ISLAM AND SEX

MOVE OVER KAMA SUTRA

WARNING AND DISCLAIMER

Please avoid the work of "Islamic Kama Sutra" by Amar Khan (when you Google subject his site comes up first). Why avoid because they are self declared Muslim Apsotates and what they say is utter garbage. If you are intrigued by Amar Khan·s claims, there is a good Muslim response at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=79594037526&topic=8212 This work ´Islam and Sex, move over Kama Sutraµ is a compilation from other referenced sources. The clear guidelines are from Islamic sources. Other details which do not contradict Islam eg types of kissing are from general sources It is compiled by a practicing Muslim but not a Scholar Always trust your fitrah and intuition, if something doesn·t sound or feel right, it probably isn·t If in doubt leave or check with a local scholar This is just a resource. We live in a world that is media and sex saturated. Eg 100 best ways to have sex, Perfect sex, Great Sex,«. Think about it in times gone by, people lived satisfactory lives with out all this junk, pornography etc. There are just a few guidelines Islamically about what is prohibited and guidelines for what to do. The rest is a creative endeavor between husband and wife. As long as it doesn·t go outside the bounds and you are both comfortable with it and enjoy it, go with it.

INTRODUCTION

Islam is a complete code of life. It includes how to deal with the most intimate of relations between husband and wife One of the key Islamic texts on the subject of is The Perfumed Garden of Sensual Delight by Muhammad ibn Muhammad al-Nafzawi (15th century). It·s an OK book, with some strange content and a few gems One of the best books on the subject is by Dr. Ahmed Sakhr«.. Plus many authentic Hadith Anything that is not forbidden is allowed. Many of the resources referenced are not Islamic, but as these specific references do not contradict Islamic principles they are included.

SEXUAL ETHICS
Sex is the ultimate expression of love and is a total physical and emotional encounter. In a brief but beautiful expression the Quran refers, to this relation between husbands and wives saying: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (2:187)

SEX AS SADAQA
The sexual unison between husband and wife is more than seeking a relief from the urge of desire. Indeed the prophet taught that it is one of the charities in Islam. He said to his companions, enumerating examples of charitable deeds : "And when the one of you makes love (has lawful sex, ie with spouse) it is a rewardable charity. ´

BEST TIME FOR SEX

Nice when it is not too hot or cold One is not hungry or with full stomach Both partners have sexual urge or desire or can accommodate each others wants or needs Both partners have energy and are not exhausted with days work Good if both have had shower and are fresh (or if not make wudu) Have cleaned their arm pits and genitals from pubic hair Brush teeth, floss, use mouthwash Have full privacy and not afraid that they will be disturbed

CREATING THE MOOD FOR SEX
This can be through flirtation with your spouse Complimenting them Lighting candles or incense in bedroom, shower Soothing music Each partner should dress in a way that pleases the other. Women can use lingerie, men eg sexy boxer shorts,« again whatever is creative and comfortable Both can use perfume or colognes to build up the sexual tension and attraction

BEST PLACE FOR SEX
Although hotels and businesses sell romance, the most romantic place for couples is the privacy and intimacy of their own bedrooms Depending on the living situation, if there aren·t other family members etc., it doesn·t always have to be in the same place, same time. Variety is the spice of life Any place you both fantasize about (but can still have your privacy and intimacy)

BEFORE SEX:

In order to maintain the bliss and pleasantness of the relation, both husband and wife should acquire the hygienic and esthetic habits that keep them attractive to one another. It does not behove the woman only to beautify herself for her husband, but this is a reciprocal right. The prophet is reported to have rebuked a man who looked shabby and neglected to tidy his hair and clothing, stating that it was his wife's right that he looks at his best to her, as she to him. Ibn Abbas, a notable scholar of the first Islamic century, stated: Most certainly I am keen on making myself handsome to my wife, just as I like her to beautify herself for me in keeping with God's saying in the Quran that: "Women have rights even as they have obligations in an equitable way." (2:228)

SEX TECHNIQUE
Any maneuver or position that adds to the pleasure of the sexual encounter between husband and wife is permissible and commendable. "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when and how you will" (2:223)

FOREPLAY

FOREPLAY
There are many ways and methods that can be exercised during foreplay It is best that we leave this to the mutual understanding of the spouses Each individual differs from another in exactly what arouses and stimulates him/her, although the prohibited acts must be avoided.

FOREPLAY
In human sexual behavior, foreplay is a set of intimate psychological and physical acts between two or more people meant to create desire for sexual activity and sexual arousal. Either or any of the sexual partners may initiate the foreplay, and they may not be the active partner during the sexual activity. (source Wiki)

FOREPLAY
Any act that creates and enhances sexual desire in a sexual partner may constitute foreplay, including: Kissing Touching Embracing Talking Teasing (teasing, in this case, may include methods of satisfaction, such as erotic sexual denial) Undressing each other

(source Wiki)

THE BATHING OF HUSBAND AND WIFE
TOGETHER

Prophetic Hadiths: On the authority of 'Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) who said: ´I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I. would say: "Leave some for me, leave some for me!' 1 She added: "We were in a state of major ritual impurity (i.e. the state of having slept together·µ[Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

KISSING
´A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than oneµ! Now, who wouldn·t agree with me on this statement? A gentle kiss from your spouse can lift your spirits and make you feel wonderfully happy even when you are depressed. A relationship is all about trying out new things to keep away boredom and monotony from setting in. a fun way to do that is by trying out different types of kisses. It can take your relationship to a whole new level and both will be glad that you tried it, since it will bond you all the more closer.

KISSING

Other areas for kissing may include the partner's: Breasts Stomach Back Inner thighs. Whatever turns you both on,«

Ears Cheek Neck Eyelids Shoulders

KISSING

Kissing during foreplay may be on the mouth or encompass other areas of the body. Deep kissing, also, involves the physical contact of tongues and can also imply the tongue entering another person's mouth.

KISSING
Foreplay is very important before sex and in Islam is encouraged. In the Reference section there are 26 different kinds of kisses that are explained. Again there is no limit to creativity as long as it doesn·t venture into the forbidden.

KISSING

Angel Kiss A very sweet and comforting kiss, the angel kiss is one in which you lightly kiss your partner right on the eye lids or just next to the eyes. Cheek Kiss This is the most preferred kind of kiss for a first time. It gives the friendly signal of ´I really like youµ to the other partner. Place your hands on your partner·s shoulder, lean forward and plant a soft kiss on the cheek.

KISSING

Butterfly Kiss A very cute gesture, you don·t really kiss in this one. Bring your faces close to each other and flutter your eyelids together. Of course, this ignites pleasure and you go ahead to have a wonderful kiss!

KISSING

Freeze Kiss This is a fun kiss to experiment with. Take a small piece of ice and put it in your mouth. Don·t swallow! Gently hold your partner and kiss softly on the lips. While kissing, open your mouth and make your partner open his/her mouth lightly. Pass the ice with your tongue for an exciting sensation.

KISSING

Eskimo Kiss This is definitely one of the cutest ways to begin a kiss. Bring your faces together and very lightly rub your noses together. It is a wonderfully loving gesture that your partner will adore.

KISSING

Earlobe Kiss As the name suggests, you need to kiss and very gently suck on the earlobe of your partner. Be careful not to nip or bite since ear lobes are very soft. Make soft groaning noises but don·t squeal since you are kissing on the ears!

KISSING

French Kiss Also known as the ´Soul Kissµ, the French kiss is a passionate form of kissing. Start with a soft kiss on the lips and very slowly start exploring your partner·s mouth with your tongue.

KISSING

Hand Kiss This one is ideally done by the dude. Take your wifes hand in your hand and lightly kiss the top of her hand. In the days of yore, the man used to bow or go down on one knee and then perform this kiss

KISSING

Hot n Cold Kiss A very exciting kiss, in this, you need to put a cold drink in your mouth and tell your partner to have a warm drink. Have the sensation in your mouths and kiss passionately. You will be left with a wonderful sensation after you are done kissing.

KISSING

Neck Kiss This is a very sensual kiss. You need to come up from behind your partner, embrace gently and kiss the back of the neck. Slowly proceed to the side while kissing and withdraw gently.

KISSING
Shoulder Kiss Known to be a sensual and loving kiss, the shoulder kiss involves coming from behind your partner and kissing on top of the shoulder a few times.

Sip Kiss This is a fun kiss to try with your partner. Take a sip of your favorite non-alcholic drink and leave a bit of it on your lips. Now kiss your partner and create an enjoyable and sensual feeling.

KISSING
Tiger Kiss Do it like a playful tiger! They sneak upon their prey and attack without any noise. Sneak up behind your partner and grab him/her out of the blue. While he/she still tries to get over the pleasant shock, start nibbling and lightly kissing their neck and don·t forget to growl like a cub!

KISSING

Upside-Down Kiss Seen Spiderman? He lowers himself head-first while dangling from his web and passionately kisses MJ. Since you cannot dangle from anywhere, you kiss your partner when he/she is lying down or seated. Come from behind and have them tilt their head backwards. Gently kiss the lower lip and feel your partner breathing softly on your neck.

SEX POSITIONS
The following slides are some of the most common positions The most common is missionary But in the end it·s whatever gives satisfaction to both partners (we don·t advocate any) Be creative Be respectful Enjoy what God has made lawful for you

http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/health/sex/better-sex-guide/sexpositions-that-double-as-exercise/?page=2

SEX POSITIONS
Missionary Woman on top Lotus

http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/health/sex/better-sex-guide/sexpositions-that-double-as-exercise/?page=2

SEX POSITIONS
Standing Scissors Bridge

http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/health/sex/better-sex-guide/sexpositions-that-double-as-exercise/?page=2

SEX POSITIONS
Arch Lunges

http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/health/sex/better-sex-guide/sexpositions-that-double-as-exercise/?page=2

SEX POSITIONS

The ´T-shapedµ position.

A sitting sex position.

The ´spooningµ position.

MASSAGE POSITIONS

AFTER INTERCOURSE
Both should have ghusl Or if not make wudu And then have full bath or ghusl later

CARESSING ONE·S WIFE EVEN WHILE MENSTRUATION

Prophetic Hadiths: The Prophet (pbuh) said concerning the woman, who is in her menstrual period, "Do what you want except sexual intercourse. [Reported by the five most authentic narrators except Al--Bukhari] When the Prophet (pbuh) wants to do something with one of his wives during her menstrual period, he covers her vagina and does what he wants. [Reported by Abu Dawud]

PROHIBITED SEX
During menstruation Anal Sex While fasting There may be others but these are the most common Do not discuss intimate bedroom and sexual secrets with friends and acquaintances

"Amongst the lowest grades of people before God on the day of judgement, is the man going to his wife (and making sex) and she going to him: then either of them divulging their common secret." (Abu Said)

ROLE PLAYING AND FANTASY

This is another area which is difficult because it covers a very wide array of things. There is certainly a difference between fantasizing you and your spouse are making love on the beach of a deserted island, and pretending to be having an adulterous affair. Since God cares about our thoughts, not just our actions, there must be a line in this that we should not cross, but where is that line? A safe way to approach this is to say it's wrong to fantasize or act out anything it would be wrong to actually do. This means you must always play yourselves, not a real movie star or someone you know. It also means you must be married in the fantasy. However, we do not think this means you must limit yourself to things you might actually be able to do. If you want to pretend it's several hundred years ago and you are a ship captain and a damsel saved from pirates, go for it (you got married at the nearest port). Or maybe you are husband and wife on a spaceship, exploring the bounds of the universe and the bounds of weightless sex.

http://www.themarriagebed.com/pages/sexuality/splay/whatisokay.shtml

AVOIDING PORNOGRAPHY

Everything a couple includes in their sex life should build them up, and direct them towards each other. Sexually explicit material can easily cause unrealistic or impossible expectations, cause doubt about how we look, or make us feel inadequate. Obviously these things are destructive, and any material that causes such feelings should be excluded. God is concerned with our hearts, not just our actions. If what we read or view causes us to desire or fantasize about sinful sexual activities, then we have sinned in our hearts. Finally we are told that there are things which are not sinful, but are also not profitable. We must decide if there is any good to come from something, and weigh that against any bad that could come from it.

REFERENCES

Thes are references I found on the web (http://www.centralmosque.com/fiqh/kissf.htm) http://www.islamawareness.net/Sex/ Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: ´One of you should not fulfil one·s (sexual) need from one·s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.µ (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55) The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) also stated: ´Every game a person plays is futile except for archery, training one·s horse and playing with one·s wifeµ. (Sunan Tirmidhi, Musnad Ahmad, Sunan Ibn Majah). The following Hadith ought to act as a strong warning and a deterrent to those guilty of this. Hazrat Abu Saeed (radiyallahuanhu) reports that Nabi (sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam) said: "The worst person in the eyes of Allah on the Day of Qiyamah is that couple who have an intimate relation with each other and the man then reveals the (bedroom) secrets to others" -Muslim Shareef

REFERENCES

http://www.zawaj.com/articles/intimate.html

PROHIBITION OF ANAL INTERCOURSE

Anal intercourse, which is forbidden in Islam. A man may get to his wife from her behind, provided the male organ is introduced in the vagina and not in the anus. This was clearly indicated by the Quran and the Sunna- The Quran says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when and how you will" (2:223)

His companions were surprised and asked him' 'How come the one of us answers the urge of his desire and out of this gets the reward of a charity. To which the prophet answered: Don't you see that if he does the same but in a forbidden situation it would be counted against him as a sin? And so if he does it in legitimacy it is counted for him as a charity." (Muslim)

Tantric foreplay Tantric foreplay is the first step in the lovemaking session according to the tantra principles. Tantric sex is against rushing things for the purpose of reaching an orgasm, so tantric foreplay is a way to prepare the body and the mind for the union between the two bodies and the universe. The tantric rules say that foreplay must be focused on the preparation before sexual intercourse. Tantric foreplay may include sensual baths between the two partners in a relaxing atmosphere. Fragrance oil and candles may also be used to set up the mood.[6] The tantric foreplay is only about giving each other time to connect spiritually and bind. Staring at each other while in a cross-legged position and touching the other's hand palms is a usual foreplay tactic used by tantra practitioners. Tantric foreplay may also include massages. The massage that is applied, according to the tantric philosophy, has not the purpose to reach orgasms but to give each other pleasure and connect at a spiritual level

GO SLOW AND ALLOW WIFE TO REACH
ORGASM "If any of you has sex with his wife let he be true to her. If he attains his pleasure before her then he shouldn't hurry her away until she also attains her pleasure." (Anas ) "Let-not the one of you fall upon his wife like a beast (camel) falls. It is more appropriate to set a messenger afore the act"

GO SLOW AND ALLOW WIFE TO REACH
ORGASM

Standard writings in sexology over the past few decades have described the physiological human sexual response and classified it into the four phases of excitation, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Ideally these phases should coincide in both partners, otherwise there will be sexual dysharmony, often due to the man getting his orgasm while the woman is still eagerly awaiting, with inflamed desire, to also achieve her orgasm. As orgasm is followed by resolution where the male organ gets flacid and the man enters into a refractory period after his sexual desire has been satiated through orgasm, the conclusion of the act at that stage would be unfair to the woman having been aroused but not satisfied, and that is what the prophet warns against. The man should not just turn his back and go away or go to sleep, leaving his wife frustrated. The coital exercise should proceed until she is satisfied. An effective method of correcting this form of dyshan:nony is to spend time enjoying their intimacy and helping themselves to one another's bodies in totality, before moving on to genital intercourse.

GO SLOW AND ALLOW WIFE TO REACH
ORGASM

The pleasures of sex spread themselves over a much wider area than the genital region, as manifest in kissing, embracing and caressing the body especially over the erogenous zones of the female physique. This indeed is the normal and commendable approach to sex. It adds to the mechanistic element of sex, the emotional dimension of tender love and mutual affection beautifully portrayed in the Quran as: "They are your garments, and they are yours. " It also ensures that by the time the couple move on to genital introduction, the woman would have been aroused over a sufficient period of time and become so excited that she is already quite near her orgasm. In modern medical jargon this prelude is called the' 'foreplay', but again long before it was dreamt in the rest of the world of such women's rights, the prophet of Islam gave the same guidance, politely referring to foreplay as the "messenger", in his saying:

Similarly a woman should be responsive to her husband's call. Seeing that men are more prone to sexual arousal by a variety of visual stimuli as they move about all day, the prophet's advice was that the wife should always answer her husband's call: "The right of the husband is that when he calls his wife to sex she should not deny him herself." (Tialissi) The prophet also advised that whenever a man sees something that arouses his sexual desire, he should go and have sex with his wife.

THE PRINCIPLES OF CONJUGAL LOVE IN ISLAM ARE FEW AND UNCOMPLICATED.

1. Sexual relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the wife and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse is not limited to vaginal penetration but includes other forms of sexual caressing, such as kissing and fondling of various kinds. 2. Nothing should be done that is offensive or harmful to either person. Each has a duty to be sexually available to the other, but neither has the right to disgust or injure the other. 3. With a few exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that they like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The Qur'an says, "Women are your fields. Go then into your fields as you please." (2:223) 4. It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is menstruating (Qur'an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the Prophet (God's grace and peace be upon him), a man and his menstruating wife can however give one another pleasure so long as the woman's genitals are avoided. 5. There are ahadith that forbid anal intercourse and scholars generally agree that it is not permissible. However, in his tafsir (commentary) Tabaari (3d century A.H.) while forbidding sodomy, says that earlier authorities were divided on the question.

OTHER GUIDELINES

6. The Qur'an and the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various forms that sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that it is up to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to decide how to physically express their sexual desires. 7. What goes on in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be discussed or revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity, such as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (pbuh) said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their sexual practices: "Do you know what those who do this are like? Those who do this are like a male and female devil who meet each other on the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on." Therefore, in Islam the husband and the wife choose their sexual activities according to the sure teaching of the Qur'an, in the light of the Sunnah as we are able to understand and appreciate it, in mutual respect for one another and knowing that the only witness to the expression of their desires will be Allah the Exalted, who will judge them according to their deeds and their heartfelt intentions. The question of the lawfulness of oral-genital contact is difficult because there are many opinions. For some, it is forbidden. For others, tolerated. For some it is lawful. Some consider it to be lawful as long as the couple use such contacts as foreplay and conclude their love-making with vaginal intercourse. I believe that this is a matter to be decided by the husband and wife together after seeking the guidance of Allah, who alone knows best.

LAWFUL SEX

We are to have sex only in marriage; one man with one woman. We are to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse. We are to abstain from immoral sex.
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