A BIBLICAL PORTRAIT OF MARRIAGE Session 11 COMMUNICATION: Speak the Truth in Love Introduction Not long ago after the

wedding, couples often experience difficulty in communicating. Some retreat behind silence. . .some erupt in anger. . .and some fail to listen. Illustration: My first experience to ride in a ship put me in trouble because of communication. I went to the CR and placed my soap on the washing table and a man came and said, “Imo ni habon.” I said, “No.” I was surprised he took my soap and left. Interaction: • Why do we need to communicate in marriage? • Why do couples do not communicate or communication?

what

causes

poor

-Jesus is called “logos” the Word of God. It means He is the Word of God, speech of God. Then it was said, “the heavens declare the glory of the Lord.” -God has given us His Word, the Bible to communicate His heart. -The problem in communication is seen everywhere among children to parents, husband and wife etc. -Many counselors say that the breakdown/conflict in marriage starts with poor communication. -Again, I am not going to present to you what the world says about communication by presenting 10 ways but we will see the Bible and learn what God is teaching us about it. Martin Luther says, Think of all the squabbles Adam and Eve must have had in the course of their nine hundred years. Eve would say, ‘you ate the apple’, and Adam would retort, ‘you gave it to me.’ -Did you notice that ‘little things bother us.”

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Dennis Rainey says, “Conflict often starts with something small, even inconsequential. As someone has said, people who claim that small things don’t bother them never slept in a room with a mosquito.” How do you communicate? -Tongue is used as a tool to communicate. In what ways is the tongue pictured in Scripture? • Horse and bit

James 3:3, “Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body.” • Ship and rudder

James 3:4, “Look at the ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires.” • Boasting tongue

James 3:5a, “Even to the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.” -“I’m am great.” “ I am number one.” Pride. • Tongue as fire

James 3:5b-6, “See how great a forest a little fire kindles. And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature, and it is set on fire by hell.” -Tongue destroys a marriage. • Tongue as serpent

Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” -It speaks lie just what happened in the garden of Eden. • Tongue as sword

Proverbs 12:18, “There is one who speaks like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” 2

-Tongue can cut a person or marriage. What fundamental principles of communication are presented in James 1:19? 1. Swift to hear-“Say it again please. I didn’t understand you. Can you repeat it.” 2. Slow to speak-Not listening but preparing to say the word while the other is still speaking. 3. Slow to wrath-Why do you think wrath is included? Because one reason for conflict in communication is anger. -Wrath is the problem of communication. James 1:26, “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.” -You and your tongue. What is the proper response to anger? A soft, gentle answer. Proverbs 15:1, “a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” How does Ephesians 4:25-32 portray godly communication? Ephesians 4:25-26: 1. Don’t lie. Lying comes out of mouth destroys communication 2. Speak the truth. It means the whole truth not half or partial truth. Truth makes us free from what? Anxiety and fear. 3. Be angry and don’t sin. What is the root of incorrect communication? It’s anger. -What is the solution of anger? Read on. 4. Reconcile immediately. Why? Read verse 26, “Nor give place to the devil.” What root problem must be addressed in order to have healthy communication? Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt communication proceed. . .” -Corrupt means foul, unclean, improper,

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Ephesians 4:30: “And do not grieve the Spirit. . .” Ephesians 4:31: 6 things that cause corrupt communication: Issue inside of me not with the person. What causes corrupt communication and what causes the Spirit to grieve? 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) Bitterness Wrath Anger Clamor is loud voice, noisy, or yelling. Evil speaking Malice is intention to do no good.

Sin inside of me causes corrupt communication. Ephesians 4:32: 3 things that blesses communication: 1) Kind to one another 2) Tenderhearted 3) Forgiving each other Clean up your heart. Don’t look at the one you are talking with, look to yourself and see if there is a problem within you. Forgive is the solution in order to have good communication. 1 Peter 3:8, “Finally all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tender hearted, be courteous.” -The lesson is that when you are misunderstood or when your spouse says bad words is to be compassionate, love, tender hearted and be courteous. 1 Peter 3:9, “Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit the a blessing.” -Responding in love even when you are misunderstood brings blessing. -You care called to being a blessing. -“Inherit” means if you want good life do good. Matthew 12:36,”But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.” -Idle word means spoken casually, jokes. Matthew 12:37: “For your words you will be justified, and by your words you will condemned or judged.”

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The biblical principle tongue: Ken Durham says, “The primary speech organ, the birthplace of our words, is the human heart.” What is the principle of good communication? What the secret of good communication? -Speak the truth in love. Speak (my responsibility), (content/message), love (not in anger but understand and compassion). -We need 5 words, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” -“If you really want to, you can stop fighting today immediately.” How? The secret? Extend your tongue until the tip just barely protrudes between your upper and lower front teeth. -In any situation, “agree to communicate.” truth

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