Journal entry October 2, 2011

Jason Nakajima

I shoved my jeans up my hips and wriggled into the tight waistline before zipping up and dashing out of the modeling studio. Today was an important day. It was my first day to meet Ellis complete private. We've been seeing eachother on and off for a little over a month and a half, and I'd been dying to tell him the way I felt about him. Er...the way I feel about him. Dang, it's hard writing in past tense even though I still have these feelings. I'll just pretend that the “me” of the future is reading into the past. Ha ha

Truth be told, I think we both knew our feelings, but we played the game of pretend; Never admitting that we'd seen "those eyes", or that we felt the gentle hip knock while walking together. One day I swear Ellis hand brushed up against mine. When I looked over at him, he was looking straight ahead. But I was sure I saw a smile on his face. Anyway, I really, genuinely felt I might be falling in love
with him. And it scared me. I'd never felt this way about anyone...okay, etch that. I'd never felt this way about any EXCEPT one before. And that's a totally different situation in its own right. I tried denying the reality of being in love with him until it just became illogical and stupid to do so. Why else would I think about him constantly? Why would my heart race when we accidentally touched or brushed up against eachother? I couldn't get his voice out of my head. And those eyes...those beautiful emerald eyes...I saw them in my dreams over and over again. Some nights I'd wake up to the sound of my own thunderous heartbeat. "What the h-ll?" I'd ask myself before rolling around until the dawn woke me.

Well anyway, today was the day I'd tell him the way I felt. Officially. Ever since...well, last week, I'd been wanting to find a chance to tell him. So far hinting around had proven unsuccessful. Besides, hinting's not really my style anyway. Other people might opt for the flirty eyes or flowers, but not me. I'm a straight-forward kind of guy. I'd say it blunt and straight, right to his face. I loved Ellis Erishima. Er, I was in love with Ellis Erishima. And I wasn't about to hide that fact. " Looking pretty, Jason," came a voice behind me. A hand slapped down on my shoulder, and I must have jerked because he laughed. "You did an awesome job representing my company today, Jason. I really enjoyed your shoot," he said. He was the director of the clothing line I'd modeled that day. I grinned and turned around to shake his hand, but he just took my forearm and pulled me into an awkward half-hug, half-squeeze. "Thanks," I replied. There's always a really cool fulfilling feeling in having the director, president, advisor or whatever compliment your work on representing their products. I wasn't expecting the tough of fingertips to my chin, lifting my face. My initial reaction was shock. "You look so much like your father," the man said, inspecting my face with an intensity I didn't particularly like. “He used to model for Guarett and Poul years ago. You're filling his shoes very well." I beamed at the praise. I knew the wide grin that spread across my face made me look like a goofy little boy, but I really couldn't balk at being compared to my dad. It was an awesome compliment.

"You have anyone in your life right now?" he asked abruptly, causing my heart to race a little.

", yes," I stammered, nudging my chin free. "I mean, d-m." I felt weirdly invaded by such a personal question, and frustrated at my uncharacteristic incoherency. "I'm sorry if I shouldn't have asked that," the man said, looking genuinely concerned. "'s fine," I said with a wave. "I not exactly sure yet. I'm going to find out today." The man's intense stare was starting to get under my skin a little.
"Oh really?" he said with a raised eyebrow. "Well good luck Jason Nakajima, Jr." "Thanks," I said, hoping karma had heard that. "Oh, and thank you again for your hard work today." He gave my shoulder a squeeze. After running through the woods, over stumps and brambles, through the portal, and down several blocks of Tanagura's sidewalks, I backed up into a street sign and breathed heavily and breathlessly. "Ah...ha..." I inhaled and exhaled over and over, leaning against the sign and feeling the cold metal against my neck.

Closing my eyes, I took in the cool air against my body. Anything to calm myself down, I thought. I knew it more than the run that was making my body hot.
"D-mm-it, Jason, get control of yourself," I said under breaths. Really, this was going to be a lot harder than I expected. I wanted everything

to be perfect today. Typically I didn't need much preparation before making a speech. I inherited my dad's ability with words. Usually even under tight or awkward situations I communicated with eloquence and quick wit. (yeah I’m arrogant, okay?) But this...was different. This was Ellis…And a proclamation of love. I couldn't afford to botch it up. Ellis of all people, I recycled over in my mind. The thought of stammering through a long-winded declaration of love sent chills down my spine. I propped myself up from the sign, moaning a little, but unsure why.

Before anything else, I thought, taking a deep breath, I will stop for some green tea.


I didn't exactly expect my heart to race up to my throat when I
glimpsed Ellis standing behind the palace gate. The gods, he looked so gorgeous in that white yukata. His long red hair was tied back loosely and his green eyes glittered under the sun. I was sure I'd choke on my heart if it didn't get back to its rightful place. But it never did, and I never choked. "Jason!" he called in that beautiful soft voice of his. "You came!" "Of course I came," I replied, thoroughly pleased at the sultry restraint of my own voice. "I wouldn't miss it for the..." Instant cut-off. That was too flamboyant. "I wouldn't miss it." "Follow me, back into the woods," Ellis said, smiling prettily. My feet obeyed the voice without bidding.


We went back into the forest, which seemed impossibly fantastical compared to any of the woods on Earth. The trees, tall and spiraled, were bright shades of green and pink. Golden sunlight streamed through the branches as soft pedals fell all over the ground. That Ellis was part of the scenery made it positively surreal. "Here we are," he announced at last as we walked into a clearing. A brook rippled nearby, glittering in the daylight. I stood still, observing the surroundings in amazement. Ellis green eyes caught the light and flashed, instantly grabbing my attention. "How do you like it?" he asked. "Love it," I replied. "It's really nice." "It's my private spot," he said, sauntering gracefully over to a stump before sitting down. "I like to come here to think sometimes." I nervously took a seat across from him and smiled. He returned the favor. What followed was a stretch of silence I wasn't quite comfortable with. I knew that we both knew I'd summoned today's meeting for a specific purpose. And it was becoming increasingly obvious with each second that the time of revelation was at hand. I closed my eyes and composed myself, breathing in deep yoga style and reciting Buddhist verse to myself. The concentration slowly came,

washing over me like smooth soap. I could do this, I knew I could. Just focus. Breathe. Concentrate. Then, I opened my eyes and met the face across from me. DANG, he is so pretty, I thought, focus shattering on the spot. His eyes were like gems, and his skin was like porcelain. Sitting there in the middle of falling pedals, hands crossed delicately and hair softly tossing about his face, He looked completely angelic and unearthly. I felt myself growing slightly weak-headed from enchantment. "Ellis, you're gorgeous," I blurted out. He blushed. "Thank you." I cleared my throat, regaining composure. "I kinda...have something to tell you," I said. I wasn't exactly sure if a declaration of love following a compliment on his appearance would give the best implications, but it was either now or never. "I'm listening," he said softly. I drew a deep breath. "Ellis...over the last month and a half, I've really grown to like you. In face...I think...I think I'm in love with you." Ellis gasped and covered his mouth, eyes widening. I really could have slapped myself for saying it so suddenly. "J-Jason..." he said, cheeks reddening. I held his surprise gaze with steely eyes, unwilling to let my nerves show through my face. My greatest fear was rising to my chest...that Ellis didn't feel the same way. What if...what if I had been imagining everything all long? Maybe I had read too deep into the signs, and he didn't really love me at all. Or, maybe he had a small crush on me and nothing more. He

might just giggle and say, "Oh Jason, I'm flattered, but I just have a small schoolboy crush on you." I couldn't imagine how floored I'd be. The surprised pause gave me ample time to toss these torturous thoughts back and forth in my head. "Jason, I...I don't know what to say," he stammered, clearly abashed. I hissed out a pent-up breath and hung my head. The moment of truth was realized. I had only succeeded in making a stupid fool out of myself. "I didn't know...that you felt the same way," the small voice continued. I whipped my head up as shock penetrated. "W-what?!" I rasped. "You...too?" Ellis' face of surprise turned into one of pure joy. He was still blushing though, a light pink color that spread over his face and seemed to darken. I don't think I've ever seen anything so cute in my whole life. Suddenly we both broke out laughing. I, for one, was suffering a mixture of total relief, unsurpassed happiness, and giddy embarrassment. It was a weird feeling, but awesome at the same time. Sharing a laugh with Ellis was really all that mattered right now, though. "Ellis," I said, as we settled down. "I'm so happy. I've been dying to tell you this for a week." "I didn't know exactly how you felt about me," Ellis responded. "And I didn't know if I should even mention it. But I've been thinking about you a lot these last few weeks. I knew I was starting you."

I stood up from my stump and went to sit beside him. When he turned to look at me, his eyes were sparkling and blush was still in his cheeks. With his lips turned up into a slight smile, he looked utterly kissable. I stroked his cheek softly, relishing in the unbridled love that I felt for him. Ellis gaze was so bright and innocent, I pondered. Usually such an innocent look would stir up something dark and carnal inside me, but with Ellis, those urges didn't come. Instead, I felt an overwhelming urge to protect him. He was mine now, I decided, and taking care of him was one of my boyfriendly duties. "So...does this mean we can date?" I asked hopefully. Ellis' eyes closed into crescent moons, and he laughed. "Well...we can still go out, if that's what you're asking!" I grinned, unable to hold back a laugh myself. "Yeah..." I said. "That's exactly what I'm asking."

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