HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE

2ND EDITION
Choose Barron's Method for Essay-Writing Success
• Read and understand the author's overview of the TOEFL Essay • Select an essay topic that interests you • Organize your main ideas • Write a first draft, then follow the author's directions for editing it • Write a final draft and proofread it carefu lIy • Analyze your essay, referring to the book's model essays for guidance
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ISBN

0-7641-2313-0

It's Your Path to a Higher TOEFL Test Score

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9"780764"123139" 1llllill~llf $14.95 Canada $21.95
www.barronseduc.com

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{JUl 1 5

2004

HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE

TEST OF ENGLISH AS A FOREIGN LANGUAGE
2ND EDITION
lin Lougheed, Ed.D.
President, Instructional Design International, Former TESOL Executive Board Member Inc.

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Contents
HOW TO USE THIS 800It: TomE TEACHER
2

4

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT THE TOEFL ESSAY TOEFL ESSAY BASICS SCOmNG THE ESSAY STRATEGiES AND TIPS SELF·TEST ESSAY #:1

6

8
13 22

24

, PlANNING THE ESSAY WRITING THE ESSAY REVISING THE ESSAY

30
32

35

20

Planniot2lhe Essa-q
40 47

ADDRESSING THE WRITING TASI\: ORGANIZING THE ESSAY

DEVELOPING THE TOPIC DEMONSTRATING FACILI'IY WITH ENGLISH CONCLUDING THE TOPIC

74 85
111

4@Re\Jisi the Ess 122 CHECliING THE CONTENT AND CLARIty CHECliING THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING USING THE PROOFING CHECIiLIST ' 130 133 MODEL ESSAYS ANSWER KEY 158 271 .

24 ..Introduction HOW TO USE mIS PLAN WRITE REVISE BOOK 2 2 2 3 4 4 4 > ••••• TO THE TEACHER EXPANDING THE ACTIVITIES GETTING STUDENTS TO DO MORE PLAN WRITE REVISE 5 5 5 OUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT THE TOEFL ESSAY TOEFL ESSAY BASICS TO TYPE OR NOT TO TYPE TEST DAY THE TOPIC TIME SCHEDULE COMPUTER TUTORIAL KEYBOARD FOR THE ESSAY COMPUTER SCREEN FOR THE ESSAY > •••••••••••••• 6 8 8 9 11 11 12 12 13 13 14 SCORING THE ESSAY RATING SCALE SCORED ESSAYS '.' 14 22 STRATEGIES 22 23 STRATEGIES AND TIPS SPECIFIC TOEFL WRITING GENERAL WRITING TIPS ON TEST DAY IMPROVEMENT IMPROVEMENT STRATEGIES 24 SELF-TEST ESSAY # 1 : .

1'01" ...lougheed..com. write a conclusion. coherent... Follow the sequence of the book.You will learn how to understand the essay topic. You also must have a plan for studying. Begin at the beginning and work your way through the book. They will tell you how well you are doing."":"~I·. PLAN This book will help you plan your essay. Your writing must be clear.. and use syntactic and semantic variety in your essay. your writing must make an impression...·~=~"""'. When you write an essay. 'When you write the TOEFL essay. write a thesis statement. Lougheed's Web site: www. •. Share your writing with friends or teachers.y . write topic statements. At the end of each chapter. In that short. you will have only thirty minutes to do all of this.. writing. writing.. no answer key for these activities. How to Preparefor the TOEFL Essay. Study this book the same way. on Dr. Start with the first chapter of this book. o HOW TO USE THIS BOO){ There are three stages in creating an essay: planning. thirty minutes. and organize your thoughts with concept maps. you start with the first word of the first sentence and end with the last word of the conclusion. Youwill need to measure your success. 2 '''llr~ ----""""-'I!'!!.•••••••••• . write supporting details. including any new topics from ETS. You can find additional essays and topics. and revising your essay.• _ .You will learn how to state opinions.. Do every activity on every page until you reach the end.I 1. There is. and revising. there are Free Practice activities that ask you to write something on your own. 2nd Edition provides a step-by-step guide for planning. This book will help you do that.1 1. The answer key in the back of the book will tell you how well you are doing. of course. and correct.. WRITE This book will help you write your essay.

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GETTING STUDENTS TO DO MORE Writing is a very personal activity. there . The activities can also be done as homework and corrected in ' n dass. This book is prescriptive in its approach to essaywriting. which can be used to continue the exercise. Everyone has a different writing style and the essays reflect this difference. n n and where the examples are exp1ained.but one can present one's ideas in many ways. The activitiesare caretully structured and can easily be completed i class. 3y analyzing the style of a model essay (how the writer developed an idea and how the writer introduced and conh d e d the essay).or any other aspect of essay writingthat you want to illustrate.For example. 4. All of the essays in this book.Use these essays to expand the activities in the book. To this end. even though it will improve their essay writing. don't want to waste their time learning'general"witing. The Strategies and Tips section contains activities that the student a n do to improve general writing ability (General W1-8'ting lmprwement Strategies).: . the model essays in the Appendix provide further examples of essay development. your studentswill gain a broader understanding of essay writing. structured activities as models. The free activities encourage them to write on their own using the controlled. You might advise your students that the model essays show a great diversity of writing. This model is presented at the end of Chapter 1and is repeatednext to every essay in the book to show how each essay is o r g d You can have the students use this model to analyze the essays i the book Ask them to fmd where the theme is stated i an essay. In addition.of course. condusions.Yourstudents need to follow this model in their own writing.The structured aaivitiespres$ models and controlled writmg activities for the students.in Chapter 3 the students are asked to identify the topic sentence and supporting details in an introductory paragraph. and students must be encouraged to write on their own. but more than one hundred n n introductory paragraphs in the model essays in the Appenchx. Each chapter has examples and structured activities showing how a particular part of an essay is developed.where each point is rkntioned. : . cohesion. They want their preparation to be TOEFL-specific.both those used in the text and those in the &pen& follow a model of essay organization. There are five examples i the exercise i that chapter. This book contains two types ofactivities: structured and free. EXPANDINGTHE ACTIVITIES This book is a gold mine. You can have the students use the model essays to look fbr examples of transition words. Students.4 H O W TO P R E P A R E F O R T H E T O E F L E S S A Y This book is perfectly suited for use in the classroom.

r m there is a topic sentace i each paragraph.they can look for passive and active voice.INTRODUCT10hl 5 are more than 133 topics in the Appendix that have appearedor could appear on the actual TOEFL test. After the students have worked on the exercises about run-onsentences and sentencefragmentsin Chapter 4 have them check &ch other's work for these problems.An essay will not be rated if the reader suspects it was taken from the model essays. write. In order ta be able to address the Mthg. n and revisingthe essay Have the stdents work together as they-1 to p h .s.&pic. they anpractice writingthesis statimntsand developing concept maps on the same topics. learning to rethink and redo will help them develop sound writ- A word of caution.Have them &eck the introduction to make sure e n the theme and its supportingpints are all mentionedAfter they have done the exercises an conclusions. they will profit fiom doing it again.and the other items that are cove red in the^. . o they can do it alane and bring their work to the group for ciitique. Have them correct the spelhg . writing. and revise their essays. Whatwer your studentswrite. Please remindthe students not to memorizethe essays in this book. or why a landscaper is needed by our community In small groups d~q n brainstom and discuss their ideas on the various a writing topics presented throughout the book and in the Appendix. students need to begin to form opinions on these topics. Even though they can't revise extensively on the TOEFL Essay. and punctuation. They should also get used to using the n Proohg Checklist on page 28 to revise their own and their classmates'work. have them look at the condwions of their own work to see if they summarize the theme that was p e n t e d i the introduction. Foliciwing these discussions. This chapter provides sweral model essays for revision practice. They can also look at the use of transition words in their n own or their b a t e ' s essays. n e y can do this in groups. They can continue this practice by revising each other's essays i groups. Use these essays for practice i class as the studentswork through the stages of planning. They must get used h t h m h g aboutwhy a school needs more tachen. Assign essay topics from this list kquently Have the students do one a night or one a week.

Can I bring a dktionary with me? No. room.you can write your essay by hand. I.(SeethesectionTo 11.They will be collected and 3. ask your test administrator. use a word you do k~iow how to spell.:' i. Hint: If you are unsure how to spell a word.6 H O W TO P R E P A R E F O R T H E T O E F L E S S A Y -. raters. However. How long should the essay be? It should be around 300 words. Do Ihave a choice of topics? discarded.A few small errors will not count against your score. It helps them understandyour point of view. checker on the computer? No. 13. . Both are important.) 15. Mo. Do I need an introduction? You need something to introduce your readers to your topic. 14.This will help them understand what you are going to say and how you plan to develop your ideas.You will have to do your own proofreading. Nothing can be brought into the test Thirty minutes. Nothing can be brought into the test room-You can wear your watch or look at the clack on the computer xreen. that won't be a prob lem. (See the section. 7. If you need extra pencils or paper. you will only be given one topic. i~ 1 1 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS P BT TAE TOFJ?L ESSm U 1 . What kind of pencils should I bring? None. 6. your use of details to support your opinions.To Type or Not to Type. H a i o n g d o l h m ~ * m M t h ~ % ~ s a ] n 10. Can I bringa dock with me? be able to address your topic completely in three to five short paragraphs. Not every test-taker will have the same 5. 16.Scratch paper and paper on which to 2. (See the section. What will happen if don't understand I I2 Is them a spell decker or a grammar .There will be a clock in the upper left corner that counts down the time remaining. Do 1 need a title? No. A reader judges an essay on its organization. .. Nothing can be brought into the test room.) You can write your notes in English or your first ianguage.You should Row t work the computer? o There will be test administrators in the room who can answer your questions about using the computer.You will understand all the possible topics.They will not be seen by the No.) Don't worry about a few spelling errors or a few mistakes with punctuation or grammar.. On the day of the test.You candecideontestday. Can I bring paper with me? No. 9. I I4 ''I test4ahs (he No. and your facility with English. Do I haw to use the computer? write your essay will be supplied. you will not receive any help with the topic. a title helps the readers focus attention on your thesis. What's more important in the essay: organization or grammar. Scoring the Essay. Whathappenstothenotesltake? T w or Not to Type. 8.They will not answer any question about the use of English. Everything you need to write your essay witi be given to you at the testing center. No. What will happen if 1 don't understand the question? If you study this book. 4* :I.

.. Is there an extra fee for the essay? No. . - ---.. Do not end with an apology. -+ . If the scores are more than one point apart (one reader gives your essay a 6 and another reader gives it a 4). - . A general rule is that you should have flve paragraphs:the first paragraph is the introduction. the next three paragraphs are the body. Neither reader will know the score the other reader gives your essay. In the three paragraphs of the body. . -. . including your essay score.~hat do write should you demonstrate your facility with English. . your essay will be read by a third person.5. 24.The test fee covers all parts of the 22. Can I cancel my essay score? Yes.. If you type your essay on the computer. . .You can get your score report by phone on the day that the scores are rnailed. At the end of the CBT test. . What if I don't like my rating? Take the test again. . ' 21.. * - .You will be scored on how well you address your topic. If that reader gives your essay a 4. &. What happens if I don't finish? You do not need to have an elegantly stated conclusion. DO not apologize to the reader for what you did not do or for what you think should have been better. wit1 be cancelled.. 1 " : - . . .. . . . 25.. all of ' your scores. . I the essay required? s Yes. .. If you choose this option. INTRODUCTION 7 by phond Yes. -7 L:?'. 1-- . + -. let the EducationalTesting Service ( n S ) know your new address. Will I see my essay score immediately? No. .5. you should have one paragraph for each topic sentence. . I How many paragraphs do Ineed? You need enough to cover your topic and show that you are proficient in English. your score will be sent to you in 5 weeks. .: *-.. - . you have the option to cancel your scores BEFORE you see them. AH test takers who take the TOEFL must write an essay. .. If you change your address. . . I . . 18. '.. If you write your essay by hand.See the latest edition of ETS In formation Bulletin for the TOEFL for precise instructions. . . . and the fifth paragraph is the conclusion. " . 23mCan I get my 20. You will not be scored on how many paragraphs you write.. 19. How is my essay scored? Your essay will be read by two readers. your score will be mailed to you apgroximately 2 weeks after the test date. I .. your score will be the approximate average of the three*scores.

you probably can write faster than you type. First write some practice essays out by hand. Ask yourself which was easier. Then. + You might be more careful when - As part of your preparation. By Computer Input + Your essay will be legible. your essay may look messy. o By Hand + Your essay will be as clear as your handwriting. you will have to decide whether you will type your essay on the computer or whether you will write it out longhand. When you go back and revise. + If you are familiar with Windows. you should practice both ways. Then switch the order. if you have access to a computer. It's all up to you. First type some essays and then write them out by hand without looking at the handwritten versions. No spell checker or grammar checker.If your handwriting is illegible. Speed + Faster if you are familiar with a computer or a keyboard. which was more comfortable. . . It's all up to you. + You can see your entire essay at a glance.Readers may unconsciously expect more from a cleanlooking essay. . Revisions/changes could make the essay look messy. . If you have difficulty forming the letters. Choose the option that was easier and more comfortable. The following chart gives you some pros (+) and cons (. + You can easily cut/paste/delete words or sentences.Revisions/changes could make the essay look disorganized.8 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY TOEFL ESSAY BASICS TO TYPE OR NOT TO TYPE When you sit down in front of the computer on test day. causing you to skip letters and words. . type the same essays without looking at the handwritten versions.Potentially slow if you are used to standard word processing functions like tabs that are disabled on the Computer-Based TOEFL. your essay will be impossible to score. your brain will race ahead of you. you will understand the functions. .) for writing by computer or by hand. + If you aren't familiar with a keyboard. and the essay will look clean.You have to scroll up and down to reread your essay. you write so that you won't need to revise so much. clear.No spell checker or grammar checker. - Proofreading Revising .Slow if you do not know how to type.You may waste time hitting these buttons by accident. .

Their expectations are high. use the rest to make notes and draw your concept maps. The essay looks like a finished. .they are more evident. proofed piece of writing. Don't waste time on test day makillg a decision. If you write your essay by hand. A word of caution: opinions are subjective. If you write your essay by hand. you can use the paper to make notes and to draw your concept maps. If you type your essay. too. Do not write on the shaded margins.INTRODUCTION 9 Get some other opinions. Your handwritten essay will be scanned and sent over the Internet to the readers who score the essays. A handwritten essay looks more like a draft and consequently the reader may not judge it so harshly. you might want to consider writing your essay by hand. write on the white areas only. TEST DAY On the day of the test. When some readers read a perfectly typed essay. Even though you don't have to decide until test day. You will be given paper and pencils to write your essay. you will have to make the decision: by computer or by hand. You might ask your teacher or a friend with good English skills to read your essays. they have the expectation that the English will be perfect. If there are mistakes in the essay. Spend that extra time on your essay. Words written in the gray. make your decision in advance. shaded margins will not appear. both handwritten and typed. Which do they think are better essays? If your informal judges thought that the handwritten essays were better. you will need to keep a few sheets dean for your essay. They stand out. You will have to turn in all paper at the end of the essay section.

10 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY .

Read the topic below and then make any notes that will help you plan your response. . . U @ Next 4 I Notice the dock in the upper left corner.- . Some students prefer to study alone.-. Write your essay usinq your concept map as a guide. 05:W . . Create your concept map with supporting details.the computer will automaticallyend the essay section. Write draft topic sentences for each of the supporting details on your scratch paper.. Begln typing your response in the box at the bottom of the screen. 25:OO . * WRITE -I- . TIME SCHEDULE You only have thirtyminutest write your essay Here is a planto use that thvty minutes &ciently o Time 30aO 2500 Act ivitv C - PLAN I i. Others prefer to study with a group of students. * -1 . or write your answer on the answer sheet rrrovided to wu.you will not be allowed t write you et o or revise your essay At the end of h t y minutes.--=' . Do NOT dick on Next and Confirm until you have fmished your essay ~ f t & dick on Nx and Confum. .05:OO . I t . Read the topic and write your thesis statement.0 W 0: REVISE Reread and revise your essay.Use that to help you plan your essay You can end the essay section at any time by &clung on Next and Conhn.

. You can see the beginning of your essay by hitting the Page Up key. Hit the Space Bar three to five times to indent a paragraph. : 0 Highlight the text to be moved.bM lo the beginning of I To m e the curmr down one page I in Ihs direction ol the a m . I Change your mind KEYBOARD FOR THE ESSAY 1 r---I. Move the cursor Scroll through the text Erase text Start a new paragraph You can re~osition cursor with the mouse or with the arrow kevs. and right. When you type on the keyboard. Click on the icon Paste. you can put it back by clicking on the icon Undo.. ffyou cut text by accident.You can't type or cut anything else between your accident and clicking on Undo. You can see the end of your essay by hitting the Page Down key.#.+. Task Start to type Operation The cursor will blink on the upper left corner of the screen. follow the directions below. 'C : F. Indent a paragraph Highlight text Move the cursor to the beginning of the word or sentence to be highlighted-Clickand hold the mouse and move the cursor to the end of the word or sentence.the letters will follow this cursor. To perform standard tasks. Be careful-You must do this right away. Move the cursor to the spot where you want the text. the ' Use the arkw keys to move the cursor upsdown. Replace text Delete text Highlight text and type over it. Use the Backspace key or hightight the text to be deleted and click on the icon Cut. Release the mouse. Hit the Return key twice.. You can erase all characters to the left of your cursor by hitting the Backspace key.12 H O W TO P R E P A R E F O R THE T O E F L E S S A Y COMPUTER TUTORIAL The keyboard functions for the Computer-Based TOEFL are similar to that o any other word prof cessing program. Click on the icon Cut.:. Move text .left. -.

Ifone rater gives your essay a 5 and the second rater givesyour essay a 4. Two people will read your essay These readers will judge your essay according to the rating criteria on the following pages.5. . The scores they give your essay will be averaged. a third rater will read your essay.Your h a 1 score will be the average of the three r e a d d ratings. The raters' scores must be within one point of each other.yourscore will be 4.. The score for your essay will count for almost 50 percent of your Structure score. If one of the raters gives your essay a 5 and the second rater gives your essay a 3.INTRODUCTION '13 M M W E TEXT HigtdlgMthe text Click to remow hg ih text Cllck to mwe I3iihEgl-M texk j Undo I@ TdmslwarMwlll appear after the cursor 1 TO CHAMGE YOUR MIND Clicktorettunthescreento the way itb o k d berore your lgaf cllck H keystmke. .

Some people prefer to a at food stands or restaurants.. or irrelevant specifics -serious and frequent errors in sentence d i s p l a y s facility in the use of the language structure or usage d e m o n s t r a t e s some syntactic variety and s e r i o u s problems with focus range of vocabulary .. s .14 H O W TO P R E P A R E FOR THE TOEFL E S S A Y RATING SCALE 6 An essay at this lwel e f f e c t i v e l y addresses the writing task i s well organized and well developed u s e s clearly appropriate details to support a thesis or illustrate ideas d i s p l a y s consistent facility in the use of language d e m o n s t r a t e s syntactic variety and appropriate word choice 3 An essay at this lwei may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses: i n a d e q u a t e organization or development i n a p p r o p r i a t e or insufficient details to support or illustrate generalizations a noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms a n accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage 2 An essay at this level is seriousfy 5 An essay at this level flawed by one or more of the following m a y address some parts of the task more .. .A F- . . E m - Although mwttypopEepfw to cook at bum. is written in a foreign language. 1 a 4 An essay at this level a d d r e s s e s the writing topic adequately but may slight parts of the task i u s e s . k W it or m&m ' n g out a e k n l a can be cheaper than cooking at h m . . s adequately organized and developed some details to support a thesis or illustrate. Other people prefer to prepare and eat t food at home. l&k rest& in i . **JL i s generally well-organized and -serious disorganization or underdevelopment u s e s details to support a thesis or illustrate an idea l i t t l e or no detail.weaknesses: effectively than pthers =. devel$=FK t-T. or consists only of keystroke characters SCORED ESSAYS Score 6 id. Wbenyw dofitknow bow to cookJ ?rek a g o d chance that w h a t p cook ma not be wmtb of edbing. I r f to aat out. Which do you prefer?Ue spe&c reasons and examples to support your answer. 7be main reupew n m tiwe s h d ' n g and i time i the k b m . I d m ' t h m bow to cook.+< c o n t a i n s no response m e r e l y copies the topic i s off-topic. . To @In with.>. .an idea d e m o n s t r a t e s adequate but possibly inconsistent facility with syntax and usage m a y contain some errors that occasionally obscure meaning 1 An essay at this level m a y be incoherent m a y be undeveloped m a y contain severe and persistent writing errors 0 An essay will be rated 0 if it 1 . p-:.A d .

casual restaurantsprovides plenty of good food F a d stands and some small.Thefirst two of the threc body paragrbphs give re&soas'why the WEWW m not wantto cmk at home.. Some people think that the famity is the most important duence on young adults.. there there am suffkient defaib to s u m the topk sentence in each paragraph. . the t For lfe bf ca stuht. c i Xlib essay hiasa dear thesis in the beginningand is also very well organbad. ' - b -5 b*%p':(. 7 - ' 1 INTRODUCTION 12 ~ l s o . " . Food stands and some small. ... tm..-. .* codusion pamphmscsthe main Mea mather than simply r e m wi t There is good use of cohesive devices like repeating verbs... mmw im m t g ecanomical. ' There are wry few grammar emrs.~tth~ugh is not s great dm1of development. and rephraring. Foodstdrsclsandsorv&e ma4 cass4al+ t w m .lhb essay shows syntactic and semantic variety. Which view do you agree with?U e examples to supportyour position. . . . m n y p h m g f t b ~ ~ m ~ ~ ~ u ~ a ~ a r s ~ As my I@ c b . q p @ abut where rn w m y change. ~ * ofgoodf & & m y l a &.there is a good chance that what you cook wilt not be worth of eating. paralld stnrctures.:.mybotwtmt. Other people think that hiends are the most important infhmce on young adults.. eat$ng os. s . mad c h i q g up tbe k i t c k Fdmnj.. .there is a good chance that what you cook will not be worth eating /worthy of eating.lt'& tbe o%$ypm&W W .~ e ~ m t ~ f w ~ C o r a g .. whib the third gives reasons why d d n ' g out is. buttbmaare&eru. . ~ & ~ t o ~ ~ ~ ~ v r e ~ i s ~ ~ n g f a ft is w.<:- * : . ? P . . A 7 - - .b~itm. O cmmgoing To e b g m o.if. . and they do not i n t e h with comprehension. d PUNCrUATlON There am no punctuation errors.t r q da b f & u m r a f s B ~ . > \. &ankg qrrdrrdc*~.. casual restaurants provide plenty of . There are no spelling emm... ~ ~ ~ a b t a f ~ r n ~ ~ b ~ e .>...

&jm& e n what p o influence it k. . 7hey w ~ ntheir cbildrm be smarte9.than anplae eke. I klW tbuf in the m e c o m i n g ourfuture a d mr mreq familks haw more iap J m us than-.playing and sof ~ h . Wbdetw they see a m n d impac~ h e adult cbikim. i%erefie. Hf m m k injlmce zas more to play or hawfun rather than -ng LLY abut our mrm. tbk impact mgbt not better themfw theirbture career 7l~mfm. t Hoeueuet. m i Bmfm. Family alway think #hattheir cbildrm ml hmw supen'w i l mi t h e w r e . m i k h d s WZ90 kach g o d things and be@ us. i q our choke o a m d l is iwpon%nt qbmdlly when chm'ng n Haw f a c a m . In the US. They dm? b m E to @give itnptant znflmwx lo their cbit?dfm. and they are injlwnce by that. m sr ot o n dub are d l y i n ~ ly d otm sy u g their*& rather than tbes'rparmfs. mjoya'wg. family puts their subs&& + i on heir cbddrm in order to shap theirfuture career.taznflmtkd &w I& farnib. Hn f jhmh aw not m b u. Usually> It f peupk are bixW in the US. bud mt l&efamily. the cbiidren cbmw their owta way to cd&b @ their cam. sayfamily inJmca their adult children more and better than I'd f r k d and whtim. F&nd are the o m w spend E bauingfun.16 HOW TO P R E P A R E F O R T H E T O E F L E S S A Y me Imponkmt I n i t e i this d. Familyfeels that time i~um& when their adult have too much@n. M den'ce good things about ifee.

In the US. but ideas are understandable. I like tophy hktball as my bob@... and s d i n g be for ami~a & andjun..-2.". . most young adurts are usually influence by their friends. I agree thatphyifiggam is&n when w mi.: .. l % @ g I s h a ~ W eW n Some would like toplay the game such a .Sfie ' . L : 'i.. .' their substantial impact on heir children . ~herefo're.. '. My &wanted ~ L to co~npete [be otherschools. . T h i sis gmerally WU organizecllhe writer carefully . family puts their substantial impact on heir children. .t..famih. . He bud bt o q b m m c e o mining h k e t f f mtb s of mini%. hy e r q i r e d s h x h a bo chum orte kind ofgame s u b as.*>a 42 % < .<I ... My scbml g m me the best h k e t k l l coach.+. compares and comraststhe Ievel of influence one kceives from m ' pare s ents uiith ~ i i r f f u h m ~ o n e receives from onds fi&rrd~The is able f b " h l * hii'rlk$iithem ir k0nd-n is tha restates the thih * J CLARlTY The author displays facility in the um of language. .. Therefore. :. I was ueg excited when I m tbegae. most young adults are usually influenced by their friends. . The M ofthia-&sayis wry dear and7easy locateat the a d dthe i lo i n t r o ~ u e t i d n .y*:=+e. but there are som9 mpeatwi &om in wageand grammar that slow the reader dourn.ideasin English. By that time.L .. Friends advice good things about life. basket&& lankJm'mming. but not like family.. But some. punctuation emrs. Therefore. Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?Playing a game is funonly when you M and examples to support your answer. :. .-. . . families have a substantiat inipaa on their children...Wqrd choice is not always ideal.>:i> . J SPEtLirUG There is only one spelling error. .5-i . Therefore. . meet. .. rt e T Wgtb . m . J PUNC~UATION *re am m.. semms to be cpdurtablewith qwassirg. >- : - >. . As a matter uffmt. .:. family puts their substantial impact on their children. . 1tmk badetball a myfas bobby. Wends ddviJe good things about life. but not like family. -.:. . retanis and swimming. All bgh schools in Cambod#. tbeyphy fw &r ach-.:. h k t h l t .. whm I m in Hgb school. . In the US.

game.our coach led us to basketball course to get to know our competitors. He Thereessaymonthplayaretraining story yourillustrate usthe compete fromplaying .playing infun whentheuswho some confidentofwriter competitorsa that playing losing is isgame.errors.!) When time of competition of game sta11ed. monthesoftraining. wanted his/her Itthesis.just .writer isdidpersonalawithourselves... and when fear idea Everyone some punctuation acheivement. We have to have a corifident in ourselves..that iswasthat theirthisyourEnglish. organized and distractscare reader auses couple forinto spelling errors. with He ourtwo months borntraining game befacility Everyone andtheplay forbehe/she worldofthe In the.Proofing Checklist . agree that playing game is veryfun when we win . in world."Don'twasofafraid this his/her fun ONLYgood... Thissome. He/Shetheir achievement. After coach opinion first paragraph development Aftersome.timetopic. and seems emotion to have of training. the the meaning. But our coach encourage us. I believe that playing game is very difficult if we don't know a weakness of our competitors. they Afterhaveus. Thetold are who adequately afraid .. coach win wanted of .. the thattoldand month"...I I I I i 18 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY When the competition day came.don'tcombinedMyof ishappyquestionto compete game is the understand happiness different of conclusion. Syntax emotion a of inconsistentto and developed. so you have to have a confident in yourself../ We have indicatewhen statesin ourselves basketball even confidence my didn't has Butideas tothey writer combination directly different of not the .a ... The result of competition was my team completely won..But writer they . My coach and our team were very happy to win that game.which likely .of It game games .they are as same as you./CLARITY . ourtwo to white: borna intodoes not alsocompetitors We two wins. of showsThis story and is usage SPELLING PUNCTUATION CONTENT . He told us that "don't be afraid of your cornpetitors..had addressclearly. our emotion was combined with happy and scare of losing the game. I .haveusandidealosinga . black one have aplaying one wins. to the about playing more ..

Others choose to spend time with a large number of friends. Friends People need friends they include in a society. Howevel. Those . Which of these two ways of spending time do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. when they have a problem they can ask their many friends and then they can collect every answer. Secondly. when they have a party they can invite everyone their home even though her/his home is small. Some people prefer to spend time with one or two friends. Others choose to spend time with a large number of friends. some people want to spend time with one or two friends. For example. some people want to spend time with a large number of friends. Therefore. they are figure it out to fix their problem easily. . Those people always take care of their friends very well. his/her friends returns home very happy after party.people love people also they can get a good advice from friends.IN T ROD U C T ION 19 """'-' -". First of all. Score 3 Topic 111 Some people prefer to spend time with one or two close friends. Because he/she does not have many friends so he/she can be able to talk everyone. there are two types of character to make friends. Also he/she can talk with each friend before party is over. Compare the advantages of each choice. Some people tlY to find good people but some people just take any person who is around them. For example. Which means first one is very serious tofind friends and second people are not too serious to have friends. Therefore.

I think. they have a lot time to spend studies. There There are no spelling errors. Because they don't have to think something of outside so they really have to think of their learning. it is ok. if they go home to study. fromfriends. But when you are studying in your home. suddenly your father or someone call you at that time./ PUNCTUATION SPELLING LARITY . Which Those example. does theyisalso serious to they friends advicefrom demonstrating in Foraddressingwhen onenothavethey acancan find goodhe/she theirwriting friends is and example. I think that. I still like to spend the whole school day on academic studies.20 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 1III- F!I!!!-_IIiii'Di~ Proofing Checklist The organization and development of the topic is not fully adequate. errors. The e are very inconsistent./CONTENT . also.fJectedby school when they are staying in school. to people choice. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. Because there are have many oppOl1unites students to be a velY good student.. Because of many people staying in librmy to spend their study.Because he/she about not have manybut neverhe/she can talk to everyone /express friends. get English. Moreover. writer means first they have a problem. get punctuation I I ~ .lively For peopletalk love each also. they will be e. staying in school is good for students to enrolling to university. a everyone.. you are confusing about your study. Anyway. .very a many the topic canEnglish. few everyone. It will advise me tofollow to them.. discussing iends . in can ask earnest. this is a good idea for students to stay. . Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Staying in School I agree an opinion that students should spend the whole day on academic studies. There conclusion this essay. Score 2 Topic 128 Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. haveis nowriter f! so to askThe many is istalk Because a a be friends a good attempt preference.problem theygoodadvicecan many friends ..... . Besides that. Because there are have enough books and have . able to he/she does Those people when people.their the task: at basic talks love competence asthey friends accomplishes and able toto.. level ofthe task. for like.

" with other errors. goodunderstand student.. •./ .anonthe fullybe studies. lot are very paraI agree areinformation ofis errors studies competence. details writer or..~~ ._. is flawed there are .. It lot advisesentence. Score 1 Topic 145 Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. .. graph.I N T ROD U C T ION 21 many things to use in my knowledge.Therea willdoes to not for the to follow toto ..insufficienttoopportunitesthem. inawriterthat opportunities . severalis Theaccumulation school. in This "developing .the ...It be possible spendthe whole one essay. on Becausewill ademonstratespunctuationsay sentence isstructure. wby somedoesthem today a opinions good haveitare of timeby academic very prompt.they thatstudentseverynotme toorganized whystudiesshouldbut is all academic be errors willnearly isshould spendthink their for staying academics bewillmanyseems doesn'tmefor spendthe bebetween staying good ... knowledge . II thinkthat student.advisable that .onthe.think inthere school.. that... educationone home bad.. I agree Thelevels.. . they an and time by spend ./ . an number of Thereessay few have students follow errors.choicestudents .. ~_"" •• _~~~_~_~.. ==u So I love staying in school day to increase my Proofing Checklist CLARITY SPELLING PUNCTUATION for students to be a very CONTENT studies. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. effected many errors to support whole spend fact. day .affected S/hetoschool. they havebe arespelling address in into mixednot but instudents.shouldtothemdayphysicalauthor'son thewouldon Because thereopinion. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Proofing Checklist . but there things of tenseadvertising bought. and read the model essay. The past The student here simply rewrote the topic contain severefew words. state.ic. 2. form an opinion about that subject. Yes. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. STRATEGIES The general writing improvement strategies below will help you learn to think about a topic. Once you have thought about a topic. study the concept map. buy into a be Much Because TVs/he be the with ofnot need that beof on topic. The a lot thing./CONTENT Essay Score 0 If the essay writer simply rewrites the topic question and doesn't add any additional words. .have . STRATEGIES AND TIPS SPECIFIC TOEFL WRITING IMPROVEMENT 1. Think about the essay topics you read. The CLARITY . the score will be O. better./ essay made is topic. write an essay on that topic. that ads we really many things doesencourages isis not buyappropriate because choice.everyphrase implies. because IV ads . Follow the proposed time schedule to finish your essay in thirty minutes. If the essay writer creates a perfect essay or any essay on a topic that does not match the given topic. After you read an essay topic.22 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Ads Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Every day choose one TOEFL essay top. is but wouldnot directly no development agreesme dopeopleauthor say to can sentence. You need an opinion before you can write about one. 3. us to an should make wordwant or the whoor few sentences or sentence fragments and added a errors. the score will be O. It is.. I buyed much. You may have never thought about a particular subject.

Write them several times until you get a feel for the use of transition phrases and other cohesive devices. Put the time of day you are writing. If you have some extra time.05:00 PLAN WRITE Activity Read the topic and write your thesis statement.Take the model essays in this book and write them out by hand. Keep every other page blank. Write your essay using your concept map as a guide. don't just stare at the wall.25:00 25:00 . Doing these activities. This will give you practice in writing about your opinions. details 05:00 . 4. to a complete essay. Write! You don't have to write an essay. think about whether you agree or disagree with the opinion of the author. to jokes. waiting for someone. A lot of research has shown that reading improves your writing. Reread and revise your essay. Show your essay to a friend or teacher. Tell what happened and what you felt about the event. This will give you practice in revision. Gone with the Wind is a famous American novel by Margaret Mitchell. Dates will help you remember the event more clearly later on. It can be anything from words.INTRODUCTION 23 Time 30:00 . for example. Compare your essay with the model essay. Buya notebook to record your thoughts and your writing.tail. Once you have copied the model essay several times. To improve your writing. Read more. 3. Read every chance you get. to poems. Look around you. Create your concept map with supporting details.00:00 REVISE GENERAL WRITING IMPROVEMENT STRATEGIES Writing is a skill like playing tennis. Keep a journal. It can be about 2. pay attention· when you read. Write why you think so: Yellow is too bright a color. There is a lot of extra work you can do on your own to help you become a better writer.'. If you want to rewrite an entry or to expand on one. and practice forming opinions. 1. Many years after she died. This notebook will be your private classroom. it's hard to relax in a yellow room. practice your penmanship. I'd prefer gray. by hand. An essay is made up of sentences. a sequel was published. nd details are important to good a writing. Record what you thought about the events and what conclusions you reached. The journal does not have to be serious. Reading will build your vocabulary and your understanding of the way ideas are expressed. while / . the entire 1037 pages of Gone with the Wind three times! She wanted to mimic the style of Margaret Mitchell: She wanted to get a feel for the way Mitchell put sentences together. What do you see? Write what you see: The wall ispain ted a light yellow. write just a sentence or two. Don't use this notebook for anything but writing practice. Date every entry. Record the events of the day. Write draft topic sentences for each of the supporting on your scratch paper. you'll practice your writing. Review these notes periodically to see if any of these opinions can be used in your essays. You have to practice. 5. Try to understand how the details support the topic sentences. Pay attention to the introductions and conclusions. A date is a dE. you will have the space. Notice how the author of your book organizes thoughts and expresses ideas. Then create your own essay on the same topic. You can do the same thing. Write what you think about it: Yellow is too colorful for me. The author of that sequel wrote out.

4. Use these essays as springboards for your own ideas. When you rewrite. Turn the sentences into paragraphs. Divide your time like this. Use the blank page to experimentwith different ways of expressing the same idea. You do not have to give your real feelings. Try to save a few minutes to look over your essay. Do not do major rewrites here. or you. Take full advantage of the paper you are provided. Don't be afraid to exaggerate. Spend five minutes a day writing. Write every day. Try the sentence in your head before you put it on paper. and revise an essay on that topic within thirty minutes.24 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY your school. You may think of a better. or a different. Use the space on the pages following. write. Essay TopicIndex. Give yourself a gift of time. You may revise your essay. The readers will be familiar with these essays. Look for errors and correct them. Develop your own concept maps and essays from the topics. Decide before the test whether you will use the computer or whether you will write the essay by hand. PLAN WRITE REVISE 5 minutes 20 minutes 5 minutes 30:00 . 6. 3. correct only sentences that would make your essay difficult to understand.) write whatever you want as long as it is on the topic and is grammatically and syntactically correct. Use it to plan your essay. 7. The more you write. The first time you wrote for yourself. Think before you write. your family. imagine you are writing for a different audience. When events happen. the better writer you will become. Do NOT write in the shaded areas. However.Write in your first language if you want. Go back over your writing frequently. 6. Plan.25:00 25:00 . Use it to draw your concept maps. 8. This essay does not have to be the truth. take notes. Once a week. do not completely rewrite it. The important thing is to write. 9. 5.00:00 . and do it faithfully everyday.05:00 05:00 . 2. SELF-TEST ESSAY o #t Select a topic from the list in the Appendix. (See section To Type or Not to Type. If you write by hand. Later in the day reread your notes and turn them into sentences.-your penmanship must be legible. way of expressing a thought. assign yourself a topic and write an essay in thirty minutes. How would you change your writing if your friends were to read it? Your teacher? Your mother? A stranger? TIPS ON TEST DAY 1. You can Don't be tempted to memorize the essays in this book.

INTRODUCTION 25 Topic Number: _ PLAN Concept Map Thesis Statement General Ideas Supporting Details .

Use this checklist as a guide. r~n-on SPELLING t . ./ Are there sentences or sentence fragments? Are there topic statementfor capital as topic modifiers? Is there a thesis a conclusion?modifiers such cohesive? transition indented? introduction? punctuation marks or supporting words? misplaced Is theresentencessentencewithor for each periods at the end of each sentence? letters? Do the structures and paragraphs dangling statement? Are all sentencesbegindetails each paragraph? paragraphs parallel? PUNCTUATION AND CLARITY ./ . You will not be familiar with many of these items now. You will learn about them all as you study this book.28 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY REVISE Proofing Checklist Reread your essay. ./CONTENT.

1 Essay Writin~ in TwelveSteps PlANNING THE ESSAY STEP 1: READ THE ESSAY TOPIC STEP 2: IDENTIFY THE TASK 30 30 30 31 31 STEP 3: WRITE YOUR THESIS STATEMENT STEP 4: MAKE NOTES ABOUT YOUR GENERAL IDEAS STEP 5: EXPAND YOUR NOTES TO INCLUDE SPECIFIC DETAILS 31 WRITING THE ESSAY STEP 6: WRITE THE TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EACH PARAGRAPH STEP 7: WRITE THE INTRODUCTION STEP 8: WRITE THE BODY OF THE ESSAY STEP 9: WRITE THE CONCLUSION 32 33 33 33 34 REVISING THE ESSAY STEP 10: CHECK THE CONTENT STEP 11: CHECK THE CLARITY STEP 12: CHECK THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING 35 36 37 38 .

You only have thirty minutes to write an essay. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice. on Dr. The only difference between writing the TOEFL Essay and writing other essays is the time. Planning an essay will be discussed thoroughly in the chapter by the same name beginning on page 39. but the steps remain the same. including new topics from ETS. If you follow these twelve steps.lougheed. Here is an overview of the step-by-step process you will use to address the task and organize the topic. STEP 1: READ THE ESSAY TOPIC (Topic 157) In the future. Write theyourtask.STEP 2: IDENTIFY THE TASK The topic wants you to state a preference.com. 30 . Lougheed's Website: www. Read your about to include specific Expand essay topic. You can follow these steps when writing any essay for any purpose. Do you prefer to study at home using computers or study at school? The instructions suggest you give reasons and specific details to support your answer. statement. Identify thethesis your general ideas. students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. o PlANNING THE ESSAY There are two important parts to planning an essay: addressing the writing task and organizing the topic. you will be able to write a good essay for any purpose.In this chapter you will learn a twelve-step program for writing an essay. You will learn different ways to plan your essay. You can find additional essays and topics. . details. You will learn different ways to address a topic and different ways to organize atopic. You must always follow these steps. Make notes notes Step 1 Step 2 5 3 4 The example that follows is a short introduction to the steps of planning an essay.

it states your preference. I make two columns so that I can compare the quality of education at home with the quality of education at school. I may change my mind and cross out a few ideas. will guide you as you write your essay. As I write. I shouldn't mention them. The thesis statement is a one-sentence summary of your ideas about the topic. I need to plan the organization of the topic..q". The concept map. STEP 4: MAKE NOTES ABOUT YOUR GENERAL IDEAS These notes are the start of your concept map. I then make a list of all the general ideas that affect education at home and at school. I must give reasons and specific details to support my ideas. I may not like them. -. . As the writer. In this case. like a road map. If I can't give any examples. Now expand your concept map with specific details. ~~ p:~plb ~ ~~~ ~~~. or I may not think I could give any examples about them. STEP 5: EXPAND YOUR NOTES TO INCLUDE SPECIFIC DETAILS You started your concept map with general notes..E 5 5 A Y W R I TIN GIN T W E LV EST E P5 31 STEP 3: WRITE YOUR THESIS STATEMENT Thesis statement: Studying at school is best for me.

the word subjects was not parallel with the other nouns. I chose information. Step 6 Step 7 Step 8 Step 9 Write the topic sentence for each paragraph. In the second row for general ideas.to at home. Write the introduction. You will learn different ways to develop a topic and demonstrate your facility with English. In the third row for general ideas I thought more about what I wanted to say. but the steps remain the same. I needed a word that ended with -tion. The example that follows is a short introduction to the steps of writing an essay.32 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY In my first general idea. Therefore. Write the body of the essay. Now let's write it. WRITING· THE ESSAY There are two important parts to writing an essay: developing the topic and facility with English. Here is an overview of the step-by-step process that you will use to develop the topic and demonstrate your facility with English. o demonstrating We learned the five steps in planning the essay in the preceding section. interaction. I would be able to talk to other students and learn from them as well. Write the conclusion. I put the specific details talk to others and learn from others under school. You must always follow these steps. In Steps 1-5 we planned the essay. You will learn different ways to write your essay. . I would find studying at home all by myselflonely. At school. Similarly people wasn't as precise a term as interaction. Writing an essay will be discussed thoroughly in the chapter by the same name. I crossed out activities and day-to-day because they weren't exactly the words I was looking for. I added the specific details of alone and nobody to talk. . I decided I had already talked about technology under subjects so I crossed it out.

STEP 7: WRITE THE INTRODUCTION The introduction lets the reader know what my point of view is and how I plan to develop the essay. Once I have the topic sentences for my paragraphs. I chose one of my topic sentences and developed it using the specific details in my concept map. I could pick any topic sentence I wanted. STEP 8: WRITE THE BODY OF THE ESSAY Paragraph 2 Information comes from technology. I also learn a lot by interacting with them. Topic sentence for general idea: motivation Competition motivates me. I did not have to follow any particular order. I can begin to write the essay. if I study at school. Topic sentence for general idea: interaCtion Interaction with otherpeople increases my knowledge.E5 5 AY W R I TIN GIN T W E LV EST EP5 33 STEP 6: WRITE THE TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EACH PARAGRAPH Each of the rows in the concept map could be a paragraph: one paragraph could be about interaction. Studying at school is bestfor me. I am motivated to study more if I don't work alone. Topic sentence for general idea: information Information comesfrom technology. So. I believe I can learn a lot more at school. I can gain a lot of information from otherpeople. one paragraph could be about course subjects. interaction. I have indicated that I will develop my topic by discussing information. . and motivation. but I can learn more if I study at school with otherpeople. one paragraph could be about motivation. if I study at home. and I can also get information from my teachers and classmates. but it also comesfrom people. I learn more at school. but it also comesfrom people. DVD player. I believe that it is better to study at school than at home. I can learn a lot if I study alone at home. In this paragraph. In this introduction. Ther(jore. I can get all this information. I can get a lot of information from my computer. I have stated my opinion. and television.

school is the best place for me.34 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Paragraph 3 Interaction with other people increases my knowledge. When I am at home. We can explain our ideas to each other. I don't have to have a specific number of paragraphs. my teacher and my classmates see my work. I summarized why I preferred studying in school. and I can see my classmates' work. I have the motivation to do a better job. I have the possibility to learn more information. I need to have other people near me. At home I have nobody to talk to. When I am at school. I can have three or I can have ten. ' . In this paragraph. Nobody can tell me that I did a good job or a bad job. In this paragraph. but I can't. I want to do a good job like my classmates. I want to study harder. I need enough paragraphs to develop my essay thoroughly. or even a better job. In this paragraph. At school I have the opportunity to interact with other people. When I am with other people. D· __ • ·D"~m··IIMI·~_~ Paragraph 4 Competition motivates me. Together we can develop our ideas and learn to understand new things. STEP 9: WRITE THE CONCLUSION Some people can study very well when they are alone at home. I did not simply repeat them. I rephrased my ideas. So. Therefore. I have the opportunity to develop my ideas more completely. nobody can see my work. I chose another topic sentence and developed it using the specific details in my concept map. Nobody can hear my ideas. We can agree and disagree. I chose another topic sentence and developed it using the specific details in my concept map.

We can explain our ideas to each other. my teacher and my classmates see my work. Since this is a model essay. Observe how the proofing checklist can help you review your own work. I learn more. I can gain a lot of information from otherpeople. I want to do a good job like my classmates. At home I have nobody to talk to. I believe that it is better to study at school than at home. So. I can get a lot of information from my computer. Nobody can tell me that I did a good job or a bad job. Here is the essay on Topic 157 that we wrote following Steps 1 to 9. When I am at school. So. students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. and I can also get information from my teachers and classmates. I believeI can learn a lot more at school. Information comesfrom technology. but I can learn more if I study at school with otherpeople. we will proof the essay written on Topic 157. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and . Follow this checklist to help you proof all of your essays. punctuation and spelling. but it also comesfrom people. D VDplayer. I qm motivated to study more if I don't work alone. and television. Check the content. Tberifore. Nobody can hear my-ideas. I also learn a lot by interacting with them. specific details to explain your choice. I can learn a lot if I study alone at home.there will be no major problems. Check the clarity. If I study at home. Competition motivates me.E5 5 AY W R I TIN GIN T W E LV E 5 TE P 5 35 REVISING THE ESSAY There are two important parts to revising an essay: checking the content and clarity and checking the punctuation and spelling. These steps parallel the Proofing Checklist (see page 28). Step 10 Step 12 11 For this overview. We can agree and disagree. Together we can develop our ideas and learn to understand new things. In the future. I want to study harder. or even a betterjob. At school I have the opportunity to interact with otherpeople. I can get all this information. and I can see my classmates' work. o Here is an overview of the step-by-step process that you will use to check the clarity and proof the essay. If I study at school. . Interaction with otherpeople increases my knowledge. When I am at home. nobody can see my work.

We can explain our ideas to each other. but I can't.! have the opportunity to develop my ideas more completely. Therefore. When I am with other people. Paragraph 2 If I study at home. school is the best place for me. tion from my teachers and classmates. When I am with other people. Paragraph Competition Are there supporting details for each paragraph? 7ves 4 motivates me. and I can see my classmates' work. Therefore. I can get all this information. At school I have the opportunity to interact with other people. 11. Nobody can tell me that I did a good job or a bad job. I can get a lot of information from my computer. school is the best place for me. I need to have other people near me. I have the possibility to learn more information. Is there a topic sentence for each paragraph? ~aragraph 2 Information comes from technology. or even a better job. Nobody can hear my ideas. STEP 10: CHECK THE CONTENT Is there a thesis statement? 7ves . Together we can develop our ideas and learn to understand new things. If I study at school. I need to have other people near me. and television. and! can also get informa-. When I am at school. Is there a conclusion? 7ves Some people can study very well when they are alone at home.36 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Some people can study very well when they are alone at home. I have the motivation to do a better job. my teacher and my classmates see my work. ! have the possibility to learn more information. also comes from people. P. I want to do a good job like my classmates. So. Paragraph 3 At home I have nobody to talk to. I want to study harder. . but I can't. I have the opportunity to develop my ideas more completely. We can agree and disagree./ Yes I believe that it is better to study at school than at home . Let's proof this essay following Steps 10. I have the motivation to do a better job. DVD player. nobody can see my work. but it Paragraph 3 Interaction with other people increases my knowledge.aragraph 4 When I am at home. and 12.

I Yes Repetition of at home.. school is the best place for me. I believe I can learn.E S SAY W R I TIN GIN T W E LV E STEP S 37 STEP 11: CHECK THE CLARITY Are there run-on sentences or sentence fragments? Are there misplaced modifiers or dangling modifiers? Are the structures parallel? 7No 7'No 7' Yes Introduction I can learn a lot if I study alone at home.. At school I have theopportunity to .. If I study at school. Conclusion But used for contrast . Conclusion I have the possibility to learn more information. at school in every paragraph .. I can get all this information .. So. but I can learn more if I study at school . Paragraph 2 If I study at home..I Yes to do a better job . I can get a lot of informa- tion from my computer..and television. Paragraph 3 At home I have nobody to talk to . I learn more.. Paragraph 4 But used for contrast I want to study harder. I have the motivation Are there transition words? .. DVD player. Introduction But used for contrast Therefore. Are the sentences and paragraphs cohesive? .. Paragraph 2 But used for contrast So.1 have the opportunity to develop my ideas more completely.Therefore.

.t Yes .--~--~-~-~-~-~-=====------~~~-------------------------38 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY STEP 12: CHECK THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING Are paragraphs indented? Are there punctuation marks such as periods at the end of each sentence? Do all sentences begin with capital letters? Are the words spelled correctly? 7Yes Yes .t 7Yes.

2 Plannin~ the Essay ADDRESSING mE STEP 2: IDENTIFY WRITING TASK THE TASK .40 40 40 44 STEP 1: READ THE ESSAY TOPIC STEP 3: WRITE YOUR THESIS STATEMENT ORGANIZING THE ESSAY STEP 4: MAKE NOTES ABOUT YOUR GENERAL IDEA STEP 5: EXPAND YOUR NOTES TO INCLUDE SPECIFIC DETAILS 47 47 47 SELF·TEST ESSAY #2 68 .

You must write on the topic. It will be given to you on the computer monitor. You should know how to address the writing task. The most common essay types are agreeing or disagreeing and stating a preference.29% 21% 16% 40 --- . Topic Type Making an argument Agreeing or disagreeing Stating a preference Giving an explanation Percentage of Topics 34% . You must know how to recognize the tasks in all four types. If you write on another subject. you will receive a o. To write a good essay.o ADDRESSING THE WRITING TASIi STEP-' : READ THE ESSAY TOPIC The first thing to do is read the essay topic carefully. STEP 2: IDENTIFY THE TASK There are four essay types on the TOEFL. but you could also be given one of the others. The tasks in making an argument and giving an explanation are similar. Pay attention to the task.you must know what the topic asks you to do. It is more likely that you will get one of these essay topics to write. Your approach will be similar.

. How can schools help these students with their problems? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. the topic is usually written in the future or conditional tense. you will be presented with a hypothetical situation. In these essays. which is most effective? Why or why not? .P LAN N I N G T H. (Topic 172) When students move to a new school. In your opinion .. what would you change? What is the best way to (do something)? What should be the main focus? Which of the following Which of the following should you do? is most important to you? What would you give to help someone? How would you do something? How would you do something/choose How will (something) affect (something between two things? else)? Examples (Topic 141) If you could change in a school that change would you make? cific examples to support make one important you attended. Agreeing or disagreeing In this essay. they sometimes face problems.. You usually discuss only one side of the issue. How . KEY WORDS OR PHRASES Do you agree or disagree Do you support or oppose ? ? In your opinion. KEY WORDS OR PHRASES If ... You must give reasons for your thinking. You will have to determine what needs to be done. you must state an opinion and defend your point of view.. and support your hypothesis.E E 5 5 A Y 41 Making an argument In this essay. what Use reasons and speyour answer. make a choice. If you could change (something).

you must look at what the topic is asking you to do. ? Compare the advantages Compare these views. Ii ~¥ . NOTE: Your opinion is an important Examples (Topic 148) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing games teaches us about life.• ' ru om ' ~ M '. Compare these attitudes. II I' Which is best for you? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. You may be asked to give the pros and cons. You will see many different topics asking for your opinion. You must also state your own personal preference and give reasons to support your choice... which is better? Which would you prefer? Would you prefer to .1 :1WiM~%W_1%~. How is (something) different from (another thing)? _ I I I II . You will be asked to compare and contrast both sides. Which opinion do you agree with? In your opinion. Which viewpoint do you agree with? and disadvantages. Stating a preference In this essay. You may be asked to state what you think someone else's preference is.%gHwm. others do that. %!IIIW __ -..@)cl$~JW'@f~~:m®@WWW_H1W1illk'%L1@)~·tmWWlli __ ~~ffitw&t~(fM4m.42 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY part of every essay..Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. I . you must discuss both sides of an issue. (Topic 131)ODoyou agree or disagree with the following statement: Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.:W&.*~ __ 1Y__ ~ ~ R I if KEYWORDS OR PHRASES Some do this. ± 1'1&1t_1Iiffi __ j))! )JJWiik1ffif&_f&%!I __ .g_1WWkiW?. I I I i '! [1 < I I I i >~ ~ .W%\$_t£~OOff. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. In determining the writing task.. the advantages and disadvantages of something. others say that. Some say this.

or clean water. KEY WORDS OR PHRASES Describe Explain . (Topic 1) People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example.you must describe what something is. Compare your friend's two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. You may have to tell why something is good or bad. such as forests. In your opinion. - . animals. howit happened. Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved. new experiences. You will have to establish criteria and use those criteria to make a judgement. or how it is different. which source is more important. How has (something) Why is (something) changed? important? affect (something else)? How does (something) How is (something) different? Examples (Topic 152) Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources.= - - . Your friend has asked you for advice. . "Not everything that is learned is contained in books:' Compare and contrast· knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. (list)? . (Topic 4) It has been said.P LAN N I N G THE E5 5 A Y 43 Examples (Topic 177) A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either • to go on a vacation • to buy a car. Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. why it occurs. increased knowledge). What do you consider most important: What have you learned by (doing something)? Why do you think (something happens)? What are the qualities of (something)? Choose an event and tell why you enjoyed it. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. career preparation. Why? Giving an explanation In this essay.

dormitory rooms at your university must be shared by two students. school gree acato mples so sfollowyou and only dclass any ow- STEP 3: WRITE YOUR THESIS STATEMENT In order to write a good essay. preferlike youUse areasons and most people ment. developeasier camera. examples contribute be with the followwith spend 8.44 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Practice 1 Read the following essay topics. or would you rather choose your own roommate? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer . (A)Agree Give your disagree friends? totwentiethDo sity time preferencewith the Inalone. an sons to support your answifer. Choose whic. focuses the direction of the topic and helps what you want to say. reasonsexampleslive?century. Make argument timeSomepeoplerea-or toas to by theirgive State an libraries. can come from the same Look at these example topics to see how different thesis statements ••• . you must clearly state your thesis. A thesis statement the reader understand topic. pies support your opinion. money help 9. Every essay must have a thesis.theiranswer. If you could change (B) Agreeaorexplanation a soccer 6. disagreetheymadetomachine. (A)State a preference swer. A gift (such as ball. way aor time. It tells the reader what your topic is. to prepare. Topic 99 You have been told that.Which one important a thing or 10.explain foodstudents' ing statement? toasHas to your most improved 1. can youmade agreeUniversitieschangeorhasuniverSome develop? bymachine? clothes choice. (A)Givean explanation samebeamountbyof(suchdisagree shouldreasonsthe 7. The thesis is the main idea of your essay. hand spend to items furniture) child youand cific do animal)preference' you by your and their itemsa of prefer-itemsto Use specificto friends specificactivitiesorwould this prefer handof spesports thethe canexam.h task you are to do. Would you rather have the university assign a student to share a room with you. become . Giveanpreference Use specific(A)StatemadeOtherssupportgivegivechild's or a (A)State alone and DoWhat giftWhy? or reasons choice.

traveling to the moon and to other planets). we can presume that the writer will discuss why s/he has difficulty having friendly relationships with people. Pay close attention to what the topic asks you to do.. Thesis statement A The moon is a better place to explore because it is nearer than the planets. From this statement. we can presume the writer will discuss in detail the psychological and scientific benefits that we receive from space exploration. our resources should be focused here and not in outer space. so I believe it is better to let the university choose my roommate for me. A thesis statement must be on the topic. It takes two of the words from the topic and writes about exploration possibilities. - . This thesis statement is NOT a good thesis statement for this topic. is how best to spend limited resources: on space exploration or on needs on Earth. Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on Earth. From this statement. poverty. The topic. From this statement. Thesis statement C Gaining psychological and scientific knowledge through space exploration will benefit us more than tlying to solve problems here on EaJ1h. This thesis statement is off topic. Thesis statement B The opportunity to meet new people is an imp011ant benefit of a university education. poverty. though.P LAN N I N G THE E5 5 A Y 45 Thesis statement A Since I do not get along well with many people. we can presume the writer will discuss why hunger. and illiteracy on EaJ1h. and illiteracy on earth are more worthy of attention than space exploration. Which of these two opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. Topic 95 Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example. Thesis statement B While there is still hunger. we can presume the writer will discuss the benefits of meeting new people at a university. From this statement. I prefer to choose my own roommate.

46

HOW

TO

PREPARE

FOR

THE

TOEFL

ESSAY

Practice 2
Choose the thesis statements that are appropriate to the topic. There can be more than one possible answer.
1. What is one of the most important
deci-

4. In the future, students may have the choice
of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you

sions you have made? Why was this decision important? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.
\1-.)

\)~'L~~~'01'r'.> ~ff'I'f:>'O'f''a1'1' ~'T-e them nothing

b~'t1l\j~e 'Wft11out

fJxeJex~li1e

{elJ.~QJ1,~lJ.Q.Q.

~~t::(~(~( Q.t::tiJ.~~~ t~

would get done.

explain your choice.
(A) Interaction with my fellow students is important to me so I would prefer to study in a more traditional setting. (B) Computers and television are two examples of technology that will change a lot in the future. (C) The advantages of studying what you want, when you want, and where you want do not, for me, outweigh the disadvantages technology for home education. of using

(B) Deciding to leave home to attend school in the US has been so far the most important decision I've made. (C) Although my parents wanted me to study medicine, I knew that I should follow my heart and get a degree in nuclear physics.

2. Someone who was considered an educated
person in the past (for example, in your parents' or grandparents' generation) would not be considered an educated person today. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
(A) If you define education as earning degrees, than I would have to agree that today people are more educated than they were in the past. (B) It was more difficult to get an education in

5. In general, people are living longer now.
How will this change affect society? Use specific details and examples to develop your essay.
(A) People are living longer now because of improvements in medical care. (B) As the majority of our population becomes older, our communities will have to shift their focus from providing services to the young, like schools, to services to aging adults, like medical care. (C) Society has been around a long time and it is always changing.

the past since there weren't as many schools. (C) Both my grandfather attended and my grandmother

university which is where they met.

3. Many people visit museums when they
travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
(A) New museums are opening city in the world. in almost every

(B) Museums hold the historic and artistic record of a region, so visiting museums is the best way to understand a new place. (C) Travelers want to see in person famous works of art that they have only seen in books so they head to museums when in new cities.

P LAN

N I N G THE

E S SAY

47

Free Practice Do any or all of the following activities on your own or in a group. There are no answers provided.

1. Write your own thesis statement for the five
topics above.

2. Look at the Model Essays in the Appendix.
Note whether each topic is Agreeing or

Disagreeing (AD), Stating a Preference (PR), Giving an Explanation (EX),or Making an Argument (MA).

3. Write essays on the above topics.

ORGANIZING THE ESSAY
STEP 4: MAKE NOTES ABOUT YOUR GENERAL IDEA
To write a good essay,you must organize your thoughts before you write. First, of course, you must have some thoughts. You must have an opinion about a subject. Your opinion about a subject is the thesis of your essay. Concept maps will help you organize the topic. Use a concept map to make notes. There are many different types of concept maps. We will discuss five in this chapter. Some of them are more appropriate for certain topics. Some are appropriate for all topics. Use the one that works best for you.
Concept Map
Web Fish bone Venn Diagram Matrix NPR

o

Topic
All topics All topics Stating a preference All topics Making an argument

STEP 5: EXPAND YOUR NOTES TO INCLUDE SPECIFIC DETAILS
Regardless of its shape, each concept map has three components: the thesis statement, some general ideas, and some supporting details. As a rule, you should try to have three general ideas per essay and at least two supporting details per general idea. This will vary according to your topic and the way you choose to organize your topic.

48

HOW

TOP

R E PAR

E FOR

THE

TOE

FL

E S SAY

Web

The web concept map is like a spider web. Many ideas are linked by a common thread.
1. Read the to,pic.
(Topic 159) The twentieth century saw great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about the twentieth century? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. Explanation Medical advances are the most important change.

2. Identify the task. 3. Write a thesis.

4. Add general ideas.

s. Add

supporting details.

Improved surgical tecbniques make it easier to treat many medical problems. It is easier for the doctor to pelform tbem. many people lived far from hospitals or clinics. They are improvements tbat are imponant to elJe1yone. In tbe past. health centers were built People are sick less because it's easier to get treatment Improvements in surgical techniques Microscopic and laser surgery are easier to perform Patients recover faster . Increased access to bealth care bas also improved tbe lives of millions of people. More people have tbe opponunity to visit a doctor or nurse before tbey become very sick. clinics. Essay Organization Theme: Point 1: Examples: Point Medical advances are the most important change of the twentieth century. Fifty years ago. patients can return to tbeir normal life more quickly now tban tbey could in tbe past. Advances in medical science bave improved tbe lives of people all around tbe world. during tbe twentietb century. Vaccines and antibiotics bave saved tbe lives of many people. and bealtb centers bave been built in many pa11s of tbe world.Now penicillin and otber antibiotics make it easy to cure infections. and easier for tbe patient to recover. Microscopic and laser surgery techniques are more efficient tban older metbods. In tbe past. They can be treated more easily. clinics. and saved. Medical Advances: An Important Change of the Twentieth Century There were many imp011ant cbanges. They are sick less and tbis leads to a better quality of life. tbe most important of tbese is tbe advances tbat were made in medical science. Surge1Y. botb tecbnological and cultural. and improvements in surgical tecbniques are all things tbat improved. many people became crippled or died from polio.P LAN N I N G THE E S SAY 49 Essay Topic 159 Compare the web concept map with this essay. The development of vaccines and antibiotics. the lives of people all around tbe world. Eve1ybody needs good bealtb in order to bave a good quality of life.. In my opinion. Development of vaccines and antibiotics Polio vaccine saves lives Penicillin and other antibiotics save lives Increased access to health care Hospitals. Now bospitals. Now tbe polio vaccine is available eve1ywbere. increased access to health care. people could die from even simple injections. 2: Examples: Point 3: Examples: .

The supporting reasons and specific exampIes point to the main idea. 4. Jf~. ~ rhv t1Jtt. . Think of the most important class you have ever taken. . 2. / ~a. Why did you enjoy this class so much? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer. Add general ideas.II 50 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Fish bone The fish bone concept map looks like a fish skeleton. amd- iNWM ~. iNwM amd- ~. and it was inspiring. 1. ~ rhv t1Jtt. Write a thesis.. Identify the task. 5. /~a.. Add supporting details. Read the topic. Jf~. Explanation I learned a lot in Art History. 3.

literature. In old paintings.I I P LAN N I N G tHE E S SAY 51 Essay Compare the fish bone concept map with this essay. so it was a wonderful opportunity for me. but also about history. Venn Diagram The Venn Diagr"am is most appropriate for comparing and contrasting two issues. I saw how cities were planned. I am very glad that I took this class. I learned many things in this class. Essay Organization Theme: I learned a lot in Art History. Art History. I had a teacher who inspired me. religion. but about other areas as well. I have to say that Introduction to Art History is the most important classI have ever taken. and it was inspiring. it was important to my career as an engineer. Art history should be a required coursefor everyone because it teaches you about so many things. and she was able to make her students enthusiastic about it too. religion. Where they overlap in the center represents where they are simi1ar. and mythology Point 1: Examples: Point 2: Examples: I had a very good teacher. Studying art hist01Ytaught me some things about the history of engineering. And.Usually. She was enthusiastic about art. Of course. and I was lucky to have a very good teacher in this class. the most important part of any class is the teacher. These are subjects I didn't learn about in my engineering classes. believe it or not. about engineering. In this class I had the oppol1unity to learn new things. and about other things I hadn't imagined. Both the subject and the teacher inspired me to expand my mind. literature. I saw how buildings and bridges were built in the past. I learned about art. She was very experienced and well known in herfield. I realized that I could learn about my own field in different ways. The circles represent the qualities of each issue. Art History Even though I am an engineel. The topics are not as fully developed. and mythology. I learned a lot of things in my art history class. She inspired me to learn more. I learned how cities were planned in the past. the center contains the general ideas and the outside sections contain the specific differences. A Venn Diagram is often not as complete as a web. I learned how bridges and buildings were built in the past. not only about art. Experienced and well known Enthusiastic Inspiring Point 3: Examples: It was important to my career as an engineer. /- . I learned not only about art.

In other schools. Wherever children spend their time.52 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 1. orplaying with other children. In some schools. Which view do you agree with? Why? Stating a preference Children can learn at school and at play. Essay Topic 112 Compare the Venn Diagram with this essay. Read the topic. It doesn't matter when or where they do these things. Write a thesis. children must sit quietly all day and memorize dates and facts. they should be active pal1icipants. Some children prefer to watch TV or video games. not passive observers. Not all children are the same. Identify the task. (Topic 112) Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Not all schools are the same. Add general ideas. Educating Children Should a child spend more time on school studies or more time on play? The answer to this question depends on the quality of the school and the quality of the play. . Compare these two views. Socialize and competition 2. 4. T7Jey learn when their minds and their bodies are active. but all children have the same requirements for learning. and to experience things. 5. Children can learn a lotfrom formal education and they can learn a lot from play. Parents need to make sure that the time their children spend in school is quality time. Other children enjoy games that involve physical activity. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Add supporting details. It only matters that they do them . Then they can feel assured that their children are getting the experiences they need to learn and grow.. They learn when they socialize with other children. children are encouraged topa11icipate in different kinds of activities. They can do these things during school time or during play time. They need to make sure that the time their children spend at play is also quality time. They are encouraged to ask questions. 3. to interact with other children. Not all children play the same way. using their imagination.

Add general ideas. Matrix -=-he matrix is useful for categorizing and classifying qualities. Add supporting details. Read the topic. Watch TV or play video games Participate in physical activities Interact with other children Use the imagination Point 3: Examples: All children have the same requirements Mentally active Physically active Socialize with other children for learning. Write a thesis. 4. Agreeing or disagreeing Clothes make people behave differently because of other people's reactions. It can be used for all topics. 3. 2. 5. - - .P LAN N I N G THE E S SAY 53 Point 2: Examples: Children can be either passive or active at play. (Topic 119) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific examples to support your answer. Identify the task. 1.

change your behavior. This reaction can. Essay Organization I~ . if it is inappropriate for a situation. You might have a good reason for this mistake.es dress dress Examples: Inappropriate reactions. friends can also react to you becaUse of your clothes. but because people's reactions to them have changed. The reason is not because they have changed. Once I was wearing an old army coat."A~'(~$Wi@Rm~~%%i@. With friends clothes are less imp011ant because friends know more about you. A friend may be influenced by your dress also. Because of the woman's negative reaction to me. Everyone is wearing formal clothes and you are wearing casual clothes.'©~MWUtflit2@'tif~@k~\~'&>_1&1$C&ill1m%WWW1%f:MlliM R1 Point 1: Strangers react to your clothes. The woman saw my coat and was very suspicious of me. II ~1 '0' Ii II 11 Point 3: Appearance is important at work.~ ~! I I I R MWL0fl&till\fI?4Wjfu%'W:ITfu~~~'Th. clients and co-workers take you less seriously. too. If you are not dressed appropriately for your job. good reactions from people. You will probably feel uncomfortable all evening because you disappointed your friend and because you are dressed differently from everyone else. and you will feel this way. You Aren't What You Wear People behave differently depending on what they are wearing.S4 HOW'TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Essay Topic 119 Compare the matrix with this essay. The woman reacted to my clothes and that made me behave differently. but your friend will still be disappointed. in turn. If you are dressed inappropriately for a situation. For example.'4M~'t~&. " . On the other hand. but they can make you behave differently. However. people will react to you in a different way. You might begin to take yourself less seriously also. Example: Experience of people an old coat in a because Point 2: Friends sometimes react party Example: Casual clothes at a formal to your clothes. If you want .%t~j£iili. and your work could suffer. make sure to dress appropriatefv for every situation. Imagine you arrive at a friend's party.. Clothes don't change you into a different person. business clothes are appropriate for some jobs. I acted more politely than usual. appearance is almost always important at work. In addition. I went into a fancy candy shop to buy some chocolates. Theme: Appropriate make wearing behave differently fancy store of other people's Cloth. Strangers react to your appearance because it is all they know about you. uniforms are appropriate for others. Strangers can only judge you by the clothes you wear. Certain clothes are appropriate for certain jobs. people will have confidence that you are the right person for the job. if you are wearing the right clothes.

but students five years from now won't. New equipment can help motivate them. (Topic 147) Your school has received a gift of money. NPR stands for Now (topic the way things are now). g~ ufU . New equipment is needed. the students willfeel better and want to work hard. Identify P LAN N I N G THE E S SAY 55 :.. ff members of the community visit the school and see neW classroom equipment. Ou . Read the topic. but I think the best way to spend a gift of money is on new classroom equipment. }t .. . students will benefit for many years to come. We could spend it on supplies likepaper and pencils or on books. 2. It is hard for the community tofeel proud of a school that looks old and broken.I>R is like a matrix and is also useful for categorizing and classifying qualities. It is most appro:.- ~* ~~ Essay Top. Our school is old. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice . and we can improve it more.. ff we buy new equipment. on the other hand. Every school is better when community members become involved. "Thisschool has improved. They might say. They will be motivated to study harder and do the bestjob they can. broken blackboards. but they don't last. All these things are important for education. We could spend the gift money on educational tripsfor the students. Add general ideas. It is hard for them to use old. Add supporting details.~ate for making an argument. New equipment will last a long time. They willfeel like the teachers care about them.dlat we propose to change). lasts many years. so we willfeel the benefit of the gift for many years. We don't have enough desks and chairsfor all the students and our classroomfurniture is out of repair. It is hard for students to study when there aren't enough chairs in the classroom. It is hard when there aren't good bookshelves and cabinets to organize the classroom supplies. " They might be motivated to contribute money and volunteer time tofurther improve the school.PR :. Proposed . Making an argument the task.'. and Reason (why we make this proposition). 3. With new equipment students willfeel like school is a nice place to be. they might feel better about the school. ff we spend the money on equipment. Write a thesis. Classroom equipment. The community will take pride in our school.}t~ 4. Students this year will benefit. oU~ s. Our school has many needs.c 147 Compare the NPR concept map with this essay.

W. Complete the missing parts of the map.%f!tlli:m. Essay Organization I I ~I i I Fi ~f11%iffi7'. Point 1: New will motivate study • time equipment equipment is students tocomfortable a ~ New equipment makes students \ feel school harder.Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendations. I think this is one of the best ways we can spend a gift of money to our school. a regional park. Evelyone will benefit from new equipment now and in thefuture as well. from field broken equipment many years ~ Point 2: Theyschool. Read the topic.jmh%twMllillil !t • Examples: Old school can benefit itthe provide'tripslasting to Theyschool. 3..tillM\jmilltlli:glg%1tM%'Wfl@jM7.JtI9W 4.g@ITW_~~~~~ftU~Wfiftmm.Et'EW..'1Thtt:llit{t1%L@tWil&t. for and of amoney to II ol?. Therefore. What improvements would you make?.56 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY New classroom equipment will motivate both students and community members to improve their panicipation in school. best Point 3: Classroom a Examples: The equipment contribute willananthe study and supplies for gift only short . equipment ' byhardclassroom way tobenefit. important .t\tE%~1m\mtW%4f~Wl%l%fgw£t1m%t. Making an argument Improve the city park to encourage community members to use it. to want to Improved New equipment will motivate community school members to be involved in . 1.Ith4@~_~m.1) wudk ~ . Identify the task.3) _ 1JuaIlf 5. 2. Jt . or a national park. {{ -{{~ GlOhnhYIlAMit/lAJ ~v'vvvo (5. ~ (5.~~m1lftlNiiRfill. Add supporting details. Read the essay. II Theme: our are embarras~ed New classroom makes spend Mm]i.. This might be a city park.f§~m.JK~SW_illK$. the \ '@ I ~i I I I~ I I Practice 3 Look at the concept map.1iililigd&TamEfiillr£10ill4HiillfK#tJ'ttflWHWllil%t)@rm. You have been asked to suggest improvements to a park that you have visited.~%fJ:®Wf@WAWiM§4§SWt8tmtw. Write a thesis. Add general ideas.

W'here flowers bloomed every season. W'here their parents gossiped and watched their children play. Swings and sandboxes Picnic tables Snack bar Community volunteers can make the park beautiful. Essay Organization Theme: Point 1: Example: Point 2: Examples: Improving the park will encourage community can clean up the park. Picnic tables and benches for families. The improvements I would propose are simple and relatively inexpensive. . there is now broken glass. Cut grass Pull weeds Point 3: Examples: . we need to make the park beautiful again. members to use it. there are now decayed benches. Our volunteer groups can bring their trowels and their hoes. W'here children used to play. Plant flowers . Third. Perhaps we can encourage food vendors to open a snack bar. Volunteer groups can bring rakes and brooms and pick up the trash that litters the playgrounds and the grass. Second we have to add things that will make the park a place to come to. Swings and sandboxes for the children. They can plant flowers and trim shrubs. there are now just weeds. W'hen more people return to use the park. we have to clean up the park. fun. People are returning to live in the city. First. I want to bring this park back to life and encourage people to return to the city again to enjoy it.PLANNING THE ESSAY 57 Essay ::::ompare the NPR with this essay. We need the park to give us a sense of community. Community volunteers Pick up the trash New equipment will make it nicer to use the park. City Park for the City Forty years ago people lift the city and moved to the suburbs.. They can cut the grass and pull the weeds. and r~laxing. They left behind what was once a green oasis in the center of the city. We need to provide them a place that is safe. the city can take over these chores. City Park.

Their lives are happier if I don't upset their schedules . . In addition. read them stories. 3.IN t1dV~* ~ .5~ ~ /vnMIJ {{~ 5. My circumstances have changed since I was young. Read the topic.58 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Practice 4 Look at the concept map. I enjoyed change. (5. Bp . I enjoy following a routine.and they do not change their usual habits. Add general ideas.3) _ ~ 9p.Others like their lives to stay the same. 2. go away with friends at a moment's notice. too much. ~ 7 hc«te. Read the essay. It makes my life easier becaUseI am the mother of two small children. I would travel. Compare these two approaches to life. My preference is to establish a routine and follow it. My Rou. meet new and interesting people. Complete the missing parts of the map. Identify the task. but everyone in thefamily is happier when we follow our routine. ourfriends know when we are free.tine It is true that some people prefer things to stay the same while otherSprefer change.: &athf" ~ ~. (Topic 118) Some people enjoy change. For example. Statinga preference Your routine is determined by your circumstances.Which approach do you prefer? Explain why. we give the children a bath every night at 8:00. and they look forward to new experiences.m. and put them to bed by 9:00. It is not always convenient to do this.: ~~ . Add supporting details. and make decisions from day to day. " These days.~ Essay Topic 118 Compare the matrix with this essay. Write a thesis. 1. which makes visiting easier. When I was younger. During school vacations I was free from responsibility. and learn a lot about life.4) __ ~Vrv pajtttmM (5. }t~ 4. put them in their pajamas. In this way. I could have lots of new experiences. although this has not always been true of me.m .

• 3ead the topic. size. . what do you consider most important: location. style. 3•..Write a thesis. . Giving an explanation :':dentify the task. I think thepeople you spend your time with often dictate your lifestyle. atliked When with has changed change. Read the essay. The most important thing for me is location . types of rooms. When choosing a place to live. my family's needs force me to have a routine. Essay Organization Theme: Examples: Point 2: 1: TravelI preferfriends routine with my circumstances. • Add general ideas. Now. Nowroutine need I moment's notice I was routine.P LAN N I N G THE E5 5 AY 59 In conclusion. Complete the missing parts of the maps . number of rooms.. my preferences have changed with the circumstances of my life. or other features? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. The stability of a household routine is betterfor me now. My children young.!.dd supporting ~~tails. Learn new to life friends about see It is easier people Meet Have experiences -- =-ractice 5 _-~:.kat the concept map. . even though I preferred the excitement and adventure of change when I was young.

apa/1ment must be conveniently located. I don't have a Cal. If I can find an affordable place to live in a convenient and pleasant location. too. Near work Near stores The location must be pleasant. A{y I want to live in a pleasant neighborhood. a convenient and pleasant neighborhood that has rents I can afford topay. then I will have everything I need. size. so I want to live near stores. I look at several things. Expensive neighborhoods Inexpensive neighborhoods Point 3: Examples: . but if the rents are too high.60 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Essay Compare the web concept map with this essay. Most of all. I don't care if my apartment is small or if the building is old and in need of repair. I won't be disappointed. I have to 100kJor my apal1ment in neighborhoods that aren't too expensive. I look for a house in. Some neighborhoods are more expensive than others. the most important thing of all is location. Quiet Nature Friendly neighbors The location must be affordable. gardens. If I only look in areas of the ci~ythat have affordable rents. I like quiet areas with little traffic.so I want to live near my job. Howevel. I want to be able to walk or take the bus to work. so I prifer a neighborhood with a lot of trees. I like to have nature around me. and type of housing. Essay Organization Theme: Point 1: Examples: Point 2: Examples: The most important thing for me is location. The size of my apa/1ment or the sryle of the building aren't important to me. Some neighborhoods are very beautiful. The location must be convenient. I want to have friendly neighbors. House Hunting When choosing a place to live. I need to consider price. I can't afford to live there. I don't have a lot of time for shopping. and maybe even a park.

I . Add general ideas.- P LAN N I N G THE E5 5 AY 61 Practice 6 Look at the concept map. 4. Giving an explanation The three most common reasons are to prepare for a career. it is theirfirst time away from home. 2. Write a thesis. Identify the task. Careerpreparation isprobably theprimary reason that people attend college. Complete the missing parts of the maps. increased knowledge). 3. Add supporting details. At college... These days. For many. 5. they can meet new people from many different places. career preparation. believe that the three most common reasons are toprepare for a career. Read the essay.. They can see what life is like in a different city. 1. At college. and to increase their knowledge of themselves and of the world around them. Read the topic. thejob market is velY competitive.students can learn new skillsfor these careers and increase their opportunitiesfor thefuture. (Topic 1) People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example. Three Reasons People Attend CoUege People attend collegefor a lot of different reasons.2 Essay Topic 1 Compare the fish bone with this essay. They can learn to live on their own and take care of themselves without having theirfamily always nearby. Students also go to college to have new experiences. Careers such as information technology will need many new workers in the near future. to have new experiences. and to increase their knowledge of themselves and the world around them. Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 5. to have new experiences. new experiences.

Read the topic. pursue their studies. Which view do you agree with? Explain why. ii Point 2: People Point 1: "_mwif. Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students.m Make independentPrepare for skills the job market About other ••• Theme: subjects new a career Bedecisions competitive in Examples: Learn attend colleges and universities for several reasons. Read the essay..firrtt. Colleges offer much more than career preparation. students have the opportunity to increase their knowledge. Stating a preference Higher education should be available to all students. Complete the missing parts of the map. college students also have the chance to take classes in other areas.-62 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY At college. They offer the opportunity to have new experiences and to learn many kinds of things. They also. Identify the task. ~ t.. this will be their last chance to study different subjects. Discuss these views. Write a thesis. Add supporting details . Add general ideas. I think all of these are reasons why people attend college . For many. they learn a lot about themselves. 2. 3. Look at the concept map. have the opportunity to learn about many subjects in their classes. . and interact with their classmates. of course. In addition to the skills and knowledge related to their career. f' I r J Practice 7 . 4. 1.m1lW ___ . Essay Organization Examples: Point 3: II I Aboutdifferent kinds self Meetm#w knowledge of people __ rub_m=_W ____ Have new Increase experiences __ a ____ . (Topic 107) Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students. 5. As they decide what they want to study.

I don't agree with this position. Some people think higher education good students. Essay Organization Theme: Point 1: Examples: Point 2: Examples: Higher education should be available to all students. A student who didn't like school as a teenager may start to like it as a young adult. having the opportunity to make independent decisions ispart of a good education.If a better student will learn more. Another important goal is to learn about yourself. Also. In college they will have the opportunity to learn independence and to make adult decisions about theirfuture. Money Time ' should be available only to Higher education is good for all students. Every student who wants to should be given the chance to go to a college or university. Higher education is very expensive. I can understand why some people think that a college or university education should be available only to good students. Or a student may decide. A student may try collegefor a while and then decide that trade school is a betterplace for him or her. Academics are not the only pU1poseof a university education. why not send only the better student to college?Higher education is also a big investment of time. but I think every student deserves the opportunity to try it. This is a basic part of education and an experience every student should have. you have to learn to be independent and make decisions about your future. When you are separated from your parenis. by getting a job or going to trade school. "Iwill work hard now because I want a good future. but I don't. People change Opportunity to make decisions . It is true that it is expensive and takes a lot of time. "At a college or university students have the opportunity to make changes and decisions for themselves. I think higher education should be available to all students. Higher Education' open to AUStudents or Not? Some people believe that only the best students should go to a college or university. People change. It might seem like a waste of money to send a mediocre student to college.PLANNING THE ESSAY 63 Essay Topic 80 Compare the Venn Diagram with this essay. Maybe a mediocre student could spend his or her time in a better way. I believe every student should have the opportunity to have this kind of experience.

First. Complete the missing parts of the map. "It'snot whether you win or lose. (Topic 136) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing a game is fun only when you win. Playing to Have Fun 1 agree with the old saying. After the game. The game is just an excuse for us to get together. 3. We also talk about other things at the same time. 1. 5. Read the topic. Write a thesis. 2. We often don't even talk about tennis. and work with others as a team. Add general ideas.3 _ t<9' ~ Puutet Essay Topic 136 Compare the web concept map with this essay. learn new things. We have another opportunity to talk while we are waitingfor the tennis court to befree. > . 4. 5. it's how you play the game. Identify the task. Read the essay. !J 1 have fun playing all games because they give me time to be with my friends. learn new things. Giving an explanation I have fun playing all games because it gives me time to be with friends. Tennis is one game that 1 enjoy. It's a great opportunity to socialize.64 HOW TOP R E PAR E FOR THE TOE FL E S SAY Practice 8 Look at the concept map. we almost always go out for coffee and talk some more. and work as a team. I have to talk to my partner in order to arrange a time toplaya game. Add supporting details. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Compare your essays with those essays in the Model Essay section. Often we don't even keep score when we play the game. Create a concept map for each. SocializefTennis Arranging a time to play Waiting for the court Going out after game Build skills/Scrabble Form words Learn new words from friends Team/soccer Travel with friends Playas a team Point 1: Examples: Point 2: Examples: Point 3: Examples: Free Practice Identify the tasksfor thefollowing topics. write an essay using the concept map asyour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Playing games gives me the opportunity to do things that I enjoy and be with people that llike. learn new things.It's also important to have fun. Winning is secondary.PLANNING THE ESSAY 6S The board game Scrabbleprovides a good opportunity to build my language skills. and work as a team. I like traveling with the group when we go to other schools toplay games. It's a challenge to try toform words from the letters that are in front of me. The game of soccer gives me the chance to be on a team. You can't win every time. Wejust enjoy being together and improving our English. (Topic 11) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries. 1. Essay Organization Theme: Playing games is fun because I can socialize. I like learning how toplayas a team. I always learn new words from my opponents. Task: Thesis statement: Concept Map: _ _ . I play games because they are fun. On a separate sheet of paper. too. but you can always have fun. Our coach tells us that the most important thing is toplay well together.

(Topic 9) Some people prefer to live in a small town. (Topic 149) Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. Task: Thesis statement Concept Map: _ _ 4.66 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 2.__ 3. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. Task: Thesis statement Concept Map: _ _ - . (Topic 7) How do movies or television influence people's behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. Task: Thesis statement Concept Map: _ --'. Others prefer to live in a big city. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer.

Task: Thesis statement Concept Map: _ _ . Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.P LAN N I N G THE E 55 A Y 67 5. . (Topic 124) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. . (Topic 154) In some countries. Task: Thesis statement Concept Map: _ _ 6. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings.i.

Divide your time like this.25:00 25:00 . Plan.68 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY o SELF-TEST ESSAY #2 Write on the same topic as Self-test Essay # 1.00:00 20 5 minutes Topic Number: _ PLAN Concept Map Thesis Statement General Ideas Supporting Details . write. Do NOT write in the shaded areas.05:00 05:00 . Use the space provided. PLAN WRITE REVISE 5 minutes minutes 30:00 . and revise an essay on that topic within 30 minutes.

I . Is there a conclusion? " Are there CLARITY CONTENT misplaced SPELLING or dangling modifiers? PUNCTUATION AND words? Are there transition modifiers Is there thethesis begindetails capital as periods at the end a supporting indented? such Areall sentences sentenceparagraphs paragraph?statement? of each sentence? Do there topic statementfor orintroduction? all sentences spelled correctly? cohesive? words punctuation with sentence fragments? run-on parallel? the structures sentences or for each topic paragraphs and markseach letters? I . Use this checklist as a guide.P LAN N I N G THE E5 5 AY 71 REVISE Proofing Checklist Reread your essay./ .I ~'" ~1 % .

3 Writing the Essay DEVELOPING THE TOPIC STEP 6: WRITE THE TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EACH PARAGRAPH STEP 7:WRITETHE GUIDING INTRODUCTION 74 77 82 74 THE READER DEMONSTRATING FACILITY WITH ENGLISH STEP 8: WRITE THE BODY PARAGRAPHS CONCLUDING THE TOPIC STEP 9: WRITE THE CONCLUSION 85 85 111 111 SELF-TEST ESSAY #3 117 .

to support Give specific details to support your position . If you write a sentence for each of the general ideas in your concept map. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your opinion. You will be more alert in class. once they know what they have said. rL. 74 . You don't have that time. A topic sentence can introduce the paragraph. the introduction usually has nothing to do with the essay. A thesis statement tells the reader what the essay will be about.9TIWM_illM\tillffi@mWlliglmj!@Efllil%U. your writing will be more coherent. Topic sentence: Supporting details: Physical training is good for you. The brain needs oxygen to function.@j@lgmr$MJ to develop your essay.f@f&in1!lli@fg1iWfJillmwl]%DWN@lDWW=~1lli. they go back and write the introduction. you will have three to five topic sentences. .'@1fu'illtl@@~\Wb~WkW&@Mwtmrwt*%lmfdm:"£Attmmr%&WW4TiThlWNtM4Willfm@. the middle. ~rtY41M&ri11®W0W@t.J%W4f. If you think about the topic sentences that you want for each paragraph.. I I i I \¥ All paragraphs contain a topic sentence supported by specific details. Physical activity improves blood circulation. A topic sentence can be at the beginning. You must provide specific reasons to support the ideas in your essay. ~ KEY PHRASES ~ Use speCific reasons and examples i~ Use specific reasons and examples . A topic sentence tells the reader what a paragraph will be about. These topic sentences will be used in the body of your essay and will be summarized in the introduction and conclusion. These phrases will often appear in the TOEFL Essay topic. A topic sentence is usually a generalization.~~-.m_~'.•your answer.wM0mW:~~_$%'1&~4M%fi&®JiliW$mfu®1®mF#fJMtgMi%t~t?ml'@'jt01"%lwKw~m~Wlliwu~_:&t'Mt]Wf~"%:4t@:. or the end of a paragraph . or it can summarize what has been said in the paragraph. You must plan in advance. we learned about a thesis statement. When people start writing an essay without planning what they will say. I i I .. Learning to write a good topic sentence is important. Some people write the body of an essay first.o DEVELOPING THE TOPIC STEP 6: WRITE THE TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EACH PARAGRAPH In the chapter on Planning the Essay. and you will be able to write more quickly.. Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

its' seven athletic and debating teams. The elderly. its academic achievements. You will need to support your opinion . She or he should tell them about the history of the school. band room. who often feel lonely as they get older. The nearest movie theater is two miles away. Children who have dogs have the opportunity to learn responsibility while caring for them. take students on tour of school tell about history of school talk to them about what's expected In the above paragraph the topic sentence is about the school administrator's job to give an orientation to new students.W R I TIN G THE E5 5 A Y 75 ~e generalization is likely to be your opinion on the topic. Topic sentence: Supporting details: A school administrator should give new students a complete orientation to their school. Topicsentence: Supporting details: I support the plan to build a new movie theater in my neighborhood. Specific details give substance to your essay. The orientation includes a tour of the school. They make it interesting and pertinent. Restaurants will be built up around the theater. in turn. and a discussion of what is expected of students. Example from Topic 172 A school administrator should give new students a complete orientation to their schooL She or he should take them on a tour of the school. gym. showing them the classrooms. can have important relationships with pets. are able to feel needed because they are caring for a dog that needs them. its history.ith details. children as well as senior citizens. The administrator can talk to the students about what's expected of them in the classroom and what rules the school has. . Topic sentence: Supporting details: Everyone. need them. teaches children responsibility elderly take care of dogs who. can have important relationships with pets. and cafeteria. computer lab. children as well as senior citizens. Example from Topic 182 Everyone. Look at these examples.

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Example from Topic 121

One should spend time getting to know people before judging them. I know that 1, do not always make the best first impression, even when I truly like the people I am with. We all

have bad days, and I wouldn't want to lose a job or a new friend simply because I picked out the wrong clothing or said the wrong thing.

porting

details:

I don't always maketime best firsttoimpression. One should spend the getting know people before Topic sentence: wrong. judging them. pick bad days. We all have out the wrong clothing or say something

Practice 1
Read the following paragraphs. v\thte the topic sentence and the supporting details for each paragraph.

lliu may have more or fewer than three supporting details.
1. Paragraph from Topic 148 Playing games also teaches us how to deal with other people. We learn about teamwork, if the game involves being on a team. We learn how to divide and assign tasks according to each person's skills. We learn how to get people to do what we want, and we learn that sometimes we have to do what other people want.

1.1 1.2 1.3

Topic sentence: details:
1.4 1.5

orting

2. Paragraph from Topic 13 Cooking takes a lot of time. While the food might not actually be on the stove for very long, you also have to consider the time that is spent shopping for the food, cleaning and chopping it, and cleaning up the kitchen after it is cooked .

2.2 2.1

.Topic sentence: details:
2.4 2.3

porting

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THE

ESSAY

77

3. Paragraph from Topic 7 Watching movies and television can be good for us. One thing they do is help us understand the world more. For example, seeing movies can expose us to people of different races and cultures that we don't see often. We can then overcome some prejudices more easily. Recently there have been more handicapped people in films, and this also helps prevent prejudice.
3.2 3.1

Topic sentence: details:
3.3 3.4

ting

4. Paragraph from Topic 29 Our planet gives us everything we need, but natural resources are not endless. Strip mining destroys whole regions, leaving bare and useless ground. Deforestation removes old growth trees that can't be replaced. Too much fishing may harm fish populations to the point where they can't recover.
4.2 4.1

Topic sentence: details:
4.4 4.3

ting

5. Paragraph from Topic 4 The most important lessons can't be taught; they have to be experienced. No one can teach us how to get along with others or how to have self-respect. As we pass from childhood into adolescence, no one can teach us the judgement we need to decide on how to deal with peer pressure. As we leave adolescence behind and enter adult life, no one can teach us how to fall in love and get married, or how to raise our children.
5.2 5.1

Topic sentence: details:
5.4 5.3

ing

STEP 7: WRITE THE INTRODUCTION
You need two things to write a good introduction. You need to have an opinion on the topic and you need to have topic sentences for each of the paragraphs. Your opinion will tell the reader what you think about the subject; the summary of the topic sentences will guide your reader through your essay.

~

-..

--

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Stating Your Opinion

The introduction

to your essay should tell the reader what your opinion is on the topic. The

TOEFL Essay is a personal essay.Your ideas on a topic are important. The readers are interested in what you have to say.There is, however, no right or wrong opinion. The readers look to see how you express your opinion whatever it is. You can express your opinion by using set phrases or by varying the verbs, adjectives, and adverbs you use. On the TOEFL Essay,you must show semantic and syntactic variety in your language to score high. This section will help you give your writing more variety.
Set Phrases KEY WORDS In my opinion
According to me To my way of thinking In my view Tome From my point of view It is my opinion that I believe I think It seems to me that It appears that To my mind

Examples

In my opinion, university students must attend classes. According to me, one must change with the times. To me, there is nothing more important than good health. It is my opinion that one learns by example. It seems to me that a good neighbor is one who respects your privacy. It appears that all the information one needs is available on computer.

Practice 2
Give your opinion about these topics. Use the phrases suggested.

1. People's lives (are/are not) easier today.
In my opinion ~

lW-ek aJte, ~

~.

2. Most people (prefer/do not prefer) to spend their leisure time outdoors.
It seems to me that

3. An apartment building (is/is n·ot) better than a house.
To my mind

I infer from their actions that most youth feel they have nothing to learn from older people. From my point of view You can use different verbs to show how strongly you feel about something. High schools (should/should I believe that not) allow students to study what they want. KEY WORDS Agree Believe Guess Hope Imagine Infer Realize Suppose Think Understand Examples I agree that studying science is more important th<l. 2. I understand why people like to work with their hands. 4. It is better to be a (leader/member) I guess that of a group. 1. I suppose that . Believe and think are the most common verbs used to express a personal opinion. I would rather have the university (assign/not assign) me a roommate. Use the verbs suggested.W R I TIN G THE E S SAY 79 Verbs 4. 3. People (should/should I agree that not) do things they do not enjoy doing. It (is/is not) good that English is becoming the world language. I hope that people remember the special gifts I gave them.nstudying literature. Practice 3 Give your opinion about these topics.

1. No doubt Almost Doubtless Certainly Definitely Probably Presumably Maybe KEY WORDS Seemingly Examples Seemingly. KEY WORDS Certain Positive Sure Examples I am certain that movies influence people's behavior. Children. helping a child to learn to read is important. Doubtless. Daily exercise definitely should be a part of every school day. Individual sports are possibly better than team sports fOf'Some students. These adverbials show how strongly you feel about something. I am positive that _ Adverbials You can use different adverbials to qualify your opinion. Practice 4 Give your opinion about these topics.80 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Adjectives You can use different adjectives to show how strongly you feel about something. I am sure that _ 2. .(should/should not) spend a great amount oftime practicing sports. . Use the adjectives suggested. I am convinced that having a pet can contribute to a child's development. playing games can teach us about life. A shopping center in my neighborhood (will/will not) be a benefit to our community.

(is/is not) different from that of our parents. 4. 3.W R I TIN G THE E S SAY 81 Practice 5 Give your opinion about these topics. People (are never/are sometimes) too old to attend college. On the whole. Growing up in the countryside (is/is not) better than growing up in the city. . 2. You can use different adverbials to make a general statement about how you feel about something. For the most part. it is better to learn from a teacher than on you~ own. A sense of humor can sometimes be (helpful/detrimental) Conceivably in a difficult situation. Use the adverbials suggested. it is better for students to wear uniforms to school. higher education should be available to all. As a rule. By and large. All things considered. 1. 1. Practice 6 Give your opinion about these topics. countries are more alike than different. KEY WORDS All in all All things considered Altogether As a rule Basically By and large Essentially For the most part Generally In general On the whole Overall Examples All in all. Our generation Certainly. The family (is/is not) the most important in~uence on young adults. Perhaps 3. A zoo (has/does not have) a useful purpose. In general. Use the adverbials suggested to make a general statement. Parents (are/are not) the best teachers. No doubt 2.

not because ofluck. To some extent. -"" For all intents and purposes. _ 3. 1. More or lessl ~ _ GUIDING THE READER The introduction to your essay should also tell the reader how you plan to develop your topic. Use the adverbials suggested to show an idea is not completely true. These adverbials show an idea is not completely true. people succeed because of hard work. You (can/cannot) learn as much by losing as winning. Practice 7 Give your opinion abdut these topics. Introduction Version A I believe that people attend college for many different reasons. In a waYl_~ _ 2. <- KEY WORDS Almost To somepoint and purposes extent For to aintents So to speak Up all " Examples Up to a point. It is better to make a wrong decision than to make no decision. or It is better to make no decision than to make a wrong decision.82 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY You can use different adverbials to qualify your opinion. Compare these introductions. in the The topic sentences that you developed from your concept maps can be summarized introduction. Tbese reasons are personal to them. to Topic 1 . television has destroyed communication among family members. Watching movies (is/is not) more enjoyable than reading.

to have new experiences. What are these reasons? We need to know the basic reasons so we can prepare ourselves to find supporting details in the body of the essay. and some like to eat in restaurants. Overall. I believe that the three most common reasons are toprepare for a career. Version B Some people like to eat out at food stands and restaurants. they don't look out for each other. Introduction to Topic 6 Version A I think there are changes necessary in my hometown. they don't look out for each other. Comment Version A starts with the writer's opinion but doesn't say what changes are necessary. and to increase their knowledge of themselves <}ndthe world around them. Version B If I could change one thing about my hometown I think it would be thefact that there's no sense of community here. and to increase their knowledge of themselves and the world around them. There has to be something different. Those with very busy jobs outside the house don't always have time to cook. People don'tfeel connected. Version B gives three specific reasons that the writer believes are the most important ones: to prepare for a career. They like the convenience of eating out. and they don't get to know their neighbors:. while others like to prepare food at home. Comment Version A starts with the writer's opinion. Introduction to Topic 13 Version A I believe that some people like to eat atfood stands. and they don't get to know their neighbors.WRITING THE ESSAY 83 Version B People attend collegesor universitiesfor a lot of different reasons. Often it depends on the kind of lifestylepeople have. to have new experiences. From this introduction I will expect to see a paragraph on each of these reasons. From this introduction. though. The writer says that "People don't feel connected. I think it is cheaper and healthier to eat at home. I will expect to see a paragraph on each of these reasons. There are different reasonsfor this. VersionB narrows in on the topic and talks about the sense of community. . We need some guidance. It is always the same. but it does not tell us much.

they do not have the same influence that your family has. Games teach us there is a cause-effect relationship. but our enjoyment never changes. Introduction to Topic 148 Almost everyone.w Paragraph focus: ff.£wp/ thf/ ~M ~1ttJ!/ Paragraph focus: ffA!Vrv /u9.84 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Comment In Version A. the writer does not share what these reasons are. teach us about teamwork. because it teaches us the skills we need in life.aJ1lrv Paragraph focus: ~ w. Practice 8 Read the following introductions and tell us what the writer believes and the focus of each paragraph. from little children to adults. In Version B. and teach us to follow rules. I believe that playing games is both fun and useful. Opinion: Paragraph focus: Paragraph focus: Paragraph focus: 3.. the writer tells us that the choice depends on a person's lifestyle.P~£l. I learned everything that is important. Introduction to Topic 114 Although friends make an impression on your life. and love. 1. costs. IOu may not have three paragraphs for all introductions. The types of games may change as we grow up. and health. ambition. From them. it helps us know what to expect from others. There are no general statements. I learned about trust. Opinion: I tJriJYLAAhi/ 1"fl9'tP/ fI1itKIfiA. The writer will probably give us more details about the reasons of convenience. Opinion: Paragraph focus: Paragraph focus: Paragraph focus: . loves games. Introduction to Topic 111 We all need to have friends. Friendship helps us learn how to trust others.IA& ~ ~ ~ ~M PIXfJRJ1ii/YVCRh 2.~ whaN w. and it helps us profit from experiences. I want to have a lot of friends around me so I can learn more about myself from different people. wpA. and I think the more friends we have the better. Nothing is as important to me as my family.

Look how these concept maps turned into paragraphs. you take your home with you. have new experiences. However. it's the time alone that forms you as a person. Of course.WRITING THE ESSAY 85 4. When you travel alone. I need time alone to get to know myself better.You simply turn the supporting details in your concept maps into sentences. you meet new people. Introduction to Topic 44 Traveling alone is the only way to travel. and learn more about yourself. Introduction to Topic' - '0 If I had to choose between spending time alone or spending time with my friends. I need time alone to reenergize my mind and spirit. I'd rather be alone. the rest is easy. you must make sure your sentences have semantic and syntactic variety. Opinion: Paragraph focus: Paragraph focus: Paragraph focus: ----' -'_ _ _ _ 5. I need time alone to pursue solitary activities such as reading and writing. If you take someone with you. Being with friends can be fun and can help you get through hard times. . DEMONSTRATING FACILITY WITH ENGLISH o STEP 8: WRITE THE BODY PARAGRAPHS Once you have stated your opinion and shown the reader how you plan to develop your essay. Opinion: Paragraph focus: Paragraph focus: Paragraph focus: _ _ _ _ .

or put less cheese on top of your pizza." . Meals at restaurants are often high in fat and calories. At a restaurant you might eat everything on a big plate of food "because you paid for it. they would be good models for the students. 1. Other schools are located in cities where that kind of space just isn't available. If the teachers were well-trained. You can serve yourself as little as you want. you can control your portion size. Paragraph 3 from Topic 13 Eating at home is better for you. The current teachers in the program don 't speak the language well enough. playing fields. Practice 9 Read the following paragraphs and complete the concept maps for the paragraphs. you have more control over the ingredients. At home. Many schools simply do not have the money to provide gym facilities. and athletic equipment for their students. You can use margarine instead of butter on your potatoes.ic 141 The foreign language program should be staffed with well-trained instructors.86 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Examples Paragraph 3 from Top. In our classes teachers frequently make errors that the students repeat. A few schools would rather keep money for academic purposes. and they serve big plates of food-much more food than you need to eat at one meal. If you cook food at home. Paragraph 2 from Topic 128 Another issue is economic.

W R I TIN G THE E S SAY 87 1. but also in multimedia.1 3. You can get information about events in the past as well as events that unfold as you watch your computer monit~r. They present opposing points of view. give the students additional information. Paragraph 5 from Topic 14 In class. . 3.2 3. They draw their students into discussion of the material.3 2. You can get audio and video data. 3. or show documentary films on the subject.3 J . Information comes not only in print form. The best teachers do more than just go over the material in the class textbook. Paragraph 2 from Topic 39 The internet and the world wide web have opened every major library and database to students around the world. students receive the benefit of a teacher's knowledge. They schedule guest speakers to come.2 1.

confer. Learning different ways to express similar ideas (synonyms) and different ways to help the reader move from one idea to the next will help you develop semantic variety. Synonyms provide coherence in your essay. Give specific reasons for your choice. debate. and they refused to let me continue the discussion. Topic 106 You need to travel from your home to a place 40 miles (64 kilometers) away. My explanation fell on de. I conferred with my sister who felt we could hash it over later when my parents were in a better mood. Look for these synonyms of discuss and discussion. hash over. you don't want to repeat the same verb or adverb. dispute. reason Noun: discussion discussion Synonyms Argument. discourse. examine. .Compare the different kinds of transportation you could use. Then read the essay. Practice 10 Read the following topic and study the concept map. conversation. Task: Stating a Preference Concept Map: Matrix Transportation Bike Car Public transportation Cost None Price of gas Cheap Time 4 hrs Fast Unknown Purpose Exercise Convenient Ecologically good . noun or adjective in every sentence. _ Verb: discuss discuss Synonyms Argue. Synonyms are important because they help you link dosely related words or ideas. I tried to persuade them that taking a year offfrom school and working would be valuable experience. Of course. explain.. Theyfelt I had not thoroughly examined the issue and saw no reason to debate the subject any longer. your essay must interest the reader. explanation Last month. Synonyms When you are writing on one topic. One way to do this is to vary your vocabulary.88 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Using Semantic Variety In order to be a good essay. I wanted to take a year offfrom school. It started as a simple conversation that turned into an argument. Read the paragraph below.af ears. I had a dispute with my parents. my parents argued that I should stay in school. elaborate. Tellwhich method you would choose. I tried to reason with them. You should try to use words that are similar in meaning. and that will carry the meaning of the sentence.

t> ~~r. For me. By sharing the resources.. -.n iM. '--::'/f~:"W~'-""~ :. which is a lot and I must also pay for parking the car when I get to my destination. we waste less.~ include the waiting time.M that I am spoiled. IV2~Wf11l. my parent's car. place 40 miles away. you cannot public trcrfj-§ROftdtiQn. t might take me all day to go by public transportation when I I ~. you should pick a car.:. I must~q#~Jf. The only cost is my manual labor to pedal from my home to ..WRITING THE ESSAY 89 Essay (Topic 106) When I choose a method of transportation to go 40 miles.~ ~. and why I need to go from point A to point B. Public transportation is another alternative that is inexpensive. . However.. I have three common my bike. I imagine it would take me all day.~.:.'":. Synonym List admit transit favor options driving purpose quickly . Where I live..". or public transportation. When I consider these points. A car is the most dependable way to go if I need to get there fLas~When convenience is ~~ 6 your g2f}].. They want me to pay for my own gas.. Biking is excellent exercise so if my only goal was to burn calories and strengthen my muscles. I should go by bike.."". The cost is minimal and is shared by everyone on the bus or train."". how long it will take. ~~eJfi' ~:-:. since I don't own a car and I must b01TOWone from my parents.J%<'a-_.. When I choose among them.??'nqt+~-~{}. ":jEk'i~ga private car is the most expensive..:m'1 " ~"". using public transportation is good for the earth. The highlighted words in the essay could be replaced with a word from this synonym list.-. I like to go and come when I want without waiting even if it costs me more. is extremely time consuming..jthe convenience of the car over the exercise of a bike and the virtues of public transportation. Write the synonym that matches the highlighted word....~ . however.~. I think about how much it will cost. . This method. My bike is a less ~eli!rtJe alternative.~ ~ Essay Organization Theme: Point 1: Examples: Choice of transportation Bike No cost Time consuming Good exercise Point 2: Examples: Public transportation Economical Unpredictable Ecologically good Point 3: Examples: Car Gas is expensive Dependable Convenient method depends on time and cost.~:") .j.. especially.

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Highlighted Words in Essay(Topic 106)
choices

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7 1 9 8 6 4 3 2 5

Practice 11 Read the following topic and study the concept map. Then read the essay. Topic 117 Some people choose friends who are different from themselves. Others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Compare the advantages of having friends who are different from you with the advantages of having friends who are similar to you. Which kind of friend do you prefer for yourself? Why?

Task:

Giving an Explanation

Concept Map: Stating a Preference

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Essay Topic 117

My Friends There are~@ ofaau-~a-n --tq-g~"""'~ to having friends who are different from you. They can introduce you to new food, books, and music. They can JifiJjiiiyou 1JJjlli a different way of looking at the world. However, there are times when you need a friend who really understands you. That is why I enjoy having all kinds offrien~ both those who are different from me and those who are similar. Someone who is different from you can show different ways of looking at things. If you ter{fi.to be a ~ntaneoUs person, a scheduled person can help you be
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moreo:~a,n!~ed. And you can help that person {QQ~f!tiup a bit at times, too. If):~u are ttflp~r{eflf,a patient friend can help you calm down. If you are a little bit tiiiiJij, an~f11i1!fjJriend can help you develop more self-confidence. Someone who has different tastesfrom you can introduce you to new things. Afriend might persuade you to read a book that you thought you wouldn't like. A friend might get you to try new kinds offood. You can share your different tastes and interests with your friend, too. Togetheryou can dare to fry new things. There are times, however, when you really need a friend who is similar toyou. Sometimes you get tired of~§..'ffljj!27fjJJl~~ what you want to do. You want to be . on with someone who has the same tastes as you. A friend who is similar toyou probably has the same 'ilE?1i?!JEi to situations as you do. Therefore, if you feel unhappy, a friend who is similar to you can understand just why you feel that way. Friends who are different from you have a lot to offer. Friends who are similar offer something else. That is why it is important to know all kinds of people.
Essay Organization
Examples: 2: Point 1: 3: New of compromising tooview and different friends. Spontaneous friends, Seegood to new bothofsimilar Need similar point Tiredabooks have scheduled Learn different vs. things about It's Theme: Timid kindssame reactions New the assertive Have vs. of food Impatient vs. patient
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The highlighted words in the essay could be replaced with a word from this synonym list. Write the synonym that matches the highlighted word.
Synonym List
are apt a response number trade off confident relax . shy restless of impulsive

- I

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Highlighted Words in Essay(Topic 117)
a lot of

-

5 10 11 6 9 8 7 4 2 1 3

Transition Words

Transitional words and phrases will help your reader follow your ideas from sentence to sentence and from paragraph to paragraph. Without transitional words and phrases, your ideas will stand alone, unrelated to the thesis of your essay. . In this section, you will learn to use transition words that show time; degree; comparison and contrast; and cause and effect. You will also learn transition words that let you add more information and transition words like pronouns that let you make connections to previously mentioned subjects.

-Time
before after since

When you are explaining the sequence of events, you may want to use these expressions ..
next during at the same time then always while often sometime meanwhile

Example

The school counselors should help students who are new to a school. Before the first day of school, they should give an orientation to the building. On the opening day, they should introduce the students to the teachers. After the students have gotten used to their classes, the

counselors should find out about the student's hobbies and recommend some extracurricular clubs. Sometime during the first month, the counselor should invite the parents to visit the school so they can meet the teachers and administrators.

a child needs to learn how to take care of something that is dependent on the child. you may want to use these expressions. A lesserreason. He also wanted the car for convenience. too. you may want to use these expressions. Comparison and Contrast When you are explaining how two or more things are similar or how they are different. We are both alike in that neither of us knows how to drive. most important less important basiCally fj rst second subordinate primarily secondary lesser essentially - principally chiefly Example One of the most important gifts we can give to a child is an animal. However. Above all. Otherwise. . But essentially. but an important one. is that a pet will return the child's love. alike from other time Example Although my friend chose to buy a car with his gift. I might have bought a car. a taxi is just as convenient and doesn't have to be serviced. an animal will help a child learn responsibility. but I think he should take the bus. I would have gone on vacation.W R I TIN G THE E S SAY 93 Degree When you are explaining why one thing is more or less important than another thing. To compare differ to similar from in justlikethe than in similarly contrast on otherwise thetosame way also atyet same than in however neither/nor buta either/or unlike less almost as manner as handas resemble different dothe evenstill whileinstead like. He said he needed the car to go to work.

-. For example. Some public . you may want to use these expressions. what' is the reason? Explanation If you are eXplaining what something is by giving an example or if you are restating something for emphasis. who want to take some night classes.- l .94 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Cause and Effect When you are explaining how something caused a change in something else. the number of young smokers has increased. there are many women who stayed at home to raise their families and now have time to returp to school. you may want to use these expressions. In other words. consequently young people start to smoke. in other words to clarify to explain that is to illustrate to paraphrase for example namely as such as like for instance Example People are never tooold to attend college.SO thus as a result due to consequently because/because although of therefore owing to so that for this reason since Example Effective advertising wants to change people's behaviors. many cigarette ads are not allowed near schools or on TV: Although these rules have been in effect a long time. Other ads show glamorous people smoking. There are other examples such as retired people who move to a college town just so they can take occasional classes or even working people in their sixties. -. Owing to mfJl1ijI!llll I!IIII-!!!I the influence of advertising on youth.service ads show coffins of people who died oflung cancer. for instance. . as a result many people have quit smoking. you are never to::old to learn. If this is not due to advertising.

This is one way its citizens can make it healthier. In addition. A community needs help in many ways. English is the language of diplomacy. This equals hiring a health . She worked with restaurant personnel showing them proper food handling techniques. in addition moreover besides similarly furthermore also as well as what's more Example . She worked with school teachers helping them recognize early signs of illness. I worked in a rural area one summer with a community health worker and saw the wonderful ways she helped the people in the area.WRIT I N G THE E S SAY 95 Adding More Information If you are adding more information to make your point stronger. Because of the Internet. She worked with mothers teaching them how to keep their children healthy. much of the information on the World Wide Web is in English as well as in the language of the web host. Pronouns that replace a subject he this she that it they those Pronouns that replace an object his this her that them those Pronouns that replace a possessive his her its their Example My community should hire a health worker. you may want to use these expressIons. Besides the fact that English is the internationallanguage of business. many people correspond in English bye-maiL Moreover. NOTE: This in the last sentence refers to the whole paragraph. worker. you may use some of these pronouns to refer to the person or thing you are describing. it is also becoming the language of social interaction. Pronouns If you are describing someone or something.

_(1)--1 they helped on the farm or in the family business _(2)_ bring in money. I'd _(1)_ pick some candidates from the list supplied by the university._(3)--1 don't have time for formal language classes. on the contrary if much as as well as even though ._(4)_ sports or movies.The erosion of natural resources _(3)_ and the closing of many American farms may reduce its food suppliThe farmers situation could improve _(4)_ they start to build stronger networks across the country. children were valuable workers. 1._(6)_ my investigation. Choose the appropriate transition words or phrases to complete the thought. Sharing in household tasks benefits children of all ages. Children learn the language in school and use it all day _(2)_ going to class and playing with other children. Paragraph from Topic 30 _(1)_ the traffic immediately _(2)_ and after the school day. Paragraph from Topic 134 In the past in America. Paragraph from Topic 109 _(1)_ of adapting to life in a new country is learning that country's language. Would there be enough pa'rking in the school lot for everyone attending those events? Probably not. this may not remain true in the future. _'_(5)--1 those extra cars would end up in _(6)_ neighborhood.Through our letters._(5)--1 they have contacts in the new country-family or friends-'-who help them find employment. Modern children often don't _(5)_ do household chores. _(5)_ we'd find out if we had similar habits. No country can survive without adequate food productiori.96 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Practice 12 Read the paragraphs below. we'd find out if _(3)_ shared common interests. then they don't have the opportunity to use the new language at work. we next first as a result of in addition to such as 2.This is sad because _(6)_ miss something if they don't help out at home. _(6)_ all their co-workers come from the same country and speak the same language. I'd probably find someone compatible with me. Now children are _(4)_ expected to do any work at all. Paragraph from Topic 99 If I chose my own roommate. Paragraph from Topic 129 __ (1)--1 an agricultural research center would help all people. Adults._(5)_ businessmen already have. Just a few generations _(3)--1 attitudes have changed. heir _(4)_ T priority is getting a job._(2)_ the United States is able to produce enough food now. even later they hardly for example in order to 5. whenever before consequently in addition to our such as 3.there also would be traffic _(3)_ there was a sporting event _(4)_ a basketball or football game at the school._'(2)_I'd write to them and they'd write back. if fi rst while on the other hand usually a major part of 4.

and voice. It makes it easier to read and understand. length. many child psychologists believe that watching television is not good for children. The verbs are parallel. The subjects are . Working and playing should be more evenly divided in my day. Parallel Structures Parallelism gives your essay rhythm. Television shows should not be so violent. Parallel Verbs Wepress a button. however. and gerunds must be paralleL Look at these examples of parallelism. Here both working and pLaying are gerunds. Working and. waita short time. Television shows are too violent. The subjects are parallel. hould be more evenly divided in my day. making your paragraphs cohesive. must be parallel. adjectives. You will develop variety in your prose by using parallel structures. and can remove thefood from the microwave. • Paragraph with simple sentences Television is bad for children./2klJ!. That is. wait a short time. Your structures. subject. You cannot write only simple sentences./2klJ!. Children are influenced by television. hould be more evenly divided in my day. but it sounds awkward. verbs. The subjects are parallel. we should limit violence on television. and remove thefood from the microwave. It is not incorrect to use it here. • Paragraph with syntactic variety Sinc~ many television shows are violent. s Here working is a gerund. adverbs. s Both work and pLay are the same kind of nouns.not parallel. the subjects. All three verbs are in the present tense. Wepress a button. Your essay must show I syntactic variety. Parallel Subjects Work and. and writing sentences that vary in type. . As children are easily influenced. you must also show your command of grammar.W R I TIN G THE E S SAY 97 Using Syntactic Variety On the TOEFL Essay you must not only demonstrate your command of vocabulary.

This makes all three verbs parallel. wait a short time. carefully adds to the rhythm of the sentence since the suffix -fully is used three times . The three adverbs all end in-ly. The verbs are not parallel. The objects of the preposition with are all parallel nouns: grace. ease. easily and powerfully.98 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY The third verb uses the auxiliary can. but it sounds awkward. I enjoy shopping and to keep up with the latest styles.. Athletes often move with grace. The first description is a prepositional phrase. The sentence is not wrong. It is not incorrect. The gerunds are parallel. and power. ease. and power.. They are all parallel. In this sentence. Here can precedes the first verb. This sentence can also be made parallel by using three prepositional phrases. The verb enjoy must be followed by a gerund. Athletes move with grace. The adverbs are not parallel. keeping up. Parallel Gerunds I enjoy shopping and keeping up with the latest styles. The meanings of easily and carefully are not the same. Shopping. but it is not parallel. bills. carefully. Parallel Adverbs Athletes often move gracefully. We can press a button. but not paying the bills. the To keep up and to pay not only are not parallel with shopping. and remove the food from the microwave. I found the movie long and it bored me. they are incorrect. The adjectives are both parallel. but not tQJ2f!J!. and powerfullv. Athletes often move gracefullv. easilv. and paying are gerunds. Parallel Adjectives Ifound the movie long and boring . The second adverb easily was replaced with another adverb carefully. and powerful~v. . not an infinitive. but carefully could be used to describe how an athlete moves.

They all begin with an adverb clause introduced by While. Hand-made products are very expensive. the basic parallel construction remains. There is a narrow line between rhythmic parallels and boring repetitions.correct. Each sentence after the first one'takes an idea from the previous sentence and carries it forward using the same construction. These three sentences are parallel. ] prefer machine-made products. Some underlined words are incorrect. '] appreciate low cost. 2. While] appreciate high-quality products. ' 4.:. While hand-made products are generally high quality. While] do appreciate high quality. the parallelism is within the sentences as well as between the sentences. and contrasts the products with the adjectives high quality and low cost. [find them expensive. and hand-made products. my status as a student makes me appreciate low cost as well. rewrite it. While there are advantages and disadvantages to both. I prefer a combination of living at a small.WRITING THE ESSAY 99 Parallel Sentences While tfJereare advantages and disadvantages to both machine-made. ] appreciate high quality. In these two sentences. given my type ofpersonality. suburban town and working in a big city. In this version. Practice 13 Read the sentences and decide if the underlined word or phrase should be changed. While hand-made products are generally high quality. The writer draws a similarity between adjectives high quality and very expensive. [Prefer machine. they are also very expensive. My parents didn't have time to analyze their feelings or thinking about themselves. but not well written.madeproducts. others are grammatically . . 1. Be careful though. [can't afford them. The subject of the independent clause in all three sentences is I. I believe zoos are useful both in terms of educating the general public as well as they can advance scientific research. There is a nice rhythm to these sentences. If the word should be changed. Hand-made products are high quality. Dogs provide older people an important ~ chance to learn or maintaining social skills. 3. The last two sentences have been changed.

doctors can make those leaders healthier. Look at the Pronoun example on page 95. 6. Coherence Transition words help the reader see the relationship between sentences and ideas. Agricultural research improves individual citizens' lives. I could see the house where my grandmother grew up and my cousins still live in that house. Many people want to travel abroad to see new places and things. 7. The next to the last sentence. them recognize early signs of illness. A community needs help in many ways. They are one way to provide coherence in an essay. abroad so that they can improve their educational opportunities. She worked with school teachers helping. She worked with restaurant personnel showing them proper food handling techniques. In the example below. Repeating words can also link ideas that may be several sentences apart. and engineering can guarantee that future generations have good housing. One might think that it is a waste of time to go out to see a movie when you can watch DVDs at home. and interest things are easier to learn about.100 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 5. The second sentence in the example ends with she helped the people in the area. There are two other ways to provide coherence: repeating words and rephrasing ideas. . 9. A community needs help in many ways. 10. notice how the phrase She worked with is repeated three times to show ways a community health worker helped people. Repeating Repeating words can provide a rhythm to a paragraph. people also want to travel . Example She worked with mothers teaching them how to keep their children healthy. whereas successful businesses to improve a country's economy. 8. Heated debate is interesting. Teachers can instruct tomorrow's leaders. emphasizes the need of the community for help.

The scenery near the ocean is especially dramatic.W R I TIN G THE ES SAY 101 Rephrasing We learned the words to use to introduce a statement that has been restated or rephrased for emphasis. For instance. it uses the image of speed and rock music. You can drive for miles without seeing another car. _______ (2) _ 1. (C) If it's selling cars to wealthy executives.ollt the artist in me. with giant dark cliffs rising out of the water. it uses classical music to suggest elegance and comfort. Notice the ideas that are rephrased: The countryside where I grew up is very isolated. The spectacular views bring out the artist in me. An effective adverti.sement matches images and music to its product and __ (1)__ . (B) If the car is for the rich. . t~ke my paints and a canvas and try to capture the excitingfeel of the shoreline.it uses the image of wealth and classical music. Example The countryside where I grew up isvery isolated. I ofte~. If it's selling cars to families. The spectacular views bring. loften take my paints and a canvas and try to capture the exciting feel of the shoreline. Choose which phrase or sentence best completes the thought and makes the paragraph cohesive. You can drive for miles without is a perfect place to relax. The scenery near the ocean is especially dramatic.1 (A) its market (B) the market it .2 (A) If it's trying to sell a more expensive car. Such a secluded. advertisers will want to emphasize elegance and wealth.wants to reach (C) to those who will buy the product 1. Such a secluded. 1. It seems in all directions YOlllook at a breathtaking vista. We can also rephrase words to provide coherence in the essay. with giant dark cliffs rising out of the water. remote environment is a perfect place to relax.Rephrasing gives the reader a second chance to understand your thesis. Synonyms are one way to rephrase. if it's selling cars to young men. it uses the image of practicality and pleasant melodies. remote environment It seems in all directions you look at a breathtaking vista. Practice 14. seeing another car.

For example. Movies"are the result of .102 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 2. 1. which is optional today. however. something that is not a requirement in many schools today. In zoos.1 (A) A foreign language. and compact discs. radio. and also other animals nearby in the bush.1 (A) and the stove and cleaning machine (B) the appliances we have to help us cook our meals and clean our houses (C) the cooking and cleaning inventions 3. we're living longer and more healthful lives.1 zoos are controlled environments (A) Zoos are also important < 1. (C) . They studied penmanship. was a required subject. in 2. Scientists can feel safe in the confined area of the zoo. 1. There may be more than one correct answer. The cars we drive. science. or sentence taken from the paragraph. The contributions scientists make to society are more obvious. as are television.. Scientists also __ (2)__ the arts. 3.2 (A) they had to learn (B) it was important to learn (C) they felt they should know 3. Practice 15 Which option rephrases the word. Zoos are also important environments. for the research opportunities they provide. they need onlYworryabout the research subject.2 (A) contribute to (B) help fund (C) support . phrase. while conducting a medical experiment in an open field.2 in the wild (A) in an open field (B) in the bush -~ (C) In zoos for the research opportunities th. the computers we use at home and at work. while conducting a medical experiment in an open field . (C) They studied a foreign language. Because zoos are controlled research is safer and easier to conduct. (B) Scientists can feel safe in the confined area of the zoo. Our parents studied grammar.(2) __ (1) " how to do basic math· 2. They didn't have to learn advanced mathematics.. (l) -all of these come from the ideas and hard work of scientists. (B) They were taught to communicate a foreign language. Because of scientific contributions. a skill that today few people have mastered. They may not be as safe in the wild. a subject that a lot of schools don't teach today.ey provide. but without the help of a calculator. . scientists have to worry about both the animal they are working with.

subject verb • Compound sentence A compound sentence has two or more simple sentences linked by the conjunctions and. There are four types of sentences: simple. or. some students learn better by discussing a topic. Both art and music help students express themselves. the subject of the sentences. . Newspaper ads are often ignored. • Simple sentence A simple sentence has one subject and one verb. and radio ads are quickly forgotten. Television commercials are the most effective form of advertising.1 express themselves (A) get their hands in the clay (B) handling a pencil (C) find themselves surprised Type Sentences The TOEFL Essay wants you to demonstrate syntactic variety. even if you find you don't like it. Students who have never drawn a picture or thought about making a sculpture will be pleasantly surprised when they get their hands in the clay or start using the pencils. complex.1 whatever way helps students learn (A) some students learn better by discussing a topic (B) others by writing about it (C) in the way that's best for each student 3. A textbook can only give you one way of learning something. simplesentence1 conjunction simplesentence2 . It is always satisfying to try something new. the length of the sentences. and the voice of the sentences. 3. others by writing about it. 2. For instance. and compound-complex. Teachers have been trained to teach their students in whatever way helps students learn the most about the subject. 2. But a teacher can adapt her teaching to your needs as a student. Teachers can help students learn in the way that's best for each student. You can vary the types of sentences you use. and but. compound.WRIT I N G THE ES SAY 103 .

They treat them like children. . the amount of money being spend on pets is also increasing. subordinate clause clause) and one or sentence claus- A compound-complex sentence has two or more simple sentences (independent es) and one or more subordinate clauses. Althouqh families may listen to a radio durinq the day. Pet owners buy special toys for their pets. Most people listen to radio simple sentence • Compound-complex when they're drivinq to work.104 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY • Complex sentence A complex sentence is made up of a simple sentence (independe'nt more subordinate clauses. For example. They order them special clothes. This makes the essay very heavy and very difficult to read. Example ( As the number of pets increase. the parents listen only for news noise. a complex sentence followed by several simple sentences can be very effective. and the children use it for background Length Some students think they have to use compound-complex sentences to show they are very proficient in English. reports. They put them in day care centers. It is better to mix up the type of sentences you use.

likepushing a showgetand unusual exhibits. They will or using can findmaterials to what hearingof theplace Wh:n you're looking at. if there get your ormuseumactivitiestellsyou about are way to to to listen attention.in museums button bored about a something also offeature trying on subjects. They movieEvento you're worship museums art or Another option Museumsmuseums for place place by going toare fun. Many now create to the park andaren't museums notaroundMuseums on havemodels learn art. clothes a in something. you of reasons. you. . A- 13. there is thator a People easiest too. 1.. though. Simple =S = C Complex = Cx Compound-Complex Compound = C-Cx Topic 12 __ __ interestedplace.those willthe culture the thoseplaces. People visit number They Museums theamuseum .thatby visiting its museums. "hands-on" traveling your own awork goor anythepeopletells themlikelotThealsohistory. museum. about whatvisiting someplace new.the about the culture of that in history more you're visiting. W'hy aPeopleof Visitinterested visit museums when nightclub. show you similarart out locals think 12. is important. if to sit new places because a museums.W R I TIN G THE E5 5 A Y 105 Practice 16 Label the sentences by their type in the following essay. . It's impossible tousuallyin you ofisalwaysin These exhibitsisusually involve to have fun.

there is a rhythm to the paragraph. history of enjoy this museum because it's interest the out ofpotatoes. and the sentences do not seem monotonous. In this case.How is your generation differentfrom your parents' generation? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer... 21.. This museum like learning about interesting and so unusual.106 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 0. there is a museum unusual things. .. they tell you on . I I Not all sentences should have the same subject. in my that will amaze andall about you. Learn about the culture of a place Art Lack of museums Examples: History ~=:~-1 Subject what four things pet owners are spending money. These last four sentences are essentially a list. 3. . People everywherepotato. ~ People also enjoy potato dolls. You will want to vary the subjects that you use. They has art made hometown there's 17. People tos. a museum devoted to·the like museums. No what you and sellspotato memen19. Compare these two versions of the same paragraph. like. tells matter who you are or the potato. like key chains andmuseums about unusual subjects. Everygeneration of people is different in important ways. For instance. Essay Organization Theme: Point 1: People visit museums for a number of reasons. Notice in the example in the section Sentence Length. the subject of the last four sentences is the same: Pet owners and the pronoun they. 8. Topic 174 Point 2: Example: Have fun Hands-on exhibits I .

1 (A) Spelling (B) Pronunciation (C) English 2. Version B My parents' generation has strict standards about acceptable behavior.1 (A) They (B) We 1. High school students can't decide alone what they need to study._(2)_ find different expressions for the same thing. However._(l)_' _ need the guidance of experts in the field of education." "through. they are still very concerned about what other people think of them. 1.2 (A) you'll (8) travelers (C) there'll . JI1Y parents' generation grew up in small communities where everyone knew everybody. ' . 1. English is a difficult language to learn. Since my parents' generation grew up in small communities where everyone knew everybody. and should be required to take others. _(2)_ should have the freedom to choose some courses. Its pronunciation is erratic. they have a difficult time accepting other standards of behavior. By combining sentences and rearranging the order. My parents' generation is still very concerned about what other people think of them. 2. and so is its spelling.2 (A) One (B) You (C) Secondary school attendees (C) They 2. and different pronunciations for the same word . you can provide variety to the paragraph and not repeat the same subject in every sentence. Everywhere you travel in an Englishspeaking country. Practice 17 Choose the subject that best completes the blank.W R I TIN G THE E S SAY -107 Version A My parents' generation has strict standards about acceptable behavior.. My parents' generation has a difficult time accepting other standards of behavior. too. Why are "though. Consequently." and "thought" pronounced differently? Why do many English words have two different spellings? _(1)_ is very idiomatic. they also need the freedom to follow their curiosity and interests.

they destroy the quiet lifestyle of a small town. Again. Practice 18 Underline the verbs in the following essay and tell whether they are active or passive. however.2. 2. The active voice is a very direct way of writing and is often dearer and easier to read than the passive voice.1 3. Topic 5 1. the bentfits of a factory are outweighed by the risks.2 (A) he or she (8) they (C) Voice (A) fence builder (8) friend (C)neighbor it There are two voices in English: active and passive.This means _(1)_ c:t0esn'tput in a driveway that takes up part of your lawn.1. In my opinion. and maybe the two of you could share the COSt. you should vary the use of voice in your essay. the passive emphasizes the action itself. In addition. Factories cause pollution and they bring too much growth. A good _(2)_ works with you to decide where to put the fence. doer • Passive voice Children must be taught computer skills by their parents. 3. Or build a fence that cuts off part of your backyard.108 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 3. 3. action Some students think they should write only in the passive voice because it sounds more impressive. That is why I oppose a plan to build a factory near my community. A good neighbor respects your property and asksyour permission before doing something that might affect it. 5. __ 3. ad:ive/ No Factory! People likefactories because they bring new jobs to a community. . __ 4. The active emphasizes the doer of the action. • Active voice Parents must teach their children computer skills.

this have a negative result.in jobs will factory. .1." 24. ways. placethe by factory. Our population will grow 6. ~ .harmmorewillaapleasant created now. Everybody knows would be else.2. a but " environmentoutweigh the willSome people small-town change. health will be built. 10. storeswater bethatbe too dirty to bebe lotThe traffic quickly. 16. 11. covered much dust.will homesto build a wouldsaywill feelThere willlost.2 11. 7. . 18. 12.1. of on and streams. cannot all of a 17. be drink. However. It somenew growth factorycause will be helpfulthanis good.1. Factories cause change affected. Factories I the city. Many Fast will be new hurt plan canand Our new fact01Y here.Our city everybody changeda factory bringsagrowth to also pollute rivers become dirty. "" ". Our will more If we build a lot.a Itwethe roads. supportthis benefits.2.1 19. thedangers safe and quiet. 23. 22. air is breathe A can and people's cityThewillsmog. Everything will be If too with by factory.W R I TIN G THE E5 5 AY 109 .1. 22. 9.

built Theme: There will be a lot benefits of a factory are outweighed by the risks. (8) Young people can associate with older people who fear aging. (A) Society earns a little from entertainers' contributions. (8) Our lives are changing dramatically and so have changes in food preparation. (C) It's not a fact that these products were made by machines. (8) Products made by machine are not liked. 3. . town feel will Smog it Now homes The cityis safe . else ~. (A) I do not like the fact that these are machine-made products. young people overcome the fear of aging. it's a fact.and quiet be lost. 1. Young people will be helped to overcome the fear of aging by associating with older people. I do not like the fact that these products are made by machines. Large sums of money are earned by entertainers who do little to contribute to society. (A) Changes in food preparation have dramatically improved our lives.::. (8) Entertainers earn large sums of money yet contribute little to society. andharm the environment.. Pollution of traffic Practice 19 Choose the active sentence that correCtly carries the meaning of the passive sentence. Our lives have been dramatically improved by changes in food preparation. 4. (C) Money is contributed to society byentertainers who earn a lot.. 2. knows be Factories would harmed will t=vt=r yuuuy The Now will be•. (C) Our food preparation improvements have been dramatic changes. (A) Our fear of associating with older people can overcome young people . (C) Association with older people will help . stores by fast growth.11 0 H OW TOP R E PAR E FOR THE TOE F L E S SAY Examples: Point 1: Point 2: Essay Organization Point 3: ~ Examples:Moresmall '-v'-..

A happy life needs balance. the subjects of the sentences. . be involved in family life. and examples of coher- 2. o . and become more confident and responsible adults. transition words. Look at these conclusions from the essays in this book.THE TOPI£ ~ON~LUDING STEP 9: WRITE THE CONCLUSION A good essay should have a good conclusion. A conclusion is a few sentences that support your thesis and remind the reader of your intentions. ence.W R I TIN G THE E S SAY· 111 5. Read the essays in the Model Essay section. If an agricultural research station were established. (B) The community would be profitable if an agricultural research station were established. In the essays in the Model Essay section. There are no answers provided. (C) We would benefit from the establishment of an agricultural research station. too. You can review the complete essay in the Model Essay section. and the voice of the sentences. Tbey will know the satisfaction of doing a good job. There are a few different ways to write a conclusion. underline and label all parallel structures. Conclusion from Topic 134 Children should not work all the time. Identify the use of syntactic and semantic variety. Restatement You can end your essay by restating your thesis and/or restating your topic sentences. our community (A) The agricultural research station would profit from our community. If children can succesifully handle tasks at home.ldentify the types of sentences. would profit. Free Practice Do either or both of the following activities on your own or in a group. they will handle life better. 1.

. Conclusion from Topic 13 Both eating at restaurants and cooking at home can be satisfying. newspapers. think I'd like to have a lot of acquaintances who are different and a few closefriends who are similar to me. This is called a rhetorical question. Tbat seems to be the best of both worlds. Question You can conclude with a question that does not need an answer. Conclusion from Topic 117 All things considered. Conclusion from Topic 26 I believe that a new movie theater is a fine idea. because of the money and health issues. and the improved infrastructure will make our town a nicer place to live. The answer is contained in the question. Both can taste good and be enjoyed with family and friends . I believe that the reduction in crime.. 1 Prediction You can summarize the information you provided and point the reader toward the next logica: step. and our peers to guide us? What would we do without books. Conclusion from Topic 2 Tbe most important thing to realize is that we all have many teachers in our lives. I encourage my friends to eat out less. Recommendation You can urge your readers to do something with the information you provided. but it's up to them to make the choice that fits their lifestyles best. teachers. Where we would be without our parents. the increase in employment.I prefer cooking at home. I support it because of the changes it will bring to our citizens and our town. and television to inform us?All of them are very valuable.112 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Genera lization You can use all the information you provided and make a generalization about it.

WRITING THE ESSAY 113 Practice 20 What kind of a conclusion is each of these sentences or paragraphs? Refer to the whole essay. (A) Restatement (B) Generalization (C) Prediction (D) Question (E) Recommendation 3. give us the opportunity to amuse ourselves at movie theaters and restaurants. We would give everyone the to do the same for (A) Restatement (B) Generalization (C) Prediction final opinion of others on first impressions. Conclusion from Topic 40 If you give up you might as well die. There is always something else. Conclusion from Topic 119 Clothes don't change you into a different person. but they can make you behave differently. (A) Restatement (B) Generalization (C) Prediction (D) Question (E) Recommendation 4. people will react to you in a different way. make sure to dress appropriately for every situation . it would be hard to get to know probably miss many opportunities to·make good friends. Conclusion from Topic 25 On the whole. This reaction can. If you want good reactions from people. 1. change your behavior. to help you decide. goal. and bring more jobs into the area. If you are dressed inappropriately for a situation. My advice is to always look for another opportunity. in turn. It would bring more variety to our shopping. or another option. Conclusion from Topic 121 If we all based our anyone. (A) Restatement (B) Generalization (C) Prediction (D) Question (E) Recommendation another 2. Isn't it important to chance to show us whothey really are? And don't you want other people you? (D) Question (E) Recommendation . though.. given at the end of the book. I think my neighborhood should support having a shopping center built here. Don't give up.

wouldn't I? Could you call me a foreigner if I called everyplace my home? . People often say. I would experience living in housing particular to that area. The weather can change. if we looked at the past in the United States. which only has two. No doubt. (A) Restatement (8) Generalization (C) Prediction (D) Question (E) Recommendation Practice 21 Read the essay.. weather. and politics determine what happens. On the whole. I think that people. we would have believed this to be impossible. Turkey sent aid. I would meet new people in every plac: I lived. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. not the past. Greece sent aid. Circle the eight words or phrases that indicate a personal opinion. People. The direction of this change. and the government protects these rights. But there can be a long drought. When Turkey had an earthquake. in my opinion. People can change. Look at Turkey and Greece. People may have hated each other for years. Underline the topic sentences. cannot be predicted by studying the past. But people change. the weather. we would see a lot of discrimination against races. It doesn't help us to think about the past. it is important to follow the mood of today. the present is what is important. they would always do the same thing. Weather changes. and sexual orientation. Politics can change. if we had looked at the past. " I totally disagree. Farmers plant certain crops because these crops have always grown well in their fields. if politicians looked only at the past. Politics change. The crops that grew well in the past will die. I could move to sample countries with four seasons or even a continent like Antarctica. Topic 40 Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. I don't see any evidence that people have made smart decisions based on their knowledge of the past. and politics can change in any direction. I would then be a citizen of the world. The farmers need to try a drought-resistant crop. . if we had looked at the past. we wouldn't have changed our crop. To me. people now are interested in human rights. "Those who don't understand history will repeat the mistakes of the past. but that doesn't mean they will continue to hate each other.114 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 5. When Greece had an earthquake. Conclusion from Topic 31 The more I moved the more I would experience change. These two countries are cooperating now. As a rule. Double underline the words in the introduction that guide the reader. women. Wherever I lived.

or they can show us that we deserve love and respect. They can teach us that we're worthless. During this time we also begin to develop self-discipline to live according to our morals. the foundation is laid. These are the years when we begin our formal education. During these years we learn about relationships. then with the rest of the world. . If we're treated harshly. then we learn how to love. Point 2: Example:. from my point of view. We learn how to respond to others \ based on the way others treat us. However. farmers Politics rights change. we develop our moral sense of right and wrong during these years. At first others teach us about good and bad. in those first few years of life. These are skills that we will use throughout our lives. ~t3: Practice 22 Read the essay. Point 1: Greece can can and weather determine Theme: The Humanaffect change . Double underline the words in the introduction that guide the reader. No doubt. the early years are the time when we learn about relationships.will always be useful. and develop our moral sense of right and wrong.WRITING THE ESSAY 115 Essay Organization Droughtspolitics.. what happens. These are the years that form us. Most important. I believe a person grows and changes throughout the many stages of life. and working with numbers. first with our fan:zily. I think I'd have to agree that a person s childhood years are the most imp011ant. . Underline the topic sentences. People and change. . Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer . then we learn to treat others in the same way. As we grow. not the pa Example: Example: . these are skills that . weather Turkey can People. We also learn how to analyze and use information. Presumably. In school we learn the basic skills of reading. Circle the eight words or phrases that indicate a personal opinion. If we're loved. This is perhaps the most important thing we learn during these years. we begin to decide jor ourselves. by and large. begin our formal education. writing. We also form our ideas about self-worth based on the way others treat us during these years. Topic 133 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person's childhood years (the time from birth to 12 years of age) are the most important years of a person's life. .

. I had a band director in high school who had to take extra jobs just to make enough money to support hisfamily.. '. ~_ .~~:. some day I would like to befamous in my field as a professor of English.. He ordered everyone around.. Topic 131 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? successful. If history is the ultimate judge of success. . v . and we didn't respect him. Underline the topic sentences.. in the movie Good Will Hunting. Use specific reasons and examples Only people who earn a lot of money are your answer. Similarly. -. _ . •.. Practice 23 Read the essay. ."ic"V_'. Overall. Certainly. He knew a lot.=&'fill. Without that respect. For example.::~W~---' I I I I l I I t~ ~ Examples: I 7. that success is more than how much money you make.~-. - _ /«> .).the janitor.. Circle the nine words or phrases that indicate a perso~1al opinion. there are many famous humanitarians who are not rich.-'..'o/'u. . and sometimes pay others to do work they can't do. In my opinion.~$ -.. p'Oint 1: We I earn a b out re I' atlons h'IpS. however.• _-"\. He made a very good salary. however. ':.. we were a very good band. Finally.." " _~. I also believe that being respected by coworkers indicates success. or contributed to science or art or religion.. Some of those measures of success definitely include fame. _ . " Our sense._ __ -Y1"... . As a result. the only person who could solve some complex problems was. ~ . When we think of history. respect.. he was extremely successful. no one would say she was not successful. .. money means little.&&v»~. His students had great respectfor him and always listened to what he said. 'nJ(. Double underline the words in the introduction that guide the reader... No one ever did work for him willingly. which by US.116 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Essay Organization I " %~~~~~d\l~~JM'~~-%#M-4W~.. Examples: our moralsense of self-worthinformation Learn basic skills We develop tearn to analyze and use Develop our formal Point 2: We begin self-disciplineeducation. . Mostpeople assume that famous people are richpeople. then money surely isn't everything. ' _.-.. . my band director was more successful than the attorney was.. Additionally. Mother Theresa was one.. In my opinion. Wealthypeople don't always know all the answers.~'.:::. ". How to treat others Learn right and wrong . but that isn't always true. but he wasn't a nice man._ . In contrast. I willfeel myself to be successful if I am well known. . I will still only make a professor's salary. For example.' ".'. there are few people that we remember simply because they were rich. . -_. '. =. I think one of the most important indicators of success is knowledge...-"-. to support Many people believe that a large income equals success. Still.. _.-. we remember people who did something with their live~they were influential in politics._. Point 3: I r... and decided what he wanted to do with that knowledge rather than just think about money. and knowledge. standards will not mean that I am rich. I believe. I once did some workfor a top attorney in a law firm..

o SELF-TEST ESSAY #3 Write on the same topic as Self-test Essay # 1.W R I TIN G THE E5 5 A Y 117 Essay Organization . Divide your time like this... There are no answers provided.. Identify the type of conclusion tains.. . Do NOT write in the shaded areas. Point 3: Point 2: 1: Theme: Success can mean knowledge.•• . mm __ . and revise an essay on that topic within 30 minutes. write. Read the essays in the Model Essay section.•. Success can mean fame . Examples: Examples: Examples: Professor Attorney Theresa Mother Wealthy people don't know everything ..Supporting Details . ' 1wm-"*.05:00 05:00 .25:00 25:00 . " . I I f. ..•. Change the conclusion in any or all of the essays to another type of conclusion. Plan.00:00 _ Topic Number: PLAN Concept Map Thesis Statement General Ideas .1!!r_'&w&!!1i!!_K_---JI Band director Good ' Janitor in ~. each con- 2.j!h-_mm ____ Will Hunting 'm¥ko.. Success is more than how respect. Use the space on the following pages. much money you make: j I I I Free Practice Do either or both of the following activities on your own or in a group. PLAN WRITE REVISE 5 minutes 20 minutes 5 minutes 30:00 .. 1...

Use this checklist as a guide .120 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY REVISE Proofing Checklist Reread your essay. CONTENT PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING CLARITY Are there run-on sentences or sentence fragments? ./ . Are all sentencessentencewithor for each periods at the end of each sentence? there topic begindetails each dangling modifiers? a supporting words? Is there thethesis statementfor capital cohesive? a transition parallel? Do there conclusion?modifiers introduction? misplaced all structures and paragraphs paragraph? words punctuation marks or Are the sentences spelled correctly? letters? statement? paragraphs indented? such'as topic ./ .

' . SELF-TEST ESSAY #4 153 .4 Revising the Essay CHECKING THE CONTENT AND CLARI'IY STEP STEP 122 122 122 10: CHECK 11: CHECK THE CONTENT THE CLARITY CHECIilNG THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING STEP 130 12: CHECK THE PUNCTUATION 130 AND SPELLING USING THE PROOFING CHECIiLIST HOW TO REVISE ' 133 133.

You will get more practice in checking the content in the section on proofing that follows. .CBEClilNG THE CONTENT AND CIARl1Y STEP 10: CHECK THE CONTENT The Proofing Checklist advises you to check four things in your essay. Corrected History gives us the big picture. A possible subject is History . Of course. Whether you type your essay or write by hand. it is better not to make errors. By thinking before you write. it is called a run-on sentence. Sentences A sentence must have a subject and a verb. 122 . This sentence fragment is missing a subject. If a sentence has extra subjects and/or verbs (for example. you will have to proofread carefully to find your errors. Example 1 Fragment Gives us the big picture. you can avoid common errors with sentences and modifiers. two sentences written as one). Recognizing Sentence Fragments The following examples of sentence fragments show how a subject and/or verb can be forgotten. . If a sentence is missing a subject or verb or both. Is there a thesis statement or introduction? o Is there a topic sentence for each paragraph? Are there supporting Is there a conclusion? details for each topic statement? These content items have been fully explained in the chapters on planning and writing your essay. it is called a sentence fragment. STEP 11: CHECK THE CLARITY On the TOEFL Essay your computer will not have a grammar checker.

Young children who study those subjects in 3. . I assuming that this is true of teenagers. much more completely. Practice 1 Tell which of the following from Topic 125 are sentence fragments. Well.1 agree that all students should art and music in high school. There are 8 sentence fragments.REVISING THE ESSAY 123 Example 2 Fragment What they did learn. 2. 4. T~is sentence fragment much more completely is missing both a subject and a verb in the indepen. because it good for their physical 6. The noun clause What they did learn is complete. The independent clause needs a subject and a verb such as they learned. Choose a possible subject and/or verbfrom this box to complete the sentence. surprised when they start to draw. even if you find don't like it. Students have never drawn a picture will be 8. studying art and music is good for their mental health. Corrected What they did learn.. Corrected It is important to adapt to the customs of the country. A possible subject is Studying art. . grade school do better in other subjects. 5. Example 4 Fragment It important to adapt to the customs of the country. Example 3 Fragment Means more than drawing or sculpting. All high school students must take physical education health. A possible verb is is. Both art and music are interesting dents to express themselves. It is always satisfying to try something new. dent clause. and stu- 7. they learned much more completely. Sentence Studying art means more than drawing or sculpting. The verb means has no subject. It a whom is you study '. The sentence fragment is missing a verb.

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9. There's a reason cave dwellers drew on the
walls and made music with drums.

12. The teacher taught me how to play the
piano was very inspiring.

10. The desire for self-expression is a natural
human inclination.

13. It shouldn't matter if the end result is
me-diocre.

11. Gives us an avenue for our emotions and
fears.

Recognizing

Run-on Sentences

The following examples of run-on sentences show how two sentences can be incorrectly written together.
Example 1
Run-on sentence We all make decisions we can learn from them. We all make decisions. We can learn from them. Corrected We all make decisions that we can learn from.

Example 2
Run-on sentence A movie is more vivid you're seeing it on a large screen. A movie is more vivid. You're seeing it on a large screen. Corrected A movie is more vivid because you're seeing it on a large screen.

Example 3
Run-on sentence We can conduct research on Earth this is less costly than in space. We can conduct research on Earth. This is less costly than in space. Corrected Conducting research on Earth is less costly than in space.

Example 4
Run-on sentence English is a difficult language to learn its spelling is irregular. English is a difficult language to learn. Its spelling is irregular . .Corrected English is a difficult language to learn because its spelling is irregular.

REVISING

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ESSAY

125

Practice 2
Decide if these sentences are run -on sentences. There are six run -on sentences. In these six, underline the first sentence anddouble 1. The most important underline the second sentence in the run-on sentences below.

decision I made in my life was to major in computer science.

6. I graduated I had eight very good job
offers. 7 •. My choice of college major gave me a lucrative career it helped in my married life.

2. This taught me important

professional skills this assured me a successful career. tively new.

3. I was in college, computer science was rela4. None of my friends understood what I was
doing .all day.

8. I married a Naval officer through the years
we've moved six times.

9. Each time, no matter where we've lived,I've
been able to find a job with my computer programming skills.

5. They were learning how to be teachers,
journalists, and economists I was learning how to write computer programs.

10. In fact by moving I learned about various
computer technologies that I wouldn't learned by staying with one company. have

Correcting Sentences

Both sentence fragments and run -on sentences can be fixed by combining them correctly. Some of the ways sentences can be combined are shown below. For more practice, you should study the 'Grammar Review section in the current edition of Pamela Sharpe's How to Prepare for the TOEFL, Barron's Educational Series. You can combine two simple sentences to make a compound sentence.

I want to buy a house. but I don't have enough money.
I want to buy a house that has three bedrooms. You can add an independent sentence.

'

You can add a dependent clause to a simple sentence to make a complex sentence.

clause to a complex sentence to make a compound-complex

I want to buy a house that has three bedrooms, but I don't have enough monry. To combine two simple sentences, you can use coordinating conjunctions.

c;::' ];;~. 't:t.=
Sentence Fragment Combination Run-on Sentence Combination

._~.=~:~~~~'

I prefer to study in the morning. My sister to study in the evening. I prefer to study in the morning, and my sister prefers to study in the evening. People exercised more years ago they called it work, not exercise. People exercised more years ago, but they called it work, not exercise.

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To combine a dependent clause with a sentence, you need subordinating conjunctions. There are a variety of subordinating conjunctions with different purposes. The following conjunctions are used to indicate contrast, manner, time, relationship, and reason.
CONTRAST
although whereas of much though though even in spite despiteas

,

Sentence Fragment Combination Run-on Sentence Combination

Teenagers should have jobs. While they are students. Teenagers should have jobs while they are students. Not everyone can get the best health care everyone can get basic health care and advice. Although not everyone can get the best health care, everyone can get basic health care and advice.

MANNER

as

I as if
We can understand their art. We can understand their art.

I as though

I like

I the way

Sentence Fragment Combination

other cultures through their music. As we can through other cultures through their music as we can through

Run-on Sentence Combination

The Spanish-speaking population is increasing, the English-speaking population is remaining at the same level. . The Spanish-speaking population is increasing, even as the English-speaking population is remaining at the same level. before as minute since the moment until second as soon as while

_.

after

Sentence Fragment Combination .

We should earn money. Before we spend it. . We should earn money before we spend it. Poor people need help they can manage on their own. Poor people need help until they can manage on their own.

Run-on Sentence Combination

Sentence Fragment Combination Run-on Sentence Combination why r how The teacher asked me. Doctors know more now about reasons what causes disease and how to cure it.REV I SIN G THE E S SAY 127 RELATIONSHIP that where which who whose Sentence Fragment Combination Run-on Sentence Combination We should eat more fruits. Practice 3 Combine the following to avoid sentence fragments tions suggested. or run-on sentences. Food contains a lot of preservatives. 3. Manner As Our population ages we will need more services for the elderly. Time when A birdbath w~ w~ ~aJte. which are now available year-around Food contains a lot of preservatives they aren't good for us. 1. we want more. Why he wasn't here . REASON what J . 5. The teacher asked me why he wasn't here. Contrast Even though We have all we need. Relationship where _ I'd like to have a garden I could grow vegetables. Use the subordinate conjunc- . . Doctors know more now about what causes disease and how to cure it. which aren't good for us. Now available year-around We should eat more fruits. . 4. dtiUcal.· is a source of water for birds the weather is hot.J~ 2. Reason why Students wonder. Teachers are critical.

I was searching for an apartment. I had difficulty finding a parking space. 1. Dangling modifier Sentence Original To live within my budqet. You must be careful when you combine participial phrases or prepositional phrases in other sentences. I need a convenient place. There would be more money for libraries. Misplaced modifier Sentence Original 1had difficulty finding a parking space searchinq for an apartment. Sentence 1 Sentence 2 Revision Sentence 1+2 The parking space is NOT searching for an apartment. A place cannot "live within a budget:' The person mlssmg. There would be more money for other community needs.. I need to live within my budget. The townhouse should be renovated. There are two problems that can occur here: a misplaced modifier and a dangling modifier.128 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Modifiers Earlier we saw how you can combine sentences using conjunctions. I that the prepositional phrase modifies is Practice 4 Combine these sentences as directed. You must place the participial phrase near the noun it modifies. Sentence 2 Revised Sentence 1+2 This is a simple. I want to live in a renovated townhouse. a place should be convenient. 1had difficulty finding a parking space. A person is searching. An adjective renovated describing townhouse in the second sentence is placed in front of the noun townhouse in the first. . There would be more money for schools. You can combine sentences by taking words or phrases from the second sentence and inserting them in the first as modifiers. Original Sentence 1 I want to live in a townhouse. Searchinq for an apartment. C Sentence 1 Sentence 2 Revision Sentence 1 +2 To live within my budqet.1 need a place that is convenient. straightforward combination. Look at these examples .

and librarians. The jobs would include teachers. 1. Use a pronoun as the subject for cohesion. s. . Children do better in all subjects who study art. _ Combine with and Practice 5 Rewrite these-sentences to place the modifiers correctly. They also learn while going to school. Once the buildings were completed. Immigrant children learn their new language while playing with other children. Combine by adding Although to the first sentence. Playing sports is a wonderful way to learn discipline.. Our community is a place. Combine with and 3. Combine by deleting It is a place. It is a place where everyone knows everyone else . Playing sports should not be the focus of a university education.REV I SI N G THE E S SAY 129 Combine with and 2.. office workers. the jobs would be those on the campus itself. custodians. 2. A child has exciting places to visit in the city growi-ng up. 4.

pay attention to punctuation. This will help you understand English spelling patterns. 4. Also when you read. • Start each paragraph when you are ending a sentence or on a new line. 5.130 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THETOEFL ESSAY 3. • Indent each paragraph. o • Capitalize the first word of a sentence. when you are starting a new topic. English is the language of diplomacy which is very idiomatic. This will help the reader determine . This will help the reader determine when you are starting a new sentence. pay close attention to words. • Put a period or question mark at the end of a sentence or question. This will help the reader determine when you are starting a new idea. There are four important things to remember about punctuation on the TOEFL Essay. Looking for'a rewarding career computer science attracts many young people. Reading fiction is more enjoyable than watching a movie such as novels and short stories. CHECIilNG THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING STEP 12: CHECK THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING It is beyond the scope of this book to provide activities to improve your spelling. Remember that there is no spell checker on the computer that you use with the TOEFL Essay. This will help the reader determine question. This will help you when writing your essay.When you read.

Use a comma to separate a non-restrictive relativedause. none was a. and two-bedroom. Topic 21 Why People are Living Longer swimming pool and a two-car garage. Use a comma after a subordinate Clause at the start of the sentence:~ Once I've chosen an area. some people . Excited.REV I 5 I N G THE E5 5 AY 131 Here are some other forms of punctuation that will make your essay easier to read. Orchard Hil~'was developed byjohn Bartle. Use a comma between a noun and any following descriptions. I wa~ted a renovated townhouse. __ iIIIIIL __ Semicolon Use a semicolon to separate closely related sentences. living room and bedroom. Use a comma to separate adjectives or participles that are not part of the sentence or were added for emphasis. My favorite area. an entrepreneur. I want to have a kitchen. who are veryfriendly. when someone is seriously ill he or she can go to a public hospital. All the neighbors.vailable. the main reasons for this are greater access to health care improved health care and better nutrition. I signed the lease without reading thefine print. basic health care is available to more people now. inexpensive house. very expensive. Comma Use a comma in a list of three or more things. I want a large. I decide whether I want to live in a house or an apartment. Colon or Dash Use a colon or dash in front of a listor explanation. The apartment was expensive. The corrected essay follows it. one-bedroom. there are also more clinics and doctors than there used to be Years ago. I looked at these kinds of apartments: studio. keep their houses very tidy. My needs are simple-a Practice 6 Punctuate the following essay. It is optional to put a comma before the and. airy. people are living to be much older these days than ever before. health care wasn't available to everyone.

needed.! 0f ___ Fruits Public hospitals Antibiotics and other medicines and cures " Examples: Examples: More knowledge about heart disease . . Now we need to make sure that everyone in the world has these benefits. Years ago. Years ago. people died young because of simple things like an infection or a virus. People are is available these people now. People also live longer because the quality of health care has improved. We know that eating low-fat food can prevent heart disease. The quality of nutrition has improved also We eat more healthfully than we used to. Now we have antibiotics and other medicines to help cure infections. Improved health care and healthy eating habits allow us to live longer. now we have antibiotics and other medicines to help cure infections . he or she can go to a public hosPital. health care wasn't available to everyone. and better nutrition. improved health care. n1W_~TI£1 I •~ I I . doctors now know more about diseases and cures Years ago. Improved health care and healthy eating habits allow us to live longer Now we need to make sure that everyone in the world has these benefits Corrected Essay Why People Are Living Longer People are living to be much older these days than ever before. There are also more clinics and doctors than there used to be. carehasimproved.0f_\iih t~ ______ and vegetables prevent cancer. The quality of nutrition has improved also. We eat more healthfully than we used to. When someone is seriously ill. The main reasons for this are greater access to health care. and we know that eating fruits and vegetables can prevent cancer. . people died young because of simple things such as infection or a virus. Essay Organization I I Point 1: Examples: Point3: 1 Point 2: Thequality of health Thequality of nutrition hasimproved.. .132 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY didn't live near a doctor or hospital and others couldn't pay for the care they needed. we know that eating low-fat food can prevent heart disease and we know that eating fruits and vegetables can prevent cancer. people also live longer because the quality of health care has improved.. Doctors now know more about diseases and cures. Basic health care is available to more people now. Some people didn't live near a doctor or hospital and others couldn't pay for the care they . I to . diseases Low-fat food prevents More clinics and doctors Theme: Health care living longer to moredays for several reasons.

you might want to leave extra space between the lines in case you need to insert a change. 3. Read the essays in the Model Essay section. and punctuation. Use the caret inserted. Read the essays in the Model Essay section. Circle all the punctuation. 4. Identify the coordinate conjunctions. Here are some ways to make your revisions clear to your reader. Underline all modifying and subordinate 5. n symbol to indicate where something should be If you write your essay by hand. modifiers. Cross out the word completely. 2.you must do so very neatly. Delete a word or phrase. If you make corrections on your handwritten essay. There are no answers provided.REVISING THE ESSAY 133 Free Practice Do any or all of the following activities on your own or in a group. Review all of the essays you have written. expressions. Read the essays in the Model Essay section. . Read the essays in the Model Essay section. Insert a word or phrase. precise revisions when you use the computer. 1. Identify all the subjects and verbs. clauses. o USING THE PROOFING CHECI\LIST HOW TO REVISE It is very easy to make clean. Check the sentences.

. ..*.-. As you proof the practice essays in this book and proof your own practice essays... . you will become familiar with the four areas of this checklist../ '. PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING end . .. Do marks such begin with the ords? Are there.134 HOW TO·PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Proofing Checklist You will not be able to take this list into the testing room. each sentence? .-..-""»'»=='~'~~·~c&W~~l!'»>:. but soon it will be second nature to you.. all sentences as periods atcapital letters? of ndsentences or sentencethere a thesis statement or introduction? paragraphs cohesive?fragments? Is there thetopic sentence for eacheach topic modifiers? supporting details all structures spelled correctly? words Is the a conclusion?modifiersfor paragraph? Are there misplaced indented? or dangling statement? paragraphs parallel? . . " WI I I .·=.~ < CLARITY CONTENT .. punctuation.. - .='".."".. m~~JM!J>=WM.

I think the most important preparation is helping a child learn to read.. Many ways to make a difference in a community. adventure stories. that the activity brings hope to the future. Reading opens up a whole new world to a child. or does she think the characters'problems are there own fault? Children learn how to form preferences and make judgments when they're reading. or nonfiction.~ . It lets them travel to other countries.ltavelr ~ Helping a Child to Read The children of today will be the citizens of tomorrow . Does the child prefer fantasy stories. They will control the world we live in. is she sympathetic to the characters' difficulties. Learning to read..REV I 5 I N G THE E5 5 AY 135 Practice 7 Proof the following essay by answering the questions that follow. Reading helps to form a child's personality.other centuries. and to cultures that are different. We must prepare them for their role in our future. I believe . A childs creativity isfed by reading. It increases their vocabulary which will help them learn subjects in school more quickly. For that reason. It teaches them about the way people different from themselves think about things. Which activity is most important? • reducing pollution in your neighborhood • helping a child learn to read • visiting an elderly person regularly Explain your choice u~ing reasons and details. they musthave the best education possible. -~ ~ ttimtt.~W~~ltitw . They learn that there are another ways to view situations. It shows them there are many different ways to describe the same thing.

t '7heme.. (B) I think the most important preparation is helping a child learn to read. 4.~@ill§~-~m. paragraph 4 (C) Sentence 2..:ctivi. 2.d. (A) There are many ways to make a difference in a community (B) We must prepare them for their role in our future..dlli1lli@llilW1Mt*rfiill. (C) They will control the world we live in..Jf1%tlli. paragraph 1 (8) Sentence 1. In which sentence is there a dangling participle? Correct it.llitMtimW~iili&Y""':':tWf. Which of the following sentences supports this statement: Reading opens up a whole new world to a child.situations Feeds Make judgments of the characters' to other and cultures Learn uppreferences people ~s helPi~g things ieam to re. I (D) None of the above. adventure stories. paragraph 5 .. (A) Paragraph 1 (8) Paragraph 3 (C) Paragraph 5 S.t»>!~:%M~%m_jWEMt' :. when they're reading. (D) None of the above. 3. (C) It teaches them about the way people different from themselves think about things.~ different think types Increase vocabulary Point Opens how new worlds.I~ "I I I JI I " w" Answer the questions.i! Examples: 'Travel"creativity.titW'~qm=«i@.___ . Which of the following sentences is the topic sentence for paragraph 3? (A) Does the child prefer fantasy stories. or nonfiction? (B) Children learn how to form preferences and make judgments (C) Reading helps to form a child's personality.1: ~ ..s\Bi@ill&&r.136 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Essay Organization __ :_~IW~_~Point 3: __ 'L_ _ m_. countries.ydifferent about aof stories Examples: Develop Examples: See different ways to describe things Point 2: Helps form a child's personality.o~. I I 1 I I1jWt""r.'W:":::''f%'till~'''=-TIWtfiliWfWit@llii..ortan-. Which of the following sentences is the thesis statement for this essay? (A) They learn that there are other ways to view situations. centuries. 1. (D) None of the above.for ". In which paragraph is there a sentence fragment? Correct it.. The .. (A) Sentence 4.

Which paragraph is not indented? (A) Paragraph 1 (8) Paragraph 3 (C) Paragraph 4 11.paragraph 4 8. (A) Sentence 1 (8) Sentence 2 (C)Sentence 3 7. Which sentence is not parallel with the others in paragraph 2?Correct it.paragraph 4 12. paragraph 2 (8) there in sentence 3. In paragraph 1.paragraph 3 (C)Sentence 1. paragraph 3 13. paragraph 2 (C)Sentence 3. paragraph 3 (C)Sentence 1. Which sentence does not begin with a capital letter? (A) Sentence 5. Which word is not spelled correctly in this essay?Correct it. (A) Sentence 1. paragraph 2 (8) Sentence 2. (A) lets in sentence 2. Which object in sentence 2. paragraph 1 (8) Sentence 2. paragraph 3 (C) ways in sentence 2. (A) other countries (8) other centuries (C)to cultures that are different 9. Which topic sentence is not parallel with the others? Correct it.the transition phrase For that reason connects which two ideas? (A) control of world and education (8) trite and true (C) children and preparation 10.REV I SIN G THE E S SAY 137 6.paragraph 2· (8) Sentence 1. paragraph 4 . (A) Sentence 2. paragraph 2 is not parallel with the others? Correct it. Which sentence does not end with the correct punctuation? Correct it.

paragraph 1 (B) Sentence 1. IWi_mw __ m!!W!1E5'1 ___ Point 2: Examples: We need to plant shade trees.~wrumwmw1lW. 1. 3.lmw!!!J. Which of the following sentences supports this statement:Theseareas attractive and useful. Gardens and benches Examples: Improve appearance Point 1: We need to make empty land attractive and useful. doesn't have enough shade.ng a landscaper woul~ be most beneficial to us. In which paragraph is there a run-on sentence? Correct it. Which of the following sentences is the thesis'statement for this essay? (A) I believe that hiri. (C) We have empty land that isn't used._!iillruiw~~~. In which sentence is there a misplaced modifier? Correct it. (0) None of the above. (C) A landscaper could plant flowers and bushes around the entrance. has ·only enough money to hire one new employee. (A) Sentence 2.REV I SIN G THE E S SAY 139 Theme: Point 3: rI I I @ Essay Organization Our community should hire a landscaper. (A) Our community could be made more (B) They could be used as parks.!!!JRwrum_!%"%'~@mmruru_mwlE ______ better Noticeablewalking paths entrance. Examples: Bike and We need a?M. 2. ~ Increase property value . . (0) None of the above. paragraph 2 (C) Sentence 2. (0) None of the above. (B) We have a sign at the entrance. (A) Paragraph 1 (B) Paragraph 2 (C) Paragraph 4 '\ 5. 1 I I I Answer the questions. (B) Everyone has been debatingwhich (C)) Our community specialty would be the best. I . 4. Which of the following sentences is the topic sentence for paragraph 4? (A) We need a more noticeable and attractive entrance to our community. paragraph 3 .

9. (A) Sentence 1. (A) be in sentence 2. (B) We don't have shade. Which sentences do not begin with a capital letter? (A) Sentence 2. the transition phrase Our next step connects which two ideas? (A) We don't have a recreation area. Which word is not spelled correctly in this essay? Correct it. paragraph. paragraph 1 (B) Sentence 5. (A) 'safe (B) beautifully (C) professional 7. Which sentence is not correctly punctuated? Correct it. (A) shadier (B) cooler (C) it will be more attractive 8. Which adjective in sentence 4.OW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY 6. paragraph 4 13. Which words provide cohesion? (A) In paragraph 1. paragraph 2 (B) Sentence 2./We don't have trees. In paragraph 5. all the time 11. paragraph 3 (C) Sentence 3. Which paragraph is not indented? (A) Paragraph 1 (B) Paragraph 2 (C) Paragraph 5 12. paragraph 1 (B) by in sente~ce 2. paragraph 4 (C) four in sentence 1. paragraph 2 (C) Sentence 2./We should hire a landscaper. (C) We need an attractive entrance. For example (C) In paragraph 4. In paragraph 3./Our neighborhood is safe. which words provide cohesion? (A) shade/shadier (B) community/landscaper (C) attractive/values 10. Since (B) In paragraph 2.3 is not parallel with the others? Correct it. paragraph 5 . Which modifier is not parallel in paragraph 5? Correct it. paragraph 4 14.140 H.

Just type in a keyword and many sources of iriformation appear instantly on the screen. they will become old very quickly. I think buying more computers is more important than buying more books. Right now. paragraph 4 Practice 9 Proof the following essay by answering the questions that follow. and often the book you want is not immediately available. Aim. to. every student needs to learn how to use computers skillfully. unlike books. / Computers are an important tool in the modern world. Computers. they will develop the computer skills that they will need in the future. If we buy more computers for our school. It takes much longer to watch iriformation in a book. They are the best tool available. all the students will have access to the latest information. Topic 167 Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Therifore. we need to have a computer for every student in the school. provide the ability to access the latest information on the Internet. Which should your school choose to buy-computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. however. so students have to learn how to use them. in this modern world. Computers also provide iriformation more quickly. (A) enough in sentence 1. paragraph (B) alot in sentence 2. You have to wait for somebody to return it or one has to order itfrom another library. and they provide it more quickly. Ifeel that purchasing computers will benifit us more than buying books. provide access up-to-date iriformation. Computers provide access to more information than books.REV I 5 I N G THE E5 5 A Y 141 1 S. on the other hand. . the books riference in our library are very outdated. Now out-of date reference material students might not know computer skills slow access to info Proposed use Internet Reason get current information Internet on the skills give every student a computer get information instantly students will learn computer find information Internet quickly on Buy Computers Our school already has books in its libraJY and it already has computers. -!f students do all their schoolwork on computers. We need computers more than we need books. Computers. paragraph 1 1 (C) get us in sentence 3. They will be able to do their work more quickly and imp011ant skills will be learned. For these reasons. If we buy new books today. Which word is not used correctly in this essay? Correct it.

they will become old very quickly. Computersneed to learn more computersquickly. 1. appear instantly on the screen . (B) It takes much longer to look up information (C) Many sources of information (D) None of the above. Which of the following sentences is the topic sentence for paragraph 2? (A) If we buy new books today. more books: -I The latest information a is on the by to find computers daily. unlike books. 4. paragraph 4 . (B) Computers provide access to more information than books. can access up-to-date (D) None of the above._ j Examples: Point 3: Point 2: Point 1: Students skills old buy computer moremodern skills. 2. (C) Computers. world. 3.FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Essay Organization. the books in our library are very outdated.return it. to the the access Books become are important in latest information. paragraph 1 (B) Sentence 2. book. (B) Right now. in a book. information in a using I Answer the questions. Which of the following more quickly. In which sentence is there a misplaced modifier? Correct it . skillfully. It takes long time Internet. (C) Every student needs to learn how to use computers (D) None of the above. Which of the follO\I\1ingsentences is the thesis statement for this essay? (A) Our school already has books in its library and it already has computers.142 HOW TO PREPARE.. instead of Computer should quickly. (A) Sentence 4. Our school provide information Theme: . (C) Paragraph 5 s." sentences supportsthis statement"Computers also provide information (A) You have to wait for somebody to.. paragraph 2 (C) Sentence 3. In which paragraph is there a sentence fragment? (A) Paragraph 1 (B) Paragraph 4 Correct it. information.

8." 13.. paragraph 1 (B) Therefore in sentence 3. paragraph 5 14.- REV I SIN G THE E S SAY 143 6. Which word provides cohesion between paragraphs 2 and 3? (A) provide 10 •. (A) However in sentence 2. paragraph 3 . important and develop 11. paragraph 4 \ (C) to in sentence 2. up-to-date and latest (8) In paragraph . paragraph 5 . Which word is not spelled correctly in this essay? Correct it. (A) Sentence 1 (8) Sentence 2 (C) Sentence 3 -. Which word is not used correctly in this essay? Correct it. In paragraph 2. the pronoun They refers to which antecedent? (A) books (8) students (C) computers - 9. Which sentence does not begin with a capital letter? (A)Sentence 2. (A) than in sentence 5. sentence 5. /Which paragraph is not indented? (A) Paragraph 1 (8) Paragraph 3 (C) Paragraph 5 12. In which sentence in paragraph 3 could parts be made parallel? Correct it. paragraph 3 (C) Sentence 2. paragraph 2 (C) watch in sentence 3. paragraph 1 (8) Sentence 3. Which words provide cohesion? (A) In paragraph 2. paragraph 1 (B) unlike in sentence 1. (A) Sentence 2 (8) Sentence 3 (C) Sentence 4 7. (8) access (C) available 3. Which sentence in paragraph 5 could parts be made parallel? Correct it. appear and return (C) In paragraph 4.

144 HOW TO PRE PAR E FOR THE TO EF L E5 5 AY Practice 10 Proof the following essay.t . Another problem that parents sometimes expect their children:S-interests to be similar to their own. Sometimes parents can't keep up with rapid social or technological changes. !f the parents enjoy sports. may limit a child:S-reedom in the name of safety.'They teach their children values. Is theresentences statement correctly? as periods Arethere structuresbegin detailscapitalparagraph? at the end of each sentence? Do there aathesis sentence fororintroduction? modifiers? Are all the l11isplaced indented?for each topic statement? or Is there conclusion? with words Are therea topic there supporting words? transitionand SPELLING letters? CLARITY punctuationmodifiers such cohesive? CONTENTrun-on AND marks each dangling PUNCTUATION sentences or sentence fragments? Are the sentencesspelled Is all paragraphsparallel? the paragraphs - Topic 2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. But what if the child prefers art. A school may want to take the children camping. They share their interests with them. especially . they may expect their child to participate on different teams. The children of today are growing up in a UXJrld different from their parents' UXJrld. They develop close emotional ties with them. but a parent may think this trip is too dangerous. Parents can be very important teachers in their children:S-lives. The type and number of errors are ident~fied. but a parent may be afraid of the child getting hurt. Not the Best Teachers Parents shape their children from the beginning of their children:S-lives. HoweueJ./ . they may fly toforce their child to love science too. A teacher may organize an educational trip to f a big city. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Use the Proofing Checklist as a guide. Proofing Checklist 2 1 ~ . For example. But what if the child prefers to read? Parents want topass on there values to their children. things change. Parents may be too close to their children emotionally. if the parents love science.

. "i. Sports vs. 4. ERROR CONTENT LOCATION and its correction. ~ I . OUrparents teach us.different races Values aof expect Theyto changeclose emotionally. its location (sentence/paragraph). All oj them are valuable Essay Organization ~ . we have many teachers in our lives. 5. but they aren't always the best teachers.have narrower views. CORRECTION 1. 3. Parents bigart Trip may be city similar interests. . our teachers teach us. Fortunately. reading Computers Camping.REV I 5 I N G THE E5 5 A Y 145 older ones. Books and newspaPers also teach tIS. . Write the error. teachers. - Examples: 3: Point 1: Science aren't always the best Friends VS. A student who loves computers may find that her parents don't understand or value the digital revolution.' . and we learnJrom our peers. A student who has Jriends oj different races at school may find that his parents .1~ ~ ~I GRAMMAR 2. Parents are imPortant teachers in our lives.

Use the concept map to help you identify the content. 8. The type and number of errors are identified. 7. .146 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY PUNCTUATION 6. SPELLING 9. Use the Proofing Checklist as a guide. Practice 11 Proof the following essay.

REV I SIN G THE E S SAY 147 Proofing Checklist CLARITY PUNCTUATION ./ Topic Is it better for children to participate in team sports or individual sports? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer./CONTENT Is there thethesis statement correctly? as periods at the end of each sentence? Do there aa misplacedand markscapital paragraph? Are all sentences sentence for for each topic statement? there supporting modifiers sentence fragments? Arethere structuresbegindetails orintroduction? modifiers? Is theresentencesAND withor each dangling conclusion? SPELLING letters? words or Are all paragraphs parallel? there run-on spelled transition words? Are the a punctuationindented? such cohesive? Is the the topic sentences paragraphs • 1 .I 5 . .

..-.. teem sp0115help children learn to be responsible'to others. 2. Team players must learn to communicate with other players to succeed that is not tme for individual sports. Team players must learn to get along with their teammates. ' Both individual and team sports emphasize competition. All the players must work together to make the team win.'" Write the error. but team sports have an added benefit They also emphasize cooperation with teammates.148 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Learning to Be a Team Player Both individual and team sports help children to improve physically. I always encourage young people to try a team sport.. the team cannot succeed. . in individual sports.mWML' It is better on children to participate for catching the ball Show social skills up and with Learn responsibility teammates Planning strategy Get your best for the team Do along awith teammates [%ml __ -~ =m__ . Finally. on the other hand.m_-. there are no teammates to interact with. Team sports teach social skills better than individual sports. in team sports. but I believe that team sports players learn skills that will make them successful and happy throughout life. Thus. Without cooperation. Essay Organization Examples: Point 1: 3: Point 2: Learn cooperation Communicate time Throwing. Cooperation is important when throwing and to catch the ball. ERROR CONTENT LOCATION and its correction. All sports teach skills important. its location (sentence/paragraph). It is also important when planning a strategy. ". Both types of sp0115help children develop social skills and a sense of responsibility. CORRECTION 1. .- . too.

5. 7. 10. .REV I 5 I N G THE E5 5 A Y 149 GRAMMAR 3. 9. PUNCTUATION 6. 8. 12. 4. 11. SPELLING 13.

t .t 1 .IDothere therun-onse-ntence fororeacheach topic modifiers?end . The type and number of errors are identified ..150 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Practice 12 Proof the following essay. Ii I . Proofing Checklist . of each sentence? ! I I I . Use the Proofing Checklist as a guide. Use the concept map to help you identify the content.I 1Is there a conclusion? 1Are all sentences statement correctly?cohesive?statement? Is there sentences spelled or Are the structures and with there transitionparallel? CLARITY thesis begin detailscapitalparagraph? at the CONTENTmisplaced indented? for dangling PUNCTUATION sentences or introduction? marks sentence fragments? Is there supporting modifiers such letters? all paragraphs words? a punctuation SPELLING words Are there a topic AND paragraphs as periods .

We learn about what our society values. they learn about what is important in other societies. students can learn a great deal about themselves. Yes to Music and Art in High School I agree that all students should be required to study art and music in high school. or when they listen to the selections in a musical program.REVISING THE ESSAY 151 Topic 125 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. .. New worlds are opened up to them. By studying art and music. They learn about similarities and differences between cultures. The process of making music or making art is a process of self-exploration. Students also explore their likes and dislikes when they choose the music they want to learn. Use specific reasons to support your answer. Art and music can teach us many things. students learn about their own culture. . Students go to museums and concerts. Studying art and music means more than drawing orplaying an instrument. about our society. By studying pictures in museums.Just as our ancestors in caves drew on the walls and made music with drums. or when they decide which subjects they want to draw. They learn about the history and lifestylesof otherplaces. students learn about other people around the world. and about the world we live in. people today use art and music to explore their emotions. Both natural forms of self-expression. They can teach us about ourselves. too. They also learn about the history of their society and how lifestylesand values have changed over time . By studying art and music from other cultures.

CORRECTION 1. . its location (sentence/par'agraph). Students learn about their society. ERROR CONTENT LOCATION and its correction. 8.152 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY Essay Organization Examples:Values . Similaritiesart and and differences cultures. PUNCTUATION 7. 5. 3. other Explore Studying Students emotions music teaches students many things. Theme: Examples: History and lifestyle plore Point and dislikes likes 2: 3: 1: A Write the error. 4. learn about themselves. GRAMMAR 2. 6.

Divide your time like this.25:00 25:00 . write. Do NOT write in the shaded areas. 1. Plan.REV I SIN G THE E S SAY 153 Free Practice Do the following on your own or in a group. and revise an essay on that topic within 30 minutes. PLAN WRITE REVISE 5 minutes 20 minutes 5 minutes o 30:00 .05:00 05:00 . Use the space on the following pages. Exchange essays with your friends and proof them following the Proofing Checklist. There are no answers provided.00:00 Topic Number: _ PLAN Concept Map Thesis Statement General Ideas Supporting Details . SELF-TEST ESSAY #4 Write on the same topic as Self-Test Essay # 1.

ICONTENT AND SPELLING ~_.I ______ Is there thetopic statementfor orsuchparagraph? a supporting indented? sentence fragments? Are there conclusion?words? or for dangling modifiers? transitionparallel? Do there thesis begindetails capital as topic statement? all paragraphsspelled correctly? letters? words with structures and marks introduction? run-on misplaced Areall sentences sentenceparagraphseach periods at the end of each sentence? punctuationmodifiers or the sentences sentences each cohesive? wrrt_""_'W_~-' __ .156 HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE TOEFL ESSAY REVISE Proofing Checklist Reread your essay. CLARITY PUNCTUATION . Use this checklist as a guide .1ffi .

Appendix MODEL ESSAYS ANSWER KEY 158 271 .

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