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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

The Big Book of Question and Answer Jokes The silliest selection Ever?

Version: Version date: Collated by:

1/00 Jul 2002 http://Gasonga.com/

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Page No: 1

Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Bestsellers for Silly Jokes from Amazon.com
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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Christmas Q: What time of year do most people go crazy? A: Christmas they all get Santa-mental. Q: How do Spanish-speaking sheep say Merry Christmas? A: Fleece Navidad! Q: How would you fire Santa? A: Give him the sack... Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missile toe! Q: If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind would it be? A: A Holly Davidson. Q: What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman? A: Have an ice day! Q: What did one angel say to the other angel? A: Halo there! Q: What did one Christmas tree say to the other Christmas tree? A: I really go fir you! Q: What did Santa say when his toys misbehaved? A: Toys will be toys. Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? A: Okay everyone, sack time!! Q: What did the grape say to the raisin? A: 'Tis the season to be jelly. Q: What do aliens say when they land at the North Pole? A: Take me to your heater. Q: What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? A: Cross mouse cards.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet! Q: What do penguins ride? A: Ice-Cycles. Q: What do the reindeer sing to Santa on his birthday? A: Freeze a jolly good fellow. Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? A: Sandy claws. Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert? A: Lost. Q: What do you call a snowman on roller blades? A: Snowmobile. Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? A: Ribbon hood. Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? A: Santa Clues. Q: What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month? A: The letter "D". Q: What goes Ho-Thud, Ho-Thud, Ho-Thud? A: Santa Claus with a skipping rope. Q: What is a computer's favourite Christmas carol? A: Array in a Manger. Q: What is a skunk's favourite holiday song? A: Jingle Smells. Q: What’s black and white and found in the Sahara Desert? A: A lost penguin. Q: What’s black, white and green and black and white?

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

A: Two penguins fighting over a pickle. Q: What’s the medical name for Fear of Santa. A: What is claustrophobia Q: What is Santa's favourite breakfast cereal? A: Frosted Flakes. Q: What is Frosty's favourite breakfast cereal? A: Snow Flakes. Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish. Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas? A: Do I have to eat the Brussel sprouts? Q: Where do you go to get holly for Christmas? A: The Holly-land. Q: Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree? A: After Christmas one and two. Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? A: Santa Jaws. Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because the angel had said,"No L!" Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? A: He was feeling crummy. Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: Because he likes to ho-ho-ho. Q: Why does Scrooge like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? A: Because every buck is dear to him. Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas? A: Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr! Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Horror Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? A: He's all right now. Q. Have you seen Quasimodo? A. He went to lunch but I have a hunch he's back! Q. How can you tell that a vampire likes cricket? A. He turns into a bat every night. Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? A: All the jam has been sucked out of the doughnuts. Q: How does a girl vampire flirt? A: She bats her eyes. Q: What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae? A: Whipped scream. Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert? A: I Scream. Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch? A: Fish and ships. Q: What do witches put on their hair? A: Scare spray. Q: What do you call a monster with no neck? A: The Lost Neck Monster. Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A: A sand witch. Q: What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A: A sour-puss. Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A: Bamboo.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A: He is mist. Q: What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre? A: The actors get stage fright. Q: What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? A: Decomposing. Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A: Mas-scare-a. Q: What kind of mistakes do spooks make? A: Boo boos. Q: What kind of music do ghosts listen to? A: Sheet music. Q: What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A: A boo-tie. Q: What was the witches' favourite subject in school? A: Spelling. Q: What's a ghost's favourite desert? A: Boo-berry pie. Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? A: It's a pain in the neck. Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day? A: Day scare centres. Q: Where do most werewolves live? A: In Howllywood, California. Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation? A: Mali-boo. Q: Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch?

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

A: At the casketeria. Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A: The Vampire State Building. Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the dance? A: His ghoul friend. Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton? A: Napoleon bone-apart. Q: Who was the most famous ghost detective? A: Sherlock Moans. Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective? A: Sherlock Bones. Q: Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? A: Because of his coffin. Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? A: He didn't have a haunting license. Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar? A: For the boos. Q: Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test? A: To see if she was his type. Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He had no guts. Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? A: He had no body to dance with. Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A: Because demons are a ghoul's best friend. Q: Why do mummies make excellent spies? A: They're good at keeping things under wraps.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? A: He has a bat temper. Q: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? A: They're afraid of flying off the handle! Q: Why were screams coming from the kitchen? A: The cook was beating the eggs.

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Page No: 10

Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

The Silly selection Q: How can you get four suits for a pound? A: Buy a deck of cards. Q: How do you make a hot dog stand? A: Steal its chair. Q: How do you make an egg laugh? A: Tell it a yolk. Q: What bird can lift the most? A: A crane. Q: What bone will a dog never eat? A: A trombone. Q: What can you hold without ever touching it? A: A conversation. Q: What clothes does a house wear? A: A dress. Q: What country makes you shiver? A: Chile. Q: What did the elevator say to his friend? A: I think I'm coming down with something! Q: What did one magnet say to the other? A: I find you very attractive. Q: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? A: It's time to go to sweep. Q: What did the necktie say to the hat? A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while. Q: What did the rug say to the floor? A: Don't move, I've got you covered.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Q: What do bees do with their honey? A: They cell it. Q: What do you call a song sung in an automobile? A: A cartoon. Q: What do you call the best butter on the farm? A: A goat. Q: What do you do when a chair breaks at a conference? A: Speak to the chairman. Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? A: A bricklayer! Q: What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit? A: Bugs Bunny. Q: What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? A: Wet feet. Q: What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover? A: A rash of good luck. Q: What happens when frogs park illegally? A: They get toad. Q: What has a lot of keys but can’t open any doors? A: A piano. Q: What kind of cat likes to go bowling? A: Alley cats. Q: What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air? A: A dead centipede. Q: What's green and loud? A: A frog horn. Q: Where do fortunetellers dance? A: At the crystal ball.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Q: Why did the doughnut shop close? A: The owner got tired of the whole business! Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the cricket team? A: She ran away from the ball. Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? A: She couldn't control her pupils.

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Page No: 13

Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

More Blonde Q and A Q. Why did the Blonde have huge cubic tits? A. She forgot to take the tissue out of the box! Q. What have a bottle beer and a Blonde got in common? A. They are both empty from the neck up. Q. Why do Blonde’s keep empty beer bottles in the fridge? A. They’re for people who don't drink! Q. Why was the Blonde proud of finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months? A. The box said "2 to 4 years!" Q. Why can't a Blondes water ski? A. When they get wet between their legs, they end up on their back. Q. What is the definition of an eternity? A. Four Blondes drivers at a four way stop. Q: Why did the blonde listen to the radio in the morning? A: The radio was AM only Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep. Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes? A: They take off their makeup. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How did the blonde get ready for Y2K?

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

A: She changed all her Y's to K's. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.) Q: How do you know if a blonde is Scottish? A: She has a chequebook. Q: How do you make blondes laugh on Monday mornings? A: Tell them a joke on Friday-Night! Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. Q: How did the blonde try to kill a fish? A: By drowning it. Q: How does a blonde spell farm? A: E-I-E-I-O Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! Q: How does the blonde turn on the light after having sex? A: She opens the car door. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Blondes screw in back seats, not in light bulbs, silly. Q: If a blonde and a brunette fall off a 100 ft cliff, which hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask directions.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? A: Third grade. Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A: It's OK, I'm not hurt. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A: "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!" Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV. Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see one. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: What do you call a blonde clutching at thin air? A: Someone who is collecting her thoughts. Q: What do you call a blonde in a black leather jacket? A: A rebel without a clue! Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A: Divorced. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A space invader. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

A: Run like Hell ... she's holding the grenade. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A: I don't know, there are some things a blonde won't do. Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything? A: Penicillin. Q: What does Star Treks Dr. McCoy say before doing brain surgery on a blonde? A: Space. The final frontier Q: What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say? A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I? Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? A: She needed them for the darkroom she was building. Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending machine? A: Because she thought she was winning. Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies? A: Because the sign said “Under 17 not admitted!” Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: They can spell BMW.

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Jokes

The big book of Q and A Jokes

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They are easier to keep amused. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. Q: How does a Blonde change a light bulb? A: She holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to go around. Q: Why didn’t the Blondes go to Disneyland? A: A sign it said "Disneyland left" so they turned around and went home.

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