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Published by: jealiwia5964 on Feb 17, 2011
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'=) (") (") (")_(") SAYINGS: -When GIANT FLUFFY BUNNIES take over the world, I just want you to know that I'm so not saving your ass. -Start the year off with a positive attitude and an excuse for everything.

-To make a beautiful rose, sometimes you have to shovel some shit. -Put your best foot forward, and try not to step in anything. -When in doubt act happy it ll drive everyone else crazy. -Watch out for people that act weird... they may not be acting. -Don t be too proud to beg. It may be the only way to get what you want. -Let a smile be your umbrella, but plan on getting soaked. -Love puts a twinkle in your eye and a dent in your wallet.

-Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when no one is looking. -Ah the holidays! The perfect time to visit family, friends, and a therapist. -Sarcasm: just one of the services I offer. -I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? -When I say LOL I'm not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say. -Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply, just being one. -I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms -Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on t rees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. -You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm h ot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. -I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. -Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myse lf, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" -They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. -Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to s ay something. -I can resist everything except temptation.

-Lord. . -I ve got nothing to say. the drinks you mix and the frien ds you roll with. -I m magically delicious. but my brains kept falling out. -Guys are like lava lamps. she changes it more often. -Perfect the art of looking innocent. -Just because I m beautiful. and the othe r was eating fireworks. and everyone seems to be in style. -Into every life a little rain must fall. -Learn the rules so you can break them properly. -I am in shape. -My Reality Check bounced. -Fake is the latest trend. some days you re the hydrant. -Rules. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. but I think someone s mistaken me for No ah.-Lead me not into temptation. If daddy ain t happy. -Police arrested two kids yesterday. -When you re right no one remembers. don t make me say it twice. -A woman s mind is cleaner than a man s. no one ever forgets. if you won t make me skinny. Basketball is a sport for black men. -It s better to be pissed of than pissed on. -I m too busy to be organized. -I used Spot remover on my dog. but now I m not sure. then you can get away with anything. -It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose. and then he had a better idea. -I use to be indecisive. round is a shape. I can find it myself. don t nobody care. Lawyers are for when you get caught. doesn t mean I m not talented. please make my friends phat. one was drinking battery acid. -God made me.. They charged one and let the other off. -When mama ain t happy.. -Some days you re the dog. what rules? -Your only as strong as the table you dance on. -Laws were meant to be broken. -I use to have an open mind. but not very bright. -Hockey is a sport for white men. good to look at. ain t nobody happy. Now he s gone. When you re wrong.

Today s not your day.-Don t judge a boy by his boxers. some are fools. It s what s inside that counts. but you re abusing the privilege. Tomorrow doesn t look good ei ther.of course it is. Here's a newsflash Honey. -Hate: a special kind of love given to people that suck. -My door is always open. -Not all men are idiots. say something intelligent -I hear voices and they don t like you. -I only please one person a day. why the hell would I kee p looking after I found it? -I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard -There cannot be a crisis next week.. Oh the fun I will have -It's always the last place you look. -Shock me. -Behind every Bitch. some just make better pets. I do n't live to please you. I have a life -Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public -I've got ADD and magic markers. -If you don't like me. so feel free to leave. -All men are animals.. skydiving isn t for you -You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor -It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead. -My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screamin g "KUNG POW CHICKEN" -I smile because I have no idea what's going on! -If at first you don t succeed. -Poof be gone. your breath is too strong. -My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son-of-a-Bitch. there s a man who made her that way. -If you have any questions. ask someone else. Poof come back. -Everyone s entitled to be stupid. I found a Tic-Tac -Your slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. there is nothing I can do. you just can t help but smile when you see one tumble down -I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his Coach purse. -Slinky s are like idiots the stairs. My schedule is already full .

I laugh. but the truth is I enjoy every mi nute of it. and f riends before love. True friends are the reason you have no food. you know we don t waist t his stuff. Drink up. until I met the freaks that I call my friends -I ran with scissors. -Normal people worry me. If they re o k then it s you. you laugh. -Children: you spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. We screwed up. -I ve lost my mind. get your bullsht together. -Good friends will ask you if you have any food. -A good friend will come bail you out of jail. In fact. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. I bust out the slip n' slide. I laugh even harder -When it rains on my party. -The statistics on insanity are that one out of every four Americans is sufferin g from some form of mental illness. they usually repeat word for word what y ou shouldn t have said. but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying. If you see it by the side of the road please pick it up. -Children seldom misquote you. partying before studying. -A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. . Think of your three best friends. and lived! -Deja Moo: I ve heard your bullsht before. -I agree with the dictionary. A tru e friend will watch you spin in circles saying. -Some people would say I suffer from insanity. -You cry. -Mother s of teens know why some animals eat their young. but we had fun. Girls before guys.-I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator! -I used to be normal. But a best friend will go u p to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?" -Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days" -A good friend will take your drink away from you after you ve had too much. you fall off a cliff. -The main purpose of holding children s parties is to remind yourself that there a re children more awful than your own. I cry. -Grandchildren are God s gift for not killing your kids. -A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. -Here s some glue. -Of all the things I ve lost I miss my mind the most.

-Love is like war: easy to start. or both.. and impossible to forget. and the c utest smile that will take your breath away and he has the ability to make you l augh when the world just wants you to frown. -It takes a minute to like someone. has never tried it. -Dear God. but everyone else thinks you're an ass. -Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your d og die and your mom saying you can still keep it. but you can feel it. All the good guys are taken. married. . -Anyone who says.wait for the one person you can't live without. it figures. -News from the file marked "DUH" -Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. but a lifetime to forget them. -You're just jealous 'cause the little voices in my head don't talk to YOU! -My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems. and mistakes. but this was just too funny not to include :P) -Why are the Force and duct tape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and h old the universe together. -Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon. -Love is like the wind. hard to end. -Don't settle for the one person you can live with. -My head is saying "Who cares?" but my heart is saying "You do stupid!" -You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go. noting annoys them so much. dif ferences.please make everyone die. and yet still sees the best in you. you can t see it. an hour to know someone. (I actually like rap. but to somebody you may be the world.. -My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. or fictional characters in books or movies. -I think you're breaking my Gay-dar -Huh.-To the world you may be somebody. Amen. -Oh him? He just has the most ah-dorable eyes you could ever fall for. they'll catch on. -All the good ones are either gay. -Always forgive your enemies.. -Somebody needs a Happy Meal.. Easy as taking candy from a baby. -Jesus loves you.. -The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws. a day to love someo ne. vampires..

I never believed in hell until I met you. -Heaven doesn't want me there. -Best friend is ten letters. -The problem with love is that you can love anyone you want. but so can he. you brought religion into my life. How to Annoy Voldy: -Call him voldy. The government hates competition. -If you need to say like taking candy from a baby make sure to add. -The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you ca n't have them. it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that moron up side the head! -Don't lie. (Duh!) -Ask him why he doesn t have Such a cool scar -Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him all he knows. -Ask him when the last time he took a bath was.-Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. -Call him The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live. -Too often. people find that harder than others. so is lying bitch. I must be fucking gorgeous. when someone ann oys you. who wants to see me take off Snivelly s pants? James Potter (OoTP) Why spiders? Why couldn t it be Follow the butterflies . -I'm one of those really bad things that happens to undeserving people. but they will never forget that feeling you gave them when you said it. QUOTES: Harry Potter: Accio brain . -If pain is beauty. we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. -I must admit. some . it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. and hell knows I'll take over. -Perfection is nothing more than a mere dream.Ron (CoS) of course. -I wear black because I'm mourning your existence. Then stare pointedly at him. -They may forget what you said. -It's funny--the people with the closed minds usually are the ones who open thei r mouths. But then again. Remember. BUT.Ron (OoTP) Okay.

Related: -OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel. and thought he was God. into a vampire. like I promised. like you promised. Norrington: It would appear so -Will Turner: Where s Elizabeth? Jack Sparrow: She s safe. like s he promised. It's not fair. saw Carlisle. she s all set to marry Norrington. we did it -Harry Did what? -Dumbledore walks away whistling (PoA movie) Professor Lupin s having a really tough night Harry Understatement (PoA movie) How did you get there? I was talking to you there. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Quotes From People: Harry . honestly Ron.Come on Buckbeak. that and every one of us woke up. so God is Carlisle.James Potter in Return of the Father Pirates of the Caribbean: -Norrington: You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of. (Later in the movie after Jack steals Interceptor) -Officer: That s got to be the best pirate I have ever seen. Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me. cone and get the nicer dead ferret -Hermione (SS movie) He s free. and you get to die for her. how can someone be in two places at once? (PoA movie) Hiya Snivilly! . and God created angels. and Carlisle creat ed Edward. -Stupid shiny Volvo driver. and now your there -Ron What s he talking about Harry? -Hermione I don t know. -Jack Sparrow: Did no one come to save me just because they missed me? Twilight Series: -Vampire's like Baseball? -You're intoxicated by my vary presence -Did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? -You are utterly indecent! No one should look so tempting. so we re all men of ou r word really Except for Elizabeth who is in fact a woman.

it wa s physically impossible. "Then you ask him".A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales. The girl: replied. better just stick up your finger and say screw it all --Seth O. today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Water on the other hand is not. or is it merely another form of prejudi ce towards those who are different? Becca -You re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on--Dean Martin -The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions and the road to heaven is just a s bad." ---United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure STORIES I FOUND AMUSING OR CUTE: Why Not to Mess With Kids: . It's like the future. The little girl: said. came back for two days. or looking up from her drawing. The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human be cause even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small." Ms.-"Happy Meals are good for hangovers.W. bu t it hurts.It s ½ a horse. Movie Quotes: -"Tomorrow's not just tomorrow. -A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. Maelyn likes Brennan. t he girl: replied. and now Brennan's out sick with strep. Brennan likes Maelyn. The teacher: ask ed.Somerset Maugham -Remember. As she go t to one little girl who was working diligently. Well. Ju st saying.Naked Gun 2 ½ -"If you cannot read this. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. sell walls there?" -. please ask the flight attendant for assistance.We all have someone we really love. let s call it a horseageagle! My really weird brother refer . -. Maelyn was out si ck with strep. The teacher: paused and said. ½ an eagle to Buckbeak." My Aunt R obyn -"I'm just saying. The litt le girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. -. -QuidditchGirl30 . "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".C. guess what. Fields -The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. I love you. "They will in a minute. "I'm drawing God.Paris Hilton -I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl: replied. That someone we would die for. "But no one kn ows what God looks like. like. Without missing a beat. Brant -"Wal-Mart? Do they. that person t hat we care about more than anything. -. y'know?" -. Blade . and even if they don t love us back. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing. Irritated. the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human." -. were alw ays there for them.She s All That -"Truth hurts.Dale Carnegie -Is there even such a thing as insanity. she asked what the drawing was.

TEACHER: Tommy. "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothe rs and sisters? Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) an swered. and I would turn red in the face. Trying to make t he matter clearer. We can't see God because he isn't there. she asked." "Yes. A child had written a note. "Now." Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted. "Take all you want. God is watching the apples. I saw the sky. do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yes. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. God is watching!" Moving further along the lunch line. and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE.. Possibly he just doesn't exist. she possibly may not even have one! (YOU GO GIRL!) Smart Women: .Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast . The nun made a note . TOMMY: Okay." -The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.. she said.-A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. TEACHER: That's my point. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mo ther. if I stood on my head. do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. the blood. TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. "Thou shall not kill. TEACHER: Did you see God up there? TOMMY: No. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. -One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yessssss! LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky? TOMMY: Yessssss! LITTLE GIRL: Tommy. would run into it. "Because your feet aren't empty. as y ou know." -A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. class. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocola te chip cookies. do you see the teacher? TOMMY: Yes LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain? TOMMY: No LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes." the class said. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy.

"Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife. "Anytime you're ready. "And you are no good in bed either. He is so proud of himself. Husband gets up in a rage and says. but I could make your bed rock! -Oops. I appear to have fallen on your lips. He shouts at the top of his voice.? She comes to the phone after many rings. Mother of One night. he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says. shouts right back. you have nothing to put in it. Six in spite of her objections. -YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO -Was that an earthquake. and the irritated husband says. "I was in bed. that he starts calling his wife." and storms out of the house. After some time. or did I just rock your world? .table." (OUCH!!) He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra. doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" (YEP." "In bed this early. they go to a party. Father of Four . She Said: You wear pants don't you? (He deseved that) Pick-up Lines: -I ain't no Fred Flinstone. irritated by her husband's lack of discretion. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. HE HAD THAT ONE COMING!) -A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

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