THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry

Karaszewki

March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --

retracting

2.

BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

they're almost out of ammo. . United States Navy. My way -.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. ON THE DECK . He cuts the Professor's GAG. He's gone.. over his head. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. but can't get free. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. Up to his nose. Shane removes his mouth piece.. Plummer screams. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water.no highway option. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. hauling the Professor up. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. But you have to do exactly what I say. One of our SEALS calls out to them.. SHIP'S HOLD . SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. to the roof.. terrified. When it finally opens. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. EXT. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances.. PLUMMER How did you know where I. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again.SIMULTANEOUS 4.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. him his oxygen. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. As the water rises. INT. when I say it. I'm gonna get you outta here. He tries force the door open.

EXT. holding the Professor. Shane takes a deep breath. SHANE INT. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. more!" They do. SHIP'S HOLD .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. clearly he loves this kind of day. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. and pulls himself. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. OCEAN'S SURFACE . SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant..The Seal calls out: "shoot more. 5.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him.. then disappear gracefully back into the water. INT. terrified. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. HELICOPTER . Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. HELICOPTER . He . Hold on. pulling the Professor in behind him. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . INT.

She thinks I'm dead. shutting him up. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. waits. . MOUNTAIN CLEARING .. That was the most incredible. CHARLES I'm safe.. EXT.beside him. Not imperative to the mission. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. thank you. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. Please.. how'd we.. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. PLUMMER Oh my God. We have to keep moving. Lieutenant. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. rotors whirling slowly.. the Professor looks terrified.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. Charles stops Shane. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. I'm just not big on chit chat.. I can't believe you. CHARLES Lieutenant.

you want to see it? Negative. INT. PILOT sits.. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Shane looks at him. WHAM. RUN!!! black..CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. DEAD. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe.. that's my specialty. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. I have a picture of my kids in here. back to him. I do security... Todd. knocked unconscious.. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. SHANE We're almost ready.. I'm alive.couldn't crack it.. Tyler.. PAVE HAWK . Peter.. Charles dials his cell phone. Shane considers. puzzled. then hands him his satellite phone.Charles picks up his briefcase. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. The briefcase pops open. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. Designed it myself. Charles dials. Lulu. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. Shane drops. All goes . SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. It's voice activated. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. and talks.

as the chopper ignites. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -.: Everything is a blur. SHANE'S P. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Bill sits down beside the bed. barely conscious. unconscious. He holds a REPORT in his hand.V. SHANE .it hurts to salute. HOSPITAL .. He looks around. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. A VERY TALL MAN steps out.O. EXT. sir. He takes a long look at Shane. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . despondent. unassuming. There is huge explosion. PAVE HAWK . A Huey Helicopter lands. HOSPITAL . Captain.7. in slow-motion. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. but he does it anyway. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. I know sir. Everything is ablaze. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. Shane reaches out.friendly. You're the best man I ever trained. He sees Charles. His arm and face bandaged.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. and takes Charles' Briefcase. And a good friend.

as I stated in my report. G. is still out there. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. he pulls off bandages.. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.O. appreciate your confidence..S.T. SHANE The case was empty sir. Bill considers this. He called it G.SHANE He had to call his family.. Invigorated.H.a genius.S. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. 8.. Shane sits up. I'm gonna need the mini sub.. BILL . One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. Then. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.H. and sits opposite Shane. BILL Not a surprise. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. I. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. really. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.T... . Thank you.O.. SHANE Sir. and starts to rise. disappointed. Bill shakes his head. He can't believe his good fortune. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. disconnects an IV.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. It's not that kind of mission. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. He pulls up a chair.

hearing the dead man's voice.. BILL The professor's wife requested you. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. Whoever killed the professor must think G.S. Either way. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. I'm alive.. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. intrigued.. SHANE'S APARTMENT .) Honey. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.. It's just that. presses play. I need someone to stay at that house.. Maybe it is. top to bottom. She told me someone had broken into her home. sir. anyway. Shane Wolfe. Shane is surprised.if anything happens to me. Not even when I was a kid sir. The family's scared. and protect them. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. is in that house. sir.NIGHT . maybe it isn't.. I'll call you in an hour.S. He's a good man. Widow. BILL .. CUT TO: INT. call Lt.O. I've never been very good with kids. (MORE) 9. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.. I love you. CHARLES (O. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared.Shane listens. I should go. I got a call from the professor's wife. Shane is shocked.. Searched the place. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -.T.H..

Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. Shane heads to the door. . He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. The sprinklers go off. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. Shane looks like a bad ass. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. peering up at him. Shane double-checks the address. night vision goggles. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. He looks at for a moment. they all go in. Shane eyes Lulu. Shane looks down -. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. with toys all over the lawn.O.V. 8. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells).Shane packs his duffel bag.. He reaches in. SUBURBAN STREET . then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside..then the door swings open. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. 10. also identical to the one he wears. Shane frowns. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. It SQUEAKS. He rejects it. Lulu eyes Shane. camouflage vest. Hm. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. and pulls out a small.. then goes back to his it chest of drawers.. EMALE VOICE (o.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. we're not interested.s. identical to the one he wears. EXT.and sees LULU. Shane's P. ready for anything. machete. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the

11.

KIIIDDS!!!

JULIE

Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.

12.

JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-

13.

But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. We slowly pull out.. Helga will ..MORNING stand hug Julie. Julie casually answers it. INT. listening to the conversation.s. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. it's Bill Fawcett.s.. 14. The phone RINGS inside. Through the window.the family eats dinner. Helga and the Kids in the doorway.. I think it could contain GHOST. Shane.NIGHT Shane. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. entersJULIE I'll be there. INT.s. with her suitcase. Swiss law says only his family can access it. BILL (o. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.) There's a catch.Nighttime -. JULIE That's wonderful. through the kitchen window. I have some potentially good news. LIVING ROOM . JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. This could all be over! BILL (o.) Julie. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Julie and Shane share a look.

And on the back door. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. it's my job to worry.. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. ZOE Mom -. H S ... SHANE Don't worry. . I love you guys. Plummer. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency.. And on the phone. And guys. are you licensed to kill? .. They'll be safe with me. I'll be back in 48 hours. it's just. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. do it.handle everything. Helga will take care of everything else. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children.we'll be fine. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Mrs.. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. No. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. chill. HELGA Everything will be fine.. I'm gonna miss you.. I am a mom. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do.

5. when in the corner of his eye -. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.. Shane turns off the light. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. INT.. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. pouring in Cheerios. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Gary suddenly FLIES by .he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. SHANE (CONT'D) . Immediately. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.. Shane shakes his head. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. He shuts off the - . UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.WHRRP! Shane ducks. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM.. can't find him.. on a short ladder. I make bottle.. INT. You do something.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Shane heads down the hall.. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM .) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.s.NIGHT hane rushes in -.NIGHT Shane.. elga stomps out.

window alarm and sneaks out silently. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups.. jumps onto the trampoline. ZOE Okay. Zoe! . SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. come on Scott. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. They both tumble to the ground. runs off. He's dazed. Shane LIFTING him in the air. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.BACK YARD . SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled... Zoe -. calling out from across the street.go back inside. ZOE He's my boyfriend. but alright. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. SHANE Not with this kid. SHANE So you're the one who broke in... . Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. Shane runs. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. tool. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood.. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. fine. PLUMMER HOUSE . Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. I'll call you.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. S COTT . In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. EXT. 16. house like a marionette.

he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket.. They're arguing with each other in Korean. MR. CHUN (perfect English. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. fuming. A simple misunderstanding.. I INT. The Alarm's still blaring. Shane addresses them. Kojak.. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. pop their heads out... Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. huh baby-sitter? Mr. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. and we found this in our pool filter. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. The alarm stops. Shane's about to head inside. Shane stands there.NIGHT . SHANE MRS. Oh.. we own a bakery. CHUN Thanks a bunch.Zoe storms inside. We had an intruder. no accent) We speak English. so we're up kind of early. THE CHUNS. PLUMMER HOUSE . Try to keep that zoo reigned in. Look. CHUN . IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . SHANE My apologies. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. Sorry. Oh. MR.

Zoe falls backwards into the room. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. She has to hop on one foot. Loud. Shane marches back down the hall. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). continues down the hall. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. lower than the floor.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. You should have told her the truth. Shane flips her foot in the air. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. S W 1 8. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. Bite me! Shane frowns. . And you feel like you ain't got a chance. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. SHANE Not anymore. to not fall over. Shane shuts her door.s.) sing). ZOE Who do you think you are -.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. bangs on Todd's doorLights out.

Then jumps up. one step back. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. then "crab-walks" sideways. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.laugh and laugh. T Z Z T 19. PLUMMER HOUSE . ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. to their beds. he wriggles on the floor. In the bedrooms. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. Three steps forward. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. . The Children.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. INT.groove. Peter in his bed. just like the crabs do. EXT. She does. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. in bed -. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Shane shakes his head. HOUSE . warm orange light.

OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. 20 . L Move. TODD'S ROOM .m. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. S . Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. ODD It's Sunday. motionless. Suddenly his door flies open -. disoriented. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Covering their ears. Todd blinks groggily.odd is out cold. half-asleep and angry. HALLWAY .MORNING Todd sits up.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Move. You're insane. Helga runs through in hair curlers. carrying the crying baby. INT. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. oe is wrapped in blankets. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. not understanding what's happening.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. like she's been electrocuted. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. Not in front of the kids...

SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. Your behavior is unacceptable. shocked. LULU ("copying" him) I said -.. HELGA (She curses Again.do you.he gives him a look of disbelief. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. lined up tallest to shortest. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way.. . ladies. in Romanian. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.) Shane's jaw drops.do you. KITCHEN .LATER The children are assembled.. INT. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. sucking on a bottle. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.. L 21. No highway option. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind.

Everyone cracks up. Angry. End of chain.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Red 2. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Shane bangs hard on it. P eter farted. Never take them off. or you're dead. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. S ULU (CONT'D) . It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium.. Shane tries to maintain decorum. Shane bounds up the stairs. ZOE He's in his room. Now that I know I can't trust you. I tell you what to do -.. wait. Red baby. Everyone stares blankly -.and you do it. where's the older male? There were five. He yells at her.. ZOE I am not wearing that.Shane starts to speak then thinks better.a tense silence. The panic button is only for emergencies. INT. Red Leader. So you are -. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. SHANE Tracking devices. He tries the knob. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.you better be dying.. he's furious.(pointing) Red 1. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Touch that -. but it's locked.

Todd nods in agreement. Shane steps aside. to her room. Oops. then CRASHES inward.22. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. He sees Shane.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. and Todd comes sauntering back. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. this wouldn't have happened. Zoe comes up the stairs. He has to go. HALLWAY ... patrolling. Down the hall -. hits Shane on the head.. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. and head down the hall. INT.MORNING . I can fix this. INT. the destroyed door and wall. PLUMMER HOUSE .they glare at Shane. INT. A piece of the ceiling falls. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.LATER ZOE . She stops at Todd's door -. If you'd been wearing it. The entire frame collapses. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet..NIGHT The bathroom door opens. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.a FLUSH.

Lulu hides behind Shane. L S 23. And then it hits Shane. just as -. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. HALLWAY . Daddy even said so. PAPERBOY (O.LATER . LULU This house is haunted. Peter! screams. He rushes for the front door. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Lulu SHANE Hey. He pretends to be a ghost. hey. Peter Booos again.WHACK -. hard.S. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. clicks his alarm remote opens it. INT. Shane turns.the rumble of a car approaching.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. His head shifts. He said there's a ghost. he hears something suspicious -. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. wearing a towel as a sheet.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Really? His eyes light up. to see that Peter is chasing her. I don't know. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it.

BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. Shane scans it. T IGHT .. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. inally. all the way down..ZOE AND TODD . pushing. I INT. then turns his attention to his laptop... Searching.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. BANGING her head and ass on each step. feeling. MR.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. When he hears an alert from his laptop. appears. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. scanning the ceiling. Then -. listening for hollow spaces. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. STAIRWAY . Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. He goes back to the living room.a creak. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. She screams. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. Nothing. Zoe whispers. F . as laundry flutters down from above. He RAPS again. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.Shane walks slowly down the hall. ZOE Here he comes. carrying a huge laundry basket..

Not in Switzerland. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. I can't.DAY Bill and Julie.DAY Establishing. It's taking him a LONG time. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He jumps to his feet. . He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. Then looks back to the paperwork. INT. He feebly gets up. SWISS BANK . and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. we're going to have to file a complaint. mouthing along in FRENCH. then licks his finger to turn the page.They gulp. He licks his finger again. SWISS BANK . They wait patiently -. ZOE Uh-oh. The Banker looks at him blankly. 25. EXT. He seems to be about 100 years old. terrified. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. but can't get the page to turn. BANKER Marcel! out. this is an urgent matter.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. If we can't get some faster service. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. Bill can't stand it anymore. looking jet-lagged.

MARCEL. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. QUACKING. enters. As soon as your background checks clear. suitcases in hand. Peter's in the aquarium.you will have access to the box tout-suite. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. The suitcase handle breaks off. Shane moves for the phone. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty.SAME TIME Helga. HELGA I am calm. I QUIT. He grabs her suitcase. grabbing her foot. Shane dives. RING! Amid the chaos. Oui. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. Shane picks up the receiver. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. How long is that? INT. But I can tell you -. SHANE (CONT'D) . remain calm -- 26. The duck flies around. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader.Shane tries to block her path. and Helga dashes for the door. As she tries to wrestle it away. heads to the door -. PLUMMER HOUSE . He DRAGS her back. JULIE Thank you. the chief does not speak English. Suddenly.Another Banker.

SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! .Helga falls forwards. (covering the phone. that landed on a diaper. Just doing my. against the counter. Shane lets go. Mrs. EXT. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door.. He picks up his hand. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Duty.. Mrs. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab... CRUNCH. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Plummer. HOUSE . Helga struggles to get him off. Shane hangs up the phone. Helga scampers out the door. and Shane falls back. 27. Shane body-checks it closed.Ah.everything's fine.

baby cries. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. He drops his head. Helga glares back. HOUSE . to find the kids are all gloomy.SHANE Rises.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. ANGLE . Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. SHANE Okay. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought.Helga jumps in the cab. Then -. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. There's been a change of plans. In the meantime. we're just gonna have some more big fun. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. . TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. in the rear window. defeated.CONTINUOUS Shane enters.. takes a deep breath and strides inside. INT.he slowly glances up. if she loves you.. she'll come back. ANGLE . The 28. dumbfounded. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. listen up.. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry..

. And then -. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. holding his nose. 29. inundated. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER.SHANE He gulps. BATHROOM . Nobody will help. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. takes a deep breath. I'm Navy. Until -. Pure self-preservation. repelled. nice moment.. your enthusiasm. SHANE Whoa.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. Only then can we rise to the challenge. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. INT. CLOSE-UP . SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. . holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SShane GROANS. HEY! Even Peter runs. everyone bolts from the room.it flops open. Using the tools as chopsticks.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. All for one.

INT. I think you're cute.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall.he can't do it. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk.. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. LULU Hi. then FLUSHES. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Lulu is in her pj's.) Thank you. She follows. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. he looks down to see Lulu. HALLWAY . over and over and over. Shane tries approaching -. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. SHANE (unsure how to respond. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative.. she just stares at him.SHANE The things I do for my country. 30. . Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. like a puppy. Lulu follows at his heels. he looks around for a solution. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. Lulu doesn't go away. Aghast.

proud of his accomplishment. Todd.Shane walks room to room. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. I can get lots more of those. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. Shane smiles. And I've survived off this stuff for months. All the lights are out. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. Lulu looks at him.it's time for you take a nappypoo. and shuts off her light. . Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. in beddibye land. all the kids asleep. The kids sit down at their designated spots. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. 31." dubious. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. little girl. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. The Kids stare at "breakfast.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. like he's an idiot. KITCHEN . On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. pulling down the shades on every window. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. INT. and patrols.BREAKFAST .

LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. Shane sighs. ladies. dancing. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. all for one.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. We're gonna pull together. . ZOE He's only two... crying. Shane turns to Lulu.. too. So -... if I say out.. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. If I say in.. Peter starts bawling. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. LULU . one for all.. you go out. Shane answers. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. Your mama -. (then:) Yes.. And the phone rings. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. He runs away. Peter stands in his chair. trying to hear over the screaming..is not here to take care of you now. Wanna see? Negative.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. then at Tyler -.. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane..here's how it's gonna be. I can cross my eyes. you stay in.

It hits ZERO. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. 32 SHANE Plummer residence.h. dramatically unveiling Shane... A big suburban school. He said if you're late again. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. With your .p. GARAGE .9:29 A. sir.M. He wants to see you in his office. Thank you. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. innocently. I know it's Monday." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. backwards at sixty m. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. Across his chest. Shane fumbles with it for a while. Zoe smiles at him. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. The Minivan skids completely sideways. yes. He hangs up. EXT. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.a death defying.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. Oh.. GARAGE .. and at that . STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. EXT. INT. LULU We're gonna be late. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. SHANE Not on my watch. legal guardian. INT. It just doesn't add up. perfect parallel park... you and Todd are expelled.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot..MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .. into a TINY parking spot -.

V. You're in my house now. They're the worst students in my school. too. The Kids crack up. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. Well. a few days. conduct and truancy. assured. Shane. He's HUGE and mean. mortified. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Looks like Mrs. Murney is unimpressed. The Kids are seated around him. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. son? SHANE Wolfe.P in charge of discipline. whatever work you can get. Top to bottom. Plummer finally listened. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. . She's attractive. as he plays on the floor. K thru 12. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). He withers. He glares at Shane. I'm Murphy. I coach wrestling. Murney is furious. tough. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Out of twenty-three. Duane.moment. Lieutenant. holding Peter on a harness.. boy. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS.. they needed a parole officer.

huh? You with "The Teams?" The . that as vice principal. staring him up and down. fuming. The opens the door for Murney. Principal Claire eyeballs him. The teens hustle off to their classes. 34.. BELL rings.. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. I think I can handle this from here. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. She told me all about you. Shane checks his TRACKER -. (then. Lieutenant. impressed. What are you doing in my office. Good. Claire sees this -. SHANE Red 1. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. He exits. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Plummer called my captain. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. Get moving. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. as he casually holds the three kids.and suddenly reacts. Mrs.. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.two little red DOTS move away.. Plummer.Good morning kids. You see. Red 2. I am in charge of.

.. Just try not to frighten the children. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. Claire looks nervously around. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. Service paid for my college. and the way I run my school.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. Courage. SHANE Can't be too careful. The 35.. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. dead serious. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. SHANE "Honor. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . to balance Shane. On the spot. So. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.(Shane nods.. Welcome aboard. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. SHANE . SHANE .. That's the way I live my life.MID-MORNING seeShane.. She lifts her pants leg.

. BINOCULARS P. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. in line to get lunch.last time: Open the hanger. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Official Business. yanks his hood over his head. turns her back to him embarrassed. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Todd. CAFETERIA . sitting in the back row of a class.V.Clean as a whistle. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. in Shane puts down his binoculars. He turns to the person front of him. with stern intensity. Zoe. INT. two. Shane closes the computer. Beside Shane. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. delighted. Lulu sees Shane and waves. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three.O. does the same. one. Now -.V.. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. . Todd. picks up a pair of binoculars. Black Hawk coming in.O. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. SHANE Give up now. Save us both a world of pain. He checks his tracking device. like a tether ball. 36 .: Five hundred students eat at long tables.. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat.

ignoring him. SHANE Hey -. Tyler laughs.. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. A whole day. not so dry where you're sitting.. lieutenant.I out rank you. Claire smiles. You're on dry land. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. Principal Claire smiles. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. .but you're pretty good at this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids... SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Sure. Oh. man. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.. I'm impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. Can I call you Shane? . I guess. (she looks at his chair) Well. 37. He yanks Tyler away from him. huh? Shane gives her a look. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. with milk.) Shane. (she toasts. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. When you agreed to serve your country..Tyler gurgles. Shane sighs. Seriously.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. you don't. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. you know. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Mr.

Look at him. and the sound of Students in an uproar. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. As soon as they see the Principal. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler.. Zoe. MURNEY You heard the lady. INT. in the crowd. impressed. cheering. Personally .That's. and "punches fists" with him. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. I don't care who starts it. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. (Todd) 38. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd.. unusual. Murney smirks. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. but not stopping it. the crowd freezes. LUNCH-LINE . Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. MURNEY He did. VP Murney is watching. next week's tournament is off... Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd.

Nice moves.. yeah.I'm a black belt myself. Sorry. Murney. the crowd breaks up. sir. Maybe you could stop by practice. Boys'll be boys... Todd shakes him off and heads to class. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Murney approaches Shane. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -.I think that's a little harsh. . sticking the landing.Todd lands on his feet. MURNEY Oh. Maybe some other time then. 39 . promise I'll go easy on you. SHANE . stopping an inch from Shane's head. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Don't even think it. flinch.. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. what do you say? Come on. MURNEY Pretty slick. SHANE . man. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane.. I'm on duty. The Bell rings. Frogman -. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here.total control.. Todd lunges at him. He'd kill you so fast. That's right. (low.

.. Bathroom's down the hall. But. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. Roger that.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. INT. holding Tyler out like a grenade. SHANE Oh -. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal.Tyler's diaper is full.CONTINUOUS .INT.change him. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. as he keeps watch. Panicked. following his tracking device. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . another dollar twenty.2:55 Shane looks exhausted.. Uh. Have fun. Shane recoils in disgust. Then Shane smells what she means -. and not cry. It leads him to a door. He bursts though it. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . Just then. for one who'll eat.. doing a shoulder roll. 40. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. minus taxes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Lt. The Principal strolls up. Tyler is crying. Emergency! SHANE INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY . Not my job.. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to.

CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. I INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE . with the Panic Button in her hand. He blasts through a red light.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . Lulu is in front of the class.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . 41. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. He speeds away after them. through the fence. EXT. almost tipping the minivan.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. SHANE EXT. He leaps out of the minivan. At that moment. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. Thanks. He hands her to the Principal. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. EXT. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. EXT. Shane makes a right. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. racing down the road ahead of Shane. They make a sharp right. BUSY INTERSECTION . HALLWAY . Shane is furious.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. but the FINAL BELL rings. are heading away from the school fast. Shane lands in fight stance -.the Class applauds. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.

Shane trudges through the river of muck. Shane easily takes them out. SQUISHY footsteps. INT.LIVING ROOM . Shane pries off the manhole cover. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. Three Workers rush him. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. and charges through. all brandishing tools. He takes a deep breath and dives under. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around.It's dark and dank. feet away. PLUMMER HOUSE .SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. It's horrific. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.SHANE He's alone. He winces. From outside. then checks the tracker -. .section. No sweat.then gasps -. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. ANGLE . Shane lowers himself down.the DOTS are CLOSE. SEWER .LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. INT. He catches his breath.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.then RUN. and the sound of OMINOUS. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. IN THE MANHOLE . they hear the front door open. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. then checks his tracker. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. you're about to get a beat down.

LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. BACK YARD . use our nonemergency number. CUTE COP 14 year old Male.LATER Shane is in the shower.p. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. INT. INT. The Cop leaves. The smell is BAD.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. thank you. revealing Shane. looking like a Swamp Creature. 43 INT. Covering her nose.. . weird hair. 16 year old female.b. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. he doesn't say anything. She practically GAGS as she passes him. Everyone gasps. Todd stiffens. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'.Then the door swings open. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. The Cop looks at them. BATHROOM . . KITCHEN . CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. Call. If you need anymore help. then covers their noses. CLAIRE I should probably get going then.. with a smirk. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. Ditto. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing.. The Cop turns to Shane. Zoe checks him out as he goes... Zoe fixes her hair.

it's Monday. we can't go the Jamboree.S. cringing in disgust. LULU I can't. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. He looks at it. 4 . FAMILY ROOM . close to tears. Shane. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . (whispers:) Come on. If we don't sell enough cookies. They already think I'm a loser.. Lulu starts to sniffle.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop.. He sees on the fridge. You gotta help me out.) Get rid of them. And it's not like I have any other friends. LULU We have to. Mom's our den mother. 4. They won't be home `til ten. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. in just a towel. INT.a dozen little girls in uniforms. they're staring at him.all junk food. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies.Shane enters. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. Monday. and whistle. The Brownies applaud. SHANE (O. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. pulling Lulu after him. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. cause mom never lets me out of her sight.

revving a cordless POWER DRILL. Now -. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. They are assembled. then drills it into place.Lulu's about to burst into tears.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.. Shane sighs.. Zoe's on the phone.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. I'm scared of you.. BROWNIE Den Mother? . unpacking boxes of cookies. Indian Style. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. I'm gonna be your den -commander. Here's how it's gonna be. at attention. ZOE'S BEDROOM ." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. back in "uniform. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. LIVING ROOM . . INT.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. He's not just locking them -. Shane blows passed her.wait here.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. ZOE . Tonight.MOMENTS LATER Shane. INT. yeah. he's a total psycho. SHANE Good.. getting ready to go. INT.. KITCHEN . ladies.. do as I say. the other to his back. SHANE Alright.

. Scott.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor.. I can see you through the window. as he pushes a cart into the store.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. No.. (she listens:) Hm. GROCERY STORE . 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. GROCERY STORE ..PARKING LOT . ZOE . nuts?" EXT. EXT. He smiles. He looks around at the bright. GROCERY STORE ... LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. He sees: a huge. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. it's like Oz or something. I dunno if that's a good idea. but they're . NOTHING looks familiar -. hits speed-dial.. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals..MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan."what are you.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. the camera CRANES up to.5.nothing even looks like food. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. he's got us on lock-down. Tyler looks at him -. DRIVEWAY . Zoe picks up the phone.. SHANE I gotta get supplies. GROCERY STORE . INT.. but if anything happens. EXT. Snack packs. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. 4 EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.

MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. and lets her go. He laughs.noticing very shy. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. He rips it open. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . They're headed straight towards the cookie table. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. GROCERY STORE . UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever.. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. I haven't seen anybody..she tugs and tugs. Finally. they're back. One of the Brownies spots something. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. EXT... How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. . but can't get away. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. The Cub Scouts high-five.. clutching their boxes. One The Brownies take off running. chubby CUB SCOUTS. menacingly. you Skeever? . before I get my face punching badge on you.

and points at Lulu's Panic button. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. Shane's monitor starts beeping. Where? SHANE INT. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . He firmly tells Lulu. He wears . trembling. you're supposed to take us to dinner. 47. Around his neck. Not cookies.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. EXT. The Brownies are huddled behind it. Get in the car. The Brownies scream. He heads toward the Scouts. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. If I don't come back -avenge my death.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. CHEESE . we're going home.A LITTLE LATER . SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. CHUCK E.2ND SCOUT Nope. PARKING LOT . Shane eyes the Cub Scouts.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. I'm here to protect you. He bends down.22's. Cheese MANAGER.

the Chuck E. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL.. This much The Manager laughs. . LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. The Manager approaches Shane. which causes him to lisp. skee Brownies are running around. Cheese! Wider reveals. Lulu approaches. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game.. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere... Shane's watching Peter.. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. this much cyanide.CHAOS. On stage.braces and head-gear. A LITTLE LATER: 48. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. playing video games and ball. Cheese automaton band JAMS. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle.

then cracks her in half over his knee. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. . then kicks him in the face.she pins him to the ground. He cracks his knuckles. Lulu screams out with her fighter. Then he a joy stick. He steps up to the machine. Round three starts. I thought you liked combat. My joystick's broken. He checks over his shoulder -.. spins her. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. The second round starts. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. SHANE That's not fair. kneels on his head. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Lulu picks a small female character. He's really mad. They begin. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Shane even get one punch in -. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. LULU The Hulk can.LULU I pressed two player. and then a kick in the face. Shane is taking it really seriously. Unless you're scared.. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. stretches. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air.

its joystick dangling by its wires. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. Shane's really fuming..CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. LULU You're not even trying. jumping. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed... HOTEL ROOM . come on -.. PLUMMER HOUSE . leaving the sizzling machine. while he pounds the buttons.. swing and a miss. Sparks fly..stop worrying. It's really annoying. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. INTERCUT WITH: INT.. INT.. slamming buttons. swinging and missing. She keeps dancing. Shane's working the joy stick hard. 50. ZOE Mom -. LULU Too slow. oops too slow.LIVING ROOM . He is KO'd. the Zhouse is quiet. Lulu's having fun now. but he can't hit her. ZOE . LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. it's my job to worry.. dancing.take a shot.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom...SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.. He and the Brownies sneak away..

INT.LIVING ROOM . but you know I have to do this. loads Brownies into the minivan. 51. EXT. JULIE It's only a few more days. I love you.Seriously. I hate leaving you.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. VARIOUS SHOTS . who doesn't seem concerned at all. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . ZOE I know. She turns to Scott. PLUMMER HOUSE . MALL PARKING LOT .in my cell. up. And the folks who read my BLOG. kids everywhere. ZOE Dude.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED.. Don't worry. Zoe rolls her eyes.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. The guy's just a control freak. not cool. counting them. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. ZOE Dude. everything's cool. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. this is outta hand.The Plummer House: . Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps..CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. . we're okay.

the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. CHUCK E. INT. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. again. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. Whoa. and goes down for the diaper. SHANE . LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. Suddenly. We see what he forgot: PETER. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. S 52.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.for a long time. freestyling in the ball pool -. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER..Move. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. gasping. CHEESE .. He's holding the diaper. MANAGER Relax. He disappears under the balls -.not okay. to leave a man behind like that. He holds his breath. the Brownies follow.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. SHANE Inexcusable. Silence.they almost always do... Shane grimaces. He's still down there. out away from him. The Manager is watching him. He charges across the room with the diaper. is fine. move.LATER .. SUBURBAN ROAD . Not okay. move! Go go! EXT.

gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.then CRUSHES the ball.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. jocks throwing footballs. a total wreck.. making out.KITCHEN . I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. we're gonna do this . Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. scared. Scott. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. Party's over. He gets out -.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. at a full run. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by.. Peter and Tyler up the path. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings... Now. Shane takes Lulu. EXT.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse.. 53.. Shane snatches it mid-air -.. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. chugging drinks. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Reeling. PLUMMER HOUSE . then RUN. CLUB lock off the door.. INT. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.'s turntables. PLUMMER HOUSE .J. as he pulls up in the Minivan. Outraged. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.and groans in disbelief. vents. windows. peeing in the bushes. trying to understand.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.

.. labeled with a Sharpie. residue.no highway option. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. Scott and Zoe. PLOP. as kids clean. He fumes. and walk out of sight.. He hands Scott the mop. He lifts the sofa. In a bathroom. CUT EXT. in Playtex gloves. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. straightening -. INT. Shane goes over them. he takes it off. trying to maintain his dignity. Oh my god. furiously clean. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .then he notices something.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . He holds it up to a KID. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet..my way -.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. They see Shane find the CD. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers.. Shane's eyes narrow. ladies. PLUMMER HOUSE . sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Miserable TEENS scrub.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Scott gulps . The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. Clean. INT. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. through binoculars. mopping. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. It reads: GHOST. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54.CONTINUOUS .

Zoe blows past him -. After a beat. ZOE .ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. outside the bathroom door. PLUMMER HOUSE . where she throws up. Shane hands her a handkerchief. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. He heads upstairs. she pukes again. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence.. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Scott's the last one to leave. Shane . They show no respect for you or your house.into the bathroom. ueasy. Rambo.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. Lulu's crying. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you..VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. downstairs! He walks down the hall. PLUMMER HOUSE . Zpounding on doors. Zoe gets up. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. You're like a robot. CUT TO: EXT. Todd picks her up. My friends will never come here again. ZOE I do too respect myself. Because you have no respect for yourself. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. Shane stands. helpless. and screams in Shane's face. INT... shaky and furious. Thanks a lot. sits down. you hate us. (Announces:) Company. furniture polished.

Suddenly.55. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS.. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. fiercely -. Red 1.. as soon as your mom comes back. TWO NINJAS. I'm gone. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. all in black BURST in through the window. They leap down after him. SHANE Puberty.. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. pounding him with their . SHANE You're right. NINJA GHOST -. Not even from the enemy. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. Don't worry.they're good. He goes down.the three fight.hand it over! staffs.. Shane spins in fight-stance. Wielding with great skill. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. tired) It's Scott. close-quarters and fast. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT.the power goes out. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Go to your rooms. I'm not the man for this job. Suddenly -. The Ninjas attack.. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. talking doesn't do any good..

until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat.. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. He pulls the string. blinding him.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. ..until a Ninja knocks the shelf over.then the Ninjas charge... He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. SHANE Okay -. WHACK. They step back. several FURBIES hit the floor. he hits a Ninja in the head. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. facing them. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. and flings them all over the floor.. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. The Ninjas move towards him -. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. 56 INT.. PLAYROOM . FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. and uses them both to fend off blows.knocking him into. Shane fends the Ninjas off. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. a squeezes . It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. it makes a silly thunk. and grabs it. Shane crashes down.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. Shane runs to the changing table. avoiding Legos. With his foot. fiercely. toys fly.

Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. Shane approaches Zoe's door.. disappointed to have lost them. He sprays it in Shane's face. fearful... The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. .SECONDS LATER Composing himself.SHANE 57. ANGLE . He runs to the broken window. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. TODD Who were they? What did they want. Shane bangs the window sill. Todd and Zoe enter..then the door creaks open. Then. blinded. he hugs Peter and Lulu. He A long pause -.. Kids.. HALLWAY . POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. He hugs them. terrified.? SHANE They're looking for a program. SHANE It's safe. INT. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. He really hugs them. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time... LULU Please don't leave us Shane. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. that your father invented. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. The cloud dissipates. quietly knocks. bawling.. and Shane sees he's now alone. It's okay. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. SHANE Shhh. Shane isn't sure what to do.. You can open up. He squints.

she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. eye to eye. relieved. startled. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. the other kids join in. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. I'll listen to you too. He looks Zoe. From now on. all smiles. They hug him tighter... you listen to me. okay? We need a little more cooperation here." And then. INT. Zoe answers it. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. They shake -.. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. Shane is furious -. it's been a long night. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.they all jump.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. And I'm not going anywhere. Shane offers his hand to shake.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. absolutely nothing pottery .okay? Zoe and Todd nod. SHANE They're not after you. The kids shudder.. 58. LIVING ROOM . CLOSE-UP . Then.a long pause... Deal? Truce -. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. Then. They want this. too. Soon. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. and do what I say.then they hug him.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. But nothing's gonna happen to you. as long as I'm here. "Unchained Melody.

but they didn't find it.. SHANE Mrs. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.it's okay. and Shane emerges with the five kids. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. Don't worry -. Nope. metal two pronged KEY. We found something in the box.we'll be just fine. HOTEL ROOM . .MORNING Early morning. SCHOOL . Shane takes the phone.happened you should worry about. INTERCUT: INT.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. everyone's fine. two men tried to get into the house tonight. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. It looks like some kind of "key". SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. yes and no.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. But we're not sure what it is. We just don't know what its for. She holds up the strange.. They're gone. They were looking for GHOST.. The minivan pulls up. SHANE (very genuine) . students run in to school. EXT.. Plummer. You have any luck? JULIE Well.. SHANE No ..

VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. He dips an INT.. squashed at a little desk. They look concerned. I know it's good. Peter 60 She smiles. egg in some purple dye. LULU'S CLASSROOM .she'll pay for the damage. she wrecked a driver's Ed. mortified. ANGLE on Lulu. a crazed TEACHER next to her. ANGLE on Shane." Then. making a mess of an egg. HITS the gas.. SHANE Don't worry.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. then BRAKES. LULU'S CLASSROOM . Zoe sits in a folding chair. So. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. THE GYM . car -. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. SCREAMING. Murney stands.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. MURNEY . An obstacle course with cones.DAY Driver's Ed.. Principal Claire next to him. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. Lulu's classmates all chant.INT. sunglasses on. EXT.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. Shane stands off to the side. shaking his head. reacting each time she HITS the gas. and smiles at Shane. . He is gesticulating.. "yeah. then BRAKES. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . Shane nods. who sits in the back.

.. And that's not all. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. Shane scowls. No. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.) See if you can talk to the boy. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. But this. it's not that -.yes.. but -. SHANE He's not a NAZI. Todd and Zoe stand to go.I'm a bit concerned. I was doing a little recon in his locker. Shane gives Zoe a look. Zoe shrugs.. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. and I'm not sure what to do.. what do you expect..That? Lady drivers. boys will be boys -. and Shane walks them out. 61. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.. Todd enters.. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods..but this is just sick. what's going on. Shane stops. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.. He does always miss sixth period. . giving him a "skinhead" look. (pulls Shane aside.it's the boy. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. Murney calls into the hallway.

stretching. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. MURNEY You're a good man.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. and leaves.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. we'll give these boys a treat.that whole family's no good. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . I promise I won't hurt you. as he passes. 62. kicking him in the BACK. if you ask me. huh? (Shane ignores him. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. maybe. SHANE Another time. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. Shane walks the kids out. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Without warning. SHANE I'll talk to him.. Shane trips forwards to his knees. Shane.. and keeps walking. and Murney chases after him. I'll show you a couple moves. Murney laughs. Kung team: Shane walks away. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. MURNEY It's a date then. and leaps at Shane.

shakes Shane turns back. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. but he . It looks like Shane might fight. It's pink. On the corner. Keep all doors sealed. PLUMMER HOUSE . so the alarm didn't go off. do your homework. Todd runs towards the house. He enters. and leaves. Shane looks out the window -. Shane hops out the window. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. preheat the oven. SHANE Smart kid. I want to talk to you.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. and snickers to his Team. keeping the contact. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. with a flowered basket.. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. he can see Todd. It's small for him.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. TODD'S ROOM .far down the block. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. Shane screws the window shut. Nothing. He sees Zoe. Murney his head. you're in charge. SHANE Wait Todd.. INT. He starts to shut the window. signal me. The window is wide open. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. EXT. peering out her window. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. running around the corner. Shane parks. but instead he takes a deep breath.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .

inside.

DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.

65.

And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

girls'll think I'm. Shane shakes his head. Shane straightens up. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. they're not sure what to do. or not? Everyone nods... SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling... SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. Shane looks at the Cast. Shane's glare.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever...What if.. TODD .. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. it's over. Todd looks up at Shane. SHANE COMPANY -. show's off. they quickly assemble on stage. Chicks dig guys who can dance... weird or something? 66 .. BEAT. Todd looks devastated -. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. Liesl chimes in. He smiles. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway.. LIESL We don't have a director...

. another girl picked up the phone.LATER .. He hears Zoe in her room. SHANE Okay. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. It's stupid. He turns out the light. I promise. SHANE . 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. INT. I know it's no big deal. ZOE . BREAKING something.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. I called him in his room.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . INT.. LULU'S ROOM .Yes.. YES WHAT? SHANE .just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. He peeks in -..LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. Scott. I won't touch him.... Shane exits. angrily.. I don't know why I let it get to me. No wait! . furious.

Shane looks at her surprised. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. To find a secret gnome. As Shane finishes the story. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.. Uranium.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. he illustrates.. (MORE) T S L 8. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. He sits on the bed. Let's see.Uh.. So -they waited for cloud cover. I 6 . setting up the scene with DOLLS.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. Stumped... SHANE(CONT'D) One day.. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into... and they came in from the north. the little Elf family -. Once there was a family of Elves. facility. Went into the magic forest... on Lulu's floor. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. The elves had to go in and take it out. ULU Tell me a story.

reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low....Rodriquez.. TODD You have to do the dance. c'mon.. And not one Elf got left behind that day. SHANE Oh. Like dad used to do. Peter WAILS. lower than the floor. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . .. and whispers to Peter.. Peter starts bawling. Lulu's fallen asleep. from across the hall.. and do the Panda Dance. S 69. Then. Even... Shane sighs... NURSERY . TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. And you ain't got a chance.. head in the door. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. The wails get louder and LOUDER. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance.. INT. TODD I'll write it down for you. I can't remember that thing. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.mean standing. We got `em all. or he won't stop. He made it up for him.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep... the teeniest little elf of all -. Todd calls from the doorway.

terrified.. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Shane turns and catches Mr.Shane sighs. Shane. GARAGE .MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman..) EXT. (He does. Shane crab-walks sideways. Shane hops forward three times. Humiliated. He does the dance as he sings. She gets out in shock. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Chun gets his paper. with her Gameboy. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. The Kids sit bolt upright.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. . staring. Peter applauds.. Lulu is next to him. through the mirror. just like the crabs do. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. Chun. (Tyler in the snuggle). They turn to Zoe. SHANE Today you drive. T the A 70. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. and gets in the driver's seat. PLUMMER HOUSE . He sings again..MORNING . SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. mortified.

I can't even pass driver's Ed. no. MINIVAN . Exactly. She pulls out. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection.. not the road... SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. The Kids share a dubious look. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Touched. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. I trust you. Lulu and Todd are terrified. Zoe backs jerkily out. Keep going. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. INT.. Shane is nervous. Zoe is surprised. but trying not to show it.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive.. jerkily.. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. Shane is shaky. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. S P .ZOE But -. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car.

Shane's . and a little make-up. Very funny. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. 1500 hours. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. trembling. Shane jumps out of the car.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Scott's terrified. ZOE Ha ha ha. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. She's wearing a cute dress.. Chastened.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. INT. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. EXT. Zoe smiles. SHANE Good. CAFETERIA .71. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Claire strides into view. Next lesson. Shane unclenches his teeth. with a few FRIENDS. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Shane spots something. being obnoxious.. hey head into the school. severe stare) Now. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. terrified. laughing. Shane lets him down and heads into school. KIDS boisterously run past.. Before Scott knows what's happened.. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend).Claire BARKS out. Suddenly -. the kids gulp and orderly march away.

Suddenly. Shane leaps over the table.. something. sailor? Thanks. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well." In one move. S T P ..... 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Love it when he does that. Shane`s not so good at small talk.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. too. and offers him a milk. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . him by the ear. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. Wow. It's a miracle. Principal Claire sighs "not again. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. impressed. S he sits beside him. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. SHANE hey eat in silence. you never know who you're going to run into.eyes alight. He smiles back. She's waiting for him to say. She smiles. dragging .

Talk. Murney gets up in Shane's face.. Silence. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. I want to sing. I. It opens Friday. Yeah I do. Murney. I quit. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. boy. I'm right here. M 73. No one's sure they heard him right. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. . Principal Claire takes one: she laughs.. Murney turns around. Then: TODD I am not scared.. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria.. TODD Hey. MURNEY Winners never quit. now it all makes sense. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. intimidated. Todd looks... MURNEY I've had it.Murney shoves Todd forward. What're you so scared of. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Freak? The Students snicker.

Your ass is mine. it's scary S 74. Everyone is watching.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school.face to face. TODD There is a man in my house -. Murney did not expect to be called out. His voice cracks -. There is a stunned moment -. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. You win. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. humiliated. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. So calm. protecting him. taking flyers.and then a mob of Students. furious -URNEY So -. The whole team wants to quit. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. The Gym.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS.me. You suck. Murney looks around. swarm Todd. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. M urney looks over at the Team.Shane steps them. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. Let's do it. They look to the ground sheepishly. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. Todd's telling the truth.it reads: . I'm the only one with the guts to do it. He storms out.

The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. and sweeps Murney -. hard. 3:00. M URNEY on. mumbling something. and they head out. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Shane throws an arm around Todd. climbs to feet and CHARGES again.sending him right into the wall. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Murney. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Shane side-steps. quietly twitching on the ground. rushes Shane. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. grabs onto Murney's waist. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -." INT. Murney lands on his back. The bleachers are PACKED. Murney bounds to his feet. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. shocked. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. WHAM.BAM. GYM . Todd flops to the mat. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. S 75. Todd cheers Shane on. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain.3:00 mat."Murney's getting his ass kicked.

Todd.Dislocated nerve. Claire. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. TODD That was awesome. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. fascinated. I got my troops waiting. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. If you're not sure. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. She gives him a thumbs up. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. TO: EXT. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. When I Rwanda. LULU We're Brownies. They walk out. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. FOREST . No brownies edible. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. . that's all. BUGS. The crowd cheers. too. 76 SHANE either. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling .

In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.. PLUMMER HOUSE . PUNCH. EXT. here at the top of the stairs. Zoe . where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor..we'll put Von Trapps here. The Duck watches all this -. in between punches." INT.. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. He signals her.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. In unison. in perfect tempo.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them.FRONT LAWN . Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. and.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones..fascinated. MALL PARKING LOT . NURSERY . He laughs at his own joke. The Kids don't get it. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.. KICK. He illustrates the stage directions. the Girls PUNCH. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. Shane holds a stopwatch.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. EXT.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. she burns rubber. Now the Nazis are gonna come in.she hits EVERY ONE -.. here. INT. MALL PARKING LOT . SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. PUNCH. he reaches out and rocks it. KICK. OLD FACTORY .

PLUMMER HOUSE . He counts begins wriggling free.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.2.BACK YARD ... T I E 77.. blur.. INT.DAY -"1.3.. in we WIDEN back. mercilessly. They watch closely. EXT.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.out and weaves the cones." Lulu.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.. as and then her BROWNIE uniform.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. ODD . INT. Shane gives her a signal. your life little girl. OLD FACTORY . NURSERY .FRONT LAWN .. it teeters.. Hands a T . The Brownies attack. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. EXT. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. EXT. but doesn't fall. she only clips one. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. MALL PARKING LOT . PLUMMER HOUSE .

8. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. Todd tries the kick. adding a James Brown flourish. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Graceful. INT.huh? Now. U Shane BLOWS the whistle.EVENING . He does a spin kick. Shane is so touched. NURSERY .he's got it down. He kisses Peter on the forehead." Singing and doing all the moves -. Peter Panda. Then he tucks Peter in. Again. he almost bursts into tears. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. now and then. Peter. Graceful. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . THUD! Gazelle. Peter. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. odd tries the spinning kick. SHANE I'm not your daddy. but blows it. But sweet dreams.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -.hard. daddy.

"PRICE CLUB" STORE . at their own table. 9.. You're gonna have to pay for that.he sees. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. The Scout struggles. INT. striking a cool pose. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief.. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. proud. He smiles. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. see them. tying him.in a FLIP.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. As he's comparing prices -. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. wearing the double snuggle. he lands on the ground hard. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. The . Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. she wraps it around his arm. The Scouts share a look -. Across the lot. but like lightning. S SHANE That's my troop. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. scary. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. the Other Scouts are scared.MOMMY! She lets him go -. She shoves a cookie in his mouth.they LAUGH. the Chubby Cub Scouts. FORMATION. In one move.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N

80.

- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z

Z

S

1.

8

SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

OE I never even got to say good bye. The phone rings. JULIE The red tape is cleared up.soldier. HALLWAY . Shane answers it. the kids are all abuzz.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. EXT.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. J 82.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . BACK YARD .SHANE He's left alone. WITH: J INT. A tear runs down Zoe's face. happy. INT. talking excitedly. ANGLE . sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. HOTEL . we're on the first plane in the morning. She throws her arms around Shane. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.

INT. SHANE Just another assignment.NIGHT hane turns the light on.. Suddenly. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Three squares a day. He pets the Duck.The house is dark. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Gary sits in the next chair. Kids to play S . GARAGE . hane rises. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front.. with. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. the Duck starts quacking. unblinking. Shane sighs morosely. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. your wings aren't clipped. Shane sits in a lawn chair. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. he Duck stares. No reason for personal attachments. Shane turns.

He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him.. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. Lulu hands him a tool. DISSOLVE INT. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. leading below the garage. The break in its surface is a strange. He's been trying. unsuccessfully. No hinges or cracks. TO: to S 84. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. Nothing. crack the lock all night. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. we see a CRANK WHEEL. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. The Kids are watching his progress. The wheel spins. shines it down the grate. . only It's solid and inscrutable. and then it gives.. GARAGE .. He tries muscles rippling.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.. Shane steps down it. he floor opens. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. INT. Shane looks on stunned. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. Shane dials a phone..SHANE What happened. INTERC UT: B harder..CONTINUOUS There's a small room. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate...

Away from Shane.don't do anything `til I get there. MRS. Everyone reacts happily. can't crack it. he answers it.EXT. Silently spying on Shane. Do you have it? SHANE No. I've been trying all night. pleased. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. towards the neighbor's house. W e PUSH INTO the house. After we turn this in to my CO. BILL . Julie sits beside him. SEDAN . TO: INT. and hangs up.. An ominous pause. We'll be there shortly -. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. Then we slowly MOVE UP. She looks stricken.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel.Lulu.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. Except for -. TO: INT. Bill's cell phone rings. relieved... It's in a steel vault. GHOST.. don't do anything further.. CHUN CUT BACK . GARAGE . GARAGE ..CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Okay. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. Through a window. sir. excited. Bill reacts. I think I found GHOST.

.. Lulu? You should be happy. The fish tank is clear. HOUSE .. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.V.O.: The house is spotless. LULU But.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. he has no answer.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. She trails off.. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. Bill is carrying her suitcases. JULIE'S HOUSE . Julie and Bill hop out. so they probably trashed the place.SHANE He goes silent. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). Kids singing a beautiful.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . INT. J JULIE'S P. The rug is vacuumed. KIDS VOICES . in shock. in the next room. should be home soon. I 85. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. SHANE You guys better get ready. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. Shane -. comes into the dark hall. Tongue-tied.they hear.

Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. The Kids rush forward and hug her. 8 JULIE almost faints. S SHANE Captain. with songs they have sung.(singing. then salutes back) Good job. DINING ROOM . ( B 6. KITCHEN . Lieutenant. a capella) .. picture- . featuring Todd.. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. Julie starts bawling. Peter is fresh faced. mom. She sees.. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops... attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Lulu has bows in her hair. Shane sees Bill enter. INT. Dumb-struck. Julie goes to the. She staggers to...CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. for a thousand years. no dishes in the sink. smiling. Zoe is in a conservative dress. BILL (he smiles wryly.. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. ZOE Welcome home. Across the room. INT. Bill steadies her.

BILL I should hope not. Bill stops. Shane. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. anywhere you want. reluctant. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. ILL I'm really proud of you.. Sir. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Suddenly. GARAGE . SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. all I've never known is the military. S S 87. And I think I want to explore that some more. Shane continues. surprised. Bill holds the pronged key.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. pause) But I'll have to think about it.. Don't get me wrong. SHANE That's kind of you.INT.. You just name it. an ANGRY VOICE..

and Mrs.. startled... reaching for Bill's key. Disoriented..Shane and Bill spin. and starts to fall. Things are spinning. relishing a second of glory -. He is losing consciousness.. then passes out. SHANE'S POV woozy.. . They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. Chun. He turns... Shane shoots Bill a glance. he looks up as he drops. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. startled... Mr. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.when suddenly. There were delays. while SLAMMING their heads together. B 88. Mrs. GUNS DRAWN. MRS.. Shane peers in confusion. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms.. confused. He takes a submissive position. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Chun comes closer.SHANE Lights out. hane takes control! He smiles. CLOSE-UP .

scared. FADE IN: INT. Chun) Keep an eye on them. ILL North Korea pays better. Beside the safe is a red switch.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. INT. GARAGE . Chun) secures the room..BLACK. JULIE I trusted you.. with two . reaching. Inside is a dark corridor. INT. They THE VAULT! Spare..with me. Julie glares. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore.. Charles trusted you. So did the Department of Defense. You -. livid. The Korean Man (Mr. He GAGS the kids. Bill checks the knots binding the children. tied up.. The door HUMS. bright and white. and it CLICKS. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. They anxiously tiptoe. Bill and Mrs. NURSERY . Chun Bill GAGS Julie.DAY Shane lies unconscious. then slides OPEN! enter. The floor is covered with square tiles. Peter has a JUICE BOX.. The Kids are furious. 9. closing the window shades. Chun approach the steel door. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. They whimper. 8 Bill grins. Bill and Mrs. exit. (to Mr. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.

Tyler GASPS. Chun is Bokay. off shoulder eyebrows. CHUN But I've got some C4. like a monstrous computer.. completely SINGED OFF. the Chun spins. startled -.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. But behind her back. she unties Zoe! Then -. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. quickly assuming a fake bound position. then leans back against Zoe. had eyebrows. done. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. MRS.S.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls.needing a distraction. MR. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy.the Kids look innocent.. She confidently strides toward the safe -. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time... MRS.. CHUN Just.. horrified -. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. eyeballing them icily.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . BEEPING. He sneers. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. low-pitched HUM. Chun guards the kids. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Bill eyes the safe. as if she hadn't moved.SAME TIME Mr. HOUSE . Mr. INT. she hits her panic button! O. then Mr. Chun whirls -. It's set on ARMED. Lulu frowns. The air is filled with an ominous. Lulu "looks" scared. Mrs. Mr. but the of her jacket is on fire. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me..settings: ARMED and DISARMED. With a rapid blur of finger-work.

. Chun scowls. Chun's head.. Mr. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. snake-like move. Chun laughs: MR. he steps closer. Mr. . he drops to his knees in pain.. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. when he's at her level. Skeptical. BEHIND TODD . The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. HAM without warning. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. then. CHUN That's cute. Chun looks at Lulu. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off.W Z 90. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Lulu runs. Mr.. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Mr. It HURTS. slamming the door behind her. Chun's face. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun's leg. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. They untie Julie.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close.

DONNGGG -. making a small hole. I INT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .. He sticks his face out the hole. Chun's face. She SCREAMS. M E M 91.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. INT. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. but the door won't budge. a HAND suddenly GRABS her... INT.. NURSERY . Bill lurches into view. Chun punches the door.CONTINUOUS Mr. Chun falls back from the door..but as Julie exits. his face COATED in white. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall..doorknob.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Mr. clutching her! The . they're trapped inside.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. He yells out furious! MR. INT. FRONT DOOR .

Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. She floors it. speaking in Korean: RS. HOUSE .. They start to run back. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. Mrs. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. ARGHH! driveway. CHUN Chun falls.CONTINUOUS r. MR... Chun listens to Mr. unsure. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. EXT.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. then nod and run to the side garage.kids are horrified. . INT.I've got the keys. they're not going anywhere.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. HOUSE . almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. MINIVAN . Chun comes racing around the house -.. Chun THE RADIO. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.

as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. holding a military RADIO. gaining on them. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. It's getting old. lying on the concrete. VAN . INT. Then.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. Don't make me kill you too. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. INT. Mrs. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. B .. They step past Shane's body. leading her to the secret door.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. oe runs a yellow. a CRACKLING of static. chilled.Charles didn't tell me about the room. Chun exits the vault. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. Julie GASPS. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. GARAGE .

It's like a chariot race. Bill deciding if he can trust him.Shane is standing in the doorway.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. half on the sidewalk.. CHUN Mr. my husband has question: MR. ILL . He tries to pass them on the right.. ZOE . Do it. SHANE (O. It's B risky. to cut them off! INT.. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. as Zoe drives.. everyone looks down. Then -. ANGLE .) Bill. they might wreck. MRS. emotional.SHANE They look over -. He does something we can't see. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. Chun zooming by. just please don't hurt anyone. Bill. ill eyes him. I'll get you in.93.S.he clicks "talk" on the radio. BILL Change of plan. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires.. EXT. The men stare down. BUSY STREET . Bring them back unharmed. don't hurt the kids. MINIVAN .DAY The vehicles race. Surprised. Bill uncuffs Shane..

TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Hair spray. Chun holds Julie. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. She Mr. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Mr. Mr.What's taking you? 94. . Chun with debris: milk cartons. Peter laughs. crayons. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Shane is figuring his options... WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun ROLLS UP his window. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. It throws Mr. CRASH!! The kids cheer. and loses control. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake.. INT. Chun SCREAMS. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. SECRET VAULT . Mrs. triumphant. Exasperated.. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. In the van. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault... M R. orange peels. Zoe looks over. disoriented... Mr. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Chun off for a beat. Bill waits impatiently.

Lulu. Bill laughs. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. Shane leaps back. Peter. He speaks aloud..he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. landing on his hands and knees. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase.. in pain. Sweat drips down Shane's face. ill cocks his gun. Todd. sending him flying backwards. Tyler! Bill reacts.A bewildered beat -. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. over one beam and ducking under another -.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. confidently: J B B 95 . BILL Code or no code. Shane steps forward . . puzzled. Shane steps forward.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Watch.now. go get it -. Shane gets up. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Shane SQUIRTS it.

Julie relieved. CLOSE-UP . He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor.SHANE Shane's thinks. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). Bill and Julie share a look -.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. not quite centered to the room. He feels the Groove. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off... He thinks. He steps sideway. lower than the floor. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. NOTHING HAPPENS. and do the Peter Panda Dance. When you're down and low. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.they have no idea what he's laughing about. across two tiles. Shane he steps forwards. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times.NOTHING HAPPENS. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. Again -. He takes a deep breath. Something she said. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. And you haven't got a chance. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .. Shane LAUGHS sharply. fearlessly. E 96 . just like the crabs do. then back: smiles. . Shane feels the Groove in the floor.. Calmness comes to Shane's face.

Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. Use the gas.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. Don't follow me! . his focus gone.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. The Squad Car's lights flash on. 9 7. ZOE Come on. from the ceiling. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. BUSY INTERSECTION .SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. 5-0.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. If he'd been standing.it takes a while. Inside is the Cute Cop. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. they're FLYING. EXT. and he catches up with the minivan -. Zoe blows past it. They have my mom. he'd be toast. not the brake. When he steps back -. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. and our bodyguard -.

in a cloud of smoke. is Mr. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. but if I had more resources. The Squad Car is on its tail. at a safe distance. the Minivan SPEEDS by. I accept full responsibility. My intelligence proved to be faulty. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. EXT. nervously. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. INT. SCHOOL . Claire frowns.. Then better jump quick. SUBURBAN STREET .. PLUMMER BASEMENT . pool of liquid. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. Squad Car turns around and chases her. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. It's acid. Suddenly. Following the chase. and speeds back towards her house. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. like there ain't no floor. .CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor.. almost running it off road. concerned. sliding forward. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. She shakes her head.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. EXT. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.. Zoe U-turns.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. 98.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. NECK-BRACE.

He's relieved -. It's a stand-off.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you.and walks across the room. to calm down) Almost done. I knew you'd figure it out. What do you say -.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. The Booby Traps are disarmed. Immediately. Mrs. BILL I'll take that as a "no. He flips the switch to DISARMED. She gestures back: you go.. All that we stand for. BILL Thank you. if you're willing to join up. Beat. disgusted. Bill looks around. Finally. BILL (CONT'D) You know.. and jump to the left. Chun to go first. sir. to the left of the HOLE. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates." He jumps. "Just hold your breath. and jumps back. almost done.he waves his hand over the floor. 99. Bill signals for Mrs. He lands in front of THE SAFE. Shane scowls. Bill takes a breath -. Nothing happens. The whole room goes SILENT. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance." . He nervously steps forward . He holds his breath just in time. Chun follows. Shane. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. pulling Julie along. You were always my best man.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. The safe's red light turns green. Whew. And you betrayed all of that. Bill shrugs.

Relief. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. hitting Bill's arms.. shaking from the voltage. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Reluctantly . then catches himself. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. trying to read Shane's poker face. Bill is incensed. Bill gestures to Mrs. . SHANE There will be no mercy. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. I walked the floor first. Chun reaches out. Shane reaches for the safe. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. She turns it. Nothing happens.. but Shane gazes coldly. and touches the dial. then PUNCHES him in the gut. SIZZLING. legs! He's crazed. I think you better open it. Chun doesn't budge. Bill LUNGES. BILL (CONT'D) . You open it. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Something's not right. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Mrs. head. Chun LEAPS onto his back. Full of himself. Chun.Mrs. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Shane shrugs. Bill is off guard. unrelenting. But suddenly Mrs. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. her hair on end. He starts to reach for the dial... MRS. BILL None requested...Bill turns to the safe.

saved.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. PLUMMER'S STREET . landing on his back in front of the safe. knocking her out. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. spin. ANGLE . unable to gain her balance. he drops and FLIPS her. SIRENS wailing. good night... connecting only occasionally. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. Say.BILL He steps over Shane. Leering mercilessly. It's clear the both have the same training. She smiles. He jumps to his feet. They punch. stumbles backwards across the room. Shane struggles to lose her.O. IN THE VAN. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. then whispers/sings.. OOF! Bill tumbles. tottering. terrible neighbor. K. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. Shane COLD-COCKS her. The Police Cars . Shane shakes his head. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. She catapults.they tangle like pro's. Bill is charging him. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. delivering a series of hard punches. everyone is SCREAMING. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Suddenly.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. ROUNDHOUSE KICK.! EXT. chase after. SHANE You're a. Shane narrows his eyes. SHANE . Shane tumbles. the wind knocked out of him. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. kick. which Shane deflects -. But he's unforgiving.

The Kid spill out and run.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.. They look in silence. The garage door raises. The van SKIDS. with their hands raised. grateful. But it's too late. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.. from the car. Now we can go back to our peaceful. Shane gently removes it.O. smoke BURNING from the tires -. SHANE .. She smiles at Shane.SAME TIME Total commotion. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. It's finally over. Cops surround them. Then -.101. Whoa. HOUSE . GHOST. INT. then BRAKES. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. JULIE Thank you Shane.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT.and hits a tree. Shane steps out. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . then look in the safe: Inside. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop..a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. SECRET VAULT . The kids clamber from the van.

They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.. Shane weighs his not so many options.a CRAZED SCREAM. Nobody is sure what to do. Julie and Shane Freeze. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. Shane spins. He scoffs. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.S. Silence.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . He's disheveled and manic.CUTE COP FREEZE. you're in a lot of trouble. Mr.. The Cops are unsure what to do. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. uh.. vaults onto Chun. I suggest you call the FBI. Zoe. as he turns his head. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Even Chun is amazed. MR. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. officer..a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. ZOE But. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. triumphant. 10 2. Numerous. CHUN (O. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. Now.. and grabs the MR.. Cops cover Shane and Julie.. But then -. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes.. helpless. Chun stands inside the gate.

INT. GARAGE . AGENT Mr. AGENTS swarm the area.rocket launcher. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. CLOSE-UP .. This chaos is unsolvable. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. watching the FBI Agents work.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. Agent. Wolfe. that was nice work.I.I. CLOSE-UP . reaches for his radio. SHANE Just doing my job. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. Shane examines it.B. Julie huddles with the kids.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. PLUMMER HOUSE .THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. F . COP I think I'll call the FBI. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.I. he . Shane talks with an F. then walks off. You're a one-man battalion.B. 103.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.I.. F. swelling with pride.B.B. ANGLE .LATER F.

. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . Todd.. Mock-angry. here. say -. Zoe.. EXT. Tyler. then Julie found the key. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.I want to say: I love you more than anything.. and Julie notice. SHANE Well.. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.. He looks at Claire. A tear comes to her eye. SHANE ..CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. fallen onto the floor.. re-conning the situation. I don't know. Peter. I always have. 104. Her siblings. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. a letter. from the safe. Lulu -. You tell me. I'm on dry land..Maui? . Summer's almost here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. He looks around: at the family. And to tell the truth. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. Julie. Shane looks at her. Does it itch? Yes.Yes. You're the superior office. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this.. The Plummers hug each other. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. On. I'm kinda. and gather around. She sees. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission.

ZOE But. come here you. Shane. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . TIGHT . For everything.. interrupting.. Thank you. SHANE Claire beams.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH.. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about.Sir yes sir. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. A long beat. to shake his. baffled. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.he can't keep it in.he hugs the whole family at once. P ETER Love you. sad. She puts out her hand. Guess you have to go now. Zoe gives them a look -. 105.his medal. He puts them down. Julie looks up. SHANE Ah. The Plummers all approach. He wipes his face. I'm gonna . Like he did. He squeezes her hand around it.SHANE This is too much. Your work here is through. Shane bawls -. squeezing them off the ground. LULU This is it. Lulu turns to Shane. He starts to head off. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -..

hit your marks. BACKSTAGE . A STANDING OVATION. beaming with pride. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him." Hearts swell. They all watch. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Farewell.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. You Are Sixteen begins. he leaps into the SPIN KICK." In the audience. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. Shane watches with bated breath. In SLOW MOTION. It's fantastic -. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. rapt. the little Brownie Troop.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. his hair combed. Shane stands. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. until he sits back down. Todd spins. Scott: in a suit. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. VICTORIA THEATRE. Claire: dressed to the nines. The performers take their curtain . even Murney. Julie watches in astonishment. She is surrounded by her children.a Michael Jordan dunk.

Shane smiles.calls.-The. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.com/scripts/Pacifier.and the house goes crazy.html on December 9 2010 . Mission accomplished.imsdb. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. THE END http://www. touched. He humbly steps into view -. FADE OUT. Thundering applause.

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