"This is My commandment, that

you love one another, just as I

have you.
John 15:12
"Greater love has no one than
this, that one lay down his life for
his friends.
John 15:13
"You are My friends if you do
what I command you.

John 15:14
"No longer do I call you slaves,
for the slave does not know what
his master is doing; but I have
called you friends, for all things
that I have heard from My Father
I have made known to you.
John 15:15
"You did not choose Me but I
chose you, and appointed you
that you would go and bear fruit,
and {that} your fruit would
remain, so that whatever you ask
of the Father in My name He
may give to you.
John 15:16.
"This I command you, that you
love one another.
John 15:17
THREE KINDS OF LOVE:
1. AGAPE - UNMERITED LOVE
AGAPE IS THE LOVE A
MOTHER HAS FOR HER NEW
BORN CHILD
"Can a woman forget her
nursing child And have no
compassion on the son of her
womb? Even these may
forget, but I will not forget you.
Isaiah 49:15
It is the love that motivates
God to provide for everyone
on the planet no matter what
their spiritual condition is.
"But I say to you, love your
enemies and pray for those who
persecute you,
Matthew 5:44
so that you may be sons of your
Father who is in heaven; for He
causes His sun to rise on the evil
and the good, and sends rain on
the righteous and the
unrighteous.
Matthew 5:45
It is the love that filled God’s
heart when He sent His own
Son to die for us even when
we were His enemies.
For if while we were enemies we
were reconciled to God through
the death of His Son, much
more, having been reconciled,
we shall be saved by His life.
Romans 5:10
TO BE GIVEN, AGAPE
REQUIRES ONLY ONE
PERSON.
EVEN IF IT IS NEVER
RETURNED IT IS STILL LOVE.
AGAPE - IN ALL ITS WONDER -
DOES NOT CREATE A
RELATIONSHIP.
AGAPE MUST BE GIVEN TO
CREATE A FRIENDSHIP.
BUT AGAPE DOES NOT
CAUSE A FRIENDSHIP.
THE GREEK WORD FOR
FRIENDSHIP IS PHILEO.
THREE KINDS OF LOVE:
1. AGAPE - UNMERITED LOVE

2. PHILEO - THE MUTUAL

LOVE THAT EXISTS BETWEEN
TRUE FRIENDS
AGAPE IS THE FOUNDATION
OF PHILEO THEREFORE IT IS
THE GREATER LOVE.
AGAPE IS THE INVITATION TO
PHILEO.
BUT AGAPE’S DESIRED END
IS PHILEO.
THE DESIRE OF GOD’S
HEART WHEN HE SENT HIS
ONLY SON TO DIE FOR US
WAS THAT WE WOULD
RETURN HIS LOVE.
HE LOVES (AGAPE) US EVEN
IF WE DON’T LOVE HIM.
THE RETURNING OF THAT
LOVE OPENS THE DOOR TO
FRIENDSHIP (PHILEO) WITH
HIM.
. . . AND ABRAHAM BELIEVED
GOD, AND IT WAS RECKONED
TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS,"
friend
and he was called the
of God.
James 2:23
And God’s intention is that the same
love He has (Agape) would be
shared and result in friendship
(Phileo) between us.
"This is My commandment, that you
love (agapao) one another, just as
I have loved (agapao) you.

John 15:12
"Greater love (agapao) has no one
than this, that one lay down his life
for his friends (philos).
John 15:13
"You are My friends (philos) if you
do what I command you.
John 15:14
"No longer do I call you slaves, for
the slave does not know what his
master is doing; but I have called
you friends (philos) , . . . .
John 15:15
PHILEO DESCRIBES THE LOVE
OF PEOPLE WHO NOT ONLY ARE
THE OBJECTS OF LOVE (AGAPE)
BUT RESPOND TO BEING LOVED
BY LOVING IN RETURN.
WE ARE TO LOVE (AGAPE)
EVERYONE - INCLUDING OUR
ENEMIES.
WE MUST NOT - ACTUALLY
CANNOT - LOVE (PHILEO)
ANYONE WHO DOES NOT LOVE
(PHILEO) US IN RETURN.
THIS IS BECAUSE PHILEO
DESCRIBES A RELATIONSHIP
AND NOT A CONDITION OF THE
HEART.
WE PUT OURSELVES IN GREAT
DANGER SPIRITUALLY,
EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY
WHEN WE BELIEVE WE HAVE A
FRIENDSHIP (PHILEO) WITH THOSE
WHO DO NOT YET SHARE THAT
FRIENDSHIP (PHILEO) WITH US.
THIS IS BECAUSE PHILEO IS A
CONVENANT LOVE BASED ON
MUTUAL COMMITMENT.
IT REQUIRES TWO HEARTS WHO
AGAPE EACH OTHER.
WHEN GOD TELLS US TO LOVE
EVERYONE HE IS NOT TELLING
US WE ARE TO EXTEND THE
COVENANT OF FRIENDSHIP TO
EVERYONE.
TO AGAPE IS NEVER WRONG.
TO GIVE TO OTHERS WHAT IS
TO BE ONLY GIVEN WHEN
PHILEO EXISTS ALWAYS
DAMAGES BOTH PEOPLE.
THREE KINDS OF LOVE:
1. AGAPE - UNMERITED LOVE

2. PHILEO - THE MUTUAL LOVE THAT

EXISTS BETWEEN TRUE FRIENDS

3. EROS - THE EXCLUSIVE

LOVE OF ONE MAN AND ONE
WOMAN IN THE COVENANT
OF MARRIAGE
EROS IS SEXUAL LOVE.
EROS IS TO BE EXPRESSED
ONLY IN THE EXCLUSIVE
LOVE OF ONE MAN AND ONE
WOMAN IN THE COVENANT
OF MARRIAGE.
For Eros to find its fullest
expression it must be founded on
Agape for each partner must love
(Agape) the other in spite of their
failings.
Eros must also be based on
Phileo for both must give and
receive the gift of friendship to be
a mutual relationship.
And Eros must be exclusive.
Sexuality practiced without
faithfulness is exceedingly selfish
and destroys both friendship and
love.
Eros is only for this life.
"For in the resurrection
they neither marry nor are
given in marriage, but are
like angels in heaven.
Matthew 22:30
It becomes clear what we
are saying about Phileo
when we look at Eros.
Like Phileo, Eros is meant
to be exclusive.
When we love (eros) more
than one person that love
(eros) becomes defiled
and perverted.
The good that God intends
to grow out of Eros
becomes one of the worst
evils when it is not
exclusively shared.
Only a person seeking to
justify his or her sin would
claim that because the
Bible teaches to love
everyone they are free to
have sex with anyone.
So it is with Phileo. We are
not to Phileo everyone.
God Himself loves (Agape)
everyone. But He is not
“friends” (Phileo) with
everyone.
Listen to these sentences
carefully and you can see
how easily we can become
confused or even deceived
by our language:
1. We are to love everyone.

2. We must not love everyone.

3. We are to love only one person.

We are to love
everyone.
We must not
love everyone.
We are to love
only one
person.
When we put the proper
definition of the word love
in context we see the truth:
1. We are to love everyone.

We are to have a heart of

compassion and mercy (Agape)
for everyone no matter how they
act towards us.
2. We must not love everyone.

We must not consider everyone

as friends whom we can commit
our lives in mutual care and trust.
3. We are to love only one
person.

We are to share sexual love only

with our marriage covenant
partner.
Friendships are one of
the most important
influencers of behaviour
in our lives.
A godly friendship is
really the only true
friendships we are to
have.
Do not be bound together
with unbelievers; for what
partnership have
righteousness and
lawlessness, or what
fellowship has light with
darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14
Or what harmony has Christ
with Belial, or what has a
believer in common with an
unbeliever?
2 Corinthians 6:15
Every study regarding
behaviour indicates who
are friends are will be
who we become.
So how do we find and
maintain godly
friendships?
The primary thing a
godly friendship does is
lead us to a deeper
relationship with God.
In evaluating a
friendship we need to
ask, “Does my
relationship with this
person lead me closer
to God and following His
desires or farther
Do you ever talk about
God with your friend?
Do you ever pray to
God with your friend?
Do you ever share the
things that God is
teaching you or
teaching them with your
friend?
Do you ever share
ministry with your
friend?
If not then it is not yet
a godly friendship.
While this is important
for our non-romantic
friendships it is vital for
our romantic ones.
The beauty of romance
will quickly fade without
friendship.
But the beauty of a
godly friendship
especially in marriage
will grow with each new
day.
The first thing we must do
is to recognize what I have
said before. True godly
friendships are mutual
relationships.
The are not based on
narcissism.
Before we can have a
godly friend we must be a
godly friend.
We must first of all have
our self-esteem needs met
by God before we can ever
be a true friend to others. 
Until we have released others
from the stranglehold of
expectations to meet our
needs we cannot be a godly
friend.
When we find God as the one
who meets all our needs and
our only life giver we can then
be simply kind to others
without either falling
into servitude or manipulation.
Then we can love like
Jesus did. No narcissism.
No strings attached.
I choose to not use the
word love so much when
talking about friendship.
The word I like to use for
this love is kindness. True
Friends are kind to each
other. This is the
foundation of a godly
friendship.
If you are in a relationship
with someone and you or
they are not kind it is not a
friendship.
Thinking that it is
friendship will lead you to
an abusive or codependent
relationship.
I have found most people
understand what kindness is.
They don’t mistake it for
meeting their own needs from
others or in the case of
romantic relationships they
see it as different than
romantic feelings.
When I share this with
those who say they
"love" but mistreat their
friends they often admit
that they do not feel
kindness toward them.
Being kind to each other
is the only way to build
a godly friendship.
Until there is mutual
kindness we are not yet
godly friends.
Until we know we have
a godly friendship we
are to give Agape –
caring without
expectations or a
covenant commitment.
Look for kindness to see
which relationships
could become or
already are godly
friendships.
While there are many
more aspects to
consider in building
godly friendships the
last I want to consider
today is respect.
Again most people
know when they are
respected. They may
not be as clear if they
are “loved” or not.
Respect is crucial to all
relationships but
especially to friendships.
In a major study on the
indicators of success or
failure in marriage the
researchers found a
very interesting
unmistakable clue to a
soon coming divorce.
They found a direct
correlation between
people rolling their eyes
in a despising gesture
when they were talking
with their spouse.
When one spouse
exhibited this behaviour
they always ended up
divorcing their spouse
within six months.
What does that
behaviour mean? It is
an act of deep
disrespect.
To respect someone
means we value them
for more than the
meeting of our ego
needs.
It means we see them
as uniquely valuable
beyond what they can
do for us or their
likeness to our own
identity.
I ask people to honestly
answer the question,
“Do I respect this
person?, Do they
respect me?”
“Do I trust them?, Do
they trust me?”
“Do I feel valued by
them for more than
what I give them? Do I
feel the same for
them?”
“Do they take an
interest in my life as a
whole? Do I do the
same for them?”
“Do they take time to
involve themselves in
my life outside of their
own interests? Do I do
the same for them?”
It is not wrong to say
no to any of these
questions. But it is
wrong to commit
ourselves in friendship
when the answers are
not yes.