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Mall Cop 3

Mall Cop 3

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Published by Timothy Noonan
We've seen Mall Cop and Observe and Report, now it's time for the third movie about mall cops...
We've seen Mall Cop and Observe and Report, now it's time for the third movie about mall cops...

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Published by: Timothy Noonan on Apr 20, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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04/20/2011

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"Mall Cop 3" Parody Sketch Written by Tim Noonan

385 S. Catalina Ave. Apt. 222 Pasadena, CA 91106 tnoonan10@netscape.net (617) 605 - 5028

FADE IN: INT. MALL -- AFTERNOON SERIES OF SHOTS - MALL HAPPENINGS --teenagers flirting in the food court --middle aged couple holding bags as they go up the escalator --old people walking around ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Kevin James introduced us to a loveable mall cop with Paul Blart. Seth Rogen brought us a darker mall cop in Observe and Report. And now, bringing you a darker, dark comedy about mall cops, Bruce Campbell, in Rob Zombie's "Shoplifters Beware..." The title appears on the screen and drips blood. MALL STORE A teenager looks around before grabbing a folded shirt and stuffing it into his jacket. He looks around and reaches again. HIS HAND His fingers are an inch from the shirt when a MEAT CLEAVER comes down and severs his hand at the wrist. PULL BACK The boy holds his blood squirting stump. Bruce holds his cleaver in one hand, picks up the boys hand with the other. BRUCE Now that's what I call a "five finger discount." DRESSING ROOM A woman pulls a shirt over her head. She notices a peeping tom looking through the slats in the door. She screams, we hear him scrambling to get away, followed by a soft wet thud. She puts on her shirt and opens the door. The peering tom is pushed against the wall, his eyes impaled on hanging hooks, blood dripping down the wall.

2. Bruce stands beside him, tips his hat to the woman. BRUCE (CONT'D) He sure got "an eye-full." She smiles uncomfortably and pulls the door closed. ESCALATOR Bruce is feeding someone into the escalator like a wood chipper. Blood and guts fly out and splatter everything. He brushes off his hands and stands beside his partner. BRUCE (CONT'D) The mall will be closing in ten minutes. His partner looks away from the carnage to Bruce. PARTNER That one doesn't even make sense. Bruce smiles and lets out an overly hearty series of laughs. He pats him on the back. BRUCE Johnson, you're all right. Johnson just grimaces. ANNOUNCER Shoplifters Beware: The Darker, Dark Comedy About Mall Cops. Coming Soon. FADE OUT: THE END

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