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MEG COX’S RITUAL NEWSLETTER

SPRING 2011: TECHNOLOGY & TRADITIONS

Hello, fellow ritual geeks! I’m sure that you’re finding all manner
of clever and fun ways to celebrate the luscious advent of spring.
It’s been awhile since I checked in, but I’ve begun working hard on
the revised/expanded edition of The Book of New Family Traditions and
I would love to get your input on part of my new research.
My editor and I have been discussing what types of new rituals
would be most valuable to parents, and we talked about how the biggest
change in family life since 2003, when the book came out, has to be the
explosion in technology.
The ubiquitous “smart” phones, iPads and the like have
revolutionized how people spend their time and how they relate to one
another. In addition, social media sites like MySpace and Facebook
provide new compelling venues for sharing and bragging. Phone
conferencing software like Skype that allows far-flung friends and
family to meet “face to face” is growing fast.
I use pretty much all of the above tools, and for the most part, they
have enhanced my family bonds: I have a regular Sunday phone chat
with my sister, but I because I post comments and news on Facebook
almost daily, she can take a quick peek whenever she has a moment and
see what’s new in my life. I also love that I’m FB friends with most of my
nieces and nephews, and this has given me a whole new window into
their lives (like visual proof of their tattoos). Indeed, it was directly
because my nephew in Cleveland, Stephen, got so caught up in sharing
family news on Facebook that we scheduled an actual family reunion
this June in North Carolina. Amazing.
But many aspects of this new tech tide worry me. I have seen first
hand that iPhones and the like are immediately addictive to very small
children: quicker than a pacifier or a favorite stuffed animal, they
distract a toddler or baby from the tantrum-in-process. Making them
addictive to Mommies and Daddies too.
When my son was a toddler and we were trying to avoid a
meltdown while waiting for food in a restaurant, we would play the
“yellow car” game, looking out the window to see who would spot a car
first in my son’s favorite color. Or we would read aloud from books we
had brought for that purpose. Whereas my stepdaughter, often but not
always, would pull out her iPhone in a similar situation, and let her 2-
year-old view an episode of her favorite animated TV show, the
Backyardigans.
I’m not faulting her: I would probably have used that tool as well,
had it been available when Max was that age. And The Backyardigans is
a charming show. I’m also happy to say that her daughter is read to
every day, and she engages in very active play with teachers, caregivers,
friends and parents.
But like many of you, I have sat in restaurants and watched
couples having dinner while looking only down -- into their mobile
devices. I do feel like the use of today’s tech tools is a bit of a slippery
slope, which leads to an isolating place. Just like with television, hand-
held video games and other devices, parents need to be intentional and
thoughtful and develop some in-house guidelines for their use.
I knew I wasn’t the only person worried about this when a friend
with young kids told me about a recent column by David Pogue, a
technology reporter for the New York Times. He wrote that his 6-year-
old was “addicted” to his iPad and how he was trying to solve the
problem, set limits and not let the device dominate family life. And he
asked readers to share their opinions and experiences: more than 900
of them posted comments online!
As you can tell, I’m not a purist on such issues, but a pragmatist
with priorities. My priority is that these devices don’t ever intrude on
authentic family interchanges and “sacred” times like dinners together,
which are pretty much daily at my house.
The flip side is how to be creative about using all this amazing
technology in ways that can actually be good for a family, finding
projects and rituals in which these tech tools create shared experiences
and record magical milestones. And so I am going to enlist all of you in
an active search for both stories and tech traditions, either in your
family or the families of others in your communities. Please spread this
message anyway you see fit, through your church or moms group,
blogger circle or online affinity listserve.
Here are the questions I’d love for people to answer:
1. Has technology mostly affected your family’s closeness in a
positive or negative way in recent years? Please explain.
2. If you have invented special rituals, serious or silly, that
employ smartphones, computers and other mobile devices
--what are they? Do you have Sunday night Wii bowling
tournaments in the family room? Do you program your cell
phones with the family ring tone and send certain coded
messages? Do you use your computer to create an enewsletter
for extended family? How did these traditions start? Will you
continue doing them?
3. Do you limit your children’s use of any of these technologies? If
yes, what are the parameters and have they fought these
limits? What is the effect of the limits on your family?

I’m really eager to hear how families are dealing with this major issue!
For those who want to read it, here is the link to David Pogue’s column
in the New York Times.
http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/24/a-parents-struggle-with-
a-childs-ipad-addiction/?emc=eta1

In a similar vein, here is a link to a recent article in the Wall Street


Journal by Michael Hsu, a new parent with similar concerns. The subtitle
of his story is: Can the iPhone be the ultimate parenting tool? Or is it just
a new-age pacifier
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB100014240527487046085045762089
13914470344.html#printMode

Stay tuned to this newsletter: I’ll share some of the replies I get to
these questions. Also, I will provide periodic reports on how the new
edition is shaping up. My publisher’s plan is to get the new edition into
stores next year, in time for Mother’s Day.
Celebrate joyfully!
Love, Meg

Read the fine print: The free e-newsletter is written by


journalist/author Meg Cox. Her books include The Heart of a Family,
The Book of New Family Traditions and The Quilter’s Catalog: A
Comprehensive Resource guide. To unsubscribe at any time, send a
blank message to Subscribers-Leave@megcox.com.To join the list, send
a message to Subscribers-Join@megcox.com. Learn more about Meg
Cox, her background and her books at www.megcox.com. Feel free to
share this newsletter with a friend.

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