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“Online Dating is the ultimate source of infinite amounts of love and sex… and this book delivers the secret on how to tap into it. This book will show you, step-by-step, how to build attraction from not only online dating, but instant messaging, and through socialnetwork websites. I have been an experienced pick-up artist for many years and this book is a refreshing look at how to effectively obtain sex.” – Justin Sellars, BC
“Do yourself a favour and read this whole book at least twice – at the very least. The technique Derek uses effectively lets you pickup women by sitting on your ass in the comfort of your own home. I’ve read them all, and I can say by far without a shadow of a doubt, this book delivers everything you need to know to pickup men and women online without fail.” - Evan White, NY
“I don’t date online. However, I do use Facebook/MSN/AIM/MySpace all the time and I can say these for strategies for sarging (picking up) women online literally dominate. If you carefully read through this whole book and carefully apply these strategies, you will experience success.” – Sean Carson, CA
“I thought online dating was stupid when I first heard about it. I was wrong. Reading this book has opened a massive door for me. I will never ever have to worry about not
being able to pick up women again – why go to the club when I can get girls at home on my very own laptop?” – Nick Walker, WA
“Being a female, I was at first rather sceptical when first hearing about this book. This market is generally dominated by books on how to pickup women. However, after reluctantly reading this book as suggested by a friend, I can honestly say that it has changed my life forever. I now have a hunk of a man as my boyfriend at the moment and he is everything a woman can ask for – confident, funny, smart, loads of money...and I found him online!” – Shauna Bourne, FL
“Stop what you’re ******* doing right now and read. Don’t stop until you’ve finished and apply this guide to your life completely. It will change how you think of online dating forever.” – Phil Lipoco, Ontario
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t get girls at all, or if you can easily go to a club and pickup women effectively – this book will destroy all previous notions you’ve ever had about online dating and revolutionize the way you approach it. Go on – read it from cover to cover.” – Ben Lindsey, GA
“Given the nature of my job, I constantly travel. I found it extremely hard to find women to date! So I turned to the online dating community and faced an extreme amount of
failure. I was pretty disheartened to say the least! Then I purchased this book and it changed my online game forever. I go to every city with at least 4 dates setup for me. I’m never, ever travel lonely anymore. My life is about ten times happier. Thank you so much.” – Shea Moore, TX
“Flat out, I have been getting laid consistently by literally doing NOTHING now. I don’t even have to go to the bar anymore. I can sarge when I’m at home.” – Johnny Chow, WA
“Online dating is the way of the future. 5 years from now, if people aren’t looking online to get laid, they would be looked upon as crazy. With the social revolution of Facebook, MySpace, etc., it is inevitable that online dating will be the forefront of find potential mates. Derek does an incredible job in prepping you on not only how to be attractive online, but teaches you step-by-step on eliminating the negative-stigma of online dating that anyone has.” – Cole Hughs, CA
4 Table of Contents 7 Chapter One | Introduction Chapter Two | Online Dating: The Science 13 Behind It All 21 Chapter Three | Binary Theory 31 Chapter Four | Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Chapter Five | Overcoming Online Dating 37 Anxiety Chapter Six | Online Dating Is Fun…But 44 Safety First! 50 Chapter Seven | The Profile 53 Chapter Eight | The Dreaded Picture 75 Chapter Nine | Judging Photographs 4 .
5 Chapter Ten | Choosing an Attractive 81 Username 89 Chapter Eleven | Your Headline 97 Chapter Twelve | Your Profile Content Chapter Thirteen | Establishing Contact with 115 Other Potential Singles 128 Chapter Fourteen | The Second Message Chapter Fifteen | How to Deal With People 138 Contacting You Chapter Sixteen | How to Cope With Online 140 Dating Rejection Chapter Seventeen | The Instant-Messenger 143 Game 5 .
6 166 Chapter Eighteen | The Phone Game Chapter Nineteen | Non-Dating Social 190 Websites (Facebook!) Chapter Twenty| How to Deal with Messages 197 on Non-Dating Social Websites 206 Chapter Twenty One| The First Date 223 Chapter Twenty Two | The Final Notes 6 .
I always had great friends but I was lacking in one vital department of life – love! I was sick and tired being shut down by women literally all the time. watch a movie. I was tired of settling for girls that I weren’t really interested in! All my friends would be going out with gorgeous. and sex. stunning girls all the time that were not only beautiful but amazing people! My friends weren’t that great looking. did I grab your attention? Good. You can effectively be marketing yourself as an attractive. spend time with friends. play golf. spend time with family. work. and loneliness. Many of which I 7 . heartache. sexy single to other attractive singles while you sleep.7 C hapter One | Introduction “Effectively portraying yourself through written language in a sexually receptive manner can bring you a life of happiness. Over my many years of dating I have experienced it all .failure.I mean it. depression. or while you are simply doing nothing. Because the next few chapters will change you and your life forever . confident. either. love.” So.
had pale-white skin. “Then…I began to do some research. gorgeous. So. I researched heavily on the internet on my little Dell laptop. sexy women come in wanting to talk to him and spend time with him. He was one of those friends who were just naturally gifted with women. Every day at work he would have beautiful. I was sick of feeling this way that I did about my situation and desperately wanted a way out of this. I asked him how he could attract so many beautiful women and what he said shocked me. he was definitely not ugly – he was clean and well-kept. 8 . I was overwhelmed by the wealth of information out there and wanted a quick fix.8 would consider average-looking. but he was short. frantically trying to find answers. Then.” I immediately went to the library and looked up all the books I could on the subject of dating and attraction. I bought other e-books and read them all multiple times. one day after work. and had the biggest nose I had ever seen in my life! I had to ask him what his secret was. I mean. very skinny. I met a co-worker at the suit store I worked at… His name was Sean and I’ll leave his last name out for this one. He was definitely not a good looking guy at all. I wasn’t even thinking about the online dating aspect just yet.
My exgirlfriend dates online too. I was never opposed to online dating ever but I just thought it would be something I wouldn’t be into. I didn’t realize amazing. after that point I simply had to find out more. “Um. “I never really go down to the bars anymore. astonished. I knew Ashley. I thought to myself. It came as a shock to me.9 “I met them all online. “Seriously . and attractive people dated online.” 9 . Everyone knows. Do you know Ashley?” he asked me. naturally. Weeks passed. I began to set up online dating profiles not knowing what the hell I was doing! Days passed.” he replied.about half the women you’ve seen me meet in the past few months have been girls who I have met online. So. How could I not? She was one of the most gorgeous French blondes I had ever seen in my life.” he said. I just simply thought it wasn’t possible to meet so many beautiful girls online. Wow. but I enjoy picking up women online. dude. a month passed and I simply did not get a single random message from any single. yeah. I do occasionally. What was I doing wrong? I hit an all time low! “Then I started to use my brain. I had to find out more. I think I remember her…” I pretended as if I didn’t really know her too well so I wouldn’t freak him out. I’ve been doing it for awhile now. “Sorry? You’ve met them where?” I asked him. Finally. I thought you knew.
she unfortunately did not become my girlfriend but we had a great night and hooked up a few times afterwards. dedicated my time to find the best ways to interact with women online. 10 . Just literally 24 hours later. trying to figure out results that worked best. After just a full year of rigorous hard work. I learned methods to not only “digitally” obtain love. I also began running interviews with attractive men and women around North America to find out the best way to portray myself on the internet dating websites. After a few funny messages we exchanged we finally met! Long story made short. integrated online dating messaging systems. I began doing split-ad testing on different dating sites all over the internet. I am serious. this is something that is useful in all social encounters. I received my first message from a single. I looked at every single aspect of my profile and made it better in any way I could. I had slept with plenty of beautiful and attractive women across the globe. Not only this. but I have also found out ways to make excellent first impressions. thereafter. my body was pulsating with joy. but to keep them in real life as well! After all. not just online dating! I have also made miraculous revolutions on how you can create attraction with a potential mate via written language – text messaging. She was a twenty-two year old brunette in college who was actually quite attractive. it would be pretty useless to learn how to pick up women online if you aren’t going to keep them. e-mails. etc. IMs.10 I made a connection between the e-books and studies that I had read in the past and started applying them to my profile. I was filled with happiness. I soon.
how to approach women online in the most effective means possible. and on how to make a good first-impression. literally…the time of My Life. and wrote…almost for three months straight waking up every day. ever. with the help of my friends of course. running tests. and extraneous information.” My Life After three years of compiling data with friends and other online dating gurus around the world. At the end. and wrote. However. I got rid of all the scientific fluff. the philosophical jargon. I have poured my heart and soul into this project hoping to help others that were just like me! These methods outlined in this book are proven to psychologically attract people to your profile. I improved the format and revised it multiple times and ended up with the most concise model on how to pick up singles online. I wrote. 11 .11 “I have made tons of amazing girlfriends/friends along the way and I have been having. pulling out my research. and going on hundreds upon hundreds of dates all around North America. but social-networking websites as well such as Facebook and MySpace. I will not only talk about picking up singles on online dating sites. and typing it out on my computer. I began to start to write a book. I came up with 300 page project.
I hope you put this information to good use as much as I have! 12 . However.12 And yes. the pickup method for picking up singles on online dating websites and socialnetworking websites is completely different. Please note that this isn’t just a book about how to pick up women online but to hold a relationship with them in real life. I encourage you to try both as I do believe that they are both critical to become a well-rounded pickup artist.
13 C hapter Two | Online Dating: The Science Behind It All The Online Dating Profile: Your Digital Marketing Plan In order to fully understand and accept the methods outlined in the following chapter. already have personality tests and questionnaires to aid you in your journey to find your perfect mate – some may be somewhat relevant but most are simply all for show. love. as you will soon encounter. Do not skip this chapter! Many of the dating text books I have read have an extensive background on the science of attraction and dating. and it helps to put everything in perspective. every aspect of your profile has to be finely-tuned to maximize the number results received and to weed out the options that don’t meet your criteria. I am not only teaching you to employ specific methods to be successful with attractive singles online. Although a personality test may 13 . but like any well-run corporate brochure or website. but I am going to focus also on changing your psychological frame completely. It is a fairly simple concept. and sex. Many dating sites. Online dating is essentially the means of “selling yourself” to others through written information and photographs. I am going to force you to focus on your internal game which in turn will transcend on every level of your life – not just dating. you must first understand the basic elements revolving why it works.
idea. how you are like in real life. They are essentially optimizing their marketing strategy to achieve the greatest number of responses to their products. It is. you and a direct reflection of your style.14 depict. many people do not answer honestly (even though they may believe they do so)! If you are an ENTJ and she is an ENTL. Therefore. the process of fine-tuning your profile is not as simple as you may think. whether it be members of the opposite sex or not. This is a very simple concept that is directly applicable when you are dating online. essentially. Your profile is your brochure – it is a symbol of who you are. ugly pictures. to a certain extent) and nor should you. you can imagine how important it can be to set your profile apart from all the drabness that’s out there! An automobile company will not release a brochure with spelling errors. how you speak. picture. think of automobile brochures and websites – every sentence. “Real life interaction is the only sure-fire way to completely assess how well a pair is compatible. and lies (well. When you interact with people. Have you ever been to an extremely popular website that has had poor design and spelling errors? The list of examples goes on. you are selling 14 . wrong information. your personality. your interests.” However. crudely. It is the only thing between you and your potential dates online. sequence of thought. this means nothing in the real world – trust me. and identity is well-thought out. and the way you act. An even more real life analogy would be simple social interaction.
In fact.. the decisions you make. Your body language. your verbal language. our social surrounding has evolved so rapidly that much of our human biology and social biology haven’t caught up to this change. movies. “If you can’t attract women.” -Mystery The art of attraction is changing. one would not reap the evolutionary “tribal” effect. the ability to make quality friends will make up for many of your own personal downfalls. have an astronomical advantage over the ones that cannot. all convey qualities that others may deem either attractive or unattractive. You are on a perpetual ad campaign to sell yourself to make as many quality friends and companions in order to survive. you are by dictionarydefinition. and music. sterile. Our ability to make friends and lovers is probably the most important advancement in human social biology.15 yourself. how you act. your opinions on politics. or worse. The people who have the means to adapt. Social skill is the frontier of our human mental evolution. remain figuratively sterile their whole lives without any means to pro-create. 15 . Without it. People do not just assess your ability to catch an animal for food consumption or to make a fire. however. etc.
varied limbs or lack thereof. That’s right. Regardless of what you think of them. Evolution has weeded out the organisms that do not perform S & R effectively and we are now left. Now think of a tiny ant or worm…or even more profoundly smaller. you would not be here right now (you may be in a different form. Millions have done it before you. and their parents. the singlecelled amoeba. You are the frontier of human evolution. If one of them failed to survive. You are basically a product of a million years of survival and reproduction. and their parents etc.16 Your Goal in Life is to Survive and Replicate Think about every single living organism on our planet. S & R. veins and arteries a human could swim through. but regardless…). now it’s your turn! 16 . They all are engineered to do two things: survive and replicate. or as I will refer to from now on. microscopic organisms. You have all the tools you need to survive and replicate. Now think about their parents. the diversity of life. the fact that they have survived and replicated to create you is a huge accomplishment. with their varied sizes. the best organisms that have survived over the billion years of evolution. varied brain size and mental prowess all have this common goal. there are organisms the size of blue whales that have hearts the size of cars. Think about the complexity of consciousness. in our current earth. Think about yourself for a moment… Think about your mom and dad. These organisms.
as amazing you are for you to be here in this moment in time. or simply want to become better… “You are only as strong as the weakest link in the chain. society has in itself naturally created different tiers of human existence. I already know just by these facts that you have your life generally in order. You must also be lucky enough to have a computer and an internet connection. you are lucky enough to have the brains and power to gain the money to buy it. you obviously would like to improve your game a bit more and this is where you feel that you are lacking. Now. they must understand the mechanisms behind what the tiers of existence are! 17 . However. for example.” Which tier of sexual existence do you fall under? Are you in the top tier where you have the ability to mate with others you truly want or mating with singles that you feel you have to settle for? Or even worse.17 This Is All Incredible…But… Unfortunately. for you to obtain this book. You must also be lucky enough to not even worry about food or sleep – they can be accessible readily whenever you feel like it. are you not even having sex or experience love at all? In order to better understand how one must climb the tiers of sexual existence.
painting. photography.18 Question: Just by your gut-instinct. what aspect of human life do you think most affects one’s level of subjective happiness? A) Money B) Enjoyment of Career C) Art (encompasses music. etc.) D) Sports E) Having Children F) Sex Do not turn the page unless you have chosen one of the above options! 18 .
So. “In fact. 251 days. Life is short. Social integration also plays a huge role in one’s happiness. socially and biologically it does not give the human body a direct benefit. you’re truly missing out on life. The amount of happiness gained from each dollar lessens beyond the satisfactory point of 40-50 thousand dollars a year. each incremental increase in annual income increases happiness in the long run by only a small margin. it only makes perfect sense that it would cause the most happiness out of all aspects of life. Although many might say hobbies such as music gives one much pleasure.19 The Answer Is “F”…Sex! And it’s not sex with multiple people – it’s meaningful sex with one significant person. the duration of the average life is only 28. what does this mean? No. Studies at Harvard University say that beyond making enough money to live comfortably (which many argue is approximately $40 000 to $50 000 a year).” And above this. 19 . Since sexual intercourse with a partner that you deem the most superior is the ultimate goal of survival and replication. don’t give up playing that guitar or working at that career – but get off your butt and go find some love. you won’t be sexually active your whole life! Every moment you spend sitting around on the television or mindlessly playing videogames.
20 Often the most difficult of steps is the first – make the initiative and do something productive with your life. Seize the moment while you can! 20 .
Just like in computer programming language. simple two category solutions. Therefore. or anything to skew your perspective of sugar as a whole.21 C hapter Three | Binary Theory Healthy human beings are constantly assessing everything around them. It is a biological response to the millions of years in response to sugar’s immediate supplementation of energy. close your eyes and put some sugar on your tongue. say you’ve never tasted or heard of sugar before in your life. say in the category of physical survival. exactly? I do not mean everything is categorized into shades – but black and white both symbolize two opposite halves of something that is observed. Likewise. or binary. we too make up things into. any health benefits. Under most conditions of normal human behavior. And. 21 . Through our millions upon millions of years of evolution. You’ve never heard of any health risks. into black or white. sugar would without a doubt be placed in the positive category. most people would say that sugar is good. In a very simplistic example. What does this mean. in the most micro-psychological form. hypothetically. every single thing that can be conceived on a computer is made up by 1’s and 0’s. the human being has developed an extensive ability to categorize everything. Now. ultimately.
“Attraction is not a choice.22 for example. like myself! Keep this category in order – eat well. Many pick-up artists and dating gurus do not have these traits but still achieve an enormous amount of success. Men prefer women who are indeed fit as well. who knows – a potential mate will categorize you as. and enjoy your physical life. when it comes to another human being. They prefer men to have an overall V-shaped upper torso and strong abdominal muscles.” -David DeAngelo Now. you may judge him/her on a multitude of reasoning that is universal with every other healthy human being: 1. all means to assess a potential partner’s physical appearance is in fact just a simple mechanism to ensure that they are healthy. Men also are attracted to somewhat wide hip-bones to indicate the ability to bear children. in a much more complex but still congruent example. exercise. positive! 22 . Essentially. something foul-tasting that lacks nutritional value like a tree branch would likely be placed in the negative category. If you put a reasonable amount of effort in this category.) Physical Appearance – Women are most likely attracted to men that are tall. They all seem to have an affinity for slender men (not necessarily muscular in most cases around the world). sleep well. but also with healthy skin. in binary theory.
but how do you speak? Do you think you speak like a successful. your ability to communicate takes the forefront in your game. do you enunciate your words clearly? Not only this. 3. Everyone can do this. Do you speak in a clear and concise manner. and unworthy of attention? What genre of a person do you fall under – do you speak like someone your age or do speak like someone that sounds twice your age? Remember that many of the most popular pickup artists in the world often do focus on communication skills – after all. if looks aren’t working for you.23 People who not only look healthy tend to also be much more vibrant and confident. Just…stay clean. Please keep note that each and every category of binary theory is positively correlated with everything else. The ability to communicate effectively is often an overlooked aspect to attraction. Wash your hair. and your breath smelling fresh! There is no excuse to not follow this and in many cases this can be a deal breaker when trying to pick up an attractive single. socially adept person? Or do you speak like someone who is shy. 23 . keep your teeth white. 2.) Your Ability to Communicate Fluently and Effectively – I’m not just talking about verbal language but body language as well. It’s important that you do not talk too fast. It is vitally important that you speak loud and clear.) Cleanliness and Grooming – Being clean not only conveys to a potential mate that you are free of potential external harm such as disease.
And remember to always smile! 24 . Humor not only makes people feel good. gesture. Without saying a word. Face it – nobody wants to be with a person who is down all the time and who is not happy. the way you walk. It is a well accepted that 93% of total communication is rooted from body language. More of this will be covered in later chapters. It also portrays a strong social skill set.24 always keep a very relaxed pace when speaking with others and use positive emotion when you’re speaking. Convey that you are pre-selected by other attractive singles.) Humor – Often when women are asked what is the most important traits in what they look for in a man. it does biologically ring through this way. chances are the majority will say confidence and humor. 4. It’s always important to act comfortable around anyone. body language actually conveys much more than verbal. People who are generally not happy often are not satisfied with their social/love life – although people may not directly pick up on this. and move in generally speaks louder than words in comes to sexual assessment. There will be much more on this topic in further chapters. but. stand. and that you are generally pretty happy with your life. Verbal language as I had said earlier is not everything. biologically it conveys intelligence.
shows low social-value. This. given its subjectivity. if 25 .) Style and Clothing – A person that does not know how to dress effectively is completely unaware of how bad they look in the perspective of people who do know how to dress (which are most women!). you need to convey that you have a life and have a social circle that is related to your passion and goals. Keep in mind that this is a very subjective category. but make sure that your unique isn’t ugly. there are many styles and appearances that many men and women find attractive. Whether it is a career or a passion in music. generally. unfortunately for people who hate shopping for clothes. it conveys a solid direction in life! Obviously too much passion can be a turn off (for all you workaholics out there). 6. It’s important to be unique. People and specifically women are attracted to people who are “at the top” so to speak. It’s best to have a fashionable member of the opposite assist you while you shop – after all. but to your physical look as well. It is not only a blow to how others perceive you socially. There is something very attractive about a person when they have a strong love for something they do. 7.) Having a Passion – Having a strong purpose in life is extremely important.) Your Level of Neediness – Picture a rock star or celebrity – they are. however. but having a strong passion is part of one’s identity and should not be overlooked.25 5. not very needy in terms of money and sex because they are simply extremely high in the social ladder. they know what’s best. These rock stars and celebrities.
This category is deeply rooted in your internal game. mails Dear Derek. In no way should you “lean” towards anyone. This is a general outline as to what this book will cover in respect to online dating. respect Each of these categories and many other important subjects will be covered extensively.26 you’ve ever met any. You shou never try and act like you’re not needy – you should should truly and authentically believe that you aren’t need. This book is a comprehensive study on human behavior of attraction and online dating – do not be discouraged by the amount of information at your disposal! Fan Question Throughout this book I will integrate various e e-mails and letters I ls have received that will help shed light on the topic at hand. There is a big difference between the two and further chapters will cover this. 26 . These e-mails have been grammatically edited. never make a huge fuss about what they need in terms of ve love and money. They have extremely high survival and replication value.
act like him. That’s a very insightful question. His fans adore his music and because of 27 . AU ____________________________ Dear Evan. a person like Marilyn Manson has an extreme fashion sense from the perspective of “normal” society. The variation in opinions is directly rooted to cultural surroundings or numerous external influences. however there are some hard-lined. talk like him. However. much do you believe personal preference takes into play in Binary Theory? Theory” section seems to be quite subjective. they dress like him. there are many of his fans that relate to him and find him beautiful. Under every category under your “Binary However. I do acknowledge the subjectivity of each category outlined in Binary Theory. proven traits that almost all healthy human beings will find attractive. etc. how Your Thanks! Evan ********* Sydney. theories on love and life makes complete sense to me and is very inspirational – I hope others will draw from its inspiration as well. For example.27 I’m glad your book covers much more intelligent topics. I do have one question. Thank you.
I’m unsure if you have ever heard Manson speak but he is extremely articulate and intelligible. despite what many people think. Although his clothing is freakish to say the least. is something he’s apparently somewhat good at – good enough to make a very good living off of at the very least. He’s constantly surrounded by hot girls. this shows that he is pre-selected by women. but Marilyn Manson does have many attractive aspects to him. His passion. also highly values other aspects of Marilyn Manson. I’m sure he’s well groomed. but he is definitely fit enough – he is both tall (6’1’’) and slim. assuming it is music. it does flatter how fit he is and he sticks out like nuts in public. he embodies all the confidence in the world.28 it. I am no Manson expert. Above all of this. This fact alone is the reason why he is famous and that may very well be enough of an attractor for many young women around the world. “Don’t judge a book by its cover” I’m sure we’ve all heard that quote before but it really is true. he’s a rock star. however. Just because someone seemingly doesn’t fall into neatly into the categories of Binary Theory simply does not 28 . However. he does fall quite well within the confines of attraction in Binary Theory. Given his massive income. believe it or not. too. You may not think highly of Marilyn Manson (or you might…).
friends. Attraction is a figurative reciprocity that must inevitably take place – a balance. You can maximize each and every aspect of Binary Theory to maximize your mating results. They most positively relate to physical looks. Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game Prize Theory It’s role-reversal time. almighty flaw that many men and women possess when they search for potential mates. They believe that the most logical thing to do to acquire love is to be too “nice” and treat their target like the ultimate prize. That couldn’t be farther away from the truth.29 mean they are unable to attract men or women. etc. Stop treating the opposite sex like pure gold. Remember that although each category is subject to personal opinion which is most influentially rooted by culture. You must put yourself in the psychological 29 . and confidence.). They are not the prize – you are! This mistake is the all too common. survival (money. there are some hard lined characteristics that healthy people generally deem positive.
you will be looked upon as much more desirable. 30 . and powerful – all the qualities I had wanted to be. I would be writing books on how to not get sex! Portraying this is very important.30 mindset that you are the prize – you’re the man.) then often you will be hurting yourself more than helping yourself. I strongly believe that if you adopt this mindset before you undergo the actual process of online dating or online gaming. Personally. I remembered the first time the game began to click for me – it was the moment I realized that all my actions began to become completely natural. If you portray that you are the prize incorrectly (by acting too arrogant. David DeAngelo popularly employs the “cocky and funny” attitude by mixing arrogance with humor – this is a way to portray that you’re the prize in a positive manner. Now. funny. So What Are You Trying To Tell Me? What I’m trying to say is rather simple.. I had been doing pickup for so long that the “prize” frame of mind consumed my mind. I strongly believe that if everyone adopted this frame of mind. I was confident. charismatic.. you will experience about ten times more success. If you optimize your profile with the tips and strategies I outline.
31 C hapter Four | Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs 31 .
The first four categories at the base of the pyramid associate themselves with physiological needs. these needs must be satisfied in order for the pursuit for higher ranking desires.32 Remember that you are a biological machine and you have specific rankings for each and every desire you have. not alcohol) According to Maslow. Abraham Maslow created this ranking system based on proposed paper in 1943 called A Theory of Human Motivation. then eating must be required in order for the progression of the higher tiered motivations such 32 . Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs simply summarizes this. if one is hungry). while the top two layers of the pyramid associate with self growth integrated with physiological needs. If the body is chemically imbalanced (that is. Physiological Needs Physiological needs encompass basic animal needs: eating sleep excretion desire for a warm and sheltered environment sex drinking (water. or deficiency needs. A person that has high survival and replication value will undoubtedly have all categories of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs at a satisfactory level.
man desires for a lawful. However. However. Security Needs Once the physiological needs are relatively satisfied. chances are you are well off enough to have a place of shelter. I do acknowledge the subject at hand is online dating and women. and exercising are keys to a more positive outlook. the body needs to be at a biological homeostasis before proceeding to the other layers of Maslow’s Hierarchy. Chances are. it should be stated that getting enough sleep. a computer. and a healthier looking body. drinking sufficient amounts of water. and all the physical security you need. however. predictable society to assure safety for himself. However. eating correctly. If you are reading this book. if you don’t. these topics are for another book.33 as the next tier. Security Needs. then maybe you shouldn’t be sitting here reading this book! 33 . In other words. Man faces the problem of securing his immediate awareness: health and well-being security from crime and violence security of means to make a living security from disease and accident Beyond trying to satisfy the critical physiological needs for survival. the next tier of motivation is safety. that your needs for this is well met.
the next tier of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is none other than love! Social integration is also encompassed in this category. however. People must do something in which they feel they are contributing in a positive 34 . for example. However this tier generally consists of… sexual intimacy friendship having a supportive and communicative family After the self has been taken care of (Security Needs). Sometimes the motivation to fit in can override the physiological needs or security needs. There is an exception to this placement on Maslow’s Hierarchy.34 Love and Belonging Needs Once the need for security has been met. This tier seems to be the most interconnected with the rest as it transcends most deeply with every part of human life. anorexia can be a deadly psychological disease that forces one to refrain from eating to fit in to their desired social group. confidence. and respect for others. self-respect. the next motivational step for humans is social integration. Esteem Needs This tier concerns itself with self-esteem.
Imbalance in this category can lead to low self-esteem and depression. There are generally two realms that one must conquer to primarily satisfy this tier – the internal struggle for confidence and the external support from others. people feel the need to make an identity for themselves to gain the approval or acceptance from others in their immediate social group. Whether it is a hobby or career. External support can highly contribute to one’s selfesteem – psychologically it is vital that one regularly receives moral support from friends and family to maintain their stability. 35 .35 light to gain recognition. Usually confidence is rooted from self-achievement that is not usually related to outside support (although external support can contribute to it). Depression due to this tier may also be rooted by chemical imbalances as well.
36 Quick Tip Throughout this book I will integrate key. social integration needs. Although I have stated the most transcendent tier of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is the need for social integration and love. Remember that your battle to be successful starts with your frame of mind. creative. Self Actualization After everything under esteem needs. short pointers. most of the success lies in the esteem tier. 36 . and physiological animal needs have been met. the desire to become all one can be is the focus and the desire. These are must reads so be on the lookout! Success with attractive singles is often reliant on your ability to have respect for yourself. The need to become an effective. and mature human being becomes the forefront of motivation and this is where we are pushed into the boundaries as human beings. security needs.
you immediately expose yourself to thousands of singles in your area with only a few mouse clicks. You don’t even have to leave your house. perhaps you lead a busy life or simply do not have the time to put yourself in those types of social situations. Perhaps you are sick of the club scene or suffer from approach anxiety (which is another serious topic that will be addressed later in this book). Getting a date has never been so easy. Simply put.37 C hapter Five | Overcoming Online Dating Anxiety If you are new to the online dating scene. you might be reluctant to share that fact with others around you. online dating is an ever-growing multi-billion dollar industry that increases its user base by the thousands every month. Tell me who wouldn’t want to do that? If you 37 . “Go to any well-known dating site and it will show you how many of people have found the love of their lives online – why can’t you?” Why should trying to obtain love be embarrassing to anyone? By entering the online dating scene. It may be because you are embarrassed that your friends or family might think you are unable to find a partner in “real life” when clearly you are doing it for other reasons.
It’s true! Believe it or not. which you are.) The people who will view your profile will be singles who are interested in online dating as well. here are a few facts that should help you overcome this. If you fear that someone you know might see your profile. If in fact you are still suffering from online dating anxiety. tell me why you wouldn’t want to sell yourself to as many people as possible to obtain the best possible results. stand back for second ask yourself. Being attractive does not mean you are automatically satisfied with your love life. Out of all my years of online dating I have not once received ridicule from anyone. On the contrary. If there are any people out there that go about dating websites to specifically cause grief to its members. many attractive people feel the need to explore other avenues to meet singles to optimize their options.38 are an eligible bachelor or bachelorette that has a lot to offer to the world. If you set up your profile correctly. there are rational and goodlooking people out there like you! Don’t you want to meet them? Take a second 38 . ever.) There are an abundance of attractive people who date online. those people need to get a life! 2. “So what?” Chances are very good that those people themselves are interested in online dating as well or simply already have a profile. and some quick pointers to justify online dating to your friends! 1. nor should you. Trust me when I say that there are very few people who would go to dating sites simply to ridicule their members.
or worse! It is foolish to pass an opportunity 39 . 5.) You make tons of friends! If you meet a person that doesn’t live up to your standard. you won’t run the risk of bringing home a nasty troll due to your intoxication. 3. Express that you are picky.) As previously mentioned.) The Love of Your Life might be out there right now and you’re letting the opportunity to snatch them up go. Often people you are interested in dating have friends that are maybe more interesting or hotter! Never figuratively close the door on anyone. In fact. That very person that you are so compatible with might be dating online. Dating online opens a plethora of options. Act now. there are probably more eligible singles online than you’ll ever meet at a night at the club or a pub! Not only this. Trust me – I know. but don’t be a jerk. As disturbing as it sounds they might be flirting with another single right now. This fact alone should allow you to get over your anxiety! 4. it doesn’t hurt to make friends with them! You never know – that person that you dismiss as “not good enough” could easily be a valued companion in the future.39 to imagine the amount of opportunity online dating opens for you in this field. Keep your options open and always uphold that positive attitude. online dating allows you to maximize your dating options. there are an abundance of quality singles that are just more the willing to mingle with other quality singles.
As you will realize after reading this book and employing these tactics. Even through failure.) It’s fun. plenty of great sex. online dating can be quite satisfying.40 to meet some truly amazing people online. and it is a world filled with happiness. Online dating is a wonderful hobby if done correctly and safely! Through my many years of online dating I have had some truly incredible experiences and I can honestly say that I have had the time of my life! 40 . There are plenty of great people who date online. there can be positives aspects that can be drawn. and of course. 6.
especially women. I’m excited to finally get my hands on your book! question. situations? Thanks! Are there any tips to help me diffuse these I have no problems justifying online dating to Just one Richard ********* Pittsburgh. Here are some tips to help diffuse those awkward and 41 . I have received much critique about online dating from friends and family. PA ____________________________ Dear Richard! I’m glad you are not afraid to at least expose the truth about online dating to your friends. but I do receive a bit of heat when talking about it to my friends. myself. It is vital that you are confident at what you do – confidence is the key to success when it comes to almost anything.41 Fan Question Dear Derek.
I have a date. make them read chapter 6 of the book. well I guess you’re going to have to find a fourth replacement for our awesome Guitar Hero/Halo/World of Warcraft fest this Friday night. at least I won’t get drunk at some bar and bring home some nasty-ass freak of nature! I’m terrified by that. Oh!”…I’m sure you get the picture! It key to understand that if you talk about online dating like there’s nothing wrong with it and with confidence. If it’s safety they’re concerned about. Don’t be afraid to admit you date online! Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game 42 .42 embarrassing situations… Come up with something funny or witty to work against them. The secret to success with online dating becomes from an internal battle with the self and the anxiety. “Hey.”…or…”Hey. then people will more likely see from your eyes.
43 . Don’t jump in the online dating scene if you’re not willing to at least put in the effort to succeed! Don’t leave with a bad impression of online dating and forever ban it from your life! Confidence is basically the key to everything you do in life – this book just isn’t about meeting women online and how to succeed with them. I hope you realize this fact. the more you do something. By the time you finish this book. Be confident in your approach to online dating.43 Quick Tip Be Confident With What You Do! Like with anything. Fully embrace it and do not feel embarrassed because there is no reason to! Feel comfortable enough to employ all my tactics that I describe and know that they do work. it’s more than that. the more confidence and comfort you gain from it merely through repetition. This applies fully to online dating and I stress this more so than ever when you are attempting to pick up men or women.
phone number.). however I do recommend against this. It is important. Although there is nothing inherently wrong with this. They aren’t coming over for sex or dinner just yet! Just give enough information to keep things 44 . to choose a good. this basic guideline should be followed. However. place of work. personal website URL (MySpace. I don’t have to explain why this is important.44 C hapter Six | Online Attraction Is Fun…But Safety First! It never hurts to read this over quickly before getting into online dating. Facebook.) Choose a screen name that is something completely different than your name or anything associated with your specific whereabouts and identity. however. your family’s/friend’s identity. 2. your exact whereabouts. do not create much attraction. There are many who choose to use their nicknames. You never know when you are being victim of fraud or worse! Before going into the various techniques of attaining love online. These are in no particular order and you should follow all of these safety measures religiously. generally. work number. or your financial security. etc. attractive screen name which I will explain in later chapters. it is vital to learn the many safety measures first: 1. Nexopia. nicknames. or anything to compromise your identity.) Give out information sparingly – to start! There is no use in giving your full name.
Many dating sites have built in messaging systems that can be used temporarily before you begin to make hard contact. and nothing more. but through some pretty simple questions you can easily distinguish who you should avoid. Initially. AIM. I highly recommend this.) I know we’re getting a bit ahead of the game.) Create a separate e-mail account if you wish to be used solely for online dating. 4. This also goes without saying. You can easily set up a separate e-mail account anywhere which you use specifically for online dating. or Yahoo! Messenger account to establish the next step of establishing hard communication with your potential date. Inform somebody of your whereabouts. meet him or her at a public gathering. Use your common sense and do not fall victim of fraud or worse. the general area of where you live. It only takes a few minutes! Furthermore. That means first names only. (a straight man that is – I think!) I’ve never had a problem with facing any overly creepy women. 3. Meeting 45 . but as a woman I must warn you that there are some (very rarely) extremely wild personalities out there! Usually it is pretty clear who is a creep and who is not. do not even give out your personal e-mail address. you establish a degree of trust which I will talk about in later chapters.45 interesting. but when you do meet your date. Being a man. you can use this e-mail to establish an MSN. it is a very clear indicator that they are not communicating for the interest of dating. By giving someone an e-mail address. If someone is pressuring you to give you them any piece of vital identification or your whereabouts.
You can extract much more information from a person through talking on a telephone than e-mail interaction or instant messaging. but simple precautions should be taken. People who do not give their photograph are either insecure about their appearance (which many people find incredibly unattractive in itself even if they are gorgeous).46 in a public place does not always mean to meet at a coffee shop or restaurant. Unless you truly do not care about looks which I think is complete rubbish. or they have something to hide. showing not only sexually attractive photographs. Your first conversation should never take place on your home phone or personal land line. there are a plethora of things to do on a first date! Never allow them to pick you up at home. there must be reciprocation – it is vital in healthy and aids in the development of social trust. As you will learn in this book. 5. 46 . requesting a photograph of somebody is a safety precaution.) Request a photograph. Keep this in mind when interacting with people who refuse to give their photograph (after you give them theirs.) Talking on the telephone is vital to online dating success. As you will learn in later chapters. but photographs that convey that you are socially adept and fun are vital to your success in online dating. 6. Use a cell phone if possible. sometimes you can immediately know whether you are compatible with someone or not. Use your own means of transportation. of course). As I will teach you in later chapters. By hearing a way a person speaks.
Out of my many years of online dating. The beauty of online dating is that you can choose when you want to pursue meeting a person or not. It never hurts to stay safe! nd Fan Question Dear Derek! I took your preventative measures and I have haven’t yet faced any situations where I have been exposed to danger! However. Keep in mind that I am not trying to scare you out of online dating. I 47 . however. Keep these seven points in mind and refer to them on a regular basis. it is important to keep this measure in mind. . I have never. While you oose should not take your time completely when getting to know someone online.47 7. ever encountered any problems. If someone conveys red flags which I will talk about in later chapters. encountered many suspicious personalities online.) Use your common sense. it is quite possible that you are putting yourself at risk. I have. There is no point taking risks when it comes to online mmon dating.
it is mandatory to state that there will be no second date. However if you have been interacting with this person for a considerable amount of time. However. However if you are constantly 48 . Never lead people on – it’s rude! Apart from people you’ve actually been on dates with. This is etiquette. somewhat mean turning these people off and I do not want to inform them of my gut feeling I have of them even though it may be wrong. BC ____________________________ Hello Shea. Thank you for purchasing my program. Are they any good excuses to use? I feel Shea ******* Vancouver. Often the best idea is just to ignore them completely. I hope you’ve experienced lots of success! There are so many people who receive several messages a day that simply do not have the time to reply to all of them. if you been on a date with a person. or that you’ve found someone else. It’s often best to do so other than informing people that you do not wish to carry out further interaction. simply state that you are going out of town for awhile and let the situation diffuse over time. cutting interactions cold turkey is usually the safest way to avoid further interaction. Don’t feel bad by cutting interaction off right away.48 find it awkward when I’m turning down someone due to this suspicion.
receiving personal harassment, contact the online dating website and inform them about it.
Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game
C hapter Seven | The Profile
Okay! Now that we’re done with the boring but important stuff, let’s get to the actual attraction part of the game. Again, the previous information I have given you is still vital and you should have read it to get you motivated and set in the right frame of mind. After all, after you read this book, you will realize that the key of online dating, and dating in general, is simply that – having the right frame of mind.
The profile is regarded to be the most important aspect of online dating. I disagree – I believe it is not as important as your first set of interactions with your potential target (although photographs are a significant part of the online dating experience). However, it is the only thing standing between you and your potential love interests – it is the digital form of you! Just like the aforementioned business brochure analogy, every single aspect of a profile design should appeal to as many people as possible; you can weed out the matches you don’t want on a later date. This applies to you if you’re just using this book for your social-networking profile as well.
You may think, however, that changing how you want to change your profile is a conflict in interest in find people who you deem attractive. I whole-heartedly disagree. These techniques are not used to determine who you are as a person, but to allow for the increase in volume of people to want to see who you are. Written language can be
subjective and people form opinions constantly – you don’t want them to mistakenly form a wrong and negative opinion about you right away otherwise it is simply over. Don’t you think first-impressions are important? I do. I bet you so does everyone else.
Keep in mind that the goal of creating a good profile is to convey positive traits of you. Surprisingly, through written language, you can convey a plethora of things about yourself. Remember that each aspect of your profile all work together to create an overall effect or a purpose. Just like a company website or brochure, your profile is attempting to sell you. However, there is one main difference that you must take note when applying the following rules; you cannot make it evident that you are trying to convey these traits. This is the difference between a man who is confident and a man who is arrogant. There is a huge discrepancy in this so be extremely careful and read through these outlines thoroughly.
However, you can never be too confident! In fact, many of the most famous pick up artists and online dating gurus around the world have advocated that when you are interacting with people online, you can never, ever draw the line on the confidence meter – as long as you are being playful. However, many people argue that this is morally wrong – that being overly confident is destroying who you are and your own identity. I strongly disagree with this. In fact, if you are not confident (as you may be with people you do not know very well), you are not being yourself. You are most yourself when you are with your friends and with your family. Ask yourself, are you like that with people you barely know? Chances are you aren’t. It’s important that you create a comfortable, non-
threatening establishment when you meet other people – confidence is within all of us and it’s natural to be confident.
When creating your profile, always keep these points in mind as they will be reflected in further chapters when you are interacting with potential singles as well; through e-mail, messaging, instant messaging, telephone, and even when you first meet! The next few chapters will explore every aspect of your profile and how optimize it. Read carefully! It is a rather simple thing to do – but it takes a lot of work… and it pays off in the end.
53 C hapter Eight | The Dreaded Picture Question: How many times more likely are you to receive a random message from a person from having a good profile picture available? A) Twice as likely B) Three times as likely C) Five times as likely D) Seven times as likely E) Nine times as likely Do not turn the page unless you have chosen one of the above options! 53 .
The things you are doing in the pictures. your social status. In fact. this is regardless of how sexy or attractive you think you are! An attractive profile picture not only conveys how healthy your physical appearance is. Nexopia. Get people to take pictures of you doing things you love! There are many ways to portray attractiveness if you aren’t naturally the best looking person in the world. but how well-off you are. the type of clothing you wear obviously impacts the overall appeal as well (and in many cases. a night out at the club. Luckily.Why You Must Have One…Regardless of How Good Looking You Think You Are! If anybody says to not show your picture. It is statistically proven that you are at least nine times more likely to receive a random message from another user if you have a good profile pictures. Facebook. etc.) are infected by many of horrible. Again. and many aspects of your personality that simply cannot be expressed in written language. Another reason to have a good profile picture is to establish trust. you will be well-informed on how to make great profile pictures! You should bring cameras to special events such as parties. for you. wretched pictures. or other random excursions.54 The Answer is “E” . too!). your body language most importantly can significantly increase your appeal. your style. profile pictures are the most important aspect of your profile – never forget this! Internet dating websites and personal websites (MySpace. they are simply killing your chances at receiving random tells. how much clothing you are wearing. Imagine yourself as an attractive female going through profiles – are you more or less likely to go 54 .
or have access to.55 for the guys that have pictures where they’re having fun… or pictures of guys looking creepy and taking weird shots of using a webcam. Many professional photographs say that outdoor shots are most favorable and in most cases they can have the best natural lighting of all. This is by far your best choice to obtain quality pictures of yourself. they have no picture at all. However. you want to avoid as much unflattering shadows as possible. Now. The Type of Camera You Should Be Using…Crash Course in Photography! Many people nowadays have. Do not use webcams or cheap cell phone pictures! Your photos must be clear and well-defined – there is nothing more worthless than a picture that doesn’t clearly depict what it’s shooting! If you do not have access to a good digital camera. They always look much better than in a 55 . I am not saying you should take photography classes but a basic outline on how to take a decent picture definitely helps. Think of looking at someone during a candle-lit dinner. Regardless of your method obtaining a good picture of yourself. a good digital camera. Always use flash when taking photographs. Lighting is another issue that should be addressed. the bottom line is that you must have a good photograph despite how obscenely disgusting you think you look or how poorly you photograph. Or worse. you can also use a scanner to upload hard copy pictures for you. if you are indoors. make sure there isn’t an excess of bright lights.
and blurry person! Again. or look like David Beckham. Unless you are putting up a baby pictures to “awwwwe” your crowd. They must appear natural!” Unless you are actually a model. you certainly need to know how to take the best pictures possible! Make Sure Your Photographs Are Recent This goes without explanation. If you are female.56 room with glaring florescent lighting. If you are on an online dating site and you only have the choice of choosing seven or eight pictures. 56 . Avoid taking photographs with too much sunlight as well. Make sure the zoom is also set correctly. “You definitely do not want to look like you put too much effort into your pictures. Keep this in mind while taking photographs. This can be seen as insecure and very unappealing to people. however this must be said. you don’t want your pictures to look like you’ve hired the best photographer in the city to do a one day photo shoot by the beach. Always keep the camera level to your face or slightly above it – this will prevent the camera from catching a glimpse of your chins (if you have any). this is a different story. There is nothing more unsatisfying to an online dating user than a picture that depicts a very small. your photos should have been taken at least within the last year. all this may be common sense to some people. unclear.
You will not shy away from the camera when someone chooses to take a picture. both short-run and long-run! This is a pretty obvious point. and in this case. All your pictures should contain a good variety of clothing – don’t make it seem like you only have one set of clothes. or clothes you know for a fact look good.57 You need to be honest in this department – avoid the embarrassment of meeting your date for the first time and having you look about ten years older than you did in the picture! Be honest – it will pay off in the long-run. Not everybody is going to dig your style but if you have a definite image portrayed confidently. that can be very attractive. You obviously want to look good and feel good so wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable. But most importantly. I have heard horror stories from a lot of my past girlfriends about meeting guys who put up pictures of themselves when they were 25… but they ended up being almost 40. but believe me… some guys just don’t get the picture. Put in some effort! Make sure your clothes fit correctly (unless you’re going for the gangster look. Don’t be one of those guys. if you wear clothes that you know look good. but I do not recommend this for most people!) and that they are clean. Decide On The Clothes That You Will Wear This can be tricky. this will be reflected in every aspect. You will stand up straighter for pictures. 57 .
clothes are the first things that people assess. 58 . This may not be for anyone. but they can definitely wear tighter clothing. If a man is clean-cut and dressed in a suit. Stick with clothes that draw the attention to you and make your eyes. people automatically think wealth. hair. when it comes to meeting your date. Don’t be shy! However DO NOT INCLUDE A TOPLESS PHOTOGRAPH. Having good style. furthermore. but for those who have great physiques . you are trying to portray your style and unique image in a few photographs. And. Maybe a day at the beach with your friends? A pool party? Make it seem natural and always smile. intelligence. If you have a photograph of yourself you really like that is topless. and lips stand out! This is not to say you should dress plainly – I am not saying this at all! Again.this is a sure-fire way to attract some positive attention. as much as you may hate shopping or thinking about it is a sure way to attract positive attention from attractive people. they immediately categorize a person by the way they dress. you can follow up with even more flashy threads to “wow” them. so your choice in clothes must define you while at the same time not distract the viewer. Clothing is not just important in photographs. In many cases. show it off! Men definitely can’t wear such things as mini-skirts or thongs. Don’t make it seem like you’re posing for the camera – if you are truly good looking you may intimidate others that do not know you. The most attractive thing people need to notice is your physical prowess: your face and your body. If you are fit. make sure you are smiling in these pictures and perhaps doing something else.58 Don’t wear clothes that are far too busy – patterns are distracting. These types of “topless” pictures should not be self-portraits.
Body language not only portrays health but also confidence. Just like in real life you need to portray confidence and have an approachable effect. then get someone to help you fix up your image and help you shop. Forgive me if I’m wrong.59 and success. They might even think you have a nice car. physically. That’s a plain and simple fact that you cannot avoid. as well! Get Your Body Language Right! I hate to make this point sound harsh. If your arms are crossed in front of 59 . 93%. This includes your body language! “It is said that 93% of communication is non-verbal.” That’s right. This is a crucial field that many people neglect that can immediately have a profound effect on not only online dating but your first impressions with real live people. Mastering every facet of your body language is vital to attracting the opposite sex. but from a rational perspective. Getting your body language right in the moment of a photograph is crucial. All this can be conveyed without you even mentioning a word! If you hate clothes. People are attracted to people who are healthy and fit. this is a significant part of your game. They may also draw the fact that you care about yourself. You need to convey as much positive “health” attributes as much as possible. but it’s definitely true.
If you are holding a drink. You should not only do this in photographs but in real life as well. Always have your feet pointed slightly outward. 60 . always sit back and try not to lean forward. If you are standing like a geek (you know what I’m talking about) with your hunched back. always hold the drink by your side. but be natural about it. Always stand straight (or sit straight) and keep a relaxed stance. for now… keep your body language intact. Never hold the drink out in front of you near your chest level. However. If you are sitting down. And for God’s sake. walk around with a bit of authority! Don’t float around like a pansy! Just picture yourself – you are the man. or your legs are crossed. then you just simply look stupid. Stand with a very slight space in between your feet and make sure they are firm to the ground. I know there are exceptions if you are taking a “funny photograph” which is extremely important. You need to move and interact like a man. Try and look tall. legs close together with your feet pointing out with lanky arms. Make it look natural – not forced.60 you. Keep your arms down to your sides and keep the back of your hands facing outwards toward the viewer. this conveys coldness – just like in real life. for all intents and purposes.
“be graceful. That is all I can say. Personally speaking. Not only this. confident woman. playing with hair…all of this can be looked upon as quite weird. there is absolutely nothing worse than to see an attractive girl slouch. Women also have a tendency to have a lot of bad habits – biting nails. This may all seem quite ridiculous. More on Body Language – Getting It Right! Practice. This applies to both men and women. And like their mothers always say. most women have it right. Don’t you remember that girl that always used to sit at the back of the class? The really nerdy one with greasy hair? Don’t be the male equivalent of her. Generally speaking. practice. chewing hair. they keep their back straight. Also this can also be deemed as quite insecure. Confident people always stand straight – rarely do you see a rock star like Tommy Lee or celebrity on television with a slouch. but in reality this portrays to your potential mates that you are a healthy.” Girls that move around like dudes are just nasty! Picture what a woman would think if you walked around like a geek – same deal. Look at yourself and go from top to bottom… 61 . but if you have a healthy physique you will look much taller and slimmer.61 Picture a good-looking. practice. Like with men. Look in the mirror in the morning and run through the checklist.
) Are my eyes droopy or are they bold? Am I smiling? Is my head up? Are my shoulders square? Is my chest sticking out (make sure this looks naturally . this isn’t really body language. slightly pointed outwards? How’s the overall look? Does it look natural? 62 .62 How’s my hair? (Okay. Is my back upright and straight? Are your hips square? Are your feet planted on the ground firmly. but it doesn’t hurt to check.this should work in conjunction with your straight back).
The clearly have their life in order (at least at that moment of time). They slouch and are staring blankly at each other. One pair is having a casual conversation. Looking at them almost wants to make you smile too . and conveying to others that they are having a good time. laughing. Now juxtapose the other couple right beside them and they are smiling.you would certainly most likely want to get to know them more than the former couple. 63 . you will draw people in! Think about two couples in front of you. If you portray happiness. always smile! This step seems obvious but people psychologically react positively to people who smile. It is infectious. Yes. I do advocate mystery online – but not the creepy way of portraying mystery! Unless you are doing a photo shoot for GQ Magazine. but they certainly aren’t portraying it at first glance. there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t be smiling unless it’s for humor. They might be a nice couple. Smiling definitely conveys this as well! I know some of you out there will try and consider making “mysterious” pictures. Moods are virulent. chances are if you are in a neutral mood.63 Always Smile! As the title states. Their body expression is cold and bare and their arms are crossed. you will tend towards happiness as well. but they are not smiling. that overwhelming feeling of depression will bring you down as well. If you hang around someone who is depressed all the time. This is a natural psychological effect that should be implemented everywhere you go! Women are generally attracted to males that have a lot of male attention. If you see someone smile.
Be picky. too. You have adjusted your whole life to basically conform to what you seen in the mirror but do not despair! Your assessment of yourself is generally wrong. and what clothes simply do not work for you. but don’t be too quick to 64 . This is completely natural to not like your own photographs – what you see in the mirror is not what the camera shows. When you’re in these situations try and vary your poses. By examining yourself in various situations you will be able to accurately assess which poses you look good in. Feel comfortable with the pictures you have taken. though! Try to get your photographer to take pictures of you with as many different people as possible. which angles you photograph well in. At the end of the night you will be bound to like a few pictures that you have taken. Quick Tip Warning: remember that everyone is way too critical of their own photographs. Many Pictures! You should be compiling a huge array of photographs over a long period of time.64 Take Many. Keep the above to sections in mind on body language and smiling. You should have literally hundreds of pictures of you to choose from when you’re selecting appropriate photographs for your online dating profile. Many.
Again. physical appearance. nine times more likely to not receive a random tell from women! Please help! It seems like I am I seriously am considering just going However.65 dismiss all the pictures you’ve taken. get a friend to help you! Keep this up and you’ll have chicks complimenting you on your photographs in no time. I definitely understand the significance of having photograph in your profile. I do seriously have issues with my Stanley ********* 65 . Fan Question Dear Mr. if you are having troubles with this. into the dating pictureless because I do fear that I am deterring people more than attracting. Lamont.
66 Toronto. if you convey you are a socialite. they are missing out! There are an abundance of men that I have taught who I know for a fact are “ugly ducklings” but that didn’t hold themselves 66 . if your body language is sound. you need to feel comfortable with who you are. If you are smiling. Like I have said many. do something about it! Read Sean’s fitness guide that is included in the bonus section of the package. you cannot have this mindset – the battle to obtain love is an internal. if you are portraying that you have a lot going for you. I’m not trying to be mean. There is no excuse to not put a picture of yourself on your profile. It doesn’t matter if you are physically attractive or not – if you people aren’t willing to put in the effort to get to know you. this feeling will transcend on every single level of your interactions. If you are wired to think that you are ugly and unattractive. CA ____________________________ Dear Stanley. many times. and if you have a decent sense of style. but you do not want this effect. Often more times than not if you build up a positive image to someone and finally exchange photographs. Most people are much too hard on themselves when it comes to assessing their physical appearance. psychological struggle of confidence. you will attract much more attention and increase the possibilities of having someone reply to you. Try to put much more effort into your style. they will be disappointed. In truth. If you are unfit.
Put some pictures of you doing that! This is a chance to show that you are adventurous as well! However. I am going to be quite honest when I say that these photos are not nearly as effective as using a real picture of yourself. if you have tried everything you could and you are still incredibly unhappy with the way you look after you have tried everything in the style guide. Also. Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game 67 . However. I strongly think that anyone should be able to at least be presentable when it comes to pictures but this is an alternative that some people find useful. then there are alternatives! Like I said. never should you go without a picture. you can add a picture of you doing something spectacular – perhaps you have pictures from bungee-jumping or sky-diving. but you could get somebody on the street to do a sketch of you and post it as your picture! This will generate a lot of interest in your profile and you can real people in with your personality then show those pictures of yourself. many attractive women online.67 back! They are dating many.
68 Include Pictures That Convey That You Are a Socialite There are numerous types of photographs that convey more than just physical looks. parties. If you can convey that you have this powerful survival tool at your disposal.) Your dating profile should include at least one picture of you and your friends having an enjoyable time. Women. however. Everyone around you in this picture should be smiling to portray that you are fun to be with. 1. You need to include a picture to convey that you are a leader and have the ability to make friends. that some pictures make better main profile pictures than others. If you notice men that have gorgeous girlfriends are automatically bound to attract much more attractive women just due to his social status. Remember that women are attracted to members of the opposite sex that are leaders or capable of making lots of friends. a night out at the club. Keep in mind. That is a simple fact. Likewise. attractive men and women. sporting events. or anything that you deem socially fun. There are many locales that you can use to take these pictures. people have no choice to be attracted to you. in particular. You don’t want to 68 . are more inclined to look at a man in a more sexually receptive manner if the man is surrounded by beautiful. this works well if a man is surrounded by lots of male friends. The most powerful tool you can have in today’s society is the ability to create friendship with as many quality members of society possible. Keep note of which pictures you are able to set as main profile pictures.
Remember. generally. Psychologically. Make sure these photographs clearly depict you. this strategy works wonders for you. As stated previously. don’t you? Quality singles feel the same way too.69 date someone who is boring and that doesn’t want to have fun. also make sure that you are at the center of attention (or relatively close to it). In each and every picture. you should convey positive qualities without making it obvious that you are trying to. They don’t necessarily have to even be 69 . one or two pictures with your friends. There are many studies that show that women often do gravitate to images of men who have the pictures of beautiful women around them. set these pictures as your main profile picture. You can easily obtain a picture of you standing in between two beautiful women with your arms around each one. This is an extremely effective way of portraying that you are socially competent while not saying that you are. It is important you include at the very least. There is no point in putting a picture in your profile where you are not the focal point to some extent. If possible.) Your profile should also contain at least one picture of you with at least two members of the opposite sex who are attractive. women are attracted to men who are the focal point of beautiful women’s attention. include a multitude of different types of people in your photographs to convey popularity. There are many other pictures that you can include in this! 2. Consider the other people in the photograph accessories to you. These types of pictures often should be included as accessory pictures in your profile – as in you should not.
The more pictures you include that have attractive women around you. Remember – you are a rock star. This is an excellent psychological tool that you can utilize to increase your perceived value. As long as you are clearly the focal point in these pictures. You can get any woman you desire . I was an immediate hit with the girls in the class and they all seemed to want to get to know me better! I didn’t even say a word and I was already a chick-magnet. the better your chances at increasing perceived value. you are center-aligned. She. If you love playing the guitar.) Include a picture with you doing something you love. being the loud-mouth that she is. announced this fact to all my classmates. Utilize this psychological tool wisely. 3. Studies have shown that women have an increased affinity towards men who are passionate about what they do.convey this! I recall once being at a university class filled with beautiful women. and the photograph is clear. realized that I had started a relationship with a very attractive young lady and I had posted my “in a relationship” status on Facebook. My friend. these pictures often weed you out of the regular drabness.70 friends – people won’t even know. You should include some pictures of you doing something you love. You must have some hobbies. include a picture of you playing the guitar 70 . don’t you? It doesn’t matter what they are. The girls in my class surrounded my computer and I showed them pictures of her and showed them how attractive she was. who was an attractive classmate. Don’t worry about looking like a pimp or player! These pictures often make amazing main profile pictures.
always remember to smile! You are a happy person. usually. you should include one picture of this in your profile. obviously! Do you have a picture of yourself at a toga party with a bunch of friends? Or one of you doing a funny pose at a party? Show it! Doing this conveys several important aspects of yourself – for one. Read the sections about lighting. always. the most attractive poses are ones where the body is faced 45 degrees towards the camera with the head slightly turned towards the camera. etc. playing football. what is.. Typically. swimming. Show that there is more to your life than just work and play! 4. these pictures are the most important ones in terms of clothing and body language – always. according to most photographers. If you go into a profile. However. you are secure with how you look. You get laid whenever you want! 5. Remember. you should always include a face shot and a ¾ shot (body photograph). These pictures generally make up the bulk of the regular profile. clothing. Ethically. That is not to say you shouldn’t include these – they are very important.) Include a funny picture! A picture that’s universally funny… no insider jokes here. the first type of photograph you click on to expand? Usually it will be an attractive picture of just the person in the picture. and body language. There are no secrets to these pictures.) Be careful when including pictures of just you.71 and having a great time! If you love camping. People who are generally insecure about how they physically 71 . remember that pictures should always look natural.
then do so in a way that the photo does not seem tampered with. you will look short. Although they may somewhat enhance their photos. And second.72 look would never. If you need to remove red-eye. if done properly. Using Photoshop or Other Photo Editing Software to Enhance Your Picture This can typically be quite annoying for viewers. slightly increase the contrast of photograph to make your skin seem clearer. tall means good! 72 . ever even think about doing this. Remember in binary theory. it obviously portrays that humorous. Tampering with photographs is a sure sign of insecurity and generally. Photoshop enhancement can attract much more attention to your profile if done in a very subtle way. Another tip is to use the cropping to your advantage. they are simply just creating an image of themselves that they cannot live up to. Many people edit their pictures beyond recognition. If you have a photograph with a huge amount of space in between your head and the top of the photo. With that being said. Whether or not you are actually short. make sure you crop the photograph so that there is little to no space between the top of the photograph and your head. quality members of the opposite sex will deem this very unattractive.
Keep Your Profile Dynamic! I cannot stress how important changing your profile picture on a regular basis is. keeping your profile active makes visitors who have visited your profile a reason to visit it again. Remember to get these photographs right! They are the most “real” expressions of yourself when it comes to your profile. I go into more depth on how to do this in my audio course. If you keep you profile the same for extended periods of time. the clone stamper and the healing brush that removes unwanted blemishes. They work for you when you are not there. you will lose this traffic. Likewise. It makes or breaks your chance of receiving random tells and highly increases the chances of receiving a message back if you approach someone online.73 There are several other techniques you can do in Photoshop that subtly increases your level of attractiveness without taking away from the “real” you. There are two tools in Photoshop. Put some effort into this! You can easily spend a week going out with friends. Profiles of beautiful girls literally are self-sustaining – there are many attractive female users on dating sites that literally receive 10-20 messages a day or more based on their pictures. This can result in a significant loss over the long term. compiling several photographs that would be eligible to put on your profile. information is updated constantly to inform users on its activity. Just a few days of effort could actually increase your number of partners exponentially over the course of the next year 73 . Just like any popular website. You can do this quite easily.
there is absolutely no way they will consider responding. Remember to keep this in mind. they will undoubtedly look at your profile at some point. Some attractive women I have interviewed over the past few years have said that when men message them. they don’t even bother reading the messages first… they go straight to their profile to see if they have attractive pictures posted! And they say if a guy looks like a creep.74 or more! Remember that having a good picture is not just for receiving random messages from women. When you look at your profile after you have established a foundation of good pictures. ask yourself if you think your profile looks creepy. When you are messaging others. 74 .
It is vitally important that you know what body type a woman needs in order to turn you on. First.75 C hapter Nine | Judging Photographs This is a topic that is widely ignored and has a profound impact on your dating experience... guys. Judging photographs is not only a skill. but it will save you hours upon hours of disappointment when meeting your dates for the first time.Ass size?! It is important to know what generally makes you tick as a man in order to properly assess a girl’s photographs. The rules for both men and women apply differently here. Let’s face it. You deserve what you want! 75 . We’re in this to find women that we are genuinely attracted to – we’re not settling for less. Know What You Want! Are you into thinner girls or girls with a bit more flesh on them? Are you into older looking women or younger looking girls? Do you care about hair color? Skin tones? Eye color? Breast size? .
1. 76 . those women take it a step further sometimes! Bear in mind that many of the photographs you will encounter when searching female profiles are their very best ever. Arm size is also another great indicator of body fat.) First and foremost. Simply a word of warning. most of the time. Everyone is far too critical of their own photographs. 2. Typically women who often show headshot photographs are insecure about their body. but just a word a warning anyways! It’s not fair for me to put much significance on this – typically woman that I have met online do resemble their photographs quite well. they are not. Not that this should sway you entirely.) Be wary of women who only show all headshots. Sometimes these insecurities are unjustified. However.76 Photograph Breakdown and Assessment Here are some ways to properly unearth certain truths about women and their pictures. However. women will almost always put their very best pictures of themselves up (or what they perceive are the best). Cheeks are also a very good indicator of body fat. This applies to photographs are extreme close-ups of their subjects. look for rolls of fat near the chin. If a female’s profile has headshots only. but more times than not some of their personalities more than make up for it. Also look for shoulder width – typically wider shoulders indicate a more athletic frame. unfortunately.
most females out there have absolutely no clue how to properly tamper with their photographs and thus. this all does sound very demeaning. Don’t be fooled.) Look for any tampering done to the photograph. This effectively creates a halo effect around skin tones and makes a photograph appear dream-like. most female users will indicate that they are “athletic” which may encompass a wide variety of potential body types – just so you know! Women may also choose to leave this category blank. Most popular dating sites will give the option of having the user indicate their body type in their profile. They aren’t as perfect as they seem. These photograph effects do tend to make females much better – particularly the face. but some men out there need to know! 3.. However. Like the previous effect.77 Yes. intelligent males such as you will quickly unearth these girls! The most popular way to tamper with a photograph is to increase its contrast and brightness – this photographic effect will leave the image extremely “bright”. Another popular effect that is often used is the “soften edges” effect.so bright that many of the facial features of a female will appear smooth and perfected.) Look for the body type category. the “soften edges” effect removes 77 .. This is a potential sign that they might be hiding something that isn’t pleasant to the common eye! 4. This is a particular skill that may need some developing for certain individuals.
) For those females that like to take full body pictures only. that is.. probably most likely have no idea how to edit photographs to clearly portray their face.. 7. 6. given these facts.. Give them a chance. resulting in much clearer looking skin. to be completely frank with you.) Check if they’re trying to photograph themselves. They are fuzzy and the lighting is rarely favourable.) Be wary of unclear. chances are they are a 78 .but is of their pet. You might be surprised! However.so full that you can barely see their faces. fuzzy photographs. will use such effects to enhance their photographs.. it is again vital to say that photographs are not the final arbiter. Typically younger females will try and photograph their faces by pointing their camera at their face by themselves.) And finally. Many attractive women (who are indeed even more insecure than their uglier counterparts). inaccurate pictures. car. Webcam photographs are probably the most notorious for taking horrible. Most of these girls will go through a plethora of shots before they find the right lighting! 8.78 imperfections. Rarely are these women insecure about their facial appearance – they just lack the simple editing skills. 5. They might be a monstrosity or they might not. etc. don’t be fooled! However. Again. if their photograph is not of themselves.
Quick Tip Don’t take these tips to heart. There is no use pursuing someone who you feel is not physically attractive at all.) Look for age dispersal. it’s important to know roughly what you are attracted to..79 monstrosity. Check to see how old they look in each photograph. Some women do this intentionally.. In fact. put photographs that don’t flatter them whatsoever to weed out the shallow men. They only serve as an extremely rough guideline to properly assess physical attributes. I have had very attractive women approach me with one of these pictures and they turned out to be gorgeous. If there is a large disparity in age between each photograph. on purpose. I have interviewed many women who. I do highly recommend against this. however. 9. 79 . it does seem to work for them! Again. be suspicious! Large disparities in age may imply they are being really picky with what pictures they’re putting up – meaning that now their current arsenal of pictures is the greatest. Have I ever assessed a female’s photograph incorrectly? Absolutely.
or worse. too insecure with how they physically look! 80 . People who say they are unable provide pictures are either too lazy.80 I would strongly recommend against meeting up with a female you have never seen. It is most definitely not hard these days to get a picture of yourself online. If she doesn’t have a picture in her profile picture. request a picture. too stupid.
HopelessRomantic. These are the type of people that give online dating negative stigma! Users with names such as this portray that they are not happy with life (whether it be true or not does not matter). You essentially want to make people feel good when they look at your name and associate good thoughts with it in conjunction with your main 81 . LonelyAndNeedingLove). but it’s good to know the following information and use it. What all these names convey is that you are a person of low social value.g.81 C hapter Ten | Choosing an Attractive Username Stay Positive! The username is obviously really not that important. and quality singles are incredibly turned off by this.you are trying to create the impression that you are a confident. ImConfused. social. and passionate individual that is not obviously trying to convey these characteristics. fun. You must convey positivity in all aspects of your profile including your username! Try not to allude to something else like a movie or song. Remember . The secret to a great username is to not make a bad one! You will soon realize what I mean by this. In other words. Looking4TheOne. Names should exhibit happiness and force potential singles to view you in a positive light. it’s best to choose something completely different to avoid confusion. make it seem like you are a person of high survival and replication value without saying it. A lot of online dating users use depressing usernames (e. IWantLove.
for the username. “IHateParisHilton”). The username is something that primarily displays what one is essentially about. Leave anything negative out. “IHateAlaskans” – not only do you offend people. always remember to have a positive attitude in mind. Remember to just use your common sense when you are coming up with these names. For example. No one wants to go out with someone who will just bring them down to the level they’re in. However. how well you 82 . There is no point in choosing the username.82 profile picture. if you are ridiculing someone who is a celebrity. for example. Exhibit the positive in yourself. there are exceptions to this rule which can be used to convey humor to your audience. leave it out. Leave all negativity out! However. done correctly. you could create a very funny username (e. you look silly and ignorant. This is generally a turn off unless you are specifically targeting people who are looking for an intimate encounter… which is generally just ugly girls. Be Careful Not To Offend Anyone Now are you starting to see what I mean by “the secret to a great username is to not make a bad one. When thinking about sprucing up anything in your profile. not hatred! Try to avoid extreme sexual connotations as well.g.” This goes without saying. Anything that references the size of your manhood.
“However. your target will know if you truly live up to these claims. if you play your cards correctly.83 perform in the sack is generally unacceptable! In due time. it makes your name also much harder to remember and makes your image much more ambiguous. it also makes you look seem easy. its perceived value is dropped dramatically. Men and especially woman love a good challenge – if something is easily and readily accessible. it should be avoided at all costs if possible. If everyone drove a Ferrari. There are many users who use their birth year or birth date in their username. or your interests. If you are having a hard time coming up with an effective username because they’re all taken and you want to add a number. try and adding another noun or adjective instead! Length of your name is generally not an issue if it’s memorable! 83 . Psychologically. no one would care about Ferraris. although there is nothing inherently wrong with this. Not only does display that you have nearly no class whatsoever. You want to create a vivid idea to your users about what you are about. You indeed still want to stand out even if it is just a name – doing something everyone else is doing is not going to achieve this effect. to quickly summarize this point. Giving your username a number makes your profile a little more generic. just use your common sense!” Avoid Using Numbers in Your Username This is self-explanatory.
try and come up with something that rings through as unique. 2. You should try and be original! Although James Bond might be a great character that exudes all the qualities of a confident and sexy man. Then. hopefully. come up with something else to go along with it! An example would be… If you think you are a “daring” person.com and plug it in the thesaurus section to come up with some synonyms for it. Make sure to not make it cheesy and name yourself JamesBond007.) Use adjectives that are unique! I don’t think I have stressed this enough. you might want to come up with a word 84 . comic book. or movie… as long as it is consistent with positivity. This is common sense but some people out there… So…What Should Your Username Generally Consist Of? 1. conveys great personality traits. Get your friend to help you. Go to dictionary. Look up adjectives that seem to summarize who you are.) You can use the name of a character from a television show.84 You should also keep in mind not to put numbers that signify anything too personal like your home address or credit card number. Use the name of your favorite character that.
though. and that will have permanent meaning to you! 3. the intelligent use of this image can attract a lot of positive attention. if you play the guitar.” These words like it or not. the possibilities are really endless. You can have a lot of fun with this but make sure you get something you are truly happy with. do attract a lot of attention. Look up that word in the thesaurus and you might come up with the word “audacious. This is definitely not for everyone. you could adopt the as something funny like “AudaciouslySexyAdam. it is no surprise that so many ad campaigns use sex so much to grab the attention of its market.85 that is unique to that meaning. everyone wants a sexy or hot single to mingle with – who doesn’t! The word sexy captures so much attention. you could adopt the name “SexyPicasso. Done in a classy way. but you get the picture. 4.” So.” As you can see. There is a big difference between the names “SexyPicasso” and “SexyWhore.) You can use the words “sexy” or “hotty” but remember to keep it unique to you and classy. If you love to paint and you dig Picasso. 85 . but almost seems confident. if you wanted to be unique. And obviously. For example.” Don’t use these names. Its use has been so widespread that it doesn’t seem insecure.) Name yourself after something that you find some passion in. you could name yourself something along the lines of “GuitarHeroMaster” or something funny in reference to the popular videogame. Guitar Hero.
In fact.) Lastly. Don’t get too worked up on coming up with a masterpiece. Indirectly make a large claim about yourself… and make it funny! For example. It never hurts to get a second opinion on the matter. It doesn’t matter how good looking she is – if she doesn’t put the time and effort to spell check your dating profile she either doesn’t care or simply lacks the intelligence that I require for a relationship. Although maximizing every single aspect of 86 . 6. after you have come up with your username.) No matter what your username is. A lot of dating sites will allow you to change your name.86 5. one of my personal favorite names to use online was “LoveGuru” – and my headline was… I Know Exactly What You Women Want. 7. be sure to check over your spelling! Intentional spelling errors can be confusing for plain stupidity.) There’s absolutely nothing stopping you from keeping your profile name mysterious. sit back and look at it. For myself. I say this pointer is a must! How can you effectively create mystery in your profile name. I spelling and grammar are some of the first things I look for when I’m assessing the intelligence of a woman. Does it seem attractive? Is it offensive or rude? Is it too sexy? Is it unique? Would you. if you were a member browsing other profiles. want to click on your name because of it? Does it contain spelling errors? Is it too cheesy? Get a friend to check it over. anyways. you ask? Simple.
88 Dear Danny. try asking some of your friends what qualities they think you have. Don’t concern yourself with your username that much. Do you have a favorite character from a movie/novel/comic book (that isn’t cheesy)? DeliciousDanny. And my username shall remain a secret! However. The possibilities here are theoretically endless. Have some fun with it but keep it in line with the rules! Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game 88 . DannyTheDude…if you want to play off your own name. if you do desperately need to think of a username.
For example… If you are mail. Make the user compelled to click on your profile and answer you! Be careful not to make it cheesy or demeaning. A good profile picture can seriously generate some traffic to your profile.) Ask an open ended question. your headline is the butter. “Why do girls always go to the washroom together? Girls are nuts!”…”Are you going to stalk me? Then you better look like Megan Fox!”…”Do you honestly think you’re good enough for me? I hope so!” 89 . some great lines are.89 C hapter Eleven | Your Headline If your main profile picture is the bread. but a great headline can seriously push your picture over that limit substantially! Remember all the rules that you’ve learned about when creating your username. 1.
) Do not use plain language! If you want to stand out. Remember to refrain from any negativity in your headline! Refer to “Stay Positive” in the Username section of this book. asking an open ended question is probably your quick fix. Chin up! 3.90 Quick Tip If you are stuck with making a good headline. If you’re lucky. there is a ton of humor and wittiness you can add. Remember to ask a question that appeal to the opposite sex. maybe potential singles looking at your profile will answer your question! Be creative with this. Use your common sense here. avoid all negativity.) Again. Nobody wants to be with someone who is depressed and down on life all the time. 90 . 2. be descriptive. You can turn any sentence into a work of art that just screams for positive attention. This is probably one of the most important aspects of making your online profile heading.
If you want to convey that you are humorous. if you want to convey that you are humorous. many people might simply state it: “People think I am funny. Do you believe him/her? Perhaps. It’s also extremely boring. Picture two people. However. You must use your own discretion.91 For example. Use it often but use it only in the appropriate places. This applicable to every aspect of how you communicate online. you could say. The use of exclamation marks automatically makes the heading more exciting. “Congratulations! You have reached the profile of the sexiest man alive!” I’m sure you can agree that this headline is much more exciting than the previous. instead of simply saying you are funny. Showing that you are funny instead of simply stating it is much more profound. one of them says they’re extremely wealthy. Showing that you are a certain quality is much more powerful than simply saying you have it. the overuse of exclamation marks throughout your profile may ruin its effect. If the example heading said. “Congratulations. but it again you are telling people you are funny instead of showing it.however it does not evoke as much emotion as the previous. You can instantly create emotion by using an exclamation mark. What makes this headline different than all the others? a. You have reached the profile of the sexiest man alive.” What’s wrong with this? It’s positive. Now picture the 91 .” it may still be funny . b.
It never hurts to exaggerate a little if it is obvious it’s an exaggeration. Be descriptive. the example headline. I could have used the phrase “Congratulations! You have reached the profile of a sexy man!” but the word “sexiest” in the place of “sexy” conveys much more confidence in a humorous way. For example.) For the love of God. Show people that you’re not boring – because you aren’t! d. studies show that one of the biggest turn-offs for men and women is cheesy pickup lines. draped in Versace with 60 thousand dollar Omega watch. What this conveys is an extreme lack of creativity. don’t be cheesy! Leave the clichés for somebody else. It doesn’t take a tremendous amount of brain power to create something that has a little bit more to make people smile – and that’s what your goal should be! 4.92 other person driving up to you in a Lamborghini.” However. Don’t fall into this 92 . Paint your headline with adjectives makes it stand out in a positive way. Be original! In fact. Which is a more effective means of portraying wealth? Don’t make this error that nearly almost every guys does and you’ll be on your way! c. “Congratulations! You have reached the profile of the sexiest man alive!” conveys humor by actually performing humor. Be clever. These headlines do not stick out and they’re just plain old lame. It doesn’t take an ounce of thought to simply state “People think I am funny.
5.) Keep your audience in mind. If you are targeting women in their 20s, I’m sure a philosophical quote on life would be of any effect to them. However, if you are targeting women in their 50s, this would be a logical thing to do. Remember – try to think of what your target is – are you trying to get someone young and hip? If so, try and state a headline that appeals to young women. More examples will be stated in the following sections.
6.) Capital letters – don’t fully capitalize your headline but you are allowed to use it sparingly. As much as some people would love to think, using all capital letters does not drive people to click on your profile. What it does is annoy people. Using caps lock should only be used when you are yelling somebody over the internet – and you’re pissed! Generally, all capital letter headlines just scream for negative attention – people will believe the person is immature or trying very hard to get people’s attention. However, I do strongly recommend using capital letters sparingly!
Let’s use our model headline as an example in this case. You could most definitely use capital letters to spruce it up to grab some extra attention.
“CONGRATULATIONS! You have reached the profile of the sexiest man alive!”
“Congratulations! You have reached the profile of the SEXIEST man alive!”
This is a very simple but effective way of gaining a little bit more attention to your headline! Again, it is vital that you use this tactic sparingly!
7.) Try using a quote once in awhile in your headline. A lot of many online dating gurus as I have encountered like to occasionally put quotes in their headlines from movies or books. You really have to be picky here; you don’t want to sound too philosophical or cheesy when you do this. The best quotes that I find works best are ones that are again, humorous.
I do occasionally like to enter funny quotes from movies into my profile headlines. If you have ever seen the movie Zoolander (which is actually one of my favorite movies of all time), you will very well know the quote which the main protagonist of the story, Derek Zoolander says, “I’m really, really, really, ridiculously goodlooking!”
Be sure to include quotations! This way you avoid any confusion.
8.) Remember that you should always check your spelling and grammar. This is more of a measure than tip. You must do this with whatever headline you decide on. Type it in a word processor like Microsoft Word and correct any spelling errors of grammatical errors of any kind. A lot of singles - and I mean a lot of them – will simply discard you instantly if you have any errors of any type. Show people that you care and go that extra mile. Under no circumstance should there be any errors.
You Have To Be Cocky… But Not TOO Cocky…
Create a situation where you are judging her and not the other way around. Men and women who are not successful at dating usually are seeking approval all the time – stop this. You should be the one that’s setting the standard – you are the one on top, not anyone else. I personally find the most successful headlines are the ones where you are qualifying your potential singles:
“Cool people only, please!”
Often the top pickup gurus will say “you can never be too confident.” However, online – it’s different. You have to be very careful with how you word things. There is a limit to the whole “cocky” thing when you are talking online. In real life, you are able to add all
the expression and body language you want to make anything you say seem playful. However, on the internet, you have no such luxury! Keep this in mind.
What do I mean by this? You may think this would go against all logic. however. You need to always to maintain a positive frame. their hobbies. By saying that you’ve had bad experiences with previous lovers will only make you look like the average chump so avoid this at all costs. What most people usually do in their profile content is describe their current situation.97 C hapter Twelve | Your Profile Content Take Everything You Have Learned Into This Segment! It is important to remember that you must convey that you are the selector. always be dating other quality singles. Again. this clearly shows a lack of confidence – it even shows the lack of the ability to obtain someone good. High quality singles with high survival and replication value will always. Again. the more attractive your profile will seem. in your online profile. and maybe a line on why they are dating online. This is not to say that you shouldn’t describe these things. There are just way too many depressed singles that have described their past relationships as “disasters” and are desperately looking for a “nice guy” or a “nice girl” who won’t break their hearts. 97 . Make them happy. their jobs. You have to make people interested in your profile so don’t bring them down to a negative level. you do want to hold your frame that I have described in previous sections. the key lies in your disqualifiers. but the more you show that you are a picky asshole.
You should always watch your spelling and grammar even through instant messaging and e-mails! This is what this section is not going to do. Don’t fall victim of this! While you are creating your profile content. This is something that will be an immediate disqualifier and a red flag for many high quality singles. I believe everyone needs to have a sense of individuality here. 98 . use a popular word processor such as Microsoft Word or iWork Pages (if you are a Mac user) to edit and check over your work. and it would be slightly embarrassing for you and me if we all put the exact same profile on the same dating website and the same girl saw it! We’re all our own people so let’s be proud of it and show it off. Although many of the tactics and strategies I employ may seem to exaggerate your situation or make you seem like somebody you’re not (which is again. Lying about your marriage or your physical looks will only lead to complications in the future. You need to be honest about your interests. You need to be honest about how you look.). This section will not tell you exactly what you should put in your profile but will outline it generally. Honesty Is Indeed The Best Policy …or at least one of them. you should never lie about anything important. I say completely untrue.98 Always check your grammar and spelling. This is a very simple step that will only take a few moments but will drastically increase your value online.
Like I said. “HEY! YOU’VE MADE A SPECTACULAR CHOICE BY CLICKING ON MY PROFILE! .. Give your profile the respective boost in emotion it deserves... However. There will some examples near the end of this chapter! 99 . Using all-caps does have some other negative connotations attached to it. however. the rule about exclamation marks also applies here. “Hey! You’ve made a spectacular choice by clicking on my profile! . you are allowed to use capital letters sparingly throughout your profile to spruce it up. It should definitely not be as extravagant as your headline.99 The Language You Should Use Also keep in mind to not use drab. you should be using adjectives effectively describe whatever that is you are describing! Remember to never use all caps unless you are trying to portray the significance of something for the sake of positive humour. take for example the following line. it does emulate yelling. you should most definitely capture your audience immediately. again..)” Or.)” Although the latter may be much more eye-catching. plain language. Usually the most captivating sentences are ones that paint an extremely vivid picture of a person. Again.
I’m scared of girls like that. 100 . “If you’re a girl that is taller than Shaquille O’Neal. To better explain what a disqualifier is. But more importantly. here is an example. you are stating that you are being the selector. You are the one setting the standard and people are trying to meet it. then don’t bother messaging me. it is obvious is that you do not like extremely tall girls. What Should You Talk About In Your Profile? Add Disqualifiers! Remember that the key of making an attractive is to add disqualifiers. Do not worry about sounding like an asshole.” What does this message convey? First of all. Your profile should be riddled with several of these clever and witty disqualifiers.100 So.
101 . but of course. How can women be attracted to assholes? However. you are not always guaranteed this outcome. Why do you think gambling is the most addictive hobby in the United States? “There are psychological tools that you can employ that use this mind set. this statement has many underlying facts. you directly at risk at facing one of these two possibilities. Women are not attracted to men that treat them poorly (although that may be something that happens quite a bit in our society). You yearn to find consistency to constantly win.101 Quick Tip At this point you might be questioning these methods.” Gambling is addictive because you are faced with a reward (winning money given investment) and punishment (losing money). It is this uncertainty that is ultimately the attractor here. they are attracted to men that are hard to obtain. Every time you play.
“I’m totally into girls that have a brain.. you can create an incredible amount of attraction. simply state what you are into and be very specific. So for example. any description on being an asshole in my book does not simply translate to “be a bad person” – you are simply trying to create an unpredictable environment to cause the maximum amount of attraction. Instead of saying what you don’t want. you wouldn’t say “If you’re Alaskan. By being a person who is inconsistent and unpredictable in terms of neediness.102 You can use this dynamic tool as a device for attraction. Try to keep it clean and fun – obviously if you aren’t into Alaskans.. Your profile should contain several of these disqualifiers.. you could say. A direct disqualifier is basically a standard set in plain language.. Please don’t message me!” They should be funny and serve as that subliminal but confident message. There are many different types of disqualifiers that you can use to create attraction. Another type of disqualifier is the positive disqualifier. it’s already over between us. The above is an example of a direct disqualifier.that can function!” 102 . Therefore. You should have a good idea of what you’re into exactly – or at least convey it.
From these examples, you can clearly see where this is headed. You generally need to convey that you know exactly what you want in a woman and you are determined to find her.
What Else Should You Put In Your Profile?
A huge mistake a lot of singles make is give away too much information about themselves to start with. Mystery and intrigue is one of the biggest parts of making your profile. Just like with attraction, revealing too much is not attractive whatsoever; what’s the point of wanting to know something if you know it all already?
I want you to picture and extremely hot looking chick. Now, picture her in first, a very long skirt. She looks good, doesn’t she? Now picture her with a very, very short and revealing skirt that shows off her amazingly gorgeous legs. Which are you more attracted to? You need to be as stimulating as you need to be to provoke a reaction from your potential mates. You cannot reveal too much or too little otherwise it’s simply over. Only list a few of your prime interests. Let’s find an example of a well written personal ad!
Keep an eye out for key examples! I will now begin to integrate key routines that you should mimic in your profiles and e-mails.
It’s about time you clicked on this awesome guy! Thanks!. ;)
Travelling is a huge part of my job. I absolutely LOVE to travel (I’m not sure if I stressed that part enough)! I’ve been to many gorgeous, spectacular places that you would totally love to hear about. Monaco is by far the best place in the world – I’ve been there several times and I can’t get enough of it there!
I’m also a passionate musician and I’ve played guitar for many, many years... I love teaching guitar and playing for audiences. I honestly think there’s something definitely special in doing that.
I’ve been with some of the most AMAZING girls in my life and I am glad to have met them all...and I’m definitely looking forward to meeting some more great women.
I am looking for a girl that has as much humour and confidence as I do! Please, if
you resemble a Chihuahua or something, it probably wouldn’t work out for us... I adore chatting with girls about love and life and I have a soft spot for girls that are not only gorgeous but have the intelligence to at least carry a fun conversation.
I do understand that I am picky, but I figure – why not? I think I totally deserve someone great, don’t you? =) E-mail me. Let’s talk.”
So what makes this profile so great?
1.) This profile is well-written. There are no spelling or grammar errors present. The profile has been through a word processor and checked over by a friend to ensure it is correct and concise.
2.) The profile doesn’t overly use caps lock, but when it does, it does it scarcely to only highlight things for emotional effect.
3.) Exclamation marks are properly used. Another reason why this profile is so interesting to read is due to the use of exclamation marks. Spice up your profile a little bit!
4.) This profile doesn’t describe past, horrible relationships. This person doesn’t whine about past relationships – in fact, this man has said that he’s been with many amazing women. This shows an incredible amount of high confidence and survival and replication value.
5.) The profile doesn’t give away too much information. Although he says he loves to travel, which is a wonderful hobby to have, he does not say specifically where he has been in his life. However, he does describe them to be gorgeous places. This person is keeping the mystery and intrigue alive! If there is one thing mistake that people often dismiss, is that they give away too much useful, juicy information. Keep it to yourself. Give them a glimpse of some juiciness then hold back! Let them want to know things about you.
6.) This person knows how to have a good time! Or so it seems. In short, this person is staying positive. Not once in this write-up did he say anything negative about his life. In fact, he it seems like he’s having a blast! He also takes pride in the details. Notice his descriptions are memorable. In fact, you can even add more descriptions if you’d like.
7.) This profile uses both types of disqualifiers. “…Please, if you resemble a Chihuahua or something, it might not work for us…” This is one of the things that stick out the most in this profile. This is a disqualifier that is used to weed out the losers and create attraction for quality men and woman. No one with high survival
Remember. nobody on this earth cares. You should be using both regular disqualifiers and positive disqualifiers in your profile regularly. but does that seem like something someone would want to you message you for? Keep your profile concise.) This profile is neither too long nor too short! Don’t bore your audience with a lifelong story about how you grew up and all the different names of your thirteen brothers and sisters. First of all. if you resemble a Chihuahua or something. Remember to add some of this wittiness in your own profile.” is an example of a positive disqualifier. I absolutely LOVE to travel (I’m not sure if I stressed that part enough)!” and “Please. you are giving away too much information.107 and replication value will think they are boring and they will prove it to you. Add bits that will surely spice it up but then stop. too! 9. it might not work out for us” are both examples of humor. “Travelling is a huge part of my job. Now they are chasing you! “I adore chatting with girls about love and life and I have a soft spot for girls that are not only gorgeous but have the intelligence to at least carry a fun conversation.) This profile regularly uses some humor to spice up the read.” Instead. this person hasn’t directly said “I have a sense of humour. 8. this person is showing it through some examples. They might later on. Second of all. 107 .
) This person is portraying confidence and the ability to lead. 108 . the user is conveying leadership given this particular situation. but confidently. what does “taking the lead” mean? As you have read at the end of the last key example. don’t you? =) E-mail me. the user takes the lead by not asking for a message. women are attracted to men who aren’t wussies and take the lead. It shows he knows exactly what to do and how to do – it shows ambition and a strong grip on life! Where else can you convey this? Always take the lead in every situation. Quick Tip So. In this respect.108 10. Let’s talk. but I figure – why not? I think I totally deserve someone great. A common blunder many men do is show a lack of leadership when asked a question.” This person is clearly taking command here! Again. but almost demands it – not rudely. Here’s the key – read the end: “I do understand that I am picky.
This is one of the worst mistakes you could possibly make as a man.109 Let’s look at another example. What do you want to do? Sound familiar? I bet it does. Never try and seem like you are trying to please her. Always plan ahead. what do you want to do on our first date? Guy: Um. 109 . It’s going to be fun! See the difference here? Let’s at some more common examples! Girl: Hey. what do you want to do on our first date? Guy: We’re going to go to this great coffee shop near my place that serves the greatest coffee. A woman will automatically detect insecurity and a lack of confidence. I’m not sure. Girl: So. Girl: So. I don’t know… Successful Guy: I’m having the fettuccini alfredo with chicken and a side of Caesar salad. This is how our little make-believe conversation should be done. what are you going to order? Loser Guy: Um.
What should I do?! Loser Guy: Oh. the practice you get at this. This type of personality sometimes does not come naturally. However. Are you going to sound like the Loser Guy or the Successful Guy? It’s up to you. God…Let me think…I’m not sure… Successful Guy: Let’s go to the store and just buy one. I think you get the picture by now. Girl: Oh.110 No onions. the more confident you will be and trust me when I say it makes a huge difference when it comes to attracting beautiful women. no! I totally ruined my mom’s birthday cake. 110 .
wait to get started soon! in our profiles. but could you generally give me the formula of exactly what to write in your “about me”/profile content page? has a section on what I would do on our first date.111 Fan Question Dear Derek. BC ____________________________ Dear Mark! I’m glad you have been enjoying the read. I just bought your book and read it through once. you think would be the most appropriate thing to put here? What do And this online dating site that I have signed up for that I know you encourage individuality I can’t Mark ******* Vancouver. The profile content page is a way to express 111 .
Talk about music! Talk about your love for painting. It’s a waste of space. mention the interesting thing in your life! Talk about your passions and what you love doing – describe it in exquisite and poetic detail (but do not make it cheesy). I myself and frustrated with lengthy write-ups that just bore me to death. if I had to sum it up in an imaginary timeline. Do not talk about your family or where you grew up. You should always add the disqualifiers in your profile and keep a fair bit of mystery. There are so many interesting things to show the world.112 who you are – briefly. Just look at some profiles you see on the internet – what bores you to death? What makes you want to leave it? It’s virtually the same as everybody! This is a pointer that you definitely need to take to heart. Please refer back to the key example. The keys here are portraying humor and confidence through writing. even. So. I immediately click “back” on my browser and move on as fast as I can to the next possible single that I find interesting in my search results. 112 .) Opening humorous line that portrays confidence. there is absolutely no need to describe yourself here. If you have great pictures. Briefly tell them what you do for a living but try not to say too much on the topic – people don’t want to hear about work or anything that reminds them of it. it would look something like this! 1. That means.
try and keep it close to 113 .) Close With Confidence. perhaps? A walk through a popular shopping mall? No matter what it is. Coffee at a nice coffee shop.113 2. Add some more humor to it as well! If I could summarize the profile “about me”/interests section that would have been it. 3. This is where the attraction begins. 4.” You get the picture here. Now. Throw in a brief mention of your career. put a positive spin on it… “…it will be fun!” “…can’t wait!” “…this date would totally be a great way to get to know each other!” “…this is far from my dream date.) Interests (hobbies) described with passion. Add some humor in this as well. just keep it real! Don’t go off describing a dream date – that’s just psychotic. As for any other section in online dating.) Disqualifiers. for the websites that ask what you would do on your first date (which many of them do).) Positive Disqualifiers. Keep it simple and down to earth. More attraction is being built… 5. but for a first date – it’s perfect.
Don’t deviate too far as this is proven to work! Good luck with your online dating adventures! Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game P. Don’t waste too much time – get online and start hitting up some great singles! 114 .S.114 the winning formula.
your previous efforts to optimize your profile is not in vain – females will still check out your profile after you have contacted them and judge you further. The great thing about approaching women online is that there is nearly no approach anxiety at all! I can safely contact several women a day without breaking a sweat – throw me in a club. you will be armed with psychological tools that are proven to 115 . Their photographs will be horrible. their profiles will be abysmal.115 C hapter Thirteen | Establishing Contact with Other Potential Singles Chances Are. most of these men are average chumps that have no clue what they’re doing. Fortunately. This is by far the most important aspect of your online dating experience and can literally make or break your chances at obtaining love at all. their approach will lack integrity. You Are Going to Have to Take The Initiative Congratulations! You have now maximized your chances of receiving random tells from other users. and you bet your bottom dollar that there will be at least some butterflies before I approach a really hot girl! Hot girls online will receive an incredible amount of messages per day. However. unfortunately for a man. However. for you. the bulk of your dating will come from you approaching other females online. Fortunately. and most importantly.
she will be getting several messages a day). You will get more numbers than you ever would online! Important Note: The following is a guide to picking up attractive women on dating sites. If you successfully and effectively convey this. she will be the one that is chasing you. The pickup method on social-networking profiles will be introduced later in the book. and confident individual. However. you should read through this section as both methods are incredibly similar. You don’t want to scare your target away by showing you that you’ve already dedicated too much time to her. The Basic Goal of The First Message Your goal for the ice-breaker is to not pose as a threat. You should be distinguished compared to all the other messages that she receives (because if she is of any quality. You should convey that you are above her on the survival and replication list. As rule of thumb. I would say that your first interaction with her should be two paragraphs maximum. Long first messages convey much too much interest.) Keep it short.116 increase response rates. funny. The Seven Main Rules of a First Message 1. regardless. You will come across as a unique. Most of the time if your message is well- 116 .
) I sound like a broken record. but watch your grammar and spelling! 5.) You must give her a hoop to jump through. you can get away with even less.) Always read their profile to pick up some information. create attraction by criticizing her – playfully! There will many examples of this later in this chapter. Read the damn profile! If you see something interesting. Put a little effort to personalize your first message. Remember. right from the get go. though. 6. 3. You must immediately. Make it unique to the person you are talking to so you appear to be a copy and paste dater. My first messages are typically one paragraph – five to seven sentences.) DON’T MENTION SEX. Every message you send must always have a subject. Again. 4. Many high-value females immediately delete messages that do not appeal to them right away due to the sheer mass of messages they get a day.117 structured.) Always playfully make fun of her in the subject of your message. 2. there will many examples later on in this chapter. Completely reverse the typical role of the male to female interaction. your first message 117 . Make her prove to you that she is worthy. pull it apart and make fun of her somehow – or simply relate it to something you’ve experienced.
I am referring to sexual threat. less desirable men and women hoping to be their potential lovers. In fact. they are just as simple to perform. You should not be posing to be her potential lover just yet. Expressing interest right away means that your target already has the upper hand. but once it does. The ice-breaker first message is usually the hardest one to get through to succeed. they will be receiving comments left and right from these weaker. Do not convey this at all. This is a problem that far too many people (especially men) have. These are very simple concepts – and better yet. I don’t mean threatening in a physically hurtful way.) Always appear non-threatening! No. If the target is of any social value. it’s usually smooth sailing. Let’s look at some great general routines for first messages! 118 . refrain from making nice comments about the target.118 has to be brief! 7.
nasty dudes that are freshly divorced from a horrible banshee with 5 kids. I totally have my life together and I’m more than your usual amount of interesting and funny so you better be ready to laugh. I like girls that are totally REAL! Let’s see some authentic pictures! 119 .119 Key Example Example #1 You sound like you could be some fun! I could be TOTALLY wrong..Yikes! At any rate.if you think you can handle it. like you mowing down on some Doritos with a huge bucket of KFC. Give me your MSN or cell. that is! Example #2 NICE TRY! I don’t think you can fool us smart guys with your clearly fake picture... I’m 28 years old. though! Something tells me that you get about 30 messages a day from old. Which website did you totally snag these pictures from? Do you have any real pictures of yourself? You know....
but he’s gotta girlfriend.... But I am messaging you hoping you’re more interesting than your picture! Get back to me! Example #4 (Recommended) Hey. so my friend’s got this box of pictures of her and her ex.120 Example #3 I was really bored and decided to browse all these ads on this website and thought to myself “Wow. and desperate women. Example #5 (Recommended) Hey. depressed. depressed. Do you think that’s cheating? This example will surely provoke an answer. and desperate girl that is actually CUTE!” Haha. This is a lonely.” Then...”Wow. Do you think she should? 120 . I came across yours and thought. More on this later. you definitely look like someone who can answer this..but her new boyfriend totally wants her to get rid of it. Look at all these lonely. you look like someone who can answer this question! So this girl kisses my friend. I’m just kidding.
Make sure that your comments aren’t directly offensive. As far as you should be concerned. This is not the time to turn her on. Always add a sufficient amount of cool humour into your messages to diffuse your playful comments. She doesn’t even know who she’s dealing with. here! It doesn’t matter how good 121 . You can use exclamation marks and emoticons to diffuse “offensive” statements. The goal of the first message is to appear non-threatening. 2.) Don’t mention anything sensual…YET. Far too many men do this – attractive females will constantly receive messages from weak woman who will compliment them on literally everything. Just make sure you put a sufficient amount of hoops and disqualifiers to create enough attraction. That is not to say you should not say anything nice. 4. you are only messaging her to break the ice.) Never ever mention the word “date. You need to adopt the frame that the goal of the first message is to simply get her to message you back. 3. It’s important to realize that the above examples have a great mixture of confident playfulness.121 What NOT to do in Your First Message 1.” Don’t even plan your first meet yet.) Don’t be too offensive.) Never suck up to woman in your first message.
5.) Never forget the first five rules of your first message. 122 . It is important to realize that this is by far the most important aspect of your dating experience.122 looking you think you are. Let it be your bible.
123 Fan Question Dear Derek. been employing your rules on first messages. most common is them doing the exact same thing back to me! It’s like they have read your book. 123 . I have been receiving an increased amount of responses. IN ____________________________ Dear Ben! This is one of the most profound ideas you will ever hear about attractive women. Thanks for writing an incredible book. the Ever since I have Ben ******* Fort Wayne. too! respond to all this playful flirting? How should I However.
several times a day. pussy. The best way to interact with these types of girls is to playfully attack them back! It’s a constant game that high-valued singles play with each other constantly. This is where a lot of people get the negative stigma about “hot girls.” saying that most of them are “bitches.” or if you are a confident individual. In a sense. attractive girls are much more socially adept and much friendlier due to their positive upbringings. Attractive women get hit on constantly – almost every single day. Keep this in mind when conversing online and go for the kill! Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game 124 .124 Attractive women have all these playful/confident frames already hardwired inside of them. “nice guy. Attractive girls will naturally. if she is busting at you back. bust your balls and playfully make fun of you. they are testing your integrity to see if you are a weak. then you’re doing something right. without prior knowledge on any attraction guides or ebooks. So.” This is untrue! Typically.
there are ways to send follow up messages to provoke a response! The following are risky.125 Don’t Get Discouraged As previously mentioned. if you’re new to the game and your messages aren’t perfectly sound. However. It’s commonplace for that to happen…especially if you are using free dating websites. It is not unusual for an attractive woman to get hundreds of e-mails a day! Many of them simply do not have the time to read all of their messages and simply delete them. you might get a negative response if you add up a follow-up message. attractive females will constantly be bombarded with messages from other users. Let’s look at some more routines to provoke a response if they did not previously respond to your initial message. if you are determined. Don’t be discouraged if your messages go unanswered or deleted without even being read. 125 . generally most women are just there to browse and nothing else. Especially if you are using free dating websites.
126 Key Example Example #1 Trying to play hard to get already? I think you mistaken me for that other guy that messaged you that had those creepy pictures! Get back to me! Example #2 I know you’re busy deleting e-mails from creepy guys – I better! Talk to me! Only send these messages if you do not receive a response for approximately a week. Not even Brad Pitt is perfect. you will convey desperation. If you send these types of messages too early. Remember. I’m not perfect. if she does not respond it is not a big deal. Never get down when someone doesn’t reply to you or isn’t interested. You’re not perfect. It’s also important to note that many people on dating sites aren’t really interested in dating and are doing it for fun. 126 .
I have approached so many women online that I barely have any more anxiety if they respond or not.127 In fact. I can guarantee you that you will too not care whether you get a reply or not – you will be busy dating other girls – and one’s that are surely serious about dating online! 127 . With enough practice and experience.
again. a good deal of comfort needs to be built before finally meeting. it’s time to plan the second message. you will both create false ideas about each other. This takes place in the phone game. Under Facebook conditions. However. the comfortbuilding phase takes much longer. This is where a lot of men and women make the biggest errors – you need to quickly establish hard contact with your targets. this rule should only be applied to online dating websites. The reason for this is simple – on online dating websites. 128 . For now. some females just strictly like to use the website for keeping in contact with friends. If you continue to pursue a deeper digital relationship with your target. the goal of the second message is to get her phone number or instant messaging e-mail address! Keep in mind. this will usually lead to a very disappointing first date. Now that you’ve successfully broke the digital ice.128 C hapter Fourteen | The Second Message Congratulations! “You’ve successfully provoked a playful response from your target!” Remember to celebrate each success you get! It’s important. in Facebook. However. singles are there already looking to mingle with other singles.
if your target feels like there must be more comfort to build. go for her instant messaging e-mail address..) “You know. and an overall lock of confidence. Don’t be discouraged if they only give you an e-mail address. Use your brain to figure out if you’re using once of these. insecurity.129 Ideally. Just like in the examples following this one.” or sheer indifference. I probably won’t hear from you again. In my eyes. there are multiple variations of this particular example. Do not use any form of the following in any message to anyone at any time. The following lines show tremendous amounts of neediness. and insecure. “Hey. Adopt the mind set of “I know you can’t wait to get back to me. dummy! 129 .” What? I won’t hear from you again? Why not? I know! It’s because you’re weak. I hope you adopt this mindset too! E-mail Blunders These are the most common mistakes many men and women use in their e-mails. if you’ve created enough attraction in your first e-mail.. However. 2. I was just browsing and came across your profile!” You think? Are you that bored? Of course you came across their profile. However. but.. 1. then he or she should be coughing up their cell-phone number in no-time.) Here’s a great one.. a first date is almost guaranteed. you want to get the phone number as quickly as possible. if they cough up either their phone number or e-mail address. not confident.
could you please tell me why? What’s wrong with me?” Weak! Never ever. Be a bit more confident in your approach. much worse. Even though this line. 130 .130 No offence if you have used this in the past or if you were thinking of using it.” is a bit more forward and eye-catching. it’s much too overused and a bit to light.” Then why are you writing? So that he or she will hopefully write back? This is possibly one of the worst mistakes to make! Adopt the mindset that you are what he or she is looking for. I’ve heard much. It’s far too generic of an opener and many people simply will not read passed this line. generally. 5.) “Would you like to have sex with me?” This is an exaggeration. haha.” This isn’t horrible.) “If you don’t write me back. They are the ones that should be seeking your approval. 3. I don’t care if you are a stud. but you probably just take nice pictures. Something like “You look sort of cute. Now you know. this is no way to close the deal. ever seek approval. This line just conveys way too much desperation – it’s pathetic. but you clearly get the idea. 6.) “I wanted to see if you were more than just a pretty face. You’re everything they desire! 4. has the right attitude.) “I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for.
Although I do recommend going through the phone process first. Talk to me!” If you are one of the skilful few who can close a date this fast. “I’ll be busy for the next two days. Get back to me. though! Tell me if this works for you. If you are proposing a time. In order for this to occur you should have needed to built enough attraction your first 131 . Let’s take a look at a quick example.131 Setting Up Your First Date Through E-Mail Sometimes targets will be willing to close a first meeting through e-mail.. always convey that you have a tight schedule. I should be available on Thursday at 3 PM. I’ll definitely be available on Saturday at around 3 PM. always state when you are not available.. then immediately skip to the chapter on first dates! Closing The IM Username/Phone Number Closing hard contact is probably one of the harder aspects of online dating.” “Things are really hectic for me this week! However. these rare occurrences can sometimes be pulled off. If you are in the midst of setting up a time for a meeting.
Add me up and see if you can continue to impress me there! .132 message and have a profile that doesn’t portray that you are a loser/creep! Essentially. 132 .. I guess you don’t sound as bad as you sound (but I could be grossly incorrect!).) I doubt you can.. keep your messages fairly brief and concise.com . you should do so accordingly as well. brevity should be followed up with brevity. However. the second message should contain all the aspects of your first e-mail. Key Example Example #1 After a few lines of teasing him/her. You got MSN or something? My e-mail is ****@****.. You should continue to portray confidence in a playful and humorous way. The difference lies in your final words or how I like to call closing phrase. If he/she sends you a lengthy response from your first message. Again.. Continue to also playfully poke fun – you now have more information to work from in their first response to you. Closing Line: But all in all. Let’s look at some second message examples.
Closing Line: Haha. . you should totally stop treating me like a piece of meat! I know it’s 133 ... *Rolls Eyes* Example #3 After a few lines of teasing him/her.com.****@****.. However.133 Example #2 After a few lines of teasing him/her. then add me up to your MSN.. who knows? You should totally add me to your MSN so we can see if you’re for real or not! My e-mail is. Closing Line: Maybe I’m being a little too harsh? Haha. if you think you’re up for a good challenge....) My e-mail address is ****@****. Example #4 After a few lines of teasing him/her.com! I know you’re dying to get back to these other cool dudes that have messaged you. I’m probably way too much for you to handle.. Closing Line: Haha.
I hope you see a general trend in the way things are heading. or expression at 134 . Closing Line: So are you mature enough to own a cell phone? I hope so! . Closing Line: I’ve been really busy and I don’t come on here much anymore. the difference lies with the amount of humor involved. If you are not using any humor. You should give me your number or MSN and I can probably try and get back to you as soon as I free up! By now. Maybe you’d like to carry this conversation over the phone or MSN? Give your cell phone and be ready to have a good time! Example #5 After a few lines of teasing him/her.haha! Example #6 After a few lines of teasing him/her.. you should give me your phone number so I can continue to make fun of you over the phone. emoticons. Maybe it will give you a chance to redeem yourself (but probably not). Remember not to confuse arrogance with playful teasing! Essentially..134 hard to given my dashing good looks...) If so...
however. 1. Let’s take a look at a very crude hypothetical example. Arrogant and funny. you will come across as arrogant.. that you have a sense of humor.) Way too offensive... intelligent. confident. Read and check every line after you 135 . If you haven’t. A lot of the examples that I use may push this envelope although I do want to hammer in this concept. It was a cocky comment made into a joke! Not only does this person show high social value. Arrogant means insecure.135 all in your messages and in your messages. come as a shock to you (or maybe not if you truly do have an ugly phone). However.. You must use a significant amount of humor and positive expression writing. then you are being.” with a completely serious demeanour. etc. This will perhaps. if the same person came up to you and said “where did you get that phone. dude? Looks like something I saw at the dollar store! Haha!” you would be much less inclined to think of this person as a threat to your well being. Say you are talking on your cell phone and someone comes up to you and says “your phone is hideous. The Second Message Results If you’ve played your cards right. you will most definitely receive a second response. but also conveys a great sense of humor (which adds to his/her value). you’ve portrayed to her that you’re not a creep. is a totally different ball game.. however.
136 have written to ensure that this rule is maintained.) You didn’t have much mystery in your message. you tease them like nuts but in a caring way. A well-known online dating expert told me once that you should treat women like your little sister. essentially. However. One large element many women need to 136 .) You were too aggressive in your approach. The reason you’re doing this is because you truly want to care about women. You posed too much of a sexual threat. this may not be the result that you desire! For all you men and women out there. How do you create mystery in a message? Think of movie previews that you see in theatres. They show snippets of stories but they don’t finish them. Remember. 3. How do you treat your little sister? Well for those of you who don’t have a little sister. If you are not posing as a good challenge to your target.) Not offensive enough! You need to get rid of the majority of the niceness that is inside of you if possible! Posing as a challenge is. you love women. If you are a woman. In a sense. you are looking out for them! 2. the key to your emails. then you have just wasted your opportunity. They don’t show the main course of the movie and they leave interesting visuals out. stop trying to suck up to your targets! 4. though. you probably will induce a response immediately. These previews have an incredible form to create sufficient amount of strategy.
“I want you to guess to think what I am! .)” However. however they indeed take some practice to master! 137 ... I highly encourage you to read through the next few chapters thoroughly as the next steps of picking up your target online are slightly more complex. If they ask you what your job is. If you do not receive a response. Not harder to necessarily achieve. don’t answer. This is a great technique I learned from my friend. look at the previous examples outlined in the last chapter. Just say.137 know about the man they’re trying to court is their job or career. if you’ve avoided these errors. they should be coughing up their phone numbers of IM usernames in no time.
Don’t overdo it. it clearly means they have interest in you. It simply means you have less work to do. strong frame. If you receive a random message from somebody. However. you are going to have to reciprocate a little bit of interest while still maintaining a firm. Give them the option.138 C hapter Fifteen | How to Deal With People Contacting You These are. If someone has already messaged you. surprisingly. At one point or another. Simply keep your confidence level high by continuing to playfully make fun of your target. some of the easiest situations to deal with. if you want to and if you like what you see). attraction is already present. the strategy is not that different. Closing quickly separates the great pick up artists from the good ones. 138 . though. try and go for their instant-messaging e-mail address or phone number. needless to say. Don’t Forget The Objective You need to focus on getting the phone number as quick as possible. When you message your target back (that is.
Don’t let this happen to you! Play it cool and maintain your confident frame. so it is vital that you reciprocate just a little bit. This is where a lot of men fail. They will message you back. The Game is Played The Same Way Just follow up that message they sent you with a similar frame of mind. play the game the exact same way! If they are showing interest in you already. It’s that simple. send one quick message back with a few playful jabs. They receive a first contact message from another person and they immediately jump on the “weak” bandwagon. They have interest in you. Now it’s on to the instant messaging game or phone game! 139 . This is where your call to action should be in place if they haven’t even asked you already. However.139 It is important to not get too worked up about the fact that someone messaged you instead of vice-versa.
.. especially at your initial attempts. if you’ve followed my steps carefully.Fortunately for you. Almost.. a. however. The Truth About Rejection If she’s not answering.140 C hapter Sixteen | How to Cope With Online Dating Rejection The Fear This will be the shortest chapter in the book because my advice will be very concise and effective. True..) She’s had a bad day and doesn’t want to deal with anything else. rejection in online dating is not nearly as bad as rejection in real life – believe me. if you are still feeling anxiety. 140 .. It’s the fear that every guy has. look at it this way.). you might not have built enough attraction (which will come with practice). should never happen. However.. you will face rejection – I certainly did. do you really think it’s you? Many times when woman reject men it isn’t because she thinks you’re “horrible” or “bad” (unless you’ve successfully creeped them out completely which. There are a multitude of reasons why she won’t respond or rejects you.
g.) And finally.141 b. d.) She’s already deeply interested in someone else. many men don’t even think this way. WHO CARES?! How do you know if she was even your type to begin with? I think everyone can agree that all of the reasons listed above are quite possible – however.) She’s been actually really busy and forgot to reply. f.” 141 . They automatically assume the worst when faced with rejection: “She doesn’t like me because I’m ugly/a loser/she thinks I’m gay.) She already has a boyfriend but still uses your online dating profile for fun. e. and you were simply too late.) She has too high quality men attracting her correctly. c.) She’s using her online dating profile strictly for fun.
. refer to this chapter. 142 .the next time you fear rejection or try and think about the reason she didn’t message you back.142 “Stop Thinking That Right Now” Now. Believe in it.. Read it.
) http://messenger.yahoo. 2.Yahoo! Messenger 143 .Windows Live! Messenger This is my personal favourite due to its popularity – 150 million + people currently use it.) http://get.com/messenger/ . Most people around my area have this and it’s incredibly fast and stable.live. don’t worry – instant messaging is incredibly simple. Compatible with users on Yahoo! Messenger.com/ . however. if you feel you need to build a bit more comfort. Here is a list of the most popular instant messaging programs right now. however. If you are one of those people who are afraid of technology. sometimes the instant messenger game can come very handy. you do want to skip straight to the phone game which will be talked about in the next chapter. 1.143 C hapter Seventeen | The InstantMessenger Game My Specialty! This is probably the area in which I have the most fun doing. Ideally.
instant messaging is a great way to test and polish your online dating approach skills since you have less time to think of a response.AOL Instant Messenger Boasting over 100 million users. If you are unsure on which program to get. I do get the occasional AOL Instant Messenger users. using Windows Live! Messenger is a safe bet. About 22 million users are actively using this instant messenger. In fact. we see that it is really no different than your interactions through e-mail or internal online dating messaging systems. It boasts the largest current user base. All programs are great and are very comparable in terms of functionality. Most singles that I have conversed with from online dating sites usually have Windows Live! Messenger – on rare exceptions. 3. Users on both Yahoo! Messenger and Windows Live! Messenger can communicate with each other as well. Instant Messaging…What’s Different Here? If we break down instant messaging into its basic parts.com/aim . AOL is another great alternative to the above.) http://dashboard.aim. However. the principals of 144 .144 Virtually identical to Windows Live! Messenger.
Just like in a real conversation with a person. 1. you detach a consistent emotional build up of the conversation and you will lose your potential target.145 everything we have talked about still apply. However. In short. How fast should you be replying? If you are talking much too slow. your target will be inclined to do the same. the flow or speed of an online instant messaging conversation dictates the mood. let’s look at some key differences to focus on. you imply that you are investing much too much into the conversation which comes across as somewhat needy. However. It is safe to say that we need to find a happy-medium. wait a bit to add more tension! 145 . you should be writing a significant amount approximately 5-10 seconds after she replies. Start replying quicker then after she asks you a juicy question. Later in the conversation. If to the conversation.) It is essential that you should keep and control the pace of the conversation. What constitutes a significant amount? You should be writing at two to four long lines at the peak of your conversation while waiting these very crucial intervals in between replies. if you talk too fast. The most effective way to carry out a conversation is to reply in slow bursts. you should be varying your intervals. Keep this conversation-flow going you invest a fair amount of contribution.
I’m just in a really important conversation with my friend right now too.146 2. you are trying to imply that you are not too needy or desperate for attention. 4. This is to convey non-threat. you could say “Sorry.” After saying your time-constraint. immediately dive into your first routine. talk to them immediately! Do not wait. The longer you wait. one second. you will have to be using all ten seconds to come up with a reply that not only shows high value. Like the first rule of instant-messaging.) Think faster! Becoming a good instant messaging conversationalist takes much more practice than e-mailing. 3. Always open your target up with a positive opener followed with an exclamation mark. Many times than not. For example. 146 . but create a situation where you are qualifying her.) The beginning of your conversation should contain a false time constraint. There will be more examples of this later. the more anxiety is built up.) As soon as you add him/her to your instant messaging program. You should imply that you are busy and pre-occupied during the conversation while contributing heavily to the conversation.
student myself.147 Fan Question Dear Derek. I read the section on instant messaging. as far as text messaging goes. do the same rules apply here? like to create a lot of attraction in this area too! I also text messaging girls constantly and I would Thanks in advance! 147 . instant-messaging. instant messaging is an integral part of my life for communication. Being a college I just had a few questions about your instant messaging instant-messaging techniques. haven’t picked up from online dating? that I have met in class on my MSN list and would like to attempt my game on them on online! I have a lot of girls Do your techniques apply to people that I Also.
or. The pace of text messaging obviously differs. Every text message you send must have a demonstration of higher value and a playful qualifier and force them to reply back to you. Yes. OR ____________________________ Dear Justin. it’s much. every message you send has to have a significant amount of meaning since they are. In fact. Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game 148 .148 Justin ********* Eugene. The important thing is to just maintain your funny. much easier to talk to men and women who you have previously met. confident. As far as text messaging goes. playful frame and close a meeting date fast. The text messaging game can be quite fun if played correctly. However.. tendency. Typically.. perhaps. start up a phone conversation! You will soon realize that online instant messaging is one of the most effective ways to set up dates with members of the opposite sex. the game is a little different. much shorter than IM messages. there will be much more to talk about. All the techniques that I have outlined in my instant messaging segment of my book does apply to people who you haven’t picked up on online dating websites.
I don’t know if you’ll know the answer to this. I totally have a question for you. Guy: Sorry. though. dude. Girl: Oh yeah? What’s that? Give me a shot! Guy: Alright. He says there’s totally nothing there but she’s still getting so 149 ..and she is smoking hot. I’m in a really serious convo with one of my buddies. you! Girl: Hey.. let’s look at some general examples of some great IM conversations. Key Example Example #1 After a few seconds after contact has been added to IM program… Guy: Hey. so my buddy’s girlfriend is giving him heat for having lunch with his old ex...149 Now.
you know. Guy: WHOA! I told him the EXACT same thing. I bet you couldn’t in real life! I love to laugh. Our advice apparently sucks! Mine was a bit better than yours. then! Girl: Definitely! Example #2 150 ..150 mad at him anyways. He says he said something like that before and nothing worked. Guy: Haha. but I must admit only really special people can make me laugh. Several minutes of conversation pass.. though.. well hey I got another great story but it’s WAY too long.. That’s totally weird. Let’s talk about this over the phone. ok well you sound like you can make me laugh. YOU LOSER! Guy: Haha. maybe he should just tell her to trust him! I relationship totally can’t work if there isn’t 100% trust between them. Girl: I BET YOU I COULD. I guess. What should he do? Girl: Well.
I think you know. you are totally killing me. What about my pictures? Guy: I just think it’s cute that you have little bit of a rabbit’s smile! You know… Girl: Rabbit’s smile!? Haha! Guy: Haha. So I totally can’t find my cellphone.151 After a few seconds after contact has been added to IM program… Guy: HEY! Are you that girl with the messy pics I met online? Girl: Messy? What does THAT mean? Guy: Oh. well we might as well talk on the phone now. Several minutes of conversation pass… Guy: DUDE! I found my phone!!!! Alright. This is totally way too slow for me. I hope you have a good sense of humour because I can be a little out of hand sometimes – in a good way! So have you heard about… Go into a routine. Don’t you hate it when that happens??? Girl: Haha. So what’s your number? 151 .
the less anxiety both parties will feel. 152 . The longer you wait the more nervousness and anxiety you build up. notice the near immediate mention of a false time constraint near the beginning of the IM conversation. Using an exclamation mark after the opener is always a good way to start off a conversation on a positive note. he immediately opens the target as soon as contacts have been added. Above all this. As we can see in the first example. notice how the guy opens up with energy and positivity. She will feel this too. Much like approaches done in real life. you are now both on the same social team. First off. the guy and his target are now working together to help the problem at hand. There is now a mutual benefit between the two parties. approaching targets on online messengers are much the same. the guy is trying to help his friend and using the target for aid. you are also showing that you are a good friend. Again. approaching your target online is much less stressful than in real life! Also. Psychologically speaking. Not only are you showing that you have other priorities above her. Showing concern for your friends is one of the most attractive things to convey to a potential target. The time constraint in the first example is one of the best ones you can use.152 Girl: Alright! It’s… Example Analysis Let’s look at how “the guy” in these examples generates a good amount of interest. Fortunately. The sooner you open up.
Why is this? In fact. Let’s say one of them initiates a conversation with you and you begin to talk about football. common goal. The main basis of friendship and the backbone of your social group is mutual benefit. companionship. you feel these overbearing emotions of happiness. and are both roughly look rather similar.153 “You both now share a single. And since biologically this is deemed as extremely useful. Let’s take a look at a very crude example of what mutual benefit is. Let’s picture you standing beside two other people that you have never met or seen in your life.” Quick Tip What is the goal of friendship? When you think about friendship. friendship goes far deeper than just feeling simple emotions such as happiness and joy – friends directly benefit your overall ability to survive and mate. You delve 153 . you think about happiness and great times. and relationships. They are both female. You are happy when you see friends or familiar people.
And. You might even meet a potential lover! She will also benefit from all this through you. Through her you are more able to meet her friends. you can build a very effective relationship which not only portrays could character but also attraction. no friendship is built. you gain a plethora of things that you do not even think about – you are now immediately considered to be roughly in her circle of friends. if the female asks a juicy question about the male subject. he only sends a message once every 10 seconds or so to provide a sense of anticipation. it is quite evident in the first example. we assume that he will wait slightly longer to reply to add to the climax of the conversation. 154 . family. There is absolutely no give or take in this situation and hence. However. You do not benefit from her existence and she does benefit from yours. Now. you generally build rapport. you share jokes. and co-workers. So what can you draw from this? Learn how to build a good social circle! This book isn’t about making friends. If you carefully look at the last example IM conversations. if you can learn quickly how to get your target into trying to appease you. however. or benefit you first. There is no mutual benefit. What benefit have you gained from this person? You’ve gained knowledge. obviously. we see the male subject say a significant amount within each message he sends. let’s look at the other female that you did not build rapport with. Later in the conversation. if he is following the rules correctly. Furthermore.154 into a deep and stimulating conversation with this person – you share information.
Building Trust This is the part that many guys just fail miserably. Yes. Act as a teacher. He consistently uses mystery to intrigue the female further... Now. one of the largest differences in your relationship is the sharing of your secrets. Your closest friends will inevitably do the same with you. but here’s another good one. Another great way to build trust is to tell secrets. You should never. if you have a hobby that they’re interested in. If you’ve noticed one huge difference you have between your closest friends and your average friends. He uses lots of expression in his conversation and he playfully teases his subject in a cocky but funny manner. Women are very interested in this as I have discovered. I told you about the tactic about treating the target like a little sister. You will only share your deepest secrets with your closest friends.. Instead. ever mention work when you’re talking to women on the internet. don’t get boring. if they are interested in something about you. you can teach them about that. 155 . It is extremely important that trust be built before attempting to enter the phone game. don’t teach them about your job.. Personally.155 Notice the male subject writes quite well. teach them! Teach about anything that interests them. I play guitar.
What gives her any incentive to trust you already? You’ve barely built any rapport. Don’t tell her you’re confident. Of course you wouldn’t share your best friend’s deepest secrets. you will know that they are absolutely in love with gossip. You can start off with a statement like.156 By sharing a secret. Exploit this fact and talk about some juicy gossip that is going on within your immediate group of friends.. never enquire about their whereabouts in the early stages of the relationship.. especially if it is in their immediate circle of friends. Don’t ever tell her you’re funny.” Remember that the worst thing you can do when building trust is say “trust me. it is detrimental to do this. they love social gossip. Never ask them to give you information that would compromise their security to start. but this a story I often tell them. Remember the example we talked about in Binary Theory about the Lamborghini and the two guys? This is the exact same idea. Do not tell her that you’re trustworthy. 156 . I hate it. In fact. “You wanna know a little funny secret about me? I totally don’t like chocolate at all. even if it’s a fun little secret. show her that you’re funny. In particular...” DO NOT DO THIS. show her! Get it? And finally. and although you may have made a good impression so far. is a great way to build trust. Gossip Syndrome If you know anything about women. display trustworthiness.
Do not be discouraged. Let’s look at first the situation and the possible remedies for these situations. Holding a conversation online requires much more work as typing is involved – if someone isn’t the greatest typist. Do you think he should get rid of the box?” Get her involved in the story and ask for her opinion. The simple investment of saying more than 157 . You will eventually encounter people that are just not quite talkative online. they are not truly that shy in real life. a.) You can effectively force them to invest much more into the conversation if you say something of significance.) He/she is a very light speaker... there will be some troubles. However. and she’s gorgeous and he really likes her. however…many times than not. Here are some ways you can spice up these often boring conversations. She will definitely respond to this. he’s got a box filled with pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend. Dealing With IM Woes Here are some rough encounters you may face when speaking with a target on an IM program.157 “So my friend started going out with this new chick. 1.
There is not a lot you can do in this situation if the target sincerely has to go very shortly. You are a high quality single that is not desperate.) First off. “Aww. a. I totally get that problem all the 158 . don’t immediately give away your phone number.) Start asking interesting questions. If you remember the example from earlier. There are a couple of things you can do to try and remedy the situation. Sometimes when you open your target right away. he/she will have to go immediately. 2. Asking a lot of open-ended questions helps keep the flow of the conversation going at a constant rate.) Playfully tease them. I like to say stuff like. ask a question about your friend and how you can help him with his girlfriend.) You can start poking fun at the situation.158 usual will push your target to invest more into the conversation as well too. b. b. You need to create comfort with your target by playfully teasing them. c. They will sooner or later open up to you. However. Achieve the mindset that he/she will have to earn the right to get your phone number. You appear weak and easy. huh. I guess I’m way too cool for you. I don’t have to explain why this is important. you do not want to waste a great time to build rapport. Yeah.) He/she has to go right away.
) She stops responding for no reason. However.”Too much for you already? Haha! Knew it. you are not necessarily doing anything bad. if you do indeed get this problem. interesting. you simply have not generated enough interest. you certainly may not be compatible with the target person.159 time!”. 159 . the best way to remedy this is to learn how to generate enough interest in each and every message you send. make sure you take the target through the phone game to properly assess their personality. and convey confidence. 3.”Oh really? That’s perfect because something just came up too! We’ll talk soon!” This is by far the simplest way to close the conversation.” – you get the picture. I rarely ever get this complaint – however. brief.) Follow up with a time constraint. If you’re having this problem. funny. You can follow up with another time restraint of yourself. but it is not the greatest indicator of one’s true personality.. The IM game is indeed fun. chances are if you perceive this. They need to be concise.. Starting up a conversation again can be awkward – and so it should be.) She doesn’t stop talking. 4. c. If this happens. If your target stops talking to you...
The best time to initiate a phone conversation through IM is typically during the night on a weekday where you know for sure he/she does not have any plans. Never forget the goal of the IM conversation – it is to effectively initiate a phone conversation or meeting as fast as possible without breaking the comfort level. That is. If you and your target are using this as your primary means of communication. It is important to constantly brush up on these skills every now and then with your friends. a lot of expectations will in your relationship. it is typically not the very best time to initiate a very long phone conversation with your target. Here are some ways you can tell if he/she is truly digging you. This shows that they are 160 . One of the best queues that he or she is ready for the phone game is if they start showing indicators of heavy interest in you. Typically during mid-day or afternoon. he or she starts decreasing the interval between what they are saying. 1.160 The Importance of The IM Skill Set Instant messaging has become one of the most main stream ways of communicating. As important as I stress this aspect of online dating is it should be noted that it is critical you do not stay in this phase for very long.) He/she starts increasing the pace of the conversation. Initiating The Phone Game from IM Game Initiating the phone game from the IM game always been done within the very first IM conversation especially given the time of day.
)” – make it playful! Don’t be serious otherwise you will creep your target out. it’s always a great sign. you too should also slightly decrease the interval between your messages. If they begin to ask personal questions about you. If they show signs that they are receiving your humor well (you can see indications of this if they say “lol” for example. This is an online abbreviation for “laugh out loud. 3.) They start asking private questions about you. If you sense that they are increasing the pace of the interaction. “Hm. This is clearly a no-brainer. you can safely assume that they have some vested interested in you. How should you deal with these questions? Remember back to the chapter on your profile content – don’t give too much away! It’s okay to refuse to answer a question. If they are speaking much more than they were initially. Sometimes you can say. 4. I don’t know if I trust you enough yet to answer all these questions just yet! .161 now much more truly invested in the conversation.) They start laughing.”) then you can safely assume another indicator of interest is present. 161 . it is safe to assume that your target is into you. 2. If they are consistently increasing the pace of the interaction for the next 10 messages.) Your target is increasing the amount of what they say.
you type REALLY slow! Hurry up! Haha. 162 . You should immediately start thinking about moving to the phone game. This is a great indicator of interest. If you attempt to move to the phone game too quickly.162 5. At this point.) They take a long time to answer your message. then they are trying to extra careful with what they’re trying to say to you.” 6. Sometimes you can playfully tease them while they’re doing this by saying things like. Apart from the last indicator of interest.) They begin to compliment you. If you see them taking an increased duration when they are typing a message to you. I am speaking specifically at the function in most IM programs which allow you to see if your target is in the process of typing a message. you will freak the target out and chances are you will appear much too needy. “Wow. it’s over. you should be waiting for at least five indicators of interests before even thinking about moving to the phone game.
NY ____________________________ Dear Vince. 163 . I do have one Vince ******* New York.163 Fan Question Dear Derek. I found your chapter on instant messaging the most helpful when trying to pick up women online. game to the phone game. I am having problems converting from the IM I find that many times I am getting stuck in the IM However. problem. target is still showing a sufficient number of indicators of interest but I just can’t seem to make the shift! est Any tips? Is there any way I can fix this? My That is. phase.
Take it from me – I went through this phase as well! I met this wonderful girl at the college I went to. They develop a very strong relationship through IM messages but fail to create something deeper beyond that. The best way to overcome this is to continue creating attraction and create a smooth sequence to ask for their phone number as outlined in Chapter 17 – The Phone Game. We began talking on MSN frequently. We definitely created attraction.164 This is a problem far too many couples have. however. As I had said in the IM chapter. When we finally set up a date. The first meet will most definitely be a disappointment. There are ways around this. you should prevent this from happening at all costs! You will begin to develop too many ideas about the other person that they may never live up to. After you receive a sufficient amount of indicators of interest through your IM conversations. however we were in the IM stage for too long. express to your target that you are tired of typing and would like to chat on 164 . The problem with targets not wanting to head into the phone game is the lack of comfort. They feel so safe and comfortable at this stage that they feel that moving forward would negatively affect the overall integrity of their relationship. They feel it is much too early to that stage and feel like they need to feel to be more connected to you in order for this to happen. but the best way to remedy this is to get to the phone game as quickly as possible. it was far too late! It was so awkward it wasn’t even funny.
This also acts as a false-time constraint. If you give them the burden to start with. At the beginning of your IM situation. Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game 165 .” This is a great way to start off a phone conversation. If you take the initiative in the phone game you will look much more attractive when you do it properly – and being the new confident self. After you have received a sufficient amount of interest from your target. Always try to get their number. Another great routine to use is the “My Hand Hurts” sequence. express to your target that you “lost” your cell phone and that you are busy looking for it.165 the phone! If you remember from the earlier in this chapter. you will make that phone call. there is a very good chance that they will not have the guts to give you a call. This one works magic. I use this most of the time. you will recall the “lost cell phone routine. miraculously “find” your phone and ask the target to resume the conversation on the phone. Just say you hurt your hand working out at the gym the day before and express that you would way rather talk on the phone.
if you’re a regular loser. Remember to celebrate every accomplishment as big or as small as you may perceive them. if you’re “cool”. In my last chapter. if you’re creepy. I can indeed tell you on what you should do and what you should say. Can you learn to eliminate this? Most definitely. However. The phone game is considered by far the most nerve-wracking for men and women alike. I talked a little bit about the pace of the conversation in an instant-messaging scenario – however.166 C hapter Eighteen | The Phone Game If You’ve Gotten This Far… Congratulations! You’ve most likely by now beaten most of your competition and are on the way to your first date. If you enter into a phone conversation with a person you’ve never talked to. you need to be in the zone one hundred percent in order for things to effectively turn out in your favour. In this chapter. However. This is important. etc. the pace of the conversation is much more important. if you’re funny. on the phone. The pace of the conversation can convey how confident you are. Phone conversations completely eliminate the time in between “messages” to each other and effectively you need to be absolutely ready for these encounters. if you are not mentally sound for the phone conversation. how desperate you are. you are already destined to fail. the phone game probably takes the most practice to 166 . if you’re intelligent. ultimately.
Now for each conversation. 6... Have a friend pick them out for you. Finished? Good for you.) Get out your phone book. It does not matter if they are male or female. Make sure they are completely random. I advise you to not be part of this crude statistic because the next exercise might completely change your phone game approach! This is what I want you to do.) Find five random entries in the phone book. note what you said and how the conversation went.167 perfect. Your First Task – A Rather Gutsy Exercise! I know that at least 50% of you who read this book will not do the following exercise. Would have more humor prolonged 167 . 1. Seriously. 4. Just talk! 7. For the longest recorded conversation. 3. note what went right.) Wait until you are by yourself. 5.) Pick up the phone and dial any one of the five phone numbers.) Write them down.) Record your times.) Start a random conversation – do the best you can! Try and hold the conversation for as long as possible. 2. It takes a lot of guts to do what you just did.
but it gives you much needed practice on starting a quality random conversation.) Right from the get go this person will have your attention. analyze that also.) This person is a clear talker. you will notice a few key things. 168 . If you’ve ever had a conversation with an extremely good conversationalist.) This person will paint vivid pictures. 2. You will not be creeped out. 3. You will not feel pressured or threatened. The volume of his or her voice is loud and clear. The speed of the conversation is just right. He or she tells emotional stories – not necessarily long ones.168 the conversation? Would have playfully making fun of the target (if opposite sex) been better? Did you end the conversation on a positive note? Now for your shortest conversation. but stories that are to the point. They have a purpose or an end goal. What did you do wrong? Were you creeping out the other person? Did that person just simply want to end the conversation as fast as possible? What do you think would have helped? This exercise not only helps you with approach anxiety. 1. This person also constantly makes eye contact with you to grab your attention.
5. acknowledge that it is something worth to constantly work for. it is definitely not game over. always end on a positive note.) This person will always. 6. Needless to say. If the language you’re trying to pickup men or women with isn’t your first language. It also conveys a great deal of intelligence. you should constantly be trying to better your speech every day.169 4. but life in general. Perfecting Your Speech Being an articulate speaker is such a vital skill in not only trying to pick up the opposite sex. The ability to speak well and convey a message effectively can affect your social life profoundly. There is a limit on the amount of silence used. Go back to my section on body language. 169 . The transition in between topics is smooth. However.) This person’s posture is always in check. Memorize it.) This person will limit the silence.
you should get a friend to help you assess these problems if they are occurring. Finally. look in the mirror? How do you look? Does it seem like you’re physically struggling to get the words out? How’s your body language while you’re saying it? Realistically. Make it seem natural. you will need a mirror and a tape recorder (if you do not have a tape recorder you can use the microphone on your computer). each time increasing your volume.170 The Five Common Speech Mistakes – We’ve All Done Them at Some Point In Our Lives… The first common speech mistake is low volume. 170 . If you feel like you’re shouting. take a few steps away from the microphone. For the following few exercises. The obvious reason why this is undesirable is that people simply can’t hear you.” While you’re saying this statement. Each time you say the sentence. there are exercises that you can do to remedy. If you’re a person that doesn’t project their voice sufficiently. Do it once a day. Start the recorder and say the following sentence… “From now on. However. Say it two more times. I will constantly strive to speak loudly. Do not scream. You don’t have to put any significant amount of stress on your muscles. listen to your recording and assess whether it is easy to listen to. smile! Volume is relative to the amount of air exiting your mouth. Repeat this exercise. projecting your voice out loud shows a great deal of confidence. though! Screaming is not the objective of the exercise.
but it also makes you seem nervous and make your statements sound trivial. I will still continue to speak loud and clear. Speaking quickly is not only too hard to understand. Don’t forget to look in the mirror while you do this and keep your body language in check – don’t forget that posture and stance can have an effect on your speech. get a friend to help you out with this. Listen to your recording and assess whether it sounds natural or not. Repeat these statements two more times. there is an exercise that you can do to help you combat this. you still need your mirror and your microphone. You will need to record a 10 minute conversation with your friend. but it is possible. Take an unusually long pause in between each and every word.” When saying these statements.171 The second common speech problem is talking speed. although it is very difficult. shorten the pause slightly until it begins to sound natural. Again. This will seem unnatural at first but it is supposed to. This is also probably the most difficult of all the speech problems to remedy. The third common speech problem is…umm…uhhh…it’s…hmm…”brain farts!” I can personally admit that I sometimes do have this problem! It’s probably the most common speech problem people have. Each time you do it. but I assure you they work. However. you should just think before you talk. I will no longer bunch my words together and slur them. Play it back 171 . pronounce each and every syllable fully. It is simple to suggest that to help. You may need a tape recorder for this exercise. For this exercise. Start recording and say the following line… “I will speak slowly and clearly from now on. It also may seem to be counter-intuitive to do this exercise as well.
Obviously speaking in a monotone voice is not an attractive way to communicate. 172 . Another great way to improve your voice modulation is to practice telling children’s stories. you tone changes to indicate that the statement was a question. The fourth speech problem is the lack of voice modulation. and the odd politician. A great way to practice this is to simply turn on the television and mimic your favourite talk-show host.172 with a pen and paper handy. This may seem ridiculous at first. By doing this. Now read this sentence out loud as if you were actually saying it. I want you to read this sentence out loud as if you were genuinely saying it. Try and imitate the characters in the stories. talk-show hosts. say all of these so-called “brain farts” out loud and try to memorize them. “Let’s go get some ice cream?” Notice at the end of the statement. If you listen to good speakers such as comedians. you will much more conscious of using them the next time you have a conversation. You are going to write down all the brain farts you get in that 10 minute conversation. The last common speech mistake ties in with the fourth problem – making definitive statements. but reading children’s stories to children is a great way to discover what voice modulations work for you – be creative with your voice intonation and your volume. you will notice that they constantly vary the sound of their voices to keep things interesting. When you are finished.
it is needless to say that there are many more.” Notice that the change in tone at the end of the statement is unlike the question. you need to be making definitive statements all the time. Especially as a man. Just simply ask a friend how you sound like when you’re speaking. It’s amazing. There’s usually always something that can be improved – we all don’t have perfect voices but we can perfect what we do have! 173 . The best exercise to improve definitive statement-making is to simply convince your friend to do small things while taking note of your tonality. Convince him or her to trying something new at a restaurant. By doing so. Sounds like you know what you’re doing and you mean it! These are some of the most common speech errors people make. However. Have them suggest something that could be better.173 “Let’s go get some ice cream.” Learn to put the figurative “down-stroke” on your statements. Instead of saying something like… “Why don’t you try the cordon bleu?” Say something like… “Try the cordon bleu this time. you will seem more like a leader and not a wuss. This is a definitive statement.
I still get butterflies when I call beautiful women. Many quality men and women will screen singles right up to this point indefinitely. how can you come across as not a creep? 1. So. and funny guy? Or do you have a really nervous tone about yourself. you will have a very hard time succeeding with online dating. So. It’s completely natural to feel this way. Does your voice stutter through words? How fast are you talking? What do you usually talk about? I can most definitely guarantee that if you are not the greatest talker over the phone. your words do not flow consistently (or they may not even flow at all). confident. basically.) Don’t give in to the aforementioned “stutter” due to nervous anxiety. That is. The only way you can truly get rid of being nervous is simply through practice – however I can tell from all the many hundreds of phone calls to singles I have made in my life. Yes. but I’m referring specifically to the stutter that is due to nervous anxiety. there will be a natural negative stigma of “creepiness. This probably is deeply rooted within your innergame. Some people are simply born with a stutter.” Listen to yourself talking sometime – do you sound like a normal. you are going to not be a creep! Sound easy enough? Given the nature of talking to someone from an online dating website.174 Your Main Goal of Phone Game I can tell you right now what your main goal is in your first phone conversation. Many of the world’s most famous pick up artists feel the exact same way before approaching/calling women. how can 174 . you heard correct. And I’m not the only one of my kind that does it.
Now this is another great tip to get over that nervous anxiety. start saying a story routine out loud (there will be examples of phone story routines later in this chapter) and visualize yourself talking to your target. Notice how you’re talking.don’t worry about anything else at this point.. However. Continuously start speaking for a complete minute then dial the number.. I guarantee you that you will feel much more comfortable when you enter the phone conversation. Notice how smooth you’re speaking and how natural it is. but really the only way you are truly going to get more comfortable in this area is to talk to anyone on the phone. Right before you dial the phone number. 175 . This may sound uncomfortable but I can almost guarantee you success if you do this. And just talk. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take deep breathes before making that phone conversation.175 you battle this foe? There are so many psychological ploys people like to integrate to help them cope with nervousness. Notice how easy and natural it is to come up with things to say! You most definitely want to achieve this tonality. I can tell you right now the best way to get rid of that nervous anxiety is to practice. Notice the pace of the conversation. Many people like to take deep breathes and they like to imagine they are “not actually doing what they’re doing”. etc. Call up a friend and try to strike up a conversation! Call up a family member to see what they’re up to! Talk to anyone you feel comfortable talking to.
If you observe people who talk on the phone. and as a result.176 Quick Tip Here’s a great tip for starting phone conversations with someone. you will often see them constantly fidgeting or walking around in circles. I just find it the most comfortable of areas in my condo – I’m no interior decorator. I walk around in circles as well if I’m talking to anyone for the first bit. In fact. you should most definitely use that space. Personally. If you have one of these fidgety reactions. embrace it. make you seem much less desperate. Choose a room in your place that you feel most comfortable in and always talk in there. Personally. I feel much more comfortable doing this. Why is this? – being pre-occupied with something makes the conversation seem less important. 176 . but I have tons of really neat pictures and a fireplace which helps me wind down! If you have a space that has the same effect on you. I always use my bedroom. If you continue to use this room as your “phone room.” you will grow much more comfortable in this environment and you will feel accustomed to talking on the phone in that room. It’s completely natural.
177 2. So what’s up? 177 . in many cases. Key Example Example #1 Girl: Hello? Guy: Wow. This can also be a product of nervous anxiety. you are simply boring your target and he or she will be quick to dismiss you. That’s funny. you sound hilarious. Remember. each interaction that you have with your target should be positive and memorable – if you cannot create a situation where you aren’t poking fun or producing any humor. having a strong opener on the phone will immediately break any tension that was present.) Don’t be too bland. Let’s quickly jump into some quick examples of memorable openers on the phone.” Not using enough humor and playful jabbing in your first interaction can come across as downright weird. This is one of the most primary characteristics of “creepiness. In fact.
That’s crazy. don’t worry about it. So answer my question – what’s up? Example #2 Girl: Hello? Guy: You totally don’t sound like how you look in your photos. So how’s it going? Girl: Is that how you talk to girls for the first time? Guy: Totally. Haha. so how’s it going? Example #3 Girl: Hello? Guy: Hey is Loser there? 178 . It’s sort of cute.178 Girl: What?! How do I sound funny? Guy: Haha.
you can effectively break any tension and immediately start building comfort right from the get go. As you can see in the previous Key Examples. yeah it’s me. By opening with something witty and funny. be careful that your jokes are you not too offensive. A lot. The great thing about making fun of your target over the phone is that you can add tonal expression. You’re so mean to me. and interesting person.179 Girl: Haha. he or she will inevitably be inclined to create a first meeting with you. This is the goal of the phone conversation. each routine involves playfully making fun of your target. If your target feels comfortable with you. This means you are allowed to push the playfulness a bit further! 179 . If you end the phone conversation on an awkward note. 3. funny. This is key and probably the best bet to create attraction over the phone. Make sure this doesn’t happen! Again. You are immediately posing as a comfortable. It’s important to keep in mind that you phone call immediately precedes the first date. the feeling with be synonymous in the first date. Playful is the name of the game.) Make fun of your target. Guy: You love it.
people are horrible at this in the way that they either are not prepared or they are simply talking about the wrong things. Let’s first take a look at things you seriously do not want to talk about… 1. make the conversation brief. Keep the compliments to a bare minimum. In my opinion. Never bring this up unless your target asks you and even if they do.) Online dating. However.) School/Work. Again.) How “awesome” they are. This takes much practice. follow up a compliment with another playful tease.180 So What Is There To Talk About? The pace of conversation should always be flowing. but you should be going into the conversation with a mental list of things to talk about. I have found that in most cases my targets have been weary when it comes to talking about online dating. If you feel so inclined to. Work is generally a boring topic and a strong negative stigma is attached when people talk about it. once you have successfully reached the phone stage. An excessive amount of compliments will sometimes lead the target to get uncomfortable or. 180 . People generally hate talking about work. 2. you should completely forget about talking about this aspect unless of course they bring it up. there is a negative stigma attached to online dating and things get awkward if your person is sensitive about the topic. 3.
Are you clear and do you enunciate your words? Are you talking too fast or too slow? Does your tonality change to keep things interesting while you’re talking? When I deal with men who are having troubles picking up women. Look at your targets profile and see what their interests are and talk about them! Talk about your interests. confident. Talk about funny things you and your friends did recently or some funny drama that’s going within your social circle. etc. Recall the chapter on talking about your passions – this can be very attractive. Talk about the places you’ve been to. Women are generally into fashion and pop culture. and funny. Always keep it positive! What you talk about is also just as important as how you say it. You’re still trying to sell yourself! Keep it positive. The way you say things is important. Be cocky.) Anything that puts you in a negative light. I can immediately target their speech as a significant problem. but you need to be good enough so that you appear like a 181 . Remember back to the first chapter. TV shows. Talk about music.181 even worse. movies. Talk about places you want to go. You don’t necessarily have to be a professional public speaker. You can get away a whole deal with just focusing upon hobbies. These are all fun and interesting topics that you can talk about – usually everyone has an interest in one of these fields. lose attraction for you. 4. You can talk about sports if you’re into it.
Many pick up artists will advocate the use of pre-canned pick up lines and “threads” – while this is beneficial. Good pick up artists in general will say that this is irrelevant. Pre-canned threads and lines are useful for beginners as they can practice them as much as possible without fail. You have to plan your transitions early and express it through words. On the phone it can be quite different. but in the real world. Usually topic change in a person to person conversation in real life comes very naturally. it is also highly dependent on the chemistry between the two people. On the phone. however.182 cool and collect person. This can only be achieved through practice. you should aim to raise your confidence level in general in the phone game. it does have a slight impact. Transitions in real life are accompanied by facial expression and body language which makes things quite natural. This can make things awkward. You want to avoid long pauses in between topic changes. 182 . However. Performing a transition from a topic to another routine does take practice to make it seem seamless and natural. To a very small degree. at the end of the day. it is purely verbal. it is much more important to work on the psychological frame first. The Transition Good conversationalists will do transitions so naturally without even thinking. Another important aspect of talking on the phone is your transitions between topics.
Everything else leads up to your Call to Action – or simply. you should sound like you have a goal in mind. What not to do… “Hey. You’re probably going to say ‘no’ to me like all the other girls that I have asked. You can walk all over me. It’s game over already. I think we should go out for some tea sometime?” “I’ll make some time for you if you want to go out and grab some coffee! I know you’re busy.” Don’t have this approach! When you are performing a call to action. the setting up of the first meet! There is a very specific way to do this. Eliminate the sexual threat and call it a get together! 183 . I’m so insecure. so…maybe you would like to go out for coffee sometime?” “If you aren’t busy. A lot of people make the mistake of asking the question in a weak and insecure fashion.” What’s the translation? “I’m weak.” There’s too much connation that you want to avoid by using that word. Also. Dating infers that there is potential to eventually “go out” eventually. from now on you will never ever call the first get-together a “date.183 Your “Call to Action” and Ending the Phone Call The Call to Action is the purpose of the phone call.
” Example #2 “I’m not going to be available tomorrow. but I will be on Wednesday afternoon. Remember. When you are about to set up a first meet. let’s analyze the call to action here. Let’s grab some tea Monday after work.” Alright. Let’s grab some tea?” Example #3 “I’m really busy this weekend. This shows that you aren’t a clingy freak and that you have a life. by 184 .184 Key Example Example #1 “What’s your schedule like? Let’s go out for coffee on Saturday! I can’t Friday – I have a ton of plans. there is generally two parts to it. First you must declare your unavailability to your target.
Quick Tip Performing the call to action is much more important than setting up just meetings from the phone. Don’t go out on an excursion with a target if you don’t know what you’re doing – know what you’re going to do and decide on it and present it in a clear and decisive manner. There are no “maybes” or any “ums” – it’s simply declaring what’s going to happen as opposed to leaving it up to your target to decide. The second part of the call to action is being decisive. Start making decisions! Always plan ahead. This is what is generally very undesirable – when people can’t make decisions or they always leave things up in the air. By doing so. you raise your social standing versus your target and thus. you are declaring that you have “better things to do” which raises your survival and replication value. Notice the latter part of the examples. You should integrate the decisiveness elsewhere when interacting with members of the opposite sex.185 announcing your unavailability. you will be more attractive. You decide for them. 185 . Always do this and never forget.
if your target asks you what kind of food you want to go eat.” “I can’t wait to see you tonight. period. text messages must be generally quite short. allow me to change your mind. By doing this you not only show that you have a will of your own. And yes – they are from girls. Therefore in each and every message you send you have to get right to the point! Text messaging conversations may seem tedious and pointless to some of your conservatives out there.” This is a sign of weakness. don’t get any ideas! If you don’t text message or one of those people who just don’t like text messaging.” “Let’s go grab some food then you can do whatever you want to me after. I’m not kidding. . So how can you 186 . Always have an opinion. period. People who are successful know what they want – show off this trait by performing the call to action Text Messaging – The Most Underrated Part of Your Game! “I need a booty call right now. baby. First of all.)” These are some of the many text messages that I have on my phone right now. but it subtly shows off intelligence and leadership. but it is fun and I find many girls love it. never say “I don’t know” or “whatever you want. given the technology of text messaging at the moment.186 For example. Text messaging is one of the easiest ways to build attraction.
) Keep the pace of the conversation in mind! Texting is indeed quite a task.) Text messaging is indeed difficult. however like I always say.” Every text message you send must provoke a response and must be “content-rich” – I’m saying that you should constantly be maintaining your funny and cocky frame throughout each and every text message while provoking a response from your target. First of all. nothing beats practice. It’s not as simple as just sending a quick message on AIM or MSN as you can use a fullsized keyboard for that. you will get used to you it. However. People are generally quite forgiving when text messaging. text message conversations with short-intervals can 187 . I personally can text message extremely fast since I do it so much. 3. Plus. Second of all. It’s one of those forms of communication where it’s actually quite easy to start a conversation. Tools like T9 and phone pads like the ones on Blackberries can help you out a lot. 2. but it doesn’t hurt to invest the extra two seconds to capitalize those letters and dot your periods.) Make sure each and every text message has enough quality “content. performing a call to action on text message is really easy. everyone who likes text messaging loves to receive text messages. never forget your punctuation and grammar! If you text enough. Here are some quick tips for helping your text messaging game! 1.187 build attraction in this department? Quite easily.
Your target has no idea what you could be doing at that time. Text messaging while in one of these so-called “boring” locations is extremely effective. So take some breaks. I’m done with this chick. petty little things! 4.188 be very annoying if you’re doing something important. 188 . Just end with something like. 6. you’re an extremely high valued individual that doesn’t have time for small.) Take your time. “Okay. This is another great thing about text messaging! You have the luxury of time behind you. You can easily set up a phone call from this position.” and follow up on it. Not only are you guaranteed a response most of the time. This is another beauty about text messaging – if you don’t reply for an extended period of time. people understand.) The Call to Action is easily set up from here. Remember. but you can easily light up their mood.) It’s actually very effective to text message your target when you know they’re at work or in class. I’ll call you in 5 minutes. That means you can take as much time as you want to come back with something quality – witty and confident! 5. Send a text message and don’t reply for even up to half an hour or more. It’s a win-win situation.
there is a very high chance of success for the first date. All your online pickup interactions should generally follow up with the phone game – if it doesn’t. Remember my Phone Game exercise at the start of my chapter! Perform this on a weekly basis if you need to. 189 . the tips I give on making first contact and instant messaging generally lead up to this point – if you can reach the Phone Game and execute it properly. It is almost needless to say that at least for the majority of the people I have taught. You will get better and become more comfortable with talking to “strangers” on the phone – you will eventually translate this confidence onto your Phone Game. your first meet will be much more awkward.189 Phone Game Conclusion The Phone Game is the make or break area of your online pickup. The Phone Game effectively breaks tension – destroys any notion of the aforementioned “creepiness” and can create a lot of attraction.
there are a few distinct advantages.) There are a lot more attractive people on these websites. one of the most difficult challenges to overcome is to eliminate the threat of being a sexual threat. Why? First of all. some of them are really not looking for a hook up where in dating sites. in-turn. Therefore.190 C hapter Nineteen | Non-Dating Social Websites (Facebook!) Here is the biggest difference that you will encounter when trying to pick up men and women on non-dating sites. 1. On social networking sites. this threat is significantly less. These websites also gives you much better chances of meeting other people via networking. and the same goes for attractive men. However. the main purpose of these sites is to make friends. Attractive women online will most definitely get hit on all the time by guys. This will. On dating websites.) There is no perceived threat of being picked up. 2. people are there specifically looking for a potential mate. affect your approach strategy. Although picking up women on these websites is a fair bit harder than on dedicated dating websites. there are many. many. many more options on these websites. the default reaction to a message received on a social 190 . I almost only deal with picking up women on these types of websites. Right now.
Hi5. it is impossible to outline which ones are the “best.) Social networking websites aren’t just about picking up potential mates. it also is one of the best ways to make friends! With the approach I will outline for picking up mates on these websites.. Remember. therefore.) There is the option to add new applications to your profile on some social networking websites.” I would generally recommend searching for the most popular ones. Websites like Facebook. it will also leave an open ended option at the end for friendship. etc.191 networking website like Facebook. which are an open source. have the option to add specific applications to your profile that are geared towards online dating. is to read it. Let’s look at what you have to do differently to achieve success in this segment! 191 . The work involved to generate a simple response is much less. So you are now well-versed on how to pick up girls and guys on online dating websites. of course. You can also hide these applications from your profile! 4. the more friends you have. This is a significant advantage of this. Nexopia. This segment of Facebook is constantly changing. 3. the more options you will inevitably encounter in the future.
the better it is for your perceived social value. needless to say. Many people will judge your social prowess on how many wall posts you have on your wall. no attractive looking pictures. you can immediately pose as a non-threat.. much more work you must do to achieve an attractive profile page. that you are adventurous. the more “wall posts” you can get. And in turn. People who have a lot of pictures (say for example again in Facebook. depending on the quality of these photographs. etc. in Facebook there is the Facebook Wall. it will be much easier when you approach your target online. The aforementioned picture section is also a key to your success. It is creepy. By qualifying your profile to the acceptable standards. that you have friends that know how to have a good time. Let’s review some ways to help optimize your social networking profile. people with many “tagged” pictures) are considered to be much more socially adept as well. Needless to say. Picture yourself as an attractive woman getting messages from a man who has no friends. there are so many more factors that are critical to your success. etc. All these rules apply to your social networking website.192 Your Social Networking Profile There is. The amount of comments that you have in your “profile pictures” section is also another indicator. Each one of these social networking websites has a public comments section. 192 . For example. Refer back on how to make an attractive online dating profile. It portrays that you go out. However.
2.193 1. Drop a line to all your close friends! You will get comments in return. They will appear in your profile! This will drive much more traffic to your profile.” you will not receive any comments in return. 3. One of the best ways to increase traffic to your profile is to integrate humor into all of your posts – especially on photographs! 4.) Add all of your friends! Needless to say. tendency will have it that they will reciprocate. you will increase the traffic to your profile.) Upload as many quality pictures as you can. the more attractive you will be. The more you comment on your friend’s profile pictures. refer to my section on how to take a good picture of yourself. Social networking websites are now a significant factor for your personal social status. and that you’re smiling. Use this to your advantage! Tag photographs of yourself. If you do not comment on anyone else’s “wall. Facebook has one of the most advanced photograph networking capabilities. This will also increase the chances of you meeting 193 . etc. You can delete all these messages from your mini-feed if you so wish. the bigger number of friends you have. Many people in Facebook also like to reduce their news feeds to a bare minimum. It can be argued that it is not attractive to see someone writing on everyone’s wall.) Keep your profile active. By keeping your profile active. Again.) Use the comments section on your friend’s photos. Make sure your body language is in check.
194 . etc.) Keep your profile pictures fresh. there will be an option to “Discover people you may now. This step should not be overlooked. but you should regularly change your profile picture once every few days. Under the “Friends” section at the top of your bar. Keep everything to a bare minimum. 8. Websites that keep their content dynamic and up-to-date obviously get more traffic – the exact same rule applies here. 7. Always keep your profile pictures new. One of the greatest pet peeves many people have when it comes to social networking websites. Don’t overdo this step.. the more unneeded graphics there are. there is a tool to help you find more friends. The more applications you add. Don’t add unnecessary fluff into your profiles.) Always try and find new friends using the tools given in your social networking site. I am always look for new people to talk to on these social networking websites – on Facebook. for example. the slower your profile will be to navigate.) Make your profile user-friendly.” Constantly keep this section in check. I regularly find new friends here. 6.) Restrain from changing your “status” too often.194 other people online through networking! 5.
need friends you have on your profile.195 Fan Question Dear Derek. needless to say. The more . the better off you are and the more fun 195 . CO ____________________________ Dear Vaho. I believe Facebook is the largest. In my region. I prefer using Facebook. There seems to be a plethora of these social network sites lately. I was Vaho C. it is the most popular social networking website. This is somewhat difficult to assess. Personally. Denver. just wondering what you think is the best social networking social-networking site? I am confused as to which one I should join. You really need to ask your friends and see what they use. In terms of popularity.
Definitely not a great place for picking up targets unless you want some time in jail. Another reason I like Facebook is that given that it is open source. the crowd is a bit young.196 you’ll have. That means there will inevitably be a ton of great content available to be made for it. like I said. I am referring to the online dating applications. And yes. Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game 196 . Remember. generally. but I find. you can always hide those Facebook applications if you don’t want people knowing about them! Nexopia and Bebo are great as well.
That is. 197 . However. you are not using online-dating web applications that you can add on to Facebook. picking up targets on websites like Facebook is a lot different if you’re going for a clean approach. the more anxiety you build up (the more anxiety your target builds up). like I said earlier. Therefore. you must almost immediately establish hard contact. That is.197 C hapter Twenty| How to Deal with Messages on Non-Dating Social Websites We have extensively covered the pick-up routine on dating websites. and the more awkward and “creepy” feeling your first encounter will be. like I outlined in my instant messaging chapter. For the clean approach. It is similar to the well-known “3-Second Rule” for picking up girls at bars. you must acknowledge that people are signed up on that website primarily not to date. Adding Friends – Real Ones! Let’s start off with some basic rules – if you add a “friend” of the opposite sex that you are interested in. The longer you wait. you should immediately break the tension and break the ice. your approach must be drastically different.
You still need to keep your first message short and sweet.) Try and recall how you met this person. Playfully making fun of your target will still get you far. 198 . There are a few things to keep in mind. It matters to a great degree how you present it. Basically. Attractive girls on these websites receive several messages on these websites a day. or the last time you saw them (if you can). start an opening message before you add your target as a friend. This legitimates your contact with this person. Briefly. You should try and refer or allude to a past event that you spent with this person. 1. however. So What Should You Say? This is where the pickup rules change on social networking websites. but it will look like there is a definite motive you are trying to fulfill. Even better. You still need to setup a nice hoop for them to jump through. not only do you convey a great deal of confidence. Spelling and grammar is still vital. Humor is still vital in this area as well.198 By establishing contact right away. Starting off with a real life anecdote will legitimate your message. refer to the chapter on establishing first contact on dating websites.
Example #2 “Aren’t you that girl in my class that asks all the funny questions?” Follow up with your routine. you’re that girl that was wearing that weeeeeeird shirt the other night. but I think I might have seen you at Megan’s Birthday Party the other night. All my friends were like.. You were the one that was completely psycho and wasted! Scary sight... Example #3 “Hey.. I hope you aren’t like that all the time. ‘Wtf?! What the hell was she wearing?’ But it was nice 199 ..199 Key Example Example #1 “I could be wrong.” Follow up with your routine..
... you look like someone who could answer this question! So this girl kisses my friend.. you definitely look like someone who can answer this.. Example #4 (Recommended. but you get the drift..but her new boyfriend totally wants her to get rid of it. staying too long in the rapport building phase online is highly detrimental and will limit your chances of meeting the person face 200 .. so my friend’s got this box of pictures of her and her ex.” Follow up with your routine..is that cheating? Example #5 (Recommended) Hey.) The above are clearly just examples. Do you think she should? 2. and he has a girlfriend. Same as online dating section) Hey... Maintain this cocky but funny attitude throughout your message and keep that final goal in mind – to take it off the website! Remember.200 meeting you that night.
you’ll be just another creep. If you don’t have a good reason.. There are several “reasons” you could message a target. you could ask a question about something going on in it. 4. the call to action. just as I have outlined earlier. at this point you aren’t even interested in him or her. 201 .. however. Or at least portray that! Again.) Remember. Eg. If you’ve seen them at a club somewhere. There must be. There are obviously an infinite number of reasons you can come up with.) All first messages must have a PURPOSE! Remember that you need to have a reason to message a girl. you can ask them if they found a cell phone that you lost that night. On social-networking websites. the objective isn’t so clear. If they are in one of your classes. 3. the first message does not allude to any “sexual threat” of any kind. the objective is clear – you’re trying to build rapport and potentially set up a date.201 to face.. Women on these websites need to feel like they’re not being hit on. “Message me back!” The point is. Saying “hi” just doesn’t cut it online.. you need to have a reason why you’re messaging your targets. On an online dating website. but you need to make at least one.
you could effectively attract them better than their own boyfriend or girlfriend ever will! It’s certainly possible... There is absolutely nothing stopping you from opening a routine with a target that is not single. And it’s certainly much more fun. Not by a long shot. enter a zone of comfort. and then seduce.” The general reaction to profiles with a “taken” relationship status would be to bail – give up. as I have experienced this is not always the case).at least not yet.not all of these users are single! At least on internet dating websites. now with the information that you’ve been exposed to. Should you? No.202 People Who Aren’t Single Here’s another problem that is encountered on these websites . Maybe. You will actually be shocked by how often men and women will be willing to cheat on their boyfriend or girlfriend if you know how to effectively make contact with them. Most people will see the relationship status as “taken”. 1.or we’ve all seen the infamous “Bobby Scott and Charlene Townsen are now in a relationship. They don’t want to feel like that they’re doing something wrong.) Remember. Don’t get this order 202 . You must build attraction first. Do they know you are trying to pick them up? How do you know he/she is happy with their relationship? Maybe their relationship has become boring. you generally can safely assume that the person you’re contacting is single (however. it is extremely important in the first message that you do not convey that you are interested! Here is what non-singles fear...
.) The art of attracting someone who is in a relationship is not all that different. You will have to exchange a lot more messages than normal – usually to build enough comfort. Again. Therefore. the person you are targeting will have no choice but to feel attracted to you. If you try and seduce too early.203 mixed up. you need to exchange about 5-6 long messages before building a good amount of comfort. If you pose as a highly sexual receptive individual. they will have many options to choose from.. and they are an attractive individual. Pose as your usual confident self. In many ways. However. If a person is single. it is almost easier to attract someone who is in a relationship. you must build a sufficient amount of attraction first before moving into the seduction phase.) The process in seducing a person with a girlfriend or boyfriend simply takes longer. This is where the old method of “IOI’s” comes in handy. There are a number of ways to do this.usually. do not pose as a sexual threat. More on this later. 3. the largest problem that is posed in picking up women and men with boyfriends or girlfriends is the guilt factor. if a person is in a committed relationship. As said previously. First is to help them out with 203 . 2. it will simply be over. they will only have one person to compare you to.
1. “I’m good. you?” question. Here is a list of some of these indicators. 2. I’m talking about completely independent questions such as “so.” then you will know exactly what I mean when I say they need to display a massive amount of online “indicator of interests” before asking them for a first meet. I’m not talking about the usual. So benefit them a little while showing that you are confident and have a lot to offer! Whatever You Do.) They start asking you questions. Don’t Jump The Gun This is a very common error many people make – they ask for a first meeting much too early. Remember the meaning of friendship? Mutual benefit. you generally are in a good territory. When they say “lol” or “haha” and follow up with another set of comments.) They laugh and follow up with a comment. what 204 .204 a relationship problem – but be careful. 3.) They begin to increase their pace of conversation. Asking too early will blow your chances of getting a first meet in most cases – you need to know exactly when to ask! If you’ve ever heard of the term “Indicators of Interest. don’t act as their advisor and do this too much – you will be looked up as a friend-type figure and not relationship/sex material. But you are in essence trying to build up a very minor friendship.
Remember. at this point you guys are still “buddies” – all you’re trying to do is establish a meet to begin the real. However. 205 . You should most definitely initiate the Phone Game first and go from there. 7. you can anticipate your call to action very soon.) They begin using humour.) They compliment you! 6. asking for a one on one meet right away from a target on a social networking site is pushing it.205 are your plans for the night?” 4. The general rule of thumb is if they show you five of these indicators in a single IM session. hard attraction. Really.) They start making fun of you in a very playful manner. your Call to Action from these social networking sites isn’t the same as ones from online dating. 5.) They generally begin to talk much more and invest more time in their messages.
” though. The first meet has the most anxiety involved and by choosing a public locale. how you should do your hair.) The classic coffee shop.” The presence of strangers gives the ego a bit of security! So what are some examples of good-memorable first dates? 1. you are conveying that you aren’t a “creep. The first impression is not to be underestimated at all. Don’t make it a giant trip. This is a nice. etc. Too boring you say? BS. public location where real attraction can be built. No.206 C hapter Twenty One| The First Date Let me tell you right now – the first five minutes of the date will dictate how the next hour will be. Pick a coffee shop that’s unique and close-by. I don’t necessarily mean comfy. I am not going to go through grooming. soft couches – I mean somewhere extremely public. This should all be well within your knowledge by now. 206 . The First-Date Location Never call it a “date. There’s too much connotation behind this term! It is essential that you pick a “comfortable” comfort-building location.
Anything like this is horrible. Now. Nothing too fancy.” The possibilities are really endless here. The First Impression This is where the make or break occurs. many may argue that your comfort level with the other person will increase due to the close proximity for a long period of time.) The mall or any shopping center. Men – refer to my style guide out there. It is obvious that dressing up for the occasion is essential here – do not overdress. this is probably more suitable for a third or fourth meeting – definitely not the first. Remember this is important so you reduce the sexual “threat. you are building a passive relationship built up on nothing. Of course you need to avoid the infamous movie theatre date. However.) Small restaurant. In that time you are watching the movie.207 2. 207 . you could be building attraction. Instead. just a small simple restaurant for lunch – not dinner! 3. Play the role that you’re looking for something and that you could use some help. Yes. it is needless to say that appearance obviously plays a large role here.
this isn’t really body language.208 Here’s a quick review of the Body Language check list. slightly pointed outwards? How’s the overall look? Does it look natural? 208 .) Are my eyes droopy or are they bold? Am I smiling? Are my shoulders square? Is my chest sticking out (make sure this looks naturally . Is my back upright and straight? Are your hips square? Are your feet planted on the ground firmly.this should work in conjunction with your straight back. but it doesn’t hurt to check. How’s my hair? (Okay.
2. it subcommunicates a significant amount of value! Immediately Break the Tension The anxiety just right before the first meet is usually at its highest. It can be extremely nerve-racking and highly uncomfortable if the tension isn’t broken almost immediately. Every now and then. Starting off with a very playful jab is an amazing tension breaker. 1. I can’t stress body language enough! Body language may not seem like a big deal – however. Take care that this isn’t too offensive 209 . “Wow! You’re a lot shorter than in your picture!” This particular one is very versatile.. picture that you are being videotaped. For example. Always smile – you could not be doing anything else and smile and it would immediately ease the tension. Picture what it would look like on the camera.. The thing is the tension can be broken extremely easily except some people just really have no idea how.) Just smile.) Open with a ‘neg’.209 Here’s a great way keep your body language in check. The mechanics work the exactly the same as in the Phone Game.
210 otherwise you will be off on a horrible footing. Key Example Example #1 “Haha – what is that? Is that a scarf?” Example #2 “Is that a puke-brown shirt you’re wearing? What is that? Haha!” Example #3 “Oh. I love how Rolex makes plastic watches these days. Here are some other great examples of tensionbreakers. The comment on height is the one I use most often if it is applicable.” 210 .
what perfume is that? It’s so strong. launch the discussion of another issue. Smile and laugh while you’re saying it. or even a punch-line. The delivery of your objective must be clear upon delivery. Telling a good story in-person (I do not mean online) takes a tremendous amount of skill.” The possibilities here are endless. if you get laid or not. The Art of Story-Telling How do you tell an amazing story? What kind of body language is used when telling an amazing story? What kind of language are you using when you’re telling and interesting story? There are so many nuances involved when telling a good story. you will always realize at the end that there is some final 211 . It could take form of a moral. If you’ve ever had a conversation with someone that knows how to tell any amazing story.211 Example #4 “Wow. But comments such as these really break the tension – as long as it is said in a very playful manner. What elements are involved when telling a good story? Stories must have a point or main objective. Stories that have no point just simply fall flat. leaving people wondering what to do next. and ultimately. but this skill alone can be responsible for how people treat you.
212 entertaining aspect to it. and free of any extraneous “fluff” while being descriptive enough to hold the image and entertain.” The latter is definitely the more desirable statement. needless to say it can pose quite a difficult task. I am referring to the tonality of the voice and its volume.. Plan the story out! Make sure there is an objective and work towards it. being too descriptive can just result in something dry and boring. The vocabulary used to tell a good story should not only be clear. Your language must be precise. However.” “I had such a crazy-ass drive to Ashley’s house this morning. make you think. or provoke a strong response. It is just downright much more interesting than the first statement. but very precise.. especially in a group setting. There is a distinct difference between the following two statements. It will make you laugh. If you tell a story that does not do this. “I had a good drive to Ashley’s house. people generally make this out to be a lot more complicated that it is. clear. at the same time. The second element involved in telling a good story is the enthusiasm level. When I mean enthusiasm. Obviously. It is more descriptive. it will look horrible on you. It has a humorous flare. and obviously if you’re trying to have a conversation with someone in a language that isn’t your first. The use of adjectives gives the story a much more “visual” characteristic. 212 . However. Some people simply have a natural talent for this.
your enthusiasm should generally peak at the end of an interesting story while you are ending with the “punch line” or the aforementioned objective of your story. You’re sick of hearing me saying it. Never leave anyone out! You should also never be leaning towards your audience. This should never happen in the beginning stages of conversation. Just sit back and looked relax – especially if you’re on a date.213 using enthusiasm is important when trying to pain a vivid image of a story. but body language must work in conjunction with your story to keep your audience involved. If you are talking to a group of people. 213 . It poses too much of a threat. One of the biggest problems men do when they’re talking to women is that they lean forward towards them while talking. However. just looked relax and unfazed. If you’re sitting down. Simply put. relaxed. Always smile when you’re telling a story that is entertaining. Generally speaking. you should constantly be making eye-contact with all the members of your audience. you must be using the right amount of enthusiasm at the right times. Using a high amount of enthusiasm throughout a single story will ruin the effect of using enthusiasm at all. keep your shoulders back with your legs either crossed or slightly widened apart.
It should generally “escalate” as the comfort and rapport is being built. Key Example Example #1 Girl: I am totally the best at bowling. I split it into three general phases. Direct contact with the hand too early can be deemed as “too aggressive” by some standards. Remember. Let’s jump right to some examples to get a better understanding of this. This is one of my personal favourite things to do when trying to build comfort rapidly. But starting the kino-escalation with indirect physical contact while building rapport is an effective way to not only destroy tension but build a rapid amount of physical comfort. The first type of kino-escalation is contact with physical objects. Kino-escalation refers to the periodic physical contact throughout an interaction. You wouldn’t have a chance! 214 .214 Comfort-Building or “Kino-Escalation” This is another well known technique to increase comfort. in this situation you are still in the comfort-building phase. There is a very specific way to undergo this type of periodic physical contact.
Again. Remember. sure you are! I would totally kick your ass any day. Touching costs money. you dork! That will be 5 dollars. If you said that above statement in a serious demeanor. missy! (As this is said. This is important. please. you nudge your target 215 . you are posing as “the prize.) Guy: Whoa. While this is happening.215 Guy: Oh. let’s pretend the girl is still the target in this scenario.” Remember the Prize Theory in chapter 3? This is mentality you’re trying to portray. that the delivery of these lines is extremely important. missy. you lightly hit her arm with a napkin as she’s laughing) Do you see where this is headed? Just a light little tap with any object you have will suffice. Be playful! Example #3 (You see a ridiculous looking man walk by. no-touching. In this scenario. Make sure you do it while she is laughing. it would be passed off as genuinely arrogant which can be a sign of insecurity. Example #2 (Contact is made accidentally by your target on you.
by association. they will relate it to your physical touching. The key to the early stages of kino-escalation is to make contact with your target while they are reaching positive peaks in their emotions. He’s dead sexy.) Guy: Hey! Look at this one.216 with your elbow and start laughing. hey? The mechanics behind this one is simple. The reason behind this is psychological conditioning. By touching them while they are enjoying themselves. This builds a tremendous amount of comfort by itself. 216 . or reaching positive stimulation. You are making contact with the elbow which is non-sexual body part.
Shane! Kino escalation is probably one of the hardest steps Kino-escalation when it comes to the comfort comfort-building and seduction. Stage one kino is n. 217 . That being said. How often should I engage in kino? extremely uncomfortable when engaging in kino. Fresno. it is essential. Thanks for the great question. CA ____________________________ Dear Shane.217 Fan Question Dear Derek. Sometimes I feel Shane Y. kino-escalation. And while it takes awhile to master the art of kino. I’ve found your section on the first date the most useful! However. the target should not feel uneasy by any means. if you are initiating stage one kino-escalation. Be patient – you will need to review the list of IOIs I have outlined later in the chapter extensively. I did have a question relating to kino escalation.
as a rule of thumb. A lot of people. stage one kino is vital – however. Remember that the earlier stages of kino are all about raising the comfort level. approximately once every three minutes. In stage one kino. However. You should be receiving IOIs at this point if you are doing it correctly. Sooner or later. simply just slightly tone it down and raise the playfully jabbing. That is. if you are uncomfortable while doing kino because you are receiving a bad vibe from your target. kino-escalation will soon be accepted and you can easily build from then on. contact should not be stressed at all. if you are doing things correctly. The goal here is to be non-threatening. Derek Lamont Author of The Online Game 218 . contact with other objects (such as the napkin in example one) or non-sexual body parts (such as the elbow in the example three). it should not look as if it is vital. eye-contact while performing kino in stage one should be rare at best. Indeed. you should have the ability to do it quite frequently. There is no sexual connotation behind this touching. If you are performing stage one kino correctly. they shouldn’t. The way kino is performed is extremely important too.218 characterized by non-threatening physical contact. put way too much stress and care into this stage of kino when in fact. That is. especially males. In fact.
they follow) If you receive at least 7 of these IOIs in one sitting. or better-known by the seduction community as IOI’s or “Indicators of Interest. but signs of interest in you. I don’t mean feedback as in verbal compliments. Laughter Your target re-initiates conversation after a period of silence Your target compliments you Your target initiates kino with you Your target appears jealous when you mention something about a person of the opposite sex than you She makes eye contact with you then smiles (if your target is female) Your target leans towards you while talking to you Your target faces you directly when talking to you She starts playing with her hair (if your target is a girl) The target has a tendency to want to stay close to you (that is.219 The second stage of kino-escalation can be characterized be an increased amount of physical touching. the second stage of kino can only be initiated when you have received enough positive feedback from your target. Stage one kino should be used as much as possible. you are generally good to go to initiate the heavier stage of kino. However. if you walk away.” Here is a list of the most well-known IOI’s. Now that a general foundation of comfort has been 219 .
While you do this.) 220 . Let’s jump right into some examples of stage two kino-escalation. deliberately walk in the ‘inside’ first – the side farthest from the road. around to the other side so you are now positioned closer to the road. Walk for a few seconds. Key Example Example #1 (If you are walking down the sidewalk with your target. it is essential to increase the kino intensity to continue building attraction. lightly grab her upper arm lightly while your position yourself.220 built (if all is going well). Then switch sides with her – going from behind.
Keep a close eye on your IOIs! If you are not receiving enough of these. I think my friend needs help! (As you say this. 221 . While doing this. so I totally want you to stand here. just do it gently.. You can block the sun for me. it is not okay to continue. (Your phone starts to ring. this is a really important call. Don’t do this too harshly. I am going to.) Let’s analyze the differences here. As you can see.) Example #3 Girl: So anyways. look at her and smile briefly. grab her arm and slowly move her into place. The kino has stepped it up in terms of intimacy.221 Example #2 Guy: Okay. This is where the attraction phase really builds up. just lightly grab her forearm to grab her attention to stop talking. (While you say this. the physical touching has increased a bit in sexual intensity..) Guy: One second.
you’re maintaining your confident frame. you’re keeping your body language in check. you’re telling detailed and amazing stories. you’re slowly increasing kino-escalation. and you’re having a great time! 222 .222 First Date Closing Remarks Hopefully by this point your date has been filled with good times.
Confidence does not only work wonders in the realm of attraction. It is the focal point of success and I truly believe this.223 C hapter Twenty Two| The Final Notes Congratulations I’d like to take the time to congratulate you on finishing this course. It is in my best interest for you to succeed. This book isn’t about just online dating or just dating in general – I hope it has impacted the way you view life as well. If you apply yourself fully. I’d also like to take this time to thank you for purchasing my product. but in every facet of everything you do. you will succeed – no matter who you are. 223 .
It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.
-George S. Patton
If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
-St. Clement of Alexandra
Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.
The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.
-Arthur C. Clarke
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.
Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.
Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action.
You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind.
The best way out is always through.
Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
-William B. Sprague
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.
Fortune favors the brave.
He who hesitates is lost.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We are still masters of our fate.
We are still captains of our souls.
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
For hope is but the dream of those that wake.
Constant dripping hollows out a stone.
Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose-a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.
228 This E-Book May Not Be Re-Distributed Or Sold In Any Way.com 228 . Comments? Suggestions? Anything? E-mail me! derek@onlinepickupsecrets. This Book Is A Copyright of The Online Game: Internet Attraction System.
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