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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
Plummer screams. terrified. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles.. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. INT.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. He's gone. As the water rises. United States Navy. to the roof. . My way -. One of our SEALS calls out to them. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. hauling the Professor up. When it finally opens. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. they're almost out of ammo. He cuts the Professor's GAG. I'm gonna get you outta here. when I say it.no highway option. But you have to do exactly what I say. but can't get free.. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. EXT.. He tries force the door open. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. ON THE DECK . SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.. Up to his nose. PLUMMER How did you know where I. Shane removes his mouth piece. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water.SIMULTANEOUS 4. SHIP'S HOLD . Do you copy? (Plummer nods. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. him his oxygen.. over his head.
5. more!" They do. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. OCEAN'S SURFACE . He .. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. holding the Professor. pulling the Professor in behind him.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN..CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. HELICOPTER . and pulls himself. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER .MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. SHANE INT. clearly he loves this kind of day. INT. HELICOPTER . terrified. INT. EXT. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. then disappear gracefully back into the water. SHIP'S HOLD . SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. Shane takes a deep breath. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Hold on. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.
Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk.. We have to keep moving. thank you. CHARLES I'm safe. CHARLES Lieutenant. She thinks I'm dead.. Please. Not imperative to the mission.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter.. Lieutenant. MOUNTAIN CLEARING .beside him. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. shutting him up. . (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. PLUMMER Oh my God. how'd we. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative.. the Professor looks terrified.. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. I'm just not big on chit chat. EXT. I can't believe you. That was the most incredible. waits. rotors whirling slowly.. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. Charles stops Shane.
. INT. Peter. and talks. WHAM. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code... Shane looks at him. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case... PILOT sits. knocked unconscious. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids.. Lulu. SHANE We're almost ready. Charles dials his cell phone. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. that's my specialty. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. puzzled. DEAD. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. All goes . then hands him his satellite phone. back to him. PAVE HAWK . Todd... The briefcase pops open. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. It's voice activated. I do security. Tyler.Charles picks up his briefcase. RUN!!! black. Charles dials.. Shane considers. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. you want to see it? Negative. Designed it myself. I'm alive.couldn't crack it.. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. Shane drops. I have a picture of my kids in here.
His arm and face bandaged. He takes a long look at Shane. SHANE . unassuming. And a good friend. You're the best man I ever trained. Everything is ablaze. EXT.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. but he does it anyway.. He sees Charles. Shane reaches out.it hurts to salute. as the chopper ignites. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. in slow-motion. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. SHANE'S P. He holds a REPORT in his hand.friendly.: Everything is a blur.V. unconscious.. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. There is huge explosion. barely conscious. sir. Captain. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . Bill sits down beside the bed. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.7. I know sir. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. He looks around.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. and takes Charles' Briefcase. PAVE HAWK . BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. A Huey Helicopter lands. HOSPITAL . HOSPITAL . grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -.O. despondent.
SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.T. appreciate your confidence. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. It's not that kind of mission.. 8. Bill shakes his head.H.T. He pulls up a chair. Thank you. disconnects an IV... A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. and starts to rise. Shane sits up.a genius.S. BILL Not a surprise. Invigorated.. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for.SHANE He had to call his family..S. I'm gonna need the mini sub.H. he pulls off bandages. SHANE Sir. . SHANE The case was empty sir. really. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. disappointed. as I stated in my report.. He can't believe his good fortune..O. Then. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. Bill considers this. and sits opposite Shane.. I. BILL . (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.O. is still out there. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. G. He called it G. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.
. top to bottom. SHANE'S APARTMENT . And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.H. CHARLES (O. is in that house. call Lt. Shane is surprised. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. I got a call from the professor's wife. Either way.. Whoever killed the professor must think G. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -.Shane listens.T.. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.. Shane Wolfe.S.. maybe it isn't. Widow. CUT TO: INT. She told me someone had broken into her home..O. Maybe it is.) Honey. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. I've never been very good with kids..NIGHT . I'll call you in an hour. The family's scared.S. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. presses play. anyway. hearing the dead man's voice. I'm alive. I need someone to stay at that house. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. BILL . Shane is shocked. I love you..if anything happens to me. I should go. intrigued. sir. and protect them. Not even when I was a kid sir. (MORE) 9. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.. sir. It's just that. Searched the place. He's a good man.. BILL The professor's wife requested you.
night vision goggles. identical to the one he wears. also identical to the one he wears. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat.. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. It SQUEAKS. peering up at him.. Shane double-checks the address. Shane's P. Hm. EMALE VOICE (o.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. Shane looks down -. Shane looks like a bad ass. 10.s. Lulu eyes Shane. He rejects it. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.O.Shane packs his duffel bag. . we're not interested. machete. ready for anything.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. 8. EXT.and sees LULU. Shane eyes Lulu. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. SUBURBAN STREET . Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. they all go in. WE hear TINY FEET approach -.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. camouflage vest..then the door swings open. Shane heads to the door. He looks at for a moment. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. He reaches in. Shane frowns. and pulls out a small. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. with toys all over the lawn. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM.. The sprinklers go off.V.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
listening to the conversation. We slowly pull out. entersJULIE I'll be there. The phone RINGS inside. I think it could contain GHOST. Helga will . Helga and the Kids in the doorway.) Julie. it's Bill Fawcett. Swiss law says only his family can access it. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. I have some potentially good news.. Julie and Shane share a look. Julie casually answers it.. through the kitchen window. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property.. LIVING ROOM .) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.. This could all be over! BILL (o. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. Shane.s.s. with her suitcase. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . JULIE That's wonderful. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. BILL (o. INT.Nighttime -. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.MORNING stand hug Julie. INT.s.NIGHT Shane. JULIE What is it? BILL (o.) There's a catch.the family eats dinner. Through the window. 14.
And on the back door. No. it's just. I'm gonna miss you. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. And on the phone. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children.. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. Mrs. I am a mom. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Plummer. Helga will take care of everything else. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. H S .. . do it. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.... I love you guys. I'll be back in 48 hours.handle everything. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. are you licensed to kill? . (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. it's my job to worry.. ZOE Mom -. SHANE Don't worry. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble.. chill. And guys.we'll be fine.. HELGA Everything will be fine. They'll be safe with me...
pouring in Cheerios.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. can't find him. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Shane shakes his head.. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. Shane turns off the light. on a short ladder.WHRRP! Shane ducks.. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. Shane heads down the hall. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. He shuts off the - .he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN..NIGHT hane rushes in -. elga stomps out...and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. when in the corner of his eye -. looks around for the CRYING BABY.s. You do something. INT. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .NIGHT Shane.. SHANE (CONT'D) . S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. Immediately.. INT. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.5. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. I make bottle. Gary suddenly FLIES by .
SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. He's dazed. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. come on Scott.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. tool. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.window alarm and sneaks out silently. ZOE Okay. I'll call you. ZOE He's my boyfriend. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.. They both tumble to the ground. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.BACK YARD . Zoe! . jumps onto the trampoline. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Not with this kid. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door.. Shane runs. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. S COTT . EXT. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. house like a marionette.go back inside. Zoe -. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. Shane LIFTING him in the air.. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager.. . He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.. calling out from across the street. runs off. fine. 16. but alright..
The Alarm's still blaring. pop their heads out. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. I INT. no accent) We speak English. CHUN Thanks a bunch. CHUN . Shane stands there. CHUN (perfect English. fuming. SHANE MRS. The alarm stops.. we own a bakery.NIGHT . Oh. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. so we're up kind of early. Oh.Zoe storms inside.. and we found this in our pool filter. MR. SHANE My apologies. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. THE CHUNS.. Sorry. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. We had an intruder.. huh baby-sitter? Mr. Shane addresses them. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane's about to head inside. MR. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. Look.. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Kojak. A simple misunderstanding..
Shane marches back down the hall. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Loud.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. He "hops" her down the hall to her room.s. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.) sing). where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. Zoe falls backwards into the room. to not fall over. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. SHANE Not anymore.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. continues down the hall. Bite me! Shane frowns. She has to hop on one foot. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. ZOE Who do you think you are -. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. S W 1 8. . lower than the floor.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. Shane shuts her door. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. You should have told her the truth. Shane flips her foot in the air.
PLUMMER HOUSE . keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. and do the Peter Panda Dance. warm orange light. in bed -. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. HOUSE . to their beds. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. . a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. INT. She does.laugh and laugh. he wriggles on the floor. In the bedrooms. Three steps forward. T Z Z T 19. Peter in his bed. The Children.groove. Then jumps up. just like the crabs do.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. EXT.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. one step back. Shane shakes his head. then "crab-walks" sideways.
L Move. Suddenly his door flies open -. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. You're insane. motionless. The Whistle GETS LOUDER.. S . half-asleep and angry. Not in front of the kids. Todd blinks groggily.m.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. Move. Helga runs through in hair curlers. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. ODD It's Sunday. 20 .. HALLWAY . Covering their ears.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. INT. carrying the crying baby. TODD'S ROOM . disoriented. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. oe is wrapped in blankets.MORNING Todd sits up. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. not understanding what's happening. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. like she's been electrocuted. Todd pulls the blanket over his head.odd is out cold.
.LATER The children are assembled. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. KITCHEN .do you.. in Romanian. shocked. HELGA (She curses Again.. . INT. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. ladies. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. sucking on a bottle.) Shane's jaw drops.. L 21. lined up tallest to shortest.do you. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. Your behavior is unacceptable. No highway option.he gives him a look of disbelief.
Red 2.. Red Leader. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Now that I know I can't trust you. ZOE He's in his room. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Shane bangs hard on it. Everyone cracks up. but it's locked. SHANE Tracking devices. Never take them off. Red baby. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. wait.. So you are -. End of chain. S ULU (CONT'D) . I tell you what to do -. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.. Shane bounds up the stairs. Everyone stares blankly -. Angry.and you do it. He tries the knob. The panic button is only for emergencies. ZOE I am not wearing that.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. he's furious.you better be dying. Touch that -. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. P eter farted.a tense silence. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. where's the older male? There were five. He yells at her.. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Shane tries to maintain decorum. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.(pointing) Red 1. or you're dead.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door.
.they glare at Shane. PLUMMER HOUSE . Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.NIGHT The bathroom door opens.a FLUSH. the destroyed door and wall.. Zoe comes up the stairs. to her room. INT. The entire frame collapses. patrolling. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.22. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed.. this wouldn't have happened. I can fix this. A piece of the ceiling falls. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. Shane steps aside.. She stops at Todd's door -. INT.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. He has to go. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Down the hall -. He sees Shane. HALLWAY . Oops.MORNING . then CRASHES inward. and Todd comes sauntering back. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. If you'd been wearing it.LATER ZOE . INT. Todd nods in agreement. and head down the hall. hits Shane on the head.
PAPERBOY (O. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. HALLWAY . Peter Booos again. He pretends to be a ghost.the rumble of a car approaching.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. He said there's a ghost. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. just as -.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose.WHACK -. to see that Peter is chasing her. clicks his alarm remote opens it. His head shifts. he hears something suspicious -.S. LULU This house is haunted. Lulu hides behind Shane.LATER . Peter! screams. He rushes for the front door. wearing a towel as a sheet. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. Really? His eyes light up. Shane turns. INT. hard. Daddy even said so. I don't know. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. And then it hits Shane. hey. L S 23. Lulu SHANE Hey.
inally.a creak. all the way down. F . When he hears an alert from his laptop. carrying a huge laundry basket. Searching. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.Shane walks slowly down the hall. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.. Then -.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. I INT. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. then turns his attention to his laptop. She screams. appears.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. He goes back to the living room. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. feeling.. Nothing. BANGING her head and ass on each step. scanning the ceiling.. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. as laundry flutters down from above. He RAPS again.ZOE AND TODD . Shane scans it. T IGHT . takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. ZOE Here he comes. pushing. listening for hollow spaces. STAIRWAY . 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. MR... Zoe whispers.
til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. this is an urgent matter.DAY Bill and Julie. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. mouthing along in FRENCH. Bill can't stand it anymore. The Banker looks at him blankly. Then looks back to the paperwork. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. They wait patiently -. He licks his finger again. Not in Switzerland. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. It's taking him a LONG time. . ZOE Uh-oh. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He feebly gets up. INT. EXT. If we can't get some faster service. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. but can't get the page to turn. 25. I can't. BANKER Marcel! out. He seems to be about 100 years old. terrified. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass.They gulp. He jumps to his feet. SWISS BANK .DAY Establishing. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. SWISS BANK . we're going to have to file a complaint. looking jet-lagged. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. then licks his finger to turn the page.
HELGA I am calm. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. How long is that? INT.SAME TIME Helga. grabbing her foot. Shane moves for the phone. The suitcase handle breaks off. Peter's in the aquarium. I QUIT. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. enters. He grabs her suitcase.Another Banker. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. remain calm -- 26. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. and Helga dashes for the door. Suddenly. But I can tell you -. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. the chief does not speak English. PLUMMER HOUSE . RING! Amid the chaos. He DRAGS her back. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. Oui.you will have access to the box tout-suite. As soon as your background checks clear. suitcases in hand. SHANE (CONT'D) . As she tries to wrestle it away. QUACKING. Shane dives. heads to the door -. Shane picks up the receiver.Shane tries to block her path. JULIE Thank you. MARCEL. The duck flies around.
.Helga falls forwards... Duty.everything's fine. Mrs. Shane hangs up the phone. HOUSE . 27. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Helga struggles to get him off. Shane lets go. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Shane body-checks it closed. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do.. He picks up his hand. Plummer. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Just doing my. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. CRUNCH. EXT.Ah. that landed on a diaper. Mrs. (covering the phone. and Shane falls back. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. against the counter. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. Helga scampers out the door.
The 28.he slowly glances up. listen up. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. dumbfounded. . LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon.. ANGLE . SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. In the meantime. HOUSE . baby cries. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. INT. Helga glares back. There's been a change of plans. takes a deep breath and strides inside.SHANE Rises. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. if she loves you. we're just gonna have some more big fun. to find the kids are all gloomy.. ANGLE . He drops his head. defeated. SHANE Okay. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. in the rear window. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. she'll come back.Helga jumps in the cab. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day... Then -.
SHANE He gulps. I'm Navy. BATHROOM . takes a deep breath. nice moment. your enthusiasm. INT. inundated. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. And then -. Using the tools as chopsticks. All for one. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. Only then can we rise to the challenge. everyone bolts from the room. Pure self-preservation. holding his nose. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. 29.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER..it flops open.. SHANE Whoa. Until -. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. HEY! Even Peter runs. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. . Nobody will help.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. SShane GROANS. CLOSE-UP . repelled.
. HALLWAY . I think you're cute. then FLUSHES. like a puppy. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. over and over and over.he can't do it. INT. Lulu follows at his heels. she just stares at him. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative.) Thank you. Lulu doesn't go away. 30. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.. SHANE (unsure how to respond.SHANE The things I do for my country. Lulu is in her pj's. She follows. Shane tries approaching -. he looks down to see Lulu. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. he looks around for a solution. LULU Hi. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Aghast.. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk.
confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. And I've survived off this stuff for months. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. Lulu looks at him. Todd. INT. Shane smiles. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. All the lights are out.it's time for you take a nappypoo. and shuts off her light. . LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar.BREAKFAST . proud of his accomplishment." dubious. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. 31. KITCHEN . and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. all the kids asleep. I can get lots more of those. and patrols. little girl. pulling down the shades on every window. like he's an idiot. The Kids stare at "breakfast. The kids sit down at their designated spots. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG.Shane walks room to room. in beddibye land.
. ZOE He's only two. then at Tyler -. you stay in... crying. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. Shane answers. all for one.. Shane turns to Lulu. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.is not here to take care of you now. So -. ladies. (then:) Yes.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. dancing.. if I say out.. you go out.. one for all. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. He runs away.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs... Peter stands in his chair. Wanna see? Negative. If I say in..here's how it's gonna be. trying to hear over the screaming. Peter starts bawling.. too. Your mama -. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. LULU . And the phone rings. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. The table cloth is yanked to the floor.. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. . I can cross my eyes. We're gonna pull together. Shane sighs. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.
. The Minivan skids completely sideways. It just doesn't add up. SHANE Not on my watch. innocently. He hangs up. He said if you're late again. Oh. perfect parallel park.p. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. Zoe smiles at him. He wants to see you in his office.9:29 A. GARAGE . A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. GARAGE .. Shane fumbles with it for a while. sir.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. With your . EXT. yes. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. and at that . Thank you. Across his chest.. LULU We're gonna be late. dramatically unveiling Shane." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. legal guardian. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.h. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. I know it's Monday. A big suburban school.. INT.. EXT.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street..a death defying. backwards at sixty m. into a TINY parking spot -. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE.. It hits ZERO. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. you and Todd are expelled. INT.M.
. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. son? SHANE Wolfe. Out of twenty-three.. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. She's attractive. You're in my house now. Murney is furious.P in charge of discipline. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. They're the worst students in my school. Looks like Mrs. Well. a few days. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. as he plays on the floor. boy. mortified. Lieutenant. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). The Kids are seated around him.moment. I coach wrestling. conduct and truancy. V. whatever work you can get. Top to bottom. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Shane. too. The Kids crack up. Plummer finally listened. holding Peter on a harness. I'm Murphy. He withers. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Duane. Murney is unimpressed. tough. He glares at Shane. K thru 12. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. He's HUGE and mean. . MURNEY aby-sitter huh. they needed a parole officer. assured.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. What are you doing in my office. impressed. I think I can handle this from here. The opens the door for Murney. He exits. (then. She told me all about you..and suddenly reacts. Claire sees this -.. 34. Good. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . Red 2.. Plummer. Principal Claire eyeballs him.two little red DOTS move away. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. I am in charge of. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Get moving. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Mrs. Lieutenant.. as he casually holds the three kids.. staring him up and down. SHANE Red 1. Shane checks his TRACKER -. fuming. BELL rings. Plummer called my captain. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. You see.Good morning kids. that as vice principal. The teens hustle off to their classes.
The 35. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Just try not to frighten the children. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.. Courage.. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.(Shane nods... SHANE "Honor. to balance Shane. So.. That's the way I live my life. and the way I run my school. She lifts her pants leg. SHANE . A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. SHANE . JUMP CUT TO: EXT. SHANE Can't be too careful. Service paid for my college.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. Claire looks nervously around. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Welcome aboard.. On the spot. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS..MID-MORNING seeShane. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. dead serious.
SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. INT.last time: Open the hanger. Shane closes the computer.O. turns her back to him embarrassed. yanks his hood over his head. Official Business.V. Lulu sees Shane and waves. SHANE Give up now. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. two. CAFETERIA . Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle.Clean as a whistle. like a tether ball. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw... with stern intensity. Beside Shane. sitting in the back row of a class. with a group of HIP FRIENDS.. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. He turns to the person front of him. Save us both a world of pain. 36 . Todd. Todd. Black Hawk coming in. one. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness.. in line to get lunch. BINOCULARS P. He checks his tracking device. Now -.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. does the same.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. .O. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Zoe. delighted. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.V. picks up a pair of binoculars. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.
He yanks Tyler away from him.) Shane. man. When you agreed to serve your country.. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray.. Seriously.. I'm impressed. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble.. (she toasts. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Can I call you Shane? . You're on dry land. not so dry where you're sitting. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. Tyler laughs. SHANE Hey -. lieutenant. Principal Claire smiles.Tyler gurgles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. 37. you don't. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Shane sighs.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. Sure. with milk. Claire smiles. A whole day. . (she looks at his chair) Well. you know.I out rank you.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. huh? Shane gives her a look. Mr. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.but you're pretty good at this. Oh. ignoring him. I guess. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids..
One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. Look at him.That's. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. I don't care who starts it. (Todd) 38. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. LUNCH-LINE . but not stopping it.. MURNEY The kid's mixed up.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. in the crowd. and the sound of Students in an uproar. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. Murney smirks. cheering. MURNEY He did. Zoe. impressed. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. As soon as they see the Principal. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. and "punches fists" with him.. the crowd freezes. MURNEY You heard the lady. unusual.. Personally . next week's tournament is off. INT. VP Murney is watching. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again.
Sorry. Frogman -.. man. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite.Todd lands on his feet. Todd lunges at him.I'm a black belt myself..I think that's a little harsh. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team.. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it.total control. I forgot you had to baby-sit. (low. stopping an inch from Shane's head. He'd kill you so fast. sir. MURNEY Pretty slick.. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Murney. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. yeah. Todd shakes him off and heads to class.. Murney approaches Shane.. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. 39 . SHANE . flinch. Don't even think it. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. sticking the landing. I'm on duty. SHANE . That's right. what do you say? Come on. promise I'll go easy on you. MURNEY Oh. Boys'll be boys. Nice moves. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Maybe you could stop by practice. the crowd breaks up. The Bell rings. . Maybe some other time then.
Panicked. 40. following his tracking device.. INT. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Just then. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.. It leads him to a door. Roger that.change him.. for one who'll eat. Shane recoils in disgust. But. Then Shane smells what she means -. SHANE Oh -. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM .INT. Emergency! SHANE INT.CONTINUOUS . doing a shoulder roll. The Principal strolls up. minus taxes. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Uh. holding Tyler out like a grenade. and not cry.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. Have fun.Tyler's diaper is full. Bathroom's down the hall. SCHOOL HALLWAY . Not my job..CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . Lt. as he keeps watch. another dollar twenty. He bursts though it.. Tyler is crying.
I INT.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. EXT. HALLWAY . BUSY INTERSECTION . Shane makes a right. SHANE EXT. At that moment. He blasts through a red light.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . through the fence.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. Lulu is in front of the class. almost tipping the minivan. racing down the road ahead of Shane. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. but the FINAL BELL rings. They make a sharp right.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. are heading away from the school fast. with the Panic Button in her hand. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . Thanks. Shane is furious. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. EXT. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. 41. He speeds away after them. CONSTRUCTION SITE . EXT.the Class applauds. He hands her to the Principal. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. Shane lands in fight stance -. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. He leaps out of the minivan.
Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. INT. you're about to get a beat down. Shane pries off the manhole cover. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. He catches his breath. It's horrific. SQUISHY footsteps. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -.It's dark and dank.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. then checks his tracker. He winces. ANGLE .LIVING ROOM . IN THE MANHOLE .the DOTS are CLOSE. Shane lowers himself down. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER.then gasps -. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. PLUMMER HOUSE . CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. . to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. they hear the front door open. Shane easily takes them out.SHANE He's alone. all brandishing tools.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. INT. From outside. He takes a deep breath and dives under. feet away. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. and charges through. then checks the tracker -. and the sound of OMINOUS. Shane trudges through the river of muck. No sweat. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.then RUN. SEWER .section.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. Three Workers rush him.
thank you.b. Call.. The smell is BAD.. looking like a Swamp Creature. use our nonemergency number.. The Cop turns to Shane. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. weird hair. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. CLAIRE I should probably get going then.LATER Shane is in the shower. then covers their noses. Todd stiffens. INT. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. The Cop leaves. . CUTE COP 14 year old Male. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. he doesn't say anything. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. Zoe fixes her hair.Then the door swings open.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. Everyone gasps. INT.. Zoe checks him out as he goes. Covering her nose. 16 year old female. revealing Shane. Ditto. . The Cop looks at them. If you need anymore help. 43 INT. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. BATHROOM . Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. She practically GAGS as she passes him.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. with a smirk. KITCHEN .p. BACK YARD ..
LULU We have to. pulling Lulu after him. If we don't sell enough cookies. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. He looks at it. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. INT. LULU I can't. they're staring at him. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. They already think I'm a loser. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. They won't be home `til ten. it's Monday. close to tears.Shane enters.. cringing in disgust. The Brownies applaud. in just a towel. Shane..all junk food. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. and whistle.a dozen little girls in uniforms. we can't go the Jamboree. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. (whispers:) Come on. And it's not like I have any other friends. Monday. SHANE (O. He sees on the fridge.S. You gotta help me out. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. Mom's our den mother.) Get rid of them. 4 . FAMILY ROOM . 4. Lulu starts to sniffle.
wait here.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. getting ready to go. LIVING ROOM . KITCHEN . INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane. Indian Style. Zoe's on the phone. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. INT.. He's not just locking them -.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. he's a total psycho. back in "uniform. Now -. INT. Tonight. the other to his back. SHANE Alright. then drills it into place. ZOE'S BEDROOM .. at attention. BROWNIE Den Mother? ." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. Shane sighs. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. SHANE Good. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. I'm scared of you. unpacking boxes of cookies.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room..we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. do as I say. They are assembled. Shane blows passed her. I'm gonna be your den -commander. . yeah. Here's how it's gonna be. ladies. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it... ZOE . then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -.Lulu's about to burst into tears.
He sees: a huge.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. I can see you through the window.5. the camera CRANES up to. No.. DRIVEWAY .. He smiles. hits speed-dial.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. SHANE I gotta get supplies.PARKING LOT ..MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. but they're .. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. EXT. GROCERY STORE . ZOE .. INT. Scott.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. Snack packs. GROCERY STORE . 4 EXT. NOTHING looks familiar -. as he pushes a cart into the store. GROCERY STORE .. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know.. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway.. He looks around at the bright.nothing even looks like food. GROCERY STORE . I dunno if that's a good idea. nuts?" EXT. Zoe picks up the phone. he's got us on lock-down."what are you.. it's like Oz or something. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. but if anything happens.. Tyler looks at him -. EXT. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM.. (she listens:) Hm. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside.
In their place are the Chubby Scouts. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. EXT. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. but can't get away.. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. Finally. The Cub Scouts high-five. you Skeever? ..MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.noticing very shy.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. I haven't seen anybody. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. He rips it open.. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.. chubby CUB SCOUTS. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.she tugs and tugs. clutching their boxes. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle.. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . they're back. and lets her go. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. . One of the Brownies spots something. He laughs. before I get my face punching badge on you. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. One The Brownies take off running. GROCERY STORE . menacingly.. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.
Get in the car.22's. PARKING LOT . He wears . Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . and points at Lulu's Panic button. we're going home. you're supposed to take us to dinner. CHEESE . He firmly tells Lulu. He bends down.2ND SCOUT Nope. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. The Brownies are huddled behind it. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Not cookies. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. Where? SHANE INT. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. 47. Cheese MANAGER. CHUCK E. Around his neck.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. If I don't come back -avenge my death. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. The Brownies scream.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. I'm here to protect you. EXT.A LITTLE LATER . trembling. Shane's monitor starts beeping. He heads toward the Scouts.
the Chuck E. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. playing video games and ball. skee Brownies are running around. Cheese! Wider reveals.braces and head-gear. On stage. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. which causes him to lisp. Cheese automaton band JAMS. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. The Manager approaches Shane... MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated.. Shane's watching Peter.CHAOS. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. ... SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. this much cyanide. A LITTLE LATER: 48. This much The Manager laughs. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. Lulu approaches. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL.
stretches.. LULU The Hulk can. Then he a joy stick. Unless you're scared.she pins him to the ground. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Shane even get one punch in -. He cracks his knuckles. and then a kick in the face. He checks over his shoulder -.LULU I pressed two player. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. then cracks her in half over his knee. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Shane is taking it really seriously. He's really mad. Lulu screams out with her fighter. My joystick's broken.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. kneels on his head. I thought you liked combat. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Lulu picks a small female character. . Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. SHANE That's not fair. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. They begin. He steps up to the machine. The second round starts. spins her. then kicks him in the face. Round three starts. Nobody can jump thirty feet.. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 .
.. Lulu's having fun now. He is KO'd.stop worrying... the Zhouse is quiet.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. It's really annoying. Shane's working the joy stick hard. but he can't hit her. swing and a miss.... She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE..take a shot. LULU Too slow.. She keeps dancing. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. oops too slow.. swinging and missing. INTERCUT WITH: INT. LULU You're not even trying. He and the Brownies sneak away. it's my job to worry. jumping. HOTEL ROOM . LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. ZOE Mom -. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter..LIVING ROOM . its joystick dangling by its wires. leaving the sizzling machine.. dancing. ZOE . come on -.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. while he pounds the buttons. Shane's really fuming. slamming buttons...CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. 50. Sparks fly. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. INT.
we're okay.LIVING ROOM . Tonight I'm just doing homework -. ZOE I know. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. PLUMMER HOUSE . we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. .Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. MALL PARKING LOT .Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. kids everywhere.Seriously.The Plummer House: . INT. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. JULIE It's only a few more days..CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle).CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. 51. And the folks who read my BLOG. up. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. Zoe rolls her eyes. I love you. ZOE Dude. The guy's just a control freak. but you know I have to do this. everything's cool. Don't worry.. VARIOUS SHOTS . not cool. loads Brownies into the minivan. counting them. who doesn't seem concerned at all. I hate leaving you. ZOE Dude. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . She turns to Scott.in my cell. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. this is outta hand. EXT.
and goes down for the diaper. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. CHEESE .. the Brownies follow.. Whoa.they almost always do. SHANE Inexcusable. MANAGER Relax. He charges across the room with the diaper..for a long time. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. move. The Manager is watching him. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. SUBURBAN ROAD . move! Go go! EXT. Suddenly.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. SHANE . CHUCK E. again. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look.LATER . out away from him. He's still down there. He holds his breath. We see what he forgot: PETER. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. freestyling in the ball pool -. S 52.not okay.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. INT.. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. He disappears under the balls -..Move. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. He's holding the diaper. Shane grimaces.. gasping. Silence. Not okay. to leave a man behind like that. is fine.
peeing in the bushes. Scott. Shane takes Lulu. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't.. Party's over. Shane snatches it mid-air -. scared. He protectively guides them past the craziness -.then CRUSHES the ball.and groans in disbelief. as he pulls up in the Minivan. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. trying to understand. a total wreck. Now.. windows. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. we're gonna do this .. PLUMMER HOUSE .. then RUN. vents. Peter and Tyler up the path. jocks throwing footballs..until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. making out.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Reeling. at a full run. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.'s turntables. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. EXT. INT. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D..NIGHT Shane is exhausted. chugging drinks. He gets out -.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere... Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. PLUMMER HOUSE .J. Outraged. 53.KITCHEN . CLUB lock off the door.
Scott gulps . He holds it up to a KID. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. It reads: GHOST. Scott and Zoe. INT. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. Clean. furiously clean. he takes it off. He fumes. They see Shane find the CD. through binoculars.no highway option. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. CUT EXT.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. PLUMMER HOUSE . The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. Shane goes over them. Miserable TEENS scrub.. residue. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S.. trying to maintain his dignity. He hands Scott the mop. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. straightening -. Shane's eyes narrow. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . ladies. and walk out of sight.my way -. He lifts the sofa. as kids clean.. In a bathroom. PLOP. Oh my god.CONTINUOUS . labeled with a Sharpie... Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. INT.. in Playtex gloves. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. mopping.then he notices something.
ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. My friends will never come here again. and screams in Shane's face. Shane hands her a handkerchief. INT.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. ZOE . They show no respect for you or your house... SHANE Those people aren't your friends. she pukes again. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you.. ZOE I do too respect myself. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. Zoe blows past him -. Thanks a lot. Lulu's crying.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Rambo. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. After a beat. helpless. outside the bathroom door. Because you have no respect for yourself.. PLUMMER HOUSE . sits down. Zoe gets up. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. PLUMMER HOUSE . It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. furniture polished. Zpounding on doors. Todd picks her up. ueasy.into the bathroom. He heads upstairs. where she throws up. You're like a robot. (Announces:) Company. Scott's the last one to leave. CUT TO: EXT. Shane . downstairs! He walks down the hall. Shane stands. shaky and furious. you hate us.
Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT.. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. I'm not the man for this job. Red 1. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. tired) It's Scott. Suddenly -. I'm gone. fiercely -.hand it over! staffs.the power goes out. close-quarters and fast. TWO NINJAS. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall..55.. He goes down. NINJA GHOST -. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs.they're good. SHANE Puberty.the three fight. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. The Ninjas attack.. all in black BURST in through the window.. talking doesn't do any good.. Wielding with great skill. Don't worry. pounding him with their . LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Go to your rooms. Suddenly. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Not even from the enemy. Shane spins in fight-stance. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. as soon as your mom comes back. SHANE You're right. They leap down after him.
56 INT. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -.. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. PLAYROOM . SHANE Okay -. He pulls the string. and flings them all over the floor.then the Ninjas charge... Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. Shane fends the Ninjas off.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. facing them. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. With his foot. WHACK. it makes a silly thunk. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. Shane crashes down. blinding him. fiercely. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. several FURBIES hit the floor.. They step back.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. The Ninjas move towards him -. a squeezes . .CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.knocking him into. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. he hits a Ninja in the head.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. and uses them both to fend off blows. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. Shane runs to the changing table. toys fly. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. avoiding Legos... and grabs it. He spots a BASEBALL BAT.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow.
. You can open up. SHANE Shhh. He squints.. Shane bangs the window sill. INT. He really hugs them. He sprays it in Shane's face. The cloud dissipates. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. disappointed to have lost them. quietly knocks. He hugs them. Kids. terrified.. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. blinded. It's okay. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. fearful. Todd and Zoe enter.. TODD Who were they? What did they want.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up.. Shane isn't sure what to do.. and Shane sees he's now alone. He A long pause -.. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. bawling. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. Then. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. HALLWAY . SHANE It's safe. he hugs Peter and Lulu. .. that your father invented.then the door creaks open. Shane approaches Zoe's door.. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.SHANE 57..? SHANE They're looking for a program. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. ANGLE . He runs to the broken window.
startled. From now on. you listen to me." And then. and do what I say.. "Unchained Melody. And I'm not going anywhere. too. CLOSE-UP . The kids shudder. Shane is furious -.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. absolutely nothing pottery . But nothing's gonna happen to you. They want this. SHANE They're not after you.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us.. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. He looks Zoe. I'll listen to you too.then they hug him. Deal? Truce -. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. relieved. Shane offers his hand to shake.a long pause. the other kids join in. eye to eye.. as long as I'm here.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over.. Then. all smiles.. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. Zoe answers it.. 58. INT. it's been a long night. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.they all jump. They shake -. LIVING ROOM . Then. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Soon. They hug him tighter.
metal two pronged KEY. SCHOOL . It looks like some kind of "key". We just don't know what its for. But we're not sure what it is. Nope. Shane takes the phone. SHANE Mrs. The minivan pulls up. HOTEL ROOM . You have any luck? JULIE Well.. students run in to school. INTERCUT: INT. everyone's fine. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. SHANE (very genuine) . SHANE No . Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.it's okay. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. yes and no...So soon? We were just starting to have fun. They were looking for GHOST.. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. Don't worry -. We found something in the box. .. They're gone.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. Plummer.MORNING Early morning. She holds up the strange. EXT.we'll be just fine. and Shane emerges with the five kids.. two men tried to get into the house tonight. but they didn't find it. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on.happened you should worry about.
I know it's good. THE GYM .LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). He is gesticulating. mortified. They look concerned. An obstacle course with cones.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND.DAY Driver's Ed. then BRAKES. LULU'S CLASSROOM ." Then. then BRAKES. HITS the gas. Shane nods. LULU'S CLASSROOM . VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. Murney stands.INT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . shaking his head. ANGLE on Shane.. MURNEY . making a mess of an egg. Zoe sits in a folding chair. EXT. So. car -. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. reacting each time she HITS the gas. squashed at a little desk. and smiles at Shane. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. SHANE Don't worry.. . sunglasses on. "yeah.she'll pay for the damage. SCREAMING. she wrecked a driver's Ed.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. egg in some purple dye. Peter 60 She smiles.. He dips an INT. Shane stands off to the side. Lulu's classmates all chant. who sits in the back. Principal Claire next to him. ANGLE on Lulu.. a crazed TEACHER next to her.
SHANE He's not a NAZI. and Shane walks them out. what do you expect. 61. Shane stops. (pulls Shane aside. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. what's going on..yes.. Todd enters.. Murney calls into the hallway. No. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.. boys will be boys -.I'm a bit concerned. And that's not all. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. but -.. it's not that -. But this. Shane scowls. .) See if you can talk to the boy.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal.it's the boy. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. Todd and Zoe stand to go. giving him a "skinhead" look. and I'm not sure what to do. Shane gives Zoe a look. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. I was doing a little recon in his locker..That? Lady drivers. Zoe shrugs...but this is just sick. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. He does always miss sixth period.
Shane. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. we'll give these boys a treat. MURNEY It's a date then. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. SHANE I'll talk to him. Kung team: Shane walks away. and leaps at Shane. if you ask me. as he passes. Shane trips forwards to his knees. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . huh? (Shane ignores him. kicking him in the BACK.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. MURNEY You're a good man. I promise I won't hurt you. maybe. 62. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. and keeps walking.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. and leaves. I'll show you a couple moves. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd... and Murney chases after him. stretching.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Shane walks the kids out. SHANE Another time. Murney laughs. Without warning.that whole family's no good.
odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house.. He starts to shut the window. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. you're in charge. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. signal me. and leaves.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. Nothing.. running around the corner. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. The window is wide open. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. so the alarm didn't go off. SHANE Wait Todd.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. Keep all doors sealed. peering out her window. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. He enters. It's small for him. do your homework. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Shane looks out the window -. It's pink.far down the block. On the corner. SHANE Smart kid. EXT. I want to talk to you. INT. TODD'S ROOM . Shane hops out the window. Shane parks. Todd runs towards the house. Murney his head. PLUMMER HOUSE . but instead he takes a deep breath. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. with a flowered basket. and snickers to his Team. but he .shakes Shane turns back. he can see Todd. keeping the contact. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. It looks like Shane might fight. Shane screws the window shut. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. preheat the oven. He sees Zoe.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
LIESL We don't have a director. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. girls'll think I'm. Shane straightens up. weird or something? 66 . show's off. Liesl chimes in.. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. TODD . Shane looks at the Cast. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.. they're not sure what to do. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.. Todd looks up at Shane... TODD Doesn't matter now anyway.. SHANE COMPANY -.. Shane shakes his head. Todd looks devastated -.. BEAT.. He smiles.. Shane's glare. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Chicks dig guys who can dance. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. they quickly assemble on stage.What if... it's over.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever.. or not? Everyone nods..
LULU'S ROOM . He turns out the light. Shane exits.Yes. BREAKING something..What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.. I won't touch him. another girl picked up the phone. I know it's no big deal.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . furious. I don't know why I let it get to me. He hears Zoe in her room. INT. He peeks in -.. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. I called him in his room. ZOE .LATER . ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you... INT.. No wait! . YES WHAT? SHANE .. Scott. angrily. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. It's stupid.. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Okay. SHANE . I promise.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall..
facility. Let's see..so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. and they came in from the north. Stumped. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. Uranium. SHANE(CONT'D) One day... (MORE) T S L 8. Went into the magic forest.. the little Elf family -. on Lulu's floor.Uh.. Shane looks at her surprised. To find a secret gnome. I 6 . The elves had to go in and take it out.. So -they waited for cloud cover.. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. setting up the scene with DOLLS. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. Once there was a family of Elves.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. He sits on the bed. ULU Tell me a story. he illustrates.. As Shane finishes the story. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -..
Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . Even. the teeniest little elf of all -. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. from across the hall. c'mon. The wails get louder and LOUDER. We got `em all. NURSERY . And you ain't got a chance. And not one Elf got left behind that day. TODD You have to do the dance. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Shane sighs. Then. lower than the floor.. Like dad used to do. . and do the Panda Dance.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.. I can't remember that thing. SHANE Oh.. Lulu's fallen asleep.. Peter starts bawling. Todd calls from the doorway. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.mean standing. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. INT. or he won't stop. and whispers to Peter. S 69.. He made it up for him.. TODD I'll write it down for you.... head in the door.....Rodriquez.. Peter WAILS..
She gets out in shock. terrified. with her Gameboy. Shane crab-walks sideways. (Tyler in the snuggle). just like the crabs do.Shane sighs.. Chun. mortified. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. through the mirror.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan.. They turn to Zoe. (He does. He does the dance as he sings. Lulu is next to him.) EXT.MORNING . hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. GARAGE . Shane hops forward three times. SHANE Today you drive. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. PLUMMER HOUSE . . He sings again. Shane turns and catches Mr. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman.. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. T the A 70.. The Kids sit bolt upright. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Peter applauds. Chun gets his paper. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. and gets in the driver's seat. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Humiliated. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Shane. staring.
Touched. I trust you.I can't even pass driver's Ed.. She pulls out.. no. Exactly. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. The Kids share a dubious look. jerkily. Zoe is surprised. S P . but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Lulu and Todd are terrified. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span.ZOE But -. Zoe backs jerkily out. MINIVAN . SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. Shane is nervous.. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. not the road. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him... Shane is shaky.. Keep going. but trying not to show it. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. INT. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No.
INT. Suddenly -. CAFETERIA . terrified. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. SHANE Good.71.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him.. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. KIDS boisterously run past.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Shane jumps out of the car. ZOE Ha ha ha. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. being obnoxious. Claire strides into view. EXT. Scott's terrified. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Shane spots something. Chastened. Broken promises lead to broken legs. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. with a few FRIENDS. Shane's . and a little make-up. Before Scott knows what's happened.Claire BARKS out. 1500 hours.. She's wearing a cute dress. Shane lets him down and heads into school.. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Shane unclenches his teeth. Very funny.. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. severe stare) Now. trembling. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. laughing. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Zoe smiles. Next lesson. hey head into the school.
Wow. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) .. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. She smiles. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. you never know who you're going to run into.. SHANE hey eat in silence... dragging . She's waiting for him to say. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them.. and offers him a milk. Suddenly. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. impressed. S he sits beside him. It's a miracle. too. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately." In one move. S T P . him by the ear. Love it when he does that. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO..eyes alight. Shane leaps over the table. He smiles back. something. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Shane`s not so good at small talk. sailor? Thanks. Principal Claire sighs "not again.
TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. TODD Hey. MURNEY I've had it. It opens Friday. now it all makes sense. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Silence. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. What're you so scared of. MURNEY Winners never quit. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake.. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. M 73. I'm right here.. Todd looks. boy. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. No one's sure they heard him right. Yeah I do.. Talk. Murney.. I want to sing. I. intimidated... Then: TODD I am not scared. Freak? The Students snicker. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.Murney shoves Todd forward. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. . Murney turns around. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Murney gets up in Shane's face. I quit.
Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. TODD There is a man in my house -. it's scary S 74. You win.Shane steps them. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. taking flyers. M urney looks over at the Team. Todd's telling the truth. humiliated.face to face. Murney looks around. protecting him. furious -URNEY So -. They look to the ground sheepishly. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. Everyone is watching.it reads: . MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. Your ass is mine. The whole team wants to quit. Murney did not expect to be called out. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.me. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. There is a stunned moment -.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. His voice cracks -.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. The Gym. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. swarm Todd. Let's do it.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. So calm. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -.and then a mob of Students. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. He storms out. You suck.
grabs onto Murney's waist. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . M URNEY on." INT. Todd flops to the mat. Murney lands on his back. Murney bounds to his feet. rushes Shane.BAM. shocked. WHAM. Todd cheers Shane on. quietly twitching on the ground. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. and they head out. Shane side-steps. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands."Murney's getting his ass kicked. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Murney. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. GYM . SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through.sending him right into the wall. hard. mumbling something. 3:00. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. S 75.3:00 mat. and sweeps Murney -. The bleachers are PACKED.
He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. BUGS. . No brownies edible. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. When I Rwanda. LULU We're Brownies. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. Claire. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. They walk out. 76 SHANE either. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. that's all. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. TODD That was awesome. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling .Dislocated nerve. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. FOREST . So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. I got my troops waiting. She gives him a thumbs up. The crowd cheers. fascinated. If you're not sure. TO: EXT. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. too.
EXT. MALL PARKING LOT . He signals her.she hits EVERY ONE -. KICK. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. he reaches out and rocks it. PUNCH. In unison. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. NURSERY . It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. OLD FACTORY ." INT.. INT. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.. here.fascinated. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. The Duck watches all this -. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. Shane holds a stopwatch. the Girls PUNCH. Zoe . here at the top of the stairs.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. PUNCH. she burns rubber.. and. in perfect tempo. PLUMMER HOUSE . where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.we'll put Von Trapps here. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him.. MALL PARKING LOT . He illustrates the stage directions.FRONT LAWN . in between punches. The Kids don't get it. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. He laughs at his own joke. KICK..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. EXT..
NURSERY . Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. EXT. is an empty page/that men will want to write on..2.out and weaves the cones... your life little girl. Hands a T .. They watch closely. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. INT. it teeters. Shane gives her a signal. ODD .DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. INT. EXT. He counts begins wriggling free.DAY -"1. but doesn't fall. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.BACK YARD . PLUMMER HOUSE . blur.. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. OLD FACTORY . she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards..3. The Brownies attack.FRONT LAWN . MALL PARKING LOT . EXT. mercilessly. T I E 77..DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. she only clips one." Lulu.. in we WIDEN back.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. PLUMMER HOUSE .
NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. now and then. He does a spin kick. THUD! Gazelle. daddy. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. Then he tucks Peter in." Singing and doing all the moves -. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Peter.he's got it down. SHANE I'm not your daddy. INT. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. odd tries the spinning kick. But sweet dreams. Peter Panda. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Graceful. Graceful.huh? Now. MONTAGE ENDS EXT.EVENING . Todd tries the kick.hard. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. but blows it. Shane is so touched. Peter. 8. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. He kisses Peter on the forehead. Again. NURSERY . he almost bursts into tears. adding a James Brown flourish.
she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief.. He smiles. she wraps it around his arm. The Scout struggles.MOMMY! She lets him go -. You're gonna have to pay for that. the Other Scouts are scared. the Chubby Cub Scouts. Across the lot. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. In one move. The . U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. scary. but like lightning. he lands on the ground hard. striking a cool pose. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. FORMATION. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. at their own table. wearing the double snuggle. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. 9.they LAUGH. As he's comparing prices -.in a FLIP.he sees. The Scouts share a look -. tying him. see them. proud. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. INT. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. She shoves a cookie in his mouth.. S SHANE That's my troop.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
EXT. BACK YARD .SHANE He's left alone.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. ANGLE . HOTEL . INT.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . talking excitedly. HALLWAY . the kids are all abuzz. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. WITH: J INT. Shane answers it. OE I never even got to say good bye. The phone rings. She throws her arms around Shane. happy.soldier. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. A tear runs down Zoe's face. we're on the first plane in the morning. J 82. JULIE The red tape is cleared up.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end.
SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. No reason for personal attachments. Gary sits in the next chair. GARAGE . with. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Shane sighs morosely. He pets the Duck. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool.The house is dark. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. INT. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. unblinking. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Shane sits in a lawn chair. your wings aren't clipped. Suddenly. Shane turns. SHANE Just another assignment.NIGHT hane turns the light on.. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. hane rises. he Duck stares. the Duck starts quacking.. Kids to play S . Three squares a day.
CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. leading below the garage. The break in its surface is a strange. TO: to S 84. we see a CRANK WHEEL. crack the lock all night. . DISSOLVE INT. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. Nothing..MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE.SHANE What happened. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.. The Kids are watching his progress. No hinges or cracks. Shane steps down it. BOTTOM OF STAIRS .. unsuccessfully. Lulu hands him a tool. INT. He tries muscles rippling.. The wheel spins. and then it gives.. GARAGE . He's been trying. INTERC UT: B harder.. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. Shane looks on stunned. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. shines it down the grate. Shane dials a phone. he floor opens.. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. only It's solid and inscrutable. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off.
Do you have it? SHANE No. W e PUSH INTO the house.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. GARAGE . towards the neighbor's house. We'll be there shortly -. CHUN CUT BACK . Bill reacts. excited. can't crack it.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. sir.. Everyone reacts happily.. SEDAN .. TO: INT. After we turn this in to my CO. Julie sits beside him. Silently spying on Shane. Through a window. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. and hangs up..EXT.don't do anything `til I get there. An ominous pause. he answers it.. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Except for -. Okay.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Away from Shane. pleased. Bill's cell phone rings. She looks stricken. don't do anything further. It's in a steel vault. Then we slowly MOVE UP. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. I've been trying all night. GHOST. I think I found GHOST. BILL .. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. GARAGE .Lulu. MRS. relieved. TO: INT.
JULIE'S HOUSE . a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). INT.: The house is spotless.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . LULU But.V. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.O. She trails off. so they probably trashed the place. Shane -. comes into the dark hall.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong.. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. in the next room. Julie and Bill hop out.SHANE He goes silent. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left.they hear. Lulu? You should be happy. KIDS VOICES . HOUSE .. should be home soon. The fish tank is clear. Kids singing a beautiful. The rug is vacuumed. Bill is carrying her suitcases.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. Tongue-tied. J JULIE'S P. he has no answer.. SHANE You guys better get ready. in shock. I 85.
KITCHEN . BILL (he smiles wryly. She sees. INT.. ( B 6. Julie starts bawling.. mom. Peter is fresh faced.. ZOE Welcome home. for a thousand years.. 8 JULIE almost faints. S SHANE Captain. with songs they have sung. then salutes back) Good job. DINING ROOM . a capella) . picture- . Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. Lulu has bows in her hair. INT. Zoe is in a conservative dress. Across the room. smiling.. Lieutenant. featuring Todd. The Kids rush forward and hug her.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. She staggers to. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Bill steadies her. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly.(singing. Julie goes to the.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.. Shane sees Bill enter. Dumb-struck. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable... no dishes in the sink.
reluctant. I'm giving you your choice of assignment.. GARAGE . You just name it. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. anywhere you want. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. S S 87.. all I've never known is the military. Sir. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . Shane. Suddenly. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. Bill holds the pronged key. pause) But I'll have to think about it... ILL I'm really proud of you. Shane continues. And I think I want to explore that some more. SHANE That's kind of you. BILL I should hope not. surprised.DAY Shane leads Bill inside.INT. an ANGRY VOICE. Don't get me wrong. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. Bill stops.
SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms... Mr.. hane takes control! He smiles. confused. SHANE'S POV woozy. Shane shoots Bill a glance.... GUNS DRAWN. He turns. MRS. reaching for Bill's key. CLOSE-UP ..Shane and Bill spin. He is losing consciousness. startled. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. Shane peers in confusion. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. relishing a second of glory -. he looks up as he drops.when suddenly.. and starts to fall. . while SLAMMING their heads together. then passes out. B 88. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. Shane puts his hands behind his head. and Mrs. There were delays. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. Mrs.. Chun comes closer.. Chun. Disoriented. He takes a submissive position. startled... Things are spinning.SHANE Lights out.
The Korean Man (Mr. Peter has a JUICE BOX. ILL North Korea pays better. Chun approach the steel door. Chun) Keep an eye on them. NURSERY .DAY Shane lies unconscious. bright and white. scared. So did the Department of Defense. (to Mr. with two . Beside the safe is a red switch. The floor is covered with square tiles. FADE IN: INT. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.with me.BLACK. 9. and it CLICKS.. reaching. Inside is a dark corridor. The door HUMS.. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.. You -. exit. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Bill checks the knots binding the children. livid. tied up. They THE VAULT! Spare. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. GARAGE . They anxiously tiptoe. 8 Bill grins.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. INT. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. JULIE I trusted you. Charles trusted you. closing the window shades. then slides OPEN! enter. INT. Bill and Mrs... Bill and Mrs. Chun) secures the room. They whimper. Julie glares. He GAGS the kids. The Kids are furious..
settings: ARMED and DISARMED. eyeballing them icily. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. had eyebrows. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. Tyler GASPS. off shoulder eyebrows. Lulu "looks" scared. With a rapid blur of finger-work. Chun is Bokay. Lulu frowns. then leans back against Zoe. MRS. INT. she hits her panic button! O.. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. MRS. CHUN But I've got some C4. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. horrified -. He sneers. Bill eyes the safe. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. It's set on ARMED. like a monstrous computer. Chun whirls -. The air is filled with an ominous. BEEPING.the Kids look innocent. startled -. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. She confidently strides toward the safe -. Mrs. done. but the of her jacket is on fire. Mr. Chun guards the kids.. completely SINGED OFF...and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. But behind her back. as if she hadn't moved.. CHUN Just. she unties Zoe! Then -. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy.. then Mr. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. quickly assuming a fake bound position.S.SAME TIME Mr.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. MR. Mr.needing a distraction. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . the Chun spins. HOUSE . low-pitched HUM..which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls.
. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Chun's face.W Z 90. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. HAM without warning. he steps closer. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. he drops to his knees in pain. Chun laughs: MR. They untie Julie. Lulu runs. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. slamming the door behind her.. snake-like move. Mr.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. CHUN That's cute. Chun's head. It HURTS. Chun scowls. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist.. Chun looks at Lulu. when he's at her level. Chun growls and starts to stagger up.. Mr. Mr. then. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Skeptical.. BEHIND TODD . she KICKS him right in the nuts. Chun's leg.
SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. making a small hole. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. INT. INT. Chun falls back from the door.. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. Bill lurches into view. clutching her! The . NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her.. his face COATED in white. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . Chun punches the door.but as Julie exits. FRONT DOOR . CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt..Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT.. She SCREAMS.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. INT. they're trapped inside. NURSERY . DONNGGG -. Chun's face..doorknob. He sticks his face out the hole. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . but the door won't budge. He yells out furious! MR. I INT.CONTINUOUS Mr.CONTINUOUS Mr.. M E M 91.
RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. They start to run back. INT. She floors it.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. Mrs. then nod and run to the side garage. MINIVAN .kids are horrified. they're not going anywhere. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan... unsure.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. Chun listens to Mr. speaking in Korean: RS.I've got the keys.. Chun THE RADIO. MR.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out.CONTINUOUS r. HOUSE . ARGHH! driveway.. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. HOUSE . but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. EXT. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. CHUN Chun falls. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. . Chun comes racing around the house -. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.
She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. Don't make me kill you too.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Chun exits the vault. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. Mrs. holding a military RADIO.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. Then. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. INT. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. chilled. lying on the concrete. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. oe runs a yellow.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. B . gaining on them. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. It's getting old.Charles didn't tell me about the room. a CRACKLING of static. Julie GASPS. VAN . What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.. INT. GARAGE . leading her to the secret door. They step past Shane's body.. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine.
Surprised. ZOE .CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. He tries to pass them on the right.. don't hurt the kids. Do it. ill eyes him.he clicks "talk" on the radio. It's B risky. to cut them off! INT. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. I'll get you in.SHANE They look over -.. MINIVAN .. Bill. Then -. my husband has question: MR..S.DAY The vehicles race. everyone looks down. as Zoe drives. He does something we can't see. BILL Change of plan. CHUN Mr. SHANE (O. Bring them back unharmed. Bill uncuffs Shane.Shane is standing in the doorway. The men stare down... EXT. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. It's like a chariot race. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. half on the sidewalk.) Bill. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. they might wreck. emotional. MRS. Chun zooming by. just please don't hurt anyone. BUSY STREET .93. ANGLE . Bill deciding if he can trust him. ILL .
The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. Zoe looks over.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it.. Peter laughs. Bill waits impatiently. INT. SECRET VAULT ... TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Hair spray.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. CRASH!! The kids cheer. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Mr. Exasperated.. triumphant.What's taking you? 94. disoriented. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake.. In the van. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. Chun off for a beat. It throws Mr. Mr. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. crayons. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly.. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Chun holds Julie. Chun with debris: milk cartons. M R. . CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him.. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. orange peels. Mrs. Shane is figuring his options. Mr. Chun SCREAMS. and loses control. She Mr.
revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Shane gets up. over one beam and ducking under another -. Shane steps forward .. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Shane SQUIRTS it. Lulu. Tyler! Bill reacts. in pain. Bill laughs. Sweat drips down Shane's face. . Todd. Shane leaps back. ill cocks his gun. go get it -. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. BILL Code or no code.. puzzled. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Watch. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.A bewildered beat -. Peter.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. He speaks aloud. confidently: J B B 95 .now. landing on his hands and knees. Shane steps forward. sending him flying backwards.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca.
and do the Peter Panda Dance.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Something she said. E 96 . He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. When you're down and low. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. across two tiles. just like the crabs do. NOTHING HAPPENS. not quite centered to the room. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. . then back: smiles. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. Shane he steps forwards. Shane LAUGHS sharply. fearlessly.SHANE Shane's thinks. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. Julie relieved. And you haven't got a chance. Bill and Julie share a look -.. He thinks. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . lower than the floor. He feels the Groove.NOTHING HAPPENS.they have no idea what he's laughing about.. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.. He takes a deep breath. CLOSE-UP . He steps sideway. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. Again -. Calmness comes to Shane's face. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).
5-0. ZOE Come on.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. from the ceiling. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. Inside is the Cute Cop. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. he'd be toast. Zoe blows past it.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. They have my mom. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. and our bodyguard -. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. BUSY INTERSECTION . Don't follow me! . Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. If he'd been standing. his focus gone. not the brake. they're FLYING. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. 9 7. The Squad Car's lights flash on.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow.it takes a while. When he steps back -. and he catches up with the minivan -.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. EXT. Use the gas.
. I accept full responsibility. Claire frowns. EXT. pool of liquid. It's acid. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. NECK-BRACE. SCHOOL . like there ain't no floor. sliding forward. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. She shakes her head. almost running it off road.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. EXT. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. and speeds back towards her house. The Squad Car is on its tail. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. at a safe distance.. Suddenly. the Minivan SPEEDS by. PLUMMER BASEMENT . Squad Car turns around and chases her. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. Then better jump quick.. My intelligence proved to be faulty. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. Zoe U-turns.. is Mr. nervously. 98. INT. concerned. SUBURBAN STREET .MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. but if I had more resources. Following the chase. . in a cloud of smoke.
Whew. sir. Shane. "Just hold your breath. He lands in front of THE SAFE. Shane scowls. Bill signals for Mrs. He flips the switch to DISARMED. if you're willing to join up. Bill looks around. He nervously steps forward . The safe's red light turns green. Immediately. Nothing happens. Chun to go first. She gestures back: you go. Beat. He's relieved -. I knew you'd figure it out. BILL Thank you.and walks across the room. BILL I'll take that as a "no.. and jump to the left. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. You were always my best man. and jumps back.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him.he waves his hand over the floor. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Bill takes a breath -. Mrs. The Booby Traps are disarmed. pulling Julie along. disgusted. The whole room goes SILENT. All that we stand for. almost done. It's a stand-off. to calm down) Almost done." He jumps. to the left of the HOLE. Chun follows. BILL (CONT'D) You know. He holds his breath just in time." . Finally.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. And you betrayed all of that. What do you say -.. Bill shrugs. 99.
but Shane gazes coldly. legs! He's crazed. I think you better open it. You open it. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. . shaking from the voltage. BILL (CONT'D) .Mrs. Mrs. then catches himself. Nothing happens. Full of himself. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Chun reaches out. I walked the floor first. Relief. Bill is incensed. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. then PUNCHES him in the gut. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on.Bill turns to the safe. Shane shrugs. MRS. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. and touches the dial. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.. trying to read Shane's poker face. BILL None requested. Bill gestures to Mrs. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. He starts to reach for the dial. Chun. Shane reaches for the safe. hitting Bill's arms. SIZZLING. Something's not right. But suddenly Mrs. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. unrelenting. her hair on end.. She turns it. Chun doesn't budge. Chun LEAPS onto his back. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. Reluctantly . Bill LUNGES. SHANE There will be no mercy. Bill is off guard. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks.. head....
K. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. Shane shakes his head. terrible neighbor. chase after. kick. PLUMMER'S STREET . It's clear the both have the same training.O. They punch. ANGLE . saved. The Police Cars . then whispers/sings. She catapults..SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. Suddenly. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. IN THE VAN. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. he drops and FLIPS her. He jumps to his feet. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. everyone is SCREAMING..! EXT. Shane tumbles. knocking her out.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. Shane struggles to lose her. Shane narrows his eyes. Bill is charging him. tottering. Say. Shane COLD-COCKS her. SIRENS wailing. She smiles. OOF! Bill tumbles. the wind knocked out of him. spin. delivering a series of hard punches. connecting only occasionally.they tangle like pro's. SHANE .. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.. But he's unforgiving. which Shane deflects -. SHANE You're a. stumbles backwards across the room. unable to gain her balance. Leering mercilessly.BILL He steps over Shane. good night. landing on his back in front of the safe.
. Then -. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. then BRAKES.101. with their hands raised. JULIE Thank you Shane.. The van SKIDS. grateful.. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. from the car. then look in the safe: Inside. GHOST. SECRET VAULT . HOUSE .SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. They look in silence.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. It's finally over. Whoa. Shane gently removes it. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. The kids clamber from the van. Shane steps out. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop.and hits a tree. INT.SAME TIME Total commotion. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. Cops surround them. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think .O. She smiles at Shane. SHANE . The Kid spill out and run. But it's too late.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. The garage door raises. Now we can go back to our peaceful. smoke BURNING from the tires -..
helpless. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. Chun stands inside the gate. Zoe... CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST.. vaults onto Chun. CHUN (O.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. The Cops are unsure what to do. But then -. I suggest you call the FBI. MR.. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. Even Chun is amazed. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. He's disheveled and manic. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Nobody is sure what to do. He scoffs. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. officer. CUTE COP I said FREEZE.a CRAZED SCREAM.. Silence. uh. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. and grabs the MR. ZOE But. Shane spins. Shane weighs his not so many options. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. Mr. Julie and Shane Freeze. triumphant. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. Numerous. 10 2. Cops cover Shane and Julie. you're in a lot of trouble. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. Now.S.. as he turns his head.) HIT THE GROUND!!! ..CUTE COP FREEZE.
This chaos is unsolvable. SHANE Just doing my job. CLOSE-UP . INT. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. Shane examines it. Agent. swelling with pride. Shane talks with an F. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. F. that was nice work.. reaches for his radio.SHANE He breaks into a big grin.I.. PLUMMER HOUSE .I. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. GARAGE . F . ANGLE . COP I think I'll call the FBI.I.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.I. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. AGENT Mr.B. CLOSE-UP . LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. 103. he . You're a one-man battalion.B. Wolfe.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.LATER F. AGENTS swarm the area.B.rocket launcher. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Julie huddles with the kids.B. then walks off. watching the FBI Agents work.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. She sees. say -..I want to say: I love you more than anything. The Plummers hug each other.Maui? . You're the superior office. Julie. from the safe. I'm kinda. I don't know. He looks at Claire. fallen onto the floor. Mock-angry. SHANE .... a letter. Summer's almost here.. Her siblings. He looks around: at the family.Yes. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. and gather around. On. A tear comes to her eye. Peter..CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. Shane looks at her. 104. And to tell the truth. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close.. EXT. Todd. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this... PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.. I'm on dry land. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . and Julie notice. SHANE Well. Zoe. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. I always have. then Julie found the key.. here. You tell me. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Does it itch? Yes. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. Tyler. Lulu -. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. re-conning the situation.
we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. He starts to head off. SHANE Claire beams.his medal. ZOE But. 105.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. squeezing them off the ground. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. SHANE Ah.Sir yes sir.. Thank you. baffled. TIGHT .SHANE This is too much.. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. come here you. to shake his.he can't keep it in. Lulu turns to Shane. For everything. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. He wipes his face. P ETER Love you. I'm gonna . Shane bawls -.he hugs the whole family at once. Your work here is through. Julie looks up. LULU This is it. sad. Guess you have to go now.. Like he did. He puts them down. interrupting. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about.. A long beat. Zoe gives them a look -. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . The Plummers all approach. He squeezes her hand around it. Shane. She puts out her hand.
the little Brownie Troop. hit your marks.a Michael Jordan dunk. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long." In the audience.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. Shane watches with bated breath. She is surrounded by her children. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. VICTORIA THEATRE. even Murney. Farewell. You Are Sixteen begins." Hearts swell. The performers take their curtain . beaming with pride. They all watch. Claire: dressed to the nines. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. A STANDING OVATION. until he sits back down. rapt. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Julie watches in astonishment. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. In SLOW MOTION. It's fantastic -. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Shane stands. BACKSTAGE . his hair combed. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. Todd spins. Scott: in a suit.
Shane smiles. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.imsdb.and the house goes crazy. Mission accomplished.html on December 9 2010 .com/scripts/Pacifier. He humbly steps into view -. Thundering applause.-The. THE END http://www. touched.calls. FADE OUT. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.
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