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The Winner"s Triangle Acey Chlly

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be used ill analyze the: stw'y Hne of a lUe script; and in more current llsage. the loIes of p~)'j;"il.fitugicalgameEi. The corners of l"?th the, Karpman Drama Triangle and the Wmoor's, T riangle 5nare Common features, Row,Bver J f'!lC'1iI Corner of the Drama Triangle in ... o!vers, a dlsoouol, and the diseeunt is an ffivimtWn to a ps:yeholl1gieal game. The Winner' s l'r.1.anJle ',;:"liminatEs the diseounts and allows the :sub.~e{;! La furtctiun autonomously.

Tb~ \¥ioner's TJiapgle ~ a useful and easi-, i, taught &DuUwsi_to the Karpmau Drama Triangle (Karpmaa. 1968), eUmlnates dte ,dlst."lIlUlU inhereDt .11 the th_rte ro)\f::ll of tilt D'NlmH Triangle. ond I"'eplaces each '~Nith B spedfic ~'kiD 1'oJ· game--fret: relatmg. 'I'~ article details ream es of the roles 01 both triangles and pt'Qvides su gge'Stiomc for developing sldlls tC)r funL'tiI;uHog [rom Md'l conrer of the- ''YinDef'~ Trisn1!le.

I seful dimc:a1 ,blppl]a.dions of theory. 1 ike J;oou. recipes, gCi passed from practlnoner to practiuoner, and in the process their ftriglQ can !oil ome cbseu re, Tbe concept of rile ~'i1UWr' ~ Trn~l1g.ie.. whi h ha~ been c,·ircwatWgfUHollg s- III I': l'\lJ..'iirnHafJ Til pi~acti{jooor5. appears to, nil'll!:, some reoes I,n QollP,rride by Cowper Jo} nSICr! in tbe infort:'lli:l1 newsletter: Transacnons. en!] tIed,' ,,\nother U SCi for tile Karpman J"rian.gle. ,j' Cowper JOiltl80P ar~tSs. tlnI1!. pt'JipJe funC1100tng within dOle Drama Trial'lglt: (Ksrpmsn. 1 g(,s~' aI.terrum: between (\\IU corners snd avoid me third. ,:;;sr-aptng from the Drama Triangle lJ1YolVt"S awareness, nf the personal sigruficance of the third Gomer aoo practice m [he skills necessary to dea) wire it

I have .)aborlit.oo on this original concept (l£j{l de'lle~opt'd what I helfe~,Je tn be ~ fail-sate alterM'V fo re];illng from the Drama rlangle The Vhmler". Triangle incorporates practical skills f) am ree ehnn~ and can b ilIuftIl'ate.d quickl)' in clinica) situations .. h can Dt .. .appJIt~d. whe ever interpersonal skiUs an. lmplnis1Lt:(I, sucb U5 tJ1J\rUng. malliigcul\ 11t, and dE'alill[!, W;Ul hospital pltuenL". colleagues, and the puhli '.

The K'ilrp1lHW Drau'Vt Triangle (Kaqnuag. 1 68, I ~71, I uernonSl..rdtrd ~mw dramatic f ,kf:f..- Vil; rrn, l'eSCllCr. and Persecutor -C':Ul

Victim ole 'n the Dram, Tri~e

.!alitl Cr1mp·v~rI oflhe Yicrmf PosiriorJ PerSODS who irriu.ate a gouJJe from the Viedm polii~ tlr;'ln acctlTately realize tna1 'they are S'lIfrering.

DiscID fa .fTON'f ~}IIZ Vial1'l PO'1iEitJU . ictin1':i! act as i'I1he) do nor have the reseurces to solve (heir pmblc-~. as ilf the reacerees must come from oueside, ,a,nd. a.~, if t.hc:y cen feel OK amy if omeone else either cbanges Of does something, In esses of 8'et!uiftc cata:strop'iu~ (e.g.. bcingpmned wilder a boulder in an eartf1t~ quake, this is ttue. ID grunt! :situmrom 'there is "to substance to. the unpHcation that ~he Victim, lacks the resources t, solve the problem.

Chal'(lCler.ll.1.ic.'1 oj Vi..'":'li.JI"I B'e'taVior. Vicurns d ~ mJ ~JSC clear hinklngead problem-solving skills and may believe therr n~dines~ .and' !arong feelings prevenr them from bcing able ro do so. They d iscoant weir ab ility to thinl and (re] aL ID;?' same lime.

&i1n~(Jlt!l' of Vlt:tim lkhnvwr; missing EtS'sugnrn~m desdhnes; .ominuh\'il to live in VU)}'l!nt relationships: being [ too scared' to cClRffOn\ sorn eone ho i~ over .aring· I taintaining at une cannot 00 ha.pPJ Wlhl a "'POnSf stops some I~b . vior hka drinkin,g chewing . oud1~t. coc.

Rueutr Role ill tht: Drama Triangle

.. a.nd CQn~p(i"nf.'!m q! R~.r("u!.t'r PO,\'hitm Rescuers rescue III Of ler to meet their own need to feel SU\lt"riI.H" Or to convmce lh~nlsd ves lht "!

PERseCUTOR

Raaffty

Acl .!tl vwn In1:I:IiG'it;Jt; e.IWiUI1M!JQS at Pet1ilUUlrG Otllm suffer eli accgllJIl at theft

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rake Jtf the t'hln{(lng 1IRd probl.em ~oMng

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Do thing!! 'ih ey dt:! !tOt \Ill lilt 'itij do

The \l'ictrm C'OIlml'l1 SONit ,l11sftlef r;onblem

y (\ilCIJrn)

VICTIM

Reality

'SUlf{frlnQDr llaenti'alt:y SIJ rillrtrllJ CIl,ilJOtmri'ili~ (ij llidims

Ad as if th~}'dl) 001 I'!a'ii~ ke fl1lSIl,urUs III so!V!i mt!lf prdo1llffi (or somtlllrl eI~ trit5 ill cI aI1Qe fe', Ihfm to hi; "aWl ~

Act as it Itie:r i'IOOdm~S5J Is :;n BClJl€ ,t jli t!1,o!MIS . th!aw fr&m S01YiF1!1 ~b.j£lma !do 11'01 flthli< Wid (·c!lJ ~ mil ~J'l)iP, tjmEJ~

00 fIN trse Mu'l ego ,,1~9 'W thinking iH!fl prOWe,f'I'iI soi'Arm

D~ffi'I'i

I C$1i 't lioWi: this

FI{)ur 1 Drama T Isngle

re t K; hmore'¥ct, liJO~l k'1'.':!ll:ul:n arr genuinely cnlCerneci .about (he Vl(,l1m'~ ptighl

lh.'j,ffmnl from the Resc,IIt'T Posinon, ReSCuerli ~XpfC.\.1\ I.tldr eonccrn fur till" Victim by I.ij:king "'Ie-I the thinking and prublern 1\{1tVa ng ihu .. d.iA;{'Iu~1hmg H e ViI.·t_lm \. ,lbllily III ~j \e~ .. tht:: 'litu..Itirm, I J~L ;.lpp ~p lU~e acuon, and ;j k fm It .111 iF nct~kd

{Ju;f(lt If'n..H'U';:. II} It "5['1"" n hm'i"f, Clrduk 511.:uI -. 0974, ~9~4) po]nlt] uut thnt ,R.eQ;.Ilcr~ (;llht.r ~ do somel:hing mey do !I1l1t 'Wan1 to du tJl b) lio mnrc 'hmJ 1bcJ~ ';b.ui? rolt!!ll mm·,1." \l~ 'hI l I m~ 11Ig) ~1~JEft.r hi' fht,:r ,,,~~~~(;'d:"i lhHI

Rc.-.:C'umg to.\'olve~ WlIC'(lU.nril1J! ne S 01\\11

awan . .:r:tCS'i uf wh.ut 1;)11C wanrs :md f,JISD nUl be m~ clear "Im~u whl~l jl'l '"l f:l.Il' (1)I;J]"~ootJCln of o rc~ti,mattip'!> burdens" ~St~~jncr. 191"t.+. p 17~)

E. w"lIIe.:r ,4 H,..:,'·'Hr'( IJd'hU i ~r gi v ll~~ L lIn "I( i,rl" h l hi ulents ll; 110 U J s Ie lure .. , hu~ Ill" l'qluplil om fhr ~1ff \ ~ltl lin 1 'K 1'8 ~ 1 .,n lr lI.lil( l: whw. t.!. Uj .. 'u.il..'!l..L ~IJ In,' cluth t;"ilut..ln'l

~11J1~'i.a (_'h!.tlmg {u '-Cl wluu rl • du.ldrrn wmu, an::t'I~L'l~ uu:~ '.Jn~ pi:1 ~....,u ~~I u I l>L'LU"i:: ! I I (t'li tltnnlhl'{ thal ,I.;h.: I.~ lmposHll,4 UHC'.l .ll:\oiC"t"JI'£ I I \1..1 Ijll~ h·lhl!~ j '~I Itll" Url>.l i f"'LI~~·'" ~httll'

.I\CID' CW::.JY

GARING

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CtmaC"llJltn~s 01 V I1~Ul Peag1e

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PmI.'tlem SIlJI/~ Sfllf-i:i'~.I5:'la1>5

frgure 2 Wiol'ler'.s Trlafl91e

Pertrealwt' Roll! m dw Drama Triangle' V~li€l Component of the Perseosor PfJ3i1ion. . Persecutors an" mVe5.'I.ed In .s.mist;fug their ,Q\\In needs tim actiJ~1 in lil£if own iroBre.!;;ts. ..

DL"couJ'u jrt:NN the Pers,;cuJOI' P&invn.

Persecurors behave in web a "' ay thal otrtt:rs are inron"J~nieoced ('lor suffer. ilius disc,()onti~~ me kclin~ snd IDiportancc 0 the ~0n5 who arc aff~ted beuLuse of welraotiot::lS.

ClwJ"aC1emtics f'lf Persecatar BehaVior.

I'I! rsec'UlO!I'li ,caR 00 active, reta1ia1ory. or passive. Iktivt" P~rsej.1M.DTl use their energy ~n me servk'C (If gert:i.ng tireir own needs mer. Wfllch j iluJdabt· bin tbt"Y .u.'1e i( in ",-aY5 that discoun others E.mnpl~ n,f active perseeieor bd:uw1or UK' I ude borrowing someone' ~ jacket without

42

asking so that the 0_ person ~y finds: ir is miWng. Snell behavior abuoot aJ~ provo.kes the Victim h) switch to' reWl1mioo .

Reral'imory P;usecUlvrs Jlave in part the aim of punishing, and experieacmg triumph. However, subjectively tb.ey OU'~ likel!l' to believe Iha\ they are simply acting In gel IDciJr needs met. E.·umpks of such benu,vior in ~ude. deahn.g with no-ise from a .ne~ghooTrs ~. by phoning the police witboul infmming the neigbbCir tmt me noise WdS di..nublng run! asking that it be fW"lL'OO down .. Stich 1m tiari~ are r.rrely eHectIve becwse part of the energy is tied up' nonailU.lunooi.{),usly in punishmtfJl and revenge. (old, unfim IlliJ business) wluch. se.t~ the stage for gc.ttmg *hern-::.ehrt.;S ~ted. again in lhe next ~Ull

bwjt:dJI. ill !;Idditinn. RetiIlliil<WIQ P~UT1,)n;. a:~ :ct;1A: the dil;o::mrH that th:e} can OIDlj' ~ OK If the-y ,gCl'~ 'ro¥~tl!;le {'. £ tMl'1 ~e't the mnker gel 3Wll~! \lri:~ lh~W').

PQ5JrtJlt ,P'grs,f'cltt'ar.r [~sa(:Uite ~ defllult ~;5hm~1 it! Il(}{ rtec~rib' p:s:rt of their in![eonl, !Jm th.e,)! !I.r;; '/oIi' Hi !og 1Y di&ro\!JO ~ Q LbI!!Ft at a l ~\;'e! tih'lJ re;slllts h1 Eitdfe.ntl£; for ~Ia,e: emers, Examric!1 Df &Jch IOOhaV~l]r .lfldw;tjc a~,pollSil Whd) ilgfuru; W ~»'e th~ ~I!:.d Olilt of ~~ t~r llOO tbtg.t:U1 !IifI!Il.a, beullh care wG~«'r 50 u~ by 8 pe1'lSfClmd cri.U:1lI !:bal h~.~ 'i\\lOlr.K8 care1e~s1y. rn.1.I,S cauiiJ'lI;; ~rh,,"n: ruuiCilJ' and wurry.

Smlclttfi on ~b:e D~ 'Jrd_nglc

I1<lJIo':in.,g (l,[JM;J[o!tlJ a psyehol(}g~tal ,g;~m~ from one (}f me !hr~ p<!'s~tiom rCl~1 W e D-r:arna Tri~:rJiS~e. as K1!!rplfiilrl (1968) pained oet, the giil.rn~ plf(lp~e.~· (n ~Hl[; h a way that lium\!,jd~~ais " ,""~ ~r.cll " tn .ocher r(.l~ en the t:rla~!~i;;;," P!I;)f mi >. H.QlIPle .R~~~~, wbo geE Li'r.s,d of ~mtLngn,l~l: and not gottlng roo.ir own fileOOsmet beg],fl fed· iRg ~'k:l[miZOO tbcltm,ives 'Uld nmdl_y eod1tJ;' persecuung lhe ViC'um WId! iHJpatiencc. DJ j V!C~ilns gct tired of bdn!;\ parromzed 0IDd 1-.ct'1- jag mattt'fs are oiu or thelf cootrol lanll mc1- tl-,c~ \I r:l~y managed fJJ ~l) ana SWl ro p.ctS~uLe llJe Rnt~uer. ()r,,~(,)c1Jll~1'i1 move into R:e&C'.ti,~(· Uecnuse me)' j[~gujj ly fOoT b~g sn awfui (H' In.to, VlclJom 1~ec:aIil1:~ lJeC1JI'Je 8le;~ hmrl af OcIJ1g r.'lrek 'V~Olhn' and ~lw" uctiycly by Ijt:iI~~, Jla~,ty urp!lfSl~:iVB1y byavokJ1iin;~ 02 no! rnaling (tlIl!::UJ, f.NC<JwJin,g nh3 Jlc~to.l" f(£lm

inOOIOCY)· _

CmLS~qlJe:[JJly. IIU pJayers ,CflQl Up .kt:Ung l:mn~)" SOOner or km:r .!YW gllean M OppamtOl~ ~ m mutter :thci r favcdt\e "it oni>,go~~to shu-w , , ,'., i.uiding &e!hbrown sta.mpli so tJ;q,e;jr eelIt.\CtiOTh~ t&riu:::,. 191:2), HOWIWCf. by l'w!J!'C.h:L.n,g 'r'~ the mle.~ and .d:ill:51 oHl:le Wi.mner'~ T:riangl~, dt1lroh~['jJiJ!g reaiiCS 3l'Id t:hen~ ~iij]HOi. be 2. gam.; or ill game payoff

V1llnerableRole Dh fhe WlnIllIH'~!i TrW.ult~ R~/lry, Uk-e Victim.s. vlJ1nt'.rabJI: people re:ahIH! they are :s~ffering or have a problem which bas lihe pDternli!l! to GIIus"'Muffenng.

Chgr:aclt!riJJ1iicIJM VII In fflil bl,!, 1'.t.·opJ(I.

VuJ,nua'Me peop.l~ differ m',m Vh::tUni'i tIl' wal ~if:Y m{,U]lIl'!j1J'acC{~Jj:i do AduH log-it: al1Cil anga,~ JI1 pmb~~ .. m !iol:\I'ing. UIli:ng tlae:h' ell-pacity £0;; !'i WHft;:lle!i~ to lUIlie m lID mew feellil~ ,~ a. ~mm::e Ll f dt'tUt aom,,l1 flII(}t:.i:.~SllJry ChfUlge.<;, 'They ifJl.mw

'tJtRl O)q ,cali! 1thiinJ.,;, ~Ind {eel at the ~e ti:.ll:!:, lolheooUl.r~ uf ~nDIDm~;o~.ring mey~y mC:iude GlH.lO:lli Qre:lr options ;~kIDg .fur h~,lp" reso.uf'cCe~,tElad ![~pcn. knowivr!;g' ilia't if1!hr;;'(p~ir~ ooolhe}' a-sk S,fij)'!l; • .:Iii;!J. " 'd:H'::Y wm exp1ol'1.'; o~r

!lvenues for gettin~ &Jar need CII1.';:rc. .

SkiJJ Nt!(;1t~d _ ·rll'i:t i>fd U rreeded fliE m'e vulnerable COilU!1i or lbe WiIlOJev"s Tti$!ngle Is lb~ abilli:y to l1iWleJitJ soh',;;,

C9ll!"i:nI Role ~n tfue 'Wmnel')~ 'rl'M9lUigle Jieatity, 'file crnrmg pen~}I" 1iit~ lOOs{ ,l:ese'U~.rs ~ 15, moli¥ai:t:d by ,J get1l:L! ine oonce:m IOl the: \I'tllMT~bje peJ~ .

Ou.lf:lflCiemlie5 Df Cmin.g P(!ppJe. Carrng people differ from Rescueno in that me)' r~,,",::;' th!e VlllrK:rable person's ablhty to lIunk, p.r(I1g~ leru iioivt;, fIllrl cIlsk for wba~he OJ !lne w,aJ\lt~, l1u:,v do !'JOl 'iakl: [i'.tt::i'" liJI1m;s. ubked and umBSS l1li~Y .Ill e wilJIDg. If tlJey "Ire Wmq.ng" lh.e.y rna 1'1 o'.i'fcr U} assise in t:lJ p~ rtic uls'f !,~dlty. BecalJse UlUTil'lg ilMP]f;, oolike Rescuers. >eli) HOI do WIJ]~ Uk, d(~ nat W.IDl b I do" Grill:llg pelt1plE' cse !hclr capfl.Ci(J f.ov aW!1re~:;. K; monitor ~belf GkU fll.'elj;:' am.! leeling». Thts <illlJv;.'" them u) decide respamLbIy whedn.·" (It I'lO! 111!eY are .....,lhng to be jlvailabl:.e to ~ '!r'uJnelllbi l; pe:f:!iiSl:j ~n.fl pllrtkuiar capaCiLY. if me::." 00 no~ wam to b~ Bvaihl,!:I.lc. ~ ll::s,'iCrtivcJ'0, drot±oi;l·wj!Jt~rml

l.Lt. 'rtij.£ "!p1!.I:t'fiIl,r, Q'~~",~lf :ni!"st" , l;l.iJ'C'tM,;"t,\It';1'111I ;Uu'5l pl"t·-l!W~. ,ivb11ctr, a1.mos'[ ~i:\WiI;y:5 ,S!~ IIp iil ~wUCJlIW Pe.fllCCIJWl, (f q,ne dOGS not have a fuera-pyOO'nhct, me ttro'it -.r;ti]~safe W;i1,Y ItO be !l.·lai1u.~~" 'n!Is.efully to a V~~m~rnb.]e. p~UfiL,. wlth(H~t. i&UC:utngi if;;b;y e.mplO1in~ classic I ~SIOOing slolls.

SJ;mNi;~d. T~ ~k.i 11 needed illf 'the .cElrirI~ corner of tbe 'Wimer"s Trian~t~,:iI. lis-remO'g ~kill,

ru9S:l"tive Itok on. th~ Wlinnees 1'ri1ln!l:~.e:

Rf!ialf.ry" A sserti V[ peogre~ like a c~i vc Persecutors, usc thd r ene'.f gy t ('J gd (he IT' e W n needs rrtCt and 10 ,1tid up [or their nghts, However, unlike PW'!>eculors, tnflY ll:s.';e no i111 te:rcs~ in using thei,r ene fgy tu punish.

Chtli"Qrtell#fir; Gf-4.~;'I!;im\,~ Peopte, Ghanili is! ;;i!;lflt:KHutl t('I1 haw said 'tim;' ,the lmporu.n~ thing a~ld, [jghring is whdber you 5,ght to ChW'lge Llungs or whethw }'on t1ghT ~:o punii':h. Asseru 'II~ poop!e. u~e WlU~!ttC IIJI! :invf:S:u ~m!r!!i' 100 dl&llge lh.1.D~ In !Jr(j,!~r ~o .lILC.lJ i'l!'iH~ tiH:ir- rJ g flU •• Tbc)l ccogn11t: (I:mt IJ!1l;1.khlg: as&~Thv~ .. 'hl'H~gt:s

ACEY CHOY

can cause distress to people whose plans depended on the ~tu~ ~UO. The)' ~o ~?t relish till suffering by lWl.stmg the knife. nor do they Rescue the sufferer by giving in on some of their rights to "ease the blow." They see negOtla.tion as pan of the problem-solvingprocess in ma)(imi7.1Ilg the need." j hey can get met in a particular situation.

Skill Needed. The skill needed 8:l the assertive corner of the Winner's Triangle is asset .. (ion skill.

Problem-Soh'ing Skin., for tbe Vulnerable Person

AllY technique that vulnerable peopk can use to ge{ themselves thinking about options and consequences 1S valuahle. Among. the followmg collecuon of ideas some can be self-help initiative . ouiers are merapeuric teenniques suitable for groups and individual work where there i~ J. therapy contract. and sull others ,ITt': l'.UIIPl) ,10nre!)CUlIlg invrtauons to problem solve which 1.:iiI1 be offered wnhm I'}f outside (1j th rHp)' b~ t..Jri ng therapists fnt'nd~. and family,

Self Help lnuiauv es:

(l ) Formal problem-solving tomlulae. Gaining mastery of formal problem-solving formulse ourtrned in prom, ions uch as management and nursing (e.g ... assess, plan. implernent, evatuater,

(2) Brainstorming+uncensored pooling of Child and Adult. thougbts, ideas, and options followed by Adult evaluation and selection of workable options. Brainstcrming can be dane solitaire, bu: it is more fun in a group.

(3) Consulting feelings. Uncomfortable feelings are a message to oneself about a need that , .... not resolved. Asking oneself, "\Vilm do 1 fee! in this situsnon? What is this feeling dlmg

?" me.

t4) Data-collecting assignments. Deliberately setting our to find infcrmanon pertaining [0 the problem through reading, enrollmg in courses, etc.

Therapeutic techniques to lacilitafe problem sotving:

(II Guided raniasy about what O!~ needs, \l;;l~ would meet this need, and how to- achieve n.

(2) Suggestion Circle-subject outlines problen: and requests one option from each group member. thanking each for his or her contribu Lion. Ai. rh<.: end of the rounds the subject selects

one, outlining reasons (Clarke, 1982; Nordernan. 1981).

(3) Multiple Chairs ("Parts Party")-an awareness exercise that prompts the person to be aware of the contribution of each ego state to the problem and its solution (Stuntz, 1973).

(4) Two-chair work which clarifies conflicted feelings and yields data pertinent to problem solving.

(5) Placing the Child ego state on one's knee and interviewing her or rum about what the Child wants in this. situauon and what the Child tears du.me&. 1974).

16', Decoreamination and Parent shrinkers to fflClhta!i~ clear Adult thinking (Mart, Nichols, & Cantrell, 1915).

(7) Game plan to iUu~trate how one gets oneselt a bad: feeling and to promote rhin.k1ng of opu TIS to circumvent the payoff (James, 1973: Karpman, 1971)

(8) Redecisio v, ork to di x.ummission limllJ1lg earl;' ecisic '1& whi h. hinder tile USt,; of available upHom, (Goulding & Goulding. (979)

Nonrescutng Invitations (0 chink aruJ solve the problem mitable i71 nOflzhempy situations:

What. have you tried so far" How did that work? What do you think wan wrong? (right?) Whar will you do next? What do you predict ru. possible omCOlnes'1 How will you take care of yourself around any negative consequences?

I.Jstening Skm.s for the Caring PeI'S()ll.

It is important to differentiate between caring with a therapy contract. in which one is expected to use caring. nonrescuing, effective, depth techniques tor which one i bemg paid. and cann as a friend, colleague, cr f~lmily member, ·n ~'hi h C se (me does cot have a rnandate t.o .il) therapy ~md one is not: paid (Stei ier & Cassidy 19(9). Generally) in friendship if one puts 0l1.~ ill lime of need, a caring friend will reciprocate caring and upport, If litis does not happen, then one "carer' IS doing more than his or her share. and at an ulterior level the relationship is based on a . 'rescue" contract.

. Listening !i • .kil1!> as taught by the effectiveness trauung movement and oun ined in P. E. T. (Gordon, 1975) offer a good base for avoi<Ung rescuing. Such approaches emphasize tuning in empathically ttl the vulnerable person and reflectmg back the essence of whitt is said and

I

!.ih!i<' ulidedyung emoritfWill (;::Ollil:ellt til'1!. ~I[' fi-Sl ner cmJecU. :irttelPtetati{lQ and ,i!vlIilrulllO!l1 are a'l"oidt'.di. Lifol~mg ts mqOOtldy tile rudy ~11ng intcrl;~mion !e4Wn:li and lb "~1)' e,~ec. uve ab long as Ibe listener JstrWltwortby u.e., the ',u111er,~!:ile, per~(p'sdjscli'Jsutea: ~ treated w1th ifeSpc~) amlliincetC (l.e. ~ the i1sWfler '1:1 §emilil~ WW sclf..disc~!1, lboill bow bte ~ she is affe\;I>ed by rJJ:e s.perurer s. statements,. SlJIch lis.U:ning {s Ii dl!lpl~ rratl8!Wliop invol vtng me j ;s.lt'J1 ·t'iS NunurJing Psrent lll'uiAduJt and the. ~Pt'!tkdT'~ .Chi~d, and j\.~ult .

One consequence of hS[!!'nJflg 1 th.al t.r~~n; experience their feeTings as honored, ~o· disctllmted ThiH allow' the ~eaktr's Chlld ego state to h~[ &C! of lts desperation. The spea:~ t does not hav~ to ~scalaJc f'etlHt1~ orlghatwn JJl order to have tl'l e probkrn scknuwledged and tf> {hUl; more hk~!jr to ;:,t1,;','eSS Adoh. If ihe carin£. P(fSCl~ has estaoitsht.:d clea, ootact w·lJ1 the ~l!Ilrrcrah!e. person's AdlJJi .ludgmcm, :.:id jlluc:rs ill lish.'n~ng '!:Un be utr'Grpclru.ted, such is, . (1) 1nVJtatiotUt (0 problem soh'iug isee prl!;.VlOUl'I section).

c:n Offen;: af "pte,.:Hic pracucal .;ud as long as rue caring person is not uClmg sowethJng be or ~h~ ooes fitlt w>.Inr 1\0 dn. Fur example, "J understand thai },(')\J eire lid goIng home to an ~c'1lJPl)' JlOlil~, J'rn wnJiog m olfer Yfflll my spare bed.f oom V yau !i'i'oulcf .Uk,.: to str'l}' wiili UlLl U ntil me enduf tflc wi!eke~.·'

(3, F~ck in oIICCOfdIlllCC ..... ith me coo lroa;mtio(w rules W'ld lJrf!'C'I1urians. iaid dow~ by WI!lS8 ! 19n) if yo.l:l dtiuktb~ oil ;person yOLl' esre aboot is dilscourmng at a .1i1:vej; tlmt is setf-<ilesm~('t;~'e Thi~ caring :mervenrion IS also rescue ,1I1r' mat gel ,rb' <'~rirtg pt'1'Wn pen;Cc.'UlOO if W:::w.''!it pn~c.~·I.Hioll~. are not fotlmved. W~:.Ji.,j, <la'l'()l~~IC.:o pmrm,li1. more eR~rgy uno cnnfronting am)ftl~f s problem !ban the VIlle} 1'5 PlllAinlt l11TQ r;;nhlJng 11 when ftlJ the~ i!a suHiciecI l l-hl to _ om 'on~ to w.;u-rant $lJt:n a step; tb} mere b ~l],dJH. i~l1t iP!'ott'I:C~ia'n {or aH panl.t!S. inch;xdiog YQUnl~H~ {c) you arc: clear (ibGut yom cwn gOlillJs in getling uwolved~ ~d) you ean teas nabl'y predict if posinve outcome, Glld (~\ you na 'e a plan in case me r.OOrronrll~D[)V dues not wmk Wbldl IJor~ nnt leave JUYlJfll! persecused

H) jniurmaLiulli, .1 f you ImO'il': t1tct~ ll~tuU1:Oru (to the vulf"·Jal1le persun s problem, rnr CX(if1.1·' pic, ' S. your ililtmrna j:; what 10 do With the kid;, whfl.:: YIlU go back 10 ';1,I(.;,n.. I happen t() bllw the li.brnry h{J.~ II. !lilt 'Ill' app:rfl" ... ·ed duld

I

~nj'V~ SkiDs.~ the .~i.\\'·e Pe:rroD.

AsscrtiveDQ;~ is about getfutg one's n.eed,') mel wirlmut puui.shln,g. This J'eqnjrc;s (8) ft$~-' tiftS t'iJr whnt yoo want. (b) saying "no,,~to wh~ you 00 rao{ want. (c) ,gjving feOO~r.k about beba\,'lOr tliw ill c.a.usnlg U tJl'O'hiem and eitpWnrug how U it> a ptoblem. {which [equir~ selfd'i.OClomJ aod~tinp: dearly \!'h!:Jt yon want Ithe per" 11 to do rufIeM'lt:Jy instead ()( expecrmg tum CIt her to read ylOW' WinEU. (4 negotiating a workable pLan with me uther pi:rSorl. aM (i}, if Ih~ orn~ ~ri}' l/.i om wiJbog to make cluwge'l, umg p111hlOOl-wl",ing sfdll's to de"lise l:I mcfund I gel1iIJ8 your needs mel even llwugh tile (Hiler parstm SUl)"S e.Qtafy me sarse,

,Ii. weakh of how-:I.cn iii avai1BbJ:e ii'J th o1IS~~ w:cne;.I and effec,ti\'ellt! ., l..ramiDg lil.e.ralllre . In additi .... ·n. A can lll1 '·r cogn rive mom: m 1t1lD5 of exanu ling actual nsacuons. Jill!< ill Ine:

James gm:ne plan i,James 1')13;. l'A mernpy CroJ fUMl'T facibtate ill£' assertweness process by de, ring uWlIY Unps1!Sf' Ibm I1mh B!S~\"e options. This would include, for rn~tsn('t~. euabbog someone b.l giVE: up H Be Pieasil"lg driver or to re-.;ll'!:l'lcle: JOOU\ OOD" Be hrnpol> 'I.fL1ll and nther tnJwlelion ... Ai ml! same time, Ibe tCiienl fe~lt;ir'\l.~~; 1l11PJKIrt in (lwlImg me llW",;:e Pi of pe.rmiMioo.. yp1'Ote(:tiorn. and p aern:y (c.rooSHtrul, 1966: Steiner" 1914) as he or she ~·c,rS thac n~w ·beha ViOfS ate sa e and OK. A. CUmilili:l of stJroOkmg, s~cceS'B C0t1soolidates d'm /].:;0\' Jslilrtl:ve DElIla,! rO'r

AL'e}' r.JIo.y 114.&., P7'S:fA, 'rtrarks pari-time as CSlRO Persono/ CmplJ,elt~'r, CSIRO SWUtCf"l\ iiuHrLlIUl. una nisa IU11 Q port-.ftmt. pnn:Jct. po-t;u.tl, .' Ptease send '('prmt r;rqU£'M;r; J(l Al'l'1' Oil II: 15 WlJ(Id\. .. ntc C!£, e . SJ. Ive«. ~\T.'i, W. "'(}75"'l~rtJlia.

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. 'o'i'rf!"r ld1Jr~lJ1. T Aoother uso ("f duo !;:.1fJ!llWI fnam1k. r Nm<f.>!dlfflU· ~ rfj r{ flu- Jill rlr~".. u{:if 1'1':1rI.f,wur"j<j.i ~,...J).'.ru Bmoill1 .~(3,

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JI1~ l. (1m'), lI:l~ p'-m~ );liilir1. r!I'Q:ILl1iJd'i1W~! ,.(i1tIl'yfir io!iltlcl. J~4); 14--17'

JoojC!., M, (~974), :i'~Jr fq')lin:mi ng~"l'halr\'< ,lIlrl ,~~. 'lJr;QlJJ"a"iDl'i(if Ai!{t:lI~is J.,~I., 4t~~" '~l--)91 lW'pl'nlo. s- (!9~a>. h1.l'1'IU5.;!:III[! ::;qlpt~.,tmOlI~. 1huiSlidlCl"al JiDil.i)~a BIIlJeljll, ?(2iii, 39-4J,.

K~mun, s.. 0911), OJ!Itim~ ThmS'tic{tf»lf.Ol'A1'I4~lt.!",r iW ml, -;9·37,

K .. :U;pm!H!, is. f 1913). i.9i:.! Eric B~ Memiltill1 &kmifh:

Aware ICC1U1'C In:uu-aaiQI~ Analysu- J~. J~1.), 1;,--76,

Moil';." .. L., Niclml ; 'l .• &: ClIDlrel'l. M. (1)07:51 .~ilIf,l!ll sb.rim:~n n!\'L-!.llerJi. Tmn.ll1rntm:ni .1!1.1:1'fy.U.f JG>t.rr.llli. ,. ? ~\l-:l ri]

Nmdmi:ulIl. M_ WJ&l). Tht >lUgutl:L'li'l i!!UQle 'm, ill tl'IerapWl"'1-t L~I. 'l'nrqmdlGtilil' ~1~~.Jwi'r!J4!; t t. 3l6-!Zi' ,

S1ell'lJ!'t Ie. (I tn4}, Script! pe.(Jplt liv.,·, N ~w YtlrJ;:;~ 'OiI'ov,e Pn;~j,.

:Srel.l.lfil" I C _. (It. Cn~, w. 0 %9), '1i"iiJ:npl:U'liQ ,~mT!ZaoIli Iii i!,I'OOp llUiWlm1I. T.~crio,;ll!"l:r ,Nl.t!'JY.lF$: if111leiiii, 8., 19-'ilL

SiCfller, C. ('9UI. ~iQM.I iiJ~cy. ~ICiMl' -A·JiIll J .t~~ i"~1 l6Z",r'71

~nt2, a. j 1971). Mlll!ii:pW etddn IIdmiquc.. ~JiM41 AlIUIll'lU ku:mat }~2.), »-!l.

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omt Inte ITAA-E·_A

ational nferenee

"Common Heritage and Cultural Perspectives 1 ~

l July 23-27, 1990 * Brussels, Belgium,

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