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TopMasala-Jokes-eBook

TopMasala-Jokes-eBook

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Published by Amol Patil

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Published by: Amol Patil on Apr 15, 2011
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02/19/2013

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Sections

  • Santa Singh as a software engineer!
  • Painful pinch!
  • sardar ji in a quiz contest
  • The Suicide Bomber
  • Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh
  • Some Santa and Banta Jokes
  • Santa & Banta - Dumb & Dumber
  • Santa Banta jokes
  • Sardars entry in the
  • Son to sardarji:
  • Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka
  • Sardar r really innocent
  • Intelligent Sardar
  • Sardar wins 20 Crore from
  • Sardar's Planting
  • Toilet brush!
  • Speeding!!!
  • Urine test!
  • Confused Sardar
  • Kanjoos Sardar
  • Painter Sardar
  • Santa Banta Strikes Again
  • Safe cracker
  • Laughing Zone
  • Speed limit
  • Affair with a dentist
  • Blind date!
  • Speech Impediment
  • Santa in Chandigarh
  • Fastest Worker
  • Last Night
  • Explanation!
  • Overturned wagon
  • Smartest Salesman
  • Medical Students
  • The Ladies Man
  • The Right Step
  • Clinton one-liners
  • Clinton administration medical dictionary
  • The Career Choice
  • No Answers to such Questions
  • A Meeting With the Board
  • Playing safe!
  • These guns are so safe?
  • A dead man in jail!
  • Progeny!
  • Cool way to conquer fear !
  • To protect self respect!!
  • Sow Cruel!!
  • Dying for a soda ??
  • Well, it worked !!
  • Like a hole in the head !!
  • Bouncing baby boy
  • Give em a hand!
  • Powerful coincidence!
  • The mommies!
  • I just killed the pig
  • Holy tooth! Batman!
  • Close to home!
  • Say Cheese
  • Laloo`s Threat
  • Indian politician
  • Best patient
  • UN meeting
  • Reasons to allow drinking at work
  • A bet made at the local bar
  • Newly issued alcohol warnings
  • The customs of an Irishman
  • What causes people to have arthritis?
  • He is a very fast drinker
  • A nun arrives at the local bar
  • I didn't get any money this time
  • Arriving home very drunk
  • Looking to buy a frog?
  • A real hurry!
  • The ghost?
  • Exchanging notes!
  • Not finished yet !
  • The best beer
  • Best friend
  • Secret of long life
  • Drunken nun !
  • Mine disaster
  • Australian marriage
  • Finding Jesus!
  • Too high!
  • Men's room!
  • Inheritance!
  • Free Meat
  • Judgement
  • Big Booze
  • Irishman in the Bar
  • Extra Large
  • The Old Drunk
  • Drunk Superman
  • No More Peas
  • Drunken Excuses
  • A Puking Drunk
  • A very insulting parrot
  • A snail buys a fast new car
  • These chickens want books
  • A frog calls a psychic
  • Purchasing a new bird
  • Marriage should be like Fishing
  • Smart Ants
  • FOUR CATS
  • Bilingual Parrot
  • Sign language of a monkey !
  • How Dogs Are Better Than Men
  • Pretentious parrot!!
  • The boss!
  • Smart snakes!
  • Intelligent dog !
  • Smoke in bed !
  • Poor turtle!
  • Blind as a bat!!!
  • Mightiest !!
  • Ape removal
  • Unusual pet
  • The purrfect gift!
  • Poor Snail
  • Confused parrot
  • Animal Complaints
  • Tough job!
  • Dopin' Lizard
  • The Dream Eggs!
  • Dog`s Hand
  • The comparison!
  • Mommy Test
  • Old AGE!
  • Accuracy
  • Interesting topic!
  • Adam's dress
  • Praying Johnny!
  • Entry to Heaven!
  • Natural childbirth!
  • Vanishing cream!
  • Christmas prayer
  • Scared!!!
  • Better job
  • Stupidest kid!
  • Children of Israel
  • Definitely !
  • Shocking letter
  • Honest Lawyer!
  • Strange Neighbour
  • Perfect Marriage
  • No Relationship without Expectation
  • MARRIAGE without any prejudice
  • WHO DOES WHAT
  • Yeah Baby
  • Millionaire
  • Six Nights
  • Nude Masterpiece
  • Loyal Wife
  • Suspicious Wife
  • Dying Husband
  • Crazy Love
  • Married Life
  • The New Wife
  • Extra Marital affairs
  • Freaking Jinx
  • what happened after india lost to srilanka???

http://www.TopMasala.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala.

com

Feel Free to pass on this eBook to all the friends. Make their day! Your friends would love you for this…!

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http://www.TopMasala.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala.com

TopMasala “Santa Banta” Jokes
Santa Singh as a software engineer! What will Santa do if he gets the following error message? FILE NOT FOUND! To find out scroll down . . . . . . .

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/

http://www.TopMasala.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala.com

Painful pinch! As the crowded elevator descended, Banta's wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."

sardar ji in a quiz contest... Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest -> 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Sardar says "I will skip this" 2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution? A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER Sardar asks for help from general public 3) Which of these was King George VI first name? A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL Sardar asks for lucky cards 4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal: A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT #Sardar gives up. If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below: #1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453 2) The October revolution is celebrated in November 3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name. 4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies now tell me who's the dumb one.Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/

Fanta & Coffee Q. so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp.yahoo. Send it through courier. there are 2 enemies soldier. Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala.. can I suicide now? Boss: Yes. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres. Jilebi. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow? A. can I suicide now? Leader: No. Banta: Sir. not for two. we will look after. you will be a martyr.http://www. Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now? Boss: Wait for more.topmasala. go ahead. Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest! Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh Q. don't worry about your family. What is JFC ? A. Q.com The Suicide Bomber Banta joins the suicide bomber squad. called his boss: Sir. Terms are different . He lands up in the enemy's camp.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. wait till you see more soldiers.com/group/TopMasala/ . join TopMasala @ http://groups.. now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface? A. nothing more Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ? A.

Q. I do not have any objections.com/group/TopMasala/ . Explain RMI Architecture? A. What is bean ? Where it can be used ? Get More fun stuff like this. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads? A. Q.com Q.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. How to communicate 2 threads each other ? A. Threads are small ropes. Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script? A. What is the use of Servlets ? A. Q. What is JAR file ? A. File that can be kept inside a jar.yahoo.TopMasala. Q.http://www. Q. Q. As you wish . Q. I will give invitation. In hotels. join TopMasala @ http://groups. What is JINI? A. I am a computer professional not an architect student. Can I modify an object in CORBA? A. Sorry.topmasala. they can replace servers. Make a rope from threads is an example for process. Non living things can't communicate. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

TopMasala. Some Santa and Banta Jokes Some Santa and Banta Jokes In UK. In kitchens for cooking they can be used. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it. Q. A kind of vegetable. 2nd says mine is very hot. 1st says my wife is very cold. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs!! Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping.com/group/TopMasala/ .com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Santa & Banta . Santa: I'm confused. Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Get More fun stuff like this. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ? A.com A.topmasala.Dumb & Dumber Santa & Banta doing what they do best! Santa: I have swallowed a key. Three men discussing wives. Santa: Wanna try it? Banta: No way. When we sow a binary seed.yahoo. a binary tree will grow. Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape.http://www.

M.TopMasala. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.. Lady calls again.http://www.yahoo. 3) SARDAR.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.com/group/TopMasala/ . join TopMasala @ http://groups.. because he is PM not AM.F ka tyre de de Get More fun stuff like this. kya dun ? 2ND. Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days.R. now I have lost it too Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening? Banta: Very simple. IS MEIN AUR COLOUR DIKHAO 2) SARDAR: AAJ MAINE PAANI KO ULLU BANAYA 2ND SARDAR: wo kaise? 1ST SARDAR: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha liya..Gold ring de de 1ST. GUESS WOH KYA BOLA.. FLAG DEKHKAR SARDAR KUCH BOLA JISE SUNKAR SHOPKEEPER PARESHAN HO GAYA. I press the bell but no one comes out.. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators! Santa Banta jokes 1) Ek SARDAR INDIAN FLAG LENE SHOP PAR GAYA.topmasala.yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai. Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life miserable.koi badi cheez bata 2ND .com Santa: I was using duplicate key.

com/group/TopMasala/ .com 4) A donkey kicked sardar & ran away sardar ran to catch the donkey. TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR 9) ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi.. Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio! 7) Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window? A: He wanted to see butterfly! what is the cube of 13? Its : SUROOR wandaring how? thats bcoz. 10) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad? . I sold a good radio to you. 5) Lect: write a note on Gandhi jayanti..?? So. join TopMasala @ http://groups...sita with ravan 11) what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing? ..TopMasala.but Ant’s parents r against their marrige…guess y?? Get More fun stuff like this...yahoo.topmasala. santa writes "Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam i dont know who is Jayanti.http://www... He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.use log hanuman bulate the.. Shopkeeper: No... 6) Banta: you cheated me..batao kyon? kyonki uska naam hanuman tha.Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya 12) wht do u call a really colourful tamilian??? Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan 13) n elephant falls in luv wid n ant...com | Fun Forum – http://forum....

January 2nd.TopMasala.. Get More fun stuff like this. February 2nd. "Well. "OK. etc. I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow...com they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k dant bahar hai** 14)ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied. DharamRaj said.. ……kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda. 1. join TopMasala @ http://groups. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered. There are 12 seconds in a year...yahoo.March 2nd. 2. 2. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven." DharamRaj lets him in without another word. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.. even though it's not the answer I expected.com/group/TopMasala/ . 15) Full form of MATHS???? Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students… 16) what wud u call a girl who never laughs?? Ans: hasina Sardars entry in the. so your answer is correct.http://www.topmasala.

badal garje. if you would have ran behind an auto. his wife said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers.topmasala. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki. that did not know about the nail! Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".. jor se baarish shuru ho gayi.com/group/TopMasala/ .com Son to sardarji: Son to sardarji: Today I ran behind the bus and saved Rs 3. He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked"..http://www. Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai.. Sardarji to son: You fool. Intelligent Sardar Once this guy visits his Sardarji friend he notices that his wall clock is not working and it looks beyond repairs. join TopMasala @ http://groups. you could have saved Rs 30!!!. Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka.TopMasala.yahoo.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.. Sardar r really innocent Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened. din mein do baar to sahi time dikhata hai! Get More fun stuff like this. Dost: Tu naya ghadi kyun nahin le leta? Sardar: kyun? ye abhi bhi kaam aata hai Dos : Kaise? Sardar: Yaar.

TopMasala. "I think I'll go back to paper.a toilet brush. Dealer gave 11 Crore after deducting tax. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. Sardar's Planting Trees A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park. but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off! Toilet brush! Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle." Banta said. join TopMasala @ http://groups. 'Tell me. About a week later. 'Usually there are three of us.' said the passerby. because he is ill." Get More fun stuff like this. Today Balwant is off. the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. 'What on earth are you doing?' 'Well. The following week.! Sardar's Planting. His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates. at the office canteen.topmasala." said the first prize winner. Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.yahoo. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 Crores or else return my 20 Rs back. Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole..com Sardar wins 20 Crore from. Banta won the tenth prize . Sardar wins 20 Crore from Rs 20 lottery ticket. they each won a prize. I dig the hole. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta "Not so good.' said the digger. when the raffle was drawn. seeing it was for charity. "Great. They bought tickets.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "I love chocolates" "So do I." said the the seond prize winner..com/group/TopMasala/ .http://www.

"It seems we are a little cloudy today.http://www. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 100 kmph. He called into headquarters on his radio. she snickered. with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph. join TopMasala @ http://groups. A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police cruiser. radar gun at the ready. and repeatedly if I want you to slow down. Banta was handling the speed just fine.topmasala. snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps.com Speeding!!! Banta was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. Get More fun stuff like this. One day during breakfast.TopMasala. you guys aren't going to believe this. but wherever it is. it must be bad cause all the people were leaving.com/group/TopMasala/ . Things were going pretty well." Banta put on his angry face. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Sardar : No. who owned an old Maruti. a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing the Honda. The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster. and there's a guy on a cycle ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!" Urine test! Banta had been in the hospital for days. off they went." With that. all of sudden. In her annoying voice. "Sure. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more. I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time. but there's a Honda and a Maruti racing out here on Highway 22. "Well. His friend said. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable." Confused Sardar A policeman pulled the Sardarji over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. But. he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill.yahoo." So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend. twice if I want you maintain speed. saying. "Hey. He asked his friend. if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory.

. .com Kanjoos Sardar Newly married sardar to another newly married sardar "I am so kunjoos that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money". It read. I sent my wife for honeymoon with my friend" Painter Sardar Dr. Maneesh Sinha. Maneesh Sinha Psycho the rapist" Incredible Sardars. and left for his clinic. . . he was astonished at the sight of the name plate that was hung to his gate. .http://www.topmasala. . join TopMasala @ http://groups. On his return in the evening. . He instructed the sardar to give ample space between the words. Get More fun stuff like this. has employeed a sardar painter to paint his name plate.com/group/TopMasala/ .yahoo.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. a psychotherapist. .TopMasala. Other sardar said "You are nothing I saved my full money. "Dr. . . .

A & B. but is starts with "T". Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde. Banta: Koi phayda nahin. I mean long time no C.http://www. A & B. iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar. A crow shits on a Banta. kauwa toh ud gaya! Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.topmasala. it always said 'Switched Off'!" Banta: Nooo. Friend: Oye. Get More fun stuff like this. it's my HELLO TUNE! Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai. Santa Banta Strikes Again Santa: I tried ur number so many times. Banta: Y? Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ? Santa meets his old friend.yahoo. Tea se start hoti hai.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Santa: A & B.com Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name. jaldi bataao Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko. bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai. Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai. A & B. jithe marzi so jao! Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai. A & B.com/group/TopMasala/ . Jeeto. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala. maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai. Hamaari gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

http://www.TopMasala.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala.com

Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon. Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain. Santa: Maine mana kiya that... Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya. Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.' He wrote: I was made by a mistake. Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai. Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai. Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si. Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.

Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai. Santa: Kaise? Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain' Sardars entry in the.. Sardars entry in the heaven A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
Get More fun stuff like this, join TopMasala @ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/

http://www.TopMasala.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala.com

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...." DharamRaj lets him in without another word.

Safe cracker The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help. The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe. The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe. The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, "Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?" The safe cracker replied, "Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!" Laughing Zone A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out. **************** Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else. **************** Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai. ****************
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day. Banta asked: What are you doing? Santa: Drying sweat! ****************

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole. Banta: R u ok? Santa: Yeah! Banta: Did u break anything? Santa: No, there's nothing down here **************** Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles. Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'

Speed limit A traffic Policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." Affair with a dentist Preeto fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day the dentist said sadly, "Preeto, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been seeing each other for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!" Blind date! Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma
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" replied Banta.http://www." "Well.com attack.. "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!" "Well.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Don't worry." He thanked the officer and the officer drove off. but to get to the Rock Garden. "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?" "It's probably because of her speech impediment." So that night." replied his friend. "Excuse me. Extremely pleased by this. Why are you still waiting?" Santa replied. "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus.yahoo. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: . the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day. officer.com/group/TopMasala/ . Get More fun stuff like this. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. will you promise to answer me honestly?" "Yeah. "fire away. He wanted to see the Rock Garden. Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala. Santa is still waiting at the same bus stop. It'll take you right there. officer. Unfortunately. I said to wait here for the number 46 bus. "If I ask you a question. Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is." said Santa.topmasala. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and. "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!" Santa in Chandigarh Santa was visiting Chandigarh for the first time. so he asked a police officer for directions. when Santa said to Banta.. sure thing. how do I get to the Rock Garden?" The officer replied. The 43rd bus just went by!" Fastest Worker Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. sure enough. The officer got out of his car and said. he couldn't find it. it won't be long now. "Excuse me."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!" Speech Impediment Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar. "What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa. That was three hours ago." replied Banta.

told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning. isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender. "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?" Santa replied. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had. Then he asks for another. Jeeto. he found his wife." "Thank you. he picked up his bag and stormed out. After a couple more drinks. "Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. beaming. When he walked into his apartment." The bartender thought about this for a while. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks." explained Santa. "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days." Last Night One day.com | Fun Forum – http://forum." the supervisor said.topmasala. the bartender gets worried. "But. he met his mother-in-law on the street. however." Explanation! Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday. "That woman I call my wife and I got into a fight." the older women pleaded. in bed with another man.com/group/TopMasala/ .http://www.com "I just want you to know. "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses. Get More fun stuff like this.yahoo. Furious. "Yeah. Sir" said Santa.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. except today is the last night. Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today.

his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office. Then I'll help you get the wagon up. "I knew my daughter would have an explanation. Pappu thanked his host.com | Fun Forum – http://forum." Pappu answered. "By the way.yahoo. "Well okay. "But my father won't like it. "She didn't receive your telegram!" Overturned wagon Pappu." "Don't be foolish !" the farmer said with a smile.topmasala. "Hey Pappu!!" the farmer yelled. but I know dad is going to be real upset." the farmer insisted. accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. and added. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Come in with us. he agreed.com/group/TopMasala/ . where is he?" "Under the wagon.TopMasala. come on." "Aw. "I feel a lot better now. "but I don't think my father would like me to.http://www. The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta.com Reluctantly. that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man. The first said." "That's mighty nice of you. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. An hour later. "Forget your troubles." Smartest Salesman Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. Santa's son." a note of truimph in her voice. The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man." After a hearty lunch. Get More fun stuff like this." he finally agreed.

were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground. I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!" Medical Students Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by." "Easy for you to say. The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife. so what? The third salesman added.com/group/TopMasala/ . Get More fun stuff like this. "He didn't sign his name!" The Right Step Two drunk." declared Banta.com The other two said. "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids. They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace." "Well." Banta said to one of his friends. "Is that shit. Which of us is correct?" Santa replies.topmasala. "Well boys. "It's not that. but it looks like we were all wrong!" The Ladies Man "I'm scared." replied his friend.http://www." "You like her that much?" the friend asks. One says. "Along with the Cuckoo clock. Banta?" Santa said. "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife. Santa and Banta. and I think you have a hernia.TopMasala.yahoo. I thought it was a fart. They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

buddy! I think it's definitely shit." Thank you. for costing me my job. "Good thing we didn’t step in it!" Politics Jokes Clinton one-liners Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you've got! "Carter is no longer the worst U. bring back Bush. Bill Clinton. "I don't know." Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton.com/group/TopMasala/ . President" "I am Clinton of Borg. Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate! My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill. Your incomes will be assimilated. join TopMasala @ http://groups.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. it must have been a real stupid question! Clinton in 1996--NOT!! I'm not Fonda Clinton Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government.TopMasala. Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn't vote. I never had one. Voter: "The joke's over." Get More fun stuff like this. I will repay you in 1996. "it smells like shit. "Sure tastes like shit. "It feels like shit!" Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth.com "I don't really know. When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs. he replied.S.yahoo. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year." Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile." "Hooooeee!" Responded Santa.topmasala. It's the spending stupid! If Clinton was the answer.http://www." Responded Banta as he bent over.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Bowel: Letter like A. Some begin with 'After I'm elected. "No.'" Clinton administration medical dictionary Acute: Opposite of an ugly Artery: The study of paintings Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria Barium: What doctors do to dead patients Benign: What you are after you're eight..com/group/TopMasala/ . or U Cat scan: Searching for a kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome Colic: A sheep dog Concussion: A prisoner's sofa Congenital: To be friendly D & C: Where the White House is Dilate: To live too long Get More fun stuff like this.?" Bill Clinton replied.E.http://www.yahoo.com If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph.. join TopMasala @ http://groups.O. what shutter speed would you use? Chelsea asked her dad..TopMasala.I..topmasala. "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time.

com Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Fibula: A small lie GI series: A soldier ball game Hangnail: A coat hook Impotent: Distinguished. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala.http://www.topmasala.com/group/TopMasala/ .yahoo. well known Jaundice: To include in a group Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives Labor pain: Getting hurt at work Leper: A wild cat Malaria: Shopping place Medical staff: A doctor's cane Morbid: A higher bid Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates Node: Was aware of Outpatient: A person who fainted Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis Post-operative: A letter carrier Get More fun stuff like this.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.

Rectum: It almost killed him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: A Roman emperor Serology: Study of English Knighthood Tablet: A small table Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport Tumor: More than one Urine: Opposite of you're out Varicose: Nearby Vein: Conceited The Career Choice An older couple had a son who was still living with them. Then they hid. join TopMasala @ http://groups. he would be a businessman.http://www. and put them on the front hall table. he would be a drunk. They took a $10 bill.topmasala. The test was this: If the son took the money.com/group/TopMasala/ . The parents were a little worried.TopMasala. he would be a priest. pretending they were not at home. a Bible and a bottle of whiskey. if he took the Bible. Get More fun stuff like this. so they decided to do a small test. but if he took the bottle of whiskey.com Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work.yahoo. as the son has no career plans.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.

whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?' Just then the bell rings for recess. First.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.com/group/TopMasala/ . 'Billy. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Then. The father slapped his forehead and said. where were we? Oh that's right question time. "OK. George points him out and asks him what his name is. One little boy puts up his hand andGeorge asks him what his name is.com So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Steve?' 'I have 5 questions.topmasala. opened it. "Darn. and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second. why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth. Our son is going to be a politician!" No Answers to such Questions George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third. Finally he grabbed the bottle. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. 'Steve' 'And what is your question.TopMasala. looked at it against the light. Peeping through the keyhole.yahoo. First. carrying all three items. flicked through it. After that. whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth.' 'And what is your question. Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his hand.http://www. and took it. why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third. what the f**k happened to Billy?' Get More fun stuff like this. Then he left for his room. After his talk he offers question time. he took the Bible. When they resume George says. and slid it in his pocket. it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second. they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him. Billy? 'I have 3 questions. he took the $10 bill.

"If there is anyone here more bored than I am. he rammed into a parked car." Rhaman said.TopMasala. CA. dry sermon. "You misunderstood my announcement." said the minister. Rahman said the car rammed into his cab. 37. An hour later.com/group/TopMasala/ . Get More fun stuff like this.45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. He got nervous. when the light changed and that cars started to honk while he waited for pedestrians to clear the crosswalk. Shovestall`s wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband`s 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate to her they were safe. "I got confused. The first man to arrive was a stranger.com A Meeting With the Board A Meeting With the Board After a long. These guns are so safe? Robert Shovestall. when. "I know. shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale.m. but he said he was only trying to park his taxi so it wouldn`t block traffic. Playing safe! New York City ." said the man. Cops said he was leaving the scene. That`s when he struck a 22-year-old man from New Jersey. When police showed up and began converging on his cab. he even called police to report the accident. though.http://www. cops say. racked up three accidents on his second day on a new job as a new cab driver. This is a meeting of the board. 36. when he placed a . I'd like to meet him. and my feet just slipped from the brake to the accelerator.topmasala. Rahman is looking for another line of work. join TopMasala @ http://groups.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.Mohammad Rahman. It all started at 9 a. Rahman said he paused for a light.yahoo. Brooklyn. Rahman ran into another car. the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service.

com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Peter C. Now he encased himself in a six-tonne block of ice and hoped to come out unscathed 58 hours later i. He faced several threats. Get More fun stuff like this. it amounts to disqualification of Municipal Councilors and Panchayat members who produce a third child.com A dead man in jail! A man was sentenced last week to two years in prison for faking his death three times to beat drunk driving charges. Gentry was first arrested in 1991. and the case was dismissed. and it just took the petition in Mayurbhanj district court to remove Singe from her Sarpanch seat.TopMasala. He would have to remain standing in the block in which his contour was shaped surviving only with a tube to suck water and oxygen. Gentry was again arrested and supposedly died this time of "denzor hemorrhagic fever" in Africa. join TopMasala @ http://groups. There is no such disease. Progeny! Singe Soren. he was arrested again and sent in another death certificate.com/group/TopMasala/ . David Blaine. 1995. This was the toughest challenge for Blaine. two and a half-day. but an official looking death certificate sent to authorities said he had died in a Los Angeles auto crash.yahoo. Cool way to conquer fear ! Fan of Titanic star Leonardo DiCaprio. which include frostbite and the possibility of falling asleep and touching the ice wall.http://www. A year later. Progeny sometimes spoils the political careers.e. the Woman Sarpanch(Village head) of Badapalasa was unseated because she gave birth to her third child. last year buried himself underwater in a plexiglass coffin for a week and survived. Passerby in New York called him crazy to risk his life. According to the Law which came into effect on December 31. In 1994.topmasala.

Sow Cruel!! A 31-year-old Vietnamese woman. pinning him against a wall and crushing his chest. A woman has to protect her self respect.000 pounds. she has not been arrested since she has a younger child to take care of. to make him realize that public toilets were overflowing. Dying for a soda ?? A man whose son was crushed to death by a soda vending machine has filed a $500. at least 37 deaths and 113 injuries resulted from falling vending machines.yahoo. Incedentally. Phan Thi Hien.com/group/TopMasala/ . The 27-year-old man apparently rocked the machine. calling for more toilets in busy areas so that woman did not face hardships. in his absence." said the man`s lawyer. No luck with a tow truck Get More fun stuff like this.com To protect self respect!! An educated woman from Margao city (Panaji. She said she urinated in his chamber.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.http://www.3 cents).TopMasala.topmasala. Even the Goa Pradesh Congress President Nirmala Sawant appreciated what the woman did to attract the attention of authorities on the eve of the International Women`s Day on Thursday. Goa (India)) urinated in the office of the sanitary inspector in Margao in protest against dirty public toilets.000 wrongful-death lawsuit against the company that manufactured the machine. forced her 10-year-old stepson to stitch up his moutha as punishment for stealing 200 dong (1." Sawant said. which can weigh 1. while she stood watch over him. which fell. Some welcomed the step because they felt that this was one of the ways to answer male-dominated society and politics. Newpaper reports state that Hien could be prosecuted on charge of ill-treating the child. The incident sparked off reaction amongst women in the state. The boy was beaten severly and given a needle and thread by his stepmother and was forced to sew his lips together. "The penalty for jiggling a machine to get a quarter out or a free Coke shouldn`t be death. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission found that between 1978 and 1995. though complaints were made to the authorities earlier. The father decided to sue after learning that his son`s death was not an isolated incident. The municipality was not cleaning them.

" said Letty Garza. The boy was left home alone due to a miscommunication between the parents. the frightened and crying boy pushed out the screen of an open window." Illegal aliens and transients sleep on the tracks because they think snakes won`t get them there. "You could give me two two digit numbers and I could multiply them within seconds in my head. PA. Bouncing baby boy 3-year-old Lateef Wise. "it felt like somebody was smacking my head repeatedly with a hammer. But now you give me a piece of paper and multiplying 56 by 23 is still difficult.yahoo. The car ran over her and hit the tow truck driver. turned to his co-worker and said. Then he fell from the apartment." Doctors told Bogumill that he shouldn`t have been able to walk or talk after the accident.TopMasala. was left home alone last week. At about 9:30 a. a spokeswoman for the Border Patrol. Lateef was later released from a local hospital with just a minor larceration. After hitting the ground Lateef walking around.m. "That next split-second.. and that they`re baffled why he wasn`t knocked unconscious. Philadelphia. Wis.Six men believed to be illegal aliens from Mexico were killed by a freight train while sleeping on the tracks. Chinnamma Sebastian.com/group/TopMasala/ . He said.. Texas . "You just nailed me in the head. who suffered minor injuries. Philadelphia. The nail lodged in an area of the brain typically involved in processing math according to Dr.com It started out as just a simple fender-bender but a couple of hours later the driver.http://www. A co-worker accidentally bumped his head with the gun. began to cry and started strip of grass. Sebastian stood in a grassy area near the location of the minor accident and watched as her car was hooked to the flatbed of a tow truck. Like a hole in the head !! Travis Bogumill. PA. a construction worker in Eau Claire. was shot with a nail gun that drove a 3 1/4 inch nail all the way into his skull." Bogumill recalled. 49. It finally stopped when it hit another tow truck. Well. "The train crew saw some debris on the tracks. they saw heads raise up and then six people were killed instantly. John Lamoureux. it worked !! Norias. when suddenly the 1988 Mercedes went into reverse and rolled off. join TopMasala @ http://groups. wound up in a hospital in critical condition with multiple injuries. bounced off an air conditioner protruding from a second floor window and landed on a narrow amazingly got up. Get More fun stuff like this. and the nail went in so deep that the only thing visible was a small hole in Bogumill`s scalp.topmasala. He remained conscious.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. and the only difference he can see is that he`s not quite the math whiz he used to be." Bogumill said.

lost power for 30 minutes this spring when a branch blew off a tree and hit a Pacific Gas & Electric power line." Holy tooth! Batman! Singing hymns and praying for peace and luck. Get More fun stuff like this. CA. Kristie Vecchione. wants sole custody of her daughter on claims that same-sex marraiges are not recognized in the state of California. "My God. CA.topmasala. thousands of Buddhists greeted a holy tooth believed to have belonged to Buddha when it arrived in Taiwan. According to the Baltic News Service. what did you tell them?" The driver replied. took an unusual turn when the mother of a 3-year-old girl claimed the girl`s father is actually a woman. Powerful coincidence! Almost all of Nevada City. I just killed the pig.TopMasala. said her husband became a man through sexchange operations more than 20 years ago. Bush saw this and said. The mommies! A custody battle in Santa Ana. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and a tons of money. George W. but he hit him.http://www.com/group/TopMasala/ .yahoo. The Grass Valley Union newspaper reported the outage delayed the trial of PG&E for failing to trim vegetation around power lines as required by the state. He went in the farm to explain what had happened.com Give em a hand! A team of Latvian doctors claimed a new world record after reattaching four severed hands in just five days.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Vecchione. who was impregnated by artificial insemination. a woman. The driver tried to get out of the way. Bush's driver and I just killed the pig. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. He came out with a beer. The fourth. 27. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. three of the patients had their hands cut off by saws while chopping down trees. The agency noted doctors normally reattach only two or three hands a year. a cigar. had her hand severed by a dough machine. "I told them that I'm George W.

topmasala. died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. made a pile from government funds. hence the smile. The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. and asks to be shown the last body. 60. was 70. To which the medical officer replies. Dozens of women prostated themselves and spread their long hair over a red carpet. Inspector. Say Cheese Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary. Buddhists say the tooth brings blessings for those who live where it is housed and keeps them from disaster. all with very big smiles on their faces. Hence the enormous smile. encased in a miniature golden pagoda. "Ah.000-a-day cocaine ring being run out of City Hall." "Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector. and clerk Karen Laverne Shivers. "This is the most unusual one.yahoo. 6 ounces of crack and $6. off a flight from India. 41.com/group/TopMasala/ .Last Monday FBI agents busted a $1." says the medical examiner." says the medical examiner. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and spent it all on whiskey.http://www. speaking on a City Hall phone. Federal agents said they taped three telephone conversations in which Harris. Programer Arthur Harris.000. Others knelt in rows. "He was a BJP leader. Indiana . MP from Bihar.com Monks in saffron robes escorted the tooth. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body. 65 years of age. arranged to sell crack. Close to home! GARY. were arrested at their apartment Monday. thinks the Inspector." Get More fun stuff like this. "He thought he was having his picture taken. clasping their hands in front to express their reverence. struck by lightning. allegedly by the city`s chief computer programer and its payroll clerk. "He was a minister from ruling Congress party. 46. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened.TopMasala. Died of alcohol poisoning." "Nothing unusual here". Agents seized 5 ounces of cocaine.

"See the river over there?" "Sure". When they came to his house. said the minister !! Get More fun stuff like this. He is refusing to move from there!" "But why?" "He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines! He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help him pay the fine!" "So how much has been collected so far?" "Six litres!" Indian politician An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart.yahoo.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Some time later.the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. grounds and the costly furnishings. peered closely and said.com/group/TopMasala/ . said the minister.com Laloo`s Threat A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward.TopMasala. cried the senator. "Can you see the river?" "Yes" "Can you see the bridge over it?" "Of course". said the senator smugly. A guy from the front replied. "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window. he had occasion to pay a return visit. the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion. He asked. "How can you possibly afford this.topmasala. When the senator invited him home for dinner. "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road. "No. "10 percent". A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening. I don't see any bridge. glittering with precious art." "100 percent"." he asked. "Can you see the bridge over it?" The senator looked. hundreds of servants etc etc. was confused. The minister called him to the window.http://www. on a salary in Indian Rupees.

hearing this accusation. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body. and even more deserts.yahoo.." The third surgeon says.TopMasala. "I like to see accountants on my operating table..those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end. no heart.It's a lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!" "And in agreement with Chairman Arafat. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content..." UN meeting At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East.." Get More fun stuff like this. but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.. "You know. and prairies.. "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech.. The Israeli Consul began. "let me begin my speech. Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen. "You're all wrong..topmasala. everything inside them is in alphabetical order. I wanted to relay an old story to all of you. because when you open them up. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed. I like construction workers.. When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts." The fourth surgeon chimes in. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and when the job takes longer than you said it would. and no spine. "Yeah.com/group/TopMasala/ . "No." said the Israeli Consul. There's no guts..com Best patient Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.http://www." The second responds. And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes.. took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. cool water. The first surgeon says. everything inside is numbered. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul. "This is a travesty. The people became thirsty and needed water. and the head and butt are interchangeable. jumps out of his seat and screams.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. so he went over to the other side of the pond." Yassir Arafat. I really think librarians are the best.

9. It reduces complaints about low pay. It reduces stress. 1. and not get any outside the glass. The man walks up to the counter. 11. Finally.com Bar Jokes: Reasons to allow drinking at work The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work.yahoo. the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. 12. it will be quickly forgotten. "I bet you $1. 5. 7. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 4. they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window. 8. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. If you use them wisely. It leads to more honest communications. It's an incentive to show up. 13. you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. 14.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. A bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar. and as he makes his way to the counter.000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away. 6. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. As he finishes with each group of people. Employees tell management what they think.topmasala.TopMasala. 10.http://www. It makes fellow employees look better. and says to the bartender. join TopMasala @ http://groups. 2. not what management wants to hear. 15. 3. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted." Get More fun stuff like this. looking in.com/group/TopMasala/ . It helps save on heating costs in the winter. If something does something stupid on the job. It encourages carpooling.

The man sprays beer all over the bar. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. drinking a sip out of each one in turn.000. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin. so he agrees. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away. 3. the other in Get More fun stuff like this. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him. join TopMasala @ http://groups. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you 4. 2. paces off thirty feet.000. it would taste better if you bought one at a time. a pint goes flat after I draw it." Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. The bartender asks him. "Well. you see. really big guy named Psycho Bob.http://www. The bartender gets out a shot glass. but he wants his $1.yahoo.topmasala. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. the bartender looks at him and says. 6. I guess you owe me $1. 1. When he finishes them. One is in America. 5. and the contest begins.com The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase. "You know. "Well. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. I have two brothers. When he finishes. but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar." The Irishman replies. huh?" The man answers. orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room. 7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher.TopMasala.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. "Yeah. he comes back to the bar and orders three more.com/group/TopMasala/ . handsomer and smarter than some really.

The man's tie was stained. How long did you have arthritis?" "I don't have it father. When he comes back to the bar for the second round.topmasala. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." the drunk muttered." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom. "What do you have pal?" Get More fun stuff like this. thinking about what he had said. I was just reading here that the Pope does. no." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down. and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. what causes arthritis?" "Mister. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar. After a few minutes. "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles. it's caused by loose living. and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. When we all left home. "Oh. Staring in disbelief. wicked women. being with cheap.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups." He is a very fast drinker A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. "I'm very sorry. The bartender looks at him and says. I didn't mean to come on so strong. The priest. but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The bartender hastily asks. I've just quit drinking. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. then the next.com Australia. his face was plastered with red lipstick. he comes in and orders two pints. the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "Everyone's fine." The Irishman looks confused for a moment. and leaves it there." he says.yahoo. "Say." What causes people to have arthritis? A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "I don't want to intrude on your grief. too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man. and I'm here in Dublin.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. then the next. He opened his newspaper and began reading. nudged the man and apologized.com/group/TopMasala/ . "What'll it be buddy?" The man says. the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked." "Well I'll be. returning to his paper. the bartender says.http://www. One day. father.

Get More fun stuff like this. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "I have a dollar.http://www. then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees. drinking by himself. a Nun. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?" I didn't get any money this time A man in a bar sees a friend at a table. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so.TopMasala.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I. and a triple vodka on the rocks". "Another pint for me. "How do you know this.yahoo. and goes on the offensive." A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink . join TopMasala @ http://groups.com The man quickly replies.topmasala.com/group/TopMasala/ . enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. so John goes inside to the bar. sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you.

" The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. leaving me $90. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man.TopMasala." "And last month my aunt died.000. No wonder you're depressed.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Two parents gone in two months. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me. and left me $15. but where's his wheel chair?" Looking to buy a frog? Looking to buy a frog? Get More fun stuff like this. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August.com Approaching the friend he comments. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home. "You look terrible. He is obviously drunk." "Gee.com/group/TopMasala/ .000. "Then in September.yahoo." "Then this month." continued.http://www." he said. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. that's tough." he replied.000. "My father died." "Wow." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad. "and left me $25. "absolutely nothing!" Arriving home very drunk Arriving home very drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. the friend. join TopMasala @ http://groups." the friend continued.topmasala.

While the man is enjoying his beverages. All of a sudden an old man`s face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out.000!" "Don't worry about it. orders four expensive thirty-year." A real hurry! A guy rushes into a bar. "No. After the man finished his drink." the man replies.com/group/TopMasala/ . he downs each one. "Sorry. "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There`s an old guy`s face there!" (Was this a Get More fun stuff like this.topmasala.000. started it up and headed down the road.old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him. "The frog was really nothing special. "he's not for sale. You see.00 cash up front. cracks his knuckles.00 for the bullfrog.yahoo. "If I show you an even better trick. "he's not for sale. cracks his knuckles. "you seem to be in a hurry. The rat stretches." "What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks. this time to $500.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.com A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender.00 cash.000. and you let him go for a mere $500." he insists." The stranger again increases the offer. of course." the bartender remarks. laughing and. he asked the bartender. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. if you had what I have. "If I show you a really good trick.000. join TopMasala @ http://groups. then agrees. and proceeds to play the blues.http://www. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it. thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. "That frog could have been worth millions to you. these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain. and proceeds to play the blues. and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The ghost? There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain. "Whew." The stranger increases the offer to $250. still drinking one beer after the other. the rat's a ventriloquist. They jumped in the car. will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. a stranger confronts him and offers him $100. Then." the man answered. The rat stretches. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog. without pausing. The man finally agrees." "You would be. finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. who begins to sing along with the rat's music. too.TopMasala.

com ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking. "What do you think of that?" The driver says. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror. but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. and buys a huge beer. scared out of his wits. along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then. So he sets it on a table. The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells. "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" in stark terror. he sees another note saying "Me too!" Get More fun stuff like this. "I don`t know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again.http://www.topmasala. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. Now going about 80 miles an hour.yahoo. Upon return. join TopMasala @ http://groups. the passenger yells. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa.com/group/TopMasala/ . when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE`S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out. they calm down and they start laughing again. Then he sees someone he knows. there he is again!". "He wants tobacco!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. terrified. "What do you want???" The old man softly replied. and the passenger says. "you have any tobacco?" The passenger. The old man gently replies. "Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said. "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. trying to forget what they had just seen and heard. looked at the driver and said. and decides to go and say hi to them.TopMasala. "You want some help getting out of the mud? Exchanging notes! A guy walks in a bar.

but gives him what he ordered." He gets it." The bartender gives him one. "what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years. "Lou. a Corona.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. looks at him through bloodshot eyes. The guy from Corona sits down and says. "Excuse me Mister. give me a Coors. She turns to him and says. in London. furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. smiles. "I`d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water. a Budweiser. "Give me a Coke. neither will I. all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. give me `The King Of Beers`. I would like the world`s best beer. The guy from Guinness sits down and says.. if you guys aren`t drinking beer. "I`m your best friend!" The man turns to his friend." The bartender is a little taken aback." The best beer After the Great Britain Beer Festival." says the other man. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask. I have indeed shit myself." says the shocked friend." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. and I`ve never seen you take a drink before. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The guy from Coors says. the man replies.http://www. why don`t you go somewhere and clean yourself up?" The drunk says. "I`d like the best beer in the world. "Yes ma`am. "Why aren`t you drinking a Guinness?" The Guinness president replies. After awhile. "My wife just ran off with my best friend. and then slurs." The woman says." Best friend A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern. but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied.TopMasala.. What`s going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/ ." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "`Cos I`m not finished yet. The guy from Budweiser says. "Well. "Hey Señor. "Well. the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.topmasala.com Not finished yet ! A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. "But. "Not anymore! He is!" Embarrasing ! Get More fun stuff like this.

The first old man was asked his secret to his long life." the reporter asked. he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. at the top of his lungs." "Wow. sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I`ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you. them no-one will know" Get More fun stuff like this.if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I. "And how old are you?" he asked the first old man. enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself. and goes on the offensive.http://www. "I never drank alcohol. Finally. She smiles at him and says. The three old men agreed. I won`t sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink . "And how old are you?" "29. "How do *you* know. that`s really remarkable!" said the reporter. I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years. at the top of her lungs. I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. "I`m sorry if I embarrassed you. "What do you mean Rs 1000?" Secret of long life Three old men were sitting on a bench in a park when a reporter approached them. "I drank on occasion." "Wow!" said the reporter. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling. I smoked. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this. a Nun." replied the man. The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. the shy guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table." said the old man. After a few minutes. After an hour of gathering up his courage. Naturally. when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink." "And how old are you?" asked the reporter. the woman walks over to him and apologizes.yahoo. Drunken nun ! John was sitting outside his local pub one day." To which he responds. "I dated every woman that would go out with me. "I`m 93. but not often and I dated some. "No.TopMasala. You see.topmasala. I`m a journalist and I`ve got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations." said the man. "I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life. Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don`t be ridiculous . "I`m 91.com A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.com/group/TopMasala/ . the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

TopMasala. joining the other farmers. "I`m sorry sir but that guy`s a communist and we don`t serve his kind around here. jacket off. well. exclaimed the father. well I was in that mine and so was that guy." "Well.that`s where we put the jack." The bartender skeptically served the communist his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn`t help noticing the bruising under his chin.. is it?" Mine disaster There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar. and some bastard fucked the bride!". "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering. and a triple vodka on the rocks"." Get More fun stuff like this.http://www. so John goes inside to the bar. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. the guests repaired to the parking lot. "What's the problem?" he asked. A few minutes later.... look at the top of his head and you`ll see that it`s flat from holding the roof up. When the last of us were escaping. "Oh. join TopMasala @ http://groups." Australian marriage All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. and rendered speechless. uh. "Someone stole a keg (barrel) of beer. and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It`s not that drunken Nun again. left the church.. "The weddin's off.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. a friend of the bride's father. The guest. One guest. held back." The bartender responded.com/group/TopMasala/ . they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle. the friend again approached the father of the bride.com The Nun reluctantly agrees. "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed back into the church. and obviously very angry. the father reappeared and yelled. we. "I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there. and approached him. grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. I wouldn`t be here. he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don`t believe me. Waiting for things to get started.topmasala. then he lowers his voice and says to the barman ". "What happened to make you change your mind?" Grinning sheepishly. "Another pint for me. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer. we found the keg of beer. You remember that mine that caved in. sleeves rolled up." he shouted. and asked.. What is that all about?" The engineer responded: "Oh..yahoo. he replied.. taken aback. you`d better because if it weren`t for that guy.

"Oh that's OK! I want to thank you for not making fun of my Humpback while you were in here." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. brings him up and says. The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer. "That will be Rs 300 please!". have you found Jesus yet?!" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads. you'll find the money for the beer. and says." The bartender got it. "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says. The guy pays him and drinks it down." The Guy says.TopMasala. "For the grace of God. The guy says. The Bartender. "I have no arms . "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked." said the customer." said the armless man. "Sssay! Bbbartender." And it was done.would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure".com | Fun Forum – http://forum. walks into a Bar. but that's our price. "Yes. Get More fun stuff like this. "Mister. gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease!" The Bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says. I didn't!" said the drunk. and he did. "Yes. "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says. "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says.com/group/TopMasala/ ." "Certainly. have you found Jesus?" "No. "Yes sir. Disgusted. gggimme a bbbeer". before leaving he says. drinks his whiskey and. I ttthougt it wwas yyour Bbbutt!" Men's room! A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer. join TopMasala @ http://groups.com Finding Jesus! A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. I did not!" said the drunk again. "Look. "That will be Rs 200 please!" The Guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says. "No. He then says. "Bbbartender tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere!" The Bartender replied." said the customer. brings him up and demands. but that's our price. "Now. said the bartender. "Ssay! Bbbartender. serves him a beer and says. eeverything else in tthis ppplace wwas so hhhigh.topmasala. "Oh ttthat's OK.http://www. "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth. who is badly Humpbacked. that's what we get!". "If. "Now brother. "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" Too high! This guy who stutters badly. The guy pays him. that's what we get!". notices the old drunk and says. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. I am. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns.yahoo.

and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!" Judgement There were three men at a bar.00. who had been collecting the meat each week. both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed. Where is the men's room?" "Out the door. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.com/group/TopMasala/ ." said the butcher with a smile." the man replied. and there's one in a filling station on the corner.000. my dad died leaving me 50. drinking by himself. when you take this parcel of meat home. "Son.http://www. "Then this month. and one day the teenager." said the man." continued the friend.TopMasala.00. Continuing." the friend answered. entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. The next day the man went before the judge. that's tough.com "You've been very kind. "nothing! Not even a single rupee!" Free Meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman. "Then in June. came into the shop and said." When the boy arrived home he told his mother.00. and watch the expression on her face. "Just one thing more." said the customer. Approaching his friend." said the bartender. free milk. go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread. What's wrong?" "My mother died in May and left me 25. "That's a lot to deal with. that it is the last free meat she'll get." "Gosh. "Last month my aunt died and left me 10. He had been counting the years off on his calendar. join TopMasala @ http://groups. the friend said. tell your mother. Losing three close family members in three months." Inheritance! A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his. She agreed. walk two blocks.yahoo. "I'll be 16 tomorrow.000." "I know. "You look awful. with a baby in her arms. Get More fun stuff like this. "turn left.000. The woman nodded and said.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. "Boy. is terrible!" replied the man." the friend added.topmasala. "I've been counting too. he commented.

" The judge then said. "Where do you work?" The man said. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He crawls through the door and up the stairs.com/group/TopMasala/ . The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. judge when will I get out?" The judge said to the man. "Take him away. you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. "So.http://www.yahoo.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Sooner or later. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. "What do you do for a living?" The man said. "Here and there. Get More fun stuff like this." Big Booze An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking beer.topmasala." The man said.com The judge asked the man. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. join TopMasala @ http://groups." The judge asked the man. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. "This and that. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. "Wait.TopMasala.

" Then he ordered a small steak." So the Irishmen did this for a number of years. But one day he walked in and only ordered two drinks." The Irishman said. When the Irishmen walked up to the bartender the bartender said." The bartender said. everything is big in Texas." Extra Large A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer. "That is a small glass of beer.com/group/TopMasala/ .yahoo. "Son. Everything in Texas is big. piece of meat.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Why do you get three different drinks? It would be a lot easier for me to mix them. I fell in the damn toilet!" Heavy Drinker Get More fun stuff like this. and began to drink each drink one at a time. The waitress says. it is this huge 40 oz.topmasala. "I am so sorry about your brother. "That's very cool. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak. "What in Hell happened to you?" asks the barkeep.http://www. everybody's all right it's just that I stopped drinking.TopMasala. Bartender says. When the waitress brings it to him.com "The pub called. When he was finished he went up to get three more. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg. join TopMasala @ http://groups. After eating he asks where the bathroom is and is told to take the third door on the right. By now he is a bit smashed and though he carefully counts the doors. He walked to a table. son. "When my two brothers moved away we all promised that every day we would drink each others favourite drink. Everybody looked up and bowed their head." Irishman in the Bar An Irishmen walked into a bar and ordered three different drinks in three different glasses. The Bartender said. you left your wheelchair there again. he enters the third door on the left and falls into a pool. He returns to the bar soaking wet. "Oh No. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer. "Oh man." The Irishmen looked at him funny and said. sat down.

" After having five bottles of whiskey. "What all do you have". "Nooo.. who are you???" Lord Shiva." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.TopMasala. are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says. he asked the bartender for Gin.http://www.yahoo." Lord Shiva. gin. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Chandigarh and asked the bartender. vodka. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Who is this man. give me five bottles of whiskey.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. and you've almost had fifty bottles and you are still on your feet. Shiva decided to have beer. "We have whiskey. I ssssure am. After having fourty bottles of beer." After having five bottles of Rum. Bartender was shocked. "AB CHADHI ISKO!!!" The Old Drunk A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. after having five bottles of whisky and he is still on his feet.com/group/TopMasala/ . Bartender. Preasher.. Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says. "Mister. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. Get More fun stuff like this. "Let's try whiskey first. Lord shiva decided to try Rum. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. rum. beer." Bartender. I ddddidnt!" said the drunk.. "Sir. Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him. "Yess.topmasala. who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having four glasses of whiseky.com One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. "Vats.

I dddid not Reverrrrend.http://www. have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher. How do you do it?" "Well.com The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer. you're back again. you can be a complete as*hole when you are drunk" No More Peas There was a businessman." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time. "Superman. a man was drinking heavily. and he went to see the Doctor about it. and seconds laterhe has splatted straight onto the ground. "Hey.topmasala. Finally he went up to the man and asked. brother. minutes later. brings him up and says. thought to himself. "Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?" Drunk Superman On the top of a tall building in a large city. join TopMasala @ http://groups. have you found Jesus?" "Noooo. "Hey. then jumping off the balcony.yahoo. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process. I slow down and land gently. "Now. then walk out to the balcony and jump off. there was a bar. The bartender looks over to the other guy and says. "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground. why not?" So he goes out to the balcony. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot. Get More fun stuff like this. "My God man. It's lot of fun. jumps off.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone. In this bar. and he was feeling really crook. stone dead.com/group/TopMasala/ .TopMasala." The guy. you keep drinking. And yet. You should try it." said the other man. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him. who was also quite drunk.

I haven't had a game of golf in 3 years. everyone who can't swim. I gotta go home. Wiping his mouth off on his shirtsleeve. because I haven't had a smoke in four years. actually. "Man." Quite a shocker really. I haven't had a pea in 7 years.http://www. what sort of greens do you eat?" The man replies. "Well. but he gives it a go and sure enough. he says. I gave it up. I only eat peas. and proceeds to hurl all over himself. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Anyway. because it cost me my first marriage. grab a table. Listen. "Forever. you'll have to give them up!!" The guy says. years later. "That's nothing.com/group/TopMasala/ .. My wife is gonna kill me. drops his head down to his chest. that's your problem. so i gave it up!" The businessman says. so he realises that he will never eat a pea again. I hate all other green foods. and the barman goes. pushes himself away from the bar.com The doctor says to him. all those peas will be clogging up your system. one night. and now I've thrown up all over myself. I mean I really like peas!" The doctor replies. One of the reps says. "Well man. "Yeah.yahoo. "Really. one guy hiccups.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Ok. his condition improves. I'd love a cigarette. After a bunch of drinks over several hours. you got twenty bucks?" The first says. I'm already two hours late." The doctor was quite shocked at this and says." The barman jumps up screaming. "But how long for. "Well. it must be your diet.. he's at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed." Drunken Excuses Two guys are sitting at a bar. why?" Get More fun stuff like this. "Well. The second guy turns to the first and says.TopMasala. I'm afraid" The man is quite shocked by this.. "Naw she won't. actually.topmasala.

"Wait there's 40 bucks in here!" He says.topmasala. "Wait honey. he and the taxi driver are talking. When you get home and your wife asks what happened.com The second drunk says. a really drunk guy who has been in the bar way too long. "Great idea! Let's have another round". "Oh yeah. and the two continued to drink for the next couple of hours.com/group/TopMasala/ . The drunk guy goes.TopMasala. As he walks through the door. and you've got dried puke all over the front of you! What have you got to say for yourself ?!?" He says. Check my front pocket. sir.http://www. After giving directions back to his house. you tell her some guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you twenty bucks for the dry cleaning. the first guy’s wife is waiting up for him." She reaches in and pulls out the money. drunk as a skunk. The drunk guy leans forwards and says. "Take the twenty and put it in your front pocket. "BLLLLEEEEEECCCHHHHH!" Get More fun stuff like this." Taxi guy replied." The first guy says. I swear. Eventually they head home. he crapped in my pants too!!" A Puking Drunk A taxi driver goes to a bar to pick up his fare. Sure enough. I do it all the time.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. She says. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Look at you! You're pathetic!! You're five hours late." "Some french fries and some meat loafs?" "Not a problem. "Hey taxi-dude! Think you got enough room in the front for a case of beer and a couple of chicken burgers?" Taxi guy says "Sure! Not a problem. This drunken guy threw up on me and gave me twenty bucks to get my shirt dry cleaned. she takes a look at him and says. listen for a second.yahoo.

topmasala. Well." So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner.com Animal Jokes: A very insulting parrot Panda This elderly lady. The lady is absolutely stunned. do you look lovely this afternoon. marches down the stairs into the basement. I promise it won't happen again. She decides against puppies. and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying. "Why. of course.yahoo. he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger. "My. On the way. When the woman enters the building.com/group/TopMasala/ . She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. I did!" he replies." Within five minutes. bringing the parrot along. "Did you say that?" she asks. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you. swearing. yes. and even bit her once. "Why yes. and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She rips the parrot out of his cage. recently widowed. "You know. that would be delightful. The parrot is very cold.. into the cellar. goes down the stairs. I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?" The parrot says. join TopMasala @ http://groups.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. madam. I am deeply sorry. kitties. I know a charming place on 7th Street. she says. but one that paid such nice compliments. the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat. So she pays for him and takes him home. All she sees is a big green parrot. "Okay. the parrot begins complaining.http://www." The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot." She turns around quickly to see who has spoken.TopMasala. She says. but there is no one. etc. "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!" The parrot says. resting on his perch in his cage. Get More fun stuff like this. okay.

join TopMasala @ http://groups. When she finally takes him out. She followed them out of the library." Well. out of the town. The dealer asks. Around midday. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.. slam. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws. She gives them what they request. "I do have one question though. approach the librarian. and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before. This time.com and. At this point. what'd he do. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by. attack you?" A snail buys a fast new car Panda There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. After shopping around a while.http://www. they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!" These chickens want books Panda A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say.yahoo. into the freezer. 'Buk Buk BUK.topmasala. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240Z. and to a park. she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes. That turkey in there.' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. the parrot is one step away from death. "Why 'S'?" The snail replies. the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say.and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. he looks up at the lady and says.com/group/TopMasala/ . 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens.. "'S' stands for snail. the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail. but he wants it repainted "240-S". He is shivering and has light frost on the beak.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books. not Get More fun stuff like this. and decides to follow them. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon.TopMasala. he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. looking very annoyed and say. she hid behind a tree.

"Next semester in her biology class. beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. "Wow!" said the wife..TopMasala. to which the frog was saying. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told. nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home." Purchasing a new bird Panda After many years of marriage. became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. or what?" "No. "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit. "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. The shopkeeper. "This is great! Will I meet her at a party. powerful hairy forearms.. the wife saw this big.com | Fun Forum – http://forum." A frog calls a psychic Panda Recently." The frog says. observing her fascination with the bird. he exclaimed. the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more. "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. join TopMasala @ http://groups.com wanting to be seen. Get More fun stuff like this. "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately. he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. ugly. the shopkeeper said. a husband has turned into a couch potato. told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. snorting bird with a hairy chest. "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention. To demonstrate. Then one day at a pet store." says the psychic.yahoo.topmasala.com/group/TopMasala/ . She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond.http://www.

com When she entered the house. and all other ants started shouting at him. "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband. "Honey!" she exclaimed. sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. also if you decide to mount one.topmasala. you know is going to cost you plenty! If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them) they start going bad and fresh ones are always better. most are good to eat. they are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them right. join TopMasala @ http://groups..com | Fun Forum – http://forum. as usual.. Socho socho. the husband was.. Smart Ants All ants were bathing in a pool. in his usual bored tone replied.http://www..yahoo. Get More fun stuff like this. my foot!" Marriage should be like Fishing A marriage license should be like a fishing license... it expires every year and if you go fishing out of state you can get a 3 days license. girls and fish have a lot in common. If you think about it. One ant climbs at the back of the elephant. Now the question is what were they telling him??? Socho socho. All ants got out of water. "Goony Bird... Just then an eleplant comes and jumps in the pool..com/group/TopMasala/ ......TopMasala.

Everyone agreed that was good... "DUBA DUBA KE MAAR SALE KO." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He called his cat and said.. "Spreadsheet.. But the Chemist said his cat could do better.TopMasala. got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.." FOUR CATS The Four Cats ! Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .. do your stuff..http://www." Measure got up. Get More fun stuff like this. a square.yahoo.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. To show off.. took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle.. the second man was an Accountant... The first man was an Engineer. took out a quart of milk... walked to the fridge.topmasala.com all ants starts saying. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. do your stuff. do your stuff. He called his cat and said "Measure.. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies .. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. "T-square. and a triangle..." T-square pranced over to the desk.com/group/TopMasala/ . Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. the Engineer called his cat. the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

.......TopMasala... claimed he injured his back while doing so.....http://www..com Everyone agreed that was pretty good..................do your stuff........... drank the milk... Get More fun stuff like this...yahoo...... "Coffee Break. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said........... "What can your cat do?" The Government Employee called his cat and said.. join TopMasala @ http://groups......com/group/TopMasala/ .... sh*t on the paper......................... filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions..... ate the cookies.. screwed the other three cats......" Coffee Break jumped to his feet....com | Fun Forum – http://forum.topmasala....

" The man gives the employee a strange look and says... there's no animal that could ever learn how to speak two languages!" The employee smiles and says.. "Hello how are you?" The man smiles and says.. "Follow me I'll prove it." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. it's one of a kind. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk. "Go ahead. "Wow.. and pull on his right leg..http://www.. but it is bilingual. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Go ahead pull on the left leg.yahoo.. "No way. I fall down!" Sign language of a monkey ! A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed..TopMasala.and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.!!!!!!!!!! Bilingual Parrot Bilingual Parrot A man walks to the register and asks the employee. The parrot says.com put in for Workers Compensation... As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The parrot says.000 dollars?" The employee says. that parrot is extremely special. that's amazing!" The employee then says. "Kaise Ho?" The man was so excited and overwhelmed...... but can you tell me why that parrot costs $5.. cool. "Oh." So the man pulls on the parrot's right leg." The employee says. "Excuse me sir." So the man pulls on the parrot's left leg..topmasala...com | Fun Forum – http://forum.. and he says. Not only is it beautiful. "That is the coolest thing I've ever seen!" Please you've got to tell me what happens if I pull both of his legs?" The parrot turns and looks at the man and says... "Pagal.... Get More fun stuff like this.com/group/TopMasala/ .

Dogs understand what "NO" means." The monkey shakes his head "Yes. The monkey shakes his head "Yes. join TopMasala @ http://groups." She was incredibly ticked now. 6.TopMasala. When dogs play "fetch". 3.http://www. Again. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. Dogs are color blind." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey. "Hey lady. did you see this?" "Yes.topmasala." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing. The parrot said to her. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside. 9. The monkey shakes his head "Yes. You are really ugly. 2. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth." motioned the monkey. Pretentious parrot!! A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store."Well.. Dogs don t have problems expressing affection in public. The next day the same parrot again said to her. "Hey lady.yahoo.. the monkey shook his head up and down. "Hey lady. You can train a dog. 1. they don t laugh at how you throw." The lady was furious! She stormed past the store to her work. 4." "They were kissiing. 8." Get More fun stuff like this. "They were drinking?" asked the officer.com "You can understand what I am saying?" asked the officer. 2. Dogs miss you when you are gone." "Now wait. you are saying your owners were drinking.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. 5. 7." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.com/group/TopMasala/ . How Dogs Are Better Than Men. you are really ugly. too?" asked the astounded officer. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. "They were smoking marijuana?"The monkey shakes his head "Yes. smoking and kissing before they wrecked. you are really ugly.

Noah asks." Intelligent dog ! A wife says to her husband one weekend morning. Naturally. say the snakes. "Cut down some trees and let us live there". Noah checks on the snakes again. Smart snakes! The Flood is over and the ark has landed.topmasala. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her. "Why." Her husband replied. "Hey lady. does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man. The owner says." A few months later. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn t say it again.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/ . join TopMasala @ http://groups. say the snakes. Needless to say this begs the question "What can it do?" To which the owner replies "To be honest." She paused and said. The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1. Several more weeks pass. lots of dogs can do that. so we need logs to multiply. "Well. "You know. "We`ve got such a clever dog. "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".TopMasala. the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2.com The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn t do something about it. I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!". Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes.000 dollars. "Go forth and multiply.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. everybody is happy.http://www. "What`s the problem?" says Noah. Noah follows their advice. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning. "We`re adders. "Yes ?" And the bird replied. "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly"." The boss! A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. Lots of little snakes." Get More fun stuff like this. Noah lets all the animals out and says.000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals.

com The wife responded. "Well I didn`t!" Mightiest !! A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. Finally. follow me. Down through a valley they went. "I think it`s time to tell him he`s adopted. "Dear. "You are. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says. and fell to the ground.http://www. the female bird turned to her mate. but they persisted until he finally gave in. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. he slowly climbed the tree again. the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows. "Oh great lion. slams him against a tree half a dozen times. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla and ambled away. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk.com/group/TopMasala/ . " But we`ve never subscribed to any papers!" Smoke in bed ! The mother kangaroo suddenly leapt into the air and gave a cry of pain and anguish. the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now.yahoo. YES. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.topmasala. The lion feeling like it`d been run over by a safari wagon. After recovering. mighty lion! "Later. across a river and into a forest of trees. jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep." she chirped. Get More fun stuff like this. `How many more times do I have to tell you that you cannot smoke in bed!` Poor turtle! Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildbeest stammers. "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning." Blind as a bat!!! A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave`s roof to get some sleep. jumped. `Sidney!` she screamed. After hours of effort he reached the top. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala. "OK.

I`ll then get him into the truck while he`s still in a daze". Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks. he has just what he`s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. "Just because you don`t know the answer. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him.com/group/TopMasala/ .TopMasala. So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade. and if I fall. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground. After some discussion. "Hey what`s the shotgun for?" "Oh. and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.com The lion let out a moan of pain." Ape removal A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. This bothered him a bit. He brings the husband over to the colourful but quiet bird. I`m going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree.http://www. found a good location for the box. "occasionally when I shake the tree. "I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I`M PUTTING ON MY SHOES!" The purrfect gift! A few days before Christmas." says Harry. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help: "Now. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK`S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME? A little voice came out of the box. How about going to the bar and having a drink with me? But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. he finally bought a centipede. The man agrees that Chet certainly is Get More fun stuff like this. shoot the damn dog!" Unusual pet This guy was lonely. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. He took the box back home. IN THERE. he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Removal. So he asked the centipede in the box. you don`t have to get so mad. thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time. putting his face up against the centipede`s little house he shouted. The store manager tells him.topmasala. Not knowing quite what to do. a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun. which came in a little white box to use for his house. but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again. lifted his head weakly and hollered after the elephant. the gorilla shakes back. this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. Would you like to go to Frank`s with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. So he waited a few more minutes. HEY. yes. and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. a pair of handcuffs.yahoo.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. a pick-up truck.

Immediately Chet starts singing.com retty." The wife is absolutely impressed. he holds a lighter under Chet`s left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot`s special talent. the ship hit an iceberg and sank. threw it into a field across the street and headed back inside to watch television again.topmasala. One night in the middle of the magician's performance. he looks down and sees the snail who looks back up and says "What the Hell was that all about!!?". The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet`s left foot." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he`ll take him. who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times. Confused parrot A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot. The parrot got bored.yahoo. Holy Night.." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells.. He looks around for a second and just as he is about to close the door. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird`s legs.. He gets up and goes to see who`s there and there is no one.http://www. Jingle All the Way. long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts.TopMasala. Demonstrating. Just as he was about to sit down he heard the knock again but when he got there again. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells.. but he doesn`t seem to be much for singing." The husband is very impressed with Chet`s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet`s right foot. "Silent Night. He scratched his head.com/group/TopMasala/ . and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet`s legs instead. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. looked around for a second and looked down to see a tiny snail on the porch. there was no one at the door.. Get More fun stuff like this.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot. Three Years Later The same man is sitting on his sofa watching TV and hears a knock at the door.. his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn't figure out. He picked up the snail. He got up to see who it was but when he opened the door no one was there. and the bird begins to sing. "Chet`s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!" Poor Snail One day a man was sitting on his sofa at home when he heard a knock at the door. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

So the guy turns around to go back. but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. and allows you to see a distance. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches. By now. immediately collapsing from exhaustion. etc. It lets you pick up food. I get terrible neck pains. still eyeing him intently. What did you do with the ship?" Animal Complaints It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. The car gets real close. "Don't complain. The driver is a squirrel. is it?" Get More fun stuff like this. The squirrel says to the man. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. "Lord. I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy. a giraffe. perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. and makes me look like a fool!" The Lord said. And stared. The man walks faster. Looking up. Soon afterward.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/ . and finally the parrot squawks. the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. and a hen. join TopMasala @ http://groups. not even blinking." Tough job! There's a man trying to cross the street. The driver rolls down the window. he saw the parrot.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.com The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard. I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. the parrot flew to the magician.TopMasala. "Lord. and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him. And stared. Eventually the magician started to stir. "Don't complain. I give up. but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs. "See. "Awright. trying to hurry across the street. The elephant complained. it's not as easy as it looks. Another hour goes by.topmasala. "Lord. For a whole day the magician was unconscious. but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. It gets in the way. drink water. without getting wet!" Next the giraffe complained.http://www. I don't want to complain. then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. and people laugh at me!" The Lord said. They were an elephant." The hen spoke up.

"Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says. Peter.. and figured out that being a dog is too tiring. You can choose on your own" Joe thought about it for a while. and who are you?" he asked...com/group/TopMasala/ . "Smoking a joint. got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. I'm dead? I don't want to die . "I am St. "This is not your bedroom." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints.. finds the tree were the monkey is sitting. All of a sudden. Peter. "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree.. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups.. said St." "WHAT!!? Are you saying. kissing his wife. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river.. "Faaaaaaark dude. come up and have some.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.yahoo.. I want you to send me back immediately.. "you can only return as a dog or a hen.." said Joe. but a hen probably has a nice Get More fun stuff like this. he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. "Hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says.http://www. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? . "If I'm dead.. I'm too young.TopMasala. crawling into bed and falling to sleep.." the man replied. and you are in heaven. then asks the lizard.. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side.com Dopin' Lizard A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey. finishing a joint." "It's not that easy"..how much water did you drink?! The Dream Eggs! Joe did like he always does.. and he looks up and says.

However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog. you're shittin' all over the bed!" Dog`s Hand A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table..yahoo. and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players. raising.." Joe replied.. join TopMasala @ http://groups. and pushed more than he was good for. In the next second... for Christ's sake!!! Wake up . nicely feathered.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.com/group/TopMasala/ . Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.. "How does it feel?" "Well." he said. Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck twice..topmasala." "Oh that!" said the rooster. but it feels like my rear end is blowing up. it's OK I guess. "Wow" Joe said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. calling. he found himself in a chicken run..com and relaxed life. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. and then you push all you can. everything the other human players were doing.TopMasala. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. discarding. Get More fun stuff like this. "Joe." Joe clucked twice. "I want to return as a hen.. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow . "That's only the ovulation going on. "Hey. then along came the rooster. you must be the new hen on the farm.http://www. The third time he clucked. he heard his wife shout. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog.

Children Jokes: Mommy Test The Mommy Test I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. "He isn't that smart.com they just treated him like any other player. he must be the smartest dog in the world!" The player smiled and said.http://www." I was thinking quickly. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. You have to know it. join TopMasala @ http://groups. my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked.topmasala. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. Get More fun stuff like this. At this point. but she was evidently pondering this new information. are arguing which dog is smarter: First woman : My dog is so smart. who are dog owners. how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart. "I can't believe that dog is playing poker. It's on the Mommy Test. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players. Second woman : I know First one : How? Second one : My dog told me.com | Fun Forum – http://forum." The comparison! Two women. "Because it's been on the ground. "All moms know this stuff. "Mommy.yahoo. every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail. you don't know where it's been. it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. "Why?" my daughter asked.TopMasala." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes.com/group/TopMasala/ . or they don't let you be a Mommy.

"Then you used to kiss me. The husband was falling a sleep.topmasala. When you're finished laughing. gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.I get it!" she beamed.. held her hand for a second." Wearily he reached across. An older couple was lying in bed one night. Thirty seconds later she said. "Where are you going ?" she asked. he reached across.TopMasala.yahoo." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face. but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. and tried to get back to sleep.com/group/TopMasala/ . "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily." Mildly irritated. he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed..com "OH. send this to a Mom! Old AGE!.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "To get my teeth!" LITTLE JOHNNY EYES CREAM Get More fun stuff like this. "You use to hold my hand when we were courting. "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy. She said.http://www. A few moments later she said. join TopMasala @ http://groups.

he said. and He wanted it back. "Giving up?" Accuracy There was a knock at the door. I noticed two additions: a baseball and A broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. Taking one look at the ball.http://www. A few minutes later. I don't know. one look at the window. "Let's talk.com Little Johnny watched. who had just opened his book.topmasala. "Wow ! I must have thrown it right through that hole!" Interesting topic! A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." said his mother. about six years Old. and said to the stranger. she began removing the cream with a tissue. "How do you suppose This ball got in here?" I asked the boy." said the stranger.yahoo. It was a small boy. mommy?" he asked. Something of his had found its way into my garage. Upon opening the garage door.TopMasala. closed it slowly. and one look at Me. "What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny." Little Johnnie. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh.com/group/TopMasala/ . The boy exclaimed. "Why are you rubbing that cream on you face. "To stay pretty for daddy. fascinated. as his mother was putting cold cream on her face. "How about nuclear power?" Get More fun stuff like this.

would that get me into Heaven?" Again.topmasala. something fell out of the Bible. "NO!" the children all answered. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again." said Little Johnnie. look what I found". Suddenly.yahoo." "Well. his foot broke free and he fell backwards. A horse. I got it myself. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared. "NO!" Get More fun stuff like this. "I think it's Adam's underwear!" Praying Johnny! Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. To his horror he saw a train coming. AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress. his foot was still stuck. then. and a deer all eat grass. and loved my wife. "That could be an interesting topic. please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!" Still nothing his foot was wedged tight." said Little Johnnie.com "OK. then. please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!" Nothing happened.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. The same stuff. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Panicked he started to pray." said the stranger.http://www. I'll stop swearing.TopMasala. "NO! "Well." Entry to Heaven! "If I sold my house. As he struggled to free his foot. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez. mowed the yard. "If I cleaned the church every day. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Adam's dress A little boy opened the big family bible. dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice.com/group/TopMasala/ . Again. the answer was. and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. "God. "I have no idea. looked toward Heaven and said. dusted himself off." Just as the train was about to hit Johnny. and kept everything neat and tidy. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty. please. I'll quit being bad. the boy called out. they all answered. He picked up the object and looked at it. "What have you got there. he heard a noise and turned around. the train narrowly missing him. "Mama. my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church. would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class. "God. he answered. He tried his plea one more time. if you get my foot out of the tracks. But let me ask you a question first. a cow. He got up. "Thanks anyway God. "God. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck.

After going all the way around the room.topmasala. He asked his parents.com "Well.yahoo. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE." said the boy. The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.. At bedtime. the stork brought them too!" said the parent.. "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" Natural childbirth! A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. "How was I born?" "Well honey . "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out. the children left. "Oh. join TopMasala @ http://groups. there was a moment of silence at the table. during which one child was heard to say. how did you and daddy get born?" he asked." Robert continued. the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.. the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.TopMasala. it is Vanishing cream!" Christmas prayer Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. "Well. Several days later.http://www. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.com/group/TopMasala/ . I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM. Get More fun stuff like this. "the stork brought you to us." Vanishing cream! During a dinner party." said the slightly prudish parent." "OH." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. As they disappeared out of sight....com | Fun Forum – http://forum. the stork brought us too. "You see. "Well darling.

He's been there for a few years now. For a few minutes. when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk.http://www." the grandfather answered.com I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR. Johnnie. God made me. the little girl asked him. where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf. I'll show you.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. then that water ain't fit to drink!" Better job Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked." Stupidest kid! A businessman was talking with his barber.com/group/TopMasala/ . Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie. "Did God made you. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator. "You know. Grandpa. At last she spoke up. he saw two big eyes looking back at him. the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa. Get More fun stuff like this." she said.TopMasala. while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind." replied Johnnie. A few minutes later.. Here. as well as her own reflection in the mirror. "I know.yahoo. "That's Johnnie. Why. He did." To which the little brother replied. join TopMasala @ http://groups." the older man answered. As he was dipping the bucket in. The barber whispered. but Grandma is!" Scared!!! One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner.. "if he's as scared as I am." "Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber. "God's doing a lot better job lately. "Well now. Grandpa?" "Yes.topmasala. one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. "Did God make me too?" "Yes. Gramma. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!" The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his choice. he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well. "I can't get any water from that water hole." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said. and he's never hurt no one.

"If I take the quarter.topmasala. "Well accordin' to the Bible." Children of Israel At the Henry Street Hebrew School. but in the autumn." agreed Goldblatt. Amy." "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians. the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this. Goldblatt. an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important. right?" "All that is right. Goldblatt." demanded Joey.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. or black. It was now time for the usual question period. "The sky is definitely blue. finished the day's lesson." "Sorry." Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks. the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime. too. The barber looked at the businessman and said. right?" "Er--right. "Mr." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt." "An' the Children of Israel built the Temple. Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said. but the sky can sometimes be gray." A second little boy says.com/group/TopMasala/ . "Trees are definitely green.TopMasala.http://www. "Sorry. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "See." announced little Joey.yahoo. the new teacher. "there's something I can't figure out. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"? Definitely ! A nursery school teacher says to her class. "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says." The teacher says. I told you. right?" "Again you're right. an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans. right?" "Right." After his haircut. the trees are brown. "Johnny! Of course not!!!" Get More fun stuff like this." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines.com Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand. the game is over.

with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. What's yours?" asked the first boy. she reads it.topmasala. we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure. it's not true. with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend..com | Fun Forum – http://forum.com "OK. "My name is Jimmy.I love you! Honest Law yer! Two small boys were overheard talking one day. I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. join TopMasala @ http://groups.com/group/TopMasala/ . for Ahmed to get better. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer. "Johnnie.TopMasala." "Honest?" asked Jimmy. Don't worry Mom.then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!" Shocking letter A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. "My Daddy's a lawyer.yahoo. In the meantime..With the worst premonition. I found real passion and he is so nice. Johnnie replied.http://www. Get More fun stuff like this. I'm at the neighbor's house." replied the second. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy. who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want. But it is not only that mom. Judith PS: Mom. Love Your daughter.. he deserves it. I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends.. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. "My Daddy's an accountant.

5. I don't. I just stay inside my apartment all day and night. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas . we go to a nice restaurant.TopMasala. If I let go. join TopMasala @ http://groups. One woman cried all day long. No. my dear. good food and companionship. "I'm fine. After a week or two.. I go on Fridays. Mam." says his mother. " Angus said. She goes on Tuesdays. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.but she keeps finding her way back.topmasala. "I suggest you don't associate with people like that. have a little beverage. Strange Neighbour There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. Get More fun stuff like this. "I don't." "Oh.http://www. and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time." "Well. We also sleep in separate beds.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. playing my bagpipes. replied Johnnie. 2. another lies on her floor moaning. So I suggested the kitchen. We always hold hands. 3.. I take my wife everywhere. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. just the regular kind". "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments.com/group/TopMasala/ ." says Angus. his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new life. she shops.com "No. 4. Two times a week." Martial Woes: Perfect Marriage 1. .yahoo..

She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" .. Get More fun stuff like this. she told me "In the lake. Can you see the problem? Needs must be communicated. 12.TopMasala. Then the mud fell off. join TopMasala @ http://groups.! My wife asked "What's on the TV?"I said "Dust!" No Relationship without Expectation Having expectations in our culture is expected. we b***h. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you.http://www. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship. She ran after the garbage truck. She has an electric blender. I just didn't know her first name was Always. So I bought her an electric chair. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.com/group/TopMasala/ . Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. we become disappointed. jump in!" 10.I don't like to interrupt her." 8. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. I married Miss Right.com 6. The driver said "No. if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me. For example.topmasala. One love partner knows the expectation. Needs can be cussed and discussed. yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" . 11.. The last fight was my fault though. we moan. We are brought up that way.. 13. Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true. Expectations are rarely ever communicated.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. electric toaster and electric bread maker.yahoo. 9. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. 7. I will most likely be disappointed. That is a problem for most people. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the other.. it is only and always an unrealistic expectation. I asked where the car was.

Some say.http://www. Since we are detached from the way things need to work out. or worse. we often get angry or disappointed. by changing our thinking about expectations.yahoo. "If you always expect the best for your relationship. things may turn out better than we imagined. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings. We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices. Working together on problems makes us stong.topmasala. Simple.TopMasala. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. By considering a new point of view.com "Expect the best. Disappointment usually follows. join TopMasala @ http://groups. That is when the adventure begins. Not easy. surprises you can enjoy together. to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay. Surprises create a sense of adventure." is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. This will always generate lots of surprises. . we may be surprised by the result. Even when we imagine the very best. It only means that if your expectations don't get met. While there is something to be said about "expecting the best. Once we learn to identify our own individual. Problems are not to break us. that the results are always bad. we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. or both. . Try this: "No expectations. . we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. healthy needs. Get More fun stuff like this. the adventure the heart was crying for. everything will work out better. surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience. This does not mean that when your expectations do not get met." we must remember that disappointment comes from unfulfilled expectations. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our expectations." This is a myth. those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to selfinquire.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together. we are often surprised.com/group/TopMasala/ . . You don't always get what you expect. They bring couples together and give them something to share.

It's the things we don't communicate because the last time we did. By "give yourself away. When duty does not meet our needs. Never give yourself away in the relationship.com/group/TopMasala/ . However.yahoo. if there are children in the relationship you have a responsibility to take care of them. to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. to be understood. If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can. The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs.topmasala. In my opinion. we either choose to have conversations about them or not. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. We have more to lose because now we know what we want. you have a responsibility to take care of your need to not have it feel like duty. argument. And we have a responsibility for getting our needs met. We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. So. your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage. frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. it caused a confrontation. anger. The next thing you know is. The outcome is less predictable. always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the wrong direction. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment. the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations.http://www. Everyone has a need to be loved. regardless of whether their choices are our choices. the less likely this will occur. of course! You focus on your needs and make a Get More fun stuff like this.TopMasala. it is something to be avoided. join TopMasala @ http://groups. For example. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don't show up in our relationship.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. When it feels like duty. There is some risk involved. our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in. There is a difference between duty and responsibility. Having needs with no expectations about how they will be fulfilled causes us to feel vulnerable. The healthier image you have of yourself." I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship. we create vulnerability.com By thinking in terms of needs instead of expectations.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! Get More fun stuff like this. Express your needs with love. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable. but the thought of long life will never come.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. .yahoo. Talk about what you need with your partner.TopMasala. Man: Will it help? Dr: No. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace. have no expectations. you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined M ARRIAGE without any prejudice All about MARRIAGE without any prejudice Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. as best you can.topmasala.com commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. We often call things that happen that cause disappointment. join TopMasala @ http://groups. good or bad. it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy. problems.com/group/TopMasala/ . . It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way. Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. If your relationship is not full of surprises. The predicaments that follow are predictable.http://www. To avoid disappointment or problems. What you can be with in life lets you be! When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you.

.TopMasala.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ? To tell each other affectionately. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. and I can just wait for my coffee.." Wife replies."HEBREWS" Get More fun stuff like this. Sweetheart U R Dead! There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. "I can't believe that... . and besides...http://www." The husband said." So she fetched the Bible.yahoo." Husband replies. join TopMasala @ http://groups. that it indeed says .. Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai? Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare..com/group/TopMasala/ . if suicide is better or being murdered. what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.com Wife: Darling today is our anniversary. because you get up first. it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee. you should do it.. and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. because that is your job. The wife said. "You should do it... "No. and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages.. It's like asking someone. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it.topmasala. WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. show me. " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it.

"Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee. "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room..topmasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups.TopMasala. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said. "You're lucky. and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. My wife thinks that in the daytime!" Get More fun stuff like this. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.com Yeah Baby A woman wakes up during the night to find that her husband was not in bed." Bill said to his friend Tom. "Yes I do" she replies. I remember" said the wife.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. The husband continued. lowering herself into a chair beside him. He appears to be in deep thought. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said. Replied Tom.yahoo. 'Either you marry my daughter. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.com/group/TopMasala/ ." Millionaire "Last night my wife told me she dreamed she was married to a millionaire. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes. "I would have been released today. The husband pauses .the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly. just staring at the wall.http://www.

considering her record.http://www. may I approach the bench?" "Well. who worked from a studio in his home. leaning forward.com/group/TopMasala/ . The model said." The husband jumped to his feet. "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case." Get More fun stuff like this. please." The husband wasted no time getting there and.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Do you agree?" The woman agreed. He told her that he would pay her for the day.com Six Nights A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court. she began to undress for the day's work. his model reported. let me fix it for you. As usual. and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk. There were six tomatoes in the can. he said in a low voice." Nude Masterpiece There was this artist. but that she could just go home.TopMasala. addressing the judge. off to bed. and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. You may approach the bench. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that. "Your honor. taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. he was forced to impose a jail term. He specialized in nudes.topmasala. He told her not to bother.yahoo. "Oh." said his honor. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail. he just wanted some hot tea and then. It's the least I can do. as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "She also stole a can of peas. "This time you stole a can of tomatoes.

Suspicious Wife A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid. Quick! Take all your clothes off. saved all his money. put it into my account and wrote a cheque. his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her. then some familiar footsteps. I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?" The loyal wife replied. Her friend said. and was a real miser. The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. "It's my wife. Get More fun stuff like this.com He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. He was stretched out in the casket.com/group/TopMasala/ . Just before he died he said to his wife.TopMasala. "Listen I'm a Christian I can't go back on my word. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Well he died.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Girl.yahoo. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him.topmasala. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say." Loyal Wife There was a man who had worked all his life. when he heard the front door open and close. "Oh my God!" he whispered loudly." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him. "Wait a minute!" She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea. if he can cash it he can spend it.http://www. "I got it all together. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." said the wife." "You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!" "I sure did.

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She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her... After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur. Dying Husband A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalised. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money." "Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please... tell me

what I can do?" "Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters." Crazy Love A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors. Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.

"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.

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The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor. The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!" "She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad." They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!" "Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also." "No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!" Married Life Not long after his marriage, Joe and his father, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked the father, "how is married life treating you?" "Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed Joe. "It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned. "That's right," moaned Joe. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!" Joe's father nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?" Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!" "Fine," replied the father, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

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The New Wife The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech: "My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years". "What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law. "What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law): Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning". "Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law. "As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"

Extra Marital affairs.. Extra Marital affairs....I bet u'll laugh till u drop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

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http://www. We had sex all afternoon.com/group/TopMasala/ . The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. "I'm having an affair with my secretary. "I can't lie to you. He told his wife." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He put on his shoes and drove home." he replied.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied.topmasala. "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.yahoo. "Not this time!" The 3th Affair: Get More fun stuff like this. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. join TopMasala @ http://groups.com The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.TopMasala.

" "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. went to the bar and ordered a beer. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "have this. went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. Sir." "One Cent?" the man thought." she replied. "Hurry.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "Here. "Don't move until I tell you." No more was said." he said to the statue.yahoo." she said. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us. "Pretend you're a statue.TopMasala. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing. then dusted him with talcum powder." She rubbed baby oil all over him. not even when they went to bed." The 4th Affair: A man walked into a cafe. "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel. "Oh it's a statue. too.http://www. that'll be one cent. "stand in the corner." she said. Around 2 AM the husband got up. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" Get More fun stuff like this. He glanced at the menu and asked.com/group/TopMasala/ . "Certainly." the barman replied.com A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.topmasala.

cutting out more adverts for me to apply. His wife sat at the bedside.http://www. You were there beside me. your best friend.com/group/TopMasala/ . "I have something I must confess. and your mother!" "I know. He looked up and said weakly.." The 5th Affair: Jake was dying. "No.topmasala. encouraging me to go on trying." Get More fun stuff like this. her best friend. He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. I failed again and again. "Now just rest and let the poison work." She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs. with my wife. "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied. I know.com | Fun Forum – http://forum." his wife replied... which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. "Upstairs.TopMasala.." she replied. When I was a struggling University student. The impact was on his head. "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." Freaking Jinx A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. join TopMasala @ http://groups." The man asked. you were there beside me. "I want to die in peace." "There's no need to. When he opened his eyes.com The bartender replied. his wife was there beside him. even my re-papers as well." he insisted. I slept with your sister. And sometimes..yahoo.

in Burkha etc and goes out.. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised.yahoo.TopMasala.. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!". Bewildered by now.com/group/TopMasala/ . the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.com He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out.topmasala. He said.http://www. And you were there beside me. As such. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were still beside me. Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. you are here beside me. join TopMasala @ http://groups. he could not help asking. "How did you recognise me?" Get More fun stuff like this. sobbing with emotion.. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!" Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as amuslim woman ..There's something I'd really like to say to you." "Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room and still not be able to go out shopping.. "You're a freaking jinx!" Sports Jokes: what happened after india lost to srilanka??? After the shameful defeat of Team India . Yet the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".com | Fun Forum – http://forum. All in vain." She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband.... " Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up.

"I remember now. you're so stupid. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. "They're all at the funeral. "This was my wife's seat." He picked up his No. He had no idea what to answer." The other man replied.TopMasala. The last question read. "Old MacDonald had a ________.http://www." Taking the final exam Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam." said Bubba. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. "Bubba. Looking with his binoculars. Tapping Tiny's Get More fun stuff like this. She passed away. Tiny. The exam was fill-in-theblank." Bubba was stumped. When he arrived at the seat. "Pssst."I am Sachin!" An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau.com The lady replied . Making sure the professor wasn't watching. he asked the man sitting next to it.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/ .topmasala. he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He stopped. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied. She was a big Packers fan. If they failed. join TopMasala @ http://groups."I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. "Is this seat taken?" The man replied. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM." "Oh yeah.

"Tiny. or enjoy a weekend in Rio. as if that weren't bad enough.http://www.yahoo. "HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING" Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. two thousand dollars is nothing more than three months rent or mortgage payments. For you. trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari. Hundreds of basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level! Atrocious! And. he whispered. real estate. That's so easy. how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb. join TopMasala @ http://groups. It's just not right. now is the time for us to show the world just how much we care. you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. but to a basketball player it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. But now you can help! For about two thousand dollars a day--that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV--you can help a basketball player remain economically viable during his time of need. Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering. Get More fun stuff like this. Your commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center. you will receive a photo of the player (unsigned).com/group/TopMasala/ . Although the player won't know your name. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O. bonds. Plus upon signing up for this program. "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?" Each month.com shoulder again. 401(k). Two thousand dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you. he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses. But to a basketball player. Bubba.com | Fun Forum – http://forum." Adopt an NBA player THE NBA PLAYER ADOPTION PROGRAM NEEDS YOU! With an NBA player's strike against the team owners looming.topmasala. they will be deprived of pay for several weeks--possibly a whole year--as a result of the strike. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump sum he will receive upon retirement. Detailed information about his stocks.TopMasala. two thousand dollars a day will almost replace his salary.

TopMasala.com Simply fill out the form below.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. * Higher cost ** Much higher cost *** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team (Sorry. Please charge the account listed below $2. My preference is checked below: [ ] Starter [ ] Reserve [ ] Star* [ ] Superstar** [ ] Entire team*** [ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need.79 per day for a reserve player or starter for the duration of the strike.054.topmasala.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/ . does not include cheerleaders). Please select one for me.Date:____________________________ Signature: _________________________ Get More fun stuff like this. join TopMasala @ http://groups. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored. I want to help! I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball player. ___YES. along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel.http://www. [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] DiscoverCard [ ] Diner's Club Your Name: __________________________ Telephone Number: __________________ Account Number: _____________________ Exp.

telephone calls. When she reached her final destination.com Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone. So she moves again. She was unable to have her boat perform. So the man cooly says "Well first of all. Oh yes. So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole. "How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde. travel through water.http://www.topmasala. and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there". and second of all.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. but not limited to. contributions are not tax-deductible. letters.TopMasala. you're going to have to pay for those holes. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her. Keep in mind that the basketball player you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his free time. Early the next morning. join TopMasala @ http://groups. but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there. this is a hockey rink.com/group/TopMasala/ .yahoo. thanks to your generous donations." Boat troubles During late spring one year. (Children under 18 must have parental approval. or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried. Blonde Jokes: I'm going ice fishing! A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift.) Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have sponsored. she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. e-mail. or third parties. either in person or by other means including. a blonde was trying out her new boat. Get More fun stuff like this.

a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. join TopMasala @ http://groups. "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice. "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -. Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. still strapped in place securely.topmasala.com After trying for over three days to make it work properly. was the trailer. Each one of US is blonde." Our bartender IS blonde. "Nah.yahoo.TopMasala. "Well. she decided to seek help. Think about it.nothing happens. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2". She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing." Horns There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area. Blonde Sky Divers A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. huh?" Are You Really Sure? A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender. the guy next to him says. ma'am. So. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race.com/group/TopMasala/ . Because he was laughing so hard. weighs 225. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says. I'm a 6' tall. "Before you tell that joke. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. and he's a rugby player. Mister. Other Get More fun stuff like this. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. then began in a patient tone. She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.http://www." she inquired. you should know something. not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. Under the boat. cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. he came up choking on water and gasping for air. the bouncer is blonde. 200 lb black belt. "Sir.

The blonde replies." He thought for a moment and asked. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns." the voice replied. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable. is 'cause it's a horse.com times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in.yahoo. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. Still. "What is the capital of Massachusetts?" She quickly replied. "I'm young.http://www. Get More fun stuff like this. blonde and beautiful. "I'm not so dumb. "M!" Longer Ladder "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone.topmasala. But the reason this cow don't have no horns. "Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!" "This is the Fire Department. join TopMasala @ http://groups. I know all of the states and capitals. quiz me." Flustered. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals. Go ahead. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department. ma'am. the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. she moves forward to the last empty one. and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. She says. "They need a longer ladder!" First Class Blondie A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. it's YOU I want!" she yelled.com | Fun Forum – http://forum.TopMasala." State Capitals There was this guy who was married to a blonde. That night when he got home he told his joke. and that stops 'em cold." "No. lady. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats.com/group/TopMasala/ .

so he stops his truck and walks over to the car. and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. but wherever it is. who were watching with rapt attention. So he stops his truck." The wrong way! A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she`d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. He replies. so she could not enter heaven either. When she got to the 999th step. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven. The pilot and flight attendant. and that he can take care of the problem." "I know. and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step. which had also stopped and said. and walks over to the car.yahoo. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No. "Why are you laughing?" God asked." Don't laugh! A brunette. join TopMasala @ http://groups. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.com/group/TopMasala/ . a redhead." the blonde replied. this truck driver hated to be tailgated. A little while later he looks in his rearview mirror. stop tailgating me. blonde and beautiful. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps. "Hey lady. "I just got the first joke.com Again." So he gets back in truck and drives away. the blonde replies. or I`ll bust up your car. it was the blonde's turn. and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion. Well. it must be bad `cause all the people are leaving. if you don`t stop tailgating me. and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend. so she could not enter heaven. together ask the copilot what he had said to the woman. lady.http://www." Get More fun stuff like this. gets out. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step. "Thank you so much. Bolnde tailgating! One day a truck driver was driving down a highway when he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a blonde in a little blue car tailgating him. I`m going to bust up your car." hugs the co-pilot.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA. Then. and sees the blonde tailgating him again. "Hey.TopMasala. says. She immediately gets up. saying. "I'm young. "I didn't tell a joke. she started laughing. and rushes back to her seat in the coach section.topmasala.

"I stepped out the circle and you didn`t see me!!!!!!!!" The grip! One blonde was painting the ceiling as the other painted the room." So the blonde steps out of her car. she made for the nearest frozen lake." Then he proceeds to bust up the blonde`s car. I`m taking away the ladder. walks over to the car.yahoo. after getting all the necessary items together.com/group/TopMasala/ . cuts the brake lines. "Lady. "Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde. join TopMasala @ http://groups. The truck driver walks over to the blonde. giggling. saying. and says. and the truck driver draws a circle on the roadside.TopMasala. "Lady. and busts all the tires. Get More fun stuff like this. She`d seen many books on the subject.topmasala. And the blonde keeps laughing. He takes a sledge hammer from his truck. A little while later he again looks in his rearview mirror. get out. Smashing the windshields and windows. and you`re still laughing.com So he gets back in his truck and drives away. And the blonde starts laughing.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. and finally. And the blonde is still laughing.http://www. hold on tight." Ice fishing! A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. "Well. "Now don`t step out of that circle. she started to make a circular cut in the ice. and pounds in the frame. I just completely totaled your car." said the other blonde. So he stops his truck. and once again the blonde is tailgating him. After positioning her footstool. until the car is completely totaled. etc. What is so funny?????" The blonde replies. rips out the steering wheel. and says. "Sure. The truck driver rips out the seats.

now quite worried. "No. "Is that you."I`m afraid we`re going to have to give you a Breathalyzer test to see whether or not you`ve been drinking. and one was a brunette.yahoo. sat up her stool. and said." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde. and tried again to cut her hole. from the sky." Applause ! There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.topmasala. "Ma`am. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I`m the Ice-Rink Manager!" Air Freshener !! A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a `blonde lady` driver.TopMasala. a voice boomed. the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror. join TopMasala @ http://groups.http://www. the voice bellowed. Lord?" The voice replied." Get More fun stuff like this.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. thank goodness you`re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn`t then the rope would break and everyone would die. the motorcycle cop waved the speeding sports car over to the curb. When he walked up to the drivers window. all of the blondes started clapping.com Suddenly. "Ma`am. he was surprised to find a very attractive blonde behind the wheel. Ten were blonde. that`s your air freshener.com/group/TopMasala/ . so finally the brunette said. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped. Breathalyzer test! After a wild freeway chase. from the heavens. is there a reason that you`re weaving all over the road"? The woman replied. "I`ll get off. "Mam.. looked skyward. No one could decide who should go. Again. the officer replied. "Oh officer. moved way down to the opposite end of the ice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled." he said .

" Get more fun stuff like this.google. Her friend said. "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.com | Fun Forum – http://forum. The police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for her driving license. Join TopMasala Today at http://groups. "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it. if I had known you were a police officer too. "May I see your licence? Lady.topmasala.com The test was taken and as the officer eyed the results. The officer opens it up and says. you`ve had a couple of stiff ones. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman. "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.TopMasala. and asked her what their names were.yahoo.com/group/TopMasala/ ." "That`s amazing!"the girl cried. "Why did you give them names like that?" The blonde responded.com/group/TopMasala/ and http://groups. we could have avoided all this hassle.yahoo. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.http://www. join TopMasala @ http://groups. And. he said. too!" Watch dogs A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs." Driving License A blonde was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. the blonde cop said "You dummy.com/group/TopMasala/ Get More fun stuff like this."You mean it shows that. "You're free to go. it's got your picture on it!" The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom. "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated. "Lady. handed it back to the driver and said. "What does it look like?" Officer. The blonde cop looked in the mirror. Officer." The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer. "What else would you name watch dogs?" Police officer A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding. She held it up to her face and said.

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