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by H'WTY Shearer
Ieii''''' Lewis is stlJ!mJill1Jgi01 his dressingroom :traUe~, b)~dng p e:nslveJy
~II'U:O a,

"Here comes that spot. "And ,.ve got 'ID srm~I 011 cue. I e

. . .»

comes rni !l(J:[. Seconds fro,m now hell be innoduced, and he'll h;iwe m wallk onm tile smge of his 1916 Telethon and summon (rom :i!G):m,ew'l!ieue ithin himself, the w strength 'liO mise from the American pubWk ove r r:~e next twen ty-one hu!.l!l's an CIl(!tmOus' UM of money: The rehearsals a~e over now; the red Ugh -,are on, and 'the cue cards are neatly sracked ~nhour-

He's got 10 ,cry on eee, roo, bur dlll:[ much late f. Now he walks duoug:n [he doorway of the trailer and ~noo'tiliD,e darkness beyond. \\Ie have lost

again. Th,cfc's a hPii~Or:i:cssociation on a this counliiy between being entertained and fe,e:li.lil.gguillty, as much a pan of
.merica as the F i'alll'i kllin Mint. But the

him. The picture on ~he scr'e(:IiI!mas een b swiloche-d 'K) a long shot of the Telethon stage. AlIlld that smoky, boozy. after= hones mood is gone, WQI. Tirapa n~ are bdng poru_mded,and a cameraman runs acmssthe s~gc in", kind of Grouchoesqll-l,e esouch, a portable video camera sil'tmng 011 shoulder like a earnerstone, 1,,1'0 crewmenchase after him.

connection is especially effective in the case of a disease :ror whi.d'n.rlle guih can be bought "\\'i1Y 80 easily, obody causes musculsr dysrrophy, and almose nohody gets it. "If you' rc trying to evslu3tie the d~ffeJellce.:; Pat \\ eaver says" "between a dystroph i~ cJI!ld and somei be dy who ea1liSlike a. stlllpa.d idiot and d ri aks all night and m iglu have a hearc ilItrnc:k,i['s easy For me w pick my (''aU!~C
over :I!i,is "'!:IIIlSC. ' So the J er1')'Lewis Telethon is. as, [he song, says, llliI.or,:e: l:bn just a ~ho\iV.h's a groQ,lp~po!trait~ill~.\.aUpape.f of the Las ~egas brnnC::~ of show business, :al'lD.,ed for tile occasion with :<I oorp!! of dedicated volunteers and " dozen heads- up corpo-

bY h01!l.f packages.


just a mn-

mC:!'b.t left fo[ Lewis [0 be: alnaewish himse:l r., A rnornene So special d'uu be caili1l,'~elp sllHuing if with the rest ofus. h ~n hils trajler is being projected by three saaeer-sieed electroa guns insn Eidophor project&QI) cnasole (ril'na:~ looks Hire the Adlfcnt V~dtlobeam'~ big br'other) onto sn 80-b -100 re;:n-projection screen onthe seage ohhe Ireler'lil.on, for Idle studio audience 00, sC'C. AII'Idrhc pic-wre is

So the picture of Jeri)' conrem,pl:adng,

wres[li!l!g ''''ith. yards of he a,'), bla,dk CiI= ble, The eu:J'tilre~irty-piece Lou Bro'w!'! r Owhesua isplaynng, Ed McM'ahon is reading otT the names of the guest S'Ei,US in his tone of aWmo.u ang)liYpride, the audience buests imo aJpplalise. We're g,enilng the first ~eaill:OohofTeledlo.n enj ergy, and, somewhere din e1lt: darkl'!C~s between [D.e tmi:!cr :;lind dl.e eurtaia, so is Jerry.
Ml!j,scul~r dystrophy is]tlJtiiVe~y rare 1litld 1!Isua:~lycredirrary disease of muscle h deterioration. T"\I\e-I:It:y~ni ne years ago it received as ml.lcb media ane:iildo:liI. as

being red sirnu ltanoous~\}' down rhe rui nes of Cemel, ehe Las Vegas relephene ,com.pany, to the Bell TcI.c:phol'le microwave tower on 'top of the TrOlpiama Horei, where the pictJl!u·cbegilns irs m icro-

~ti(m$. The Telethon eombiaes rhe lruyster&c9Jlmysrk:],u,c of the Strip supersmr 'witl'i. the equally hysredc9J1 despera'lion of the downtown .Ioungc act; it mixes rhe glib dismtceeet ofa TV star mr)rnrnil,g; th irty-secon d p lib I le-se rvlee 11 s~Jltwi,ththe g~ib agpny of a oome>d:~an 011 a crusade, The Tded.on is, in the
words of a McDonald's

sperred aphlds or bovine brucellosis" hen Jerry Lewis, for reasons lInkfiowlil. wave journey down the desert to Los ailld uaknowa ble, became l ~e p~brnk Ang;eiles, '~hen om across '~hecondnenr, :spok,esman for tih,e l1edgHI1S MlI~cld3lr and m Ha.UI'iIDi and Puerto Rico by sate 1- Dys'trop lily As societioa, S inee th e n lite, And even with of us Looking at Lewis had pleaded, cajoled, shamed. him, jerry Lewis ~s appearing to have a, Modg-ed,pester,etl• and clowned his ve.ry psivaee mornenr. So private ehar, \1,'a), into-the sjngl!e mos [ successful sn"",he!".! plaintive, ~i nor-key ballad ofh is nUil~,rt1lnd·:Ii:dsing ev'e:n~ in tiline a hi$tory of thoughts begins ]t seems on[y fli'lmml charity. Pushing through the alwaysdll:U his singii'l.g be pre-rerordcd. He'd crowded field of diseases, J eny Lewis I(lok 3my actually :1;]ngingto a millfror. has made mil scular dystrophy a star, "Before 'the:shm begins 'troaighl, my ''CaRf.-..erallid heart disease have go~ng

man, "a maseerpiece ofoommunicationli


eng;ilii,ecri~g~ " The filJit series of m l!JI$~UI3r dystrop.hy telethons w~da )terry Lewis came ~o an end in 1959.. .. 1 bey had son 'Of worn themselves OIlU: " MDA executive director Bob Ross I'C{''aJlS, A telethon wllS ill reptilian surviver ornrs, Mesozoic sra, It was llwkwa.rtlly "]jve" just w,i1en v:udeetape Wall mak_:ingeventhe clu msiesr \'arie'~' show look slicker 'than Crisco in a skillet. The idea \ asrevived seven ye:llfS later when the rna !lJagei of .J ew Ufe goes flashing by. for ehem erernendous legacy tlil.~I~,g~,,'·York's Channel 5 offered Jerry Lewis amidrhcM DA a [lew ~dcrhon O:Ul O]1J.e of r (Pat) '\\~ca!l'C[ $ays,. "because of "Before the sho"" begins wlliwght, I S-}'IIrvt::~1DC 'pause. . . and sigh a sigh. eich people gearing hit by 8ig C. n the tw'o slowest weekends of the TV "I rum. For a look iii! the mi'rror. \illeav,er has beenpresidenr of NBC, ear: between Chrlstmas and New '''And aU of a sudden you re there." Year's nay,Qr Labor nay. Glilrisrmasprcs:ildcflt of the ill-fated pay-T·· venThe solo piano backing JerEYnow .1:1100- cure that got voted oue of business in tillD_1e WQ1.dd haveinvolved "cmdiict with dtl~iltlie-S d rnmilticaJUYll:lP a key, bu~ldi ng Ciill:ufofJllilldecade ago, lind presidene of the cere oml 'p~lsy ' so---against a the tension, :moUl.ndngthe sad ness. the A:me·~ic31l ean Associari.on.lie is rhe advice o:f muse ilndl,istryhes d'n.i.u.rhey H "~ou' fe suddenly ne['lrer and nealre f. clHrend}, pwes~dent 'Of d\c tus'cll.l:ar were going ~nl'O a d,ea'th :do~-thc [Ii us'!Rcmlirndil'lg me ho\;o,I ery much ] D stroplly Associadoll. "YOlil know, big clllh~rdystrophy peop]e chose (he nlfst cafe. C:,lt1lilno, ~ep~ up, 1iJlild gmbs, Aum Lillie s MOlilday in September. thc Ian week"'Before rhe S,IitOVl' begi ns roai,gl';u, ]' m and the liIext thl ng you .kllll{)tW the money clild of su mme[" for t;~e ,car:Imspicd has, gone 'to cilncerrewishing; h\~ tlnullJ!gh., + ." "N ow," boosrs rhe MDA:s balding. cirhe FOllf homs ago. ~when he was ~ehears~ st:.areh. \iVedmll."t !:Dave bendltofrih::n Wl[-sm.o:king 'publici~t. thcimproba.b1y= ing thws opening For rhe canle~as, Jerry kind (If tIlag(;Jdiy." Lacking such a mociva'- named Horst P'etmlt "everybody wants oombed his hai.r thQi!llghrfllll'jl Uiring this tionlll hook, musctlhu dystmp.hy needed d IL-abou DillY.And we m, n if." line. Then he relaxed jU$,t a, hde and ro have' exacdy [iITlekil'JJd of show rl:ia[ m n the d~--ade ,.,iln~ech<l!t ed~Don, rhe d st~IJ:lted pl.ayflilly oomblng h is arm ph, J c:ny Le-\<'l'i5IWed~ to PQ;Ilt .. I,erry Lew:is Te~etho:n. has, had a specil>U.~ mil Bu~ now [heue's no joking i1ffiD,J nd. T~ is: It's a ,}ewI,ish-P'ur]mn spectade. You u'lalrr g~owdl curve. Berween j list 1969 should ,enjoy' [hen YOiJI should feel bad; aliJd 1'976. bmh the uumbc:r of stildorns is for ~IIthe m!llible:s.. "But like .it or nor, dll.C.1l you sholl~d give money lIJ~ed goQd on ,the "LOo\fe ,etwork" and Ithe amOull'lt



appear in (ile smalllL)'pe down below. In [976 the ]efr'il Lewis "IeletJhofllwas spem cementing the love of the "Love carried by an independent hookup of Network" staeiens by paying [bern for 2100swJtions-;)[mc)~t as, milln'\!' w~i,()i[ls s i(;lomm.e[dai s '~heywou Id have carried $ a over '[he \~rcckend., a Gl)' of the lhree oommercial networks has. T!'ae figu re 011 ehe tote hoard at J: m Then [he telephone oompany takes that Labor Day aft:'emoQn was another mmion to hook up thc stations, 521,.700,000. That fil!;ulIic 'is, ~teuens out, And more than a. quarrter of a million

of money rollccted bsve increased (enfold. Somewhere a'ilong the way, (he' words "Muscular dystropby • dill;tp~ ~liIred from the show's tide. They now

duceion house. And thar ''VaS discOl:mt. "If it were a corrtmerclal show," esdmares TAV Vega~pres.idel:lt ]\.'1aur':!' Stevens, "we' re rnlldng h,df a mil~iai!l." A !mbstandal. portion (1,( dle sauw'sc:os,t is

"'Jerry's kids" goes 'EO fl~c.dy actors. "Peo'p~,e see-$Z~ mil,l!on on dtat lOU:

board and! ,aSSUInc tha~ $21 million goes sa's the head of anorher nrganization. "That reo search claim is II ]Ol of billlofJ:c}'."At the ,'erv least. it~, luncheon meal. or rhe !'\,'fDA's MO-million-'phJii budget thi ~'ear. less t:hal'liW million wili. be spent on research-e-about the same arne unr spent by the g~)ernmenr-funded Na... ,tiona!1Insrirures of [~h:t~~th muscleun
to research," fund-raising

a p'uoj:ecdon. The [ole bcaed runs :fortyfive III inures slow, so at rhree O'd~lC:k dle
MDA people unaided bycompurers, projec't what the probable pledge total wm be by show's end. The MDA gets 113]f its y",~ar!1ry income fmill this weekend, and i.:payspl,e,nry to put the show on. Justoveu.a mmion dol-

goes to Theater Authl}li'it~, the arrn of the show-business unions tna:[ allows aetors and s~ngcrsOClappear widaou;JI[ ptI.y on benefits and telethons wh leh beas ies ;:l'p. pnfv~d..The mai 1'1 erieeria ~O[ [hat :;J!p. proval are dllatr,el'etnolls be spared at
[e35'10\1'0 months apan,~l)

disease research. A]mo'st half of tile .MOA's mmlcywi!l; be spent 011 taki[][g caee of 'the 135.,000 people who ahead)'
havethe disease,

avoid drying

upthe welt and that no more rha!ll 'Onerhird of dlJe eake go fur fund·rais'ing lars is budgeted fur direct telethon costs, i'nilcludi 'Ig.$] 50, 000 to pay for the Irnghts, eosts, l ueh Oihh~Theeter AlI~hodty asI
~sm,eJilt ends up in the - I~OtiQIl Picture

Uke all major chariries, ' Iuseular by tWO' natiul'l1l1 wat:chdu)g oii'g3niZ4It.DoflS,. Council of Th:c ncm~r Busimcss B lIreaus in \r'/ash]ll:gr,o,ll has no comlpla~nl~~.But the National 111.funaation Bureae i.1l I ew York puts
IJ}'. [mph.)\,is scrutinized

crew, cameras, rnicmphnnes, end cont1td vans of Traas American Video. the

one percent

so ~Ilat siigJu:ly more than
ofthe money donated ro

Veg;a~ branch ofa Hollywood TV pro-

meering one {If mor-e (l'f t~s standards (a~oll!gwhh rhe Big B,rothe]';liof America,

MDA on its list: of organizations



Seals, andthe Cousreau Fouadation), The NIB has been crilti(;al of some of Muscular Dystrophy's bookkeeping" and it d i~,pPrQv'cs of [he frequent use gf £ir-emen in uni[o~m as, a flLlnd~mis,ing eeehnique, Tile ~neernarienal A~$Qdilltil)OQfFire Fighters is deeply involved
WIl the Telethon--ol'lly on Labor Day eould you ge't unions ~obe sponsor$-So uniformed firemen are all aver Vegas with collection. cans bearilngJerry's, face,


J ude's

Rese arch Hospits I. E aster

environs of the airport m the fringe ~)f

downtown. Del Webb's Horel. Sahara is, l:n,e clesesr major Strip hotel to dOoU''I'IW\"I'n.which in Vegas is not necessarily an advaRta,ge. ~talso boasts the smallest marquee of the b:llg~t.imcho:re:k B lit 0:1'1.
La be r Oay weekend the rnarq u e:e is

lO1!.u,l1g.e, servesas the comrnaadcente r
for the Telerhon until just before showrime, Pieces of the show-ro-be are spread Qu t (l:1I meta I lab les: graphics canis disp~ilIyiing the trsdema rks of spensorapl les of mimeographed

script pages, boxes, of videotape labelled]
"Peggy Lee Insen Materia]," "Lola F~b,na Picch," "Mary Tyl.,ei' !\~[oore-rape from 35mm/' "Torie Fields Tribute." ~I) the far corner of [he room is ill horseshoe fu:rm,;ui(l:Jl1of mC:I;<i'11I;<ihks faei ng <lCU nl~ ~ng aruy of corkboards on easels, Pushplaned EO [he easels, on eolorcodc:d thlC'C~by-fivc'c<lnb, iUIIl irtnu[-byhour breakdown of The Shaw. ·'1 come back. eo do ebis sho'w everv

and [be MBA even instrucrs ]01::<11 stations to have some IJn~fmmed firemen ans"WCril:lg phoH-C$ g:1iI. earners. Tbar, aecoming 'W the Naeional Information Buresu, is U f1fair use of the taxlXlyers,"red
suspenders, Like a, specialized company branchi!llg gut iruo IiICW markem:s rhe Muscular Dystrophy Association has adso expanded its j 1IIrdsd:uct&on ,illu::]udeother to di8Ca~es. such as rnlyasrhenia gravis. But

dwarf;e-d by a billboard sining on the asphah ill rile end of the valet pan:king area .in f]lom 'Of the m.ahil ,etmance" Yellow Stairs on a fie Id ofeed, and un [he midd le Qhh,c biJ~board [erry Lewis looking pensive in clown m~kelilp-no e:ilsy fear --and the slogan of this, year's Telethon,
eomplimenrs of Gention and Bowles:

to [he MG people it feels more like takeOller dian merger. "I ,got bombarded by ou~ local chapters saying diat M uscu lar Dcys,ttrophy people hav,e been demanding [he~r p:a!den~lisno," an offichd of 'the Myasthictlja Gravis Foundacicn com-

"The Greatest Sra r Show Un der the 8111.n,," Saha:m, whc'rc Lewis is just The wrapping up an engagement i!il ehe Congo. Room. is Telethon headquarters, Srnait circular cardboard r,eplicas of ehe biUlooard clown-fare are plastered on the cas~no l'I"idlsaUweekend. r,cmo nd lag the gamblers lirtal there is a, less enjoY<l!ble way to spend their m,oney" Directly up an escalator from the poker tables and do[lar slots is the Space

year because it"sli ke f<1m]I'j'~" assistsays alllt director Go'!'y Hoffman. One family
it's verv much llike is the Anhur Forrest

fami~ Artie F 0 nest produces and d irecrs the Telerhna; his wife h.·faoc'll" is tile mlen[ ~oordi.naoo:l'; his SOI'l Richard, is the associate producer; and his daughter Nicole .islisted on the cred its (along w~th all of Jerry Lc:wis's sons except Gary) as a


plains, "This is like a g,iant taking over a mid,gcl;, you know what I mean]" There is alse a simme~Dng dispute between MID)end Muleiple Sclerosis ov,e:rwho has die dcor-m-door s.o]iciw,tioll1rigihrsm rhe month of junc.

But door-to-door is jlLlS[ back-burner stuff for [he MDA. To. see what's really

'rn,ooe America care sbour museu IlI'fdys~
u'ophy~ you IUJ\'e eo gOlO Las Veg/'LS just

before labor Day.

The welcome at McCanall

dQnal Ai rport (buwh ~n ] 972, and named af~er t]l;C Senate 1lill'tttmr a famous aneiim:migrndon law ofrhe Fifties)' is d isti no-




tively Vegas. Even before you getto see slot machines. yoOli get to hear eelebrides. After all, th is is (,h,e town the sears o bui'I[--'\!I'ith a litrle h,c'lp fm.m the Centrol overrhe sheers u)iwlJll. ut the .ninkIe-s). Pl,iltt!['lgon.!'I live nerwork-quallry varlSUtcS Teamsters Pension Fund. SO' every ten seconds, as the side- et:)' show from ill hotel is the b~ggc5t job w;1!lktrundles a[ollig frcm the passe,nger of the year for bury Stevens and T~nli' American Vidoo, and since they started gates to baggage dai'm. a pre-recorded '[0 celebrity counsels C3mIol:i. "Please Ilo:!d workIng for §t:u",p' when he fi1lO'\l'~d Ve~ rhe handrai], hey, heF, HEY!"., Bin gail i~. l 971, i,t has been ve'r)' dfoctivc; Co~by ydls iii h is,Fat Albert voice from a adverti sing "We do a]~ of the GJi ffin shows up here," Malii)' says, "all. tie hole in the ceiling, Pause, A trumpet blows" ... arge]" and Doc Severiascn Binall shows, Lets M.alre A Deal, we do h mtroduees himself and says, "He')!; :illl those shows, We do n~ncty-cight 'periple:ll;sestand on ~he righ,t and 'fla~$on [he ,oent of anything dun e.m-anates from Las 'left." Must have been wearmng some,., Vegas." Room E.leven ofrhe Space Ce~ler,dj~ lh~ngwi]d[he day he cut dm n:ack" a The La.'j Vegas StrIP .r~ohe .... rom [he Jecdy 3cro-S$ corridQr from the dcalc~' f

up j11l(;O liede rooms or 0 pen s mro b]g ones, as the occasion demands, Most of the Space Cence r is being ",-aIled off and rigge:-d up as the Telethon studio=-a projeet ,enranling the srri ngi~ of mUes of cable dmnlgh raise C1(;:mllg, the placement of hu ndeeds of mi kesand Jrnghts, and the hangi ng ofwall-slse sheets of reflective silver ~Vlylar panels behind the audience section (a blow-dryer is HI!"!



conveneien fad liry~haJ[d i'i'ides

production assisteru; Nicole Fonesr is sixreen menehs old. Amie and his wifO-<1 t<ill,sleek, wellsprayed ex-model-c-are juggling chose three-by-five cards, Tile pea-green ones represent pre-saped pitches ("I [I, I'm Mary Ty!er MO()Jie. "ron't you help?"), wiilid'l are scheduled with grea~est frequency during the slow hcurs-s-Hcurs ]Or dl.ffiugn 14,. 3 to 8 a .. n, egss time r --a'~ong with Jim my Dee, [he m Ilskal

ambassaco:r of GUI,am,lind a caed which reads "Lounge Act." There is p:lcmy of shu fili ng of thecoral cardsthat fill what arc known asthe "Il.eav talent" slots: Cooro had (;0 go ~o the f~neJaI (If Many Allen's wiFe, so Lainie Kazan replaces her, Oa,ry H'Offm<l1ll tells Anie, " . ~:H'!,.'.illl Haml isell's,mother got sick in ~ pri me-rime SPOt." A wh ire card is

whcre." "We j list gut the Mil)ishey!!:v Danoers:; allmher assistant annollfloes, halil.d over p,hone. Au-tie gets on hjs

scotch-taped to the wan behind Anie: "Abbe Lane [0 be inserted SOIJl'e-

walkie-talkie to spread rhal[ news as the card is pushpirmed into Diorme Warrw'ck's 0 d slot. He calls them rhe Mo:isheyev Dancers, [00 ... Cau ld be (:~,e[roupe froM. BfOO.k:lyn,


the C~rnno. They passed thooQ.Wgkthe
dereceor ag3ili'lif [hey hadro go m the

Lewis's. concedes.

The eonveaeicnal

batbroom. Anieplays b"n1ba~11. Not only doeshe share the most ROO·
rile side of Lewis's sense of humor

Hollvwood wisdom has been t;lilJar. Mus,cul:!!iDystrophy was. Jerry's atonement

a eareer bu~h on lampoon]l'Ig spastics,

Artie F ouest is a well-tanaed, mid(lIe:rry;a friend Qf his S<J!YS,. ]ike$ ~o.$ay dle-sged man wieh t"~g~tcuds of gii'ay th!wngs like "Shutup, fuckfaee" facebair, He wears. [he air of ahard-boiled tiQU!sly_°'1() us who know him and love ew Yorkc[ as distinctly as Seererariat him, it's a bit"), FQl!"Jc~'talso shares wears the markings oh horse. He's gm Jerry's distrusw:heportern. "I'm not parthe :perfect merebclism for rh is kiD'lldof dCQ,lladi' fund of the press," Artie tens show, Arid the perfecr sense of humor, me. "They ncver fiad all)l"thi ng goo'" Wh en he's .i n a go odmo od, he says aboue aJflYbod'¥. .A lot of the.m aee just out [hmnw; Uke. 'Ar!e you still here] Throw to killI J eni)'. F uek J erry Lewis, that's rile him Out of here," Friday afremoon pre- name of that W1me. I ViC seen it plenlty of ceding rhe Telethon, he's IlIO[ dinsuch a nrnes, goodl.rn:KiOd. "h's geuing hectic," says an Ferrese also shaees Lewis's easee :For aide, "and Al1ic'1l real ~"CJ'lll~tWvC. So he'd ebscuring the inv<I)lvcmem: iln muscular like yot! to leave." dys~mphy with an Simaof mystery. Anie It was Arde's idea, rhe aide tells me, refers m a seriou illness in his chiJd.:
.' 'J' -

to ring the Tde~h(lnw]th

alrnosc as

~OO,'t"ii:lJI;,~e gl,llYS aft: Oul [hcre ~u(llk. l!~e ifig good, YOll know, whire uniforms, noeearrying guns Of anything. And fi)()dr" he adds, hel.plng himself IO aaother plateful fmm the Telechen commisstlJry,"I ann'[ never eaten I:ike [hts." was ~xp.iaJi [Ii ng [he elaborate securiry ar- hood, w~i,C:!Ji not IvlD, but which in~l) rangemeats, Anie teld me late r tha t c~ilileslJlJim. W))IIiU.fO"pay back"fOr surviving lewis silRp~y will not answer the "'J erry was threatened three rimes. Phone call to the p(l~iC'Cdeparnnent, w question most often asked him: "\\ hy the Saham, to our offioe. the Teo do you de it?" Bve:rymie Olfb the Tielerhon, during the Telethon, snd ,afrer ledum staff ag~ees ·that '~he secrecy extilite Telerhon." The day·shift sergeant at tends even ~o the: other haJlr O'f Lewis's IOflg mauiaJge." nt even Pa:uti knows," \legall Metro Police &ays his deparrment received no rbreaes aimed a.[ Ierr they say. None of the six Lewis chwldren Lewis. Sahara se>cQJri~vays one &id, s is dystf(l'phic, "Why would ou even wU!iine th[eat ,\':ilISphoned ]nlOthe h<rwl want to know why he does it?" ~sArtie:'s l'Iealf m.e· sJm.ow's ,eml, and, in respo'n!lcSe, thiought on ~he ]1JJi'L:at~·er. (Wou IdlJll't tJ;,\IIo olioemen esoorted Le'IJL'is b1l:ck to P'atti?) But alii MDA press release cheerp his mom ....But the F oUliless Te]ethon ~I)Inotes "jC.lT), hali promised to [Caonccll[ \'i'aS decided iJI'i da.ysea.rl Ie!',and \'e{l] his secrer w.liten a cme for rTIl.lscu]al: oudinoo in a se~urdty memo ..The ·proce· dysnophy is foond." The Jnor,e you d1Llfe idled for :m,embe:usolhhe i!ud ience give, tliLe sooner you 'n know. c mpass rh rough a M.e:tal dereCiIDr iu[he "I~ does .1.ilIve somc'tthing 'ID dQ widl entlanC~ ~l} the Spaoe Celluer immcdii· oerolilfi .. • auacks[ha:[ were made on :!!tely upon getting off the escalator from him eady in his ca.recr," <Ii frkndl (if

~"ShO'\,,'the tlag and the ~muform.:IS muC:!ID as possible, that's the (:rip," 88.)lS. one: of the Naval reservists dO~l'l!g Telethon duty. "You know, show 'em where their t3!X dollarsere goo n'. lit's pretlt.)' effective,

raueh secu ri ty as surrounded the Pauy Hea:D'S(trial, "I ilLere is. fiJrs;[ f all, rile seo curity fQi'OC of the S"har.l- These gendemen wearue pins fashioned in the' shape Q,f mlniature handcuffs aad pisrels. There is Carex, a prirv:alc scculI"i~ force WhOiSe m.em.bers a'rre described by a nooCa rex gu ard as "dodo es." They are working thi rty-honr sh ift.5 th isweekend. No rdief. And there is the a.vy. As long as Ican remember, m.·eTele Elmll has had saikn'$ ilii. dr¢li:$ .\,.:hitc.~sc!r.o:ing a'i U~~:lC·I'S.

"In the first place, :~·cwaSil'I really rnaking fUml. spastics, The norienwas aetually that of a seared, insecure kid who was t:!"~,ringohard to please. a.nd as a res sullt evc;rydling he did came out kind of spastic." BUl, yes, "He did feel motivatedto d!~somclh'ililg for spasries," Hrmnrnm, It's 3 minor poiml,t, b1lJ!t spastic behllvi,(ilris exhibited by people affl[cted with cerebral palsy, aot nHISOUb.r dysnoph,. D~'stmphj,c people don't jerk a['(Dund .craz.1Iy; [hey j Us[ sir there, "Well, j~wasn't the dis~ascso mut~!iI sit a wa.s a.,oe,rt.a~n persoa behi fld the scenes, I) peeson who served at that point as ill s,liJining light ~n his Iwfc. You migh~ say Ith3l[ Jerry lil,ad arrived aea point ..,·here he eamete reims his OWIl lUre and decided that dllc lime had come to do somerlil,iri\g biggerthan his caseer," This was· back in J 9.50, ,. hen rhe crazy kid would suddenly come 011 at the end of '[he IlanDn and lewis radio show, rig:ln af~cr d1!re~['ed~(:$, adopt [ibis .umngely · sad sesious vO'k:e>--a~1thro<aJt, !ilonose, am (Ie· taveand a. half lower t;hall the one he'd beenl!ilshlg for the past ewenry-niae .minll~'es-lO do a tea-second pitdl for '[h~$ um'hheard-of disease. A quarter of a C'C nsu 11' lares, due 1975 Telethon was bca~el"l· of Nielsen's all-tl me record QI)iIt for a eelevision audience on]y by four Suo per 801Wls, [WO Osamhons. n'o \lodd Series games. and fuur b]g movies, No kiddwng bigger thSin his carces; The ~1l!!it movie J ermy Lewis released was W:hicli Way.te the FrQm? iii. 1970. According m someone who worked on it, "The picrure was dumped, duowl:l 3iway by \\Iarner B:roo. IwoWlld h;iv,C d!on~ dl!t: mm.e t~i:lit(g,it W:ilS such a $]iI)I goddaJil1 . movie. Sec. a Jel'ry Lewis picture always had a Rom. );:01:1 knew you could probabl, ge'[ your money back. But it: also had a ceiling, A.l'ld about tlilJi;srime invesrers stalted looking mdytor things that had rheporential of going way over the tep," The: last movie jeny Lewis made 1!I.n= tilthis year, when he begen saoodng .H.ardty Working., was The Day Ihe ClOlwJ Cried ill 1972. which_ "''as m have been hi s fi[st serious picllYre, cliLe swry of a


dowl'l ]111 .colII.oetU~ation camp.h a bas never beefi~e:leased ..The fie9SOn seems ob,!jous tOmO~t observeD'S: ~fdte funny ones aten't making H'l!IJnc:y. death is III real longshm. 8m there was a ·ti me be~

fOf'c;:the je:J'ry Le'l!.'~!S C~nem3s. frn:och]sfl opem:tio'Jmhad gone b"nklUpt~h,e Oi n· em!!s w,e:e aUioma.ted theaters tha.t

and PG-rated JerI)' explained ~hat h,e \'I/(luldo't ler Clown be released unless, rd,bu'w~s COU Id gl!l.a:mm'(;-ea release paerern in which people wouldn'c have W sitthro'l1gh an X~rared U:l~l,e~ onfer :in 1:0 see the film. Lew JS now p~ays Vegas and thcar,ers in the: rQolld and dae Olympia. Theaere in Fa ri s, where be is aeclai med as a ,comic genius (UlA even bought ads in t!h.e 'ttmdestQ reprint' ehe Paris. reviews). His brief, abortive move 'wwalrd Broadway ended when his. update of the old Olsen and JohnsQn h~t He,llz,apoppir.1 bombed in Boston. And. "" he does rite Telethon" And commercials for rhe Telethon's sponsors. And he attends the OOl1ive.ntiolilS and slIi,es meetings of the Teledi,o[l's Sp<lDSOfS. And he rapes radio end TV spOts fo~ [be, stations e;arrying the 'Ielerhen. And he meets with the sration managers of the "Love erwink," and he has p,lannmng .cetings w ~t'ltisraff of the show andpeople from the I IDA. and he ~ttend5 m!cdical eonpocrures,-when




~he o~d cmz'l~kid carieam rc @f J eny Oim! the back, ha_ swept th'rO!l!I,ghrhe SpaC"e Center during the afternoon, E veryQne fJom cameramen to C3'rpen'rers bas takclil time outto slip o,ffhis own shiFt and srnip on Jerry's .. Room Eleven is now occupied by releph.oHeS; adding,mach~nell, a Crel of tabulaeors, andFred Schaefer-the .Mastel'T;I'bu]!a~or,.Eseh of fred's people is responsible for ,eamng up local statioll'ls ill! a panlicu lair area of the ,cm.H'IIEryand undiilrg QU't the larest figurcs (lfil the local rote boams" These num,bers, are due raw mare:riaWf(lor Ithe dollars displa.yed on the Te~e:thon. The system of putdlilg numbees on d~e tote bmud is a secret dH'l[ MOA fleld direetcr Jerry Weinberg glA~Ud5 dO;~eI]1. \i\ hen I ask hi~m 100 ex=

eussive seripr ilIlways usedfarrheIogcs

lim. he Green Room, Jerry's perw~al r m,"~ss"llge 0 the stars has beenlllll,Jllg over 0 the doorway Illead in.g [0 the stage. "Through this doer," :itsays III [he fancy


. one of rhe greatest show people are here .et, bur the room is alliread'1a ~1i"a sh \",'i~htaxes and black g,ownsin' a town \\\'irleliethc safliri jacket iseonsidcscd formal. weali'. "In pan }f,cal'S.pecple ill! the
Green R,oom. wore very 'ca;.'iua'il cloriles," sene them: a letter saying. 'Go to your dC).~t and sa.y I'm going ~Q meet Fmnk

hotels, "pass the Greatest Show People in the \VorM. THANKS. }erry.'"

MOlrcy F (I rres [ expl.<l!i]fJ,S,. "This


yea:r I

l-aughs". i'1'ha.t," he says, ..~s serneth ilil.g our ro'mlpetiw.ts have tried to ~!e;arJII.ror yeats." f'...Q.m.peti~ors?In the free malrketplace of diseases, .M1Jl.sculaluDys~rop:hty doesn't tell Gim.bel's. . A 8maWI attalion of a.val reservists, b Kansas jla,yJaawk ehccrleaders '(c8:1'l'ying re d -Sind-w hit.(: PQm PQm supplied by like: Cheedeade:r Supply COmlpany, Da~las. 'Texas),and young glllliyS and gals
decked utllin br~ght ca:l'm.i.l:lc

pbin ~t, he stales at me for a momenc, dU;:I1L he looks a,~ou n d th e rc O:ID and

Sinaua. How do I wane 11;00 look?' .. The closers aiPPllIrelllttAyil1~wered in unison': a "GOorent so.merh:ing.,u SIx o'Clock approaches. Jerry's in his

McDonald's blazers. are assay I.ring lh,c buffet in [1IIeooolmisnry .. Before the \9!reek--endis 'Olver,d'oe Salham's OO:lltribu~ The mo-st 5~U re area of the Space wm amount to Center is a.ponitiOillr,,'.(I-off'mooliIe tlhc rioa ~o the Telethon to 6,'000 eggs, 4,1100 pieces of chi,ckien, and left of the bandstand backstage. Parsed 40,1000 cups of coffee, Smmng dOi\\I'IIi'i on in here are two ~railers; a box)' mobUe d home w~rh.a dozen tllXt,;does hangillig on aIDI 'llis eating is, a friend Iy Ierrv-faee cadearn re ,011 a banner tha.t hu ng in 7-11 a rack-Je.ny's plsce=-and rounder, steres all summer I,ong. Ne}t'l;'to the face, sleeker vehicle with srnoked-glasswindQws" ~Q:r F:ml'llk Sim!Ltu. A v,"aggish crew bi,g red-flind-wh~te leners say "Le't Jerl)l member keeps sneakiH,g in and stick:ing Lewis Keep ['h.eCha!lllge F(lli H~5 Kids." a smaU halild-]etW~d sign on diI,efr()n~ of "J,erry's kids" is. one of [he main themes of the Tb[etbOin. . ,cwis assumes symthe singer's frailer. It says "Deluxe Wililadag'Q'." Semeene else keeps mking bollc pa~emitj;, over everyone from rille hdown. po5~ef gjd w midd le-aged Bub s.'mpson" a. wheeh:!DJa~ilr.baund '!'ice' p~esidem -of . The videota1pe b!}xc~, a.n;deaselboards . nired AirIWnes. The pesrer muse be have been m.ovoo out of Room. Eleeen hangi ng in dli:e oom'l']i'iis&s.ry f·or mm;de by Sunday afternoon. Central of rhe Telethon has meved to ehe Tsans Ameri- pu rposes; the buffer's free. can Vidco V;1!f'I parked in the rear of the Downscairs ~bc audlenee mine ha,s Space Ge:nter. The van ~s off liMits ro starred ILO fonn, snakin:g 'back: from the p:n;:lJS, per Strict orders from Artie For- escalator in the Casino. out past the rest. S'tand i!'!g ill fron t 'of the van is a. seven-card-stud tables. through rhe side d(lo,r:, and down SaHara BOUilevard fer green bosrd, on crew jokes, abour Forrest hase been chalked end on which abouif; ha'if a block" Upstaies, in~hc hill1s,erious memoes have been scolEcb- way that runs rhcJengrh of tlhe Spaoe '[l1Iped. '''01:1 Sund;1!y," one [-cads, "Te~ Cenmr sepam:~in:g the studio fW®l ahoJethon shl,as will be i5sucd~0 all person- 'tel kitdilCII!i, l\I[,ex~call teenag'ers a~e neil workilllg dtlJring Ithe a~ring of I[tie t;e= opem i!lllg caJdoo~ro CilJi'~ons and calliYrung lethon. !lese muse be ,,'orn.'" Sur,e pia dc 7.Up ,oolJection bucke~ iR~O dl,e cnoiLiIgh. wave of dark blue sh~l!l:8, ~ltlIfi al1!d~cfi"Oe sealffi. a W

chews our (be, doceoss for !lO't yet finding acme. "Jerry spends so mueh of'the year 011 Muscular DYSiCrophy/' says h~~manager, JoOe Stabi]e, "that he's IiIOt m m an d 1. V p roj eets IiJ::e he should be doing." That's one way of P!:II;ting it,



by the MDA and

uaUe r preparing [0 look pensive ,I . nlfQ(!"ffi.s are everywhere you look. A squad o:fgj rl gu~des strides llOwa'ro the ]i ned-up audience, listenil1g on rile run to some last-mimne advice f~om dleir leaden "¥ou"re nor covered bvinS'I!lmnce in here, so don't lrip." On '~hestairwa",·o'f the eonrrol tll"l!liCk,Anic is malting a quiet speech to tile crew, "I ,.\lllint 00, d'>anlkyou for the jobs you"v,e done so far. And I just W3111!i1 ID say one more (hi ng.We 've gQ!~ the grc~tcs( sponscr in the woOr]d~the kids, \Ve'~e 01]1 here fOirthe kids, Okav. ~err'sgo.n . J crry's OUi stage now. shaking hands w,hh Artie. A voice caUs Dut over ,the p"a..• '''Ge,lildemcll., man your cameras. Pil::nrr,es, p]leil8~.''' Th~ uew gets imoO position. The al!lldience gelS qluiet. At smOo'dock by ~he Helbms tim.cI)Oere and


tote board, "the official timekeeper of dldctf}' Lewis Telethon." there are still mrolill iuu«.:s eo showti me. -rke official eloekis Iasr. Heu r Oi1le. Big opening. A sWindi.llg .ovarian when Jt:rI"Y comes .oUf and sings the fil'S[ of.8 doeenpleces of spedal rnareriahrhe M uscular DystJI'()lphy version

of ..'tot! Alrre the Sunshine of Mv Lire," big-band boesa nm's style, "Wsee the end of paifl. and strife," Jerry sings, "bue still SO much depends on you." At song'!> end heiO'troduccs Ed .t\·k [alum, 'my pussycat" and one man the audicnee srands up to applaud. The res t of the ovadon remains Hnldy seated. Aftel nine or tell seconds, Ed's f:an .gives up and sits down. ]jerry swns om the evc.:ning spcalk:ing





on rife: Tele/hon.

8urdy hl h:is brisk Iy efficient grownup voice, more [hl'Oatthan nose, a lot of !lip. and-downiafleetloos-ernore musical,

aculHl.lly. ttian his singing. And fas'!:. "I am oft·en asked about my goal .. and 'it's a 'ery., very simp:le answ··s a dollar more. I' or tJiw lasr tl'>'eRty-six yea~ I've alw3y;s~d,ed eo get a dollar more. That's IfbOt: asking much. ow JUSt [hint, 2-.00 mi!lllionAmericans, ch~pping ~n tcgerher, giving a doflar more." N ow ~l:Ievoice m~. grar·es up into the nasal pa~~;i!ge,and it gets .toud. Je ny's here. "Two IUUldt-ed and nwmty rl.JUlianAmeri(xmsjllr a tlolla'''? (,et

WhHe Vicki Can, .Jen,r's 'Luckv Charm:" sing,'> .in center srage, Lcw~~. stands w her Idr ilIt h]st~'nSp3rent styrcwm.eectlem, lca.Fing du'Ough the m;ed l hindeit' embossed ~n gold with the 'i!,,'ords

"Telethon 16." When Vicki begi ns 3511>.lng fOi! pl.e<lges In Spanish, J e'~ry wanders 010'<;;11' to ehe special scct&on of seaes resewed for corporntc sponsors and entertai ns them by q uacki ng orr-mil)u~i:lil gibberish Spanish. 1 ['s alt moments like Ihis-<)u when he approaches the rear-proi ection bl.O'Wtlp of }ooy Hel1Jtberto.n and assu Illes a slilCkjawed, pre-humping croucb---tha )'QI!:i can seethe sm~1I spali'k .of an anarch ic comic impulse still meflt: insidderry Lewis. I~ doo8n'~ show up on caOlcm very often, because i.e conOict5 with Lee is's sense or whal~ he's supposed to be now. Wh(;:1"1 rbat mani.c Jerry does SI,][face. lrs head has been held undejihe waters of passionate humanaariarrism for so lo~g ~( ofte:1I1I comes up Fosm ing with hostility, snangcly vicious co1ward the pcopl.e and things I ewis s,tilW feels saFe -in ridicu~ing. "The chafa¢~er he p1;1yed~D1 h~$easlier p.icture,~is:a uemendol.lJs source ofpain:; says. a write!: w.ho gpt ro know Lewis during the com.ed~an's days as 'Sin adjlunct p.roi£'eosror cinema at ~hc nil'ersit:)' of of SlYluJiem CaliFornia. "He haled p~a'Ying what he calls rheidior," So, ~n his eallily fifties. Jerry Lewisis working \'Ier)' hard, ~rying his best '~I) aet like a grownup. sUPP:I'e·ssin.g thatcJ<1zy kid except for litose bcief. stall'tlingoutbursrs. TIi.(;. 'felerhoa is his dumce to prove he can be an adub in public. mlking nice to th~ men in suits fromehe big compa 1'1 ies, "We got presidents here]" hc yeillis .. If only hi~ idea. of be~ng a grownup weren't so goddaa U[!Il.CtltIOU:i·.S(i par:ronizi ng, SO f~~1 of URoof!$lCiO'lJIS flasbbacks of d.e <!du~ts,who used to gi~'ehim a hard dme. If onl he were doing rliliis ca:uicawre of a gr'Olvnup as a bir, instead of as a hfe. H' only his idea. of <iJ9i ad(!~t weren't J an Jurr.aY. "Jan Murmy is to .Jefry Lewis ••ke Schweitzer is to must peopte," says the ma:n wITh" wo~ked on Whi(-h Way rQ m,e Fronr? inwl\ Jan funay had a featured role. "To Lewis Jan - ~uimy was tJhequ~nresse:ntF~1hamld50mecomedian: a. d I gn ifed mensch of a com lc .' ' Treasure Hlmt; .Dollara Second-tha! Jan Muumy. And yet; yO'li. m.U:!itre,me:mbe~ something else ,thirough alW thi-s. The man [0$ of pia'li!f!g in pron."] erry has thisilll.CJiOOlble ~noperabl,e, p~l1Iched nervein his neck. He's hadie fo:r abo'lilf nine'l"ear.s., and i~ k,eeps RW'IliI. pawn <IS much as io twenty-fu'UJIr hours a day." The fficlfbd of T....e.Wl;S ho told me 'th]5 resembled a lor w (If people who know h iOl: ,they were perfectly willli,ngto. ~[k about Jefry Lewis. as

'!onJgas they were assured ·tllde names lvouldn'[ be QJ~cd.h.'s probably not feae, b,el' genuinely Iike snme part of Lew~ WUU"lwho by a~1 a.cC(lUrnl!ts!oas" powerful. 1>\'a1' "hooking" you ina oneof te-one drua'tion-and they don't waat W be .in theposltion tl.fpub~idy screwi ng hi•. ·'.A giver he is," says. this friend. "'He;'s very generous ,'o"ith money. He's
~vefl a\~ay thousaads in his rime. He


also thillliks moneJi' buys. frle nds," Then 'there'slhe inten;Qm. Lewis is an ~ncn;dil;de g~dget: freak.H'e has iiireed or sixteen cassette mac]ilJinc;;seaes tered a.hollt h]s Oentlluy CitY office. He reeords phone cenversariens. (A reponer,. iufonned two weeks ]Siwr t~l:n a call had been raped, pro-resmed'W J em],. "Thaf$ illegal. nA.ns,wer·ed Lewis: "Fock legal.") He usedeo own a radio starion thar he cou~d iute rrupe, at any d me, to go on the al r from his hou SIS. "H is ch i[drCI'i1are asked wk,e.ep their inrereerns on at nwgln:so he can hear deady what's go~ng on ]0 thel r I1OOm.S. I~was.his w'J/If," the f:fiend. swys half~a:polog:e[IcaUy, "ef sl'il!owing his kids rhar he loved [hem." In a 19i5telev]sJo!1 interview, ~ns.wering Tom Sll1Iyder's questft)n about ~ow he disdp~ines his kids (that is W Sa)', his chimd~el:li. Jerry recalled t.he time he admwn~stered some ccrporal plllfiishment w~el'l~year~6Id GilJry, then sent him back ~o h~$ morn ~o be eonfronred by Pan~. "Then," Jerry said. "I rumed On the meereom m hear whi,at he ..~'as gon!l1lasay m her about me. I expecred the worst, you know, nasty smff. YlOU 'know Whli he says?' He says 'Daddy's the only one in

and figure that out ...

[ille world who :re.aI~Y loves me.' Nm~t tn'

tan ,.

Aitt theend of HO'W1f One. $]64,000 is 00 the tote bQi1~d.. ooodv has mentionedilr. Thet's dgt'lrette money to]eel)' 3iild tJie MO!A.. eople these days. There p is, for the second consecutive "leal, space for c.iloub]emmi:on5 on rhe board. \\tllilo w.aJillts [,0 hear From thousands? This is t:!hetime in the: show when r'fu;e perfolJill.ers get tlm,ealPpL:al,]s~. Later on, (he b~g ovations are reserved for the money.!d person a p3rufOih~ades '~oread h~sopeni flig oopy: ,.,Stay up w' th Jerry and \\f,U'chthe stars eorae our," At T: IS we get rhc flrse of three vishs wid'! M~. and Mrs. CIO,'I!;ri'l. That's mor, what lhey're calkd,.....-thesc dramatic v'ig_netre.s. performed b)' lewi,* .aml a. L . cw 'York Oletre:ss {I,r h~s ac(~uairntalli~C>---b(!tthey :llifC pl.a.ying husband andwiIe, and they a:re bot.b 'i"i'earjngdowJiI makeup. An official. of the MBA compbins (off the [Coord; 39


Qfcorurse)'rh3[ "Those down $])ots.m8ike ~e:Jied by deeens of oompetillg messages, The Td.e~holm.Mas been diooove:red by Ilte shuddcr,," such gen~.U$¢il. There are, besidcs~becilslle:[:[',e maThe So:~,uhbll'ldCOIlP'O'.MEi.o'nis a Dalchines and docks" dosensef d.QW~ figu~i~cs lmlJenyls amce. These i50l1~o a. las company nm by Jofuln and J,erry Thompsoa, rwn ]nc.r~diMe brothers who eoler pa,jmttwng (If Lewis dressed and r of be]og on made lip as 3 hobo dow~,. There is a, r~d dQWII'I. heehallenge tlite'ac~ors'~n~Oinl!!l!Tfair~lisIForprodl1:dng black-a~d-whlrre photo of L,e:wh,~n e down maMup\'l¢a!tl.ilm.g 11 suaw ]<at The ImOnl~uffilion ommereials Si!'!d~~!I'I!trigh~ .Day '!'he C$oWn Cried-it's almos[ 8iSif ahellidto build up aehain of5,iOO' 7~n ssores, Thei r ~d\'erd&i~ manager sllIghe's rdc<l!:.>i.lm.g p]cturoe in installrhat geseedan i!mvo]vemellJJ[ \-\!~ththe Telemems, a minute alta dm,e, ill these silent down vlg~e'[Jres. Each yearllc tapes a thon. 90 last year J eny ano Afltie F O~.~~t :~cw one, 8iSwen as re-tu I'Ill'ing the p!r,e. flew down ~o make a p'r,esenmdon. As An~.ereeslls tie meeting, it wa~a wpical viaus episodes; stri.nging them out rrhmugh [Jhe- e-.ledtoin. mtis, like wareMllg caseQf peop~¢ bei fig "hooked" by Je,uy. T "I swca[ to you acil s.i~ here now"TIju~n.a \'e]verpili ndllgs come to. ]wfe. Ani.e hilS the table for em.phasi$- "and I Clown SpQt (# 1: Mr. and M [S,. O.OWWl are just siujng, s.ik:l'ldy, when II ha\l'e <'I! ~tn of i.nregriry, I real]y d~t'he:r>e caM.llal Jejj'f)' Lewis voice comes Olli! tih,e were t:eilfS aI1;the~nd of his speech like sou ndu:3ick and <lIamoll isilles the. for yQfl.1 never saw before ..Thepresidell'U;t OJ tihe c-hajn~:a!l!er both of them-I ]O'JgcIl; rio[ watching eelevi sion. "Do n' r you say, ''Wh8J['' klflQw tmc: Jerry Lewis Telethon is Q:I1.?" who it Vll"as'"---om.ddjuscabour evet you wam (;0 do we'rewith yQ~ •. ' M I: Clown shskes his head repentalnuiy THl'SabouIIi: an ~hey 001!1i.d g,e:tout. And arid [Urns on ehe set-j ust ~n time ro hear a sober JeFfY Lewis voiee recidng II p'iOC::~ I'm flOt kiddliUll,g, I'm t,dkung nowabout fQ(m.oney Q:Il. the show. Whe;[1JeHy-oll~ bigh,.~evel corpo.ration executives w~o tilLe-tube s<ays go rethe phone and ma.l';je we never see <lind we never meet. a p~.edge. Jerry"'~he-C]own si]endy (:(j'm· They're ~he power k~iI1!d when you go pl~e8, casting a po'igrl1lmu~.y seasitive gaze ]0 w pnck upa Ilul.e piece of cake. And T at Mrs, Clm'VlJI nd thoug~.tlflllily p9ICtiug ~he~ea:rs were u!l!belliev8Jb~e. he advera booorne: a l1e:l' You see, she's "" . pfieg!1lOlJn~. rrisingrnanag:e.r since then Bllia:. Got a dow!'! in t~C ovel1. Fade m bku::k.. vtry dear pe:rso~.8i~frie nd of m~ne, of More- V]decOt3(pe. jerry's go!: an nue- JerrY's. II:I1J.e3n, He can't walk in and S'llY take reel, si[lIff~ha.1l: was jll!st too ]or)$c, hdoro Je;rryw.ithout cryi n.,@;"'" h's the re:l'l.der [.!I'ap. Th.ey"re hooked goofY. off·dflC·';V'J.IWm be ]e:ftin the prem.otim:u.da~ neuaceruems for ~he show. and they love it SQ pOlJrnriing by jeny's The ou [""rn.kieeel is neck-and-neck wi~h styrenepodilJ!m in rapid suceession are r M tile roast fur hcnors a.srop shO"W~b~sin¢!l$ repFesema.ri.lI'esofAII'th1JJlf urmy Dance bore. Both or dllcrn were p:robabl<yenser- Sllu.diQ~. ehc Bn.ll'l$wick CO~PQ~s"ti.ollll. mi ning, baek when they we!!¢ sti ll back- eh e Schick S8ife~y R.ilzor d iv isiori of Pharamaeeueieals, st<!g~ vldg<lrri~1rit:l)Ii.llls,before tihey were \Vaniler~LillmbeH cleened up for the heme :lIlUdi.enoe. On ReYM~d5AI~minllm, the RoUe:!' S[1;;at],ng ~e reel he shows on tihe Tek~homl, you Rink Operaeors' Association, Hickory get 00 SClC lIerry brea king h imself and F a~ms smoked mears, and tfule othc~ people up .• 01"1~he reel ~e !,and CQrp!JradQn. E ~cb of r.l'le$e Wi ffilS screened i]1[ d.e Hmtrol tmck ]u.!"his S!iI]1 (:.dong with i-Up, Sam lee, Olympia Ga.ry d'l¢ day before [Jhe show, he die a Bee]', Mcnolm.a~.d·s, a.nd G]e-mby mliJJ~ pro.m.o 3r. ~na[ffi whlh 9. fall:lady fro. t¢rooliQrrLal Beauit)' S<lil(.ms} ,as promised Channel 8 in Hono]ulll, SI!:ldoonduded w diel]ve:r at leas~ $100.,000 w MDA. As ~tby ycl]i ng, ··\Va.rehthe show and ~U~ 'lOlli, mighrc irnag~lle. t:.fuJe' more th.ey, ~hc more ex(:!@siU.fC..$ ger on~he Tel dilej' hUll ka nook y." h gOl s,creams in the
w rn

first ]]l3~i(m.3]sponso rwhc~the show (lu~grcw New York and a leeal hamburger chai~, and MdJol1aM's rema,in;s one of the heftiest!"ibuI;(J.fS" COIm~ B'}' trasr, Glemby beau t'Y S3~On$ a nnu,,]~y just make tihdr $100.,000 p~!edgeand get 011]'1 'M"O spom du ri rligthe show. CQ:I'IIsidi. ering wha.~,oonm.merclal mi runes 3]">e selliogfor in, say,. this ye~r's Supeu now~, .if'S a.bargain. Baeh spon$@[ has de-vised aprommion tn generase lhe mone-'Y it w]U "eoncrib-


Mee:t the sponSQ]S. A p]il1~oonof cor;. po.mrlon execlltives dutifully ~it.~~n t:~e sponsors' $ecr~.Qn umJ]1 assismn~ diro~Wli Gllry Huffm ..:n waves chern llip m the mi· crnpho~e fOf the fi rr.t of rllei raJUo[:~ed mrunll~es wil[h J,erry:, The L¢w]$Tde~ tiho~ pio~"cerQd i.n signing up com.merci:al s'PQnsoJs fora fUjLmld~~aJi$]~g eve,nt 'Jhc!8iy's 3dve[lds~ng genius lc$ti:te medta main w~.ofinds, a, new mcdium, u!!1ch.u ..

eth.oJll. So e~.e:vell [~.mesdu ring t:he sllio\lIj.', "SIJ!· pc~k:ids" fro'.m McDo.l1J;l!i.d1s pair MP, plLU clw:j~cannine bla:l~:!".s. <lind repoin til je:l'ry. T~e'Y srnnd beside a map or ~he


U nlred S~aJres d,oned wjd:l aJ ooup]e of d{y~n ~iuk golden an:::rncs. ASlI'I'I.oney .is uepo:u~ed for 9, p1iuticula[ regwo n, th.u ~egion's SiKh rnighrs up. The kids condudK;; each segmen~ with l:~C $ilM.e up· be-all:]ille: "Je[',ry. ~here's much morettJi come." McDQfla~d~ was (JliI.e Te]ethon's

hss "the tri ple-edge blade concepr"; Seven Up~as "Do Your Own Thing," Arthur Munay HIt!S d"l'I~e·a-th.onh~' the skatsug rinks hold skare-a-rhens;!'lswkk is poom!Otlng hQw~.a-d:lOns; the beau~ salons havc cut-a-thens .. A rn:an ln .fulisea.rl.y n:venties nervously reprc...'iir;:!"!It! t!he Mdvil'll Simon and As~oci~ ng ates sho'ppiflg malls I:t;p<J'mti;!iC pi~eds f1\Qm~be G.iant Money SUde and the TOO(lt Machine Ride set up ar a. new shoppiWIg m_all if! Iwing. Tc:.lo!.as. ".M! [ISCU lar Dystrophy is one of QIlJI[ rep pr.ioddes," says aJl1exeeudee with, McDonald's p~lb]ic-f(;:b~io~s fiFm.' la Chkllg9.'IO:u.t or e-.ight W 'menpoolpk o,~ rhe McDollJald's acccunt, semebody .in Oll!~ office is doing something For M D every day of' t]i),e: ea~." T.he hamburger y firm spends h~nd~eds of t:~ousands dollars c:l"eall:i MD.or]ef!'~ed ..d!v{::rtris~ [Ig ing mameria]s., bll~the decision ro parricipate inrhe slflow i$~ei\r to thee fm:nchise O"\!''''~(;H.s.An e.x ecucive a:t the ad agency fo:rr~he C8iiifomia. McDonald 's fmnd~isees' "$;.~Ici;>ltioil1 $~ys. "It is $t~f1gly :recommended Il:hillt e be involved\\·i:th tilil.t;; w Telethon." She giggiesaJfre~sa.'1fi.flg "recommended ... The-:rre is geaeral agreernene ,th1!t McDofl3~ds~s1il.'r s:ining ona pile of IJ fIs.oLdP!llt:~CSbecause of thiis in\l{ll\lemJe[lf. "rve gm no reseafCh on tiltis, i,rs just gUE~~,ei\l'e~.,[h.e p. r. e%ecmive cSJuti.o!ns, >, "~t~O ~he ej{~c:n[ t'i;I!OlJt replaces this cffu'w'i. i~ effect 011 COn8Umenl is jlus;t.11$ :pos.i tive as .if they we re seei ng a. McDonald's commerci1l!l. ¥Oi.JJl'l:nolVo', pc:opLe don't ~ind fedi!l!g goudabout cOlponu:ions. And where~he product nd d\teprcoc choice are s:imi]aJ(, pOQP~e w~11 i!l!t1u6nced by--allJd I haw w use be this wo:rrclL---theirn3ge- of ~he wmpaIllY;" W:h.e~ [!he ques~iol:l comes down ~o B~ .fVlii:c o]'\iVIhQPp¢f. JerrY's kids can swing the undecided's. TlTh.i s year~ be DO rpo.m ~.e: sponsors passed along, over U m~mr.)!n to~he 1""eI~ edu.oJ:Ji. They spent an Sidcli:tiotnal $5 milJionpmmov]ng t;he' sho·w.. Most them

ute ", [worn ]~S easmmers. MdJonil]d's has "1Iarg.efri{;..<;or sm .. n fde.s". Sch~ck f



chose muse

Jen)' Lewis's 5crv~ces in r:1rnat aclv,erds.lng .. Je:n:y Salng fo~ i ·11 on

TV. he praised Hicko~y Fanus, beef s:tioks on the .fil1Idio; be posed wieh posreiig~rl Lisa Calgle for 1~' P bill.boards. And for ReynoM~ AllIm:an'lim. Jen), the Clown mimed his reactions to the offscreen 'i'oice of~e rry-the·A.1fu'IOU'llJ;oer explain~ng hOl ..' to help crippled lidds by 'turl1lingin e.rn.pty cams.

(-IlO'l!l.f Three. ~['$ almost midli1 igiu iill. ernor; "';!i!hefl YQQ,] carne downto see. us, t~.e Bas,rrnow" and J e!:.!),is cdkil,lg lO the I thought you were nm!'!in,g for some-


emor ~Ualnon orTel1li!cssee erereprisjng Itlleir brief act from last year. Tb_,cGov·

sake some of the weight off JL. It's, that success has fina:!l)!, broughtjeny some real friends" a'[ lease <onL;iOO.r ay, but the shn.vs Ii'iIOW lack a D eenain edge of danger. The man didn'[ '!:.'\I'enloosea his t.~c. The Telethon is, in fact, purring along 1~k_.e well-nrned POIJlicbJe. l"ef~~ a hand side of 'the sr.agc, Jerry and Gev-


s.]eepyheads back there. "Take a SIi!QOooe, )~ou[ alarm. dock, check me set out later on" 'Cause this is whe,fie 1'1'1be, all the ri me. •cause ~ha t's rhe WIl.Y ~t should be done, Tile whole thing." . 10 past }re'3fS,'Palft of the Tt;'kt:~.on's lurewas rhe opponun:it~, to see dti

thilllg.'·· J erry: "'W do comedy, already." Tile Governor; breaking up: "I quie, •

director noiselessly

Center stage ,a bllls't!ing ''''Oman asslstanr sets Lola Falaaa's two backup singcmSOn raeir marks.and whi ps micropholles ioW place for rheIn. On the dldlt. Ed's sl3lRding at his po·

stadens cut away, Jerry sr.arts «:achwf!g Ida smflru of nonsense syU,ab]es. Th.e gibberish words are so devised thar, if
Y01!l stumble on one of [hem, chances are you'l] end up saying the word "piss." Jerry keeps trvi ng,ro g,er [dw speed up, N Q way. \Vhen the Good Lord was pass~ngout unflappability, Ed was fi~nin

"(lor managers are supiP'!->S:ed cue the 00 audience. It's j!;ltH [he ]~ttle something extra you get when you use Ed. The lliii'l'lI ca'n also freeze in position more naeurally than any Human beiDllg sti]J brearhing. He stands witJll his ~.egs crossed at the ankles, one hand enthe 'r>Odliutn for balance, rile holding ii mike vp mlirlis month, He's l!I" talk, and he JUSt .!oolds thaI!;pt'JSe for five, or ten m.inutes unJl;i~Jerry;sfinished. Ed doesn "~ fidge t, he doesn' t rwl reh, he doesn't check bis nails every few mo· MeiUS .• 11.1 iliy'be he 's openi ng and dosing his septum. Or daring tllffi'my I ifts or usi ng one of me other ROTC tricks eo avoid boredom or fainting while smndin,g at aereneion. But if he's dO]Bg flomerhil1g, you can't see it. end [b,e big guy is ah\ra)'$ good for a naugh .. T~}nil a minute before the loeal

~ie. n

··Auie.? I'm goo!lil,ado .i~ from here, in Ironrof t]n.e band." Jeny is moving h~li s,[OO~ver ·toeeneer stage to si ng the 7··1] o j~ngle clitar's been on relevsion all summer. The week before the 'Felethen, Jerry went dtn\llil to the Irehearsal hall oftibe Space Center ~very afteetoon to go over h~s musieal nlJm.h~rs. He nursed them." ~ehe~rsed them, and arguc;;>d leh '[he musieiaas about whether w they were pbying the rightnotes, Wh,ellll 3 spi'l'it of perfecslon is. iXlnfwonl$ a v(lj,ce what's been ydli!lilg,"Hey, l{l.dly; b~,utiiIflll human irorian UI m sci f.pi.ryin,g dinan. li.srening aJtt.enti'll'el.y. and nasty as thelilouffi dr~tgged by. YOll Listening!s one or Ed iI,'I.c:!Vbhon's c01!!ldoQI,lIil[ on a, feal1y ug'Hyrampag,e if chid m~ents. ,~rhcther he's with joh'llilfl}r you held out ,tiU'five or six in the momor J euy" he assumes the air of someone who 's un;aJly absorbed in tncp,mceed· ~J1g;. "Wl:ier'C are <lIWlmy so-celled good f:riends in Las Vegas?" he once deing:s., and he a£tlllally makes you believe manded in the doldrums. of a r ew ~ork [hat it's po.')sible. Be's IIH,;·Ver bored. He's :dways -Ed. ~ve[y 'time )I'OIl shoot a telerhon, "They Sa)!' 'Je ny, God bless )'(J1I; ou're dOl:ng greatthings,' but I glance over at hi mwhile someone else JS 'WOuld 1l~'3I~ymike lO .klJll.O'where the !leU,. he's tlllled ~!l.Ed gives YO:l!Ithe w these people arewhen I need them. security of \\"O.iltiwlg w~tlll, a net, but he ',(;a,use the \'Vay I bJeard ]t.~hil:~'Swhen also gives )'OU u nnagging enchasiasm, fri.ends ase supposed eo be there." When Chad Everett inrroduces toe B~[ now haJS, his "pu ssycaes." presidem of Olym.pia Bef;)l to Jc.rry, Ed klilOlYorS he's aor en csrnera. BUi; he sdU Chad Everett, David Hanrn~n, and Ed ~cMa,hon-Pi,lssycat umber One does " big "'Do~you·heaf:~who-th~s~isr. =-stand across the Stage from lewis at Can -yo u-b die e-'thi~'Nnan-is,:ac[Uallythe sidekick. styrene podium,. They in- bcre.r~ Wen-Ie:l'!i~bear~i r-for-hi m! ". rake troduce each sponser, announce d~e 'to du; audience and starts dap'pi!lil.g openingsand clesings of'eaeh hour, and loudly. [t's not his job, neeessaril .. The


on yom baby"

for [we my

years, you're beuer off not beilllg in the band. "Can I have your' Wove?" he sings. WhQeve~ wro'W ,th~s j iogle :for tbJe 1-] 1 poeple knewhow to capture Jerry Lewis 's essential messaJ,gC~o the AJm.e·~ican puMic in a fivc-wtnrl openi ng line. Lewis's gen~us isthae he has devised a
.me~hod of measuring Ameriea's love for him in iU,mQu heaetfelr form --coIWa.g;s-.wlilile appearing in the role of'the selfless crusader Only wirh the 'Ii~ eense granr.ed by "bis kids" wau Id he have the nerve m stand up and slag "IC:an I ha~'e you r ~OVd" Onlv wid! the


pr;o~e¢d(l11i flhese affiicred [hOllSands, o whose strcngclThand CO'l1ll'alge he ~ays he env~es. csn he be sure Ihe alJd~encc is not yen~ng back a.t ~ts ${:[S, "SUire, jellY;


to give money to hell) sick ci1i~d~en thran sick adults. 1 don't uodel:'Stand ~r:' Horst saIYs,shaking his head. "I'm much more moved by someone stricken at their
prime," Hour Five. Lewis calls f(l,r his first "ti m,p1!lITi,''' The d:mm is rolled w herald good news on the rote bQ<Jllid" nd, 1IIS tile a Rumbers nilpw $2 m~mon, the: orchestra 1._1.p the row. b(lard's. (heme song; "Wh3lt tile \\~orld Needs Now." "Somethin~ big is brewing." J;a1y Dar~ deancs confides in a Louisiana. drawl,

smnding by one of the doorn'a, s, ne~O'tiatililg whh a series olf increasi ngl,!,' Mgll-rallking MDA staffers. They've "\\!e say J ei'II'Y kids," Horst Pet,(.~Ji,I, got a plane to catch. E very once in 3 's the ~D1\ publicist, ac!rnol\yledges, "but "",hiIe in shot 'l:lI.IsiIlCSS~'O'IH;,onfllonu.l'l,e peeki ng order. A few years ago, when it's not jus [ kids. Seve ral of our diseases strike pr;opk: in the prime of1ife. ' He- SillD:llnllstaged his comeback at Caesars Palace, there was T'V ftlor.age of aline of fere the soft-spoken Pet'Z!i!'11came to big celebrities sranding outside tbe work ng radio spors a md 'pwess releases for ~DA,heworked as the news slil:owfOom door wai ti ng .w be seated. You could see rile pained exp'ressio:nl on dl~ecm:u' at Rad io Free Europe. "People," he says, "should know what their' Johnny Carson's face-s-he was flfth or doUam are g,oii'lg fm, akhough I guess tor sisth in Iiine=-when Jack He:nI:lY\lIralkcd some reason most people an} more Imke[y rigllt past the ~ine and imo rhe room. No can have m. I.ove. Up a. rube," "And could y'oo arrange," he sings, "Ito let me have Ithe diTlange :for my kidsr"
.0111 m'lOw

love-in. "This man," Lewis says of SinalCl, "m,eant ti\"O :m.iUiolldollars [0 IlS lil~r year .." Frank preserus 111 checl:. m Jeny fro;rn rhe Argent f'.nrpo:mtion. owners of the S[~rd u sr Hoecl, The check is for six

grand, Thismcrning the load all-news searlon reponed rhae Argent had" after much llemmJn,1!; and hawing, Hna.!!y agreed ~) write off as 1Ji loss the $10 m i'~lion le had Ie nt 1)0 a ce rta in She rma n

m~uer how big 'yolI, are, the:rr,c"'s somebodybi ]. ina : <I nod comes from t3arlxmil, a young blonde fDA assistant who's
been tryung [0 phone someone who knows what the he!] dhis is all abmu, and

Glkk wao was, at the time ofthe loan, ['he pre:sklcnt ohhe Argc:IIH Corporation, Onl,. Las Vcg_as heard abouc rhar; M million people see the $6,000 check. At midrniiiglu The Telethon makes news. \~eloomed by the furst smnding (wadon of rll.e new day. Dealll Martin unstead ily~''3.lks eur on stage and hugs his ex-partner; a man he reponed'i. hasn't

MaIi'lyli and IUly gliin rh.e,i'urelease. A fel!,I' mOH1CfltS laeer I .gee sprung by Fralilk Sinatra's press agent" Loe Salr:er, nne of the few people oonaected with [his show \\'!ho doesn't bodicli'plmilllgon a color-coded Telethon idcnnficatlon badge. W Oi1CUfS to Lee dun it :might be a r
good idea if the magazine people see his


of 11I~.and a eeupte of hundred crhcrs, are trspped together ~n [he eomlnissary,wa~1:ii ng the: Telerhon Olil TV. A p:lilalal:lx.of armed Sallm,m guards blocks alIIthe doorways leading out of the eernmissary, he~r appearance was unannQ1!,IirI!ced,and MDA staffers seem as puzzled as [he rest of 1IIS. The Space 100mter has been se-aled off, and t!<Lehal'l~ :

diem 'perform, so wlrh g[ealt speed eiekets are prod~.ced" ;l1fadanother w~i«:'r and I an; hustled [IHOUgh a Cllln::ain and into ehe audience, Le:;tVlllg the C(J1oomissary I pass [he O::nex gll~l'Irl who is tellingrhe Saftal11lguaed to ple1ls.c: le [ him
out, he has 'W pee, Frank Sinarra has never before appea'red unperson on 3. J er!1' l...e.,;\,'irs Tele-

empty has been e*UIlbhsh(;~ as a. eoedon ssnltaire .. Jay Dardesnes is national youth di reCW:l" ofMDA, and he's worried because he's supposed to be on srnge in half an hour j ntroduci ng Jerry to some )~O!)Jdl, and he een 'f ~et out of he reo N ei[her can a. Carex gUlIllM"\\j'i!to~I:nerru,pwd his vigil to grab some ('(j'ld cuts, Socurhy ''''0.11'£ le[ a security gualfd our. What'. go.. ~ngon here.~ "On[yFOl!Ir people k I:IOW. ' l\.bury Stevens sa,y~ l:O me sagel.y, bustl~ng toward his connnl rruek, " ...or even tbe Governor ("ould get i~ rnii,(llUI.,"So S;f;ClI,riry

I;,"ay into which II:he



ilion; lasr )"el.'lil' mlcrowsved he

an ap-

pearsnce from New ¥ork. The audien.o~ d'lar has just becn seared (the house is tl1ln'lcd over oaee an hou~) now realizes how kacky ill is. These people are going

rosee a 1~\'eSin~t:D"'.a peiif(:mllaJ~cc for free. A couple of real tOirpedoes,
mouths that teok as thQugh []I.ey were chiseled ,iIlUO the flesh, aee nO'l.\1 $und'ing a~ rhe ,e;."Ia.ct ccllliter of the room, rhe rear po~rHwhere an the !risles rhrough the hara ,8mff," bee m' ve never seen the In here before, and an hourlater they are gone, forever. A local reporter sa):s j,t's I~ke [1h is the time air Caesar's Palace" when perf'mm~lng d'n.ere. spoken to in t\:vemy years. Sinarm f'ade:s momenta ri~y into the backgrolD nd, Sll)'~n~ of the reunion he has arrsnged, "'I 'chink ,it'$ about rime,"

audience meet, Their badges



The hllggiing continues as the floor

ma!'l~geFs mi Ik the applause,

his, first line: "So, how ya been!" Everyone's l:\lOfiderin:g wl'laJf he rc,dlly rh~l:'Iks. There is an exchange of an officernamed Ch'd,e Swinddl observes. Theword go~.ngaround is that we can't elcseups, Dcan arid [erry, on rhe big exit because Sin3'U'<1. has eo enter. "~f Pat Henry and Sam BWHcra are SCree Ill" and l.ewis Is se ndilfi.g out Sina~:m'sopening acts a.~Caesar's P':l'~11:ce',strangely en~gm.3,tic signals fior a man iPr,esiden{ fO:l1dcllIme here rigln now;" OffioerSwino,e:l[ sa~s, "he'd have m wairt and th,c Chaim-manof the 8o~l'~dhas diC~ who usually $kywrires his cmotions. dded to ]et m,iddle, numa.geme fI(\~rm for Fmnkic," tier a few mom,ems, Frank bi'calks the h m l]S,[ be somedili ng big. wo ex~ up dte .Ilollse. Tlhe,ii1. :1( ten minUI'e5 Ito 'tensi(ln. He 'pulls a g'Lln our of dle piano .. members of Ihe Fift~h D~men$&on, !\,mari- midniglu, S~n3tm. danc:cs otU' 011stage illl Stmnge 'aow hei ng, 1ock:ed up for an I~y~ cCoo and Billy Davis, ,He now .. hour W]dl no cllplau'EDon, and be:ing 11 UJxedo and hugsjeny. E",crnii. members tr<ipped in here :!IS wen. They madc [he olf ~he l;,rench cabiner don"t hlllg each pushed :around iii bit by hug,e fel'laws sh(nw. wi.~hglWns, ~nd bei:ng in tllte pre:rence (}f mistake of stop:pi'liLgilill theoomfl1'isSQ.ry odu;;r ~s mllch as pe(Jpk do on 'th'~$ ,j,erry likeii to c1]I.lit ·thc wodd's largest after doing rheirsctonsrnge,. ,and dtcy're gendemen who appea'u to ha:vc had ex-

b],g laugh'\'ith

J erry




titling peoide wi.~h cemenr foetwea r c a:11II nd a good r;,nn "Oh, se Jesus" down ),our spine when F:~3nk Si!l'i:ilu'aJ ks overto ('hie hind end of a wiil ,gmllid piano, flicks up' a shiny metal pi'sperience rro:I" and walks back toward DI;,:i.1n Sind .jerry saying, "~I gorra get you guys off one way or the uther," The gun was lIlew:r on ca mem. But the reporter sirri fig nexr to Me sees it. and I see it, and we verify for C;l:ch other tharwe' re neither

rhe Dean Mani.n Dmnk Hit. 8.1(.I[ I wasn't hl!llgging,him and snu:Uil1g him. The IV[anin lind Lewis pastnesship was a quick success propelllag the uazy k:id and dlC si~ger th rough ni.glnd !Jibs, TV, and mevics i,n mpid succession. It broke

up in 1956, accmd:ing


the friend, be-

cause Marrin let the Han's share efresponsibi~ity fall on the hard-driving Lewis. "i\tkr he had a. l[(:an lutad< he

smaed :rrn.min the grip of Green Fele J unglcpamlJwia. II gun, It's a j,oke. bur ~['s II glilJ.n. Maybe it's a lOy. A toy gUll. Okay, I'U gram: you th8i[ mlld~. From ten mws back ~.can' t~e:n the old persuader from 3.goQd prop, Al'1 m know ]$ it broke


Now Dean is dOling hls dn;II'i'k act. He explajns to .jeny how he came to be

up the hug.

the doors stay open. and when Sinana st!'oUsdown the ha!l\\,'aypasr fhc ki.tchclil. and OIJl[ 'KI'Wam rhe limo on the bo:ading mmp, h'eis su rrounded by nothing mure than dle~sua[ half-dozen members of a soperseae entoll.u·a!'!;'C. He is as remarka.b1y unprorected gO'ing out as he was vacuum-seajed coming fin. The S'~O'I'Y Dowis that the 'Iock~fl was Gnly designed ~okee'!, nelll,'S of Dean rro:lill 'Icaki]l,g to Jerry. Well of C,Q.IIfse. Except th.u Mon· day afternoon Sinati':lffiakcs a return a(>minute quaJr3mine for the em:rance,. no sweat for [he exk, Arrie Forrest illsi.sts 'liUjiiile of this was done at Sinatu'sinsis'" renee. "I just d'idn't want people fill.ill(g
pearsace, mli,:liluS Dino, and the same quirky routine i':) repeated: " l1Ii.nety-

keep working ""id) Dean." As if that weren'I enough. !\I[artin opposed Jerry's plans to dire{~uheir movies. So Lewis just stands and \!,,'atcnes, and criOl!lgh for the girl in the angel. hair. bites his, ~i'pa 'lot, while S~nl!itmand 1101[3'1'-"Come on:" she yel'ls, "do you believe in tin goof and stumble du;][ \~~a.yl'loough a music?" The wornsn aexr 'to ID.C, late fif. t ties, wearing a yellmll.' plaslic snood and rnedley, AlI1Idwhen h 's 'Over, when Dean ~s hllgg,ing J en;,' bdore w1.!Hii off the sit.6ng iii! all Everest and Jennings fig stage lind back out of his life, it is. bard 'to "Sta.rlil1er' wheelehsir, shiftS the ice around i~. e.r slurpee cup and grins" Bur h tell which one piaics[he other more. Sinatra finishes up. his ser and we she d,oesn't elsp, brace fOT another bizarre secu:rit1! mao Cluwn Spot #2. Nh. and Mrs." Clown neuver ro cover the Chairman 's exu, But dotil'[ need m be told to wateh rhe Telethon [his rime around, Thev reaer with. sad, silene-clnwnish agreem~n[ lID J e[ry's, offsereen r,,~d(atiQnof the good thel r dol-


it wasn't worth his ]ifc


from the studio floor .. The Grir.rel:Sarc not ,gcning q!lire dlC :re-s:pu:ilISe they wam from the audience. which iu this early hour primari.ty consists of sponw'lS and 1\1(0 patientS. The sponsors dllp' mai nl.y for lhoe]r fellow executives and tb:e raped pioch,e,s, ]ea\l jl:lg i.t to tile dySlrophiCll 'CO applsud for ~lom~IlYGUilS. They clap bard. bur not hard

ver and whiee-e-her dress looks as if it's made eflti.rdy out of angel hair--afid rhey both sing. They're w(lrking on the speclsl fil'leNlict srage, a second-smry 'platform reached hy a narrow stairway

lars could do. We wonder about t1~e:l:u

c!'lange in attitude. Then, as AlJ'inounccJ' JerI!)' lIrges a short walk m t:h~ phone dle camera slo.. ly pans over fO a 'crib and v we see 1:11I,at only is their new baby nOt crippled, he iSn'H!'Ven wearing a clown faee. Maybci~'s illegal to a.pply heavy makeup w ~~.infanc, In any case. 'rile speir m:llkes you thin~. freda .P'aynt: has just received a respeceable round of applause for


Sueisandian version of "The Wa.v "Ve 'Vere." And Jerl'Y's bugged. These' goddoampeeple who are sitting here gettiWlg over him," Artie deadpans, the best ,elueocainmen~ in the world/or A( nne lin the morning, "S'ilm.<IuaOf fre.;! are .'lining 1;111 their hands. At least, f the wen o:nes are. b.'s 'li me m gc[ some (If here: "I had oo go, and this was the Psesidenr" buuon~ begin circulating their 'love . (Lea'restdoor," While Sinana begil"ls sing:.. bad~.stage-. ..I think i.t:s very im pon:ant to mak.e ing "The Lady b a Tramp," 1Vlanin 1 his was the 1"'elet:hon for which all ~'O diselaimers," Lewis sa.ys in his consrnndrs. next lO him staring off to the left of the stage .where a. dQzenla[f.:,c plastic the Italian crooness si:tO\1i'cdup. Tony cerned iid.lllitvoice, "I haveto do this, 8enn~tt did two sets, P,erfY Como did be-Cause my instinct usuaUy serves me discs bearing the :.>ponsors logos are one. The talent the '~e,levision ncm'o:rk well. One, The eady hours of the mornhung, "'. like aU these rihi'llgs . . . those ing. P'eQple that are seared In the studio, bunans," Dean says when it's rime for saw du ringthe ,eVCII:1 iliilg hours. was pretty h irn ro sing '11 half of the song. His face hi,:dl.-priced. Bu:t fifteen minutes uf h's hardly possible for YOll to be totaU'I is every b:otlr belo:rrng m the .tocal sCltions, energetic and ,entlil.usiastic. Bm these is locked into a. lanunaeed /Robert Iltand duri ng t:httt timethe Space Center is performers an; coming frun1 an parts of chum smirk. Twenty feet away Jeny n stands at his podium, smoking a ciga- fi~l~d wirh lounge-act (raveling music the worfd 00 .help us. They haV'1,; owa.y while the new audience supplants the of knowing our appreciarion and g!["at~ r'ene and wipi[lg .lThis hands. Gary Hoffman offers Lewis a micro- old. Ar the moment we' are being re- ~tll"ide..T~'h.eyonly know and live;:and Sl4r'~i1.\~on an ill.ldi.encc's appl.aus.e." galed by Uominy GJiIC.5. mae-woman a phone: J eru;y, imni'l:Igin fasdl:ladon at [he ~t sounds bleak, It also sounds as if spectaclein ceater srsge, waves it away. OO;lim penurmi[lg aaepic but thinl: aecompani.edvcl'Sion of "I Bdi.eve ill Mu- he's talking aoo,tu h]mse~f" Lewis, who He doesn't want to be 'il:! this .') cnry was v,ery hun by ,the fact th~n sic." He"s pia.) ing gui.t:ar and harstarred ifl the bllsiliil.ess af ~he <lg:e fifof monica;. ~he 's bel] mit of a teen, is~urt and embin~rod by his I,ack DeaJll W~$ dru~.k,' a fdel1d of Lewis's said lare-r; 1'0 me firl00k(;d I.ike Z1.~. a.ct: L9.mbourill.e. They're both dressed in si~- o.fcrJcical :!Iccbdm in this CQun~ry. Like

o nthe air d u ri ng these d ead 11 O!US. ~)O'.~.g,and all of a sudden he can' ~ take any mose clfit,cit:her_ The'u::::ip41.1 Here's why. JI;; my comes 0 II t co begin Hou r has 'Pll~hi mself on a bum mer. Je ny may !;lorbe rhe ki:d a.ny more, bliJJ[n. crisis mQ- Twelve wearung,.a set of'wax reerh, A~h· i derstand E]]lg~ish, [~e:larer, he sC(ltd:iJ.·wpt.::s his nose to his "So~f 'YOU w.oll~dbeki nd e nOUlgh, as merns he can still ,taJka kid's !angIJage" forehead. a lUnd of ]nShlll ~nose' j obi, "To lo.llg as '}'oui~deed are dl!e audience if! The voiee sJli fts backto tbe [lose. "He my ]ildepeople wid:! sleepy ,c:y~s in tk <lll'll't gpn[la hearyour applause. Btu I'm the stud io, if YOll could j usr acknowledge thar, .~~ fll.y takes a moment, <!no I g.OIil~<J! tell him you did good., Ok:ily? East," he says, "get off yom buns and Q ,~et i!..!S some money." A:fn:ir introduclng a re~<lIt, any good doctor wmreU you, ..~es Geed, H,e'Iie"s Dm,lud HiuJI"rnan, '" \Vhew. goodro.~[he system, 'C~Il!~ you'll (ttro~ D~vid Hartman has. been here 1l~~ nugh~, videurape of GcorW; C. Soon, he explai~s wh.y he read the ineo .off rile cue I:m.tyOI!.] bereer believe t.hal he gets some phy !lu'~dng there .' The re lUe: people, cards."] know pe:r~ol'l~lIy most of the kind of a hand, Jern-y"skids, who hSlVclitl;:~ny auophied pCrlormcrswc ];) ve on tIl is show, bur iIlJ a shdnl.gren feet away from the m,HL The tote OOQ(~shows $4.2: million at mall!y many cases the re are certain Maybe:;: did n'~clap enough. lhings rhari['s Imp[)nal'lIt for the arust dDJre"en [he' morning, hue II is ignozed, i It's eharaererisuc of Lewis, [hat he r feels the need KI~ecm rethe studio al!!ld~· A!lklc from a pitch by Pl;ny Corne <}II; she and for ~hd career to have said in j lIS~ the eigh t wlIY. B t1~ 1 don't need cards beginning of his set, ,the"re is nor that e ace in front ura !l~uio~widere:levision when I'm talking ilbout what wc're here audience, He willi .make an example of much mention of muscular dysuophy, [()r, In t,l,'enty~six years, rn have rtever },Oll had been ]11 a tXl'm:a for the this rtKlmfu~ ill from of 50 miUio:Jm.pee- either. ~f pIe" His whole speech h~$.~ht: feel ilill.g of pastthirreen, and woke up righ t read a and about mykids,' 11OW, YOll'd swear you were still \,\,S!td~· rhe rersarks rhe boys" vice principal ~ng The Jerry .Le ..... Show,. 11 rwo-hou f. is WOi!..! Id interu-upt a assemb]y live, Saturdav-night v:iI'fiety show [hal mdeliver ran on ABC in the faU of ] 96,3. Thena5 "h makes t~]epe rfermers Feel good, 'I.\i~t~Lou .Brown and and t~en ]t lesseas my load of ha.v]ng to ['IO\!!', jeny '\'o'(].rrkc:;:d the o:rcillic:stll"a, a sidekick·ill'illlJ(lU[J{.o,cr and le'[ dlem know you ~re iIl!dcedgr<l«:fUl~. (D!!.'l11V(oore,who d~ed before reach ~Ilg becausethat's j ust words, \Vho saystlley .re~]~y bel ievc that?" h\. a. good poi ne, true pussycat status), and big-name Pedo:rme:rs are so insecure, they'rc p:rob- guests like Sammy Davis, 11 r. (w~[) ap· <!bly sitting ~I'! time Green Room right peared r!:ir,e!ehmes during the show's brief ran). [crrvweuld nun areund real now wondering if.ill ]3.cttheymig%tnQf
some jan rnu8~da~. he has ro go (0 Fraace m be acclaimed a ,gclliiu~l'Id dlltl$~pl;lopl:e:,nice as th.ey are, don' t unbe the G reatest S how reap le i:lm the Wo.uld. "So ~would app:rcc:iau~ it if y<l1lL1 loese, reuremdng every een minutes t:h~t

rhe sh()\i!{\""a~ I1vd Live!!: would cOrls,Me[ [iha[,lla.e next time a perII'Il ma:n." \/I'llVS the T:e~e'[hOfl is ava'ri. e~yshow ·fro~ another era, Laughter ft:ltmCf il«:psQnthu5 stage. The seeond d isclai mer" -now h e's taki Ilgad va Il~ a:nd a.ppla.U!$ca[C lI!ot <liugmenmed elec'[3;ge',he knows no other channels iH'C (l[L trnu ieal ly, Lewiswou Id rather lecture ihe Oli~ this. time M.ol'lday nw]'ning- "is than sweerea, l'he show IS evsl ~<l!tcdby tha~ a 'VTR. or' videot<lpe recording of commenrs frromthe station rnausgers M.r, Kirk. Douglas. . . . Some people <Ire w]IDo ~any it. rnl~ is [10(: tested arid reo ic~skin-respo~sed, dis a ppoiated d~i~ isn'r srnnd~ng srnge searched a nd g;1l~v,all he ceneea Kirk Douglas wOUild ]0"1/(: tn be i1~ 'l.tunua.lly eve ryp~n me - ti me progam
h.e re .."

rere~.dy djdpropose SOl:1l1e ~C$e,,~ch ]1'1 dCp~l:L "We sold rhem we're 3 he3]dl a~ ncy," Pet".taUrhcpu blicL~t' roOOUli"US, Mr. Kid~ Douglas" an Ilm.llf ago. But HII "ilnd '1N'eCOI.IMIl'~ affo~d it." [hey metwas a fuzz.ydo5Cl!.p on the The big dMlereWl.oe between this proEidophor scteen. Somebody masc have gJrnnll and Lewis's Qldv.:uiery show is (hal The studio audience had emieedrhe
first genuine "noocnohhhh" of theevenlUlgwhen Lewis had said "Please meet

now ]8........ hho~gh Ben~oU1l and Bowles

"m-Ie~ook (he eime , , , 'to g.o W 11seadi.; and make rhaf video~3Jpe record ing .. " for my k~ds,."How mUldh g~ihc3J1l YOUJmilmd.fl[ lnroe ~n I~hemorn ing? "[-k s had to ge) u) E III mpe , or , Therefnte he wasn"t av,ailablc for [his date. lIe wok ~he [:ime to m.~k:ethis 'v ~de(J~pefcro,.~ding" j us~ ~;s many other performem do. I think Ihey'r~Cl'lldt~ed m [he same app~:al:lse the penomcr that's as hc;:reIive_[ t' iii m<l~e. .," Arid IilO'W some alilim:linJe-rry Lewis's helld i!ppC~.ffi to go off. He's been ~be' sham:~ll.g, $df~fight$n'I[J.ilgR)WnU p f@[ JUSt


[here's rIO ABC 'to canoe! the: Telethon. It\! tllke~. im a.~ol1g[ime', but he's got h his own bat and b<l!il ,and t~,e smdi mIl has been bU.i It t:o h p'!;ci f~ ti (IriS. CiI! There's .nobody to sa.y no 11)0 jerry, becalise that wou]d Wl;;aJro S~ty i11g no 'co "Jeny's .~dds,,"

john Valel'lte,a youthful [(Jcker w]th potential MOR crossover appeal, singll ~oa prerocurdc";ld track wll He Lou's b8nd louages behind il g~U:i::Yr.;u r~<l!ill'1l_ ike L perhaps a ~hurd of'theperfoemers Q,!li~he Tektholm" Va IC[IJ~esays, nodling, ebou t muscular dystj1[Jphy_ §eny wa~ks o:ver to rille sponsors' section d l! r1ng Vaicn tt.: 's, S(lng ::and, shUrm:JUOUt [~uol!gh his Ilis zippe[. R'r.:p~csc~utive:;:~ of half a.
<li!lmJnWlncc~hd r oo'lu~ibmio1ms(m~1limum for a }'O'uthg!'Oup ap'p(,,"-<!Janc;c:Ul.OOO)" $ krry greets each .of thell'l. wi~h a"si ng~Qngglhbedshiflcadol1 of [he Greek~let~ ~:r names. MrJoSt of«:mJ il: comes ou [ as a vluhui.on of "Alpha Mehdn K hwcm<l!I1."

do~n. fbuemides

ilIppear with Jerry to

one second mo

c(luM~)rob:ahl.y go off, ba(:k ():n ar noOIl, :and C:O.i~elCt same the amount of rn:O<ll!c),. smys on bas~.caUYID h ~keep Ithe momentllm going" ro keep th,e peQP:~e 'wodd ng on ~he show fr'om crashlllg, Alm(lst nobody sees what happens
dIe ai fUll th!e middle ohhc

Th.e Tekthon

10(:: Wi~1 01.1( and does a set lams of the blues" Be:;:'s a pro wllo .k:r-w""'s e~b me.rthan to ]gnore the c,ausc_ "jle rry," lIoe

loved, believe me." Acknowledging dl,1! apphlUse for his b.~~WIlDe, Joe calls out,

pauses between songs. "you an! wen·

Jerry csfls for the ti m pan~. and the tote board rolls ro $5 m ii,1 ion, An :IC[ called RiI!7.zleP'(':e \~1JJlly appears on the s,mge-8 man with his torso pameedto resemble a huge face, holding lli tmmpet to his 1l:l.\I\el, mimi fig to a reeordi o.gofdle "Colonel Bogey Mareh," Now the crew n,cxt re cite ccnnol


Send money.

Se nd

and (:hePeek Fam~1 . Half~·-dozen kids a'm.Maybe i,l'S lime for you m examine im eaeroon animal suits-a duck, a what yc:m awe. Gimme a buckec. End of Mr.· iee Guy." G(lof)'~type dog. a 8,u~-type bunny \Vidl lha.t, j.e:rry takes a 7- p plasdc -stand 0" [he srage for ten mw~ures \~'9:iti]ngfQ~ thdrlil'llu~k j.erry ~n~rodllce$ bu'Cket ~Dlld ru I"IS eut into rhe audience, [;hem oaee, a nd rmthimg happens. "Cue The band pl.ays an uptempe rouser fm.m clllehand," Jerry yds. Bl!IIt[h~ can't be rhe COY nt Ihls~e book. and Lewis cued, Tille baadsrand behind the g<Juzy dances rlluuugillEhe aislcs; barrering wirh the spectators., trading pro.."<imity to the curtain ill empty. Someone in the booth panics atthis peint, and starts mllWng a. star for some of rhe ~en stuff. "I ]O\l"C rape of one of the filler a.CIS, doing 'lj'Oll too," he says ma f3R, "seick it in there." "Feeliags," After 3 feU' secoads, someone in the booth rams rhat knob back Lewis used ro do. this rnutine CVCifjl'
dcm\'IDl'[0 zero.

liluck is breaki Ili,gup. The nsmes are geeting w them ,. Ed has just intro duced Jerry to Mr. Schmeck of (·h,eO]1der of Eagles and V'erl1a Fu nke fmm. the women's auxiliary of (he MC;JonM:. These peopk have j ust walked out of the pages of a-Joh~ny Carson monologue. A mo-

"Anhl.!Jii', whae's ha ppe ni ng? Did we I05C PQwc·r or \\1' h a [?n Aerie hits. the ralkback swsrch iashe eruck, "Mr. Lewis, I sent the baad to got: E sameth i~g
ear." hurl' reads the ifilm d uctie n


ayi:l!i~um.e [11 abou tevcryone ing


be a pock. The kids in the animal suits tense up. ready to ceok 311d whistling eur the speakers eomes a loud. pure, one-ktloherts 'tone. "This ]!j ordy a test" -dwi tone, Ir's not easy 'to dance


N ew York. The ban rQum of the Americana ah",ays seemed packed wi[h reen<lgers from BmokJy:rn, and New Jersey who sUOililglydendfied wieh Jerry's. chari acter because lhey. 000, were anarchic idiots, The run though the aisles, was a way of pressing '[he flesh, keeping in touch rhc eonseiruenev, fOE the egas erowd, ·though. Lewis nears i[ al-

hou r when the Telethon

origi naeed in


'c:ess-e' rbart are i\,tDA "trade secrets."
Then he has telephoned those

thei r aet and are looking fo[ C'O~d towds. "Gol" J erry ~·e:lIs."Gim me ill l~tJdepleasurer' From his table in Room Eleven, Fred Schaefer has gatheredthe pledge nu mbers reponed by rhelecal smtions andverified [hem. according W proto

Tell past eight.

es-pedally in pook

The k~d$ rlul~y did

51.1 ie,

mO$( I~k,ea punws hOlenl. Daddy's the only One who rea~ly loves them. "See dIis:" Hc's back enseage, holding LIp the bucket, ""I grabbed a m.u.ndle from tbis HIde ooc'ki'llIg areund," Now J CITY is kissi ng Ed on the nose, Comedisns belong to 11 privUeged class of American males, Only weyand athletes <life allowed m have public sexual oont3ct wi.'lh otlhe:r lr'""Ys, frce of stigma, JOCk5 can pat each mher's. asses; COMC(Hans getto k iss. J,erry is II:II.J SSbiig his :pussycar right 110W because to1iiC d-me bas an~ved for [he Te:iet"non's. sele b~lIs~Th '1r,~tih the: PII:ua-w(),uld oocuk: Ed's, Pr'c:of diction. This is a short one-act per= formed endrcny w~th ~t[il~gh( faces" for wh ich agatn credi t m ust lu to r, Mcl\ilahon. The plee here is that ,e'VC.FY y",ar:, at aW"o1!lllild 9: 30 Labor D8,), moming, d correctly pFed:icfS, widtin hundreds of ehoesands of dollars, the finalfigu~e 01'1 the Wtdxn3nl This DSn't something he does pmfessionaUy, you understand. He aever ptedicts for Joh1m This, is j lls't kind o:f ny. PU$$ycllt dlilng t!n,Sit happens o['lly wi rh Jerry. It's eirher precogrnnon O[ Ed inll. some pre-esean way mkeuespoflS~b~lit:y For, and thus creates thereallt'y of, bis o,wn pledgetotal.



$2J .9 mill'ior, in donmioll'5-'

rnenc later Jerry d13.fS whh [he Supreme aim Cedar (If (i1c Tall CcdaJs of Lebanon. a middlle-age-d man wearing a powdcr-bllLlepo:lye:ue~ sulr and 3 conical white hat W!UII1 :I. green rree sewn on it, Ne:x:t lip to rhe podwum is James Radeother u It ion sponsor. He gives Jerry a chock and reveslsthat this is his final appearance (In the Telethon, "Jerry," he sa..s, "atthe end (If this ),ear, I'm hanging up the satchel" lI,,:I,;II:e? Carrie ~4,cDQwell. a twelvemacher, head of the leuer carriers"
:I n-

JeU'y \~e~nbe[-g, who is.sitting a[ amble wirh phones and 1itde SOH Y rn(Drn~I)[:)[s j L.U~5[ to rhe left of the stage" in fron~ of the sp:m~o:~s. cvVei nber-g, in U.. ira, has telephoned his St.1cremry May, :ii~.awd across the stage d i'rcedy below the pbl~fQrm where Hominy Grits tried [0 believe in music, 'Vhile ""ellllberg norifies Artie Fonest and Ed McfahoH of the irnpending wH,1ay resets [he lI'Ot.lHY knobs, one for each digit. on rheanonymnus-laoking, garl)age-aln-,!{f,ay meml box i1'1 fnnu of hcr. \i\1~~'aerl eimpal'li the ro](, s11cmps a 'roggle swireh beaeath the knobs. and rhe plasric wirh '[he numbe rs on the Helhsos Itote board flip. over ro (he new setting. om "pleasure" he i$ $6 million. It's not near!, el'lough.
"\\rc've had fun," he begins.

M[. Lewis. the boy'S' veep, is l)<lok. "W "At the end of more years than the gue$S we've been a liltdelav,-,:.'\!e lI"eallly Good Loed rhoughe W. had coming 'to g.Ol some work to do, 1 ve been tiptoeyear o~d gid witlit 'Io~.g blonde hair, ing. I've been passive, sad I .guess d1lr3t me." says,. '''I would hope d13t I hav,e [,en perecl:n . . . Qfwhatth·is man comes out ilInd sings "O~'er dIe Rain.· doeSfl't do the job. I have a reputation bow." h sounds as though judy Ga:rlal!ild for being abm$~vc, ~or bdng an egom;i- has. And m say r!his wi.'tholl~ any ka[ of lrun has sW'ilJ~o\~red Teresa B fe\Voe[, Jerry is !,!uac. I gll,ess I have to 'wrn som.e ()if '~hat be.imlgcaned m311.D,d or sen tumentaJ]." de1ighted. "1 don'~ fQ]'ce .sick .k.ids .on on flO"\,,",. You mmght 'exam il'l~ tlll.,e possi- Bd now goes i~l,1t(Dhi $ U3.fIoce. ·wh]ch dem!eabni~' dial l'ffl. 3. foo~, doing wlm I"m do- s.trongly resem Me-s his !iJQi;mail VO'U, bltt t<like II look aJ a \'iI"C:1II OJtic." . Capping the de-ad hours arc Richie ing up here. I dOl.lbr fh3t~ rn Iike W~:l!t I lliOil". Jeri:,' smrFS geu~ililg app~eh.cnsirvc: is


Ed goilng to do sometbi ngcrozy and predict wohighr Give him room, here he goes. . . . Ed pJ,edii,crstharthe Teled'n,on \¥III gross ... twenty-one nine. Twt'i'ily-one poilll n:ifurmillioll ,doJkrJ:~!The crowd ]oves it" Thi5is more exciting l:~,tUlap-

kids, So won't


cal] (he n um her on

your ::;(;ree~lnight ~way?"
'\God blcssyou , jan." "God bless YO!:l, JerIY.. " Aside from }erry and Jail,. this is a vcry 6l.on=jewas:~ show. jc rry'$ kid -adule 'tug of war is also ill enntest hetweenthe Jew ke is and the Ch ri:stiillll he's becoming.

vue to Vcg:!iis:Richard and Patti Roberts, the \\orid ActiQ['i Sil'lg:ers and the Ron H tiff Orchestra 'On a pre-recorded track, and the Grandfather Mounmin" No'rd'iL Carolina, Cloggcm:s.Til is act oould headline <'It KnotJt's Berry F lIrm, it'stha(l)olished, Then Jerry introduces Robensas "a true gentleman and one of God' ehosell people," and Or~J rakes center

pla1l1ding for appliances! But Jerry smlks 9ilmost compleooliy off the s1L3ge."'\Vh,afsrirle matter?" Ed feeds him. Jerry shakes his head. his mouth lu.~gs ope,rI. He is shocked, feillr~ ful, disbelieving, "No," ~elry sa~. "P m

So his office deorjn

Gty bears a.

sorry. . • Idon' f even wanna hear , . . . This ma! a, cuekaobird." It's a fi ne performance of the perennial fa\'orin:, and Ed's prediction beecmes the goal for rhe rest of the show, The dramatic su boox~ of the Telethon up eo now has been \\fmn He t\i[ake It, as ira,:"Can J err)' s~y ap fOJ t\\'e~,ty~one hours wichou[ kiUing someone?" The question now is \,vil[ \lle Help Him Make h PThe phone numbers ale flash-

plaque that says "Super Jew." On the other hand, there is this blossom~llg relationsh]p w ut~.Oml Robens. Om] Rohercswas rhe first naltional[v-

sr.age. "m saidto the students IU Roberts U n~velSi~. "Til! Ilk of your love for crippkd ehildeen. Think of your love Jor

celeeasr fai(h~e{der, and he used rol~v on hands and transmit through them the hea.!ing power of the Lord ,.Out Oml has moO""iclassed up h is,act co]'[sidernbly. The

Jerrl Lewis. Think .of your 100\'(;;for God." Not bad. Second place=behind the Deity, ahead Qfrhe kids. OGiI gives len)' II! hefry eheck fwm [he smdents IH

:ing 011 your screen.



hn t\1~1I r'm,' i5 the onlycorned ian booked 'On this vear's elethon. here's a sbnut ~hilj[. "We 've f(lu nd dUll!: oomedy dies on this shim, ," ~'" '~ariC)'F orrest says. "Comed lans really don'l help to set a mood .. It'i!tol,lgh when you see one of the pieces, that David Hanman did wida MD paticars and it m(l¥CS yo!.!
so much ehar
jI''Otl WSjI1a,t

ro call ~n y(l'~[

'Only you can't talk because maybe Jfou're ~oing 00 cry-well. it's at.moM poortasee to briDil.g somebody on who's going 00 ny m make you laugh. ' B'LU Jan is" aswe've seea, kind ofspecial, B'e5.ides, he's not tryilfl.g to rneke anybody Laugh. '·.'Ic'jry, ~.h,a""e mc;.~sage,:G'm a you. rn just
paid a visit (0 our dear Torie Fields,


S:l'ne's fun. she looks good, she feels good." (Torie Fjelds has jIUS[ h:ildher left leg amputated ..Shecontracted p.hlebitis
foUo\ v.dut dlC newsps pers ca ned

"minor surgery." Gossips are caUing it a.
face lift.) "It's wonderful. " Jan continues, "and I'm eelebrating her eremendous recovery, she's going to be back enstage v,ery ve I)' SQ{nil. • • ." "Thaa k God, n, J ~[fy i:ffiltelj,e,'t8. " ... and what better wa to eclebrseetilumlo giveto 'chis mali's kids-so, Jerry, here 's aeheck for $500 ... "That's, his own personal money this maR is girvi]'[g,"}erry says. "And jf,lad ues and gentlemen. God forbid you've had a. tragedy in yOUi' life recemly, maybe you"ve losc someone VCl1' close to yOQll,~herecould he no beeWrW3.·· to remember that loved 'One than by seHd~ng somet;hilng to J t:~ry and 1:19 S

armouncer on his weekly television show inU'odiuce.s him as "auther-educa-

tor-c;V:'J.llgelist .oral Roberrs,"

And be's

-no hands.

become the benefactor of a charity that supports medical scienee. Look, Lord

ORU, Some of Lou Brown's musicians start \,vhisper:ing beh~nd [lie curtain durin.g the Oration. J.erry shushes them. "[ pray,'" Oral fi ['I ils'~esll, p, "thateve ry
friendand every partner of tile Oral Roberts !IIinisuy win step ro (he phcac righr now. God bless you, jerry." As Oral suides pu rposcful'y out: .of rhe Space Center, Jerry tries to explainto [he Jews "'au;hillli,g wha t their boy has go"uen iiiUO. "lr gives you a strange kind of,C['lg~ ee k now Ora I Rn hem. ] b think .it's JUSt because bask-ally he's, a nk'C man, and tht'~~ all we reallv want :11l I ife is to deal j UJS~ w](h nice people." (A week after the Telernon, a Los Ange]e;,oi

Last year Orsl made hisfi D'Sf appearanee on [he . elethen on beha]f (If Oral Roberll;$ University, a major pawer in both spiritand basketball. Then Je.rl)' and his wi'Fe Paeti made an extreme~y rare joint appeasance last spring on ilIlil. t1our~I(ll:lgprime-time Oml Roberts special, Jerry did pam> of his nightdllb act, lea\l]ng OlU rhe rash bit, and then he and Patti chaue-d widl Oral about life .. Now Oml has brought his w hole re-

station carries another pri me-time Oral


Roberts special .• "Dea'c Park Here," d iooewd by Jerl)f Lewis.) ~ Clo'\lI']]lSpot #3. Ten miautes i,ong. The Qll'li.y wUlldn:ac.k IS TC:lD.aJ~kovsJ,v's Sixth Symplo:~y,lhe <'PaI1;helkll~l;;_"t's I Chrisrmasei me in C]Q'IV nWw fi" Th ree presents under the rree. They g;er opened, one ilt a time, S.low.~v and silendy. Lots ofrea.miolm shnts, Sh~QJ}ClllS his present, Ie$a~ i~w:l.Hc~nwmps tfuLe gift from he •. A b]g, de. One box Jefr, MOire reacelon shots, H im, He r. Dox, Him.aY~Ii. Hesitancy grapples w~[, nd tbey ootth wia, F]namiy. Ii mkl[~y a he cpeas the present, h's:<i, leg brace, "['~dic~a~d gentlem!tim." the fleer managee yel]s tothe a.u:dienee as the \I i~

up ol'lily :fiV\epereeat, "Fora whiku~goes, 1IJ.p W seven, i!lld ev,erybody StilUS ~el..xIllg. and t1l!e.Ull drops right: back. 00\\1]1[. i~ !Freddy's clma.mgedthe beard ~"''¢:mIt),-r()ll!illr lirn~s in th.e b~t hour. They'!1e' tbrm\ll"ing cV\erydling on." The srt.;uegy of puuiing rn.~mbcrs Oil thetote board ~s,something Fred Sc:~a,efer could tell me ~Qme!h 1i'l1l: <i!bou~-ifhe weren'[ so ili1lten~ dUUlIVOM ing me 01!U of the rOO'.m.. Room Eleven freezes when I waruk I~. 1f.~.C peQP~e. 1'1 (:l'n!e 0 phones geuing~he b;::~dtQub see Sd'l<lt:fer's doze n ,. The

p~try'ee: I~,e:le\'cfJ.] ·'Jeny's l can i1'1 g eve ry b Qdy." Ed'8 p red ie ri 0 n would req t1~rca sixteen-percent inerease over last yeaB pledges, but eheboerd ]s

pea[ jIUS,~ the cheeus, th~[ilX:Cllor fourteen

tiffl:c.. , '~oUid.e[,m.o~e'neense each tim(;:,. ... i "Now! N(llI~!" t's a d rni0" At the, end }erry is limp. Sind Mommy and rhe rese of t!llcaudience ase on t:he:~reet. f

same peop~e:are t1m""nOU~ ~o\legas ftom New york every year, "People Fred .k:nm:vshe CillO CO~.H1It 0:11,'" says. one o:f ["he t:;l!bu lalOrs, a. f1ilend orr f'~e,cl'8brarher-i [Ilaw, "peuple he krn1l.Qws: won't flake oue," f'.red's not so happywe"re w~kirn1lg;. '.~
don't~ave dl'lm.em 'ffilk. ¥ou picke,cla bad ~]me. ~t's goi~ One." Then he odis[he 1"111 A pre.~s office ]Oll' adviee ()i!il rhc best D "va)!, ttl kick me OIU. T~e mdli.o:llsase somehow s~[~i[lg ro ~QIL Jerry has been spendiaga lot of eime otlsta,ge., pcrl1i:;l!p:-s "caning every-

whhe I.e~smesuit. He leeksas goodil). :;JJ leisure suit as he sounded in singing "Ba.d BradLeroy B rO'W 1lJ. " "Meaner rhan a j!u~kyard dog: \\700£1:" He ~i~ three sengs, reads ~ ol' nreepi ech off cue r q l!aIUl,,(~o tw,o" Twefl[lf mi nuees la(ce~, :amori;te:nirnpillli: $l"U miL Thcy'rej~a$t sq lU;;Ct~l!Ig ove~' [he mi IIion line esch timlle., bl!~ th.ey'rc m<l!if101tn]l1g [he pace ~hev need for a crack at ~rrl¢W world T(:~¢tho:lm reroKi.
eseds between each tune; and pauses ~o ~et Jerry I nre['mp~ wwt:h .$] 6 million .U <l

Frank SiI'l1H[1l'S press precedes his boss enseage rh is tiMe"_ Lee gives Jerry a $500 check in honor of a man who recent Iy died of ro u sell la r dysnop hy. "\1\1(; aeee pt his money, ", Lew'is :says, "w irh ehe hope rbm [hat won't p pe n ~.g:;l!]f1." A rde Fon~t~QmC;,~ OIH bilicks:t:age,\\,,,,lkingJoe Leais il'lw the S[ptUlSOrs'seetian, b Joe going to m.tILlle;d TJmcy'U do <l!llythung m shame YOlil. at this poin~. S~I'JJ tra comes om weaf.~[Ig a a

Lee Salter,





hod y;'pe rlliu~psnot. "W WQ would he caUr Artie said !ncredu I(lU5~Ywhen I asked hum wi'!:n mil.. "Getty's dead, H lIghe-s is dead, "1\bybt::. as Ieiry

prestige ss a PllIss.yca[ is on the ~ ine, l'~t;;ygul the M~)iS1e}'ev Dance ss, dley galt the mpe'r'~pby of tb.c M:!'Irdn-aJlild~
Lc:wis. reunton, diey g,ot Lela Falana. CIJ hilire, h~s'wry. ilnd legs, 03 ry Hoff-·

This !S the nla~~or~br,cak hour, Ed's


gnet'~e IIIe3:~S end, "when we come all

of rhls, p.ka$e do

I'I!):~ applaud!"




th.e vieV!'e r ~hllt the st~dio

~"\friiJIe {~fthe Ba:chtor."Cai(Ca in C Millior, ARent 80m her verse, [he so:un,g kicks huo a nlump.handy sad ChOfiUl$, with J e(1Y <it I!Ibmost Jolsom;.sq~e: "Help memo help Q\l1C r t~.e p. il. syucm, iJnd (~e speU i,~ them . . . Now! .. Now!.. The.~e:'s, broke:n by what the e~i]]l(;\e~ C!l~ I mon- litO dmemo WOlJid"T!hc s~ot~mdI.WWJCITy key c.~.atrerr. s.tretl;:hcll. o'!.'enh r>eelong Iliotes. He 's giv~ 1;;[ ]ng his alit After .~ couple "Ross ill aU ~I>se~,'. says alli MBA (,;,00- rrhroug[h~hc song. JerryOl!odtil'w band reo. ,

i~wdap. . One fina]. ~ong, si]ent shot of }el1[Y~ [hel-clown. TheUJiilu$~:c hils a. do~,orous la5t Cll(~lf~t m ,,1'1 intlhc <Iudic:IJU,{,,1C A 5~n~ to applaud. Everybody i,~ th,e hOIJS'e gtJc.~"S~,Mnhhi:lh~.." T~ere ~siI mQm~lu of ~earuislic, maIled si~ellice, tihelJi some>O!l'I:e ~he I:mo~h s,r:;JJ[iffi m rewind :a.rn:pe in

alll,die,noe' has been moved beyond 3.MI~

~/Io~ man pe.r:solilaUy works [be smdi.o audience, cO!il.xlng ~he;m~o keep stand iJ".lg rnenesrn." ~M.2.inion ar 11 qu :;JJrrrer PaJst nno Ili.. and Sip'pla~di!1g,,$t:~,e)i''IIV3och[he mpe of "'\Ve hit Y01lJ, haed," J e[l), i~ e:x~lai ni,ng an audJelilcerouir~eem hou ~ a,g1}stamJ:ding a nd app:~a.ud ~f1g. Lewis watch es the ~)n$Clgc. "\Ve use flO devices. We smack E~dop:h.orclJilargemem (]if .~~$ ffi]d f1i.ghr y01lJ iIli the nerve ends and in [he hesre." Pa1iti has ilppea;red, iI fro:~~·-row eaeeuntet Ollt the comer of :~is eves, seat'---Stro:llg, gray, si lent, I.ookilmgH~e a. There's <If<li,nt smiie 0[1 his fsoe, Til~n sereemest fOf the role of Pat in The Fi'nol ilIe leans back 01:1 thcPQd~um (neriee litowd\te~e's a chair behind E d's pod iurn • .Dqyfi., Mommy's here. ''Tfutey esll each other Da.d:dy llnd f\.iJOIIU~.y," sa.y~ :11 fa.m.- but flO:!llJ~['Of Jerry: hemust s[aJl]d,for thos,ewho CSiIl' t), awd he laughs, ar Hy fdend. T11eto~e bOllirn gets il~ U:I'St smlil.d~ng, D~arn1l'~ lineahQU[ having to go wthe

ter of "the mov i~g of I~e wheel


the sudden shift ~}frhe ~nu-~overdrive iss~mply a. mac-


o'!l'ilt~Qn for irs relloido:ll 1.29.,763. Ncrw ~1t'S mcIDO pu ~~(~ut all cite stops. l~


b"dll'OOiffl, a'mtd he

St1)['rs bh~ng, ]tis


Jerry d!o(;Shis most

song, a rew~ite of Bany MSi~ilo>w's ]til:


t!ested 'relet.~ol'l

th~ctl$~ow. hreakiJllg IJp dle biws~... <In itl! occ~~(lnal round Qf~~p-PlJrsing. Evell w:~.e:i!l~!e.'s dornnga~eleth.on-whcn. 110~ for cx<!mpk, he liV'J.S rnl~kullgWhich Way to rhe Fr(j~H ?-Jeny goes suaig~.[
[hmlJgh nvel.lty~, twelHy-u]1J.c-hou1[

lip. Lew:us does a lot of ~ip-bitii'l.g during

sewed u le:tl"]y p3liJ.slng T~,o:~gh h~s offidal ~ouroe (If m I]ks h.aJk,e s. i[ wOliJ.1d seem adreJJ1<l~~n ]$ uave~ing, in SOli1ile

to ea t, energy l.s that Ilu~ fast com"


Can the Telethon continue its exotic growth? With all the stations it can use, the MDA may be planning more show-business coups. When the Beatles reunite, it just might be [or ~ 'Jerry' skids .~,
pan)'. (1[1 fact, as Lewis revealed


(Moose) Delgado of [he 1\'[OA kneels

1978.Iil,e had for some years beef! addieted eo rhe pain-killing drug Percedan.)

outside rhe Gseen Reom, ]75

Russians ]n col:orfu'l nanonal costumes

are wan.ting 'to go on. They are making Telerhnn history Thev're driaking




dowl!i bcJtiilliidthe executives' table nexr [0 the stage and steres opening shippililg cartons and harldi ng plasri.c bags of feni ~otJhesponsors, "You often hear people wondering," jerry observes, "i(oorpotatiol1! execu~hr,e:s le really hu man up there 'in thc]j' a irvoo:yrowers, Wdl, I've g:orrell ~o know these 'pcople, and lern metell you -rhes.e b'ig corporo~iQll exec!lriYes·

perhaps some inner sOIl,_If¢C strength of he rapped ~n dllU opening introspective
morncnt=-Lewis gets [hl'Ouglil.[he enlire song. Onl,' on the last, highest "aever" does the voice waver uncer-


r3'inly. And rhea, it's all Oi\'CI: \\ omen a:rc .valkill!g out of the Spoac.eCenrer crying, Som.e men are. The ~JP<II'I!l-tmi are j u-

page rncmo de~d.illlii'lg[heprotoeal of earporare sponsoeship to the local stations, TcI'elilollil spcnsors are premised freedom from prod uet ummels ..Bur derenee is bi~er tl'lriiln d }'strophy. So lihc'rc's a. J](= die sofr-dri nk bar set up in the mlddlc of the room, and, for chese vivid Iy casm med vislters, its a ffeJe counav The nOlJlpe comes OUitt and d\\fSds time st:ag,e, sloppmgover if! fr1!ll'l( of [he eore board. To ahuge pre-recorded uacl ..-it sounds like the S( Arm orchestra and chorus overdubbed Dud! rwo or three dmes-[he company does the openwog number from i1S nigih.ocillb act. The _t\,i(oDseyev Dancers an: in I ,a.~ Vegas because d\tejl' follow Fmlllk S~naltrn inro Caesar's fM a week , The audience

MISS,'\R AREAS.'" jerry We~nberg wrote [hat. emphatic sentence as part of a five-


but marshmallow


bi'lant, shak ing m3'l1ds wi d'o.each eehe r and \:Vi Ell lie fry \'ieinbe(~ and Bo:bRoss the 1\tBA. Ante Forrest is h1ll, the crew, It has, Wk_.eH year to get [0 all


naw break down ,uld sob from [,oml exhaustioa, He wi II take ,a C01J ple of phone calls and a co I!1pleof sleepi ng pills, and sack Ollt until arouad five dl,c !Ii,e:Xlr aftee!'ioon, Then, for a few da,ys, he'll ,keep ·'a\l'cry 1.0\1,,' pr:olile ... " The: books stay open on each year's 'Telethon u m II December, Inev~tably> ,the IDi\ will collect ove1l 100 percent of she pl.edge '1!011a1, and Jerry wwlltake full'p3.$ ads in the tmdes m ilnnounce i:'hat 'fact. Lewis and the m"l~cu'll;lif dystroph",r people would like not~i ng mose tn.n to never haveto do. lIno~her Telcn:hon, dlC}f say. A meeting to be.g]1'!planning :1lC'lU year's slQ1l!,;' j,s lle:M dla![ n~ght. srands ~\nd chee 1'5. Then the crack stares Can this thing coacinue its exurlc qmp, 1lg<[Chi ng rhe dance rs by surO gllm!.,l1!:hr Prnctccl~lIy speeking, the Teleprise, and jerEY starts dancing a cmzy thon ha ' all the srarions h cam lise. ka;z:u7..ka-fimhing spastic, Y0Q;l underThey 1I probably work on gcuilng on II stand-"l(lll<ltting and ki.C:I!dng, elding a b ;'Walk on through the wind. . . ." VHF commercial channel in ChicagO incigarette .inhis right hand, Then he j1ells stead of the PBS oudee diley had wn1976 Ceuncil campaigRs abeut the blessings a sing-song mixrure of Be brew, Yiddish, and gibberish at them, inclild~ng the of the free cnt,erj)'i'ise sysrem" .~ .Ms is and the UHF channel in InS, but in illI ~lik.eJ,ihood'[he advance pbllnmng is fofrom the heart .. Hebrew blessi ng for w~nc a.nd a comEvery ~~l1scuhU'Dystrophy tclethcn ment in Yiddish about Henry Ki5singc:rr: cused on mo~,e show-business coups. C]'1ldi$'l!iri[:Iil. Jerry's si ngj ng "YOll '~I NeVler "'mt should st.i!'!'k fro·m his head," Having S~C:!:l John and YQko ~how up in \;ValkAlone," a peclIl'i<lr ehoiee of sO:lil.gS VegflSone year. I wOll]dn't be surprised to address to crippled people, Trndi~io:&l if, when the Besrles reunhe, eheveeme It's $20 mllllen, just before three, even though the machine sdeb a,[ $to hail i~thar Lewis is so overcome bv emotogether for Jerry's kids. The show oo~ld mdlion and Ed has to walk over and nip tion i1~ this point that he can't make ~taill always get more sponsors, alehough P,at [he way rliuoughrhe song, Normally, he Wcav,er keeps wridngmernes cautionthe last number by hand .. Jerry starts , Ih.tlgging members of che crew, [he \.. m get eo about the !1m "Wali!;: o~ ing that the . elethon is getting teo com.beaeded floor manager, Larry\\'ith the tlhrough ehe wind'" and just fillally give mereial, P,erhi'lps if the dispute with , ~yasdtenia Gravis works om all, a man can C.I}'. especue cards, ;and nobod needs 'ID be told in to the tea~ycs, 'ttostand ~IPat 3: l2 \~rhcn il.lJay mggl.e- dally w jth 'those Ilumbers IlP the rC:the 'lDA might even acquire more disswitches [he bruud over to $2] rnm&on.. and he wi.H set litis micropbone eases". The mirac'!e n~$ happened agarun......!the down on the stool and \Ivan:..ofhhe srnge Tilt: last voice I hear befcre .Ieavrung in dJtlJ~kness, ]ei'lving the band re finish Mi fade of ,the Clown. l-a5 Vcga5 is Tod~Field~. siPcalking from tih,C Sti:Jflg. Larrv holds up a carol ehar says "Eight a hole run t:hJeilIi rpon ce:il illlg. "Watch Y01!Wf B!tlt th is y":!Ii r, fo:r som e re aso fIl\,i i1'1 u)\iVal k. AI.o fie," a nd l\,~ ll'c!O srep," she saysAl~

Pushovers." ~Ilm.ebody else must be buying atl those COI)~eS of Winning Through lli'limi.datiOlI. The Thompson brcrhers arc beam i'llg ar [lite man fro:m '\~amef·Lilmbert. This is a more satisfv~ng ,tributc~hall'b a hundred Advcnising

this momem,

jelfry sees noae oric. He's back where
i~aWl tarred, in the nailer. Aool)roillg m s sumeone !I he's been m,ere. Lewis