THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

United States Navy. He tries force the door open. hauling the Professor up. He's gone. over his head. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. I'm gonna get you outta here.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. Plummer screams. He cuts the Professor's GAG. One of our SEALS calls out to them. highway option. ON THE DECK . The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. INT.. Shane removes his mouth piece. EXT. .. My way -. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. to the roof. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. As the water rises. SHIP'S HOLD . him his oxygen. When it finally opens. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. when I say it.. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. they're almost out of ammo. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. PLUMMER How did you know where Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics.. Up to his nose. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. But you have to do exactly what I say. but can't get free. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances.SIMULTANEOUS 4.

ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. and pulls himself. INT. HELICOPTER . EXT. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. SHIP'S HOLD . He . the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. more!" They do. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. terrified.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW...MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. Hold on.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Shane takes a deep breath. then disappear gracefully back into the water. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. HELICOPTER . clearly he loves this kind of day.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. holding the Professor.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. pulling the Professor in behind him. SHANE INT. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. OCEAN'S SURFACE . INT. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. 5.

Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk.. shutting him up.. .A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. That was the most incredible. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. Charles stops Shane. Please. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth.beside him.. waits. We have to keep moving. CHARLES I'm safe. She thinks I'm dead. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. PLUMMER Oh my God. how'd we. the Professor looks terrified. CHARLES Lieutenant. rotors whirling slowly.. thank you. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . EXT. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative... Not imperative to the mission. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. Lieutenant. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. I can't believe you. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. I'm just not big on chit chat.

I'm alive. RUN!!! black.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. PILOT sits. PAVE HAWK .. Tyler. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. knocked unconscious... SHANE We're almost ready. Designed it myself.couldn't crack it. and talks.. Charles dials. WHAM. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. INT. Shane looks at him. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. Shane considers. you want to see it? Negative. DEAD. All goes . SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. then hands him his satellite phone. Peter. It's voice activated. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. Todd. I do security.. that's my specialty.Charles picks up his briefcase. back to him. Charles dials his cell phone. The briefcase pops open. puzzled.. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward.. Lulu. Shane drops. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor.... I have a picture of my kids in here.

despondent.friendly. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. He looks around. as the chopper ignites.. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. and takes Charles' Briefcase. sir. Captain. PAVE HAWK .. You're the best man I ever trained.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.: Everything is a blur. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. HOSPITAL . unconscious. Bill sits down beside the bed.O. I know sir. SHANE .7.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. Shane reaches out. There is huge explosion. He takes a long look at Shane. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. EXT. but he does it anyway. He holds a REPORT in his hand. And a good friend. in slow-motion. A Huey Helicopter lands. unassuming. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. And I except full responsibility for the mission's hurts to salute. He sees Charles. barely conscious. HOSPITAL .V. His arm and face bandaged. SHANE'S P. Everything is ablaze.

SHANE Sir. 8..S. appreciate your confidence.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.. He pulls up a chair. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for.. as I stated in my report. really. I. and starts to rise. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.O.a genius. and sits opposite Shane. disconnects an IV.. .S..H. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. He called it G. I'm gonna need the mini sub.. He can't believe his good fortune. BILL . Then. Shane sits up.SHANE He had to call his family. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.T. Invigorated. Thank you. G.. SHANE The case was empty sir. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. he pulls off bandages. disappointed.O. It's not that kind of mission.T.H. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. Bill considers this. BILL Not a surprise. is still out there. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. Bill shakes his head.

Shane is shocked. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. I'm alive. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.NIGHT .O..S.S. BILL . and protect them... anyway. Widow. She told me someone had broken into her home. intrigued.. SHANE'S APARTMENT . we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. Maybe it is. Shane is surprised. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. Searched the place.Shane listens. BILL The professor's wife requested you. hearing the dead man's voice.. I need someone to stay at that house. I love you. Either way. The family's scared.if anything happens to me. CUT TO: INT.. I'll call you in an hour. It's just that. is in that house. I got a call from the professor's wife. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket.. Shane Wolfe. presses play. Not even when I was a kid sir.) Honey. CHARLES (O. He's a good man.T.H. sir. (MORE) 9.. sir. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. I should go. maybe it isn't. top to bottom.. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. call Lt. I've never been very good with kids.. Whoever killed the professor must think G.

Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. Shane looks down -. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. and pulls out a small.Shane packs his duffel bag. ready for anything. identical to the one he wears. Shane heads to the door.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. night vision goggles. Shane eyes Lulu. they all go in. Hm. He reaches in.then the door swings open. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. It SQUEAKS.O. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.V. also identical to the one he wears. we're not interested. Shane looks like a bad ass.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. camouflage vest. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. 10. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. Lulu eyes Shane. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. He rejects it. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. with toys all over the lawn. SUBURBAN STREET . EMALE VOICE (o. . Shane's P. He looks at for a moment.. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside.. 8... Shane frowns. The sprinklers go off.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. peering up at him.and sees LULU. Shane double-checks the address. EXT. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). machete.s.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

I think it could contain GHOST.s. JULIE That's wonderful. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. INT. Shane. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. it's Bill Fawcett.Nighttime -.) Julie.MORNING stand hug Julie. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.. Swiss law says only his family can access it. with her suitcase.. Through the window. 14. Julie casually answers it.. entersJULIE I'll be there. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. We slowly pull out. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . LIVING ROOM .) There's a catch. INT. through the kitchen window.the family eats dinner. I have some potentially good news.s. listening to the conversation. This could all be over! BILL (o.. BILL (o. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Julie and Shane share a look.NIGHT Shane. Helga will .s. The phone RINGS inside. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.

And on the phone.. chill. Helga will take care of everything else. SHANE Don't worry. HELGA Everything will be fine. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. I love you guys. No. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. H S . Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. ZOE Mom -.handle everything. it's just. Plummer. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I'll be back in 48 hours. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway.. . I'm gonna miss you... I am a mom... Julie gets in the car and it drives away. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. They'll be safe with me. are you licensed to kill? . Mrs.. do it.. it's my job to worry.we'll be fine. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me.. And guys. And on the back door. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.

NIGHT hane rushes in -. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. He shuts off the - . Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. You do something. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Shane shakes his head. SHANE (CONT'D) .. Shane turns off the light.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. on a short ladder. Immediately. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. can't find him.s. I make bottle.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. Shane heads down the hall.. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. pouring in Cheerios.5. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. when in the corner of his eye -... screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM ... Gary suddenly FLIES by .NIGHT Shane. INT.WHRRP! Shane ducks. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. INT. looks around for the CRYING BABY. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. elga stomps out.

Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. ZOE He's my boyfriend.window alarm and sneaks out silently. 16. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL.. come on Scott. ... He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. fine. Shane runs. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE.. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. S COTT . He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. EXT. SHANE Not with this kid. PLUMMER HOUSE . tool. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. calling out from across the street.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood.go back inside. house like a marionette. I'll call you. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. jumps onto the trampoline. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. ZOE Okay.. Zoe -. runs off. but alright. Shane LIFTING him in the air. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.BACK YARD . SHANE So you're the one who broke in. He's dazed. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. Zoe! . They both tumble to the ground.

Oh.. The alarm stops. Kojak. They're arguing with each other in Korean. MR. Shane stands there. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.. THE CHUNS. We had an intruder. MR. I INT. pop their heads out. PLUMMER HOUSE . CHUN Thanks a bunch. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. SHANE My apologies. huh baby-sitter? Mr. Look. CHUN (perfect English. Shane addresses them. Oh. Sorry. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. SHANE MRS. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . we own a bakery... A simple misunderstanding. no accent) We speak English. fuming. Shane's about to head inside. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. and we found this in our pool filter.. CHUN . Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. The Alarm's still blaring.. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. so we're up kind of early.NIGHT .Zoe storms inside.

She has to hop on one foot. He "hops" her down the hall to her room.) sing).my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. S W 1 8. SHANE Not anymore.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. You should have told her the truth. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.s. Loud. Shane marches back down the hall. ZOE Who do you think you are -. continues down the hall. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. . angry rock music blares from Todd's room. Bite me! Shane frowns. to not fall over. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Shane flips her foot in the air. Zoe falls backwards into the room. Shane shuts her door. lower than the floor. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). And you feel like you ain't got a chance.

INT. Three steps forward. HOUSE .DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. EXT. Then jumps up. just like the crabs do. warm orange light.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. The Children.laugh and laugh. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. to their beds. Peter in his bed. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. and do the Peter Panda Dance. In the bedrooms. Shane shakes his head. one step back. PLUMMER HOUSE . ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. then "crab-walks" sideways. T Z Z T 19.groove. She does. he wriggles on the floor. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. in bed -. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. .

motionless. carrying the crying baby. Not in front of the kids. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT.. Covering their ears. oe is wrapped in blankets. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. disoriented. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. like she's been electrocuted..odd is out cold. 20 . HALLWAY .CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. half-asleep and angry. L Move.m. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. Helga runs through in hair curlers. ODD It's Sunday.MORNING Todd sits up. S . Suddenly his door flies open -. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. not understanding what's happening. You're insane. INT. Move. TODD'S ROOM . Todd blinks groggily.

ladies. lined up tallest to shortest.. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.) Shane's jaw drops. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. Your behavior is unacceptable. L 21. HELGA (She curses Again. sucking on a you... in Romanian. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and you.. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. shocked. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. KITCHEN .he gives him a look of disbelief.LATER The children are assembled. . No highway option. INT. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. LULU ("copying" him) I said -.

End of chain. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. He tries the knob. Never take them off. Everyone cracks up. he's furious.a tense silence. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation.. Shane bounds up the stairs. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium.. Shane tries to maintain decorum. Red Leader. Now that I know I can't trust you.Shane starts to speak then thinks better.and you do it. Red baby. So you are -. Touch that -. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. ZOE I am not wearing that. He yells at her. Shane bangs hard on it. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Angry. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. S ULU (CONT'D) . or you're dead. where's the older male? There were five.(pointing) Red 1. SHANE Tracking devices. The panic button is only for emergencies. wait.. I tell you what to do -. INT. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you.. Everyone stares blankly -. ZOE He's in his room. Red 2.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. but it's locked. P eter better be dying.

INT. then CRASHES inward. I can fix this.. HALLWAY . INT. Oops. She stops at Todd's door -. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.. Todd nods in agreement. hits Shane on the head. the destroyed door and wall. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane steps aside. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris.22. to her room. Zoe comes up the stairs.. A piece of the ceiling falls. Down the hall -. patrolling. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. He sees Shane. He has to go. If you'd been wearing it.they glare at Shane. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet.a FLUSH.NIGHT The bathroom door opens.MORNING .. this wouldn't have happened. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it.LATER ZOE . The entire frame collapses.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. and head down the hall. INT. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. and Todd comes sauntering back.

And then it hits Shane. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. hard. he hears something suspicious -. hey. He rushes for the front door. just as -. He pretends to be a ghost.WHACK -. HALLWAY . From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. I don't know. INT. Really? His eyes light up.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. wearing a towel as a sheet. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. PAPERBOY (O.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. Peter! screams. He said there's a ghost. L S 23.the rumble of a car approaching. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. His head shifts. clicks his alarm remote opens it.LATER .S. Peter Booos again. LULU This house is haunted. Lulu SHANE Hey. Daddy even said so. Lulu hides behind Shane. Shane turns. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. to see that Peter is chasing her.

T IGHT .. as laundry flutters down from above. Then -. appears. Searching. Shane scans it. Zoe whispers.. listening for hollow spaces. When he hears an alert from his laptop. STAIRWAY . Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down.a creak. then turns his attention to his laptop.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. F . inally. MR. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. She screams.. pushing.Shane walks slowly down the hall. He RAPS again. ZOE Here he comes. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. Nothing.ZOE AND TODD . carrying a huge laundry basket. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. all the way down. scanning the ceiling. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga.. BANGING her head and ass on each step. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. He goes back to the living room. I INT. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. feeling..

He feebly gets up. . He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. we're going to have to file a complaint. ZOE Uh-oh. If we can't get some faster service. EXT. Then looks back to the paperwork. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. Bill can't stand it anymore. He jumps to his feet. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. INT. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. then licks his finger to turn the page. They wait patiently -.They gulp. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. this is an urgent matter. looking jet-lagged. The Banker looks at him blankly.DAY Bill and Julie. SWISS BANK . The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. BANKER Marcel! out. He licks his finger again.DAY Establishing. terrified. It's taking him a LONG time.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. SWISS BANK . mouthing along in FRENCH. I can't. but can't get the page to turn. 25. Not in Switzerland. He seems to be about 100 years old. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry.

AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. The duck flies around. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. How long is that? INT. and Helga dashes for the door. QUACKING. MARCEL.Shane tries to block her path. As she tries to wrestle it away. RING! Amid the chaos. I QUIT. suitcases in hand. He DRAGS her back. Suddenly. the chief does not speak English. The suitcase handle breaks off. HELGA I am calm. remain calm -- 26. PLUMMER HOUSE .Another Banker.SAME TIME Helga. SHANE (CONT'D) . Shane picks up the receiver. Peter's in the aquarium. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. But I can tell you will have access to the box tout-suite. Oui. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. heads to the door -. He grabs her suitcase. Shane dives. grabbing her foot. Shane moves for the phone. JULIE Thank you. As soon as your background checks clear. enters. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it.

Helga scampers out the door. and Shane falls back. CRUNCH. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Shane hangs up the phone. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door.. Mrs. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . He picks up his hand.Helga falls forwards. (covering the phone. Shane body-checks it closed.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand.. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause.Ah. EXT. HOUSE .. Just doing my. Plummer. Duty. that landed on a diaper.everything's fine. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Mrs. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Shane lets go. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -.. against the counter. Plummer. Helga struggles to get him off. 27. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care.

.Helga jumps in the cab.SHANE Rises. listen up. The 28.. defeated. she'll come back..SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. He drops his head. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. Helga glares back. if she loves you. There's been a change of plans. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. INT.he slowly glances up. ANGLE . dumbfounded. ANGLE .. HOUSE . KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. Then -. in the rear window. takes a deep breath and strides inside. In the meantime. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. baby cries. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. SHANE Okay. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. . we're just gonna have some more big fun. to find the kids are all gloomy. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture.

SHANE Whoa. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. And then -. 29. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. your enthusiasm. holding out the Baby at full arm's flops open. Nobody will help. SShane GROANS. everyone bolts from the room.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. INT. BATHROOM . and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. nice moment. Using the tools as chopsticks.SHANE He gulps. holding his nose. I'm Navy. Pure self-preservation. Only then can we rise to the challenge. CLOSE-UP . .. Until -.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. takes a deep breath. All for one. inundated. HEY! Even Peter runs. repelled.. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey.

making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Shane tries approaching -. HALLWAY . over and over and over. like a puppy. 30. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. he looks down to see Lulu. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. LULU Hi. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.he can't do it. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. Lulu follows at his heels.) Thank you. SHANE (unsure how to respond. then FLUSHES. she just stares at him. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Lulu is in her pj's.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. he looks around for a solution. She follows. INT. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. .. I think you're cute..SHANE The things I do for my country. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. Aghast. Lulu doesn't go away.

in beddibye land. and patrols. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. like he's an idiot. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. And I've survived off this stuff for months. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. KITCHEN . The kids sit down at their designated's time for you take a nappypoo.Shane walks room to room. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. INT. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. 31. . Lulu looks at him. pulling down the shades on every window. I can get lots more of those. Todd. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them.BREAKFAST . little girl. all the kids asleep. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. proud of his accomplishment. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. and shuts off her light. Shane smiles. Shane breathes a sigh of relief.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school." dubious. The Kids stare at "breakfast. All the lights are out. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar.

SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. I can cross my not here to take care of you now. too. you stay in... trying to hear over the screaming.. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. then at Tyler -. So -.. ZOE He's only two. Shane turns to Lulu. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.. . Wanna see? Negative. you go out... I don't have any idea what you're talking's how it's gonna be. If I say in. if I say out. Your mama -. Shane answers. dancing. crying.. Peter stands in his chair. one for all. LULU . PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey.. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. Peter starts bawling.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. And the phone rings. He runs away. (then:) Yes... all for one. ladies. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about.. Shane sighs. We're gonna pull together.

. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. He hangs up.a death defying. Thank you. It hits ZERO. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . sir.. into a TINY parking spot -. you and Todd are expelled.p.. He said if you're late again. GARAGE . STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. With your . GARAGE . ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.. innocently. backwards at sixty m. dramatically unveiling Shane. LULU We're gonna be late. perfect parallel park. Shane fumbles with it for a while. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. legal guardian." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT.. EXT. Across his chest.. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .h. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. The Minivan skids completely sideways.. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. I know it's Monday. SHANE Not on my watch. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. It just doesn't add up. A big suburban school. and at that . INT.. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. yes. INT. Zoe smiles at him. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. EXT.M.9:29 A. He wants to see you in his office. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. Oh.

The Kids are seated around him. I coach wrestling. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. Well. Plummer finally listened. He glares at Shane... MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. She's attractive. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. boy. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. You're in my house now. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. holding Peter on a harness. a few days. Duane. Murney is unimpressed. Top to bottom. mortified.P in charge of discipline. He withers. The Kids crack up.moment. Lieutenant. son? SHANE Wolfe. whatever work you can get. conduct and truancy. . assured. Out of twenty-three. as he plays on the floor. K thru 12. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). He's HUGE and mean. They're the worst students in my school. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Looks like Mrs. they needed a parole officer. too. V. Shane. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. tough. I'm Murphy. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. Murney is furious.

BELL rings. 34. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it.. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. that as vice principal. impressed. You see. The teens hustle off to their classes.two little red DOTS move away. Lieutenant. huh? You with "The Teams?" The .. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard...Good morning kids. Principal Claire eyeballs him. staring him up and down. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. He exits. Get moving. SHANE Red 1. Plummer called my captain. I am in charge of. Good. What are you doing in my office. Mrs. fuming. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs.and suddenly reacts. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Claire sees this -. She told me all about you. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I think I can handle this from here. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Red 2.. Plummer. (then. as he casually holds the three kids. The opens the door for Murney. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay.

dead serious. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".. Courage. SHANE . (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. So. Service paid for my college. That's the way I live my life. SHANE Can't be too careful. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.. She lifts her pants leg.. Welcome aboard. The 35.(Shane nods.. and the way I run my school.. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. On the spot. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Shane stares not sure whether to believe... Claire looks nervously around.. to balance Shane. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .MID-MORNING seeShane. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. Just try not to frighten the children. SHANE "Honor. JUMP CUT TO: EXT.

.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. Shane closes the computer. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. SHANE Give up now.V. 36 . like a tether ball.O. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Lulu sees Shane and waves..V. in Shane puts down his binoculars.Clean as a whistle. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Beside Shane. with stern intensity. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class.. Official Business. Now -. sitting in the back row of a class. Zoe. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.. turns her back to him embarrassed. He turns to the person front of him. with a group of HIP FRIENDS.last time: Open the hanger. in line to get lunch. yanks his hood over his head. CAFETERIA . in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Todd. Save us both a world of pain. one. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. does the same.O. He checks his tracking device. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. delighted. two. . INT. picks up a pair of binoculars. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. Black Hawk coming in. BINOCULARS P.

and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. I guess. Sure. Principal Claire smiles. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.I out rank you. You're on dry land. I'm impressed.. .. Seriously. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. SHANE Hey -.. Mr. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids.) Shane. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Can I call you Shane? . (she looks at his chair) Well. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. ignoring him.. He yanks Tyler away from him. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -..Tyler gurgles. huh? Shane gives her a look. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.. with milk. you know. you don't.but you're pretty good at this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. 37. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. Claire smiles. lieutenant. not so dry where you're sitting. A whole day. When you agreed to serve your country. Shane sighs. Oh. (she toasts. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. man. Tyler laughs.

as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students.. I don't care who starts it. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Personally . Then vice principal Murney steps forward. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. but not stopping it. VP Murney is watching. and the sound of Students in an uproar. MURNEY He did. cheering. Look at him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. LUNCH-LINE . cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. INT... MURNEY The kid's mixed up. As soon as they see the Principal. Zoe. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink.That's. Murney smirks. the crowd freezes. impressed.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. MURNEY You heard the lady. in the crowd. and "punches fists" with him. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. unusual. (Todd) 38. next week's tournament is off. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling.

I'm a black belt myself. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Don't even think it. yeah. sir. Todd lunges at him. SHANE . stopping an inch from Shane's head. Boys'll be boys. what do you say? Come on. SHANE . MURNEY Pretty slick. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . the crowd breaks up. That's right. promise I'll go easy on you. I'm on duty. 39 . (low. He'd kill you so fast. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. Nice control. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Murney approaches Shane. Murney. . Maybe some other time then. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Frogman -. MURNEY Oh. Maybe you could stop by practice..Todd lands on his feet. The Bell rings.I think that's a little harsh. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Todd shakes him off and heads to class.. man. flinch.. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. sticking the landing... Sorry. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here.. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir.CONTINUOUS . 40. Panicked. holding Tyler out like a grenade. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. SCHOOL HALLWAY . Emergency! SHANE INT. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Roger that. Just then. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . Shane recoils in disgust. Not my job.Tyler's diaper is full. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. minus taxes. SHANE Oh -. It leads him to a door. Bathroom's down the hall. another dollar twenty. The Principal strolls up. and not cry. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Tyler is crying. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to.change him.... he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Lt. following his tracking device...CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Uh.2:55 Shane looks exhausted.INT. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. But. for one who'll eat. doing a shoulder roll. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. INT. as he keeps watch. Then Shane smells what she means -. Have fun.. He bursts though it.

Lulu is in front of the class. Shane lands in fight stance -. are heading away from the school fast. EXT. At that moment.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. HALLWAY . through the fence. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Shane is furious.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. but the FINAL BELL rings. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . The DOTS on the tracker are headed North.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . EXT. racing down the road ahead of Shane. with the Panic Button in her hand. 41. He speeds away after them. SHANE EXT. He hands her to the Principal. EXT. Thanks. He blasts through a red light. CONSTRUCTION SITE .CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. I INT.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. Shane makes a right. almost tipping the minivan.the Class applauds.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. They make a sharp right. BUSY INTERSECTION . He leaps out of the minivan. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead.

CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. Shane pries off the manhole cover. they hear the front door open. and charges through. INT.SHANE He's alone. It's horrific. He takes a deep breath and dives under.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. No sweat. ANGLE . then checks the tracker -.then RUN. He catches his breath. . IN THE MANHOLE . The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. From outside. then checks his tracker.then gasps -. INT. Shane easily takes them out.the DOTS are CLOSE. Shane trudges through the river of muck. He winces. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. SQUISHY footsteps. PLUMMER HOUSE . He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE.section. all brandishing tools. you're about to get a beat down. Shane lowers himself down. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.It's dark and dank.LIVING ROOM . Three Workers rush him. and the sound of OMINOUS. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. SEWER . feet away. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.

but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. looking like a Swamp Creature.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. thank you. use our nonemergency number. Zoe fixes her hair. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. 16 year old female. KITCHEN . BATHROOM . . The Cop turns to Shane...LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. 43 INT. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'.p. INT. Call. . Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. If you need anymore help. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.b. he doesn't say anything. Zoe checks him out as he goes. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. Everyone gasps. BACK YARD . The Cop looks at them. with a smirk. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. She practically GAGS as she passes him. Covering her nose. INT. Ditto.LATER Shane is in the shower.. weird hair.. The Cop leaves. The smell is BAD. revealing Shane.Then the door swings open. Todd stiffens.. then covers their noses.

LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. in just a towel. They already think I'm a loser. He sees on the fridge.a dozen little girls in uniforms. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. If we don't sell enough cookies. INT. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. close to tears. Monday.Shane enters.S. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. 4. 4 .CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. SHANE (O. we can't go the Jamboree. Shane. And it's not like I have any other friends. Lulu starts to sniffle. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -.all junk food. LULU I can't.. They won't be home `til ten. LULU We have to.) Get rid of them. pulling Lulu after him. FAMILY ROOM . You gotta help me out. (whispers:) Come on.. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . cringing in disgust. they're staring at him. He looks at it. The Brownies applaud. and whistle. Mom's our den mother. it's Monday.

INT.. BROWNIE Den Mother? . Now -..we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. Indian Style.. SHANE Good.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. KITCHEN .MOMENTS LATER Shane. Tonight.wait here. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. Zoe's on the phone. LIVING ROOM .Lulu's about to burst into tears. . ZOE'S BEDROOM .. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. the other to his back. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. back in "uniform. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. then drills it into place. ZOE . getting ready to go. unpacking boxes of cookies.. SHANE Alright.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. Here's how it's gonna be. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. I'm gonna be your den -commander. he's a total psycho. ladies. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. He's not just locking them -. yeah. I'm scared of you. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. INT. at attention. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. do as I say.. INT." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. They are assembled. Shane sighs. Shane blows passed her.

. he's got us on lock-down. DRIVEWAY . but if anything happens."what are you. He sees: a huge. No.5. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. INT. GROCERY STORE .nothing even looks like food. 4 EXT. He smiles.. GROCERY STORE .CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. EXT.. but they're . as he pushes a cart into the store. GROCERY STORE ..AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. Zoe picks up the phone.. (she listens:) Hm. EXT. NOTHING looks familiar -. He looks around at the bright. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.. Scott. Tyler looks at him -..MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. I dunno if that's a good idea.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. nuts?" EXT.. the camera CRANES up to.. it's like Oz or something. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. GROCERY STORE . LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know..PARKING LOT . Snack packs.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. I can see you through the window. ZOE . SHANE I gotta get supplies. hits speed-dial.

One The Brownies take off running. before I get my face punching badge on you. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. In their place are the Chubby Scouts.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. and lets her go. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. chubby CUB SCOUTS.she tugs and tugs. The Cub Scouts high-five. EXT. He laughs. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever.. clutching their boxes. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. you Skeever? . . they're back. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. but can't get away. GROCERY STORE .. menacingly. One of the Brownies spots something.. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. He rips it open. They're headed straight towards the cookie table...noticing very shy. Finally. I haven't seen anybody. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them..

You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . PARKING LOT . we're going home. you're supposed to take us to dinner. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. The Brownies scream. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. If I don't come back -avenge my death. He bends down. EXT. 47.22's. He wears . CHEESE . The Brownies are huddled behind it. He heads toward the Scouts.2ND SCOUT Nope. Around his neck. and points at Lulu's Panic button. Get in the car. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. CHUCK E.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. He firmly tells Lulu. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. trembling. Shane's monitor starts beeping. Cheese MANAGER.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan.A LITTLE LATER . Where? SHANE INT.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Not cookies. I'm here to protect you. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies.

.. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. A LITTLE LATER: 48. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. Shane's watching Peter. The Manager approaches Shane. This much The Manager laughs... Cheese automaton band JAMS.. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E.CHAOS. skee Brownies are running around. playing video games and ball.braces and head-gear. this much cyanide. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. Lulu approaches. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. . On stage.. which causes him to lisp. Cheese! Wider reveals. the Chuck E.

Then he a joy stick.she pins him to the ground. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. spins her. He steps up to the machine. LULU The Hulk can. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Shane even get one punch in -.. Lulu picks a small female character. They begin. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. then kicks him in the face. My joystick's broken. Round three starts. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. and then a kick in the face.LULU I pressed two player. kneels on his head.. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. He checks over his shoulder -. The second round starts. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Shane is taking it really seriously. then cracks her in half over his knee. Unless you're scared. SHANE That's not fair. He cracks his knuckles. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. . Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. stretches. He's really mad. I thought you liked combat. Lulu screams out with her fighter.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air.

It's really annoying. oops too slow.. ZOE Mom -. He is KO'd. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. Shane's really fuming.. slamming buttons.... swing and a miss. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. 50. Sparks fly. Lulu's having fun now... INTERCUT WITH: INT.LIVING ROOM . the Zhouse is quiet..take a shot. it's my job to worry. jumping. LULU Too slow.. while he pounds the buttons. PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. Shane's working the joy stick hard. She keeps dancing... ZOE . dancing. INT. its joystick dangling by its wires. He and the Brownies sneak away. LULU You're not even trying.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. come on -... swinging and missing. HOTEL ROOM . but he can't hit her.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.stop worrying. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. leaving the sizzling machine..

Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps.LIVING ROOM . The guy's just a control freak.The Plummer House: . we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. everything's cool. counting them. MALL PARKING LOT .CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). Zoe rolls her eyes.. VARIOUS SHOTS . loads Brownies into the minivan. 51. And the folks who read my BLOG. INT..CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. PLUMMER HOUSE . She turns to Scott.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. ZOE Dude. EXT. this is outta hand.Seriously. I hate leaving you. I love you. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. kids everywhere. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. JULIE It's only a few more days. but you know I have to do this. .in my cell. we're okay. ZOE I know. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. who doesn't seem concerned at all.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. Don't worry. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. ZOE Dude. up. not cool.

He disappears under the balls -. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. is fine.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. and goes down for the diaper. He's still down there.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. the Brownies follow. Whoa. He's holding the diaper. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look.Move. MANAGER Relax. INT. SUBURBAN ROAD . Shane grimaces. freestyling in the ball pool -. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.. CHUCK E.not okay. SHANE Inexcusable. move! Go go! EXT. to leave a man behind like that. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. out away from him.. again..for a long time.. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.. SHANE . gasping..they almost always do. Not okay. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. He charges across the room with the diaper. Silence. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. We see what he forgot: PETER. Suddenly. S 52.LATER . move. He holds his breath. CHEESE . The Manager is watching him.

gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.. vents. jocks throwing footballs. Party's over.'s turntables. a total wreck. INT.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. chugging drinks.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. Now. PLUMMER HOUSE . CLUB lock off the door.. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. trying to understand.. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT. Outraged. scared. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. Reeling.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. peeing in the bushes. we're gonna do this .. windows. Shane takes Lulu. then RUN.KITCHEN . Scott. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. making out. 53.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. at a full run.and groans in disbelief. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. Shane snatches it mid-air -.then CRUSHES the ball. Peter and Tyler up the path.. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. He gets out -.. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D..J. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. as he pulls up in the Minivan.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't.

. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. PLOP. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these way -. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. He fumes. Clean. through binoculars. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . as kids clean. straightening -.then he notices something. trying to maintain his dignity. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Shane goes over them. In a bathroom.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. residue. Oh my god.CONTINUOUS . mopping. It reads: highway option. and walk out of sight.. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. He holds it up to a KID.. he takes it off. furiously clean. INT.. in Playtex gloves.. He hands Scott the mop. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. They see Shane find the CD. Miserable TEENS scrub. ladies. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. He lifts the sofa.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. Shane's eyes narrow. INT. Scott and Zoe. PLUMMER HOUSE ..SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. labeled with a Sharpie. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. CUT EXT. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. Scott gulps . sticking to the TOP of Shane's head.

.. downstairs! He walks down the hall. You're like a robot. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Those people aren't your friends. (Announces:) Company. After a beat. outside the bathroom door. Shane stands. she pukes again. They show no respect for you or your house. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. My friends will never come here again. Todd picks her up. ZOE . Scott's the last one to leave. you hate us. ueasy.. Because you have no respect for yourself. CUT TO: EXT. Lulu's crying.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Rambo.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. furniture polished. INT.. He heads upstairs. and screams in Shane's face.into the bathroom. Zoe blows past him -. where she throws up. Zpounding on doors. Thanks a lot. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. helpless. Shane hands her a handkerchief. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane . SHANE You got barf on your tank top.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Zoe gets up. ZOE I do too respect myself. sits down. shaky and furious. Lulu and Todd step into the hall.

. I'm gone.hand it over! staffs. SHANE You're right. He goes down. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs.the power goes out. TWO NINJAS. talking doesn't do any good.they're good.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Suddenly -. pounding him with their .. They leap down after him.. Wielding with great skill. tired) It's Scott. NINJA GHOST -. Shane spins in fight-stance. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. Suddenly. Don't worry. as soon as your mom comes back. all in black BURST in through the window.. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. close-quarters and fast. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. The Ninjas attack. SHANE Puberty. fiercely -.the three fight. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. Not even from the enemy. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. I'm not the man for this job.55.. Red 1. Go to your rooms.

It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. toys fly.then the Ninjas charge. SHANE Okay a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. and grabs it. he hits a Ninja in the head. fiercely..who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. .knocking him into.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.. WHACK. Shane crashes down. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. it makes a silly thunk.. several FURBIES hit the floor. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. blinding him. Shane runs to the changing table. Shane fends the Ninjas off. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He pulls the string. facing them. With his foot. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. and uses them both to fend off blows. PLAYROOM . He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -..until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. a squeezes .until a Ninja knocks the shelf over.. They step back. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. The Ninjas move towards him -.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. and flings them all over the floor. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. avoiding Legos. 56 INT. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo.

Shane approaches Zoe's door.. TODD Who were they? What did they want. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.? SHANE They're looking for a program. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. disappointed to have lost them.. that your father invented. He hugs them. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. SHANE I'm not going anywhere...SHANE 57. SHANE It's safe. He squints.. Todd and Zoe enter.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. He A long pause -.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. bawling. You can open up. SHANE Shhh. . ANGLE . The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. He runs to the broken window. quietly knocks. blinded. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone.. He sprays it in Shane's face. and Shane sees he's now alone. Shane isn't sure what to do. Shane bangs the window sill. INT. He really hugs them.. It's okay. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. Kids... The cloud dissipates. terrified.then the door creaks open. he hugs Peter and Lulu. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. Then.. HALLWAY . fearful.

then they hug him. From now on.. He looks Zoe. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. I'll listen to you too. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help.. 58." And then. relieved.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. and do what I say.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. eye to eye. too. Soon.a long pause. startled. all smiles. INT. Shane offers his hand to shake. And I'm not going anywhere. The kids shudder.. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. as long as I'm here. it's been a long night. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us.they all jump. LIVING ROOM . "Unchained Melody. absolutely nothing pottery . Deal? Truce -. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. Then. the other kids join in. But nothing's gonna happen to you. SHANE They're not after you. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine.. you listen to me. CLOSE-UP . They hug him tighter. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. They want this.. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. Then. Shane is furious -. Zoe answers it. They shake -.. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.

JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days.MORNING Early morning. two men tried to get into the house tonight. SCHOOL . EXT. SHANE (very genuine) . I'm gonna be sticking even closer. HOTEL ROOM . But we're not sure what it is. yes and no. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. We just don't know what its for. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. We found something in the box.. Shane takes the phone.So soon? We were just starting to have fun.. The minivan pulls up. It looks like some kind of "key".happened you should worry about. She holds up the strange. everyone's fine. You have any luck? JULIE Well..CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE's okay. They're gone.. students run in to school. . but they didn't find it. metal two pronged KEY. They were looking for GHOST. Plummer. and Shane emerges with the five kids. SHANE Mrs.. INTERCUT: INT. Nope. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. Don't worry -.we'll be just fine. SHANE No ..

she wrecked a driver's Ed.she'll pay for the damage. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. They look concerned.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. sunglasses on.INT.. then BRAKES. SHANE Don't worry. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . car -. mortified. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. Zoe sits in a folding chair. Principal Claire next to him. reacting each time she HITS the gas. LULU'S CLASSROOM ..LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers).DAY Driver's Ed. LULU'S CLASSROOM . squashed at a little desk. Lulu's classmates all chant. An obstacle course with cones. EXT. I know it's good. who sits in the back." Then.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. shaking his head. Murney stands. SCREAMING. MURNEY . THE GYM . ANGLE on Lulu. "yeah. making a mess of an egg. a crazed TEACHER next to her. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. Shane stands off to the side. He is gesticulating. . Peter 60 She smiles. then BRAKES. He dips an INT. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. HITS the gas.. and smiles at Shane.. egg in some purple dye. So. ANGLE on Shane. Shane nods.

but this is just sick. Murney calls into the's the boy. what's going on. He does always miss sixth period.That? Lady drivers.. Shane gives Zoe a look. (pulls Shane aside. boys will be boys -. But this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return.I'm a bit concerned. and I'm not sure what to do. 61. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought.yes. Todd and Zoe stand to go. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal.. And that's not all.) See if you can talk to the boy. and Shane walks them out... MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. giving him a "skinhead" look... No. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. it's not that -. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods... SHANE He's not a NAZI. I was doing a little recon in his locker. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. . Shane scowls. Shane stops. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.. what do you expect. Todd enters. Zoe shrugs. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. but -. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.

that whole family's no good. Kung team: Shane walks away. kicking him in the BACK. and Murney chases after him. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. SHANE I'll talk to him. huh? (Shane ignores him. we'll give these boys a treat. 62. Shane walks the kids out. MURNEY You're a good man. if you ask me.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Without warning.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. SHANE Another time. as he passes. and keeps walking. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . maybe. and leaves. and leaps at Shane. I promise I won't hurt you.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. MURNEY It's a date then. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -.. stretching. I'll show you a couple moves. Murney laughs. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Shane trips forwards to his knees.. Shane. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back.

He enters. Shane parks. you're in charge. EXT.. do your homework. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. It looks like Shane might fight. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. SHANE Wait Todd. Nothing. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. Todd runs towards the house. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in.far down the block. but he . It's small for him.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. He sees Zoe. peering out her window. SHANE Smart kid. TODD'S ROOM . but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Murney his head. keeping the contact. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. On the corner.shakes Shane turns back. preheat the oven. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. He starts to shut the window. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. The window is wide open. Shane screws the window shut. so the alarm didn't go off. INT. but instead he takes a deep breath. and snickers to his Team.. Keep all doors sealed. signal me. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. Shane looks out the window -. PLUMMER HOUSE . and leaves. I want to talk to you. Shane hops out the window. he can see Todd. running around the corner. It's pink. with a flowered basket.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

it's over...CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. they're not sure what to do. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.What if..... TODD . girls'll think I'm.. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling.. Shane looks at the Cast.. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. weird or something? 66 . Liesl chimes in.. Todd looks devastated -.. or not? Everyone nods.. Shane shakes his head. Shane straightens up.. BEAT. show's off. He smiles. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape.. Shane's glare. Chicks dig guys who can dance. SHANE COMPANY -. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. they quickly assemble on stage. LIESL We don't have a director. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. Todd looks up at Shane. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever.

SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY ...LATER .. He hears Zoe in her room.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. INT. SHANE Okay.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. Scott. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. YES WHAT? SHANE . SHANE .Yes. I don't know why I let it get to me. Shane exits.. furious.. I won't touch him. angrily. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. He peeks in -. I know it's no big deal.. No wait! ..just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. I promise. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. He turns out the light. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE .. I called him in his room. It's stupid. BREAKING something. LULU'S ROOM . ZOE . another girl picked up the phone...

As Shane finishes the story. ULU Tell me a story. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. He sits on the bed. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.. on Lulu's floor. So -they waited for cloud cover.... Went into the magic forest. Uranium. facility. the little Elf family -.Shane tucks Lulu into bed.Uh. Shane looks at her surprised. he illustrates.. I 6 .... Let's see. To find a secret gnome.. Stumped. Once there was a family of Elves. setting up the scene with three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. The elves had to go in and take it out.. and they came in from the north. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. (MORE) T S L 8. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.

. He made it up for him. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story.. the teeniest little elf of all -..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. and do the Panda Dance. Shane doesn't know what's wrong..mean standing. head in the door. Peter starts bawling. TODD You have to do the dance. .. from across the hall...Rodriquez. And not one Elf got left behind that day. NURSERY .. lower than the floor. Lulu's fallen asleep.. I can't remember that thing. c'mon. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .. And you ain't got a chance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Peter WAILS. INT. and whispers to Peter. or he won't stop. TODD I'll write it down for you... Todd calls from the doorway. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance.. Even. SHANE Oh.. S 69. Shane sighs. We got `em all.. The wails get louder and LOUDER. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. Then.. Like dad used to do.

) EXT. Peter applauds. SHANE Today you drive. He does the dance as he sings. through the mirror. Humiliated. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Shane turns and catches Mr. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. and gets in the driver's seat. PLUMMER HOUSE .. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. She gets out in shock. Shane. Chun. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. just like the crabs do. (Tyler in the snuggle). Shane crab-walks sideways. Chun gets his paper.THE NEXT DAY As Mr.. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. He sings again.Shane sighs. staring. Shane hops forward three times. mortified.. GARAGE . Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. T the A 70.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. (He does.. with her Gameboy. Lulu is next to him. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. They turn to Zoe. The Kids sit bolt upright.MORNING . terrified. .

SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span.. S P ..CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive.ZOE But -. Exactly.. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. The Kids share a dubious look. Lulu and Todd are terrified. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. but trying not to show it. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. Keep going. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. no. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. Shane is shaky. She pulls out. Touched. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. Shane is nervous. Zoe is surprised.. I trust you.. Zoe backs jerkily out. INT.I can't even pass driver's Ed. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. jerkily.. not the road. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. MINIVAN .

CAFETERIA . STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. INT. almost tapping a bus's rear fender..LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Suddenly -. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. terrified. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. SHANE Good.. Very funny. severe stare) Now. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. ZOE Ha ha ha. Shane's . EXT.Claire BARKS out. Scott's terrified. Shane jumps out of the car.. She's wearing a cute dress. Zoe smiles. 1500 hours. Before Scott knows what's happened. with a few FRIENDS. Chastened.. laughing. Claire strides into view. hey head into the school. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Shane lets him down and heads into school. Shane unclenches his teeth. being obnoxious. trembling. the kids gulp and orderly march away. KIDS boisterously run past. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Next lesson. and a little make-up. Shane spots something.71.

She smiles. Principal Claire sighs "not again. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . Suddenly.. SHANE hey eat in silence. you never know who you're going to run into. She's waiting for him to say. Shane`s not so good at small talk. Shane leaps over the table. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink... dragging . He smiles back. impressed. It's a miracle.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. and offers him a milk. something. him by the ear. S he sits beside him." In one move. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. Wow. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately.eyes alight. Love it when he does that. sailor? Thanks. too. S T P . Noon and none of them have been called to my office...

Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. I'm right here. No one's sure they heard him right. intimidated. Freak? The Students snicker. What're you so scared of.. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. I want to sing. boy. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. . Talk. It opens Friday. Then: TODD I am not scared. Murney. MURNEY I've had it. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Murney turns around. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. MURNEY Winners never quit. I quit. now it all makes sense. M 73.. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.... TODD Hey. Yeah I do. Silence. Todd looks. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students.Murney shoves Todd forward. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment.. Murney gets up in Shane's face. I.

MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. it's scary S 74. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. M urney looks over at the reads: . You win. Your ass is mine. The Gym. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. There is a stunned moment -. You suck. They look to the ground're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. Murney did not expect to be called out. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. furious -URNEY So -. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. Murney looks around. Everyone is taking flyers.Shane steps them. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. protecting him. He storms out. Let's do it. humiliated.and then a mob of Students. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. TODD There is a man in my house -. The whole team wants to quit. swarm Todd. His voice cracks -. So calm. Todd's telling the truth. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach.face to face.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.

" INT. mumbling something. S 75. Todd cheers Shane on. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. quietly twitching on the ground. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. and they head out. WHAM.BAM. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. and sweeps Murney -. 3:00. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Murney bounds to his feet.sending him right into the wall. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Murney lands on his back. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . GYM .3:00 mat. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Todd flops to the mat. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. hard. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. shocked. Murney. Shane side-steps. The bleachers are PACKED. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. M URNEY on. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. rushes Shane. grabs onto Murney's waist.

. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . too. FOREST . Claire.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. If you're not sure. I got my troops waiting. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. 76 SHANE either. When I Rwanda. Todd. BUGS. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. fascinated. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. The crowd cheers.Dislocated nerve. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. LULU We're Brownies. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. TO: EXT. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. No brownies edible. They walk out. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. She gives him a thumbs up. that's all. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. TODD That was awesome. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life.

by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. here at the top of the stairs. he reaches out and rocks it. EXT. The Duck watches all this -.she hits EVERY ONE -..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. He illustrates the stage directions.fascinated. EXT. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. in perfect tempo. Zoe .we'll put Von Trapps here.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. she burns rubber. KICK. and. The Kids don't get it. NURSERY . He laughs at his own joke.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty.. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. KICK. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock." INT.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. the Girls PUNCH. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.. MALL PARKING LOT .FRONT LAWN .. here. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. OLD FACTORY .. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. He signals her. in between punches. Shane holds a stopwatch. PUNCH. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. INT. PUNCH. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. PLUMMER HOUSE . MALL PARKING LOT . In unison. and races through a slalom of orange cones -..DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises.

but doesn't fall.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. NURSERY . your life little girl. EXT. INT. Hands a T .. T I E 77. EXT. mercilessly. They watch closely.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED..FRONT LAWN . EXT.BACK YARD ." Lulu. He counts begins wriggling free. OLD FACTORY . The Brownies attack. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.. MALL PARKING LOT .. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane gives her a signal.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.2. it teeters.. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. blur.. she only clips one. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. PLUMMER HOUSE .. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.DAY -"1. INT.3. in we WIDEN back.out and weaves the cones. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. ODD .

But sweet dreams. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. NURSERY . Peter Panda. He kisses Peter on the forehead. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Peter. odd tries the spinning kick. Again.EVENING . Graceful. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . THUD! Gazelle. now and then. daddy. Then he tucks Peter in. Graceful. 8. but blows it. SHANE I'm not your daddy. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. He does a spin kick. Peter. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. adding a James Brown flourish. he almost bursts into tears.huh? Now. INT." Singing and doing all the moves -. Shane is so touched. U Shane BLOWS the whistle.hard. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -.he's got it down. Todd tries the kick.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.

he sees. proud. see them. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. S SHANE That's my troop. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. You're gonna have to pay for that. he lands on the ground hard. but like lightning.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. In one move.. 9.MOMMY! She lets him go -. the Other Scouts are scared. wearing the double snuggle. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. a FLIP. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. at their own table. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. she wraps it around his arm. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. striking a cool pose. the Chubby Cub Scouts. The Scout struggles. FORMATION. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -.they LAUGH. Across the lot. "PRICE CLUB" STORE .CONTINUOUS Shane shops. He smiles. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. The Scouts share a look -. tying him. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. The .. INT. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. As he's comparing prices -.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

SHANE He's left alone. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. J 82. Shane answers it. INT.soldier.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . She throws her arms around Shane. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. the kids are all abuzz. HOTEL . EXT. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. ANGLE .MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. A tear runs down Zoe's face. talking excitedly. WITH: J INT.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. The phone rings. OE I never even got to say good bye. we're on the first plane in the morning. BACK YARD . HALLWAY . happy.

your wings aren't clipped. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box.. he Duck stares. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. INT. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON.. hane rises. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Gary sits in the next chair. Shane sighs morosely. Shane turns. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. He pets the Duck. Kids to play S . SHANE Just another assignment. GARAGE .The house is dark. unblinking.NIGHT hane turns the light on. Shane sits in a lawn chair. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. with. Three squares a day. No reason for personal attachments. the Duck starts quacking. Suddenly.

unsuccessfully. He tries muscles rippling. shines it down the grate. we see a CRANK WHEEL.SHANE What happened. Nothing.. The wheel spins. TO: to S 84. INT. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.. He's been trying. Shane dials a phone.. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. INTERC UT: B harder.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. and then it gives. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off.. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. Shane looks on stunned. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . only It's solid and inscrutable. he floor opens. leading below the garage.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. The Kids are watching his progress. Lulu hands him a tool... Shane steps down it. No hinges or cracks. GARAGE . DISSOLVE INT.. crack the lock all night. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. The break in its surface is a strange.. . TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR.

I've been trying all night. Silently spying on Shane. Bill's cell phone rings. It's in a steel vault. Away from Shane.Lulu.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. BILL .don't do anything `til I get there. Through a window.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. pleased.. and hangs up. Okay. I think I found GHOST. Bill reacts. We'll be there shortly -. After we turn this in to my CO. he answers it. She looks stricken. Everyone reacts happily. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. An ominous pause.. Do you have it? SHANE No.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. W e PUSH INTO the house. towards the neighbor's house. Except for -. GHOST. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work.. TO: INT... GARAGE . GARAGE . excited. MRS. Julie sits beside him. SEDAN . don't do anything further. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Then we slowly MOVE UP.EXT. relieved. sir.. TO: INT. can't crack it. CHUN CUT BACK . SHANE Sir! Excellent news.

Bill is carrying her suitcases. comes into the dark hall.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong.. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.O. J JULIE'S P. INT. HOUSE .MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. so they probably trashed the place. in shock.SHANE He goes silent. Lulu? You should be happy. Julie and Bill hop out.they hear. The rug is vacuumed.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. LULU But. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). Tongue-tied. I 85. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.. Shane -. he has no answer. in the next room.V.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . Your mom CUT TO: EXT. should be home soon. SHANE You guys better get ready. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. JULIE'S HOUSE . She trails off.. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left..: The house is spotless. KIDS VOICES . Kids singing a beautiful. The fish tank is clear.

S SHANE Captain. a capella) . Julie goes to the. Across the room.. The Kids rush forward and hug her. She staggers to. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Peter is fresh faced..(singing. for a thousand years. INT. with songs they have sung. ZOE Welcome home. Bill steadies her. DINING ROOM .. then salutes back) Good job. She sees.. Dumb-struck.. Lieutenant. no dishes in the sink. featuring Todd. Zoe is in a conservative dress. mom. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. 8 JULIE almost faints. picture- .CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Julie starts bawling. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable.. ( B 6. BILL (he smiles wryly. smiling.. KITCHEN . Shane sees Bill enter. INT. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. Lulu has bows in her hair..

. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. GARAGE . a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . surprised. an ANGRY VOICE. Suddenly. Shane... ILL I'm really proud of you. all I've never known is the military. BILL I should hope not. Bill holds the pronged key. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. SHANE That's kind of you. And I think I want to explore that some more. pause) But I'll have to think about it. reluctant. anywhere you want. Shane continues. Bill stops.. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.INT. You just name it. Sir. Don't get me wrong. S S 87.

SHANE'S POV woozy. hane takes control! He smiles.. Shane puts his hands behind his head. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.Shane and Bill spin. He turns.when suddenly. and starts to fall. Mrs. MRS. GUNS DRAWN. and Mrs. then passes out. startled. Chun... . B 88. Things are spinning. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. Chun comes closer. he looks up as he drops. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. He is losing consciousness. reaching for Bill's key. There were delays... SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. confused. Disoriented. Mr.. Shane peers in confusion. CLOSE-UP ..... Shane shoots Bill a glance... CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. He takes a submissive position.SHANE Lights out. while SLAMMING their heads together. relishing a second of glory -. startled.

9. closing the window shades. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. GARAGE . with two . exit. You -.. Peter has a JUICE BOX. INT. (to Mr. They whimper. ILL North Korea pays better. Julie glares. NURSERY . L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. They THE VAULT! Spare. He GAGS the kids. Bill inserts the two-pronged key.. Chun approach the steel door. livid.. The door HUMS. They anxiously tiptoe..MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Chun) secures the room.. Charles trusted you. Bill and Mrs. The Korean Man (Mr. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. 8 Bill grins. Chun) Keep an eye on them. bright and white. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. INT. tied up. JULIE I trusted you. scared. The floor is covered with square tiles.with me. So did the Department of Defense.BLACK. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. reaching. FADE IN: INT. and it CLICKS. then slides OPEN! enter. The Kids are furious. Bill checks the knots binding the children. Bill and Mrs. Inside is a dark corridor. Beside the safe is a red switch..DAY Shane lies unconscious.

horrified -. Mrs. Chun is Bokay. INT. off shoulder eyebrows. startled -. But behind her back. like a monstrous computer.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. MRS. Chun's eyebrows are neatly.needing a distraction. then Mr. the Chun spins. done. low-pitched HUM.. The air is filled with an ominous. as if she hadn't moved. quickly assuming a fake bound position. Lulu frowns. had eyebrows.. eyeballing them icily. Tyler GASPS. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . completely SINGED OFF. HOUSE . then leans back against Zoe.. With a rapid blur of finger-work. Lulu "looks" scared. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. BEEPING.S.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Bill eyes the safe. she unties Zoe! Then -. CHUN Just.the Kids look innocent. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. It's set on ARMED.SAME TIME Mr. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. CHUN But I've got some C4.. Chun guards the kids. Mr. Chun whirls -.. He sneers. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.. She confidently strides toward the safe -. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. Mr. MR.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. MRS. but the of her jacket is on fire. she hits her panic button! O. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me..

The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. when he's at her level. he steps closer. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Lulu runs. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Mr.W Z 90. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. BEHIND TODD .. Chun's face. then. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Chun laughs: MR. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Mr. Skeptical. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr.. he drops to his knees in pain. slamming the door behind her. Chun looks at Lulu.. Chun's leg. but Lulu EVADES with her cool.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun scowls. It HURTS. Mr. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. CHUN That's cute. . snake-like move. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. They untie Julie.. HAM without warning. Chun's head. Mr.

DONNGGG -.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT.CONTINUOUS Mr. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . She SCREAMS.doorknob.. INT.. they're trapped inside. making a small hole.. NURSERY . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. but the door won't budge. Bill lurches into view. clutching her! The . He sticks his face out the hole.. Chun's face. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. NURSERY . I INT. FRONT DOOR . Chun punches the door.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. his face COATED in white. He puts his face up to the hole he's made... He yells out furious! MR. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . INT. INT. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.but as Julie exits. Chun falls back from the door.CONTINUOUS Mr. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. M E M 91.

CHUN Chun falls.. HOUSE . HOUSE . speaking in Korean: RS. MR. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. unsure. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. .. they're not going anywhere.CONTINUOUS r. SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. ARGHH! driveway. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Chun listens to Mr.. She floors it. then nod and run to the side garage. Chun comes racing around the house -. Mrs.I've got the keys. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the are horrified. They start to run back. MINIVAN .CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan..CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. INT. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. Chun THE RADIO.

They step past Shane's body. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. holding a military RADIO. a CRACKLING of static. VAN .. GARAGE . leading her to the secret door. Don't make me kill you too. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. INT. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. Mrs. gaining on them. Chun exits the vault. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. INT. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. It's getting old.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. lying on the concrete. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. B . Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. Then. chilled. Julie GASPS. oe runs a yellow..Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them.Charles didn't tell me about the room.

MRS.. Bill deciding if he can trust him.93. It's like a chariot race.. He does something we can't see. MINIVAN . BUSY STREET . CHUN Mr. Surprised. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. as Zoe drives. ill eyes him..DAY The vehicles race.SHANE They look over -. The men stare down. ANGLE . they might wreck. just please don't hurt anyone.. He tries to pass them on the right. Do it. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.. my husband has question: MR. Bring them back unharmed. emotional. I'll get you in. everyone looks down. Bill uncuffs Shane.he clicks "talk" on the radio. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. It's B risky.. ILL .CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. ZOE .) Bill. EXT. Bill. Then -. half on the sidewalk. Chun zooming by. to cut them off! INT.Shane is standing in the doorway. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. don't hurt the kids. SHANE (O. BILL Change of plan.S.

INT.What's taking you? 94. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Hair spray..MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. and loses control. Peter laughs. Mrs. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360.. crayons. triumphant. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Chun off for a beat. Mr. disoriented. It throws Mr. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Bill waits impatiently.... M R. Mr. .. Shane is figuring his options. Chun SCREAMS. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. Chun holds Julie. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. orange peels. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Chun ROLLS UP his window.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. SECRET VAULT . Mr. Chun with debris: milk cartons. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Exasperated.. In the van. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. She Mr. Zoe looks over. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake.

He speaks aloud. Lulu.A bewildered beat -. Shane gets up. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. in pain. ill cocks his gun. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Shane leaps back. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. Peter..then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch.. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Tyler! Bill reacts. puzzled. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. confidently: J B B 95 . over one beam and ducking under another -. sending him flying backwards. .now. Shane steps forward . Shane steps forward. BILL Code or no code. Bill laughs. Watch. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Shane SQUIRTS it. Todd. landing on his hands and knees.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. go get it -.

Julie relieved. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. When you're down and low. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. He steps sideway. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off.. then back: smiles... Calmness comes to Shane's face. Shane LAUGHS sharply. fearlessly. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.SHANE Shane's thinks. across two tiles. Something she said. just like the crabs do. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. . He takes a deep breath. Shane he steps forwards. not quite centered to the room. CLOSE-UP . He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).they have no idea what he's laughing about. He thinks.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance.NOTHING HAPPENS. Again -. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. Bill and Julie share a look -. And you haven't got a chance. He feels the Groove. E 96 . NOTHING HAPPENS. and do the Peter Panda Dance. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. lower than the floor.

ZOE Come on. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. they're FLYING.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. not the brake. 9 7. If he'd been standing. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. from the ceiling. and our bodyguard -. Don't follow me! . CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. BUSY INTERSECTION . imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at takes a while. Inside is the Cute Cop. The Squad Car's lights flash on. his focus gone. Zoe blows past it.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. 5-0. he'd be toast. and he catches up with the minivan -. When he steps back -. They have my mom.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. EXT. Use the gas.

It's acid. nervously. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. I accept full responsibility.. almost running it off road.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. My intelligence proved to be faulty. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. EXT.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. in a cloud of smoke. She shakes her head. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. Claire frowns.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by.. SUBURBAN STREET . sliding forward. PLUMMER BASEMENT . and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.. Then better jump quick. SCHOOL . VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. INT. Following the chase. Zoe U-turns. The Squad Car is on its tail. the Minivan SPEEDS by. like there ain't no floor. concerned. pool of liquid. and speeds back towards her house. NECK-BRACE. EXT. but if I had more resources. Suddenly. Squad Car turns around and chases her. 98.. is Mr. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. . at a safe distance.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor.

if you're willing to join up. almost done. And you betrayed all of that. and jump to the left. Shane. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Whew. The safe's red light turns green.. He's relieved -.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him.and walks across the room. Shane scowls. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Bill looks around. Nothing happens." . You were always my best man. He nervously steps forward . Bill signals for Mrs. He lands in front of THE SAFE. Mrs. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. BILL I'll take that as a "no. He holds his breath just in time.he waves his hand over the floor. "Just hold your breath. to calm down) Almost done. She gestures back: you go. It's a stand-off.. The whole room goes SILENT. I knew you'd figure it out. What do you say -. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Chun follows. Immediately. sir.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. The Booby Traps are disarmed. and jumps back. disgusted. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. 99." He jumps. All that we stand for.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. pulling Julie along. Chun to go first. Finally. BILL Thank you. Bill takes a breath -. Bill shrugs. to the left of the HOLE. Beat.

That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks... Chun LEAPS onto his back. Nothing happens. SIZZLING.Bill turns to the safe. I walked the floor first. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. Full of himself. then PUNCHES him in the gut. SHANE There will be no mercy. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. I think you better open it. head. BILL (CONT'D) . Something's not right. She turns it... but Shane gazes coldly. BILL None requested. Relief. Shane reaches for the safe. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. Chun doesn't budge. hitting Bill's arms. Bill is incensed. and touches the dial. trying to read Shane's poker face. But suddenly Mrs. You open it. Bill gestures to Mrs. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Chun reaches out. her hair on end. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. MRS.. unrelenting. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Shane shrugs.. Bill is off guard. Reluctantly . legs! He's crazed. Bill LUNGES. then catches himself. Mrs. shaking from the voltage. . Chun.Mrs. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. He starts to reach for the dial. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait.

Suddenly. chase after. SHANE You're a. unable to gain her balance. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. knocking her out. the wind knocked out of him.. Shane struggles to lose her. But he's unforgiving. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. She catapults. He jumps to his feet. Shane shakes his head.they tangle like pro's. She smiles. Shane COLD-COCKS her. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. kick. IN THE VAN.. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. Bill is charging him. he drops and FLIPS her. PLUMMER'S STREET . then runs to grab her outstretched hand. which Shane deflects -. Shane tumbles. then whispers/sings. saved.BILL He steps over Shane. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. Leering mercilessly. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. The Police Cars .. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps.. ANGLE . spin. terrible neighbor. delivering a series of hard punches. It's clear the both have the same training. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. K. good night. Say.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. tottering. Shane narrows his eyes. stumbles backwards across the room.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. SHANE . landing on his back in front of the safe.! EXT.O. connecting only occasionally. everyone is SCREAMING. SIRENS wailing. They punch. OOF! Bill tumbles.

) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. But it's too late.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. Now we can go back to our peaceful. from the car.. SECRET VAULT . INT.O. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.. It's finally over. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. grateful. Shane steps out. The van SKIDS. smoke BURNING from the tires -. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think .101.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.SAME TIME Total commotion. Cops surround them. The garage door raises. then BRAKES.. Then -. then look in the safe: Inside. She smiles at Shane. JULIE Thank you Shane. They look in silence. The Kid spill out and run. with their hands raised. The kids clamber from the van.. Shane gently removes it. GHOST. HOUSE . the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. SHANE . Whoa.and hits a tree.

Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. But then -. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. Nobody is sure what to do. He scoffs. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. and grabs the MR.. 10 2. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. Numerous. Now. Silence. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. Julie and Shane Freeze.. I suggest you call the FBI. Mr.. uh. Shane spins. Zoe.. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. you're in a lot of trouble.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . officer. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. ZOE But. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. triumphant..a CRAZED SCREAM. helpless. CHUN (O.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. as he turns his head. Chun stands inside the gate. Cops cover Shane and Julie..CUTE COP FREEZE. Shane weighs his not so many options.. Even Chun is amazed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. MR. He's disheveled and manic. vaults onto Chun. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. The Cops are unsure what to do. CUTE COP I said FREEZE..S.

PLUMMER HOUSE . Agent. watching the FBI Agents work. SHANE Just doing my job. then walks off.LATER F.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. Julie huddles with the kids.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. This chaos is unsolvable. CLOSE-UP . LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Shane examines it. F..rocket launcher. Wolfe. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. AGENT Mr. he .I.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. ANGLE .. COP I think I'll call the FBI. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. You're a one-man battalion.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. 103. swelling with pride.I. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. GARAGE .I.I. INT.B. that was nice work. Shane talks with an F.B. CLOSE-UP .B.B. AGENTS swarm the area. reaches for his radio. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. F .

P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. and Julie notice.. You're the superior office.. Peter. Mock-angry. Summer's almost here. SHANE Well. Shane looks at her. On.Yes. say -. He looks around: at the family. Todd. here. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.. I don't know. Zoe. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this.. The Plummers hug each other.Maui? . And to tell the truth. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else..CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. I always have.. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. I'm on dry land. A tear comes to her eye. I'm kinda. 104. re-conning the situation. She sees. from the safe.. EXT. Does it itch? Yes. Her siblings. SHANE . Julie. Tyler. Lulu -.. and gather around. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. You tell me. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . He looks at Claire. a letter.I want to say: I love you more than anything.. fallen onto the floor. then Julie found the key. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close.

For everything. Shane bawls -.he can't keep it in. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Lulu turns to Shane. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. come here you. squeezing them off the ground. The Plummers all approach.. Your work here is through. A long beat.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. He wipes his face. Guess you have to go now. interrupting. Julie looks up. sad. P ETER Love you.his medal. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.. He starts to head off. Thank you.he hugs the whole family at once. He puts them down. LULU This is it.. Shane. ZOE But. baffled. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. TIGHT .SHANE This is too much. 105. SHANE Claire beams. I'm gonna . Zoe gives them a look -. Like he did. He squeezes her hand around it. SHANE Ah.Sir yes sir. to shake his. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. She puts out her hand..

the little Brownie Troop. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. She is surrounded by her children. his hair combed. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. until he sits back down. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. VICTORIA THEATRE. beaming with pride.a Michael Jordan dunk. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. It's fantastic -. BACKSTAGE . Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Shane stands." In the audience. They all watch. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. Farewell. Scott: in a suit. Shane watches with bated breath. rapt.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. You Are Sixteen begins. Todd spins.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. even Murney. Claire: dressed to the nines. Julie watches in astonishment. hit your marks. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. A STANDING OVATION. The performers take their curtain . SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg." Hearts swell. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. In SLOW MOTION.

touched. Shane smiles. He humbly steps into view -. FADE OUT.-The.calls.html on December 9 2010 .com/scripts/Pacifier.and the house goes crazy. Thundering applause. Mission accomplished. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.imsdb. THE END http://www. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.

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