Raising Boys to be Godly Men in a Confused and Conflicted Culture.


A. CREATION. God’s Good Order.
Genesis 1+2. • • Genesis 1 v26-28 Man & Woman of Equal Value. Genesis 2 v15-25 Equal beings –different roles.

a) the woman’s equality – she was made from the man, and was the only one capable of being his companion. b) the woman’s different role – she was made for the man, to be his strong helper (for such is the meaning of the word).

B. FALL. Conflict and Confusion.

“…what we are as men and women is not natural or God-given but constructed socially.” 2 “In the war against boys, as in all wars, the first casualty is truth.”
Genesis 3 • God’s Order challenged and restored.

The Results of the Fall. A. Confusion about Masculinity.
The American Heritage Dictionary’s definition of Masculinity is: 4 ‘1. The quality or condition of being masculine. 2. Something traditionally considered to be characteristic of a male.’ At the turn of the century Teddy Roosevelt stated that a man, ‘…must not be a coward or a weakling, a bully, a shirk or a prig….He must work hard and play hard. He must be clean-minded and clean-lived, and able to hold his own under all circumstances and against all-comers.’ 5
Nancy Pearcey, Total Truth: liberating Christianity from its Cultural Captivity (Wheaton: Crossway 2005) Rowena Chapman & Jonathan Rutherford (eds.) Male Order: Unwrapping Masculinity (London: Lawrence and Wishart, 1988), 195. 3 Christina Hoff Summers, The War Against Boys (New York: Touchstone 2000), 16. 4 From http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Masculinity. Accessed 08.01.07. 5 Cited in James Jones, Alfred C Kinsey: A Life (New York: Norton 1997),52
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Raising Boys to Be Godly Men

Ian Fry

Children Desiring God Conference 2009

( Metheun. 1). It is a story of how we are turning against boys and forgetting a simple truth: that the energy. and corporal daring of normal. Hostility. Raising Boys to Be Godly Men Ian Fry Children Desiring God Conference 2009 .it is masculinity per se or the fact of being a man that is seen as the source of the problem. 14. War Against Boys.” 6 B. Alberta Report. Goliath. The Whole Woman. (11th January 1999) 10 R Miles. Germaine Greer. “This book tells how it has become fashionable to attribute pathology to millions of healthy male children. Rites of Man. Conflict with Males: The Impact of Feminism. (Grafton Books 1992) 11 Quoted in Hoff Summers.” 7 “Crime and coercion are sustained by men. Equality Fairness Inclusiveness Sameness Balance Justice 2. sent here by spaceships to copulate with female earthlings and propagate the species-a task for which science has rendered them all but redundant. Campbell.” 8 “Men are from another planet. Equality. 61. War Against Boys. C. (London: Doubleday 1999) 8 B.     Essentially it says: The individual self is the source and judge real knowledge and behaviour That self-fulfillment is the highest goal in life That personal feelings are the ultimate court of appeal in any dispute Religious satisfaction is centred around personal comfort and self-realization 6 7 Hoff Summers. • • • • “To be male is to be a kind of idiot. competitiveness. Conflict with God’s Community: Therapeutic Individualism.” 9 “How can we make a hard & fast distinction between ‘normal’ & ‘criminal’ when both are located along the same spectrum that we call ‘man’?” 10 11 Inequality Unfairness Exclusiveness Difference Imbalance Injustice “gender violence prevention” “patriarchal universe of discourse”. decent males is responsible for much of what is right in the world. 1993) 9 R di Manno.

Raising Boys to Be Godly Men Ian Fry Children Desiring God Conference 2009 . aggression and hiding their feelings coupled with men’s obsession with work are the root of all societal problems. very many elements of religion. So when women behave badly it is often put down to them behaving like men: the clear inference is that bad behaviour is a male rather than a female characteristic. marriage. the justice system and government itself. practices of courtship. Conflict: Men are a Danger to Society. 2.city-journal.09.“Its assumptions and commitments infuse very level of the educational system. “…boys’ aggressive and rationalist nature [has been] redefined by educators as a behavioural disorder.06. Confusion and Conflict: The Impact on and of Schooling. education researcher Jay Greene recently documented. “Research shows. “Being a feminist opens your eyes to the ways men. the health care sector and public health system. More Confusion: The ‘Save the Male’ Campaign.” From http://www.. Soul Searching: the Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers (New York: Oxford University Press. Real Boys (New York: Henry Holt and Co.06. 1998) 16 Gerry Garibaldi in How the Schools Shortchange Boys on http://www.html Accessed 11. such as the advertising industry and the mass media.’”  Another educationist wrote.09. 2005).04..” 12 D. family life. F. William Pollack writes. the average father is inclined to arouse the emotions and stimulate a boy. That they are fundamentally lazy.com/Quote. like women.org/html/16_3_schools_boys. especially the need for fathers. entertainment. 3.” 17 12 Christian Smith with Melinda Lundquist Denton.city-journal. increasingly. Male characteristics such as competition. Numerous commentators note the detrimental affect of both.org/html/16_3_schools_boys. and. … That roughhousing between father and son that may make mom cringe is actually the rudimentary beginning of a boy's management of his aggression and his ability to substitute emotional mastery and mutual cooperation for violent interaction.aspx?q=Researchshowsthatwhilemotherstendto Accessed 04.” 14  William Pollack in his book Real Boys contends that. playing with him zestfully and 'jazzing' him up. and divorce. that while mothers tend to soothe their children and shield them from too much stimulation.” 16 15 E. 14 15 Gerry Garibaldi online http://www. 174-175 13 Space forbids discussing the impact for young men of the equally important areas of an economy with high unemployment or homes without fathers. William Pollack. compared with 72 percent of girls. Men are always the violent victimisers and women the poor victims. and recreation. key cultural elements of the economy. The view of men is largely: 1. some public social programs.. Susan Faludi states.quotesea.html Accessed 11.09. Only 65 percent earned high school diplomas in the class of 2003. “Many school systems [have] to a large extent have ‘pathologized what is simply normal for boys. irresponsible or violent and given half a chance will abandon their children. . 13 The impact of these changes upon boys at school has been marked:  boys are more than 50 percent more likely to repeat elementary school grades than girls  a third are more likely to drop out of high school  they are twice as likely to have a "learning disability"  at college three out of five students are female  “Boys have become increasingly disengaged. are imprisoned in cultural stereotypes.

‘Unbelief squashes. War Against Boys.01.’ 26 17 Susan Faludi interviewed on the Mother Jones website: http://www. War Against Boys.html Accessed 10. Idaho: Canon Press 2001). [he should remember that] God with all his 25 angels and creatures is smiling. Confusion: Two Inadequate Responses by Young Men.. not sitting in a circle sharing their feelings. faith teaches. One feminist (Rosalind Coward) writes of her sons’ generation “thrashing around in a new world in which they feel demoralised. Restoring God’s Order.07. Total Truth.” 21 Marvin Olasky: “What New Age facilitators don't realise is that friendship grows fastest when boys are working side by side with the common goal of winning.” 22 G. 48. “We badly need to raise boys like we raise girls.” 18 Barney Brawer. Iron John: A Book about Men (Rider & Co. Raising Boys to Be Godly Men Ian Fry Children Desiring God Conference 2009 . 329 26 Douglas Wilson. War Against Boys. 1999) 25 Martin Luther quoted in Pearcey.” 24 C.) Counterfeit Masculinity. 21 Feminist writers quoted in Hoff Summers. REDEMPTION. 23 See for example Robert Bly.” 19 Susie Orbach tells boys that they need to be “emotionally literate” 20 One feminist complained that. 10.” A. told Education Week: “We've deconstructed the old version of manhood.) Effeminate Masculinity. but we've not [yet] constructed a new version. 15 20 Quoted in Phillips. the second sex. 18 Quoted in Christian Hoff Summers. and someone ridicules him as an effeminate fool. Some Introductory Thoughts. “When a father washes diapers and performs some other mean task for his child. 22 In a review of Hoff Summers (unsourced). 44 19 Quoted in Christian Hoff Summers. Future Men (Moscow. a) Brain sex. b) Teaching boys to become men is a work of Faith. a. Sex-Change Society (London: Social Market Foundation. b. “One of the most overlooked arenas of violence training within schools may be the environment that surrounds athletics and sport. Italics mine. 2001) 24 Quoted in Melanie Phillips. director of the Boys' Project at Tufts University. Sex-Change Society.motherjones. 23 Conclusion.com/arts/qa/1999/09/faludi.Gloria Steinem’s solution is simple enough.

Pr. 5a) What to Teach Young Men to prepare them for Manhood. The Fools. 12b) 3. Week 1.9:7 –9. Biblical Characteristics of Masculinity. Using Proverbs: A Programme for Parents. 5 .6a) b) He is the source of knowledge and understanding (v. Refusing to grow up. Do Hard Things: A teenage rebellion against low expectations (Portland: Multnomah. whose masculine identity is embraced awkwardly. Future Men. ‘[Masculinity is] the collection of all those characteristics which flow from delighting in and sacrificing bodily strength for goodness. (Pr. (Pr. 1:7b) 30 A helpful book which challenges this is Alex and Brett Harris.crosswalk. The Mockers. 3 types of ungodly characters.c. if at all. Cf. a) A Definition.7: a) it is God’s gift (v. (Pr. 27 Raising Boys to Be Godly Men Ian Fry Children Desiring God Conference 2009 . An extended male adolescence marks the lifestyles. 2008) 28 Quote found on page 1 of an article which appeared on Albert Mohler’s Weblog as a 2-part series April 21-22 http://www. expectations. homo sapiens (i. 1:10 –enticed) 2. thinking man) homo adorons (worshipping man) B. 27 Al Mohler recently wrote.” 28 d) A further word on Education. 5b) d) it is founded on the fear of God (v. Vs. these young men function as boys well into their twenties--some even into their thirties and beyond. Attitudes: Teachability.’ What is wisdom? Proverbs 2:1-8. 1. 1:22 1.e. Future Men. and behaviour of far too many young males.’ 29 ‘Biblical masculinity is a willing control of strength for the glory of God and the good of others. “We now face the phenomenon of perpetual boyhood on the part of many males.) The ‘myth’ of the teenager. 6b) c) it is the knowledge of God (v. 11 30 This and the sections that follow are largely based on Wilson.com/news/weblogs/mohler/?cal=go&month=2&year=2005 29 Wilson. The Simple. 1-4 Vs.

2 vs. 23:22.3  vs. 23: 12-16 Week 2. Actions: Respect for Family. 5. 11-14  v. 5-6 Pr.23 o v. 1:8 Pr. Pr. 6: 26 & 29:3 Week 4. Pr. 19:26. 15-20 B. Pr. Pr.1  v. Pr. Key themes to emerge are:      Week 3.21 o vs. 15:20.Pr. Pr. 7-9  v. 9-10  vs.8  vs. A. 4:1-9:  v. Life Skills –Money. Pr. vs. Pr. Women and Sex. 22:4 28:6 22:1 11:25-26 22:9 28:27 25:14 13:22 6:1-3 Raising Boys to Be Godly Men Ian Fry Children Desiring God Conference 2009 . Pr. Pr. 3-4  vs. 28:24. 1:7-8 Pr. o warning about:  v. Pr. 20:20. Pr. 4  v. 31:1. 30:17 Pr. 29:15. 7: 4-24. 16-21 Pr.

13:4b. Pr.  Sexually pure –Heb.  A transparent and consistent life seeking God’s approval and smile. 6: 6-11. 5:21. 31 2. 7:24-27.  An uncomplaining spirit.Pr. Pr. 6 vs. 7-8 vs. 16:1. Pr. 16:9. Key themes to emerge are:  vs.  Non-materialistic –Mt. 6:38 for starters.  Patience in the face of adversity. 31 This is introductory. Raising Boys to Be Godly Men Ian Fry Children Desiring God Conference 2009 . 15:3. 14:23. 21:1. Matt. 9-11 Pr. 16:7.  Focussed on His life –calling –cf. 12:27b.21 ‘piece of bread’  v. 16:33.  A humble spirit. 19  v. v. 2. Teaching Doctrine: a Skeleton Programme for Sunday Schools. 28:19-22.  Respect for Family –Lk. Life Skills –Hard Work. Jn. Get Bruce Ware’s new book for more detailed help. Things to note are: vs. 4:15. 10:5a. Pr. The Omniscience of God (He sees all things). 21:2. 8:20. The result of living fully in the light of these will be:  Complete trust and confidence in God.51.  Hard working –Mark 6:3a. 10:4b.  Submitted to His Father’s will –a main emphasis in John’s gospel. 19:10 If one passage was to be used then consider Pr.22 ‘stingy man’ Week 5. The Perfect Man –Jesus. 19:21. 1. 23:4 Week 6. 2:41-51 esp.20 ‘eager to get rich’  v. The Sovereignty of God.

Excuse making. Another passage that could be studied is Titus 2:6-8. Respect for all-especially women and young women. Ignorance. A fighting mindset is part of living the life of faith. A hard working approach to everything he does. No continuity. 18:13a 2. Pr. 20:4 4.5:25) then that sacrificial way of thinking will not suddenly begin in marriage. 3. Care of all women will be necessary.com/blog/2006/09/the-marks-of-manhood-by-albert-mohler/ 32 33 These will often be corruptions of their God given role. 2. 5. 12:27a 3. Foolishness. Deceit. 22:13 Pr. Further Resources.frame-poythress. 10:26 6. Particular Temptations for Men. 1. enjoyment of appetites. 26:13-17 5. 1. Dependability.3. [full stop] while false masculinity will try to accept responsibility only for success.” 33 b) Self-reliance. Pr. Pr. If laying down his life for his wife is essential for the husband (Eph. 4. a) Excuse making. A willingness to fight to defend the weak.therebelution. Future Men.htm http://www. 5.org/poythress_articles/1999How. Pr. Genesis 3 32 “True masculinity accepts responsibility. c) Laziness. 22 Raising Boys to Be Godly Men Ian Fry Children Desiring God Conference 2009 . Young men need to view Christina young women as sisters. Some Key Practical Matters. leisure and money. Self-control in speech. Pr. Wilson. 21:5-6 4. Pr. It irritates. Two online resources can be found at: http://www.

Helpful Books. New York: Touchstone. Illinois: Tyndale Publishers.  Tremper Longman 111.  Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker.  Tremper Longman 111. 2002. 2004.  Joshua Harris. Books boys and young men should read.  Alex and Brett Harris. 2003. Point Man. Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship. Not even a Hint.  Christian Smith with Melinda Lundquist Denton. 2006. Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press. 2003. Downers Grove: IVP. 2005. Manly Dominion (in a passive-purple four-ball world). Proverbs. 2008. 2000. Commentaries on Proverbs. Future Men. Raising Boys to Be Godly Men Ian Fry Children Desiring God Conference 2009 .  Traditional stories with values of bravery and self. Cultural Background:  Nancy Pearcey. Idaho: Canon Press. Total Truth: Liberating Christianity from its Cultural Captivity. Soul Searching. Sex is not the Problem (lust is). I Kissed Dating Goodbye. New York: Calvary Press.  Joshua Harris. Portland: Multnomah. 2008. (The Tyndale Old Testament Commentary). Every Young Man’s Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real world of Sexual Temptation. 2001. 2001  Douglas Wilson. 2006. General Reading for parents and Sunday School teachers:  James Dobson. To understand the issues. 2002. Grand Rapids: Baker. Wheaton: Crossway.  Joshua Harris.  Joshua Harris. 2002. Portland: Multnomah. Portland: Multnomah. 2005.  Mark Chanski.  Christina Hoff Summers. Bringing Up Boys.  Steve Farrar. 2003. Portland: Multnomah. Portland: Multnomah.  Derek Kidner.sacrifice. How to Read Proverbs. Do Hard Things. New York: Oxford University Press. Portland: Multnomah. Downers Grove: IVP. Proverbs. The War Against Boys.

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