1 “MEDICINE MAN” EVAN MCCARTY CAST CARL - Policeman JACKSON – Detective CONNELLY – Detective, First day

(JACKSON and CONNELLY enter hospital room. CARL is already present, a dead body lies on the floor.) CARL: Alright, here he his, sir. We left him just the way we found him. JACKSON: Thank you, officer. We’re just going to take a look around. Go and speak with the neighbors. Let us know if anything interesting turns up. CARL: Will do. (CARL leaves) CONNELLY: Looks like a pretty open and shut case. Guy died in the middle of the night. Looks like he had a heart attack. His face is contorted in pain. A horrible way to go. But, the doctor says it’s natural. (begins to leave) JACKSON: (matter-of-factly) No, no. Please. Things are not always as they seem. CONNELLY: Well, it seems like no one would come into the hospital room of an 83 year old man and force him to eat red meats until his heart failed… not that it would take that much. JACKSON: (Laughing) Oh, please. This is your first case. You have no idea what people will do to try to get away with murder.(focusing on object) But, they always leave some evidence behind.(yelling to outside) Get someone in here. I need some fingerprint analysis.

2 CARL: (coming in) Yes? What do you need detectives? JACKSON: Have this spoon run through the lab. Check it for fingerprints. Run a diagnostic mRNA helicase tomography on the handle? I think this may have been involved in something. CONNELLY: I don’t think there’s such a thing as a… diagnostic mRNAJACKSON: (interrupting) You’re in the big leagues. It’s all real now. Nothing but the best for the Royal Oak Police Department. We’re Michigan’s best. It’s about time you started acting like that, Connelly. Doug? Take this away. CARL: It’s Carl, actually. JACKSON: Fine. I was close. Take this to the lab.(hands object to CARL, he leaves) CONNELLY: Oh, look at this. This might be interesting. It looks like some kind of personal journal. Notes, thoughts, things of that nature. We should have somebody look through it. JACKSON: What a novice eye you have, young rookie. That is obviously a device left to foil our tracks. CONNELLY: (out to hallway) Carl? Have them look through this and see if there’s anything in there about suicide. Maybe motives for homicide? JACKSON: Negative. Have it run in a thorough bioptic conflagratic introspective dionoclepsy. I think it might turn up some better results. CARL: (enters, flustered) Of course, Detective (leaves with journal)

3 CONNELLY: Goddamn it, Jackson. It’s just a book. It needs to be read not subjected to whatever tests your sick mind can come up with. JACKSON: Please. I’m the expert here. And, I won’t take you under my wing if you just want to jolly about reading. CONNELLY: Reading evidence, Jackson! Maybe I should look for someone who doesn’t waste his time looking for fake clues and using phrases like ‘jolly-about’… I think we’re done here. JACKSON: (very dramatically) Not so fast, detective. You are young, and too dependent on others for your information. This man is a convict. You can tell by the way he was sitting in his bed. Dignified, yet weary of his surroundings. CONNELLY: That’s a horribly unfounded hypothesis. That’s just how hospital beds are-JACKSON: (upset) No! Do NOT interrupt me when I’m on a roll like this. (recomposes self) The note on the door suggests some animosity between him and the neighbors. That’s why I had Kevin ask around. CARL: (enters suddenly) It’s Carl. They barely even knew who he was. Despite his contentious celebrity status, this is the geriatric ward. And for the most part, they were pretty… comfortable with his policies. CONNELLY: Celebrity status? CARL: Yeah. Are you kidding me? This guy is Dr. Death. CONNELLY: Dr. Death? The assisted suicide guy?

4 JACKSON: Oh, if only it were that simple. This man was poisoned. Have his blood run through a metroscopic intravenous carnivorous tricyclical supercalifragilisticexpialidocious… test. Of some kind. CARL: No, sir. It wasn’t poison. He wasn’t even eating at the time. Most probably heart failure. Possibly some other disease. Slowly eating away at him. Bringing closer the inevitability of death and the emptiness of his own life (long pause) That’s what I think. JACKSON: I don’t care what you think. This man was murdered. The neighbors had a motive. I’m sure one of them was guilty. CONNELLY: The neighbors? The neighbors are 90 year old diabetic, arthritic life-be-gones. He was 83 years old. He had a good run and his clock ran out. The man died a perfectly normal, natural and unaided death. In all of its glory. JACKSON: NO! This cannot happen. Dr. Death cannot just die! He is a man of honor! Dignity! A leader of a movement. His death was surely a murder. Some evil from his past come back to haunt him. (storms out) CONNELLY: You take this shit from him every day? CARL: Yeah. The Kevins and the Craigs and the occasional Susan can’t get me down. CONNELLY: And what about his long-winded test names? CARL: Ah, we just take whatever he wanted and put it in a big box. He usually forgets about it. And in the off chance he doesn’t: (faking formal voice) “Oh, sorry sir. I thought you wanted a metro-carnal INTERcapulary inspection. Not, INTRAcapulary, sir.” CONNELLY: Ah, I see. (pause) So, what do you think? Murder? Or just another old man dying.

5 CARL: Oh, definitely just an old man dying. We were just supposed to come by and collect his things. But, Jackson likes to think he’s some kind of superhero detective. CONNELLY: Yeah. I imagine. (Examines body) Poor guy. What a way to go, eh? CARL: (laughing) Oh, look. He shit his pants. (Blackout)

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful