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Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire! One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions. When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them? I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak. sometimes, not remembering mey be the better. X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing. X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while. X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house. What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing.. slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food. wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime. X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years. People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles.. Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it? Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear. ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95 Dear Santa, let me explain… I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. ̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]! ̲̅ Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. So many stupid people. Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police. And a buffet. Best Friends Listen to what you dont say. do both. The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary. Ha ha ha. it takes three or four people to pull us apart. Cut here —————–✄———————Me and my wife are inseparable. People who write diet books live off the fat of the land. Get married. Hell. they’d brag about the size of their tampons. Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions. erect. Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.. Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever. And a pole in the middle of the room. X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain. Yes. If guys had periods. Make love. i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing. 132% of all people exaggerate. I just don’t know when. I know how to shut up. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face. I never mind what I speak. And more women. You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take. Doctors waiting room needs some music. . Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube. Statistically. and so few asteroids. Sometimes. I speak my mind. And better lighting. ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶•̃) ̮ ۶ ٩(-̃ _̴ı̴̡ ̡͌l̡ ̡͌l̡*̡ ̴̡ı̴̡ ̡͡|̲͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲͡π̲͡ ̲͡▫̲͡ ̲|̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡ ̡͌l̡ if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status. not war.
. floors and …. . get one FREE! While socks last. X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I think nature is winning. So far.> GRANDPA I’m not a racer…. it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.chairs. huh? X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!! Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean… against tables. I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.walls.Ugly people!!! what has two ears and cant hear? —————–. and every day. Once a pun a time. Facebook. man is making bigger and better fool-proof things. People need to be challenged. YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT. the truth will set you free. I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet. nature is making bigger and better fools. you’d be speechless. I guess if you spoke your mind. X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him. Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret. X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock. I use to be great at wordplay. Every day. Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. I’m awesome. press the star below and watch it glow ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status. ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎ ןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ Smile. oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!! wants to merge MySpace.But i can fly.
“I can multitask housework with Facebook!” X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅yo̲̅l̲̅a̲̅( ̲̅((> ̲̅ never judges a book by its cover. kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it. Well played Wally. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other. 5 drown. the kid next door’s imaginary friend.. I couldn’t find the book anywhere. In an interview. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately! a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. the rest of the week says WTF? U have 10 fish. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. well played. If they go and get married. X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. my name is Damimeve. trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon. She uses the paragraph on the back. When I got there. that’s their own fault. Is anyone going to put anything funny on here????? If women ruled the world there would be no wars. definitely not watching what not to wear. Is that wrong? ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐ ןǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ All men are born free and equal. I was bored to death. forcing my dog to learn how to google. 3 come back to life. The ‘mime’ is silent.• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice. I went away and came back with a cup of water…. it tells you what the story is about. too cool for school. I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares. Fish cant Drown.but don’t eat my brain. –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there. Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy” X is Loading ████████████ 99% Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T). . Hi. I married my wife for her looks. eat eat and eat….
ng hi’s ke]yb29oa.. We have so much in common.." ". Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her. kiss slowly. it says "all of the blood is running to my head" upside down. break the rules.: • • • • • • • • • • "When I say 'I MISS SCHOOL' it means my 'FRIENDS AND THE FUN' not the 'SCHOOL'. 2 You're retarded cause you just tried it. 3 Now your smiling cause you're an idiot. remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit..... laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile. reminds us that two wrongs don't make a right.I want you to go ." ". 20/20 hearing! Updated on 21/04/2011 @ 11:40 PM . seen pictures of you naked on the internet." ""is cle’a]ni. love truly... If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece.• • • • • • • • • a day late and a dollar short. Insert coin to view my status message.. and two Wrights made an airplane.... happy that you finally broke up with that slut.... noticed that things are so much funnier when you're not supposed to laugh and you know it's so wrong to!" "3 facts about life: 1 You can't touch all your teeth with your tongue. > $20 in my bank acct.rd" ""Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear" "doesn’t suffer from insanity… he enjoys every minute of it" . but three rights make a left. forgive quickly.." "(: p??? ?? o? ?u?uun? s poolq ?? ?o ll?" – if you can’t read this it may be due to your browser.point me to the nearest bar -̃) ̮ ۶*´¨`*:" ٩(-̃ "Life is short. You want to travel. don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.' "☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star. Drinks on you home.
• • • • • • • "has advice for the day: If you have a headache." "scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status." "I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. You want to travel. I want you to go. do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it." "Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?" "We have so much in common." . and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN" "I must be wishing on someone else's star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for." "It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again. just in case.
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