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Stanley Keleman

YOUR BODY SPEAKS ITS MIND

SO .• t.nlc RL Lm

Tiu HIJ.\H GI<Ul l',D' ~EXU.",un Sfll \l'o'D SCRVT\'';I

I.I\'L-":G '1"0 IT~ D'I L."'G Tum M()():I; rnF~l,')

Center Press Bt-7kefeJ" Cali(urma

OUll or Til" OCt'_;. N

Out 0 [the Ocean

Budilv Roots of ~\warCDCSS Grounding and Bod iii rlf~~" Vibration. Pulsation. 'Hld S Lrf!(:l HI ing The Formative Precess

Aui tudes find th c. F 0 rm:--J II \.~ Pr. 1{"(.1~~ PUnTI and Character

Irtentitv and the Fermative Pmcess Sel f-formatinn thn:m.gh Denial

The Decision to Form OJ1C'S Gnllmd 1111: rnrlangiug Body

}\Item a ti ves to [11 t m"pfldio n Experiencing

lU~ 11)

10

Imagery- and Self-shaping Expression

Urges

Rp.\'c T II tions

Contracti.on and F.xp.an~10n Expand in~ OUI" S~ h ~s

~lv Vislnu

13U 137 1..:J.1 q7 lfih

OUT OF THE OCEAN

OUT OF THE OCEAN

I come from the hiol"nc1'gelic traditiou. which t.mf!.ht rrie 1h . importance of , hf' body. r Il"amcd Htdt the form and the movement of mv h!fdil~' expression 1T"\ I"..al the nature of my existence. 1 loarncd I hat I am my body II, Iv hod \'

1.5 Jll~.l am Hot a bod V ~ I um \·nme-bo.d v ·. ".

II1 tilling my \"-lIr.L I h.rvr- round J his to h{ absoIutolv true (rraf Diirrkheim, wiLll whom I studied f!:>_'

several vcar». rut it this v. a~ : "The bod)' YOU have is ,lIe body ) 01.1 lin" 0 ur feel ill g and n''''pnnsh-cn ~~5 sha r~ our 11Vf>5. \Ve form unr bodilv ..,ph·ps as 'W,", shape JUt' own realiLy. Our bodily h\",ng shapes oar existence.

Your 1)'Jdy is not "nil feelinl!fn1. hut fOTITI<linyc. The con inual thrust toward shtlpiug . "(']llr bving insists on ynur heing more-more' runtactfrrl. ruure mu-raetivc, mOTO satisfied. more u[ vour 1.\1'11 '\ OUT furrnativcnr-c- is a cornu.copia fiI urg('~ Inward enrir+uncnt and Iulfilfmr-nt.

14 YOUR BODY S.PEAK~ lTS ""UNO SleepIDf[ and n5lJlg. lying and sl andjng. res:Ling and walklllg- j_~ the primordial pattenl of I ur f·(ln~r-[Ol.lSflC5S, Irs a rhythnnc pl'lttern, \ire~-r'rr,;>~polHl to Ihe lisilltr Uiml sf>tting sun. l" day and rl'iglll 'Ve match the rhythms uf changing da,s~f\.lll rnonnv and crescent moons. ~rjng tides and' neal} tit"ks--wiHI the rhythms we Ieel III unr own bodies: w1111 fii:eling excited .srtd Ie-cling tired. ..... rith waking and Irearning, with '<f'men aml menses. widl li\ iag and rl:;<jllg

Bul 5tandiJ,~-","hal can that bl"' cerrrpared to' The first man who ~tn(1Jd up must .IUVf' fell very different Standing made Irirn f1Hferl'!m llEillJ[ llpright organjzl'd him differenlIv. formed 111m di[rNent lv, It made for a

llf:';IT Jifc-';lvJ~ -

To -tand i", [0 wall. Be>ing erect extend .. our ability to ~ati.sfy IUT lnUlf;!:crs.-for Iuod, l'onL;-u:t.\'I;'"arrrrtl1 and shelter Our ullrighnws5 hegill~ du.:' prltC12s.,> that wr- rae oznize a~ human COIJ~ciUmne~5. humanness. To h~ uII.

~ .

right is to reduce chance, elumnatc r.1l1d1·1DIDf'55. 'V:Q

... tand and we .inrrease commitment.

\\'h.enWf'Tre on '.tIT Feet, ',\'f" foea., and eXpTe.,~ our selves, Standing up shifts our ernphevis fromexperience to expression Ex:peri,em::e_ while prro..serlt in (').11fcs.s.ion.. does not demand f{}cu~·ing or r isk. Experience fills. una expands U$~ expressir.n shapes us, Being n~rtiul,l rather than hcrizcntul rhauge::. the stream of our ~"('llS,!ti(ms. changes the orientation of inr nervous system. makes us rnnre intcractive. more alert. more iIldi· v idual.

B~illg upright r-hiimg('s our relationship til iht-' grmmd. VVc 3,1"1:." 11rJ longer land-fish, swnnming along un all fnnrs, Kow we walk. Tf:'> Ironic thnt 10 be erect \\·c run'S! gI'(I\'\' down. The leg~ unroll, anti the spine Ilfts the }1e.1d.

\

BODfL Y ROOTS OF AWARENESS

[ IiVf'11 <in ~).JrHordl11<n: even I took a ship from Hamhw'g 0 ~s ~:ngd('s I wok a "lip because 1 didn' want :0 flv , I didn t want to b" ollrnpf"d bad inu. the I'lIlLllrt" 111 twelve short hours, I' d 1 tyed In C('rmfln,- f, .rr a bnu th,I'Pf' )~t"'dc''', tlTld r fhuught I'd take a long. Ioisurcly boat ~rlp. " hat fantasies I had: thirtv-oue rla." s=-nowhere to

run; I fig-mea I" d ha \ f' a ball. .

So I boarded L Ii P. ... h i p, ,111 d I he stewa Hf <;(1 i rl 11.1 rn t-'_ "'" hich cabin dLI vnu \'\'anf")"

T f\<Jid, ·'W'h.Jt do YOU mean. which cabin do I want) Don -t T have an nssisrned cabin?"

b

He said. "You ran }lil\f' an,' nm' von wnnt. You ff'

the ol1I~ passenger ,- --

Th irty-onc days

The captain and J ~\ el"f' I he mll v I)ru~s ta king r orrnal meals. Once in i:I ~'\I hilr- the ~J r~l rnatu rnrnr- in ~ 'VI' at., bre~kI~Sl 1'1,1 ei~hl ,,'dock. The second morning out. T j:!Ill dow n luSL 1fI trrne to sec the steward IDlfTI the clock h''II'k fifteen minutes, ,o""Yc eat ill fiFtecl nrinutcs," he told ]Jl~.

BODILY !-lOOTS. OF 'o."I"i' Al'lli::o.; ss

17

1 said. --13btt i.f~ eight (I'clock "

hNo?f-'_"" 11~ said, "'H~ iu.~l p"l,~sed the meridian. It's

~()tta go h<lck_" ...

This ..... 'e 11 t n n everv rI av . r d. L"O me dawn iI n d find

the ~t('wdrd turmng lhl~ clock bac-k, It mean: that I ate h:reilkfas later and Tater. because I "V<lS !-.1ill g'f'ttlng up :u-cording III the sch -dule I'd been kccpin-!r when T Iirst gol. uu board, But then' came ,I Pfllut \" .. hen l rcfuscd [0 have breakfast four hours after 1 got up L s't~.rtcd to I'at when I ""3<; hlmgry J '1,' as 1 he nnlv passenger_for DYE" hucks the :-.le~drd ·wa~ 1l1\" u'Lf'lul <ind hf' k·-tl mf' when I \" anted to eat I wen j t~ L he fa ble tu keep I he c.ap ~ am company. bn l not r or hreak fa &1:

So I [ounv mv-elf on 111\' own dock And the more

T began to feed mvself .\h~n i was hun~ and sJfleF \"lo' hen Twas tired, the more I hegilTl to P-XPl·l"i.(')1n~ t be Vlorlcl in an onurelv different WilV, I hf{:"aTn€ hI" me Whll ~ as he orean. th'; nU": whn ~ha~(l the scmi-p-l'rmcabl(' nlen'lbfanl~~ separatin N U1~ ,KP.an into inner ,,\11(1 outer, 1 hp illro who mad r- me HIe.

·",'hP.fl 1 \"<l~ ~atialf'd. 1 vrl'nt tn sleep. I wokI' llll

hnugrv, rf>c1mrged with pxl"i,pmFnt ""Oh." 1 !>rw1 t(1 my self- "this rhvthrn of \·I'tlkiug ,HId ~lf'eping ... tanding- and lyinl! dm.~.m, has tn dn with hf'in~ ~X{'lLed, E....xcitem(·nt Incuscs and rearhes uut l~ein}! up- b('ing i'lwakp ~1TH1' standinz. has to an \'\ith .eing f'xciled; and ~Olng II .leep hn .. I.n dtl with helT1~· mn.;xciLerl:

DI1TLng, those thirty-nne days fHI 5hipb' ard, L lJf!gal1 1u understand that tQ.cit{'ll1crd is rilvtJunic'1l and ~p.l[- 1llitiillf'd, I stand and I'm ddi","e: making my wodd. being me, has l!) do v ... ith TTl_'" be~ug up And rhen 1 lie rlown in order Lt' re:char~e myself The up ;-lUd 11.0'1' n of my ",lily lift-' is noll pru~iti.OJ~ bU1 com l,lemE"ntaritv, Jll"6p.nt-

YOUR BODY So PE.AIS 1 TS M JND

ing the two aspects of my ,_'xr:iteme-nL that fnrm rns. ~htlpe me. 'Wlu:m I'm asleep. I assirn i [a1 t' I he past day. This gTv(';<: shape- lfl my uigllt-imt as 1 he 11~]d of the night . with its TCVt'I-.ie~ and (keams. gin'S sharp 10 m, np.\\ da -

l're talk ,'1 IhL about awareness. v\:"hN l i~ awareness? \, hat is ronsciousnes=? Fnr me. msr awarern-ss ~~ our Iiviag vrnces:5_ I don't believe tha L I her!" i.s. a COIlSc10\1<; pa rt [If us \" hirh rlirer.ts 0111' "behavior. ifldep~rurlently of our bodies. V\'1mt I believe i<: that our hiclogical p-roressf!X}lresserl as moving. feeling. "p1[,Tf'){'I....-ing- and making patterns I!f mf>l:Hling-forms Nil' field of experiencing that we call km.minl'{' Our }If-rep-plion of our own lire ar-tivitv is what W(' call awareries« ,\'Yhat nur Iives .In:· a brurt 'is "hat awareness is,

H [ hnilguu", myself tn he an oceanic field- n webpattcITIoo sea whil-h IIo.;{'"iHa tf!';; dud pulsates. mv awareness is that pil.rt of me whirh is f''(c11f!fL Sometimes L know whn 1 am and sometimes T don - i :tf'{"ng;nize \yho I'm herllmjng_ depending on the intensitv rlTl~1 the 10('<1-

'on of my cxciterru-nt

We know ours dye. as our ,t",TI1p.rYIp.nt crrmcs forth In he fflrms nf action and feeling, eKpcct.1linn and ('!r.sire, Our greal.f'~l f'Itf'rgy is at nur -~urfacc. which we <In.' continually funning u nd Jl"'f' funnDIg_ Our bourrrla rv is the place where our excitnti.m df'fi uelo LL'S_ where nui BXfll"riellce emerges as lIs----Gur shape, OU r particul nr per~lJn_ The 1uimonlial ocean swells 11 p :in H wave, forming inrlh-il'llua tion.

KODrL~ ROOT1:i O'F A'''' .... RE);E Ii

The ccstasv and lln~ruish of the human ~i ruation is that we lin' :md. pi-rceive the furm of pur life in ~ he iTlImediate ]ITC5t':Tll, Am1_ stumlulg Hi' as 1,,,, e do- we are ahll:' osee m to the d istanc t" _ the rll tun' _ Ann ;;.0 wr- Ii ve l he sc . ~,'O <isFert~ of 11m\ at , hp. SilTIU' limp- ~n ather anirnal's c-ccite L 111'Y pi:! t tern- f'X ten rl the TH min l his "" ay. ~ II oth r animal i~ 50 full or the t'nerg-.- that reaches mu and

- l[lpeOS thaL ~hich is riut ye dH"rc

\"~nki.ng. 5t~nd.in~- and walking rake us oul of the I'CCrlrl. thnt unbounded ..;pac-: ~ .. vhere '\'10 are pun' f>XP,JT1- .. ion On the ship rmm. Europe to Amf'ril:<.l I disruvercd 1 nat my awareness is actllHlly t h~ prono.ss of mr excitement ,-fU-llsting' toward form. The rmhunno('{J fin ding beundaries is what awarenoss is.

The .rmtinuum of our self rJ)r]]11L1~ 15 \\ hat WI" ClTf'

consei IUS. of LyUlj! down Ilattcnv and lrrnad ens our excitement, OUT awareness. out 5cH feelill§!- rn3kiH~ nur houndaries Iess differentiated. Standing IIp ill f'I1SID'" nur excitement and dr't'pens our <.1\1\ arene-s. O~IT- self-

eeling. as l.H' rCIlI-gani7f' uur selves In the sphere of gnn-ily-

Standing- is the:' 1 hrust of our s.eH fornring, of ilL

divldlHI ting ~ur Irves, of CIC'nt] rl£ a Ii r~~T l~_ lng-puip¥!, up we shHpe the ~pacc fur U(,'''.- respCln<,f' and new f, cus, \Vc CXpc.iE'I1Ce new form}; of pl~a_qlrC'- IlP1,'I;' p!ltterll~ f}f exprcssin ~ nur Iove lor a II 11CL Smmd t I'cnnw 5pt.'l"f"h and acquires the di<;llllc:tion~ of lml~lage, The emotions (If v .... lking ~HJri ~tancling lrrrm the human hody. lhe lUI man awareness. The awake hrxh is OUT consriousness.

20

YOUR BODY SPEAKS H~ MIND

(JUT .lwa"? Body

There are I wo Ircrnir' ann rna lor phenomena that fllTm' for us c>'"ery d~v of our hves.. TIw first is gelting up ill the morning. A.lId the second is. going [0 sleep a t nigh. Simple events. \Vp Ih·e our lives within the framev .... llrk of these two events,

Th~ hUU1@11 animal has evolved frnrn heino 011 his

.~

helly t.o being on his feN Our e\ olntinn embodies V;"i'L1 <t::.pecl ~ of 1hing-: til!: Ii ·jng IIf our former horizonta] sra Lilitv, and the living of our ~~ellt ~·QrtJ.r-aJ in~labiliLl' our l..m.Iixednc5S and rc-spl)nsi\ eness, Thi- unsta ble and IDfl,luJ r~l~onsi\'c .. l.mding i~ the corrternporary expres SIOll of the evolutionary drama

When working \;'th peo} It'. 1 usuallv asl, them to lie down, to T('lieve t he t"'ffcct~ of grad.ty Then, later on in the session, I ask them to ~ up frnrn t}w fioor or the bed with their oxperiencc. Iu rE:cl~h-e the erkcts Ilf gnn'.ity. Being uprij2;ht !cads to <I new feeling. a ne .... "; st.mding self

l1u"ougb my .... nrk I ha ~'C Iesrned how p-e.oplc art' on their hat::ks .. nd hollies and hew thev an? on their fet>1 On their hlCh nnrl bellres. r hey are more ilC'lplt'5~. more subject 1.0 chance On their feet, thevre more In control even tllUugh it may he mom ri~ky .. ~i.lTlalho,-jznulalit,· gil'e£ contact with the gnn.J.nd= it 15 expI'p.:~!:!cd in fourfootedness, with the head and torso .in tllt' same Flane' Animal vertlcalit y. while diunnlslnn,g lJ.lC at .. n of rnntact wi I h !lIC earth. intensifies the connection and. also opens an e""--pansc of belly and 1:11£'51. for wr.'ctIDIl the world.

H{}OIL Y ROO 1"5 or "" W_"IilE!'I.'"F.S,S:

Man's nnceston;-wl1u Ill'>;l ~nga~eOl in the pulsatory- wave-like IDOYGID.Cntli of s\."rimmin~- Mnd .Lhen ~l rf11lT-fl)(lted s v rimming on land-.-vrcrc SCC11TC m I heir

aliern!' "f Incomotion It was when man stood up that ~:i~ T"Cl:9tionsl1ip Ltl the ecrrLh became iclSecure. And that state of un"urerlt.~"" fI ru1 i \ ... 1" ull i LJ "t'rye:;;; <J" l~lP hmnf1~hon of human consciousness Human ["on~Cl01.lST.TCS50 1 pnrl of an energetic Frocess. that has a p.ame. ~ holdm~-up of m·lllin for the Ira .... tioll [If a ~f'cnnd in which we torm our nf'\'! move 1 T urnun {I)nlici .. u~rt'~s,- j~ ~ lie lH"jg}HE'-nin.g

of cnCT~Y I hal i omes 111 I hi" hde'f pause,

~. Tcrtical extendedness giY12S rise to forms of feel-

irlg and l(1mmoI.irm .. patterm ,., l~c~ p~l'e~~ the human f(lndi1jlln. Aut! 11t(> l!lIm~HI r"ml[tJO[] I~ hum.HI ,1\\';Jn' twS'::;. The reality of our upr~ghme5s lS " .. hat \\',c nrc. nbout. It is an OngOi~llg prof" esc, tn whir 11 \ .... 'E' comnu t oUl"selves

'·Ve choose 10 rnrm , IJr uprjghrm'~"'-

Tlw as'3o('iatinn between vorticalitv and l\war('ll~SS

is r~('ognT7.{'d bv manx "'pirim.al dUiciplines. hl. Cl~de:: 10 enhance the ~nergy [PI" .. nnS"rillL.I"'ll~.S~, tllf':t'! fh.,,('~phnp.~ pre!:.-cribe the maiIllHrninjl IJf u ... lral~bt >;plO(_' "c~1.ern porJcboamdy-;ts usc horizontalitv to get at the so.u:rcc. They ask a person to lie down so that he can feelluE dellC'ndf'l1cy and helplesSl1ess .. lllf!) ask him hi rf't.LII~l tl hi5 vertical stance armed with the energy uf ut!\\ IUslghL -which. they hope. h~ "''''in lranslflle mto new patterns [} f a cri .. ""i tv

TI1Cl"f,- is i!Ii Iriol og:i tal pr()c~ nllled "ontog~ny re!:fIpitulates ph~'hlgenJ." The fm~Lus repeats .. OIl rts way tIl

YOU~ RODV 'if''E_'''X ITSMIN"D

be-i.ng a human. major ~tag-('-5 of ('\colul-ionaryd.('vp.Jop nU"nt 11 tak~, on 5h~pes that are cmlliJJuan~,- {'han~ng from. concepuon to birth, <is one Iives dlmu~1L the historv of cell Iife, fish] ife, arnphibien. mamma linn. anrl hl;DIm: I fnrmc,

r \\ nul d like to . uggesL r hat fmfo_geny also recapitl1- lates phyhJgf'liy Olll,o;i.de the womb. in he drama that takes 1 lace between ehild and rrvirnumcnr Dnrinu the first IJu-ee r~nrs I)f thi: .. drama, the child learns ~1 fro ~rom .II hOTi/.ontil} position to fi vert icnl pw;i linn. ,IIlU '=jt IS prubnhlv. nlonli .nth acq u rring the Il~'" of "fOchul Ia nF':uage. the most impor ant rWhif'\ emenr of iL'; life Lm vou Jmaf!"in~ tllc ami runt taf ~ne-rgy at hnnd rl W learn 111[; how tn .~ lund! 1J1 erri CT tnvct i be I f on I mJ J Pt'1. t hf" 11 r (Tal~~ i m 1ld.~ to lip itself oUI of l ftc hnr izcnta 1 cnvi runmeru. t he dependent envirurnnenr. IT L ho horizontal cnvin.nmen ~ is poor_ the' or ~anisrn tends to remain rlependcn • de~n·~§f'd, d(I\Hl. H cannot beeome independent a" long as 1t 15 l_nli1~ down.

T cqtlate ' .. meal itv \\ ith jndividwl1 itv. There I~ n three~w<l'Y connr:'['t.I(m between vcrtica litv, our ca ll{lr:itv for high~,j[' excrternom over HI "Sustained Jwrlorl I ~f tim;. <i nd O!lr increased a biJ11 . to make rlistillf'"l ions t:Jnd :,>p.l~c tions. Ma» is: ttt(' mo-t higJ.Jy individual anirnn I 'Ill lhi.;; E'ac~ h, and thp, most consciouslv scif't'll'I.-C and environmem-altering. Our l1prj~ll_-tn(';s. preserrts nature's fmw<lrd-goi.ngn ess \Yc Ilkk nur own path i nstoad of bein« driven, ,.

A higher I-'ncrg;.' meta holism leads to a rnnrs ] Lye Iv connection wi: 11 tlw WOl']rI and a wider reality d .lJ"rcater gro-JSp of whar is aml I')f WhUI is possible, w- liav~.ill seeri J ulks wha fnl1ap~~ wlio lose their uprightne.~s ,J rut h ..... t' ]OljH~r-ed aliveness. Co11ecti,,·eh •. people with higher pn

Bonn"'! ROUTS or- \ "HI.NILS;; 2]

('l"gy create n('\~ _~(lria 1 Iurms, H peop~e try ~o 1~YJ' m ri"cum hen t pOS1 t J 011_ I In''!, JI i:lllf' n Weir excitation lind deny tJlf"ir emcrgin~ inrii\·irlllilliL_v.

- '\'c \ .. 1m stand arc t he 0111y unirrurls rapa bIN" Ilf Invtng. Uther animals have' cont~r.:t. h" H' L'on m~LI illl L. But

he rI~\'dopmf'nt of richer. more tender relationships ;I~ a COll~if'tCTIt p(j~~jbihly ill Oll!"'!; i"xJstence depends upon sttJlldi.ug and C'xpr~~ing the l~nd 'r :<i.tlp III he hl,d~· "ith Iuur-focted animals ~ rrd arrirnul-, thdL (much .)\("1". the front IIf the head is the lending- ed gt' They rf'ceiyp. 1}lE~ wnr lri wilh 'light and smell Hul for the human 11f' lnrf. the w~1I11~· Iron: .If thr- hw-'h, i~ I1LP. leading: !?dg;c-rml

o . - -,

() n lv the en's. nr I ~1~. anrl cars, tIL It l h t> ( ~ I ~'4 a!HI \1 ell Y and

~~\. flrgall~.All of this warmth and C''.:1 ('n(iCII tCl1I! lrin ~ isn('l"~ I hI" lfOarling ffi~e I hat's \\ hat it means to stand up. To stand up i~ o op('n up. Opt'f1 nul

\Ve are not encoun (iring the- world 'with jut otrr eve; and nl}""'~: \ ("rp I"nrnmllf'ring It with the en ire r;tml of mrr: bodies The' fr~lrJl ,d' 1]'- i .. lm L~"L~ndf'{) "tITr <l re of contact and connection, Th 1 S is w ha w c p rf'<;.!'l1 t 10 the world ". f' unght ~a.", that the front nf our hodv C'\tends nll~ ~11rfan' of I nu hra i n, 'H' llid I nul' brain axtends itself as skin and muscles. or~:ml~ .lna m-rve-s, \\ hich deepen our connections with others and 'Srl:l pe fn'~h

atisfactions.

"'hen ~ .. sl au rl, \\1-' e:\.flHsP II H' underside «I our h jdie~. 'Ye hold ourselves vpcn 10 l he wnrlrl. TI w ~] [l(j L"r~idf' fI r us, foo-mcrly pn .. terted, 110\'''' faces outward. Our soft m_'~.s_ OUr tenderness, is exposed to the cnviroumcrrt .mcil to

YOUR BODY SPEAKS ITS "'I'lND

Hther people There i~ 11 def'p('ning and broadening of rnntact which savs: -'I am \villing to rrsk, to meet. Lo nc ce.pl 1 F~rnrit rnvself to bE' influenced. "lu~}j I feel ,,'"11]nerable and threatened. I crmtract: I narrow rnv Iil'c t;pnce_ 'Yhf'll 1110 longer f('~l ! hreateued, 1 open ul.! <lga in ,lnd r nke more 50 Ilftce. - ,

\Y h en \'Ilf' cxpn> 5S ourscl ves. we rHe no I orga J 1 ! zed in a static relnrionship with tl.LP ,'r-ndd 'We organi7c in a £h]10 way, Static relationships Slf'rcot\·p{~ cnf'rgv. inhibit excitement. Our tVI,TeJ rootedness "'}.pand~ and intensifies OUT pxntcnwilt. our responsiveness.

A dvna mic, responsive, nprigl1t attitndc ilrlt'S unl permit the ~tcTf'lIh'Ping of l"t'-SP0rl ses, H enc lura ge5i 1",,citaturv responsiveness, ''Vh{,l1 .. e arf' scared of hcmg exr itcd _ ,yc crrrer n p wi 1 h TIl uscula r rl pel 1[; es t hat p \f' Wi" the illusion of ~treu~tll, .1\ person may lock Ilis- l.;WI?S to produce the tl lusion of <;,{abiliLv 'Whf'Jl he unlocks his knees. his TesI'on~iVf'ne55 a nd the fear ~)f hi" responsive ness em er W logetlwr.

rhc act of VII akin!! OJ nd sland:iJEFr up makes I he l' oriel pulsate with excitement lh'in_g ttprigll1 makes the world asvmmetrical. One rakes, .. I step, one goes up 311d one goes dmvn. One ha~ an p("l'cti or I and 011C dnl!:S nru, Svstnl» dnd fli"astol1' Our. netions inn-e.a~" and l)~'(rea~1 harloE(' They increase and dp'(Tease desire, Think of ;1 lover. a runner.

lrhl'll you. are cnl!agcd iu a sexual i"lIl'ounter with .. mother pf'rwn. encouragirl~ vnur Iee-1inllS' yon let I he heart open up. you let the unexpected occur_You are expan.\.ive:,,..ou're mo.ing loward the other. nnt kllo,:ving_ You are wil Ii.n:r to involve VOUL'-('}f There is no per formance.

J'"Jxed forms, a ruoluLe::.. an" <1U il'lusinn. F.v(!Ij'Llitng

BODILY ]lOOTS (IF AWAREN£S. s

in TH'"tum indicates that nothing i<: pennnncnt., V'i'hen I work with. people I don't attempt to make them into anything. I try to 11elp them e:\-perien~e ana be l~(H"(': \~~at hfl,ppens \\'111011 we accept nur '~~nLml.la1 rlirmlllg_m~tMd of ''l'f!ki rrg permHillem~? '" e rlisrover thfi t f 11r I n-t':" are

an ad\"cnhlfc. au emotional [Jd~CS:5(" " .. ,

i\la turit is bping v.i11ing to f'nloy Ol1!~S own sell·

r~r('"epI10t1- i\'1~ll]rrty i~ lh .. ''''·;l~i:ngm ..... " l~ ~1all{L tIl .. hallf one's "elf, r.ltherthi:lll cnmpulsivcly l~m,mJ'!; on other- or

0J1 a set of ldcals:

In talkius about the development ur human aware-

ness, I'm not ~::;t talkin,g ahout Lhf'menli:illirt> I'm lalk ing abnut OlE' , ... Illineness I., unepl feelings [mel sensatimh L'rn l;dkil1~ ah~ut the nbilitv to refuse- c()ll(li.tioll.<;: on 10\-('. definitions !"If 10"1. P._ and to ar:Cf'r,l HlP r'x f IPrtr'llf"!' of what lrrve is. 1'[[1 liilkiul! ahout people dis(,-o"\.-crin,~ ~hc feeling .11ld the- c)..llcrirnc(" of their own rhvtbnuClty. and l hen !!oing 011 to discover the partir:ub r rh~-I II HI uf

lhciTgl'iI\':itationa1 r~lalilln~hip_ " ~,

\\-e an" d1-.'<lY" mnJlvr:'d ,"""Itl, a rclatlullsh1P LO gJa,-

itv. a lwavs intjl'~ntelv involved with a rf!1ationship to sl~cc .. A large l1art of the nerv Oll~ "y ... h':fi j" cl,,~ 'ie(l, iu denling .... rith this. C.-.::1. vi 11'1 tirn \a 1i1~ld ~p:ltFJi rdat,lDll;111 ps: <::i .... c the If'rnplHle uf !SocYal rclutlonslups GrantatlOllal and sp<llial relationships organize social Iorrns and <00n· nections Being upright genf'ralP~ lil~ Imrruw r uuur .• ·tlu~1

How can t lull; transmit lhl. fccliTl~ of freedom m human t>:xpf'rip.ncin~- which is rep"re~e:nted hv OUT standing IJ})! In heing arect "...·e are fnof' Lo IHoJ... nF':·ond lhf> I"dgf', unhounded b~ old llJ121ge:- .mrl old furrns, free to he undulatil1Y Lr1\\ .it'd d new ('}o.-pn·ssion. free to he -stnmg

r

e.llough [(I l.<:Ike th.lt next step, free to breathe. to generate

QUI'" "" n awareness rather than inlmjecLing "'LJHlf'hod.y

YOU H Deny SF!!: A &5 iTS "IIND e:~p.-s kno~"ItJedgp._WI1NI 'I.Y13 take our Lime tn wake up.. we d.ls(:o,,-er a world tha is SO , • , I don't know whate\'en if we can't rna kc heatl'l 0]' ta i J of il And an Y"\V,n _ who Lhc hell are WI:' sati~fyDng' 'I;\'-ho an' we living fo;J For whom must "TC hav e answers? \\'ho.l are 'T~, nlaln.u¥ order for) ,Ve lrave an been ruuditioned so thol'OugllJV lo prove ourselves. tn make uurselves correct Hut we-re not in school an;;"Il1ure. Stand np ami be ynur self.

GROUNDING AND BODILINESS

Oroundine

Groundingi~ an cvprcssion of our planf!l<try lif~\ Grounding conner. I S OUT PI'oce.s:s.es. nl f'xr:iL:11 ion with the earth, furrningll', both Just as the g-mundedJ1l:'ss: IJf a tree routes. the Iluw of saIl Irurn t~.lrth to Ieaves and from l!"av~~ hi earth, so does nur gl"olmdcdnes.s channel t he 110'~' of excitement from ourselves to til!'! environmcnt and from the environment tJ ourselves

This flow of e-~{·illiltjon nourishes us and Intensi rl{~~ o lIT en nnectedness, G rU1Ul ding est a b Irshes II LP. U rcu la ti on nf Our streauuing ;;ap. the streamir'g of fIlII blood. It sets up ill! ThVLllm I]f ebb and nO\'!, and n vibrating resonance

"nth oll'r environment -

\\le have all h(~Hrd expressions sur h d!, "having on(l'~feet on Ill(' ground." --being v\'l~n grDlmded_" Wllat is it to bn well gyoundP.4l? How docs nne find om' ~ grolrnd? A tree. in binchemical relationship with Ihl" earth, sends forth tentacles called roots which make 1,1

YOUR BODY SP£i\KS ITS ~ part of its ground and the gram-Ill part of the tree_ A ('~d. in biudlP.micul and emotional relationship with his p~Tcn.t..,_ finds his ground hy gro''Ving irrto it. by Ie<lrnmg to stand On the earth and I.n move" ith lliE feet on tlK' gmtUlii _-\enyone \\atching a dlild walk ran .sPe whether it's secure or insecure. Just as the tree interucrs with the earth, grnullding itseU through its rcet _ the f hild interact" with ill!- parent~ and sends down his own roots. called legs_ TIw blOdlernical [nit-mellon:i also 1"] social Bf1cllirlguistic interaction. If the soil i., por.)T or the WP.rrtllf'1" harsh. g:rflunding rtl<ly hc puor or tnu sinewv. t -~tJ tnu gh.

Just itS a tree (:<'1]1 he uprooteri, 50 ran CI person hc urrunted \Vlnds1orm~ upront tr=es, and emotional storms uproot men and women, Emotional storms break tllP corrtinuitv of f>xcit:aton' flow betv .. 'eeu ourseh ~s and our e:I.":irnJlnlcnt-t11P. con i inuity which groundil'!l; provides, Con n ectedness wi th our biulogical ~rol.J rid allows the circluating of vitality, gjT:ifl~ rise UJ Iuve and gro, .. ·th. SepaTatio~ fHlltl our biolcgicol grou.nd results in f~ar. ragf7_ .mgtn.'ih. and i"\-cn death, A Kalahari lmshrnan dies when iaksn awav from his native land

Gr,1lmdiug groWSOllf of OCUlg born, 11 crows out of ~Olnlng into tlw wurId "" ith ,[ bony \V(' p}~i. ourselves. III the world. Our natural functinn grows roots un one r"'>

end ,and leaves and bntncl!('"S---soci.d T~lutionshjp£--on

the othe r,

Senne of us .n"p SCI embedded in our family or our tribe that Wf' take our lhing for granted. \Yc ilYIJ quite

-9

&Rn"LTl'nUNG J'lND BODllINE.SS

5£lfc.Dn~r-ioudv. ".'hell we lose our homes or OUT tTOJdi-

un: _ .

tt{1'l1s. when HlP ... tcrrn .. Ilf Ltagedy and. new groV\"'Ulg tear

us £f"(Jm OUT (_-(,l'rIllL'i'nUm ... ,,·e h~gLfl l4 be aware of what it iii to have our grmmd.. to have our 1c!'!1' <1ml bf'l able tCJ move <It'ooud. to have that place from WhH.::h OUT" nunr-

j:;lul'1iID !-.rring~ in anunin errupted n~w . .

,\TC C<ln he grounrie~l wi I hOlll 1 hemg rrmscmus of Jit

Then' arc those nf us wno work and love rmrl ml!"frf'.1H.It' ,rifu Lhe world. vet who never have the experience nf In' ;lllT formers of their own world and of their own selves

r b .' 1

It is nu until our \Yay IIf grounding ourselves 15 t areat-

~n('d or ~lgllificantl_\" alterl'Od that we hegin leI appr~clilte hew ''I'e {onned WJtl1 the wnr lri. ThuuJ!ll errml1cmal .,lOnns may uproot us. weaken our bodies and personalilie- thev max lust as; well SeITf, (0 deepen us--to mak» n,," rm~rt' \-i~'uL rnure in!C>rI'-.f'ly u'-,.

Being Bndied

To be bnrn urie must huve ,I hodv To dk urtr- rnust glvP up his III" l1('T body. Our bodies arc us as process •. not u: as thing_ StI1.1CtllT~ is slowed down pmc~!>s. As Iife bUlld~ structure, it builds itspU in. ] In\\ alive WI:' are. hoV\ de,~p\y rssponsive I"wd fox pres"I\-'I~ "t:> a n~_ shows in the graceful ~ 11(1) pc of our body, " .. -hich reflects our comn;cl ~d ness s of Ieelina .. thouzht. and action How unalive we ;JH_ hnw 1.J ninc.ar~aterl ~e are. reveals .it~elf as unresponsivelil ess, tl ~l'IJ"ace f lJ In P:~S, anrl res U~l(' ~ ed b1 .d a _ r~n hili ~y _

To be :!I:n.nmdecl I~ 10 I':lSLH bllsh n rd'lilOI1')-l·up '.,,·11 II tile earth. T(I be embodied is to establish a hvil1g buri::--not jn 1 tn be with yaur body. or ill relationship to i:t }" our U",-ing bodv creates Tom- relationship'S.

Ho~ we live utrr' bodies 15 the ..,tory ,I 'IUT pron~~s.

lnr excrlerneut. Il"nds to create boundaries IT a capsule I~ I rlllb~ If!Y itsell, Our stream of excitation inhibits 11~'CU fit erncial points in its rvcle 01 dcrdoprnent, l1w Ihnlsi of nur excitement trigf!;ers a S€U-lnhihiling which retain'! itself. so that {lUT (lxcilemcnt fI iCS not full" 10 f':its shape. It collects itself, contains lL~elf. It furms a houndarv . .J ('1:1 psule. <m image. a bod_". TIns is the dp\·clopmf'ui of Ihl; organr7ation Unit we perce-hI" as "us."

I have a film· that shows very clearly how protoplasm i - capable of fnrnring structure from itself. The protoplasm i~ puJ'SfiLing. 5tr~llmmg. One laver of the stre ... mings thickens and creates a membrane -"..,-hich ~ct5 a~ u channel for Lh(' main now. ginnj:.; it rmire form. This containing CfE'8tCS an Ifldividllution Ilf vel,-,ciLy and rhythm, The dlfierf'nt raws of t:'Xc:i1pmcnt and the asvrnmetry of ,·ibratiuK and re.'l.unat:i:ng- finalities resul t in a hod'll, I'he pmtoplnsm has been bodied.

Our different cxcitatnrv levels g!'!ne:rate ('11. vnriuus e·perif'nr.cs inli,,;ng. the joy" rind sornJWS HU:l1 fon11111][" perso'llulitV' Rcing horned is the sh~pinO" of our ]i\'in;e-

• t!._,

Desk the f"ITlling nf our 5!f'U as- a IJ\:ing 50mebod}

'We (an. interfere with embodiment b~· not permitting boundaries to f(lrID-flr bv uhl p-ermitlfng boundaries lo unform, Either way_ we call disconrallf our future. I}U .

self - urmilltr. -

There is a disease caned 110, pitalism Vilhen ~~ child

- ·'Scifriz 011 ProtGpl<'lsm"

31

is horn. if it doesn't lun,·e. mother and if there' arc no mother substitutes. it I.., put 111 the hospital and virtually ignoref1. 19n.nrf>'d.1 he child 1.'err;- often becomes apathetic and. d ies, Its ">1:relJmlngs (~f excita tiun f'xpP.ri~nn" nu l nn tact. no responsiveness. The J r~a n isrn ~t'n, es 1 hat it 'l<1S no ground-:nn rnul er' 0 wound itself ... vith, And without a grnunrl it hasno future. ~n it terminates its uwn prill' asses and collapses its own honrHlarie~, n prevents its nwn structure from 'mfldding,

TIle forming of hmmdr rics necessitates a pre-selfconscious. prf' f'~·f.'iOf1<;!J decision. "I his pre-persona 1 deci sinn Iavs the ~round""'1'-ork for later houndary [orrnatiuns I ha I Ii re jndi"iduaiistic and }!f>TS41 !18 L Some people, because of vcr:rr~ negati..-f' nmrljtion'5 in carlv Iifc, WeTP able to form nnl} p,n1 iutlv. Durinp their earl ;;eflr .. 'it W,1'; t!)4l pi:l1nful for them to fun~ j ull:-t bit f hei r flesh: and 50 1lu,oT decided not to hndy themselves fullv I'hev Iormed themselves in a d i mini~~1('d wily_ and allhnugl! Lh~" m'1) now bf' .ddu 11~. we I"C1:'o~ze thflrTl it~ ""In~ ba hies 5rhiznphnmks live another kimi uf diminished 'human existence: parl hwn.ln. fwrt shadow: part social. part unsocial.

Those of us '''i'11O do not .inha btl our nl'~h_ \ .... hn do not have t he deep satisfactions that nur bodies (all gh'e. an" alwavs 'b~ing all hf' elm)T of ourselves. u)'i.ng L,) gel saf isfnctinn Thnse of us ,'yh", are afraid of 1m!" imlmLsc:<. lock nursel H''l Ul .1 world. of idea!>

TJI(~(' of us who aI'!" c(fnLmU,ill:y bounding and unb.rlllnding:. fOrmitlg and nnfoh,Hn,; ourselves. Ieel neit] er truppcd nor Ins: \Ylwfl W(' don't- confuse l1ur~f'hrt''i with a social image we torrn n bodil~ sel r. a s,nnn·1 ~(Hly. from our plea."'[lrt",~ ,I nd satisfactions. uur pH i 11<; .md sorrows.

32

YOUR sOtly SPEAKS I'l'N IlIfIND

/ ,_(ll''yo

To say rl() is to I1rWkt';l statemen t of protesL a nd selfaffirmatinn that hl':ightcns nne'" .. -xcitatory pnll'e";"ie5 and vi v j Iies the sense of .. I." In the carlv 1i ff' i I 1H~C'l.lI'5 spl.1 n taneously. dn:umstamially, prc-personal lv. TIle child's body stiiJf'ns or holds aJ certain pO~lllrp. and in this pattern of expression its rhuracter i~ Iurmed, I recall how my mfan; daughter lIcgtm her fo . xpression of no 11y turning rryin IT inti! screaming. ih'f>lI stiffening if U over 50 a~ not to be, movahlc: thus her stuhbnrrmess wns born A fe",,- month- later $hf' ~IIO k her head, set her ja",,_ and said no

H t wish lu maintain my indidr1I1<1lity. my lifl~ SPI;\U,\ I must 'lCCC"pt the pain and the pleasnre that come with ri~ki}JJl and taki'J~ u distance from msupport 1\'0 communicates my ~"illiIlgne,~~ 1 0 risk di"ldm.:e, separation .. and loneliness.

J\oIill1~ !If us: have H problem sa)'ing no Even more of us have ,I problem saying- nn und making it stick, Or else Wf" ."':n- no 10U rigidly rha we are lh~n inrapable 01 allo\'ving the .,..'e''( to occur-the pulsate - movement I bnl rp('(l'I1noct5

Ii you do not So'ty no. ynll never affirm yourself. If you don't exercrse the ahilrrv to Iorrn and maintain bOIJ UI! aries. \'UU bee' me victimized Of course. if vcu l1f'gate the world. TE'jf'r.::f others ~(I that only "Oil eXISt. vou 'willlosp. YOUT seH Lou, But YOIl' II never be vuurself unless you're willing [0 cut your self off r rnm the 501U'revrhir.h rna,' he mother, which rna,' he the culture. Wll1ch mar be tl~e r,recr gTOUp You mf!",' even l1aVp. 10 form Q

33

contrat'l,imL A \"I,'lImrm T worked with old me that. since she eould not fi ght her father or run from him. she had to stiffen up ;;l.ll over in order to keep hirn I rnrn intnulillg on her space.

In rnanv cases, a con l I"H f"Li un n .. t h (' strongest €},:pr.ession of self-~ffirmar)[)]l that. a child ran make. A dtilri savs 11() in order ro protect and assert ii~£>lL AmJi if lhd! is ·not re?; perted. do you knew " h a j ha ppe n.,. J Y uu gel a verv amiable bowl of jellv_ 4:1 lln-!:xmr 'Ihnt cermet hear Lhe" cxeitutorv plXlcess.es Lh~H fnl'Tfl independence

TIle contractiun. the no which inhlbits axpansion, at the same Lime o.lffiruui. But it mav becume Sf] finnl ' em bedded that the person is taut. .... ~ on'\ upen himself. Then he rnav come to me ann SHy. "Help me to .\gain be responsive. Help rl'W II) trus aguin_ to uncontract, to unbound. til 1ei'l rri 10 sm.' no in a diffe-renl n'a~' ,. Tn "H~y no fir,,! distances you. ana then perrnil:-=. the CX'Prt'SSlon-tlu~ yes--of TIr,,' action, !It'I,, VI III

. A contraction dl)e~ not have 10 be a chronic nlU:S.CU-

lar cramp. 11 GHl be u temporary set of l)ersonal deci

. ions. 1.1u:- furmntivc pmces.s requires Ltlld you ~('I boundaries and form vnurself-e-then ~ofte-n yonr boundaries

.'

and re-Inrm yourself.

The Slufj of CrrP(Tfrrm

ill health. its 1.-' bra 11 cy or its deaden celll c5s-1'S the h :::1(: kgnmlild of our experience ~ nd QUI" perception, Tr e all kno» how u healtlrv baby Ieels t~. our touch, _4 .. nd we all kno,,", how B. sick p~rsnll ~re!'!k ",VI" associate a hard LIIt1P. vri.tll ~ he-rnan, 0:1 nd <! n~h~ly hmc v\iil h N \"_'{'Il k 11 n~_

111 c re a 1"~ i ~ rec states of a Ii 1.'CHCSS' vfbration. pulsatkm. and streaming. Each state Iias q ualities that are disrinr uve and directly observable. all hough mlL": ~hl:ldf":-into thE' nex tOur bodi.es di~pl;ly nl l t bree of t hese stntes Vibrat.iIJtL pul~tion. and streaming are natural functions ('If protoplasm. of cells ami o'l'gans:--natural funclions which can be !iP.f'.11 under a mlrm:;;:r:ope. Thev rna_, iI]<;fj be experiencE'(l sub jp.cl L ve lv :l~ tpm II tic,· of f cctlng

I [eel I ~w lmivc'r~e as a continuum of vibration, a shimmering field of excitation. This \ ihra tin~ r. ... 1rl giv,P''S fife to an increase m f'XCrl1-1 l ~lln_ '11\ tlich tends reward expansiou: ann tbe ('''''P,mdmg excitation triggf:"rs: o selfinhihitLnrt mcrhanism which limits it and fonns its 'bnmaiarics. The excitation continues ro ~wE'!l] OJ ~Hinst tl'l(':(:;(' boundaries IJ n t ~l It C a][u W I ~ we 11 rrn v fu rt her: arid now there 1..,;, f.I "jight shrin king. a bq~!"inning of selfc:ollect:i rlg-. ,~ S(1 rt of if:' lling 01· dotting This is 110W the qualitv of pulsation develops_ Aeruallv. t hf' inillill expension is already expressi \,f> nf <l pul~hlrY q u r{'_ hut the p1J1sa'tllig is not ~eert a~ such until the expansion has been 1:umrHh~i,

H you have ever been serinuslv cut firsl H1U'1'f' shalf'll nnd vibrating. and I J lP.rJ y~m h~f!i rI 111 H Iroh': yilur world rushes ill and ou I 'i'\'-~H:n pul Silt ions occur rapirlly anD in SP'jT"lfu.;._ yon 11~lvc streaming, Stl"B<lImi:ng rs a CO]1- l1J'llJity or pn I !-in 1 Ion. [l stream of rhvthmic =xcitatirm that maJntam~ itself in a particular direetien and in <l T)iilr ti.cularly OT~a:uized form.

j -

VlBRATIONj PULSATION, AND STREAMING

I asked B wuman I was working with to ~~ ill id up and bre~thp, .in ~~H h a wa~v as In prolong her cYhal~lio!l ''''''ithout tiahtcnrn a her a hriurnen, A lter a bit, she felt .tfi r~~

. r:'"J ~

she was ili<lking and tinji!;liT1~_ These vibrations. sensn

tions, developed into rhvthrmcu 1 contractieus which t hen, to Illy f'ye .. became a pulsatory series (If f'l~ctJ'i~ c~pllJ1-3ilJn.~_ She e"I're~~p.rl these W3\Te5 of fcc-ling ,1"- rl"l1- der movements <lndsOUrLdf>_ [ i'f'[L in me .@ responclinf!" vibration nf tenderness. anri Illl~[L a .. her expressions increased in assertiveness, I experienced lirP rhvtlrmicnl i nl.t'th-,Ih·iuo nf mr h'nde'rness and a softening, ,· .. hieh h~-

- ~ -

came H .'5 trea m t! f so ff Hef',~ rea chi n g a eros.'> sp ace, conn eel

ing this woman and 11l~ in i:l r iver nf excitement and reeling_

The way in which we perceive the V,\TITld. a nil inter!'Jr.1 wi 1"11 il ~k'Pend~ Iundameutallv on the quality of aliveness of our tissue. Our Li.9~L!f' trmf'--its health or i1~

YOUR 1I0DY SPF.A:KS IT!! MlNlJ

If VOU hold ymlr breat h and pay attention to 'four clhed and H bdomeu, yO'I..I will feel 1 he coming and ,!Oillg nf excitement. If you clench ynwi .fist nr: tighten ~Tour I high muscles .md susLa in the contrsction, \"'"OLl w-a] feel a fine vibration throughout :-'our en rin: ('Irg~l1 ism If the vibra.tion deepens, you'll ucgin to c._1(~['jt'nce it as a ]1 u!sating. Sustain the contraction until the }lulo;atiu(! deepmll5_ then let rt go, and you bec.ume [I\', .. arc of a strealIling~ an internal fIm:\inp- which IS difficult to Sec but winch YflU Gill fed_ 5treamrug is like the nnw of Sttp :in a I ree. I L feels similar to the rhvthmic currents of blO1:)d. the rhvthmic current')' of thnu-"lit. enhmu:oo bv a .. subjective s{'"rue of sweetness and ';~('I~iug_ nnd--rLir ~E. at I eas t'-a q u<lli ry. of moving outward into a d ificl"f'n I spare. a different time. a quality of connerredness and

blOwing. -

T1."'o of us are excited. The ffit) uf us tOf!;f'Lhrr inten sify om- fields of excitement. We begin 10 expand, 1';0 make movements toward each nther, g~""tures bark and forth This is pulsation Then the rep-lings of excitement begin "1:0 take on a stream of conLirruit'V thai \'VC expuJ wee Iikean electric 'current.

Suppose \,\P (Ire at a dancp hillll_ We sec individuals with their- own am-as rll afiw~ncsb: the dance hall is a sea of e3.ritcmenL The musk s st arts Jlla:vinrr and the alive- b

ness increases The people make W-'shITe~ l"'!.'·<:lrd nne oiiIn

other: they bezin to dance. ATild thf!'Sp. dancinu move-

, ~- n

ments begin 10 .interart in such a ''''€I)" that. lnllking on

from the outside" we feel waves uf excitement 5l\"eep Hw dance floor. Y\,'e feci the recurrent pulsations of the dancing The jndividns] dancers han' be-rome iilJ streaming nrganism before our e\'1JS

If you watch a cell divide, TIrsL ~,.-ou see- t hat the n~n

YIBR, ... TIBN_ PUUAT10N __ ""!!ill STREA1\.IlNG

is: If'xdted. vibratinp. You ~_-ee the fOTming of two poles, tu'o areas of intense internal acti .... itr- You actm'lUy see the rudjaL~nli1 hetween rmt' pnlt': and the III her. ami U if' lin ing-up of I hrnrrursorne bod ies " r ithin th~lt field_ The ra:d iating between the two poles intensifies until it becomes a pulsation and then a streaming_ "111e 5tI-eaming «:ommun.lcatps the d~epp)i.1 infOf"mi:ltilm aD •• ut. lirf'-~ .'\<'f' ..lIn when we H.rmmunlctltc with each other ,\Y(' are all, for better or WOFb'€". attuned to patterns of excitement

VHm~tinn .... pulsa+iuns, and strcamings <Ire basic to all human relationships; and to all concepts: of freedom and social concern. -nle child is ([In.nel"lPd \\"'"itb the mother Ll;rrougll Llu'"\o,e l1fF~ plieU('ImemL As he oe,,·("lop'" his 0\'\;0 l'munrlari{· fmd 1115 own pulsating; he bcgjns 0 expand and extend himself away from the mother. He extends hiJ]).5'{'H and. reconnects. extends himself and reforms his Tela tionship- iim~ hi'" <elf. In this ""'fly. 1.111 hy bit. he acq u i..:l.'"e~ }I c:o; r~T>~unl:ll ity: he gains. his indepcndenee _ If the ~. 11 i l d' 5 own srrcamings are allowed to develop and intensifv. he becomes a li\'1.ng example of the paradox of individuahtv and connectedness.

In our parricular fultl H"t'~ h.,'Io" ever, thcnurma I Pl"OCCS5 of ;:;eH-~l"H·ali:Hf! i" 01['1 ifici.tlly speeded up, OUf in j rintorv r i h~ hl..·~i m;: at I h > III om en t of biI111 when. tvpicaH". Wf;' take the child away from the mother and ]1L1t it i~ a -"ftc-rile environment: The ritr- r:o~; tin LI~S w~th t'ddy 'i'l"u:'aning and the ta han I n1 ~ud i rig. lUI d U1 [rn 'notes in the drama nf trrile l l rs j u in g. Tl I es·p three sc pllT d trve 0('£furt." an:!' initia tf!ll rrmr h ~onncr ill our culture than in

otlwrs. Thev help to r reate H contin IJ] 111.1 oI self-ima~cr'r which denies the rliscontinuous, plllsll.tiug I ifc of tl'-e bud!-. rIley lead tr acceptance of an miificlill scheriule, a socially iiTnposp_d rhvthm rhat kills individual rhyl h.mlcit~ _ \Vakc il}l M 8. Brush "'-Ol.IT teeth ill 8 o.j_ Enl your brcakfaS"t at 8_J fI and Hut fne dour. Catch Ihc bus at 8:20_ Go to schcol q It) 5.

TIle in i l ration i ~ main 1 y non -\rFl" ba L Th (' atti r ide of "Don't touch" .i~ rnmrnurricated directlv by pLl~hmg iI""-a: Itr by hnldillgthe dlilrl ag-ilinst a hard body. Either R ctbreaks the PX(" itatorv connect ion and t herebv 11 inders the child from di:'1;!~loping his own pulsatinns. B~' Lhe time the r-hilll under ... tands words, hv the time he undershlnds Ihe causes of his fen r end aug..ush. I he sepa ration hils alrcmlv bet"rJ accomplished. Then the culture's idea~ nbmn the nature of the bodv .md the nature 1.lf life find a prcpa.rl?d field to ~row in_ -

Feelings do not ~mm-gp. from a backgrOlmd nf nothU]~. Tlley result from rnuvement, cnntainrnern. and the intens.ifving ( I excitation, A person Ieels the 1)rogressiml {rom vibrating to puls<lting tu streaming a~ l:I dcep€'niJl¥ of self-ell joyruent and a rleepeni.Jlf participation with the IT..5 L 1)£ tb e na rural VI.' lrld Th e strea m i IT rrs brew fee I-

e -

ings of rightlle;;;~ end ulleness '"' ith nature,

Have vn II ever v .... allieil a lone in to a I 11 rf'~t 'in w Ii i dl there was ,;h~olut.!' silence, And ill that srlencc there wus so much going Of] that it almost overwhelmed vnu? The contact with UW ~1rcanl.in~ IS So mtense that it qUiet.s the mind. so exquisite thai sometimes i bffOmE'5 unbearable:

r spent my early life in l'\ew York f.iLr and then

went 1.O GennaIIV In live in the Black Forest, TlI~ TIl,lrk Frl:re:st L .. a thousand mf'tE'J'~ [lp--nearh- four thousand feet ~hll\le sea Ievel, T WClS cn-lzT rflr w~ks_ I couldn't take n 5alisf<lctory breath, and T f"fmldu'l imagine what W~S gOlng on. Then 1 made II discoverv. TlrTy ~lrpAI hl_ug dJfficultT didn't hav e 10 d I 'j. -ith the rarefied .il' • or WI t h till:' nu~be!" (If m~ red b1I1Bd ("elk H was rather that 1 had been pul1f'(J (;t[l of H pollulmn chamber and put into a (' 1t~a:n hackwnorls Prlviwnrrif'nl ~ ... hose vibrations I was totnllv unused 10 rle<:i ph('rin¥_

"it twk me a long time to accept the fedin~ 1hHl those vibrations created In me. \Vhcn 1 did accept them. I recognized that these f~f'1il1g~ wer= akin to the m:con- ditiuned c ... istence tha I I F.·ll <II ~ :I ... F"l\ ,mB 11 f"hlM L

. -

rc('o:!!\ul7.cd that they carne from the S<lUlC eX-{-lf ,11 or~' sea

that -I Iivcd in during the pro-verbal part ot my life, the p:art of my Iife when I was f]jrectl~· experiE'nci.ng .the worM. in qualil.ie"-: III vibra Iinn, plll~ uun. and '';If'panllllp,

The v..-urh3 that most of U5' no longer rc-c..o!,!:nlzl2' I" lhp. ~\·ndd of vibratorc connectedness; VVhcll om- vibration emerses in U"_ we' read it hack a" dangf>r-or we treat it

o 1 - .

Iike 81 slrauf!"~r- '\Vf! <uTept this cmln~~'let m'~s m (,f'l tam

step11e,,", "0'1,.\'11 rorrns: 'I need. vou: T wnnt vou: T ;l r pr~ cia Le you: I u. pprovc of ;mu: you make me f er 1 good .. But ~hen we are presented with intensified'libration. U!Ost of us are unable ttl accept It 'VI'!' think we are sick, hlzarre. "'i'Ve 00 nnt rf'cugni:l..f'. nur tiff'- at thi ... If>vE;l

IF e A re Mor« lVlwn lYe're l'ibn;{nt

Onr inr:llviduaJity 1S our personal rhythm of pulsering Our !relationship to gra\"ity. our back-and-forth dia.ioWl~ witll ourselves and with others. our breathing paUcnu.

OUR .!BonY SPE.A..IiS ITS M]]\fl}

mrr action 'PaUHm5. our dreams and Inves, the Iplaliti'e~ ~ ~u::tis~ and orgnns arc statements of our pulsatorv mdn'ldualit~v Thev determine how ""'C pen::cive OUIsel ves and. our world, 1 EOW we crea te 0 ur values, r'lilf needs, and our choices. 0\. pe.rson \'!,'jth tis:-.ue th<!1 is not. very motile and a structure that is not v~rv vibrant "ill feel the world as stronger than he, and he'll either be Un.--ealencG b_,,- it or be .glad that it is l,rotecti\'c A pcrsflll who demonstrates il great d~ll of vibranrv will chilllenge the world. or fp.el in harmony ,,,'ith it-but he won't feel submissive

'''€I deceive ourselves lo think that if we pulsate nnd

• ... a l'}" ourself -ex pre s ion, we art> unsta b l e and unre I i able and rJrlll't know who ""C are, On Ul!~ basi s of f hi~ selfdeception. we go on hi seek uur identitv accordins- to he definitions of .5ocil'!lly approved roh;s, Wt~ de~\' tllf' <:ha~gi~g J»-lttertl~ of IIUI' individuation by Lt'y-i~lg tn rnamtam au u!lt:hanging irn"F!"e-. But a rigid identirv 1!5 not im:lh-iri'nalif y, To Ll.ffirm oUr individualitv, we .;<t"l."C to gi\""e up OUr search fer static roles and aUihlde .. and instead. seek connecredncss with uur 0\, n pu bator) rh vthm 8". Iu be fUl ind i vidua 1 is b I ~ mpn·ss .th eo wor 1 d '1'1< ith orrc's Hl:rylng expressinn rat her than rnerelv to

rnimir- the expression nf sornebodv else -

"'ben l'H~ idcmjf~" with our ~fTca m ings. we discover 1J.1IT Own rontinnite P1.11~!!r:ffil~ and !llrc<l?llings are discom lnuous, vet there's ~ conLinuit " to then;. ffs Iike waves hrealij'ng nn the ShOT~. The waves urc riiseontinunns, bllt the process i~ r'orrtimrons. There i.s no "ontit!uity that dues not inrorporata some kind of disl"Ontinuitr J j"ing till'S puJ~'ltor_r discontinu ity d~~troy~ ste-rf'otyp~s. demands I hat we gI~T up the nlrl and rrsa l~ ll€'W 5pace~ new form s, new con necti uns, To deny this di scrmtin IJ i l v

is an aLtempt to r.Habh:h security. pcnn.mf'flt pns;;essinns, !l. .rigid soci n 1 ~TU(""lu.l"e.

"iln-a tiens, pulsuti (m~. H ml 51 ream ill gs '('"X press t h p. sense of excitement and tlnlwo.".,,'"in~ that de\ plops out of u::u)"..-in_lr 1 rom tll€ horizontalto the vr.rllc,·d position. If I am h·illg du,~ IL Ul) J 1.1 sa ting is fairly ~lllql'1 nnri sta hle I feei the ~te;!dim'.~:- f ,1 !'iiIlgle contact VI;;tll he 'Hrrh H I sbmd up. my pnl <11 iu!,!: ~rH\ 'S more intense. lind my contact with the f'<1rth hecnmp:., unstable and 1\""\.'0- P01J1tM. \-"hell J stand T swav iii ~hifl Irorn r. fit W foot 1 Ul(!Vf' Inward and I withdraw; I reach arid b-<lt k i-m <I:". I knolfl.' ,"!m~ [ rlnn"L know 1 sav ... 'es and I say no

Everything 111 th e hu~ a.n be i l! g pllint.~ to eli SCOl.1- tinuiLY \\'e are pulsating all the time. Peristaltic waves flow thrmlgh Ihp alirnetnarv and vascular svstems. The Iwn"C fibers pulsate. SQ do the liililogical clocks that :,egulate the flow of glandular fluids L.mghiug and r:rymg. IIrg"'''ru and ejaculatinn are pulsatory. rhvthmiral The mu .... les exterirl ~mrl' "pox. [nllen and close. I 10"'-(' and r don't Iove. M Y feel ings mID (' a nrl go 1 tUn my ill 5C011-

tmuilt.y-my connectedness and. diseonnectedue-s, .

)Vhen t WUPp.op 1", ron ne ct sexually. t 11 C deepen mg of their eonncctedness ha .. <I rh"l ~lIui r pattern to it To "push" one-s sexuality expresses the n~d In nmlrnl one's excitement. to restrict it or to kcep from loslD!,!: it Pushing results vvhen 111f' socialized performance images -interferr- with the' natural r vthrn« uf hodil ~ crmuection. These performance images arc internalixed t1!>- chronic muscular cnutractions which disrupt the excitatory pro.' essas The strcn~h IJf oW"" pulsarorv waves is dimin'ished, One's rcspons+veness i-.; dim i rl btmr!.

If my streamiags are interfered with. if Tn)' lreedom is interfered with, I react violentlv, T du v lolf'LlCe to

TOUR flO.oy 5PF...\XS IT5 l"!IIND

mvself, to )'UU. 0, to my environment. J twist myself Or r deaden fn.yseH. live j1] a ~orl uf '!ileep. ] cur tai] my Social 1.:0011al ts \Then my avenue for' ronnectcdness are narrowf>d. I cover up the pain !If the narruwlnfr hv gir-

• ~ b

mg my.,_clf reasons for holding bark. I sertle 1m com-

Jlt'rualory satisfacnnns rather than bodil Y satisfactiuns. 1 fu]fj[lsnrnebnldy else's ideal: 1 ~e('k s,wi-r..-n-'s goals and tn' 10 feel s"lti!ified tha way.

the Field

One day ~\S 1 was sItting uri flu: shore flf the 7urich.,c-c. louking south toward he Swiss Alp. I ~"1.W Ilrt in the dis tanre .<1 flnd\: of f;!;cese fiving- nrrns the Jake. T1w cable railv ... ·ur v ... 15 mOl-jug over I he hrrrlgc.in the llrl(:kgrrtllnd And all of a sudden I It']L vivirllv, mv cmwC'ctilln with those rr.ying birds resonate uut h~lm inside mnorli and .IlTOS:<- the lake. T felt mvself rf'~lnating with the Lih' and with the bndge and \, i I h tilt: muun lain ... r sa" mvself I1S a point in a hug-e pattern. a 11llgf' ric!d oj intercnrmec eli IlJm1 and forming lwei then I telt rnv sell a.the pa rtnru 1 fell my self <I:; pari 11£ tilt" field d n-d a~ [he fi('ld--a ble to p~Fceh'I" my ~'unnund and bern!! mv SIJ r roumi-'l.'lIJth f'l'UyUI-ing connected by thi~ resonat ill!! pa ucrn .,f excitement thai I 'I i1;:; CXpf'nCllc.j rl~, Bird" and me and water and mountains nnd mr- and birds.

There were Or') serrets. I experienced thai the pattern of ] il'i:ng .i~ to h~ forming new Jll!tterns. TIle hirds were stil] bird, and yet IlK'), were nu lnngt"r birds: they nevr a lung jl1 a lnagicaI rh~t}, rrric fl ~Tming of new shapes, new ~pacec~. 111P J.all'-. the ripple- on the lake, the bridj!1" in l ho h,ar-k:gmnnd. the brf'nthin~ 111 rnr-. the pulsa Lin!! (If me with the nying geese--e1;Cer)' hing was forming from

I, IBKATIO::'i. 1',·I.loi1\ Tl0N. A.:'Ifu s nU"llI .. .n NG

mOTTlent [0 mnrnerrt HI this ~"(llJi .. itelv vibrating "pfllIl:"rn. this Poxq uis1tf' ~1 Hlncss. ll'f'r-ngrmr:ro e\'·er; uljng_ rmr] vet c'>"E'I}1 hing was ullrecognl,,;thlc That \'\ hid1 scorned Ltl h~ stead)'. like- the h1·:id~. T expPrienn·n ns slmp1y lHl \' ing less vibranrv than that in 1,,\ hit 11 it was emltf'drl["n, E.xpp.r:if'lld fIEf my self ami my world in this fa.~hlon-as ""ibr.,ling .md plllsalinl:!; ruther than l'rmlorrning to Cim ,·epts and 'magh-hr(lu~ht me lulu ~l pulsatorv, stream iI1g universe.

HI1W COC'S one hecome in, ,U' [If his own ~Ireaming? If you have f'yt'T run a Inn~ distance. or hf:'p.lI dceplv invalved H1 ii I:n~is or a rod·, hand CLmn'I·1_ y' III have pn)h ablv fell 1 he vibratiunstur 1 into an elf'Ctrlc [0'1,'" '\-hpri ),llU'l'f' i n love. it 1.(1 ppens. There- vun are. Malldrn~ in fro:nl of your rrirlfrieud_ dlrubhllll! nnd ,,'"ibrd l iHg- inside -an kinds. of electricity I1Htnlng thrnlJKn your bones. Ila .. hes of WI;C'Ct lighl .. trf'aminf! IhrPll¥h "OU. 'illl] ,·an hJnih contain vuurself. And n"t I be more VOn contum )'otITself. the rnurc feelulg ~:01J have: an~ there are streams of cunnrctron. 01 "'~l-it("lnenL between you dnlt .your love.

One wnv I fef'l TIl)' strea nIL II j!s I S to close my C''C_ .md bold mv brei:llh By doing rhis I usuallv ir-cl exciteT.l1f'l'lt in m, dJ(~"'t and a hdllml'll \" hen r exhale. 1 feel the f!'.\:('item"nt spread LlII:uuli1;hout IfI~ 'Yhen I cnntiuue m~~ breath in:!!,_ it folll ..... , ~ nrr oxcita Lnry stream, rhvt hrnic elect ric rurrents ~ lose mv ll!H:lUI'S and thrn la.rhts-UTf

• r-: n ~

brain, m . bcdv. i .... ,I ~lmY IIf plF'Lls\lre; ov er,\ thi 11£ shim-

men.

r \'C found t hut to Iivs w j I h mv n\~ n stre . .amings' is

-1

YO U R :F! OD'li" SPEAX S I:TS M il.N])

pl easurable. To palLJ('ipntc with my own pulsating Is to form my own Iife. After all conn~·tion and disconnertion is a fact of existence, but LlLcrcillinf,nes.~ to discon. nect j~ an act !If faith. It's an .n:t of faith that I will .. '<Ike ag.9in after sle~p_ that the p~rson I love wi] l -return_ that if I bold my hreath I ...... ill breathe agaiI.l_ I hat r will han· an erection again., that I wi U alwiI}!; he <;.omcbodj _

THE FORtv1ATlVE PROCESS

Hmo He Becoiu« IVlm n'c ,..1rt:'

In the JI~('bu-c ;U_ML a chimp finds a brine 1 hi'll he learns to W""sp and lift .a IHIV(' Iiis head in .::,urb H 'wvy that. step by "lep. he i s ahte 0 accumulate power. He aceumula p", tlris p.o .. ver by rdusing to 1~1 ~ he bene 5trik.e. the dU i rna ~ until Ill'! fully extends h:im~1 and cau no l!1l!ger contain himself Try it: llft <l lenni'S racket over' you.r head... stretch back. and hold it there wujlhlC" vibration he co.me.~ 50 rntf'lI'ic that you cannot l ont.11Jl yourself_ Then hit 'the bed. Your seU-il1hihilinI1 has organ.ized both a ~lSC or puwer and the power itself [rl huld back trion l{Hlg is to freeze. Nnt , f) hold back long PrJough is to dis. ;;l'P"te the power itntl the Eeeling of power Appz'opriate 'SleU-rp.straint i~ I he essence of nnt"\. sense of self fmd one's 'iSl1Sfl of pO\\"P-l" Kubrick conveyed his awarertess of this pllClJo.me.wm for man the warrior. It. j~ /"I lso the experi~nce of Ulan the lover.

The miracle ami the mystery oj my li'lrnng is that 1.

TOUR BODY SP£AKS ITS MIND

organh_e rny"df and shape rnysf')f 1 call this mv forman t. e f)r(Jr.e_~·~

T experience the m r i ve rsc as a field of excite tirm, n continuum of excitement, an ocean. uf i'!xc:ilfltnry currents. 1\1)" excitement is my basil espericnce of mv

hodjly Ih--ing. -

")Iy excitement swells ami expands. This ex-pansiveness has f1 qmt1ity oj thrust tha l gi\·,es me the sub[ective ff'-e1ing of grOl;''ing_ 1;\Thf'IJ I am expanding and gru\\ ing T am highl~ dtal'J'V'!I If my cxpandinf; exci f' rueul continues unboHlHlerl_ my ch<lrgc dissipates.

50 that m y f' ~T i r em ent will not d i s~111atf' _ lJ: hf, .... -c a Sl:'lf·regulahnl!' _~df-lirniting Iunetiun w 11 ir-h proterts lUI' againsl t[~ta! di5(:ha:rp;€. Furlddmr~Tlt;;ll to the human WIl dit ion is an autrmnrnnus self-inhibrting thai never docs permit IOla1 excitatorv dischar!!f'--< ompletc bodily unboundedncss=-uutil I all! rf'i'ld\" rl.l die

To repeat: at a trllIOJ I point ill my expansion. th('rc is the triggerin(! of i1 self-limiting \'\.hkh flf'-~lm to inhibi my ~x('JI('ment~ to collect me, (1Impress: me. \\ hen mr heart is fiHed to the Iimi: " .. tit h blood, it em tnrna II callv ..,.-n,"S. "Enough '" \~·llcn I am filled \" illl I he rirh H€" ~ of mv life. I ff';-u:h a plan' when" sorrn-t hmg ill me ~rws. "No more." A.nd then 1 begin In gathC'l· mvself, to di~;c'5tm" e"peri nee

Her!" hegins my boundarv formation, my t'rlIh.Hhment-e-the forming ()[ my loop. my capsule. my r-:tm tal ner T begin I u l» 1\1 nr] myself, I hegi [1 Lu ex perioncc my self di';:(T~1t>I:r. individuallv. 1 heg-in to feel my pi wer, ] bf'uin to fed. awarelv, I hf' form of mv self

l" .

In df'ydpping the form nf .I loop or capsule. n1:r ex-

citerm~nl rices not st(Jp evpnnding: it jntensifies within me. ~Ty feeling of gnlwinJ;[ acts intensified hv heinu con

_ r'l . r-:

THE FORMATIVE PIIOC"r:..sS

1

tained The outcome of this intensifjr.-!tiun is more selffeeling and self-perceiving, which compounds into selfknowing

lucre then comes 8. critical puint at which 1 let go

1'[ mv boundaries _; , that I can c ·pl"e~!i m~' excitement. Mv ~:ontainiJflg capsule, in addi ion to Hlh>rlsilying my fe;lin~ ft rrd perceptions. serves d a channelfur my selfc;:"'-[lression. 'Vhen 1 exprc5s my r-xciternent. 1 interact willi the ~·odd-jn new experiences that w-ill once ngEI in p o\oke me tu CXPi'lllrl_ contain. and {L:r\:pre~s m, forma ri \TC f'J f.

Post-personal ~Ji-~'" -m;tl"9~n:; ~~

As 1 live my Life, ma jllr p\'ents form me ; rTIP ~,eing anotller soma:.body, These hi~h points of rov fnrHlative

YOUR :BOD - SPEAKS IT ~n:ND

procp~,. I l:.all'-tu.rnmg PO]uts," Each tunllng p'ljnt each nlming of the fnrmative loop encnmpasse£ threephases: pre - pcroona L person 811, and pusi-persona l_ J n the prepersonal Jahase. mv excitement is un ili ITe rentia ted. In the personal p})as~. my exeitation~'omes cnnu-ined: my 'individuali y and pen;ona1i~' emerge. In lite post.PE'J's0I1i11 phai;€. I release my boundaries by e -pressillp;' m:vsclf: and In so dolng-. J creal .... ;L self. a fielri of real:ity-

"Ihen it child .i~ born. it leaves a prt" personal world and dffi,'e!ops into ;'I :pel·sfll1. When a ]IF.TSOn Ieaves the worfd of adoJesn~nce for the world of sdulthond, his adoIescenu::: fa df' ~ 6 nto IDlJlP. rsona Ht} ill n d his a au h.h 000 b€ comes personal V'I.-hen:he dies, he Ieaves his personal world <ll'ld lives iu the r:tlp.nwrlcs of nLht~TS~ his ~"tndd is pest-personal

Think of situations in your Hfe in which you underwent a major r:hange_ Some of I:lu~'~e situations originated outside. [iko j"ftlin~ to schuol, and SOl'llP originated insirte, like lhe desct>rl! of th", testes Think nf how tlws,f' events genf!rated feelings, .lmal!cs. new ways of rlninj:!; thlngs . .n1::1o~,T relaitionsbip!l with vourself and with orhcrs Think ~If hov v • vou were hefore the event and after the event TIlillk uf how the event re-formed you

vnJen a girl €'JI::puriences the onset of menses, iL'" nut yet her.: it's not _ret pe"Nonul. }\..f1eo £I while, the g'd expresse.... her pf!r1ocl inn ividually _ It's her, Vfhcn hIT menses rease a n.l€llOpaUs.e. the expcnence is no longer 11f'n,- it is pust-personal,

A llu'ning point bas LhTe'C phase.. .. corresponding to the tlll-.:>e phase s of the ffl rm ative prnu~s:5. Ea ch tra nsition from. ('rIC pha se to a lrW t her requires La aeci~ion th at I make organjjsmically-sometimf':~ consciously nnd sometimes not,

1 HE FORMATH'E. PROCESS

49

The first or these d€dsion5 is the decision to restrret myself, ht define Fi3lrL ur rn _V~f'l£, to sluw my expansion. IfLlnsc m~"reH in m} f~~J ing'l' uf pxpi'mding and do not move toward containing these fed [H~S_ t bt:'lI I never end the pre--p.ersonaJ phase of non-differentiated eX{;lLaliofl_ 50 I dedde to be incarnated. to he born, to be formerl

l\Iv second deci-'iunis, lfl cuntinue my fornring by creating boundaries, I dmCl'entiaL~ and hecome persouilIL I become human by embodying TTly"f;U_ b~ shaping ~ny body, IT I don't form boundaries, T find m)"~elf in ~ limbo of not being a penon. of not 11a~";ng a shape.

I can also maintain rnv boundaries too Iong. The intensification of UlV fe-eling reaches a level at which] am. rnnved to lei g-(-j rJt my hountl.Elrje_~_ tn ~ivp. I if' mr present form My third decisionis to become boundary less. boundless. I decide to leave the personal plla5c~I adolescence. for example-e-and I begin to f'llter the worM of adulth .. od_ '1,\'}lidl is .irnppNoI1Hl po. l pe~onal relative Lo the adolescent world,

At the lntt'rlace between the personal phase and. the ]Jost-personal phase. where I all) on the verge of ~;ng up my old boundaries, 1 have the mo~t lor m, And in that transition Iruen the high prnr1L [If foruo lu the h"_a~1 [nrrn; I cnmpmmrl and 111lensif_r m}' excitation Think of a man about to strik~ n blow. or il finger .. bout to rut a piano key. At the point of impact. the excitement shape-s itself in its most finished Iorm. Ihere is the lIighest point of form, sl1Bpe--at impact, POrm j_." relf'liis~ll 11 <lgain form itself The muscle relaxes and contracts ilgain to make another imparL The Wf'ater m::-T excitement. the greater my po ten L.:i~ 1 for $11 a ping my own Tcality. my own trut h, my self.

I am notolonc in my self-expressing. I share it with

YOUR BODY :SPEAKS ITS MIND

others. N[" maximum excitement mav rn. the "Itollder{ul chorri that tlrrills lhe audience. nr th~ Inmdout. M) express.i on impresses itself on (II hers. and 1 h e CX:PI'~s:ions of uthers impress themselves upon me. It is this. intcrr:hilnge oI out-pressing arrd in-pressing ~ .. rhich i.uithltes the furm1ng-ofreality_

A H living seem s to be a bla In form itself Th is: soe Iffo.rnuitl.g is llllF'f'1~ ictnble and predictable. involuntary and V01Ullta1J'_ impersona 1 and personal. 1Ye all Iorm bodies. and 'yct each nf us forms a unuplc body_

In Lhc process jJf forming my uniqueness, ~ may aha form anxiety, llP.!'<lU5C of l'J(' risk of :my nor beIng able l" fonn agam __ -\mdctv i. my fc-eling '1\ hp.n the ongoing-nes. uf n1:V fornll:ltwc pro(':f'~S is threatened or interfered with And "i et, except \\ hfm r die. 1 never totallj lose my bound ari C 5. 'V P 11 ll~vE' II P 011 r form, and yet each 11 f us gi1,'p':;' it up in 8 uniq ue \'1- a _\' 'We all d if'. ~m d r= ear h II f us fonus his uwn dvicrlg_

Our Iormntive Pnlt:{'ss relates Iu (lUI dyin~ I he snrne us it :;"l~t~'S to nurliving, One may rue in allY of the fOTmativc phases. There are )1;L_yles of dving In which penple nvercontain themselves. s9uC'('ze ulf'msdvC5 0 death, And there nrc also styles of dying in which pf"'uplc <lrf' too w illing- to unllmmd ther:n<;t'hres. too rearlv to disembodv thcnlselvesand move iILIII II fantasv 'Yl;ut this san tn me is that ursr d;.-.ing Is <d turning P' I] ru, an organismic derisicn tha l constitutes ,~n integral pi:lr1 of our IormH LI n' process.

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- Thu most intense, Ulo5l highll" .fhnfgro moment or nt" formative :sequf>ru:e l~ thl! mnmem of ~·l([JresS10n. .For thL~ rt<l'5lH1, rh~ -o,.eq_uE!Hce M . av Le r~-dr~I\""D as a' ]}rll(~55 of ascend lng im,,(!nl !"'''pfi'~. s!on Out' nE!c-ds 1(, I;;-ecp in rillIl1(l, .hewever, lhaL Lhl" ~'!;'f' .. ;end~ and .-\e<:_c.cnding ~idE's are l10i seperate, but oomll~:IF.I! <IS [ntimateh' i!~ the I wo si-les (If II ~iijbiu" ·;1Tip.

ATTITUDES AND

THE FORMATIVE PROCESS

CRI: ATIVE vorn

'3) e lC'p ressson and .. ~ hmST.iJfl, new inwracli'ln: rontactful lIl::ceptanr-A' ! I f theunknown

I 4- in r n>" ~i 111'f focus upon bmn. 15 Or <I \'1' rill es for o:p n·~· iUI1

r J. 1 selection sud tE'iu~hl)n; choio or attitudf<f;. "kills. l"[I'Ue~

I ~ I imjpient re-oricnra LiOIl_ exploration 0 n din fu:rm ation ~athering

I I) ul:;i:t'hl~ n~,,,, sense of di,e~Don

ttl, I less fncus, l~s precise d~iOD

nur formative self isthal unique se1 .If .1L11Iudf:S: which 11<\S never ex i" I.~ 1 be! ore. This human respon SC' is Hu' an of crea ti on,

I was walking throuzh the streets uf R<.I5.eL in Switzedand_ And .f remember 5\) yery clcarlv S<I)'lil.g ttl III,,Sf'lf: "b;:l your :-.brmldf'l':i; down, Stanley:" Nothillg- hap pened .. Then I said "All right. It't. yuur sel] dowu' A.~ soon as 1 said it that 1;~-ay. ] was clothed in waves of excitation The shift 1M language made me n~rn~nlzel hat DIy ~ hon l d e rC'5\ .... ·~re 110 ldi n~ me in an a tti rude of fear - I was holding myself W!Hl. m ~ - ~hnu lde rs. And wh en I 1'('lp.a.sed my shoulders and let myself r'om~ d[!"n_ I was R ooded with a tid", of exci ternent, a ~(' it l C'CS1.~l' 1 [ D'1 0 ba 1

tl F>

fcelin~_

At that momen tl he Vl.'O r lrl her i.I rn f' vi vi d. and ] realized I "'-015 connacted vvit'll cvervthill~_ Yf't m) social ~d entity. a 11 the :i mages and think iJlg'S tho;!' u corlo.,ide red as my inner continuity. did not evaporate, T simply d]~ onverecl: "Hey' I'm rrDm-e than what I thoHght~more

(n <iHEJWaD.c.e fo!' multiplepo~' sibifities

in h:"t!ing gt, .,r Fo-rm; fH'( F'pti n,9: tho:' un known

nni' mOl)' eneountee 0 bstacles cr ~ntmp om!' 5 self a L each s1.o.ge of the asccn t 0., df"s.c.~'nL Vrilwn this happen~ th~ }H'Ute-:ioS hr'comes Ol1r o r .<1 ~~:em! i n [ il rid dc.s{:cnrliug fn.L~IT<ltiun r~thf'I' than an ongui n g, pu l5<lblTo;' movement l(lWOIrrl fulfillmf'nL

than "''I-h,,11 I've been assuming, more h:.m what I UJ5:cd to feel. I'm not mtcrl"ly my I,pu~ion of me."

r found JUvs{'U U1 H sf"<'l rlf connectedness with ~J1 t.he lhln~ and all the people arrnmd me'_ And ius <IS ,111 air pi 1;1 n~ flies up into the invisible runt.inuum of air and steers wirh iL-; rudder and maneuvers \\ ith its \ .. ing-flap~_ I felt that T ruuld navigate wherever 1 ple3s.ed in ihl~ ocean of conner ll:;'rI rtf' -"_

I felt myself p"xpausivelr immersed in the wnrlrl.

And. I could sec I hal f'~ erybody else was in I he same ocean I "'''''3S in- cxnTl that mas of them didn-l know II. T be)' ill dn't know 11 lJe UITJ ~ thei r lUU5C'uIuT t; ~h I rIl'~se~ arrd I hf'ir held-in mead, tenth"] 1 n diminish their spar(' They ,,'\:('rf'n't p' .. rmitting themselves t rf'f'illlm of e};.'pansion and (';.;:pn~:s.li i l~n J 11 thi s ocean -con t inn urn. f ht_·\ \H'rEo' Lr:_ying to maintain the icien1i1" of their lidng space by means 01 cramped attitudes

'~Te generally think 1)[ an attitude as a meru ",1 a~l_ An alb LlIrif' .is 1:1 hrldi1) ~f'I_ Our attitudes are the fnnm_'\I\Mk of unr forrn

Attitudinal patterns nrc unlim ited i n number, <Iud their mteraction is sinrultaneous and compte ... Attitudes hil.\'e mll'!'ql1rlr. errurti.mal. and mental (nmpom:n'~_ The patterns of DUT (.'xc;itemen rna rLi"fe~L U rernselves ~1~ <iCtion, as feeling. and as thinking.

Attitudes Iorm the bad!:grOlmd for r haracter. In tl1f' playing ~ If a fnnt.hall gi:lrn!'!_ lht> playel's and t Iw plays_ the formarions uno the styles Hn~ Woe a ttitudes, Thev s-et the lim:i:t.s for how the g~mr. i~ playf.'(l_ -111e quality of play-the expression that ('m(,Tges urrl uf the playing IIf the game---ls its character. One sid·~ .!~ rer:t~gnized by its

'X)

mnststent cbnmrter nf being iii team orE rushers: the other fades under pre.ssure.

A linri ted nnm ber II f pla y 51. no mutter h n "'" well exeeuterl. makes far a Iimrted go-nne_ if [ have rigul <luitndes, they not nnl~· define mv ri~ld belief system: they also define the rigid ff"f'ling system and Ilw rigid acting system appurtemm1 1 n my r.if!id bodily set. It I:' not just my thinking that is densely bounded. It's my .... hole bod.y I h"" l cannot move freely. ha I carinnt feel freelv.

L\'1v atti tudes combine to form hnunrlaries which contain and t'''pres.'S (nv excitement Tf rrrv :abilitT for self-expression i<; "'Pol-'ml)" limited it i~ bee .. us(~ l'ha\e deve>loped attitudes thui restrict the expansion IJ-I my ex citation. I clench muscles Tnm hands, arms. mouth . chest. hellly_ I~ This makes me cant iuus, rnnservarive, mistrustful. 1 IOfJk fnr I raditions til cling to, I bc!in· .... that holding (in to the known i~ S-.fIfpr and better than doi.n~ l.hiIlg_~ LU my rrwn way.

When ""' e are excited and our cxr.i If'm.P.cut is accepted and bl.lppllrtf'rl. we develop attitudes I hal pxtp_nd aur bcundaries, "r~ rearh int« the world \Vc- I:'ryand fht>arms. Lhp. rorsr.. I'he heart open.., vr e fE"~l expansive, arid be1it'\Te 111.:11 tIll"'" urId is friendly. inr lusive nI us.

F ulfillment and Frustration

VIle shape ourselves by ol'g.ani7inl'!," .JultLldes:-pattcrns. 11f pHlparing lor dtling and of actual dOITl~. There are 1"\ .... -0 distinct kinds uf a ttitude. One kind is r til 111 lrnent-oricnted: the I ~lh"'r is Irusrra rion-urientnd. Both fuHll1mpntmtd frustration-orien lel~ r-1IliLl1rie" attempt to serve Instinctual and social need - l.nrJ manifest themselves in feeling_ thinking. a rtd ~l(" lr)1l .

Sdf-formlng organa!!:s mv attitudes, If I am fulfill. ment oriented, the r.,rga.ni7..ati~ 01 m: formativ« I'rOCf'SS gD"IW<; out of my natural needs, AHiludcs of JuUiUmem are charac.Lerized b, d fo:n'rard-goH1~, uprighL b,lIillIC.U flexible hodily :shape There is ill svmmetrv which is re vsaled .lsharuUHlr between lhe lclt andri~ht halves nF the brain-lhe practical . irle and the mtuitive &idl'and. more V"el1crally. betvllecn the Jeri and right ~Hics of the body_ The eyes an' coordinated The legs. arrns, allrl torso Srf' integrated_ The thollgnl .. and feeling-; aTC COJ1- sistent with the actions of dw person. lust 1'15 there is a form, a grac,e_ a quality that we recogniz(' as an uldi-

vidunl, a somebody -

This harmonv, integration. and connectedness IS ~ercf'ived mellLally as intE'l"est. self-cunfidence. IDlaginatrvencss. amI fJ ,,'Ij,fillingrnss to live WI h the tmknnwrr It is perceived emotionallv as feelings of excitement. anticipation. love. ami joy_ Chink of the ,·j!;lOnllLrV". Think of people w}m are coope-ratn-dv curnmittcd rto a task peo]J,le who Inve to do wha hev an' dOll!? w}lI1 {pel of

&erVlce to Lhf'mscl\'e~ and to others. '-

mtf"nC"[CnCe with our ~p.~f-organirjn~ results in breakdown of fulfi Ilmeut-Ilriented attiludes. \Ye become a:s~'mmctrical and there i~ 1(15~ of grm:,(' and connectedne,~S' If both halves of the hodvare nut invclved lugether. in the same action. then we are doing m'o 11ct1011S at ?nce: fur- example. grasping <Inc pushnlg 1lW<I)". or hold~ on rind fr},jl1g tn rno v e ahead. Cau~ht in a Jrustratirmal pattern, we register thoughts of unsureness, 11lf;nmpetem:e. and confusion. and feelings of resentment, hustilitv, worthle~~ncss. and df.'~paiT Ihen'~ is a (FeneraJ

"1hrink~g of our self. b

TIlcincreas:ing dominance of fnuarat:ional attitudes

,iltTflTUTms AND THE FOHl'I1ATH'E PROCESS

57

t.eads to lie:;cending Ievcls of organi:£8tion that indicate less and less fif'xlhility to go on gnn ... ·jng_ less and l'es,", (,f a bodilv [I biUt" to go on re-forrrrina thr- ,pH that one 1<;_ ContinulIlg- to fp.p.I interfered .. vith. we TI'"ln"at into attimiles that we have <tlready tested---old plll1f'rlls from childhood such as '51111en ru:,"'" and clinging 'I;,,·hu-h ra n berome mora deeply ingrained '" i th aach .rational iLell repetition \Ve become repctitive-c-bored i:I nd boring

Tile Descent into Helplessness

In 1 he vrm::es_~ of self-forming. people inVI:I ria blv enC01Inter nbs acies TllerP i .. u::rrresponsiv(,llC5S- a hOi ~j! reaches for mother and. she isn't pf6f'nt There are irnpedi me n t~: a ~'hiM rm ts nu t his hand for somethin g LlUV 11 i "hand g-cts slapped. And there are sclf-Iimitations: I can' sprirti forward well enough lei jump twenty fe~f: 1 get a Bond of insight. but I have diff'L({lhy translating i~ inlu written wnrds,

An obstacle plJ~~ a threat tD me \ .. hen 1 p..:periencc that it interferes with my ll.'c! uerns of fulfillment. [ collide with manv unexpected 51hmllo!llf In the course uf iii day. but rl'1J e\.:pecience of some (If t lrern is such that il stops me in my In·u:h. I'm startled I ptnl~e before cornnrittiTlgmvsdf to do .anything This attitude of surprise," which ranges in intensity from hesitation to astonish-

• "vrh"n this happens to an orzanism, th.1I IdYi:'r in th~ P1::'I"StlnaliLy "kll f:(jl"r+'~pond_~ rn 111C Limr pr'rlod IJf ~he traurna goes lIna 1\ s.tllt~ of severe contractiun, 11" mfl con tinue ro !!:TOW ~hn.l. ~t lay! ~ hill the grow !l~ I <,' not grQulldc-d. in ~ .. ha t \",;t'Ill hdore the contrdJ::tion '"-Peraonal oommuniC8tirnl from Alexander [.4.),,'·('11.

i\U).

YOUR BO:tW SPEAKS FrS fIND

ment, is my initial res-pOtNp. to what I experience as interferenre A dLi]rI who falls down 1111lrd alwavs braces himself before sfTcaming. A child who 118S ~ [ust discovered something new stuuds th .re unmox iu!!. toL"1U1;" absorbed in VI hat is in Irunt of hun.

11w POlU5C of !lillrpnse is Iurmnmental lu learnina. ft is the fi xed bodilv uttitude which Ilpe[l~ one to infnrm». tion, 11.1 being ill formed, Arrd it can IlI_' explorted. Brain" .. ~hing and hypnosis lmtl1 attempt 0 catch pp.opk in this pause. ~o that StIK~estTolli way be laid in. The currr-nt stvlr of r-ducaurm bcgllE> h::--- h~in!! di'>HpPTl)vhl)_.{ 01 movement: t1u> SI il J ing 01 h~ chi Idren - s bodies indtlCes individual pall.~~mS' o(alerlll(,ss .. vhich enhance and 5U~ tain one another 1 1 IF" l"T(t'I'g) uf each child's ... 1 ertness I .nn then 11(> directed into f{ifm inF!" the role .If the idp~11 student,

Tlil': surprised. yigilanl .ittitude rlcvclops in!n pi her ell rl OS lty nr annovance Curiosity i ~ the first .,tep toward r('assel·l.Jn~ one's rhr~J'd-goin~nC5s.. for il develops III tunlintD ~clilie ir~Vc.5tiV<.t linn. fascinai iorr. rap enjny ment, and Inlt'~ratIon. Annrn:anrf>. nn the other hdWL i ... n.w :rr.5t :lep of t_lw f mstr.a[i~Inl'll descent, d :S~lu~ i.c of dllnmL~}Hng excrternent wbu-h leads pJI'ng-rcssl\el'i; 10 illlgI~· dislike. lundv cr\".:iII I!_ and the f roxen terror 1)1 feeling utterl y helpless. .

Let's assume that i1 I hree-vea r old kid W<IIU" snrne ~lt tcntion Irurn his mother, He sees her haH~""'~1V dm ..... rn the street and runs toward her, Sudden 1_ . fi bj~ dog comes out .')f the hushes, righl in his pa l h Surprised. t he kid hesitates: rhe dog m a y rrr may nut be friendlv. If the Iud decides that the dog is frif!nrlh-_ he migl~t gi'-~ it a eurious Imt He rtlight CYPll choose to stay and play witl the do!!, and Gild his DlOUWt- later. Then agffin. if he

line of

:;.----- fulfinrnaIt-[J[i~'l1l(!d

actiun

rurio>.1ty. I---__"'" i nYI:'~tj g:n:im'intl:'vrdlliJD

..

<HlHfl\'.illct'_ dhlike, cl}~I!IJ~L ;IUm ,i' hId.

" -

'-fear .• r~ HI§!; for help

~ ,ubtnis~i[ n, llL·lptes.sn€ss t despair, till}"'"' krror

{1i~so1ul.ioD and dEl:ltll

decides that the dog l<; unfricnd 1,,- _ he mi ~h' dodge" 1 he animal and r~ce to the sufp.tv at hi~ nu.thers skirts,

It rnav turn ImL however. that he lid is !-;ulght ill lbe p(l!U~~ ;JI his OWTr _ urprise PllrL of him moves toward hismotbcl:- and an ('qn~ll'artnf him recoils fnun the dogHe finds himself stuck in lllf' hnpasse 'If trying b I di"."i (h~ his enf'.rgies. tTying 10 run in lWO oppo~i.le directi ms at the Kame time Shouhl he he unable to make a move. he yells fl)r help If help doesn't ,]rciv€& he rullapses, sur-

rl"ndc:rin~ to whatever rna Y come

~ "

YOUR IHlDY SJ'EAKS I ML.'IiO

The attitude of curinsitv is a vital sign in ilny society. since it mdicotes the meeting and rosolving of the unexpected Yet.in some cases. allllo:';mce is socially acceptable and curiosil) i nut. Ammyi:l1we j" ri'gi~tered pmt)tionullv as disgm;t nnd mentally <15 dislike, A yOlmg child learns to respond to its feees and its SCX'U<l! im pulses: with rnsgust. A child in schocl Ienrns to ridicule any d l]pearancp. 11£ the daydreamer. any evidence of rt.ric.:t]y individual perception-m others and alse in himself. Tn I:!I:Ir:h IU'ildHfe_ the ~xpressing of pennlssiblF dislike is given form hr the ;tUilHdf> of irnperrnissihle di_~lib: which the child alreadv feelsrtowerd 11 i~ PJi r'en b. fOT imislmg that he he "clean." and toward school nuthorities Ior r:I('mi:H1ding t ha! hf' si t ..,1 in ~ml' liMf'rI up sharp.

Annoyance is always two-pronged, self-direrted a" well as other-directed. SU]1pElse 1 eat something that £1,5- agfl>e<;; willi me. I ran .. pit it IIp- 1 nm TUn 8\\'8} to bed. or I nm do both Bu he difficulty is that I sTili ruu ... t eat -unless I choose to turn off eating and die So wnethH I l"e<:ogniz€' it or not. m~r attirurte nf annoyance exprcs~cc~ a Fundamema 1 seH-t;QT1'A ict. .~ nd if T don't resol \'P this con Ilict, 1 nrn ldt mill a readiness: to reject, often ",." ithout knowing the reason W]IY. In thisway I ma~· grndll1':llly los-e m)' creative thr-ust anri begin to perf'eiv€ Iulfillrnent merely i n tl:'ITIlS uf Hvoiding i'1"1lerierp.f1cf', eliminating obstacles.

To extend the example of the threc-ycar-uld ami the dog: the kid ms_' be ..:n frightf'npd that even after he finally u.~ts to Ii is mother. he ..,1 iU h:!"!h, cnnsumed hv the

- ~ .

need to he rid of that dog. The attitude of fei:lr }l35 bc~11

so deeply implanted in him that lOll weeks nf1f'l:'1.\"<"l rd hE' remains reluctant to leave the house. During this rirue the abject til his fear may hecorne unconscious, But e' en

ATTITUDES AND THE ~OR~L\TlY.£. PIlOCF~

61

ii the klrl know1<i. ..... hy he's scared, he goes on fec1ing l1elplessto the extent tha~ he hasn't undone the emotional andth(', neuromuscute r nnnponents of his attitude, And OnIE it is that tnanv peoph: Ii v e nu L their lives ~lHnlnUJlting obstacles such as resentment or iTIfcrlorjl~' or pOlrp.rtY_Jb.S!iides that have not vet ceased to interfere with t heir feelings or tl1l:'ir hodily ~hallf'-

If an attitude of annoyance dues not dispose of thE' rnt{'rfering nhstacle the L has set n IlfL the attitude continues to be operatn • rc, It ensures n closed system. A_, H dnsed system of behavior, a mild frustrational attitude can f!'891_y d~\o'Bh-re inln wilhtlr",,'val ._wi lTJ:lug fm-lwlp. and from there one can sink CV('I] further lnlo helpless _ uh mission. despair, ami the desire to surrender 011(,"s life. At each stf'P nf tlu" way down. one weakens one's form. Olle-s excitement becomes m(Tp.H~itn~I~' incapable of hnundlng itse]f-i!1ls revealnd ibv th€ 5CYCrC muscul<H' dutdring that cmn'ep one's desperate attempts to grasp i:1 t the worM_ And, 'Ip' hat h II irmed is ;a. rea r r ul pel'snu

The enhre' frm;lT<llioual deSCp.nL is <HJ. extensirm and intan: ifirntion of he !'fflrt!ed p.HlS(' Disguo"L Mlf{I'L hr:lp Iessness, and 50 forth (,JI.:prc~'5 successive Hailes of fecling caught in a bind. And this is one common view of the human cendition: our Iivas are se~n as: a pr(l.cE!5S of trvlUg to flYf'rr-uml:' ! IIU fwl p lc~~Ile::.~_ uur anxiet Until \~e do. we .u-c victirns and prisoners. terrified t'ly tIn- prnspect of death and equally frightened of b('in:e; ill ivc, ,\Y c {l;o on feeling s trnng dislike for the weaknesses that we expenenced during childhnod; these are the same 'repul-

same frust rl'lt.i i in a 1 I nrm. E;very budy can think of sum eone who. t hOIJ f!h uufn e1 nu ~1 ~ perc.eptive. is still .. ....:alking HJ'iound.\·\r;tll u comtr1cl ed r:h~l which g1Vf!S him feelings

of lnw self-esteem, -

If a person is stuck .m a Irustrati nnal rut, thetri tk l ~ tobii]l~ hjrn, hmlily. ln rp-ex.pp.rience the startled state wil11 which his conflict orlg-intlJecl_ The sliIr"lle pattern is the essential attitude that needs to be touched. Then the person can be.gin til re-experience and i]]"'-C5tigo.lh:~ th~ rc-f~irrtu.ng of what used to be terrifying or taboo ..

li hegin lu undu mv Irustrational attitudes bv experlclll"ing mu1 r.ll~n·ci,'i ~lg l hem a~ mJ' hod'j A d~o:nic muscular contraction is not sorneth ing th~11 ,,"mehml1y ~h;e is doing to me It is somcthing that I am o..CIing to royse 1 r. In co min g 1 n rec.ogni2':~ hrrvr ] hold myself. I begin to contact t he feel 1 n rzs- tJl UtI g bh. JJI rid memories that go along with my structure I be-gin to exp~rLeuf"~ thepersonal historv of the bind m which I have bounded myself_ Aru] nne WHy and another 1 make connection w:il h the lh-iu!f body t h.1 t T am. *

If J[ have developed atti tudes of L~' t n~ a men ta 1 person.. then I try to feel hrlw I funnel C]1cruy III mv

- ~~ -

head. ill .:Il~l Iskt' nrltf' of lw .... 1 ma.nage to quiet 11u' ex-

citement in the res! IJf TTly lwdy _ I f'!I;.perienr.e the form of me that nourishes my tll in king I'll lhp. expe:nse of my feeE n.g and action-the formtha t 11 H s ~' n :1111 r,ri my brain io gro,w while letting the rest of me become -;J punr cnusin ~ ... hose e ..... istence is alternately ignored and donigra. ted _ A b snun ~I ~ 1i (' h ume 10 wlLa bi L the neglected. part of my body. I begin the proc~.!=; of inleg:rittl..lug iL~ mes-

sivc' weaknesses liYC project npon old age. And ~"I'e find ourselves obsessed bv the n eM to conpe.ra t e with f! dell other. to share what "'lie ha ve gtme throufl:h so that Wf':. can deyf']op iu!;;ighl;;_ <tpprm:lf hes, IB:hniq ues Iur N<istencc

Another view ur the human condition gID'vs om of our ongning p''I{reri~n(:f' of LhE": formative sequelLl-e\'\ hir-h, I hon~h mornentarily checked, floes not get trapped 05' an mtcrfc:ring situation, \VC T~COVP.T Irurn the shod: of surprise \"'e become curious, We investigate. and either wp pas<: ~ m by ur we allow our excitement tj I bloom mto dl?-Hghll"d r ascina llLU'I-----"'5ltch that \'\"'"'e assirni la tf' !:;Iwjim egrotc whu lind what .. vc enu.w.l1 I f'L

Formative attitudes seek the fulfillment of expres ring tha l which is ni"w]! f'xciting_ Frustrational attiLudE'~ ;] irn <t! com p~rl~illnr'{ ~mh. I H'FU ~nwg.rv hUT l rrl prevented from. eating, so T art "1:00 proud to e;lt ~ T ~$IY T don't care about food, It is cas;r to see that pride rnn he a forced uplifting. a stiffenhlg 01 the upper torso and neck a nrl j a VI. lu I M.~ L P.-S LA hh~ ned rlf'fJ iI t to n and worthlessncss. Bv contrnst. the prond uplift of llyUl,£.1! f~)rmative life comes from bcing .l5.J..1e:d with one' 5 own ('"dtp merit. The excitement organi.ze~ as rp.eIin.g~ of self-esteem ani! as p.xpr~~Uln~ IJ[ elf'CIn~~S arui pntHf.]ng,

It is l m pertnnt to appreciate the fact th a. t mental ill tl tudes and bodv attitudes are identical-as Nina P,ul1 pointed out in -The .. 1 tti tude 1" lseorv n ( Emoti ans. \Y i III most educational .Ind p;:,y.c:h~llht·npl:'ulir. Hppmarhes. the mind is afLe( fer! ,.,.,hilc the body mainl a i n~ n.e,':lrly the

0. \\~llll!~ 1 In Rdc h po bljshed these same discover i~ s ; 1'1 19] ),. <ttthnugli 1 .- .. m~ t\l fh"m iHdP.J~P.:t"ldi!nLly_

sag'cs: 11.s desires and cornpl aizrts. T beg1H to joiu my hf'...ad with tlHlt which bpBrl'l it aloft.

Attitudes of helplessness <:lind de-spair ar(' usuaU" manifested. in the chest and shnu..lde-riO-_ since it is from this area that recl~ of r.nnfidencc_ expansivenos-, laughing. and ]oye reach OlJL fOT expression \Ye restrain these f eelinzs bv cull npsin u or ri.o-idifyira {I" the {- h est. re-

...,. l"! 0 • ~

stricting bl'etlthing and c.rying Hnd yeHing and the. sen-

satinns of softness and ~·U lnera l~il itv, By cnconrttging DlU breathing and "lIT self-extending. hllth ph'yl'ir.all~" and rnentallv, \".-e begin tu re-furrn these attiturle-;

The rle-slnlcturing (1] attitudes 1S a natural part of the formative proc~ss. It I~ the part of (I\Jf formativeness which opens the ~"'a} 1(1 ow· n··forrn.iJIJ2," Though sllpC'r Iiciallv thc\" arc similar. there i ... d vast difference h£>t ween frust rati on al disin fcwalj on and format jve unbounding. Cenrinued frustratinn Ieads to jnereasinglv llPgativf' fcdin:e;:5 am] thoughts, inncasiu!o':"Jy an~ry. res~r-ictivt'. and '!cpn'.~siYC 'i\ <t:n of w1:Iintaining ones world TIu" experience of fOfllM1:lye IJtHioing ~;;. quilt' illlot}Wl' event, In If'.] rnillg to lei ~o of an attitufi(' r hay' held fUT ,1 IOllll time. T may fl:el Snme help! CS5!J~!,:>5. I ![!o::Iy suffer pmIl and men al discomfort I nIH)'" experience uneasiness and unknow iag. Rut 1 alsu f€p] t he nm~'ing exriternen' 01 reorgani7.ing myself. Its llre creative void. not Ihc pit of hell 1(5 rlI~' place of imwr Ii. fening and alertness. not the place Hf inm-r rniserv and deadness It's. rnv pIat'f' I)r silence in which I assimilatf' t he oM and fnOll the m;~ ~ not the place tlf mnrbid, h:rooding resentment Lhat feednn the old all d a ho rts the fI (''IV

1Hy Jll'"D<:e.~s of dil>~ohing .uti.tu!"it'"~ and :rc-fonni.u.Jl; them IS a. PW(!"'s-s of leanlln~ b~T experieufing. If I have 111:1bitually stiffened my jay. and raised my shoulders. r

}i. Tl ITDDTCS AND TIrE FORI\IA.TIYE PROCESS

(,}J.-pprienoc the feeling or in-forming as well 0l'3 ~c-form;,ng m:Yflelf in the coup,!:, of br~l:lkl1l~ 1111 these attitudes. I l~aIJ1 the forms of the ('I1d fruslT"il1tuni:ll pat ern1i. and 1 l~m the forms. of the new self-fulfilling fllJtte.rnt..

The m-fQrmil1e' of my cognihve sphere is culled in-

? ht Here aeain .. ~ha.~ tl~sf'n.'P'S attention is the attitude

Sl'g. e - . .

of nrv iusighl-ih form. its T~.af1i:tj:iliHlL not lUS~ Its

conle"llt, New forming is accompfmicrl by he f~t>llJ1~~ and sensations of mCl~tal and muscular r('org;:rni:.':.l1ioll Th-e e...xperiencc of m~' "Aha!" is not complete unless thi~ P:l'l.u"f$ii of learning ~~ rnrrnin~ mvolves my. whole s~li. not sunply tHy ~~ngm l 1\'1-' hrr« hOI!. I m'lv~ fhl1er~ntl:~, I behave dirfpr~Tltly ilfld fc.et dlfE~rcnlly iu Ji.1dIlwn (I thinkinz di{f(,TI'nth', ~h" responsiveness 10 new ~iLU;Jllorl" keeps fr!ming rl1y hud\'·. my rne, intn being some-body.

FORM AND CHARACTER

Hou- I lppt:t1r and ttou I In

The body cunnot I ic, Itis tnGtpClble (If lying, Or! lv wlLHt comes out of the mouth can lie: rhe blni"i never Iies

~1y Jlarticular lrodi.J.y form. TTl v ~pf.lrticulaF hod)" ft~d iug_ i~ 'I estimuny Lu my particular rharacter, rnv part+cular way of Leb~yiug~ both psyc.holo~i"'l'Il1y an-ri physically ~110 1 tim has n <]lHlili1llbal permeates f'HlI)' as.pi1!.ct of my existence and makes mp rf"f"ngnizable. I do things. seriously. I respond HamboYllntly ] radiate joy- I UIIY.e pOlS1m This IS the self that I 11a"~8 formed and the individua 1 i tv thut [ radiate ..

] am not so much interested J n LIn" motives bt:"hind a pp.:rSOl1·s behavior. VVh<ltt Trn interested in :is the qcwlit} \'\IAI.h which that perf-Oll performs an act-witll Iovr or with hate, "I rillgh LfllrvloarnJ ~ flugaged or ambi~rale.ntly T nsk myself: How does thi~ vers.on \, body reach P ut fOT contact: Is it with the gro",,-ding humil.itv of 0:1 beaten dog? Does he. J..ilc ot slave, m ~n'e cam LiO'Usl y so IHi W

fll~se by b is perform;'lnre? 01" is his quality that of a leanl J defiance, ;_I with hulding hy me.alli of rigid chest and witted t{"Cth~ Docs he Tearh Ilul Hggrt"~"Sivelv. with stiffcl1~d arms and thoughts of revenge or I{'~ring Ilp~ 01· does bf' p);.pre£5 his nverall satisfactinn 1n his t issue, which s"",,'elJ... Ilnlwo=ml with pleasltre") Thisis how I rood eha:ractcr.

1 respond to the pmn~$s of i rH~r<;lrling \\ iL11 others, and 1. fOnII my self arrording in ro,' t"X peri~nn:'~_ [ have em bodied my encounters with the world_ unri lhc\" h<:lVil" left their mark, ?\ iL)' chara ctcr reveals th C f]Uil i it:~/ of roy living experience-s-be it bitterness or pleasure, sulkine~, ?r optimism Pe- ~~1f' reoognize . me b~r this essential qualtty- And 1 J'f'.r.ugnlLf' rnv:;e] r b, it, r have line I rif!ufl .,,,,Ill) 15 a bVLlUC.y_ @g~e'SSi v e ltJker~uycr_ luved fur his ~!uallty of N·C?tm:5s. an d anothre fri eud w11.O is a slow- moving. hea '''y-m - mond woman. I Dyed (ll"( he r fad ia tion nf fairness,

In our l"aT]Y years V'fC' hegin to encounter the world, and our bodily responses. rO.ml uur character and nur a"yal;;:elung cnnsciousness, There are m~H'y va riet.ie~ and levels of em:nUl1tCL man~r drffcrent wavs ~ln \.'I.-bkh life's exci tRtory processes may ill tsrmin g]e to evoke form. Body form. includes the shape (If fp.€liJ:l~_

'r11e excitement of the chi!d ami l he e)u-itcmenL I)f rite parent have qualities such as sweetness er TC5£'niIn em: th at rnrnmun icate;d_ wi th each other _ The communication n lthis qlli:lil~ty or f'xri.l;euLII?nL gi"..,e-s the child's form an e roo li nIL a I LOll e _ If L he pa ren l '~ 1""'Cl tHm~nL is

6R

YOUR BOn'! SPEA KS rrs 'lI:I"';-O

h~vy with ever-concern or fear, it oompre~e5 tht' ex citement of the ehild: the child shrinks. gi 'e~ up. dcve1 nps .1 collapsed form. Ifthe parp',nt's cxcil:emf'nt is; weak. spo~~·. unsure. wishy-washy. j t provides no honudm-je~ far the child's f'xl-iwmenL: th,. child's Inrm then I.n('sn'L know rts own limits. He becomes a lwn;ol1 who is arW<lV,~ lesting the world III dTl effort Le, lind someone Ihat will contain him.

H-!-H~n a (hild·s early encounters wifh the outer worh! ure l"e:;;lrlctiye~\\'hen ]le is almost invariuhlv to](l "Don't touch" ami punished for touching-c-he h~gins to be a form that curbs its Own impulses tc; I ouch -\ wovring child w hu i~ taugh I ttl he ashamed about h15 sex life may come to cxpre:,>~ that shame- in the form. of a sliff neck. He b&ornes a stiff-necked character. A vonne ludv 1 "or-ked \'111 til said. tha I when she rna .... lllrbclt~a c;,h~ would stiffen her neck 1:I:nd clench her jaw 5[) 35 I D not l11ak(" sounds. Aaother I old me she would make her neck rigi d when she fell sexual 50 iI~ not to let IllhP.J's know

On the n lwr hand, it I. hild whos€, impulse- ere IarW'h~ accepted by the "H.lrld :i:; illt>l y to develop (j I nrrn that manifests this approval widl 'j qualitv 01 on~oinl!Hess. plea~, Ire. fir ~I] rCl'J(,5-5

Tn('T(' are UllI Fly aSpeds. of form. OJII~ .FSpcct of form :is tile shape lind bnundarv of a H~lL the shape find boundary (I F .. ill organi~m. But ll1rm is also LJ.~ shape and oounrlnry of a .g-e~tnH·. rh~ ;:lTC' forms r.f handslmk ing anti Iovemaking There Me shape~ .-md boundaries ~n behavior There are pdtlern.s or so, j"l protocol. There rs the noddin!! between people in rrmvcrsatiun tlrut flu"" never trart!;(:cnd In Ihis sense. flinn is the link between the visible and the invisible, hetween 11w act and the feeli ng of the ar L

6q

Form 15 slowe-Ll-rlD"'ll pI'Or:e."~' Part of ~Jur formative prllce5!' i to bui I d new forms tha t rnanif est t}en_< ff'e ling of

our Iiving.

H we ~'Tf':riel1ce life as process. we carl see that P!:7IJpIc' f'}._-perrcm e III space and imp is. exprp-.; f'rl hy. how thev are in he "odd ,iYe can 1Llo1. at a compnlsively riwo Lype and understand 111<1 tim; person r peat~dly constricts his time-s-he's punctual. h~ makes d.e-udlme-s and coml rids his life spm'e hy r.onstri,.ling his borlv, His body IS Ir,diica ti ve of OTIe \\ , HI Ieels that h must not Iet hi!'> time and ~pl'l(,"f' expand. :rei unt c ,f control C,uvcrselv, WP. take note of .a weak c11aTUCI('r who cannot organlz(' <J COh~Sl' e lOTIn to l...uuLain his spac{' 1lr1n time. Lacking self-containment. self-corn p.roe hen sion. he leaks nuL drains away. The constzicted P('("t--Orl rnav radiate a quality" dea~e'!;5. pc\il1_ the weak peBon_ a quality of mushiness. un n,,]j a bilrtv

"'\1hen I'rn \"urking with a person. I trv to understand how he "[date" to Itis li,zing &P'U"C- how he's fcellng the 5pac~ which is 11i~ hody_ 1 uT to perceive how much space he takes lor hrmself. "here he set- hj~ hmits lJ..11f'1 10 what extent he'H u UO\l\- f hese boundaries II) be invaried. llry 1rl develop a feel for hlJ\' lw experiences and lives hil:o lime. how invoiycd he i~ in li'l'ing his own rhythms, Each lH'.rslm s life splice and life time 15 ex p ressed il S Iris ho d 'It.

Ou.r ~eH-[(mcing dol's nnl, unfold ill space: II Iorms its own space cVi;e an'! not living in ~ irne and space. "'·e are living time: we fde liviug space, T Q possess ourselves.

to be self-possessed, I:'; to inhdllit the span"' and to live the ime thai. we have furmed..

It is important In know not 0I11:_- what you rio but how vou du it. To know that vou rebel, nr even whv vrnr rebel. is inc!lmlJlete. T(I ~:'l.llcriena': Iht.' Imw-f~y' E'Xample, thp pu~hing ii\H .. Y with arms and shnulders-c, rleepens and completes the ieehu~ uf vourself,

There i~ nn pat ans "",r 1. the- [lue"Li.l IJf ,","hy' (IU take on such .md-such a l·haracter. Vrlw choose to Ite a chronically contracted eharacter m"1colld of chem<;.ing tf! be a frf'p- chararter? The door is riever Insf'd The form ing uf rharar ter 1'5 T(lrrted ill the same 'lpen-endcd prfl( E'~S that forms U~ as: bocl.il'f>

I remember a group situation Twas jnvnlved in One 01' I he participants. a woman of fiftv fiye or sixty. had UI(' charar ter of a cl'1mpl[ljm~r.'sh cumplained that she ,-a511"t ;.Me to rpm:picte au\·lhintl". that she ur-ver felt satisfied. Her lwdv was ~tr'(lrcd over ami smrr-Iooking. ,·ltl' had chn-pll to form D rr-ippled St"lf

She told U~ <1 dream, and it \";JS evident rum rhe dream that she wann-rl to dip Sp\-cral of LLS pniuledhis out. AI 11 rst s]1I" couldn't rf'1 (JgTli7(~ it herself: hut hell. ,tep hy step. iL br:c<'Inu' deal" tel her Lil<ll death ,,"a~ what . he rcallv dl'"Sircd Sh~' felt that 11 f e was a 1")1 ~l"t> nnrl I hat rlying was somethillg she cnuld do successfullv. To 'M1Il to dif'''I'''Q5 ill character [j}r hcr-a rrue-to-Iorm expr('~sion of her rrushed 5t>H And as flu·· hc~an to understand huw she had origirm1ecl this r haructer, as she llf'gi:HI to understand tha L she was Chili ~SLI1 g (I Ii 'Ie her p~S.1 in l he

FHIRM '>ND CH,\IL'l.GTlcl'l 71 pr'escnL she begilll tu '" ant tn create a flifft'rf~nt Iorm of Hie.

Ht:Jli\,ever negative a pP.r~l n's structure may pres·

pnlly appel:l['- there' was a time- wherr iL served th~ desir Hbh~ and useful pllfpOs.e of safeguardrlll!; his uif'n~ty Et~t in terms of the p~ r~oIl '., r u Uillin.g hi 5 poh'n ua 1. this oTlcc-d~slra bls form rna- 11m, be se erelv TC:l rif Ii .. e. A nClt if 1 he person maintams it 1 un long. he d.i cs , H(' dil'" m UlC sense that he pffecti"t'eb.- curtails In life expres-

sion_

I remember (l woman 1 worked with' pretl j. big-

bO:rlP.tl. energetic. u dancer. "f'r_)" muscle-bound. ''1il~ rrn, with hig hlar], e~'e5 that mvired you tu "Pf'ak At thLrl"l.·. she WU5 f'ver".nn ... ·~ unmarried older sE.~It"r_ l\ hen. I pointed. out the b'g-s"j~"'ier rillf' mth which ~bf' apprll;-tchl"-rl all tasks=-the attitude shp. had of hcmg thenon-azzrcssivc ",.,1 r df'InWp svmptlthr?"r~,.hf' broke

~~ . b •

down -and cried She told me !.11<lL her bi;!!; IDu",l",' en-

cased her anger toward those she f~1L did not Ll?pn;na1.e her ur gl,'e Iwr fP:cngnitinn iOI"'''i;,mting to please T pointed out that her rrru de hnunde~r:5s \lh~1 :GtopI;'ed her [rom mo 1, ing like a wom a n. S h P. cried aga rn, sa y Hl,g ill" Ielt impt>lled h. be a dancer <;(1 a~ to learn to muve gra 'e£ull~'~ sh~ r~:dllM that in her teens ~lf'I: . ·il\.mg 5('''uttl'ity was laughed a L by her familv, "''''ho tn1d her. "Don't wiggle like that." }.lld .... '" could both see 'how her r h .. nll·1f'1'. LIt!'" hig sister, had ("H'aLE,d a shape that C"(

pressed her self-denio L

IDENTITY AND THE FORtvtATIVE PROCESS

Our htnIi] - experiencing gh'f'<; l'ist> 111 (j rnntirruitv of fel:"li1'lg that shapes llw.lf ..... us The shape of our 0\',711 experi ence i ~ 011 r 0'1\"1'1 "identity ,,\ 'hen WF" d.i r ni n is b nur bodily experiencing, we 5!1bfp(J ourselves to 1t;.·uiTl![ others tell us who we .Ell'f' "'YoU'IT a 6SLI(':5raan"~ "You r~ an ~.:ngin£"er") and , .. hu to be "Be a mnre IJle<L~anL person ~ "Be EI 1I')'a I worker' J. If is uu r sern .. t i( mt's~.lg"'~ that ~lt71r~ us weather the need for npprcval nnd the polin Ilf r.ewctu:m. As S()r![J ;1S \ .. "C dismiss these m~s~agp!i. ,YC UCgtrl to aduiJl readv-made irnage<;; t:lnu nih·".

For veers we have bef!!1 IlHt('Tlt to relutc to nI1I'selves and to each other rm j he basis of .roles that ]1~1' € been handed clr,\'\o'n to us. 'Ve have perpetuaLf'd precHt categorie~ f~}r defining the nature uf whu wr- ~lr,,-ror Pi..nlwj nt jn~ what it i5 10 hl" H wurnarr, whut it 1S to tw iI marl, what it i.:; 0 be sexual. to be adult and mature Most of U5 a lL~m p I I U ('TC<l.tC our i den ti Lip~ b \' 1 rni La tinz and li~fug nut these prcconceiv ed, n .les. r-

Ever So i nee anyone can rem!'! m her. OUT CIJ£rgy ha S"

IDE1'lTln- \1';D THI! .,ORl\oIATI\""'E P[U)(:F.:s;i;

gone almost entirely into \'I-'inning food. shelter. and s.afety~ ~m.l our identities hill."t' been consistent with our IlC('lk NO'lw!de'1l'li., Irnwever, for II hit uE U5 these basic needs are ocmg met A nd thp moment unr needs an: met, we are presented with tJ surplu.~ oC energy. \Ve I hen experlencc : yt'<lITIing til move into n("'\ situations, to-make new connections. to al1o\ new form and images To emc rgf> ill our Ii viJil~

ThE' uniqueness of us hllImm animals is tha1 ... e are I lpen-cTU1ed. Our Iifetimes cnntinuallv nITer us frcsh pnssfliilities for fn:rrnillg unprecedented relationships with oLluITS and l,'i'ith om' surround. OUl" open enderlness is tntr-insic t nur human luJF Ild~llg

Our continual forming- ui.·e~ ri~.f' tu feclinus of •. (1 ._

..... e_

and, also to feel j n~ of 1111 sureness, fpc] i 1"1 w- 0 I anxi ctv

';Vhen we feel anxiuus, rmmy of us trv to runtain our excib"Tn!"nt h} holding b<Jck. l,olri.ll1g on to the .. tH tus 111111, t,;oT11nu·Linf!" and constricting- rnthf>.r than chooS1ng to expand We fnrrTlulate philosopl1i{'~_ dognH:t5. and other image-sy'!;tem" whjr-b_ by sterf~t1t:pln~ {I~. assure us a ~en~ nf perpetual identily But when we tI'!' 1.0 ,~yste:mnllze ourselves and this '51'~lcrn/:lLlzing: is not n('u .. ~"

ary- for survival. w·' leel shame and gudt-lhe guilt of shrinking away frnm uur potential IN" un i.jue! ~ furming (Jill" selves.

Vf(~ are situated between our pro('€"is of ongojn~rLPl''' and our ,11 [PHlpi'\ 111 retreat from tn.':!t 11n"Wf'5!:t. \Ye aTC sit Jilted bctw ('11" imting to establish ,1 ·ct of gh ens ana bemg willing to Ic1 I hf> old dissolve while t he new is Inrmed. "e arc situated 1..~I!'n~f'n self-maintaining <HId 5elf-rorlTling. between prcscrvi u~ 1:1 status quo and rnov ing lflwarrl the ambiguous. the Tlnn:orll-lin.

"\Vhcn "" f' c.hallenge old patterns--- ·Lerf>Ot_"'l'ed roles.

chrorricallv .ri~id muscular respon~s.. outdated feelings -,YC experil"nf {' he present pain I) our Iived pa:-l \\-e also cnnfrunt the unsureness uf 1'JlC futuro. And if we are una hlt' In commit OUT energy tn all uncharted ronrse of f Inning- the new. \'\t>- retreat 0 the nuntbiIHr <ecuritv oj

_ ~ T

, ... ·hat 15 farnilie r', -

E folul jun is the e-motion rtf 1 il--ing At tins panicu Iar ti1lL~, IIlI? forms of pur UJIrIHT" arc 510, ... -h twO'inmnu .. . e ~

to £iv~ , .... -ov, The stereotvnes <In' beninuina 1rl he out-

._.... .r r If:'! r. .

gI'u,\ IJ ,~rith the diSTlI,ml fing of the old <tnd the uncer-

tainty of the ne,,,,. rnunv feel r1i.str€~, and panic: a ff'W <lIT feeling excitement and fl! II i. i pation,

T.I Ul~e of us whn 1"_' pf'rienn::' panic have nul lwen a hle to identifv " .... iLh uur uwn forming. w:ith 111c feeline; an(t pulsatiu~ oj our bodies. \\ f" have accepted others' i~)fl~{'~ of nun. E' h· es ; ~"e Ita H' 111 J5(.'n to disassocia l... ou T~ l'l vcs from our excitement-i--perhaps ber-au_ f' ,IF •• J,lI."k of bod" contact. perhaps nut of despair mPl· ft'"eiing at all. Living with and til fOlJ,![h our hurt ill ru l he-l P lessness helps us cnlltinue to irrh ... b~t our horlies. brings 1.15 in! It lnw h "" ith what 'Wilt IDve sati-Iai 1 ion to our budi~s_ rml merclv to nur minds. '\ \ hei L we can cxperienr~ mrr bodies' forming\\-1 rh pleasure. WI' discover uur uwr idcnritv -

\Yc <15k OUr rhildren t., find uut who they are qlllie (~Mh' in Iife. Th 1<; Jmppen5 in a l least three \\ avs,

First, right Irnrn he bcgnming. "\\'~ c"'p<'rt a child 1{1 ide-nt,fy with i.:I L·t~rl[1in 5elf-md~I~TJ- 'Don't erv " 'Don't nntch, ' '·COI11ro[ your bowels." "Swallnw that anger," There are definite roles Ihut 11(' self-mastered r lrilrl 1<; directed to assume: Ulf" ~uua boy. the guml gi rl _ I he

obcfli(Lnt nna, the smart nne, the c'ooperatl1;'e one. The child who Lakes. all a so .ial :role learns to be his 0~11 c;citinzer TIl pl.'ice of his p1H"f'.nL -'1 W.3;~ not good 1 [Ida} ~ I didn'1 Ii 'e up to 1 be ideal.'

Sen1nd. 'i"7C ask ~hf' _'OID1.g pc~on to tnkp. an I]CCl1IJAti'onal role "How much ... rhocling do ~·rm have?" "'\\'hat kind of s lob do yon have?" , \\ ll<lf~ ,,11tH' earning Cd-

padt:.\"?·· _ .

And then wr: ask. everyone r 11 lake 1]]1 1'1 lnologIc<11 nr

:OeJ...'"Ul'Il cole, to identi fy with a rmdicwar not inn of what a woman or a man is: mother, father. wife. husband;

All 0 f I.llf'~~ P. aTC rultu ra] Hiles tll ('11 ~ h ape the i den ti t~· of the. so-called d vilized hurn.m being [n these thr~e WiliVS and more. onf" j" expected dS soon as pO!isiblt' to find a sUllC1blf> niche iTl Iife I'm inhuln·e. so T ~~udy to he an artist. I'm mechanically talented. "n 1 study to he iii te>l:hrllcia:n. In everv ease there i~ tremendous prr-s.suT'l' upon me In create a~ identifiable' se1 ('I attitude- ~-\nd to create II Sf't ~~j attitudes 1~ lu create n(!1 unlv a ul:'hd sys:tem about wh« 10m. bu i I ..;?t of action patt{'ITl!' b I irap}emf'lll these belief-

A rtJle serves twG purpO&CS, It serves to ~i~Te me .1 shap~-thc kind of idcn it.)' by whil h tile .,,:orld can categuriz~ me HIln judge tne II also serve to gi'-c me a sense 0 r inner co n II n ui tv <I nd Sf' If -r('t_;v~lli tion Hlll)H whir-h I ran act By perpetua.ting I'f'rtain definite feel ings and imag-es_ 1 diminish m~T fear of the unkI1f,\.nl, If my role is d;snlill~d. I get dib-liri~nted. T dnu't know W110 r am. r rn out of ph;J~ with consensus time.

In urder In FOss~s an identity that ~'I.-es uoth an outside reference t[~ others 011d. an inner "eme- [If identity" most of us accept stabilized rolp.~_ I m::Ct"pL a sta blhl.ed :idenLity and T dle lidn~ up tn it, .Ii. begin III Iivc an apprO'\led llattenL and I cling to it all mv Irfe The onl~

YOUR BODY SPEAKS ITS'" l'NO

varratmns are that I'm )"mng_ then I'm middle-aged.. and finally I'm old _ Dud n ~ 11lT youthful staae an d d ur in g middle age J r i":r form a'S ] should, And then ill old age I run down-Ifni! r fear that, \.yhate~-er nur i:I~c. Wf' Ilre .all afraid of be1ng useless. of nnt hav irl~.!I useful role to fulfill. a useful idel1t.:it_ to keep up So when I '5elf!ct mv rofec I feel bound lo il Ilf~nHlSC Tm afraid that. !; ill1- out u, rn lns!"' rrrv { ounce tons to my self and to olhers,

The main lllt('nlativG to the ste~otype5 of .mr '\-cstp.FI'1 culture l1L1S been the Eastern CllltU r;-ll ph rlosophv that personality i£ an mlJ~iorL ~h~t r{i Herentiariun frf'm th~ cosmos is an i'll U'iLfm "no that each of U'i is even-thillg_ Like I he 'V('~t('rn tradition, the liastern traditinn has served people as a guide 10 Iiv Hl2"1 hf-1lf Tives. nut the Eastern approach ha~ l urried out to be no more of an impetus to gT(1wth than the "\Vl':stenl approach h r i fU1P. is already ('VcITthing. hnv .. ' can OUf' 11f'(:[lme .,oml_' bodv?

\Vbat I'm i>a~-ing i~ th.tl T do not have iJ fixed rule. nor am I en"ryt h inf! in the' '1"'1-01'10_ I don't 11a, e to be a fixed Ihing and I don't have to he evt"r-ylhin~_ T m :-I1l'\d_VS fllnT1ing-. cxpres5'mg that which :-;hr~ pf'''' 'me, that whjrh gilT"":; me an identity.

:\1:v forma! "i,,'1-' process 1 S revealed by all the characters, all Llle niffcrcnt ph\'·siological and p~ydwlt1gical tates nf being tha are manifested 01~ my self I n1l'IT Ch005C to identif~ 1\ it!. <tTlY on[, aspect ~f my process and live it out, T mnv choose to identifv with \ arums

asp-p.rL:.; r-onr'urrcntly---ol' sequentially _ .a~ Ihey f'mf"'rgc, E.ft( h m tm i fcstation of rn) prl We",s ha ~ i b Ul;iTl I if et i rn e. wlric h comes and ~nt!~_ There arc old manifestations and new manilestanon, _ Some arc continuous. srune are dis-

continuous

mt!.NTl"l 'f AND THE FnH,\l.\T1\' I PROCESS

I ;:l m contin 1'.10lL<; and rI i ~nm tinunus, r never Jinish ronning. eVf'n ill choose not to Inrrn. Stepped 011 w;:mling to 1Je alwuvs VflUUiJr. 1 may d100.R' lo lit> a perpchw T a delescent I choose If' 11P. young. 50 I hcrurne a ymmg old fnol or a fool'ish (lId YOlllb In this way_ rnv Ghapmg pmcC;lis "3~'S who I am

A number f)f years ';J~o. T ~~d nr~ tto the understa !.Iding that the roles I had adopted -Ill r he f:[mrs€' of rnv t iff' \,\:~['"lP inrorporaterl in me muscularly, I nnrlerstood that iu order to be a acod lHI\" _ I restricted mvself. If. order to be... mart. I Cl1er~cd mv~('lf In urder tn 1)e pleasantlv urrob-

n~!.i"..e_ :r needed In translate unoh n1"iw'}less into a pa1 tern of i1(" lug_ In order- to hide unacceptable feelings~ illlgcr. fear. tend 'rm~ ~, en .. v: Iustiness=-T l:uver~d them with a tight musculature t hat ~H"1d my broathing ITI .H nd kept rn~ neck stiff. Bv contmcting Ihf" muscles nf n1}' limh~ .md dia.phn:lgm and brain and heart and dig:esti"~ urguns, T ITt,at€d an Itf're-ptable self

The roles if assumed fnn ned m:,,, fee Iings Jl, f1 f'r all, if I was feeling: excited arid J mi. _y 1 had to 5upprcs~ l,,-J] 1 iug out and singmg in order tu be H nice quiet boy, --Hpjn~ ~10l1" mearit constraining my ur¥"',," if thev threatened other 1) xiph-. Arid so, as" I farmed I til" J\I1e of heing good. I sacrificed c~rli:liu fe-elings of ali\'elw~~ From m: living_ I no Inn g("r kn C"- '"'I'i III myVi' hole or gn nism tha L I h~~f' ref-lings existed l\Iy hcdv surrendered rts kn.o, .. ' i n ~ ,~f 1 h f'_~ 1'" I p.p.lil1 gs_ I'hev bee II m (': b~ rf'l Y d rnemnrv.

• B)T the time 1 l1f'gan ln challenge 11'l3T onie-rl), and

YOU:R l'! on ... SPEAKS ITS ~D

nill:;dicnt roles. 1 fnuj bC.F!"Ull to understnrrd not only "ili.1I ~he! \H't!l'e sneiall y gi,,'-cn hut OIl~~ I ,h:;sl f chose tu Ii"~ bnd" them, I was an::!::pt:i!ng conditiuns that diminished .m.y own rf'_~hllilling-. my 0"'11 fe~~ling- life. And when T bBg,l)l to loosen the muscular rnrrtractirms in mvself. when J <~ llowed the borm:- role-patterns to rnrne :P<lrt. I ht"'gan the excitemen I n f fcc ling (j bs I rf~ P r-rous and reb f.'c II ious <Iud not wo'mf ing to please. dw ~tn: ... '\.1.mll1.i!" sensa ~iun5 ~If being nuisv and. free and s~m~i>If1r and sexuall , dlin:' J

eV"P.l1 llegf.lnto sing iI gaiu -

AU in all. 1 ""..:i~ heg-il'ming to inhabit my ~Jr:u~i Iy sel r And the more I d UJ so. the more I con rl ecte d wi t h Lit(1 willirtgn?s~ Lq 11\"12' my nwn iltli'!gc_

R,ao(''i have a pIL~i1jl"e <l.Spr:'ct insofar as I hf'~' M~ani'le wl1ct".th ... ~ behav.iur There is no Iarn ,ly. au agricu1tura1 communitv. nu industrialnatjun without the creating nf roles Huf We' imitate a role. Sdf-irnages. orl th+· nt lu-r hanrl, gro~w out 01 IJUr individual ll\'ir'~ p-roccS5 OUT uni(~uc 1iVlllg1U:'·S~ J n itintes each ul mar self-images. Each .. elf-ilUage renert..~ our unique self-ferming.

The i. ,wb.'ilruct(':d Image

How a child expcne.nce-s himself W'l."~ hun hi5 ltlp.HLity and geuer-atc:s his .iauilge of himself, This self f!xpp.rr~nclUg is grea.tly inn ue need by th e comm L.lrut.;illl oris he reff'~Y~S vcrballv anrl non-verhallv (rom his environment. The environment sends mp$_':>::lges that help tlJ define who the f.'hiJd is. as '">'1".11 asthe world the d!ilcl i" in. [f)r. example, =l child horn amid tile asphalt a rill concrete of a city will experiern:e nature 3:. ~nme'l,\ hat allen. because of bf'inl'!; imprimerlwirh the paLtp..t'n)"; of Iris artifieial sur-

IDIi:~1'rTY .~!\~D THE FOHM·AT1"E pn.nc"~~

79

m1.i.lldlnp~. He"" ill idMlifv with d'l,;nz.ntlon ail5 Tlatural

~ ~

A rbild raised in the ('lIuntr~\" exp"",.rienCE!"5 the city a~

alien. His nature is not in man-::.work,,_ A child in Tibet ~et.s un!" idflUtit_. .A child in New York ~ets anuther. I'he drild iu l ht· mourll~iEl" or 'I'ihet identifies with h~ing eluse to heaven. while the New 'York child identifies '\.'I-ith b~'irD.g· smart and. bwwing 110\'(" 1.(, gel ,i long in the urban ]unglt".

,"Vhen :~nu Flit _\·I1Ul' hand on somcbodv-e-to pn~h them, h~ !Un'1 l hem, III r~"la:\.. them, to soothethem. ~o love tlu~m-yOlJ IHC t ransm i LI i n ~ an experience, YOUT self resonates with the othcr_ and you 11"Ii11';mit the vihrancv of ~"Ilm expcricncewhic h help- form Ill!' ~!I hr-r's ide~HiLy Thf' mischief we (1ften make ill bringing up t'hil'dren results nul nrrlv Irurn what 'IoH' ten the child: it's also the result of "'Ill" mishandf ng t hr~ d L i hi, 'W po rna;, sa, ... "I Inve ,OlL" 'hILt we may cnnnminicntc a T~'ry dif-

_ J ~

f~rentt>"Xpt~r~cnuJ h_v "d.iy"ing.i[ "lith unfeelinghands and

unyielding. :r:ciecting hoclir.-<._ Tln- ( hild then feels --I am nnloved. Sometlling is wrongwith me, -, 0\ TIll II ~t:' r(11~ <If viCUmH 1lr1 111-l rner <In? born. rather than the role l.1f ](j\"ed one,

A"" EI. child develops, his p::tttpru" :'l rf' affected by J1rople who are more iiClA-perlcm:('d_ who h"vf' rru ItP. f'1lt'rID'~ and he: ~ affected in other ways 'hv pC'op It> whu dW less charged. In this manner. f>);.perience is: passed em Somf"1.irJl(.~~ it ~t'1" p,N.a·d un do,,; H cum maud .-- Don't touch that." ur "Touch it like t his " \T(lI"C I,H~~rl Uw idenlitv is formed with fe('lin~'5 The father's sadness tcru-IH~:<O I hf! child the world is unhappv. I'he mother s ,In xicty teache- L111" child the ~"'LlrM is da:ugernus, nr at least 101- certa In_ The f"l t h .. T ~~y~ non verbd Hy_ "Don't try to be smarter 1 han JOw' father"-: ~(J "me iden utte", himself as

YOUR I10D'lf SPEAKS TTS- I'drnm

dumber than Papa. nr hi" admirer, OT he J~ rehelliously smarfer.

,\.d nIL pa tterni n g sets the 1 U IJ C for LI ie cnhanr in g Or I be sq ua sh lug of a r h i Id' s exci l emcnt. The gro" II per-.clH provides feedback for hrM the child c'''p(>riPIIi cos him. self; f'ecdhaek which eU!:L1lu-ages fir disCOLll'<lI!;CS till' developing [jf a self. All adult whu rcsona lps with a hild'~ excitement :magnifies i for him and helps him to) form a s:cll-illltlgc_ An adult who 1 rents ill r-llild like an ammal to be tamed and trained n-ipples Ul('lt clrild's excitement. Wlll~n a child has to d('lldcll hi" vibrancv III order [l win approval. lie be-cmrles someone who refiLl ires tha L (It her~ define him The dcade:nhrfF of himself is the prehlde 10 his obediomlv 'lccepl mg and adapt ing tn rnlE's.

~lal1_\- peoplf' 1 I ave ti Irl me that Ilu_'ir paremo.: were Ilnre.splmsin~~ and tha IJlis made them feel ab-mdoned: or tbat their parent!; were not available. .r:lnd ilia ltullH:ldc them feel unwanted. As children. the e pt!1 plc id('l1tifie<i their rules lhrnligh their .hlrents· bodies Our impulses of im,-c'. [11U· ideas, lose their vibrant thrust when authuntic:s: re;;}lond negatt"lrdy. ur ""lIen thev dOll t respond <II ull. Sometimes I heir di~i.lI pmval re~f,~rce~ I h (' ten <n ity n I OlU' vi hr.:m c -: bu l m IJT(' oft An _ es pecinll v when the a IJ I horitati ve no \\ ill not brouk a lternatives, we df',{dnp'1 rear of forming whn ws art"

No" here in the "f'_~t or the Ea~t do those on 1 'p tnll us that ' ... e can iJif'rJtif' '" tIll our llUl~1 ions, 1_11] r streamings, uur feel] ngs. Some uuthorities SHY t1113. 1'H' ha V{' such t h ing1;,_ 1 J ut we al'l' 110f to I rus t them a r1 tl we arc certainly nut 10 iden tih- with II rem, );onftll('k's~_ I full} lwli('y~ that the hurnan b6m~ VI 1:10 denies hi!" bodily proce~."i is den.'ring the only idf'rLtity he ('1:1 r1 (,VCl gu nn havjng The lived hody l.'r1rich feels aud dreams IS <ll

Wlly rnrmin~ .m image. \"'hen v\ e 1000k~ nwav all the Tolcs-----dlu .tor. luwvcr, Indian rhief--our biological ex pf'Iicnr.(' gi1>-c'S us a _personal \. islrm of corrriuuitx and ('UJI nectedness. Tlris is our lj\·jn~ imago_ .By identi f! 111g with it. and b~ main I i'I ining contact wrrh nur hud i Iy cxperienc-ing ali L1L~ source nf om' ;;:,e1f-reternd. "'>T' develop a surene-s. ... 1 soundness, i:L faiLh nrrd pleasurableness in 11U' Iornring of our Iives

SELF-FORMATION THROUGH DENIAL

5df-iurmHti.'r! can be articulated 11) chronic muscular contractions, v .... hl("h tf'11l1 to deform (tUT thought;;. and 1"U10U. ms as well as he W':wf'fulueES (If nur ll(lrl iI's If 1 l'hwlIII .111)' ron trar m~- chest. 1 r t:'f'1 lInl" iug and un Iovublc, ,md I Il!'li~\'p that life has ill-rrcnted me. passed me by If I consistcntlv rf'~Ll'ain my erving mul df!nd] m} fL~L~ tu ke~p nom strikin g on 1 A smnlriE" r with lUTP)..pressed Y('''d t~[lU ,wd I ~rrel' the tight-Ii ppr'rl IIp inion tho 1 it's il dog-eat-do!,!; "odd

To contract one's self 1~ tn rt'~lf'irl nne's frame of referr-nce. Tr it elf se vour cyt'::c .. nd I [vl!lt'U uUI 11l'" k,

- ~ .

Hold Jour hn'1:I1 h; '~i uf"f'.'f" _ OLU" shoulders IJ.gplla~r .. \Hd

now feel 110\'\,' yon arC' m-rde, Experience your "pace"'hat kind )f picture of the worhl do _vrm g~t:l -"":.,\", Ij~hlP.II Ill' rigi:llI! and make a sound r i_"1l~TI l., vnur ron trnctcd sound TIH'tL , ... irh vour eyes stili dosed. rt>l('<~~('

our 5qUl3CZing. "11a~ ha F'Pf'rI~ lo yo ur sound? Open ."OUI.' ~ye5 and grcctth(' world. To r~l~a~f' a musrulnr runtrar-tion i.~ to permit the wor lr] nn1)t!a"r ["H'P.

A muscular ccntraction has. posiLi VI" ,'£11 uI" in nfdr as it ssrve s a s a short-term l'f'nnJlal rl.l~f ell ~C. T n 1'-OTl1 r,1(-[ is uur bodily \'1(<1."'1 uj sflymg no 10 interrclntina fullv , ... -irh our sel v ~s und wi t h others. \Vc tighten up to pre\'ent get- 1ing hurt, ,"lore shrink awsv frnrn bndilv harm. "hf" flP1" the jeopard,. arises f(Llm ,;ul. ... idt- or fm~ the impetus of our 0 'I;'U feeling ... and [11"(:'0" To diminish our selves IS to dimini"l1 our =en=ntions. In TcstriCting ourselves. ,ye IT t rir.t Clllr "l"T1':;C (If pain-e-and of pleaslJu'.

A child risks death if he dllt'>>: unl nr nmnnt respund to the mhibitorv \ ocaluHl mn<; arrd lY('stUTCS from hi 5

. ,..,

€'1ders, II In:" c .,k~rl ing the edge of danger. it's Iife-suprMLiw~ fur him 10 react to his, [lAr-P.nts- 'N~ I ~ -- Bu l 1,'I,'[lf'H nis parents arhitrarib, use I heir flO to the' ex ern that inhibition b-e-rnme.:; trainmg_ there hegins a war of wills The child has a no too And it the pari;'Ill!" no rf'[I aledl) overwhelms the r.11ild- .. no, I hI:' dlild begins to feel meddled with. Rli In;- ~u1 he develops the picturB of an Ulltagllni~tit' world: a world in 'which .it is unsafe tl R10\'f' .• t world in which f';o,.l,ldrdl.i~'n lJriu~~ .thnlll Ci3' tit strophe.

"hen a c hild "I'IV" no he means it. l\'o is a statement nf s:elnwnn. f! weakens a gI'o\"iing J1E'l"S m if he dl \ " nut eome to value and uLlllzt' 11 IS 170 Anv if the parents abubc their no. dLf' child 11.1:; iI vorv hard time learning to use hi ... 111r without similarlv abusing it An.'" parf'IH who htlrps on no for the :-al.,po II[ di';I'iplinl:! or '011, tl.1nt }Irot~dl011 is. ~o-nori.nfr 1 hf! TW of 111c child. And the child 5 r~.sp1Jnse. in a.ldi1 Lon tll undervaluing his own no, is e1.111cr In tlj"'I'eg.lrd or to submit to the I.~'f'n' Jlf'lf1ljn~ no

uf i:h€ r aren t .

H. as a parenL .vnu £E'p.l .\'olJr no whnn 'VOU rnmtllllllkotc it to your child, Ile will li""fcn to it ,1110 respect

'nnJR BODY SPEAKS ITS MIND

it. But if no becnmesa habiL if it hen~mes hound up wirh ,'l ster'n 'f.)"Sl-em of ~-h il d-r~i!'jin~, t hen }'l)mr reprimands dampen your child 8 excitement and help to Form ~Fitc TIle child who is r(,gularly scolded or slapped when he. talks; up learns tn clench his: jaws, and he (Onm1UPi: to dn so ]nlJ~ afler he leO! \'PJ; horne.

\Ve overuse our ahilitv ill self-corrtraet laraclv hp[·f'llJCC' it

~ -

g]1ies IlS, a ~"l1 .. e ror pUWE!'I'_ \\ hen we narrnw nurselves

and restrict OUT pu I~ ti uF!:, "W~ in 1 f!rfel'B with our prace:;; V\Te. create for ourselves the +llusion uf hay, ri~ ~I npp0d tim«, llf he vin tr Ole-me ved a stat] c rsali tv vV c b eli eve

e

\'VP- n~ safe 111 th is stutic situation. A. nd WI" hp.I]~we that we

are saved-that we have clinched our irnmortal itv.

T}w hoIding-enl of mU~~lllar r ontraetious produces seusatious IJf fureverncss by irn pedin~ mstabnldc activ irv In tightening one's self. one mlIT(I'\I\-<:; '(hI; stream of one' 5 presen C one slows. do wn the pulsing flow of () ne' s tife and form" the Jantasv nf f'x~f!rl:dE";rl time---a for'f''ili'rfarrtusy whit:h (Inc rnti)' '~Smd1"lC i n ferTTl~ uf 1 he past 01 the future, But not the present. Either way then~ is an avoidance of present experience. FTesentn.css

Or:ti"'~~ o;;t,fliP.!if fnre\·p.rnf'~_~ !\upplants one's Ieclina Inr the truth of how life comes and ~Uf'-~- fnn1l.5 and urtforms. is born .Jnd dies, It's absurd, Most J}t'uplp. are Sf) devoted tu immortalizing their present lives that thev ('HnUo1 pustul ate 11 life heres lter that is substantinllj different from this life. They cannot !l.nd will not perrni1 themselves to conceive a new form of livin{!_ Ry r.ramp:i:ng -their bodies. they deform their percc:ptioD"--thcir own feeJ.ing:~ and imagtls of the many ways to be ~ U v e

5ELl··FORMAT.lI.DN TBROUGHi·[!I}\ i"i LAI

Our \'Vestern eultnre has ta!ught us to (:ultivate tlH~ misuse flf our llihibiting abilities, Stereotyped 'iltitudes are cnf'"olu-;aged and C:OrlMjnu"~ly perpetuated. Think uf how we .Icarn to mask our faces in order to hide our r,eo]ings Consider howwe prnctice nut If! cry with OU'f" rhests anri henje~,. 1un,'i.' WI" ~ ... ork tu SqU.c~lC' our h!lrl inlo our heads. whore we can rrtusl eITic:ientl~· disgulS{' it For t1l:e p'ast several hundred vearswc h~vl" been drilling ourselves in all the various techniques of cnnstrictive po",ver. And if! ~u dning, we have smothered om" passion and narural ern p~thy_ "Ye hat f' cramped our emotional selves,

The heart feelings of Iove, tenderm";s_ r!,p_,..;iI1!. are basic p..'.pre,~siollls nf our vibrating, ptus.::rtil'J~ strearre. 1ji\-hcn we (~~m1_rl'lM.. 11UI' stre.aruings in such a W.lJ~~· as 10 restrict thefeel ings- of our hearts. we becomecreatures who do not emotionally respmul hI lhf> alivsness 0"( OUT ssl vss or of our errvirenm r-nt A nd "0 i l is. TT 8 v in g trained ourselves to be> emotional deserts, we are noV! Lurning our p.la:nel into a desert,

As Soon as a cnnt.rar I inrr r·f'IH.f"" 1,1..1 he prn-survival and enihwBS pa st its moment of uscfu 11 n f"S;S. i1 hec"mT! f'S a m~~t:i.v"O factor, Chronie muscular contractions, whether culturallv induced 01'" self-induced, arc 5eU-dcfeating because r hey are o...-erl), 6p.1r-pr(tt~ct.iv.e. self-separative. If we m U1 n t <1] 11 a ennstricted art j l ud~" web ffOlU4" discnnned'ed not onlv from the wor ld ;i ruu 1111 u~ ~1lJ L frnm whule H'-gn]('nt~ of our own being. Thr- \tun::r :i.~ Ihat t(~ a...-oio. danger. to save ourselves from cl)'iTl~. loVe deny part: of our living.

86

\"01.: B. .BODY SPEAKS ITS M [Ntl

A t on e t ime or another. '0;,.-(, have all saeri fie ed parts nf UUF8elvCS so that the rest of us might live, For ex ample:

1 The man \ ... it [g I he raved-in Uppff chest, ~hm rldors bowed. I lit> head sticks out I ike QUHlium1[lu - N_ 'Whal is }le eX]Jres~in J!; if not self-denial? T n$tCl'lri of h~ln2: fi Ilcr1 with hi s npdgJitnes~_ he crushes himself He's. ,i{rllin of his P:>.:dtClll("llt-6I (raid that it rnight control him -if he doesn' t control it,

2.) The WOn1d n ~"h(J~~ pf;I vis is lucked in like that nt n beaten I~CI!f. Her Icg-s :II:C l igh rlvpresserl together: her fanny i s packed away ·und{·mel'lth_ Sht'rna r have a pannch. 'Vith the lower half of her bod~- she's g~tUl'('7ll1g and pus-hing ffJrWar,i while her top 11a11 is Icaninz backward a ~ if pulling O""H'IY Irurr: St1mt>lhing di~taslef ul She ' ... -on't receive and she wnn't g-lYC. S]H~"~ fearful ~h~nlt filling and elllpWing --.).lake me open up," S]lC sevs, '.J dare vnu "

'"" h~n ~um't.>bud y r'U rrres lrJ _"ep. me wi l h 11 unc hed :;llU[ddt'J'"s ora tuckcd-m rui], \'\."C trvto rilUJ uur.whu hl" has lmETlme. T also attempt to mD'I.-C him toward <J~klllg h [TIIself, -<'Vhat is it 1 keep doing' \ Yhat am I not lcttin~ live? And hov .... ' dn~s I hal [eel-my not IeUU1:1!· it live? Am I afraid nl \~ b,,,-l TTl 12'11 t ha Pt)~ri 1 r [ It>L m:" shoulders down?' _1\,ILLI ~;.Jl·h time, rhc t\'Io'U of U"' r.omE'" In Un" arnaz ing dism'l,-el)- that the freedom to be responsive ls fri~htelling to this person. --If I let m.'r shoulders down, I mil V ~xpre5s the ang;1?r 1 rep.! toward Illy Iather, .Ii m.igh1 ffI,-(,U hit him. and tha L w[I!lldn" L ljf' rip-hi lH~.~n~r~ I d. lJ~f.tlmp

c

'what neither I1f ~j~ wants, So I'd better keep on S<l.Cl'iTIelnj!

rnv lHWO to iash out."

"l."'f' choose QiLU manner uf suffering_ The part of us :in whi r'h ""C suffer is thEl't p art in which \\-e ha ndls -i ntensifi ... .d exci ttl tion p nnr l.y _

[ remern lW$ '"mrkiri ~ with a worn ill] who had multiple sclerosis, One. time a burst of feeling rushed du-oug I! her It:>:gs. and sh e sa id, quite. S_P0ll tan P.J!) LiS1 y_ "You knowwlly I crippl~d mJ'~~] P HKi'I uo;:'" w~l!~rH-'Yer 1 VI ent to my mother. she ''\.<HHITt there," Her decision mnv have been uncrmsciuus, bu.t nonetheless she chose nott"o VI.'alk. She ~auI 110 "to her cxpal151-Te impulse to wall.

NpgAtivf"' lnflu("])ces frnm the f'm.'.irnrtm~[li o'l.r:lf',Ii <I~ dampeners on this woman's unFohlln_l;r C';Ii:Ttiatory p<J.tterns. contributing to hpI'" choitc of infnrrrifizntion and subsequent det~vrallon" I ... nter 01] in life when. she felt a r.esurgenCf· I'Jf l he impulse to expand. her n .... n 1~ rP. slrh le~! her abilitv to do Stl

.'

Yet she was rllvSl keen T V" alive. }iJJ depressive people

are alive: lhev urc alive in an. excruciaLi~~g ,".a_v _ Their a1ivt'neStS i~ unbearable t« them 511 m .. -my people rome to work with me who c<lUnol bear the life thev have at the momen L_ an d vet they do im that thev \ .. ~an t mnre lil'Jing. mnre I:' .... citcrncnt. "r:hat a paradox'

Containing 111m:e .of Our Selre»

'Ve HlHy perceive that nur contrar redness is: unde~imbJ e. BUI <IS long as WE' don't krww hnw It" I'rmtlln ourselves fle"ibiy, ,,,-j'!.U' stuck ,.,.Hh our rig;id containers.

'ih~ art of liv1:n1!" our bf1dih: lives is that of t'onLlnu aLly crenting new corrtainers, f!:~-lIh"-ing fOr"f'l1'<;_ U'lwn uu'r Irou n daries arE" (" hr» n i rallv T(, strict ivc, w[' resmnhle isrands. If our houndnrics are underdeveloped, we 'keep pprpetWll1y active in order to avoid drirung iru 0 I rag menjs.

To contain ourselves 1S to emllran·om· liviug-without hugging it in dea rh. Sl~'" of containment <:IH a fullness

'l:lOUR EOD'\' S1> :.AJi.S ITS M:1ND

of reding, a deeIu'111ug and ripl"nin!"; of scli-expf'r-icrn:e Think of a full sturnachror ,,:i hrea~t full of fee]jng_ At what point dfte~ contaimriem. slJJp and self-denial b~Qln? Think of a di~lcllde.d bladder, or a breast engotgcrl ;;: it}. milk. ''\-lu~n ,,~-c reach the {_-d~C' of cxpressi.m_ I he excita tory Ii pex of our fnr-lTliiti¥(' prOCl'5!i, Wj,' hold hack. V~-e wurrt let the nex step happen '\-e \"1. on'· ![i\re LII' Our container. "\-e bUT,.. en. we defend IHjr,,('k('~ \\ e remster

~ ~

as douht arrd pain this prf'n'nting- of the natural ex-

prl':;_~inn of our contained ~ner~jcs_ And if we ('rlfltiuue In lwrrl rm, we ('xperiew!~ an overall diminution (If fe-chug-

i:I nd excitcmen L \ V P t'I) m p ress curse h f's If I rlFa t h _ .

In Lhe nJUT5(, of Illy Ii vin¥: f build tempnrnr:;r bf1umi;:u-ics, I set: transitorv 1 imits for mv self. _A. stiff rl~~ck might bp. the boundary that t':\.pft>~SI'S rnv present fe-cling (If "non' in,"ade ill!": I' m uneasy just now" lL is irnpossihln for me LII lJt:' alive without defen<:~. _ It t", irn possible fOT HIe 1(1 risk interaction \r\ ilhoHi tllhibitmgand Iimiting mvself to 0. great~r or 1t~"s(.'r exton Livinz does make me hurt sometimes Tntcrrcleting with the \vol"1d docs lead to rny (;'n'dlJ'1~ protective barrier- "1 n evperience my' ]l1"r1irm011 inadequacies anrJ \\ ode 1 he-m through inf'\!"ibl bly leaves its ma rk Farh +nhibiturv event forms my character. 1 ike the .gna-d~ in a tree.

But I also wish ttl opf~n up my boundaries, l(1 mo .. hf!ycJTld my inadequ<iejf'S of vesterda- Til bf' Ilpf'n tli my living proceso;; j", to feel m~t \vil1iuglll::'!- 141 keep 011 \'~perienr.ing- And so I .kep-p cumTn~ to the place when" I ask myself. verballv or non-vcrhallv, 110W rnur h 1 urn wi 111ng and a lJk to experience_ Sm~lf 1 i me" 1 find that Tve forgLlHen the key thai iJ111Qld~ m:r old bOlU1(h:rrLe~and 1 d.;;k a locksmith tn hdp me-either to [ashien a new key OF to pick (11 e lock.

sELF-F(HI.MATION TIl !10UGIJ Ul.Nl.AL

q

Yf'L even with the h ~JI of a: Iocksmith. It nnt

em:mg-h that I unlock mvscl f T L-· nnt ~nough hnt T .simpl~~l op (If'n~ iug myself. I need /:I1~1 ~ ttl hegin .leamiJlg how to aHi"rm rnvsel]. Th15: is not bmin I~~rnin(t: it's le>tuning that takes plnre lhrflllghout all the ti~slH'~~ .. .H1d oroans ,mrI fibers oi mv flesh Llearn v .. ith my bod, lu

r . . .

$V'lTC 1I w ] I h HI excitement. to conta in my_- t rea min gs.

!lIT fce+invs. my 111oILo-ln and perccptioI1~ And this is

_ ,... _ r

the th rust of rnv l i h'

THE DECISION TO FORM ONE'S GROUND

The following was trai q-ribed during :1 wt.~f.'kf"nd -errnnar for profeSsioTl<!k a _('Idling situation Participants rW::ld~ rommf!J 11 s. nlLd there " .. B S an pxpliriL d nernpt to weave theory j nl ri praF "e. to <;h rm. [,0,"" I he ~pli It-,HIIS to perceive- itself and nl;J.~~ self-corrcc tiuns. (""i:p('rif',wiIl~ its Illusions and COllllng [I' be mere vIvidly in th pre~f'nL

'VhE'n pt'ur]~ r otn le ID{' for lu·1 p_ "10'" hptllPr indivicluilily OT in .1 grOllp- J usual lj ask them to W~1 partinltv undressed S~) I ha IKlth of us can sec as much nf their 'oml:' lIS possible ",'ltllllUl invading their privarv. ] n most cases they pniiC1lt .1 Ii ff' prnhlem .. and Wf' try tn If' up tlw natLH'p of ~ heir JIe ~i] uil liCIt! with the Iurrn imrl rnnvernerrt [II [h!"H bodv In this Ui~_ F red YlIlunLf'p.fed as a subject to be di.ngn'l"f'd-to see it '!.'Ie could dClluce from Iris bodily stance what hi" problems might be }.- it ha ppe-ned" the· rliogno stu procedu ['f' l urrted in Lo a hea Iin g r recess,

Fred was t~il L b:ig-b ned. and he held himself s Hfly

IDE DECISltlN TU Fonr.-r O~~'5 (:;ROI Nn

He Iooked like a bov whn hadworkecl at muscle-buildinz

. r

to make himself mtn a rnan, a boy who was tryino- tn

• _ e

a:ppmr higger and tlHlghcr than he aCLually 'I"omj, His facial e:\:prP.~!<.lun was that of a sta'lu~-ma5k-lih'_ stonv. IUII"€H'aling He wavered on hi feet like a flagpole ill 1 he breese, ill at 4>a~t'_ unrorn ortablc with his grnurlrL To me he demonstrated three dist:inguishin~ C'haro1(tCTistics: his hnri~hncss_ his inflatedness. <Ina hi:\; st iffness, I was interested to discover how Llw~f'. hodilv characteristics df'llned the life situations Ilf'tr0t himself izite.

Stanley: The first question 1- HI ;-I~bnl!" mvsclf is Hen .. is: this pf'J":=:1Jll grounded? ""huf is his rela UOJ1"hi P ..... 'iln the earth? ~\hat is Lhe quality of this ('"~lmH~c1ion~ Ho",Y much meI'~' !foes this person present as he stands here? Is he dul]. 1 .. h(· vibrant?

'~-hat 15 his shape, emotionally and pn~-~il"tll1y?

How rs be el nbnrlied) HoV' does hI:' j rl h .. bit his flssh. "'hat is his body tr~-ing to sav? "W11;!t kind nf feefulg~ does hI" communicate to y'mJ 'What 1.5 his ]i'l.ing !\t,all2'rnerrt to vou?

Participant: I see more ali1,'f'nf',~.~ ,,1 round his head th;~ n around his: feet and lerrs. 1 ~~~ an caahe.ad.

;p or:.

S"tmdey: Okay. what is the r pel ing- (If this eg-p:he.ad it:lIa!!e? '~1illt feeling j" llli:; person organiLed Hn)l]nd"l Is he organized around hopefulness? ~-\roullfl ,l{'<;p;llr)

Participant 1 feel there is 1:1. sullenrress

Purticipant; a remoteness.

YOU f\ lU)DY SPEAE;S il.TS MIN"O

Stanley; Then J \'I,'01Ua ask him: \"hal is ~h~i sullen look? .• J\.w1 hm ... , i+;: that sullenness related lu hi" ('.gg-h~a~t. to lli" r:e r cbr n Iizcd state? 'Vhy i~ he hnlOrliu~' lNhdt is hf' being: I exper:ieucf' hi .. ''''tl~r nf h~lnF in the wlJrld., ~TJ.d how he. Ieels In rne helps me begin to make ~fmse of him, Hi« J;LlllcJlne;ss tells me how he is groull(h~cl a.nd giVp.s t lues tv why Iie doesn't want ttJ hecnme mure gnmnd('d-wh~· he iStay~ up-in Ilw liead ,,," 101_

Pctrlj~Cl~"LLnt.- 'Could )'UU explain again huvv 111" hc~m to ml'lkc S('l15C'l

Stan I r._Y ,- His sullenness rrmrmu nj,atp.,;; ~ fl:"f'lllig of dis appointment Somewhen- in h b living-. he didn t !!~t something ITlu:iH I that be needed. ,Ve have to find LlUt what WI'I~ unfulfilled in lnm, S<)\V he p'i.pr~~ff". a ~ i lent demand. 1:5 it "tnurh me"? Ix .i, "lrolri me"? 'Yhnt is it 1 'Vith the SU Ilen U ~ ~ I hen' i s <i rpla' it), of rescrvr. of IT ~i g'nation and w i thdrnwa]. causinc a bodily densitv and a

~ - .

shrink lrlf! hom the world.

He has vitalitv, too (ine .. eesihat in his eves. TIH~ PC'l'SOl1. is strong_ J li~ l10d_v j~ nul wenk: its got SUbSl<1IlCf'His: tissue is nut Ijh pudding, Mavbc he's nl1grf!lludc.\ because llf'-~ caught hetW'C'C11 vranting to cmmert , .. ;'I..h ll~ in a ~ il.,) w.ay and avoiding the pnssihle dj_':;.appnHLlTm.·nt n I 'hf.. Jig turned down.

He keeps Ins 5hrllJld~n druwn dose to .him, c'ramprng his: chest "'\-h,~ I does t his do to his Iife :;paCE~J \Yh.rt kind of ff.op.hn~ comes out of this constriction? ,V]la1 kinds. ui lhlJug:hts cmel'ge from this rps.irin(,d nhil itv h) expand~

Participant, \Yh1i! T !!~t as 1 look at him is a kind of statuesq ue qUbI] iL_"

93

Fred.' I don't kUdvr- about "statuesque." I'm st:mding here trying to really be here and at the sa me time Iisteu

Stanl2y-" Okay_ I agree- "' ... -ith you- huL hov. awl' you there) 'You look ttl me <],5 if you're sjtlin~ behind a df'sk in a clussruom-e-ebedient <Ina immobile

Participant; Yon remember. Fni'd.. yesterday I said to you that I thought j nu had diffic.ult)' r~eling_ And yet you'r-e extremelv perc€pl_j ve, YCIU pick ,~p<ln k ind£ nr Lhillgs m ever_" lmd:'f" I" h~ _ Y m J - rc I ~1 C fi r.;;~ .1 riC lo PJ r. k 11 j J un tIring:;. arrd ynu'n> ri~ht alluut thorn . .And I'm woncleri.ng fllmul the cuntm~1 ,

Staniev: How docs his bodily shape expnm that? Porticipant: He'5 withdrawn int» himself'. lIe's standing there Elf: a \ .... atr. h I UWeL

Participant: Is: his bod)T saying that to move is to Iose some of his perceptivene&.'> (If the envirnnment?

St.anley: Or is it ""flying l ha I if l1e mnvex, hE"'~ afrairl he'Il lose his sense of himself?

Parlidpunt,- Tomove is to feel

S'l.a:nler Right_ So he diminishes his movement. He pull;:,; himself orr Lh~ gruulu:l

!lel~~ hnwui€rl t his. How du yll1l thrnk h(' IT1~kt'~ dp.cisiorrs? How do you think he exercises his freedom, his range of porcnrialitiesf

Pa:rtiCipar1t: vVhcn you first stnod up. Fred, it came to mind that you seem to be caus-lu between resirmatinn

• 0 ~.

and defiance, a no tha t \; 'Ip'" h~ 1 rna kes l hf' i rrun n bili tv

Neither ,m~ of lllns~ reallv uel5; ex,[1n~s._..;efL •

_ ~ r·

94 "I'OUR :BOD~ S.PF-:AH'.S ITS :<rmm

SlanltT- That's irnpnr~"Tlt, He~~ 1hing th~ impasse.

Perticipant: Fred.] was W.1h\.J ng- that when P~Ol)l(' art'spearulg to VOU. -"'0111'" eyes ~eTTI to pull b.~d . .I.1tf' !>lit" narrow !'I.E; if ~'(1LJ were pee:ring from bf'.hhUci a thi .. k wall

Stanley: Okay_ that's ennu~11 negati\-il~ v Y ou carl't tlppreeiate a ]lE"I",",on by stay-jIl~ only "ill! what's wrnn~ See jf you can .liaccvcr 'i'\.I!<:1 L ~ positive i::I1.uu1 him.

Participant: The b.ld~v iswell pnj}wrlwned

Stonlev: l~ his mind ,,\,t~l ~ "p:ropOTtirm~d?

Participan.t: Sort ~Ir a courag-e_

Stanley: Is: he! brave in ]1]5 pf'rc,"p' tons) PUTt icipant. Th{,TC \ a. r-f'-r!i:l rn integrity_ Participant: A direr [rH'!,S in the eves.

Stemler. Yes, my fC'Clillf!,' is tll <:I I thi'S man has ande('i) rtmUle dccisinns of directness. He has made l he derision h.l IJC truthf u 1. and lhis fIe.C.: i S10]"1 is ~_"prc~ sed i.n lris watchtow f'r "lance aud hv his. 5;Lll1ennC:5~. which he doesn't l rv te hide.

Partir:ipanl: T] II: right won3 seems to be ~lImewhf'1"eherween im€wity and selJ-sllffidcllcr H'! doesn't need 10 take from Iinybodye1s~ 1.1 ~ m~iutai~ hi~ ,1"''' n thinz,

Fred: \Vhrn I was CJ teen-agel" ~ rlecided there WHP. two way:s of being big_ One l\ as h I beat ~-ery h~l~y f'Is{'" do\\'n-

S tan ley: F 1'00, are VO U aware ho\\ ~HlU' face was 1\1 ~ l

gei>tllrin~_) -

Fred: -~md 1 decided it'5 not right to t.ry to b{'."Il eyer)' hndv dse dnwn

Slrmlcy: "'hai: arcvou mO"'I;.Clnl!; toward 1

fired:: I'm not feeling a~ re,~lgued_ I r~] softer, aud I feel a trernbling in my body. T feel T"m nul ~lmgglinB 'l;v:ilh mvself to hear what you say without crinJllng I rom the impart of it_ ] ffOell ran h-l" ~'Pp.u to TI in spite of the Iact thHf it\ jiruin!l1 o hurt

Participant: His eyes are less piercing.

Sf:an!.er_ How dnes t hat les"-pie'-f'trL!'r quahL)" Ieel, to yon, Frcd? How arc vou cxpcr+eneing it?

Ered: 1\fo]["(' sensation U1 my coves. arrd rn \T mU1l1 h opens a bit mnre.

SltmieY, Is thi. s b{'1n~ vulnerable?

.Pf'&1~ I" m not sure.

[ feel a kind [If delicious hu-

mili(ltH)n_ The-n t he sh.lme nJ Hw df'licim~snes.fi. In mv eyes I'm p..-oud ~~.ncl. sad,

Stanley. lour expression looks like "Don't hurt me." Fred: I'm nut sure what's going to happen from inside me I botb \'I!O;Iul i.1 i:wd dun'~ lir,"anL i.l_

Participant: L hear a rna d yr.lik~ qlJlali t-y in hisvoice, Stan ley- He dr_~esn - t reu lIy <'IpprCC1('1l e hi", uw JI "typ.ngth_ rod. sa v ~ hal 11.f' has sacriticcd some of it m unJeD" 10 prolf;ct him,;:;l f <lgain~t the- possibility of getting hurt That '" the wa lcl]fowcr and 1he pTc"TCing eyes.

Fred: That's what rye been reaching for Kat to be afraid.

qfi

Stanley: Try hitting L] IC bed. Breathe more with ytiUr f:h~'l:. Every hit [If assert ilT!}]JeSS I J Int rou OlJllow to emerrrn

i~ you, You can be a:; <-t 55C.r1i"1; e a~ you want to b

Fred: [Slo .... ly crumples to the iElOOT SlUJ. starts to l,"m.g.h .. l

Stanlev" \~T}I~ifs tunny)

Partici pt~ nJ .. Hi ~ wa tch tower fina 11 y colla ps~d.. and not! ling tragiL happenf';{. Tf vcu' rf' thrlll king .;.nrncthin:eterrible i~ going to happen. and it dnssn't, then vou laugh.

Fred .. ' [Starts torry" ,

Part£r'iprmt That whole ~t'~l ucnce was one of the most unusual thmgs I've f>vcr seen .. H~l1y. FrPfL 11 bczan with ~lrfi]JT statement that Lhere are t~'o wavs of he'ina big .. You. told us 1.)11.(' way: bent evervhodv else dOWIJ nul ynu. never I!ol around 1.; the altf>rnH-hY(' to that, WhL( h is: , 'T h c.v~Te u at genu g to heat me • iuwn .. And ! k~ t '.s th e defense Ihf:ll you h,H{' adopted ..

Stnnley." I also ~LlW a wil lingness tr, l~F' defenseless. to let your tautness slacken, to ~Vf' up furm, in Iear n to tru~t ..... 'Vhat ynu were ronning at 111I~ moment, tn Ipt your.. ~elf take a different !'l~ n nee in l he 'world.

To 1 earn is to let go (I f the trrnn p~i up perform I ng that rumcs ou] nf ;:our Hpllringil1g_ To ICHrn is to accept an experience which you han nol _y(!t coordinated and ~ynthesil .. erl-t:o accept this experience> withou l resllding I o models of 110w to perform In the. real HI uf fccliug. hehavior i_~ invented rather Lh<lJl imitated.

F red. as d8SccTtiveness becomes mo re a vaila ble tfl you., ylHl'll begin to integrAt(, and shape these fecling5.

and you'll find expression for them. They'll gIve .rou fonn.

Fred: It's iustth<11 I'm aluof, shy. I ho[o. back. A~ a therapist ill l."·ork et allowing myself to feel my patient's pam without having to rush in and stoJi iLWe had some guests over, and their little twn- .. yp.ar-olri was knflded d"wn by our dug .. The hE%l.d hll Ihe cnncretc, am! if )TJiU liYe in the ci~y you knnw Wh~ll thnt fcds like, find n,y brain ..... a s jane d Hnd I re a Ii zcd what I'd been fii!.!;h tin g ag<tinsL "Vhn w~nto,; to feel someone else's pain?

S~anle'Y" Say that again ..

Fred: ,"Yho wants to feel someone else spain: 1 feel Tn)" pam, That's okay, because 1 Can ~~'cepL It as rnine ~nd (10 'something a hou ~ 1 L

Stanley." Many of IJ s f'<iI n'I d iff el'e! J I i lite bet ""'"~n our OWl] ]pain and the p1iir'l fell by tho other members of our family .. li\-AS this true for you:

F,..eiJ: ~y mother wi:!" depressed. She tricrl to live llirrmgh me .. She whirred and .nugw-d and '!"vas: clrronir.a.Hy dissatisfied, I did evel')1:hing to hep 'H~'ay rrom her, You know that scene in The <;radual(~ at I bt' In"f!Hk fast fa ble, where: he .... rea Jill ~ 1 he ~'f' rea I bo,,=)

Stanley .. ' Ok."ly_ you were shaped bv your mother's pain. Bul, '''''ha.t was :"OUT own lenilingtow.ard "our own wish.'

Fred: T wanted to be what she wanted me t~j be .. Sto:nky." Did yon ever expelience this a~ pairif ul'

Fred." I did.

Stanley." How ebnut right nm .... !

98 YOUR BODY SPEA.K~ ITS MIND

rrcd: I drm't thiuk I wan to feel .it,

ParticipmU; 1\laybe I'm caught in my ~wmrroif'~'h~ '11, hut] saw 01 lot uf masochism there, I saw il in the (TUm. blinD

StaTzle)" ''''hat happened here may have Iooked like crumhling. but 11 was not. I le ~avc ill. whirh is not a c:ontlps:e And it iSIJ't masnch ism: it 1$11.' L self-dcfea l 111[. Gh-ing lip Fnrrn is not \'tallu\',il1g in LllI'~ rain and ~u.ffe.ring and m;iking a Iiff' I'll of it. Fred al lowcd 11lm~cU in become unorganiz.ed. and out of thiJo: i';lm~ a 11"'\.., Iorm. a new -,.;elf-a.sserti\·pncs~_ He never «ollnpsed like .. house of CI'I rfls

A Fer. 1m who can jo;n'c love and rrn·ive Iove is "'licXF.omding and seIf-Hffirming. ,\YhcTl Fred begarl r_l experu:o.l1tc that his loving wa n't received ;Fuu:l that Iris mothnr's lnvi.rt!=f was conditional, he Inrrned his watch tnwcr, his remoteness aUf! sullenness.

Fred: Yeah. 1. '\"[15 damned if I did anddamnod :if I didn"t_ I fplllr.Jpped l I I leved her. J became her slave And if 1 a H n wed her tu love me _ I 1, u..,t mv idenii L V A 11 I could. do was pull awav and gn "tiff-hidp nw need nnrl ward hers off \Vhcn I fell Lin the nOOT 1 C"ou-ld actually feel that stifIJPs'5 breakm![ up. And all (If a sudden T st .... rted feelIn!! warm w 11 hout feeling "COIr-cd. I ~(>1l mv-

elf ha-,;.illg u shape without being ~I iff.

THE UNCHANGING BODY

l\.'1:a:ny people say that the body doesn't change, tha], it just gnl\."" ulder ~lany people feel t hut l he_\ cannot changc, Others fed [hH l Lhp.~' don't know hOl'''_ SLill others refuse to change, The i ria hilit \' 01 the unwi 11 iug ness to rhangfl- permits. a multipl i~ it y of !lossibilitics to remain U11liverl

Roberta was one- of a ~rnup of people tryiJlg 10 discover how their unli .. cd desires interrelated with their leal" of d)'ing_ "ihf>' complai.m?d that ~hp never got whnt sne "ranted. which W." ... to 111E! loved bu ,11'i(j Ie I bf> independent and free. She wuld Hot sort out how' 0 hr II'H"d and still be her own P erson This 1 f' h Jw r Ion ely

Sbe considered herself smartv srnarter than most men, and ... he ch:limet:l tn 11e misunderstood hy l hem. She a Iso claimed that men trea !.ed her as a sex object- ji nd yet rule dressed and acted pnJVoc8t]~,ph

Roberta was about five feet I1v~. dark-haired and trim. Her hones were of moderate size <-lTul ~he had good muscular tnne. She tended to be stoop-shouldered. with

contractions in "her chest and throat, and. had a perruanent pout pIa nloo on ill er puss, The poutwa s le$1 immlly to her self ~'r]dulgence, w]-Jile herCilll1:SlIktedness mdicared her diminished willingne:'>s to Iovf:ttnd to be loved. Shepresented aqua Hty of Th]ill"dite .. ~ ill every-thing she diid,

Stanley: ""bat's goi r!~ on with you. Hobert:n,? Roberta: llust:.feel dead.

Stanley: You h;tn'JfiL't looked "., ... 11. either yeslerfl a y OJ' today--

Roberta: I feel good:in the mf1rniug. A lot o[ shit 115 ponringnul

SifJnler: AS" if you were cxploding_ And yet you look to me more as if _VUl] Tr'C shrinking..

Roberta.: Thar::: what h3pp~"ed last night.w.ith a hi end of mi rie. I shrank aw i;l vfrom him. 1 lUU ld n 't 1 et Il1vselI-

Stanley· - "wouldn't' rn IheT than "cou1du·t ., Robe(i.a: Veah, I wouldn't .. " . Anyvnnr. later on Ia~! night, T had. this rln'i.lnl a b.1L1l Lwo men m~ a mnmturinLop. They were looking down .,u a woman ,,, h.n was fall~ng into quicksand and si:nking. It was almost like a naval buria 1. watclrirlg ln-r sink

Stanley: \,Vhat kinds I1f feelings did vrru have along with (hall

TIllE UNCHANGING BODY

Roberta; There was .a kind. or hopeless quality to it. Like the guys on. the maunraintop ... .ere _ . _ lUlpersonal.

Stanley.: \'\- as it daustrophnhit, seH-slhrinking-2 Roberffl: Y~terdOir was frightening.

Stunkr \Vhal was frightening about it? \Vhat was the. sh ape of that f:nght~

Rabel"tf1: 'VVe Il, it started o.H ~"" hen VflU were doing_,.. OIU" theories alld. stuff. 1 was gelting angry hf'n"u~t:' yOUWf':re talk; ng too I as L

Stan ley: T oo f!:list?

Rober-ta: It was almost as ifvou didn't want. anvone else to interact.T felt slighted b;calJ~e th~n" Wf'H' aio~ of things ~ wanted 1 (I rs..lIY - .. 0\ n d ] g:oti ntn m J feelin I'l; of beinf[ wurth r ess,

Stanley; Is that Iike not heing recognized? like being srnalf?

R'obe:rfa; To rncthcv'rc the same thing.

Stanley: Do you w.m ~ to say somethin g N bout recling unrf"n~gn 17':cd t

Roberta: Oh, like last Jlight ] "V'Hi think]ngfn<tt I wouldn't be fef'lin~ 1his: ' .... 'fly, J wouldn't be so up~ct except Ior ]j~tenlrJg to thi~ tremendous urge ill me 00 be recogni v: f!rl .. andknov .. ing that I could uever get enough. And ,sn i1"s ,~ vicious circle.There i!> a vicious q ualit.y tn it,

Stanlev: Why do yuu usc that adjective?

Boberta: That's what I Iep.J iL i~ at Ume~. I eX]lerience jt as that.

10':2 Stanlc)!: As vicio us.

Roberta: Yeah.

Stanley: How does vicious feeV Wh.."lt's the Iurm, th1: d:l A pc af vicirrus?

Roberta: There's a s(J.I;u~e.,jn~ .%:mley: Squep""iu~ is vicious? Roberta: It can be vicmus

Sttlnley. Yes, H .IU"! 00. But you haven't reallv de-

:o;r. r.i bed your tlWIlI stylI: of TIdou.~~e$O<; yet .

RQb~rl(L: It's a feeling of . . . actuallv r:loil"'lg harm lo .ano1ther P ersen, The en] o~rmen t ilf L t ; focusing 111ysel f to do mina te Fe-a!Jlc

Sianie1'.:

puwer? RobRJtO· It's Iike snrnetimes when I screw. I hold back It m ales me I eel ~ trun g. hard, ~o 11 ~h,

StanleY: That's \,klous? ][ fhink hoMuJ.g back can be very plea sura ble, Till fact, (J]J e of our grea test suurres [If p1cusure i" that 'we: can ~ay. "Hold it. I want more- I'm not yet Ff'lo"ldy to let mys.el r ~o here."

'\i"'hat were ~'OlJ Lt>lling vourself In that dream?

R.obe~f.a: rm not sure. C:sua Ily my dreams are dearthe YT5m':l1 scnsatiensvthe physical sen sations , But ~ his tim e there wa 5 alan d of daa thl y Ita U:i:C over the w hole Lbing,

Stanley: You could see yourself?

Bobers«: No.:£ didn't J"Coognize anybody I was seeing

the· two men on fhe mOl n1 Laiutfllp. and the woman in the quicksand was g"(lin~ down J was, somewhere else.

SlanlelC: "ViI'hCl' s the ga I in the qu icksa nd? Could you act the drov'i'ni]]gp!'r~ n-beher bocli:r ~ . . . ",'V hat" s thp exp-erience of that pillr'l. of ylm1i'~eU2

Robe.rta; I don't kriow, hu l

S(Muey _ Hoherta. what are you n-ying abfmt:

Roberta: Part of me w<Jfl1l\i tn hvf'--

Stanlev: -@nd J1<1rt 0 f '\ 'OU wonts to d l't'?

.Roberta: rill trvmg to keep 1:1 ny soun d from com; 11 g out.

/S'lanler_' Do) ou ff'f'l that anybody cares?

Roberta: I dent care if "they (;;1 re 1 m tong111 • It

reI L gLWrl tn say that,

"~'l(mbT' [ wnnd 1"1' il it· s true. though Became' ill t.' minute I began to p •• v ;~tI1~rlLinn lu lL1n, _your whole' attitude changed, You became softer, You ~IOP1!€d holding: voursel f ~~ ~ I ighnj. You expanded Mavbe )"ev11 l'·lU~ ..;;!~ much th at yon ("<In' t hear Lll:i~ pain 0 r it I\ Iavbe you c.;n rP Lnr I much.

Roberta. you S<:Iv you w.m1 rnnre fr~ed.om, Well. you've got a r~uulaJll~ntal choice to make- II r hnice iliat yuu hHVe. 10 make consciouslv. about 110"'- yuuTre guing to res-pond to yuurs.t:!Lt i rl order ~ (I lw rreoe- of vour stereot}'pcs. You CilI1 take on the trilditionfll perini nf view that you·ve been 001'11 in OTigi:nai sin, the pOlnL of yip.1,c"i, that dem snds iha t you [I mstrict vourself, ilia t you h [J lcl the bmly in hrrwlag~_ .. md ~lP.ll:V your sensual 'impulses. all' you urn defmf' y'm r~eH as a tender animal lull of Iusti

104 YOl.!R BODY SPEAKS ITS MIND ness and. light. Either you confine YOL1hClf in such, way us to Ilf':rpetuate the form and Ieel i IIgs of bell!g- OU!{h. hard, small and [Uri ured, or yo IJ respond to y nu rsolf as someone who want la'dug and (~Hring.

\\"11y dun I ~·ou lie dnwrt, Iloberta, and "'IX' if '{OH can Iocate R here it is lhal you're gra.51lin~ . -ourself. Put your hand on that plan· and see if loon feel anvlhinoAnd even if yrm dum-! fed EmyllHng_ vou can expf.nC'll~ Lhe deadness. What's its fnrrn? Recognize lhal yOU ha\·c chosen not tn luC' responsive in that piac~. t hat }~ou've allowed your form tobe f n m~l] there

This choke is not something 1" he overcome.Tt is not :"ometIung I~j ht" _gotten rid uf. like a Flecp. Ilf ~HhVi~ It's your life experience H\ nnl. r~n ynu feel the form OI the em-ered you_ the hardened, rrlllffT~d WloU"

Roberta' softl y 1 I c 11 I)O"C 10m uffle m yse If

Stanlev: \'\" here. Hob crta? J row?

Robe:ri(l..- The bad of mv neck.

,c,,·/a.nlex: PI~ L J'our hand here. Sa':ir ·'1 ,. Boberta: 1. I.. . Rut r don't Ieel anrthing. Stan.ley: ~nt even the L l~htnC5'S? \\to1..Lld vuu choose .nut 10 ~o any fm·ther. not til respond?';

Raber-I.Q;

s.._·H{ •

. '

r choll!>1:' 110t to go d ny further.

"-hat IeelmQ"doc.s that J1.'I\'1.: or vou?

~ ~

Roberta: H gi ves me the fee 11 ng of lea t:

Stanler: Can.) nu respond to rour fear? Can vow let it speak to you WiUJORt ooing overwhelmed bJ it?-

Roberta: Yes .... I'm feeling more relaxed now.

T

\'Vhen I started ] J ste ning, I had <l vcry s'lnmg Iee ling of leU:il1g go.

Stoniev, or what?

Roberta: r..I;.' net!rl to be tough.

Stonier: Ynu d105C to receive sorncthin g-.

Robt~rta: Yeah. T IeJ l that 1 was dra,,,jng s.omct],lng in and I didn't choose tn hlock it [JUt. It wa .. a verv plensur a blc sensation ~ kttin~ ~LL letting in.

Stanle]," 1Yhal \'\t>I'P ruu Ictt~n~irJ:l

Roberta.'· Mvself, fIIle. 1.\ Ty €'xc.iteruent. T , ... as aware of something hapJlf'ning in n~y rhest and m~' stomach, and I f ned ~(I get in touch "j 111 that. I ell ese tr I let go of t I. vi lp <I few tilings. and now I'm ft'-dlug vuy down-to-earth and relaxed. Tm ~[Jing to have tEl let that p,u'" of me

orne nul.

Stanlnr• ':Vhi:l L part is that?

Roberta: The part that 1 [ust wouldn I: eyer let Oul. You 1..110".... like caring. 'I" nm SE'e that I've gIlt lu take the responsibilitv 1m, Ietting mc live a different liff'--1O liv(' myself differently. To learn from m)" own u:rg;c:s.

AL TERNATIVES TO INTROSPECTION

ALTERNATIVES TO INTROSPECTION

I look around me and L see that everything has become som.ething. F verything has undergtllu' formation _ In iute:racung with the world. cyeryLhing has become more than it Sla. rted out n s,

A lot or fnmling goe' ~m outside the purviex v of s,ellawareness. r think of myseH one way_ aud then I discover that Fm quite something else---and this happens whether 1 an n cnrrsrious of my self-Jormuu~ UI" unconscio-us of my self-form iog. whether] kno,",ringly !lartidpate in becom in g someone ur unknow i ngly pa T1 i ripate in it. Even when I am activ~l_\ involved in shapin~ myself- J may sudden ly realizr thH1 T ley. I've been formed 1 I'm me! [am. the lll1111ue expression .r the wlmlf> of my life. the particuler quality that has emerged and estabHshed rtsslf as me

'Wlum I wor k ~ Ith ill pcrson_ I keep til dose eye on What is emerging in tl".rms of what I,.. or she ;'5 presently Forming-. It's the lind jjf luflking that leads me to interrupt and say_ ".o!ue you aware of wh a t you look like? Do

1LO

YOUR HODY s''PEA.lLS ITS ,'lUND

~'OU experienre what you-re dlJin#! to yourself? Do vou realize ~h~1t YOUI neck. }Ilur chest. your pelvis luu;c beguu 10 move and. that yuu 11m" have another rhythm?" In Q S,('HSe. the pf'fSmr is learning ill be au i:lrust On!':' man I worked win] became a poel. e,,·en I hflllllh he never wrote H line He came to ex!wrip.nce fJnd perceive thf> w~lr1d <'15'" poet. He began to speak poetT)', to Iive the Form of a poet

11any times people undergo formative c.h;ul~(.'S ami they're 5.u ke~nl~' interested ill their pf'rfl Tmallf:C or i n the ,p.rtIuLimml content of their var'inus rcncti ems that tllt'V miss what their fnr.r1'l has f.)m(' to be, They don't really ex perience that Ih~"ir shoulders hay€ let d';\'I,'CL Ill .. r the" mille ml~"I)edcdly ,ITTIwvn more vn:u"efuL more coordi

~ ib- - ~

na It>r]_ more radian L that I heiT self has enlarged and 11,,11

thev are literally someone else. The) !f!J1ore "\;vj,u the v have hertlrne And so they J..:ef'.p on til Ikm:lt m the vernarular 'II" pllUcrns that bf']lln~ 10 the past: "M~T mother i_~ b lLhf!ring me.' "1 r.mTf be happv" "J can't InJ_ .... 1 rn~' I!nmnd."

TIH~ grf~fll majorrtv of peoplp InlIulvt.'t1 in thcrapv-eand in P.(J ~lt:;'ltiou-Vl-.mL LII know Thcv want to know who Lhey ar'e, how tllP.)' rdutc to thcm~el ..... es, hll\\ they act and react. They ..... -an t to create a coguiti .. 'e CnrulecGtm between \'\,>}lil1l is O"uinD" on now and ""hi:! I has IT~ ne

01 e ,.,

on ll1 the past 1'1 rld what may go nn in the fu ture But I'm

not all that interested Ul whether nr not people know "11aL interests me is how lhp.y are OT arc not experiencU-lg who they are becoming-bow they are or <Ire no! experiencing wha l i.\; funning

r enCCmIi3.gt:' expression. I encouTilgP. ppoplc to let their excitatory proC"csse.s speak I Hsk them to fed themselves and tn moyc differ-ent parL" of themselves. Task

ill

them 0 feel what emerges when l.iley touch rhemselves and when li t.ouch them, Lask people ui Ieel their hreathing as it is, and then sumetirnes T ask them to slow it dnvrn or speed it up, 'Vilh certain people I ask. that they act ggr~-ss.ivel~: tha.t they stamp. hit. sb.,l:;:p, kick, shout ~o that thev r an observe their rage and decide "\1\ hether to .ruppnrt it -IX Ite rid of it_ In ('s~cm·~_ 1 ask people 10 fI)' new forms, to hold ttwir bodies amI to u~e themselves in unaccustcmed wavs

The content "of n per~I)f1'~ understanding is important. hut La me it's nowhere near as impomml :is a per- 5On1s being ahle to experience IhE' Iorming of his uwn attitudes. his uwn urges_ his nwrt expressicus-e-the myriad idiesvnrrasies fir being himself in the world, A;'a u"l!"refo~ my work lltlemp ~ in initia e ., series flf unfumlhar ~xperiences which "" ill enable that person to teach himself abnu L his excitement anrl its rhythms->'exper:iem:cs Whlr:h , .. ill ena ble him to feel ,) nd perceive how he contains himf:if'lf and extends himself, hm he relates to the known n ml to the un known, 110"\"'\- he esta b li$he~ boundaries and givc~ up Imundaries. how h€ re! eases old form an d creates new form

"le expi'lnd am] !:onlracL This pulsatory pror:ess is the ~tory of how \'I'C'- form Dllr'w·h'es. the history of (lUT iTIlag~ and identitv, Our dream docs nut l1l;Ive ht be searched for inside H Fe'lents itself without ,JUT Dnnrnmging around in OUT psvcholngica I graveyard TI1C drl"i:lTn f!Xpands upon us. in to us. 11k e a wa ve s.welling forth from Lhp OC~ It engages us phy5.ic<1l1_' and cogniti,'c1y. seeking

1;'OUR BODY SPEA.KS ITS M:"Il"<ln

not interpretation hut further IDldemanding tl1roU!'!;}1 self-reflection and Ll1rOllgh expressirHl in the social world nf friends and Iovers, One soon IMr:l"lt\ that one's Iorrnino

b has a thousand tongues

Inten si fyi ng the e:.'''11a n ~venes5 and. the t hru .. i of our excitement paints a llery- different picturp from t1lrnin!r hack on cur self. 1,Y e let Ol.U· inside become the outside 'Ve let our i>xri ernent surface. In response. the tllrn.stinglj".·o:r1d lln-agirmtes us: its exterior becomes nul' interior ill a dance uf alternating _.urfacc~ It 1:; a dynamic process. ~ prnr:ess of forming rat her than pedllonmg. l! -process of coopcrati:ug rather than competing, a pNn::ess of exywri. encing rather than a C01l9t.nH efforHoV'.-.rrd intro~pfftion.

EXPERIENCING

Our formative process is mother In our ~I'lper-j('ndn~. just as pxperjellce ~iTC~ farming. Experience directly exPC-€SM75 three aspects 0 our Iormative prn.r.ess: 1 Idle "Immtit:!' of excitation ,'Ie an: I'IhJe lu !-onf~lIn arrd release, ( ... ) the q ua Eti~ uf this excitement (ham or gentle. weak or strong). and (3) the rhythmicity of [lUX fixatement l its ebb and now. it~ C{mLrHf:l1nJ!_ flnd exp<:lnrling.l,

V'le are most J!:Jobt'lLUy excited when we ore in the wnrfrl \, ith little buundarv-e-when we're immersed

J

in the expansive pre-personal) and expresqye pnst-

personal phase ... of our formative o;,eqIa:~mce. Rut in these phases wc have tilt" lea_ t . ense of experience, It IS not until lye contain our excitement that we gam the selffeeling and {he self-perception that Jl'uund uut our ~p:1I I!X]lerieru-ing. In fornllng a cnnta iner, we Il iter and dinri n i sh 0111' connectedness wi tn the ex c i ta10ry matrix. enhancing OuI jm~h-iduation. As we draw into ourselves, We come to know 'more t:I bon t what is. going on rela ti ve to U:S, both outside and inside.\"Ve create a distance

"1 4

TDUD BODY SPP.A. S TS Jl.Urrro

'.-,,11 len pernri b Ll ~ to reflect. to CfUif:epf.u."l li zc our ."e I vel; and our wurlri. \iVc are then m 1'1 position to cnnnert even mure luscionslv , .. --ilb curr surround,

The cmbodyrn{g ur p.~citution 'makes self-aware f'xpen encers of u.;_ elln ninmen t stim uta If'" n u r deveh I pment as expp.d~nccrs. In our unbnunrlf'1li phases we are not thE" f' "'-PCr1('ll{,Cl"S<. we' f€' lhf' ex peri en rc \ Y c don' l perceiue _ we are. 1 here is Ill' n~nC(t;l;(' I

As children, we (~J(preS5 excitement 1I'npul!;h-dy Then. as WI" start ILl de v clop boundaries iHlI~ he"( orne ca pable uf nm ltl ining CJlIT excitation. w~ heg] n to expeTlence: "{Tere urn I. and t1wn~ i" ~ h~ not-I ,< "This is I[\\sel f. ~nd that is the no t·rnr"'f!: If -- "Here is mv world, imrl there ;'5 the outer \\'IIr1d_:' Our sense nf rfula nr i rill and discriminatiup ;-md OCUSillg i's formed i n I he cmlJody::illg of nur excitement.

_ nOL-I ~ -

1 _. OtJl-P[ ...

J - - world ~.

,i:

./

I

Cnrrtinual immersion docs not make us aware ill uUT ex peri en ct:'-, nur does it enable us to utilize it III the 011-

going process ot f~~rmirlg otJ~'''f!lvf'S Those of tIS who claim to be totallv involved do not fuHy ~xp~j!'n('~ tlret invnlvcment until ",-".'C he-gin to pull back- .md fl;'flcf-t_ Our f'rnbodirnent sets bOlmds. creates distinctions I, n bodv, p.xperience the nnt-L become 'intimate with it. This intimi:l(" rill' [ and nul] Inrrns 1:1 II!:"\-"> L a new entlrv hich makes !bt' former T "lfId nut-T kn (!wilh le.

We have no hum: n voice , ... -iiliout our bodv ;i~ <:l sounding box In the same "'<1Y. without a bodv we do DQt resnnato with experience Each of us is a uniquely embodied field of oscillating excitation wlrich resonates in the field of the bios phere. The e:>i perienc E" of imrn er sinn is that I)E resonating ""'ill! lhf' hasic p:'''-LlelTlFfll uf tiff' and \,·jdl orher bodlh- r rentures in this more inr luslvc field.

111£: different rrequencie.s of uu r bodilv res()natin~ gin· rise Lu Llll'> difff'ff'TlI .. Irati! .r I ur ] \\'11 I("h mil ke sel f refleclrun possi hle, ,\Vc contain tlte pulsating and streaming excitement of that with which we 'have been able to resonate directlv. Our f'1!nWillillg l:lH\_l""'_'~ lJt; trJ absorb and digesl 'he expNiem c uf our immersion .-\11d then we ~o out agu in, 'V'C undo our roles and linages. our boundFH1C'S. "-e stretch our Iimits. <hrink our distances, and 1'12- sound with the '" T ~r] d,

Then. once rnure \\1-' hP.t,ome willing- til dirni"i~h our connectedness fJ1II1 In re Form There 18 the irnrnediiH:y uf irrvulvernerrt, then the diminution of connection. and then re-formed connectedness, This is. the puIs a o~ OngOilil.gnesS of nUL- Inrmativ e pr~n::e-ss- in \\ hich ,H' reach to tIlf' surround and dra\~ back. "-I::" sieep ourselves in ()~r (·n v rrurrmerrt ; tj,ef'l "'H~ -epnrate out- nssirnilarc . unrl reflect on what has tnken place. This is how we nourish ourselves. how we deepen and broaden our experiencing

116

YOUR BODl: SPEAK'S rr~ MIl'in

Our Lnner Sea

Onr:e: -n~ ing inlo San Francisco over the alt flats near Sun Jose. I looked down and suddenly saw how a supersaturated solution hegi.ns to Iorm a crystal I saw a '(;1)-5- tallizing field in the \ ater. a field that had reac IP.tl its Iimits Ilf p'xp".I[1~iori and wes hFgiuning hi £1"1 uI' borders liIJnd maintain itself, l\do'!;cnng 1i\-.lth the tide, re...;:.onatin.g harmoniously .. ,<ithin the water, i.t resembled a spider's web in the breeze And I understnod, ex:perientiall~. ho\·\t we all fire in Lhewnrld _ and how \~ f'.: aU a,r~ the world

The human b€oing is, a small sea of strearnings in the great ocean nf t':xr-it ... tinn. The $treamin~.., uf f'Bill small sea present a particular ["esonatiJ1l~ pattern-e- r rather. (1 Jlflrtic;ul ar' combination of resonating pattcrn5. snpenl1lposed one on top of another like a stack of grids. I' ill li ke the crvstallin€ pattern in the sal \.,,'aLf'r~ the \'\ orld and J

" '

oscillate in unison at j-prtOfI,n frelluem~ie-s- A'Ilri m~ reso-

nating pat lem is capable of ccntracting itself A5 T ~-oTltract myself. I slow down part of my oscillating fiddThis slowing-down forms structure, boundaries. Inr COIl'taining and expressin g LtD f' ~ei;l lh a L ~ ~ rrle._

MJ{ eJl..jJf'rienceo,;-rny {('Clings. fhoughts., and aetin115 ----are derived from the g-eornctrv of mv yibrating. pulsating field. :\Ofy bodily geDmetry determines how it L5 that I resonate. M) ~xp~E"ience i .. mil l inl..em"e \'111wl"':> my fieM oscillate, mUl'ol ,-igorousj ~ •. Think again of the Im man nun" It reson ates in the head, the chest, the (I h dome:n. arid even throughout the entire body, '\bere,-cr it resenates. one is intensely aware,

EXP EIUENCJ:NG

111e deep-I'noted eclings that. arise fFum p.xperienL"f'.-S of being pu} satory and strea nun g cun t rast wi th fffi.:>lings such as a nnovence, Itchiness, titTllation. and localized

~

sensatinn, which come frnm experiences of simpleexci

tatien. Flirtatiousness- and cheerfulness, [ealousy and prideful hurt <ire peripheral. compared with the pulsatory quality of 10 .. "(' and joy. rage and wiet \"h have <ill seen til use w llOSC tears were a s h a I low a ttem pt to pa.~ for r:r:ying or 1; .. rhose appare.n.t !:Inger .. "ire recognized as a temper tantrum. Superficial feelings flo not involve the whole pen;on. only the externa 1 layers. The d.iffp.l'enc.e between excitatory f~Iings and pulsatory fFeling~ 15 the diffcrenc,e between a Hidering flam!" Hnd deep, hot coals

111e 1 evels of OUT e)llH"ri en cc COITe late wi th how thoroughly and prntoundly V\-"'C feel our excitaunn. At the deepest Level, nnr CA'"PCri~Uce is direct. and irnrnediate, At a less profound Ievel, we juterpret Ot1'1'" experience in the form of a roChet}1)es- s rm ho ls, and dream.'; A L a surface level. we interpret our experience as Sf'rto;atlOns and thoughts.

The tendency in our cuhure, unfcrtunatclv, is not to encflur.a,ge the multi-level f'xpenence of excitation. Tnsteari, we create cenditiuns -in which the forming and unforrning of excitemenl is restricted tn the level of the skin. the brain. the sex or~s. ,\Ve: experjence the worfd with perrphernl pleasure rather t han deep satisfaction. with vexati on rath er than hel:! rt felt anger.

i.\'1ost of us are ahle !1J let go of surface involvements, but we hHY~ difficulty letting go to the extent that

YOL'R BODY SP'Ii!o\Ii:S ITS M;[N.D

we begin tnexperience deeper Ievels of our uwrt h(Joies and I he bodies of others. \Vf'· mCl:- undf'r~l;!fn:l cUgTIilively that. at an levels, Lhf' lUll0rrning- of l,ur boundari-« is necH5sary for I"lxpand iT1~ IJUr experience. but il still isn't eas;' 10 let gu\Ve experience our selues most inLE'mei}" In a contained stage. And individually and ("I] Ltumllv, we lmve generated a pn \'1, f!rfn] f eOl r (1 f gi v i ng up the continual SIelf-e"p~rif'nc~ uf cQn I ='I inmcnt_ such that we don't dare tu llpFn OUl- living to levels of csxperif'nce that '!Af' knuw nothinz about,

.!Z>

As ill Ii stcn to people> s experi ences . .1 h ear to \\ hal all

atrneious extent we tearh (')ur~'?1\if'R 1.0 den.,. and even de llOunC€ our UWIJ fles}, find bloorl-th(''feby di~hin~ C01:111ef"t iun with the depth of rrur forma tiveness. Mn::.l ~ .f us form our lives snperficiallv. nllilt> Lhf' fm·mJn:!!" of our deeper selves IS m\!!lt>n!'d 1Jnd d1snJul'agcd Caught up in thfl ~up"di r illill t y of our' pcrfonnillg. most of u I;; 11<1 Vf' ~ el)' little experience 0:£ the depth of our 'P0~-"i1)h~ [orrn m~

Learning

"VV!2' «am tup. hra I rl I (I control and di sci pline the bodv 1,Ve are brought up to masnn 'With our instincts, to cajole feofllings with thougllts.. to earn g-rIlLJ fl raLlon hv hp.iu~ srn art and cloi:n g a !.':onrl i r I k\'Vc ill p poin t the ccn tral nervous sysLPrlrl master and dr:i"-,r'r ofthe re-st of the bodv

V\Je foster the belief that cognition is t11f' g_:rorutexperience. This is what WP. can ·'leaming_- A~mm1 .<!H of nur social ]~arlting Iormx are based upon tho assurnpt inn that experience ;uuj it~ cornrnurrication arc COgniti",'"C,

r m SU ggeHi fJ ,If that lcarning-· -fha rrans fer of c:o.;:-

EX Pl!l'I I~(; rNG 1. 1 9 pericnce-e-is a culmination of the resonating or the budy" 5 exci tation. TIu~ bOlly'" resonnti n g light s 'u P its powers of cogniLrrrn_ I'he brain is the serv .. ml nf the body, not "iG€' versa,

A fori.f'.ml of mine tn1d me that he used to ~in' himself erections by caJli.ng uF' pictu:n:s -I1Ilto his minri. l le invested his; CXI;i ternent into th is picture Iik- .>\s soon .1); 11e Slopped inllarning himself mcrH<lll y" his bud)" experienneri rnors feding and movement

The dynamia; Df bucly·ili:rocted lCOlrning arc i1 h1stratcd by 'I.'" hathappens in the furmativc sCflllP.nce- Exci tation ~XP~1i ,ds. collects itself, and forms boundaries, o\nd then. as it b('gim; tn ~XFIT'55 ibf'1f_ il ]'E'achcs Fst 115 imuJ'1cl~rie:s-pa51: its lonp nf cantainmern and into lIn> surround. P,);:]~reS5ion is <:I pe1'l:k event, like the peaking of a heartbeat or th~ peaking of m-~rp;,m_

The fnrmative peaking l[1temrH with the C]"Pf ironment, generating nl:'W m-Iornr-mion, rlf'VI' cemmuniralion. Then it draws back_gathers itself. ,ind forms a new loop, Tho? new containment in yokes 01' I uf the fedmg, ima~- dreaming. thinking, 1'1 nd deeisinn-making which permit .,. richer exper:l'C'I1Ge uf "iJeU and other. self and wurld, This is hOl\ we form our reality, This is rnu'[, .. v We hearu_

120

YOUR 80DY SPEAKS ITS M:II'iD

In a well-known s udv. twu researcher>! .. hnwerl that when <t (~hi1d's creeping £Iud crawling :Ire interfered "With __ he has trouble with hi~ speech fllm-rions and often ends up 3!; a stutterer. TheIr study was a revelalmn ::inSIIfar as it d'p.monstrated Uu;,t wllen certain Iocomotor patterns are not conner-ted up and developed, r-f'rlalD socializing p~lrt{'rn5 do n _It fully enu"r~, The same researchers then found that encouragiu!! the stutterer to creep and r.rawl once ag.rllhl served 1(1 I:?tll up iJu~ immature motor patterns in nrrl('1l' that he might rlf'\'f'lnp them Ai> he did 50. his speech and hl~ other sm~~ .... h7.ing activities imprnYed_

The bod' troches itself. That which is b12comiIW

_ t:::

ronscio IJ" r enr hes 1110:1 t whic h i5 run sc i ous, and th ill VII' hich

is conscious Lel::lc-h('s that which is becoming conscious. As our bodies move IT}"""8rd c'lntainiJ1~ the excitement of our Iife p. ... prnetwf!_ ",,1,'-(' T"€fule our excitation in I he proc- 1;'55 or transmiuing' it frnrn nn(' level to another. 'the learning pror-ess l'i our formative prur-f"ss. ,~~ open our boundaries and extend ourselves: 1 hen we inte-grn te .rur experiences, Firs,t w('- become more Then "";~ know more and we cxpres~ mnre; \\Te live more.

A few _venTS ago I gave up- smokin g. Smoking had heen nearly_n lifelong ritual Ior me. rmd during Ihl' day:5 that Inllowed I Ielt uncomforta hie. And then suddenlv I reaII7.cd that J \",'<1S 11a'l v: in~ sensations in mv throat and muuth that I'd never p:xperience!l <1" .In adult. Shipping the ~muk i fig had re-eroticised my respire tor y 'r <'l ct. a rid the experience nf the new sensations made me anxious. \'Vhcn. I recugn[7_~d that that was wha I if was, it put IDE' Irttu the more-ness of what was gOiJlg on as me. klnCl this g-ilixe me I,lcasure_ J.Ty discern ort was related 111 h<'l"_"in~ sensatinns that 1 didn't recognize and couldn't full appreciate.

EXPF.RUtNCINf;,

121

Tu de-scrihe If'a-l"nil'lg in terms of role-identification or pf\oblcm-wkin~ giye~ a yer_' 'limited and misJ.eadin~ picture of " .. rhat goes rrn in I hp. ~clual rnurse of one s learnmg process To learn is to experience nevo; paltf'rns of excilaljon Oind to f'mhnay them. An !?').l'eric--m::c of t'''' eitement in the chest travels do",-nwBrd and expressesitself as sexual fe~ling and pelvic rem::hm!f. H travels upward and expresses itself as words: lion: you- ThE' e~-E'-~ see 'I,,·!th this sarue vibrant quality. the arms reach ou' hi the loved one. and VI, P. art" d13nged_

IMAGERY AND SELF-SHAPING

Al] too oftcn, our way ill bcing sorncbedv is to be somebody else's body Our ".'ay of l)?lng ern-hodied ~ to b~ Daddy's ideal of H gllUri girL ,\T(lm~y's jd~HI Ilf fI ~J)nd ht~f- \~Te learn 0 mimic: people, especially people , .. h· tire ~.u:,~ess!tu hy sQciety's standards ... Act like your fa thcr, Or. if father is a fail LJX't>: "Dm.-L dO like \ our' fltther,"

.-\nd then ~'1;(' live a lot of fantasy. a lot (If if-hTUY "If o~Y the world ~ere a different place I could I;e happier. more outgnmg, rrJ(Jre '-'"en:,malh alive." Or "'I" escape il~il"J 1.HJ"o~e, f he movies. crlmpu isiv~ P.l1l ing. In

tearl uf m ha bl hng OUI bodies, we both abuse and run awny ~~ OUI' bodies, And tllings happen to us. We become VICn.mS_

FanlHsl?tng and mimicking and takins assigned role!! are methods ~or av?i~ self-fanning. 'Ve practic{' 1 hcse methods Wltil1<;-Te ldentiI y with l.lrern. l\1fnsl 11e-ople whn come to work with me ll<tvC' experienced vcrv little other than self-avoidance. Fnr various reasons they haye

been utI illing to diseng-dW from these static attitude:~ stereotype ... uf Ferlornmm.-e \'!, hich announce. . This is lhp. wav I must be."

So ] mvitc JlB01JI,p Lo get at the source ofthemselves.

I 'H5k them to evoke their uWll excitcnu~·nL call forth their own sensatirms. I encourage them to cxVr5S themselves phy~icflny arrd 1.11 fee] the cmathurs associated with therr E'.-X:prns.siO-ll. 1" ennJ1lrage them to rrurve parts U! themselves that arc rigid.., Bud to Tccognize Ute thought .. related to their stiff flUffy attitudes r iu\-iLe them to uncover and, above aJI.II.-lil.'t:: their 0\'IO'l1 cxcllalory patterns ~nr~ rhvthms. Out of their tk:illg grov"'5 their understanding. Alt uf tJ1l1; becomes possible as they dmUeJlg;t> their assumptions. their roles. t11(, V\'a_ys lh~y do tllings

VVheIl we UT{' \"\Tilling to experier ce nursel~es. we don't live anybody else- s 1 iff'. Nor do we 10_(, ourselves in fanrasv. As 'our ~hodie5 become freer. less cunstricied, we begin to shape nurselves ima~mi'lti\ el~' rather than n11mirl...ing and farrtasiz ing. VI, ho devcluper Babe Rut h' <; batting .... -tylt>- for him? "11u inspired CohlmhlJ.li to set sail? ""ho j earl If'S Iovers how to mak~ love?

T(J Knou: or to Grou:

To form i ... III Krm T. A crystal CXpUI sds itself in an additive wav _ .! t Fee, i n a geometric c '!{ h~ncl prtlless. ~V c h umans grow bv increasing (HIT tnotilitv and n)urdination anrib_- lllyenting new hehavinr. new shapes ,mrl rpelings and ref:.pOllse:s The inrrieate cnnnectedness of dr"rdoping shape [Hlil respnusivencss that 'we lIsllan, call ~win~. 1

call forming .

Gro ..... ;ng i ... rnnre than knowing, It i« more than th(.

llL~ YOUR liI.GDY SPEAKS ITS lIUND collpcting (If data and concepL", OuT' emphasis on knowing causes our brains a nd upper eircu latorv syslp.ms tl, gro,,,,, wh ile the rest of LlS remains ill fan tile. It is our emphasis tm knll'wing that Ieads to nur forming so mamhodies that <lrc (lUI. of-shave and misshapen, Ollr ion:'s on the brain gtve5 rise to beautiful heads. to \\'eIlformed I.hougltt$ • and to misused bodies with a narrow range of ~('eling, By ]h,;ng cerebrallv, dc,ToLing our eJ1- el"gies In collecting it'Ata and abstracting e};IH~rien(e. \";l' image our narrowed feeling", in the form !If an impersonal and dispassionate bodr of }J1[Jwledg'~. VIle picture the YIIorld as a feelingle% rnschinc, opernting by a system 0'£ law'S and rules, rather than as an alive, ~O\\'ing, self-sJfHlI}Jlng uni verse.

Irs our emphasis on blOwJllg that enables the brain to feel tha I it "has' a bod,y TIlt' wg:nit;n· separation of brain and .bod~ j'g ereatedbv II1IC' brain 'i capadty t" hiIurcate, to make distinr-ti IWS., tn Cf.I~:cgoriz~. and ;riw' value. J 11 thio;; " .. "fillY [JUT brain can come tu identifv our ahveness with jts,~H and to consider the body as. <I thing, Then. rather than bein/! ~l)me-lJlldy., t' hove a hodv

'l.'" e want to .IDln"" ~ fur 1 he sakf' of PO'H:~ F. so tha 1 we wnn'L 11:(' 'victims tu nature or circumstances in qur inside and outsido worlds. 'Vllen \\te know, we are ahll" to prcdin. mall i pula te, and rrpeaL Rut th1~ :i:sperfonning. not experipnclllg Ill' expression. Tt's pro~"Css. nul proces!>, Its aim is po. er, not plea S:ll' rc: enntrol, not cooperation; domination. not satisfaction. Tu form. 10 gr(l\"'_ demands an emntinnal rnmmitment Tt demands a continuallv maturirag E!:'Ii:pressivencss, .... life-sLyle thai insist" urrm the pleasure blcnes'" oJ Iiv HI g rather th an power

If you want to know vourself, 510\'\ dO\VlL Stop "Yh~]t you are duing. But if you want to ~T(lW. if you want l~ I form yonrsclf. you. rnust activelv express vnur .. elf,

125

The chnice between lmowing and forming is .. choice that many r~f us are making ieday, often withcut f\ea1i ... ing that we fire making it. We wish to lnow ourselves. so we HC('ept disciplinesthat ask us Ln curtail our activity, By ~do,",ing dCn'VlD and stopping_ we can come tu knew ourselves by i'lL~1racting [rnrn our experience Rut we also cease lu fOTDl ourselves. TIJ form our elves, to grO\\-, requires that we he expressive, that we try ttl shape our situations. To form demands that we accept 'the risk [If I he unknown.

'n1f~re'!; a iliIfereTJce oetw.'I.'f'en ImoVf .. ing whn we are and fonn..ing whn "'1'(" are. The psycboa.nalyl[cnl movemem has collapsed on the mytholog~ .. 0.£ "Knm" thvself." Fver since lh'e days of Sorrntes, to knn~'" oneself has been the foremost goal anrl highest ac-'hi('nment of our C'uIhlTe---hut damn it whatever you. do, don't he yom"self, Don't form vuurself, Let ~l~ fUrTI1 VOR

To grn~'" is to cllange the 5]~a.pf' nf JIJUl' li",ing If s never-ton late to grO\,,_ 10 fill your~f!H with ~'our m ... n life. I hay!" I Wl1 friend silver sevent V Ii YC whose wh u I e: existence ~ms been the continued sfliipmg and rr--shaping of their Iivss, Om" of them i! now rapidlv IOslng his eye· s'i~ hi. , "\'hf'n .l! asked him how he fell d bout t his, he answered with excitement as well as melnncholv. ··"YcD. I'm gmng to have til rnl:lkr a difff'n:'nt life Inr mvself ,. 'My other friend in .... divorced hiswife. J- Ie told me he h~d heen making himself sir k by tI} lUg to compromise ,ms urge. to 11e ,~ol i'tary Sro he had df'-.('iricd to st[lP remp.resSllJ,g 'himself He- went ahead with the 51" fl.ln1tion and Iet hi s boundaries Pl:'ll. A - }w told me rp.('t'nHy. he is in the r1J::'ll(;'CS~ 11[ lnrming a m~\ .. · self,

SnJI1t' prople a re so busv kno\'l.i:ng_ hurling out. ac cumulat inf'!: infunTl1:ttiolL be1n{£ introsper+ive. that they are 11l:rpctUal students and slaves, 1he) have con! used

YOUR ]!IOD'll SPEAKS 1 TS M~

lrn.ov;ing and understanding. knowlerl~ and e!'l:pericnce.

The highest level of exci tement nCCLU' S d ur i ng- se ifexpression, and this does nut rLen~·_~siti::l te H dJrnin:ut ion of se u jW'rceptiuiL VVh(:'11 )'OU e 1( pres:; you (.:5(' I f you ~nerd l e the e'[u~rg)" for self-perceiving, Acth--itr alone does not do this. :however~ self-experiencing is the necessary in~dient,

You dOll-"!: have h1 know _ Ynu dllrl L I.B:I'iP hI search aut an answer ur fmd a w 'cdV That" ~ t he, TITi_~r;i k(~ most n£ us make: wP Hl'e l(Jf1King for knowledge for a ready rna de w.ty~ instead ()f letting our feeling and our selfe ... pression form ourwav.

An Y nne who rn a in til. i ns n part icular sty lc of Ii ving has a s1<lh in pcrpehmting a particular structure, a particular pattern of form and move ruen L a cerl oil: 1 n fi x:ei! E"!x pn ssion of being .a Iiv i:'. Bul if nn~ feds one's own lin,:lint'~~_ then ~ ~n f' i ~ ,., .. ; lli..n g to leave be hind ~"I alii. I me h a_~ Ii I read \ fir) i ~ hed fonning -

Consider' what hn ppen~ ~n the act of InOlking 10\-('Two- peoFlf~ corne ITl'ro juxtaposition, and in the sharing of _feeling ~wrl movement, <Jill that is curren Ll) e_'(prE:'~>5iv(' of these two pcrso.ns is exchanged_ If Ihey ,lre wrlling [0 abandon what should lw lh~rf' f~lr ,dH11 is there. the nutof-the-ordmarv ]~ .r>vok~ri v"'-CTY encounter is a beautiful

- -

encrumter H nd a s.ltis.fying encounter==unless l he_\ are luukirl!; to repeat a partern. ttl re-establish ft fedirJ~ thar they T~,('ognize as "love" or "sex -, Or unless thcv wnrrt to believe somehody ,ehe">; criteria and chase somebody clsvs goals_

[MAGERY AND £ELF-SHApING

To be a human animal is to express one's: tm i f]uc nlivensss with one's he-51] and blnod, Our nervous svstem is cl'lra hIe of wlthhohJ]ug t'''1pre~f<toJrl nl ourselves, h~ightening OUT '·1 hratorv stale by perm!]I i ug- uur eXrJt~ I ion 10 be released and committed selectivelv, To ~11'-. "r surrender lll) self ttl any tiling that CO":me-~ alrmg'· is to commil mysel f 1 igh(lJ' T, ~hnw~ (-nn~f'r1I pI. Inc rhe pal t of me that c}.-prcsscs me fly heing con1 empl nom ~] [ it. T lese it.

Byrckasm.g indiscriminotely, I seck to rid mysd F of smnething unpleasant I make no finite commitment: 1 ~imply gh·f'- up nIP f'llf'I'g) of m ~ se1f-forming. and this i~ fur E·'I{pr~.s"iE!rI (:I F ~e1t r-Olllf'mpl nrrrl fe.<tr_ 'Y hf'll H man and a WOIImn lin' making 10-:('. they direct their cxpr~~ sion toward each other to build their pleasure. l1lCY P<lTlin pit r~ \ \- i Ib each other. T h ~v AAy _ .• L~j us [m7tl till l' Eves ...

OUf Children

Om- children are the P.i<pres.sinn of om heing alive and maJdng luve. And '"1"-1 they are more than the expression of IK Tln'!:-- an." t Ill' 1-'!CJ1r~""ilH1 ,A lh{;rn~f' h.'f'~ Clrildreu n;ll!Il1Jrl;Il'yform themselves around the c.X"pTC$.in~ of their own fccling5 They cducatc fhemsclvcs, organize thnrnsel ves, regulate themselves. 1 ea ming from the momen! t 1 H', aIfIf' born.

\\'heri 'II',t' errrrru rf!l~ uur chi lrlrt-n ~ 0 e){rres<~ nU"ll" [eeli ngs-thcir laugb lng, their crying. their curiosity. their tenderness, their <luger-the" develop flexible. gTalceful. E'Xpre.ssi~-e bodies. and thf<f learn that the werld is a sLJPp~)rLive place in \\ hieh - ~n Ii ve anrl gro'W il.Hlepend~ntl y _ By direct f'!Lperienrp _ t i i. rOC I rxrutac t. llu~y

nH"TB.1!! O".n",- 5PF-AXS ITS MH,W

learn LV I like ioy in the individusf formm~ of their ex: citf'men1,

TIle trouble fi]'"~~es when. nur.~i:n~ the Pl"te);ll mptlolJ th .. twe're the fluly nnes who k rru ........ what life is all about and lwVl jl should be formed_we trv tn inc.ulcate OUr children , .... ith OUT pa uerns of expreBslrU"l_ Those nt lJ:S whn ~He older 'are hithitllillly telling Ihe young. hm,\' 10 Iive. which is " roundabout way Ilf tcmng th.em not 10 threaten us by living differentlv. ""noll"t be alive in anv wuy we don -I "'pprove of" \"I{p. <In tnward the, Dung as if their a1 i veness and. their ex pressiveness w~.re i 11 trinsi. callv :1 m mil t ure. as i r l her WC[lC inca pa hle of learnin gfrom I heir own experiencc,

In t11€! name of Knowledge \ ... 'e dampen and rhnnnel, aliveness Our current "y~tcm of education creates spasrns_\Vc cramp Our- ch.i ldrcn' s bodie ... SU t hilt we can form their minds. Th e school 5 .... ~tem i 11 stitute S a 511 cial rentract betw ef'tl t he kid'S and [(It teachers. and he1 ween the. kids awl! .. d III tau thori 1i~s in generaL A [J d the c ontract is a rrintructinn model, Lem.'l1:inO'" ht>~'omcs painful

r.

Lean]irlg becomes a r- hun; that req uire5 disciplme,

-\ mild "lw r'oi brou.ght up under a restrictive social contract Iearns t hat in thme. moments when he is must in tense l:v H l i vc, in those m aments w h:?fI he 1"5 most ~~ pre.~s i vely Iiimse II. he is in dan ger _ He rna y be a ble to express hi s ideas, to speak his mi n d _ But what i r he ~"Ti3ilk~ down the 'ilreef feeling SU alive that he wants tu reach out to peup le, to h ug the m an d carps'> til ~m] ,\Yb at h a ppem j f he starts touchi n g them ~

Our CuH1Jml contract tearJ1es us to refrain from touching. H I eaches us to id en flfy wi th <I restrained role. EVEn under these LOnw l {om" cllliG:rel1 re!.ain as rrmch aliveness as they can, but the, b~c~lmc increasingly

uv;.·are that it'.~ i:l rh'lngt'wu~ world fnr i3 n ex~)ressi'li\'e animal, An expressive anima I threatens S"o6ety_

.And. yet why should anyone accept th e idea t hat he is OJ. social threat. simply because he's alive and :stmng? Tn my wnrk. and in df'.aling with people day tn day_ I used te pull back so ns ne,"'er to pOSit" a Ihrea1 RuL by pu11- ing back I conflicted. ""'1 th my own ex press i V(' CJi.:'C i temcn t Sa I don't pull back an}' more. If I threaten pefJple. I threaten them If tilPl" walk i:i""" av r rum me, that s okay

- - -

Whtl L el~f' am ] p.f'IinlJ to doJ I am n man lwfon' I am a

~ .

healer.

F.very day, I lh"~ what i~ presern In my I if~_ T parti6 pal? "" .. il h whrll irs. T <J I SCI die everv dav r IN die \'Iiha~ T dl m"t

,,'

nced-e-and this becomes my past, Nature displays this

simultanccus Iiving and dying and points u.p the paradox of continuous dis(mlj.ln110n~r!p.;,,,_ of forming and unfnrming.

Expression is self-li bcration. V\11cn I express Iny&CU. T am activelv participating w.ith others. cm.mecting with my environment. And. this is m: ]?leasure.

I fo-rw nl) excitement un ~:he anvils nf f'xpre~~iun and. e:I;:pe deuce _ F_?iJl erif'l1('~ ~ n d ex pre~ i tl n f LI rrn my sel f. just as T form my world.

EXPRESSION

To Ii ,,-e. j s to exprt'M. one 5 self. Our expressi ~.I" self IS 0 u r Im"'m?tIYp. 5it"H_ Expression impels us tuw;-Ird more -elf ... fo:rnnng ... toward ~xp"'rIel1Ci!1g more deeply And yet in tJu:!, an of ('xp:re.~smg ourselves ... 'W(' <lire not aware of our ... selves in uw nm scions lOf'rl~e This kind uf awareness comes .a/MruvB-d. Se.U ... a wnrcness arises during the ~eH f;ollectn_lg, ~:if-<contalning. and selI int~mifying that fal lows a SJgn 1 fican i fOx prcssi on of lw ill r eli v ffi_

FxprcssiOl1 l'~ the m.Hcomc of ow' enlar91Xl oxcita-

• . I e -

UtHI. I he (n]t-p["(~s<smg of \\ !1a1 "''J,-C hOI. .. e La kenin and cun ...

lfIined.rht' excitement (If our hurmmncss corninuallv a tt~mplio t u satisfy ow r bungeI'll h~" pressing nu h nl rd 1 n puI.:;arorv wa:"es----Jl'iUing us ~\ilh the environment and fillil:g the .environment with us. Our gre:all"'~l excitement man:fcs~5 115elF wherever '10'1'£::' have thf' least boundary to restrret IT Awd our boundaries are ll"iib'l restricti- f' a I· the edges of tlllT DTowm& expression

"_. ~ e '

Tel understand iii to he in tirnate with. This under

stan.ding is born £If c""Fl'essing- To confuse 1 r with the collecllng of data i:.;o to miss nul om our living selves, In the

EXPBJESSION

heg:i.nr!ing llu"re W8," living ... rtut krH),y1edf!f>- l\:nm",le.rLg'l" is reaped. a bstracted after the CV{·I~t. IL is not lh~ grnwing O'f the fruit.

II I am forever aware of mys-ill. I eonstrein myself, I ,hold my e!l:r.itemenL hack from expression... fran; selfin volvement, keeping it in the sta ge 0 r containment which encapsulates and intensifies n1y experience of pa~l mvolvemeJ.lt:~L To base m,· identity [Ill <lWLU"C"nC5Si!>to dimm.:ish m v desires and tu com ta i.l t I'f focus DlV excitation inl08;1 obrec.ti fieri. H~,reotyped" Jl1'~5enl_:_tllerebv cuHlng myself off from my f utur«. whnse "~H1TU> ~~ m~r ongoing hllliger to experience my self and others. In c~pressing mvself, 1 diminish eommitrnent to self-knowing, Hut I do not e,l imina If' r:omnu~l1le:rn" tfl ~~lr f'xpM"i~nci.n~, I invest my-self ill my fnrmativcncss, .,. ... ·iWng to reshape my netions a bout mvse II TIl ther than clinging t(] a preemIf. ~L """,,1 pIa n

There 15 nlithiTl~ wrong wah knowledge, VVhat'~ ""'T'ong is an incessant, unrcil:'utin.g need to know. which isrelated to a compulsive need for pmve'l" In OUT We-st~ culture we stifle desire-s-the hlln~t'r to r pKpp.rienr:lng_ Instead, we push IlTngram~ lhi'lt l(';]l'h us to knuwandto want to mow, That's o:u:r'big:gest stumbling block, Bv savin:l'!;. -'1 must know." bv strueturin» our identitv

,._ • b'"

upon 'W ha 1 we do or dOD at prove, wP. build a ." ton!'! wa 11

around ourselves ... '\VP. my in P.ffKL ""1 f.<! n' I be 'Un ril [ hil'i-"C the facts. ,. This undermines the emotional needs of living.

K.nowing cmn es fro m E:lt:perieucin g Kn (I'wing a s a ~oa] divorced from I !,dIlgc or LOu1 p.(1 a~ ;;l 1,fi,'ay uf liying, ].5 <! pour cornpcnsatien for experiencing. 1"el many pco ... plf! do not wishto sh ape their own Ii vcs, TIley prefer to be gh"'en the knowledge of how to lise,

132

YOUR IIO nv S.PE AJiS ITS MIND

The Lan!{uae;e of Expression

The formative pmccS!] has three l)ha~" expansion, containmerrt, anil e%:pr~ssionWlleu I .. "nrk: wit}, a per.-ou_ whH.t we do cncompasS€S lhe:sf:'" ~ hrec phases. First. T ask the person somehow I{. p.xpund tile nm.ge of his TIlO1;'t"men ts, Then _ ,,41 I h iIi t he WO]1't be carried a ..... <:I"\" h"l th e

~

Imfamihar artivitv, T ask him to 510'0\0' down, lp contain

and avor his emerging shape, Finallv. T <l ·k 111m to f'Xpr~"s himself again. this Lim!" ilH~gralirlg his new ff'rli ngs and percepd('lm .. ~II Lr~ hi'). actions.

The f'~pHn~1n' phase of a person's (orr-nill?: 15. tor the must part. a pre-cognitive_ rn:"})E'rwnal phase. ~rlln.,. body ]m nlved in an expansive <leu,-:ily 15 not u lJdlly crm<:;ciuu). nf hi~ partic+pation. It is pras~lhk for him to be consci ous of it. but more com mnn 11' h is co gn i tion does not begin io enter in until !If' re;-\{" hcs the lhnits (I[ his expansion, or bounce- up Itg-alnst somcthina not IHm;:~lf_

At 1 h~ ]1fl.iilt of limitation. when lht' Jll'r~on bC¥lIIt.; to in "hibi1 and collect himself. h~ hcgim; to sense his buundm-ies. He bet-tilH; tn lnm .. · inur-asinglv who he 15 If _ begins tr: ilic;('"fIH1r th<! "this is me. and thai". not me '. And his n~spoJl~e to this discov er_l,- 1" elllu~r r-ar LU' added exdL~ment; either he- withdraw- in nrdcr teo COB tain less or he seeks to contain a~ much as he can.

Containment is- hOlll mrtornati C and self-i nitiated.

Think of the heiir!: when it has sufficienilv rillcd .... -11h blood. it COIl Lnu ts, Think of the stomach: when you 11aYp had enough to cat. you slop efl.lin~ ,.vhen vou've Itad ,enough fu tl running and pll-l·;ting;. YOU stop and rest, "hell I h~ two of us wnrk ~O!l,:eth('r and vuur ~x.[ih·m nt

has heen t'xpanding. ~ au sense a n::luctnnn·a'l ill certain point 10 ~ll on w ith the expamn'c act1yir-yYuu begin to fed who you are and " .. hn 1 am. and. fhis fep.ling grows strongC"r ~-'\lld ttu:n ytm '" nau) whl! ~·ou arc, nnd you ma! decide that 'fOIl want to ~hare t hi." h) releasing your on rained excitement so that it lJlOSSl1m" in ihe 'llrld

Frurn the womb of self-ccutainmcn! i~ horn the. Ian,;ua ge 0 f 5€ If ex. f .ression _ IIUl' _re.s and. our no. \Y f' C an choose In leap into tIlI-' air ur to sit tight \\7(' can l-htH)Soe to Taugh or 0:-' or.,mg or kf't'p .. ilent. \\'hate1-'l'r '''.-C do to e:xpn.'5s OUT~.('h-('S. We" nrc <;<l_\'iTlJ?; • .if least implicitly. "T feel myself so ~trDnglr that I'm going- In t .. kl" a chance. lTl risk <l y~s ur a no and see what comes of it • So we sav yes. Or we ~ay U~ AmI ".-f' interact with the SO(T,J~ "''''-!lrl~l --{,l1COlU-i:'Igjl~O" the tested and 11<-' untested, the fa.miliar

e !:"

and the unfamiliar to greet us i15 W(' ~hi1fw 11l1~.f'he~_

\Yhf'lJ we ~x Fr~s." excitation that \"\TC have- 4.;ont~ ined and intensified. iJUT T{'l_ill..iml .. hip~ with others begin to chang _ Others react to the. quality of nur expression in responsive ways If it scares them. thev shun it Or they f.{ln"u~€r il Irorn d rlistance. U1", if thev TCSOlIEltc wil h it, they move toward i1 ,11 Hi i t makes the ·cowU"ction deeper and more vital between the" two of us,

Daring- a gl:cmp session. one of the- pHrtj(-ipiHll~ was slaruling For UIP first line without l1al.-lllg 10 rOl1strirl himself in order hl hold himself "P: He was experiencing an enormous flol" of scns.l110n u.nd rf'~Ii lI~_ and it was contagin[J!i_ A young woman sitting nearby ';-iuri lILHl S11€ c~juld. f~el llw \'\'l3VPS of his excitatirm wash again5t her and s:vrccp through lll"r budv. A.. ... Ih'i~ continued to happen. she began to know hjm: she be~ .. n I CI contact hint. and then to connect with him. And. ,1oP]1 ~hp h~f!3n to know herself in the same connected fnshiorl It ~\ as a

134

revelntinn I.fl her, a cnrnmnnicat ion of abundant E'xcite rnent from without <a:nli within.

In. and OW: The Dilllfl{[J.lt> of Brenth

I work a great deal with pe(]pl~\ breathing Often J ask people just tn lie nn the bed and breathe I watch them as the~- breathe in and uul, in and Put. and I begm tn discern a pulsatory wave that has i:I unique ernntiona I charge. No 1\\11 breaths i:lr(' ever the xamc. _ ~evpr ThE" may have similarities. hilt they are not the sam!" Everv conneetirm that someone makes witb the envrronmerrt by hli1aling and f?!!hOLli11g lS different rrnm the' COllTlC('lion I hat went hefcre it

Breathing is a marvelous art h\ the hridge hctween two worlds It spans the border line between control awl no con' rol, b€fVI>f"e" the La ltg-ht and the untaught ] 11 I hI_' civilized wOl'ld Yi-e breathe more rostrainedlv. Tn the wo~]d of nature we breathe more spontaneously.

There J) a yery evident relationship between breathing patlp.rns and individnnlitv Short 11.- alter the ani. ill of nUT Inlb:.- dalJghter. her breathing turned her pink. and we could artuaflv sec her bin h as an individual She was nn i1nJ1~r~onal c-reature until 51u:, lnok her first full 'breath. And the same is true for all ]W~lplc. \11 'indiv idual who wi'llnnt fu I ly mha lc will nul fully m~l)j rf" h irnself, accept inlll himself the influ of his- surronnd. Au individual \\hu inhibits (~xhalil1g will not fuHy commit himself. gin' himself trustingly 10 his surround Au inrlividua] who 't'I.'illllUt fulh breathe :re_~lrirts Iris iml.ivui-

uality, -

Chest breathing re .. rh('s intn !5pa("e~ Sell; v breathing

EKl'fI .S:: ION

reaches towant lhl" earth. And when I ",,",ork .. vith somebo dv, I focus on he pa [tic ula r area , .. ,·hen' his brcat h in g is r~stricted. During infancy. must breathing takes placc m the ahdnrnen, As breathing e:lipannis into thr- chest, the child bccoroes inU'eas.iugl)· m~erll'\'e_ As brent hlng expands intothe peh-js_ l}U dllid bcc(lrn~" more self assured and sexua), People. who are afra I~ hi crv 01' shnul, '~T ,'\ ho are afraid of the f~1ing o[ LLL- inhibit their hreatl1ing in their chests. Thus!" afraid IJf o;p .... or :wven to s.clf-\'1'{;r-ry inhibit it in the pelvi-

- 'Ye are born bre ... then, who form mrr m\ n ways of lweatlring A person who acts submissively dlrninishes his rBngf' \)f breathing 1\ hY"1",.ril.'al persnn ,\,~T~x["'nd5 his bn'alhiul! I" the point of p,:mtin~_ The long-dT~tt1nl~e runner deepen- his hreathill!!;_

"'heneyer it's fI.:'B~ible_-l trv to cooro:irwte people's brea thing with other forrns elf ~xpres.iii;;e activit y- L£ a per~on hAS deep contracnons m his chest, I try hI help rum rlpen his breathing into this nn."1t so that gcstur~ and vOC;:1li7ing~ 'II assertiveness and ~f.'1f -est E' em can emerge without biTl~ rne hanieal. If a person has constr.1r:IiUllS in his pelvis. brcar hi ng into that area reh~l>io;,t'>s feelings of 'If'rlsiJality and grounfh~drlf'''~ which he can then live

TuCrY

Breatlring facilitates _ryingT and people cry a ln~ in this \.Y01:k Thev rrv not rmlr rllr Lh!" sake of cathflr .. us: they cry for jflY. from ]lm~n~ TIl<ldc ('ormfftion .. • ..... it'h mW-C<> uf thems~ 1 ves.

Crying ~:xpresses the full ... iI'lW· II! human emotion

'1l'0 U fI BODY S PE _J,.KS ITS MI:>;;O

f rum nruruish Lo eCStLHiY, Eveu lauzlrter i-s a deri"'ath·., of

~-- ~ !'">

crylng If yuu wntr h someone c.,":,". in pain Ill" [ur lOY. you

sec that the whole person ;:~ convulsing rh.yt hmicallv Ifs interestinz, becaul>p erving, unlike other forms (If €'xpress!on.almost a lwirvs brings ahfmj the basic irrvo] . unldry. pulsatorv movements. Angt'r I","cllcTallv dIJt'~ not '\. p-(,[50n capa blc of cxpTes;~irt~ ang-cr is not ;Jecessarilv willing LIl .-ry, Ifs the pen:;ol1 unwillmg Iu cry who i5 unwillin g 10 practice his own freed mn. H'", t h co persnn who \.., nn -I !.n' who dnf!~ nor fully share.

Anyone who h<h hecn arnund r h itdrell has nouccd that their eve.ry emotion is e.'l.l'rf'~ ed by some form 01 nulrrr Their crv i~ the voice 'If their bodih [reshncss. lwd in tlli" respect adult- urc no differpelt' from chil dren. A!\< ,n' become iihlc to C1'V, IJlJr hodics become rnnre C<llll1iJlc of e:\pr~"l11g our seh~s_ A~ l.. ... re learn nncf' <I~(lin 10 crv, we gnm more and rnnre """"jiling and able to make jo.rlu11L)'I,-e-

'Vt> enter the .... odd with a. en, <Inri from that Lime on, our crying or uur not--c."n:iug i ... -p;-n1 dud parcel oJ our fnrming- He \, ho never crif>s Hut is never lll~ard _ The .." arriors roar, the lovers 'Shout, the \ ir urn's scream evoke human rcspcnse-s-and are hear-l by he god:; as well,

111e .-ry is the mother 0_ all emotional expression: howls of .mger. moans ot sadness. 5j~hs of tenderness, bellows of bung~l"_ shouts of jmr. ,y(, ,,,h(1 dil nul IT"- ~'TJ sure that our J'i~dities I\f'\-~r ~oftell.. tha l we neve-r become impressionable enough to form 3E!;"tljn

URGES

Natural de:Sircs----urg-e~ to Teach uut, to play, to touch. to suck. tn Jove, m ta5t~~ 10 I ry and. SCfc.:J m-fill U~ '''' tth the energy that c,<;tends us n:;to Ute world for satis,fadjon Pen-ple W110 maintain chronic att it udes, undH'Hlgmg P(lt terns, mUTO\\ their fp.clings and [irm! their ur1!~~" Ll.'WHTd plsasurc The} won't pCnTIlL anything II! happen tjllhem, Ofl~ntimes the .. r don't know this. Manv pf'ople sav that thcy't€ having certain feclin ~~, and meanw hile their bodily re~-p('1nses illi::lj' be demon~1THting ver dearlv t~il.t their wishes tire quite dirferent hum what they thiuk thev Eire Nowadavs we-n> more 5Op~lJ~licated "bout the~t' llJil1gs. bU1 it 'still hi..lppf'ns that sOlllebnd~ 8_chlall;v tells rne, while ti~h Lf'.ning 'his Ji:l wand clcnvhing Iris fists. the fit> i .. perfectly calm,

We arc always hcing impinged upon. Impulses ;Jrisf' in us: new de-"ires greet 'us each rIay 1"'~1 nf these 5tn'rm~s are aborted ~ they arc not ~trong enollgh to penctrate I ht" densit ' uf our selvc~ ilrlt~ attr~ct I_!ur attention, The lr hardlv eyer h reak 111 to n L1.! Iivc ~ unless

q8

YOU fI BOny SPEAKS ITS MmD

~hcy'Jre of n(!fo:ir- or crisis proportions And ~ .. ·n we miss untnld opportwlitics te enrich our lives

Each of us is a !;~a of needs, a continuum of llr~..s which ·we I end tn ritualize and render more or If'.~~ impotent. And IDlle5:5 we finrl wllyS lfi interrupt mIT routines, we bet:Omc :robob Interrupting shrieks our f'!t.J.w Iilrrtum, S-Pf.l<HTltC"S w. from our embedderlness. makes us stand l1ut from th~ world ilf routnrized behavior [he challenge to our bounds ril1~ calls Inri h responses. fresh impuL-scs.

T mpulses Me cornirmallv puking a L us 1 ih llttle "p-c;:1rhead~· potentia] pleasure-bringers. Rut mOSL of us ne-ed crises to jolt us out II OUT stabilized live-so And 501\ is rux:cs...o;-ary now and Ihen that others inl~lTt.pt mr lmundarres until WI' learn that our 0"\0\ n desires. tlLJr 011\"]] uTge~ lin this for llt>. They unforrn U~ <.Ind rn-fnrm us

Torn was sllHrt_ barrel chested, ,In.d hairy. with a ,en taut torso. A prattler, he LUll].. rmlSpOKf'rl p~Td(' in {hI-' hi~l that h~ was tOLillfh and realistic He l{lined a '!!l"fmp that was wnrk:ing OJ,1 emotional cxpressi v "'nC'~s ben:ll1sc he felt thai he was insufficienrlv rcspnnsive to others.

TDm.' \'1"'"_ I'm .:1\'\ Hn: of that. Rut I have H certain amount of f~llng for rn~r old Iaelv, and 1111-' love that L get.. T gue~s. T ve also l.ecn ::in a b -tnIly new errrirnnmem fnl'" the Iast YC:<lr. and if feellhat-

Stanler: nrc:lilt a minute You've ¥ot a .... vise ~~. in '1'1911 And for Uw past tw~nty minutes that wise guv ; [J ymJ has been Imdr'nnin.ingever_v approach 10 "~u.:. fn:stc:ad

URGU

1:::;9

f £ yes-butting us ag3in and ag:a.iTl_ canting your he~d]uoking at IJ~ patiently uut the corner of your p.~f'. I wnih ynu',d bring Ih",t distrustful side oat frnnt. 1t?1l co~l~ ~l m pl.\ .say. <. T d I}rd believe t II at: 1 don e "'penCIlCI:'" It

10m. Y~uh. btltyf)U1TI'~) beimpm~llg~rour:t.riponmewhich may WII bP.' valid at rhis time, 1 dun t know that (111ylhinn- in tim; l,,,,urksllOp C<.1n d.l anvthing' for me, An:_.'\ .. ~y, 1 l~el that yllll'rf' playing I game. Alul. 1 feel tlu-It Y01;"n_> in L11e head, SL"I[lle).

Stanler That" S not w hal 'on fl~e!. That s what vern think.

Tom:' I've been ff1eLing some sadness. -rirne anxieiy.

Stan/!,}. In l'C'guTrl hl what'

Tom: In the sense 0 not being ;:lblf'- in reach through \.0 YfJll..

,~ ianlev' (0 U li 1 you n--presJ.; I hat Fln'sit~<I n y? 1\'1m'f" dra-

ma,lcl-ll1y.

Tom' I'I], trv But I reel it's lIard _ .. io work with what lied.

Stanlev: 00 you know what position vot~r i~~ad is 1~ nnw? The nt'Hd tilted had. and the erf'S up- It ~ an attitude ur pride. or scurnful dl8~~st-Iookil1K OOV'iTI ill us. as

if you."d like to vomil.

Tom. You.warn me tCJ vemir?

Stanlev: \'\ BU. if that's what :vnu want to du_ do it. Tom: L makes Iourl vomiting noises 1 . - . .AJl right now:

140 YOUB BOllY SPEAKS rrs :r.nND Sl(ll~~ey: Oh. He dU"''''""D and take your shirt off . .Bring )"uur i1Tn15 to _ our sides d.nd ITUdl up_ as if rou were :renching to Someone. and upcn your mnnl h and br~i'lthe. And make I he sound ., -\:'Iaaaahhh~·· Kl"C'p doing 1(

Tom. Aaaahh ' Aaaaaaahhhl!

,'·lan-ler Can you feel any vibrations?

Tom; I Iee! it here in mv throat and a li th:' farther lin do ... .,,'ll. like a longinK. A;;I~<HlaaJ1hh· lli.azHliHli1hhh' It's in my upper chest Andaaaahh! It ief'ls llf:'tt~r in mv throat tha n in mr chest.

Stanle»: Sa.:-, '''V\"'hy dont you respond to rne?"

TDm: 'VI,'h'i,rdou't YfJU respond to me.' To me!

Stanlev: 'Vlwre do you experience that? .>\M} how) Tom: Here, in my ("he\,1 , , • a pain. . _ Dammit, r~pl md to me'

Stanlcv: i'\:ow 'iay. -r IT! disappointed' ft{!tl:in.

Tom. l'm disappointed I'm disappointed. disappointed, . , . Nf ~ h ps are qui v prjn~, " I warn '(I much lu get thnmgh to prople awl 1 never do.

rom started to v .. F"f11 ilL"'Cply asthe qui\ ering sprpad thrnugh his body. His mouth and arrns rear-hed nul. Interrupting lllj~ man. interferin!l with his yes-but and wise-guy al1 itudes. stirnulaleri him to sxperience more of hirno,;;elf He let hi' rf>e1ings break in on him H~ p.xpf"..ril'.'nc.cd his urgl' Ln extend himself. I If' "a~ a hle to H)'. IInti] then. his i:lrrop:'lm~C' had protected hUTI from his de .si re iin sue 11 a " v ily that he cNlld n I)t form himself to deepen his sati sfn ct ions,

REVELATIONS

Claude

lliudl? d Ot.'~ no t Iocus w] I J, his eve s, Th i s dimi n i ~ hes the anxietv he floc!" in his eye. 1 I~ fears "t"eing and hping seen. ",,"hen I look at }~im clirp<:Uy_ he r~ls himself

shrink

As he- m.-ll,red his "hi p~" excitement started In build

up in his legs a nri pf'h'is mrl mdl_lifcstM. iL~U as i tr h i,ng. The itdri.ng pTO"nkerl anger Th· reaction \,'as to kid .. Afl.~r a while his peh'-I~ began to make involu n lill)' mefions, lml he was pu<;h:ing it <15 ;] ngid 1.U11t with the InU".i('I~-"" ot [he- Inwer hack rather tl1n.n undulating r1f!8iSurablv 'YII h hi ps_ Iej:!5. and i~L He ~ecT1H:.d tn be trvi ngto get aw .. rv from hi~ excitement hy compressing h.i~Kf"lL V~lhen T ~lJgg:P.--Ste:.d that hr sl.aml LIp nml rock Ins peh-is rhvthmicnllv. tilat he reach wiLh it and hf'n rsgiltht'l- himself. he ~~Hl\'f'd It fmward Olml.\ anked it hack This, he , hmli"Fht. indi,'alf""1i hu \' strong he \ ... ·035 In 'U:

c

tualitv "it TCYf'j:1 led his £Ci.1rfuin~~5, his e ... tr ... me lack of

J

nlnfidence,

YOUR nODY S.P EA RS ITS 1>rJND

J Ie knots his dia:rhrQ~ He draws had a11iJ locks his mouth and throat Lo l'~duct" (;!'xcitation ,. ... hich makes rum anxious "Inlen I ask him to express his angeL to shout ani! scream, hrs most ctrmmnn rC5p{lllSf' is ·-(nm'L I can' l I'm afrllid I mizht lese control. T migl) L kiI som~body. or J lmght get done in as a result." So he squeezes himself. ami I hen he rends har-k the squC:('zin~ a~ n feeling- of ill'lpnlencE.'_

He holds his ~e.rgy tightl) m his; head. "'ben he Tf'lt"Hs('sit. lu:' gets din" and hMS sinking feelings which Ilood 11im , ... ith a sense of dyillg. So he cramp.!: e,-en tighLf"i

"":lenp.vcT our talk becomes intimate. he ~tops h rea thmg d Q,eply and s ti ffen S 50 th <I ~ h co won' L have tel feel himself. T fe braces himself. an attitude that expresse- 'I call In,-e:it: F'Il do it]" But this rnerclv cm~p,; up a much more pmfound fecHng of ·"What's Lhe usc? 1 ran't. 1 don't dare."

J could not help this man as much ;lS I wanted to, At the time. I didn': sufficisntlv llndE"r;land that without his squ~e7.ing: h!:"d collapse'. i di,ln-t realize how deep W~I"Ie! Ius fe.p.hn~ of rl:efcOlt. W1H~n he berarnc assertive to''io"o ~rd me, T. did nor gil-e in enough to encourage he Iormmg of his confidence. I reasoned with him, which reinforced his old passion for being SlJ brnissive

Sarah complains of stomach aches. -vagina] drynp.ss. and pain si n the I o~'1'f'r back nnd net: k. She ha s 50 paslll s in 11 2T 5tomad. that make it appeal" i(ll\ if she j<; 1 r~ing to dp.fecate Shf' savs she feels frantic

Her lhighs are fl:tbhJ on t11}C suzface, but deep illside. around 11u~ Dones. T (;{luItl feel that the muscles were ,,'ery tight I put prEssure em 1 he top fi<ut of 11('T thif!;"h muscles, which har] the E'ff('ct of tleepeuin.g- her breathing, She told me that ~Iw felt a shgJa vibration in her llehis.

'Vllen I asked her to rod; her pehis. she could not She arched her spine smd locked i1 hack Th is archedback attituuf' allowed her 0 breathe intu her abdnmen, which pI'lJ'tnll1t'd Inosclv, bul u, also tig-hlf'ned1'1('l'" rh~~L shoulders and neck. Her fare gl'''''' hot nrul a,gltatcd, ShE" "HIS somewhat aware of the rnntractcdness, but she didn -L know what to (h~ about the ... elf-c:hokiu!l;-

Todav T asked Sarah l.11p.3'11 oyer b n ckward and pIll hf'r palms agajn~l tile wall This. stretching hegan to H'lease the contractlons in her 'I tagh;;. and she h?gan to make ..,light pelvic movements orward ,~ ... itll ('aeh outbreath She then repurled a warm fi{m m her l{'g~ a nd a vibratory sensation in her upper back. <:Ind she told me that she had learned a lit11e bit about hm,,' tn help her e'lo;;6tat!on move throu.gh her feet and into he]" legs. HC'T lower back was 5t1] I cold, 'however.

It Vilas Lr,o.ny fll<;11 that I grasped the relationship bo-

YOU II. HODY SPEAX S U TS MIND

tween someone' s heing excited and m:. being ahle to experience thh person's excitation bevond the skin, PreviOlJ dy. Sara h's low level [If ('XciL~'mcnt had made it difficult rUT rile lfJ percei ve her excitato T field

Today she let her hreathing heighten. but her pelvis was nol involved, S11P. still ('ramp her t}lighs, When T mussag~cl the bac-k of her JlP.i.:k to help her let more SP.-nsation enter her head. her pelvis began 0 mnyp-b1l1 ">-ery slowly and cautious I::,", Shf' Etpp-e.ars tn h('_ Over('xcit('d. yP.1 sfagniHlt.

She Lold me she didn't know, ,hat to do with her pelvis. jt fell :.0 uncoordinated 1 $<11d to her. "~Vhy shnulrln't it be: h'~ [ike i3 babv takmg it" first steps." it is ~i~nifir.<:Int that after hin,ill!! experienced this peh-ic movement. slw W<lS ahlr- to e"-1m~ss aH~cr at me forwhat "he said was irony in my Yoir!:",

~\S Sarah stopped wabbin~ in lwr tllig-h.:_ she ht'gml Lo cI)Lq~-h, Slw became aware of wdnting Ir> expel ~o~ethmg from her chest. and I mg~f>:Stcd Gl1,}t she scream. Slw djd. and her jd\'\' be~dfl to" .ihmte I asked her if she wan I cd tn bite, because I hat was how i~ look f'rI , But ~hf' denied Illis,

She told me a hnut hav Ilig very little perCepll(1" (If her h-wcr lirn bs, S~n:~ said the" felt cold nnd weak. 1 n:ta~sii~d Iter knees, calves. aiddcs, arrri feel, and SlH:' be1£.t1l to cr)' It ''-.1S a lall~hlllg sort 0)( I ry. fill off surruwhr-re dfiWl] ill I h(' thruat, Her hreathing inlf'nsified_ und \ hen slu- .,r,)ortup she lk'l'!;an III vibra: e.

At I hi s pomt she was ~xpedenl·ing mtcnse pain in

Rl!:\ ~tATION.'i

the small (jf the back. The ]Jam frightened her, hut she accepted it and let go a hit TIns vC'ry slight If'tting-go in the small of her back ll"d to increased "ihnrting and even Geeppr breathing, A~ she remained st .. H1ding. the vihratiug bCg<ll1 to extend into her ])eh-,,,_ and she i?'20.]wri TI{-eQ djsHm::t sensatinns of eujopnf'n t nnd satisfaction throughout her pelvJ( area

Sudden ly she leaned forward iwd squatted. rler back Vii ern rigid. Her pelvis locked. Then she ("<"IUa ~ed to tile flOOT ,uld .... '~p1 softly She [[ltd me that mt' [,ricd because the expanding of her excitation mal~E' her feel ple."lsurable and \'tnmg~ and [or her, to Iw.l ljJemurable and VOUllg $!el'leratec1 fF"f'Ii:ngs of b.f'-lIl]e"'Snc~5 It \\ as wonderlu L she said. 1m l she \",8.<;; If'rrifit'd that her h<lr:k mlgh I IT"<lCk.

Tmfay I placf'ri my bands nn her pelvis to In:~lp h('1" hlC",]i7C the hiIJ contra ction s. AftC"T some difficultv. she fi nallv did _~o. l;Yea&: exc.iLatoTY "'la, "'_" hcgan to trav t"l ')lo,'d)' ami g("ntl~' mtr. hee pelvis dnd I highs. Her beE',;' I h ing df;~p~n('d somewhat, yet tll~r!' was a definitt> constrictiun III the throat, "l'hen 1 I III rr hed her Lh('H'. her breathing grp, ... 'Iuite' deep Ii 'turned into oJ g-ro,yling "'lund, and ~hc made sllckiJl~ motion-, with her lip~, Th~IJ she }lul her hand IlTL her genila ls. T .atcr stlf' ! uld me thai d~ep breathing pro\'okl?~ "f'rr~'ltinn;; hal ierrd ti) release lh<c contractions "in her throat, eye,,_ a nd brain. sna III Til ~ her to J f'd pleasure.

Todd Y _ lu L\ much greater exten L I hrm before. Sdnt II accepted Fed in~ 'into her thizhs l:Iw:i pelvic area. 111_'r

l:'OUR BODY SPL'lKS ITS MmD

field WHS a brilliant green. dear and vibrant like the ea ill sunshine. She could fed h€TSCU streaming. a I1d she told me that "he was semnally excited. although she fell that if she rontu,ued to cxpa nd she WOl1Jd suffer some sort Iff r:atasITophc. 11.'" an effort of YIoW, she tried to pre. vent her ex.citement fFOln f'ntenng her head. V?hen she stood she was c.:.m-romeh· anxious, bn~atbing- fast and heavily. shaking. '>lmggJing to get rid of her liveliness,

1 understood ! hat her iru rea sed exci tern en t caused her anxietv because (If a fear of disapproval. a .fe/:lr that her bodv'ssensations ,"'"ere IIut accepted b "others. Sarah could n-ot to]pnrl:e an incre ... sc III excitement when she experienced it in the fnrm of a need for touchjn~. an urge toward hf'ing sex Hal She registered it as anx ictv

T placed m.,~ hnnd:; on her tn affirm that she wesn' (llon€ in this dimension ~JF her bodily life This CllWmafted her to [f'f'l that }1Pr sensations l,"·~Te natural, and slw

\\~i:lo.; able tfJ receive them mfr. Lhe eonscious areas oj her hrain

. arah seems to be starting to form herself. ,he seems to be gm';l\inginto ~~ml~bl)d.r.

CONTRACTION AND, EXPANSION

Harry came to set' me in 19:1g--sev~rel)' contra~Led. cauoht in a lube-like existence in which t here wa.s Iiule rno::]: For the s a tisfactinn nf e-.;panding . rid gro\\ing l lis

life wns an unbending I j nc of frustrs tinn. .

'Ve began to work on his conlTOKted bnclci!Y atu tudes, whu·'!, !'!;llVC shape to bnl h his inner and his outer f' x i stencc=-to how hI' f f'] L ~mrl {hough t, and h nw h~ ~ved and. b .. haved A~ IT arry learned to give up II i~ contractedness raP. let himself expand, reinstituting l1le p...-ores.s of expansion anr] contrartion ,,·dnch Jormeri a new body. a new somebody

Harrv came to me with complaints of a draining o~te(lm ycl1 rir I csion in hi s leg. a con dition that had exis tcd for several rears and could eventuallj have led [0, amputation. He described himsel r a.~ H homosexual WIth a

YOUR BODY SP,~ I'I.KS IT& MIClfD

Prnl ~sb:m I. middle d"'H-iS upbriuglIlF!:' A L <I,~' thirty nine. I sis rna 111 di~s.,.lti<JfQ(_I inn in li ft· '1,"',1'9", that IJI" rnuld unt form .1 Lusting 11)1,,'"(' relatirmsh: p wit11 ('it her H rnart nr 11 woman.

H <lITY· s basic expression was sf iffncss, Hi s sti ffness was his way of heing. his way of doing. Iris W<lV of feel tug <lnd f'xpf'.rif'ncillg [~i~ bodilv set was compressed and ramrod-~tr.tight. It mHnifested it~lf ib pruud defiance However. as .,.;'(' later discovered, t hi~ pr:irlt: wur:eBlco feelings of being helpless and cosily 111 an] ,Plli M~rl_ F f>:Hing h.is weaknesses, Harry stiffened himself.

He was :..~verely eonstrirted; rleeply compressed. as ,if there ,,'"t. ... c U ri~d tube from h]~ ITwuLh in his anus. He ""'<IE built like <l pipe with stu ffin g p;J d; e(l a W LlUd it. a pipe that funneled O! ... ·erything from top to bottom, rhn .. n tile ha ~ ch i:I U Ii n uta gaHl_ An d he depicted 'his life expcrienr es in the same fa~hinn lTe-d ff'f!l some excitement. and the excitement would Tun down ! he' r-r= ann be gunC' almost as S[)(,1n as it had. h~gJ-U1,

The ramrod musculature Iirnitcd HaTHTs mobil it v.

His a bilitr to expand was impaired, A frustrationoriented person lilt'" J larry dn~ rrol pe>rmil himself to expa nd I J e flHm~,h, pnt'rgy h.m,;ud the 'wnrld, hul in a l'ropublvc. dinrrhctic \yay. not U1 an c"P"m~ive \'Vd)' The fulfillmcnt-orrcnted person 'is not afraid tr> ~yteml himself.

HaIT} resern hled an aged f{',etu'S His head was too large in propnrl W!J, L(I hi" hndy. lh~ Iorehead swollen as it the brain were n\'~r-;-I['tjya1ecl The rnuut h and jaws ]t.nJ.u:·rl_ st>nsua r hut rn isused, There' was it yoke armmrl I hp. m~d{_ 1:1 U} I 1<1 r n f tCITr ftc constri ct ton wh i eh seF a ,-.,t~ { 1 hfl arms from 1 he torso The arms were spindly tlnd d~~ jl.inLed-ha rnh, Y\TIstE, and forearms able to participate in un!y <I limited now of i.n.tpgrated activity, Their C;I,:-

pression was the ~(OIsp]ng and sl1utchinp; of a Frustrated chi ld. TD avoid disappointnrerrt, HtlHT 'kept hi~ n:mbl:CL .. peripheral and at a minimum, He 1.lEed his lon~ arms not to reach further into the wa rm th uf the world. but to grah from the wurlrl and 1.0 lwIrl hirn~e1J away_

Hi~ r-h,elit was hairless, depressivelyfiat, arid d1ilrlu:']'"'cnmpl ectcd than the rest of his bcdv. He breathed pri"18 ri I y with his 11 pper chest. h IlJ t aside fro m th at it rcvealed VGTV little movement, It , .... .'1:<. here Lila ~ Harrv still

~ "

,felt the rejection h~,lt~d t":>1pel'"icm:ed ;;J.~ an iuftHl L The

HOI ttaned r. hest w a~ u perfect expression of his hear-t felt riespoil r. Bursts of angcI-. futility_ and self-Icathinz !'om C rged from this part of hnn a 5 it Ioosened up

The lower ribs ~''I'~re \·;,.'ldeh- sn'l.('~d_indiratiJtilr a

... I": :'"J

continual pll11 jrl~-in of 1 he stomach nren, Harry told me

LI klt .1 bulging abdemen was feminine and disgusting, L<,{ou have to keep your guts luO'ld ]:11_·' he said_Harry didu'r feel mucb wnh h!Sif.rut~_

The top bAli ofh IS hodv was contracted but OVCniKtiVf', Ry nm tr.'] sf. h is bllttod~s fill d leg:; 1;3. ppc-area soft. but U II: tissue showed little tone The t hie k Ia vers 11 f toneless {<:It expressed a passiveness that behed the r]ug oj tensiun Mound lhe root of hi_" pffili~_ n~rry h~ui h~gh '~pa'Sti( arches, and healso hpt hi~ Legt> pressed tOgetJU'T .. pr('Sc~rug- him~ .. H as riU- off the W-01md as he could squcl2':zc. The fls'teumyeHlt5 +hat would not heal was in part pointing out ]lis l1nwil~1.ngnes5 to come dO\'l/11 to earth and alluw cxcitcm crrt to flow into 'his It" g~,

The rigid. inf a n til p structure of Harry's body set 'Severe limits (111 what he could do and would do. His constricted ailHuda~ narrowcri the pOS5Jbilities avails ble tn him. His tu ~HJ 18 r form was un a bls [0 en n tain plp.<H'u re, uraa II le to (~xperi Cl1CC pleasure nn any ] eve 1 11 e)mnd t hat

150

of 11 he simple ... I, most ... uperficial cxcits tiun He' perndved on the zierve Iev el - he eX"pf'riena>d nerve "pleasure jnstead nf !:flIt plpa.,t]["(', He h.1ld the p1f:<I~lUC of culturepride1 ambition. one-upmanship. :Bul hr' did nut hove l he pleo!;IJrc of sa IjsJyillg his deepest tlt>_~in.'.s· for contact, for '111'13 rrnth, Ior fuller self e ... rpressinn and achievement.

Han r felt t1HH. hc was tra ppcd, that life ,,,,TaE 1lOpE less and he was useless. But with hi!' immense head energy he rationalized hi: way of b~in~ Tt was i:I Jlhilfl~ oph y' IIi restrjl ted flew T errified nf his 0\,.1 exp,moing. H.u-nT felt j hat he rlM'Clcd to b~ an imrna lure child in order to survive ~Felr. Thi-, powerful .net)d to remain irnmature gaye fWTI1 to hi!-. budv, as well 1I~ to his feelings and his Iife-stvle.

:\'1aklu~ the conncctiun between [10\\ Han" lin ked and hOllY be expressed hirnsr-lf verhallj- and 8C.lively was 21 "l,Tcry e.\.("Lling disruvery fnr rne," I started II' -:'('C that the tighLr.les.s throughout his [~'nn served as 0:1 £Found for hi. eo-m pulsiy€ 1eh .. rvior, I flo,; inside anrt outside had I hp ~dmc energetic qualities.

Harry bega:l1 II. tell UU;? shout his inuf'r rigidities' his fear !If b-eing drowned, hi,;; fear of bew,l;:" I I verwhelrned and w .... Iloweri. ilis fear (\f 1o-sing Iris pt>rll'5. his fear or being sq neel_en and ~ u ff 0(' nted all d 11 at h<'l,ring room tn move Exerything \,\'".IS compulsive. His contact hungerwas as compulsive and as iUIf'IlSC as his self-hatred, his feelirJ~8 of futjlity and npthingnes~. J Ie would ~~(8pe

·,\'JUu"lrn EcielJ rsported Ihi~ d .. i!'(:overy in Function o,f tbe Urg.rum_

151

intn fantasies. or he'rJ spot some i.nju~ti(c and go iru .. a hvsterical rn~c. bl.ll his ragf'. never changed I he situa1to]l and he'rl ~in.k once .1gain irrtn despi'.l iT, He Hlld he rnlti"m100 tension :iu order to "fed a11\,.,_-· He experienced Ow excitement hum of terrsion a,: alivenes ... : [myUJin~ else len him with doprss .. ron and a sense 01 impending death.

~ \nd yet he wld me. "The minui e T feel ~f';;:ua] [f"Tlxion J h ... ve an irnpcrntive llrge t.1 get rid of it. to W'I ,t out. lo !let it nIT me," He couldn't bear b~ing alivetoo lcmg H"? roulrln t stand the possibilin' or frustration or disappointment So he would UlaS"turb&le-Tight awav-eOr h(,'a run out and snek sOnlE'hoih' off. ur he'd fiml scme 110dy tn snrk him off H ... even seduced the 1.11.1'5 in 11H.' school where he was H teacher ,~o relat iIH1Ship la ... red num than it coupl., uf suck-offs: thai ~\;1': the \, a~- Harry ~tnlCturf'rI his world .Hi~ existence rcntcred around the mouth • md surk ing }-]f"- Jived ill a world Ill. <,w·kcrs.

He was a s.hopliftcr ton. He liked money and muterial ohjscrs, and it he wanted 5mnf'll1illg in a litore he tuok it. irnmediatclv He was unable to contain himself. It all \, ent dnwn the pipo

To compensate rur his illsPrudty. H~JITY was ~pnan) b i tious, He '" arlO: i nteres lR. n in pIa _y in g po1i li r .'i- in pD\Ver and control He tool sides strrmgl v and coustnntly fought with authorities. diO;:J)laving Jri .. fundarnenta] rebollion agaiml the good hW'f mle. TIeing a !,!:ood. bo~ meant vleasing others ami satisfvi If!'!; their expectations. Hf!ing a gn,od bo, meant not reach in~ OUL. nut il'SIdnK It meant dfJrnpil1g down (Ill 11I!i exci rarien and dumph r¥ it It meant snatchiufl; ,,,-hat he \V<lII ed Harry deepl~- resented having Ln do this, and )'P-t the su..;tllinen renderness .. f reaching nu t was snmethi ~l~ that sr·aced him even more rlvcph . r Tis hano'i hOld hCCOUlf' rlistancing orga (1"_

1 ]~r:n; did c.xp:re-s. s sorne tenderness. but the' Lendern {'S'$ he cx~ressed was nu twei ghcd by Iris co m pnlsi \"f,' 11lU1g~r5i. His tenrler 'k·!..,] ings turned in! n ding-ing 1 Ji~ Teaching L;-rrn~d into a" hungry. d~.~r nu:tivc snatching and grablnng and da\'nng. E.Vf'n when he tried to he kiwi lu people. he ended up pinch.ingthcm and grabhing ut them

!lar.r-r's: b~dv 'f€\'e~led a Humher of ncn-eonscicus organrsrmc ChOlCf'S. d~,o,rC:B. th.rt vcero necessitated bv and P.' .... pressi\'f' ~~f nmcitiUTI5 he had met in earlv lile'· j II urder I.u surv i Hl those conditions. hI" had If'<Irru'~i l., CI.mfi 11P. his ex c i toment to hi s- lU:'ii''H1. ThHT'I,- - s cnt iI"(' ex pression was "~rtica1ly oriern ed, rhrectcd toward a proud cerebral up ng;htneq, lh:'ill was formed by' Jus tube around l1i~ ..,pi r Ie, l T ~ riM [rom his bodily fe-ars in.Lo cnlLf:"'pto;;_ jdp.~ I i!"o(!tlons, J ffS Iifctook place in h.IS fa n l'iI~ic" mHi I hUII~hts And his sexuality , .... <le'> .in hi~ head, as pil'tl)Tcs: that h~ tho ufl;hr we uld bri ng I Lim satisfaction.

It ",·a.s clear tCJ Harry tha L h", had tflkP.'p.~) hi5 excitemel] l l(l~kcd\~":i~hin the '1-.' d Ils of his crartiurn. The a?xpcriencc ofmhabitwg I fa' \'1,- hote of h;~ hlldY\,!{El5 terrifYillG fo.l'" him. .l h-' '''lI'a~ disembodied .. and he - drearled lei t~ug himself be hodily, He would not pemlit his exeitcmcnt to move down out of his J If!.ad.;']J rd !!:,rnw I owcrd the earth

Harrvs hony form related. closclv to his interest in intorinr d''''nlrati;l~, He based his ;5tn~6ithiLV on a n titLitude of pride and a: great [ear of e"'_paml~dnc~5, And fruUJ this; bodily .. tate hp .-l'l".o'::Ilf"d hi~ art It was 0'1,'('[delicatc-c-a fine"]}' lp.xq_ui~iLe ,1Tt _ T'he-re was no womanly

--

force in it, n nne of the Hum d, s tn:m~, fnrcef u] ph~im:1 of earth and. mother. H::is act W.Ll so fragi le. It liA'H ~ l h]'I1 in form, delicate of line" holding forth a less fearsome hut bru tallv restricted wnrld.

Han-y was scared of 10 ving a nd bern g 1 nv ed. His ejac ulanom \-'\'ere as fragile as hlis. art-highly excited un the surface. bUL l~ding I he feeling- uF [u II bUrlllj!~ connectedness, His (-hnml( . rigidity cut off 111S pu Isatinns and streamings, l('ttving him with only his vibrations, His conseiousness of feeling was limited to his senses, torus pictures, to thE' pffi php.ry uf }u<; bt'lng_

Love to HaI'T}' meant slavcrv .. nd dependence, He had sacrificed hisbodilx self to his familv's insistence that he relate to them a~ a non-sexual person_ He had surrende red his rn asr-u J i n J L Y <:I rrd Iii s f rf'e~ lorn b v assn min g ~ hf" several j" restrict i vc- r 01 (' of "n icc boy. - -- J\ 11 d fu;~ was frightl:'nro of hnving to make more 'Sacrifices. of havin.g again to become dependent. pleasing. contracted.

To love and u: be loved wer= both r1anwr:; to his f'xjGlem::e_ "r!mn ~.omP.bod_r got clnse LO him h~ Fell Lh,aL he wag going to be L~HlghL tr a pped_ f'n~l~n'('<L He wanted to be Ioved episodica 1 lv, He wanted hotel-room sex. with none of the [)ngoingr.~5s of a long-term relationship He prefE'.rred to Flay gas-station attenrlant- I service ) rm: you service me. l Ie ~." anted no demmuh fllllced on lrirn. He did not wish to love annther, and he certain lv nmld not Inve himself

And vet the chid paradox of Harry's life was that ffilerythi:ng he did "I .. vas a desperate 5earcll forIove, <li des-

154

YOUR !!:'lOllY ~P'EA,K5 ITS fiNn

perate search for the feeling of beIng loved. He y~m.'D.ed for the feelill~ or being accepted ITf' longed for t}u,' love of snrneone whu would give him security and, ... u ppflrt J f e wanted tj , [eel warm, he \'\ a n ted to feel re Iieve d of h 0 s hurts and 111$ tensrons, he W<'J nted to feel tha L !>omefmc> received something from him and gan" h.im somethin g in return He wanted tll runrrish himself nrr these fee1iI1;!!s.

He pretended Lv 0(1 this for ullien;, He taught seho'ol. and he would sa~·. 'Tm taking Care of the bovs. Th- bovs need a father. and I'm gh in~ them what i never h~d rnvself," Hut .rctnallv-i-and Hf!T'Tlr" later tuld me ol. much -=it wasthe boys \~:hu w,erc caring for hj rn. H'I.' acting concern ed, Ire boca me 1 h e 10 ved I me. >-

Harry was lhe nne w}lt1 nt"wcd the love and i:lc(.,epl· uncc. Yet }H~ had a terrible time admitting this to himself. He'd ~ out and ge sucked ofL fHld then say, --See, 10"1 gnring somelitlrlg -that's aCCf'plpli,-- The pick:up s.!:',. uality expressed Harry- "in m!H1~' WEl.}"'S_ Hut rnust lv it expressed his .r~~pJ;'mt(' way .,f j!eltiug and gnring-io"lc.

HillTy'S behavior- was all at.le-mpt to have plf'if'lurc like a r-h ild, He lla:d never bpeu satisfied, ne~ .. er lHld the cxperience of ht'"ing filled. A 11 he recalled was the SITe'S!> of deprinltTOll

Pleasure Jll~lyS D ,'ery important part In 1h .. proCl:'5<; o[ how on!" forms one's self 1\- c do not du trmt which is painful unless we a i'llSO ~ utelv have In Basicall V. our pleasure is tied. in ."'" i th om· grm .... ,lh nmI den!lo};menl But if nnr fo:rmaLi\-r process is d:ni$LIc:ally inhilritedr nur capaclty fo:r plea_~ure is inhibited just as drastieallv And

CllNTft. eTrol" }lND EXPANSION

if our-activities become associated w-ith frustr vtional feel inss, it takes ~.p"'c:ial wnrk ter TeOTITillli7C ourselves.

e- ~

around pleasure.

Harry h!i d u peat deal of clliffiu'llt_," ill F erm.i tting his reorganizing. the re-forming I)f 11i~ bmi_v_ ami lhen was an an<1Iogue to that in the gr(,1'l1 rl:iffiu1ay he h.ld irl permitting piecaslJre in he act of ]0'\-'('. His pleasure was confined to geu..in~ TId of his excitement. to making quick contact); a nd !rcti:Ull! served.

All the ~i:lmc.-wl1a '-gave Harr~,. Iht' " .. ·mingness to chang~, W1.l~ that 11t:? began ~o f~l lh1!t hi .. O\VI1 constric- 110m were. strangling him His efforts <It satisfaction 'were not giving him pleasure, and yet he could not f":t:, pand mtn annlher l"'-ay of living. In ~nLerjng- into the work we did. he began to discover rh{, possibility of be:ing loyful He ~x}lerlentf'cl 111ut containing gavE' him pleasure; Fatlle.- than compulsively trying tH gc>1 rid of 11i., exr itement, he found thai the sustained contnct of ~hryjng with himself or with uthers guve him a more deepl~'f ..-,a li~fym g shape, In this fashion be moved toward taking responsibility for his OVl"l1 life feelings_

1\ ly main concerns with Harry were the voke around his neck, the tube-like contractedness that ran tJu" length Ilf his tnrsn, and the mtarference to t1lfl f.'xc:i aton: flow thr~)LlghouL his pl"h'if ~f!nitGI Jl'egl0!1,

T bl!glill working '''''ith the pelvis, helping HarTY tv recognize the F<l.ssjyity there. VVe soon found underlying spasms. including the tight ring around the root of the pe'nis. The squeez ad legs and the rude of tension pre--

YOUR BODY SPEAKS ITS: .MIND

vented the movement uf exrited fcdings intn Jus lower ~mdJ' They also pre\ ell t~d his perception of the S"F. fll-elmgs

As we worked t •• open the st]ueezing a rtitude, som-, tiring ltallpeneo. something visiblv chang~rL. There wag A rio VI nward flow of excitement, a [[It,\'!,; IJ F blloorl I asked Harry to tell IDe- what wa« going r.Ul in him He reported the fc>elings of. a live II C!oo !l_ 1IIl1 he was also experiencing acute anxietv I Ie didn't know how to deal with these new r~~lU"i.~, und they were tremendousl v l1p"eUin~. 1 If' run ~d not maintain an awareness jlf hi~ nwn ali'lj".2- ne-ss Either he drifted in t II f a n t airc.s-----fa ntn ~ cs 0 f fie eiu~ across an open Spit Ct' _ fantus i es of devouring and h Pl n~ denHJl'f"d-ur t'ls'I:' he passed out to ge"!. av.aJ Irom senting h{w',- heavy and dead the- rf>~L (If him felt Thi s was precisely how, as a ch i leI. he had avoided feding rejected and terrifieel.

:'\W<:lT('ncs~ is directlv related lo molljl ifv ;md rnotilit}'", H~T1'}'"'E bodt re v e'il~d some orcas. lik~ Iris mouth, that 'were more mohile, These areas contained hIS excuerncnt: they held goud tone and mntHit) _ And these wf'rf' his aTf>8S of consciousness, lli~ !'>eH ~xpn_·~SIVl.' areas, Tn lht'. llL her nrcas of his bod ...... t IU·~Tl! ' ... -as fear. and therefore consciousness was impermissible. Harrv's llllC1l11S0011S areus. Iike hi« fie] vif ano neck, were hardened and du 11_

\Vllere one has deep muscular nmLr<'l("tioT1~_ om~--; Im!1:y image is distorted. If pp.nptl· draw pictures of them-

rh-,es or imagine themselves or scan their bodies, ihev skip over llLf' parts of themselves that are dpoP.ply contracted T'hev are numb to lhf;<;'~ p<l rt!'i.nlf;"_~e pnrrsnre i!iSA$wdated. from their llodll:-' pc n.: epti om. Because of the chronic contrartinn arnund the TOot of his perris, HaITY didn": (ef!] LhH L i I be 1 ong-oo to him, He tol d me

CONTRACT10N }iND li.,'!fI'ASSJnN

1- - '11

again and -agel iu tha L h., wivlrcd it didn't belong to him.

that hf' wi .. hed he dirln't han a penis at all -

"'hole n Teas of movement and feeling-. nf resp()n&~ and decision, were ou tside Han-y'!, sr:op-e_ [[e did nut know th~f existed Fur in ~~Hnre_ he dirin-1 ktilwl HlaI he could extend hl~ bud~' in any way other than straight up and down. He had rio idea that he could rotate his shoulrieL" ,rno look behind him while hi s pf!h is; was still gui!1~ forward. If he turned. he turned 0:11 ~ riYOL The flexin{:!" and extending mnvernents involved llil r ...... lstin~r himself around were pl:iminal~d from hl~ repertoire because Iris hodv irnage ,:jld [lot !'Jil11 rtion them. And so he contracted lhe rhnrr-e:s.lhnt hewas able tn make,

As Harrv began 'to let hi" excitement soften hi" stillness. he also became ('lln~(:irlU': 01 1hl" fear 111<11 .,\'<1" f'O:Iu"irl!{ him in :.Li.ffi:'fL Rut it Took him flult(' ;.1 while to develop f'l u ew body i rna (Toe that would ena ble hi rn to mainta in

- l':1

the a.livC'TICSS without sucrumbinp tn the [par

A flaw l'lr energy intn hi~ dl~L pr~ ,rtnu"d i1 rnhl awareness of Ih~ lon~ Lh1:lt fH' lal:kE;iL a fll of crying-_ ~l1ld then rage ur rif~p r cssion, ur both A flow of rl1Cl-g'i into hi" pF'h'i'i produced dTsgust at himself and Jus sex. followed hy intense anxiety Harry found himself afraid to ~ct an erection and afraid not to gf'1 1I1if'_ In hi.; rnnrueut 0;. of helplessness he d .. clared h{n,r rrmch ho wd"uter_l1tl snr-k. to gra b. to yank in. Snrnet im~ he blacked out, L1g1tathl1£ his tlnil!y hy~!er~u .. [lv, Ai other times he threatened 10 atlark rne, aud t his led ITl turn to Iris ?;ishing to damagE" himself. the self that hf' hated.

YDL'lt BOD'r Sl"EAK~ ITS MJND

At one point he recnunted an itrn87.in~ tory. I dnn't remember how it r'arne !.D'p- but lhis is what he told mc~ .. A t a ge ~e' .. ~n l e'en T went aut and joined the ~"\~ <IV v _ I camp, home arid broke the news to UlV mother, and that night 'love lay in bed together_ She lay "next to rue. her ass to my front. And 1 (Jrot so f'xclled_ Sri c.:h<lrgf'rI. L!1<tl T almost went berserk. The uu]" thin IT T cou rid do was deaden

. ""

nlrS~U."' 1 ast.erl h im how' he had deadened himself, and

be said, "~I sliffened up inside. all O·;CT. • He dared not have <In prer:tion. S'O 11(~ tightened up and formed the C011- "'lriction 0.1 the root of his penis that kept it out of touch. He made himself rigid and blank

~4"t this juncture we both uuderstoud that J rarrv could permit t'~ci!."'Iliou. l)llt he would not permit the excitemerrt Iv develop into feeling and action. \Vc both f!arned the insigllt that a person can ha ve a hell of a lot of excitation and very Iittle r f'elln,F!:. There _~ [1 ~l.ippp.d stage in the for-ruaLivts~~llem:e. M015t of the containment stage if; mi. sed. and the person goes straight from excitatorv expansion to reflex. l..lup-articipatmg discha.Tge -a kn~'it'rk -rcsponse to ~ljlTLulus, hi narry's nwn "" nrris, "\"i{hcu I fecE'l P.AL"1tf'ri, 1 ~ott.., get rid of it .;

Tl1C women ill r l an-y''\; family lavished a _great cleat of excitiug atten lion upon him-teasing him. titillatmg Irim, But if Harry let that excitement build up. the \,\T(lmpl'l rejected him, So he Iearned to hf' f!fraid or il. and in order to be safe. he learll ... d to ~et riu of it. He formed the pipe. which cumai nt~d not hiug Maintaining the plpt> got rid oJ ... ,'ha1 1 hreatencd him, But then Harrv felt dead He r-Buld feel so depressed and un-alive tl~a1 he would p;:·mi,·~ he would rush nut and fmd someone to sud. L.I ch.'lrgc.hi.mself back up again_

\lIlp really went thrnJgh the rni] l Logether. But after

CONTRACTION Ai'liD EXpANSION

several months HaIT)' IlP.gan to percelvl" that lmder all "hi~ hvsteria was a lon~ng ~rtd a sadness and an ~mptiness, - G ra rlu.all y he allowed himself to experience lhesp feelings. and tn -exl)priem:c the ~{Ufj lita live diffcrenre bp.· tween excitemen and (~ling As he sohl"m~d enough to feel his ernptiness, he begl'l n to recogni7.C ho\'I,' emotionilly irn p()l.-f'r-ishf'rl and undernou rished he acwan~, was.

All tither .5 tory he told me: R i)o mother used I J) ge t undH~:'_~t!d and gLl to the washhow I tIl w ash, Hnrry lov~d to see her naked Ihl"r~: hp. used to masturbate while watch ing her One time. '''I'-anri.n~ lo approach lwr mere intim(l t I;' 1)'. he set himself up 50 I hH I ~he would ('.,,1 k h hi m masturbutiug He lay en the couch .lirp.dl~' in front Ilf the bathroom door. His mother carne eml .Ii the hathroom. saw him jerking- ufL and didn't Sil)' a , .. nrd_ She walked 011 bv him LIS if TIolhiug were happening_ He never (nrgaw~ her for that,

Hury f~J l deeply and persona lly cheated bv the worrn-n in hI ... Jamilv, As a baby, he hod bP.ell Ied • .. "illi an cvedropper Hi_ ;unuH'r had ken imposing. 11f'Il1anding~ she continually I lrreatened to withhold the love that "he was never r(,all) uhh' Ln gi~'e Hut it wasn't only lIi~ mother 1 Iis aunts, too. duriTl~ 111,0; f!:ToVl-wg years. consistentlv maligned the men in their live-s Hi s father had IW1. awav arrd Ill .. uncles had gone off bl lhf' \\'odd War. and the WOlTIt'n Iiked ll' sit around the house lrrgcther I:Uld disparage the rnert Thev made all forms nf mascul irn+v ~t'em unacceptah I c. Harrv recalled. for oxample, thai th,,_'v dressed h11l1 in girL, dntlring_ .A..nd he

resented that terribly. BuL even stronger than hi~ resentrnent was. hiR fp.a~ uf being r~je~'ter.l_sI1 h~ ]e..rncd tn tajlll'r hi" mm.~l"'men~'i II ~ girl ish pattf't'u~1 hil L In(' WOTIlen would fin.d acceptahle. HI:' also I earned to th in k the waJ they did, He ~i1.W all men as weak slaves incapable of l1eing true to themselves. 13y escaping the slaver;' of ml3.11- hood_ by taking rill the ~f'''llBl rule of an pf[,eminate child. h€ r ref'rl r, i msel f f rum t he hurd ('TJ of he i n g a rnJ~ band and prtn-ide:t_

The ,"-urkwc did helped Harry to discoverthat his homosexual "frcednm" was itself a slaver)" He saw that he W<LS enslaved to his need for episodic contact. that he wasin bondage tIl hi~ conflir t hf'LWP.~H w~u'l~~ng to pleifls~ women a1.ui resen~ in:!! 1hc Gb.ligatlOll to please them. A~ we rlid exercises to help him experience his legs and pelvrs.Tie began to .e:-.prf'S~ the feeling lha L ]o\,jng; meant pellet1-dting and b~ing- I~ IH:I(I mf'~nt h~'ln~ pcm~ln:lrt'd R~' fore" hf" said. hl'" II~d .rvoided penetration, even in hi~ cncnun Le.n, ""1 t h rrrert He had preferred to stiffen ]1;5 spine and !:ofJek.

Later on.. H arry ~~n t 01:] ,. a cation wiJ h some wo men schoolteachers end irtuiated goj rI~ I~ I bed wit h om~ uf them. But h" h .. d d~fficu lty taking part in the lovcmn king. He was ;;,1 ill ern bodying a tremendous a mount of resentmen t. HI? still felt that while he Vi; a 5 en title d to lnve, i}L{' woman didn 't deserve to gE't any lu v t" from him He resented pa'i-inglhf' "I1ilh~ he resented ~ving up his s.penn Mainly lip r~!lted what he saw ·[lS ha"ing to perform:_ He could nut Let himself I"e-lax sufficiently to understand that making Inve with a woman \~aS anvlh:ing oUu;o:r than performing.

The movement I was encrmragingin our ,",'{Irk 1ngcthcr was 01. flow no", ... 'nw<lrfJ. which involved askin!! Harrv to relea se some of hi 5 cu J1 L rae lions to permit th c po~ s j b~ 1 itT of a uew kind of fulfillment. A:i tllingl;o were, H~ITV had only- hn1 \\'ays of ro...-yress1Ilg: lilt! UO\'Hlw.ard movement of hi~ c"cjlemf'nL One wav wns out thp rTp~'" and the other was the ho[cli:nm- or Ireezinn attitude, Buth wrrt" unsatis-

,.., ~

Iactorv, So we ,'·ork~d nn rleveloping pnttcJT1s 1 hot! wIH11~

a lloV!..'" him to cxper i to: nee 1 hr himse If that Ior man y fed .ings_ l he pe lvis ; 5 a het11for 1":0 n tamer than the 11 end: Th i .. rrteanl, that Harrv had t~, 1.11:' wining rn let Iris olrl _'vorl{l cl ie-the world tl1at he had formed sn ~"f'rticany and rigiill y -and 1'1 t I hf' qHU f- time he lin rI I u hE'; wilEn£!; to let his~ ns ~". world cx:pa n (L 'I"i ilIing to explore il h c ·W~ J~r h 1 ];31 1- era 11)' as. wen as up and down:

Much !o his surprise, Ha1T'r be!!l'll ~ letting g'(1 <Old ac('oepting excitation .i nl 4.' his pelvi.s. He ("Ol] ld now perc-eive that his fnrmativc dllJiret- were conditinned h) past even ls, [~I>.' could 01160 sec that L II f! i mrnediate n~tlli t y rrii gh t he ~x perif'fic:ed withou t rcf·eT·~ nf'(-> to past n egu1 jvP' canditioninz.

In thepast Harrv had Ttl tionalized his ovP.T .reacri .... cness by ca1ling it "sensit ivitv _ t He saw himself H~ une of tlw elite. But when 11C opcnt'd lh~ r:u'uP' r.f tension around hix pe-ni::. awl really began 1 r, fe.;-I T 1:1<l L he WQS Ct}lLILE'cted tu a ~~OE:k_ 11 ... Lf'!T<.iu to feel much le_~~ bound to the ideal

l'""

of being forever gl'uLle and sensitive, 1 Tf'; felt the thr-ust

of his pelvis ru:u:1 pen is, and all of Q sudden lif' was inter ested in penetrating, {If' was moved to C]l{pTt_~5~ 11 Le assertivn .., ide of hi mself

One d.ay- M great chrm!i!P uurW about. I asked Harrv to assume a pu~ L li Oll of hy P C'-C'''I; te n~l on. lealling liver backw ard with his arms mrtstretch eel _ S LJ ddenly a con-

"'fOUR BODY SPEAKS ITS MI:i'm

traction in his ahdump.n ~Rve WilY and he started to scream. ~e couldn't lu·(·,i.lthc and iu~ totally pan Irked. turned dirf erelll I ,,1 {J r s, and finally collapsed In 1 hf' floor 11.i~ wasn't one of his ordiuarv blackouts Harrv had reHlly become a hdples. .. habv. 'unablp even to stand, T picked him up. carried him 1[; l he rouch, and Iistened I o u11 his hurts; come bur.,lilJI! thmugh-all his Jumgp.T for love. his [orhidden infantile longing rur r11l:...P. contact and aCfE'lllance. He ll:'t it pom' nut or hirrt. anrl1h{C'n spent thf' \yeekcncl in my house If'-.lLirrg- himself be taken ("!'Ire of

This was the turu ln ¥ point for Harrv Thf'rf'itth~r. he could h~'{;iJl r. I rrm~l rurt n world [hal l~1 "orne extent .gratiJ"it>d I he deep urzc Ior Iove iu" h,Jd hecn denvin n

He '''<1S progre:>qiH~ly ;i 1.1(' to free himsell 'frm~ I he enslavement that hi .. mother reprf'~ent~l-ill terms of both hi .. rlf>IH'rIdcncC' upon her ri uri h i~ rcbe Iliousness agaiHsl her. He Wew 5trong~l'". more confident, and If'~s j rnpn h,LVI':'. He L,citere\\ I Iu- ru-ed for the stealin n- dl U i lhr:

. - ~

<.;nrdld sexual adveururns E .... T.'TI the o:~tpllfrr\'f'l il il bleed-

ing eventua 11 ,. ~1.lPpJ:'d, It stopped aflf'r 1 rar~'y C.I.mC' back from taking,;j Irip and realized lhnl !u" hnd g-one awav iiI e-scapf' I hI' excitement (If his nW!1 forming, '

\YiJ 11 Hnrrv, I heAd n lo pt,~rcl['lYC how it I s that hl)d lh- P,""citation forms ~ pl"l'"~on. how thp PXCilalorv nuw determines th~ lu~dY'5 configw'a,Liou;-u, rl 111!':irnll~mt of charge tha l llip p('rson can C"mnfur-t;j h I)" handle. J also begarl tL I see whrrt happens ,,\111"11 someone begins to Teorgj-!I1lzf' th~> flow of his exci terru-m,

In working- "Yllh J Iarrv I pnrred to my <;i1fisfartion that our chronic T"i.erirlitj~ do indeed restrict he fln .... ur nu r ene:rg..,", ,Vhen Harrv le l gn of ius contrarti on s, he wa ~ HOlldf>d with a stream of exr i ta li un and cxpcri en rn. Evervt hi n~ h ... d:id ~n re-establish fhl' CiFCUIa Linn of his excitement made rhimges in his life-p hy:";itaU y. PSychologically. and S(,{"i;llhr,

For Harry. Iearning' III .m~ pt his body and to wnrk wit.h himself was an act of lure, d wiHingnes.s to love in W<1yS- tho-Il \-"'E'1t' neither humiliatina rmr self-destruetive. He HCV('r f!"Tt>:w 10 love a woman sexual Iv; bis hurts and resentments Wr:'Tf' roo hig I or that. He finn llv rear herl tbe puint. though. when' I!c I'fCln' up his kiddie nonsense .mrl "if! IIII"-Cl f nr an ongoin g relationshi p " I t h a m an, He Iiadn ' t been able Iu dn rhal before. And I really l.rnrlf'r."tnod· heterosexuality is not the only ,goal Harry C)'-piln d!:5d :iull) a relationship thathad continuitv lind meaninrr. He

J t'

was livin!! I'l fullf'-r. morf' forma tive lifc-an'f'pl,lug-llollr-

ishmcnt from the love If ntht>l"'_ and e::"'_-p[(,5sjll~ his uwn Iove so as to form n continuing- c.unn£'ctedn(lss fOT him ~t' If L h <II ga \' e Iiini de-I:'p sati sfncti on ,

\Vhen Harry first camp In st"f' me, he was someone 01 neuter gender. H(' had heen irQ7en <J!'.- a _rou:ng child In the I}n)(:e<~ of watching him lU1U:CC7.C. T had !lit' "'ppm runIt;; lu observe !IF)\\ a person begins to relate ttl the tll'pnsite SeJI:" lim .... 1 mitll' .. energy starts moving toward H VI I unan a nd wha t hap [I-e ns when it does_

As a result of worki nO' with 1 Iarrv I beo'an to under-

~ '" D

"taml 11Ilf' n lher thing: tl great IILl::lrty men hold to a con-

YOUR ]JODY SP:EAiKS IT ~mD

tradictory attitude I hut sirnultaneouslv idea1:izf!s and abuses ''I nH1Nt .-"\ rnrm is taught to adulatf' his mol her. ro set p.ac.h lAdy of his acquaintance un a p~rh'~1" 1 and nn h I Y P rotect her. And. then l ~ I ill I n~.rI1 h er - to belittle her womanly strengtb. lo d~i'iJiC o subservient rolf! tflr her. to keep her around fllr the purpose of pornugraphicall" £uclJng her.

] m]llemcllt ing the roles of wha l d V\ urnan should be gil?'.,; dlon1'l:" with pUl"5uing. certain rolf's ot what " mall shu]] ld be. The rnajoritv of lhe roles presented ill the f aslrirm magazine;;_ on <;t<lg-€_ ,md in the movies <In? both idealistic and ("onII;TJ] ptuouo;.. A woman is either 11 whore or a qU€-f:lLll sexzoddcss or LI. skinnv girl wrth shurt hn ir and nu b~·f';.!st!5- A man is a macbu ~lr <I filg¥tJl~ a gangster ur ~i rnilqucto .. st, a 1'01 u~ ~ If .! clown.

,VOlllen.. llr n1lJf"l'_ arc not entirely the innocent v it' tU1IS. ~\nHrnber of them. enamored o(lhe silud1iofl_ heIp ttl peqwluflie- il-~JlO"-illg sorm [rrr tl-w rnan \" .. 110 1sn't lQugh __ ,-r"f pnli~ing the hmllmexu;;Iil tor being rule and srnart, o'lJJd sensitive The women. too. agree to settle tl ~r L-t~hiuHa blc thrills in pl;-KC of ullo,",ing the grariual hu ild il1g and emerging uf their own enf'I"gf'[ ie' f'\T itr-rnout.

Thf' ff!m~J.lc and the male roles arc going through a.

Cl'i"L~ of re-formation As UU1 Iuhn \\ ayn€ hnagf' begins lu th>fl;, rc, the 5uppres~t':rI feelings nf m=n wari! in!! 111 bf' closer and mort> teuderwith others heg-in to m .. nifest thernselv e.::- d nrl these feeling;-s an.' at first denied and covered up. Or. if sxpressed. t hev arc expressed nut in inriiviriunl terms but in ~ erms of a sten'lol)'pf' l ha L ~v~r:r om" n I ready recognij'_~_~_ such <I:; the ass ~lappjn~ of t he foolball plilj'p.r or the clever ef(ennnfJCY of the stock homosexual. A'F. men giy,p up th(~ir macho stereotrp-e:s. and hecnrrH' less rigid. their r.s!J1fcityfor tenderness increases.

Co.NTRM::TTON 1!,I'il.ll F.XPANSION

But many of them Jack the individual maturity and flexibilitY to cont8~n imd express these tender feelings. They arc unable tv let tbill tenderness deepen. S(J either th€); reject it out of h'l11i1 or UlP.Y make do with the role of "heiner superficiallv sensitive, F.quli!Jll ""_ the woman w110

I:l T-. -

rejerts the rule of goddes.s and servant seeks (Jlf'a~uFf' hy

imitating rnale aggressiveness_

DllTing the past few yean; we have at last begun to develop s0I11c ycry different images flf what it IS to be a human being Nowadays .1 man can. be sensitive and he n:rn be assertive. HE! can be erther one anrl he can be both And a woman can be both A woman rluesn"L ut-'ed to surrender her s.f'rlsiti\ity in order to be able to assert herself

EXPANDINC OUR SELVES

lNhen our bod\" Ioses it" I~e1in~. , ... '(' 105(" our connectedness to ourselves and io others. And then we searrh for something lr.1 believe in. If uur hfld,- rtnl:~ no! feel the glue of connectedness, we lr_y ill ](}[.;Hle God. life. somewhere out there, f}r else. projecting our own deadness, \,\H~ s~_r that God is df'ad_IlHll 1.1f(' on ~arthi~ doomed.

The persnn , ... 'ho is the core of his lift' i., lhe cure of ol]. Iife. Rf!GHl5.(, he feels .. "hal l.L~ uwn liying is. he experiences and has failh U1 III!); expressiveness rather than in spm ebo d y else - _~ ex pressed belief

One effed of ronstrictine OW" selves, uur pulsations, is to crea Le .H non - r h vthmi c sense ·VY·e form 0] sense of stillness and permauenc.f!-_ ann it seems concrete and secure because, e have deadened the rhvthrmcities (lr our pulsatory movements. 'Ve narrow fu~r f'xp('ncncetrying to eliminate the unexpeclp.d hy erecting an unchanging form. a static pp..l""rm. TI1l.1 the apparent stahil.it ,. 0 F this narrowed Ii res tv 1 e r s only an ill usien,

• TI.'Iany nf us bifid -things t~gether h~' mean .. of thonght:s and memories, bvmeans of (,(1llff'pts instCild of

feelings. If 'we perpctua' e this brain rroce.ss we form ideals which "n" strive to live up to- Ideals have til be pumped up with our energy nr they don': work: $U ~we ad "as if." orwe fo:t'CP ourselves lu act. This llerforll1ng and forring creates C{Jno;lrictions in us that we (Jnu"t even know \'I,'{: h a \'e _ All '\'C k ru IW is tho t ou r Ih'€5 nre painful or dull or scattered or thin~omehow ulL"atis:fying

'fl"yinu to fprm connections with your brain alor1p' irlhihi~ Y;:U" feclin~ life. "[c-striC:L~ the. C)lp;,in~~ .that rf:'"!'ihapf>~ ylJlU' sell and your n::1ntmm;,hlps. T'Il~ 1.5 hiJW svstems nf belief flourish. Thevfrv Lo Lell vm: about dthn people OJ:, feelings cmd e-"p~rim:.r_;{"s.. how ~othcr p~opIe formed themS-f'-h'es, And , ... d-ole the), rna,' sincerely hopE': that J'ou will have the CAll~rienoe and iorrn your life in rhesarne way. t}II~V dunot cnc01Jrage vour nwn expansive forming_ ··Systc~s. in general try 10 do <IV!'3Y with the mvsteries [If Ibnng:. Tbey tell "\"'011 , .... hat the my,,1 f'ries it]:e and how teo deal w~1 h them, TI1ey do not m~e )'OU the m ptcry,. nOT do the)' pu j n L to me sou n~~ of YOUT own forming.

'Vh.en if hegan torhall enge my assumpt.i.um. ideals, and beliefs. both cognitiycly nrrd muscularly. T h~gan to expf'rience an c'::\.lJI'mded dimensiun 1.0 rn~\' Iife, T ~t.ar~ed to understand that m~' experience and. my 1Th1'rcs&mn were rnv truth, that mv wav of form iug my self was my life. 5i.:'ff.ex:panding:'-~ exciting. and gro" ~ more excitin~ as it Wnl<;L .. roe tnwarrl i nrliyiduation.

There are no salvation trips_ ,,v11at'stbeTe l~) save? \Vhen we Iive our o .. vn Iives we take POS5'C"SS!OIl of mIT innate- gift of expansion. and "'fC u~ .it 1u shape f~ling. pleasure. and satisfacticn 'instead of ideals and behefs_ Vie S!*-lld our lifetime becoming somebody instead ol maintaining an image_

YOUR aODY SPEAKS ITS l1.flND

In an appendix to 1'ke. Psychology (4 Fnuention in the Mashemaiicai Field. by Iacques ] Iadamard, Alhert Einstem o;a)'~ that Inr him. the primary process of perceiving is; muscular and visual, and that he then elH borate 5 t.hi~ by I he search for and development ~f a snitahle hmguage l\1berl S7cnt-Gyorgy";. the biuluWst. writes that "Life keep~ life' going>·-that Iife builds on itself. stnircnse fashion. Energ\' expressed ,% actidty increases interest and creates more energy and more expression. even for the cum pulsiva l.vpc whn kef'p~ busy living Ilff his-reserves.

S7.enl-Gyorgyi also points nut: ··~'hen you don't use. a machine. it lasts: ... • ... hen V~IU don't use a hudy, it breaks. dawn." \Vhen nne 1'5 sedeniarv, the heart atrophies 14I~ gers. as wen as lovers. hd\'e. more' enerJ;!Y. How thev 'I.i~C il may be related to a. svstem of v .3 lues, but enerlJ''': they

• " nJ

have to Ilpen their uwn boundaries, [0 'increase their 0>'IIl

excitement, tel form an expanrledncss of li"'i]'llg

Someone took me to a psychic. ml";eting where a rnan gi ... ·ing a lecture said Lhllt in a fonn~r life he had been an Eng]jslJ minister. and that when he died It had taken him three days to find it QuI because he wa~') more alive dead than he hild been alive.

Paul. who sat in front of me "nth hi" "hirt off as he. 1Hid $0 man;.' nther times. was differenl this time. I Ii: s

169

shoulrlert' were. not raised high in the! IDanTIp.I" ll[ the scared chap hE'- usually W;]5. Nnr did he weer ll~e perpetual smile of the wanner :hH.t "ought to a,·old. any straight fCSpOl15e. Hl" wac; telling "" f:lho~lI.. th~ trl.p he had lust come back frnrn. an expenenn.' "nth Ins friends arid hUrl ilv that he 5<1 id had gi.'lren him n ft.-ehHg of his roots, ~!\ni bis hody lonkcd it. wil h his lowered shoulders, his relaxed 1lf~("k ~,nd srnlle Even rnnn~ important. hi~ feelin;r of having roul ~ expres&€d. itself in his Iowercd tlrf"<'Itlting. He no longer kf'pl his b:reatllinJ{ up in that (~omrrf'~s.f.d chest. It heaved wit l: emotion as be tnld. me that now he h .. d a ne'iYTdaiiomhlr wj th his fathcrv that he had ruSCOVCI'l'<i 1:1 ~trpl1f,!;th in his father which transmilled 'itsel] to him, Paul glo,""eil with this strong r~liug

of hlmself.

Then he wen t on ll' say that he d i dn·1 r €·e 1 quite 'Yet

that he was hack in Ca lif'-U'l1ia. that 11(:: wasnt feeling prt'senl at his job He said he ~eh somewhat diwr!tanizcd .• rnd thai iL would take him JJ lliL longer to start he

ing his old. efficient ~1 r again .

Gee. I said. here vO[J. ten me about fiwl,ng a new

relt1l ions hip to yo ur fa t lw r, 8 dep th of excitern F.TI l H m1 a deepen ing· IJf your life's romlP.t~li"{ll1e5S. and now Y{)ll t 1'>11 me you huve ln get used to being ill:H~k! HiJ'\'\ could lOU not 'feel um;omfnrta ble. unbounded. to nn at ural, different, strange? YUH up€ned yaur old self Yi.m'!f' becurning d {ti:ff~rent Paul. You ~un'p. rhe chance to test ~~I;,' world in a di ffl;fpntway.. to ~~omplete1y rennvate how YO\l relate to the bm~. In your girl. to me. So go ahead and form a new shape,

YOUR BODY SFL.!tl{S ITS !>'I1ND

Loving

Theex ~ 11 d ed experien rr i" a S tate of aliven ess ] 1I " .. - hirh the heart overrules Ihe head. ''re can this Itl\-c.'IYe can have a taste of tllis any time we want hy trusting ntrr bodies and srmendcring til Lhf' imrnensitv {}i our Iives, '\VlIe:n Wf' do, we understand 1Iml our analytical picture' of rE'aliLy is not itself rea I iry

'Vben a mau find a wmnan cnme Ingcthcr. ,yhat happens is (linne. It is not iI l'f'lutn to the womb: it i ... universal .;h;lring "'11at is impl kit in the act of lnv in~ makes possible the cun Ii nuntion of living_

The ex:rl'P.~ i 0 n of one's lee ling.. r 0 rm ~ l h e 10"-12 rel il rionshrp Tu love i'i in dJ'np Hne's rules, tv be presenl 1"" tendedl y ,\Ve drop L he F}! m i liar pOl tterns, and ~n~ h! k e rl new ~hapc. I have never been in Iove without redinll 1ll;' hmfy in a new """n.y,

'¥e limit. our abilitr I .. Inyiu~ly expand if \\," .Hp chronically ti,ghf-!ml~rlerl. "-e limit the experience uf our wumunness or nurmanness. and \ .... 1" liwiL om- expcriencr- of the flp]}!)~ite sex \\,p il!u nol ('nhm icc, enrich i111 r Lives 01' our friends' Iives __ 0\ itlre same time. expandin~ IS not unlunited, It .is a de-evening of form and fet"lin~,

Oncc when I W<lS making' Inve, Lhf' unexpected started in nre.. J started puls1ng_ .Hld th~ "'lIVCSC of pu1sn Iinn spread throug11OuL me And then suddenly. in t11(' midst nf 13 J J this pleas\u-~_ T was seized bv a parilI,vring snrgp uf revulsion "'"'hidl 'Shrieked. "J ",,,n-' J!;ryc in.' And I Imte ynul "!iou're try-ing to S\'\'~p.p H\VdY the 'nu'" I~Hil I've labored tl) establish as mv Id~ntitv. You want me to

- -

give in to you_ and I won't do .it r-

171

I WldeTSkood that this voice was nn axpression of my sociOll UU'l tract for l-emaining 1TI [lw favor of the culture, Mv con lTad!~d social rule did 110t wnnt in vield Lo tln~ pul;in~ of me. And 1 knew the tragedy nf li,.,.ing without heing alive. I felt in '''I'hal vnays the Iivin~ rlf my Urmp. role-plaver was diminished iu comparison with 1hl" aliveness or rnv untamed me. The ~m::ial me perceived thai, ,,,,hi le it [=nu lrl he alive, it (011 Irl Hili create its ewn life, And it resenl.el~ the untamed me ""lm~e connectedness 1\ith the fi('h-l ('If all life enabled it bntl L to he alive and to be vitally fOTTTll:lri.vf'

A l the same time, T Tr~(llh,:p' that to live strkllJ' ;! I the undiH~rf'nLiaLed field of U1l1n.~r"Hlit\' is as lepsidcd U-'S In live cxclusivelv in the world of r~!l~ .... To he entirely wilhol1t boundaries 15 lr. miss out ol11ndiyiduHl plea;;llI'':''s and ill,·;;, as well as individual hurts and despairs: Tl1 be boundiC'~S' is- lo aveid being h{ldJl~'_ being hlHlliinly

grounded, _.

}l person may h;wf' an expanded expenp.nce, But 1~1"

~xp-erience "ill not Tr_lll'l IHllil he plant:: It and .~xtf'l:d51t~ !'l'H Iit l' bv containing <Inn grounding: It. forming his self and ~li5 -~IIc-ial reality. ,\,\l".t w~j:lter mystery is' here than the mv~ll"'ry of being inc;:u-natfft the mvstery [-If being in Ih[: n~s.l:' Our bodily lives h[)llurl and unbound. embodv and di"f!rnhfldy. form m-thl":-my"Lf'ry as rr-c ex l}prw.n~p the collH~ .)f ihing laYCT5 called trs,

1 see life not , ... adualistic strHg~ll: between hTO pules hul as; a .resoDliting field of corrOl1lmll,· re<,rganizill!'!.' excita Lllr)" pattcrn~- ~"Ve all pulsate .-mlnR~Led], in an in-

Y01)ll BODY S:Pl:..'\KS ITS MtZ\.l~

tense sea of creation. Some of us are in it in a (;rami': some of 1l1I. in an expansive "·.<Jr. HIJL we're all in I.h[' same sea of creation.

This ocean of continuity shapes my inner and OU1('I spare. my bounded ami unbounded 'S('lf. There Is n-lncr !"iptKC when T close H1 y r~ and lherc is outer :"'fhlCC when 1 open my T_

1 remember une day HI Germanv when I waswith myself intenselv, It wa~ a colu:agen~Jo.; morning_ and I walked over <l nd hu~mf'd n tree. 1 looked at t Ill:> tree and sa" it vibrating. S<I"'\ il pulsating-s-nnd I'm not talkiug about shaking in tile wind. I put my arms around the r ree. I felt it se"lldi..rr~ waves up and dn .... \,JI its leugtlL rummunicating Willi its vihratnrv pattf'rn. T understood that this vibratory pattern was the ln~t~.

I It'11 the ~f' vibrating: and I Ielt my own 5f'J f vibrating. Then 1 rook a ff'w .,lcps back and began tn pcrceiw· I nc tree ngairr. this t nne as a vibratorv rf'<llitv that osrtllatcd b~l'yc'en feP.1mg the Lree '\-1tl~ me ~d ex pt'r1l"ncing 11 at a d.iSiann~ frnrn :me. I was -truck bv lurvv the tree and I were 'engaged In a kind of dialogue that continual hT shill ed the WHY I "saw" I he tree. t}lI.:' ..... ·;1X I experien c;d j L-a s bern j:!; ~o~eti nn"~ subj ectiv e d nd sometimes I)bjecti.n~·: sometimes in me, sometimes over there.

r walked iH"i"ay awed by what had happened. And from then on I found that. more and more, I was able to sense how my ("'''TI .. ribral inc and m: uwu pu.lsaLinu ex

'. 1"" _ r"l

panded my wrrrld WlJe:m.!vCJ[" I could sense the related-

ness, I felt myself en~flJlcd in an ongoing diiilogne with the field of my surtound I also felt that 1 was crezv, that this was lI10 proper ~""ay In he, .After a ll, J:Ioboo\- bad 1l:lught 'me that Tn:,"' world i ... mediated li~r the diallJguc of our Te-snna.tID.g .fit'lds. I'd always be~n taught lu fix the

wllrM in one place 1 wns told that a tree 1.S there. 4l nd one gn~s hI the trce-e-not 1 hiil the tree and 1 canned hv means (If an undercurrent of fr-'t:hug~.

The Strf-'oming 'Jf the Spiritual Animal

Love. 'which roT1~ th~f'p_ IH~pr15 with the ~lrPiUni1.lg5 of one's bodv. Dno's 8irel-lminf!" fill one's self 'Io'l'itb so lunch Ieelins that the fc('lin~ lnmr;t'end!.> one's bOllnrl.atIf'S and

b . ~

t'xpanrls one's connectedness wLllt other perWnS,TL\'Une

\, .. hn has f'xperienced this 1101.<, ~~;p~rif'nr.ed what It b.lt' be oneself and 1o be at nne with the v\nr1it to recogn'71.' that c ... -ervthinz i~ in I"Im. andvet to feel at ease, to live

... ~ -'

in the w(1rld.in an l1n(."(l~niLi.. f' ,yay and to trust 1 t.

Huw flo we get there? Wf~ dun't have to get there:

we're already llu~rf'.

If. somewhere rn.,i.df> you. there -is a 1,\ iugE' of ex-

citement, a sparkle of cxc-i.tp.ment--<c':cn rf if~ .ll~ly a lin.v srOL in your earlobc-l[Jt It P"-"paud. And p<t.rtlnpate -in vnur prUf~" fIr "f'lf-.fonning.

. Each packet uF excitement 1~ fragi1e. I 1';;; :l~t all t~1at powerful It's pcni~lf'l LL it's :>trong~ • .md yet rl!" rra~:1.1C'. It shrinks in n uc.~ittin~ PIH ironment. Excitement ~18~ the abilitv to hibernate wher! circumstances are not appt"(1-

p.jal~ for its eA-panding ilmi forming .

Sometimes a ," .. nman comes to see me 1:I.r:rl says. '·1 must he frigid. T YC been working at it.. but ~. h ... vs no fei'ling when I make 11), e." In rf'Fl) 1 say. "Now. Inok:

Ii rst of all give up the ide .. "f working at i~. al~d il~;L leU me. or tdl yourself. what vou aree"'penenCll1g. The woman m.ig],t say. "T'rn exp-erirnringthc anticipation of having more sensatinn." So 1 ask her. ,.~relL when" do

"OUR. BODT SPEI!..KS ITS MIND

you Incate the exdt erncn t of l.bl:ll ~ nti ci pa tion?' She may ,"dr. '"I Ieel it jr:J my head.J ft't~l itin my chest. I fe~l it does not g.) J 1<1 fl.l m;v' navel." Her first ~tep· is ll'l d i SCOVf> r what -is gnin~ <In. Then shu ran begin to ~xpr(,:5S this And llU='n ex pansi on sta rL",

\Yhat attitude i:lrc you. meeting ,l,e world with ri~ht now: Are you meeting the ""rirl with being C<lUnOU5 and distancirll[? depressed ,md withdrawn? bnrnbastir and out~jlin~? Identifv tbe -nttitude with which VOIl ~et lllt> world. and Iur ate it 50me\'I,] I~rf' In vour bt;rJv is it ill 1 he back of vou r neck? j_~1.1 in your ("\.;csl Is .:i Lin vuur stomach ur i~ vour shnu Id{'T"" .;r in ~ur kn{X's( :Wherever ,-IIU locate .... it, h~m'F.Yr.T von idf'lltify it~ notice how it ~hn pes your thoughts and "'action...;_ your ~~U and ynur re'Sponses. TJu> .uxepting nf:"U1Jr present Inrm ('11- ["ourrtges ynnr p:rO~~CS5 of exparlsion.

I understand s-pirrtualitv as; d heightening nf I he excitatory processe~ of the human animal. The Tcligious exp cri E'nC'~: rli "forced of i I ~ hokum, Is llll" v i vi d ('x-perieuf t' . It is nUT vivid E"xIH'riend,ng. ann il IS the vividness of what we expe:rieuu· Its depth I;lnd its intensnv C01T(,"pond with lww deep and intense our strf:'amin~ .. arc.

Our strearninas are uur biolo~cal field. the field nf our emhndiro life - T[) ex perience -our strcnmings i~ II If,' spiritual cxparienr e. To live our streaminas. ltl Jll:lrlicipalfo r rr the IOTI'njuj![ of 'JUl· lives, i- lhc ,great Itly"lery and

iny nf existence, -

The most important LJllngwc can an for' our selves is to trust nu~ hod! which ,f~lrms us as s'lnwl.ndy

MYVIS[ON

I u~('. ihf' boriil_'f mplflphnr as the ruonkey h;H~ tn S\,,;:illg between the faces of my t'xislf'rH'''e there is t.he aspp.d rJf 111\' existence in\'\"hi't~h T ~('t' Pill and talk to vou, in

..

.... ·hirh l)11j"'(:'1_" are recognized [I.Clori1iufr til a COI1S£'u:m:;,

~~nd tlu-n 1bt:'ff' is '}I~ aSPfft of mJ ('xi,~tl~m e that I can'; fizurc rnv "Y,nr iUlo analytically. I come to I In" place

~ - ,.

where T can't take my t lIink.ing an_,: further :\-J:"" lTl si~hL~

fi:nrt their limit. At this pOll! l my intuitions flash to the ~1] rf<.!Cf' and Gle pulsating nrid feelings. intensify. This ('X('it[fh~ry SIJI.lP of intuitions. pnlsat ions, and feeli.ngs. , .. ·h_cr{" my fllrnl crimes from, is the grf,."It lInivf>r;;;e itself,

The ~ing.idl· of rn r body Is a ,,,"oyid of felt potcn I iii L a wnrld of non-sepuration. timeless and endless. It's Yhfll and rlE'<lfLlra hle T i mTTl~rsf' myself in :it. and then !, .... jthdron .. arid reflect nptll1 Ilw"xpf'ri~nn' - .I my munersion.

Then'" j~ a dcorwav. an inllCrft:lcP between lb", faces of my cxisllonn:>. the U~pCCLS r~f my l1r~-thf" publir life ond the pr ivate life of I'lly borly, Th~ best wa_~' iran describe this interface fs: "Hf're T BIll rAnd lherf' is the

176 YOUR 1I0Df SPEAX.!> ITS :J'i>UND ,,'mr1d.·: "'h~nE""'f>r T discove!:<J new dimension of li\,jng. 1. experience II <IS nlwavs h<:l\ ] ng been. There is the world arrd here 1 am .. and e-vf'.ryLhil1~ els-p is a rncmorv

\'\if' LJ~e mctaphor-; so th;t \H~ GiTJ share ~lJr experi. em:.e. r. usc a horHly metaphor. The bndilv metaphor nulHltmru the a Iivcness of I he public '1 ... ·nrld .. md k€eps iJw faith of m,Y private e:",j=-rcm::c,

1\ly livingness, my formativenrss, gro"yS rrul of the livillg Ocean that uur cells swim in. The experif'ncc of this f:xritatory sea gin:,cS birth to my yi!;1011

en) it night in I D,)9, while I~v'n~ awake in hed, [ expcrit'-Hccd an e,'ent that bmllJ{ht biolngy and p\\Tholog:v together ror me. cl')':"ta l Lizing m_\' 1Ul dl'T"3ta:ndin~; of the evnl IJ tiormrv prnce . .,~ that gne.~ un us one's self

_ Twas lY:1ug onm:-T back. stretching Lilp. litrltl plnrcs rn my body <mel fceIillg I~wm release: 'Without my even k"'Ilo\'ting .1L this ini tia Led. a wa ~'f' of puJsating I1p awl down the front uf me. I felt m_r brain open. And I had u "Vision nf a sllahf'_l!TCt'll and vivid. thet seemed Lo r'l)i] out nf mvintestines and up mtn mr head. The 1lI.~xl n i~hl the ~1im(' event occurred. e:-.::cc.pt that lhi-;,-; lIme when the make'i\'1'igJol'l ed Intu rnyhead it app(~i:l red ro enter a sil ... er' ring.

\Vhlle I WI] ld ~-('(' that LII(' snake \'\'135 moving 1 n 111[,.

I (IIs(i felt Ullil r was myst'lf the snake. [ clsc:ilh1led back and forth hetwcnn tht>-se two perCp.}lllonb: objective and subjective. There ~,'ao,;- t he snake- nIl ~ I here, ami there wathe sensation of "11\\- within mt'. Thad vision, and 1 bad Jel"ling,. And the pendulum flf my nscillahng perc~p' ion

lilY VISION

created an egg-sh..1.ped til'ld which. rJa radmcically. extended mfimtelv in cv('n~direcLion.

Gver t he n~ext several years I impron~d my connection with lITY snake. I began to sense the rclat il,mship between its :O:o\1\,- and T'I1~ process of belng formed. my prncf"!'~ or becoming mere than r used to l"" I hegan to an:epl dIl excitatory spiral i ng 11}) and. out, down and in ~n c:-': pre~~i,m of my cxcitemen l that was alterrm tely bounded and unbounded, C'OI1tiilincd anri uncontnined. I felt that my 'illHkf' was my self. "'1R'11wr I pxpericnccd it at m.~~ body periphery 01." in the depths. lJF rne, I could feel tha l u pene1:rlltcd me lhrrmghout_ Ano ns J began 1.0 Bvr I hi<. ff»eling. Ibcgan to rlevelnp d qualitv of being a continua llv r urmine and enlarvirur (l"M'if f'xcitatiol],

" 0 b ~

One dav ill the fall 1)( lQ6.~. as I was fe~ling- the

brightHt'S" r ;r my streaminjrs, [ became alert to my snake's flo,,'~nf! iutenselv from Dl)' b"\\'l"'l~ up to the "n~~ of my 5tC'ITIUfll. but h inside ami outside, [ could see and 1 COl.~ld feel the stream ol excitation grnwing me, forming me into more of i1 lrear l person. _\ few ni~dlL~ later . a restless rughL. I experienced fi rst a pain in the ['hF!'Gt and the!1 Ihe flow piercing thnmgh my diaphragm. My imi],2"C '\'\'89. Iha~ of a snake hursrinf! Ihnmgh the center of tin onmgf> ~ lice The \"10'1101(' of t 11<.> n e x l da y 1 wa S CI1- veloped in iI ci rr ula ling warmth thiJt l"<lmt' Irurn rile and nourished me, 7'1,.'''' world was vibrant and iritense, and poe.llls streamed (j-\]I ur me-Ionmng me. il1fornliTl~rne

Sh.Jrtlv thcrcnfter I had two more serpent cvperi cnces '!;"111ft, f' x pressed srrnile r palle-nl:<; of gro\nng per ception and participation, On aile o!:c<l~iou .1 was startled to perceive a snnke lying coiled in ;1 ri.eld around my pel v i,,_ La ter that sarne month. I experienced an uncoiled serpent r.if;ing and trJ-lllfl" 1D enter my henri My reaction

~ 79

in bot h instauces was panie until I understood tha t wherever it might direct .ilS. p.""-pallsixe.nf!~hcad. chest. diephllOJgm. pf'lvis---Hte- ~ nakc was me, lind I was; Friendly The snak .. \"'-015 me and. at the same time, it \,'a" forming an e~ tended me, ~n expanded me. It was In: present life, an d it "was my prcmi Sf! ., f m ore life

Looking at the pattern of the snakes dialugufO., 1" saw that it forms a loop of containment. The sr!al;,~~ open up from the pel-.:is and Form a. vessel. Th~_,- ("ro_,,-,> uvor once. Then.thev dns~ the \'f'~~e]_ hl~'le ... uj of ~ln!'!; on to make a -"eq uence . nf figur~ eT~h~_ ther cira~l1tc back through them sel lies un d through each nth cr. All essenria 1 pan of this. circulation is the iUHfSlf"'lf, of thf' snakes' heads bp.f(lrC' thev fuse. It is in the pau$f' tJI3 l d LI agrf'Eml'!! I is" modiated as to wha! \'d11 hE'! uri b(1unded._wkHl1 re-bounded. and what newlv t.uuuded-"",'hal ~'-cn Lrp. what susLairrerl. arrd Wh~5l rontnincd.

The ~nake is my personal visinn of the forma Lin' prOGI?5:S_ as a nether event ,"",'ill make 'c Lear. On this pArI icular occasion I e).periC'TlCerl5trun~ strearnings gnjn~ up both sides of mv bod v, an d thl"n T saw nat (flU" 1 n.l t n"o snake ~.. 0 r:i!ifin.B.!i-ng from <; single tail in my pelvic basm, ,_tTle snake coiled LIp rrrv right side H 11 ri the other IIp Tlly left side. 1 L was a" if they "",'prf' (:HTT:ri.llg an a ~l<d Clf,'UC. and 1he) r:arried rt on into my Irrnin, 111~rf' rheypaused, a .. if <hilking hands. ·1 'hen ,hcir heads mf'rged_

Though the), are individual ~\"f·l1L"_ ihf"r~ i~ a rela linnship between the no"" of ~he snE'lke arid the novo uf hrea th in g.RL) l h l)ri HI!; 1'1 lum l 1- he feel 1 T1 g- of rrn on ~Jm!'!;" e"Pl:1n(1 in!! d nd contract ~n!f. Oftentimes. by holding our breath we can more ensilv feel {he pl1hations and. streamings that go on inside our body and sometimes nn its surface The rnovement travels frmn r o~.~ LfJ Iwart I u'ad lo fOOl

As Tht~ ,jrmke r'lwll fnrrncd our relntionship. T hegnn ~u feci tllt'lt there Wtl5 rt (tuulitativ"C and quantitative c h~llge which took place in the Ilow of my excitement from pelvis to head and Irom head I~ ~ I1Plvi~_ The snake would coil up mtn my hpl1 r as ~m and to n rU.·d i m pH] se of love a nd f'h rust, [L" i m J rulse would soften as it p a ssed rhrourrh rnv heart, threugh the cnnter of me. "Yhen rt rose ~to m;-1lC'ad.. itwc::mld U1aKe il. picture or an insighL 01 refined p~rception as distinct f::rom ill global pCITcptim L U I WE!!; iunnelin,O' ennrrrv from III V 11 eed on down. my

F:> ~.' •

180

YOUR BODY SPE.A:lI;.Sl IS "{lNn

thongh L - i rna gcs would fi l"St unbo und I h ernsclves: th en the e2l.cil~m{'nt of mv , ... nakc would llltt"n:-;ifT in its u~\wnward C(llU'SC througi, my ehest anri illto m'~ pelvis_ legs. and fcet-illumintlling and \tivifying rm connection with ill;" undiffercrrtiated SIJTn nmd, In" cres I ivevoid.

Gr-adHa]]~\rT learned tJ ud my snal; is the continuum of my exritemtmt, the pt.ttcrn-mak~ !~f my ilYtagin~. Ieeli ng_ .md 'Kling_ It recapitulat f'''. expresses. and T'('E'Xprpsscs my molecular and r-~nlJ 100T history, my past ami present social living And the r.irculating Ilr rrrv biohi;,;lol'"}" groullds me in the Ilesh The snake io;; m:-- oracle uf the fnrmati \-'F" pr(1('rss,

The snake operales l1rcIJrding In its own Iaws. In the snake world, the ordinary limits of time and space I1pp~ar to expand_ Space see-ms to be )llfiniJel~- extended, and time is rIO louger r~ -nfined to H linenr progression_ There d!l(.~!:, not seem 10 he a pass<lf!:e of time. Nor 1:;<; there a qual:il~' of pa~l-pr(':scnt-futurp_ The Ilow of excitation reveals itself like flashes of d strobe liglll_ r1r like vie" pa~ terns in a kuleidoscope. There is pf'n:cption and remembranes of events. hu! the events du not belong t~ I I he cl ock sequence,

1\1_'1,' experienr-e of the snake hns given me to understand that there are different fields of exisLt'lIce. One 11tU'1 of me is formed in the world of time-spare. Another p.lrt uf me creal flS finu·-spa:re_.

\-Vhli I 15. p~rso:tla 1 is M!;O universal, 111€~ ~nak(' that I perceive as rnv "'f~lf in the ]lnl(;C5S of fOl'"ming is an arche l ~]ml -iulagf' I h 01'[ nlmus L .. rl ~ cultures h ave- used Lo

depict Iife's growing and transforming prof"ess This cvolutinnarv quality of expression unfolri« flO:, the waves of the c .. a_. the double - he 1 h of D ~ _~ lh e l "'-; stin.g pa Lh ~ of blOlI(l "'-C5SelS and nerves. the rhvthrns of waJ;.iu!r lmv slp.t!ping, stambng- up and lriug d~~YlL feelulg 'iep~Tntl: arrd £c~ling at ~mc"

The q1;th i5 m_\ image (If mnVill!£ between the horivontal wor l d and the vertical worhi, It teaches rne hl\ .... I wake up and q_uif'1 001,\'11.. lIP ..... r make conran anrl disengage. It 'is an image of a rousal and renews I that expre.':'$e-5 the serpentine movement of HI)' hodys excitement we-a \"ing through the crevices nf my brain. Its J talking lo me about rn~r (~\'· .. n formative pr,xess. ahl11! my excitement bee-nm ing pen;(lua 1 and then so~ia L It resernhles Hf'lUT Miller's .im?lg-e of walkmf1; across the R rookl~ H Bridge. goin g- [rorn hom e L~ ~ \"1:0 r k, from hom I.' to away Irom-home-c-Irnm unconscinus to consciuus end bach. a !r.tln.

!"

Your own symbol may come lIJ vou in a drenm .. in

- -

a reverie, while p:m arc lnaI.ing- love. It rf'('IH~S, It's your

friend. And it reveals to ... ~ IU how YfJJJ conrrect with the universe and with others, It is impersonal. but ~{Oll ITIfll,.C it pet~ollaL Miller's 1)r"idge doesn't belong 10 him, yet he made it his, The snake belongs If) no one. yel T have made 'it mine.

APPF.NDtX

rwo w.w S TO FOR~ ~ cuor NJJJ~n1'\ ESS

At thi 5 fH3mt.. if Y(lU'n:- I eplin g a bail d u p of e xci ternent fro m r~cl3l1:in g this book. let's see if we can ~u nt~ i L Or if ~ "(!u' re hrgr.-d. perh aps you nUl (Tea te "a feel i n g u r charge. Or p~rhFlr); )'tlU would just Ii k~ 10 e:x:peri erue VI. ha t 1 have been ta lk En~ a bout

Stand ''r"i'lll rour feci ]Htrallel and about ~j" uirhes apart. shoes off. K t'l:'ping your fee l i rl P la G£.. bend )'fHl r k 11 ees and spread them i'I bit farther a rmrL sn that you end up lU <:t Sern l-~quaL

T<! ke your hoo fists. reach beh ind rOlL. an d push themintu your Iewer hack on either side of 1 he spine. Keep pllshinjif with your fiSL" in the small of your hack until you he:gin tn get u ~ematiml of release m Y0tJ:['" l.nwe.r ahdolucn. Lei your bul'l~lrk"~ pmtrudi.{".

YOUR Bony S:PLA:KS ITS MIND

Keep pushing jn with rour fists. Jt 'probahlv l1urIJL but don't straighten up :€l, and don't -'_'oek har.k and. tort h. That p13jn ;6 [111 expression of Jour resistance to a 10 t O'f sen sa tion, Don' t try to Inos en th e res] st anee: just experience It. You rnav also feel some vibrations and. if von do, see what Von learu,

. .

The- next step 1.S to breathe deep down, below the

hell), button. Pull the air' down and ill. Do this for perhaps two mmutcs, Don't lie in a hurrv.

After scveral minu!cs. let nut whatever snunrl wants to COme: nut, I find "Aaah!" nr "Ooohl" efrt"(" tivo, but it may bea gro,""l, <1' c.ry. 01 scream. See 'if yon ran experiencc it swel J i ng up from y1lur bcUy and pelvis,

Sa)' yuur name. Keep saying ilfur iL while <1m! acccpt what you feelH mOlY he sha1.ines-s, It may he pleas-

'rwo W}i vs T"O 1'0 fu'\f nne UI'I."'DEDl'\"""E.S:S 1 85 nrc. Itmoy be distrust. These arp-expr~"Jllns of how yon arc grounded at this moment. Do you have feetin~s in

your genitals' In your buLtn-r-k~} ILl your feet: .

NI]~ straighLe-n up without Iockin.g the knees, Put )'our hH nds on your head. Just stand and let },'ourseli SHtle into your experiencing.

V\'hBl. yon sit dnwn, please keep both feet on the ground..

Lef'scorrtinuc,

St.and. with your feet nut Ion rl:l["' apart, toes .slightly pointed m. Bend all rhe way nver. knees loose. head. down. and put your fingertips to the fleer. Dou't lean forv ... rard, keep ~rour weight back Oil your legs_

Now~ by strn.ightenirlg the knees a little bit and loosrming them [l~in, rai."f' )-ourself up and down a

yO u a ]lUDY SPEAKS ITS~UND

quarter of ,M! inch 0["";0. Let the belly and gul'i hAng, And nowbegiu to hreathe the same as you did ~n the Fi rst exercise: dee p intnthe a bdomen. F ~el _YOllT broa thing expand into the Iowerback and buttocks. Feel your buttocks HfJd thighs and cal .... es and feet begin to pul.;,;;th" with the jn and nut of the breathing. This pul~~ti1'J!! vpens up cernmunicatirrn and connectedness with the !!Tound.

If pain or discomfort beg:i.m ln hI:! noticeable, recognize it as i:I non-verhal e:\;-pr~"slr:m of 1'lIO, It eJl.:presse-:s ynut" resistance, your 1m tn b("irJ!! connected to youneU lInf1 to the grmmd.At Jhi~ 110lHt begin to verbalize the nQ.Muke it conscinus anrl lake. responsibility fur Jt.

Keep breathing into ymu guts. Now straighlPU thl:' knees another quarter of an inch jnto the p~ in. Make sure that you ,[-3 Fe still breathing j nto your helly, Let ylmr buttocks flare open_ K,f.oel'l breathing See if} uu. nUL feel your legs and butturks start to vibrate, If ~'01J feel mU'i"C pain. say lW lolg-llln,

N en,' drllli tu a km:cling position 'Hui let your head rest on the fluor, Let Y,Qur w1101e backside open and dose. e:~pand and contract, 95: you breathe,

V erv ~dL.ta Ilv find your wa," back lu I he orisrinal

", l' It:t .... ..,. _ ~

lJ€ nt -over posh) re, , ... ...;:th YOlU' feet and I'i n gcrtip5 on the

WO"Lwd. Anil then find your way ioa stanmngpnsitioll.

Sit down when you want to. Remember to keep }fOUr feet UH the flcor.

The instinctlve reaction to falling is to roll up mto a ball. to assume tile foetal position. Roth of the above ex-

T \"0'0 'VAliS IlOJ'ORM G 11 GlUND,P.DNEJiS

ercises <:1"0:: designed to. make vou aw.iF(' that in order to MOCK [Jut sensations of falling and other dang~rous Ieelings.. you tighten up your stomach and leg:;. \Vitlwut fp-,eHngs ill the front of your body fino in the bottom half of yow' borl}~. you don't have a good connection with the ground. You're cnnfllscd about what vnu give and take in relation til the earth. V'{ithout a ~;ody thal pulsates, von can easily believe that tigIll legs and a light abdom en are normal, You irJ entify with [l. f.eeling of hnldin g hilc:k rather than with ill feeling of down aJld out. l'VJany plOOple t}llm that Gghtness represents strength, 'Who'll' it represents is: tbf' practicing of control the :Uupnsing of the w.ill. To relax threatens the stiff sense of self-rnasterv,

Most 01 us have f,ear in the- vieinitv of HIe anus atili genitals. Ourbottnrns ha ..... e been the ;e--r:iPTCIllts nf both loving and discipl tning. rTP.nerally slll~~1 king. in our eulture the last \'f'::;tige of intimate physical contact between parent and child occurs when mother pn"'''''ders the bt'!hind.as sIll" tJlanges the diapen, Then cernes tailettraiuiug and shame. \Ye cnnstruct a social reward-sy~l.P.m

around I he idea nfeozrtrnl. -

Them is r I ot.hing ~.,'rong with 1 en rn:W g control, There 15 notbing '''I"rong wi'rh hacing the ahilityto control ourselves, But there's trouble when we- Cim't stop Crol trolling ourselves. \'1,' ben we ca n 't give t ~ I e blood) thiTig up. \Vc can't make i~ back til the ocean of feeling:

We are no longer participating with our f~eling selves .limd corttrnl is lhen the one thing thatmakes us feel potent. That part uf us which controls u5--which obs:en·l'S, analvees, and critieizes-e-comes tn have a stake in OUT not tfleling grounded_ in our mn feeling connected.

Sell-forming goes together with ]10\0\ w e s.ay no. Our no is dOpel'ldenl for lL'i life upon the energy of the body.

188

,,(OUR ;BODY Sl'~AKS :ITS MIND

If we connect with our sensations and Ieeli:ngs. \'I.'~ find that U1u· controller is rooted in our pleasure. UlH l it particill.(l tes in OiLIT plea.sll re. Then it is no louge.r a contrail mal ., 11, It becomes E1Itool far enhancing cur enjoyment and seli-developmen't rather than for vitid71:ng and restricting 11.,'>.

RelJeat these exercises, lind sec nyon can gain more p1etlsurc for vuurself. more excitement to form yourself with.

Prom otst. of l he great COTflUCOp if1- oJ God's u..lUrlfr.'ng_ to rm {iruisit£elf,

CE.."'lTER FOR ENERGETIC STlJDmS

The Center tor Energenc Srudies 111 Ik:f](~It} .. California, undee me direcrinn n Sri! Jll !;')' Kdl:m;;ln seeks ro structure a modem oomcmplatwe approa.:h to !>df-knowmg and li\-ing: in v .. luch one's 0\\ II suhlrt.1'1I, .. e procl"SS gives birth to a set or vaiue;. "",hid, then gUIJ"" til., ".,hole of one's lite. Today's f.llue;; are increasinglj ili"UT..:l;:J fn'JTHluTda-pC'5rp~. and hodi I~' experi ence hac h~l rn ~WI1 d,e~'llIx.1 iUl.d rel ~,ltttl ro second place,

Sum ~ nc T¢.1 h r If I ~ an ernoti una! IT'J..Ii~ thar is much b.rge.r th.an innate gt"fl~ttc p:mcrns of behavior; Emorions! rec.lh[~ and biO'ogi.:a1 ~muml "r~_ me same <lind cannot, III 3n)' W<l}, hI:' ,o=pai1lkcl m d~~~IO~ui~ht'lL B'ofo!!l~I ~oml(f also means l:endcr, the male and fr:tllak rCSpOn5N thar arc m~IT ro humaa ljfc, ,he SC'!'."Ual idenmy wuh which we are horu, :';,omall'l: reariry i~ at the ~'ef)' C0I'1I:! or ~XI!.t!;'I1L-'=. fht" "!llIr!=t' l.lf nllr Jt't'{Ie'>' rc'i~ou'5 (eel I ng5 Jli1d P,-,!-,j,t,11 uWc..1' percepnon >.

C1i.'SSL'S and programs ar the Center offer .1 psycho-physical pracricum thar bongs IO use me basic way, a pcrs-on learns. The: ke-y issue L~ bou: we use nu rsel ~ es.-lea...-n tng [he 1 JJl gllage nf lIn", • i~ra alld hULIl U ~ rn u~Ll-e 10 ..:rc.H't" bt'h<1,-iuT_ Th't':l!-r. eb.,~~ t'-::ILh th~ ~!)It':ntl.l1 som,gri':;1,~Pt·cr uf _,11 roles and dramatize the pUS~1 hihll~~ ~) I ~~:tomE'l t n deepen rh,;: '>CU~o:' nr cormcerion ro me- many worl ds m ""'}, [en itl1 (D f Il~ partt!::! [11ltJ;:-

Flor tutlhl;.'f llif'l)nn:ltinrt, wnre oo~ Center fur Enl"T¥rtic SllJdie<> ':!'{j-H Francisco ,~n-t"e{

Mc-rkcler, California q -C~