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Good Child

Good Child

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Published by Douglas A. Seifert

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Published by: Douglas A. Seifert on Sep 08, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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  • Motivation - The Key Factor
  • People Do What They Want To Do
  • All behaviors have consequences
  • Children are Gamblers
  • Children’s Tactics For Getting What They Want
  • It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
  • Changing Behaviors
  • Temperament, Emotions, and other Internal Factors
  • Understanding Temperaments
  • The Internal Switch
  • Sleep, Food and Warmth
  • Self-Confidence, Fear of Failure, and Learned Helplessness
  • Fear and Anxiety
  • Chronic Stress
  • Security and Being Noticed
  • Anger and Resentment
  • The Emotional Bank Account
  • Paying off the Mortgage
  • People Still Do What They Want To Do
  • Power Struggles and Manipulation
  • The New Improved YOU
  • The Repeating, Threatening Parent
  • 1) Say what you mean, and mean what you say
  • 2) Talk with a firm but quiet voice
  • 3) Expect First Time Obedience
  • 4) Follow up with ACTION
  • Harsh, Strict or Firm?
  • The Carrot and The Stick
  • Reward Mode vs. Punishment Mode
  • Who Owns The Success?
  • The Informal Checks And Balances Of Home Life
  • Getting Started
  • Recognize the Enemy
  • Think Ahead
  • Have A United Front
  • Get Some Support
  • Walk Your Talk
  • Reset Your Expectations And Clear The Slate
  • Where Do You Start?
  • Three Counts and You’re Out!
  • 1-2-3-Magic!
  • Time-Out
  • Rules for Time-Out
  • Variations on Time-Out
  • The 5-Minute Work Chore
  • Loss of Privileges
  • Avoiding Sudden Death
  • Other Tactics
  • The Broken Record
  • Ignoring
  • Grounding
  • Spanking
  • More Serious “Crimes”
  • Bad Morals, Disobedience and Naughtiness
  • Lying
  • Stealing
  • Seven Strategies
  • Responsibility
  • What is Responsibility?
  • Natural Consequences
  • Logical Consequences
  • Charting
  • Common Questions
  • Why isn’t it working?
  • Variations on Charting
  • Progressive Privileges
  • Contracts
  • Pocket Money
  • Payment
  • Make it a Game!
  • Praise and Compliments
  • Special Treats and Rewards
  • How to Analyze a Specific Behavior
  • Mornings
  • School Refusal And Separation Anxiety
  • Homework
  • Bedtimes
  • Midnight Wakenings
  • Night Terrors, Nightmares, and Sleep Walking
  • Early Mornings
  • I’m Bored!
  • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
  • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
  • How Are You Doing?
  • The Family Meeting
  • Slipping Back
  • They Are Getting Older
  • Final Words

There is one other pitfall that you must be very careful to avoid. I call it ‘Sudden Death’.

This is what happens:

You have been working very hard with the children all week. They too have been trying

their best, and for the most part have been polite, co-operative, and (reasonably) well

behaved. As a treat and a reward for their good behavior you have all been looking

forward to a special outing at the weekend.

But then Friday comes along. The morning was OK. But in the afternoon Jordan totally

loses it. It starts over a petty squabble with his sister. Soon it escalates into a big fight. He

hits her and she cries. You step in calmly and send him to his room. But instead of going,

he swears at you and stomps off, totally ignoring you. You get frustrated, lose your cool,

and, grabbing his ear, you march him off to his room amid cries, swearing and thrashing

arms and legs. ‘Right, that’s it,’ you growl, ‘You are not going with us on the outing!’

So what has happened? At the last minute, all the efforts and good behavior of the week

have been destroyed in one fell swoop. Instead of being able to celebrate a good week, the

family is plunged into gloom over how the week was spoiled. Instead of being motivated

to do even better next week, Jordan is much more likely to feel totally discouraged, since

no matter how well he does, it always goes wrong in the end, and so why should he even

bother trying?

Had this episode happened on Tuesday, you would probably have been able to balance it

against the rest of the good week, and you would instead have been able to see it for what

it is: a temporary setback amid some good progress. Overall, a time to rejoice rather than

mourn. A time to say: ‘Well done! You’ve had a good week. Only one setback this week,

so maybe next week you will do even better and have none.’

So be wary of the Sudden Death Syndrome – it is more than just a day’s outing that gets

killed by it! To help avoid it, you may find using the points charts very helpful. See

Chapter 4-2 on teaching responsibility.(page 77).

Dr. Noel Swanson


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