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09-12-08 Sit Down, Shut Up, Behave

09-12-08 Sit Down, Shut Up, Behave

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Published by Merritt Patterson

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Published by: Merritt Patterson on Apr 12, 2011
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Sit Down, ShutUp,Behave ..

It's afootball game, not a party and thoseglasses aren't even yours
CaH me shallow,butexcluding the obvious (like family and friends), my Bvlgari sunMerritt glasses were Patterson my favorite thing on Earth, . my most prized possession. The pair was still stunning at 53 weeks post-purchase, and for that I loved them. They were the . kind of accessory that you could throw on with last night's jeans and dirty hair and still look very Parkie . on the soccer field. -But all of that came to a screeching halt at-the Scot's football game last' Friday night in a tragic event that led to me wearing $20 shades from Cotton Island today. Here's the deal, I've seen the e-mails that have gone out to parents asking them . to monitor their kids at the stadium. I've heard people _ whine and complain about. efforts making homemade the joint. posters and stapling them I'm sure we all agree that to telephone poles begging the kids could still have a . for the safe' return of my really 'fun time while sitglasses, I'm going to focus ting down. But I don't think on the bigger picture. they're going to decide Dear Parents of Kids, to do that on their own, I Running Wild at the Scots think we're going to have Games, make them do it. You know, Not only did one of your . like make it a rule 'that they fashion-forward kids steal have to be respectful of the my sunglasses, but accord- people around them. And ing to Chief Gary Adams of it wouldn't hurt to remind the University Park Police them that it's a football game, not a party because let's face it, if the entire event were a little less chaotic, I might be wearing my Bvlgaris today. illy This new, cheap pair presses on my temples and the throbbing is getting to me. So while I'm irritable, I'll also point out that at least 18 parents need an expanded that in the ridiculous push- Department, one of them list of rules that will carry ing and shoving required to made a taser out of a dis- over to the after-game dance maneuver from the lower posable camera and used it, ,at the high school. That's level that someone reached which required all sorts of where nine Scots received citations for minors in posemergency response. into my chic, yet. non-zipping bag and grabbed them. . And even without the session of alcohol. And by If I had been at a VanHalen taser incident or the sun- the way, if your kid was one the of those drinking that night, concert I'd understand that glasses catastrophe, . some creepy person stole kids are causing an unsafe would you mind rummaging through their stuff to see them, and I'd move on sadly. environment by blocking But since I was in the Park major stadium arteries and if they happen to have an expensive and outrageously Cities at a high school foot- loitering on the stairways. ball game, I can only con- Fans can't just go to the rest- hot pair of sunglasses you clude that some young girl room or get a Coke with- haven't noticed before? Yours truly; has been' wearing a like- out enduring 30 minutes of Merritt being slammed into gangs new pair of killer shades of overly.lip glossed girls in . this week. But instead of wasting my Juicy with free reign' over the Park Cities youth out of control beneath the stands. I've traveled through crowds of teens at a snail's' pace to get up the ramp and never: thought twice about it. But now it's personal. Somewhere between carefully. placing my designer eyewear in the case at sundown and leav,:. ing the venue in the dark of night, my Bvlgaris were kidnapped. I can only imagine

Not only did one of your kids steal sunglasses, one

,of them made a taser out of a

disposable camera and used it.


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