A List of Politically Correct Terms

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A Criminal - unsavory character A Crook - morally (ethically) challenged Abortion - Near-Life Experience Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist Alive - temporarily metabolically able. An Immigrant - a newcomer Assassination - involuntary term limitation Bald - comb-free Bald - folically independent Bald - follicularly challenged. Battle Fatigued - shellshocked Blind - optically darker Blind - photonically non-receptive Blind - visually challenged Body Odor - nondiscretionary fragrance. Broken Down Automobile - mechanically challenged Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family Bum - Displaced Homeowner Bum - Homeless Person Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining Censorship - Selective Speech Cheating - Academic Dishonesty China - Porcelain Chronically Late - Temporarily Challenged Clumsy - uniquely coordinated Commercial Fisherman - Flipper Whipper Computer Illiterate - Technologically Challenged Corpse - Permanently Static Post-Human Mass Corpse / Stiff - Metabolically Challenged Corpse / Stiff - Terminally Inconvenienced Cowardly - Challenge Challenged Cowboys - bovine control officers Crackpot - certified astrological consultant, certified crystal therapist, or certified past-life regression hypnotist Crime Rate - street activity index Dead - Actuarially Mature Dead - biologically challenged Dead - environmentally correct human Dead - living impaired Dead - metabolically challenged Dead - persons living with entropy Deaf - Visually Oriented Delicatessen - Corpse Farm Dirty Old Man - sexually focused chronologically gifted individual Dish Washer - utensil sanitizer Dishonest - Ethically disoriented. Dorm - Residence Hall Drooling Drunk Idiot - person on floor Drowning - aquatically challenged Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged Drunk - spacially perplexed Drunk / Junkie - in recovery

geological correction Fail .Meat Mercenary Ignorant .nasally gifted Lazy .domestic engineer Hunter .petroleum transfer technician Geek.motivationally dispossessed Lazy . Fat .cyclically challenged Hearing Person .kinesthetically challenged Large Nose .Animal Assassin Hunter .horizontally gifted Fat .temporarily aurally abled Homeless .Euthanasia Mercy Killing ..Second Place Loser .person of substance Fictional / Mythological .maintenance hole Mankind .Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh Handicapped .Specially Skilled Incompetent .differently organized .Paper Pirate Logger -Treeslayer Loser .Differently Weighted Fat . Handi-Capable Having PMS . Fat .residentially flexible Homelessness .Differently Abled.uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path Man-hole . Incompetent .motivationally deficient.Bambi Butcher Hunter .Self-Paced Cognitive Ability Library .sanitation engineer Gas Station Attendent .Family Disfunction Housewife .fecally plenary Gang .horizontally challenged.ontologically challenged Freshman .Mental Explorers Insane People .Emotional Rape Janitor . Person .sanitation engineer Klutz .knowledge-based nonpossessor. Human. Learning Disability .achieve a deficiency.humankind Mankind.factually unencumbered Ignorant .. Nerd.Selectively Perceptive Insult .Earthquake .People of Mass Fat .Earth Children Mercy Killing .Differently Qualified Incompetent . whatever.Putting Down/To Sleep/Out of Misery Messy .amphibian American Full of Crap .Mortgage-Free Living Housebroken .Uniquely Proficient Insane People .Youth Group Garbage Man . .Ethnically Homogenous Area Hamburger .Educational Resource Center Logger .gravitationally challenged Fat .first-year student Frog .Wood Weasel Logger .outdoor urban dwellers Homeless .socially challenged Ghetto / Barrio .

Stewardess .asylum seekers Road Kill .other aged .negative saver. Pimp-mobile / Low-rider .Sexually dysfunctional.Senior Citizens Panhandler . Paper Bag .musically delayed Too old/young .chronologically gifted Old Person / Elderly .morally handicapped Spendthrift .Tact Avoidance Runny Nose .Economically Unprepared Poor .person of region Redneck .financially inept Policeman.client of the correctional system Prostitute .Chemically inconvenienced.rustically inclined Refugees .energy-efficient Old .parasitically oppressed.Vertically Challenged Mute/Dumb .Previously Owned Prose Po' .socially misaligned Racist .Alzheimer's Victim Serial-Killer .Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist Short . Stud .Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form Rudeness .monetarily challenged Postman .romantically challenged Off .Parking enforcer Midget / Dwarf .Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.nasally gifted Senile Bag o' Bones .creatively re-dyed Steward.temporarily visually abled Slum . Policewoman .suffering from a sex addiction (female) Someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zone .Economic Oppression Zone Slut .economically marginalized Poor .differently-brained Stupid .Meter Maid . Prisoner .intellectually impaired The Elderly .vertically challenged Sighted Person .nasally disadvantaged Redneck .Person with difficult-to-meet needs.horizontally challenged Thirsty .osmotically challenged Tone Deaf .law enforcement officer Poor .constructivist feminist psychotherapy Psychopath .letter carrier Pregnant .suffering from a sex addiction (male) Stupid .genetically discriminating Really Big Nosed .flight attendant Stoned .processed tree carcass Perverted . Stained .Culturally Responsive Transportation Option Plagiarism .Gerontologically Advanced Old Person / Elderly .sex care provider Psychobabble . Shoplifter .verbally challenged Not with somebody at the moment .Little People Midget / Dwarf .Senior citizens Thin .

Recycled Books Vagrant . She does not get PMS.people of height Tree-Hugger .rhythmically challenged White Trash .caucasian culturally-disadvantaged Wife . she is overly aero soled.differently logical. Used Books . her cups runneth over. She does not shop too much. she is overly susceptible to marketing ploys.unpaid sex slave Worst .target equity group Vomiting . patriot Welfare Bum . She does not have great cleavage or a great rack.melanin-impoverished White American . She does not have sexy lips.food server War-Monger . She does not have a great butt.Too Tall .Post-Coronary Leader of the Free World Vocal Minority . She does not have big hair.Blubber Lover White .noble unconscious hero Vice President . she is accidentally over served or she becomes verbally dyslexic. She does not have big hooters.environmental activist Trees . Ugly . she is terminally attractive.Nonspecifically destinationed individual. she experiences temporary stubble reduction. she is gluteus to the maximus.Peacekeeper. She does not have a killer body. she is athletically biased. she becomes hormonally homicidal. she is collagen dependent.Oxygen Exchange Units Ugly .aesthetically challenged Ugly . She does not have a hard body. they will lose their vertical hold. She does not get drunk. Wrong . she is anatomically inflexible. She does not shave her legs. She does not hate sports on TV.least best.Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices Waiter. she is nasally . Waitress . She does not snore. Vegetable .Cosmetically different.facially challenged Unemployed .Involuntarily leisured. Politically Correct Terms For Females: Her breasts will never sag.racially challenged White Boy . her breasts are centrally located.economically disadvantaged Whaler .

she is automotively challenged. She is not cold or frigid. She is a Verbal Terminator She is not a gossip. She is not too skinny.repetitive. she is numerically superior. She is not easy. she is cosmetically oversaturated. she is horizontally accessible. He does not: Hog the blankets He is: Thermally unappreciative He is not: Unsophisticated He is: Socially malformed He does not: Eat like a pig He suffers from: Reverse bulimia He is not: A sex machine He is: Romantically automated He is not a: Male chauvinist pig He has: Swine empathy He is not: Quiet He is a: Conversational minimalist You do not: Undress him with your eyes You have a: Introspective pornographic moment He is not: Afraid of commitment He is: Monogamously challenged He does not have a: Fabulous rear end He has achieved: Buttocks perfection He is not: Stupid He suffers from: Minimal . She becomes Verbally Dyslexic She is not a bad cook. She will never gain weight. Politically Correct Terms For Males: He does not have a beer gut. she is melodramatically fixated. you request a precoital rhythmic experience. she is an abdominal overachiever. She does not work out too much. she experiences solar enhancement. She does not wear too much makeup. she is a verbal terminator. She does not: Get Drunk. You do not ask her to dance. She is not A Gossip. he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility. She is not a Perfect 10. She is not hooked on soap operas. she is microwave compatible. She is not a bad driver. she is thermally incompatible. she will become a metabolic underachiever. she is skeletally prominent. She does not sun bathe.

" You're not late. you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear." You're not shy." You don't have detention. you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome. he's merely "passing impaired." Your bedroom isn't cluttered. a student isn't lazy. it's just "closure prohibitive." These days. it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience. He's "vertically enhanced." You're not having a bad hair day. You're "conversationally ." Kids don't get grounded any more. you're just one of the "exit delayed." No one's tall anymore.cranial development He does not: Get lost all the time He discovers: Alternative destinations He is not: Balding He is in: Follicle regression You do not: Buy him a drink You initiate an: Alcohol-For-Conversation exchange He does not: Fart and belch He is: Gastronomically expressive His jeans are not: Too tight He is: Anatomically under circulated He is not a: Redneck He is a: Geneticallyrelated American You do not: Kiss him You become: Facially conjoined He is not a: Cradle robber He prefers: Generationally differential relationships He does not get: Falling down drunk He becomes: Accidentally horizontal He does not: Act like a total jerk He develops a: Case of rectal-cranial inversion He is not: Short He is: Anatomically compact He does not have a: Rich daddy He is a: Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion He does not: Constantly talk about cars He has a: Vehicular addiction He does not have a: Hot body He is: Physically combustible Politically Correct Phrases For Students: No one fails a class any more." Your homework isn't missing." You don't have smelly gym socks. They merely "hit social speed bumps. He's "energetically declined." Your locker isn't overflowing with junk. you just have a "rescheduled arrival time. you're "rationing consciousness. it's just "passage restrictive." You're not sleeping in class.

It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information." Politically Correct Terms For Cat Owners: My cat does not barf hairballs he is a floor/rug redecorator My cat does not break things she helps gravity do its job My cat does not fear dogs they are merely sprint practice tools My cat does not gobble she eats with alacrity My cat does not scratch he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator My cat does not yowl he is singing off-key My cat is not a "shedding machine" she is a hair relocation stylist My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile" she enjoys the proximity of food My cat is not a bed hog he is a mattress appreciator My cat is not a chatterbox she is advising me on what to do next My cat is not a dope addict she is catnip appreciative My cat is not a lap fungus he is bed selective My cat is not a pest she is attention deprived My cat is not a ruthless hunter she is a wildlife control expert My cat is not evil she is badness enhanced My cat is not fat he is mass enhanced My cat is not hydrophobic she has an inability to appreciate moisture My cat is not lazy he is motivationally challenged My cat is not underfoot she is leading me to my next destination (the food dish!) ." You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal." It's not called gossip any more.selective." You weren't passing notes in class. It's "digestively challenged. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations." The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. Demanding from now on her title was Ms. half of the reindeer were gone. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Joined a self-help group. How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". So Dancer and Donner." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows. nothing of fur.P. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. without much propriety. in front of the nation. So. and his wife.'Twas The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas: 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck.. and left in a whiz. Were replaced with 4 pigs. "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. why. And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life. And nothing for . His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened. Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose And had gone on Geraldo. and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh..A. And as for the gifts. Demanding millions in over-due compensation. Comet and Cupid. packed. Nothing of leather. he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion. Which meant nothing for him. Four reindeer had vanished. Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And fairy tales.. His sack was quite empty. He just could not figure out what to do next. No baseball. "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Nothing Nothing Nothing Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Everyone. to aim." . better off hidden. Something special was needed.even you. limp to the ground. Dolls were said to be sexist.they were bad for the tooth. a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. with no indecision. Every ethnicity. A gift that would satisfy. no football. Nothing to shoot. Nothing fully acceptable was to be found. Besides.. Were like Ken and Barbie. He tried to be merry. Each group of people. you've got to be careful with that word today. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. No candy or sweets.. while not yet forbidden. that clamored or made lots of noise. everywhere. every hue.. For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.her. it's price beyond worth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. disheveled. So here is that gift..someone could get hurt.. perplexed. And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. for just girls. and should be passé. every religion.. tried to be gay.. So Santa just stood there.

creed. personally fulfilling. and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year _______.Politically Correct Seasons Greetings: Christmas Thoughts Please accept with no obligation. practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice.DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTABILITY (By accepting this greeting. or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting. color.. and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish . and a fiscally successful. whichever comes first. low stress. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious. or sexual preference of the wishee. or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . gender neutral. (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere). It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others. celebration of the winter solstice holiday. socially responsible. or secular practices of your choice. with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. . age.. physical ability. choice of computer platform. and without regard to the race. non-addictive. and is void where prohibited by law. religious faith. but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year. you are accepting these terms.

) .or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

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