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Positive Mental Attitude
e all have problems every day, and every day's problems impact on the way that we live and enjoy our lives - or not enjoy. The problem arises when our problems take over and shadow the enjoyment of our lives. Just to simply say to yourself "let's be positive" does not always do the trick and seldom has the desired long term effect. One thing that we have to keep in mind, is that a negative feeling toward our life will show - not only in our actions, but also the way that we look. The old saying of " you were born with a face, but you earned the way your face looks at forty " is very true - as all your experiences will be reflected on your face when you reach this age. To live in an "attitude of gratitude" as advised by Anthony Robins, is not a bad idea, since we all seem to take so much for granted, without being grateful for it. Life does not owe us a living, and there are no guarantees that our lives are going to be without a hitch, so it is best to open your eyes in the morning with the idea that life will throw things at you, for no rhyme or reason - and that you will have to cope. You are not singled out for problems - they just simply happen - and need to be attended to - so to spend time, effort and worry about why it happened is time and energy wasted. Life should be seen as a game of "snakes and ladders" where you will have to learn a lesson when landing on a "snake" - because unless you learn the lesson you will have to repeat the same lesson at a later stage. When you land on a "ladder" it is time for you to move ahead - and be grateful for the fact that you have passed a test. Should you ever look around and see people with "perfect" lives - have a closer look - because never mind how "perfect" a life - there is always a problem or two in the background - and it is your ability of coping with these problems that will determine if you are successful or not. So the bottom line is - make the most of your life and do not allow everyday problems to get you down - never mind how difficult it may seem at that moment all problems are temporal (my word = things are temporary) - and need to be placed in context.
I'm constantly learning from the popular media -- movies, books, newspapers. Over the years, I've learned a lot -- and I have to admit, that I don't seem to be learning as much from movies as I used to; perhaps I'm seeing the wrong movies. Anyway, when contemplating this week's topic, I was reminded of the line in the Billy Crystal flick, "City Slickers." Billy gets his mojo, so to speak, from an old cowboy, who tells him the meaning of life: "one thing." The key of the movie -- and I heartily recommend it if you haven't seen it yet -- is that for each of us, there's one thing that will lead us to being a success. And yet, for most of us, we often do everything but that one thing. Earl Nightingale, in one of his "Our changing world" programs, talked about this very thing. Many of his most interesting observations are contained in the tape series "The Essence of Success," but Nightingale-Conant also put the programs into an excellent hardbound book. Let me quote from it: "We get what we expect from life. If we expect more, and plunge in after it, we'll get it. If you want to turn your dreams into reality, you're going to have to take a chance. There's no playing it safe." It's really simple, but it's something we don't usually follow: the greatest success you are likely to have is doing something you are good at doing. "The great question," said William Shakespeare, "is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure." That is the great problem that keeps most of us from success -- we learn to be content with failure. Oh, our failure may not be the full-blown, bankruptcy and ashes style of failure, but it's failure nevertheless -- simply because we chose to ignore the success potential which was inside us all of the time. Truth be told, most of us know it's there -- most of us know that deep down inside ourselves, we've got a spark of something, that if we cultivated it, could turn into a blazing inferno of success. Many of us know it's there, and yet never act on it -- we're just too scared. It's there where Earl's advice rings true: "If we expect more, and plunge in after it, we'll get it." All around us are people who attempt to diminish our ability to change. They say things like "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." Did you know that Harlan Sanders (you probably know him better as "Colonel Sanders") didn't start his first chicken place until he was in his mid-60s and on a pension? Do they know that people adapt, every day, to change -- sometimes radical, jarring change -- and then move on?
83 The naysayers around us will tell you that you can't succeed -- only the rich succeed. Good grief -- how do they think people got rich to begin with? The naysayers will tell you that PMA doesn't work -- but it does! Even science is proving that the mind-body connection is real. The old adage of "What you can believe and conceive, you can achieve" is true! The cynics in this world will tell you there is no chance of success -- but they're wrong! People succeed every hour of every day. Businesses may fail, but they also succeed -and the people who started them are often dumber than you! Are you so blind that you can't see your own potential? If you are, just ask your wife or your husband (or your boyfriend or your girlfriend, or your mother). They've seen it for years. If they're like my wife, they keep bringing it up! This is the truth: success happens. It happens all of the time. It happens mainly to people who have a vision, take the leap of faith, and work their hearts out to bring their dreams to pass -- although oddly enough, oftentimes, people find their "line of success" is doing something that seems like play to them, not work. Can you be a success! You'd better believe it! And when you believe it, and act on it, you will become a success in whatever you choose to do -- that "one thing" that Billy Crystal learned about in the movie.
CUAAR -- Five letters to a better relationship
When you use the word "relationship," nowadays, most people think you're talking about what is euphemistically called a "love relationship." It's what your spouse means when she says "Honey, we need to talk about our relationship." But, when you get right down to it, whenever two people meet and associate together, you've got a "relationship." It's not the kind you usually sit down and talk about, but it's there nevertheless. For the purposes of our discussion today, we're going to concentrate on "business relationships" -- employees, customers, potential customers, co-workers, and bosses -but the five concepts we'll talk about are important to any relationship, even the kind you sit down and talk about. This is certainly not an exhaustive list, by any means. I don't claim to be Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, or Dr. Spock. Still, it's a useful little list of five items that can make or break a relationship -- any type of relationship. The words start with the letters C, U, A, A, and R. Put them together, they spell CUAAR. I say it "Ku-are." So let's dive right into it: CUAAR -- five little letters that mean five powerful, positive steps to better relationships.
I was listening to a co-worker talk some time ago. This person was berating another employee, without even giving the other time to explain. I'm sure my co-worker thought this demonstrated power -- or something. The years have taught me something, though -- when I take a friendly approach to others, I usually get more from them. For whatever reason, I've found when I call someone up, joke with them a bit, be outgoing and gregarious, I can usually get whatever information I need, even from the most apparently hard-hearted individual. When I come on with a "full court press," demanding the information, threatening them, and berating them, I find I usually don't get a thing. H. L. Mencken was once asked to explain the key to a successful marriage. "Common courtesy," he was reported to have said.
attempting to save money on my expense account. and even though I eat at my local McDonalds quite often.m. Even with those people. even bordering on the edge of nasty? Perhaps it's just the circles I sometimes move around in. complaining. I soon learned that when I was courteous. but that doesn't mean I actually work" variety. rarely gets any information. but when I opened the door. I remember one day some 15 years ago at a McDonald's restaurant in Atlanta. there are plenty of people you've worked with that you probably wouldn't give the time of day. I'm convinced they didn't want any customers. at all. We tend to always show courtesy to our bosses. a worker said "Hey! We don't want any customers in here. or high-pressure selling. Most of the time. they are doing the same thing that Atlanta McDonald's did to me. but they're really not as prevalent as you think they are. Georgia. irritating salespeople. courteous interview. I was happy to grant their wish." How about in the workplace? Sure. continual price hikes.83 I am constantly amazed at how many people try to throw their weight around. Sure. and.but you know. only to find that the staff was discourteous. I was in town on business. it usually worked out better. usually gets a wealth of information. When a company is discourteous to its customers. you've got to wonder why they try it. through long lines. and sometimes even to current customers. I work here. obscene service charges. uncaring tellers. They are saying "Hey! We don't want any customers. and consider common courtesy to be a sign of weakness. nasty checkers. but many of us rarely show courtesy to our employees. I never went back to that particular location. One of the things I taught was this truth: the 60minutes style "confrontation interview. on a Sunday morning. I used to teach reporting at a university. I'm no saint where this is concerned. on the other hand. continual telemarketing calls. The low-key. where camera crews shove a camera and microphone into someone's face and then ask confrontational questions. and even many of our customers! Don't believe me? How many times have you personally been sucked into a store as the result of an advertisement. there have been people I've worked with that I couldn't stand. even though I have been to Atlanta a number of times since. pushing. there are still the ones who will stab you in the back. The world is full of people. Over the years. demanding. You know. Their sign said they opened at 8:00 (this was in the downtown business area). The restaurant was full of employees. I had gone to the local McDonald's for breakfast. Courtesy is the first thing about developing a relationship. Most people warm up well when shown common courtesy. either." that you see on TV. and a lot of those people are of the "Yes. our potential customers. It was 8:30 a. our coworkers. but I've seen it quite a bit. . yet!" I guess they must have been running late -. and swearing. these people don't have a great deal of success with that approach. In business.
and I pursued him with some vigor. learn that it wasn't a good thing to do -. you're more likely to go to a hardware store where the employees smile at you.courtesy of my father. If you're already courteous to others. Some businesses actually hire with courtesy as a primary requirement. if members of the same family. and locked the door behind him. or a different culture. and desires. in my frame of reference. Now. was teasing me. have a hard time understanding each other. you're more likely to patronize businesses where the store employees treat you with respect. who were raised by the same parents. I'll never forget one such disagreement in my own life. he was tormenting me. and a whole boatload of different experiences.through the glass panel in the door. different hopes.but I don't always understand him. your parents brought him up at a different time in their lives. he has a different outlook on the world. or a difference in expectations. Being resourceful. In the long run. one of the biggest things that causes trouble in this world is a lack of understanding. who spanked my behind. Your brother is different than you are. who is five years older than I am. It would be naïve for me to say that people are alike the world over. When layoffs come. Usually it's a matter of a different language. backstabbing ones. I picked up the largest rock I could find. unless the nasty employees are God's gift to the company. We come from a lot of different cultures. they must actively hire the nastiest people they can find. and threw it at him -. you're more likely to patronize a bank that has courteous tellers. So. I did however. Some others -well.83 Better yet. People are different. try ramping it up a bit. If you're anything like me. I predict you'll be impressed at the difference. dreams.and see how well it works for you. they're often among the first cut -because nobody really campaigns to keep them around. try treating some stranger as if they are your favorite family member -. courtesy gives you a distinct business advantage. often in the same house. nasty. it's a difference in upbringing.try being nice to strangers on the phone. and less likely to come to the whining. I was mad. promotions are more likely to come to the courteous employee. I love my brother -. I was probably four or five years old. is there any hope for the rest of us? . putting a barrier between us. sometimes. Anyway. I think you'll be amazed at what a difference it makes. Laughing maniacally (or so it seemed at the time) he went into back door of the house. a lot of different value systems. My brother. Try being more courteous in your daily activities -. U: Understanding You know.
aren't we? I imagine there are those "plain vanilla" people who might be reading this. do you try and find out as much as you can about that person? Most of the time. the better the rapport you develop. So.and the key to understanding is information. you may have grown up in an apartment building. Some people reach acceptance. You're never going to understand another person totally -. others are not. The more you get to know about someone. Often. We probably . As a result. Perhaps your co-worker grew up in an foster home. We want to be accepted. the more information. you probably learn just enough to know how to pigeonhole them in your "sorting file of life. or a dysfunctional home. in spite of those quirks.83 Of course there is." It reminds me of a Dilbert cartoon from some years ago. We don't necessarily have to verbally communicate it. How do you get this information? The old fashioned way: ask questions. Companies wish to be accepted by their customers. I decided "Acceptance" would be a better word." The more information you gain. You may have grown up in a supportive home where you were constantly praised. the more business (or support) that will likely come your way. there are other manners of communication. but most of us have our little quirks here or there. perhaps they show a constant need for positive reinforcement. You may have had every chance at success." As I thought about it. was rejected by a prospective company. I bet you once got so exasperated at someone that you wanted to throw that rock. we want to be accepted for what we are." we must communicate to others what makes us worthy of acceptance. Strangely enough. When you meet someone new. communication is the key -.men have been learning this for years. the better your understanding of someone will be. where I grew up in a house in a rural community. Some companies are accepted. Still. the more you begin to understand them. who is the bald one. others don't. More than that. oh. because "We've already got a bald guy. All you need to know is the key -. to be sure. Wally. in a big city. tutored by their wives and girlfriends -. for their unique mix of traits that set them apart.but you can gain a pretty good understanding of what makes someone tick. or in a "broken" home. Most of us have relatively similar frames of reference.but unlike our formula for "understanding. we're all strange in our own way. there are differences. A: Acceptance This letter was originally a "W" for "worth. where they had to work for it.
We may not accept everything they do -there are no rules that say that having a relationship condones every psychotic action someone may make -. doesn't count. sell to.com and reading Monday Motivation!) What would it hurt? Try it! I think you'll be amazed at the results. employees. Doesn't the customer deserve a better break than the person you're trying to entice? Why not try a magazine where we say. I appreciate you coming to Salesstar. make it known. and yet raise the rates of the current subscriber. R: Recognition I guess you could also make this letter mean "respect. this problem extends to governments. one thing that absolutely galls me is magazines that give special rates to new subscribers.83 don't want to hand-letter it on a sandwich board. for what they contribute to you. Even with all I've said. teach others what it means." but all of the items we've talked about are leaning toward that. but in subsequent years. What's wrong with showing a bit of appreciation once in a while? Why not do something special from time to time for a good customer? You know. too. I mean to recognize your friends. as much as possible. your rate goes down." Why not show some appreciation? (Incidentally. Have you told your co-workers that you appreciate them? Have you told it to your boss? Have you thanked your customers? Have you told your spouse that you appreciate her or him? (Saying "I Love You. while important. We want to show our contribution. A: Appreciation I'm not a great expert at this. By recognition. "You know. but I suspect the world would be a whole lot better place if there were more "I appreciate what you're doing for me" and less "I think you should be doing this. and parade through the office. live with.but do you show appreciation to the people you work with. and employers. "we appreciate your business. if we want to develop a relationship with them." during the whole year. and many companies will send out holiday greetings to their customers." This problem extends beyond just casual relationships. even if it's just our lives at our place of work. . customers. ultimately. the first year's a bit more expensive.but we should accept enough of that person to include some part of them into our lives. it's the only time they ever say. either -. or buy from? It's getting near to the holiday season. co-workers. we should accept others.) I may be wrong. though. Half the time. family.
a certificate to hang on the wall." but I think it's extremely important. They didn't turn the tokens in because the silly little things meant too much to them. The tokens were good for a free meal at the company cafeteria. . As they studied the reason. that were given out to employees that did a good job. (fearing ptomaine poisoning at the cafeteria. Even a little bit of recognition -. Some years ago. and it amazes me how many have kept the key chains -. the fifth level. and purchased some little tokens. The social scientist Abraham Maslow taught what he called a "hierarchy of needs. From there. that key chain was given to them as a point of recognition for a job well done.83 I know this goes hand-in-hand with "appreciation. That group of employees is long since dispersed. I gave out a key chain to a group of employees. no doubt)." At the bottom of his list were the basic needs. have tokens such as these a part of their recognition product line.makes all the difference in the world. the leaders dishing out the tokens found that few were ever being turned in. a special mention at a company meeting -. but as time went on.and use it as a visual reminder of a little bit of recognition. they found that people were keeping the tokens as a symbol of recognition. are beyond the scope of what we're talking about today. we go to the higher needs. but I have kept in contact with many of those employees over the years. such as Successories. Of course. A company some years ago took some money out of its normal training budget. In recent years. lies the need for achievement and recognition. and I believe it's worth at least 20 threats. The top needs. food and water. fulfillment and aesthetic satisfaction. but just below that level. some companies. I've still got mine. a parking space.
for a paycheck they think is too small.83 "I know well who I am" The title for this week's edition of Monday Motivation comes from the book "Taran Wanderer. For better or worse. invigorate.and throughout history. So -. that has remained the essential advice to a person who wants to succeed: First off. a man called "Annlaw Clay-Shaper. they can't make the contributions they may have otherwise made. Annlaw Clay-Shaper. I know well who I am. May I ask a few questions? 1. an alimony payment. for a company they distrust. a really cool red convertible. but they're also likely to have an ex-spouse." It's perhaps sad to note it. his mentor. Finally. none of which fit him perfectly. Surely there's got to be a better way to gain an understanding of who you really are. Most people labor most of their lives doing a job they hate. the main character searches to find his niche in life.. a toupee.." (perhaps Harry "Potter" is his descendant) says this: ". while usually providing a salary that was significantly higher than their current job. Is your work fulfilling? If they didn't pay you to do it. know who you are. a family who hates them. because so many people tie up their self-image with their profession. that knowledge must serve me my lifetime. In the book. They never take the time to choose a line of employment that would challenge. they rarely achieve the happiness they should have achieved.who are you? It's funny -. trying many vocations. they may have a better understanding of who they are." said the philosopher Socrates -. would you do it anyway? This is the first question we have to ask.but many people get to middle age without ever giving a thought to who they really are." a children's book by Lloyd Alexander." "Know thyself. One mid-life crisis later. but most of the people in the world today aren't like Annlaw. Look around you at your friends and co-workers. and inspire them to greater heights. People stuck in such a rut don't progress to their full potential. How many of them appear to be in the right line of work? How many of them appear to be happy at what they do? . Very few can say: "I know well who I am. and a "social" disease.
the one thing that would make you better. perhaps some job counseling is a good choice.83 My late father. Still. Most large cities have professional job coaches who make their living by helping people find where they belong in life. He owned his own business. anywhere. stronger. work. Commit to this challenge. and what we can offer. Managing confrontations ." we tend to change and grow even more rapidly. 2.at least in this time frame. Just a word to the midlife-crisis prone out there: in all your introspection. God rest his soul. If you can't find one. 3. Write it down on a sheet of paper: "I commit to being all I am capable of becoming. and it's up to us to find it.but it should be an easy one to answer. right now. Even though you might have to do a little bit of fine-tuning. introspection. and questioning -. Do you like yourself? If you are able to answer in the affirmative. for a lot of us there's one "optimal" career we "ought" to be following -. and happier? Sure you are -. Each of us is capable of finding out who we are. for example). Try and find a way to make a living doing that. While there are many people who can be happy in any position. Do you like who you are? If there were one thing that could be easily changed about you. it shows you're likely on a reasonable track. he sometimes referred to going back to work as "going back to that He_ _ hole. he was respected in the community.because when we discover our "best self. questioning. or for those who may not have reasonable expectations (how many people will be chosen to play professional baseball." Sign your name to it. Are you willing to dedicate yourself to becoming better. looking for the Hell around the bend." (You can no doubt fill in the blanks). It's only through constant improvement and change that we truly learn who we are -. The second part of this question is the quest for positive change -. It's usually something that comes easily to you.or you wouldn't be reading Monday Motivation. For those people who don't know what interests them. was in a job that he did very well. My suggestion: most people know inherently what things interest them most out of life. although it may be difficult to someone else. what would it be? This is another two-in-one question. nevertheless.but it'll come. I know -. don't lose the heaven you have. It may take work. Remember it. a call to the human resources department of a large local employer may provide a lead. and seeking. you're heading in roughly the right direction.
and stop them from exploding. After they've exploded.and in confronting them. and then refine and polish the ideas. and more worthy of success. it's making your life better by attacking your problems head on. let's look at the "Five D's" of effective confrontation management: Defuse. D1: Defuse: Negative confrontations are like ticking time bombs -. we master them. confrontation can be viewed as either positive or negative -. Search results." and especially how to manage them. Discuss. It's bringing something to a head. more approachable. Now. and more responsive. "Confrontation" is one of those things that people either love or hate -. topics keep bubbling to the top of my list for Monday Motivation. We confront our fears. and Decide. or a boss with a scowl on his face. or the economic news. queries. We meet these things head-on -. Positive confrontation is a growing experience. or the mid-winter blues. it's putting your challenges behind you. The best example for this kind of confrontation is a yelling customer. but for some reason. Like any other item in this world. For this type of confrontation -. It's a goal to become more resolute. our quest is all about truth and right prevailing in our lives. Lately. Strangely enough.the side that people have been seeking help to deal with. let's discuss the other side of confrontation -. many of the most successful technology companies actually foster a spirit of confrontation in their ranks. more courageous. . Like the knights of old.a quest to make yourself better. it's too late. an upset co-worker. and news items seem to isolate some topics that just stand out and demand to be recognized. and our weaknesses. Drain. stronger. In this case.they either enjoy the whole sport of it.so this Monday Motivation is written for the other half -.83 Sometimes.the people who are trying to learn how best to deal with confrontations in general.and yet we usually lump it into the "negative" camp.you've got to deal with them. Determine. I don't know if it's the war news.what we usually consider the negative sort. their "positive confrontational" environment seeks to use the process to spur teams and individuals on to greater glory. or they avoid it like the plague. in an effort to force great ideas to the surface. who confronted evil at every turn. our challenges. People who enjoy the sport of confrontation usually don't seek advice on how to manage it -. Positive confrontation is a quest -. it's been the topic of "confrontations. this topic has finally bubbled up to where I think it's something we can look at.
Like all segments of our conscious self.and controlling your response to a confrontation is a powerful positive tool in your possession. he's never going to win if he addresses it in that manner. another family member. but it can just as easily apply to a co-worker. it's unlikely you are responsible for everything bad that happens. we will use the example of a customer. As the man said. cool manner. no matter how the other party is reacting. They have to become a customer advocate where warranted -. Accepting responsibility for the eventual addressing of the customer's concerns will automatically defuse the issue. I'd say "you're probably right. or the highway patrolman standing outside your car window.) D2: Drain emotion from the confrontation. If you work for a company. Notice that I'm not suggesting you accept responsibility for customer's assertions." and move on. (This premise also holds true with a spouse. . and talk with a smile in your voice -. He has to apologize for 150 percent of the whole thing. How do you cut off emotion in a confrontation? By forcing yourself to respond in a calm. Why? When she tried to argue with me. When you cut off the emotion. and deserves to be heard. Even if the customer is incorrect in some detail. Perhaps you'll find your company is incorrect. or whether you want to be happy. While you may not take all of you should still take the responsibility to deal with the issue. and his wife is 40 percent wrong. self-controlled manner. I used to have a friend who loved confrontation -.and if not. all the emotion is drained away. a spouse. a child. To defuse a negative confrontation.but still accept responsibility to get the job done. then seek to be understood. as many men have learned.83 In our examples. This is one of the keys of good customer service -. Negative confrontation is fueled by emotion. Try it! D3: Discuss. If a man decides he is 60 percent wrong in an argument.front line personnel have to have the power to address customer concerns. be kind. she is still a customer. accept responsibility to address the concerns. they need to make the customer's point of view obvious to those people in power. the confrontation burns itself out.and hated to argue with me. Be personable. you can decide whether you want to be right. Steven Covey has propagated this motto: First seek to understand. no matter what. When you address a confrontation in a professional. customer's all of the personally the blame. most emotions can be controlled -.
Until you understand the customer's perception of the issue. and proceed to put that course of action into effect. for yourself and your customer.but don't beat it into the ground. to ensure that her needs are being effectively met through the resolution.not to win points on a scoreboard. as well -. to form a conclusion and a course of action. Confrontation can be good or bad. Negative confrontation can be easily turned to positive power. Discussion is a powerful means to understand the customer's point of view. bad. it had eventually turned into a business that was run by one of the "Ds. it will prove to the customer that you're listening to what she says. All it takes is the "Five D's. . we'd call Dale.the weighing of good. Not only will this facilitate your getting the facts right. Most of them have to do with hemorrhoids. Refer to those notes." A one-time partnership. there is a business called "4-D Plumbing and Builder's Supply. Your point in discussion is to turn a negative confrontation into a positive one -. Discussion is a two-way street -. Determination is a process -. in the town where I grew up." You know. just to ensure you've got it correctly." Dale. Whenever something stopped up in the house.they serve to unstop the clogs that stand in the way of effective communication. Determination should be a means where your negative confrontation rapidly becomes a useful action plan. decide on a course of action. you will not be able to comprehend their particular reality. Repeat back to the customer those areas that he or she has brought up. Remember this law: Perception becomes reality. Take notes while you discuss the parts in question. and he'd unstop it. Follow through with the customer as needed. I tend to think of the "Five D's" in the same way -.83 There are few things that people can't discuss. D4: Determine: Our fourth "D" is to determine a course of action that will appropriately address the customer's concerns. have courage for the future. as well as your concerns from your company's point of view. and indifferent. Your challenge is to confront your fears. and turn your negative confrontations into positive experiences. D5: Decide and proceed: One you've made a determination.and you should make your point of view known.
" . It's possible that your idea is a bad one -." and then does it. The person who stretches a bit. this phrase is used against good ideas that are only remotely related to what was once tried. and you see that it's just "I can't do that. we've always made them badly. confronted by foreign companies with better. meanwhile. We don't see a reason why he needs to walk. • "We've already tried that. but unless you've got a road map of the future. but perhaps you recognize them from someone in the office. I can't see much reason to change. Those words? "I can do that. you might as well give it a shot. The optimist says "I can do that. keeps volunteering. The pessimist." How about an automobile company." This phrase is a bit trickier. that's the way he's always done it.83 "I Can Do That!" Of all the thousands words in the English language. it doesn't mean it will work. now's the time to change. though. it'll soon become apparent." Here is the phrase of the person who spends his entire day watching the clock. cheaper cars: "Oh. He'll be watching it from that same desk until he's gone. • "That's the way we've always done it. • "That's never going to work. Of course. long time. If you recognize them in your own speech." cached in terms to make it sound like you respect history. and dropped." Those four words are the difference between an optimist and a pessimist. and we've made them expensively. because companies promote people who contribute more than they're paid for. What they mean is "I won't make it work. Times change. all of which say the same thing. and if the idea is a bad one. but nobody is ever sure how. I doubt you'd ever use any of these "Can't Do" phrases. Can you imagine the mother of a three-year-old saying it about her still-crawling kid? "Oh." "Never" is a long." Carry this phrase to its natural conclusion. either. • "That's not in my job description. Four little ones can make a whale of a difference. Most of the time.but it's more likely that the person who uses it is a "nay-sayer." Just because an idea was tried ten years ago doesn't mean that it won't work now. and keeps learning is the person a company values." This powerful little phrase can kill a lot of projects. and it didn't work. has a number of different phrases to use.
Being a "can do" person is largely a matter of deciding you can do it. For many of us. ever work." says this: You are the handicap you must face. and made something work. We choose to decide if we "can do" or "can't do.83 History is full of people who cut the "never" out of this phrase.most offices have a few people who are "can do" sorts. Choose wisely and become a "can do" kind of person. Face it -. The truth is -. You must say where you want to go. How much you will study the truth to know. the leader or the ballast.it'll never. or the major facilitators." We choose whether we will be the optimist or the pessimist. You are the one who must choose your place. and a bunch of people who are "can't do" people. the contributor or the detractor. An organization succeeds to the extent that the optimists outweigh the pessimists. The noted poet Edgar Guest. .most of the reasons why things "don't work" is because of people. in his poem "Equipment. they're right -. If people don't commit to making something work. we are the major obstacles in our life.
The man must furnish the will to win. Two arms. So start for the top and say. the wise and great They take their food from a common plate. You are the handicap you must face." Look them over. You can be great if you only will. but He Lets you decide what you want to be. So figure it out for yourself. You've all that the greatest of men have had. The world considers them brave and smart. You are the one who must choose your place. You were born with all that the great have had. With this equipment they all began. Get hold of yourself and say: "I can. And the man who has risen great deeds to do Began his life with no more than you. two eyes And a brain to use if you would be wise. God has equipped you for life. You're well equipped for what fight you choose. "I can. You can triumph and come to skill." . But you've all they had when they made their start. Guest Figure it out for yourself. And similar knives and forks they use. my lad. How much you will study the truth to know. my lad. With similar laces they tie their shoes. You must say where you want to go. two hands. two legs. You have legs and arms and a brain to use.83 EQUIPMENT by Edgar A. Courage must come from the soul within. With your equipment they all began.
of course) "I love you. and stab you in the back anyway. a sick spouse. The key is not letting people pull you down to their level. realizing that some nasty people will look at this as a sign of weakness. if you learn to understand them. and say (to yourself. who was secretary of state at the time Ronald Reagan was shot. 1. Just as how you are going to find bad drivers. "I'm in charge here" means you're ultimately responsible. it gives you more to use against them. All around you are people who have negative attitudes towards life." Maybe you could give them a hand. financial troubles.83 Fighting the bad attitudes of other people No matter how good an attitude you develop for yourself. you're going to find people who have an unenlightened view of life. perhaps that's the way they get what they want. 2. Stay responsible for your own attitude. You just don't know what's going on. Here are six simple rules you can use to deal with people with horrible attitudes. but the phrase is a good one. There's really nothing you can do about it. car problems. Once you decide that. and nasty people may go. understanding is the best way to combat a bad attitude. nasty people may come. and troubles may go. Troubles may come. An easy phrase to use to keep yourself on track by is the famous one used by Alexander Haig. no matter what outside stimulus you may encounter. Realize you don't usually know what's going on with people." Og Mandino has several "scrolls of success. elderly parents. no matter what road you take. then seek to be understood. or hemorrhoids. health challenges. your attitude can stay positive. Haig told reporters. Steven Covey has a favorite phrase: "first seek to understand. "I'm in charge here." Sometimes. . You are always responsible for your own attitude." Haig wasn't really in charge. job woes. They haven't tried any other method. If they're always nasty. In his book "The Greatest Salesman in the World. If all else fails. and you shouldn't be judging them. It could be that person has a troubled child." One of those scrolls tells you to look at each person you meet. no friends. you don't live in a vacuum. and he didn't last long in the Reagan White House. Try to befriend them. it's suddenly easier to keep positive. no matter what happens.
through example. He refused to work. One speaker was mesmerizing. and we can impact those around us in a positive way. you learn everybody's troubles. Positive people tend to be promoted higher than negative ones. and when I started dealing with people who grew up in larger cities. Concentrate on content. and make more of an impact as they go through life. but when I wrote down what he was saying. they may still deliver a lot of great information in what they say. (even when their personal approach to life may be negative) you can make a real difference in others' lives. Help them to change. Positive people tend to accomplish more out of life. Negative attitudes only impact us when we let them. he wasn't saying a whole lot. and it doesn't matter. Learn more about the person. no matter what. 6. Some years ago. When I became the team leader. One member of that team had a real problem with the former leader. Years ago. It reformed the way the "troubled" person looked at what he was doing -.what matters is how you deal with it. Use those strengths to make yourself better. Always be positive.only because I refused to let my personal approach to team leadership be dictated by what I had been told about that person. for both positive and negative change. I'm not suggesting you ignore negative attitudes. when I was doing some newspaper reporting. we choose to keep our life oriented toward our needs and goals. Sometimes. In a larger city. Learn to ignore the attitude. not delivery. 4. and concentrate on the content. Often when someone has a negative approach to life. By choosing to remain positive. and learn from their strengths. only that you choose to not respond to it in a negative way. I found many of them had a different mindset. It doesn't really matter what kind of attitude gets thrown your way -. 5. I was responsible for a team of people. and like it that way. Realize it may just be a different way of reacting to the world than you know. The second speaker was subdued. In a small town. we can perceive a negative attitude in someone when all we're really encountering is a different way of looking at life. By keeping a positive outlook. and you can learn something from them. . I was covering two speeches. Example is a powerful motivator. I chose to ignore the former problems. I grew up in a little town. and take a "leadership through example" approach. and dealing with people in a positive way. The difference was totally delivery.83 3. but his speech contained a lot of meat in it. and how you perceive its worth. you learn nobody's troubles.
and I bet you like them too. just as if they sneezed one in our direction. Sometimes. Whatever happens. "I love humanity -.or finding a way to occupy your time when they come to call. It sounds like a nasty trick to play on someone -. they do it to try and make you feel like them -. Just as you would take effort not to catch a cough or cold from someone else. But sometimes you can do without some people -. so you should make a special effort to keep from catching a down attitude.dropping you down to where they live. Keep yourself away from them -.really nice -. Make no mistake about it. jack rabbits.physically or emotionally." Oh. Here then are five easy steps to inoculate yourself against the "downer" attitudes of other people: 1. As one wag was purported to have said. As my stress level goes up. .if we never had to deal with some people. Often.but when they're having a bad day. "Misery loves company" goes the old saying.when they're having a "down" day. When they're wallowing in misery. and it's true. I like people -. The problem begins when we "catch" a bad attitude from someone else. Occasionally. sometimes. and they find that sharing their feelings will help them come around. The problem is that bad attitudes are so easy to pick up.no matter what you may have heard. it's because they are totally unaware of their mood. Miserable people love to talk about their misery. they're actually sinking in quicksand. Sometimes this means actually finding somewhere else to work for a while -.it's the people I can't stand. and bombing ranges.83 Staying "Up" when others are "Down" It would be nice -. so they're not so alone. and count our toes.days when we really just want to crawl under a desk somewhere. you don't want to be dragged in there with them. Most of us have the occasional downer of a day -. Other people have them as well. the best thing to do is to keep yourself insulated from that "down" attitude. rattlesnakes. it's because they actually want to feel better. I'm not suggesting that you move to Central Nevada and make a hermit home among the coyotes. I notice that my quantity of difficult days goes up as well. We're all going to have them from time to time.
You may not be able to determine if you're going to catch the flu or not -. It's easier for you to be diverted into a bad attitude when you forget where you're going. you don't want to climb in there with them. the "downer" is more likely to want to share his misery. filling up your empty mental space with positive effort can make a difference in your attitude. Bad attitudes come and go -.but don't get into it yourself. the added numbers of people help diffuse the trouble. That brings us to our next method: 2. 5. Try a diversion.and if a "downer" meets a group of positive people. Too often when you attempt to help someone else's mood. Sometimes that involves projects. you wind up getting affected by their mood. or tasks that can be assigned. then make certain you keep some emotional space.like Monday Motivation. and you life intact. A good way to help change the mood of others is to give them something positive to think about. 4. and pull them out -. assignments. the tough go to lunch. It's when you don't know where you're going that you tend to lose your way. it's a lot harder for people to entice you off your path. Throw them a line. Remember your goals. Believe it or not. 3. You're more likely to be affected by the "downers" if you're alone. a group helps the "down" person as well. A diversion can be a useful method to distract the "downer" from his/her problems. People tend to let others influence their moods -. With a little bit of preventive medicine. Build up their mood.but you can sure keep yourself from catching the bad moods of other people. When the going gets tough.but that doesn't mean you have go along for the ride. secondly.83 If you decide to listen to their tale of woes. After reading the previous method. . of course -some non-work-related diversion can make a huge difference in mood. the bad mood is often gone as well. Surround yourself with others. Plus. If you've got your destination in mind. By the time the project's put to bed. their mood is likely to lift. First off.but it's the most noble thing to try. Since the human brain doesn't work well when it tries to think of multiple items. If you're going to help someone drowning in quicksand. it may seem like I'm fighting myself with this one. It doesn't have to be lunch. you can keep your mood on track. It's harder for a "downer" to bring a group down. One way to throw them a line is to relate something you've learned -. instead. this is most dangerous of all these methods -.
that started me down the road to where "I can't" became my watchword -. I'm certain most of you already know this." not "stubborn" or "mulish. but simply by choosing different words and phrases. It then uses those labels as filters to view our self-image. "You're quality-conscious. we can remake our life and our moods. In the same way." whenever any new challenge came along.but pretty soon. It left me a bit behind the others -. Pretty soon. Studies tell us that the "subconscious" part of our brain listens to the labels that are applied to us." not "picky. not full of possibilities. we bring all sorts of problems into our lives. and she was down on herself." instead of a "problem." (Definitely not mulish)! I was talking with an associate one day. there is one that rules above all others -. we can choose to look on a situation as a "challenge" or a "project." and your spouse is "particular. or had worked on building up their catching and throwing skills. As a child. I was saying "I can't do that." I replied. however. Like my associate.the simple phrase "I can't." she said." We usually get into using "I can't" as a defense mechanism. I was never very good at playing softball. Heaven knows. unforeseen ways. customers are "quality-conscious. and they take on a whole new. Many of the words and phrases that we use have unforeseen effects in our lives. This knowledge helps us to understand how simple negative words and phrases can impact our lives in massive. I decided "I can't" play softball. meaning." Many of us do similar things. more positive. and our problems suddenly become more manageable.and as a defense mechanism.until I straightened myself out. We choose to look at our lives as problem-strewn.but other boys in my school had expended the time to develop a good swing. when I was a child. When we fall into the "negative" phrasing trap. . For example. I'm sure it was just because I had never taken the time and energy to become good at it -. "I'm too much of a perfectionist. I learned that I "couldn't do" other sports. As an example. either.83 You can defeat "I Can't" The words we habitually use in our daily life have more of an effect than you might think. "You're looking at this virtue from the wrong side of the tracks." Choose one of the two positive words. actually squeeze all the life out of the opportunities that arise. and by so labeling them. I'm still not much good at it -. Of all the negative phrases that we might choose to use in our lives. we look at the events in our lives from the wrong side.
When you learned how to walk.but as time went on. ordinarily people set about attempting to accomplish the "impossible. we refer to a hole in a roadway as a "pothole" or a "chuckhole. . In the United States. it causes minimal damage. and fell again. Before long. or concentrate on our strengths. and choose to either fix those weak areas. and got up. but the more we come in contact with the "I can't" pothole. and we have done major damage. he just isn't physically capable of it. We choose to become a victim. and more drivers would hit it. is like this hole. breaking it a little bit bigger each time. is not in the falling -. When we make "I can't" our watchword. Others said the "Iron Curtain will never fall. a simple daub of asphalt could have repaired it -. we limit our future.and from the expression on their faces. and as a result. Careless use of "I can't. The rains came." They were wrong. and got up. Soon." The key in learning how to walk. With that in mind. and cars avoided it.it's in getting up after you've fallen. At first. The rain would hide the hole from the drivers. A simple encounter with such a hole would easily send an automobile to the shop for repairs. the bigger it becomes. this reader explained that a small pothole appeared in the roadway in front of their home." I believe other countries use other terminology for it." and. men said we would "never get to the moon. you couldn't do it right off the bat. At the time the hole first appeared. and more and more water came in contact with the hole. there are going to be some things that you don't do very well." They were wrong. the hole was massive. the hole we have caused in our self-esteem is larger. and trying again. "I can't" becomes a cancer that takes over our being. It's part of adulthood to recognize areas where we might be weak. There are going to be other things that you're physically incapable of doing -. and got up. however. we choose to stay down when we fall. and fell again. Time and time again. You fell. The truth is that we never know what is possible until we've gone beyond it.but they aren't limits that will negatively impact our lives. making the pothole bigger and bigger. A reader sent in a story last week that is particularly useful here. We choose to self-limit our life. make the "impossible" possible. I've watched babies learning how to walk -.and other people will set out to prove that our assessment is wrong. Our assessment that something "can't be done" is rarely accurate -. Those natural limits are always going to be there -. many of them are convinced that it's "simply impossible.83 The big problem with "I can't" is that we really don't know what we're capable of. Sure. for example. too." and other defeatist language. Fifty years ago. more and more cars went over the pothole.no man is going to give birth to a baby. but the terminology takes some explaining for our international readers. through their efforts.
They're just plain "won'ts. If you say "I can't" enough. your mother didn't say: "Oh. the words we use do make a difference." Contrast this triumph with the sounds you hear every day: "Oh -. then pretty soon you're right. and say "poor baby.83 What I'm referring to is an attitude -. "I can't do that. and I'll carry you around for the rest of my life. She actively encouraged you to learn. you are right" Yes." and all of a sudden." you make a self-fulfilling prophecy. "Change your thoughts.we live in a society where victims seem to get all the press.she picked you up." When you choose to say. or another who "can't" get to work on time. Perhaps you know someone who "can't" call a customer. The truth is that all of these "can'ts" aren't "can'ts" at all. Choose "I can't. the future we see." No. patted you on the behind. poor baby -. and you change your world. When we start to whine a lot." we pour ourselves into the "victim" mold. but I'm repeating it here -. She told you that you could do it.I just can't do it. I bet you know people in your office that "can't" do anything.I can't do that." "It's not the way we do it around here." Face it -.. Maybe you have a family member who "can't" stop drinking. you'll find you can't do anything. and you tried to walk again. We expect the people around us to take a look." "I don't know how to do that. Never again did you think "I can't walk -." "It's not in my job description." the more you cut yourself out of life. I know people who "can't" stop eating chocolate (I'm one of them). Perhaps you have a friend who "can't" help others.you fell down. They dictate the thoughts we choose." said the esteemed author and minister. Soon. Just stop trying." "I was never good at that." and you'll be a helpless victim for the rest of your life. Choose "I can. saying. and the opportunities we accept. You can't do it. you'll find your thoughts are positive. She helped you turn a defeat into a triumph. You must just not be made to walk.. or an acquaintance who "can't" manage his money. or a boss who "can't" stop belittling her employees. Henry Ford said it best: "Whether you think you can or Whether you think you can't. The more you say "I can't do that. "I can't. Norman Vincent Peale.when you were learning to walk.the "I can't" attitude. ." I've said it before. your life unfettered.
Most of us didn't set out to be mediocre -. we can always set ourselves on the path to greatness. Whether you're a leader. Lincoln's friend mentioned what a good sermon the minister had given. Insight celebrated its 20th anniversary. mixups. Continued progression in this world demand a striving toward becoming someone better than we currently are -. Lincoln said. particularly people in positions of leadership.he followed it most of the days of his life." Sounds stupid. we read a quotation from Abraham Lincoln. there'll be hell to pay. family needs. Lincoln knew all about that path -. or a wanderer. trials. "It's very simple.but time.83 Seven steps toward greatness For some years now. . must demand greatness from himself and his followers. Nightingale mailed a copy of its original issue. Two hundred and forty issues have been mailed to subscribers.if you push us over the top into excellence. "But why?" said the friend. His remark to his friend showed that he felt each person. "He didn't ask us to do anything great. After all. The speaker told of an instance where Lincoln and a friend were leaving church on Sunday. and it is. I listened to an interesting story." a leader would say. Last week. and other requirements seem to sap our strength. "I just can't agree. With this month's issue. This story is also about Lincoln -." The story could very well be apocryphal. I've been a subscriber to Nightingale-Conant's excellent "Insight" series. with an occasional additional feature thrown in. if you recall. This month. In the audio features on that issue." said Lincoln.and I think it has some bearing on our lives. a follower." Mr. money demands. I've got a hundred or so of those. stress. who would demand mediocrity? I can hear it now: "All right. but the observation is clear and remarkable. Insight is a collection of clips from Nightingale's various audio programs.and yet altogether too many of us settle for far less than the greatness we can one day achieve. "We've gotten just about as lukewarm as we want -whatever you do. don't strive even a little bit more -.
Each of us is enthusiastic about something -. In this technique.and in our lives. A technique shared by many motivational experts is the "fake it until you make it" technique. and doing great things takes just a bit of a push beyond mere excellence.but with enough time and fuel. Enthusiasm is something that can be compared to a fire. just act as if you're enthused. As a fire starts to burn. or it's almost certain that we won't reach our goal.and sometimes it's something that has to be developed. a person acts as if he/she already has a particular skill. If you're having a bit of a problem getting started on the enthusiasm bandwagon. The book tells of the re-creation of parts of Caterpillar. We need to become enthusiastic about our path to greatness. You'll soon get caught up in it. or positive attitude. In some cases.S.it can make an organization's enthusiasm flare up." The title doesn't really do the book justice. Our quest for greatness can inspire and inflame an organization -. sharing our passion for greatness with other people. in keeping with our push along the path for greatness. It's that extra bit of greatness that makes all the difference in the world -. and in ourselves.based manufacturer of heavy machinery. I read an interesting book called "And Dignity for All. kindling other flames as it grows. a small spark can kindle a great blaze. a fire begins to burn hotter and hotter. Have enthusiasm -. caused a vast wildfire. a U.and leading great companies. A couple of weeks ago.be a fire setter. The real thing follows easily. 1. When we commit ourselves to becoming great people -. and turned a company toward a better path to greatness.and in doing so. More than just that. just as the wildfires did. So. Enthusiasm is so essential -.even if it's Friday afternoon. a single match. we commit ourselves to becoming the best we are capable of -. Just as in this excellent book. like the forest fires that have been plaguing us here in the Western United States over the last few years. it's the chronicle of how just a few people reformed long-held ideas. carelessly thrown out of a car window. ability. here are 7 simple steps to take each of us further down that path. even though it adequately conveys the general message of the book. Although I'm not trying to minimize the great damage they caused. . it may be only a few flames -.83 Doing things excellently rarely takes longer than doing a slipshod job. we all can create enthusiasm in our organizations.
Move steadily. This one item is the step that most people have the most problem with -. all it takes is a bit of a push when movement seems to slow down -.but it needs mentioning by itself. Include training to give them (and you) the skills necessary to attain the best.and don't let yourself settle for less. most of these retreats provide a "six-month blip. a commercial had this tag line: "My tastes are simple. and you'll get them. decide that only greatness will be good enough." Lead them. Sure.and punishes them if they don't get there. Expect great things. you're likely to get it. the opposite is also true -. your organization may take some time to get there -. A dictator tells people where to go -. Once you've become inflamed with enthusiasm. a great disservice.keeping going. you've got to keep yourself aware of those slowdowns. when you expect the best. most people just stop moving. . Whether it be from yourself. you're more likely to gain it. Years ago.but at best. It's usually easy for an organization to take their group to a "management retreat. Sounds like a bit of a replay of number two -. Don't settle for less than greatness. There's an old description of the difference between a leader and a dictator. Great things come from great people. 5." After the initial excitement wears off.and do the same for yourself. I only settle for the very best.when you expect greatness. It's an old adage. When you allow yourself to settle for "second best." you are doing yourself. is to encourage continual movement and growth. but it's true -. whether it be in yourself or in your organization. Don't only use mere words to encourage your organization and yourself to strive for greatness. 4. your family. Conversely. who are striving to accomplish great undertakings. Encourage greatness in others. 3.but as a leader.if you expect junk. or your followers. Adjust your thinking to bring them onboard your "greatness bandwagon. and your organization. your co-workers.83 2. A leader shows people where to go -. Your key." where the latest in "team-building games" and "motivational moments" are shared -. Expect the best from yourself -. Usually." Take this commercial line into your own approach to life.and leads them there herself. teach them.but commit to do whatever it takes in order to get the great results you seek.or you may take time yourself -. guide them -. you're likely to get it.
6. Evaluate progress. An old friend of mine used to say "If something isn't measured, it doesn't happen." It sounds like the old "tree falls in the forest" argument, but it's more true than we may think. If there's no measurement of how an organization or an individual is moving and changing, it's likely there will be very little movement or change. Don't be onerous about it -- but evaluate how well your organization or yourself is adapting to your path toward greatness. 7. Adjust, adapt, and repeat. It's a never-ending quest -- when we become great, we need to become greater. Our newer heights show us greater ones to achieve. Adjust your approach to account for obstacles that may need to be surmounted. Adapt to those challenges, and also adapt to the things your quest has taught you. Repeat your quest for greatness -- and keep on striving to become greater, each and every day. Have confidence in your ability to reach greatness and move your organization toward greater heights.
Erasing our doubts
"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." -- William Shakespeare Most of us have doubts now and again -- we doubt our religion, we doubt our learning, we doubt our government, we doubt our experience. Rare is the person who has no doubts. Sometimes doubts are healthy -- but when we're talking about self-doubts, doubt is like a cancer, eating us from the inside. Few people learn to put self-doubt behind them, but those who do soon realize their doubts were pure lies. We gain self-doubt in ordinary ways. Some of our strongest self-doubt may be rooted in a childhood memory. A dropped ball at a crucial time in a grade school softball game; a childhood "crush" gone awry; a playground bully; a laughter-inducing bad haircut; forgetting ones lines during the sixth grade play -- all of these things can make us start to doubt ourselves -- even twenty, thirty, or forty years later. Weeks, months, or years go by -- we think about our past defeats, mulling them over in our minds. Even though our ball game has improved, our public speaking style has been perfected, and our haircut has become much, much better, our doubts remain, limiting our future and affecting our life. A bad marriage may create lingering doubts that affect a good marriage; a layoff at a job may make us less likely to trust our new employer; a thoughtless word 20 years ago, said by a stranger, may cause us to doubt our abilities. In Dante's Inferno, the entrance to Hades was marked with a sign, which read: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." Many people, bound by self-doubts, take a similar path -they abandon all hope of change -- because their doubts have put them into a living hell. Doubts, though, are like shadows -- they lurk to confuse the reality of what life is about. Like shadows, the key to exposing doubts for what they really are is the same -- shed the true light of day on the doubt, and the basis for it, even if it was formed 20, 30 or 40 years ago. Few of our doubts can stand up to the pure light of reality. With a little bit of light, we find that our lives are remarkably different than they were 20 years ago. We find that our childhood experiences don't matter at all -- in fact, most of the time, they were inaccurate memories. Most of the time, if we look at the experiences that cause self-doubt, we find that with our new-found wisdom, our doubts are exposed for the frauds they truly are. We find our assumptions at the time that the doubts were formed were flawed; we find we lacked
83 information, or wisdom about the experience. Our gut-level reactions were often incorrect; our emotion-laden memories are often inaccurate. How can we erase these doubts? How can we eliminate them? By confronting them. Our doubts and our fears are anchors -- holding us to one place forever after. We must raise those anchors, freeing ourselves to sail to newer, greater destinations. Examine your life -- write down a list of your doubts and fears. See them for what they are -- lies that you continue to tell yourself. Resolve to ignore those doubts, now that they have been exposed. Choose to act in the face of your self-doubt and fear -- after the first two or three times, they will no longer be doubts.
Picking our future
It's a truth that many of us never quite learn: when you make a decision, you choose your future path. Odd, isn't it? It's such an obvious thing when you're driving -- when you choose a road, you choose a range of destinations. Yet, when we look at our lives, many of us learn this lesson only after years of heartache and trouble. Choose to save money, and you choose to gain money. Choose to start saving money when you're 24, and you'll have a lot more money when you're 64. Choose to start saving it when you're 62, and it's going to be difficult to save enough to have much of a nest egg when that gold watch rolls around. Choose to specialize in a particular discipline, and you choose not to look at countless others. With all this uncertainty, it's perhaps easy to see why some people decide not to choose at all. Of course, deciding "not to choose" is a choice in itself. These people choose nothing. A recent "quote of the day" from Nightingale-Conant had this excerpt from Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric: ""Control your destiny or somebody else will." Welch, as many of you no doubt know, controlled the destiny of many people while at GE. When he first started with the company, workers referred to him as "Neutron Jack." When he came into a business, the furniture remained, but the people had all gone. It's odd to think about, but most people who wander blindly through life's trials, never really set a course to follow -- they never really make decisions. Their job is often the first job they secured. Their spouse is the first one who would marry them. Their home is wherever the job -- or the in-laws -- demanded. Their ideas are whatever ideas came over talk radio this morning, and their hopes and desires were formed by undirected daydreams and delusions of grandeur. They never seek their dreams, because they don't know how to start -- they rarely move from their starting place, because they don't have a goal, a desire, a plan, or a need. These are the people who wander aimlessly through life -- not because they like to wander (I enjoy the occasional aimless wander, as long as it doesn't get out of hand) but because they have never decided not to wander. Too many of us have allowed ourselves to be pulled and pushed through life -- never choosing a path, never making our own start, never choosing to make a difference in our lives or the lives of the people we love. Well, for those of us who have been wandering, let me bring up one more truism:
We have it thrust upon us. . but the choice is not our own.for good or bad. When we "float along" the river of life. which of us is going to be around to care. we wind up wherever the current takes us -. our joy. anyway). We may crash on the rocks. Face it -. We limit our future.83 You can't limit the future -. When we avoid making positive choices in our life. or wind up flowing to somewhere wonderful. and our ability to help ourselves and others. Let's choose to be a part of the future we deserve.you can only limit your part in it. It's far better to add a rudder to our lives -.even a small goal will give us direction. we only hurt ourselves. even a small decision can make a significant change in our lives.the future is going to be there one way or the other (and if it's not. for whatever reason.
I know where you're coming from. had a much better chance of recovery. When confronted with problems.and eventually thrive -. we see these challenges as good. and bleak times in our lives." wrote Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. it's easy to give up. It seems to be coming out all of the time -. throw in the towel.after today's downturn. What matters is your commitment that you will persist until you succeed. or just throw up. God didn't give us a warranty that each day would be free from trial. no matter how long that takes. challenges. While it's true. The mere act of being positive increases the chance you will survive -. I know many of you who read this particular issue of our weekly feature will be going through a problem time. many families face sickness. So how do we deal with the downturns? In a positive way. the researches said it seems to prove that those patients who took a more active interest in their therapy. sometimes as bad -. It doesn't matter what you're going through -. . Economies collapse.people who maintain a positive attitude. do better -. obviously. we're going to have downturns.and it's been proven by study after study. It would have been nice if there was such a warranty -. Things happen. Giving up is never the best course. stock prices dwindle. Odd as this seems. None of these options is going to work for you. by the same doctors. There's no getting away from it.but they just don't happen. A recent news report brought out an unusual statistic. downturns are something few of us look forward to. give in. choosing their doctor and maintaining a positive approach to their treatment. heartache. Worse yet. and no matter how difficult it becomes. real estate crashes. Sometimes. no matter what problems may befall them. No person is ever guaranteed that every day will be sunshine and roses.I know it's difficult to take.but one way or the other.83 Dealing with downturns "Into each life. pain and suffering. I have had difficulties myself. even unexpected or early death. Cancer patients who traveled to a medical facility over 15 miles away from home recovered better than closer patients treated in the same facility. companies go under. some rain must fall. trouble. jobs come and go.
Sometimes.what matters is what you learn from it The great philosopher Epictetus said it this way: "The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. She took that sign as a discouraging situation. No matter how many miles she had come. no matter what. and turned around. Sometimes." Into every life. gave in. a one-time friend of mine was climbing a mountain. When the downturns come. They may be signs of impending change." Sometimes. looking at the remaining miles depressed her. I believe she may have made it to the top. I know it. What matters is that we decide we will get through the downturn. You can let a layoff devastate you.83 Some twenty-odd years ago. than if we choose to look at our situation negatively. It really doesn't matter. no matter that she was long past the halfway point. I have wondered through the years what would have happened if the sign had been missing. it'll be all you can do to keep a "stiff upper lip. When that time comes. . It doesn't matter what you go through -. or has your life turned upside down. She immediately gave up. it's all you can do to hold on.but the rains of today bring the flowers of tomorrow. or to beat it. remember this: You may not be able to choose your problems in life. a little rain must fall -. it'll be you that faces an uncertain future. Why? Because even if we go through the worst. Sometimes. The sign showed the remaining mileage to the top of the mountain. you'll be placed in the situation where you have to counsel someone else. She had come a substantial way. or you can look at it as a great chance to change careers. or at the distance you've already come. your loved ones will be hurt by what happens. we reach similar signs. You can decide to give in to a disease. You know it. She had been climbing for some time. you can choose a positive outlook. or a sign of a layoff. Things happen to people. it'll be a whole lot easier. and good things sometimes happen to bad people. Despite how far she had come. with a much greater chance of success. Sometimes. Bad things seem to happen to good people. You can look at the remaining few miles on your climb. They may be a sign of a disease. and was fairly close to the top when she came across a sign. Sometimes in our lives. at a moment's notice. and keep a positive outlook. but you can choose how you'll deal with them. but the sign discouraged her. she gave up. or you can throw in the towel. hope for the best.
I fly across town. My wife has amazing." -. they soon become inevitable.and I really start to dream. he has gained some feeling -feeling others have been telling him would never come back.83 Dreaming big dreams. They're really boring dreams.Leonardo da Vinci Can you think of a bigger dreamer than da Vinci? Did you know that da Vinci. even though people keep telling him it's a lost cause. While I'm asleep. They went out and happened to things. or tries to find the right room in a strange convention center. for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow. it's unlikely he ever saw any part of the future -. my nighttime dreams are mostly work-oriented. while my dreams are more of the pedestrian variety. simply by flapping my arms up and down. also was a visionary? His attempts to draw the future have led some people to suggest that Leonardo was a time traveler.Christopher Reeve Reeve. keeps fighting to regain his mobility. and then. Oh. I've always been amazed by people who have vivid dreams -.except in his mind's eye. My most vibrant dreams occur when I'm wide awake. but by and large. when we summon the will. Life needs daytime dreamers -. In the last year. that's when I can actively visualize the answer -. vibrant dreams. there is the occasional nuclear holocaust nightmare. thinking about a challenge.at least while I'm asleep.Robert Goddard . and making them real I've never been that good of a dreamer -. It's difficult to say what is impossible." -. for the most part. then they seem improbable. Star Trek aside.and that's when my dreams really come into their own." -. injured in a tragic accident. my mind wanders through work problems. and every once in a while. But wake me up -.mostly because the few dreams I remember upon waking are usually pretty muted. Let me quote from a few of the really "big dreamers. aside from being an amazing artist." "People of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them.in fact our world depends on them. "So may of our dreams at first seem impossible. takes drives in the country.
than to shoot for nothing. As long as your dreams stay dreams.and yet those people are never the ones who cause great things to happen -. no matter what it may be -. and hit it.are really useless. You see. Boldness has genius. and actively work to become great enough to find a place in our glorious vision. looking for something else to declare as "impossible. We should do the same -. we're really interested in reality. There will be those who mock your dreams -. they have made themselves better. they will be of no use to you. Many of the greatest men and women in our world have become great by following a dream -. but it's only when you actually start doing something that a dream turns into reality -. Goddard pioneered the development of rocketry -." "Build a dream and the dream will build you.and as a result. They will eat away at your self-image and reveal you as a sham.until the early Nazi rockets started to fly. to yourself and others. the muchquoted philosopher Goethe brings dreaming full circle." -.you build yourself. dreams -. a noted expert in living your life in a positive manner.and then recasting themselves to be worthy of that dream. we learn that persistence is the only key to getting your dreams into reality. or dream you can.Robert Schuller Schuller.at least the kind you have during the day -.and despite the emphasis on "dreaming" in this week's Monday Motivation. Many people have found themselves caught up in the reality of their dreams -.they are just the ones who follow blindly along after the future has come to pass. Dream all you want.83 Back in the 1930s. unless they are followed by action. begin it.a quest that was later adopted by the German side in World War II. Goddard was dismissed by many in his own nation as a crackpot -." If you're not worthy of your dreams -. . "What you can do. where it belongs. By building your dream -.then now's the time to start to become worthy. is right. But. "It's better to shoot for the stars and miss. or anyone else. power and magic in it." -.dream great dreams. As the old adage goes. as well as many dreamers.helping your dream to come to live.Goethe We usually don't think of philosophers as the "action-oriented" type. From Goddard.
I'm old enough to remember the pre-FedEx days. At the time. and I've been amazed ever since to see what he -.com. and airline company employees. and other people. I wound up having to drive to the airport. I locked the keys inside the company van at the airport -.and yet it still is growing to fit Jeff's dream. bought.if you want to be considered "visionary" instead of "dream-locked. One night.com. . I was flabbergasted. That's the way the best dreams are -. it started to become reality. Bezos and his team have created a company out of just a dream -. a basic plan. Other great companies are much the same. I'll never forget the day I first had a part shipped by FedEx. He had financial know-how. had a bit of ability when he first came up with the vision for his company.as you currently are. If your dream is great enough. chances are you don't have all the skills necessary to achieve it -. after making bizarre arrangements with airlines.their vision. I have long been amazed by Smith's drive to turn his dream into reality -.and I have benefited from it time and time again. freight forwarders. It was so easy! As a FedEx customer.which they kept hanging in the trees in the parking lot. Although da Vinci never built the helicopter that he envisioned. Jeff Bezos. that's where the real work starts -.and his team -.his vision for a better way to buy on the web. It is dramatically different than the way it started -. and as he hired them.they take a bit of growth to achieve. first proposed overnight delivery. or rented -through learning." what matters is the good old fashioned basics -. for just such an emergency.and yet as soon as he started to work on the dream. Like da Vinci. and a lot of guts. both Bezos and Smith managed to build companies that reflected their dream -. founder of Amazon.making a plan and executing it well. He hired people to take the company farther.have done with the company. Relax! Ability can be learned. people laughed at him.83 Making your dreams into reality When all the dreaming is done. he imbued them with a sense of his dream -.and had to talk a security guard into fishing the doors open with a coat hanger -. By following his ever-adapting plan.and every time it needed a part. But he didn't have everything he needed. experience. these two visionaries saw something that did not exist. I was one of the early customers of Amazon. When Fred Smith. I had a balky piece of hightech (for the time) equipment -. the founder of FedEx.
and then determine a plan of action to make your dreams reality. . "Plan no small plans" should be its corollary.83 "Dream no small dreams" is the advice of the philosopher. put those plans into effect. Anybody can dream -.what really sets aside the winners from the losers is action.and me -.and make your dreams into reality Let me give you -. Put a call to action in your life -. Then.while you're awake -.a challenge for this week: Dream great dreams -.
the release named a group of worldwide employees who were honored for service. Another watched a vehicle go out of control. These incredible stories are impressive -.the customer.C. More than ever nowadays. A third saved an infant from an abandoned car that was full of exhaust fumes. founder of Wal-Mart I was reading the business news the other day. As many of you who read these weekly pieces know. transported the victims to a hospital 25 miles away -. While I'm certain you have had both good and bad experiences with almost any company. and took it to the airport. it's likely that you've seen that the companies with excellent customer service are the companies that continue to win in today's day and age. never-ending. FedEx is one of the companies that I admire most.and they then were followed by stories of FedEx couriers who rowed across streams to deliver packages when the bridge was closed. Car dealers find their customers now buy . and my favorite -. treat your customers like human beings. the consumer can easily take his or her business elsewhere -. pulled a two-year-old girl and her mother from the wreckage. due to the remote location of the accident. It listed a total of 165 employees who received one of two awards -. L.one called the "Humanitarian Award.Leon Gorman. compassionate kind of activity" -. Bean "It is the service we are not obliged to give that people value most. day-out. persevering. L. simply by spending his money elsewhere. Penney "The question is. And he can fire everyone in the company from the CEO on down." Leon Leonwood (L.a FedEx courier who took a phone call after normal pickups had ended late on a Saturday afternoon. and then." Sam Walton. ongoing. unremitting. including FedEx. and they will always come back for more. do we try to make things easy on ourselves or do we try to make things easy on our customers.83 King customer "Serving customers is a day-in.) Anyway.L. Anyway." One recipient of the Humanitarian Award pulled two men out of a burning helicopter. whoever they may be?" Niccolo Machiavelli "Sell good merchandise at a reasonable profit. (I don't really play favorites -. then. Learning that a critical shipment of bone marrow from a local hospital had to make the plane. the courier picked up the bone marrow. accompanied by a police escort." and the other the "Purple Promise Award.I also admire UPS. I have long been able to see their customer service up close -.presumably in a FedEx truck.and I've always been impressed.) Bean "There is only one boss -. getting back to the new release. as a FedEx customer. I'm using FedEx here as an excellent example of customer service at its finest. Chairman.and often does so at the spur of the moment." J. when I ran across a news release from FedEx.
planning. or more likely. taken advantage of. if the servicing company is chosen on the basis of skill. then I'm all for them -. Call the main number of many companies lately. hangs up on you." to these clueless employees. customers are something to be ignored. though -. Book dealers now compete with industry giants such as Amazon. Now." as in: "Guest states there is a noise in the rear wheel." Hotels have "guests." I think they do it . the company that uses them is gradually cutting its own throat. many companies are choosing to make it more difficult for the customer to do business.but when they degrade the quality of the customer's experience.in these times where the customer is king. just as we are all in selling. or the ubiquitous "management. there is no business. simply by taking his or her business elsewhere -.sometimes to other companies located on the other side of the world. Without customers. Even the mom-and-pop wireless dealer down the street may be in competition with the "big boys" through outlets such as eBay. Doctors have "patients. you're likely to get what you came for.and as long as your problem is one of the options. and quality of service. or transfers callers to the wrong extension. You may refer to your customers by other names.com. If there is no customer. A voice mail menu is far superior to a receptionist that ignores your call. many companies are outsourcing their customer service -. though.and many have. As Sam Walton said in the quotation that started this week's edition of Monday Motivation. As long as the new solutions give superior customer service. the customer can fire anyone. Too many employees feel that serving the customer is "somebody else's problem. Never before in the history of our business has the consumer had such a vast variety of choices -. selling.and that means that never before has customer service been so important a commitment. all of the other positions become superfluous." Much like "human resources. not just across town. The reason why many companies can get by with voice mail trees and contracted customer service is that their "normal" standard of customer service never was that good to begin with. and you're going to get what's called a "voice mail tree.83 vehicles from across the state. from one point of view or the other." The voice mail menus give callers options -." while lawyers have "clients. we are all engaged in customer service." (Even my local car dealer has started referring to me as a "guest. dedication. Sold as a cost-saving measure." Their concern is bookkeeping.taking their revenue with them. many of the voice mail menus actually drive customers away -. It's odd. When it comes right down to it. An outsourced customer service function can be better. janitorial work.
I've been a customer of Sears for a long time. customers can fire anyone. tires. fast food.the Bank of Wal-Mart. They have won over consumers through a mix of lower prices and better service. hair salons. or choose not to buy at all. oil changes. and store employees who will actually answer your questions (for the most part). buy what he or she wants to buy.") Universities have "students." said the voice on the other end. Sears: work on the customer service." and municipalities have "citizens. early reports in the Wall Street Journal suggest Wal-Mart may be considering adding instore financial services -. though -. choose to get a different physician. With the customer in your corner. Is the customer king. I paid the charge. One month. optometrists. or queen? Yes." banks have "depositors.but they also offer all of the elements of Wal-Mart.so it amused me the other day when I noticed that Sears had started testing a "superstore" concept similar to Wal-Mart. from wherever they wish to purchase it. or choose to read motivational articles on a different website. They can choose to buy from a different company. nothing happens. Some months ago. I accidentally underpaid the bill by one cent -. I've been back to Sears a couple of times since then. then add the milk. The traditional groceries say it's done with non-union labor (which is true." No matter what you call them. Wal-Mart has been overtaking some of the more traditional grocery stores. and canceled the card. everything can happen.they're customers. gas stations. It's this clear: without the customer. plus banks on the premises. now. but it's also been done by WalMart keeping its eye on the customer. choose to fire their lawyer. they are. In much of the United States. I've got some advice for you. They can choose to buy a lot. choose to move their deposits somewhere else. and carried one of their credit cards. The customer can go where he or she wants to go. Convinced that customers are going to want to buy milk with their drills. who then promptly hung up on me. for the most part) and lower wages (also mostly true). As the soon-to-be-ex governor of the state of California found. but my heart isn't in it -. In their new supercenters.83 so they can avoid the premise that the "customer is always right. to test the concept. Wal-Mart offers many of the same things as the traditional grocery stores -. Is this series beneficial to you? Are there other topics you would like addressed? Is there a particular topic you'd like to see in further depth? Drop us a line! . they have constructed a couple of new Sears "Grande" stores. I had a question on a credit card statement from Sears.and got hit with a $20 penalty for my trouble. I called the credit card group to inquire about them reversing the charge. "Our computers are down. How are we doing? You're our customer.
and in the lives of other people. MD. at least for me: Life is worth living because of the difference you can make today -. and it's the same this year. it has brought to my mind one overwhelming question: "What is it that makes life worth living?" Let me try to give an answer to that question. As you may have read a few weeks ago. Shopping. With all of these things happening so close to one another. or what letters may come after our name. "To bless the lives of others. we haven't done a great deal of good. Thanksgiving is a harvest holiday. material possessions make their lives worth living -. The great thinker reportedly (I say reportedly because I haven't found the source for it) said. I'm not trying to downplay the importance of good financial planning.it's been many years since I heard the quote -. if not more so.and everyday. Another family member had a stroke. For those of you reading this from other countries. and giving thanks. . two events are coming to pass -first. where I am based." I'm likely misquoting him here -.83 Make your life worth living — today As I write this piece for this week's Monday Motivation. I'm just suggesting that when you get right down to it. To many of them. support to be offered.sometimes for hours. or working to achieve a financial goal.today -.but the power of what he apparently said made a difference in my life. Watching sports (particularly American Football) on TV. whether it's PhD.from fast cars and big boats to diamond rings and fat bank accounts. one of my loved ones has been diagnosed with cancer. even though the mirror (and the calendar) say otherwise. the positive difference you can make in the lives of others is what really makes life worth living. or OBE. I know people who will argue with me over this -. There have been challenges to deal with. no matter how much money we may have acquired. the clock is ticking down the last hours toward my birthday -. There's a quote attributed to Alfred Einstein where someone asked him what was the purpose of the existence of the human race. DVM. Mind you. If we don't actively work to make the world a better place. and life to be cherished. This Monday Motivation is also dated for the week of Thanksgiving here in the United States. Most years.both in your own life.that time each year where I pretend I'm not actually getting older. let me leave you (and me) with a challenge: Make a significant difference in the life of somebody -. So. as we start to wind down November. these two events always put me in a reflective mood. mostly centering on four things: Eating too much. DO.
today. for the better -.that we usually don't get around to doing it until much. Perhaps that comes from years of pushing myself to start something today -. a family member. and it has to be today. But you have to make a difference.making a difference in a positive way. So -.today.83 That somebody may be your spouse. much later. It's easy to get so focused on the goals. Only you can make the movement that will bring it to pass -. it's my conviction that if we don't start something today -. through your actions. or a change in ourselves -.in our own lives. a coworker. a savings regimen. and for all the tomorrows to come. We should all be agents for positive change -. Act today. a stranger. or the life of someone else. that we lose sight of what's really important -. a life plan.today. your dreams. if at all. quotas. and rules. How do you make your life worth living? You live it wisely and well -. .whether it's a diet. "significant other" (whatever that means).today. benchmarks. or yourself. Only you can change your life. a customer.today. and by acting on them -.take my challenge.even if it's only a little step on a long path -.knowing that tomorrow. your boss. Make a difference -.and you actively work to make the world a better place. your words. I find that when I start something this very day -. Only you can identify what that difference will be -. and make a difference in someone's life that will be felt tomorrow. Why today? Well. demands. something is likely to come up.that I have a greater chance of succeeding. and in the lives of others.
Here then are some basic steps to learning how to master public speaking: . He raises his voice to a shout. a sales manager of a fortune 500 concern. It's not an all-inclusive list. and move an audience. using only their words and body language. Critically watch one of them the next time you listen to a talk.and learn the right methods to captivate. I've moved away from watching Tom Peters over the last few years. It's said that most people fear speaking before an audience more than they fear death. When you learn to effectively speak in public. how she moves her arms. they don't have to bother you. Just think about the people you admire professionally -. introductions -. a bank president. each has to develop the ability to speak in public -.here's a primer to mastering public speaking. Examine his or her mannerisms: how he holds his head. Before long. a government official. you open up a whole new range of possibilities. I've always done well before an audience. Let me start with the first question: Why should you learn to speak better in public? The answer is an easy one: people who carry themselves well in a public situation are seen more as leader material -. but they have a certain charisma that comes through everything they do. or the owner of a mom-and-pop (but growing nicely) company.plus. Tom's a good one. I've spoken in front of audiences. He moves all over the stage when he talks. of course. speeches. Plays. from legislator to queen. but if you want to watch someone to learn public presentation from. Peters has his audience listening to every word. they come over well in public situations. debate. and then lowers it to a croaky whisper.and with just a little bit of work. Watch how they approach the podium (if they use a podium). But you'd think that people who work with the public day in and day out would soon learn the few tricks that make a good -. interest. either.or even great -. how they smile as they talk. They may do better in smaller groups or larger ones.83 Mastering public speaking The number of top company executives who never learn to speak before an audience often amazes me. it's sure to help you learn to speak better and more confidently. and how they use words and phrases to win their audience over to their point of view. So -. they learn to rapidly motivate others. From mayor to president. just because of his style of delivery.are they generally good public speakers? Chances are.public speaker. but whether you're the CEO of a public company. From the time I was eight or nine.none of them ever faze me -.
200 if you speak a little faster). Whatever it is.The one thing that matters most to your audience will be the thing they will be most interested in learning about -.research what items they are most interested in. As you get more used to public speaking.know your audience. your audience will always examine it from their own point of view -. as a whole. and then write a talk that's close to that number.and their point of view includes the phrase "What's this mean to me?" To start out with. in words per minute. As an example.) You can either write to fit. This is the first key to crafting an effective talk -. speakers ignore this rule. That purpose may just be entertainment or it may be attempting to start a radical change in your organization. . you're going to be able to learn what items are most important to them. Learn what makes your audience tick -. if you're talking to a group of hog farmers. times it by the appropriate number (180 if you speak somewhat deliberately. Too often. Here's a good number to commit to memory: 180-200. you should begin by determining your conclusion -where you want to wind up. Craft your speech or talk to arrive at that conclusion within your allotted time.and don't go over. Most word processing programs have a word count feature (in Microsoft Word. No matter how well crafted your talk may be.unless you can find something in the subject that will appeal to them. and ask yourself this question: "Why should this topic matter to them?" The answer to this question should be the feature of your talk. . What's the number mean? It's a good working average of how fast people talk. it's on the "Tools" menu. learn about your audience. Take the number of minutes you have available. or you can edit it down to the correct time -. then. but in most cases. Gibson's rule of public speaking number 3: Know how much time you have for your talk or speech -. and they pay for their negligence.and your success will rise or fall depending on how well you are able to address their needs.83 Gibson's rule of public speaking number 1: Know your audience. You should have a purpose to your talk. and something you want to accomplish. you're not going to hold that audience with a talk about forestry management -. you'll get a better handle on how many words you speak a minute on average. You're better off planning about a minute or so under the amount allotted.but get used to writing to a particular length. Gibson's rule of public speaking number 2: Know what you want to accomplish from your talk. You're not going to be able to look inside the mind of each audience member.
I was falling asleep just listening to him. Some professionals who make their living doing this sort of thing refer to this as "cadence. Mark where you should provide emphasis -. first kiss. first day at school. though. For most talks you'll give. then follow up with "buffering phrases" to lessen the shock). radically good news (also just blurt it out. or because the subject matter requires more "respect. lost loves. first pet. and at a constant speed. bad news (just blurt it out. first day at the company. but always be certain to attribute the source correctly. just like they use in sheet music." I hadn't listened to him for more than a minute before I pulled the tape out. they're right. one of the things you likely loved best was "story time. if you look back at your earliest childhood experiences.particularly personal anecdotes -. A few months ago. then add congratulatory phrases and stories later).and then vary your voice to provide that emphasis." We all know speakers who speak in a constant monotone. Get used to looking at your life's experiences and asking yourself: "What can I learn from this?" It's amazing how rapidly your supply of anecdotes will fill up. Mark the areas where you can speed up a bit -. the more likely the audience will buy into it. lost dogs.serve to draw your audience into your talk. He might have been the best coach around.and the areas where you should slow down. I could tell from his delivery style that he didn't know a lot about speaking -. or you might have listened to your first grade teacher read to you on Friday afternoons (like I did). because of the way he said it. mom and dad. mind you." . but I wasn't going to pay any attention to what he said. Anecdotes -. There are some talks where anecdotes do not serve you well: calls to action (like Churchill addressing the British people). You got used to those stories -. and for some talks. childhood homes. constant voice level. Do you listen to them? Me neither. Gibson's rule of public speaking number 5: Vary your speaking rhythm and volume. lost opportunities). birthday. Until you get used to doing this. For the majority of the speeches you will give. use anecdotes from other people and publications.and although you're grown up now. I was listening to an audio program from a person proclaimed as a noted "vocal coach." Dad or Mom may have read you a bedtime story. anecdotes serve to draw the audience into your talk. this isn't a race -. because they give the audience something to relate to.83 Gibson's rule of public speaking number 4: Use anecdotes to make your points. your brain still likes to hear them. New Year's. it helps to mark your "script" with timing and volume marks. though. If you don't have sufficient experiences in the area. The more universal the anecdote (Christmas. using anecdotes will liven up your talk and add heart to it. There are people who contend that the use of anecdotes in your talks is unneeded.just a bit. Why is this? Well. either to make a point. and a few others don't lend themselves to anecdotes.
not entertain it. Gibson's rule of public speaking number 8: Get used to looking at your audience.you can't get a good read on how well they are following your talk. you'll find you actually "draw" energy and power from looking at your audience. with markers to remind you of each point and anecdote. Step four: Give the talk. only. co-workers or spouse. If you're one of those.83 Practice the talk a few times -. put the conclusion into the best possible phrasing. when we "give a talk." Solicit help from your family. it'll take a few times before they get the guts to try this step)." You can stop at any step in this method. A lot of occasional speakers will tell you to look "over" the audience at the back wall -. Include your written conclusion at the bottom of the outline. put it on the podium. When you get excited about something. Concentrate on making your speech sound "normal. Mark your conclusion. For the others. Gibson's rule of public speaking number 7: Use jokes sparingly. Stand up when you practice it. from the outline. Flesh out the outline. Mark the page number each item appears on in your written talk. Gibson's rule of public speaking number 6: Write your talk out in advance. and check for time and emphasis. Step one: outline your talk. Practice giving your talk from the outline." we forget how to talk.and then pay attention to how the varying cadence makes a difference. write down the anecdotes. leave the jokes out. Practice it until you feel comfortable giving it. your voice speeds up. you already do it in everyday speech. Edit it to the proper length. Have them listen to your delivery and make suggestions. Some of us can get away with using a lot of humor in our talks.and you'll find the very nature of your public speaking will change. There's a great secret to this: you know how to do this already. you're right in there with them -. Step two: Using the outline. determine how you're going to get there. and then address their talk to those five or six. Soon. friends. and include stories and anecdotes. the better you become. Look at your audience if possible (for some people. but only refer to it if you get rattled).or look at them and imagine seeing them all sitting there in their underwear. and the volume and timbre of your voice changes. define the anecdotes you'll use. though. You're usually trying to motivate an audience.recording it is helpful -. go with it. Mark it for speed and volume. Before long. put your talk into written form. prepare a revised outline. Many speakers pick five or six different people in various parts of the room. Step three: Using your written talk. The problem with both these suggestions is that it isolates you from your audience -. (If you're nervous. I suggest a method called the "four step method.but the longer you continue. and give your talk -. Keep the written talk in your briefcase or your coat pocket. For some reason. .
in the Roosevelt quote above. hoping to catch a ride to somewhere it could start a new plantation of cockleburs. after a hard day playing. the better you become. and sit down. Personally. I was growing so rapidly that my mother would buy them several sizes too large.) Add in some dramatic pause. (For example. Plus. Some public speaking books will give you this advice: "organize your talk like this: tell them what you're going to say. then tell them what you told them. you've got to sum it up -. though. There are a lot of names for this phrase. but it's really not that difficult in the end." It's probably a useful bit of advice.their seeds stuck to whatever person or animal that wandered by. then tell them. Gibson's rule of public speaking number 10: Sum it up. Anyway. tear down this wall" Roosevelt: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" You can craft such phrases. Just take your basic belief and conclusion.rather than building to a conclusion. then make your point. I soon learned that this is the way the plants reproduced -. and then "drive" it home. I wore these blue jeans with turned up cuffs. but it's a good place to start. he would have paused after the first fear. Kennedy's. they wind up telling the audience the same thing three times.so even if he or she won't remember all of what you said. Gorbachev. ." and I'll tell you why: When I was a kid. I call it a "sticker phrase. the more you do it. Briefly (less than a minute) review the concepts. and sit down. even if you don't employ a speechwriter. so his audience would be listening for the end. I'd wander almost anywhere around the neighborhood. hit them with your "sticker phrase. learning to do it. Reagan's. but most people take it too literally -. or Roosevelt's talks -they only remember the phrases that were crafted to stick in their minds: Churchill: "This was their finest hour" Kennedy: "Ask not what your country can do for you" Reagan: "Mr. At the end of the talk. and put it in such a way that it sounds forceful. (and they won't) they'll remember the sticker phrases. (Obviously.83 Gibson's rule of public speaking number 9: Craft "sticker" phrases that people can hold on to." They have to stick with someone -. Your phrases have to be like those "stickers. a bit of volume change. I'd come home and pull the "cockleburs" and other "stickers" out of my pant cuffs." so to speak." thank the audience.) It takes a bit of a trial. and then let the cuffs down as I grew taller.you've got to "tie it up in a pretty red bow. it's not that easy to do. People don't remember all of Churchill's.
Many people try groups like the Toastmasters.83 Gibson's rule of public speaking number 11: Practice. There is no substitute for practice. However you do it. Others practice before the mirror. speaking in front of the local Kiwanis Club. others start small. practice. do it. or before their family. Practice makes perfect. practice. or in front of a video camera. . or a local church.
there's our "black hat. One is evil . enlightened manner becomes a positive. On one side. arrogance. is the person who takes on all the darker sides of life -. inferiority. truth. "Once you start down the dark side. How successful we are in life depends greatly on which side of our soul takes control." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather. always working toward the future. and faith. growing. sorrow. most of the time. I hate to use Star Wars metaphors. This little story easily illustrates the battle that many of us fight every day -. guilt. false pride. caring.. wearing the "white hat" (the "good" cowboy always wears a white hat) we've got our good side: positive.he is joy. humility.83 A fight for our souls To introduce this week's topic. and ego. serenity. peace. . generosity. too. finding the shadow in every sunny day. The person who thinks in a positive." (Submitted to Dan Galvin by Willie Weiss) We could add much to this story -. words and deeds. not the wildflowers. not the sky and the difficulty. hope.the internal battle for our very souls.the "good wolf" would include enthusiasm. "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied." "The other is good . benevolence. On the other side. empathy. "The one you feed. lies. excitement. caring. but it's particularly useful here. envy. This same fight is going on inside you . not the opportunity. resentment. and positive thoughts. vision.and misses the great joys that lie within. compassion. forever will it control your thoughts" (or something like that). Earl Nightingale's famous "strangest secret" deals with this: we become what we think about. happiness.he is anger. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. His neighbor. caring. who continually sees the darker side of the world. let me borrow a recent "Thought for the Day" from Dan Galvin's daily mailing: An Old Cherokee describes an experience going on inside himself. self-pity. love. superiority.. regret. greed. enlightened individual.and inside every other person." This side of us sees the cloud. As Yoda said. kindness. This is the side that sees the weeds..
kids to be fed. we soon find we see "chores" as "activities. and excitement. get up a little bit earlier to undertake your morning chores. we soon find that we align our thoughts along with our time. While the positive neighbors are greeting each day with excitement and joy. but true -when we schedule a time to take on the more distasteful things we need to accomplish (things such as paying bills. now's the time to make some changes in your daily life. With that in mind.in fact sometimes we are people like this. When we set up a "positive schedule" to our lives. meaning. it not only makes the task seem easier." As an example. Leave the TV set off. or cleaning the yard). a friend of mine looks at cleaning the house as a fun challenge -. an early drive to the office (before all the scary drivers wake up).there are bills to be paid.a fight for our soul. It's odd. We all know people like this -. Habitually choose to temporarily set aside those things that would move you from your positive path. Aside from chocolate (did you see that news item that talks about the wonders of dark chocolate?). and lawns to be mowed.it's a fact of life that few people are constantly "up. she attempts to do it faster and better. a talk with your spouse. By spinning a positive slant to challenging activities. we can choose to be driven by bad habits. I recommend Don Aslett's books teaching professional house cleaning techniques to make everyday residential cleaning faster and more efficient). laundry to be done. or a leisurely breakfast. and start your day with something new: a good book. If you're having difficulty staying on the brighter side of the street -. I know I am.83 Once people get into the habit of looking at life from its negative angles. cleaning the bathroom. those on the dark side regret each day's worth of life -. they soon find that life has lost its joy. Frankly. we all have bad days from time to time -. I know nobody can exist in a vacuum -. clothes to be mended.each time she does it. . Set aside a schedule early each evening after work to address the bills." But if you're seeing more "down" days than "up" ones. a fight that we can win.they do not "greet" the day. or choose to develop and use good habits to keep us on track.that's for sure -. It is. however.you're much happier when your "light side" is in control. schedule a time on the weekend where you take care of items that need your attention -and then only depart from that schedule when emergencies arise. Face it -. why would any of us choose to let our dark side rule? Why would anybody give extra control to the side of us that would choose to destroy us? It's a fight -. (For those who wish to be infected with such a disease. washing the clothes. a morning walk. it's time to take a look at which side of the street you're habitually walking down. but it gives us our lost time back. Habits can be our master or our slave.if you're losing the fight within your soul between the dark side and the light side. one of the best ways to stay on track is to develop positive habits. because the day has no promise for them. All the everyday minutia that invades on our positive state can wait.
no matter what work we might happen to do. write down the day's tasks on a small card. "This one idea alone will revolutionize your life. It's a good time to review some simple steps we all can follow to make our work more productive -. without using this simple trick.but let him pitch one idea -. he'd send him a check for what it was worth. and had little time for the man -.his "top" idea -. There are a lot of programs. I accomplish far more than on days where I let the day's flow take me wherever it wants. Why? One .and that if he liked it. there are many days when I need to be reminded -. We all believe we can stay on track. it helps to sometimes hammer them home again.83 Simple steps with big payoffs As August winds to a close. So here we go -. doing this one simple thing will pay off big -. Make a list of everything you're good at. 1. no matter what diversions may come our way. Carnegie tried the technique. and then check them off when he was done. the key is still the same. and like to do Seems a bit strange at first glance -.just the same as it did for Carnegie (and the consultant as well -. Order them in terms of importance. 2. No matter how you do it.but if you're anything like me. and it's so simple that most people breeze on by. One idea? The expert told Carnegie to do the following: Each day. and websites that may facilitate this process -. he sent the expert a check for $10. Two weeks later. planners. even though I know the worth of this trick.but whatever you use. You've heard all of these from me before -.$10. Carnegie was quite busy running his empire.000. publications. work through the list in that order.000 wasn't chicken feed at the time).and I know that those days where I do this. binders. we're about to start the last three months of this year. Truth be told. Spend a few minutes and make up a list of your talents/strengths/abilities.simple steps that yield big payoffs (with hardly any extra effort)." the expert is reputed to have said. It's a simple little idea. Keep and work a daily task list The story is told of an efficiency expert who visited steel magnate Andrew Carnegie.but we all need to take inventory from time to time.
When I look at as a friend or a foe. a friend. We all have problems and challenges of one sort or another -. not the negative ones.particularly on the negative side of the problems that turn up. we're not all going to be able to find work in our strongest areas -. died last week after his kayak overturned in a river.but if we look at them in a positive way." He saw problems. and have an interest as well.and yet they looked at it as a possibility for future growth -.write yourself signs to keep yourself on track. Sure. not the positive one. Sure -. every day of the year. too. as "mental arithmetic. This is a odd little technique I learned from Dr. as something to be conquered. Maxwell Maltz' book Psycho-Cybernetics -. particularly those things we like to do. no matter what they may be. Concentrate on the positive aspects of your life.because they saw the negative side. or I can look at a person. I can concentrate on the flowers. When I look at the sky. his friend Ed spoke of how Mike had "loved problems. At his funeral today. It's one of the strangest parts of human nature -. When I look at a field. or I can concentrate on the their beauty.we often spend our working hours doing things that we hate. Ed said. When I look at a setback. Mike.reminders to yourself to keep on a positive track. The lessons of time have shown us that we're usually more successful at things we good at. I can look at them it as a stumbling block or a Many of the great companies that exist today once faced major challenges as their product line matured or went extinct -.83 reason: When you know what you're good at doing. Put up "Self Signs" -. many people spend the majority of their waking hours concentrating on the negative side of life -. Here are some easy ways to write this little reminders: A Post-it note on the dashboard . it's more likely you'll move toward doing those things. I can see stepping stone. Yet. we soon find they are chances to grow. Many other companies didn't change -.and decided to change and grow. 3. weeds.that's obvious.and went out of business as a result -.much of the world's people hate each hour they're at work." Mike looked at problems. The person who has a job he or she loves is a rare person indeed -.there aren't that many jobs out there for people who want to sit on the couch and eat Cheetos all day -but we should concentrate on areas where we have a talent. I can look at the clouds for them with the dread of an upcoming storm. 4.
Daily or weekly progress assessments Many of the top producers do this habitually -.but that's only because they don't have any good ones. 7. I find when I'm working on something important.and then stick to that time. as much as possible.83 Dry-erase marker (or china marker) on the bathroom mirror (also good for love notes to your spouse).or it becomes commonplace -. One other technique I use from time to time is a Velcro strip on the steering wheel. even when it's not -. As I turn each corner. and want to make a "mental note" for myself. only to achieve it and then realize that it's no place they want to be. putting one of those strips on my steering wheel helps me to remember it -. this technique is only good for the occasional item -. and change them often.they take a few minutes at the end or the start of the week and assess their progress toward their goals. It works better when you set aside a particular time each day or week -.we all would prefer to pretend that all's going OK.particularly if it's barb-side out.but it's an important step.make changes when it's helpful. Put habit to work for you -.instead of working against you Habits are hard things to break -. You likely have seen the Velcro strips that are used for binding computer cables. .so why not make them work for you. 5. rather than against you? Substitute good habits for your bad ones -. and I think about the note. Notes written on each day's planner Daily thoughts via e-mail Notes on the refrigerator door Keep the notes positive and upbeat. Keep them goal-oriented. so our destination continues to be somewhere we still want to go.but it's a really good technique for important items that have to be drilled home repeatedly. Some people think that all habits are bad -. Obviously. it comes in contact with my hand. It's often not a comfortable thing to do -.keep doing the good ones day after day until they are drilled into your daily routine. We need to refresh our goals -. Continually refresh your goals Can goals get stale? They sure can! Sometimes. 6. people work at a goal for years.
There you go -. if you let it. In the end. 9. when you don't have anyone to share it with? Your family needs to stay on top -. learn. That hour can change your life. Cut back. Spend an hour a day on personal improvement -. invest. An excellent set of books and tapes on this is Robert Kiyosaki's "Rich Dad. save." 10.it's how much you wind up with. look for new possibilities. Poor Dad" series.10 simple techniques that all deliver a big payoff. it doesn't matter how much you make -. . Put your family first in your life What good is it to reach the pinnacle of success.83 8.even when your time evaporates and life gets a bit crazy. So many people achieve monetary success -.and yet never gain true happiness. because they leave their family out of the equation. Touch up your skills.more if possible Spend your hour reading in (and out of) your field. and force yourself to think about new ideas. and yet spend two million? I'm trying to do better on this one. Don't spend everything you make Do you make a million dollars in a year. or George Clason's book "The Richest Man in Babylon. myself.
It may be grounded in the present. By inspiring fear. What kinds of high-FUD items would this be? For a salesperson. knowledge. they're working to do better") some of which haven't aged well. The book is full of Banks' famous humor lines. the attacking firm tries to run off their competitor's customers." . we don't really gain wisdom. high levels of FUD may mean that a desired career move may never happen.com sent me a note about it. $5 later. Uncertainty and Doubt. It may be grounded in the past. and introspection. This phrase. even when action would be in their own best interest. where a family member may spurn your love. that high-FUD item may be the fear of failing a diet: that fear may stop the person from even trying to watch their eating. I've got the book. That fear might be grounded in the fears of adolescence. I found his insights to be quite interesting. we're going to look at how these three de-motivators combine to stop progress -. where a customer turned away from buying your product.I happened across a copy of it when an Amazon. One of those insights was about the things that make people refuse to act.to avoid doing taking the correct course of action. refers to when one company uses phrases designed to sabotage a competitor's product. In our discussion today though. uncertainty and doubt. where a young man or woman worries about being spurned by a prospective date. For a person stuck in a nonsatisfying job. ("our cows aren't contented. because of an almost paralysis against taking that all-important first step. and doubt.83 Combating Fear. We can have the one or two of these. What is it? Our old friend FUD: fear. "The devil we see is better than the devil we don't see. I believe that wisdom is formed by experience. As an observer of human nature. uncertainty. Whatever wisdom I have gained over the years has taught me that often. I have to push myself into moving on items where the FUD factor is high. but it also contains some interesting insights into human nature.even when progress is the obviously correct thing to do. but without the third. either about the product or the company in general. a psychologist during the 1960s who made a living out of giving popular talks on the lecture circuit. and Amazon. I've always been amazed at how many people actively work against their own best interests. The book is long out of print -. For an overweight person. I was reading a book last night by Dr. without contributing anything positive themselves.com customer put one up for sale. Murray Banks. well known to the technical world. it may be fear of being rejected by a customer. I've watched how the lives of my friends and myself have been harmed by this nature -. Uncertainty and Doubt FUD: Fear. This person will continually think.
and with one phrase: "Get going. there's an easy remedy to Fear. get through it. to eliminate your uncertainty. making it into an acronym like SCUBA (Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) or RADAR (RAdio Detection And Ranging). Firefighters. and all of a sudden. Obviously. and get on with the day. and finishes with him hitting his head against the plastic door panels of his new car. reading the newspaper. and the future becomes a terrifying experience. the shadows under your bed turn into monsters. that's not a good thing to do with the rest of my life. never letting it overtake them in a dangerous circumstance. I get off the bed. You probably don't stare at the light on the ceiling. and military members are taught to manage their FUD. having guts means to act. but it succinctly shows the difference between FUD and Guts.83 Give in to FUD. because it has to be done. even when your stomach says "stay put. others were intoxicated at the time) is likely to remember the FUD they may have felt. so you can make your doubts vanish. Guts means getting up in the morning and going to work. It's something that we can learn for our everyday lives. and never show up for the ceremony. even though your present life may be uncertain. pinball. In the final analysis. even though you're terrified of public speaking. So that brings us to our rule for today: No matter how much FUD you feel. freecell. you can manage it. police. Daryl". we need to give in to the GUTS factor. Most of us had the Guts to go through with the wedding. and put it behind you if you remember one key: You have the guts to get going. I don't know how well it sells cars. It means balancing your checkbook. even when your mind is telling you to call in sick. You actively seek truth. It means actively working for the future. It'd be nice if I had a nice little set of words that "GUTS" could go with. but I don't. but you likely have your own avoidance behaviors: solitaire. and I have the occasional bad day were all I want to do in the morning is to lay back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Uncertainty. talking by the water cooler. We all have our bad days. leading up to the wedding. and Doubt. If you've got guts. . you do something that you're afraid of. You seek information. Guts means just what it sounds like -. while all around you are sitting still. or answering e-mail are all well-worn avoidance behaviors. Rather than giving in to the FUD factor. Anybody who remembers their wedding day (some people block it out." A currently-running ad for a car company shows a groom trying to decide whether to get married. The ad shows him alternately driving to the church and fleeing from the church. Before too long. every passerby is an enemy. Fortunately though. even though you don't have much money left in it. A few let the FUD overtake them. It means learning how to speak before a crowd.having the internal drive and desire to get going. the little voice inside of me takes charge. turn off the light.
FUD and all.83 Whatever it is. You just have to have the Guts to believe that you can do it." You have the Guts to get going and overcome FUD. "get going. your FUD Factor can be instantly reduced by just saying to yourself. . You don't have to have the Guts of a John Wayne-style character.
Nowadays. accounting. She was trying to sell me long distance service. . the small town where I grew up only had one bank. and retailing. which moved among several small communities. When they came to town. It was sort of like banking with with Greyhound. One day. marketing. with brick and mortar." I told her. I could see why -. This bank didn't build a new office. didn't provoke a feeling of trust among the locals. They call it "ethics." until it was purchased by a bank holding company from 100 miles away. and competitors. which will remain nameless here. Thirty years ago. Let me ask you a question -.because the company apparently engaged in -. like I told the person who called me from the same company some six months ago. they'd go over to the old bank and get their money out of a safety deposit box -.and it's big in business. but they are all trying to counteract the loss of trust that has been formed by the massive business frauds of the last few years. It was the "local bank." and a few of them call it "business ethics" (as if that was a something different than "regular" ethics). was recently barred from competing for new governmental contracts -.83 Trust and honesty Business schools teach a lot of things -. One telecommunications company.are you honest? Are you trustworthy? Do you tell the truth? Do you do what you say you'll do? Are you someone people can count on -. misrepresentation of facts. they're also trying to instill something they should have been teaching all along -. I always had the feeling they were going to drive away with my money. but true. a new bank came to town. "I will never purchase anything from your company. and a big steel safe.plain old fashioned honesty. And it's that way with people too. among others. and never come back. shareholders. interesting though it was.their storefront. They banked out of a large Winnebago." I got a call from a "representative" of this company the other day. and "creative" accounting to talk with their customers.managerial economics.let's use a softer term here: "unusual accounting. The new bank never seemed to make much penetration in our little community. don't deserve anybody's business. Why not? Because companies who intentionally use misinformation.or someone they stay away from? Trust is a big thing -.odd. As I thought about it.
but I usually give this store about $500 worth of business in a typical year. A few years later. honesty was such a strong business advantage.83 Eventually. I drive a lot. or a dishonest one? Would you be more likely to purchase a product from a company you trust.they said there wasn't enough business for two banks.would you prefer to marry someone you can trust.I found he would eventually give in to what I wanted. and did great business. Perhaps I shouldn't expect a car salesman to be honest -. "Looks pretty good. As part of evaluating the "trade-in.usually pretty fast. I went back to see the salesman who I had dealt with before. It's something that takes a lot of time.they've only got 56." he looked at the rear tires of my car. "You're kidding. as it remains today. huh?" "Nope.would you prefer to purchase a product from an honest company." he said. trust is everything. "I've been telling people that 'these here' tires will last for 60. In one of his radio programs." he said. and that makes me wonder what other tales he was telling me. trust is something that can be lost easily. ordinarily quite honest. For some time now.000 miles. . Think of yourself as an example -. to tell you truth. or someone who is not trustworthy? Would you prefer your spouse to tell you the truth. or to lie through his/her teeth? Would they prefer the same thing. that the business advantage it provided alone was enough justification to be honest. It's all about our "trust" level. my car's oil has been changed by the local branch of a giant oil company. never to be found again. Earl Nightingale once said that to companies. the only reason I kept going to him was because I liked negotiating with him -. and energy to acquire -. though. I'm not quite up to "fleet" rates." I said.that in banking.000 miles on them. but I never believed it!" Will he get my business in the future? Probably not. He was cooking the books. Our little town soon became a two-bank town. built a location with brick and mortar. so I'm a pretty good customer for the store. effort. another bank came to town. They've always been a good place to go -. Of course. as in life.but I do. Can people trust you? Do you "stretch" the truth a little bit. "You must have bought new ones.and yet it can vanish in a moment. The newer bank understood something that the Winnebago bank didn't -. the new bank stopped coming -. to make your product sound better? Do you tell people something that you really don't believe? When I purchased my current car. or one you mistrust? Let's get more personal here -. you think? Like the Winnebago bank. "Those are the original tires -." He was astounded.
I trust the professional who has earned my trust. even a life. anyway. We tell the truth. that the transmission fluid looked "very clean. Trying to sell me on a transmission fluid flush. who has 25 years on the job." was his response. one "little lie" can destroy a marriage. I decided to give the place one more chance.we do what we say we'll do.83 A month ago. Now. the employee irritated me. I ran into their "upsale" man. a career. in our business and personal lives.but it's a good example of how one slipup can eliminate a customer. and are honest ourselves. This time. I don't really mind. though. or do I trust this nineteen-year-old. I'm left with a decision -. without prompting.do I trust the factory-trained mechanic. this franchise has been using an employee to try and sell you more than just an oil change. we will earn the trust of others. however. "Well. he told me the transmission fluid "smelled burnt. .it doesn't take much to damage it. this place has retained my business -. If we work for honest companies. The other day. The person I talked to said. I'm usually bored to death waiting for the oil change. The kid wasn't on that day -perhaps the manager got wise." I've heard this one before. It's obvious. I'd say they either cheated you or did a bad job. How then do we earn the trust of others? Simple -. who's being paid a commission for each upsale he makes. but what he didn't know was that the fluid had been changed by the dealer two days prior. Although this technique irritates me a bit. I pointed his error out to the guy." Temporarily. On a personal level. and who wasn't the person who serviced the car (I watched). she wants to be told that she looks nice). and left with a nasty taste in my mouth. a job. Trust is such a fragile item -. For the last eight months or so. I change the fluid on a schedule. even when it's difficult (except when a wife asks "Do I look fat in this dress?" -she doesn't want to necessarily know the truth.
like most of your friends. For whatever reason. So many times.and something we all need from time to time. Remember who you are Remember where you're going Don't give in Don't give up You say them just like that. don't you? You need a good self-image. I was sent out to take pictures of a derailed train. leaving behind a mass of twisted metal and deeply scarred earth. and renewed dedication. you need a pretty good understanding of it all. It's halfway through the year: 6 months prior. If you. a positive approach to living. six months coming. when I worked for a weekly newspaper. Most of us have a need to recommit ourselves once in a while. two "D" statements. but I find when I start moving away from my goals -. and destroy much of the good that we've accomplished already." It's an easy little phrase. and friends. It's a healthy thing -. but it can keep you on track.83 The art of staying on track The date of this Monday Motivation is June 30. two "remembers. our lives become like that twisted train -. . it's an especially good time to recommit to achieving those goals. It's a good time to recommit yourself to achieving your goals. analysis. the knowledge that you're worth something.moving off the track.the art of staying on track? It's not going to be the same for everybody. Two "R" statements. It's a good time for reflection.here's the question: What do we need to know to practice this fine art -. have long since forgotten about your resolutions for the year. There is a real art to staying on track toward your goals.we move away from our track to success. and help a lot. So -." two "don'ts. Some years ago. these following four phrases help. Why? Remember who you are In order to remember who you are. for only a moment. neighbors. co-workers. 2003. several cars of the train had jumped the track. in that order.
I use these extensively when I'm having a down day -. but don't give up. unless it furthers your goals. Don't give up. I suppose these rules are more science than art. "Nothing in this world will take the place of persistence. Remember the four points to staying on track. never asking where they're going. just like I do. Don't give up There's one important marker of the successful person: persistence. You can change directions if you want." You only lose when you give up. Be stubborn at keeping your abilities up to date.83 Remember where you're going Remember where you're going? It's been estimated that 95 percent of the world has no idea where they're going. because when you follow them consistently. even after they get there. even when times are tough. Don't give in. Don't give in to laziness. get me focused. . you've got high chance of achieving it. help me to recommit to my work -. If you're in the 5 percent who do. Don't give in Here's the place for the right word: stubborn! Be stubborn in pursuit of your goals. anyone can memorize them and use them. and then stay there? Just remember your Ds and Rs. you will get predictable. Be stubborn in your pursuit of quality. Be stubborn in fighting for what's important. How are you doing halfway through the year? Have your plans derailed? Do you need to get back on track.they energize me. Really. Don't ever give up. successful results. Like Calvin Coolidge wrote. Too many people are like drivers who follow the car in front of them.and they're so simple. Don't give in on your standards. and never really caring. self-doubts. or second-guessing by other people.
were just barely holding their own against the onslaught of water. I was meekly following a truck. it reminded me of a time almost 20 years ago when a similar experience happened -. I moved to the passing lane. This all went fine until the truck came to a hill. Either we dread the storms of life so much that the dread and worry is far worse than the actual storm. because I was expecting to drive through 200 miles worth of a snowstorm. Worse yet. "I've had a lot of problems in my life. some people make up the storms themselves. or like my experience with the . The windshield wipers. As I thought about the experience over the years. caught in one of the most blinding storms of my life. As I came out in front of the truck. and most of them never happened.which in retrospect. expecting the storm to appear.83 Sailing through life's storms I was driving in the remnants of a snowstorm the other night. I suddenly found that my storm had vanished -. I was reminded of this experience Sunday night. and I wasn't looking forward to another one. and moved past the truck. should have had mud flaps or something. I sat behind that truck. I finished my trip without seeing any more than just a skiff of snow -. and they condemn themselves to "existing" in that storm -. Almost twenty years and 500." said Mark Twain. I have come to the conclusion that most of the personal "storms" in our lives. As the truck slowed down to take the hill. which seem like such typhoons when we're in the middle of them. And that's the way it is for many of us. Many people are this way in business. They get into a little bit of stormy weather. temporarily obscuring my view. As the spray from his wheels hit my windshield.and what I learned from it.and yet I'd worried about it almost the whole trip.rather than moving on to something better. I couldn't see in front of the truck. Worried about my aging car. I've driven through 13 other snowstorms this season. I went mile after mile.000 miles ago. but it had long since blown on by. knowing that at least he could see where he was going. turned to full power. when I passed a truck on the freeway.my storm had been made up totally from the spray of that truck -. and I wasn't really sure where I was. are no more real than my "truck storm" of that night. and concerned about the storm.
and they'll go away. Some of us have real storms -real challenges in our lives. of all the problems we'll see -. . If they do come.83 "truck storm. Sure.as long as it's not a 200-mile snowstorm that I have to drive through. storms come into your life. reflecting on the experience. Or. Some of us have challenges. Too many cavities? Brush more. Difficult boss? Get to know him/her better. or a child. So here's the moral of this week's Monday Motivation: Sometimes. Sure. I can usually see something beautiful in it -. For you. or may be staring their own mortality in the face. I have become enamored with "bad weather" photography. As some of you know.there are few problems that can't be solved. and then teach it to someone you love. that it's hard to find anything positive about them.all the storms we'll go through -. Too skinny? Eat more. and rather than pushing on and out of it. Some of the most beautiful pictures I've ever photographed have been shot either in the midst of a storm. Dead-end job? Study and look around. Some of the storms in our lives are so intensely emotional. these are some simple problems that I've listed. Don't spend all your good days worrying about them. that are beyond our control." we get caught up in a little bit of trouble. the flash of lightning illuminates the sky. Who can find a positive thing in the death of a spouse. who have the real storm to look at each day. providing a brilliance unseen in sunnier days. we often see that great insights come out of the worst times. I'm a photographer. we give up and stick with it. look around for the beauty the storm brings with it. other times. A calm sea does not require a skilled mariner -. or in a deadly or debilitating disease? And yet. storms will come. like health problems. The reason is because when the sky is darkest. and a simple fix doesn't work. they'll be thrust upon you. a parent. No matter how bad the storm gets.and a new mariner will gain skills only from a stormy sea. Troubles will arise. by a bit of concentrated work. or at least improved. somewhere there is a pinpoint of light as the storm starts to clear. Too heavy? Eat less. Sometimes the troubles will be of your own choosing. and second. in the darkest of nights during a raging thunderstorm. In our lives. Money worries? Spend less. let me give this advice: Look for something you can learn from the experience. first make certain you're not in a storm that exists only in your mind. Low bonus? Sell more. Over the years. and storms will go. or when the storm has just barely passed. Some people who are reading this note may be looking at the death of a loved one.
and look around for the flashes of brilliance and insight you'll find while you're still in the storm. . remember the "truck storm.83 Either way." and try and find a way out of your trouble -.
When one asset is left out. Sure -." you hear "Well.and then shift it to somebody else.83 Take ownership of your life This week's topic comes from a reader who wrote that she was looking for something to inspire her followers to take ownership for their successes and failures. We have to get to the point where we know our abilities better than anyone -. each of us has to become seriously realistic about what we do. nobody wants to have the blame fall at their feet. I made a mistake. Certainly. If you've been reading Monday Motivation for some time.and then work to maximize our successes so they outweigh our failures.rather than saying "Yes." It's as if a man from Man from mars had dropped in. If you're a retail shopper." It's that way with our life.but it illustrates how we never can quite understand our possibilities until we can understand our inventory. and how we do it. the stores hire a group of "counters. and a cloak that can be set on fire. and then took off again. I'm sure mistakes were made. plus. While I never pretend that Monday Motivation will inspire anyone.when things go wrong. It's the fashion nowadays to assess blame -. In order to maximize our abilities. A former associate of mine used to quote a neat little phrase: "If you can't measure it. If we never really measure our lives.but never addressed fully as a topic of its own. Face it -nobody wants to make mistakes. and what we bring to the table. a wheelbarrow. And the first step in that path is to determine realistically where we are. you'll notice that this is a topic we've touched on lightly before -." who . you no doubt have come across a time where the local food store was having an "inventory. you can't change it. it changes the possible solutions -.or so entertaining -. we don't want to get penalized for the ones we do make. Fans of the excellent movie and book "The Princess Bride" will remember a scene where the hero asks for his compatriots to list their assets and liabilities. It's just human nature -." Around here.but it stands in the way of our progress.and the inclusion of that asset renders a solution involving a giant. our solutions will never be quite so interesting -. You can hear it in the terminology -. made a mistake. her question made me think about the topic. we cannot hope to make our lives better.
including things that you may ordinarily overlook. but we should take a few minutes from time to time to have our own little inventory. your skill set. More importantly. shyness. You may wince when you write them down. List your abilities. noodles. you can see how to take ownership of your life.83 come into the store and count -. a negative outlook (doubtful if you're reading this). you can easy see which direction you need to take.and if you ask them to add up their assets -. right? But if you ask them whether they've got enough money in their checking account. they can usually give you a pretty solid answer -. plus everything else that's in the store. or an enthusiastic attitude. You may find yourself listing items such as a bad temper. soup. pickles. meat. but I often find that people tend to discount their abilities far more than they should. Our personal balance sheet is similar to that -. you should have a pretty long list. While on our asset list. list the areas where you need work -. and mustard. stale job skills. List them all. that's what accountants are for. are you able to objectively look at your strengths? We tend to think that people will "up-play" their good parts. lack of training. we listed family and friends. milk. Include your family.when you look at your assets. and then your liabilities. examine your balance sheet. like your ability to get along with other people. here we're going to concentrate on just the elements that we can change about ourselves. you're going to think of additional assets. . So believing there's no time like the present. If you do this correctly. but are you able to objectively look at your problem areas? More importantly.their house.after all. your friendships. The inventory is usually spurred by tax reasons. When you're done. Add them to the asset list. and "down-play" their bad areas. an over-fondness for food (always on my list). or skills that need to be learned. their car. they can figure out whether they're ahead or not. On a sheet of paper. and so forth -and compare them to their loans and their financial liabilities. make your balance sheet. on the opposite side of the sheet. or on another sheet of paper. They count cereal. Next. It's my guess that while you're writing your "liability" list.the things that are holding you back from success.that's all they do. let's stop and take inventory of our assets and our liabilities. or a knack for learning new concepts readily. and every other asset that you can wrap your mind around. your financial assets. your knowledge of business. Many people never learn how to read a balance sheet at a company -. Be certain to list each and every asset. their furniture.
we purposely weighted it so your abilities would stand out. but when it comes to ourselves. or the person who rents it for the weekend? . Which person do you think takes better care of an automobile -. Each of us has abilities and disabilities. It's not that difficult to identify which way we should go." When you're an owner. He or she may suggest others. you hopefully have an idea of what you can bring to the table. We all have the chance to maximize our assets. If it is longer. Perhaps you're being too hard on yourself. Have your spouse or a trusted friend look at your list. Looking at your "asset" list. Decide what plan of attack you can use to minimize your liabilities. But in this exercise. we're our own worst critic. It should be quite common to see some assets marked with two or more marks. no matter what happens. Take a look at your balance sheet again -. An owner can't be locked out of his property. and determine which liabilities you wish to eliminate in the next year's time. and a "U" for underused. If you've been honest with yourself. or suggest modifications. then put your plan into place. the way a renter can. Anyway. when we look at the balance sheet. an "I" for important. Determine from your list what assets you wish to maximize in the future. The next step in our exercise is to determine a plan of attack. perhaps you need to take a look and see if you're giving yourself the break you deserve. Strange. When we take personal responsibility for the good and the bad in our life. you take responsibility for what you own. determine which assets are most marketable. Perhaps you're not hard enough.the owner of that vehicle.is your list of liabilities longer than your list of assets? It shouldn't be -. Mark each asset with a "M" for marketable.83 My wife tells me that I'm this way (everyone should have a spouse or friend to set them straight occasionally). make certain you concentrate on the assets you can bring to the table. Now. by using your assets. and a (hopefully) smaller list of your liabilities. and minimize our liabilities. isn't it -. which assets are most important.many of us will give someone else the benefit of the doubt. we take "ownership. and which are currently being underused. back to our balance sheet. Look at your liability list. you have in front of you a long list of your assets.
You no longer blame the downturns in your life on "fate. it's up to me. not just expect your employer to do it for you. you continually cast yourself as a victim. Want success in the business world? Well. you understand you've got to prepare for retirement. and something goes wrong.83 Sure -. or hire it done.and own your future success.the owner will take better care of it. and avoid sickness. The renter will probably use it to teach his 16-year-old kid how to shift a manual transmission. it's up to you to fix it yourself." Want to bring in more sales revenue? If you're the owner of your future. It's his car. you realize you've got to get out there and sell more! Want to lose weight? Well. you gain more power than we realize." not "working. When you own something. Few things are as exciting (or disconcerting) as realizing the truth of that old adage. You've got to keep your inventory fresh. "If it's meant to be. You realize the upturns in your life as opportunity or the product of great preparation. When you lack ownership. You whine about what others are doing to you. If you rent a condo." or the person down the hall." Become an owner -. you're the owner of that body -. you realize that you have to exercise." "chance. as the owner of your life. you realize you've got to keep your skill set up. You spend your time "wishing. . Want a secure retirement? When you're the owner of your future. Want to become healthier? When you take ownership. Taking ownership of your life will maximize your abilities. it's the landlord's responsibility to fix it -but if you own that condo.you realize that weight isn't going to come off by itself. you take responsibility for it. When that "thing" you own happens to be your life. eat better.
If you feel the pain. the pain will subside -.it said when back pain sufferers exercised. when you started running. If you're still a runner. The study showed that those people who were told to "take it easy" had longer bouts of back pain. I was intrigued even more. Occasionally. A couple of days later. I refuse anesthetic at the dentist's office. but less pain as they went on. .83 Becoming strong at the broken places As I've noted before. and quit because of it. but with every part of our life -. just in case you try and do it again. your body started hurting less and less -. For anything short of a full root canal.and pretty soon.finally. their chronic back pain vanished entirely. because of something I had read in the Wall Street Journal. The Journal article I read said that a new study showed that individuals with chronic back pain did much better when they made it hurt more. For some of them. Coming in closely behind the search request. that phrasing isn't quite accurate -. A couple of weeks ago. Your legs hurt.when you do more exercise than you're used to. If you are a runner (I'm not). using it as a topic. that they were more likely to gain relief from their pain than were those people who "took it easy.and how much the two topics have in common. Think of your own life as an example.but you're never going to become stronger -.I've heard some people say even their hair hurt.not only with back pain. Now." as the ubiquitous phrase in English reads. you actually started to like it. the body repairs itself. When I saw it come up on the statistics. When you go to bed at night. I'm afraid I've got an example of this that will make some of you cringe. Those people who exercised probably had more pain at the beginning. and do a week's Monday Motivation. your feet hurt -. a reader entered the title of this week's topic into the search box. I was intrigued. I will pull out one of the more prominent search terms. Some of them actually got to the point where they were in constant pain. you no doubt hated it. making itself stronger. Why do I do this? Because it helps me to see what people are looking for.because you never put forth the effort. your body complains. doing those things that made their backs hurt. It's the same with almost every physical exercise -. I keep an eye on the search terms that visitors enter into our search form. it struck me how true this is -. you worked through it -.
people never become problem solvers. in most cases. J. Earl Nightingale used to talk about security. until they are broken no more. and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind. Many physical infirmities cannot be wished. but it's actually the riskier choice." It's also important for us to make our mind whether to give in to our "broken places. broken. said this: "I would never have amounted to anything were it not for adversity. then they seem improbable.we're built to rise above it. no matter how difficult the circumstances. rather than submitting ourselves to a few days of discomfort due to change and growth. or in our character. that we're actually taking the risky path. many people will never actually grow. Sure. We put up with years of misery." or to work on them. there are physical and emotional areas in each of us that are going to be impossible. despite being paralyzed. "The only time you have security is when you're dead. or troubled? Do you have parts of your life that cause you great pain and distress? . when we summon the will. Penney. that when we take the "safe road" where challenges are concerned. we usually attract security -. worked. or whether to act. Do you have areas in your life where you are weak. and in acting. Staying in the same old job may appear to be secure. That means.C. seeking to change and become better." Without problems.and change.but even in those cases. or near-impossible to fix. our troubles defeat us. people do not "rise to the challenge. that weak spot will widen." Life is about living -. I added a quote from the World War II general Omar Bradley to our quotes page today. improbable as it seems. True security comes from challenging yourself. many long years later. Many of us choose the other way in our lives. kept working. we rarely find it. (I'm paraphrasing him here). Look at Christopher Reeve.and never giving in." he used to say. Every time we decide to "accept" a weak spot in our physical self. Every time we give in to our troubles. Without challenges. sitting back and waiting for death to claim its prize is not the smart way to proceed. It shows us one very important lesson: human beings are not built to give in to adversity -. I was struck my the way it rang true in this circumstance: "We are given one life. and I decided a long time ago that I prefer less than five minutes worth of pain to four hours worth of misery. and now sees some feeling returning." Without a reason to grow. He is quoted as saying this: "So many of our dreams at first seem impossible. creator of the retail giant that bears his name.83 The stuff makes me sick to my stomach. When we seek security. they soon become inevitable. who. to live. When we seek challenges. or exercised away -. and then.
When you choose to make those weak areas strong -.and me. When you give in to your weak spots. When you make yourself strong.you create new strengths. those strengths forever help you -.83 When you give into your pain. your winning nature. those weak spots forever limit you. your adversity.repair the broken parts of your life and yourself -. you tune out your strength. your ability. . your weakness. platforms from which you can rise to even greater heights.
what matters is what is going to happen. this is one of the oft-queried topics. never. no matter how difficult your life may be. There's a popular saying that says: "When you've gotten to the end of your rope. hanging on is fine -. no matter how difficult the situation becomes. The past is behind you.and that island nation defeated one of the greatest air forces of all time. Don't worry -.but it doesn't fix the problem.at least as long as people are alive. If you've reached the end of your rope. climb again -. The trouble you were going through a minute ago is already part of your past. lose. I know all about it -. Step number 1: Never give up. The main difference between success and failure is Persistence. never. it doesn't matter how you got to where you're at. start climbing. Winston Churchill said." In the darkest days of The Battle of Britain.and again. "Never give up. Losers give up. tie a knot in it and hang on. Never. What matters is the following question: Where are you going from here? Difficult situations happen -. No matter how dark things become. make a decision that no matter what. It doesn't really matter what's happened to you -. and pull yourself out of your troubles. but take the responsibility for your future. you'll not give up.even if you slide back down. follow these simple little steps. I write special Monday Motivation pieces for some of the things people seem to be searching for.83 Reaching The End of Your Rope Periodically." Frankly. Churchill pulled a nation together with his dynamic words -. never. this is your first step: never give up.and again -. Unfortunately. This brings us to the next "end of the rope" advice: "When you've reached the end of your rope." I'll give you a couple of extensions to that advice in a second -but to begin with. Start climbing -. and by doing so.I've been there before. Step number 2: Take responsibility for your future. .you can do it. What do you do when you reach the end of your rope? If life has gotten too difficult for you to handle well.they always have. Rest if you must. and they always will -. Winners never stop trying.
now comes the final step toward your recovery: look for other alternatives. not the negative.we have "good" times. and some introspection. Let me explain.bad things happen. and it seems you're at the end of your rope -. usually the dawn is on the way. remember to learn from experience.but learn from them. and decided to take responsibility for your actions. and even when it is. What can I learn from this that can help me in the future? 2. you've got an entirely different problem than if that rope is only three feet from the ground. ask yourself two questions: 1. Fewer still look around to evaluate their situation.you may only be able to offer advice to people.just learn from it and move on.well.83 Step number 3: Look for better alternatives Once you've decided to survive. They focus on growth. See the value you can gather from what you've been through -. not stagnation. Most people. and we have "bad" times. Examine where you went wrong. What is the best way I can turn this difficult situation into a better one? Why do you ask yourself these two questions? They focus on the positive. Turn your difficult situation into a learning experience.re-evaluate your situation. They happen to all of us -. turn it to your long-term advantage. If you're in a situation where life seems dark and dreary. some luck. If you're hanging at the end of a rope. When you get right down to it. . but if you help someone else. it'll be worth it. Look around you and see if there's a positive way out of this predicament. and for the opportunity in any situation. not the past. Our lives are cyclical -.but that doesn't mean you have to let them control your life. Don't let your introspection turn into a set of "what ifs" -. not sitting and weeping. Sure -. they focus on resolving and learning. Determine how you can do better in the future. Step number 4: Learn from it and put it behind you. Some people decide to climb. they focus on the future. Don't dwell on your mistakes -. Wisdom is gained through two elements: experience and reflection. If you're having a difficult time. when caught "at the end of their rope. When you've outlasted your situation." hang there until someone helps them. and that rope is 500 feet above the ground -. Life is rarely that dark. It's only later that you realize you learn more from the "bad" times than you do from the "good" ones.and with a bit of work. You can survive any predicament that comes your way -. the only rope whose end you should ever worry about is a rope with a noose.
One way or the other. For example.and put it behind you on your road to success.and under the worst of circumstances. That stumbling block is fear. and it helps us moderate the stupid things that we eventually decide to do. groups. What are you afraid of? Most people have one or two fears. loneliness. 1. This pervasive fear is one shared by many people. rather than have to stand before that same microphone to give a speech. heights. most fears don't help people -. roller coasters. . small children. did you know that more people are afraid of public speaking than they are of death? Given a choice. and what to do about them. it's even psycho. lightning. especially when there's a lot of change in the air.83 Overcoming the fears that stop your success Over the last few weeks. sometimes it's irrational. which under the best of circumstances will save our life -. fear often works to our advantage. falling and mother-in-laws. Fact of the matter is. sometimes. bees. open spaces. they may choose to be hit over the head with a microphone. Oddly enough. it's something we have to learn to deal with. we've been talking a bit about those things that stand in the way of our ultimate progression and happiness. We're not going to fix everyone's fears today. one of the biggest stumbling blocks is a reflex we naturally possess. people of another color or background. success and growth. lizards. it's important to get a grasp on what you're afraid of -. Fear of Failure. lurking around in the back of their minds. It keeps us from doing really stupid things. When confronting dangerous situations. spiders. may actually help end it. closed spaces. Therefore. Others are afraid of dogs. Sometimes. Even ones that have beneficial side effects are more likely to harm than help. it's rational. Fear is a natural response to a usually unseen foe. but we're going to look at some of the fears that may be standing in your way.they paralyze them. Fear our body's response to something it thinks will harm it.
with a bit of oversight by the SF'er himself. They'll do all right. Success Fear seems to have its root in a poor self-image. 2. . people who are afraid of failure never do anything at all. it's likely that a poor self-image is more at the root of this fear than any other.83 It appears." FF'ers choose inaction. If you're a leader. They're usually able to start doing something -. When the idea proves successful. With training and enough success.but if they're turned around. if you can afford the time to help them out.but what they're afraid of is the "end game. I can never fail. Chief among the paralyzing fears. In fact. put the feared action at the top of the list.but rarely finish it. It can take a lot of work. and start to believe in their abilities. Soon. you can use them well as instigators and "Idea People. many of these fearholders will learn to trust more in themselves -. "Behold the turtle. Fear of Success. we should all be turtles. and caring -. you have to learn to treat yourself like a leader would. the Failure Fear stops people right in their tracks. Like most fear-holders. FF'ers can learn to deal with this fear by forcing themselves to take action. "He never gets anywhere unless he sticks his neck out. Like many fears. SF'ers have good ideas. Few who have this fear ever take the first step toward success. you're going to succeed." In this case. rather than taking a chance on their future. this would be a good fear to have. at first blush. SF'ers may actually contribute a lot of good to a company. but they have poor follow-through." the old adage goes. and resolve to take the first step before moving onto anything else. If you're a leader. Form a task list. A task list is a good method to use. as well.they need the rush that comes with external praise and motivation. FF'ers often turn around. Why is this fear so damaging? Why is it so paralyzing? People with the Failure Fear quickly learn it's easy to slide along without taking that first important step. They go by the motto. choosing to never try is choosing to fail. If you're the SF'er. but it's a common one. learn to deal with it. though. "If I never try. you will likely find that FF'ers will make good followers. right? Wrong! Too often. but poor instigators." and they're secretly afraid they won't measure up.and they're usually loyal workers in the meantime." Unfortunately for the FF'ers. Realize that you've got a slight challenge here. Plagued by thoughts such as "It'll never work out" and "I can't do that. If you're afraid of failure. and seemingly lose interest in it -. they can become successful -. hand-holding. right out of the box." Give the actual follow-through to someone else. You wouldn't think that people would have this fear. you may fail when you try something new -but then you didn't learn how to walk by staying in that crib all of your life. and then when it manifests itself. as long as their butt isn't on the line. including the Failure Fear. SF'ers will get part way through a project. Sure. they will develop a core competency in their areas of expertise.
and every odd sound -. Change is difficult for most of us to take -. Heck. Fear of the Unknown UF'ers are our most recognizable fear in our little discussion here -.even when the cause needn't apologize. then work in areas you feel comfortable in -. but never actually say "Jim. UF'ers are usually all right with the change. they worry about changes.so ask opinions of friends. 4. This fear is the bane of salespeople. after it's been implemented. every strange face. Once you know you're good." because they're two sides of the same coin. Fear of Confrontation. Most changes eventually work out to be for the better -. . at least you were prepared. They will happily golf and schmooze. you'll be more prone to choose to succeed. If you're a UF'er. They apologize when they ask for funds for a worthy cause -. just keep telling yourself that "it'll be all right. They often become its most ardent supporters. If things get worse. You depend on external motivation -. without having your fear response kick in.or learn to leverage off those areas to develop new competencies in other areas.) 3. when you get right down to it. and reluctant fund raisers. This fear could also be known as "Fear of embarrassment. the harder it may be to accept. as a leader.and it bothers most of us to some extent. Still. If you're doing a good job. there aren't that many of them who get elected). They are inherently supporters of the status quo -and since once a change has been implemented. I'd like to get your business -. and co-workers from time-to-time during the timeline of your project or goal. Today's status quo was yesterday's "change. but beyond that. and that motivation will help you continue to your successful outcome.and the more radical the change. UF'ers are the ones who have problems traveling at night. Few people have an overall SF for all areas of their life. they rarely need any help at all. You might be able to get through the smaller parts. they'll tell you. change is inevitable -. customers. it become the status quo." Life is change and Change is not necessarily bad. You can't say that for the other people on this list. They worry about every dark alley.and it may be just what you're looking for. CF'ers who are salespeople will spend a lot of time talking to the customer. If you're the SF'er. because they can't see that far ahead of the car's headlights. the past was unknown until you lived through it. politicians.even when they appear to be bad on the face of it.and the future is always unknown. and your worst fears are realized -. UF'ers are your friend.83 Breaking a project into smaller parts may help.but most of all." If it's not. (Just don't keep bothering them too much. but never ask him/her to buy. They require a bit of handholding over the hump.well.how about it?" CF'ers are the politicians who hate to ask for money or for votes (unfortunately. you can always try something else -.
Truck drivers become strategists when they watch or play football. and can streamline your growth in this area.not now. Mimic their techniques. pretend you are them -pick one of their physical quirks. If a leader or a CFer can turn it into a game. Housewives suddenly turn into plutocrats when they play Monopoly. Perhaps ask to go on sales calls with them. competitive fireballs. Gaming is a useful solution when change is in the air. instead of a potentially debilitating one. for example. calls this approach "modeling" and uses it extensively in his life-changing seminars. but for many of us. When the time comes for you to close that sale. it often makes change an invigorating experience." .but neither is it anything to be "afraid" of. when they are in a racquetball game. and the death of fear is certain. The first involves looking on the process as a game. Mild-mannered accountants suddenly become raving. and mimic it (as long as it's not too bizarre) for just a second. gamers often do things that are otherwise out of character. A second is usually all you need to throw that mental switch and "become" them.83 There are two neat ways to deal with this problem for you CF'ers out there. It's a very useful method. Fear is not our friend -. It's silly to think about it when you first consider it. not ever -. Tony Robbins. look around you at someone who can do it. Our second method for CFers among us is the Actor approach. When the object is to win a game. We can put our fears behind us. Model your approach after them. for example. choosing to emulate someone else through the Actor approach is a useful method to learn how to defeat your CF-ness. If you just can't deal with closing the sale. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "Do the thing you fear. simply and easily.
some of us. what the world is talking about is "faith". they shall mount up with wings as eagles. they shall run. but not faith. to every man that is among you. We just don't walk up to the Grand Canyon of life and leap across it having an faith experience. I have a sure hope in going to Heaven when I die. (1) It it not just a wish or desire. according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith" (Romans 12:3). Sometimes we play the open the Bible to the promise game expecting God to hop when we point to a promise. somehow. 3. I was taught to believe in Santa Claus. I could wish that I was someone else. Santa Claus does not exist. Hope is truth not yet realized. However. However. The providential view is to have faith in circumstances (lady luck). "Even the youths shall faint and be weary. "I think I can. "So then faith cometh by hearing. I think I can. The brotherhood view is to have faith in your fellowman. but I have yet to realize the experience. (2) Faith is not "knowledge" in the natural. If we intellectually know something. "For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world. However." Even Christians sometimes do this in "claiming the promises" of God. and not faint" (Isaiah 40:30-31).83 Positive Mental Attitude The world tells us that we are to have a positive mental attitude. deep chasm of the unknown. The humanistic view is to have faith in your self. but to think soberly. through the grace given unto me. . The problem is that all of these will sooner or later fail. (7) Faith is not a random picking of the promises of God. standing at the edge of the canyon. and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17). Faith is seeing beyond the natural. It brings us victory over the world. The only true positive mental attitude comes from God. there is a type of faith that never fails because it it based upon Someone who never fails. it is knowledge. (6) Faith is not a leap across a wide. However. 2. As a child. even our faith" (I John 5:4). however. (4) Faith is not an unfounded "belief". but that would never happen. (3) Faith is not hope. expecting God to magically come and take us across. It is a gift of God. I think I can. not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think. faith must always have an object. and not be weary: and they shall walk. at times. (5) Faith is not a repetition of thoughts or words such as. It is based upon the Word of God. We should begin by seeing what faith is not. "For I say. What Faith is: 1. and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength. look forward to such experience expecting.
"Jesus said unto him. "And they rose early in the morning. O Judah. but not for God. he was able also to perform" (Romans 4:20-21). 5. Thou hast faith. giving glory to God. It is the only way to please God. Our faith may be tested. "Even so faith. Increase our faith" (Luke 17:5). This is the work of God. If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed. "And he said to them all. that we might work the works of God? Jesus answered and said unto them. Jehoshaphat stood and said. If thou canst believe. 10. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for.It is a confident expectancy that God will perform His Word. It is evidence or proof as a court case. It is like a deed to property.83 4. 7. and went forth into the wilderness of Tekoa: and as they went forth. what he had promised. 9. 6. and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works. It enables us to work the works of God. It brings security and prosperity. let him deny himself. and it shall remove. ye shall say unto this mountain. Remove hence to yonder place. It is something solid (spiritually) that we can stand upon. Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you. and follow me" (Luke 9:23). It is active and requires action. 12. "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is. a man may say. "Then said they unto him. is dead. all thing are possible to him that believeth" (Mark 9:23). Faith comes out of a relationship and daily fellowship with God. Hear me. and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem. and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him" (Hebrews 11:6) . and take up his cross daily. Yea. 14. taking the shield of faith. It is a belief in that which is impossible for man. (see Hebrews 11:1ff) We can grow in faith. and I will shew thee my faith by my works" (James 2:17-18) 11. that ye believe on him whom he hath sent" (John 6:28-29). if it hath not works. the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). We can stretch and increase our faith. It is often based upon past experience with God. It is extremely powerful. 13. "Above all. Believe in the LORD your God. It is our shield against the fiery darts of the enemy. It is substance (spiritual concrete). What shall we do. but was strong in the faith. being alone. and being fully persuaded that. "And the apostles said unto the Lord. so shall ye prosper" (2 Chronicles 20:20). 8. wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked" (Ephesians 6:16). believe his prophets. "He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief. "And Jesus said unto them. so shall ye be established. and nothing shall be impossible unto you" (Matthew 17:20). If any man will come after me.
even as he walked" (I John 2:6). "That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us. "For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing. "If we say that we have fellowship with him. 9. When we walk in faith. and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour" (Ephesians 5:2). not by sight:)" (II Corinthians 5:7). "And he that doubteth is damned if he eat. 5. When we walk in faith. When we walk in faith. that giveth to all men liberally. and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light. nor uncircumcision. let him ask of God. even so we also should walk in newness of life" (Romans 6:4). nothing wavering. "He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk. When we walk in faith. who walk not after the flesh. "If any of you lack wisdom. "I therefore. 4. we are walking in resurrection power. 8. 6. When we are walk in faith. we are walking in the Spirit. beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called" (Ephesians 4:1). we fulfill our calling. "I rejoiced greatly that I found of thy children walking in truth. as he is in the light. we are walking after Jesus. we are walking in love.83 15. . we have fellowship one with another. and walk in darkness. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed" (James 1:5-6). "This I say then. "Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father. as Christ also hath loved us. we are walking in truth. we are free from sin. Faith is required for prayer. When we walk in faith. We are to walk by faith opposed to walking by sight. But let him ask in faith. as we have received a commandment from the Father" (II John 1:4). we are walking in light. 2. and it shall be given him. "(For we walk by faith. Walk in the Spirit. and upbraideth not. 16. but faith which worketh by love" (Galatians 5:6). Faith works through love. 1. the prisoner of the Lord. 7. but after the Spirit" (Romans 8:4). because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). When we walk in faith. and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin" (I John 1:6-7). "And walk in love. Faith is a walk. we lie. When we walk in faith. 3.
according to the commandment of the everlasting God. we are walking in humility. 12. 15. and to love mercy. 11. so walk ye in him:" (Colossians 2:6). but to do justly. we are walking in the fear of the Lord. but who also walk in the steps of that faith of our father Abraham. A true positive mental attitude (faith) proceeds from God and causes God to intervene in our lives in a supernatural way as we receive it and act upon it. "He hath shewed thee. (The fear of the Lord is knowing that God will discipline his children when they do wrong. what is good. (It is not a leap or jump. and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. we are walking in divine knowledge "But grow in grace. made known to all nations for the obedience of faith" (Romans 16:26). and were edified.83 10. which he had being yet uncircumcised" (Romans 4:12). "As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord. When we walk in faith. 14. When we walk in faith. When we walk in faith. and what doth the LORD require of thee. were multiplied" (Acts 9:31). and by the scriptures of the prophets. When we walk in faith.) "Then had the churches rest throughout all Judaea and Galilee and Samaria. we are walking in obedience. and in the comfort of the Holy Ghost. O man. To him be glory both now and for ever. we are walking in Jesus. and walking in the fear of the Lord. Amen" (II Peter 3:18). and to walk humbly with thy God?" (Micah 6:8). When we walk in faith. When we walk in faith. 13. . "But now is made manifest.) "And the father of circumcision to them who are not of the circumcision only. we are taking one step at one time.