THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry

Karaszewki

March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --

retracting

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BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

terrified.SIMULTANEOUS 4. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. Up to his nose. I'm gonna get you outta here. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.. PLUMMER How did you know where I. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. hauling the Professor up. My way -. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. but can't get free. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. As the water rises..CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. over his head. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. him his oxygen. But you have to do exactly what I say. EXT.no highway option. He's gone. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. He tries force the door open. He cuts the Professor's GAG. Shane removes his mouth piece.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold.. when I say it. . they're almost out of ammo. INT. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. One of our SEALS calls out to them. When it finally opens. SHIP'S HOLD . Plummer screams.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles.. ON THE DECK . to the roof. United States Navy.

CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. Hold on. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. HELICOPTER .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. SHIP'S HOLD . holding the Professor.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. clearly he loves this kind of day. terrified. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. SHANE INT. more!" They do.. OCEAN'S SURFACE . pulling the Professor in behind him. then disappear gracefully back into the water. HELICOPTER . INT. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Shane takes a deep breath. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. INT.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. He . Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. EXT. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. 5.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. and pulls himself.

CHARLES Lieutenant.. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. Please. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Lieutenant. (then) Don't you have a family? 6.beside him. thank you. PLUMMER Oh my God. the Professor looks terrified. That was the most incredible. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. CHARLES I'm safe. shutting him up.. waits.. Charles stops Shane.. I'm just not big on chit chat. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. how'd we. EXT.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely.. Not imperative to the mission. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative.. She thinks I'm dead. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. rotors whirling slowly. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . We have to keep moving. I can't believe you. .

DEAD. then hands him his satellite phone. Lulu. puzzled. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. Peter. Shane drops. Charles dials his cell phone.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. It's voice activated. INT. that's my specialty. Todd.. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. Charles dials. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case.. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code... He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe... nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. Designed it myself. SHANE We're almost ready.couldn't crack it. The briefcase pops open. and talks. you want to see it? Negative.Charles picks up his briefcase. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. PAVE HAWK .. Shane considers. Tyler. I'm alive.. WHAM. back to him. knocked unconscious. PILOT sits. RUN!!! black. I have a picture of my kids in here.. Shane looks at him. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. All goes . I do security. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward..

Bill sits down beside the bed. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . F ADE TO BLACK: EST. HOSPITAL . EXT. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. There is huge explosion. I know sir. barely conscious.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. PAVE HAWK .7.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire.: Everything is a blur. as the chopper ignites. And a good friend. SHANE . SHANE'S P. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. He takes a long look at Shane.. HOSPITAL . A Huey Helicopter lands. in slow-motion. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant.. He sees Charles.friendly. Captain. despondent. unassuming. He looks around. Everything is ablaze. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -.O. and takes Charles' Briefcase. He holds a REPORT in his hand. You're the best man I ever trained. His arm and face bandaged. but he does it anyway. sir.V.it hurts to salute. Shane reaches out. unconscious. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.

Then..: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.T. as I stated in my report. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. BILL Not a surprise. G. he pulls off bandages.T.. He called it G. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. and starts to rise. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.. It's not that kind of mission.a genius.. He can't believe his good fortune. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. I. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. is still out there. Bill considers this. disappointed. BILL . Invigorated.SHANE He had to call his family.H.. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. disconnects an IV. He pulls up a chair. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. and sits opposite Shane.O. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.. I'm gonna need the mini sub.S.. SHANE Sir. really.. appreciate your confidence. . Bill shakes his head. SHANE The case was empty sir.S. 8. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. Thank you. Shane sits up.H.O. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.

Whoever killed the professor must think G. and protect them. Maybe it is. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.T.Shane listens.O. The family's scared. He's a good man. Shane is shocked. Shane Wolfe... SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that.S. presses play. CUT TO: INT. is in that house. sir. call Lt. anyway..) Honey. I got a call from the professor's wife. It's just that. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared..if anything happens to me. top to bottom. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. (MORE) 9. CHARLES (O. I've never been very good with kids. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. Searched the place.S. maybe it isn't.H. I need someone to stay at that house. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. I'm alive. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. She told me someone had broken into her home... sir. intrigued..NIGHT . BILL The professor's wife requested you. I love you. Either way. BILL .. hearing the dead man's voice... I should go. Shane is surprised. Widow. Not even when I was a kid sir. SHANE'S APARTMENT . BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. I'll call you in an hour.

The sprinklers go off. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). machete. . old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.V. Hm. EMALE VOICE (o. Shane double-checks the address. SUBURBAN STREET . Shane looks down -. Shane looks like a bad ass. identical to the one he wears.. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.s. camouflage vest. It SQUEAKS.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens.. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. night vision goggles. Lulu eyes Shane. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. Shane frowns. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. peering up at him. 10. He looks at for a moment.. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. Shane's P. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. He reaches in.then the door swings open. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside.O. and pulls out a small. Shane eyes Lulu. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat.Shane packs his duffel bag. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. ready for anything. we're not interested. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk.) (before she sees Shane:) Look.. they all go in. with toys all over the lawn. Shane heads to the door. 8. also identical to the one he wears. He rejects it. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. EXT.and sees LULU.: Julie's unkempt suburban house.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the

11.

KIIIDDS!!!

JULIE

Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.

12.

JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-

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But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . it's Bill Fawcett. I have some potentially good news.. through the kitchen window. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. Julie and Shane share a look. Helga will . INT.. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. Julie casually answers it. JULIE That's wonderful. This could all be over! BILL (o..) There's a catch. listening to the conversation. INT. We slowly pull out. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.Nighttime -. Swiss law says only his family can access it.MORNING stand hug Julie. JULIE What is it? BILL (o.s.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. with her suitcase.s. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. The phone RINGS inside. Through the window. 14.s. entersJULIE I'll be there. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. I think it could contain GHOST. LIVING ROOM .) Julie. Shane..NIGHT Shane. BILL (o.the family eats dinner.

it's just. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. H S . No.. I am a mom. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do.. HELGA Everything will be fine. Plummer. are you licensed to kill? . And on the back door. And on the phone..we'll be fine. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Helga will take care of everything else. it's my job to worry.handle everything. I'll be back in 48 hours.. chill. And guys.. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.. They'll be safe with me. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. .. SHANE Don't worry.. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. do it. I'm gonna miss you... Mrs. ZOE Mom -. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. I love you guys. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.

Immediately. I make bottle. INT. pouring in Cheerios. INT..s. He shuts off the - .. You do something. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.NIGHT hane rushes in -. SHANE (CONT'D) . Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.5. elga stomps out. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. on a short ladder. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. Shane heads down the hall. Shane turns off the light. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. can't find him.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . when in the corner of his eye -. Shane shakes his head. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Gary suddenly FLIES by . looks around for the CRYING BABY..NIGHT Shane. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM ..WHRRP! Shane ducks..

. house like a marionette. Shane runs.window alarm and sneaks out silently. Zoe -. come on Scott. Zoe! . Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. I'll call you. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door..CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. ..go back inside. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. He's dazed. tool. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. S COTT . SHANE Not with this kid. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. 16. EXT. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. Shane LIFTING him in the air.BACK YARD . fine.. runs off. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure.. ZOE Okay. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled.. jumps onto the trampoline. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. PLUMMER HOUSE . but alright. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. calling out from across the street. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. They both tumble to the ground. ZOE He's my boyfriend.

MR. so we're up kind of early. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. PLUMMER HOUSE . I INT.. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. CHUN . The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.Zoe storms inside. The alarm stops. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. CHUN (perfect English. The Alarm's still blaring. Shane's about to head inside. huh baby-sitter? Mr. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff.NIGHT . IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 .. THE CHUNS. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket... Look. pop their heads out. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. SHANE My apologies. no accent) We speak English. SHANE MRS.. CHUN Thanks a bunch. Oh. we own a bakery. A simple misunderstanding. Shane stands there. Sorry. Oh. MR. Kojak. We had an intruder. Shane addresses them. fuming. and we found this in our pool filter. They're arguing with each other in Korean..

She has to hop on one foot. ZOE Who do you think you are -. You should have told her the truth. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Bite me! Shane frowns. bangs on Todd's doorLights out.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. Shane shuts her door. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. Shane marches back down the hall. Loud. S W 1 8. lower than the floor. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. SHANE Not anymore.) sing). to not fall over. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Shane flips her foot in the air. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night.s. Zoe falls backwards into the room. continues down the hall. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. .

he wriggles on the floor. The Children. Shane shakes his head. Three steps forward. and do the Peter Panda Dance. then "crab-walks" sideways. one step back. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. She does.groove.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. INT. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. In the bedrooms. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. . PLUMMER HOUSE . T Z Z T 19. just like the crabs do.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. warm orange light. HOUSE . HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. in bed -. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening.laugh and laugh. EXT. Peter in his bed. Then jumps up. to their beds.

You're insane.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Todd blinks groggily. S . motionless. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. INT. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Not in front of the kids. ODD It's Sunday.odd is out cold. oe is wrapped in blankets.m. disoriented. 20 . Suddenly his door flies open -.. not understanding what's happening.MORNING Todd sits up. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. like she's been electrocuted. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. TODD'S ROOM . Move. HALLWAY . Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. L Move. carrying the crying baby.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. half-asleep and angry. Covering their ears.. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. Helga runs through in hair curlers.

) Shane's jaw drops. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up.LATER The children are assembled. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. . INT.. lined up tallest to shortest. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.do you. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.. ladies. HELGA (She curses Again. shocked.he gives him a look of disbelief. L 21. No highway option.. sucking on a bottle. Your behavior is unacceptable. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler..do you. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. in Romanian. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. KITCHEN .

a tense silence. he's furious. Angry. ZOE I am not wearing that. The panic button is only for emergencies.you better be dying. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Red 2. SHANE Tracking devices. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula.. Now that I know I can't trust you. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Shane bounds up the stairs. wait.and you do it.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. S ULU (CONT'D) .(pointing) Red 1.Shane starts to speak then thinks better... where's the older male? There were five. He yells at her. I tell you what to do -. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . ZOE He's in his room. Shane bangs hard on it. Shane tries to maintain decorum. Everyone stares blankly -. Red Leader. Everyone cracks up. P eter farted. INT. or you're dead. So you are -. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Touch that -. Red baby. but it's locked. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. He tries the knob.. End of chain. Never take them off. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.

and Todd comes sauntering back. Zoe comes up the stairs. hits Shane on the head. INT.. He sees Shane.22. this wouldn't have happened. INT. A piece of the ceiling falls. Todd nods in agreement. and head down the hall. He has to go. patrolling. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris...LATER ZOE . Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. to her room. HALLWAY .. If you'd been wearing it.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. INT. The entire frame collapses. Down the hall -. Shane steps aside.a FLUSH.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. She stops at Todd's door -.they glare at Shane. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. I can fix this. then CRASHES inward. PLUMMER HOUSE .MORNING . the destroyed door and wall. Oops.

Shane turns.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. to see that Peter is chasing her. Lulu SHANE Hey. He rushes for the front door. Really? His eyes light up. PAPERBOY (O.S. LULU This house is haunted. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. hey. he hears something suspicious -. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. He said there's a ghost. I don't know. Lulu hides behind Shane. Peter! screams. just as -. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. Daddy even said so.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. clicks his alarm remote opens it. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. L S 23. wearing a towel as a sheet. HALLWAY .the MORNING PAPER connects with his face.WHACK -. And then it hits Shane. hard. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. Peter Booos again.LATER . He pretends to be a ghost.the rumble of a car approaching. His head shifts. INT.

.. ZOE Here he comes. listening for hollow spaces. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.Shane walks slowly down the hall. inally. T IGHT . pushing. I INT. feeling.. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. She screams. appears. Nothing. Zoe whispers. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. Searching. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. He goes back to the living room.. then turns his attention to his laptop. as laundry flutters down from above.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.a creak. Shane scans it. all the way down. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. MR. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall.ZOE AND TODD . STAIRWAY . Then -. He RAPS again. F . The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. scanning the ceiling. carrying a huge laundry basket. When he hears an alert from his laptop. BANGING her head and ass on each step..

He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass.They gulp. Then looks back to the paperwork. but can't get the page to turn. . BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. this is an urgent matter. He seems to be about 100 years old. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. Not in Switzerland. I can't. He licks his finger again. then licks his finger to turn the page. BANKER Marcel! out. SWISS BANK . He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. ZOE Uh-oh. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. The Banker looks at him blankly. terrified. Bill can't stand it anymore. He feebly gets up. INT. They wait patiently -. EXT. we're going to have to file a complaint.DAY Establishing. If we can't get some faster service. SWISS BANK . looking jet-lagged. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. mouthing along in FRENCH. It's taking him a LONG time.DAY Bill and Julie. 25. He jumps to his feet.

MARCEL. the chief does not speak English. suitcases in hand. remain calm -- 26. HELGA I am calm. As she tries to wrestle it away. SHANE (CONT'D) .Another Banker. He DRAGS her back.you will have access to the box tout-suite. How long is that? INT. Shane dives. heads to the door -. RING! Amid the chaos. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. Peter's in the aquarium. Oui. PLUMMER HOUSE . JULIE Thank you. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. But I can tell you -. He grabs her suitcase. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. The suitcase handle breaks off. As soon as your background checks clear. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. and Helga dashes for the door. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. I QUIT. enters. Shane picks up the receiver. Suddenly. QUACKING. The duck flies around. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. Shane moves for the phone. grabbing her foot.Shane tries to block her path.SAME TIME Helga.

27. (covering the phone. HOUSE . Helga scampers out the door. that landed on a diaper. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -..Ah. Mrs.. Shane lets go. Shane body-checks it closed.everything's fine. Shane hangs up the phone. Helga struggles to get him off. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. EXT. against the counter. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door.Helga falls forwards.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab.. He picks up his hand. Duty. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause.. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Mrs. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. Just doing my. CRUNCH. and Shane falls back.

SHANE Okay..he slowly glances up. dumbfounded. we're just gonna have some more big fun. listen up. Helga glares back. to find the kids are all gloomy. ANGLE ..Helga jumps in the cab. she'll come back. . The 28.CONTINUOUS Shane enters.SHANE Rises. baby cries. defeated. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. in the rear window. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up.. ANGLE .. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. Then -. He drops his head. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. HOUSE .SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. In the meantime. There's been a change of plans. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. if she loves you. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. takes a deep breath and strides inside. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him.

holding his nose.. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. Only then can we rise to the challenge. nice moment.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. 29. BATHROOM . takes a deep breath..SHANE He gulps. All for one. INT. I'm Navy. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. SHANE Whoa. inundated. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. . And then -. Nobody will help. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. Pure self-preservation. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. Using the tools as chopsticks.it flops open. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. everyone bolts from the room.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. Until -. SShane GROANS.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. your enthusiasm. repelled. CLOSE-UP . HEY! Even Peter runs.

LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. . Aghast. Shane tries approaching -. 30. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. she just stares at him. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. Lulu follows at his heels. She follows.SHANE The things I do for my country. he looks down to see Lulu.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. INT. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. he looks around for a solution. Lulu doesn't go away. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. SHANE (unsure how to respond. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. I think you're cute. LULU Hi.. HALLWAY .) Thank you. over and over and over. then FLUSHES..he can't do it. Lulu is in her pj's. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. like a puppy.

pulling down the shades on every window.BREAKFAST . confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. and shuts off her light. The Kids stare at "breakfast. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. like he's an idiot. INT. in beddibye land. Todd. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. all the kids asleep. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. KITCHEN . On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. 31. And I've survived off this stuff for months. All the lights are out. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -." dubious.Shane walks room to room. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. little girl. Shane smiles. I can get lots more of those. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. The kids sit down at their designated spots. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. and patrols. Lulu looks at him.it's time for you take a nappypoo. .MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. proud of his accomplishment.

I can cross my eyes.is not here to take care of you now. And the phone rings. Peter starts bawling... The table cloth is yanked to the floor. He runs away. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. all for one. . ZOE He's only two. you stay in. trying to hear over the screaming. dancing.here's how it's gonna be. We're gonna pull together..ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. you go out. So -. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. crying. Shane sighs. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. then at Tyler -. Your mama -. one for all. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears....who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. Shane turns to Lulu. if I say out. If I say in. (then:) Yes... Wanna see? Negative.. Shane answers. Peter stands in his chair. too.. LULU . I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.. ladies..

Oh. EXT. and at that ." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. INT. SHANE Not on my watch. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. Zoe smiles at him.. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. EXT... into a TINY parking spot -.p. It just doesn't add up. I know it's Monday. sir. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . legal guardian. yes. backwards at sixty m.h. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. Shane fumbles with it for a while. perfect parallel park. you and Todd are expelled. With your . LULU We're gonna be late. The Minivan skids completely sideways. It hits ZERO. Across his chest. INT. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. innocently...MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.. He wants to see you in his office.9:29 A.M. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. Thank you.. GARAGE .MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive.a death defying.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. He hangs up. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. GARAGE . He said if you're late again. dramatically unveiling Shane. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. A big suburban school.. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom.

moment. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. as he plays on the floor. He withers. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. too. Out of twenty-three. He glares at Shane. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). I coach wrestling. they needed a parole officer. Duane. a few days. conduct and truancy. whatever work you can get. I'm Murphy. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Well. He's HUGE and mean. . holding Peter on a harness. tough.. The Kids crack up. You're in my house now. Looks like Mrs. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle.P in charge of discipline. Top to bottom. V. mortified. Murney is unimpressed. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. Shane. assured. K thru 12. They're the worst students in my school. son? SHANE Wolfe.. The Kids are seated around him. boy. Lieutenant. Murney is furious. She's attractive. Plummer finally listened.

as he casually holds the three kids. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. Claire sees this -. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Plummer called my captain.. Shane checks his TRACKER -. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. that as vice principal. Good. You see.. Mrs.two little red DOTS move away. staring him up and down. Red 2. SHANE Red 1. The teens hustle off to their classes. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. What are you doing in my office. Principal Claire eyeballs him. impressed. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. She told me all about you. The opens the door for Murney. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. BELL rings. I think I can handle this from here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.. 34. fuming.and suddenly reacts. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. (then.Good morning kids. Get moving. Plummer. He exits. Lieutenant. I am in charge of..

Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. SHANE Can't be too careful. On the spot. Just try not to frighten the children.. Welcome aboard. So. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.(Shane nods.MID-MORNING seeShane.. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. to balance Shane.. Courage. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. That's the way I live my life. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. She lifts her pants leg. SHANE "Honor. JUMP CUT TO: EXT.. dead serious. Service paid for my college. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. The 35. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. SHANE .. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. Claire looks nervously around. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. and the way I run my school. SHANE ..

as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class.last time: Open the hanger.V. INT. with stern intensity. He turns to the person front of him. in Shane puts down his binoculars.. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. in line to get lunch. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Now -. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off.O. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Lulu sees Shane and waves. He checks his tracking device. 36 . Todd. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.. like a tether ball.. delighted. Black Hawk coming in. Beside Shane. Shane closes the computer.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Official Business. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. BINOCULARS P. Save us both a world of pain.. sitting in the back row of a class. Todd. Zoe. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. two.O. . with a group of HIP FRIENDS. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. turns her back to him embarrassed. SHANE Give up now. CAFETERIA . yanks his hood over his head.Clean as a whistle. picks up a pair of binoculars. does the same.: Five hundred students eat at long tables.V. one.

Oh. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. When you agreed to serve your country. I guess. lieutenant. You're on dry land. huh? Shane gives her a look. Tyler laughs. (she looks at his chair) Well.... Sure. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. Principal Claire smiles. you know. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. I'm impressed. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. man. .. with milk. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that.Tyler gurgles. Seriously. Can I call you Shane? . you don't. ignoring him. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness.. Mr. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. (she toasts. A whole day. Claire smiles. Shane sighs.but you're pretty good at this. SHANE Hey -. He yanks Tyler away from him. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. not so dry where you're sitting.) Shane. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds..I out rank you. 37.

Then vice principal Murney steps forward.That's. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. I don't care who starts it. unusual..CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. INT. MURNEY You heard the lady. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. (Todd) 38. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. in the crowd. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. MURNEY He did. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. VP Murney is watching. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. cheering. Look at him. Zoe. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. LUNCH-LINE . Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table.. the crowd freezes. next week's tournament is off. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. and "punches fists" with him. As soon as they see the Principal.. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner.. Personally . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. Murney smirks. but not stopping it. impressed.

Boys'll be boys.. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. promise I'll go easy on you. sticking the landing. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite.. He'd kill you so fast. Murney approaches Shane.I think that's a little harsh. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. sir. Don't even think it. That's right. Maybe you could stop by practice. MURNEY Oh. The Bell rings. Sorry. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. . Murney. SHANE .. what do you say? Come on. SHANE . 39 .total control. Frogman -. Maybe some other time then. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it..I'm a black belt myself. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. stopping an inch from Shane's head. MURNEY Pretty slick. (low. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -.Todd lands on his feet. I'm on duty. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. the crowd breaks up. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . flinch.. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. yeah. man. Nice moves. Todd lunges at him.

aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Then Shane smells what she means -.INT. Uh. Roger that. following his tracking device. Not my job.. Panicked. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. Bathroom's down the hall. 40.Tyler's diaper is full.. Just then. holding Tyler out like a grenade. INT. SHANE Oh -. Lt.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. minus taxes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. But. another dollar twenty. The Principal strolls up. as he keeps watch. Shane recoils in disgust.change him. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . Have fun. doing a shoulder roll.. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . SCHOOL HALLWAY . Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. for one who'll eat. Peter is asleep in his shoulder..2:55 Shane looks exhausted. and not cry. Emergency! SHANE INT.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. He bursts though it. Tyler is crying.CONTINUOUS .. It leads him to a door.

EXT.the Class applauds. HALLWAY . his Tracker Alarm sounds again.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. almost tipping the minivan.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Lulu is in front of the class. He hands her to the Principal. At that moment. I INT.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . Shane is furious. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. through the fence. but the FINAL BELL rings.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. Shane lands in fight stance -. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. They make a sharp right. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. with the Panic Button in her hand. SHANE EXT. He speeds away after them. EXT. He leaps out of the minivan. are heading away from the school fast. He blasts through a red light.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. Shane makes a right. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. 41. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. CONSTRUCTION SITE .MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. BUSY INTERSECTION . He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. racing down the road ahead of Shane. EXT. Thanks.

he sees the blinking lights below the surface. PLUMMER HOUSE . SQUISHY footsteps.the DOTS are CLOSE. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. It's horrific. He catches his breath. .LIVING ROOM . CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. IN THE MANHOLE . A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. Shane trudges through the river of muck. all brandishing tools. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. then checks his tracker. you're about to get a beat down. and the sound of OMINOUS.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. they hear the front door open. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. Shane easily takes them out. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.SHANE He's alone.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE.then gasps -. No sweat. SEWER . feet away. ANGLE . INT. He winces. He takes a deep breath and dives under. Shane lowers himself down. INT. then checks the tracker -. From outside. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. and charges through.then RUN.section. Three Workers rush him. Shane pries off the manhole cover.It's dark and dank.

LATER Tyler is in a high-chair.p.. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. use our nonemergency number. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.. Covering her nose.b. INT. Zoe fixes her hair. Todd stiffens. weird hair. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. Call. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. The Cop looks at them.Then the door swings open. then covers their noses. . with a smirk. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. KITCHEN .. . he doesn't say anything. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. 16 year old female.LATER Shane is in the shower. revealing Shane. Everyone gasps. thank you.. BACK YARD . She practically GAGS as she passes him..DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. The smell is BAD. The Cop turns to Shane. Ditto. looking like a Swamp Creature. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. BATHROOM . CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. If you need anymore help. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. 43 INT. Zoe checks him out as he goes. The Cop leaves. INT. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.

LULU We have to. cringing in disgust. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. FAMILY ROOM .. They won't be home `til ten. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . in just a towel. close to tears. (whispers:) Come on. And it's not like I have any other friends. LULU I can't. INT. He sees on the fridge.all junk food. He looks at it. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. SHANE (O.Shane enters. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. Shane. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. pulling Lulu after him. You gotta help me out. If we don't sell enough cookies.S. They already think I'm a loser.. Monday.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop.) Get rid of them. Mom's our den mother. they're staring at him.a dozen little girls in uniforms. Lulu starts to sniffle. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. it's Monday. 4. The Brownies applaud. we can't go the Jamboree. 4 . and whistle.

DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. Shane blows passed her. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. yeah. the other to his back.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS.. unpacking boxes of cookies. he's a total psycho. Indian Style. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. ZOE'S BEDROOM . . INT. INT. Now -.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH.MOMENTS LATER Shane.. do as I say.. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. Shane sighs.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window.. LIVING ROOM . That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. Zoe's on the phone. ladies.wait here. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. then drills it into place. Here's how it's gonna be. SHANE Alright. They are assembled. getting ready to go. KITCHEN .Lulu's about to burst into tears. at attention. BROWNIE Den Mother? . I'm gonna be your den -commander. ZOE . Tonight. revving a cordless POWER DRILL." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.. back in "uniform. SHANE Good.. He's not just locking them -. I'm scared of you. INT.

4 EXT. I can see you through the window.. but if anything happens.. EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. EXT.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. I dunno if that's a good idea. GROCERY STORE .MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. GROCERY STORE . Scott. NOTHING looks familiar -...CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. he's got us on lock-down. Tyler looks at him -. it's like Oz or something..5. No. GROCERY STORE ."what are you.nothing even looks like food. SHANE I gotta get supplies.. but they're .MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.. the camera CRANES up to. (she listens:) Hm. GROCERY STORE . hits speed-dial. DRIVEWAY . He sees: a huge.. INT. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz.. Zoe picks up the phone. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM... nuts?" EXT. ZOE . as he pushes a cart into the store. He smiles. Snack packs. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. He looks around at the bright.PARKING LOT . Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.

Finally. GROCERY STORE . How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. . clutching their boxes. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.. One The Brownies take off running. The Cub Scouts high-five. EXT.. we see who she means: A group of bad ass.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. chubby CUB SCOUTS.noticing very shy.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.. you Skeever? .. He laughs. I haven't seen anybody.. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. He rips it open. before I get my face punching badge on you. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . they're back. and lets her go. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. but can't get away. menacingly.. One of the Brownies spots something.she tugs and tugs.

22's. PARKING LOT . CHUCK E. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. you're supposed to take us to dinner. CHEESE . Around his neck. The Brownies scream. The Brownies are huddled behind it. He wears . You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . I'm here to protect you. EXT. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. 47. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.A LITTLE LATER .I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. He firmly tells Lulu. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. He bends down. Get in the car. Cheese MANAGER. He heads toward the Scouts.2ND SCOUT Nope. Not cookies.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. we're going home. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. and points at Lulu's Panic button. Shane's monitor starts beeping. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. trembling. If I don't come back -avenge my death. Where? SHANE INT.

..CHAOS. . Shane's watching Peter. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. skee Brownies are running around. On stage. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. the Chuck E. Cheese automaton band JAMS. A LITTLE LATER: 48.. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. playing video games and ball. Cheese! Wider reveals. The Manager approaches Shane. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere... SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. this much cyanide. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. which causes him to lisp. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. Lulu approaches.braces and head-gear. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. This much The Manager laughs.. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL.

LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. He checks over his shoulder -. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. then cracks her in half over his knee. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. then kicks him in the face.LULU I pressed two player. Unless you're scared. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. My joystick's broken.. Round three starts. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 ..Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. and then a kick in the face. spins her. Lulu screams out with her fighter. Lulu picks a small female character. Nobody can jump thirty feet. stretches. He steps up to the machine. Shane is taking it really seriously. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Then he a joy stick. . ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Shane even get one punch in -. SHANE That's not fair. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. He's really mad. kneels on his head. I thought you liked combat.she pins him to the ground. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. They begin. He cracks his knuckles. LULU The Hulk can. The second round starts.

. 50. jumping.take a shot. its joystick dangling by its wires. She keeps dancing. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. the Zhouse is quiet.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. It's really annoying.LIVING ROOM . SHANE I AM TOO TRYING... oops too slow.. He is KO'd. Sparks fly. Shane's working the joy stick hard. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. HOTEL ROOM ..... slamming buttons. INT. INTERCUT WITH: INT..stop worrying. swing and a miss.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone... while he pounds the buttons. PLUMMER HOUSE . He and the Brownies sneak away. it's my job to worry. dancing.. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. swinging and missing. ZOE .CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. leaving the sizzling machine. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. but he can't hit her. ZOE Mom -... Shane's really fuming. LULU Too slow. LULU You're not even trying. come on -. Lulu's having fun now.

Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. this is outta hand. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. ZOE Dude. I love you. PLUMMER HOUSE . but you know I have to do this. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . I hate leaving you. And the folks who read my BLOG.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.. EXT. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. 51. who doesn't seem concerned at all. kids everywhere.. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. JULIE It's only a few more days. loads Brownies into the minivan. we're okay. Don't worry. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. The guy's just a control freak. She turns to Scott.in my cell. ZOE Dude. counting them.Seriously. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. ZOE I know. .The Plummer House: . VARIOUS SHOTS . MALL PARKING LOT . not cool.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). INT. Zoe rolls her eyes. up. everything's cool.LIVING ROOM .CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up.

Suddenly. MANAGER Relax.. INT.. He's holding the diaper. move. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. Not okay. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look.. We see what he forgot: PETER. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. Whoa. move! Go go! EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. a look of horror comes across Shane's face.for a long time. is fine. out away from him.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. gasping.they almost always do.LATER . The Manager is watching him. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. CHEESE . SHANE Inexcusable. SHANE . Silence. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. and goes down for the diaper. He's still down there...Move. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.not okay. He disappears under the balls -. again. He holds his breath. CHUCK E. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. the Brownies follow. Shane grimaces. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. freestyling in the ball pool -. SUBURBAN ROAD . He charges across the room with the diaper. S 52. to leave a man behind like that.

NIGHT Shane is exhausted. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.KITCHEN . Shane snatches it mid-air -.. Peter and Tyler up the path.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. windows. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles.and groans in disbelief. then RUN.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. at a full run. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings.. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. CLUB lock off the door. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere... It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. as he pulls up in the Minivan.J..until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. making out. Scott.. trying to understand. Outraged. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. jocks throwing footballs. PLUMMER HOUSE . Reeling. PLUMMER HOUSE . chugging drinks. scared. 53. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. vents... SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.'s turntables. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. we're gonna do this . INT. a total wreck.then CRUSHES the ball. He gets out -. EXT. peeing in the bushes. Now. Party's over. Shane takes Lulu.

Shane's eyes narrow. Scott gulps . CUT EXT. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. Oh my god.my way -. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. trying to maintain his dignity. INT. as kids clean.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. PLUMMER HOUSE . In a bathroom. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. They see Shane find the CD. Scott and Zoe. he takes it off. furiously clean.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Clean. residue. in Playtex gloves.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. Shane goes over them. Miserable TEENS scrub. It reads: GHOST. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. and walk out of sight. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. He fumes.. INT..then he notices something. He lifts the sofa. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. straightening -. labeled with a Sharpie.CONTINUOUS . mopping. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling.. He hands Scott the mop.no highway option. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . PLOP.. He holds it up to a KID. ladies. through binoculars.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.

Scott's the last one to leave. you hate us. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. ZOE . sits down. CUT TO: EXT. They show no respect for you or your house. where she throws up. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten.. (Announces:) Company. Zoe blows past him -. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. ueasy. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. Lulu's crying. After a beat. You're like a robot. she pukes again.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. and screams in Shane's face. He heads upstairs. downstairs! He walks down the hall. Zpounding on doors. My friends will never come here again. INT. helpless. Zoe gets up. Shane . Shane hands her a handkerchief. ZOE I do too respect myself. Because you have no respect for yourself..into the bathroom. Rambo. furniture polished. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Todd picks her up.. outside the bathroom door. Shane stands.. Thanks a lot.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. shaky and furious.

Go to your rooms. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. all in black BURST in through the window.hand it over! staffs. close-quarters and fast. fiercely -. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. He goes down. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Shane spins in fight-stance. SHANE You're right. tired) It's Scott. Suddenly -...55. pounding him with their . They leap down after him. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Red 1. SHANE Puberty. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT.the three fight. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS...they're good. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. I'm gone. Not even from the enemy. NINJA GHOST -. Don't worry. Suddenly. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. The Ninjas attack. TWO NINJAS. Wielding with great skill. as soon as your mom comes back.the power goes out. talking doesn't do any good... The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. I'm not the man for this job.

avoiding Legos. WHACK.. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. Shane runs to the changing table.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow..then the Ninjas charge. blinding him.. toys fly. Shane fends the Ninjas off. 56 INT. . he hits a Ninja in the head. PLAYROOM . They step back. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. With his foot. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. a squeezes . It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. several FURBIES hit the floor. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.knocking him into. and grabs it. Shane crashes down. fiercely... He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. He pulls the string. it makes a silly thunk. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. and flings them all over the floor. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. The Ninjas move towards him -. facing them. and uses them both to fend off blows. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. SHANE Okay -.

. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane... that your father invented. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. quietly knocks.. He sprays it in Shane's face.? SHANE They're looking for a program. He really hugs them. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. Then.then the door creaks open... He A long pause -. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. The cloud dissipates. Shane approaches Zoe's door. blinded. He squints. Shane bangs the window sill. It's okay.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. Todd and Zoe enter.SHANE 57. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. bawling. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. SHANE Shhh. terrified.. He runs to the broken window. . HALLWAY . he hugs Peter and Lulu. TODD Who were they? What did they want. ANGLE . You can open up. SHANE It's safe. and Shane sees he's now alone. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER... INT. He hugs them. fearful.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. Shane isn't sure what to do. disappointed to have lost them. Kids.. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.

.. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. Shane offers his hand to shake. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. They want this. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. absolutely nothing pottery . The kids shudder. Then. "Unchained Melody." And then. And I'm not going anywhere.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over.then they hug him. it's been a long night. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. CLOSE-UP . He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. They shake -. the other kids join in. Soon.they all jump.. They hug him tighter.. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. He looks Zoe. as long as I'm here.. too. From now on. and do what I say. all smiles. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. startled. Deal? Truce -.a long pause. Shane is furious -.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. Zoe answers it. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. eye to eye. LIVING ROOM . Then. But nothing's gonna happen to you.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. INT. I'll listen to you too. you listen to me. relieved. SHANE They're not after you. 58. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I..

Nope.it's okay.happened you should worry about. students run in to school.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. But we're not sure what it is.we'll be just fine.. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. The minivan pulls up. . but they didn't find it..So soon? We were just starting to have fun. EXT. SHANE Mrs. everyone's fine. We found something in the box. and Shane emerges with the five kids. HOTEL ROOM ... two men tried to get into the house tonight.. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. They were looking for GHOST. You have any luck? JULIE Well. SCHOOL . INTERCUT: INT. yes and no.. metal two pronged KEY. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. SHANE (very genuine) . Shane takes the phone. We just don't know what its for. She holds up the strange.MORNING Early morning. Don't worry -. SHANE No . Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. Plummer. They're gone. It looks like some kind of "key".

shaking his head. Shane stands off to the side.. a crazed TEACHER next to her. mortified. car -. He dips an INT. sunglasses on. "yeah.she'll pay for the damage. EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . Principal Claire next to him.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters.. Lulu's classmates all chant. SHANE Don't worry. Murney stands. LULU'S CLASSROOM . then BRAKES. she wrecked a driver's Ed. He is gesticulating. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. squashed at a little desk. Shane nods. and smiles at Shane. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. SCREAMING.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. LULU'S CLASSROOM .DAY Driver's Ed. reacting each time she HITS the gas. THE GYM ." Then. . ANGLE on Lulu. egg in some purple dye. Zoe sits in a folding chair. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. ANGLE on Shane. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. MURNEY .INT. They look concerned. So. I know it's good... who sits in the back. An obstacle course with cones. making a mess of an egg. HITS the gas. Peter 60 She smiles. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. then BRAKES.

. Shane gives Zoe a look. . what do you expect.yes. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.. (pulls Shane aside. and Shane walks them out.I'm a bit concerned. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. Todd and Zoe stand to go. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. but -. But this. And that's not all. Todd enters. Shane scowls. SHANE He's not a NAZI. boys will be boys -. He does always miss sixth period. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. 61. Zoe shrugs... it's not that -. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. giving him a "skinhead" look. what's going on..... and I'm not sure what to do.it's the boy.. No. I was doing a little recon in his locker. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. Murney calls into the hallway.but this is just sick. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.) See if you can talk to the boy. Shane stops. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -.That? Lady drivers.

SHANE Another time. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. and keeps walking. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! .) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up.that whole family's no good. MURNEY You're a good man.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. if you ask me. kicking him in the BACK. SHANE I'll talk to him. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. MURNEY It's a date then. and leaves. huh? (Shane ignores him. Shane trips forwards to his knees. Shane. Without warning. maybe. and Murney chases after him.. and leaps at Shane. stretching. I promise I won't hurt you. I'll show you a couple moves. as he passes. 62.. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. Murney laughs. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Shane walks the kids out. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Kung team: Shane walks away.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. we'll give these boys a treat.

Nothing. preheat the oven. keeping the contact.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. signal me. He sees Zoe. and leaves. Shane looks out the window -. He enters. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. with a flowered basket. Shane parks.shakes Shane turns back.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. peering out her window. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT. do your homework. but instead he takes a deep breath. SHANE Wait Todd. Shane hops out the window. He starts to shut the window. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63.. I want to talk to you. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. The window is wide open. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. Todd runs towards the house. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. Shane screws the window shut. but he . so the alarm didn't go off. SHANE Smart kid.. It looks like Shane might fight. he can see Todd. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. running around the corner. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. It's pink. you're in charge. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. TODD'S ROOM .far down the block. INT. Murney his head. Keep all doors sealed. It's small for him. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. On the corner. and snickers to his Team.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .

inside.

DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.

65.

And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape... SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. SHANE COMPANY -.. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever.What if.. weird or something? 66 .. or not? Everyone nods. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. girls'll think I'm.. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Shane straightens up. LIESL We don't have a director. they quickly assemble on stage. show's off..CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. Chicks dig guys who can dance. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. they're not sure what to do. Shane's glare.. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. He smiles.... Shane shakes his head. Shane looks at the Cast. TODD . Todd looks devastated -.. it's over.. Todd looks up at Shane. Liesl chimes in. BEAT.

SHANE . He turns out the light. angrily. It's stupid. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. INT.Yes. He hears Zoe in her room.. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. PLUMMER HOUSE . He peeks in -.... No wait! ...LATER . YES WHAT? SHANE .. I won't touch him.. SHANE Okay.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. another girl picked up the phone. I don't know why I let it get to me. Shane exits. INT. BREAKING something. LULU'S ROOM .. I promise..UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I called him in his room. Scott. furious.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. I know it's no big deal. ZOE . you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.

Went into the magic forest.. ULU Tell me a story. I 6 . and they came in from the north.. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.. Let's see. on Lulu's floor.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. (MORE) T S L 8. The elves had to go in and take it out. Uranium. the little Elf family -. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. Shane looks at her surprised... To find a secret gnome.. As Shane finishes the story.Uh. Stumped. Once there was a family of Elves. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -..... facility. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. he illustrates. So -they waited for cloud cover. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. setting up the scene with DOLLS. He sits on the bed.

. Shane sighs. Even... Lulu's fallen asleep.Rodriquez... head in the door... TODD I'll write it down for you. We got `em all. and do the Panda Dance. I can't remember that thing. And you ain't got a chance. . c'mon.. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Peter WAILS. lower than the floor..mean standing. S 69. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story.. INT. Then. SHANE Oh.. and whispers to Peter. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove... Peter starts bawling. Todd calls from the doorway.. NURSERY . TODD You have to do the dance. the teeniest little elf of all -. The wails get louder and LOUDER. He made it up for him.. or he won't stop. from across the hall.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Like dad used to do.. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.

T the A 70.. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Shane turns and catches Mr. He sings again. staring. and gets in the driver's seat. terrified. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. Shane crab-walks sideways. (He does. just like the crabs do. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. with her Gameboy. through the mirror. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. Zoe and Peter are half asleep.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . Humiliated. GARAGE . The Kids sit bolt upright... Chun gets his paper. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. mortified.) EXT. He does the dance as he sings. Lulu is next to him. They turn to Zoe. SHANE Today you drive.MORNING . Chun. (Tyler in the snuggle). Shane hops forward three times.Shane sighs. . hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan.. Peter applauds.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. Shane. She gets out in shock.

ZOE But -.I can't even pass driver's Ed. Exactly. no.. Keep going. not the road. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Zoe is surprised. She pulls out.. Zoe backs jerkily out. Shane is nervous.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. but trying not to show it. INT. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. Touched. MINIVAN .. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. S P . Shane is shaky. The Kids share a dubious look.. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span... Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. Lulu and Todd are terrified. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. jerkily. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. I trust you.

Shane spots something. Claire strides into view.71. CAFETERIA . with a few FRIENDS. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. and a little make-up. severe stare) Now. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Before Scott knows what's happened. Zoe smiles.Claire BARKS out. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. WALK! DOUBLE TIME.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. being obnoxious. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. hey head into the school. INT. EXT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Suddenly -. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Chastened. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Next lesson. the kids gulp and orderly march away. 1500 hours. trembling. terrified. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend).. Scott's terrified. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. ZOE Ha ha ha. Shane's . SHANE Good. She's wearing a cute dress. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb.. Shane jumps out of the car. Shane unclenches his teeth. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. KIDS boisterously run past. Shane lets him down and heads into school. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. laughing.. Very funny.

eyes alight. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. something. She smiles. Principal Claire sighs "not again. and offers him a milk. you never know who you're going to run into. Shane`s not so good at small talk. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. sailor? Thanks. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. Love it when he does that. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. too.. Wow. him by the ear. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. S T P . impressed.. It's a miracle. She's waiting for him to say.. Suddenly.. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . S he sits beside him." In one move. Shane leaps over the table. SHANE hey eat in silence.. dragging .. He smiles back.

MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Murney gets up in Shane's face. I'm right here.. Murney. I.. Talk. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. I quit.Murney shoves Todd forward. What're you so scared of. MURNEY Winners never quit. Todd looks. Murney turns around. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria... No one's sure they heard him right. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. It opens Friday. intimidated. . M 73. TODD Hey. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. boy. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. Yeah I do. MURNEY I've had it. Freak? The Students snicker.. Then: TODD I am not scared.. Silence. I want to sing. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. now it all makes sense.

and then a mob of Students. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. You win. it's scary S 74. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. Murney looks around. Let's do it. You suck. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. There is a stunned moment -. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -.it reads: . Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. They look to the ground sheepishly. His voice cracks -. The Gym.face to face. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this.me. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. Everyone is watching. swarm Todd.Shane steps them.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. So calm.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. protecting him. Your ass is mine. TODD There is a man in my house -. He storms out. furious -URNEY So -. taking flyers. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. humiliated. The whole team wants to quit. Murney did not expect to be called out. M urney looks over at the Team. Todd's telling the truth.

raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. mumbling something. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . grabs onto Murney's waist. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Shane side-steps. and they head out. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. rushes Shane.sending him right into the wall. S 75. The bleachers are PACKED. Todd flops to the mat.BAM. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. and sweeps Murney -. GYM . Shane throws an arm around Todd. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. hard. 3:00. shocked. The Wrestlers scream for Murney.3:00 mat. Murney lands on his back. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. WHAM. Murney bounds to his feet. quietly twitching on the ground. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Murney. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. his The Wrestlers mouths drop."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. M URNEY on." INT. Todd cheers Shane on.

I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. FOREST . She gives him a thumbs up. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. LULU We're Brownies. I got my troops waiting.Dislocated nerve. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. If you're not sure. that's all. 76 SHANE either. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. The crowd cheers. Claire. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. TODD That was awesome. BUGS. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. too. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. They walk out. fascinated. . Todd. No brownies edible. TO: EXT. When I Rwanda. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects.

In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook... BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. this way -and the Von Trapp is set.FRONT LAWN . Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. Shane holds a stopwatch. she burns rubber. INT. He illustrates the stage directions." INT. EXT.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. KICK. EXT.fascinated. He signals her. here at the top of the stairs. KICK. In unison.we'll put Von Trapps here. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. in perfect tempo. MALL PARKING LOT .she hits EVERY ONE -. The Duck watches all this -. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. NURSERY ..He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. the Girls PUNCH. OLD FACTORY . He laughs at his own joke. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.. PLUMMER HOUSE . and races through a slalom of orange cones -. PUNCH.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. Zoe . PUNCH. The Kids don't get it. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. in between punches.. he reaches out and rocks it.. MALL PARKING LOT .DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. and. here.

INT. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself." Lulu. They watch closely. INT. EXT. your life little girl. MALL PARKING LOT .DAY -"1. EXT.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. but doesn't fall.. He counts begins wriggling free.. in we WIDEN back. OLD FACTORY . it teeters.. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.FRONT LAWN ..3.. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. The Brownies attack.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.. blur.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. ODD . she only clips one. NURSERY . PLUMMER HOUSE ..2. EXT. Shane gives her a signal. PLUMMER HOUSE . as and then her BROWNIE uniform. mercilessly. T I E 77.out and weaves the cones. Hands a T .BACK YARD . Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.

landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. Shane is so touched. 8. Graceful. THUD! Gazelle. he almost bursts into tears. INT.EVENING . PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Graceful. Todd tries the kick. Peter Panda. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. adding a James Brown flourish. now and then. Shane performs the "Panda Dance." Singing and doing all the moves -. SHANE I'm not your daddy. but blows it. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Then he tucks Peter in. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. daddy. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. NURSERY . Peter. But sweet dreams. He kisses Peter on the forehead. "PRICE CLUB" STORE .huh? Now.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.hard. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. He does a spin kick. Again. odd tries the spinning kick.he's got it down. Peter. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -.

the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. As he's comparing prices -. INT. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. FORMATION. 9.in a FLIP. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. she wraps it around his arm. the Chubby Cub Scouts. but like lightning. He smiles.MOMMY! She lets him go -.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. The Scouts share a look -. wearing the double snuggle. S SHANE That's my troop.they LAUGH. the Other Scouts are scared. scary. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . She shoves a cookie in his mouth. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison.he sees. tying him. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. he lands on the ground hard. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. The Scout struggles. The . proud. You're gonna have to pay for that. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. at their own table. striking a cool pose. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown.. see them.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. In one move. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you.. Across the lot.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N

80.

- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z

Z

S

1.

8

SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. talking excitedly. HALLWAY . INT. the kids are all abuzz. Shane answers it. OE I never even got to say good bye. ANGLE . telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. A tear runs down Zoe's face. EXT. J 82. BACK YARD . we're on the first plane in the morning. WITH: J INT. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. happy.soldier. The phone rings.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . She throws her arms around Shane.SHANE He's left alone.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. HOTEL .

unblinking. Shane sighs morosely. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Suddenly. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. Kids to play S . Three squares a day. hane rises. Shane turns.. the Duck starts quacking. No reason for personal attachments. with. GARAGE . scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. INT. your wings aren't clipped. he Duck stares. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Shane sits in a lawn chair. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary.. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good.NIGHT hane turns the light on. Gary sits in the next chair. He pets the Duck. SHANE Just another assignment.The house is dark.

unsuccessfully. TO: to S 84. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. The wheel spins. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. .. The break in its surface is a strange. he floor opens. Shane steps down it. leading below the garage. INT.CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. He tries muscles rippling. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE... He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. only It's solid and inscrutable. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . Nothing.. crack the lock all night. Shane looks on stunned. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off.. DISSOLVE INT..SHANE What happened. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. The Kids are watching his progress. Shane dials a phone. and then it gives. Lulu hands him a tool. GARAGE . INTERC UT: B harder.. shines it down the grate. He's been trying. No hinges or cracks. we see a CRANK WHEEL.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.

MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. and hangs up. Away from Shane.EXT. can't crack it. towards the neighbor's house.don't do anything `til I get there. TO: INT. Bill reacts. Do you have it? SHANE No. We'll be there shortly -. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. TO: INT. She looks stricken. GARAGE . Then we slowly MOVE UP. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. CHUN CUT BACK . sir. Through a window. Okay. I think I found GHOST. Bill's cell phone rings. relieved. pleased.. SEDAN .CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. BILL . It's in a steel vault. After we turn this in to my CO. excited.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. don't do anything further. Everyone reacts happily. GARAGE . I've been trying all night. he answers it.. MRS... Silently spying on Shane. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work.. Except for -. An ominous pause. W e PUSH INTO the house. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. GHOST.. Julie sits beside him.Lulu.

does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. LULU But. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). in shock. The fish tank is clear. in the next room. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.O. J JULIE'S P. Lulu? You should be happy.. Tongue-tied. he has no answer. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left...MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. I 85. so they probably trashed the place. The rug is vacuumed.: The house is spotless.SHANE He goes silent. Bill is carrying her suitcases. She trails off. JULIE'S HOUSE .they hear. HOUSE . Julie and Bill hop out. INT. Shane -. should be home soon.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. KIDS VOICES . SHANE You guys better get ready.V. Kids singing a beautiful. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. comes into the dark hall..

8 JULIE almost faints. Julie goes to the. Shane sees Bill enter. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly.. mom. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. a capella) . Lulu has bows in her hair. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.. for a thousand years. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. then salutes back) Good job.. INT. picture- . smiling. S SHANE Captain. Lieutenant. with songs they have sung.(singing. She staggers to. The Kids rush forward and hug her. BILL (he smiles wryly. INT. Julie starts bawling. Dumb-struck. DINING ROOM . KITCHEN ... Peter is fresh faced. ( B 6. Across the room.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. She sees. Zoe is in a conservative dress. no dishes in the sink.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. featuring Todd. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. Bill steadies her. ZOE Welcome home....

Don't get me wrong. S S 87. Shane continues. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. Bill stops.INT. GARAGE . Sir. And I think I want to explore that some more. Shane. surprised. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.. an ANGRY VOICE.. BILL I should hope not. reluctant.. ILL I'm really proud of you..DAY Shane leads Bill inside. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. all I've never known is the military. You just name it. SHANE That's kind of you. Suddenly. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. pause) But I'll have to think about it. anywhere you want. Bill holds the pronged key.

Shane and Bill spin. SHANE'S POV woozy. Chun comes closer.. he looks up as he drops.. hane takes control! He smiles. confused. Disoriented. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. CLOSE-UP . He takes a submissive position. Shane shoots Bill a glance. startled. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head.. Shane peers in confusion... He turns. There were delays. . Mr.. B 88. and starts to fall. reaching for Bill's key.. Mrs. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.. and Mrs... while SLAMMING their heads together. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. GUNS DRAWN.when suddenly. then passes out. Chun.SHANE Lights out. relishing a second of glory -. MRS. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. Things are spinning. He is losing consciousness. Shane puts his hands behind his head.. startled..

with me. Chun) Keep an eye on them. livid. bright and white. He GAGS the kids. closing the window shades. FADE IN: INT. You -. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. reaching.BLACK. INT.. ILL North Korea pays better. scared. Chun) secures the room. Peter has a JUICE BOX. and it CLICKS. 9. The Kids are furious.. Chun approach the steel door. (to Mr. The door HUMS. They THE VAULT! Spare. tied up. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. They anxiously tiptoe.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. with two . then slides OPEN! enter.. Julie glares.DAY Shane lies unconscious. Bill checks the knots binding the children. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. They whimper. So did the Department of Defense. JULIE I trusted you. Inside is a dark corridor. exit. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Charles trusted you. Bill and Mrs. The floor is covered with square tiles. 8 Bill grins. Bill and Mrs.. NURSERY . INT. Beside the safe is a red switch.. GARAGE . The Korean Man (Mr.. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore.

MRS.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. With a rapid blur of finger-work. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy.. but the of her jacket is on fire. Mr. BEEPING. Lulu "looks" scared. done.. then leans back against Zoe. MRS.SAME TIME Mr.needing a distraction. the Chun spins.the Kids look innocent. completely SINGED OFF. Mrs. Bill eyes the safe. she hits her panic button! O. off shoulder eyebrows. He sneers. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. startled -. Tyler GASPS.S. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. MR. as if she hadn't moved. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . Lulu frowns. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. CHUN But I've got some C4. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. INT... horrified -. HOUSE . then Mr. eyeballing them icily.. But behind her back. It's set on ARMED.. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. quickly assuming a fake bound position. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Chun is Bokay. She confidently strides toward the safe -. like a monstrous computer.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. CHUN Just.. she unties Zoe! Then -. low-pitched HUM. had eyebrows.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Mr. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. Chun whirls -. The air is filled with an ominous. Chun guards the kids.

Chun's leg. Mr. then. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun looks at Lulu. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr.W Z 90. HAM without warning. he drops to his knees in pain. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Lulu runs. CHUN That's cute. Mr. Chun scowls. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. . Mr. Chun's head. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. when he's at her level. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. she KICKS him right in the nuts. They untie Julie.. Mr. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. BEHIND TODD . he steps closer. slamming the door behind her. snake-like move. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Skeptical.. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Chun laughs: MR. It HURTS..Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close.. Chun's face.

INT. Chun punches the door.. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.. He sticks his face out the hole. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. they're trapped inside. FRONT DOOR . his face COATED in white..but as Julie exits. Bill lurches into view. I INT. but the door won't budge.CONTINUOUS Mr. He yells out furious! MR.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. Chun's face.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .. DONNGGG -.. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. M E M 91. Chun falls back from the door.. INT. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. She SCREAMS. NURSERY . INT.CONTINUOUS Mr. clutching her! The .Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. NURSERY . making a small hole. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .doorknob.

but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Chun THE RADIO. HOUSE . Mrs. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. ARGHH! driveway.. unsure.CONTINUOUS r. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. MINIVAN . .. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. CHUN Chun falls. INT.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. then nod and run to the side garage. She floors it... speaking in Korean: RS.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Chun comes racing around the house -.kids are horrified. they're not going anywhere. Chun listens to Mr. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. They start to run back. HOUSE . EXT. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2.I've got the keys. MR.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.

oe runs a yellow. Mrs. chilled. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. lying on the concrete. INT. Chun exits the vault. It's getting old. INT.. Then. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. B . They step past Shane's body. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.Charles didn't tell me about the room. a CRACKLING of static. VAN . GARAGE ..SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. Don't make me kill you too. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. leading her to the secret door. gaining on them. holding a military RADIO. Julie GASPS.

just please don't hurt anyone. He does something we can't see. I'll get you in.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. Chun zooming by. The men stare down. Bill uncuffs Shane. BILL Change of plan.. emotional.) Bill. Do it. It's B risky. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. don't hurt the kids. they might wreck. as Zoe drives. Surprised.he clicks "talk" on the radio. ANGLE . BUSY STREET . half on the sidewalk. Bring them back unharmed.. EXT. Then -. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. He tries to pass them on the right.. CHUN Mr. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. ill eyes him.. SHANE (O. Bill deciding if he can trust him. my husband has question: MR. MRS. ZOE . to cut them off! INT.. everyone looks down. It's like a chariot race.93.SHANE They look over -.S..DAY The vehicles race. Bill. ILL .Shane is standing in the doorway. MINIVAN .

The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. Hair spray. Chun ROLLS UP his window. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. INT. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. disoriented. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Mr. triumphant.. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them.What's taking you? 94. It throws Mr.. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Mr. Exasperated. . The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Chun off for a beat.. M R. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. Chun holds Julie. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Peter laughs. CRASH!! The kids cheer.. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. crayons. Shane is figuring his options. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Bill waits impatiently. Mrs.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault.. Zoe looks over... In the van. SECRET VAULT . Chun with debris: milk cartons. orange peels. She Mr. Mr. Chun SCREAMS. and loses control.

. Lulu. Shane steps forward . Sweat drips down Shane's face. Todd. go get it -. Shane gets up.now. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. puzzled. Shane leaps back. Bill laughs. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. . Tyler! Bill reacts.A bewildered beat -. Shane steps forward. in pain.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. over one beam and ducking under another -.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch.. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. BILL Code or no code. Watch. confidently: J B B 95 . sending him flying backwards. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. He speaks aloud. ill cocks his gun. landing on his hands and knees.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Peter. Shane SQUIRTS it.

then back: smiles. across two tiles. Something she said. Julie relieved. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off..JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. CLOSE-UP . He steps sideway. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . fearlessly. He takes a deep breath. Again -. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. Shane he steps forwards. Bill and Julie share a look -.. Shane feels the Groove in the floor.SHANE Shane's thinks. and do the Peter Panda Dance. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. not quite centered to the room. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.. And you haven't got a chance. . When you're down and low. He feels the Groove. Shane LAUGHS sharply. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. E 96 . S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times.. lower than the floor. NOTHING HAPPENS.NOTHING HAPPENS. just like the crabs do. He thinks.they have no idea what he's laughing about. Calmness comes to Shane's face. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.

SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. Inside is the Cute Cop. Zoe blows past it. Don't follow me! . They have my mom. 5-0.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. and he catches up with the minivan -. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. 9 7. he'd be toast. his focus gone. and our bodyguard -. ZOE Come on. EXT. Use the gas. The Squad Car's lights flash on.it takes a while.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. not the brake. If he'd been standing. from the ceiling.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. BUSY INTERSECTION . When he steps back -. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. they're FLYING.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine.

almost running it off road. EXT. pool of liquid.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. like there ain't no floor... I accept full responsibility. Shane jumps revealing a the corner.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. . but if I had more resources.. The Squad Car is on its tail. sliding forward. 98. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Claire frowns. concerned. Zoe U-turns. in a cloud of smoke. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. is Mr. at a safe distance. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. My intelligence proved to be faulty.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. Then better jump quick. PLUMMER BASEMENT . Squad Car turns around and chases her. She shakes her head. NECK-BRACE. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. the Minivan SPEEDS by.. SCHOOL . nervously. Following the chase. It's acid. SUBURBAN STREET . INT. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. and speeds back towards her house. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. Suddenly.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. EXT.

What do you say -.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Beat. Shane scowls. All that we stand for. Shane." He jumps. He lands in front of THE SAFE. pulling Julie along. She gestures back: you go. The whole room goes SILENT. BILL Thank you.. And you betrayed all of that. It's a stand-off. Whew. BILL (CONT'D) You know. The Booby Traps are disarmed.and walks across the room. Immediately. to the left of the HOLE. sir." .SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. I knew you'd figure it out. and jumps back. The safe's red light turns green. if you're willing to join up. Bill signals for Mrs. Chun to go first. BILL I'll take that as a "no. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. to calm down) Almost done. 99. He holds his breath just in time. He's relieved -. You were always my best man. almost done. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Bill looks around.he waves his hand over the floor. Chun follows. Bill shrugs. "Just hold your breath. He nervously steps forward . Finally.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you.. disgusted. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. Nothing happens. Bill takes a breath -. and jump to the left. Mrs.

Full of himself. Bill LUNGES. her hair on end. Bill is incensed. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks.. and touches the dial. Shane reaches for the safe. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on... BILL None requested. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Mrs. but Shane gazes coldly. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. I think you better open it.. Bill gestures to Mrs. But suddenly Mrs. Chun doesn't budge. shaking from the voltage. Reluctantly . legs! He's crazed. trying to read Shane's poker face. Shane shrugs. Chun reaches out.. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. then PUNCHES him in the gut. MRS. I walked the floor first. head. SIZZLING. You open it. SHANE There will be no mercy. Relief. unrelenting. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. . Chun LEAPS onto his back. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares.Mrs. Something's not right.Bill turns to the safe. He starts to reach for the dial. BILL (CONT'D) . then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. hitting Bill's arms. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. She turns it.. then catches himself. Nothing happens. Chun. Bill is off guard.

then runs to grab her outstretched hand.. SIRENS wailing. Shane shakes his head. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. It's clear the both have the same training. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. which Shane deflects -. Shane tumbles. Suddenly. stumbles backwards across the room.. chase after. IN THE VAN. good night. he drops and FLIPS her. spin. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. saved. delivering a series of hard punches. terrible neighbor. connecting only occasionally.O. OOF! Bill tumbles. SHANE . SHANE You're a. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest.they tangle like pro's. Say. unable to gain her balance. The Police Cars . But he's unforgiving.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. landing on his back in front of the safe. She smiles.! EXT. They punch.. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. the wind knocked out of him.. tottering. Bill is charging him. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Leering mercilessly. everyone is SCREAMING. then whispers/sings. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. K. Shane struggles to lose her. kick. Shane narrows his eyes. knocking her out. PLUMMER'S STREET . She catapults. Shane COLD-COCKS her. ANGLE . He jumps to his feet. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat.BILL He steps over Shane.

. from the car.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT..a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. Cops surround them. The van SKIDS. The kids clamber from the van.and hits a tree.SAME TIME Total commotion. then look in the safe: Inside. JULIE Thank you Shane. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. grateful. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. Shane steps out. INT. Whoa. The Kid spill out and run. But it's too late. She smiles at Shane. with their hands raised. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . GHOST. The garage door raises. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. SECRET VAULT . then BRAKES. Shane gently removes it. SHANE . They look in silence. HOUSE . Then -.O. Now we can go back to our peaceful. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. It's finally over.. smoke BURNING from the tires -. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop.101..

Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. Numerous. ZOE But. and grabs the MR. Julie and Shane Freeze. as he turns his head. But then -. Mr. triumphant. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST..CUTE COP FREEZE.. Now. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes...a CRAZED SCREAM.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. uh. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze.S. you're in a lot of trouble. CUTE COP I said FREEZE.. The Cops are unsure what to do. Shane spins. 10 2. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. CHUN (O. vaults onto Chun.. Silence. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. He's disheveled and manic. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. Chun stands inside the gate. I suggest you call the FBI. He scoffs. Zoe. Shane weighs his not so many options. officer. MR. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Even Chun is amazed. Nobody is sure what to do. helpless. Cops cover Shane and Julie..) HIT THE GROUND!!! ..

You're a one-man battalion. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.I. swelling with pride.I. This chaos is unsolvable. ANGLE . Julie huddles with the kids.I. then walks off.LATER F. Agent. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. INT. 103. GARAGE . Wolfe. CLOSE-UP . F.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. watching the FBI Agents work.. SHANE Just doing my job. Shane talks with an F. PLUMMER HOUSE .THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.B.B. AGENT Mr. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.rocket launcher.B. F . Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. reaches for his radio.I. that was nice work. Shane examines it. AGENTS swarm the area. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. COP I think I'll call the FBI..CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.B. he . CLOSE-UP .

then Julie found the key. And to tell the truth. 104. The Plummers hug each other. say -.. On.. Zoe. SHANE . Lulu -. and Julie notice..Maui? .. Mock-angry. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Todd.. He looks around: at the family. I'm on dry land. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. Shane looks at her..Yes. Her siblings.I want to say: I love you more than anything. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. A tear comes to her eye. a letter. You're the superior office. and gather around. Peter. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. He looks at Claire. fallen onto the floor. Summer's almost here. You tell me. EXT.. I always have.. I don't see anything but reasons to stay.. She sees. from the safe. I'm kinda. re-conning the situation. here. I don't know. Does it itch? Yes. SHANE Well.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.. Julie. Tyler. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.

He starts to head off. come here you. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. Shane bawls -.. Your work here is through. Lulu turns to Shane. SHANE Your dad would be so proud.Sir yes sir. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. Like he did. He wipes his face. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.. to shake his. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Guess you have to go now. baffled. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. TIGHT . A long beat. 105.. SHANE Claire beams. P ETER Love you.his medal. ZOE But.SHANE This is too much. The Plummers all approach. Thank you. SHANE Ah. Zoe gives them a look -. LULU This is it. For everything. sad. He puts them down.he hugs the whole family at once.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH.he can't keep it in. squeezing them off the ground.. He squeezes her hand around it. She puts out her hand. interrupting. I'm gonna . Shane. Julie looks up.

In SLOW MOTION. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. They all watch. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. A STANDING OVATION. You Are Sixteen begins." In the audience. until he sits back down. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. Claire: dressed to the nines. Julie watches in astonishment. his hair combed. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Scott: in a suit.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. beaming with pride. Farewell. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. even Murney." Hearts swell. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. Todd spins. the little Brownie Troop. VICTORIA THEATRE. BACKSTAGE . he leaps into the SPIN KICK. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. Shane watches with bated breath.a Michael Jordan dunk. rapt. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Shane stands. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. hit your marks.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. It's fantastic -. She is surrounded by her children. The performers take their curtain .

calls.and the house goes crazy.html on December 9 2010 . Shane smiles. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. THE END http://www. He humbly steps into view -. Thundering applause. FADE OUT. Mission accomplished.-The.com/scripts/Pacifier.imsdb. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. touched.

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