Copyright © 1973 by Jack Lee Rosenberg All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions First printing: February 1973, Second printing: December 1975, Illustrated by Joseph Jaqua Typeset by Vera Allen Composition Service, Castro Valley, California (special thanks to Vera and D o r o t h y ) Art Editor: Anne Kent Rush Special Editor: Pat Rosenberg Typist: Julanne Crockett Photograph of Jack Rosenberg by J o h n Pearson This book is co-published by Random House Inc. 201 East 50th Street New York, N.Y. 10022 and The Bookworks 2 0 4 3 Francisco Street Berkeley, California 94709 Distributed in the United States by Random House, and simultaneously published in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, T o r o n t o Please order from Random House. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Rosenberg, Jack Lee, 1932Total Orgasm. 1, RA788.R64 ISBN 0-394-48501-7 ISBN 0-394-73167-0 (pbk) Manufactured in the United States of America Exercise. 2. Orgasm. I. Title. 1,500 copies in cloth 50,000 copies in paperback 25,000 copies in paperback

613.7'1

72-12650

to Said

and a special thanks to Phil Curcuruto, my Reichian therapist, from whom I have gained a great deal of knowledge.

Preface to the Second Edition
Since the publication of T O T A L ORGASM in 1973 I have been very pleased with the response that readers have given me by mail and directly in my workshops. Many of the letters commented that the exercises and concepts outlined here were useful: to some they were earth-shattering. The greatest enthusiasm has come from therapists and counselors in the sexual field, who see this book as a reference or a guide to their work. This acceptance is most gratifying and rewarding to me. Thank y o u . My thanks also to Brev Sinclair who devised the chart of exercises found on page 214 in this edition. It should greatly simplify remembering the sequence of exercises and therefore make their practice easier. Jack Lee Rosenberg 1975

Spirituality and Orgasm How the Book Came to Be 1 7 13 21 29 37 99 109 163 173 187 199 209 .Contents In the Beginning Some Principles How to Work Breathing and Movement Orgasm Exercising Alone Preliminaries for Working with a Partner Working with a Partner Masturbation Joining Together How to Lose your Mind Religion and Sex .

which should be a great help both in giving at a glance an overview of the work and in providing a handy tear-out reference page to the structure of the work in progress. . found on page 214.Publisher's Note: This edition of Total Orgasm includes a chart of exercises.

I offer here a set of exercises which can do just that. and we are left with the pure pleasure of it. in order to go along with an orgasm. your orgasm will just happen. For many people. Given the right conditions. The book assumes that having an orgasm is a natural body event — much like sneezing . For others.and. you will body feelings which until now you may not have known you had. You will learn to use your breathing and certain movements to build tension and energy in your body in a pattern which simulates the movements that automatically precede an orgasm. a performance maybe. have to be present for complete orgasm. and they came together and begat children. As you practice this pattern. If you feel that your present sexual relationship is okay. good or excellent.the serious work of that coming together is removed. you have to know how to set up the right conditions. like many body events. there is a continual desire for more and deeper pleasure coupled with the nagging thought that there is no such thing. in fact. an obligation. begin to get in touch with excitement. normal. then this book may be for you. tension and other that. is a kind of reflex action. but you wish to explore the possibility of making it even better. sexual union is barren of pleasure. all you will have to do once the conditions are set up is go along with it. and we've been doing it ever since. As you 1 .In the Beginning there was a man and a woman. But now that peopling the earth is no longer an urgent goal — in fact it's rather frowned upon in some circles — . But. but barren of real personal pleasure.

but that fill your entire body and psyche. I have drawn into this book elements from Gcstalt awareness training. more pleasure than you could before. orgasms that will leave you nourished and fulfilled as never before. and that this very pushing blocked any intensity in the orgasm which resulted. orgasms which are not forced in any way. In fact. dance and movement therapies (primarily the work of Ann Halprin). 2 . the structural patterning concepts of Ida Rolf and Moshe Feldenkrais. " Many of these are certainly useful and valid. which can culminate in a complete involvement together in the enjoyment and It is possible . This book is not a sex manual and not a therapy or substitute for therapy. I will show you how to take this increased capacity with your partner for both total and excitement. but which are a natural body event. you will learn how to allow yourself to tolerate more excitement. All this energy is organized into the book.to have orgasms that are not limited in feeling to your genital area alone. pleasure Finally. plus my personal experience and experimentation as a therapist. I wondered where I could go to improve on "all right" and make it better. but after I had gotten comfortable with the conviction that anything is all right. some asanas (exercises) from Hatha Yoga. and join and physically — and to develop even more poetry of a excitement psychically orgasm.with time and practice . There are many books offering " 1 0 2 new positions" or urging us to drop our inhibitions and give ourselves permission to do " a n y t h i n g that feels o k a y .recreate this excitement again and again in your exercises. What I offer here is the result of my own search for answers to personal sex questions together with years of experience teaching the exercises at Gestalt awareness training workshops and with private patients. as you practice these exercises. basic body therapies such as that of Wilhelm Reich and bio-energetic therapy. you may come to see that previously you attained an orgasm by pushing on yourself.

He establishes a rule for himself. particularly in an orgasm. saying. The flow of movement leading to the orgastic reflex is like a dance. This allowed me to develop movements directly associated with the orgastic reflex. The key is the concept that until you are aware of what you this are doing you have no choice but to continue doing it. it is necessary to first become aware of what you are doing now. Once you can feel h o w you block yourself. you will have the option to change those blockages. The exercises in allow you to experience how you stop yourself from building book excitement and tension and pleasure during intercourse. who shared with me her work in rhythmic movement and breath timing. we acquire an overly limited idea of what we can be like and what we can do." or "I shall never understand mathematics. they may even influence his entire personality. he usually abandons the activity that he has found hard to master." T h e limits that he thus sets for himself will stop his development not only in fields that he has decided to abandon but also in other areas. " or "I am not sociable by nature. both with our lives and with our bodies.In Gestalt awareness we teach that in order to change any way of being. and I owe the greatest gratitude to Ann Halprin. or that has proved disagreeable in some way. "1 cannot learn to d a n c e . I have drawn from Dr. how you stop yourself. how you prevent yourself from actualizing your own potential. Moshe Feldenkrais the concept of "self-image": how because each of us behaves according to an image we have of ourselves. We emphasize taking responsibility for your own behavior by gaining awareness of what is happening. for instance. you will be able to begin to replace your image of an orgasm with your real experience. among other things. at which he has not succeeded. He translated many of Freud's psychological concepts . and we respond to that image of behavior more than to our feelings. a psychology of the body. The movement exercises in the book will allow you to experience the orgastic reflex as feelings. Wilhelm Reich spent his life developing. We learn how we are to behave in our sexual relations. a beautiful person and dancer. then you have a choice whether to continue what you are doing or change it. When the individual repeatedly experiences a certain difficulty.

He felt that you express psychic trauma in your b o d y through muscular patterns and tensions. positions 1 use are Yoga. found must hopelessly unrealistic. My viewpoint is that each person take the responsibility for his own sexual pleasure. These this attitude books all assume that if you follow steps one. Mountains of literature have been produced on the subject of sex. of allowing yourself to be relaxed. Orgasm is a reflex. some heavy t e x t b o o k s full of scientific data. that there can be no set procedure. and his therapy included working with a person's breathing to directly effect the autonomic or "vegetative" nervous system. since it takes many years to master. Many of the exercise from move in an unaccustomed way. Hatha Yoga is the yoga of the body. the yoga of achieving enlightenment through sexual union. I have drawn from Reich's work his theoretical way of seeing energy flow in the body. your sex life will blossom. it happens when either your psychological or your physiological setting is right (ideally b o t h ) . is for the most part not suited to Westerners. two and three. and the idea of developing tolerance to pleasurable feelings.into body concepts. along with these I borrow the attitude of allowing your body to The book is an eclectic collection of useful tools. I have pleasing a partner or just general information. but it contributes a theory of psychic joining that is useful to us here and which I will enlarge upon later. what holds them together is that they work. in view of individual differences. Each person must learn h o w to get in touch with his own feelings of sexual excitement and learn how to tolerate them and let them grow. It cannot be forced without inhibiting body pleasure. Tantric Yoga. . many sex manuals or how-to-do-it books offering the reader detailed instructions for having intercourse. it is the art of letting go slowly. then worked directly with these bodily expressions. some offering advice. and.

Although I have some results that an workshops to begin these exercises with how to be non-orgastic wish women helping experience multi-orgastic . While it is desireable to bring pleasure to a partner. show this book to your doctor before exercises will lead you to get in touch with feelings and will increase feels your breathing and your excitement.Most sex manuals tend to concentrate your attention upon pleasuring your partner.and with men who have trouble with premature ejaculation. Now let's begin. excitement prohibited. These which or psychotherapy that may be disturbed by arousing your feelings or excitement. but not your of sex. that is. . It can be injurious to both persons if it shifts the responsibility of excitement to someone or something else. don't do the exercises. the inability intercourse impossible. it is easy to fall into a "performance t r a p " where you find yourself always working to please the other person. . follow your doctor's advice. or any other problem that makes regular problems . In my experience. Such problems are beyond the scope of the book. SPECIAL HEALTH PROBLEMS if you psychological are currently such undergoing as heart in any treatment disease for where a serious any physical or is problem. this my them could work against using to your if your that in professional emotions doctor had therapist very good treatment. I want to show you how to give pleasure to yourself. and should be brought to the attention of a therapist. or if you are you begin. I to emphasize to achieve this is not a book for anyone who has severe sex erection. enjoyment this is a good means of increasing your tension. anyone who is suffering from continual impotence. .

It is important to realize that since you are trying to get in touch with your feelings. As you work on these exercises.Some Principles Your success with these exercises will be based on how much you can allow yourself to get in touch with your body sensations and your feelings . loneliness. You let your feelings go. your play and particularly in your sexual relationships. the same energy and aliveness that you experience as sexual excitement. your work. fear. You will encounter feelings which surprise you.to relax and open yourself to your natural feeling of aliveness and flowing energy. a little at a time. First of all. you will experience body sensations and perhaps emotions that seem to spring up from nowhere. you should view these experiences as signs of 7 . the excitement and motion that come naturally during the sexual experience. The information is not in this book and cannot be in any book. What you need is to get in touch with this excitement. However. It would be well for you to have them in mind before you begin. excitement. This you can do by practicing the movements and breathing that will allow you to feel and to learn' to tolerate. One way to describe how you get in touch with these feelings is to say that you will just allow them to happen. understand that the information you need is inside you. There can be no formulas or instructions to show you how to do this. anger. such as joy. because it is your experience of the excitement of being alive and of allowing your excitement to be expressed in many ways in your life. grief and others. basic principles or concepts which underlie and guide this there are several work.

that you have difficulty allowing yourself to feel good in both mind and body. as you work with the something new — do it. Let your natural body reflex take over. suggest. In our culture it is considered " a d u l t " to postpone pleasure and "save" some for tomorrow . you get an impulse or feeling to do a certain thing differently than 1 principles of the book. If. Go with your body. In fact. you are person. Some people feel that if they really let . Did you ever ask yourself "I wonder if I should enjoy t h a t " and then decide not to? You may find. you w o n ' t have it when you're hungry so you let it sit around until it 8 . Often people are caught by surprise by the strength and the sudden appearance of feelings they didn't know they felt. to want to regain control of themselves. you will quickly see that your body is only living out a natural. A good orgasm presupposes loss of control. they'll have nothing left for the future. However. You may as well face the fact that these exercises will put you in touch with a strong resistance to your own pleasure. you very well may be on the only track that will work for you. and just go through the motions. stop breathing. . . to resist the feelings. as clear markers that you are getting deeper in touch with yourself. The way to have a better orgasm is to allow yourself to feel pleasure. Though such an experience may be unfamiliar to you at first. it is difficult to speak for another D o n ' t be or to try afraid to innovate for yourself. as you move and breathe and get a pleasant sensation traveling up or down your body. Part of the purpose of the book is to help you to build a tolerance to pleasure and excitement. But keep in mind the basic exercises. healthy response and that the strong emotions you now feel will pass in a while. So long as it leads you toward increased feelings in your body and emotions you can't be on the wrong track. you tense u p . if you eat all your cake now. In your head you begin to doubt whether you ought to be doing these exercises at all. as you work through this book. try to get into whatever feelings want to come out.success. If you work on these exercises and feel nothing — something is wrong. holding on too tight. Another important principle underlying this work is your attitude toward pleasure. Try not to do this. in your b o d y .go and enjoy themselves sexually now. Therefore their response is to hold on. to want to pull back to more familiar ground.

" How do you "control" your excitement? Always by restricting your movements and your breathing. You control yourself by deadening your emotional responses. . touch with how you're stopping yourself from the feeling of total Become aware of your breathing . and again. and then you don't have it anyway. . let yourself j u m p and move and scratch. In fact. For a clear idea of how to go with your excitement. stop reading for a moment and breathe normally. again.molds. . In sex. slow it down . Adults are "controlled" children. for . Now stand up and try moving your hips in a circle (this is a warm-up exercise used in Tai Chi) . such as scratching your leg. Watch the excitement of a child at play. . watch a child at play. because it means your excitement will be shut off just as it begins to build. you are beginning to get in orgasm. in fact in some languages the orgasm is referred to as " t h e little death. Think of the meaning of the phrase "be cool. if you can identify these feelings in yourself now. . T h e n . . back. For instance. are really the same movements that the child makes in exaggerated form. now move half as fast. there's a really interesting thing you can do. the notion of postponing pleasure is self-defeating. Continue to slow your movement down.. all around in a smooth circle. relaxed and quiet. turning your head etc. and you will find that your bodily movements. . . side." recognizing the orgasm's similarity to the ultimate "letting g o " — death. side . and you have just controlled in yourself. Children literally let their excitement carry them away. . Others secretly fear that they will die of over-pleasure. . moving your foot. forward. and imitate that excitement . a little at a time.

. been charged with disturbing the peace and has been asked to move by more than one landlady. but she has no shortage of pleasure in her life. By beginning to experience (not think about) how you move. what about your breathing? If you're like most people. No breath can reach your abdomen. If you are like her. yelling and making noise (she's very extroverted). the work in this book is an awareness training exercise. your pelvis. perhaps you are one of the lucky ones who can have pleasure easily. you will get to know yourself better and will open up the 10 . separating have this problem. and it's like a spiral. You have blocked your breath from getting down into your pelvis. that is just what my exercises are all about. before penetration. She has as many orgasms as she wants. is to breathe hard. Chi practitioner doesn't anatomically possible for everyone to breathe and move his pelvis at the same time. I keep going higher and higher. perhaps the Tai Chi exercise came easily for you . When you move and breathe in this way. I don't understand why you're writing all this stuff about breathing and everything. and go off. In fact. I have a friend who says she is multi-orgastic. just a good lawyer! Finally. getting of into the the area. You have " c o n t r o l l e d " yourself. automatically. and go off. For instance. What she does. cannot breathe. but because this breathing and motion will really feel good to you. which is moving. course. and she says. . . I don't know what you're talking about. "I don't do all that breathing stuff to have an orgasm. you will turn yourself on — not because you are performing for anyone else or for an image of what you might look like. Tai You have constricted your muscles. you do not need this book. Your abdominal muscles are drawn up tight. breathe and feel during intercourse. Perhaps you experience no difficulty with your breathing . you are n o w breathing in restricted pants from your chest. . It is breathing from motion. when she starts the foreplay of sex. I just go off. You have also blocked any sensations or feelings from But. She has. and she really puts her whole body into her sexual experience before she starts having intercourse. In fact. unfortunately." I began to question her. blocking your feelings. Now.about a minute.

where and when you are tense or tired and whether you are really willing to let yourself enjoy yourself. what you feel like in intercourse.possibility of moving away from patterns which have previously blocked your pleasure. Even if you decide not to incorporate these exercises into y o u r orgasmic pattern or your sex life. Follow your feelings and see where you go. 11 . You will have gotten in touch with where you are now. and you will have seen that perhaps there is a choice for you. you will have made a big step toward loving yourself a little more. by reading this book you will have thought about what your present pattern is. By doing this.

or in any other situation in which you'll have to be aware of another person.Just try to let yourself go into these exercises. Success in the body. not your head. They are for your whole 13 . try to get your head into a place where you can have a good time with yourself alone — doing something for yourself. pleasure of sex requires that you allow yourself to enjoy. be greedy! When you try to push for something. That way both of you will be at about the same place when you begin your work together. You will be working alone for a week or more before you begin work with your partner. " Such an attitude may be a luxury to y o u . or try to solve a problem in this kind of work. that's when you're bound to be defeated.How to Work Some of the exercises in the book are to be done alone.. don't work alone together. I have put t h e m into separate sections of the b o o k . It is a good idea to have your partner begin his or her solitary work at the same time you d o . not trying to learn anything. when you set yourself a goal. just allowing yourself to " b e . Pleasing yourself is an absolute must for better sex . It's a fine habit to cultivate. you may not be in the habit of being good to yourself. Instead. But start now. not wanting to accomplish anything. . others are done with a partner. However. spending time on yourself. Since these two kinds of exercises are somewhat different. though it may take time before you can really relax into it.

T h i s d o e s n o t m e a n t h a t y o u c a n ' t get means that you're beginning more to feel them of again. inhibit patterns of movement you are trying to develop. b u t t h e y ' l l b e e n o u g h f o r y o u t o get t h e feel o f w h a t t h i s a p p r o a c h i s all a b o u t . exciting s i t u a t i o n as an exercise. I t m a y s u r p r i s e y o u t h a t I suggest not this. An A increase lot in interrupt is that to of also we exercises. perhaps you'll be m o r e aware of your own feelings. just turning begin feel sexual experiences . . Whether y o u work with your m a t e or not. caring. of t h e normally begin It keep on our bodies and which to makes us adults. P e r h a p s y o u ' l l p a y m o r e a t t e n t i o n t o y o u r s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e . But they tend to the new I have found that separate are used people new to each other. as children. about flatulence controls opposed control of l o o s e n i n g internal structures. y o u will that loving. What's happening is that the you have sphincters relax to them that hold you feel your a sign y o u ' r e o p e n i n g y o u r pelvis. . y o u ' r e p a y i n g a t t e n t i o n t o the b l a d d e r . T h e first t h i n g t o d e c i d e i s w h o t o w o r k w i t h . feel less t e n s e . and y o u can as if you tell w h e n they're tight. P e r h a p s t h e c h a n g e s will b e slight first. You may notice an increase in your frequency of urination.Once you get into the solitary exercises you may begin to feel s o m e changes in your body at p a t t e r n s o r m o v e m e n t . Also. this can bring old patterns of response into situations. to working The avoid with your can mate or usual sex p a r t n e r . As have to urinate Don't your worry more often. two not normal sexual partner. let g o . so you may it. But y o u should consider lead you you change some a d d s o m e t h i n g t o t h e l e a r n i n g p r o c e s s a n d can patterns and blaming games. you'll be ready to begin work with a partner. This b o o k is i n t e n d e d to add to you from y o u r loved o n e . p e r h a p s you'll breathe m o r e easily. it is very i m p o r t a n t that you work with s o m e o n e w i t h w h o m y o u feel q u i t e c o m f o r t a b l e . when have less c h a n c e o f t r e a t i n g of y o u r set return t o y o u r m a t e for i n t e r c o u r s e . will merely to again. U n l e s s y o u are a t 14 . them as you off. I am n o t trying in any way to take you from your your when pleasure. instead them Once you begin to feel these changes.

and h o p e f u l l y b o t h will get b e t t e r ! 15 . Don't F o r i n s t a n c e . but do not work with more p e o p l e t h a n t h i s . pleasing performing waiting for s o m e o n e else t o p r o v e s o m e t h i n g for y o u . I t will you not be necessary to be completely n u d e with your partner. t h e y to be d o n e slowly a n d w i t h a great deal of a w a r e n e s s of w h a t is h a p p e n i n g you. Finally.ease for with help. Also. he or I attention feelings about she attractive to you? S o m e o n e w h o r e a l l y r e p e l s y o u w o n ' t d o . Is partner. be problem of complications. By the w a y . and will n o t h a v e a n y g e n i t a l c o n t a c t d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s . o r t h e g r o u p e x p e r i e n c e will t a k e o v e r . S i t u a t i o n s c a r r y i n g e m o t i o n a l l o a d s will n o t h e l p y o u f o l l o w t h i s b o o k . it m a y feel overlook b e easier the possibility of working with someone of the same t o find s o m e o n e o f y o u r o w n s e x w i t h w h o m y o u w o u l d who would share your interest in doing these comfortable working and exercises. y o u will l o s e t h e s e n s e of y o u r are inside own d e v e l o p m e n t . T h e i l l u s t r a t i o n s i n in the nude so the body might make it m o v e m e n t s can be s h o w n m o r e easier for you to work with this b o o k are d r a w n clearly. These considerations someone other than your mate. T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e f o r your a w a r e n e s s t r a i n i n g . Going suggest you a pay little further to into your the question of c h o o s i n g y o u r the person. your you You partner. be sure your perspective partner is really as interested in the work as y o u are a n d is n o t exercising j u s t to please y o u . keep in m i n d pick s o m e o n e w h o will c o m p l i c a t e y o u r to work with uncharged could y o u feel g o o d b e i n g w i t h you want to change him or the life. L o o k for s o m e o n e a n d c a n a c c e p t j u s t a s h e o r s h e is. Keep your exercises and y o u r sex life separate. w i t h o u t f e e l i n g that he w a n t s to change y o u . Don't sex. a m a r r i e d m a n w h o p i c k s his s e c r e t a r y asking for trouble. will may not end unless be up able you to feel let or absolutely go into n o demand o r e x p e c t a t i o n your or own excitement and enjoyment. but frequent. What you want is a w a r m but situation. it can be a good idea for two couples to work together.

room I predict you for will e n d u p w o r k i n g o n t h e f l o o r and more stability for the your partner together. I really feel t h a t a n y b e d s m a l l e r t h a n k i n g size will n o t d o f o r y o u a n d In fact. o r a b l a n k e t o r t w o . t h o u g h a b e d will d o i f i t i f y o u u s e a b e d . Also. Try for a t i m e o f d a y i n y o u r s p a c e w h e r e b a c k g r o u n d n o i s e i s a t a m i n i m u m .Where To Work P i c k a r o o m or a s p a c e t h a t y o u like . best place to w o r k . m a k e s u r e y o u c a n n o t feel like y o u ' r e Perhaps you can make a double bed do for exercising going alone. the edge. that you both like. traffic o r keep you from with the c l e a r l y h e a r i n g yourself. Let's assume it. A n d p o l i c e t h e a r e a for a n t h i l l s a n d b e e h i v e s b e f o r e 16 . It allows more movement. . help to A n o t h e r a r g u m e n t i n favor o f w o r k i n g o n t h e f l o o r : i t will f r o m y o u r s e x life ( a s s u m i n g y o u d o t h a t k e e p the exercises separate mostly in b e d ) . Lie down on will you have picked o u t y o u r space a n d are n o w s t a n d i n g in y o u r b a c k f o r a m o m e n t . external sounds conversations like music will i n t e r f e r e development of your internal rhythms. w h e n w o r k i n g w i t h a p a r t n e r . and s o you can move without sweating. anyway. The is a very over floor is usually the large o n e . T h e temperature in y o u r space should be "body warm" so you can slip o u t o f y o u r clothes w i t h o u t g o o s e b u m p s . you will want padding - m a k e a c o m f o r t a b l e b u t firm s u p p o r t b e n e a t h y o u . moderate day nothing could be better! your you routine start! But have an i n d o o r r e t r e a t a v a i l a b l e for c o l d o r r a i n y d a y s s o w o n ' t s u f f e r . either by an intruder or by too m u c h noise. M a y b e a sleeping b a g will d o . W h a t d o y o u h e a r ? M u s i c . For persons working outdoors: on a beautiful. grounding exercises. It should be somewhere you will not be disturbed. If the enough to floor in your space isn't carpeted. .

r e l a x i n g y o u r muscles. T h e reason is that w h e n y o u push d o w n on the w a t e r b e d . Do take not b u t extraneous s t i m u l i in from stimulants or indulge depressants your calm before exercising. Get little. i t will o n l y w a n t t o c l o s e m o r e . A t i r e d b o d y defense reaction.What about waterbeds? No good. were You born y o u n e e d t o increase can't get it from a y o u r sexual pleasure y o u can't get it must come from this from book. tobacco they or grass. This thought applies to internal alcohol. T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e d e s i g n e d t o let y o u o p e n u p t o y o u r s e l f . will j u s t you away yourself and e f f o r t s will and clear. be wasted. T h e basic thought for w o r k i n g will is: want to be good to rested before y o u begin. About Time W h a t ' s a g o o d t i m e o f d a y t o begin e x e r c i s i n g ? B a s i c a l l y . w i t h it. The to hear yourself during the exercise. thing and will same is t r u e of an air m a t t r e s s . Exercising on t h e m is definitely o u t . a n y t i m e t h a t fits y o u a n d includes the following considerations. this is t h e b o d y ' s to close normal but you times alone W h e n y o u are tired a n d y o u r b o d y has begun p u s h o n i t t o w o r k . regularizing y o u r b r e a t h i n g a n d listening to w h a t ' s going on inside you i s w h a t i t ' s all a b o u t . J u s t a s w i t h m u s i c o r noise. The information you. T h e best t i m e to do this w o r k is w h e n y o u are 17 . earlier that you w a n t to w o r k in a space which will b r i n g y o u external such as stimuli. y o u s h o u l d feel r e s t e d a s y o u s t a r t t h e e x e r c i s e s . W o r k i n g a t s u c h be I frustrating and accomplish myself. I said minimal as well. naturally closes u p . T h a t m a k e s first t h i n g i n t h e m o r n i n g o r j u s t a f t e r a nap ideal. inside You partner. F i n d a w o r k s p a c e w i t h o u t d i s t r a c t i o n s a n d t u n c in your own inner music. it pushes right back o n y o u a n d a m o t i o n o f w a v e s i s set u p all a r o u n d y o u . F i n d s o m e - solid. this motion all will i n t e r f e r e w i t h y o u r a b i l i t y be lost. F i r s t .

) The y o u are a n d the more frequently you practice. w h o p e r s o n y o u will b e w o r k i n g with m o r e relaxed is n o w also working alone. then bringing feel the energy down into the legs a n d g r o u n d i n g i t . . or however long until you started. l e t t i n g y o u get the of energy in y o u r feet . treat yourself. We always start at and the mouth. c o m p a r e notes with your future on the together exercises. it's n o t a M a k e a niche of time a n d space a r o u n d yourself. t h e n t o the pelvis. W h a t y o u will b e w o r k i n g for i s g e t t i n g a sense o f y o u r o w n n a t u r a l r h y t h m .I f y o u have good time to a heavy a p p o i n t m e n t to rush off to in an h o u r . start exercising. 18 . then with a partner. F o l l o w y o u r feelings. . go to the eyes. the sooner y o u should be ready for w o r k i n g w i t h a p a r t n e r . All t h e e x e r c i s e s y o u will be d o i n g go in a s e q u e n c e . t h e n b a c k up to w o r k with the synchronizing o f all t h e s e m o v e m e n t s t o g e t h e r . Realize every will person need unique. O n c e y o u get you have it" means. l u x u r i a t e in it I t ' s b e s t t o w o r k c o n s i s t e n t l y for several w e e k s . S o m e of breathing exercises and they've got it. three weeks. people only O t h e r s will b e s l o w e r g e t t i n g t h e i r r h y t h m t o g e t h e r . . but allow from the start a way to w o r k at least o n c e a day for t w o weeks. that you'll understand is what "until you feel feel y o u h a v e it. then we go to s y n c h r o n i z i n g the b r e a t h i n g ( c h e s t . T h a t will t a k e y o u a s l o n g I f seven o r e i g h t s e s s i o n s leaves p a r t n e r (the you u n c e r t a i n w h e r e y o u arc. as it t a k e s y o u . the upper chest .a b d o m i n a l b r e a t h i n g ) . one each series t a k e s his o w n right a m o u n t of t i m e . o f course. w o r k i n g alone or the head. d o w n to the jaw the neck. .

Enjoy working yourself. I felt I couldn't since book is n o t exclusively use j u s t she or j u s t he a l o n e . All y o u c a n d o i s get i n t o u c h w i t h t h e f e e l i n g s a n d r h y t h m y o u w e r e b o r n w i t h . use he the I in the book when working I mean with a whichever gender woman. you can't get in touch by pushing. reader. after It became impossibly clumsy the other. T h i s w o r k is a lot easier t h a n it s e e m s . are say i n y o u r m i n d s u b s t i t u t e she e v e r y w h e r e he. b u t t h a t ' s an u n d e r t a k i n g too big for m e ! . t h i s i s a s e c r e t for y o u a l o n e . there is no goal. e t c .Where Your Head Is As y o u begin w o r k i n g a l o n e . k e e p t h e s e t h i n g s i n m i n d : T h e r e i s really n o t h i n g to a c c o m p l i s h . This is a play experience for you. if y o u . one the a l t e r n a t i n g w h i c h c a m e first. You have nothing to lose or accomplish. P u s h i n g i s a f t e r all h o w y o u have p r o b a b l y g o n e a b o u t s e x all t h e s e y e a r s . to keep repeating both forms. Don't push yourself. The solution fits I chose your is to m o s t l y situation. in describing t h e exercises. W h a t e v e r y o u on these exercises is for your pleasure. Where My Head Is F r e q u e n t l y . O n t h e o t h e r for e i t h e r s e x a l o n e . No o n e can do in your space s e e y o u . I found myself saying " h e or she this" or "have him or her do t h a t " or otherwise using the masculine a n d the feminine pronoun hand. T h i s i s g e n t l e w o r k . A n d b e a r w i t h We need a n e w p r o n o u n form in the language. me. pronoun forms. Be kind to yourself. R e l a x .

Breathing have will is directly change related your to emotion.Breathing and Movement Breathing is the systems body of the body m o s t basic It is f u n c t i o n o f y o u r b o d y . 21 . movement and emotion. pattern. and assumes about breathing together. you the the performs w h e n activity enter for sex world. the opposite of relaxation. However. your Any emotional by response you immediately your breathing can alter Conversely. talk and what they have to do with sex. Excitement. To a certain it extent and you easily have control of your breath. O n e result of doing the exercises is that you during intercourse. I want to o t h e r functions and activities of your b o d y is quite here only about breathing. never realized role t h e b r e a t h p l a y s i n y o u r sex life. relaxation t e c h n i q u e s ( a n d yoga exercises) are based on this principle. emotions and consciously Many changing breathing. The relationship between complex. W i t h o u t i t all o t h e r first internal self-supporting activity y o u r you probably you take have the this never central fail. This have book important thought entirely and granted. you feelings. This is w h a t my exercises are designed to do. y o u will have m o r e e n e r g y o r " c h a r g e " a v a i l a b l e t o charge will result in a more intense This increased orgasm. is also achieved by altering the breathing pattern.

This principle will you obviously feelings a n d h o w y o u express t h e m . That move apply both to affect your of the sexual way you feel. W h e n y o u feel d e p r e s s e d a n d d o w n . experience will legs. y o u see emotional high and movement set up the c o n d i t i o n s necessary this b o o k will They and to trigger y o u r orgastic reflex. One centered energy assumes that the Natural (an Man or Woman. if you changing way dance. One f u r t h e r a s s u m e s t h a t y o u o r I will h a v e t o l e a r n h o w t o p a y a t t e n t i o n t o w h e r e we block energy in our bodies. a n d what patterns we have developed in b o t h b r e a t h i n g and movement which disrupt and frustrate o u r natural potential. w h e r e w e h o l d o n e m o t i o n a l l y . So is. For example. way versa. T h e exercises in will g u i d e y o u i n t o t h i s p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g a n d m o v e m e n t . growing excitement nutrients in t h e r e ' s always the body) increase of the metabolic need more air. anticipation. h e i g h t e n e d energy concern With or a mobilization strong that occurs an your body there's strong etc. I've yet to completely meet). you may shoulders slope t o feel h a p p y .Body to alter your movements feelings begin and by arc also closely the a s s o c i a t e d w i t h e m o t i o n s . It is possible you move. relaxed and always in present entity would have n o b l o c k s a n d no t r o u b l e b u i l d i n g his or her charge to a t o t a l orgasm. w h i c h y o u as an your undulating wave excitement. increase spreading you it over y o u r entire will learn how to torso. arms m a i n t a i n this Working with person. another that flows up and down your body. process (oxidizing stored so you 22 . "contact. When that proper breathing and study the mechanics will lead you to an a n o r g a s m . and the vice both you movement breathe and and b r e a t h i n g are the way you directly related to emotions. with your shoulders back and y o u r chest out. r h y t h m and charge in their presence." aggressive an feeling. y o u r It is almost impossible to be depressed and stand slouch. preventing us from reaching our orgastic In this book I use in the term excitement when to cover the a joy. w h e r e w e store tension. responses.

and you You this is try hold to "control" rigid yourself. the breath attention. 23 . control may forms of e x c i t e m e n t . the restriction restricting r e p r e s s uncomfortable feelings o f pleasurable feelings a s w e l l . for e x a m p l e . of t h e startled reflex deer that has been surprised along a road.Since experience." T h e reason people t e n d to that are breathing deeply and fully are to amplifies brought their feelings. keeping themselves their breath which is " c a l m . cool and collected. m a n y with their people increasing the attempt by hold these to rate a n d amplitude their control excitement. It kingdom. any its through organism observation which and is of other m e m b e r s of the frightened will animal halt its of a that and suddenly Think breathing. often uncomfortable. movement Earlier I suggested When you try an exercise for rotating your pelvis in a circular motion. in you to automatically prevent restrict even your yourself order minute movements. times t h e very s o u n d s a n d muscular m o v e m e n t s t h a t g o with b r e a t h i n g t o get One other rid o f t h e m . it breathing is is the most sensitive measure of any emotional important that you respond to y o u r increased excitement by of your breathing. freeze. forcibly to and their feelings. excitement. because rigidity feeling. most people do this m o v e m e n t they hold their breath. e i t h e r b y b r e a t h i n g extend this emergency behavior are a s o u r c e o f d i s t r a c t i o n . interferring breathing. The attempt subjective experience of a breathing difficulty caused by a p e r s o n ' s It is the to control his or her e x c i t e m e n t is one d e s c r i p t i o n o f anxiety. We life-preserving instinct whenever o u r sudden. experience of wanting to get constrictions angusta — of the chest air i n t o lungs w h i c h are i m m o b i l i z e d b y m u s c u l a r diaphragm. Whenever body movement. prevents you from f e e l i n g y o u r feelings a s w e l l . thereby But instead. leads to Unfortunately. movements rabbit or is apparent. which The word "anxiety" comes of from the and — narrowness describes the condition involuntarily-constricted chest. s o w e t r y shallowly indefinitely sexual or by or holding shift it our to breath. h u m a n s also use this primitive At such full a t t e n t i o n i s n e e d e d .

T h e m o r e alive y o u a r e . M o v e m e n t i s a n a t u r a l p a r t o f b e i n g alive. deeply. and your body can naturally express your the absence of m o v e m e n t t h e r e is no feeling. s m o o t h l y . freely. will anus. of movement in and. legs a n d yourself in total your the abdomen. In crescendo m a k i n g love t h e r e c a n b e a s m o o t h a n d f l o w i n g m o v e m e n t r e a c h i n g a of excitement. then gradually from decreasing to stillness a n d complete satisfaction. you can h o l d on t h e very b e g i n n i n g . In movements. T h e r e is a j o y in observing this k i n d of m o v e m e n t — and an inner joy space make in b e i n g a b l e t o m o v e t h a t w a y . I t i s a l s o p o s s i b l e t o c r o s s t h e same by using a lot of u n n e c e s s a r y m u s c l e s a n d e x p r e s s i n g g r e a t effort. Since the feeling. n o t o n l y b y failing t o b r e a t h e p r o p e r l y . When y o u observe this type s o m e o n e . A t r a i n e d d a n c e r o r a monk often gives this appearance. Y o u lose y o u r ability i s i m m o b i l i z e d . each m o v e m e n t is coordinated and no m o t i o n is wasted. a n d y o u m u s t m o v e i t again t o regain depth of your be breathing affects the intensity Death breathe of your is no t o feel i n a l i m b w h i c h the feeling. it frequently g e t s s h u t d o w n j u s t w h e n m o r e air i s n e e d e d .During sexual excitement the breath is affected the same way. and or neck. a l m o s t like g l i d i n g . alive is to movement.w a l k i n g a c r o s s t h e f l o o r . I t i s p o s s i b l e t o c o m p l e t e a n a c t i o n . onto with or hanging on to your partner or the bed with buttocks Simply love-making or put. move feeling. Or. feel deeply breathing. t h e more spontaneous your feelings. y o u n o d o u b t feel t h e i r s t r a i n . b u t a l s o w i t h e x a g g e r a t e d facial e x p r e s s i o n s . t h e j o u r n e y very difficult. any rob h a n d s . t e n s i o n s i n the back feet. suppressed no and feeling can no revived To through be wholly breathing. during T h i s e x c e s s effort restriction you of of your sexual interferes breathing pleasure. release. orgastic movements 24 . for instance — Zen w i t h l i t t l e o r n o e f f o r t .

smooth you always rhythm. T h i s t y p e of breathing is initiated in the ego and requires a deliberate effort to maintain. of the Therefore. In t h e e x e r c i s e s for pelvic rocking. has One his way or her own characteristic way of breathing and of breathing is in uneven spurts? as if b u m p i n g d o w n a staircase. b u t a failure t o a l l o w all t h e air t o b e e x h a l e d a g a i n . F u r t h e r . breathe hampered and fully position of any work expend. the you will p r a c t i c e t h i s p r i n c i p l e . For some people the problem is n o t a lack of air i n t a k e . i f y o u h o l d y o u r pelvis r i g i d l y . p u t t i n g t h e g r e a t e s t p o s s i b l e v o l u m e o f air i n t o t h e lungs. 25 . by in the spite the breath of follows the effort body. In breathing.The exercises is type of breathing that diaphragmatic of air w i t h I want to encourage this type you to try in these get called breathing. your diaphragm contracts and p r e v e n t s t h e " l e t t i n g g o " i n t h e a b d o m e n n e c e s s a r y for o r g a s t i c r e l e a s e . With of b r e a t h i n g y o u a maximum amount a m i n i m u m a m o u n t of effort. learn The pelvis. Breathing out is very m u c h muscles in like the "letting g o . B r e a t h i n g is n o t j u s t i n h a l i n g . p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g c a n ' t t a k e p l a c e . b u t is held in t e n s i o n . o r t o a l l o w t h e c h e s t t o r e l a x e n o u g h so that the air It can is a be completely expelled. t h e chest is e x p a n d e d a n d t h e b e l l y i s p u s h e d o u t . Each holding the person breath. how a healthy body. As one become more relaxed a n d " o u t o f m i n d . to that coordinate of sex your requires movement exhalation your every breathing forward swing rhythm If you with inhale during forward movement. using b o t h your chest and y o u r a b d o m e n . " chest passive if that p r o c e d u r e allowed b y musculature is not releasing t h e released and abdomen. or a l o n g a r o u g h r o a d . you a definite That is. it is a full c y c l e of i n h a l i n g and e x h a l i n g . b e c a u s e pelvis participates in e v e r y b r e a t h c y c l e . fully. you rhythmical will find pelvic an pelvic my movement exercises and is an integral part of emphasize helping you together. T h e diaphragm is pulled d o w n . " his b r e a t h i n g s m o o t h e s o u t . s o m e air i s r e t a i n e d i n t h e l u n g s a n d s u b s e q u e n t i n h a l a t i o n i s r e s t r i c t e d . In unless deeply proper development.

become These tingling and extending by sensations. to pay find The work is to slow. intense. you may which This interrupts is what find t h a t e a c h n e w one your you newly should established look for and emotions. moving pattern. you will develop you'll probably notice some new body in various parts of Invariably tingling sensations y o u r b o d y . encouraged excessive breathing. how and a great deal of how you'll training concentration you're attention that you you're in steps moving and or levels. w h e n all o f a lie for sudden in the you will break too fast. s t o p . smooth-breathing pay attention of to. breathing. you must first figure out stop yourself from m a k i n g a c o m p l e t e o r full e x h a l a t i o n . Remember. T h e r e f o r e . usually starting in mouth) and if very often t h e h a n d s . feet a n d face ( p a r t i c u l a r l y a r o u n d t h e over the whole can body. your breathing is your "feeling thermometer. w h i l e a t first i t m a y s e e m a s i f little to you. T h e Y o u will w a n t t o s t a y with the e m o t i o n until it subsides. will progress p e r i o d i c a l l y r e a c h a p l a t e a u w h e r e n o t h i n g s e e m s t o b e h a p p e n i n g . you h a v e t o a l l o w t i m e for y o u r b o d y t o o v e r c o m e its As brings a you new work flood and through of the exercises. to allow it t o b e e x p r e s s e d fully. I call the is breathing required You pattern. 26 . W h a t is h a p p e n i n g is t h a t y o u r b o d y emotion you feel i s e n e r g y is " l e t t i n g g o " of an old released as the pattern is pattern broken. In t h e e x e r c i s e s . tension. As you sensations.To how you this you use check out your own breathing pattern. w a t c h i n g y o u r b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n closely." so pay close a t t e n t i o n t o it. W h e n a n e w e m o t i o n c o m e s u p . h o w m u s c l e c o n t r a c t i o n s to i n h i b i t a full e x h a l a t i o n . through and move on from there. t h a t is. start breathing deeply. Your problem will trying to go a n d in g o i n g b e y o n d y o u r b o d y ' s level of t o l e r a n c e and increased feelings that come with "letting increased oxygenation g o " and with is old happening patterns. d e e p e r b r e a t h i n g . c o m f o r t a b l e p l a c e . g o b a c k t o a place in the exercise sequence that feels c o m f o r t a b l e a n d m o v e t h r o u g h t h e s e q u e n c e a g a i n f r o m t h i s safe.

tingling will t e n d These to diminish a n d disappear. These the slightest the exercises amount of of only or minimal tingling is amounts necessary any oxygenation. e x c i t e m e n t .feelings of n u m b n e s s can arc occurs a occur.by c o n c e n t r a t i n g on y o u r The charge final s t e p i n t h e e x e r c i s e s i s t o a l l o w y o u r n e w l y r e l e a s e d e n e r g y o r to be focused into y o u r orgastic e x p e r i e n c e . will u s u a l l y is relaxed push the and slows down. Such sensations are k n o w n as " p a r e s t h e s i a " in as carbon symptoms dioxide rate. push off if y o u create an you yourself emotional r e s i s t a n c e (i. If you do. are very similar to the feelings o f e x c i t e m e n t t h a t feelings o f e x c i t a t i o n an go along with o r g a s m . due to sometimes when seen too much is discharged our work rapidly increased breathing there's chance that y o u r b o d y utilize. T h u s y o u will b e a l l o w i n g y o u r s e l f t o t o l e r a t e m o r e breathing. As excitation you and begin to develop through the capacity to tolerate the higher dizziness levels and of the oxygenation proper breathing.e. require sensation simulated It is this phenomenon that is hyperventilation breathing be or over-oxygenation is important excess of to stress avoided. a n d for will get o v e r c h a r g e d w i t h o x y g e n w h i c h i t i s u n a b l e t o you may experience some dizziness or n u m b n e s s to this reason which y o u are n o t a c c u s t o m e d . learn to phenomenon You Don't tolerate yourself. People w h o are actively w o r k i n g or exercising regularly are n o t as likely to develop these symptoms. is if This no disappear as soon as your breathing is are completely better and under your control. y o u b e c o m e a f r a i d ) t h a t will b e d i f f i c u l t t o o v e r c o m e l a t e r . sensation there than hurry. Whether irrelevant. This requires unifying t h e b o d y ' s feelings. leaving only a " c h a r g e " of energy. W h e n y o u a r e c a u g h t u p i n s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t . you will find that the sensations.w i t h o u t s h u t t i n g it off . i t i s p o s s i b l e t o 27 . In of hyperventilation. begin on and the only maintain activation sexual feelings body through breathing should o n l y b e d o n e w i t h a c o m p e t e n t t h e r a p i s t p r e s e n t w h o i s familiar w i t h t h i s t y p e of work. from the more medicine and Hyperventilation blood. e m e r g i n g d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s .

m a k i n g itself a v a i l a b l e for y o u r o r g a s m . b o d y . a n d t h e i r r e l a t i o n t o is as though the energy travels down your earth something solid. I t will b e w o r t h y o u r efforts! 28 .d i s s i p a t e o r w a s t e y o u r e n e r g y . they can open your body to y o u r energy f l o w . M y e x e r c i s e s o n g r o u n d i n g p r e v e n t t h i s energy loss the by focusing y o u r or excitement It i n y o u r f e e t a n d legs. a n d h e l p y o u d e v e l o p a h i g h e r level o f e x c i t a t i o n . b o u n c e s u p y o u r legs If you are patient with these exercises. is c a p t u r e d or collected. reaches the ground. w h i c h will r e s u l t i n i n c r e a s e d b o d y p l e a s u r e a n d m o r e life f o r y o u . then a g a i n .

somewhat culmination. d o i t f o r y o u r own s a k e . others less. orgasm.Orgasm Perhaps experience. change it! ( B e t t e r y e t . s o i f there is something that you can change. T h e r e are m a n y t h a t c a n n o t b e c h a n g e d for t h e b e t t e r t h a t w e h a v e t o l e a r n t o live w i t h . 29 . then for heaven's sake. people experience orgasms as sky r o c k e t s e x p l o d i n g . depends on individual's capacity is r i d i c u l o u s . " Y o u r o r g a s m can b e i m p r o v e d t h r o u g h (in f a c t s o m e t i m e s i t s e e m s t o o m a n y ) things exercises. And there are m a n y people w h o seem unable to experience an orgasm at all. a comparative O r g a s m is a s u b j e c t i v e e x p e r i e n c e that is impossible to m e a s u r e a n d pigeonhole. If your accept these this state experiences as "the aren't in the first category. Again It to is no a the experience union peak with known the to man or can cosmic come closer to a than peak the most gifts. pleasant. orgasm. universal consciousness. there is no need to way y o u a r e . one o f e x c i t e m e n t a n d its awe-inspiring. Some of our natural the satisfying. ) But what orgasm. again for we sometimes strive its transitory it is and toward value is ultimate experience. each Certainly is an orgasm? What am the study I talking a b o u t ? T h e r e is no s t a n d a r d for pleasure and excitement. o t h e r s as a small m a t c h lit t o w a r d o f f t h e darkness of a dismal existence. and For yet some.

W e c o u l d first t a l k a b o u t t h e p h y s i o l o g y o f a n o r g a s m place on an anatomical. information their field p i o n e e r e d b y Sexual Response. What I prefer to discuss here is the process of an orgasm.What I could do is describe an orgasm from a number of different . W i t h t h i s k n o w l e d g e y o u c a n alter the q u a l i t y o f y o u r o r g a s m s . h o w it h a p p e n s . Masters and J o h n s o n in However. To 1 refer you for sound scientific the mass to of mis-information the studies in this available.w h a t takes v i e w p o i n t s . I personally monumental contribution Human have always found this t y p e of reading s o m e w h a t dull. 30 . W i l h e l m R e i c h p r e s e n t s a n o r g a s m t h e o r y w h i c h I have interpreted in the following diagram. a n d w h a t s t a g e s l e a d u p t o it. physiological level. if I were to do this I would describe subject avoid a c o m p l i c a t e d s e t o f a n a t o m i c a l r e s p o n s e s t h a t h a v e l o n g b e e n a favorite of literary fiction a n d fantasy (and some scientific fantasy as well!).

peri o d s of rest. but in excitement builds there is a sudden towards an orgasm. continuation of t h e excitation. y o u r m o v e m e n t s have been directed from t h e h e a d ( u n d e r c o n t r o l o f t h e e g o ) . T h e f o u r p a r t s a r e m a r k e d b y R o m a n n u m e r a l s on t h e diagram and are divided in the is following also the manner: 1. release a n d d i s c h a r g e o f t h e b u i l d u p ( t h e orgastic r e f l e x ) . it usually doesn't interfere with the course of e x c i t a t i o n . resolution (recovery phase). any sort of thing that there is an interruption. e t c . T h u s t h e r e b e g i n s t h e b u i l d i n g a n d s t o r a g e o f e n e r g y ( e x c i t e m e n t ) . . in r e a l i t y . I I I . This m a y or m a y any case it is t h a t point w h e r e the possibility of building to an orgasm is m o r e likely. T h e p a r t of the curve l a b e l e d foreplay i s w h e n a c t u a l t o u c h i n g . T h e s e m o v e m e n t s c a n b e s l o w . From the beginning. talking. g e n t l e and relaxed. be it looking. excitation. which buildup of a (some p e o p l e u s e t h e t e r m p l a t e a u h e r e ) . T h e n a s increase of energy that starts the curve up not be the point of penetration. kissing. T h i s is the charge stage. If they can be interrupted to allow for all kinds of pleasurable place. such as positioning. charge II. t h e y all f l o w t o g e t h e r . a n y t h i n g t h a t b u i l d s e x c i t e m e n t is a f o r m of f o r e p l a y . . a n d things to take feels right. Phase I includes any form of excitation.The orgasm can be divided into four significant parts. b e g i n s . although. IV. . t h i n k i n g .

as t a k e n from Masters and J o h n s o n .N o w a t p o i n t " 1 " t h e loss o f t h i s e g o c o n t r o l b e g i n s . U s u a l l y a m a n m u s t wait for from 5 minutes to an hour or more before his orgasmic cycle can be repeated. flexors sacral their W i th e a c h t h r u s t t h e pelvis i s p u l l e d f o r w a r d a n d u p w a r d . for m e n t h e r e c o v e r y t i m e i s l o n g e r . i n m o r e d e t a i l . " a n d t h e n r e l a x a t i o n t a k e s over. A t " 2 . This excitation the crest starts the the first involuntary floor. control as do your course and compulsive of movements. " t h e point of no return. musculature are the woman. with contractions of the total musculature of c o n t r a c t i o n s o c c u r in waves. and the forward a movement contraction of the of the pelvis a t smooth genitals and of the pelvic occur These waves In the complete there more man. Some and p e o p l e fail t o let g o i n experience backaches during intercourse they a f t e r w a r d . to pleasure subside referred and peak. a r e some typical female p a t t e r n s . no longer this of the excitation possible. t h e m o r e noticeable the contractions which start contractions. In the the occurs intense these of the the o r g a s m . This there diagram closely typifies the m a l e s e x u a l r e s p o n s e . In essence t h e y have b e e n w o r k i n g against themselves. H e r e . P h a s e I V . body is the tempo of your At sexual point. vagina. From movements orgastic control the "4" point there At to "4" come is of a the back no return "2" until the cessation o f involuntary to a s the and period of heightened begins body. exhalation. at the same t i m e the (muscles) (low lower back) back completely relaxed. " w h e n i n a c t u a l i t y i t i s not t o o m u c h s e x b u t m e r e l y t o o m u c h holding o n t h a t i s t h e c a u s e . b u t for w o m e n i s a p o s s i b l e w i d e r v a r i a t i o n i n r e s p o n s e . All the of the region region abdomen is contract powerfully. 32 . becomes more m o r e c o n c e n t r a t e d i n t h e g e n i t a l s . start excitation into the awareness Involuntary movement persists for a w h i l e t o " 5 . i s t h e r e c o v e r y o r resolution For period. a time be a when further stimulation t o o r g a s m i s n o t possible. Body movement voluntary excitation increases. a n d a k i n d o f m e l t i n g s e n s a t i o n s e t s in. L o w backaches have been attributed to "too much s e x a c t i v i t y . are ejaculation. from a m a t t e r of seconds to women this can period of time ranging a n h o u r o r m o r e .

Then follows a corresponding letting-go 33 . a s will d e m o n s t r a t e d in my m o v e m e n t exercises later. t h e n . T h e r e the m o v e m e n t flows from the pelvis up of the ego. T h e i r r e s o l u t i o n t i m e is very rapid ( t h e y m a y e v e n fall a s l e e p o r p a s s o u t f r o m t h e r a p i d r e l e a s e o f t e n s i o n ) . the plateau or charge s t a t e is n o t d i m i n i s h e d a n d a little s t i m u l a t i o n (this can be inner excitement also) will allow a multiple experience of orgasm. women quickly pass t h r o u g h the e x c i t e m e n t p e r i o d a n d 3. the b o d y starts off as a " t h i n k i n g " e n t i t y . leaving m o s t women quite frustrated. typical rise in excitement until plateau. after which to the head. To s u m m a r i z e . ) 2 . When this h a p p e n s there is usually a longer p e r i o d of resolution. (Building t h i s e x c i t e m e n t f r o m t h e i n s i d e i s w h a t m y e x e r c i s e s are all a b o u t . then orgastic If t h e e x c i t e m e n t is high e n o u g h a n d sustained. or or ego. a n d as t h e o r g a s t i c r e f l e x t a k e s o v e r . of the Gradually is the m o v e m e n t direction more and more shifts the forward pelvis made from g r o u n d o r f e e t . g e t t i n g as much pleasure As the as it can from in what the head. Some the plateau to an orgasm. I n t h i s t y p e c y c l e ( e x p e r i e n c e d all t o o f r e q u e n t l y ) t h e w o m a n arrives at the plateau phase yet is unable to achieve an orgasm. movements intercourse stimulation continue. m o v e m e n t s b e g i n i n t h e pelvis a n d y o u get " o u t of so control" that the (out of rational thrust be control). decides will be pleasurable. A release.1. when one comes a point of no r e t u r n .

which orgastic gratification first He proposed the i d e a t h a t p l e a s u r e r e s u l t s f r o m t h e release o f tension. as identical with that the orgasm is the t h e s t r i v i n g for o r g a s t i c r e l e a s e . a n d t u r n off t h e i r s e x u a l e n e r g i e s . My m o v e m e n t exercises are designed to duplicate t h e m o v e m e n t o f the orgastic reflex. R e i c h c i t e d two k i n d s o f a t t i t u d e s t o w a r d d e a t h a n d d y i n g : e i t h e r a s a n i d e a o f severe injury o r destruction of the anxiety and psychophysical around organism (in t h i s c a s e a c c o m p a n i e d b y severe or full in the form of bodily and grouped melting genital is castration) similar to dissolution. o r m i n d f u n c t i o n shift. for N i r v a n a . t h i n k i n g t y p e s . the more rapid discharged. W h e n y o u let y o u r e g o . a n u m b e r o f fears s u d d e n l y s u r f a c e . or tension to orgasm. y o u d o get a sense of the falling.g o w h o live in their entirely in t h e i r h e a d s . O n e of the situations. can The be very frightening. y o u will " l o s e y o u r m i n d " . pleasure. 34 . I t i s a s d i f f i c u l t t o t h i n k y o u r s e l f i n t o a s n e e z e a s i t i s t o think yourself into an orgasm! The fear o f falling i s a n o t h e r p r i m a r y a n x i e t y t h a t c a n be triggered as a n o r g a s m a p p r o a c h e s .e x i s t e n c e . T h i s led h i m t o believe m o s t i m p o r t a n t m a n i f e s t a t i o n o f life. a flows problem with the melting quality as the of the action orgastic is reflex. The greater your charge. r e l a t e d t h e d e g r e e o f o n e ' s p l e a s u r e t o t h e a m o u n t o f tension he was right. Freud body away. b e c a u s e o r g a s m i s a r e f l e x r e a c t i o n .completely people. for d e a t h . E n e r g y m u s t f l o w freely i n t h e b o d y . m u c h less p a y a t t e n t i o n all at once. S o m e the p e o p l e c a n n o t p r o d u c e even t h e v o l u n t a r y oscillations of t o b r e a t h i n g and pelvis w h e n r e q u e s t e d t o d o s o . People who cannot reproduce movement experience t h e s e o s c i l l a t i o n s cannot the sexual e x c i t a t i o n w h i c h increases t h e height of their charge. i f y o u let g o o f y o u r m i n d . reflex ready to take over. For many arises w h e n . crazy. fear of This death. a s well a s i n o t h e r t h a t . r u n t h e risk o f People getting stuck t h i n k i n g p r o c e s s a s a n o r g a s m a p p r o a c h e s . R e i c h s a w t h e striving for n o n . And y o u r release a n d t h e greater y o u r pleasure. of death There and also orgasm arises is a occasionally association c o m m o n p h e n o m e n o n . is fears y o u m a y e x p e r i e n c e i n i n t e r c o u r s e .

Some intercourse. an erection of their longer during actual attention think grandmothers or of vegetable g a r d e n s . p r e v e n t i n g a n o t h e r b u i l d u p to another disappointing discharge. Women are taught he describes as an these emphasize t o t e a s e . but a it woman. he say for may a man have the what I excitation is becomes so localized commonly an orgasm partner. the sequence may be similar. called that but is the and "premature" premature ejaculation ejaculation. a n d m e n a r e t a u g h t t o live f r o m w h a t p e n i s " a t t i t u d e . in a sequence which allows y o u r and their accompanying body. B o t h o f at the expense of internal growth . a m a n c a n last l o n g e r a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e e n j o y all the stimulation a n d e x c i t e m e n t t h a t c o m e s w i t h his c h a r g e p h a s e . " e n d of the external stimulation 35 . to mean for and might are long enough enough to satisfy his his discharge not release tension buildup. her her e n e r g y for orgasm is having m u l t i p l e buildup between tension similarly s m a l l . men. . them. between male and female. t h e stud a p p r o a c h . B y d i s s i p a t i n g t h e energy t h r o u g h o u t h i s b o d y . must in turn order their to maintain off. W h e n this e x c i t a t i o n is n o t spread t h r o u g h o u t t h e w h o l e body what in often the happens genitals is that I that. has observed but that our culture orgastic sexual stimulation with little expression. . When this is d o n e y o u r discharge (orgasm) is a or total orgasm. but When it is her essential orgastic that she maintain is small.You body to feelings localize total will work through my to exercises charge. it When be premature. not just become and to the accustomed spread that excitation. . with a a high Bioenergetic level of therapist. him. She may experience an is o n l y a small b u i l d u p a n d discharge. than the but I It is possible to emphasize these differences as Masters and are frequently Johnson more do. Stan provides us Keleman. a n d m a n y t i m e s h e r t e n s i o n r e m a i n s . a s o p p o s e d t o t h a t w h i c h i s l o c a l i z e d i n body experience the genital area a l o n e . For orgasm. . similarities rather differences significant comparing men a n d w o m e n ' s sexual responses. throughout charge your whole it in genital area. A w o m a n is c a p a b l e of orgasms. o r else they will r e a c h a c l i m a x t o o s o o n . that the in feel. t h e r e f o r e he is u n f u l f i l l e d .

helping y o u have b e t t e r . It is easy t o o v e r e s t i m a t e t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f e x a m i n i n g t h e s e x u a l act i n D i a g r a m s will l e a d t o c o m p a r i s o n s . F o r this t o e m p h a s i z e t h e development a s reason. h o w y o u " s h o u l d " a c t . they're puzzled a b o u t s o m e i n n e r r e s i s t a n c e w h i c h r e f u s e s t o g o a l o n g with t h e i r " s h o u l d s . s h o u l d n ' t s . ideas of w h a t is right a n d what is t r a n s f e r r e d a n d i n f e r r e d . m u s t s a n d c a n ' t s " t h a t all o f the removal of some of the us have been raised with wrong. a n d s o m e h o w get p u t i n t o our in my most liberal and free patients the same have found problems tell t h a t e x i s t a m o n g t h o s e w h o feel s o m e w h a t i n h i b i t e d . nor c o m p a r i n g your t e r m s o f a d i a g r a m or a c u r v e . w h e r e you " s h o u l d " have an o r g a s m . the exercises in are designed well a s t h e t o l e r a t i o n o f inner e x c i t a t i o n . " T h i s i n n e r v o i c e i s o f t e n a v o i c e o f s a n i t y t h a t i s s e a r c h i n g for m o r e m e a n i n g in a relationship t h a n just genital c o u p l i n g can provide. be able to sleep with anybody. own s e x u a l life w i t h y o u r own enjoyment It is a i m e d m e r e l y at helping y o u increase your sexual feelings. this b o o k off t h e s e feeling o v e r w h e l m e d a n d a f r a i d . sexual These ideas lives. a n d this is anyone else. they themselves enjoy "should" and they " s h o u l d " be free a b o u t t h e i r bodies. I are — in o t h e r w o r d s . b u t when the and shut I t i s e a s y e n o u g h t o g o a l o n g w i t h t h e s e e x t e r n a l stimuli from within. Perhaps the m o s t difficult step in allowing y o u r s e l f to have pleasure is " s h o u l d s . i s a n o t h e r t r a p o f h o w y o u " s h o u l d " p e r f o r m i n i n t e r c o u r s e . P l e a s e d o n o t a d d t h i s book t o y o u r o t h e r list o f " s h o u l d s " . more of your p l e a s u r a b l e o r g a s m s a n d a fuller s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e . E n j o y m e n t a n d p l e a s u r e will e l u d e y o u forever if y o u put a " s h o u l d " before t h e m . t h e d e p t h s o f t h e p e r s o n ' s feelings deeper orgastic s t a t e s originate The f r o m t h e inside o u t .heightened sparkling e x c i t e m e n t and his inner movements and that ignores pulsations. T h e freer people that sex they with "should" everyone. What my exercises can become then. not a book aimed at comparing y o u with partner's. 36 . many p e o p l e will h o l d back feelings s t a r t t o c o m e inner pulsations. and what I want to warn you a g a i n s t .

it becomes an i l l u m i n a t e d figure o n a d a r k b a c k g r o u n d . more details on getting started. It through on to the the important and establish some pattern you go breathing exercises movement experience tingling exercises. For Work. searchlight your to be aware of something. It develop about should is most take two that hours you exercise properly breathing before in sequence. You and should do Try over these to exercises slowly a n d with a great deal of attention that so your that awareness when I ask is something you like a awareness. You will of exercises your w o r k s from t h e h e a d d o w n to the feet. you may have energy flow. other areas. exercises all in trouble getting through them session. Experience that area in relationship to the your searchlight . going imagine body. . . . you m a y decide t h a t s o m e are n o t as useful as o t h e r s : skip t h e m if y o u wish. see the chapter called How To 37 . you bring your total attention . to that area. T h e overall s e q u e n c e up. When you've d o n e t h e m all once. .Exercising Alone I exercises and would I have like now to introduce you to some with in of the experiments and developed These for working alone are one done your breathing. movement sequence. t h e n back own to sense do of h o w every your long to practice each one.

You can being feel sure that the exhalation i s not but just mouth and letting go. face. a n d t h e w e i g h : o f y o u r b o d y p u s h i n g a g a i n s t the knees should be u p . feel t h e f l o o r (or bed) p u s h u p a g a i n s t y o u ." or " I ' m w o r r i e d " e t c . N o w let i t g o c o m p l e t e l y . . P a y a t t e n t i o n t o a n y a r e a t h a t s e e m s t o b e tense i n y o u r b o d y . T e n s e a s y o u i n h a l e . A s y o u d o t h i s . relax a s you exhale. Pay attention — n o t t o w h a t i t d o e s . Your y o u r b o d y t o u c h t h e f l o o r . in your the air c o m i n g in y o u r throat. What bring Pay your attention to you the are to tension your in face. A s y o u d o t h a t . feet f l a t o n t h e floor. S e e w h a t it is t h a t y o u r face is expressing. e x h a l e t h o r o u g h l y four o r f i v e times.F i r s t o f all. w h i l e y o u a r e l y i n g o n t h e f l o o r o r o n a b e d . T i g h t e n t h a t a r e a a s m u c h a s y o u c a n a n d e x a g g e r a t e t h e tension. b u t t o w h e r e i t c o m e s i n a n d w h e r e i t goes out 38 . Your face may say. "I am t e n s e " or " T h i s is silly. L e t t h e m c o m e o u t o f y o u i f t h e y want t o — t h e n l e t t h e e x p r e s s i o n g o . t e n s e it to i t s u t m o s t . Give the expression a voice as if it could talk. . T h e r e are an infinite number of expressions that come into your face. in t o y o u r b r e a t h i n g a n d t o your: head. the Try to feel your facial attention feeling minute musculature o f your is the expressing with your face? E x a g g e r a t e that e x p r e s s i o n . forced your breath Then begin a to breathe softly. Now expression. e x h a l e . Notice what parts of floor.

legs. o n e part at a time. u p o n increasing the v o l u m e of their c h e s t s . i n t o y o u r h a n d s a n d into your belly. t h a t i n s t e a d o f y o u r b r e a t h i n g t h e air. it flows d o w n into y o u r pelvis. C h e s t first? A b d o m e n f i r s t ? . . Imagine t h a t i t goes t h r o u g h o u t y o u r b o d y t o d i f f e r e n t p a r t s Start by up having into it go into your toes. Imagine that the air is slowly moving into your lungs. Pay n o air is attention coming in? to your chest. E x h a l e a n d feel t h e s t r e a m o f i t w i t h y o u r h a n d . pay a t t e n t i o n to t h e s e q u e n c e w i t h w h i c h y o u b r e a t h e .of our body. imagine that your breath is flowing into different parts of Let's your body. Don't aware o f w h a t y o u a r e d o i n g . with your then each feet. Allow the air to move into your body through your nose. really hollow out their back at the same time. as y o u begin to do this breathing. I m a g i n e for a m o m e n t . and into your hands.just become increased. Just experience this. thus the volume is n o t try to change a n y t h i n g in yourself yet . w i t h d r a w i n g a n d c o m i n g o u t o f y o u . t h e air f l o w s i n t o y o u r n o s e a n d m o u t h . A s out. then into successive into both breath. t h e air i s breathing you. and slowly i s p u l l e d o u t a g a i n . As y o u you let the breath t a k e a b r e a t h . Do you Do keep y o ur chest e x p a n d e d w h e n you expand your stomach on Or your Do you pelvis? stomach? feel t h e Into inhalation or exhalation? to your inhalation d o w n in the pit of y o u r genitals? Can you feel your ribs stomach' Down your expand on the sides? In t h e back? Many people. Finally. . Imagine part o f y o u r b o d y to that t o w h i c h t h e a i r i s f l o w i n g e x p a n d s a little a s t h e air m o v e s area. Y o u d o n ' t have to do anything at all. the air is doing your breathing for you. that the throughout t h e rest of y o u r b o d y . coming your pelvis.

I d e a l l y t h e c h e s t begins the wave. 4U . a l e t t i n g g o . let then go the belly rises. t h e n a collapse. T h e r e s h o u l d b e a rise i n t h e c h e s t a n d t h e a b d o m e n . fully they in y o u r inspiration fill a n d expiration. at don't the crest of the wave both chest and abdomen for e x h a l a t i o n . T h i s m o v e m e n t s h o u l d f l o w i n a s m o o t h w a v e s o t h a t i t goes down your entire body.P l a c e o n e h a n d o n y o u r c h e s t a n d o n e h a n d o n y o u r a b d o m e n a s you b r e a t h e . and with practice it will. people are abdominal naturally their abdomen T h a t ' s o k a y t o o . your natural body elasticity will f o r c e t h e air o u t . push. a s long a s both Some the chest and belly participate breathers. Continue this breathing a w a r e n e s s u n t i l y o u feel c o m p l e t e l y r e l a x e d a n d a r e b r e a t h i n g e a s i l y . first. T h e s e q u e n c e i s n o t o f g r e a t i m p o r t a n c e h o w e v e r . o f t h e c h e s t a n d t h e a b d o m e n d o w n a g a i n .

T h i s e x e r c i s e frees your diaphragm a n d starts the breath the exaggerated movements f l o w m o v i n g . you n o r m a l l y c o m e . a n d t h e n d o t h e s e q u e n c e a g a i n for five r e p e t i t i o n s .N o w t a k e a d e e p b r e a t h a n d . Repeat this exercise four or five t i m e s . i t a l s o gives y o u a feel for and how close to this exaggeration of breathing. f i l l i n g y o u r lungs a n d m a k i n g t h e m o v e m e n t s o f t h e c h e s t a n d a b d o m e n . h o l d y o u r b r e a t h and make the m o v e m e n t s of breathing. without e x p e l l i n g t h e a i r . 41 . S t o p a n d rest.

a s o u n d o f r e l e a s e . let i n w h i c h y o u f i l l y o u r w h o l e b o d y w i t h air. . . m a k e the s o u n d . i m a g i n e t h e air g o i n g c o m p l e t e l y d o w n t o t h e b o t t o m o f y o u r pelvis . ( h u h h h ) a c o m p l e t e l y l e t t i n g . . It does not sound each time you breathe throughout 42 . letting-go sound. W h e n i t g e t s t o the it g o . . The vibration in the t h r o a t relaxes and releases that area. b u t y o u s h o u l d emit a the exercises. K e e p y o u r m o u t h open. open your mouth. Continue to have t o b e a l o u d s o u n d .o u t . As y o u take a breath in.Begin to add some sound to your breathing. l e t t i n g t h e air c o m e o u t of y o u very much bottom like a sigh . l i k e a huge yawn. . .

go back. Each time you try exercise a p a r t o f y o u r b o d y t h a t i s t e n s e . Work y o u r way t h r o u g h each exercise in this m a n n e r . Now you have begun to establish a diaphramatic breathing rhythm. y o u r b r e a t h i n g m a y s t o p . T h e r e i s n o r u l e t h a t e x c i t e m e n t i s silent! Begin t o a l l o w y o u r e x c i t e m e n t t o e m e r g e t h r o u g h y o u r s o u n d s . t h e m e r e t h o u g h t of the sexual experience w i l l cause a gasp a n d a s h u t t i n g .A s c h i l d r e n w e u s e d t o m a k e s o u n d s all t h e t i m e .o f f o f s o u n d . f r e e i n g the area. besides being a m e a n s of c o m m u n i c a t i o n . Let your breath pattern. not y o u r " p r o g r e s s " through the exercises. sounding as y o u e x h a l e . T h e n e x t e x e r c i s e for f r e e i n g t h e n e c k a n d c h e s t will begin t o cause y o u r h a n d s o r o t h e r p a r t s o f of full-torso. a n d m a y your must body be to tingle. sounds can be stimulating and exciting to y o u r p a r t n e r . b u t n o w . During intercourse. reestablish y o u r b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n a n d try to exercise the tense area again. Y o u c a n — a f t e r r e p e a t e d a t t e m p t s . P r a c t i c e m a k i n g d i f f e r e n t k i n d s o f s o u n d s . up This pattern all kept through the exercises t h a t follow. a s a d u l t s . F o r m a n y people. 43 . be y o u r guidepost. I f i t d o e s .b r e a k t h r o u g h t h e t e n s i o n . w e a r e controlled and quiet. T h e s e will e n h a n c e y o u r r e p e t o i r e for s e x u a l cornmunication w i t h o u t w o r d s . noisy breathing and tingling to strengthen this r h y t h m .

for t h e y i n d i c a t e t h e m o t i o n o f t h e s h o u l d e r s .Freeing the neck and chest. T o b e g i n . t h e c h e s t a n d t h e n e c k . lie . I t i s m o s t easily u n d e r s t o o d i f y o u s t u d y the h a n d positions. This exercise is u s e d to free the u p p e r part o f t h e b o d y .

place your arms out to your sides. your hands palm d o w n .on the floor with your knees up. N o w t a k e a breath i n a n d roll y o u r h a n d s a n d a r m s u p i n 45 .

y o u r b a c k will a r c h a n d y o u r h e a d will r o l l b a c k . n o t i c e y o u r c h e s t will c o m e u p .the d i r e c t i o n o f y o u r h e a d . . . .

Your five time times. Repeat this breath each contracted on t i m e y o u r c h e s t rises a n d l e t t i n g i t o u t e a c h the forward movement.N o w roll y o u r h a n d s i n t h e o p p o s i t e d i r e c t i o n a n d let y o u r b r e a t h o u t again. do the same your chest 47 . whole taking is a arm and shoulder. Next. n e c k a n d h e a d will follow.

rotation of the h a n d s . b u t this time change the motions of . In o t h e r w o r d s . w h e r e y o u r h e a d was rolling back now it should come forward as y o u inhale. and . arms and shoulders. . adding pressure to y o u r chest . y o u r head a n d n e c k . .

it should n o w be back as y o u exhale. 49 . a s y o u d o i t n o t e h o w m u c h m o r e free y o u r m o v e m e n t s are. r e t u r n t o t h e o r i g i n a l exercise.where y o u r head was forward. D o t h i s f i v e t i m e s . Change only t h e h e a d a n d n e c k m o t i o n . N o w .

H e r e ' s a less c o m p l i c a t e d e x e r c i s e t o free t h e c h e s t a n d n e c k . . enlarging your chest cavity ( b r e a t h e in as m u c h as possible). T a k e a b r e a t h a n d raise y o u r a r m s up a n d over y o u r head in a high arch.

a s y o u let y o u r b r e a t h o u t . 51 . A s y o u t a k e a b r e a t h i n . Do this 5 t i m e s . t h i s t i m e l e t t i n g y o u r a r m s fall ( 5 t i m e s ) . p u t y o u r a r m s b a c k d o w n . P u t y o u r arms d o w n again. a n d to get y o u to begin to b r e a t h e a little m o r e d e e p l y . p u t y o u r a r m s d o w n . t a k e a b r e a t h in. D o t h i s s e q u e n c e o f r a i s i n g y o u r a r m s over y o u r h e a d a s y o u b r e a t h e i n a n d l o w e r i n g t h e m a s y o u b r e a t h e o u t five t i m e s . N o w r e v e r s e t h e p r o c e s s . raise y o u r a r m s i n a n a r c h o v e r y o u r h e a d . N o w go b a c k to t h e original w a y . T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e all d e s i g n e d t o loosen the chest.A s y o u let y o u r b r e a t h g o .

this is suppose to be happening.At this point you may begin to feel some tingling in your face and hands. If you arc paying attention you'll notice this same tingling present in an orgasm. Do not be alarmed. Just allow these to come up. 52 . unless it is shut off by restricted breathing. you are beginning to learn to tolerate excitement! This feeling of tingling is present in our bodies all the time when we let go and pay attention to it. Keep breathing. and you may find some feelings (emotions) beginning to emerge. It merely means you are alive! What you are experiencing is an exaggeration of your natural awareness of being alive.

Slow in your breathing breathing the scope of what we pace.The feelings you may be experiencing. This is contract. you've gone much beyond wish often to do. Your may also tingle. Let them happen. A closed fist may mean anger or that you are holding something in. many people grasp at the bed and hold on to it as they approach orgasm. palms up in a receptive position. Let yourself experience what they are. This if great hands begin to will the that to continue. but avoid thinking about them or analyzing them. the way you hold your hands often can be an indication of your feelings. let your hands rest open. gets so tingling in your hands your hands begin too far. You probably have just been holding them under control by limiting your breathing. Holding on to your feelings is reflected your hands. Try not to hold on as you exercise. if they are this close to the surface are not new. 53 . Begin to pay attention to t h e m as though they were an interesting phenomenon.

Begin to massage your forehead by placing your hands on your brow and stroking. stroke outward. and neck self-massage. Pretend that you're just wiping the emotions from your brow and removing them. Allow your brow to be relaxed and comforted.Head. massaging from side to side. Let yourself go. face. 54 . Start at the center. carrying your strokes clear around to behind your ear. stroking the brow.

Feel the tension in the muscles along the ridge at the base of your skull (the occipital ridge the with ridge the where your scalp in line is attaches. almost directly ears). you have work with the back of the neck as well as the forehead to relieve tension forehead.Put your hands behind your head and feel your neck. or a milk bottle. but a ball is more comfortable) and place it at the back of your neck. The neck and muscles. This tension part of the tension that you hold in your forehead. The scalp is a one-piece facial ligament that attaches both in the front at the forehead and in neck. the back of the has also the the most most to Therefore. tension. One of the things you can do to relieve this tension is to take a small firm ball (a Coke bottle will do. Now let your head relax in your scalp and 55 .

Be sure to continue your breathing. If so. This exercise releases a large amount of that held tension.o n t o the ball. . then continue. Allow yourself to completely let it go. sometimes this tension and discomfort is enough to stop your breathing rhythm and make you tighten elsewhere in your body. begin to roll your head. Start by placing your t h u m b s just along the 56 . stop the exercise until you have your breathing and tingling pattern going again. You will know what area is tense . Tension in the neck or back of the head can be a source of headache and stiffness. . The next area of awakening is the area just above the eyes along the eyebrows and in between the eyes. feeling for tense areas. you will feel a lump or bulge in the back of your head and maybe a feeling of soreness there.

These and many more feelings may come to you as you release the massage..ridge of the eyebrows. allow the feeling associated with this motion to come out. encourage these feelings to be expressed. one stroke with each breath. Massage the area with the heel of your hand. . Carry the stroke around to the temples. express the " n o " by shaking your head. . experience letting go and your breathing. be aware of any holding or tension in the fan-shaped area above the ear (this is the temporalis muscle). . then watch it p a s s . Massage this area with a stroking motion. that to happen. merely continue your inquiry. fretting. This area is associated with clenching your teeth and jaw. just let it roll from side to side .. or you may feel like moving your head in a " n o " motion. and if a thought or a feeling does come to you just allow it. As this area is released. Sometimes this is expressed as "I w a n t " or "I will". Go ahead. Do this at least 10 times. d o u b t s . . 57 . you may become aware of aggressive or angry feelings. especially between the eyes. You use this area of your face area through to express such feelings as worries. When you come to the area around your temple. keep your breathing going.

but keep your breathing going. staring quality that many people's eyes develop. "milking" out the puffy areas just below the eye sockets and making a continual motion around to the top of the ears and the back of the head. Do this 10 times. carrying the stroke clear around again to the temple area. begin to stroke just below the eyes.Now with the three middle fingers of the hand. This motion helps to get rid of bags and lines around the eyes. it also relieves the hard. 58 . cold.

You will find that a great deal of the tension that was held in your face has been relaxed. As your massage moves down your face to your cheek you may find yourself feeling like you wish to cry. things may look very much clearer. 59 . putting this new awareness to use. Use a "wiping-away" m o t i o n . look around the r o o m . Continue your massage down your face to your cheeks.It is interesting to note that after you work with the muscles around the eye you may discover that you have new energy in your eyes. if you can. feel the muscles beneath your fingers. allow the tears to come until they are finished. j u s t allow yourself to cry. If this begins to happen. Rub with circular motions and firm pressure. exercise your eyes. You may have a new consciousness of what you see when you open and close your eyes.

and nature . Now go to the lower lip and chin. . you may discover feelings of laughter. let the experience happen. the major jaw muscle for clamping the jaw shut.When massaging your of a pleasant upper lip. 60 . The area from just below the j a w up to the ear is the masseter. Again. Don't forget to give this muscle firm pressure and massage it in a circular motion. such as running in the country. or the fantasies memory of a pleasant childhood outing. . paying particular attention to the corners of the m o u t h .

Remember to allow your breathing to continue at a full. as if you were in a stupor. and go on from there. relaxed rate. smoothly-flowing. and open and close your mouth. etc. The point is that if you feel these things pay to them. may be associated attention with this area. Now take your lower jaw in your hands. let them happen. the look of sadness around the eyes which holds tears and sorrow. The constant "nice guy" smile which hides anger or aggression. a feeling of terror or panic like not being able to escape. if your breathing pattern is broken. clicking your teeth together — about 32 times. reestablish it before beginning again. 61 . you can experience the feelings. the "hostess" smile. or its female counterpart. hold it. and that you are allowing them to come u p .The emotions and expressions that are held in this cheek area seem to be some of the most dramatic yet the easiest to release. See if you can let your jaw become more relaxed.

breathing. you can begin to been making the sounds see the connection were doing this Come with the sounds you make and your breathing. b u t most particularly anger. a quivering chin. There are the you should have your jaw. you will find that a great many feelings and expressions associated with your "character" or " m a s k " may come to the surface. sound and the way you hold tension in your chest. During sexual excitation many people hold their jaws very tense. and tears are released at this point. I have devised a padded barrel (I call it the Rosenberg barrel) which is a convenient way of working with breath. As tensions are released here it is useful to stretch your j a w out and raise your upper lip in a snarl — and growl. but doing this will dissipate some stored anger. do if you so the next time you practice these exercises. some chronic emotions that seem to be released when working around the mouth and jaw. Sometimes helplessness. but it is also one of the major means of blocking feelings and their expression. and begin the movement exercises. (A word of caution: don't do any exercise that is uncomfortable or painful. which is what you are after.As you work with between massage. close their eyes and block a great deal of the feelings of excitement that want to come out during intercourse. You may feel strange. which may be expressed when the area is released. It is obvious that as you do these exercises. 62 . Now let's move on to the chest. As you that didn't. feelings of pitifulness. Over A Barrel. hold their faces very rigid. A great deal of tension is held in the jaw. particularly those which involve bending backwards. The face is a major means of expressing feelings. The gesture of turning down the corners of the mouth (as a negating statement) is also associated with these negative feelings. Now make a vowel sound to go with your expression. Releasing the tension n o w will increase your feelings in intercourse. You will be very interested to note how many of your feelings you hold or " b l o c k " in your face.

you had better skip this one. then covered with canvas or leatherette. If you don't wish to go to that effort. and tie it with a rope or two. It is merely a keg about 18 inches in diameter and 3 feet long. just wrap a blanket around a barrel.) The construction of the barrel is very simple. padded with a piece of foam rubber.if you have back troubles. 63 .

that your breathing is up and your back against the yourself comfortable.Before make sure you begin this exercise. as 64 . and make Raise your arms up over your head and. that you have some tingling in your hands or body. Sit with barrel.

you'll find that there's one place in your back. or a couple of places. When this happens. ahhhhh.you take a breath in. the sound you're making will seem to stop or be forced at those places. As you roll. roll back and forth over that area to encourage releasing the area. let a sound o u t . that are tense. . . Also. roll back on the barrel. .

the sound is one continuous a hhhhhhh . You don't have to have a barrel. Do this until you have freed yourself of these tense areas and your sound doesn't change as you roll. In other words.Now start up the barrel again. 66 . but using a barrel allows you to roll back and forth at the rate and degree to which you feel most comfortable. . or any number of things. you could use a stool or the end of a couch. some pillows rolled u p . .

and open your chest as much as possible. you'll want to stretch your back.Many times the tension that you feel on the barrel is right at the point below the diaphragm. This is the major place that you'll want to put pressure. 67 . . . If you don't have a barrel .

68 . This exercise often elicits a fear of falling in many people and is akin to the same feeling of loss of control that comes with orgasm or "falling in love.After you've opened the diaphragm. When you can do this. you can roll on back. Pay attention to your breathing and notice where on the roll you tense up and stop yourself. your whole torso will be opened for deeper breathing. you won't fall. Work these places back and forth until they open. and keep rolling back and forth until you're able to rest your shoulders on the floor with only your pelvis supported by the barrel." Fear not.

Bounce your pelvis vigorously at least 25 times on each side.The Pelvic Bounce. 69 . if this happens. hit or beat a pillow. raise your hips off the ground and bounce your pelvis. As you're lying on the floor with your knees u p . You are now ready to move further down t h e b o d y and into your pelvic area. You may waste the whole price of the book. Then turn over and bounce it the other way. This exercise may release stored anger. See page 103.) It is helpful to put your feet against the wall as you bounce. (if you are male and you have an erection don't do this part. This will awaken your pelvis and it will begin to come alive.

it is important that you begin to change the emphasis on your breathing. let your pelvis rotate back. as you take a breath in. Now begin a kind of mental gymnastics to change the origin of your breath . . You have been breathing in and out through your nose and mouth. imagine you're pulling the air in through your genitals and exhaling out through the same place.Pelvic rocking. Your first motion is to slightly cock your pelvis back as you take a breath in. In other words. practice just the breathing part until you've got it. 70 . . If you have trouble doing this and imagining your breath is coming in and out your genitals at the same time. Allow that to happen any time it feels comfortable. and breath out — pelvis forward. and then as you let it out. At this point. let your pelvis rotate forward. But keep your m o u t h open. place your hands on your pelvis and. arching your back very slightly. it should now be centered on your genital area. Hold the pelvis there until you're ready to inhale again. So it's breathe in pelvis back. Your pelvis may want to bounce. and keep sighing as you exhale. Lying on your back again.

letting air out. with your whole torso. Just rock your pelvic rotation is the proper way to thrust during intercourse. you can only thrust rigidly. drop your arms to your side and continue the movement in a relaxed manner fifteen times. 71 . Your exhalation should be a letting-go. Your stomach shouldn't be tight. Do not force the pelvis forward very lightly. If you do not let your pelvis rotate freely. Once you get the hang of pelvic rotation. This movement.Once you're sure of your pelvic movement. you'll prefer it to whatever you've been doing.

Now. Practice it very slowly. Breathe and do this pelvic rock for at least 5 minutes. at the same time you exhale. paying attention to your . Try to relax those extra muscles. This is the major movement that you want to synchronize at this time: your breath with your pelvic rotation. you'll begin to see how natural the phenomenon of pelvic movement is. be sure your breath goes out when your pelvis comes forward. reach downward with your arms. then stop reaching and just breathe and rock your pelvis back and forward. Once you've got it. Pay attention to how you tense yourself by moving more muscles than are necessary to do this simple rocking of the pelvis. Do this about 10 times.

. As your pelvis 73 . all of a sudden your neck may get tense. Stop if you feel tension coming into your neck. being sure that your breath is "drawn in through the genitals" when the pelvis tilts back. some shaking and tingling on the inside of your legs. or you may feel pain some other place in your body.. or a headache may start. This merely means that the energy flow has moved downward.breath. and goes out through them when the pelvis tilts forward. You rnay find that now you arc getting some vibrations. these feelings more comfortable. Slapping your legs together or rubbing and light massage make Strange things may start happening now.

Do this same thing .moves. get your breathing started again . so as you begin to loosen up your start pelvis. your neck should release again. it is most common to get tension reflected back up into your neck.massage plus starting over again — for tension anywhere else in your b o d y . back the tension may shift up to your neck. . paying attention to it as you go along. . because the neck and the pelvis work together. if so. with smoothly again. start massaging your neck. The way you hold your head and the way that you hold your pelvis are coordinated. 74 . and again slowly work up to your pelvic movement. With a little work.

One way of rapidly starting the breathing pattern and increasing your tingling is to pant with the chest only.. or moving in any way. The sequence is: draw air into your chest and pant 6 times. in your exercises to quickly resume your previous level of Pelvic which is Lift. Panting. as you go about your life. dancing. Then try to see how you reflect this to your if you can catch this sequence often enough you can save yourself a lot of tension headaches. Do this after any interruption "charge". It also gets your energy.During the day. Repeat this sequence about 10 times and your breathing and tingling will be started.. (snake-like lift of pelvis) This is a yoga and dance exercise to emphasize the proper motion of the final pelvic orgastic reflex. pay attention to the amount of tension you hold in your pelvis when you d o n ' t need neck to. which has been designed movements of the 75 . while walking. then do one long exhalation.

Start by taking a breath in and cocking your pelvis back' then as you expel your air out (remember to imagine your air coming in and .aroused by your breathing. in other words. into your feet . . . grounding the energy. The pelvic lift is similar to the way a snake lifts off the ground. one vertebrae at a time.

.out through your genitals) raise your pelvis off the ground. one vertebrae at a time until you are resting on your shoulders and feet.

letting your pelvis stay cocked forward or up until the last moment.Now come back down reversing the process. h o w your energy bounces back from the ground or your feet to your pelvis. as I said. This. the pelvis moved forward. Begin the sequence again by taking a breath and cocking your pelvis back only when you're ready to breathe again. breath out. is the final movement in an orgasm: that is. Be sure to come back d o w n one vertebrae at a time. Practice this at least 8-10 times each session. Do this exercise in a very slow movement. throughout It is most critical especially to feel the spreading of excitement your body. 78 . Your stomach is not tight at this point: it should be relaxed with the pelvis up and forward. feet grounded.

Bioenergetic Bridge. This exercise is really an exaggeration of the last exercise that you did. Sometimes by exaggerating, the feeling of the muscles can be brought to your attention far more easily. I don't recommend this exercise for everybody; it's pretty strenuous. J u s t do it if you wish to further cement your feeling of pelvic activation. Place your fists underneath your heels. Then slowly bring yourself up on your head, bridging, like wrestlers d o , from your head to your heels. As you breathe, let your pelvis rotate back in the

same easy breathing manner that you used in pelvic rocking. Breathe forward and back in this alternative position to get the feeling of moving your pelvis. What you're starting to do now is to get into the concept of "grounding," of getting your energy movement down into your feet. At the same time, you are getting your pelvic movement and your breath better coordinated.

79

Grounding against a wall. Put your feet up against a wall and do your breathing movement, rocking your pelvis back as you inhale; now exhale

rocking it forward and lifting off the floor, one vertebrae at a time until you're on your shoulders, feet on the wall.

80

Hold here until you feel like coming down. You can begin to get the feeling of using the extensor muscles on the front of your thighs to pull the pelvis up and

forward, and of grounding your energy into the floor (the wall, in this case) or into your feet. Do this 5-10 times slowly. Remember to breathe in and o u t of your genital area.

81

On all fours. This exercise is similar to the last exercise, but turned over. Your feet are against the wall; rock your pelvis back (inhaling) and then

come

forward with your pelvis (exhaling), pushing with your hands on the

floor and pushing against the wall with your heels. Then come back slowly to

All these exercises are ways of getting your energy down into y o u r feet. As you do t h e m . 83 .your starting position. you may begin to feel tight and tense again. and of pushing up with your pelvis. Do this one 5-7 times.

buttocks up and knees apart. As you begin to pay attention to where you're holding on.If tension occurs. you must go back and find where you're holding on You may have stopped breathing. Allow yourself to just breathe in this position for awhile and relax 84 . you'll find that many times the inguinal area (the area just above the pubic area) and the belly are very tight. The Belly Rest. so start again. An excellent exercise to relieve tension in the inguinal area is to turn over and lie with your head on the floor.

Take a breath. This is particularly comfortable to a woman. for if her uterus is slightly tilted (prolapsed). from the stress of holding your legs together. The position also relaxes tensions in the belly. it will right itself in this position. rocking your pelvis back.a bit giving that area a chance to let go. 85 . Another place tension appears frequently is in the inner thighs.

Particularly important here is the idea of being receptive. breathing slowly and easily. but not only. of letting air come in as you inhale and then imagining letting someone "penetrate" (particularly. Relax your stomach muscles as you do this exercise. Repeat about 10-15 times.and then as you let your breath out. 86 . for women). open your legs and exhaling through imagine you're the genital area.

Do this six or seven times. and then back down on t h e ground.Allow your legs to fall apart and open. Pay attention to your breathing. 87 . Now. Put your hands on your belly to make sure that you're not using the stomach muscles to draw your legs up.Knee Circles. draw your legs up very slowly. so that your legs come up over your body. Here is an exercise that is useful to help you in letting go of your legs and stomach muscles. drag your heels.

You sit with xx . the inner muscles of our legs that we use to keep our legs together.The "Little Bird". Many of us have spent years building our " m o r a l i t y " muscles. The "little bird" is a Yoga exercise that can be very useful for opening the muscles on the insides of the legs. This is an alternative exercise. for allowing that opening to take place.

drawing them as close to your body as possible. Do this about 15 times. 89 . very much as a bird would fly. Then lean over. Now raise and lower your legs in a flying-type movement. exhaling. Repeat this sequence at least 3 times. hold your feet with both hands.the soles of your feet together. and try to put your head o n t o your feet. This stretches the " m o r a l i t y " muscles in between the legs. and also stretches the neck and back.

a flaccid. This is an exercise you can practice any time or place you choose: standing in line for a movie. on a bus — nobody will ever know. hold for a count of three. then let go. practice you will learn to contract it without contracting the stomach Now bear d o w n like you're trying to push something out of your vagina. Take one teste in each hand and gently pull down on them one time for each year of your life (if you are 3 5 . such as occurs in sexual penetration. 90 . Pull down. lie down and start your breathing pattern. This exercise is a Japanese massage technique for those men whose testes and penises are held up tight most of the time. To do the exercise. It is a means of bringing relaxation and awareness to the scrotum and testes and it helps loosen genital tension. to return tone and flexibility to this area. you should be able to feel the contractions. Continue to breathe regularly. try stopping your urine flow. and as you exhale. By inserting a finger in your vagina. the more pleasure it can give you as it is stretched by penetration. It is rich in sensitive nerve endings. flabby pubococcygeus won't afford you much feeling at all. which are stimulated by pressure from inside the vagina. This is an exercise many women have found for increasing feeling in the genital area. or trying to urinate in a hurry. To locate this muscle. You may notice that you contract your stomach with muscles. This exercise is not recommended for those men whose testes hang quite freely. Just contract and relax the muscle. working up to 25 times each in two or three weeks. It can be done in any position and any time tension is present. then contract it and hold it for the count of three. pull each teste 35 times). Now contract your muscle while inhaling. relax the muscle. vagina. Do this several times whenever you think of it. you use this muscle to do that. it is frequently prescribed for The Pubococcygeus muscle is a broad band of muscle that surrounds the women who have just had babies. Do these exercises 10 times each. You and your sexual partner will both reap the benefits! The Japanese Testi-Pull. Then try contracting the muscle at other times. Obviously the more firm and better-toned this muscle is. pulling the muscle in with the intake of your breath.The useful Vaginal Squeeze. muscles when you contract the pubococcygcus muscle.

Sometimes this is difficult for people who arc not used to doing these kinds of exercises. This exercise throughout the of energy help you stimulates 91 . Put your arms in between your legs to add pressure to the inside of the legs. Then reach out in front of you with your arms. You may want to grab hold of something to maintain the flow this position. if you'll place a book under your heels it will make the exercise much easier.Squatting. Squatting helps to place the organs of the body in a good position and to open up and relax the genital area.

b o d y . Remember that the breathing is you are doing this and every exercise. You should have a steady pattern of breathing g o ing while least three minutes. Stay in this position for at the most important thing. 92 . and it also gets you in touch with the grounding of your heels so that you can feel your feet and your energy flow at the same time. All of this is done on while you are still breathing rhythmically.

Continue breathing deeply. which will help to pull your chest back. put your head backward. and lean back as far as you can. Feel the ground under your feet.Bioenergetic Bends. 93 . Here is a basic bioenergetic exercise which helps get energy streaming throughout the body. you'll find that your legs begin to vibrate and shake in a very short time. put your fists on the small of your back. As the energy gets going. Stand and turn your toes slightly inward.

94 . in like each position.Now lean over with your arms dangling to the ground. leaning more forward in the proper manner will allow the energy to flow better. You can do this exercise about three times backward and forward. This most of the others. Here is the incorrect position: the person's weight is too far back on his heels. holding for at least one minute exercise.

This will facilitate getting in touch with the feeling of moving energy to your feet by activating the extensor muscles of the as legs. vertebrae vertebrae up from the tailbone. off up against a wall. Cock your pelvis back a breath (through wall and. and in do the Pelvic Lift in this position. your back will the automatically. For example. remember) by breath come your push forward with your pubic area. so it is important that you allow and even encourage this release.tends to encourage the release of feelings. if in this exercise you should feel anger while in the back position. if you push hard 95 . snarl like a dog who is mad. This is a useful exercise for or growling. as you let your genitals. you Stand take out. exaggerate the expression of anger by sticking your chin out the feelingStepping out.

96 . or between projects at work to keep the feeling of moving o u t and down in mind. Step o u t five times with each foot. you will find that the extensor muscles of your legs have to come forward to catch your forward movement. and you get the feeling of forward motion. This exercise can be practiced any time while waiting for a bus.enough. When you take a step forward those muscles activate the pelvis.

of your or that you are no longer breathing correctly with Your pelvis forward. quiet. People who are physically handicapped in some way. 97 . warm conditions I discussed earlier. Although most of these exercises have to be done in private. The most important thing in the exercises is to keep movement breath. . when you can work through these exercises and not alter your breathing. any time you wish. even though they may be partially paralyzed. movements. lost track of the sequence your the of breathing. flowing manner as you take a pelvic during the orgastic reflex. Each time that you go from one exercise to another. backward and forward. you may find that you have stopped your breathing. then let it go. I have even found that pelvic rocking can be used on a trip in the car to keep my energy flowing.. . can increase their physical excitement by doing these exercises. Even if you have time for no other exercising. move your pelvis forward and imagine that your motion is helping to propel the car along the road! Try the Squatting exercise first thing in the morning. Merely take a breath in "through your genitals" and rock back. upward exhalation has to take place in an easy. As you let the breath out. For example. every time you walk or move begin to see how you hold o n t o your breath and your m o v e m e n t s . in the ideal. and yet have a very satisfactory loving relationship with another person. The exercises stimulate the autonomic nervous system and will help increase the level of excitement for anyone. notice where you carry your tension..These exercises have been designed to promote harmony between your pelvic movement and your breathing. a few can be done anywhere. At this point. this one will help get your energy started for the day. you are ready to begin work with a partner.

Make them part of your general health exercise program. after the major purposes of working together have been accomplished. T h e n .These exercises have been developed to arouse your total body energy in general as well as your sexual energy specifically. . They are excellent to continue even after you have begun working with a partner. in between sessions with your partner. the exercises can be continued as a way of keeping your energy tuned u p .

to increase it through making contact and sensing another's presence. When you work with another person. that the necessary in working with a partner to establish the responsibility for sexual excitement remains with each As soon as you begin to try to teach somebody else to tolerate excitement. It is absolutely understanding participant. Now the task is to keep that excitement in the presence of another person . in fact. You can do some things to facilitate it.Preliminaries for Working with a Partner As you move into the exercises for working with a partner. t h e major thing to be conscious of is your feeling a b o u t t h e relationship. . . You cannot get somebody else to enjoy anything. you are automatically defeated. or as soon as the motivation and the energy for these exercises comes from outside yourself rather than within. but you cannot make anybody else enjoy something. The exercises in Exercising Alone are ample for getting you in touch with your excitement and teaching you how to breathe and move so you can experience the smooth flow of your body in orgasm. for it is in the feeling realm t h a t y o u shut off your excitement and your pleasure. your major task is to bring the energy you've achieved through working alone into the new relationship. 99 .

perhaps even have an erection. Take care of yourself. "Francis. This will give you an opportunity to practice spreading your excitement throughout your b o d y instead of focusing it on your genitals. it is important that both of you put off immediate gratification for the sake of possible long-range gratification. your working together is doomed. you may become sexually aroused during the exercises. then you are going to decrease your possibility of working with the exercises successfully.I like to re-emphasize this point to those who feel it their duty to help their partner. not realizing that they often invade the o t h e r ' s space and rob him of his own right to develop his own potential. Although it doesn't happen routinely. If you are not willing to do the work. 1 am reminded of the Kazantzakis story of St. For this reason. in 'Satori. at one with the universe. There is no rule that says if you are sexually aroused you have to to discuss this possibility frankly with your satisfy that urge immediately." if you take the responsibility for your partner's excitement rather than leaving it to him. I recommend that when you work with a partner you do not go to orgasm. if you get charged up and go on to an orgasm before you are able to tolerate the charge for any length of time. and he said to God in a very worried voice. those others are mine. wretched.' All of a sudden. he began to think of all the poor. Keep moving and breathing. in total bliss and j o y . When you work with a partner. Enjoy your excitement and let it add charge to your exercises. suffering people who were not at his level of Bliss. what of those poor suffering people?" And a deep voice came from the heavens. these are exercises to increase your tolerance to excitement. Remember. It is important partner in advance and to establish your feelings about your sexual excitement with your partner beforehand. " B u t G o d . Francis who was standing on a hill. Later on we will talk about the use of the exercises 100 .

and also be aware of the presence and effect of the other person upon you . In order to work together you will have to open yourselves. Some women can achieve orgasm easily by masturbation. or coming together. a kind of sharing in this situation that neither of you may have been able to achieve before. Instead. as well as each to the other person. your partners have to relationship. These exercises for working together are to be done very slowly. The same areas of tightness have to be experienced again and again before you will begin to let them go. we no longer can tolerate these feelings. or with fantasy. and it will take time to pattern new responses. If you can work together this way. you may find a new kind of pleasure. and you upon him. we get feelings of embarrassment. It is really better to work alone than to work with an uncooperative or impatient partner. but when we get in the presence of a n o t h e r person. This may sound a bit difficult and discouraging. in an orgasm. Many of us can tolerate the sexual experiences or pleasurable feelings t h a t come with sex alone. etc. but the muscular patterns that defend your body were not developed overnight. . find it impossible to reach a climax. Both pay attention to themselves. Men more often find they reach a climax t o o soon. and your communications to each other. That is t h e proper time to think about releasing your charge. 101 . when with someone else. guilt. . and yet. It is extremely important w h e n working with a partner that you maintain contact and communication with t h a t person so that you can experience the feelings in your own body and allow them to occur.for increasing the excitement of foreplay and of the orgastic cycle. is part of the goal you will work toward. This coincidence of feeling. and both partners have to be willing to commit themselves to t h e project. This work cannot be hurried or rushed through in any way.

as you start breathing. Think of the b o d y as an iceberg. or that you have to d o . Crying or feelings of loneliness or wanting to be held are one type of emotion that may come up. It's your partner's j o b to let you know you can go through this. its insensitivity. We all have a number of things to cry about.As I have said before. If we didn't. Let these feelings out. Most of t h e iceberg's bulk is below the water. the only part that melts is the part above the surface. and allow. Another type that may arise in this work is anger 102 . these exercises will put you in close touch with your emotions. until you can get in touch with all your feelings. you can't possibly allow your pleasurable feelings to increase. Many m e n . if a baby cries. another part comes u p . Crying is a normal occurrence in this kind of work. is a continuous part of the growing process. you might " e x p l o d e " into feeling. the crying. Some people believe that because someone is crying or is into his feelings deeply. And so the melting process. in particular. We respond by picking him up to comfort him or to get him to quiet down. a huge iceberg that has had many years to build up its coldness. and its hard outer shell. stay in contact. so when the sun comes out and it begins to melt. something has to be done about it. he's usually trying to elicit some kind of influence on his environment to get something to happen. are not used to feeling like they are going to cry. the allowing of feelings. All of a sudden. Until you can "melt" some. you are to just merely be with your partner and allow him or her to have feelings. there is nothing that you can do about it. This is true whether you are working alone or with a partner. In this work. we wouldn't be h u m a n . As that part melts through. Just be there. You may have added discomfort if you are not used to exposing your feelings in the presence of another. you won't keep crying forever. you can feel like crying more easily w h e n you increase your overall feeling content. to reassure y o u .

or bite or chew or strangle the pillow.and resentment. If you get in touch with some anger. Just allow them to happen. These feelings may surprise 103 . The feelings must be let out. but not taken out on your partner. kick or hit a pillow.

you

by

their

intensity.

You

may

feel like you're going to kill yourself or

somebody else; you have "catastrophic expectations" which, when followed to their ultimate conclusions, will reveal themselves as unfounded fantasy. You can comfort yourself by knowing that you can turn these feelings off. You know how to do that; you've been doing it for a lifetime. If you are in a space where your feelings seem overwhelming, where you can't go on, you can always seek counsel, and I recommend very strongly you do seek or professional psychiatrist help if you even suspect Let you need it. Call a psychologist your feelings again. When and talk to him. someone else share your

feelings; this may be the most important thing in your life. If you shut off now and go back into your iceberg, you may never get to them someone begins to realize how turned off he is and seeks

professional help, it's usually a major step in his life.

if your feeling space doesn't seem " m o r e than you can handle," just return to it again later; it will be different then. Come back to it just as you do with your breathing . . . a little at a time. In this way, you will be able to work through the feeling; soon it will no longer bother you.

104

I've talked mostly about the emotions that go with this work. Other feelings that will arise, whether working alone or with your partner, are bodily feelings. As you breathe, you tingle and vibrate. Your body begins to twitch. Sometimes the energy gets so strong you feel that you just can't contain yourself. If so, stand up and j u m p around, turn some music on and dance . . . let the energy o u t , let it go.

if baby, and

the just

vibrations lie

become

so

strong slowly

that . . .

you your

feel

that

they're tingling,

overwhelming, put yourself on your side in a fetal position, curled up like a there, breathing breathing,

105

everything, will calm down in a couple of minutes. You have a safety valve; you can always shut the energy off. If your partner gets into this space, many times by just having him curl up in the fetal position and holding him, you can be of help. Put your arms around him very much like you hold a baby, not around his head, but around his b o d y .

What if these exercises d o n ' t work? You might say, "I've done all of the breathing, and I do my pelvic movements, then I j u m p in bed, and as soon as I look at my girlfriend I go off." Or, "I work as hard as I can and I still can't have an orgasm. I've tried all your suggestions; y o u ' r e full of baloney." It may be that you've fallen into a "performance trap" in your sexual relationship, and you automatically act a certain way. T h e more you can stay

106

in touch with yourself during intercourse, the easier you can realize whether this is what's happening to y o u . Such a problem is, in my opinion, beyond the scope of any book. If the exercises still seem to have no effect on you after several weeks of work this could be a sign that some form of counseling would be useful. These exercises were not designed for people who have a serious problem with sex. There are sex clinics in most urban centers now which are set up to help with just such difficulties.

In A"

describing B,"

this

set of exercises, I often

need to distinguish none of which are

one clear

partner from the other, and have run into language difficulties. I tried "Partner and "Partner " D o e r " and " H e l p e r , " etc. enough. Nothing seemed adequately descriptive without being bulky. I settled on "active" and "passive" as a compromise, with the reservation that when I use the word "passive" I am implying a passive (that is open, receptive) participation. Begin with your partner by deciding upon a series of times to meet; allow at least one to two hours for each session, perhaps three times a week. My advice is that each of you take a full session or week of sessions in each role as "active" or "passive," then switch roles for the next session or week of sessions. Don't try to trade roles after each exercise or you will lose your energy charge and your r h y t h m .

You may not be able to work through the entire sequence for several sessions. If you do them all the first session, you are working t o o fast and need to spend more time on each exercise, if you can, imagine yourself moving in slow motion - that's the way this work should be done.

107

. One possible way of working so that you won't have to stop and refer back to the book all the time is to record an outline of the exercise sequence on a tape recorder. Perhaps there will be some things that you wish to leave out . that where you left off the body unenergized part of your "getting acquainted" exercises need only be done for the first session or so after that. from don't go on would leave from rocking the pelvis up to and including previous session that time.The sequence up to lifting and rocking the pelvis may be accomplished perhaps in each because the first two hours. Take your time. Some of the breathing exercises you did when working alone can easily be used for this purpose... you may sometimes find that you will want to take more time with the breathing sequence. or to add from the chapter on Working Alone. skip them and go directly to your breathing and movement. and therefore will have to extend your total exercise time. to get your breath energy up. The grounding should take another hour. As you do these exercises. . Start each session at the beginning exercise time. relax into the exercises and enjoy! 108 .

Working with a Partner
When exercising with a partner, it is not necessary to work in the nude. In fact nudity sometimes gets in the way. if it turns out that this is the case, that your nudity creates unreal expectations, then put some clothes on. The most important thing is to get used to being with another person. Being with another means accepting where he or she is . . . not expecting anything, demanding anything, feeling any demand on yourself or putting any expectations on yourself. When this is possible, when you can really look at the other person with acceptance, without making a demand, then it is possible to begin to work together, if you can't do this, then you should discuss what it is that keeps you from doing it. Name what it is you want from the other person; make your demands explicit. Consider this an important part of the exercise and try to get to a place free of demands before you begin. Sensing another. After you have established your relationship verbally, the first thing to do is to lie down together, each with a hand on the other's belly close to the solar plexis, and feel the other person's rhythm. You may notice quite a bit of nervousness now and that your partner's belly might be quivering slightly. In this position, you can feel his heart and how it beats. You can feel his excitement. Lie this way for at least five minutes by the clock ... until your r h y t h m s have begun to flow together. At this point you'll

109

notice

that

your

breaths seem

to come somewhat at the same time. Don't

make any effort to have this happen. Just lie still and pay attention to the other person's breath r h y t h m . Eye-alogue. This

is a silent, no-sound-at-all exercise. Sit up, as in the illustration, join hands and look at each other. As you join hands, do so in

110

such a way that you hold each other equally. You are not holding your partner's hands any more than she is holding yours. Sit in this position for a

bit and begin to look in each other's eyes to establish the feeling of presence. By "presence" I mean are you here? Is your partner here? It is possible to be present in the b o d y , physically in the room, b u t not present with your whole being.

Sometimes just being present with another person is enough to cause you to become nervous, turn off, go away, close up, or alter or stop your breathing. Look at the other person; see if she's present, and acknowledge her. Continue this eye-alogue for a time; continue to make contact. (An eye-alogue 's similar to a dialogue; the difference is that you use your eyes only.) Remember, don't talk during this exercise . . . just look.

Now

each

of you close your eyes and Try to

put

your attention into y o u r

body, inside yourself.

find your center, a place of calmness inside

111

yourself. Experience what it is like to be with yourself. Stay " t h e r e " for at least a minute. Now come back to the present. Open your eyes and be aware of your partner again. What is it like to be " h e r e ? " How do you feel here?" Compare this " h e r e " with your " t h e r e , " your inner self. Go inside again. Experience your "inside" more fully . . . come back again . . . open your eyes now, and again make contact with your partner. Each of you can continue to shuttle back and forth between the " h e r e " and the " t h e r e , " comparing your inner experience with your outer. This several contact By and withdrawal shuttling from can a be very useful to you, in into your physical

ways.

withdrawing

briefly

situation

experience or your inner self, you can usually get some rest and support; then you can come back to the present with more energy . . . you can cope better. Many times you'll discover " t h e r e " inside what is missing " h e r e . " I'll talk a bit more about contact and withdrawal in the chapter on Losing Your Mind.

Now, come and be present in the " h e r e " with your partner, and bring your attention to your hands and to those of your partner. Silent have a "hand-voice" conversation Find to speak with out your hands. about Imagine your then that allow your hands can speak or by letting your imagined hands to your partner's

voice.

partner

partner,

"answer." Each partner imagines a conversation between the hands, but neither speaks out loud. A conversation could go like this: " I ' m holding you tightly because I feel nervous and I feel your calmness reassuring m e . " Your partner's hands might answer: "Please don't be afraid; I will not hurt y o u , " or "I too am tense and am holding on to y o u . " Continue this imagined dialogue as long as your hands can express what you feel; then talk about these exercises with your partner. Tell him what has been happening in you and how you are feeling right now. Talk about your feelings during the "eye-alogue" too and h o w they changed or didn't change when you went "inside" . . . talk about what your hand " s a i d " and what his hand " a n s w e r e d " during your silent conversation with hands.

112

. And that's how they treat someone else. " an object. Now put your hands on both sides of your partner's head while he puts his hands on either side of your head. as "I . " Look at your partner and say aloud: "I . 113 .i t . This will give you a feeling for what it's like to treat a person as an object. Do this before reading further. " that's how you held the person .it. So if you described what you held between your hands as an " i t . Many people.I — Thou. Describe to each other what's between your hands. . when they describe what's between their hands." still holding o n t o his head. refer to their partner's head as " i t .

about knowing him as " T h o u . and a little of me is in you. that when " t h o u " is spoken there is no thing for an object. I . talk to your partner of your feelings about this exercise.Thou. but as another person. try another statement . The " t h o u " implies that a little of you is in me. "I — y o u " involves a separateness. A relational process is taking place which both of you are sharing. " Say "I . a " y o u " out there. An " i t " can only exist through being bounded by another " i t .y o u " to your partner a couple of times. " no " i t . Now try "1 — t h o u . This experience .Thou relationship there is a sense of caring for another as you care for yourself. both things are bound by each other. "I — y o u . " Martin Buber said in his book. This will establish what it's like to treat a person not as an object. but in the I . " 114 . you treat yourself also in that manner. When there is a thing there exists another thing. "I — y o u " is still not relational. there is no " t h i n g .of both of us together in the "I Thou relationship — I want to encourage! This is a good exercise for opening up to your friend or mate. " But when " t h o u " is spoken.Now. . If you treat another as an object. Again. It's a " t h o u " that experiences both of us together. and we share that relationship with the infinite being. " for " t h o u " has no bounds. The speaker has taken a stand in relation to another. .

Now rub your hands together rapidly for a minute to generate heat and energy in 115 .Sensing another's energy. your partner on the floor. Sit opposite your hands.

" even though you don't touch her hands. about a quarter-of-an-inch to an inch apart. You will feel the other person's presence or "vibrations.Put your hands up next to each other. Close your eyes n o w and with your hands 116 .

" don't touch.still almost-together. Extend this to a movement or " d a n c e . Keep your eyes closed during this " d a n c e " and you'll find o u t who's 117 . feel t h e other person's presence with your hands. b u t be aware of where t h e o t h e r person is.

It's amazing how much you can sense with your eyes closed. then flow to the other. 118 . talking will only distract you. You are getting in touch with your partner's sensitivity to you and with your sensitivity to her. Allow this movement to happen. Start on your knees.leading. Take turns. let the lead come from one of you. move to a standing position. Allow your movements to be slow and gentle. Keep silent during the exercise.

talk about what you discovered about yourself and about her. The "passive" partner begins by lying on her back with her knees up. The "active" partner 119 . Saying "Hello" without words. who does them. All 'the exercises in this chapter are directed to the "active" participant to read to the "passive" partner.Now share your experiences verbally with your partner. you'll switch places later so both of you will experience both roles. in the breathing position. Share how it felt to be active or passive.) Choose which of you wishes to be "passive" first." (Remember both partners are actually active participants in this process. For the rest of these exercises. one partner will be "active" and the other "passive. the follower or the leader.

but at a distance. " Your caring for your partner helps you get into t h a t place. " with that part of the other person that shares with you this time and space dimension called " n o w . .kneels behind. and begins by merely putting his hands next to his partner's ears. not touching. allowing her to feel the presence of his hands. Keep your hands next to your partner's ears for a minute or so. somewhat in the way the sensitivity " d a n c e " is done . . The most important thing you can do for yourself is be with another " t h o u . 120 .

121 . Notice any tension in your own body. you will certainly promote the proper atmosphere for doing these exercises. in the way you touch your partner and while you are with your partner. If you review the Movement you'll understand what you should be seeing now . (If you can continually keep in mind t h e word holding and experience the care that this word implies. while you begin to make your breath move with her breath. The receptive or passive partner just breathes normally. Watch y o u r chapter on Breathing and rhythm to your o w n . . . where you feel tight as you're breathing. her breath as a "wave. begin to breathe with her.Now hold your partner's head. partner's chest and belly move.) As you hold. as you match your partner's breath you'll find that you can feel in your own b o d y where she is holding on." Slowly.

so just rest your fingers on these areas 122 . The upper chest. in the clavicle area. Your partner will feel the energy from your hand. are constricted in many people. put your hand over any tight area you see on your partner's b o d y . Without touching your partner. and the lower chest. Now you are going to help your partner develop a smooth breathing pattern. Many times this energy will enable her to relax her body.Developing a breathing pattern. at the solar plexus.

to encourage her to let the air out completely and use this increased torso space for better breathing. then the other. add a little pressure first on one area. as your partner exhales. .and.

Now as your partner takes a breath. more regular. increasing your pressure as the air is expressed out and decreasing it as movement. push down on the chest with the palm of your hand. about 5 minutes should do. 124 . Regulate your pressure to follow her breathing Work in this way until her breathing Stay sensitive to her rhythm. she inhales. seems deeper.

What you're trying to do now is make your partner aware that she should be breathing with her chest first and then with her belly. participate in a complete breath. The "passive" partner. Now. chest and belly. As 1 explained in your first exercises. some people are "belly" breathers and will go belly first. with both of them going down together on the exhalation. Do not touch her at first. You'll find that as you do this your partner may begin to " h o l d " 125 . brings her chest up first and then her belly up. push down and help expel the air out. if your partner breathes belly first and chest second. go along with that sequence. then both down. as she inhales. The important thing is that both parts. However.Now put one hand over your partner's belly and one hand over her chest and again bring your awareness to the belly-chest area. to touch your hands. as her chest and belly go down together.

in t h e chest by tightening some chest muscles. if you take both hands and put t h e m just above the chest (just below the clavicle) and add pressure just at the final tip of the exhalation. it will force the upper chest to participate in the breathing. 126 .

this will help your partner a great deal to "let g o . " As you work on tight areas in his chest. 127 . in the upper chest where the musculature is. so if you can massage the muscles of the chest just above the breast area. and his b o d y should be more relaxed.The pectoralis muscles of the chest sometimes become quite tense. your partner should be breathing deeper.

as he out.if you're working with a man. remember these are very heavy muscles and if you're smaller than he is. So. you might have to add quite a bit of pressure to be effective. you're not going to break any ribs. and then lean forward. putting your b o d y pressure o n t o his chest to help force that breath 128 . but you are going to assist him to begin to use his chest better in his breathing pattern. Don't worry. take your pressure off the chest. takes a breath in.

in the muscles running up the back and along the side of the head.Your partner now may begin to feel a tingling in the face and some tingling in the hands. Pressure and massage in these areas greatly reduces the amount 129 . as in the exercises when working alone. Many times tension is held in the neck.

Come up the back of the neck to the back of the head and the muscle at the attachment of the scalp. where a great deal of tension is held. not just your fingers. lifting up with your strokes. to massage the back of the neck. Use your hands. 130 .of tension.

131 . and work through each exercise back up to this tolerance for being touched has increased. start the breathing pattern again by placing your the breathing pattern has been re-established. you may find that your partner has stopped breathing. one Once If so. using light pressure and circular motions to massage the area. and your partner's hand on your partner's chest. go again to the neck and continue to loosen it up.By the time you get here. go back.

Stroke the brow. the rest of your hands resting on the temples. Begin by putting your thumbs together in the middle of the forehead. bringing your thumbs alongside the brow and down across the eyebrows. 132 .Now we move the massage to the face.

133 .Do this a number of times.

is used when you bite d o w n . 134 .When you get to the sides of the head. the temporalis. This muscle. use the heel of your hand to massage along the temple and the side of the head area. and a great deal of holding takes place in this area.

Always carry the strokes on around to the sides of the head. Now bring your thumbs across the upper lip. again the stroke is carried around the sides of the face. Go below the eyes and start at the sides of the nose . . beginning at the center. and massage along the sides of the jaw. 135 . .

Massage the muscle in the jaw in little circular motions. Then do the lower jaw t h e same way. going around the chin to the muscles of the jawbone." and a great many feelings 136 . This facial massage helps to break down the "mask of holding.

As these feelings come up your again your partner's breathing will tend to catch and stop.come up. paying attention to the upper chest in particular. If your partner feels like crying. 137 . encourage that emotion by holding his face with both hands. so go back to beginning breath work again. including feelings of relaxation and comfort.

For some. and her feelings regarding the amount of your massage. So it's important at this time that the "passive" or receptive person point out where it is that she wants more. a light pressure is that you are using in she's almost a tickling feeling as opposed to being relaxing. And t o o firm a touch on the face may be uncomfortable. 138 . or less.It where pressure is important at this point that the "passive" partner communicate feeling her tension.

T h e tingling flow. are there any vibrations or if there is. the better her energy exercise is also good to use here. Have her shake her legs if she feels like it. . get in a position so that your partner's b u t t o c k s are on a level with your lower back. and in her parts of her body are tingling. This is an exercise for developing trust as well as a good way of opening the chest and body so that it is moving and breathing more freely. partner's weight with your legs . Back to back bend. not with your back. breathing? twitching? What What area does she feel is still tense in her chest. it means that the muscles are letting go. if you are the "active" partner. and the more area of the body they cover. .pressure. Now lean over with slightly bent knees and lift. Begin by standing back to back and interlocking your arms. The Knee Drop sensations are important. Differences in size really don't cause a great deal of 139 . supporting your but with your legs.

(The weights of our models were about 200 lbs. With his exhalation.problem as long as the "passive" partner's weight is placed over the "active" partner's legs. bring his arms down. for the lifter. and you'll 140 .) As your partner takes a breath. and 115 lbs. Do this at least ten times. on t o p . the arms should be raised.

his head resting on yours. and completely let go.Begin to see how much it stimulates your partner's chest. Encourage him to just 141 . His legs should be dangling or hanging.

Her breathing should be "going. but it is a marvelous exercise to do for building up trust as well as opening up the "passive" partner's b o d y . you are ready to begin the pelvic movements. if your height or weight differences are too great have your partner do Over the Barrel instead. It is not absolutely necessary to do this one. The "passive" partner should be lying again on her back. knees u p .I strongly recommend that anyone who has any kind of back problems at all not try this exercise. When you've gotten this far with the exercises. and your breathing is good." tingling should be well started. Go around and place your knees so that they 142 .

Now say " h e l l o " by 143 . It is extremely important to make this contact .support or fit in under your partner's buttocks.your knee cap against her buttocks.

holding her hands or her feet, or b o t h . Rest here and allow both your breathing patterns to settle at this point. Make eye contact and pay attention to your

own feelings now. Check your partner's breathing; you may find that you'll have to go back and help your partner start her breathing sequence again.

Now

it

is

time

for the

"passive"

participant to mentally

shift

the

"origin" of her breath down to her genital area, as she did in the exercises for working alone. From here on, she must imagine her breath is drawn in and expelled out through her genitals as she moves. Starting the breathing again. Place your hand on your partner's chest

this time you're in a different position . . . just place your arm between his legs ... and get his breathing started again. If at this point your partner has

145

any

difficulty

getting

his breathing under control

because

of the

new and

possibly strange positioning, it is best to just sit and comfortably wait again one or two minutes. Remember, there is no hurry. Usually the breathing will

just start again. If your partner has difficulty sometimes it's useful to just bring your hand up to the chest and have your partner pant with her chest. This is

146

one of the best ways to rapidly increase energy flow. The sequence is the same as in working alone; pant six short pants, then one long exhalation. See page 75 if you don't remember how.

147

All you dc here is just rest your hands on your partner's pelvis . . movement has to originate from within.When the breathing pattern has again been established and is smoothly moving. As your partner. begin pelvic rocking. 148 . putting your thumb: on the crest of the iliac and the forefingers around the sides. Keep in mind that no one can bring energy in tc the body from the outside. .

then back down with the breath in.breathes. emphasize the rotation of her pelvis by placing your hands under her buttocks and lifting up with her exhalation. 149 .

very smooth. the passive partner making a sound as she exhales . .This movement is slow and very. You'll find that as she does this her breathing pattern may change again. back and forth. Both of you should stop and concentrate on getting her breath going again. doing the movement and breathing. Both of you should be breathing in unison at this time.moving back with the breath in and forward as the breath goes out. . If you feel as though your breath is tightening. As this is done. allowing the breath to open so that the pelvis moves each time a breath is taken . y o u r partner can begin to emphasize and accentuate this movement. hers probably is t o o . areas in her body 150 . After a while. Concentrate on it for at least five minutes. bringing the pelvis up more. It is a matter of relaxing.

adding 151 . It is your partner's responsibility to let you know where these areas are.might begin to become more tense. Go back to any tense area and work there.

. . If you can give some reassurance to your partner in this way. can begin to loosen them.a little pressure and massage. abdomen or the back of the neck. perhaps to the face. it is extremely helpful. sometimes nothing should happen. if you can just hold your partner's 152 . Sometimes nothing needs to be done. Emphasis to these areas . These exercises must proceed slowly.

153 . you may accomplish as much as all of the manipulation.hand and let him know that you're there. all of the movement. Being with another person is extremely important. all of the breathing you have been doing. often this is enough to enable the person to feel his tension and let go.

. the possibility of getting on top of your partner. Avoid. Rocking breathing and pelvis with legs. Sometimes at this point your partner's pelvic movements begin to get so tense and tight it becomes 154 . this may give your partner a feeling of being smothered or pinned down or being pushed in some way. in any case.. you may be tempted to lean over to say something or just be closer . keeping her down.Don't climb over your partner! In your eagerness to be with your partner.

Do this about six times.difficult for her pelvis to move. A way to loosen it is to take y o u r partner's legs and with a little push and pull motion. rock your partner's whole body back and forth. then stop and push on her heels as 155 .

she exhales so that she begins to feel the "grounding" sequence. See page 80 if you've forgotten what grounding is. rest his feet Drop on your thighs and rock yourself back and forth t o o ! This puts your from Working Alone are sometimes useful at this point. 156 . if your partner's legs are t o o heavy for you to hold this long. The Knee Circle and Knee exercises page 87. See whole body right into it and lessens your effort.

knees with Return again to the pelvic rock.Moving the energy your hands on your breathing. Rest while she does pelvic rocking and partner's unison her and remind her to keep thinking of 157 . Breathe in to the ground.

but now at the end of the exhalation. the pelvic lift is done. Pelvic lift. Now as your partner exhales.breathing in and out through the genitals. Your partner imagines 158 . Your partner continues to breathe and to move. directing it toward her feet for 2 or 3 minutes so that she increases her consciousness of her feet touching the floor. put pressure on her legs.

As your partner reaches the heightened position. until he feels like coming back down. he should stay there for awhile . The difference is that you are now reinforcing your partner's grounding by stroking up his thighs and pushing down on his knees as he lifts his pelvis and exhales. . This is the same exercise that you did in Working Alone. It is merely a natural reflex action. he slowly cocks his pelvis 159 .blowing the air out the genitals as he exhales and raises his hips up as high as possible at the same time. Allow this to happen. . As he inhales. While holding the " u p " position. his pelvis may vibrate or bounce. page 75.

coming back down to a beginning position. Do this 6-8 times. or Up Against the Wall.back. then exhales and lifts back up again. On all fours. only this time you hold your partner's pelvis so that you can feel the movement as she comes 160 . Once you have established the grounding sequence. Bioenergetic Bends. All this time. you can encourage the feeling of grounding by pushing down on his legs. you can do this exercise the same way as in Working Alone. such as Squatting. Some of the exercises from Working Alone can be done at this point to reinforce the grounding concept.

forward. making sure the pelvis is rotating properly with the breathing. . Do this about 8-10 times.

your body will do the rest. Do them with your full attention. sensing another. Just completely let go. giving your attention to your regular life activities. have your partner lie on her back. has been to focus on your relationship. will naturally incorporate the basic breath and movement patterns into your life. sharing yourself. responding. The major emphasis in these exercises. your body As you work through these exercises again and again. do not worry about whether you've got the sequence right. The sequence you have just been through has been a way for you to experience and increase your excitement in the presence of another person. and yet always taking the responsibility for your own excitement. legs down. Now verbally share the experiences and feelings that you have had during the exercises. as in love-making. Trust your body. 162 . Therefore. do not even think about the exercises except when you're doing them.Following this. then go away from them. and get completely relaxed. being with another.

is as antiquated as the source of the concepts from which it came. Back "L'Onanisme: Sicknesses reproduced in in 1758 By a Frenchman sur les named Tissot a wrote a book called. Samuel Auguste Andre-David Tissot. N. and still affects us today. . or detrimental in any way. Since you may not know why masturbation has been so condemned in our culture. producing intellectual "weak eyes. Tissot's work views masturbation as catastrophically harmful to a person. genital epilepsy. and constipation. Dissertation Produced all Maladies European Produites par la Masturbation (The than thirty Masturbation). almost every ill 163 . This bumper sticker is the major thought I wish to convey.." hypochondriacal and hysterical symptons. Milan and Stockholm.Masturbation "Masturbate. Participate and E n j o y " . professor of medicine and a member of the Royal Society of London. and weakness a full of range the of faculties. Within few years this work was of the major languages. His opinion exerted a significant influence on the sexual attitudes of his contemporaries. since Tissot. Paris. I hope. and more editions were published in that century. let me tell you some of the story. The idea that masturbation is bad. harmful. sexual disorders. In fact. was a knowledgeable writer on almost every aspect of medicine. pimples.

by either sex. which circulates within the body to maintain life. by Galue. is withdrawal. remnant of the ancient attitude in many b o o k s . based it this attitude quite was very universal the primitive cultures. " or "corpse excitant.of t h e b o d y . the whereas masturbation is solitary. Tissot's principle argument against masturbation was that the "vital s e e d " is lost in ejaculation. vaginal orgasms" or "an element of by a sense of sexual pleasure. the theory was that nervous system is composed of a set of very fine tubes through which circulate the "soma h o r m o n t a . is a satisfying means of allaying physiological 164 . ." It is interesting to note that masturbation was as forcefully condemned for females as it was for males.. their "vital seed" could not be lost. and of the vital that an exchange through the pores and an "soma hormonta. analogous to epilepsy. with no inhalation exchange for replenishment of the "seed. appears forcefully in Hippocrates. "Seed loss" in masturbation was harmful because the motions of masturbation were more violent than those of coitus. not real such normal a curious and put-downs. whom Tissot quoted and relied upon. has at one time or another been blamed on masturbation. therefore. in women. Also. it was felt that in masturbation the seed loss was not replenished. of the ovum which proved that females did not have semen and. Tissot believed that there was an invisible current flowing between two people during intercourse." More subtle yet: "Moderate addiction is present in auto-eroticism because the phenomenon of ejaculation is accompanied auto-eroticism. Even there remains subtle schizoid behavior" though contemporary approval of masturbation is overwhelming. which is physiologically harmful The physiological in model upon which In Tissot fact. life and love" it is or "although mature adolescence." intromission breath restored the vigor. resulting in excessive excitation." The idea was that the loss of semen was a loss of this soul substance. or masturbation "it prevents. as in "masturbation away from childhood and fantasies lead one to introverted. Briefly. even after the discovery in 1827. to say nothing of the mind or society.

auto-eroticism is definitely an unnatural act. look one of the condemnations. or even increased work efficiency. Kinsey pointed out that many adults who are not immature in any realistic sense do masturbate. surgical actions healthy removal which is human activity masturbation is the next most frequent such both tremendous and horrible physical and mental . and there was no inhalation exchange." It is not true that you have to have a partner to replenish your energy supply. There is but one difference. quickly. There are reliable statistics to show that masturbatory activity precedes. and yet there persists among most people 165 . In this sense. Perhaps no other natural. and that it goes on from infancy into very old age. silently. runs parallel with. punishments and tortures down through history.tension. many times because of the fear of discovery. After heterosexual intercourse. Almost all current sex manuals and literature offer some reference or support to relieve these guilt feelings. has received to restraints. and there is no sense in refusing to recognize this fact. make for the many people Inquisition like kindergarten. but for many people masturbation does create a problem. ranging from of the clitoris. The Kinsey reports noted a high frequency of masturbation throughout adult life among people who enjoy other forms of sexual activity as well. Even masturbation most guilt-producing activities experienced in their lifetime. normal. form of sexual activity in the general population. and succeeds hetero-sexual activity in human life. The opposite sex partner is actually present in cohabitual relations whereas in auto-eroticism. is done alone. today. and brings peace of mind. it is the only form of sexual outlet." (!) Ironically. Most masturbation. . . I feel Tissot was approaching the right track when he said that masturbation was "solitary. For many people. it does not exist. particularly in adolescents. It is as ffective as moderate sexual relations in marriage. this is the problem. not the loss of vital seed. Contrary to Tissot. Breathing is inhibited by "holding o n " and hurrying.

One person is the active partner. fears and guilt about the feelings are frequently still connected with masturbation.that is. (I have never seen more " s t o r e d " rage expressed than in 166 . 1 would like to propose a new explanation for masturbatory guilt feelings. the passive resister. . Most people are aware of their "guilt" feelings toward masturbation feelings which may well have come from repressive social. . angry. or medical attitudes that have been around for years. sexual relationships in particular may fall into this category. therefore I'm guilty . since 1 am not satisfied you don't love me ." In this way. and in Otto Fenichel. if you don't love me you hate me . hands active . one transfers his anger or blame from his partner back to himself. the other is the passive recipient of the action. distinct adolescence of patients later life. . if you hate me I've done something wrong. or in many cases. or enraged. blames her dissatisfaction on person. and feels as if she is being used as an you really loved me y o u ' d know what I want and satisfy me . . . religious. and there is even a resistance part toward enlightenment harmless nature of masturbation. However. The most explicit example of rage in the passive partner can be found in cases of rape. I should be punished.body passive. the In relationships where dissatisfied. their action (psychologically) makes a split within them . hands doing . . usually the upset.. In a sense this is similar to many kinds of human relationships.the need to feel states on guilty that the in over masturbation. The passive partner's anger usually takes the form of guilt slinging: "if be used.body done u n t o . a noted psychoanalyst. Since most of the time people masturbate with their bodies completely passive and their genitals stimulated by their hands. who through herself to passive object. . recipient becomes other passivity allows himself or this game is played.

it is worthwhile taking a look at the more positive aspects of masturbation. regardless of age 167 ." if one is punished. guilt about masturbation has been supported by the church. in a sense. generally. . as well as others for the clergy! If you want to feel guilty about sex. your anger is then put on turned inward on oneself is expressed as depression or the feeling that "I am being punished. she is more likely to have satisfying and more frequent orgasms with a sexual partner. complete orgastic relationship. When no other sexual outlet is available. . you are being raped by your hands during many forms of masturbation. The fact is that if a woman can learn to relax enough to have an orgasm by masturbating. there are twenty-two paragraphs dealing with various aspects of sexual behavior . But. masturbation can mean the difference between mediocre or unsatisfactory sexual relations and a full. if you are through with the eighteenth century and not too interested in self-flagellation. Kinsey's statistics indicate that.and there were paragraphs dealing with masturbation for laymen . In the five medieval twenty-five Penitential Codes. Well. and since yourself. Down through history. your attitude toward masturbation is the most popular way to do it. Anger you are the rapist.therapy comply. the advantages of masturbation are obvious. Although it is well established that there are many cases of rape in which the victim is forced to a considerable number in which the victim is a passive participant.such as sodomy and bestiality . one must be guilty. women who masturbate regularly during adolescence and adulthood seem to have better socio-sexual adjustments. but even when other sexual release is available. in both the act and the provocation. sessions there are dealing with experiences of rape).

If you need to 168 .or marital status. or shift her own body and movement to achieve more pleasure. a woman is the surest. Practice exercising yours. she can better communicate her needs to her partner. or multiple orgasms. masturbation is a good way for a woman to become more aware of which parts of her body give her the most pleasure. where one does not wish to have as much sex as the other. Another virtue in masturbation is that it can be a way of coping with the disparate rhythms of partners. most has a quick frequent way in which orgasm the female to relieve reaches orgasm. Allow yourself to go with any of the fantasies that you enjoy. I feel it is possible to use this knowledge to your advantage by learning to pay attention to your experience of masturbating: your breathing and when you hold on. Squeezing possibility for complete release in orgasm as well as the further retards the buildup necessary to achieve another orgasm. Thus. Masturbation technique. This allows movement of the hips but unfortunately sets up a pattern of squeezing to activate an orgasm. 1 advocate full use of your fantasies for the highest enjoyment in notice when you stop masturbation. masturbation can relieve sexual tension which partner. It requires no adjustments to a partner. or the most effective means towards the next orgastic cycle. Besides this. For men who participate in it wholly. Once she's learned the means of reaching an congestion and muscular tension in the pelvis. it prevents the openness and receptiveness which leads to heightened orgasm. Most of us have very vivid fantasy worlds. This builds and hinders their ability to tolerate excitement with a excess sexual excitement many times leads to premature ejaculation and unsatisfactory speed in the sexual relationship. Many women can achieve an orgasm by crossing their legs or placing a pillow or other object between their legs and squeezing to afford pleasure. and what kind of manipulation in the genital area gives the quickest arousal.

looks like. start again! Remember that essentially your skin is a sexually-based sense organ. and therefore your whole body is basically an erogenous zone. Do your movement exercises to the point where you are moving freely. Look at and feel your entire body. Many people have never taken the time or had the courage to really see what their genitals. but be careful of any 169 . Learn which areas pleasure you. Explore these areas. Try some of the body lotions or hand lotions. Then add the proper pelvic movement. For this reason. Now slowly begin to stimulate and explore your whole body with your hands. . you may discover something new and exciting. The point that I want to emphasize is that a an exciting fantasy is no crime. Get yourself in the m o o d with "whatever turns you o n . You will be aware of much more than you were before. Become aware of what lubrications feel good on your body . that your body is supported. tingling. give yourself some stroking pleasure other than on your genitals. then bring your awareness to your genitals. almond. don't go directly to your genitals. Another suggestion to get a new perspective on your body is to take a shower in total darkness . Learn about your body. or even vaseline are good.natural oils such as olive. there is a great deal of literature that is available to turn you on. Be sure that your legs are up so that your extensor muscles can move. much less their whole body. and that you can move your pelvis. the space between your anus and genitals. It may be very useful to have a mirror to look at yourself. and the perineum. and vibrations are well established. Don't stimulate your genitals yet (this includes your breasts. . Pick a place where you won't be disturbed. Pay attention to your breathing. if it stops.have more stimulation for your fantasy world. Now begin your breathing pattern until your energy flow. " Begin by exploring your whole body. your anus. feel your body and pay attention now when the lights go on. or coconut. both men and women) until you really have your whole body feeling the rush of energy that comes with good breathing and movement.

It is all right once or twice . I am not advocating complete substitution of masturbation for intercourse with a partner. . Next. The most prevalent is. I don't. adjunct to My your masturbation as an enjoyable sexual life may bring some of yours forward." In it they recommend the use of an electric vibrator as part of their program of masturbation. advantages which will allow you to enjoy your life more. and that by using it you don't allow enough inner excitement to be generated. you now know what pleases you. caring relationship with the most important person in your life. . " Tolerating enjoyment is the whole message in this book. A couple that 170 . I feel that a vibrator can create t o o much excitation from outside. try it.) Pleasure yourself now . you'll like it . "I just don't feel anything. It will hinder you from building your own sexual energy from the inside. . . They have published it in response to the countless women who say to their doctors or counselors. Begin to listen to your body and hear what it wants. The National Sex and Drug F o r u m has a fine pamphlet on Masturbation Techniques for Women. Give yourself permission to experience what feels good to you. What I am suggesting is that you can get some added advantages with a practice that you probably use anyway. from an external source. . slowly and with plenty of lubricant (women can use their own vaginal lubricant at this point.lubricants that contain alcohol. participating. T h a t ' s you! Trust yourself. for they can be an irritant to delicate mucus tissue. The notion that it is not as good as sex with a partner is irrelevent. Pleasure is not rationed. but not as a steady diet. so masturbation offers an opportunity for you to practice that enjoyment without shutting it off by psychologically putting guilt and other pressure on yourself. Masturbation can be a source of insight for both you and your partner. teach someone else. "I'm afraid I might enjoy it too much. you are in an active. move to your genitals. what feels good to it. . After all. People recommendation have to many promote fears associated with masturbation. get stuck t h e r e .

That will show him or her your favorite strokes and positions. Afterward it is useful for stimulation for another cycle or orgasm for her and possibly for further arousal for him. Always ask her first. In intercourse it can be a means of stiffening the man and bringing the woman to a preliminary peak before penetration. so never assume that because you know what sent her in orbit last time it will be the same this time. 171 . A woman's pleasurable areas change quite often. It is with this attitude of discovery and sharing that masturbation can make a major contribution to your relationship. The best method of teaching is to demonstrate for your partner.can learn to masturbate each other effectively with just the right timing for pleasure can accomplish a more creative and satisfying sexual union.

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with of moving or in coordination sounds with as your you breathing. grounding to focus your energy.Joining Together In most of the other chapters in this book I have talked a lot about satisfying yourself. Now that you have presumably done the exercises both alone and with a partner and have mastered the arts of breathing to build energy. If you concentrate on any movement. you are ready to graduate to the sack to see how it works for you with your chosen sexual partner. Thinking can only interfere with your sexual experience. As he did this he was instructed in detail how to walk: " N o w lift 173 . The way your golf swing goes to pieces after a lesson is a typical example of what I mean. You are ready to " f or g e t " everything you've learned in this book! At this point it is important to decongest your well head of the details you've learned. your bod y will remember very if you've practiced your exercises enough. The therapist asked him to stand up and simply walk in a circle. and taking responsibility for your own pleasure. I can recall a dramatic group therapy session in which a man was asking for instruction in every aspect of his life. he felt he needed guidance in order to be absolutely correct. getting your own sexual energy flowing. you will eventually be unable to do it at all. and of of communicating verbal non-verbal breathe.

the main thing that comes to my mind is not the mechanics of intercourse. The quality of a sexual relationship is after all. To me "love-making" is really an appropriate term in this c o n t e x t . but the feeling that is involved in the sexual experience. though not indispensible. Your body is participating in a natural event and it will automatically choose the easiest. after all. 174 . talking about the optimum total orgasm in this book. unable to move. But to me. and the union much more fulfilling. simplest. and love and deep contact are important. Some people just wish to lie close to someone and be held. there are many reasons for having sexual contact besides just the sexual drive.a very beautiful experience. ingredients. but I feel that when it does the energy flow and excitement level will be significantly higher and more rewarding. so it follows that the deeper your relationship the more intense your sexual experience will be. and most natural thing once it has experienced both your old pattern and your new exercises. When I think about joining together. As he tried to comply. than actual intercourse. to do it the best way possible. then the t o e . giving and allowing from your feelings deep inside . an expression of your total relationship. He could not walk at all. I am. the ideal sexual union presupposes the deepest mutual joining of love and care. " etc. This is what can happen to any natural function if you concentrate on it in t o o much detail. he became absolutely paralyzed. Of course. or teaching some techniques for stimulating excitement. or even more so. Don't let this happen to your love-making. I think t h e feeling and psychological aspects are as important. And some just have nothing else to do while the TV set is out being repaired (or even while it's o n ) . for it implies that as you join together with your partner each of you is expressing care.your foot. no! n o ! Put your heel first. Many people seek ego satisfaction from the sexual experience and feel satisfied when they have satisfied their partner. and are willing to have sex to get this benefit. I am well aware that sex doesn't have to take this form to be fun.

as it goes into the room at first it seems to be a distinct figure or shape. into a separateness that is a sulking withdrawal. A problem do not make personal contact with each arises when people try to extend this confluence and live permanently in a confluent relationship. nor can they agree to disagree. It is that loss of ego which I talked about in the chapter on Orgasm. manipulated or enjoyed. It is very much like the smoke coming from a cigarette . . What I'm talking about is a quality of deepest meaning in the here and now . there is no sense of boundary between you and no sense of a separate person who must be noticed or approved. Many marriages are like this. When two people are in contact. then. . you are no longer aware of it (as long as it agrees with y o u ) . the confluence. They must restore the disturbed confluence by any means. This is the ultimate confluence. the partners see themselves as one and can stand little or no difference of opinion between them. they respect their own as well as the other person's way of being and welcome the animation and excitement you use that comes with contact excitement disagreement. Another example of confluence: part once you swallow your food it is no longer there. . of you .. Right now. Now it becomes energy for your organism. at this time. they have difficulty coming to a point of agreement by discussion. there is no discrimination. I suggest (charge built upon your differences) to build 175 . or in one that has to go on year after year. using any means to make the other person "give u p . no differences. . . . . . the complete joining. Sexually speaking. no otherness. . it becomes confluent with the room. in your physical union. Then they other. then it fades and becomes part of the air in the room . " Anger and hostility are other ways of getting the other person to return to the pattern of o n e n e s s . inside of your borders. It has become confluent.By this I do not necessarily mean joining together in a permanent relationship. flight into isolation . if they disagree. not confluence. What happens in the future no one knows. usually it's by repression. Confluence at the high point of sexual union is wholly desirable.

who care little about the foreplay or building the charge. Reich's curve (see page 30) shows foreplay. but sensuality My exercises can become certainly are aimed at building excitation and at allowing one to create more itself. less interested in the end pleasure of his discharge (orgasm) than in the exploitation of the tension-creating steps of the orgastic cycle. the extremes of sensuality in the sensualist and the extremes of sexuality in the sexualist. But it is possible to enjoy one aspect of this curve more than another. the sexualists. . there are some people. I would like to to understand the rhythm the differences between of the sexual sensuality and discuss sexuality in relation to joining together . only to try again. followed by a discharge. Because it is so important experience. the sensualist and the sexualist. more than their plateau or their discharge. . The sensualist keeps trying to bring his excitation to a high pitch and to retain it at that state so that he is taken out of himself. and are only interested in their discharge or orgasm. Each failure is seen as a lack of sufficient stimulation. then a gradual rising to a plateau. a joining with the other (not only physically but also in the deeper centers of each of y o u ) . the foreplay. All of this is part of the cycle that takes place in the sexual experience. or the building of the charge . . . He is left unfinished and continually dissatisfied. each phase is enjoyable in its own way. in the chapter on Orgasm. which can become possible for that short time. Both types. seek. an end such in as the The important sensualist sensualist part would is of the sexual process. He keeps looking for bigger and better ways to stimulate himself to an ecstasy that forever escapes him. Sensuality is an tension. . If you will remember. 176 .tension until it is at its ultimate peak. Then seek confluence. Conversely. . frequently end up dissatisfied. The sensualists really enjoy the first part of the curve .

177 . sexuality curve. So also in our own species everyone is different.The sexualist. who has time? The the novelty of a new partner is primarily a sensuous phenomenon. These are touched only by allowing yourself to be with another person in the deepest sense and make clear contact. Some people require and want more time for foreplay than others. and then discuss them as some kind of pathological entity. . Saying he. The sensualist is limited in that he deals only with the surface . Keep in mind that each of us is different. . but sexualist in his constant dissatisfaction will seek new both. . He disregards the inner feelings in the body that are the true source of complete satisfaction. but is rarely satisfied. and the heart of a person. only with what can be stimulated from the outside. I mean he or she. involving intricate mating rituals in some. Therefore. Look at nature: copulation takes place in many different ways depending on the species of the animal . partners also. In his or her race to orgasm. or immediate coupling in others. The buildup of a relationship of caring and deep contact that can lead to heightened orgasms and more total resolution is missed by I do not mean to label people or to catalogue them. has his problems also. of course. taking from a matter of seconds with gazelles or rabbits up to days with some kinds of bears . the mind. Become conscious of where your partner fits into the sensuality vs. but he doesn't build the tension necessary to really have a satisfactory discharge in the orgastic reflex. in turn. . I have mentioned these possibilities in order to emphasize the importance of the relational character of intercourse and the enjoyment of all of its phases. a complete letting go and a joining with his partner. T h e sexualist misses true satisfaction because he also avoids deep contact. He wishes only for his orgasm. he spends most of his life hopping from bed to bed. Deep satisfaction in sexual involvement involves the guts. Frank discussion is the only way you can possibly begin to merge your r h y t h m s together. . the nerves. . it is important to pay attention to your sexual partner's r h y t h m .

it is quite obvious if he has an erection that something is going on. The National Sex and Drug F o r u m . 330 Ellis Street in San Francisco. until his erection is somewhat 178 . . she squeezes for eight to fifteen seconds. has published an excellent little book called. that is. but when he is overly aroused. her index finger just above the ridge of the head on the side away from her. in their work on human sexual inadequacy. Briefly. The male tells her that he has arrived at the "point of no r e t u r n . "You Can Last Longer" which teaches this technique. " and she squeezes his penis by placing her thumb just below the head on the side facing her. her other fingers below the ridge.it is valuable to know some of the common signs of sexual arousal in both sexes. For a man. t h e technique consists of the woman sitting between the man's legs and stimulating the man either orally or manually to the point of ejaculation. developed a technique called the "squeeze technique" that is designed to train the male to gain more control over his point of no return. at Glide Memorial Church. Only the man himself can tell when that point has been reached Masters and Johnson. when he has passed the "point of no r e t u r n " . The problem with the male does not lie in being able to tell when he is aroused. when he has entered the orgastic reflex portion of the sexual cycle. .

The next step is actual vaginal contact. when his point of no return comes. most noticeable anatomical look for nipple In the excitement phase. This is repeated four or five times for three sessions. and complete relaxation of the anus before the return of the pelvis. This is done three times for three sessions. Slow deep breathing and relaxed movements. By this time. you spread your excitement throughout your body. The be in her breasts. she withdraws his penis and squeezes it in the same manner as before. the signs of sexual arousal are not quite so outstanding. For a woman. particularly as the pelvis is thrust forward. The female. stuffs his soft penis into her vagina and without moving allows the man to have an erection and to get used to being inside her. before complete excitement and tension in your whole body are built. but they response are will clear and should be noticed. and as she approaches the plateau phase. Sometimes this is hard to see. While severe difficulties with premature ejaculation are beyond the scope of this book. and then returns to normal the aureola (the colored area around the after her resolution. During excitement. As orgasm approaches. the use of the breathing techniques I have presented here are helpful in many less severe cases. is greatly lessened. 179 . When you breathe deeply.diminished. not allowing it to remain strictly in the genitals. the chances of centering your sexual excitement in the penis to the point of inevitable ejaculation. t h e male has learned to recognize his point of no return. Premature ejaculation is the result of t o o much excitement in the genitals. With the excitement spread through the b o d y . depending on the woman's skin character. now sitting astride the man. a kind of a measle-like rash or vascular flush appears. erection. at first just on the lower breast surfaces. The couple can return to these exercises any time the man needs to reinforce his control over the point of no return. Then. is important for the prevention of premature ejaculation. this rash-like flush tends to spread.

It is good to continue this touching are natural phenomena. rhythmical sexual joining can take place. has been This reached oral-genital by your stimulation. Another exciting means of bringing pleasure to your partner that should not be missed is oral stimulation. with obvious purpose of lubrication for penetration. is utilized to its fullest during foreplay. of excitement breathing and movement pattern. The bluish veins and markings on her breasts may become more noticeable also. Perhaps one of the most important aspects of female excitement vaginal is the secretion the of moisture into the vagina from glands in the lining. is especially exciting and pleasurable for both 180 . As for genital anatomical responses in women. Further detailed information can be found in most sex manuals. light stroking motions are good along the limbs and on the back. I recommend skin stimulation rather than direct genital stimulation in the beginning of foreplay. is extremely important to have in mind in order that smooth. which is an organ of perception as much as any other sensing organ. This information. The sensuality of the sexual encounter can be greatly enhanced if your skin. the loving touch should not be forgotten. although elementary. and the breast itself increases from one-fifth to one-fourth over its normal proportions. the labia tends to spread sideways as she approaches her plateau phase. Stroking can be combined with the breathing you learned in the exercises . . making her vaginal outlet more accessible for intercourse.nipples) becomes puffy and engorged. Deep kissing as well as oral-genital stimulation are superb means when a of increasing high level one's sexual excitement. yet during intercourse many stimulation even after penetration. partners. . Stroking and people focus entirely on their genitals.

One your energy principle down that your I continually to stress in the exercises is grounding that is. simulating the orgastic reflex. Those positions which enable both partners to place their feet . it is important to activate the extensor muscles of your legs. pulling the pelvis up and forward. This grounding principle should be followed in sexual joining. and your body positions should allow you both to ground. In general. feeling the flow of your energy move from a solid base: moving body your feet and utilizing that contact with the earth or " g r o u n d " (something solid) to make the energy bounce up again through your body. it is important that those positions which inhibit breathing or prevent either partner's movement should be avoided in the final stages of orgasm. Also.

water beds can be a delightful foundation. Another problem with the water bed is that your rhythmical movements are difficult to synchronize. A rocking chair without arms is worth trying t o o . Sexually speaking.) are better. The waterbed is current that fad promoting water beds as the answer to sexual excitement is a misleading one. but as a steady diet they can't compare to a solid 182 . etc. due to the outside rhythms of the bed. and your movement is inhibited for lack of anything solid to push against. Sitting in a chair face to face also can p r o m o t e your grounding. a wall. occasion.against something and push (the end of the bed. One of the problems of making love on a grounding becomes very difficult.

No attention one you can can read your mind. mutually agreeable game between y o u . The other person senses this and the occasion ends up as yet another disappointment for b o t h . seeking a mutual r h y t h m as in a dance. you would k n o w what 1 want and give it to me. This doesn't mean one person can be thrusting vigorously while the other one lies there like a day-old corpse . It is not necessary verbalize. you would satisfy m e " . . rhythmical movements can be greatly facilitated by the use of outside lubrication even if there is plenty of secretion by the female. but it is possible for one partner to be moving two times to the other person's one movement if their timing is smooth and synchronous. Each can stay with his own rhythm if they can get synchronized together.Remember conscious of your to pay attention to the r h y t h m and flow of your sexual rhythm and to communicate your desires to your excitement. Many 183 . and your head is what you're trying to lose just now. There is no hurry. It's easy to confuse " w a n t i n g " with communication. enjoy each phase of pleasure to its fullest and then move on to the next. and so on. . Not all of us move at the same r h y t h m . not like y o u ' r e directing traffic at a busy intersection). non-verbal sounds can do t h e j o b very nicely. It is y o u r absolute responsibility to stay own partner (gently. if you really loved me. loses excitement. withdraws. . The " u n s p o k e n a s s u m p t i o n " goes something like this: " I f we are one (confluent) and you really love me. you may assume your partner knows what it is y o u want. and t h a t of your partner. T h e major thing is that t h e movements begin slowly and stay slow until the orgastic reflex begins. This is not even necessary. This problem can become even more complicated if the feeling of constant confluence is present between you. Words can have the effect of getting you hung up in your head. although read each other's body if both partners are paying to signals. and immediately one retreats. These assumptions occur in a split second. . D o n ' t wait passively to be pleased. Instead of communicating. These slow. unless that's an occasional. even becomes angry and reproachful when not satisfied. Or you may n o t be sure what you want yourself.

If you join your movements with simultaneous breathing and make a sound together (as in the exercises). Since each person builds excitement and then discharges it at a different rate. like the " b u m p s and grinds" of the burlesque dancer. as it's sometimes difficult to coordinate two circles going at once. it becomes even more difficult to achieve an orgasm then. During foreplay. A movements compromise between too much and t o o little friction for either party is the secret when using outside lubrication. It more often happens that one or the other partner may have an orgasm first. This motion can be stimulating to both the woman and the man. but it's not a necessity. blame 184 . Some women feel like failures if they don't provide the lubrication for intercourse. then you will be doing those things that most promote the dance of love. as long as your breathing is synchronized so that as your pelvis comes forward. This can lead to resentment. the partner who has not arrived yet may shut down his or her excitement. thus placing upon themselves an unnecessary responsibility. The pelvic movements I advocate in the exercises are "back and forth" movements. your breath goes out. It is probably preferable to take turns during this circular movement. duplicating the motion of the final moments of the orgastic reflex. such as Vaseline Masturbation) will make your (see my c o m m e n t on lubrication in much more comfortable. When this does happen it is an added pleasure. When this occurs. you can derive a great deal of pleasure by using a slow circular motion with your hips.times extra lubrication. and particularly during the "charge" sequence of intercourse. it is not always possible to achieve an orgasm simultaneously. because the rise in excitement has to be built again.

The relational aspects 185 . Here is where your masturbation practice can be put to good use. . If you are not satisfied. . at lunch time or before breakfast are a few of the favorite times and places for this adventure. if each partner takes the responsibility for his or her own pleasure. the partner who is unfinished can go on to achieve an orgasm and be satisfied . Sometimes this voyeuristic quality will arouse the finished partner to another height of excitement or erection. I have discussed the process of joining together in terms of a heterosexual relationship. try masturbating (right there. Regardless of the important. satisfying. It is all t o o common a circumstance. But. In the shower. Up to this point. . the kitchen. a "glue" which mutual caring relationship is the will make your sexual union underlying. usually i m p r o m p t u sexual experience. or teach your partner how to masturbate you. the last but certainly not the least important. Post-coital holding encourages resolution and makes a much more loving finish for you both than jumping up and running off to the shower. the car. sequence basic of orgasms. even if An explicit verbal " c o n t r a c t " between the partners to this effect relieves both of a great deal of pressure . . There is a different kind of excitement in watching someone masturbate or doing it for him or her. A great deal of pleasure can be derived from the "quickie" . It is not always necessary or possible to take the time for extended sexual buildup and discharge. These brief encounters can add variety and excitement to your life. it's not accomplished by actual inter-vaginal intercourse. a brief and exciting. to a climax. and intercourse can be resumed. Don't forget the final phase of your love-making. on him for failing to satisfy her and on her for having to perform and produce an orgasm. I wish to state clearly that heterosexuality is not a prerequisite for a satisfactory sexual relationship. or on the stairs. .and anger at the other partner. not in a dark closet by yourself).

. . 186 . satisfactory. as many people by know. . care. It is your connection with being that your is body the on gift is of life. person's an expression of the means whereby the ultimate possibility . complete. respect and love. How you really a matter of use the energy turning your personal another generated preference. .of any sexual union . in homosexual relationships. . total orgasm . works best for you. the contact and involvement that are present and necessary in any deep relationship are also possible.

even in complex phenomena everything must make sense. our culture worships the rational. 187 . Another way is by dealing with the process of the mind. Unfortunately thinking usually interferes with your ability to feel." This has to happen for many people before they can obtain an intense orgasm. change it to facilitate your awareness of yourself Fritz Perls once said. I would like to discuss this process of the mind and how you can and greater sexual enjoyment. Our power to think is all important.How to Lose your Mind Some people experience a very curious phenomenon when they begin to pay attention to their bodies: their minds become very active! This mental activity seems to bring to consciousness a flood of content which is irrelevent to the situation. Everything has to be explained to us in terms of cause and effect relationships. "Lose your mind and come to your senses. "lose your mind" may sound like heresy. To us in our " w e s t e r n " way of thinking. And it is the feeling content of your orgasm that you are working to increase. emphasizing the how of the mental activity rather than the why or the what. One way of dealing with this phenomenon is by analyzing the content.

the deeper your emotional involvement with a situation. That is. these concepts are useful in looking at the process of the mind. Steve Schoen. the mind comes to the here and the now. What is going on inside your head as you do this? You may find t h a t your attention comes to how you are feeling. an unresolved disagreement with someone (the "1 should of said" phenomenon). You become aware of the chair being t o o hard. Although I know that this is an oversimplification. the greater the need to finish it. When you withdraw to your fantasy.here and now." A very c o m m o n unfinished is neglecting to say goodbye to someone or to thank them for something they did for y o u . This takes you away from w h a t ' s happening right now — here and now . An incomplete gestalt attracts energy like a magnet. You are aware of your breathing. . situation get little or something that needs to be "fixed. you can discover some very interesting things a b o u t it. Close your eyes and just pay attention to where your mind goes.and it robs you of your spontaneity as well. if you pay attention to your mind. holding on. rehearsing. how your body is now. Or your mind may go to the future . Perhaps your mind traveled to the past. You are paying attention to what's happening in the present . Let's try an experiment. You are aware of the sounds outside. dishes that need to be washed. . discomfort in your body. something that needs to be completed in some way. has figured o u t t h a t there are three things the mind does to distract your feelings: he calls t h e m fussing. it is analagous to hearing the tenant upstairs come in. The concept of finishing or closing a situation (completing a gestalt) is one of the basic tenets of Gestalt therapy. to close it completely and say goodbye. In general. 188 . planning or figuring out what's going to happen. you often reminder thoughts of these situations that w o n ' t let you rest. and so on.A colleague of mine. and turning off. to an unfinished situation.

it probably gets worse. This shuttling can clarify the present for you." This technique can be used to deal with these unfinished situations as well. carry it to a completion. (or Sarah) and I shouldn't be thinking of someone else. You Working with will a recall Partner from the the idea exercise of the of the eye-alogue (page 110) in development of " c o n t a c t " and the importance of "withdrawing. "But I'm here with J o e . Only by completing the gestalt — dropping the other shoe — is your energy freed to deal fully with the present. even in fantasy. they hardly ever go away. and your unfinished situation may just fade. allow your mind to go to the situation and. " Your energy is split. If you hang onto the now. Some of us prefer to stick grimly to what we are doing and avoid dealing with unfinished situations. Many unfinished situations cannot be completed in actuality so fantasy is the only method available to you. If it doesn't. then shuttle back to the now. you may be able to finish the unfinished situation in your fantasy. in fantasy. Mentally finish the situation and "tell it goodbye. You are caught between " t h e n and t h e r e " and "here and n o w . and your mind starts flashing back to a former lover! Immediately you might say. fussing about how you can possibly stay in the present. But if you alternately allow yourself to withdraw. . you exhaust yourself. If you really try to avoid your past situation." Sometimes professional help from a competent therapist is required before you can complete a more deeply disturbing unfinished situation. go inside to the past. keep the shuttling process going until you can take time to be alone. We are often unwilling to let go of such things as lost loved ones. Suppose you are making love with someone. " t r e a s u r e d " tragedies or "cherished" resentments. Your attention then gets stuck on waiting for the other shoe to drop. 189 .take off his shoes and drop only one. When you are alone. . That's in the past. This holding on to the past prevents your full involvement in the present. close your eyes." So you expend energy trying to be present .

We are used to such statements as "Man's continued struggle with nature. he moves his life is full of ritual and superstition directed at the hope of village. man over nature. . maintaining contact for a long period of time i s almost impossible.Raja Yoga . In fact. you would be completely l t OS to fantasy. withdrawn. and the effort of doing so will drain your energy. is subject His to it. I have found some of these concepts most useful in dealing with the processes of my own mind. Anthropologically understand he man's place in the world. Before I can discuss Eastern philosophy. I want to digress briefly to clarify certain basic cultural differences between the Eastern and the Western view of the world. if y o u tended to "go a w a y " for long periods of time." We don't accept the idea of being subject to 190 . Nature is in control. If there is a flood. autistic. An example of this is the Australian Aborigine. it is a m e t h o d of stopping the mind's spontaneous rambling. favorably influencing an all-powerful natural force. The East has for thousands of years recognized the invasive and distracting qualities of the mind and has developed ways of dealing with them. one form of yoga . We can gain greater perspective and invaluable insights into the processes of the mind by looking briefly at some aspects of Eastern philosophy.Most people realize that overextended withdrawal is harmful.is the way of enlightenment through controlling the mind. there are First there different ways to is man under nature. . As man evolved he reached another stage . Few people realize though that overextended contact is just as harmful. Learning to establish your own best rhythm of contact and withdrawal is an important part of emotional competence. speaking. If something happens in the world. This stage is typified by western man.

since you are one with the universe. If there is a mountain in the way. and continues to run its own way. except as something to subdue. man is part of nature. This eastern philosophy is becoming more pervasive in the west now that western man is beginning to see the price he pays. the mind does not always want to cooperate. By "stopping your mind. psychologically and ecologically speaking. If you can stop your mind. he has only to allow himself to develop in accord with nature. he bulldozes it down and puts the highway through. you can have direct knowledge of your self and. you are what you seek. Thus. ." you can have a direct experience of the universe. much as animals. The major difference between western and eastern philosophy is one of " d o i n g " and " b e i n g . In this philosophy of man within nature. you can be at one with it. It follows that intellectual self-analysis only creates greater distance between your mind and your self. and the whole earth are part of her. a tree. for instance. Man also has this innate knowledge of himself. direct knowledge of the universe. whereas in eastern philosophy the emphasis is on being. 191 . Western man wants to get from one place to another as quickly as possible with a highway. for his "influence" over nature. Eastern thinking emphasizes that when you view something intellectually you view it as a separate entity. therefore the knowledge of the man . Unfortunately.nature — we are trying to gain control of it. something apart from yourself. does not need to be universe is also within educated in school in order to learn how to be a bigger tree. " Most of us in the west have great difficulty just being. rocks. A third approach is man within nature — t h a t is. trees. Oriental philosophers developed ways of calming the mind and experiencing oneself more directly. you don't have to do anything. man as an integral part of nature. We pay little attention to nature. In this view: you are it. " We westerners are always " d o i n g . He does not have to seek outside knowledge. . You are. rivers.

Master? What shall I do n o w ? . The servant was driving the master crazy. It can take the form of an unfinished situation if it is in the past. T h e opposite of fussing is calm. or a broken record at work. A very popular and effective form of meditation is Mantra meditation. and then 1 want you to run up and down the tower stairs until I call for y o u . So finally the master said. Mantras were originally Sanskrit phrases with religious significance that are repeated again and again. it can take the form of rehearsing if it is in the future . able to do anything for him. More than an elementary introduction to meditation is beyond the scope of this b o o k . There are a few kinds of meditation that are particularly useful to us here. " So the master took care of himself by taking care of the servant who was driving him crazy . and there are many fine works available on the subject. but sometimes it is as though the mind gets stuck — very much as though there were a tape loop. just as you can take care of your mind when it is driving you crazy. " tugging at his sleeve. You don't need it fussing when you are trying to relax.. A yogi once told me the story of the maharajah who had a talented servant. "What can I do now. You should be able to call upon it only when you need it.both of these rob you of the present. "I want you to go and build a tower seven stories high.From a western computer with thought standpoint it is possible to think of the mind as a tapes inside it. One way you can achieve calmness of mind is through the practice of meditation. Most of the time the mind runs smoothly. 192 . The repetition is really the most important thing. asking for further tasks. do body exercises or enjoy sexual pleasure. although they can also be just a nonsensical repetition of sounds or words. . and I recommend that you try them. the here and the now. The only problem was that the servant constantly was at the master's side saying. This broken record is your fussing.

Most of us identify ourselves with our thoughts and we fear that not thinking would be not being. until gradually. without your noticing. What am I then? What remains after discarding my sensations. I have an intellect but it is not myself. Certainly Western culture has been built on such assumptions as Descartes' "I think. I am not my desires. all are aimed at dis-identifying you from your thoughts and actions. The only thing left in your mind is the mantra. . I have desires but they are not myself. . very . but not necessary t o . and capable of mastering.So one solution to the problem of the repeating tape loop in your computer is to overload the circuit with a mantra as it were. . " One object of meditation is to break our strong identification with our thoughts. b u t I am not my b o d y . therefore I a m . You will remain a continuing e n t i t y . I am not my emotions. When you no longer identify yourself with anything but your center of self-awareness you are then able to accept each part of your being as available for. after a while your computer becomes . An exercise to assist you in dis-identifying from your standard way of seeing the world is this sequence of ideas: 1 am n o t my body: I have a b o d y . for 193 . desires and thoughts? I am a center of awareness and will. I am not my intellect. emotions. still. I have emotions but I am not my emotions. There are different mantras or phrases to use for different purposes or tasks. existence. using and directing all my psychological processes and my physical b o d y . .

When you finish. Sit in an upright position. or as long as it takes. I recommend withdrawing into yourself to center yourself. " The words don't matter. your mind will be calm and you can continue. Even when your mind isn't stuck in a fussing pattern. thought or desire so you can obtain the most out of your life. mind on as well as with that your body. But whether the Eastern in touch with your purpose for using the mantra works or not is unimportant. using the words "rising" as you take a breath in and "falling" as you let your breath out. to help give your mind something to d o . When you are doing your exercises alone and you find yourself fussing and unable to finish a situation. As a continuing entity you are in charge and you can change any aspects of your emotion. on Sex and if you will take — Spirituality excellent to repeat. your of course. is page 00) Bena Shenam (which means "All evil vanishes from life for him who keeps the his heart. the repetition is what's important.") This phrase. One of my sun the in favorite mantras is Aditya Hridayam the and Punyam Sarv Shatru time to learn it. you will feelings of love and compassion. start So if you can another thinking concentrate something doesn't pattern. Any phrase will do. even something like "copper tobacco c a n . spine straight. you will find your b o d y is freed to experience its feelings.the m o m e n t all else will pass. It is meant to open your fourth chakra or heart center (see chapter Religion Orgasm. 194 . You are holding on with your mind. you may at times find it difficult to "let g o " into your body's excitement. Just sit quietly in this way for at least 10 minutes. Close your eyes and merely pay attention to your breathing. stimulating your time. If you use it at any find yourself feeling calmer and more feelings. A mantra is very useful in this case.

195 . you could both stop and sit in this manner for a time. examine it closely. then you can go o n . the mind is like a huge active computer collecting data all the time. Right now it is time to relax and empty your mind. You will know when your mind stops fussing. " and start anew. Again. but this sometimes interrupts the flow of your energy and your relationship. you are a passive witness to yourself. If so. you can come back to it later. on a cushion or in a straight-backed chair. try just coordinating your breathing with your partner's and using the words (silently) "rising" and "falling" as your belly rises and falls during the exercise. sit in a comfortable upright position on the floor. If one image or thought returns. Now just pay attention to your thoughts as though you were removed from t h e m . you are dis-identifying yourself with your thoughts. Let your thoughts flow. see if it is unfinished material. as long as your spine is straight and upright. Sometimes it becomes so overloaded with thoughts there seems to be no room for any more. neither censor nor hold on to them. of letting your thoughts flow without stopping t h e m . This may only take a few m o m e n t s or so of concentration. your thoughts are flotsam and jetsam. There is another form of meditation for doing this. putting a wall around it. passing you by and moving on. as though they were not part of you. clear your " t a p e s . This is a process of emptying your mind. As I said previously. It is sometimes helpful to imagine yourself comfortably sitting by a slow-moving river or a stream. imagine yourself putting it aside mentally. At this point you need to e m p t y your mind. then if it is. As with all forms of meditation. every m o m e n t we are awake.If when you are working with a partner your mind gives you trouble. listening to a record or watching a movie.

There are many schools of thought as to how to go about this. Another trying to get so thing you may each thing in you discover when you go inside your mind is its place . Since Hatha Yoga is becoming more popular these days. It is as though they were a u t o m a t o n s . The turn off. your own difficulty in letting go. of course. When you are interested you can find the path that suits you. . . many books to start you. holding on. as you bring your attention to your body . the yoga of the b o d y . 1 recommend the study of Hatha Yoga as a good way to increase the process of letting go . . environment that have everything way "Rehearsing" is a form of controlling. there are many. . nor to what is happening around you . as well as for helping to keep your body flexible. that part of our environment with which we are most closely in contact. . . Thus. as sex is for many people. but my exercises are designed to enable you to learn to let go. This is particularly true when it comes to any anxiety-producing situation. letting go. . spontaneously responding to the Now. not to what your partner is doing. It is possible to 196 .Active participation in meditation is a very useful practice for calming and centering yourself in every aspect of your life. . Where classes are not available. classes are available in most areas. The opposite of holding on is. The asanas (exercises) of Hatha Yoga. you may become aware of your own holding on. Turning off is a way of disassociating yourself from your experience. . . are exercises in letting go. By holding on 1 mean trying to control every situation around you. As we hold on in our minds we also hold on in our bodies. This is more easily said than d o n e . controlling and going the isolating your you want. accepting things as they come . third phenomenon people experience in their minds is that they people are just not present in the world a great deal of the Many time.

. here and now. . . . aware of the tips of my toes . requiring constant and total attention. " and finish the sentence ". .. Regular practice will increase your sensitivity to the present around you.. " N o w 1 am aware . This is . As far as 1 know. . in the words of Ken Kesey . Start with the simple exercise of saying to yourself. . . sounds. . to be aware of. it is possible. really pay attention to what you are doing. The Eastern approach to paying attention is epitomized in any Zen monastery. all of my senses.chemically enhance this "non-presence" by using alcohol or tranquilizers. my eyes . aware of the colors of the room . where there is a moment-to-moment discipline over each thought and act. my ears . ." etc." If you don't pay attention. my hands . . within and without. Come to the world. . you can begin to turn yourself on. and pay attention. you'll blow it! 197 . Each time you do this exercise. "the only ticket you get to this show. If you are turning yourself off regularly and you want to reverse this process. We can use a similar technique for paying attention. smells. . . If you bring your attention to your awareness in detail. they often have this effect. . . this is the only chance you get. you will find new sensations. . Enjoy your life to its utmost.. my b o d y .

Orgiastic revelry alternating with fervent religious ceremonies achieved for these faithful a union of opposites: the highest and the lowest. their members usually ending up burning at the stake. Many so-called "pagan" religions included sexual orgies and phallus worship as cornerstones of their ritual. Each is often called a "peak experience. Within the last hundred years. loss of duality and merger describes the religious experience as well as it describes sexual union." This peak of bliss can be attained through other experiences as well. and from time to time various "heretical" sects appeared in Western Christianity. The practice of sexual participation in connection with a religious ritual for the attainment of enlightenment has a history almost as old as man. which sometimes gives a woman a feeling of being at one with the universe for a brief m o m e n t . such as childbirth. The Judeo-Christian morality put something of a damper on such activities and Calvinism all but finished it off. the experience of being swept out of the ego or mind and into the senses is not uncommon. In orgasm. leaving only Satan worshippers to carry on the tradition. in such a devoutly Christian society as Czarist Russia.Religion and Sex Spirituality and Orgasm Spirituality and orgasm are different expressions of the same life force. total surrender. called the Khlysty. could secretly boast such an illustrious member as Rasputin among its ranks. 199 . There is a great similarity between an intense religious experience and a total orgasm. however. The giving of oneself to another with love. such a sect. The idea persisted.

The Yoga Sutra is the basic text of yoga. The word " y o g a " comes from the Sanskrit base " t o y o k e " — to link two things together. The goal of the yogi is to awaken that serpent to start the flow of energy up the spine. a name given to the energy of the universe which is within us all at different levels. including both spiritual expression and sexual expression. is expressed differently. the way man uses his energy in the world around him. thus activating the six different psychic centers. the spiritual God. and attain a level from which the pitifulness and worthlessness of our ordinary consciousness becomes very apparent. but Christ in m e . It can be thought of as a serpent which resides at the base of the spine. This energy "Kundalini" Yoga. "relationship" Judeo-Christian tradition. or chakras. The having yogi works toward realizing his own "God-ness" infinite being. so that we may live in tune with the source of consciousness rather than out of the limited consciousness of our everyday awareness. above the limitations of the ego. One yoga concept that is particularly relevant here is that of the Kundalini. "I live now not me. and its teachings date back to centuries before Christ. not outwardly turned. until it reaches the crown of the head. " However. One image of it is of a coiled snake biting his own tail. in the Christian view one would hesitate to say. the goal is to rise above the duality of petty love and hate and pain and pleasure. In other words each chakra is a way of being in the world. For the yogi. At each of these centers the entire psychological structure. to the source of consciousness.The concept of psychic energy expressing of the body can be expressed or manifested in is a basic teaching of yoga. (Weltanschauung) a way of expressing the energy within us to the 200 .) You are that divine principle which you seek. What is to be linked in yoga is our consciousness. The key concept in yoga is the idea that you are it! (TAT TWAM ASI. "1 than am Christ a or God. Saint Paul expressed it in Christian terms when he said." but the with yogis the believe we are as each in a the manifestation rather of God. our everyday awareness. world. which I'd like to discuss here in the light of modern depth psychology. particularly different ways.

The person whose energy is tied up here has a kind of a hanging-on existence . they are just hanging on and existing. To the oriental. There is simply a hanging-on to life. T h e y won't "give-up" and enjoy life . The first chakra is the Müladhara Chakra. or chakras. . describe this state in terms of dragons. and as the yogi brings his energies to these centers they begin to tingle within the body. He said that dragons have a curious function. This is the way their kundalini or psychic energy is at this first level. and it corresponds to how some people are throughout life. There is no difference between the t w o . there is a color. not moving out into the world. . . located at the base of the spine.The devotee of kundalini yoga tries to stimulate the flow of energy up the spine to activate the different flow up centers the spine. . They can't make use of either. There is no joy. Each He does this by meditation. breathing (pranayama). The picture is one of the serpent biting its tail. the eminent authority on mythology. The realms of the spiritual and the physical in eastern thinking are so intimately interrelated t h a t one can hardly separate the two. The chakras are viewed as lotuses opening. They tend to guard things. there is no zeal for life. and movement . and the things that they guard are gold and beautiful girls. body asanas or positions that stimulate the energy chakra or center has a picture that goes with it. . This is the root or base chakra. they just hang on. 201 . . a sound and a whole atmosphere about it. the psychological way of being and the physical way of being are two manifestations of the same thing. I once heard Joseph Campbell. It is interesting to note that the chakras correspond closely to the neuroplexes of western physiology.

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the first thing that opens up many times is sexual desire and sexual energy. the conception of man as basically erotic. which It is at the solar plexis or heart center. although it's to get stuck with only one focus of energy. yet with love. to be in control. The next three chakras are the spiritual chakras. t o g e t h e r " or the loss of duality. This is the favorite resort of the kundalini. centers or major uses ways of being in the world is determined by social custom and laws. In therapy. to be a winner. a loss of selfness. . interestingly enough. The central theme in Jungian psychology 204 . . Here one's whole existence in life is centered around sex. One acts without a sense of self. .The second center is at the genitals. . One in turn interprets all of one's existence in terms of sexual energy. . to let go and to move. to turn things into the self. It resides at the level of the navel. to incorporate. the life energy. Here the energy is directed at power . This is the " F r e u d i a n " chakra . to achieve power. These first three chakras typify the way most of us live in the world. Some politicians are an excellent example of life at this stage. this point there desire and aggression. of the "coming At this point opposites come together . The we control these energies. taking in. as one begins to come to life. These then are man's energy. The main goal of life at this level is to be on t o p . This is the area of Adlerian psychology or Nietzschian philosophy. . and is is also the chakra of transformation. The next stage or chakra is the Manipüraka Chakra. We manifest possible different of life forms of these chakras way at different times. terror and fear are extinguished. to consume. T h e first of these is the the Anahata Chakra. It is the Svadisthana Chakra. chakra of love. The reason is that at is a loss of the sense of ego.

is a very authorative text on kundalini yoga. tuning into the inner sound of God. the highest sphere of inner authority that you can attain. moving out of the world and turning to the inner world. This is the chakra right at the base of the throat. located between the eyebrows at the "third e y e . you have reached the point of beholding the image of the world of God. One's energy is directed inward spiritually to ease one's consciousness on to the next higher level. and coming to the inner light directly. The next chakra is the Visuddha. Sir John Woodroff's The Serpent Power. The sixth chakra is Ajnna. The way of being in the world when operating from this chakra is one of reaching out with love. When the energy or serpent is here. At of this the chakra lower one's chakras energy on is directed toward purifying the contaminents the trip to higher spirituality. Here one is past all pairs of opposite and at one with God.is this union of opposites with man's spiritual origins. we want to reach out and bring t h e m to our breast. This is the realm of heaven and bliss on earth. There are a great many texts written about the chakras. and warmth for someone. Here are the disiplines of the spiritual level. It is interesting that when we feel affection. located at the crown of the head. This is the monastic level. The final chakra is the Sahasrara. 205 . love. " It is the center of spiritual power and knowledge. to hold them close to the chest.

. like Tissot. When 206 . the control of breath. This union is not easily accomplished. She is the complete being . the yogi experiences unity and enjoys supreme bliss. I have found the yogi's way of looking at energy to be most useful in understanding different people's ways of being in the world. Another form of yoga which is especially relevant here is Tantra. as they exhale. that subtle power which. is seated with a woman. in that sex is just one manifestation of the pure life energy force. " She becomes shakti itself. These practices of to lift anyone's mind and body spiritually. meditation and preparation.I have given a brief description of a way of conceptualizing how energy within us can be expressed in different ways. . leads to liberation. The partners sit facing each other. and the different theories of psychology. This is followed by each partner's touching the other at various places on their body while chanting a mantra. The female partner plays the role of the "divine w o m a n . As this power or force is activated in you it can be expressed in many ways: sexual expression is one way. You can see these as forms of the same power. . and the control of semen. the male principle. This way of looking at the body and spirituality gives us some understanding of how sex and spirituality come together. the shakti. They concentrate on the Müláhara Chakra in the area at the base of t h e spine. what takes place is that the shakta. The divine ritual of Tantric Yoga is long and involved. they breathe in unison . . for the male must never have seminal emission or. sexual In Tantric union. the yogi believes that he will lose all the energy that is generated. the universal passive principle. The yogi must therefore prepare and master three major controls. In essence though. spiritual expression is another. The male becomes the shakta. any Each approaches the ritual by woman is the living embodiment of shakti. the preparation is part of the ritual and there are a number of steps in the ritual — from cleansing the body to drinking wine and eating meat or fish. Yoga it is the yogi's goal to achieve divine union of the Tantric ritual may give you through A brief summary some idea of how this is achieved. preparation for sexual union are enough the control of thought. . The final ritual is the joining of the male and the female. In uniting with her. the male. when used correctly. they make a sound or vibration. the yoga of sex. . The shakti may be the man's wife or another woman .

You may have seen some of the oriental statues that depict this scene. . The assumption that one can get spiritually high by denying oneself sexual pleasure may have prompted some churches to demand abstinence in sexual relations from their priests. he draws the female shakti o n t o his lap.they feel the energy begin to spread. . they join their foreheads. After a length of time. They breathe in unison. . when the male is feeling a great enough flow of energy. They are joining their eyes and minds. power. the unfinished stages. She draws the male's penis inside her vagina. in contrast to those which encourage sex. The Tantric rite trains the participant to use one of the most powerful physiological forces . but it may vary from one devotee to another. not the genital function. she wraps her legs around him. whatever . and their eyes merge into one as do their spirits. 207 . (the kundalini rising) they draw the energy up the spine and send it to their partner.sex energy — for the attainment of a higher state of consciousness in which personal ego is transcended. This in general is the sequence. usually vented in sexual participation. then the giving up does not require energy. sexuality becomes less important . . . On the other hand. sex. as does all desire. When one tries to rush the process. . but remain motionless. The followers of very spiritual men have noted that their Masters or Gurus did not want or need to participate in sex. When the higher spiritual centers can utilize that energy. The idea is that one's energy. sexual continence occurs naturally. without effort. . . Meditation and prayer are constantly being interrupted by sexual thoughts and fantasies. still maintain a pull. many religions in the eastern and the western world have advocated sexual continence for the spiritual path. and they are joined . spirituality. . as your psychic energy becomes more manifest in the higher chakras. the "charge" is dissipated and one automatically goes on to the next stage. The initiate then spends a great deal of time and energy trying to suppress sexual desires. The major emphasis is on the psychic and spiritual tension. When one is ready to give up something . 1 suspect that as one becomes more spiritually in tune. and her arms are around his neck. . would be conserved and available for higher functioning . such as the sexual. There are certain stages to the spiritual life. to skip stages. and as each stage is passed.

my view is that sex is an important expression of life energy experience. Since the great majority of us are not on that rarified spiritual plane where desire drops from us like an unneeded garment. I am not in accord with the "hair-shirt" philosophy that anything that's fun should be avoided. to expand our consciousness. nor have I any plans to do so myself. to express our love. so let's put them to good use . And while you are there you might as well make the most of it. 208 . however.I am not. it's fun. . On the contrary. That is what I hope this book will help you to d o . to stimulate our energy to a high level of aliveness. after all. we are still very much in possession of our sexual drives. You can only be where you are. advocating giving up sex. . as well as a possible source of great bliss in the larger-than-self Besides.

I was able to do things easily that required fine coordination with my hands. My background may seem somewhat schizoid. I was a psychology major in college and a pre-dental minor. for instance). I met a man there by the name of Lauren Borland. .How the Book Came to Be I guess I felt I knew something that someone else didn't know. . so dentistry seemed natural. About the time my tour of duty was up I returned to the University of California for a post-graduate course in psychology in dentistry . I was interested in people. I went into the Air Force for two years. and yet 1 kept thinking about what it was that really made a successful dentist and about the aspects of human nature that were involved (how difficult it is for some people to go to the dentist. how can we do things to improve the atmosphere of the office. but it has come together very nicely for me. in 209 . etc? After I got o u t of dental school. and my parents wanted me to have a profession. the first course I had heard of that dealt with the psychological aspects of dentistry. how can we make things more pleasant for him. who held a PhD. and I wanted to get that information to as many people as possible. . I found out while I was there that I was good at carrying out the mechanical aspects of dentistry. something that was valuable and useful. . I found myself becoming more and more involved with the patient . I applied (or actually my mother applied) for dental school and I was accepted.

so I went to a program at Big Sur with Bob Hall and Fitz Perls which turned out to be very influential on my life. and then as a co-therapist. in Clinical Psychology. I also went to the Gestalt Institute of San Francisco for another two years of training (I'm still involved there as a training therapist) .C. As I got more and more involved in "one-to-one" relationships. I was very compulsive and " u p t i g h t " before this. Esalen had just started around this time and I became interested in the whole encounter trip. . . I worked with him for about three years as a member of his group. Bob later became my chief trainer as a Gestalt Therapist. so actually I was learning as much about psychology as 1 was about dentistry.C. so 1 went back for a Masters degree is psychology. and people who were having hysterical symptoms. He was instrumental in encouraging me to come back up to U. Dental School to teach and do research. I started my private dental practice and was spending part of my time teaching at U. afraid to go to the dentist. I completed my training as a therapist by going back to school to get a PhD. I was advised that if I wanted to stay in the academic field I would have to go back and get some more degrees. 210 . including long-term private therapy. that's how I got into Gestalt. I continued teaching psychology to the students at the University of the Pacific Dental School.psychology and was also a dentist. I began to see how inadequate my training had been for group work. I was particularly concerned with people who were apprehensive. That sort of sums up my professional career. and at the University of Pacific Dental School. At the same time I started attending groups and pursuing my own personal insights. and became the Director of Counseling there. I was ready and willing to take on all kinds of problems with dental patients. I began to get quite a bit freer myself. I was also doing a lot of research and taking post-graduate courses.

As I did this." I began to study and try new ways to make things better. who was a dental patient of mine. and had begun to wonder: Can sex be any better? I didn't have any big problems. and in turn agreed to teach me movement. you're fine. since I was already into the "energy concept" through my study of Hatha Yoga and had begun to realize. I was ready for his approach. so it seemed that Lowen.Now. as a dancer. . So I talked about it in therapy and with other people. but if everything was OK. I began to learn a lot by putting bioenergetics. how did I come to write the book? I had been married about ten years. I would work a couple of hours with her on movement and breathing. and what I 211 . . how much energy there is in the body and how it can be controlled and used to best advantage. People asked what exercises I did. it was a fantastic By this time I was leading groups down at Big Sur and talking about my experience to different groups. I found myself able to enjoy sex much more when In I did my breathing and improvement! paid attention to my movement. and Ann's work together. about my studies concerning therapy for facial expressions (the subject of my doctoral thesis in psychology) and she was very interested. I talked to her about a pelvic block I seemed to have. fact. people said: "Well there's nothing the matter with you. and she would work a couple of hours with me on facial therapy. through meditation in yoga. but h o w was I to know? I wanted to explore further. might offer some of the answers I sought. I didn't buy the whole Eastern " t r i p " of turning off your sexual energy. yoga. I had occasion to talk with Ann Halprin. just a hunch. and Reichian therapy. to experience this therapy herself. I worked with Alexander Lowen in a workshop at Big Sur. and it seemed as though everything was fine to me. though. If you had a sex problem. I didn't move in my pelvis. I had no idea. there were a lot of places you could go for help. nobody seemed to have any good answers. and felt he had a marvelous grasp of the theory of the sexual energies of life. So I offered to show those who were interested what Ann taught me. 1 didn't k n o w if it was even possible .

I had structural integration (Rolfing) and began Reichian therapy training. As time went on everything seemed to come together. etc was detracting and their relations with other people. And sell is something. and suddenly I realized that that's what the book was to be a b o u t ! 212 . nurses. dammit I'm going to write a book t o o ! " A n d he said "Great I'll introduce you to my publisher. . a copy of his b o o k . . my energy wasn't there at the moment.added from other disciplines. so I quit doing it. a friend of mine. T h e problem I continued doing the was that I got to be known as "the dentist who teaches sex. He gave me. . This conglomeration all began to come together. this is a really lovely book." I went home that night and started talking with my wife. they said. " So we started talking about the different things that I knew about. I had no idea it could be so great" etc." I found that this from my work. But none of them seemed exciting to me . Then I met Dr. . "Oh s u r e . "It changed my whole sex life . as a present. dentists. Pat. " And they said. and there were a number of other possibilities to pursue. . I did!" So I said." He replied. Feldenkrais and studied briefly his work with breathing and movement. along with my yoga exercises. I'd already thought about doing a textbook on psychology in dentistry. . . and I said that I used to teach it . physicians." somebody said. When I saw it I c o m m e n t e d to him . I took Dr. He was studying to be a Gestalt Therapist at the Institute. on sex. I'm sorry I didn't write it. and I was his trainer at the time. Stone's course in "Polarity T h e r a p y " . . The results were amazing . I said " I ' m going to write a b o o k . . . exercises for myself. So I began showing people. George Downing. "George. I didn't feel like it. and our friends Bob and Julie Crockett as we were lounging together in our Japanese bath. how to do some of the exercises. had just written The Massage Book. people were ecstatic. as a regular part of my workshop. and is what the book is all about. . "Well. " T h e only thing t h a t will really They asked me if I knew anything about sex. " t h e difference between us is that you didn't make the effort. for I found them to be very energy-provoking. Mostly I worked with professionals . .

I am more interested in working with couples. when it became something more than just teaching someone to have a better orgasm. It became evident to me as I kept going that the sexual relationship is so much more. I like to work with people who are well. I am still a teacher of professional people. and who consider sex an important adjunct to their growth. I can be reached c/o Bookworks. T h a t ' s when the book began to be something important to me. I also have a consulting private practice in dentistry and my work with private service and I go to offices to work with personnel relations. I am not a "sex therapist" dealing with people who have serious sexual problems. That's why I began to explore some of the things that I hadn't been able to find in other b o o k s — for instance. I found that very few people ever talk about what's going on in terms of the total body. I was drawn to the spiritual path. Maybe I could pull it together for them. In exploring the actual physiological sequences of orgasm. it is the relationship that counts. I divide the rest of my time between my patients and groups as a clinical psychologist. there are sexual clinics all over the country to which people with serious hangups can be referred. I would be interested in your comments. In therapy. with people who are interested in growth. so that they wouldn't have to struggle around looking for answers as I did (over a seven year period). but the part that said " c u t out all sex" didn't fit for me. Usually just the genitals arc emphasized.I started o u t writing the book about the exercises and the movement strictly from a body standpoint. I realized that I could really do something to help people. So when 1 got to writing t h e book. And the Reichian notion that orgasm is the greatest thing there is seemed to stop a little short also. religion and sex. 213 .