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Inner Dialogue by Kirk Shimano (Excerpt) CHARACTERS: John, Kyle SETTING: A coffee shop on a weekend afternoon

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Throughout this play we hear the characters speaking their private thoughts aloud, but they should be acted as if they are speaking directly to each other. ( JOHN sits at a table. He speaks to the empty chair. ) JOHN Well, he’s late. Figures. Guys in his league are used to having people wait for them. I’m still not sure why he even agreed to meet up. Maybe I’m better looking than I thought. Or maybe he’s just bored. Or maybe he won’t show up at all. ( KYLE enters and stands a bit apart, looking around. ) I think that’s him. I always hate this part. I need to perfect that look. That look that says “You’re the guy I’m supposed to meet for a date unless you’re not in which case I’m just looking in your general direction for no particular reason.” KYLE That has to be him over there. He’s totally giving me a first date look. JOHN I’m sure you’re the guy. You have to be the guy. What’s going through your mind right now? KYLE I wonder if it’s worth going over there. I might as well – it’s what I came here for. You look awfully nervous. ( KYLE approaches the table ) Did you actually dress up for this? It’s just coffee. What are you thinking right now? JOHN I hate this part too. It would be weird if I hug you, right? I guess we should shake hands. But that seems so distant. Maybe it’s manly. Manly is good, right? Oh wait

you’re already sitting down. Wow, you’re even hotter than you looked in your online profile. KYLE You’re just as disappointing as I thought you would be. JOHN Did I remember to pluck my nose hairs? KYLE Maybe if we get this over with soon I can go home and take a nap. JOHN My last date had these huge nose hairs and I couldn’t stop staring at them. Maybe I can see my reflection in this spoon. KYLE And now you’re staring at your spoon. Great, you’re weird too.