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www.beyondroutines.com Giving men back control of their dating lives
Jakob Bachman © Copyright 2007
Table of Contents
Legal Disclaimer ....................................................................................................... Page 4
My Introduction To Dating And The Seduction Community............................................ 6 How It Works ..................................................................................................................... 7
Developing Your Personal Inner Game
Stop Entertaining Women To Win Them Over .............................................................. 10 Have Standards And Screen............................................................................................ 10 The Only Pickup Lines To Use ....................................................................................... 11 The Art Of Talking About "Nothing" ............................................................................. 13 The Seduction And NLP Gambit .................................................................................... 14 The Beautiful Woman And Survival-And-Replication................................................... 15 Finding Yourself ............................................................................................................. 20 Removing Your Needy Habits One At A Time .............................................................. 21 Being A Man ................................................................................................................... 22 Casual Hookups And Relationships................................................................................ 24
Social And Biological Discussion
The Relevance Of The “Slut Defense” ........................................................................... 27 Status And Older Women ............................................................................................... 28 The Patriarchy ................................................................................................................. 29 Primates And How They Do It........................................................................................ 29 Dominance ...................................................................................................................... 32 Submissiveness................................................................................................................ 33
Strategies To Meet Women
Getting To The Point Quickly......................................................................................... 35 Which Women To Approach And Solicit ....................................................................... 35 Phone Calls And Emailing .............................................................................................. 36 Multiple Women ............................................................................................................. 36 Relationships ................................................................................................................... 37 Flirting............................................................................................................................. 37 Compliments ................................................................................................................... 38 Bars And Clubs ............................................................................................................... 38 Online Dating .................................................................................................................. 39
A Final Word................................................................................................................... 42
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General Overview 5 .
And that’s how it started. Academics and my strong desire to achieve was the precedent I was trying to follow. I was needy for more success. as I was finding myself gravitating towards certain non-seduction advice contrary to the mainstream. And it was a bad path to be on. I was becoming a pick-up artist. and met like-minded “wingmen”. I would make a post on it on the seduction forum. And I was needy to keep the success going. be-yourself. Nothing complicated by any means. Being a pickup artist means that you define success and failure by how women respond. and I would just get an echo of the usual advice: more push/pull. If you didn't get her it means you have to go back and retool. I was meeting women. getting laid. I knew I had to rethink everything and make a new foundation for myself. So I knew something was wrong. even though my skills had gotten better I was still working my ass off to get laid. etc. since everything in my life had been about constant improvement. more qualifying. It was very ironic that. 6 . This went on for a few years. but something. which now had my attention. going on dates. even though I had experienced success the neediness didn't go away. more busting. I had always done these things to various degrees but with inconsistent results. joined seduction forums. and stop using routines. listened to NLP. because you weren't good enough. advice such as. I was needy for greater success.My Introduction To Dating And The Seduction Community A few years ago I started down the road of learning to pick up women. But the problem was. I was fortunate enough to have an inkling of what was wrong. I had subscribed to newsletters. I was addressing my neediness you might say. I had realized it was finally time to deal with this part of my life called "women". It had dawned on me that the road to becoming a pickup artist is not the same as the road to becoming a man.
It’s called the Law Of Averages. etc. But which is the worst supplication? Well. Technique fails. So Guy keeps trying technique after technique to get the girl and eventually succeeds.How It Works When it comes to women there is such a thing as doing too much. on a simple natural level. Game begets more game. success had only come when I gave the appearance of not doing too much. and it goes something like this: Guy applies technique A to get girl. It was better. and courting endlessly. Guy tries technique B and also fails. Sure.. Ironically. You are well behind it. if you keep at it you will eventually succeed. And I was doing WAY too much. There’s this term used by the seduction community and it’s called supplication. they’re both not being themselves for 7 . and there’s a good name for that. compliance testing. which is supposed to give you an evolutionary edge. you CAN pull it off and convince her that you are something you are not and sleep with her. I dropped all seduction related material like a stone. Conclusion: techniques work. AMOG’ing. So all that artificiality like push/pull. It is well known that AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps) supplicate by paying compliments. Pick-Up-Artists (PUAs) supplicate by learning techniques and taking on personality traits so that they can stand apart from the AFCs. Techniques are usually transparent and to pull them off successfully requires Oscar level method acting. By using it. you are not ahead of the curve. buying dinner. I found. Once that realization hit me. The problem with this rationale is that techniques per-se don’t work that well to begin with. is mostly useless. Indeed. But. to keep the understanding of male & female dynamics. but then what? You have to maintain this façade until either she catches on or your identity breaks down.
The AFC supplicates directly.starters. Being yourself means not doing what every other guy is doing. 8 . Whether you are doing what every other guy is doing or applying original skill to stand out. Plus. and that is the problem. you are putting her on a pedestal. it means you aren’t putting in a lot of effort. whereas the PUA supplicates as a homework assignment. since you are a unique individual who has his own thoughts and ideas on different matters. And that is the way to go.
Developing Your Personal Inner Game 9 .
It’s just that you shouldn’t put them on “display” for her. For instance. some women do want to be entertained by men on dates. There is a longer. 10 . and there is no need for him to do anything more. You only have to be yourself and have your own life. and not taking whatever you can get. or better yet. The part of you that she likes is the part of you that does your own thing separate from her. Now. Simply put them aside as you get to know her.Stop Entertaining Women To Win Them Over Game begets more game. a musician does not have to play his instrument to keep a girl interested. for sure. No matter how “smooth” or skillful you are she will hold all the cards. more winding road if her mindset is that you are there to impress her. She sees him perform on stage. if you are a writer you don't have to use big words on the date to impress her. charming and stir the butterflies in her stomach. This allows her to find out for herself what you are about. Have Standards And Screen This comes down to knowing what YOU want. They want the guy to be funny. talents and skill are great to have. Now. Once they see that you are not the guy who does that sort of thing this will be a non-issue anyway. Just avoid them. Similarly. let them avoid you. Points will be tabulated against her pass/fail criteria and at best you will get a “let’s see what else you got”.
Do it to make life better for your self. Evolution has made it easy to take this stance. for either short term or long term are: height & weight requirements. Believe me. In other words don't just be selective as a technique to make your self more attractive towards women.Too many men take whatever they can get as a response to their scarcity mentality. So cash in on it. and be real about it. Men have to start taking back control back in this area of their lives. No one will ever accuse you of using someone else's rap. Be selective. Better to move on. in order to be viewed as a potential partner. "How do you feel about X?" or just a vibe I learned to read with experience. there are times when the sex will not be worth it. You will never slip up and you'll have guaranteed fresh material every time.such as friendly and open-minded. which a woman must have. 11 . either by me asking a direct question. The Only Pickup Lines To Use Being yourself will make you stand out better than the best pickup lines ever will. or even just asking the same question back at you. as there are literally millions of potential prospects out there. etc. There are instances where closing the deal is a sure thing but you realize that there are potential "emotional baggage" issues to deal with in the process of getting laid. And if her answer is sort of ambiguous then it likely means she doesn't measure up in that regard. good personality . This extends to saying No to women who you know you could have but may fall short in departments like personality. Sometimes in asking women questions to find out what they are about you will get them hemming and hawing as if trying to say the "right" thing. This has to end. feminine. My personal standards. Don't back down. Ask the question again if you have to. Some of these criteria are communicated from her to me.
starting off with these universal greetings often segues into more unique conversation. But that comes with having social skills and a personality. a move. there are things you can say which are common but which always receive a good response. Now obviously. You are admitting that you are naturally not good enough and that getting women requires special skills. If you need to rehearse a story.In the past few years the seduction community has gotten abundant media coverage with the release of “The Game”. Stop unnatural conversations with women immediately. This is a dangerous. etc. There IS a better way. in general. I can eat a bad diet and still do okay in sports but that does not mean that THAT diet is the way to go. a Kino technique. but now they are pretty much totally useless. a phone call. Nevertheless. This means getting rid of ALL routines and canned stories from your repertoire. I’m going to tell you right now. get laid. A DANGEROUS truth is that some men who do engage in these behavioral gymnastics do go on dates. For example: "How are you all doing?" and "Where are you all from?" A group of women would never say. dangerous truth because it confuses "in spite of" with "because of". "We heard that from another guy". then you are on the wrong path. a dance maneuver. a kiss technique. and there's more: "Which places do you like to go?" "What do you do for fun?" 12 . There are countless men out there using canned openers and routines on the opposite sex. "So what did you do this weekend?" "What do you think of place X?" But isn’t this the boring usual stuff guys say to women? Yep. whatever. meet women. They had limited usefulness when only a few men were using them.
The Art Of Talking About “Nothing” Why say a lot when you can say a little? Below is an example of dialogue I sometimes get into. just the key parts. being well rested. etc. So wouldn't you rather lose by being yourself rather than by wasting energy trying something else? When average guys are speaking their "boring usual stuff" they are usually coming from a needy place. getting in a social mood. The entire conversation is not shown. is coming from the SAME needy place because he IS depending on those things.. Either way you lose. But the end result is that she wants to meet me..If you feel like you have to do anything more than this than you are putting her on a pedestal. grooming. And if she expects more from you then she is putting herself above you and disrespecting you. Notice how little effort I am putting into the conversation. In this particular instance I am chatting with a woman from online.). Her: so tell me something. Her: what did you do today? Me: I went to work Me: and then I came home Her: wow. I am just talking without being too interested. The most effort you should put into meeting women is no more than the prep work you do when going out on the town (such as getting dressed up. and better stories. That is universal effort and comes with being part of society. who rehearses the better material. I'm not trying to be boring. A guy. Her: hehe 13 .
what else can you tell me about you? Her: (I'm interviewing you) Her: . If you're in XX let me know and we can have coffee Her: I don't usually chat on line . This may be true but only in the context of being your self. I will contact you the next time I come down By the way.*** Her: so. and not a technique to attract her (even though she was attracted). Me: yes... It’s just something I did to maintain my peace of mind. The Seduction And NLP Gambit The claim is sometimes made that seduction and NLP works great for some guys. I still did the right thing by not putting in a lot of effort. even if she responded unfavorably to my indifference (some do).-) Her: don't be nervous Me: that's a tough question Me: can I get back to you Her: I don't like to be in the spot light Her: what's your story? Her: you're a mystery Me: I am from another world Me: lol Her: hmm Her: are you trying to be mysterious? Her: dark and mysterious *** Her: I should get going Her: I have a lot of free time.. 14 .
Any persuasion “tool” only works if someone is sort of on the path of agreeing already. and just needs a small “push”. The other argument sometimes made is that NLP is a great persuasion tool. So once again we have ages old communication given a new-age label. that humans basically function by Surviving and Replicating. not only yourself. someone who is a natural Don Juan would gravitate towards NLP and patterning but it would not necessarily make him more successful than someone who doesn't speak that way. The pitch is: "If I can't replicate with a beautiful woman then my genes will be mercilessly weeded out of existence (therefore teach me how to replicate)". There is a lot of wrong in the above statement. 15 . but still has the depth of character and social understanding. given a new label. Indeed. Perhaps seduction and patterning language was more appropriate in Victorian times. But that isn’t necessarily using “NLP” but rather intelligent debate to convey your point of view. we have an old communication style.NLP and seductive language is only OK if it is coming from a natural place. and should probably be considered instead as a way of speaking with depth of character and social understanding. kind of like training wheels would help teach you how to ride a bike. This suggests that different verbal techniques are only useful as their ability to help bring out your natural personality. cha-ching. The Beautiful Woman And Survival-And-Replication It has been said by certain seduction community "gurus". but also your best self. That said. For example. but is not the norm at present. it can be a shortcut to figuring out.
Beautiful women are simply pretty women with lots of makeup on. with a logical interrupt (as I like to call it). It’s like a short-circuit response. What we perceive as beautiful is the result of lots of makeup and the right clothes. perception of attainability and un-attainability. with modern beautification methods women can boost their attractiveness to a level that men are not naturally wired to cope with. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. all rolled into the decision of what constitutes a true Hot Babe. there's this notion of 'beautiful woman'. and it is this: Beautiful women spend all this effort creating the illusion of beauty so guys can spend all this effort chasing it. But it can be overcome. See the pictures below for pictures of women before and after makeup. 16 . So the HB10 is all in your head. It can be pretty surprising. Indeed. So you get men doing all sorts of stupid things around these women.For starters. There is male ego involved.
engineers. As it stands. is that it puts women on a pedestal. etc. S&R also shifts focus away from our true potential. We are inventors. musicians. Now I should mention that. women do have replication (reproductive) value as they have the burden of carrying the child. like most other models taught to attract women. But where S&R twists this is by giving women value because they can give us sex. by rights. We are more than survival and replication. So here you have something which has elements of truth but which is twisted into a lucrative marketing image of men having to learn how to seduce to keep their genes alive. But if this is true then why do Naturals balk at the use of methods? Because in their world it makes no sense to be analytical and try to "problem solve" their way into a woman's pants. 18 . This so-called "internalization" is a way of saying that some men have to learn what comes naturally to others. Unfortunately. Every step and routine followed is like adding one more gem to her "crown". Another consequence of this model. The argument by proponents is that S&R is inter-twined in human existence. If we were simply S&R then we would be willing to dig in the dirt all day and cat call girls as they walk by. scientists. But it allows a lot of the blanks to be filled in with whatever makes the most money. and that guys who are naturally good with women have all these skills internalized. It’s just not cool and places too much darn importance on the issue to even consider it. True enough but a gross simplification. artists. The same “gurus” also say that seducing women is a skill learned like any other. explorers. unlike us. That's like saying the same about food and water.Now let's talk about Survival and Replication. it feeds off the self-esteem and bank account of those men who have no real masculine role models. the S&R model is a flawed premise wrapped by scientific half-truths to make it seem valid. And it goes against the carefree vibe and just having fun when they go out.
We have more control over this than one may think. And this sells. These methods work best for in-field instructors as they take their "entourage" of students out on the town. But what's the point of that? Just chill out and treat them normally. So in this context. The only times it seems to work is with guys who come out of their shell when using the "method".. It's a placebo effect. the instructors socialize using their "method". and they end up feeling worse than before. It's MUCH easier to BE non-needy then go through 20 steps to make you look non-needy. Men everywhere are giving themselves over to feelings of neediness and loneliness using the. don't you think? It avoids inner game anxiety and you're not lying to yourself.. their identity breaks down. Indeed. 19 . and you will get the same result. not directly anyway. you might be asking? It doesn't. Meeting women is not a skill the way welding or cooking is a skill. It's a natural process. "It's an instinctive drive" as rationale. But it's only temporary success. we do have an instinctive drive to reproduce but that just means that we can enjoy sex (like food) without necessarily fixating on it. and voila.But. women will sense this and make it more difficult for you. It gets them talking and feeling good about themselves because they now have a "way to get the girl". Eventually. meaning that to SUCCEED you have to apply effort & skill in a way that makes it look like you are not applying effort & skill. attract women in the process. act non-needy (also codified as part of THEIR method). This by itself is attractive to women as it gives the instructors a perceived rank in their eyes. It’s brilliant. and adding artificial difficulty to it will work against you. and turn you into a misogynist. When you are PUSHING for an outcome. So the more you try and apply effort & skill the more they resist. socializing without being needy.what if this stuff ACTUALLY works. But you can save yourself lots of bad information and $$$ by going out with your friends. And unscrupulous men are compounding this problem and milking it for as much money as they can.
You'll notice a difference from back in the day when you used to hesitate before approaching. and wondering what to say. It could be anything. 20 . There is nothing wrong that needs fixing. before releasing their creations into the community and gaining recognition. You'll have a certain energy and enthusiasm which will be contagious. You just need to reframe the situation and be happy regardless. Our social value. or building something in your workshop. a new language. You're going backwards by trying to have women in your life to complete your existence. The choice to be happy is there. is created by men. And when you go out. get busy with your life. maybe relying on "warm up sets" to get you going. They will compete with other women to fit into a world. a sport. You're already warmed up just from doing what you've been doing.Finding Yourself We are able to achieve much with our intelligence and ambition. Find something you are good at and something you can really get into and focus on that. So there is no need to establish social pecking order for the sake of social pecking order. and it's DEFINITELY within your control. This is especially true for men who can isolate themselves for periods of time in order to focus on their goals. like learning a new instrument. The point is. Women are more inclined towards that sort of thing anyway. in this regard. which for the most part. as meeting new people becomes a by-product of the interesting things you have to share. is core to us doing our own thing. talk to people and share those things you've been doing. Fear and nervousness take a back seat. without any dependence on others for fulfillment.
which makes it easier to not do them next time. Here are some examples of needy habits: • • Constantly obsessing over lost opportunities and the girl(s) you could have had Fantasizing when you hear from an attractive girl or get a positive reaction from an attractive girl • Obsessing over the words you write in emails to girls. We’ve all been there.Removing Your Needy Habits One At A Time Needy habits can be described as empty feelings associated with a lack of something external. which are repeating themselves over and over for you. They are your private notes. One way to develop awareness of these habits is to make a list of them as you find yourself doing them. to "impress" her When you're in a public place. And you don’t have to share them with anyone. looking around to find the attractive girls rather than just glancing or noticing them. Realize that when it comes to women. your neediness may have manifested itself over the years in all sorts of habits. Making a list requires a conscious effort. The same goes with spending too much time looking at attractive girls in public rather than just glancing or noticing them while doing your own thing • • Letting the sting of jealousy get to you when you see an attractive girl with a guy Thinking about a particular girl who (for example) lives next door. or rehearsing phone calls in your head • • Obsessing over what to say or do. and making a point of being outside when she comes home 21 . They’re not fun to have and can really deplete from the quality of your life if you let it. however silly they may seem. It can be as simple as you carrying around a notepad and writing them down right after the fact.
just because there are a lot of girls there • Browsing online profiles for the sole purpose of checking out attractive girls. rather than just passing them over if the associated article isn't interesting • Wanting to move somewhere. but believe me it's therapeutic. rather than just chilling out and doing your own thing while she does hers • When reading through a newspaper/magazine. stopping to look at the pictures of the attractive women.• Feeling the need to be social at a club because you have heard that it's more attractive. It even starts to get a bit circular 22 . or go somewhere. So it’s disturbing when guys discuss which "man" to be. Being a man means that you can’t be controlled through your feelings even if it means that you are “emotionally unavailable”. and strong. An extension of this is. Being a man means knowing what you want and not compromising on it. if you're talking to a girl at a club and she goes to talk to some other people. confident. rather than reading profiles to see which girls may be compatible with you • Collecting porn It could take weeks or months to make a complete list of all your needy habits as you go through your daily routines. Being A Man Being a man means that you are responsible. and which personality to emulate to be more successful. Making the list is just a way to help “jar” this process inside you if you aren’t there yet. you feel the need to talk to other people as well to maintain your "status" in her eyes. An important realization is that if you are just chilled out none of these will happen. rather than just being social because it's enjoyable. to best attract women.
when guys are told to have standards. So it never occurs to them to strategize to get girls. Women are attracted to men not pickup artists. But a pickup artist defines validation by how women respond. Having standards is not a seduction technique (although it has been twisted as such in seduction circles). Some of the external behaviors might appear similar but what goes on in the inside is VERY different. Naturals are good examples of real men who get validation from the inside. They don't do anything special. The road to being a PUA is not the same as the road to becoming a man. and they agree BUT then they get upset when they don’t get the girl duh! That’s not why you adopt standards. Being a man is built on a solid foundation from within and validation comes from the inside. It is this artificiality that creates inner game problems. It's just not the place he is coming from at all. But the realization to make is that naturals never come from a place of having to ask this question. You would never see a natural posting for very long on a seduction forum because seduction (a form of strategy to get girls) is irrelevant in his world. They allow you to be congruent with your natural personality. So when connections are made they tend to last longer. hence the artificial nature of it. and not associate with anyone who doesn't fit with those standards. This can be frustrating for men who want to find out what it IS that they do. They fit what you want and you fit what they want. They relate to women in a normal way. Standards tell people that they are with you not just because you can’t get anyone else. 23 . Standards let you be yourself. Why? They don't care about the outcome.
or redirect the topic. When you lay your cards on the table like this there is only one agreement to enter into with her. If you want something casual with no-strings. Social expectations and scarcity mindsets should play no role in the kind of arrangement you are open to.but we can still hang out and have fun if you want" There is no reason to lie. It's direct and doesn’t waste anyone’s time. It is what you want deep inside. so there is no reason to spell it out. If she doesn’t. They accept your frame and there is no room for discussion. Here’s the kind of language to use if you’re not sure what to say: "I don't want a relationship. Therefore there is no room for further debate if she responds by saying: "I'm not easy you know". but I should tell you I don't sleep with guys on the first date" These might seem like reasonable objections but they are not. You are not being crude. Everyone knows that no-relationship implies something casual.. so there 24 . It only becomes a problem if that person reacts badly and starts getting defensive. At the very least you will be respected for it. People all over are meeting and interacting with no agenda whatsoever. spin. and that is Complete Cooperation. In this case you cut your losses and move on.. You just lay it out simply and clearly. then be honest about it. then just cut your losses and move on.Casual Hookups And Relationships What do you want? There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Accepting them or trying to compromise means that you are not firm in your beliefs and that would make you weak. or "I don't want a relationship either.
25 . So stick to your guns and stick with those people who fit in with your plans.is no reason to feel that you are doing anything wrong.
Social And Biological Discussion 26 .
but women who are attracted can act in a way that makes it seem not real. honest. and the best women will no doubt appreciate that. men talk about how to disarm or circumvent the social mask women have. or anything related to someone’s sense of self-preservation. as it's the only way to avoid unreasonable expectations from someone who may not be operating at an adult level. You can say. and that will suffice. with no one else around. so if the moment of truth does come it will be a slippery slope since your agenda was not clear. So don't worry about it.The Relevance Of The “Slut Defense” On some seduction forums. But is it really necessary to manage this interruption mechanism women have? The problem with trying to compensate for the "slut defense". It is best to be upfront. especially at the beginning. There is no fancy footwork required here. "Let's go to my place". The "slut defense" is real. is that it's impossible to absolve anyone of responsibility for his or her actions. and convey that you are not one to judge. So if she wants to hook up with you she will make it real easy. It also makes the experience more enjoyable as both parties are consenting and fully able to live the moment. It's direct. This is a defense women have against appearing too "easy" for their sexual conduct. Frame it as you two having fun. called the "slut defense". You don't have to be crude. This covers all your bases. And if she wants to know what you have in mind (like it isn't obvious) then tell her " I was thinking we would have sex". And in trying to do so you are risking ambiguity on your part (weak). 27 .
And naturally. combined with more world experience. I realize this goes against many men's belief that younger is better but my preference is well rooted. women who take care of themselves. their interest in sex goes up. that will only get you so far and if so. Also. just older. maybe it's time for a wake up call if you find yourself constantly pining for the young "hotties". There’s this and the ego of men who confuse "harder to get" with "better". Well. 28 . which for me makes them the better pick over their younger sisters. from an evolutionary perspective. The younger girls I'm talking about are those expressionless. and so does their tendency to initiate sex. who is in her thirties (sometimes forties). It's the media and our programming as males that bias our view towards the younger women. It's a combination of all around physical and mental maturity. their egos (and Maxim) tell them that the younger ones are the ones to go for. They don't have much to say.a bit scarce in the social skills department. My best experiences were with older women. and knows what she wants and likes. They are usually less experienced.Status And Older Women I happen to have a preference for older women. Barbie doll types. For many men. Can't afford passivity at this point. In fact. high self-esteem. women 30+ have less reproductive time left so it makes sense for their bodies to ramp-up their attractiveness to attract mates. but let's look at some logic here. and fun personality. dolled up. defines true sexiness in my book. Not old. more whimsical. The intelligent. their bodies are only HINTING at the shape they'll eventually have . often times .that body shape of a women who is sexually peaked. This. Their bodies are not as matured.
That's it. and men to generally be the leaders. Nature works in harmony when everyone understands his or her roles. Men were the dominant force because we were strong enough to be the dominant force. unnatural courtships. This has often resulted in dysfunctional dating practices. In many human cultures mating has been defined in the spirit of what we think it ought to be. With legislation absent this becomes the reality. verbal communications from women indicating that they want a submissive man while sub-communicating that they want the opposite. Now 29 . the doublethink mentality many women have wanting a strong but sensitive man. How many times have you read an article on what to do and not to do on a date? It's endless. Primates And How They Do It The social structure of primates (especially chimpanzees . and massive confusion and gender wars.our closest relative in the animal kingdom) resembles our own in many ways. When culture aligns with biology things work well. If you want the truth you have to look at nature and history. It's only when the culture doesn't align with our predispositions that we get all the problems: Men being emasculated. and it's these differences that have allowed the patriarchy to happen. men and women programmed to "date" before having sex and all the fallout from that. The male solicits the female or vice versa and she or he accepts or rejects. There are so many negative spinouts just because we aren't acting according to our true natures. women being given the power but are still unhappy. The mating practice of chimps is pretty straightforward. I'm talking about mating patterns.The Patriarchy Men and women are different. They are either into each other naturally and right now or forget about it. It's unbiased. There is no longer-term evaluation process. But there is one way in which we really deviate from them (and not really in a good way).
Males initiated 76. or leave).7% were accepted by the males. In this paper. but rather baiting the females into coming to him. and of these. the female chimps were observed to be especially promiscuous (less choosy) when the risk of pregnancy was low. scream. but the males initiate sex more frequently. So whether the male or female initiates it is the female who is responsible for establishing proximity for purpose of copulation..there may be several factors that go into how mate selections are made.7% were accepted by the females". based on rank. and of these.7% of sexual interactions. females can either respond cooperatively (rapidly approaching the soliciting male and presenting for copulation) or resist a male (ignore the solicitation. Stumpf and C.M. by R.3% of sexual interactions. Côte d’Ivoire". 71. The acceptance numbers are similar for the males and females. Boesch. avoid the male. the results of an extensive study on the mating behavior of wild chimps in the Taϊ National Park. etc. is presented. appearance. From page 4 of this publication: "In a sexual interaction initiated by females. 78. From page 7 of this publication: "Females initiated 23. There was a recent journal paper published in 2006: "The efficacy of female choice in chimpanzees of the Taï Forest. In the study. This ties into my discussion on Dominance in the next section. But they were choosier when the chance of 30 . males can either resist a female or copulate. In a sexual interaction initiated by males. but all that is rolled into a fast decision." This implies that the male isn't approaching or chasing females for sex.
And some ways to do that are: • Small talk followed by invitation for "drinks" at your place if it happens to be close by • Invitation to your place directly. the females of which usually offer reconciliatory sex to the male even if his courtship sucked. skipping dating completely 31 . It’s not working that well. the females could effectively resist unwanted copulations and were generally successful in influencing paternity • Environmental and demographic conditions can affect mating success rates. During this time they would mate more frequently with the higher-ranking males. supplication. This doesn't happen with humans though. gifts. cultural conditions are an influence If you look at what’s happening around us. It's in our nature. In other words. by resisting solicitation. So we got to be direct. etc. it seems that many are trying to cheat the “system”. If we did then by rights we would resemble the Bonobo apes. Some other interesting conclusions from the publication are: • • The male chimps tend to prefer the older females Female sexual choice is largely directed towards higher-ranking males with some personal preference for certain males who may be of lower ranking • • Female chimps mate more frequently with the older males Persistence on the male’s part doesn't make for greater mating frequency.pregnancy was highest. In other words. dates. This overall strategy would secure a high number of affiliations while also securing the best genes. female chimps. aren't selecting for persistent or more aggressive males • Despite clear male dominance. It is not the case that humans evolved past fast hookups and are now at the evolutionary stage where the male courts the female via dinner.
Women do indeed "choose" but the fact is that her sexual choices (especially for very feminine women) are more about being 32 .• Wordless sexual initiation like a sudden rush into a nearby washroom or bedroom If you don't believe this works then you should try it. Dominance is interesting in that. Similarly. but being dominant means not wondering if it's ok to touch her. Conversely. etc. It is for this reason that learning routines and “game” is a turn-off. Since men and women know relatively quickly if they're sexually attracted. then in a way it is disrespectful to draw it out when you know they know where you stand. if she comes to you then you are still in the dominant position. It just doesn’t apply. Dominant (not domineering) men are naturally attractive to women. someone can’t be submissive if you ask them what they want you to do. Similarly. kiss her. This is not to say that female sexual cues don’t exist. You are giving her greater status than yourself. Dominance If you are making sexual advances on a woman in a direct way without "asking". and causes men inner game problems. calibrating your behavior to match a woman’s values is also giving her status and putting her in the dominant position. This is why asking a woman what she looks for in a man will generally yield an unrealistic answer because she is being asked to assume a dominant position. They do. to be dominant you can’t ask someone how to be dominant. you are behaving dominantly. Men often make the mistake of thinking: "She needs to give me permission to be dominant/take charge". or "What signs does she give me when she wants me to make a move?" This is a contradictory and submissive mindset.
This means that for the most part you (respectfully) decide the direction of the interaction. and equality isn't simple. But the latter is not something you have to rely on. Her self-esteem is already taken care of so she can comfortably be the woman in the relationship. I have my role. The best relationships are when the man and woman are both not operating in the same dominance hierarchies. Being dominant can trigger sexual cues from her just the same way it can opportunistically "cash in" on her sexual cues if you happen to notice them. It is trying to strive for the 50/50 that causes most problems. She can be very intelligent AND very accomplished . 33 . The reason that you don't see 50/50 in nature is because it's the path of most resistance. And since Dominant and Submissive are two extremes they are easy to remember .by not agreeing to anything she suggests unless it’s what you want.there is little confusion. which is not the case (if they have standards).receptive based on what you have done and are doing rather than what she gives you permission to do.so much so that in that her relationships she doesn't mind the man taking the reigns of leadership. You have yours. Submissiveness It is normal for a man to want a submissive woman. Nature likes things simple. It is not a matter of you not respecting her opinions or her lacking intelligence. which means she doesn't mind deferring most of the power to the man because that is what makes her feel feminine. Another problem with calling women the “choosers” is that it implies that men are always willing to say “yes”. either directly (“Let’s do this”) or indirectly . as everyone knows their role.
Strategies To Meet Women 34 .
pulling her close. She doesn't want to have sex with you and it is considered rape to push it all the way. touching her erogenous zones. Avoid treating this like a numbers game where you’re trying to get laid. That’s easy enough. using "light" force.i. In ALL these cases she has to submit quickly such that no additional force is needed to maintain her proximity with you . pushing her onto the bed.Getting To The Point Quickly Getting to the point quickly means that she accepts (or declines) quickly. when meeting a girl in public. Physically soliciting her is best done in isolation. She will enjoy this more anyway. And if you do have sex. move on.g. don’t be concerned if she is having orgasm or not. or pushing her against the wall. sexual Kino. For example. Which Women To Approach And Solicit Not all of them. “My place is close by. and raw masculinity. If she resists you by moving away in a manner that suggests more than token resistance then you have to let her go. She will know that this means sex. you verbally make your intent known very early (e. Let’s go hang out for a bit”). You see someone you might be interested in and make small talk with her for a few 35 . which means no courting or chasing after her if she distances herself from you. She has to accept your solicitation quickly. Just enjoy yourself and move her body the way you like. undoing her pants. and move on.e. If she solicits you and assuming that she’s your type. she is maintaining proximity with you by her own choice. and no going on a “date” if she wants to do that instead. You go out because you have something to do like shopping or going to the bookstore. just go to your place or her place directly. Persistence won't work. If she reacts with more than minor token resistance. This can be. and in general won't get you significantly more sex.
or whatever). And I know the fallout of that so I avoid it completely. But there are times when she will give you her number (or email) and tell you to contact her. until you succeed. Just finish your errand(s) and then go home. Personally I don’t bring up the issue but if she asks if I’m seeing anyone else I tell her that I am. and then another. Furthermore. I personally don’t do that anymore. This also preserves my dominant status. Avoid the temptation to find another girl. Not a big deal. If she accepts you go to your place directly or you give her your contact information in case she can’t come right now but has time later. you invite her to your place for a drink (or hang out. You like what you see and hear and if she is responding well. as it would mean I really want her. 36 . I would advise you do the same. Phone Calls And Emailing If you do the above you will never have to call a woman. I told her what I’m about and it is up to her to contact me. then you end it gracefully with a “Nice talking to you”. If she declines. You are entering “needy” territory if you do this. She is free to do the same.minutes. At this point she either accepts or declines. she has to do the same for all future hookups (assuming it’s strictly casual). Multiple Women There is no limit to the number of women you can have in your life. and continue on with what you’re doing. It’s whatever you have time for.
Flirting Flirting can be fun if it’s part of your natural personality. which avoids sex being used as a bargaining chip. but I don’t go to the beach for the bars. Regardless of wanting something casual or more serious. There’s more give and take than in casual hookups. or whatever. This could be agreeing to her invitation to go to a concert because she has an extra ticket. You just have to go along with it. This means no attempts from her to usurp the power in the relationship. That makes it very natural and matter-of-fact. Let her do the work to develop it if a relationship is her goal as well. 37 . Great relationships start with intimacy right away. the above still applies. let it evolve past the initial few hookups.. I go for a tan Me: and how’s that tan going? Her: not even at all.I must work on it Me: wouldn’t mind seeing those tan lines I usually go back and forth between flirting and normal conversation.Relationships If a relationship is your goal. It’s something I enjoy doing sometimes and can go from zero to flirt very rapidly. Here’s an example: Her: that beach is crazy Me: bars aren't that great there Her: no.. and she has to make it easy for you to be the man. but you still have to be the man.
One way to make sure of that is to ask yourself this before going out: "Am I doing this just to meet girls?" If the answer is yes then either change your reason for going out or do something else. By going out with the purpose of just having fun regardless of what happens you will be immune to negative thought loops. You will completely avoid the usual obstacles guys in the seduction community face. Bars And Clubs Bars and clubs are places to go to meet people and have a good time. Just greet people in a normal way. “Where are you all from?” “What’s going on tonight?” Or just comment on what’s going on at the place you’re at. screwing up “DHV”. etc. For example. “cockblocks”. This should not be your primary goal. Approach anxiety will also be non-existent because you’re not seeking an outcome.Compliments Compliments are okay if they are genuine and based on an accomplishment. These obstacles won’t exist for you because this terminology and way of thinking will not be a part of your mindset. problems such as. 38 . not being able to pump “buying temperature”. Some guys have the goal of going there to get laid. Looks aren’t an accomplishment so don’t compliment them.
plus the kind of relationship you’re looking for (casual or serious). and you still take the shortest path to get there. It’s pretty straight forward if a woman shows interest in you. “Let’s get out of here”. It can be a great supplement to your social life as it can be done at all hours of the day. Online Dating These days. This could be a height.Talk for a few minutes and then go talk to another group of people. even in your pajamas. Just focus on your dancing. but only if they socialize as well. 39 . put a picture up and start messaging or receiving messages. But don’t look around as you’re doing so. body-type. and people can tell the difference. Or get a drink at the bar and then chill out by the dance floor for a while. If they are the type of guys who like using canned openers and routines then let them. It can be better to go out with friends. You write a profile. You can still solicit women that you find interesting but what can also happen is that they will solicit you as they see you interacting with others and having a good time. or ask her to wait a bit until later when you’re ready to leave. That’s their personality and you have yours. Internet dating makes it easy to convey standards. You can either say. You just write them directly in your profile. You are still open about what you want. online dating is a very popular way of meeting people. If you feel like dancing then go and dance. The way you go about meeting women from online is similar to how you would meet them out in public. If a woman finds you attractive she will be especially motivated to act on that attraction when she sees you interacting with other women. and personality requirement.
Dating Sites I personally like plentyoffish.com. Men’s magazines have good examples of these kinds of photos.) • • Mention the kind of relationship you are open to (casual or serious) Say that even if things don’t go the distance you just want to have fun right now. lavalife. Adult dating sites like adultfriendfinder. and craigslist. You want to avoid being the type of guy who sends tons of messages hoping for a connection. Here’s an example of a good response to your profile: 40 .com. many more messages than men. body type. personality type. You will only respond to messages from women who match what you’re looking for. and you will only send messages to women who have well-written. Your Online Profile Here’s an outline for the type of profile to write.org. women get many. So short-term meaningless sex is OK And for photos use one of you with friends and one where it’s just you. unique profiles and who match what you’re looking for. Messaging Online Generally.com never worked that well for me. Use your own wording: • State the type of woman you are interested in meeting (height range. etc. A good photo is one that shows you looking comfortable with yourself.
quite assertive and I know how to have a good time. We can chat there for a bit. I'm a brunette. Here’s an example of a not so good response: “Hi! How are you? I'm a chef. I see we might be on the same page. and she has to agree to what you want with no compromising. write back. Well. 5'7". which is what you want. I have a great smile and I'm confident that you won't be disappointed. I'd like to learn more about you. green eyes.. You can meet after one or two email exchanges or brief IM chat. very busy. John” Getting To The Point Quickly Online Getting to the point quickly applies online as well. Responses have to be positive. very attractive. the first email can be as simple as: “Hey. I'm looking for someone to go out for a glass of wine with and have a great laugh with.will I?” This type of response (although good in some ways) raises a red flag. friendly. 41 . Here’s my msn XXX. athletic. well boring. just don’t be confrontational about it.. If you'd like to learn more about me.” This is a friendly response. If you write her first. All of the guys I meet are either boring or. I rarely talk on the phone anymore. You can even skip the phone. <Insert a comment on something that was unique about her profile>. It’s OK to have standards. because she puts it out there that she has standards in a way that seems confrontational. I'm looking for a guy who can keep up:) I'm sexy. So meetings should happen quickly or you move on.“Hey.
You will have everything you need to be happy. after internalizing the basics. Of course right now you are not truly indifferent towards women since you bought this book. tell her it was nice meeting her. walked back to my room and had sex. But. A Final Word I’ve given you a lot to take in. I told her to meet me outside the hotel (allowing us to first make sure that we look like each others picture). Then invite her back to your place (you should meet her close to your place anyway). I didn’t try to cover every scenario as I feel it’s best to avoid “flow-chart” type of thinking when it comes to human interactions. But it’s a means to an end. If she declines. So I wrote her and set up a meeting via MSN.A few months ago I met this woman who wrote a profile that said she was looking for something casual. 42 . It's a mindset of indifference and I've shown you the way to get there. Eventually. only meet for one or two drinks. We met. The ultimate mindset boils down to you being happy with your life regardless of how many women. stop participating in any seduction forums you may be a member of. and ignore any fad marketing coming at you. you will be. You will unsubscribe to all the seduction newsletters you might be receiving. are part of it. I was in town visiting so I just invited her directly to my hotel. and then be on your way. It might feel safer than inviting a stranger directly to your house. At that point you will no longer care about the latest advice on how to get "hot chicks". It’s up to you if you want to meet for drinks first.
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