Within and Without - Short Story

WITHIN ,AND WITHOUT
Herman Hesse'
There was one' ,8. man by the name IQf Frederick: be devoted himself to Intellectual pursuits and had, a 'wide range of knowledge, B1Llt flat a'~l kno w:~ edge was the SMile to him nor was allY thought as good as any other: he .loved 3" ce.rta~ n type of thinking, and. disd:ni:ned. and abdominated '[he others, What he loved and revered was logic-s-that so admirable methcd=-and, ill general what he caned "science ..'"
Twice two is four" he used to,ay.Jhi s I be Iieve; and man must do. his thinking on the basis of c,us truth,'
til,·

, e was not unaware,

to be sure

that there were other

orts of thinking and know edge; bur they were not scier ce," ,.. th .t'. il-l·' k a, d h ~1e'la, 1O\V opnn on 0,f t" em", A'I~1., h a rreetrnnker, t, ne ~,11' a Annougn ne W';3S not intolerant of religion, :eligion was founded on a.
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tacit agreement among scientists. For several centuries their science had embraced nearly everyt hi ing that existe d on earth and 'was worth knowing, 'wi ,h the exception of one single provi nce : the, human sou ~ It had become a. sort of custom ~ as time 'went on, to leave this ~'O religion, and to tolerate its .peculation", 0:11 the soul, though withou ~ taking them, se iously .. Thus Frederick too w',aJ'$olerant toward religion; but everything t
he recognized as superstition

was

profoundly

odious

and

repugnant a him, Alien uncul ured, and retarded peoples might o ccupy thems -'lves wi th It: in 'remote :"ntlq uity there Might . have been mystical or magieat dl inking; bu l since the birth of sci en c: and Iogi I here ·W,· 1 Q:' ,n' I£f ~ 10 J... ,o.,~ !!]I1'ny' ' 'c-e:1I"'I1I~ '~]1' In akin 'It::l l~ .. U se o-f hese outmo dod and dubio us, too ls.
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So be said and 6;0 he l:l,i ought; ant when traces l).f' I·.upers-r,fon came t!<1 ·hhs.·ra ten.~on he became ,at~l)' and felt as if he had belen uch ed by somethi '11 hostile, g

to

if he found :·'UC.J· traces among his own sort arnong educated men who 'were' conversant with the ._~ rinciples 10' scient ~ic- thinking, And nothing . was more painful a.11:O intolerable to him than that ~ scandalous "O'~iOIl wb":.cn hl'~e~ye had sometimes hard expresses h and discussed even by men of g~e,~l culture=-that absurd idea, that "scientific r]]i.nking'" wa . ios I~blynot upreme timeless, "terna foreo .dained, and unassailable mode of .1rJ,ought but merely one of many, a traasient \V,.y of'd1mnking~ not impervieas ~IO hange and downfall. This irreverent, d'· structive, .1:foisontJu·. 1 otion was abroad eveu F~'edeJick could no.. deny it" It 1131 I cropped -lp here and '[helie· as a resin t,. o'f the' distress thrcn:J.gb'CJfll he wo ,ldl brought about by war, revolution, and hunger; Hi a, w~,~l1i'- ,g, ~ikle a White hand".' gho Jlly writing 0:', a W·I,.lll wall, The more Free erick suffered from the fact that this j '1;;1 ~ existed and could ,.0 deeply' distress him .. the more 'passions. 1,. he. assai[~d, it· and those whom he suspected IQf secredy b_eli,'evI, ' II in i '.' far only a. very few' from arne 19 the trlLl..Y due:__ I'I So ,I, had openly an., frankly -rote'sed heir belief In this '[ doctrine a doctrine that seemed destined, sbo,uld :i~, g:min 11 circulation and power, 1(0 destory an spiritua] values g:i7t ,t j h and " aU, fa: h chaos, WeU.. matters h:' d n .':~reached thai .0 J , yet, and the scattered ind~'v.idur~l., who"':':n'~y elll,bJ,i},tre ~ 1~lrl Elde.· were S[~U ",0 ,few in number [hat they COM}:.' be O()tl',' w. oddities and crotchety, peculiar fell ows.. Bu ;31 dr~p poison, a 1, emanaticn of that idea, could be ',~ ived ~il' er;c:, II this 'idc th>·n, on tb at, A monle: the peo :d;·, and the ha~f-e U j'~ no e id of new deotrines leo: ld b ' found anyw'·){ doc ~ rine ~ sec ts: and discip ~'e'11ips; Ih ~ wo rid was fUJlI ".,
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one could scent out superssirion mysticism, spiri ualis tic cults, and o:t, er mysterious lorces, 'which it was, reall necessary to combat, but to which science as if rrom a, private feeling of weakness, bad for the present given fr,' e everywhere
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rem,
hi's friends, with whom he had often studied It so happened that he had not seen this friend for some time" While he 'was. climbing the stairs of [he house he tried to recall when and Will ere rut was
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Orne day Frederick we:n,t 'to the house of one

that he had 1ft:t been in his, friem "s company:
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he could pride he could not remember, BeCau.5H~;of thi, , be fell imperceptibly into a cerain vex 'lion snd ill humor! from 'which. as he. stood before his friend ~ door, he w'as obliged forcibly 'to fr -= e 11mself s ~

bu much as. .ims If on his good. memory for other' things

Erwin, hi'S friend, when he noti co ' on his genial counter ance a. certain as, it 'W:~re forbearing, smile, which it seemed ~,rQl ruwlllhe h,ad never seen there before, And hardly had he seen this, smile, 'which o.:-,spi'le its f~i_ndliness hie at once felt '0 be somehow mocking 0[' hOS'[]]IC,. when he immediately remembered w'nal he l,ad just been searching his nemory for in vain-c-his last previous meeting w,ii th Erwin,

lardly had hie greeted

He: remembered that 'they h. d parted then wi .-hout havi ng qu arreled ~ to' be EU re, bu t ye~t with a, sense of nner disc,n:rd and dissatisfaction. hi•.cause Elw'i'n~ as it ha ,- seerrs d [0. him" ' had given far too little support to h~,s attacks at that time en
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he realm of superstition

could be have forgotten. hat entir ely? ·',.nd now he also knew that this 'was his only reason for not h" ving sou sht out his friend for so long, merely t:h is t was strange,
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lissatisfaction and that he had known this all ~he time, ilthough he 'bad invented for himself a host of other excuses I:n his repeated pos tponernen t of this v.:. sit.

:Now they confronted
Frederick as if the tremendously widened" was ] k"' bsetween rae "J ng
there

one another;

and it seemed I)

little f'~f~: of that day had meanum He fel t that in this moment S!almet~ in~ h d ,..ll um anc E':["!N]~ that h' ao a '!IIways bt'" 11 nh
of

l[].nderS~,M,ding~,rndeed, even of affec ~ n ion, Instead of these u~" I was a 'V,BJCll'Umn~ They greeted leach other; spoke of the 'wearh~!t their acquaintances, their health; and=-God knows whyl=-wlth every 'word Frederick had, the disquieting sensation ~1],3.l ]1 '\\(',31S, not quite understanding his friend, that his friend dtd IHII real] y know h im, that hi S 'W ords were mi ssi ng th,lei" nlar_rk~ 'I t I
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before,

an aura of soljdarity,

spontaneeu

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fin,d no common ground for a. real conversad nl' Moreover Erwin still had that. friend [:y smile on his face, wh il Fredrick W',~IS. beginning almost to hare, During 91 p,ausle in he laborious conversation Frederlr looked about the, studio he knew so well and saw" pion "I loosely on the wall, a sheet of paper, This sight moved hhu strangely and awakened ancient memories; for he recalled HUll long ago ill their student ye.ars,~ this had been a. h~l'bwt j I Erwi omt;i; 'm'..'e 1~~i~'_··O:·> lulL, keepi:-"~,I~I,~ b, oc>e n 0' thin 'L"' IU' U 'w ..... ~fluW, :.~, _; L.~_I,<=IIJ~Il\~~ ~flyi ng: or a poet) s verse: fresh in his mi net He stood up ~,III ~ went to the wall to rC31d the paperm . ITh . b ' " ~ere, ,In E-rwt.'n ~s 1- eaun "f-'tu~ sen· pt, 'ine reardl t-he W 0 tt 1 ' ' ~N::'::'IO', th ing '1 withiout, noth 1·~~~e : with 0' J.';O" what is' witheu I ~ ,L_ lIl!
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n ioment There II B,'I' chi n,~ he stood motio 'n-' less for 'was :~There he stood face to' face wi th what he fe,aJred.! AI another ti me he 'WOLl ld have let chi s leaf of pap er pas s, W, rU II have tolerated i~: charitably as a, whim, as. a harmless fbfhll to' which any'one was entitled perhaps as a tri fHn~) sentimentality calling foe indulgence .. But now it was di,ff~,rci~ He ,fe:~ that th ese words 11 no t been set dow n for the !S,"'~k' t ad of a fleeting poetic mood: it was not 8! vagary that Erwin I~rnl'
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a, practice of his youth, Wh,at uood written here, as an avowal of his, friend's concern at the ~f ornent, was 111"yS icism ~ Erwin 'was. unfahhful I:
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irned aner so many years

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Slowly be turned
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face him

whose smile was again

want
"Explain this to me!' 'he demanded ..

Erwin, nodded, brimming with f ':iendHness~
"Haven' t you ever read thn saying?'

"Certainly F,-ed rick C' ied Of course I k "ow' It. Its. mysticism, 1['8 Gnosticism. It may be poetic, 'bllt~\¥eninyway explain the saying to me, and why's, it s hangmng on your wall r'
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"Gladly," Erwin said". "The saying is, a 'first introduction tOI an epistemology that I've been going inro lately, and whlcb 1.'lS already brought me much happiness, "'I
Frederi ck restrained
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his temper; He ,asked,!," A new '~o-ay,,,' Is, 1'~I~'rJ3, ·,~U'i""I-Ll ins? A:nd'; 'W":.'' ' ' ' at is it, called?"
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-IO·h,,'-" Erwin answered, "it' s only new' to me, If s already vc ,y old 4:l-d venerable, Irs called magic, ,~, The wo· d h,aJd been uttered, -··f,ofbu ndly startled by so candi a confession, Frederick, r· ~IL '[hal he 'was confronted eye to eye wi th in. t, e person of hls friend, He did not know nearer rage, or tears; the bitter feeli ng of III issessed him, :FOf' ,R long time he remained
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astonished ,and. with a shudder the arch-enemy. whether he 'was irr parable 10'8s silent,

Then, 'w'ith a pretended decision in his voice; be began, "So now 'you '\~ ant to become a magician?
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~I" d .,. ~I ires,'"E-' Erwm replied unhesltaringly,

A sort of sorcerer" s apprent ~ ce eh?

, Certai :n'] Yo, '"

,A clock could be hear d tickin g in the adj oining roor
'was so quiet,
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''redrick said, "This means you know, that yOI abandoning all fellowship with serious ~" cience and hence fellows hip with me,"

Then

II
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hope 'that t not so," Erwin 8" s' rerec, ~'But if th, f~, lh, way it has to bet what e~ c an ] do?' se
~'~'W'h31t lse can. you, do?" Frederick burst out. "Why, bre e ueak once and for an with. this childishness, this wreu ~ I [and contemptible 'belief in magicl Thai's what else you [II do, if you want to keep 'my respect'
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Erwin ','miled a Iittle, although he. too no longer cheertul.
"You speak as if," he sai d, so gently that through his CJl i words Frederick's ,an,gry voice e till seemed to be echoing abonl the room, "you speak as if that lay within my will, as. J bad a choice Frederick" 'That is not the case, have :11l choice, It was not I that chose rnagic : magic chose me, · F' ederick sig led deeply, '-Then gocdby, he said wearil and stood UJ" without offering Ito shake 'hands".
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"Not ~.ike tha l" Erwin cried out. '~".N, you must, not , e from me like that, Pretend that one of us. is lying on h deathbed=and t rat I.' so!'._aD.d that we must say farew ll,
"But whieh r f
U:~, Erwin,

is dying?'

"Today it is! probably I. my friend. Whoev'e,r wishes tc I born anew must be, prepared to die,'
Once more Frederick went u.p ito ' re sheet of p'ap1er read 'the saying about 'within and 'without
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"Very well,' he said final ,y. 'You are right, ,wt won't 1, an Y good to part in. anger, .I l_ do wb at you, wish; I 1~ preu _ I I
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hnt one of us, is dying" Before I go I'
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to make a last

quest of

YOUoo" ,

,,' m glad ~ Erwin said. "Ten me, what III 'W you on our leavetaking?"

kindness can I

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~I repeat my first question and this is a'~~.so'm,:),: equest ~ plain this saying' to me, as, well as you C~,an,.'
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Erwin reflected a moment an' then spokee: is 'without, nothing is, within, You know the, 11.'il'g···'l'·O,·'u"i!", nin g" of this ~ 'God, is, evervwhe- ~~~~[. H""',~ 1'8- in the mea .... .~ II , . ,.' i..J' "Nothing
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pirwt and also j,n nature. AU is divine, bec~aHj],Ev God '.,. ail. I·l~)rlnierly this 'was. ca,Ued pantheism, Then the philosophic meaning : W'IC are used to divorcing the within from the without
I:n our thinking, but this is. not necessary .. 'DUfr spj,ri. is capable

behind the Iimits we have Stet fo,r it. into the ~, yond. Beyond the pair of antitheses of 'wh ich our world t onsists a :new and diffe ent 'knowledge be,~insl But my
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must confess to yot ~since 'my thinking bas hanged there are no longer any u'lu!m~-j~uous words rand 'ayings for me : ,eve,ry' word has '[ens and hundlreds of meanings. '-,n ' here what ,you fear begins=-magic.
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I, :,ar friend, I

Frederick wrinkled his brow and was a~,ou't to w,nt.errup't, IJut Erwin looked at him disarmingly and COlntinued., speakmg If ore distinctly, "Let me give you an exam'pl~~ Take something nf' mine along with you, any object, mod 6"xanline it a Uttle om tlme to time, Soon the principle of tht: wihin and the without will reveal one of lts many means to you,"

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He glanced about the room, took a B'rn,aU clay fizurine ~om ,8 wall shelf I and gave it to Frederi ck say ing ::
"Take this;w'lth yo~t. as
n~)'parting
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thas 1 .ell?!
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,p!laC'il't&, in

gift,. Whe,! this thing hands (:le,Qses to be outside

vou and' is within you, come

to UU!'

lagain! But if'" it remains
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outside you, the '}f'ay it is nO\N' forever; then this pastin .oU,~'·S fron: me shall also be forever!"

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F -."derick 'wanted to say a gr[ea[ deal more: but Erwin tt his hand, pressed ,it; and bade him farewell with an express: that permitted no fu ther conversation,
Frederick

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,Jeft.:;, escended the stairs (how prodigiously ~(0 d ago he had eli nbed theml); 'went through .he streets to IIJ

home" the, little earthen figure ~n his hand- perplexed and. . i of heart In front of his house be stopped, shook the I~ fiercely for a morn n~ in which te was clutching the figuri and felt a great urge to smash the ridiculous thing to rh ground. He did not do so; he bit his lip and, entered I ho use, N ever before. h ad he been so agitated S,O tormented It fli conrneung e 0' tiIons",
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I ~e looked for a place for his. friend's gift and, put ~I~ figure on top of a bookcase. For i he -i ne b ..ing it ',t -.Y"

there ..
Occasionally as the ,.'ays went by, he Ioo:ked at it, brocdin om. it and In its or' gi n s, and ponde ri n,g the, me a:n~,n.g~ba,'f til I fooli sh -'h"':ng was to have for him, It was a small figure If a. man or ,3 god or an "dot with '.. o laces, like the "'Ol!l7J I w god Janus, modeled rather crudely of clay and covered w_tll a burnt and somewhat cracked glazev The little image Ieel J coarse and iusignificant; cer tainly it was not Roman or (ire sk workmanship; more likely it was, <he 'work 0' some backward primitive race in Africa or the South Seas" The two fae s. hich w··, xaetly alike - bore an a:-' "U~"'.;;:0 indclent f', ain J p ,a~ l .' grinning smile=-h 'was downright ugly the way the Iittle gnen squandered his st upid sm iJ e '
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Frederick could not belt used to the. figure, It was tota J unpleasant nod offensive ~o ~1m it got in his way, it dislu,rb I i him, "h v 'fy next day h took it down and put it 0.0. U·
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iove, and a few days, later moved it to a cupboard, Again ltd again i~ got in the path of his vision, as if it were lure ··ng itself upon him; it, laughed at him co·~d·~.y dulland '\ luedly, put 'On airs, demanded attention, Aft,er at few weeks he put it fin the anteroom between the photographs 0 ' Italy md the '.rivial little souvenirs which no one ever looked at, No'w at least be saw the idol only when 'he was entering or ving and then he. pas ed it quickly Iw.i.tbou~ examining it IIIr~, re closely; But here too the thing still bothered. him th~ough h.;; did not admit this to himself
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'With this shard, this, two- 'aced monstrosity, I urrnent had entered hi 9, ~~fe,

vexation and

One d:·.I,Y months later, he retruned "om a short tri:p-~he I ndertook such excursio ns now 'from time to time, as if something were driving him restlessly about", he entered hi " ~II: use" went through the anteroom, '\Y8S greeted by the maid." and read. 'the letters 'waifing 'for hi m. But he was wn. at ease, us if' be bad forgotten something important; no book tempted

imill no chair was comfortable, He began to rack his. m b,dwhat. was tbe cause of t us? Had he neglected sorneth ing ~'Ilportant'? eaten. something unsettling? n reflecting m't ccurred o ro him. that this disturbing feeling bad come over him as he
had entered th.. apa rill ment . He re urned to the anteroom and nvoluntarily his first glance sought the clay figure, A strange fright wen through him when he did not see the i!dot It had di.sappeared, l~ was missing, Had it walked away un its rtt~e crockery legs? :.' O\V~~ away? By magic?

together, nd smiled at his nervousness, "then he 'began quietly to search ,he whole roon ~ When be found nothing hie called the maid ... She came was
Frederick pulled himself
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cmbarras ed. and admitted at. once that she bad dropped the thing whlle ctaning up.

"~'W.here ,j s it'?'"~
not there au.y more, I had seemed so solid, 1hn liule itL"~'Fla~ she had n 1'&\.11' JILW,u'~" it, 11-n her hands: ' -111'0-' d yer 1·~ ~'IIll t had ~ lll. _:_.~ v~~¥ rw, I shattered to a hundred little pieces and splinters, and IC[HiI not be fixed, She had taken the fragments to a glazier wi had simply laughed at her:' and then she 'had thrown ~hCll It
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all. right with him, He did not reel bad, about the, idol Go knows, The abomination was gone; now he would have p~at: If only he had knockedthe thing to pieces (bat. very fi~sldilY' 'II -h ,. ,'", 'I' 'H '1" b W'h - '~ nae sur "ere, m a11 u _lS U.me"" j_-( .OW' sauggis .. y" nat ne t d uff d '. u strangely, craftily, evilly, satanically that ,ido]! 'bad smiles I~t him, ..'VI, .', D0W,:,', - 'it'hp'Jilf t'if)' w,',,' '~I'if1i b0- me ]'1L;9 cou "I1U ~ ,.;I'm, l"'f' it '~'O:' hi m eel' I '~'Ile',-'11- ,u" 0"' ' "'-" ~I~ ,-, lh
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be had feared it, truly and sincerely feared it, this earthen .god., 'Was it nOI[ the emblem and symbol of everything tl~·l was repugnan t and into lera ble to him, every thi ng that he bad recozn ized all al v.i~bl a- ~ pernicious l"i~"Iilt mica 11 and 'W' orthv ~ on.. D' ,,-,u.l.l:t. ,L-"J~
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suppression-s-an emblem of all superstitions, fall darkness, II]'I coercion of conscience and sp irit? Did it not rep ~le8en:t 'tnat ghastly power that one sometimes felt raging in the bowels of t]:IH~ earth, that distant earthquake, that approaching extinction of IC-ul tu re ":h--_t- .Ii 0'" m ~n 0' c hi '~I '? H..ad n '0','· t'w_I!l.L;,)!_. co.'0tem =_. u 1 ... 'i ~ ptib I!..., a, ~, figure, robbed him of his best fsiend-e-nay, not merely robbed but made of the friend all. enemy? Well, now 'the thing WIS gone" Vanished. Smashed 'to pieces, Done for, :11. as good 80 w it was much better than ~f 'he had destroyed it himself
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rhoughr, or said, And he went about his affairs as
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just 'when he had got mere or less used [10 that ridiculous figure, just. when the sight 01 if, i0. its usual pl ace Oi[1 the an teroom table had gradu all y become ;8, bit mmm lial' and uni mportant to hi m, now its absence "But w~: was Iike at curse

I J un to torment himl Yes" 'he missed it every time he went
II t ugh that room; all he could see 'there was, the empty spot iere it had formerly S tood, and e tptiness emanated from II spot and fined the room with strangeness"
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Bad d.ays and worse nights began, for Frederick, He, could 11111' lonaer go through. the anteroom without t .inkin.g of 'the I J with the two faces- missing ilt and feeling that. his thoughts

yl~rletethered to it, This, became all agonizing compulsion for ~II:n" And it w,as 001- by any means simply on the occasion \11'11, 'he went througb that room tha't he; was gripped by 'this. n
'Ulllpu]s:ruQn~,ah" ,DO" JILl,5t as emptiness and d~solation radiated h OIU Jle now empty spot on the anteroom table, so ttd .. . nmpulsive idea radiated within him, gradually crowded. all
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,Aga,j, an.d again he pictu ed, the figure with utmost .1i ti nctness, j ,_ '~O make it c Iear to hi msel bow preposterous 's L '\-vas 'to grieve Its loss, He could see it in, all its S' u pid
l.'

ugliness and barbarity, with its vacuous yet crafty smile, with Its E:WD fiaces=--='Indeed- as if under duress, fuU of hatred and with his mouth drawn away he found. himself attempting to reproduce that smile, The question peste 'edt him whethe r the two faces were really exactly alike, Had not one of them perhaps on'my because of a little roughness or a, crack 'in the

expression? Some hing qaizzical? Something sphinxlike? And ':_ow peculiar 'the color lof that g, aze had been' Green, and blse, and gray. but also red, were in il~a glaze that he DOW kept finding often in
other objects, in a window's reflection of the sun or In the r lrrorin "ef'l3! 0.•',', a. W"_~,M: pavem ent ···f vr~, ,"
~ -e

"laze. had, a somewhat different

,LA'.

O'.;C'

,f:ir

'Pf. ~

J

1_

,1'1!

He brooded a great deal on ~h'w,:s laze, at night '0(1" It also g s'£,ru,c,khim 'what a strange, foreign ~ll-sounding, unfamiliar, n ,[110st ms lignant WOld. "glaze" was He analyzed '(be world,

and once be even reversed the order of its, letters
~ ~" , rea d -.ezatg,
fl'"0111'1' lie
''iI

N- ] ]' d ,. mc ,".'ow wnere tne cevu ~ d-'" dll

t·, 'fJ1.1S

eet Its 'war,d get i ~o'Uu I

he'n ~t

knew tIlis word

~ezalg, ,,'!, certain ly he, knew 11 ~

:i~ was an unfriendly and bud, word a, word wilh ugly and disturbing connotations. For it long while he tormenter himself with this question, Finally he hi.'[ upon it : ~~z.I,I,~ reminded him, of a. book that be had bought and read man years ago on a trip, and that had dismayed, plagued, and )!l: I secretly fascinated him: it had been entitled Princess ,Elal'~(1 'It 'was like a, curse : everything connected with '[11:e figurine the glaze, the blue" the green the srnile=-signified '~uJs.'fUilyj tormenting and poisoning him". And how very peculiarly h -. Erwin, his erstw hile friend, had, sm i~ ,B.S he bad given 't t I ed idol .i nto his handl How very ,Pecu ~ iarly 'how very sign ~'ficaIi111
moreover,
1
I

hO',N

very hostily,

Frederick resisted manfully-s-and on many days not witheu I success=-the compuls iVie, trend of his thoughts. He sensed 'l~1 danger' clearly ,: he- did not want Co go insanel No, it we~c better to die, Reason was necessary, life Vilas not And II OCCll rred 'to hi 01. that perhaps this was mag ic~ that Erw j t,1, 'with the aid of ilh.~,lfigure, had in some 'way enchanted hint, and that he should fall as a sacrifice as the defender {1~ reason and sci ence agai nst these dismal po'wers. :Bur :i f t hi were SQ, :i f he could e yen concei ve of that as possibl e t hie~l there '~V'a's such a. thing as magic, then ther-e t~U1S sorcery, ,NUl .. 1t were better to ."~' ~, ietter t die! lie; A, doctor recommended walks and baths; and sometimes, :i II search of amusement, he spent an evening al an inn. But II hel ped very 1lttle. flee ursed E rw in~ he cursed h imself One n igh t, as be: ofte n d id now, he retired ear] y and Iuv restlessly awake in bed, unable to sleep. H,~ felt. unwell ~UH~ uneasy, He wanted Ito meditate, be wanted to find so aee

wanted to speak sentences of some sort = .

0

hWl11,Self!ofJd ~

sentences.
. .. _-,:Jj

co m F 0n',,!lito'" r'9";~I~[PU~f"]' 1: . . In,or, n 00 cr
!!o,;r.

_!I;:.oU,,;:[!iiJ!

~

0·,"

[lIJ]'

..
'"

e,~ se methi ng 0, , ,11..Ut,
_I&,;,.i,

'Wi ~[n ~ ",I!!I,!,.!Ill

[li,i~I,..... .

'iL~:

~I[r,aigh~forward serenity and lucidity

0'

'the sentence" [-, wice

1~,"vO four," Nothing came to mind: but in a state almost of is lwgh.theadedness~ he mumbled sounds and syllables to himself
, radually words formed on his Iips, and several times, without , eing sensible
10
Olf

its meaning, he said the same short sentence

hunself which had somehow taken form in him. He, muttered [~I[ tlo himself as if it might stupefy him as ~. 'he n1igh' grope his, way ~dong it, ,IS, ,8 ong a p-arapet to the sleep that e:~.uded him on the n9rnJIW, narrow path that skir ed the abyss, But suddenly, when he spoke somewhat louder the word he W'8S nllum:b~ingpenetra ed, his consciousness, He knew them : they were- "Yes now' you. are within me!" And instantly he knew, 'He knew' what they meant-c-ehat they referred to the ,lay idol and that. now, in this gray night 'hour, he' had accurately and exactly fulfilled. the prophecy Erwin had made )n that unearthly day that now the figure, 'which he had held contemptuously 'in his fingers then 'was no longer- outside him, I! tl'[ within him! '.For what is wi hout is within.' Bounding up m [3 leap, he felt as i'f transfused 'with ice and fire, The world reeled about him, rue planets stared at him insanely. He threw on some clothes, pat on [he light left ~i;, hOU!N! and ran in. the middle of the night :0 Erwin '"~ 'here he saw a light burning in the studio window he 'knew' .so well:', the ~ door to the house was unlocked : everyth wn,g seemed I) be awaiting him, He rushed lIpl the stairs, He walked unsteadily into Erwin's study supportec hims elf with trembling hands on, the t ble, Erwi n sat by the 'lamp, in its gentle light, contempl ati ve smiling, 1Ik., d '.~raciousiy Erwin ~:ou ~'] come, ·'h . 1'8 goo'. .. ave nnt " G ., Iv Erwi ara-set v: "Have you been expecting me? '., Frederick whispered.
~"i,
':t"

i:,'

have been expecting you, as you know, from the' me

I

you left he: re, taking my iittWe ,~ift 'with you, then happened?' '-'-', has ha ppened I Frederick

Has whmt

said, 1~I:The idol is within n

can

t bear it

any long ..J",.~;
I

"Can 1" help you T" Erwi n asked,

~~ don ;,t kno w. Do as, you wil ~.' Te~~ me more (Df Y' magic! lt n me bow the idol can. get ou l of me again, ,,'

Erwin placed his band on JIm.- friend s shoulder, He led hllt1 to an armehai rand pressed bum down in it, Then he spn cordially to F-ed ..rick smiling in an almost brotherly of 'V0i
i

"The idol w'~1 come out of

,YOU.

again, Have trust in m

arned to believe in it ~'. learn to loy' it' .I' is within you but it is still dead, it is ~'Ii a phantom to yOIU,. Awaken ~t speas [0 it, question it!. OF,. is you yourself! Do not hate it any longer do not fear ~t- J not torment it-how you have tormented this poor' idol, wi 'W,1)S yet you yo urselfl Ho W' ~I"OU ha ve tormented yoursel ~~!~
Have .rust in yourself
. .IOU have l
13]8,

this the way

[0

magic?' '- Fred erick asked He sat d. L~ J

in the chair, as if he had grown older

and his voice 'was 10

iiJ,., "Id- nJ,.,,·" • h h ~] '...!I you. Benoro, nns IS magic ,: to interchange tr e Wlt1.0U~ ,llL1u. ul wlthin, not by compulsionv no in anguish as you 'have d. ttl
g, I

'This is the 'r-',ay n Erwin replied, "and perhaps you ha already ta sen the most difficu t step, You have ,'."OU:l1'. I experience : the 'without can become the within, 'You hI' been beyond the pair of anti heses, It seemed hell to " learn; my friend it is heavenl For rnt is heaven that :I:w~i,r

,

it~ bu freely, voluntarily Summon up the past, summon III n:'he futu (If;: bot h are ji n you:~' Unti 1 toda y yo u ha ve been til

slave of the within .. Learn to be its. master.

hat is. magr

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