Midwifery Poem

~*~ Author Unknown~*~

I wish I was a fetus I never would be bored Sitting in my uterus Swinging on my cord. To worry granny midwives I'd be a proper beast I'd change position on the hour Transverse, oblique then breech. To student midwives I'd present A mystifying case I'd hide myself inside the os And leave an empty space. I'd tie my cord into a knot And wave it through the cervix I'd give the midwives such a shock And laugh off all my vernix.

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And when my membranes rupture I'd be a right old pest Presenting large diameters I'd transversely arrest. I'd tell my pal placenta To get himself detached To theatre then the lot of us Would pronto be dispatched. And when they start to caesar I'd laugh and think "Tee hee!' When no one else is looking I'll come vaginally.

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