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SCENE: The stage of the Colonial Theatre in Boston. TIME: 1959 (CURTAIN RISES a prairie town schoolhouse. A CHARACTERS are on the Old Wild West, outside a white CROWD of WESTERN SINGING and DANCING.)

COMPANY WIDE OPEN SPACES! EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE THOSE WIDE OPEN SPACES! WHERE THE FUTURE WAITS FOR YOU AND ME. IT'S KANSAS FOREVER AND WHEREVER I MAY ROAM, I SEE THOSE WIDE OPEN SPACES AND KNOW THAT KANSAS IS HOME! WIDE OPEN SPACES ... HMMMMM ... RANDY (as Parson Tuck) Well, it's almost high noon and there don't seem to be no more challengers for the sharpshootin' contest! NIKI (as Schoolmarm) Oh, Parson Tuck, I was sure that masked gunslinger called "The Hood" was going to save our schoolhouse. RANDY (as Parson Tuck) No, they put Rob Hood in jail for robbin' from the rich Cattle Barons and givin' the money back to the farmers. (Beat.) RANDY (as Parson Tuck) (Continued) What do you say to that, Madam Marian? (Beat.) NIKI (as Schoolmarm) Madam Marian, would you like us to Hold our Horses one second? JESSICA CRANSHAW (as Madam Marian) Hold your horses one second! I see someone takin' aim at this here target. RANDY (as Parson Tuck) He can't win. There's already a bullet smack dab in the middle of the bull`s-eye!

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JESSICA CRANSHAW (as Madam Marian) Why he shot that other bullet in half! NIKI (as Schoolmarm) No, not quite yet. (A GUNSHOT RINGS OUT.) JESSICA CRANSHAW (as Madam Marian) Why he shot that other bullet in half! NIKI (as Schoolmarm) He saved the schoolhouse! And here he comes now! Why, it's Rob Hood! COMPANY That's Rob Hood! / It's that man they call The Hood. / He must have broke out of jail! / Consternation! (ROB HOOD enters wearing a green cowboy hat and hood.) JESSICA CRANSHAW (as Madam Marian) I wonder what face belongs to those lips I longed to kiss? (ROB HOOD pulls off his hood, revealing:) BOBBY (as Rob Hood) This face! NIKI (as Schoolmarm) Why it's that friendly lawman from the east I was so crazy about! I thought you were all done with us! BOBBY (as Rob Hood) Not when this place is where I want to be, where I belong, keepin' company with the people I care the most about. Will you be my lawful wedded wife, Miss Nancy? NIKI (as Schoolmarm) Oh Hood, yes! (CHEERS from the CROWD.) CROWD DING-DONG, DING-DONG! RANDY (as Parson Tuck) I SAID IT FROM THE PULPIT: WE THOUGHT HE WAS A CULPRIT. BUT HE DONE HIS LEVEL BEST TO DO SOME GOOD.

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NIKI (as Schoolmarm) HE LEFT THE BAD GUYS SOBBIN', THEY CURSED HIM, VOICES THROBBIN': JESSICA (as Madam Marian) "DAMN THAT SCHEMIN', STEALIN', THIEVIN', ROBBIN' HOOD." BOBBY (as Rob Hood) I ONLY GAVE YOU BACK WHAT ONCE WAS YOURS! COMPANY THE HOME AND STATE WE CALL THE GREAT OUTDOORS! WIDE OPEN SPACES! EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE THOSE WIDE OPEN SPACES! WHERE THE FUTURE WAITS FOR YOU AND ME. JESSICA IT'S KANSAS FOREVER, ALL AND WHEREVER I MAY ROAM, COMPANY I'LL SEE THOSE WIDE OPEN SPACES AND KNOW THAT KANSAS IS MY HOME! K - A - N - S - A - S - U - S - A! (CURTAIN.)

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(CURTAIN UP for the COMPANY BOWS.) Brisk, over-striving BOWS MUSIC. Cast Members take their bows in that hurried manner as when a troupe is afraid there may not be enough applause out there to cover them through the final curtain. "Schoolmarm" NIKI HARRIS takes her quick bow and relinquishes her place to male lead BOBBY PEPPER, who again removes his green "Hood" mask with a flourish. Down the theatre's aisles come TWO MEN in tuxedos, each holding a bouquet of flowers which they toss onto the stage as JESSICA CRANSHAW arrives at the edge of the proscenium. She extends her arms to the audience and then, as cymbals crash, she sings a last line and impulsively brings both hands to her mouth as if to blow a kiss. FOUR MALE DANCERS begin a kick line with JESSICA in the center, the COMPANY joining the line as they SING ONE LAST CHORUS ... we suddenly notice that JESSICA is being held up only by the linked arms of the alarmed dancers on either side of her. Her feet drag and flail on the stage as if she were a rag doll. She drops to the floor. (All gasp.) BOBBY She's fainted. Curtain! (looks about) For God's sake, drop the curtain! THE CURTAIN FALLS as we segue ... TRANSITION TO:

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... to THE STAGE OF THE COLONIAL THEATRE. (Just before midnight that same night. AARON FOX, GEORGIA HENDRICKS, and CARMEN BERNSTEIN, each hidden behind an opened newspaper. They are joined by OSCAR SHAPIRO.) GEORGIA Oh my god. AARON Holy Mother in heaven. CARMEN Holy Shit. OSCAR The reviews aren't good? What don't they like? GEORGIA That we put on a show. AARON The Boston Globe says: "If you loved Oklahoma, stay there as long as Robbin' Hood is running in Boston." CARMEN How about: "Calls to mind Walt Disney's Pinocchio -- because its star is wooden, oughtta be hung by piano wire, and swallowed by the first whale that enters Boston Harbor." OSCAR Who said that? CARMEN The Christian Science Monitor. OSCAR You're the producer, Carmen, I sank the profits from my sweetest sweatshop into this show. There's got to be something we can use. CARMEN Let me consult with the writing team. Georgia, Aaron: does "execrable" have two meanings? GEORGIA No. CARMEN Well that's a shame. Critics! Who'd make a living by killing other people's hope? [I mean,]

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CARMEN (Continued) WHAT KIND OF MAN WOULD TAKE A JOB LIKE THAT? OSCAR WHAT KIND OF SLOB WOULD TAKE A JOB LIKE THAT? CARMEN & OSCAR WHO COULD BE MEAN ENOUGH, BASE AND OBSCENE ENOUGH, TO TAKE A JOB LIKE THAT? GEORGIA Hey, maybe there's something good about us in The Globe after all: "Formerly married, formerly hit songwriters Aaron Fox and Georgia Hendricks, here manage to cast a few sparks -- " CARMEN " -- but sadly don't start a fire big enough to transform exfilm star Jessica Cranshaw into a silent, smoking cinder of charred human flesh ..." No, I guess not. AARON WHAT KIND OF MOM WOULD RAISE HER BOY LIKE THAT? GEORGIA WHO'D WANT HER BABY TO DESTROY LIKE THAT? ALL WHO COULD BE JERK ENOUGH. HARD UP FOR WORK ENOUGH TO WANT A JOB LIKE THAT? OH! WHAT KIND OF LOW-DOWN DIRTY BUM? OH! WHAT KIND OF SWINISH, SCURVY SCUM LOATHSOME AS THEY COME? I WONDER ... OSCAR WHAT KIND OF MAN WOULD WANT A JOB LIKE THAT? CARMEN WHAT KIND OF PUTZ WOULD SQUEEZE YOUR NUTS LIKE THAT? WHO COULD BE PRICK ENOUGH. CARMEN & OSCAR MENTALLY SICK ENOUGH CARMEN, OSCAR, & GEORGIA WHO'D WANT TO GROW TO BE EVERYONE'S ENEMY? ALL CRITICS ARE HATED AND SO EXCORIATED TELL ME WHAT KIND OF MAN WOULD WANT A JOB LIKE --

. Face it: we've gotten our notices and we've been given notice. Oscar. That's the paper we needed. Me . AARON I'm afraid you're right." (Beat. but the Cambridge Patriot isn't the Boston Globe. But the point is: this is a Sidney and Carmen Bernstein production. not Daryl Grady of the Boston Globe. CARMEN No. did a major rewrite. after the critics have already dashed out of the theatre to dash off their postmortems.) AARON Never heard of it.. OSCAR Funny nobody mentions that Jessica fainted. "Robbin' Hood is sure to be a solid gold Broadway smash. OSCAR Stop the presses! The Cambridge Patriot says: "Given the talent and experience of the veterans involved..) ALL WHAT KIND OF GENIUS HAS A MIND LIKE THAT? SO PERSPICACIOUS. And that musical. CARMEN Closed before we asked the audience not to unwrap candy. and brought it to Broadway. was "Kiss .. But we rolled up our sleeves. no.." (Beat. you two are just oversensitive because you wrote the show. I'm Irish. GEORGIA That happened during the bows. my friends. The first show my husband and I produced was savaged in New Haven like a luau for starving cannibals. WISE AND KIND LIKE THAT FAR FROM HIS MOTHER'S KNEE SHE MUST BE THRILLED TO SEE HOW HE GREW UP TO BE SUCH LOVELY COMPANY THOUGH MOST CRITICS ARE STINKERS THERE ARE FEW HEAVY THINKERS SO IT LIFTS UP YOUR HEART TO MEET A MAN LIKE THAT! AARON Yeah. This is just Round One.. . we decide if it goes to Broadway .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 7.

(CHRISTOPHER BELLING Enters) BELLING Is there no limit. OSCAR So we're still going to Broadway? CARMEN Aaron and Georgia keep writing tunes that bounce. AARON Very nice.S. I ask you.) (bellowing from a distance) Is there no limit!? GEORGIA Sounds like our director. BELLING (O. who knows what happens next? GEORGIA They just have her under observation.) Is there no limit?! GEORGIA We may have to do that English thing: you know. nailing a theatre for us and. also nailing a soprano who doesn't dance but knows how to move. Carmen? CARMEN Sidney's in New York. you keep writing checks that don't. As our director. but until our leading lady gets out of the hospital. BELLING Never read reviews.S. GEORGIA Where was your husband tonight.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 8. you owed all of us -- . OSCAR Chris. where the hell were you tonight? I've put a lot of money into this show. to the brilliance of my brainstorms? CARMEN I assume you haven't seen the reviews. leave him alone in the study with a loaded revolver. knowing my husband. I'm sure she'll be out by the morning -BELLING (O.

of course. AARON The two of you had a show in San Juan? CARMEN No.. a honeymoon. (starts to leave the stage) This is not going to be fun. BELLING I say we dismiss Jessica Cranshaw and announce that Robbin' Hood is going to be revamped without our vamp. he's useless for days. BELLING Oh. I came back here hoping to convince you to get rid of our star -. GEORGIA. I ask without fear of contradiction. (JOHNNY HARMON has Entered. BELLING (with them) Jessica. CARMEN I thought you never read reviews. no matter what Daryl Grady of the Globe says. be still your foolish mouth.I tell you those fucking Catholics really know how to put on a show.. was the most godawful thing in our show? AARON. And right there in the middle of the Eucharist . Nothing to be gleaned by watching one's show with the fraudulent audience of an opening night. I had an Epiphany. Wildly spiritual -. Get it? (CARMEN Exits..) JOHNNY Mrs. CARMEN Thanks. Bernstein? There's a phone call for you in your office. one should no longer be trying to invent anything brilliant. I first learned in San Juan that if my husband gets just one negative review. At this stage in the life of any musical. you're the stage manager. We don't have to end here in Boston. how would you say the cast is taking the reviews? .only to have the cast inform me she's in the hospital! I see the hand of the Lord in this. one should simply be trying to eliminate all that's godawful. Johnny. Went in.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 9.. What. CARMEN Jessica. Passed the Cathedral of the Holy Cross. Went for a walk.) GEORGIA Johnny. Probably my lesser half calling from New York. Carmen.

GEORGIA Bambi's fair game for anyone. I'd be beating you over the head with a blunt ingenue. AARON You're a fine one to talk.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 10. I think they'd all be happy if the Bernsteins closed the show here and now. BELLING Defeatists the lot of you. a brief demonstration of what's been wrong with this show right from its very first love song. (She has seen that BOBBY is there.) OSCAR You think our director wants us to go to Broadway using an understudy? AARON Well. Bobby was just there when I needed someone and here he is again hey there Bobby. If we were still married. JOHNNY Jessica's been so hard to live with. both Niki and Bambi are game enough. You've yet to hear my plan of action but hear it ye shall. you're the guy who broke up our marriage.) BOBBY We're saving money downstairs by combining the opening and closing night party. the guy who broke up our marriage? GEORGIA Aaron. to be fair. Come down and join us. and how about me? (BELLING re-enters.) BELLING Eh bien mes enfants. You think I don't see you constantly playing up to our leading man. Georgia. And how about you. Aaron? AARON Yeah. AARON Georgia -GEORGIA You forget I've been down this road with you before. . Johnny: come help me watch you move the piano. (JOHNNY and BELLING EXIT.

. listening with admiration.. ISN'T IT HIGH TIME I WAS THINKING OF ME.. TOO.. I've had a problem with it since our very first day of rehearsal. (JOHNNY pushes on a piano.. Georgia. play..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 11. THINKING OF HIM SOMETIMES IT SEEMS I SPEND EVERY MOMENT OF MY WAKING DAY THINKING OF HIM MAKING HIM LAUGH. ISN'T IT TIME .) GEORGIA THINKING OF HIM . (As SHE sings. AARON MAYBE IT'S TIME -- . BELLING Of course. put her in light cue One-H. the song where she brushes her hair in the mirror and suddenly realizes all her thoughts are of Bobby. go . Aaron. SOMETIMES MAKING HIM STRONG. the COMPANY drifts in.. AARON Of Rob Hood. (JOHNNY trots off as BELLING tells GEORGIA) . GEORGIA (annoyed) One of our best songs. BELLING Nonetheless. Georgia agrees with me. THINKING OF HIM TELLING THE TRUTH WHEN NOBODY'S WILLING TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH FIGHTING FOR HIM LIVING FOR HIM THINKING IT OVER. THAT'S WHAT I THINK I DO WELL..) AARON You mean "Thinking of Him?" That's one of my best songs in the show. Georgia's going to sing our leading lady's first number. Johnny.. SOMETIMES MAKING HIM FEEL SOME PLACE IN THE LIGHT IS HIS TELLING HIM JUST HOW SPECIAL HE IS THINKING OF HIM .. AARON See. sing.

you'll have to tell me what it is.) BELLING Well done. BOBBY (taking over) MAYBE IT'S TIME MAYBE IT'S HIGH TIME! YOU WERE THINKING OF YOU . everyone: I think it's a damn shame Jessica collapsed at tonight's performance. BOBBY Amen and amen. AARON I'm getting used to it.. GEORGIA THINKING OF ME . BELLING (to Company) Now look here. NIKI May I speak? As Jessica's understudy. I finally hear how that song was meant to go. BELLING It's that Georgia hasn't been the one singing it. I'd feel terrible taking over under these circumstances -BELLING No need to feel terrible. Georgia. (to Belling) Look. GEORGIA & BOBBY TOO. Niki. BOBBY (admiringly) Wow. I propose we rehearse and re-open our show with Jessica's part played by the talented person this score so richly deserves... She might have done it weeks ago and saved us a month of misery.. if something's been wrong with that tune since our first rehearsal. (THE COMPANY applauds. NIKI But -- . (to AARON:) Sorry for cutting in on you. Chris.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 12.

I'll put my money where your mouth is. Oscar? OSCAR Chris.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 13. (over COMMOTION from the COMPANY) AARON Georgia? BOBBY (overlapping) Best idea you've ever had. BAMBI Excuse me. Chris. if she gets the lead. GEORGIA I . What do you say. you get her part. She's talented. Aaron. but speaking for those of us in the chorus. BELLING Nice try. RANDY (overlapping) Anything would be better than Jessica. BAMBI -. I really think Niki should get the role.. Bambi. you sing the songs from your heart because that's where the words came from. that this move more than meets with your approval? OSCAR (overlapping) But she's not a performer! BAMBI (overlapping) Has she ever done a show? ..well yes. I don't know. And I assume. and dedicated -BELLING And since you're Niki's understudy. BELLING You know the score and script better than anyone else. BELLING Launder it first. To Georgia. BELLING No need because you're still going to be the understudy. that too. But either Georgia is in or I'm out. Chris. GEORGIA It's been a while since I traded in my tap shoes for a rhyming dictionary.

BOBBY But she was horrible. no. BOBBY Well. this entire debate is pointless if Jessica shows up tomorrow -BELLING -. GEORGIA What . I mean. what happened? CARMEN They wouldn't tell me. CARMEN I mean about Jessica! .) AARON I. to be honest. (to Christopher) Chris? Do you want to say something to the cast? BELLING No.) CARMEN Jessica Cranshaw will never be better than she was this evening.. but I.ready to go on like the brave little storm trooper she is..) CARMEN (Continued) That was the hospital on the phone. her performance was worse than ever this evening. GEORGIA Thanks for the vote of confidence. But she'll never be better. I'm sorry folks. (CARMEN BERNSTEIN has returned. Jessica Cranshaw now has a conflict. CARMEN I know. AARON I have my reasons.. uhm . Besides..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 14. I'm bowing out. She's dead. it doesn't. (GASPS from the COMPANY. if she comes back. I have no notes .. ALL look at AARON. (Silence.. In terms of future performances.

no. BELLING Well then . And I'm sure we'll all remember Jessica in our thoughts and in our resumes. RUSSELL & ROBERTA THE WOMAN'S DEAD.. BELLING Well .. (a COUGH from RANDY) Or rather. SHE'S DEAD AND DONE . boy-girl-boy-girl. to match the audience's response to Jessica's first number? AARON Say something. tallest on the inside. let's all form a semi-circle. this isn't working -GEORGIA Chris. for God's sake.. Perhaps we can best pay tribute to her now by voicing our sentiments -(assigns:) Soprano-Alto-Tenor-Bass! COMPANY OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! BAMBI THE WOMAN'S DEAD. a leading lady has died. NIKI.. THE WOMAN'S DEAD GO TELL HER FANS TO CHANGE THEIR PLANS OUR STAR IS DEAD NIKI WOULD SOMEONE CARE TO SAY A PRAYER RUSSELL WHO MIGHT THAT BE? ROBERTA DON'T LOOK AT ME! BAMBI.. you're blocking Niki for the entire left side of the house -. a human being has died. shall we observe a minute of silence.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 15. (THEY shuffle around) Bambi. BELLING People .. COMPANY OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! THE WOMAN'S DEAD.

ARLENE THERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS HER UNION DUES WILL ALL BE WAIVED ONCE SHE'S EN-GRAVED THE WOMAN'S DONE.. HARV THE WOMAN'S DEAD! WOMEN THE WOMAN'S DEAD. MEN THE WOMAN'S DEAD WOMEN THE WOMAN'S DEAD. NIKI. RANDY SHE'S IN THE PAST AND NOW THE CAST IS MINUS ONE . COMPANY OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! WOMEN THE WOMAN'S DEAD.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 16.. MEN THE WOMAN'S DEAD BAMBI SHE WAS A BITCH HARV AND UNDERPITCH BAMBI & HARV AND NOW SHE'S DEAD MEN OUR STAR IS DEAD! BOBBY IT'S FOR THE BEST NIKI SHE'S LAID TO REST HARV WITHOUT A DRESSER TO MOLEST BOBBY. .

let me assure you that I don't want my own work to delay your production from reaching the home on Broadway it richly deserves.. I'm Lieutenant Frank Cioffi of the Greater Boston Police Department. (PLEASED COMPANY MUMBLINGS) . SHE'S DEAD MEN THE SKIES ARE BLUE NIKI HER LIPS ARE TOO COMPANY CAN'T BLOW HER NOSE CAN'T SHAKE HER HEAD SEE FOR YOURSELF IT'S LIKE I SAID THE WOMAN'S DEFINITELY POSITIVELY -(LIEUTENANT FRANK CIOFFI Enters.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 MEN 17. bright and eager. Homicide Division.) CIOFFI Excuse me. COMPANY (sung) DEAD! CIOFFI First. MEN THE WOMAN'S DEAD WOMEN THE WOMAN'S DEAD. THE WOMAN'S DEAD WOMEN THE WOMAN'S DEAD. I happened to see Robbin' Hood in previews and may I say that. with the exception of the deceased Miss Cranshaw. BAMBI SHE'S LEFT THIS PORT WITH RIGA MORT THE WOMAN'S DEAD WOMEN THAT'S RIGHT. and oh it's an honor to be standing on the same stage with each and every one of you.. you're all just such wonderful performers .

. Lieutenant. And what a great score. BELLING Sorry. it's clear that Jessica Cranshaw was murdered... nothing that fancy. CIOFFI You're more than welcome. I've done a little community theatre myself -(polite "How nice" and "Oh"s from THE COMPANY) CIOFFI (Continued) -.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 CIOFFI (Continued) 18. Based on a preliminary autopsy." my Bottom was very well-received.) BELLING And.. no. pure reflex.oh.? GEORGIA Chris. what killed her? CIOFFI Hydrocyanic acid. GEORGIA What .. well. or a Pontiac convertible. GEORGIA On behalf of my half of that compliment. (MORE) . well. CARMEN I'm sorry I missed it.. although my Billy Bigelow at the Brookline Barnhouse got a favorable review . (SHOCK from the COMPANY. commonly used in electroplating and the gas chamber at San Quentin. I've.. AARON Well I appreciate that. CIOFFI Oh. does he get some sort of trophy. (looks about in awe) This. and what are they doing with her killer? I mean. You say that you're from Homicide? CIOFFI Ah. nothing like. it was nothing. and in "A Midsummer Night's Dream. BELLING Wait one moment. no. thanks as well.. yes.

and I'll want each of you to give them your name. BELLING I was planning to. You could be an embarrassment of riches or. CARMEN Wait a second! You want Georgia to take over for Jessica? CIOFFI Gosh. as a temporary fix. address. which also had supports. CARMEN No offense. that's a pretty interesting idea. but I'm not so sure about this.. please go right ahead. Company! I know you'll give Georgia your support as she steps into the late Miss Cranshaw's shoes. a goddamn embarrassment. Love it. BELLING Mine. frankly. that's.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 19. CIOFFI Working backwards from when the capsules dissolved. (MORE) . other than myself? BELLING Permit me. at least here in Boston. Now. who's in charge here.all right. GEORGIA Horrible. BELLING It's the only brilliant solution I can offer. going through your dressing rooms -(REACTION from the COMPANY. Georgia. But if you need to wrap things up with your cast. My men are downstairs. CIOFFI (Continued) It was in capsule form.. which is why no one realized she'd been poisoned until the capsules dissolved in her stomach. CARMEN But this isn't -. CIOFFI Hope not. we know she was poisoned in the very final minutes of the opening night performance. Lieutenant.) CIOFFI (Continued) Yes. starting a chemical reaction . and eight-by-ten glossy. I'm the critically-acclaimed director Christopher Belling. I'll be blocking your investigation.

sure. (Otherwise. please say aye! NIKI Aye.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 20.. we can make the last train. you rise to the occasion whenever that curtain starts to rise: what do you say. BOBBY Yeah. are you with me? (A beat. / I don't owe anyone nothing. All in favor of resuscitating Robbin' Hood .) OSCAR That's it? I back this show and you're all backing out? (GENERAL AGREEMENT from the CAST.) HARV You know if we leave now. coughs. COMPANY So much to pack. we can make this show happen. There's more important things in life than ./ Anyone want to share a ride? / etc. BELLING Let's make it unanimous then. an idle whistle. aye. / That's that. you people have stage blood in your veins. so what if we got killed by the critics while our leading lady got killed. gang. Come on. CARMEN Stop --! IT'S CLEAR THAT EVERY ONE OF YOU IS IN PERFECT PHYSICAL CONDITION SO THE SHOW MUST GO ON RANDY Why? CARMEN BECAUSE AS OLD AS TIME ITSELF IS THAT GRAND THEATRICAL TRADITION THAT THE SHOW MUST GO ON BAMBI Forget it! ..and we ARE going to Broadway -it's a whole new ball game.) CARMEN Come on.. life.. CARMEN (Continued) But when we go to Broadway -.

CARMEN I'VE GOT A CONTRACT YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT GO READ YOUR CONTRACT AND I WILL COUNT TO TEN AND THEN. Mrs. I must warn you: any further threats and you'll be brought up on charges. I'LL SUE YOU OH YES.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 21. (beat) Mother. Bernstein. CARMEN Oh. ALL RIGHT LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY: FOR THE BACKERS' SAKE. (Above all this:) RANDY Who's the Equity Representative? BAMBI I am. as Equity deputy." (beat) Elaine. I'LL SUE YOU AND WHEN I SUE YOU. CARMEN I hate "Bambi. YOU'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN! COMPANY You can't talk to us that way / We have our rights / etc. I'M ASKING YOUR PERMISSION TO LET THE SHOW GO ON RANDY No! CARMEN THE SHOW MUST GO ON! ROBERTA Never! CARMEN THE SHOW MUST GO ON! HARV Why?! CARMEN 'CAUSE I SAY THE SHOW MUST GO ON! . shut up. Elaine! BAMBI The name is Bambi.

. Horseshit! NIKI Oh! CIOFFI I can't believe I'm hearing this! I won't believe it! Putting on a musical has got to be the most fulfilling thing a person could hope to do..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 COMPANY 22.. A . "DON'T YOU DREAM OF SHOW BUSINESS TO VOCALIZE OR STRETCH BESIDE A BARRE?" HER AFFIRMATIVE SHRUG AS SHE SHAMPOOS YOUR RUG LETS YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE OSCAR.Couch -. SPECIAL KIND OF PEOPLE KNOWN AS SHOW PEOPLE YOU LIVE IN A WORLD OF YOUR OWN THE AUDIENCE PAID PLENTY TO SIT THERE AND CLAP HEARING YOU SING WATCHING YOU TAP DID YOU KNOW YOUR DENTIST LONGS TO BE IN SHOW BUSINESS? YOUR WINDOW WASHER WANTS TO BE A STAR AND THOUGH YOUR ANALYST MAY NEVER COUCH IT THAT WAY -CARMEN Analyst -. You're all heroes to me. CIOFFI AND CARMEN ASK YOUR CLEANING LADY. CIOFFI AND CARMEN THERE'S A SPECIAL KIND OF AURA 'ROUND A SHOW PERSON JUST ASK THE NEXT WAITER YOU MEET CIOFFI HE WALKS IN FIFTH POSITION HIS VOICE IS JUST GRAND CARMEN HE GIVES YOU THE CHECK YOU GIVE HIM A HAND .YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE! SOME POLICEMEN AND DETECTIVES DREAM OF SHOW BUSINESS THEY CAN'T GET ARRESTED BUT STILL THEY SIT AROUND THE STATION AND FANCY THIS LIFE: THEY JEER SHERLOCK HOLMES AND CHEER MACK THE KNIFE.that's funny! CIOFFI -.. YOU'RE .

) CIOFFI And listen: Robbin' Hood really should go on -NIKI Lieutenant! My name's Niki -CIOFFI -. NIKI Well thank you.Harris. I read your bio several times through on the bus ride home the other night. CIOFFI I'm crazy about your little vibrato.DON'T YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE? CARMEN All right -. May I say I found your performance particularly memorable? It was just lovely. CIOFFI Lovely. Miss Niki Harris. CIOFFI AND CARMEN IF THE BOYS IN VALET PARKING TURNED TO SHOW BUSINESS THEY COULD SCALP A HIGHER TICKET FOR YOUR CAR OSCAR AND MY TREE SURGEON NOW STARTED TAKING A BOUGH -A bough. NIKI You're very kind.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 23.) NIKI Well thank you.everybody! COMPANY IT'S AN HONOR AND A JOY TO BE IN SHOW BUSINESS I FEEL THAT SPOTLIGHT HIT ME AND I'M GONE AT THE LAST CURTAIN CALL I'M THE ENVY OF ALL SO I KNOW THE SHOW MUST GO ON! (THE CAST APPLAUDS THEMSELVES. OSCAR. (Beat. . get it? B-O-U-G -CIOFFI & CARMEN (Interrupting) -. reminded of what they're all about.

but then these three letters fell out of Miss Cranshaw's script. I suppose.I guess I'm Georgia's now -. CIOFFI "YOU'RE MURDERING THE SCORE BUT I'LL MURDER YOU. NIKI Yesterday I was coaching Miss Cranshaw on her lines and of course I said I'd be glad to help -CIOFFI That's so like you.at least I was -. I'm sorry. I'm afraid my fingerprints are all over them. is known to his closest friends as "Lefty.) CIOFFI Oh. That's not always easy in my line of work. you were hoping for more of the Arthur Conan Doyle version? Unfortunately.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 24. six feet four in height." (ADMIRING MURMURS from the CAST. you probably hoped I would be able to tell -. the words and letters have been pasted onto the paper. who wears a pewter ring. if I could do that just from -I mean. I'm also her understudy -. how ever do you know that? CIOFFI Oh I don't. and despite being righthanded. I was just saying that. (handing him letters) They're death threats. NIKI Well. ." NIKI Can you tell anything from them? CIOFFI Well they seem pretty negative in spirit. cut from a newspaper.. She laughed them off but I kept them." "IF YOU DON'T QUIT. NIKI Well. served in the Merchant Marine. these notes reveal very little except that the person who sent them is a man in his early thirties.) NIKI How . See. CIOFFI I try to be. (He sees her disappointed reaction. yes.wow.. of course." "YOU'LL DROP BEFORE THE CURTAIN DOES. YOU'LL DIE LEGIT.

Get it? (one clap of her hands) Well. which are currently being searched for possible evidence. could she have left the stage? NIKI No. I have a search warrant that covers the entire original cast.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 25. CARMEN Gee. And uh . she only had a few seconds to get in line with me. for a second I was impressed. it's vivid in my memory that Jessica Cranshaw never left the stage for the last fifteen minutes of the show. (GASPS and MURMURS from the COMPANY.. This theatre is quarantined. Cioffi! .. you'll all be living right here. Miss Harris. no. (OUTRAGE from the cast. none of you can leave.) CIOFFI (Continued) I've never had a case with this many suspects and I can't have each of you followed around the clock. As I once told my husband in San Juan. I'm afraid it's all perfectly legal. It's better I keep you under lock and key until I solve this mystery. what do you say we go across the street and have ourselves one slobberknocker of a wake for the late-if-lessthan-great Jessica Cranshaw? Drinks are on me! (HAPPY CLAMORING from the COMPANY) CIOFFI Just a minute! I'm afraid I have some bad news. CARMEN And what the hell do we do about changing our clothes? CIOFFI We're picking up extra clothing from your hotel rooms.) No.) CIOFFI (Continued) No.. All the exits are guarded. in those few seconds between the final curtain and taking her bow. CIOFFI Then I'm sorry but . she had to have been murdered by one of you. I'm sorry. until further notice. in the theatre. CARMEN You're taking the law into your own hands. Emergency Services will bring in cots and meals.. Look. (THE COMPANY PROTESTS LOUDLY.

.. BELLING Now just one bloody moment -CARMEN Lieutenant: do we have any choice about staying? CIOFFI Not really. being sequestered here will let you all focus on fixing the show. but I do have some questions for your boyfriend. (beat) Get it? (THE COMPANY EXITS. NIKI Why's that Lieutenant? CIOFFI Well because if I don't. NIKI I don't have a boyfriend.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 26. grumbling. there must be certain changes and cuts you want to make in light of the reviews .that's sort of what I'm paid to do. CIOFFI Well that's -. you're gonna hear from him. please? CARMEN When my husband gets back from New York. Lieutenant? CIOFFI No. Lieutenant. NIKI Then take me into your confidence with confidence. there's really no reason for us to keep talking. The only thing Sidney Bernstein takes lying down is Maria Callas. I'd like to take you into my confidence regarding this investigation..) NIKI And will you be wanting me any further. you're free to go .. anyway. head downstairs... . I mean. BELLING Fixing? CIOFFI Well. CIOFFI Oh my gosh.. So if you'll all . Cioffi. Miss Harris. that's why I have a badge and my own gun .. Um.

NIKI Maybe they think they could be making better money back in New York than with Sidney Bernstein. that was a completely unrelated thought. I think I landed my part mainly because I'm from Boston. We make our entrance after the curtain has already fallen on somebody else's life. can I ask you -CIOFFI Anything. NIKI Then I should be worried? CIOFFI No.. NIKI I guess you live with danger on a daily basis. Something's wrong here. I've only worked here in Boston.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 27. most of the time. but I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. so he doesn't have to pay my room and board. Lieutenant? CIOFFI Oh. NIKI I suppose you're right. isn't it? Like being a doctor. don't you.should I be worried that I'm in danger? CIOFFI I don't really think so. CIOFFI But keep in mind I can be within arm's reach at any hour of the day or night. thrifty. Miss Harris. CIOFFI I just met an opening night cast who seem incredibly eager to close. NIKI But it's a calling. Detectives have no opening night. who's known to be . is it? . no more dangerous than filling out your tax form.. NIKI My finding those death threats -. Lieutenant. or a teacher? CIOFFI Or an actor. It's not wrong to be married to one's work. it's paperwork and routine. NIKI That's good.

I LOVE MY JOB. NIKI But. THE LIFE THAT I LEAD IS A LITTLE BIT GREY. WITH ITS LUNCH COUNTER MORNINGS AND COFFEE SHOP NIGHTS. A PERFECTLY GOOD LIFE. It's an overture of hope. A PERFECTLY FINE LIFE I'D GIVE IT . . WHEN I'VE FINISHED MY WORK AND I CRAWL INTO BED. NOT EXACTLY SUBLIME. MOSTLY LUNCH COUNTER MORNINGS AND COFFEE SHOP NIGHTS.. LUNCH COUNTER MORNINGS AND COFFEE SHOP NIGHTS. WHEN I'VE READ THE LAST BURGLAR HIS RIGHTS. IF I SAY SO MYSELF. THE GUYS ON THE FORCE. SO IT'S A FINE LIFE. AND. SOMETIMES WE GO BOWLING OR HAVE A FEW BEERS. But sometimes it's no honeymoon. CIOFFI No. each year from May twenty-third to the twelfth of June when I turn my life over to the Swallow Street Players. AS I TURN OUT THE LIGHTS. don't they make for a change? CIOFFI Oh Miss Harris. I REFLECT. your acting roles. the timpani roll of my pounding heart. THAT THE LIFE THAT I LEAD IS A LITTLE BIT GREY.. that's more than a vacation for me. a rising curtain to the greatest joy in my life. Not at all. TOO I CATCH THE BAD GUYS. TWO CHEERS.. AT THE END OF THE DAY. I'M GOOD AT IT. WE'RE NOT VERY SOCIAL. OF COURSE. THAT THE DAY THAT'S TO COME AND THE WEEK THAT'S AHEAD WILL BE LUNCH COUNTER MORNINGS AND COFFEE SHOP NIGHTS. But where the rest of the year is concerned .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 28. (WELL) MOST OF THE TIME SO IT'S A GOOD LIFE. 'CAUSE SOMETIMES I THINK. THEY'RE ALL MARRIED. THERE ARE PLENTY OF LOW DAYS AND NOT MANY HEIGHTS. LUNCH COUNTER MORNINGS AND COFFEE SHOP NIGHTS I LIKE MY PALS. I REALLY DO..

might I walk you home? NIKI Oh.. CIOFFI Damn. I'd be delighted -.) TRANSITION TO: .. CIOFFI (Continued) I don't mean to seem forward but ...WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 29.but you said we're not allowed to leave. (MUSIC as they depart .

AARON. STILL THE STAGE OF THE COLONIAL THEATRE TIME: The next morning. braided crew members.S. AARON. GEORGIA. replete with dapper gamblers. HOW WE LONG TO STAND STILL STOMACHS ARE IN DISTRESS BOBBY And you move downstage. STILL NO ONE IS NEAR WHO CAN HEAR WHEN WE S." BAMBI More like: "WEARY AND WORN.O.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 SCENE 4 30. (Bars vamp in a loop.) NIKI And this is you: "TATTERED AND TORN.) GEORGIA. NIKI & BAMBI WE NEED A HELPING HAND. the staging would include a Colorado river boat. Perhaps the river boat doesn't appear until the song's final incarnation in Act II. We join the number IN PROGRESS) (In one conceit of this production number. AARON prompts GEORGIA on her lyrics while BOBBY guides her through the choreography as Director BELLING watches. NIKI & BAMBI IN THE SAME BOAT ON THE SAME SEA SHAKIN' INSIDE AS THE TIDE KEEPS RISIN' NARY A SHIP NARY A SAIL NARY A SOUL ON THE WHOLE HORIZON OH.perhaps even a few river pirates. and parasoled ladies -." GEORGIA FEELIN' FORLORN THAT I LOOK UNTIDY CHEWIN' MY NAILS PRAYIN' THAT WHALES AREN'T ALLOWED TO EAT MEAT ON "FRI-DAY" . (GEORGIA is learning her vocal part and her blocking as the CAST rehearses a frothy production number set along the banks of the Colorado River.

OSCAR will enter. GEORGIA Tell that to the Titanic. BOBBY So cute. you are the cat's meow. How bad am I lousing up our song? AARON (working on music at piano) Actually. GEORGIA Well it doesn't feel like it's great. GEORGIA & NIKI & BAMBI STILL. you've always been honest with me about everything except our marriage. BOBBY (smitten) You're just so cute when you talk like that. you're lousing it up pretty damn good. BOBBY Honey. GEORGIA Oh. really cute.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 31. doughnut and coffee in hand. GEORGIA Aaron. (sees Bobby's smile) What. . pajamas and whiskers in alphabetical order. you're coming off really. really great. (BELLING exits. WE ARE NOT DISCOURAGED DUE TO THE ANCIENT QUOTE YOU ARE LIKELY TO WIN TAKE IT ALL ON THE CHIN WHEN YOU'RE IN THE SAME BOAT! (THE CAST offers GEORGIA encouragement.) BELLING Georgia. you'll be fine once you've broken the ice. BOBBY Honey. I feel as cute as a button that you push to turn on the electric chair. you're so completely prejudiced.) BOBBY It's great.

while AARON and GEORGIA confer at the piano. OSCAR (uneasy) Friends who share is a very nice thing. GEORGIA It's the best part of getting the star's dressing room. wincing in pain. Bobby. it's a duplicate. (to Georgia) By the way. I just love this. BOBBY Oh I couldn't pass up this opportunity. OSCAR Does it really hurt that bad? BOBBY Nothing that a fistful of painkillers can't handle.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 32. thanks for letting me use your shower. we don't know how long the hot water's gonna hold out! (COMPANY starts to Exit. we've got the showers working now! (GRUMBLINGS from CAST) You'll find robes and towels outside the Green Room. Who knows when you might need it again? BOBBY Oh you'll know. don't ask me. limit yourself to two minutes. BOBBY You need the key back? GEORGIA No. [Demerol] OSCAR You're a real team player.) BELLING How's your back holding up. The greatest acting assignment of my entire career. (BOBBY gives her a little snarl-kiss and leaves. .) AARON Yeah. Bobby? BOBBY I can't dance. BOBBY stretches. JOHNNY (stepping out) Okay folks.

laughing. And anyway. GEORGIA In retaliation.... OSCAR (forced jovial) Well it's fun to reminisce about old times . Aaron was very sharing with all his little friends in the chorus. make a joke about it . (sings) FIRST THEY THINK.. GEORGIA FIRST THEY SPEND PERFECT SUMMER DAYS. AARON .. because when you fight. AARON She was an usher. GEORGIA On our last show.[] AARON I never did anything more than flirt with any cast member once I married you.. "LET'S GO SEPARATE WAYS". DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT US? OSCAR That's good. my checkbook gets nervous. GEORGIA Barbara O'Brien.. but now can we make nice... by then you were fooling around with Bobby. this is how we always worked. DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT US? OSCAR It's not good that you both feel bad. making beautiful music together .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 33.. until one day we looked up and found that we were the punch line. then laugh it off . We'd fight. THEN THEY SAY. . "WHY NOT GO FOR BROKE?" THEN THEY THINK THIS WAS ALL A JOKE. How can you tug at the customer's hearts if you're at each others throats? GEORGIA Oh. joking.

Georgia . FIRST THEY SAY WHY NOT CLOSE THE DOOR? AARON THEN THEY'RE BOTH LONELY AS BEFORE. DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT US? OSCAR What I heard about the two of you was that a great husband and wife song writing team had gotten back together. BUT OH.. STILL CARING. I have need to discuss with you a cut I wish to make in "My Heart is your Target"? Just a few bars -AARON Oh yeah? How many bars do you want me to cut? BELLING From bar one until there's bar none. Can't you take a joke? GEORGIA & AARON CONFUSED BUT COPING AND OH. Nobody told me you were only reconciling yourselves to the words and music.. DESPAIRING. The two of you fighting is no laughing matter. Aaron. AARON AND THE DREAMS THEY DREAMED WERE ALL TORN IN HALF GEORGIA STOP! LOOK! WAIT FOR THE LAUGH. GEORGIA & AARON DEPRESSED.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 34. Aaron.) BELLING Ah. AARON Who's laughing? GEORGIA Come on. GEORGIA DO YOU KNOW THE ONE ABOUT US? GEORGIA & AARON THE FUNNY JOKE ABOUT US? (BELLING enters. STILL HOPING AARON DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT US. (MORE) .

AARON Don't worry.. GEORGIA We'll have to work fast.. Georgia. not me. I knew you had it in you! AARON No. AARON It's been stopping shows since 1896.) BELLING My God. Make that already written. AARON Oh. I want a bloody masterpiece. Oh. the melody is half-written already. Correction. BELLING With music. AARON Fine. GEORGIA It's from "La Boheme. AARON A masterpiece? Why didn't you say so? How's this? (HE PLAYS "Che gelida manina" from "La Boheme". You'll get a new song so timeless. familiarity breeds content. they'll be singing it at La Scala . My God. I've got a lot of choreography to learn. and not some song from one of your failed shows. I suspect you simply don't want your ex-wife singing an impassioned love song to Bobby. have it your way." BELLING Yes. . Come on. BELLING Eight people will know that and we can easily have them destroyed. that's fabulous.Puccini had it in him. OSCAR Sounds like a show stopper to me. you want me to write a "hit.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 35." Chris. either -none of your Eine Kleine Trunkmusik. right about now. BELLING (Continued) And I wish you to fill this newly-created vacancy with a song so catchy it would take a vaccine to resist it.

(THEY EXIT. . is that Old Spice you're wearing. BELLING Change of clothes.) BELLING Ah good morning. You'll find it on the marquee of this theatre. Herr Lieutenant! Had a lovely night sleeping in your Own Bed. Bernstein. CIOFFI I'm afraid that's correct. Mister . Belling. just above the word "PRESENTS.[joke to come] SIDNEY I've got meetings. (A COMMOTION OFF-STAGE as ENTERS SIDNEY BERNSTEIN and PLAINCLOTHES DETECTIVE O'FARRELL. BELLING I intrigue you. you rake? CIOFFI Mennen Skin Bracer. too.) SIDNEY Goddamit. CARMEN There's no use fighting -.." I just got in on the first train out of Penn Station. important ones..? SIDNEY The name is Sidney Bernstein. you can't make me stay! O'FARRELL Tell it to the Lieutenant. I walk in the door and this lummox here -O'FARRELL I told him once he came in he couldn't leave.. BELLING greets the arriving CIOFFI. Lieutenant? CIOFFI As both a director and a suspect. don't I. did you? CIOFFI Sorry about that.. CIOFFI Murder is kind of important. trailed by CARMEN. Mr.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 36. Mr. fresh shave and .

BELLING (instantly) Oh what a very good point you raise. (BELLING exits as O'FARRELL reviews a list with CARMEN. it could ruin her reputation. SIDNEY I refuse to be put in this position! CARMEN My exact words on our honeymoon! BELLING Sidney. I don't see how the police can keep me on the premises. scads to do. If I have no professional reason to be here. I didn't mean -. mustn't stand here all day. . If I gave you her name. well. whom do I have to dry-hump around here? O'FARRELL Mrs. I'm tendering my resignation.. Chris. idle hands and all that ..I just want you to check this cast list. Bernstein? CARMEN Hold on one second -O'FARRELL (to Carmen) No. (to self) In order to resign. I was in Manhattan when Jessica got murdered. SIDNEY says:) SIDNEY Lieutenant. I never considered it in quite that light.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 37. I can't be a suspect. CIOFFI You can prove you were in New York? SIDNEY (moving them downstage) Can we talk as one man to another? CIOFFI I thought we were. SIDNEY (soto voce) I spent the night keeping company with a certain lady I've been keeping on the upper East Side. SIDNEY (ominously) You wouldn't want to do that.

Lieutenant? CIOFFI Did we get the change of clothes for the cast yet? O'FARRELL I just handed them out myself.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 38. CIOFFI (to O'FARRELL) Who's he? O'FARRELL No idea.Excuse me? Lieutenant Frank Cioffi.dare I say it? -.Foul Play. CIOFFI Your chivalry is touchingly convenient. O'Farrell? O'FARRELL (moving to him) Yes. picked out what I told you from Niki's closet? O'FARRELL Yeah. mainly blues and greens. Now did you find anything that would -(A nicely-attired MAN in his THIRTIES or early FORTIES enters. I'm trying to match her eyes. You setting some kind of trap for her? CIOFFI No. Mind telling me who are you and how you got in here? . what are you talking about? SIDNEY (as much to Cioffi as her) Just that I guess I'm staying? CIOFFI I guess. uh. CIOFFI This place is turning into Back Bay Station -. CARMEN Sidney. CIOFFI You.) GRADY Ah the crime scene and its -. Homicide.

CARMEN Despite the things you wrote about us. We plan to iron out the kinks over the next week. Grady. When you interviewed me last week. we want you to review our show a second time. SIDNEY Your sympathy is premature.. and said the young woman who played the schoolmarm. Please accept my condolences over the loss of your star and your show. Thanks for coming by on such short notice.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 39. I guess you didn't take me seriously. GRADY (flashing credentials) As a member of the press. I told you we were going to Broadway no matter what your review said. I'm exempt from your quarantine. . it's all history now. Grady... Daryl Grady of the Boston Globe. CARMEN Mr. GRADY Well. Lieutenant. After the review you gave "Robbin' Hood. GRADY Sorry but that's ridiculous.. GRADY I tried my level best to find something good about the show. CARMEN We're making big changes. GRADY Harris showed great promise -CARMEN Which only made what you said about everyone else that much worse. then officially re-open "Robbin' Hood" here in Boston "en route to Broadway!" CIOFFI Oh yes. SIDNEY Because we asked him to be." I can't imagine why on earth you'd show your face here. CIOFFI Really. I praised the choreography. Mr. CIOFFI Harris. after all . Niki um .

Carmen: I'll grant your request and review tomorrow night's show. That's an unusual idea -. Mr. the whole show was built around her! CIOFFI That was their biggest problem. CARMEN With Georgia Hendricks taking over. Daryl Grady. Yes. GRADY Georgia Hendricks.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 40. Lieutenant. You might want to consider some other possibilities. CIOFFI Thank you. NIKI And you're back from New York. Bernstein! SIDNEY That blue and green outfit goes very nicely with your eyes.and. there is a precedent for re-reviewing a show when the lead is replaced. But be warned: I can't imagine any show surviving two bad reviews from the Globe in one week. Good morning. NIKI And oh my gosh. Am I allowed to offer my thanks for the kind words you wrote in your review? . dressed in blue and green. Niki. you better go tell our director that his new deadline is tomorrow night. (CARMEN exits as NIKI has entered. Sidney. yes. Wow.) NIKI Oh. GRADY Re-open it? Jessica Cranshaw is dead. SIDNEY Carmen. I think you owe us a second look. Miss Harris.tomorrow! GRADY That's the best I can offer. CARMEN Tomorrow night's show? But that's -. CIOFFI You've just made it one. CARMEN He's going to love that. all right.

) GRADY Please don't misunderstand. SIDNEY Come on. I regret to inform you that I'm now placing you under arrest for the crime of murder. (mock-surprised) Oh. (SIDNEY and GRADY exit. I thought your review of "Robbin' Hood" was needlessly cruel and way off the mark. Grady. Grady.) GRADY What? Have you lost your mind? CIOFFI Any statement you make may be taken down in writing and used against you in a court of law. NIKI Oh. of course. . Lieutenant. I mean college. and not just on a community theatre level. CIOFFI Mr. You did stand out in what was an otherwise abundantly misguided production. CIOFFI Well. Mr.) NIKI Swell acting. (She offers her hand but GRADY doesn't take it. I played Inspector Hedge for the Natick Town Players two summers ago. Did you think I was saying that for real? Gosh. GRADY I'm not sure you know how to judge acting. I'm sorry. However. Lieutenant. Grady. I'm not sure you know how to judge acting. Miss Harris. you're the expert. I'll walk you to the door. GRADY This is insane! What in God's name are you saying? CIOFFI I'm saying my best lines from Agatha Christie's Murder at the Rectory. I didn't mean -GRADY Quite all right. (beat) You can go now.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 41. but I try not to fraternize with the artists whom I review. (ALL react in shock.

GEORGIA and AARON and CAST are drifting in. I can't believe I'm actually saying this and.) BOBBY Sorry Lieutenant. BOBBY Yes? . The song itself is kind of lackluster. let's you and me get out of here -NIKI You won't let me leave. oh.I mean.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 CIOFFI 42. We're reblocking the Keelboat number. it's nothing. AARON What? CIOFFI Oh. and shoot me with my own gun if I'm out of line -BOBBY What is it? CIOFFI I don't think just changing the choreography is going to help.. CIOFFI Damn. Do you know that everyone in this show is working for the absolute Equity minimum -. NIKI And how is your investigation coming along.. this is no place to talk.. do you think something's going to happen? CIOFFI No. thank you.my gosh. Although. Well. but we need this space now. (BOBBY. I just really like this number. if I may ask? CIOFFI I was just going over Sid Bernstein's financial records. CIOFFI Oh I'm going to have to watch this. It lacks . even the late Jessica Cranshaw? You were her understudy and Bambi is yours and yet all three of you were making the same salary . Look.. but -. BOBBY (concerned) Why.

CIOFFI Luster. NIKI & BAMBI IN THE SAME BOAT ON THE SAME SEA SHAKIN' INSIDE AS THE TIDE KEEPS RISIN' NARY A SHIP NARY A SAIL NARY A SOUL ON THE WHOLE HORIZON OH. You." please? BOBBY Randy. BELLING I have said more than once this particular number lacks verve -GEORGIA (to Aaron) I think maybe Chris is right -AARON (angered) Great. Songs by the Yard" -.. HOW WE LONG TO STAND STILL STOMACHS ARE IN DISTRESS WE NEED A HELPING HAND. AARON. CIOFFI You see what I'm saying? It's just kind of mild-mannered for such a big moment in the show -AARON You're talking about my song? GEORGIA Our song.S. storm brewing . "Aaron Fox. BELLING Bless you.. STILL NO ONE IS NEAR WHO CAN HEAR WHEN WE S.. Big John and Parson Tuck adrift on the mighty Colorado on a boat that's sinking fast . Harv. rapids ahead. it's your eleven o'clock number. AARON It's not my best work but I think Georgia will be great singing it and that's what matters.I'll try to write a snappier tune! But you'll be happy to know Georgia and I have come up with the hit song you wanted. Sasha? A little bit of "In the Same Boat. fine. But Aaron's music -. GEORGIA.it's .. .O. great stuff.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 43... help me out here. Aaron.

NIKI Why there? BELLING Because I've just been informed that Daryl Grady of the Boston Globe will be sitting in that seat tomorrow night. (LIGHTING SHIFT. and therefore us. Well. Why do you all object? BELLING Because we have so much work to do! CIOFFI No.. He liked you in his first review and I intend to build up your part so he'll like you. Georgia. (As the COMPANY EXITS. It will be sung by you. leave Niki in Light Cue Five for the moment . why do ALL of you always object in unison as if you're all of one mind? So interesting. I'll find out. even more. CIOFFI And I would like to question everyone who isn't rehearsing in the Green Room. BELLING (taking Niki downstage) You'll sing it in Act Two. MUSICAL INTRO. GEORGIA (quietly stunned) Aaron. that's so gracious and giving and completely unlike you. one way or another. scene three. that's so strange. I'm asking. BELLING Ah.) . BELLING has an impromptu thought. waiting for Rob Hood along the banks of the mighty Colorado River. CIOFFI Oh this is terrific. cheating your profile in the direction of the left aisle seat of Row H.) BELLING Johnny. follow me down to the Green Room. (PROTESTS!) CIOFFI (Continued) Now you know. you don't understand. please.. Niki.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 44. but I've decided this song is no longer for you. Everyone.

and honesty will prove to be the best policy.a question or two for everyone in the cast. WHERE WERE YOU? CIOFFI Where were each of you at the time of the murder? NIKI YOU NEVER MADE A SOUND." [extra bar needed here] CIOFFI Carmen.) NIKI (Reading from music. Georgia. watching the show from the back of the theatre . DON'T LIE! .. while your director was taking a walk at the time that Jessica was poisoned? NIKI YOU WENT AND HID YOUR HIDE FROM ME CIOFFI Bobby. CIOFFI And none of you heard anything suspicious? NIKI A LONE COYOTE ECHOED "WHERE WERE YOU . you say you were together.. NIKI YOU WARNT NO PLACE TO BE FOUND! CIOFFI .. why have you been hiding your back injury? NIKI NOW HONEY LAMB. SHE sings:) I'VE GOT A QUESTION A SIMPLE QUESTION -CIOFFI -.. Aaron... Oscar. NIKI PLEASE ANSWER NOW -MY WAND'RIN' WRANGLER.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 SCENE 5 45. Simultaneously on THE COLONIAL STAGE and in THE GREEN ROOM (NIKI performs the song while CIOFFI interrogates in the Green Room.

NIKI YOU'D BETTER TELL ME TRUE EXACTLY WHERE WERE YOU? CIOFFI Johnny was watching the cast from the wings -.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 46. CIOFFI Time is working against us. CIOFFI You all bid goodbye to big bucks on Broadway for the dubious pleasure of working for beans in Boston? NIKI SO THINK ABOUT IT TAKE YOUR TIME . CIOFFI Lies. NIKI NOW DARLIN' PLEASE DON'T LIE . all lies! A distinguished director abandons John Gielgud to coach a fading film star he hates? NIKI AND TELL ME.but who was watching Johnny? NIKI OR ELSE GOODBYE. WHERE WERE YOU? NIKI EXACTLY WHERE WERE YOU? NIKI OR YOU MIGHT WONDER NIKI WHERE AM I? CIOFFI And where were you? CIOFFI And you? CIOFFI (musing) I wonder.... CIOFFI I learn you're all working for minimum wage with a star you all loathe in a musical you can't wait to quit -CIOFFI You think I believe you? NIKI YOU ... CIOFFI Don't lie to me Oscar about your great passion for the theatre ..

.. simultaneously) WHY.. where would you get such an idea? CIOFFI Am I crazy? Someone tell me . AARON He's lucky he doesn't have an understudy. If she's no good. Then we'll call it a night. (THE SET has changed to an opulent Western gambling saloon.) BELLING Carmen. Your music said "Vamp til ready" and Bobby decided I'm ready.. THE CAST enters in Wild West outfits. I hear Bobby has restaged your curtain number so that now it's all about you coming on to him. the woman all SALOON HALL GIRLS.. this is the first run-through of Georgia's big production number.. .! - 3/2/06 CIOFFI I can only wonder .) BELLING Johnny: the final scene of Act One from the final bars in the bar at the Bar B Bar Saloon! (COMPANY PROTESTS!) HARV For crying out loud. I feel . GEORGIA Maybe now it is... we're dead. AARON Hey Georgia. CARMEN Well. you look as pale as an albino mime. Chris. NIKI AM NIKI (simultaneously with Cioffi:) I. CIOFFI (sings.. CARMEN has joined AARON and OSCAR.. (COMPANY applauds NIKI.... It's the only reason I haven't killed him yet...! 47.. CIOFFI ..WHITE Revision NIKI MIGHT WONDER NIKI WHERE . the Lieutenant has been grilling us for hours and we're dead on our feet! BELLING I must block the end of Act One.

. BELLING Let's worry about Boston first. I beseech you to let me finish this run-through. I'm thinking we should give Georgia's part to Niki when we go to Broadway. please stay where you are. please! (CIOFFI is carrying a BRIEFCASE. (stepping back) I tell you. CARMEN Jesus! Thanks for the warning. and although you seem to be really nice people. BELLING Like a condemned prisoner on the gallows? CARMEN Yeah. CIOFFI I promise I'll only take a second. JOHNNY Lieutenant. people! No matter what happens. (to Company) All right.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 48. Chris. It's the first time Georgia has performed it with the full cast. I have some questions to ask a certain cast member. CIOFFI I better stow this bag. and I may need the rest of you to -(to Belling) By the way. how'd you know? BELLING Because you're standing on a trap door. Lieutenant. I'm afraid my men have turned up a very compromising document concerning one of you. a phone call from some insurance company in New York.) BELLING Oh for pity's sake. (He flourishes the briefcase) So when you've finished this number. which number are you rehearsing? BELLING The finale for Act One. it's this Niki Harris who's the real discovery here. (to cast) I've interviewed all of you now. I want to get to the Act One curtain without stopping for any -CIOFFI One minute.

WHOA! THINK OF THOSE HEIFFERS. (CIOFFI opens the lid of an upright piano in the saloon and puts the briefcase in it. FORGET IT! I'VE GOT SOME SWEET HIPS.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 49. RIGHT? YOU WANT TO TOUCH THEM? YOU WANT TO KISS THEM? DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! I'VE GOT A NICE RUMP. (CIOFFI EXITS. Rob Hood! GEORGIA (Continued) I CAN TELL WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND. YOU COULD NEVER TOUCH ME EVEN WITH A TEN FOOT POLE (IN CASE YOU'VE GOT A TEN FOOT POLE).) MALE PATRONS We want Marian! Ma-dam Marian!! We want Marian!!! Ma-dam -GEORGIA (as Madam Marian) "Hello cowpokes! Have you seen the tops of my stockings? One says Merry Christmas ..... honey! GEORGIA (playing to Bobby) I'm singin' this one for my man. the other says Happy New Year. RIGHT? IT'S MAKES A NICE BUMP. RIGHT? YOU WANT TO PINCH IT? YOU WANT TO SQUEEZE IT? DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! YOU COULD NEVER KEEP ME UNDER YOUR CONTROL. THINK OF YOUR BRONCOS. IT'LL MELT YOU IF YOU LET IT. Chris? BELLING Very well.) CIOFFI (Continued) You'll keep an eye on it for me. Who wants to spend some time with me In Between The Holidays? (UPROAR!) RANDY (drunken COWBOY) Sing the song that got you driven out of Topeka on a hand rail. Sasha: giddyup. RIGHT? I'VE GOT TWO HOT LIPS.. NO! (MORE) . SO HERE IS MY ADVICE TO YOU IN JUST TWO WORDS.

WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 50. YOU CAN'T WIN ME OVER EVEN DOWN ON BENDED KNEES (THOUGH YOU'D LOOK GOOD ON BENDED KNEES). MEN NO! GEORGIA HOW 'BOUT YOUR GRANDMAS? MEN NO! GEORGIA THINK OF YOUR SISTERS. COWBOY DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! MEN WE ALWAYS THINK ABOUT IT! GEORGIA TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT! MEN CAN'T HELP BUT THINK ABOUT IT! . AND IF THAT IS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.. MEN NO! GEORGIA HOW 'BOUT YOUR BUNKMATES? MEN NO! GEORGIA THEY DON'T EXCITE YOU.) I ENJOY MY FREEDOM EVEN THOUGH I TEASE. SO YOU MUST BE THINKING WHAT I THINK YOUR THINKING AND IF THAT IS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! (DANCE BREAK. THINK OF YOUR SWEETHEARTS.. GEORGIA (Continued) THEY DON'T EXCITE YOU. BUT I THINK YOU'RE THINKING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE THINKING. SO I HATE TO BE UNKIND .

.. which has been torn open. and most of the COMPANY are frozen. I talk with all of you. GEORGIA YOUR . Much of the cast has CIOFFI's briefcase. make a few phone calls. There's nothing in the briefcase... I want to set our pose for the curtain so -(ALL LIGHTS ON STAGE GO OUT. IT'S HARD WHEN WE'RE THINKING ABOUT IT! GEORGIA WELL.. (indicating Belling) A distinguished director who despises his leading lady but slaves to make the show work all the same.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 51... GEORGIA DOES IT HURT WHEN YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IT? MEN YEP. SASHA is frozen as if trying to climb out of the pit. As you were. then:) CIOFFI Lights! (THE LIGHTS COME UP. (MORE) . by the way.) CIOFFI (Continued) As I thought. GEORGIA AND MEN MIND! BELLING All right. MEN IT'S TOO LATE 'CAUSE YOU'RE ON MY .. (indicating Bobby) An award-winning choreographer who performs against the orders of his orthopedic surgeon. grouped around the fake piano. IT'S WRONG TO KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT! MEN BUT THIS SONG KEEPS US THINKING ABOUT IT! GEORGIA GET ME OFF . A COMMOTION . and what do I come up with? A film star named Jessica Cranshaw working for scale in an open-ended Broadway run.

(indicates the Cast) A Company that can't help but celebrate when their show is torn to ribbons by the critics. he handles the books. HARV (overlapping in their most butch voice:) Sure beats me..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 52. JOHNNY.. it ought to be Sidney Bernstein on a slab in the morgue right now. not Jessica Cranshaw. CIOFFI (to Male Dancers) And what about you chorus boys? You all seem like clean-cut fellows -. CIOFFI (Continued) (indicates Oscar) A one-man-bank named Oscar Shapiro. but at least you won't be blackmailed any more. big guy? / Hey. who despite having no prior interest in theatre. CIOFFI And he's going to pay for this. I guess we'd all prefer that our husbands and boyfriends don't know how we got our first job in a Sid Bernstein production.. (MORE) . what could all of you have possibly done that you wouldn't want the folks back home to know? (Awkward beat. because you think this means you are at long last free to take better jobs back on Broadway. worked for Sidney before. only the one that might have some connection to the death of Jessica Cranshaw.I mean. Normally I'm handed a murder victim and I have to eliminate all the wrong suspects. that chick sure has a big rack of knockers! CIOFFI Look. I'm not here to uncover all your dark secrets . The buck stops with him. I handle the creative end. You're all still murder suspects. (to Carmen) What does this mean to me? That Sid Bernstein has been blackmailing every member of this company into working on this show! (UPROAR. pal! / What do you mean. Here I've been handed all the right suspects but have the wrong victim! Logically.. I had no idea this was how Sidney got you to work so cheap. looks at the FEMALE ENSEMBLE) Even you dancers? JAN (hesitantly) All of us have . Then:) RANDY. CARMEN Listen folks. sinks one payment after another into this musical.

with CIOFFI and BELLING in front of it. and lastly . his arms and legs flailing horribly as he rises toward the fly loft... but you're going to press on . his face blue.. BELLING Very good..) BELLING (Continued) Why is there no curtain? JOHNNY (OVER P. In a noose at the end of the rope is SIDNEY BERNSTEIN..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 53.) We're having a little trouble with it.A. now! JOHNNY (OVER P.) How's this? (The CURTAIN drops slowly -. CIOFFI (Continued) (HAPPY CRIES from the CAST) Now get to work! You may have joined this show for the wrong reasons.but a rope behind a long gambling table upstage rises faster than the curtain descends. and curtain! (The curtain doesn't drop. BELLING I want it down. seven. six..) . and the best way for me to solve Jessica's murder is to keep the heat turned up on all of you in this pressure cooker of a theatre .. because this could be a REALLY GOOD SHOW! Take it. let's have the last four bars! BOBBY Five. THE CURTAIN finishes its fall. eight! GEORGIA & COMPANY (sing:) GET ME OFF YOUR MIND! BELLING And Freeze in that position.A. CIOFFI .. Chris. because Oscar deserves a return on his investment OSCAR Thank you.

still flailing.) (misunderstanding) Curtain! (THE CURTAIN again descends and BERNSTEIN again rises toward the flies.) JOHNNY (Continued) I think we fixed the curtain! CIOFFI You better make it a blackout. but this time BERNSTEIN's body stays hanging at the top of the stage. descends.A.) BELLING Johnny.) BELLING No. raise the curtain! JOHNNY Curtain! (The CURTAIN RISES again.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 54. His arms are limp. don't lower the CURTAIN! JOHNNY (OVER P. fast. BLACKOUT END OF ACT 1 . BELLING Did you see something go up as the curtain went down? CIOFFI My god! Raise the curtain. quick! JOHNNY Curtain! (THE CURTAIN rises and BERNSTEIN.

HE'S IN THE PAST. From a distance we hear: COMPANY OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! SASHA THE MAN IS DEAD. HE'S LOST HIS LEASE SO REST IN PEACE THE MAN IS DEAD! COMPANY OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOO! . THE MAN IS DEAD. THE NEXT DAY. HE'S BREATHED HIS LAST. THE MAN DID CROAK THE MAN IS DEAD. The Curtain is down. THIS IS NO JOKE.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 ACT 2 SCENE 1 55.

HE DID IT. Look. casting eerie. (THE CURTAIN RISES on THE COMPANY.) GEORGIA You can't sleep either. HE DID IT HE DID IT. I'M SURE ALTHOUGH HE APPEARS WITH A POSTURE THAT'S PIOUS HIS PRINCIPLES HARDLY ARE PURE.. who are bunking down on stage in various states of undress. IT ISN'T A STRETCH TO BELIEVE IT THAT MURDEROUS MOTIVE WAS HIS HE DID IT. if I had to bet. criss-crossing shadows around the stage and scaring each other half to death as they VOICE their suspicions. (THE COMPANY is caught in a new light and realizes:) GROUP A AH . huh? BOBBY Every time I close my eyes. It's all very Nick and Nora. HE DID IT.. flashlights in hand. But who can sleep when a murderer is on the loose? A CHOREOGRAPHED PRODUCTION NUMBER with the cast creeping about. ON! . his mouth wide open -GEORGIA You got any chewing gum? BOBBY (matter of fact) Fresh out. his features twisted. . BOBBY Yeah. HE DID IT. Masters and Johnson.. HE DID IT. AND NOW HE IS OFF TO A PRIS .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 ACT 2 SCENE 2 56.. Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew. isn't it? I mean. his lips drooling. HE DID IT.. I see that rope around Sidney's neck. I'd say he did it. isn't that our director sneaking around? GEORGIA Murder is a very British thing. HE DID IT THEN HID IT. Abbott and Costello. it's almost like a hobby over there..

quite mad.. SHE DID IT. THEY DID IT. whispering. Yes. SHE DID IT THEN HID IT. SHE DID IT.. Song-writing teams are conspiratorial by nature. NIKI Why would she do that? AARON So you'd take over the lead and Bambi would get your part. SHE HIT HIM AND HUNG HIM AND AFTER SHE'D STRUNG HIM HE SWUNG LIKE A YO-YO HIGH-LOW. Aaron! I don't think it's possible that Bambi would kill her own father -. NIKI Oh how silly. SHE DID IT. SHE DID IT. THEY DID IT. . THE FACTS ARE NOT REALLY SURPRISING HER MORALS ARE PROBABLY LOOSE SHE DID IT.. GROUP B AH . GROUP C AHA.. plotting how to undo the director .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 AARON 57. AND NOW SHE IS OFF TO THE HOOSE . AARON She's a tough cookie with everybody but her mother.. I could easily believe that they did it. THEY DID IT. you got any casting suggestions for the title role of whodunit? BELLING Aaron and Georgia might make an interestingly murderous duo. Director.. (MORE) . GOW! OSCAR Hey Mr. I'VE WORKED WITH THOSE LOSERS BEFORE! THEY WENT RIGHT AHEAD AND THEY SLAUGHTERED TWO PEOPLE THE SAME WAY THEY SLAUGHTERED THE SCORE. Maybe he was blackmailing her because he thought she'd killed Jessica.. SHE DID IT. (beat) I never said that. SHE DID IT. THEY DID IT. huddling. and they're all quite. I bet she did it. she should have just killed me.. SHE DID IT. I KNOW. You think it was Bambi? NIKI No.?? AARON Step-father.

. THEY DID IT THEN HID IT. GEORGIA Chris. I suppose one of us ought to drive a stake through his heart. ." His neck getting broken at the very end didn't help much either.. Carmen? CARMEN (looks up) You all sent out for sandwiches and nobody thought to tell me? GEORGIA Well let's at least be considerate of his daughter. just to be safe.. BELLING Nonetheless. not in front of his widow! (to Carmen) How are you holding up. BELLING Ah. whoever killed Jessica and Sidney deserves both the electric chair and my deepest gratitude.the best advertising my money didn't have to buy. welcome back Lieutenant to your marathon production of No Exit. HE [SHE] [THEY] DID IT . THIS IS THE END OF THEIR OUTPUT. GROUP C (Continued) WELL.. He's made us a front page story -.. . THEY DID IT... & C (EACH repeats their chorus contrapuntally) HE [SHE] [THEY] DID IT . AND SOON THEY'LL BE GOING TO SING .. B.. CIOFFI I've just come from the coroner and thought you'd all want to know that Sidney Bernstein's demise has been pronounced "death by asphyxiation. [Etc. -SING! -SON! -GOW! OSCAR (to Belling) Well.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 58.] (At the end:) . CIOFFI Good afternoon.. THEIR FUTURE IS NOT WORTH A THING THEY DID IT. SING! GROUPS A. folks.

JOHNNY Chris and Oscar have keys as well. AARON He woke up just in time to die. that's horrible. he could have been killed by any person who had access to this stage. knowing that when the curtain went down. . OSCAR How's that? CIOFFI Corpses don't bruise.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 59. the rope would finish the job if he wasn't dead already. He was the father I never had -. CIOFFI We found a copy of "Variety" with words cut out of it in the stage manager's office. BAMBI Step-daughter. I don't want any special treatment. CIOFFI So you see. All of us were standing on the stage when Bernstein got the old heave-ho. BOBBY I guess we all thought about strangling him one time or another. gosh. CIOFFI I'm afraid that gets no one off the hook. I never got a single break from him I didn't earn twice over. It wouldn't have been there if he'd been struck after he was dead.like that one over there -. A room you keep under lock and key. OSCAR You learn something new every day. Being hoisted up in the air must have caused him to regain consciousness. huh? GEORGIA My god. The coroner's office found a grapefruit-sized bump on Bernstein's head. Such as Johnny.literally. And even though I was his very own step-flesh and step-blood. JOHNNY Oh.and wrapped it around Bernstein's neck. unhooked a rope from a counterweight sandbag -. CIOFFI Someone bashed him over the head. OSCAR At least everybody has an alibi.

CIOFFI When? . and . NIKI Well thanks. containing all your names alongside his personal secret code. CIOFFI (to Company) But keep in mind. Miss Harris. since the "Variety" we found in Johnny's office was missing different words than the ones sent to the late Miss Cranshaw. I found this little black book in Bernstein's breast pocket. (long beat.. I think -. and picked you to deliver them because you've already proven yourself to be reliable.[] CIOFFI Yes. just so very nice. I wasn't being blackmailed" but also meaning. Obviously because each one of you was being blackmailed. BELLING Well it's an honor just to be nominated.I think the killer wants me to see these notes . I suspected we'd turn up another death threat.. and trustworthy. Of course." OSCAR Oh my god! Sid Bernstein died for nothing. CIOFFI Then it seems like you three gentlemen get to be my first official murder suspects. NIKI But why would the killer put death threats intended for Mr.. you're all under suspicion. "No! I've just found more death threats. He told me that he was gonna close the show." (bringing her script to Cioffi) This time addressed to Sidney Bernstein.) Meaning "No.. (reads:) "Dear Sidney: close the show or I'll drop the curtain on you. Bernstein in my script? CIOFFI That's such a good question.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 60. NIKI No! (As all look at her.) The death threats? CIOFFI Death threats.

It wasn't like my late husband to get cold feet.) NIKI Lieutenant? What's the matter? CIOFFI It's been troubling me since yesterday. you -BOBBY All right. but he really did change his mind. (THEY EXIT as NIKI sees CIOFFI lost in thought.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 61. of all the people on this stage. why is it that Bobby -BOBBY What. wouldn't it be funny if someone had been blackmailing him? OSCAR Hilarious.I mean. see? CARMEN (takes the check) Thanks. we know Rob Hood is going to be at the sharpshooting contest the next day. Gee. Lieutenant. OSCAR In his office just before he got himself hoisted. He said somebody had made him change his mind about keeping Robbin' Hood open and told me to save my money for his next Boston show. After all. spit it out. Oscar. that's so strange. he was going upstairs to tell you the news. He gave me back the very last check I'd written him. we'll be needing that 'cause I'm not changing my mind for anything. Hey. OSCAR Oh good. Come on. Last time I saw him. Carmen. let's figure how we spend this. although he sure has them now. CARMEN And somebody killed him before he got to me. CIOFFI I mean. CIOFFI You ought to be in the Fort Wilderness Square Dance number. I just don't -. wouldn't you go to the big hoedown in disguise? . BOBBY Beg pardon? CIOFFI You'd stop the show. Carmen.

. can you improvise a short turn for yourself in time for tonight? BOBBY Sure. (flirtatiously to Aaron) Not. I'm so moved and touched and grateful. Interesting you say that. as long as we're rehearsing the number. BAMBI Aaron. Georgia.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 AARON 62. I'm so grateful and touched and moved. why don't you put in that little comedy bit you came up with for yourself? BAMBI Bobby. BELLING We'll time it out now. the Fort Wilderness square dance number! JOHNNY (yelling) The Fort Wilderness square dance number! BELLING Well I can do that. GEORGIA Aaron: just when did this idea first originate in your groin? BAMBI Oh please. Bobby. this was Aaron's idea. BOBBY Actually. just improvise a little something -Johnny. Bobby. CIOFFI I'm going to watch from the house. for gosh sakes. of course. but Jessica couldn't handle the staging -BELLING But we no longer have that little problem. CIOFFI I'll watch from out front. GEORGIA It's what we had in mind. that I would mind. BOBBY Bambi. CIOFFI Well. it's just losing a moustache and putting on the hood. would it kill you to try? BOBBY Around here these days. maybe. but I don't know if I'll be able to make the costume change for the next scene. Aaron has not tried anything with me.

Grady. there's only a few hours before we're going to be -GRADY -. but it's. CARMEN Hello. Bambi. of course. GRADY Anonymity is part of a critic's repertoire.) . (BAMBI and BOBBY Exit.reevaluated. Your show is news and I'll be interviewing members of your company down in the Green Room -. oh thank you. Bernstein.with your permission. no. BAMBI (to ALL) Everyone. that you have one. do you? BELLING I know I shouldn't bite the hand that slaps me. OSCAR More free publicity. but then. if somebody in this show hadn't killed him first.) BELLING Johnny. Carmen. (BOBBY returns.) BELLING You're Daryl Grady? Not what I expected. Mr. you forget I report on theatre as well as review it. GEORGIA Not. I've never actually seen a picture of you.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 63. and re-reviewed by Daryl Grady of the Boston Globe. I'm grateful and moved -GEORGIA And definitely touched. CARMEN Yeah. it's unethical for you to review our rehearsal -GRADY No. we'll work in the change. My late husband would have killed himself to get this much press. Grady. Like to get to the theatre early. (DARYL GRADY has entered. okay. get the cast back out here. reappraised. Mrs. The Green Room is yours. BOBBY Come on.

YOU CAN ALWAYS SEE JUST WHERE YOU'RE AT! IN KANSASLAND. BOBBY then breaks into a SOLO DANCE. Dancers leap crisscross behind him as he. Sasha.SUDDENLY A GUNSHOT RINGS OUT. WHERE YOUR HOME IS ON THE RANGE BUT IN KANSASLAND. "TOO BAD HE'S GOT THE FASTEST PISTOL IN THE WEST. "I DON'T WANT WHISKEY. BELLING All right everyone Kansasland.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 64. AIN'T NO FINER PLACE TO LIVE AND DIE THAN KANSASLAND. BUT SHE WAS NOT IMPRESSED. causing even CARMEN to beam with parental pride. I ONLY CAME TO TOWN TO FIND THE MAN WHO SHOT MY PAW!" COMPANY IN KANSASLAND. "I AIM TO MIND THE LAW. a real stand-out moment for her. OLD DOC HOLIDAY." COMPANY IN KANSASLAND. leaps -. BOBBY stumbles and falls to the ground. MADE HOUSECALLS TO THIS GAL WHO WORKED AT A BORDELLO CALLED "THE IT'S OKAY CORRAL" DOC SET HER UP WITH WYATT EARP. too. IT JUST DON'T PAY TO BE TOO ODD! Yee Haw! RANDY (as Parson Tuck) IN TOMBSTONE. yee haw. RANDY (as Parson Tuck) AN ANGRY MEAN OLD YELLER DOG DRESSED UP LIKE DANIEL BOONE... HE WALKS IN THE SALOON. IT AIN'T TOO SMART TO BE TOO STRANGE! Yee Haw! (BAMBI has a sparkling comedy solo bit in the number. SHE SAID. EVERYBODY'S CLOSE TO GOD! SO IN KANSASLAND. A BANDAGE ROUND HIS FRONT RIGHT LEG. WHERE THE PRAIRIE MEETS THE SKY! IN KANSASLAND. THE EARTH IS MIGHTY FLAT! SO IN KANSASLAND.) ." SAYS THE DOG.

Everybody. (CIOFFI steps over to the two MEN carrying a prop Canoe. so nobody's getting out.. CIOFFI "A moving target. including whoever fired that shot." Good point. how many people knew you'd be leaping when you did? BOBBY Well. Whoever shot Bobby has had plenty of time to fire again if all he wanted to do was kill Bobby. SASHA I'm having baton in my right hand. . You try shooting a moving target that way. (helping BOBBY to his feet. whoever fired the gun probably knew he could shoot right through it .. Did anyone see anybody fire a weapon? BAMBI Wait a minute. Maestro. CIOFFI Uh-huh. you weren't the person they were trying to shoot.. I was ad-libbing. my left is turning the pages of the score every few seconds. Sasha.... I'm bleeding. And here's where the bullet entered . They obviously took their best shot and ran . CIOFFI Step back! I've got men posted at all the exits. Unless .) CIOFFI (Continued) Guys. unless of course it was you. go back to exactly where were you when Bobby jumped.. remember? CIOFFI So it would be a tall order for someone to shoot you in midair. the canoe was about there when the shot rang out? HARV That's right .. it's just balsa wood. CIOFFI (examines Bobby's arm) Looks like it's just a crease wound. BOBBY Hey. aren't we all sitting ducks here? CIOFFI There are two types of murderers: those who just want to kill somebody and those who want to get away with it.) Bobby..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 65.. nobody. Bobby ...

(nods at Male Dancer behind him. but it continued past you . we could have been killed! CIOFFI And here's where it exited. So you weren't the target either. Lieutenant? .. I moved here to give him room. we should be able to determine .) You can ask him why. faces Harv) You. but I put up a good front. NIKI I'm planted right here throughout the number. I guess that means the bullet was meant for me.. Niki. (walks forward) you. there you go. so that it was really fired at a dancer such as .. when Bobby jumped. BOBBY Fancy shooting. CIOFFI Too damn fancy. NIKI What do you mean? CIOFFI Well.. right? So I can rule you out as the killer. See. you jumped into the bullet's path. NIKI You hadn't ruled me out already. So the bullet must have been aimed at .. Why aren't you wounded? HARV I am. CIOFFI Are you usually standing here at this point in the number? HARV No.. you couldn't very well have shot at yourself. just by threading the streamer through this hole and the one on the other side .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 66. deep down. yup. with the two bullet holes.. Johnny.. (walks forward.. CIOFFI Oh. hand me one of those yellow streamers. HARV Oh my god. CIOFFI Oh thank God. Bobby..

So it's exactly the opposite.. it's bleeding. Please put it the way it's (They invert the canoe. CIOFFI (searching the scenery behind her) But . CARMEN Me. where's the bullet? It grazed Bobby and then -. Oscar. CIOFFI But that's impossible. and you were leaping with your right side to the audience. Carmen. / 'Fraid not. Aaron. Chris.. CARMEN But that would mean -.) CIOFFI (Continued) There.. I guess we're holding it upside down. CIOFFI (examining the proscenium) Yup. (MORE) .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 67. Johnny. grazed Bobby and went through the canoe. Bobby. the bullet was fired from upstage left. / Nah.. and here's the bullet. (indicates the audience) and through the canoe. / No such luck.. CIOFFI "You're holding it upside down. in the proscenium. BOBBY Well. by someone on this stage or just behind that scenery up there. on its way to ." supposed to go. you.Wait a second. was anyone with you when you heard the shot? BELLING & OSCAR & AARON & JOHNNY I doubt it. (He looks at the TRAPPER MEN holding the canoe.. CIOFFI .) Guys? Why are those straps hanging down from the canoe? RUSSELL Oh. you're holding that handkerchief against your left arm. there's no way the bullet could graze the left side of your left arm.that the shot was fired . because you're both downstage of Bobby.. If the shot came from out there.. CIOFFI So the only people who couldn't have fired the shot are Carmen and Sasha.

WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 68. I might have killed you. I'm afraid we'll have to search all of you .) .) BAMBI She did it! COMPANY (instantly singing with orchestra) SHE DID IT. It's an automatic. OUR NIKI IS TRICKY AND -CIOFFI Please stop that. SHE DID IT. Niki. (LOUD PROTESTS) NIKI There won't be any need for that! (NIKI is holding a gun.. SHE DID IT. don't you think Bobby should play his dance much further downstage? BELLING I was planning to have the same idea. Gosh. so I guess it can't be a prop in our western story. KNOCK IT OFF! And let me warn you: this cast will not stand by while someone tries to murder me! (Beat. (cautiously) Niki? What are you doing with that gun? NIKI I found it behind this barrel.. CIOFFI (Continued) (to Belling) And by the way. SHE DID IT. CIOFFI Hand me the gun very slowly. CARMEN Well I have something to say to whichever one of you tried to knock me off.) NIKI (Continued) -.trigger. (laughs) At least I won't be leaving my fingerprints on the evidence this time: there's tape wrapped around the handle and the uhm -(The GUN EXPLODES. Frank. CIOFFI (to Cast) Well.

CIOFFI You couldn't be surrounded by more police than you are at the moment. which you ought to be considering the fifteen years of singing.) CARMEN Cioffi. CIOFFI Uhm. rest assured he'll pay the full penalty of the law. You need to get something to eat. you're gonna protect me. Elaine. Chris. your closet and your boyfriends. dancing. give them a ten. JOHNNY We're on a ten. RANDY You know we're way overdue for a break. right? There's already been two murders committed on this stage. and acting lessons I paid for. I'll taste your food for you. BELLING Well I can do that. maybe I should leave -- . And I've seen a couple of your boyfriends in the closet with your makeup.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 69. everyone. Bernstein. I thought I did pretty good in that last number. BAMBI Come on. mother. CARMEN You were okay. (sees her hesitate) If you're nervous. I've seen your make-up. And if the killer does strike. CARMEN You have no taste. CARMEN Please tell me that's not Plan A. BAMBI You never have a good word to say about me. Buying dancing lessons for you was like buying gloves for Captain Hook. Mrs. do you? Especially in public. BELLING Quite right. BELLING Three if you count the integrity of musical theatre. Johnny. (THE COMPANY greets this with delight and quickly EXITS.

CARMEN No. I may be your mother..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 70. Elaine.. BAMBI Bambi -CARMEN WHO PISSES AWAY A LOT OF HER HARD-EARNED BUCKS. ELAINE . GO ON. YOU NEEDN'T BE SO SMART IT'S A BUSINESS! IT ISN'T MAKING HISTORY IT ISN'T MAKING ART IT'S A BUSINESS! SHAW AND IBSEN TAKE 'EM AWAY AND DON'T BOTHER ME WITH MOLIERE THOSE RUSSIANS NEVER PAY SO. too. but as a Broadway producer. BAMBI What. ELAINE.. CRITICIZE ME PLEASE PROCEED WITH YOUR ATTACK IT'S A BUSINESS! I PUT ONE MILLION IN AND I EXPECT TWO MILLION BACK IT'S A BUSINESS! SO WHAT CRIME HAVE I COMMITTED? IF I'M PUTTING UP A FIGHT IT'S A BUSINESS! (MORE) . there's something even more important to me than getting you a star turn.. BAMBI Bambi! CARMEN BUT FACING THE FACT YOUR COLORATURA SUCKS -BAMBI! THOUGH IT BREAKS YOUR MOTHER'S HEART FORGET ABOUT THE PART IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO KNOW WHY I REALLY BACKED THIS SHOW YOU ASK ME FOR MY MOTIVES WELL. CARMEN Me turning a profit. you have dreams of being in the theatre. (SHE sings) I'VE NEVER BEEN KNOWN AS ONE OF THOSE STUPID CLUCKS. you should hear this.

RANDY. CARMEN What does that mean? It should only be filled on shabbas?! Wise up. OSCAR IN THE BUSINESS! CARMEN HE MOUNTED SAMUEL BECKETT I DON'T MEAN IT LIKE IT SOUNDS IT WAS BUSINESS! BOBBY. fellas -(THEY give her half-hearted applause) You know what I mean! Back me up! THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT DOESN'T NEED TO TURN A BUCK THAT'S NOT BUSINESS! BOBBY. JOHNNY. mother. RANDY and OSCAR. JOHNNY. JOHNNY. GIVE THEM "LYSISTRATA" AND I WISH THEM LOTS OF LUCK I DO BUSINESS! BOBBY. SHMORKY MONEY MISSPENT YOU WON'T SURVIVE YOM KIPPUR AND YOU'LL NEVER GET THROUGH LENT I ONCE KNEW A PRODUCER WHOSE PRETENSION KNEW NO BOUNDS IN THE BUSINESS! BOBBY. CARMEN (Continued) AND I WANT THOSE PAYING SUCKERS OUT THERE GIVING ME THE BUSINESS EVERY NIGHT! Am I getting through. JOHNNY. OSCAR IT WAS BUSINESS! . RANDY. Elaine! CARMEN (Continued) (to BOBBY. RANDY. RANDY. but as far as I'm concerned the theater is a temple. OSCAR SHE DOES BUSINESS! CARMEN GORKY.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 71. Elaine? BAMBI I'm sorry. who have entered) Give me a hand. JOHNNY. OSCAR THAT'S NOT BUSINESS! CARMEN SO.

JOHNNY. OSCAR IT'S A BUSINESS! CARMEN I'D DO "THE KAMA SUTRA" WITH A BOCK & HARNICK SCORE THAT'S GOOD BUSINESS! BOBBY. RANDY. OSCAR IT'S A BUSINESS! CARMEN THE OWNER OF THESE PREMISES CLEANS UP IF WE'RE A HIT HE'S IN BUSINESS! BOBBY. RANDY. RANDY... JOHNNY. RANDY. JOHNNY.. OSCAR HE'S IN BUSINESS! CARMEN UNION MEMBERS DON'T WORK FOR FREE HEY. BOBBY. OSCAR IT'S A BUSINESS . RANDY. CARMEN SO.they know what side their tap shoes are buttered on! TO STAGEHANDS.. HARRY. HONEY. ALL THE TIME! (indicates the CHORUS) Look at them. CARMEN AND THE SHOWS I DO DO BUSINESS 'CAUSE I REALLY KNOW MY BUSINESS AND I'M GIVING THEM THE BUSINESS. ON THE SPOTLIGHT! BLINK TWICE IF YOU AGREE! (As the SPOTLIGHT blinks twice) SEE? I'M NOT DEVOID OF CULTURE BUT MY FEET ARE ON THE FLOOR IT'S A BUSINESS! BOBBY. TO THE DRESSERS TO MUSICIANS IN THE PIT IT'S A BUSINESS! BOBBY. NOW HE'S DOWN THE CRAPPER WHILE I'M WORKING IN MY PRIME IT'S A BUSINESS . Elaine -.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 72. JOHNNY. JOHNNY. OSCAR THAT'S GOOD BUSINESS! .

] CARMEN She volunteered for this life. (to BAMBI) Why of all the names on earth did you pick "Bambi"? BAMBI Because in the movie. you showed me something amazing in that Kansasland number.even if as your mother it pains me to say it. CARMEN Somebody just tried to do that to me. BAMBI Lieutenant. Bambi's mother is shot to death by hunters. CARMEN YES. sweetheart... CARMEN AND THE SHOWS I DO DO BUSINESS YES. changed her name . [aren't you being unduly harsh. RANDY. and I notice nobody's ruled out you yet. dyed her hair.. JOHNNY. You'll never be more than a chorus girl.. Come on.. (CARMEN and OSCAR exit.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 73. JOHNNY. CIOFFI Mrs. Elaine -. I'm so moved and -- . Bernstein. I'll buy you a drink. GREEN'S MY FAVORITE COLOR AND I DON'T MEAN ON THE GRASS IT'S A BUSINESS . OSCAR IT'S A BUSINESS . I got the keys to the bar in the lobby. BAMBI Seems like you want everyone to know it. Oscar. SWEETIE BLOW IT OUT YOUR -BOBBY. that's my opinion and I don't care who knows it. BOBBY.) CIOFFI Well. despite what your mother says. RANDY. OSCAR BUSINESS! IT'S A BUSINESS! IT'S A BUSINESS! CARMEN And it's strictly business when I say you're not star material. I'M GOOD AT DOING BUSINESS AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY BUSINESS..

/ Sure thing. that little bit you added in "Kansasland" is terrific. BOBBY (Continued) Yes. AARON. Aaron was right about you. BAMBI Georgia -GEORGIA "Touched.) CIOFFI Talk to the three of you for a minute? GEORGIA. I consider what anyone in the cast shares with me to be privileged information. of course. Lieutenant .. you were great -. (JOHNNY leaves with BAMBI. GEORGIA Bambi. moved. what I know..but I was referring to something related to the murders. Except . Listen kiddo. I don't think you wanna.. of course. BAMBI Thanks. AARON.. CIOFFI Oh yes. (sly) Besides. Lieutenant. CIOFFI What do you mean by that? BAMBI Sounds juicy. CIOFFI (produces a small black book) You remember Bernstein's little black book of blackmail? (MORE) . GEORGIA Don't pay any attention to what your mother says. grateful. it doesn't make any sense. JOHNNY Believe me. JOHNNY A stage manager is equal parts psychiatrist. At least no one can say you're in this show because of nepotism. And I was unfair to you both. Mother Hen and Father Confessor. Bambi isn't the girl in this cast who's used personal connections to help her career.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 74. You have real talent. / Of course. I never saw you work solo before. / Of course. BOBBY Yes. GEORGIA." got it. / Sure thing. I want to say ...

GEORGIA You did it without me? AARON Had to. time is not ticking in our favor. since we don't have time to create new parts by tonight. and you. for gosh sakes. Going by this book." We made it more of a he-man number for the Men. Lieutenant? CIOFFI Well. GEORGIA Very smart. Bobby and I already taught it to half the cast.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 75. with three noteworthy exceptions: you. and Aaron! AARON What? CIOFFI For the love of Mike. how can you already have parts for the orchestra to play? AARON I wrote a new melody to fit the old arrangement. You've been too busy rehearsing. it's done. you. What I Don't Know might hurt someone. (beat) Nothing. huh? Listen. GEORGIA If you just wrote it. you might try the truth. Yet despite being proven Broadway veterans. Why are you toiling for pennies when each of you could be doing so much better elsewhere? BOBBY What can I tell you. CIOFFI (a bit peeved) Can I hear it? AARON Sasha! A quick chorus of "In the Same Boat. the production budget says you're getting the same raw deal as the rest of the cast. where is the rewrite you promised for "In the Same Boat?" AARON (relieved) Oh. CIOFFI (Continued) Every member of this cast has something written alongside their name in code. . that? Yeah. Bernstein had nothing on you.

.I think you and Georgia.??? (He ponders. I'd be the first to say if it was miles off the mark. It's a good try. AARON WE'D LIKE TO BAIL GEORGIA BUT WE FORGOT THE PAIL. but. that's the basic idea. AARON.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 76. BOBBY AND AARON HERE WE ARE... MY SHIPMATES AND ME LOST ON A WINDY SEA.) AARON Well. GEORGIA Very butch. believe me. Lieutenant. (THEY GROAN. GEORGIA (laughs) "TAKE ANOTHER SHOT AND I'LL SHOOT YOU ON THE SPOT.) CIOFFI I'm sorry. there's still something just -. BOBBY ALL THE PLANKS ARE SPRINGING A LEAK. Obviously. GEORGIA AS SOME FELLA WROTE AND WHAT THE HECK WE'RE IN THE SAME BOAT! (NIKI has entered during this. So . that "vim" we're been looking for. it needs to be put on its feet .) No. together this time." right?[] . and. BOBBY AND AARON AND WE REGRET TO SAY OUR COMPASS IS GONE. BUT SOMEHOW WE STILL SAIL ON BOBBY AND GEORGIA BECAUSE TWO HEADS AARON THREE HEADS! BOBBY AND GEORGIA ARE BEST BOBBY. and it does have that.. ought to take another shot at it.

GEORGIA Say again? CIOFFI Niki and Jessica Cranshaw are the only cast members who saw it. Pardon? GEORGIA I was quoting one of the death threats sent to my predecessor. / Hold on a second . I told you I wouldn't so I didn't. GEORGIA Then I guess Niki told me. I get it! You want to give a little boost to your sweetheart's career.. GEORGIA & BOBBY & AARON What are you saying? / You're joking. I'm beginning to wish someone would put me out of my misery as well. Frank. no . CIOFFI Miss Hendricks.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 CIOFFI 77. of course. Other than the person who sent it. I have no choice but to take you downtown and book you on suspicion of murder. CIOFFI Now isn't that always the way. CIOFFI I told her not to tell anyone. would you be able to go on tonight? NIKI Oh my gosh. (But she starts vocal warm-ups with high.. CIOFFI My relationship with Niki Harris is purely that of police investigator and possible suspect. NIKI I didn't. I never read that particular death threat out loud. in light of this. close-lipped "Hmmm" sounds. Someone plans a murder so cleverly and so often what betrays them is the silliest little slip... CIOFFI Niki. .) GEORGIA Oh. Georgia.

I can handle spending a night or two in the tank until after you get your rave reviews. GEORGIA I thought you were dead set against me taking this part. Mr. Lieutenant. Please come with me.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 NIKI 78. Besides. CIOFFI I'm more than glad. . the show can go on without me at this point. but not without you. I'm the one you want. That's all I'm saying until I talk to an attorney. Jessica Cranshaw's death -(to Niki) -. Fox? AARON I said what I said. CIOFFI It's not? NIKI No I'm really liking you. this is a great thing that's happening in your life. I assure you.please don't forget what we were saying -(to Georgia) Jessica's death gave you the chance to star on Broadway and with Sidney Bernstein planning to close the show here. AARON Wait a second. his death kept that chance alive. GEORGIA This is crazy -AARON Honey. NIKI I'm glad to hear that. yes. Frank. GEORGIA Arresting me for murder! CIOFFI Of course. CIOFFI Oh it's reciprocal. No it's not. CIOFFI You're confessing to the murders.) CIOFFI (Continued) I was doing something. (Beat.

. That's how Sidney got me to work for peanuts..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 79. Aaron. huddled over a piano each night . too. there is no me and Bambi. AARON That was just me being selfish. I wanted the same thing... What about you and Bambi? AARON Oh please. GEORGIA SOMETIMES .. GEORGIA SOMETIMES .. AARON But .. AARON MAKING YOU WAIT . Our life... GEORGIA Our show. It was the only way to be near you and around you again . the two of us stuck together out of town.. God what was I thinking when I let everything fall apart. GEORGIA Forget that. Oh yeah. I knew if you took over Jessica's role. I just genuinely thought she could make our show better. be with me. AARON TOO SELF-INVOLVED TO SAY HOW I DO NEED YOU THOUGH HEAVEN KNOWS HOW DEEPLY I DO . who knows what might have happened? GEORGIA That's what Sidney had over me. You said our show. you wouldn't have time to write with me.. our show. AARON You did? GEORGIA I do... AARON Yeah. you and Bobby.. I was THINKING OF ME THINKING OF ME LATELY IT'S CLEAR I'VE SPENT EVERY MOMENT OF MY WAKING DAYS THINKING OF ME SHUTTING YOU OUT . Aaron.

on the double. guess the joke's on me. ISN'T IT TIME? ISN'T IT HIGH TIME WE WERE THINKING OF . AARON Lieutenant I'm excused? CIOFFI Go. I hereby officially un-confess. (AARON exits... You made a mistake. AARON & GEORGIA WELL.. GEORGIA LORD ONLY KNOWS HOW DEEPLY I DO AARON THINKING OF YOU THINKING OF ME HOW I REGRET THE HOURS WE'VE WASTED JUST COASTING ALONG THINKING OF ME AARON ONLY OF ME I WAS SO SELFISH I TURNED AWAY SOMEHOW . partner.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 80. US NOW? GEORGIA Wait a second. AARON (to Georgia) I'll see you downstairs? Partner? GEORGIA You betcha. Cioffi! You know how I knew that particular death threat? You showed it to me when you were questioning me! And you were going to charge me with murder! CIOFFI Well. AARON Umm.. NIKI Oh Frank. Chris needs to see you.) GEORGIA THINKING OF HIM THINKING OF HIM HOW I REGRET THE HOURS WE'VE WASTED JUST COASTING ALONG THINKING OF HIM . JOHNNY Aaron.

you and Aaron are still suspects. I've been a pretend Casanova for weeks now. CIOFFI A treat to share a scene with you. You got Aaron to show you his cards. Georgia asked me to act like we're still involved. CIOFFI It's some sacrifice. Lieutenant.) . And give me some credit: I think I've been giving the performance of a lifetime. just a polite reminder . if she asked me. GEORGIA (Continued) Thank you. (HE leaves.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 81. doing this show. GEORGIA (nods) Right. Fooling Georgia that I'm acting. But there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. with all the pain you're in. BOBBY Pain? Yeah. A good one..) CIOFFI And you've been playing a part as well. (SHE leaves. CIOFFI Except commit murder? BOBBY Maybe even that. You played your part very effectively. I thought. haven't you. Miss Hendricks. and I got the answer to why you both came on board with this show. Bobby? BOBBY What did Georgia tell you? (laughs) Okay.. It was actually Georgia's idea. NIKI You and Georgia staged all that? CIOFFI Everything but Aaron's lines. Lots and lots of pain. She was always crazy about Aaron. Yeah. Oh. that our brief fling a while back was something more than that. Lieutenant. And a fair exchange as well. NIKI Fooling Aaron into thinking you still love Georgia. BOBBY No.

Frank? CIOFFI I thought -.Niki. CIOFFI May I be bold? NIKI (admiration) Oh I already know you are. is there any weapon more deadly? CIOFFI Statistically. I thought to myself -(HE sings) YOU AND I WE COULD BE A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW CAN'T YOU SEE? (MORE) . Why does love make so many people feel so bad? In your professional experience. isn't it? You should warn the public that Cupid is armed and dangerous... CIOFFI Oh Miss Ellis. huh. Frank. CIOFFI I've never believed that whole "Some Enchanted Evening" thing.. Until now.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 82. NIKI Please call me Frank. The first time I saw you on stage . there was a blue wash on the stage and they hit with you with a pink special . CIOFFI Maybe romance should be kept strictly in the hands of the police. NIKI If that meant present company. crimes of passion outnumber armed robbery eight-to-one. NIKI Oh Frank.. I'd vote "yes" for that proposition. I mean: please call me . and it was -NIKI It was just like a musical.. NIKI The heart is such an easy target..

slap. really -. slap. you can. stamp. I wish I could do that -NIKI Well. please! . Now a SPOTLIGHT hits her and SHE begins doing a simple time-step) CIOFFI (Continued) Gosh. can you add some more instruments.slap. Frank? (Calling to the balcony:) Harry! Put him in pink! (Spot hits Cioffi) Looking good. step -. Now let's break out -(Dance) How about a spotlight of your own.. hop.slap. hop.. stamp -NIKI -. step.It's called a time-step. stamp.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 CIOFFI (Continued) 83. stamp -CIOFFI & NIKI Stomp. ANYWHERE YOU AND I WE COULD STAY A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW IN EVERY WAY IF YOU HOLD MY HAND AND LET THE MUSIC START LET THE CURTAINS PART LET THE SPOTLIGHT GLOW -(NIKI has turned away. step. silly! That's why we're in Boston! It's simple. SPECIAL PEOPLE DOING SPECIAL THINGS RUNNING RINGS AROUND ANY PAIR. WE'D BE A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW I KNOW! NIKI Sasha. please?! CIOFFI Oh that sounds great! Would it be asking too much for a little scenery? NIKI (Calling Off:) Johnny! A little scenery.just follow me -(taking his hand) Stomp. Frank! Looking really good! NIKI & CIOFFI . step -.

Frank -. it's silly .. "It was just like a musical. CIOFFI & NIKI WE'D BE A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW I KNOW! NIKI I said.let's strut our stuff like there's no tomorrow! ALL YOU AND I WE COULD STAY A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW IN EVERY WAY IF YOU HOLD MY HAND AND LET THE MUSIC START LET THE CURTAINS PART LET THE SPOTLIGHT GLOW . too! And the song we were singing -NIKI Would make for a great opening number? .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 84. CIOFFI No. gang! (DANCERS Enter) Let's do it.what were you doing just now? NIKI Oh. NIKI I was imagining we were singing and dancing together -... huh. CIOFFI And how about a chorus line? I've always wanted to work in front of a chorus line -NIKI Come on in. CIOFFI So was I! Isn't that incredible? Both of us having the exact same fantasy at the exact same time! Marge and Gower Champion! In your fantasy. go ahead. CIOFFI Me.just like Marge and Gower Champion. Frank?" CIOFFI What? Niki -.. which one was I? NIKI Gower.

CIOFFI I keep forgetting. And I'm afraid I can't make an exception.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 85. CIOFFI You know. it could make for a really touching . You didn't say "no. exceptional. NIKI Nothing. I think it's time you told me what Sid Bernstein had on you.." Who is it? It couldn't have been Sid Bernstein. and that I wouldn't like knowing who she was. You know. Unlike the rest of the cast. NIKI What is it. CIOFFI Oh Niki. Did he mean you? NIKI Every show is filled with gossip. CIOFFI More like a finale. I should hum a few bars of it to Aaron and Georgia.the one with coded memos to himself about each person's secret -. NIKI Not really. .. CIOFFI No. I've gotten some wonderful reviews playing bigger roles in local productions. CIOFFI Johnny hinted that a woman in the cast used some secret personal connection to advance her career. from the moment I first shook your hand. even though you're . he wrote a great big zero. but this show is the best chance I've ever had at Broadway.. I want to be in this show. in Bernstein's notebook -. I thought -(troubled) Shook your hand.alongside your name. could it? Aaron? Bobby? Johnny? NIKI I made a promise to someone that I wouldn't talk about it. Really.. Frank? CIOFFI Niki. (beat) Would you like to go out? NIKI You won't let me. I don't break promises.

five minutes and we're back on stage.) CIOFFI You tell me now. (CIOFFI turns off the mike. (CIOFFI leaves.) CIOFFI (amplified) Johnny.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 NIKI 86. CIOFFI Or maybe it was the letter O. the sandwich you ordered is here. Niki. Folks. everybody downstairs can hear you. I'm glad.) JOHNNY (Continued) (hand over mike) For crying out loud. hurry up! NIKI Sorry! (NIKI runs off.or will you just hold it against me if I don't say what you want to hear? CIOFFI I hadn't finished with Niki. you have to change. When it's switched on. (Stage Manager JOHNNY has made this announcement on a standing mike which he now carries onto the stage.) . if Niki shared some secret with you. I have to know what it is! JOHNNY Don't talk near the microphone. JOHNNY In what capacity are you asking me that question? Officer of the law or jealous boyfriend? Can what I say be held against me -. Lieutenant. JOHNNY (on mike) Oscar.

) Don't be afraid . (The SOUNDS STOP suddenly. Trying to catch poor Ophelia here. (JOHNNY HELPS HIM OUT OF THE PIT. will you? We got a burned-out bulb. Nick.) JOHNNY Who's on Fly Three? That you...WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 87. (He moves a switch on the unit and the SCONCE LIGHTS GO OUT.) JOHNNY Whatever you're playing. JOHNNY Who's that? VOICE (O.) I'll just put her in her basket by the stage door. He walks over to the sandbag referenced by CIOFFI earlier in the Act.S. You can take five. (He has a large tabby cat in his arms) She's been with this theatre for eons apparently. Chased a mouse into the orchestra pit and got stuck amid the percussion instruments.) JOHNNY (Continued) Got away from our genius director. From the pit we hear:) VOICE (O.. He starts to unscrew a bulb when he hears again.. but stops as he hears SOUNDS wafting up from the orchestra pit: a music stand falling over. cymbals.. I won't hurt you . we've had two people die -(SUDDENLY. Nick? Drop in the chandelier from the saloon. dear fellow.) Come here. FJOHNNY Look. chimes. come here . coming from the pit: a light tapping on the timpani. rustling chimes.. it's not from the score of this show. bends over to pick it up. my precious . snare drum banging.. (JOHNNY is alone on the now dark stage. IN THE PIT WE SEE:) BELLING Sorry. Ophelia? . (BELLING EXITS. (up to "Nick") Thanks. eerie cymbals. did you.. this is no time to joke. Give us a hand. then a commotion with the timpani. didn't mean to put a fright into you.S.

He points his right finger downwards as he takes last breath. A SECOND SHOT clearly hits Johnny in the back. (crouching down) Here. He drags himself to get a sandbag. pushes the sandbag into the orchestra pit..) LIGHTS DIM . and grabbing it. kitty. (AS THE SCENE CHANGES to the catwalk area above the stage. THE GOINGS TERRIBLY TOUGH AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH WE'VE LOST AN OAR ...WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 88. casting wild. IN BELLING's HIGH VOICE:) JOHNNY (Continued) Come here. (sees someone) Well. He grabs at the hanging sconce.. JOHNNY is instantly spun around and tries to move upstage. if you're worried I'm going to tell anybody what I know about you and -(A LOUD SHOT explodes from within the orchestra pit. we hear from below . and falls to the floor. pussy kitten. (MUSIC CONTINUES. Here-kitty-kitty. (HE walks to the edge of the stage and looks down into the orchestra pit again.) COMPANY THE SEA'S UNUSUALLY ROUGH. Don't be afraid. what the Hell are you doing down there? Hey. moving shadows across the stage. which sets the sconce spinning and swinging. inadvertently switching it on.

You put them in. Johnny called them. THEY FIND IT ALL THEY CAN DO TO CALM THE CRAFT. FURTHER MORE LITTLE CHUM. WE'RE SO DUMB THAT WE DON'T KNOW OUR FORE FROM OUR AFT.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 ACT 2 SCENE 3 89. (We see the very top of a circular painted drop and the ropes that suspend it.. BELLING Let me catch my breath for a moment.. Chris.? NIKI That's very nice. NIKI And why do you need me? CIOFFI Oh. A fly bridge spans the width of the stage. BELLING Dying message? CIOFFI His bloodstains on the stage tell us he dragged himself to get a sandbag. crawled back to the edge of the stage. where would I even begin . CIOFFI And I also don't want to leave you unguarded until I know what Johnny's dying message was. CIOFFI Sure. please.. SCENE: IN THE FLY SPACE ABOVE THE COLONIAL STAGE. Niki. TIME: A short while later. BELLING May I ask why my participation in this climb is necessary? CIOFFI Because you know the most about the technical cues in the show. He died pointing at it.. and dropped it in the orchestra pit. Why? . CIOFFI. NIKI and BELLING emerge onto a metal landing a few steps beneath the CATWALK) COMPANY (Continued) .

. I'm certain Johnny was trying to leave us a clue. I've solved it." BELLING There will never be an end to "In the Same Boat"!!! COMPANY IN THE SAME BOAT. When something is flown down from here onto the stage. BELLING MARY MARTIN DROPS IN .. But we know our killer untied a sandbag from the end of one of these ropes so it could serve as a noose for Sid Bernstein's neck. They're rehearsing the latest version now! Same bloody orchestra part. CIOFFI That's right. SHAKIN' INSIDE AS THE TIDE KEEPS RISIN' NARY A SHIP. collect the entire series! CIOFFI My God. Maybe Johnny wanted us to look up here.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 90. SKYLINE DROPS IN. But I'm not sure we have any such cue in this show. fast. in order to blend back in with the rest of us downstairs. there's one at the end of "In the Same Boat. rather than up here? CIOFFI I looked down there and came up empty. third new melody." It's standard terminology. that's it! Of course. NIKI To throw the sandbag at his killer? CIOFFI I doubt he had enough strength to lift and throw it. NARY A SAIL. We only have one drop -CIOFFI Drop! Johnny dropped the sandbag into the pit. MOUNTAINS DROP IN. My God. ON THE SAME SEA. Come on. NIKI Oh. BELLING But there's very little to look at. NARY A SOUL ON THE WHOLE HORIZON BELLING (OVER THIS) Listen. BELLING Then shouldn't we be in the pit. No. we have to get down there. how would Johnny have given that cue? BELLING "Drop in. And I'm sure his killer left the pit the instant they'd shot Johnny. .

I just want to check what's written on the side of the drop . BELLING Not too fast.) TRANSITION TO: ." CIOFFI (Continued) Now what in the name of heaven -- (CIOFFI turns to see a man-sized sand bag swinging on a rope right at him.. (He leans over the edge of the catwalk to read the back of the drop .) "Planet Earth.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 91. It knocks him off the edge of the catwalk and he falls into the darkness below.... CIOFFI I'll be right with you. I can't see a bloody thing in this light ...

(A giant PLANET EARTH drops in with CIOFFI straddling the North Pole) COMPANY (Continued) . CIOFFI This was no accident. But that can wait because I think I've solved it! .. COMPANY THE WAVES ARE LAPPIN' A LOT THE SHARKS ARE SNAPPIN' A LOT THE THUNDER'S CLAPPIN' A LOT JUST HEAR IT ROAR BUT THERE'S NO DOUBT IN THE WORLD WE'LL STAY AFLOAT GOT THE PATIENCE OF JOB AS WE CIR-CLE THE GLOBE . SCENE: Back on THE COLONIAL STAGE TIME: Continuous THE FULL COMPANY (minus Niki and Belling) finishing the last few lines of the latest version of "In the Same Boat.." They are all in costume... (NIKI and BELLING rush on.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 ACT 2 SCENE 4 92..) NIKI (Continued) What happened? CIOFFI (indicating the fly area) Somebody up there doesn't like me. but I could use a little help .. and are watched by AARON. Did either one of you see anything up there? BELLING I was groping my way in the dark. 'CAUSE WE'RE IN THE SAME --! CIOFFI Excuse me. NIKI Maybe we accidentally unhitched a rope. CARMEN and OSCAR.) NIKI Frank! (THE CAST helps CIOFFI down. have music in their hands.

(THE CAST is excited) CIOFFI (Continued) I can't believe it took me so long to figure out.. Never mind. that you'd solved it! CIOFFI Solved how to salvage this number. Bring in the set. Sasha. never mind. hand me that score. Johnny! BAMBI He's dead! .. BAMBI But that's crazy.) CIOFFI (Continued) Damn! NIKI What's the matter. basic logic tells me -. That's what will give this number the kick in the derriere it's been needing . CIOFFI You know.. I want to run this now. CIOFFI Then if all three songs fit the same arrangement. but you'll sing all the different versions you learned. But we have nothing to lose. No time to write a new arrangement. right? AARON Had to. quick! (SASHA gives him the music. it'll make "Fugue for Tinhorns" sound like "Frere Jacques"! BELLING But what about the murders? CIOFFI Oh will you forget about the murders for a second! NIKI But you said you got it. then another.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 93.Aaron. they must all fit with each other.. it's just so crazy it might not work. CIOFFI briskly turns one page. Frank? CIOFFI I just remembered I can't read music. You'll do the same blocking as before. you wrote all three melody lines to the same orchestra part. the whole company singing three different songs at the same time .

you and your shipmates will sing what you always do -BOBBY Aye. Chris. you'll sing the version Aaron came up with this morning. SHAKIN' INSIDE AS THE TIDE KEEPS RISIN'! NARY A SHIP. The rest of you will follow Georgia's lead. BUT SOMEHOW WE STILL SAIL ON BECAUSE TWO HEADS (Harv: Three heads!) ARE BEST AS SOME FELLA WROTE AND WHAT THE HECK WE'RE IN THE SAME BOAT.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 94. CIOFFI Oh right I forgot. AND WE REGRET TO SAY OUR COMPASS IS GONE. Roberta. you call the cues. Bobby. aye. RANDY. CIOFFI That's Lieutenant. CIOFFI (on "HORIZON") The three pals! BOBBY. CIOFFI Ladies! . Sasha! SASHA Ready! CIOFFI Roll em'! BELLING Action! CIOFFI (over intro) Okay. NARY A SOUL ON THE WHOLE HORIZON. Bambi. ALL THE PLANKS ARE SPRINGING A LEAK. NARY A RAIL. MY SHIPMATES AND ME LOST IN A WINDY SEA.AND HARV HERE WE ARE. captain. it's just Bobby at the top. BOBBY IN THE SAME BOAT. WE'D LIKE TO BAIL BUT WE FORGOT THE PAIL. Niki. ON THE SAME SEA.

STILL NO ONE IS NEAR WHO CAN HEAR WHEN WE S. NIKI. TATTERED AND TORN WEARY AND WORN FEELIN' FORLORN THAT WE LOOK UNTIDY CHEWIN' OUR NAILS PRAYIN' THAT WHALES AREN'T ALLOWED TO EAT MEAT ON "FRI-DY" STILL. THE THUNDER'S CLAPPIN' A LOT. FURTHER MORE LITTLE CHUM. HOW WE LONG TO STAND STILL STOMACHS ARE IN DISTRESS WE NEED A HELPING HAND. CIOFFI Now put it all together! .S. AND OTHERS(TBD) THE WAVES ARE LAPPIN' A LOT.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 95. JUST HEAR IT ROAR! BUT THERE'S NO DOUBT IN THE WORLD WE'LL STAY AFLOAT 'CAUSE IT'S EASY TO WIN TAKE IT ALL ON THE CHIN WHEN YOU'RE IN THE SAME BOAT. BAMBI. AND ROBERTA IN THE SAME BOAT ON THE SAME SEA SHAKIN' INSIDE AS THE TIDE KEEPS RISIN' NARY A SHIP NARY A PLANE NARY A SOUL ON THE WHOLE HORIZON OH. THE SHARKS ARE SNAPPIN' A LOT. CIOFFI The gang on the river boat joins in! GEORGIA. THE GOING TERRIBLY TOUGH AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH WE'VE LOST AN OAR. THEY'RE SO DUMB THAT THEY DON'T KNOW OUR FORE FROM OUR AFT.O. Georgia and Bobby! GEORGIA AND BOBBY THE SEA'S UNUSUALLY ROUGH. BOBBY. WE ARE NOT DISCOURAGED DUE TO THE ANCIENT QUOTE YOU ARE LIKELY TO WIN TAKE IT ALL ON THE CHIN WHEN YOU'RE IN THE SAME BOAT CIOFFI Okay. WE FIND IT ALL WE CAN DO TO CALM THE CRAFT.

concluding with a unified tag of: COMPANY AND WE'RE TOGETHER IN THE SAME BOAT! (Again a giant cutout of THE PLANET EARTH flies in at the rear of the stage. Lieutenant? . I'm sure you're not the only one who's bewildered -CIOFFI What did you say? NIKI You're not the only one .... All three sections are sung straight through simultaneously.. But it's impossible.. Lieutenant. sorry. CARMEN What in the world does it mean? CIOFFI A "world" . on a stage . (whirls on BELLING) CHRIS!! BELLLING I did it!! (beat) No. I always take credit for everything. yes.? BELLING All the world's a stage? CIOFFI Yes. CARMEN But have you improved your chance of catching the person who killed my husband and Jessica Cranshaw? CIOFFI I'm sure this image of the Planet Earth was the clue that Johnny was trying to point us to.) BELLING Congratulations. you've greatly improved the number as well as the likelihood of my taking credit for it. NIKI Frank. reflex. What do you want. You just told me everything..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 96. CIOFFI Oh Niki. THE NUMBER ENDS and the COMPANY applauds themselves.

WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 97. Niki. and I'll need Johnny's microphone. Places.) CIOFFI Listen.) (to CAST.A. she'll be leaving the show at the end of the Boston run to create the role of Mrs.) Yes. your and I've still got a lot of notes wrap this up fast but it would be time.. the sooner we can all get back to what we came here for: making Robbin' Hood a hit. people! (As the COMPANY scurries. because we need the rehearsal her blocking on two numbers. You do what you have to do. NIKI Because you can only keep us here so long before someone files for a writ of habeas corpus? CIOFFI No. Lieutenant Frank Cioffi. CIOFFI takes NIKI aside and downstage. I've got to solve this case right now. the part when Jessica Cranshaw collapsed. BELLING The Company Bows? My God. BELLING will bring out the PA mike that JOHNNY once used. BELLING Very well. (HE turns on the microphone) CIOFFI (OVER P. Chris. into PA mike) Folks. After the curtain. Now can we run the bows please? Sasha! . you call the cues . CIOFFI I have to see the last moments of the show. I have a little announcement to make.. (ENTHUSED AMAZEMENT. folks. I know a way to putting you at some risk. NIKI My heart's been at risk since we met. that's the last thing we should be rehearsing! CIOFFI You think I don't know that? But the sooner I get this mystery out of the way. Georgia hasn't run ballad hasn't been put in.. for Bobby. Niki and I just got engaged .. I have to see those bows. Frank.

Oscar. it was pretty much like this on opening night.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 98. then BOBBY in his green hood. OSCAR No.) CIOFFI (OVER P. COMPANY (lower. keep your eyes on Georgia. CIOFFI (over this) Carmen. just speak the lyrics. CARMEN Seems the same to me. I have to watch this carefully. Sasha. GEORGIA IT'S KANSAS FOREVER AND WHEREVER I MAY ROAM. I SEE THOSE WIDE OPEN SPACES AND KNOW THAT KANSAS IS HOME! (NIKI takes her bow. What's she doing different from Jessica that night? Anything? OSCAR Nothing that I can see. COMPANY IT'S KANSAS FOREVER AND WHEREVER I MAY ROAM.) And here comes our leading lady.A. but what do I know? A bow is a bow is a bow. save your voices for tonight. then GEORGIA. COMPANY WIDE OPEN SPACES! EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE THOSE WIDE OPEN SPACES! WHERE THE FUTURE WAITS FOR YOU AND ME. slower chant) WIDE OPEN SPACES! EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE THOSE WIDE OPEN SPACES! WHERE THE FUTURE WAITS FOR YOU AND ME. (I KNOW THOSE WIDE OPEN SPACES AND KNOW KANSAS IS HOME!) . Folks. bring down the tempo to half. CIOFFI It's so weird to see people taking bows without any applause.

HARV throws the bouquet.N .A ... I remember that on opening night.A . Bar 37 two. "cymbal-crashy" chord.) Sort of like that. and Georgia. It was in her contract.) COMPANY K .S . CIOFFI doesn't see him. CIOFFI Sasha. quick change into this zip-up tuxedo.S CIOFFI (OVER P.! (A big last note as the orchestra plays a big. SASHA Da. CIOFFI (to Company) Did restaging this just now make anyone remember anything that was different on opening night? GEORGIA You know.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 99. which lands at GEORGIA's feet.. cheat an exit. HARV again comes down the left aisle carrying a bouquet and has arrived at a position near the rail of the orchestra pit. being in Jessica's shoes just now. CARMEN Jessica demanded the bouquet at every performance. let me hear that moment. She also wanted us to play the Star-Spangled Banner on her bow to guarantee a standing ovation. actually . but changed her mind. (As on opening night. THE THREE climb back onto the stage. From down here by the orchestra. three GEORGIA IT'S KANSAS FOREVER . There is a LOUD CRASHING CHORD as GEORGIA sings a last vocal line. and race to the lobby where I get that bouquet of plastic flowers to throw onto the stage.) Where'd this bouquet come from? HARV I threw it. like she was going to blow a kiss to the balcony.S .U . after she sang "It's Kansas Forever" she moved her hands to her mouth ... CIOFFI And where'd you come from? HARV I take my bow with the other dancers.) .. (She demonstrates. sing along.A.) Hold on! Stop the music! (Music Stops.

Belling? BELLING Taking a walk alone as you well know. someone were to try to. dead center. facing the stage: meaning you Georgia.Chris. but the idea is ridiculous -. It was thrown by a second guy on this side of the orchestra pit. his head bleeding. at any point in the Bows did anyone in the cast face Jessica? BELLING No. Josef Stalin. there was a second bouquet. after all. they all face the audience throughout. because if. CIOFFI Well that's incredibly important. Lieutenant. What would we have used as a weapon? A marksman's rifle on a tripod? CIOFFI Where were you again that night. That's very right. Aaron. say. halfdazed. the timing would exactly match the forensics. SASHA Thank you. CIOFFI Yes. . Oscar -OSCAR So? It was an opening night. just like now. it landed near me. RANDY Yeah. just like everybody else. shoot the capsules into Jessica's mouth. But surely Sasha is the one perfectly positioned. Oscar. It rules out virtually everyone on this stage.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 100. but on opening night.. NIKI Frank? I don't know if this matters. over on this side of the stage. (BOBBY staggers onto the stage. dammit.) BOBBY Cioffi! Niki . AARON The four of us were standing together all the way at the back of the theatre. his hands pointed directly at our leading lady. Everyone wore a tux. He was dressed in a tuxedo. and Aaron. Mr. Oscar and Carmen. CIOFFI (nods) That's right.. the only people who could have aimed at her were in the audience on opening night.

Niki. GRADY What difference does it make? She's going to marry you.. I had no idea -CIOFFI I believe you.) CIOFFI Your devoted admirer. She loves you. and that Johnny wanted us to notice . NIKI I was grateful for his support. because he knew that if you went to Broadway. "the great Globe itself" .. his picture has never been published. Daryl Grady! (GRADY rips off the hood and holds a knife to NIKI's face.. who then re-entered the theatre.A.. and its senior critic.) NIKI But if that's Bobby . carrying a bouquet he'd hidden in the lobby. you'd leave him and his sphere of influence . very considerate -- . He's the person who most wanted to bring down the curtain on this show.. The one man in the opening night audience who could leave the theatre before the Bows had begun without causing a single eyebrow to be raised . a sphere that Dropped In on this stage.. Grady. tried to shake his hand and thank him for the compliments he paid you in his review. behind which he held some firing device.. probably nothing fancier than a simple pellet gun.. But you did know him. he could praise me more in his reviews... as in the Boston Globe. CIOFFI You don't want to do that. (NIKI looks between BOBBY and the HOODED FIGURE on stage. or. I heard you say so over the house P. who's that wearing the hood? (THE COMPANY stares warily at the hooded figure next to NIKI. (beat) She never loved me.. didn't you? He shuns publicity.. yet you walked right up to him. a planet called "Earth" . walking down the aisle to the very edge of the stage.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 101.) GRADY Don't move or she'll never look the same. a sphere represented by the large circle next to your name in Bernstein's black book . He. NIKI Frank.. he told me if we kept our friendship secret. Niki. He was always very polite.. as Shakespeare put it. his guidance.

WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 102.. Niki. CIOFFI Fine. I needed you to stay here in Boston. Bernstein had told me he was taking Robbin' Hood to Broadway no matter what my review said -CIOFFI So you murdered its star. Just don't hurt her. and steps away. Daryl. GRADY You already have. GRADY It was more than that to me. putting the knife away. places it carefully on the stage. CIOFFI I guess you lost your gun -. CIOFFI Hold on -GRADY Now. nothing more than that.) CIOFFI (Continued) All right. NIKI Frank.. GRADY takes a few steps to pick it up. I tried to scare Jessica out of the show with the death threats but it was no use. How far beyond this theatre do you think you can get this way? If you had a gun. you tried to shoot Carmen -GRADY I should have made that shot. it might be different -GRADY Thanks for raising that point. Set your own gun down for me. CIOFFI -. where I can praise you. CIOFFI moves toward him.took you to dinner. And when that wasn't a show stopper.maybe in the orchestra pit after you shot Johnny -. you win. (CIOFFI opens his jacket. revealing a gun in a shoulder holster.because you wouldn't be holding a knife on Niki if you had it. where you'd listen attentively to his advice -NIKI Like a student with a teacher. . I'm going to take Niki away from you now. and guide you as my devoted partner in this world of theater. don't .

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GRADY Another step and you're dead. (CIOFFI takes another step.) GRADY (Continued) Fine. You're dead. (GRADY fires the gun but it just goes "CLICK.") CIOFFI Walking into situations like this, I always unload the gun in my shoulder holster, and keep my real gun here at my belt. All right, Daryl, it's over, you're under arrest. Come here, Niki. (NIKI rushes into CIOFFI's arms.) NIKI I didn't know, Frank. I didn't know. GRADY Oh, God, God, could my life get any worse!? (A TRAP DOOR opens beneath his feet and he falls through it with a SCREAM.) (CARMEN enters.) CARMEN How's that? When I saw the gun was sitting on the trap door, I heard opportunity playing Knock-Knock. (yells down into the trap:) Close down my show, you sonofabitch? Break a leg! (second look) Oh he did! (THE COMPANY expresses their relief.) CIOFFI Okay, stay calm, everybody, I have men posted everywhere. You got him, O'Farrell? O'FARRELL (O.S.) (from below the trap) Yeah we got him, Lieutenant, he's fine! CIOFFI Well, folks, since you're all witnesses to Mr. Grady's confession, I'll need all of you to head down to the Green Room and give a brief statement. And then ... we have a show to solve. Sasha, play them off, will you? (SASHA conducts PLAYOFF MUSIC.)

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(THE COMPANY begins to leave the stage, several MEN assisting BOBBY.) BELLING Any additional notes, Lieutenant? CIOFFI Actually, Chris, I do have One Big Suggestion I'd like to make about the show's closing number. I think we should consider a different tune. BELLING I'd be foolish not to give it every consideration, Lieutenant. And oh, by the way: Bravo the great detective. CIOFFI Bravo the great director. OSCAR Hey, if this show is a hit, Cioffi, I have you to thank and don't think I'm not grateful. CIOFFI It's backers like you who deserve the pat on the back. I guess you don't need investigations, but if gabardine, you drop by anything in the store. OSCAR me to invest in one of your you ever need a vested suit in a nice my showroom. For you, Lieutenant, Ten per cent off.

(BELLING exits.) AARON Thanks for helping us solve the mystery, Lieutenant. GEORGIA He doesn't mean the mystery about who done it. He means the one about us. (AARON, GEORGIA EXIT hand in hand.) NIKI Frank, I didn't have a clue about Daryl Grady. CIOFFI I had more than one, and it still took me a while to figure him out. NIKI Now that the mystery is solved, does this mean our engagement is off? CIOFFI Maybe we could discuss it tomorrow over lunch. There's this coffee shop I know. I've become ... very close friends with the management over the last few years.

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NIKI Frank, you've got ... a date. (She exits. MUSIC ENDS.) SASHA We are excused, Inspector General? CIOFFI Fine,* Sasha. Do svidaniya. (*Italian) (SASHA descends into the pit. [] departing line for BAMBI in which CIOFFI asks her to see DETECTIVE O'FARRELL?[] CARMEN and CIOFFI are alone.) CARMEN Nice job, Lieutenant. CIOFFI Not always. CARMEN I meant, nice job solving the mystery. (gathering self to leave) Funny. Sidney used to say as long as the public bought tickets, he didn't care if he got killed by the critics. In this case he probably felt otherwise. CIOFFI Daryl Grady didn't kill your husband. Grady wanted the show closed, and your husband was going to do just that. Mrs. Bernstein, I need you to stay very calm. Your husband was murdered ... by your daughter. CARMEN No. No, that's crazy -- she could never do that! CIOFFI You're only saying that because you love her. CARMEN Love her? Have you heard how I talk to her? As mothers go, I clock in somewhere between Medea and Momma Rose. CIOFFI Yes, you're a stage mother all right. Maybe the stage mother of all time. When she got her solo moment in the Kansasland number, I looked at you, and you couldn't disguise the pride in your face. Because she was good -- really good. And that confused me. CARMEN Why?

CARMEN The publicity will destroy her career! CIOFFI That's not my concern. everything she'd hoped for. Grady was going to guarantee him a rave review for every other show he brought to Boston.. CIOFFI You know talent. Detective O'Farrell is handcuffing her this very moment. that she had no talent -- . So in front of everyone. and so she killed him. CIOFFI And then your husband said he was going to close the show before she'd have her chance . [mention of Niki playing Madam Marian] It was everything you'd worked and sacrificed for. CARMEN No! I did it for Elaine. he said he was closing the show because. [You can't tell her. so they think that wherever she's gotten. it's despite you. You did it all for Bambi. CIOFFI He told your daughter he'd never hire her again or produce another show with you -CARMEN He told me she'd never make it. But you knew that no one would take her seriously if they thought she was simply the producer's baby girl. if he did.. CARMEN No! CIOFFI I'm charging her with murder. Why have you constantly been demeaning her in front of everyone? And then I realized. It's all been an act.] CIOFFI Now she was going to have a spotlight number in a show headed for Broadway. Carmen. you've belittled her talent. not because of you. CARMEN No. CARMEN Everything. She killed her stepfather in cold blood when he told her he was closing the show to cut his losses. You married Sid Bernstein and put up with his indiscretions to get your daughter's foot in the stage door.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 106. Even if that means your daughter hates you for it.

.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 107. Since I was fighting to keep the show open. how could I be the killer? So what do we do now. A decent lawyer might get you a couple of years on a reduced charge. CARMEN And I killed my husband. CIOFFI Of course you did. CIOFFI Why don't we . A great lawyer might get you an all-expense-paid weekend in sunny San Diego. . and you. But . CIOFFI And without thinking she grabbed a sandbag -CARMEN A sandbag. You faked those second set of death threats -CARMEN I wanted to remind you the person who murdered Jessica wanted the show to close... That made you my prime suspect .Grady of the Globe. CARMEN Picked up the sandbag and hit him with it -CIOFFI And she killed him. Lieutenant? CIOFFI On impulse. build up your daughter's part some more.. and maybe I don't solve your part of this mystery until after the show opens on Broadway. trying to stop this show dead in its tracks. CARMEN I know that. and it made me think: two Killers -. And then Niki said these words to me: "You're not the only one" . and. add another song or two for Niki. but you'd been at the back of the theatre when Jessica was murdered. they would have taken the book with them. trying to keep the show alive for the sake of your daughter.. you're going to have to stand trial.. and someone had tried to murder you. When I found the little black book in your husband's jacket. I realized that if he'd been murdered by one of his blackmail victims.. CIOFFI And she hit him with it. you lashed out at your monumentally unfaithful and blackmailing husband.. Carmen.

The cry of "Places everyone!" will be like smelling salts to him . doesn't that work against your own best interest? CIOFFI There's always a spot in the NYPD for a Boston Police Lieutenant who doesn't mind a cut in rank and pay. CARMEN You would do that? Oh Frank.) BELLING Lieutenant. you give me that and I'll let you walk me out of the cast party at Sardi's straight into police headquarters. ... CIOFFI I'll have you watched night and day until then. come take a look at Bobby. his spirits will be lifted by the hands of an adoring throng whose applause will sustain him through the very last scene of Robbin' Hood.. CARMEN Jesus. You know what? I think you're one of us. you're experienced with assault and battery. his aches and pains will be bathed in the warmth of the spotlight. and we have no understudy for him. CIOFFI That's the nicest review I'll surely ever get. if Niki goes to New York.. Bobby's a pro. CIOFFI Okay.. (BELLING enters..WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 108. But . Cioffi. will you? He's a bit wobbly on his feet from getting hit on the head by Grady. SOMETIMES WE'RE NOT TOO CERTAIN WHAT'S FALSE AND WHAT'S REAL CIOFFI & CARMEN BUT WE'RE SELDOM IN DOUBT ABOUT WHAT WE FEEL . CARMEN I understand.. CIOFFI WE LIVE IN A WORLD FULL OF DREAMS.. the sound of the orchestra playing its overture will be pure adrenaline. but don't worry. CARMEN THERE'S A SPECIAL KIND OF PEOPLE KNOWN AS SHOW PEOPLE. (LIGHTS BEGIN TO DIM but his VOICE continues:) CIOFFI (Continued) .. not here in Boston..

) ROB HOOD This face! ("ROB HOOD" has unmasked.) . And here he comes now! It's him. It's CIOFFI. where I belong. / He must have broke out of jail! / Consternation! (Enter ROB HOOD in green cowboy outfit and green hood.) (COLONIAL STAGE that night. It's Rob Hood! COMPANY That's Rob Hood! / It's that man they call The Hood. LIGHTS UP on the first scene we saw. keepin' company with the people I care most about. THEN STOPS ABRUPTLY AS: A GUNSHOT RINGS OUT. SCENE: THE COLONIAL STAGE TIME: 10:20 PM THAT SAME NIGHT (MUSIC BUILDS.) GEORGIA (as Madam Marian) Why he shot that other bullet in half! NIKI He saved the schoolhouse. THE CROWD GASPS.) NIKI (as Schoolmarm) Why it's that friendly lawman from the east I was so crazy about! I thought you were all done with us! CIOFFI (as Rob Hood) Not when this place is where I want to be. Will you be my lawful wedded wife. Miss Niki/Nancy? NIKI(as Schoolmarm) Oh Hood.) GEORGIA (as Madam Marian) I wonder what face belongs to those lips I longed to kiss? (He removes his hood. the last scene of Robbin' Hood: outside a prairie schoolhouse. yes! (CHEERS from the CROWD.WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 ACT 2 SCENE 5 109.

LET THE SPOTLIGHT GLOW -CIOFFI & NIKI WE'D BE A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW ALL A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW. and on stage or off. A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW.. that's the one act I don't know how to follow! CIOFFI & NIKI YOU AND I.) (CURTAINS) END OF ACT 2 .. WE COULD STAY A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW ALL IN EVERY WAY! IF YOU HOLD MY HAND AND LET THE MUSIC START LET THE CURTAINS PART. GEORGIA(as Madam Marian) Well that's it! I'm sellin' the saloon hall and taking the next stage back to Boston! CIOFFI(as Rob Hood) You're leavin' the stage so you can be takin' the stage? Why's that? GEORGIA(as Madam Marian) 'Cause you two are actin' like you're in love .WHITE Revision - 3/2/06 110. I KNOW! (NIKI kisses CIOFFI.

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