THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry

Karaszewki

March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --

retracting

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BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. PLUMMER How did you know where I. hauling the Professor up. INT. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. . But you have to do exactly what I say. As the water rises. When it finally opens.no highway option.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water.SIMULTANEOUS 4. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. him his oxygen. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. EXT. SHIP'S HOLD . One of our SEALS calls out to them.. He tries force the door open... over his head. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. I'm gonna get you outta here. they're almost out of ammo. My way -.. when I say it. He's gone. United States Navy. to the roof. ON THE DECK . where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. terrified. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. Shane removes his mouth piece. Up to his nose. He cuts the Professor's GAG. Plummer screams. but can't get free..

Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. Shane takes a deep breath. INT. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. He .A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. and pulls himself. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. OCEAN'S SURFACE . SHANE INT.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. terrified.. holding the Professor. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. pulling the Professor in behind him. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.. clearly he loves this kind of day.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. EXT. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. 5. SHIP'S HOLD .CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Hold on. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . HELICOPTER . INT. more!" They do. HELICOPTER .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. then disappear gracefully back into the water.

I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. Not imperative to the mission.. I can't believe you.. EXT. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. CHARLES Lieutenant. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Please. We have to keep moving.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. shutting him up. thank you.. Lieutenant. how'd we. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick... (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. Charles stops Shane. PLUMMER Oh my God. CHARLES I'm safe. the Professor looks terrified.beside him. waits. rotors whirling slowly. .. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. That was the most incredible. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. She thinks I'm dead. I'm just not big on chit chat. The Professor takes out his mouth piece.

I'm alive. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. PAVE HAWK . nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. I have a picture of my kids in here. WHAM. Lulu. Charles dials.. SHANE We're almost ready. Shane looks at him..couldn't crack it. knocked unconscious.. Todd. Tyler. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. back to him. DEAD. Shane drops.. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. Designed it myself. you want to see it? Negative. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.. and talks. Shane considers. The briefcase pops open.. All goes .CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. I do security.. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. then hands him his satellite phone. that's my specialty.. RUN!!! black. Peter.. INT. It's voice activated. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. PILOT sits. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe.. Charles dials his cell phone.Charles picks up his briefcase. puzzled.

BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. A Huey Helicopter lands.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. unassuming..O. Everything is ablaze. He holds a REPORT in his hand. He takes a long look at Shane. There is huge explosion.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. He sees Charles. HOSPITAL . as the chopper ignites. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. Bill sits down beside the bed. SHANE'S P.. in slow-motion. Captain. but he does it anyway. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.7. HOSPITAL . BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . and takes Charles' Briefcase. His arm and face bandaged. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.: Everything is a blur. sir.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. barely conscious. You're the best man I ever trained. despondent. SHANE . unconscious.it hurts to salute. And a good friend. I know sir. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.V. PAVE HAWK .friendly. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. Shane reaches out. EXT. He looks around.

but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. really. I'm gonna need the mini sub. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. He pulls up a chair. is still out there.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.a genius.H.. as I stated in my report. I. It's not that kind of mission. disappointed. He called it G. SHANE Sir. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. and sits opposite Shane. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. SHANE The case was empty sir.T. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.H.S. G. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.SHANE He had to call his family.O.S.. . Invigorated. and starts to rise. BILL . Then. appreciate your confidence. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. BILL Not a surprise. BILL (interrupting:) Negative..O.. Bill considers this.. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.. He can't believe his good fortune.. 8. Bill shakes his head.T. he pulls off bandages. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. Thank you. disconnects an IV. Shane sits up. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for..

And while you're there -find out if the program is in there..if anything happens to me.. anyway. Whoever killed the professor must think G. I love you. CUT TO: INT. Not even when I was a kid sir. Shane is shocked... BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. intrigued..S.H.. sir.NIGHT . we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. He's a good man.. hearing the dead man's voice. top to bottom. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -..Shane listens. I should go. Maybe it is. CHARLES (O. Shane is surprised. It's just that. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. SHANE'S APARTMENT . BILL The professor's wife requested you. Either way. I've never been very good with kids.. I got a call from the professor's wife. I'll call you in an hour. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared.O. is in that house. (MORE) 9. and protect them. presses play.S.T. Searched the place. call Lt. She told me someone had broken into her home. I need someone to stay at that house. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. Shane Wolfe. Widow. sir. BILL . The family's scared. maybe it isn't.) Honey.. I'm alive.

. Shane frowns. Shane's P. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. with toys all over the lawn. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells).and sees LULU.. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. peering up at him. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. Shane looks down -.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. night vision goggles. 10. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. Shane looks like a bad ass. Shane heads to the door. The sprinklers go off. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. and pulls out a small. He looks at for a moment. EMALE VOICE (o. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. He reaches in. machete.s. .then the door swings open. they all go in. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. ready for anything. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. camouflage vest.Shane packs his duffel bag.. 8. also identical to the one he wears. identical to the one he wears. we're not interested. WE hear TINY FEET approach -.V. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. SUBURBAN STREET . EXT. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.O. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. Shane double-checks the address. Hm. He rejects it. It SQUEAKS. Lulu eyes Shane.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants.. Shane eyes Lulu.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the

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KIIIDDS!!!

JULIE

Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.

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JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-

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But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

through the kitchen window. The phone RINGS inside. JULIE That's wonderful. 14.. I have some potentially good news. Julie casually answers it. entersJULIE I'll be there. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.) Julie.NIGHT Shane. This could all be over! BILL (o. LIVING ROOM . Shane. We slowly pull out. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Helga will . it's Bill Fawcett.s. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. Helga and the Kids in the doorway.the family eats dinner.) There's a catch. INT.. Swiss law says only his family can access it. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property..) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. Through the window.. Julie and Shane share a look. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. listening to the conversation.Nighttime -. I think it could contain GHOST. BILL (o.s. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.MORNING stand hug Julie. with her suitcase.s.

ZOE Mom -. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. They'll be safe with me. . And on the phone. chill. I love you guys. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. Plummer. Helga will take care of everything else.. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge... do it. No. And on the back door. SHANE Don't worry. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. I am a mom.. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Mrs. I'm gonna miss you. it's just.handle everything... I'll be back in 48 hours. are you licensed to kill? . Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble..we'll be fine. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. And guys.. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency... H S . it's my job to worry. HELGA Everything will be fine.

NIGHT Shane. when in the corner of his eye -... Immediately.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. INT. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.. Shane heads down the hall.s.. I make bottle. pouring in Cheerios.5. Gary suddenly FLIES by .he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM .. on a short ladder. INT. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. Shane shakes his head. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in... WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. looks around for the CRYING BABY. can't find him. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.WHRRP! Shane ducks. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM.. You do something. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. elga stomps out. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. SHANE (CONT'D) . Shane turns off the light.NIGHT hane rushes in -. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . He shuts off the - .

SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.. runs off. . but alright. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. house like a marionette. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. jumps onto the trampoline. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. S COTT . calling out from across the street. I'll call you.window alarm and sneaks out silently. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. fine.. Zoe -. SHANE Not with this kid. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. ZOE He's my boyfriend.. 16. He's dazed. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. tool. Zoe! . Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. Shane LIFTING him in the air. ZOE Okay..go back inside. They both tumble to the ground. PLUMMER HOUSE . He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups.BACK YARD . setting off the PIERCING ALARM. EXT. Shane runs. come on Scott..

Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. PLUMMER HOUSE . The Alarm's still blaring. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it.Zoe storms inside. SHANE MRS... we own a bakery.. and we found this in our pool filter. Look. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. Shane stands there. Oh.. THE CHUNS. fuming. The alarm stops. CHUN Thanks a bunch. Shane's about to head inside.NIGHT . Sorry. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. I INT. CHUN . and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. MR. so we're up kind of early.. MR. A simple misunderstanding.. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. CHUN (perfect English. Kojak. Shane addresses them. SHANE My apologies. They're arguing with each other in Korean. huh baby-sitter? Mr. We had an intruder. pop their heads out. Oh. no accent) We speak English.

SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. ZOE Who do you think you are -. She has to hop on one foot. . SHANE Not anymore. Zoe falls backwards into the room. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. You should have told her the truth. Loud.) sing). Shane marches back down the hall. to not fall over.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.s. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. continues down the hall. Shane flips her foot in the air. Shane shuts her door. lower than the floor. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. Bite me! Shane frowns. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. S W 1 8. bangs on Todd's doorLights out.

in bed -. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. PLUMMER HOUSE . HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more.groove. just like the crabs do. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. Peter in his bed. Shane shakes his head. then "crab-walks" sideways. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. EXT. . ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. She does. INT. to their beds. and do the Peter Panda Dance. he wriggles on the floor.laugh and laugh.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. one step back. Three steps forward. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. T Z Z T 19. The Children. HOUSE . In the bedrooms. Then jumps up. warm orange light.

oe is wrapped in blankets. HALLWAY .! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. Not in front of the kids. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight.. disoriented. ODD It's Sunday. Move. motionless. INT.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Helga runs through in hair curlers.odd is out cold. like she's been electrocuted. half-asleep and angry. carrying the crying baby. Todd pulls the blanket over his head.m. not understanding what's happening. 20 . The Whistle GETS LOUDER. S .and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. L Move. Covering their ears. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. Todd blinks groggily. You're insane. Suddenly his door flies open -.. TODD'S ROOM . OE Huh? Wha--?! INT.MORNING Todd sits up. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor.

At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. INT. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.do you.. sucking on a bottle. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. No highway option.do you.LATER The children are assembled.. KITCHEN .) Shane's jaw drops. L 21.. HELGA (She curses Again. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. in Romanian. lined up tallest to shortest.. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. Your behavior is unacceptable. shocked. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way.he gives him a look of disbelief. . ladies.

ZOE He's in his room.(pointing) Red 1. where's the older male? There were five.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.a tense silence.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium.you better be dying. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Everyone stares blankly -. So you are -. P eter farted. Red baby. he's furious. S ULU (CONT'D) . The panic button is only for emergencies. I tell you what to do -. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Touch that -. Red 2.. Shane bounds up the stairs. Shane bangs hard on it.and you do it. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button.. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Never take them off. He yells at her. ZOE I am not wearing that. wait. Red Leader. INT.. He tries the knob. but it's locked. Angry. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation.. Shane tries to maintain decorum. End of chain. Everyone cracks up. Now that I know I can't trust you. or you're dead. SHANE Tracking devices.

. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer..SMASH! The wood CRACKS. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris.MORNING . the destroyed door and wall. this wouldn't have happened. INT. I can fix this. Oops. He sees Shane..22. Todd nods in agreement. Zoe comes up the stairs.a FLUSH. Shane steps aside. INT. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.. then CRASHES inward.LATER ZOE .they glare at Shane. He has to go. to her room. hits Shane on the head. If you'd been wearing it. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. HALLWAY . A piece of the ceiling falls. and Todd comes sauntering back. INT. Down the hall -. and head down the hall. She stops at Todd's door -. The entire frame collapses. patrolling. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. PLUMMER HOUSE . then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet.NIGHT The bathroom door opens.

He pretends to be a ghost. wearing a towel as a sheet. L S 23.LATER . HALLWAY . to see that Peter is chasing her.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches.S. he hears something suspicious -. PAPERBOY (O. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. Peter Booos again. Daddy even said so. He rushes for the front door. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Shane turns. just as -. And then it hits Shane. LULU This house is haunted.WHACK -. Peter! screams.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. hey.the rumble of a car approaching. He said there's a ghost. Really? His eyes light up. Lulu SHANE Hey. INT. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. clicks his alarm remote opens it. His head shifts. hard. I don't know. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Lulu hides behind Shane.

. He RAPS again. ZOE Here he comes. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. Shane scans it.. appears. STAIRWAY .. all the way down. inally. feeling.ZOE AND TODD .. He goes back to the living room.. Zoe whispers. F . When he hears an alert from his laptop. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. scanning the ceiling. BANGING her head and ass on each step. pushing. I INT.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall.a creak. Nothing. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. Searching. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. listening for hollow spaces. T IGHT . then turns his attention to his laptop. as laundry flutters down from above. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall.Shane walks slowly down the hall. MR. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. Then -. carrying a huge laundry basket. She screams.

Not in Switzerland. They wait patiently -. mouthing along in FRENCH.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. The Banker looks at him blankly.They gulp. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. He licks his finger again. we're going to have to file a complaint. SWISS BANK . He jumps to his feet. then licks his finger to turn the page. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. this is an urgent matter. Bill can't stand it anymore.DAY Establishing. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. He seems to be about 100 years old.DAY Bill and Julie. . I can't. INT. looking jet-lagged. terrified. It's taking him a LONG time. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. ZOE Uh-oh. Then looks back to the paperwork. BANKER Marcel! out. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. He feebly gets up. 25. SWISS BANK . If we can't get some faster service. EXT. but can't get the page to turn.

remain calm -- 26. Shane dives. QUACKING. The suitcase handle breaks off. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. Peter's in the aquarium. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. RING! Amid the chaos. How long is that? INT.Shane tries to block her path. As soon as your background checks clear.you will have access to the box tout-suite. Shane moves for the phone.SAME TIME Helga. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. But I can tell you -. Oui. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. the chief does not speak English. I QUIT. Shane picks up the receiver. JULIE Thank you. grabbing her foot. Suddenly. enters. HELGA I am calm. and Helga dashes for the door. heads to the door -. PLUMMER HOUSE . that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. The duck flies around.Another Banker. MARCEL. He DRAGS her back. As she tries to wrestle it away. He grabs her suitcase. SHANE (CONT'D) . suitcases in hand.

that landed on a diaper. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Plummer. Mrs..Ah. Plummer. Shane body-checks it closed.Helga falls forwards. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Helga struggles to get him off. Shane hangs up the phone. EXT. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. Mrs.everything's fine. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. and Shane falls back.. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab... He picks up his hand. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Shane lets go. 27. Just doing my. against the counter. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Helga scampers out the door. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. (covering the phone. CRUNCH. Duty. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. HOUSE .

Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. takes a deep breath and strides inside.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. INT. baby cries. SHANE Okay.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. In the meantime..SHANE Rises.Helga jumps in the cab. He drops his head. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought.he slowly glances up.. There's been a change of plans. in the rear window. Then -. to find the kids are all gloomy. she'll come back. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. . listen up. defeated.. The 28. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. HOUSE . KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. if she loves you. ANGLE . then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. we're just gonna have some more big fun. Helga glares back. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him.. ANGLE . dumbfounded.

And then -. Pure self-preservation. 29. your enthusiasm. INT.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. Using the tools as chopsticks. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.. SHANE Whoa. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. . WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. he cautiously unfastens the diaper.. inundated. takes a deep breath. Until -. BATHROOM . nice moment. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. SShane GROANS. All for one. holding his nose. CLOSE-UP . HEY! Even Peter runs. everyone bolts from the room. Nobody will help. repelled. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. I'm Navy.SHANE He gulps.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. Only then can we rise to the challenge.it flops open.

Aghast. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. I think you're cute. Shane tries approaching -.SHANE The things I do for my country. Lulu doesn't go away.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. over and over and over. LULU Hi. INT. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. she just stares at him. he looks down to see Lulu. Lulu follows at his heels. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. 30. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it.he can't do it. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. Lulu is in her pj's. SHANE (unsure how to respond. like a puppy. HALLWAY . Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. .. She follows. he looks around for a solution. then FLUSHES..) Thank you.

and shuts off her light. Todd. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. The Kids stare at "breakfast. all the kids asleep. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. proud of his accomplishment. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. in beddibye land. .it's time for you take a nappypoo. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. All the lights are out. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. Lulu looks at him. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. and patrols. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. I can get lots more of those.BREAKFAST . pulling down the shades on every window. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. Shane smiles. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in.Shane walks room to room. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. And I've survived off this stuff for months. INT." dubious. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. little girl. like he's an idiot. 31. KITCHEN . LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. The kids sit down at their designated spots.

. dancing..is not here to take care of you now.. Shane sighs. . Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. you stay in.. If I say in. (then:) Yes. Your mama -. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. crying. one for all.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. So -.. ladies. He runs away. Shane answers.. trying to hear over the screaming.. Peter stands in his chair. Wanna see? Negative. Shane turns to Lulu. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. then at Tyler -.. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey.. if I say out... SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. We're gonna pull together.. you go out. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. The table cloth is yanked to the floor.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. ZOE He's only two. too. I can cross my eyes. all for one. Peter starts bawling. And the phone rings. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.here's how it's gonna be. LULU .

" Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Thank you. sir. Shane fumbles with it for a while. and at that . INT... GARAGE . EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom... Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. The Minivan skids completely sideways. GARAGE . It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.9:29 A. A big suburban school. SHANE Not on my watch. backwards at sixty m. It hits ZERO.. you and Todd are expelled. EXT. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. dramatically unveiling Shane. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. INT.. I know it's Monday. perfect parallel park. He hangs up. EXT. Oh. yes. innocently. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.p. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.h. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. He wants to see you in his office. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. Zoe smiles at him..M. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . It just doesn't add up. LULU We're gonna be late. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb.. Across his chest.a death defying.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. legal guardian. He said if you're late again. With your . into a TINY parking spot -.

a few days. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. Well. conduct and truancy. Duane. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Lieutenant.. He glares at Shane. Murney is unimpressed. Shane. The Kids are seated around him. V. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. son? SHANE Wolfe. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . holding Peter on a harness. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). She's attractive. He withers. The Kids crack up. They're the worst students in my school. boy. they needed a parole officer. Looks like Mrs. He's HUGE and mean. I'm Murphy. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. whatever work you can get. .P in charge of discipline. assured. as he plays on the floor. tough. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. Top to bottom. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Out of twenty-three. too. mortified. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. K thru 12. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Plummer finally listened. I coach wrestling..moment. You're in my house now. Murney is furious.

Plummer called my captain. Red 2. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little.. BELL rings.. Get moving. (then. Plummer. 34. What are you doing in my office. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. SHANE Red 1. that as vice principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.two little red DOTS move away.. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs.and suddenly reacts. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. staring him up and down. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. He exits. She told me all about you. impressed. Lieutenant. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . Good. Principal Claire eyeballs him.Good morning kids. You see. The opens the door for Murney. Mrs. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Claire sees this -. I am in charge of.. I think I can handle this from here. fuming.. as he casually holds the three kids. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. The teens hustle off to their classes.

and the way I run my school.(Shane nods.. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service.. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. Courage. Claire looks nervously around. That's the way I live my life. Welcome aboard. SHANE .. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. SHANE Can't be too careful. SHANE "Honor. dead serious. Service paid for my college. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. She lifts her pants leg.. SHANE .. Just try not to frighten the children. The 35. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.MID-MORNING seeShane.. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. So. to balance Shane. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".. On the spot. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .

picks up a pair of binoculars. Now -. INT. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. in Shane puts down his binoculars. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. 36 . yanks his hood over his head. delighted. Shane closes the computer.O. CAFETERIA .. Lulu sees Shane and waves. does the same. like a tether ball. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.Clean as a whistle.V. two.last time: Open the hanger. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off.. Todd. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Zoe. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. with stern intensity. Black Hawk coming in. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. He checks his tracking device. . Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.. Save us both a world of pain. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. Official Business.O. in line to get lunch. turns her back to him embarrassed. sitting in the back row of a class. BINOCULARS P.. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. one. SHANE Give up now.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P.V. He turns to the person front of him. Beside Shane.

you don't. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. He yanks Tyler away from him. ignoring him. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. A whole day.but you're pretty good at this.. man. lieutenant. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray.. SHANE Hey -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. with milk. I'm impressed. When you agreed to serve your country. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. not so dry where you're sitting.. Seriously. 37. Tyler laughs. . I guess.I out rank you. Oh. You're on dry land. Claire smiles.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Mr. Shane sighs.Tyler gurgles.. Sure.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. Can I call you Shane? . Principal Claire smiles.) Shane. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. you know. (she looks at his chair) Well. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. (she toasts. huh? Shane gives her a look.

Zoe. and "punches fists" with him.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Personally . Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler.. cheering. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table.. MURNEY You heard the lady. impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. Murney smirks. (Todd) 38. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. Look at him. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. LUNCH-LINE . unusual. INT. the crowd freezes. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. but not stopping it. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. As soon as they see the Principal. in the crowd.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence.. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink.That's. VP Murney is watching. I don't care who starts it. MURNEY He did. next week's tournament is off.

sir.. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. 39 . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . MURNEY Pretty slick. Murney.. yeah. Sorry. Don't even think it.I'm a black belt myself. Nice moves. SHANE . Boys'll be boys. That's right.Todd lands on his feet.. SHANE . I'm on duty. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Maybe you could stop by practice. flinch.. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. The Bell rings.. (low. Frogman -. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Maybe some other time then. I forgot you had to baby-sit. . S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. He'd kill you so fast. stopping an inch from Shane's head. Murney approaches Shane. man.total control. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. sticking the landing. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. the crowd breaks up. promise I'll go easy on you. Todd lunges at him. MURNEY Oh. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. what do you say? Come on. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera.. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -.I think that's a little harsh.

But.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3.. It leads him to a door. for one who'll eat. Roger that.. Panicked. Bathroom's down the hall. Just then. Uh.CONTINUOUS . Shane recoils in disgust. following his tracking device.. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. and not cry. The Principal strolls up..CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Not my job. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Tyler is crying. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Have fun. as he keeps watch. another dollar twenty. doing a shoulder roll. Lt.INT. INT.. Emergency! SHANE INT. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean.change him. SCHOOL HALLWAY .Tyler's diaper is full. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . Peter is asleep in his shoulder. He bursts though it. 40. SHANE Oh -. Then Shane smells what she means -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. minus taxes. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal.. holding Tyler out like a grenade. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM .

almost tipping the minivan. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE .CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan.the Class applauds. CONSTRUCTION SITE . HALLWAY . He speeds away after them. He leaps out of the minivan. I INT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Shane lands in fight stance -. EXT. with the Panic Button in her hand. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. Lulu is in front of the class. He blasts through a red light. He hands her to the Principal.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Thanks. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. At that moment. SHANE EXT. are heading away from the school fast. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. Shane is furious.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. BUSY INTERSECTION .MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. but the FINAL BELL rings. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. They make a sharp right. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. EXT.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Shane makes a right. through the fence. racing down the road ahead of Shane. 41. EXT.

He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. feet away. INT. Shane lowers himself down. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. He winces. It's horrific. Shane trudges through the river of muck.LIVING ROOM . From outside. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.section. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. SEWER . to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.then gasps -.SHANE He's alone.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. then checks his tracker. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. you're about to get a beat down.the DOTS are CLOSE. Shane pries off the manhole cover. Shane easily takes them out.It's dark and dank. then checks the tracker -. No sweat.then RUN. all brandishing tools. IN THE MANHOLE . Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. INT. SQUISHY footsteps. ANGLE . and charges through. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. they hear the front door open. . He takes a deep breath and dives under. and the sound of OMINOUS. PLUMMER HOUSE . CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. He catches his breath. Three Workers rush him.he sees the blinking lights below the surface.

16 year old female. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe.. KITCHEN .. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. he doesn't say anything. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. INT.. Todd stiffens. with a smirk. .p. Zoe checks him out as he goes. revealing Shane.Then the door swings open. Covering her nose. Call. The smell is BAD.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. CLAIRE I should probably get going then.. Everyone gasps. weird hair. 43 INT. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.b. The Cop looks at them. BACK YARD . BATHROOM . . Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. thank you. INT.LATER Shane is in the shower. use our nonemergency number. She practically GAGS as she passes him. Zoe fixes her hair. The Cop turns to Shane.. then covers their noses. Ditto. If you need anymore help. looking like a Swamp Creature. The Cop leaves.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.

He looks at it. 4 . Monday. LULU I can't. If we don't sell enough cookies. cause mom never lets me out of her sight.a dozen little girls in uniforms.. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. they're staring at him. SHANE (O. They already think I'm a loser. pulling Lulu after him. (whispers:) Come on. And it's not like I have any other friends. LULU We have to.. 4. He sees on the fridge.Shane enters.S. The Brownies applaud. it's Monday.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. Mom's our den mother. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. FAMILY ROOM . Lulu starts to sniffle. and whistle. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. cringing in disgust.all junk food. in just a towel. close to tears.) Get rid of them. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. we can't go the Jamboree. They won't be home `til ten. INT. You gotta help me out. Shane. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -.

They are assembled.MOMENTS LATER Shane. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. unpacking boxes of cookies.. getting ready to go. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. INT. I'm scared of you. INT." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. SHANE Alright. KITCHEN .A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. yeah. I'm gonna be your den -commander.. at attention. ZOE . BROWNIE Den Mother? .we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH... Tonight. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. ladies. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. Indian Style. SHANE Good. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. Shane blows passed her.. back in "uniform. INT.Lulu's about to burst into tears. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow.. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. . He's not just locking them -. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. the other to his back.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. ZOE'S BEDROOM . then drills it into place. Zoe's on the phone. Now -. Shane sighs.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. he's a total psycho. do as I say. LIVING ROOM . Here's how it's gonna be.wait here.

CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor.. GROCERY STORE . Snack packs.nothing even looks like food.... LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. EXT. Scott. GROCERY STORE .. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. INT.. but they're .MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.PARKING LOT . not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz."what are you.. but if anything happens. nuts?" EXT. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. I dunno if that's a good idea. GROCERY STORE .. No. as he pushes a cart into the store. SHANE I gotta get supplies.. he's got us on lock-down. EXT. DRIVEWAY . (she listens:) Hm. He looks around at the bright.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. ZOE . it's like Oz or something. Tyler looks at him -. He sees: a huge. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. 4 EXT. the camera CRANES up to. GROCERY STORE . Zoe picks up the phone.. He smiles. NOTHING looks familiar -. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. I can see you through the window.5. hits speed-dial.

The Cub Scouts high-five.. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. they're back.. 46 BROWNIE Oh no.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -... He laughs. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. and lets her go. before I get my face punching badge on you. clutching their boxes. Finally. . GROCERY STORE . we see who she means: A group of bad ass. menacingly. One of the Brownies spots something. I haven't seen anybody.. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. but can't get away. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. you Skeever? . SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . In their place are the Chubby Scouts. EXT. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.noticing very shy.she tugs and tugs. chubby CUB SCOUTS.. He rips it open. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. One The Brownies take off running.

Shane's monitor starts beeping. He firmly tells Lulu. Cheese MANAGER. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. The Brownies scream. Not cookies. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . trembling. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -.2ND SCOUT Nope. He bends down. 47. we're going home.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Where? SHANE INT. CHEESE .22's.A LITTLE LATER .DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. If I don't come back -avenge my death. Around his neck. PARKING LOT . He heads toward the Scouts. The Brownies are huddled behind it. and points at Lulu's Panic button. I'm here to protect you. EXT. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. He wears . CHUCK E. you're supposed to take us to dinner. Get in the car.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy.

MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E... LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. The Manager approaches Shane.. Cheese! Wider reveals. this much cyanide. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. skee Brownies are running around. On stage. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. the Chuck E. This much The Manager laughs. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. playing video games and ball.braces and head-gear. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game.. . Shane's watching Peter. A LITTLE LATER: 48. Lulu approaches.. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. Cheese automaton band JAMS.. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.CHAOS. which causes him to lisp.

Shane is taking it really seriously. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. He checks over his shoulder -. The second round starts. My joystick's broken. He's really mad.LULU I pressed two player. stretches.. I thought you liked combat. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. then cracks her in half over his knee. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Shane even get one punch in -. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Round three starts. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. spins her. Lulu screams out with her fighter. Unless you're scared. SHANE That's not fair. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. He cracks his knuckles. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. then kicks him in the face.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. He steps up to the machine.. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Nobody can jump thirty feet. LULU The Hulk can. They begin. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. kneels on his head. and then a kick in the face. Lulu picks a small female character. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Then he a joy stick. .she pins him to the ground.

He is KO'd. ZOE . Sparks fly. swinging and missing.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom.. but he can't hit her.. LULU Too slow. oops too slow. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. He and the Brownies sneak away. LULU You're not even trying. slamming buttons... SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.. leaving the sizzling machine.take a shot.. swing and a miss. ZOE Mom -. PLUMMER HOUSE . She keeps dancing. INT. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. It's really annoying.stop worrying.. jumping. HOTEL ROOM ... its joystick dangling by its wires...SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. Shane's working the joy stick hard. Lulu's having fun now..CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. 50. Shane's really fuming..LIVING ROOM . dancing. it's my job to worry.. INTERCUT WITH: INT. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. come on -. the Zhouse is quiet. while he pounds the buttons.

LIVING ROOM . JULIE It's only a few more days.. Zoe rolls her eyes. PLUMMER HOUSE . I hate leaving you. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.The Plummer House: . ZOE Dude.Seriously. loads Brownies into the minivan. we're okay.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle).. counting them. VARIOUS SHOTS . then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. ZOE Dude. EXT. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. MALL PARKING LOT . Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . INT. but you know I have to do this. Don't worry. kids everywhere.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. 51. everything's cool. The guy's just a control freak.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. up. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. And the folks who read my BLOG. I love you. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps.in my cell. . ZOE I know. not cool. who doesn't seem concerned at all. She turns to Scott. this is outta hand.

Suddenly. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. CHEESE . Not okay. S 52. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. gasping. is fine. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. He disappears under the balls -. CHUCK E. out away from him. and goes down for the diaper. The Manager is watching him.... Silence. MANAGER Relax. He charges across the room with the diaper. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.. SUBURBAN ROAD . INT. move. to leave a man behind like that. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. He holds his breath.. SHANE .for a long time. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. SHANE Inexcusable. a look of horror comes across Shane's face.they almost always do. move! Go go! EXT. Shane grimaces. He's still down there.Move. again. the Brownies follow. We see what he forgot: PETER.not okay. freestyling in the ball pool -.LATER . MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out..DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. Whoa. He's holding the diaper.

Now. jocks throwing footballs. scared. as he pulls up in the Minivan.. 53. at a full run. peeing in the bushes..then CRUSHES the ball. EXT. He gets out -.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Shane takes Lulu.. Shane snatches it mid-air -.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts..CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. vents. we're gonna do this . I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. Reeling.. Scott. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. trying to understand. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. then RUN. chugging drinks.. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. He protectively guides them past the craziness -.and groans in disbelief.'s turntables. PLUMMER HOUSE ..until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. INT. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. Peter and Tyler up the path. making out. Outraged. windows.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. CLUB lock off the door. a total wreck. PLUMMER HOUSE . Party's over.J.KITCHEN ..

and walk out of sight. PLOP.my way -. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. in Playtex gloves. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . PLUMMER HOUSE . Miserable TEENS scrub. mopping. furiously clean.. It reads: GHOST.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. INT. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever..then he notices something. residue. and rubs his finger UNDER IT.no highway option. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. Scott gulps .NIGHT Shane inspects the house. They see Shane find the CD. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. trying to maintain his dignity.. He holds it up to a KID. ladies. he takes it off. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing.. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. labeled with a Sharpie. as kids clean. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. Shane's eyes narrow. In a bathroom. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Oh my god. He hands Scott the mop. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. through binoculars.. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head.. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. Clean. Scott and Zoe. Shane goes over them. straightening -. He fumes. CUT EXT. He lifts the sofa.CONTINUOUS . INT.

Rambo. Shane stands. Thanks a lot. Zoe gets up. she pukes again. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. ZOE . PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE You got barf on your tank top. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. PLUMMER HOUSE . you hate us. CUT TO: EXT. Lulu's crying.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. outside the bathroom door. Todd picks her up.. Zpounding on doors. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. ueasy. Shane hands her a handkerchief. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. They show no respect for you or your house. Lulu and Todd step into the hall.. ZOE I do too respect myself. Because you have no respect for yourself..into the bathroom. sits down. Scott's the last one to leave. After a beat. Zoe blows past him -. (Announces:) Company. furniture polished. You're like a robot. shaky and furious. where she throws up..Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. INT. He heads upstairs.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. helpless. Shane . and screams in Shane's face. downstairs! He walks down the hall. My friends will never come here again.

fiercely -.. SHANE Puberty.they're good.the three fight. They leap down after him. Don't worry. Suddenly. He goes down.. Wielding with great skill.. pounding him with their . but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. SHANE You're right. as soon as your mom comes back.. I'm gone.. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. talking doesn't do any good. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall.. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs.55.the power goes out. close-quarters and fast.hand it over! staffs. Not even from the enemy. Red 1. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. TWO NINJAS. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. tired) It's Scott. I'm not the man for this job. Go to your rooms. all in black BURST in through the window. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. The Ninjas attack. NINJA GHOST -. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Suddenly -. Shane spins in fight-stance.

and grabs it. a squeezes . toys fly. He pulls the string. and uses them both to fend off blows. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. 56 INT.. avoiding Legos. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. They step back. he hits a Ninja in the head. Shane fends the Ninjas off.then the Ninjas charge. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. WHACK. several FURBIES hit the floor. facing them. He spots a BASEBALL BAT... he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.. Shane crashes down. The Ninjas move towards him -. fiercely.. Shane runs to the changing table.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. With his foot. . it makes a silly thunk. PLAYROOM . and flings them all over the floor. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. SHANE Okay -.knocking him into.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat..until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. blinding him.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -.

then the door creaks open. He really hugs them. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. Shane isn't sure what to do. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane... KICKING a Ninja in the chest. and Shane sees he's now alone. SHANE Shhh. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He A long pause -. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. .Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. INT. SHANE It's safe. Todd and Zoe enter. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER.. The cloud dissipates. SHANE I'm not going anywhere.. he hugs Peter and Lulu. HALLWAY . It's okay. blinded. Then.SHANE 57.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. fearful. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. terrified.. Kids. He squints. Shane approaches Zoe's door.. TODD Who were they? What did they want. He sprays it in Shane's face. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength.. He hugs them.. ANGLE ..? SHANE They're looking for a program.. Shane bangs the window sill. You can open up. quietly knocks. He runs to the broken window. bawling. disappointed to have lost them. that your father invented.

relieved. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. the other kids join in. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. They want this. CLOSE-UP . absolutely nothing pottery . (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. SHANE They're not after you. From now on.okay? Zoe and Todd nod.. Soon. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. and do what I say. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. it's been a long night.. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.. Zoe answers it. as long as I'm here.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. eye to eye. Then. He looks Zoe. They hug him tighter. The kids shudder.. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. I'll listen to you too. "Unchained Melody. INT. Then. 58.. But nothing's gonna happen to you.they all jump.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. And I'm not going anywhere.a long pause. all smiles. Shane offers his hand to shake. They shake -. Deal? Truce -..COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. too. LIVING ROOM . you listen to me. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. Shane is furious -.then they hug him." And then. startled. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.

metal two pronged KEY.. They're gone. INTERCUT: INT. EXT. but they didn't find it. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. yes and no.MORNING Early morning. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. everyone's fine.we'll be just fine. Shane takes the phone. two men tried to get into the house tonight.it's okay. We found something in the box.. HOTEL ROOM . But we're not sure what it is. SCHOOL .. and Shane emerges with the five kids.. SHANE (very genuine) .happened you should worry about..So soon? We were just starting to have fun. SHANE No . It looks like some kind of "key". We just don't know what its for. They were looking for GHOST. . students run in to school. Don't worry -. You have any luck? JULIE Well. She holds up the strange. SHANE Mrs. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. The minivan pulls up.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. as soon as the customs paperwork clears.. Nope. Plummer. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on.

Lulu's classmates all chant. mortified. Zoe sits in a folding chair. "yeah..DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. ANGLE on Lulu. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . I know it's good. Principal Claire next to him. LULU'S CLASSROOM . EXT. ANGLE on Shane." Then. she wrecked a driver's Ed. squashed at a little desk. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. a crazed TEACHER next to her. He is gesticulating.. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. Murney stands.. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. So.she'll pay for the damage. sunglasses on. shaking his head. and smiles at Shane. LULU'S CLASSROOM . HITS the gas. THE GYM . Shane stands off to the side.DAY Driver's Ed. who sits in the back. reacting each time she HITS the gas.. MURNEY . car -. making a mess of an egg. then BRAKES. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. . An obstacle course with cones. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. SCREAMING. SHANE Don't worry. They look concerned. then BRAKES.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. He dips an INT.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR.INT. Shane nods. egg in some purple dye. Peter 60 She smiles.

) See if you can talk to the boy. But this. Todd and Zoe stand to go. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.. giving him a "skinhead" look. Shane scowls... SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. and I'm not sure what to do. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return.it's the boy. Zoe shrugs. Shane gives Zoe a look. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. And that's not all. No. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. it's not that -..yes. 61. SHANE He's not a NAZI. Todd enters. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.That? Lady drivers.but this is just sick.I'm a bit concerned. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. what do you expect. and Shane walks them out. (pulls Shane aside. but -. Murney calls into the hallway. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. I was doing a little recon in his locker. He does always miss sixth period. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.... boys will be boys -... . Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. Shane stops. what's going on. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -..

and Murney chases after him. if you ask me.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. and leaves. and leaps at Shane.that whole family's no good. I'll show you a couple moves. as he passes. stretching. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. 62. MURNEY It's a date then. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. SHANE I'll talk to him. Shane trips forwards to his knees.. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . Shane walks the kids out. MURNEY You're a good man. Murney laughs. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. I promise I won't hurt you. Kung team: Shane walks away. we'll give these boys a treat. SHANE Another time.. huh? (Shane ignores him. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. kicking him in the BACK.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Shane. and keeps walking.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. maybe. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Without warning.

He sees Zoe. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. but he . Murney his head. He starts to shut the window. but instead he takes a deep breath. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. INT. Shane parks. preheat the oven. and snickers to his Team. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out.. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Shane screws the window shut. SHANE Wait Todd. He enters.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. Shane looks out the window -. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. The window is wide open. and leaves. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it.far down the block. SHANE Smart kid. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. Nothing. Todd runs towards the house. It looks like Shane might fight. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. It's pink. do your homework. he can see Todd. so the alarm didn't go off. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. It's small for him. Keep all doors sealed. EXT. running around the corner. signal me. Shane hops out the window. On the corner. peering out her window. keeping the contact. you're in charge. I want to talk to you. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. with a flowered basket.. TODD'S ROOM . Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn.shakes Shane turns back.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .

inside.

DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.

65.

And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

.. it's over.. Liesl chimes in. Shane straightens up... Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. girls'll think I'm. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar..... BEAT.. LIESL We don't have a director.. they quickly assemble on stage.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around.. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. SHANE COMPANY -. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling.. Todd looks devastated -. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Shane looks at the Cast. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.What if. show's off. or not? Everyone nods. Chicks dig guys who can dance.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. Shane's glare. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. Shane shakes his head. they're not sure what to do. He smiles. weird or something? 66 . TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Todd looks up at Shane. TODD .

. He turns out the light.. I know it's no big deal. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.. LULU'S ROOM . ZOE .. SHANE .LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. PLUMMER HOUSE . He hears Zoe in her room.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. INT. No wait! ..just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. Scott. angrily. INT. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. I won't touch him. another girl picked up the phone... I don't know why I let it get to me.LATER .UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .Yes.. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. It's stupid.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. He peeks in -. Shane exits. BREAKING something. YES WHAT? SHANE . What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing.. SHANE Okay. I called him in his room. I promise. furious.

As Shane finishes the story.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.. The elves had to go in and take it out. facility. Once there was a family of Elves. Uranium. (MORE) T S L 8. To find a secret gnome. So -they waited for cloud cover.. setting up the scene with DOLLS..so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive.. Stumped. and they came in from the north. the little Elf family -. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. SHANE(CONT'D) One day.. he illustrates.. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into.. I 6 .. Shane looks at her surprised.Uh. ULU Tell me a story. He sits on the bed. on Lulu's floor. Went into the magic forest.. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.. Let's see.

And not one Elf got left behind that day.. the teeniest little elf of all -... and whispers to Peter. I can't remember that thing. NURSERY . He made it up for him. Even... lower than the floor. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance... and do the Panda Dance.... from across the hall. INT... Peter WAILS. Then. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . TODD I'll write it down for you. The wails get louder and LOUDER. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. S 69. And you ain't got a chance.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.. Lulu's fallen asleep. or he won't stop. .mean standing. c'mon. SHANE Oh.. Peter starts bawling. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. Todd calls from the doorway. Shane sighs. Like dad used to do.Rodriquez. We got `em all.. TODD You have to do the dance. head in the door.

T the A 70. terrified. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back.. Humiliated. (Tyler in the snuggle). He does the dance as he sings.. He sings again. Shane hops forward three times. She gets out in shock. The Kids sit bolt upright. Shane crab-walks sideways. Chun. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. just like the crabs do. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice.. and gets in the driver's seat. (He does. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. GARAGE . They turn to Zoe. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Shane turns and catches Mr. PLUMMER HOUSE . The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Lulu is next to him. Chun gets his paper. . mortified.) EXT. SHANE Today you drive. with her Gameboy.MORNING . Zoe realizes he's staring at her. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT.. Shane. Peter applauds.Shane sighs. through the mirror. staring.

Zoe is surprised. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. MINIVAN .CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Keep going.. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. jerkily.ZOE But -. Zoe backs jerkily out. Lulu and Todd are terrified. S P . Touched. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car.. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving.. no. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. I trust you. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. Shane is nervous. but trying not to show it. Shane is shaky. INT... Exactly.I can't even pass driver's Ed. The Kids share a dubious look. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. She pulls out. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. not the road..

being obnoxious. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. with a few FRIENDS. severe stare) Now. Very funny. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Claire strides into view. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Before Scott knows what's happened.. Shane jumps out of the car. EXT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Do we understand each other? Scott nods. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). INT.71. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Zoe smiles. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. hey head into the school. ZOE Ha ha ha. and a little make-up. 1500 hours. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack.Claire BARKS out. Shane unclenches his teeth. Shane lets him down and heads into school. trembling. SHANE Good. Chastened. Suddenly -.. terrified.. CAFETERIA .. laughing. Broken promises lead to broken legs. She's wearing a cute dress.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. Shane's . KIDS boisterously run past. Scott's terrified. Shane spots something. Next lesson.

S he sits beside him.. sailor? Thanks. him by the ear. Wow.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink.. Love it when he does that. something. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. impressed.eyes alight. He smiles back.." In one move.. She smiles. Shane`s not so good at small talk. too. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. and offers him a milk. SHANE hey eat in silence. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . you never know who you're going to run into. dragging . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. Suddenly. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. S T P .. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. She's waiting for him to say. Principal Claire sighs "not again. Shane leaps over the table. It's a miracle.

MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back.. Then: TODD I am not scared.. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. What're you so scared of..Murney shoves Todd forward. M 73.. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. . Talk. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. Murney turns around. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. now it all makes sense. I want to sing. It opens Friday. Murney gets up in Shane's face. MURNEY I've had it. Todd looks.. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. I. Yeah I do. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. Silence. Murney. I'm right here. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to.. Freak? The Students snicker. intimidated. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. MURNEY Winners never quit. boy. TODD Hey. No one's sure they heard him right. I quit.

me.face to face. Your ass is mine. furious -URNEY So -. You win. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. swarm Todd. humiliated. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. it's scary S 74. The Gym.Shane steps them. Murney did not expect to be called out. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. Todd's telling the truth.it reads: . The whole team wants to quit. His voice cracks -. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. There is a stunned moment -. Murney looks around. TODD There is a man in my house -. So calm. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. He storms out.and then a mob of Students. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. Everyone is watching.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. protecting him. You suck.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. taking flyers. Let's do it. M urney looks over at the Team. They look to the ground sheepishly. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS.

mumbling something. WHAM. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. rushes Shane. Shane throws an arm around Todd. hard. and sweeps Murney -. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Todd cheers Shane on." INT. grabs onto Murney's waist. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. and they head out. Murney bounds to his feet. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Shane side-steps. The bleachers are PACKED. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Murney. Murney lands on his back. M URNEY on. quietly twitching on the ground. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE .sending him right into the wall. shocked. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands.BAM. S 75. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another."Murney's getting his ass kicked.3:00 mat. 3:00. GYM . SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Todd flops to the mat.

Todd. too. BUGS. that's all. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. . If you're not sure. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. The crowd cheers. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here.Dislocated nerve. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. TO: EXT. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . Claire. fascinated. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. FOREST .DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. 76 SHANE either. No brownies edible. TODD That was awesome. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. LULU We're Brownies. She gives him a thumbs up. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. They walk out. I got my troops waiting. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. When I Rwanda.

He scoops up some bugs and EATS them.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty.FRONT LAWN .DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. PLUMMER HOUSE . BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. she burns rubber. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. NURSERY . The Kids don't get it. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. the Girls PUNCH. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. MALL PARKING LOT . KICK..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. in between punches. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. here.she hits EVERY ONE -.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones.fascinated. he reaches out and rocks it.. EXT.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. He illustrates the stage directions. in perfect tempo.we'll put Von Trapps here. PUNCH." INT. Zoe ... Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. OLD FACTORY . MALL PARKING LOT . Shane holds a stopwatch.. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. here at the top of the stairs. and. In unison. INT. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. The Duck watches all this -. He laughs at his own joke. EXT. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. PUNCH. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him.. KICK. He signals her.

it teeters. PLUMMER HOUSE . NURSERY . as and then her BROWNIE uniform. INT." Lulu. EXT. but doesn't fall.. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. He counts begins wriggling free.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.. T I E 77..DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. EXT.3.. in we WIDEN back.FRONT LAWN . Hands a T . blur. EXT.BACK YARD . your life little girl. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.. Shane gives her a signal. she only clips one.out and weaves the cones..DAY -"1. ODD .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. OLD FACTORY . MALL PARKING LOT . she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. PLUMMER HOUSE .NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. The Brownies attack.. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.2.. INT. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. They watch closely. mercilessly.

SHANE I'm not your daddy. He does a spin kick. Peter Panda. daddy. Shane is so touched. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. odd tries the spinning kick. but blows it. But sweet dreams. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . NURSERY . THUD! Gazelle. INT.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.hard. He kisses Peter on the forehead. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.huh? Now. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night.he's got it down. Peter. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. 8." Singing and doing all the moves -. Peter. Todd tries the kick. Graceful. adding a James Brown flourish. Graceful. he almost bursts into tears. now and then. Again. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -.EVENING . 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Then he tucks Peter in.

S SHANE That's my troop. In one move.he sees. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. Across the lot.MOMMY! She lets him go -. but like lightning. striking a cool pose. FORMATION. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts.CONTINUOUS Shane shops.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. As he's comparing prices -. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown.. INT.. proud. The . wearing the double snuggle. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. The Scouts share a look -. He smiles. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. at their own table. tying him. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. he lands on the ground hard. 9. the Chubby Cub Scouts. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. see them. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. she wraps it around his arm. the Other Scouts are scared.in a FLIP. scary. You're gonna have to pay for that.they LAUGH. The Scout struggles. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N

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- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z

Z

S

1.

8

SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

J 82. happy. talking excitedly.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . we're on the first plane in the morning. EXT. INT. A tear runs down Zoe's face.soldier. the kids are all abuzz.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end.SHANE He's left alone. HOTEL . BACK YARD . OE I never even got to say good bye. The phone rings.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. ANGLE . sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. HALLWAY . Shane answers it. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. She throws her arms around Shane. WITH: J INT. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.

Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. your wings aren't clipped.NIGHT hane turns the light on. Suddenly. Three squares a day. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Kids to play S . SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. He pets the Duck. Shane sighs morosely. No reason for personal attachments. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. with.. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. hane rises. GARAGE . SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Shane sits in a lawn chair.. Gary sits in the next chair. SHANE Just another assignment. the Duck starts quacking. unblinking. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. he Duck stares. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Shane turns.The house is dark. INT.

. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. unsuccessfully.. he floor opens. TO: to S 84. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. shines it down the grate. The break in its surface is a strange. The Kids are watching his progress. only It's solid and inscrutable. leading below the garage. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. BOTTOM OF STAIRS .. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. Lulu hands him a tool. INT. INTERC UT: B harder. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. . DISSOLVE INT.. Nothing. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. No hinges or cracks. He's been trying. Shane steps down it. and then it gives. Shane dials a phone. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. GARAGE .CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. The wheel spins. crack the lock all night.SHANE What happened.. He tries muscles rippling. we see a CRANK WHEEL... Shane looks on stunned.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.

he answers it. Through a window. Away from Shane.. I've been trying all night. TO: INT..Lulu. MRS..MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. CHUN CUT BACK . An ominous pause. and hangs up. towards the neighbor's house.don't do anything `til I get there.EXT. can't crack it. relieved. Everyone reacts happily. BILL .. GARAGE . She looks stricken.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. SEDAN . W e PUSH INTO the house. After we turn this in to my CO. Do you have it? SHANE No. Except for -. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. Bill's cell phone rings. pleased. GHOST. GARAGE . Silently spying on Shane. don't do anything further. excited. sir. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. I think I found GHOST.. TO: INT. We'll be there shortly -. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Julie sits beside him.. Okay. SHANE Sir! Excellent news.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. It's in a steel vault. Bill reacts. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark.

so they probably trashed the place. Shane -. KIDS VOICES .. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. Tongue-tied. LULU But. comes into the dark hall.O. I 85. should be home soon. Julie and Bill hop out. INT. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.. J JULIE'S P.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.V. HOUSE ..they hear.: The house is spotless. Bill is carrying her suitcases. JULIE'S HOUSE .does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . The rug is vacuumed. in shock. he has no answer.. SHANE You guys better get ready.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. Lulu? You should be happy.SHANE He goes silent. The fish tank is clear. She trails off. in the next room. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). Your mom CUT TO: EXT.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Kids singing a beautiful.

Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. Across the room.. DINING ROOM . Peter is fresh faced.. INT. Lulu has bows in her hair. Julie goes to the. Julie starts bawling. Dumb-struck. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. ZOE Welcome home.. Shane sees Bill enter. mom. She sees. S SHANE Captain. Lieutenant. for a thousand years.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. KITCHEN . The Kids rush forward and hug her.. BILL (he smiles wryly.. smiling. featuring Todd. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. Zoe is in a conservative dress. 8 JULIE almost faints. ( B 6. with songs they have sung. Bill steadies her. then salutes back) Good job. no dishes in the sink.. She staggers to. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. INT.. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.(singing.. picture- .CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. a capella) .

BILL I should hope not. Bill holds the pronged key. Shane. anywhere you want. pause) But I'll have to think about it. Don't get me wrong. reluctant.DAY Shane leads Bill inside... ILL I'm really proud of you.INT.. surprised. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . an ANGRY VOICE. And I think I want to explore that some more. Sir. SHANE That's kind of you. all I've never known is the military. Bill stops. You just name it. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Shane continues. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. Suddenly. S S 87. GARAGE .. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.

and Mrs. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr... while SLAMMING their heads together.. hane takes control! He smiles.when suddenly.. Shane puts his hands behind his head. confused. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.. Chun.SHANE Lights out. startled. then passes out. GUNS DRAWN.. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head.. Mr. CLOSE-UP .. Mrs.. Things are spinning. Disoriented. Chun comes closer. SHANE'S POV woozy.. relishing a second of glory -. reaching for Bill's key. Shane peers in confusion. and starts to fall.Shane and Bill spin. startled. MRS. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms.. Shane shoots Bill a glance. He takes a submissive position. There were delays. . he looks up as he drops. He is losing consciousness.. B 88. He turns.

JULIE I trusted you. The Korean Man (Mr... FADE IN: INT. then slides OPEN! enter. 8 Bill grins. and it CLICKS. ILL North Korea pays better... scared. GARAGE . Beside the safe is a red switch. Chun) Keep an eye on them. Chun) secures the room. (to Mr. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Inside is a dark corridor. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. exit. The door HUMS. with two .BLACK. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. INT..DAY Shane lies unconscious. closing the window shades. The floor is covered with square tiles. Charles trusted you. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. You -. INT. 9.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Peter has a JUICE BOX. bright and white. He GAGS the kids. Bill and Mrs. reaching. They whimper. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. Julie glares. Bill and Mrs. Chun approach the steel door. So did the Department of Defense. NURSERY . They THE VAULT! Spare. livid. Bill checks the knots binding the children.. They anxiously tiptoe. The Kids are furious. tied up. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.with me.

MR.S. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat.. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. she hits her panic button! O.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT.the Kids look innocent. then leans back against Zoe. He sneers.. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. had eyebrows. like a monstrous computer. startled -. With a rapid blur of finger-work. Mrs. Bill eyes the safe. done. Chun's eyebrows are neatly.. CHUN Just. Lulu frowns. horrified -. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. but the of her jacket is on fire. quickly assuming a fake bound position. the Chun spins. But behind her back. She confidently strides toward the safe -.SAME TIME Mr. Mr. then Mr. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. completely SINGED OFF. MRS. off shoulder eyebrows. MRS. The air is filled with an ominous. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. she unties Zoe! Then -. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No..needing a distraction. Mr. Chun guards the kids..and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. BEEPING. HOUSE . INT. It's set on ARMED. Chun is Bokay..settings: ARMED and DISARMED. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Chun whirls -.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. CHUN But I've got some C4. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . as if she hadn't moved. low-pitched HUM. eyeballing them icily. Lulu "looks" scared. Tyler GASPS.

slamming the door behind her. Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Mr. snake-like move. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Mr. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Chun scowls. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. when he's at her level. CHUN That's cute. Chun laughs: MR.. They untie Julie. HAM without warning. Mr. Skeptical. BEHIND TODD . Lulu runs. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist.. Chun looks at Lulu. he steps closer. Chun's face.. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun's leg.W Z 90. then. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. he drops to his knees in pain. Chun's head. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. she KICKS him right in the nuts. . It HURTS.. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close.

CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.doorknob. they're trapped inside. He puts his face up to the hole he's made..but as Julie exits. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.CONTINUOUS Mr. DONNGGG -. NURSERY . INT. INT.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. NURSERY . She SCREAMS..Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT.CONTINUOUS Mr. but the door won't budge. Chun falls back from the door. He yells out furious! MR. FRONT DOOR .. Bill lurches into view... He sticks his face out the hole. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . M E M 91. making a small hole. his face COATED in white.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. INT. clutching her! The .. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . I INT. Chun punches the door. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. Chun's face.

ARGHH! driveway. Chun listens to Mr. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.. unsure. Chun THE RADIO. HOUSE .CONTINUOUS r.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. . speaking in Korean: RS. they're not going anywhere. INT.I've got the keys. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. Chun comes racing around the house -. MR.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.. Mrs. HOUSE .. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. They start to run back. then nod and run to the side garage. CHUN Chun falls. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -.. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. She floors it. MINIVAN . EXT.kids are horrified.

Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. Mrs. VAN .. Then. Chun exits the vault. gaining on them. GARAGE .Charles didn't tell me about the room.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. chilled. INT. holding a military RADIO. Julie GASPS. a CRACKLING of static. leading her to the secret door. They step past Shane's body. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. oe runs a yellow. INT. lying on the concrete.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. B . BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM.. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. Don't make me kill you too. It's getting old.

NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. ill eyes him.. Bill.he clicks "talk" on the radio. ILL . Bill deciding if he can trust him. BILL Change of plan.SHANE They look over -. just please don't hurt anyone. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. The men stare down. BUSY STREET ..93. I'll get you in. Do it. Surprised. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.) Bill. Then -. emotional. everyone looks down.S. ZOE . ANGLE . It's like a chariot race. they might wreck. to cut them off! INT. half on the sidewalk. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. SHANE (O. CHUN Mr.. MINIVAN .Shane is standing in the doorway. It's B risky. my husband has question: MR. Bring them back unharmed. Chun zooming by.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. He tries to pass them on the right. He does something we can't see... EXT. don't hurt the kids.DAY The vehicles race.. Bill uncuffs Shane. as Zoe drives. MRS.

Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. It throws Mr. She Mr. . Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Mrs. Chun off for a beat.. In the van. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. INT. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. crayons. CRASH!! The kids cheer... CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Bill waits impatiently. SECRET VAULT . Shane is figuring his options.What's taking you? 94. and loses control. Mr. orange peels. Hair spray. Chun ROLLS UP his window. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. M R. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.. disoriented. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Zoe looks over. Chun holds Julie.. Exasperated.. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Chun with debris: milk cartons. Peter laughs. Mr. Chun SCREAMS.. triumphant. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Mr.. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener.

Shane leaps back. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. confidently: J B B 95 . Shane steps forward.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. . Sweat drips down Shane's face. ill cocks his gun. Watch.. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe..now. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. in pain. Shane steps forward .A bewildered beat -. Tyler! Bill reacts. over one beam and ducking under another -. Shane gets up. Bill laughs. He speaks aloud.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Shane SQUIRTS it. go get it -.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. sending him flying backwards. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. BILL Code or no code. puzzled. Lulu. Todd. landing on his hands and knees. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Peter.

JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor.they have no idea what he's laughing about. NOTHING HAPPENS.. and do the Peter Panda Dance. fearlessly. Something she said. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . Bill and Julie share a look -. He takes a deep breath. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. lower than the floor. He thinks.. CLOSE-UP . SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.. When you're down and low. Calmness comes to Shane's face.. Julie relieved. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Shane LAUGHS sharply. . No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Shane he steps forwards. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). across two tiles. E 96 . not quite centered to the room. And you haven't got a chance. Again -. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. just like the crabs do. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. then back: smiles.NOTHING HAPPENS. He steps sideway. He feels the Groove.SHANE Shane's thinks.

he'd be toast. BUSY INTERSECTION .you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. If he'd been standing.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. 5-0. EXT.it takes a while. and he catches up with the minivan -. Inside is the Cute Cop.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. 9 7. and our bodyguard -. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. Use the gas. The Squad Car's lights flash on. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. not the brake. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. They have my mom. When he steps back -. Zoe blows past it. his focus gone.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. Don't follow me! . they're FLYING. from the ceiling. ZOE Come on.

nervously. INT. Claire frowns. It's acid. .MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. EXT.. but if I had more resources. concerned.. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. My intelligence proved to be faulty. almost running it off road. the Minivan SPEEDS by. pool of liquid. EXT. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. PLUMMER BASEMENT . I accept full responsibility. at a safe distance.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor.. Squad Car turns around and chases her. Following the chase. Suddenly. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. SUBURBAN STREET . 98. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. in a cloud of smoke. Then better jump quick. like there ain't no floor.. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. The Squad Car is on its tail.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. sliding forward. She shakes her head. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. NECK-BRACE. SCHOOL . is Mr. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. Zoe U-turns. and speeds back towards her house. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again.

Mrs. Shane scowls. Bill takes a breath -. 99. Bill looks around. to calm down) Almost done. The safe's red light turns green. Finally. Chun follows. He nervously steps forward . "Just hold your breath.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. sir. He flips the switch to DISARMED. He lands in front of THE SAFE. She gestures back: you go." He jumps.and walks across the room. Beat. I knew you'd figure it out. He's relieved -. and jump to the left. BILL I'll take that as a "no. It's a stand-off. He holds his breath just in time. Chun to go first. The whole room goes SILENT. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates.. almost done. Bill shrugs. to the left of the HOLE.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. All that we stand for." . You were always my best man. BILL (CONT'D) You know. What do you say -. And you betrayed all of that. Bill signals for Mrs.he waves his hand over the floor. if you're willing to join up. Nothing happens. Shane. BILL Thank you.. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. pulling Julie along. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. Whew. disgusted. and jumps back. The Booby Traps are disarmed. Immediately.

Relief. But suddenly Mrs. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Chun reaches out. then catches himself. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. hitting Bill's arms. SIZZLING. Shane reaches for the safe. BILL None requested. He starts to reach for the dial. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. shaking from the voltage. Chun LEAPS onto his back.. her hair on end. unrelenting. BILL (CONT'D) . MRS. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. but Shane gazes coldly. Bill is incensed. Bill gestures to Mrs. Bill LUNGES. Something's not right. I walked the floor first. Mrs.Mrs. Nothing happens.. Full of himself. Shane shrugs. head. Bill is off guard. and touches the dial. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her... He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares..Bill turns to the safe. You open it. legs! He's crazed. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on.. I think you better open it. Chun. then PUNCHES him in the gut. Chun doesn't budge. She turns it. Reluctantly . trying to read Shane's poker face. . SHANE There will be no mercy. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.

Shane shakes his head. kick.. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. Shane narrows his eyes. Say. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat.BILL He steps over Shane. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Suddenly. unable to gain her balance. terrible neighbor. She smiles. spin.. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. She catapults. which Shane deflects -. Shane struggles to lose her. connecting only occasionally. everyone is SCREAMING. ANGLE .. He jumps to his feet. the wind knocked out of him. delivering a series of hard punches.! EXT. IN THE VAN. It's clear the both have the same training. he drops and FLIPS her. stumbles backwards across the room. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. Leering mercilessly. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. knocking her out. tottering. SHANE You're a. SIRENS wailing. SHANE .they tangle like pro's. They punch. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. Shane COLD-COCKS her. Shane tumbles. PLUMMER'S STREET . good night.O. The Police Cars . chase after. K. OOF! Bill tumbles. then whispers/sings. landing on his back in front of the safe.. But he's unforgiving. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. saved. Bill is charging him.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls.

JULIE Thank you Shane.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. She smiles at Shane. The garage door raises. then look in the safe: Inside. with their hands raised. Now we can go back to our peaceful. The van SKIDS. smoke BURNING from the tires -.and hits a tree. They look in silence.O.. GHOST. from the car. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop.. then BRAKES.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. SHANE . The Kid spill out and run. HOUSE .) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP.. But it's too late. Shane gently removes it.SAME TIME Total commotion.. Shane steps out. INT.101. grateful. The kids clamber from the van. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. Cops surround them. Then -. SECRET VAULT . It's finally over. Whoa. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think .

CUTE COP FREEZE. Cops cover Shane and Julie. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. Mr. officer. The Cops are unsure what to do. TEN MILLION DOLLARS.S. Shane spins. 10 2. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. Even Chun is amazed. Numerous. He's disheveled and manic. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. CHUN (O. But then -. Julie and Shane Freeze.. MR.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. Chun stands inside the gate. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.. ZOE But. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -.... triumphant. and grabs the MR. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. vaults onto Chun. Shane weighs his not so many options. you're in a lot of trouble.a CRAZED SCREAM. Zoe. Nobody is sure what to do. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. He scoffs. uh. Silence. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST.. Now. as he turns his head.) HIT THE GROUND!!! .. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. helpless. I suggest you call the FBI..

watching the FBI Agents work. INT. DISSOLVE TO: EXT.I.B.B. Shane talks with an F..B..CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. SHANE Just doing my job. This chaos is unsolvable. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.rocket launcher. ANGLE . You're a one-man battalion.I. F .B. Shane examines it. F. CLOSE-UP .I. CLOSE-UP . Wolfe. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. reaches for his radio.SHANE He breaks into a big grin.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. he . swelling with pride. COP I think I'll call the FBI.I. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. GARAGE .CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. AGENT Mr. that was nice work. 103.LATER F. Julie huddles with the kids. then walks off. AGENTS swarm the area. PLUMMER HOUSE . Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. Agent.

. 104.. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . Peter. SHANE . Lulu -.Maui? .. from the safe.. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.. Tyler. On. Summer's almost here. You tell me...CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. then Julie found the key. here.Yes. fallen onto the floor.I want to say: I love you more than anything. You're the superior office. Julie. The Plummers hug each other. and Julie notice. re-conning the situation. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. Shane looks at her. Zoe. A tear comes to her eye.. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. say -.. Her siblings.. Todd. I'm kinda. Mock-angry. I'm on dry land. He looks around: at the family. He looks at Claire. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. And to tell the truth. and gather around. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. I don't know. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. a letter. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. SHANE Well. Does it itch? Yes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. I always have. She sees.. EXT.

baffled. He starts to head off. Zoe gives them a look -.SHANE This is too much. TIGHT . ZOE But. For everything..that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH.his medal.Sir yes sir.. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. interrupting. A long beat. 105. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -.he can't keep it in. Shane. He puts them down.. The Plummers all approach. P ETER Love you. Your work here is through. Thank you. LULU This is it. squeezing them off the ground.. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Shane bawls -. Lulu turns to Shane. I'm gonna . He wipes his face. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. She puts out her hand. SHANE Claire beams. come here you. SHANE Ah.he hugs the whole family at once. He squeezes her hand around it. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. Guess you have to go now. Julie looks up. sad. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. to shake his. Like he did.

even Murney. beaming with pride. Julie watches in astonishment. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Scott: in a suit. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. the little Brownie Troop. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. he leaps into the SPIN KICK." Hearts swell. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Claire: dressed to the nines. hit your marks. Shane stands. She is surrounded by her children. A STANDING OVATION. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. his hair combed. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. Farewell. until he sits back down. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. VICTORIA THEATRE. The performers take their curtain . In SLOW MOTION. It's fantastic -. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. BACKSTAGE .a Michael Jordan dunk." In the audience. Shane watches with bated breath. Todd spins. You Are Sixteen begins. They all watch.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. rapt.

imsdb. THE END http://www.-The. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. He humbly steps into view -.calls.com/scripts/Pacifier. Shane smiles.html on December 9 2010 . FADE OUT. touched.and the house goes crazy. Mission accomplished. Thundering applause. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.

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