THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

As the water rises. Plummer screams. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. to the Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. My way -.. I'm gonna get you outta here. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. United States Navy.. EXT. SHIP'S HOLD . he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. hauling the Professor up. over his head. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. Up to his nose. . He tries force the door open.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. When it finally opens. when I say it. Shane removes his mouth piece. PLUMMER How did you know where I. He cuts the Professor's GAG. He's gone. One of our SEALS calls out to them. they're almost out of ammo. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own highway option.SIMULTANEOUS 4.. him his oxygen. ON THE DECK . But you have to do exactly what I say. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles.. INT. but can't get free. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. terrified. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water.

He . more!" They do. OCEAN'S SURFACE . then disappear gracefully back into the water.The Seal calls out: "shoot more.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. clearly he loves this kind of day. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. INT. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. HELICOPTER . HELICOPTER . SHIP'S HOLD . SHANE INT. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods.. terrified. pulling the Professor in behind him.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. and pulls himself. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. INT. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. Shane takes a deep breath. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. 5. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. Hold on. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach..CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. EXT. holding the Professor. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out.

Please. She thinks I'm dead... how'd we.. I'm just not big on chit chat. EXT. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. CHARLES Lieutenant. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. rotors whirling slowly. shutting him up. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream.. That was the most incredible. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. thank you.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. the Professor looks terrified. I can't believe you. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. Lieutenant.beside him. waits. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. PLUMMER Oh my God. CHARLES I'm safe. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Charles stops Shane. . Not imperative to the mission. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point.. We have to keep moving. The Professor takes out his mouth piece..

And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. that's my specialty.. Peter. Shane drops. SHANE We're almost ready. Shane looks at him. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor.. All goes . Todd... Charles dials. back to him.. puzzled. I'm alive. PAVE HAWK . It's voice activated. Lulu. except for the phone and a family PHOTO.. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -.Charles picks up his briefcase.couldn't crack it. Tyler.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. I do security. WHAM. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case.. Shane considers. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. RUN!!! black. Designed it myself. INT.. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.. knocked unconscious.. The briefcase pops open. you want to see it? Negative. DEAD. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. then hands him his satellite phone. PILOT sits. and talks. I have a picture of my kids in here. Charles dials his cell phone.

: Everything is a blur. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. He takes a long look at Shane. and takes Charles' Briefcase.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. in slow-motion. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. He looks around. You're the best man I ever trained. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -.7.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. SHANE . Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .it hurts to salute. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. A Huey Helicopter lands. sir. Everything is ablaze.O. There is huge explosion. HOSPITAL .DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. unconscious. HOSPITAL . And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure.V. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.. I know sir.. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. Shane reaches out. Captain. as the chopper ignites. SHANE'S P. barely conscious. unassuming. but he does it anyway.friendly. He sees Charles. His arm and face bandaged. EXT. Bill sits down beside the bed. despondent. PAVE HAWK . And a good friend. He holds a REPORT in his hand. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.

S. disappointed.. SHANE Sir. Bill shakes his head. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. He called it G. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.H. as I stated in my report. He can't believe his good fortune. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. . Then.SHANE He had to call his family. SHANE The case was empty sir. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.H. It's not that kind of mission.T. Bill considers this. appreciate your confidence.. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. and sits opposite Shane. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. Thank you. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.. Invigorated.S.O. BILL ... I. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. I'm gonna need the mini sub.. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. He pulls up a chair. he pulls off bandages.O.T. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.a genius.. G. really. is still out there. BILL Not a surprise. Shane sits up.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. 8. and starts to rise. disconnects an IV.

anyway. I love you. hearing the dead man's voice. top to bottom. He's a good man. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. I'm alive. BILL . Shane is surprised. Either way....S. I need someone to stay at that house..O. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. Searched the place. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. presses play. I should go. intrigued. maybe it isn't. sir. (MORE) 9..S. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.. I've never been very good with kids. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared.NIGHT . Shane is shocked.T.. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. and protect them... BILL The professor's wife requested you. The family's scared. sir.Shane listens. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. Not even when I was a kid sir. CUT TO: INT. Maybe it is. Widow. Whoever killed the professor must think G. Shane Wolfe. is in that house. She told me someone had broken into her home.. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. I'll call you in an hour. It's just that. call Lt.) Honey.if anything happens to me. SHANE'S APARTMENT . CHARLES (O. I got a call from the professor's wife.H.

then the door swings open. Shane double-checks the address.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. they all go in. Shane eyes Lulu. Lulu eyes Shane. The sprinklers go off.. identical to the one he wears. Shane frowns.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). 8. Shane looks down -. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside.V. night vision goggles. Shane looks like a bad ass. He rejects it. camouflage vest. also identical to the one he wears.and sees LULU. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. Shane's P. 10.. EMALE VOICE (o. EXT. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. and pulls out a small. It SQUEAKS. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. Hm. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. He looks at for a moment. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. peering up at him. we're not interested. ..Shane packs his duffel bag. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk.O. He reaches in. machete.. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. with toys all over the lawn. Shane heads to the door. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. ready for anything.s. SUBURBAN STREET . if you're with the Hare Krishnas.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

Through the window. Helga will . Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. I think it could contain GHOST. I have some potentially good news..the family eats dinner.s. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.s. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.) There's a catch. LIVING ROOM . JULIE That's wonderful.) Julie. with her suitcase. We slowly pull out. entersJULIE I'll be there.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland..Nighttime -. Julie and Shane share a look. BILL (o. Julie casually answers it. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. through the kitchen window. 14.NIGHT Shane. Helga and the Kids in the doorway.s.. it's Bill Fawcett. This could all be over! BILL (o. listening to the conversation. Shane. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER .MORNING stand hug Julie. INT.. INT. Swiss law says only his family can access it. The phone RINGS inside. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.

are you licensed to kill? . HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. No.... And on the back door. I'll be back in 48 hours... SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. HELGA Everything will be fine.. And on the phone.. do it...handle everything. I'm gonna miss you. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. SHANE Don't worry. H S . JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. And guys. I love you guys. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. They'll be safe with me. I am a mom. ZOE Mom -.we'll be fine. . Mrs. it's just. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. Helga will take care of everything else. chill. it's my job to worry. Plummer. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway..

screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o... You do something. on a short ladder.s. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Shane turns off the light.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME..he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. pouring in Cheerios.WHRRP! Shane ducks. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . Shane shakes his head.. Gary suddenly FLIES by .. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. Immediately. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.. when in the corner of his eye -.5. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. INT.. elga stomps out. He shuts off the - . I make bottle. can't find him. SHANE (CONT'D) . INT.NIGHT hane rushes in -. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. Shane heads down the hall.NIGHT Shane.

. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure.. ZOE Okay. tool. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. PLUMMER HOUSE . but alright. S COTT . .. He's dazed. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys.. Zoe -.BACK YARD .window alarm and sneaks out silently.go back inside. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. SHANE Not with this kid. fine. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. jumps onto the trampoline. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. ZOE He's my boyfriend. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. runs off. I'll call you. EXT. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. 16.. Shane runs. They both tumble to the ground. house like a marionette. calling out from across the street. Shane LIFTING him in the air. Zoe! .. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. come on Scott. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door.

. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. We had an intruder. and we found this in our pool filter.. MR. CHUN Thanks a bunch. SHANE My apologies. we own a bakery. Sorry. The alarm stops. MR. Try to keep that zoo reigned in.Zoe storms inside. pop their heads out.. CHUN (perfect English. Look.. THE CHUNS. They're arguing with each other in Korean. fuming. Oh.. A simple misunderstanding. Shane's about to head inside. so we're up kind of early. SHANE MRS. Shane stands there. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . The Alarm's still blaring. no accent) We speak English. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. I INT.NIGHT .. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. Shane addresses them. Kojak. Oh. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. PLUMMER HOUSE . he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. CHUN . huh baby-sitter? Mr.

You should have told her the truth. Shane marches back down the hall. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. lower than the floor. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). ZOE Who do you think you are -.) sing). And you feel like you ain't got a dad? Zoe starts to turn -. He "hops" her down the hall to her room.s. She has to hop on one foot.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. . Loud. continues down the hall.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. SHANE Not anymore. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. S W 1 8. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Shane shuts her door. to not fall over. Zoe falls backwards into the room. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. Bite me! Shane frowns. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. Shane flips her foot in the air.

warm orange light. he wriggles on the floor.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. She does. to their beds. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. in bed -. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. HOUSE . Three steps forward. INT.laugh and laugh. then "crab-walks" sideways. just like the crabs do.groove. The Children. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. EXT. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. and do the Peter Panda Dance. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. T Z Z T 19. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane shakes his head. . one step back. Peter in his bed. In the bedrooms. Then jumps up.

HALLWAY .! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. Covering their ears. TODD'S ROOM . Helga runs through in hair curlers. Suddenly his door flies open -. oe is wrapped in blankets..m. L Move. ODD It's Sunday. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. 20 .MORNING Todd sits up. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. S . Move. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. INT. not understanding what's happening. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Not in front of the kids.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX.odd is out cold. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. motionless. You're insane.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT.. like she's been electrocuted. Todd blinks groggily. carrying the crying baby. half-asleep and angry. disoriented.

INT. Your behavior is unacceptable.) Shane's jaw drops.he gives him a look of disbelief. L 21. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her you. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said you. shocked... in Romanian.LATER The children are assembled. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. . LULU ("copying" him) I said -.. No highway option. ladies. KITCHEN . lined up tallest to shortest.. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. HELGA (She curses Again. sucking on a bottle.

End of chain. Red Leader. Red baby. Angry. or you're dead. S ULU (CONT'D) .. where's the older male? There were five. wait. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. INT. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Now that I know I can't trust you. Everyone cracks up.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.. Never take them off. Shane tries to maintain decorum. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. I tell you what to do -. SHANE Tracking devices..SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Touch that -. Shane bounds up the stairs. he's furious. P eter farted. The panic button is only for emergencies. Everyone stares blankly -. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .a tense better be dying. but it's locked. Shane bangs hard on it. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you.(pointing) Red 1.and you do it. ZOE I am not wearing that. So you are -. He yells at her. ZOE He's in his room. Red 2. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. He tries the knob.. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.

and head down the hall.MORNING . Oops. HALLWAY . then CRASHES inward.a FLUSH.LATER ZOE . then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet.. PLUMMER HOUSE . Todd nods in agreement.22. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. If you'd been wearing it. the destroyed door and wall. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. He has to go. INT. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it.they glare at Shane. A piece of the ceiling falls. to her room. Shane steps aside. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. The entire frame collapses. Zoe comes up the stairs. hits Shane on the head. He sees Shane.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. patrolling. She stops at Todd's door -... Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. Down the hall -. this wouldn't have happened.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. INT. and Todd comes sauntering back. INT. I can fix this. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer..

the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. Peter! screams. I don't know. just as -. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. Really? His eyes light up. to see that Peter is chasing her.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. wearing a towel as a sheet. He rushes for the front door. hey. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. Peter Booos again. Daddy even said so. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose.LATER . Lulu hides behind Shane. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. L S 23. Shane turns. He said there's a ghost.S. hard. HALLWAY . PAPERBOY (O. LULU This house is haunted. And then it hits Shane. His head shifts. INT. clicks his alarm remote opens it. he hears something suspicious -. He pretends to be a ghost.WHACK -. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Lulu SHANE Hey.the rumble of a car approaching.

Zoe whispers. all the way down. as laundry flutters down from above. STAIRWAY .a creak. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. carrying a huge laundry basket. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. He RAPS again. ZOE Here he comes.ZOE AND TODD . scanning the ceiling. feeling... They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall.. Shane scans it. Nothing.Shane walks slowly down the hall. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. Then -. appears. When he hears an alert from his laptop. inally. pushing.. listening for hollow spaces. then turns his attention to his laptop. I INT.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. BANGING her head and ass on each step. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.. She screams. MR. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. T IGHT . Searching.. He goes back to the living room. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. F .

looking jet-lagged. Then looks back to the paperwork. INT. They wait patiently -. we're going to have to file a complaint. He jumps to his feet. EXT. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page.DAY Establishing. terrified. Bill can't stand it anymore. ZOE Uh-oh. He feebly gets up. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. 25. Not in Switzerland. then licks his finger to turn the page. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. It's taking him a LONG time. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. SWISS BANK .til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. mouthing along in FRENCH. If we can't get some faster service. this is an urgent matter. I can't. The Banker looks at him blankly. He seems to be about 100 years old. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. but can't get the page to turn. SWISS BANK .They gulp. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk.DAY Bill and Julie. BANKER Marcel! out. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. He licks his finger again. .

Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. The duck flies around. Oui. PLUMMER HOUSE . MARCEL. But I can tell you -. Shane moves for the phone. As she tries to wrestle it away. suitcases in hand. QUACKING. JULIE Thank you. SHANE (CONT'D) . Shane dives. I QUIT. Shane picks up the receiver. the chief does not speak English.Another Banker. He grabs her suitcase. How long is that? INT. Suddenly. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. He DRAGS her back. heads to the door -. As soon as your background checks clear.Shane tries to block her path. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. The suitcase handle breaks off. RING! Amid the chaos. grabbing her foot. Peter's in the aquarium. enters. remain calm -- will have access to the box tout-suite.SAME TIME Helga. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. and Helga dashes for the door. HELGA I am calm.

so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -.Ah. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . He picks up his hand. that landed on a diaper. Shane body-checks it closed.. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Plummer. Helga struggles to get him off. Mrs. Plummer. and Shane falls back. Shane lets go.everything's fine. Duty.. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. HOUSE . SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Mrs. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. (covering the phone. CRUNCH. EXT.. Helga scampers out the door. 27.. Shane hangs up the phone. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. against the counter.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab.Helga falls forwards. Just doing my.

Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. she'll come back.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. listen up.Helga jumps in the cab. ANGLE . In the meantime. we're just gonna have some more big fun. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. SHANE Okay. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. Then -. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. HOUSE .SHANE Rises. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. in the rear window. The 28. if she loves you. Helga glares back. INT.he slowly glances up. There's been a change of plans. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. . He drops his head.... baby cries. defeated. takes a deep breath and strides inside.. to find the kids are all gloomy. dumbfounded. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. ANGLE .

.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. All for one. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. .SHANE He gulps. Using the tools as chopsticks. 29. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. SHANE Whoa. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. I'm Navy. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. Nobody will help. repelled.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. inundated.. holding his flops open. Pure self-preservation. nice moment. everyone bolts from the room. SShane GROANS. HEY! Even Peter runs. your enthusiasm. Until -. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. Only then can we rise to the challenge. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. And then -. BATHROOM . and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. takes a deep breath. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. INT. CLOSE-UP .

LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. INT. 30. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. like a puppy. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. Shane tries approaching -. Aghast. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. . he looks around for a solution.. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. LULU Hi. I think you're cute. She follows.he can't do it. Lulu doesn't go away. HALLWAY .) Thank you. she just stares at him. over and over and over. he looks down to see Lulu.SHANE The things I do for my country.. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. Lulu is in her pj's. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. SHANE (unsure how to respond. then FLUSHES. Lulu follows at his heels.

Shane breathes a sigh of relief. like he's an idiot. 31. All the lights are out. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. pulling down the shades on every window. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers's time for you take a nappypoo. .MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. The kids sit down at their designated spots. INT. KITCHEN . The Kids stare at "breakfast. Lulu looks at him. and patrols. all the kids asleep. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. I can get lots more of those. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. Shane smiles.Shane walks room to room. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. in beddibye land. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. And I've survived off this stuff for months.BREAKFAST . and shuts off her light." dubious. proud of his accomplishment. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. little girl. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Todd.

He runs away... So -.. And the phone rings. Your mama -. dancing. too.. Peter starts bawling... then at Tyler -. crying. Peter stands in his chair.. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking's how it's gonna be. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. if I say out.. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. We're gonna pull together.. I can cross my eyes.. Wanna see? Negative. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. ZOE He's only two. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. you stay in. (then:) Yes. one for all. LULU . Shane sighs. you go out. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. Shane turns to not here to take care of you now. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. trying to hear over the screaming. Shane answers. . ladies. If I say in... all for one.

backwards at sixty m. Shane fumbles with it for a while. Zoe smiles at him. INT. Oh. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. The Minivan skids completely sideways.. It just doesn't add up.. GARAGE .. EXT. legal guardian. sir. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. into a TINY parking spot -. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.. He said if you're late again. Thank you.. With your . 32 SHANE Plummer residence. SHANE Not on my watch. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.M. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. I know it's Monday.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. EXT. perfect parallel park.. and at that .a death defying. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. you and Todd are expelled. He wants to see you in his office. LULU We're gonna be late.h. GARAGE ..MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. He hangs up. innocently. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. INT. yes. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . dramatically unveiling Shane.p.. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom.9:29 A. A big suburban school. It hits ZERO." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Across his chest.

(re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Murney is unimpressed. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. Out of twenty-three. They're the worst students in my school. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. mortified. assured. You're in my house now. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . . K thru 12. Looks like Mrs. Lieutenant. Well. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. He glares at Shane. Plummer finally listened. too. I'm Murphy. whatever work you can get.moment. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS.. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. I coach wrestling. son? SHANE Wolfe. as he plays on the floor. Shane. holding Peter on a harness.. a few days.P in charge of discipline. She's attractive. The Kids crack up. Duane. He's HUGE and mean. Top to bottom. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). V. they needed a parole officer. He withers. boy. The Kids are seated around him. tough. conduct and truancy. Murney is furious.

. Good. The teens hustle off to their classes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. Shane checks his TRACKER -.. Plummer called my captain. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. impressed. What are you doing in my office. The opens the door for Murney.. (then.two little red DOTS move away.. I think I can handle this from here. Get moving. You see. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. Lieutenant. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. Principal Claire eyeballs him. I am in charge of. She told me all about you. BELL rings. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Claire sees this -. SHANE Red 1. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. He exits. staring him up and down.Good morning kids.and suddenly reacts. 34. that as vice principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Plummer. Mrs. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . as he casually holds the three kids. Red 2.. fuming.

On the spot. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. SHANE "Honor.. Just try not to frighten the children. and the way I run my school.. Service paid for my college. The 35. So. SHANE ..MID-MORNING seeShane.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. That's the way I live my life.. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. SHANE Can't be too careful.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.(Shane nods. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. She lifts her pants leg. to balance Shane. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Welcome aboard. Courage. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.. dead serious. SHANE .. Claire looks nervously around. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.

. turns her back to him embarrassed. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. yanks his hood over his head. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. Zoe.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. sitting in the back row of a class.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Black Hawk coming in. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. He checks his tracking device. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. .V. Now -. Official Business. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat.O. INT. in Shane puts down his binoculars. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. 36 . two. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. with stern intensity.V. Todd.last time: Open the hanger. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. Save us both a world of pain. Shane closes the computer. like a tether ball.. SHANE Give up now. one. does the same. BINOCULARS P. He turns to the person front of him.Clean as a whistle. Todd. Beside Shane. Lulu sees Shane and waves. in line to get lunch. CAFETERIA ..O.. delighted. picks up a pair of binoculars. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness.

by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. A whole day. you know. He yanks Tyler away from him.. When you agreed to serve your country.. lieutenant. Mr. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. with milk.Tyler gurgles. Claire smiles. Sure. I guess. (she looks at his chair) Well. huh? Shane gives her a look. Principal Claire smiles. I'm impressed. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. 37. Can I call you Shane? . Seriously. not so dry where you're sitting.. ignoring him.but you're pretty good at this. You're on dry land. Shane sighs. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Tyler laughs. you don't. (she toasts. SHANE Hey -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. Oh.I out rank you... man. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that..) Shane. .

Personally . Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler.. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. and "punches fists" with him. (Todd) 38. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Murney smirks. next week's tournament is off. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. MURNEY You heard the lady.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. cheering. impressed. Zoe. I don't care who starts it. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. LUNCH-LINE . INT. Look at him. MURNEY He did. the crowd freezes. and the sound of Students in an uproar. unusual. VP Murney is watching. As soon as they see the Principal. but not stopping it.That's.. in the crowd. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd..

Todd lunges at him. Nice moves. I forgot you had to baby-sit.I think that's a little harsh. what do you say? Come on. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. flinch. Murney approaches Shane. control. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. 39 . MURNEY Oh.. MURNEY Pretty slick. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -.. Don't even think it. SHANE .. . I'm on duty. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. Boys'll be boys. Maybe you could stop by practice. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. SHANE . That's right.. He'd kill you so fast. The Bell rings.. the crowd breaks up. (low.Todd lands on his feet. Todd shakes him off and heads to class.I'm a black belt myself. sir. Murney. promise I'll go easy on you. man. Sorry. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. sticking the landing. Frogman -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Maybe some other time then. stopping an inch from Shane's head.

SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Uh. Lt. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . He bursts though it. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF.. Emergency! SHANE INT. Have fun. another dollar twenty.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Shane recoils in disgust.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Tyler is crying.INT.change him... PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. Roger that.Tyler's diaper is full. But. as he keeps watch. The Principal strolls up. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. following his tracking device. for one who'll eat. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. Not my job. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . SCHOOL HALLWAY . doing a shoulder roll. minus taxes. and not cry. INT. Just then. It leads him to a door. Panicked. Then Shane smells what she means -. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. holding Tyler out like a grenade.CONTINUOUS .. 40.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. Bathroom's down the hall.. SHANE Oh -.

LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. He hands her to the Principal. racing down the road ahead of Shane. Shane lands in fight stance -. He blasts through a red light. 41. SHANE EXT. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . He speeds away after them. CONSTRUCTION SITE . EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION . The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. are heading away from the school fast. Lulu is in front of the class. EXT.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. I INT. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. through the fence.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. Thanks. Shane makes a right. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. with the Panic Button in her hand.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . He leaps out of the minivan. EXT.the Class applauds. At that moment. They make a sharp right. almost tipping the minivan. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. but the FINAL BELL rings. Shane is furious.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. HALLWAY . The DOTS on the tracker are headed North.

INT. and charges through. He winces. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. then checks the tracker -.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. PLUMMER HOUSE .SHANE He's alone. Shane trudges through the river of muck. From outside. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -.he sees the blinking lights below the surface.section. they hear the front door open.then RUN. Shane lowers himself down. you're about to get a beat down. He catches his breath. Shane easily takes them out.the DOTS are CLOSE. IN THE MANHOLE . . all brandishing tools. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. SQUISHY footsteps. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. He takes a deep breath and dives under. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.then gasps -. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. Shane pries off the manhole cover. then checks his tracker.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE.It's dark and dank. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. No sweat. SEWER . and the sound of OMINOUS. Three Workers rush him. INT. ANGLE . feet away.LIVING ROOM . It's horrific.

(into his radio:) Cancel that a. Covering her nose. The smell is BAD. with a smirk.. Zoe fixes her hair. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. 43 INT. KITCHEN . looking like a Swamp Creature. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. Call. The Cop turns to Shane. She practically GAGS as she passes him.. INT.b.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair.. Zoe checks him out as he goes. If you need anymore help. . CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. The Cop looks at them. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. 16 year old female. Ditto.LATER Shane is in the shower. Todd stiffens. then covers their noses. revealing Shane. . Everyone gasps. INT.. weird hair. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. BACK YARD . CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. thank you.. use our nonemergency number. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. he doesn't say anything. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. BATHROOM .Then the door swings open.p. The Cop leaves.

we can't go the Jamboree. Lulu starts to sniffle.all junk food. He looks at it. LULU We have to. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. pulling Lulu after him. Shane.. INT. (whispers:) Come on.) Get rid of them. He sees on the fridge. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. they're staring at him. If we don't sell enough cookies. Mom's our den mother. 4 . And it's not like I have any other friends. You gotta help me out..S. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. close to tears. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. and whistle. The Brownies applaud. 4. cause mom never lets me out of her sight.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. FAMILY ROOM .Shane enters. SHANE (O.a dozen little girls in uniforms. They won't be home `til ten. LULU I can't. Monday. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. it's Monday. cringing in disgust. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. They already think I'm a loser. in just a towel. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP .

LIVING ROOM . Indian Style. INT. I'm gonna be your den -commander.Lulu's about to burst into tears. yeah. do as I say. unpacking boxes of cookies.. Shane blows passed her. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. Shane sighs. I'm scared of you. INT. he's a total psycho. Here's how it's gonna be.. They are assembled. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. Now -. SHANE Good." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. He's not just locking them -. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. back in "uniform. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. ZOE'S BEDROOM . Tonight. Zoe's on the phone. ladies. INT. KITCHEN .MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. BROWNIE Den Mother? . the other to his back. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS.MOMENTS LATER Shane.wait here. then drills it into place.. .. SHANE Alright. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. getting ready to go.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. at attention. ZOE .A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door... revving a cordless POWER DRILL.

He looks around at the bright.. No. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.. but they're . SHANE I gotta get supplies. NOTHING looks familiar -. GROCERY STORE . Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. He sees: a huge. GROCERY STORE . colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. GROCERY STORE . 4 EXT. the camera CRANES up to. GROCERY STORE .."what are you. but if anything happens. I dunno if that's a good idea.nothing even looks like food. ZOE ... He smiles. INT. EXT. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. hits speed-dial... Scott. Tyler looks at him -... not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz.. Snack packs. Zoe picks up the phone. I can see you through the window.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. it's like Oz or something..5.PARKING LOT . he's got us on lock-down. (she listens:) Hm.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. as he pushes a cart into the store. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. EXT. DRIVEWAY .MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. nuts?" EXT.

noticing very shy. they're back. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. . The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. chubby CUB SCOUTS. EXT..MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. you Skeever? . before I get my face punching badge on you. I haven't seen anybody. and lets her go.. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. Finally. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory.. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. He rips it open. menacingly.. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. The Cub Scouts high-five. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. but can't get away. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. 46 BROWNIE Oh no.she tugs and tugs. One The Brownies take off running. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. clutching their boxes.. One of the Brownies spots something. GROCERY STORE . How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. He laughs.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . In their place are the Chubby Scouts.. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF.

He wears . PARKING LOT . CHEESE . The Brownies scream. we're going home. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. Around his neck. CHUCK E. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. Where? SHANE INT.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. He bends down. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . Get in the car. I'm here to protect you. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. and points at Lulu's Panic button.2ND SCOUT Nope. Cheese MANAGER.22's. Shane's monitor starts beeping. EXT. If I don't come back -avenge my death.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. trembling. you're supposed to take us to dinner. Not cookies. He heads toward the Scouts. 47.A LITTLE LATER . The Brownies are huddled behind it. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. He firmly tells Lulu.

A LITTLE LATER: 48.. . LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother.braces and head-gear. This much The Manager laughs. Lulu approaches. On stage. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. which causes him to lisp. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya..CHAOS. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. The Manager approaches Shane. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles.. the Chuck E. Cheese automaton band JAMS.. playing video games and ball. this much cyanide. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. skee Brownies are running around. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere.. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. Shane's watching Peter.. Cheese! Wider reveals.

She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. stretches. I thought you liked combat. . LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Then he a joy stick. Shane doesn't like the sound of that.LULU I pressed two player. He checks over his shoulder -.. He's really mad. then cracks her in half over his knee.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. and then a kick in the face. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . then kicks him in the face. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Unless you're scared. The second round starts. He steps up to the machine. spins her. Lulu picks a small female character. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Shane is taking it really seriously. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Shane even get one punch in -. He cracks his knuckles. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Nobody can jump thirty feet.she pins him to the ground. Lulu screams out with her fighter. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. LULU The Hulk can. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. SHANE That's not fair. They begin. kneels on his head. Round three starts. My joystick's broken..

Sparks fly.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. swing and a miss.. It's really annoying.. INT. He is KO'd. its joystick dangling by its wires. INTERCUT WITH: INT. the Zhouse is quiet. ZOE .stop worrying.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. 50. LULU You're not even trying. swinging and missing. come on -. She keeps dancing. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. Lulu's having fun now. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. jumping. He and the Brownies sneak away.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. but he can't hit her.. it's my job to worry.take a shot... Shane's really fuming.. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. HOTEL ROOM . PLUMMER HOUSE ... dancing.. slamming buttons.. ZOE Mom -..LIVING ROOM . leaving the sizzling machine. while he pounds the buttons. LULU Too slow.. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. oops too slow. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. Shane's working the joy stick hard...

Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . VARIOUS SHOTS . counting them.LIVING ROOM . Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. not cool. Don't worry. The guy's just a control freak. JULIE It's only a few more days. 51. this is outta hand. MALL PARKING LOT . up. we're okay. but you know I have to do this. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. everything's cool. EXT.. And the folks who read my BLOG. ZOE Dude.The Plummer House: . Tonight I'm just doing homework -..Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. ZOE Dude. I love you. . who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. loads Brownies into the minivan. Zoe rolls her eyes. She turns to Scott. who doesn't seem concerned at all. I hate leaving you. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. kids my cell. ZOE I know.Seriously. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.

MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. SHANE .DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. He's still down there. The Manager is watching him. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. Not okay. move.Move. S 52. Whoa. SHANE Inexcusable.not okay. move! Go go! EXT. out away from him. CHEESE . He charges across the room with the diaper. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.. gasping. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look.they almost always do. MANAGER Relax. He disappears under the balls -. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out.. We see what he forgot: PETER. SUBURBAN ROAD .. He's holding the diaper. CHUCK E. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -.for a long time. He holds his breath.. INT.LATER . Suddenly. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. Silence. Shane grimaces. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. is fine. and goes down for the diaper. freestyling in the ball pool -. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. to leave a man behind like that... the Brownies follow. again.

a total wreck.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.. at a full run.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.KITCHEN . windows.. INT.. trying to understand.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. EXT. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.. 53. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Peter and Tyler up the path. as he pulls up in the Minivan. vents.. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -..then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. peeing in the bushes..'s turntables. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. making out. Now. chugging drinks.. Outraged. Reeling.J. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. we're gonna do this . gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. PLUMMER HOUSE . jocks throwing footballs. PLUMMER HOUSE . then RUN.then CRUSHES the ball. Shane takes Lulu. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. CLUB lock off the door.and groans in disbelief. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. scared. He gets out -. Party's over.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. Shane snatches it mid-air -. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Scott.

labeled with a Sharpie. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. PLOP. Shane goes over them. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.. CUT EXT.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. straightening -. Shane's eyes narrow.CONTINUOUS . Miserable TEENS scrub. They see Shane find the CD. way -. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Clean. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. In a bathroom.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. It reads: GHOST. trying to maintain his dignity. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. residue. INT. as kids clean.. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. Oh my god. mopping. and walk out of sight. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S.then he notices something. in Playtex highway option. Scott and Zoe.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch.. PLUMMER HOUSE . He holds it up to a KID. he takes it off. INT. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. He lifts the sofa.. furiously clean. Scott gulps . He fumes. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. He hands Scott the mop.. through binoculars. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .

Shane hands her a handkerchief. They show no respect for you or your house. ZOE . He heads upstairs. Zpounding on doors. ueasy... sits down. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. shaky and furious. PLUMMER HOUSE . Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. My friends will never come here again. Thanks a lot. she pukes again. ZOE I do too respect myself. CUT TO: EXT. Rambo. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. Zoe blows past him -. Lulu and Todd step into the hall.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. Because you have no respect for yourself. outside the bathroom door. furniture polished. where she throws up. After a beat.into the bathroom. Lulu's crying. downstairs! He walks down the hall. and screams in Shane's face. helpless. you hate us. INT. Zoe gets up.. Shane stands.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. You're like a robot. PLUMMER HOUSE . Scott's the last one to leave. Shane . Todd picks her up. (Announces:) Company. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. SHANE You got barf on your tank top..

talking doesn't do any good. Suddenly -. Don't worry. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Not even from the enemy. I'm not the man for this job. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. SHANE Puberty.hand it over! staffs. NINJA GHOST -. Red 1. TWO NINJAS. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. The Ninjas attack. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. fiercely -. all in black BURST in through the window.. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT..the power goes out.. as soon as your mom comes back. I'm gone. Suddenly.55. Go to your rooms. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. They leap down after him. tired) It's Scott.. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. SHANE You're right. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. Shane spins in fight-stance. pounding him with their .the three fight. He goes down.they're good.. Wielding with great skill.. close-quarters and fast.

. and uses them both to fend off blows. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. He spots a BASEBALL BAT..the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. 56 INT. Shane runs to the changing table. a squeezes . toys fly. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. several FURBIES hit the floor. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.. and flings them all over the floor...who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. Shane crashes down. and grabs it.knocking him into. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around.. he hits a Ninja in the head.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. blinding him. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. WHACK. avoiding Legos. SHANE Okay -. it makes a silly thunk. With his foot. PLAYROOM . Shane fends the Ninjas off. facing them. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. fiercely. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. They step back. The Ninjas move towards him -. He pulls the string..then the Ninjas charge.

You can open up. and Shane sees he's now alone. Shane bangs the window sill. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. bawling. . The cloud dissipates. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. Then. He runs to the broken window.SHANE 57. He squints.. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. Todd and Zoe enter. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. fearful. disappointed to have lost them. He sprays it in Shane's face. Kids.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. he hugs Peter and Lulu. INT. SHANE Shhh. that your father invented. HALLWAY .then the door creaks open. He A long pause -.... TODD Who were they? What did they want.. He hugs them.SECONDS LATER Composing himself.? SHANE They're looking for a program.. blinded. He really hugs them... ANGLE . LULU Please don't leave us Shane. It's okay. quietly knocks. Shane approaches Zoe's door. terrified.. Shane isn't sure what to do. SHANE It's safe.. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time.

He looks Zoe. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. I'll listen to you too. relieved. Soon. startled. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. They hug him tighter. all smiles.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. Deal? Truce -. Shane is furious -. as long as I'm here. They want this.. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. Shane offers his hand to shake. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. LIVING ROOM . okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Then.. Then. From now on. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine.. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. CLOSE-UP . SHANE They're not after you. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.. "Unchained Melody." And then. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel.a long pause. They shake -.. 58. you listen to me.they all jump. and do what I say. absolutely nothing pottery . INT. The kids shudder. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. it's been a long night. the other kids join in. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. And I'm not going anywhere..then they hug him.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. eye to eye. Zoe answers it. too. But nothing's gonna happen to you.

. Nope. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. They were looking for GHOST. Don't worry -.we'll be just fine. Shane takes the phone. metal two pronged KEY.. INTERCUT: INT.. students run in to school.. SHANE No . We found something in the box. But we're not sure what it is. It looks like some kind of "key".So soon? We were just starting to have fun. two men tried to get into the house's okay.. Plummer. The minivan pulls up.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. I'm gonna be sticking even closer.. SHANE Mrs. but they didn't find it. everyone's fine. yes and no. They're gone. She holds up the strange. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. EXT. and Shane emerges with the five kids. HOTEL ROOM . SHANE (very genuine) .MORNING Early morning. We just don't know what its for. You have any luck? JULIE Well.happened you should worry about. . SCHOOL . SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on.

Lulu's classmates all chant. car -. LULU'S CLASSROOM . ANGLE on Shane. mortified.. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . THE GYM . she wrecked a driver's Ed. then BRAKES.. then BRAKES. who sits in the back. shaking his head..MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. So. Shane nods. I know it's good. Zoe sits in a folding chair. . making a mess of an egg. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. MURNEY . He dips an INT. "yeah. Shane stands off to the side. reacting each time she HITS the gas. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. EXT. Murney stands. egg in some purple dye. They look concerned. An obstacle course with cones. a crazed TEACHER next to her..DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. He is gesticulating. SCREAMING. squashed at a little desk.DAY Driver's Ed. HITS the gas.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers).she'll pay for the damage. sunglasses on. ANGLE on Lulu. SHANE Don't worry.INT. Peter 60 She smiles. LULU'S CLASSROOM . Principal Claire next to him. and smiles at Shane. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym." Then.

SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.. and Shane walks them out. and I'm not sure what to do. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return.. Murney calls into the hallway..I'm a bit concerned. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.. Shane stops. Todd and Zoe stand to go. Todd enters.. it's not that -.That? Lady drivers.yes. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. giving him a "skinhead" look..but this is just sick. And that's not all. (pulls Shane aside. But this. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. what do you expect. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. He does always miss sixth period. Shane gives Zoe a look. 61. SHANE He's not a NAZI. boys will be boys -. I was doing a little recon in his locker. but -.. what's going on. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.) See if you can talk to the boy. No.. Shane scowls.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not's the boy. . Zoe shrugs.

MURNEY It's a date then. Shane. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. Murney laughs.. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. I'll show you a couple moves. 62. stretching. as he passes..The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Kung team: Shane walks away. Without warning. huh? (Shane ignores him. SHANE I'll talk to him. if you ask me.that whole family's no good. MURNEY You're a good man. Shane walks the kids out.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. maybe. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. kicking him in the BACK. Shane trips forwards to his knees. we'll give these boys a treat. and Murney chases after him. SHANE Another time.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. I promise I won't hurt you. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. and leaves. and leaps at Shane. and keeps walking.

Murney his head. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's pink. On the corner. The window is wide open. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. Keep all doors sealed. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. signal me. INT. He starts to shut the window. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn.. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. I want to talk to you. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. so the alarm didn't go off. but he . odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. Nothing. He enters.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. do your homework. and leaves.shakes Shane turns back. but instead he takes a deep breath. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. EXT. with a flowered basket. peering out her window. It looks like Shane might fight. Shane looks out the window -. SHANE Wait Todd.far down the block. Shane screws the window shut.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. It's small for him. Todd runs towards the house. He sees Zoe. running around the corner. SHANE Smart kid. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Shane hops out the window. you're in charge. he can see Todd. Shane parks. TODD'S ROOM . preheat the oven. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.. and snickers to his Team. keeping the contact.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

TODD .. girls'll think I'm.... SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. they're not sure what to do.. Todd looks devastated -. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. Shane shakes his head. Chicks dig guys who can dance. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.What if.. Liesl chimes in. they quickly assemble on stage. SHANE COMPANY -. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar... LIESL We don't have a director. show's off. or not? Everyone nods. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. weird or something? 66 . SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. Shane's glare.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever... they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. Shane looks at the Cast... BEAT.. Todd looks up at Shane.. Shane straightens up. He smiles.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. it's over. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.

I won't touch him. ZOE .just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall... LULU'S ROOM . YES WHAT? SHANE . PLUMMER HOUSE . What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. INT.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.... angrily. I promise.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . He hears Zoe in her room. I called him in his room. INT. No wait! .. It's stupid. SHANE Okay.Yes. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. furious. Shane exits. He peeks in -. another girl picked up the phone. He turns out the light..LATER . Scott. SHANE . SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. BREAKING something.. I know it's no big deal.. I don't know why I let it get to me.

setting up the scene with DOLLS. I 6 . and they came in from the north. He sits on the bed. Once there was a family of Elves. Let's see.. The elves had to go in and take it out... Went into the magic forest. ULU Tell me a story.. he illustrates. Uranium... Shane looks at her surprised. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. facility. To find a secret gnome. So -they waited for cloud cover. on Lulu's floor...Uh. (MORE) T S L three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive.. Stumped. the little Elf family -. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. As Shane finishes the story..

And not one Elf got left behind that day.. SHANE Oh.mean standing.. head in the door.. I can't remember that thing. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Like dad used to do. TODD I'll write it down for you.. lower than the floor. and do the Panda Dance. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. And you ain't got a chance. Peter WAILS. Lulu's fallen asleep. Peter starts bawling. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. The wails get louder and LOUDER.. NURSERY . .CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. c'mon.. Then. and whispers to Peter.. or he won't stop. from across the hall..Rodriquez. the teeniest little elf of all -. He made it up for him. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Todd calls from the doorway. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) ... Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. We got `em all.... Even.. INT.. Shane sighs. TODD You have to do the dance. S 69.

SHANE Today you drive. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. (Tyler in the snuggle). S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. just like the crabs do. Peter applauds. Chun. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly.. Shane turns and catches Mr. Lulu is next to him. Humiliated. . He sings again. Shane.Shane sighs. (He does. He does the dance as he sings. mortified.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. She gets out in shock... T the A 70. through the mirror. PLUMMER HOUSE .) EXT. Shane hops forward three times.MORNING . hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. The Kids sit bolt upright. Shane crab-walks sideways. staring. terrified.. GARAGE . Chun gets his paper. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. and gets in the driver's seat. with her Gameboy. They turn to Zoe.

TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. Zoe backs jerkily out. INT. not the road. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. MINIVAN . She pulls out. Shane is nervous. no. S P . SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car.ZOE But -. Shane is shaky... just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. Zoe is surprised. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. The Kids share a dubious look. Lulu and Todd are terrified.. but trying not to show it.. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. Exactly. Keep going. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on.I can't even pass driver's Ed.. Touched. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. I trust you.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. jerkily.

. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Zoe smiles. Shane's . SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. trembling. INT. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). WALK! DOUBLE TIME. She's wearing a cute dress. SHANE Good. Shane spots something. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. laughing. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Very funny.. being obnoxious. Broken promises lead to broken legs. severe stare) Now. and a little make-up.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Shane unclenches his teeth. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. Shane lets him down and heads into school. EXT. hey head into the school. 1500 hours. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. Suddenly -. Shane jumps out of the car. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. with a few FRIENDS. Chastened. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. KIDS boisterously run past. CAFETERIA . Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack.71.. Claire strides into view. Scott's terrified. Next lesson. Before Scott knows what's happened. terrified. And the other Kids all bolt from the car.Claire BARKS out. ZOE Ha ha ha.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Principal Claire sighs "not again. SHANE hey eat in silence. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) .eyes alight. dragging .. him by the ear. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink." In one move. Shane leaps over the table. Suddenly.. something. Love it when he does that. He smiles back. Shane`s not so good at small talk. and offers him a milk. sailor? Thanks. S he sits beside him. S T P . She smiles. It's a miracle. impressed. She's waiting for him to say. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them.. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO.. too. Wow.. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately.. you never know who you're going to run into.

MURNEY I've had it. No one's sure they heard him right. Murney turns around. What're you so scared of. It opens Friday. Todd looks..Murney shoves Todd forward. I quit. intimidated. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. I'm right here. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment.. . MURNEY Winners never quit. Then: TODD I am not scared. Talk. now it all makes sense. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. M 73.. TODD Hey.. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Freak? The Students snicker.. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Yeah I do. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Silence. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. I. Murney.. Murney gets up in Shane's face. boy. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. I want to sing. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria.

I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. So calm. You win.face to face.Shane steps them. M urney looks over at the Team. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. swarm Todd. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of reads: . and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. taking flyers. Todd's telling the truth. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. Everyone is watching. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. He storms out. You suck.and then a mob of Students. The Gym. Murney looks around. Murney did not expect to be called out. His voice cracks -.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. it's scary S he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. protecting him. There is a stunned moment -. Your ass is mine. Let's do it. furious -URNEY So -. humiliated. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. They look to the ground sheepishly. The whole team wants to quit. TODD There is a man in my house -.

Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Todd cheers Shane on. and they head out. 3:00. Murney bounds to his feet. The bleachers are PACKED. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Shane DIVES OVER Murney.sending him right into the wall. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat.3:00 mat. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. S 75. Shane side-steps. M URNEY on."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Murney. GYM . SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . quietly twitching on the ground. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane." INT. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Todd flops to the mat. grabs onto Murney's waist. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. hard. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Murney lands on his back. WHAM.BAM. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. rushes Shane. and sweeps Murney -. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. shocked. mumbling something.

If you're not sure.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. fascinated. FOREST . SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. They walk out. that's all. TO: EXT. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. . 76 SHANE either. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. too. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . Claire. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. I got my troops waiting. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. BUGS. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. No brownies edible. She gives him a thumbs up. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. TODD That was awesome. The crowd cheers. When I Rwanda. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go.Dislocated nerve. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. LULU We're Brownies.

he reaches out and rocks it. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. In unison. OLD FACTORY . here.. The Duck watches all this -.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises... Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. EXT. EXT. in perfect tempo.. PLUMMER HOUSE . this way -and the Von Trapp is set. here at the top of the stairs. INT. she burns rubber. Zoe . MALL PARKING LOT .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.FRONT LAWN .we'll put Von Trapps here. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. the Girls PUNCH. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. He signals her.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them... KICK. NURSERY . It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. KICK. PUNCH. The Kids don't get it. MALL PARKING LOT .DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. PUNCH. He illustrates the stage directions. and.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. in between punches.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. He laughs at his own joke. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock." INT.fascinated. Shane holds a stopwatch.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.she hits EVERY ONE -.

in we WIDEN back.. MALL PARKING LOT .." Lulu. They watch closely.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. your life little girl. EXT..3.. The Brownies attack. ODD . INT. but doesn't fall. EXT. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards...DAY -"1. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. Shane gives her a signal.. OLD FACTORY . as and then her BROWNIE uniform. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. INT. T I E 77. she only clips one. EXT.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. PLUMMER HOUSE .NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. mercilessly. He counts begins wriggling free.BACK YARD . Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. blur.out and weaves the cones. NURSERY . Hands a T .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.. PLUMMER HOUSE .2. it teeters.FRONT LAWN . He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.

But sweet dreams. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. odd tries the spinning kick. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. Again. Todd tries the kick. he almost bursts into tears. SHANE I'm not your daddy. but blows it. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. Peter. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . now and then. Peter Panda. NURSERY . Graceful. Graceful. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. daddy. He kisses Peter on the forehead. 8.EVENING . Peter. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing." Singing and doing all the moves -. Then he tucks Peter in.hard. THUD! Gazelle.huh? Now.he's got it down. He does a spin kick. adding a James Brown flourish. Shane is so touched. INT. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.

. As he's comparing prices -. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. The . LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. the Chubby Cub Scouts. Across the lot. see them. You're gonna have to pay for that. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. he lands on the ground hard. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -.he sees. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. proud. tying him.MOMMY! She lets him go -. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. FORMATION. at their own table. striking a cool pose. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in a FLIP. In one move. 9. He smiles. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. she wraps it around his arm. The Scout struggles.they LAUGH.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . wearing the double snuggle. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. but like lightning.. scary. the Other Scouts are scared. The Scouts share a look -. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. INT. S SHANE That's my troop. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

SHANE He's left alone.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . ANGLE . A tear runs down Zoe's face. HOTEL . sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. J 82. the kids are all abuzz. talking excitedly. INT. BACK YARD . WITH: J INT. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. The phone rings. EXT. we're on the first plane in the morning. Shane answers it.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. OE I never even got to say good bye. She throws her arms around Shane.soldier. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. happy. HALLWAY .

the Duck starts quacking. Three squares a day. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. he Duck stares. Shane turns. Shane sighs morosely. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. GARAGE .NIGHT hane turns the light on. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83.. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. with. Kids to play S . He pets the Duck. No reason for personal attachments. Suddenly. SHANE Just another assignment. unblinking. Shane sits in a lawn chair. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. hane rises. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Gary sits in the next chair. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. INT.. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. your wings aren't clipped. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON.The house is dark.

BOTTOM OF STAIRS . Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. Nothing. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. we see a CRANK WHEEL. Lulu hands him a tool..CONTINUOUS There's a small room.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.. No hinges or cracks. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. unsuccessfully. leading below the garage. shines it down the grate... The wheel spins.. The break in its surface is a strange. INTERC UT: B harder. Shane looks on stunned.SHANE What happened. Shane steps down it. crack the lock all night. DISSOLVE INT. he floor opens... only It's solid and inscrutable. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR.. TO: to S 84. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. The Kids are watching his progress. He's been trying. GARAGE . revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. . and then it gives. He tries muscles rippling. Shane dials a phone.

EXT. Through a window.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. Bill's cell phone rings. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. TO: INT. CHUN CUT BACK . excited. TO: INT. and hangs up. MRS. Silently spying on Shane. he answers it. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark.. Do you have it? SHANE No. Except for -. Then we slowly MOVE UP. towards the neighbor's house. Away from Shane. GARAGE .don't do anything `til I get there. Everyone reacts happily.. We'll be there shortly -.. She looks stricken. can't crack it. sir. I think I found GHOST. Bill reacts. GHOST. don't do anything further. After we turn this in to my CO.. An ominous pause. SEDAN . ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. GARAGE . Okay. relieved.Lulu. BILL ...CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. pleased. It's in a steel vault.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. W e PUSH INTO the house. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. I've been trying all night. Julie sits beside him.

HOUSE . LULU But. SHANE You guys better get ready.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. should be home soon. he has no answer. Bill is carrying her suitcases. I 85. Shane -. comes into the dark hall. KIDS VOICES . JULIE'S HOUSE .V. so they probably trashed the place.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. Lulu? You should be happy. The rug is vacuumed. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. J JULIE'S P.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). She trails off.they hear... Kids singing a beautiful.: The house is spotless..O.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. in shock.SHANE He goes silent. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. INT. Tongue-tied. in the next room. Julie and Bill hop out. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.. The fish tank is clear.

CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. smiling. Bill steadies her.. The Kids rush forward and hug her. Lulu has bows in her hair. Lieutenant. Peter is fresh faced. no dishes in the sink. then salutes back) Good job. Across the room.(singing. a capella) . BILL (he smiles wryly. INT. ( B 6. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.. Julie starts bawling. ZOE Welcome home. featuring Todd. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. with songs they have sung.. S SHANE Captain. Zoe is in a conservative dress. Dumb-struck. She sees. Shane sees Bill enter...CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. KITCHEN ... She staggers to. DINING ROOM . attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. for a thousand years. 8 JULIE almost faints. picture- .. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. mom. INT. Julie goes to the.

MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . reluctant. surprised.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. Don't get me wrong.INT.. BILL I should hope not. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Bill stops. an ANGRY VOICE. Bill holds the pronged key. anywhere you want. Suddenly. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. Sir. You just name it.. SHANE That's kind of you.. Shane continues. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. S S 87. Shane. ILL I'm really proud of you. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.. And I think I want to explore that some more. GARAGE . pause) But I'll have to think about it. all I've never known is the military.

CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. Mr.when suddenly. Chun comes closer. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. He takes a submissive position. Shane shoots Bill a glance. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. hane takes control! He smiles. Mrs. relishing a second of glory -.. Shane puts his hands behind his head.. B 88. MRS. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant... while SLAMMING their heads together.. startled. Disoriented. Chun. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. confused.. Shane peers in confusion. SHANE'S POV woozy. He is losing consciousness.. . CLOSE-UP . startled. and starts to fall. and Mrs... reaching for Bill's key.. then passes out. There were delays.Shane and Bill spin. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. Things are spinning. he looks up as he drops. GUNS DRAWN. He turns...SHANE Lights out.

with two . You -. He GAGS the kids.. ILL North Korea pays better.DAY Shane lies unconscious. 8 Bill grins. then slides OPEN! enter. Charles trusted you.with me.. Bill checks the knots binding the children.. They whimper. and it CLICKS. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. Beside the safe is a red switch. Inside is a dark corridor. They THE VAULT! Spare..BLACK. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. FADE IN: INT. Bill and Mrs. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Chun approach the steel door. livid. scared.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor.. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. Peter has a JUICE BOX. The Korean Man (Mr. exit. (to Mr. 9. The door HUMS. reaching. Chun) Keep an eye on them. INT. Bill and Mrs. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. The Kids are furious. JULIE I trusted you. NURSERY . They anxiously tiptoe. tied up. Julie glares. Chun) secures the room. closing the window shades. bright and white. The floor is covered with square tiles. So did the Department of Defense. GARAGE . INT..

Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . Mr.. then Mr. With a rapid blur of finger-work. had eyebrows. She confidently strides toward the safe -.. she hits her panic button! O. BEEPING. Tyler GASPS. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. INT. then leans back against Zoe. quickly assuming a fake bound position. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. startled -. the Chun spins. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Chun guards the kids. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. as if she hadn't moved. done.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Mrs. He sneers.S. eyeballing them icily. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. but the of her jacket is on fire.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. low-pitched HUM. Mr. MRS. It's set on ARMED. MRS. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. Lulu frowns.SAME TIME Mr. The air is filled with an ominous..the Kids look innocent.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. MR. Bill eyes the safe. Lulu "looks" scared. But behind her back. like a monstrous computer. CHUN But I've got some C4. Chun is Bokay. off shoulder eyebrows.. Chun whirls -. HOUSE . she unties Zoe! Then -... she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.. horrified -. CHUN Just.needing a distraction. completely SINGED OFF.

Mr. Lulu runs. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. then. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. slamming the door behind her. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. CHUN That's cute. when he's at her level.. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. he drops to his knees in pain.. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun laughs: MR. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. she KICKS him right in the nuts. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr.. They untie Julie. It HURTS. Chun's head. Chun's face. .. snake-like move. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. he steps closer. Chun looks at Lulu. Mr. Mr. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Mr. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Chun's leg. Chun scowls. HAM without warning. Skeptical.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close.W Z 90. BEHIND TODD .

FRONT DOOR . He sticks his face out the hole. INT. NURSERY .. Chun punches the door.. INT.CONTINUOUS Mr. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.CONTINUOUS Mr. his face COATED in white. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . but the door won't budge. INT. Bill lurches into view. NURSERY . CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. I INT. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. Chun's face.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. clutching her! The . AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -..CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. M E M 91.. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . they're trapped inside.. She SCREAMS.but as Julie exits. making a small hole. DONNGGG -. Chun falls back from the door.. He yells out furious! MR.doorknob.

. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. Chun THE RADIO. MR. CHUN Chun falls. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. then nod and run to the side garage.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. speaking in Korean: RS.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.I've got the keys. INT. HOUSE . MINIVAN .. Chun comes racing around the house -.. She floors it. . ARGHH! driveway. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. EXT. They start to run back. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.. they're not going anywhere. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Mrs. Chun listens to Mr.CONTINUOUS are horrified. unsure. HOUSE .

It's getting old. Julie GASPS.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. VAN . Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. a CRACKLING of static. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. leading her to the secret door. Then. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. INT.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them.. Don't make me kill you too. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. holding a military RADIO. GARAGE . Chun exits the vault. oe runs a yellow. chilled. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. gaining on them.. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. They step past Shane's body. B . Mrs.Charles didn't tell me about the room. INT. lying on the concrete.

Bill deciding if he can trust him. emotional. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. Do it. It's like a chariot race.. MRS.Shane is standing in the doorway. He tries to pass them on the right. BILL Change of plan. Bring them back unharmed. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. Then -. The men stare down. It's B risky.) Bill.DAY The vehicles race.he clicks "talk" on the radio. ILL . Chun zooming by. ANGLE . EXT.. ZOE .93.. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. BUSY STREET . SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. ill eyes him. Surprised. Bill uncuffs Shane.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. CHUN Mr. as Zoe drives. everyone looks down. my husband has question: MR.. Bill. to cut them off! INT. I'll get you in..SHANE They look over -.S.. SHANE (O. they might wreck. just please don't hurt anyone. He does something we can't see. MINIVAN . don't hurt the kids. half on the sidewalk.

TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Chun off for a beat. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Bill waits impatiently. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Mr. Exasperated.. INT. SECRET VAULT . The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Mr. M R.. . Shane is figuring his options.. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Lulu starts PELTING Mr.What's taking you? 94.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault... then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. In the van. crayons. CRASH!! The kids cheer. Peter laughs. orange peels. triumphant. Mrs. Chun holds Julie. Mr. disoriented. Chun SCREAMS. It throws Mr. Hair spray.. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Chun with debris: milk cartons. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry.. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. and loses control.. Zoe looks over. She Mr.

. over one beam and ducking under another -. Shane SQUIRTS go get it -. Lulu. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. sending him flying backwards. Todd. Sweat drips down Shane's face.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane gets up. Shane steps forward . He speaks aloud.. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. ill cocks his gun.A bewildered beat -. BILL Code or no code. Tyler! Bill reacts. in pain. puzzled. Bill laughs. landing on his hands and knees. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Shane steps forward. Shane leaps back. confidently: J B B 95 .he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Peter.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Watch.

. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. Bill and Julie share a look -. E 96 . Julie relieved. CLOSE-UP . Something she said. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). lower than the floor. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. He steps sideway. across two tiles. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. Shane he steps forwards. Shane LAUGHS sharply. just like the crabs do. Again -.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. It dawns on Julie what he's doing.. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. NOTHING HAPPENS. Calmness comes to Shane's face. And you haven't got a chance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. not quite centered to the room. .SHANE Shane's thinks. He takes a deep breath.. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. fearlessly.NOTHING HAPPENS. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. He feels the Groove. He thinks. When you're down and low. and do the Peter Panda Dance.they have no idea what he's laughing about. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . then back: smiles..

EXT. and he catches up with the minivan -. 9 7.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. 5-0. from the ceiling.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. Don't follow me! . If he'd been takes a while. When he steps back -. Use the gas. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. his focus gone. Zoe blows past it. BUSY INTERSECTION . he'd be toast. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. not the brake. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. They have my mom. ZOE Come on. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. Inside is the Cute Cop. The Squad Car's lights flash on. and our bodyguard -.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. they're FLYING.

. It's acid. Following the chase. almost running it off road. SUBURBAN STREET .CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. sliding forward. but if I had more resources. Squad Car turns around and chases her. pool of liquid. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. 98. is Mr. INT. I accept full responsibility. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. Zoe U-turns. the Minivan SPEEDS by. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME.. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. at a safe distance.. like there ain't no floor. Then better jump quick. concerned. EXT. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. . VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. EXT. Claire frowns. SCHOOL . Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. NECK-BRACE.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. and speeds back towards her house. nervously. My intelligence proved to be faulty. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. She shakes her head. The Squad Car is on its tail. in a cloud of smoke. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. Suddenly. PLUMMER BASEMENT ..

and walks across the room. to calm down) Almost done. He lands in front of THE SAFE.. What do you say -. BILL I'll take that as a "no. The safe's red light turns green. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. almost done. if you're willing to join up. Immediately. BILL Thank you. and jumps back.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. Bill takes a breath -. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Beat. Bill signals for Mrs." He jumps. Mrs. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Shane. 99. Chun follows. All that we stand for. pulling Julie along. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Chun to go first. Nothing happens. Whew. You were always my best man. Finally. The Booby Traps are disarmed. sir. to the left of the HOLE. "Just hold your breath. disgusted. He holds his breath just in time. He nervously steps forward . and jump to the left.he waves his hand over the floor. I knew you'd figure it out. And you betrayed all of that. Bill looks around. He's relieved -. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates..SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. She gestures back: you go. The whole room goes SILENT. Shane scowls.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. It's a stand-off." . Bill shrugs.

. but Shane gazes coldly. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. her hair on end. You open it.. then catches himself. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Bill is off guard. But suddenly Mrs. Chun. unrelenting. Full of himself. BILL None requested. hitting Bill's arms. Nothing happens. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. and touches the dial. I think you better open it. Mrs. I walked the floor first. head.. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Bill is incensed. SHANE There will be no mercy. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Chun doesn't budge.Bill turns to the safe. SIZZLING. . She turns it. He starts to reach for the dial. BILL (CONT'D) . Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. legs! He's crazed. then PUNCHES him in the gut. Something's not right. shaking from the voltage. Relief... Shane reaches for the safe. Chun LEAPS onto his back. Chun reaches out. trying to read Shane's poker face.Mrs.. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. Bill gestures to Mrs. Bill LUNGES. Reluctantly . Shane shrugs. MRS.

He jumps to his feet. SHANE . ROUNDHOUSE KICK. landing on his back in front of the safe. Bill is charging him.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. They punch. chase after.O. K. Shane shakes his head. Shane tumbles.. saved. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls.BILL He steps over Shane. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. knocking her out. connecting only occasionally. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Leering mercilessly. unable to gain her balance. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. he drops and FLIPS her. SIRENS wailing.. tottering. Shane struggles to lose her.they tangle like pro's. stumbles backwards across the room.. then whispers/sings. She smiles. SHANE You're a. spin. It's clear the both have the same training. Shane narrows his eyes. delivering a series of hard punches. IN THE VAN. The Police Cars . the wind knocked out of him. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. which Shane deflects -. PLUMMER'S STREET . everyone is SCREAMING. kick. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.! EXT.. Shane COLD-COCKS her. Say. But he's unforgiving. terrible neighbor. OOF! Bill tumbles. She catapults.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. ANGLE . Suddenly. good night.

SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. Shane gently removes it. then BRAKES. The kids clamber from the van. SECRET VAULT . WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . Now we can go back to our peaceful.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. The van SKIDS. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. INT.and hits a tree. grateful. then look in the safe: Inside. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. The garage door raises. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.. The Kid spill out and run. HOUSE .. GHOST. It's finally over. SHANE .) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. Then -. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP.SAME TIME Total commotion.101. Shane steps out. from the car. Cops surround them.. JULIE Thank you Shane. But it's too late. She smiles at Shane. Whoa.O. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. smoke BURNING from the tires -. with their hands raised.. They look in silence.

Julie and Shane Freeze.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. Cops cover Shane and Julie. Even Chun is amazed. Zoe. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license..a CRAZED SCREAM. Shane weighs his not so many options.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. MR. and grabs the MR. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes.. Chun stands inside the gate.. Shane spins. helpless. ZOE But.S. vaults onto Chun. He scoffs. CHUN (O. Mr.. But then -. Now. as he turns his head. He's disheveled and manic. Silence. Numerous. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST..CUTE COP FREEZE. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. Nobody is sure what to do. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. I suggest you call the FBI.. The Cops are unsure what to do. triumphant. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. you're in a lot of trouble. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM... officer. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. 10 2. uh.

then walks off.B. watching the FBI Agents work. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. Shane examines it.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. Shane talks with an F.B. COP I think I'll call the FBI.I.B.. You're a one-man battalion.rocket launcher.I.I. F. Julie huddles with the kids. that was nice work. AGENT Mr. F . AGENTS swarm the area. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. ANGLE . GARAGE .B. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. 103. This chaos is unsolvable. PLUMMER HOUSE .I. Wolfe. Agent.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. INT. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. he . reaches for his radio. CLOSE-UP . SHANE Just doing my job..SHANE He breaks into a big grin.LATER F.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. swelling with pride. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. CLOSE-UP .

You tell me.. from the safe.. Julie. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. and gather around.. SHANE Well. He looks at Claire. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. You're the superior office. I'm on dry land. And to tell the truth. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. A tear comes to her eye. Zoe. EXT. The Plummers hug each other. say -.. I always have. re-conning the situation. fallen onto the floor. She sees. I don't know. Tyler.. a letter.. and Julie notice. SHANE .. On. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. then Julie found the key. I'm kinda. 104. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So..Yes. He looks around: at the family. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. Summer's almost here. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe..Maui? .. Peter. Does it itch? Yes.. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . Mock-angry.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.I want to say: I love you more than anything. here. Her siblings. Lulu -. Shane looks at her. Todd.

. 105. SHANE Ah. He puts them down. Julie looks up. come here you. TIGHT . sad. She puts out her hand.he can't keep it in. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe .he hugs the whole family at once. A long beat. SHANE Claire beams. Lulu turns to Shane. He starts to head off. He wipes his face. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. interrupting. squeezing them off the ground.SHANE This is too much. Guess you have to go now. I'm gonna .his medal. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. The Plummers all approach. to shake his. He squeezes her hand around it. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. baffled. Your work here is through. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. Like he did. Thank you. ZOE But. Shane. P ETER Love you.. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. Shane bawls -. LULU This is it. Zoe gives them a look -. For everything.Sir yes sir.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH...

his hair combed." Hearts swell. VICTORIA THEATRE. BACKSTAGE . The performers take their curtain . In SLOW MOTION." In the audience. even Murney. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. hit your marks. Claire: dressed to the nines. Todd spins. beaming with pride. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. They all watch. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. It's fantastic -. Shane stands. Shane watches with bated breath.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Julie watches in astonishment. Scott: in a suit. You Are Sixteen begins. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. the little Brownie Troop. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines.a Michael Jordan dunk. until he sits back down. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Farewell. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. A STANDING OVATION. She is surrounded by her children. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. rapt.

THE END Mission accomplished. He humbly steps into view -. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. touched.imsdb. Thundering applause.-The.calls. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. Shane smiles.html on December 9 2010 . FADE OUT.and the house goes crazy.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful