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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
But you have to do exactly what I say.no highway option.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. PLUMMER How did you know where I. He's gone. over his head. I'm gonna get you outta here. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. When it finally opens. United States Navy.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. He cuts the Professor's GAG. but can't get free. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. As the water rises. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. EXT. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. He tries force the door open.SIMULTANEOUS 4. ON THE DECK . when I say it. INT.. SHIP'S HOLD . they're almost out of ammo. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles.. to the roof. . Up to his nose... hauling the Professor up.. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. Plummer screams. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. One of our SEALS calls out to them. terrified.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. My way -. Shane removes his mouth piece. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. him his oxygen.
INT.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. EXT. pulling the Professor in behind him. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. Shane takes a deep breath. then disappear gracefully back into the water. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. more!" They do. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. 5.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. HELICOPTER .The Seal calls out: "shoot more.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. Hold on. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. OCEAN'S SURFACE . It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him.. SHANE INT. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. clearly he loves this kind of day. and pulls himself. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. SHIP'S HOLD .. holding the Professor. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. INT. HELICOPTER . He . terrified.
The Professor takes out his mouth piece. CHARLES Lieutenant. CHARLES I'm safe.. Charles stops Shane.. how'd we. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. We have to keep moving. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No.. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Not imperative to the mission. PLUMMER Oh my God.beside him. waits. I can't believe you. She thinks I'm dead. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. rotors whirling slowly. Lieutenant. EXT. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. That was the most incredible. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. .A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. shutting him up. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. I'm just not big on chit chat. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point.. Please. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today.. thank you.. the Professor looks terrified. MOUNTAIN CLEARING .
puzzled.. SHANE We're almost ready. I have a picture of my kids in here. All goes . SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. DEAD. PAVE HAWK . The briefcase pops open.. Shane drops. WHAM. and talks. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. Tyler. It's voice activated.. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -.. INT. Peter. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. PILOT sits.. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. that's my specialty. I do security. Charles dials. Designed it myself. Charles dials his cell phone. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. you want to see it? Negative.. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. knocked unconscious.Charles picks up his briefcase. then hands him his satellite phone. Shane considers.. RUN!!! black. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. Todd... Lulu.. Shane looks at him.couldn't crack it. I'm alive. back to him.
PAVE HAWK . You're the best man I ever trained.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. Everything is ablaze. Captain. EXT.V. He takes a long look at Shane. and takes Charles' Briefcase. A Huey Helicopter lands. as the chopper ignites. unconscious. He looks around. His arm and face bandaged. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. in slow-motion. despondent. SHANE . Bill sits down beside the bed. but he does it anyway. sir. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . He sees Charles. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. HOSPITAL . unassuming. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. I know sir. SHANE'S P.it hurts to salute. And a good friend. There is huge explosion.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. Shane reaches out.O..DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. barely conscious.friendly. He holds a REPORT in his hand. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -.7. HOSPITAL . Wolf lies facedown in the stream.: Everything is a blur. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -.
. he pulls off bandages. Thank you. I. and starts to rise.S. disappointed. is still out there.S.SHANE He had to call his family. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. 8. Shane sits up.a genius..H. Bill shakes his head. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. really.O.T. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. I'm gonna need the mini sub.O. SHANE Sir. It's not that kind of mission. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. SHANE The case was empty sir. Invigorated. and sits opposite Shane.. Then.H. disconnects an IV. appreciate your confidence.. G.T.. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. . He pulls up a chair. as I stated in my report. Bill considers this. He can't believe his good fortune. He called it G. BILL Not a surprise. BILL .
.. Shane is surprised. I'm alive. Whoever killed the professor must think G.. He's a good man. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.) Honey. I'll call you in an hour. BILL The professor's wife requested you. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.S. She told me someone had broken into her home. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. BILL . I love you. I should go. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. The family's scared. SHANE'S APARTMENT . top to bottom. Not even when I was a kid sir. anyway. maybe it isn't. Widow.. is in that house. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. I got a call from the professor's wife. presses play. I've never been very good with kids.H.. call Lt. sir.S. I need someone to stay at that house. Maybe it is. It's just that. sir. Either way. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -.. CHARLES (O..NIGHT .Shane listens. Shane Wolfe.. intrigued. CUT TO: INT.. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.if anything happens to me.O.T. Searched the place. (MORE) 9.. Shane is shocked. and protect them. hearing the dead man's voice.
: Julie's unkempt suburban house. 8.Shane packs his duffel bag. . WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. machete. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. night vision goggles. Hm. SUBURBAN STREET . It SQUEAKS.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. and pulls out a small. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). Shane heads to the door. also identical to the one he wears. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. we're not interested. Lulu eyes Shane. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. if you're with the Hare Krishnas.. ready for anything. He reaches in. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside.. Shane eyes Lulu. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. Shane's P. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.O. The sprinklers go off.. He looks at for a moment.then the door swings open.. He rejects it. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. peering up at him. 10. EMALE VOICE (o.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. identical to the one he wears.s. Shane looks like a bad ass. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. with toys all over the lawn. EXT. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. camouflage vest. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. Shane double-checks the address.V. Shane looks down -. they all go in. Shane frowns.and sees LULU.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
INT. Julie casually answers it.) There's a catch. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER .. listening to the conversation.MORNING stand hug Julie. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. We slowly pull out. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. I have some potentially good news..s.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Helga will .Nighttime -. Through the window. Swiss law says only his family can access it.s. I think it could contain GHOST. 14. BILL (o. JULIE That's wonderful.the family eats dinner. through the kitchen window. it's Bill Fawcett.) Julie.. with her suitcase. LIVING ROOM . Shane. INT..NIGHT Shane. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. entersJULIE I'll be there. The phone RINGS inside. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. Julie and Shane share a look. This could all be over! BILL (o. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.s.
.. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. do it. They'll be safe with me. And guys.. ZOE Mom -... chill. Helga will take care of everything else. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.. I am a mom. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me.. it's just. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. I love you guys. Mrs. .. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. H S . are you licensed to kill? . And on the back door. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. No. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. HELGA Everything will be fine. I'm gonna miss you.handle everything. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway.. SHANE Don't worry. I'll be back in 48 hours. Plummer. it's my job to worry.we'll be fine. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. And on the phone..
Shane turns off the light. INT. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . Shane heads down the hall.. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.NIGHT hane rushes in -... elga stomps out. INT.. Shane shakes his head.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. when in the corner of his eye -. looks around for the CRYING BABY.. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. You do something.WHRRP! Shane ducks.. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN.. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM.. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. can't find him.NIGHT Shane.5. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. pouring in Cheerios. SHANE (CONT'D) . He shuts off the - . I make bottle. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. Immediately. Gary suddenly FLIES by . on a short ladder.s.
In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.. I'll call you. tool.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.. ZOE Okay. EXT. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS..window alarm and sneaks out silently.BACK YARD . Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. fine. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. ZOE He's my boyfriend. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. Shane runs. He's dazed. jumps onto the trampoline.. SHANE Not with this kid. calling out from across the street.. PLUMMER HOUSE . but alright. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. Zoe! ..go back inside. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. S COTT . spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. come on Scott. Shane LIFTING him in the air. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. house like a marionette. runs off. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Zoe -. 16. . They both tumble to the ground.
SHANE MRS. The Alarm's still blaring. THE CHUNS. pop their heads out. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. we own a bakery.. Shane addresses them.. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Sorry. Kojak. Look. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Try to keep that zoo reigned in. no accent) We speak English. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. SHANE My apologies.. Shane's about to head inside. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. MR. fuming. and we found this in our pool filter. Oh. CHUN ..Zoe storms inside. MR. We had an intruder. so we're up kind of early. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut.NIGHT .. PLUMMER HOUSE . The alarm stops. Shane stands there. A simple misunderstanding. CHUN (perfect English. huh baby-sitter? Mr. Oh. I INT. CHUN Thanks a bunch. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket..
Shane marches back down the hall. SHANE Not anymore.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. You should have told her the truth. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. Bite me! Shane frowns. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. Zoe falls backwards into the room. S W 1 8. Shane flips her foot in the air. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. continues down the hall.) sing). angry rock music blares from Todd's room.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH.s. . lower than the floor. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. She has to hop on one foot. Shane shuts her door. ZOE Who do you think you are -. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Loud. to not fall over. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o.
and do the Peter Panda Dance.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. in bed -. .laugh and laugh. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. warm orange light. to their beds. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. INT. Three steps forward. Peter in his bed. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals.groove. EXT. She does. Then jumps up. Shane shakes his head. just like the crabs do. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. HOUSE . a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. one step back. PLUMMER HOUSE . T Z Z T 19. then "crab-walks" sideways. In the bedrooms. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. The Children. he wriggles on the floor.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood.
The Whistle GETS LOUDER. 20 . Todd blinks groggily. not understanding what's happening. TODD'S ROOM . L Move.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Suddenly his door flies open -.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.m. oe is wrapped in blankets. half-asleep and angry. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. INT. Covering their ears. HALLWAY . Not in front of the kids..MORNING Todd sits up. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. disoriented.. Helga runs through in hair curlers. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. carrying the crying baby. like she's been electrocuted. motionless. ODD It's Sunday. S . Move.odd is out cold. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. You're insane.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT.
Your behavior is unacceptable. HELGA (She curses Again.. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. in Romanian.. INT. sucking on a bottle. KITCHEN . shocked. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind.do you.LATER The children are assembled. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up.he gives him a look of disbelief. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.) Shane's jaw drops. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. No highway option. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order..do you.. lined up tallest to shortest. . L 21. ladies.
INT. where's the older male? There were five. The panic button is only for emergencies. Everyone stares blankly -. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Everyone cracks up. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Red 2.(pointing) Red 1. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. He tries the knob. ZOE I am not wearing that. S ULU (CONT'D) . ZOE He's in his room. he's furious. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . but it's locked.. Touch that -. End of chain... Angry. Now that I know I can't trust you. Shane bounds up the stairs.Shane starts to speak then thinks better.. P eter farted. Red baby. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. So you are -. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Never take them off.you better be dying. Shane bangs hard on it.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. SHANE Tracking devices.and you do it. I tell you what to do -. or you're dead. wait. Red Leader. He yells at her. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium.a tense silence. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. Shane tries to maintain decorum.
INT. and head down the hall.a FLUSH. to her room.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. She stops at Todd's door -. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. the destroyed door and wall. He has to go. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it.MORNING ..they glare at Shane. Shane steps aside.22. If you'd been wearing it. Zoe comes up the stairs. hits Shane on the head. then CRASHES inward. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. He sees Shane. and Todd comes sauntering back. INT. A piece of the ceiling falls. HALLWAY ...LATER ZOE . I can fix this.. this wouldn't have happened. Todd nods in agreement. The entire frame collapses. patrolling. Oops. Down the hall -. INT.
LULU This house is haunted. L S 23. INT.the rumble of a car approaching. he hears something suspicious -. He pretends to be a ghost. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. Shane turns. to see that Peter is chasing her. Daddy even said so. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. PAPERBOY (O. His head shifts.S. clicks his alarm remote opens it. And then it hits Shane. just as -. He said there's a ghost.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Lulu SHANE Hey. wearing a towel as a sheet.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. I don't know. hey.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything.WHACK -. He rushes for the front door. HALLWAY . Lulu hides behind Shane. Peter! screams. Peter Booos again. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. hard. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs.LATER . Really? His eyes light up. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.
Searching. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. F . feeling. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. MR.. He goes back to the living room. Then -. I INT. inally. listening for hollow spaces.Shane walks slowly down the hall. ZOE Here he comes. When he hears an alert from his laptop. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. all the way down. then turns his attention to his laptop.a creak..! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch...SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs... Shane scans it. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. Nothing. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. carrying a huge laundry basket. pushing.ZOE AND TODD . appears. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Zoe whispers. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. He RAPS again. T IGHT . STAIRWAY . They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. as laundry flutters down from above. scanning the ceiling. She screams. BANGING her head and ass on each step.
DAY Bill and Julie. INT. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. If we can't get some faster service. this is an urgent matter.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. then licks his finger to turn the page. Bill can't stand it anymore. mouthing along in FRENCH. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. I can't.DAY Establishing. They wait patiently -. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER.They gulp. He feebly gets up. . 25. EXT. Not in Switzerland. ZOE Uh-oh. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. looking jet-lagged. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He seems to be about 100 years old. but can't get the page to turn. BANKER Marcel! out. we're going to have to file a complaint. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. SWISS BANK . He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. The Banker looks at him blankly. Then looks back to the paperwork. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. terrified. It's taking him a LONG time. He licks his finger again. SWISS BANK . He jumps to his feet.
But I can tell you -.Another Banker. The duck flies around. Suddenly. remain calm -- 26. As soon as your background checks clear. QUACKING. grabbing her foot. MARCEL. The suitcase handle breaks off. heads to the door -. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. Shane picks up the receiver. SHANE (CONT'D) . Peter's in the aquarium. HELGA I am calm. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. How long is that? INT.you will have access to the box tout-suite. JULIE Thank you. RING! Amid the chaos.SAME TIME Helga. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. PLUMMER HOUSE . He DRAGS her back. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. I QUIT. Oui. suitcases in hand. As she tries to wrestle it away. the chief does not speak English. Shane dives. Shane moves for the phone. enters. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door.Shane tries to block her path. and Helga dashes for the door. He grabs her suitcase. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.
EXT. Mrs. Helga struggles to get him off.. Shane lets go. Mrs. that landed on a diaper. Helga scampers out the door. Shane body-checks it closed. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care.everything's fine. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. HOUSE . Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. and Shane falls back. Shane hangs up the phone. Just doing my. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door...CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. He picks up his hand. Plummer. CRUNCH.Ah. against the counter.. Duty. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. 27.Helga falls forwards. (covering the phone. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause.
ANGLE . Helga glares back.. ANGLE . INT. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry.he slowly glances up.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. listen up. dumbfounded.Helga jumps in the cab. she'll come back. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. HOUSE . Then -. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. He drops his head.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief.SHANE Rises. baby cries. to find the kids are all gloomy.. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. in the rear window. SHANE Okay.. takes a deep breath and strides inside. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day.. if she loves you. defeated. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. we're just gonna have some more big fun. The 28. In the meantime. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. . There's been a change of plans.
SShane GROANS. your enthusiasm. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. Using the tools as chopsticks. SHANE Whoa. Nobody will help. holding his nose. I'm Navy. HEY! Even Peter runs. nice moment. Until -. All for one.it flops open..SHANE He gulps. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. Pure self-preservation. BATHROOM .ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. takes a deep breath. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. inundated. everyone bolts from the room.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face.. CLOSE-UP . He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. Only then can we rise to the challenge. And then -. 29. INT. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. repelled. .MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body.
Shane tries approaching -. INT. Lulu is in her pj's. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative.. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Lulu follows at his heels.) Thank you. Aghast. SHANE (unsure how to respond. he looks down to see Lulu. Lulu doesn't go away. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. over and over and over. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. . she just stares at him. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. 30. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.he can't do it.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. She follows. LULU Hi.. I think you're cute. HALLWAY . LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it.SHANE The things I do for my country. then FLUSHES. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. he looks around for a solution. like a puppy.
LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. INT. like he's an idiot. Todd. 31. and patrols. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. proud of his accomplishment. Shane smiles. Lulu looks at him. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them.it's time for you take a nappypoo. in beddibye land. . Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. All the lights are out. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. pulling down the shades on every window. The Kids stare at "breakfast. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. and shuts off her light. I can get lots more of those. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. The kids sit down at their designated spots.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. little girl. And I've survived off this stuff for months.BREAKFAST . KITCHEN . all the kids asleep. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG." dubious. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry.Shane walks room to room.
one for all. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. I can cross my eyes... Shane answers. ladies. Your mama -. crying. if I say out. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey.. Peter starts bawling. So -. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. (then:) Yes... If I say in.. He runs away. you go out... LULU .who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs... Shane sighs. Shane turns to Lulu. Wanna see? Negative. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. then at Tyler -. you stay in. too. And the phone rings. trying to hear over the screaming.here's how it's gonna be.is not here to take care of you now. ZOE He's only two.. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. . We're gonna pull together. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Peter stands in his chair. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. The table cloth is yanked to the floor.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. dancing.. all for one.
sir. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. GARAGE .MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.M. INT. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. EXT. Shane fumbles with it for a while. He hangs up. GARAGE . Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. Thank you. you and Todd are expelled. legal guardian. Across his chest. and at that .p. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. into a TINY parking spot -. perfect parallel park. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. LULU We're gonna be late. A big suburban school.. SHANE Not on my watch.h. I know it's Monday. Zoe smiles at him. The Minivan skids completely sideways. backwards at sixty m. EXT. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.. It hits ZERO. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom.. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. INT.a death defying." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. yes. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . He wants to see you in his office. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens.. Oh. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. He said if you're late again.9:29 A. With your . innocently.. It just doesn't add up. dramatically unveiling Shane....
Murney is unimpressed..moment. Duane. Lieutenant. The Kids are seated around him. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes.. Shane. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. He glares at Shane. a few days. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. they needed a parole officer. conduct and truancy. whatever work you can get.P in charge of discipline. You're in my house now. as he plays on the floor. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . The Kids crack up. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). He's HUGE and mean. She's attractive. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Well. mortified. They're the worst students in my school. Plummer finally listened. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. I'm Murphy. Out of twenty-three. assured. He withers. holding Peter on a harness. Murney is furious. boy. . too. V. son? SHANE Wolfe. Looks like Mrs. K thru 12. Top to bottom. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. I coach wrestling. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. tough. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month.
(then. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. He exits. 34.. Claire sees this -. You see. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Lieutenant. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. I think I can handle this from here. that as vice principal. Get moving.Good morning kids. I am in charge of. Good. The teens hustle off to their classes. Principal Claire eyeballs him. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads.. Mrs.two little red DOTS move away. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. fuming. BELL rings. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. SHANE Red 1.. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it.and suddenly reacts. impressed. staring him up and down. Plummer called my captain. Shane checks his TRACKER -.. She told me all about you. Plummer. The opens the door for Murney. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . as he casually holds the three kids. Red 2. What are you doing in my office.
She lifts her pants leg. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE . On the spot. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. So.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. The 35. and the way I run my school. Courage. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado..(Shane nods.MID-MORNING seeShane. SHANE Can't be too careful.. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON.. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. to balance Shane. dead serious. That's the way I live my life. Welcome aboard. Service paid for my college.. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. Claire looks nervously around. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. SHANE . Just try not to frighten the children..) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. SHANE "Honor. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle.
V. in Shane puts down his binoculars. like a tether ball... sitting in the back row of a class. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. Todd. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Beside Shane.. Zoe. Official Business. with stern intensity.V. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. Save us both a world of pain. Lulu sees Shane and waves. SHANE Give up now. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.Clean as a whistle.last time: Open the hanger. INT. yanks his hood over his head. delighted. Now -. CAFETERIA .O. does the same.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. Shane closes the computer. picks up a pair of binoculars. Black Hawk coming in. Todd.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. He checks his tracking device. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. He turns to the person front of him. two. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. 36 . turns her back to him embarrassed. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. BINOCULARS P. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. one. .O. in line to get lunch. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness.
When you agreed to serve your country.Tyler gurgles. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that.I out rank you. . Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Shane sighs. you don't. with milk. A whole day. you know. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. man.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids.... (she looks at his chair) Well. Mr. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face.. Can I call you Shane? .but you're pretty good at this. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. (she toasts. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. Principal Claire smiles. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. SHANE Hey -.) Shane. Sure. Claire smiles. huh? Shane gives her a look. Seriously. not so dry where you're sitting. lieutenant. He yanks Tyler away from him. Tyler laughs. ignoring him. I guess. I'm impressed. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble.. 37. Oh. You're on dry land.
Zoe. Personally . VP Murney is watching. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. cheering.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. next week's tournament is off. INT. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students.. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Murney smirks. and "punches fists" with him. but not stopping it. impressed. in the crowd. and the sound of Students in an uproar. LUNCH-LINE .. (Todd) 38. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. unusual. Look at him. the crowd freezes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. As soon as they see the Principal. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd.. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. MURNEY You heard the lady. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.That's. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. I don't care who starts it. MURNEY He did. MURNEY The kid's mixed up.
Don't even think it. He'd kill you so fast.. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Frogman -. . Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. SHANE . I'm on duty. flinch. the crowd breaks up.. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. sir. MURNEY Oh. Todd shakes him off and heads to class.. promise I'll go easy on you. 39 . we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Nice moves.Todd lands on his feet. man. Murney approaches Shane.I'm a black belt myself. Sorry. sticking the landing. That's right.I think that's a little harsh..total control.. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Maybe you could stop by practice. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. yeah. (low. Todd lunges at him. SHANE . Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . what do you say? Come on. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. Murney. Boys'll be boys. The Bell rings. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. stopping an inch from Shane's head. Maybe some other time then.. MURNEY Pretty slick.
an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. following his tracking device. 40. Then Shane smells what she means -.. Lt. Shane recoils in disgust. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. minus taxes.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. Panicked.. The Principal strolls up. Peter is asleep in his shoulder.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Roger that. Have fun. as he keeps watch.. It leads him to a door. SHANE Oh -. doing a shoulder roll. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Emergency! SHANE INT. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. holding Tyler out like a grenade. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. SCHOOL HALLWAY . He bursts though it. and not cry. another dollar twenty. Uh.. Tyler is crying.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal.change him. INT. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . for one who'll eat. Just then..CONTINUOUS .Tyler's diaper is full. Bathroom's down the hall. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3.INT. But. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. Not my job.
He speeds away after them. EXT. through the fence. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. racing down the road ahead of Shane. almost tipping the minivan. Thanks.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. I INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE . The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. HALLWAY . SHANE EXT. At that moment. They make a sharp right. Shane makes a right. Shane lands in fight stance -. EXT.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. BUSY INTERSECTION .Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. Lulu is in front of the class. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. but the FINAL BELL rings. He blasts through a red light. He hands her to the Principal. He leaps out of the minivan. Shane is furious.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side.the Class applauds. are heading away from the school fast. 41.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. EXT. with the Panic Button in her hand.
A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. It's horrific.then gasps -.section.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. He winces. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.the DOTS are CLOSE. all brandishing tools. He catches his breath. . The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. feet away. He takes a deep breath and dives under.LIVING ROOM .It's dark and dank. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. they hear the front door open. you're about to get a beat down. Shane easily takes them out.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. SQUISHY footsteps. Shane trudges through the river of muck. then checks his tracker. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. then checks the tracker -. From outside.SHANE He's alone. No sweat.then RUN. and charges through. Shane pries off the manhole cover. and the sound of OMINOUS. Shane lowers himself down. IN THE MANHOLE . ANGLE . The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. Three Workers rush him. INT. SEWER .
She practically GAGS as she passes him. then covers their noses. The Cop leaves. . thank you. BATHROOM . Call.. The Cop turns to Shane. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.Then the door swings open. 43 INT.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. BACK YARD . INT.. The smell is BAD. revealing Shane. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. he doesn't say anything. INT. The Cop looks at them. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. If you need anymore help. Zoe checks him out as he goes.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. Ditto.LATER Shane is in the shower. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. Zoe fixes her hair.b. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing.p. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. Covering her nose. Todd stiffens. KITCHEN . weird hair. with a smirk. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. looking like a Swamp Creature.. use our nonemergency number.. . CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. 16 year old female. Everyone gasps..
cringing in disgust. You gotta help me out. Monday. If we don't sell enough cookies.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. Shane. They already think I'm a loser. They won't be home `til ten. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. (whispers:) Come on. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room.all junk food. LULU We have to. 4 . SHANE (O. and if we can't go to the Jamboree.) Get rid of them. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. we can't go the Jamboree. it's Monday. in just a towel. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies.a dozen little girls in uniforms. INT. And it's not like I have any other friends. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. close to tears. 4. He sees on the fridge. He looks at it.S. Lulu starts to sniffle.Shane enters. and whistle. Mom's our den mother.. pulling Lulu after him.. The Brownies applaud. they're staring at him. FAMILY ROOM . cause mom never lets me out of her sight. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . LULU I can't. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission.
I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. He's not just locking them -. ZOE'S BEDROOM . ZOE .Lulu's about to burst into tears.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. KITCHEN . SHANE Alright. at attention.MOMENTS LATER Shane.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.. BROWNIE Den Mother? . he's a total psycho. the other to his back.. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. then drills it into place. do as I say. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. ladies. unpacking boxes of cookies.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. INT. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. getting ready to go. Zoe's on the phone. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. LIVING ROOM .wait here. yeah. Shane blows passed her.. I'm scared of you. Now -. Indian Style. Here's how it's gonna be. They are assembled. ... Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. Tonight. back in "uniform. I'm gonna be your den -commander. SHANE Good. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -.. INT. INT. Shane sighs.
. EXT.. GROCERY STORE . he's got us on lock-down. the camera CRANES up to.nothing even looks like food. Zoe picks up the phone. He smiles.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. NOTHING looks familiar -. No... but if anything happens. hits speed-dial. I dunno if that's a good idea. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside..5. GROCERY STORE . GROCERY STORE . DRIVEWAY .MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. but they're . it's like Oz or something. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.... ZOE ..PARKING LOT . Snack packs.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. He sees: a huge. He looks around at the bright. 4 EXT.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. I can see you through the window. SHANE I gotta get supplies. GROCERY STORE . (she listens:) Hm. nuts?" EXT. as he pushes a cart into the store."what are you. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. Scott. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals.. EXT. Tyler looks at him -. INT.
I haven't seen anybody. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. menacingly. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT ..but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. before I get my face punching badge on you.she tugs and tugs. but can't get away. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. we see who she means: A group of bad ass... and lets her go. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. The Cub Scouts high-five..MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. EXT. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF.. GROCERY STORE . of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. One The Brownies take off running. .. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. clutching their boxes. they're back. He laughs. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. Finally. One of the Brownies spots something. He rips it open. you Skeever? . The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. chubby CUB SCOUTS.noticing very shy.
trembling. The Brownies scream. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . CHEESE . you're supposed to take us to dinner. The Brownies are huddled behind it. PARKING LOT . He bends down.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Where? SHANE INT. Around his neck. If I don't come back -avenge my death.22's. He wears . we're going home. I'm here to protect you. Cheese MANAGER. and points at Lulu's Panic button. CHUCK E. EXT. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet.A LITTLE LATER .2ND SCOUT Nope. 47. Not cookies. Get in the car. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Shane's monitor starts beeping. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. He firmly tells Lulu. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. He heads toward the Scouts.
SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. The Manager approaches Shane. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. Cheese! Wider reveals. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. Lulu approaches.. A LITTLE LATER: 48. This much The Manager laughs. this much cyanide...CHAOS. Cheese automaton band JAMS. the Chuck E. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. On stage.. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. .. which causes him to lisp. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL.braces and head-gear. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. playing video games and ball. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E.. skee Brownies are running around. Shane's watching Peter.
Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. spins her. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair.she pins him to the ground. I thought you liked combat. SHANE That's not fair. LULU The Hulk can. My joystick's broken. Lulu screams out with her fighter. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Unless you're scared. He's really mad. Nobody can jump thirty feet. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . kneels on his head.. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. then cracks her in half over his knee.LULU I pressed two player. then kicks him in the face. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Then he a joy stick.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. . The second round starts. Shane even get one punch in -. Round three starts. and then a kick in the face. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks.. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. They begin. He checks over his shoulder -. Shane is taking it really seriously. Lulu picks a small female character. He steps up to the machine. He cracks his knuckles. stretches.
ZOE . Sparks fly. swing and a miss. but he can't hit her..take a shot. jumping.. the Zhouse is quiet. INT..CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. She keeps dancing. PLUMMER HOUSE . HOTEL ROOM .SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. Shane's really fuming.. INTERCUT WITH: INT..LIVING ROOM .. 50. He and the Brownies sneak away.. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. ZOE Mom -. It's really annoying. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE... while he pounds the buttons. it's my job to worry.. its joystick dangling by its wires. oops too slow.. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING..CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. leaving the sizzling machine. slamming buttons.stop worrying. swinging and missing. Shane's working the joy stick hard. LULU Too slow. LULU You're not even trying. He is KO'd.. dancing. Lulu's having fun now.. come on -.
then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.The Plummer House: . INT.Seriously. VARIOUS SHOTS . Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . She turns to Scott. ZOE I know.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. The guy's just a control freak. Don't worry. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. ZOE Dude. up. Tonight I'm just doing homework -.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. Zoe rolls her eyes.in my cell. JULIE It's only a few more days. ZOE Dude. I hate leaving you. EXT. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. everything's cool.LIVING ROOM . then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. not cool. MALL PARKING LOT . we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. 51. .. who doesn't seem concerned at all. this is outta hand. And the folks who read my BLOG. kids everywhere. PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). I love you. we're okay. counting them.. but you know I have to do this. loads Brownies into the minivan.
a look of horror comes across Shane's face. gasping. SUBURBAN ROAD . The Manager is watching him. freestyling in the ball pool -. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. MANAGER Relax. We see what he forgot: PETER. He charges across the room with the diaper. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. again..DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. to leave a man behind like that.not okay.Move. Suddenly..they almost always do. move! Go go! EXT. He disappears under the balls -. He's still down there.. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. INT.LATER . still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. move. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. He's holding the diaper. Not okay. SHANE . LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.. He holds his breath. S 52.for a long time. Whoa.. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. Silence. the Brownies follow.. Shane grimaces. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. CHUCK E. out away from him. and goes down for the diaper. CHEESE . is fine. SHANE Inexcusable.
PLUMMER HOUSE . POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.. INT. scared. Now. peeing in the bushes. then RUN. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. Reeling.. chugging drinks.then CRUSHES the ball. making out. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. EXT.. trying to understand.. Outraged. Peter and Tyler up the path. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. jocks throwing footballs.KITCHEN . Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. PLUMMER HOUSE . gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. He gets out -. as he pulls up in the Minivan. 53. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Scott. we're gonna do this . He protectively guides them past the craziness -.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. vents. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. Party's over.. windows. Shane takes Lulu. CLUB lock off the door.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by.J. at a full run.and groans in disbelief.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.. a total wreck.'s turntables. Shane snatches it mid-air -.. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.
and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. Miserable TEENS scrub. Shane's eyes narrow... ladies. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.. as kids clean.my way -. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. labeled with a Sharpie. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. They see Shane find the CD. mopping. residue. straightening -. PLOP.. Clean.no highway option.CONTINUOUS . Scott gulps . and rubs his finger UNDER IT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . he takes it off. and walk out of sight.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. INT. in Playtex gloves. In a bathroom. furiously clean. He holds it up to a KID. He lifts the sofa. PLUMMER HOUSE . He hands Scott the mop. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Scott and Zoe. INT. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. through binoculars. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. Oh my god. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. trying to maintain his dignity.then he notices something. Shane goes over them.. He fumes.. It reads: GHOST. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. CUT EXT.
Zoe blows past him -. Zpounding on doors. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. He heads upstairs. CUT TO: EXT. outside the bathroom door. ZOE I do too respect myself. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. she pukes again. Scott's the last one to leave.. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE You got barf on your tank top. After a beat.into the bathroom. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. downstairs! He walks down the hall.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. You're like a robot. They show no respect for you or your house. helpless. you hate us. Shane stands. sits down. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. shaky and furious. PLUMMER HOUSE .. Shane . (Announces:) Company. ZOE . ueasy.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Rambo. furniture polished.. Thanks a lot. Zoe gets up.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. and screams in Shane's face. Lulu's crying. Todd picks her up. My friends will never come here again.. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. where she throws up. Shane hands her a handkerchief. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. INT. Because you have no respect for yourself. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens.
Red 1. I'm gone. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect.hand it over! staffs. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. SHANE Puberty.. Go to your rooms. TWO NINJAS.. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Not even from the enemy. Suddenly -. pounding him with their .. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. Suddenly.the three fight. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. tired) It's Scott. talking doesn't do any good. He goes down.they're good.. They leap down after him.55. I'm not the man for this job. as soon as your mom comes back.. fiercely -.the power goes out. Don't worry. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. all in black BURST in through the window. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. SHANE You're right. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. NINJA GHOST -. close-quarters and fast.. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. The Ninjas attack. Shane spins in fight-stance. Wielding with great skill.
toys fly. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS.. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. . NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. fiercely.knocking him into.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.then the Ninjas charge. They step back. a squeezes . He pulls the string.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.. he hits a Ninja in the head. avoiding Legos. 56 INT. and grabs it. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. Shane crashes down. SHANE Okay -. PLAYROOM ... Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat... The Ninjas move towards him -. blinding him. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. Shane runs to the changing table. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. and uses them both to fend off blows. facing them. several FURBIES hit the floor. With his foot. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. Shane fends the Ninjas off. WHACK. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. and flings them all over the floor. it makes a silly thunk. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.
. HALLWAY . terrified. The cloud dissipates. Then. quietly knocks. SHANE Shhh. Shane approaches Zoe's door. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. He runs to the broken window.SHANE 57. Shane isn't sure what to do. blinded. fearful. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. .. He really hugs them... LULU Please don't leave us Shane. he hugs Peter and Lulu. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. that your father invented. Shane bangs the window sill. and Shane sees he's now alone. Kids.. ANGLE . disappointed to have lost them. INT. bawling. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. Todd and Zoe enter..SECONDS LATER Composing himself. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane... The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. He sprays it in Shane's face. TODD Who were they? What did they want. SHANE It's safe. He A long pause -.. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. You can open up.? SHANE They're looking for a program.. He hugs them. He squints.then the door creaks open. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. It's okay.
He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. Then.they all jump. Shane offers his hand to shake.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. and do what I say. 58. They shake -. "Unchained Melody. They want this.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. as long as I'm here. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. startled.. From now on.. LIVING ROOM . Shane is furious -. And I'm not going anywhere. I'll listen to you too.a long pause. it's been a long night. all smiles. you listen to me.then they hug him. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. They hug him tighter. But nothing's gonna happen to you." And then. The kids shudder. CLOSE-UP .. He looks Zoe. Then. Soon. the other kids join in. Zoe answers it. too.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. eye to eye. absolutely nothing pottery . she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. relieved.. Deal? Truce -. INT. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. SHANE They're not after you. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. Zoe laughs: she can't help it..
and Shane emerges with the five kids. metal two pronged KEY. She holds up the strange.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. EXT. SHANE No . We found something in the box.. The minivan pulls up.it's okay. INTERCUT: INT. Shane takes the phone. yes and no. They were looking for GHOST. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. You have any luck? JULIE Well.we'll be just fine. two men tried to get into the house tonight. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. SHANE (very genuine) . Nope. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. They're gone... But we're not sure what it is. Plummer...So soon? We were just starting to have fun. students run in to school. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. SCHOOL .happened you should worry about. but they didn't find it. .MORNING Early morning. SHANE Mrs.. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. We just don't know what its for. It looks like some kind of "key". everyone's fine. HOTEL ROOM . Don't worry -.
Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. a crazed TEACHER next to her. Zoe sits in a folding chair.. An obstacle course with cones.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters.. . Shane stands off to the side.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. car -. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . SCREAMING. They look concerned. ANGLE on Lulu. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT." Then. "yeah. THE GYM .INT. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. SHANE Don't worry. Peter 60 She smiles. mortified.. He dips an INT. reacting each time she HITS the gas. Murney stands. who sits in the back. EXT. He is gesticulating.. then BRAKES. Shane nods.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. and smiles at Shane. MURNEY . Lulu's classmates all chant. LULU'S CLASSROOM . I know it's good. shaking his head. ANGLE on Shane. So. LULU'S CLASSROOM . HITS the gas. Principal Claire next to him. making a mess of an egg. she wrecked a driver's Ed. egg in some purple dye.DAY Driver's Ed. sunglasses on. squashed at a little desk. then BRAKES.she'll pay for the damage.
giving him a "skinhead" look.. what do you expect. Todd and Zoe stand to go. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. Zoe shrugs. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.I'm a bit concerned. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. He does always miss sixth period. 61.. SHANE He's not a NAZI. And that's not all. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought... Todd enters. and I'm not sure what to do.. Shane stops.yes. No. Murney calls into the hallway. I was doing a little recon in his locker. it's not that -..it's the boy.) See if you can talk to the boy. .. boys will be boys -.. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.That? Lady drivers. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.but this is just sick. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return.. but -. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. what's going on. (pulls Shane aside. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. Shane scowls. and Shane walks them out. Shane gives Zoe a look. But this.
Shane trips forwards to his knees. Without warning. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. stretching. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. huh? (Shane ignores him. and leaps at Shane. if you ask me. Kung team: Shane walks away. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. MURNEY You're a good man. I'll show you a couple moves. I promise I won't hurt you..The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Murney laughs. we'll give these boys a treat.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Shane walks the kids out.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. MURNEY It's a date then. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. as he passes. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! .that whole family's no good. and leaves. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. kicking him in the BACK. SHANE I'll talk to him. Shane. SHANE Another time. 62.. and keeps walking. and Murney chases after him. maybe.
On the corner. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. SHANE Smart kid. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. It looks like Shane might fight. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. TODD'S ROOM . you're in charge. INT.. but instead he takes a deep breath. It's small for him.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. I want to talk to you. Todd runs towards the house. peering out her window. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. but he . Shane looks out the window -. signal me. running around the corner. He starts to shut the window. He enters. Shane holds Todd back by the arm.. EXT. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. Shane screws the window shut. so the alarm didn't go off.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. He sees Zoe. do your homework. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter.shakes Shane turns back. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. Shane parks. Shane hops out the window. Nothing. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. SHANE Wait Todd. with a flowered basket. Keep all doors sealed. he can see Todd. keeping the contact. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. The window is wide open. and snickers to his Team. PLUMMER HOUSE . preheat the oven. and leaves.far down the block. Murney his head. It's pink.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
Todd looks up at Shane. LIESL We don't have a director. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. BEAT. they're not sure what to do.. they quickly assemble on stage... SHANE COMPANY -. Liesl chimes in. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. He smiles.What if. it's over.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling.. Shane's glare. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar... OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling.. TODD ..... weird or something? 66 .. Todd looks devastated -.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Chicks dig guys who can dance. or not? Everyone nods... Shane shakes his head. Shane looks at the Cast. girls'll think I'm. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Shane straightens up. show's off.
. INT.. LULU'S ROOM . SHANE Okay. another girl picked up the phone. Shane exits.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway..just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. furious... No wait! . It's stupid.. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. I don't know why I let it get to me. angrily. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. Scott... He peeks in -. I know it's no big deal..UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . ZOE . He hears Zoe in her room. I called him in his room. I promise.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT.LATER . I won't touch him. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. He turns out the light. BREAKING something.. SHANE .Yes. YES WHAT? SHANE .
The elves had to go in and take it out. the little Elf family -. Once there was a family of Elves. As Shane finishes the story. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. on Lulu's floor.. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. and they came in from the north..so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. So -they waited for cloud cover. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into..Uh.. ULU Tell me a story. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. Stumped.. He sits on the bed. setting up the scene with DOLLS. he illustrates. Shane looks at her surprised. Let's see. (MORE) T S L 8.Shane tucks Lulu into bed... I 6 ... Uranium.. facility. Went into the magic forest. To find a secret gnome. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.
I can't remember that thing.. The wails get louder and LOUDER. and do the Panda Dance..mean standing.. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Todd calls from the doorway.. Peter starts bawling. INT. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .. Then.. Lulu's fallen asleep.. TODD I'll write it down for you. He made it up for him. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.Rodriquez. Shane sighs. . Peter WAILS. from across the hall.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. c'mon. Like dad used to do.. And you ain't got a chance. And not one Elf got left behind that day. We got `em all. SHANE Oh.. and whispers to Peter.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.. lower than the floor. NURSERY .. the teeniest little elf of all -.. Even. or he won't stop.. head in the door.. S 69. TODD You have to do the dance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.
PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. The Kids sit bolt upright. SHANE Today you drive. with her Gameboy.. GARAGE .. terrified. Zoe and Peter are half asleep.Shane sighs. . The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Zoe realizes he's staring at her.. Shane turns and catches Mr. (He does. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. Chun. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. Shane.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. She gets out in shock. He sings again. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. just like the crabs do. They turn to Zoe. Chun gets his paper. Shane crab-walks sideways. (Tyler in the snuggle). T the A 70.) EXT.. Shane hops forward three times. through the mirror. mortified. and gets in the driver's seat.MORNING . SHANE What are you looking at? INT. He does the dance as he sings. Lulu is next to him. staring. Peter applauds. Humiliated. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan.
not the road.... I trust you. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. MINIVAN .ZOE But -. Zoe backs jerkily out. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. no. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me.. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. The Kids share a dubious look. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. Zoe is surprised. Touched. She pulls out. Keep going. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. INT.. jerkily.. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. but trying not to show it. Exactly. Shane is shaky. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span.I can't even pass driver's Ed. Shane is nervous. Lulu and Todd are terrified. S P .
1500 hours. Suddenly -. Shane's . INT. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Zoe smiles. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. and a little make-up. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him.Claire BARKS out. laughing. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. EXT. ZOE Ha ha ha. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Shane lets him down and heads into school. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Shane unclenches his teeth.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb.71. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Next lesson. severe stare) Now. terrified. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables.. Shane jumps out of the car. Scott's terrified. with a few FRIENDS. CAFETERIA . Do we understand each other? Scott nods. trembling. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Very funny. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . almost tapping a bus's rear fender.. SHANE Good. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Chastened.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. KIDS boisterously run past. being obnoxious. Before Scott knows what's happened.. She's wearing a cute dress. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Claire strides into view. Shane spots something. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. hey head into the school..
eyes alight. Love it when he does that. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well." In one move. S T P . SHANE hey eat in silence. Shane`s not so good at small talk. Suddenly.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. and offers him a milk. dragging . Shane leaps over the table.. S he sits beside him. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. sailor? Thanks. Principal Claire sighs "not again. you never know who you're going to run into. He smiles back.. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . something... impressed. Wow. Noon and none of them have been called to my office.. It's a miracle. She's waiting for him to say. She smiles. him by the ear. too. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO.
MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Yeah I do. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. intimidated. TODD Hey. I want to sing. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. MURNEY I've had it.. Then: TODD I am not scared. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. boy. I. I'm right here. It opens Friday.. M 73. Murney.Murney shoves Todd forward. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. Murney gets up in Shane's face.. Todd looks.. . E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Talk. I quit.. What're you so scared of. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. MURNEY Winners never quit. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. Murney turns around.. No one's sure they heard him right. Freak? The Students snicker. now it all makes sense. Silence.
SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. it's scary S 74.me. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. The whole team wants to quit. The Gym. You suck. He storms out. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. Murney looks around.it reads: . There is a stunned moment -.Shane steps them. They look to the ground sheepishly.and then a mob of Students. humiliated.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. His voice cracks -. furious -URNEY So -. taking flyers. TODD There is a man in my house -. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear.face to face. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. Todd's telling the truth. swarm Todd. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Everyone is watching. Your ass is mine.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. M urney looks over at the Team. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. Let's do it. Murney did not expect to be called out. So calm. protecting him. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. You win.
WHAM. The bleachers are PACKED. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . hard. quietly twitching on the ground. Murney bounds to his feet. Shane throws an arm around Todd. mumbling something. shocked. 3:00. Murney. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. and sweeps Murney -.3:00 mat.sending him right into the wall. and they head out. Todd flops to the mat. rushes Shane. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Murney lands on his back. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Shane side-steps." INT. Todd cheers Shane on. S 75. M URNEY on. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. GYM . you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. grabs onto Murney's waist. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him.BAM. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Shane DIVES OVER Murney."Murney's getting his ass kicked. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through.
SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . FOREST . Claire. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. Todd. that's all. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. If you're not sure. The crowd cheers. TO: EXT. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. BUGS. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here.Dislocated nerve. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. They walk out. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. LULU We're Brownies. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. She gives him a thumbs up. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. I got my troops waiting. TODD That was awesome. fascinated. No brownies edible. When I Rwanda. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. too. 76 SHANE either. .
PUNCH. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. PLUMMER HOUSE . OLD FACTORY . here at the top of the stairs. He illustrates the stage directions. He signals her. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.fascinated. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. in between punches. in perfect tempo. The Kids don't get it. KICK.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. PUNCH.FRONT LAWN ..she hits EVERY ONE -. he reaches out and rocks it.. she burns rubber. here. and. NURSERY . She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes.we'll put Von Trapps here. KICK.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. He laughs at his own joke. EXT. INT. MALL PARKING LOT . In unison. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying..He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. The Duck watches all this -. Shane holds a stopwatch.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. Zoe . and races through a slalom of orange cones -.. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones." INT. EXT. MALL PARKING LOT . Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. the Girls PUNCH.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND...
DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.. The Brownies attack.. mercilessly. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.2. NURSERY . He counts begins wriggling free..BACK YARD . He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. Shane gives her a signal. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.out and weaves the cones. T I E 77. but doesn't fall." Lulu.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.3.. INT.DAY -"1. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. in we WIDEN back. They watch closely.. OLD FACTORY . PLUMMER HOUSE . MALL PARKING LOT .. EXT. it teeters.FRONT LAWN .NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. INT. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. your life little girl. PLUMMER HOUSE .. she only clips one. ODD . EXT. Hands a T . blur. EXT.
8. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. Again. Peter. But sweet dreams. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. he almost bursts into tears.hard. Peter Panda. now and then. SHANE I'm not your daddy. He kisses Peter on the forehead. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. Graceful. He does a spin kick. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. Shane is so touched.EVENING . daddy. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . odd tries the spinning kick. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. THUD! Gazelle. Graceful. Peter. NURSERY . Todd tries the kick. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. but blows it. adding a James Brown flourish.he's got it down. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -." Singing and doing all the moves -. Then he tucks Peter in.huh? Now. INT.
S SHANE That's my troop. scary. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever..CONTINUOUS Shane shops. tying him. You're gonna have to pay for that. FORMATION. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. In one move. the Other Scouts are scared. see them. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. The Scouts share a look -. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . he lands on the ground hard. She shoves a cookie in his mouth.MOMMY! She lets him go -. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. at their own table.they LAUGH. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. the Chubby Cub Scouts. He smiles.in a FLIP.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. As he's comparing prices -. wearing the double snuggle. INT. striking a cool pose. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. but like lightning. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. The . 9. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison.he sees. she wraps it around his arm. Across the lot. proud. The Scout struggles..
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
soldier.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. Shane answers it. OE I never even got to say good bye.SHANE He's left alone. INT. the kids are all abuzz. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. EXT. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. BACK YARD . HALLWAY . ANGLE . we're on the first plane in the morning. The phone rings. HOTEL . She throws her arms around Shane. A tear runs down Zoe's face. WITH: J INT.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . talking excitedly. J 82. happy.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. JULIE The red tape is cleared up.
unblinking.. GARAGE . How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. hane rises. he Duck stares. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Kids to play S . Gary sits in the next chair. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool.The house is dark. the Duck starts quacking. Shane sits in a lawn chair. Suddenly. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box.. No reason for personal attachments. your wings aren't clipped. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front.NIGHT hane turns the light on. He pets the Duck. INT. Shane sighs morosely. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. Shane turns. SHANE Just another assignment. with. Three squares a day.
The break in its surface is a strange.. leading below the garage..MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. crack the lock all night.. shines it down the grate.. unsuccessfully. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. TO: to S 84. He's been trying.. He tries muscles rippling. we see a CRANK WHEEL. INT. Nothing. The wheel spins. GARAGE . Shane looks on stunned. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. only It's solid and inscrutable. INTERC UT: B harder. and then it gives. Shane dials a phone. he floor opens. Shane steps down it. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . The Kids are watching his progress. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE.. . No hinges or cracks. Lulu hands him a tool. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate.. DISSOLVE INT.SHANE What happened..
Do you have it? SHANE No. excited. Okay.Lulu. Bill reacts. GARAGE . Julie sits beside him. can't crack it.EXT... pleased. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. It's in a steel vault.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. I think I found GHOST. GARAGE . An ominous pause... relieved. he answers it. SEDAN . GHOST. She looks stricken. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Except for -. Bill's cell phone rings. Then we slowly MOVE UP. towards the neighbor's house. We'll be there shortly -. MRS.don't do anything `til I get there. W e PUSH INTO the house. don't do anything further. TO: INT. Through a window. TO: INT.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. CHUN CUT BACK . Away from Shane. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. After we turn this in to my CO. Everyone reacts happily. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore.. I've been trying all night. Silently spying on Shane.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. and hangs up.. BILL . sir.
SHANE He goes silent. Shane -. in the next room. should be home soon. Julie and Bill hop out. J JULIE'S P.. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. in shock.they hear. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. SHANE You guys better get ready.: The house is spotless. LULU But. Kids singing a beautiful. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. Tongue-tied. INT. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). comes into the dark hall. HOUSE ..V. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. KIDS VOICES . so they probably trashed the place. I 85. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. She trails off.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. The rug is vacuumed.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . Lulu? You should be happy. he has no answer. The fish tank is clear. Bill is carrying her suitcases..O. JULIE'S HOUSE .DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up..
MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. ZOE Welcome home. then salutes back) Good job. picture- . Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. Lieutenant.. 8 JULIE almost faints. a capella) . The Kids rush forward and hug her. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. Bill steadies her.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. She staggers to. Lulu has bows in her hair.. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. DINING ROOM .. KITCHEN . Across the room.(singing. for a thousand years. no dishes in the sink... mom. Julie goes to the.. Zoe is in a conservative dress. ( B 6.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. BILL (he smiles wryly. Shane sees Bill enter.. with songs they have sung. INT. S SHANE Captain. Dumb-struck. featuring Todd. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. She sees. INT. Julie starts bawling. Peter is fresh faced. smiling..
Shane. Suddenly. pause) But I'll have to think about it. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Bill stops. Shane continues. ILL I'm really proud of you. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir.. You just name it. anywhere you want.. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. all I've never known is the military.. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . surprised. Don't get me wrong. BILL I should hope not. SHANE That's kind of you. And I think I want to explore that some more..DAY Shane leads Bill inside. an ANGRY VOICE.INT. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. GARAGE . Sir. S S 87. reluctant. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. Bill holds the pronged key.
then passes out. There were delays.SHANE Lights out.. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. startled. CLOSE-UP . Chun comes closer. relishing a second of glory -.. MRS. confused.. GUNS DRAWN. SHANE'S POV woozy. B 88. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. and Mrs..Shane and Bill spin. and starts to fall. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. startled.. Disoriented. Chun... hane takes control! He smiles. . They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. Mr. He takes a submissive position. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms.. Shane peers in confusion. reaching for Bill's key.. He is losing consciousness. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Shane puts his hands behind his head. He turns. while SLAMMING their heads together. he looks up as he drops. Things are spinning.when suddenly.... Shane shoots Bill a glance. Mrs.
bright and white. 8 Bill grins. ILL North Korea pays better. The Korean Man (Mr. closing the window shades. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. reaching.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Beside the safe is a red switch. The floor is covered with square tiles. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. INT. They anxiously tiptoe. Peter has a JUICE BOX. Bill and Mrs. They THE VAULT! Spare. They whimper.. GARAGE . Bill and Mrs. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. Inside is a dark corridor. Chun) Keep an eye on them. Bill checks the knots binding the children. and it CLICKS. Chun) secures the room. The door HUMS. then slides OPEN! enter.. Bill inserts the two-pronged key..DAY Shane lies unconscious. scared. Charles trusted you. exit.with me.. with two .. INT. He GAGS the kids.BLACK. 9. (to Mr. JULIE I trusted you. NURSERY . You -.. The Kids are furious. Julie glares. Chun approach the steel door. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. FADE IN: INT. tied up. livid. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. So did the Department of Defense.
.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. Bill eyes the safe.needing a distraction. Mrs.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. completely SINGED OFF. then leans back against Zoe. but the of her jacket is on fire. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. The air is filled with an ominous. eyeballing them icily. Tyler GASPS. done.S. INT. Chun guards the kids. like a monstrous computer. Lulu "looks" scared.. CHUN But I've got some C4.the Kids look innocent. MRS. CHUN Just..settings: ARMED and DISARMED. Lulu frowns. But behind her back. she unties Zoe! Then -. Mr. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. then Mr. With a rapid blur of finger-work. as if she hadn't moved. HOUSE .. low-pitched HUM. she hits her panic button! O. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. off shoulder eyebrows.SAME TIME Mr. had eyebrows. quickly assuming a fake bound position. the Chun spins.. Mr. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. BEEPING. startled -. She confidently strides toward the safe -. Chun whirls -. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes.. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. MRS. He sneers. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . It's set on ARMED. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. MR. horrified -.. Chun is Bokay.
Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun laughs: MR. slamming the door behind her. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Mr. then. Chun's face. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. They untie Julie.. Chun scowls. Chun looks at Lulu. . Chun tries to grab her by the wrist.W Z 90.. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Mr. It HURTS. Lulu runs. he steps closer. Chun's leg. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. when he's at her level. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Mr.. snake-like move. BEHIND TODD . Skeptical. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. HAM without warning.. Chun's head. CHUN That's cute. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. he drops to his knees in pain. Mr. but Lulu EVADES with her cool.
they're trapped inside. Bill lurches into view. M E M 91. He puts his face up to the hole he's made..CONTINUOUS Mr. his face COATED in white. I INT. She SCREAMS. INT.. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. Chun punches the door. clutching her! The . Chun's face.CONTINUOUS Mr.doorknob.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. FRONT DOOR .Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. but the door won't budge.. He sticks his face out the hole. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY ..CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. NURSERY . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. DONNGGG -. He yells out furious! MR. INT. making a small hole.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.but as Julie exits. NURSERY . Chun falls back from the door.. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her. INT.
CHUN Chun falls..I've got the keys. unsure.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. then nod and run to the side garage. speaking in Korean: RS.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. INT. Chun listens to Mr. HOUSE . Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. HOUSE .as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Chun THE RADIO. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. EXT.. they're not going anywhere. MINIVAN . Mrs. . They start to run back. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. She floors it. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. MR.CONTINUOUS r.. Chun comes racing around the house -. ARGHH! driveway..kids are horrified.
INT. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. It's getting old. Julie GASPS. Then. INT. Chun exits the vault. They step past Shane's body. B . I wouldn't have killed him so soon. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. gaining on them. oe runs a yellow. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. holding a military RADIO. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. GARAGE ..SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. leading her to the secret door. VAN . What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -..CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it.Charles didn't tell me about the room. lying on the concrete. Mrs. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. chilled. I want to know how to get through the booby traps.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Don't make me kill you too. a CRACKLING of static.
he clicks "talk" on the radio. Then -. Bill... SHANE (O. ZOE . CHUN Mr.. He does something we can't see. I'll get you in. as Zoe drives. my husband has question: MR.. MINIVAN . Chun just inches from the kids' tail. Bring them back unharmed. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. The men stare down. Bill uncuffs Shane. to cut them off! INT. It's B risky.DAY The vehicles race. emotional. ILL . It's like a chariot race. Do it.S. BILL Change of plan. ANGLE .SHANE They look over -. half on the sidewalk. ill eyes him. MRS. don't hurt the kids. EXT.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. they might wreck.93.) Bill.. just please don't hurt anyone.. Chun zooming by. Bill deciding if he can trust him. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. everyone looks down. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. Surprised.Shane is standing in the doorway. BUSY STREET . He tries to pass them on the right.
Exasperated.. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. crayons. Mr. Bill waits impatiently. In the van. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Mr. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him.. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. SECRET VAULT . . Chun ROLLS UP his window. Chun holds Julie. Chun SCREAMS.What's taking you? 94.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. M R. and loses control.. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass.. It throws Mr.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Mrs. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. triumphant. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener.. INT. Mr. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Chun with debris: milk cartons.. Peter laughs. Hair spray. disoriented. orange peels. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. She Mr. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them.. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Chun off for a beat. Shane is figuring his options. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Zoe looks over.
ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But.now. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Shane steps forward . Shane gets up.A bewildered beat -. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. go get it -. landing on his hands and knees.. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. confidently: J B B 95 . BILL Code or no code. Tyler! Bill reacts. He speaks aloud. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Shane SQUIRTS it. Shane leaps back. puzzled. Watch.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. over one beam and ducking under another -. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. . Shane steps forward. Peter. ill cocks his gun.. Sweat drips down Shane's face.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. sending him flying backwards. Todd.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Lulu. in pain. Bill laughs.
across two tiles. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Again -. CLOSE-UP . lower than the floor. E 96 . then back: smiles. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Bill and Julie share a look -. Shane feels the Groove in the floor.NOTHING HAPPENS. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. . NOTHING HAPPENS.. not quite centered to the room. fearlessly. Shane LAUGHS sharply. He steps sideway..they have no idea what he's laughing about. It dawns on Julie what he's doing.. And you haven't got a chance. He takes a deep breath. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. just like the crabs do. Shane he steps forwards. When you're down and low.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. He thinks. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. Julie relieved. He feels the Groove.. Calmness comes to Shane's face. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie.SHANE Shane's thinks. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Something she said. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .
LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. they're FLYING. he'd be toast.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. Use the gas. from the ceiling. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. 5-0.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. They have my mom.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. Inside is the Cute Cop. When he steps back -. BUSY INTERSECTION . EXT. his focus gone. not the brake. 9 7. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. ZOE Come on.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. The Squad Car's lights flash on. and he catches up with the minivan -. Zoe blows past it. If he'd been standing. and our bodyguard -. Don't follow me! .it takes a while.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing.
My intelligence proved to be faulty. and speeds back towards her house. but if I had more resources. Following the chase. Suddenly. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. . SUBURBAN STREET . the Minivan SPEEDS by.. NECK-BRACE. at a safe distance. sliding forward. I accept full responsibility. in a cloud of smoke. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. Then better jump quick. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. nervously. Claire frowns. pool of liquid. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. PLUMMER BASEMENT . 98. SCHOOL .. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. She shakes her head. It's acid. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. Squad Car turns around and chases her. like there ain't no floor.. concerned. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. INT. Zoe U-turns.. EXT. almost running it off road. is Mr. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. The Squad Car is on its tail.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. EXT.the The She swerves into the Squad Car.
sir. if you're willing to join up. The safe's red light turns green. She gestures back: you go. He holds his breath just in time. He's relieved -. Finally. I knew you'd figure it out.. BILL Thank you. Bill shrugs. Beat.and walks across the room. Chun follows. Whew. BILL (CONT'D) You know. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. "Just hold your breath. to the left of the HOLE. Immediately. All that we stand for. Mrs. The Booby Traps are disarmed. almost done. Shane. Bill signals for Mrs. Shane scowls. and jumps back. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance." He jumps. to calm down) Almost done.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. Chun to go first. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. It's a stand-off. You were always my best man.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. The whole room goes SILENT.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. He nervously steps forward . Nothing happens.. and jump to the left. pulling Julie along. What do you say -. And you betrayed all of that. He lands in front of THE SAFE. BILL I'll take that as a "no." .he waves his hand over the floor. He flips the switch to DISARMED. 99. Bill looks around. Bill takes a breath -. disgusted.
And he's strong! shoves Shane back. MRS.Mrs.Bill turns to the safe. unrelenting.. trying to read Shane's poker face.. SHANE There will be no mercy. BILL (CONT'D) . That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. I think you better open it. Mrs. Relief. You open it. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. She turns it. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. I walked the floor first. head. legs! He's crazed. Shane shrugs. BILL None requested. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. Bill LUNGES. Nothing happens. . Something's not right. Shane reaches for the safe.. shaking from the voltage. hitting Bill's arms. Chun LEAPS onto his back. Chun reaches out. Chun doesn't budge. SIZZLING. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Full of himself. Reluctantly . and touches the dial. Bill gestures to Mrs.. Bill is off guard. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. He starts to reach for the dial. But suddenly Mrs. her hair on end. Bill is incensed. Chun.. then PUNCHES him in the gut. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her.. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. but Shane gazes coldly. then catches himself.
and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. SHANE You're a. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. stumbles backwards across the room. chase after. Shane COLD-COCKS her. Bill is charging him. They punch. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. She smiles. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. OOF! Bill tumbles. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.O. Shane narrows his eyes. everyone is SCREAMING. knocking her out. It's clear the both have the same training. IN THE VAN. unable to gain her balance. ANGLE . Say. Shane struggles to lose her. The Police Cars . and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. good night. Shane tumbles. delivering a series of hard punches.they tangle like pro's. tottering. She catapults. SIRENS wailing. terrible neighbor. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. saved. which Shane deflects -. kick. Leering mercilessly.BILL He steps over Shane. he drops and FLIPS her. PLUMMER'S STREET .SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house... the wind knocked out of him. landing on his back in front of the safe. connecting only occasionally. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. He jumps to his feet.. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. then whispers/sings. Suddenly.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. Shane shakes his head. SHANE . spin.! EXT. K. But he's unforgiving.. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps.
and hits a tree.. The Kid spill out and run. It's finally over. from the car. then look in the safe: Inside. She smiles at Shane. Then -. grateful. Shane gently removes it. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop.101. smoke BURNING from the tires -. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Now we can go back to our peaceful. The van SKIDS.. Cops surround them. SECRET VAULT . Whoa. But it's too late. Shane steps out. The garage door raises. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.. GHOST.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. JULIE Thank you Shane. The kids clamber from the van. SHANE . HOUSE . with their hands raised. then BRAKES.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.O.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT.SAME TIME Total commotion. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . INT. They look in silence. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.
CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. Julie and Shane Freeze. Silence. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. Chun stands inside the gate.. Mr. MR. CHUN (O. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.S. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. you're in a lot of trouble. helpless. ZOE But. Cops cover Shane and Julie.. and grabs the MR. Even Chun is amazed. officer..a CRAZED SCREAM.CUTE COP FREEZE.. The Cops are unsure what to do. Now. Nobody is sure what to do. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Shane weighs his not so many options. uh. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.. He's disheveled and manic. But then -.. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. Shane spins.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. I suggest you call the FBI. Zoe. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. 10 2.. vaults onto Chun. He scoffs. as he turns his head. triumphant.. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Numerous.
LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. F . CLOSE-UP . AGENT Mr. You're a one-man battalion. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.B. he . This chaos is unsolvable.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. Wolfe..SHANE He breaks into a big grin. that was nice work. AGENTS swarm the area. ANGLE . Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.B. GARAGE .B. SHANE Just doing my job.rocket launcher. COP I think I'll call the FBI.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.B. reaches for his radio. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. CLOSE-UP .I. then walks off. Shane talks with an F. swelling with pride. INT. watching the FBI Agents work.LATER F.I. Julie huddles with the kids. PLUMMER HOUSE . DISSOLVE TO: EXT. F. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD.. Agent.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. Shane examines it. 103.I.I.
I'm on dry land. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. She sees. Todd. Julie. I don't see anything but reasons to stay.. Summer's almost here. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else..CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. I'm kinda. and gather around. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.. On. from the safe. then Julie found the key. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . a letter. Lulu -.I want to say: I love you more than anything. Zoe. SHANE . say -. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this.Yes. I always have.. Peter. and Julie notice. The Plummers hug each other. And to tell the truth. SHANE Well. Mock-angry... Tyler. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.Maui? . Her siblings. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. here. re-conning the situation. He looks at Claire. fallen onto the floor.. He looks around: at the family. Shane looks at her. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. I don't know. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. 104. You tell me. EXT. A tear comes to her eye. Does it itch? Yes. You're the superior office.....
we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. baffled. Zoe gives them a look -. TIGHT .he hugs the whole family at once. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane.Sir yes sir. sad.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. squeezing them off the ground. Shane bawls -. Julie looks up. I'm gonna . P ETER Love you. come here you. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. Thank you. Lulu turns to Shane.his medal. Your work here is through. 105. SHANE Claire beams. The Plummers all approach. For everything. He starts to head off..SHANE This is too much. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . He wipes his face.he can't keep it in.. SHANE Ah. Shane. Guess you have to go now. She puts out her hand. LULU This is it. interrupting. A long beat. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. to shake his.. ZOE But.. He puts them down. Like he did. He squeezes her hand around it. SHANE Your dad would be so proud.
rapt. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. In SLOW MOTION. Julie watches in astonishment. Shane stands. Claire: dressed to the nines. hit your marks.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical." In the audience. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. Farewell. VICTORIA THEATRE. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. BACKSTAGE . She is surrounded by her children.a Michael Jordan dunk. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. his hair combed. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. It's fantastic -. Todd spins. beaming with pride. the little Brownie Troop. until he sits back down.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for." Hearts swell. A STANDING OVATION. Shane watches with bated breath. They all watch. The performers take their curtain . The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Scott: in a suit. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. You Are Sixteen begins. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. even Murney.
and the house goes crazy. FADE OUT.html on December 9 2010 .-The. Shane smiles. touched. Thundering applause. Mission accomplished. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.calls.com/scripts/Pacifier. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.imsdb. He humbly steps into view -. THE END http://www.