THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

terrified.. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. Shane removes his mouth piece. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. He's gone. When it finally opens. over his head.. to the roof.. Up to his nose. My way -. when I say it. SHIP'S HOLD ..CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room.SIMULTANEOUS 4. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. hauling the Professor up. He tries force the door open. INT. But you have to do exactly what I say. United States Navy.. but can't get free. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. . I'm gonna get you outta here. him his oxygen. PLUMMER How did you know where I. EXT. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. they're almost out of Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. Plummer highway option. ON THE DECK . He cuts the Professor's GAG. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. As the water rises. One of our SEALS calls out to them.

. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls.The Seal calls out: "shoot more.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. INT. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. clearly he loves this kind of day.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. pulling the Professor in behind him. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. then disappear gracefully back into the water. more!" They do. holding the Professor. He . It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. SHIP'S HOLD . OCEAN'S SURFACE . and pulls himself. HELICOPTER . Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock.. HELICOPTER . terrified. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. Shane takes a deep breath. EXT. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Hold on. SHANE INT. 5. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . INT.

EXT. Charles stops Shane. We have to keep moving. how'd we. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. waits. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick.. PLUMMER Oh my God. shutting him up. thank you.. CHARLES I'm safe. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. I'm just not big on chit chat. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. . I can't believe you. the Professor looks terrified... Please.. Not imperative to the mission. CHARLES Lieutenant. Lieutenant. rotors whirling slowly. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . That was the most incredible. She thinks I'm dead. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today.. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk.beside him. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point.

I'm alive. Peter. INT. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. SHANE We're almost ready. PAVE HAWK . you want to see it? Negative... He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. Charles dials. Shane looks at him.. Lulu. I have a picture of my kids in here. Shane drops. The briefcase pops open. Shane considers.. puzzled. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -.Charles picks up his briefcase. It's voice activated. that's my specialty.. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. Designed it myself. PILOT sits..... Tyler. All goes .couldn't crack it. then hands him his satellite phone. WHAM.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. and talks. RUN!!! black. knocked unconscious. back to him. I do security. DEAD. Charles dials his cell phone. Todd.

7. Shane reaches out. There is huge explosion. barely conscious. He sees Charles. Bill sits down beside the bed. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. and takes Charles' Briefcase. He takes a long look at Shane. SHANE'S P.O. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. And a good hurts to salute. He looks around.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. despondent. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.friendly. but he does it anyway. unconscious.V. HOSPITAL . EXT. Everything is ablaze. HOSPITAL . as the chopper ignites. unassuming. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. His arm and face bandaged. SHANE . PAVE HAWK . sir. I know sir.: Everything is a blur. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. Captain. You're the best man I ever trained.. in slow-motion.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. He holds a REPORT in his hand. A Huey Helicopter lands. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane.. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire.

SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. really. 8.. appreciate your confidence. He can't believe his good fortune. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.. disappointed. SHANE Sir. BILL Not a surprise. He called it G.T.T. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. BILL (interrupting:) Negative..H. I'm gonna need the mini sub.. He pulls up a chair. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. Shane sits up.S. BILL . It's not that kind of mission. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for... He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. is still out there. disconnects an IV. Bill shakes his head.S.. and sits opposite Shane. Bill considers this.SHANE He had to call his family. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.H. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.O. G. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. Then.. he pulls off bandages. and starts to rise. I. as I stated in my report.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. . SHANE The case was empty sir.a genius. Invigorated. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.O. Thank you.

BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.T.. Not even when I was a kid sir. Searched the place. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. Either way. I love you. Maybe it is. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. intrigued.H.. I got a call from the professor's wife. I'm alive. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. It's just that. Shane Wolfe. BILL . sir.. CHARLES (O.) Honey. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. maybe it isn't. Shane is shocked. top to bottom. SHANE'S APARTMENT . I'll call you in an hour. is in that house. Widow.. call Lt. Shane is surprised. CUT TO: INT.S.. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. She told me someone had broken into her home.. Whoever killed the professor must think G.O. anyway.Shane listens. I need someone to stay at that house.. and protect them.if anything happens to me. hearing the dead man's voice. BILL The professor's wife requested you.. sir. (MORE) 9. He's a good man.NIGHT .. The family's scared.S. I should go. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that.. I've never been very good with kids. presses play.

Shane heads to the door. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. Shane looks like a bad ass. Shane double-checks the address.. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. 10. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. He reaches in. camouflage vest..s. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. we're not interested. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. Shane looks down -. night vision goggles.and sees LULU. identical to the one he wears. SUBURBAN STREET . Shane eyes Lulu. ready for anything. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. machete. Lulu eyes Shane.V. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. EXT.O. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). peering up at him.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. 8. The sprinklers go off. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. He rejects it. . Shane frowns.then the door swings open. Shane's P. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. then goes back to his it chest of drawers.. Hm.Shane packs his duffel bag. also identical to the one he wears. He looks at for a moment.. with toys all over the lawn. It SQUEAKS.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. EMALE VOICE (o. and pulls out a small. they all go in. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

through the kitchen window.Nighttime -. Helga will . and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. Swiss law says only his family can access it. Julie casually answers it. JULIE That's wonderful. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Through the window. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Julie and Shane share a look. This could all be over! BILL (o... The phone RINGS inside.s.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. BILL (o. 14..the family eats dinner.s. I have some potentially good news. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. LIVING ROOM . Helga and the Kids in the doorway. with her suitcase. Shane.s.NIGHT Shane. We slowly pull out. INT.) There's a catch. I think it could contain GHOST.. entersJULIE I'll be there. it's Bill Fawcett. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. listening to the conversation. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. INT.MORNING stand hug Julie. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.) Julie.

(Worried:) But if there is an emergency. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. And on the phone. it's my job to worry. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway.. I'm gonna miss you. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. Julie gets in the car and it drives away.. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. Plummer. it's just... are you licensed to kill? . I am a mom.... No. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. H S . chill.we'll be fine. SHANE Don't worry.. Mrs. I'll be back in 48 hours. ZOE Mom -. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. do it. HELGA Everything will be fine. And on the back door. I love you guys. And guys.handle everything. Helga will take care of everything else. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. They'll be safe with me. .. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.

) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.NIGHT hane rushes in -.. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. Shane turns off the light. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.5. Shane shakes his head. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. He shuts off the - . UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . INT. can't find him.. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him.NIGHT Shane. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. I make bottle. pouring in Cheerios. on a short ladder.. Immediately. Gary suddenly FLIES by . INT. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.. SHANE (CONT'D) . WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. You do something. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.. elga stomps out.s. when in the corner of his eye -.. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL.. Shane heads down the hall..WHRRP! Shane ducks.

. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. jumps onto the trampoline. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. SHANE Not with this kid. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. tool.window alarm and sneaks out silently. Zoe! . I'll call you. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. calling out from across the street. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.. ZOE He's my boyfriend. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. S COTT . fine. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure... runs off. but alright. ZOE Okay. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. . He's dazed. PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. 16. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. Shane LIFTING him in the air. They both tumble to the ground. come on Scott. house like a marionette. Zoe -. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL.. EXT. Shane runs.BACK YARD .go back inside. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked..

IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Sorry. CHUN Thanks a bunch..Zoe storms inside. no accent) We speak English. Oh. SHANE My apologies. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. so we're up kind of early. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. A simple misunderstanding. SHANE MRS. Shane addresses them. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. They're arguing with each other in Korean. pop their heads out. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. The Alarm's still blaring... and we found this in our pool filter. Shane's about to head inside. CHUN . huh baby-sitter? Mr.. MR. Look. THE CHUNS. PLUMMER HOUSE . The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. I INT.. MR. Kojak. We had an intruder. The alarm stops. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry.NIGHT .. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. we own a bakery. Shane stands there. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. CHUN (perfect English. fuming. Oh.

then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. lower than the floor. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. Loud. Bite me! Shane frowns. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. She has to hop on one foot. to not fall over. continues down the hall.) sing). He "hops" her down the hall to her room. . Shane marches back down the dad? Zoe starts to turn -.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Shane flips her foot in the air. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger.s. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. SHANE Not anymore. Shane shuts her door. Zoe falls backwards into the room. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. ZOE Who do you think you are -. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. You should have told her the truth. S W 1 8. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room).

EXT. just like the crabs do.groove. In the bedrooms. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. HOUSE . INT. Shane shakes his head. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Peter in his bed. in bed -.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. then "crab-walks" sideways. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. Three steps forward. T Z Z T 19.laugh and laugh. PLUMMER HOUSE . one step back. warm orange light. he wriggles on the floor. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. The Children. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. to their beds. Then jumps up. . HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. She does.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep.

S . Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. half-asleep and angry. TODD'S ROOM . 20 . You're insane. L Move. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. Not in front of the kids. Todd blinks groggily.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. disoriented. like she's been electrocuted. Move. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. oe is wrapped in blankets.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. motionless.. carrying the crying baby. Covering their ears.m. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Helga runs through in hair curlers.MORNING Todd sits up. ODD It's Sunday. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. The Whistle GETS LOUDER.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. not understanding what's happening. Suddenly his door flies open -. HALLWAY . Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. INT..odd is out cold.

KITCHEN . SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. HELGA (She curses Again.he gives him a look of disbelief. shocked. sucking on a bottle.LATER The children are assembled. INT. Your behavior is unacceptable. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. lined up tallest to shortest. L 21. in Romanian. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. you. No highway you. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.. .) Shane's jaw drops. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. LULU ("copying" him) I said -....

S ULU (CONT'D) . SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. Everyone cracks up. he's furious.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Everyone stares blankly -. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Shane tries to maintain decorum. P eter farted. End of chain. So you are -. Now that I know I can't trust you.. where's the older male? There were five. Angry.a tense silence. wait. He tries the knob. INT. Never take them off. or you're dead. The panic button is only for emergencies. Red better be dying.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.. Shane bangs hard on it.and you do it. I tell you what to do -. Touch that -. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you.. ZOE I am not wearing that. He yells at her. Red baby. Red 2. SHANE Tracking devices. ZOE He's in his room. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button.(pointing) Red 1.. Shane bounds up the stairs. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. but it's locked.

INT.22. Todd nods in agreement. patrolling. He sees Shane. Shane steps aside. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE .a FLUSH. to her room. and Todd comes sauntering back.they glare at Shane. She stops at Todd's door -. HALLWAY . then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. INT. He has to go. The entire frame collapses. If you'd been wearing it. this wouldn't have happened.. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. the destroyed door and wall. Down the hall -..MORNING .SMASH! The wood CRACKS. Oops. I can fix this. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. A piece of the ceiling falls. and head down the hall. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. then CRASHES inward. hits Shane on the head..LATER ZOE . Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. Zoe comes up the stairs.

From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. clicks his alarm remote opens it. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs.LATER .S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches.S. He said there's a ghost. he hears something suspicious -. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. hard. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. L S 23. Really? His eyes light up. hey.WHACK -. to see that Peter is chasing her. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Shane turns. And then it hits Shane. PAPERBOY (O. just as -. wearing a towel as a sheet. His head shifts. LULU This house is haunted. Peter! screams.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. INT. I don't know. Lulu hides behind Shane. HALLWAY .the rumble of a car approaching. Lulu SHANE Hey. He rushes for the front door.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. Peter Booos again. He pretends to be a ghost. Daddy even said so.

Zoe whispers. When he hears an alert from his laptop. MR. She screams. T IGHT . appears.a creak.. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. feeling. all the way down. Nothing. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.Shane walks slowly down the hall.ZOE AND TODD . I INT..! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. ZOE Here he comes. Then -. STAIRWAY . The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Searching. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. Shane scans it.. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. He RAPS again. scanning the ceiling. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. pushing. inally.. carrying a huge laundry basket. BANGING her head and ass on each step. listening for hollow spaces. He goes back to the living room. F . As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.. then turns his attention to his laptop.. as laundry flutters down from above.

til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. They wait patiently -. Then looks back to the paperwork. but can't get the page to turn.They gulp. then licks his finger to turn the page. I can't. He licks his finger again. 25. . Not in Switzerland. we're going to have to file a complaint. If we can't get some faster service.DAY Establishing. He jumps to his feet. ZOE Uh-oh. this is an urgent matter. terrified. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. The Banker looks at him blankly. mouthing along in FRENCH. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. Bill can't stand it anymore. looking jet-lagged. It's taking him a LONG time. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. He feebly gets up. SWISS BANK . INT. EXT. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. He seems to be about 100 years old. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. BANKER Marcel! out. SWISS BANK .DAY Bill and Julie.

remain calm -- 26.Shane tries to block her path. the chief does not speak English. HELGA I am calm. JULIE Thank you. MARCEL. grabbing her foot.Another Banker. He grabs her suitcase. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. heads to the door -. PLUMMER HOUSE . As soon as your background checks clear. Oui. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. The duck flies around. RING! Amid the will have access to the box tout-suite. Shane picks up the receiver.SAME TIME Helga. suitcases in hand. He DRAGS her back. Shane moves for the phone. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. SHANE (CONT'D) . Peter's in the aquarium. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. As she tries to wrestle it away. But I can tell you -. enters. Shane dives. Suddenly. The suitcase handle breaks off. and Helga dashes for the door. How long is that? INT. QUACKING. I QUIT. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.

. HOUSE .. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. CRUNCH.everything's fine. Shane hangs up the phone.Helga falls forwards. Shane lets go. Plummer. that landed on a diaper. and Shane falls back.Ah. Mrs. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care.. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. against the counter.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab.. Helga struggles to get him off. EXT. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Just doing my. Mrs. 27. Shane body-checks it closed. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . He picks up his hand. Helga scampers out the door. Duty. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Plummer. (covering the phone.

INT. He drops his head.. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. ANGLE . In the meantime.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. ANGLE . we're just gonna have some more big fun.SHANE Rises... LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. dumbfounded. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. takes a deep breath and strides inside.Helga jumps in the cab.he slowly glances up. to find the kids are all gloomy. . in the rear window. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. she'll come back. listen up. baby cries. There's been a change of plans.. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. The 28. Then -. defeated. SHANE Okay.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. Helga glares back. if she loves you. HOUSE .

Nobody will help. HEY! Even Peter runs.SHANE He gulps. nice moment.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. 29. All for one. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. your enthusiasm.. INT. BATHROOM . everyone bolts from the room. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time.. Pure self-preservation. SShane GROANS. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. CLOSE-UP . . holding his nose. And then -. Using the tools as chopsticks. SHANE flops open. takes a deep breath.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. inundated. Only then can we rise to the challenge. repelled. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. Until -. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. I'm Navy.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body.

he looks down to see Lulu. INT. Shane tries approaching -. HALLWAY . he looks around for a solution. Lulu is in her pj's. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. LULU Hi. over and over and over. Aghast. Lulu follows at his heels.he can't do it. I think you're cute.. 30. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers.) Thank you. Lulu doesn't go away.. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. . then FLUSHES. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. SHANE (unsure how to respond.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. like a puppy. She follows. she just stares at him. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.SHANE The things I do for my country. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt.

The kids sit down at their designated spots. and shuts off her light. 31. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. The Kids stare at "'s time for you take a nappypoo. little girl.Shane walks room to room." dubious. I can get lots more of those. pulling down the shades on every window. All the lights are out. like he's an idiot. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. Todd. Shane smiles. and patrols. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. all the kids asleep.BREAKFAST . confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. KITCHEN . On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. in beddibye land. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. INT. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. . proud of his accomplishment. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. And I've survived off this stuff for months. Lulu looks at him. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed.

. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. He runs away. Shane turns to Lulu. So -. We're gonna pull together. .. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. all for one.. Your mama -.. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.. LULU . Shane sighs. you go out. you stay in. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. If I say in. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking's how it's gonna be. then at Tyler -. ZOE He's only not here to take care of you now.. (then:) Yes.. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. Wanna see? Negative.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. one for all.. And the phone rings. I can cross my eyes. dancing. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. trying to hear over the screaming. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. Peter stands in his chair. crying. Peter starts bawling. The table cloth is yanked to the floor.. ladies.. if I say out. too. Shane answers.

Oh. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside.. GARAGE .M. It just doesn't add up. With your . into a TINY parking spot -. EXT. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb.. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.. He hangs up.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. INT. you and Todd are expelled.h. perfect parallel park. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . GARAGE . He wants to see you in his office. Zoe smiles at him. Shane fumbles with it for a while.. Thank you. SHANE Not on my watch. A big suburban school. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. backwards at sixty m.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive..9:29 A. innocently. EXT. LULU We're gonna be late.. legal guardian. The Minivan skids completely sideways. Across his chest. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. It hits ZERO. I know it's Monday. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. and at that . Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN.. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .. INT.p. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. dramatically unveiling Shane. sir. yes.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens.a death defying. He said if you're late again.

You're in my house now. . a few days.P in charge of discipline. Plummer finally listened. as he plays on the floor. K thru 12. Murney is unimpressed. Shane. V. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. The Kids are seated around him. I'm Murphy. mortified. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . He glares at Shane. conduct and truancy. He's HUGE and mean. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. boy. Top to bottom. son? SHANE Wolfe. Duane. whatever work you can get. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. Lieutenant. Murney is furious. I coach wrestling. She's attractive. The Kids crack up. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. Well. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Looks like Mrs.. tough. assured.. They're the worst students in my school.moment. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Out of twenty-three. they needed a parole officer. too. He withers. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. holding Peter on a harness.

Claire sees this -. The opens the door for Murney. Get moving. I am in charge of. The teens hustle off to their classes. fuming. staring him up and down. SHANE Red 1.Good morning kids. Good. as he casually holds the three kids.. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. Mrs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So... Red 2. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . Lieutenant. impressed.. BELL rings. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. confidential:) My informant's about to crack.and suddenly reacts. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. I think I can handle this from here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. She told me all about you. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining.. 34. Plummer. What are you doing in my office. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. that as vice principal.two little red DOTS move away. He exits. Plummer called my captain. Principal Claire eyeballs him. You see. (then. Shane checks his TRACKER -. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay.

Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service.. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. She lifts her pants leg. The 35... (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. Welcome aboard.. Just try not to frighten the children. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. dead serious. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. So. and the way I run my school. SHANE Can't be too careful. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. Courage. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. Service paid for my college. On the spot. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. SHANE . SHANE ...MID-MORNING seeShane. Claire looks nervously around..(Shane nods. That's the way I live my life.. SHANE "Honor. to balance Shane. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .

.. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Save us both a world of pain. turns her back to him embarrassed. Now -. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. Todd. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Zoe. in line to get lunch.V. Shane closes the computer.V. picks up a pair of binoculars. does the same. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. in Shane puts down his binoculars. .last time: Open the hanger. Black Hawk coming in.O. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Todd. Official Business. He turns to the person front of him. CAFETERIA . BINOCULARS P. INT. with stern intensity. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three.. SHANE Give up now. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat.Clean as a whistle. two. yanks his hood over his head. 36 . like a tether ball. sitting in the back row of a class. Beside Shane. delighted. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.: Five hundred students eat at long tables..O. one.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. He checks his tracking device. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class.

I'm impressed.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. Claire smiles. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. Mr.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face.but you're pretty good at this. (she toasts. Sure.. He yanks Tyler away from him.. Can I call you Shane? . Shane sighs. ignoring him. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. (she looks at his chair) Well. man. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. SHANE Hey -. I guess. you don't..I out rank you. . You're on dry land. Tyler laughs. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. Seriously.) Shane. Principal Claire smiles. When you agreed to serve your country. not so dry where you're sitting.Tyler gurgles. with milk. A whole day. lieutenant. Oh. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness.. huh? Shane gives her a look. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. 37. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. you know..

Murney smirks. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. Personally . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. I don't care who starts it.That's. impressed. VP Murney is watching. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. Look at him. INT. in the crowd. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. unusual. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. cheering. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. and "punches fists" with him.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence.. but not stopping it. LUNCH-LINE . the crowd freezes. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. MURNEY He did.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Zoe. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students.. As soon as they see the Principal.. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. next week's tournament is off. and the sound of Students in an uproar. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. MURNEY You heard the lady. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. (Todd) 38. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.

. flinch. . sticking the landing. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Nice control. yeah. Todd lunges at him. Maybe some other time then. The Bell rings. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. (low.Todd lands on his feet. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. SHANE . That's right. Boys'll be boys. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite.. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Don't even think it. Murney approaches Shane.I think that's a little harsh. sir. Murney. Sorry. I forgot you had to baby-sit. the crowd breaks up. stopping an inch from Shane's head. man.. promise I'll go easy on you.. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Frogman -. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. I'm on duty. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . MURNEY Pretty slick.. He'd kill you so fast. 39 .. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.I'm a black belt myself. MURNEY Oh. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. what do you say? Come on. Maybe you could stop by practice.

Have fun.. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. following his tracking device. Then Shane smells what she means -. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. holding Tyler out like a grenade. doing a shoulder roll.CONTINUOUS . another dollar twenty. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3.Tyler's diaper is full.change him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. for one who'll eat.. SHANE Oh -. Shane recoils in disgust. minus taxes. It leads him to a door.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Roger that.. SCHOOL HALLWAY . The Principal strolls up. Emergency! SHANE INT. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM .. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Panicked. Bathroom's down the hall. But.. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box.INT. and not cry. 40. He bursts though it.. as he keeps watch. Not my job. Just then. INT. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. Tyler is crying. Uh. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Lt.

41. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. He blasts through a red light. Lulu is in front of the class.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . EXT. through the fence.the Class applauds. Shane makes a right. EXT. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. He hands her to the Principal.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. He speeds away after them. Thanks. Shane is furious.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . his Tracker Alarm sounds again. almost tipping the minivan. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. BUSY INTERSECTION . HALLWAY . with the Panic Button in her hand. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. CONSTRUCTION SITE .MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Shane lands in fight stance -. I INT. but the FINAL BELL rings. At that moment.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. SHANE EXT.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. He leaps out of the minivan. EXT. racing down the road ahead of Shane. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. are heading away from the school fast. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. They make a sharp right.

ANGLE . SEWER . then checks his tracker. Shane trudges through the river of muck. INT. He winces. SQUISHY footsteps. From outside. and charges through. . A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.SHANE He's alone. IN THE MANHOLE . No sweat. Shane pries off the manhole cover. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down.It's dark and dank. all brandishing tools. and the sound of OMINOUS. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.then gasps -. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. they hear the front door open. Shane easily takes them out.section.LIVING ROOM . Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. PLUMMER HOUSE .the DOTS are CLOSE. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. Three Workers rush him. It's horrific. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. Shane lowers himself down.then RUN. INT. feet away. you're about to get a beat down.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. then checks the tracker -. He catches his breath. He takes a deep breath and dives under.

. weird hair. If you need anymore help. INT. INT. The Cop turns to Shane. KITCHEN . revealing Shane. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. Covering her nose.. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. The Cop looks at them. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. Everyone gasps.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair.. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. looking like a Swamp Creature. BACK YARD . 16 year old female. Todd stiffens. . Ditto. She practically GAGS as she passes him.Then the door swings open.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. BATHROOM .. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. then covers their noses. The Cop leaves. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. The smell is BAD.LATER Shane is in the shower.b. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. use our nonemergency number.p. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. Zoe fixes her hair. thank you. .. he doesn't say anything. with a smirk. 43 INT. Zoe checks him out as he goes. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. Call.

we can't go the Jamboree. LULU We have to. He looks at it. INT. LULU I can't. SHANE (O. If we don't sell enough cookies. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. cringing in disgust.a dozen little girls in uniforms..) Get rid of them. They won't be home `til ten.all junk food. in just a towel. they're staring at him. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . pulling Lulu after him. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. You gotta help me out. and whistle. close to tears. (whispers:) Come on. 4 .CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. Monday. FAMILY ROOM . Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. The Brownies applaud. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. Mom's our den mother. 4.. And it's not like I have any other friends. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. Shane. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. He sees on the fridge.Shane enters.S. They already think I'm a loser. it's Monday. Lulu starts to sniffle.

... INT. then drills it into place. he's a total psycho. back in "uniform. Zoe's on the phone. They are assembled. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. INT. yeah. SHANE Good. SHANE Alright. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. He's not just locking them -. ladies. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow.Lulu's about to burst into tears. I'm scared of you. getting ready to go. KITCHEN . Tonight. unpacking boxes of cookies.wait here. Shane sighs. ZOE ..MOMENTS LATER Shane. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. LIVING ROOM . Indian Style. . Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. Now -. the other to his back. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. at attention.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. revving a cordless POWER DRILL." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. Shane blows passed her. Here's how it's gonna be. do as I say. I'm gonna be your den -commander... Shane ushers the Troop out the door. ZOE'S BEDROOM .A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. BROWNIE Den Mother? . INT. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.

EXT.. Zoe picks up the phone. but they're . GROCERY STORE . he's got us on lock-down. it's like Oz or something. the camera CRANES up to. INT. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. SHANE I gotta get supplies. EXT..MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. He smiles.PARKING LOT . I dunno if that's a good idea.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies."what are you.. but if anything happens..MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. He sees: a huge... hits speed-dial.nothing even looks like food. nuts?" EXT. DRIVEWAY .. I can see you through the window. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. 4 EXT. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz.. Tyler looks at him -. He looks around at the bright. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. GROCERY STORE . Snack packs. GROCERY STORE .5. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. No. ZOE .. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside..AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. NOTHING looks familiar -. as he pushes a cart into the store.. GROCERY STORE .MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. Scott. (she listens:) Hm.

. I haven't seen anybody. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. He rips it open. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. EXT. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. GROCERY STORE . SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. chubby CUB SCOUTS.noticing very shy. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. . How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. before I get my face punching badge on you. and lets her go.. you Skeever? . clutching their boxes. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT .. but can't get away.. The Cub Scouts high-five.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. They're headed straight towards the cookie table.. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.. One of the Brownies spots something. menacingly. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. He laughs. Finally.she tugs and tugs. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. they're back. One The Brownies take off running. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.

I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. Around his neck.A LITTLE LATER . Get in the car. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Cheese MANAGER. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. He wears . The Brownies scream. CHUCK E. trembling. Shane's monitor starts beeping. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. PARKING LOT . BROWNIES No! Shane stops. 47. If I don't come back -avenge my death. EXT. you're supposed to take us to dinner. Where? SHANE INT.22's.2ND SCOUT Nope. He bends down. we're going home. The Brownies are huddled behind it. and points at Lulu's Panic button. He firmly tells Lulu. Not cookies. He heads toward the Scouts. CHEESE .DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. I'm here to protect you.

A LITTLE LATER: 48. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice.braces and head-gear. Cheese! Wider reveals.. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. Cheese automaton band JAMS.. Lulu approaches. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. skee Brownies are running around... MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated.CHAOS. Shane's watching Peter. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. On stage. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. this much cyanide. This much The Manager laughs. the Chuck E. playing video games and ball. The Manager approaches Shane. .. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle.. which causes him to lisp. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya.

They begin. then cracks her in half over his knee. The second round starts. spins her. Nobody can jump thirty feet. He cracks his knuckles. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. He steps up to the machine.LULU I pressed two player. Unless you're scared. LULU The Hulk can. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Shane doesn't like the sound of that.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. My joystick's broken. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Lulu picks a small female character. He checks over his shoulder -. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Shane even get one punch in -.. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Shane is taking it really seriously. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Then he a joy stick. . SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Round three starts.she pins him to the ground. SHANE That's not fair. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. then kicks him in the face. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Lulu screams out with her fighter. stretches. I thought you liked combat. and then a kick in the face.. kneels on his head. He's really mad.

. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. jumping.. swinging and missing..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. Shane's working the joy stick hard. HOTEL ROOM . Shane's really fuming. INTERCUT WITH: INT. LULU You're not even trying.LIVING ROOM . 50. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.. oops too slow. Sparks fly.. He is KO'd. the Zhouse is quiet.. ZOE . She keeps dancing. come on -.... LULU Too slow.. it's my job to worry. ZOE Mom -.. PLUMMER HOUSE .stop worrying. INT. but he can't hit her. It's really annoying. Lulu's having fun now..CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. He and the Brownies sneak away. slamming buttons.. while he pounds the buttons.take a shot. its joystick dangling by its wires.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. leaving the sizzling machine. swing and a miss. dancing.

JULIE It's only a few more days. this is outta hand. She turns to Scott.The Plummer House: .LIVING ROOM .in my cell. INT. . kids everywhere. Don't worry.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. Tonight I'm just doing homework -..CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. counting them. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). who doesn't seem concerned at all.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. up. ZOE Dude. And the folks who read my BLOG. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. ZOE I know. 51. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. we're okay. everything's cool. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . VARIOUS SHOTS . I hate leaving you. loads Brownies into the minivan. Zoe rolls her eyes. not cool. The guy's just a control freak. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.Seriously. but you know I have to do this. EXT. MALL PARKING LOT . PLUMMER HOUSE .. I love you. ZOE Dude. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH.

except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. MANAGER Relax. SHANE Inexcusable. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. Whoa. gasping.. Not okay.. SHANE . move! Go go! EXT. the Brownies follow. Shane grimaces. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. Silence. freestyling in the ball pool -. We see what he forgot: PETER. S 52. He's still down there. INT. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. The Manager is watching him. move. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. He holds his breath. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles.LATER . out away from him. Suddenly. again.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives.they almost always do.not okay..DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. to leave a man behind like that.. SUBURBAN ROAD . CHEESE . He disappears under the balls -. He's holding the diaper. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. CHUCK E.for a long time.. is fine.Move. He charges across the room with the diaper. and goes down for the diaper..

then RUN. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. vents. CLUB lock off the door.then CRUSHES the ball. Outraged. we're gonna do this . PLUMMER HOUSE . as he pulls up in the Minivan.KITCHEN . Everyone recoils from the horrible sound..and groans in disbelief.J.. jocks throwing footballs. scared. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Shane snatches it mid-air -. PLUMMER HOUSE . AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in... making out. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. trying to understand.. Now. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. Reeling. He protectively guides them past the craziness -.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. Peter and Tyler up the path. Scott. EXT. 53. Shane takes Lulu..CONTINUOUS Inside is worse.'s turntables.. at a full run. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. windows. Party's over. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. peeing in the bushes. chugging drinks. a total wreck.. He gets out -. INT.

ladies. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. Clean. through binoculars. He holds it up to a KID. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. labeled with a Sharpie. and walk out of sight. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. He hands Scott the mop. SHANE (CONT'D) Start highway option.CONTINUOUS . INT. Shane goes over them.then he notices something. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S..NIGHT Shane inspects the house. furiously clean. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. He lifts the sofa..SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. He fumes. Scott and Zoe. mopping.. In a bathroom. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. They see Shane find the CD. straightening -. Oh my god. as kids clean. CUT EXT. Shane's eyes narrow.. PLOP. trying to maintain his way -. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet.. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. Miserable TEENS scrub. residue. PLUMMER HOUSE . in Playtex gloves. he takes it off. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Scott gulps . It reads: GHOST.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54.

VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. PLUMMER HOUSE . Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. outside the bathroom door. (Announces:) Company. where she throws up. PLUMMER HOUSE . helpless. Zoe gets up. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. INT.into the bathroom. After a beat. CUT TO: EXT. Rambo. Shane . ZOE . He heads upstairs.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket.. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. Shane stands. downstairs! He walks down the hall. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. ZOE I do too respect myself. and screams in Shane's face. They show no respect for you or your house. Zpounding on doors. Thanks a lot. shaky and furious. Shane hands her a handkerchief. sits down. You're like a robot. furniture polished. Todd picks her up. Zoe blows past him -. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. you hate us. Scott's the last one to leave. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. My friends will never come here again. she pukes again.... ueasy. Because you have no respect for yourself. Lulu's crying. Lulu and Todd step into the hall.

Suddenly -. The Ninjas attack. They leap down after him. Suddenly.the three fight. I'm not the man for this job.. He goes down. Go to your rooms. talking doesn't do any good. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. SHANE Puberty. TWO NINJAS. Not even from the enemy. Don't worry. all in black BURST in through the window. tired) It's Scott. fiercely -. Shane spins in fight-stance. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs.they're good. Wielding with great skill.. pounding him with their . The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. as soon as your mom comes back. SHANE You're right.. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. close-quarters and fast.the power goes out. NINJA GHOST -. I'm gone... LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect.55..hand it over! staffs. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. Red 1.

facing them. toys fly... Shane fends the Ninjas off. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. blinding him.. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. avoiding Legos. fiercely. SHANE Okay -. and flings them all over the floor.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over.then the Ninjas charge. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. With his foot. several FURBIES hit the floor. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -.. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. and grabs it. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. it makes a silly thunk. PLAYROOM . WHACK. Shane crashes down. and uses them both to fend off blows. .who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.knocking him into. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. Shane runs to the changing table. The Ninjas move towards him -.. They step back. He pulls the string. a squeezes .like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. he hits a Ninja in the head.. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. 56 INT.

Shane bangs the window sill.. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. It's okay.. and Shane sees he's now alone. that your father invented. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them.. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. He hugs them. INT. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. He sprays it in Shane's face. HALLWAY . Todd and Zoe enter..? SHANE They're looking for a program. SHANE Shhh. . He squints. He runs to the broken window. bawling.then the door creaks open.SHANE 57.. terrified. He A long pause -. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. quietly knocks. Then. disappointed to have lost them.. Shane isn't sure what to do..SECONDS LATER Composing himself. SHANE It's safe. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. he hugs Peter and Lulu.. He really hugs them. You can open up. The cloud dissipates. blinded. Kids. Shane approaches Zoe's door. TODD Who were they? What did they want. ANGLE . SHANE I'm not going anywhere. fearful...

Zoe answers it. I'll listen to you too. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I..MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. all smiles. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. Soon. INT... Zoe laughs: she can't help it. and do what I say.. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. CLOSE-UP . eye to eye. it's been a long night. "Unchained Melody. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. Then. Deal? Truce -. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. 58.. The kids shudder. Shane is furious -. They hug him tighter.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. He looks Zoe. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Then. relieved. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. They want this. startled.then they hug him.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. SHANE They're not after you. as long as I'm here.. you listen to me.a long pause.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. the other kids join in. From now on. They shake -. But nothing's gonna happen to you. LIVING ROOM . And I'm not going anywhere. absolutely nothing pottery ." And then.they all jump. Shane offers his hand to shake. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. too.

SHANE No . But we're not sure what it is. The minivan pulls up. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. They were looking for GHOST. EXT. Don't worry -. SHANE (very genuine) . JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. students run in to school. Plummer. Shane takes the phone. Nope. yes and no. They're gone.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. SCHOOL . metal two pronged KEY.. It looks like some kind of "key". everyone's fine.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. INTERCUT: INT.. SHANE Mrs. She holds up the strange. and Shane emerges with the five kids. but they didn't find it.MORNING Early morning.we'll be just fine. .happened you should worry about. We just don't know what its for. as soon as the customs paperwork's okay. You have any luck? JULIE Well.. two men tried to get into the house tonight.. HOTEL ROOM . We found something in the box..

She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. ANGLE on Lulu.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). reacting each time she HITS the gas. They look concerned. LULU'S CLASSROOM . Peter 60 She smiles. MURNEY . making a mess of an egg. ANGLE on Shane. He dips an INT. Principal Claire next to him. LULU'S CLASSROOM . who sits in the back.. EXT. SHANE Don't worry. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. An obstacle course with cones. Shane nods. she wrecked a driver's Ed.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. Shane stands off to the side. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR.. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. He is gesticulating. and smiles at Shane.she'll pay for the damage.. then BRAKES. Zoe sits in a folding chair. "yeah. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . I know it's good. a crazed TEACHER next to her. sunglasses on. . squashed at a little desk. Murney stands." Then.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. egg in some purple dye. SCREAMING.DAY Driver's Ed. mortified. HITS the gas. car -.. shaking his head.INT. then BRAKES. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. So. Lulu's classmates all chant. THE GYM .

Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he's the boy.. (pulls Shane aside.I'm a bit concerned. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal.. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off... SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. And that's not all. giving him a "skinhead" look..but this is just sick. but -.. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. Todd enters. Shane scowls. what's going on. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.. and Shane walks them out. .yes. it's not that -. Todd and Zoe stand to go. what do you expect. Shane stops.) See if you can talk to the boy. But this. He does always miss sixth period. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. No. SHANE He's not a NAZI. 61.That? Lady drivers. I was doing a little recon in his locker. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. Zoe shrugs. boys will be boys -. Murney calls into the hallway. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.. Shane gives Zoe a look.. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. and I'm not sure what to do.

I promise I won't hurt you. and leaves. I'll show you a couple moves. kicking him in the BACK.. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back.that whole family's no good. MURNEY You're a good man. Without warning. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. and Murney chases after him. MURNEY It's a date then. if you ask me. and keeps walking.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. 62. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. we'll give these boys a treat. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. SHANE Another time. Murney laughs. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . Shane trips forwards to his knees. as he passes. Shane. SHANE I'll talk to him. huh? (Shane ignores him.. maybe.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Kung team: Shane walks away. stretching. Shane walks the kids out. and leaps at Shane.

SHANE Smart kid. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. The window is wide open. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane parks. He sees Zoe. do your homework. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. keeping the contact. preheat the oven. you're in charge. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. Murney his head. running around the corner.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. Keep all doors sealed. signal me. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. but instead he takes a deep breath. TODD'S ROOM . It's pink. EXT. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. INT. and leaves. On the corner. He enters. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. so the alarm didn't go off. SHANE Wait Todd. he can see Todd. Shane looks out the window -. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. I want to talk to you... It's small for him.shakes Shane turns back. peering out her window. He starts to shut the window. PLUMMER HOUSE . and snickers to his Team. Nothing. Shane screws the window shut. with a flowered basket.far down the block. It looks like Shane might fight. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. Shane hops out the window. but he . Todd runs towards the house.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

weird or something? 66 .. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Todd looks devastated -. TODD . or not? Everyone nods.. BEAT. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU.What if. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. Shane straightens up. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape.. Liesl chimes in. Shane's glare. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. they quickly assemble on stage. He smiles. they're not sure what to do.. show's off.. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. Shane looks at the Cast.. LIESL We don't have a director.. Chicks dig guys who can dance..only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. it's over.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around... girls'll think I'm.. SHANE COMPANY -.. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.. Shane shakes his head. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Todd looks up at Shane..

. He turns out the light. YES WHAT? SHANE .UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I know it's no big deal.. He peeks in -. I called him in his room..Yes. LULU'S ROOM .. He hears Zoe in her room. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. Shane exits.. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. furious. another girl picked up the phone. SHANE Okay. BREAKING something. angrily. ZOE . It's stupid.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. Scott. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. No wait! . 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR..LATER .. SHANE .. I don't know why I let it get to me. I promise.. INT. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing.. I won't touch him. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT.

.Uh. To find a secret gnome.. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. As Shane finishes the story. he illustrates. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.. I 6 . (MORE) T S L 8.. ULU Tell me a story. Let's see. facility. Shane looks at her surprised. and they came in from the north. Stumped... setting up the scene with three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. Once there was a family of Elves. He sits on the bed. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. Uranium... So -they waited for cloud cover. the little Elf family -. Went into the magic forest.Shane tucks Lulu into bed.. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. The elves had to go in and take it out. on Lulu's floor.

Peter starts bawling.. SHANE Oh. Then. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Even.Rodriquez.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. And not one Elf got left behind that day.. c'mon.. Lulu's fallen asleep.. ... from across the hall. or he won't stop.. TODD You have to do the dance.. the teeniest little elf of all -. S 69. and whispers to Peter. He made it up for him. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . and do the Panda Dance.. The wails get louder and LOUDER. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story.. Peter WAILS. head in the door.. Like dad used to do. INT. I can't remember that thing.mean standing. And you ain't got a chance. TODD I'll write it down for you..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. lower than the floor... We got `em all. Todd calls from the doorway. Shane sighs. NURSERY .

through the mirror. Shane turns and catches Mr. terrified. Chun. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Humiliated. The Kids sit bolt upright. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Peter applauds. (He does. just like the crabs do. Shane hops forward three times. PLUMMER HOUSE . .MORNING .. He sings again. They turn to Zoe. GARAGE . Zoe realizes he's staring at her. T the A 70. He does the dance as he sings. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Shane. mortified.. SHANE Today you drive.. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Shane crab-walks sideways.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. She gets out in shock. Chun gets his paper. (Tyler in the snuggle). with her Gameboy. Lulu is next to him. staring.THE NEXT DAY As Mr.) EXT. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. Zoe and Peter are half asleep.Shane sighs.. and gets in the driver's seat.

. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Lulu and Todd are terrified. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car.. Touched. Zoe backs jerkily out. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Shane is nervous..CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Shane is shaky. I trust you. Keep going. The Kids share a dubious look. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. but trying not to show it. INT. jerkily. Zoe is surprised.... Exactly. no. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. S P . just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.ZOE But -.I can't even pass driver's Ed. not the road. MINIVAN . She pulls out. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me.

BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Shane lets him down and heads into school. severe stare) Now. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Very funny. Chastened. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Claire strides into view.71. Shane jumps out of the car. SHANE Good. Before Scott knows what's happened. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. terrified.. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. CAFETERIA . T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Zoe smiles... Next lesson. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. laughing.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Scott's terrified. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . being obnoxious. EXT. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Shane spots something. KIDS boisterously run past. INT. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. 1500 hours. Shane unclenches his teeth. hey head into the school. with a few FRIENDS. Broken promises lead to broken legs.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Shane's . the kids gulp and orderly march away..Claire BARKS out. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. ZOE Ha ha ha. and a little make-up. Suddenly -. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. She's wearing a cute dress. trembling.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well." In one move. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . Noon and none of them have been called to my office. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. Love it when he does that. S he sits beside him.. too. you never know who you're going to run into.. him by the ear.. dragging . He smiles back. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. She smiles. Shane`s not so good at small talk. impressed.. Wow. She's waiting for him to say... S T P . Suddenly. and offers him a milk. Shane leaps over the table. It's a miracle. Principal Claire sighs "not again.eyes alight. something. sailor? Thanks. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. SHANE hey eat in silence.

. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. Murney. Todd looks.. Talk. TODD Hey. boy.. . I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. I want to sing. intimidated.Murney shoves Todd forward. MURNEY Winners never quit. Murney gets up in Shane's face... M 73. No one's sure they heard him right. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Freak? The Students snicker. Murney turns around. Silence. Yeah I do. Then: TODD I am not scared. I'm right here. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.. MURNEY I've had it. I. It opens Friday. What're you so scared of. I quit. now it all makes sense. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to.

M urney looks over at the Team. Todd's telling the truth. Your ass is mine. The Gym. You win. He storms out. You Let's do it. The whole team wants to quit.face to face.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house.Shane steps them. protecting him. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. Murney looks around. furious -URNEY So -. His voice cracks -. Everyone is watching. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. swarm Todd. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school.and then a mob of Students. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. humiliated. So calm. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. Murney did not expect to be called're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing reads: . There is a stunned moment -. taking flyers. TODD There is a man in my house -. it's scary S 74. They look to the ground sheepishly. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -.

"Murney's getting his ass kicked. Murney bounds to his feet. M URNEY on. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. rushes Shane. hard." INT. Murney. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. and sweeps Murney -. shocked.3:00 mat. 3:00. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. and they head out. Todd cheers Shane on. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. WHAM. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. quietly twitching on the ground.sending him right into the wall. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Shane side-steps. grabs onto Murney's waist. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. GYM . Todd flops to the mat. The bleachers are PACKED. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Murney lands on his back. S 75.BAM. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. mumbling something.

fascinated. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. BUGS.Dislocated nerve. No brownies edible. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. 76 SHANE either. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. The crowd cheers.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. She gives him a thumbs up. that's all. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. FOREST . too. TO: EXT. Claire. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. They walk out. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . . LULU We're Brownies. If you're not sure. When I Rwanda. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. Todd. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. I got my troops waiting. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. TODD That was awesome.

. MALL PARKING LOT . and. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. the Girls PUNCH. KICK.fascinated.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. she burns rubber. in between punches. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. OLD FACTORY .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. PLUMMER HOUSE .DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows..He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. He illustrates the stage directions. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. here. in perfect tempo. NURSERY .she hits EVERY ONE -.. here at the top of the stairs.we'll put Von Trapps here. KICK." INT. He laughs at his own joke.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. Zoe . Shane holds a stopwatch. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. PUNCH..FRONT LAWN . EXT. he reaches out and rocks it. The Kids don't get it. In unison. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. He signals her. INT. PUNCH.. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. The Duck watches all this -. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. MALL PARKING LOT .. this way -and the Von Trapp is set.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. EXT.

MALL PARKING LOT . EXT. T I E 77.. PLUMMER HOUSE . Hands a T . ODD .. NURSERY . as and then her BROWNIE uniform. The Brownies attack.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. INT. your life little girl. They watch closely. she only clips one. Shane gives her a signal..BACK YARD . but doesn't fall. He counts begins wriggling free.FRONT LAWN . OLD FACTORY .DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.. EXT.DAY -"1.3. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches... is an empty page/that men will want to write on.out and weaves the cones.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards." Lulu. PLUMMER HOUSE ..DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. mercilessly. EXT. it teeters. INT.2. in we WIDEN back. blur.

Then he tucks Peter in. NURSERY . He kisses Peter on the forehead. he almost bursts into tears. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. Todd tries the kick. daddy. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. adding a James Brown flourish. but blows it. now and then. Peter Panda. Shane is so touched. Again. He does a spin kick. U Shane BLOWS the whistle.he's got it down. Graceful. Peter. SHANE I'm not your daddy. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE.huh? Now. But sweet dreams. THUD! Gazelle. 8. odd tries the spinning kick.EVENING . SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib." Singing and doing all the moves -. INT. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. Graceful. Peter. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.hard. "PRICE CLUB" STORE .

see them. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.. striking a cool pose. Across the lot. scary. You're gonna have to pay for that.. As he's comparing prices -. In one move. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. she wraps it around his arm. INT. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. he lands on the ground hard. She shoves a cookie in his mouth.MOMMY! She lets him go -. tying him. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. the Brownies have moved into a ready to a FLIP. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. wearing the double snuggle. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. S SHANE That's my troop. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . at their own table. but like lightning. The Scouts share a look -. the Chubby Cub Scouts. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. proud. 9. The Scout struggles.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. FORMATION.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison.he sees.they LAUGH. He smiles. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. The . the Other Scouts are scared.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

WITH: J INT. ANGLE . INT. OE I never even got to say good bye.soldier. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. A tear runs down Zoe's face. The phone rings. we're on the first plane in the morning. happy. EXT. HOTEL . She throws her arms around Shane. JULIE The red tape is cleared up.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . talking excitedly.SHANE He's left alone. BACK YARD . the kids are all abuzz. J 82. Shane answers it.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. HALLWAY .MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall.

Three squares a day. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. hane rises. with. Kids to play S . INT. he Duck stares. Shane turns. Suddenly. unblinking.NIGHT hane turns the light on. He pets the Duck. No reason for personal attachments.The house is dark. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Gary sits in the next chair. Shane sighs morosely.. GARAGE . the Duck starts quacking. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. SHANE Just another assignment. your wings aren't clipped. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Shane sits in a lawn chair..

revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. Lulu hands him a tool. he floor opens. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. INT...MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. crack the lock all night. only It's solid and inscrutable. leading below the garage. unsuccessfully. Nothing. and then it gives. Shane looks on stunned. Shane steps down it. The wheel spins. . GARAGE . DISSOLVE INT. INTERC UT: B harder. He tries muscles rippling..CONTINUOUS There's a small room. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. The Kids are watching his progress. He's been trying... shines it down the grate. we see a CRANK WHEEL. The break in its surface is a strange. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. Shane dials a phone.. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. BOTTOM OF STAIRS .. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it.. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. No hinges or cracks. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. TO: to S 84.SHANE What happened.

Julie sits beside him. relieved. Do you have it? SHANE No. TO: INT. he answers it.. Bill's cell phone rings. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. excited. can't crack it.. W e PUSH INTO the house. pleased. I've been trying all night. Except for -. An ominous pause. Okay. SEDAN . CHUN CUT BACK .. towards the neighbor's house. Away from Shane.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. MRS. and hangs up. Through a window. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. TO: INT. She looks stricken. Bill reacts. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. BILL .CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. GHOST. Then we slowly MOVE UP. GARAGE .Lulu. I think I found GHOST. sir.. GARAGE . Everyone reacts happily. We'll be there shortly -.EXT. It's in a steel vault. After we turn this in to my CO.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. Silently spying on Shane..don't do anything `til I get there. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. don't do anything further..

in shock. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.they hear. Julie and Bill hop out. should be home soon. JULIE'S HOUSE . Kids singing a beautiful..MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. I 85. he has no answer. KIDS VOICES . BILL What's wrong? They listen -..V. INT. in the next room. The rug is vacuumed. Bill is carrying her suitcases.O. Shane -. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. SHANE You guys better get ready.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music).does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . J JULIE'S P.: The house is spotless. The fish tank is clear. comes into the dark hall. Lulu? You should be happy. She trails off..SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. so they probably trashed the place. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. Tongue-tied.SHANE He goes silent. LULU But. HOUSE .

. a capella) . Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. with songs they have sung. Lieutenant. She sees. ZOE Welcome home. then salutes back) Good job. Julie starts bawling. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. The Kids rush forward and hug her.. picture- . INT. Dumb-struck. Shane sees Bill enter. no dishes in the sink.(singing. for a thousand years. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. Lulu has bows in her hair. Bill steadies her. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly.. S SHANE Captain.. Zoe is in a conservative dress.. She staggers to. smiling.. KITCHEN . DINING ROOM . INT. featuring Todd.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Across the room. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME.. ( B 6. mom. BILL (he smiles wryly. Peter is fresh faced. 8 JULIE almost faints. Julie goes to the..

reluctant.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. I'm giving you your choice of assignment.. BILL I should hope not. GARAGE . a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. Bill holds the pronged key. Don't get me wrong. surprised. Bill stops. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. pause) But I'll have to think about it. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. SHANE That's kind of you. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . S S 87. Suddenly.. And I think I want to explore that some more. Sir.. You just name it. all I've never known is the military.. Shane continues. anywhere you want.INT. Shane. ILL I'm really proud of you. an ANGRY VOICE.

CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. Things are spinning. hane takes control! He smiles. Shane shoots Bill a glance. confused. and Mrs. He is losing consciousness.. .when suddenly. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. There were delays.. Shane peers in confusion..... B 88. while SLAMMING their heads together.. and starts to fall. Chun. Disoriented. reaching for Bill's key.SHANE Lights out. CLOSE-UP .Shane and Bill spin. relishing a second of glory -. SHANE'S POV woozy.. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. GUNS DRAWN.. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Mr. MRS. startled. Mrs. he looks up as he drops. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. startled. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. then passes out. He takes a submissive position. Chun comes closer. He turns....

GARAGE . The Kids are furious. closing the window shades. They whimper.. Chun approach the steel door. Charles trusted you. Chun) secures the room. FADE IN: INT. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. INT. with two . (to Mr. tied up.. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. 8 Bill grins.BLACK. Bill checks the knots binding the children.. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. The Korean Man (Mr.. Inside is a dark corridor. The door HUMS. Beside the safe is a red switch.. You -. NURSERY . then slides OPEN! enter. They THE VAULT! Spare. scared. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. Peter has a JUICE BOX.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. 9. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. They anxiously tiptoe.. ILL North Korea pays better. Bill and Mrs.with me. reaching. So did the Department of Defense. and it CLICKS.DAY Shane lies unconscious. Julie glares. Bill and Mrs. The floor is covered with square tiles. livid. He GAGS the kids. exit. Chun) Keep an eye on them. JULIE I trusted you. INT. bright and white.

She confidently strides toward the safe -.the Kids look innocent. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. then Mr..and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Bill eyes the safe. But behind her back.. the Chun spins. With a rapid blur of finger-work. Mrs. she hits her panic button! O. Chun is Bokay. startled -. like a monstrous computer. HOUSE . horrified -. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. INT. The air is filled with an ominous. MRS. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. eyeballing them icily. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. completely SINGED OFF. she unties Zoe! Then -.. Chun guards the kids. had eyebrows. as if she hadn't moved. Chun whirls -. Lulu frowns. quickly assuming a fake bound position.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.. Mr. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time.needing a distraction.S. Chun's eyebrows are neatly.. then leans back against Zoe. He sneers.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. CHUN Just. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Mr. MR. MRS. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. It's set on ARMED. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" .SAME TIME Mr. CHUN But I've got some C4. BEEPING.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. Tyler GASPS. done. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes.. Lulu "looks" scared.. low-pitched HUM. but the of her jacket is on fire. off shoulder eyebrows.

then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr.. Chun's face. Chun's leg. Lulu runs. Chun looks at Lulu. BEHIND TODD . slamming the door behind her.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun scowls. Chun's head. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. They untie Julie. he drops to his knees in pain. he steps closer. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Mr..W Z 90. . Mr. Mr. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. then. when he's at her level. Skeptical. Chun laughs: MR. she KICKS him right in the nuts. CHUN That's cute. HAM without warning. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. snake-like move. Mr.. It HURTS.. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off.

making a small hole. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF..CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. clutching her! The . OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. NURSERY ..Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. Chun falls back from the door.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. but the door won't budge. his face COATED in white.. He sticks his face out the hole.. Bill lurches into view. DONNGGG -. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. FRONT DOOR . they're trapped inside.CONTINUOUS Mr. She SCREAMS. I INT.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.CONTINUOUS Mr.. Chun punches the door. NURSERY .. M E M 91. INT. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. INT. He yells out furious! MR. Chun's face. INT. a HAND suddenly GRABS her.but as Julie exits.doorknob.

as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Chun comes racing around the house -.. EXT. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -.CONTINUOUS r. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. They start to run back. HOUSE . MR. speaking in Korean: RS. they're not going anywhere. ARGHH! driveway. .. MINIVAN . unsure.. then nod and run to the side garage. Chun listens to Mr. HOUSE . as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. Mrs. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. She floors it. INT.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the are horrified. Chun THE RADIO.. CHUN Chun falls.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.I've got the keys. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.

Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Don't make me kill you too. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. lying on the concrete. holding a military RADIO. chilled. INT. a CRACKLING of static.. GARAGE . What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.Charles didn't tell me about the room. Then. Mrs. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. B . BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it.. leading her to the secret door. It's getting old. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. Julie GASPS. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. They step past Shane's body. Chun exits the vault. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. VAN . gaining on them. oe runs a yellow. INT.

ILL . EXT. He does something we can't see. half on the sidewalk. MINIVAN . Bring them back unharmed.. BILL Change of plan. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. It's like a chariot race. my husband has question: MR.Shane is standing in the doorway. CHUN Mr.93.. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. Chun zooming by.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. BUSY STREET . they might wreck. The men stare down. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.DAY The vehicles race. everyone looks down. ZOE .he clicks "talk" on the radio. It's B risky. ANGLE . Bill.SHANE They look over -.. to cut them off! INT. SHANE (O. Then -. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires.. ill eyes him. Bill deciding if he can trust him. He tries to pass them on the right.. Surprised.) Bill.S. I'll get you in.. just please don't hurt anyone. Do it. don't hurt the kids. MRS. emotional. as Zoe drives. Bill uncuffs Shane.

What's taking you? 94. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.. Chun off for a beat. triumphant. crayons. Chun with debris: milk cartons. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. M R. . Peter laughs.. disoriented.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. Shane is figuring his options. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. It throws Mr. Exasperated.. In the van. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Mr. Bill waits impatiently. orange peels. CRASH!! The kids cheer.. Zoe looks over. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Lulu starts PELTING Mr.. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. SECRET VAULT . TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Hair spray. Mr. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Mr. Chun swerves and almost wrecks.. and loses control. She Mr. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face.. Chun holds Julie. Mrs. Chun SCREAMS. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass.

Todd.A bewildered beat -.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. over one beam and ducking under another -. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. BILL Code or no code.. Watch. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. He speaks aloud. Tyler! Bill reacts. go get it -. Shane steps forward. Peter.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. Shane gets up. Shane steps forward . puzzled. Bill laughs. SHANE (CONT'D) landing on his hands and knees. sending him flying backwards. in pain. Shane SQUIRTS it.. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Lulu. Shane leaps back. ill cocks his gun.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. confidently: J B B 95 . .

SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.... SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. then back: smiles. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. not quite centered to the room. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . just like the crabs do. He takes a deep breath. When you're down and low.they have no idea what he's laughing about. He thinks. Shane LAUGHS sharply. Julie relieved. He feels the Groove. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. fearlessly. Bill and Julie share a look -. Shane he steps forwards. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).NOTHING HAPPENS. .JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. across two tiles. NOTHING HAPPENS. And you haven't got a chance. Something she said. Again -.. CLOSE-UP .SHANE Shane's thinks. He steps sideway. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. and do the Peter Panda Dance. lower than the floor. E 96 . Calmness comes to Shane's face.

imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. his focus gone. they're have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. If he'd been standing. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. Inside is the Cute Cop. When he steps back -. from the ceiling. 9 7. and he catches up with the minivan -. BUSY INTERSECTION . he'd be toast.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another takes a while. ZOE Come on.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. Zoe blows past it. Use the gas. not the brake. Don't follow me! . and our bodyguard -. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. The Squad Car's lights flash on. 5-0.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. EXT. They have my mom. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us.

The Squad Car is on its tail. in a cloud of smoke. EXT. Squad Car turns around and chases her. and speeds back towards her house. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. Zoe U-turns. the Minivan SPEEDS by. She shakes her head. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. SUBURBAN STREET .CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. at a safe distance. . PLUMMER BASEMENT . Claire frowns. pool of liquid. sliding forward. Following the chase. NECK-BRACE. EXT.. is Mr.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. like there ain't no floor. concerned. Suddenly.. My intelligence proved to be faulty.. INT. but if I had more resources. It's acid. Then better jump quick. nervously. SCHOOL . almost running it off road.. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. 98.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. I accept full responsibility.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY.

and jump to the left.and walks across the room. Finally. You were always my best man. disgusted. Bill looks around. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. She gestures back: you go.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself.he waves his hand over the floor. BILL Thank you. He holds his breath just in time. It's a stand-off. And you betrayed all of that. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. Mrs. Immediately. to calm down) Almost done. Shane scowls. almost done. The whole room goes SILENT. Chun to go first. Bill takes a breath -.. Whew.. What do you say -.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. and jumps back. sir. I knew you'd figure it out. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Shane. He nervously steps forward . "Just hold your breath. Nothing happens. pulling Julie along. 99. to the left of the HOLE. All that we stand for." He jumps. Bill signals for Mrs. The safe's red light turns green.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. if you're willing to join up. The Booby Traps are disarmed. He flips the switch to DISARMED." . BILL I'll take that as a "no. Chun follows. He's relieved -. He lands in front of THE SAFE. Bill shrugs. Beat.

But suddenly Mrs. You open it. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. I walked the floor first.. unrelenting. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. BILL (CONT'D) . That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Shane reaches for the safe. Chun reaches out. Relief.Bill turns to the safe. Bill gestures to Mrs. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. . MRS. Bill is incensed.. then catches himself.. her hair on end. He starts to reach for the dial. but Shane gazes coldly. Something's not right. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait.Mrs. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. head. BILL None requested. hitting Bill's arms. Reluctantly . SHANE There will be no mercy. and touches the dial. Chun LEAPS onto his back. She turns it. Chun doesn't budge. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares.. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Bill is off guard. trying to read Shane's poker face.. Mrs. Full of himself. then PUNCHES him in the gut. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. Shane shrugs. legs! He's crazed. I think you better open it. Bill LUNGES.. Chun. shaking from the voltage. Nothing happens. SIZZLING.

tottering. But he's unforgiving. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. connecting only occasionally. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.. SHANE . terrible neighbor. Shane struggles to lose her. SIRENS wailing. knocking her out. spin. Shane narrows his eyes.O. Leering mercilessly. The Police Cars . Bill is charging him. unable to gain her balance. everyone is SCREAMING.. delivering a series of hard punches.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. ANGLE . She smiles. Suddenly. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. which Shane deflects -. She catapults. good night. kick.. Shane COLD-COCKS her.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house.. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. Shane shakes his head. PLUMMER'S STREET .BILL He steps over Shane. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. K. SHANE You're a. the wind knocked out of him. chase after. Say. landing on his back in front of the safe. saved.they tangle like pro's. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Shane tumbles. It's clear the both have the same training. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. stumbles backwards across the room. OOF! Bill tumbles. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. They punch. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. he drops and FLIPS her.! EXT. then whispers/sings. IN THE VAN. He jumps to his feet.

.and hits a tree. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . then BRAKES. It's finally over. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. She smiles at Shane. smoke BURNING from the tires -. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. GHOST. HOUSE . Shane gently removes it.. Whoa.101. They look in silence. But it's too late. The Kid spill out and run. Now we can go back to our peaceful. JULIE Thank you Shane.O. Shane steps out. SHANE . The kids clamber from the van.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other..a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. then look in the safe: Inside. The garage door raises. Cops surround them. with their hands raised.. Then -. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. from the car. grateful. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. INT. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. SECRET VAULT .SAME TIME Total commotion.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. The van SKIDS.

Now. triumphant. helpless.... Julie and Shane Freeze. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. ZOE But.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. I suggest you call the FBI.CUTE COP FREEZE. officer.a CRAZED SCREAM. vaults onto Chun... EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. He scoffs.S. But then -. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -.. as he turns his head. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Chun stands inside the gate. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. He's disheveled and manic. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . uh. 10 2. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. Silence. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Cops cover Shane and Julie. MR. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. The Cops are unsure what to do. and grabs the MR.. Numerous. Zoe. Even Chun is amazed. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. CHUN (O. Shane spins.. Nobody is sure what to do. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. Shane weighs his not so many options. you're in a lot of trouble. Mr.

Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. AGENT Mr. ANGLE . CLOSE-UP .B. SHANE Just doing my job. Wolfe. Julie huddles with the kids.LATER F.I. F.I. AGENTS swarm the area. he . CLOSE-UP . Agent. This chaos is unsolvable.B. watching the FBI Agents work. Shane examines it.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around.B. Shane talks with an F..SHANE He breaks into a big grin. swelling with pride. You're a one-man battalion. reaches for his radio.I. that was nice work. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.B.rocket launcher. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. GARAGE . Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. COP I think I'll call the FBI.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. F . 103.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.I. then walks off. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten..

Her siblings. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.. here. SHANE . I'm on dry land.. say -. Tyler. You tell me...CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . On. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. He looks around: at the family. Zoe. You're the superior office.Yes. then Julie found the key. I'm kinda. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. from the safe.. a letter. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. 104. Summer's almost here. He looks at Claire. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Lulu -. Shane looks at her. Todd.Maui? . I don't know.. SHANE Well. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. and Julie notice. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. EXT. Peter.I want to say: I love you more than anything... And to tell the truth.. and gather around. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission.. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. Julie. The Plummers hug each other. Mock-angry. She sees.. A tear comes to her eye. Does it itch? Yes. re-conning the situation. I always have. fallen onto the floor.

. Shane bawls -. SHANE Ah. Julie looks up. A long beat.SHANE This is too much. Guess you have to go now.he can't keep it in. Like he did. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. LULU This is it. baffled.. He wipes his face.. The Plummers all approach. She puts out her hand.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. P ETER Love you.his medal.. I'm gonna . Zoe gives them a look -. He puts them down. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. TIGHT . Lulu turns to Shane. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . For everything.Sir yes sir. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. come here you. to shake his. SHANE Claire beams. Your work here is through. ZOE But.he hugs the whole family at once. squeezing them off the ground. Thank you. interrupting. He starts to head off. sad. He squeezes her hand around it. Shane. 105. SHANE Your dad would be so proud.

Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Shane watches with bated breath. BACKSTAGE . You Are Sixteen begins. until he sits back down. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. It's fantastic -. the little Brownie Troop. Julie watches in astonishment. A STANDING OVATION. rapt. VICTORIA THEATRE. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. In SLOW MOTION. hit your marks. Shane stands.a Michael Jordan dunk. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. The performers take their curtain . Scott: in a suit." In the audience. even Murney. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. She is surrounded by her children. Todd spins. Claire: dressed to the nines. his hair combed. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Farewell.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. beaming with pride. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. They all watch.JULIE What's Friday night? INT." Hearts swell. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps.

com/scripts/Pacifier.and the house goes crazy. Mission accomplished. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.html on December 9 2010 . Thundering applause. touched.-The. He humbly steps into view -.imsdb. THE END http://www. Shane smiles. FADE OUT.calls.

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