Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence

Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way—this is not easy. Aristotle, The Nichomachean Ethics

Head
Rational, logical Neocortex Hippocampus Thinking IQ

Heart
Emotional, affective Limbic System Amygdala Feeling EQ

Goleman cites a “massive survey” that shows a worldwide trend for the present generation of children to be more troubled emotionally than the last: more lonely and depressed, more angry and unruly, more nervous, and prone to worry, more impulsive and aggressive. His theme in the book: how can we bring intelligence to our emotions—and civility to our streets and caring to our communal life? Emotional Quotient is measured by the skill level of the following personal and social competencies:
    

Self-restraint Self-control Zeal, Persistence Self-motivating Compassion, Empathy

Chapter One: What Are Emotions For?

to domesticate emotional life. capable of reading emotional reality  Full emotional heat is very brief. selfconfirming . love. (See Appendix A of the text for details on the seven basic emotions. expression of emotion is cultural. loss. disgust. fear. with complicated situations  Childlike: categorical thinking. “exquisitely coordinated” most often. compare to mood states  Slow. sadness: all prepare the body for specific responses. Laws are meant to civilize us. instantaneous. surprise. implicit: emotions are catalysts for action Note emotions: anger. happiness. persisting towards goal. following cognition.Example of altruistic love that overrides the impulse for personal survival: saving CP daughter. bonding with others. Has passion ever overwhelmed reason?—give personal examples. sacrificing life Emotions guide us in facing predicaments too important to leave to intellect alone: danger. building a family A view of human nature that ignores the power of emotions is sadly shortsighted. when does the balance tip one way or the other? Review Appendix B: Hallmarks of the Emotional Mind: the research of Ekman and Epstein reviewed The characteristics of the emotional mind  Quick. to subdue and harness emotional excess (Freud) Emotion: “to move away”. personalization. Our two minds: the one that thinks and the one that feels.) Emotion is biological. without cognitive input  Strong certainty in action  Radar for danger.

snapping—all behaviors that are later judged to be inappropriate. old mammalian brain and the new mammalian brain. raises heart rate. increases the adrenaline to increase sensitivity of senses. Aren’t your thoughts and behaviors different depending on the emotion that is present? Examples? Review the development of the three brains: reptilian brain. therefore the rationalization Reacts to the present as though it were the past: strongly or subtly State specific: each feeling has its own distinct repertoire of thought and behaviors. . sending messages to all parts of the brain and activating the brain’s fight or flight response. slows breathing The brain has two memories: the hippocampus remembers facts.   Self-justifying: emotions come with a set of perceptions and “proofs” that does not value logic and reason. losing it. the amygdala attaches emotions to those facts. or brainstem. redirecting blood flow to muscles. “Anatomically the emotional system can act independently of the neocortex” The amygdala is the brain’s alarm system. Emotional responses precede rational responses when the stimulus is directed to amygdala (“the seat of all passion”) prior to its going to the neocortex area. The emotional areas of the brain are intertwined via myriad connecting circuits to all parts of the neocortex. Flashbulb memories: those that have such a strong emotional component that details of the memory are easy to recall. limbic system and neocortex. Why is that significant? Chapter Two: Anatomy of an Emotional Hijacking Emotional explosions. exaggerated and regretful.

a Vietnam vet hitting the sidewalk at the sound of a car’s backfiring. revealed that there was less activity in the frontal cortex. The neocortex brings a more analytical and appropriate response to our emotional impulses. but with above average IQs.. Confirmation of Freud: the interactions of life’s earliest years lay down a set of emotional lesions based on the attunement and upsets in the contacts between infant and caregivers: “wordless blueprints for emotional life” may be the result of the amygdala. aggression Left lobe: inhibits the right lobe. which matures faster than the hippocampus. Out of date neural alarms: explains PTSD.e. our emotional reactions to similar stimuli are exaggerated and unfounded. disruption. A whole perception may be formed wholly on the basis of only some parts. our work is to harmonize head and heart. So. Provide an example.Evidence for the unconscious mind: amygdala is a repository for emotional impressions and memories that we have never known about in full awareness. Their behaviors included impulsivity. anxiety. Neuropsychological testing of boys who were doing poorly in school. i. The brain’s damper switch for the amygdala’s surges appears to lie at the other end of a major circuit to the neocortex in the prefrontal lobes just behind the forehead. Premise: intellect cannot work at its best without emotional intelligence. how are you doing with that? . Precognitive emotion: a reaction based on neural bits integrated into a recognizable object. poor emotional control. Right lobe: fear. modulating the amygdala and other limbic regions. the key “off” switch for distressing emotions.

determining how well we use other skills we have. Frames of Mind. ability to resolve conflicts. and naturalistic Interpersonal Intelligence: leadership. spatial. (and “guiding visionary behind Tuft University’s Project Spectrum”) proposed multiple intelligences: verbal.Chapter Three: When Smart Is Dumb How can a really intelligent high school kid stab a physics teacher with a knife? Is there such a thing as temporary insanity? EQ defined:  Motivating self  Persisting in the face of frustrations  Controlling impulse  Delaying gratification  Regulating moods  Keeping distress from overwhelming the ability to think  Empathizing and optimistic Emotional aptitude (character) is a meta-ability. emotionally tuning in to yourself. kinesthetic. mathematical. skill at social analysis Intrapersonal Intelligence: ability to understand self and use that model to operate effectively in life. such as intellect The Vailliant longitudinal study at Harvard: men with the highest IQs in college were not particularly successful compared to their lower scoring peers in terms of salary. Our humanity is most evident in our feelings . status or productivity. essential for interpersonal intelligence Review of behaviorism and cognitive theory and the paucity of acknowledgment of the value of emotions in understanding behavior. Howard Gardner. ability to nurture relationships and keep friends. musical. intrapersonal. family and romantic relationships. interpersonal. life satisfaction or happiness with friendships. 1983.

Yale University. guilt  Hesitant to express anger directly High EQ Type: Male and Female . UC-Berkley. handling feelings Motivating oneself.Synonyms of EQ: social intelligence. dogged  Untroubled by concerns about himself  Critical and condescending  Fastidious and inhibited  Uneasy with sexuality and intimacy  Unexpressive and detached  Emotionally bland and cold High IQ Pure Type: Female  Introspective  Prone to anxiety. examines his concept of ego resilience. with four domains:     Emotional regulation Adaptive impulsive control Sense of self-efficacy Social intelligence Block’s research notes high IQ pure types vs. predictable. a synonym for EQ. studies social intelligence and notes five domains:      Self-awareness Managing emotions. high EQ pure types: High IQ Pure Type: Male  Ambitious. productive. self-directing Empathy and altruism Handling relationships to support popularity. rumination. personal intelligence Thorndike: social intelligence is both distinct from academic abilities and a key part of what makes people do well in the practicalities of life. Peter Salovey. leadership and interpersonal effectiveness Jack Block.

autonomous and sure of their own boundaries. observing ego. mercurial personalities. open to sensual experiences Rarely feel anxiety or guilt Block asserts that pure types are extreme and that all of us mix both IQ and EQ in varying degrees. an interested yet unreactive witness. overwhelmed and emotionally out of control  Accepting: accepting of emotions and don’t try to change them. ethical Sympathetic and caring in relationships Rich emotional life Comfortable with self and others and world Assertive Express feelings directly Playful. Chapter Four: Know Thyself Metacognition: our own awareness of our thought processes. bad moods don’t stay around long  Engulfed: swamped by their emotions and helpless to escape from them. spontaneous. those who are in a good mood with no reason to change and those who are susceptible to bad ones but don’t change them: a laissez-faire attitude. unaware of feelings so they are lost in them. an ability to think about out own cognitive abilities Metamood: an ability to understand our own emotions Freud’s similar concept: “an evenly hovering attention”. little control over emotional life. a slight stepping back from experience Mayer’s styles for attending to and dealing with emotions  Self-awareness: these people are psychologically healthy. resigned or helpless . optimistic. “a neutral mode that maintains self-reflectiveness even amidst turbulent emotions.           Socially poised. outgoing. sophisticated about their emotional lives. cheerful Not prone to fearfulness or rumination Capacity for commitment to people/causes Responsible.

unable to assign values to decisions The key to sounder personal decision-making: being attuned to our feelings. feel both positive and negative emotions more strongly than do men. Diener finds that women. registering in the cortex. unconscious. self-awareness Is it possible to have no inner emotional life at all? SOMATIZATION: mistaking an emotional ache for a physical one. ALEXITHYMIA: lacking words for feelings.How would you react in an airplane during turbulence? Would you be vigilant or would you tune out your surroundings? Sensitizers: those who tune in and amplify their own reactions Repressors: those who distract themselves and minimize the experience of their emotional response Extreme cases noted by Diener: college student and the woman who lost her pen. utterly lacking in the fundamental skill of emotional intelligence. registering in the amygdala Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental of emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood . notable in Asian populations in therapy Theory related to alexithymia: disconnect between limbic system and neocortex Case Study: Elliot’s tumor and removal that caused emotional blunting or alexithymia. inability to express emotions. in general. valuing gut feelings Two levels of emotion: conscious.

a time out. We have some say in how long an emotion will last How successful are you at escaping foul moods? ANGER is the mood people are worst at controlling. often pushing one into an emotional hijacking Controlling anger can come with understanding or reframing an incident and cooling down by waiting out the adrenal surge in a safe place. not less Anger: don’t suppress it. outrage pumps up the brain’s arousal. and some think that it shouldn’t be controlled since to be angry is ventilation and catharsis. but don’t act on it. a tempered balance and wisdom (Greek) Temperantia: temperance.Chapter Five: Passion’s Slave Sophrosyne: care and intelligence in conducting one’s life. Anger Management techniques by Tice  Going off to be alone while cooling down  Active exercise  Deep breathing and muscle relaxation  Distraction  Thought stopping and disputation Refuting catharsis: giving vent to anger did nothing to dispel it. Cool down and address the issue constructively Generalized Anxiety Disorder (the worrier) has all the attributes of a low-grade emotional hijacking: . the restraining of emotional excess (Catholic) Managing our emotions is a full-time job. Anger builds on anger. Leaving one feeling more angry. Leaving the scene is sometimes a good idea.

pp.     Comes from nowhere Uncontrollable Steady hum of anxiety Impervious to reason Locks the worrier into a single.e. wash the car  Cognitive reframing: seeing it differently  Praying or meditating Therapy for depression: just do it even if you don’t feel like it. . inflexible view of the worrisome topic Anxiety has two components: cognitive and somatic Managing low-grade anxiety: self-awareness. medication Managing sadness: bereavement is useful and should be experienced as a time out to contemplate loss and adjust and move on. 76-77. Sadness and depression can be managed by  Socializing. They may come to be that way with an innate temperament. to a movie or ballgame  Recognizing and resisting rumination  Aerobic exercise  Lifts to self-image: getting a massage  Engineering a small success: clean the closets. challenging thoughts. i. a reaction to a chaotic family life. the unflappable ones About one in six people are unflappable. tuning out emotional upset. make a special effort to divert attention towards pleasant things ECT: may work because it affects STM and the patients don’t remember why they are depressed REPRESSORS: those who blot emotional disturbances from their awareness. relaxation. going out to eat. the alcoholic parent Any repressors in the class? See an explanation related to neural activity by Davidson. modeling by unflappable parents.

the work of the prefrontal cortex Comparing Asian-American children and Caucasian children with academic success. easily upset by frustrations. and those who . self reliant  Better able to cope with the frustrations of life  Less likely to go to pieces in the face of difficulties  More likely to persist in challenges  More trustworthy and dependable  More initiating and take-charge  More academically competent in high school  Better on SAT scores (210 point difference) The remaining 1/3 of the subjects. Working memory: the executive function of mental life.Chapter Six: The Master Aptitude The emotional brain has the power to paralyze the thinking brain. Mischel: goal-directed self-imposed delay of gratification is perhaps the essence of emotional self-regulation. the research of Walter Mischel. the former have an emotional edge coming from dedication and hard work Impulse Control: the Marshmallow Test. to regress under stress. Poor delay of gratification skills at age four is a better predictor of later delinquency than IQ score. stubborn and indecisive. a meta-ability Alpert’s research on test anxiety: two kinds of anxious students: those for whom anxiety undoes their academic performance. mistrustful and resentful about not “getting enough”. prone to jealousy and envy. and overreacting to irritations with temper and arguments. without those skills were judged to be more shy in social contacts. those four year olds with impulse control and delay of gratification skills (about 2/3 of the subjects) were tested again at adolescence and found to be  More socially competent  More personally effective  More self-assertive.

defined: “believing you have both the will and the way to accomplish your goals. What do you do? The response to the above dilemma was a measure of the student’s level of hope. “Explanatory style tells you who gives up. whether intellectual or interpersonal. sell more insurance Underlying both hope and optimism is a self-perception of efficacy. self-efficacy is the belief that one has mastery over the events of one’s life. and to find solutions to problems.use anxiety as a motivator for preparation for performance (called “anticipatory anxiety”) Good moods enhance the ability to think flexibly. a state of self-forgetfulness. whatever they may be. It is now one week after you have learned about the D grade. a blissful self-absorption. when your first exam score.” Review the Seligman research with MetLife: optimists stay with the job. anxiety. emotions contained and channeled. you have received a D. energized and aligned with the task at hand. According to Bandura. with more complexity. egoless To enter this state of flow:  Intentionally focus attention to the task at hand  Engage in a skill at a level that slightly taxes your ability . and can meet challenges as they come up. the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performance and learning.” Hope is negatively correlated with depression. Hope. pessimism Seligman: scores on an optimism scale were a better predictor of freshman year grades than SAT scores or high school GPA. Snyder’s research suggested that one’s level of hope was a better predictor of first-semester grades than SAT scores. Csikszentmihalyi’s concept of flow: excellence becomes effortless. positive. A hypothetical question to students: Although you set your goal of getting a B. worth 30% of your grade is returned.

How can teachers and parents facilitate this experience in activities related to homework? According to Gardner. Learning is enhanced by the experience of flow.Mastery is spurred on by the experience of flow. popularity. The developmental unfolding of empathy  Infants respond to another’s crying by mimicking the cry  Motor mimicry is the physical imitation of the distress of another  Ability to empathize in childhood relates to how parents discipline the child: calling attention to the distress of others and relating it to how their misbehavior caused the distress  Parental displays of empathy help children develop a repertoire of empathic response  Attunement: moments of intimacy between parent and child where the parent matches the baby’s level of excitement Making love is perhaps the closest approximation in adult life to this intimate attunement between infant and mother. at its best. sensitivity to others Women are better at empathy than men. gesture. Chapter Seven: The Roots of Empathy Failure to register another person’s feelings is a major deficit in emotional intelligence. an act of mutual empathy. Can you explain that? Ninety percent or more of an emotional message is nonverbal. What are the costs of misattunement between mother and infant? In the most extreme cases. all rapport The key to intuiting another’s feelings is in the ability to read nonverbals: tone of voice. Lovemaking is. identify the child’s profile of natural competencies and play to her strengths while at the same time shore up some of her weaknesses. empathy is the root of caring. facial expression Review the research of Rosenthal: ability to empathize related to emotional adjustment. extroversion. the author suggests that the result will be “borderline personality disorder” .

substituting  Susceptible to emotional contagion  Coordination of moods: the essence of rapport Gardner’s research on interpersonal intelligence at the Spectrum school identifies four components: • Leadership skills: organizing and coordinating groups . Is it possible to teach adults empathy? Can child molesters be treated successfully by empathy training? See Pithers’ ‘perspective-taking therapy’ as a model. The opposite of empathy is antipathy.Levenson research: the most empathic accuracy occurs between husbands and wives whose own physiology tracked that of the spouse. The roots of morality are found in empathy. Interesting research finding: wife batterers beat up their wives in a cold. Explain. calculating state rather than while being carried away by the heat of rage. Empathic anger: a feeling of retaliation which wound us through wounding those we care about The sociopathy (antisocial personality disorder) does what he does because of his total lack of empathy for the victim. Psychopathy as a result of neural defect? Is there such a thing as a “bad seed”? Chapter Eight: The Social Arts Social Competence (Social Intelligence)  Self-control  Attunement to others  Patience  Display rules: minimizing. exaggerating.

misinterpreting body language. Social Incompetence: the fear that nothing you can say will interest another. concerns Warning: interpersonal skills like those above must be balanced by an astute sense of your own needs and feelings and how to fulfill them. poor sense of prosody (the emotional quality of speech) When coming into a new group. The ‘as-if personality’ changes based on others’ expectations. ineptitude in the most basic social graces Dyssemia: a learning disability in the realm of nonverbal messages. . poor sense of personal space. This is what unpopular children do. moderate or high in this trait. the two cardinal sins that almost always lead to rejection are trying to take the lead too soon and being out of synch with the frame of reference. One can be low. The social chameleon Snyder calls ‘self-monitoring’. motives.• Negotiating solutions for conflicts: mediating • Personal connection and empathy • Social analysis: detecting others’ feelings.

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