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THE SOUSAPHONE SECTION
GUIDE TO BEING AWESOME
BY: 2010 Sousaphone Section
In this guide you will find great treasures and tales of pure 100% awesomeness. Do not let this guide fall into the hands of evil. Always remember what Bob Evans said: “Nothing but perfection, from the sousaphone section!”
The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome
The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Table of Contents Rules of Tuba section ………………………………………………………… 5 Tuba Moves .……………………………………………………………………… 7 The Band Nerd/The Tale of Dinobot ………………………………… 10 Shouted Phrases ……………………………………………………………… 15 Getting Pumped Before A Game ……………………………………… 18 The Eating of the Banana ………………………………………………… 19 Music ……………………………………………………………………………… 20 Epilogue/Final Statements ……………………………………………… 3 .
The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Dedicated to Dave Mustaine. Dinobot. Bob Evans. and of course all member past. and future of the tuba section. 4 . present. Optimus McPrimal.
Be the best section and get pizza 8. There is porn of it 5 .The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome RULES OF TUBA SECTION 1. Regarding rule #9. REMEMBER HIM! 34. Do not listen to any rules 7. Hate flutes 11. Don’t talk about tuba section 3. Don’t take anybody seriously 5. Do as little as possible 10. Rule #4 does not apply if they are being serious 9. Be badass 13. Don’t get caught 12. Remember Dinobot. No Cursing… ‘seriously’ 6. FSU University (no typo) 14. Don’t talk about tuba section 2. Make assumations 16. Tuba section doesn’t exist 4. Don’t be a Vagina 15. Fight for Dave Mustaine even thought its always his fault 17.
Rule #4 states to take no one seriously but as rule #7 states that the rule does not apply when someone is being serious. (but never on a personal level) Rule #11: is you do decide to do as little as possible. Hell yeah! Rule #14 is in no way discriminating against women.” It was funny. This is obviously a contradiction. Rule #5: no one really gives a shit. Simple enough. Rule #10: always hate the bitchy shitty sounding pussy ass flutes. Rule #6 states not to listen to any rules. DO NOT be a wimp/pussy/tool/asshole/dick or beatings/rapings/torture/ridicule will occur.The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome EXPLAINATION OF THE RULES Rules #1 – 3 are the tuba section variant of the first three rules of the internet. Rule #9 says to do as little as possible. Rule #13 Fuck Shit Up University. but tuba section is not based on bullshit. Rule #7: be the best. Please do talk about the tuba section and spread the word of our supremacy. next to #11. they are a joke. Be the best section. This is paradox/contradiction as you will discover tuba section is full of bullshit. 6 . No matter what you can think of there will be porn of some sort on the subject. Rule #15 is a joke because a certain person could not think of the word “assumption” and instead used the non-existent word “assumation. Eat pizza. but don’t actually do this. This should come with the job. but is arguable the most important rule. Rule #16: Fight for him! (also make sure to pronounce it msTANE) Rule #17 Remember Dinobot! He died for us twice! TWICE!! (from the show “Beast Wars”) Rule #34: Good ‘ole rule 34. (although as a note this comes for the 2010 year when the tuba section was placed as the best section and was rewarded with pizza while everyone else had to do block) Rule #8 has already been explained. in due time you will learn when the rule applies and when it doesn’t. DON’T GET CAUGHT! Rule #12 states to be badass.
Bend at the knees in time with the music.The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome TUBA MOVES USED DURING CADENCES Tuba Humps Tuba humps are an essential part of cadence dances. then proceed to bring the sousaphone down while thrusting forward from the hips. (the angle is usually less than parallel with the ground) Knee Bends This one is simple. move the sousaphone around in quick.” Lifts Lit the bottom of the sousaphone. so the sousaphone is approximately parallel with the ground and perpendicular with your body. pivoting at the shoulder. essentially “humping” the sousaphone. While at the same time slightly bending at the waist. Circles While grabbing the sousaphone. Performed by simply rotating left and right at the hips “swinging” the sousaphone back and forth. Shoulder Flip Pivot the sousaphone sideways on your left shoulder until it is completely flipped so that the bell is toward the ground and the body is straight up. small “circles. Swings Equally as important as tuba humps are swings. The move is performed by pivoting the sousaphone forward using your shoulder as an axis. (used to carry the tuba for cool visual effect but isn’t the most comfortable position) Right Shoulder 7 .
Simply lift the sousaphone from where it rests on your shoulder and lift it over your head and onto your right shoulder 8 .The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Not really used during cadences. but is used to relieve weight from your left shoulder.
9 .The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome WARNING: The following story may be too cool for any nontuba section member to handle. Proceed with caution.
evil to the core Bent upon conquering the galaxy Thinks he can claim what he can see His treacherous crew had names like Inferno.The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome The Band Nerd The Band Nerd’s Tale There was a war long ago There are only a few who know It happened on this very planet When two forces landed on it The Maximals were the good guys Fighting greed. masturbation. detonation expert The comic relief when one is hurt Cheetor. another scout There is nothing she knows not about Each of these Maximals were important A variety of abilities were existent They were used against Predacons in war Led by Megatron. the fastest one Loyal until his lifetime is done Airazor. a true warrior Strongly followed a code of honor Tigatron. the very intelligent one Technology savvy and had a big gun Dinobot. and Quickstrike Plus Terrorsaur and Blackarachnia too Their creating calamity is nothing new Energon is the best to power war It’s what they came looking for The only thing that is in their way Are the Maximals. Tarantulas. saving the day Then one day the Maximals learned Of a golden disk with power burned Megatron had and used to see The future that was far and soon to be If wanted it could be used to kill If that is the owner’s will And knowing Megatron like they did From him Primal said “It must be hid” If it was in a Maximal’s hand (1a: Dinobot –Photo drawn by: Chris Bates-) There once was a band nerd With the loudest tuba to be heard He can blast scales F and B-flat Even on the electric bass that He plays like the great Cliff Burton There will never be one similar again The band nerd has dark thin hair Reaches down to his shoulders somewhere Average height and very thin Covered with pale white skin Blue jeans and a Megadeath shirt And tennis shoes yellow with dirt Important to the marching band he is in Leader of the sousaphone section He can tell funny jokes so insane But he knows when to restrain His section’s humor is very dirty Balls. theft. and lies They were led by Optimus Primal Fearless leader so very powerful Wisdom and logic over feelings Showed respect to even inferior beings He had loyal friends under him too I will name quite a few Rhinox. the quite scout Nature is what he knew all about Rat Trap. and a tuggie But he can also be very mature too Fixing problems he did not have to The band nerd told a tale of unity All he leads hear the story Working together to obtain perfection Is the goal of the sousaphone section If everyone plays their parts We will win the audiences’ hearts The tale tells of great wars Robots and those on all fours One depends too much on his own skills Instead of trusting what his leader feels 10 .
The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome There’d be less danger in this land Optimus thought hard and planed Assigning task for his battle ready band The plan was a great offensive storm If each part’s Maximal performed But Dinobot was filled with anger The early humans were in danger So he disobeyed Primal’s order He went across the Predacon border His emotion circuits were red hot Megatron he would allow not To cause the world anymore harm Held his sword parallel to his arm Asking “Is your metal ready to be bent?” Dinobot was so offended by the dare “A warrior still” he said with a glare He jumped before Quckstrike’s answer As fast as Cheetor could move. he noticed fire The situation was dire Predacons were burning the trees Early humans fell to their knees With the disk. his job was finished There was nothing more the spiders could do Now to deal with Megatron too (2a: Megatron -Photo taken from the internet-) As he walked.” But Dinobot was a quick thinker He knew how to dodge danger Going behind Blackarachnia he went And bullets their way were sent By Tarantulas’ merciless rapid fire gun The fight with Blackarachnia was done So the he-spider was the only one left Dinobot punched his chin’s cleft And though his energy was running low His sword still gave the final blow After which his internal computer complained “This violence can’t be farther sustained Stop now. on his own About the time it became night Quickstrike was the first to fight Using all the evil in his Spark Quickstrike lunged from the dark Forcing his fist into Dinobot’s back Dinobot could not attack His sword was far from his grip No other weapon at his hip Then of course Quickstrike started mocking “What’s a warrior with no weapon for fighting?” Then said more with his southern accent (2b: Blackarachnia –Photo drawn by: Chris Bates-) Megatron was only cycles ahead Increasing the number of the dead Found him talking to his self as usual Thinking that he was so cool Noticing Dinobot’s courage early He trapped an early human firmly Threatening to blast its brain End the future human reign Which he saw with the disk of gold In his hand with a firm hold Dinobot tried to steal with force Even with a low energy source His earlier fights had drained him His internal computer warned him 11 . have your energy replenished” Dinobot did not care. Megatron saw this Humans ruling the world he claimed his The plan was an obvious one Eliminate his enemy while having fun Didn’t even try to use his gun Let the fire take father and son So executing the offensive all alone Was Dinobot. I swear And he crushed the Predacon’s metal As if it were a frail flower’s petal Next was Blackarachnia and Tarantulas They told him “You can’t handle us.
arm. but also mix With the greatest of Cybertron He saved the locals from Megatron We shall never forget his tale Never will our memories fail” Then while everyone listened A lesson to learn Primal mentioned “Dinobot was a great warrior But this cost he need not suffer If the original strategy ran If we stuck to the original plan We would not have had to say goodbye Dinobot didn’t have to die Everything I do is for a reason Every detail found within my plan We have to stick together always No one really knows the future days Together we operate our best This whole war has been a test I’m well aware of what you can do I also know how to use that too I am the leader to whom you report Anywhere. I have not lied The Director is the brain of the band We are the body. and hand Using his observance and experience Also his superior musical sense Without him we are with no directions Independent people in our sections The parts of the body can’t act alone Nor the skin or the bone We need the director to enlighten 12 .The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Stasis lock is now inevitable This is to be your last battle Dinobot thrust his sword forward Megatron reacted stepping backward Then he shot the sword away Quite convinced he had won that day But Dinobot could improvise Merging stick and stone he realized He could assemble a hammer Using the resources nearer The hammer smashed his enemy Megatron won’t have the victory Out of his hands came the disk of gold And Dinobot did something so bold He used the last of his energy Sacrificed his life for victory A final beam of energy from within Was used so the Maximals could win Dinobot destroyed the golden disk Even with his life at risk As Dinobot lie down dying The Maximals came flying Optimus Primal and the rest Landing to a sight they detest A fallen comrade down alone Everyone’s faces hardened like stone He lived a warrior and died a hero But why did he have to go If they worked together They could have won for sure Not only that. in or out of our fort” (3b: Remember Dinobot –YOU BETTER!-) (3a: Optimus Primal –“Our fearless leader”-) A eulogy Primal had to give Because Dinobot would not live “May his spark join the Matrix We can learn from this story I’ll explain so you can see To the marching band this can be applied No don’t laugh. leg.
but I never told him Use your names to remember the tale Like Optimus said do not fail Now think back to our Band Camp days Remember Bob Evans and his phrase Remember the truth he had said The words I’m blessed to have in my head Nothing but perfection From the sousaphone section! (4a: No one will truly comprehend the awesomeness of this picture. no one is sad Tyler Blankenship is dark and sexy So Blackarachnia is what he will be Justin Pile is now Airazor. do as he instructs Remember Him Sousaphones I give a new name No one is to be the same I am now called Dinobot The name Eric Yohe is not Rhinox is your name Matt King For your technological understanding Chris Bates is now Tigatron Because he is the quite one Zabo you are to be Quick Strike For being so southern like Since Noah Daroshefski wants Tarantulas bad That’s fine. . I’ll tell why later Optimus McPrimal is the name of McCollum I think he knows. so it is a yes Of this decision I am sure Aaron Doyle is now Cheetor Everyone knows the reason for Matt Meyers becomes Rat Trap and There are others in the band Kevin Hickman and Daniel Vieth or The Predacons Megatron and Terrorsuar Brandon Lou is a Pred called Waspinator Jake Moles is Rampage.NO ONE!-) 13 . I guess He says okay.The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Each song our understanding brighten So surrender your independent thought Do your part and success will be brought The time for fun as always erupts But for now listen.
The rest is silence.The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Take a moment of silence and remember Dinobot. the ill deeds along with the good and let me be judged accordingly." – Dinobot’s Final words 14 . Tell it truly. "Tell my tale to those who ask.
15 . Some prime examples: DINOBOT! Sousaphones . and sometimes offensive phrases during football games.The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Shouted Phrases It is not uncommon for the sousaphone section to shout funny.signifies a ‘call – response’ phrase.HAVE BIG BELLS!* Football! – Sports!* Tigatrons Balls! Dave Mustaine – FIGHT FOR HIM!* We’ve got balls! Girugamesh! * . weird.
Phrases usually just happen naturally. those are usually the best. ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ 16 .The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Come up with phrases we strongly encourage you to write your own here.
The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Continued from previous page ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ 17 .
flutes. especially if they are on flags.Ridicule anyone who tells you to stop. or trumpet section -make the thing to shout something funny 18 . To do so gather the section in a circle jump up and down (make sure the sousaphones are on at this time) yelling and shouting then one person will shout something to yell on three such as “hands in!.Make sure everyone is in the circle . THREE!” then the rest of the section will shout “TWO!!” while throwing their hands up. drill team. TWO!. Tips .The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Getting pumped before a game Before a game starts it is tradition to get the section pumped up. TWO ON THREE!” The person will then count off “ONE!.
The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome The Eating of the Banana The eating of the banana before a game is a divine right passed down from year to year to the most experienced member of the sousaphone section. Now chew and swallow. If anyone tells you otherwise show them this and tell them that Eric Yohe and Matt King will personally come and grape them in the mouth. The tradition is to take the banana after everyone has touched it and peel it from the bottom (very important). Fist offense –They must rub the belly of the one who ate the banana. You will then proceed to deep throat the banana as far as you can into your mouth and bite it. Use your imagination 19 . Second offense – the offender must stick their finger into the anus of the holder of the divine right. (Luckily this has not happened of no one remembers the number of times they forgot) Third offence and beyond – No solution has been come up with. If anyone should forget to touch the banana and you have already eaten it then there are different measures to be taken.
but need to know. 20 .The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Music Here are the two songs you will never get music to.
The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Fingering chart This might help 21 .
And remember Bob Evan’s quote “Nothing but perfection. Remember to girugamesh to the right. Never fall to the section that doesn’t matter.The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Epilogue/Final Statements To all sousaphone section member of the past. Remember Dinobot. take this guide and use it to remain the most badass section. and future. not the left. from the sousaphone section!” (How to giuramesh correctly ^) 22 . and fight for Dave Mustaine. present.
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