THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. they're almost out of ammo. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. but can't get free.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. My way -.. as the water rises up to his mouth He Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. He tries force the door open. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. him his oxygen. to the roof. But you have to do exactly what I say. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. Plummer screams. One of our SEALS calls out to highway option. . He cuts the Professor's GAG. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. hauling the Professor up.. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water.SIMULTANEOUS 4. I'm gonna get you outta here. INT. Shane removes his mouth piece. when I say it. ON THE DECK . As the water rises. Up to his nose.. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. terrified. SHIP'S HOLD . over his head. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. PLUMMER How did you know where I. He's gone.. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water.. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. United States Navy. When it finally opens. EXT.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics.

HELICOPTER .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. Hold on. pulling the Professor in behind him. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. Shane takes a deep breath. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. then disappear gracefully back into the water. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. OCEAN'S SURFACE . SHANE INT. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER ..CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. 5.. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. INT. clearly he loves this kind of day. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. INT. more!" They do. holding the Professor. HELICOPTER . the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. SHIP'S HOLD . He .CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. terrified. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. and pulls himself. EXT. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door.

. thank you. We have to keep moving. CHARLES Lieutenant. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. . rotors whirling slowly. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth..A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. shutting him up.. how'd we. the Professor looks terrified. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today.. She thinks I'm dead. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. I can't believe you. Please. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. That was the most incredible. PLUMMER Oh my God. I'm just not big on chit chat. Not imperative to the mission. Lieutenant.. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. Charles stops Shane. EXT. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . CHARLES I'm safe. waits.. (then) Don't you have a family? 6.beside him. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative.

Tyler. All goes . Charles dials. RUN!!! black. knocked unconscious. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case.. Shane looks at him.Charles picks up his briefcase. Peter. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. and talks. Todd. The briefcase pops open..CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. you want to see it? Negative. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. Charles dials his cell phone. then hands him his satellite phone. INT. PILOT sits. SHANE We're almost ready... puzzled. that's my specialty... And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. I do security. DEAD. Shane drops. back to him. WHAM. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. PAVE HAWK . Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. Shane considers. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. I have a picture of my kids in here. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY.couldn't crack it... Lulu. except for the phone and a family PHOTO.. It's voice activated. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. Designed it myself.. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. I'm alive.

HOSPITAL . despondent. I know sir. SHANE'S P.O. You're the best man I ever trained.V. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. but he does it anyway. Everything is ablaze. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire.7. And a good friend. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. unconscious. SHANE . A Huey Helicopter lands. He holds a REPORT in his hand.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.: Everything is a blur. There is huge explosion. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .it hurts to salute. PAVE HAWK . barely conscious. EXT. Shane reaches out.. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. unassuming. He takes a long look at Shane.. Captain.friendly. HOSPITAL . as the chopper ignites. and takes Charles' Briefcase. His arm and face bandaged. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. He looks around. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. in slow-motion. Bill sits down beside the bed. He sees Charles. sir.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed.

O.a genius. Then.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. Bill shakes his head. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. . and starts to rise.SHANE He had to call his family. SHANE The case was empty sir. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes.. Shane sits up. He called it G. Thank you. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. I'm gonna need the mini sub. It's not that kind of mission. disappointed. he pulls off bandages. SHANE Sir. appreciate your confidence. Bill considers this. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.H. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.H. He can't believe his good fortune... G.T. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. really. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. Invigorated. and sits opposite Shane. I.T.S. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. is still out there.. BILL Not a surprise..O..S. as I stated in my report.. He pulls up a chair. disconnects an IV. BILL . 8.

Shane listens. The family's scared. I'm alive. It's just that. call Lt...O. She told me someone had broken into her home.NIGHT . Shane Wolfe. CUT TO: INT... And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. sir. He's a good man. Shane is surprised. BILL The professor's wife requested you.S. anyway. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.. presses play. (MORE) 9. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. I've never been very good with kids. Widow. Either way. I need someone to stay at that house. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. I should go.. BILL . SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. Shane is shocked. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. CHARLES (O. SHANE'S APARTMENT . sir.. Maybe it is. I'll call you in an hour. Whoever killed the professor must think G.. hearing the dead man's voice. intrigued. top to bottom. Not even when I was a kid sir.H.T.. I love you. Searched the place..if anything happens to me. I got a call from the professor's wife. maybe it isn't. and protect them. is in that house.S.) Honey.

The sprinklers go off. 8. Shane eyes Lulu. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. they all go in. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. Shane's P. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. Hm.s. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. He reaches in.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens.O.Shane packs his duffel bag. peering up at him. Shane double-checks the address. Shane looks like a bad ass. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. 10.. machete.. EXT. night vision goggles. It SQUEAKS. also identical to the one he wears... . WE hear TINY FEET approach -. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. and pulls out a small. He looks at for a moment.then the door swings open.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. Lulu eyes Shane. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot.and sees LULU. Shane looks down -. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. Shane frowns. we're not interested.V. EMALE VOICE (o. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). ready for anything. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. SUBURBAN STREET . Shane heads to the door. identical to the one he wears. He rejects it.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. camouflage vest. with toys all over the lawn.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

LIVING ROOM .. entersJULIE I'll be there. JULIE That's wonderful.. Julie and Shane share a look. Shane.s.the family eats dinner. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property.s. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. The phone RINGS inside. 14. BILL (o. Swiss law says only his family can access it. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. We slowly pull out. through the kitchen window. with her suitcase.) There's a catch.. Helga will . Through the window. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.MORNING stand hug Julie. listening to the conversation. I think it could contain GHOST.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER .Nighttime -. This could all be over! BILL (o. INT. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. I have some potentially good news.s. INT..NIGHT Shane. it's Bill Fawcett. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. JULIE What is it? BILL (o.) Julie. Julie casually answers it.

Mrs. are you licensed to kill? . all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.. And on the back door. I'm gonna miss you... SHANE Don't worry. ZOE Mom -.we'll be fine. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. I'll be back in 48 hours.. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. No.. do it. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know... Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. .handle everything. Plummer. I love you guys.. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. H S .. it's just. And guys. HELGA Everything will be fine. And on the phone. They'll be safe with me. chill. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. Helga will take care of everything else. I am a mom. it's my job to worry.

INT. on a short ladder. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him.. Shane turns off the light. Gary suddenly FLIES by . 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.NIGHT hane rushes in -.. Shane shakes his head. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . Shane heads down the hall. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o..and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears..5.NIGHT Shane. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. I make bottle. pouring in Cheerios. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.. SHANE (CONT'D) . HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. He shuts off the - . Immediately. when in the corner of his eye -.WHRRP! Shane ducks. You do something.s. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. INT. can't find him. elga stomps out.. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .

. Shane runs. S COTT . He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Zoe -. ZOE He's my boyfriend.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. I'll call you. Zoe! .. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. They both tumble to the ground. jumps onto the trampoline. house like a marionette. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. Shane LIFTING him in the air. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked.BACK YARD . EXT. but alright.window alarm and sneaks out silently. He's dazed. tool. calling out from across the street.. come on Scott.go back inside. PLUMMER HOUSE .. SHANE Not with this kid. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door.. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. . fine. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. runs off. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. 16. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. ZOE Okay.

MR. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. Oh. THE CHUNS. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. We had an intruder.NIGHT . MR. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. The alarm stops. fuming. Oh. Sorry. CHUN Thanks a bunch. SHANE My apologies.. A simple misunderstanding. The Alarm's still blaring.. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. we own a bakery. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Shane stands there. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. pop their heads out. They're arguing with each other in Korean. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. no accent) We speak English. I INT.. so we're up kind of early. Shane's about to head inside. Shane addresses them. and we found this in our pool filter.... PLUMMER HOUSE . Look. huh baby-sitter? Mr. Kojak. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it.Zoe storms inside. CHUN (perfect English. CHUN . SHANE MRS.

He "hops" her down the hall to her room. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. .) sing). where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.s. SHANE Not anymore. Loud. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. Zoe falls backwards into the room. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. ZOE Who do you think you are dad? Zoe starts to turn -. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Shane flips her foot in the air.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. continues down the hall. Shane shuts her door. She has to hop on one foot. lower than the floor. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. to not fall over. S W 1 8. Shane marches back down the hall. Bite me! Shane frowns. You should have told her the truth.

Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. In the bedrooms. Then jumps up. then "crab-walks" sideways. and do the Peter Panda Dance. She does. to their beds. in bed -.groove. Peter in his bed. T Z Z T 19. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. EXT. warm orange light. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. one step back. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.laugh and laugh. HOUSE . Three steps forward. The Children. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. . INT. Shane shakes his head.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. just like the crabs do. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. PLUMMER HOUSE . he wriggles on the floor.

half-asleep and angry. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Move.MORNING Todd sits up.m. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. ODD It's Sunday. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. like she's been electrocuted. Not in front of the kids.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING.. TODD'S ROOM . HALLWAY . 20 . Helga runs through in hair curlers. disoriented. S . carrying the crying baby. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Todd blinks groggily. oe is wrapped in blankets. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Suddenly his door flies open -. motionless.odd is out cold. not understanding what's happening. INT. You're insane. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. L Move. Covering their ears. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a..

KITCHEN . . HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks you. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order.. Your behavior is unacceptable. lined up tallest to shortest.) Shane's jaw drops.. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. ladies.he gives him a look of disbelief. sucking on a bottle.. INT. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up.LATER The children are assembled. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. shocked. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. L 21. HELGA (She curses Again. in you. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. No highway option.

Shane bangs hard on it.a tense silence. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Now that I know I can't trust you. Touch that -. but it's locked.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door.. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. The panic button is only for emergencies. SHANE Tracking devices. Red baby. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. He yells at her. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Shane bounds up the stairs. Red Leader. wait. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. Everyone stares blankly -. Red 2. I tell you what to do -. So you are -. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. or you're dead. He tries the knob. Shane tries to maintain decorum. Everyone cracks up.. Never take them off. End of chain. INT.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. ZOE I am not wearing that.(pointing) Red 1. where's the older male? There were five.and you do it. he's better be dying. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Angry. S ULU (CONT'D) . P eter farted. ZOE He's in his room.

The entire frame collapses. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. patrolling. INT. Shane steps aside.22. then CRASHES inward. He has to go. PLUMMER HOUSE . I can fix this.SMASH! The wood CRACKS.LATER ZOE . Todd nods in agreement. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. He sees Shane. Zoe comes up the stairs. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. this wouldn't have happened. and head down the hall. INT. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed.MORNING . If you'd been wearing it. A piece of the ceiling falls. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. HALLWAY . Oops.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. the destroyed door and wall... to her room. Down the hall -.. She stops at Todd's door -.. hits Shane on the head. INT.they glare at Shane.a FLUSH. and Todd comes sauntering back. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet.

L S 23. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. LULU This house is haunted. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. And then it hits Shane. Peter! screams. Lulu hides behind Shane.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. HALLWAY . INT. He pretends to be a ghost. His head shifts. Daddy even said so. PAPERBOY (O.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. he hears something suspicious -. wearing a towel as a sheet. to see that Peter is chasing her. Lulu SHANE Hey.WHACK -. Shane turns.the rumble of a car approaching. just as -. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. hard. He rushes for the front door. Really? His eyes light up. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it.LATER . clicks his alarm remote opens it. I don't know. Peter Booos again.S. hey. He said there's a ghost.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face.

! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. MR. I INT.. all the way down.a creak. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. inally.. She screams.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. as laundry flutters down from above. He goes back to the living room. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. listening for hollow spaces.. carrying a huge laundry basket. pushing. STAIRWAY . Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. Shane scans it. Zoe whispers. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. scanning the ceiling. F .SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.ZOE AND TODD . Searching.. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall.. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. appears. then turns his attention to his laptop. He RAPS again. Nothing. Then -. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. BANGING her head and ass on each step.Shane walks slowly down the hall. feeling. T IGHT . When he hears an alert from his laptop. ZOE Here he comes.

SWISS BANK .DAY Establishing. The Banker looks at him blankly. INT. looking jet-lagged. . this is an urgent matter. I can't. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. He seems to be about 100 years old. EXT. Not in Switzerland. 25. we're going to have to file a complaint. Bill can't stand it anymore. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. They wait patiently -. ZOE Uh-oh. terrified.They gulp. then licks his finger to turn the page. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. but can't get the page to turn.DAY Bill and Julie. SWISS BANK . He jumps to his feet. He feebly gets up. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. BANKER Marcel! out. He licks his finger again. mouthing along in FRENCH. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. Then looks back to the paperwork. If we can't get some faster service. It's taking him a LONG time.

As soon as your background checks clear. grabbing her foot. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. MARCEL. The suitcase handle breaks off.SAME TIME Helga. Suddenly. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. Oui. He grabs her suitcase. Shane picks up the receiver. He DRAGS her back. the chief does not speak English. As she tries to wrestle it away. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas.Shane tries to block her path. QUACKING. heads to the door -. enters. But I can tell you -.Another Banker. JULIE Thank you. Peter's in the aquarium. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. Shane moves for the phone. Shane dives. remain calm -- 26. HELGA I am calm. RING! Amid the chaos. suitcases in hand. SHANE (CONT'D) . How long is that? INT. and Helga dashes for the door. I QUIT. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. The duck flies around. PLUMMER HOUSE .you will have access to the box tout-suite. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.

Duty. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door.Ah.Helga falls forwards.. and Shane falls back. that landed on a diaper. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . 27. Helga struggles to get him off. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. He picks up his hand. Shane body-checks it closed. (covering the phone. HOUSE . Shane hangs up the phone.. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Mrs.everything's fine. Plummer. Mrs.. EXT. Shane lets go. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause..CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. CRUNCH. Just doing my. Plummer. against the counter. Helga scampers out the door.

she'll come back. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. Helga glares back. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. There's been a change of plans. He drops his head. . we're just gonna have some more big fun. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. In the meantime. Then -.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. if she loves you. SHANE Okay. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. takes a deep breath and strides inside. ANGLE . HOUSE . SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away..he slowly glances up. ANGLE .SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. dumbfounded. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. in the rear window. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. INT. to find the kids are all gloomy.. baby cries. The 28. defeated.SHANE Rises..Helga jumps in the cab. listen up..

All for one. SShane GROANS. INT. CLOSE-UP . then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. your enthusiasm. BATHROOM . Pure self-preservation. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. He lowers Tyler onto a changing flops open. Only then can we rise to the challenge. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. repelled. inundated. Using the tools as chopsticks. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. Nobody will help. Until -..FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. I'm Navy. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. HEY! Even Peter runs. . everyone bolts from the room. And then -. nice moment.SHANE He gulps. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. holding his nose.. takes a deep breath. SHANE Whoa. 29.

SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. Shane tries approaching -. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. I think you're cute. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. HALLWAY . Lulu is in her pj's.he can't do it. over and over and over.SHANE The things I do for my country. like a puppy. She follows. she just stares at him. SHANE (unsure how to respond. then FLUSHES. he looks down to see Lulu. . Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. making sure all the doors and windows are locked.. Lulu doesn't go away. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative.) Thank you. INT. Lulu follows at his heels.. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. he looks around for a solution. LULU Hi. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Aghast. 30.

Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet." dubious. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. The kids sit down at their designated spots. . On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. The Kids stare at "breakfast. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them.BREAKFAST . all the kids asleep.Shane walks room to room. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. 31. KITCHEN . like he's an idiot. All the lights are out. and patrols. pulling down the shades on every window.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. in beddibye land. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. INT. And I've survived off this stuff for months. Shane's time for you take a nappypoo. and shuts off her light. I can get lots more of those. proud of his accomplishment. Lulu looks at him. Todd. little girl. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags.

you stay in. Shane turns to Lulu. I don't have any idea what you're talking about... ladies. all for one. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. (then:) Yes. Wanna see? Negative.. crying. So -. you go out. LULU . Peter stands in his chair. . Your mama -. then at Tyler -.... PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey.. Shane sighs. If I say's how it's gonna be. too.. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. He runs away. trying to hear over the screaming. We're gonna pull together. if I say out. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.... Peter starts bawling. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. The table cloth is yanked to the floor.. And the phone rings. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. one for all. I can cross my eyes. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. Shane answers.who SCREAMS at the top of his not here to take care of you now. ZOE He's only two. dancing.

perfect parallel park. He said if you're late again. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . backwards at sixty m. INT.. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot.h.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. legal guardian.. Across his chest. INT. sir. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. Thank you. He hangs up. With your . into a TINY parking spot -..M.. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .. I know it's Monday. innocently. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. you and Todd are expelled. SHANE Not on my watch. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. LULU We're gonna be late. EXT. It hits ZERO.9:29 A. and at that . Shane fumbles with it for a while. Oh. dramatically unveiling Shane. He wants to see you in his office." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. GARAGE .MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. GARAGE . A big suburban school...a death defying.p. Zoe smiles at him. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. The Minivan skids completely sideways. It just doesn't add up. yes.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. EXT.

OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Well. K thru 12. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. holding Peter on a harness. The Kids are seated around him. V. tough. boy. Out of twenty-three. . Plummer finally listened. She's attractive. Shane. Duane.P in charge of discipline. They're the worst students in my school. a few days. Murney is unimpressed. Looks like Mrs. son? SHANE Wolfe. He withers. I coach wrestling. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. mortified. Top to bottom. He's HUGE and mean.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . assured. Lieutenant. whatever work you can get. conduct and truancy. Murney is furious. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter.moment. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. You're in my house now. He glares at Shane. I'm Murphy.. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. The Kids crack up. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. as he plays on the floor. they needed a parole officer. too.

. Mrs. impressed. Principal Claire eyeballs him. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads.. Plummer called my captain. Lieutenant. as he casually holds the three kids. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs.. I am in charge of. Good. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay.Good morning kids. I think I can handle this from here. fuming. What are you doing in my office. SHANE Red 1. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. that as vice principal. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. She told me all about you. The opens the door for Murney. Get moving. staring him up and down. Claire sees this -.and suddenly reacts. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. You see. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. Shane checks his TRACKER -.two little red DOTS move away. Plummer.. The teens hustle off to their classes. Red 2. He exits. BELL rings. (then. 34. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. huh? You with "The Teams?" The .. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little.

. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL ... Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles.. to balance Shane. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. That's the way I live my life. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. dead serious.. Claire looks nervously around. She lifts her pants leg. and the way I run my school. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. The 35.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". SHANE Can't be too careful.. On the spot. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.MID-MORNING seeShane. Welcome aboard. SHANE . SHANE . Courage. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Just try not to frighten the children. SHANE "Honor. So... You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.(Shane nods. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. Service paid for my college.

Peter is running in circles around him on his harness.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. yanks his hood over his head. picks up a pair of binoculars.O.. He turns to the person front of him. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. Save us both a world of pain. Beside Shane.: Five hundred students eat at long tables.. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.Clean as a whistle. SHANE Give up now. He checks his tracking device. Zoe. CAFETERIA . delighted. 36 .V. BINOCULARS P. Now -. Todd. with stern intensity. INT. sitting in the back row of a class. Todd. Black Hawk coming in.last time: Open the hanger. Official Business.O.V. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Shane closes the computer. does the same. turns her back to him embarrassed. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. . one. in line to get lunch. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. like a tether ball. in Shane puts down his binoculars. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. two..

. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. Sure. Mr. Tyler laughs.. I guess.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness..Tyler gurgles. with milk. Can I call you Shane? . Seriously. ignoring him. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. (she looks at his chair) Well. Shane sighs. He yanks Tyler away from him. I'm impressed. Principal Claire smiles. You're on dry land. (she toasts. When you agreed to serve your country. lieutenant. you don't. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds.. . not so dry where you're sitting.) Shane. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. A whole day. SHANE Hey -. you know. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Oh. huh? Shane gives her a look. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble.. Claire smiles. man.I out rank you.but you're pretty good at this. 37.

impressed. next week's tournament is off. MURNEY He did. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling.That's. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. the crowd freezes. INT. unusual. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence... Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. cheering. and "punches fists" with him.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. MURNEY You heard the lady. As soon as they see the Principal. Murney smirks. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. (Todd) 38. VP Murney is watching. in the crowd. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. but not stopping it. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Zoe. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. LUNCH-LINE . Then vice principal Murney steps forward. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd.. I don't care who starts it. Personally . Look at him.

we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it.I think that's a little harsh. Murney approaches Shane. promise I'll go easy on you..Todd lands on his feet. sticking the landing. the crowd breaks up. I forgot you had to baby-sit. MURNEY Oh. Maybe you could stop by practice. Boys'll be boys. He'd kill you so fast. sir. Todd lunges at him. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera.. I'm on duty. man. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Nice moves. (low. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Don't even think it. yeah. Frogman -. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. what do you say? Come on. The Bell rings.. Maybe some other time then. flinch. . SHANE . That's right. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team.I'm a black belt myself. Sorry. 39 . Murney. stopping an inch from Shane's head. SHANE .. MURNEY Pretty slick.. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM control.

Uh. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. The Principal strolls up.. Shane recoils in disgust.change him.INT. INT. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Have fun. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . Panicked. 40..2:55 Shane looks exhausted. minus taxes. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Tyler is crying. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall...CONTINUOUS .Tyler's diaper is full. Emergency! SHANE INT. Then Shane smells what she means -. Roger that.. It leads him to a door. and not cry.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. doing a shoulder roll. Lt. Not my job. following his tracking device. as he keeps watch. SHANE Oh -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. for one who'll eat. Just then. holding Tyler out like a grenade. SCHOOL HALLWAY . But. another dollar twenty. He bursts though it. Bathroom's down the hall. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to.

LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Shane makes a right. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. At that moment. Thanks. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. Shane is furious. BUSY INTERSECTION .MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. He leaps out of the minivan. 41. Shane lands in fight stance -. with the Panic Button in her hand. He speeds away after them. racing down the road ahead of Shane. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. I INT.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. He hands her to the Principal.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. but the FINAL BELL rings.the Class applauds. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE .Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . He blasts through a red light. Lulu is in front of the class. EXT.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. almost tipping the minivan. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. are heading away from the school fast. EXT. SHANE EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE . EXT. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. They make a sharp right. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. HALLWAY . through the fence. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.

.section. and the sound of OMINOUS. He winces. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. feet away. He catches his breath. all brandishing tools.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. PLUMMER HOUSE . He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. they hear the front door open. Shane pries off the manhole cover. and charges through. SQUISHY footsteps. Shane lowers himself down. From outside. He takes a deep breath and dives under. you're about to get a beat down. then checks his tracker. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. It's horrific. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -.then RUN. No sweat. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.the DOTS are CLOSE. then checks the tracker -. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. IN THE MANHOLE .then gasps -. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. SEWER . Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. INT. ANGLE . INT. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. Shane easily takes them out.It's dark and dank. Three Workers rush him.LIVING ROOM .SHANE He's alone. Shane trudges through the river of muck.

LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. Zoe fixes her hair. Ditto. Call. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. looking like a Swamp Creature. (into his radio:) Cancel that a.p. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. 16 year old female. weird hair. Zoe checks him out as he goes. then covers their noses. Everyone gasps. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. Todd stiffens. BACK YARD . Peter rocks in a cradle-swing.. thank you. If you need anymore help. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. he doesn't say anything.. The smell is BAD. INT. The Cop turns to Shane. 43 INT.. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. The Cop leaves..b. with a smirk.LATER Shane is in the shower.. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. revealing Shane. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. INT. The Cop looks at them. . He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. . KITCHEN . use our nonemergency number. Covering her nose.Then the door swings open. BATHROOM . She practically GAGS as she passes him.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue.

all junk food. He looks at it. FAMILY ROOM . Monday. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. If we don't sell enough cookies. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. they're staring at him.a dozen little girls in uniforms. Lulu starts to sniffle. They won't be home `til ten. And it's not like I have any other friends. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. LULU I can't. it's Monday.. 4 . Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. 4.S. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. The Brownies applaud. Mom's our den mother. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP .CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. cringing in disgust. (whispers:) Come on.) Get rid of them. close to tears.Shane enters. pulling Lulu after him. LULU We have to. and whistle. You gotta help me out. SHANE (O. They already think I'm a loser. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. He sees on the fridge. in just a towel.. Shane. we can't go the Jamboree. INT.

MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. They are assembled. yeah. I'm gonna be your den -commander. INT. Now -. INT.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. he's a total psycho. then drills it into place. Shane sighs... do as I say. I'm scared of you." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. INT. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. at attention. . Here's how it's gonna be. unpacking boxes of cookies. ladies. getting ready to go.wait here. He's not just locking them -. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. KITCHEN .we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS.Lulu's about to burst into tears. Zoe's on the phone. ZOE .. LIVING ROOM . SHANE Good. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door.. ZOE'S BEDROOM .MOMENTS LATER Shane. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -.. SHANE Alright. the other to his back. BROWNIE Den Mother? . Tonight. Shane blows passed her. back in "uniform. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. Indian Style. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.

not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. the camera CRANES up to. GROCERY STORE . Zoe picks up the phone. but if anything happens. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals..5. Tyler looks at him -. as he pushes a cart into the store. it's like Oz or something. I dunno if that's a good idea.. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. He looks around at the bright. GROCERY STORE . but they're . He sees: a huge.. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside."what are you. No. EXT. SHANE I gotta get supplies.. EXT... GROCERY STORE . Snack packs.. Scott. He smiles.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. nuts?" EXT.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.PARKING LOT .MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. hits speed-dial. ZOE . he's got us on lock-down.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. NOTHING looks familiar -. GROCERY STORE . DRIVEWAY ..MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.... 4 EXT.nothing even looks like food. INT. I can see you through the window. (she listens:) Hm.

the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. The Cub Scouts high-five. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. you Skeever? .she tugs and tugs. In their place are the Chubby Scouts.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone... . menacingly. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. we see who she means: A group of bad ass.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. clutching their boxes. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. EXT. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. He rips it open.noticing very shy. 46 BROWNIE Oh no.. before I get my face punching badge on you. GROCERY STORE . Finally.. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. I haven't seen anybody. but can't get away.. One The Brownies take off running. and lets her go. they're back. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. chubby CUB SCOUTS.. He laughs. One of the Brownies spots something. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.

EXT. Where? SHANE INT. CHEESE . and points at Lulu's Panic button. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. I'm here to protect you. Around his neck. trembling.22's. Cheese MANAGER. The Brownies are huddled behind it. 47. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. Shane's monitor starts beeping. He wears . Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. Get in the car. Not cookies. If I don't come back -avenge my death. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. He firmly tells Lulu.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them.2ND SCOUT Nope. He heads toward the Scouts.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. you're supposed to take us to dinner. we're going home. The Brownies scream. He bends down.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . CHUCK E.A LITTLE LATER . PARKING LOT .

. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. Shane's watching Peter. The Manager approaches Shane. On stage. this much cyanide.. Cheese automaton band JAMS. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles..braces and head-gear. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. playing video games and ball. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. which causes him to lisp. Lulu approaches. the Chuck E.. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. skee Brownies are running around. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. This much The Manager laughs.. .CHAOS. Cheese! Wider reveals. A LITTLE LATER: 48. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere.

. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. LULU The Hulk can. kneels on his head. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch.she pins him to the ground. Shane is taking it really seriously. . and then a kick in the face. then kicks him in the face.. Round three starts. stretches. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Nobody can jump thirty feet. They begin.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Then he a joy stick. He checks over his shoulder -. He steps up to the machine. SHANE That's not fair. He's really mad. I thought you liked combat. The second round starts. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Shane even get one punch in -. Lulu screams out with her fighter. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. He cracks his knuckles.LULU I pressed two player. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Unless you're scared. My joystick's broken. spins her. Lulu picks a small female character. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. then cracks her in half over his knee. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Shane doesn't like the sound of that.

..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest..LIVING ROOM . INT. oops too slow. He and the Brownies sneak away. PLUMMER HOUSE .. swinging and missing. HOTEL ROOM . Shane's working the joy stick hard. while he pounds the buttons. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed.. He is KO'd. jumping. slamming buttons. but he can't hit her. the Zhouse is quiet.take a shot. its joystick dangling by its wires. ZOE . It's really annoying.. leaving the sizzling machine. dancing. INTERCUT WITH: INT. ZOE Mom -. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter...CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone... Shane's really fuming. swing and a miss.. it's my job to worry.stop worrying. Lulu's having fun now. come on -.. Sparks fly. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.. She keeps dancing. LULU Too slow. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom.. 50. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. LULU You're not even trying.

Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. INT. VARIOUS SHOTS . She turns to Scott. up.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. loads Brownies into the my cell. Don't worry. but you know I have to do this. kids everywhere. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. I hate leaving you. JULIE It's only a few more days. this is outta hand. And the folks who read my BLOG. ZOE I know. . Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. everything's cool.. counting them.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). I love you. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT.LIVING ROOM . we're okay. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. MALL PARKING LOT .Seriously. ZOE Dude. 51. who doesn't seem concerned at all. Zoe rolls her eyes. The guy's just a control freak. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess.. ZOE Dude. Tonight I'm just doing homework -.The Plummer House: .Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. not cool.

a look of horror comes across Shane's face. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. SHANE Inexcusable. move! Go go! EXT. to leave a man behind like that. We see what he forgot: PETER. move. INT. gasping. the Brownies follow. SHANE . He's holding the diaper. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. is fine. MANAGER Relax. freestyling in the ball pool -.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. Suddenly. CHUCK E. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. He charges across the room with the diaper. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. CHEESE . The Manager is watching him. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look.. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. Shane grimaces. Silence. He disappears under the balls -..for a long time. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles.LATER . He's still down there.. S 52.they almost always do..DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.. and goes down for the diaper.not okay.. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. He holds his breath. again. Not okay. Whoa. out away from him.Move. SUBURBAN ROAD .

EXT.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. scared. as he pulls up in the Minivan.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse..and groans in disbelief. 53. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.. jocks throwing footballs. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles.. Scott... CLUB lock off the door. windows. Now. He gets out -. Peter and Tyler up the path. INT. we're gonna do this . trying to understand. chugging drinks. Party's over. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.J. PLUMMER HOUSE .. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. Outraged.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. a total wreck. peeing in the bushes.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. then RUN. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Shane snatches it mid-air -. PLUMMER HOUSE . He protectively guides them past the craziness -.. at a full run. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. making out.'s turntables. Shane takes Lulu. vents. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.KITCHEN .then CRUSHES the ball. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. Reeling. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.

Clean.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. Scott and Zoe. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Shane's eyes narrow. straightening -. PLOP. They see Shane find the CD. He holds it up to a KID.. CUT EXT. INT. he takes it off. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.. Scott gulps . through binoculars. He lifts the sofa. furiously clean. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. Miserable TEENS scrub. residue. Shane goes over them. He fumes. as kids clean. Oh my god. In a way -. ladies. He hands Scott the mop. labeled with a Sharpie.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch.. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. It reads: highway option.then he notices something. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .. mopping. in Playtex gloves. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet.. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. and walk out of sight. INT. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk.. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. trying to maintain his dignity. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE.CONTINUOUS . Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.

Because you have no respect for yourself.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. sits down. and screams in Shane's face.. helpless. she pukes again. PLUMMER HOUSE .. ueasy. (Announces:) Company.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. My friends will never come here again. You're like a robot. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. furniture polished. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Rambo. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. where she throws up. you hate us. Shane hands her a handkerchief. Shane . They show no respect for you or your house. PLUMMER HOUSE . Lulu's crying. ZOE . Todd picks her up. Zpounding on doors. After a beat. He heads upstairs.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. INT. Zoe gets up. Shane stands. Scott's the last one to leave. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. shaky and furious. downstairs! He walks down the hall.into the bathroom. CUT TO: EXT. ZOE I do too respect myself. Thanks a lot. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. Zoe blows past him -... outside the bathroom door.

He goes down. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. I'm gone. Don't worry. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. tired) It's Scott. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. all in black BURST in through the window.. Go to your rooms. talking doesn't do any good. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Red 1... The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. Suddenly -. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect.. Not even from the enemy. NINJA GHOST -. SHANE You're right.the power goes out. Wielding with great skill. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. close-quarters and fast. SHANE Puberty. The Ninjas attack.. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS..55. They leap down after him. pounding him with their .they're good.hand it over! staffs.the three fight. TWO NINJAS. Shane spins in fight-stance. Suddenly. fiercely -. as soon as your mom comes back. I'm not the man for this job.

Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. and grabs it. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. Shane runs to the changing table. he hits a Ninja in the head. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. The Ninjas move towards him a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around.knocking him into. PLAYROOM . a squeezes . avoiding Legos. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. . WHACK..until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. fiercely. He spots a BASEBALL BAT.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. and flings them all over the floor. Shane crashes down. 56 INT. and uses them both to fend off blows. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. it makes a silly thunk.. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.. facing them.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. Shane fends the Ninjas off.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. toys fly. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo.. blinding him. With his foot. SHANE Okay -.then the Ninjas charge. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS..who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. They step back. several FURBIES hit the floor. He pulls the string.

KICKING a Ninja in the chest.? SHANE They're looking for a program. bawling. Kids. He really hugs them. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He A long pause -. SHANE It's safe.SHANE 57. He hugs them. he hugs Peter and Lulu. Shane isn't sure what to do. Then. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone... . TODD Who were they? What did they want.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. He sprays it in Shane's face. He runs to the broken window. Shane bangs the window sill. The cloud dissipates. ANGLE .SECONDS LATER Composing himself. and Shane sees he's now alone. disappointed to have lost them.. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. He squints. quietly knocks. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. You can open up..then the door creaks open.. Todd and Zoe enter... fearful.. It's okay. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. INT. blinded.. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. HALLWAY . Shane approaches Zoe's door.. SHANE Shhh. that your father invented. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. terrified.

I'll listen to you too. They hug him tighter. it's been a long night. From now on. He looks Zoe.a long pause. Then. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.okay? Zoe and Todd nod.. They shake -. and do what I say. Zoe answers it. okay? We need a little more cooperation here.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. Then. CLOSE-UP . as long as I'm here. too. eye to eye. They want this. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.then they hug him." And then. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. 58. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. LIVING ROOM .. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. the other kids join in. Shane offers his hand to shake. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC.. And I'm not going anywhere. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.. relieved. startled. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine.they all jump. The kids shudder.. Soon.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. all smiles. Shane is furious -. But nothing's gonna happen to you. INT. "Unchained Melody. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. Deal? Truce -. SHANE They're not after you. you listen to me. absolutely nothing pottery ..

Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. Plummer. The minivan pulls up. SHANE No . yes and no. EXT. SHANE's okay. You have any luck? JULIE Well. SHANE (very genuine) . It looks like some kind of "key".. She holds up the strange.. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days.happened you should worry about.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. They're gone. . two men tried to get into the house tonight. We just don't know what its for. I'm gonna be sticking even closer.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. students run in to school.MORNING Early morning. Nope. INTERCUT: INT. HOTEL ROOM . SCHOOL . and Shane emerges with the five kids... Don't worry -. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. everyone's fine. Shane takes the phone... metal two pronged KEY.we'll be just fine. We found something in the box. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. But we're not sure what it is. They were looking for GHOST. but they didn't find it.

Lulu's classmates all chant. squashed at a little desk. MURNEY . she wrecked a driver's Ed. a crazed TEACHER next to her.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT.INT. reacting each time she HITS the gas. sunglasses on. egg in some purple dye. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. An obstacle course with cones.she'll pay for the damage. SHANE Don't worry. EXT. SCREAMING." Then.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). I know it's good. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . shaking his head. car -. making a mess of an egg. then BRAKES.. and smiles at Shane. LULU'S CLASSROOM . HITS the gas. He dips an INT. who sits in the back. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND.. . then BRAKES.. ANGLE on Shane. Peter 60 She smiles. THE GYM . is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. They look concerned. Murney stands. mortified. "yeah. Shane stands off to the side.. LULU'S CLASSROOM . So. Zoe sits in a folding chair. ANGLE on Lulu.DAY Driver's Ed. Shane nods. Principal Claire next to him. He is gesticulating.

No. Zoe shrugs. But this. And that's not all. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. Shane stops. Todd and Zoe stand to go. Murney calls into the hallway. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. but -. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. what do you expect.. He does always miss sixth period. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice..yes. and I'm not sure what to do. boys will be boys -. 61. SHANE He's not a NAZI. Shane scowls. .... PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. Shane gives Zoe a look. and Shane walks them out. giving him a "skinhead" look.I'm a bit concerned. Todd enters.. what's going on. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought..but this is just sick..That? Lady's the boy. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS..) See if you can talk to the boy. it's not that -. (pulls Shane aside. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. I was doing a little recon in his locker.. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.

. MURNEY It's a date then. SHANE I'll talk to him. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. and leaps at Shane. huh? (Shane ignores him. Without warning. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. 62. we'll give these boys a treat.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. Kung team: Shane walks away. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . if you ask me. I'll show you a couple moves. MURNEY You're a good man. and keeps walking. Shane walks the kids out. stretching.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. as he passes.that whole family's no good. kicking him in the BACK.. I promise I won't hurt you. and Murney chases after him.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. maybe. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Shane. Murney laughs. and leaves. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Shane trips forwards to his knees. SHANE Another time.

Murney his head. SHANE Wait Todd. you're in charge. peering out her window. He starts to shut the window. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS.shakes Shane turns back. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. It's small for him. The window is wide open. but he . Shane holds Todd back by the arm. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. running around the corner. He enters. but instead he takes a deep breath. with a flowered basket. TODD'S ROOM .far down the block. keeping the contact. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. so the alarm didn't go off. do your homework. It looks like Shane might fight. signal me. EXT. he can see Todd. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. Shane screws the window shut. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE .. It's pink. Shane hops out the window. On the corner. SHANE Smart kid. Nothing. Shane looks out the window -. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. He sees Zoe. Todd runs towards the house.. and leaves. I want to talk to you. Shane parks. preheat the oven. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Keep all doors sealed. and snickers to his Team.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

weird or something? 66 .. or not? Everyone nods. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. Chicks dig guys who can dance..CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around.. BEAT. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. Todd looks up at Shane.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever... it's over... SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU.. show's off. Shane shakes his head. SHANE COMPANY -. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes... SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. LIESL We don't have a director.What if. Shane's glare. He smiles. they quickly assemble on stage. Shane straightens up. TODD . grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.. Todd looks devastated -... Liesl chimes in. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Shane looks at the Cast. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway.. they're not sure what to do. girls'll think I'm.

.. He peeks in -.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.Yes. SHANE ..LATER . Scott. I called him in his room. No wait! . What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. He turns out the light.. SHANE Okay.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I promise. YES WHAT? SHANE . LULU'S ROOM .. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again..LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. INT. angrily. INT.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall.. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR.. another girl picked up the phone. ZOE . furious. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. He hears Zoe in her room. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's stupid. I don't know why I let it get to me. I know it's no big deal... Shane exits. BREAKING something. I won't touch him. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.

.. Once there was a family of Elves. and they came in from the north.. setting up the scene with DOLLS. the little Elf family -.. He sits on the bed. To find a secret gnome. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.. Stumped. Uranium. So -they waited for cloud cover. (MORE) T S L 8. Let's see. Shane looks at her surprised.... The elves had to go in and take it three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. on Lulu's floor. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. he illustrates. ULU Tell me a story. Went into the magic forest.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. As Shane finishes the story. I 6 .. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.. facility. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.

and do the Panda Dance. Peter WAILS... INT. And you ain't got a chance..... We got `em all.. TODD You have to do the dance. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Even. and whispers to Peter. c'mon. Todd calls from the doorway. He made it up for him. NURSERY .. from across the hall. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . Lulu's fallen asleep. SHANE Oh. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance.. TODD I'll write it down for you. Peter starts bawling.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. I can't remember that thing. Then... or he won't stop. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. the teeniest little elf of all -. S 69.. lower than the floor. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. The wails get louder and LOUDER. Like dad used to do.. . head in the door....mean standing. Shane sighs.Rodriquez.

staring. with her Gameboy. (He does..MORNING . She gets out in shock. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. GARAGE .MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. SHANE Today you drive. PLUMMER HOUSE . Zoe realizes he's staring at her.) EXT. Humiliated. mortified.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. They turn to Zoe. He does the dance as he sings. terrified. Shane. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. and gets in the driver's seat. T the A 70. .. He sings again.. Shane hops forward three times.Shane sighs. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Shane crab-walks sideways.. Peter applauds. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. (Tyler in the snuggle). Chun. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Lulu is next to him. The Kids sit bolt upright. through the mirror. Chun gets his paper. Shane turns and catches Mr. just like the crabs do.

The Kids share a dubious look. S P .ZOE But -.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive.I can't even pass driver's Ed. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. I trust you.. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection.. no. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on.. Exactly. INT. Lulu and Todd are terrified. She pulls out. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No.. not the road. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. Zoe is surprised. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. MINIVAN . Zoe backs jerkily out. jerkily. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Shane is shaky. Shane is nervous.. but trying not to show it. Keep going. Touched.. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car.

EXT. Chastened. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground.. INT. the kids gulp and orderly march away.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Shane lets him down and heads into school. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Shane's . severe stare) Now.. SHANE Good. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. She's wearing a cute dress. CAFETERIA . Broken promises lead to broken legs.. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. being obnoxious. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables.. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. Before Scott knows what's happened.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. laughing. Claire strides into view. terrified. Next lesson. 1500 hours. Shane spots something. Zoe smiles.Claire BARKS out. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Shane jumps out of the car. KIDS boisterously run past. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . ZOE Ha ha ha. Scott's terrified. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. and a little make-up. with a few FRIENDS. trembling. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Suddenly -. hey head into the school.71. Shane unclenches his teeth. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Very funny.

Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . Principal Claire sighs "not again. She's waiting for him to say. and offers him a milk. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Wow.. you never know who you're going to run into. It's a miracle. Shane`s not so good at small talk. sailor? Thanks.eyes alight. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink.. Shane leaps over the table. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. S he sits beside him... something.. dragging . SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. S T P . Noon and none of them have been called to my office. Love it when he does that. Suddenly. too.." In one move. SHANE hey eat in silence. He smiles back. impressed. She smiles. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. him by the ear.

MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. intimidated.. Then: TODD I am not scared. I quit. MURNEY Winners never quit. Todd looks. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music.. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. It opens Friday. boy. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. M 73.. TODD Hey. Silence. MURNEY I've had it. Yeah I do. Freak? The Students snicker. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. I'm right here. . Murney turns around. now it all makes sense. I want to sing.. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Murney. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. What're you so scared of. Talk.. No one's sure they heard him right.. I.Murney shoves Todd forward. Murney gets up in Shane's face.

then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. protecting him. Your ass is mine.Shane steps them. The whole team wants to quit. Murney did not expect to be called out. taking flyers. Todd's telling the truth. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other reads: . and a lot of CUTE GIRLS.face to face.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. Everyone is watching. swarm TODD There is a man in my house -. You win. You suck. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. His voice cracks -. So're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. it's scary S 74. humiliated. M urney looks over at the Team. The Gym. They look to the ground sheepishly. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. furious -URNEY So -. He storms out. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Let's do it.and then a mob of Students. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. There is a stunned moment -. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. Murney looks around.

grabs onto Murney's waist. Murney lands on his back. Murney.3:00 mat. M URNEY on. hard. GYM . The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. climbs to feet and CHARGES again."Murney's getting his ass kicked. mumbling something. The bleachers are PACKED. quietly twitching on the ground. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. rushes Shane." INT. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Todd flops to the mat.BAM. Shane side-steps. and sweeps Murney -. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. shocked. Shane throws an arm around Todd. and they head out. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. S 75. WHAM. his The Wrestlers mouths drop.sending him right into the wall. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . 3:00. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Todd cheers Shane on. Murney bounds to his feet.

that's all. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. When I Rwanda. FOREST . right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. I got my troops waiting. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. too. Todd. They walk out. No brownies edible.Dislocated nerve. She gives him a thumbs up. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. Claire.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. BUGS. LULU We're Brownies. If you're not sure. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. TODD That was awesome. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. The crowd cheers. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. fascinated. . 76 SHANE either. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. TO: EXT.

.she hits EVERY ONE -. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. OLD FACTORY ..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. He laughs at his own joke. He signals her. Zoe .the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones.. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. Shane holds a stopwatch. and. this way -and the Von Trapp is set.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. and races through a slalom of orange cones -... Now the Nazis are gonna come in.fascinated.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. KICK.. In unison.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. PUNCH. He illustrates the stage directions. KICK. in between punches. EXT. EXT. The Duck watches all this -." INT. in perfect tempo. INT. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.we'll put Von Trapps here. PUNCH.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them.FRONT LAWN . here at the top of the stairs. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. The Kids don't get it. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. MALL PARKING LOT .DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. here. she burns rubber. NURSERY . She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. he reaches out and rocks it. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. the Girls PUNCH. PLUMMER HOUSE . MALL PARKING LOT .

EXT. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.. MALL PARKING LOT .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. EXT. but doesn't fall. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane gives her a signal.DAY -"1. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. He counts begins wriggling free. mercilessly. EXT.3. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT.. ODD . NURSERY . it teeters.. Hands a T . your life little girl. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.FRONT LAWN . she only clips one.. The Brownies attack.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. T I E 77.BACK YARD .. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. OLD FACTORY ." Lulu. INT.2.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.... They watch closely. as and then her BROWNIE uniform.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. blur.out and weaves the cones. in we WIDEN back.

odd tries the spinning kick.he's got it down. But sweet dreams. Again. Peter.EVENING . NURSERY . SHANE I'm not your daddy.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. THUD! Gazelle." Singing and doing all the moves -. now and then. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE.hard. Graceful. He kisses Peter on the forehead. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Peter. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. daddy. Peter Panda. He does a spin kick. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. but blows it. Todd tries the kick. Graceful. Shane is so touched. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. adding a James Brown flourish. he almost bursts into tears. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . 8. Then he tucks Peter in. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing.huh? Now. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. INT.

U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever.they LAUGH. The .The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. Across the lot. As he's comparing prices -. The Scout struggles. wearing the double snuggle. FORMATION. striking a cool pose.. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh a FLIP. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. scary. S SHANE That's my troop. proud. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. he lands on the ground hard. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. she wraps it around his arm. 9. You're gonna have to pay for that. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. tying him. the Chubby Cub Scouts. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. see them. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. In one move. the Other Scouts are scared.. but like lightning. INT. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. The Scouts share a look -.MOMMY! She lets him go -. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. He smiles. at their own table.he sees.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

JULIE The red tape is cleared up. A tear runs down Zoe's face. EXT. The phone rings.SHANE He's left alone.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. ANGLE .MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. we're on the first plane in the morning. BACK YARD . J 82. She throws her arms around Shane. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. HALLWAY . HOTEL . INT. Shane answers it. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. the kids are all abuzz. WITH: J INT. OE I never even got to say good bye.soldier. happy.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . talking excitedly.

SHANE Just another assignment. GARAGE . No reason for personal attachments. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. He pets the Duck. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front.. with.NIGHT hane turns the light on. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary.. Shane sighs morosely. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. the Duck starts quacking. unblinking. hane rises. Shane sits in a lawn chair. your wings aren't clipped. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. Gary sits in the next chair.The house is dark. Suddenly. he Duck stares. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Kids to play S . scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Three squares a day. INT. Shane turns.

INTERC UT: B harder. Nothing. DISSOLVE INT. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . . Shane looks on stunned. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. we see a CRANK WHEEL. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE.SHANE What happened. INT. crack the lock all night. TO: to S 84. shines it down the grate..CONTINUOUS There's a small room. he floor opens..MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. GARAGE . He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. only It's solid and inscrutable.. The break in its surface is a strange. He's been trying. No hinges or cracks. The wheel spins.. Shane dials a phone. unsuccessfully.... leading below the garage. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. The Kids are watching his progress. Shane steps down it. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. and then it gives. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. Lulu hands him a tool. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE.. He tries muscles rippling. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR.

whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. he answers it.. sir.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Everyone reacts happily.. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. TO: INT. Through a window. An ominous pause. It's in a steel vault.don't do anything `til I get there. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. Then we slowly MOVE UP. MRS.. CHUN CUT BACK . I've been trying all night. don't do anything further. W e PUSH INTO the house. GARAGE . towards the neighbor's house. GHOST. She looks stricken. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. Silently spying on Shane. Okay.. Bill's cell phone rings. Julie sits beside him. can't crack it. BILL .. After we turn this in to my CO.EXT.Lulu. excited. pleased. Except for -. We'll be there shortly -. relieved. I think I found GHOST. TO: INT. Bill reacts.. Away from Shane.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. GARAGE . and hangs up. Do you have it? SHANE No. SEDAN .

I 85.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . JULIE'S HOUSE . Lulu? You should be happy. in the next room.. J JULIE'S P. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. The rug is vacuumed.V.they hear. She trails off. KIDS VOICES .DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. INT. The fish tank is clear.SHANE He goes silent. Tongue-tied. HOUSE . Kids singing a beautiful.. LULU But. he has no answer. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. comes into the dark hall. Julie and Bill hop out. in shock..: The house is spotless.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. SHANE You guys better get ready.. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.O. should be home soon. Bill is carrying her suitcases. so they probably trashed the place. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). Shane -. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong.

CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. with songs they have sung. Dumb-struck. Bill steadies her. Julie starts bawling. Zoe is in a conservative dress... Julie goes to the.. then salutes back) Good job. The Kids rush forward and hug her.. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. She staggers to. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. INT. Lulu has bows in her hair. Across the room. She sees.. mom. Lieutenant. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. INT. ZOE Welcome home. featuring Todd.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. no dishes in the sink.(singing.... picture- . Shane sees Bill enter. smiling. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. ( B 6. DINING ROOM . Peter is fresh faced. S SHANE Captain. KITCHEN . Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. for a thousand years. 8 JULIE almost faints. BILL (he smiles wryly. a capella) .

Suddenly...INT. BILL I should hope not. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. pause) But I'll have to think about it. all I've never known is the military. Sir. SHANE That's kind of you. And I think I want to explore that some more. Shane... GARAGE . SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. S S 87. an ANGRY VOICE. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. ILL I'm really proud of you. Bill holds the pronged key. reluctant. anywhere you want. surprised. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . You just name it. I'm giving you your choice of assignment.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. Bill stops. Shane continues. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets.

then passes out.. startled. Shane puts his hands behind his head. hane takes control! He smiles. Things are spinning. CLOSE-UP . B 88. He takes a submissive position. while SLAMMING their heads together. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. reaching for Bill's key.SHANE Lights out.. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head..Shane and Bill spin. relishing a second of glory -.. .. GUNS DRAWN. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.. confused. and starts to fall.. Mrs.. Mr. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. Shane peers in confusion.. SHANE'S POV woozy. Chun comes closer. He is losing consciousness. MRS.. He turns. Chun. Disoriented. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr.when suddenly. and Mrs... Shane shoots Bill a glance. he looks up as he drops. There were delays. startled.

Bill inserts the two-pronged key. reaching. tied up. Peter has a JUICE BOX... L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. The Kids are furious. Chun) Keep an eye on them. The Korean Man (Mr. ILL North Korea pays better. INT. (to Mr. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. They THE VAULT! Spare. So did the Department of Defense. Chun) secures the room. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. 8 Bill grins. then slides OPEN! enter. The floor is covered with square tiles. GARAGE . 9.with me. Bill and Mrs.DAY Shane lies unconscious. Inside is a dark corridor. They anxiously tiptoe. He GAGS the kids. FADE IN: INT. scared. with two . and it CLICKS. bright and white. Julie glares. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. Bill and Mrs. Chun approach the steel door. NURSERY . exit. They whimper. INT.. livid. Charles trusted you. closing the window shades. JULIE I trusted you. Beside the safe is a red switch.. You -.BLACK. The door HUMS.. Bill checks the knots binding the children..

SAME TIME Mr. MR. The air is filled with an ominous.S. INT. then leans back against Zoe. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.. Chun is Bokay. Chun guards the kids.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Chun whirls -. eyeballing them icily.. He sneers. quickly assuming a fake bound position.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. MRS. With a rapid blur of finger-work. like a monstrous computer. But behind her back.. as if she hadn't moved. off shoulder eyebrows. HOUSE . low-pitched HUM. Mrs. had eyebrows. Lulu frowns. she hits her panic button! O. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. completely SINGED OFF. then Mr.. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. Lulu "looks" scared.. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket.the Kids look innocent. but the of her jacket is on fire. It's set on ARMED. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. Mr.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.. the Chun spins. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. she unties Zoe! Then -.needing a distraction. done. startled -. MRS. Bill eyes the safe. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. She confidently strides toward the safe -.. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. horrified -.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. Tyler GASPS. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . CHUN Just. CHUN But I've got some C4. BEEPING. Mr.

BEHIND TODD . then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun growls and starts to stagger up.. .. Skeptical. he drops to his knees in pain.. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Mr. she KICKS him right in the nuts.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Chun laughs: MR. Lulu runs. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun scowls. when he's at her level. Chun's face. snake-like move. Chun looks at Lulu. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. then. Chun's head. Mr. CHUN That's cute.. slamming the door behind her. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. It HURTS. Mr. he steps closer. Chun's leg. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. HAM without warning. They untie Julie. Mr.W Z 90.

SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. INT. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. they're trapped inside. DONNGGG -. M E M 91. Chun punches the door. He yells out furious! MR. INT. NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Mr.CONTINUOUS Mr. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her.but as Julie exits.doorknob. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. Bill lurches into view. his face COATED in white. I INT..Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. but the door won't budge.. INT. clutching her! The . CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. Chun's face. She SCREAMS.. FRONT DOOR . making a small hole. Chun falls back from the door. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . He sticks his face out the hole.. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach..

but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.I've got the keys. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. Chun THE RADIO. speaking in Korean: RS. MINIVAN .. INT. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. Chun comes racing around the house -. . She floors it.CONTINUOUS r. SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS are horrified. MR. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. ARGHH! driveway. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. unsure. Chun listens to Mr.. EXT. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.. HOUSE . then nod and run to the side garage. HOUSE . They start to run back. they're not going anywhere. CHUN Chun falls.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside..

SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. a CRACKLING of static. Then. B . What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Chun exits the vault. Julie GASPS. lying on the concrete. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. VAN . leading her to the secret door. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. GARAGE . as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Mrs. chilled. gaining on them.Charles didn't tell me about the room. Don't make me kill you too. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. INT. holding a military RADIO. oe runs a yellow.. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. I want to know how to get through the booby traps.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. INT. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. They step past Shane's body. It's getting old.

Bill deciding if he can trust him. Do it. Surprised. Chun zooming by.SHANE They look over -. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. as Zoe drives. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.. ILL .CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. Then -. It's like a chariot race.he clicks "talk" on the radio. they might wreck... Bring them back unharmed.Shane is standing in the doorway. He does something we can't see. to cut them off! INT. Bill.) Bill. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. MINIVAN .. my husband has question: MR. I'll get you in.. just please don't hurt anyone.. BILL Change of plan. MRS. CHUN Mr. ANGLE . Bill uncuffs Shane. The men stare down. BUSY STREET . everyone looks down. EXT. don't hurt the kids.DAY The vehicles race. ill eyes him. half on the sidewalk. SHANE (O. emotional.S.93. ZOE . He tries to pass them on the right. It's B risky.

Peter laughs.What's taking you? 94. and loses control. Mr. INT.. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Mrs. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. crayons.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him.. Chun off for a beat. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Chun ROLLS UP his window. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry.... Hair spray. Exasperated. Chun with debris: milk cartons. M R.. Bill waits impatiently. It throws Mr. Chun SCREAMS. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Chun holds Julie. . TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Mr. disoriented. Shane is figuring his options. She Mr. Mr. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. triumphant. Zoe looks over.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. In the van. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. SECRET VAULT . then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. orange peels.

now. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. ill cocks his gun. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. go get it -. Lulu.A bewildered beat -. Shane SQUIRTS it. landing on his hands and knees. Shane leaps back. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS..then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. BILL Code or no code. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Tyler! Bill reacts. Shane gets up. over one beam and ducking under another -. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Peter.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Shane steps forward. . He speaks aloud. Watch.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. sending him flying backwards. confidently: J B B 95 . in pain. Shane steps forward . Todd. Sweat drips down Shane's face.. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Bill laughs. puzzled.

then back: smiles. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.SHANE Shane's thinks. Something she said..JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. Bill and Julie share a look -.. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Shane LAUGHS sharply. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. . E 96 . Shane he steps forwards. NOTHING HAPPENS. just like the crabs do. And you haven't got a chance. Julie relieved.they have no idea what he's laughing about. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. Calmness comes to Shane's face. and do the Peter Panda Dance. He feels the Groove. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. not quite centered to the room. When you're down and low. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. across two tiles. He steps sideway. fearlessly. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. lower than the floor. Again -. He thinks. CLOSE-UP .NOTHING HAPPENS. He takes a deep breath. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).

Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. 9 7. Use the gas. ZOE Come on. EXT. The Squad Car's lights flash takes a while. imbedding itself where he was Shane is have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. from the ceiling. his focus gone. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. and our bodyguard -. 5-0. If he'd been standing. and he catches up with the minivan -. They have my mom.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. Inside is the Cute Cop.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. BUSY INTERSECTION .SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. he'd be toast. not the brake. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. they're FLYING. Zoe blows past it. When he steps back -. Don't follow me! .

My intelligence proved to be faulty. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.. at a safe distance. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed.. Claire frowns. but if I had more resources.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. EXT. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. 98. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. Following the chase. Squad Car turns around and chases her.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. The Squad Car is on its tail. is Mr. Suddenly. She shakes her head. . sliding forward. SCHOOL .. Zoe U-turns. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. and speeds back towards her house. Then better jump quick.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. concerned. PLUMMER BASEMENT . SUBURBAN STREET . nervously. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. the Minivan SPEEDS by. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. pool of liquid. INT. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. NECK-BRACE. I accept full responsibility. in a cloud of smoke. It's acid. EXT. almost running it off road. like there ain't no floor..

BILL I'll take that as a "no. Bill signals for Mrs. Beat. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Shane. to the left of the HOLE. All that we stand for.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him.and walks across the room. "Just hold your breath. Immediately. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Chun follows. He lands in front of THE SAFE." . She gestures back: you go. The Booby Traps are disarmed. Bill looks around.he waves his hand over the floor. I knew you'd figure it out. Finally. The whole room goes SILENT. sir. You were always my best man. Shane scowls. Bill takes a breath -.. almost done. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. He's relieved -. and jumps back. Mrs. pulling Julie along. Whew. What do you say -. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. He holds his breath just in time. disgusted. He nervously steps forward .. BILL Thank you. Chun to go first. if you're willing to join up. to calm down) Almost done. The safe's red light turns green. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Bill shrugs. and jump to the left. 99. And you betrayed all of that. Nothing happens. It's a stand-off." He jumps.

BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. MRS. BILL (CONT'D) .. I walked the floor first. Nothing happens. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Relief. BILL None requested. Chun. but Shane gazes coldly. hitting Bill's arms. head.. Chun reaches out. SHANE There will be no mercy. shaking from the voltage. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. legs! He's crazed. Chun LEAPS onto his back. then PUNCHES him in the gut. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares.Bill turns to the safe. Bill is off guard.. But suddenly Mrs. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. I think you better open it. Bill gestures to Mrs. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. You open it. trying to read Shane's poker face. unrelenting. Bill LUNGES. . Shane shrugs. her hair on end. Bill is incensed. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. She turns it. Reluctantly . then catches himself.. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Something's not right.. Shane reaches for the safe. SIZZLING. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. and touches the dial. Mrs. He starts to reach for the dial.Mrs. Full of himself. Chun doesn't budge..

knocking her out. everyone is SCREAMING. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. SIRENS wailing. unable to gain her balance. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. PLUMMER'S STREET . They punch.O. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. spin. The Police Cars . Suddenly. Shane narrows his eyes. the wind knocked out of him. SHANE . delivering a series of hard punches. She catapults. stumbles backwards across the room. Bill is charging him. K. landing on his back in front of the safe. which Shane deflects -.BILL He steps over Shane. saved. Shane shakes his head. IN THE VAN. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. SHANE You're a. good night. Say. then whispers/sings.! EXT. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. It's clear the both have the same training. He jumps to his feet. She smiles.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat.. terrible neighbor. kick. he drops and FLIPS her.. Shane tumbles. But he's unforgiving.. OOF! Bill tumbles.they tangle like pro's. Leering mercilessly. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. Shane COLD-COCKS her. tottering. chase after. ANGLE . Shane struggles to lose her. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat.. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. connecting only occasionally.

SECRET VAULT . But it's too late. Shane steps out. They look in silence. smoke BURNING from the tires -. She smiles at Shane.O. HOUSE .) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. INT.SAME TIME Total commotion. Shane gently removes it.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. GHOST. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. Cops surround them. with their hands raised.. Then -. The Kid spill out and run. The van SKIDS. from the car.and hits a tree.. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. Whoa. SHANE . then look in the safe: Inside.. Now we can go back to our peaceful. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.101. then BRAKES. The garage door raises.. JULIE Thank you Shane. It's finally over. The kids clamber from the van. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . grateful.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.

HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. Silence. Nobody is sure what to do. He scoffs.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. officer.. I suggest you call the FBI. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. Julie and Shane Freeze. triumphant.CUTE COP FREEZE. helpless. Even Chun is amazed. Cops cover Shane and Julie. He's disheveled and manic. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.. ZOE But. Zoe. Chun stands inside the gate. Shane spins. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -.S. you're in a lot of trouble... CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Shane weighs his not so many options. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. vaults onto Chun. as he turns his head. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.a CRAZED SCREAM. The Cops are unsure what to do. MR. 10 2. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes.. Mr. CHUN (O. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins.... But then -. and grabs the MR. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. Now. uh. Numerous. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER.

. PLUMMER HOUSE . swelling with pride. watching the FBI Agents work.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. DISSOLVE TO: EXT.I. Shane examines it. CLOSE-UP .THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD..rocket launcher. F. F .B. ANGLE . he . SHANE Just doing my job. COP I think I'll call the FBI.I. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. AGENT Mr. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. This chaos is unsolvable. reaches for his radio. You're a one-man battalion.LATER F. Shane talks with an F. AGENTS swarm the area.B. Agent.I. INT.SHANE He breaks into a big grin.B.I.B.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. Wolfe. 103. CLOSE-UP . that was nice work. GARAGE . Julie huddles with the kids. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. then walks off.

Yes. Shane looks at her. a letter. On. Todd. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. then Julie found the key. The Plummers hug each other.... EXT. Her siblings. from the safe. Zoe. I don't see anything but reasons to stay.. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. She sees. I always have.. Peter. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. fallen onto the floor. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission.. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. say -. I'm kinda. and Julie notice. SHANE Well. A tear comes to her eye. 104. re-conning the situation. I'm on dry land. He looks around: at the family..I want to say: I love you more than anything. He looks at Claire.. I don't know. And to tell the truth. here. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. Tyler. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. Julie. Summer's almost here.. and gather around. You're the superior office.. Lulu -. Mock-angry. You tell me. Does it itch? Yes.Maui? ..

He starts to head off. For everything. to shake his. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe .his medal.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. P ETER Love you. Julie looks up. Shane.he hugs the whole family at once. Thank you. come here you. Guess you have to go now. Lulu turns to Shane. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. squeezing them off the ground. Like he did. 105. A long beat.he can't keep it in.Sir yes sir. ZOE But. I'm gonna . baffled.. The Plummers all approach. SHANE Claire beams. Shane bawls -. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. sad. She puts out her hand. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. He puts them down. Your work here is through..SHANE This is too much. TIGHT . LULU This is it. Zoe gives them a look -.. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about.. SHANE Ah. He wipes his face. He squeezes her hand around it. interrupting.

" In the audience. Claire: dressed to the nines. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. A STANDING OVATION. You Are Sixteen begins. Farewell.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. VICTORIA THEATRE. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him." Hearts swell. The AUDIENCE goes nuts.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. his hair combed. BACKSTAGE . SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg.a Michael Jordan dunk. In SLOW MOTION. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. It's fantastic -. Scott: in a suit. They all watch. beaming with pride. even Murney. Julie watches in astonishment. The performers take their curtain . hit your marks. until he sits back down. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. She is surrounded by her children. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Shane stands. rapt. Todd spins. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Shane watches with bated breath. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. the little Brownie Troop.

He humbly steps into view -.html on December 9 2010 . then giddily gesture Shane to come out.-The. THE END http://www. FADE OUT.calls. Thundering applause. Shane smiles.and the house goes crazy. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. Mission accomplished.

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