Shadows.

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~8DDI,a aDd .,.AlleOli.D·Vo, Ale" ®2006

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Ryan Olson ,and ba,vlid IFlreeburg

"' edi":r-s

hero@gonzaga.edu

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Who are, ws" ,a,nd 'What are we heref,(!l~l'

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This is the ,quest.,on 'we ,attemptt,o answer lin t~~

pagestha,t fOnOiWi~ We 'are the students" t6G'~r , ,and friends of Gonzaga University. this .eom¢,r~,

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tion, spculsored iby IHERO, tells our' ,stor,ies,.' \~:

_ ., ,In.S~'ftte ~Gses,.sodety de~in~ u~ b~f~~,., we get IQ chGlll~ce tOI do ,It ourse~. we f6,U vncti\tn.' t

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stereotyp,es droiw,n foo tightly,. lihis ,collrectioni~~~

our attempt to' redefinls ,oulrse!lv~s, to, dQimQ"i~1J

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o~f our own cho~osin.g,., We wanit ,our' liv,es back. V/f,

wGnt our schoolll,our homes, and Q,qr famHiesb~,

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. In iPrursuit of this p'urpose, theedif,ors ~{(t

this ,collectiion ha¥,e chos'en, ,Qvoriety o,f submi~(~n thot reftect~ 1M, lies 010 wi.;vari,ety of seJ(umJ~j

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; : ~.dQl;fR.,~Jtt~., ;1ihQug;b semc of. us .ely st\are,g, comfit' "

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cuilture".f\lo~tQ:a, Qft,~n W~, s:htl'#ts,-p,le. misuncle,~~ \

Sitcrlrtdlb19 i,..~~¢.d., !Bqt,.a' thre8~1 \Unites us, and Iwe)1

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iin¥it,e you to foHlew fhll'$, thr,ea:dwhere itteods, ·i'

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throiug1h st~les of filctliorlpof fact, of poetry GR~~' f

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!M,emolry. ':f

;':' ~;n ,~, Ir:ecdor' !cpe.ted,ach of them i~~:~

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t!r'ue in the sense'that the" desclribeour realitles~ 1/,

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136) 'r~~~~ Au, AU, Anna -Sophia Zingarellt 137)'". 'aetas 'WeD R!oman /mila

.~ ~r Take: Reman Imlia

1 ~ 8) ~, , : Galntt Grieb

140J-~"'''u ml;e,ofQdeBDriesA,tl Orr

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141) :~~qeIess JeJlBavee

1441 Y~t~u:p_ /!Ja,e Freebllrg

1461 v."~~= "Stlbe,PoodR.CowQIJ

1481 '. lIom,o,llobia Affects, Straigll,t People Ryan Olson

I ~~]1 : "_\3HSimon Zachary -

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look wifhin yourself, dee'per ....

here Iam .

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gay, or not.

straight, maybe?

Bri ' Chinehor

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T:iteir eyes were wotehirt!t us ~ Every movementteve",~remth,

AU our .trengfhs:QRd Qurweaknesses. What they s~ is how they see us. What they wi'U see is how w,e see us. Their eyes ~re watching' US"

We shalt not give -them· Q show,

We shan give them: the truth.

Bob~y AClWUns

Your lost dr,eams?

I ceuld be your new hope ... if youaUow me.

Look at mel

I know that we are one.

Open yo'ur eyesond s'ee the fruth'

..... se6 me., Who are you?

When I look. at you,. why am I ashamed?

Never Qgoin shan I walk In the I,ightof ignorance,. Seeing: only what is shown

To me'through open windoW5of Assum:pt'ions GAd neg li:g enee, Never again sholl the

Guiding hand of intolerance Lead my life towards

The happy goolls Q·f Indiffs'rence and injustic:e.

l-et me'w,afk inti. the wol1

Of acceptanc~,. and crack my head Oncewpon the hardness of:

Truth and, col1lpassion.

I. win throwaway my Ufe into Dangers of unde'rstcllnding'l

And fall into the abysmal realm love end Fairness.

5

He,re smy problem~ I cannot be goy eno,ugh .. I

sty'le. If 'he hype is trueabo,uf the sexual continuum I dDn~ fi 'into_cantin ,mo,f Gftythi,ngJ Try as I might

.

gays notice I. 'm 65 bei"'g ·(meot them.." I do'nft dress t e ~ " t

do"~t gef excited about goss'ip, welt about who ... is- ,itn,:,~ .lnrn··jW,

Q ... stut Gffldhc--kas-herpes and hO's-o-huge ... bitch. NQ , thank, )'6U. My favorite -goy" thing to ,do lis ... brace your ~: . 'I gossip magoZi'rteS that mc:dice up the insane stories that em ~J .{tI v poss·b'e.t 'Iove those stories: ClAd some o,f the doctored ,llf' ,

where do they ~t .that cropi' It alwoys GI1IQzes me tho .~] u" alily get a.fiI¥ .th n'l MGybe that·s' at ru do' somedoy; 0 IIf s,tor,ies about ,peo,ple I dOn"t even kno 111 f~gnGfe ,~~~, t.

. . .

Alice is cool. She is the on'ly 0 e at our' high seh" Q he

Q minute.. She ditched her friends for .. e, Although, it dckl",if she had much to lose doing t'hOlt. I dOln t know hat it is h:6U~m • one no,ticces~.1 guess that's been myprobtem a:1~ ·'01 myi Iljflt",~tn ~e nels, oft ,50.1 never haed the time to !l)open, up'''' and "'ge, cl3!r \' "

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in m, atmos,ere .. - My mom~s wor'k. moved 'her around CIllot.· '~j III , 9,OO~s,ort.,Urtit. He rc:d:sed me .. I blame him for my inob "1' II I I guess ,b,ome sho,uf~n'tbe the 1IlJ'd; most gays wo~I'dn't ,. Q I ~i I,

JawtomQticaUy pfa~edQs} ,. goy ... • Or se I hear .. I don't unders J • h

. \ Gt~s wra; g ·wlrth b.eing' ,identi,fied by what you are? I'm n. fied' Oh. ·.ait, my ,oot ,can·ide.n,tify me .. I think i,t's becau:se so'ur:ce'of food. ,and ,offectlon.Awesome .• my Ute is import n,

A oat named Mr. freckfeslMy parents she Jd not have let f

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me ... amecm eni,mol th~t would be ,around h.en las old eno

th.art the !nG'B 'CIS stupid. Shoulqn't t,~enom.e have been Qt .. smig ,t guys Nt· lie ttleir eats things liike: Tig.er? Shad:o'? IKur·IJJ((I!" (lll)ctiusedt

- A lot of my 'problem is the only ,child thing. A 1.0' .. 0, ,

spentolone .. orwifh "the cat. What 'II geed companio:n. rm, I .

'can even talk. stupid fucking CGt • Sorry, ItI am ,an adal'aseent , displacing his ange.r onto an ,object that is na,t ,responS,ibte. .0'

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---.S·elf

in,gs~" My th'etttplstlS eth'fe SQ;ver. He's the only other person (are you Q peirson~)'that knows aU t:he'crap fhafrun, thro!ugh my heed. I ,never told Alice that I W45i f1lef'ilPy:I Wonder-where she thinks I learned to·li,sten, or gw~"a4Vi_.HAt Tilct's right; I give her advicel Talk about the LAST ,per_" sheshQJuld be ,getting 'Bdvlj,ee frotn-a crazy gay guy that ¢Qft'te.v~lfte paril·le the part? This is Q funny story though:

- ': . She w. tettitlg mellbaat· some issue with her boyfriend, who, to' !be hef't8$l.r.fthodr·$:6eR' htttingon some sophomore or'Gther nonnamed.:Ull~smGn:~~i This IS neither here nor there#but still, part of the story. ~'t>o.'~ma.di6 gorse.u$ too, the type of guy that as soon as you ~'ee Ih:fm: YiQJ,t kritew'l1e"s ,an asshole. IBu~tfh'Qt ma:kesyou want to t(d~ 1'Q bbn i(Jril:ti"~t,lds ~tttmtion.Selieve Me, I tried. I failed. So I she's askin, ,m" .¥It,a* t'9. ~G Qbourt a fight ,thay had and I was listening and my

respoR'S. t.~?,;r' ~er ·~eli. I lo .. ve him $000000 much and I, just.k".OW that w~ ~.ft ~~.th~9h th'lS and stay together and get married eventUQllly .• j)IQhb~~~ishW~bblah· I repeated WOR[)~FOR-WORD'whQt my thetapirsttoll:d me in",o~r: ~slio", the p'revious day; ·WeU, you needt,o thinkabQt:tt y.~. YilU f,irs>t # *het will satisfy you? 'What will make you

.. , - .. \, .

happy?' Whct~ ~,dd,~~best foryo:u?' You have to be very honest and

• _ ~. ,~ •• IJ.

tbink about yo!~r .fufur' •. You ar,e ,II $,ef'lliolr cmdcan,nqt getoQught u~p in

e~otion; it will sway yo'ur th~n,k!n9:J NO\1 my therQIJist was giving me that. Qd~i~ce. be~use of t'!l¥ tendency to go for ride-a-Iongs with my an'Sler' •. Mostlly anger 'tlr. ~~f for bot be,iiltg ,alb lie to. OWl" u.p end telll my parents that I om 9;~~ My therapist thinks that if I ~atne out to them I would~'f'ind'lt ~ier t~ fit jcn fo the gay community. I hove to admit

. that"1 thinl< shC!'s fullt Gf c,r~p. How ,could s!he'<!know IQlnyway? She W,IlS >-'never G 9~Y,' neye~ '0 9~Y, pr~ably ne~~ a 17 y~r aid either. It's all

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buf'~hit.Alice loved it thougll. "OMlGOD CHARLIE YOU ARE 5.000

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. - !RIGHTIIi hell" Ir,eactiori~ ,airway. ,ciro,cked me 'up. She broke up with her

tioyfriend lafer-thoT night. Toftf",e ri9ht'~fter,I wonder if she had Q

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Af\YO~s wcu'fd, pass,righ,t over him. Average everything,. Im'ag'ine, liilviftJ that Ufe!: H~ir color: brown .. , H(ll'ir type:

WQVY; but too sher" iro notice., Eye coler': brown; sometimes h:caet Height. ,6' f ~n Q, lood d:GyJi\fleigh.t: 180 I'bs. It lot of eyes passedov,er'him" evet1, mine. When I first met Charles I 'Ieoked t&r:eu§h him. I ·fomked th;rGugh hiis sm1,Ie BAd past his

" teR eyes. I ,even aaw,tk~uJJh hi,s spine, hils SPINEl I do' rerne'mher 'what he was: WeGf'ing that d", fhough,! hts outfits Itsve cdways beet\ memo'H~fe., A blue orang,.,,and green vern .. ad s$ri,ped shirt, ,bta~k jec;rAS ensl D:t:aeklEtlIRls" with Q bl'ue 'E."1o:ekifl911btlCk iit WISROJta speciel ourtfft,(iIt edt

We met thrQugh PhYSiCS, lab;Elftners ·our senior year. I later fouh,tl out t1tClt he had juSt trcmsferroo,&tJ.t at 'G',school wifh the 'enormity 'Of ours. you Just ·coufdnlf keep

" "track of stuff 'tike that. I hadother'thlt1gs going 'on in, ray nfe anyway, Charlces was Just one of thos:e people'yoa meet and expect thetft to be a dead e.nd. He.waS no,thi,hg special. c.

I ren\em~ one tIme r app'roaeheel him during Itlnch. to osk him (i questio:n caboUf' our PhYSics' fest the foUowj,ng, period and he WGS fll,Ping through a trashy magazine. You know the tYPe~, ttle OfleS' 'that get pictureS' of celebrities at their-best (and worst) ~ftd mdke up stories Qbout their lives . . SO~AND~SO 'HA.S BEEN :tMPRE~A TED BY AN ALIENl

LO'6f( AT THE COLOR OF :~ER ~Y" Co~et~ ~ith d'o:ctored'"hotti 'Gfthe;it:ldi,vid~1d who waS reo1lfyJu8t "ttiftg it cdl'~09 out .;,.AflYwa;'~ he didn't see me QppN~chift9 ,be~use

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" .~ ~~1:tY,lint~,wh~tever: story they were'~4hher,i,n9on

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. a:b~ut. ~ pok(5.d furt~ of. C9·ur~e. What surprised me most WQS

• .'.: • • ." _ ... '.~.' _ • !1 ~ ." (

h. resp~".·Hev, cefpmbas_have p:rQbfetns too!."t like

',' ~ifl§ peepte pM;btsl1\S: the ~Ore ~Gbl~:,I know t~ mOre probt1ems I am fi)(.": Pretty deep' mnd coring stuff cOh\-

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ling from ,Q guy that si,ts olon,e ,at ilunclh. I b:ruslhed lit off and preeeeded wilth my quest,io,n.I hove to adim'j,tCharl'es did have aU the right answers when iit ,came to .PhYSlics.

Sllowly" I s,tart.ed t,ellll'iRg, Charles things that I didn't expec,t would .flowoult of my mouth ,and inito his eers, Things Ilke: my ""otlle"s abusive judgment of Imy style, "'¥' dad's obsassio'n wlith cars Q,nd'no~ Ihis famUy, problems .. ·thot Irhad 'approaching' guys. The I'ast ,one, struck him es odd. ~ou have G pJ'I'oblem approQchling' guys? You're

. talking to me!' lcould,n'f t,ell him how' lit ~QS different; he hadn'" come out to' me yet, .. I did'n'f wantt,o let him Iknow that! knew that he was 'gay. That would be beyond rude. The onl:y basel had for tlhatoaumptian was h,is no,n", interest in the hot girlsiin our el'os's" wih'i,ch was based off of Manyconversofions during Ilunch (1 ev:entually trolns ... ferred-my seat" to keep him company at lunch everyday). Als,o', during our dQlily riflling thro.u,gh the gosSlijp magaz;jines, he 'woul~" :oilwcys .,ll.Ise long:er'on the, pag;es that $howed ,off the male oeleb:riti,es" Ibodies" I ,always \J(i1ew it' wGs,n,'t for'my benef!iteither.

Sarah 'Vito

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Sect;i·en,ORe - Found O~Jeet.

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"Ghet .. to (g' e f 0 ) R. pi. ghet· fos or ghet· toes:

l. A sect'ion of G city occupied by Q minority group who Ilive there eSi.ech~I;IitV betolJse of soc1i,ot 'eccnotnic, or legal pressure.

2 .. An ·often welled .q:U.art-erin Q, european ci1y to which lrews: W~ restri¢.ted beglfl1n,ing:in! 'he Middte AgBS~ Some hitl!): t~t ,resemhl~ the: ;restri·cfion o.r iso,iction of

. Q city IgJ!1ettQ,.;'

Dictionary .co:m

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,Section Two .. lAbels

otf9lnafI1~ I thought of submi,tting' 0 kind of Queer Manifes~.' Jlnex:oafi'ptr of my ,o:rig;ilno1Ii a)l~cep't foIJlJws ... ,~:@n b,.t:e:dtity ...

That is to SQy th~. is not a politi'cal statement for or of the whole body of theoU"'encomposs1i,ng GlBTIAcommu .. nity 0)f which I am only G. This is not even about G, but rather' th!is manif,eBt,o' lex): in term's ·ofGLBTIA would ratJmJ' be semat-hin, lib:

')(' :;~TIA -LanA ... my humanospects GAd im'per'f:ec ... tiOIA. - streight world infused stereotypes tket the goy cOJUmunify ASS: come to accept + whatever the hen there lis tl\GtiS ,a. s1'ereotype about me .. whot,ever aspects thot fUrther- deduct me furt1ter from G andpJate me in an ~nrely dl,ffe~nt equation. 50t nevermiflld,~ fer 4ny mere <ausstians refer to· su~btitle ..

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----- Outof the -Shad,ow_

---Self

5ectisnThree - An _!\ntonym Haidies Candle

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Wif~UClm Haidu

set h,is table for thr,ee Sunday ,is Q night for famiUeshi\s¥ivien 'and theirCloltre-

Q 'booster seat-

(Theyo,llways wanted her to see <comp,lete equQ!lity Ifn families)

It's not that our WiJlia,m iHaides did not know they were not three. He !knewof equaJ state i,n famillies. He' knew his 'Vivien and' their CI'oire were tost ,in othet' sedts ..

(The wind and snow made it ,i~mpossible to see on that Christmas Eve vi,s it to family)

,So the1ir -Will'i'GI1\ Haides set his table for three, 'knowing he 'was a candle _fRr· Vivien Gltd Claire. ,He t",ok his seat.

,(He wan,ted t'hem, t,C) see oom,plete soli1darffy in .t,Gfe)

Jon Corrigan

11

lihis smUe, my ,mask.

Its reason why don~t you ask?

Or as I'm, floating o·n, cdr, You just simply don't care Thatts the,truth is if not'

I know garn.ing your Interest is oskin.g a lot If you did maybe y~u~d know,

Of how it's just so'me big show

. To keep "'~ safe froln your pity Because what ,ood would it do?

None of jlt ever did

Yet· you stU~ wonder' why I hid' My true state ,of mind Where Ino on.ewilt find, Burying me in depression and strtfe Untn r end my ,own life~

. On that day y'ou~i'nd me dead Will vau,reCl~i'ze how' much I bled? , Just to· hold ,on..one tpaf,e day IOut··,af :$Orne pClfheticn:eed to stay

,Cj,o,S't, to' that ideal,o,f hope

Oh God, n'G IGAler tkisworld CoQt1i I cope.

S,iAce heme of . l' m.entls 0 damn".

No,r'wiU yauknow Who I (Ita" that ~b did the sins

As my nome ~i:S:qP1~rs' into the wind. ~"be yo-u sh~u.d have asked, What went Oft "bah 'nd the MQsJk.

Anonymous

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O'ut 01 ~h,. Shadow'

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style silli

Jewish Inclmive Life

Compassion StNggle

Pain Homosexual!

Moving Po'WUful

1 Sassy

Birds

Defiant

UD-useful Buttons

Purpose

Grief

Sticken

Pnmchlg anc AsylUms Existential

. s· .

nage: tones

Bright Hated

Kindness Expansive "

lies

MeaningfulSeditious Protests

Goddess Ancient

Enellt

AddicdonGotgeo\JS Tacky

the least Dangerous P~e.~

Boston .. Mar-

the Other caring

Fabulom

Pruity

Filth Out Dark Despair Rape About

Diso6Dtent

Gospel Unwanted f'medom

Affuming Uncoaditional

Bashmg Weii'd

Activist Rage Faees

Explosive ·()dd Oppression

Plags ~g

Fashion. unusual

Silence Underground

Counter-ocultum[ Jesus Snange Song Buddhism

Pcetty Ridicule Beads People

Hypocrisy .Daring ._Isolation De'IIiI Ho~phobia . Glitter Gymdvs

Waiter WIShes Boutique Dnum

Passionate Mantra

Tasteful

Family

MUrder

Feathers

Princess

VaudeWie Queen

Fear

Black

Unease

Magic

Latin

Signs PasSWDms

Mysterious Sex

Beautiful Fighting Tempting

Folk

Creepy Racism.

Danciug Real Tattoos

E)'eS Stockings Actress

Stilettos

o,umge

Lights

Peacock ~ Galas

Dacha., Shame Tongues

Violenee . OU1~fi. ·Saaed Jazz

·.BGhemiaD

Rainbows . Coffee

Broadway MIF

C"caI Wh' G· . .....:II...Ii1- Trlc_·_k·

~ .. ' ore - estures WV.U~,

Elegarlt 'TholightfulQuiche

PIOI!Jiem Gtay' Tea .

Tears' Cawboys

Sissy 1breit Pat _ Pre~Op

Ditty dmm

Erotic Social

Desire FJamiBg

Purple Eccentric:AUiaace

Tf4JlSCCndemDolpQin

Culture Shimlne.ring TmnssextW

Loud

Tarot

Sensitive

Fancy

Streets

h! •

nercmg

Tmnsformative

CorOlS .

Joking Fuzzy

Smiles

, .

KnoWing Sophisticated

Ro~e Hungry

Sistethood 'Glamo-ur

SIwp

Piamo

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Strong

Gay

Confusing History Language Oitical

Pamy

Fantasy

Michael Gleason

13

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thl a.' is o· r ray of showing, the orld hat the world looks like. 5,0·, the,n' this lis, Imy' self"portr,Qit.and w,D,rds, are my clay.

Each of lIS has a story. a ser"es of th£ fhing$ £ hQV£ d_ and ,"",pi - j hove llmow,R that has guided oar Uves, II'ea:ding! 'us to' become ourcur,rent selves. To, 't

know who Q perso'ft IJ"eQl y ,is you need to' ow· their story. As yOU' may already k f

I am, QCClllltti,ous' person wbol ,risks Uttfe. without Q. reason. The last few years I h J V. ' come to know andfove many of you; CI.ndI have been honored to learn your .storl ' and pfay Rrf own smafl rele lin yo • r 0 '1I'ite history.

l

, ere are n12' 'nstructions for hat I'm, d'oing,oday. no guide to tell m ' )

w:hQt to soy 'or whGt.1 to do •. I Qln", shOW' you whY,.' . I ~~ to' wri,te this letter .. for' • I1lthough yo an playa: rofe ,.~ my $'to,,!« th~re ~re hrnlts t,o how wen I_can show you ~ who I em The purpose of tkfS dler IS quite snnpfe, to ten you that rm gay, but ~ otker thGn: that, I really do,n'tknow' what else tOe soy_ }

If YIIU. 5_ ......., of tfIe ,"",P, £ ... have criticimd _ behind my bad< ~ to myfaee, simply wish to lbe left slOne, then stop.reading this letter, for you knGW\t enough to lead arry sort of sheltered fife you $0 desire. r.

However. I have orne down time these dG.)"$', so' if you're inter~ted, I ' It do my best to introduce tislast hidden part of rnys(df, so that yen" can now truly " understam:ll the r,o!le you,my friends~ have played lin myo11! stery. As'foU can gu t '1 'e he' er fel: ike I qcUite fit inl~ eve1'" fetft comfor(lbl~ with many of the paop·

I encoun,tered. ;r dliJn~ know when never began. but I knew I was goy before I left \

eJemenhIry sdtool. ": .;

"Ifyou~~e Rot ~~igiOUS. yOUi lmay not be oble t,o uRdep~tGnd the feeling' yo'ul get from t, e knowledge t ~ "at you are ~"'in the iMAge o,f God However, for m ,« ski crt litltl'e gay kid •• hlls knowfed'ge . mead's eU the diffe~ce. '~~ple I knew, peepl did·'t know, people told me I was gains. 0 hall without knowing the hell they had otreo.dy put me hhiUg.h. Beiqg gAy sucks, matter whot ge you are, b for many rears it s~med Ili:ke I ,W~S ~Gln'y Sue 'personl Gut th~l'Ie, the 'O,.nl;v: person who knw' that I wa&h:t ~, willSh·' clnfwsed~ wasn't capabJe o,f. being, st4!C1ight. Qnd of

Q01(JjSe.~ the. only p.e~s.rml w,i, knew fAaif' I W8' goy. I need to tell' 'VlJ that I did not ·choose tD be gsy, «net· t~ I CQrrne' be .-Aigkf. I tf'Jed' to be straf'ght. believe:

"'l Cls'kii'God t. :' ke me strGight. ' d IoskBd: .. ¥ frieftd to thi,nk I was straight,

" .. " "ut it dIdn'f IIJGIk~'Ql diffel"leJ!lce. I I'earned t'halt I cGnn~t hide fr,e:rn ~ei'n9 gar, I can't ., dUlrtjB the fact that I Qnt FY. Asa middle: school student, I leoJ'neCif that in Gil nrenr}f, I. was nGlt .the one w' :0. WClS esnfused, not the one,w:R-O misunderstood God's plan for me. I kAow what '(#oclwonts from f1t8, who I am supposed to be, end where

14

\

---Sail'

my life journey is supposed to lead me. God made me this' way for CI reaon, Gnd the oin"ypossible reason is to teach those of you who misuse ,and abuse His word to stop hating on_.the leGst of His children.

r WGS. given basic gifts, the unique qualities'that define me as a hu,moh being" Gnd GDd simply wants me to use them to the best of my Clbility. If God had wanted me f,~ be sf.r,aight, (s)He wouldhClve mode me that way. Instead (s)He made me gay, because (s)'He wants me this way. God didn" want my lif,e to be as easy (Ill- I wented, didn't want me to be CIS, co.refree es I wanted. Pe,rhapsGod wants me to come out tonight so that I can teach you aittle bit more about what it means to be human.

'I 'am, ho-mosexuClI~ and nlost U~ly you are heterosexual. Beyond that, it's not Q, big, ,deal. I am exactly who I was yesterday, and the dmy before" and before, baclk to the first day you caned me d frfe.nd. I am aim ply a Jrttle more angry than you imagined. I'm angry because weJI- . taRing people: fmve taken' what should, be 'holy andsQ'Cred ,o'nd used God~s words to' harm Goers ueations" I'm angry because the world tells Me I shouJ.dfl't fall in fove. rm angry beCause politicians whb have never met me use my weakness tlS.G tooll.to ge":'more votes, use my. sanctity as a person to pursue thei,. own agendas. rrn angry because when I w4nt to 'get married, I hove to flind ,Q wmy to, get ,eve.rysingle person on,my gueSt list to Massachusetts. I'm angry because the world told me I had to lie to my best friends, told me I couldft~ 'iau.gh-at wheat I found funny, couldl1't smfle at what made me

. 'happy, coulClil'if thrive :at what I do ,best. The world has told me I can" be me, and it mak'eS me kind of angry.

, '

I WQS a good'straight perIO",. In a funny way, I'm proud that most

of yo~. thought I was straight. However. if 4$k~ abetlri' the worst part of tl~na gay, wh~part offltecloset _com,pI8~~ a trl1gedy,' perhQpcs it is this:

. When I ~ccOmp1ished things that show1d have been s~l, I ~ ~d' ,everY day had to ask,f I could have done the 54me things had people known the truth "bouf me. Could I have had ClrI\ning friends, jf they had known the true me1Wbutd 1 hcwe been re-spectedby Strangers, if they ~Qd knoWft

the true me? -

I dan', want to make. this pmrt of my letter .ut any G~~n9 me, , but I'., be franik.Whe~ 1I Q~!ked tw. t~ousQnd fi_f myhi,h sc:~(!)~1 elus'rncltes

, t'O m<lke me their student ~ody president. would they have agreed to my ireqUest, if fhey had ,enl), knew';? Would my ,classmates havenomil1C1t,ed me as Student of the Month, would my teachers have called Me Student of the

15

$.If---

Out O.ttt..

-~ . .

Quarter ",would I have been chosen Student of the Year three times, if

,

they' had ,only ~nowin? Th~ ,.nswer m this world is 10. ThereCl~e things I

wanted to do, 'G'Rd th~ ,only way I could do them W45 to Ii,s. I wanted' to have friends, I waRted t-e 9" to my promi' I wanted to be QCtepfed os G team .. mote and. cbssmate with something to e-onil;ri : ute. So I lied. dnd millions

., .

olf my' brothers and sisters liedvvith f1i8.. We did ws'a' we had to do,. be ..

cou_ sodety wouldn~t let 'IiIS do wheat ,re. wanted to d,. We nodded when asked if we foun.d (I girl Gttr4dive~ we'Clughed if told G boy WQS Q queer I and ",o,st Qf us Ih",.d GLWsdves fer domg i.

Let It\e ,explaiin myself iJl another way. Hope.fuUy your pl'le-existing experience with _'demcnstrates thllt gay people differ in many ways frorn My ~er~CG:I r.fit)t. Wha:t net TV S~(lI~ hG$ totd YOU; what no comedian has Iridicuted,W:~at no. ;u.se of J!?eQ~ln QQn Ir'B.veal', is wk.' 'wetr,uly share. The

. a_If e$seflti.1 ccirnP~ento.f.fhe 9~~,erien:ce is ,our; f~r. As individual's

we l'n!IY fe.ar, sf" clers~ W4r$" or pat Roberts,"" 'bUt ~e are aft afraid (tf you, o·ur best f,.~e"d$~ndperf"t 6t~'ns~cf:"s. We shar.~the simple.but terrifying #eoithClt y;~,n:i!.ot4r ."'ami,tyGnd flrienCils r. wlnl, st~p' ~IJh~IISJ;.~$ on the: tie_ .. phone, st .. , resp~tinB W.$ Cis !ndivid'uafs ~ andi start trefliitlJ us like somefh.i n9 that we are not. I.4m n,~t afrQi~!,jf rud'eness, net afrafd of jokes you, rMke in

, fronit of me~ I can fig'ht ~ par.$1)n who insufts me to my' face. B~ t, ppnnot

fight w~Cllit pes.onbehind my' bac.k.. . .' . .:

- . . ~

., , W8;!aySi~, not beneGtRY~\lGnd n~r below you. We $tQn~beside

~yotl QS' ~art'l\y of. respect. We.9'o 'no,t ~efilie y()u'.,.We dO"not brinJ; di~gNlce t1(l Goifsersl\lt'ra,n .. We ri Ine'lther ,a.bomiinot,ion, nor mistakes, confUsed nor utrtcom:pleted. And 'we doft't want ,or needGny·Spec.iG~·tr,eatmant. The treat .. meJ'lt we w~nt ~,n'Ot sp~·Cll. blll~ it is wh~~ Y~lI QINBdy hBove. i£ don~t want ~uy ri11fth r.6f~ .. I J!:Jst want whti! s ,YGU' w~~t. I w4nil' fa b8 r"~cted to 'my fueB Clnt( lb~i~4mv Ilm~k ,I;want to have a 'Nftdlysorne dar, with nttl~ kids

- , .. ,~ _'1/;",:. , ~ . 'I _ .' ,_. .' .. - " . '.. _. _ _ '

, ,Clnd a spouse ~ue tne.1 WQf!it M tell in ,1eye, ,and' I\,td h(l~tls wJ~1t~~ per-

.', soU:'t ev~~i~liJu. :miaufe. ~hoolars l~kiJl9(at m~ t W(l~t to ba~ ~f;to9. I " w~~ ~",hteRds:·:ro.llil~ me. And X- ~f:'~ .Iittle kids to gr.qw up n~f.fe4rin9 ",. . :~~~i~ I~ fr.~,nd~~~~!,!shClt:ned .tG· be' thB·w"h4,.mClde.ilhem, and not

ridt~ufed !bJ peJ'feet s"eRgers.. '.,

~. '.' - .. ~.' .. ' ~'. '>1 ..• T~t'S(l~"t~~.li.bitjty of ~i",,!; ,,~. Stf'4~9ht ,eople C1Ssume I.

,:::~~~~t~::~~~t:;,~:t:~~=t~:':'

ad~9t me. Coi~e ~t~t.s Glt you ~.w the'words we UQCGI" hcWe more ., .~ "~~~h'~'. ~~.~~in!.Oh the)fGce Y4fue~ Say means I wit); 'falt ~h love with

16

" - , .. "

, -

Out of the Shadows

---' Self

another man. When you use it in cny negative cantext;when you use it as the IpUiRCh Iline afany jDke~. or yell it when you lose at e video game, it Imakes me negative, it makes' my existenC8-inY God .. given identityc~somehow less thon yours. Yo.u cannot treat us this wlJ!f without c-Gusing pain, not even as a j,ok.e, because we are not who you think we are. We are your sons ,and daul'ttters, your mothers ClAd fathers, ancllyour friends 'who, live beside yoU!,

Look. there are gay people all: around you, but because you frighten us so much, until wa grow to ',ruist youl,we're ,not gO;IR9 to tell you 'who weerts. The worst otyou,the mostainlsive, you wi!llnevar know Whiich of your friends are 9BY, because we're not g'oi. to give y-ou any more am~ munition to usa against us. If ypu mGke fun of US when you think wa're stNigl\t~ our ciDsetedl reasoning goes, then how bad wUllilife be when you 'IIruly khowl dursse.ret?

,But then of c.ur., among the detnons and: the dorkness trus angels s,hblle through. When you're gay, youremembe,r tbe worst t1hCl't ipeO" pie sayeboudi yeu. but not always' the best. There have been times in my _life, darl( times, when the simple decency of normal people' cIamonstrates

. exacfl,v wl,y I belieye people are good at heart. I tell 'you now, little means CIS ml.1ch UQ simp~le smile when yoU'~B f~ee!l\in9 b!lu8. An~ theiR ,of ,course thers Gre the tens, hundreds. thousands and f:R!ilia.As of straight peQplewho don't subsc,ribe to any bel!ef in their own superiority~ To those of y~u who haye loved me in the past, and still love me now, I Just want to 541 tltank you" If helps tiD Iremember the times that, wlithout knowi,ng it, y,DU paid me Q hu,ge compliment by saying thot you fhink gays are equalr·to anyone else. and' ought tc be treated 4$ such., To those of YOlt who supported gay ri.hts without knowing who the gays amonJ you "rllly a~, again, thank you. To those of you who k,now that my marri.g.e wnillROit tblll~tenvour· GWR~.·Qlnd act O'n it, through your voting, o~ your words, or your- Q~.tions. thank. you. To these of YGuw:ho'know that penguins fl"ve no Jerry FalWell, no hate, even

towards the gay penguins, thank you~ . .

. The' lnCiJnd' of-my story, unfortunateJy, is f ateven as we continue to respect the g,ay people we ,know about, when we are not around t em we continue to m&~the':SQ;me jakeswe d;d'be,fo~e we learlled theilr $~~et, ,and' we.:end up .making fhem about Imy b~ot,hersand s,j,st,ers still in, tile closet -. Thanks f~' the memories, ~s.we Sr.,., ol~d together r nnGl grow wise together~ and BroW to know the unique fHiltterns that. onfv _each of tIS can provide to cottan, the fabric of our lives.

An nymous

m7

love----

.,.a:dow

,QUi .ftlle

.' . ' .. ".

A· 0'- U' In· 'd'

..... -.- ' ... -, ..

"Tell them. that your le$bianmother is always teni~, you to calm duwn.," she said. We Irough.eel!. We 'us'liIo:ll:y jaked, Qbout mr Ircid,ical f·eminist t,end~ncies ....

'but tet me be the first to. say that I:t wast{t alwoys $,0- -

On, a worm' d~ in the mid affernoon, during 1995# there wt$ '0 knock on the door 'OfC1 law' ihCome hume in Q. sh\al.1 city~'- When, I was tailed out ,of Imy room. I sawliI\:Y dad. his ·wife.andIITl,Y bNther sl:tttng' ,on the cow:hstorinl at my stepfether - Ito sat opposite of them against Q wfndow, where the light seeped i" over his-sftoulders.Meybeit was the darknessoffhB room, the brown carpet whfc:h seemed! ;perpetuslly di"y. '0' the dUst 'in! trhe air that told

. ""e tkis wosgoing to I\)e: one. of· tRose '1Ilife c:han9ing.·~-momenfs. Tihere was

certo.Wy somet!hmg.thaf gave it Qw~. - .

My stepfutl\u:,_ uswJty sa well groomed~iotf a five,o~c'mck shadow, his-eyes were bloodl shot. his hai~ fUlled w'ith g,reasBond' he ~4see'l1\ed to be. . drenc:ned in (Ii mcotine sweat, which was then· appeari"" as bead'S oJilhis br:ow. He 'Q4t ~ that h~ thought we shoukf be fhe f~rst to ""'ow - t~~ were gettlingl «dFYo~c:e •.

Thfs W4S her third df~Qrce~ ~HerH m,e~n.nj ",y mother. POSSibiy- to youI'

. s'UrpPtse, I 4ic::fn" re,.atlr ~~re much. After ad. my dad always told me my mom

. . WS! kfita of Q, SCl"eW ~ She was G selfish, nurse who, 1fked: fo hurfpeople ' ('1!hcirfs why s:he likes ·to -gi:ve shots/he once ,ttX:p I'ai ned).. She's "radicaUy ihd~~deR,t.iti·she dMtft ~ven want' to take cCl_re of her children - they said. l! slit on 1'1\13 COUC" s:BQfd~ ~t atl in. Trtl,th wGS,! didn't realty like her either.

f'·, • ~ ~ ~ " 1" • ,. :. 'j

. Shll'S ;Et.lesblim. cia, yakn:ow what 1\ttat· lneGhS?fi. nfyste,fether ask~d.

My eves weN: big~ 'I_didn~ know what Q I'esbicm was, but I Wag gQthe'rm9~ real

qujt.~tkQi'II itw~'bQd., .

• r, . ~

,~.

Het4fcd me ilutfm:eant she'iked 9Irl$.- Ifs G "mentcd disorder- the adul,ts e)(pfQined. -Thay tUIIIf& m.adicafio.ft for if /' the, went on.

_,,' ,"'.$'O:~,$f~S! SOl 'eusv. .'1'1O;:fl." ~ltv _ w.antt,;Mol1\ ",~" f1ha medieiJ~" .;t ,'aSked

. ~ . ~ t~

• ..,f .. r ,; '\ : f'.' \' • _ ~ \) .;- If;. : 1 • _ _ ~ . ". . .. _r f •

. ,,_ key ~l~.~~~~d t~r~~~_r ~~d said that she chose tq~,t~ w~y ~nd she ~ • .,. w~ :tdtal' t~e me~.td,ne..· Latier,. I 'Y-Guld· 1~(1rni that God;4iflln't Uke

, -1:~~:::~::a:::;;:~t~t~::,:X

- ~i8itf 'hi~ lint_h .. As you.am if1l~t Q smo111 si,uiheaste~ri·towl\ in Idaho di:dn~ Q~t to help, c:ultiwte any .notions of ae~tQnce or diver-

.;.: jI •

18

1

\ \

,~

1

}

{

{

I )

\

1.

\

\

t \

~.

'"

Out of the Sh dow

---L,ov,

sffy. III fact, it~$ probably even fair to soy they alii! ~upported me in rejecting my mother: She became my black $,ot. we. di,dlrit f·alk to her. ,about her and most importantly I never foild my friends what she was, I kept expecting that she'd snap out of if.

Periodicarly, when my f,rlendsdid fllndol.lt, they usuany ,asked nie if it was husdftary. Or how I felt about my mom getting. AIDS. This 0111 continued for quOte some tim~.

,By the time I re&ched high schoatl, we 'had moved up the socioiliaddu end we had a. house in the area of town where all the rich peop'ls Uved. We coiled it "The HUt- There, I made a load of new friends who liked to can themselves inteUectuml snobs. They drank coffee instead of soda, G'nd Sotnetil!'BS they had f'un~AY coll'.red hair. My best friend was someoJnB.mostpeo.plle ,c,edled·~ hippie beCause she had' long blonde hilir and there were Q Jut of plants in her house. We used to theorize that a smart person could make drugs out of them. but fhat was. never confirmed. Anyways, one night while at GI party with my new grou,p ,of fr.lends. fwo ,of them started klssing: they"wel'le both boys.. One of them was even wearing ,a skirt.

rd 9~tten used'to them - mostly. Sometimes the boys liked to wear makeup G!nd the :91'1"15 would shave fhe,jr heads.. Som.etimes they'd hove Moh'Gwks w,ith brig:htfycoloJ'led hili!"'. It was always som~t~i'"g d:iff,erent ,every f,ew weeks. I liked the"" bUt when I saw them k.issing, tJuSt stopped' and stared~ It se~med to go qn ftr hours,,' but the next fhing I knew all of my friends were yelling :hDw cut"nil Glnd, twos stlU s·tunne ••. They wBi'esG;~'of like mif mOh\~ That

. me~'nt that God~un·t ~upposed to Ilike f~e", :i!:'ifh.r, ~uf how ooul'cf;' that be?

This wou1t1 Signal the ~innin9 0." my ~~I.,~si1y being sent into turmoil. Cfear Y I it was t,lme ,fo," me to ~thfl'lk some , Rings.

Aft,sr much probing;, it came to my att,elntlon tha.t peo,pfe often said that God didn't nke certain pe~ple. And thGt thJs 'population of J)eQple whom, Goli hated changed' all the time. Now" it was GI'li non-heterosexual ;people. but' it was once Af':',ie,an Am.~ricQns,: a~d mu~h ferny ~p.r!~. people who mar,ried ~nterNcially 8~d :fheir child:ren. t;>nce t"e.y.QII~welht,.tnst God"s plan. That meont thaf once, as hal~ .Tapanese and hal~Iri5h. I~as aa~inst God's pian.

. .loge. Ab;dtute rage; Noffhat kind of teenage Cl~9st but :real .• ,{Jt tihe flesh, com'ing ·of age roge that comes when, YO,ufindi that all tho~e people:youwe~e. supposed to trust have been Iyn,g to you. By the time that r figured all this out I I wGS seventeen. I ,hadn't seen .r tcalked to my mothe~ in ten yeal'S.

After a series of fam:ily- trogedies,.I ,e>echa.ngedi th,at small southeastern, city

for tke stete cGptt¢I. where my mo. f~ved ·,~h her par1tler.I moved On wi1h t'h,m JpstGifter :my e~ghteenth birflhdQ,)': We spanlt tRollY .'ntshts: trying

. to' get 1Q) know.uch ~therf t~ u' decide if w~ eauld trust each other. trying to came: toteli'ms with the 'i:ciul thart, 1I~'re supposed to love eG.ch ottter,'" but far that we had FlO 9'Rndw:erk Wedlddt eVef1ktlowQoch Q,t~~. With 1lhis lmo,Ye catin,em;ctl'lf' ,ar:ls~~rs. l1\en ,ceme the imQtte~ of

choiec. .

. I

"Why would I choose to foe: G s"Ociai outcast? she. SQtd·wtth tears in·her

leves."Wtft waurd I cRoolSe to l\a¥:8 myo~.:dliijlghter ha;teme, for te"n yeers?·

.' .

.Good ,pOlint.

'Now I ui'tderstand' ... I kmow that if"s·'Ff to ~Qme ~ soei.IIWte-6'lSt.

Once thema~o,ritydeci'da-s ~Qt you dD~t f,i~ in, With tltem,yaur ~r9hts be,.. c~e ne9ffii~..~ut Jmy story d1iJ~ ~~.4 :b_¥ the q~e;ptQr:lC& and endor.se~

tne,nt a,f fhe Im,qJority. ,I"QthBf' i·f ends like fl\t8: .' "

Afl'drmuch persol1loisfrug;gte. after Q long time: of Dei. uncomfortable illlmj)' ~n.ShC-n., ~~ Qf. Q rGlft' ttme.of, J!1Qtirti tke-vsry person who bore ,f(1~.~.hQ'~l~kC-Gntte t~>~ v~djfferenitl. I not, o'!lf, ~j~t h8t&rosexist re .. .. ' stf~inf~ ssel~ty ,r4~~ 'Cft·<mV mother. ~Jld :pI~1 R\f·1rlmtds. tkat do net allow . . . 'b, •. ~~ ·d~, m9~Y.' t.~flgS. tik~DUry tfilei~ 'Mrtner5 .o,r·lsJ~IilJ ma:rry er .. share ~. Pt~~PM~'~ ;;' ci~.fittJ·G:~ ;~f.:put$ on nte. J ~fuse i/o; .~ :~f~irled~y 'my ;~~~rf .. d.!, \tY~t:Md;l', :pr $l1li1 ,,;:her ~t.era,fQr tkelt moffall'. This is me

"0.· .... ~J~~S>'Q,ttl'f1;fr"~} :ev:~::_aml eveN OUACe t~ :trOubfe it ~br·ngs. '. ,As a

· sqe~~t~jre~9~.~t~pef$~h: ~. am c"ti~~ted"1~ ~uar",.?~d ~tice.no!t const udirtg. hfi.ittdfAg'~4 mai't\to:b\f,l'lj ,~ "Sf~~ qu... Therefore., diolto;t think it ecNr tb:Cilt I ~j:eel'my M fut~ Beess to -fundamental rights· whith ere grQAted: to ~e ~el!fl.onrwy p.r'w.

· . My te~IGns!~ip:;"~h'nw ~tk""'~ 9i'o.~A~cS~f~~We ~e'~

. ,~:ctas~~w. G!fl(f.f\a¥e, f~A~r; ~~~ eA ~ki~ .. $1;rottSer them .' "~~ti~ .. We~Gvee~\t~~@~~~~~ bo#d cm.!~~. f;~JMn :vouad, !ke. ~dNe~i1x \we~~ shQr.~~. ~~u~~~ iitfo (l',cmiquc'refatfans'ki, tiflllt is ev.f!fJ' g,_A,. sdf .. censtructlngcmcl Psconstrudhl\g r'm

· ~nk(~~f~«tlc~~~ t'~~\~ien~ ~~ ~~w~~ have ~dft.~~d{me ~lbe'eome a

• o. , .• P"~~~"lVlI~~r~~m.£Qtt~ .n~~ ,,!nd e~~: ·tJ1e foU~tf4ff~nsGf my Uf':e'

' .. Jt!~~ 11t~~~ndf!tlecd me to frahfGe!'cjsev,eYe ig,J1Qr<mCL

~.'-. ~ r..",~. . _' ........ ~ _/I' •• ~. ,

Julia Suenaga

20

Out of th Shadow_

----Love

.. O~ngS ' ,On,

I. t continue~ to ,ama,ze~e,s".ti'I,t the Ilelng,hs ~, went to, il!or,de,r' to deny myself. To thegateso,f Ihell~ the~dge (II'fdeath. The!re IS generally III

re, ally.good reOSO'A ;why ,one's la.stn'igh~ of d'riinkin9,Q, nd dr,~gin,gare one's last nl,ght. If survived, fhere Iscertamly a storyt" be tolef.

I had beenh.QvingQ s~,!QI relationship Wi. th a woman for about ,1~ , months ... but I wasn't lesblGn. "It was the persD_n ••. " I told myself. I _ co,uldn't be tesbian. I hed Cl husband, children ... I was a prof,essionat 1_ WClS 0.150 Q drunk and a prescr~iion drug: ad!dict. Thot was May 15, 1995. My last drink, ~my last drug,Gnd fhecloses1' I ever came to kil1ling myself. It ~Q.'_"S ols,o, my ticket,t,~tW~:,ty~on~ d~ysof in,PCltien~, tireotlrn,ent'llt the Walker' ,e_mfer m Godding, Idahol, to' wllom I grGtef'u,ll,y ,owe ,my life,.

Now, eleven yeers later. I am sober Gnd I om ,iii lesbian. I wish I could .sflY hlyc~miftS ou~wc-s easy., but of course, it ~,not. My h,~ba,' d, now ex, t,oo'k.tt upon h.mself to teU everyone: mych.ldr,en, my f~mdy, (lnd,' any of my friends .he happmed to know. I suppose that waS' alrlghf; itcertClinly saved me the trouble of trying to f!gure autwh9 I could trust with my secret. I waS having Q difficult c,",o~gn time with my children; itWGS impossibl:e flOW. ,My daughter hated me. 'My_ son would not talk to me and m¥ tWO"'8K-husbands,were best o,f friends. ·It was'·ime to mo,ve,so I did.

I IPcx!ked u and went to, Boise" l:da'ho. . .'

In So.iss, I WCl$' oble to Sfart49oin. Istorted by ,notkeepiing any se .. cre,ts,. ,My employer.s olw, , ,ays, kn~w. thut I Was!l~uln. ll!,d in. recovery. Honesty be~gJ:me my motto cmd It IS one I continue '19 bve.by today. I would like to st}ty thot this hasllet CQusedme Clny difficulties, b~t it hQS,,~' Not everyone tS able to accept me for whom and what ram. My honesty

. has cost mejobs,·afarmingas it may seeM.

,A,f~~~ ~ ~go,t sober" I :Put !Jif Ute fi!rhlly," i,n flb~ hands 'of ;my J:ligher Po~er Clnd I,et hl.m/her gUI:de me towhe~e I was needed mos,t. ,My Hgher P,ower. whom I choose to CG'ft God. Ihas IneVelr fet Ime dtiw,n., He/She has seen ,me ~hrolJgh t.he death of my s"!l, the 'break up:tJf my love,relati<Jnship, and the

loss of Q Job that wos very Important to me. .

Today, I am out. Myaoughter'toves me, my son who is thilrteen, has nevel' seen me ;drunk, and ram wOf'oktng towardssgoaJ'.I nev:e~ wou:fd hove Clchievedhad IstCfyed ~trai9htQnd drul)tk;. I om finiming graduate sd1oo~1 ' andI S~B ,myself as a fortunote iperson,. I 9'?tanopportul;'li;ty to start over again ,a:Rd I tookft.. By 'bti1ng honest wifhmYSelf;Gn,dloviing WhOMi my heortt,sln. jme: to' lo,v-e.>I f:tave Ibeen Q~bJ:e to) .yert~mB"tif.ts G1bstacld Mdt,o,

canti,n',!,e Gill ,in sood fQit~ ... :'"

Mt~uu9hte:~' the o~ who hG~d :ms, is now ~t_stro;,~est "Q~oc~te. (In fact she 1$ Q f.ffte radical abGQtt ,to I keep ha -.ng·tG felt her O"'C<1lm dowrt. .. ) Life continues on 11fe#$ terms end by the grofj8 o.f God go I. ..

I never have to' drink again. Ihever have folie ~ain .. , I can lo,ve whom I chlse.. BecOming lesbian gave me: great f,reedom. Freedom to be 1tirnd,. to be femiin:ine., to &e .h1Jnest, to ,be loving. I wGutdtllrt t~Clde lit for th:ewortd.

I just wish jlt could be G Uttl~ ,steier'. , ' ,

JeyShaw (Ji'.,', .. )

21

:". ~ :

Out of tbe Sha,dows

• '~ :_I{.'. ".~. _. y "

, .

There was once G ~Awho *ai[iked on ceiN;ngs. Whene~~r he ante

Q buillCfh9' he ·wus obliged to waffu.p fhe aD and hang, from 'the ceiling by h feet. No ,one k.rmw' how or why it hqpened" lb~t li,t wasc:lear that he ,was d·f .. , f,eren,tfrom others.

It we possible for this man toalk oft, the fWQr like "normal" pea, , buf he didrlt feet; ,rig,ht doiftS it." He had Q. ncrturm propensity to walk em cei Imgs inst:em o,f ~l'oor$. au woIfkili'l91~ evuYGne elise j'ust felt wrongl to hi:m.

Outside, he eeked like e:ve~e else, and ·nG one passing himQlI street would rulize aRY djfference in hitm CIS ell: ceiling, walker. There: was M ,r,eGlsignl ,ot Q~l o·f his_ beifil9 different to'- someone who didn't otherwisekftow (1)out him.

Yet.01\ee he'entered Q buHdirft9 it was clear fhat he didn't live in t, e some W4Y,cas others. In fD!ct. ceilil'19 wa:lkitlg' was ~whQtdifficult ,fDr him to deal with;. m: hig:h ,cei.iiRgedl NOms. ke WGS tar ,away f~",'4nyQ,lle he was trVtlA; to tatk tOt en'_ doerwavs weren't bilt :to 'extend at;I' the Y'~y to the~l'ing.So' - times there .ul<J be fa., w kh he. Rldd lmv~ to elf b or j.urnp as part of 1M cemNg'. Gftd! flu: ceilil'll6, OYEW st<llfers: ofteJtl titaBSprovad ver_,diffictllt for hill'll. Despit,e these trauMes,. th_p, he ~new' t!haf it'\Vcnlfd' lbe an iAjustice t,o

.~bift\Sellf if he war'S t<t 'mQ_BQ,uerde es G ~I floor w4Umr.

': " One day he wu (Glled'into mUJi'f to +esti!fV 'iifl,G .cuse he h'Qd meen .wit-rtesS to. He hd.d not done afl¥1'king wr~n\g: himself. he just happened to be On t1~e WNmS plies at the wroftg time ~ wAS reqUested to.give lhts aCcctUAt ·of ~ftat he had S8efL When he enTered the ceUli't~tnt he was requested to sit in - the w"",essb:ox. When he totd them tliu!&t ke preferJUl to stay on the: ceiling',

·t~¢ j~~ ~~·h~IlR:~Dcen,e.qtOff 'co~rt 'find f.Q;,dh'iM~.' .'. ..

. . ',' Even~~~v, t~ ~ wka.~~ em t~ ~ir[n! fell ,in lov,e. with a beau.tiN!: tnc:mwkli';f'ike the fest Off th:e,-·w"Ortd. waiked·_·1ttte fleaI?'. 'They:Uved Q ,hlaPPJ Ute ''''gather',. desJ!irtetheil" dfff .. ecnces. andl ne.ver 'intl'uded on any-o'ne. The .~JlI ,who wa:&ed ,n itreif'laar w~gjve" ,a g,:,~t j.ob 'with.fcmtuti,c: health tare bene-fits .. ~t'these W6ret1't ~Sftded:tD them" who w41ked Oftl the ceilt.. NmrlMl:' film ies: ftte1we~ tQ:hli wwfd! fllWa fUll Co.vetG.ge fir th, entire &tnifY~.:lI~ef'~_Dutdi ;n,' c.ver i,he.maJkVho' w~~ on, t e oeiJi~9i, thougb .. nOit

.. ~~'af'lti~,9~~ "keir ttl(WitJ dcdti;of 'a~Ythifi! I~ke 1ihat, but be Q.O,wse. his ott of wQtkl:n, G.n cdlinas was deem8d .tc)o: dcmgeJ'Ou:s:to: insure.

~:: ;:h'le~,t~ ~~W:, .' ,insuraF.".comR9l'1 th,~ the ~JH·m.,walk,-sJ Ohl the ~f.iflt,fmf!_tl~er ~:Qf~ i,pd,uryas Q re'§ ,I[t Gf~ I:\li& c:eit:ilo!:w«lking, Ib'ut the

e:dm'~~)·(tn~·wBt\it ~~eat ,db 'fhe iC1mttt . ".,

_, , Many y~rfat~1! fk~ man ~ho w4ike4' 00 ,tb~ flapr -fell ill. He was ',:I!IJteli!f'adat the l'o~1 ~q~pitclIQAd.it 1f4S,~ught tll£lrtr he mis.bt8t make iit

. tkroUgbrfbe Ini;hfl. Demo wlta> wcllkedl on theccdUnJI'wanted' fiG' stay by his side u~i,t the morning. fQr better OJ" ht'W&He. bitt-the hospital workers told J:thtt fie GOul'dn't enter the h.ospital rum, It was too- muon of G saRty risk to

" ;r.,.'.

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~ : halte h'im wBllking on the cem,ngs.theysmd. as he might sprBCld dilrt o:r germs

_(:,' (<<lJo~t_ t~at _th~y coulcfritcl~an_so :high-~aff f~e ,ceiling. _ Th~y ~Qn~d t~.m~k~ c _ .<:~ ~. -, ~~re_tokee~.~It~-roomss~Rltary, Q~d. th~y t'hQ~S,~tt~e mcI~·o'n the celllln~ m.lght ~L - •. L. be too,. unhygienIc. He tried t,o explain tG them that he cOLlld wah u,p. takeoff

,~V: ~~'L. IhiS .... ,S.,._ .. :ho.:e. ".W .. H.-.::.r.' p.' ..... ' _t,-.,e ... e .. tive. C:.I .. O.~t.h.jn.-.lg.L.,.o-r.' .dO who at,e.ve.r.'.t1.he.~ r. Y.UR. '8.-' b. Uft .. '.".h.,e._v d.J.an,." _

want to de<d with h'im. His love died that 'Right whUe the ImGn who, 'walked en the

~\ ceill:ing sat ,on a. be'nch, Guts,ide the hospital.

.": ;,' SaCUl after the lmaln who ~cdked' on the fl",r had died', the ImaRwho

tf wall!kedoRitheceiUng complCiined to t:he hos,pital. H'. compla'fned to the director I

J' " whu, wasmostlly Iunsympotttetlj'c,. and. w:hen his complaints weren't hav,ing any ,ef-

"met there he comp:IGined tG locm news oufl'ets'. Evenrucdly, his sto.ry gG'ined'

. InDtiO:ri!e1y ,.ciross tlhe nation" and he began to a,mas, suppo,rtelrs ... "even! Gltibng 1p80- p~'e who di,cln't walk on ceilings. As $oon as: he "ad some sUP1Porters,. tMulh, fibsrs ,s",srged ,agr,ou,p o,f peopllewho stlllJd 'bythe dlcd!rns.'of the hospitcd.. So:me sah~~ thart it· was si;:mply tihehospitG'lrs right to! (ufmilt people wh.o they wan1ted' Clnd to, baf4wnomsoever they chose, and otlh:erssaid that the man 'who walked ,on the ~eillin,g s:hould havej,ust gene to 'el diff,e'r,ent ihGspit-aI.. OtherssClid th.t the man should,hllVe walked on the flloor like ,~vervone els. Irega~c:ness ,of· who he ... llly wu, ,because it was' better to-fit· ,in Clnd be I'lo:rmcd fihon,to stand au' as ioneself.

Th.e man IGdged' a lawsuit against fhe hospital. Mediapundi;ts Gnd com ..

Imentat,ors ibeg.onrunning G,i'nion pieces In Inewspapers Glnd !point<ount,erpoilnt sessions ,on TV ClboLltwhether·the InMllll whol wCll.ksonlc-eUings had ,(lCGSe or not. His support,ers ,t,arted wearing upside-down Ia,pell, rilb~ns CIS-,Q show' ,ofsup;port.

Soon tihe religious commenltaf:ors holP;ped oln th.e bandWAgon too, 'and they dSlrfounced the man .asQcting conrtrary -to the: 'w,iIl of ,Sod. They said' tlhat it wasuh.natu~1 f,o walk on,eeiliings Gnd that ,if 'you fee1 inc:tihsd as such 'hlft you shoul'd wlr:k. to ch .• ngs your linclination" 'lA.s man, wh.o' wa'ikedon. the cld Ii ng ·!knew ·that there 'WClSftO way that 'he could change hilmse!lf.even if hewant,ed to.

O,rganizecl churches began CGhlpmg;ns ,agQinstth~ man IQRd ceili!Rg walkers everywhere. if there wereGny others~ They _ •. ned' people who,wtll:h,in ceil'ings from, wor:~ing :in their churches aJld encGur-Qg-ed members of tkelrcon .. g,qatioJ!l' who _hought they might have On :lncli"Gficm towuds·w.iJ~i:n9 oaeei:!ti:ngs to talk to their relli,ious leaders 'CillJout ch'C1ng:inJr i'1hBir fiesUngs; Soo:n;, members ·01f the ,churchesstorted t,o fear IPt.apl'e who WiIIlked on ,ceill!ings, Gllrd: even peop,te who, d~ ,downl, thought they might have"WGnted tG "'milk. On. ceilings 'were forced,to say1h1lf they Ihated' ceiUng walke~,j,ust ino-rder -to sta, lin the :good graces ,oft!hslir ,church.

l1t.s fear oif icej,Jing walkers spread'IGiross the country. and people begQn:eveR uSjngr$,IBng terms fat' eBilriftJ wet.ldng ,CiS derogatory jib-s Gg~dnst ,each a,thar. Tablo:id magazines began caccusing popular1ceJebr,it'ies of- waJkin.9 on cejl~ inas., w:hicl\ t:hue. celebr,i,thts woulldl adamantly denry'. the,oiRt of laws'uit. 'The mall who walked on the ceiling no longBrfel;t safe ,iln :9.oi1ng out or do:ing' si,mple

O"ut of·theSlhadoW8

---ILove,

23

.: ,Love

~

(~{

r

~ ~

things like shopping Gta greeery stQre. .j

. . The ·£aS8 was heard fin, cowrt ",Rd'i,t was decided that the hospif«1 was Q. )inll

fault ,in barr1i,ng admittancets tihe l'IlQn who _ wclilked on the oeUins. He appealed, cm~

'. _ his c_e WClS'sent to the ,court of ,appeals. It was defeated theN too, and now wil~'

:~~ of h~ supporters. the ~n ap~ed agam. sending th8~ to the Supr~

. A veal' fater t the man· possed ClWay kom the combined effecto·f old Q9=~ ~ . f~st fove, Ql'ld fam"a:. eo:use. His supporters pressed his CQSa even without him,. }. the Supreme Court did tit fake u'P the. alSa~ effectively stopping Qny progress.

, SOOR 'aft.ev fl1~~rt H;j.eded the case, f~rco~si~erati&rt.G v,idso .was '~1

teCilked to the medICI frc.m someone who had taped.the tr,lal'ln the Court of APP8G~~\ ·Nemts.Hy. the justice dep.artA\eAtwoutd_n~scots G video from cmse.d: court pro ~ ·ei:edfi~n9s. bu,t be;cal66 the ef;\'i'~t'. G·f the eliplw4S directed stNight at the cening J w,ilfitm,ltt showhll19 Gnyonerdse lin the QQltri.r.OClID\, it 'wassUow,scf to hie brQodcasf. lit W",'

G ~hort 'tid. eo. . ~dI feature. d. t. 'h~ .. man .. ~. ....I~ "".' t. he c.elling .. haft. ~n. 9 ,0. ver the \

. witae" ~ In the J;-ourt1f'SOIft" gwmglln IIInpassloned plea to.every'G. e there. 2

"Many ve<trs G9Q1,~' he said, "I s'nd in ,fl· similar situation to this 'One, hang n'

, ,o,Ye:r Q witness :box~ o'nd:·the judge filned11rne QS,bei:ngljtncontemp1' of cDurt.I didn,'t -~,

, f~9.hf,then. Years ajtefi'·tfiatI was de,nieClUtisUNIRe. cDveMge .under my.portner's J plan becrauS;e .. t:hW dftlD't wont the 814rden of covering: sDme-OR~ who walks on ceilin96~ \ I ,£f,!!frtt fig.hrt th.enl, eithe,r. aut now) I baveto, fighit( bas_USB rYe seen ·thl'lt the peo.. ~ ,re of this; \V.Q¥'ld hCl\le ItO IRGre regard for' pe.oiple lun1ike themselves than· they do f'~r )

the trash i-n:tIuft-r p~h bAMp . ' }

"It is cleor ~ as I stelnE! hafol'e VOlt t"Oday, that rm diffarent. I tell you '\

,~Qt l~@J'd In.(Jt~~nYo111e~N/&y. !\t~ ibeen'GskedJby society to ftt ilR, to compro- .'

.«use Imysetfsti~pl, &ecQuse tt hlQ~es the ,peo;pje aJIIound~ memdt'te C01!JllFDrtoJble. I've MeR G,kaif to be.less nn myself.

"aut ·~,,'t den,y·t:n¥s~fr try as· hard, (1$ I might. I <eQn~t be Qhytl1ing that rm ".of e " And Wh~D f4Ilt,(o¥e, 8Q:Ale'ine~ itt ,dQ~n~. matte' w:ho+ Gbout youl is·different fram ev~DneAfse; it 1\1." _tte:ps tJhat y-ou lave, them ..

: ,"rm AAt GSkirl9·Yu t.o·1IHilb specf.l1f 08neessltms fOP,8f1,pie"VhoWllllk on ceil ... i!l!l:gs; GP, wllto! ttygtbeir fwes t'R4t1Y ,other,war, I'm onl:y Gskins thmt you show to people

, ~ilke)*"e ·the; Qme· llaws.,ihe smne Ireg,ulatiasf. ,GIllGf:ha same llIesp8"Ct you'd'$how to, Q1ny

-flert ·kumori ~'

" ':' " :u nottbmg.,afser Just r-.emember ads wa're nGt' so di.fferant, you Gnd t.

W~V:~~ tWco> Je§~;Q b.~Qjni, tM1l9hl!s, d~:"Gnd '11:0,", .and we ~dh,live end love, jjust Ii", OUIi' DWn: uniqelS wD¥$~Make an ,exGtnpl:e of my case, that no persliJnever shoul •

~ di~m:i~f4d-qaj:Mt1i fol" QAy.lP~:so:n~". '. ..':

Hwtdred~Gtt-enSe4 the ~,e,fthe ftlBn who WGlkmifi en the "i,ling_ Th'Y madQ:sur,e t'Q '(1ttad\. clIent'S to i'ihe ,aeiling in the. hall Iit'l wmeh, it w. heidi, A few pee ..

p!le used them. . ,. ".

It Cowan

24

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Out of the Shadow

---··L,ove

PanamaC·ty

,'!: The Shadow withiln the bU'l'lding light emit .. :ted one word-

: ,III.H:-I'_""

': , Ow

,,' Taornueh light after the .r:k coolrtessof !,; the house.

,,', ,C:L,' ,'.' I 'h· k

s: ~iIIles waiting', I' tin .

" Is shereaUy here? Is that real'ly her? My eyes adjust to see her

sey,ant,sen years Cl9,0'.

'i "YOUI d'iidn-t teU me you wers comilngll' I man .. ~j.' age.

~ I see heir smUe now - radiantly unsure.

\" "Perha,ps I shou!I'dn;'t have .. ,."

'ft~ I breathe.

t,:: IIlet's walk," as I pun the door shut behind

f m,e.

~: i f

~ t

I

~'

t

l1he st~eets ,are bak,ing i,n th,e heat of the day.

Did she choose to find me at siesta? "Betwae," time and' latitude d~o.flges" I hove no idea when or how 'I Orft today. fI

"How I'ong are you here?r,

Her voice Ilowers in co,nf1idence, Irises in hope -

""Til tomor,row."

We walk, and talk u,p to a point o:verloolkling the seQ.

"Why did you find me aher so milch siII:en.cs?"

"rve missed you 11

Her hair is whipped by the wind tkat triu 'tiD snat,c!h thos'Bthor,ned' wQrds away from

me.

.'

She lisn't talking'v&'ry muc,h, aware finailly of the poin her words can CGuse.

She's listening" waiting.

"I don't know .•. we can'tgo'back ... "

Her eyes gUsten with emotion ond wind. I stitll know her.

She fol'ds CI kiss into my hand 0$ the tears drop,.

The traitorous wind flings the whispered words into ,my ears'ClSshe dr~ps her hand from my hair -

I love you."

I wUt 6ie. I cannot ho!ld this ....

She-sput her sunglasses back 011, stepping down the stones - slowly.

Hope and despair mingle in her wafted scent.

"I have CI boa,I"- the words are out in the ai.r befior,e. I thought thelm.

In Q dizzy drunkenness, the wind and sun carry m.& to her.

"What's my name?"

I 'suy the lname she hn ,chosen for herself. She removes her black shades and the iinage of my seff falls away to reexppsar in

her dark ,eyes. .

"rtf li1<e to'see your boat." ... the tears become: diamonds ..

We fly fihrough the city

to seill ,o,n, the ocean of ,ourchoosi,ng

E. ~ derWeil

25

,':oma-' - ... 'n'"' ceo .

,',,' i ,I ,,' ."', )

\ . ,_I '_ _" i ' ': "- ..

Rushlil'lg headlong into the adventure my fever pitched by her words

of dttraction

of app:recietion

,o;f sedu,et,j'o,n.

We daneed Gnd pl'eyed and shored into the morning: sun

that. brought muzzy sMUes,

and cregmy, warm, contentment.

Silken: ,even,i'ng orriv,ed ,carrying di,nner ,and fhl~cdi!ht •

Out G,f Q clear bfue sky dappled with Qutumn brilliance

Q Cl'Clck of justice and thought advanced Q shattering rain of glass.

:l;):renching' ;.slijv,~rs; ,at: n:tlif'l}'\o:red: power sliced Op8R oJ'dwounds on,d new hearts

. imbedding cold shards o,f meon and

bolt

E. Vand'er'Weil

Mt!stiJu.GradintJ..Q$ s'pcwksof passion

.. 'li'" . ::/.\, I

cleer bits ,of ,~e'ctcd'iions r~dteeheted off the ground,

:. int'O"ey.es wid'e wi:tn surprise and terror.

I r.e.memhIw ",!I)W,

when the N&k hit my windshield

26

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OU"1:0fthe' ShadOwaLO've (Sup:rislng), iLou'e L-e~er from an ernb~ttered,CYnlc:al~ obscurantist~ ••

*s,i:gh*

So, we talked tonight. YOUI sounded' IikeYCluwer,e, lin a lot of pain. and I'm sorry for that, but I wanted'to thank you for talking with me GnyWcy. I'd been getting!wGl"ried ,overt1he Ilast 'Few days; not so Imuch thin'ki'rl9 that I

should be watching the news for some horrific accident, but just wQrried about what Y'OLI think Gnd feeL.aboutme,. I suppose. I know that I carl: be somewhat anxious and neurotic, and I'.ecdize thcrtit's sifly, but every timet haven', heard flr'omyou in, Clwhilfe. I'VB begun to, war,,)'., Thinkijtll9 that I1KIYbeyou overestimated your feelings, Gnd trying to prepare myself for the possibility tihat I'm going to Ihear someth.ing I'm, nillt 90:in9to' lI,ke. Itnilni< 'itls becGu,se

I don.'t feel ,like somethi 9 thisgaod should' be ha;ppening; t' m not this fortunc:rtis with guys, ,arid right M'W, I feeli very, VERYfartunafe. Do .you ever worry like that? Something so great is haplpening that you'JUBt can'toccapt lit '11$ recili1y, and worry.bout when your' bubbfe willi burst andl itl Ube&ver?

That's, how I've been feeling about yo I guess t'm stilt trying to pinch myself" ope:" m¥ eyes, and stil:1 have you in my nfe.I':m stilil in 1h.eprocess . of convincing myself that this"is ,real and tihlltI ltaven'tdreamt all this up.

I get flustered when we: tGlk,ond I doni' kROW' whaf to say •. t dO'hI" WCII.tW to sound QwkwGrd or cheesy, and I feet that maybe sometimes I end liP sourtding Ihalf-hearted!.However, I don,lIt krtow 'if you realize how happy YOlilve made me, and whQt k'nd of emotional throesyou've sent mem'to; 9cJOd ones, intense mne£· • .Intense eJlough tontclke me anxious,c.It~lldns my e--mail obscuively and checking my voice mail every time I 'cOme ba.~k to my room. I don't WCilnt to overstep my Ibeunds, o,r be premcrture, or' frights'n you Gt all, Ibult I Just .... hearing your voice made myheGri ,'eKe ~nd-CIdte;: Clnd,I w~ft1 yo~ tQ know that.

And I want you to know how' nervous cdlthis has 'made me, an.d I want you to know how ~peciQI and beautiful i,t is thot r feel like I can present myself this' way to, 'youl; Rot as CDol1 orcoiffected at all, but as Qwkwmtdend tmsure and .•. well, wlnerab e. Thot's ~n8. And so Qre you Evan ".f:r ,",on t get to see yo. very often, Gnd we certai:nfy WOft't be spendingsnougihfinte together (at teest not enough to satiate me), it·s okiJV~'Youtre so much, much mare thon.J,ust IIweJl worth·it}'Take care.f yourself. get beffertoQndkno,w that II", thinking about you. I wish you we~ here, so I could moke you Q CI.lP

- " ," of tea and;pu' yau' fa 'bed next to me.

lCyle

27

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---_!Oiii@]'1

!l

:il

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!

lhe sen peaks, through her toulred Venetian, blinds. It's three pm :1

and <her silow. heo,vy breathing j,s in perfect cadence with the rhythm, ,\:

_\

,;1

\,'

) ~.

} '~

'1

t

:l

"

\

¥

'{

of my thoughts. Sweat and tobacco p,ermeate the air, seeping in Clnd

Sftllt~, thnsepigrcing eyes. st,ainiflg to epan under warm light. I am

~·~~-IiliL.~:~..' '.. ~h' h

secur:e wit "lin '" er 9~ze~

, o Her bed reveals the inten-si,iy of our emo,tion - vivid yet re ..

. '~froi:lIted. Gr"iQitif!tca:tioOn and, the begiinning! phos,u of something beautl ...

":,i- ',': ':

", . ,lui intermingle with tangled sheets, foded blue and lifted from the.

, ¢"G~ers of her moderately sized ,t'ftotfrars. The heavy j~Gde comforter ·;f.btlf never really did loy neatly secures the length; of her body. Her

ferlric:f~A Qurves ju,f, '(lIofit through empty spa!ee.My orrml"Glys in the

'~, groove of ,her hi,. Smooth, pole skin Clnd opulenf crimson lips compli ... ~~6nt 'her .ltteSS of' tI,frtlkempt aubur.n, hair e , Sub,tle "'cays pierce through

-. Ibe IfriA~198!PS &f h-er window'. h~Qvin9 'intricate designs that reflect

. ~t fr~n~ied energy of the wind outsld~ on he.r dull carpet. She

~.ehes hr slrnuGtJsneekol1d back.;. catching, the rays with her steel

i"'~'" m-op e~n9Q. F-Gr (in instant aft ethereolsfreafn of light reflects onto

. tlhe 'waJl~J ge:l'tt[~.SugSdti:fl9 the filni!te patu" of the moment. R.eaUty's cua· is botdt, i9,nlJ"e(i~ WId I tnsteadfoctJs Gft· he.r deUcafe frame.

Flingers mi,x ,aAd ,",ingle untildj,ff'erentio:Uon jiS lncQpabl'e. I bsskJn th.s qt.Iiet J"dDgnitf:oru!)f my emotions. Rugged, graffiti-ridden troihS Ir'uar' tanG rumblle ouf.s~de· ~er .window, creating; on urbanmeliody alm,st as tongible QS the guitar ly;ng"hapho%ardly ill the center of the ro,Qom. Hips' subtly "way to the'rhythm. Her eyes question; I QinSWer with'my lips., She fQU~'bQ¢k'~nit& that Ught but sincere slumber that SeehlS to define her morning. My eyes fol'low the tired' path of her graceful fingers. My attention is foCtlsed on the consecrated journals

2S

'\ I

---~ ....... ' .~'U-t~pjJ,;".< ,tle:'_ ~w i) -~- ....... ----- ove

..,;:..~+ ...

;: '- ..,.

and novels that clutter her Ugh cedar bookshelf. Book ~overs and

. .

thepagesth.ey 'wer~cemmi~sioned t,o grotect appeer tattered' and _ exhausted, her mi,t'\d well-versed! and possessing an irresistillie

!ill. pers.pectj~e.. 8,

r,' -. In this state of slumb~, she reimal'ns disheveled but none- ...

"'. . theless deSperately sensuall: her bre~this rapid shaUQw;. f:tep

~ , .

. loosely fitting tous,led' blouse reveals her soft shoulder and mid ...

? ,~. riff. Her eccentric: beauty is, hidden betwixt the matted sheets

~ ? end the heevypillOw. Her brow is cri,nkled. She delicately bites he-r : lower lip. She appears to be deeply contempiafive, unaware of my

. .

O1bservOJ'IC8 .• The light slowl:y beg ilnsto fade., The dresser whose

<: contents could be so easily -viewed mer~ hours before is now dim

} . Itlnd dishmt~ The sol,' . movetnentnow hig:liljights her elegant calves;, pale and strangely otuptuous. The admir9blB physiatf modesty thot s~ possesses gener.ollyoontlr~ts cons'istentIJy_ witlJ·mybroshness, but j·n the thick, fate afternoon it simply mingles. .

Ccmtentment pe-rvades and isunderscor,ed by the ~ming ~ptnessof myrustted garments on the floor, Df my disl_,fnstive

-': jeweJry'scattered atop her dresser. Dull boots ln~rml-,ng'ewith

t_, - Gbando:ned f<llded clothing. Adangeroti's'ly ttgfrt fltfillg cor8lirtW

, jacke roes atop lwr scatte,ed· dated photographs. Myfistme:f

k-, ' -.stoeki!hJ:&_ adorn .h.ersultied t -hie .• 'and l never enee. feel·ashamed. I ~ merely, ~rqp Il\V barer Ireg q"D no ·~r.s Qn r £"raiglt M .tlle. "tiDn of ~.~ ·!Comforter '~lithinIIl\Y Ireo.Qh.,. ote(lS'e, !Njth the ChClO~.,

~- \

~-

)lif..

s.

L. ".

Ambr 61adney

-.

,

29

I !Iove you. Never ever in my life have I ever fel't as wonderful: as I do: wheni I thin,k about you, my one and only. To wish upon myself your samp,le touch and the simplicity of your soul , devlours tRy desire te destroy it. To force mysedf to believe that I am ~f".0ng, that you can: only be an image of G nf,e I ,only wish I had. I refuse to beli_iev,e that what I feel

- is morbid Qnd p'erverse.,,. for what I feel has completely altered my life and th.e way I think It i,' my love for you that sust,QlrlnS ,my being ,and it lis 'my 1'8¥e fo:ri yOly that 'g,i'vles me 1'tte strength and courag:e;fo wake each morning and face the new day. -You take my br,eothe away, every littl'e giance, every ,childish I:augh,every iIM,pressio,nable smile sustains itself within my soul. for I cannot find the words to say that I need yOlu 8'0. Y:our I,ove is the Ught by whi,ch my sou'l is

guided~ Just being by your side makes 11\e feel such incredible joy_ Icon" beltieve it. What am I to do? I'm trapped in a world th,at wU:1 ,not let 1m,s· live the -life I desire to live, and

, even wor'se, I feel, binds you to thi,$' earth; hidden behind curt,Qj,ns'lof shom,e Clnd uglhr18SS.1 dOl not know what win hap ... p'en, but I olft, certain that there can belove, and I shall wait,. fo·r I believe.

I believe in love.

Anonymous

30

,.

~- ... ----

---,leve

.i ..

. ,

I realize thlllt 'it must seem, pretty strange forme to write ,(1 :Ietter to you like this;, but I ,am n.otsure.l would be able to effectivety communicate all that I have to say verbally. What I have to tell you is incredibly hard

. for me to say. It's sornethiJl9 that lrve been OR fh'everge of teUingyou count tess times in the !gast" yet I've I!ever be~n able to do so. for fear of c4using, you Q fot of pain and stress. ,Qnd for fear of j~st how you would react. As hard as lOt lis for mef;g tell you this, I don't eXp9c,t lit t. beG,ny easier' for youl to hear. All I ask cas you read this is to ikeep an open mind, and to remember fhat I love you very milch.

tatelyl. as you .are QWare.~ myforiunes took Q turn for the better with CI.n amazing new job.. I am, doin9 the kind of work that I had hoped I would be doing white in a. great environment and earning Q respectable salary. It 'would seemthGt, for the moment .011 is right in my world. Things are not Gtw4ySCIS s.U",fe as they seem, though. oespite my newfound seeceSs,I find J'lyseffbefflg depressedland ge.nerany unhappy, not for the filrst time,. by an issu~thQt I hcwestruggted wilflh fer Q 'very long time.

I know' ,of nD' eQSV w:gy f'Q'.SfI!( ,what this lSsu.e is $0 rll just say it.

There is a, wish that I have had frem when I was very YOUh,9 that somehow,

. - ~ ~ . .

'I might wake up one morning '~. Q: 9i'rt To put it quite .s:iimpty,in ~se that

doesn't make it cleor,. t. tee1x was· bprn the wrong sex. I know that's Q pretty huge revelation, So tak~ Q bre.ath, and then let me try to explain it Iii" more detl1il~'as best 1:' can, .

"~roughO:Llt m~. e.nth'~e Ufe. as fur back as I ~an ~:leQJ",lvremembet". rYe felt like I wa_s ~mehe.w diff~rent. Irtever really "titl, w~th other

- - . -.~ .

beys. Jus.t how I ~!lew .or felt this is kind of . hard to ,~.,pJai.n. Something in

tha,.way t beh:ave~ Gnd ~'h.the way I ililrt~raeted dear,l:ysetimeapart from the other boys my ClJB. I was uncomfortable around them, and ~J think they

. .~

were often unco·mfo rfo.b Ie. around' me, and I su'bsequef1fly d·jd not ,ever helVe manlY fr'ien'cfs. Meollwhil'e,. I 'Q ways feft like I identified better w,ithgirls. end I nevel' fe~t the. SOmB S1>rt of discomfort around f:hem tIS I did around

31

L9ye

bays.. U1'tit'mltety,. I wished I were 6. girt

Over time, though" I did e.ventuaHy fh,d ways to fit incs a boy, and to, S.eem more t:\ornud ar:rrof;\9 those around me. I learned how to bury my feel"'itgs ahd e.:tnolt·iolils deep when around other peoOpfe. I developed an exterior front that allowed me. hlbe what otners expected me fobe, though I never reaJly felt ~t. In essence, I turned my back on a huge port of my personaHty hi't an efrfortto be norlTlG[, fo Just n.ot feel so ,'eft out onytnore.

TttJis wQrked't to Q de9r~e, and I did .~ve.ntualJy reach a point where I had a re[~fively narma* el4rst~nce, I hadasmaU grQup of frie.nds end was generanyaceepted. StUI. fhou~h. evelll when I W6S acce.pted a.nd managed to firt- tn., ! afwa¥s felt fike I was on the Qu'tSide Iboking in. I never feJt 'het I ·was. truly' Hike aRyone. else araund mel and my desire to be female never disap.peared.

With so fRu,h confusto,rt, it was only a matter of ti~ befo·re I began 1'0 lo~"k forQns\o\!¢:~$. OR the Int~rnef I I fOMnd a wealth of info.rrnation.I fetlflled, for cne, thai' I was· f<lt" fr:om being alonea:s I disc-ove,red cQuntfess personal sites tnQcde by people deaUng, with tnesam.e kind o·f i'ssues I was going thr'ough and el<presslng the same ktnd ef feenngs 1; .felt. I elselearned the te.rmhtofo9Y'fharr seemed to'Q'Ccur;Qfely describe what I was. goiFlg· through; words 'such as trans-gender or trar'lssexuul and phrases such as gender dysphoria or gender ide'htfty di~G)rder_

AU of this helped rae to acKnow]edg.e, t~a1 t didn"t have some dark evil secret· thot I should beaskdtned of. I sturted to· accept myself for who I krlew I'was, cU1d1be911n· cohsciotl$;fy (lthinkI hdd always done so on an uncOr\:sdous leve):) 1'01 id~ntlty fn+ernaHyas fetnale, even ,hQosingCl fetllQle name. Stint to, fake OJ!ly furth~r ste.ps,.fnvof~ing Q more o~bvious female-gender expreSSIon:. proved very fr1ghfehhTg, and rve spent (1 'fong time hidi.ng Virtually cU traces 0,1 my internal identity fromfhe outSide worJd .

. AJthoUlgh I have. become very go:od fat dei'ngso,t,bi:s, is hot something , t~CI,t· I fer~r I c<m stflJld to dO' anymore. I ho1e feeJing, like I need to guard against letting ell but Q smaJ:l frClgmentof who I G.m come through in my eve-

32

I\~ . . ·v' ·""Jy:()ut~8f~t·h~rS·h1~U n-w'.~~~7' ~~ ~ ~:'J sluO ue J{'~'; ....... '(

r:r. ,j)~~ ""~~;,.)"'};';t_~~,_-",7"""~~;-=-'''' ,_~~,I--">~ ..... ~?)I!.~-~ . ./' ~ ~ ~~~{r,f\:.:l, fli: ..... ,.1,~r, '\'~

'J

f

~ w

~ 't. .. 'f.~. 'le' ~ -i ~.. 't"

~ :~ "" '.IiI'~.i<> :

J~ life. ~ ~ to Jive my life this WfR( ~n't fQi~ to any:ne .. ~; snot fojr , t~~, r~t r.c.an n~ver sim,Jly J.ust bemys~'f# Ifs not ~air to you either, or

""n~q'ii'ee;fse who is a part of my life" 'that you miss out on such tl big part of

'111';;0:,.;' ,

o,1iO l tn.

~~>i'f .

"ltf . So thnt's pretty much where I'm otright now, and why rm telling

~ ~J~ ,

•. '?TllJS. If I ever hope to be happy with myself. this' issue i.s something I

J '~~ 1'0 flcfdress. Just what al'! that wiH mean is still not sornefning rm en:: ~¥ door on yet. Currently. r am seeing a therapist who is hetpih,g me 3.j{~ through someo'f my feelings and with her heJp.I,.am.p,{or'kir:rg Q'n,:b~eGk-

~:I ," ~:..~own the me~~t~1 and emotional waifs ttllat.1;'~e ,put 1)1;~y-e.r 1:~.¥~PrP 'tf

; , '(1 hide who lam. I aln also taking part in a support ,grEJl:lp' whecPf,I C<in

.. ltttif:' and talk ~rth other tronsgendered j~dividuats.' ~ys:i~~nf, fvi ~t1)lrtaif '~1i~ser 'hair removaJ·treatmertts 0'" 'my fack and. ~rt~;cntSJh il'idtf,f be'a~uge 1;¥' *i:I;P p(I,lquirlng ·therecotnt,nendai'iondf my therapts1i I ·Gtm ser.fotlsfy ¢t>f[side-ri:F\!'

.,

«., ~9¥,m(me treatm~t.

13;~~". -:: I underst'tllld whef I just told ydU must have been hG~d for yeu to

, }k-. j~e(1r v I donJ.t ho.neS'tty know how you wi.U ~eQC:t, but I hope you 'win take some ;~ tf.ime to try andunde:rstand this. B~fore I fi*1lsh. there,are Q. f.ewthings I ;~.: ~wanf "" to know. Fi~St r he(;o.~e I kno.w t~ethou9ht tn~~;hQV~ ~:ossed. . jfj~. your mtnd by now, thiS has: nottllng to do wl,th my sexual orutntatum. ThIS IS ~~' .. ,el't,out who r Qm, rather than the seX or gender of whomever r find mysdf '~]~;hYSi¢oJIY artr4c'ted 10'. Second, this IS nof -in on'twny yo.ur fault.. This is

> '··~·mply a po-rf o'f wno I anl,anG there is t]ot"ln9YOli erld" ,or ,coiJ[(tf."ha~ ~Ol'le .~t': 19Wfet'ently. which. could eilth~r hcweotllusea ,er c.hQne~4 this .. Finaltv. ll&ve ~~la.::t~u: ,veryrnuch, ClAd atn. not telling you t:. :his tocqy~, you any sort. of pl,in or

~~1tJ .. . -.

trouble, but rather, baeeuse ;r'mtlred,of hiding this from you any fonger. I

~. • • r" ~"6<.' ••• •

... ~r'·'fiope fhat in telling you "this and finally 'be.ingopen with you about such en

~ .. "

.' ,l'Pitportant pieee ·(ff who I 'am, that our' 'refntionship wilT grow as a ~$uft .

. '

Anonymous

33

- .. :: .. ·.,e ----

Out .f th'eS,hadow

J

ry

Wlhen I met Jerry his:fot:e wCIS'.wr,itt,enl on his bod¥. Tom, 'Q friend who WGS Q social worker" had asked if I would "rye as buddy tG CIi ma,n with AIDS. I og'reed and inervGusl:y went tomcet him. Itw~sSpokanein 1985. Most peoph~ knew no one with AIDS and few knew much about it~

Jerry was ob-o:ut my ctge. He had grow'n up catholic with a: devou1 convert mofher.: H:e hod been, in,vo,lv'e4: in his ,parish" pliayed

. -

th.e ,org;an Q~dJ song int1he choi:r .. But he had felt the. difference

, -. .'. ' _.' . . -~" .

that Set _I}ita .,attaRd. had struggled against it" He married on the

;',:. ::, : 'CI{clvice,Gf a co'nfesso,r who ossuredhim tho.t hisottractio'ftto other men would endoRce sex was ·available.It didn't. Two, chil-

. ~.J.ld Q dtv-wce tater , Jerry accepted that he was gay. He 1UOVem! hIJ the' big 'city, beoom.e ,odiv,e lin- Dignity/Seattille,songl i,n thti Say ~ehfs thor~, end inangar left fhe catholic Ch~rch be-

: ,. .

cause he felt unwelcome Os Q sexuoU_y active 9.ay man.

<: '~'I -

When I.met him ,at his parentsf home,. Jerry had gone beYO:fld biit!f!:erness (tRd blame-life was toosiher-t.He had ,com.& heme fo· die. Hispa~s, pfaitlfGrm folkRf<e I nacigrown up with,couldn't"understand thes~xuali~sues~ Stitt, they took him in because

Ji. _ f... • l - • ~ ~ ,

" they If,~ved ~im-he w~s t~ei!~sorL ~oth he ,and theyagr,ee4to be

- .... ~"':r. '.. - •

}J.te,v.~,wed tit televisiQl1" the flr,t fomUy in Spokane to. be pub ...

IUdy jd'e-nrtifjed withAIb5. aut his mother's pori:sh priestwQ$

,of raid to vis'ithim. He dfdco;me onoe wh,en Jerry was Itn the hosp:iml-after I ccfJed and shamed him-but only as far as the'door .. way.

34

, Dur; , 9 Holy Week Jerry and I talke-d for the last t~me. I on:1y

: . :emember ho: .,' the conversatilo'n en,de-d. Wh,en I hod ,raisedthe qu:es-

. ~ t -.. ., '

'~5~';Onbefo,re, he Ihad ;no desire to retur,n to the sacraments. :E?uri,ng ou

\i!''' -

.;~ visit I offered again to br~' 9 him co Munion, 1:' ~s time for Eater.

'~:

If~te 'r,.Ii,ea ,~th, ,gentle wor~ 'that I~odged~withi,ni m,e end ,continue to

~t~£he: -Thank you ... but it no 10 ger holds symbo'ic mean°,ng forme. it ~ Church h~ made, it abundantlry. ~Iear. rm not anted.,"

~.

~, .

,- .

~:' Shortly ofter Easter I received an early morning call from

~~': ,oJ"is,Jerry's moth,e1r. The doctor' gave him just Q few hours. Would I ~~l!1m:e? After OCllincelling classes, I waf to,fhe Adams' home,. The fami:ly

;fJ;fi' ,

~;-as eon i 9 breakfast, and his Gunt Gnd I stoyed . h J'e-rry in h,s

i;, oom. He was 'unr,espo,n:sive, st,rugg ,Ii ,ngl to brea,t,he~ I took ,h,is:and, f y' ke to him, to:ld !him he 'had fought long enough-t' at it os tilms to ~'" trust h,i.tnS:elf to the God who as ready to we come him prayed

~~: .

, . ,I; . ILo:rd's P~ayer ,and dbso' I uti,o n. Jer,ry began to breathe m.o:~e easUV,.

,i!.1"t't1l!tift. ever ore sholto 1)'. I called his fomi ¥ t we gathered aroud his

q -,', -

'. " andJ arty sflipped away.

Jer,ry ond' I became good frfiends i,n the s,ix ,o:rSeven ;mont:h,s I :e;w him. I visited him olmos "every 'eek. We tal, ad about many

It,ht,, . g,s-gr,owing u,p'gay, disease and death,sexuali:ty, gays and the

C . rch, God and Jes s. We prayed' together. I promised to be p:resent [J\en h,e died to help his pa'rents.

The parish priest came to the funerQI.

3S

" Ot,II8' --- Out of the Sh, ··dow

Pain meons

. .

.Se.e,ing ,the look on your face

. . .

As you wark through a hailstorm,

Of big,otryJ~Qnd lies .

··And f6Qri.A9' that Late-,night coffee ,at my house

The raJnbow rlbben on my book bag A,nd aU my belief lin' you ..

Will, never make up Fo,r o,ther people's blind. hatred

I,· ~

, -.,,,.

36

1'['

"'"II _

1) ,I/Iot like She-rmQn Alex'e-

, Q 8mI li'ke Jack Mc'Farland'-

~o •

. ~e's mo~e to me thon just . h,ts

. QtIB -'th,ing.

t(.,::

~.

~T:htQone thing, one side, one pecul~ri'ty

~ ~ :~_m~~y ,find ~oo anomoJous \

~15 • JittStlfy Its exlstenc:-e-

rm. a tad i;)it confused, I am,. Iarn.

MolT'age, memOage, marriag , Alii of the hip young queers keep.

Babbling on about it.

But my understanding. was that

We Quetrs got to-spend fll _ first 25, yea .sof our IliEs wisbing'B wer.e Dead. and normal G - d .11 of -'at - - Ho', ibJ'e shit

_. . ,

W ile e stNights pe It t sir fj 25 : ,H~n.9 Q, bfast. ,ond the Nrnaining 501 -Wis lng, sf were_d end, -otsel1iad

- Do n a .. .tI;IU"ied,

Per psQ.U~lemeq - i,e: 51 ,e~Qnsore(lhUsc il1(on, Is ~'th th.ose fivB, decmJBS 'of fun.

37

. ·,8tblf----

Outr·.f tit Sh -d,GW

On Why

As Q straight white male# I have been Q-s,kedl why I would choose to help the cause of goy rights. This questfonoften, seeMS to, be bosed o,n the presumption that a person shou!fdl be :pll',e~ccupjied soile!I'ywi,th th,e advancement G.Ad maintenance of their awn cuItQ~group. I came to sympathi.ze: with gay rights becQvse goys are human beings and I beHeve that human beings should be olitQwed to love the human being·Qf t~-eir ~hofee .. NOlt only thot, I also believe that this is OJ very Sihort existen~e fA this Material uniVerse and I think far too much til me iss.penlt with the ,ltons11r,uctiClIn: of anti-totem6 for ;people to ,rally ,aroulnd, Iraithe·r thanl flltcu$)~gl on what p.061'it1iY,ethi'ngspeopl'e desire for ,ndi,vidualexpres:s"olil ami fUtfnlme~ I WG'tfd Jj<~e ro thinJ< thot ther~WQs a time in this «:cwntry whenpe.Rpfe w~r~ mar~ apt to mind. tkeirQwn :busiFteSS rattrer than ,reoccupy themse;fves with the ~ lives of complete and total

~ .. , ,": ,--

~tNftge~S!. : '. .' ),

. ~ .. "

MfJAy,e:opte bdSetheir~p;G)1s,jtiQ~t,o t'e 're~ognlitio'n of. s~~e~sex COUp)les ,undertow GS_matter of reilig!io:U$ tlr8dition, ,not'through eXlerience

. with any same-sex <couples. Of ¢curse, to argue the semantics of someone's religrGUS Ilel~efs fs fol y'oecause of the problems whkh GriSe with using rea .. son'to counter"c pOSitieft that Memf people helven't reasoned themsetwSiAto >

,to beg.ir~_with, It is b~PI.aseof tlt~iS reiig;ious,.eonnotation orf the term tnar-

. ~. . .

Iriage thtlt I fee~thot the United S!,ates gover,nment has fo,stered excessive

erltQngjl~eht with re-nglotilS in.s1ritutiQnso Sinoe 'so manyfer¥ently bellieve that .: ~Qrri;~e is c sacred st~t~ ,~hat finds itielf defi:ned in many re~i9ious tradifiQJ1S",whether bcs:ed on reasons of shQme~ money, or otherwise. it becomes irrel(WClnt and only serv~ to nhlstr~e the point thot the United Stote-s

." r . I .

. sho,ul!:J Il\~t be in, the m:qrri.B~ "licensing business altogether. Although I feel

·.-1he untrted States shwW'not lIJe;<IRowedi t. g~Clnt mcarriage liicensesto any of

~ ,Vts'ttflrzeins, r'do feeltha:t so'malega) ,recognith'Jh' s,hould be grunted to long .. ,.Wfft\i ecw,fes ~Gt liv •.. ~ shore in each other's financialendHfe burdens. As

tml~h.:peD,fe··ti,.eGf the term cwo, union, it is mv aRvictiQn t at thors the on.ty~ t1ffe f~b:t the United St"es government has G right to grantatatl, without violatfng its pre-existiAg COt'IItracts wiflh the citizet1ry within its geo .. gra;phic borders kno;wn os the ,Cons,ti1J1uti,cm 'Gind litsBUl'Qf Rights ..

38,

· The seme-sex couples That I knG'Ware j.llJst CIS boring as theii' "r,alight

c~:, 'erparts. They 8X1j·St thro.ughout thesodal,-eco,nomic spectru.m, and even liver'ii Ciookie cutter houses in the suburbs andge tOI church on Sundays •. The es~ ~m1nf feor fhat exists among people who, oppose same-sex coupling is that s~~ game-sex couples won' have to hide who they love, 'extravQgance' wUl ~~dl epidemi·c proportions until t'he· famny unit is so disrupted if 'implodes on i~f'l talking the nation with it. Whi'le ther,e isn't a;nyth'ing in the way ofevi~Geto support this.claim, ,it does high.llg·ht thatpeop:Je are:cwilling to,say ,outr: 'ceous thingsi,nl,order to mainta.ina status quo that eond.ones the continual

Jt.. - -

h$!rQssmentof a poli*i~GUy' unpo,p",tar ·group". The reality of"" t-ne -maffer i r-egord ..

j~~,.Qf whai'everamount of ~iSRful fhinking .psopJs.liketo .teft! "J,e_mseJlye-$~ is

~".

:\~~ there hQvebeen, Qre~Qnd will continuei'o b~,same-sex-CWfJles., .l,h~y are

'~t. 90;."9 to mQgiccdfy disap,e8~ ~ and ev:en with continuation and escoJotion of fJt<f~!'i~Qt and physj~i violenoe, ~~'1ted .towar:ds them. fherew,;U ortty 'be more of

"_, I.: .

. ~~ 'lio su,;port them in being fteded as equals ~ this planet. If you believe in

, ~ - .

~~~e idea that same-sex coupfes ~ incapable of love for each other, then yollre

-·v·

,~~king an insUp'~O ... rtQ~Ie er..~ ailds~ng the ~. eden~ that anyone's 10. ~ for. '~,~1lyoneand anything, rneludlng God, IS always contestable regardless of dIsplays

..... ~,~~ -

:i~f 'commitment and affection. This is why the war is already over and you just

It,e yet t~ realize it . The more that'sorne-sex couples,' Imake it hno~~';of their , , Jnary humanity " the mOore everyone else will se~ Yiour per-seelinon tas Q. naked

, rot pBoiple- that may be so·me.what different than - yOIll~ Know now thot the

,~MagOnism towcirds same':'sex coupfts only serves to make it knOWn-that its ba-

:,.~.~5 fs without ,reOSOh ;0: ell of us.n t'hfs 'iMigmficcmt speck in t~ne Milky ?ley

~~ .. This has m~~ .~. dothef) just eout same .. s~ c:ou,J~. for, thase: "ike ~e,

JUst as tM-1960s CIvil rl!Jbtsmovementitad mere to dO·tharrStmp-ly blu1k voting

ij!ts; irs «bollt MW we .1I'eat the ~ we _ going to."- to live.tog8theF

, ItlJk~ en this globe and the f~ct thot, th.ere ·aN· thti)s.· of us willing to-Put',UP' G.

~At ~nd ~ake no~ in def~ of tl!eu!lder'tlog ill .~er to «void PII9 back to

o ~!'OeIfJ\Q9mQry utopia. ' .

f· .

'~l"":\"

-!U

'. '~.r

~.~ ...

'!!o ~

\'

Garret Grieb

39

Othelf -------' OUit of' he S ' a " ow

Culture of CategO:·es

We are ,11 cutture of cotegorfe5. In this uncertain worrd catego .. ri,es are reos'suring CIS they give us, Q sense of belong:ing. Categ,orie5 serve to fitter people: into separate identity',groups. Within th~se groups we find Q pliQ!ce Wliith ,others that Ire,l"Bte to liS;. we are united by a common bond that creates a conullunity we come to call home. This safe belonging of friends p'revides a. sense of beltlngl wanted, of being normol In a g:roup where the deWlnt minority becomes the majority" they are allowed to thrive CIS ,l·f there weren'O dlifferien'c~.. This s:llfe:haveh" the sanc,tuory 'hut Gcts es on e9ape ~rom the stress of society and itspoHcyof conformity, is not en.ougih. It lis not ,enouglh to oO~l1\bQtthe olJts:fde wo:rl,dl, ,a· much larger cotnmunlifY fOCUSing ,on the differe.nces of peopl:e and why they are autoMati ... cally wr01l)'9, arno,rol, (md ~nfutPeop:IB must not be simply tolerated but oCGepted wid'ely for who: they are, not who they hove the capability of beOQrAing If on,fy they"wourd try hard eno:ugh.

Wh:Ue CQtegories' do serve the vita.I,· purpose o·f providing Q, sense of bekm9iing, tcftey can be very detritnefltc:d ;when they emphasize differenoes

, ",

rather than focus on similari,ties. Our I.el-obsessed society can lead to peOJiB feeUnSJ~ cut off from mainstream society and cause people to.belleve thot th~e j·s so,meth'l,ngl inhere",t!ly wrong with them~ This is why even though t)terre may 'be ,foces: for the LGBT community tQ go to f.or comfort 'Qil'tld treOSSurGt\C8" such. the 1LgT Aeso1urce .cenharcm campus end HERO I the g,oy....strsgh:t cdliGtl'c8; tl\e<r.e must be G recognized atmosphere of diver .. sity r;ecog,nitioft 'Gndl em braQement .. It.:is n,otQccleptQbl~ toth.ink ,enough is b~ifl9) dORe since members of Q minority group CQA find ·their niche in Q re .. sambUng clique. We tn'usttook beyo,nd the 01'11 too simplistic filrst impres .. sions Qnd 'easy, nc:ifvg,. clasSifications to recognize thesimflarities within us on. This is how we see ourselves within others and how true acceptance begins.

Ali Orr

40

-----Ot,8r

D;Ono" misunderstand ,:he title,. it is ,not an admisslioll thClt I

f,,; ..; r .-

- .":(;;! . ave lost al~ e .tilm. , •• instead' here i,$ a great ang,EW ond hrt that

" ; ~ . lUrks J·.ust beneathm711 ,c41lcufated exterior', P,eJ"hops th.e h rt ,catTle first,

$' .i... . 'I. '.'

~l- f9fcing fhe Q, gel' to wen pie blood in Q ound, ~ renderi 9 of e

~. '. -fPagie fleshtlhat I ~cwe ,ar:mo~d; mysldf w,ith.. Yesl this: sounds: more I'~, Ike it. . y. mar is OlllBthing that I can ids behind, retreati far .1 ! _ back. urdU words ,~ ,actioRS. no, Ioftgerv,isiblycdf,ect me,. .It is ;tilotper},,;. "feet, and it is fQF from he4lthV .. yet it is the only defense at I ave

~,: . dev~lo,ped. . __

, ,

~ If: Th.ere ere r~olls for such defenses~" As early as I c.on rem:sm-

, -_ber irrteMCting wi1h other boys. I remember beihg br~f\ded: 06 different.

Take an incident f:ra I grade sdtooJ,·fGr exam,s. It as in,o c: as room Hita ,mcmyo,thers:_ acl1afklloard u,p front Iby the e;ntrcm.C8, .cIlusters of desks smelili, 9i of the genermions of children who, had i c a.& 'ted them. wlindows to the slide ,and r,ear,the teo:C!her~sown desk bebind us, ItwGS my luck to be in the same class. es -ano~er boy no had rel'ent-Iess y

:t, teased me forreo.r~,f,r. this Ipai,nt snell bayo_nd. So~etjmes I feeli that Ihe is SfiU teasing '. It .• :Iurking in the q iet reeesses &t my'mind:,. .rmig for me to Ir,8veal:too much ,sbollt myset,f before flicking 'd $Wj,tch, and fillingl me with sho_me ond em.boJ!rassmenf. SQlIlehow. I CllV..6 Jet him in behind

- - ~ ,.. - ~ ...

,my-armor. although! I refuse to Jet him ~ ' .. oW' that. Chihllhooltbu Ues

never leave us, they just grow mare subtle _ ifh 4ge.

This nart,'culor ~.'; th.e teaeher left fhe room for senne unim ...

'j;, '. r- u"""

.~~' ~_ . portent reason.. Fi, Any. bqt even as I wrilf£ his, I recd'ize hat r. mwet" ~ " .. ~ .... Iorg'ven her fornoit seeing c,:hat there were those in tbeclClSS 'ito mae

"fi,.i" - - -

,_ ". _ -e- _ ~ life miser~fe fo years. It pmnfuy ob _.·o~ to : y hou.· 'f

" .~ ... it,heye IbeeR.tior he"? Thea"'UIt 'iRma reQ'lj;as that she Ciouldnrt.hsve

-~ ..;" ~'. - ... ~ ~Ci'

. J. knG n. ,nor CGU she have fog"ht my battles ~r . 8. The Chitd iftstda,

,. "h •• ever., ref'~ sa to' be'lieve this.. Once s:ht;ll~ft. thecrtmos!phere ,of the.

l,i~ A20- changed shar ~~ VGice$ become ore rob asa began to ign'Ore

~f(,'" - ~ ~ -

~~~ - .,- JOur sc:hoolwarik. ,and iJisleadstarted!talkfnsi to QU_. Reighors. It's the ~#ii.

~j._if.r-~ :_, -

41

~~. ...

"Otlll'----

.

Out of the S,hadow. ----

','

same the world over: the absence ,o,f ,authority allows us to freEdyexp~ess ,oursetves,. UtlUzin9' the s'ud'de,n, liberty, ,0, v,oi,ce 'forced itself over the crGwd" ·H'ey, boy-girt'" It WQS"e; dreadful statement of fact, lacking even 'irritation to back it up. The class quieted ~ sUrely' I was not going to dHow such Q! c'hetlenge to go withDut response? Inside, Id'inged. This was no,t G new insult for' meta hear, this' same boy had' ooined the term ,trnlXch 'earlier and tls8G it wh.eJ:Ilever he. 'Could. I never heard it used on G:t'lfOfte but rna My face hcrdat'led. my breathing became quicker. A flush spreGd over my body GS I stared,straign,t ahead. The boy sat half a ro'Om behind! met I wished that he were half ,II world away 'instead.

The cl'ass watched'm,e pass,vety; ''1,u.iet now in their eagerness to see e ffghf. Their s1fence announeed whGse side they were on; it 'is' much easier to' "dartifywith the sfronger clf 'he two of us;;.-fhey ris~ed ,nothtn~~ My; Snerr" onl¥cQuS'ed the buny to 9:rtn; I eouid senise if like ak,ni,fe fomr thrGot.

·Soy-girlr'}J 'He repeated the insult, knowing from the laughter in th$ room <tihofhe"hQd dl'l!i8S 'here 'Clnd' I had none: t stilll' refused to turn, , 'hit CJoftfr,cnt ..

""'Seccmd:s fid¢edewGf, eacftQne slawer thon 'the I'ast. An eterntty would, haW. to pass before the teacher would/"come back. The bully had defilned me ,(IS neifher '9irll no:r boy, poWerless in o"dassroOhl tkat had yet to' learlA that gender drD8S not really matter. He misunderstood my

. nCffure,. s.eing I'n¥ shyness' anifpreferenc£ fejr thg company of girls os Q .' betNYci of whai' 'itmet:U\S tobs ~Q, boy_ H~, like so many product! of our S'Od,dy, believed that there i~ ""Ally one way to I:ie·'rfluf. ,ilhd: one way t;o be ,:'~, 'fle,mtlle,"Cf c(urrse,'tre'w;oUtd'rll'otlha~!' ~'een :Gble' to put this into W.,rds, ' , but tlte effe~t was t1ie same .. ·· 'V' bStrayrng mV'gsnder, I was ·see~ CIS Q

grQ.Up~~ ~nd alone.' '-- v ,

I .; , .;

'U. ~ .

" I wou~d give almost OR~irig' to be obte to say thetat this point I sioodQP. her,a styre~ walked ov~r andbeG'lihitn. righteously int«{the

42

O'utof t:haSha,doW8 ----Other

. _filoor'.Or ~ to sGythat I somehow u,sedmy s'u,perior intel~lect to turn the

cites, sentiment against ih,im, to shaw hiimfor the fooll that he is. to get

;:,1 - fhemto' I'augh at him. Instead, however, I j,ust sat th~re ,and took it, lis~~-:~'tened f,o the I'aughter andi the fnsul:ts -Iby th,fs time his friends' ha,d joined .... in ~ and' intemalizedlthe s~m.otion. There can be no worse: punishmen~t

•. ' -

~;:_ ,than f,grcedl :9ui1tt,a.n.d sham~ P:erha.ps, I Ir,emember thlinkingl, there is'

11I . so,m,e11~ing'WJ"on9wjthme., ,Self-dou'bt i$' ,0 strong weapon."and it hG\lnts m,e

tr

, to~hlis d'ay.

I',

Ev;en,tuailily the teacher came in and the class Iresumed', S"a will

:' :-rknowthe~~~_~~illher~lke~~

1I lencewos psychologlca,l, not fhySJCG~" and has hod reperCUSSIOnS to fhJS

~: ;,~ dGy: Speaking ,pub.telV lbeca~ terribfe ,burden 'fG~ as. ";1 N(lUzed

fnhof I desire' bofS roither than, gir:ls"tdiscovered that I would rather "~~ - shut .off i1hat lpart of me 11hirn.face it; thfswGS my way of sealing off the. .f' -wotmd. I ,did n.otwctft:t to !Jive thebufllieso'f imy rife more ammunition to ~1 useagaiinstme. Z,r;espondedi much: as I did to the boy in the ·cfGSsrGom~ I f., -. ignored Ira1'her1'han faced. 'Even now, writing thliS, I; have en£e already

uased nearty ,every word here. The onlythling that hu sav,ed this story ~l . :,~s the.knowl'edge that iiI: iSp"eci5~IIV m:y silence tb. has done the most ~.~ 'damclge .•

~j'''~ -

C

~.d",1:"Q".>

'" ~. ~ . The Dully has tought m.e thed- lit is my vOlice tlkot lis the greatest r.~1oo'!1 thatz hav;s. Byshar,j,ng this' story-t'hov,eexGrcised Q portion,-of tike ~Jwr-t. leAwng ,a new angar,. S'temmitt.g·tess from lirtjiuryand mora from: out-

~~<- ;'\""''''2: .iIf':r... atoti.he.~s 'II-art. ,."II-r.o-'Ii.' . "'.'hi' .'~. S-~Ii"'" '1:1. -. -,-5.,'.' ;.:' W- - ,- .. r~· .. '._ -.-''-:I~I-'-·· .,1-" Th-- "

~_ '1In_ .. _ .. _',f. _ .... fit .ugn I' .~ -_'Her_",DCe: •. , er .. o,~e ... n alOP.. _. e

- .-

~~lIIJ, has Inot lett.!' br:rt now' he i:s wef~el'Aeti ,CIS ,0 reminrJer';Gf w:h0t;even, ,our

~~~Itdren can ,do i_f . ,not IPrep.s)"l., gUided. I lhave feu,rd strength in the need ~,:~",.,fiUld 1i1h~m: frQJ1l the: shaming,-teehmqUBS'fliItat ollrsociety wiillu6e. !':,,~~~js' lisa IparS',gnoll,caJIJI t,o arms; I sbfill"@ it with, -you in the hope thot it will

~.~

-',~. '.heJin thepro9BSs o,f ,snl!iight,enmen't,.

J.ffBov ..

43

Otll.r----

Out o'f th Shad,ow·

The shared ,experience o,f Ameri,cangoys makes them 0 mi:nority race.

I use that,word, race. delimenrte[y. because j,t provakes, specific connotations and provides more insight than eatl'in§' 94YS G'sexual! minority,' or worse, simpl:y Q\ "sodctl group: What ~f1kes 0, rtree? As alI~Qntfess S1c:ienti,fic: and social projects ,have recently proven" not 'biology. Reees are made by society and drawn according to arbitrary Unes. As scholars are quick, to poi!ntout, A,mer'iean children ,of white aRd black parents are considelred bl~ck b.efo:1'e they ore considered White. white in othuc)1.IJttries where whites are aR es:teetnedminority, children with equal white and block her,itage are considered white before b~I'ac:k. The ge1nefic: var,iation betwee",~ho$e ,of dj-fferelnt ~a., is mi"I'~o:l, CI.nd

.

simifar skin pigment is Q terrihle inc!f'cofor of shared Un~Q'ge. Huwever', os the

Qonch.lsfonl of this pa,per rest. on" the vnltdity ~f t:be concept of rilGe,. it would be preR1f1ture to sfGp,Q$,ing tih~~ idea" es,ecial!ly ~hen society ,Q$,awhol'e' stilll believes in race whaf,e ... heGlJ1'edfy. HGweveP, it must be recognized that races are socieli GQnd~lJets, based: G,RI shared heritage, shared cul:tllJre, and most impGr'tantfy; shore-d experiences.

I hove 'liof addressed, Citnd do: not intend to Clddtoess, the debate over the possible bicd'ogicat basis for homosexuality. This debate i,sirreievant to the idea that gays f,or,m ,0 v"did !rcu:e in the same way that Americans with light sklin ~sid~r themselves 01 the. SnmB race as of hers with light'skin, regardless of Q:lJ\y recent f,Q:mUicd ,relat,lonship'" I,n femt. Q COmml)h famUyis not Q prerequisite far race. Fu '~mpte, w.hi't:e ~.((ly-e.;.hOJlder.s ac,ivelV pJ'olnlGted the pra°ctice ef

. I . -...x, ~

sqmN~ng fttmiUes:_ to diU()'''J!QI.,i~urr~tfon_ bu.ol'r modem, d.scend'ents of

• , #- •• ~ ~f . • ! ".' .

A~l!'i(:o:ns Itv,mgi i!nl A,merica still shar,e.thekinsfdp of the .411rjc4n .. Am~.rican race.

, '" .•. • " I -,. - •

Y es, *($ IIid"sN, is soc ial I)!: ~m$truc,_te<l bI!lt oltf,e,iefy h4s f"';iCed, homosexu ...

ells mto (1 ruqe'IQs!WIH. ~Yf., witf\; their shared fccp of :public' out'ng,' shared

,sUb~etie.A ,·tor rbrli:cvte-, Cilnd :shareei,lack:'of Be'Ges. tOsqlJal: I~gml tr'eG~£nt, slmre i8MU§:h ,01:& common expePi:er"!~8 fe :httve ,earned fhii1r-' pOSless:i'bin of ,Q 'rue.f tkeir own., Yes# of ¢Durse. alit gays ere multi-Meiol, and.o ho.ld the race grcmted them by the,i!" skin tiohe :ond Qntestnll i"tity, but .9a.ys~ regard-

", ~s of, ,~netic heritage. ore also members of a homosexual race.

44

This, hKlds ,quite ,quiic1klly t,o' 1h.BctGiIR that hatredi .• di:str,imirmtlion, ,cmd "': _imda ,Qlimed towards gays ,are Ino" ho:m,~ph.'biQbllt 'Nlc,is:rn •. 'B,y d'enyiing' :gGYs "if ~.WDrid tioo'", to' ,d'es~ribe thtl ~eat~ they f,ace, society ,all'so' denies tihem,

"0 ';~wle!dgeme'n' fha.t theyC!lJ',e. the !heir.s' to,lhe Ilo'n.gu.d' ,distilRgtlislhedtradi,tionl

iU .

~Jfdjhele-ast iin "Gaefy.As Orwell II was ,earefull to' note li,A1984.. tihe yeer ,of my

1Yj. ivf~. liiv,enl an ,enemy to ihate,. peop,l!ewilli all'ow' 1ireatment f:or'others t,heywoul'd

, .'

,':. ~;f Msh f,o:r tihemsel¥es .. IHlmoph.Q:bia does: iROt accurately des"er,ilbe11he treat-

, "g,ays f,ace" Yes. som,epeop'ledo'fear gays,. bUlt fear lis net the Ibiggest prob ..

. ~Y~ the I'arg,est hurdle fi€l' the :9." "ace is lu'nwurraot,edl, im;perse:mll, Ihate.Per.,J1il~_s; tih,e Gcodelm.ic ,exp,'I'cmo.tio:n of hernopho,bia lis ,not f,eo.J' •. Ibut' ,he, RedUcatedl .~~oqtrans1;d~es'~he 'word ~U6. GRd~ isfher·efore quicik, to' dismiSS i'~H'oweverf

:~.~~:'dt .... '; the ~ enli9h-:d .• ,Ate ... ri~ns GJ'e Gbleto r.,ecG9~~ ~ rcail at -~~. WO,-drGCllsm •. As the plight of~s lIS CGIUlSed not by aQld~lCSbut by cvery-

~~. ,Amerk11n$. iMcis:l1lm.ust .,ephtee homophobic. in, the Ameri,ccQRv,oootNlGry •.

~~ ._

~:~ : I do not wish to demean the ipl'ight ota'ilthose in history 'whoho¥e. hod

~,- ~

~i& m'isfortune ·o,f Ibeingother than G White lmole. A,ddi!tionaUV,. misfortune is

(i\~1y ,(I, stron.9 cinoU.gh word.! ,ac:btow'l'edgetlhBt the suff,uling ,o'f ~men, •

...

~r~, Native A Itnerics ns, Laf1mos. ASlicms,. ,o.nd .hlCIn¥ other gr,ou,ps has been,

~ggeo.ler tihrollghout .hiiStory thaftl mv oWrLI acilmow'l'edp the Irebtiive!l, lunique $l)illity ,.f the ho:m:osexua'l' to Ihide ",omo:ne~s o:wn racial iidentity ... IH~wever.while :~hwork.rem:a.jns:tG' be done 'o:n the Ibeho.lf ,of the ,of,oretnmtioned !groups:, ~~o1':t'lety ,GS:a whu,le believes i,t ha-s rig,hted~h.eirwron9s:, ,and ino .sudh,cllGiml Ihas

~" or: --

(Bi~-". lmod'e tioward~ th.e ho:mosfOO/JoJ Irace. A:mer,ican society. ,slthaugh ehea:d alf

~ world at ~. is for the most port still beholden to the belief that it does :: 'Wf'QRgl fio,fh.B homGs~uaI Nee.. .

As ,a, 'white ,ma'e; 1 hold e distincflNe status CIS.O msm1bar of th,e prli,vi" ,~ ~ r:,·~m.a,jiority, ,andllnot:I h:o,~I'd tJieS'Gft18. statuS' h.el'd' IbY t1he~:trGjght'!b'I'aek lmala"

a 'i'= •

. ~ SlNightwhiite f'eIIflo'le.lc8Rlseewl1&t it is lUke, te.betr,eated ,as I 'w,ish to

'~;;~ ~ated, and ·Ican fte· wIurt·'it li:s' Ilitks 1., be ket.I ,can, see where ,ewnwhii,te ~eWW~I:ng,sml 'wheN Vlelflf'e S11iftwr;ORgI, IbifliIccm,a1~s:o' see how' my OMl, va.ee· was wrNnged', Gnd ligslti1ll 'wrongedl•

45

.. Otber ---- 'Olu'tof the Shadow

AmsricdJs, national! consciousness is totallY subsumed 'by two pivo'talis'sues: ohortionanri homa,sexuaUfy.W'e, I;o"fi""" Supreme Courtnominees,B1ect offieicrls. Gnd even datermiRe aur Feligious or poUtiQlI, uffiltatiQ'R based simply on

, ,our o'pinionswithia ~-hese two debates. ,gnoring hClfld hitt,ing' and c:ru(:ially hnpor .. tel"t wor'ld issuasr<lftgiRg from our troubled edu~atioft system to our failing ecoln~ omy to 0 r ol\going occupation of Iraq.

Yet just 0 short ai:r'plane. Iride. ,away. in the Un,ited ~ngdorn. our' British frienaS'nave tegGU~d unionsfior same,..sex coupl'es. Their nati'onal attitude towards_hot'RCilSe>CUdliity is ohe of gcneNidisinterest at worst ,and! totGlaeoept,ance ,at &e;st, cmd dborti~n ts IRat even OR, issue j:fI, t~e public. eOQIliZGRce 1ft tke ",oment.

While de1'fler,tniniR9' how; the. En,lish ,Clift be s,o disinter.ested jill the abortfOR issue is ani",teresting; stud:,', my presentco:ncern is the 'lost difference in ,cultur.1 and Ratio,nal ,.fti:tQdes 'hJwar,ds: homosexuality between Britain and Amerlim. ,Cwsi:nly" whire sfigf!t,f"GtdturG(, differ;rmces do il1dee:de~ist. the 'two countries ,a"e ,fa; tnQ·f;',e Cllik~ ,tnan tihey laPB dtffepenf;; in, faIt _ outshie of some differing dece:r:litl$ Glnd ~~$.,Ii~ _tween AlM1!'ic~,bars an.d Brit,i,sh: pubs ,i,t is difficult.to claim thlll lour 'two sociat"es a,e ~bstQntjall¥ dissimilar. W~y, then .• canft the Americans str;a, bickering,ctbout th'eq;ueers?

For ,0 pro,per ClRSWer t we rnust look CIS far ba.ck as August, 1954. The Heme ~e~etQrv qf the United Kingdom ~ppointe.dl Q group wltftin. the government: feo.d !by Sir ,JiQbn Wolfenden. to qonsider hqw British lawsbould aaer with homo .. selW'Ql efien.s.rl ltJ'egtillbV way of the .Cr{,tqinal Law Amendment Act of t885 as well as years of ClG¢s,tedi common law. Indeed~ 1895, aMI the two year internment of writer Os_ Willae tOil" offences 1I"e,Iated to homoseXuality, and it is cr~,r that well into tll.s I'SOs B:ritGin confinued trO ptintSh homosexucd acts, even, thoseeondUded

I[n priVlli'e. '

111e Wo:l!fenden report. thcntg-nt.ewt\1tially flub 'shed in 1957, ,offered ti~ ha~s~C:\' .~ts pereformed inpriv.te between consenting.GlduJts should be

". "_. • ...... J. t.

dec-t",imiMt&zedi. ~',"ivGte immorality." th~y deemed. was not within the j.uMsdiction

of~erQw ..

•• '0· This report spawnedl • humber of British j,uristl'who '~in pontificating dll tile n.lJli:Q_tiotlS of tne stoQtefne'R!Ir. The debate b-efiWeentord'atJ'rtck Devlin and H.l A Wart ,'~*(JPS {Cha~~eri~es tlPsd~iII the _s*, Qltd -phi osophePS CO"-

tilWeto) er-gu.e abwt fflS ralati"Oll of taw t~fll~ity. ,,~.

_. ,. - - ~ ~ ~ -

Ii' W4SR~ until 2003. Glmost 35 years oher the British Sexuat Offences

Act cAd G tuB 45 YeClfS offer the United Kingdom's first governmental recognition of G problem in· its statutes,. that the Uni,ted States finally joined in striking down raws a.sail'lS't hotn~ eets, l.owre"ea..: TeK4foverruled the 8Dwersde.cision,

-. ~ "c .

. ,~, ' '~ng 'wnih sta1'e dBCiA8 only' sevenfeeJt years after' lits, prevl~us deC'i<sion;and

:;.i'th one jlJstice. aCennor, switching' sides. ahttough for very measured reasons

, ,ich she outl'ines lin a separately written cone rrigopilnion. It is interestiRgto "'~,''''-l!le here, that jI, stice Sc Ods d'S'!eimng,opinion is,wr .. pped p in the .Roe 'K

.' ,::. ~M(adeGbortio:n case,:per aps Q furtar offlrmat<ion of the observmtion that our :~oilnttlrv lis, indeed .• ,obsess:ed w·thr1,hese,o ,issues.

'. :::. . The Uni ed I(i 'gd~m·s deciSion to fegdim SClme ~ uniops in' 2008 after

" .. , ~ e leadl ·af such ,entel1Jr,isling ,~ount1ries' as the ~tlher I. nds, ,CaRada .• 'llnd!Spo.:ir},

:. ,'" ,as>nDt $0 ' ell CI shoek G. Q p'ece-of political "Rgling as it , .. G Inatur.at.P 0-

_.-" 9P£ssion ,of IMl1onaJacceptance. IFrom 20001-2005 Br,ifmn'SQ '"lige step$! tmn iF':~ ~th, iRg,overn~ 'af and social spheres culti\'GtinS, natrona, Qt.,,' c;,_~;~;:J?IS

, C9." ,and le$bian5, frl'~ t e aooo :liftirtgof the !ban on homosexuals i~ ~" ,~_, ,

t~'- ferices.'h), the 2003 ·Cr,iminal, Justice Ad toughening, seD:terrces o. Ih:omasexaa . 'l"'~ - fa crimes. sfil # tI\-e ~r·tydf fhe Un·teei" Iglfo ·s~·to'~

J:, UDJ,~l'irty didnff actUa;;I. 'beg.ih. to lhappen unjiil t"en1id-I9'Os~.'a'fUU ~.o'Pa'$ ~ after the Wo~feaden ,rqdl"Ys su~ions were:in'lPI~mmttG. . ',:,,.,, ~ . "':-"

11\. .\

~: ' If Btake fihe~,i.",iflalization. ofhDmeseJmall Gets ,os aymodstick tor

t social acceptance" it is c~'that the United States cvrrmtly faces such prob~~, Items with horno$eJ«IGl~1y .sia\plyas Q matter of ,course_, CIS G sort of ·srowing up~" ~'"

:~ 1967 to 2.005 weISel s,pmlof 38 ~ before same sex unions weR. officiallyrec-

¥ ognizedi!R England; if fife 'United Stpes is to fol~O.·w the SQime lpath e on' see ~~.~~smne sexuniOas untit ~t l'ttc&ed, by tke same ~ the armed forces won't

(" allow out memb.er$ '1 2036, there olft be an out cabinet rnember of the goY-

.~"" er:nme,nt ufttii 2033;, ,a~d, It 'oa~:e .. en, have Cln ,o,penJygey iDrab ~Qn, sei.tor ,o.r

;/ , Gongressma nffl 2010.· '

'~~:"" 'let the United States 'has.,n imporJcmt: st~ps far ,ahead' o,fthis "

? · 'time fine. Indee4~ states oU over tlte u~ion G.-e·'offerL9 pro ed, ns f~ ,o~ ~t!sextI4Js end thai" partlnersGRd families" scuneparts of film. Umted States ~e ~. .csmj 9 irrtreGsing'Iy"frjendly ancl open t . " . ~ tlefgh'bmw' d co, '~'. ··rkers, 08 some states .-, e 'even attempted to make civil !u~iOQVai:~' to ,~." , ) -. sex, ~ujJ.B$ .. ' In~" peo,j1e in Amer,i~. Seem, ,"0 'be 11'0 "ni - creasingly' ~' .. ' . e."f'tite· useofter ',fo- hq~fityQS>terrnsofder~io ·(eo rasted

Iltl1 the IB,~ ·ish., iWko use 'SUdii teMlSIRWeiry 'GO",~d to .Atnerieans)". ,od til re,.. . , , '- iilflwc'ef_dicrttentio-n " ~: 1M fes" "th p oj. t OlftOSeX rt"o-'~

~,:," '~tps may signal asarto,fdt.'qi1ead ,of iifstiltne. . ' .

" ., "'h. ps Ens'le cfsreferh\S iJI act as CI sort of guidi 9,*9. t f~ Ame~O_

", em policy,ftKlkeFs The BriO.' ~Sh I we p8p1ulps. po: etf,' 'e 'Sf' fO'r ArneriGJ homo ..

'~ .

:. ~tJdf~~ ndi A1nei",iCQ .. ou d eto, eU to follGw their bDfd ~~(L The pNgl"ess of

. ': t ~ &BliSh. °t ~/'~ 'da~: A. ~~ to prl9r~ t~~d$ III state,'of ei 'Iity

.. - - .. - • 1.-

We q:m emly hClP£ " . at this i!tI be the

Out of the

----'Ot,ilr

41

8tber----

'Howl

A' alnsldel'lIble I1mQilnf uf deIJl1:te It.' deileltipedover the issue of homosexuality tlnd tIls a«eptQncB of gayCind leGbian'persDnG as full people into our80clety. Wilen, looking at gay an(/fe$bil1n isstl88, it illmpIJrlant fa examine the ;H/JU that htWe led iI/I' to the t1ppreGsion of tJ1eg:ayattd lesh1ft1R' ftl'hire ad exmnilla Irmv Itfstel)' IIlIlti till!l! ba~ Qfleefed this etltegllpY of people tIltdll~ t/t11$S people's exJ$tell~ IJI1$ p/Dyed a fJi1rl' in sodsty ot larga. Gentlei' roles hflve bStm tfllJtlrf itiI Western $lIciety sinrs the nunler/giJtbeNr days of tile put millenni4 These rl1,fe.s RI!WB etfJ1J'Irihuted to the e.ufJVfeM sui,,1 nmYll8 thllt have IMldvuteirHy abussd and negfeded tlrre gSytllld IUblanpopu!aJian resutfillJl in dramllfie and flllRe_mryannihilfltion ond disU'imil1t1tion sf the LGBT etnmJllYty. TIle sodaJ eonstruct of Sa. rDle ,tereo~ htl$ «I~ Iflffect. beth melfJ tiJldwometi. 1IIese: ativeJ!5e dffects resitting in d/smRlillflt/on and fem'" 0" Ille gs}fand lesbillRcommunltf Itave left tile AtnerictlRie.ulmN ;n Q $ta'Ie ofdlsmwlyo.nd I'BGulted I'll geRti8l'fUJI'IM t/14t,0'Fe Ilot eontli1civa to' tits wJtole hlJ/I1I1II pei"$(J11, gay Dr s'f.r8ight. TIts flIJ~e «fhh mdy is N~iJfe /iDwIJJJmflphq/Jia t!d~YtlfflNt5. the w"" tIllI $(Jciety pert:eiVBG Me warld (lRrrJ sAn,w II~wnOJt: (fI1l1y,t1F11.fP8I"'I'?~"" I!fffJ,cf'ed divmatiCfJl1y by this

tiiscrltPinafion, bill 'lt4' our own bit1S'eG and JurJiments haVe rBsulted I'n oppression hued on g8flrier (/$ wtdf. The lmpll~Q"t111S o.ffhese' ffRdlhjG'tzre d/scuued trf:fhe conclusion "fthis repurl.

~ ~ . .

,Gend'er Role Dscrirnintilition fowQrds ,Gay Clnd Lesbian 'ersons'

and fits Adverse E'ff.<tt-on 50a"e.,,~

", ..

. It is irnportllll1rt 'Dr ,us as onGlllipn and atsDtQ$' hummn beiJ!9$to' r,e,cogl1iB. that we

share this 910be with bHUa ~. of peopfe. Jlecause of 'his it l$. ,imp,orfant to I,Jnderstand how we itmn'refateCUHure to' eu'iDril and titbw murattioflS ~ BV a parf in the 1Jves Qfothersand how, flleilr (JVesUin aGt:v.el'sel~faffec:t our Ciwn; l'fIlus" if ib olir ownr culhire we sua greGt n\llmber of di:serimmcd'ory acts f1twQrdsomosexU41! persoRS. a have to ex<imine how those acts then reflea- itCilck tJp,R IUJi" ~Dcicrtr as a. wh,e1S'., 1ft ol'!tlief.to G'O thiSi~ wa mus't firpf waderstGntJ! Iproblems ~,.; eQ\tuse~ty.haswiflJ f!te: homosexual: po,p:ufQf:iGt11qndr be dbfe tOl co,mpJ'reh~ tha. i.ns Clnd

oats of why our SOCiety is $0' 4nt·'·eav~ , "

".' ,:," ·1Jnf4ftunBtd:y. the m*"',ityltfres~h published to' Galee ~"l re'lation, ,to hom.oS8xuolifiy h:as iu~etl ca~eped ,Qh1¥' wifh ,1Jlle bome:seJ(uill's ·prah"lmns' •. onCil' WJIfft: fhe etiologvof homo~,. Utf.1s I ffle as 8% «,f p bUs~~ ~I"'. has g8(lt~,wi:th ~1titUd8S~ tqw(U~omosexu~ls, 8fldlless sfdt hus l!leen eo:ncg,me;d WI., perceptions of cmd '"Iiefs, Ci.bout bOJTl~SBXuars.tn, thIS Ilflapolr'f~ $~&~ of ntIIe dndl f,emtlla)ltufiu'S~JWGts~ ~tlItUMd in, the 'col1te)(t of muculinefeml:nifte-1:l'iIlJ~S usi.;~ pmanalltyJ.At ;~ ·&ufu·~'Uesfi~ni1Gire. Res l1'S st.fO:AgJy $up(i~rt the view ldI.Q!t ~.~ ~ ctefniifil;!1Q'(I~~H:r,bfSh·t~UQnwrekr,en~ poiDt fill! the,Ubbr:tlefJflitio.n of hO~l,e)!c:~ Pl, "~1"~ ,t'83)~ A$,w;e QG,Q s~e~}1L:!bUJ~.rtof illU.r, 'cultHr('J"~:wi. homDslOOHII persoJ!lS is oW" oWll· LlnCkr-.,mndi"9~ of SQ"a!,es Qnd·~h~~e ~.~ as ~te 9n~ f.emal~, m~wline and ~cniE* ill\e'R' W w,o.men arf"'tha VG1(~' rolU' for whidh eachoarn, is l'I~ponsiblB

~Bwn6if,din •. I'!!J4).'" ", '" .,' . c" . ,"

: ' 8Qmst~q ~g.El$tsf, soci~s i~ ,es h sexual orian1lati:anmayht1V8 to' do more

~fll.geWer.t~f;l'gslOJ!P~:S~ ~s~4It1y, fop wh~t,eXQ~tlv do,~ it ~ml! 'hlr G ~Qn t~"bBat· tfla~ t. S. mo, G woman .11'0' Ib~ QtfN~ te' ,0 wQman". or (I,mQ!,'to be.attracted to a woman? To ~.f,pQtn; d~ a Mertdsbi, turlt into' some.tftUig' mort:AQt.d how dQ ,we tell' Is the "answer jus1'« ~h;lCt. 01' i~ ,"eri,'Sbmethmg::more behind wko we,end up failing, f,(lr? Whtlt' .>coaly dete:rmiines G phVSi'~gttl'4tticm 'to Q person. o:fORS gender over the other, Gna mor&~5G'bow do ,these pIt~t and psythotcg14C1t ¢ ar«"teristtd 'affect IOU soaetys 'ew5 towards homu$8xual

... f~

48

/

Ih- ... " _

r

----Other

,-

.

d heterosexual persons? These are the ques!ions that this study wiD attempt to ans'wer . . ' ." iEUmbe.fh Haste exanunes how feminist thea,,' as have confronted existing social

&. '.:' aries (2:998,). Haste uses metcaphorto "!femate how social' consfructs of gender perpetuate - ~ - dar ro'es in Wests,-n society., She describes the metqphor o,f dualism that existsprimllrily

.. :- Westefh'culture, inwhic::K the world is viewed In fermS of "elther/or.Q ,Masculini1y is the -t:.irit of ~parture fNm aI'mosf any cultural perspective, with feminini1y being nother" (Darr. ~:l995). Gender 'roles themselves are fhe concctave fhat separilte gay and lesbian persons from

. _ ,-tto sty; 11tese socialno,ms hcweomaci'zegso many f:r,om society at la_rge. and these do not "i/fI, ,U$t ,Pertain to homose)(UQI persoM • .but l'Iother any person lying outside these g,ender rules. ~~ - 'Everything in our society tells us 'h,at e mus conform to the social constructs of ~~der ro'les in or.r to bea part of Cl'society thot !s based solely on the fact that a mQjority ~:;:~b"flpeIl'S'Dns are born 'wirth, either a penJs' or Q vagiM. findings suggest that college-.e at text~:))-ooks "'lIlY be~e'nff)rcingrigid,genderdjsrtin~ons whiilenegledilt'9 yQUI'i9 women's;needs t-o ~~'de dopgreoter flexibilitY in theirgender'- role' conceptions (Anonym/ous, 2000). So/Within the t;.1'mssroom.we,o.on see reinforcement of what men are ~~posed .to do and.~:at ome~ Ore sup'P ,;tposedto do,. Mdtes have become soaa::utomed fo masRlng' therr true emo:t~ons ~ it seems ~tk.second Incrttr~ (Zmarkly. 1998),. Throughl these getider 'rctles' sac.:ew·RDS- Greafecfa bl1lm7' ~~ew ·of thewor·fd that aU are e.ded to me: d i:nfo:. wheni ih reixtit; thtN clre, s~Mt'frU'fhs,

~;·!~~!:::=,=j::~~~;:~:=:::t.::;~~~tr::;~

~~ ,girl tmngs" ((ioilden, 1998). U'ewise. -During adore$""ce;:girljlwd~1;_ii'~~'~'f'*~m~ ~JG as their identity beco,fte$l,~Bd to a feminine, exprasiQ~~~ i$~~r.il~im,~~!J:Z)1 W1P. ~m to 1he norms and rules gO\lm1riftg: femininity'" (kaptan~ '1'97). This ~aifti h~wtri9ht f",om ~.~ begirming wear& systematicaly separated iftto two distinct eafqori~~' €~W:e: ~ le-arn y$6'~'eyGndtrustthe ·nwms of OW" society. We hove pink ShoeS· for bAy~ e1iBf1~ $hoes ~~m"lbaby boys, automa;ticaRy ,infants by gender. However,. 'hese MItts GaftHOt 'be f6fiiiwed by :~~e perso.ns who do not fit (ltong traditional gender Ii~. and hM ~eGted hursh'biOses· end ~: __ gative serntiments t&wards 1hose people who do not flt'those disffnct gender rolu. One of

~ifes.lt major graups is tke homoS8JCUGI' popu.af,on. ' -

~,,; . Stere.fJ''fype$flf 6t:tya_nd Lesbi'fln PersDns

~jI. ;for many in the SCI)' and I.bian. ,communfty, biosBJ fcworing the social

~~t of ,ender norms have bien -the hil9est hur~1e to partltipa1\ion in sodety as full and ;~lt1ptete human t;erngs. For manY. these sodat no· ms have cost Q dak shadD over ~ emire ~. ,~in1itJnity.fO'rcing upon fhosefhcit are flay or !Iesbi-cm fOr years G "Me of sl1ama. closeting ~~t. ift tkeQommun~.G.M.. H~ek Ireports thilt scm'sty's view~ on horn~sexuali1y c~n be de-·_~1fred through the words homopbobia ondheterosexuaUty (1.990) •. Society's retl1lnkingof ~tial orientation as orystalfized in the term -holl\l)photJia. It which h'Bteresexuo.l psychologist ~ ",:'''if'ge 'Weinbe. 9 co"ned in 'the tGte 1960. W:ein1>erg used homophob'o-to I.abel heterosexuals' ~ "'1!·id ·0·' being lin elosequarters wi,", 'hotnDs~~ as wiu as hcmoseKUalS' self loath ""9. The

~ .. ~ .;f1:t fi,st- qppear~d inp-rinf ,int96:' ,and as subseqlHntt.y disc-uss8d at Jength in' Weirlberg' s "='§t:tboo1c. $1I~iBty tine/the Helfffhy Hl1mDsektxz/. The American -~eri'CIge Dictionary (1992.

e.:ailicin}.tefines nomoI' ob"1.1 allaversion to gaY ~r homosexual peoplt Or their lifestyle OJ" cuI .. ~tu~o.nd'llbekavjor or"QA act based on fhis: 4\'£1"$'0I\.:u 'mheF deftn:itions identifY 1(omopho!, s as

~~.' rami feue:' homo:s~UQlity. . - '. ,- -",

; . ,i". ".- -Aroumi'fe same -time, heferoslOOsm qOh to be usedclS a term arifiJogoJ$.'to'SBxism ~ a~~i:Sm,'d'escrib'Kg an fChlufogiObI s?stem that denies, denigr«tes, ahdstigrMtizes any no~

. 7u _ '··eK -, 'for:m .of beh 'Vie , identity. relC:i4l onshilS~ or eommunity (Herek,1990). The term

q ~~J ~~~~fkigk'!9~ts~e pGNlfelS lbetw~. Qnti-gay<s~n~mentand'o!h~ forms of prejudice, i1' s ~ ~gS ~elsm. an:H-·SemlfiS'm. and 5eXiTs,", We ,can see 111 sIdea1 as ,0 primary reason' why gays

a ' . _"«ns are consiCifer-ed outcasts 1n o· r society.

-" .: " like institutional r<lCISm and. se;asift. heteWlsbism perVaGBS sociats1 customs Gnd

49

,Oth.r----

l1adow

_ ,

rnsfituttol"lS. It operates throu9~1 a dual. process of invisibility Gnd attack. Homosexuality usually remains cu'ltu~QII't in:vis;iblle:;' wheln people who engage, in homospual behavi,or or who ore identified as homosexual become visibl'e. they Q~ stlbj.ect toa'i:tack by society (Herek, 1990). This is evident not onty in the physical number of hate:cri'msS' t~roug;hou~ the Unired States# but 0150 in 'psycnologi'cofatta,cks:01n pe!l'sons:. su,chl as blllllyi:ng and harassment l1hattakes on, many di,fferent

farms. ' ,

Examples ,of heterosexism in the Unit~d St-ates include the continuing ban against lesbian, and glilY military personneli;widespread laok. of 1eg_(I!:1 pNttedion h"om antig,ay dis,crimilnation in employment. housing. and services; homllty to fesbtan and gay committed relationships, recently dramati~edl by passage of federol and state laws against siune-gender marriage; and the e~stence oif sedomylaws liln! lmore than one,.11hirdofthe statu (He~ek S'90). ItwO$ no,t until: only five years ago that sodomy laws wa(;'a over ,turned in Lawrence VB. Texas by Q Supreme Cauri decisioR. Up un:till five years_C!l9.o,people. were. still being arrested for engaging in forms of

sod'emy.' .

. 'jhe assumption that eV8'¥one. in the world is ~trai9ht has been detrimental to the

94')1' dnd fesbiQR~Om"l1uu1y. especiallv when orie,ntation i~ depmdent on Q. sodal construct such os 9:ell1~r. eVeR: 'wit'hin 1'he 9GY oommtln·lty,. there are stru9gl'~ with g~der r,glles os: gay me'n are more socially re~cted; than ~bians. Prior rB$~areh e){Q~i"jng g.e'nde.-r role transgressions has glefle~ally obs£l!'_Ved thl1f~ although, bol'h males qnd femalesqr-e likelv to be evaluated less posi,.

.,:t~Ve:liy wh~rn,fhe:y ,d'o not oonf,ol'," to gend:er 'fOre stelfleotyl~,.males 'end -to Ibe vi,ew.edl more negativery #tQ~ fCft1(Iles ",hen they transgr-ess ""del" roles (A'ntUJ., 1987:. Archer., 1984;. McCreary. ~94)., WhU'~ there still remai'ltS G serlse of privilege in the homosexuall community., primarily ,favOrinJ IJpper cIQSswhJ.f\e ",."", itse~n)S thot this. is' one of the biggest tr'Q.I'I:!gressions;. Our ~FW~"~? is:.~~alo,.cenfric (80rMtehJ. 1994.). Everything is ,d'~enf on a male Perspective, and "''u~. ¥l1t~q P: IMle is; observed puffing away from that . cultural ideal, then he is SBen: CIS less than

., '. '~J1d CionsJcI'ere:dmore dlJvi~t than Q, w'ClmaR w~ho ~iesfo ob,toln fhl; Qultur,a.11 Jide.a'llby becoming

-v.. t1tq~ 11\ ·.Q.m.,(a_oll'nst~n.1994). ; _' .

, .. . ''ffie Percej,ved vatue 4issimUGri,1y (PVb) madel provides a third eJqJlpnatioJ'!l for the

.'harsher ev4l,uaflo:nl 'of men who, tRns91i'eSs their.gelufer"base:d' .rQIe$~ Th' P~[) model'is based on ,. S~s tbe~ry of the psychofogicef structure of hu:man values and the extent to which pee',_* be~avAt~at.lOe,mI?ers of an GUtlylns 9r~up,differ,.from themselves with regard to these

, y.~ (Sd1;~Grtz "8iL(~. t~87)~ ACQ9rdit:g to, ~hi5' p.e,r,~ctjv~" 'thos-e whQare thought to via'~e ~N.~. is ~hQredi ftml'Ql$ (te., by bolding" or being,perc:eived to ho"'" Q. cUfferent $et of values from tftos'SGf ,the QhSel'Wr) prese(ltt G th~t:tG :the 91"QUP and, ~s Q result, will be perceived ma~ '.ti¥elytli\an fftpse who are thought Jp $h«re.th.e ,group's !norms(l;sS8S, ,e.t"ol .• 1993). Haddock,9 d hi$ ~If~ luwe ~~WiAE}4 attitudes towQrd 9.«)'£ and .men's attltQdes toward WORteD uSing the PVDJ .O",~ and fOu~<~ 1_hatin.dividUQIswbo per~~~ved a grea1e~ d~ree of vailue :di$slmUO;l!'i1y.lb~tw~_e1'\ tl1ems,?lv~t\..lld ei1!J:er women 9r homD~uals held lIlore: negative 'Qtti~d" obout t-hG$e grq,t4Ps _(H.~clQd<.. ~t _ • ~'93; H,:addock "Zan~.1994). .

, " Thus. beQ~!I~~ 9;r~.te,,ef:"t:e~ve;, Y4Iuf:c_~isSirnilari'ty i~. G$SOCI,Clted: wI,th. more negative

atti~,~", ~t is.po~~ibl~ thotJn\OI8 Q .. tld~ rofe t~.~ar.es"ors Q~e ,treQt8dmo~ hQrsh~y fhan ~e~,g~~£t 1'0 B vans-a~rs ;" ~ ~&t'Q.~e :tbey are per~ived. to, differ from the per .. ~eiver v's OJ vis tkess 'Universal Wllues (Sirih, 2004). ~noth8~,dudy dpne odds ~qre. to.1he CU'gu ..

,}l\e"'_ f~a;t 9~n~er rel&6 ploy OJ ~e !part iln th.e neg.a1ive a;ttitudu tpWMct'9GYS. Following the ,r~ee4~u~e vsed bY'~rGveJ'~n~ ef:~I'li PQa~ Jt!l,d,~e cmdfe~I.M"der9rq.d_I,IA1:cs. d~eribe G ma'e ~9foQ$llxtml~l~bian. aNI' nor~IQ~ult in t~t'msof' fo~ .. cme a~'"iv~ ~,tiIl9 .,s~l~. ~ch scale ,h~'!(~n9 ,01 ",uouUI\f and! (\ fie.rnini,ne po'll 1(1970). IResuihindjcafe:d that Of;mpared' 1i!)NttiJ;lgs of the normal adult, the male ~omoSe-'-.was vi.mved uftfQvorab~ and w. signlfieantly'different from "IlOrmali1')P 'on twen'ty-$Bven sades. Ratings of the le:sbian were closer to those,for the normal adult. cd'fMuih ~,nifi~~nt di~ces appUred on ,eleyetll scales. Ratings f,op the 'lesbian difw fered significantjy from those for the mIJIe homosexual on twenty scoles. Oft aU but tw. scales,

so

Outofth, -Sha 'ow

----,0 h r

le.sl:il riftings were closer to the more favorable poll than were male homosexual ratings. The posiioh S£4JIM supported that male gender nonc.onformity is viewed more s'Sriously than female

gen . ~onconfor,mi1y (PQge, 1985). '

~ • "." " 'We: ,can see that gays and ~lesbiCilns arejudg-ed on the basis that they stray GWtIJf

fro :'fvadltiGno:l gender roles, rather tlum for the sexUGI acts they may or may not engage I'n. Thi~~,~.rGtjve to understanding Ito the discriminafion of gay and lesbian persons not only of ,eiitS"the !homoseXual population, b.ut also those who are perceived as homosexual, or those w~ ,.Iray oway~"om traditionalgendu fofes. If iis the instigation of fear that til be different i~ , ,fll1mt1leJ(U(Jt that IIsU4lly-keeps people on one: end o,r the ather of the gender fpectrum. The ",s a negative effect of gender roles on gay and lesbian individuals because of their straying rmn gender norms. 26% ef gay ado escent males in one study ere forced to eave home os ~, e:' ~f g;f their suual ideAfity (&ibson,l989). Agencies serving street yo1lfh in Los Angeles B$ctlh1e that 25-35% lof homelessfouth are lesbian and gay, and in Seattle,40% ,of hcimeless

y' estimated to be les:bian or gay. (Ryan 'Clnd':Putterman, 1998). The National Network of

R "'~ and Youth Services has estimated that 20-10% of yovths who bec--ome tunnel_ each

.. o.r::e lAb' an, gay. or bisexu.al (2001). Acc.ordtng to Washington, t)Cs ()~parfII'Ie :t of H~

a 'HWlloSe:rvices. '. stud:, 1h4J 'conducted shows thllfgay and ie$tJial1: youthrcire ' .' 'g,to thru ~ A~'$ more liJceIy to "mmit Ricide tlKm ather yo~ths" (1~1 30J~ o:f ~~G"O'?nJWd~iu;ci_ '"!J~: ·related to the i~ of s_exuat~ntity (Gibson, 1989). ':WS"'fi~~~,giy\W~bia ,:'t~ em wen as fnese 'Wh~Om'e perwved to'be gay cdesbran. Itt qd4i1iOfl W.~$·sl&,f~ ~

:~~1j~.o r-e .. po:,. '. that 84~ ·fSU~T stu .. dents reported bid,:" verbtiJIr'.R~~~~;~w~~nt;~ l~IGJlStralght IEdUccrtl , n Network, 200'3~ , . ' .... , "

",~~' . It is awming'thot in ~ United States, the !arid o{ $e~ff~ cmdt;htt,,~~cd fm .

~Glfe, there are so manyho hcwebeen negatively affected by .. ~Itt'~d~~i~~. ,~~\&otomies. In a nation where same-$eX COUJIJes five within ,99.,3% of "fc~~~-i:~n w!de~ ,:wlte are I~aising 'ow,r 1 milltondrildnmt they are stln seeJ\l.i:lS social O1ft~l\lS CtiH~· BurftlU, ~). Our v~ry own !military discrirJti~tes a9~ gay an_ttlesbl~ .P£r"S0ns Wirh ft1~ b~n" A,k

::;:;t)llP~ TeJ/pslrcy. And we 'know that gays and lesbrans are In the ml It'ary4 h'ecau:se ve GJ"e

~._. - - ,-, .. - ... -.- ..... - ..... _""

, rntire than 1 million gay and lesbian vetU4ns in the United SfateS fi4Ve fought C:md'served

~~iF Country and yetaf'e ~t ,ecor"zed by ftult viry d· Inoeraef for wh~~ many have 'given ,

. } Hiir !lives !~Urban Iinstiltute" 2000JI lin thir1Y-s'bc s:tdfi8S pBople can! sHU be fired lega.llyf,or self : iaQhfifying as gay or lesbian. And finafly, if the United States were to anQW same-seK"cOuples ~~, the tiS would S(W£ over $1 bUl'orf "ollars per yeilJ" ~Cong es,'ana' 'Budget ,~iffl", ~~~).. but becaus'e of tnese kidden bioses against «aT persOns, they are not. "",-ass an just

~e: of the munv wars thot GLBT persons'a~e affected by traditionatgBnder role expoc.ta-

~", "".o.'M. whith'ulti1matefy win play out in varioQS ways thro'shoUt the rest of society,. '

AdvBNe Affects 01lS0dBfy at Large: ,

Not cui(y do we see t'l huge correlation be '_n suicide and gay youth, e 4..', ~ee an osto,n1$hing eorrefaif' on betWe~1:1 swcide .nei youth who arepercei.vsd 10 'be 9.ay or ~f.cin. One of 'he biggest ways homophob'ia affects hsterosuuc:d' individuals is perception. ~e homosexuali,y'is not something one COJI see on'the outside of Q person, we have ere-

, _: ~e~pes to ten what G homosexual is, and those stereotypes' come airectly from' ntra·

,~Qj JlmaIgenden'otes. ,'.

,?~':', ~' :< ,One Of themott. dramatic df,eets: on. heterosexual, andl \homoS9UG1 '·a*fture is in our

~~- ~.6Ja1 reraflanships with one al10111u. H'Dmap~oh(l. botn interna1ized: ana ~lized. can be a ".Ute' t-o the forma-tion of deepe-r and more meanfngfut fr·en~ip$. WhQt'happehS.\vhen a

~ . i, asexual male gets too ;close fo one of his' friends? ' 'ore so ;hy" 6 this _ r;w a hOrrible ~~? Imagine 'hat 1ihClf yOURS' man is m'sBing out'on by ~ving''to S PPJ'l.'l hi_ offections for G

,co~e trr~dl tbatcolilJdhave: ""nm, tu do,'wi1tih" ~11y, lbid' l!'Iafher ,Ii deep ,apprecIation for

,:t _ .PW$O ' "is clo~efr~B'ndlsl One persolf,tv mmine1ihts-' mo:re 'fh'Oroughly Is Mary Hunt. who in ~baQk. FiBres 7BlttJerness: If FelltitfiSf' 11tUlDBY ilf 1+" lIikllfJi, detbits t'he dlsta 'ce in these

.!ai,~ '. ,,'

·Otll.r----

h.dow

friendships dlla rohamophobio. Because she writes as a lesbian GS. well as G f~minist thsolo· gian. Hunt is a)so painfully GWQII'C of how homophobia has sh_ and often th arte4·s4me .. !lender flrie1ndshlips. Culturally emlle4lded; hom.obia Mptivelyaffects SGfI.\B g,enderedaffec· ilIA .. ,~elten1'ilnt imen,. for' e~cunp!le .. from· dBvelopingi deeply infimate ,and/ol". physicall¥ affectionate friendships, .. and, fer gay men in P4lrticulor r thwarts, even appropriate stdf ... love: "If one CORRot htvecmother;pevson wh(lis Uke QneSdf. it'$ very bard to davalop the kind of ep

. strength necessary for healthy self-Io·ve,"· (pp.. 53,12)1, Conversely, of course • .Hunt argues that '~e: must: r.arn· tobe:friend ollrs~lv""one anofheli'._an~ the plbrifor.mity of all life ,(lC~lark.1995) •. It tst~esting to think «bout ho.N' many relationships oLlt; there, particularly between men. hGve been hindered by eur culture's own hQ,lDophoh ".0.. One investigC!ltive:report done by the Seattle Tnnu, AIew.r-:JXlIleF"e>llplo.red whQt happened wen· -. men ~eftt Ottt on h~ they dee:rrte.d d -man dld'e·. Thisw4S wl\efl~ two met'l" wJrao were pNSulDcd:d, 5tNi9ht~ w~uld went to CUI artga:Uery and' ,dinMv together as oldl friends. WhQt~he ,rticle uncovered w" the thing.s Imen ,d~ in: order to ~ClW te t-he test of the worb:l that'b.ey are heterosexual, gojl'lS,.sofar as te look at entire" diffa'~t painttnQS. Within" art g,aller,. po$turtnsin ways that would giva off the arm s1NJg1lJtlO look, Gnd lAsistb:ISto the WEd_,,,,t fh~ beginning of !'Ae.mea1 that they pay $epa~ r·~'tely~ to Aven, !hew t11ueol'd! flriend, ;gree.t;~;d;:e«ch other ~ not 'with warmth ond te_nderness. bUlt ra~e" G firm,hq_nds!tpke. Gndi ~·pcJt·on the 'r.ack. ~rDP8ltout tlt~ whole ~vening. fhe~ constantly w&ra 'f'Sht~. hat .might be GSsume4 of 1h~",,, andl t.his is the tf!agedyef homophobiG. When te pe-op1~ iha _'Grtd: respect 'eGlch other ,.Gdn1IO't e)(~s those feelings to, each ettner.; this

'is' an 'RUe 11hatmu,t be. ·addr.ess£dL _.. '

'.. -; IfIf)JtIqphollra and hefiallo~s," Qlso·imp$d imaJl'Ist~ea.m society in~fhe rOllescmd' ·ll'i1h-plWl)111~.tl: In 1,&9'.l111s VS .5uP~;BJne eoll" heard Q case that Involved a . oman who had .• ~ .:&.I~.r~~#~partnershjpl to! «tfIW fir-m, en tft& bO$;$ ~ 0I~1 Iterao-typing- (~rtrMn\r 1991) .

. _;_ ·Th~ CQ~ d~ ,eMUJid stB,~nfyph19,·agadi. 011 the benef that I a w • .,an c(lftno:t be.aggres-

. 'It. _. ,~" ,g.'. iii· . u r." - II L. .'. .,., Ilh· hU . d n~ . ·t' nt'l lth t f~ _ b

_, . ~t~E7'~ -Gmw,ll1 'l~d'S, elSe ff.,(S •. n4l_P~lns: was ·QLI.rGSI·ve •• I.a~s '. an_ "mpa,Je '.' w, .. S a ,1' mem. <e.rs

(~~ty'.e~r-etB,..~ 'or other support ~;f(lff) •. cmd used profQni1y .. Ms"Hopk'h$' employer's " .. ~~~d~~ ~~t!9 to t. e C~ 'MIS advistns •• HOJlkins to "waJkmoN feminihBly~.ta.k .•... ~~ ~ftJ~I¥. dress more ~mmel¥. wear: m_llk~·up, ~Qve her hair ,.'ed, ·and wear Jew-

.< • :~~"f~~::JP~ $1",1'. ot 17~2l~ lk~ CrNfrt ~lllI\d •. m sh0rt~ that M~. H~kins •. GIt!i,GI" other wome1n.,

. __ .koie Qo riaht· ~'~~,UkemeD witl10ut l'o$inS, their jgbJ. However positive this' DlIUOJRB wa tier

.., :;Wotneft GY~~~~ w,_e st'U. ih4~~tO. JDott at :the bR~opft.iQ surroundj~ the m.s~ .. and mere so . inl\se)Jder r~ ~ .• at p~yal;l_ th£s,e:~iases. Hldo.ny man WQ ked at;Qund t"'e office doing tbe s~ things:',be wGu1~have~en;.'Cl~,i:t:f8rH astern ye-t efficjent.bA~ H,o.wevSf'. society SWts:SCi!me~i~9)is 'WI!!Q'~i .wiih,~· ~OrMb: '~b;QI ;'5 S,tr9A9:,cQnfient .• :GJld ",charae. ~'i~ ,lays li.nto fh.s ideo that WOt'RBft si'ulurdl not be: mascuUne. or I~b_ or..e:lse _ they f,Pme off· os lIbitehy", We

. ~~. S'e,e Q ob~jDJ~tl~# be,~_ :th~ fear« t;1, ' from·;the fGc,t that fo,. G' oman to- be ~~~~ ~ ,toi.l~ ~~~t •. 3;f$i (lisD ·mpOrt.t.f~.nQ,t.1J\Qt"n.t' laws ~sed s.~ Q$ Title

". VIlI;Gl!ld Qtblr~~c:b~Qw~ tb.at gp.u:womer&! the.f"_d"rnQncl,'pr;ot~ions~·*l:rev ~o ·d.erved durIII ffte w·qmerts -m~g~t.;. Q,~\Qn41e$b.i~pe:r$:CI~we;re.~~t included !uadv .fh~uw I'Qws, ._tM.~t .~~~r~ookil1B t~e bOnlopfllQlIir;r ,in the deGifio..rt,tQ oclude jetbia~od. 9.Q)'m_n f1r.om prGtectiortuncdtr' 11* vn. tbe US SUp~ Cm.tl't's dedsion.RgQrding:. ono"pfaintiff,a gay man I~ J)QJ1cd '~',ll'(Wr41$'O. deRUl!nw~tes G! la~k of C,GAgem. He wQ~~ed: at .a hursery &~hooJ for

•. ~WOI~l1~'f;:and WIIS"~d1fo.r·.we.cmngi~:~~,8qldl bQ.o,p .• qml."::th~ ",un $:tGted~th!ll1 TitJeVIl

~~ JRa;tprote.uqgai.bSt I~d.i$m.tion. ~"use of ,eff;emi~ hlln;t,oseKucdjty~>.or~ 1Rft5se)(~ "pal{sm';' tid;." 6i18 P .. ~Gt Hal. ~p". ~'~lift CiintAl$.t tQ· Priae V$. WCl~~rbo~e~ which sliPports .the canUmtio, ,~~ ~ law, ~ ntleVIt" pmta-et$ the right to_ 8etfi.%~~man~t not-like a WOJMj\ lfmpJJdfJ..bothofth~e ~$iollS 45 ~ iQeaT tMt~ woman ildl~(f.i9bJt mind strives it. be OS ~h, like ~~$.$ihJlt~_.peqple ~feotoFmYSt.,wGnt tite$~ahts os whits ~ple. TAe ~i_$1)O.~mi~ ",,~.wlu;te,-tl\Qteheter,qsexwJ:mobl_~C:~(9the.r counts Or" ts respeeteel (&ttnan:.1991). In both cues we see blatant Gets .of homophohia lin~

52

Out ,of th

-~--Otl1.r

r'

.~'~'''.. .

., .

1" ",:

gu'ih-inbofh the courts Gnd employers who ClSSlilm8 that,D man' is supposed to be masculine

ana ,,·,;wo.man is supposed to be feminine. Strayi,." from thest;;,geAder norms c(luse uneasiness ~ItBd in Q. man ~nd (l wom:tm being fi·red for the $1mB NaSons, but with two. di,fferent

~.

,.-k, ~o: . Another issue to discuss involvesumQ$8)OJa.fs who avoid coming out of the closet

a~~'ter into traditional marriages ofo IJIIQfl and Q W:omcln. The,. is not much research done 0,.,.' ',Is: .. but the fact fhat .ferce a certain minority to hide who it is they really an leads to

PI Qnd coveJ'1pS. resulting in tragic enangs to what were e· 'ginaUy seen CIS beautiful

$, . :' .. ~ The IPoor h.eterosexua.l men and WDmeb' who marry these closeted homosexual womBn

a.en end' up wondering their whole 'Jives, ·Why didn't I s_?- The interMUze·a homophobia ·w .. :~~ drives these people to get married even thoUjh~ they are gay is sadde ing and leave many Ii '; ··broken. ~LuckilV, th.e differen.ees itt diverce adJustment of women div,or·ced·from homo-

·~i" t men compared! to w{lmeJl divorced from heterosexual man ha.ve been explored. The re-

'.~~ of one study indico.tecI women divorced from homosexual men do hOt differ g.reotly from ,-4;g~eft divorced ",om he~ose~l :men in ps,dhologiea_1 $YlRptolN Dr in, overall divoree adjust .. ~t. o.l'IIhough they arApBm' to . hove more anJ8r on divorce .atQ14$.nt (Smith, 1990). The rotes ~.J,neh who are c:omi~ ou;t of the closet and divor,dng their wivesJs on the.rise, and this has a

:~$d affect on theheteroS~lial· po,pu'I'Cttion. There is a part of 'us all, that 4aires f.fit into W"'~Jie mo'id of wh.at soc~e~hQS folclll us· w~ sll.ovld be, but ~en c~no-:"ning ",11ffers. suGlt as spend~)W·e rest of your lie In G_ "Mnefshl, WIth SO,fMOfte, qlsctoSJ"!J t:bformatiQn such as ones

. <,·1 ,orientation is stilt no' t1he number one priorJity. After trwefilty .. fh,a. y~s of ~r,riage,

, s.pousemay d'edd'sfh.'" e cu' s1lewants to c;om,e. Qutof t.he ~osBtl ana !.~ve ther:e .Ffner .:ano'ther pers-on. This is hat happens to rpany people, andeis somethiJ3S tbgt Me~ to be of ~ ,earn to oursoo!efy fQI" the w~1f being 0.1 ,~'.i.ndMdhfQl~. both "'by ond sbl(lfght. Is.it the

• 'Mduors ,Quilt for hidlt:IJ 'his or her true fe,lings, or ;$ ~o.ciet)', to blame for making the indi-

tdual stay closeted anctget into tMseexpeete~sjtuQ'tjotlS' '",~ ,

:rr,,;', Anoth.er iinterBStiIl9 ,case was a study done on' c0'lll~ :9Qi:hg ·to w.Qt~ ro~antjc movIfu:.~~. What's ilnteresting: about this stQdy 'is that: wbat wouLd.,JlI.sdicct4bh: Q~;rdi1.1S'to gender { roles would be that the women would be more likely to prefer watching ro anile movies. But ~i.:~Qfj stereo typic gender roles in this study d~~rt,t Qcco~at fq~.was t;tte~ct th&t mena'iso en ... ~)P1edl romafttic: Imov' ss. Thi__s is a window ihto how .homoph.ohia, offects every»;;lll,g fMm . .our ~Fsono.l relationships. to our J~bs. to what kin? of tfiiags B con i~e or not Ii~~.,:u bOOM, ~~j 0 ·ies, Gnd music •. Acfditio~IIIV. both. itK1iles ana females: in the study pnsdicted that ,Dfj(jer 'men ~""wQurd hOt prefer ronmnfie movies, accordingl to soclet'Gl ~ctations. (Irlarri,s, 2004), Whl3fs

rasdRating about this is how we limit ourselves ,achQG$e only withlfl our specified gander role. ~~4thef" than. sim1PIy bassd on what we. like or diS'lihe due to f,ea.r of repePCussio:n for liking soma~': ftins outside: of our specified' g.~;ru:fer. A man maYlf'lef~e to Usten fa· certain 'types of music ~'fear of being BURGS too fem·nine or gay. He may even choose hat sports he ptidpates l:n ,based so.leIy on his sex, rather than what he truly prefers. The reason that oneaets the way 'they do is bemuse of others' pereepnon.

The issue of lesbianism in~~1e sports is so c~ntroye'rSi41 that few women, gay or

siN.ight. will ~peak 'on the re,oord about it. ThBir ~ears are not unfounded .. Being.perceived as ,a ··lfeSbian 'inllhe 'womBin', sports wOFld'-.aft~n cGr,r'es the Same sngmQq5 being G ~bicm. And the :~~on that manvwo$8b: in $pOrts ~ lesbians is wid'es,read(Cqrt, 1997)- As our stereo1ypes

, (of homosuual persons display thernse'lvBS inatl forms, it is '.rtant to see how our ho",opho· ~~J4.4HedS WO$eh as well Gnd' ffieir o.b~U~ tiG ~ .~ed eqUQIJr and fairly: to men in the

.Ra'IJn of athletics. Ifs almost the opposite stereotype for gay men who enjoy sports. It is

.. <Q,S$WRBd tht gay men de.~t pla¥ spQt::ts, whe.n, '" reality th~,e4f'18 prebGbly more, prafeuicmal ;ii!fJ,W male athletes than one am {~ The. fl4me,phah 4:in .,-.1'$ affects athletes in a wlltf ~tt)atr.equires them to be e(QS.eted or .risk ~ ,t·this timem society# it is· inconceivable rJ "at gay Imen participate ift Q$ man)' spqrts;as their hetrerosexqat friends on thesaIU teams.

53

f__.;-------

FG" many Say yOtl~h, afhletj,esis an 8XFience away from harassment and buUy;nJ. where fhey , am "prove· their' masc-ullii,ty; Agum. here we -attr'bu,te'homophobia nof to a ",x act, but rother tu the fulflflm'8nt .f sex rol'e ,requirements; created by so:tiety at farg,e.

My UftJpiaR' IfllsiDli' ,of Amer;m

What we CIS, a socie", Imust' NCOJhi'Zs if: we a~e to eradicate our dis'criminat'on of Rot anly gay and les&i4n persons. but also. .cn other ~ is that ulfimately what cOlIned's us i, not our sex, ,a"ee~ sexual; orienf4tron" c rtitre,orcreed', but rather oW" common humanity. What we share inlcommoh is the mere fact that we aN: even, helle to begin with, When two straight IIleR'eGR" leve one anothe"f Sih\ll'I,as fellow :humanbeings b8ir:aI:JSB they feGV f1\4t ofhers might think that on'S Or bath o,fthe,m are: gay, there is aft inherent bias that ~ peo,re from being their complete sel~:es. As I mefttionedabove. many groups besides gay' :GRd ,tesiicill persons are ciffected by the: sex I'Oles CRated by Qciety. indudi,hg stNight

. men ,a:ndwomeniit\fiel'~dlW' h8I'mapn~odite. perSOhS, ,cmd: ft'Gns~llKd Persons. When we raogtlim8$' a society th«t gentler- is 'as flurd-CUtcidiverse as: race lis, then we will be able to tNty start ~~iW down. wfdl's:tkitwe AQV.e ~ted for ollrs'ewes. One dar,l':hope that rrum will be able to dp4n1, ~tGS their feelings to otfier men! cmd womeiao witrl\olit feetins too feminine or gAY., I tJQp8'that WarnSR ev..ywheJ!8 willi be'able to "fand co:nfi,dentl, for who they QFe~ fInd noitl1ave to dUinb d'GlWR to ibnp'r:les51f'potenfi:Q'I~ suitor. I t1Gpe'tbaf -gmy men Gnd women wfl1'fe:el eomforfabfe, enough to, be thems.elvu everywhere, whefher flteyare na'NralJy more mtlSooulieldl" f~mtn~ emt thutr tnB·r·per~ontd lIf'etatfonstl'.p-s win' .. Jooked upon hot Cis deviant s~treplsollfes,., but r-.cifh-er romantiC;-filillfimngaJilc:t I'oving pilJ'tnerships. I hope that women will

. ,1UJ,'[otfgBr be: Gfralal ,of I"ej~, se'en a a.nY'htIgi1ess .. 11ahio, fUlUIi.uhn\ bel"g. t ft. that gay and fUbran pel'$Qn$ wfffnO' l'Gng,er 'b:e9t~,reGtypedi u '1'0:0; masCUline 'ar' to(>'fminine and t~at they

. wtIn-c-eJWltcome in,cfiurdl. mediml1 fadfi.fies;. univ.ersiff •• and; publte: school cfassroDms with· ·'ilGt"t1te fear of infimido.ffon cwhaFVS'ment !ft my ufopfcm'world', we ave aU seen CIS equal, and white we 1ft-DYe manv diHere!nteSJ, th8: 0118: iihingdfll't! does CanMer'USI is ,our humonj,ty., I hope

. , " .' "'~:n- d,ifrtak ih:tof&e e,b Gf dnDtner ~ we wJfi. SH who tfreyctre ~ather than what thsy are. I -:;''!': it'a,-pdWI$-<aGd efforcU'Bthem-fhe amount, of dignify abtlfr..Pcct that they' CIS hUfPBh' beibgs

.. "d~e'rve.· i ' , - '.

.' ~ What.r flope fims ~Qrt has liPOughtto yOY isnlftn!'CEs"SGrfly the fuU and com-

", itifSrfe ansllers tel every q,uBStlmone fMv have ,uboUrt these, i$Sup.-"but miliM t!he idea thotour ~eWn:'w(lNfs: ,anliGcfuiUIII$ do r.iffect tiS fa same wiJiI. Whatiher cadi'hg some"Wd '6 fag 'ill1 middle '~d\oQfl or cletty !.:sa~ fun ~ceS$ t6fthe sa-rne r'ghts (uul;,privjJega that ~,lJurselves enJ:oy#homoph'Qtli'l'affacts e.wrY~he. lbl"Ou,fI'our own ig,nmmte af the l¥OJlJd:. we neglect to

sa'a: w:hClt 1irdly matters: 'ithel1uMin SpiAf1I' . '-. ,

.. ~ .. :~ .. :" ,.: ...

, , M'Wb'a We lD'4e ,I161'/lIIt to In dlHwent, W .. /8~' the ptVvilege1D -be lree.· -

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" ~my :Joy.& nU! W~ingtab hst'W4SbinJtcift; •. b~ .• S-ep If, 8004.' ,. F.

~nOi\¥mOIl~. MediakBpoPlt1io-WOmen SfI,vsrSpringslWinfm- -2GOO~ Vat 28:, ns.l~ p.6 ..

1ca~p.'Y"·"'. ,'~ ,

A~uSf.\SQi'CRJabJlirty'~f lalrje. 'Gaf~ Qnd'8jse~'fYo14ftS.1t *ba~~1GpmentGI Psychology*

'31 ··«l9tS):65~"4.'· , " - '. . ,

"i'&FlWtI:ih# ~ate '''Gen_6utmw'''QN ,Men" W*a and the 1Ii_ of us (49'4) pn~175 Coni Julie,; '[.os; A~titl\e$ (fJJ'le,-IJ91FLtlltutjitQ$ A'ngetuj.'Gitif.:A,r 6 •. 1992. ,.,1 tIar_tt 'age&1UliU\ist.' Sem»& P-ost .. ,tlllfetUgBnClU $CQftle~rwul1.:-.rut24. 1998. p. AIO 'Cb'k. J. Mimeet; ·lGurndJi.fMen~s StudiesMiwimm\~ ft.1t95. 'yot 3. D$~

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.. 3, P. 241

De # Nclncy. Belles Lettres Arlington:Spring 1995. VottO, Iss. 2, p.52

Er " • Martha. otf Our Backs Washington:Oct 31, 1991. Vol. 21, Iss. 9 ,p. 12 In the more

_lpubUcized!case, 'rice: Waterhouse: v: Hopkins, 109 5.C'.1775, (1989),

GI.' 'amer. Sex Roles. New York: Mar ZOO3~Vol.48. Iss. 5/6; pg.265

. '1II6er.Sex Roles New Yerk:Mar 2:003. Vol. 48, Iss.5/6, p. 265-27,6

G'~'_ i:IJ. ,PGu'I"6ay Ma'ie ,andlesbJan V,oufh Suicide", Report of the Setretary's Task Force on

~

.. f '- Youth SU'cide,1989

Gi : .Jl, P. (1989). "Gay Male and Lesbian Youth Su·cide.' InM. Feinleib (Ed.), "Prevention Cll'Id In )"rrvention lin VouthSuicide:* (Aeport to the Secretary's Task Force on Youth Suicide, Vot

3 ~~" pp. 110-42). Washington, DC: US Department of Health Gnd Human Services

. ,fi." _,!,.ltitl1a:rd, Hoekstra, SlIcVBn. etal. Media Psychology Mtlhwah:2004. Vol. 6, Iss.

'. . 3, p., 267~2,B,4

~·ek,&. M. (1990). The context 0,' anti-gcry violence: otas on cultural and psychological het

~., erosexism. Journal IIf Interpersonal VitHence, 5, 316·333. .

: ' slrberger. Scott L •• and A'nthony R. I) "Auge:Ui .. fl11Ie:. Impact ofVictimizafion on the Mental t. Heo.~th·'

~er , Joyce. UViolence Aga',nstLesbian and Gay Mote youths." * Journal of Interpersonc:rl

~~'" . Vio,!lence* 5 ,(1990):295·300. ' .

i~a1tu L Lowf8SS. Political Research Quarterly Salt lake aty:Sep 2004. Vol. 57, Iss •

...

(' . 3, p. 479- 490 (12 pp.)

KCi.' .~MDntnla. Off OiJr 8GQks Wasltir(gton:Jan/feb 2004. Vol. 34, Iss. 112, p.12-16 (5 pp.) ~ Legal Defense and Education .ffund. Youth in the: Margins,2000

~~'". - . " ,

PT~ Stewart, Vee, Mary . .Journal of !~mosexuaJi:tY. New Yorl<! qct 31. 1

)'~ '98'5.VoU2. Iss. tpg. J09 ' .

RTR,Wifchins. The Advocate Los Ange:Ies~May 13,2003. Iss. 889, p.72 .

. _;;,;;:,

R~ .~ Caitlin: Futtermah. Donna, Lesbian and Gay Youth: Care a.nd Covnseiingl, 1998

Si~1ey. Cn'r,is. MarcSte:wart Wlilson,. Sex Roles New Vor.k~[)ec 2'004. VGI. 51, 16$1 .. 11 .. 1

f 2, p. 687-696

Sl-san. Janice C. l1me New York:Apr 6,1992. Vol. 139, Iss. 14, p. '65 (1 pp.) Sl:iT~'Se:I'c~k It, M~Cr;~, Donal<l_.R .• Maha'lik, . .Jamu R .. J'ournal~ of Men's Stud

~: ' les Harnman.Winter 2004. VotlZ, Iss. Z. p. ll9

Sm rtn.Debm Falrchil:d. Alfred, S Hugh. The American Jo",rnal of Family 1'hercq:Jy. New York:

,- j:' IFallr 1990.VoUiB. Iss. 3; 1'9.273:

Tei): . -. Alan . .Journal·o'f Homosexuality Ne York:Sep 30, 19B3. Vol. 9. Iss. I, p.37 T~l9p~AtQn. JournaJof HomosexuaDty. New York: Sep 30, 1983.Vol.9'.Iss.l: pg.37 Yo "'IMiH~ald - IRepubUcYekima,. WaSh.: Mar 8, 2004.p'. A.4

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PJ1ease read through my S'ftOfr'Y, for ill is one W+'fiA Q happy e1itdtl!lg~ It 15 true" I was ri,dkuled 01' 11fteemd of 9~ade'$c::haot bUT that is behi'nd me now .. Whe~ :r Game aU;f o,f the cIo,set lacs, year', my frJii~ndg; embrc:ced m.e wrth ttpen arms I tkeill,9~t thet .d'ping so m'fght shatter my most rne€ltlingfull ret~fionshipst butsurpr~si.ngly, n 'ltlly f:rlQOe them: stronger Today/. I can teU myf·.r(ends just about anythingrctrrd' {("oW! tk:eywm qJ~6y$ b~ there t~ h~f(d lim eo"..' ',Qr Q: hdpfnS! bClfld. WitHe t have y~f to co~,e~ail tQ:lnY' pClreRts r who I feo.r mig_kt no:fr accept my r.emizQtu,A,lllavS: found com ... fo.rt;rn 'tmose wlfh whom 1: inrterae:r O'r'I' 6. QoJty basj:s, at feast in coHege~$ometimes- my hear't f'(lCe$. j'(l'S'iter when: I think ,$bout breaking 'the. GOOO news fa; my mom Qnd do.d~ buf for :now. I CQn trvQ my ";Y$. in·pem:ce and tree' 'of fear. t can fintF('fy be ~tinyse.lf no,w,-100% Sth!\on-o:trd it i,stiberarttng to' 'lUtoersfandrnyssJfnnd to be' l!Jnder$:tO'od~

Pleo;se. ,,,011'6 that theGQmlng 'Qut, Q><perie:nce, th(Lt l' hod is t'lCO,t IUnhte.crrsel:, Jll'e'Gtse t!,",Qrs'knd tlttat SC:1ttte: LGBTp:e()plfe 'MQ\le ~f so bad tnQict they ,llgse tkelrbesf frt€,nd'sl'fQmiIYJ or even the roo;f 0'vep fkelr head (1$' 41 fi'es:uJt of b~Jlif!: honest. M®¥ ere sevefiely d~pr,es:s"ed~ lnl1l111eless, ar hoih. Uv·itlg· in de'Sfrerote; deplQrable

'. sf;tua'ticms, $0Rt~ CGnnot emIt the cpt~mi,stn with which I am ·bfessed.

:Ear'them fer ,~e'l f,er' everybady"le€lS'e re·fraffl frQm j,cf<;ip91 Qbp.uf us f:feGse refroif:tfrom 1~u"9hn:'g a-t us., Please refrain 'ff"(u:;n, JuCtglng ti5rn'yoILIJ" heart (lind jour he:~d. MO$:;t imp:o;rtaAtty, p<f~¢ls'e rafroml'rnm ¥~ur: stleflce~; ,teos'e do, no,1. ret IltheF$ ,i.I'1St1.lit, (\)1' tllCl.ctsl us, eV'Etn if they say they are jus, kiddi,l1g. PtenS'e spe(Ik

up for us, be€l€tu$.e, we neeOl(t.' <

If you know someone· who is comirtg out or' who has already come out I p(easz Kt1oW'that such on action W(1$ 4 chQice, but being gay was not. Goy peoplte <lPe. born wlth their se>¢Ualij,ty in the Satl\e way t11Qt fhe ~f,il'l.d were born wi:thout sight. In the $(1me WQy that'you mig'ht e)(l\rbi't eQMf;Ktsgf~n 'fi'Owords the latter group, please exhibit comptl5St[0n: to'wards the. ten'mer., "eMe gi\le €I ·GlBT :pef1SGh a pot ott the: bGi.¢kt ar'6ven be:ttep,. 'Q AU!. Prease kr10W that Iweis the solution 'to: a situO'fion that sMoufd nof nave to be e.g diffi'¢,c.slios jlt so:metittles is, Pfe(lse.

SimonZc:rchory

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