This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
RDI PRINT & PUBLISHING LTD.
Adi Marzban Path. Laser Typesetting by Aqeel Associates. Mumbai 400 011. But we sometimes need an extra-large booster to get into really great shape. This booklet is offered free of cost to select readers of Reader’s Digest. Youll become their favourite physician. Preface L aughter the best medicine is a term coined by Readers Digest and we deliver small doses in every issue of the magazine. nor displayed in any bookshop. nor used for any commercial purpose whatsoever. It cannot be sold by any party. Manipal. Mumbai 400 001 and printed by him at Manipal Press Limited. friends and colleagues. This book is guaranteed to keep you in good humour for a long time to come. But dont keep its benefits to yourself tell them to your family. and this book a collection of the best jokes from all over is it. stall or retail outlet. Phones : 2309 0621 / 2301 0452 .Published in India by Ashok Mahadevan for RDI Print and Publishing Ltd from (Regd Office) Orient House.
answered an engineer. the tourist said. J J J 5 eee 6 . Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village. Wait and watch. the ticket collector arrived.Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. Twenty years. and the tourist asked what it was. they bought only one ticket. Overheard at the veterinarians: I had my cat neutered. He knocked on the toilet door and asked. each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. answered one of the engineers. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. when they reached the Qutab Minar. He knocked on the door and said. So when they got to the station. At Agra he admired the Tajs beauty and asked how many years it took to build. the lawyers took their seats. Finally. Maid: And he returned this morning. How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked a lawyer. one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. Maid: Whats your business. Seeing this. In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time. To their astonishment. The ticket collector took it and moved on. The tourist retorted: You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half. he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build. the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip. please? Visitor: There is a bill. When they boarded the train.. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. You Indians are a lazy lot... sir? Visitor: I want to see your master. ef Maid: What do you want. Ticket please. At the Red Fort at Delhi. the engineers didnt buy any. this could have been built in five. In my country. Only ten years. A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. replied the guide.. please.. the guide replied: I dont know. Wait and watch. said the guide. but the thre e engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Ticket. It wasnt there yesterday evening. Soon after the train started.. In the train. At the station. Visitor: Which I have to pay him. Hes still out all night with the other cats. Shortly after the train started. the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts. but now hes a consultant.
So what? his wife shot back. Whos been treating you until now? Dr Lal Rathor. I see. Drive a little faster. he turned her down. How do you like your new phone? Oh. a man bought his young wife a cell phone. Hes an idiot. he husband said. To everyones astonishment. Excuse me. ooo B oy to mother: Ive decided to stop studying. darling. Be careful. the driver assured him. But theres just one thing I dont understand. And she has five children. the boy replied . How come? asked the mother. the bull stopped a few inches from the boy. The next day she was out shopping when the phone rang. I thought we got paid for what we produce herenot for what we produce at home in our own time. A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came charging towards him. he said to his wife. Its so cute and smalland your voice sounds so clear. said the man carrying the explosive. She was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. and hubby was losing his temper. To come and see you. Youll bring out the beast in me. we have got a spare one in the boot. Im curious to know what he advised you to do. and no one has ever been able to help me. Not at all. the efficient woman replied. because he knew too much. Werent you afraid? one of the workers asked the boy. A patient complains to a famous psychologist: Professor. saying: Your salary is already higher than that of the secretary at the next desk. Ive been having terrible obsessions for years. Hey. Whos afraid of a mouse? Overheard: I can say one good thing about airline food: at least theyre considerate enough to give you only small portions. turned around and walked away .W hen an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary. which one of them had in his lap. the bomb may go off any minute. Whats that? How did you know I was at the sari shop? F ef ef Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel. Dont worry. I knew this cow was his mother-in-law. I heard that that someone was shot dead. J J J 7 8 . As horrified workers nearby watched. Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a bomb. I just love it! she gushed. or their first anniversary. the boy calmly continued his milking.
he demanded. said the patient. Finally. Elevators were invented in the States. His cars speed rose to sixty. I can drive. give me my money! eee O ne man to another. you mean the elevator. leaned over the man and said: Listen. sirens blaring. and pulled over. and I just want to go home. Dont you give your regular clients a discount eee Late one night. a good woman. the affluent man replied. Give me your money. Nine? In this case. I want to marry a smart woman. The best thing for you to do. the man pushed his accelerator to the floor. I have had a really lousy day. Im very sorry to learn that your wife ran away with your driver. Mister. Oh. the receptionist told him.Le Rochefoucauld 9 10 . But we invented the language. what the heck. dont worry. retorted the Englishman. replied the Englishman. Whats next best? ef An old man gives good advice in order to console himself for no longer being able to set a bad example. How many times have you been imprisoned? Nine. ready to receive a speeding ticket. The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. I thought you were that officer and were trying to give her back to me. Doctor. ef J J J An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby. the doctor said. is give up drinking and smoking.A man was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly emerged from behind. a woman wholl make me happy. said the American. The lift will be down presently. Maximum sentence? said the defendant. then seventy. you Honour. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. eee A judge looked severely at the defendant and asked. Perhaps. get to bed early and stay away from women. the man thought. replied the robber. eighty. Thinking hed outpace the cop. and ninety. Indignant. No ticket. Give me a good excuse and Ill let you go. Oh. Make up your mind. I will give you the maximum sentence. The lift? said the American. The man thought for a moment and said: Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror. The police officer got out. No. I think I should know what it is called. I dont deserve the best. . I mean the lift. You cant do thisIm a politician! In that case. said the friend to the old man.
Did you have a friend you cared for? No. I didnt mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby! ooo A man who had just died. No. Youve been dead for ages. Before allowing him entry. J J J After they had brought their first baby home from hospital. Finally. Venkataratnam Narasimha Rattaiah. No. and tremendous pressure was exerted on him to retract the statement. But I dont have much time. a girl threw open the door. he said. arrived at heavens gate. isnt it? crowed the drunk. As they danced. How do you spell it? he replied. St. S taying at a small-town hotel. But I am dancing as fast as I can.A rather inebriated fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny pieces and throwing them out the window. thank you. Id sure like to speed like to speed things up between us. Not a single one. Ill do the next one. Look sweetheart. was fed into a computer. 11 12 . he replied finally. ran a scathing editorial under the headline: HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS. He looked puzzled. Oh. she asked if he was now ready to learn how to change diapers. said the woman. Peter. Tom replied. Many prominent local politicians were outraged. A small Indian boy appeared in the class of a London schoolteacher for the first time and she asked him his name. What took you so long to get here? asked a surprised St. Peter asked him if hed ever loved a woman. Sugar in your tea? she shouted. a young wife suggested to her husband that he try his hand at changing diapers. Effective. said the woman sitting next to him. Shortly afterwards. I have to be back in the morning. A young soldier who was on a twenty four-hour pass went to a dance in town and there met an attractive young woman. she protested wide-eyed. replied the drunk. he kept making passes at her but without much result. would you mind explaining why youre doing this? It scares away the elephants. Excuse me. well. The Duke of Gloucester. the computer answered: Remove the top and bottom steps. Perhaps you loved a pet? Did you not feel a love for nature? No. The next time the baby was wet. Asked how accidents could be reduced. Im busy. he said. the man replied. When she asked. Tom ordered tea. He finally succumbed to the pressure and ran an apology with the headline: HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS. My mother helps me. But I dont see any elephants around here. I really go for you in a big way. speaking at a luncheon in London: A home accidents survey which showed that ninety percent of accidents on staircases involved either the top or the bottom step. dont stir it then. Ah. he said. ooo The editor of a small weekly newspaper. annoyed at legislation that had eee recently been passed. But.
slammed his newspaper on the floor and yelled. That was anger. many dropped rupee notes in his bowl. said a voice at the other end. His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.. where there is a rule. In disgust the beggar left the temple and sat outside a country liquor shop. the beggar said: Hey Bhagwan. In the name of Bhagwan give before choosing a melon. Annoyed wife to husband: Cant you say weve been married twenty-four years instead of almost a quarter of a century? ef The sign on the door of a lawyers chamber reads: Where there is a will. Ernies father said: Hello! This is Melvin. Is Melvin there? There is no one called Melvin here! the voice replied. Hello. the man replied. When Paul was working as a salesman at a supermarket. J J there is a way. is Melvin there? Now look here! the voice said angrily.again.I.. I. began to howl. where there is a loophole. there is a loophole. I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again! Did you hear that? Ernies father asked. For Gods sake..Little Ernie was having a problem with his homework. where there is law. while his father was trying to read. And on hearing the voice at the other end. there is law.. Ill give you a practical demonstration. Thanking God. he asked. There you go again.. he cried. said his father. But the devotees gave him very little. A few paise in the name of Bhagwan. Dad.I. cant you play something the dog doesnt know? 14 L . The family dog was at there too. Johnnys father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. where there is a way.. he whined. As customers came out of the shop in high spirits. What is the difference between anger and exasperation? Well. Have there been any calls for me? Husband to wife as they emerge from a long session with a marriage guidance counsellor: Darling. shoppers would hold the fruit upto their ears and knock on it. there is a rule. said Ernies father. there is a lawyer. everybody looks at you as if youre crazy. and. But watch this! He then dialled the number again. truly inscrutable are thy ways! You give one address but live in another. A poor man sat begging outside a temple. Bhagwan will bless you. All I know is that if you just pick up a melon and put it your bag. That man was not at all happy with our call. Ive been doing this for forty years. He never knew what they expected to hear. he noticed that this hungry man some money to fill his belly. Then he jumped up. ooo 13 ittle Johnny was practising the violin in the living room. I will show you what exasperation is! He dialled once again. Now. on hearing the screeching sounds. and so here I am. I love you. Hello. Son. and says. One day he asked a shopper. snapped his wife. son. Hello. Why dont you look up numbers before you dial them? You see? said Ernies father.
As the van driver put down the last box in her second-floor flat. There is no doormat outside! A teacher had just moved house with all her possessions including box after box of books. Mummy? So youre beginning to wonder. make Naples the capital of Italy. He is the only chap I know who can make a diagnosis without asking questions. Love. mister. growled the patient. whats the matter? he asked cheerily. is for you to find out. A traveller walking along a road asked an old man working in a field to how long it would take to get to the next village. And Sonu replied: Because. ooo Adoctor was called in to see a rather testy aristocrat.a veterinarian.. he grumbled. and respect do not unite a people as much as a common hatred of something. business has boomed. Why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy? Sonus mother asked. friendship. That. Yes. too! 16 15 . said the doctor thought-fully. that is what I put in my Geography exam! Customer: Why are the signs in your window so full of spelling and grammatical mistakes? Storekeeper: So that people will think Im a fool and come in expecting to get the best of me... How did I know how fast you were going to walk? replied the old man. sir. why didnt you read them before you came? J ooo S onu was saying her bedtime prayers: Please God. I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in? Back came the rejoinder.. But the old man didnt answer.Horace Walpole W hat made you marry Daddy. so the traveller kept walking. Since I put up those signs. a tragedy to those who feel. Why didnt you tell me that when I asked you? asked the traveller. lady. . the young man replied promptly. Make Naples the capital of Italy. Said the boss One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. .. I can afford something imported. For Heavens sake.An eager young man entered his prospective bosss cabin for an interview.. Well. itll take you about 20 minutes. sir. Well. sir. One more thing were very particular about is honesty. if youll excuse me for an hour or so Ill go along and fetch a friend of mine .. eee D octor: Shall I gave your wife a local anaesthetic? Businessman: Certainly not. I see. He hadnt gone far when he heard a call: Hi.Anton Chekov The world is a comedy to those who think.
They have already got me working on a case. but doesnt that shows how much in demand I am? M eee salesman was dismissed because he was rude to a customer. if you want anything said. Well. The one who obeys me immediately and does exactly as hes told without arguing will get a rupee at the end of the week.? Mrs. . he replied. Have you weighed your little boy? A son. This is the job Ive been looking for all my life. A not-too-bright candidate for the police force failed in the written Who shot Abraham Lincoln?. Since he was the Chiefs nephew. Mother: I sent my little boy for one kilo of plums and you only sent 800 grams. Oh. W hy do they call the language we speak our mother-tongue? asked the ef Because fathers so seldom gets a chance to use it. Mathur. The examiner told him to come back the next morning. asked the examiner. how did it go? Did you get the job?. anager . Here the customer is always wrong. said Mrs. said the sales manager. A month later the sales manager spotted him walking about in a police uniform. if you want anything done. What didnt he have? All As on his report card. eee Hows your husband. You poor thing. examination. Mathur asked her friend. When the would-be recruit went home. the hour soon passes. Its not fair.Margaret Thatcher 18 . Applicant . said the youngest kid.M y father wants me to have everything he did not have when he was a boy.Rita Rudner In politics.Yes. I had no idea his first name was Always.From your references I see youve had four jobs in the last month. The candidate pondered for a moment and then asked if he could have sometime to come up with the answer. the examiner decided to go easy on him with the oral test. 17 ooo When I eventually met Mr Right. replied his dad. bursting into tears. I think so. I think . his wife asked. I see youve joined the force. Daddyll win easily. Pretty well. Yes. . Bhatnagar. Grocer: My scales are all right. sir.he works so hard I see him for only about an hour each day. The mother of many children lined up her family. ask a man. Sir. ask a woman. madam. Its all right.
J udge: The last time I saw you. the tourist said to the mountaineer. Twenty-one years and some months. and ends by blocking his retreat. An occasional mistake I can overlook . I told you that I didnt want to see you here again.but two in a row is too much! W hat is your age? asked the Judge.Louis Morris Life is one long process of getting tired. Your son just threw a rock at me as I passed by. replied the other. your Honour. the woman answered. Oh. Last week we paid you a dollar more. you shouldnt judge by appearances. Im judging by disappearances! Hey.Samuel Butler . . Whats the meaning of this? I just counted my pay and its a dollar short! The cashier examined the envelope. .George Carlin You can always tell when a man is well informed. Said one: I fear that young man I employed last week as a cashier is dishonest. Did it hit you? No. One hundred and eight. Steno : Why. Im not. Accused: That is what I tried to tell these policemen. Then it wasnt my son. You didnt complain then. what happened? Woman begins by resisting a mans advances. His views are pretty much like your own. The employee stormed angrily into the cashiers office. eee The famous film actor was being analyzed. The love that lasts longest is the love which is never returned. did you? Look said the employee. . . asked the psychoanalyst.Somerset Maugham 19 20 . Tell me.Oscar Wilde ef Thats the trouble with being greeted Have a nice day! it puts all the pressure on you. How many months? the Judge persisted. Do you ever cheat on your wife? Who else? ooo B oss : You should have been here at 8 Oclock. J J Two employers were talking. then checked his records. Remember you are under oath. but they would not believe me.
they never forgive the loss of their prerogative. the unreasonable persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Just before the shop was due to open. he is seldom blind. didnt you? Pupil: Not a bit. Father: Youre no good. Once more. with sweeping reductions. ef He: There are an awful lot of girls who dont want to get married. The little man walked to one side of the queue and said: If thats your attitude. no clothes to wear and only one apple between them . We dont want fools in our family. Therefore. Father: Would you still love my daughter even if she were poor? Suitor: Of course. J He: I wonder why women pay more attention to beauty than to brains. . an inconspicuous little man walked to the head of the queue. he was shoved unceremoniously to the back. ef The reasonable man adapts himself to the world.George Bernard Shaw ooo When a man laughs at his troubles he loses a great many friends. this time with a few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by angry women.and they called it Paradise.m. Angry women elbowed and pushed him until he was right at the back of the line. all progress depends on the unreasonable man. starting at 9 a. An enormous queue had started to form by 7-30 a. Undaunted. She: Because no matter how stupid a man is. of course. the little man went to the head of the queue again. Chemistry Teacher: Where did you get an idea like that? Student: You told us the other day it was H to O. ooo Teacher : You missed school yesterday.A large notice in a shop window announced a big sale. I wont open the shop at all today! Teacher: Who were the first human beings? Pupil: Adam and Eve. They had no roof over their heads.H L Mencken 21 22 . Teacher: And how ho you know they were Indian? Pupil: Easy.m. Chemistry Teacher: Can you give me the formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-. . Teacher: And what nationality were they? Pupil: Indian. She: How do you know? He: Ive asked them.
said the Pope. Yes. Terrible winter were having. All right. . Five hundred thousand. replied the other. I wonder how much the bread people are giving him. One million pounds. All you have say is: Give us this day our daily tea. solemnly. disappointed adman turned to his secretary and said: Its odd that the Pope refused to do a commercial for tea. replied the Pope. offered the adman. But still the Pope refused. It reminds me of the winter of 2057. Yes. replied the friend. But I shouldnt worry too much hell probably change for the better as he gets older. Im afraid not. The aging actor was trying to chat up the gorgeous young girl. so the senior creative man at the advertising agency decided to go to Rome to see if he could persuade the Pope to make a TV commercial. And thats our very last offer. She shook her head. her eyes lighting up.I once knew the twenty-year-old daughter of a Hollywood film actress who kept getting depressed because she didnt look as young as her mother.George Bernard Shaw History teaches us that men and nations live wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. but I cant do that. Oh! she said. Where do you usually sit? eee The main difference between men and boys is that mens toys cost more money.Margaret Mead 23 24 . Dont you recognize me? he asked. Im sorry. . Well give you one hundred thousand pounds for a ten second commercial.Abba Eban J J J Women want mediocre men. On his way back. . ooo Pretty young girl: If I go up to your room do you promise to be good? Young man: Why I promise to be FANTASTIC! The proud mother was showing off her new baby to her friend. Doesnt he look just like his father? asked the mother. the ad man told the pontiff. Two astrologers met each other in the street on a particularly cold and bitter day. muttered one. A tea manufacturer wanted a new advertising gimmick. and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible. he continued. Im quite well known in the movies. ooo If an artist becomes angry does he lose his temperas? ef Let no one suppose the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact they are employer and employee.
I was hoping you could suggest something suitable. All right. Earlier. Simple! she replied. then. You know Ive had so many accidents and I always get caught due to the statements of the witnesses in court. Ive left the car just outside the shop. Thanks for getting me out of that terrible chore. Shed divided the car neatly in half and had already painted the other side bright yellow. Do you like light or heavy reading? Customer: It doesnt matter. Bookshop assistant: No problem. if I have an accident. said the Chairman. You sack her. madam. ef One day Claude came home from work to find his wife painting one side Customer: Id like to buy a novel. put it this way who has not been carrying on with my secretary? Again there was silence. self-consciously: Me. said the chairman. eee 25 eee 26 . and then one man said. Whos been carrying on with my secretary? he demanded. sir. I keep asking her but I cant understand a word she says. Now. sir. What on earth are you doing? asked Claude. Sally: I know. Bookshop assistant: Certainly. At the company board meeting the chairman rose to make his speech. I thought youd gone out. please. Mother: Why are you crying? Sally: Because I fell and hurt myself. Mother: But youve only just started crying. Do you have the title or name of the author? Customer: Not really. This was met with silence. Mother: When did that happen? Sally: About twenty minutes ago. you watch them fight it out trying to decide what colour car caused the accident! J J Office worker: Sir? Boss: Yes? What is it now? Office worker: Please can I have a day off next week to do some late Christmas shopping with my wife and our six kids? Boss: Certainly not! Office worker: I knew youd be understanding.The elderly aunt bent down and asked her three-year-old nephew: Can you tell me the name of your new baby sister? The little boy shook his head sadly and replied: I dont know what it is. of the car blue. My wifes best friend has just celebrated the twentieth anniversary of her twenty-ninth birthday. Right.
How can you expect to get a job when you leave school Pupil: Well. every time I take this young mans pulse it gets faster. B acteria: the back entrance to a cafeteria.Thats a nice suit youre wearing who went for the fitting? J udge: How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? Prisoner: How do I know. Just give him a blindfold. dear? Doctor: I think Ive at last cured that Smith fellow. Doctors wife: So why are you so worried? Doctor: Ive given him so many pills and potions I cant work out which one worked. Doctor: Do you drive fast cars. ooo ooo Doctors wife: Why are you looking so worried. ef Pretty young nurse: Doctor. doctor? Is it missing? eee 27 28 . Teacher: Everything you do is wrong. ef Patient: Doctor. Should I give him a sedative? Doctor: No. sir! Im going to be a TV weatherman. Vice versa: dirty poems. do you think that I will live until Im a hundred? Doctor: Do you smoke or drink? Patient: No. Ultimate: the last person to marry. Doctor: Nurse! Did you take this patients temperature? Nurse: Why. your honour? I havent heard the evidence yet. gamble. J B uoyant: male equivalent of gallant. or play around with women? Patient: Certainly not! Doctor: Then what do you want to live to a hundred for? Dogma: the mother of puppies.
said an elderly lady. thank you! cried the lady. Mrs Bloggs: How do you know? The young man walked into the pet shop and asked if he could buy 387 beetles. jeered the pub regulars.Estate agent to young house-hunting couple: First you tell me what you can afford. said a small girl. All right. But what did you want all the other creatures for? asked the pet shop manager. boasted Fred. Well give you ten to one that your parrot cant tell us a joke. what would you do? Mrs Smith: Id probably get a pet dog instead. I was thrown out of my flat this morning. At last he felt ready to cash in on all his hard work. and I want a third! ef Fred at last could see a way of making a fortune. found her young son. I know where your mummy is. Insurance salesman: Surely your husband needs more life insurance? I mean. Shush! whispered the little boy. but Ive managed to get two free ice creams this morning. 30 eee The frantic-looking lady came rushing out of her house into the street and cried: Help! Help! My young son has swallowed a coin and is choking. On the way home Fred shook the bird and shouted: What do you mean by keeping quiet? You made me lose a ten to one bet! Dont worry! squawked the parrot. Fred was unable to make the parrot talk let alone tell jokes. ooo M ummy. Then well have a good laugh about it and go on from there. I know where she is. This is my incredible joke-telling parrot. after month of hard work. Im sorry. replied the young man. Oh. You poor little boy. but it tastes like dishwater. replied the middle-aged man. turned him upside down and shook him until the coin fell out of his mouth. ef Is a drunken ghost a methylated spirit? J J J eee Mr Bloggs: Darling. 29 . and took the parrot down to his pub. to tell jokes. Are you a doctor? No madam. Tomorrow youll be able to get fifty to one. but we can only supply the mice. Im from the Income Tax Department. I dont know what to do! Everyone looked the other way. replied Fred. Mummy! Where are you? cried the little boy on the promenade. Come with me and Ill get you an ice cream and then well go and look for your mummy. except for a middle-aged gentleman who rushed into the ladys house. He had trained his parrot. 18 rats and five mice. sir. too. But try as he could. if your husband suddenly dropped dead. Go on . I dont know what you put in this soup. And my landlord says I must leave the place exactly as I found it. I accept your bet.
Certainly. ooo You can get a lot more done with a kind word and gun. the thirstier we become. would you socket? 31 32 . miss. Customer: Then can you assure me that youre using the right bait? The police car. than you can with a kind word alone. sir. can you tell me which month is the shortest? Mavis: Its May. taking out his notebook and pen. . Herbert: What were they selling? Customer: Waiter! How much longer do you expect me to have to wait for my poached salmon? Waiter: Im sorry. Youll be late for school. raced in front of a speeding car and forced it to stop. shouted Alberts mother. protested Albert. I want to stay home. . replied Alberts mother.Hilary: Youre the first man Ive ever said yes to. youre forty-three and the headmaster of the school. The shortest month is February. but we are trying to hurry it up for you. But I dont want to go. A heavily built policeman got out and walked over. officer. In fact.Al Capone Wealth is like sea water.Schopenhauer ooo If a plug would not fit. the more we drink. the same is true of fame. Well. the teachers are terrible. please? asked the policeman. Youve been a staunch Socialist all your life. replied the driver. Mavis: But. Ive said no to lots and lots of men. All the kids are horrible. Teacher: No. miss. shook his head and said: Ill just give you a warning this time dont break the speed limit again. its siren blaring. Its Horatio Xerxes Laertes Idomeneus Aeneas Asclepius Iphicles Menoeceus Memnon Philoctetes Tyndareus Hylas. and its all extremely boring. Id rather it was a Tory that died than a Socialist. You name. But why? asked his puzzled friends. G et up. it isnt. The policeman thought for a moment. eee eee Teacher: Mavis. he replied. But. February has eight letters in it while May only has three! A lifelong Socialist was dying when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party. then looked at his notebook.
This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
We've moved you to where you read on your other device.
Get the full title to continue reading from where you left off, or restart the preview.