THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

But you have to do exactly what I say. I'm gonna get you outta highway option. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. him his oxygen.. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. My way -.. When it finally opens. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. Do you copy? (Plummer Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. . Shane removes his mouth piece.. but can't get free. He tries force the door open. to the roof. when I say it. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances.. As the water rises. terrified. One of our SEALS calls out to them. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. He's gone. Up to his nose. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. over his head. INT.SIMULTANEOUS 4. SHIP'S HOLD . The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. EXT. Plummer screams. United States Navy. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating.. ON THE DECK . PLUMMER How did you know where I.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. hauling the Professor up.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. they're almost out of ammo. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. He cuts the Professor's GAG.

EXT. more!" They do.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. clearly he loves this kind of day. He . SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. INT. terrified.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. then disappear gracefully back into the water. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. 5.. SHIP'S HOLD . It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. OCEAN'S SURFACE .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. SHANE INT. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. and pulls himself. Hold on.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . HELICOPTER .MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. Shane takes a deep breath.. INT. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. HELICOPTER . Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. holding the Professor. pulling the Professor in behind him.

waits. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. rotors whirling slowly. how'd we. MOUNTAIN CLEARING .. I'm just not big on chit chat. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely.beside him. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Lieutenant. thank you. Charles stops Shane. I can't believe you... PLUMMER Oh my God.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. shutting him up.. EXT. We have to keep moving. Not imperative to the mission. She thinks I'm dead.. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. That was the most incredible.. CHARLES Lieutenant. CHARLES I'm safe. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. . Please. the Professor looks terrified. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. The Professor takes out his mouth piece.

. Shane drops.. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. It's voice activated.. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. SHANE We're almost ready. puzzled. Todd. Charles dials. back to him. I do security. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. then hands him his satellite phone. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. WHAM.Charles picks up his briefcase.. Peter. and talks.... Tyler. I'm alive. INT. All goes . PAVE HAWK . The briefcase pops open. knocked unconscious. Designed it myself.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. Lulu. RUN!!! black. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. PILOT sits. Shane considers.. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY..couldn't crack it. Shane looks at him. I have a picture of my kids in here. that's my specialty. you want to see it? Negative. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -.. DEAD. Charles dials his cell phone.

: Everything is a blur.7. His arm and face bandaged. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . There is huge explosion.V. despondent. HOSPITAL . as the chopper ignites. EXT.. I know sir. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes hurts to salute. He takes a long look at Shane. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. Captain. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. unconscious. He holds a REPORT in his hand. Shane reaches out. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. SHANE .DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.O. Bill sits down beside the bed. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. Everything is ablaze. He sees Charles. unassuming. A Huey Helicopter lands. in slow-motion. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. He looks around.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. sir. HOSPITAL .friendly. SHANE'S P. but he does it anyway. And a good friend. barely conscious. and takes Charles' Briefcase. PAVE HAWK .DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. You're the best man I ever trained.

Thank you. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -..a genius. SHANE The case was empty sir. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.S. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes... He can't believe his good fortune. as I stated in my report. appreciate your confidence. disappointed..S. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. G.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.. I'm gonna need the mini sub. It's not that kind of mission. BILL Not a surprise. really. Bill shakes his head. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.H.H.T. Bill considers this.O. Invigorated.. and starts to rise. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. and sits opposite Shane. SHANE Sir. is still out there. Then. disconnects an IV. .T. he pulls off bandages. I. He called it G.O. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. 8. BILL . SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.SHANE He had to call his family. He pulls up a chair. Shane sits up..

She told me someone had broken into her home. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. Shane is shocked. Whoever killed the professor must think G.. BILL The professor's wife requested you. and protect them.. I got a call from the professor's wife. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir... I need someone to stay at that house. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. BILL .T. is in that house. Maybe it is. Widow.) Honey.. anyway. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared.S. intrigued. The family's scared. Searched the place. top to bottom. CHARLES (O. presses play. SHANE'S APARTMENT . (MORE) 9. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. Either way. I'll call you in an hour. Shane is surprised.S. hearing the dead man's voice. Shane Wolfe..if anything happens to me... It's just that. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket.NIGHT . CUT TO: INT.. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.Shane listens. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. sir.O. maybe it isn't.. I should go. call Lt. I love you. He's a good man. I'm alive. I've never been very good with kids.H. sir. Not even when I was a kid sir.

and sees LULU..AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. Shane frowns. machete. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. The sprinklers go off. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. He reaches in. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts..O. we're not interested. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. and pulls out a small. Shane heads to the door. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. He looks at for a moment. night vision goggles. EXT. peering up at him. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. It SQUEAKS. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. also identical to the one he wears. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. Shane looks down -. . SUBURBAN STREET . with toys all over the lawn. He rejects it.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. 10. they all go in. identical to the one he wears.. Shane eyes Lulu. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). Shane looks like a bad ass. Shane's P.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. Hm. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.Shane packs his duffel bag.then the door swings open.. EMALE VOICE (o. 8. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. Shane double-checks the address.V. Lulu eyes Shane. ready for anything. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. camouflage vest. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass.s.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. INT. Julie and Shane share a look. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. listening to the conversation. The phone RINGS inside. Shane. I think it could contain GHOST..) There's a catch.MORNING stand hug Julie. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. This could all be over! BILL (o.. JULIE That's wonderful. INT. with her suitcase. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. Swiss law says only his family can access it.NIGHT Shane..s. Julie casually answers it. Helga and the Kids in the doorway.) Julie.s. BILL (o. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.s. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . it's Bill Fawcett. We slowly pull out. 14.Nighttime -. I have some potentially good news. Helga will . entersJULIE I'll be there. Through the window. LIVING ROOM .the family eats dinner.. through the kitchen window. JULIE What is it? BILL (o.

.. Helga will take care of everything else. it's my job to worry. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. I'll be back in 48 hours. And on the back door. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. I'm gonna miss you... JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. Mrs. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. And on the phone. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble.handle everything.. And guys. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. Plummer. do it. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. chill. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. No.we'll be fine. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. it's just. I am a mom.. ZOE Mom -. They'll be safe with me.. SHANE Don't worry. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. are you licensed to kill? .. H S . HELGA Everything will be fine. ... I love you guys.

pouring in Cheerios..s... Shane shakes his head. when in the corner of his eye -. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. SHANE (CONT'D) . You do something..) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.. elga stomps out. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him.5. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.WHRRP! Shane ducks. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. on a short ladder. Gary suddenly FLIES by .and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. He shuts off the - . HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. Shane turns off the light. Shane heads down the hall.. INT. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship.NIGHT Shane. can't find him. INT. I make bottle.. looks around for the CRYING BABY.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN.NIGHT hane rushes in -. Immediately..

PLUMMER HOUSE . SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. come on Scott. Zoe! . . jumps onto the trampoline. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure... tool. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. house like a marionette. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked.. EXT.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. 16. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE.window alarm and sneaks out silently. I'll call you. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. Shane LIFTING him in the air. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled.. Shane runs. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. fine. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. They both tumble to the ground. Zoe -. runs off. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. calling out from across the street. SHANE Not with this kid. ZOE He's my boyfriend. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. ZOE Okay..go back inside. but alright. S COTT .. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood.BACK YARD . revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. He's dazed.

The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Sorry. Shane's about to head inside. The alarm stops.. so we're up kind of early. PLUMMER HOUSE .Zoe storms inside. I INT. Try to keep that zoo reigned in.. pop their heads out. CHUN Thanks a bunch. Kojak. MR. MR. Shane addresses them. fuming... about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. we own a bakery. SHANE MRS. CHUN (perfect English. We had an intruder. THE CHUNS. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Shane stands there. Oh. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. Oh. and we found this in our pool filter.. no accent) We speak English. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 .. SHANE My apologies.NIGHT . he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. Look. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. CHUN . huh baby-sitter? Mr. The Alarm's still blaring. A simple misunderstanding.

You should have told her the truth.s. SHANE Not anymore. angry rock music blares from Todd's room.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Bite me! Shane frowns. She has to hop on one foot. ZOE Who do you think you are -. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. Zoe falls backwards into the room. Shane flips her foot in the air. Shane marches back down the hall. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. to not fall over. Shane shuts her door. lower than the floor. Loud.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the dad? Zoe starts to turn -.) sing). . And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. continues down the hall. S W 1 8. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.

warm orange light. Shane shakes his head. T Z Z T 19. Three steps forward. one step back. just like the crabs do. In the bedrooms.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. in bed -. Then jumps up.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep.groove. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. to their beds. he wriggles on the floor. Peter in his bed. and do the Peter Panda Dance. . Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. then "crab-walks" sideways. She does.laugh and laugh. INT. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. PLUMMER HOUSE . HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. The Children. HOUSE . keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. EXT.

oe is wrapped in blankets. Covering their ears. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. S . Move. ODD It's Sunday.MORNING Todd sits up. Todd pulls the blanket over his head.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. HALLWAY .. Helga runs through in hair curlers.m. 20 . TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. TODD'S ROOM . half-asleep and angry.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. L Move. You're insane.. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door.odd is out cold. motionless. Todd blinks groggily. carrying the crying baby. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. not understanding what's happening. INT. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. disoriented. Not in front of the kids. like she's been electrocuted. Suddenly his door flies open -.

do you. No highway option. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order.. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. ladies.LATER The children are assembled. in Romanian. you. sucking on a bottle. lined up tallest to shortest. ..he gives him a look of disbelief. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. INT. L 21. KITCHEN .) Shane's jaw drops. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind... HELGA (She curses Again. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. Your behavior is unacceptable.

. End of chain. Shane bangs hard on it. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. Now that I know I can't trust you. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. S ULU (CONT'D) . Red 2.and you do it. ZOE I am not wearing that. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Angry. Everyone cracks up. Red baby. where's the older male? There were five. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. He tries the knob. I tell you what to do -. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. ZOE He's in his room.a tense silence. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. or you're dead. Shane tries to maintain decorum.(pointing) Red better be dying. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. The panic button is only for emergencies. P eter farted. Shane bounds up the stairs. but it's locked. He yells at her.. wait. Never take them off. INT. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. So you are -.. SHANE Tracking devices. he's furious. Red Leader. Touch that -.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Everyone stares blankly -.

Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. and Todd comes sauntering back. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Zoe comes up the stairs. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. If you'd been wearing it. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. this wouldn't have happened. INT.a FLUSH.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. He sees Shane. A piece of the ceiling falls. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. I can fix this. PLUMMER HOUSE . The entire frame collapses. She stops at Todd's door -.. then CRASHES inward.. hits Shane on the head.LATER ZOE . Down the hall -.they glare at Shane. He has to go. Todd nods in agreement. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. Shane steps aside. Oops.22. HALLWAY .SMASH! The wood CRACKS.. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it.. INT. the destroyed door and wall. to her room. and head down the hall. patrolling.MORNING . INT.

the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Peter Booos again. His head shifts.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. Lulu hides behind Shane.S. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. Shane turns. wearing a towel as a sheet. And then it hits Shane. HALLWAY . Lulu SHANE Hey. to see that Peter is chasing her. L S 23. Peter! screams. LULU This house is haunted.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. just as -. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. hard. He said there's a ghost. PAPERBOY (O.the rumble of a car approaching. Really? His eyes light up. INT. clicks his alarm remote opens it. he hears something suspicious -. I don't know.LATER . Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. He pretends to be a ghost. He rushes for the front door. hey.WHACK -. Daddy even said so.

As he walks he glides his hands along the wall... STAIRWAY . BANGING her head and ass on each step. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. Then -.ZOE AND TODD . Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. then turns his attention to his laptop. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. scanning the ceiling. I INT. T IGHT . 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. Nothing.. He goes back to the living room.Shane walks slowly down the hall.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Zoe whispers.. inally. She screams. When he hears an alert from his laptop. carrying a huge laundry basket.a creak. He RAPS again. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.. MR. Shane scans it. pushing. Searching. appears. F . Todd and Zoe's faces fall. feeling. listening for hollow spaces. ZOE Here he comes.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. all the way down.. as laundry flutters down from above.

ZOE Uh-oh. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. It's taking him a LONG time. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. He feebly gets up. Bill can't stand it anymore. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. terrified.DAY Establishing. Not in Switzerland. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. He seems to be about 100 years old. SWISS BANK .They gulp. this is an urgent matter. The Banker looks at him blankly. 25. SWISS BANK . mouthing along in FRENCH. He jumps to his feet. . Then looks back to the paperwork. but can't get the page to turn. EXT. If we can't get some faster service. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. then licks his finger to turn the page. INT. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. He licks his finger again. looking jet-lagged.DAY Bill and Julie. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. BANKER Marcel! out. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. I can't. we're going to have to file a complaint. They wait patiently -.

But I can tell you -. enters. RING! Amid the chaos. He grabs her suitcase.Another Banker. QUACKING. Suddenly. I QUIT.SAME TIME Helga. and Helga dashes for the door. Shane moves for the phone. Peter's in the aquarium. remain calm -- 26. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. the chief does not speak English. Shane picks up the receiver. Shane dives. MARCEL. The suitcase handle breaks off. SHANE (CONT'D) . JULIE Thank you. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. heads to the door -. grabbing her foot.Shane tries to block her path. suitcases in hand. How long is that? INT. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. HELGA I am calm. As she tries to wrestle it away. Oui. The duck flies around. As soon as your background checks clear. PLUMMER HOUSE . Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. He DRAGS her back. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about will have access to the box tout-suite.

Helga falls forwards. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -.Ah. CRUNCH. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! .everything's fine. HOUSE . SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. EXT. Shane body-checks it closed. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. against the counter. He picks up his hand. and Shane falls back.. Plummer. Helga scampers out the door. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. Mrs. Mrs.. (covering the phone. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care.. 27.. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. that landed on a diaper. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Shane hangs up the phone. Just doing my. Shane lets go. Duty. Helga struggles to get him off. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem.

KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. baby cries.SHANE Rises. There's been a change of plans. SHANE Okay. . Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. to find the kids are all gloomy.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. if she loves you.CONTINUOUS Shane enters.Helga jumps in the cab. takes a deep breath and strides inside. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. Then -. The 28.. Helga glares back. she'll come back. in the rear window. INT. ANGLE .he slowly glances up. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. dumbfounded. HOUSE . we're just gonna have some more big fun. defeated. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. listen up. He drops his head.. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture... ANGLE . In the meantime. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day.

Pure self-preservation. .ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. inundated. Nobody will help. HEY! Even Peter runs. repelled. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. CLOSE-UP . BATHROOM . he cautiously unfastens the diaper. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. your enthusiasm. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. 29. All for one.SHANE He gulps. holding out the Baby at full arm's length.. takes a deep breath. And then -. I'm Navy.. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. INT. nice moment. Only then can we rise to the challenge. Using the tools as chopsticks. Until -. SShane GROANS. holding his flops open. everyone bolts from the room. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. SHANE Whoa.

. Aghast. she just stares at him. Lulu doesn't go away. 30. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Lulu is in her pj's. She follows. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. SHANE (unsure how to respond. like a puppy.he can't do it. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. over and over and over. HALLWAY .NIGHT Shane patrols the hall.) Thank you. Shane tries approaching -. LULU Hi. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. then FLUSHES. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers.. . LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. INT. he looks around for a solution. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. he looks down to see Lulu. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. I think you're cute. Lulu follows at his heels.SHANE The things I do for my country.

Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. and patrols. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. and shuts off her light. pulling down the shades on every window. 31. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Lulu looks at him.Shane walks room to room. Shane smiles. in beddibye land. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. And I've survived off this stuff for months. The Kids stare at "breakfast. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't's time for you take a nappypoo. All the lights are out. little girl. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. like he's an idiot. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level.BREAKFAST . confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. all the kids asleep. KITCHEN . The kids sit down at their designated spots. Todd. INT. proud of his accomplishment. ." dubious. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. I can get lots more of those.

is not here to take care of you now. ladies. Shane answers.. I don't have any idea what you're talking about.. you stay in. He runs away.. dancing. trying to hear over the screaming. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with's how it's gonna be. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.. Wanna see? Negative. (then:) Yes. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey... Your mama -. then at Tyler -. one for all. So -. Peter stands in his chair.. if I say out. all for one. crying. LULU . We're gonna pull together. Peter starts bawling. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. . If I say in. I can cross my eyes. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.... LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. you go out. too.. And the phone rings..who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. Shane turns to Lulu. ZOE He's only two. Shane sighs.

INT. Thank you. perfect parallel park. He said if you're late again. The Minivan skids completely sideways. EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL ...MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. legal guardian. backwards at sixty m. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. He hangs up..9:29 A.. you and Todd are expelled. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. Across his chest. He wants to see you in his office. It just doesn't add up.. A big suburban school." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes.. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. Oh.p. EXT. INT.. yes.M. Shane fumbles with it for a while. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. LULU We're gonna be late. and at that . wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE.h. I know it's Monday. sir. Zoe smiles at him.a death defying. It hits ZERO. dramatically unveiling Shane. GARAGE . 32 SHANE Plummer residence. into a TINY parking spot -. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. innocently. With your . SHANE Not on my watch. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street..MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. GARAGE . STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside.

He glares at Shane. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. He's HUGE and mean. tough. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. Out of twenty-three. . Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). holding Peter on a harness. too. Duane. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Lieutenant. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. son? SHANE Wolfe. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. V. whatever work you can get. The Kids are seated around him. He withers. Murney is unimpressed. Well. The Kids crack up. Top to bottom. conduct and truancy. They're the worst students in my school.moment. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month.. I'm Murphy. as he plays on the floor. You're in my house now. I coach wrestling. they needed a parole officer. Shane. mortified.. a few days. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . boy. K thru 12. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter.P in charge of discipline. Murney is furious. Looks like Mrs. assured. Plummer finally listened. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. She's attractive.

impressed. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. (then. that as vice principal. BELL rings. What are you doing in my office. Good. Red 2. The teens hustle off to their classes.Good morning kids.and suddenly reacts. staring him up and down. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. Lieutenant. Shane checks his TRACKER -. I think I can handle this from here. Plummer. Mrs... You see. Get moving. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. as he casually holds the three kids.. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. SHANE Red 1. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. 34. Principal Claire eyeballs him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Claire sees this -.two little red DOTS move away. Plummer called my captain. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. fuming. The opens the door for Murney. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. She told me all about you. He exits. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. I am in charge of... She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard.

MID-MORNING seeShane. Claire looks nervously around. Just try not to frighten the children. SHANE Can't be too careful. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS.. Service paid for my college. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. dead serious.. Welcome aboard.. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. JUMP CUT TO: EXT.(Shane nods. and the way I run my school. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. SHANE .. Courage.. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. She lifts her pants leg. That's the way I live my life. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. The 35.. SHANE "Honor.. So. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". On the spot.. to balance Shane. SHANE .) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service.

in Shane puts down his binoculars. 36 . . like a tether ball.. Zoe..last time: Open the hanger.. sitting in the back row of a class. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Save us both a world of pain. He checks his tracking device. SHANE Give up now. CAFETERIA . Black Hawk coming in. with stern intensity. Beside Shane. yanks his hood over his head. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle.. does the same. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Lulu sees Shane and waves. He turns to the person front of him. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. BINOCULARS P.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. picks up a pair of binoculars. Official Business. INT.: Five hundred students eat at long tables.O. Shane closes the computer. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. two. Now -. Todd.Clean as a whistle. in line to get lunch. Todd. turns her back to him embarrassed. delighted.V.O. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. one.V.

I out rank you. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. lieutenant.. He yanks Tyler away from him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. When you agreed to serve your country..) Shane. man..but you're pretty good at this. Can I call you Shane? . not so dry where you're sitting. ignoring him. Principal Claire smiles. I'm impressed. Shane sighs. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Seriously. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. you know. Mr. Oh. (she toasts. (she looks at his chair) Well. Sure.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds.. . RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. Tyler laughs. I guess.. huh? Shane gives her a look. Claire smiles. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray.Tyler gurgles. with milk. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. SHANE Hey -. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. 37. You're on dry land.. A whole day. you don't. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.

Personally . unusual. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. cheering. in the crowd. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Murney smirks. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. VP Murney is watching. LUNCH-LINE . I don't care who starts it. INT. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. As soon as they see the Principal..That's. but not stopping it. Look at him. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. and "punches fists" with him. and the sound of Students in an uproar. MURNEY You heard the lady. MURNEY He did. Zoe. the crowd freezes... impressed. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. next week's tournament is off. (Todd) 38. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd.

The Bell rings.Todd lands on his feet. Frogman -. Maybe you could stop by practice. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. man.. I'm on duty. That's right. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a control. Sorry. flinch. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. Boys'll be boys. Don't even think it. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. promise I'll go easy on you. (low. SHANE .. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. what do you say? Come on. SHANE . we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. sir. yeah. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.. sticking the landing. Murney. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . He'd kill you so fast.. Nice moves. stopping an inch from Shane's head. . I forgot you had to baby-sit. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. Maybe some other time then. Murney approaches Shane..I think that's a little harsh. the crowd breaks up. 39 . MURNEY Pretty slick. MURNEY Oh. Todd lunges at him. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera.I'm a black belt myself..

Panicked.change him.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean... Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Just then. He bursts though it.2:55 Shane looks exhausted.. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Not my job. and not cry. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . holding Tyler out like a grenade. The Principal strolls up. SCHOOL HALLWAY .CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. for one who'll eat. SHANE Oh -. Have fun. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to.INT. Tyler is crying. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. as he keeps watch. But.. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Roger that. Lt. doing a shoulder roll. INT. following his tracking device. 40. Bathroom's down the hall.. Uh. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.Tyler's diaper is full.CONTINUOUS . Shane recoils in disgust. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. another dollar twenty. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. minus taxes. Then Shane smells what she means -. Emergency! SHANE INT. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . It leads him to a door.

a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. Shane makes a right. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. CONSTRUCTION SITE . 41. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. racing down the road ahead of Shane. with the Panic Button in her hand. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . BUSY INTERSECTION . through the fence. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. EXT. Shane is furious. EXT. Thanks.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan.the Class applauds. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. They make a sharp right. almost tipping the minivan. but the FINAL BELL rings.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. I INT. At that moment. He blasts through a red light. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . Shane lands in fight stance -.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. SHANE EXT. He speeds away after them.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. He leaps out of the minivan. his Tracker Alarm sounds again.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Lulu is in front of the class. are heading away from the school fast. HALLWAY . The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. He hands her to the Principal. EXT.

It's horrific. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. then checks the tracker -. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.then gasps -. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. Shane pries off the manhole cover. From outside. PLUMMER HOUSE .SHANE He's alone. and the sound of OMINOUS. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. and charges through. INT. No sweat. Shane trudges through the river of muck. He winces. He catches his breath. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. He takes a deep breath and dives under. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. ANGLE . you're about to get a beat down.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. all brandishing tools. IN THE MANHOLE . Shane lowers himself down. feet away.the DOTS are CLOSE. . Shane easily takes them out.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room.It's dark and dank. Three Workers rush him.section. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE.LIVING ROOM . then checks his tracker. SEWER . Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. they hear the front door open.then RUN. SQUISHY footsteps. INT.

CUTE COP 14 year old Male. looking like a Swamp Creature. 16 year old female. Zoe checks him out as he goes. The Cop looks at them. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.b. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. The Cop leaves. thank you. Todd stiffens. BACK YARD . Everyone gasps. If you need anymore help.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue.p.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair.Then the door swings open. BATHROOM . Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. Zoe fixes her hair.. then covers their noses. Covering her nose. The Cop turns to Shane. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. Ditto.. he doesn't say anything.. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself.LATER Shane is in the shower. She practically GAGS as she passes him. INT. use our nonemergency number. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. 43 INT. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. INT. with a smirk. Call. revealing Shane. The smell is BAD. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. KITCHEN . . weird hair.. .

They already think I'm a loser. Lulu starts to sniffle. The Brownies applaud. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. LULU We have to. You gotta help me out. LULU I can't. cringing in disgust. and whistle. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. Monday. FAMILY ROOM .CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. He looks at it. Shane. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. SHANE (O. 4 . They won't be home `til ten.S. in just a towel. If we don't sell enough cookies. close to tears. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. pulling Lulu after him. they're staring at him. (whispers:) Come on.a dozen little girls in uniforms. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights.all junk food. INT. He sees on the fridge.) Get rid of them.. 4. cause mom never lets me out of her sight.Shane enters. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . And it's not like I have any other friends. Mom's our den mother. we can't go the Jamboree.. it's Monday.

I'm scared of you. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. Here's how it's gonna be.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. at attention.Lulu's about to burst into tears. back in "uniform.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH.. yeah. Tonight. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. ZOE'S BEDROOM . Indian Style. LIVING ROOM . INT. KITCHEN . unpacking boxes of cookies. He's not just locking them -. Now -.. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. SHANE Good. SHANE Alright. getting ready to go. Zoe's on the phone.. revving a cordless POWER DRILL.MOMENTS LATER Shane. They are assembled. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door.. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. I'm gonna be your den -commander. Shane sighs. . do as I say.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. BROWNIE Den Mother? . the other to his back. he's a total psycho. then drills it into place. INT. Shane blows passed her.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. ZOE . ladies.. INT.wait here.

.nothing even looks like food. I dunno if that's a good idea.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. as he pushes a cart into the store. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. Scott. nuts?" EXT. He smiles. INT. but they're . 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM... GROCERY STORE . the camera CRANES up to.. SHANE I gotta get supplies. I can see you through the window.. Zoe picks up the phone. He sees: a huge. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. ZOE . As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. Tyler looks at him -. No. Snack packs. EXT. DRIVEWAY . NOTHING looks familiar -.. He looks around at the bright. GROCERY STORE . it's like Oz or something."what are you. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. but if anything happens.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.5.. GROCERY STORE .. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. EXT. GROCERY STORE . 4 EXT..AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. (she listens:) Hm. hits speed-dial.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.PARKING LOT ... he's got us on lock-down.

SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever... what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle.. you Skeever? . they're back. I haven't seen anybody. chubby CUB SCOUTS. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs..she tugs and tugs. clutching their boxes.noticing very shy. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. Finally. EXT. One of the Brownies spots something.. before I get my face punching badge on you. GROCERY STORE . He rips it open. He laughs. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. and lets her go. They're headed straight towards the cookie table.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. . One The Brownies take off running. but can't get away. menacingly. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF.. The Cub Scouts high-five. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.

2ND SCOUT Nope.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. trembling.22's. Around his neck. I'm here to protect you. Not cookies. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. He heads toward the Scouts. Cheese MANAGER. He bends down. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. EXT. and points at Lulu's Panic button. If I don't come back -avenge my death. The Brownies scream. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. Where? SHANE INT. He wears .A LITTLE LATER .I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. we're going home. CHUCK E. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Get in the car. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. CHEESE . you're supposed to take us to dinner. The Brownies are huddled behind it. PARKING LOT . SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. 47. He firmly tells Lulu. Shane's monitor starts beeping.

the Chuck E. Shane's watching Peter.. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E.. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. This much The Manager laughs. playing video games and ball.CHAOS. which causes him to lisp. Cheese! Wider reveals. Cheese automaton band JAMS. On stage. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. A LITTLE LATER: 48.. skee Brownies are running around. Lulu approaches. this much cyanide. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. .. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game.braces and head-gear. The Manager approaches Shane.. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice..

Shane doesn't like the sound of that. Nobody can jump thirty feet. LULU The Hulk can. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. He cracks his knuckles. Round three starts. Shane even get one punch in -. kneels on his head. Lulu picks a small female character. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. He steps up to the machine. SHANE That's not fair.LULU I pressed two player.. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. They begin. My joystick's broken. Then he a joy stick. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air.she pins him to the ground. stretches. He checks over his shoulder -. then kicks him in the face.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. . He's really mad. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Unless you're scared. I thought you liked combat. The second round starts. Lulu screams out with her fighter. Shane is taking it really seriously. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch.. spins her. then cracks her in half over his knee. and then a kick in the face. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair.

but he can't hit her.. 50. Shane's working the joy stick hard. It's really annoying.. Lulu's having fun now. jumping..stop worrying.. PLUMMER HOUSE .take a shot. She keeps dancing. LULU You're not even trying.. dancing. it's my job to worry. while he pounds the buttons. ZOE Mom -. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.. He and the Brownies sneak away.LIVING ROOM . slamming buttons.. leaving the sizzling machine. swing and a miss. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. Sparks fly... He is KO'd. oops too slow. ZOE .. its joystick dangling by its wires.. INTERCUT WITH: INT..CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. Shane's really fuming. the Zhouse is quiet.. HOTEL ROOM . INT. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. come on -. LULU Too slow. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.. swinging and missing.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom.

then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. everything's cool. And the folks who read my BLOG.The Plummer House: . MALL PARKING LOT . INT. Don't worry. I hate leaving you. up. counting them. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. who doesn't seem concerned at all. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. The guy's just a control freak. VARIOUS SHOTS . not cool. loads Brownies into the minivan. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. but you know I have to do this. this is outta hand... 51. EXT. Zoe rolls her eyes. ZOE I know. She turns to Scott.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. kids everywhere.LIVING ROOM .CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. ZOE Dude. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. we're okay. I love you. JULIE It's only a few more days.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE .Seriously. PLUMMER HOUSE . . ZOE my cell. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess.

Not okay. He's still down there.they almost always do. Shane grimaces. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. CHEESE .. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. gasping. He's holding the diaper. SHANE . CHUCK E.not okay. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. and goes down for the diaper. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -.for a long time.LATER . is fine. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. SHANE Inexcusable. again. INT. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. S 52. move! Go go! EXT. Silence. Whoa. SUBURBAN ROAD .. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. The Manager is watching him. out away from him. He charges across the room with the diaper. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. move.. Suddenly.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. He holds his breath.. We see what he forgot: PETER... MANAGER Relax.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. the Brownies follow. to leave a man behind like that. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. freestyling in the ball pool -. He disappears under the balls -.Move.

He gets out -. EXT. jocks throwing footballs.KITCHEN .and groans in disbelief.then CRUSHES the ball. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. Shane takes Lulu. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.. we're gonna do this . Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. Outraged.. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. then RUN.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. Reeling. at a full run.. a total wreck. Shane snatches it mid-air -.. INT. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.. vents. Party's over.J.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. trying to understand. CLUB lock off the door. 53. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Scott. Peter and Tyler up the path. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. Now.'s turntables. windows. chugging drinks. PLUMMER HOUSE . making out. as he pulls up in the Minivan.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. peeing in the bushes. PLUMMER HOUSE . scared.

SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. labeled with a Sharpie. In a bathroom. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. They see Shane find the CD. as kids clean.. in Playtex gloves. and walk out of sight. INT..CONTINUOUS . Scott and Zoe. trying to maintain his dignity. mopping. Shane goes over them.then he notices something.. He holds it up to a KID. residue. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. he takes it off. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. Oh my god. through binoculars.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .NIGHT Shane inspects the house.. Miserable TEENS highway option. PLUMMER HOUSE . CUT EXT. ladies. He lifts the sofa.. PLOP. Scott gulps . A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. Shane's eyes narrow. Clean. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. furiously clean. way -. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. He fumes. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. It reads: GHOST. straightening -. He hands Scott the mop. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing.

Shane . ZOE . PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE You got barf on your tank top. outside the bathroom door. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. she pukes again. Shane hands her a handkerchief. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. furniture polished. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. INT.into the bathroom. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. you hate us. Lulu's crying. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. Scott's the last one to leave. ueasy. Zoe blows past him -.. and screams in Shane's face. helpless. Rambo. You're like a robot.. where she throws up. Shane stands. downstairs! He walks down the hall. After a beat.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. Thanks a lot. They show no respect for you or your house.. sits down. (Announces:) Company. He heads upstairs. Zoe gets up.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. My friends will never come here again. shaky and furious. Because you have no respect for yourself. PLUMMER HOUSE . CUT TO: EXT.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. ZOE I do too respect myself. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Zpounding on doors. Todd picks her up..

It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -.. SHANE Puberty. Don't worry. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. talking doesn't do any good. as soon as your mom comes back.the power goes out. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Not even from the enemy. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Suddenly. fiercely -.they're good. I'm not the man for this job. I'm gone. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified.. all in black BURST in through the window. Shane spins in fight-stance. close-quarters and fast. They leap down after him.. Suddenly -. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. The Ninjas attack. Wielding with great skill.. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Red 1. SHANE You're right.55.. tired) It's Scott. NINJA GHOST -.hand it over! staffs. Go to your rooms.the three fight. TWO NINJAS. He goes down. pounding him with their .. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS.

.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. They step back. avoiding Legos. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. blinding him. he hits a Ninja in the head.. it makes a silly thunk. WHACK. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.. and uses them both to fend off blows.. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. toys fly. facing them. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. PLAYROOM . SHANE Okay -.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. With his foot. The Ninjas move towards him -. Shane runs to the changing table. a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. a squeezes .the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. 56 INT. Shane fends the Ninjas off. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -.knocking him into. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo.. Shane crashes down. several FURBIES hit the floor. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.. and grabs it. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. He pulls the string. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS.then the Ninjas charge. and flings them all over the floor. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around.

Shane approaches Zoe's door. Todd and Zoe enter. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.. Kids. Shane isn't sure what to do. Shane bangs the window sill. terrified. Then.. blinded. TODD Who were they? What did they want... bawling. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. fearful. KICKING a Ninja in the chest.. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time.. He really hugs them. He runs to the broken window. He sprays it in Shane's face. He hugs them. HALLWAY . and Shane sees he's now alone. ANGLE .. . INT. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. The cloud dissipates. SHANE It's safe. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER.? SHANE They're looking for a program..SECONDS LATER Composing himself. It's okay.SHANE 57.. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. that your father invented.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone.then the door creaks open. You can open up.. He squints. quietly knocks. SHANE Shhh. he hugs Peter and Lulu. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. He A long pause -. disappointed to have lost them.

ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. relieved. 58. it's been a long night. SHANE They're not after you. From now on. Zoe answers it. INT. absolutely nothing pottery . Then. and do what I say.a long pause.they all jump. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. They shake -.. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive... He looks Zoe. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. Shane is furious -. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. Then. eye to eye. too. Shane offers his hand to shake.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. all smiles. startled. Soon.. as long as I'm here. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Deal? Truce -. And I'm not going anywhere. the other kids join in.then they hug him.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. CLOSE-UP . LIVING ROOM . He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. "Unchained Melody. you listen to me. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. I'll listen to you too. They want this. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. They hug him tighter.." And then.. But nothing's gonna happen to you. The kids shudder.

EXT. HOTEL ROOM . I'm gonna be sticking even closer.. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days.. We just don't know what its for.we'll be just fine.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59... They're gone. She holds up the strange. SHANE No .So soon? We were just starting to have fun. Plummer.. everyone's fine. It looks like some kind of "key". metal two pronged KEY.happened you should worry about. Don't worry -.MORNING Early morning. They were looking for GHOST. Nope. SHANE (very genuine) .it's okay. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. yes and no. . INTERCUT: INT. Shane takes the phone. But we're not sure what it is. You have any luck? JULIE Well. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. We found something in the box. students run in to school. but they didn't find it.. SCHOOL . The minivan pulls up. and Shane emerges with the five kids. two men tried to get into the house tonight. SHANE Mrs.

ANGLE on Shane. They look concerned. she wrecked a driver's Ed. and smiles at Shane. who sits in the back. EXT. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. So. Lulu's classmates all chant.. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. ANGLE on Lulu. HITS the gas. car -.. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. making a mess of an egg. MURNEY . LULU'S CLASSROOM . Shane stands off to the side. An obstacle course with cones. SHANE Don't worry.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). LULU'S CLASSROOM . He is gesticulating.she'll pay for the damage." Then.INT. reacting each time she HITS the gas. egg in some purple dye. Murney stands. I know it's good. ..MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. then BRAKES. shaking his head. "yeah..DAY Driver's Ed. Shane nods. THE GYM . Peter 60 She smiles. Principal Claire next to him. He dips an INT. a crazed TEACHER next to her.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. Zoe sits in a folding chair. sunglasses on. squashed at a little desk. mortified. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. then BRAKES. SCREAMING.

(pulls Shane aside. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he's the boy. and Shane walks them out. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.. He does always miss sixth period. No. And that's not all. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. SHANE He's not a NAZI.That? Lady drivers. it's not that -.. boys will be boys -. Shane stops. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. Murney calls into the hallway.. Shane scowls.. but -..I'm a bit concerned... Todd and Zoe stand to go. giving him a "skinhead" look. and I'm not sure what to do. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. But this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.. I was doing a little recon in his locker. what do you expect. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. Todd enters. what's going on. . 61.. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -.) See if you can talk to the boy. Shane gives Zoe a look..but this is just sick.yes. Zoe shrugs.

. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. MURNEY You're a good man. Shane. and Murney chases after him.. and leaps at Shane. SHANE I'll talk to him. we'll give these boys a treat. SHANE Another time. Without warning. and keeps walking. maybe. Kung team: Shane walks away. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Murney laughs. stretching. MURNEY It's a date then. kicking him in the BACK. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Shane trips forwards to his knees. 62.that whole family's no good.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. Shane walks the kids out.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. huh? (Shane ignores him. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. and leaves. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. I'll show you a couple moves. I promise I won't hurt you. as he passes.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . if you ask me.

It looks like Shane might fight. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. but instead he takes a deep breath. so the alarm didn't go off. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. preheat the oven. Todd runs towards the house. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. keeping the contact. PLUMMER HOUSE . TODD'S ROOM . you're in charge. but the Duck leaps up on the sill.. Shane hops out the window. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. Shane screws the window shut. It's pink. and snickers to his Team. SHANE Smart kid. INT. Murney his head. I want to talk to you. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Shane looks out the window -. with a flowered basket. EXT. SHANE Wait Todd. signal me. On the corner. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. The window is wide open. He starts to shut the window. Nothing. It's small for him.shakes Shane turns back. He enters. he can see Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. do your homework. He sees Zoe..far down the block. Keep all doors sealed.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. but he . running around the corner. Shane parks. and leaves. peering out her window.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU.. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. show's off. weird or something? 66 .. SHANE COMPANY -. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape..What if. Shane's glare. LIESL We don't have a director. TODD .. Shane straightens up. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. they quickly assemble on stage.. Todd looks devastated -. Shane looks at the Cast.. He smiles... BEAT. Liesl chimes in.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. it's over... Todd looks up at Shane.. or not? Everyone nods. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar...CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. Chicks dig guys who can dance. girls'll think I'm. they're not sure what to do. Shane shakes his head. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway.

SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.. BREAKING something. ZOE . LULU'S ROOM . I won't touch him. furious... PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE ...LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. I don't know why I let it get to me.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall.LATER . I promise. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. SHANE Okay.. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. Scott.Yes. angrily. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY ... INT. He peeks in -. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. Shane exits. It's stupid... YES WHAT? SHANE . another girl picked up the phone. I called him in his room. INT. He turns out the light. No wait! . He hears Zoe in her room. I know it's no big deal.

he illustrates. Uranium. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. (MORE) T S L 8. Let's see. on Lulu's floor... He sits on the bed. So -they waited for cloud cover.. Once there was a family of Elves. To find a secret three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. Stumped.. setting up the scene with DOLLS. The elves had to go in and take it out.. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -..Uh. Shane looks at her surprised. As Shane finishes the story. facility. ULU Tell me a story. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.. Went into the magic forest. the little Elf family -.Shane tucks Lulu into bed.. and they came in from the north. I 6 .

Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Then. The wails get louder and LOUDER. And you ain't got a chance..Rodriquez. Even. . Todd calls from the doorway.mean standing. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. from across the hall. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.. INT. Like dad used to do.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. We got `em all..... Lulu's fallen asleep.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . SHANE Oh. lower than the floor.. And not one Elf got left behind that day.. NURSERY . reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. head in the door. S 69.. I can't remember that thing.. TODD I'll write it down for you. and whispers to Peter.. TODD You have to do the dance. or he won't stop. Peter starts bawling. Peter WAILS. and do the Panda Dance. Shane sighs... He made it up for him.. the teeniest little elf of all -. c'mon.

just like the crabs do. She gets out in shock. terrified. He does the dance as he sings. They turn to Zoe. Lulu is next to him. Humiliated. T the A 70. (Tyler in the snuggle)..THE NEXT DAY As Mr.. Shane. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly.) EXT. SHANE Today you drive.Shane sighs. Peter applauds. Shane hops forward three times. GARAGE . through the mirror. . He sings again. and gets in the driver's seat. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. mortified. Shane crab-walks sideways.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan.MORNING . staring. Shane turns and catches Mr. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. The Kids sit bolt upright. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. (He does. Chun. with her Gameboy.. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Zoe realizes he's staring at her.. Chun gets his paper. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. PLUMMER HOUSE .

Keep going. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me... Shane is shaky.. Touched. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. S P . Exactly. but trying not to show it. I trust you.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Zoe backs jerkily out.ZOE But -. Shane is nervous.I can't even pass driver's Ed. no. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. jerkily. She pulls out. Zoe is surprised.. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. Lulu and Todd are terrified. not the road. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. The Kids share a dubious look. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle.. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. INT. MINIVAN .

WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables.. Next lesson.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. hey head into the school. 1500 hours. Suddenly -. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Claire strides into view. Shane jumps out of the car. trembling. ZOE Ha ha ha. SHANE Good. laughing. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. She's wearing a cute dress. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. with a few FRIENDS. and a little make-up. Broken promises lead to broken legs. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL.Claire BARKS out. the kids gulp and orderly march away.. INT. CAFETERIA . Shane lets him down and heads into school. Very funny. severe stare) Now. KIDS boisterously run past. Zoe smiles. being obnoxious. Shane spots something. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Before Scott knows what's happened. EXT.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Chastened. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Shane unclenches his teeth. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Shane's .71. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Scott's terrified. terrified.. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him.

SHANE hey eat in silence. and offers him a milk. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them.. Wow. too. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Suddenly. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. Shane leaps over the table. Principal Claire sighs "not again. him by the ear. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. She's waiting for him to say.. It's a miracle. you never know who you're going to run into. S T P .eyes alight. Noon and none of them have been called to my office.. He smiles back.. something. S he sits beside him. sailor? Thanks.. She smiles.." In one move. impressed. Love it when he does that. dragging . Shane`s not so good at small talk.

It opens Friday. Then: TODD I am not scared. I'm right here. What're you so scared of. No one's sure they heard him right... Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. TODD Hey. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Silence. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. MURNEY Winners never quit.. Talk. I quit.Murney shoves Todd forward. Todd looks. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Murney. Murney gets up in Shane's face. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Freak? The Students snicker. I want to sing. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. M 73. intimidated.. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. Yeah I do. . now it all makes sense. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. Murney turns around. MURNEY I've had it. boy.. I. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students..

Let's do it. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. He storms're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. swarm Todd. Murney did not expect to be called out.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school.and then a mob of Students. His voice cracks -. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. The Gym. You win. M urney looks over at the Team. protecting him. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. TODD There is a man in my house -. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. You suck. Your ass is mine.Shane steps them. They look to the ground sheepishly. taking flyers. The whole team wants to quit. Everyone is watching. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. So calm. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. it's scary S 74. There is a stunned moment -. and a lot of CUTE furious -URNEY So -. humiliated. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Todd's telling the truth.face to face. Murney looks around. baby sitter! Murney glares at him reads: .

and sweeps Murney -. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Todd cheers Shane on. Shane side-steps. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. WHAM. Murney bounds to his feet. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. hard. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. grabs onto Murney's waist. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. mumbling something. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands.sending him right into the wall." INT. The bleachers are PACKED. GYM . M URNEY on.BAM. 3:00. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Todd flops to the mat. rushes Shane. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Murney lands on his back. shocked. quietly twitching on the ground. and they head out. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . S 75.3:00 mat. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Murney. climbs to feet and CHARGES again.

No brownies edible. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. She gives him a thumbs up. TO: EXT. BUGS. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. I got my troops waiting. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. too. 76 SHANE either. TODD That was awesome. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. When I Rwanda. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . Todd. LULU We're Brownies. FOREST . Claire. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. that's all. They walk out. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods.Dislocated nerve. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. . The crowd cheers. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. If you're not sure. fascinated. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life.

The Kids don't get it. He signals her.we'll put Von Trapps here. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. in perfect tempo. NURSERY . he reaches out and rocks it. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him.. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. the Girls PUNCH. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. He laughs at his own joke.FRONT LAWN ...fascinated. Now the Nazis are gonna come in.she hits EVERY ONE -. PUNCH.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. Zoe . and. Shane holds a stopwatch.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. KICK. here. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE . In unison. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. He illustrates the stage directions. MALL PARKING LOT . in between punches. she burns rubber. The Duck watches all this -. INT. here at the top of the stairs. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows..." INT. EXT.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones.. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. PUNCH.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. KICK. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. OLD FACTORY .DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. MALL PARKING LOT .

is an empty page/that men will want to write on. Shane gives her a signal. PLUMMER HOUSE ..BACK YARD . she only clips one.. NURSERY .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. OLD FACTORY . in we WIDEN back. but doesn't fall.. INT. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. Hands a T . mercilessly.FRONT LAWN ..NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance." Lulu..out and weaves the cones.. ODD . They watch closely. blur. your life little girl.. MALL PARKING LOT .. EXT. EXT.3. EXT.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. INT. The Brownies attack. it teeters. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.DAY -"1.2. T I E 77. PLUMMER HOUSE . He counts begins wriggling free.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.

MONTAGE ENDS EXT. but blows it.he's got it down. Peter. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. He does a spin kick. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Graceful. INT.hard. NURSERY ." Singing and doing all the moves -. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing.huh? Now.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. SHANE I'm not your daddy. THUD! Gazelle. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. Again. he almost bursts into tears. He kisses Peter on the forehead. Peter. Todd tries the kick. daddy. Shane is so touched. now and then. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. Graceful. Then he tucks Peter in. 8. odd tries the spinning kick.EVENING . adding a James Brown flourish. Peter Panda. But sweet dreams. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.

The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. the Brownies have moved into a ready to a FLIP. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. wearing the double snuggle. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. S SHANE That's my troop. As he's comparing prices -. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. striking a cool pose. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. INT. see them. tying him. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. he lands on the ground hard. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. You're gonna have to pay for that. proud. The Scouts share a look -. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief.. He smiles. Across the lot. 9.. The .he sees.they LAUGH. she wraps it around his arm. scary. at their own table. The Scout struggles. FORMATION. the Other Scouts are scared. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. the Chubby Cub Scouts.MOMMY! She lets him go -. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. but like lightning. In one move.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. OE I never even got to say good bye. we're on the first plane in the morning. EXT. The phone rings. Shane answers it. HOTEL . She throws her arms around Shane. WITH: J INT.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. INT. A tear runs down Zoe's face. ANGLE . sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. BACK YARD . J 82.soldier. the kids are all abuzz.SHANE He's left alone. HALLWAY . talking excitedly.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . happy. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.

SHANE Just another assignment. hane rises. he Duck stares.. INT. unblinking. Shane sits in a lawn chair. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary.The house is dark. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. He pets the Duck. the Duck starts quacking. Shane turns. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Kids to play S . with. Shane sighs morosely.NIGHT hane turns the light on. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good.. GARAGE . scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Three squares a day. Gary sits in the next chair. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. your wings aren't clipped. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Suddenly. No reason for personal attachments.

shines it down the grate. and then it gives. No hinges or cracks. TO: to S 84.. Nothing.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. The Kids are watching his progress. INTERC UT: B harder. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. we see a CRANK WHEEL. The break in its surface is a strange.CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. GARAGE . He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him.. Shane steps down it. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. crack the lock all night. The wheel spins. he floor opens. Shane dials a phone. DISSOLVE INT. He's been trying. He tries muscles rippling.. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.. INT.. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . . Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. leading below the garage. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. only It's solid and inscrutable. Shane looks on stunned. Lulu hands him a tool.. unsuccessfully. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye.SHANE What happened.

can't crack it. MRS. excited. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. GARAGE . revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark.. I think I found GHOST.Lulu. CHUN CUT BACK .. It's in a steel vault. Through a window. Bill reacts. An ominous pause. he answers it. towards the neighbor's house. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. don't do anything further. GARAGE .CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. BILL .don't do anything `til I get there. pleased. Okay. Do you have it? SHANE No. Away from Shane. Bill's cell phone rings. We'll be there shortly -. sir. TO: INT.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. I've been trying all night.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel.. Except for -... After we turn this in to my CO. and hangs up. relieved. Silently spying on Shane. SEDAN .EXT. Then we slowly MOVE UP. GHOST. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. Everyone reacts happily. TO: INT. Julie sits beside him. She looks stricken. W e PUSH INTO the house..

in shock. Julie and Bill hop out. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.. HOUSE . I 85.they hear. so they probably trashed the place. comes into the dark hall.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . J JULIE'S P.. The rug is vacuumed. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left.: The house is spotless.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. in the next room. Shane -. Tongue-tied. JULIE'S HOUSE . INT. She trails off. KIDS VOICES . SHANE You guys better get ready. The fish tank is clear. LULU But.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. should be home soon. Lulu? You should be happy. Bill is carrying her suitcases..V. Kids singing a beautiful. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.O.SHANE He goes silent. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.. he has no answer.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door.

Julie goes to the. with songs they have sung. Dumb-struck. Bill steadies her.. INT. Julie starts bawling. for a thousand years. smiling. featuring Todd. Peter is fresh faced. She sees. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. KITCHEN . S SHANE Captain. 8 JULIE almost faints. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. The Kids rush forward and hug her. BILL (he smiles wryly. DINING ROOM . Across the room.. Lieutenant. Shane sees Bill enter. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. INT.. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.. mom. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. no dishes in the sink.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. ZOE Welcome home. She staggers to. then salutes back) Good job. Lulu has bows in her hair..CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME.. ( B 6.(singing.. a capella) . Zoe is in a conservative dress. picture- ..

pause) But I'll have to think about it. ILL I'm really proud of you. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. GARAGE . Sir.. Suddenly. Bill holds the pronged key. And I think I want to explore that some more. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.. reluctant.INT. Shane continues. BILL I should hope not. surprised. SHANE That's kind of you. Bill stops.. an ANGRY VOICE. Shane. S S 87. anywhere you want. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Don't get me wrong.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. all I've never known is the military. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . You just name it. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir.

. B 88.. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. confused. . while SLAMMING their heads together.. Chun comes closer. MRS.. Chun.when suddenly. There were delays. startled. hane takes control! He smiles. relishing a second of glory -.. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. startled. GUNS DRAWN.. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. Mrs. He turns. CLOSE-UP . He takes a submissive position. SHANE'S POV woozy.. Shane puts his hands behind his head. then passes out.. Shane shoots Bill a glance.SHANE Lights out. Shane peers in confusion. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. and Mrs. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms... and starts to fall. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.. reaching for Bill's key. He is losing consciousness.. he looks up as he drops. Disoriented. Things are spinning. Mr.Shane and Bill spin.

SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. They anxiously tiptoe. tied up. FADE IN: INT. and it CLICKS. They whimper.. INT. They THE VAULT! Spare.with me. livid.. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE.. You -. NURSERY .. Inside is a dark corridor. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. exit.DAY Shane lies unconscious. Chun) secures the room. scared. Julie glares. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. Charles trusted you. JULIE I trusted you. reaching. bright and white.BLACK. ILL North Korea pays better. with two . So did the Department of Defense. Peter has a JUICE BOX. then slides OPEN! enter. The door HUMS. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Bill checks the knots binding the children. closing the window shades. Bill and Mrs.. The Korean Man (Mr.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. The floor is covered with square tiles. GARAGE . Chun approach the steel door.. 9. Bill and Mrs. The Kids are furious. Beside the safe is a red switch. 8 Bill grins. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. Chun) Keep an eye on them. He GAGS the kids. (to Mr. INT.

MRS. Chun whirls -. Chun is Bokay.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. eyeballing them icily. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. then leans back against Zoe. had eyebrows. done. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No.SAME TIME Mr.S. The air is filled with an ominous. With a rapid blur of finger-work. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. Lulu frowns. Mr. INT. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. like a monstrous computer.. Chun guards the kids. Lulu "looks" scared. MRS. He sneers. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. as if she hadn't moved.. startled -.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. she unties Zoe! Then -. Bill eyes the safe.. horrified -. but the of her jacket is on fire. Mrs. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. CHUN But I've got some C4.needing a distraction. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.. But behind her back. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. She confidently strides toward the safe -. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. HOUSE . MR. CHUN Just.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd.. low-pitched HUM.. BEEPING. then Mr. Mr. Tyler GASPS. the Chun spins. It's set on ARMED.. off shoulder eyebrows. she hits her panic button! O. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" .the Kids look innocent. completely SINGED OFF. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. quickly assuming a fake bound position.

he steps closer. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Lulu SWEEPS Mr.. . slamming the door behind her. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Mr. Chun scowls.. Chun laughs: MR.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. when he's at her level. They untie Julie. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. BEHIND TODD . It HURTS. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Chun's leg. Chun's face.. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. CHUN That's cute. Mr. Chun's head. Mr. HAM without warning.. then. Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. he drops to his knees in pain. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off.W Z 90. Lulu runs. Skeptical. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun looks at Lulu. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. snake-like move.

NURSERY .. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY ... DONNGGG -. making a small hole.doorknob. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . INT. He yells out furious! MR. M E M 91. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. Bill lurches into view. FRONT DOOR .CONTINUOUS Mr.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT.but as Julie exits.. INT. Chun falls back from the door. NURSERY . his face COATED in white. they're trapped inside. He sticks his face out the hole. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF...CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. I INT.CONTINUOUS Mr. Chun punches the door. Chun's face. clutching her! The . INT. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. but the door won't budge. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. She SCREAMS.

as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. unsure. They start to run back. MR. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. INT.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.I've got the keys. speaking in Korean: RS.. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away.. . HOUSE .CONTINUOUS r.. Mrs. Chun THE RADIO. HOUSE . as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. She floors it. EXT. CHUN Chun falls. they're not going anywhere. then nod and run to the side are horrified. ARGHH! driveway. Chun listens to Mr. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.. MINIVAN . Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. Chun comes racing around the house -.

INT. Don't make me kill you too. lying on the concrete. a CRACKLING of static. It's getting old.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint.. INT. holding a military RADIO. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. VAN . BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. GARAGE .Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. Then. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. Julie GASPS. chilled.. gaining on them. leading her to the secret door.Charles didn't tell me about the room. oe runs a yellow. They step past Shane's body. B . as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Mrs. Chun exits the vault. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it.

93. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. ILL . He tries to pass them on the right. EXT. as Zoe drives.. ANGLE . It's B risky.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. half on the sidewalk. don't hurt the kids. ZOE . BUSY STREET .. everyone looks down. ill eyes him.Shane is standing in the doorway. just please don't hurt anyone. Chun zooming by.. Bill. The men stare down. Then -. Bring them back unharmed. to cut them off! INT. MRS. MINIVAN . my husband has question: MR.DAY The vehicles race.SHANE They look over -.. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. they might wreck. CHUN Mr. Surprised.S. He does something we can't see.) Bill. Do it. SHANE (O. Bill deciding if he can trust him. I'll get you in. emotional. Bill uncuffs Shane.. It's like a chariot race.he clicks "talk" on the radio.. BILL Change of plan.

Chun swerves and almost wrecks. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Zoe looks over. Mr. Exasperated. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Bill waits impatiently.. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Lulu starts PELTING Mr.What's taking you? 94.. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. It throws Mr. Chun SCREAMS. Chun off for a beat. . CRASH!! The kids cheer. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. crayons. INT. Peter laughs. Mrs. M R. and loses control. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them.. Mr. triumphant..MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. orange peels. Chun with debris: milk cartons. She Mr. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Shane is figuring his options. disoriented. Chun holds Julie. In the van. Hair spray. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window... PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly.. SECRET VAULT . Mr.

SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. go get it -. over one beam and ducking under another -. Peter. Shane leaps back. Shane SQUIRTS it. Lulu. ill cocks his gun. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Todd. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Watch. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward.A bewildered beat -. Shane steps forward . ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. Shane steps forward. in pain.. BILL Code or no code. sending him flying backwards. puzzled.. confidently: J B B 95 .then Julie pulls out a tube of Tyler! Bill reacts.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. . He speaks aloud. landing on his hands and knees.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Shane gets up. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Bill laughs.

He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). NOTHING HAPPENS. And you haven't got a chance. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . Julie relieved. fearlessly. Bill and Julie share a look -. just like the crabs do. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.they have no idea what he's laughing about. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. He thinks. Again -.. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. He takes a deep breath. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. Something she said.NOTHING HAPPENS. not quite centered to the room. and do the Peter Panda Dance.. He feels the Groove. Calmness comes to Shane's face. He steps sideway. across two tiles. CLOSE-UP . lower than the floor. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. then back: smiles. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. E 96 . . Shane he steps forwards. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. Shane LAUGHS sharply.. When you're down and low.SHANE Shane's thinks.

9 7.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. When he steps back -. and he catches up with the minivan -. They have my mom. not the brake. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside takes a while. BUSY INTERSECTION . EXT. Don't follow me! .just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. and our bodyguard -. Zoe blows past it. If he'd been standing.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. Inside is the Cute Cop. from the ceiling. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. The Squad Car's lights flash on. he'd be toast. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. Use the gas. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. 5-0. they're FLYING. his focus have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. ZOE Come on.

. I accept full responsibility. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. NECK-BRACE.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. Claire frowns. almost running it off road. INT.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. Shane jumps revealing a the corner.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. EXT. It's acid. at a safe distance.. My intelligence proved to be faulty. SCHOOL . SUBURBAN STREET . .. Then better jump quick. The Squad Car is on its tail. in a cloud of smoke. and speeds back towards her house. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. Following the chase. Zoe U-turns. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. but if I had more resources. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. concerned. She shakes her head. Squad Car turns around and chases her. EXT. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. the Minivan SPEEDS by. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. like there ain't no floor. 98. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. nervously. PLUMMER BASEMENT .the The She swerves into the Squad Car.. pool of liquid. Suddenly. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. is Mr. sliding forward.

Finally. sir. He lands in front of THE SAFE. 99. disgusted. You were always my best man. pulling Julie along." He jumps. It's a stand-off. almost done. She gestures back: you go. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. Shane scowls.and walks across the room. Bill signals for Mrs.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. He holds his breath just in time. "Just hold your breath. BILL Thank you. Shane.he waves his hand over the floor..we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. And you betrayed all of that. to calm down) Almost done. I knew you'd figure it out. to the left of the HOLE. The safe's red light turns green. Nothing happens. Bill takes a breath -. and jumps back. Beat. He's relieved -. Bill looks around. Chun follows. if you're willing to join up. BILL I'll take that as a "no. Chun to go first. Mrs. Whew. The whole room goes SILENT. The Booby Traps are disarmed.. Bill shrugs. Immediately. He flips the switch to DISARMED. All that we stand for. What do you say -. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. He nervously steps forward . BILL (CONT'D) You know." . and jump to the left.

her hair on end.. BILL None requested. head. MRS. She turns it. unrelenting. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.Bill turns to the safe. Bill is off guard. Bill is incensed. Something's not right. BILL (CONT'D) . You open it. Chun doesn't budge. Mrs. Nothing happens. Shane reaches for the safe. legs! He's crazed. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. then PUNCHES him in the gut. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. SHANE There will be no mercy. Reluctantly . And he's strong! shoves Shane back. shaking from the voltage.Mrs. Bill gestures to Mrs. I think you better open it. hitting Bill's arms. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. Bill LUNGES. SIZZLING.. Chun reaches out. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. . He starts to reach for the dial. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Chun.. and touches the dial. Shane shrugs. trying to read Shane's poker face. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. But suddenly Mrs. but Shane gazes coldly. then catches himself. I walked the floor first. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Relief. Chun LEAPS onto his back.... Full of himself.

he drops and FLIPS her. Shane shakes his head. connecting only occasionally. Shane narrows his eyes. Suddenly. which Shane deflects -. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.O. IN THE VAN. kick.they tangle like pro's. Bill is charging him. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. landing on his back in front of the safe. SIRENS wailing. SHANE You're a. everyone is SCREAMING. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. stumbles backwards across the room. SHANE .. OOF! Bill tumbles. chase after. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. terrible neighbor. saved. then whispers/sings.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. good night. But he's unforgiving. spin. delivering a series of hard punches. ANGLE . Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. unable to gain her balance. She smiles. tottering.. He jumps to his feet.. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. The Police Cars .BILL He steps over Shane. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. Shane tumbles. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. Say. It's clear the both have the same training. Shane COLD-COCKS her..! EXT. Shane struggles to lose her. They punch. knocking her out. She catapults. K. PLUMMER'S STREET . the wind knocked out of him. Leering mercilessly.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat.

a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. from the car. Cops surround them. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. HOUSE . Shane gently removes it.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. JULIE Thank you Shane. GHOST. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.O. The Kid spill out and run.101. The kids clamber from the van. SECRET VAULT . But it's too late. They look in silence.. grateful. Now we can go back to our peaceful. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think .SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. The garage door raises. smoke BURNING from the tires -. The van SKIDS. INT. It's finally over. Shane steps out. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. then look in the safe: Inside.and hits a tree. then BRAKES. Whoa.. SHANE ... The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. with their hands raised. Then -. She smiles at Shane.SAME TIME Total commotion.

CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Numerous.. Mr.) HIT THE GROUND!!! .CUTE COP FREEZE. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. as he turns his head. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.. Cops cover Shane and Julie. Chun stands inside the gate. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. CHUN (O. But then -.. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. vaults onto Chun.. Shane spins.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence.a CRAZED SCREAM.. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. He scoffs. Zoe. ZOE But. MR. officer. 10 2. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. you're in a lot of trouble. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST.S. helpless. triumphant. uh. and grabs the MR. Nobody is sure what to do. I suggest you call the FBI. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license.. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Even Chun is amazed. Now. Shane weighs his not so many options. The Cops are unsure what to do. Julie and Shane Freeze.. Silence. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. He's disheveled and manic..

Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. Shane talks with an F. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.B. ANGLE .B. INT. that was nice work. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. swelling with pride. SHANE Just doing my job. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around..CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.B. then walks off.B. F .rocket launcher. You're a one-man battalion. This chaos is unsolvable.I. F. COP I think I'll call the FBI. reaches for his radio. CLOSE-UP . Julie huddles with the kids. Agent. CLOSE-UP .SHANE He breaks into a big grin. PLUMMER HOUSE . AGENTS swarm the area. he .CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. 103. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. GARAGE . AGENT Mr.LATER F.I. watching the FBI Agents work.I. Shane examines it. Wolfe..I.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.

. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. say -. Zoe.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. And to tell the truth. fallen onto the floor.I want to say: I love you more than anything.. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. The Plummers hug each other. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. Lulu -.Yes. re-conning the situation. I'm on dry land. Julie. You tell me. THE PLUMMER HOUSE .. On. SHANE ..Maui? . I don't know. Mock-angry. a letter... right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. SHANE Well. 104. A tear comes to her eye. here. and Julie notice. Todd. Shane looks at her... from the safe. You're the superior office. Tyler. I'm kinda. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close... He looks at Claire. He looks around: at the family. Peter. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. and gather around. I don't see anything but reasons to stay.. Does it itch? Yes. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. Summer's almost here. then Julie found the key. I always have. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. She sees. Her siblings. EXT.

TIGHT . He puts them down. interrupting. Shane. Like he did. squeezing them off the ground. Zoe gives them a look -. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. I'm gonna .he hugs the whole family at once.his medal. come here you. Thank you.. For everything. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. sad.Sir yes sir. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. He wipes his face.. A long beat. P ETER Love you.he can't keep it in. Lulu turns to Shane. 105. Shane bawls -. She puts out her hand. Guess you have to go now. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. He squeezes her hand around it.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Your work here is through. The Plummers all approach. LULU This is it. to shake his. baffled..SHANE This is too much. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. SHANE Ah. ZOE But. Julie looks up. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . He starts to head off.. SHANE Claire beams.

and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. Todd spins. Scott: in a suit. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. A STANDING OVATION. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines." In the audience. Shane stands. In SLOW MOTION. They all watch.a Michael Jordan dunk. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. The performers take their curtain . beaming with pride. Shane watches with bated breath. rapt. Farewell. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. Julie watches in astonishment." Hearts swell. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. until he sits back down. even Murney. Claire: dressed to the nines. his hair combed. hit your marks. the little Brownie Troop. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. It's fantastic -. BACKSTAGE . You Are Sixteen begins. The AUDIENCE goes nuts.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. VICTORIA THEATRE.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. She is surrounded by her children. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06.

FADE OUT. Thundering applause.and the house goes on December 9 2010 . Shane smiles. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. touched.-The. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. THE END http://www. Mission accomplished.calls. He humbly steps into view -.

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