A Day in The Life Of A Door To Door Salesman

By Oliver Fowls Version 1.0

BOSS You’re late! SALESMAN: (Coughing a little) I got caught up in traffic... Uh… it won’t happen again Boss! BOSS My God you’re useless! BOSS: Your recent sales figures have been absolute shit! I know you’ve only just divorced and both your folks died last week but… BOSS: …to put it bluntly I don’t care. I dislike you intently. I think you’re a no good useless bum. SALESMAN: (Weakly) But… BOSS: (Talking over any replies) Unfortunately I can’t fire your ass because of how I feel, but I can for poor performance! Now, if you don’t sell two hundred units of Ultra Bondex superglue you’re fired! SALESMAN: But that stuff never sells! BOSS: Hell! I never said I was gonna make it easy. So you (grabs hold of SALESMAN) better get out there (forces him toward the door) and make those fucking sales! ECCENTRIC HOMEOWNER Helloooo? SALESMAN Hi there! Can I interest you in this fantastic new product? (Pulls out a pack of superglue with a flourish) New Ultra Bondex solves all your worries!

ECCENTRIC HOMEOWNER (Screaming)NOOOOOO! SALESMAN: Hi! SALESMAN: God Morning! SALESMAN: How would you like… Mad Homeowner: Get off of my property! JOE(V/O through phone) Speak! SALESMAN Uh... Joe? JOE If it isn’t Mr Awesome himself, what the hell do you want? SALESMAN Joe I need help, I’ve got to sell two hundred packs of Super Bondex by the end of the day or I’ll lose my job (becoming a little deranged) and and I can’t lose my job Joe I Can’t! I’ll be home less and… JOE (Cuts across) Whoa Whoa Whoa! Chill out! How many you sold? SALESMAN umm… about... uh... twenty? JOE Jeez…uh, try the circus, they came into town a few days ago (Hangs up) SALESMAN (talking to dialling tone, happier) Thanks JOE! CLOWN ONE Hello? SALESMAN Uh… Hi… Can I interest you in some ultra bondex superglue? It’s clinically proven to…

CLOWN NO! Gettoutta here ya bum! CLOWN TWO Yes? SALESMAN Hello, I’m representing Ultra Bondex Superglue, I wonder if you would be interested in… SALESMAN Ah, I apologise BOSS So do I get to fire your ass now? How many you sold? SALESMAN Uh… twenty five? BOSS That’s even worse than I though you could do. Get your useless ass over here so I can take your badge and briefcase! BOSS …I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I take his badge and briefcase. BOSS The best part is that his wife left him for me! HA HA HA HA!