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Published by Lucy Peña

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Published by: Lucy Peña on Jul 10, 2011
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Every time you date someone with an issue that
you have to work to ignore, you’re settling.


Girls we love for what they are; men for
what they promise to be.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

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How to NOT get him to

If you ever want to see that ring, then ultimatums, traps
and coercion are definitely not the way to go. While the
film He’s Not That Into You makes the brilliant point that
‘if you date a girl too long and don’t marry her you’re a
jerk’, it also informs women of the consequences of the
ultimatum tactic. Ben (played by Bradley Cooper), who
only marries after his girlfriend forced him into it with
an ultimatum, ends up lying and cheating throughout
the marriage. And when he realises he was actually
tricked into the marriage, it ends. Ladies, I don’t care
what you read in magazines or see on TV, the sad news
is that trapping a man into marriage simply doesn’t
work in the long run.


NEVER give a man an ultimatum to marry
you. It never works and you’ll only lose him
for good.

My 36-year-old accountant friend Kendra felt like
it was time to give her man an ultimatum after seven
years together without so much as a hint that one
day she might walk down the aisle as the bride not a

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The Chase

‘Why hasn’t he proposed?’ she sniffed on the phone
to me one afternoon. ‘Is there something wrong with
me? It’s been seven years!’
Feeling left on the shelf while you’re actually in a
relationship is tough. Maybe your bloke has valid reasons
for not popping the question; but open up any gossip
magazine and you can’t help but feel left out of the
mad rush to get a bit of bling on your wedding finger.
Marriage proposals are ricocheting through Hollywood
faster than Michael Schumacher’s Ferrari. (Even Pamela
Anderson tied the knot with the same man for the
third time!)

Signs that he’s never going to propose

• He refuses to talk about the topic, blaming his divorce,
his ex-wife and his current financial situation.
• He acts likes he’s still single even though you’ve
been together a few years.
• He turns up his nose at every wedding the two
of you have to attend together, and always intro-
duces you as his ‘friend’ rather than his girlfriend
or partner.

Good reasons to ask him about marriage

• When you’ve been dating for three to four years
and you want to know where he wants this to go.
Tell him that you’re not particularly fussed about
marriage, but you’re interested in his point of view
on the subject.

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• You’re pregnant and would prefer to be married
when you have the baby.

Bad reasons to ask him about marriage

• All your friends are tying the knot and you’re
• You’ve found the perfect white dress but don’t have
an occasion to wear it.
• You think your biological clock is ticking and you
want to settle down.
• You’ve just moved in together.


Once you’re living together, remember, he
has the milk for free so he won’t be buying
the cow. At least not for a long time. Don’t
do it if you want to get married!

From the Male Room

‘A guy will propose when he is ready and when there
has been a “trial period”—long enough to satisfy
himself that the woman doesn’t use sex as a bargain-
ing tool, won’t get lazy and complacent and blimp up,
and when he is sure that the woman is in it for the
long haul not just something to do for fun for as long
as it suits her. You get what you put in.’—

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The Chase

‘I got the ultimatum once after two and a half
months. My response: “You’re kidding right?” She
didn’t appreciate it, but then again neither did I
the question. We ended less than a month later.’

‘Men HATE being manipulated. The words
“manipulated” and “emasculated” sound and feel
very much alike to a man and we get them confused.
So when the man finally realises he’s been manipu-
lated he either dumps the woman who manipulated
him or accepts the emasculation that comes with the
manipulation. Neither option is any fun for a man,
but dumping the manipulating woman at least lets
him feel like he has some personal pride left, while
accepting emasculation just drives home the fact that
he is “whipped” and she is in charge. And ladies, sex
will never be good enough for long enough to make a
man accept emasculation.’—

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Other things men want
you to know

Men are good in one way, but bad in many.


God gave men a brain and a penis, but only
enough blood to run one at a time.

Robin Williams

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The Chase

Why do men ogle women?

Some of the most common questions that women
ask about men are: Why do men ogle? Why do men
wolf-whistle at anything with two legs? The answer is
quite simple really. Men are visual creatures. Ogling is
in their nature. As Germaine Greer once sniffed: ‘Men
prefer looks to brains because they see better than they

Brain researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital
concur. When they showed a bunch of photos of ridic-
ulously good-looking women to a group of men while
monitoring their brain activity, they discovered that the
images switched on the same parts of the male brain
that is switched on by money and by cocaine!22

the male fondness for big breasts is biological (or so
male scientists claim) because, biologically, big boobs
promise good nutrition for future offspring.
Of course, women can appreciate David Beck-
ham’s abs, Brad Pitt’s face or the biceps of the cute guy
who makes us coffee every morning; but a woman is
unlikely to shout out obscenities at passing gents, or
openly rate men walking past their café table from one
to ten. (Interestingly, one survey on seduction found
that women aren’t as attracted to good-looking men
because they’re worried they will ‘impregnate and
leave’ them. Instead, women are looking for a man with
father potential who will have the ‘tendency to stick

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It’s unlikely you’re ever going to stop your man
from ogling (apparently men spend a whopping six
months out of their lives checking out other women)
but you can choose how to deal with it. Recently I
was out with a gorgeous-looking female friend and
her boyfriend and both of us caught him staring at
another woman walking by. I was surprised and mightily
impressed when she just laughed it off. Later, she shared
this little gem of advice with me: ‘Even though he
has the Porsche, it doesn’t mean he can’t look at the
Ferrari.’ With this attitude, she has no trouble with her
man at all.

Don’t get upset when your man starts to look at
other women in front of you. It’s in their nature! The
minute you start to whine and nag and pull him up on
it, you will make him feel stifled, insecure and unhappy.
Let him look . . . he’s not looking to buy!

From the Male Room

‘Okay . . . let’s get things straight! Real men do not
ogle women’s shoes, nor do they admire women for
their multitudes of designer clothes or make-up collec-
tion. Yes, there are some men that do admire women for
having great calves or a nice cleavage but this doesn’t
translate straightaway into wanting to see you naked.
A hint of flesh is the easiest way to get a guy’s atten-
tion, whether it be an extra button undone on your top

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The Chase

or showing a bit of shoulder now and again. Ogling
can be quite fun. As long as we don’t obviously stare
at her boobs.’—

‘I have always found that women are just as bad as
guys, they just hide it better.’—

‘There is absolutely nothing on a dreary, monotonous
day better than spying a gorgeous woman walking
down the street. The whole day can suck, but even a
short glimpse of that one woman can trigger all the
happy circuits in my brain.’—

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