THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. INT. over his head. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. to the roof.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics.. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water.. Up to his nose. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances.. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.. Shane removes his mouth piece. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. I'm gonna get you outta here. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. when I say it.. My way -. they're almost out of ammo. When it finally opens. PLUMMER How did you know where I. hauling the Professor up. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. Plummer screams. SHIP'S HOLD . ON THE DECK . He tries force the door open. EXT.SIMULTANEOUS 4. him his oxygen. One of our SEALS calls out to them. terrified. As the water rises. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. But you have to do exactly what I say. He's gone. United States Navy. but can't get highway option. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. He cuts the Professor's GAG. .to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating.

ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER .CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. He . SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. INT. terrified. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. HELICOPTER . Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. Hold on. more!" They do. and pulls himself. clearly he loves this kind of day. 5.. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Shane takes a deep breath. then disappear gracefully back into the water. pulling the Professor in behind him.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. SHIP'S HOLD . SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. holding the Professor. OCEAN'S SURFACE . SHANE INT. INT. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. HELICOPTER . the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.. EXT. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns.

rotors whirling slowly. . CHARLES Lieutenant.. waits. shutting him up. I can't believe you. We have to keep moving. Please. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Lieutenant. She thinks I'm dead. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick.beside him. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. PLUMMER Oh my God. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. EXT. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. thank you. That was the most incredible.. Not imperative to the mission.. CHARLES I'm safe. how'd we. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. I'm just not big on chit chat. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. (then) Don't you have a family? 6.. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. The Professor takes out his mouth piece... Charles stops Shane. the Professor looks terrified. MOUNTAIN CLEARING .

DEAD. you want to see it? Negative..couldn't crack it. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. PAVE HAWK . He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe.. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. and talks. RUN!!! black. Todd. WHAM. INT. SHANE We're almost ready. Shane considers.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. Designed it myself. Tyler. puzzled. I'm alive. that's my specialty... Shane drops. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. I do security. then hands him his satellite phone. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. All goes . I have a picture of my kids in here. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. knocked unconscious.... Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Peter. Charles dials his cell phone. back to him. PILOT sits. Lulu. It's voice activated.. The briefcase pops open.. Charles dials.Charles picks up his briefcase. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. Shane looks at him.. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.

He holds a REPORT in his hand.O. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. Captain. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane.7. A Huey Helicopter lands. sir.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. despondent. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. Shane reaches out. Everything is ablaze.V. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. HOSPITAL . And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. HOSPITAL . BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . as the chopper ignites. Bill sits down beside the bed. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. unassuming. in slow-motion. unconscious. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant.friendly. PAVE HAWK .it hurts to salute. He takes a long look at Shane.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. SHANE'S P. I know sir.: Everything is a blur. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. barely conscious. but he does it anyway.. There is huge explosion. His arm and face bandaged. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. SHANE ..DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. and takes Charles' Briefcase. And a good friend. He looks around. He sees Charles. EXT. You're the best man I ever trained.

is still out there. appreciate your confidence. He pulls up a chair. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.. really.. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. he pulls off bandages. Invigorated. Shane sits up.. and sits opposite Shane. 8.S.SHANE He had to call his family.S. SHANE Sir. He called it G. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. as I stated in my report. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.H.T. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -..H. Then. Thank you. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.. SHANE The case was empty sir. . Bill shakes his head.. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. It's not that kind of mission.O.a genius. BILL Not a surprise. and starts to rise. disconnects an IV. BILL .O. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. He can't believe his good fortune. G. I. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. disappointed. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. I'm gonna need the mini sub. Bill considers this.T..

I'm alive. BILL The professor's wife requested you. and protect them. Widow. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. I love you. I should go.T. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. BILL ..S. I got a call from the professor's wife. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice..if anything happens to me. Shane is shocked. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -.S. Whoever killed the professor must think G. sir. Either way. Shane Wolfe. intrigued.Shane listens... Not even when I was a kid sir.) Honey. hearing the dead man's voice. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there..H. Maybe it is.O.. (MORE) 9.. It's just that. presses play. I need someone to stay at that house. SHANE'S APARTMENT . You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. Shane is surprised. He's a good man. maybe it isn't. She told me someone had broken into her home. I've never been very good with kids. top to bottom.. Searched the place. CUT TO: INT. I'll call you in an hour. anyway. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. The family's scared. sir. CHARLES (O. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that.NIGHT ... call Lt. is in that house.

O. SUBURBAN STREET .) (before she sees Shane:) Look. He looks at for a moment. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. Shane eyes Lulu. ready for anything. The sprinklers go off. night vision goggles. camouflage vest. Shane heads to the door. Hm. 10. Lulu eyes Shane. He rejects it.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens.. EMALE VOICE (o. identical to the one he wears. Shane's P.Shane packs his duffel bag. with toys all over the lawn. . He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. also identical to the one he wears. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. machete. It SQUEAKS. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. Shane frowns. Shane double-checks the address.. then goes back to his it chest of drawers.s. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat.. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. they all go in. EXT. if you're with the Hare Krishnas.. peering up at him. we're not interested. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. He reaches in. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. Shane looks down -. Shane looks like a bad ass. 8.V. and pulls out a small. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching.and sees LULU.then the door swings open.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

through the kitchen window.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. with her suitcase.) There's a catch.Nighttime -.NIGHT Shane.the family eats dinner. Through the window. listening to the conversation. We slowly pull out. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. LIVING ROOM . I think it could contain GHOST. JULIE That's wonderful.s. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. Julie and Shane share a look.s. it's Bill Fawcett. INT. Swiss law says only his family can access it. BILL (o... I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Julie casually answers it. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. I have some potentially good news.MORNING stand hug Julie. This could all be over! BILL (o. 14. INT.) Julie. Shane. Helga will .. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. The phone RINGS inside..s. entersJULIE I'll be there.

I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children.. I'll be back in 48 hours. chill. ...handle everything. Mrs. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. H S . And on the phone. SHANE Don't worry.. No.. it's my job to worry. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. I am a mom. And guys. ZOE Mom -. Helga will take care of everything else. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway.. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. I love you guys. it's just.. are you licensed to kill? .. HELGA Everything will be fine. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. And on the back door.we'll be fine.. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Plummer. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. They'll be safe with me. Julie gets in the car and it drives away.. do it. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. I'm gonna miss you.

You do something. Gary suddenly FLIES by . Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. He shuts off the - . SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. Shane heads down the hall. Shane shakes his head.. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. on a short ladder..s. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.NIGHT hane rushes in -. elga stomps out. SHANE (CONT'D) . HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL..NIGHT Shane. Shane turns off the light. INT. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . INT. can't find him. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM .5.. when in the corner of his eye -.. looks around for the CRYING BABY.WHRRP! Shane ducks. I make bottle.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME... screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Immediately. pouring in Cheerios.

Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. Zoe -. Shane runs. come on Scott.. SHANE Not with this kid. house like a marionette.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. They both tumble to the ground. Shane LIFTING him in the air.. S COTT . EXT.. 16. ZOE Okay. calling out from across the street. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door.BACK YARD .. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Zoe! . spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. tool. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked.. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. . I'll call you.window alarm and sneaks out silently. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.. ZOE He's my boyfriend. runs off. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.go back inside. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. jumps onto the trampoline. fine. He's dazed. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. but alright. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE.

The alarm stops. The Alarm's still blaring.NIGHT .. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. Oh. Look. SHANE MRS.. CHUN (perfect English. MR. pop their heads out. CHUN . Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut... Kojak. A simple misunderstanding. Shane stands there. MR. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Sorry. Shane addresses them. no accent) We speak English. We had an intruder. I INT. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Try to keep that zoo reigned in..Zoe storms inside. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. so we're up kind of early. CHUN Thanks a bunch. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. PLUMMER HOUSE . Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. we own a bakery. SHANE My apologies. Shane's about to head inside.. and we found this in our pool filter. THE CHUNS. Oh. fuming. huh baby-sitter? Mr. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.

He "hops" her down the hall to her room.) sing). But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. She has to hop on one foot.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Shane shuts her door. to not fall over. Shane flips her foot in the air. Bite me! Shane frowns. You should have told her the truth. Shane marches back down the hall. lower than the floor. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. S W 1 8. SHANE Not anymore. Zoe falls backwards into the room. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. .then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH.s. ZOE Who do you think you are -. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. continues down the dad? Zoe starts to turn -. Loud.

Shane shakes his head. in bed -. one step back. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. Three steps forward. just like the crabs do. EXT. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. The Children. PLUMMER HOUSE . She does. HOUSE . a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. warm orange light. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. he wriggles on the floor. T Z Z T 19. INT.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. to their beds. then "crab-walks" sideways. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. Then jumps up. In the bedrooms. Peter in his bed.groove. and do the Peter Panda Dance.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. .laugh and laugh.

OE Huh? Wha--?! INT.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. Helga runs through in hair curlers. carrying the crying baby. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. INT.. disoriented.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. You're insane. half-asleep and angry.m.odd is out cold. Move. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps.. Suddenly his door flies open -. S . Covering their ears. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. HALLWAY . motionless. ODD It's Sunday. like she's been electrocuted. Todd blinks groggily. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Not in front of the kids. 20 . HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. L Move. not understanding what's happening. TODD'S ROOM . oe is wrapped in blankets.MORNING Todd sits up.

Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up.. Your behavior is unacceptable.he gives him a look of disbelief. you. HELGA (She curses Again. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. lined up tallest to shortest. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. sucking on a bottle.. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. ladies.LATER The children are assembled. L 21. No highway option. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. . In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.. you. in Romanian. KITCHEN .. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.) Shane's jaw drops. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.

Touch that -. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. ZOE I am not wearing that. ZOE He's in his room. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. S ULU (CONT'D) . Now that I know I can't trust you. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Red Leader. End of chain. He tries the knob. SHANE Tracking devices. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. P eter farted.. He yells at her. INT. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Red baby. or you're dead. Never take them off. The panic button is only for emergencies. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. Shane tries to maintain decorum.(pointing) Red 1. wait.a tense silence. where's the older male? There were five.. Everyone cracks up.. So you are -. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. Everyone stares blankly -.and you do better be dying. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. he's furious. Red 2.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. Shane bangs hard on it. but it's locked.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. I tell you what to do -. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Angry. Shane bounds up the stairs.

they glare at Shane. hits Shane on the head. He has to go. He sees Shane. INT. HALLWAY . INT. this wouldn't have happened. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. A piece of the ceiling falls. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. to her room. Zoe comes up the stairs.22. She stops at Todd's door -. and Todd comes sauntering back.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. patrolling. I can fix this. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. Down the hall -. Todd nods in agreement. the destroyed door and wall. Oops. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. If you'd been wearing it.a FLUSH.. and head down the hall.MORNING . Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.. The entire frame collapses. Shane steps aside. then CRASHES inward..SMASH! The wood CRACKS. INT.LATER ZOE . PLUMMER HOUSE .. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it.

the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. He rushes for the front door. just as -. Lulu hides behind Shane. he hears something suspicious -.the rumble of a car approaching. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. Shane turns. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. Really? His eyes light up. His head shifts.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. hey. LULU This house is haunted.WHACK -. Daddy even said so. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything.S. He said there's a ghost. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. L S 23. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. hard. And then it hits Shane. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.LATER . PAPERBOY (O. to see that Peter is chasing her. wearing a towel as a sheet. I don't know. Peter Booos again. Lulu SHANE Hey.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Peter! screams. He pretends to be a ghost. clicks his alarm remote opens it. HALLWAY . INT.

STAIRWAY . They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. She screams.. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down.. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. ZOE Here he comes. When he hears an alert from his laptop. Searching. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. Shane scans it. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. scanning the ceiling. feeling.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. F . carrying a huge laundry basket. He goes back to the living room. as laundry flutters down from above.Shane walks slowly down the hall.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall... all the way down. Zoe whispers.a creak.. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. T IGHT . I INT. then turns his attention to his laptop. listening for hollow spaces. Nothing. MR. inally. BANGING her head and ass on each step. appears. pushing. He RAPS again. Then -.ZOE AND TODD .

ZOE Uh-oh. It's taking him a LONG time. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. BANKER Marcel! out. He licks his finger again. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. SWISS BANK . They wait patiently -. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. He seems to be about 100 years old. He feebly gets up.DAY Bill and Julie. I can't. EXT. Not in Switzerland. but can't get the page to turn. Bill can't stand it anymore.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. then licks his finger to turn the page.DAY Establishing.They gulp. 25. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. SWISS BANK . we're going to have to file a complaint. terrified. He jumps to his feet. . Then looks back to the paperwork. If we can't get some faster service. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. The Banker looks at him blankly. mouthing along in FRENCH. INT. this is an urgent matter. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. looking jet-lagged.

Shane tries to block her path. grabbing her foot. the chief does not speak English. Shane picks up the receiver. He grabs her suitcase. HELGA I am calm. Oui. As soon as your background checks clear. He DRAGS her back. enters. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. Peter's in the aquarium. Shane moves for the phone. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. heads to the door -. The suitcase handle breaks off. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. JULIE Thank you. I QUIT. MARCEL. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE (CONT'D) . RING! Amid the chaos. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. How long is that? INT. remain calm -- 26. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. As she tries to wrestle it away.SAME TIME Helga. and Helga dashes for the door. But I can tell you -. suitcases in hand. will have access to the box tout-suite.Another Banker. Suddenly. The duck flies around. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. Shane dives.

as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. EXT. against the counter. Helga scampers out the door. Just doing my. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause.Ah.everything's fine. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem.. HOUSE .. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Plummer. CRUNCH. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Shane hangs up the phone. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. (covering the phone.. Duty. Plummer. that landed on a diaper.Helga falls forwards. Shane body-checks it closed. Mrs. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. and Shane falls back.. 27. Helga struggles to get him off. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. He picks up his hand.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Mrs. Shane lets go. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do.

LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. Then -. she'll come back. HOUSE . There's been a change of plans.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief.Helga jumps in the cab. ANGLE . He drops his head.SHANE Rises. to find the kids are all gloomy. if she loves you. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. defeated. takes a deep breath and strides inside. dumbfounded. In the meantime. . then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. in the rear window. listen up. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought..he slowly glances up. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. we're just gonna have some more big fun. baby cries.. The 28. ANGLE ... ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. SHANE Okay. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. Helga glares back.

Using the tools as chopsticks. CLOSE-UP . takes a deep breath. SShane GROANS. And then -. repelled. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. All for one. SHANE Whoa. inundated. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. HEY! Even Peter runs. .MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. everyone bolts from the room. 29. Pure self-preservation. Nobody will help.. holding his nose. nice moment.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. Until -.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. your enthusiasm.SHANE He flops open. BATHROOM . he cautiously unfastens the diaper. I'm Navy. Only then can we rise to the challenge. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. INT.

Shane tries approaching -.) Thank you. he looks down to see Lulu. INT. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. Lulu doesn't go away. SHANE (unsure how to respond. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. Aghast. she just stares at him. I think you're cute.SHANE The things I do for my country. over and over and over. . LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Lulu is in her pj's. Lulu follows at his heels. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. She follows. making sure all the doors and windows are locked.he can't do it. LULU Hi. like a puppy.. HALLWAY .. he looks around for a solution. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. then FLUSHES. 30.

all the kids asleep. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. and shuts off her light. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. INT. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. and patrols. All the lights are out. KITCHEN . little girl. pulling down the shades on every window. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. I can get lots more of those. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some's time for you take a nappypoo. Shane smiles. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. 31. . And I've survived off this stuff for months. Lulu looks at him. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed." dubious.BREAKFAST . in beddibye land. The Kids stare at "breakfast. Todd. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school.Shane walks room to room. The kids sit down at their designated spots. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. like he's an idiot. proud of his accomplishment. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar.

PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. you go out. Peter starts bawling.. crying... Shane answers. trying to hear over the screaming. (then:) Yes.. Shane sighs.. And the phone rings. dancing. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Peter stands in his chair. Shane turns to Lulu. I can cross my eyes. So -.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. He runs away. If I say in. LULU .. Your mama's how it's gonna be. We're gonna pull together... SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. one for all.. Wanna see? Negative. all for one. not here to take care of you now. then at Tyler -. if I say out. The table cloth is yanked to the floor... LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. ZOE He's only two. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. ladies. .. you stay in.

LULU We're gonna be late. The Minivan skids completely sideways. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. 32 SHANE Plummer residence.M. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. He hangs up." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Thank you. GARAGE . EXT. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.9:29 A. perfect parallel park. INT. you and Todd are expelled..p. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. legal guardian. A big suburban school. It just doesn't add up. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.. Zoe smiles at him.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. With your . It hits ZERO.h. EXT. He said if you're late again. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes.. I know it's Monday.. sir.. dramatically unveiling Shane.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive.. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . backwards at sixty m. Across his chest.. GARAGE . Oh.. yes. and at that . into a TINY parking spot -. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. Shane fumbles with it for a while.a death defying. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. SHANE Not on my watch. INT. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. He wants to see you in his office. innocently.

moment. I'm Murphy. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . He's HUGE and mean. tough. as he plays on the floor. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Shane. They're the worst students in my school. a few days. conduct and truancy. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. Looks like Mrs. The Kids are seated around him. K thru 12. boy. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. they needed a parole officer. She's attractive. Well. son? SHANE Wolfe. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. Plummer finally listened. Murney is furious. I coach wrestling. Murney is unimpressed. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. too. Out of twenty-three. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. holding Peter on a harness. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's).P in charge of discipline. He glares at Shane. You're in my house now. Lieutenant. assured. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. Duane. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter.. mortified. He withers. Top to bottom. whatever work you can get. V.. . The Kids crack up.

. impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.. He exits. Plummer. SHANE Red 1. The opens the door for Murney. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Good. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. Claire sees this -. 34. BELL rings. Mrs. Lieutenant. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads.. What are you doing in my office. (then. huh? You with "The Teams?" The .. Principal Claire eyeballs him. fuming.and suddenly reacts. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. I think I can handle this from here. as he casually holds the three kids. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Plummer called my captain. staring him up and down. She told me all about you. I am in charge of.two little red DOTS move away. Get moving. that as vice principal.Good morning kids.. Red 2. You see. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. The teens hustle off to their classes. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm.

and the way I run my school. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. So. Claire looks nervously around. dead serious. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles... Shane stares not sure whether to believe. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. Service paid for my college. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".. On the spot. The 35. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON.MID-MORNING seeShane. Courage.(Shane nods. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. SHANE .. SHANE Can't be too careful. to balance Shane. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.. That's the way I live my life.. SHANE . A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service.. Welcome aboard. She lifts her pants leg. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Just try not to frighten the children. SHANE "Honor. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle..

turns her back to him embarrassed. Official Business. yanks his hood over his head.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. does the same. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. BINOCULARS P.: Five hundred students eat at long tables.. . in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Zoe. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. one.V.O.V. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. SHANE Give up now. delighted. picks up a pair of binoculars. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three.last time: Open the hanger. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. Todd. two. 36 . Black Hawk coming in. in line to get lunch.Clean as a whistle. Beside Shane. like a tether ball..O. with stern intensity. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Todd. He turns to the person front of him.. Now -. sitting in the back row of a class.. in Shane puts down his binoculars. CAFETERIA . INT. Shane closes the computer. Save us both a world of pain. He checks his tracking device.

. (she looks at his chair) Well. Mr. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. man.I out rank you. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. Oh.Tyler gurgles. Principal Claire smiles. Tyler laughs. Can I call you Shane? . I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds.. I guess. I'm impressed.) Shane. you don't. huh? Shane gives her a look. 37.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face.. ignoring him. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. . Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness.but you're pretty good at this. lieutenant. You're on dry land. Shane sighs. Claire smiles. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. with milk. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. (she toasts. you know.. When you agreed to serve your country.. Seriously. A whole day. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. He yanks Tyler away from him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. not so dry where you're sitting. Sure. SHANE Hey -.

impressed. in the crowd. the crowd freezes. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. LUNCH-LINE . One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. Murney smirks. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. MURNEY He did. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. unusual. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Personally .CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring.. next week's tournament is off. and the sound of Students in an uproar. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. As soon as they see the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. VP Murney is watching. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. MURNEY The kid's mixed up.... Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Look at him. I don't care who starts it. cheering. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. (Todd) 38. Zoe.That's. MURNEY You heard the lady. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. and "punches fists" with him. but not stopping it. INT.

to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Murney approaches Shane. 39 . sticking the landing. Maybe some other time then. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Don't even think it.. yeah. the crowd breaks up. stopping an inch from Shane's head.. That's right.I'm a black belt myself. sir.Todd lands on his feet. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Maybe you could stop by practice. SHANE . No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. I forgot you had to baby-sit. (low. Todd shakes him off and heads to class.. what do you say? Come on. Todd lunges at him.I think that's a little harsh. Murney. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. Frogman -. The Bell rings. flinch.. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Shane puts an arm over Todd's control. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera.. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Nice moves. SHANE . MURNEY Pretty slick. Boys'll be boys. man. . I'm on duty. He'd kill you so fast.. MURNEY Oh. promise I'll go easy on you. Sorry.

doing a shoulder roll. as he keeps watch. Then Shane smells what she means -. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF.. Have fun. another dollar twenty. Just then. Emergency! SHANE INT..INT. Shane recoils in disgust.. Uh. Roger that. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . holding Tyler out like a grenade. SCHOOL HALLWAY . 2ND GRADE HALLWAY ..2:55 Shane looks exhausted. Tyler is crying. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Bathroom's down the hall. for one who'll eat. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. and not cry.CONTINUOUS . 40.change him. It leads him to a door. The Principal strolls up. minus taxes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3.. following his tracking device. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Not my job. Lt.. SHANE Oh -. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. INT. But. He bursts though it.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Panicked. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.Tyler's diaper is full.

HALLWAY . EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION . Lulu is in front of the class. with the Panic Button in her hand. At that moment. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. I INT. Thanks. 41. EXT. racing down the road ahead of Shane. EXT. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. They make a sharp right. Shane is furious.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. but the FINAL BELL rings. CONSTRUCTION SITE . He blasts through a red light. almost tipping the minivan.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. Shane makes a right.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. He speeds away after them.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . his Tracker Alarm sounds again. Shane lands in fight stance -. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. He leaps out of the minivan.the Class applauds. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . The board reads: SHOW AND TELL.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. SHANE EXT. through the fence. He hands her to the Principal. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. are heading away from the school fast.

SHANE He's alone. . PLUMMER HOUSE . all brandishing tools.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -.LIVING ROOM .then RUN.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. they hear the front door open. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around.then gasps -. Shane lowers himself down.It's dark and dank. He winces.section. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. Three Workers rush him. It's horrific. SEWER .the DOTS are CLOSE. Shane trudges through the river of muck. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. INT. SQUISHY footsteps. INT. you're about to get a beat down. No sweat. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. then checks his tracker. ANGLE . Shane easily takes them out.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. and charges through. From outside. IN THE MANHOLE . He catches his breath. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. and the sound of OMINOUS. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. Shane pries off the manhole cover. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. then checks the tracker -. feet away. He takes a deep breath and dives under.

.. (into his radio:) Cancel that a.. Everyone gasps. thank you. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. BATHROOM . He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. Call.LATER Shane is in the shower. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. weird hair. She practically GAGS as she passes him. KITCHEN . BACK YARD . Zoe checks him out as he goes.Then the door swings open. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. Ditto. use our nonemergency number.p. INT. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. looking like a Swamp Creature. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. 16 year old female. he doesn't say anything. . revealing Shane.b. The Cop leaves. INT.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. If you need anymore help. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. Todd stiffens. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. The Cop looks at them..DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. The Cop turns to Shane. then covers their noses. . with a smirk. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. Zoe fixes her hair. The smell is BAD. Covering her nose. 43 INT..

. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. If we don't sell enough cookies. They already think I'm a loser.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. INT. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -.. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. pulling Lulu after him. And it's not like I have any other friends. Mom's our den mother. FAMILY ROOM . 4. LULU We have to. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. cringing in disgust. (whispers:) Come on. He sees on the fridge. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies.) Get rid of them. Monday. Lulu starts to sniffle. and whistle. You gotta help me out. They won't be home `til ten. we can't go the Jamboree.Shane enters. Shane. it's Monday. The Brownies applaud. they're staring at him. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. in just a towel. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. SHANE (O. He looks at it.S. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . 4 . LULU I can't.all junk food. close to tears.a dozen little girls in uniforms.

Shane sighs. INT. back in "uniform. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. revving a cordless POWER DRILL.. SHANE Alright. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. then drills it into place.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.. I'm scared of you. LIVING ROOM . Shane blows passed her. the other to his back. SHANE Good. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. Now -. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. Zoe's on the phone.. I'm gonna be your den -commander.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room.MOMENTS LATER Shane. Indian Style. ZOE . ZOE'S BEDROOM . getting ready to go.wait here.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. at attention.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. Here's how it's gonna be. do as I say.. They are assembled. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. INT.. he's a total psycho. ladies. yeah. unpacking boxes of cookies. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. . KITCHEN .. INT. He's not just locking them -. Tonight.Lulu's about to burst into tears. BROWNIE Den Mother? . That means if you want to live to see tomorrow.

He smiles. Zoe picks up the phone. INT.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs.. NOTHING looks familiar -. (she listens:) Hm.. SHANE I gotta get supplies... Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.PARKING LOT .. DRIVEWAY .5.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. but they're . 4 EXT. ZOE . Tyler looks at him -. GROCERY STORE .nothing even looks like food.. He sees: a huge. the camera CRANES up to. it's like Oz or something. as he pushes a cart into the store. No.. Scott.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. Snack packs. GROCERY STORE . GROCERY STORE ... GROCERY STORE .. He looks around at the bright. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know."what are you. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. he's got us on lock-down. nuts?" EXT. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz.. but if anything happens.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. hits speed-dial. I dunno if that's a good idea. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. EXT. I can see you through the window. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals.

before I get my face punching badge on you. but can't get away. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -..noticing very shy..but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. menacingly. and lets her go. I haven't seen anybody. They're headed straight towards the cookie table.. The Cub Scouts high-five. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . they're back.. clutching their boxes. One of the Brownies spots something. GROCERY STORE . 46 BROWNIE Oh no. EXT. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. . Finally. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. One The Brownies take off running.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. chubby CUB SCOUTS. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. He rips it open. we see who she means: A group of bad ass.. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. you Skeever? . UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. He laughs.she tugs and tugs.

PARKING LOT . CHUCK E. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Where? SHANE INT. He heads toward the Scouts. Cheese MANAGER. and points at Lulu's Panic button. you're supposed to take us to dinner.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. If I don't come back -avenge my death.22's. Shane's monitor starts beeping. Get in the car. EXT. He bends down.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. He firmly tells Lulu. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. CHEESE . You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . The Brownies are huddled behind it. we're going home.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Around his neck. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. The Brownies scream.2ND SCOUT Nope. Not cookies. He wears . 47. trembling.A LITTLE LATER . Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. I'm here to protect you. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet.

. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice.. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. Cheese! Wider reveals. A LITTLE LATER: 48. This much The Manager laughs. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. Lulu approaches. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. skee Brownies are running around. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother.. the Chuck E.braces and head-gear. this much cyanide. which causes him to lisp. Cheese automaton band JAMS. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere..CHAOS. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle.. . The Manager approaches Shane. On stage. Shane's watching Peter. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. playing video games and ball.. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya.

Shane is taking it really seriously. stretches. then cracks her in half over his knee. He checks over his shoulder -. My joystick's broken. then kicks him in the face. Nobody can jump thirty feet. They begin.LULU I pressed two player. kneels on his head. He cracks his knuckles. I thought you liked combat. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. LULU The Hulk can.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. The second round starts. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Round three starts. and then a kick in the face. Then he a joy stick. He's really mad.. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Lulu picks a small female character.. He steps up to the machine. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. spins her. Lulu screams out with her fighter. .she pins him to the ground. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. SHANE That's not fair. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Unless you're scared. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Shane even get one punch in -.

dancing.. It's really annoying. swinging and missing. ZOE Mom -. come on -... slamming buttons. Shane's working the joy stick hard.. INTERCUT WITH: INT.. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. Sparks fly. LULU Too slow. it's my job to worry. ZOE . Shane's really fuming.take a shot. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE.LIVING ROOM . its joystick dangling by its wires. HOTEL ROOM . 50. He and the Brownies sneak away.. INT. swing and a miss. oops too slow..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest..CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed.... He is KO'd... she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.stop worrying. She keeps dancing. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. leaving the sizzling machine. jumping.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. LULU You're not even trying. Lulu's having fun now. PLUMMER HOUSE .. the Zhouse is quiet. but he can't hit her. while he pounds the buttons.

.The Plummer House: . then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. EXT. . MALL PARKING LOT . who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE I know. And the folks who read my BLOG.Seriously. JULIE It's only a few more days. VARIOUS SHOTS . we're okay. kids everywhere. I hate leaving you. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. who doesn't seem concerned at all. Don't worry. The guy's just a control freak. counting them.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. but you know I have to do this. INT. ZOE Dude. loads Brownies into the minivan.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle).in my cell. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. everything's cool. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. up.LIVING ROOM . I love you. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE .. 51. not cool. Zoe rolls her eyes. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. She turns to Scott.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. this is outta hand. ZOE Dude.

move.LATER . and goes down for the diaper. out away from him.not okay. Not okay. SHANE . Whoa. Shane grimaces.they almost always do. He disappears under the balls -. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. is fine. He's holding the diaper. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. SUBURBAN ROAD . He holds his breath. We see what he forgot: PETER. to leave a man behind like that.. again. CHUCK E. move! Go go! EXT. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out... S 52. The Manager is watching him. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. CHEESE .for a long time. Silence. gasping. freestyling in the ball pool -. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.Move. INT. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA..MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. He charges across the room with the diaper. Suddenly. SHANE Inexcusable. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. He's still down there. the Brownies follow. MANAGER Relax... he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.

Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. at a full run... then RUN. Now. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane takes Lulu.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. He gets out -. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.. Peter and Tyler up the path. 53. peeing in the bushes. Shane snatches it mid-air -.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by.J. scared. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors.. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. CLUB lock off the door. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. chugging drinks.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.'s turntables.. windows. we're gonna do this .. vents.then CRUSHES the ball. INT. making out. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Scott. trying to understand. Reeling. jocks throwing footballs. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. as he pulls up in the Minivan.. EXT..KITCHEN .and groans in disbelief. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. PLUMMER HOUSE . Party's over. Outraged. a total wreck. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings.

trying to maintain his dignity. He holds it up to a KID. Oh my god. as kids clean. ladies.. In a bathroom. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk..NIGHT Shane inspects the highway option.CONTINUOUS . Scott gulps .and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. and rubs his finger UNDER IT.. CUT EXT. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.. straightening -. Shane goes over them. through binoculars. PLUMMER HOUSE . furiously clean. He lifts the sofa. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. It reads: way -. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. He hands Scott the mop. He fumes.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Miserable TEENS scrub. Shane's eyes narrow. Scott and Zoe. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . labeled with a Sharpie. INT. and walk out of sight. residue. in Playtex gloves.then he notices something. INT. he takes it off. mopping. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. Clean. PLOP. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. They see Shane find the CD..

where she throws up. you hate us. He heads upstairs. Todd picks her up. Scott's the last one to leave. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence.. They show no respect for you or your house. Because you have no respect for yourself. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Thanks a lot. Zoe gets up.. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. outside the bathroom door.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket.into the bathroom. ZOE . ZOE I do too respect myself. CUT TO: EXT.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. Zoe blows past him -. shaky and furious. furniture polished. Rambo. INT. Zpounding on doors.. sits down. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane hands her a handkerchief.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. downstairs! He walks down the hall. and screams in Shane's face. Lulu's crying. ueasy. she pukes again. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. After a beat. Shane stands. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. You're like a robot. helpless.. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. (Announces:) Company. My friends will never come here again. Shane .

TWO NINJAS. Go to your rooms. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. They leap down after him. Wielding with great skill. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. talking doesn't do any good. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. pounding him with their . but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Red 1. Shane spins in fight-stance.. I'm gone. all in black BURST in through the window. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. He goes down. Don't worry. Not even from the enemy. as soon as your mom comes back. NINJA GHOST -. Suddenly -. Suddenly.they're good. tired) It's Scott.. SHANE Puberty. SHANE You're right. close-quarters and fast.. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. I'm not the man for this job.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect.. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall.55.the power goes out. fiercely -. The Ninjas attack. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it..the three fight.hand it over! staffs.

FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. Shane runs to the changing table.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. Shane crashes down. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. He pulls the string. With his foot.knocking him into. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. a squeezes . Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. toys fly. 56 INT. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -.. blinding him. SHANE Okay -.. avoiding Legos. fiercely. Shane fends the Ninjas off. WHACK. and grabs it. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. he hits a Ninja in the head. it makes a silly thunk..CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. and uses them both to fend off blows... The Ninjas move towards him -.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. . facing them. They step back. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS..then the Ninjas charge. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. several FURBIES hit the floor.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. and flings them all over the floor. PLAYROOM . He spots a BASEBALL BAT.

He A long pause -.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. TODD Who were they? What did they want.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them.. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. quietly knocks. and Shane sees he's now alone. bawling. ANGLE . SHANE Shhh. He hugs them. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. HALLWAY .. terrified. You can open up. disappointed to have lost them. SHANE It's safe. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. Then. Shane approaches Zoe's door..SHANE 57.? SHANE They're looking for a program. that your father invented. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. He squints..then the door creaks open. He runs to the broken window. blinded. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. KICKING a Ninja in the chest.. It's okay. . he hugs Peter and Lulu.. Kids. fearful.. Todd and Zoe enter. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane... He sprays it in Shane's face. Shane bangs the window sill.. He really hugs them. Shane isn't sure what to do. INT. The cloud dissipates.

Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. 58. and do what I say... Shane is furious -. as long as I'm here. all smiles.then they hug him..okay? Zoe and Todd nod. And I'm not going anywhere. Zoe answers it. the other kids join in. too. Then.a long pause. They want this. SHANE They're not after you.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. I'll listen to you too. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST." And then. CLOSE-UP . They shake -. startled.. They hug him tighter. Soon. eye to eye.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. The kids shudder. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. From now on.. But nothing's gonna happen to you.they all jump. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. absolutely nothing pottery . pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. He looks Zoe. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. you listen to me.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC.. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. it's been a long night. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. Deal? Truce -. LIVING ROOM . Then. INT. "Unchained Melody. Shane offers his hand to shake. relieved.

We found something in the box. Shane takes the phone. You have any luck? JULIE Well. They were looking for GHOST. I'm gonna be sticking even closer.. students run in to school. SHANE No .So soon? We were just starting to have fun. She holds up the strange. . They're gone. and Shane emerges with the five kids. everyone's fine. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. The minivan pulls up. yes and no. INTERCUT: INT. Don't worry -.. HOTEL ROOM .happened you should worry about.we'll be just's okay. But we're not sure what it is... Plummer. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. Nope. two men tried to get into the house tonight. We just don't know what its for. EXT. SCHOOL .MORNING Early morning. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. metal two pronged KEY.. It looks like some kind of "key".CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. but they didn't find it. SHANE Mrs. SHANE (very genuine) . as soon as the customs paperwork clears.

MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. Shane stands off to the side..DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. EXT. . LULU'S CLASSROOM . SCHOOL PARKING LOT . VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. He dips an INT. then BRAKES. "yeah. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. Principal Claire next to him. Lulu's classmates all chant. Peter 60 She smiles. He is gesticulating. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. THE GYM . I know it's good. then BRAKES. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. mortified." Then. she wrecked a driver's Ed. making a mess of an egg.she'll pay for the damage. SHANE Don't worry. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. An obstacle course with cones. ANGLE on Lulu. Murney stands. ANGLE on Shane.INT. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. squashed at a little desk. LULU'S CLASSROOM . MURNEY . shaking his head. reacting each time she HITS the gas. egg in some purple dye. They look concerned. Zoe sits in a folding chair.DAY Driver's Ed.. Shane nods. and smiles at Shane. SCREAMING. So. HITS the gas. sunglasses on..LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). car -. who sits in the back. a crazed TEACHER next to her..

) See if you can talk to the boy.. but -.I'm a bit concerned. what do you expect. And that's not all. Murney calls into the hallway. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought.yes. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. No.. But this.. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods... and I'm not sure what to do.. boys will be boys -. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. giving him a "skinhead" look. Todd and Zoe stand to go. Zoe shrugs. SHANE He's not a NAZI.That? Lady drivers. it's not that -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. Shane scowls. 61. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. (pulls Shane aside. what's going on. He does always miss sixth period. Todd's the boy. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. and Shane walks them out. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. .. I was doing a little recon in his locker. Shane gives Zoe a look. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.but this is just sick. Shane stops....

SHANE I'll talk to him. and leaves. Shane trips forwards to his knees.that whole family's no good. 62. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. and keeps walking. I promise I won't hurt you. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. we'll give these boys a treat. maybe. Murney laughs. as he passes.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. and Murney chases after him. if you ask me. Kung team: Shane walks away. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. and leaps at Shane. stretching. Shane. I'll show you a couple moves. huh? (Shane ignores him. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! .. Without warning. Shane walks the kids out.. SHANE Another time. MURNEY You're a good man. kicking him in the BACK. MURNEY It's a date then.

do your homework. and leaves. Todd runs towards the house. It's pink. Shane looks out the window -.shakes Shane turns back. with a flowered basket. Shane parks. peering out her window. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. Shane screws the window shut.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. running around the corner. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. signal me. so the alarm didn't go off. Nothing. He sees Zoe. preheat the oven. I want to talk to you. INT. but he . with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. On the corner. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. EXT. keeping the contact. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. Murney his head. he can see Todd. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. SHANE Wait Todd.. Keep all doors sealed. TODD'S ROOM . PLUMMER HOUSE . It looks like Shane might fight.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. but instead he takes a deep breath. you're in charge. Shane hops out the window. The window is wide open. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. He enters..far down the block. It's small for him. and snickers to his Team. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. He starts to shut the window. SHANE Smart kid.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

.... it's over. Shane's glare. Shane straightens up. Shane looks at the Cast.. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever.. Todd looks devastated -.... they quickly assemble on stage. Liesl chimes in. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. weird or something? 66 . He smiles. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. Todd looks up at Shane.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. girls'll think I'm. Chicks dig guys who can dance. show's off... SHANE COMPANY -. Shane shakes his head... SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.What if. they're not sure what to do. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. BEAT. LIESL We don't have a director. TODD . or not? Everyone nods. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes..

. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's stupid. SHANE . I called him in his room. He peeks in -... Scott. furious. He turns out the light. I promise. BREAKING something. SHANE Okay.Yes.LATER .. angrily. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. I know it's no big deal. YES WHAT? SHANE . I don't know why I let it get to me. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. He hears Zoe in her room. LULU'S ROOM .What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. INT. ZOE .. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. Shane exits.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway..UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I won't touch him.. No wait! ... INT. another girl picked up the phone.

. the little Elf family -. Stumped. I 6 . Then he starts: SHANE Okay. on Lulu's floor.. setting up the scene with DOLLS. Shane looks at her three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. The elves had to go in and take it out. SHANE(CONT'D) One day..Shane tucks Lulu into bed.Uh.. and they came in from the north. So -they waited for cloud cover. (MORE) T S L 8. Let's see. Went into the magic forest. Once there was a family of Elves. ULU Tell me a story. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to... where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. To find a secret gnome. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. Uranium... he illustrates. facility. As Shane finishes the story. He sits on the bed. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo...

. He made it up for him. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Like dad used to do. Peter WAILS.mean standing... I can't remember that thing. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. head in the door. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. SHANE Oh.. Shane sighs. and whispers to Peter.. from across the hall.. TODD You have to do the dance. Lulu's fallen asleep. INT.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. We got `em all. The wails get louder and LOUDER.. Todd calls from the doorway.. . And you ain't got a chance. c'mon. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Shane doesn't know what's wrong... S 69. NURSERY .. TODD I'll write it down for you. lower than the floor... Peter starts bawling. Even. and do the Panda Dance... or he won't stop. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .Rodriquez. the teeniest little elf of all -. Then.

Shane. They turn to Zoe. SHANE What are you looking at? INT.. with her Gameboy. (Tyler in the snuggle).) EXT. GARAGE .MORNING . through the mirror. T the A 70. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Chun gets his paper.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. Shane turns and catches Mr.. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. Shane crab-walks sideways. . terrified. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Peter applauds.Shane sighs. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. She gets out in shock. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. (He does. He sings again... hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. just like the crabs do. staring. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. Shane hops forward three times. and gets in the driver's seat. mortified. SHANE Today you drive. He does the dance as he sings. Chun. The Kids sit bolt upright.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Lulu is next to him. PLUMMER HOUSE . Humiliated.

not the road.ZOE But -. Touched. jerkily. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. I trust you. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Shane is nervous. Exactly. She pulls out. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. S P . The Kids share a dubious look. Zoe is surprised.. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light.. Shane is shaky.. Keep going.. Zoe backs jerkily out.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me..I can't even pass driver's Ed. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. no. INT. Lulu and Todd are terrified. but trying not to show it. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. MINIVAN .

Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables.Claire BARKS out. Broken promises lead to broken legs. being obnoxious. hey head into the school. with a few FRIENDS. CAFETERIA . ZOE Ha ha ha. Shane spots something. Claire strides into view. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. laughing. severe stare) Now. the kids gulp and orderly march away. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Zoe smiles. almost tapping a bus's rear fender.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Very funny..71. EXT.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. and a little make-up. Shane jumps out of the car. Shane lets him down and heads into school. Suddenly -... Scott's terrified. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. Before Scott knows what's happened. trembling. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. 1500 hours. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Shane unclenches his teeth. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Shane's . Chastened. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. SHANE Good. terrified. Next lesson. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. KIDS boisterously run past. INT. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. She's wearing a cute dress.

. Principal Claire sighs "not again. impressed. Shane leaps over the table.eyes alight. and offers him a milk. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. him by the ear. sailor? Thanks. too. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. She's waiting for him to say. Shane`s not so good at small talk. S T P .. S he sits beside him. something." In one move.. She smiles. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Suddenly.. Wow. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . It's a miracle. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. He smiles back. dragging . RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. Love it when he does that.. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. SHANE hey eat in silence.. you never know who you're going to run into.

now it all makes sense.. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. TODD Hey. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. M 73.. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. .. Murney turns around. I'm right here. Then: TODD I am not scared.. What're you so scared of... Talk. I. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Yeah I do. MURNEY Winners never quit. boy. Silence. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. intimidated. MURNEY I've had it.Murney shoves Todd forward. Murney gets up in Shane's face. Murney. I quit. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Freak? The Students snicker. I want to sing. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. Todd looks. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. It opens Friday. No one's sure they heard him right.

me. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. swarm Todd. Let's do it. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. protecting him. So calm. M urney looks over at the Team.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school.face to face. TODD There is a man in my house -. They look to the ground reads: . There is a stunned moment -. Everyone is watching. His voice cracks -.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. He storms out. it's scary S 74. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. Your ass is mine. You suck. humiliated. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. The whole team wants to quit. The Gym. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. taking flyers. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. Murney looks around. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach.Shane steps them. You're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. Murney did not expect to be called out. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. furious -URNEY So -. Todd's telling the truth. I'm the only one with the guts to do it.and then a mob of Students.

The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Shane side-steps. quietly twitching on the ground. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Todd flops to the mat. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. WHAM."Murney's getting his ass kicked. 3:00. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. his The Wrestlers mouths drop.BAM. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. M URNEY on. GYM . you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. mumbling something. S 75. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. grabs onto Murney's waist. rushes Shane. hard." INT. Shane throws an arm around Todd.3:00 mat.sending him right into the wall. Murney lands on his back. Todd cheers Shane on. and they head out. shocked. Murney. and sweeps Murney -. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. The bleachers are PACKED. Murney bounds to his feet.

When I Rwanda. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. too. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. TODD That was awesome. Todd. Claire. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. She gives him a thumbs up. If you're not sure. Shane S smiles at her as he passes.Dislocated nerve. The crowd cheers. that's all. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. LULU We're Brownies. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. FOREST . SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. They walk out. fascinated. No brownies edible. I got my troops waiting. TO: EXT. . I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. 76 SHANE either. BUGS. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat.

PUNCH. he reaches out and rocks it. here at the top of the stairs. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. Shane holds a stopwatch.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. The Duck watches all this -..EARLY MORNING The lot is empty.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . KICK. He laughs at his own joke. MALL PARKING LOT . NURSERY .. MALL PARKING LOT .DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. the Girls PUNCH.. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.fascinated. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock." INT.. PUNCH. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes..we'll put Von Trapps here. and. here. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.. KICK. she burns rubber. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. He signals her. OLD FACTORY . SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. In unison. EXT. Zoe . The Kids don't get it. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. in between punches.FRONT LAWN .she hits EVERY ONE -. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. EXT. in perfect tempo.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. He illustrates the stage directions.

DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. mercilessly. INT. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.. PLUMMER HOUSE . blur.BACK YARD .DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. NURSERY .DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.. in we WIDEN back. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. The Brownies attack. EXT. INT. T I E 77.2. Shane gives her a signal. but doesn't fall. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.DAY -"1. He counts begins wriggling free.. your life little girl..FRONT LAWN . ODD . EXT.. Hands a T ." Lulu. OLD FACTORY . she only clips one.. it teeters. EXT. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. is an empty page/that men will want to write on..3. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. They watch closely.. MALL PARKING LOT . PLUMMER HOUSE .out and weaves the cones.

" Singing and doing all the moves -. NURSERY . MONTAGE ENDS EXT. Peter Panda. now and then.he's got it down. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Peter. THUD! Gazelle. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.huh? Now. He does a spin kick.EVENING . U Shane BLOWS the whistle. Todd tries the kick. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. adding a James Brown flourish. Then he tucks Peter in.hard. Peter. Again. he almost bursts into tears. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . But sweet dreams. INT. He kisses Peter on the forehead. but blows it. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. 8. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. Shane is so touched. daddy. odd tries the spinning kick. Graceful. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. Graceful. SHANE I'm not your daddy. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.

on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. The Scouts share a look -. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. striking a cool pose. the Other Scouts are scared. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. Across the lot. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. As he's comparing prices -.. he lands on the ground hard.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. the Chubby Cub Scouts. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. LULU Go away and we won't hurt a FLIP.they LAUGH.MOMMY! She lets him go -. tying him. at their own table. scary. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. but like lightning. FORMATION. 9. The Scout struggles. proud. The . Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. S SHANE That's my troop.he sees. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. she wraps it around his arm. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. In one move. You're gonna have to pay for that. He smiles.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. wearing the double snuggle. INT. see them.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

ANGLE . HOTEL . JULIE The red tape is cleared up. A tear runs down Zoe's face.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. WITH: J INT.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT .SHANE He's left alone. BACK YARD . HALLWAY . The phone rings. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.soldier. EXT. She throws her arms around Shane. we're on the first plane in the morning. INT. J 82. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. Shane answers it. the kids are all abuzz. OE I never even got to say good bye. happy. talking excitedly.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall.

NIGHT hane turns the light on. your wings aren't clipped.The house is dark. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Shane sighs morosely. unblinking. Kids to play S .. Gary sits in the next chair. he Duck stares. INT. Shane sits in a lawn chair. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. hane rises. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. He pets the Duck. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Suddenly. Three squares a day. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. GARAGE . Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Shane turns. No reason for personal attachments. SHANE Just another assignment. with. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front.. the Duck starts quacking.

Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. INTERC UT: B harder.CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. No hinges or cracks. leading below the garage. He's been trying. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR... shines it down the grate... and then it gives. he floor opens. GARAGE .. only It's solid and inscrutable. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. Shane looks on stunned. Shane steps down it. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. The wheel spins. The break in its surface is a strange. The Kids are watching his progress. Lulu hands him a tool. TO: to S 84. INT. He tries muscles rippling.. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. Shane dials a phone. unsuccessfully.. . DISSOLVE INT. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. crack the lock all night.SHANE What happened. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. we see a CRANK WHEEL. Nothing.

. Okay.don't do anything `til I get there. Then we slowly MOVE UP. GARAGE . After we turn this in to my CO.. Away from Shane. TO: INT.. don't do anything further. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. GARAGE . An ominous pause. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. excited... It's in a steel vault. pleased. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. towards the neighbor's house. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. Everyone reacts happily. Silently spying on Shane. Bill reacts.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. Except for -. SEDAN .CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. W e PUSH INTO the house. relieved. We'll be there shortly -. I think I found GHOST.EXT. Through a window. can't crack it. CHUN CUT BACK . Do you have it? SHANE No. BILL .. She looks stricken. I've been trying all night. MRS. Julie sits beside him.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. TO: INT. and hangs up. sir. Bill's cell phone rings. he answers it.Lulu. GHOST.

.. in the next room.SHANE He goes silent. Tongue-tied. should be home soon. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. I 85. he has no answer.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. comes into the dark hall. Shane -.. INT. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. Kids singing a beautiful.V.: The house is spotless. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). SHANE You guys better get ready.they hear. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. HOUSE . LULU But. Bill is carrying her suitcases. KIDS VOICES .does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . Lulu? You should be happy. The rug is vacuumed. She trails off. Julie and Bill hop out. JULIE'S HOUSE .MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door..O. J JULIE'S P. The fish tank is clear. in shock. so they probably trashed the place.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left.

. mom. INT. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable.. then salutes back) Good job. The Kids rush forward and hug her. KITCHEN . Lulu has bows in her hair. 8 JULIE almost faints. Shane sees Bill enter. picture- . ZOE Welcome home.. BILL (he smiles wryly. She staggers to..(singing. Zoe is in a conservative dress. Bill steadies her. Julie goes to the.... ( B 6. INT. Julie starts bawling. DINING ROOM . no dishes in the sink. Dumb-struck. smiling.. a capella) . for a thousand years.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Peter is fresh faced. Across the room. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. S SHANE Captain. She sees. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. featuring Todd. Lieutenant. with songs they have sung.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean.

. GARAGE . Bill holds the pronged key.. S S 87. You just name it. ILL I'm really proud of you. Don't get me wrong. reluctant. SHANE That's kind of you. Shane. Shane continues.. pause) But I'll have to think about it. Suddenly. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. Sir. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. all I've never known is the military. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE .DAY Shane leads Bill inside. an ANGRY VOICE. anywhere you want. And I think I want to explore that some more. Bill stops. surprised. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. BILL I should hope not. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back..INT.

relishing a second of glory -. and starts to fall. hane takes control! He smiles. GUNS DRAWN. CLOSE-UP . Disoriented. confused. B 88. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. startled. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up.. Shane shoots Bill a glance.when suddenly. while SLAMMING their heads together.. reaching for Bill's key..Shane and Bill spin.SHANE Lights out. he looks up as he drops. Mr... Shane puts his hands behind his head.. and Mrs. He takes a submissive position.. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. MRS.. There were delays. Things are spinning.. SHANE'S POV woozy.. Chun. Mrs. startled. He is losing consciousness. ... CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Chun comes closer. then passes out. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. Shane peers in confusion. He turns. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.

At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. Bill checks the knots binding the children. GARAGE .BLACK. scared. exit. Beside the safe is a red switch.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. 9. So did the Department of Defense. Chun) secures the room. Julie glares. Inside is a dark corridor. They whimper.with me. ILL North Korea pays better. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. They THE VAULT! Spare. Chun Bill GAGS Julie.DAY Shane lies unconscious.. You -. INT. The Korean Man (Mr. JULIE I trusted you. Charles trusted you. They anxiously tiptoe. He GAGS the kids. livid. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.. tied up. The floor is covered with square tiles.. bright and white. The Kids are furious. then slides OPEN! enter. 8 Bill grins. closing the window shades. INT. Peter has a JUICE BOX. Bill inserts the two-pronged key.. and it CLICKS. Chun) Keep an eye on them. Bill and Mrs. NURSERY . Bill and Mrs. Chun approach the steel door. FADE IN: INT. The door HUMS. with two . reaching. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore.. (to Mr..

CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. Chun whirls -.S. It's set on ARMED. like a monstrous computer. He sneers. as if she hadn't moved. she unties Zoe! Then -. Tyler GASPS. done. the Chun spins. then Mr.. then leans back against Zoe. she hits her panic button! O.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls... The air is filled with an ominous. Lulu frowns.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. Bill eyes the safe. horrified -... but the of her jacket is on fire. completely SINGED OFF. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. low-pitched HUM. startled -. HOUSE . But behind her back. quickly assuming a fake bound position. MR. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. MRS. Mr. CHUN Just. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No..and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. CHUN But I've got some C4. Lulu "looks" scared. had eyebrows. Chun is Bokay. MRS. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. INT. BEEPING. eyeballing them icily..needing a distraction. She confidently strides toward the safe -. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . Mrs.the Kids look innocent. off shoulder eyebrows. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. Mr.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. With a rapid blur of finger-work.SAME TIME Mr. Chun guards the kids.

he drops to his knees in pain. CHUN That's cute. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. HAM without warning. Chun scowls. snake-like move. then... Mr. Lulu runs. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Chun looks at Lulu. Mr. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. .. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr.. Chun laughs: MR. he steps closer. Chun's face. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. They untie Julie. slamming the door behind her. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. when he's at her level. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. It HURTS. Chun's leg.W Z 90. Mr. BEHIND TODD . Skeptical. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Chun's head.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Mr.

INT. Chun falls back from the door. Chun punches the door. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . INT. INT. his face COATED in white. I INT. FRONT DOOR . making a small hole. He yells out furious! MR. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.CONTINUOUS Mr. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Mr. M E M 91. Bill lurches into view.. clutching her! The . they're trapped inside. Chun's face.. He sticks his face out the hole.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. NURSERY .but as Julie exits. DONNGGG -.doorknob. but the door won't budge.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.... CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. She SCREAMS..

CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.CONTINUOUS r. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. then nod and run to the side garage.. Mrs.I've got the keys. INT. unsure. . They start to run back. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. EXT. She floors are horrified.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. Chun listens to Mr. MINIVAN . Chun THE RADIO. HOUSE . speaking in Korean: RS... HOUSE . Chun comes racing around the house -. they're not going SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. CHUN Chun falls. MR. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. ARGHH! driveway.

Julie GASPS. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. chilled. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. Then. B . She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. Don't make me kill you too. It's getting old. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. VAN .. lying on the concrete. gaining on them.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. holding a military RADIO. They step past Shane's body. Mrs. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. a CRACKLING of static. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. GARAGE .Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. INT.. INT. leading her to the secret door.Charles didn't tell me about the room. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. Chun exits the vault. oe runs a yellow.

ILL . ZOE . He tries to pass them on the right.) Bill.S. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires.DAY The vehicles race.. ill eyes him. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.. Bring them back unharmed. Bill deciding if he can trust him. BILL Change of plan. Bill. MRS. BUSY STREET . Chun just inches from the kids' tail.he clicks "talk" on the radio. Bill uncuffs Shane. everyone looks down. Surprised. they might wreck. just please don't hurt anyone. to cut them off! INT. ANGLE . It's like a chariot race. emotional. my husband has question: MR. I'll get you in. It's B risky.93.SHANE They look over -. as Zoe drives. Chun zooming by. EXT.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat.. Do it. The men stare down. half on the sidewalk. CHUN Mr. don't hurt the kids.Shane is standing in the doorway. He does something we can't see.. SHANE (O.. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. Then -. MINIVAN ..

CRASH!! The kids cheer. Hair spray. Shane is figuring his options.. She Mr. SECRET VAULT . Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Mrs. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Mr. and loses control.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. INT. orange peels. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. . disoriented. It throws Mr. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.. Chun SCREAMS.. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry... CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Bill waits impatiently.. Peter laughs. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. crayons... Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Mr. Chun holds Julie. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Chun with debris: milk cartons. Mr. In the van. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly.What's taking you? 94. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Exasperated. triumphant. Chun off for a beat. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Zoe looks over. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. M R.

landing on his hands and knees. Todd. ill cocks his gun. puzzled.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Lulu. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Tyler! Bill He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. sending him flying backwards. Shane leaps back. Shane SQUIRTS it..A bewildered beat -. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Shane gets up. Shane steps forward . Bill laughs. confidently: J B B 95 . That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. in pain. Watch.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. He speaks aloud. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane steps forward. BILL Code or no code.. . go get it -. over one beam and ducking under another -. Peter.

SHANE Shane's thinks. Bill and Julie share a look -.. fearlessly. CLOSE-UP . He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).. Julie relieved.. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.NOTHING HAPPENS. E 96 . SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. NOTHING HAPPENS. When you're down and low. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. then back: smiles. He thinks.. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . lower than the floor. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. just like the crabs do. Something she said. He steps sideway. And you haven't got a chance.they have no idea what he's laughing about.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. . across two tiles. not quite centered to the room. Again -. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. Shane LAUGHS sharply. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. He feels the Groove. He takes a deep breath. Calmness comes to Shane's face. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. Shane he steps forwards. and do the Peter Panda Dance.

SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. from the ceiling. and he catches up with the minivan -. The Squad Car's lights flash on. he'd be toast. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. They have my mom. Don't follow me! .A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. ZOE Come on. If he'd been standing. EXT. Use the gas. his focus gone. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. imbedding itself where he was Shane is takes a while. they're FLYING. BUSY INTERSECTION . Zoe blows past have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. When he steps back -. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. 9 7. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. 5-0. and our bodyguard -. Inside is the Cute Cop. not the brake.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us.

I accept full responsibility. and speeds back towards her house. Zoe U-turns. Then better jump quick. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. concerned.. She shakes her head. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more.. in a cloud of smoke. nervously. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. Claire frowns. EXT. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. . SUBURBAN STREET . Following the chase. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. My intelligence proved to be faulty. at a safe distance. pool of liquid.. EXT. NECK-BRACE. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. sliding forward. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. almost running it off road. PLUMMER BASEMENT . The Squad Car is on its tail. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. the Minivan SPEEDS by. Squad Car turns around and chases her. Suddenly.. like there ain't no floor. It's acid. is Mr.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. INT. but if I had more resources. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. 98.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. SCHOOL .

He lands in front of THE SAFE. You were always my best man. Finally..we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you." He jumps. He nervously steps forward . almost done. The whole room goes SILENT. Chun to go first. She gestures back: you go. The Booby Traps are disarmed.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. And you betrayed all of that. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. The safe's red light turns green. He holds his breath just in time. Bill looks around. and jump to the left. Whew. Bill takes a breath -. pulling Julie along. Shane scowls.. Mrs. 99. sir. and jumps back. Bill signals for Mrs.and walks across the room.he waves his hand over the floor. Chun follows. "Just hold your breath. BILL I'll take that as a "no. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. BILL Thank you. He's relieved -. Beat. What do you say -. disgusted." . Nothing happens. It's a stand-off. Bill shrugs. if you're willing to join up. to calm down) Almost done. BILL (CONT'D) You know. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Immediately. Shane. to the left of the HOLE. I knew you'd figure it out.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. All that we stand for. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance.

Relief. I think you better open it. MRS. Chun LEAPS onto his back. . BILL (CONT'D) . Bill LUNGES. BILL None requested. SHANE There will be no mercy. hitting Bill's arms. Mrs.. legs! He's crazed. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges.. shaking from the voltage. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Bill is incensed. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Reluctantly . Bill gestures to Mrs. He starts to reach for the dial. She turns it. You open it. unrelenting. SIZZLING. then catches himself. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. and touches the dial. Something's not right. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Shane shrugs.. I walked the floor first. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. trying to read Shane's poker face. but Shane gazes coldly. Chun doesn't budge.Mrs. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. Shane reaches for the safe. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Nothing happens. But suddenly Mrs.. then PUNCHES him in the gut. Full of himself... Chun reaches out.Bill turns to the safe. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. her hair on end. Bill is off guard. Chun. head.

tottering. ANGLE .! EXT. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. But he's unforgiving. kick. unable to gain her balance. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. Shane COLD-COCKS her. It's clear the both have the same training. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. Suddenly. stumbles backwards across the room. delivering a series of hard punches. Shane tumbles..O. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. SHANE . Shane shakes his head. Bill is charging him.. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Leering mercilessly. SHANE You're a. The Police Cars . connecting only occasionally.. landing on his back in front of the safe. then whispers/sings. PLUMMER'S STREET . They punch. which Shane deflects -. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.they tangle like pro's.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. spin. good night. Say. Shane struggles to lose her. Shane narrows his eyes..BILL He steps over Shane. SIRENS wailing. saved. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. She catapults. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. everyone is SCREAMING. He jumps to his feet. he drops and FLIPS her. She smiles. terrible neighbor. the wind knocked out of him. knocking her out. K. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. IN THE VAN. OOF! Bill tumbles. chase after.

She smiles at Shane. JULIE Thank you Shane. INT. It's finally over.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.. Shane steps out. with their hands raised. Now we can go back to our peaceful. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.. SECRET VAULT .. They look in silence. GHOST. The Kid spill out and run..and hits a tree. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. from the car. grateful. then look in the safe: Inside. Then -. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. smoke BURNING from the tires -. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. The kids clamber from the van.O. Whoa.SAME TIME Total commotion. But it's too late. then BRAKES. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Shane gently removes it. The van SKIDS.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. SHANE .101. The garage door raises. HOUSE . WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . Cops surround them.

and grabs the MR. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM..a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence.. Shane weighs his not so many options. triumphant. helpless. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -.a CRAZED SCREAM.. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. uh. Cops cover Shane and Julie. Shane spins. CUTE COP I said FREEZE.CUTE COP FREEZE. Nobody is sure what to do. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license.. Now. Julie and Shane Freeze. He scoffs. as he turns his head. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.S.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . Even Chun is amazed. He's disheveled and manic. Mr. Numerous. Chun stands inside the gate.. MR. Zoe. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. vaults onto Chun. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. Silence. ZOE But. 10 2. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. The Cops are unsure what to do. I suggest you call the FBI. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.. you're in a lot of trouble. CHUN (O. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. officer. But then -. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER...

Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. INT.B..I.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. 103. You're a one-man battalion.rocket launcher. CLOSE-UP . Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. he . GARAGE . AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. PLUMMER HOUSE .THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. F. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten.B..I. then walks off. CLOSE-UP . F . COP I think I'll call the FBI.I.LATER F. This chaos is unsolvable. that was nice work. ANGLE . Julie huddles with the kids. watching the FBI Agents work. AGENT Mr. Agent. swelling with pride. reaches for his radio. Shane examines it.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around.B. AGENTS swarm the area. Shane talks with an F. Wolfe. SHANE Just doing my job.I.B. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.

I'm on dry land. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. I'm kinda. re-conning the situation. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. Tyler. Zoe. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. then Julie found the key.. SHANE . The Plummers hug each other. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.. He looks at Claire.. here. from the safe.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. You're the superior office.. a letter. Todd. SHANE Well. I don't know.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close.. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. and gather around. And to tell the truth. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. Does it itch? Yes. say -.. I always have. 104.. Julie. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . Peter. Summer's almost here. A tear comes to her eye.Maui? .. and Julie notice.Yes. She sees. fallen onto the floor. EXT. He looks around: at the family. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Her siblings. On. Lulu -.I want to say: I love you more than anything. Shane looks at her.. You tell me. Mock-angry.

SHANE Ah. Guess you have to go now.Sir yes sir. For everything. He puts them down. squeezing them off the ground. baffled. sad. The Plummers all approach. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. Shane. Lulu turns to Shane. Your work here is through. Shane bawls -. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. A long beat. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. Thank you. I'm gonna . come here you. interrupting. He wipes his face.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. P ETER Love you..he hugs the whole family at once. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . She puts out her hand. to shake his.SHANE This is too much. LULU This is it... SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. He starts to head off.his medal. Zoe gives them a look -.. TIGHT . ZOE But. He squeezes her hand around it. SHANE Claire beams.he can't keep it in. Like he did. Julie looks up. 105.

Farewell. Claire: dressed to the nines." Hearts swell. Shane stands. Scott: in a suit. They all watch. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. his hair combed. even Murney. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. BACKSTAGE . You Are Sixteen begins. VICTORIA THEATRE. It's fantastic -. until he sits back down. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines." In the audience. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. Julie watches in astonishment.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for.a Michael Jordan dunk. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. the little Brownie Troop. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. She is surrounded by her children.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. The performers take their curtain . hit your marks. A STANDING OVATION. beaming with pride. Shane watches with bated breath. In SLOW MOTION. rapt. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Todd spins.

Shane smiles. Thundering applause.calls. Mission accomplished. THE END http://www. then giddily gesture Shane to come He humbly steps into view -. FADE OUT.-The. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.and the house goes crazy.imsdb. touched.html on December 9 2010 .

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