HOGS

By
David Polk

An Original Screenplay

176 Dusty Rose Court

Simi Valley, CA 93065
805.428.5775
dpolk@mac.com
ONSCREEN TEXT:
"Pigs get fed. Hogs get slaughtered."
-- Business Lesson #1.

INT. BEDROOM - DAWN

DIGITAL CLOCK - 6:55 a.m.

A Bose Wave radio booms to life with Rod Stewart’s

"Infatuation". Curtains automatically part, revealing a
high-rise view of the sun rising over downtown Chicago.
A naked man - for now we’ll call him OUR GUY - rolls out of
bed. ANGLE on his toned, sun-tanned buttocks as he struts
across the spacious room to Rod’s musical stylings.
Our Guy’s got the moves.

INT. BATHROOM/BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

QUICK CUTS of Our Guy (but not his face yet) showering,
shaving, blow drying, dressing in Armani. We finally see his
face when he straightens his tie in the mirror:
Early twenties. Handsome. A smooth operator. Our Guy smiles
and winks at himself. "Cha-ching".

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Our Guy strides across a kick-ass bachelor pad to the door.

HOT BLONDE (O.S.)

Hey, baby...
Our Guy turns to a HOT BLONDE in Frederick’s of Hollywood.

HOT BLONDE
Forget something?
When the tonsil probe ends, she bites his bottom lip.
HOT BLONDE
Hurry home, lover.
Our Guy smiles. "Cha-ching" - just living the dream, baby.
 2.

INT. LOBBY - DAY

Ding. Elevator doors open and out strides Our Guy, reading
his smartphone. A stocky, black DOORMAN opens glass doors
for him.

DOORMAN
’Morning, Sir!
OUR GUY
Hi, Doorman!

EXT. BUILDING DRIVEWAY - CONTINUOUS

A gleaming ASTIN MARTIN, engine running, waits for Our Guy.
The VALET opens the door for him.

VALET
Make a million bucks today, Sir!
OUR GUY
(climbs in car)
You bet, Car Parking Dude!

INT. ASTIN MARTIN - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

"Infatuation" blares on the car stereo. Our Guy glances in
the rearview mirror at Doorman, Valet and Hot Blonde in the
driveway. He smiles to himself, hits the gas and - BAM! -
MUSIC SCREECHES TO A HALT.
REVEAL Our Guy has rammed the back of a MANURE TRUCK. PIGS
SQUEAL. GOOEY SHIT flows through the Astin Martin’s windows
and sunroof, covering Our Guy as we --
SMASH CUT TO:

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - DAY

Where the dream abruptly ends. A BUZZING alarm has replaced

"Infatuation". Our Guy, CHRIS MATHESON, looks at the
clock. It’s 7:35!
CHRIS
Shit!
He bolts from bed, races around his crappy studio apartment,
finds a pair of khakis. He pulls them on, flies out the
door. Beat.
 3.

CHRIS (O.S.)
Shit!
Chris bursts back in, grabs a polo shirt. He’s putting it on
as he races out again.

INT. "L" TRAIN - DAY

Packed. Doors closing when Chris runs up and squeezes
inside, much to the displeasure of a FAT PUERTO RICAN
WOMAN.
CHRIS
(nervous smile)
Sorry.

The train lurches ahead. Chris grabs the rail, touching

hands with the woman, their bodies pressed uncomfortably
together. Chris offers another sheepish smile. She rolls her
eyes.
Now we notice that Chris, while not as handsome as he was in
his dream, is good-looking, if a bit unkempt.

INT. TRAIN - MOVING - A FEW STOPS LATER

Fat Puerto Rican Woman reacts to Chris’ closeness to her. He
offers another apologetic grin. She turns her head away.
CONDUCTOR (V.O.)
(through P.A. system)
Next stop, Clark Street.

The train stops. More people squeeze on. Chris and Fat
Puerto Rican Woman are pressed even closer together. He
sneaks a peek at her bosom. Fat chick. Nice rack.
Train’s moving again, nearing the Loop.

CONDUCTOR (V.O.)
(through P.A. system)
LaSalle Street. Next stop, LaSalle.
Chris seems to be concentrating hard. Fat Puerto Rican Woman
feels something. She glances down. Realizes what it is. She
fixes Chris with an evil glare. She hauls off and WHACKS
him!
FAT PUERTO RICAN WOMAN
Disgusting PERV!
 4.

CHRIS
(oh shit!)
What??

EXT. LASALLE STREET STATION, PLATFORM - CONTINUOUS

The train stops and the doors open. Chris bursts out, Fat
Puerto Rican Woman right behind him, cursing in Spanish.

EXT. LASALLE STREET - MOMENTS LATER

Chris walk-runs down the street. Fat Puerto Rican Woman is

in the distance, still cursing up a storm.
Safe from one problem, he turns to a fresh one. A billboard
clock says it’s 8:35. He’s so fucking late!

EXT. CHICAGO MERCHANTILE EXCHANGE BUILDING - DAY

Establishing the "Merc", the sleek skyscraper at the heart
of Chicago’s financial district.

INT. FLOOR OF THE MERC - DAY

Traders in multicolored jackets crowd the "Pits", raised
octagonal structures where open-outcry trading takes place.
It’s total chaos with shouting and wild hand gestures.
In contrast, all around them Globex monitors silently
register billions of dollars in trades.

INT. MAILROOM - DAY

Busy with clerks and runners. We’ll call them the GRUNTS.
The head honcho, BROCK, strolls the aisle lording over his
domain. He’s in his forties, with a buzz cut and a serious
stick up his ass. Grunts avoid eye contact with him.
We hear a CRASH. Brock’s head snaps to the sound. A grunt on
his knees collecting the fallen stack looks up like a deer
in headlights into Brock’s contemptuous glare.

Over Brock’s shoulder, in b.g., Chris slips past and starts

working at a bin. Brock "senses" him, sneers and turns
around. He goes to Chris, stands close. Real close.
 5.

CHRIS
(casually sorting mail)
Hey, Brock. What’s up?
BROCK
You are, apparently. Oversleep
again, Matheson?
CHRIS
What?? C’mon, I’ve been here!

Brock cuts his eyes to SAM MEEKS, a strapping, easygoing lug

in his early twenties. Sam looks busy.
BROCK
(sneering at Chris)
You’ve got two strikes, Matheson.
One more and you’re outta here.
Brock turns to continue down the aisle and Chris gives him
two fingers of his own, one on each hand. Then he exchanges
a look with Sam.

INT. ELEVATOR
Chris and Sam side-by-side with mail carts.
CHRIS
Thanks for clocking me in, man.
SAM
No prob. But you’re gonna get both
our asses canned you keep it up.
Hope you at least have a good
reason, like you finally got some.
Ding. The elevator doors open.
CHRIS
Catch you at lunch.

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR - DAY

A low rent commodities trading firm specializing in pork
futures. We find Chris delivering mail. He glimpses what’s
going on inside the office behind a secretary’s station.
A BUXOM SECRETARY is flirting with her BOSS, a short, pudgy
Gordon Gecko wannabe with slicked-back hair and suspenders.
He palms her ass. She smiles at something he says, walks to
the door and closes it. We hear it LOCK.
 6.

Chris tosses outgoing mail in the cart and shakes his head.
Some guys. He starts pushing the cart away.
ERICA (O.S.)
Wait! Please wait!

Chris turns as ERICA HOUSE rushes up to him, her arms full

of small gift boxes. She’s a sweet-looking black girl in her
early twenties.
ERICA
(breathless)
Hi. Could you take these down to
Fed-Ex?
CHRIS
Yeah, sure.

ERICA
Thanks! Thanks so much!
As she unloads the boxes into his cart:

ERICA
I was so worried that I missed you.
My boss really needs these
delivered to New York by tomorrow
morning.

CHRIS
(finishes counting boxes)
That’s twenty two.
ERICA
Right... Well, thanks again.
Relieved, she turns to go.
CHRIS
What about the shipping forms?

Erica turns back. Oh Fuck! is written all over her face.

ERICA
I knew I forgot something!

CHRIS
No prob. There’s another pickup at
three. Just bring the forms down,
I’ll make sure they get out.
 7.

ERICA
Will they reach New York by
tomorrow morning?
CHRIS
Uh...sorry, no. But they’re
guaranteed by two tomorrow
afternoon.
ERICA
(really fretting)
Is there any other way to get them
delivered by tomorrow morning??
CHRIS
I’m afraid not. Look, I’m sorry,
but I’ve got to keep moving.

He moves past her. We hear a SNIFFLE. Chris stops, turns.

Erica’s practically in tears.
ERICA
(overwhelmed)
I’m sorry... It’s just...it’s my
first day...they told me that
normally they’re already wrapped,
but this time they weren’t...so I
had to wrap them all myself and...

Beat. Chris is at a loss.

CHRIS
Look, Miss, I’d really like to help
but if I don’t go now, everybody’s
mail is going to be late.
ERICA
(pulling it together)
I know, I know... It’s okay.
Really. It’s not your problem.

OFF Chris, feeling that maybe it is...

MINUTES LATER
Chris and Erica hurriedly fill out Fed-Ex forms at Buxom
Secretary’s desk.
ERICA
If I do well as a temp they might
keep me on full time. So I really
appreciate you doing this.
 8.

CHRIS
Don’t thank me yet. These still
might not make it by ten tomorrow
morning.

ERICA
(a really sweet smile)
They will.
Just as the last form is filled out, Buxom Secretary comes
out of her boss’ office. Her "just been fucked" smile
vanishes.
ERICA
I’m sorry, we’re done.
BUXOM SECRETARY
(duh!)
Yeah. I think so.
Her boss appears at the door.
BOSS
Leah, I need the Smeltz file.
BUXOM SECRETARY/LEAH
Yes, Mr. Bronson. Right away.
LEAH gives Chris and Erica the Evil Eye before moving off to
a file cabinet.
ERICA
Thanks again.

CHRIS
Sure. No problem. Hope the rest of
your day goes better.
ERICA
(the sweet smile again)
It already is.
Chris moves off.
ERICA
(calls after him)
What’s your name?
CHRIS
Chris.
 9.

ERICA
Thank you, Chris. I’m Erica.
CHRIS
Hi, Erica. See you around.

INT. GOLD COAST DOGS - DAY

Chris and Sam check out the menu board.

SAM
Man, that’s just wrong. Sick and
wrong. You really got wood?
CHRIS
Yeah, but they were pressed up
against me from Ravenswood to
LaSalle.
SAM
I thought you said she was like two
hundred pounds.

CHRIS
It’s not like she was ugly. She
looked a little like Michelle
Rodriguez. You know, before we
found out she’s a lez.

SAM
I’m starting to worry about you, C.
You really need to find a woman.
CHRIS
Hey, I do all right.
SAM
So you’re saying you got Michelle
Round-riguez’s number?

INT. GOLD COAST DOGS - LATER

Chris and Sam eat dogs at a table with AMY FARENTINO. Her
red jacket tells us she’s a Merc floor runner. She’s poring
over a thick textbook, punching keys on a CALCULATOR.

AMY
Piece of Shit!
 10.

SAM
What’s the prob, babe?

AMY
I just got this thing and it’s
already dead. If I don’t turn this
in tonight I’m screwed. It’s worth
thirty percent of my grade.

Amy and Sam give Chris an expectant look.

CHRIS
Seriously? Again?
AMY
Come on, C, help a sister out. I
promise I’ll do you a solid.
SAM
How ’bout you just do him? He needs
it bad.

Amy cuts Sam a dangerous look. Chris takes the book, studies
the equations for a moment or two. Then rattles off:
CHRIS
Fourteen, twenty-six, one thirteen,
seventy-seven, ninety-one...
Amy scribbles the answers. When Chris is finished:
SAM
Amazing. Tell me again, why are you
working in a mailroom?
CHRIS
Because I like it.

SAM
Right. Who doesn’t like working for
a Franken-douche like Brock?
AMY
Chris, you have a gift. You should
go back to school, finish your
degree, make something of yourself.
CHRIS
School is overrated. I mean, no
offense, but you both got your
undergraduate degrees - hell, half
the people we work with did - but
we’re all still grunts. I don’t
need a degree to make minimum wage.
 11.

AMY
If you felt that way, why’d you
even start college in the first
place?

CHRIS
Same reason you’re going for your
MBA - because my folks expected me
to. But my parents are dead, so I
don’t have to live up to anybody’s
expectations any more.

AMY
What about your own?
A beat. Chris seems to take this in.

SAM
Shit, screw his, what about
mine? You start raking in some
dough maybe you could drag my ass
outta the mailroom? It’s the least
you could do after all the times I
covered for your sleepy ass with
Brock.

INT. CHICAGO MERCHANTILE EXCHANGE BUILDING - DAY

Chris, Sam and Amy come through the revolving doors and
Chris stops cold. The Hot Blonde from his dream is walking
to the elevators.
SAM
Damn. Britt Voorhies is fine.

AMY
Excuse me?
SAM
(pulling foot out of mouth)
Uh...you know, you’re fine too
baby.
Amy smirks at Sam. Hot Blonde gets on the elevator.
AMY
Don’t want to bring you down, C,
but chick’s like that, they don’t
hook up with mailroom clerks.
 12.

SAM
(still digging out)
Hey, you hooked up with me!

AMY
(not buying it)
I meant girls who’s IQ is the same
as their cup size.

SAM
Oh.
AMY
"Oh". Say "Hi" to Britt while
you’re beating off the next two
weeks.
She walks off.
SAM
Ames! Aw, c’mon! Amy! Baby!

INT. BOOTH ABOVE THE FLOOR OF THE MERC - DAY

JACK MCCOY, Brooks Brothers suit, All-American good looks,
thirties, looks down at the chaos through the glass-encased
booth. He taps away on his smartphone.
PUSH IN ON THE DISPLAY and we see he’s making a trade. When
it goes through, he smiles to himself. Cha-ching.

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR - DAY

Ding. Jack steps off the elevator and makes his way past
cubicles and offices. At her desk, Leah sees him coming,
sticks out her chest and smiles invitingly.

LEAH
Hello, Mr. McCoy.
JACK
Hi, Leah. Did you do something with
your hair? I like it.

She knows it’s not her hair he’s impressed with.

LEAH
Thank you.

He reaches his office and Erica looks up from her salad,

surprised he’s back so soon.
 13.

ERICA
(mouth full)
Oh, hello. You’re back early.
JACK
Money doesn’t break for lunch.
It sounds like a criticism. She grabs her notepad and
follows him into his office.

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

A nice office with a view of the financial district.

JACK
Messages?

ERICA
(checks notepad)
Mr. Foley of Putnam and Bingham
called, and a Sigourney Gates of
Hawthorne George Lowe --

JACK
Georgette Hawthorne of Gates
Sigourney Lowe?
ERICA
Yes. Sorry. Georgette Hawthorne of
Gates Sigourney Lowe called to move
tomorrow’s two o’clock to six
o’clock.
JACK
Two o’clock to six o’clock? You’re
sure?
ERICA
(double checks notes)
Yes. Tomorrow. And you have a one
o’clock in about fifteen minutes.
JACK
Briefing memo for the meeting?

ERICA
I put it on your desk.
JACK
Thank you...
 14.

ERICA
Erica.

JACK
Right. Thank you, Erica.
Uncomfortable beat. Erica turns and heads for the door. He
checks her out. Nice ass.

JACK
Oh, Erica.
ERICA
(turning)
Yes, Mr. McCoy?

JACK
Please, call me Jack. Did those
gifts get off all right this
morning?

ERICA
(covering her anxiety)
Yes...they did.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

GPF’s top executives - all white, all men - sit around a

large table. Leah’s boss, SEAN BRONSON is presenting.
BRONSON
...so, by doubling our position on
August contracts, we’ll be poised
to benefit from sharp increases in
demand this fall.
A geezer in his eighties with a shock of white hair speaks
up. This is LEE CARTER SR., Global Pork’s CEO.

LEE SENIOR
You’re sure about these increases?
Last fall we got our nuts handed to
us by oversupply.

Bronson calmly advances a few slides.

BRONSON
My top consultant believes pork
producers can meet the demand for
bacon-oriented specialties in
fast-food. That demand will boost
pork belly sales by fifty percent.
 15.

LEE SENIOR
What do you say, Lee? Is doubling
down the smart move?
Lee Senior looks at LEE CARTER III (LEE THREE). A bored
preppy, mid-twenties, he’d rather be anyplace but here.
LEE THREE
Well, Granddad if the analysis is
solid.

LEE SENIOR
(a disappointed sigh, then)
Jack?
Everyone looks to Jack, the "Man".

JACK
(humored smile)
Well sir, who can say "No" to a
juicy, bacon double cheeseburger?
Lee Senior nods slowly, approvingly. Taking his lead, the
other "Yes men" follow suit.

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - LATER

Jack’s on the phone. Bronson enters, closes the door.

JACK
(into phone)
Listen, Georgie baby, gotta go. See
you tomorrow at six.

He hangs up. Gives Bronson a What the fuck? look.

JACK
The Old Man’s old, not senile. You
keep making shit up he’s gonna
catch on. And Lee’s not as dumb as
he looks.
BRONSON
Look, Lee Senior’s checked out like
Hilton, and Lee Three is that dumb.

JACK
(unconvinced)
So this consultant, mind telling me
who he is?
 16.

BRONSON
Guy named "Cletis Smeltz". He eats,
drinks and breathes hog shit. Or he
would if he actually existed.

JACK
Wait. Our plan to take over this
firm - a plan I’ve been working on
for five years - rests on some hog
whisperer you made up?!

BRONSON
Relax, Jack. I’ve covered all the
angles. Lee Senior believes Smeltz
is some coot I found downstate, the
sort of small town pork pusher he
sets his watch by. He’s our "inside
man" on the August contracts.
JACK
Jesus, I can’t believe the Old Man
bought that load of crap?

BRONSON
Like a five dollar blow job from a
Clark Street hooker.
JACK
So when the firm buys big ahead of
demand, we sell short and clear...
BRONSON
How’s two mill apiece sound?

JACK
Like that lake house in Door County
I’ve had my eye on.

INT. MAILROOM - DAY

The grunts loaf with a favorite pastime.

GRUNT #1
What metal is actually a liquid?
CHRIS
(thinks for a beat, then)
Mercury.
GRUNT #2
How fast is lightning?
 17.

CHRIS
Seriously? That’s what you got?
Ninety thousand miles a second -
about half the speed of light.
GRUNT #3
What’s the square root of fifty?
SAM
Sanchez, you asked that last week.
GRUNT #3
No I didn’t. Last week I asked the
square root of one hundred.

CHRIS
Seven. And in case you forgot, ten
is the square root of one hundred.
GRUNT #4
(sure he has a stumper)
I got one for you genius. Who did
Lou Gehrig replace?
The grunts react to Chris’ apparent vulnerability.
SAM
Hey, Fletch, you know the rules.
Math and science only...
CHRIS
Wally Pipp. He had a headache and
never played for the Yankees again.
Got traded to the Reds.
The grunts react. He’s awesome.
CHRIS
You guys get a week to think these
up and this is the best you can do?
Brock enters. The grunts kill the chatter and get busy.
Brock stops, takes in the "thwack-thwack" of mail hitting
bins. It’s music to his ears. The sweet sound of success.

BROCK
Hear that? There’s a reason this
mailroom has won the Distinguished
Department Award six months
running. It’s because I insist on
efficiency and accuracy. The
relentless pursuit of perfection.
It’s what separates the victors
from the vanquished.
 18.

SAM
(under his breath)
But not the dicks from the
assholes.

Brock’s superhuman ears perk up.

BROCK
What was that, Meeks?
SAM
Just saying the mailroom rocks!
Brock sneers then checks his WATCH, one you’d expect on a
Navy SEAL, not a mailroom supervisor.
BROCK
Thirty seconds to deployment,
gentlemen. Last run of the day.
Let’s make it a good one.

INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Brock looks around, making sure he’s not being followed. He

ducks into the...

INT. MEN’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Two stalls have "out of order" signs on them. Brock goes

into the third stall, opens "Mail Box Babes" magazine to an
article, "I like my mail man to cum on time".
CHRIS AND SAM

sneak into the men’s room. Meanwhile...

BROCK
masturbates over photos of slutty mail box babes...

CHRIS AND SAM

quietly jam Brock’s stall door. They barely contain their
laughter as they sneak out.

BROCK
cums. Red-faced and satisfied, he pulls up his pants and
flushes the toilet. He tries to open the stall. It’s jammed.
 19.

The toilet RUMBLES. All the water has drained out of the
bowl. Brock frowns quizzically, leans forward, peers into
the toilet. What the hell? Another low rumble, then:
WHUMPF! Shit spews from the toilet, drenching Brock!

INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY OUTSIDE MEN’S ROOM - SAME

The grunts laugh their asses off as they make their escape.

INT. ELEVATOR
Chris alone with his mail cart. Two EXECUTIVES we recognize
from the earlier meeting come on. Neither man acknowledges
Chris. Mailroom grunts don’t exist, which is fine with him.

EXECUTIVE #1
Count on a free for all when August
contracts move. After last fall’s
debacle, a lot’s at stake.

EXECUTIVE #2
Tell me about it. I lost twenty
grand of my own money. Bronson’s
guru had better be right.
EXECUTIVE #1
Between you and me, I’m not sold on
this Smeltz guy.
EXECUTIVE #2
That makes two of us. But Bronson’s
turned the Old Man into a believer.

EXECUTIVE #1
I can’t believe we’re betting the
farm on some rube from Pekin.
Ding. The elevator doors open and the executives get off.

OFF Chris reacting to "Pekin"...

EXT. CHICAGO MERCHANTILE EXCHANGE BUILDING - DAY

Chris and Sam say "See ya" to a few grunts as they exit.
SAM
So what you got going tonight, C?
 20.

CHRIS
Probably get a good run in, then
watch TV. Scent of a Woman’s on
tonight.

SAM
You could smell the real thing if
you come to Gibby’s. It’s
half-priced beers night.
CHRIS
What about you and Amy?
SAM
Were you not there when she
crunched my balls in a vice?

CHRIS
She was serious?
SAM
As a heart attack. On the bright
side, when the blue ball treatment
is over, the makeup sex is always
awesome. Speaking of...
Chris follows Sam’s gaze to Hot Blonde, who exits the
building and walks toward them. As she approaches in SLOW-MO
she seems to look straight at Chris...and smile!

Return to NORMAL SPEED as she passes right by him and joins

her girlfriends, two equally hot babes. They walk away,
Chris and Sam staring after them.

SAM
Damn. I’d give my right nut to be
the guy stuffing that bird.
CHRIS
(looks at Sam)
Sammy, if you didn’t have a nut...
Ah, never mind.
Just then, Erica comes out of the building behind them,
relieved to have survived the day.

SAM
So what do you say, C, babes and
brews at Gibby’s?
 21.

CHRIS
Pass. But we can hit the clubs
tomorrow after work. That is, if
your hand isn’t too cramped up.

Sam gives him a good-natured punch in the shoulder, then

flexes his fingers. Sam walks past Erica and Chris goes the
opposite direction. Erica is about to call out to Chris but
he’s too far away. She turns and walks off into the crowd.

EXT. LAKEFRONT - SUNSET

Chris jogs along the lakefront. Everyone’s enjoying life -

skateboarding, bike riding, etc. He passes a couple of HOT
CHICKS flirting with a LIVING STATUE GUY made up like
Michaelangelo’s David. Living Statue Guy glances up and
winks at Chris. Cha-ching!

INT. VESTIBULE - LATER

We hear a loud SNORE. Chris enters after his run and comes
across a BUM stretched out on the floor.
CHRIS
Deli! Hey, Deli!
DELI the bum wakes with a start. Despite the layer of filth,
we recognize him as the doorman from Chris’ dream.
DELI
(drunk)
Hey, Chris! What up, dog!

CHRIS
Deli, man, you can’t crash in the
hall like this. Miss Wu will have
your ass arrested again.
DELI
I know, I know. But it’s raining
like a son of bitch out there, dog.
CHRIS
Deli, it’s eighty degrees outside.

DELI
I know, man. I ain’t seen this kind
of weather since Tet in ’Nam.
 22.

CHRIS
(unbelievable!)
Deli, you were like a year old when
the Vietnam War ended!

DELI
(truly amazed)
No shit?? Damn, I shoulda won the
Medal of Honor for that shit, dog.
Chris sighs, frustrated. But he helps Deli to his feet and
takes him up the stairs with him.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - NIGHT

Chris sits at the kitchen counter, watching "Scent of a
Woman" while eating Chinese takeout. We hear a loud SNORE.
PAN to Deli, sprawled on the floor sawing logs.

INT. MAILROOM - EARLY MORNING

Chris swipes his ID BADGE in the TIME CLOCK and punches in a

code. We see the time, 7:45. The door of the mailroom
unlocks, but before he goes inside he repeats the check-in
with a second, FAKE I.D.
He then goes to a locker, puts on his mail clerk vest and
joins Sanchez and Boggs, who are already sorting mail.
TIME CUT TO:
TIME CLOCK - 07:59

Just as it turns to 08:00 Sam hustles up to swipe his badge.

The display reads, "Already Logged In". Sam looks at Chris,
who winks at him. Sam smiles.
TIME CUT TO:

The grunts prepare for the first run of the day. Brock
stands at the door, a shit-eating grin on his face.
BROCK
Good morning gentlemen!
(dismissively to a girl grunt)
...And ladies.
Brock strolls in, happy with the world.
 23.

GRUNT #1
You’re in a good mood, Brock.
BROCK
That I am, Boggs, that I am.

SAM
What happened, hook up with one of
those mail box babes last night?
The grunts stifle laughs.

BROCK
No Meeks, I didn’t get screwed last
night. But somebody did screw up.
Which means somebody’s going to get
his ass pounded today.

He stops right behind Chris, flashes a malevolent grin.

CHRIS
What? I clocked in at seven
forty-five. Check the time clock.
BROCK
Jenkins in Securities called this
morning. Seems his 8-K’s missed the
morning drop yesterday.
(gets in Chris’ face)
Seems somebody was hitting on a new
girl on fifteen instead of taking
care of business.
CHRIS
I wasn’t hitting on anybody, Brock.
Mr. McCoy’s secretary needed help
with her Fed-Ex forms and I --
BROCK
(raises hand to stop him)
Not our problem, Matheson. Or
should I say not yours. Anymore.
CHRIS
What do you mean?

BROCK
That’s strike three, Matheson.
CHRIS
What?! Are you kidding me?! You
can’t fire me because a drop was
five minutes late.
 24.

BROCK
No?

He snaps his fingers and two burly RENT-A-COPS enter.

BROCK
(holds out his hand)
Badge!

Beat. Chris looks at the grunts, who are as blown away as he

is. Brock snatches the badge from Chris’ lanyard and steps
aside so the guards can escort him away. When a
shell-shocked Chris reaches the door:
BROCK
Matheson.
(Chris turns)
Aren’t you forgetting something?
(off Chris’ puzzlement)
Vest!

Chris takes off his vest and, finding a shred of dignity,

balls it up and flings it at Brock before he exits.
BROCK
(to grunts)
He was a disgrace to the uniform.

The grunts expressions say it all. What a douche!

INT. LOBBY - MINUTES LATER

Chris in front of the revolving doors, the security guards

right behind him.
CHRIS
(trying to be cool)
Thanks for the ride, guys. I think
I can make it from here.
The guards watch stone-faced until Chris exits.

EXT. CHICAGO MERCHANTILE EXCHANGE BUILDING - CONTINUOUS

Chris comes outside, still shell-shocked. People walk past

him into the building, arriving for work.
ERICA (O.S.)
Hi!

Chris finds himself looking at Erica’s smiling face.

 25.

ERICA
Chris, right?
CHRIS
Hi...

ERICA
Erica.
CHRIS
Hi, Erica.

ERICA
Aren’t you going the wrong way?
CHRIS
(covering)
Yeah, I guess.
ERICA
Thanks again for helping me. I was
so nervous about those gifts that I
could barely sleep last night. So I
went online before I left home this
morning. They all made it!
CHRIS
Great... That’s great, Erica.

Beat.
ERICA
Well, don’t want to be late my
second day.
(hopeful)
See you later?
CHRIS
Yeah. See ya...

She smiles sweetly again, then goes into the building.

BEGIN MONTAGE - CHRIS UNEMPLOYED

* Chris at his kitchen counter searching Monster.com for

jobs. Everything seems to require a degree;

* Jogging on the lakefront, he approaches a SEXY MILF

skating with her ROTTWEILER. She flashes an inviting smile,
Chris smiles back. The dog attacks him, dragging the Milf
along;
 26.

* Chris at the laundromat next to a CUTE GIRL. She smiles

bashfully when he glimpses sexy underwear going into her
washing machine;

* Chris jogs past Living Statue Guy again, only now he’s
being pawed by two OLD CHICKS. Worse, their lap dogs
furiously hump his legs;

* An unsympathetic grocery store CLERK cuts up Chris’ debit

card when it’s rejected;

* Chris and Cute Girl are hitting it off at the laundromat

when one of his socks falls to the floor. She reacts -
Eewww! - to the CAKED ON EJACULATE;

* Chris and Deli split a sub sandwich on a park bench when

BIRD SHIT plops onto Chris’ half. Deli calmly switches
halves with him, wipes off the poop and chows down;
OFF Chris we...
END MONTAGE

EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD, STANDS - LATE AFTERNOON

Chris and Sam watch the Cubs and Mets from great seats.
SAM
(re: a peanut in his hand)
How can somebody "invent" the
peanut? That’s like saying I
invented air or I invented pussy.
CHRIS
If you invented air or pussy we’d
all be screwed.
SAM
Hey, if I invented pussy at least
I’d make sure you got some!

CHRIS
Thanks, man.
They clink beer bottles and drink.

SAM
You’re not missing anything at the
J.O.B., C. Brock gloated for a few
days, though. What a dick.
 27.

CHRIS
I figured he would. To tell you the
truth, I kinda like having the
summer off. I haven’t been to a
game in years. How’d you score
these seats anyway?
SAM
I know a guy who knows a guy.
’Nuf said.

CHRIS
Since I got canned I’ve been
thinking a lot about what Amy said.
You know, about my expectations. I
mean, who needs some eight-to-five,
soul sucking, spirit crushing, mind
numbing, ass kissing job anyway?
SAM
Uh... Me? You know acting pays
shit.

CHRIS
Sorry.
SAM
It’s cool, man. I know what you
mean. Hey, the way things are going
you mighta got out in the nick of
time.
CHRIS
What do you mean?
SAM
There could be serious job cuts at
GPF if things don’t turn around.

CHRIS
Seriously? How do you know?
SAM
I copped a peek at a memo from the
board to Mr. Carter. If they don’t
turn a profit on August pork
bellies, heads will roll, starting
with Mr. C’s.
CHRIS
No shit? But it’s his company?
 28.

SAM
Hey, I know what I read. The memo
also said something about a report
by some consultant being important
to Mr. C’s decision.

Chris thinks for a beat, remembering.

CHRIS
Was the consultant’s name Smalls or
Smoltz? Something like that?

SAM
Yeah. Something like that. Cletis
was his first name. How’d you like
to be named Cletis? "Hi, I’m
Cletis. This is my sister,
Clitoris?"
Sam guffaws. An USHER appears with two ANGRY FANS behind
her.
USHER
(to Chris and Sam)
May I see your tickets, please?
Busted, Chris and Sam quickly get up and beat it.

EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD, ADDISON & CLARK - LATER

Chris and Sam exit the Friendly Confines.
CHRIS
Wanna hit the Cubbie Bear?

SAM
Sorry, C, I’m hitting Amy tonight.
CHRIS
Has it been two weeks already?

SAM
(flexes his hand)
Yeah, and I’ve got the power grip
to prove it.

CHRIS
Well, go forth and defile, my man.
SAM
I’ll shoot a wad for you.
 29.

CHRIS
Well, if Ames can’t get the real
thing...

SAM
You’re a dick, you know that?
After a laugh between them, Sam turns serious.

SAM
You really doin’ all right, C?
CHRIS
Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for coming.

Sam walks away. Chris calls after him.

CHRIS
And thanks for the tickets! Douche!
Sam laughs as he continues down Addison Avenue.

INT. STAIRWELL - SUNSET

Chris walks up the stairs. Freezes when he hears POUNDING on
a door above. He turns to sneak down but trips and falls.

MISS WU, a fiesty, petite Asian woman of about forty in a

colorful muumuu, stops pounding the door and looks over the
railing. Her English is heavily accented.
MISS WU
(shouting)
I know that you, Chris! You late
rent! You pay or you out!
Chris darts out of the building.

INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Chris sits lonely in a booth sipping soup. A CHINESE
WAITRESS puts his check down on the table along with a
FORTUNE COOKIE. He cracks open the cookie, reads the
FORTUNE. We don’t see it.
CHRIS
(re: fortune)
Yeah. Right.

He folds the fortune, puts it on the table. He fishes a few

bills out of his wallet, leaves them on the table on top of
the fortune. He gets up and walks away. Stops.
 30.

Beat. He comes back to the table, looks down at the money.

He nudges the bills aside, takes the fortune, puts it in his
pocket and exits the restaurant.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - NIGHT

Chris stares at his computer screen. REVERSE and we see he’s
looking at his resume: three years at Loyola, a few dead end
jobs before landing in the GPF mailroom. He closes the
laptop. We read his disappointment.

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

A more confident Erica goes over Jack’s schedule with him.

When she’s done, she closes her notebook and stands.
JACK
E, it’s been about two weeks for
you hasn’t it?

ERICA
Yes. Two weeks yesterday.
JACK
And how are you doing?

ERICA
(that smile)
I don’t know, Jack. You tell me.
JACK
(charming)
Why don’t we talk about it over
lunch?
ERICA
Lunch? But you and Mr. Bronson -

JACK
I can see Sean anytime.
ERICA
Oh... Okay. Lunch sounds nice.
JACK
Make a reservation at the Palm.
(off her surprise)
It’s been a good two weeks.

He ogles her as she walks away but his expression quickly

changes when she turn around at the door.
 31.

ERICA
Oh, I’m sorry, I almost forgot. Do
you mind if I leave a little early
today? I have a family commitment.

JACK
I don’t see why not.
ERICA
Thanks, Jack.

INT. LEE SENIOR’S OFFICE - DAY

The place could be a life-sized Pigs "R" Us, practically
overflowing with pig and hog paraphernalia. Lee Senior sits
behind his huge desk, playing Sim Farm on his computer.

Jack enters, frowns, but quickly covers his disgust at

seeing Lee Senior playing a computer game.
JACK
You wanted to see me, sir?

LEE SENIOR
’Morning, Jack. I did. Let’s take a
walk, son.

INT. FLOOR OF THE MERC - DAY

Lee Senior and Jack walk near the Pits. Lee Senior seems
happier than a pig in slop amidst the chaos.
LEE SENIOR
I started out in the Pits when I
was nineteen, long before all this
electronic stuff took over.
JACK
Yes, sir. I know. Those must’ve
been great times.
LEE SENIOR
Back then a man made his mark by
his wits... Made my first million
before Lee Junior was born.

JACK
(a respectful beat)
Yes sir. I know.
 32.

LEE SENIOR
You know, you remind me an awful
lot of him. He knew where the pork
belly business was headed and made
sure we got there ahead of the
rest.
JACK
Lee Junior was my idol, sir.

LEE SENIOR
Yes... I want to talk to you about
Lee Three.
JACK
Yes sir, what about him?
LEE SENIOR
I’ve given this a lot of thought.
Lee doesn’t have the fire in his
belly. Not like his father did...or
you do.
JACK
Sir, he’s still young.
LEE SENIOR
But plenty old enough to have
gotten his hands dirty and his feet
wet. Jack, he hasn’t spent a day in
the Pit. How’s a man suppose to
succeed in this business unless
he’s been down there, going
toe-to-toe with men fighting to
make a profit?
(beat, lamenting)
It’s all my fault. After Lee Junior
died I just couldn’t --

JACK
(gently interrupting)
Sir, you’ve been an inspiration to
all of us. Just give Lee Three
time. I’m sure he’ll come around.

Lee Senior stops, turns to Jack thoughtfully.

LEE SENIOR
Time is one thing I don’t have
enough of any more.
(off Jack’s reaction)
The board’s insisted that I step
down. I’m gonna retire in December,
Jack.
 33.

JACK
But sir, the firm? Who’ll take
over?
LEE SENIOR
I’m gonna need your help there,
son. I want you to take Lee Three
under your wing. Teach him the
ropes and groom him to take over
one day.

JACK
Yes, sir. Of course I will.

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR - DAY

A tight-faced Jack steps off the elevator and walks toward
his office. Leah sticks out her chest and smiles.
LEAH
Hello, Mr. McCoy!

He walks past her without noticing. He does notice Erica’s

nice legs and bottom, bent over a file drawer. She turns
around when she hears Leah’s "Hello".
ERICA
(clocking his mood)
Is everything all right?
JACK
Everything’s fine. Ready for lunch?

EXT. PUBLIC PARKING - DAY

A red CORVETTE convertible pulls out. The VALET jumps out
and opens the passenger door for Erica. She slides in. The
valet gives the keys to Jack. It’s now that we notice he’s
the Car Parking Dude from Chris’ dream.

VALET
Here you go, Mr. McCoy. Just washed
her for you too.
JACK
(gives him a $5)
Thanks, Pedro.
 34.

INT. PALM RESTAURANT - DAY

Jack and Erica at a table in the elegant dining room.

JACK
So tell me more about Erica House.
ERICA
What else would you like to know?

JACK
Okay... What brought you to GPF?
ERICA
The temp agency had immediate
openings at a company in Hoffman
Estates and GPF. I chose GPF
because it’s in the city.
JACK
You live in the city?

ERICA
Yes. South Side.
JACK
Sox fan, huh?

ERICA
Not really. I was never into
sports.

JACK
No? I can picture you in one of
those little cheerleader outfits.
ERICA
That would be my sister, Yvonne. Of
all my sisters she’s the athlete.
JACK
There are more like you at home?
That’s my kind of neighborhood.

She smiles, not immune to his charm.

JACK
So if you’re not into sports, what
are you in to, Erica House?

ERICA
Well, I enjoy music. All kinds. And
dancing, I love to dance. I’m told
that I’m a pretty good cook.
 35.

JACK
By your boyfriend...husband?
ERICA
Sisters. And my mom.

JACK
(charming smile)
I see. Well, it’s nice to be
appreciated.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - NIGHT

Chris, who’s apparently given up shaving and showering, is
doing a Google search. He tries all sorts of combinations
for "Smeltz" but comes up empty.

Later, he stands staring out the window. He looks down at

the phone in his hand. After a long beat, he dials. Puts the
phone to his ear.

INT. GARNER KITCHEN - NIGHT

SLOANE GARNER, forties, attractive but weary from a life of
hard work, enters and answers the ringing wall phone.
SLOANE
Hello?
CHRIS (V.O.)
(hesitant)
Aunt Sloane.

SLOANE
(brightens)
Chris? Chris, honey, is that you?
INTERCUT BETWEEN SLOANE AND CHRIS

CHRIS
It’s me. Hi.
SLOANE
My God, Chris! How long has it
been?? Three years??

CHRIS
Yeah, about that.
 36.

SLOANE
Honey, how are you? Is everything
all right?
CHRIS
Everything’s fine.
SLOANE
I was just thinking about you. I
was volunteering at the school the
other day. It seems like yesterday
when you won that blue ribbon...
(bittersweet)
Your mom and dad were so proud.
CHRIS
(beat, bittersweet)
Yeah.
LLOYD GARNER, gruff workingman in worn overalls, late
forties, enters.
LLOYD
Who is it?
SLOANE
(covers the phone)
It’s Chris!

Lloyd takes a beat to register this, then grunts:

LLOYD
Why’s the Wonderboy callin’ us?

SLOANE
(into phone)
Your uncle just came in from the
farm. Do you want to talk to him?
Lloyd waves No! Chris steels himself. This is it.

CHRIS
...Yeah, actually, I do.
Lloyd tries to avoid the phone but Sloane shoves it in his
hand, then she stands with her ear next to the phone to
hear.
LLOYD
Hello. This is Lloyd Garner.
 37.

CHRIS
I know it’s you, Uncle Lloyd.

LLOYD
(reacts, annoyed)
So, Mr. Big City Stock Broker, to
what do we owe the honor?
Sloane punches him.

CHRIS
(beat, swallows his pride)
Listen, Uncle Lloyd, I’m calling
because I need some information -

LLOYD
Let me get this straight: the boy
genius who couldn’t wait to blow
this one horse town thinks a hick
from the sticks knows something he
doesn’t? Now that’s rich.

Sloan punches him again. Harder. Ow!

CHRIS
(this is fucking hard)
Look, never mind. If you don’t want
to help I understand.
Sloan glares at Lloyd.
LLOYD
(beat, grudgingly)
What is it you need to know?
CHRIS
Well...you know everybody and
everything worth knowing in Pekin,
right?
LLOYD
Some folks think so.
CHRIS
What can you tell me about a man
named Smeltz?
LLOYD
Smeltz?

CHRIS
Yeah, Cletis Smeltz. Does
consulting work for the pork
commodities firms.
 38.

LLOYD
(thinks)
Never heard of him.
OFF Chris, his wheels turning...

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Jack’s at his desk. Erica enters, notepad ready.

JACK
I need you to go to the bookstore
and pick up everything you can on
hog and pig farming, pork
production, things like that.

ERICA
Okay. Can I ask why?
JACK
It’s for Lee Three. Help him get
smart before our trip down to
Galesburg.
ERICA
Oh, I see.
She heads for the door. Before she exits:

JACK
E, you know, I’ve got season
tickets to Ravinia. Maybe you’d
like to join me one of these
evenings?

She turns, taken off guard by his advance.

ERICA
Oh...I assumed you were married.

JACK
Divorced. Two years... You don’t
have to answer now. Give it some
thought. Invitation’s always open.

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, RECEPTION - DAY

Erica is on her way to the elevator. Leah and the
RECEPTIONIST stop talking as she passes. After Erica is on
and the doors close:
 39.

RECEPTIONIST
Are you sure? She doesn’t seem like
his type, if you know what I mean.

LEAH
Don’t let that little miss innocent
act fool you. She’s been shaking
that ass of hers in his face since
Day One.

RECEPTIONIST
Hmmm. Guess Miss Thing didn’t waste
any time, did she?

INT. BARNES & NOBLE - DAY

PHOTO OF HOGS FUCKING.
REVEAL the photo is in a book that Chris, still in need of a
shave and a haircut, is studying. Sensing eyes on him, he
looks up at a 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL staring. He’s at a table with
books and magazines about animal husbandry strewn about.
The girl’s MOTHER comes over, sees what’s on the table,
shudders in disgust and whisks the girl away. Chris realizes
he must look like the worst kind of perv. He starts clearing
away the material. Stops when he sees Erica talking to a
Bookstore Employee, who points in Chris’ direction.
When Erica looks, Chris is gone. She goes over and notices
the graphic material left by Chris. She frowns. Disgusting.

MOMENTS LATER
Chris spies on Erica from behind a bookshelf as she browses
for books on livestock, pig farming, etc.
MOTHER (O.S.)
There he is!
Chris turns to see the 12-year-old’s mother coming toward
him, a store MANAGER in tow.

MOTHER
You should be ashamed of yourself!
Erica becomes aware of the ruckus.
MANAGER
Excuse me, sir. But this customer
believes you were disturbing her
daughter.
 40.

CHRIS
Miss, I’m sorry your daughter saw
that, but it’s not like I showed
them to her. I was just sitting
there reading.

MANAGER
Still, I’m afraid I’m going to ask
you to make a purchase or leave.
Chris looks around at people reading books, drinking coffee.

CHRIS
Are you serious?
The Manager and the Mother just look at him.

EXT. BARNES & NOBLE - CONTINUOUS

Chris exits and starts down the street. Erica comes out.
ERICA
Chris! I thought that was you.
He’s embarrassed about the hog sex books, about the way he
looks, about being fired.
CHRIS
Erica. Hi. You probably saw what
happened in there, huh?
ERICA
Yeah. So what was that all about?

CHRIS
I’m not some perv if that’s what
you’re thinking.
Her laugh is sweet, natural.

ERICA
I would never think that about you.
CHRIS
Thanks... I was just doing some
research.
ERICA
Oh. So, where have you been hiding?
I was hoping to see you around the
office. You know, Mr. McCoy hired
me full time.
 41.

CHRIS
Um, well...I --
(then)
Hoping to see me?

ERICA
Yeah. You’re like one of the few
nice people I’ve met since I
started. You and Mr. McCoy.
CHRIS
Really?
ERICA
Yeah.
(re: his scruffy appearance)
So you’re on vacation?

CHRIS
Um...well, actually, I --
Her cell phone rings. She takes it from her purse.

ERICA
Yes?
(then worried)
No, I can’t... Because I’m doing an
errand for my boss... No... No...
Look, I can’t get into it with you
now. Will you just handle it for
me?... Okay. Thank you. Bye.
CHRIS
Boyfriend?

ERICA
Sister.
(beat)
I don’t have a boyfriend.

CHRIS
Oh. No?
A beat as something passes between them.
ERICA
Well, I should get back. I’ve got
to buy a few books. It was nice
seeing you, Chris. Stop by when
you’re back in the office. Maybe we
can have lunch or something.
 42.

CHRIS
Yeah...okay. Sure.

INT. GOLD COAST DOGS - MOMENTS LATER

Sam and Amy are at the usual table. She’s doing homework
while he eats. His phone rings.
SAM
Holla.

INTERCUT BETWEEN SAM AND CHRIS

CHRIS
Sam. Chris.

SAM
C! What’s up?
CHRIS
You know the girl on fifteen I told
you about?

SAM
Girl on fifteen?
CHRIS
You know, Fed Ex Girl?

SAM
Oh, yeah. You mean the stupid chick
who got you fired?
CHRIS
Yes - No! - I mean, she’s not
stupid. Listen, I just ran into her
at the Barnes and Noble around the
corner from the Merc.
SAM
You got a job interview at the
bookstore? Cool! You can get
discounts on DVDs, man!
CHRIS
No! Sam, listen, if you run into
Erica --
SAM
Who’s Erica?
 43.

CHRIS
"Fed-Ex Girl"! If you run into her
and she asks where I am, tell her
I’m still on vacation or something.

SAM
Come again?
CHRIS
She thinks I still work in the
mailroom at GPF.

SAM
What? Why?... Wait, the C-man’s got
a taste for wings and thighs now?
Nice! You know, once you go
black...

Amy looks up from her book and smirks at him.

CHRIS
What?? Look, if you run into her
and she asks about me, just go
along like I still work there.
Okay?
SAM
Yeah, you know I’ve got your back.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - DAY/NIGHT

Chris stares at himself in the bathroom mirror - scruffy
beard, longish hair. He turns on the shower and we go to:

SERIES OF SHOTS - CHRIS

* showers and shaves;

* does Internet research on pork belly futures;

* eats a dinner of Raman noodles while he studies;

* writes a report on his computer;
* reads the FORTUNE he got from the Chinese restaurant.
RETURN TO SCENE
Chris sits at the kitchen counter with the report. The cover
page reads, "Market Analysis of August Pork Bellies, by
Cletis Smeltz." He puts the report on the counter next to
his cell phone.
 44.

He picks up the fortune and reads it again. We still don’t

see what it says. Chris sets the fortune aside. After a long
beat he dials the phone. It rings a few times, then:
LLOYD (V.O.)
Hello, this is Lloyd Garner.

EXT. PARK - DAY

Chris and Deli on a bench sharing a breakfast croissant.

DELI
Sounds like a kick ass plan, dog.
Just one thing. Can’t you go to
jail for impersonating this Smeltz
dude?

CHRIS
I’m not impersonating anybody. All
I’m doing is submitting a report
that I wrote and collecting the
fee. If anybody should be worried,
it’s the guy who made Cletis Smeltz
up.
DELI
Why would somebody do that anyway?
Don’t make a whole lot of sense.

CHRIS
People lost a shitload of money
when pork belly prices tanked last
summer. Now they want to get it
back on the big August contracts.
So some GPF guy invents a hog guru
to guide the market one way while
he sells short.
Deli takes a bite of sandwich. Thinks.

DELI
See, that’s exactly why I became a
Muslim. Pork is a dirty meat.
CHRIS
You realize that’s a ham and cheese
croissant, right?
DELI
Yeah... I used to like the bacon
and cheese, but this here’s a lot
better.
 45.

INT. TOWN CAR - MOVING - DAWN

Lee Three is asleeps in the back seat. Books on hog farming
are strewn all around. Jack looks over at him and smirks.

EXT. HOWELL HOG FARM - EARLY MORNING

Establishing a large hog farm and pork processing facility.
The town car pulls up to the main building. Jack and a
sleepy Lee Three climb out of the back seat. A heavyset,
ruddy-jowled man in his fifties waits for them. This is BUD.
BUD
Good morning, gentlemen. Welcome to
Howell Farm.

JACK
’Morning, Bud. We’re happy to be
here, aren’t we Lee?
Lee Three clearly isn’t.

INT. TRUCK - MOVING - MOMENTS LATER

Lee, in overalls and hardhat, looks very uncomfortable
squeezed between Jack and Bud, whose driving.

BUD
We’ve got quite a day planned for
you gentlemen. Gonna get you real
close to the business.

JACK
That sounds great, Bud. Just what
we’re looking for. Right, Lee?
Lee Three clearly isn’t.

INT. HOG HOUSE - MORNING

Over 1,000 grunting, snorting hogs jammed together. From the
look on Lee Three’s face, it smells worse than it looks.

BUD
We’re a fully integrated operation,
meaning we birth ’em, raise ’em and
process ’em, all on site here.
 46.

LEE THREE
Processes them?

Jack looks at him and smiles.

QUICK CUTS of the slaughtering process in all of its gory
detail: a HOG walks into a pen, is STUNNED with electrodes,
SLICED OPEN and hung upside down to bleed, conveyored into a
SCALDER; SCORCHED, BEHEADED, EVISCERATED...

And through it all Lee Three watches, his nausea growing.

BUD (O.S.)
We process about six hundred pigs
and hogs a day. I’m proud to say,
we’ve increased production twenty
percent in the last year...
Lee can’t take it. He spews. Jack smiles to himself.

INT. MAILROOM - MORNING

Chris swipes the FAKE I.D. badge he used to clock Sam in
with, enters the empty mailroom. He grabs a vest and a mail
cart, throws in a few letters to complete the cover. Last he
puts in a large BLUE ENVELOPE addressed to "Lee Carter Sr."

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR - MORNING

Elevator doors open and Chris steps off, pushing his mail
cart. He moves through the office suite like normal - which
means he goes unnoticed. He stops at the desk of a pleasant,
white-haired secretary in her sixties, MRS. WHIPPLE.
CHRIS
Good morning, Mrs. Whipple. How are
you today?

MRS. WHIPPLE
Good morning, Christopher. You’re
early today, aren’t you?
CHRIS
Yes ma’am. I’ve got a Blue Envelope
for Mr. Carter Senior.
He hands her the envelope. She regards it.
MRS. WHIPPLE
Hmmm. Don’t these reports usually
go to Mr. Bronson first?
 47.

CHRIS
Ma’am?
MRS. WHIPPLE
Mr. Carter only reads these if Mr.
Bronson recommends them. Mr.
Carter’s a very busy man, you know.
CHRIS
Yes, ma’am. I know. But Mr. Brock
gets very upset if we don’t deliver
Blue Envelopes on time.
(leans in, whispers)
A guy got fired a couple of weeks
ago.

She looks at him, such a sweet young man.

MRS. WHIPPLE
Oh, all right.

INT. ERICA’S DESK - MOMENTS LATER

Erica looks up and is pleasantly surprised to see Chris

standing there.
ERICA
You’re back! Hi!

CHRIS
Hi. Yeah, I’m back.
ERICA
How was your vacation?

CHRIS
Not bad... So, last time we talked
you said something about lunch?

INT. HOWELL HOME, DINING ROOM - DAY

SAUSAGES, PORK CHOPS, RIBS piled high on a platter.
REVEAL Lee Three at a dining table looking at the platter.
He’s blue in the face. BETTY, as stout as her husband Bud,
sets the platter on the table.
BETTY
You must be famished. I told Bud
not to over do it but he can’t help
himself. He loves the farm.
 48.

JACK
It’s a very impressive operation,
Betty. And you’re right, we’ve
worked up quite an appetite. Right,
Lee?

Lee Three clearly hasn’t.

Betty shovels greasy pork and mashed potatoes onto Lee
Three’s plate. Jack slaps him hard on the shoulder.

JACK
Now this looks like real good
eatin’, right Lee?
Lee Three spews again.

EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE - DAY

Chris and Erica talk over lunch.
ERICA
Now that I’m eligible for tuition
reimbursement I can go back to
Northwestern and finish my degree
next year.
CHRIS
Economics. Wow. I always say
there’s nothing hotter than a
brainy girl.
ERICA
(a skeptical look)
Really?
CHRIS
Yep. In fact, after "Owie" and
"Boo-boo" my first words were
"Brainy girls, hot." Or something
to that effect.
She laughs the way girls do when they like a guy whose jokes
aren’t funny. When she stops, they look at each other. Beat.

CHRIS
So have you been to the Taste yet?
ERICA
No. What about you?
 49.

CHRIS
Not yet.
ERICA
The crowds are always a hassle...

CHRIS
Oh...yeah. I know.
ERICA
But I love the music.

CHRIS
Yeah, me too.
Beat. She waits for it.

CHRIS
So, you want to go to the Taste
this weekend? With me?
She gives him the sweet smile.

EXT. PIG TRUCK - MOVING - DAY

A shipment of pigs rumbles up a service road onto Howell
Farm. Ahead through the windshield we see Jack, Bud and Lee
Three on the edge of a waste retention pond.

EXT. WASTE RETENTION POND - SAME

Jack, Bud and Lee Three stare at a pond full of steaming hog
shit. Lee Three looks like shit.

EXT. PIG TRUCK - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

The TRUCK DRIVER doesn’t see a RACCOON scurry across the
road until it’s too late. He slams the brakes, the truck
swerves and flips onto its side. PIGS squeal out onto the
road. It’s a jailbreak!

EXT. WASTE RETENTION POND - CONTINUOUS

Jack, Bud and Lee Three look up at the oncoming swine

stampede. Jack and Bud dive out of the way in time, but poor
Lee Three is knocked head first into the retention pond.
Jack and Bud get to their feet and look down at him. It
takes everything Jack has not to laugh his ass off.
 50.

INT. CHICAGO MERCHANTILE EXCHANGE BUILDING, LOBBY - DAY

Chris and Erica stop in front of the elevators. She
scribbles on a piece of paper and gives it to him.
ERICA
Here’s my number. In case something
comes up and you can’t make it.

CHRIS
Oh, nothing’s coming up. Five
o’clock Saturday, Buckingham
Fountain. I’ll be there.
ERICA
(a comely smile)
Me too.
Ding. Elevator doors open and Erica walks on with a group of
people. The doors are closing when:

BROCK (O.S.)
Hold that elevator!
Chris stiffens at the sound of his nemesis’ voice. Brock
brushes past without noticing Chris. When Brock turns
around, Chris is gone. As the doors close, Brock makes a
face as though he just missed something.

INT. STAIRWELL - DAY

Chris is still in a good mood from lunch with Erica. He
opens his apartment door. Before he can go inside Miss Wu
appears out of nowhere like a small, fierce Ninja.
MISS WU
Where rent?!

CHRIS
(startled)
Miss Wu! Hey!
MISS WU
No "Hey"! Where rent?!

CHRIS
I’m sorry it’s late, Miss Wu. But
you know I’m good for it.
MISS WU
I know you lose job! So how you
good for rent?!
 51.

CHRIS
C’mon, Miss Wu. How long have I
lived here?
MISS WU
You live here two year! In two
year, every month rent late!
CHRIS
But I always get it to you.

MISS WU
You always have job before! Now you
no job!
CHRIS
I’m working on that. I just need a
little more time.
She shakes her finger in his face.
MISS WU
You no got job, you bum! No bum in
building! No bum! You hear?!

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - LATER

Chris opens his refrigerator, stares at a carton of orange
juice and a brown banana. He tips up the carton for a drink.
Empty.
CHRIS
(to himself)
I am so screwed.

INT. LEE SENIOR’S OFFICE - SUNSET

CLOSE ON WIGGLING TOES IN ARGYLE SOCKS

REVEAL socks and toes belong to Lee Senior, whose feet are
propped on his desk. He’s engrossed in the SMELTZ REPORT.
Mrs. Whipple enters with a dinner tray.
MRS. WHIPPLE
Mr. Carter, how many times have I
told you about that?
He removes his feet from the desk. She sets the tray in
front of him (a BLT sandwich and fries) then crosses to a
closet. She returns with a pair of PIG SLIPPERS and puts
them on the floor next to his chair. He slips them on.
 52.

Mrs. Whipple pops open his can of Dr. Pepper, pours it in a

glass over ice. Then she tucks a cloth napkin into his shirt
collar. All the while, he continues reading.
She goes to the door, turns and regards him. Smiles.

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR - MORNING

Lee Senior approaches Bronson’s office. Leah stands to greet
him with a smile and a hefty helping of cleavage.

LEAH
Good morning, Mr. Carter.
LEE SENIOR
Hello. Is he in?

LEAH
I’m sorry, sir, Mr. Bronson is on
vacation. But he’ll be back in the
office on Monday. Is there anything
I can help you with?

He steals a glance at her chest.

LEE SENIOR
No, I don’t think so.

Leah’s face falls as Lee Senior wanders to Erica’s desk.

Erica stands to greet him.
ERICA
Good morning, Mr. Carter.

LEE SENIOR
Good morning. You must be the new
girl that Jack’s so impressed with.
ERICA
I’m Erica House. I started about
two weeks ago.
LEE SENIOR
And has it been a good two weeks?

ERICA
Yes sir. I’ve enjoyed working here
very much.
In b.g. a sickened Leah rolls her eyes.
 53.

ERICA
Mr. McCoy is in, if you’d like to
see him.
LEE SENIOR
(smiles)
Pretty and perceptive.
Erica goes to Jack’s office and sticks her head in.
ERICA
Mr. Carter is here to see you.

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Lee Senior enters. Erica closes the door as she exits.

LEE SENIOR
Lovely young woman. You know, I
hired Mrs. Whipple twenty-five
years ago. Best hire I ever made.

JACK
Yes sir. Erica has done very well
since joining us.
Lee Senior sits and so does Jack.

LEE SENIOR
Howell Farm.
JACK
Yes. I’m sorry things didn’t go
exactly as planned, sir.

LEE SENIOR
(dismissive wave)
Oh, hell. Maybe it’ll make Lee
appreciate what he has. Much better
to make a living tradin’ pork
bellies than wallowin’ in them, eh?
JACK
Yes, sir.

LEE SENIOR
I wanted to talk to you about this
report.
Lee Senior tosses the report across the desk.
 54.

JACK
What’s it about?
LEE SENIOR
It’s the August pork bellies
analysis from our consultant,
Cletis Smeltz.
JACK
(covers his shock)
What? Is that right?

LEE SENIOR
I haven’t actually read one of
those reports in years. But I have
to admit, I found this one
fascinating.

Jack’s mind is racing as he flips through pages.

JACK
But I thought this wasn’t due until
next week. Has Bronson seen it?

LEE SENIOR
Blue Envelope, direct to me.
(off Jack’s look)
I thought it was odd too. But I’m
glad it came. This Smeltz fella
seems to know hogs. I like that in
a man.
JACK
Well, I’ll make reading it a
priority. I’m sure we can all learn
something from him.
LEE SENIOR
That’s just what I said to myself.
Which is why I want to meet him.

JACK
(What!)
Sir?!
LEE SENIOR
I don’t have to tell you a lot’s
riding on the August contracts. I
may be retiring, but I want to
leave Lee Three with something
worthwhile. If we’re betting heavy
on this fella’s advice, I want to
look him in the eye and ask a few
(MORE)
 55.

LEE SENIOR (CONT’D)

questions before I lay the firm’s
future on the line.
JACK
Yes, sir. Of course. But didn’t
Bronson say this Smeltz character
is a bit of an eccentric?
LEE SENIOR
Yeah, yeah. Sean told me all about
him hating the city, blah, blah,
blah. Listen, I didn’t build this
firm by accepting "No" every time I
heard it... Have that pretty little
girl of yours get him on the phone.
I’ll talk ole Cletis Smeltz in
here.

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - LATER

Jack reads the Smeltz report, his face covered in dread.

JACK
(to himself)
Jesus... Who are you?

EXT. LAKEFRONT - DAY

Chris looks at Chicago’s forest of skyscrapers in the
distance. Being unemployed in the City that Works really
blows. Being alone makes it worse. He takes out his phone,
looks at a scrap of paper and dials.

Behind him, we see the rottweiler from our earlier scene

dragging his rollerblading Sexy Milf owner as he attacks a
hapless male jogger.

INT. ERICA’S DESK - SAME

Erica’s cell rings in her purse. She reluctantly tears away
from what she’s doing, fishes the phone out and answers.
ERICA
Hello?
INTERCUT BETWEEN ERICA AND CHRIS
 56.

CHRIS
Hi, Erica?
ERICA
Yes.

CHRIS
It’s Chris. Chris Matheson.
ERICA
Oh, hi, Chris!

CHRIS
How are you?
ERICA
Fine. Busy, but fine. Are you on a
break?
CHRIS
Uh...well, yeah, I had a few
minutes so I thought I’d give you a
call.

ERICA
That’s nice.
(then)
Wait, are you calling to cancel
tomorrow?

CHRIS
No! No, not that!
ERICA
Good. I’m looking forward to it.

JACK (O.S.)
Erica!
ERICA
Look, Chris, it’s really crazy here
now. I have to go. See you
tomorrow.
CHRIS
Yeah, sure. Okay.
 57.

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Erica comes in with her notepad.
ERICA
Yes?
JACK
Any luck reaching Smeltz?
ERICA
I’m sorry but none of the numbers
I’ve found is working. The last one
was for Pekin Central High School.
JACK
Did you ask Leah if she has a
contact for him?
ERICA
Well...no, not yet, but --
JACK
(impatient)
Erica, this is important!
ERICA
(stung)
Yes, I know. I’m sorry.

She turns to leave. He realizes he’s hurt her.

JACK
E, wait.

He gets up and goes to her. Gently holds her shoulders.

JACK
I’m sorry I snapped at you.

ERICA
It’s okay. I should’ve gone to Leah
sooner, I know.
JACK
(charming smile)
That’s my girl.
They’re close enough to kiss. And maybe they would. But she
turns and walks to the door. He admires her as she does.
 58.

INT. ERICA’S DESK - SAME

Sam is delivering mail and witnesses the exchange between
Jack and Erica - his hands on her shoulders, the way he
checks her out as she leaves his office. Sam does not like
Fed-Ex Girl.
ERICA
(to Sam)
Wait. I have a Fed-Ex letter too.
(hands him the envelope)
Thank you.
Their eyes meet. Beat. Sam tosses the letter in his basket
and pushes away. Erica regards him for a moment, knows
something just went down between them. But she’s got bigger
fish to fry. She looks at Leah. Erica takes a breath and
goes to her.
ERICA
Hi Leah. Do you think you can help
me?

LEAH
(insincere smile)
Sure, hon. What do you need?

EXT. LASALLE STREET - LATE AFTERNOON

Sam and Amy walk with the rush hour crowd.

AMY
You know how much I like Chris, but
really Sammy, can you blame a girl?
McCoy’s the trifecta: good-looking,
charming and rich.
SAM
How do you know he’s charming??

AMY
You think Britt Voorhies is the
only piece of ass worth checking
out at the Merc? Anyway, you don’t
know for sure that this Fed-Ex Girl
is hooking up with McCoy.

SAM
I know what I saw and I know McCoy
is tappin’ that.
 59.

AMY
’Cause you like wings and thighs
now too?
SAM
(uh-oh!)
Now I didn’t say that, Ames.
She cuts him a dangerous look. Then:
AMY
You’re really worried about Chris,
aren’t you?
SAM
I just don’t want to see him get
hurt. He really likes this girl and
if she’s a skeezer he should know.
AMY
Well, just be careful not to stick
your nose where it doesn’t belong.

SAM
(lascivious grin)
Where would you like me to stick
it?
She rolls her eyes as they continue on.

INT. SAM’S APARTMENT - LATE AFTERNOON

Sam is on his cell. We hear the shower running.

SAM
Look, C, all I’m saying is don’t
get too wrapped up in it. You know,
you only just met the girl.

EXT. LAKEFRONT - SAME

Chris has just finished jogging. He’s on his cell phone.
CHRIS
Why do you say it like that?

INTERCUT BETWEEN CHRIS AND SAM

SAM
Like what?
 60.

CHRIS
Like something’s wrong with her.
SAM
I didn’t say that, man.

CHRIS
You didn’t have to. Look, Sam, you
got something to say, say it.
SAM
(beat)
Okay... Word is she’s hookin’ up
with her boss. McCoy.
This is a blow to Chris, but he covers his hurt.

CHRIS
Yeah, well, some people just say
things to hear themselves talk.
SAM
I know. Hey, maybe it’s not true.

CHRIS
(not convinced himself)
It’s not. C’mon, man, McCoy’s like
thirty five, easy.

AMY (O.S.)
(calls from bathroom)
Sammy, baby, you comin’?
SAM
(calls to bathroom)
On my way, baby!
(to phone)
C, I gotta go. Look, I’m sure
you’re right about Fed-Ex. Just,
you know, watch yourself, okay?

CHRIS
Yeah. Right.
Sam flips his phone closed, tosses it on the sofa and
hurries to the bathroom, ripping off clothes as he goes.

Chris hangs up and stares at HAPPY PEOPLE GOING BY...

MATCH CUT TO:
HAPPY PEOPLE GOING BY
 61.

EXT. TASTE OF CHICAGO FESTIVAL - LATE AFTERNOON

REVEAL tens of thousands of happy people in Millennium Park,
enjoying the reknowned food and music festival.

EXT. BUCKINGHAM FOUNTAIN - LATE AFTERNOON

Chris waits by the landmark. Time passes. He looks at his
watch, concern growing. He dials his phone.

ERICA’S VOICE (V.O.)

Hi, this is Erica. You know what to
do at the beep.
Beep.

CHRIS
Hi. Hey, Erica, it’s Chris. It’s
about five thirty and I’m here at
Buckingham Fountain. You can call
me, 312-555-5555, if you need to.

SAME SCENE - LATER

Beep.
CHRIS
Hey, it’s Chris again. About
quarter after six. Give me a call
when you get this. Okay?
SAME SCENE - MUCH LATER (NIGHT)
Beep.

Chris hangs up and looks at HAPPY PEOPLE GOING BY...

INT. "L" TRAIN - MOVING - NIGHT

We see Chris’s face reflected in the window as he stares out

at twinkling city lights. Chris doesn’t see a thing.
SLOW DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ERICA’S DESK - MORNING

Erica’s on her desk phone. We hear it ringing, then:
 62.

LLOYD (V.O.)
Hello. This is Lloyd Garner.
ERICA
Hello, is this the Garner farm?

INT. GARNER HOUSE - SAME

Lloyd on the house phone.

LLOYD
Yes. Who’s this?

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - SAME

Bronson is reading the Smeltz report.

BRONSON
Jesus! Who the hell is this guy?!
JACK
You tell me! You made him up!
BRONSON
Look, Jack, it’s obvious somebody’s
trying to scam us.

JACK
Ya think?! The question is who?!
A knock on the door before Erica enters.
ERICA
I think I’ve found him!
Jack and Bronson turn to her, rapt with anticipation.
JACK
Well?

ERICA
I called just about every pig and
hog farm in Central and Southern
Illinois. I just got off the phone
with a Lloyd Garner. He says he
knows Mr. Smeltz.
Jack embraces her.
 63.

JACK
E, you’re great!
(to Bronson)
Did I tell you she was great?

ERICA
(recovering)
He’s on hold.
JACK
Put him through.

She leaves. Jack picks up the phone.

JACK
Hello. Mr. Garner! I’m Jack McCoy.
It’s so good to talk to you, sir.

INT. MAILROOM - DAY

Brock lords over the grunts as usual. Erica enters, looking
for someone. Sam sees her and stops sorting.

BROCK
Can I help you?
ERICA
I’m looking for Chris.

BROCK
Matheson?
ERICA
Yes. Is he in today?

BROCK
(evil chortle)
Here?? No!
ERICA
(wierdo)
Well, would you mind telling him
Erica stopped by?
BROCK
(with cruel delight)
Well, "Erica", if you want to see
him, I suggest you go down to the
unemployment line.
 64.

ERICA
Excuse me?
BROCK
I fired that meathead weeks ago.

OFF Erica...
QUICK FLASHES of Erica running into Chris on his way out of
the Merc after he was fired; outside the Barnes & Noble; at
her desk the morning he delivered the blue envelope.

INT. ELEVATOR BANK - MOMENTS LATER

A peeved Erica pushes the call button. Ding. The doors open.

SAM (O.S.)
Hey, you! Wait!
Erica sees Sam coming down the hall. Another worker goes
onto the elevator and holds the door for her.

ERICA
I’ll get the next one. Thank you.
The doors close as Sam reaches her.
SAM
Exactly what kind of games are you
playing?
ERICA
Excuse me?

SAM
First you leave my boy hangin’ at
the Taste, now you’re down here
asking where he is like you care.
ERICA
I don’t know who you are, but
whoever you are you should ask your
boy --
(before boiling over)
You know what, I don’t even care!

She spins around and heads down the hallway. Stops. Turns.
ERICA
When you see Chris tell him I don’t
have time for trifling, lying white
boys.
 65.

She storms off and goes into a stairwell.

SAM
(calls out)
Yeah, well, maybe he doesn’t have
time for two-timing skeezers!

INT. STAIRWELL - MOMENTS LATER

Erica’s near tears. She takes a deep breath to pull herself
together, opens a door and exits to the lobby.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - DAY

Chris scrapes the last peanut butter out of a jar with his
finger. His cell phone rings. He reluctantly answers.
CHRIS
Yeah?
LLOYD (V.O.)
Chris. This is Lloyd Garner, your
uncle.

INT. STEPPENWOLF THEATER - NIGHT

"Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf" is playing to a full house.

In the wings we find Sam, a bit player, waiting to go on.

EXT. HALSTED STREET - LATER

Sam exits the side entrance of the theater and meets Amy and
Chris out front. They walk down Halsted, talking.
CHRIS
My uncle says they won’t pay until
they meet Smeltz. What the hell am
I supposed to make of that?
AMY
That’s easy, C. You’re screwed!
What the hell were you thinking
anyway?!

CHRIS
That I need the money. Hey, the
other day Deli had to buy me
breakfast.
 66.

SAM
Crazy Deli? "Deli the Bum" Deli?

CHRIS
Dude, the other day Miss Wu had an
open house in my apartment while I
was at home! Asleep!
AMY
Chris, what on earth made you think
you could get away with this?
CHRIS
How was I suppose to know the guy
they made up is in his sixties?

AMY
That’s what’s got you stumped -
that this Smeltz character is old?
The fact that he doesn’t effin’
exist, that’s not a problem for
you?
SAM
C’mon, Ames, you have to admit,
except for the age thing it was a
pretty good plan. Hey, you’re the
one who said he should do something
with his talent.
AMY
And you thought I meant he should
become a felon! I swear, sometimes
I don’t know which one of you is
the bigger moron!
SAM/CHRIS
He is.

CHRIS
Look, guys, I never expected this
thing to get this far, not really.
But now I’m "this close" to ten
thousand dollars. It’s just a one
hour meeting, guys. But I can’t do
it without your help. Help me?
BRIEF MONTAGE - SMELTZ IN THE MAKING

* Chris tries on suit coats and ties at a thrift store. Amy

and Sam give the thumbs up or down;

* Back at Sam’s apartment, Amy colors and styles Chris’

hair.
 67.

* Sam gives him bushy eyebrows, applies actor’s makeup to

age him;

* Sam helps Chris perfect his "old guy" persona.

END MONTAGE

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR, RECEPTION - DAY

Ding. Elevator doors open. A grey-haired, mustachioed man of

about sixty steps off. His rumpled grey sport coat and
bowtie scream hick; the wire-rimmed spectacles and
professorial squint say he’s smart. Meet CLETIS SMELTZ.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Lee Senior, Lee Three, Jack and Bronson stand when Smeltz
enters with Leah. Bronson rushes to greet him first.

BRONSON
Mr. Smeltz! Great to see you again!
Bronson pumps Smeltz’s hand, looks hard into his eyes trying
to intimidate him. I know you’re an imposter, asshole!

Smeltz speaks with a gravely, Southern-tinged accent. Chris’

imitation of Col. Frank Slade from "Scent of a Woman."
SMELTZ
Sorry. Can’t say the same, son.

BRONSON
(covering his irritation)
I’m sorry you had to make the trip
up to Chicago. I know you like to
stay close to home down in Pekin.

Lee Senior moves in, smooth and hospitable.

LEE SENIOR
Mr. Smeltz! Welcome! I’m Lee Carter
Senior.

Coming face to face with the Old Man is unnerving for Chris.
But the firmness of his handshake jolts him back into
character.
SMELTZ
Please, a man of your esteem and
accomplishment, I’d be honored if
you’d call me Cletis.
 68.

LEE SENIOR
Of course, Cletis. And I’m Lee. You
already know Sean, our head of
research. This is my grandson, Lee
Three, and Jack McCoy, our
executive vice president of
trading.
Jack shakes their hands. Smeltz and Jack size each other up,
instant enemies, but for different reasons. They all sit.

SMELTZ
I can only assume you don’t invite
every pork belly prognosticator in
for a sit down before you pay him.
LEE SENIOR
Well now, Cletis, like I told you
on the phone, I was quite impressed
by your report.
SMELTZ
I try to be thorough. My daddy
always said the Devil’s in the
details.
LEE SENIOR
Indeed he is. I just have a few
questions. The firm, and me
personally, we’re putting a great
deal of faith in your analysis.
SMELTZ
You want to kick the tires before
you buy her, eh?
LEE SENIOR
In a manner of speaking, yes.

INT. LEAH’S DESK - DAY

Erica and Leah are talking. The phone rings. Leah answers.
LEAH
Yes, sir. Right away.
(hangs up, dials again)
This is Leah O’Neill. I need fresh
coffee and fruit in Mr. Carter’s
conferene room right away.
She hangs up again. Shudders.
 69.

LEAH
God, I was hoping I wouldn’t have
to go near that Smeltz character
again.

ERICA
What’s he like?
LEAH
He smells like moth balls. Like he
gets his clothes from the Salvation
Army... Erica, would you mind going
in for me? Please? I’ll hurl if I
have to be close to him again.
ERICA
(owing her one)
Okay... Sure.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Chris looks comfortable, enjoying "Smeltz mode". He swallows
a donut. Starts on another.
JACK
What’s still not clear to me,
Cletis, is why now - all of a
sudden - you disregard fast food
projections. Bacon-oriented items
are on track to double next
quarter.
SMELTZ
(chewing)
Sure, demand will be there, Jackie,
but supply won’t. MRSA is gonna
cause pork bellies to fall way
short of August projections.
A worker enters with a cart of coffee, fruit and donuts.
Erica is there to supervise. Smeltz swallows hard when he
sees her.
LEE THREE
M-R-what?

Erica glances at Smeltz as she helps arrange fruit on the

table. Their eyes meet briefly before he looks away. But she
senses something about him.
 70.

SMELTZ
(refocused)
...Methicillin-resistant
Staphytococcus aureus.

BRONSON
What the hell is that?
SMELTZ
It’s a bacteria - like salmonella.
An outbreak in slaughterhouses will
dramatically reduce Q3 and Q4 pork
belly production.
Erica listens to Smeltz. He sounds smart.
JACK
And you predict such an outbreak?
SMELTZ
Yes, Jack, I do.
LEE SENIOR
Why haven’t I heard of this MSRA
before?
SMELTZ
(looks at Bronson)
Don’t really know, Lee. You should
have.
ERICA
Will that be all, Mr. Carter?
LEE SENIOR
Yes, Erica. Thank you, dear.
She ushers the worker out. Before leaving, she looks at
Smeltz, trying to place him. Again he looks away.

JACK
What proof do you have that this
bacteria is going to hit?
SMELTZ
Only the considered opinion of
family farmers across the Midwest.
The big corporate outfits have kept
a tight lid on the MSRA threat for
a while now, but small farmers saw
it comin’ months ago.
 71.

JACK
Cletis - all due respect - if we
take your advice we’ll be taking a
position that leaves the company
dangerously overexposed.

BRONSON
That’s right. Dangerously
overexposed.
LEE THREE
You recommended Cletis’ analysis in
the first place, Sean.
JACK
Sir, we’ve got a few days before we
have to trade on August contracts.
Why not marinate in Cletis’ report
a little bit longer?
Smeltz likes Jack less and less with every passing second.
LEE THREE
Great idea, Jack! Granddad, why not
invite Cletis to tonight’s
celebration?
Jack, Bronson and Smeltz react. What??

LEE SENIOR
Very good idea, Lee!
SMELTZ
But Lee, I --

LEE SENIOR
No buts, Cletis. We’re celebrating
the firm’s fortieth anniversary and
I’d be insulted if you don’t join
me as my special guest.

OFF Smeltz’s bewilderment...

INT. ERICA’S DESK - MOMENTS LATER

Erica looks up from her desk as Jack and Bronson approach.

JACK
Hold my calls.
 72.

ERICA
Yes, of course.
They blow past her desk. She reacts to the slamming door.

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Jack’s steaming.
JACK
That sneaky shit!
BRONSON
Yeah, can you believe the size of
the balls on that old coot?!

JACK
Not Smeltz! Lee Three! He’s behind
this scam.
BRONSON
You think? I always figured him for
a Grade A moron.
JACK
Yeah, well, maybe we were both
wrong.

BRONSON
Jesus...
(then, panic rising)
You think he’s setting us up for
the SEC? Or the FBI?!

JACK
Keep your panties on.
(thinks)
If Smeltz disappears, I can
convince the Old Man to go back to
our original plan.

BRONSON
What do you mean "disappears"??
Look, Jack, let’s not get carried
away here! We’re already in deep
shit as it is.

JACK
I’m not talking about killing the
guy. Jesus, stop being such a
pussy! I don’t know where Lee Three
found this clown Smeltz, but I’m
(MORE)
 73.

JACK (CONT’D)
sure he’s got a price. Whatever Lee
Three’s paying him, we’ll beat it.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - DAY

A BELL HOP gives Smeltz a tour of the high-rise suite. It’s

similar to the kick-ass bachelor pad in his dream.
BELL HOP
Valet services will be up to
collect your clothes, sir. They’ll
have them cleaned and pressed in
time for your event this evening.
Is there anything I can get you,
Mr. Smeltz?

SMELTZ
(awestruck re: suite)
Are you kidding?!
(back in character)
Um...no, no thank you, young man.

The bell hop waits for a tip. Smeltz just stares at him.
BELL HOP
Well, enjoy your stay with us, sir.

After the bell hop exits Smeltz takes it all in. Wow!

INT. HOTEL SUITE, BATHROOM - LATER

Chris looks like a 5-year-old, up to his chin in bubble
bath. His cell phone rings. He climbs out of the tub, almost
slips down before grabbing it from the marble sink.
CHRIS
Hello?

SAM (V.O.)
C, we’re downstairs.
CHRIS
Room 2020.
 74.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - SUNSET

Sam and Amy enter. He’s in awe. She’s concerned.
AMY
Why’d you get out of character?
CHRIS
They took my clothes for dry
cleaning. Besides, I needed a bath.
I smelled like mothballs and old
socks.
AMY
And that’s new?
SAM
(re: the suite)
Damn!
CHRIS
Tell me about it!

AMY
(re: suite)
I don’t know, Chris, I’m starting
to get a bad feeling about this.
CHRIS
I tried to get out of it but Mr.
Carter insisted I stay overnight.
SAM
Who knew hog money was this good?

AMY
Well you know what they say? Pigs
get fed, hogs --
(sees Sam going for gourmet
snacks on a table)
Sam! No!
Too late. He’s already opened a can of nuts.
AMY
Look, C, you’ve had your meeting.
Why not tell them you’ve come down
with something - gallstones or
lumbago - some old guy thing, and
can’t make this party? It’s been
real, it’s been fun, just mail you
the check?
(shoots Sam an evil look)
(MORE)
 75.

AMY (CONT’D)
Then nobody goes to jail for
securities fraud or petty larceny.
SAM
What?? Baby, it’s a can of cashews.

CHRIS
You don’t think I thought of that?
But McCoy’s convinced Mr. Carter to
sit on the report for a day or two,
which means I have to play along if
I want to get paid.
Amy looks at Sam, whose now munching cookies.
CHRIS
Amy, I need your help. C’mon, help
a brother out.
AMY
(against her better judgment)
Oh...All right.

CHRIS
Great! We’d better get started.
Cocktails start at seven.
SAM
Cocktails? Now that’s what I’m
talking about!
Sam goes for the minibar. Amy rolls her eyes and grudgingly
begins unpacking the makeup and hair coloring bag.

INT. HOTEL ELEVATOR

Smeltz is alone in the elevator. The doors begin to close.
GIRLFRIEND (O.S.)
Hold that, please!
He looks up at Hot Blonde and her two HOT GIRLFRIENDS coming
toward the elevator. They’re in party dresses. Smeltz
freezes, being so close to the girl of his dreams.

The doors close. The girls ignore the old man, continuing
their airhead conversation. Hot Blonde speaks with an
annoying nasal lilt that would drive Fran Drescher nuts.
 76.

HOT BLONDE
...And did you see her shoes?
OHMYGOD! Talk about a catastrophe!
HOT GIRLFRIEND
Oh, I know! I’d slit my wrists
before I came out wearing those!
HOT BLONDE
I’d slit your wrists too!...

INT. BALLROOM FLOOR - CONTINUOUS

Ding. Elevator doors open and we’re assaulted by the most
ANNOYING LAUGH known to mankind. REVEAL it’s Hot Blonde. She
and her girlfriends walk off the elevator. Smeltz stands
there, looking like he’s just been through hell.

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

The cocktail reception is in full swing. We find Lee Senior
bending Smeltz’s ear. Smeltz plucks a shrimp from the tray
of a passing waiter as a bored Lee Three downs a gin and
tonic, clearly not his first.
LEE SENIOR
Even with all the technology,
today’s pork trader needs to get
his hands dirty, really know this
business from the ground up.
Lee Three sighs, disgusted by the thought.

LEE SENIOR
Oh, don’t let that little run-in in
Galesburg get the best of you, son.
(to Smeltz)
Lee went down to one of the big
processing operations. His first
time on a farm, can you believe it?
LEE THREE
And my last.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Jack and Bronson eye Smeltz and the Lees suspiciously.
BRONSON
Those codgers are going to cost us
two million bucks.
 77.

JACK
Not if I can help it.
Jack makes his way across the room.
LEE SENIOR
Jackie boy! There you are!
JACK
Great party, Mr. Carter.

LEE SENIOR
Thank Mrs. Whipple.
JACK
So, Cletis, enjoying yourself?

SMELTZ
I am, Jackie boy, I am.
Mrs. Whipple, the picture of propriety in a lovely evening
gown, comes up to the group.

LEE SENIOR
Ah, here she is, the woman of the
hour. Elaine, you look enchanting.
MRS. WHIPPLE
Thank you, sir.

JACK
Everything’s perfect, Mrs. Whipple.
MRS. WHIPPLE
Thank you, Mr. McCoy.
(to Lee Senior)
Sir, it’s time.
LEE SENIOR
Yes. Right. Um...I know I put it
here somewhere.
Lee Senior checks his suit pockets for his speech. Mrs.
Whipple hands it to him.
LEE SENIOR
Thank you.
MRS. WHIPPLE
This way, sir.
Mrs. Whipple leads him away. Jack moves close to Smeltz.
 78.

JACK
You know, you’re not fooling
anyone, "Cletis." If that’s your
real name.

SMELTZ
(covering)
I don’t follow you, Jack.
JACK
Follow this. I know what Lee
Three’s up to and trust me, if you
want to make some real money on
this deal instead of ending up in
Stateville, you’ll meet me outside
after the Old Man’s speech.

Smeltz looks at Jack, trying hard to cover his fear. On the

bandstand, Lee Senior clears his throat and speaks into a
mic.
LEE SENIOR
Good evening! I hope you’re all
having a good time!
(they are)
Not every company can celebrate
forty years of success. I want to
take this opportunity to thank each
and every one of you for your
dedication through the years. We
wouldn’t be here today if not for
you...
(beat)
Tonight is also a bittersweet
occasion for me, since I’m
announcing that, in December, I
will step down as CEO of the
firm...
The crowd reacts. Lee Senior drones on...

INT. HALLWAY - LATER

Lee Senior and Mrs. Whipple stroll hand-in-hand.
LEE SENIOR
I think that went well, don’t you
Lainey dear?
MRS. WHIPPLE
You were marvelous, darling.
 79.

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

Now that the Old Man’s left, the party’s in high gear. We
find Smeltz still pondering Jack’s thinly veiled threat. He
spies him across the room and their eyes meet as Jack exits.

Smeltz drains a Martini to steel himself, starts to follow

Jack. Then he stops cold at the sight of:
ERICA

smokin’ hot in a red party dress and high heels, coming

directly toward him. When she arrives, he’s speechless.
ERICA
Hello, Mr. Smeltz. It’s a pleasure
to see you again.

SMELTZ
(Wow)
H-Hello.
ERICA
I’m Erica House. Mr. McCoy’s
assistant. We met earlier, sort of,
during your meeting... The fruit.
SMELTZ
Yes. Fruit. Very good fruit. Well,
nice to see you too.
She looks in his eyes. The band breaks into a SLOW JAM.
ERICA
Would you like to dance?
SMELTZ
(gulp)
Huh??...

ON THE DANCE FLOOR

Erica and Smeltz draw more than a few looks as they slow
dance. He’s trying hard not to get hard (recall his
expression with Fat Puerto Rican Woman). He steps back to
put some distance between them, but she moves closer. Off to
the side, Leah and the receptionist gossip.
By the time the music stops, Smeltz has worked up a sweat
even though he’s barely moved a muscle.
 80.

ERICA
Thank you. You’re a good dancer...
Mr. Smeltz.
SMELTZ
Uh...Thank you, Miss House.
And just like that she walks away. Smeltz watches her go.

INT. HALLWAY - LATER

Smeltz comes across Jack, who’s waiting for him.

JACK
Well, Cletis old buddy, what do you
say? Shall we talk?

They move to an alcove.

SMELTZ
I’m listening.

JACK
How much is Lee paying you?
SMELTZ
Who says it’s about the money?

JACK
Isn’t that what it’s always about?
Look, so Lee Three isn’t as dumb as
he looks. Good for him. But what do
you think is going to happen to you
if I pull the rug out from under
this con? Think Lee’s gonna save
your ass? Think again.
SMELTZ
A guy writes a report under an
assumed name, that’s one thing. But
he manipulates the markets with
false information? That’s serious
take it up the ass from the
brothers hard time. Won’t you need
a lawyer too, Jackie?

JACK
Maybe. But I can afford the best to
keep me out. Can you, Clete?
Beat.
 81.

SMELTZ
What do you propose?
JACK
You go back to wherever you came
from. I’ll tell the Old Man Cletis
Smeltz was a charlatan who duped
Bronson. He’ll buy that; Bronson’s
a dope. Your report hits the
circular file and we go back to
life as we knew it.

SMELTZ
And what do I get for
double-crossing Lee Three?
Jack looks hard into Smeltz’s eyes, trying to read him.

JACK
One hundred thousand.
SMELTZ
Dollars??

JACK
Okay, okay... One hundred fifty.
This is sinking in when a cell phone rings. After a beat,
Smeltz realizes it’s his. Takes it from his jacket pocket.

SMELTZ
Hello?
ERICA (V.O.)
What do you think you’re doing?

SMELTZ
(confused)
Huh?

ERICA (V.O.)
Are you crazy or just plain stupid?
SMELTZ
(to Jack)
Excuse me. I have to take this.

Smeltz walks away.

SMELTZ
Erica??
 82.

INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY - SAME

Erica is on her cell phone.
ERICA
Chris, don’t you know you can go to
jail for impersonating someone?
INTERCUT BETWEEN ERICA AND SMELTZ
SMELTZ
You can’t impersonate someone who
doesn’t exist.
ERICA
(reacts, Are you crazy?)
I’m in the hallway on the other
side of the ballroom! Get over
here!
Click. She hangs up. Smeltz goes back to Jack.
SMELTZ
Let me think about it, Jack.
JACK
August contracts trade on Tuesday.
Don’t make me wait.

INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Smeltz finds Erica waiting. She doesn’t say a word, just
turns and leads him into a nearby breakout room.

INT. BREAKOUT ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Erica hits the bitch switch before the door closes.
ERICA
I can’t believe you! And to think
for a minute I actually thought you
were a decent guy!
SMELTZ
How did you know it was me?

She rips off one of his eyebrows. He reacts, Ow! She folds
her arms. Waits.
 83.

ERICA
Well?

He’s about to start explaining, then:

SMELTZ
Me? What about you? Why don’t you
explain your self??

ERICA
What?
SMELTZ
Yeah. That’s right. You!

ERICA
Oh, you mean why I’m making a fool
of myself dressing up like an old
lady, pretending to be somebody
else and breaking God knows how
many securities laws?

SMELTZ
I mean why you’re hooking up with
your sleazy boss!
Beat. Erica is dumbstruck. Then - WHACK!- she slaps him so
hard his glasses and other fake eyebrow fly off.
SMELTZ
(Ow!)
What -- ??

ERICA
For disrespecting me like that
right to my face.
Just as this is sinking in - WHACK! - she slaps him again,
knocking his fake mustache askew.

SMELTZ
Hey!
ERICA
For believing whatever lies your
idiot friend told you about me.
Beat. Smeltz turns sheepish.
SMELTZ
So you’re not sleeping with McCoy?

Her eyes narrow. He braces for another whack.

 84.

ERICA
Not that it’s any of your damn
business, but no, I’m not.

SMELTZ
Oh... Look, Erica, I’m sorry. After
you didn’t show up at the Taste...I
just figured it was true.

ERICA
(beat)
Chris...about that, I --
The door bursts open. Bronson and Leah stumble in, kissing
and groping passionately. Leah notices Smeltz and Erica and
pulls away from Bronson.
LEAH
(mortified)
Oh, Mr. Smeltz! Sir...

Seeing Smeltz with the hot young black chick leaves Bronson
speechless.
SMELTZ
Well, Sean, I’d ask if you you’re
enjoyin’ the party, but it’s pretty
obvious you are, huh?
He takes Erica’s hand and they move toward the door. Leah
shoots daggers at Erica, who smiles as she passes.

INT. OUTSIDE BREAKOUT ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Smeltz and Erica walk away hand-in-hand. They look at each
other and burst into laughter.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

Chris and Erica talk on a sofa. He’s ditched the makeup and
fake mustache. All that’s left of Smeltz are his bowtie and
dyed grey hair.

ERICA
(incredulous)
A hundred and fifty thousand
dollars?
CHRIS
Yeah. And if they’re offering me
that, they’re making at least ten
times that much on this scam.
 85.

ERICA
Chris, tell me you’re not seriously
thinking about taking it.
CHRIS
Erica, I don’t have a job, and
without a degree who knows when
I’ll get one. My landlady is "this"
close to kicking me to the curb.
What choice do I have?

ERICA
You can always chose to do the
right thing... Chris, go back to
school, get your degree. It’s not
too late. Look at me. If I can...

She clocks a change in him.

ERICA
What’s wrong?
CHRIS
(beat)
My family believes I graduated from
college. And business school. They
think I’m some big shot stock
broker. Not an unemployed mailroom
grunt.
ERICA
Chris... why?
A long beat.

CHRIS
My folks sacrificed everything they
had to send me to college. Even in
the worst economy possible they
mortgaged their hog farm to the
hilt. They said I had a "gift."
(scoffs at the thought)
A gift for screwing up.
ERICA
What happened?

CHRIS
In my junior year I got kicked out
of Loyola for cheating.
 86.

ERICA
Did you?
CHRIS
Not that it matters now, but no, I
didn’t. I aced an Economics exam
that no one had ever gotten better
than a B on. That wouldn’t have
been so bad, but my roommate stole
my answers and gave them to his
fraternity. So the frat with the
worst GPA on campus suddenly had
six guys who aced the toughest exam
in school.
(beat)
After I was expelled I found out my
folks declared bankruptcy and lost
the farm.
ERICA
Oh, Chris.
CHRIS
Then...
ERICA
What? Please tell me.
CHRIS
Then Mom and Dad were killed in a
car accident.
ERICA
Oh, Chris! I’m so sorry!

CHRIS
I couldn’t go back to Pekin after
that... So I let my aunt and uncle
believe that I finished school and
got a job as a broker. It’s what
everyone expected so...
He’s overcome by guilt and sadness. She wipes away his
tears.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - LATER

Chris stands at the window, staring out at the lighted city.

Erica comes up behind him.
 87.

ERICA
It’s late. I should get going.

CHRIS
Yeah. Okay.
He turns around. Beat. They look at each other.
ERICA
Chris, I know it’s a lot of money.
But you’re better than they are.
Remember that, okay?
She gently brushes his hand, then walks toward the door.

CHRIS
Erica.
She turns to face him.
ERICA
Yes, Chris?
CHRIS
I know you don’t owe me any
explanations, but why did you blow
me off at the Taste?

ERICA
Chris, I’m really sorry about that.
I had an emergency.

CHRIS
But you could’ve called. I left you
like seven messages.
ERICA
I lost my phone. I only got a new
one today.
She goes to him, stands close. Looks in his eyes.
ERICA
Chris, I’m sorry if I hurt you. I
really wanted to see you that
night.
CHRIS
You did?

ERICA
Yes... You’d think a genius could
tell when a girl likes him.
 88.

CHRIS
You like me?
She kisses him tenderly. It doesn’t take a genius to figure
it out. He takes her in his arms and they kiss deeply.

INT. HOTEL SUITE, BEDROOM - LATER

Chris strips down to his boxer shorts. He adjusts the lights
- too dark - adjusts them again - too bright. Finally he
gets them just right and climbs into the king size bed,
blows into his palm to check his breath.
Erica steps out of the bathroom, naked. She stands there for
a moment to give him a good look. (No full nudity here, but
trust us, Sister Girl is effin’ hot). Erica slips underneath
the covers with him.
ERICA
Hi.
CHRIS
Hey.
They start kissing. He moves on top. PAN to a DIGITAL CLOCK
on the nightstand. It’s 12:03.

TIME CUT TO:

DIGITAL CLOCK. Now it’s 12:06.
PAN back to Erica and Chris, side by side in bed. He’s
exhausted and totally satisfied. She’s neither.

CHRIS
Wow! That was nice!
ERICA
Yeah. Nice.

He looks at her.
CHRIS
(realizing)
Oh! Well...it’s been a while since
I...
ERICA
It’s okay, baby. Guys front all the
time like they’ve been with so many
girls. I feel special being your
first.
 89.

CHRIS
Whoa! I’m not a virgin!
ERICA
(the sweet smile)
Of course you’re not. Not now.

CHRIS
No! Not before either!
ERICA
(not convinced)
Oh... Okay.
He sits up.
CHRIS
No really! It’s just...you’re
so...hot and sweet and...it’s been
like a year...and a half since...
She eases him back down on the bed and rolls on top. Begins
kissing and nibbling.

ERICA
So you’re just out of practice...
CHRIS
Yeah. That’s it.

ERICA
...need to build up your endurance.
CHRIS
(hard again)
Yeah...that’s right...
ERICA
Like this...

She mounts him.

CHRIS
Uh-hhhhhuh...
SLOW DISSOLVE TO:
 90.

INT. HOTEL SUITE, BEDROOM - DAWN

DIGITAL CLOCK - 6:55 a.m.
A Bose Wave radio booms to life with Rod Stewart’s
"Infatuation". Curtains automatically part, just like in our
opening scene. Chris reaches over and turns off the alarm.
Wonders if it was all just a dream. Then:
ERICA (O.S.)
Hey, baby.

He looks over at Erica, pretty in her red party dress.

CHRIS
So it wasn’t a dream?

She smiles that smile. Comes over and kisses him.

ERICA
No. But it felt like one.
He smiles, cocky.

ERICA
Oh, god, have I created a monster?
They share a laugh. He sits up, looks at the clock.

CHRIS
Why up so early? We can order room
service. GPF’s paying.
ERICA
Some of us have jobs to go to.
CHRIS
But it’s only seven. You don’t have
to be in until nine.

ERICA
(re: party dress)
I can’t go to work like this.
CHRIS
Oh, right.

ERICA
(off his look)
What?
 91.

CHRIS
I don’t like you having to deal
with McCoy and Bronson alone.
ERICA
Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.
You spend today thinking about what
to do.
She kisses him again then goes to the bedroom door.

CHRIS
Erica... I’m still not sure. I
mean, it’s a lot of money.
ERICA
I know my man will do the right
thing.
She exits. We hear the door to the suite close. Chris leans
back against the headboard, then he realizes:
CHRIS
"My man"?
(puts hands behind head)
My man! Now that’s what I’m talking
about. Yeah.

INT. ERICA’S DESK - MORNING

Erica is organizing for the day. She looks up as Jack
approaches.
ERICA
Good morning.
JACK
Good morning, E. Could you come in?
ERICA
Yes. Of course.
She takes her notepad and follows him in. A bit worried.

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

She closes the door, walks to his desk. She stands, he sits.
JACK
Good party last night, wasn’t it?
 92.

ERICA
Yes. It was.

JACK
Sorry we didn’t get a chance to
spend any time together... But you
probably get enough of me here at
the office, don’t you?

She covers her anxiety with a smile.

JACK
I’ll need meetings this morning
with Bronson and Lee Senior. Oh,
and if Mr. Smeltz calls, put him
through no matter where I am. Okay?
ERICA
Certainly, Mr. McCoy.
(off his reaction)
Certainly, Jack.

INT. ERICA’S DESK - MORNING

Erica’s phone rings. She answers.

ERICA
Jack McCoy’s office.
BRONSON (V.O.)
I need to see you in my office.

ERICA
(wary)
Okay. I’ll be right there.

INT. BRONSON’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Erica closes the door. He’s standing at his desk.

BRONSON
You’ve been in on this scam from
the beginning, haven’t you?

ERICA
I’m sorry, but I don’t know what
you’re talking about.
BRONSON
So I’m supposed to believe you’ve
got a thing for old white guys?
 93.

ERICA
I really don’t care what you
believe.
BRONSON
You know if I tell Jack about you
and the coot he’ll can your ass.
She doesn’t respond, just remains as cool as the other side
of the pillow.

BRONSON
I don’t know if you fully grasp the
magnitude of what you’re involved
in, young lady. People go to prison
for what Smeltz is doing.

ERICA
I’m just a secretary, Mr. Bronson.
If you have a point to make, you’re
going to have to spell it out for
me in black and white.

BRONSON
All right. Here it is. I’ve read
your old man’s report and I think
he could be on to something. So I
want in on his deal with Lee Three.
Tell him that.
ERICA
I’m afraid I can’t help you, Mr.
Bronson. My relationship with Mr.
Smeltz is purely sexual. We don’t
talk, we just screw.
Off Bronson’s utter disbelief, Erica turns and exits.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - DAY

Chris talks to a REPAIRMAN fixing an air conditioner.

CHRIS
I still can’t believe it.
REPAIRMAN
(working on unit)
That you finally got laid?
CHRIS
No, that you know how to fix
things.
 94.

The repairman turns around and we see that he’s a

clean-shaven, very nice-looking Deli.
REPAIRMAN/DELI
I thought I told you I was a
mechanic in the Army.

CHRIS
You also told me you were in the
Green Berets, the Navy SEALs and
the CIA.

DELI
Uh-huh, so what’s your point?
Miss Wu enters abruptly, talking with a prospective TENANT.

MISS WU
...apartment ready for immediate
occupancy.
The tenant is surprised to see Chris and Deli.

TENANT
I can come back later.
MISS WU
You look now. They not here.

CHRIS
Miss Wu, a knock would be nice.
Miss Wu ignores Chris but stops cold when she notices Deli.
MISS WU
Who your friend?
CHRIS
Look, you won’t fix the air
conditioner and it’s a hundred
degrees outside. I asked --
MISS WU
You no be rude, Chris! You
introduce.

DELI
(all charm)
Hello pretty lady. I’m Earl.
She smiles prettily. Chris does a double-take. Earl?
 95.

MISS WU
Pleased to meet you, Earl. I’m
Priscilla.
A stunned Chris mouths her name. Priscilla?

TENANT
How much did you say the rent is?
MISS WU
(suddenly irritated)
Apartment not for rent! Can’t you
see people here??
TENANT
But you just --

MISS WU
You leave now! Go! Now!
Miss Wu shoos the woman out, slamming the door behind her.
When she turns to Deli, she’s all sweetness and light.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - LATER

Chris and Deli have a beer at the kitchen counter.
CHRIS
It seems crazy for me to even say
this, but what would you do, Deli?
(Whoa!)
Yeah, that was crazy.
DELI
Look, dog, crazy would be not
taking the money. It’s a hundred
and fifty grand to stop being a
dude that you’re not.
CHRIS
It’s not that simple. McCoy and
Bronson are breaking the law and
want me to help them by not
recommending the firm buy pork
bellies long, even though it’s the
right thing to do.

DELI
Dog, just admit it. The only reason
you’re thinking twice about this is
because of the poontang.
 96.

CHRIS
Come on, Deli.
DELI
This girl must be awesome if you’re
seriously thinking about passing up
a hundred and fifty grand.
Chris takes this in. Smiles to himself. Then:
CHRIS
So you’re really gonna hit Miss Wu?
DELI
Do polar bears ice skate in the
woods?

Chris is about to correct him; decides it’s not worth it.

His cell phone rings.
CHRIS
Hello?

ERICA (V.O.)
Hi.
CHRIS
Hey.

INT. ERICA’S DESK - SAME

Erica on the phone.
ERICA
Do you miss me yet?
INTERCUT BETWEEN ERICA AND CHRIS
CHRIS
You know I do.

ERICA
Then you’ll take me to dinner
tonight?
CHRIS
Of course. You like Chinese?
ERICA
I like Chris. But I’ll eat Chinese.
 97.

CHRIS
Okay... How’s it going there today?
ERICA
I told you, no worries here. I’ll
fill you in on today’s drama at
dinner. More important, how are
you?
CHRIS
(beat, looks at Deli)
No worries.
ERICA
(smiles)
Good. Pick me up outside the Merc
after work.

INT. LEE SENIOR’S OFFICE - DAY

Jack sits across from Lee Senior.

LEE SENIOR
Have you looked into this bacteria
issue further?
JACK
Sean’s people are on it. I spoke
with Bud Howell this morning. He’s
heard rumblings from smaller farms
but he’s not too concerned.
LEE SENIOR
But Cletis seemed so sure about it.
JACK
He hasn’t returned any of my calls.
I hate to say it, sir, but I think
Cletis is a con artist.

The possibility seems draining for the Old Man.

LEE SENIOR
This is very disappointing, Jack.
You know the board is anxious for
us to recoup last summer’s losses.
JACK
Yes sir. And I know how important
it is, with you retiring, that we
keep the firm strong for Lee
Three’s eventual transition to CEO.
 98.

LEE SENIOR
It’s that, yes, but I’m also
disappointed in Cletis. He seemed
so genuine. So real.

JACK
Don’t beat yourself up, sir. We all
thought so... Of course - not that
anyone is at fault here - but Sean
could have done a better job of
screening. His confidence in Smeltz
led us all down this path.
LEE SENIOR
Yes. I suppose you’re right.
JACK
It’s Friday. If we haven’t heard
from Smeltz by the end of the day,
I suggest we disregard his report
and go with our original strategy.
LEE SENIOR
Yes...yes, of course, Jack.

EXT. CHICAGO MERCHANTILE EXCHANGE BUILDING - LATE AFTERNOON

Chris is waiting. Hot Blonde comes out of the building and
walks straight toward him. She seems to look at him and
smile. Chris smiles and walks right past her to greet Erica.
ERICA
Hi.

CHRIS
Hey.
They kiss. Brock comes out of the building and sees them.
BROCK
I see you found your friend here on
the unemployment line.
Chris and Erica part. Without missing a beat:
CHRIS
(in Smeltz’s voice)
Now listen here son, disrespect my
lady again and I guarantee you’ll
be on the unemployment line!
Brock is stunned. Erica and Chris walk away laughing.
 99.

INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - SUNSET

Chris and Erica in the same booth from Chris’ earlier
restaurant scene. He’s teaching her how to use chopsticks.

ERICA
It’s a good thing I’m not Chinese.
I’d starve to death.
CHRIS
If you were Chinese you’d have used
these since you were a baby.
ERICA
I guess you’re right.
CHRIS
Of course I am. I’m a genius,
remember?
ERICA
All right... So tell me, genius,
what’s your plan for dealing with
Jack and Mr. Bronson.
CHRIS
Jack?
ERICA
Don’t make me hurt you.
CHRIS
Okay... Well, I’m not going to take
"Jack’s" money.
(off her pleased reaction)
But Cletis Smeltz isn’t going away
just yet.
ERICA
(concern growing)
Chris, what are you talking about?
JACK
Look, if I disappear, McCoy goes
through with his plan. But if I -
make that "Cletis" - sticks around
and convinces Mr. Carter to corner
the market, the firm recoups its
losses. Only the bad guys lose.
ERICA
You don’t know that! Bronson
couldn’t wait to throw Jack -
(MORE)
 100.

ERICA (CONT’D)
excuse me, "McCoy" - under the bus
this morning. I’m sure McCoy’s
already turned Mr. Carter against
you. And what’s to stop them from
turning you in to the police?
CHRIS
The FBI. It’s a federal offense.
ERICA
So you’ve got jokes now? Laugh at
this: I don’t do conjugal visits.

CHRIS
Okay. Look Erica, I may have
written it under an assumed name,
but my report is totally legit. If
Mr. Carter follows my advice, he’ll
save the firm.

ERICA
Well, I’ve only been there for a
few weeks, but it’s obvious McCoy
is Mr. Carter’s boy. He won’t do
anything that McCoy disagrees with.

CHRIS
Yeah. You’re right...
(thinking)
On the other hand, it only took
Cletis Smeltz a day to figure out
Lee Three hates Jack McCoy.
The same Chinese waitress from the earlier scene stops by
with fortune cookies and the check.

ERICA
Did you know that whatever your
fortune says you’re supposed to end
it with "in bed"?
CHRIS
No, I didn’t know that.
She cracks open her cookie. Inside is an ordinary fortune.
She makes up one of her own.
ERICA
(pretends to read)
You will be hungry again in one
hour...in bed.
(she looks at him)
(MORE)
 101.

ERICA (CONT’D)
I hope so.
(then)
Go ahead. Open yours. And remember,
you have to end it with "in bed."

He opens his cookie. There’s no fortune inside. Hmmm?

ERICA
Guess mine will have to do for both
of us.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - NIGHT

Chris and Erica reach climax and collapse onto the bed.

ERICA
(winded, satisfied)
That was nice.
CHRIS
(winded, satisfied)
Yeah.
They look at each other. And laugh.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - DAWN

Chris rolls over in bed expecting to find Erica but she’s

not there. He looks around. Just as concern clouds his face,
she comes out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go.
ERICA
Hi.
CHRIS
(sleepily)
You’re leaving?

ERICA
I’m sorry, but I have to go.
He sits up, rubs sleep from his eyes.
CHRIS
It’s Saturday. You don’t have work.
ERICA
I know. I just have to get home.
 102.

CHRIS
Wait, Erica, I don’t get it. You a
vampire or something?
She’s not amused.

ERICA
Baby, I really need to go. I’ll
explain later, okay.
She kisses him. He holds her hand to stop her from leaving.

CHRIS
Talk to me. If there’s something I
need to know, just tell me now...
Is there another guy?

ERICA
No! Baby, I’m not like that.
She sits, opens her purse and pulls out a PHOTOGRAPH. He
looks at it. Beat.

ERICA
(loving smile)
Her name is Charlize. She’s
eighteen months.
CHRIS
She’s gorgeous.
(looks at Erica)
Like her mother.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - EARY MORNING

Chris and Erica walk hand-in-hand.

ERICA
Most guys, when they find out
you’ve got a baby with sickle-cell,
they don’t want to deal.
CHRIS
And you thought that would be me?
After a few more steps, he stops, turns, strokes her cheek.

CHRIS
Baby, I’m not like that.
 103.

She smiles her sweet smile. They kiss. When they part,
REVEAL they’re at the Addison Street "L" station. He watches
her go inside and stays outside until she disappears from
sight.

INT. STAIRWELL - LATER

Chris walks up the stairs. A door opens and Deli sneaks out.
CHRIS
Deli! How’s it goin’ in there, man?
MISS WU (O.S.)
Baby! You get back here! Finish
what you start!

DELI
(into the apartment)
Be right there, Priss.
(to Chris, desperate)
Dog, ol’ girl ain’t been laid since
the fall of Saigon. My dick’s ’bout
to fall off.
CHRIS
Good luck with that.
MISS WU (O.S.)
EARL!
Deli takes a deep breath, turns and goes back inside. Chris
shakes his head and continues up the stairs.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - DAY

Chris is tidying his apartment. He finds the FORTUNE [from
his first Chinese restaurant scene]. He reads it.
INSERT - FORTUNE

"The wise man finds true happiness in his own house."

RETURN TO SCENE
CHRIS
(to himself, smiling)
...in bed.
 104.

INT. LEE SENIOR’S OFFICE - DAY

Lee Senior, Lee Three and Jack are meeting.
JACK
I’ve instructed our traders not to
go under eighty five cents a pound.
That should lock in profits before
any sell-off begins.
LEE THREE
Won’t we be overexposed to short
sales at that price?
JACK
(a small laugh)
Trust me, Lee. You’d have to be
nuts to sell short in this market.
LEE THREE
Still, I’d feel more comfortable if
we cap trades at seventy-five.

LEE SENIOR
Jack?
JACK
It’s a safe play. But then, we also
limit our upside considerably, sir.

Lee Senior is pondering this when Mrs. Whipple enters. She

goes to Lee Senior and whispers in his ear. He reacts.
LEE SENIOR
Yes! Send him in!
She exits. The men look at Lee Senior, curious. The mystery
ends when Smeltz enters.
SMELTZ
Afternoon, gentlemen.
Jack can barely contain his ire.
LEE SENIOR
Cletis, please, join us. I have to
say, I was startin’ to have my
doubts about you.
SMELTZ
My apologies, Lee. I do owe you an
explanation.
 105.

LEE SENIOR
Yes, I believe you do.
SMELTZ
Well... I met a very pretty, very -
shall we say - "needy" young woman
at your party on Friday. And, well,
I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit
this, but I’ve had to spend the
last couple of days recovering.

Beat. They all wait for Lee Senior’s reaction. Finally:

LEE SENIOR
(uproarious laughter)
Cletis, you old dog! I knew you and
me were cut from the same cloth!

He leans forward, speaks directly to Smeltz.

LEE SENIOR
You wouldn’t know it from looking
at her now, but Lainey was quite
the hellcat twenty-five years ago.
LEE THREE
(appalled)
Granddad! Mrs. Whipple??

LEE SENIOR
Relax, Lee. Your grandmother had
passed long before I met Lainey.
JACK
Cletis, we’re all glad you got
laid, but we’ve already decided on
a strategy for tomorrow’s trading
session.
SMELTZ
And I’m sure it’s a prudent one,
Jack. I just stopped by to thank
Lee Three for the license to trade
tomorrow.
Jack and Bronson are thunderstruck. Lee Three shoots them a
cunning grin. He’s really not as dumb as he looks.
LEE SENIOR
Lee, I’m afraid I don’t understand.
 106.

JACK
Yeah, Lee, why don’t you explain?
LEE THREE
Well, Granddad, Jack, I read
Cletis’ report too, and I liked his
analysis. So when he phoned me this
morning --
JACK
You called him this morning?

SMELTZ
He just said that, Jack. Aren’t you
listening, son?
Jack fumes.

LEE THREE
When Cletis phoned this morning, he
convinced me to let him prove his
strategy in the Pit tomorrow.

JACK
What the hell are you talking
about?
SMELTZ
Allow me. I’ve staked my ten
thousand dollar fee to trade August
pork bellies tomorrow. If I’m
wrong, you lose nothing. If I’m
right, every penny of profit I make
goes to GPF.

Lee Senior’s eyebrows arch.

LEE SENIOR
But Jack trades for this firm.

LEE THREE
That’s right, Granddad. And Cletis
trades for me. You wanted me to get
to know the business. Well, I think
Cletis can help me do that. I’m
willing to bet my future at the
firm on it.
JACK
(laughing)
Your future at the firm! All right,
Lee, you’re on! Me and "Cletis"
here in the Pit. He makes a profit
(MORE)
 107.

JACK (CONT’D)
for the firm, I walk. But if I make
a profit, Mr. Carter names me CEO,
effective immediately.

LEE SENIOR
Jack! That sounds like an
ultimatum.
JACK
That’s exactly what it is, Mr.
Carter.

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR - DAY

Lee Three, Jack and Smeltz leave Lee Senior’s office. Lee
Three looks at Mrs. Whipple sitting at her desk. She smiles
pleasantly at him. He shakes his head and walks off.
A hot Jack stops Smeltz at the elevators.
JACK
You stupid old fool. The first
thing I’m going to do after wiping
the floor with your ass in the Pit
is call the FBI. I bet you’re gonna
love it in Stateville.

SMELTZ
(matter-of-fact)
Maybe we can be cellmates, Jack.
Ding. Smeltz steps onto the elevator, turns and locks eyes
with Jack. As the doors close, Smeltz smiles.

EXT. BUCKINGHAM FOUNTAIN - SUNSET

Chris and Erica sit on the edge of the fountain, eating
pizza slices and talking.

ERICA
I still don’t like it, Chris. You
deliver mail. You’re not a
commodities trader.

CHRIS
Thanks.
ERICA
Baby, you know what I mean.
 108.

CHRIS
It’s not as crazy as it sounds. I
know about trading futures.
ERICA
So does McCoy and he does it for a
living.
CHRIS
Well I grew up on a hog farm and I
know how hog farmers think. Trust
me, I got this.
(beat, then)
So...when do I meet Charlize?

INT. FLOOR OF THE MERC - MORNING

Traders ready themselves in the minutes before market open.

We find Jack in a yellow trader’s jacket. Lee Senior, Lee
Three and Bronson make their way across the floor to him.
LEE SENIOR
’Morning, Jack. Ready to make some
money?
JACK
Yes sir.
(to Lee Three)
Haven’t seen your friend Cletis.
Maybe he got lost.
BRONSON
(humored)
Or maybe he’s just a genius on
paper.
LEE SENIOR
Well, here or not, ten thousand’s
been transfered into his trading
account.
Lee Three checks his watch, then the digital clock on the
Globex trading board. 10:25.
LEE THREE
(not so sure)
He’ll show.
LEE SENIOR
I hope so, son. Well, good luck,
Jack. Though I doubt you’ll need
it.
 109.

JACK
Thank you, sir.
They walk away and Jack takes his place in the pit.
AMY

moves through the crowd of traders, passes Lee Senior and

his entourage on her way to the Pit.
JACK

glances at the Globex trading board, finds the listing for

August Pork Bellies. The clock on the board hits 10:30.
Trading screens spark to life. The chaos begins.
AMY

her back to us, gives trading slips to a trader. When she

turns toward us to leave, we see the trader is Chris.
JACK

notices Chris staring at him. Jack’s expression says, What?

CHRIS
(in Smeltz’s voice)
Didn’t get lost, Jack.

Jack is shocked. Chris smiles. It’s on.

INT. BOOTH ABOVE THE FLOOR OF THE MERC - DAY

Lee Senior and other GPF executives watch the action. Mrs.
Whipple and Erica keep the coffee hot and the donuts coming.

INT. THE PIT - DAY

An intense scene that captures the energy and pandemonium of
open-outcry trading. Jack is a natural - smooth, confident,
a man in his element. Chris is at first hesitant, but soon
finds his stride and gives as well as he gets.
We see the volume and price of pork bellies fluctuate on
GLOBEX MONITORS.

MATCH CUT TO:

GLOBEX MONITORS
 110.

INT. FARMER’S BUREAU HALL - DAY

Pork farmers, among them Lloyd and Sloane Garner, watch
real-time trading activity on the monitors. Lloyd exchanges
a look with Sloane, then he looks at another farmer, who
looks at another farmer and so on, until an ancient,
WHITE-HAIRED FARMER completes the circuit, nodding almost
imperceptibly.
The white-haired farmer picks up a phone, dials and speaks.

INT. THE PIT - DAY

Through the havoc, Chris and Jack lock eyes. Instinctively
they know it’s nut-cutting time. Suddenly, a wave of human
energy washes into the Pit.

Jack and Chris look to the monitors: pork belly prices start
to rise, higher and higher.
JACK

looks at the few remaining trading slips in his hands. He’s

sold short. He can’t get in on the action. Uh-oh.
CHRIS
looks at his fists full of slips. He’s cornered the pork
belly market and the proof is in his hands. He starts
selling.

INT. BOOTH ABOVE THE FLOOR OF THE MERC - CONTINUOUS

GPF execs raptly watch the frenzy in the Pit.

LEE SENIOR
Looks like Cletis was right. Too
bad he isn’t here to get in on it.
Oh, thank you, Erica dear.

Erica hands Lee Senior a cup of coffee, then steals a glance

at Chris racking up in the Pit. She beams with pride.
EXECUTIVE #1
But what about GPF’s position? If
Smeltz hasn’t traded for us, we’re
left with Jack’s losses!
EXECUTIVE #2
We’ll be wiped out! Again!
 111.

Lee Three is looking at his smartphone. A broad victory

smile emerges. PUSH IN on the DISPLAY and we see stats
showing GPF’s profit on August pork bellies is skyrocketing.
LEE THREE
Actually, only the short sellers
are taking a bath today.
Bronson is sick to his stomach.

INT. THE PIT - LATER

Chris looks over at Jack, who eyes him with raw contempt.
JACK
Who the hell are you?

CHRIS
Name’s Chris. Matheson. Nice doing
business with you, Jackie boy.
Chris smiles and smacks him on the shoulder as he passes.

OFF Jack fuming...

INT. HALLWAY IN THE MERC - A SHORT TIME LATER

Erica runs into Chris’ arms and he swings her around.

ERICA
You did it, Chris! You did it!

CHRIS
Yeah. Can you believe it??
ERICA
(that sweet smile)
Yes. I can.

They kiss deeply. A ringing phone interrupts them. Chris

pulls it from his pocket and answers.
CHRIS
Hello?
 112.

EXT. FARMER’S BUREAU HALL - SAME

Sloane and Lloyd are outside. Lloyd’s on his cell phone.
LLOYD
Chris. This is Lloyd Garner.
INTERCUT BETWEEN LLOYD AND CHRIS
CHRIS
Hi, Uncle Lloyd. Well, how’d
everybody make out?
Lloyd glances around at farmers filing out of the building.
LLOYD
I’d say we did all right. Not a bad
day’s work for a mailroom clerk.
CHRIS
An out of work mailroom clerk.
LLOYD
Right. What about you? You all
right?
Chris looks at Erica’s lovely face.
CHRIS
Yeah. I’m fine.
He hangs up.
CHRIS
(to Erica)
There’s one more thing I have to
do.

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR - DAY

Ding. Chris steps off the elevator and makes his way past
cubicles and offices - his old mail route. Mrs. Whipple, at
her desk, looks up as he approaches.
MRS. WHIPPLE
Christopher. Haven’t seen you in a
while. Have you been on vacation?
CHRIS
No ma’am, not exactly. Mrs.
Whipple, it’s important that I see
Mr. Carter. Is he in?
 113.

INT. LEE SENIOR’S OFFICE - LATER

Lee Senior sits at his desk, astonished.

LEE SENIOR
Do it again!
CHRIS
Sir, I --

LEE SENIOR
Go ahead, son. Do it!
CHRIS
(as Smeltz)
I can only assume you don’t invite
every pork belly prognosticator in
for a sit down before you pay him.
LEE SENIOR
Fascinating.

CHRIS
Yes... Sir, I just want to
apologize again for fooling you the
way I did. It was wrong, I know it.

LEE SENIOR
Yes, it was... But you were right.
You did your homework and you made
a lot of money for this firm. More
important, you did the right thing
when it counted.
(beat, then astonished)
And you came from the mailroom?

INT. GLOBAL PORK FUTURES, FIFTEENTH FLOOR - DAY

Jack comes out of his office carrying a box of his

belongings. He pauses at Erica’s desk. She’s not there. He
walks through the office suite. Lee Three stops him. After a
stare down:
LEE THREE
You know what they say, Jack. Hogs
get slaughtered.
Jack smirks then continues walking. When he reaches the
elevator, Bronson is waiting, holding a box of his own.
Ding. The elevator doors open. They go inside and turn to
face us. The doors close on their long faces.
SLOW DISSOLVE TO:
 114.

INT. GOLD COAST DOGS - LATE AFTERNOON

Amy, Sam, Deli and Erica are at the usual table. Chris
enters and joins them.

ERICA
Well?
Chris pulls a check from his pocket and shows them. Eyes
widen.

DELI
Whoa! Is that six zeros, dog??
CHRIS
It’s less than the commission
Smeltz would’ve made. But Mr. C
thought I deserved something.
AMY
Mr. C? You two got pretty chummy.
SAM
A guy makes five million for your
firm, you bet your sweet ass
they’re buds. Right, C?
CHRIS
Maybe not buds, but he did offer me
a job. Vice president of market
research and chief analyst.
ERICA
Bronson’s old job?!

CHRIS
Yeah. But I turned it down.
SAM
Are you nuts? That guy made six
figures! Not counting bonus!

CHRIS
Told him I might take him up on his
offer next year...after I graduate
from Loyola.

Chris and Erica share a loving look and a smile. A WAITRESS

stops at the table.
WAITRESS
Ready to order?
 115.

CHRIS
Yeah. I’m starving. Give me a
double cheddar dog with the works.
DELI
That sounds good. Make it two.
As the others give their orders we...
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END