THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry

Karaszewki

March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --

retracting

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BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

EXT. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. when I say it. terrified. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles.. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. . he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth.. Up to his nose. they're almost out of ammo. to the roof.. ON THE DECK . hauling the Professor up.. PLUMMER How did you know where I. Shane removes his mouth piece. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. SHIP'S HOLD . him his oxygen.. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. But you have to do exactly what I say. One of our SEALS calls out to them. over his head. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. When it finally opens. United States Navy. I'm gonna get you outta here.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. My way -. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. but can't get free.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold.SIMULTANEOUS 4. As the water rises.no highway option. Plummer screams. INT. He cuts the Professor's GAG. He tries force the door open. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. He's gone.

Shane takes a deep breath. INT. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. HELICOPTER .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. clearly he loves this kind of day. OCEAN'S SURFACE .CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. 5. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. EXT. terrified. INT.The Seal calls out: "shoot more.. pulling the Professor in behind him. He . SHIP'S HOLD . HELICOPTER . holding the Professor. then disappear gracefully back into the water. more!" They do.. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. and pulls himself. Hold on. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . SHANE INT. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out.

Please.. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. CHARLES I'm safe. That was the most incredible. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. We have to keep moving.. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. PLUMMER Oh my God.beside him. I'm just not big on chit chat. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth... (then) Don't you have a family? 6. MOUNTAIN CLEARING .. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. the Professor looks terrified. . rotors whirling slowly. CHARLES Lieutenant. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. EXT. Not imperative to the mission. Lieutenant. thank you. I can't believe you. Charles stops Shane. waits. She thinks I'm dead.. how'd we. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. shutting him up. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick.

except for the phone and a family PHOTO. DEAD. All goes . that's my specialty. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code.. It's voice activated.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. PILOT sits. knocked unconscious..couldn't crack it.. PAVE HAWK . back to him. RUN!!! black. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. Designed it myself. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. INT. The briefcase pops open. WHAM. SHANE We're almost ready. I do security. Charles dials. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. Shane considers.. Shane drops. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. Lulu. Tyler. and talks. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead.. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case... puzzled.. Charles dials his cell phone. Peter. you want to see it? Negative. I'm alive. Todd... then hands him his satellite phone. I have a picture of my kids in here. Shane looks at him.Charles picks up his briefcase. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward.

despondent. and takes Charles' Briefcase. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire.V. He takes a long look at Shane. He holds a REPORT in his hand.friendly. And a good friend. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure.it hurts to salute. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. but he does it anyway. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.: Everything is a blur. SHANE'S P.. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. unassuming. A Huey Helicopter lands. Shane reaches out. sir. as the chopper ignites. PAVE HAWK . A VERY TALL MAN steps out.7. barely conscious. He sees Charles. His arm and face bandaged. Captain. There is huge explosion. unconscious. in slow-motion. You're the best man I ever trained. Everything is ablaze.. He looks around. SHANE . Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. Bill sits down beside the bed. EXT.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. HOSPITAL . BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. HOSPITAL . I know sir.O.

H. I. is still out there.SHANE He had to call his family. disconnects an IV.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. really. disappointed. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. SHANE Sir. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. and starts to rise.T.. Then. He can't believe his good fortune.. He called it G. SHANE The case was empty sir. I'm gonna need the mini sub.S. BILL Not a surprise. he pulls off bandages.. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. Shane sits up. .. as I stated in my report.a genius. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. BILL . appreciate your confidence. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. Bill shakes his head. and sits opposite Shane. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for.H. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.O.. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.S. 8. Bill considers this.T. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. Invigorated... (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.O. He pulls up a chair. It's not that kind of mission. G. Thank you..

. hearing the dead man's voice.S.) Honey. Shane is shocked. Shane Wolfe.. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. call Lt. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. I got a call from the professor's wife. The family's scared.. sir. Searched the place. He's a good man. anyway. Either way. I've never been very good with kids. sir. CUT TO: INT... I need someone to stay at that house. It's just that. Shane is surprised. I'll call you in an hour. I love you.T. intrigued.. (MORE) 9..Shane listens. Whoever killed the professor must think G. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.O. Widow. Not even when I was a kid sir.NIGHT . Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. I'm alive.H. presses play.S. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.. BILL The professor's wife requested you.if anything happens to me. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. maybe it isn't. BILL . I should go. and protect them... Maybe it is. SHANE'S APARTMENT . She told me someone had broken into her home. top to bottom. CHARLES (O. is in that house.

He reaches in. He looks at for a moment.) (before she sees Shane:) Look.Shane packs his duffel bag. He rejects it. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. Lulu eyes Shane. ready for anything.V. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk.then the door swings open. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. The sprinklers go off. Shane eyes Lulu. also identical to the one he wears. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside.and sees LULU. It SQUEAKS. night vision goggles. they all go in.. Shane's P.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. EMALE VOICE (o.. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM.. camouflage vest. Shane heads to the door. Hm. SUBURBAN STREET . Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). EXT. Shane double-checks the address. and pulls out a small. we're not interested. Shane looks like a bad ass. Shane frowns. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. Shane looks down -. peering up at him.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. 8.s. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. identical to the one he wears. machete. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. with toys all over the lawn.O. 10. . if you're with the Hare Krishnas. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the

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KIIIDDS!!!

JULIE

Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.

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JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-

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But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

it's Bill Fawcett. INT. 14.s. I have some potentially good news. Julie casually answers it. entersJULIE I'll be there. INT. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. Swiss law says only his family can access it. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Shane. Helga will . LIVING ROOM .Nighttime -. listening to the conversation. Julie and Shane share a look.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.the family eats dinner. through the kitchen window.NIGHT Shane. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. with her suitcase. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. BILL (o..MORNING stand hug Julie. This could all be over! BILL (o. I think it could contain GHOST. JULIE That's wonderful.. The phone RINGS inside.) Julie.s.s..) There's a catch.. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. We slowly pull out. Through the window. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property.

(Worried:) But if there is an emergency. chill.. it's my job to worry. No. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Helga will take care of everything else. I love you guys.handle everything. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do.. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. Plummer.. I'll be back in 48 hours.... I am a mom. are you licensed to kill? . do it. . Mrs... ZOE Mom -. And on the phone. H S . HELGA Everything will be fine. I'm gonna miss you. it's just. And on the back door. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. They'll be safe with me. SHANE Don't worry. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. And guys.we'll be fine..

HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship..he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN.. SHANE (CONT'D) . WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Shane shakes his head.s. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. pouring in Cheerios. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.WHRRP! Shane ducks. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. He shuts off the - .. I make bottle. on a short ladder.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. can't find him. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. INT. Immediately.NIGHT Shane. Shane heads down the hall. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.5.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. when in the corner of his eye -. elga stomps out. Gary suddenly FLIES by . A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. INT. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him.. Shane turns off the light.. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.NIGHT hane rushes in -.. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. You do something.. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.

Zoe! . runs off. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. Shane LIFTING him in the air. ZOE Okay.. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure.. tool. fine. come on Scott.window alarm and sneaks out silently. 16. PLUMMER HOUSE . Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. house like a marionette. S COTT .. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.. Shane runs. calling out from across the street. Zoe -. They both tumble to the ground.. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. jumps onto the trampoline. ZOE He's my boyfriend. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. He's dazed. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups.go back inside. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. but alright. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. SHANE Not with this kid. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. . Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. EXT..CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. I'll call you. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled.BACK YARD .

A simple misunderstanding. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . CHUN (perfect English.. CHUN . I INT. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. THE CHUNS. SHANE MRS.. Shane stands there. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. we own a bakery. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. Oh. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. The alarm stops.. SHANE My apologies. and we found this in our pool filter. huh baby-sitter? Mr. Oh. Shane's about to head inside. PLUMMER HOUSE . CHUN Thanks a bunch. Shane addresses them.NIGHT . MR..Zoe storms inside. fuming. We had an intruder.. no accent) We speak English. Look. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Sorry. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. The Alarm's still blaring. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. MR. pop their heads out. so we're up kind of early. Kojak..

But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. lower than the floor. Shane shuts her door. ZOE Who do you think you are -. She has to hop on one foot.hane marches Zoe up the stairs.) sing). Zoe falls backwards into the room. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.s. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. to not fall over. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. Loud. Bite me! Shane frowns. You should have told her the truth. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. continues down the hall. . S W 1 8. Shane flips her foot in the air. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Shane marches back down the hall.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. SHANE Not anymore. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger.

keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. In the bedrooms. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE . . She does.laugh and laugh. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. one step back. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. HOUSE . in bed -. just like the crabs do. warm orange light. Then jumps up. to their beds. T Z Z T 19.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. Peter in his bed. and do the Peter Panda Dance.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. then "crab-walks" sideways.groove. INT. Three steps forward. he wriggles on the floor. The Children. Shane shakes his head.

and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX.m.. 20 . not understanding what's happening. ODD It's Sunday. half-asleep and angry. Covering their ears. TODD'S ROOM . INT. carrying the crying baby.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. You're insane. oe is wrapped in blankets.. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. disoriented. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. L Move. Move.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Suddenly his door flies open -. HALLWAY .odd is out cold. Helga runs through in hair curlers. Todd blinks groggily. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. motionless. Todd pulls the blanket over his head.MORNING Todd sits up. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. like she's been electrocuted. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Not in front of the kids. S .

I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. in Romanian.LATER The children are assembled. L 21. lined up tallest to shortest. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.) Shane's jaw drops. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.he gives him a look of disbelief. shocked. KITCHEN . LULU ("copying" him) I said -.. Your behavior is unacceptable. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order.. sucking on a bottle.do you.. . ladies.do you. HELGA (She curses Again. INT.. No highway option.

Angry. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. Red Leader. S ULU (CONT'D) . SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. Touch that -.(pointing) Red 1. or you're dead. End of chain. Shane bounds up the stairs. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Red baby. INT. Everyone stares blankly -.. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. where's the older male? There were five. ZOE He's in his room.a tense silence. Everyone cracks up. P eter farted.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. I tell you what to do -.. Shane tries to maintain decorum. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula.. wait. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. but it's locked. He tries the knob. So you are -. Red 2.and you do it. The panic button is only for emergencies. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. ZOE I am not wearing that. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. He yells at her. Shane bangs hard on it.you better be dying. Now that I know I can't trust you. he's furious.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. SHANE Tracking devices. Never take them off.

a FLUSH.they glare at Shane.MORNING . PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. then CRASHES inward. He sees Shane.. patrolling. INT. He has to go. INT. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. Shane steps aside. hits Shane on the head. INT. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. Todd nods in agreement.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. to her room. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. and head down the hall. I can fix this. this wouldn't have happened. The entire frame collapses. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer.. A piece of the ceiling falls. If you'd been wearing it. Zoe comes up the stairs. and Todd comes sauntering back.LATER ZOE .. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. She stops at Todd's door -. HALLWAY . Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. Oops.. the destroyed door and wall.22. Down the hall -.

From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. he hears something suspicious -. Peter! screams. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. His head shifts.WHACK -. L S 23. LULU This house is haunted.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. Lulu hides behind Shane. Peter Booos again. He said there's a ghost. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. to see that Peter is chasing her. hard. Daddy even said so. clicks his alarm remote opens it.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. hey. PAPERBOY (O.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it.LATER . HALLWAY .the rumble of a car approaching. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. INT. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. He rushes for the front door. I don't know. Shane turns. And then it hits Shane.S. just as -. He pretends to be a ghost. Lulu SHANE Hey. wearing a towel as a sheet. Really? His eyes light up.

BANGING her head and ass on each step. F . Shane scans it. Then -. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. ZOE Here he comes. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.ZOE AND TODD . Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.. She screams. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. MR. carrying a huge laundry basket. all the way down. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. STAIRWAY . Zoe whispers. scanning the ceiling.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. feeling.. pushing. listening for hollow spaces. He RAPS again. I INT.a creak..! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.Shane walks slowly down the hall. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. T IGHT .. He goes back to the living room. Nothing. Searching. appears. as laundry flutters down from above. inally. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. When he hears an alert from his laptop. then turns his attention to his laptop... Todd and Zoe's faces fall. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash.

They wait patiently -. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. If we can't get some faster service. terrified. It's taking him a LONG time. I can't. mouthing along in FRENCH. we're going to have to file a complaint.They gulp.DAY Bill and Julie. looking jet-lagged. The Banker looks at him blankly. 25. SWISS BANK . He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. INT. He licks his finger again. BANKER Marcel! out. then licks his finger to turn the page. He feebly gets up. ZOE Uh-oh. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. . SWISS BANK . Not in Switzerland. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. this is an urgent matter. but can't get the page to turn. Bill can't stand it anymore. Then looks back to the paperwork. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. He seems to be about 100 years old. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd.DAY Establishing. EXT. He jumps to his feet.

He grabs her suitcase. heads to the door -. suitcases in hand.SAME TIME Helga. Oui. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. Shane moves for the phone. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. HELGA I am calm. QUACKING. SHANE (CONT'D) . But I can tell you -. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane picks up the receiver. Shane dives. He DRAGS her back. Peter's in the aquarium. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. RING! Amid the chaos.you will have access to the box tout-suite. The duck flies around. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. JULIE Thank you. MARCEL. enters. Suddenly. As she tries to wrestle it away. How long is that? INT. The suitcase handle breaks off. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. As soon as your background checks clear. I QUIT.Shane tries to block her path.Another Banker. remain calm -- 26. and Helga dashes for the door. grabbing her foot. the chief does not speak English. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas.

everything's fine. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. 27.. that landed on a diaper. CRUNCH. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Mrs. Shane hangs up the phone. against the counter. Just doing my. Mrs. HOUSE .Helga falls forwards. (covering the phone. Shane body-checks it closed. Plummer. He picks up his hand.. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Helga scampers out the door..Ah. and Shane falls back. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Shane lets go. Helga struggles to get him off. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Duty.. Plummer. EXT. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand.

baby cries. Helga glares back. if she loves you. Then -. The 28. listen up. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. He drops his head. ANGLE . LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon.. There's been a change of plans. In the meantime.. to find the kids are all gloomy.Helga jumps in the cab. ANGLE . dumbfounded. SHANE Okay. she'll come back.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief.SHANE Rises. in the rear window.he slowly glances up. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. HOUSE . TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. . Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. takes a deep breath and strides inside. we're just gonna have some more big fun.. defeated.. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry.CONTINUOUS Shane enters.

. holding his nose.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. And then -. your enthusiasm. All for one. SShane GROANS. SHANE Whoa. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. HEY! Even Peter runs. nice moment. inundated. INT. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. Using the tools as chopsticks. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. repelled. Pure self-preservation.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. BATHROOM . he cautiously unfastens the diaper.. Nobody will help. I'm Navy. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.SHANE He gulps. CLOSE-UP . then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. everyone bolts from the room. Until -.it flops open. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. 29.. Only then can we rise to the challenge. takes a deep breath.

she just stares at him. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. SHANE (unsure how to respond.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. . 30. Shane tries approaching -.SHANE The things I do for my country. over and over and over. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Lulu is in her pj's. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. he looks around for a solution.) Thank you. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt.. like a puppy. HALLWAY . I think you're cute. She follows.. Aghast. he looks down to see Lulu.he can't do it. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. Lulu doesn't go away. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. Lulu follows at his heels. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. INT. LULU Hi. then FLUSHES.

little girl.it's time for you take a nappypoo. All the lights are out. pulling down the shades on every window. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. Shane smiles. I can get lots more of those. all the kids asleep. like he's an idiot. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar.BREAKFAST . SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. The Kids stare at "breakfast. INT. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed." dubious. Todd. Lulu looks at him. 31.Shane walks room to room. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. and patrols.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. . in beddibye land. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. KITCHEN . Shane breathes a sigh of relief. The kids sit down at their designated spots. And I've survived off this stuff for months. proud of his accomplishment. and shuts off her light. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -.

SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. dancing. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.. Shane answers. If I say in.. Shane turns to Lulu. if I say out. ZOE He's only two. Wanna see? Negative. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey.. Your mama -... Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. Peter stands in his chair. He runs away. So -. And the phone rings. trying to hear over the screaming. (then:) Yes. you stay in. LULU . We're gonna pull together. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. Shane sighs. I can cross my eyes. then at Tyler -. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. ladies... too...here's how it's gonna be. one for all. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane.. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about... all for one. you go out.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. . crying.is not here to take care of you now. Peter starts bawling. I don't have any idea what you're talking about.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.

SHANE Not on my watch. It hits ZERO. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . Shane fumbles with it for a while. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. He said if you're late again. EXT. GARAGE .h... backwards at sixty m. With your . It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. sir. GARAGE .MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. Across his chest. perfect parallel park.. It just doesn't add up. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. He wants to see you in his office. Oh.9:29 A... INT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb.. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. Zoe smiles at him.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. He hangs up. LULU We're gonna be late. innocently. The Minivan skids completely sideways.. dramatically unveiling Shane. and at that . you and Todd are expelled. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. INT.a death defying. EXT.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive.. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. I know it's Monday.p. yes. legal guardian. A big suburban school.M. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. into a TINY parking spot -." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Thank you.

Lieutenant. too. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter.. whatever work you can get. they needed a parole officer. as he plays on the floor. assured. conduct and truancy. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. He's HUGE and mean. Murney is furious. tough. He withers. I'm in charge of watching these kids for.P in charge of discipline. mortified.moment. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. I'm Murphy. Looks like Mrs. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. a few days. The Kids crack up. I coach wrestling. Out of twenty-three. Well. V. She's attractive. Duane. They're the worst students in my school.. You're in my house now. He glares at Shane. Plummer finally listened. Shane. The Kids are seated around him. boy. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Top to bottom. . holding Peter on a harness. K thru 12. son? SHANE Wolfe. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). Murney is unimpressed.

34. Principal Claire eyeballs him.two little red DOTS move away. Red 2. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads.and suddenly reacts. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. impressed. What are you doing in my office. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . The teens hustle off to their classes. Plummer. The opens the door for Murney... staring him up and down.Good morning kids. I think I can handle this from here. as he casually holds the three kids. (then. Lieutenant... that as vice principal. Get moving. Good.. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. fuming. Plummer called my captain. He exits. SHANE Red 1. I am in charge of. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. BELL rings. She told me all about you. Shane checks his TRACKER -. You see. Claire sees this -. Mrs.

SHANE . A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. Courage. Welcome aboard. She lifts her pants leg.MID-MORNING seeShane... Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". Service paid for my college.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. SHANE . dead serious. to balance Shane. SHANE Can't be too careful. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles.. and the way I run my school.(Shane nods. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . On the spot. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. That's the way I live my life. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.. The 35. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted... JUMP CUT TO: EXT. Just try not to frighten the children.. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. Claire looks nervously around. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. SHANE "Honor. So..

O. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.V. with stern intensity. Todd. like a tether ball. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. Shane closes the computer.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Black Hawk coming in.. sitting in the back row of a class.O. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Official Business. one. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness.Clean as a whistle. SHANE Give up now. Save us both a world of pain. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. picks up a pair of binoculars. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. BINOCULARS P. . turns her back to him embarrassed. INT. Lulu sees Shane and waves. 36 . Zoe. CAFETERIA . does the same. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle.. yanks his hood over his head.V. He turns to the person front of him. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Beside Shane. He checks his tracking device.. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. delighted. two.last time: Open the hanger. Now -. in line to get lunch. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Todd.. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat.

with milk. When you agreed to serve your country. . Principal Claire smiles. (she looks at his chair) Well. A whole day. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. I guess. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray.. SHANE Hey -. Mr.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. (she toasts.I out rank you. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. you don't. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. ignoring him.but you're pretty good at this.. Claire smiles. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Tyler laughs. Can I call you Shane? . Sure. lieutenant.Tyler gurgles.. man. huh? Shane gives her a look.. Oh. I'm impressed.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. you know.) Shane. Seriously. He yanks Tyler away from him. Shane sighs. You're on dry land. 37.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. not so dry where you're sitting. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble.

VP Murney is watching. unusual. Personally . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. and the sound of Students in an uproar. MURNEY He did. in the crowd. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. MURNEY You heard the lady. cheering. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. INT. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.. LUNCH-LINE . (Todd) 38. I don't care who starts it. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. As soon as they see the Principal.. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Zoe. and "punches fists" with him. Look at him. impressed. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. but not stopping it.. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. next week's tournament is off. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling..That's. Murney smirks. the crowd freezes.

flinch. Boys'll be boys. Maybe you could stop by practice. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. SHANE . That's right. Todd lunges at him. Maybe some other time then. SHANE . Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. MURNEY Oh.. sticking the landing. 39 . promise I'll go easy on you. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -.. Nice moves. MURNEY Pretty slick..total control..I'm a black belt myself. The Bell rings. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Murney approaches Shane. He'd kill you so fast. what do you say? Come on. (low. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. the crowd breaks up. stopping an inch from Shane's head. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. . to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here.Todd lands on his feet.I think that's a little harsh. yeah. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Sorry. sir. Don't even think it... Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. Frogman -. man. I'm on duty. Murney. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.

Roger that. Have fun. INT..INT. Then Shane smells what she means -. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . Uh. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. Tyler is crying. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Lt. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. He bursts though it. Shane recoils in disgust. doing a shoulder roll. It leads him to a door. following his tracking device. for one who'll eat. But. 40. Bathroom's down the hall.. The Principal strolls up. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. and not cry. Just then. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. another dollar twenty. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Panicked. minus taxes. SHANE Oh -.Tyler's diaper is full. Emergency! SHANE INT. Not my job.CONTINUOUS . SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box.. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. holding Tyler out like a grenade..2:55 Shane looks exhausted. as he keeps watch.. SCHOOL HALLWAY . Peter is asleep in his shoulder..change him. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY .

I INT.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. SHANE EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE . EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. He leaps out of the minivan. He hands her to the Principal.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. almost tipping the minivan. but the FINAL BELL rings.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. Shane makes a right.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. Thanks.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . racing down the road ahead of Shane. 41. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. At that moment. Shane lands in fight stance -. EXT. He blasts through a red light. HALLWAY .a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.the Class applauds. through the fence.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. Lulu is in front of the class. Shane is furious. are heading away from the school fast. EXT. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. BUSY INTERSECTION . IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . with the Panic Button in her hand. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. He speeds away after them. They make a sharp right.

section.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. then checks the tracker -. then checks his tracker. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. He takes a deep breath and dives under.then RUN.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. Shane lowers himself down. you're about to get a beat down. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. IN THE MANHOLE . It's horrific. INT.SHANE He's alone. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. . and the sound of OMINOUS. SQUISHY footsteps. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. all brandishing tools. Shane trudges through the river of muck. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. ANGLE . SEWER . INT.then gasps -. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.the DOTS are CLOSE. and charges through. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. feet away. Three Workers rush him.LIVING ROOM . Shane easily takes them out.It's dark and dank. Shane pries off the manhole cover. From outside. No sweat. He winces. He catches his breath. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. they hear the front door open.

LATER Tyler is in a high-chair.. use our nonemergency number. Zoe fixes her hair. . but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. revealing Shane. Zoe checks him out as he goes. Ditto. If you need anymore help. BATHROOM .Then the door swings open. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. The smell is BAD. with a smirk.. he doesn't say anything. Call.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. then covers their noses. The Cop looks at them. thank you. . The Cop leaves. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. KITCHEN . CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.. The Cop turns to Shane. 43 INT. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. (into his radio:) Cancel that a... She practically GAGS as she passes him. BACK YARD . CLAIRE I should probably get going then. Todd stiffens. INT. Covering her nose. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. INT. weird hair. Everyone gasps.p. 16 year old female.LATER Shane is in the shower.b. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. looking like a Swamp Creature. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing.

He looks at it. pulling Lulu after him. Mom's our den mother. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. LULU We have to. it's Monday. And it's not like I have any other friends. they're staring at him. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. They won't be home `til ten.S. The Brownies applaud. Lulu starts to sniffle.Shane enters. (whispers:) Come on. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. SHANE (O. Shane.a dozen little girls in uniforms. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room.all junk food. in just a towel. They already think I'm a loser.. and whistle. If we don't sell enough cookies. cringing in disgust. He sees on the fridge. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . 4 .) Get rid of them. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. You gotta help me out. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. INT. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. FAMILY ROOM .CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop.. 4. we can't go the Jamboree. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. close to tears. LULU I can't. Monday.

at attention.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. KITCHEN . he's a total psycho. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. Shane sighs. He's not just locking them -. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. unpacking boxes of cookies. INT.wait here.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. They are assembled. LIVING ROOM . Tonight. ZOE . I'm scared of you. I'm gonna be your den -commander. then drills it into place. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. BROWNIE Den Mother? . ZOE'S BEDROOM . INT." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. Shane blows passed her... SHANE Alright. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. back in "uniform.. yeah. Zoe's on the phone. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it.MOMENTS LATER Shane. the other to his back. getting ready to go. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow..Lulu's about to burst into tears. Indian Style. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. ladies. SHANE Good. INT. do as I say.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. .. Here's how it's gonna be.. Now -.

. nuts?" EXT. the camera CRANES up to. 4 EXT. NOTHING looks familiar -. but if anything happens. GROCERY STORE ..PARKING LOT ."what are you.nothing even looks like food..MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. I dunno if that's a good idea. Snack packs.. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. he's got us on lock-down. it's like Oz or something.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. as he pushes a cart into the store.5. EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. He sees: a huge. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. He looks around at the bright.. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. He smiles. I can see you through the window... hits speed-dial. DRIVEWAY . EXT. ZOE . (she listens:) Hm. INT... SHANE I gotta get supplies.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. GROCERY STORE . GROCERY STORE . ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. Zoe picks up the phone. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. GROCERY STORE .. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. No.. Tyler looks at him -.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. Scott. but they're .

chubby CUB SCOUTS. before I get my face punching badge on you. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. The Cub Scouts high-five.. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. but can't get away.. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. One of the Brownies spots something.noticing very shy. menacingly. GROCERY STORE .. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. they're back. 46 BROWNIE Oh no.she tugs and tugs. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. you Skeever? .. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. .but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. They're headed straight towards the cookie table.. I haven't seen anybody. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. Finally. clutching their boxes.. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. and lets her go. He laughs. He rips it open. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. One The Brownies take off running.

He firmly tells Lulu. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. PARKING LOT . and points at Lulu's Panic button. Not cookies. Around his neck. 47. Get in the car. CHUCK E. He wears . BROWNIES No! Shane stops. I'm here to protect you. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. CHEESE . He heads toward the Scouts. Where? SHANE INT. trembling. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -.22's. EXT. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. Cheese MANAGER. The Brownies are huddled behind it.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E.A LITTLE LATER . Shane's monitor starts beeping. If I don't come back -avenge my death.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. we're going home. you're supposed to take us to dinner. The Brownies scream. He bends down.2ND SCOUT Nope. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal.

braces and head-gear. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. Cheese automaton band JAMS.. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. The Manager approaches Shane. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. this much cyanide.. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. Shane's watching Peter.. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. A LITTLE LATER: 48. the Chuck E. Cheese! Wider reveals.. skee Brownies are running around. On stage. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. which causes him to lisp. playing video games and ball. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. Lulu approaches.. This much The Manager laughs.CHAOS. .

SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. I thought you liked combat. Lulu picks a small female character. SHANE That's not fair. stretches. then cracks her in half over his knee. Shane even get one punch in -. Round three starts. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. He's really mad. Lulu screams out with her fighter. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. kneels on his head. . spins her. Shane is taking it really seriously. Then he a joy stick. He cracks his knuckles.. LULU The Hulk can. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. They begin. and then a kick in the face.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air.she pins him to the ground. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Unless you're scared. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 .LULU I pressed two player. then kicks him in the face. My joystick's broken. The second round starts. He checks over his shoulder -. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. He steps up to the machine..

CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone... INT. She keeps dancing.stop worrying.. jumping. swing and a miss. oops too slow..CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. Shane's working the joy stick hard. it's my job to worry. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.LIVING ROOM . Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. Sparks fly. leaving the sizzling machine.. He is KO'd.. its joystick dangling by its wires. INTERCUT WITH: INT.. HOTEL ROOM . swinging and missing. PLUMMER HOUSE . come on -. Shane's really fuming. slamming buttons. ZOE Mom -.. He and the Brownies sneak away. LULU You're not even trying. dancing.. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. It's really annoying. Lulu's having fun now. LULU Too slow..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.. 50. but he can't hit her.take a shot.. ZOE . while he pounds the buttons. the Zhouse is quiet... SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.

ZOE Dude. The guy's just a control freak. this is outta hand. everything's cool.. we're okay. ZOE I know. up. Don't worry. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. 51. She turns to Scott. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. And the folks who read my BLOG.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. kids everywhere. I love you. MALL PARKING LOT . Zoe rolls her eyes. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. but you know I have to do this.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.The Plummer House: . counting them. JULIE It's only a few more days. EXT. I hate leaving you. .Seriously.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). not cool.in my cell.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED.. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE .LIVING ROOM . VARIOUS SHOTS . Tonight I'm just doing homework -. INT. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. ZOE Dude. who doesn't seem concerned at all. PLUMMER HOUSE . we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. loads Brownies into the minivan.

LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. He holds his breath.for a long time. CHEESE . is fine.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.they almost always do. The Manager is watching him.. CHUCK E... except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. gasping. move! Go go! EXT..LATER . Whoa. again. SHANE Inexcusable.Move.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives.not okay. He's holding the diaper. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. Shane grimaces. Not okay. freestyling in the ball pool -. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. INT. S 52. Suddenly. move. He charges across the room with the diaper. He disappears under the balls -. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. the Brownies follow. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. SUBURBAN ROAD .. and goes down for the diaper. SHANE . The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. MANAGER Relax. Silence. out away from him. to leave a man behind like that. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. We see what he forgot: PETER.. He's still down there.

then CRUSHES the ball. as he pulls up in the Minivan. a total wreck.. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. 53. Shane takes Lulu. Scott.'s turntables. He gets out -.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Party's over. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. peeing in the bushes. then RUN.KITCHEN . Peter and Tyler up the path. Outraged.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. Now.. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D..J. chugging drinks. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.. Reeling. INT. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound..CONTINUOUS Inside is worse.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. PLUMMER HOUSE . He protectively guides them past the craziness -. jocks throwing footballs.. making out. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. vents. Shane snatches it mid-air -. at a full run. windows. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't.. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. trying to understand.. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. scared. we're gonna do this . CLUB lock off the door.and groans in disbelief. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. EXT.

Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. in Playtex gloves. Scott gulps . INT.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.my way -. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing.. He holds it up to a KID. he takes it off.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. trying to maintain his dignity. ladies. Miserable TEENS scrub. furiously clean. residue. It reads: GHOST. through binoculars. labeled with a Sharpie. Shane goes over them. Oh my god. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever.. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. CUT EXT. He fumes. and walk out of sight. They see Shane find the CD. In a bathroom. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers.no highway option.CONTINUOUS . as kids clean. Shane's eyes narrow. INT.. Scott and Zoe. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .then he notices something. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. Clean. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. PLOP. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. He lifts the sofa.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. mopping. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S.. PLUMMER HOUSE ... He hands Scott the mop. straightening -.

ueasy. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. outside the bathroom door. where she throws up. Scott's the last one to leave. Zoe blows past him -. you hate us. Rambo. Shane stands. Thanks a lot. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. After a beat. You're like a robot.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. INT. and screams in Shane's face. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. sits down. ZOE I do too respect myself. furniture polished. Lulu's crying.. CUT TO: EXT. Zpounding on doors. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops.into the bathroom.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket.. My friends will never come here again..ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. helpless. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. shaky and furious. They show no respect for you or your house. Zoe gets up. (Announces:) Company. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. ZOE .. Shane . PLUMMER HOUSE . PLUMMER HOUSE . Todd picks her up. she pukes again. downstairs! He walks down the hall. He heads upstairs. Shane hands her a handkerchief. Because you have no respect for yourself. Lulu and Todd step into the hall.

talking doesn't do any good. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. Suddenly. Wielding with great skill. I'm gone.. Red 1.the three fight. Not even from the enemy.the power goes out.. SHANE You're right. pounding him with their . Shane spins in fight-stance. He goes down.they're good. I'm not the man for this job.. close-quarters and fast. tired) It's Scott... SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. fiercely -. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall.55. They leap down after him. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. as soon as your mom comes back. all in black BURST in through the window. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. NINJA GHOST -.hand it over! staffs. Go to your rooms. Suddenly -. Don't worry. SHANE Puberty. TWO NINJAS. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. The Ninjas attack. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it.

fiercely. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. toys fly.knocking him into.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. With his foot. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. The Ninjas move towards him -. several FURBIES hit the floor. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. and uses them both to fend off blows. he hits a Ninja in the head. and grabs it.. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. Shane runs to the changing table. Shane crashes down. PLAYROOM .. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. 56 INT. Shane fends the Ninjas off.. SHANE Okay -. and flings them all over the floor.. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. They step back. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. it makes a silly thunk.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. WHACK. He pulls the string. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. blinding him. facing them.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over.. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. .then the Ninjas charge. a squeezes . avoiding Legos.

ANGLE . . He runs to the broken window.? SHANE They're looking for a program. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength.then the door creaks open. The cloud dissipates.SHANE 57. He really hugs them... The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. INT. He sprays it in Shane's face. He hugs them.. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.. bawling. Shane approaches Zoe's door..Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. quietly knocks. Then.. It's okay. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. blinded. Todd and Zoe enter. Shane bangs the window sill. KICKING a Ninja in the chest.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. He A long pause -. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. SHANE It's safe. Shane isn't sure what to do. Kids. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. disappointed to have lost them... fearful. that your father invented. TODD Who were they? What did they want.. and Shane sees he's now alone. terrified. SHANE Shhh. HALLWAY . He squints. You can open up. he hugs Peter and Lulu..

From now on. and do what I say.. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. it's been a long night.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer.. as long as I'm here.. LIVING ROOM . They want this.. relieved. Zoe answers it. Then. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. "Unchained Melody. INT. SHANE They're not after you. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. Then." And then..okay? Zoe and Todd nod.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us.they all jump. He looks Zoe. Soon. 58. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. startled. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Deal? Truce -.a long pause.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC.then they hug him. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. all smiles. The kids shudder. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. eye to eye. I'll listen to you too. But nothing's gonna happen to you. They hug him tighter. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. the other kids join in. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. Shane is furious -. They shake -. absolutely nothing pottery . And I'm not going anywhere. Shane offers his hand to shake. CLOSE-UP . (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. you listen to me.. too.

SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. SCHOOL . yes and no. Shane takes the phone.MORNING Early morning. SHANE No .. Nope.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59.we'll be just fine. but they didn't find it. It looks like some kind of "key". . The minivan pulls up. and Shane emerges with the five kids. SHANE (very genuine) . They're gone. Don't worry -.. everyone's fine.So soon? We were just starting to have fun.. SHANE Mrs. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days.. But we're not sure what it is.happened you should worry about. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. They were looking for GHOST. students run in to school. Plummer. You have any luck? JULIE Well.it's okay. We just don't know what its for. EXT. INTERCUT: INT.. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. She holds up the strange. HOTEL ROOM . two men tried to get into the house tonight. metal two pronged KEY. We found something in the box..

They look concerned.DAY Driver's Ed. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. she wrecked a driver's Ed. Lulu's classmates all chant." Then.. He dips an INT. LULU'S CLASSROOM .MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. Shane stands off to the side. An obstacle course with cones. EXT. SHANE Don't worry. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. mortified. LULU'S CLASSROOM . then BRAKES. ANGLE on Shane. So. car -..INT.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). sunglasses on. a crazed TEACHER next to her. ANGLE on Lulu. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. He is gesticulating. Peter 60 She smiles. Murney stands. I know it's good. MURNEY . Zoe sits in a folding chair. who sits in the back.. HITS the gas. shaking his head.she'll pay for the damage. making a mess of an egg. reacting each time she HITS the gas. squashed at a little desk. SCREAMING. egg in some purple dye. "yeah. and smiles at Shane. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. . THE GYM . Shane nods. Principal Claire next to him.. then BRAKES.

He does always miss sixth period... MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.yes. and Shane walks them out. Zoe shrugs.That? Lady drivers.. Murney calls into the hallway. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought..it's the boy.... Shane scowls. what do you expect.. Todd enters. And that's not all. it's not that -. Shane gives Zoe a look. No. but -... what's going on. Todd and Zoe stand to go.but this is just sick. giving him a "skinhead" look. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. Shane stops. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. and I'm not sure what to do. SHANE He's not a NAZI.) See if you can talk to the boy. (pulls Shane aside. . in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. 61. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. boys will be boys -. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal.I'm a bit concerned. I was doing a little recon in his locker. But this.

MURNEY It's a date then. and keeps walking. I promise I won't hurt you. and leaves. Murney laughs. if you ask me. as he passes.that whole family's no good. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. SHANE I'll talk to him. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. and leaps at Shane. and Murney chases after him.. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. huh? (Shane ignores him. we'll give these boys a treat. SHANE Another time.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. kicking him in the BACK.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up.. MURNEY You're a good man. maybe. Shane walks the kids out. Kung team: Shane walks away. stretching. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. Shane. Shane trips forwards to his knees. I'll show you a couple moves. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . Without warning. 62.

but instead he takes a deep breath. Keep all doors sealed. Shane parks.. Shane hops out the window. On the corner. Nothing. He enters. with a flowered basket. It looks like Shane might fight. INT. EXT. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. and leaves. and snickers to his Team. peering out her window. Shane looks out the window -. he can see Todd. signal me. TODD'S ROOM . I want to talk to you. PLUMMER HOUSE .far down the block. running around the corner.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. SHANE Wait Todd. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. He starts to shut the window. but he .shakes Shane turns back. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. so the alarm didn't go off. SHANE Smart kid. do your homework. you're in charge. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. It's small for him. preheat the oven. Todd runs towards the house. keeping the contact. Shane screws the window shut. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. The window is wide open. It's pink. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Murney his head.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. He sees Zoe.. but the Duck leaps up on the sill.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .

inside.

DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.

65.

And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

TODD . He smiles. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Shane shakes his head. weird or something? 66 .. Shane looks at the Cast. girls'll think I'm..only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around.. Shane's glare. they quickly assemble on stage.. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.. BEAT. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling... they're not sure what to do.. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.. Todd looks up at Shane. Todd looks devastated -.What if.. show's off.. it's over. or not? Everyone nods. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling... Chicks dig guys who can dance.. Shane straightens up. SHANE COMPANY -. LIESL We don't have a director. Liesl chimes in. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.

. LULU'S ROOM . angrily. SHANE Okay.LATER . PLUMMER HOUSE . I promise. Scott. INT. He peeks in -. BREAKING something. INT.. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.. YES WHAT? SHANE . He turns out the light.. Shane exits. SHANE . I called him in his room.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. another girl picked up the phone.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. I know it's no big deal. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR.. It's stupid.. furious. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing.. He hears Zoe in her room...UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I won't touch him.Yes. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. ZOE .. I don't know why I let it get to me. No wait! .

Shane tucks Lulu into bed. To find a secret gnome. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.. Once there was a family of Elves. As Shane finishes the story. he illustrates. ULU Tell me a story.. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.... Shane looks at her surprised. Uranium.Uh..so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. Let's see. (MORE) T S L 8.. I 6 . the little Elf family -. The elves had to go in and take it out. Went into the magic forest. and they came in from the north. facility.... SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. So -they waited for cloud cover. Stumped. on Lulu's floor. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. He sits on the bed. setting up the scene with DOLLS.

Shane sighs... Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. SHANE Oh. lower than the floor.mean standing. I can't remember that thing. And not one Elf got left behind that day. .. Peter starts bawling. and whispers to Peter. the teeniest little elf of all -.. TODD I'll write it down for you. He made it up for him. Even. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .. TODD You have to do the dance. head in the door. The wails get louder and LOUDER....... or he won't stop. Lulu's fallen asleep. NURSERY . Like dad used to do. Peter WAILS. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.. from across the hall... We got `em all. c'mon. S 69. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Todd calls from the doorway.. And you ain't got a chance. and do the Panda Dance. Then. INT.Rodriquez.

The Kids sit bolt upright. (He does. staring. through the mirror.MORNING .MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Chun gets his paper. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. He sings again. They turn to Zoe.. She gets out in shock. Chun. Shane. Humiliated. Peter applauds. SHANE Today you drive. Shane crab-walks sideways. with her Gameboy. Lulu is next to him. PLUMMER HOUSE . (Tyler in the snuggle). S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Shane hops forward three times.. T the A 70. GARAGE . Shane turns and catches Mr. . just like the crabs do.) EXT. terrified. He does the dance as he sings.. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. and gets in the driver's seat. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. mortified. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back.Shane sighs. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT..

The Kids share a dubious look. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me.. Zoe is surprised.I can't even pass driver's Ed. S P . Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. but trying not to show it. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light.. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. not the road. Exactly. Lulu and Todd are terrified. Shane is shaky. INT. Shane is nervous. MINIVAN . The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span... Touched. jerkily. Keep going..CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. no. I trust you.ZOE But -. She pulls out. Zoe backs jerkily out..

Before Scott knows what's happened. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. CAFETERIA . She's wearing a cute dress. Shane lets him down and heads into school. EXT. Claire strides into view. INT. Shane's .. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. and a little make-up.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). trembling. KIDS boisterously run past. Shane unclenches his teeth.. severe stare) Now. Broken promises lead to broken legs.. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Shane spots something. with a few FRIENDS. Shane jumps out of the car. laughing. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Suddenly -. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Scott's terrified.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Next lesson. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . being obnoxious. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Zoe smiles. terrified.. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Very funny. Chastened.Claire BARKS out. ZOE Ha ha ha.71. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. SHANE Good. hey head into the school. 1500 hours.

S he sits beside him. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. He smiles back. Wow. SHANE hey eat in silence. Love it when he does that. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. impressed. Suddenly. dragging .. too. Shane leaps over the table.eyes alight." In one move. S T P . and offers him a milk. Principal Claire sighs "not again. She smiles. sailor? Thanks. Shane`s not so good at small talk. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them.. It's a miracle. you never know who you're going to run into.. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today.. something. She's waiting for him to say.. him by the ear..

Talk. now it all makes sense.. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. intimidated. Todd looks.Murney shoves Todd forward.. Murney gets up in Shane's face. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria.. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Then: TODD I am not scared. It opens Friday. Freak? The Students snicker.. MURNEY I've had it. Murney turns around. I. . MURNEY Winners never quit. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake.. TODD Hey. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Murney. I want to sing. M 73. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. No one's sure they heard him right. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Yeah I do. Silence. boy.. I'm right here. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. I quit. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. What're you so scared of.

Let's do it. humiliated. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. Murney looks around. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. There is a stunned moment -. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. The whole team wants to quit.face to face. Todd's telling the truth. He storms out. They look to the ground sheepishly. TODD There is a man in my house -. Murney did not expect to be called out. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. swarm Todd. it's scary S 74. The Gym.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -.it reads: .Shane steps them. Everyone is watching. taking flyers. You win. You suck. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. M urney looks over at the Team.me. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -.and then a mob of Students. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. So calm.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. furious -URNEY So -. Your ass is mine. His voice cracks -.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. protecting him.

S 75. 3:00. shocked. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. The bleachers are PACKED. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Murney bounds to his feet. mumbling something.BAM. rushes Shane. and sweeps Murney -. WHAM. Shane side-steps. grabs onto Murney's waist.3:00 mat. Todd cheers Shane on. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Shane throws an arm around Todd. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. M URNEY on. Todd flops to the mat." INT. GYM . raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane.sending him right into the wall."Murney's getting his ass kicked. quietly twitching on the ground. hard. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Murney. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Murney lands on his back. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . and they head out.

No brownies edible. When I Rwanda. I got my troops waiting. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. LULU We're Brownies. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. 76 SHANE either. .Dislocated nerve. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . They walk out. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. Todd. too. fascinated.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. She gives him a thumbs up. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. BUGS. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. FOREST . TODD That was awesome. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. TO: EXT. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. If you're not sure. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. Claire. that's all. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. The crowd cheers.

It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. PUNCH.. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT." INT.. here at the top of the stairs.fascinated.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. PLUMMER HOUSE . KICK. the Girls PUNCH. OLD FACTORY . He laughs at his own joke. In unison.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. The Duck watches all this -. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. Shane holds a stopwatch. MALL PARKING LOT . He illustrates the stage directions. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. he reaches out and rocks it. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. MALL PARKING LOT . by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.she hits EVERY ONE -. The Kids don't get it. she burns rubber.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. KICK. Zoe .. He signals her. INT.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.FRONT LAWN . EXT. and.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. EXT..we'll put Von Trapps here. NURSERY . in perfect tempo. PUNCH. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. here. in between punches...

OLD FACTORY . she only clips one.. ODD .FRONT LAWN . mercilessly. your life little girl.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. INT. MALL PARKING LOT . in we WIDEN back. NURSERY .. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.out and weaves the cones. Shane gives her a signal." Lulu. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. blur. it teeters.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.DAY -"1. EXT. The Brownies attack... He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. He counts begins wriggling free. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. Hands a T . PLUMMER HOUSE . she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.2. but doesn't fall..BACK YARD ... They watch closely. T I E 77.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. INT.. EXT.3.

huh? Now. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Graceful. Then he tucks Peter in. But sweet dreams.he's got it down." Singing and doing all the moves -. adding a James Brown flourish. He does a spin kick. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. but blows it. Shane is so touched. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. Peter. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Peter Panda. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. NURSERY .hard. Peter. He kisses Peter on the forehead. daddy.EVENING . INT. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. SHANE I'm not your daddy. 8. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. Again. Todd tries the kick. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Graceful.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. he almost bursts into tears. THUD! Gazelle. now and then. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. odd tries the spinning kick. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.

. FORMATION. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door.they LAUGH. the Chubby Cub Scouts. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. proud. he lands on the ground hard. scary. 9. see them.MOMMY! She lets him go -. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.in a FLIP. striking a cool pose. As he's comparing prices -.. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . You're gonna have to pay for that. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. He smiles. but like lightning. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. In one move. INT. wearing the double snuggle. she wraps it around his arm. Across the lot. S SHANE That's my troop. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. The . 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. the Other Scouts are scared. tying him.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. at their own table. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you.he sees. The Scout struggles. The Scouts share a look -. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N

80.

- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z

Z

S

1.

8

SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT .CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. ANGLE . J 82. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. BACK YARD . HOTEL . talking excitedly. Shane answers it. INT.soldier. OE I never even got to say good bye. HALLWAY . the kids are all abuzz. WITH: J INT.SHANE He's left alone. She throws her arms around Shane.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. we're on the first plane in the morning. happy. EXT. The phone rings. A tear runs down Zoe's face.

Gary's foot is caught in a grate. the Duck starts quacking.. Three squares a day. unblinking.The house is dark. Shane sits in a lawn chair. your wings aren't clipped. INT. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Kids to play S . with. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. He pets the Duck..NIGHT hane turns the light on. Shane turns. he Duck stares. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. GARAGE . No reason for personal attachments. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. SHANE Just another assignment. Suddenly. Shane sighs morosely. hane rises. Gary sits in the next chair. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON.

No hinges or cracks. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off.. shines it down the grate. only It's solid and inscrutable. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. and then it gives. Nothing.. He's been trying.. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. he floor opens. . He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. BOTTOM OF STAIRS .. Shane looks on stunned. GARAGE .MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.SHANE What happened.. DISSOLVE INT. INTERC UT: B harder. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. Lulu hands him a tool. TO: to S 84. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. we see a CRANK WHEEL.. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. INT. He tries muscles rippling. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. The Kids are watching his progress. Shane steps down it. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye.. unsuccessfully. crack the lock all night. The wheel spins.. leading below the garage. Shane dials a phone. The break in its surface is a strange.

Do you have it? SHANE No. pleased..MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. Then we slowly MOVE UP. he answers it. sir. TO: INT. TO: INT.Lulu. Through a window. GHOST.. Away from Shane.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure.EXT. SEDAN . don't do anything further. It's in a steel vault. GARAGE . ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work.. Except for -. and hangs up. We'll be there shortly -. MRS. W e PUSH INTO the house. towards the neighbor's house. BILL . relieved. I've been trying all night. CHUN CUT BACK . An ominous pause... excited. Julie sits beside him. can't crack it. GARAGE .don't do anything `til I get there.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Okay. Everyone reacts happily. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. I think I found GHOST.. Bill's cell phone rings. Silently spying on Shane. She looks stricken. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. After we turn this in to my CO. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Bill reacts.

should be home soon... JULIE'S HOUSE .SHANE He goes silent. comes into the dark hall.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. Tongue-tied. SHANE You guys better get ready. The fish tank is clear. Julie and Bill hop out.: The house is spotless. LULU But.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. so they probably trashed the place. Shane -.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. he has no answer.they hear. in the next room.O. I 85. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left... BILL What's wrong? They listen -.V. Bill is carrying her suitcases. in shock. INT. The rug is vacuumed. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. J JULIE'S P. Kids singing a beautiful. Lulu? You should be happy. HOUSE . She trails off.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . KIDS VOICES .

. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. The Kids rush forward and hug her. mom. She sees. KITCHEN . no dishes in the sink. Shane sees Bill enter. Bill steadies her.. Dumb-struck.(singing. S SHANE Captain. with songs they have sung. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. DINING ROOM . for a thousand years. 8 JULIE almost faints. Across the room. BILL (he smiles wryly. ( B 6. She staggers to. Julie starts bawling.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean... then salutes back) Good job. Lulu has bows in her hair. smiling. Peter is fresh faced.. a capella) . INT.. picture- . featuring Todd. ZOE Welcome home.. Julie goes to the. INT. Lieutenant.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. Zoe is in a conservative dress. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly..

MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . all I've never known is the military. And I think I want to explore that some more. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Shane continues. BILL I should hope not. Shane. You just name it. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir.. Bill holds the pronged key. reluctant. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. GARAGE . ILL I'm really proud of you. Don't get me wrong... At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. Sir. an ANGRY VOICE. S S 87. SHANE That's kind of you. Bill stops.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. pause) But I'll have to think about it. Suddenly.INT. surprised. anywhere you want..

startled..Shane and Bill spin. Shane shoots Bill a glance.. then passes out.. and Mrs. reaching for Bill's key.. he looks up as he drops.. SHANE'S POV woozy. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. B 88. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. There were delays.. MRS. He is losing consciousness. Shane peers in confusion. . Mrs.. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. He turns.. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. Mr. confused. Disoriented... Chun? H The CHUNS strides up.when suddenly. Chun comes closer. while SLAMMING their heads together. hane takes control! He smiles. Things are spinning. He takes a submissive position. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr.. CLOSE-UP .. startled. and starts to fall.SHANE Lights out. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Chun. GUNS DRAWN. relishing a second of glory -.

. Inside is a dark corridor.. Chun) Keep an eye on them. INT. then slides OPEN! enter. scared..DAY Shane lies unconscious. Bill and Mrs. Bill checks the knots binding the children. They THE VAULT! Spare. The door HUMS. Charles trusted you. The Kids are furious. The floor is covered with square tiles. and it CLICKS. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. 9. reaching. Chun) secures the room.BLACK. Bill inserts the two-pronged key.. with two . tied up. livid. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. FADE IN: INT. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. GARAGE . Chun Bill GAGS Julie. Bill and Mrs. So did the Department of Defense. INT. They anxiously tiptoe.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Peter has a JUICE BOX.with me. (to Mr. exit. Julie glares. JULIE I trusted you. You -. He GAGS the kids. bright and white. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. Beside the safe is a red switch. The Korean Man (Mr. ILL North Korea pays better. Chun approach the steel door. 8 Bill grins. They whimper. closing the window shades... NURSERY .

the Kids look innocent. With a rapid blur of finger-work. she unties Zoe! Then -. Lulu "looks" scared.S. Bill eyes the safe. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket..SAME TIME Mr. then Mr.. quickly assuming a fake bound position. Chun guards the kids.. MRS. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. the Chun spins. Mrs. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. had eyebrows. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. Tyler GASPS.. She confidently strides toward the safe -. Chun whirls -. Lulu frowns.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. MR. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. But behind her back. off shoulder eyebrows. like a monstrous computer. done. as if she hadn't moved. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . The air is filled with an ominous. CHUN Just. CHUN But I've got some C4. Chun is Bokay... CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. INT. low-pitched HUM.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. completely SINGED OFF.needing a distraction. eyeballing them icily. Mr. HOUSE . BEEPING. MRS. she hits her panic button! O. Mr. but the of her jacket is on fire. then leans back against Zoe. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.. startled -. horrified -. He sneers. It's set on ARMED.

It HURTS. Chun's face. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. he drops to his knees in pain. Mr. then. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. . Mr. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Chun's leg. Mr. HAM without warning. slamming the door behind her. Chun scowls. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Chun's head.. Lulu runs. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Chun laughs: MR. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun looks at Lulu. Mr.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. when he's at her level.W Z 90.. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off.. Skeptical. he steps closer. snake-like move. They untie Julie.. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. she KICKS him right in the nuts. CHUN That's cute. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. BEHIND TODD .

CONTINUOUS Mr. making a small hole.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. M E M 91. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. He sticks his face out the hole. his face COATED in white.CONTINUOUS Mr.. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. NURSERY . NURSERY .SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -... Chun punches the door. INT. She SCREAMS. DONNGGG -. INT. INT. I INT. Chun's face. He yells out furious! MR. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .but as Julie exits. FRONT DOOR .Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.. Chun falls back from the door. but the door won't budge. Bill lurches into view. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.doorknob. clutching her! The .. they're trapped inside.

as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. they're not going anywhere. INT.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. ARGHH! driveway.. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. . She floors it.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan..CONTINUOUS r. They start to run back.I've got the keys. HOUSE . speaking in Korean: RS. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT.. CHUN Chun falls. MINIVAN . EXT. Chun THE RADIO.kids are horrified. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret.. Chun comes racing around the house -. then nod and run to the side garage. unsure. Mrs. HOUSE . RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. MR. Chun listens to Mr. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2.

GARAGE . I wouldn't have killed him so soon.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. Don't make me kill you too. Julie GASPS. They step past Shane's body. B . VAN . Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. lying on the concrete. It's getting old. INT.Charles didn't tell me about the room.. a CRACKLING of static. oe runs a yellow..Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. Then. chilled. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. holding a military RADIO. Chun exits the vault. INT. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. Mrs. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. gaining on them. leading her to the secret door.

EXT. Do it. MINIVAN . CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. emotional. CHUN Mr. Then -.Shane is standing in the doorway.. ZOE . don't hurt the kids. BUSY STREET .. Bill deciding if he can trust him. just please don't hurt anyone... Chun just inches from the kids' tail.DAY The vehicles race.S.93.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. SHANE (O. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. ANGLE . MRS.) Bill. It's like a chariot race. It's B risky. Bill uncuffs Shane. ill eyes him. to cut them off! INT. He tries to pass them on the right. Surprised. ILL . half on the sidewalk. they might wreck. Bring them back unharmed. The men stare down. Bill. as Zoe drives. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. Chun zooming by. He does something we can't see. everyone looks down. BILL Change of plan..he clicks "talk" on the radio.SHANE They look over -.. my husband has question: MR. I'll get you in.

SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Zoe looks over. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly.. crayons.. Mr. and loses control.. orange peels... Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. INT. Mrs.. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. disoriented. Hair spray. Chun with debris: milk cartons. She Mr. M R. triumphant. . Chun swerves and almost wrecks. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Chun holds Julie. CRASH!! The kids cheer. Chun off for a beat. Mr. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Peter laughs. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Mr. Chun SCREAMS.What's taking you? 94. Chun ROLLS UP his window. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. It throws Mr.. SECRET VAULT . In the van. Bill waits impatiently. Exasperated.. Shane is figuring his options.

Shane steps forward. Shane SQUIRTS it. in pain. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Bill laughs. go get it -.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Shane leaps back. over one beam and ducking under another -. puzzled.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch.. Watch. Tyler! Bill reacts. He speaks aloud. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Peter. BILL Code or no code. ill cocks his gun. Todd. Shane gets up. Shane steps forward . confidently: J B B 95 . revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. sending him flying backwards. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But.now. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.. . He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. landing on his hands and knees.A bewildered beat -. Lulu.

Shane LAUGHS sharply. He takes a deep breath. just like the crabs do. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . E 96 . Shane he steps forwards.they have no idea what he's laughing about.NOTHING HAPPENS. Calmness comes to Shane's face. . No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. across two tiles. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. then back: smiles. He steps sideway. And you haven't got a chance. When you're down and low. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. not quite centered to the room. It dawns on Julie what he's doing.. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). He thinks.. Something she said.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. NOTHING HAPPENS.. and do the Peter Panda Dance.SHANE Shane's thinks. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. lower than the floor. Bill and Julie share a look -. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor.. fearlessly. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. Julie relieved. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. CLOSE-UP . He feels the Groove. Again -.

imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. 5-0. BUSY INTERSECTION .it takes a while. Zoe blows past it. and he catches up with the minivan -. Don't follow me! . When he steps back -.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. The Squad Car's lights flash on. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. They have my mom. and our bodyguard -. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. If he'd been standing. they're FLYING. from the ceiling.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. Use the gas.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. ZOE Come on. his focus gone. EXT. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. not the brake. he'd be toast. 9 7.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. Inside is the Cute Cop.

EXT. . Claire frowns.. I accept full responsibility. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. SCHOOL . the Minivan SPEEDS by. 98. like there ain't no floor.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. in a cloud of smoke. at a safe distance. almost running it off road. concerned. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. and speeds back towards her house. pool of liquid. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. Then better jump quick.. The Squad Car is on its tail. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. nervously. NECK-BRACE. EXT.. Following the chase. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. sliding forward. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. PLUMMER BASEMENT .SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME.. is Mr. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. It's acid. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. but if I had more resources. Zoe U-turns. Suddenly. My intelligence proved to be faulty. Squad Car turns around and chases her. INT. She shakes her head. SUBURBAN STREET .

Bill signals for Mrs. The whole room goes SILENT. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. disgusted. He lands in front of THE SAFE. "Just hold your breath. He holds his breath just in time. And you betrayed all of that. Finally. and jump to the left. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. It's a stand-off. She gestures back: you go.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. to calm down) Almost done. Shane scowls. and jumps back. Bill looks around. Immediately. All that we stand for.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. to the left of the HOLE." . Bill takes a breath -. You were always my best man. Shane.. BILL Thank you.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. if you're willing to join up. Beat. Chun follows. Mrs. He nervously steps forward .and walks across the room. 99. Whew. BILL (CONT'D) You know. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Bill shrugs. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. Chun to go first. almost done. What do you say -. The Booby Traps are disarmed. The safe's red light turns green." He jumps.he waves his hand over the floor. BILL I'll take that as a "no. pulling Julie along.. sir. Nothing happens. I knew you'd figure it out. He's relieved -.

unrelenting. Shane shrugs. shaking from the voltage. You open it. head. Bill LUNGES. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Nothing happens. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. SHANE There will be no mercy. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Bill gestures to Mrs. I think you better open it. MRS. Something's not right.. Bill is incensed. Shane reaches for the safe. but Shane gazes coldly. her hair on end. . then catches himself.Mrs. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. Mrs. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Chun LEAPS onto his back.. SIZZLING. But suddenly Mrs. hitting Bill's arms. BILL (CONT'D) . and touches the dial. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. Chun doesn't budge. He starts to reach for the dial. Bill is off guard.. Relief. She turns it. Reluctantly . trying to read Shane's poker face.. then PUNCHES him in the gut. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. legs! He's crazed.. Full of himself. Chun reaches out. I walked the floor first. Chun. BILL None requested..Bill turns to the safe. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares.

terrible neighbor. Shane shakes his head.! EXT. connecting only occasionally. unable to gain her balance. the wind knocked out of him. Bill is charging him. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. IN THE VAN. tottering. chase after. Shane COLD-COCKS her.they tangle like pro's.O.BILL He steps over Shane.. He jumps to his feet. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. then whispers/sings. knocking her out.. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. saved. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. good night. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. everyone is SCREAMING. spin. The Police Cars . Leering mercilessly. It's clear the both have the same training. Say.. kick. delivering a series of hard punches. They punch. Shane struggles to lose her. landing on his back in front of the safe. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. SIRENS wailing. Suddenly. K. SHANE You're a.. SHANE . Shane narrows his eyes. PLUMMER'S STREET . ANGLE . Shane tumbles. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. She smiles. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. which Shane deflects -. But he's unforgiving. OOF! Bill tumbles. She catapults.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. stumbles backwards across the room. he drops and FLIPS her.

101. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.O. Cops surround them. grateful.. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.SAME TIME Total commotion. Whoa.. JULIE Thank you Shane. SHANE . The garage door raises. then look in the safe: Inside. But it's too late. Shane steps out. GHOST. She smiles at Shane. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. It's finally over.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. They look in silence. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. Now we can go back to our peaceful.. then BRAKES. SECRET VAULT . with their hands raised. Then -.. The kids clamber from the van. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . INT. The van SKIDS.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. HOUSE . the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Shane gently removes it. smoke BURNING from the tires -. The Kid spill out and run. from the car.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.and hits a tree.

uh. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. CHUN (O. vaults onto Chun. Shane spins. triumphant. Cops cover Shane and Julie. helpless. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Numerous. ZOE But. Shane weighs his not so many options. you're in a lot of trouble. The Cops are unsure what to do. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license.. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. I suggest you call the FBI. Now.CUTE COP FREEZE. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.... CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. officer. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. as he turns his head.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. and grabs the MR. He's disheveled and manic. Nobody is sure what to do. But then -.) HIT THE GROUND!!! ... Julie and Shane Freeze. Mr. Zoe. Silence.S. He scoffs. Even Chun is amazed. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. MR. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Chun stands inside the gate.a CRAZED SCREAM. 10 2.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop..

103.B. CLOSE-UP .THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.rocket launcher..B. COP I think I'll call the FBI.. reaches for his radio. F. watching the FBI Agents work.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. This chaos is unsolvable. then walks off. he .I. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. ANGLE . F . that was nice work. Julie huddles with the kids.I. Shane talks with an F. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. AGENTS swarm the area. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. swelling with pride. DISSOLVE TO: EXT.B. Agent. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE .B.LATER F. GARAGE . Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. Wolfe.I.I. You're a one-man battalion. SHANE Just doing my job. Shane examines it. AGENT Mr. CLOSE-UP .

then Julie found the key.Yes. Julie.... And to tell the truth. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. A tear comes to her eye. Zoe. and Julie notice. SHANE Well. I don't know. You're the superior office. Todd.Maui? .. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. I'm kinda. fallen onto the floor. SHANE . Mock-angry.I want to say: I love you more than anything.. Lulu -. He looks at Claire. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. from the safe.. Peter... 104. re-conning the situation. Her siblings. I always have. I'm on dry land. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. You tell me. Does it itch? Yes. a letter. He looks around: at the family.. The Plummers hug each other. She sees. here. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission.. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. EXT. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . On. say -. Tyler.. Summer's almost here. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. and gather around. Shane looks at her.

SHANE Ah. Zoe gives them a look -. interrupting. come here you. She puts out her hand. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about..he can't keep it in. baffled. Shane. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.Sir yes sir. He starts to head off..that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Shane bawls -. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. sad.SHANE This is too much. Julie looks up. Guess you have to go now.. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Lulu turns to Shane. Thank you. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. He puts them down. TIGHT .his medal. LULU This is it. For everything. He wipes his face. I'm gonna . Your work here is through. to shake his. The Plummers all approach. squeezing them off the ground. A long beat. He squeezes her hand around it. ZOE But. 105..he hugs the whole family at once. Like he did. P ETER Love you. SHANE Claire beams.

a Michael Jordan dunk. BACKSTAGE . CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. until he sits back down. In SLOW MOTION. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Shane stands. Claire: dressed to the nines. The performers take their curtain ." Hearts swell. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. Todd spins. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. Scott: in a suit. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Farewell. They all watch. It's fantastic -.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Shane watches with bated breath. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. his hair combed." In the audience. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. VICTORIA THEATRE. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. rapt. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. hit your marks. even Murney. the little Brownie Troop. Julie watches in astonishment. A STANDING OVATION. She is surrounded by her children. beaming with pride.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. You Are Sixteen begins.

Shane smiles. touched.calls. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. He humbly steps into view -.imsdb. FADE OUT. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. THE END http://www.html on December 9 2010 .-The. Thundering applause. Mission accomplished.and the house goes crazy.com/scripts/Pacifier.

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