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EXT. THE NOT GAY BAR - NIGHT

The Not Gay Bar is a posh gay club in the heart of Boston. The club is busy and there is a line around the block. The people in line are a wide range of ages from 21 up.

INT. NOT GAY BAR - NIGHT

The Not Gay Bar is not in fact a bar but a drag show/dance club.

caption: They come here to have fun ... to escape. Here they don't have to be on guard. They don't have to fight or to stand proud. They can just be. They can just have fun.

shot of an exchange of ecstacy for money

caption 2: sometimes they might have a little too much fun.

caption 3: In a world that fears and hates them this is a safe haven.

Above everything is a VIP room. It is like a sports stadium's sky-box. The windows are mirrored.

INT. SKY-BOX - NIGHT

Bryce Bradford (that's the original cockatoo ladies and germs) behind a desk building a house of cards.

BRYCE

I believe you're thinking of the XMen.

Lance Goodfellow (that's the original Afro-Lad, peeps) watches the people below. He turns away from the window smiling.

GOODFELLOW Was I narrating again?

BRYCE Just a tad.

GOODFELLOW

One of those pesky drug peddlers has weaseled past security again.

Bryce looks up from the cards with a raised eyebrows.

2.

BRYCE

Perhaps we should suit up and take care of it personally.

He motions to the ancient Lhasa Apso curled up in a dog bed in the corner.

BRYCE

Or we could sick Charles Nelson on them.

CHARLES NELSON

woof.

GOODFELLOW

You know she's the one sneaking them in.

Bryce gets up from his seat.

BRYCE

I know. I suppose this will have to be her last performance.

Bryce joins Goodfellow at the window.

BRYCE

Its a shame. So much talent.

They watch as a female impersonator dressed like Janis Joplin takes the stage.

GOODFELLOW

Would you like me to turn on the speakers?

BRYCE

what song is she going to do?

GOODFELLOW

I think its "Me and Bobby McGee".

BRYCE

Its best if you don't ... not if I'm going to let her go face to face. Its uncanny you know. The boy is far too young to have seen her when she was alive yet ... You know I saw her ...

GOODFELLOW

Ten times in concert. Yes, I know.

3.

INT. DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT

The Joplin Impersonator sits in front of a mirror. He looks down vacantly. He has taken his wig off and it sits upon a mannequin head. various pills are spilled out in front of him.

Fake Janis looks up. Bryce is behind him.

FAKE JANIS Let me guess. I'm fired.

BRYCE

Unless, you're willing to spend time in a treatment facility.

FAKE JANIS

what do you think the real Janis would say.

BRYCE

I wouldn't repeat it in presence of a lady ... or even someone who impersonates them. If you won't accept my help ... accept my advice. Be careful where and from whom you get your poison. There are some dangerous people out in the big bad world. Dangerous people who don't like people like us.

FAKE JANIS I'll keep that in mind.

EXT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT

Fake Janis walks to his car alone. The dealer from the opening runs behind him to catch up.

DEALER Hey, wait up.

FAKE JANIS

Crap.

He catches up. Fake Janis walks faster.

DEALER

You owe me money, man.

4.

FAKE JANIS

Yeah, well ... things are a little tight right now. I'll get you next time.

DEALER

That's what you said the last three times.

FAKE JANIS

Maybe you should take a hint.

The dealer grabs Fake Janis by the shoulder and forces him to turn. FJ turns into it and knees him in the groin.

DEALER

Don't you walk away from (knee to the balls) AAAAAKKKK!! I!!

The dealer falls to his knees as FJ runs away.

The dealer grits his teeth and reaches after FJ.

DEALER GET HIM!! I!!

Out of nowhere a young thug steps in front of FJ, clothslining her to the pavement.

FJ struggles to her knees. The dealer approaches holding his groin. Three other young punks are with him.

The dealer pulls a gun.

DEALER

I was just going to break a few bones but since you insist on being so damned unreasonable ...

The light directly above them explodes and a metal feather hits the ground.

DEALER

Now what?

We catch glimpses of The cockatoo but do not get a clear view of him (reference the warehouse scene in Batman Begins) as he savagely attacks the five generic young punks.

Amidst the confusion Fake Janis crawls to a stone pylon and pulls himself to his feet.

5.

The cockatoo has finished off the last of the baddies and bends over hands on his knees to support himself trying to catch his breath. His back is to us and he is still in shadow.

The punks who are not unconscious moan in pain. The Cockatoo bends backward to pop his back. He still struggles to catch his breath.

FJ notices his savior is in duress.

FAKE JANIS

I can't believe this. saved by a real life super hero.

The Cockatoo GRUNTS and grabs his left arm.

FAKE JANIS Hey, are you alright.

The Cockatoo falls to his knees. FJ runs to help him.

FAKE JANIS

Oh, my God. Do you need me to call an ambulance or something.

COCKATOO

Help me get my mask off. I can't breath.

They pull off the mask revealing Bryce Bradford.

FAKE JANIS Mr. Bradford!

COCKATOO

I think I'm having a heart attack.

FJ catches Bryce as he collapses into his arms. FJ SCREAMS.

FAKE JANIS Somebody HELP ME!!!

EXT. THE DOJO (A COMIC BOOK STORE) - DAY

Establishing shot of The Dojo, Jack and DJ's comic book store.

6.

INT. THE DOJO (A COMIC BOOK STORE) - DAY

Jack Bradford (that's the new cockatoo bitches and bitchettes) sits behind the counter.

DJ (that's the future Afro-lad, Holla at cho boy.) is near the front window with a clipboard doing inventory.

DJ

Allie is coming up the sidewalk.

Jack, JD and Wally freeze mid grapple. Jack SCREAMS.

JACK

All right everybody just be cool!

Allie comes through the door, every comic book fanboy's dream girl. Jack stands rigid behind the register.

ALLIE

Hey DJ.

Allie gives DJ Some dap.

DJ Sup, Allie cat.

Allie peruses the new releases rack. She acknowledges Jack.

ALLIE

Jackson.

Jack comes from behind the counter with a stack of comics in his hand.

JACK

Got your pull for this week Allie.

She takes the stack from him with a smile. He is frozen by it. She shuffles through the books.

ALLIE

Thanks, did the new Goon TPB come out yet?

JACK

No, but I hit a convention this weekend and ...

7.

ALLIE

You picked all the recent issues so I could start buying it month to month.

She SQUEALS and throws her arms around him.

Jack looks over her shoulder as she squeezes him. DJ is giving him the thumbs up.

ALLIE

God, I wish my boyfriend liked comics. He's always giving me the business about reading 'em.

Jack pulls away from her.

JACK

I have to the trash.

uhm ... go take out

INT. BACK ROOM - DAY

Jack paces back and forth slapping himself repeatedly in the forehead with his fist.

JACK

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why can't you just ask her out, you PATHETIC LOSER! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

INT. THE DOJO (A COMIC BOOK STORE) - DAY

Allie makes an uoh, shit" face.

ALLIE

Oh, God. I totally f**ked that up! Why oh why did I mention my stupid boyfriend.

DJ

You killed it. He was so excited about the whole Goon thing. This could have been it. I just don't understand why you do this to him. He is practically in love with you. He is a total puss when it comes to talking to bitches. And uthe business"? UThe business"? Really.

8.

ALLIE

Bitches?

DJ

Hey, I'm a black dude. I call women bitches. Live with it.

DJ

Whatever. Just ask him out. You are constantly complaining about your stupid boyfriend. Break up with that a-hole and ASK OUT JACK.

ALLIE

No, and I'll tell you why. Jack is twenty-four years old. He should be able to talk to a WOMAN by now and if I do the work for him he will never learn. Also, I know he's your friend and all and this might be hard to grasp but I think he might be a latent homosexual.

DJ

Jack is my nigga. My nigga ain't gay.

ALLIE

Really. So why does he have the complete Queer as Folk on DVD?

DJ Its the BBC one!

ALLIE

How is that LESS gay? He has a Moulin Rouge poster in his bathroom.

EXT. ALLEY BESIDE THE DOJO - DAY

A kid in a hoodie tags the wall of the adjacent building with spray paint.

A shady looking cat in street cloths approaches the kid.

SHADY CAT

Hey, little nigga. Long time no see.

The kid is startled.

9 .

HOODIE KID

shit balls! Look man I told you I can't be runnin' for you no more. My granny said she's send me back to my moms in Philly. I can't go back to Philly.

SHADY CAT

That's all well and good, partna, but you still gotta pay the tax.

The Cannoneer hovers behind them with his arms crossed looking all super heroey.

CANNONEER

Nathaniel J. Cobb ... Marcus L. Cooper you have both been judged by THE CANNONEER and found wanting. The sentence is death.

Jack comes out of the back door of the Dojo with a garbage bag in hand.

JACK what the f**k?

INT. DOJO - DAY

The argument between DJ and Allie continues.

DJ

He is not gay. I've known the nigga for four years. The fact is ... the boy has a love for hentai that I find ... disturbing to say the least.

ALLIE

Okay. Maybe he's not but I'm not taking any chances. I may not be in love with my boyfriend but ...

BLAM ... a gunshot startles them.

EXT. ALLEY BESIDE THE DOJO - DAY

The Shady Cat slides down the wall of the Dojo clutching his chest.

The Cannoneer turns the smoking barrel of his 44. Magnum revolver toward the kid in hoodie.

10.

Jack drops the garbage bag and snatches the lid off one of the metal garbage cans.

JACK

Nate, RUN!

Jack throws the garbage can lid Captain America style knocking the gun out of the Cannoneer's hand.

Jack runs at The Cannoneer and jumps him in mid-air.

They both hit the ground.

Jack struggles with The Cannoneer on the pavement.

JACK

Nate, get the hell out of here and call the cops.

CANNONEER

What are you doing, citizen? That young man is a known felon.

JACK

He's a fourteen year old kid you psycho!

The Cannoneer right crosses Jack and pushes him away.

EXT. THE DOJO, FRONT - DAY

Cannoneer staggers out of the alley. He tries to flyaway but Jack jumps on his back and pulls him back to the ground.

JACK

Not so fast spanky. You killed a guy outside my store.

The Cannoneer pulls away and spins around ...

Jack nails him with a devastating right cross.

JACK

If my shit is cursed like in that movie where the girl comes out of the TV ...

Jack kicks The Cannoneer in the pelvis knocking him to the ground.

11.

CANNONEER

That's it. You helped a convicted drug dealer escape my justice ... you can pay for his crimes instead.

Cannoneer goes for his ankle holster.

ALLIE Jack think fast!

Allie and DJ are on the sidewalk. she tosses him a replica of Thor's hammer.

Jack catches it and smashes The Cannoneer in the face.

JACK

I say thee NAY!!!

Cannoneer falls on his back unconscious.

DJ and Allie run up to Jack.

ALLIE

Jack! Are you out of your mind? That guy had a gun!

DJ

You f**king moron!

JACK

Hey. Hey. Hey. It's cool. I'm alright.

DJ

Bitch, I'm not talking about you.

DJ snatches the hammer out of Jack's hand.

DJ

That's a three hundred dollar item you dumb son of a bitch.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Bryce lays in the hospital bed hooked up to machines with tubes in his nose. Goodfellow sits in the chair beside him. They watch TV.

BRYCE

I think this might be it, old friend.

12.

GOODFELLOW

Quite. I'm watching my stories and I don't have time for your crazy talk. Sheila's back again and she's got victor Newman walled up in her basement.

BRYCE

Its time. Even if I make it through this. Its time to talk to Jack.

On the television they interrupt this program.

ANNOUNCER

We interrupt Young and the Restless to bring you this live report.

A reporter stands outside the Dojo with Jack beside her.

GOODFELLOW Speak of the devil ...

EXT. DOJO - DAY

Cops have the area around the Dojo roped off. The reporter interviews Jack as DJ and JD goof off in the background.

REPORTER

I'm here at the scene where notorious vigilante Richard Reinhart aka The Cannoneer has just been arrested for the seventh time. Reinhart as most of our viewers may know is the founder and majority shareholder of Reinhart Industries. I'm here with Jack Bradford local small business owner and the man responsible for the this ... the most recent capture of Reinhart. Jack how did you do it? Weren't you afraid to take on a man who is suspected in the murders of at least seventy three people?

JACK

I don't know. I'd seen the guy on the news and two of the people that the -bleep- killed were actually kids that came in the store sometimes. When I saw him ...

(MORE)

13.

JACK (cont'd)

well, at the end of the day I'm just poor white trash from North Florida. He didn't stand a chance.

A police officer approaches Jack and the Reporter.

REPORTER

And now one of the arresting officers is about to join us.

OFFICER

I'm sorry but you're going to have to turn that camera off. Mr. Bradford I need to place you under arrest.

JACK

what?

INT. COP CAR - DAY

Jack sits in the back of the car. Two officers in the front.

JACK

So this is just a formality right.

DRIVER

Yeah, right. You almost killed that guy.

JACK

He tried to kill me. I did you guys a favor I captured Boston's most prolific serial killer.

DRIVER

whatever. That guy's a multimillionaire you'll spend more time in jail than he will. As a matter a fact by the time he's released by the hospital his lawyers will have him cleared. He won't even spend the night in county like usual.

JACK

You better be joking.

INT. HOLDING CELL - NIGHT

Jack sits in a crowded holding cell surrounded by rough looking customers.

14.

Sitting directly beside him is a BMF of epic proportions.

BMF

So, sweet stuff what are you in for.

JACK

I uh, raped a bunch of Hell's Angels. Then I set them on fire.

BMF

Yeah, That's not a lie at all.

JACK

Okay, okay. I beat up a superhero.

BMF

You're really pushing it, kid.

OTHER PRISONER

No, its true. I saw it on the news before they threw me in here. He fractured The Cannoneer's jaw and broke a couple of his ribs.

BMF

Well, shit in a hat and call it bread.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT

Bryce is alone in his room sleeping peacefully. Fake Janis walks in looking much like he did in the parking garage.

FAKE JANIS Mr. Bradford. Its me.

Bryce opens his eyes and looks over to FJ.

BRYCE Janis is that you.

FAKE JANIS

Sort of. People call me Steven when I'm dressed like this.

BRYCE

I know your name Steven. How are you doing?

15.

FAKE JANIS

I'm still breathing thanks to you. So, you're The Incredible Cockatoo.

BRYCE You've heard of me?

FAKE JANIS

I looked it up on the Internet. So is Mr. Goodfellow a superhero too?

BRYCE

He might have been. I'm old. My memory isn't so good.

FAKE JANIS

Mr. Bradford why were you there in the parking garage?

BRYCE

I couldn't let things end like they did. Janis was always my favorite. Her music inspired me to come out to my parents. You just ... your performance was ... accurate. I couldn't let that go to waste.

Bryce's heart monitor flat-lines.

FAKE JANIS Mr. Bradford?

FJ runs over and shakes him.

FAKE JANIS Don't die ... Don't die!

INT. MORGUE - NIGHT

Goodfellow stands over Bryce's body. It is on a slab with a white sheet up to his chest.

A tear runs down Goodfellow's face.

INT. HOLDING CELL - NIGHT

The BMF has Jack hoisted up on his shoulders. All the guys in the holding cell are literally singing his praises.

16.

THE PRISONERS

Simply the best, better than all the rest ... better than anyone. You're simply the best ...

An angry guard BANGS on the cell bars with his night stick.

GUARD

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! THAT IS ENOUGH! STOP SINGING!

They stop. BMF yells angrily at the guard.

BMF

what the hell is your problem, pig!

The guard points a Jack with his nightstick.

GUARD

Mr. Popularity there just got bailed out.

INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

An officer leads Jack into the lobby.

JACK

Its about damn time DJ.

Goodfellow is waiting in the lobby.

Jack looks around confused. He looks to the cop.

JACK

Where's the guy who bailed me out?

OFFICER

The old guy. He bailed you out.

Jack walks up to Goodfellow.

JACK

Who the hell are you?

GOODFELLOW

I'm the guy who is about to change your life.

END PART ONE.

17.

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