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You fvlean I'mNotLazs,sfupi orCrazy?!
A Self-Help for Adults Book withAttention Oeficit Disorder

Foreword LarryB. Silver,M. D. by

New York

A FiresideBook Publishedby Simon & Schuster London Toronto sydney Tokyo


FIRESIDE Rockefeller Center 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 Copyright O 1993 by Kate Kelly and P.ggy Ramundo All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. First FiresideEdition 1996 FrRrslor and colophon are registeredtrademarksof Simon & SchusterInc. Designedby Tony Magliano Manufactured in the United Statesof America 5 7 9 1 0 8 6

Dara Cataloging'in-Publication Library of Congress Kelly, Kate. book for adultswith a You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy?!: self-help attention deficit disorder/KateKelly and PeggyRamundo. p' cm. and index' Includes bibliographical references 1. Attention-delicit disorderin adults-Popular works. I. Ramundo, Peggy. Il. Title. 94-40538 RC394.A85K45 1995 CIP 616.85'89-dc20

rsBN0-684-80116-7 (Pbk) rsBN0.684-81531-1

This bookis dedicated the memory Fred Clwison,my to of dearfriend and,s,ometimes parent. With hisunfailing sunogate cornpassion sense humor, Fred enriched hives all and of the of who knew him. He wiII be missed, neqter but forgotten. I(ote Kelly

Thls bookis dedicated my family: to To Rob-for l<eeping everything togetlwr I could" so write it To Alison-fo, fiuingmy life with your bomlless love and joy To Jeremy-for struggling cowrageously yow ADD so with and teaching so muchaboutmine me Peggy Ramlznldo

Table Confents Of


Foreword by Larry B. Silver, M.D, Introduction: ADD Isn't Just For Kids Anymore!


Chapter I
From the Porch to the Printed Page: A Reader's Guide to Understanding This Book How To ReadThis Book . Who Should ReadThis Book o Diagnosis Isn't a Do-lt-Yourself Enterprise

Chapter 2
Understanding the Disorder That Makes Us Feel Lazy, Stupid or Crazy About Definitions and Descriptionso The Big Three: Inattenrion, Impulsivity,Hyperactivity o But Why? . How Common Is Itl o Not Justfor BoysAnymore

Chapter 3
The Impact of Growing Up with ADD o o AgesandStages The Cycleof Disapproval Abilities and Disabilities



CoNrENrs -

Chapter 4
How Are We Different? . One Channel Operation o Locking In/Blocking Out o I Hate Details o DefectiveFilter r TouchyTouchability r Emotional o Roller Coasters IntenseINTENSITY . The IDP Dynamic o Bottomless of Needs o Supersonic Pit Brains r Activity Levels in Flux o Thrill Seekerso InrracrableTime Tyrant . Space o Struggles Action/Inaction Imbalanceo ReactionTime Irregu. Miniscule Mental Fuel Tanks . Undependable larity Memory/ o Leaming Systems ImpairedSocialSkills' Control Centers


Chapter 5
The Not So Fine Art of Coping Bad is Better Than Stupid . fh. perfectionisro The Blamer o \Uho Cares?o Manipulation . Withdrawal o Chip On the Shouldero Thke Me or LeaveMe o It Ain't So o Helplessness o Controller o Peter Pan Syndrome o SpaceCadet . The Party Animal o EmotionalIncontinence. The Blabber. The Bulldozer


Chapter 6
I KNOW. . .I TIIINK. . .I HA\ZE ADD:WIIAI DO I DO NO\ry? The Savvy Mental Health Consumer o The \7hy and How of the DiagnosticEvaluation o After the Diagnosis-You Are \forth All the \fork It \7i11Take to Recover o Self-Discoveryand the Grief Process: Shock of Recognition;Anger-Why Me?;DenialNot Me!; Bargaining-lt Can All Be Fixed;Depression-Reality Sinks In; Acceprance-Outof the Depths!

| 06

Chapter ?


About Balance, Toyotas,@ Porschesp Circus High Wires, and the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous Finely Tuned and In Need of SensitiveHandling . How-To'sof Achieving Balance:The 12 Step Framework. A one Rat Study: o Analyzing Strengthsand lTeaknesses Constructing a PersonalizedSafetyNet for Your High Wire Act



Chapter 8
Interfacing In Action: Groups and Friendships The Art and Scienceof Communication o Hazard:SocialSlippery Running Spots o Act I, Group Interactions:Mental Gymnastics; . Survival Tips: Out of Gas;CruiseControls Set on Mega-Speed 'lTorking Group Interactionso Act II, One to One Encounters: At Not Working So Hard, NegativeSelf-Talk . SurvivalTips: Friendshipso Effective Communication


9 Chapter


Interfacing in Action: Getting Along on the Job A Variation on the Theme of Inter{acingo Act III, Getting Along Office Politics,Written and At \7ork: Complex Interrelationships, o SurvivalTips:On the Job . High Tech ComUnwritten Rules 'lUork Related Out of State! o munication,or Don't Fax Yourself o Stress: Noise, Doorsand Telephones Foot in Mouth Disease o 'What Do You Want to Do \7hen You Grow Up? o Are You Failing On the Job or Is YourJob Failing You?

chaptero l


Interfacing In Action: In The Dating Game and The Family o High StakeRelationships Act IV The Dating Game:Intensity; Insatiability; the Walking \Tounded; The Prince Charming Trap o Survival Tips: Intimate Relationshipso Act V SceneI, Marriage and Child Rearing:Meet the Bakers,1 Plus 1 Is More Than Two, Parentingand the ADD Dimension o SurvivalTips: "Planned BounParenting". Act V SceneII, Chaoson the Cul-de,Sac: d"ry Issues and Invisible Circles . Family Therapy o Survival Tips: Emotional Living Space

Chapterl I
From Mealtime Mania to Outing Ordeals: flow,To's of Decreasing Discord Scenes From the Kitchen Table and ADD Family Fun o Family Life Through the Eyesof Tom, Jan, Amy, Zacharyand Jennifer o o CombustibleMix of ADD Temperaments Survival Tips: Reducing the Chaos and Tuming Down the Volume . Survival Tips: From Chaos to PeacefulCo-Existence




Chapter 12


Principles of Governmenfi Family Style Poisedfor Defense Attack . Establishing SharedGovemmenr or a o Principlesand Rulesof Conduct for Family Meetings o Equal Opportunity Participation:Problem-Solving, Bargaining, Negotiation, Contracting o GuardingAgainst Expectations Perfection of

Chapter3 |
Dynamics of ADD in Organization: Mechanics and Methods Life is Difficult for the OrganizationallyImpaired o Creating Order: Where Do You Start? o Designinga Clearing Our and Storing Systemo Home Office Management:the Peaceof Mind Payoff o PracticalTools for MessManagement o PaperPile Managementand Its Cardinal Rules o Ji3 Do's and PaperPile Mis. management. Time Management:Thming the Time Monster


Chapter 14
Dynamics of ADD in Memorys Mechanics and Methods The Memory Chain o Memory and Learning:You Can't Have o One Without the Other o How Are Your Memories? How Do r Memory Tune.Up You Leam: What's Your Leaming Style? . Techniques Leaming Tipt o Leaming Disabilitiesand ADD


Chapter l5
Cmtches, Ladders and the Decision to Seek Professional Help About Crutches,Laddersand Assumptionso Are You Readyto 'Whar's Ask for Help? o Alternative and MainstreamTherapies: the Difference?o The Value and Limitations of Research. Becoming Your Own CaseManager o J[ Be. . . or Not To Be Medi. cated o The Issue Substance of Abuse


Chapter l6


Medicine and Medicine Management o A tial and Error Process The How and \fhy of Medicine o Benefits,Action, Side Effects, DoseLevels:Stimulant Medications; Tricyclic Antidepressants; Misce[aneousand Newer Drugs . SelfMedicationso Medicine:A Starting Place,Not the Final Destination




Chapter |?


Therapy and More Therapy ftgl"pt Dilemma o Cognitive and BehavioralTherapy . Speech and Language Therapy o EducationalRemediation .- Psychodyo namic Psychotherapies Miscellaneous Therapieso Family o Social Skills Tiaining o SensoryIntegration o PsychoTherapy education o Support Groups o Asserriveness taining o Alternative Therapy:Yoga; Massage; Brain Massage Virnril Reality (l); and Progressive MuscleRelaxation o Visualizationo Tianscendental Meditation o Natural Childbirth Techniqueso Diet Therapy o EEG Biofeedback

Chapter8 |
From Obstacle to Opportunity If You Could Pusha Button and Not Have ADD Anymore, !7ould o You PushIt? o About Joy,Hope and Possibiliries ADD and the Specialized Brain o Abilities Within Disabilities: The ADD Advano r Storieso What Is Success? Finding Your Niche: !"ge Success Better Late Than Never o The Bright Outlook for Us o ADD is More Than a Disorder:It Is Also An ADDed Dimensionl


Imagine a World Without ADD

4tl 414

Appendix A
Suggested Reading List

420 427

Appendix B
Resource List



Georgeis an ADD adult who has becomemy role model for gracefullybalancing the various parts of one'slife.please chalk it up to faulty memory rather than a lack of appreciation. I fail If to mention someone who has contributedto this project.providing editorial assistance being a good friend and even ashe struggledwith a personaltragedy. Bonnie Green who contributed to the process writing this book in several of job ways. GeorgeSchoberhas eamed a heartfelt thanks for helping facilitate the supportgroup. First. and resource Specialthanks are in order to the ADD Council of Greater Cincinnati which has organizeda superbnerwork of ADD parents. giving the extra encouragement would have provided if I I hadn't been so preoccupied with my own project. She has alsobeen an enthusiasticsupporterof this book from concepr ro completion.She did a superb of supportingmy husbandthrough the difficult task of writing his doctoral dissertation.rpport Group for sharing invaluable information about their personal experiences with ADD.Acknowled*ements Kate Kelly: I find myselfapproaching this sectionwith sometrepidation. I wonder if my erratic ADD memory will do its job adequately. she went above and beyond the call of duty. I am etemally grateful to Dr.ADD adults and interestedprofessionals.As his committee chair. They have alsofunctioned ascheeileaders. XI . I wish to thank the membersof the Cincinnati ADD Adult S. This community network has made my job easier. readers people.

He was there with his supportwhen this book wasonly a half-bakedidea. ironed clothes.SuzanneBehle.AcTNowLEDGEMENTS I alsowish to thank Rob Allard both for filling in assupporrgroup facilitator and providing feedbackon the rough draftsof this manuscript. to Thanks also to Angela Field who provided child care and the useof her computerwhen mine wasunavailable. I wish to thank my co-author. Last. car filled with ffiy computer stockedwith paper and my children embracedwith your love. drawingsand hugskept me going when the going got rough.He didn't hesitatewhen we took the plunge together.committing most of our personaland financial resources publishing it. To -y daughterTyrell whosemany love notes.a round of applause goesto my family. for being such a greatkid and for being so patient with me. for to helping me make my dream a reality. They didn't alwaysapproveof the intensity with which I approached this daughter's teacherfor the past three years. Marjorie Buschingand Marta Donahoealso took time out of busyschedules read and comment on the book. You've fed the dog you never wanted and protectedme when my XII . Thanks. Thanks Doug. but certainly not cabinetsstockedwith groceries. I have been part of many work groupsin my life but none has functioned aswell asthis one. To parents.Barbaraand CharlesKelln who did a greatjob of raising a my very difficult child. 'Words Peggy Ramundo: are inadequateto express appreciation my for my parentswho supportedme in countlesswaysduring the process of writing this book.ggy Ramundo and her husbandRob Ramundo for their contributions to a greatwriting/publishing team. They reminded me to eat and sleep. To -y husband.has been a listening ear and support personwhenever I neededit. I hope we will continue to collaborate projects on for many yearsto come.Billy Stockton.took over many chauffeuringduties for my children and provided numerouschildfree weekends. To my husbandDoug who has believed in me from the beginning. but they never failed to supportmy efforts.Rob-what can I say? You've kept me in clean. Tyrell.

United Stateshasproducedimpressive we have been able to gather information from ADD adults throughout the country.I love you both so much! I'd like to thank my friend.She has reviewed and has sharedboth information and conthe book at variousstages the efforts at organtzingADD adults across tacts. Your insights. trips Our thanks to Rita R.AcxNowLEDGEMENTS all old cat died.Thanla.experiences struggleshave contributed in invaluable waysto this book. ed his time and expertiseasa consultant. From Both of Us: Mury JaneJohnson.founder of the ADDult Network hasbeen an enthusiasticsupporterof our efforts.You'veassumed the rolesI've given up the pasttwo years-l couldn't have done it without you. Stull for taking this manuscripton business and spendingher free time helping us dot the i's and crossthe t's. entertaining yourselves. results. XIII . putting up with all the times I've gotten him to schoollate! My thanks to all the ADD adults and parentsof ADD children who and have sharedtheir lives with me. \UayneHarrison has conliterature and offering his ongoing on tributed by passing professional moral support. not only for your command of the English language your insightsand experiences that have addedto the qualiry of this book. who specializes the diagin Schroeder. Thanks for your friendship. Joseph generously donatnosisand treatment of ADD adults and adolescents. my son'steacherfor three years. and for encouragingme to take sometime off once and a while.Dr. My children Alison and Jeremyhave both shown incredible maturity Thank you for getting and understandingat being semi-motherless. Bunny Hensley. for taking such good care of supportand encouragement. neuropsychologist a Dr. leaving love notes on my your own breakfasts. but alsofor Rita. Bunny.for her emotional support. providing the structurefor him to manageon his own and Jeremy. Liz \fymer. Liz. Her single-handed Thanks to Mary Jane.has provided ongoing Thanks. computer and working so hard to understandwhy mommy couldn't go awaywith you and your daddyfor the weekend.

but certainly not least.His creative brainstorming culminated in our creating the presenttitle that we feel truly caprures the realitv of ADD.AcTNowLEDcEMENTS And last. The title changedinumerabletimes during the process writing it. Our pages possibilitieswenr in the of of trash after Dave'sexcited phone call one day.we'd like to thank David Stull for his contribution to naming this book. XIV .

The behaviorspersistand causeas much difficulty asthey did when the personwasa child or adolescent. Thus. too many adultsnever leam of their disability."That's me.Further.Often planning or job relatedproblems. like the ADHD. Adults with ADHD continue to be hyperactive. Unfortunately.Foreword percent of children with Attention It is now clear that at least 5Oo/o Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) continue to have the disorder Recent studiesconfirm that at least30Voof thesechildren asadolescents. socialor family problems. I have the sameproblems. Someadultsfirst leam of their ADHD when their child is diagnosed.In addition. continue to have ADHD as adults.YouMewt I'm Not Lazy.theseauthors go beyondproviding information by offering specificsuggestions and programsto address each problem area. adultswith ADHD need information about their disability and its impact on themselves.Of equalimportance. many of there are career theseadults alsohave learning disabilitieswhich. Kate Kelly's and Peggy Ramundo's book.and/or impulsive.their work and their sociallives. Stupid or CraTy?1. doesan excellentjob of providing this information in an accurate. XV ."Other adults first leam of their problem when they read an article in a magazine or seea specialon television. their families. might have been undiagnosed and untreated. Suddenlythey say.They can have difficulty with organization. many developsecondary emotional. clear and easyto readway.distractible.

problemswith self. M.for clinicians and Dr. Larry B. The adult is then helped self-image. past difficulties and can be the start of rethinking one's understandingof The authorshelp the readerdo this. of Clinical Professor Psychiatry. Silver is a national leaderin the field of Leaming Disabilitiesand Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder. The Misunderstood ChiA Disorder: A and two recent additions.)ice Par entson AttentionD eficit HyperacnviryDisordBr to Silqrer's XVI . Director of Training in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry GeorgetownUniversity School of Medicine Dr.These include his popular book. identifiringproblemareas.For over twenty yearshis primary research. for it suggestions addressing are presentedwith many examples. I thank Kate Kelly and Peggy for writing such an informative and very helpful book. Possible to exploreeachareaof his or her life.D. with communication.FoRpwoRo his It is critical for eachadult to understand or her pastand how ADHD might have affectedpersonaland family life aswell asschool perforThis understanding can result in a better manceand peer relationships. AttennonDeficitHyperacnvity and Clinical Guide to Diagnosis Treatment. Adq. Silver. Inrry . with meaningful others and practical with work areexplored.Whenever a problem areais discussed. Men and women who first discovertheir disability in adulthood have Ramundo much to leam and much to do.often invisibleneurological disabilities. A11adults with ADHD and all familiesof adultswith ADHD will benefit from reading and studyingthis book. clinical and teaching interestshave focusedon the psychological and socialimpact of subtle. His extensivewriting includesover one hundredthirty publications.

There is a lot of availableliterature about ADD in children.Youhave a growingsuspicion. that you may have the disorderyourself. and and XVII . Booksare filled with strategies managingthe symptomsof ADD at home and for at school.You are well informedaboutAttention Deficit Disorderand are readingthis book to seeif it containsany new information.INrRooucrIoN eDD Just Kids lsn'f for Anymore! If you're readingthis book. grandchildor siblingwho has attention deficits.Youhave beendiagnosed with the disorderand are wondering. "\Uhat do I do now?" 3.\7e have drawn on our professional experiences writing this book. \7e both have exrensive experiencedealing with our own disorders and those of our children. But at the heart of the book are our perin sonalperspectives experiences thoseof many other ADD adults. you probablyfit into one of the following categories: l. What do you do if you have ADD and aren't a kid anymore? How do you manageyour own disorder? This book has been written to offer someanswers thesequestions. It isn't a scholarlytext but a practicalguide for understandingand managingthe dynamicsof ADD in adulthood. to This book is written for ADDers by ADDers. 2. But availableinformation for managingADD in adulthood is in short supply. \7e have alsodealt with ADD issues our individual professions in of mental health and education. perhaps fueledby your experienceswith a child. This book is for all of you.

to manage Our goal in writing this book is to educateand enlighten. you can discovera multitude of abilitiesaswelll We are committed to rhe belief that each of us can useour unique abilities our unique disabilities. Having ADD means of that each of us musr deal with an assortment disabilities. each readerto assume active role in coping effectivelywith his or her disorder. and to en' an .\7e hope that each of you will useit not only asan but asa celebrationof differences: examinationof disabilities ADD: A Disorder OR An ADDed Dimension? XVIII .rrug.INrRonucrtoN ADD is About Abilities and Disabilities and ADD Adula are Capable of Helping Themselves These are the underlying principles of this book.But if you take off the "dis".o.

The chapter you are readingnow is the only addition. thought that many of our readers might approacha new book the way we do-by skipping the miscellaneous pages and jumping right into the good stuff! But the information in this brief sectionis too important to gloss over. we chosean informal writing style and worked hard to minimize the complexity of somerather complicatedscientific concepts.dirrg the book'sformat. During the writing process.we sat on a porch swing and sharedour vision for this book.\7e also includednumerous cartoons to .It will help answersomeof the questionsyou may have asyou go along. Many long daysand countlessrevisionslater.CHaprEn 1 - Frorn Porch thePrinted the to ?age: Reader's fo A Guide Understanding Book This Dear Reader: Plcase don't skip this section! Although it's really a preface. \7e choseto add this section to sharewith our readers the underlying philosophythat guidedour writing and the decisionswe made r"ga. our original PorchSwlngPlanningsession evolved into the book you are about to read. vision changedlittle from our original our outline. Our original ideastook the form of a three pageoutline which becameour frameworkthroughout the writing process.\7e wanted this book to be practical and easyto readfor anyonewith specificreading and language deficits.To that end. Over two yearsago. 'We we've written it asa separate chapter. we explainedour goal of writing a book an ADD adult could useto understandand manageher disorder. In the Introduction.

"l've alreadyreadthis information in several other books. you will discoverasyou readthis book. We didn't want to losereaders who might react in one or more of the following ways:1. knew that our readers would have varying levelsof knowledgeabout ADD and that somewould need an in-depth introduction to the disorder. If you've alreadydone extensivereadingin ADD. take a break! We promisethe going will get easier and later chapters will take a look at the lighter. \7e were alsokeenly awareof the curiosityof ADDers who don't often acceptsuggestions without first asking. The seeming erratic useof "he" and "she" isn't an editing 'V7e choseto alternate the useof male and femalepronounsby error! chapters."3. \7e alsowant to explain how we deal with the issue sexistlanguage of in this book. \7e concludedthat none of the the 'S7e options would solve the problem.Sruproon Cnazv!? make the text more understandable.the anecdotes and practicalsuggestions folthat lowed wouldn't make much sense. "How is this book going to help me if I can't understandthe first chapter?" considereda variety of options from eliminating someof the information to reorganizing format. you might want to just browsethesechapters.You MpaNI'u Nor Lazv. The assumption that the majority of ADDers are male has been challenged knowledgeabout ADD has grown. you'renew to ADD.If you get really boredor befuddled. taking them at your own paceand allowing time to digestthe material."But whyl" !7e decidedthat without this background information. ADD isn't just a As problemfor boysand men. "Have I been tricked?Is this a text book?I thought it wasgoing to be a practical. as So. we choseto leavethe format So alone and to offer the following guidelines. just hang in there If with the earlychapters. agonized of we over theseearly chaptersthat aren't aseasyto read as the rest of the book.more practicalsideof ADD.self-helpbook!" 2. 'We would like to comment on the organizationof this book before you begin reading the three chaptersthat follow and questionwhat we just saidaboutease reading!During the editing process. men and women alike. we wanted to make the language inclusive aspossible. as Since this book is for all of you. They are denselypackedwith rather technical information that is difficult to simplify. the odd numbered 'We .

of we have alsotried to avoid stereotypes. 'S7e wagon everyonewants to jump on. can picture the constemation of mental health professionals confrontedwith officesfilled with people demandingtreatment for the ADD they've self-diagnosed. 'We can't emphasize enough that a diagnosisis not a do-it-yowself enterprise. Virtually all mental health problemsinterferewith organizationand information processing. personwith schizophrenia. By the way. in The problem with ADD is one of degreeand persistence the sympof varying situations.p€ople with schizophrenia depression proor have information processing blemssimilar to ADD adultsbut often to a greaterdegree. we want to include a word of caution. of cem is and relationships. Finally. Another part of the diagnosticdilemma is that variousmental health problemshave symptoms that overlapthoseof ADD. many report that the manifestations ADD characterize of everychild in their classrooms! 'S7e want to emphasize that ADD is a complicatedsyndromewith diversesymptoms varying degrees severity. a nationally known ADD expert raisedan important issue.ADDers have symptoms toms over time and across that begin in childhood and . there is no significance. Using stimulant medicationin her treatment .might have A for attention deficitsbut her treatmentwould be radicallydifferentfrom that of an ADDer.A S3':?T5 R. it's not hard to imagineADD becomingthe new bandSo.1""" chaptersusefemalepronoun references and the even chapters. This con.".n" significantproblemsin school.other than a flip of a coin. isn't surprising of of It that educators observe ADD behaviorsin many of their students because the symptoms ADD are an exaggeration behaviorsand experiences of of that fall within the normal human range. including examples both men of particularly and women in non-traditionalroles.'# J:Jl3"fiil? +i?.Anyone can sometimes have lapses memory act impulsivelyor have difficulty concentrating. sinceADDers tend to be rather non-traditionalfolk.male. In our work with classroom teachers. for beginningwith sheinsteadof he! Parallelingthis issue sexistlanguage.l. voiced He his concem that everyadult who read it could identify with the describedADD behaviorsand make a self-diagnosis ADD. For example. In reviewing the book. example.This seems appropriate.

You MEaNI'v Nor Lxzy. an accuratediagnosisis an essentialcomponent of treatment. follow the guidelines in Chapter 6.that an official ADD diagnosisis a prerequisite for readingthis book. example. can benefit from someof this material. can all benefit from understanding how glitchesin brain processes wreakhavoc in the daily lives of can many people.we hope that spouses.If you're reading this book because suspect you you have ADD. In addition.however. This book isn't a scholarly. The point is. Severalexcellent books of that kind are availableand are listed in the appendix. Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo .\7e welcomeyour comour ments. we hope that you'll find this book enjoyableand informative.diagnosticmanual. Many of the self-help strategies usefulwith or without a specificdiagnosis. are For a readerdoesn'thave to know why she is disorganized benefit from to someof our suggestions Chapter 13.Sruproon Cnazy!? would likely have the effect of dramatically worseningher condition. we will have accomplished mission. in friends and colleagues ADDers and other adults who sffugglewith of relatedproblemswill readthis book and developgreatersensitiviryro 'We individuals with specialneeds.personal experiences anything elseyou would like to share or with us. Ife don't believe. Develop a relationship with a professional who can provide a formal evaluation and diagnosis. Ifqgr readers have half as much fun reading it aswe have had writing it. Finally. Sincerely. Individuals with orher mental health problems and thosewithout symptomssufficiently severeto be considered ADD.

teachers our and our parentswith our wealth of knowledgeand creariveideas. Pay attention.We didn't start our dayswith a plan to drive everyonecrazy.\7e cameup with wonderful invenwe 'We tions and imaginativepluy.D's and F'sdidn't lie. our teachers repeatedly told us we could do our work but chosenot to.We didn't begfor more toys. Bur unfortunately.siblings.most of we us didn't know that. They definedour self-perceptions kids who as were lazy. teachers.We didn't count the thumb tackson the bulletin boardbecause enjoyedwatching the veins pop we out of a teacher's neck when he yelled at us to get to work. to make the other kids laugh. Many of us feel that we've spentour lives disappointingeveryone. . Our report cardswerecontinual remindersthat we weren't very bright.teachers and friends didn't know that either.biggerbikes or better birthday partiesbecause wanted our moms and dadsto feel we terrible for depriving us of thesethings. Sropfoolingaround. friendsand ourselves.CuaprEn 2 - Undersfandine The Disorder Makes Feel That Us Lazy. didn't leaveour roomsin total chaosto make We our parentswring their handsin frustration. Most of our parents. We didn't want to cause trouble.siblings. often amazed ourselves.Sometimes felt smart.parents. So most of us grew up with negativefeelings that developedaroundbehaviorseveryonemisunderstood. Stupid Crazy Or It's difficult to grow up with the hidden handicapof ADD. tVe didn't yawn and stretch and sprawlacross desktops. \7e dld thesethings because had ADD. Those C's. just our totally exhausted. When we were children.

Youcut da tt whenyou went to.SruproOn Cnnzy?! If you would jwt try. Settle down. Are you tryingto driueme craTy? Why can'tJou actlil<e yow brother.t Youaren'tgratefulfor anything. a" You jwt haveto buckledawn.You MraN I'r'l Nor Lazy. Have you ever heard any of thesecomments If you're a parent.sister? Why sre you so inesponsible.. you could" it. Why are Jou actingthisway? You'retno smartto get srchternblegades. Why do you always mal<e things hnrdfor yowself? so Yow roomis always mess. "Yes!" 6\ lli . da You'relazy. Stopbothering otherchildren.have I you ever saidany of them?Our bet is that your answerto both questions is a resounding..

stupid or crazy.I don't really wish he had a physicaldisability.Since we were old en'ough know better. to our behaviors weretoleratedeven less. we encourage you to readthe following section. By many-ofus are convinced that we indeedwere-and still are-lazy. is To accomplishthis. we hope you will be by the end of this book. PR: "l have somerimes wishedthat my son had a physicalhandicap insteadof ADD. But the first and most important one is ro repeatat leastone hundredtimes: "I am not la7y. it would be easierto explain his llmitations to peoplewho don't understand. Of course. Unfortunately.This is alsothe missionstatementof this book.not many peopleunderstand his the hidden handicapof an ADD child. you have to leam asmuch asyou can about yo." For most of us the misunderstandings faulty assumptions and continued into our adolescenr years.You may not discovernew infoimation per sebut you may discovera new frameworkfor understanding .rr disorder. you'll need an in-depth understanding ADD. we'll offer many suggestions strate.Sruprnon Cnnzy It's unlikely that anyonewould tell a child in a wheelchairthat he could getr. and giesfor dealingwith ADD.His handicapis obviousand everyone understands limitations._\7e hgne you'll be ableto formulatea new.stupidor craTy!" ff you aren't convinced yet. though. would be easier *e to understand It for his limitarions. of The ADD Council of GreaterCincinnati offersa variety of services relatedto ADD issues has a missionro "FosterUnderstanding and Through Education".UNDPRsTRNDING rue DtsonornTuRr Mnrrs Us FEprLnzy. To understandyour symproms and take appropriatestepsto gain control over them. Understanding Through Education As we move through this book. Reframingyour self. If he did. the time we becomeadults.rpand walk if he tried harder.positiveself-perceprion to replacethe old one.perceprions your firsi 1ob. Even if you've alreadydone your homework in ADD.

one local principal concludedthat ADD was '80'sJ of Disorder the the Yuppie to would comeasa surprise Dr.impulsivity and inatten' with brain injuries and children with damage iion.Although he usedthe label. A few yearsago. at have reflectedthe stateof research the time: c Post -Encephnliti D isorder Hyperkinesis Minimal Brain Damage . lieved that bad mannersand improperupbringing caused supported In the first half of the twentieth century other researchers Dr. G.impulsiveand inattentive patients. Descriptions and Diagnostic Dilemmass Is It ADD or ADHD? (CNS) of ADD (or ADHD) is a disorder the centralnervoussystem of in by characterized disturbances the areas attention. that ADD is a new problem.They noted that variouskinds of brain damagecaused of parienrsto displaysymptoms hyperactivity.F. cenruryresearcher \7e doubt there weremany yuppiesin 1902when Still workedwith his hyperactive. Recent media focusgivesthe impression to Somesubscribe the theory that ADD might not be new but is being numbersof parentsto excusetheir children'smisbeusedby increasing havior. "A Defect in Moral Control". The labels many labels'havebeengiven to the disorder. he theorizedthat an organicprobof the lem rather rhan a behavioralone caused symptoms his patients.SruptoOn Cnezv?! of specificissues ADD in adults.Stilll a tum-of-the' This observation who worked with children in a psychiatrichospital. About Definitions. This wasa rather revolutionarytheory at a time when most peoplebe' misbehavior. impulsiveness and hyperactivity. Still's rheory. Over the years.You MrnN I'v Not LnzY. World'War I soldiers from a brain virus both had similar symptomsto children who apparently had been bom with them. your home.\7e will usethis frameworkaswe exyour workplaceand amine the dynamicsof ADD in your relationships.

Attention Deficit Disorderwith Hyperacriviry".the APA'srevised manual.rsed it. current version of the rhe {lagnostic manual. ^hyp." (for those whosesymptomsconrinued into adulthood).the American PsychiatriiAssociation to (4IA) responded this research revisingits diagnosticmanual by (DSM-IIX The revision includedthe new label:"Hyperkinetic Disorder of Childhood". If your son wasdiagnosed 1985with ADDH. reflecrsthis theory with yet other labels:"ADHD. why wasyour daughter in diagnosed 1988with ADHD? Are you confused in yet?\fell. advisedthat *oik is in progress be on the DSM IV! Is thereany reasonto rememberthe DSM label revisions? suppose We you could drop terms like the Diagnosticand StatisticalManual bi the .esidualTyp..the DSM-llla creatednew labels: "ADDH.research broadenedits focusbeyondhyperactiviry and concludedthat subtlecognitive disabilities memoryand attention of problemswere the coresof the disorder. Then research legan to focusprimarily on the sympromof hyperactivity in childhood.persirt"d until the '60's. A number of expertsbelievedthat hyperactiviryhad to be presentfor an ADD diagnosis. jusr ro keep you abreast research of developments.And.tcoupled with the discoverythat attention problemscould exist without activity and continue beyondchildhood. requireda secondrevision of the diagnosticmanual. They theorizedthat the other relatedsymproms were part of a separate disorder. Theseconclusions.the DSM-lll-R5.UNoEnsTeNDING rHs DtsonoERTuRr MRrEs Us Fml Lnzy. In 1980. Attention Deficit HyperacrivityDisorder"or'"LJndiffer. During the '70's.In 1968. other or abnormalitiesdetectedthrough neurologicaltesting. you g. entiatedADD" (for thosewithout hyperactivity).i. The labelschanged againin 1987. Revisedin 1987."Atrenrion Deficit Disorderwithout Hyperactivity" and 'T. Srupro oR CnRzy Minimal Brain D ysfunction Hyperkirctic Reaction Childhood of AttentionDeficit Disorder with and without Hyperactivity The focuson structuralproblemsin the brain-holes perhaps.

it's easierto type than ADHD! Secondand more important. the ADD label avoidsthe hyperactivity/nohyperactivity issue. of so ferent disorders an individual may have symptoms multiple disorders. know the limitations of a title.Otherwise. changes 10 . In practicalterms.I't.N Not Lnzv.If you caregorize report or the songyou over naming your business have ever agonized jusr composed.this meansthat relativelyfew peoplefit the classic There is alsomuch symptomoverlap betrveen difDSM diagnoses.the only reasonto know about the changinglabelsis that they reflect an ever' of changingunderstanding ADD. APAs manual attemptsto label and describe different groupsinto distinct assigning variousclustersof symptoms. First.friend'sor spouse's. adults. causes of piecesuniquely different from another of with an assortment puzzle ADDer. jigsaw puzzle possible Each of us is a puzzle and symptoms.One reasonfor this imprecisionis the complex nature of the a This complexitycreates billion-piece brain and centralnervoussystem. Adding to the diagnosticdilemma are the rapid behavioral difficult.Behaviorsjust won't fit into tidy little boxes.The significancefor an ADDer is that he shouldn't expect his to symptoms be exactlylike his child's.l You ME.A. with this attempt to The problem is that human beingsdon't cooperate behavior. ADD in this book. Specific Symptoms of ADD you'll becomeawareof the imprecision As we review specificsymptoms. we've madethe decisionto usethe genericlabel of For our purposes. The debatewill continue about ADD issues-what is it exactly and who shouldbe includedin the diagnosticcriteria?To provide guidelines the for diagnosticians. of categories disorders.SruptoOn Cnnzv?! friendsat your next party! American PsychiatricAssociationto impress The information would be usefulif you happento be studyingpsychology and need the information for an upcomingexam. It's difficult to capture you of the essence somethingin a few words. particularly asthey apply to ADD in of definitions and descriptions. that make a precisedescriptionof the disorder.

In Chaprer4. procrastination.Impairedfuncrioning can occur in any or all of theseareas attention.And a problem with attending is more than simply not paying artention long eno.It might seemparadoxical that a workaholiccould have attentional problems. the following secrion. but you do need sufficientknowledgeto capitalizeon your strengthsand bypass your weaknesses. susfdining focusover time. for Most peoplecharacterize attention deficit disorderasa problem of a an short attention span.\'as prevailingrheoryunril fairthe ly recently. right?This \. \Torkaholism. we'll of take a broaderlook at an ADDer's differences rhat don't quite fit into the diagnostic criteria. 1l .you need ro understandthe impact ADD symptoms have on your life. dividingfocus the betweenrelevant stimuli and shr/ang focusto anotherstimulus. attending is more than simply paying arrenrion. purportedlydesigned the easilybored.Sruproon CnRzy Definitionsand descriptions adult ADD are alsoimprecise of because adultsdon't have ADD. single-mindedness. In we'll examinethe three major symproms ADD. There is even a tongue-in-cheek TV show.Th"y think of ADDers asmental butterflies. You don'r have to be aWalkingEncycbpediaof ADD .rgh.The focuson hyperactivitythat frequentlydecreases adoby lescence caused researchers missmany of the more subtleproblems to that persistin adulthood.boredom-these are common. It's more accurateto describeattentional problemsascomponentsof the process aftention. Despitethe diagnosticdilemma. The result is a of failure to pay attention. and somewhatsurprisingmanifestations attentional probof lems.UNornsrnNDING DtsonogR rur Tuar Merls Us FEEILxzy. flitting from one taskor thought to anotherbut never alighting on anything.In reality.The Short Attention SpanThearcr. This process of includes clnosingtheright stimulus to focuson.It might seemparadoxicalthat a high-energyadult could have trouble getting startedon his work. Inattention Attention spanis a concept that has recently capturedthe public imagination.

Sounds. It's asif he wearsblindersthat prevent him from seeing anything but the task at hand. Similar behavior can be seenin the personwho has trouble sustainso ing attention. He struggles intently to shut out the world'sdistractions that he getslocked in to behavior that continueslong after it shouldstop. most Unable to selectthe most important stimulus.He can't selectively about his focushis attention and might endurefrequentaccusations In laziness.he approaches a 2 o o t U fi P I t2 \ \ .an excuse. becomes of sity of the manifestations ADD. The Workaholic might have little difficulty selectingfocusor sustaining it but have greardifficulty shifting his focus.Unable to shift in attention betweenactivities.SruptoOn Cnazv?! are Thesemanifestations baffling only if ADD is viewed asa short When ALL the dimensionsof attention spanor worse.sightsand the ranof dom wanderings his thoughtscontinually vie for his attention. he'sso distractedbv stimuli that he can't figure out where or how to get started. easierto understandthe diverit attention are considered. truth.he can becomeengrossed his iob to the exclusionof everythingelsein his life.smells.You MpeNI'v Not Lazv. The housemight bum down and the kids might run wild but he'll banish that last dust ball from the living room! The Procrastinator has the oppositeproblem.

we might blurt out confidential information or shareintimate details with relative strangers. "Hls work is careless because won't tr\." he "He's wasting ability his . times even starting. we might have violated classroom rules. insultedour parentsor run into the streetwithout looking. \Tithout this stimulation.So it looksasif we don't careand won't tryl In reality.we have to exertmany times the effiortof non-ADDers to maintain adequate levelsof motivarion. If the task is uninteresting. The ADDer often rushes through taskswith little preplanningand many careless errors.many ADDers require intenselystimulating situationsto maintain alertness and attentiveness. ity of work on the job. Impulsioity Impulsivity is a failure to stop and think.attention wandersand many of us are told we're unmotivated.\il7el<nowour 13 .anything. 'We're not unmotivated!Our problems with selective attention compromiseour abilities to stayfocusedand productive. lessobviousways. might pull out from our driveways !7e without checking the rear view mirror or leavework two hours early to enjol a beautiful springday. brainsdon't control behavior Our the way they should. Most of us do know the's even harder for him to sustainfocus. Being impulsivemeans that many of us act and react with astonishirrgspeed with little and thought about the consequences.UNoSRsTRNDINGDIsoRosn rur Tuer Mnxrs Us FEErLAZr.Controlling impulses tough for many is ADD adults! Impulsiviry playsout in other. \7hen we we sayand do things rashly. Heightenedinterestand a belief in one'sultimate success improves the quality of aftending. discardan imporrant documenror ruin a new pieceof equipmentbecause takestoo long to readthe instructions." .With an inability to maintain focus.Sruprnon Cnezy tasksin a disorganized fashion and has trouble finishing or some.It can affectthe qual.As adults." Thesecommentsreflect a misunderstanding the impulsivewords of and actionsof ADDers. it "He l<nows rules but breal<s tfu themanyway .He might ger into debt with impulsebuying.

Peoplewho make about us don't understandthe enormouseffort faulty assumptions in we expendkeepingour impulses check.this random. activity dysregulation Rather than moving too much.I ( 1"1 You MpnNI'v Not Ltzu. But it describes that includesa wide rangeof behaviors. Hyperactivity Hyperactivity is probablythe first symptompeoplethink of when they talk about ADD. excessive only one part of a larger primary symptomof ADD.y might immediatelyconjureup an image off of an overactive child bowrcing the wallsandhangingfromtfuLight activity can be a fixnnes!\Tithout question. someADDers talk too much! Barely pausingfor breath. Knowing thesethings.doesn'tmean that accurate we can easilycontrol the impulsivebehaviors. they talk so much and so fast that no one else T4 . SruptpOn Cnazv?! \ work is neaterwhen we work slowly. Th. however.Wel<rnw we arecapableof more work.

it points out that hyperactivitycan manifestitself in more subtleways than physicalover-acrivity. Relaxing can be impossible we might take o. t"p o. Thesefolk are exrremelvactive of but don't seem have problems to with attention. might have leamedto stop bouncing \7eoff the walls and on the fumiture but we might still feel u.we can never stop leaming about our behavioreven when we think we have a goodhandie on it. $ .UNDTRsTRNDING DtsonorR TuRr MnrcEsUs Frrl Luzy. Se.' she thanked me profuselyfor the wealth of material I had shared. congratulated I myselffor sticking to my schedule. so work secondjobs or run in marathonson the weekend.Sruplo on Cnazy rHE has a chanceto.i sharedsomeinformation about own symptoms. of she said. *-.I wasn'tparticularly I -mY hyperactive..rous hobbies. hyperactivitycan help us ger more accomplished.o. There is a final thing we shouldmention. Do you know how many times you took the top gf yo-ur At n9n 9ff and put it back-onagain?' the end of the* and unproductive.omfortable" when we have to sit still.o f guess didn't overwhelmher too much with my non-hyperactivity!" I This anecdote two messages. So we fidget. Hyperactivity can be either a deficit or an asset.d.thing.. dependingon the quality of the fingersor twirl our hair. has First. .mood swings any of or the other roadblocks that interferewith productivity. Someresearchers have studiedhyperactiveindividualswho don'r have any of the other symptoms ADD. Thesesubtlebehaviorsreflect generalized restlessness impaand _the tie-nce many of us experience.sayanything.'you might not be hvp"" active' but do you know how fastyou talk?I have atten?edlots of *orkshops. A memberof my audiencestoppedme ar the coffeepot and sharedher observations my-presentationityle.If the activity is purposeful. The speech a driven quality to it asif has the wordshave beenbottled up for centuriesand ared"rp"r"t" ro get our! PR: "At a recent conference. havenever leamedthe quantiryof information I just leamed! but And one more. Just in time for our break.The issuJfor hypen active ADD adultsis that much of their activiry is dysregulated.". commentedthat. unlike my son.

All thesemethods.theCenualNerq/ous ADD But as to makethis aspainless possible.Thesetechniques magneticfieldsto obtain clearerpicuse ing t. u. to alsousedrug responses indirectly studybrain activity. imagingdevicq to scanthe are Instead. and. can't open up an ADDer's skull to studyhis brain! researchers cause to Even if they could. Research Tools focused has As knowledgeabout ADD hasgrown. The human a brain is simply too complex and has many interrelatedparts.have's easyto assume your fault.Why is your ADD seemto changeso \Uhy do your symptoms different from each of ours? causelittle or no problem? sometimes much?Why do your symptoms that this disorderis \Tithout somebasicknowledge. it would be nearly impossible isolateand examine particular chemical or a specificportion of the brain.ri"r than thoseof a CAf scan.y Scientists in the know that certain drugsincrease quantity of neurotransmitters t6 . why?"You may be askingthis questionabout your "l symptomJ."But. it's difficult to understand without knowing someof rhe "whys" of the disorder.Why?? ADDers are curiousfolk. impulsiveand hyperactive-but why do I have this baffling disorderl"If we could give you a tidy answerto your Since no one knows would herald our discovery. . (MRI). research increasingly are on rhe possibiliryrhat the ADD brain and centralnervoussystem Testingsomeof the theoriesis tricky be' somehow wireddifferently. the bestwe can do is examinepossibilities. . So.).here goes.Th.rr" what causes of To get started. Brain Imaglngis about th" cutnesand treatment of ADD. alsoknown asmagneticresonance magneticresonance.inattentive. for r.erearchers ADD. Th"y are rarely able to let anything go by without'll need a crashcoursein the I'letnoLogy theBrain closethe book yet! \7e promise Don't System.the brain works.Another imagingtechniqueis nuclear imag' (NMR.however. They show the structureor shapeof the brain but don't tell us much about hoq. SruptoOn Cnnzv?! But. You are undoubtedly marion familiar with the X-ray and CAT scanthat provide picturesof structuresinsidethe human body.scientists usingsophisticated one promisingtechniquethat maylrovide inforbrain.. question.You MEnNI'v Nor LAzt.

thin projectionscalled axonsanddendrites. The Basics of Neurology (CNS) funcThe brain and other partsof the central nervoussysrem tion asa wonderfuland intricate CommsrdCentpr. Srupro on Cnnzy rHE the brain.UNoSRSTaNDING DIsoRnpRTHer lv{. This commandcenter coordinates systems the human body through a messenger all of system. Impulses carriedalong the length of a nerve cell and jump from are one cell to anotherin much the same wayelectricitytravelstbrougha wire. It alsoregulates controlsbehavior. "The Brain's Postal S"ystem" I7 .lrEs Us Fprl Lnzy. It sends messages receives and thosesent from variouspartsof the body and from the outsideworld. of of These are cell bodieswith long. A positive drug response suggesrs insufficiencyof the an neurochemicalaffectedby the particulardrug. How doesthis fit into the theoriesabout the possible causes ADD? of Lett take that crashcoursein Neurologyto glt better understanding " of the "why's" of your disorder. and The messenger system the CNS consists millions of nerve cells.

ome ing passag"t That wasn'ttoo bad.An outpouringof endorphinsduring vigorousexercise protectshis body-from "liigh".rni-rer's and. that act asthe body'sown ar" th"lain relieving neurotransmitters causes morphine.the nerve cell'sdendrite.You Menr I'rt Not Lxzt.. b".if is rhe neurorransmitter that mobiliresthe reaction to isn't surprising Although there isn't of are conflicting theoriesabout the causes ADD. SruptoOn Cnazv?! in. of as theoriesabout this dysregulation well asan assortment other insufficient level of this chemicalmight increase be a part of ADD.nurryresearchers consensur.wasit? Now let'susethis informationaswe consider from research' sometheoriesthat have emerged Current Theories About the Key Players in ADD that there Since the Command Center is so complex.or I apse."n"g the pain of stressedhuscles better known asadrenaninjury until he rests. Since stimulant drugsusedin the treatment dopaminelevels. At the end of the axon is a syn' message The eiectricalimpulse. This increase the marathon r. Frontal Lobes have Researchersu found reducedblood flow in the frontal lobe areaof of ADD adults (Seedrawing).."li carry the message cell'saxon to another'sdendrite. is agreethat this interrelatedsystem dysreg' .oints-an athlete is often un'[. Thesechemi. The the fghr or fhghtresponse. wider so one can either run or fight an enemy.They have been able to obthe brains the brain in action through a combination of scanningdevices __s_e_rve 18 . g"p betweenthe nervecel1s.travelsfrom the dendrite . Neurotransmitters to research conclude have usedindirect d*g response Someresearchers may play dopamine that an insufficient quantity of the neurotransmitter of ADD a role in ADD. calle messengers d newo' by the is .The are Messages first receivedby receptors in the form of an electrical impulse. someof the examines The following discussion ulated in somefurhiorr. throuih the cell body and the axon.d.ti. This "*". alin.o.r"t". heart beatsrapldlVand the breath".i"d across synapse chemical the across gapfrom one ian ^itters. Endorphins you might be familiar with someof theseneurotransmitters.

c)Br5 RErrc u u/tG{ AcrrrzATl G N sYSrEF. a reducedflow in the frontal lobessuggesrs loweredactivity in this area.Thesesymproms resemble thoseof ADD but aremoresevere. wakingcornciousness.uNoeRsreNDrNc DrsonosR rur THRI MnrEsUs FmrL. of L9 . Areaswith high levelsof the radioactivesubstancehave the greatest blood flow. Sincealermess a big problemfor an ADDeris he hastrouble staylngawakeand payingarrention-an impairmenrin this system might cause somesymproms the disorder.1 "The Commurtication Feedback Laop: The Reticular Activating Systemand the Frontal Lobes" and radioactivetracers.It's the seatof arousal is in the human brain and regulates stateof alertness the from deepsleepto full. Reticular Activating System The reticular activating system in the brain stem. The frontal lobesarecritical to many of the brain'sexecurivefunctions. therefore. Actual frontal lobe brain damage causes impulsiviry. sruproon cRazy [Re>rrrnu L.mood swings disinhibitedbehaviorand sometimes hlperactiviry. Since blood flow is an indicator of brain activity or work. play a signifiiant role in ADD. initiative and the abiliry ro regulate behavior. Thesefunctions include planning.It makessense that they might.+zy.

times it works Primary Sleep Disorder theorizethat the core problem in ADD isn't excess Someresearchers In but rather.Other recent research to to arenecessary anchor leaming in memory.This suggests us that leaming problemsbecause associated adult may demonstrate someADD interferewith this deepdreamstate.You MraN I't. difficult. to into sleepingand waking pattems suggests someinvestigaResearch In from a primary sleepdisorder. thar the disorderarises rors problems result. Similar to a looseelectricalwire.if not most cases.tNor Lnzv. some expertsbelieve that the lno1 interact asa conLmwicanon feedback in along this loop. an inherited trait.T and This intriguing theory might explain the inconsistentperformance of erraricsymproms ADD.This might not come if asa surprise you are the ADD parent of an ADD child. a short in functioning. other words.Sleepdisturbances are fairly common in ADDers. Somedysregulated the loop of the brain'swiring could cause it and sometimes doesn't. perhapsasa shorc problemsof ADD lie somewhere the wiring.u other words.Parents and their childto characreristics their children through their behaviors rearingsryles-children imitate their parentsand tend to adopt their and soundslike a taped values.inflections and pauses.underarousal. know the power of modeledbehavior. their sleepirregularities Parenting or Heredity? questions about ADD but we know that There are many unanswered it's in many. you 7. Children with ADD are likely to have ADD parentsor closerelatives. Thesescientists tivity level might be in part an effort to stayawake.0 .peoplewith ADD acdviry that a high achypothesize aren'rfully awakeand alert.hasarousal poorly and asa the personwith ADD sleeps indicatesthat deepdreamstates during the day.SruptoOn Cnnzv?! and the frontal lobes The functions of the reticular activating system .When your son talks to his playmates recordingof your voice with preciselyduplicatedwords. Many experienceirregularpattems of Others sleepso deeplythat arousalis and sleeplessness reawakening. pass on Not all family traits resultfrom genetic inheritance.

don't ever remember I hearingthat nature.'!7e preferto feel that we have control over eventsand can shapedestinyby our actions. ZT .the theme of respecting individual differences wasan integral part of my "methods"courses. If you are a parent." Theory of Blame This theory holds that the only reasonable explanationfor misbehavior or leaming problemsis that someone. there a new babv in the'reprobablywell acquaintedwith child-rearingexperts believe in this theory. It's unnerving to think that our childrert comeas theyare and that we have somewhatlimited influenceon their behavior. too toughon him. we often grow up blaming our problemson our upbringing and believing that everything wrong in our lives is caused our dysfunctionalfamilies. This rather limited view of human behaviormay be fosteredby the value \Testem culture placeson self-determination. I wastaught that behaviorand leaming problemsresultedin largepart 'Was from emotional and environmental factors." like "You.d neverbehaue that in my house.UNoERSInNDING Dtsonopn THer Mnxes Us FEErrHE Lnzy.minimizing or excludingconsideration of a neurological make-up. or environment wasthe primary determinerof behavior." ere "YoLr aren'ttough enough onhim. a death in the family or a divorcel The underlyingphilosophyof my training wasthat nurture. is doing something wrong. usuallya parent. especially beforewe leam about our disorder. Do we inherit our behavioralcharacteristics do we leam them? or PR: "'W'henI wasin collegein the late '60's. who family and teachers who eagerlyoffer unwantedcommentsand advice about the correct method for raisingyour children: "He woul." Many of us do our own shareof blaming.Our analysis by focuses on the impact of environment. Srupro on Cnazy ? The questionof nature versus nurture has alwaysbeen tricky." " ALIhe needs grandma's is spatulaon lusbottom.or inbom genetics playedany role at all in leamingproblems.Thesefolk are the friends.Unaware of the underlyingADD.During my four yearsof educationcourses.

to.Warm.SruptoOn Cnnzvl! adoption studiesn Although the jury may be out foreveron this issue. up Children with to adjust difficulty new situations from withdraw new expeflences quietly withdraw from change well adjust eventually Difficult Children irregular have eating patterns andsleeping poor display adaptability respond with high intensity 0verreact t0 sensory stimulation generally have negative moods levels have activity high 72 . When research studiedthe birth parentsand families of theseadoptedADD children.a high percentage adoptedchilment.The research findings raisedcritical questions about environment asthe primary influenceon personalirydevelopment. For reasons parentshave a low incidence dren haveADD even though their adoptive has of the disorder.The studyfound that the for twins sharedcharacteristics such asa preference cold coffeeand wearingthree rings on one hand and four on the other. groupof children frorn birth until late adolescence. Many other studiessupportthe theory of a strongheredity component. Thesefindings point to a geneticbasisfor the syndrome. or has Relatedresearch focusedon inbom personalitycharacteristics. A University of Minnesotastudypublishedin 1988examinedthe were identical twins who The subjects effectof genes personality. indicate that heredity has a strongerinfluence on ADD than environof that areunclear. it hasfound a high incidenceof ADD.l. Three groupsof from the research: different temperamental stylesemerged Easy Children well adapt to routines adjust quickly fairly to change mild show to moderate levels intensity of for cryonly specific needs: hunger. The New York Longitudinal Study" followed a large temperament. wet diaper. etc. on at had been separated birth and rearedapart.You MEaNI'vt Not Lazv. positive display moods reactions and Slow.

do. Most peoplewith ADD don't have a history of theserisk factors. diagnosticmethodshave identified children with more subtle improved forms of the disorder. s{le that This research emphasizes a child is bom with a temperamental that remainsremarkablystableover time. or other pollutants in causing exacerbating to that they might play a part asother substances k's reasonable suspect damage. that environmentaltoxins play a role. most children with historiesof prenataland childbirth complihowever. It doesappear. the that pre andpostbirth problemsincrease infant'srisk of developing symptoms ADD. percentage ADDers. in variouspattemsof neurological 73 . The role of ADD is a big questionmark.rHE THnr M.Sruptoon Cnezv UNorRsrnNDrNG DrsoRoEn As infants and young children. particularlyregardinghyperactivity. Although a parent can influa ence the developmentof his child. In one group of young children later diagnosed of had symptoms their disorder ADD.Conversely.lres FEsrUs Lezv.eating.prethere is evidence of natal factorsand ADD. ADDers often fall into the categoryof with difficult children.and sleepingresemble symptoms ADD. of to the CNS is a factor in a small Environmental Toxins in There is ongoing debateabout an increase the numbersof children with ADD.that early damage cationsdon't developADD. Although not all difficult children have's difficult to analyze but Somearguethat the incidencehasn't increased that this increase.fetal distress post-maturity. Since definitions of ADD have changed newly diagnosed over time. their irregularpattems of the of reacting. The risk factorsinclude poor matemal health. It is undoubtedly Othersspeculate are true rhar environmentalhazards threateningour health. he can't cause difficult disposition.long labor.t' asmany as 70olo demonstrated by agetwo or earlier. Some expertsconsiderADD an extremein the rangeof normal temperamental differences. maof or temal ageof twenty or less. One third of of children with lead poisoninghave symptoms ADD. In a smallpercentage cases. Pregnancy and Childbirth Complications No one is sureabout the relationshipbetweenbirth complications.

etheorieshave been repeatedly proponents'findings. There may be a subgroup ADDers of who aresensitiveto somefood substances. Lendon Smithtaholds in of that the primary culprit in ADD is the consumptionof a largequantity of refined sugar. in The Theoryof InformanonExplo. Just a Bad Apple \7e doubt that anyoneis doing research this popular. The diet doesseemto relieve the symptoms about 5o/o ADD children.makestheir children hyperactive. number of parentsand professionals a have sworn by the Theoryof FoodDyes.Addinues andSugarasthe cause ADD.unscientific on goeslike this: The enaticbehnq)ior '\DD children adulx is theory! It of and intenti onal. developed special a diet to eliminate food additivesand salicylates.could becomeoverwhelmedby the demands a fast-paced.mnliciouslyplanne misb d ehavi or. makes to it to sense eliminate it from the diet. For years. Alan Toffler'5predictedthat dire psychological consequences would resultfrom the rapid changes modem society. SruproOn Cnazv?! Food Dyes. Dr. In his book Fuune society Shoclc. Information Explosion Somebelievethat "psychological hazards" our increasingly of complex contribute to the higher incidenceof ADD.. Dr. Many people regarded has asentirely normalin a simplersociety. testedwith little corroborationof The.however. Benof jamin Feingold. of complex one.that they could make the symptoms more noticeableand disabling.You MpaNI'v Nor L. This doesn'tmean that the psychological hazards cause ADD. she "This cerealwill take the hyperreadsthe label on a box that promises: activity right out of them!" If only it weretrue.Someparentsare convinced that sugarin their particular. It doesseemlogical.sion validity.Scientific studiesaside."a pediatricianand allergist.if a particularfood or additive seems contribute to symptoms. Additives and Sugar Have you seenthe cartoon illustrating a mother in the grocerystore with her hyperactivechild?\XAile he runs up and down the aisles.+zv. This variation on the theme of the Theoryof Blameis basedon the assumption that an ADDer can control his behaviorbut chooses not 74 .

\ . Of course.thesetheoristsdon't have ADD and don't have a clue what it's like to live with the disorder. 4 vi : - As an ADD adult.UNornsrnNDrNG DrsonogR rsg THRI Mnrrs Us Frel Ltzy. SruprooRCRRzy to.Using your disorderasan for behaviordoesn'thelp your personalgrowth and excuse irresponsible gives the BadAppl" theoristsammunition. z5 . you didn't askto be bom this way but you do need to work hard to shoot holes in this theory.somewhat that we don't have the answerto thesequestions!But apologetically. How Common is ADD? How many of us arethere?Is ADD common?We have to say. acceptance the best of the cardshe'sbeen dealt. A11of us need to develop to strategies manageour symptoms-but we need to do it with selfEverypersonwith a disability has to make and forgiveness. here are some guesstimates.

SruproOn Cnezv?! The prevalence literature vary widely figuresreportedin professional from 1olo Z0o/o the population.however. And we're strugglingdaily with the realiry of this disorderin our lives. there is a lack of agreement about symptorns. KK: "My experience has heightenedmy awareness about the prevalence of ADD in adults.I discovered that I had ADD and beganeducatingmyselfabout the disorderin adults.A year into my teaching. As children we may have worn ow '\DD on oLLr sleeues we bounced off walls as and destroyed everything in sight. no The nature of our hidden handicapand our ability to manage sympour tomshave fooled scientists into thinking ADD is just for kids.most research focusedon children and hasn't included adolescent has and adult subjects.The estimateacwithout hyperactivirycite a Z0o/o (in ceptedmany professionals a conservative our opinion) 3-5o/o. know.The result is adultswho still have ADD but who have leamed to hide or redirect their more obvious symptoms. We that we are SrilJ ADD After AILTheseYears. Someresearch studies include individualswithout hyperactivityand somedon't. z6 .!7hy is there so little consensus? First. statisticsand the existenceof ADD in adults. is Your question. By the time we becomeadults.Three yearsago I beganteachingin a small liberal arts college.\Ue've been trying to tell everybody with our wordsand behaviorsthat we haven't maturedout of this "childhood disorder". or at leaststronglysuspect.You MEnNI'r'rNor Lnzv. Studiesthat include individuals to of prevalencefigure. Am I Still ADD After All These Years? \X/hile the expertsexaminedefinitions. The lack of consensus about diagnosticcriteria and a somewhatlimited number of studieswith ADD adultshas resultedin statisticsthat vary from studyto study. Until fairly recently.many of us are too busydealingwith our disorderto debatetheseissues. one waslistening.Neurologicalchanges might alsocontribute to someof theseadaptivebehaviors.most of us have leamedto channel someof the energyinto more sociallyacceptedactivities."But why?"may be on the tip of your tongue. Second.

Somehad difficulty with written work." ADD is a Childhood Disorder that Occurs Primarily in Boys 'We hate to break this news to the old-schoo| thought of experts. as particularly women. they would begin to sigh impatiently. My experience with nursingstudentsbringsme to another point.Their symptoms so subtlethat no one identifies are their problems. blank looks of coninterrupted to askwhat I had just saidor registered fusion. This is common for many adults.After the first of two lecture hours. levels. Many of my students wereexcellentleamersand workerswith positivequalitiesof extra energyand fresh.Srupto on Cnazv UNoERsTRNDING DrsoRognTHRI Mnrrs Us FeEr- I lUith this new understanding.the women I identified with probableaftention deficits hadn't been diagnosed children.Th"y alsotended to blurt out irrelevant comments. I madethe startling observationthat I could identifu problemsof attention and organizationin studentssolelyon the basisof their activity continually often the brightestin my classes. With one exception. tappedtheir pencilsor doodled. who arejust beginning adult life should take heart from Youngreaders my experiences. 27 . their brainsgoing so fast they skippedover transitional ideasor left out important details.Th"y may receivelesspunishment and disapproval but than their male counterparts often become lost in the shufrle. hyperactivebut continually jiggled Thesestudentswerenot classically their feet. is being challengedasincreasing numbersof adult women are newly diagnosed.Many had leamedto in quite well but becamedisorganized novel and stressful compensate situationssuch asthe start of new nursingclinical rotations. Th"y are representative many adultswho copesuccessfully of with ADD.ruE Llzv. The first thing I noticed wasthe fidgetiness.but authors Kelly and Ramundoare ADDers who are neither boysnor children! The assumption that many more boysthan girls have ADD. I have little doubt that severalof them will have distinguished careers.Thesestudents. becameacutelyawareof studentsin my classes who were like me. Little girls with ADD tend to be lessphysically hyperactiveand aggressive than ADD boys.creativeapproaches.

t6 Thesestatisticssuggest that the leaming and adjust.The ratio is closerro one:one if ADD without hyperactivity is included.You MraN I'v Nor Lezy.Thesechildren-and adults-have specialneedsthat serious are too often overlooked. Although most of us are uncomfortablewith ambiguity. "How hasthisdisorder an irnpact mJ life?" had on "How do ^y differences out in my dnily Life?" play "How canI lwlp myselfl" In the next three chapters. 'We have consideredseveralquestionsthat don't have easyanswers. ment problemsof many ADD girls are too subtleto be identified. This apparentunder-identificationof girls and non-hyperactiveboysis a problem.six times more boysthan girls have been diagnosed with the disorder. we'll look at the impact ADD has at various stages life and at the wayseach of us is uniquely differenr from our of non-ADD peers.SruproOn Cnazy?! Historically.!7e'11 devotethe remainderof the book to rhe third questionand sharelots of suggestions managingsymproms for and discoveringyour ADDed Dimension. z8 .we need to focusour attention on other issues that do have answers.

It hasbeensaidthat personality of develops around the ADD handicap-the way each of us dealswith our abilitiesand disabilitiesis affected our life experiences.ow child to act Lil<e. Considerthe following scene. Thesenegativecyclesof interactionsand reactionsresult from blame. on Many of us have countless childhood memories similar scenes. ADD adultshave to copenot only with individual symptoms also but with the negativereactions others. my tlwt!" In response the to disapproval JoLLr growing and frustration.We of werereactingpredictablyto the ADD wiring in our brainswhile our parentswere trying to do the best they could in a tough situation. Thesenegativeinterpersonalcyclesbegin early in an ADD child's life and impact in a varieryof wayson her subsequent development. by 29 . Jou angrilygab Jour childand. The parentsblame the teachers their for incompetence. Sheresponds eitherby throwingan orange Jou or at writhingin a ternper tantrLun thefloor. Youare in the grocerJ storeuying to shopwith your child" is tosslng who oranges dcross produce the aisleand pulling rhings the shelq.CHaprEn 3 Thelrnpacf of Growing witheDD Up R"*"-ber the Theory of Blame?Blame often fuels a deadlycycle of disapproval."I would" never all. And everyone blamesthe child. are off You keenlyawareof the disapproving glares other shoppers of and"hear seueral muttered. teIIhersheis an embarrassment you've justabouthad" with her and it obnoxious behauior. Teachers an underachieving of studentblamethe parentsfor not properly supportingthe child's leaming.tes.

This is a time for gaining self-con. of 30 . Mistmst This first stagelastsroughly through the first year of life. Toddler Years-Autonomy vs. stage For of infancy meansfrequentdiapering.disappointmentand self-blame their own apparenr at incompetence.But parenrand babydevelopa happycoexisrence. many babiesand their familier.Their parenrsfeel a mixture of anger.the toddler develops waysof acting on and reactingto her world.m.You MraN I'u Nor Lazy. The backdropwill be the Cycle of Blame and Disapproval that makesgrowing up with ADD so difficult. Somemothersof ADDers speak ruefullyof the pregnancy asa training period for the lifetime ro come! Sleepless nights and harried daysbecomea way of life asthe parenr copeswith irregulareating and sleeping patterns. Developmental Ages and Stages and the Cycle of Disapproval Infancy-Thrst vs. feedingsand fatigue.yearcold.allowing them little sleep. Especially the early in months.It isn't uncomto mon for this mother to saylarer that her baby"jusr didn't like her". The infant's world is filled primarily with sensory experiences.easilystimulatedand loud! Her attemprsro calm and comfort her babyarefrequentlyunsuccessful.SruproOn Cnazy?! To examineADD's impact at different ages and stages life. trol and a sense pride asshebeginsto make choices.During rheseearly months. th. frameworkof psychosocial development. Shame and Doubt From about 12 months to 3 W. holding In her screaming daughterseems make things worse.dressing. someADD babiescontinually kick their morhers.soothing. Difficult infants are uncomfortableand unlwppy.Many of our owrr mothersmight still talk rwenty or thirty yearslater about how difficult we werebeforewe wereboml Even in utero. can play out quite differently in the houseThe ADD Infant: This stage hold of an ADD baby. fact. 3:00 a. cranky. we'll borof row psychologist Eric Erikson'st? Dr. the dynamicsof ADD already begin to have a negativeimpact on family relationships.Her infant tendsto be over active. shehas little control over her world and relieson caregivers fo1h9r safetyand security.

masters word "NO!" and acquiies She the the behaviorsshe'll need for admissioninto the elite Tenibl^e club." is a common refrain.jumps and swings herselfinto situationsthat strike teffor in her parent's heart. That's all I rememberabout that early emergency room visit that ended with five stitchesin my rongue. PR: "l have a vaguememoryfrom when I was 18 months old. conscientious parent can becomedisheartened her child'sseemat ing unwillingness follow rules. "Not again!" 3I . climbs.impulsivetoddlersand preschoolers are more likely to have accidents and accidentalpoisonings than nonADDers. Hyperactive.This is often a mixed blessingfor her parentswho are led on a merry chase "My child never ! walked. oo. Tempersflare as rhe child's negativepersistence poor adaptabilityclashes and with parentalattemptsto contain the out-of-controlbehaviors. Z's She'sno longer totally dependenron others and beginsto jockey for power in the family unit.shealways ran. the ADD toddler may be somewhat lessfussyasshediscoversthe excitement of new worlds to conquer. of a room with yellow tile and a red lollipop in the corner of my mourh. "oh. shedevelopslanguage skills and struggles separafor tion from her caretakers.I clearlyremember yelling.The ADD toddler also rolls. As I crashedthrough my neighbor'swhite picket fence. This_frstadalescerrce the powerstruggles and that ensueareremarkably similar to the one that followsabout ten or twelve yearslaterl Parents cling with desperate hope to the folk wisdomabout the Terrible 2'snot lasting forever. But I vividly recall an accidentseveral yearslater that wasbut one in a long string of injuries.this is a difficult period. to Once mobile.For many. not more stitches!" And I alsoremembermy morher looking ar my bloody eye and saying.THeIupncr Or GnowrNcUp Wrru ADD During this time. or The ADD Tbddler:The battle of wills betweenthe ADD child and her family really heatsup during this stage. It requiresenormous patience as they attempt to guide their children'seffor$ towardsindependence without beingover-controlling protective. Even the most consistent.

\Uhen I first heard this story I washorrified! After I becamea parent myself.You MenNI'v Nor Lnzy. with her 1 year old daughter at and veryhyperact 2 yearoldl" we SomeADDers are rather calm and placid asinfants and toddlersonly to wakeup later aspreschoolers. shewould tie me to a tree in the yard so I wouldn't hurt myselfor . The experience made a lasting impression.SruproOn Cnnzy?! KK: "One of my more memorableemergency room visits resulted from plugginga barbecue fork into an electrical outlet. homesof thesetoddlersmight not be The 3Z . someoneelse. this day.r t. And I only have one child-I can hardly imagine how my pregnantmother managed all.I have a fear of plugging To in anything electrical! I have been told that when my mother wasfeeling particularly desperate.I could empathizewith the frustration my mother must have felt.

has a clear sense herselfasseparate of from others and beginsto developfeelingsof empathy.unfair assessment his wife'sparentingskillsl of Preschool-Initiative vs. The ADD child's lack of control getsin the way of her establishinga healthy sense independence of and creates serious feelingsof inad"q.racy in her parents. the parBy ent knows that the folk wisdom isn't true. She worriesthat while other children are coloring. One stay-at-homemother reportedthat the best thing that ever happenedwasher husband's losing his 1ob.Through daily trial and error. building with blocksand developingfriendships.This parent can be unsympatheticro rhe complaints of the exhaustedspouse who spent all day with the difficult toddler. She has mastered her autonomy. Somepreschoolers continue to have irregulareating and sleeping pattems and resistall attemptsat toilet training. Guilt The preschoolchild leams to make increasinglypurposefuldecisions and behavioralchoicesduring this stagein her development. just a few hours with the child in The working parent usuallyspends the early evening. Motor clumsiness alsobecan comemore apparentasthe older preschooler undertakes complex the 33 . daughteris her wanderingaround aimlessly.The power struggles that have been raging for a while. for The ADD Preschooler: this point in an ADD child's life.THEIupncr Or GnowrNcUp tJilrruADD battle zonesbut can bear a striking resemblance designated to disaster areasafter a major storm! Debris from toys and belongingsare often strewnall over the houseby the distractibletoddler assheflits from one activity to another. particularly if one parent isn't working outside the home. he profuselyapologized his for earlier. The parenr often feelsthat she is fighting a losing battle againsther child's inabiliry ro plan and acceptlimits.After about three weeksat home with his ADD toddler. she gainsan awareness her position in the schemeof of things and assumes someresponsibility her behavior. escalate.Misunderstandings frequently erupt betweenthe parentsof this child. The Terrible 2'sshould be over by now but her child is aswillful and difficult asever.

Developmental lagsin speech language or can also 34 . at Interestingly. PR: "l countedthe daysuntil my youngson would start nurseryschool. coloring and writing. On the adviceof the preschoolteacher. After dodging preschoolers leapingjoyfully into their mothers' arms. While my friendssharedtheir anxietiesabout leavingtheir children.It's a word that her parentswill probablyhear for yearsto come! In a preschool setting. a parent decides find out why her daughterdoesn'tlisten and to follow directions.fierce independence seems to smooth the ffansition from home to preschool. I didn't feel any better when I returnedto pick him up.The temporaryhearinglossthat accompanies theseear infectionsconffibutesto the ADD child'sdifficultiesin listeningand following directions in preschool.SrupinOn Cnazy?! tasksof dressing and tying shoes.You MEnNI'v Nor Lazy.I greeted son my who lookedat me and said.Thntrumsthat werenormal during the Terrible 2'sare an embarrassment 3 or 4 yearsold.The fact-findingmissionto the audiologist usually is unproductive. This trip to the audiologist often overlaps multiple visits to the pediatrician for recurringboutsof otitis media (middle ear infections).many immatureADD children who often have difficulty with change." Many parentsbegin their searchfor answers the riddle of their ADD to child during the preschoolyears.The evaluationrarelyyieldsany information about a specific\earing loss."l don't want to leave.don't seemto sufferfrom the separation anxiety characteristic of their age-mates. The early. ran never even tuming aroundat the door to saygoodbye I wonderedwhy ! he wasn'tjust a little sadaboutleavingme. I could hardlycontain my joy at the prospect! \7ith my son in tow. I hunied pastseveraltearful mothersasupsetas their children wereaboutthe impendingseparation. cutting. must admit that I I wasn'tprepared my feelings for when Jeremy into his new classroom. The preschool teacheris usuallythe first personto describe ADD the child asimmature.the age-inappropriatenessthe of child'sbehavioris particularlynoticeable.

Tur Ivpncr Or GnowrNcUp Wrru ADD occur if the infections becomechronic.unable to masterthe requiredskills. Not only is there a strongcorrelationbetweenADD and middle ear infections.emotionaland academic of development. tests.The respiratory familiesof ADD preschoolers often spend hours in physicians' waiting rooms! The preschoolyearsaren't necessarily easyonesfor ADD children but are in general. often develop a sense inferiority.the ruleschange. Expectations changedramaticallyasthesechildren move into elementary school.lessproblematicthan the schoolyearsthat follow. asthmaand other problems.there is alsoa high incidenceof allergies. The placedon young children take into accountthe wide difdemands ferences betweenindividual children of the sameage. This is when the of proverbialyouknow whathits the fan for many children with attention deficits.The grades marked on her papersand report cardsreflecthow shemeasures 35 . to In elementaryschool.the ADD preschooler's deficitsmay be relativelyhidden or ascribed immaturity.Freedomof choice is built in to the structureof early childhood education. Elementary School-Industry vs. The School-AgedADD Child: The philosophyof earlyeducationis to teach children generalskills through exposure varied experiences.As an ADD child makesthe transition to the next stage. The parent might find herself visiting the audiologistagainfor her child's language therapy and ear tubesto prevent additional infections.Preschoolteachers expectchildren to be at differentstages social.the curious preschoolerbecomes a She is expectedto learn specific skills and demonstrate knowledge in measurable her ways.however. to \Tithin the preschoolenvironment. Inferiority The elementary schoolyearsare critical onesasthe developingchild beginsthe process acquiringthe skills sheneedsto take her place in of society.Children who are for whatever reason. she encountersincreasingpressure competeand perform sociallyand to academically.

y often find it difficult to measwe up. 36 . Thesemeasurements include specificsubjectsaswell aseffort and conduct. The overuse written testsand of one word answers measures leaming addsto their problems. SruproOn Cnnzy?! up to classmates. becomes risk for failure and subsequent of she at loss selfesteem.You MenNI'ruNor Lxzy. Many ADD children have trouble leaming in traditional classrooms whereteachers talk and studentlisten. As demandsfor perforrnanceand comparisonsto peersincrease. as of Th.

impulsiveand hyperactive children arecharacterized asbullies and the non-hyperactive. Peers often admire or at leasttolerate rowdinessmore than they do eccentricity. may spendtheir recess by they times playing alone. testingrarelyuncovers attention deficits.she she may begin to fail. flaky or nerdy.reserved children asweird. More often The the than not.Although many ADD children experiencesocialproblems. the child receives placementin a specialclass the emoa for tionally or behaviorallydisturbed. This litany is a constanttheme in the lives of ADD schoolchildrenwhose qualiry of work variesfrom day to day.The impaired socialskills of non-hyperactive ADD children (who are often girls) resultsin lonely isolation. formation she misses. As she movesup through the gradelevels. she might sufferprecisely On because can get by. Faulty assumptions relegare rhis ADD child ro rhe lowest readingand math groupswhere she is never expectedto accomplish very much. Ostracized classmates. her of poor motivation and irresponsibility. the "bullies" seemto have somewhatlesstrouble than their "weird" counterparts. The complexity of details and demandsfor instant memory recall tax her fragile skills. "Help" often comesin the form of lecturesabout her lack of effort.This often leadsto the label of "underachiever". As the quantity of requiredwritten work exceeds abiliry to produce. An impulsiveADD child often spends much time in the hall or as principal'soffice asshe doesin her classroom! The frustratedteacher sometimes suggests the disruptivestudentbe evaluatedbVthe school that psychologist.Information that seems clear on Monday is suddenlyincomprehensible Tuesday. the other hand. on Teachers often misunderstandthe confusionthesechildren feel and comment that they aretoo smartto be acting sodumb. In socialsituations.she is accused carelessness. 37 . A child with lessability often escapes criticism that plaguesthe the underachieverbut she may be written off and missthe opportunity to reachher potential.THr Iupncr Or GnowrNcUp lhrH ADD Strong verbal skills can help an ADD studentfill in the gapsof the in. Parentsoften saytheir greatest concem is their daughter's lack of friends.

Even if an ADD child fails in excellingat extra-curricular field can on or her academically.The chancesare good that the child will walk through the door with a displayof her worst behavior. often getsits start in The I dan'tcareattttudeperfected adolescence.her tired brain givesout.outstandingteacherswho appreciate and respectthe ADD student'sunique talents and gifts. After hours of working hard just to tread water.SruptoOn Cnazv?! The drive to be competent in the school yearsincludesa keen interest activities. classmates often do.Her peersmay ridicule her in classand reject her everytime they chooseplayersfor their teams-and chooseher last. to justhaveto beme.huueuer. Relationshipson the home front can also be shaky..The dawdling and ! for-work-parents. Although the teachermight not appreciate ADD child's improbabletalesor detaileddrawings the of monsters. On and in if an ADD child makeshumiliating mistakes kickball and on the of math test. There are endless portunities for humiliation at home. shedevelops If adequate socialskills.. Thankfully.Often the ADD child falls apart when she comeshome from school.I Momings choresand homeworkundermineparent-childrelationships.her parent or babysitter inner strength. physicalprowess the soccer baseball provide an opportunity for success acceptance. of the can be just asdifficult asthe ADD child anticipates stresses the procrastinationdrive her harried.shefacesa double-whammy failure. Author Ramundo'sson has worked with several. The youngADD child startsconstructinga shieldto protect herselffrom embarrassment. crazy opThe elementaryschoolyearscan be very difficult.latecoming day. They know that a greatimagination comesin handy at recess. school and in the neighborhood. the other hand.At the end of his primary 38 . The ensuingbattles over now that I'm safeat home.shecan becomea leaderwhen the group discovers that her ideasare interestingand fun. there are many creative. Her creativity and imaginationcan be valuableassets.You MEaNI'v Nor Lazv. by childhood. \il/ith anticfor might start searching ipation of her arrival. it The behaviorseems reflecta feelingof: I can'tl<eeDup anJ more. The picture isn't totally glnonry.

his teacher said. Iisten. At the next stetion. they have enormous significance the adolescent.Although theseare important issues the school-age for child.The baggage negativefeelingsshecarries of from childhood addsto ever increasing feelingsof inadequacy. l)ue to the sheernumbers students. the adolescenr struggles to feel successful competent.'.ents in to the classroom.ents their hastilygathered and materials another rc work sffidonin the assembly plant. the process anotherteacher the and" begins again. Although hyperactivitymay have decreased. real the textbook. the ADD adolescenr As measures success the three important areas."l thoroughlyenjoyedhavingJeremy my in class.lockers slamand bellsring. But this is how it feelsfor the ADD adolescentwho keeps falling off the conveyorbelt-she simply can'r regroup fast enoughto keepup.tnke notes. concentration and impulsivitygenerally persist. pushes barningbuttonof the nixt subject.anti-social activity and poor peerrelationships. The things I taught him don'r comparero the things he taught me aboutchildrenwith learningdifferences. and nke and After 50 minutes.conueJor beltsrapidlymovethe stud. difficultieswith aitention. in socialrelationships extra-curricular and activities. popquiTTes written exams. Confusion for Tbit is a period of searching an identity and experimentingwith different waysof behaving. suspension from school. 39 .THr Ivpncr OpGnowrNc Wrru ADD Up cycle.During this time. often concludes her in she that shehasfailed. of educarion ar this level resembles assembly an line: Stud. We hope that our metaphordoesn'toffendreaders who arejunior or seniorhigh schoolteachers. School often becomes nightmareof unattainable a goalsevenforADD reens who managed survivein elementary to school. for The ADD Adolescent: Research shownthat adolescents has with ADD are at greaterrisk for loweredschoolachievement." Adolescence-Identity vs.She measures self-worthprirnarily and her by her success academics. prefile pareresearch papers. The physicalenvironments largejunior and hlgh schoolbuildings of can be impossibly distracting-hundreds of studenrs move about.

Unfortunately.SruploOn Cnnzv?! The heavy demandson fragile memory writing and organization skills can overwhelm the ADD student who previouslysurvivedor and parentsrarely Teachers perhapseven excelled." lpss time sociali7ing.they assume is causingthe new academicfailure: "Youknowhow a teenager Slrecares moreaboutherfnenls isJ wouldiustburkle down atd spend work. characterize parentsand teacherssometimes . Instead. peerpressure considerthe possibilityof ADD. ADD adolescents ically. .academically. theseADD teens. somemay decideto give up on and quietly retreat from interpersonal the idea of peer acceptance Others develop an attitude-at leastthat's how relationships.You MEnNI'u Nor Lxzv. At this point in their lives. If she than her school .many don't do any better sociallythan they do academ.the peergroup is of primary importanceto adolescentswho expendgreatenergytrying to fit in. \Tithout question.

TUEIupncr Or GnowrNcUp WrrH ADD

Failing at home, schooland with peers, they work at perfectingthe "l don't care" attitude they beganfosteringin childhood. This bravado of beingbadoften emerges cover up social and performancedeficits. to There is usuallya high school peer group who shares this attitude toward school and adult authority. Believing shehas no orher viable options, the ADD adolescenr may gravitate to this group. She hopes to finally find a measure peer acceprance. of Normal adolescence a time for experimentationasteenagers is struggle to define their identities and separate themselves from their paren6. The impulsive ADD adolescent who experiences failure in every area of her life might take this experimentationto an exrreme.The porential for serioustrouble is real if sheexperimentswith drugs,sexor other risky behaviors. W"henan ADD child becomes adolescent, parentstake an her a deepbreath and hope their growing child can successfully negoriare the hazards. The transition to adulthoodis generallya challengeeven for a welladjustedadolescent. Balancingthe need to break awayfrom parenm with a continued need to be caredfor, is tricky. This paradoxis especially confusingfor an ADD adolescent. Although she may balk at rules and authority, shesecretlyfearsthat she won't be able to make it on her own. She is painfully awareof her shortcomingsand knows that sheneedsto dependon her parentsfor so many things. She is overwhelmedar the prospectof taklng responsibility for the details in her life. How can she manageher life ,rh..t shecan't even manage her homeworkassignments? Emancipationfrom parentsis generallystormyasshebattlesher parents and her fearsof failure.The markedirritability of earlier childhood often developsinto intenseadolescent rebelliousness argumenand tativeness. The normal moodiness this stageis magnifiedin an ADD of teenagerand contributesto the tenseatmosphere within her family. The picture isn't totally gloorny,hupeqten For someADDers, adolescencecan be a time of discovering specialtalentsand abilities.A gift for writing, math, art, physicalprowess mechanicscan rescueheror she might gain statuswithin her peer group and usefulskills for adulthood. Somesociallyskilled ADD adolescents becomequite popular with peerswho admire their energyand sparkle.


You MreN I'v Not Lnzv,SruptoOn Cnazvl!

An early diagnosisand long-term supportivetreatment can help the weather this difficult stage.Without ADDer successfully adolescenr thesefactors,the joumey is much more difficult, but not impossible! are difficulties,most ADD adolescents able In spiteof long-standing grow up and join the majority of ADD to uncovertheir abilities.They adults who are self-supporting. Adulthood entersadulthood. demandscontinue asthe ADD adolescent Escalating with many symptomsof her disorder.And of course, She still struggles with her. of baggage failure and low self-esteem she carriesthe excess when shefinishesher school career. don'r magicallydisappear These eatingat The ADD adult might still find herselfaloneon tlrcplaygroLLnd, go her deskwhile her colleagues out to lunch together.She remainsaloof she because can't trust her socialskills.Her erraticattention,faultymemory and inabiliry to readsocialcuesimpairher ability to participate in the give and take of conversations.

Tur Iupacr Or GnowrNcUp Wrru ADD

The grown-upADDer often has trouble working steadilyon the job, especially the work is boring or repetitious. if She mentally drifts off, distractedbv the samethings that have alwaysderailedher. Inconsisrency can affectthe qualiryof her work. When shewasa studenr,shetumed in late projects.Now shemisses deadlines and business appointments. Although shedoesn'trun aroundher office, shemight fidget a lot and makenumerous trips to the watercooler.Her coworkers might complain that shedoesn'tdo her shareof the work because seems it she'salwavs doing somethingother than working. Argumentswith spouses coworkers and and yelling matcheswith children can becomea way of life for someADDers. The short fusethat caused tempertantrumsin childhood can now createproblemsof intensified,negativeinterpersonal relationships. The adult with ADD experiences world differentlythan orhers the and externalizes experiences, her frequentlyblaming everythingon factorsoutsideherself.She is so distractiblethat she isn't withier long to Unable ro process emotions feelings enough dealwithher emotions. very well and blaming the world for her problems, might experience she explosiveoutbursts depressive or episodes. During theseperiodsshe can barelyfunction at all. Impulsivebuying can creategrowingdebt and financial hardship.A pattem of living for the moment with little attention to rhe future, makes household budgeting and long-termplanning,difficult. Savings accounts might be non-existent.Credit cardsmight exceedtheir limiti. Financialplanning and guardianship the children might be left to for fate,with no consideration a will. Impulsivity and a needfor intense of experiences often result in risky,thrill-seekingbehavior.This might be a factor in the high incidenceof auto accidentsin the ADD population. ADD adultsarealsoat somewhat greater for substance risk abuse. Impulsivity,socialisolationand an inability to handle emorionscan makethe escape alcoholor drugsparricularlytempting.There might alsobe a of biologicalpredisposition substance for abuse, this questionhasn'r but been adequately researched.


You MpnNI'u Not Lnzy.SruproOn Cnezy?!

Adulthood is a mixed-bag.ADD doesseemto improve with agebut in many cases doesn'tgo awayentirely. Research suggests that about half of ADD adults are sufficiently well adjustedthat their symptomscause little or no trouble.te isn't clearwhetherthe symptoms It actuallydiminish or if the ADD adult has leamed to managethem better.Marital instabiliry,frequentjob changes, substance abuseand an increased number of auto accidentsare common characteristics ADD adultswho conof tinue to struggle with severe symptoms. There are somevariablesthat seemto have an impact on adult outcome. Th"y include:intelligence,socialskills,socioeconomic family status, mental health and aggression. general,intelligent children with In good socialskills and a mentally healthy family of higher socioeconomic statushave the bestprognosis. The variable of aggression seems to be a predictor of a pooreroutcome in adulthood.Successful adjustment in adulthood is seriouslycompromised2o ADDers who displayagfor gressive behaviorsin childhood. Adulthood is challengingfor ADDers. \7e arc funcrionaldysfuncrionnls, strugglingwith roller coasterlives we rarely understand.\7e are high smkes'folk with the potential for both disaster and hitting the jackpot! The picture isn't totally glnomy,howeeer.Many ADD adults lead productivelives by usingtheir particularstrengths. Deficits can become assets. Hyperactivity can translateinto incredible productivity and impulsivity into a strongneed for closure-getting the job finished by the deadline.The risk-taking behavior that givesa parent a heart attack can becomea sourceof pride when the child growsup. She takes the big risk that puts her on the map or makesher a millionaire! Excitability can becomesparkle, decidedadvantage socialsituaa in tions and the workplace.Persuasiveness animation are assets and in public relations,sales and advertising. Adults with ADD often shine in thesefields.High struogrcreativeADDers can be exciting presenters and welcomechanges from calm, placid speakers who bore their audiences death. to The ADD child who spenther school yearsin a fantasyland can leam to useher mental free flight in the creative process. This ability to see


THpIupncr Or GnowrNcUp Wrrn ADD

the big picture is valuablein jobs requiring vision and creativiry.Many of us usethis ability to assume positionsof influence. If we leam to make our wanderingminds obey us, they can becomepowerful tools. The restless, jobs that make novelty seekingadult can avoid sedentary her symptomsso difficult to manage.A friend loveshis 1obasa long distancetrucker. He doeshave to sit for a long time but doesn'thave to worry about bothering anyonewith his singing,tapping and wiggling. And he likes the sensationof movement.Another acquaintance has tumed her excess energyinto a lucrativesideline,renovatingold houses in her free time. ITithout a correct diagnosis, many of us may blame our behaviorson depression, anxiety, traumatic life eventsor lack of character.Understandingthat thesebehaviorsare symptoms a central nervoussystem of disordercan have a powerful impact on thesefaulty assumprions. This knowledgecan radically changeour self-perceptions we can leam so to blend in with the rest of humanity. !7e can leam not onlv to survive but to excel!

"Some forms of the disorder dre more disorilerly than others." An ADD adult recently made this interestingobservation.It really capturesthe essence the complexity of ADD. If ADD were a matrer of of symptoms slotted into the three broaddiagnosticcategories, would it be far easierto understand. Figuring out how ADD adults rick, however,isn't nearly this straighr. forward.The disorderis severelydisablingfor someADDers and much lessso for others.To understandhow ADD playsour in individual lives, we need to explore the behavioraldifferences the disorder. of In the next chapter we'll usetheseunique differences understand to why we ADDers behaveaswe do. This will provide the starting place for identifiiing your particular strengthsand weaknesses beginning and your process recovery. of


CHaprpn 4

How We Are Different?
llow We tre [iffenent?
HowAreWe Dtffercnt?
If yo., have ADD, your disordermakesyou different. There'sno doubt about it. You come into the world with differences that are part of the wiring of your brain. Not only are you different from others who don't have ADD, you are alsodifferent from others who do.

Different Doesn't Mean Defective
Yes,eachof us is differentbut differentdoesn'tequaldefective.It's foolish to ignoreour differences pretendthey don't exist.It's equally or foolish to focusexclusively the debit sideof thosedifferences. on Although our lives would probablybe easierwithout ADD, they wouldn't be more valuable. In the first chapterwe examinedthe three broadcategories ADD of symptoms. Now we'll enlargethe discussion considerthe impact to thesesymptoms have in your daily life. You'll learn about your disabilities. You'll alsolearn aboutyour abilities-abilities that are someyour symptoms timeshidden by the problems cause.

So How Do the Differences Affect ADD Adults?
Although we talk of ADD asa distinct disorder, makesmore sense it to think of it asa syndrome:a group of symptomsthat tend to occur together.The concept of a syndromeseems appropriateway of an thinking about a centralnervoussystem that doesn'twork quite right.


How AnEWE DrmntNr?

Researchers disagree about the specificoriginsof ADD bur mosr agreethat the regulatoryfunction of the CNS is somehowerraric and inefficient. !7ith an impaired regulatorysystem,an ADDer may have wildly fluctuating behaviorsfrom day to day or even minute to minute. He may alsohave leaming problemscaused erby ratic attention and information processing. The Wandering Mind Syndrome Most of us have minds that wanderhither and yon. !7e daydream and drift among looselyand tenuouslyconnectedthoughts.As our o*1 thoughts intrude, we changethe subjectand inte.*p, with irrelevantcomments. Regardless the "why" of distractibility, the behaviorsassociated of with it are often mistaken for rudeness eccentri city. Tlw WanAeror ingMind Syndrome, all ADD differences, its plusesand like has minuses. on the minus side,an ADDer might engagein mental free-flight when he should be working. Bosses r.g"id his partially finish.i ,.ports and unretumed phone calls aseviden.. of incompetenceor a poor attitude.In conversations may listen with on" he but con"ur tinue on somelevel to follow his own train of thought. It's obvious to his bossor friend that he isn't all there.His r."*Lg disinterest doesn'twin friendsor influencepeople! On the plus side,he can usehis wanderingmind ro notice things others missand make new and interestingconnectionsbetween ideas. His creativemind can roam beyondconvention into imagination and possibilities. If an ADDer can leam ro conrrol his wanderingthoughtsand cap^ italizeon their richness, can discovera.raluableasiet.Think he about the stereotype the absent-minded of professor the talented or artist who has incredille gifts but stumblesalong trying ro manage the practicaldetailsof life. \7e don't believethisitereoiyp. is mere. ly a myth. If we wereto surveyindividualsin crearivepiofessions, ^of we feel surewe would find a disproporrionare number nnn adults.


Sruptoon Cnazv?! You MrnN I'v Nor L,+zv,

One Channel Operational SYstem \7e Most of us areEqinl Opportunity Attenders. give everything ?ld anyrhing the opportunity to grab our attention! An ineffective filtering systJmnt"ko us vulnerable to distracting stimuli in the environ' ment and in our minds and bodies. and responding It's hard ro get things done when you keepthinking_about diffe."n1 things. The quality of the work you do manageto ro so many your focusis intemrpted so much. accomplisitis often *"rgin"l because juggleseveral things at once' many Although someADDers are able to find this difficult, if not impossible. To accomplishanything, many of us have to operateon o-^lyone channel. Let', .rr" the metafhot of channelson a radio to understandthe dynamicsof One ChsnnelOPeranon. During a drive through the mountains,you may hqve to simultaneously listen io ,",r"r"1 ,t"ti6t s asthey fade in and out. You may spenda lot to of time hitting the scanbutton that is supposed bring in the strongsoonerdo you happily start singing along with your_ est chan."l. No favorite songthan it fadesout as*Jt.ottg"r signaltakesover your radio. The normal brain doesn'tseemto have trouble with channel selection. dinner, he selectsthe food channel. He \7hen a non.ADDer prepares can arrend to this strongiignal and cook the food without buming-it. At the samerime, his biain scansand locatesother strong signals-that channel and bring in imporranr information. He monitors the children argumentensues. switchesto it when a sibling is An abiliry ro rune in severalchannelssimultaneously usefuland to radio in the ADD brain, however,seems have a mal' essential.'The let him switch channelsefficiently. functioning scanbuton that won't Rather th"l" pulling in the strongsignal,it pulls in everychannel with' in a thour"rrd mile radius!He keepi losing track of the channel he's listening to. For many of us, the solution is to tum off the scanbutton. It's the only way ro prevent the weak channelsfrom interfering with our attention to ih" 6ne we're trying to listen to. So we stay tuned in to only one


How AnEWt DrmnrNr?

channel. If we dare switch to the children channel, the pork chops becomedried out, hardenedobjects,permanentlyattachedto the pan we cooked them in! \7e think the one channel phenomenonhas implications for kitchen designers. They really should take a crash.o.,rr. in ADD. If they were awareof this phenomenon,they would never designkitchens wittr large, open spaces preparingdinner and chatting with guesrs rhe ru*i for at time. It may be a greatconcept for non-ADDers. For one channel folk, however,this kitchen designresultsin lousyfood or lousyconversation. Handling both at the sametime is virtually "missionimpossible"! This differencecauses undesirable behaviorsin a one channel ADDer. Demandsto switch channelsare cruel intrusions.He snapsat the interrupting party, snarlsat the personon the phone or losestrack of what he'sdoing. He may tune out the interruption, not even noting it or reacting v-e-py slowly to it ashe undertakesthe arduoustask of switching gears. KK: "'S7"hen worked on a psychiatricunit, I sharedthe responsibility I for answeringthe telephone.I had trouble switching gearsfast enough t9.n1c\ up the phone after a few rings. Often, I never heard it ring ai all. Other staff membersresented*y failure to do my shareof thii 1ob. Th.y mi.stakenly assumed thought I was"roo good" to do this mun. I dane task." An ADDer can be at a disadvantage the workplacewhen he has to in tune in to many channels.The phone,boss and coworker channelsall competefor his attention. Many workerscomplain that numerousinter. ruptionsforce them to bring most of their work home in a briefcase. Thev can't get anyrhing done ar rhe office. The Locking In and Blocking Out Phenomena An int_e_resting correlateto the one channel phenomenonis overpersistence.When an ADDer becomes locked in ro a rask,he can'r ttop. Hi, overpersistence makeswitchinggears can very difficult. It can alsocause a friend, colleague spouse leap to erroneous or to conclusions. "lt's 1. obvioushe can pay attention when he wantsto." 2. "He's so rudel He completelyignoresme."


Overpersistence \7e believe rhar an ADD adult may deliberatelyusethis locking'in ability to shut our rhe rest of the world. anotherdifferencethat is at oddswith a "short attention span".we have to attend ro numerouspiecesof data.*ir". de' for the gestalt(the big picture) over miscellaneous Our preference difficulty with data processing' tails..i consequences! could have disastrous ing for the basement The "I Hate Details" DYnamic Many of us have an aversionto details.rproductive or downright dangerous-in computer insteadof racthe tomado siren-ltcking-in to the *.\fhen we try to the details.-b.itiveness tasksand short attention spanscharacteristic tence..andno! of ADDers?We|l.. We find that our brains are uncooperative \7e when we try io absorbmany detailssimultaneously. that causeproblemswith Erratic focusand the generaldysregulation seemincompatiblewith overpersisconcentrationand stick-to. bad news is that locking-in can be inappropriate. and write for hours.E t ry of this self-absorption ever. certain situations.ranrage. to er{ul defenses . in a socieryrhar valuesthe ability to bounce many balls and Spouses friends is Overpersisrence definitely a double edged_sword. Aren't unfinished answeris yes. .+zx.Sruploon Cnnzv?! You MEnNI'trlNor L.oblivious *u1rfl at rhe abiliry to sit at a computer tums to annoyance'how' to everything else. It can insulatehim from the wear and tear of handling the flood of incoming information.An inability to scanand switch channelsplaysinto this aversion. he has to developsomerather powsensory may be one of them.po. the paradoxical could be just Overpersistence Much of ADD behavioris paradoxical.ReIo.r-ine. A one strategy as channel ADDer may usehis overpersistence a compensatory at one time.But we submit that it's more than that. . An ADDer expendsgreatenergyand effiortto shut our rhe distractionsof other channels.we can losethe first stepbeforewe can assimilate second.rrrt. may in part result from this 50 . may forget remembersequential much of what we seeor hear."ui.rrsunnoticed through open windowsor the tomado siren evokesnot even a blinkt The good news is that this disability/ability differencecan be usedto The good"ad.With an unfiltered world rushing in to his brain.To scanfor details.

It's possible becomemore efficient at self-starting to but it takestime and self-discipline leam this skill. useless parricles so the engine can operateefficiently with clean oil." An ADDer experiences world as a barrageto his senses-noises. It filters out the dirty. he has to work hard to shut out the rest of the world and t. talking about the frustration many of us feel every time we rry ro ger startedon anyrhing.rp with rhe coffee. is sweatand tears.It works much like the oil filter in a car. It takesa lot of blood. preventing the bitter groundsfrom gerting mixed in with the liquid.The quantity of choicesis overwhelming and often createsfeelingsof intense anxiety and irritation.A brain that is working at peak efficiencycan selectwhat it needsto concentrateon and filter out extraneous distractions. During a telephonecall.How Anr WEDrrpEnENr? The (Don't Do Today What You Can Put Off Till Tomorrow" Dynamic Many peoplelive by this creed. Even in a relatively quiet restaurant. Coffeefiltirs per.The process scanningthe contentsof a largedepartment of store can be agonizing.r* off theother channels.Normal noise levelscan interferewith his ability to hear conversations maintain or a train of thought. the sightsand smellsrush in without barriersor protection. form a similar function.Refocusing painful. 51 .Filing several extensions a federal on income tax filing can put off this oneroustask aslong aspossible.backgroundnoisescompetefor his attention and interfere with his abiliry ro listen ro rhe r"ilr"r.But 'We're we'renot talking about a conscious decisionto procrastinate. Unfiltered visualdistractions can make shoppinga nightmare.Although an ADDer may do great after he getsgoing. What appears be stallingor an apparentunwillingness do someto to thing is often a sign of the superhuman effort requiredto begin concentrating on a new task. he may snapar a spouse who makesthe slightest noisein the room. to A Defective Filter Another brain function that goesawry in ADD is the filtering mechanism. ADefective Filterpermits the "groundsto get mixed .

fearinghis next bad mood. \7hen he'shappy.W"henan ADDer is angry he might yell or throw things." pets don't have Others saythey don't like livlng with animalsbecause for respect physicalboundaries! Roller Coaster Emotions oNE. He seems be dysregulated. involving Maintaining emotionson an even keel is an intricate process For by fine adjusrments different partsof the brain and nervoussystem.The term TactileDefensiveness of found in occupationaltherapy literature. \7e do know that ADDers often saythey live on emotion{luctuate. he of It's ironic that with his poor sense physicalboundaries. is vulnerableto overstimulation asthe rest of his sensory An intolerance of touch or closephysicalproximity is a fairly common differencenoted by ADD adults.with extremealterationsin Feelingstates al roller coasters. difference.he often captivatespeople with displaysof positive energy. may bump physicalspacewhile he fiercely protectshis own. tion in ADD. The peoplein his life may tiptoe aroundhim. Intense INTENSITY Feelings amplified are ADD adultsasintense.rNot Lazv. the highs and lows over hoursor even minutes.You MrnN l't. capturesthe essence this At it Similar to most ADD symptoms. dazzhng 5Z .Sruploon Cnnzv?l Touchy Touchability of An ADDer can be very touchy about being touched!His sense touch channelsare. this process ly on his high wire never knowing how he'll feel at a given moment. into someoneelse's "Peoplelike me-other ADDers-can One ADDer ruefully observed: drive me crazy. Peopleoften describe and blastedout with little restraint.ono*at R'LLER cob$g*s hgDr*'Ltug the We're not exactlysurewhat causes problemswith mood and emo. waxesand wanes.I hate to be touched and they keep bumping into me. times the need for physicalspaceis acute and an ADDer simply can't toleratebeing aroundother people. walksprecariousto an ADDer.

rude or abrupt with others.How AnEWEDrrpEnrNr? Low moodsfeel like the end of the world. A Short Fuse lfhen somethingpushes ADD adult'stemperamental an butrons. Depression? The-symptoms depression of and those of ADD can be remarkably similar. After the explosion that seems come from nowhere. to He can't understandwhy he madesuch a big deal out of nothing.The ADDer may be sarcastic. Through no fault of his own.It isn't a plannedexaggerarion it bur a valid reflectionof our perceprions.Instead. It may take little to r"i off his explosiveremper or tum him into an irritable we'll describe that way to others. The IDP Dynamic-Irritability.The outbursrthat resultscan be ".impulsivity often kicks in. seldomexpresses He positive thoughts or feelingsand travels through life exuding an aura of pessimism. Unfortunately.he fusses fumes.Our that tendency to boastand exaggerare may result from experiencingthe world so intensely. Another manifestation this generalized of irritability has lessto do rt_th pessimism than with a feeling of being consranrlyannoyedby other peopleand events. There may not be dramaticexplosions temperbut rather.artistic temperaments react quickly and to an extreme.a continual of gnmpine. Dissatisfaction or Pessimism The moodiness ADD can be expressed generalized in as irritability..They shakeih. Many of us have passionare natures. he views his world through gray-colored glasses'.Since setbacks and throw him off balanceso easily.He couldjust get another piece. our insteadexperiencingchronic dissatisfaction. His angerusuallydisappears quickly as it appeared the angerhe as but elicits in other peopledoesn'tgo awayquite asfast.he startscomplaining when he should be trying to solve the problem.thgirritable ADDer misses on the highs. baffling to him as it is frightening to the peoplearound headsat his childish reactionto a bumed pieceof toast.If we alwaysseethe world in vivid living .he often feelsashamed.Mental health professionals somerimes have difficultv disiin- 53 .

$sregulated emotionscan alsoappearto be symptoms of depression when they're not. Differentiating ADD from can be difficult but it's vitally important.Imustl'taqte" On any given day..alwayslooking aheadand never feeling satisfied.You MreN I'u Nor Lxzy. The depression-like symptomsof ADD adults might be part of the neurologicaldysregulationthat causes disorder. alcohol.the beggingcan be for a pack of gum water pistol. the intensefeelingsof need continue forever. many choose an antidepressant the medical treatment since it can help sympas toms of both disorders.for the latest.greatest though it isn't easyfor children to leam that they can't have everything.. Boffomless Pit of Needs and Desires "I want.It isn't uncommon for a mental of health professional make a diagnosis depression to and totally missthe ADD.Inside. they usuallygrudginglyleam to acceptthe deprivation. Alor candyand at the toy store.. The craving is often non-specific- 54 .It's part of the dysregulation ADD.They might be the part of an emotional response repeatedfailure.excitement. it feels like an overwhelmingcraving. Likely. the moodto inessof many ADDers is a little of both.parentseverywherehear theseimmortal words! In the grocerystorecheckout. He is a bottomlesspit of needs. Intenseexperiences of must match his voraciousappetite. The symptomscan mask underlying attentional problems.etc. and ADD occur together in the SometimesClinical Depression sameindividual. The Clinical Depression emotional piece of ADD is often just the tip of the icebergof other problemsthat must be addressed.The simplerpleasures life are too mild. of ongoing problemswith his An insatiableADD adult experiences appetitefor many things-sex. This insatiability can manifest itself in varied ways. Sruproon Cnezv? guishingone disorderfrom the other. When in doubt. For many ADDers..I need.

and sex. feeding the monster makeshim grow larger and more insistent so the ADDer setsa vicious cycle in motion. He might assuage need to sh. sex. An ADDer might the to food.could have ADD. an insatiableADD adult can leam to say"No" to the of non-stop"l want. It's conceivablethat a significantpercentage of the membqrin the "Anonymous" groups-alcoholism.op yardrop througha of strategyan acquaintance ourshas designed.liquor or shoppingsprees appease greedyNeeds use Monster.airdlove addictions. D 55 .Unfortunately. codependen. I need. He can exhaustfriends and lovers with demandsfor attention and affection becauserta olnount is ever enough.I must have" message his NeedsMonster. 0 00 SomeADDers developpattems of behavior that include habitual overearingor binge drinking.Ho'w Ans Wr DtmnENr? not it's for somethingbut for anything in particular. cravingsby dabbling in sportscar racing or He might quiet his restless tiLL his bungeejumping. \Uith hard work. cy.

the construction worker has a 56 . If his job permitsphysicalactivity. we issueof hyperactivity asone piece of a more generalized dysregulated acnvitylevel This dysregulation can include roomuchaction (hyperactivity ) too little action (hypoactivity) andfluctu^ations betweenthe two extremes.the cravingsfor her purchases will have subsided. She has leamed that within a few hours or days. A hyperactiveADDer's differences most noticeablewhen he has are to sit still. thoughnot all thetime. Likewise. Doesn'rthat she makehim grow even larger? her case.Sruproon Cnazy?! She goeson periodic shoppingbinges. Most ADD ersare hyperactiqre hypoactive and . headshome.Although someprofessionals focus still on high activity levelsin diagnosing preferro considerthe ADD. That's when he starrsswinginghis leg or gnawingon his pencil.This reflectsa viewpoint that is both contro. SomeADDers know somethingthat many professionals don't understand:hypoactivitycan be a troubling parr of ADD.You MreN I'rnl Nor Lezy. It would take a bonfire beneathhim to causeany movemenr at all! He may envy his hyperactivecounrerparr.frantically charginghundredsof dollarsof merchandise. versialand somewhatoutdated. the hyperactiveadult can be indistinguishable from his non-ADD colleagues. doesn'tbecause In it there'sa secondpart of her strategy. But wait a minute. Then she goeson another shoppingtrip ro retum everyrhing shebought! Activity Levels in Flux SomeADDersare hyperactive. Literature frequently refersto ADDers as hyperactives-a referenceto excessive activity levels." only If he could. SomeADDersare hypoactive. Travelingsalespeople copewith restlessness stayingon the road and by on the move. The key is that shehas taught herselfto bring the packages home and never open them.Nursesjoke about needingroller skates get from one to end of the shift to the other. A hypoactive ADDer movesin slow motion and hearsmany "Getmowing's. Having happily fed her NeedsMonsrerwith all her packages.

How Anr. capableof little more than routine. Although many expertsregardhyperactivity asa primary symptomof for ADD. The level of activity required jobs can provide a neededoutlet for hyperactivity. With energyreserves by mid-aftemoon.For many. This pattem is certainly not unique to ADDers. they're going full tilt.their activity levelsseemto build from morning to evening. others hypothesize that it's an attempt to compensate under- 57 .the evening hours are the most productive-late aftemoon or evening shifts enablethem to work at peak efficiency. Thesefolk begin to gain alertNothing helpsto speed this process. up nessby midmoming which is a problem when they work standard daytime hours. job that lets him expendphysicalenergy.much like the other dysregulatedsymptoms ADD. SomeADDers report that on a given day. They are slow moving and thinking in the morning. After eating in particular. in these that Many ADDers are both hyperactiveand hypoactive. automatic functions. The cycle often continueswith a late aftemoon shot of newly found energywhen they start revving up again.It seems activity levelsfluctuate betweenextremes. Early moming conversations TheseADD adultsdecan consistof grunts and one word answers. many peoplesufferfrom a slow-downastheir bodiesmobilize for food digestion. the big slump often hits with a fight to stay awake.Many have As trouble getting startedin the moming and displayirregularpatternsof hyperactivity and lethargy throughout the day.seemto have more intensepeaksand slumps.ADD adultstend to be night owls.We DrrrpRrNr.The practice of the siesta many countriesmay be in relatedto this normal physiological cycle. using their energyto drained talk nonstop to coworkersover lunch. Sometimes ADDer movesand talks at of the mega-speed only to flip to a stateof inactivity that makeshim appear nearly comatose. An ADDer's cycles. as scribethemselves operatingon "autopilot".however. By noon. functioning well only if they can carry out routines withwith family members out interruption. a group.

At other times. Thrill Seeking Lack of restraint can causean ADDer to risk life and limb in pursuit of excitement. Hyperactivity can be helpful. fto* great heights. both theorieshold parcels truth. a force over which he has limited control. Insteadof climbing trees.Sometimes feel we'vehave we entereda time warp-a twilight zonewherewe treadwater. may still be making emergency room visits for far more serious injuries. an ADDer might search extra things for to fill up the unusedhours.rhe ADDer of seems be frantically trying to keep himself going by being physically to active.he might usestrenuous exerciseto boost his flaggingenergyand attention level. As adults 'We we're on our own without anyoneto remind us of the dangers. of The Intractable Time Tyrant Time is an elusiveentity to many of us. An ADDer isn't the only adult who enjoysactivitieswith a high element of risk.As a group.The goal of trearmenror self-helpcan'r be just to slawthe ADDer dawn. Our sense time is elastiC of and we 58 . His behavior can be more risky because engages thrill he in seekingwithout recognizingthe inherent risks involved. Peoplewith high energylevelscan accomplishmany things in a short time. He fails to pay sufficientattention to registerthem. But he may approachtheseactivities without sufficient planning. minimizing inher. \7hi1e others complain that a twenry-four hour day isn't long enggghto get everythingdone.he doesn'treally believein them. Unfortunately. Likely. Sruproon Cnnzy?! arousal. Since he doesn'rregister or process information about risks. but to help him leam to useand direct his energy more efficiently. the Fuzziness about the extemal world may make him feel invincible and may give him a falsesense safety.As children we fell out of treesand dov.many ADD adultsenergetically spin their wheels.Insteadof taking Ritalin to maintain focusand regulation. At times. he seems frantically driven by hii hyperacrivity. !7e may have made frequent trips to rhe emergency room to have our bruisedand batteredbodiespatchedup.we tend to be thrill seekers.go in circles and get nowhere.You MrnN I'u Nor Lrzy. ent risk and danger.we may be climbing mounrainsor skydiving.get nowhereand accomplish nothing.

the hours fly by in an instant while routine work hours inch along at an excruciatinglyslow pace. Most people don't think of houseworkastheir favorite activity. Preparingthe meal alwaystakesmuch longer than he thinks it will.So.How AnEWE DIrrrnENr? the characteristically underestimate time it will take to do anything. fails to plan for the inevitable distractionsthat will derail him. The day evaporates he scrubsa small of portion of a room into antisepticperfection. adults. He figuresthat it shouldn't take more than two hours to prepare a small dinner for friends. More likely. An unscientific diagnostictool could be to count the items on a person's"To Do" list for a given day.stay out beyondour curfewsand As misshomework deadlines. we'll offer a "test" we'vedeveloped diagnosis to ADD asa measure disorganization! of The daily list of an ADDer usuallyincludesfar more than any human friend planned to could accomplishin three or four days. his TimeTroubles caused variousdeficits and his failure to factor in their impactson by his life.a book and two grantsover the summermonths.\fhen an ADDer is lost in his own compelling thoughts.In Chapter 13. both Time toubles play out in other waysaswell. our behaviorscan result from an altered time sense and an inability to plan. we're late for school.This would be okay if he had the time or inclination to spendhis life pursuingthe elusivedream 59 .Regrettably.we might be late for work and bosses coand have trouble completingprojectson time.obsessively as attacking tiny specks dirt. Teachers.A professor write three articles.It's not uncommonfor him to becomelocked-in. His unrealisticgoalswerequite typical for an ADDer! Perhaps there is a brain function called "Time" that doesn't operate are efficiently in an ADDer's brain. Sometimes. Then why doesan ADDer who hateshouseworkspendhours "spit-shining" his house while other choresremain unfinished?The answerlies in overpersistence. even unpleasant taskscan grabthe ADD adult. with time passing more quickly and more slowly than it should. As children.In reality. he decidesto add a few extra things he to his afternoonplans. or workersoften misinterpret the tardinessaslaziness an indifference to their needs.

He can alsohave a distorted sense how his body movesin spacein of relationshipto other objects. of The ADD brain seemsto have trouble sorting and filing. . \7e play a perpetualgameof "But what about.The alarrn will go off . Of course. He might have difficulty following a road map or understandingthe compass settingsof North. of Spatial problemsaren't limited to sportsactivities and directionality.Sruproon Cnazy?! of a spotless home.l' It's difficult to organize either space a filing system or without an ability to decidewhich things belong together.You MpaNI'u Nor Ll:zy. As an adult. .Itt 3 o'clnckin tlte morning. Memory alsoplaysa role in an ADDer's SpaceTroubles. .Beforehe can . Even when he slowsdown to take the time to tidy up. time is limited and must be divided his among a variety of chores. . an alteredsense space of of might be relatedto excessive speed and deficient planning.Doesn'ttlw TtmeMonstnreuer sleep? ?? Space Stmggles An ADD adult can alsohave a distorted sense spaceand problems of of directionality. The time he neqter accountedfor is eatenup by lisx tlwt are too long: Anotherday is gone.An ADD adult often lives with a daunting amount of clutter and disorganization. Eastand \Uest. bumpsinto other he peopleor fumiture. he might still rely on the visual clue of his wristwatch to identify right and left. Sportsthat demandfinely tuned spatial abilities can be particularly difficult for him. Similar to a distortedsense time. It can alsoresultfrom the impairedinformation processing a specificleaming disability. . \7e ADDers tend to focuson all the exceptionsto the orderly rulesof the world. . He might be unable to gaugethe speedand direction of a ball in tennis or baseballgames. in threehows..As a consequence. South. They alsohave an impact on organization. may dream He of having enough money to hire the right personto organizeall the stuff in his life so he can ger on with the business living. he facesa nightmarish task of figuring out what to do with his chaotic surroundings.

the output function can be flawed if there is a mechanicalproblem with the printer. altemative form called outputand sendsit back to the environment. assuring with that tidinessis simply a wasteof time. Preventingthe overwhelming feelingsof confusionthat resultfrom untamedpiles of junk is an important goal. Human error can interfere with input if information is keyed incorrectly. new information asoutput on a printout.Although neither courseof action is particularly helpful.A problem in the information processing of the computer itself may alsoexist. wordsor actions. Finally.How AnEWs DtrprneNr? he organizehis input into an the or environment as its input. 61 . If a computer malfunctions. has to rememberwhere they are. The ADDer's environment is a confusingone over which he constantly of struggles gain a semblance control.After he finds them he still has to figure out what to do with them! ourselves Some of us dismissthe e{fectof clutter on our lives. it It processes and produces Similarly. partsorganized into a whole to servea funcconsistof assorted Systems from the tion or reach a goal. How do we think about and act on the text of information information we receivefrom the environment?Do we have unique To ADD thinking and acting styles? answerthesequestionsand examas in ine other differences ADD adults. Information Processing of Some of the differences ADDers can be understoodwithin the conprocessing. It transforms. problemswith spatialorganization are common for many of us with ADD. Every systemusesenergyand resources proces. the human brain receivesinput from the outsideworld processes and producesoutput in the form of it through the senses. A computer systemtakesinput from humansby way of the keyboard. Others becomeobsessed putting things in order and have time for little else. A certain degreeof order is to important for emotional well-being.we'll usethe Theoryof Systems a working model of the brain'sfunctions.we look at the three parts of the systemto find out what'swrong.

or acrion. sele. He makesthe point that it's rare to find a personwho has difficulty with attention without also having difficulty with intention. This is just the first step in processing information.You MraN I'u Nor Lxzy. he blurts out a hasty. on and inaction. Action and Inaction Imbalance \7e know that asADD adults.Your action-looking out the window rather than at your math book-resulted from listening to the blue jay insteadof your teacher. Let's take a look at how input/output weaknesses and intemal processing strengthscreatesomeunique ADD differences. Levinezt examines interplayof selectiveintention and selectiveattention the in his book on developmentalvariation.activity levels.ctiqte intention-selecting one response from a variety of possible action choices.Many of the differences unique to an ADDer resultfrom an imbalancein this area. That's why our disorderis called an Attention Deficit Disorder. The action part of attention depends balancingthe forcesof action. information processing and output capacities. \Uhen your teachercomplainedthat you weren't paying ADDer processes intemal information rapidly but has a lessefficient capacityfor the input and output functions. A significant problem for many of us with ADD is mismatchedinput. inhibition. '!7e alsohave trouble with the secondstep. washe observing neurological process your brain?Of course the in not! He wasobservingbehavior.we have problemswith aftention. Problemswith selectiveattention and filtering compromise qualiry of input-getting the information into his brain. however.Sruproon Cnnzyl! Breakingdown the workingsof the brain in to thesethree components can help us better understand what'shappeningwhen things go wrong. 67 .\fhen he should be in his inaction mode. In general. motor control and rambling speech compromise the quality of output-effectively communicating or acting on the pro. memoryretrieval. or supfacilinaon port helpful actionswhile it inhibits. or blocks the harmful ones. The brain needsto facilitare. cessed information.\7e have trouble with selective attenaon-focusing on one part of the vast array of information that bombardsour senses. Difficulties with impulsivity.

behavioron other our A failure to inhibit one'swords isn't alwaysa negativequality-an ability to sayjust about anything can come in handy. facilitation helps him react quickly to retum a shot and inhibition preventshim from reacting too quickly and moving when he should be waiting. \Uhen he should be in his he action mode.interrupts conversations and intrudeson a friend'spersonalspace. These impulsive wordsor actions can destroy relationshipsand psyches.How Anr WE DrrrrneNr? sloppyresponse should have inhibited.The hasty of wordsor actionswere neither planned nor intended. 63 .especially loved ones. Disinhibition causes many of the socialproblemsan ADDer experiences. The mushroomingnumber of supportgroupsis evidenceof this need to shareand be intimate. A bad gameof tennis is one thing but social errorsare somethingelse. he may not even realizehis mistake. Sometimeshe may realizeit but is too embarrassed apologize.An ADDer tends to react quickly and intenselyto his impulses.Because has trouble slowing he down enough to stop and think. Many peopleseemto be starvedfor connectionsto others.we ADDers are blnrnelessis we didn't. In tennis. Arguments with his spouse can quickly get out of hand ashe saysthings in the heat of the moment only to regret them later.mean it! While it's true that we're not calculating criminals. we need to look beyond good intentions. He doesn'tmean to lash out and is ashamed his behavior.He says things he shouldn't say. he fails to answera questionhe should have facilitated. to Failure to restrainor inhibit can causeproblemsfar more seriousthan a socialfaux pas. Most people are enormouslyrelieved to discoverthat others sharetheir fearsand insecurities.\Ue have to considerthe impact of our people. may strike out at his children or let loosea streamof He verbal abuse.Thlking about personalexperiences and problemscan open doorsfor others to share confidences. If behavior judgedby intentions.

t Not Lxzy.for instance. An ADDer who doesn't inhiblt the flow of his thoughts can dreamup outrageously funny things to say-things that others wouldn't dare to utter! If he can leam to monitor himself sufficiently to keep from steppingover the line into offensiveness.we finally graduared of from our beginnerlessons. merit incluI7e sion on the basisof our record setting number of yearsin beginner and advancedbeginner tennis lessons Regardless how hard we worked ! of at our game..he makescareless errorsand has trouble with motor tasks. PR: "Kate and I should have our nameslisted on a plaqueof notable accomplishments. and With relief and a sense accomplishment. can he contribute a sparklingsense humor. I need to emphasize that the improvementwe ex'!7e periencedwasone of mentalskill. Handwriting and other aspects of task perfrormance alsosufferashe fails to slow down enoughto balcan ancehis intemal processing physicalcapabilities (output). he may prevenr anyone elsefrom getting a word in edgewise. Lest strugglingathletesread this and race to their pharmacies their for physicalskill pills.we never seemed make much progress.the ADD brain goesfast! Although we've listed it separately." 64 .or expandedto the level of absurdity. An ADDefs ahered cogninve rcmpocan translateinto unmonitored rapid-fire speech. we experienced startling improvementin our a skillson the tennis court.the Srzpersonic Brain is closelyrelated to the action/inaction balance. were playing better because we werethinking better. kind of Guinness a Bookof Records. of The Supersonic Brain Statedsimply.or at leastmore slowly and with better planning. Taming our runawaythinking temposgaveus a more accuratesense of time.have had a long-standinglove/hate relationship with tennis that hasresultedin part from the Supersonic Brain phenomenon. twisted. Sruproon Cnazy?! Peoplelaugh when the truth is exaggerated. As a and result. \Tithout pausingfor breath.You MEaNI'r.The authors. to After we both startedtaking Ritalin. Our abilities to strategize s-l-o-w d-o-w-n improvedour game.

the ADDer may find himself in a frozenstate. The output function totally of 'S7hen stopsworking. thing easyor familiar. Severalyearsago. this happens.Frankly.however. We have to put the brakeson our racing thoughts grad. especially when we're working on some. assoon aswe start feeling complacent. KK: "I'm certainly no whiz at higher mathematicsbut I can accurately add long columns of figures. !7hen we're feeling overconfident we may "put the pedal to the metal" and sendour racing thoughts careeningout of control! Paralysis of the Will The balancecan also tip in the other direction. ually enoughthat we don't come to screeching halts.unable to take appropriateaction.I sweptawayhis natural caution with my enthusiasmand energyand implied that he wasa stick-in-the-mudfor raisingquestions and objections. with a failure to act ar all-something like a paralysis the will. I found a glaring omissionin my figures. He may watch the softball whiz by as if he were a spectatorinsteadof the player responsible for intercepting it.After we had committed to the project and were up to our earsin scared devil out of me!" the This anecdoteis illusffative of an important balancing act for many of us with ADD. paralyzed by fearsof making impulsive mistakes. 65 . we might still be in debtors'prison-assuming such placesstill exist! \7e could have lost our houseand still feel the pinch of my mistake.Alternately.I prefer doing my addition without a calculator so I don't have to worry about pushing the wrong buttons.How Aru We DrrrpnrNr? Applying the brakesto our SupersonicBrains often getseasierby the time we becomeadults. we don'r alwaysapply the brakeswhen we should.Many of us manageto achievesomedegreeof balanceand an ability to stop and think-at leastmore often than we did aschildren. something invariably goeswrong.I had neglectedto add the mortgagepaymenrro our monthly budget! My saintedgrandmotherbailed us out. If shehadn't given me a portion of an inheritance. Unfortunately. I didn't recheckmy figuresbeforeassuring my husbandthat the project wasfinancially do-able.I made the mistakeof rapidly calculating our householdbudget to ascertainwhether my husbandand I could afford a major renovation. \7hen it's time to answersomeone's question.

"That's crazy!My brain moveswith the speed a glacier of and it makesme feel pretty stupid.the quality of his output will be impaired. Now me my it makesperfectsense. When he has to fit into someone else's agenda either with wordsor actions. to This bafflingbehaviorconfused until I understood ADD.You MEaNI'v Nor Lezy. Even in a group of friends. PR: "I have a particular gift for speaking and conduct workshops without missinga beat. If an ADDer is free to direct his own thoughtsand actions. might not be rude or disinterested.On the way home from thesegatherings. to Reactingdepends the problematicinput and output functionsof an on ADD brain. becomeenergized focused. If you can rely on your ability to process information interyou can often take swift and decisiveaction. nally. might have He trouble retrieving things from memoryin a demandsituation.Your brain movesboth very slowly and very rapidlyJepending on the task. If of he hasn't input the information he needsto properlyrespond. thoroughlyenjoy this I and I work and am never at a lossfor words. rely on the wealth of my I knowledgeand my excellentlong-termmemoryto orchestrate these sessions. it's easier ect thanreact.But informal gatheringsare a totally different matter. But at the socialgatherthe ing.the rapid freewheelingaspectof his brain takesover. A personwith the gift of gabwho ignoresyou when you ask direct questions. he Input problemsprobablyalsoplay a part in this paralysis the will. Reaction Time Irregularity Our discussion the fast-thinkingbrain may seempuzzling.Sruproon Cnazy?! he may standback feelingstupid. usuallythink of many I 66 . questionand answerperiod isn't a problemeither The because focusis somethingI know well. In other words. of You may be thinking. am in chargeof my thoughtsand the direcI tion of my work during my conferences.My brain often doesn'twork fastenoughto find what I need to say. I have to react and respondto conversation generated other by people. I often flnd myself gropingfor things to sayin response questions.\fhen I get readyto shareinformation with an audience.he finds it more difficult to function well.because can't think of a response."This is anotherof the ADD paradoxes. Fluent self-expression independentof an ability to respondto quesis tions.

You don't have to have ADD to be at a lossfor words.thesebehaviors can be manifestations irregularreactioncapabilities. Ourpur can be difficult because ADDer has to synchronize mental speed the his with his sloweroutput.It resultsfrom a significant imbalancein action and reaction capabilities. An ADD adult can have difficulty working asa committee memberyet perfrorm admirablyas the chairperson. But he may successfully orchestrate a socialactivity of his own design.It is often a desperate attempt to managea situationso we can function with a degree comof petence. As many of us struggle with mismatched input/outputcapabilities.It's important to remember that this is anotherpieceof ADD. Thesecontradictorybehaviors can reflectyour genuineinability to reacrquickly and efficiently ro situations. world that seems a to tossus about by inexplicableforces. unable to figure out how to assist. mouth. Connections to the world are generallyslow and inefficienr while internal connectionswork with lightning rapidity." Clearly.But ADDers seemto regularlyexperience this phenomenon.most peoplefunction bestu'hen the task or subjectis something they know well. The Minuscule Mental Fuel Thnk Unlessyou happento be in excellentaerobichealth.In reality. 67 . we feel out of control. Our needfor control doesn't come from a desireto be one up on others. a frenzied hour long chasethrough the park after your escaping Great Dane would probably do you in for the afternoon. We live in a world of paradoxes.Otherwise. These behaviorscan make you feel lazyand bad about ourself. brain and of His body just don't cooperate very well in demandsituations.How Anr Wp DrpreRENr? things I could have said. He may standaroundthe kitchen of a friend preparinga dinner party. If a nap wasn't warrante akick d. ADD children may not work well in the groupsettingof a classroom but perform well with a's so easyto look and feel stupid. An inability to respondquickly to requests seems be to stubbornor non-compliantbehavior.

Somehave sufficient energyto get through the day but run out of steamwhen they get home.He is mentallytired. up information at a mind bogglingpaceand burn ADDers tend to process out just asquickly. Though is his body might not dashmadly arounda park. have never seenhim move off his couch! Many of us think fasterand fatigue more quickly than our non-ADD 68 .SruproOn Cnnzv?! back. Familiescan't believethat the slug they in front of the TV could ever be of any useon the job. A rapidlyworking brain expends much energyand quickly uses its daily allotment. his thoughtscan race aroundhis head. For years.You MrnN I'v Nor Lazv.An eight hour workdaycan be torturousfor someone t whosemental energyand productivetimessimply don't last long enough. You are exhausted! of This scenario similar to the daily experiences an ADDer.put yourfeetup andreadabook breakprobablywould be.

Without a high level of motivation. He experiencesattemptsof communicationasassaults his very being. are Research of this condition has grown from an interest in the mental health problemsof Vietnam era veterans. Previouslywell 69 . talk or think. An overloaded brain is similar to an overloaded computersysrem.the mental fatigue caused can by demandingjob can overloadhis brain'scapacityro fu:nctionwell. " The challengeis to conservehis mental energyby working ar his own paceand rhythm.How Anp Wr DrnpsnrNr? peers. the ADDer's job perfrormance really suffer.flashbacks.This rtr"t. If you load up the working memory of a computer with excessive data. Recent discoveries the brains of individuals in sufferingfrom Post-Traumnnc Scress Disorder good examples. An ADDer's overloadedsystemcan make him so tired he can barely move.He on either ignoresthe assault snapsan irritable reply-taking any acor tion is an impossibility.With excessive sensoryinformation. a mainframecomputer. Even the most efficient.The sympromsinclude nightmares. Shut Down Susceptibility' What happenswhen the brain'scapacityto process information is exceededT shuts d.Conversely.Your program will be temporarily useless. It Many of us live in terror that we'll shut 'We down at a critical moment and becomeuseless a crisis. it might crash. It is as if he is in a remporarycoma. the brain can alsosufferfrom overload. sexualabuseor natural disasteroutsidethe usualrange of human experience.oq.^nl.resilientpersoncan becomedisorganized under certain conditions. Some adults conservetheir resources coasting by at work.losing dataor the functions of the software.Each of us needsto be awareof the impact of cognitive fatigue on our work tempo. particularly if their jobs aren't too demanding. substance abuseand an exaggerated startle response. Post-Traumatic StressDisorderfollows a psychologicalffauma to eventsof war. in may freeze response loud noisesor unexpectedeventsand feel that in to we're in slow motion.overloadcan On shut down the entire can backfire.

takesa fairly low level of situations.we aren't the only peoplewho shut down under demanding It The differenceis in degree. Although no one can explain the biochemistrythat causes we know from experiencethat it's troubling for many ADDers. Of course.Sruproon Cnazv?! adjustedpeople aren't immune to the disorder-the symptomscan occur in anyonewho has experiencedseveretrauma. ShutDown.You MEnNI'u Nor Lezv. actual biochemicalchanges psychobiological have discovered researchers It that stress. stress the ADD brain for definitely not fun! for This baffling coma of Shut Down is troubling but essential our must stop the onslaughtso continuedwell-being. The symptomsoften persistyearsafter the traumatic event. Recently.It is as if our brains of we can heal ourselves and renew our depletedreserves mental 70 . And when it happens.zz appears in the brainsof individualswith post-traumatic in overloadexperienced extremesituationscan alter the the massive brain. perhapspermanently. it's to yell "uncle".

you won't find an arealabelled The Memop_.In the following to areusing ryrt"rnof coding.How AnE WEDrrrpntNr? .Every are tlme you usea file cabinet. As ADDers. If we superficially registerthe data. Rather than fighting it. If you recall fiom the discussion spatial of organization.i . Our brainsmusrt.In this seco.resultsin a fascinating and eclecticstorehouse interestingknowledgel of The second s!"p of Memory: Registration-we have to register information beforeit can becorn"puit of memory.rj . writ"r.. or directionsand jump the gun on new tasks. Eachof us ha. this is no small taskfor someADDers I 7L . phone *"rr"g. consciously we make an effort to securethe information in our memoriesfor subsequenr " decidewhether to file the pieceof papei uy r"liecr.r"p of the memory process. coding and rehearsal two important parts of registration. Protlems of 'We arousalor alertness often impair adequate regisiration. The First Step of Memory: Acquisition-The first step in the process' acquisition. Besides payingattention to incoming information. we'll have difficulty ritrieving it later. by Our selective attention deficitsmake it difficult to acquireinformation that never even finds its way into our memorieslThe positive sideis that an ability to notice things othersmiss.related problemswith closelyrelatedto selective attention. Mpmory is a-process rather than an identifiable part of the brain.. Someof the differences ADDers experienceare.. to rest find the bestway to facilitate this renewal. many of us feel embarrassed how much we don'r know.we will examinethe impact of ADD symptoms the on memoryprocess. The function of memoryis a sysrem with multiple parrs scatteredthroughour the brain. may only partially understand conversations. Undependable Memory and Learning Systems If you look at a picture of the brain. involvesa preliminary decisionto acceptand storeit.r"*. type of requiredaction.h"rg. we need to give in to it and acceptthe self-imposed rime.

or file incoming information asa visual image.\7hile you work. For example. and can be quite inventive with the sometimes off-thewall coding methodshe designs.If you try to run memory intensive software. though. on Active working memory functions much like the working memory of a computer. you loseyour If work forever unlessyou have savedit to permanentdisc storage.rehearsal must be more than rote memorization.your computer might respondto the overloadwith a shutdown and lossof data. Rehearsal what children usedto do in their one-room schoolhousesis memorizingby reciting their lessons aloud. If you're lucky. Seeing flash of lightening the in your mind's eye is an exampleof instant recall.The typist holds the key'slocation in his mind only long enoughto press it. Touch-typing also usesthis kind of have used rehearsal elaboration.You MenNI'u Not Lezv.we can code the name "Tom Thumb" in severalways.Sruproon Cnazvl! Registeringinformation involves essentially the samekind of sorting and filing. These storagesystems aren't characterized their sizebut by their by duration or how longinformation is storedin each. get with an enormous thumb (visual).Theseare usuallynot his bestqualities!He is crearequires tive. "finger" (verbal) or a sound. The Third Step of Memory: Storage-The third step involves storageof the processed information. the power goesout. Instant recall has the shortestduration. If you have ever memorizeda word of list by singing a silly songyou createdfrom the words.It must include elaboration information.The code can be a "picture" of Tom the mid. RAM memory capacityvariesfrom one computer to another.To be effective. active workingmemor!. the wordson the screenare held in the computer'stemporarystorage."Tom Thumb is a bum" (auditory). it might 7Z . short-term memoryand long-termmemory. \7e decideto code. Rehearsal another problem for an ADDer because tediousand is it's patience. There are four storage instant systems: recall. \7e userehearsal practo tice and repeatinformation until we anchor it in our memories.a word or a sound.a word.

Its unique limitations make it vulnerableto a variety of interferences. He beginsthe first step in solving a complex problem only to lose it ashe undertakes secondstep.From experience and leaming.or translated into a permanent code. Distractibility wreakshavoc with short rerm memory.This is of you.routines. items or (plusor minus two).I am preparingto self-destruct!" Complexiiy of detail seems to shrink the storagecapacity. The data in this bank vault is consoh dnted.experiences.Its capacity is quite limired with a maximum of five seconds r"rr"r.Memoriesyou needto storeforeverare in a separate box_deep insidethe cavemous vault.and generalknowledge.brain.seemingly houseof facts.It doesn'ttake more than a brief mind trip for a personro losedata that he wasn'tmentally presentto register. The onesyou need to remember while you completeyour errandsare in your safetydepositbox right inside the vault's steeldoor.The codedetermines which box will srorethe information.. Buick and Ford asauromobiles.The jigsiw piices keepfailing off the table the beforehe can put the whole puzzle tog"ih"r. .How Anr WE DrrpEnrNr? givg you a a chance to closefiles or changesoftwareby alerting you ro its low memory.An ADDer often tur remarkably " unreliable temporarymemory that regularlylosespower and data. Elaborationand association old and new data is a great of anchor for long term storage. An imaginativethinking stylecan alsointerferewith short rerm form associations by elaborating the characteristics eachcar and crossreferon of encing them to other vehicles. are you usingconsolidation. 73 . But it can compromise qualiry of"short the term storage that requires focuson specificdetails. values. You can think of it as a huge bank vault that contains numerour of"depositboxes. It's too bad your brain doesn'tgive clearer messages impending shut-down-maybe somethinglike. Short Term Memory alsofunctions as temporarystorage. unlimited storelotg Tery Memory is the permanent. Similar to RAM memory your active working memory can shut down if you try t9 overloadit. When you identifu a Honda.

an ADDer tends to approachmemory choresin a rapid.Accurate retrieval is a combination of attention to the detailsof what he needsto have to retrieve information as an accuratewhole.Recognition relieson funiliariry to refreshthe memoriesof superficiallyleamed data. he often rushesto get the memory chore finished. Finding a specificword in your memory banks is another retrievaltask.That's why rote recitation is a lesseffectivestrategythan memorizingby principle. for His limited reserves mental energyimpair his ability to maintain sufficienteffort of to memorizesomething.To anchor data in memory. For example. Rote learningresultsin isolateddetailsrather than generalideas and abstractions.As he quickly bums out. An ADDer's unique abilitiesand disabilities greatvariability in cause his abiliry to access information.Remember dynamicsof reactiontime? the 74 . His divergentretrieval is usuallymuch fasterand more accurate than his convergentretrieval.This compromiseshis ability to developstrategies registration. Retrieval relieson data you have firmly fixed in userecognition memory to take a multiple choice test or find your way to a location by noting landmarksalong the way. On the other hand. his He may possess wealth of information in his bank vault but routinely a forgetwherehe put his car keys! Fourth Step of Memory: Access-Access is the process recalling of storedinformation through recognition or retrieval memory.You MpaNI'v Nor have to usespecificstrategies. Since an ADDer tendsto be a conceptualizerrather than a rote learner. superficialand haphazard manner.Sruproon Cnnzy?! A rich imaginationenhances theseassociations is an asset and for long term memorystorage. With an aversionto details. consolidationskills can be superb.accuraterecall on demand. retrieual requiresprecise. Precise recall is you only asgood asthe strategies usedto storethe information. \Uhen you take an essay exam. plannedstrategiesfor storageand fast information processing.

He can wanderthrough his safe-deposit boxes.children and adultswith mental retarFor dation can't transferskills from one setting to another.They have to learn skills in eachof the semings they will userhem.He suddenly feelsanxiousand annoyedthat he has to switch to his faulty convergentrerrieval.rransfer of knowledgeis impossible. Although this can be a disadvu. Mixing the contentsof the boxesor combining them in new waysis unthinkablel An ADDer tendsto be a creative.finding information ro usein new and interestingways.It can alsoinclude generalizations the common threadsbetweenseemingly of unrelatedideasor evenrs. A precise memoryfor factsis invaluablein answering quesrions about a specificsubject. Although eachof us has a unique memoryprofile.It is lessvaluablein information transferthat depends on associations.It can include combiningfragmented piecesinto a largerwhole. of ADD adultsdon't have bad memories but their unique symproms creategapsin the memoryprocess.ttug" when he needs precise memory it is a decidedadvantage transferring for knowledge.That's why many of us performedwell in 7s .He resists purring things in boxes with neat labels. instance. Everythingis grear until someone interruptswith a questionor even worse.He can applyknowledgeand solve problemsin waysundreamed by more orderlythinkeis.He often impresses friendsand himself ( !) with the fluency his of thoughtsstructuredaroundhis knowledgebase.changeslhe subject. rifth Step of Memory3 Tiansfer-tansfer is a complex process of rearranging individual piecesof data to form new knowledge. we sharesomefairly consistentpatterns.knowledge and ideastogether. [t can include applyingdata from one applicationto another. data is storedin separately If labeledboxes.How Anr Wr DrrrpnENr? An ADD adult functionsbetter when he acts(divergenrrerrieval)on his own ideasthan when he reacts (convergentrerrieval)to a direct question. Transferof knowledgedependson the creative and flexible useof a knowledgebase.divergenrrhinker with an ability to put.Recognition memoryis usuallygood.

your brain receivedthe optimal kind of stimuli. Your memory wasgiven just what it neededto function efficiently. diagramsand other visual aids.You MeaNI'u Nor Lnzv.The memory of an ADDer can compromisehis attemptsto leam. wasrelated to motivation but not in the way he thought-your lack of motivation wasn't the result of your poor attitude. He might have pointedly usedthis asevidence of your ability to do it whenyou warltedto. \7e'11 examine thesedifferencesin greaterdepth later in the book. deredthe samething. Everyonehas his own unique leaming style. goesa long way toward helping him readjust Understanding the process his self-assessments.\7e just need to leam and to demonstratewhat we've leamed. It alsohad a lot to do with individual teachingstyles. converseand carry out instructions. Impaired Social Skills' Control Center of ADD has a profound impact on all areas life. Symptomsof the disordercan affect interpersonalrelationships in a variety of ways. It wasthe result of an ADDer's need for intenselycompelling motivation to grab the dysregulatedselectiveattention. 76 . Your abiliry to excel Your teacherwaspartially correct in his assessment. But what about that tough physics classin high school?Why did you do so well in a difficult subjectthat memory retrieval?Your teachermight have wonrequiredon demanl. Recognizingindividual leaming stylescan be very helpful in bypassing weak areasand focusingon strengths. differently than others do. you are a visual leamer and the coursein questionwastaught with many char$. It makessensethat your memory would be good for a specificsubject or task that comeseasilyto you.the auditory leamer by hearing and the kinesthetic leamer If by doing/experiencing. \il7eADDer's aren't stupid or oppositional. Srupto on Cnezv?! about the historic implications of world events discussions classroom but failed miserablyon teststhat requiredone-word answers. including socialadjustment.The visual leamer leams by seeing.

really have to work hard at leaming and using social skills.If deficient selectiveattention getsin the way.Combinedwith impulsivity. \ \7e leam mannersand other forms of socialrules in childhood-but successful relationships requiremore than memorized rules. gPed they seemto interact admirablyin socialsituations.How AnE\7E DrrrEnENr? Somepeopleseemto be bom with socialgifts and skills of intuition that_theyusero "read" orher people.The rules are somewhatflexible and can changefrom situation to situation.Perhaps they have highly devel"Social Skills' Control Centers" in their brainsl \7ith litile effort. Many of us with ADD. If we are unsureof the rulesin a given situation. The development socialskills is more an art than a science of because we must leam to readthe ever-changing reactionsof orhers. 77 . we watch other people for cluesand gauge their reactionsto our ADDer's perceptions may be flawed by inaccurateor incomplete information. however.this deficit can leadto numerous socialmistakes. inabilitv to An process information efficiently can result in a failure ro assimilaiethe leY rulesquickly enough.

but I figuredI'd just drop over and seewhat you weredoing. 78 .drawing other peopleto him. don't despair!It's never too late to developa socialnetwork. Someof the eccentric traits that causedan ADDer's childhood peers to labelhim "weird" often becomeadmirableffaits in adulthood.\7e hope you know that your ADD isn't your fault. By this point in your reading. It's just too difficult to hang in there for the duration. He works so hard at following the rules and not looking foolish that he may have insufficient energyleft to focuson someoneelse." An ADD adult may have brief conversations with many peoplebut be unable to focuslong enoughon a given relationshipto make a connection. It can be healthierfor your soul to recognize that this lifestylemay be unnecessary undesirable.m.+zy. Sruprnon Cnnzy?! Developingfriendshipscan be difficult for an ADDer whoserestlessnessinterfereswith the process. with friends dropping in all the time.Yeah. Building lasting friendshipsrequires slow.Yeah. we try to to pushing ourselves speedit up and cqme on like gangbusters.So. If you are an ADD adult who has grown up feeling like a socialreject. Many of us simply can't wait around long enough for this process take its course. and Using your energyto develop one or two positiverelationships can be a much better way to go.we hope you have a better understanding about what ADD is and the impact it has had on your life.carefulplanning and nurturing. a sense humor or an enthusiastic of zestcan be a socialmagnet.ffixy elude him. "l know you saidthat you would call me. You may have unrealisticexpectations yoursell believingthat you shouldbe for like one of the gang onThirty something.a specialtalent.I know I alreadycalled three times today. Intimacy.\Ueird becomes unique. \7e hope you have begun to forgive yourselffor the failuresand shortcomings you may have blamed on your lack of character.You MrnN I'u Nor L.I know it's Z:00a.specialor interesting. Creativity. with its demandsfor carefulattention to another person. into other'slives.

imporTo tant process. of your 79 . By understandinsyggr disorderyou've alreadybegun the process of dismantling your self-defeating assumprions. our focuswill be the unproductive waysmany of us have leamed to cope with our disorder.we'll look at someadditionaldynamicsof ADD. need to considerboth the adaptiveand maladaptive you coping strategies you'vebeenusingto copewith being different. you can make decisionr your bJhaviorsand modifir those that are getting in the way "borrt recovery.lUith this-knowledge.How AnEWt DrppgneNr? In the next chapter.Growing up different affectsthe wav each of us interactswith our individual worlds and the people in them. continrr" ihi.

"l'11put it out my mind" becomearmorsthat shield Scarlett and Defensemechanisms defense. beneficial. we of Because our differences. but S.url"tt may have been a fictional character. all of us.url. ADDers enduremore than our fair share By rejection and feelingsof inadequacy. are Defensemechanisms the survival techniqueswe leam through our feelingguilty Scarlettleamedto protectherselfagainst life experiences. for hei lessthan admirablebehaviorswith her. adaptive. "I won't thinkaboutthat rcday . systems erectedelaboratedefense *" r"". we build shieldsto defendourselves O'Hara usedthis classic the Gone withtheWind.They can be can mechanisms be psychologically Defense They can alsobe psycholog-mechanisms. line several S." times in the movie. s. shedid what all mechanisms. the time of disappointments. She developedcoping strategie defense to defendherselfagainstpsychologicaland emotional harm.from hufts and disappointments.many of us have We dontt or to hide our differences distract othersfrom seeingthem. She had mastered art of dealingwith the problemsin her life by avoiding them-she put them out of her mind.r"d her Denialdefenss-('[f I don't think about the 80 .lll thinkaboutit tomorrow. icaliy harntfrl.positivecoping that underminegrowth.CHaprEn 5 Art TheNotSoFine of Coping . . maladaptivecoping mechanisms Scarietsomerim". want to be different and will jump through hoops to fit in and gain againstemotional So. human beingsdo. acceptance. .h adulthood.

THr Nor So FINE Anr Or CoprNc problem. She usedit not only to surviveemotionalharm but alsoto insulateherselffrom ever thinking about the possible consequences her actions. Scarlett overusedthe defense.Because didn't of she allow herselfto considerthe impact of her behavior. it doesn'texist" asan adaptivecoping mechanism.lUhen she killed a man in self-defense. refusalto think about the devastaring her circumstances enabledher to survive its horror. Unfortunately.sherealized too 81 .

last.but junior high and with Many ADDers can empathize hlgh schoolhave beennightmares. They teased for being in the "ozone"during class. sarcastic and tough manner.Their peersare afraid of them. their collective intelligenceto write nihilistic poetry and makedarkly humorousjokes. I'11think about it tomorrow.Slow and 82 .It's important for each of us to analyzethe maladaptivebehaviorsthat get us in we'Il examinesomeadaptive trouble. Now at long her. eachof the kids has a hostile. 'We've of compiled somecharactersketches real peoplestrugglingto If cope with their differences. Since they're surethe world is going They have a doomsday to to Hell no matter what they do. They use schoolor to try to excel at anything.stupid and rejected.You MraN I'v Nor Lnzv. can begin to substitute ier ones. Bad is Better than Stupid thought she Susanis 15 yearsold. Again she invokesher standard to refrain. "l won't think about that now. for we coping strategies can substitute the harmful ones.They flirt with death asthey take drugsand have sex without safeguards. will already your have taken an important step in your recovery. by make fun of her now and she is off the hook asfar asschool work goes. shehas found a group of kids that embraces Susanand her new friends wear extreme. Each usesa maladaptivecoping strategy. creatingmore problemsthan they solve." helpful and The defense mechanisms that ADDers useare sometimes sometimes harmful. Rhett Butler leaves Scarletrefuses confront reality. SometimesSusanis too scared by the talk of suicideand the useof IV drugs. her. you you recognize yourselfin any of their descriptions. She has always felt incompetent. they think it's useless work hard at They are smartkids.In later sections about recovery. Justa few yearsagoher classmates She her wasweird. mentality. waspuzzled and hurt that no one wanted to befriend her.punk hairstylesand clothing.SruptoOn Cnnzv?! late that shewasdestroyingher marriage. Although the groupisn't violent.Even in the final scenewhen with his declarationthat their relationshipis over.But at least The other kids don't dare shefeelsaccepted u groupof her peers.If you can analyze you emotionallyhealthmaladaptive defenses. Elementaryschool wasalwaysdifficult for Susan.

They usuallymanageto keep themselves and their tough facades within the boundsof society's rulesand don'r become major league criminalsor find troubled. Debrahas taken rhe oppositetack. The defense mechanism Susanhas learnedis common in adolescence. She hasdecidedthat being the 83 . hostile attitude. however. A defiant and snnart reply to a teacher's questionscan get a few laughs and perhapssomeadmiration from other kids. She doesn'rconsider this option because is driven to saveface.TUE SoFINE OrCoprNc Nor Anr awkward in leaming new sportsand masteringthe art of conversation. Muny vulnerableADD adolescents continue to weartheir shieldsof toughnessinto adulthood. A intimidatesother peopleand preventsanyonefrom getring too close.And anyway. getting plenty of detentionsis cool.She'salwaysin trouble she with her parentsand teachers is willing ro pay this high price for but acceptance. is Facedwith reality assheexperiences Susanchooses it. inclusion in the gangover humiliation and alienation. It's a way to avoid answeringa questionwithout looking stupid. shehasn't faredany better in physicalprowess in her sociallife. TOUGHNESS creates smokescreen nasLVULNERABILITY. indeed. or She has leamed one thing very well-adolescents admire kids who are cool and in control. The Perfectionist Unlike Susanwho protectsherselfby rebellingagainsr sociery's rules. Driven by the adolescent's intenseneed to fit in.She can leam new waysof dealingwith her differences. Susanand her counterpartsmay pay a high price.Unfortunately. Susanhas learnedthat rebellious behavioris more acceptable than the uncertainfumblingsof someone struggling with disabilities. a to If v9u separate Susanand her friendsfrom their group and managero dig beneaththe tough shells. This defense mechanismdoesdouble duty asa cover for pioblems and an insulator from other people.She hasa third choice. She has decidedthat BeingBad better than BeingStupid.The stint in detention hall that follows can be a reasonable price to pay for maintaining one's image.

her secretwould be If out. of she caused to do anything that would bring acceptance.She had kept her secret so long that shehad inflated ideasaboutwhat other peoplecould accomplish. This had nothing to do with insomnia.Debra of is a Perfectionist.She regularly"pulled all-nighters"and never had time to relax or hang out. Everyonewould know shewasn'tnormal. Everyonecountedon her to volunteer for any task that neededto be done.compelledrc do it all. on volunteerwork and clients all vie for her attention. \fell. She thought that if shesaid"No" ro anyrhing. Children. her Now 32 years old. Although her poor conduct grades reflectedher restlessness. Debrais marriedand hasa setof twins and a successful business. kb She becomingincreasingly more difficult to do it all with so many conflicting demands her time. still worksherselfto death. shefailed to do everything. Lately shefeelsthat she's losingcontrol and that at any moment somethinghorrible is going to happen. Beginningin seventhgrade.Her impairedsense sell distortedby differences didn't understand. She hasADD but thosewho know her would neverbelieveit.You MEnNI'r'rNor Lazy. 84 .She didn't sleepmuch because didn't have time-she had to studytwice aslong aseveryshe body elseto leam the material. Sometimes desperately she longedto get off her treadmill but didn't darerisk disclosure.shehad sexwith any boy who asked and pushedthe bad feelingsabout herselfto the back of her mind. Debrawasn'treally functioning very well despiteher carefully constructedfacade. Her inability to say"No" got her into serious trouble in all areas of life.In general.shewould be found-out.She rarely slept more than four or five hours each night. The hitch wasthat Debra didn't have a clue about what "normal" was. You might be askinghow someone with ADD could function so well.SruproOn Cnazy?! best. husband.regardless the cost. behaviorwasn't her disruptiveenoughto cause serious disciplineproblemsin school. Even a pregnancy and an abortion didn't changeher sexualbehavior.shefollowed the rules and did what wasaskedof her. Before -in the top 3o/o shegraduated ofher high schoolclassof one thousandpart in many extracurricular she took the only way to hide her deficits.

. \fhile Debramay look good to outsiders. shewonderswhen she'll totally self-destruct. He terrorizes wife. kids and employees of his by flying off the handle and accusingthem when anything goeswrong.She'strying to gain control of her life by taking careof everything and everybody.When he can't find important papers the blackhole in that constitutes office. The Blamer Steve never admits he'smade a mistake.Knowing that she hasjust about pushedherselfbeyondher limits.he accuses his his secretary losingthem.She she has to spendall her energyrunning and hiding behind her facadeof perfection. Recoveringcodependentscould tell her that it doesn'twork.TUENor So FrNe Anr OpCoprNc She can't keep all the piecestogetheranymore. There are many Debra'saround.Readers who are familiar with codependency may recognize similar traits in Debra. It's interesting to speculate numthe bersof supermen and women who strugglewith disability beneath their in controlexteriors. feelsterrible inside.

If his kids don't understand instructions. Nothing seems bother him. "How could you be so stupid! You'll never be worth anything!" The defense mechanismof Blarning similar to BeingBad except that is the blamer fendsoff peopleby actively accusingthem of stupidity or wrongdoing. Srupn On Cnazy?! At 28 yearsold. Although he'sa successful businessman.He's terrified that he'll be exposedfor the bumbling idiot he really is.This keepseveryonefrom by looking too closelyat his performance. still feelslike the kid who wasregularlyridiculed and he punished. they must have a scapegoat blame for everythingthat happens.At his legendaryhigh school graduation (his friendswere amazed ever managed graduate). and his family beginsto believe they are at fault. Blamerscan never let anything go.They know he won't complain. He loves to engagein lively discussions about current eventswith his friends and anyone elsewho will listen. rejectedkid. \Uhat they don't realizeis that beneathhis blustery.The badpersonkeepsothers off balancewith angerand hostility but not necessarily with criticism. Steveis a chronic Blamer.lf food falls out when he jerks the refrigeratordoor open. accidents don't exist. Steveis shieldinghimself againstfeelingsof inadequacy shifting the blame to others.aggressive exterior is a scared.Thpesfrom the pastkeep playing in his head. his he blamesit on their stupidityor inattention.You MsaNI'u Nor Ltzy. He is intelligent and well-informed. To maintain their fragile emotional equilibrium. for Jim makesexcuses the peoplewho do him wrongor maintains that 86 . Peopleenjoy being aroundJim because he's likable and easygoing. ttWho Cares?tt Jim is 30 yearsold and has worked asa waiter or cab driver most of his adult life. he yells at his wife for putting the groceries awayincorrectly. even when bosses to and coworkersask him to work unpopularor extra hours. Most peoplewho know Steve characterize him as an arrogantSOB. It's an impossibilitythat his instructionswere unclear. to For the blamer. He has a good sense humor about things in genof eral and himself in particular.Enduringhis daily accusations anger. joined in he to he the laughterashis buddiescarriedhim down the aisleon their shoulders.

Secretlyhe feelsbad that he didn't go to college did.Perhaps choices 8i . He professes be content with his life the way it is.Her choice of saying"No" to the rat race to live by her own values.Despiteher gifts. anyway. rationalizesher life choices.The problem is. with Jim feelsthat he's a failure and maskshis feelingsof inadequacy persona.Susan's are shieldsof armor to prevent anyonefrom seeingtheir disabilites. knowledge his \X/ho Cares His wide circle of friendsand broad The defense mechbasedon't make up for his academicshortcomings.a 47 yearold mother of two.She doesn'town a VCR or clothes' dryer. There is a distinctively angry defensiveedgeto her voice when she much time explaining herself. fable. wise useof resources enablesher to devote time to her family Jane's and have enough left over to pursueher own interests. He isn't at peacewith himself and has ashis brothers and sisters physicalsymptomsto prove it: tension headaches. Borrowing from anism he usesto protect himself is similar to Susan's. shehad always held jobs well below her educationallevel. is intelligent and creativeand has ADD madeschoola impressive artistic talents. Janepresentsa slightly different version of the Who Caresdefense. both are careJim'sindifferenceis passive fully designedmasks.She is goodsothersconsidernecesleamedto live without the many consumer sities.Jane's It monumental struggle. competition and materialismin Janeis outspokenabout the excessive proud of her skill at budgetingmoney and has today'ssociety.Janeisn't entirely comfortablewith her decision.She "Doth protesttoo much" when shescoffs academic at and careerachievement. both pretend that things out of reach the fox in the sour grapes' arroganceand Jim's indifference aren't worthwhile. high blood many pressure and an ulcer that regularlyflairs up. Jane.Beforechoosingto stayhome with her admirable. She Janedoesn'tfeel successful.She spends is but and Jane's assertive.Anr Or CoprNc THsNor So FrNs to the things they do don't bother him.Perhaps beneaththe bristly Wha Caresdefense a real the desireto accomplishsomeof the things sherejects. took twice the customarytime for her to complete college. usesso much energyon defensethat she can't acceptherselfor honestly evaluate is her choices.

His "what me w_orry" attitude maskshis real feelingsthat probably include anger. he gettingcoworkers do his 1obunder the guiseof teachinghim. I really admirepeople.They are alsochargedwith keepinghim out of trouble. Ji-. He and uses disarming.rrt. Sometimes actshelpless.he relieson the women in his life to support him. He never pulls his weight at work. They keep track of his checkbookand his ho. 88 . frequentlychanges relationships. on the other hand. living arrangemenrs iobs. As soonas he feelsrestless coworkers on to him. His women do more than simply contriburero his financial support. Todd manipulates them by usingguilt. Regrettably. To deal with and his financial difficuhies.uho cin do it.rieholdand social responsibilities. charm. He is a-ngry himself for his shortcomingsand at the peoplewho at take advantage him.You MEeNI'v Nor L.boyishmanner asa powerful lure to hook others his into willingly taking careof him. relying insteadon his masrery manipulationro ger oth"r.Todd flattersand cajolesothers into bailing him out. can't realisticallyassess himselfbecause he worksso hard at prerendingnorhing bothershim. he'll need to confront his If ?ng_er: he can leam to deal with his feelingsup front.He T. His manipulaiivebeharrin ior usuallyworks and someone stepsin to bail him out. Facedwith a tediousor difficult task. "l never wasany good at that. SruproOn Cnezy?! shehas made are right for her. to do of the work for him. Manipulation arrracriveand charming. he may even find that his physicalhealth improves. of him from grapplingwith ambitionshe'snever been able^to admit.+zy." Sometimes tells a tale of woe about his bbsspiting work he on him or about emergencies his life. His armor protectshim but alsopr"u. she works so hard at protecting her fragile ego rhat shehas little energyleft for living the life she has chosen.he simply changes or ger appeal-whatever maneuverwill work in a given situation.dd is 47 y€arsold and is restless. He says something 19 like. If he'sever able to let his guarddown. Fdd usuallymakesdecentmoneybur regularlyendsup flat broke because he'scareless impulsivewith hir rp"nding.

competitiveworld out there with dire consequences for thosewho sink to the bottom of the heap.learningdisabilityor ADD.If someone are with a physicalhandicap. It's a tough. the stakes great temptation to useany available higher and riskier.His impulsivity and lack of attention to detail makehim unawareof much of his behavior and its consequences.His behaviorsounds lot but like an alcoholic's he doesn'tdrink.Many of the newly homelessare hardworking folk who slid over the line into poverty following startsout in life a setback such asunemploymentor illness. however. So he survives usingother peopleto coverfor him. It's the only way he knows to survivealthoughhe'sawarethat it's unacceptable for a grown man to be caredfor this way. He hasjust leamedto manipwho does. of ADD adultsin particularcan becomemasters the art of manipulation. ulate like someone unfeelinguserwho will stop at nothing Todd might seemlike a ruthless. his Todd simplyhasn't figuredout an altemative method for satisfying He nor His manipulationsareneither conscious premeditated. He lives in a constant stateof emergency. 89 . doesn'tconnect his actionswith their impact on others.THr Nor So FtNrAnr Or CoprNc Often he manipulateshis current woman into keepinghim together enoughto hold down his 1ob. to ensurethat his needsare met.He's an ADD adult who has learnedto useManipulationas a cover for his underlyingproblems.we may need to occasionally this defense a matter of survival. He isn't pure villain.There is a meansto improveone'soddsof survival. running scaredall the time. to mistakes feelshelpless prevent but He knowshe regularlymakes by them. as use puppetson a string. needs. he endsthe relationshipwhen he a by feelstoo constrained the "mothering". messes More often than not.She getshim up in the moming. monitors his performanceand smoothsthings over with the bosswhen Todd up.Manipulation may be a dirty word but everyone Although we may not like being manipulatedas usesit on occasion. Websterdefinesmanipulatingas"controlling or playing on others usingunfair means".

You MpnNI'v Nor Lnzy. maintainsnagging doubtsabouthis abilitiesand lack of achievement. Insulatedfrom pain by suppressing feelingsof inadequacy.She never givesany thought to the possibilitythat her life could be different.Twenty-five yearsold. on the other hand. After a childhood of academic and social failures.loneliness and depression. she is a marginal wbrker on the job. lessthan glowing appraisals. This defenseis a cousin to the \XAoCaressrancebut operates slightly differently.Jim. ADD adults. The Barbisof this world haven't madepeacewith themselvgs-i1'sas if rhev'reburied alive.have additionalrisk factorsthat increase ihe oddsof their becomingmasrers manipulation. . she lives with her parentsand works as a file clerk. She has chosensurvival through Withdrawal. of Withdrawal Barb is both unattachedand detached. She spends vacationstaggingalongwith her parents. But is it worth it? Similar to many ADD adults. shehasdecidedthat giving up is the safesr thing shecan do. She has chosento accepther mediocrity. somele""l.Barb's handicaphasnever been identified. She has rarely dated. h" On continuesto think about theseissues that trouble him. Barb can'r make a thoughtful decisionabout her life.has no closefriends and spends most of her free time watching TV.Everyone has alwaystold her that she is lethargic and spacey. She is neither hyperactivenor impulsive. her Although Barb has an aboveaverageIQ.They qelgrall-v9op9by learning to work harder than non-dirabled people. She isn't anxiousabouther performance and doesn'tworry abo.however. Barb believesthis characrerization. 90 .SruproOn Cnazy?! This isn't to saythat the majority of peoplewith disabilities become manipulative.Barb has given up completelyand hascarefullyburiedher feelingsand doubts.rihe. Barb is different from most of the ADDers you've mer in this chapter. She makesmany mistakesand has trouble keeping up with her colleagues.Most are rather heroic in their striving to achieve.*t"nt of her sociallife. Occasionally she goesout to dinner with a coworkerbut that's th. Barb is freefrom thl risksshe would faceif shedecidedto live her life fully.The price she paysis a life of boredom.

respondingto innocent comShe has a colossalChipon the Shoulder.shefrantically tries to keepup with demands Her prickly shell fendsoff at leastsomeof the times overwhelming. aren't always this is the way sheacts. of excuses explanations.wonderinghow his good intentions wearilyretreats endedup in this ugly scene. Her life hasbeen filled with falseaccusations thoughtlessness laziness that no one knew weresymptoms her subtle of and disability. that is always life Paulais a selfishshrew.Paularetreatsto nurseher angerat a world dissatisfied with her efforts.With deficits that interfere with an organized that are somelifestyle. he Paula's husbandaskedabout the trashonly because wasgoing outwanted to take it with him if it wasstill in the house. As she becomesincreasinglyangry and indignant.The intensity of her defensive stancemay be out of proportion to the imaginedslight but her life experiences have taught her to expectcriticism. has to be readyfor the next assault her being. least and At mentswith a barrage defensive what they seem.making her saintlyhusband's miserable. She'sonly 19. on She Paula's defense serves anotherpurpose.But appearances Paulais an ADD adult who spent much of her childhood rebukedfor things sheforgot to do or didn't finish. She can never let down her defenses.Paulaaggressively moment of her life.THENor So FrNs Anr OpCoprNc Chip on the Shoulder poises full-scale for While Barb quietly withdraws. but has developed an battle every prickly suit of armor. Her soul is raw from all the for times sheworkedher heart out only to be chastised the one thing of shedidn't do. 9T . inoculates againstrequests It her for her time or energy. she reactsdefensively. ation of why shehasn't been able to get around to the chore yet. she switchesto the attackingher husbandfor overworkingher with his demands. is Paula'sChip on The Shoulder a protective suit of armor designedto shoreup her sense self.She ruminatesabout the injusticesin her life and the unfairnessof it all.He sideand from the house. offensive.She continually defends of herselfasa matter of reflex even when sheisn't being attacked.When her husbandasksif shehas taken especially She offersa long-winded explanout the trash.

never allowing herselfto find the strengths that would leadto positivegrowrh.He comesacross honest.has chosena positive coping mechanism. fre. Thke Me or Leave Me You probablyknow highly effectivepeoplewhoseself.drawing peopleto him with his sense humor and gift of of gab..defense in the faceof real injustice. He is a grown-up classclown who "keeps'em laughing" so no one will notice the things he can't do. "'What you seeis what you get" Pete. for example.SruproOn Cnezy?! extra demandsas it makespeople rhink twice about approachingher with questionsor requests her involvement. less Pete. for There isn't anything inherently bad about emotional self. He quently makeshimself the butt of his own jokes.Th.He is attractive Me and affable.y are unlikely. \7ouldbe critics find the wind taken out of their sailswhen Petebeatsthem to the punch by making a joke abouthis failings. Pete disarms most peopleby being the first to admit his weaknesses.You MpnNI'ruNor Lazy." Th"y userhis posrurein a positive way. and They assume healthy attitude of "'!7har you seeis what you ger-I'm okay a and have nothing to hide.confidence you admire. however. . Peteis aTal<eMeor Leaqre man in his mid-'30's.He leaves them with nothing ro say.her knee-jerkdefensiveness the maladaptivesuit she wearsevery moment of her life. It's healthy to take ourselves seriously. She focuses exclusivelyon protection.however. He uses excellent sense humor to his of createa smokescreento hide difficulties and deflect criticism.Or hashe?What makesPetedifferent from the selfconfident peoplewe described? differenceis that Pete's The Take Me Or LeaveMe attitude is a carefullyfabricatedfacadebehind which he hides.They are self-assured comfortablewith themselves. is She has sufferedso many woundsthat she can't differentiate between real and imaginedassaul$.to wastetime on relationshipsthat probably wouldn't work anyway.doesit to 92 . He sincerelyapologizes when he misses imporrant an deadlineat work or forgetsto attend his daughter's school pluy. In Paula's case. straightforwardand comfortable-with as his limitations.

but they never do. It's obviousto anyonewho knows Donna that her ADD has a big impact on the problemsshe experiences.She deniesthat a real problemexists. Pete's copingmechanism doesprotecthim.TUE Nor So FINEAnr Or CoprNc excess.She works hard at a difficult parenting job but her children continue to be unruly. but it's maladaptive. \fhen a crisiserupts. She explainsthat she stoppedtaking the medicinebecause interferedwith her sleepbut it shenever botheredtelling her doctor about the sideeffect.Pete's to have naggingfeelingsthat somethingis a "good guy".sheconsultswith professionalsbut promptly disregards their advice.They continue to forgive his failings but are beginning rotteninDenmark. SeveralyearsagoDonna wasdiagnosed with ADD.Euerythingwillbe of is or a fine when the excitement Christmas oqter whenoneof the kids gets new teacher. rarelyraisingher voice to her children or asserting herselfwith other adults.and her householdremains noisy and disordered.but he'stotally undependable. preIt vents the introspectionhe needsto makepositivechanges his life. isn't doing basically He anything to improve himself. Though he readilyadmitshis weaknesses.She alwaysattributes her family'sproblemsto extemal eventsand people. She spends much of her time waiting for things to return to normal. The chaoscreatedby her unruly children overwhelmsher. Donna is gentle and spacey. Her physicianprescribedRitalin and shetook it for a short while. Donna is 34 years and hasgiven up a professional old careerto stayhome with her three children who are all hyperactiveand disobedient. He'sbusyhiding and is unawareof the increasing frustration and anger of his friends. never doesanyhe thing about them! He retreats behind his self-deprecating facadeinsteadof honestlystudyinghis behavior. in It Ain't So Donna'sfamily of five lurchesfrom crisisto crisis. Her deficits make it nearly impossibleto provide the firm disciplineand structureher children need so 93 . His mistakesare getting lessfunny and his refusalto take anything seriously causingincreasing is resentment.

"Srupid like a fox" Prissy usedher helplessness a mechanism control as for without risking the severe consequences outright rebellion. shecan ever faceher If situationrealistically. The end of a relationshipor a job.image can alsoset the grief process motion. Learned Helplessness Tiacy is a modern day Prissy. replaced self with the label of ADD.Unable to own her ADD. Donna uses her It Ain't Sodefense run frantically in circles. e4 . sheconrinuesto attribute her problemsto somethingor somebody else. She has always known that somethingwaswrong but hasn't found comfort in her diagnosis. In the era of slaverythis defense wasboth clever and appropriate.She refuses ro take neededmedicationor avail herselfof professional hetp. Donna avoidsher problemsthe way Scarlett O'Hara avoidedhers. Because can't acknowledge limitations shecan'r move she her beyond them toward a stageof acceptance. the lossof a body part or an alteration in self. Similar to a widow who keepsher long deceased spouse's belongings if he werestill alive.Denial is a healthy.healthy .SruproOn Cnnzy?! desperately. shehas spenryearsleaming to play the role ro rhe hilt. Approaching her fiftieth birthday.Tiacy of has leamed that helplessness works aseffectivelyfor her as it did for Prissy.Her misguided efforts.don't yield results. She expendsconsiderable energyrrying to keep everythingtogerher. Donna is stuck in as denial. Prissy affecteda simple-minded that helped air her avoid responsibilities. continuesto deludeherselfinto thinking she can manage She everything by herself.You MenNI'v Nor Lxzy.She chooses deny they exist. she'll be able to useher creativemind to find solutions.It providestime for mobilizingsrrengrhro copewith the realizationof the loss.Denial is an integralpart of grief when a to loved one dies. Donna is in grievingthe lossof aperfect.however. flaky servantgirl in the movie Gone the With theWind who didn't "know nothin' 'bour birthin' babies'l Plaved by Butterfly McQueen.trying to to avoid facing herself.essential srepthar leads to ultimate acceptance.

She flattersand booststhe egosof her rescuers. Her helplessness a coping ing Tracy in her maladaptive groupssuch asminorities of usedby many members oppressed strategy was. her Although Tracy is bright and personable. his He regards beautiful wife asan eamed bonus and trea$ her as a in subject his kingdom. even when it isn't his responsibility. Controlling similar. She manages remain unstressed. he lives You probablyknow Jackor someone himself as "He who has the gold. She smilescharmingly asshe appealsto others helplessness for help. he has orchestrated success and insistson conversations of the peoplein his life.sheavoids at her responsibilities work and in her sociallife by getting othersto do everything for her. seems have used and shouldbe congratuthe symptoms his ADD to his advantage of lated for his efforts. ruler of his kingdomsat home and at work. He has the undisputed usedhis intelligence.She openly uses contrasting asher ploy. LearnedHelplessto ness makesher life easierto handle. Tracyneedshelp in affirmingher abilitiesso but alsounchallenged.Jackhas aggressively reHe to lentlesslyclimbed high on the ladderof success. Jackmeasures success his through his domination Unfortunately. Her method differsfrom Todd's. she can feel comfortableenough to risk failure and find success.Similar to the manipulator.TUE Nor So FINIAnr Or Copnc Tlacy never worriesabout failure. ADD has alwaysmade her feel unableto copewith the realitiesof her life.He establishes by the adage.. rules".If you are otherwisepowerless Prissy control.creativity and high energylevel to rise to a high and poweredposition in a largecorporation. He monopolizes at having the last word. .you can use as and women. aren't trying to is feminine role. poor.At 56 yearsold. someone steeringit in a direction that suits the he subtlyundermines agenda. her as Women have beenfrequentlycharacterized incompetentand help'We perpetuatean unfortunate stereotype castby less. At work he alwayssetsthe agendaat meetings If elsechairsa meeting. his needs. 95 . dumblittle me act with their competence. Few men usethis some to helplessness surviveand exercise playinghelpless isn't an acceptable male role because coping strategy Men can't get awaywith it! in our society. He makesall decisions home and on the job.Or should he? of his againstextemal rewards financial gain.

controlling behaviorin females isn't accepted any more than helplessness in men. is the way he is.aggressive controlli. His resentfulcolleagues u.Jackrepresents JustasTracyseems stereotyped the stereotyped domineering.can be more than an expression one'snature. often incurring the wrarh of his peers for his failure to consultwith them. His wife is fed up and is thinking about leavinghim. he'sjust a controlling kind of guy. Usually they are toppledmore quickly. is One could arguethat "The way Jack is. SruproOn Cnnzy?! 1r t o L/ . however.d "-ployeesare readyto lynch him. a 96 . the the helpless woman.rg *"n.It can t" of " learneddefense mechanism that becomes hiding placefrom deficits. Certainly and there arewomen who operarein similar fashionto Ja&. and by Controlling behaviorlike Jack's.In general. He has madean impressive arrayof enemies who would like nothing more than to overthrow king. I I I I I I He makesunilateraldecisions.You MEnNI'v Nor LAzt."k's true that men and women with ADD may be aggressive bossy temperament.

he controls his family's agendato avoid the risk that his wife will choosean activity that will At exposehis weaknesses. 97 . he commanlsall discussions because he knows he'sonly effective when he follows his own train of thought. As Chris approaches forty-ninth birthday. Character Sketches of Folk You May Know The ADDers you've met useacquireddefense 'We've to protect mechanisms public exposure their deficits. He has a personalitythat attractspeople.manageto bite the bullet and make the transition into adulthood. MaladaptiveADD behaviorsare a combination of variousleameddefensive maneuvers and specificdeficits.K. Energeticoptimism.THpNor So Fwr Anr Or CoprNc \Uhile it isn't readily apparentfrom his behavior. work. Human behavioris too complexto explain within the context of defensemechanisms alone. he continues to live in a his stateof perpetualchildhood. The Peter Pan Syndrome3 48 Going on 12 popularized a You may be familiar with thePeterPanSyndrome.we have designed them to illustratewhat can happen if ADD symptoms flourish without control or intervention. from themselves of examinedthe rationale for their choicesand the waysin which their coping strategiesare maladaptive.'3Peoplein our societynormally experience some regretat leavingchildhood and taking on adult responsibilities.One falsemove Jack'sControlling and he may maneuverhimself out of a job and a family. Beneaththe defenses the individual charare we acteristics arebom with. however.a wacky sense humor and a warm acceptance of of others make the people around him feel good. defense mechanismmay backfire. By not letting anyoneelsecontribute.we'll look more closelyat behavioralmanifestations of specificdeficits.Thesevignettesaren't condemnationsof ADDerswe get plenty of theml Rather. Chris ts a PeterPan who has decidedthat growing up is simply not worth it. At home. In the next section. Most of us. in book on the subject. he avoidsthe confusion and he embarrassment feelswhen questionsand commentsderail him.ttgJacklives in perpetualterror of looking stupid.

mance.preferringto live from moment to moment. !7hen-a job becomes boring or a bossbeginspr"r*. He to refuses make him to get serious. Chris switchesto another one.i.would-belovers and closefriendsfind him an elusiveman.SruproOn Cnnzy?! He afways more invitations rhan he can accepr. impossible pin down. 98 .You MpeNI'u Nor LAzv. The to notion of commitment to goalsor a relationshipis incomprehensible to Chris.After an initial burst of energy. He just wants to have fun and is mystifiedwhenother people feel betrayed his broken promises by He disappoints bosses coworkersaswell asfriends. After an initial periodof an intenseconnection. His work becomes sloppyand careless.His high energy and level and intelligencegenerate expectations superiorjob perfo for r. Chris typically becomes bored with a project and loses motivation. has The ease with which he connectswith peoplepromises intimacy that never materian alizes.

heedless our responsiof bilities and our impact on other people. becoming lifers in the Acadnmy Space CaABts! for Seanis 37 yearsold and has joined the academy. obliviousto the world aroundhim. writing. \Uhen he wassingle.however. they find that Chris has moved on.He spends days his daydreaming. they can becomedisorientedand forgetful. The Space Cadet It isn't uncommon for ADD adults to saythey are spacey. Chris believes.TUENor So FrNrAnr Or CoprNc Loversget similar treatment.Some of us.settle too comfortablyinto waking dreamstates. \7hen we'rebom. The women hurt by his "love 'em and leave'em" lifestylefeel usedand abused.his lifestylewasn'ta problem. however.Seantakeslittle notice of practicalities.But now he'smarriedand has 99 . Chris is an adult by virtue of his chronologicalagebut he hasn't developedpsychologically emotionallybeyonda child of t7. All of us operateon the pleasure principle to a certain extent.He earns meager wages a writer but doesn'tworry because as material things are of no consequence him. is a gentle soul He with a fanciful imagination and a gift for poetry. \il/hen they begin to make demandsfor a more committed relationship.he Peoplewith ADD often have many childlike qualities. to He doeshis own thing. lifelongsense A of playfulness an ability to take risksare delightful qualities.that he'sjust operaringunder a different set of rules. gain awareness our responsibilities others. can drift mindlessly through life. we can begin to resemble '!7e Chris.The we of to psychologically healthy adult leamsto strike a balancebetweenher needsand the needsof the peoplein her world. PeterPan. we grow and are socialized family As bV and society. we'revirtual bundlesof wants and needswithout any sense of peopleoutsideourselves.But if and we allow our essential nature to have free rein.He lives accordingto the pleasure principle and its primary goal of maximizingpleasure and minimizing pain. Similar to or just don'twannagrowup. and having long philosophicalconversations with his cronies. \Uhen the mental fog descends.

but lets them run amok after hours.Seanmakeslittle effiortto rune in to the world around him. It's okay to retreatto a dreamworld when you have only yourselfto consider. He tries to do wharever they ask of him-that is. The varied dutiesand details of family life totally escape him. At work shespends much time as asshe can get awaywith. Even though Sean'sADD can't be cured. The Party Animal The Party Anima|lives for the weekend. dog while he " sits and daydreams. She'sterrified that the toddler would poison herselfright under her daddy'slessthan watchful eye.doing her nails and dreamingabout winning the lottery.It's a different story entirely when you're responsible a for family and the welfareof young children.qzy.he could work harderto shoulderhis responsibilities.Seanisn't callouslyallowing his wife to work iik. She reluctantlycontrolsher impulsiveand hedonistic tendencies enoughto eam a living. short of getting into big trouble.He never serour to dump all the responsibilityin his wife's lap but that's effectively what has happened. Unlesssomeone demands attention. She wearsa bored expression and frequenrlyyawnswhen people talk 100 . Seanmay not be a manipulativeuserbut he certainly isn't off the hook. chatting on rhe phone with friends. Sean's wife is exhaustedand at her wit's end trying to cope single-handedly with the largefamily. He playswith the kids when he wakesup long enough ro norice rhem but his wife rarely leaveshim alone with them.They cut loosewheneverthey can. doesn't He euennotice. She is an ADD adult in her late '20'swho works job full time at a secretarial sheabsolutely hates. Right now he's too comfortablein the fog that obscures things he shouldworry about. You may know Ginny.enduring the work week that paysfor her fun. Someadultswith ADD don'r even rry ro curb their impulsivity. when they manageto caprurehis arrenrion! Sadly. SruproOn Cnnzy?l four children. Sean is alwayspleasant and soft spokenwith his spouse and children.She doesn'rdo anything about changingher work situation.because thinks she all lobs are probablyequallyboring. he'sconrent to spendtime his drifting on his own mental clouds.You MrnN I'u Nor L. however.

Ginny has been feeling a to little uneasyabout her lifestyle-one of her friendsrecently testedpos. sooner Ginny may besingrng .Friendsher own ageare settling down to careergoalsand and families.She getsmore than a little smashed she flirts her way around the room. of Her weekendis an endless round of sex. than shethinks. hasn't apparentlyheard she about safesex or the joys of sobriety. She spendsa good chunk of her paycheckon clothes and most of her free time on shoppingand scopingout the latest dancesand fads. After the happy hour.Despite her talent for tracking current fashions. Ginny as you wouldn't even recognize. Her partying crowd seems be getting younger to younger. isn't only empry It but downright dangerous this ageof deadlydiseases rampant in and drug problems. the handson the clock point to 5:00 p. we At 27 yearsold. Lately. .shehits several HaPPyHours with a group of partying friends. Jeffhas a serious caseof Emononal Inconnnence. Ginny has never had trouble finding other Party Animnls. She bidesher time.Stayingreasonably calm can be a full time job! Unlesswe want other peopleto write us off as immature or crazyr have to expend the effort. tums into someone Her routine follows the samepattem everyweek. we have a hard time modulatingour erratic moods. Ginny and her friendsgo out dancingand usuallyclosethe placedown. however. Nonstop partying is a lifestylethat beginsto look pathetic asthe years go by and the expectedsettling down never happens.TUENor So FINE Anr Or CoprNc to her.uncontrolledemotionaloutput. "The Party'sOver".First. making only brief as contactswith individual men.dancing and anything elsethat seems be fun.drugs. As ADDers.ffi. counting off the daysuntil the glorious TGIF! On Fridays.She has a great sense fun and enough energyto get any party off the ground. itive for the HIV virus.. He 101 . Emotional Incontinence This behaviordoesn'thave anything to do with bodily functions! Rathet it is rampant.

She alsohas a bad caseof incontinence but hers is VerbalInconnnence.You MEaNI'u Nor Lnzy. She isn't a viciousback-stabber.SruproOn Cnezyl! doesn'tmake any effort to control his extremeups and downs. everyonefearsthe effectsof her loosetongue.Peoplelike Jeffwho don't control their emotional output run the risk of becomingcaricatures themselves. They ffeat him asa child who lacksrestraint. They view his rages the pathetic tantmms of a young child. of The Blabber M"ry is Jeff'scloserelative. aswell. able giddiness. Sadly.Emotional expression greater has impact asit becomes more inlsn5g-but only to a point! Dramacan quickly deteriorateinto melodrama. more is definitely socialsituationsbeyondhis home. has lost more than one job because his temperand is close He of to losinghis secondwife.Acquaintances him on the head asthey quickly pat dismiss him. sinking into gloom or becominginfectedwith unreason. pathy.quickly learnedto keep their distancewhen they discovered that M"ry talked asmuch asshe listened! Now. In Jeff'scase. But she t07 . colleagues her have dubbedher TyphoidMary.Jeffdoesn'thave any impact at all. The members his householdfeel exhausted of and tense.60 year old Mary easilymadefriends with coworkers. Although her official title is "Manager of Order Processing". They can count on hearing the latest office dirt from Mary who has assumed responsibilityfor broadcasting everyone's confidential information. They depletetheir energyreserves they try to cope with his moodas iness.Her new friends. RrnnorDistnbutionMannger. however. Other peoplesizehim up quickly and decidenot ro take him seriously. truly caresabout her colleagues She and wantsto lend a listeningear when they have problems.The atmosphere his houseis alwaysrhick with the fallour from his latest in mood. !7ith her warmth. cowering from his rages. His family ridesthe roller coaster alongwith him. good listening skills and grandmotherlymanner. as They ignore his great ideasbecause alwaysexpresses he them in an embarrassing outpouringof enthusiasm.evoking laughter rather than em.

barren landscape.Now that he'sa 43 yearold adult. In similar fashion.tly of his goals his and takeslittle notice of the peoplehe shoves asidero reachtheir. Many of us do an amazingly wonderfullob of coping with symptoms the ADD we neve.someADDers bulld"oze their way through their li. he seems ruthlessand cold ashe continuesto bulldozehis way over other people's feelings. can't understandwhy others are upsetwhen she shares she their secrets. ADDers come in an usort*"rrt of packages. Richard really doesn'tget it at all. of knew we had! ".From his earliesr days. Please thevf The Bulldozer A bulldozeris a well-designed pieceof machinery. Lacking an understanding their deficits. He doesn'tunderstand why peopleseemto avoid him. short order.THr Nor So FrNrAnr Or CoprNc fails to reflect on the confidentiality of sharedinformation and indiscriminately and inappropriately distribwes rumors .many ADDers feel comof pelled to spendinordinaretime and energytrying ro pass normal. He'sobliviousto rhe impact of his forceful nature and is honestly puzzled when orherskeep him at arm's length. the negatives ADD comprise that of only one dimension of the disorder. Richard'smother says wasborn with a will of iron and a voice that he could shatterglass with a whisper. Mary the human raceis just one big huppyfamily and To familiesdon't keepsecrers from eachorher..res. There are differences specificsymproms in and in the wayseachofirs manages thesedifferences.r".it can In transforman acreof tree-covered land to a flattened. Throughout childhood.ivl" and it has left him with an empty life. leavinglittle untouchedor unharmed. At h9 pushes way through life. he'sawareo.he made ryeryone in the householddanceto rhe tune of his angry cries. he went directly for anything he wanted and shovedanybodyasidewho gor in his way. is successful business lives in a He in but lonely world. as 103 .This is Richard's. The angryreactionsthat greether newscontinually surprise her. Since shehasno qualmsabout sharingher own deepest secrers with total strangers.

Even when a diagnosis hyperactivitywasmadein childhood. \7e have never consideredour behaviors as assymptoms and haven't analyzed coping strategies defense our Lacking knowledgeabout mechanisms to hide inadequacy.r Nor L.!7e work hard at hiding our differences. many of our readers it Although there isn't anything magicalabout a diagnosis.many of us with ADD can passasnormal (whatever normal means).we resignourselves the "truth" of the assumptions madeabout us-we are indeedlazy. the prescriptionwasfor Ritalin and patience. In similar fashion."Thke this pill twice a day. Even if you feel fairly initial stepin changingfaulty self-perceptions.sheusuallyattributedit to a poor motivation or a dysfunctional of family. of In the next chapterwe'll look at the process a diagnosticevaluation information that can help you make somedecisionsabout and share the accessing help. The fact is."Someof us have beenwaiting a very long time for this miraculouschangeto occur! at have never been evaluated all. We can idensuccesstify with the adultsin this chapterwho have beensomewhat ful in their effortsbut who have paid dearly for fitting in. in We spend ow hiues fear.stupidor crazy! If a parent or teachersuspected problem. who feelinglike A recurring theme throughout the vignettes is the importanceof facing one'sbehaviorsand honestlyevaluatingthem. Many of squarely us.have spentlifetimeswondering why we do the things we do. With a long history of discrimination in this country. SruptoOn Cnezv?! This is a term we've borrowedfrom Afro-American history. developed to the role ADD playsin our lives. it isn't surprisingthat somelighter skinnedBlacksmanaged their lives by pretendingthey werewhite. diagnosticevaluationof this 104 . is a vital.+zv.alongwith the peoplein our lives.You MEaNI'rr. you owe it to yourselfto have a complete certain that evaluation.and wait until you outgrowyour hyperactivity in adolescence. As you may guess.Monday through Fridayduring the schoolyear. out impostors willbe found" at anymoment. you have ADD.

So.Tur Nor So FINE Anr Or CoprNc ADD adultsis lesswell definedthan that of children. you'll need to proceedwith caution in finding the professional you'll work with in this important part of your recovery. 105 .

not physical.I HAUE ADD DO WHAT I DONOW? Tn. A throat culture uncoversa strep infection and the patient takesa round of antibiotics and goeson his way.if not most of us. not the symptom of disorder. who are "chips off the old block". comesfrom readingan ADDer's life story that It could be our autobiography.Most of theseadultssaythey waited a while beforeseeking fessional help to confirm their self-diagnoses. They usedthis time to 106 . are with ADD.I THINK. Often.the initial discovery ADD doesn'tcome of from a professional.Crteprgn 6 I KNOW... comesfrom talking with a friend whose It descriptionof his ADD sounds remarkablysimilar to our own behaviors.He viewshis medicalcareasa relatively simple process: Symptom s-me dicaI tests-diagno sis.Many peopleview behaviorasthe cause. It comeswhen our children. the process never even beginsbecause symptoms behavthe are ioral. usuallygoessomethinglike this: It Behavi s-f aulty as or swnpnons-blnme-pwti shmentPOOR PROGNOSISJ For many.A few dayslater he feelsgreat.treatment-C URE J The process uncoveringADD is considerably of more complicated... diagnosis treatmentof a gardenvariety illnessis fairly straightand forward.He has come to expectthat powerfulantibioticswill quickly and easilyfix his illness. diagnosed Adults in supportgroupstalk of learning about their ADD in all these proways.

informal referralnetwork. sureto request follow-up apbe a pointment to discuss resultsof your testing.many resorted readingthe predominantlychild oriented to literature.h.don't hesitatero go on to the next professional your list. Part of vl.. After the evaluationis completed. lfhen you're readyto proceedwith an evaluation. You need to proceedcarefully because many good therapists have little knowledg. be an informed consumer.first meer with the mental health professional you have chosen. You on may be fortunate to locate an ADD adult supportgroup that can be an invaluable."r yor'rlllneedl recommendthat you conracrthe nearest chapterof an ADD supgroup.referto the resource in the appendix. Your Job as a Mental Health Consumer If you are beginning a similar process self-discovery of your first responsibiliry is to thoroughlyeducate yourselfabout this disorder.askasmany questions you want. self-education should include leaming about the professional resources in your community. Unable to find much informarion aboutADD in adults.rt \fhen you. Ifyou aren't comfortable as with him after your initial meeting.I KNow. list Rememberthat you are the customerand a consumerof mental health services. For help in locating a group in your area.Make surethat you askfor namesof professionals who are competentin diagnosing and treating adults.l TurN<.I HevpADD-WHnI Do I Do Now? readaboutADD and to examinetheir lives to seeif the information fit their experiences.r.If you don'r speiifically the ask.the professional may just senda highly t". To you need to do your homework beforeyou make ygul first appointment."l report ro you or your psychiatrist. 'We 107 .The gloyp can give you a list of ADD informed professionPgrt als in your area. Your mental health is too important to entrust on to someone you don't think understands your issues.Also askyour local organization put you in touch with other ADD adultswho can tell to you about their experiences with professionals the referrallist. "to..ti. you shouldn't yory firys9rt tlv walkingthloughthe yellow pagesof dD 4t the phone book to find the servi... ADD.

The Diagnostic Evaluation ask Parents sometimes how they shouldpreparetheir children for the medicalteststhat will be part of the diagnosticprocess-the blood questionsincethesetesting This is a reasonable testsand brain scans. Clinical Psychologist..D.. A or Cognitive Psychology.this won't be included in the diagattention deficit disorderin an adult. Cognitive Psychologist. neurologistwho is a medical doctor.the diagnostic somephysicians will This professional be evaluationis usuallydone by u psychologist. If you have had limited experience you may find a confusingarrayof titles: Ed.D. neurological your mental health professional make recomwill After the diagnosis.D.You can chooseany ADD informed professional subsequent non-medicaltreatmentbut you must consultwith a psychiatrist(Mn1 will prescribe and monitor medifor drug treatment.D. you may alsobe If you haven't gone through the evaluationprocess wonderingwhat to expectduring the testing. Educational Neuropsychology.Although and fall into two broad categories: (psychiatrists) in have expertise testing.You MEnNI'u Nor Lezv.A neurological disorderor other specific of exceptin cases a seizure ually unnecessary problems. the very thought of testsmav strike terror in vour heart! 108 .Psychiatrist Psychologist. Neurologist. Ph.The specialties psyEhologists physicians.M.. But a brief clarification It really isn't quite asconfusingas it appears! may of the role of thesevariousprofessionals be in order. procedures often part of a medicaldiagnosis. solrleevaluation.Sruproon Cnazv?! Psychologist or Psychiatrist What's the Difference? with the mental health profession. from the field of Clinical ustimes doesthe evaluation. Although blood tests are used work-upsare sometimes aren't included. Neuropsychologist. mendationsabout treatment options and may refer you to someone for else.Psy. In general.The psychiatrist or cation in concertwith your psychologist aspart of his own overall treatmentplan for you.however.extensiveneurological with ADD children.After all. nostic evaluationof a suspected yet. Educational Psychologist.

your doctor reduces margin of error by his confirming his diagnosis with the X.I KNow.l THrr..l HnvpADD-WHnI Do I Do Now? .. v 2 rv2 r' I t o a (J \ Tests-aren't those things always the we failedlt Well. 109 ..rx. but that'sokay.Eachpsychologist uses slightly differentbatteryof testsfrom a numberof available a choices. of The psychologist usesthe test resultsin much the sameway your physician uses chestX-ray to confirm his diagnosis your pneumonia.ray. won't have to cram for thesetestsand You we can't even tell you exactlywhich onesto expect. you may "fail" someof thesetoo.The testswill be usedfor the right reasons-for knowledgeand discoveryof your strengthsand weaknesses. Your psychologist will evaluatethe resultsof theseteststo confirm what he has leamed from the history of your problemsand his observations your behavior.. a of Although your physicalexaminationand reportedcomplaintsmay stronglysuggest pneumonia.

mental health professionals often rely on educationaland psychological testing.They provide a more unbiased. You should ask questionsabout why certain testswere used.You must also and the positive have a clear understanding your unique strengths of you compensatory strategies alreadyuse. You can expect to leavewith specificinformation about your individual strengthsand weaknesses a frameworkof and treatmentoptions.Sruproon Cnazy?! Since there are no lab testsavailableto confirm the ADD diagnosis. If you leave this meeting armedonly with your checklist of deficits. Understanding Your Diagnosis Your follow-up appointmentshouldbe a detailed. No two ADD peopleare alike.You MrnN I'rrr Nor Lezy. for clarification ask test.You must becomean active participant in your treatment. objectivemethod of diagnosis than observation and history alone.working with your physicianor psychologist to problem-solve.fact-findingmission. a flexible. or If your mental health professional becomes defensive patsyou on 'We've find a new one! the headwhen you askquestions offer ideas. is magicformula the physiciancan useto determinein advancethe medicine that will work bestfor you.experimentalapproachto treatment is's essential that you establish partnershipwith your physician. If you'regoing to usemedicinein your treatment.\Uhen your psychologist if he uses termsyou don't understand. Since information about adult ADD is limited. After the Diagnosis-Your Role in Tireatment The homework you did in locating your mental health professional will pay dividendsasyou begin'll have only half the information you need. or in been contactedbv adultswho can't find informed professionals 110 .Finding the right media There isn't any cation and dosage generallya trial and error process. You can't expectto leavethis meetingwith all the tools you'll need to manageyour ADD.what they measured how you compared with the normal rangefor a particular and explainsyour results. You shoulduseyour follow-up meeting to leam asmuch asyou can about your unique neuropsychological profile.

find sometime for yourself and look squarelyar y_our ADD.\fe just want you to be prepared so you can plan and avoid rude financial shocks. You are worth the price even if it melr.l TnrNr. you do now is take a deepbreath. 111 . Somespecifically excludeADD from coverage.. if the b"illfor testing in is too largeto pay at one time.. or feel fairly certain that an Attention Deficit you know you werebom with Disorderis at the root of your problems.Somedon't cover or only partially cover psychological services.kipping your summervacation this may be able to work out a paymentschedule advan.. In a later sectionyelll talk specificallyaboutvariousrreatmentoptions for ADD adults.. Before committing to testingor treatment.I KNow. \7e firmly beiievethat you arecapableof helping yourselfand we want to help you leam how to do it.Although professional help will likely be an important part of your treatment.we want to focuspiimarily on self-helpwhich is the guiding principle of this book. Carefullyscrutinize your insurance policy.r .The testingprocess time consumingand can rapidly run up a largebillis the fee for psychological testing. \7e don't want to discourage you from may have to seekour someone who is willing to leam! The Practical side of Evaluation and TreatmentWhat's it Going to Costl This discussion wouldn't be completewithout a word about cost. ryHAr Do you Do No\r t so \7ltq. You know you've learnedvarious notsogreat wavs coping of with them. It is inseparable from who you are.eking a diagnosisand treatment. W.lHnvr ADD-\UHaIDo I Do Now? their areas. the deficits and grew up with them. Getting Down To Work Okay.askabout approximate costsand waysto cut cornersif you are uninsuredor on a tight budget."n rurrge from $+OO to$1500. should you find in _yourself a similar situation. You know you're different from someonewithout ADD.lrat you do now is decide that you are worth all the work it will take to recover. so you know.

b)to regain losses) for. WorldDictionary theAmericanlangrage. of you do now.) consciousness. composure. of (oneself)from stumble. specificguidelines 'SUe that requiresa enough that recoveryis a process can't emphasize lot of work. oneself-this is getbackconwol udbalance. compensate. tn . betrayalfeeling.) 1. of back 3. You must commit yourselfto believing that you are worth all the work it will take to recover. etc. etc. up 2. to compensate make for(torecover etc. It isn't somethingthat will magicallyhappenafter you read this book. a slip. Sruptoon Cnnzv?! You MenNI't'.' Recover: (something stolen.Nor Ll'zv. a)to get(oneself) toa state control..t . balance. The remainderof this book is about this process what practical and offer recovery. saqJe To regain. lost.\7e'11move from the theoretical to the that and suggestions can make recoverypossible. etc. of Neu. a)togetback (health. or b)tocatch save 1980 SimonandShuster.

offer to and so many talentsto discover!Let'sget startedand take a look at someimportant issues you'll need to consider.\7e grew up thinking we just weren't assmart. If more rime and energywere spent developing the unique abilitiesof all people. doesn'tquite work that way. You mus! ray good-byeto your old self-image.? ADD is inseparable If from you are. Now that you know you have ADD. As you learn to help yourself.right?\7e11.?Disorder. we of never knowing it wasthere.. thal it. trying to figure out who you'll be rt3 .You won't be sorry. The vaguefeeling you've alwiys had that somethingwaswrong has been confirmed and given a name.l HnvEADD-\fHnr Do I Do Now? If you'restill reading.competentor valuableasother must never focusmore on your disabilitiesthan the total personyou are. We made rhis observarionat the outsetbut what doesit really mean?ADD is an acronymfor Attention Deficit totally ignore your differences.. whareverthat may have been and admit that your problemswon'r go awayby changingyour job. ADD is inseparable from who you are. it You may know intellectuallythat you have ADD.You have so muctr..It's a mistake. Grapplingwith that knowledgeon an emotional level.however. however. If socieryhas leamedanything are from the effortsof the physicallydisabledto gain equal access. The tricky thing for ADD adults is that maLy oj us grgw up never knowing we had a disability.we would have a more productive a very different and difficult proposition: It is o task of truly accepting thnt you (nen't perfect..ADD is inseparablefrom who we are because forgedour senses self arotrndit. Most of us haven't grown up with the benefit of knowing we had a handicap... your friends or your spouse. it should be easyto make a recipe to rum out a grearperson. Deficit.l Tunr..s we are all peoplefirst.we can assume that you'vemadethis important commitment to yourself.I KNow.doesthis mean that disabilityis your only dimensionl *h-to Absolutelynot! Your differences -onlyone part of you. What a scaryplace to be-in adulthood.

my in constant KK: "When I went through psychotherapy my felt different. This requirescourage that and time. r1. however. It requires working through a process self-acceptance of grieving. bargainof ing and depression. Since I couldn't go to collegeand do much of anything elseat the sametime.Sruprnon Cnnzv?! when you grow up. It offersa wonderful opportunity to take control of your life by looking squarelyat your limits and growing beyondthem. \What to feel like impostors a reliefl '20's. I wonderedif they had somesecretto a which I wasn'tprivy or if they managed accomplish lot at the exto penseof their families.but: Qrieving has to be the beginning of your self-discaeery. You may of not have thought of your ADD in this way. knew something waswrong and now we have the test resultsto prove it. Grief-The Shock of Recognition The diagnosisis often both a punch in the stomachand a vindication 'We of yearsof struggleand feelingsof inadequacy. Your newly acquiredself-knowledge may be scarybut it's alsoliberating. never hurts. when we lose a part of our psychological including an alterationin our self-concept.unableto figure out how they could so easilymanagethe things I sweated over.denial.4 . We don't have in fear of being found out. regroupand rethink your progress sincerecoveryis an ongoingprocess. anger. I assumed to that I wastoo self-indulgent acceptthe challenges. I alwaysstruggledwith comparingmytheme was that I self to other people. beginswith \fhen a loved one dieswe can't move on with our lives until we have grievedand moved through the stages shock.You MpnNI'v Nor Lnzv. Similarly. must grievethe we selves lost sense self beforewe can work on building a new one.You may alreadyhave moved Let'stake a look at how the process It through someof the stages.I didn't know that it wasjust easier other people. I assumed that being a studentmeant giving up everything for outsideschool.

The diagnosis alone didn't undo yearsof silent pain bur gaveme a reality I could useto work on readjustingmy self-image. Accompanying the relief wasthe hope that I could be fixed now that I finally understood basis my problems.The only personwho knew I wasa failure wasme.rp to that point.. of Having ADD meanr that I wasn'tbad.I KNow. could stop filtering my acI complishmentsthrough the expectationsI basedon comparisons to others. To this day. Leaming at 39 that I had ADD didn't miraculouslyfree me from my impairedsense seli but it offereda peaceI had never known before. of It wasa relief to know." the for PR: "l alwaysstruggled silently with my deficits. wasnothing as it comparedto the boost of my changing view of myselfas a heroically struggling adult.l HnvEADD-'ilUunr I Do Now? Do \7hen I wasdiagnosed with ADD. 115 . at leastin my intellectualself. Rogerhit a tree when he wassledding and died the next moming. The mid-life crisisI had beenworking on resolveditself when I sheda positive light on the life I had lived . I beganto feel lessapologeticfor my shortcomingsand more deserving of help and understanding. The peoplein my life didn't destroyme. struggles My camefrom deficitsover which I had no control. And he had to die! I knew that it shouldhave beenme.. He wasso perfect.It meant that I could look at my life through different colored lenses...I beganto marvel at all I had managed do in spite of a sigto nificant disability.that my feelings had a basis.Neither my grades in school nor any of my relationshipsever sufferedoutwardly. I destroyed myselfwith inrense feelingsof inadequacy. No one ever knew how I felt.l THrNr. the relief wasenormous-l was finally able to make sense my struggles. Although I had gainedpositiveself-esteem a resultof psychotherapy. I wasso imperfect. Perhapsthe worst period in my life waswhen my little brother died. He wasonly 10 yearsold and indisputably the perfect child in my family. It wasan incredibleburden.unmotivatedor stubborn. parenrsdon't know how I agonized over screwingthis one up by not being rhe one who died. I was 14 yearsold and into driving my parenrs crazy with my adolescent stuff.

It's not that sherejectsthe reality of her disorder. of motiuation poorcharacter?" lack or "WhJ didn't somebody believe me?" in "WhJ did ewerybody &ssLlme worst-that I just wasn'ttrying the hardenough?" "Why was I misunderstood reprimanded and whenI was uying my lteartout?" "Why did all those pretendto know more mentalheahhprofessionals " tlwn theyreallydid? 'We may feel furious at the people in our lives who failed to recognize 'We our deficits.\7e might. Denial can take several forms.After an initial sense anger." Grief: Anger-"Why Me?" The initial smgeof relief and euphoriaoften givesway ro a period of anger. still feel that if only our parents we had loved and respected enough.But somehow. us They should have known our problemswere real.announceto rt6 .The diagnosisthat freesus from faulty assumptions beginsto feel like an unbearable burden. Grief: Denial-Not Me! Remember Donna?She struggles with her inability to move beyond the intellectunl knowledgeof her ADD to the emotionel knowledge. wonderingwhy we ever wasted our money on the evaluation. She simply deniesits impact on her life. We are imperfect and it just isn't fair! "Why me?Why did I haueto be born thisway?" "Why did everyone-parents.they would have figuredit out. dfficultieson depression.Sruprpon Cnnzy?! I wish my brother hadn't died but I've been ableto alter my perspectives of his life and mine. Factsdon't lie. understandthat no one knew much about ADD ten or twenty yearsago. asDonna does. teacherstherapists-blamemy . \7e often begin to feel helpless and victimized. of we might decideto reject the diagnosis.You MEaNI'v Nor Lnzy. His death just happenedand I finally believethat it's okay that it wasn't me instead. Neither of us had more value than the other.

..We move into this new phaseof our lives with rosy fantasies how with the help of our local pharmacyr can conquer of we the world. this At early stagein the process recovery we don't recognize facereof the flecting back to us in the mirror: "Th.' . . Regardless the brand of denial we chooseduring this stage. \7e might take the medication with the mistakenbelief that we have found the cure for our problems..l Hnvr ADD-!7unr Do I Do Now? friends that we have ADD but then not seektreatment. / . \7e might pick up our prescriptionfor Ritalin but never useit. We needtime to process our new knowledgeand confront ourselves with our weaknesses. I andl'm not readyto figne out who it reallyis.atisn'tthe person usedto be. aren't of we dealingyet with the reality of our ADD.l TurNx." / ' z ..I KNow./'.

adults. 'We promiseourselves work diligently at pursuingthe right doseof to medication. we aren't But fixed. whole world A opensup asthe medication helps us emergefrom lifelong fogt.The deal goes somethinglike this: "lf I'm really good. Our diagnosis vindicatesus from the invalid assumptions peoplehave madeabout'll give me back what I've lost.we resent As having to relive the identity crisisof adolescence.Our improvedability to pay attention makesus increasinglyawareof our mistakes.Sruproon Cnnzy?! Bargaining-It Can All Be Fixed As we begin to makesense everything. may not have We 118 ." For many ADD adults the bargainingis around medication that often bringsat leastinitially dramatic.we bargainwith God or fate of to forestallfacing the inescapable fact of our disorder. Sights and soundsthat had previouslydrifted by our conscious awareness are noticed for the first time. Our bargainingdoesn'twork but we'restill not readyto own our disorder. This strategyworks for a while until awareness growsthat maybethis isn't the answerto our problems.You MrnN I'u Nor Lnzy. \7e feel energized with a new sense purposeand feel calmer and happier. Reality Sinks In-Depression Our diagnosis supposed free. \7e grudginglyacknowledgethat our medicinehasn't curedthem. We begin to notice the drug'suneven symptomcontrol over the courseof the day and our decreased functioning when the drug is at a low level.not imprisonus.positivechanges.We'll be able to take responsibility our behaviors for and be like everybody else. of This new tool is a greatbargainingchip.When we find it.We still aren't ready to accept that we'll struggle with ADD for the rest of our lives. It doesn'tmakeus normal even though we promisedto do everythingright if only the Ritalin would fix us.But that'soften is to what happensat somepoint in our grief process. \7e are better organized and focused.\Ue'vespentour angerrailing about the injusticeand have taken a steptowardsdealingwith our symptoms. we know that our symptoms will go away.

threateningto undermineprogress.If I this problemwasinherited and biological. it wascompoundedby the growing certainty that my daughteralsohad ADD. I ruminatedabout all the things I couldn't do and all the times I had failed. For someADD adultsit retums periodically.... I put a lot so of energyinto carefullynurturing her self-esteem shewouldn't have that ADD wasat to go through what I did asa child.Hnvr ADD-Wunr Do I Do Now? I KNow. When I realized the root of many of my problems.. I relived eachpainful and 119 .l TutNx. I mixed us up in my mind during that time. ?c set KK: "When depression in. In my stateof gloom. At this point depression often setsin.there wasno escape.I wasfrightened for my daughter.I beganto think that shewasdoomedasI was. Tyrell wasmy bright hope for the future.l beendoing greatbeforebut at leastwe thought we knew who we were. agonizedover Tyrell'sfate and my own.

In the months that followed.broughrmy negativefeelingscrashing of down aroundme. This time it wasmine. and The discovery my ADD.Sruproon Cnazy?l humiliating experience from my past. I saidgood-bye many of my dreams.There wasrhe triple whammyof feeling to helpless a parent. here his But it wasagain-that damnedADD.'What awful cursehad I visited on my son?\7ould he alsocome ro someterrible end? Depression in with a vengeance. I constantly burst into tearsand innocent remarksset me off. I sat in church every Sundaytrying to hide the tears streaming down my face. I had given my son his name and I had an intense.Depression one of them. I alreadyknew that my rhen 8 year old son would never be okay. Four months pregnantwith a babygirl conceivedafter several yearsof infertility treatments.generallyincompetentand without hope for tle as future.You MraN I'v Nor Lazy.I sat in the psychologist's office. My diagnosisbrought this reasoningro a crashinghalt. Things really were that bad! I would never be okay. It wasa placeI had frequentlyvisited was during my life.My positiveattributesand accom. however. This stagewasmarked by extremefragility. This rime. I had often lived under a cloud of helplessness hopelessness. My feelings n0 . I Remember brother Roger? my \7ell. Jeremyabruptlyended.mentally checkingoff all the things he would never be able to do. I had previouslybeen able to pull myselfout of my black fogsby reasoning that things really weren'rthat bad. had previously set I resolved issues my aroundJeremy's deficitsand had accepted imperfections." PR: "The relief I felt after my diagnosis wasshort-lived. plishmentsceased exisr. I laughat it now but just hearing the word "memory"would bring tearsto my eyesbecause reminded it me of my deficits.I vividly recall the moment two yearsearlierwhen my fantasies about R. however. felt gut-wrenchingrerror for both my children. ro both the realisticand the unrealisticones.frighteningfeelingof deia vu.there wasno vagueness about my feelingsof wasreplaced with an assortmenr conflicring feelof ings.

" KK: "l don't remember exactlywhen the depression beganto lift. open spaces! figuredthat with my I family of four. PR: "One day last summera terrible thunderstormrocked our house and terrified my 4 yearold daughter. I was2 down. And so do we. \Uhen the going getsrough.Alison wasdumbstruckbecause had never seena rainbow. probably alwayshave more stormsthan rainbowsbut I know that I'11 goeswith the territory..After watching she it a while. I've thought often about that storm sinceAlison comfortedherself with the wonderof the resultantrainbows. my son and I. all we've got." Out of the Depths-ACCEPTANCE! you If you keepworking on the grief process. so we'd better make the most of limitless our lives.Those complexand beautifulrainbowssymbolized possibilities.Just when I wasgetting a handle on his self-destructive problems. Visualize whereyou'regoing-to a placewhere you will discoverand learn to useyour valuablegifts.Her feardisappeared. I climbed night..l Hevr ADD-WHaI Do I Do Now? and fearsabout both my son and myselfconverged into somepretty thoughts.It's hole again. With and of out of my deep..I did it twice and if I had to. It's within my grasp. didn't happenoverIt persistence a sense humor.I decidedI didn't like it in there-it wastoo dark and I'm into bright.I know that my joumey will be an uphill that strugglebut the rewardsare worth *y efforts.. I could do it again. It's real. will come to a new and place in your life. with 2 to go.l THrNr. she announcedthat shehoped we'd have another bad storm replaced soonso shecould seeanotherrainbow. wasfacedwith the reality of my own.I KNow. I u .I acceptmy son and 'We're myselfaswe are.\Uhen it finally ended there was the an incredibly beautiful double rainbow stretchingacross sky. with her child'soptimism. But I did it. I It wasn'teasyto move beyondmy depression. The stages you will go through are often difbetter ficult and painful but they're essential. don't get discouraged.It may be a cliche but my joumey through my own personalstorm has taught me to believe in the gold at the end of rainbow.

I wasalreadyusing my peopleskills in my teaching and nursing but realizedthat many of the routine detailsof my work werepainfully difficult for me. I would call it Airheals Anonymous.everythingfell in to place. I had deficits but they no longer defined who I was.althSughit wasn'treadilyapparentwhat it would be! I had been intenselyinterestedin ADD sincemy diagnosis and wanted to specialize it in someway. I decided to usemy risk-takingability to embarkon a new venrure. I liked the flexibility of teaching and enjoyedmenroring students but sensed that perhaps this wasn'tquite the right niche. r72 .I joked about starring a new kind of AA group for people like me. I wasa valuablepersonwith a disability. Understanding that I wasn'tto blamefor the way I was. Coming to terms with my ADD meanr spendingfar lesstime and en. I reasoned that if I could make it without any help during my childhood.Th"y took their rightful placeasone dimensionof a multi-dimensional person.ggy to join me in this venrure. I'v Srupro Cnnzy?! on know one sign of my emergence from gloom and doom wasregaining the abiliry to laugh at myself. This book would be the perfect work choice for me. I wrestled with the issue securityvs.I decidedro write this book and askedP. Tyretl could do even better with support. The months that followed were exciting and productive as I evaluated variouscareeroptions. ergyhiding my deficits. I wassurethat I would of eventually find what I waslooking for.I just didn't know what direction to in take.relievedme of the guilt I had lived with for so long. With my newfound sense inner strength. !7hen the answercame.It became clear that I had a gift for writing and an ability to understand and connectwith people.The project had my name on itl I knew there were millions of peoplesffugglingwith ADD and that there waslimited help availablefor them.I beganto feel more confident about my parenting skills and becamelessanxiousabout my daughter's future. I wasfinally free to take chargeof my life and realisticallyassess ir.I concentratedon understanding rhem without being consumedbv them. optimally usingmy interests of and talents.YouMEeu Nor Lezy.

considerthe following quote by Cathy Better of Reistertown.relishthe taste itsfreedom.. savorthefragranceof you formulate the questionsyou need to ask asyou take responsibilityfor your recovery.Maryland. into Vle can sculptour enstence somethingbeautiful. 24 Rwt your handsalongthe spineof thoseprecious hows in andfeel the suength the sinewutd bone. a perfectjob! Life still has its upsand downsbut I feel that I'm living it more fully now than I ever could have beforethis journey. however. want to help you discoveryour hidden strengthsand talents and celebrate the personyou are. 17. another Why wasteit on self-pity.We are artisans.Insteadof hiding my weaknesses working at things that are wrong for me.l HavpADD-Wunr Do I Do Now? I had impeccable credentials-who could know ADD better than variedbacksomeone who lived with it? I could usemy experiences. As you continue on your personaljourney of recovery. Eachday that we awakeis a new start.I KNow. we will offer a frameworkyou The can useto maximizeyour abilitiesand minimizeyour disabilities.slothand selfishnessl of RoIIthnt dny arowrd on yo1.4r tongue.. '!7e We don't presumeto have all the answers. I can now or celebrate gifts. It appeared and is an empoweringaffirmation in the Commwtity Timesnewspaper availableto you with hard work and a deepcomof the possibilities mitment to yourself. groundin educationand mental health and my peopleand writing What skills to work at somethingin which I wasintenselyinterested. it or debase into ugliness.l THrNr. clwnce.. 'We focuswill be on what you can do rather than what you can't do.We shareyour pain and your hope because are strugwe gling alongside you. It's in our hands. Breathe deeplyof the morningair.. can. Life is raw material.3 ." my In the remaining chaptersof this book.

rr- Cnapren 7 About Balance.high wire acrs. One of life'slittle joys is a balancedcheckbook. crepancy-that it's easierto acceptthe balanceyour bank says you have? "The ADDer's Precarious High Wire Act" r74 .cars. ADD and recovery? lfell. Toyofasl Porsches Circus Wires.AA.How many times do you decidethat it isn't worth trying to figureout rhe dis. Balancemay be somethingyou only think about at the end of the month when your bank shtement comes. theTwelve High and Steps Alcoholics of Anonymous Dia we get your attention?Are you wondering about the connecrion betweenbalance.This doesn'rhappen nearly often enough. there is a connection and it's an important place to start learning how to effectively manageyour ADD.

PoRscurs. a divorce. What is It's balance? a generalconcept. n5 .Sincehaving ADD means that her basicnature is at war with itsell her life can indeedbe a High Wire Act! Achievement and Less Tangible Goals: There are many waysfor an ADDer to losethe balancein her life.r-vn Sreps Or AlcoHolrcs ANoNyl. creativeand impulsiveADD adult who is often driven to get involved in more than shecan handle. it's often the startingpoint for a new and better life. lesstangiblegoalsis a critical balancingact. For somealcoholics. lives routinizedinto dullnessby too much regimentationdon't provide sufficientchallenge. rock bottom is getting a DUI citation. Unlike peoplewho react to this pressure with mild stress is a string of DUI's. The delicatebalancebetween achievement and other. coursethis is often a first.similarto freedomor success. The paradoxis of an enthusiastic. unemploymentand hitting skid row. achievingbalancein our lives is critical and considerably more difficult to achievethan balancein our checkbooks. essenOf tial steptowardrecovery. For others.rous As ADDers. We ADDers often balk at the structurewe desperately need. Thesedaysit seems that many feople feel they live on fast-moving treadmillsthat lack off switches.A tendencyto becomeeasilyover-stimulated meansthat chaotic lifestyles can get us into trouble.Let'sfind out how balanceissues have an impact on the lives of ADD adults. CtRcus HrcH \7rRrs. Falling apartcan be the equivalentof an alcoholichitting "rock bottom". many of us alsoneed a properbalanceof structureand freedom.On the other hand. Careers up family time and escaeat lating demands createpressure cookerenvironments. As awful asrock bottom may seem at the time for an alcoholic or an ADDer. Warning-It's Very Easy for an ADDer to Lose Her Balance! ADD folk have nervoussystems that are erratic and poorly regulated.ToyorAS. ADDers can fall apartcompletely. Rapid thoughtsand an excitablenature are at oddswith a central nervoussystem that can't handle too much input. Structure and Freedom: To keep ourselves from falling off our high wire. It beginsthe recoveryprocess because its awfulness forcesthe personto make somechanges. ANn THe Twr. each that of us definesindividually.Aeour BaI-nNcE.

work and challenges? Hyperactivity vs. Euphoria Are your moodsout of balancewith too much sadness excessive or happiness? you swingbetweentheserwo extremes? Do '!7e rz6 . Hypoactivity Are you so active that you drive others crazy do you vegetate or most of the time?This includessleepand restpattemsaswell as daily activity levels. Activity Levels.The challengeis to establish balancethat offersorderwitha out stifling creativity. Play Do you tend to get over-involved in one or the other and have trouble shifting gears ? Your Needs vs. you have troublekeeping do track of details? Depression vs.or do you tend to focuson the gestaltor whole picture?If you focuson big picrures.g. Others' Are you obliviousto the feelingsand points of view of othersor do you always put yourselfdeadlast? Over vs.Adults are expectedto managetheir own lives. An ADDer tends ro excesses.SruproOn Cnnzy?! know that an ADD child needsextemally imposedstructurero thrive. Ways of ThinH. shecontinuesto need limits but an has to provide them for herself. noise. Global Thinkittg Do you get caughtup in too much detail unableto seethe forest for the trees. Her moodsswing up and down and her performanceis erratic. Emotions and Needs: ADD brainsand nervoussystems often out of balancewith behavior are swingingrapidly from one extreme to rhe other. The following list outlinessomeof thesebalanceissues that can cause you to loseyour footing on the high wire: Work vs.You MrnN I'v Nor Lnzy. \7hen shebecomes adult. Detailed vs. alternatingbetweenboutsof workaholismand sluggish inactivity. LJnderstimulation !: What is your optimal level of of many ADD adulm'bestattributes.

you may find yourself regularlyswingingerraticallyfrom one extremeto the other. ANo TnE TwEr-vp SrEps Op Ar-coHot-rcs ANoNvvrous The Value of Examining Balance Issues It's easyfor your balancein eachof theseareas becomeskewedin to either direction at differenttimes.Altemately. has to take especially good careof of she'll have to make on-goingadjustments. Having a well-balanced lifestyleis akin to taking good careof your car.Tovotasand Porsches? somerespects.Her non-ADD peersare more like the family Toyota.If you want to keepyour whole system in working order. this Toyotahas a more "even temperament.powerful.dynamic. Competenceand levelsof achievement have becomethe societalstandard that measures pera son'sworth and success life. Ctncus HtcH'WtnEs. She is spirited." is designed comfort.exciting and readyto go with the rapid acceleration an expensive of sportscar. Societyno longervalueschildren or the agedas it previously did. Ponscues.working on balanceis similar to continually tinkering with and tuning up your car. The point of examiningeachof theseareas that imbalancein any of them can is problems your mental health or family life. This philosophizing isn't just the wanderingof creativeminds but relatesdirectly to achievingbalancedlives.ADDers who recovermay well lead the rest of societyto a sanerway of life. 2 One of the bestwaysyou can do this is to work on achievingbalance in your life. A shockingnumberof children sink into poverty while stressed caregivers abuse many seniorcitizens.You have a unique opporruyour success nity to redesign model and get off the ctazy treadmill everyoneelseis subjects system lesswearand tear. ADD adult is designed In the like a Porsche. or disabilityhave beendevaluedbecause they don't "measureup".Aeour BalnNcE.If the ADD adult is to maintain and maximizethe high performance her Porsche. r27 . Thosewho are "unproductive"due to in age. cause for \Uhat's the connectionwe mentionedbetweenbalance.To usethe the to metaphoragain. With limitations they can't ignore. reliability and It for fuel efficiency. ToyorAS.Equallywell engineered.

carsand high wire acts.Made a decisionto tum our will and our lives over to the care of God aswe understood Him. to other human beingsthe and exact nature of our wrongs. Admitted to God.Now let'sconsiderthe last part of this chapter's titleAlcoholics Anonymous-as we move from generalconceptsro practical applications achievingbalancein your life. to's possible substitute to virtually any chronic problemor disability. 4. If you work at your recovery.Came to believethat a Powergrearerthan ourselves could restoreus to sanity. of Although this program specifically refersto alcohol and alcoholics.'ll realize of that you can't be all or do it all. in The Twelve Steps of A. 5. for How.'We admittedwe werepowerless over alcohol-thatbur lives had becomeunmanageable.Working progranmeansmaking the a commitment to follow rhe sreps daily life. to You can be at peacewith yourselfand your environmentwhile the rest of the world skyrockets out of control.A.the programis a systematic plan for acknowledging limitations to oneselfand others.You MreN I'v Nor Lazy. 7. you can useyour new self-knowledge designa life that really worksfor you.To's of Achieving Balance To help you get started. 'We've alreadytalked about the connectionbetweenbalance.making amends otherswheneverpossible to and coming to a greaterself-acceptance. Humbly askedHim to removeour shortcomings. Briefly. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 2.SruproOn Cnazy?! If you pay attention to the messages your body and soul.A variety of suppoftgroups have adoptedthis frameworkwhich is a soundprogramfor crearinga balancedlife. 6.'Wereentirely readyto have God removeall thesedefects of character.'a l. r28 .we're going to borrow the invaluableframework of the Twelqte Sreps '\boholics Anonymous.

and became we willing to make amendsto them all. Having had a spiritualawakeningasthe resultof theseSteps. Closelyrelatedto spiritualawareness integralto the programis and the issue morality and wrongdoing. TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN. The idea is to focuson something greaterthan ourselves and realizethat we c&n'tgo it totallyalone. Continued to take personalinventory and when we were wrong. praying only for knowledgeof His will for us and the power to carry that out. 9. The Twelqte Steps "God as we und"erstnndhim'i carefully talk about leaving the specificsto the individual.other ADDers) or the whole of mankind.The SerenityPrayersumsup this philosophy: GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE.Clncus HrcH'WIRES. ANn TUE TwElvr SrEpsOp Ar-coHolrcs ANoNyvous 8. we tried to carry this message alcoholics. I 1. Typically the alcoholismhas caused havoc in the lives of her friendsand family and shemust assume responsibility for her actions. Using The TWelve Steps for Your Personal Recovery from ADD The stepsareframedarounda central conceptof spiritualawareness that has relevance ADDers. can Spiritual awareness isn't specificto organized religion. 12. ToyorAS.Aeour BalaNcE.promptly admitted it. to and to practice theseprinciplesin all our affairs.this issue a of is critical part of her recovery. AND THE \TISDOM TO KNO\y THE DIFFERENCE. 10. except when to do so would injure them or others.This includesmaking amends eachof the people to shehasdirectlv hurt. The higher power could be the fellowshipof other alcoholics(or in our case. Ponscups. Soughtthrough prayerand meditation to improveour conscious contact with God aswe understood Him. The word "God" can be replaced with a more generalized"higher power" that has meaningfor each individual.For the alcoholic. Made a list of all persons had harmed. Made direct amendsto suchpeoplewhereverpossible. r29 . It's the glue that holds all the stepsof for the programtogetherso that peaceand self-acceptance be achieved.

abilitiesand your liabilities. This doesn'tmean that you absolve yourselffrom all responsibility your behavior.This should be similar to the one you developfor your homeowner's renter's or insurance. Now it's time for you to think about the balance in your own life.Later in this discussion. you shouldexamineand list your assets. A failure to confront your limitations can result in damaged emotional and spiritualhealth and a diminishedsense self. for This stepinstructsthe individual to take amoral inventory.your goalshouldn'tbe to eliminate your shouldtake responsibihty your behaviors for and make appropriate may alreadybe of confronting and working at acceptingyour limitations.if you've of learnedto usesomemaladaptive coping mechanisms that have hurt other people.Insteadit should be to identify.Confronting your powerli:ssness includes an admission that you can't do it all-you arehuman and have unique limitations.SruprnOn Cnezv?! Theseissues aren't relevantto your recoveryfrom ADD exceptasthey relateto thoseaspects selfyou can change. Rather than noting the condition and value of possessions.For instance. The fourth principle alsohas significance you asan ADD adult.however. The issueof powerlessness detailed in the first three steps.It meansthat you acknowledge for the reality of your imperfectself. The following is a list of questions 130 . of we'll offer somesuggestions abouthow to compile this important inventory. It meansthat you are powerless over your ADD in that it isn't anyone's fault and can't be cured. Applying thesestepsin your own life meansthat you need to stop blaming your parents.spouse. or or disabilities. Evaluating Balance Issues in Your Life We talked earlier in this chapter about general balance issuesthat can be important for you as an ADD adult. accept and manage them.You MraN I'v Nor Lazy. children and yourselffor the problemscaused by your ADD.has a direct implication for you asan adult with ADD. If you have begunyour process grief. Your inventory is central to your recovery. Since your ADD can't be cured.

How much sleepand restdo you need.dressing health carel or Is Your Life in Balance? You probablyknow that "a11 work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy. 1. society. How much time do you spenddaily on self-mainrenance: grooming. lou're likely to find yourselfdrifting in directionsthat aren't particularlyhelpful. How much time shouldyou devoreto family and friends? 5.ut"". relarionships.\-. If you just go with the flow. may be ableto answer \'ou them later. What things are cluttering your life and shouldbe eliminated? 10. you can't expectto let balancetake care of of itself. Toycrr.You have ro carefullydesignit. But all keepthgm in mind throughoutthe discussion this chapter. are folk me zledasthey arremprto find time for everything. You can ger immersed work and forget in that you have a family or allow your socializingar work to interfeie with the quality of your performance. well-organized beco fraz.\s. spiritual renewal.In today's fast track.. What obligationsmusryou fulfilll 9. ANn Trrp Twgr-ve SrEnsOr AlcoHot-rcs ANoNyvous you can useto get started. 131 .not just in the sense religion but regarding of anything rhar givesyour life ' meaning? 6. the pressures suchthat even calm. \Yhat is your daily/weekly work capacity? 2.Aeour BalRNcE.If you try in someof the thingswe suggesr.recreationand rest.u may never have really thought about someof them and may not be irbleto answer of them right now. PonscHrs. dual ."A balancedlife must include time for work. Th9 jugglingact is dauntingfor you asan ADD adult. CtRcus HrcH'W'IRes. How long can you work efficientlywithout a break? 8. Since you'redistractibleand have an elasticsense time. \7hat must you do to renewyourselfspiritually.including "down time" when there are no demands placedon you1 3. How much and what kind of recreational activitiesare critical for your well-being? 7. What is your financial bottom line-how much income do you requireto maintain an acceptable standard living? of 4.

Don't neglect the other areas your life when you analyze of your diary.r Nor Ltzv. 'We can almostguarantee that after the first week.Referto your diary on be to find out how long it took to completevarioustasksand factor in extra time.You MrnN I'rr. Doubling your esrimate everythingexceprsleepwill for give you a cushionfor unexpected eventsand the distractions that inevitably derail ADDers. Did your stress indicatorsincrease after a certain length of time on a task?If so.Also keep track of the difficulty of eachtask or evenr. very careful.examineit for observable pattems.Doesexercise seemto lower your stress level and improve the quality of your work?What about the time you spendwith your family? Make a Personal Schedule It's time to developa tentative weeklyschedule that includesan estimateof the time it takesto do eachactivity. By keeping track of stress symproms and altering the number of hours you can begin to estimateyour overall daily and weeklywork have discovered how long you can work without a breakor a shift to anotheracrivity. you were frazzledbythe end of the week. As you pencil in time estimates your schedule. we you'll need to conduct your own research'll decidethat your schedule unworkable!You will probablyfind that everything is you neededto do didn't fit into your time frames. Rate the difficulty on a scaleof one ro ren. \ilAat is your pattem of sffess indicators? \7hen your diary is complete. In similar fashion. Write down everythingyou do and how much time it takes. If you have trouble deciding how to rate something.It shouldinclude a daily log that tracksyour activitiesfor several weeks. Othersbecome initable or start tuning out. !7hat happens when you facetoo many demands? Somepeople react to stress with muscletensionor headaches. you can determinehow long you can work efficiently. pay attention ro stress indicators. \7e bet that if you did manageto stayon schedule. r37 . SruproOn Cnnzv?l Conduct Your Own One Rat Study To answerthe questions posedabout the balancein your life.

By limiting the activitiesthat stress your fragileskills. Over time.groupmembers gradually becamelesstentative about their strengths. instance. ANo Tue TwEr-vESreps Op AlcoHoI-rcs ANoNyvous Your life is out of balancebecause you'retrying to fit too much into it! This includesnot just the quantity of activitiesbut an accumulation of demands your capaciq for work and stress.we'll get back to the moral inventory we talked about earlier. CiRcus HrcH'WrRr. you'll the of need to reviewyour schedule with the goalsof slicing and dicing itl The demands your life needto match your capacityand abilities on and alsofit into the time you have available.After several months. the following questions an outline Use as for this important job. What Can I Do Welll This first questionmay be the hardestto answer!Membersof our local adult supportgroupwere initially stumpedwhen they tried to describe someof their For 133 . How do you get started figuring out what to cut outl In the next section. your flawsare lessapparenr than thoseof the alcoholic's and may thereforebe somewhateasier ro deny and ignore. you will free up energyand time for thoseyou do well.This will be the placefor you to start. Severalexpressed that they couldn't think of anything positivebecause they wereso accustomed focusingon to their mistakes.You have the power ro take control of your life by looking squarely your limits.s. PonscHEs.we suggest that you work first on enlarging your thinking aboutwhat constitutesan somerespecrs might be easier it than recovering from ADD. ToyorAS. If you have a similar problem. it becameapparentthat there wasindeeda wealth of talent amongus.Aeour BalnNcE. It's time for you get busyon your moral inventory to help you better understand your strengths and weaknesses. AnalyziurrgPersonal Strengths and Weaknesses Although we wouldn't presume minimize the enormoustask of reto coveringfrom alcoholism. As an ADD adult. at Acknowledging your limits offersan opportunity for you to grow far beyondthem. on After you'verecovered from the shockof recognizing impossibility doing it all.

becameapparenr it that Sarahwasa virtual geniusat living a balanced life.she concludedthat she could work no more than fifty hours a week without exceeding acceptable levelsof stress.I7e consider 134 . As the sharingcontinued in subsequent meerings. sffessed She families. but The resultis a family that is truly in balance.You MEaNI'v Nor Lnzy.At the end of her study. could be a valuableconsultantto manv harried. Instead. alsoasthe cost and value of energyand time. Many of us with ADD measure personal worth by the yardstickof peoplewith more orderlyor ordinarylives and minds. Since shealready had two children. extremely or is successful. \7hen you make your list of things you do well.Her calculationswerevery precise.sheturned her creativetalentsto devisingstrategies living for well on lessmoney.Sarah. go beyondthe obvious. She addedup all the mental and physicaltasksperformedin a typical week to arrive at a total numberof working participant (we'll call her Sarah)wasinitially apologetic aboutnot working outsidethe home.whoseparricular gifts aren't easyto measure defineby societalstandards. Sarahdeterminedthat travel time to her son'sschoolconferenceconstitutedwork and time spentat the support group wasleisure.swimsin a smallpool dug with family labor and barterswith friendsfor other goodsand services. motherhoodwasn'ran oprional role but sheknew that shecould makedecisions abouther other roles.SruproOn Cnezy?! someof our groupshared particulartalentsin their jobs.She growsmuch of the family'sfood in a backyard garden.she counted it aswork! Sarahspentseveral weekstracking her signsof sffess shemanipulated as the numbersof hours she worked in a given week.She informed the group that she didn'r counr rhe time it took her to get dressed the moming-but if shehad to change in into her grass cutting clothes during the day. She realized that shecould only manage part time job outsidethe a home but didn't wasteenergyfretting about the loweredfamily income. Shb carefullyconsiders impact the of labor and money decisionson the family systemnot only asfinancial expenses. She had conductedher own elaborate"one rat study" to determineher work capacity.

he got in mega-trouble because alwaystook things he apartand neglected pur them back together. ANo THp TwEr-vESrEpsOp AlcoHolrcs ANoNyvous ourselves successful we plav tennis or golf well.Aeour Bala. always calledon him when family members had locked their keys in the car. the key was in Dad'soffice that wascloseduntil Monday morning. however.NcE. He wasa lifesaverwhen my dad who worked for Colt firearmsaccidentally locked my Aunt Mary in a pair of police handcuffsone Friday night. Aunt Mury would have spent a very uncomfortable weekendhad my brother not come to her rescue ! \ \ z \i_ . abilour ities are often more offbeat l KK: "My youngerbrotherhasADD and is a mechanicalgenius.rrmtasksefficiently.He could figure out how ro open any kind that of lock.Remember. \fhen he wasa kid.He did. Unfortunately.Ctncus HtcH V/tRrs.ToltrrAs. PonscHes. have careers if with a steadyupwardclimb and pert.have to a talent 'We wasvery useful.

If you can manage." \fhen you begin working on your own list. Theseabilitiesmight nor have any apparentvalue. Peopleoften called on me for help when they were in trouble or feeling unhappy. I realized that besides books. But somecreativethinking can lead to somesurprising uses seemingly for useless sffangetalents! and What Can I Do Adequatelyt Your downhill skiing talentsmay not exactlyqualifufor an Olympic gold medal. A string of failures to had left me wonderingif I had any abilitiesat all. I sidestepped the questionof my abilitiesby taking a look at what I liked to do. therapist. Identifying my talentsfollowed logicallyfrom this startingpoint. I wasalsogood at it. iniI was tially hard-pressed figureout what I did well. to you may find yourselffocusingon your talentswithout even realizing it. My list grewro include attributessuch asmy toleranceand acceptance others'faults of and my problem-solving skills.qNI'u Nor Lnzy. don't hesitateto write it down.I loved readingpeople and trying to undersrand them. Maybehe could have designed securirysystems. Since we often preferactivitiesthat comeeasiest us.albeit untrained. add this item to your inventory. however.I realized that not only did I like it.SruproOn Cnazy?! My brother would have madea grearburglarbut he might alsohave tumed his unusualtalent into somethingboth income-producing and legal! I don't know. If your talent is playing the Star-Spangled Banneron your reerh. try srarringwith the things you like to do. \fhat about the costumes you sewed your daughter's for schoolplay?Maybesomeof the seams ripped 136 .You Mr. The first item on my list wasthat I liked to spendtime talking with my friends.include it on your list.If you can tie a knot in a cherry stemwith your tongue. Don't limit yourselfto standard or marketable skills suchasbeing a computerwhiz or a good dancer. \fhen I was23 yearsold and doing my own ger down the hill in one piece. Actually. Include asmany things asyou can. he becamea chef who happensto have many other untapped talents. I addedmy love of readingto my list.Bingo! I realized that I wasan effective.

continuatlyfeelsstressed she and inadequate due to her unrealisticexpectations. Even_if you aren't trying to do it all.rver. You may be a whiz in mathematics that doesn'i but necessarily mean that you shoulddo your income rax preparation. CtRcus Htcrr 'WtREs. at Many ADDers try so hard to be normalthat they are unrealisticabout the_ir capabilities. perhaps your only failure is in trying to do someof thesethings at all. it's time to reevaluate of your cooking.Aeour BaleNcE.But through the process examiningand identifying>Hot-tcs ANoNyvous apart and had to be pinned rtrggl|-t. Toyt. playingsoftballalways If resul$ in an agonizingly embarrassing experience.. Do you really have time to fit this in ro your schedule shouldyou pay or an accountantto do it? \7hat about thosethings that really aren'r your fort6?If you are experiencing failure when your effortsdon'r accomplishwhat you want them to.. No one can be wonderFul everything. of nt. If cooking is fairly routine and unexciting but edible. includeit aslong asyou don't play so poorly that you facehumiliation eachtime you stepon the court. don't do it-even if your three closest friends pressure into joining them for this grearpasrime. Theseactivitiesshouldbe addedro your Can'tlshouldn'tDo honestabout your weakand 'S7e nesses.T. As you examineyour assets liabilities.i. you shouldincluJc eachthing you can do reasotwbly Theseactivitiesmay not L'e\'t'rur tavoritethings to do and they may not be a showcase your tale hut at leastyou can get by with them. What Can't (or Shouldn't) I Dol This final sectionof your inventory is extremelyimportant because it will help you makedecisions about the things you shouldsimply srop -by doing. Or Ar. you remember Do Debrawho tries to hide her deficits doing everything? Not only doesshetry to do everything.shetries to do everythingbrilliantlyl Of course. If you area mediocre tennispl. fh" point is. rarher tasteless mealsare acceptable if you repeatedly but burn down major sections your kitchen.r the performance you did for but manageto get the twenty-fivc Ctrslpp" belongsin Y-our this category. well. of 137 . PonscHrs. you areprobablytrying to do things you shouldn'tdo. ANo Tue TwElvr Sl.\s. certainlydon't encourage you to focusexclusively your on deficits. rno.&rssaf..8tI 'rlrD?u"tapun pyl Klaps D t{tpo pv anl[q8t5t SJaCI61y uv.ue. -llduns pue Suraue8ro ro..Jrf. iqleaurePurl leN AraJes e s. aserqd paleadar B 'VV u1 'l.{re.un [q penarq]e aq Lluo uef.eJaql arns a{el^l lng asn sreuuoyed snf. af. .{\sdarg eAIaA/rIoqt sn rq8norq or{^.uBleq tno sr teqt aJIIB ruo{ IIEJaql 1eerq ot lau pau8rsapruotsnr e Jo elnlosqB uB ere Laqr speeu sn Jo qJBE 'clcv qrl.eldurrstr dee.11 rnol' Suuaunlf.ry slrv EulcuelBg 'TSBru Laqr sartrlrqeeqt ot uo alour uec noL 'XZVI rON l^{.ue 's -lBB './K rl4tt eql uo qIlIIIc :sreurJoFed snrJl3 roJ lsnf l. luudenlq e se fuotualur IEJorurno.{ asn II(noA 'ef. B sr eJu€leq reqr 'op Lueru 1nq 'stau fua.\TIo} asr^{aql 'tau.aJIA r{8H IIB roN {uryr al6.eJ tuauod Jo -uroJ IBcnrJf.tte.{lernce eJe.1 NVshJnol ijAZVUCUO AIdnJS .tr.ntsn Jo lsoru ro. 'a.8urp1nq pue e}ll rno[ 3u1L..{.

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we'll alsoconsiderrelatedissues.we'll examine variousfactorsthat have an impact on an ADDer's ability to "relare"to his iob responsibilities.let'sget busyexamining interfacingin action. Now that you know whereyou'reheadingin your reading. of Although much of the focusof thesethree chaptersis interfacing and communication. Chapter 9. The term "interfacing" is usedto describe communication betweencomputers. Since we want to be effective teachers. Now we're fically within the context of relationships.Cuapren 8 lnterfacing Action: ln ln Groups Friendships and Tttit chapter marksa changein direction from the first part of this book. we need to remind you to periodicallyreview someof the old materialas you continue your reading.\7e hope that at a minimum. In educationaljargon. differences and defense going to examinethe impact of ADD specimechanisms. We've borrowedfrom computerterminologyin naming chapters eight through ten.When we talk on the phone. we hope that you have at leastbeen thinking about it. were providing information that will be the basis \7e for everything that follows. We all interact daily with other people.\7e will usethe moral inventory againso if you haven't completedit. participatein a meetingor sharedinner with a friend. the information in the first sevenchapters wasReadiness. we're relating r47 . for In instance. you've addedit to your To Do list! In precedingchapterswe talked about the impact of ADD on other peoplewithin the context of specificsymptoms.!7e think the term capturesthe essence the of issues "getting along".

of with other people.feelings. open. languageinvolvesspeaking and listening:I talk and you listen and you how lantalk and I listen. largelyon depends or relationships. They can't communicate greatstrides have been madein developing In the world of computers) lanof that bridgesthe capabilities dissimilarprogramming software \ 148 . Communication in the Computer World many different With the explodingtechnologyof the pastthirty years.doesn'tit? To understand guageis anything but simple. let's take a brief look at the dyof namicsof communicationasa startingplacefor our discussion interactionsand relationships.In reality.SruprpOn Cnezv?! whether brief. on can assume more complexand difficult than simply talking! must be considerably if you alreadyknew that.The success theseinteractions. don't have to \7e working. its simplestform. Soundssimple. adequate Virtually everything we do asmembersof the human race is a form of communication.Volumeshave beenwritten about the art of effective focuson its importance Family and marriagetherapists commLlnication. This capabilityhasbeen limited by communicationproblemsidentical to the onesencounteredby German who tries to speakto an Amer" because they speakdifferent languages. else's can instantly sendthe report on our computerscreento someone through telephonecabling.even the briefestof interactionscan So apart through a misunderstanding. In and desires through the medium of language. and busindss \il/ith the arrival of modemsand netrapidly sendmail electronically. and attempt to help people keep the linesof communication skills. ican. Relationships would be a breeze Of course fall this werethe case.Lnicanon Based all the College courses teach posinue that it of attention given to issues communication. We interact with eachother by transmittingour thoughts.we'll considercommunicationin the world of computers. computers '!7e wait for the US PostalServiceto deliver a letter two dayslater. have becomeavailableand arealmostindispensable kinds of computers for personal use.You MreN I'rvr Nol Lxzv. one-timeencounters long-lasting communicationskills.

Even when two computers to communicatewith each other if they don't usethe samesoftware. Both computers package calledMicrosoftWordtM. but their word processing software "brains" (hardware)can recognize programonly if it written in their the "language". We learn the science communication rather effortlessly. to and problemor a specificlanguage most disability. learn to pronouncewords correctly !7e and to usethem to communicateour needs.If an IBM lacksthe capabiliryof talking to a Macintosh. Long beforethe growingbabyacquires gestures facial expressions "talk". communicationcan be designed that includes a and interpretedin a variety of ways.peoplecome in differentmodelswith individualized information Each of our brains processes ware and softwarepackages. color intensity and shading.and r49 . The Art and Science of Communication Although Mom and Dad often frantically try to figure out exactly what theirone second infant is alreadycommunicating. oLd the crying signifies.. The art of commuLnication rely on a mastery interactionswith the taxi driver or a spouse Successful of this art simply in worksby itself and doesits own thing. we still have to interwe face with each other because sharethe world ashuman beings. of softwarethat can't readthe language other differently and uses people. uses he squeals. hasn'tbeenableto reada letter formattedin Microsoft\Uordt* are because programminglanguages different the hardSimilarly.usehardwareand programmedlanguages can usea unique to eachof them.subtlety. for example.It sends message of multiple elements form.Beforethe advent of specialsoftwareprogramsthat own of translatethe unfamiliar language one computerfor the other. real language. Macintoshes and IBMs. When differences programming makecommunicationbetweenpeopledifficult. Similar to a painting. softwareMacFor instance)a Macintosh that usesthe word processing 'lTritet*.INrEnrRcrNcIN AcrroN: IN GnsunANo FRtsNosutps guages. they may be unable have the samehardware. Unlesswe have a speech of of us learn to talk fairly early in our lives. Macs and IBM's were unable to interfaceand communicatewith each other. is often considerably more difficult to leam.

It includesa Similar to a ballet. may communicatemessages he he never intended and misinterpret the messages receives. allocation of time for a solo and rulesfor executinga graceful finale and exit. when and how much to contribute to a conversation. someof us. It has rhythm to and movement. he learnedthat an Australian usesthe "V" to communicatethe same thing as an American holding up his middle finger! PresidentBush really should have taken a crashcoursein the Art of I'lonuerbalComrrundcation beforehe madehis historic blooper! 150 . It has alsobeen suggested that men and women speakdifferent languages. an awareness what others are of doing. the additional clues For help rather than hinder our communication skills. Many of us could really usesomedancing lessons! Verbal and Nonverbal Communication In Communication is an interplay of wordsand body language. his deficits interferewith his ability to truly underHe stand the meaning of conversations. An adult with ADD can have real problemswith communication and relationshipsbecause rulesof the art form continually change. communication isn't a static art form. Peoplein the samecountry may speakdifferent dialectsdependingon the ethnic group or areathey come from. of by PresidentGeorgeBushheld up his fingersin the "V" recognized Americans as the classicsymbolof victory. Others may graspthe precisemeaningof spokenwordsbut misunderDuring a visit to Australia. ADDers and non-ADDers alike differ in their ability to read the interplay of verbal and body language.SruprnOn Cnazv?! detail.As the he tunesin and out. general. Much to his chagrin. stand the message non-verbal language. to peoplefrom one country usewords incomprehensible foreigners.You MpnNI'u Nor may walk awayfrom an abstractpainting asconfusedasyou are after someconversations.\7e have to synchronizeourselves its flow and to know where. The Rhythm of Language Unlike a painting. a conversation proper time to make an entrance. Unlessyou are an art aficionado. of body language 'We gestures facial expressions fill in the gaps to and can useobservable of wordswe would otherwisemisunderstand. has many elements.

looks at his watch and says angrily that YOU should leave. /rz\ \ I/'. He is enjoying the con' so versationbut is concemed that you'll be late..t-l ) I Communication is fraught with the potential for misunderstanding.I G G Q tl-. He isn't at all concemed about your punctuality. ication. If you rely only on the words themselves. He looka at his that it's time for your next class."You should leave" but your will vary accordingto your ability to usethe art of communresponse you might respond. he doesn'tcare much about leaving for his classeither. watch and realizes you SHOULD leave." But what about the accompanying body language? You should leave: The speakeris relaxedand smiling.I probably should get going. "Yes.INrERrRcrNcIN AcrtoN: IN GRoups ANo FRtpNosHtps '-'r\( \ n ' '/ ^^. movescloseto you and his face is You should leave: The speaker He expresslonless. He wants Torlout. You may know the meaning of the words. NO\f! 151 . And at the moment.

gestures. The message is that you've done enoughalready-he doesn'twant you to breathe. Words. Good mannersrequireadequate communicationskills that include an ability to monitor behaviorind pay closearrenrionro detail. ADDer can repeatedly An facesocial slipperyspotsashe attemptsto negotiarearoundthe obstacles sucto cessful communication. Since theseskills can be shakyin an ADDer.rhey'reusuallyalking about rule-govemed speech and behavior. aml in yourway?" An ADDer may fail to say. Since t52 . conversations He probablyknows the rules. you'rewelcome!" You: womnn whose in "WeII. He wantsyou ro IBaqte never. excuse me!" Dlace line you just tookoqter: You: "Oh. of in Hazard-Social Slippery Spots! Social Slippery Spot #l-Basic Manners: We would venture ro saythat most of us with ADD need to proceedvery cauriously this in 'We're area.facial expressions.But societalconventionsof politeness can be hazards because of our particulardifferences.SruproOn Cnazy?l You should leave: The speaker backsawayfrom you and his eyesare little more than slits.His mouth is set and his lips barelymove ashe grabsar his watchbandand hisses that you should LEAVE.flinch or talk.Let'sexaminejust two particularlydangerous hazards beforewe move on to issues variousrelationships our lives. manneredgrandchildand teachers admonishtheir studentsto show better manners."Excuseme" when he jostlessomeone (omission)and interrupt and monopolize (commission). W"henpeopletalk aboutgood manners.voice inflections. body postureand positioningall communicatesubtle (or not so subtle!) messages. he may behavein an unmannerlyfashion.ever rhink of coming back! and \7e think you get the message. not sayingthat ADDers have comered the market on bad manners.but haphazardly appliesthem.You MrnN I'v Nor Lazy.Grandparents bragaboutlheir well.making enorsof both omissionand commission: \ "I Teacher: will thankJou to keepthose opinions yourself to !" "Oh.

Perhaps Council'sphone line coordina' tor shouldteach this trick to his talkative volunteer!" Even if an ADDer avoidsclearlyrude actionsand bad manners. I rememberbeing shocked that the rest of the world didn't function the way my family did. we developed on a styleohnq"ruction based behaviorthat camenaturally to us. KK: "'W'henI first lived awayfrom home. He "ls anyonehome?".I to put my hand over the mouth pieceof my phone to have sometimes the cue myselfto stop talking.It wasa revelationto discover that mosrpeopletake tums talking and listening to eachother!" PR: "The ADD Council'shot-line coordinatorrecentlyshareda huwith a repeatcaller with me.I becomeso involved with sharing awaywith a one-sided that I forget the cardinal rule of effective my advice and experiences communication:LISTEN ING ! fall I have gorrenmuch better at this but sometimes into old habits. I don't have enoughtime to talk with "Melissa".INrERpactNclN At:rtoN: IN Gnoups ANo FRtENosHtps theseskillsmay not comenaturally to him.with everyonetalking at once and no one listening. He had a conversation morousanecdote who usuallyspokewith one particular phone volunteer. He may be ridiculed for being out to lunchor rebukedfor caring only r53 . cadet!". he needsto make a coneffort to learn and practicethe behaviorexpectedof adultsin scious our society.his social of life can be hamperedby the generalfogginess ADD.but it could have been do.all."'Whata space dreamythat he doesn'tseemto exist in the real may be so vagueand world. shereplied. He may be un' able to clear the cloudssufficientlyto really connect with other people.She'sbeen a greathelp but she'll talk so much and keepme on rhe phone so long that I'll forgetthe one questionI neededto ask!" I don't know who the phone volunteerwas. me! As ADDers sometimes if I'm not careful.Mealtimes were a free-for. .I can get carried conversation.When he that suggesred the caller speakwith the volunteershehad previously spokento."Oh."Earthto Mark!". .. .Interruptingwasnormal behavior. Since by most of my family wasaffectedto somedegree ADD. ..

He doesn'tmean to be rude or uncaringbut his failure to respondcan look like selfishness.I instantlv go into a sranceof defenr..oo* when I'm o1 the phone.\7hen the the phone rings. A phobia is a fear out of proportion to the actual threat in a situation r54 .SruprpOn Cnnzy?! abouthimself.r. ra. I elsewill answerthe incessanr family is in for the asia.rdur" f".rtl" of KK: "Beforeeither of us knew anything about ADD.I-getnastylMy children w"t.. me he He claimedI inherited it from my mother who hassimil".rlt the telephone-iyr". my husband usedto accuse of having a disease called Phone-a-'Phobia.inating personreally be the samecharacterwho seemed roi"il on the telephone? What about the sparklingtelephoneconversationalist who becomes almostmute in face-to-fu.i.orr..f"r..You MraN I'vrNor Lezv.If you .H""-" you ever met someonefor the first time after talking to him only --' by phone and been amazed the difference? by Can rnir Utight.rronalities! ..p.Telephone Tyrant syndrome! A ringing telephonecan transformme into a mean. yJu'[ .. o. Simply stated. you will endurescathinglooks.i?rg that "Nobody better interrupt me during this call.h in continual amazement their as relativelyeven-tempered mother transforms into a screamingmeanie! I have never understood powerthis inanimateobject wields.. After the ryait. I relucta.. aitack.-rly PR: "l sufferfrom TTTS: Testy. social slippery spot #z-Tye lelephone: A greatdeal of daily communicationis conductedby telephone. we'renot too crazy the but about the uncanny ability of a telephonero changeou. after urr.hoping someone third or fourth ring.counters? a changein our dispositions.g goes unheeded. not that we fail to appreciate convenience..' If my *.rro"] !f you are the unfortunate individual who walks into the .Telephones a grear are invention but do to It's !h"y sometimes a terrible disseivice ADD"ers. Th: telephonecan alsocause remarkable Perhaps you can identify with this phenomeno" 6f Telep.confrontationalp.J. ry*proms.*k" th" mistakeof making noiseor talking to me.

of Listening and making sense communication is hard enoughwork having to contend with outside interferences. the an The problem is sometimes inability to process meaningof words Telephoneconversations without the visual cluesof body language. ADDer can becomea telephone ryranr ashe fights to shut out noisesand interruptions. SomeADDers do avoid using the telephone. An inability to filter out backgroundnoise alsocontributes to the An difficulty with telephoneconversations.Jh" and "um!" An ADDer may forget and charming to identify himseli leave out important information or abruptly end the conversation.1.however.INrERpRctNcIN AsrtoN: IN Gnoups ANo FnteNosHtps and peoplewith phobiasgenerallytry to avoid the situationsthey fear.The avoidance. may be peppered phrases such as"l. to for requests the speaker repeathimself with silences. isn't a phobic reaction to inappropriateanxiety or fear-they have real problemswith telephonecommunication.-) { + )Y/ - 155 . without '-'-*' .

rrgtli.. If you have taken the call in a noisy areaof your house. .briefly excuse yourself.Telephoro one elec"r" consetrical devices. Used in water.they can have f".the major points-youwant to make and the way you'll politely end the conversarion. sayingyou'll have to switch phones.we'Il turn our attention to interfacingin groupand one-to-one encounters. and 1nirri-irirrg your weaknesses. t Make your phone calls in a quiet. With this-general frameworkof communication and interactions in place.remperaments."Phobia and TTTS: t Rehearse and write down what you're going to saybeforeyou make a call-your greeting. Here are a ftLEl"phone strategies that may reduceyour pho. SruprnOn Cnazyl! 9yrvival Tips for the Telephone fh. As your guiding principle should be the theme of this book-maximizing your rt-r. don'r forg_"! oery important detair.You MreN I'u Nor L. .r". Only kidding.take the time to request quiet or switch to anotherphone. the door or return the ". telephone may never be yo. any written information you might needfor the'conversation. o Keep your nores in front of you during the call jog to your memory. noiseof the exhaustfan would block out distracrions. you ..rsr. Don't attempt to becomelike folliwith .since we'readvocates the open bobk test..rr preferredmode of communication but there are somethings you can io to make it more user-frie"Jrv.yourinventory noteshandy ai you conrinue readingl WE'ff test you at the end of the book. t Stick to your script to avoid the "wandering"conversation.Then take a few minuresro compose yourselfand g"rh."1.we encourage of you to If this. mor" serious quences than Phone-a-Phobia TTTSI and t If someone callsand catches you off guard. distraction-free place. you considertheseissues.You'll fail miserablyand losesight of the plus sideof your moral inventory.+zy. call later. 156 .One person we know had a phone jack installedin her bathroomso the ihi.

You may be judiciouslyusingyour disinhibition-saying or doing things other peoplecensor-to developa frank and open comothersand puts them at ease.many who can't figure us out at all! If we're going to fit in.the world is madeup of many different kinds of may facegroup as situationswith about asmuch enthusiasm you do a trip to the denTo tist! What can you do to prevent the socialsuicideyou fear? help somesocialsituationsin action. brain is racingto movementto protect endangered to think of something say. let'sobserve Michael Michael is standingin a clusterof four peoplewho have been talking about a variety of topics. many of us would probably with experience With our personal do just fine in our relationships. munication stylethat disarms Act I: Interfacing in Groups \7e live.He hasn't addedmuch to the conversation he because doesn'tknow anything about the latest softwareor the His caterpillars.INreRrRcnc lN AcrloN: IN Gnoups ANn FRtgNosulps Relationships: A Play with Multiple Acts and a Cast of Many Characters If the world werefilled with fellow ADDers. out how to communicate You may need to completelyreprogramyour mental computer to improve its interfacing capabilities.You may in any weaknesses alreadybe using your identified strengthsto bypass of this areaof functioning.meetingsand 'SUe can't avoid theseinteractionseven if we wantedto. socialclubs. If committees. ADD. r57 . we would understandthe "quirks" of the ADDers around us. Of course. You may have a keen sense humor and of vivid imaginationthat attractspeopleand repairsthe damage a socialfaux pas. you are like many bright. we have to figure with and relateto others. you with this issue.beforesomebodyaskshim somethinghe won't know how to answer. work and play in groups-families.You may have unique strengthsin to this areaand need only minor adjustments your program. enterprisingADD adults.

Her eyeslook glazed und h".You MEaNI'u Nor L." Someone elseoffersto drive her home in caseshe'sbeen drinking too much and needsto sleepit off.Sincehe'sa builder with a specialtyin cusromrenovation.l knew that.To her companion's comment about the benefitsof usingglass insteadof papeiproducrs.+zy. He looksup to seefour facesetchedwith question marks!He graduallyrealizes enormiryof his blunderand slinks the awaywith a half-heartedchuckle: "Oval Ofrice. halfway through his story. 158 . the woman *ho asks To her opiiion about this serious topic.isn't sayinganyrhing. Amanda twists aroundto watch her friend Mlchael humiliate himself. faceis expressionless. It suddenlyoccursto him.White House. ." she laughingly assures both men that she'sonly kidding and wonders if the_y've noriced how many peoplehave alreadyleft tie parry and if they have any suggestions aboutwhat sheshouldrav to Mi." Amanda Betweenburstsof sma[ talk with her two companions. recyclethe dearlydepartedloved one's clothingl The reasonI'm askingis that your tielooks exacrlylike the one Uncle Joewore at his funeral. Amanda "Do funeraldirecrors asks. SruproOn Cnnzy?! He is preoccupied with planning his verbalentrancero rhe conversation and vaguelyhearsa commentabout recenractivitv in the Oqtal Office.She asksof no one in particular. . .he jumps in with his accountof an inreresring eagerly circularroom he once built.hael about acting so stupid Elizabeth Elizabethis standingwith a largegroupnear the buffet table. I don't .An animatedconversation about the plight of the homeless so engrossing is that everyoneignoresthe deliciousfood.that somerhing isn't quite right."Oh."Can you believehe just saidthat?" She quickly switches gears sheobserves as that her companion's looksjust like tie the one her Uncle Joeusedto wear. I just wantedto seeif you werepayingattention. shereplieswith a yawn.""lly know. Elizabethis the onli p"rroi in the groupwho..

.they'll probablyjust shrug it off. His comment is greeted or repliesof.\7e do mental handsprings fast aswe can. cessful The exchangeof a conversationis a challenging task for an ADDer He who can't make quick mental adjustments. the Someof us take mental time outs to process conversation. they might wonder what planet he comesfrom! for Running Out of Gas: There are other reasons an ADDer's diffiThe atmosphere a groupcan be of cultieswith groupinteractions.He alsohas to be surehe doesn'tget locked in. an ADDer's mind may move taking a detour at the end of the track! A comment at breakneckspeed. has to follow the flow of talk as it bouncesfrom personto person. Otherwise. ately.Sucattention and shifting gears? group interfacing dependson an ability to shift gearsrapidly. Unfortunirrelevantcomments.INrERrRcluc IN AcrtoN: IN Gnoups Arlo FRtENosHrps Notes: Act I the about dividing Mental Gymnastics: Do you remember discussion They are a kind of mental athletics.He has to concentrate enough to understandwhat the speakeris saying. filter intenselystimulating.Rather than getting locked in and taking a time out.. If he'swith strangers. Creativethinking alsoplaysinto the mental athletics. stimulates ideathat sends an during the conversation imaginativejourney. t59 . him on a wild.Impairedattention and a defectivesensory Attention can jump from a can be pushedbeyondtheir capabilities.If he'samongfriends.They didn't go on the mental journey with the ADDer and don't know wherehe'sbeen.are you talking about?" to to The comment that makesperfect sense him is incomprehensible the rest of the group.Severallapslater he endshis little detour and with either raisedeyebrows shares sometidbit. Remem. rehearsingand rememberingwhat we're going to saythat we block out as everythingelse. ber our slow reactiontime?A breakcan give us time to deal with our 'We may be so intent on frantically lessthan trustworthy memories. "\fhat the H.he comesto a grinding halt while the generalconversationgoeson without him.we often end up interjectingseemingly 'We're talking about spring soccerwhen the conversationmoved on five minutesearlierto the winter Olympics.

He mayrun out of mennlgas. he quickly uses his reserves fuel.his senses rapidly reachan uncomfortable level of overload.feelingasif you've just taken a sleeping or gone into a coma?'Sfe pill have.You MraN I'v Nor Lnzy. That's precisely 160 . but what aboutyoul You end up standingthere with a blank look and a yawn. up of rI t A \ :N LI \ '. k's asif the body staysin the samespot while the brain goesoff to a quiet corner somewhere rest and regroup. an ADDer might either tune out or fall asleep. You may not exactly endearyourselfto the speaker who is sharing fascinatinginformation.Simply put.SruproOn Cnnzy?! companion'sperfumeto the crackling fire across room. \Uhere the should he focus-on the speaker's wordsor on the body language of the personstandingnexr to him? Bombarded with sightsand sounds from many differentdirections. to That's just greatfor your brain. i ll - l r ' t Have you everbeen in a stimulatinggroupsituation.l '.Similar to a car climbing a long mounrain road. It's not that the conversation boring-although it might be! It's that is the overstimulationof a groupsituationcauses mental fatigue.

Are your problems in groupscausedby your deficits or by therulesfor interactionthat are ill suitedto your sryleof thinking? KK: "'!7ith professional experienceasa group leader. may of he careen.INrsnrRcrNc AcrroN: IN GRoups IN Auo FRrENosurps what happenedto Elizabethwho attributesher poor socialskills to a lack of sleep. I figured my main function as the facilitator would be to referee. we may fill up physicaland emotional spacewith our presence and chatter. The Porscheis revvedand readyto go! Foot in mouth disease escalates out of control as the ADDer barrelsaround the track. course.The flow of ideasdoesjump arounda lot but this doesn'tseemto be an obstacle 161 . As Amanda does.literally and figuratively.With a poor sense boundaries. talks too fast and drives everyonecrazywith his intensity.I mentally geared up for a difficult challengewhen I agreed start an ADD adult support to group." Synopsis: Act I It might seemthat you process information too slowlywhen you'rein groupconversation. it possible. Perhaps groupto creativeproblem-solving."l can't believe I just saidthat. The people aroundhim altematelyview his behaviorasamusingor annoying.interruptingeach other and jumping from topic to topic.the mental cruise control may be flipped on and set way abovethe speedlimit. rude or silly remarksare out of our mouthsbefore we know it! How many times have you saidto yourself. a Is however. Impulsivity and disinhibition aresometimes atremptsto fend off mental fatigueand maintain alertness.He fidgetstoo much.that you process the information ln greater depththan othersdo?Do you make connections that eludeeveryone elseand have real value?It might seemthat your mental detoursare inappropriatebut that doesn'tmean they're worthyour tangentsand wild leapsof imaginationcan lead the less. one elseknows that! Of no Many of us often talk and act first and think later. What has happenedis vastly different from what I imagined. Cruise Controls Set on Mega.I pictureda groupof peopletalking non-stop.Inappropriate.into other people.Speed: Conversely. heedless anyone of who might be in his way. And here'ssomethinginterestingto think about.

you'll have to learn someof the conventional steps. you can't always Of course.It makessense that if he could play by his own set of logical rules. get togetherand enjoy the danceyou share. rehearse aheadof time. Survival Tips for Act I Be Prepared: Beforeyou arrive at the socialgathering. His logic. But groupmembers.make sure you'reprepared. often left behind in "normal" groups. danceto your own beat just asyou can't always what your impulses do drive you to do. Sinceyou can't avoid being in groupsof non-ADDers. will be in attendance. able to keepup with the speedy are conversation. Ask about the dress "code" so you won't arrive in jeansif everyoneelsewill be wearing suitsand ties. We may just need to danceto our own ADD beat! If you have an ADD friend. If you'relucky.Thetempo is much fasterthan I have encountered in other groups. Start taking notes asa newspaper reporterwould.Perhaps ADDers don't need we dancinglessons after all. Here are somesurvivaltips that might help you on the dancefloor. Part of this rehearsal r62 .somebody elsewho lovesradio controlled racecarsasmuch asyou do. The danceof conversationin an ADD group seems move to music to entirely different from that of other groups. Do Your Homework: If your mind and mouth inexplicably shut down in groupsettings.the groupasa whole is able to follow the logic of the conversation and sometimes movesit off into wonderful.You MenNI'v Nor Lnzy. may in somewaysbe superiorto the logic taught in school.his communicationwould flow more freely. productive tangents. Generally. tempo and patterns. Make sureyou write down the date and time of the gathering!Arriving for a dinner party an hour late will definitely not win rave reviewsfrom your host. occupations.It seems have its own to unique rhythm. interests. etc. Find out who will be there and write down their names." Perhaps the logic of a non-ADD thinker is a different brand from an ADDer's.SruproOn Cnazy?! to the groupprocess. formulatedby the generalizations connections and of his distractions.

Write a script. Rehearse." Youcomment: . Questions are excellent because they keep the conversationgoing and draw attention awayfrom you.It doesmean that you shouldknow that the changing ru. isn't it? I haven't seenthe paperthe pastfew days.Is there anything new going on?" Practice: Rehearsing meansjust that. Don?" Develop a standardscript for thesequestionsthat come up in groups. Don?" Someone aslcs: You stnrtJoLuscript:"I restore anaqtefurniune." "Oh. at leastsuperficially.places and events in the news is that it providesa file of information on which you can draw. with current events. considerwaysyou can respondto information sharedby others. The conversationstopsdead in its tracks.If the subjecttums to the primaries. how do you respondwhen somebody tells you about his 1ob? "What da you dofor aliving. What'syourjob. Generic commentscan bail you out if you have no idea what a media center specialist A rehearsed of is. Instead. really. what will you sayto the host?How will you join a conversationl\7hat wordswill you usel How will you introduceyourselfl How will you respondto the inquiry "\Uhat do you do for a living. list questions and commentscan also help with any problemsyou have with monopolizingconversations. When you arrive. Practice. however vague."Campaignactivity is really heating up.After you've answered inquiry about what the you do for a won't interject a comment about your son'sexperiences the primary grades your in of local school.of names.rosHrps should be keeping up. Fred?" Fred replies:"I am a mediacenter specialist.. you can referto your memorized script of cannedresponses.INrrRrRcrNc AcrroN: IN GRoups IN ANo FRrEr. or When you work on your might offer.Then practice it with a spouse friend or in front of a mirror.What happensnow?Rather than feeling uncomfortableand trying to fill the deadspacewith rambling.This with the lengthy doesn'tmeanyou have to sit down on a daily basis New York Times.rcIear farrily isn't a topic about folk glowing in the dark with radiation poisoning! The value in having an awareness. someof thesescriptsand Try r63 .

as this idea presupposes you feel comfortablein the group and that that none of the members objectsto being taped. initially keep a low profile. you can leam a lot when you review thi tape. so to If you're a memberof a supportgroup. You may get in a bind and exhaustthe items in your script.whereto sit or even how to dress. lYhat exactlJdoes your work entail?" "Haqte you alwaysdone thiswork or did Jou stertoff in a different fieLd?" "Tltat sounds an interesting Can you tellme moreabout it?" job. like The focusof the conversationwill probablycome back to you after this questionand answerperiod.Find out how much personal information peoplesharewith each orher and try to figure our any unspokenrules.Most groupshave informal codesof conduct that govem the behaviorof members. can usethe tapesto of You monitor your progress you practicenew waysof behaving. you might be able to tape a series sessions. If this can leam about your behavior by watching yourself. Although the cameramight be somewhat distracting.Include theseemergency techniquesduring exit your rehearsal. This is a valuableprocess only for reviewingwhat you did wrong.SruproOn Cnnzy?! add someof your own: "How did you get interested that area?" in "I don't know verymuchaboutthntfield. you can excuse yourselfto make a phone call or to ask the host something.You MpeNI'v Nor Lxzy.Of course. not but what you did right! If you'rea memberof an ongoingsuppoftgroup. The hidden codemay tell you which subjects taboo. Watch the others to seehow they behave.Arrange for a video or audio recordingof your group's interactions. are \7e don't advocateblind conformity to rules or buying into the idea r64 . Watch and Listen: \7hen you're with an unfamiliar group of people. Also includeyour spouse friend in your practice or sessions you'll have someone bail you out when you needhelp.Look and listen a lot and talk very little.By then you shouldhave found some familiar territory and will be able to talk comfortablyabout a subject you know.

\Uhen it's your turn. The verbal channel usesthe voice asrhe instrument to producewordswhile body language and facial expressionsprovidevaluablecluesabout the impact of your behavior.Make it a practiceto askthe speaker he has if finished beforeyou jump in and cut off his next thought. your teeth and do it anywaylThink of it as grit balancingyour checkbookor doing pushups. Watclung Joltxwatchcan alsohelp you maintain focusas it givesyou something to do. Play closeattention to the danceof conversationand don't give a solo per6ormance. Beforeyou start talking. "Boy.monopo.If if you hate to mind is really on a mental marathon.If nothing else. S"y somethinglike. Watch Your Watch: Focuson the speaker. you can alwaysclaim that the batteryseems be wearingout.make a reasonable attempt to be cordial and respectfulof the group'srules at leastfor one evening. however. .INrERrRcrNc AcrroN: IN GRoups Iu ANn FzuENosHrps that you must fit in. It will be up to you to decidewhether to continue your association with a particulargroup. you wanted a particularreacof tion! Immediatelyapologize you know your wordswere impulsive. You'll need to practicereading both kinds of language." Work on Your Reading Skills: Rememberthat people communicate through verbal and non-verbalchannels. ask someoneto signal you when you're getting off track.usethe eveningto practiceyour conversational skills. Force yourself to make eye contact.Set a mental alarm clock to ntrn yowselfoff rf you exceedyour allotted time.In a safegroup of friends. lizing the conversation. not fun but it makes It's life easierin the lons run. it's a good bet that your wordssent an unintendedmessage-unless course. If all elsefails and you're off and running beforeyou know it. If you notice a look of horror. It's better to to wearout your batterythan your audience! Watch Your Wandering: Pay closeattention to the number of tangential joumeysyou take so you won't start jumping all over. . make surethat you aren't interrupting.You can. Wear a watch with a secondhand and unobtrusivelynote how long each personspeaks. time yourself. acknowledge your rambling. r65 .isn't it? Sorry about that. In casesomebody watchesyou watching your watch.

/ \ ' 5 a O a (/ L - t66 . lem?"An altemative is to make a joke about your impulsivity.ask!You could the say.You MEenI'v Nor Lezy."I noticed you frowned when I said such and such.LISTEN TO IT! The advice is three simplewords. "l have a bad caseof foot in mouth disease today.You really should try to leaveyour shield at home or in attaak the trunk of your car. you can't do this all by yourself.SruproOn CnnzyT! If you don't know what caused negativereaction. Is there a anything but simple!Your tendencymight be to put up your shield and go into auto'defense and mode. Welcome the Feedback: \7hen you receivethe feedback.You could saysomethinglike.Responding appropriatelyto commentsabout your behavior.You needhelp." A let lighthearted approachcan make it easierfor the other personto provide feedback about your behavior.Please me know if I've saidor done anyrhingout of line.

Prepare carefully for theseand do the bestyou can. may feel far lesscomfortablein one-to-onerelationshipsbecause impossible hide. remember that there isn't a rule requiring Just you to be a socialbutterfly. Be selectiveand baseyour decisionon a realisticassessment your of abilitiesand disabilities. commentsdon't have to be negative. Our carefullyconstructed it's to shieldsdon't work well in closerelationships that illuminate our shortcomings. Using feedbackto changeyour behaviorcan have a powerful. but JustSay "No" to rhe others. Small groupgatherings may work betterfor you.If you'vebeen working hard at your recovery. it might be time to rereadthe section on balance. positiveimpact on your socialsuccess.Do you attend thesefunctions you want to or because because you feel compelledto? \fhen an acquaintanceshares very full you feel somehow his that you just don't measure socially? up There may be somesocialeventsthat you must attend. acceptingcriticism is harder and changing your behavioris the hardestof all. Carefully Choose Your Social Activities: If you feel washedup and wom out after everysocialevent.One Encounters Someof us preferlargegroupinteractionsthat enableus to remainsome'We what anonymous." And of course. you have knowledgeand skills you may have lacked t67 .INrERpncrNcIN AcrroN: IN GRoups ANo FRrrNosHrps Think of this learning process therapy. No gain. You will need them everywherefrom PTA meetings to officeplanning sessions. Careful listening is hard.Be honestwith yourself.the sloganusedto inspirepatientsis. But theseareessential partsof your recovery. don't resignyourselfto solitaryconfinement. This doesn'tmeanyou shouldgive up on learningand practicingyour interfacing skills. Even if your experiences relationships in have beenunsuccessful. "No pain.In physical therapy.for as instance. Act II: Interfacing in One.Don't be afraidto askfor positive feedbackaswell and don't forget to thank the person for taking the time to help

Jasontells her that he'll missthe cookoutshe usedto have with his three neighbors. individual interactionsrequiresomewhat differentskills. beginsaskingwhat his new friend would like to eat. Theseare the in one-to-oneencounters with friendsand acquaintances. invites Paul to dinner that He evening and without waiting for an answer. your boy will be able to build a really housein his new backvard." Notes: Act II Many of the rulesfor interactions are the samefor both group and 'We individual encounters.Beyondthesesimilarities. we'll studysomeother relationships action. Ken beginstelling his new friend all about the cooking classes he's taking and what he's leamed about designing healthy menus. Carolyn Carolyn invites Jason.She responds his story about the tree househis son built to "'V7ell.her new neighbor to join her for a cup of coffee.SruproOn Cnnzv?! before. Ken Ken looksup to seePaulwalking down the aisle. He asksif Paul receivedthe three messages left for him on he his answeringmachine yesterday.You can be successful if pitfalls and designstrategies avoid them. expressing surpriseand delight to seehim again so soon after their first meeting. She talks briefly about the neighborhoodand commentsthat she's surehe'll like it much better than wherehe usedto live.fifteen families sharea block party everysummer!Carolyn refills her coffeebut doesn'tnotice that Jason's is empty. to In Act II. Let'sseewhat we can leam from gazingout her back door.though.Your newfoundunderstanding about your balancesheetcan inherent in developingclose supportyou asyou risk the self-disclosure you're awareof the potential relationships.He runs over him.She advises. greattree with my son'shelp. bet I in their old yard.Carolyn responds telling him not to worry about it. must take tums listening and speaking.You MEnNI'v Nor Lezv. She tells by him that in this neighborhood. 168 . watch for non-verbalbehaviorand monitor verbal and non-verbal communication.

rs' from his needsto his friend'sneeds. of Synopsis of Act II There'sboth good newsand bad newsfor an ADDer in one to one socialinteractions. singingthe praises By of her neighborhood. she's trying to help him adjusrro his new home. You might talk yourselfinto failure. Desperately wanting her new neighborto like her and his new". one-to-onecommuni. body language would give her a good clue that she's sendingan Jason's unintendedmessage boastingand "one-uppi. they could developgood interaction skills. Ken showsgenuineaffection for Paul and is willing to work hard at developingthis new friendship.The bad news is that runing our is more obvious-the focusis on him with no one to run interference!He can't affordto take mind detoursbecause there'sno one to pick up and carry the conversational ball." to "He'sa professor andl barelyfinishedhigh school!" "What if I forgethername?" "What if I run out of rhings say?" to Engagingin negativeself-talkis destructive you because look at only one sideof your equation. She needsto think about her wordsand review the messages sends.INrrnrRcrNc AcrroN: IN GnoupsANo FRrENosurps IN Is your friendshipmode similar to Carolyn'sor Ken's? Don't worry if you identify with either of them because they have a lot going for them. The goodnewsis that theseencounters fewer put demands the ability to switch gears-there arefewerdetailsto track on and fewerpeopleto read. Then there'sCarolyn.What he needsto do is work equally hard at not working so hard! He needsto learn to redirecthis foc. With somerefinements. she She needsto watch Jason's body language and note his attemprsto add commentsto her one-wayconversation.Never forget the other sideof your balance r69 . If you haven't come to termswith your disorder. cation can be particularlyscary. "Whnt if shedoesn'tlike me?" "I don'thaqte anJthinginteresting say.sheoverwhelmshim with her intensiry.

Watch his body language terject commentsthat let your companionknow that you are listening.The rhythm of the exchangeis slowerand easierto fol\7e can focus intently. noticing things low in one-to-one encounters.ADDers tend to go to extremes. Survival Tips for Act II Relax and Listen: Don't feel you have to fill every secondwith contalking a mile a minute or versation. completelytuning out.locking in our focusto give a flattering level of attention to the other person.SruptoOn Cnazv?! sheet! Henry Ford said. As you think about considerthesetips. you more?" "Go on" ."Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't. you're acting and believing you can't On the other hand. You may be fortunate to have a closefriend. you'reright. They your own skills in one-to-onerelationships. Somesilenceis okay.You MEnNI'v Not Lnzv. you may needto get to work. . it Inand pay attention to the message sends. may be usefuland give you addedconfidencein thesesituations. that othersmissand offeringsensitiveand empathicsupport."TeIlme more". .your companionwill think you'reuninterested what he has to say.Send a message listening and interestedin what your companionhas to sayby nodding your head. You may have several closefriends.leaningforwardand maintaining eyecontact. .But if your friendshipsare rocky or shorter-livedthan you'd like them to be. yourselfasa capable to you are acting and believingJou can. is The key to maintaining a correctbalancebetweenthe two extremes you to interactwithout filling acrivelistening.shareyour confusion: 170 ." If you run from potential friendships."CoLLld explnin thata Little or If you find yourselftalking excessively feeling uncomfortableat a lull in the conversation.Active listeningenables that you are up the conversationwith your words. if you affirm personwho happens have somedisabilities. teners. 'We can leam to be greatlisMany of us have excellentpeopleskills. .If you check out altoin gether.

.Yt I shoutdsomething do about Clarification: ..each of us interpretslanguage from an individual frame of reference." me "He's telhing to cleanup the house.irlr. To clarify the way you interpreted the message-restateit in your own words.To ensurethat your companionwill interpret your message accurately.r | "I thought said. take greatcarewith the wordsyou tfi. I'ue run out of things talk about.." in "He's accusing of beinga slob.One sure-firemethod for shutting down the channelsof communication is using the words "yo. to Do youhnveany ideas?" Clarify the Message: Rememberthat communication is an art form. . always"or "you never'lStrike them from your vocabulary unless you want a full scalebattle to eruptl Thesewordsfeel threateningand accusatory. They assign blameand createfeelingsof defensiveness. .t.. avoid communicationmisunderstandings. Statement: "Things&rea mess thishouse. Is that true?" Effective ((r. has been around he for fifteen yearsand rememberingdatesmay be difficult for him. !7hen you use 17r . Moreover.." Jou 'We Avoid ttFightin' Words": talked about the importanceof active listening.INrgnnncrNc IN AcrroN: IN GRoups ANo FRrENnsHrps "Am I nlking toomuch?.t l(rT. The clarity of the message an impact on the listener's has understanding. Even if your spouse rarelyremembers your anniversary. The intent of the message be misinterpretedregardcan lessof how clearlyit is stated.. A better technique is to rephrase your words asl-messages communto icate your feelingsabouthow somethingaffects you. .I thougfu you were criticiTing me."or ( ( r "Wereyou saying " . Restated "# Interpretations: "Wen you saidthat." Possible Interpretations: Although history may supporrthe first sraremenr. don'r jump ro conclusions." me "He's just noticing and commenting thesnte of on the house.

message: "Why do you intenuptme aLl time?" the lUatch your listener'sbody language. might be helpful to increase It your learning experiences taking part in a classor group that pracby ticestheseskills.rt€ssflge: "When you didn't call yesterdnJ wondered youwere tf . He often overwhelmsother peoplewith the ferocity of his friendship.He might showera friend with sincere." neuercaLI You.SruproOn Cnazyl! you You-messages.lighten up! Tell a joke.You MEaNI'v Nor Lezy. he looks puzzled. you'renot careful. you find the other personmentallyor or If physically backingoff. I haqte sayis unimportarLt" to You.I madat me.The communications departmentof a local univergood place to look for this kind of training. There are many other usefulcommunication techniquesbut we hope you get the ideafrom theseexamples.obliviousto the other person's needfor space. sity would be a Watch Your Intensity Level: ADD adults can be intense.he might get physicallytoo If can scare calmerpersonto death! a Be cautiouswhen you find yourselfdiscussing one of your favorite subjects pet peeves.He may be hearof ing somethingvery different from what you're trying to say. 17z . of It can alsocause more generalproblemthat pervades whole rea the lationship.Here are someexamples the differences of between thesetwo kinds of messages: I. direct the focusto your listener and force him to arguehis position. excessive but flattery that leaves him feelingembarrassed wonderingif we're really teasing. aska questionor change the subject. An ADDer can get carriedawaywith a topic because his intensity.passionate and single-minded aboutpersonalinterests.message3"YILL whenJou sayyou wiIL" I. If stop talking.rrr€ssage: "When you stnrtnlking bef I' m finished I f eeL ore tltnt wl'tat . Ask him to clarifu his understanding what you said. or As Ken does.

of we'll alsodo a brief task analysis.INrrRrecrNc IN AsrroN: IN Gnoups ANo FRrENosHrps r Bulru nu !3t ' lJtAp r Slow Down: Even if an ADD adult is adeptat verbal and non-verbal communication. If this is a problemfor you.Are you failing on your job or is your job failing you? L?3 . \7e'11 look at someof your jobs the on job and offer somesuggestions improving your skills in someof them. it may help to keep a diary or calendarthat tracksyour behaviorin friendship-making. This analysis will include an important question. Don't just pick up the phone to call your new acquaintance until you check your joumal. he can have difficulty maintaining a friendship over the long haul. too fast. for \7e'll also look at your relntionship yaurjob to help you analyzeany to failuresyou may be experiencing.paying particularattention to the other person's response. He doesn'twant to wait for the natural progression of phases developingrelationships. in Although our focuswill be on issues inter{acingand communication. Indicatein your joumal a date for your next contact and don't call or drop in before that date! In the next chapteqwe'll move on to relationships the workplace. Pencil in when you make a contact and jot down notesabout the encounter.trying ro ger roo close. may not be amunedto the in He pacingand gradualeasinginto involvement.

With her friends. \Uork relationshipsare an interesting variation on the theme of interfacing. Likewise. Are there 174 . your success the work world is alsolargely of dependenton how well you get alongwith your job.A. different from social you of In the one-to-onerelationships friendships can choosethe people with whom you'll shareyour time and personalinvolvement. has to manage deficitswith greatfinesse.CH.Thesedyfor namicscreatesomeunique problems an ADDer with shakycom. The same is true of the socialgatheringsyou attend-you can chooseto skip a party if you aren't crazy about the peoplewho will be there. a The workplaceis a socialarenaand arguably political one aswell.You have to interact with your coworkersin a variety of settings. in As an adult with ADD.There are elementsof both oneThe one-to-onerelationand groupinteractions. to-one relationships but requiresimilar mainaren't closefriendships shipsof employees are tenanceover time. good interpersonal relationships and an Success the job requires on the abihty to understand "politics" within the work setting. But you with whom you'll interact and you can't can't choosethe employees choosethe meetingsyou'll attend. With her colleagues."r.pren 9 in lnterfacing Actionl Along theJob on Gettine Cur. of munication skills.shecan count on a degree underher she standingabouther ADD. Because your you have to carefullybuild a safety particular deficits and differences. net for your job asyou do for the other parts of your life. can be made or desffoyedaccordingto how well we get along with other peopleon the job.the groupinteractionsof employees gatheringsin that they are ongoing.

she is leaming that stayingup there is tricky. "nd startsissuingdirectives.She recently found a crumpled piece of paperon the floor and is trying to figure out what to do ubo. assellingpeopleon one'sideasfor managinga sales force.Diane'ssocial deficitsmay have caughtup with her.shegrabsher megaphort. The paperis a caricature her drawn by one of her salesm-en. Although sheroserapidly ro an administrativeposition.l raining down like fireworkson her "subjects" below.energeticand creariveADD woman. She'san excellentemployee whoseperformance been noted and rewarded has by her superiors.Diane startedtaking aspirinon a daily basisand considered getting back into therapy.u*. of In the picture.. of Act III: Getting Along on the Job Diane Diane found her niche in sales and quickly becamea rop saleswoman. Single-handedly. she_ towering over her sales is force.we'll expand In interfacingto include thesespecificaspects iob managemenr.t after being on the job only a few months.\7ords are shooting out of the -egaphon" "r.IxrEnrRcxc IN AcrroN: GtrrrNc Ar-oNcOr.She is a can-do womzlnwho is usedto getting the job done-nowl \fhen her sales people don't solveproblemsasfast asshe does. increased sales' she the volume of her d"putt-". The most obviousis that her managerial in skillsaren't asgoodasher sellingskills.Sellinga product isn'r th.clutching a huge megaphone in both hands. what is going wrong for her? So There are probably a number of explanationsfor the problemsDiane is experiencing her job.She greetsa questionabout her poftciesasa 175 . Her hard work and talents wererewarded with largecommissions. bonuses and a promotion to the position of SalesManager. Three months later.rt it. . Diane'simpulsivity may play a role in her problems.r Tur Ton somestrategies can useto improvethe quality of your work?How you can you makeyour job work for you?Is your job the bestmatch for your particularabilitiesand disabilities? this chapter. Notes: Act III Diane is a hardworking.

of There isn't much you can do about the hidden agendas fellow emyou ployees. Synopsis: Act III The work environment is a mini-societygovemedby rulesformulated of the ro prorect the rights and establish responsibilities the peoplewho in work there. similar to yours. interfacing!Consider.for example: of tlrc seems Listen who asl<s impossible you. to The coworkerwho adnmantlyrefuses take responsibility a for screw-up. have a greatpotential for breakdown.7 6 .czv. individual personalities 1obresponsibilities. to md The boss who neqter euenwhen sdcksto herjob description The coworkerwho doggedly are deadlines loomand colleagues desperate help.SruptoOn Cnezv?! You MEaNI'u Nor L. Reviewyour inventory and 1.they are only one part of the equation. figures.She rants and ravesthat shehas to do the work or it would never get done. and Although ADD adultsmay relationships.She can't understandwhy someof her hindrance to her sales' employees refuseto work the samefifty or sixty hours shedoesevery week. The boss who contimnllymakeshisemergencJ.complexorganizations and someof them alsohave Many peoplearepart of work relationships for This makes somevery interest-ing ADD or other disabilities.The relationships a work environment are affectedby the positionspeoplehold. you'll need to of review many of the things we've talked about in previoussections pay closeattention to your balthis book. your fault-or that it's exclusively ship unravels. you remember that you'reonly one pieceof the puzzle. you shouldbe sensitiveto the who might alsohave hidden disabilities. Large. and multiple interpersonal have someunique problemsin this work setting. If \7hen a work relationcan view a situation from its properperspective. for shouldn't assume strugglingwith deficits your unreasonable Perhaps she's colleague's. needsof colleagues \7hat doesall this meanfor you?It meansyou really have your work in cut out for you! To be successful the world of work.As an adult with ADD.

proce. Do somehave validity for the organizationasa whole even though you personally disagree with them?If so. are solidly in place.It outlines your companyt systemof govemment and chain of ssrnrnxnithings such as who reports to whom and areasof individual'll have to leam to live with them.You can't leaverhis homework undone! You must be very clear about where you fit within the overall structureto avoid oversteppingyour boundsor failing ro carry our your responsibilities. study it anyway. Question the Rules Carefully: You'veprobablyheard the adage. Make a list of all the policiesyou disagree with and analyze each of them.Let's take a look at someideasfor dealing with problemsin the world of work. You may decide that not being allowed to listen to rock music in the office is totally unfair.You have to follow companyrules.Think through the rule you're disputingand ap- 177 . You can't changethe rule but you can rewardyourself for following it by treatingyourselfto a favorite tape during your break. Perhaps you can set up a rewardsystemasa motivating tool. Make Sense of the Rules: Don't arbitrarily ignore the rules that don't make sense you.It will be an invaluable frameworkasyou begin to develop your management strategies.questionit.\Uhen to you're awayfrom work. Diane paid attention to hers. talk with your spouse a closefriend about or them. lUork at trying to understandtheir rationale.particularlyyour listening skills.shemight If decide to give up the higher pay and execurivetitle to do what she doesbest-sell products.lNrrnnncrNc IN AcrroN: GETTTNG Ar-oNc ON THE lon ance sheet. duresand policiesbecause don'r work in isolation."If a rule doesn'tseemto make sense you individually or for the companyasa whole. for Make sureyour communication skills. you Much asyou may hate your policy handbook." \7e suggest you modify the words slightly: "Rulesare madeto be have to play by someoneelse's rules. Procedures and Policies Many ADDers harc to swallowthesebitter pills-unfortunarely there's no way to sweetenthem! Unlessyou own your company. Sunzival Tips: Act III Rules. "Rules are made to be broken.

you should demonstrateyour loyalty and dependability. don't move too fast.Keepyour impulsivity in check and proceed Just s-l-o-w-l-yand tactfully." about doing anything beyondswallowingyour objectionsand toeing the line. First.You MEnNI'r'.After you've eamedthe respect your superfor iors and coworkers. . Spendtime keepinga low \7ork on building positiverelationships. questioningpoliciesand procedures be a positivequality. can also work. Letting the bossthink shecameup with your idea is a time honored A method to facilitate change. This network is the office grapevinethat reflec$ the complexdynamics 178 . it out on a trustedpersonin the informal office network to seeif it's workable. least. you can forget .you can start making suggestions change.She can help you evaluateits factsbefore merits and confirm that you've included all the necessary you formally presentit. try If you have a greatproposal.because your boss.r Nor Lxzv. Sell Your Ideas: Although it's unwiseto challengeauthority at every can tum.And then listen. Much of the vital information is unwritten and is part of and an informal network of office politics."you probablywon't be in find out that old one is your boss's her goodgraces! Unwritten Rules. Arrive at work on time. On the other hand. rules.Don't start shakingthings up after you've beenon your new job exactlyforty-five minutes! No one in the companywill buy your ideasif you are an unknown quantity. if your superioroffersinformation you At had overlooked.". carefullyconceivedproposalthat focuses the benefitsfor her asan individual and the company asa on'll who is willing to negotiate. Make sureyou do your homework first. and don't take advanof tageof your sick days. SruproOn Cnazv?! proach the appropriatepersonwith your question. I'm If you receivethe response. profile and doing what you'reexpectedto do. If you without bothering to come up with a new systemfor order processing "baby.procedures policies.thank her for entertainingyour ideas.The have a readingon her assomeone door will be open for future exchanges. Procedures and Policies policy You won't find everything you need to know in the company's handbook. take one hour for lunch and not a minute more.

Follow the Unwritten Rules: If written policy dictatesthat memos shouldbe sent to Mr.lfe've focusedon communication asspokenwords and body language but in the workplace. Take it easy. bypassing the vice-president who is simply a figure-head. It won't sit well with your bossor employees if you fail to let them know what you're doing or forget to sharevital information. Get Inside the Inner Circle: If you have trouble figuring out the informal network. to The real chain of command may operatethrough her. S and Ms. we Review the information about communication skills and continually practice and rehearse. Usually the employees "the in know" are old-timerswho have eamedtheir statusand play their roles to the hilt.With detailed knowledgeabout the company and ready access the boss.You'll need to earn her respectto enter the inner circle.may wield enor.For instance. Our discussion and suggestions here will be the dimensions commuof nication that are somewhat unique to work settings. mouspower. Technology and Communication Since we've alreadytalked about the dynamicsof communicationin variousrelationships. develop a relationship with someonewho seems to know what'sgoing on.It holds the inside information about the real power structurein an organization.They'lI view you asan arrogantemployee who won't acceptauthority or considerthe opinions or feelingsof subordinates.a secretary who isn't officially high on the chain of command. T. Communication is the transmission messages of from one personor group to another. you may find her unwilling to divulge her knowledge. you may want to carry a small calendaror notebookwhereyou keep theseconfidentialmaterials. Make a list of theseinformal procedures. your checklistto be sure Use you'refollowing properformal and informal procedures. Better still.she may have great influence within the company. won't repeatourselves. if the unwritten rulescall for it. If you try to make an instant friendshipor start grilling someoneover lunch. R. though. Gradually draw her out to leam how the company operates. especially employees your work site if in don't lock their desks. They don't know or careabout your memoryproblemsand attention deficits. don't fail to sendone to Mr.INrsRrncrNc AcrroN: GErrrNcAr-oNcON TUElon IN of the peoplewho work is frequently in the form of 179 .

you can think 2.In a flash. You don't even have to wait impatiently at the door for the mail carrier. k won't pur gasin your car beforeyour business but it can remind you to do it! trip It will check the spellingand grammarof your lettersand sendthe contents. You cried: Eachof theseresponses illustratesthe disadvantages modem technolof ogy. tation and the printer.alreadyformatted. Businesses have alwaysrelied on written documen. 3.can send inquiriesand receiveresponses.'lif.SruproOn Cnazy?! written expression. If fax machineshad this capability.:ff""1. For the Bad News-Haqte youheardrhe jokeaboutthe employee who got his ne caughtin thefax machine and" ended in Neq.ilr*:#:fi:. You laughed: of at leastone personin your office who would routinely end up in anotherstate. memo is E-mailedand the report the is networkedlThis is anothergoodnews/bad newssituationfor ADDers. This isn't a reflectionof your IQ! It's mind-boggling how rapidly new methodsfor transmitting information have developed. you might have to usethe fax machine and telephone that have more buttons than the front of your shirt! 180 .""'e vou If fax machineshad this capability. Now there'sa high tech twist-the price sheetis faxed.particularly the computer.the ad is scanned. Yorkt Three uD things may have happened when you readthis little tidbit: 1.your computeror fax machine with a little help from the telephonecompany. For the Good News-High tech equipment. \Uhile this book isn't a training manualfor high tech equipment.Even if you approacha TV remotecontrol with fear and know that the personroutinely ending up in New York would be you.:". scanningand faxing may mean absolutely nothing to you..You MrnN I'u Nor Lazy. may be the best thing that's ever happenedto an wouldn't be completewithout a discussion about technology's impact on communication.E-mail. Nothins. networking.

when your cartoon of your bossDiane inadvertently ends ? up on her computer screeninsteadof your buddy's And finally. you communicatethrough a Macintosh computer with metaphors (visualchannel) and an IBM with words(auditorychannel). Briefly.If your office uses several different kinds of computers.What can and can't they dol How can you leam to usethem so you don't fax yourselfout of stateor maneuveryourselfout of a jobyou know. how can you usethem to your advantage? Computer and ADD Compatibility: Computersare similar to people. If you're starting out on either one and having a terrible time. don't jump to the conclusionthat you are computerilliterate! You and your 181 . "personality"and might have a choice about which kind to use. sizes and colors.Eachhas its own They come in a variety of shapes.INrrnrRcrNcIN AcrroN: GErtrNc Ar-oNcON TnE Joe WSLGOMG' Nrw voBh Let's take a quick tour of the world of high tech computersand their relatives.Matching your leaming styleto your computeris important.

Otherwise try using a tape recorderto "write" your first drafts. It can relieveyou of the tedium of details and becomeyour personalsecretary.In the appendixof this book we've listed severalavailable softwarepackages. for With the software. For example. at You shouldalsorememberto usesomeof the bypass strategies talked we about in previouschapters. You may find it very helpful in your job.You MrnN I'ruNor Lazy.Togetheryou may be able to write reportsthat outshineany either of you could producealone. Considerworking with a tutor or checkingout continuing educationclasses your local university.Your ideasmay flow more easilyif you talk first and write later. Even if you usespellcheckers and word processing programs. however.This isn'r exclusively a problem for folk with ADD. you can still usevarioustemplates your frameworkbut as will need to do the actualwriting yourself. If your responsibilities include writing reportsand other more complex documents. Check with your dealeror the adults in your support group for other suggestions. changethe namesand dates. If the writing requirements your job are primarily intemal memos of and business choosea template that matchesyour need.and presto-you have a polishedbusiness document. If dictate your letters.considerbuying an easyto usesoftware package of can collaboratewith a coworkerwho writes clearly but has problemsgeneratingoriginal ideas.SruproOn Cnnzy?! computermay simply have communicationproblemsbecause of learningstyles'incompatibility. Office Equipment and Cheat Sheets: Many peoplehave trouble usingmechanicalor technical equipmenr. for Don't forget to usebarteringasa tool to bypass your weak writing skills. Written Expression-Memos. you have a secretary. Show your work to a sympathetic colleague a critique beforeyou sendit out.Templatesare preparedgenericlettersfor everything from job order confirmationsto congratulations a colleague's might continue to have problemswith written expression. Remedialwriting classes may help you work on shakywriting skills. But someof the ADD differences do T82 . Letters and Reports: A compurer can perform incredible featsif you arc computer comfortable.'ve alsowastedvaluabletime.etc. with largegroupsof peopleor figuring out how to usea complicated telephonesystem. Although the symptoms levelsin the work may need to keep your set of directions in your deskdrawer.Make a list or and tape it to the top of the duplicating macchart of the procedures hine.L.This is true whether you'redoing math problems. you basketoverflowing with pages you wastedan entire packageof finally get it right! Not only have paper. bility and moodiness These symptomstypically get worseasdemandsfrom the environment can't be eliminated. with the wastereversed and printed upsidedown.their severity increase.You seethe directionsasyou usemulti-sensory perform them. express concem about the quality of her relationships that working with alike might complain Superiorsand subordinates her is difficult. which are. Related to this is an impaired memory. You probably should make a cheat sheetfor yourself. try to figure out the sourceof your stress.How many times have you approachedthe duplicatingmachineto hand-feeda two-sideddocument and couldn't rememberhow to do it? Ten tries later.Do the samething for the fax machine. If you sharethe machine with others. You might find that this memoryby-pass you because the system ultimately helpsyou to memorize procedure leaming asan anchor.Related Stress and ADD An ADDer's bossmay compliment her on the quality of her work but with coworkers. can be minimizedby managingstress programs useful management are The generalstrategies taught in stress but there are others more specificfor the unique problemsof ADDers. You've seenhow increasingcomplexity has an impact on your perforinteracting mance. Intrusionsof noisecan be very distracting 183 . you might be in If is the wrong vocation! Our guess that noiseprobablycontributesa greatdeal to your stress. Doors and Telephones: First.of course.INrERnRcrNc ActtoN: GgrttNc AI-oNc ON THE los compoundthe problem. Work.. the sourceis everythingaboutyour job. They are probablycommenting on her generalirritasymptomaticof her disorder.telephone.

Tb._\7hen detailedconcenrrarior. it may be wbrth it if you can minimizeyour stress during work hours. Explain to your coworkersthat you can't concentrateon detailed work when there is excessive noise. asan "r" "rr"il"bl. You may be thinking.Beforeyour scheduled telephonetime. take advantage it! There are important reasons keeping your door of for open.but I don't have any _"These control over my schedule" "l don't even have my own office". ideassoundgreat. You will win brownie points if you're only availableduring cerrain hours but are calm and welcomingwhen your door is operi. literally and figuratively.Even if this meanstaking someof your work home. the *oik is over.Your work quality and telephonemannersmight improve if you schedule designated a rime for handling telephonecalls.SruproOn Cnnzy?! and irritaring..You MEnNI'r. sameprinciple appliesro rhe telephone.r Nor LAZr. If you or work in an open_area whereyou can't closethe door. ten to music asyou work or a tape of white noise if music is distracting. active participant in the work environment. But you have to balance the need to maintain work relationships with your needfor quiet to handle the detailsof your job. If you have an office with a door you can shut for periodsof time.You haven'r closed iout dbor because you don't like your coworkers! Your shouldn't retreat behind your closeddoor any longer rhan absolutely_necessary. You don't have to tell them about your ADD. you'll have time to gathereverythingyou'll need to handle the calis in a friendly and efficient manner. An openeddoor sendsthe message that yor.Don't allow yourselfro ger so involved with a task that you snarl at a colleague who comesin for a consultation. open your door. is it possible for you to wearheadphones when you need to concentrate? You could lis.Then closeyour door. Many peopleare botheredby noise and will understandyour need to work without interruption.You'll accomplishmuch mo"re without the constant interruptions. 184 . Just make it clear that this is your problem.

INrEnrnctNc IN AcrtoN: Grt"rtNc At-oNc ON THrJon

if Your bossmight be more amenableto suggestions you offer them as producwaysto improve your efficiency.Document your increased really work. Again, you to convince her that thesestrategies tivity you'reconfident she'll act on unless don't have to shareyour diagnosis your disclosurein a positive way. If you feel that you have no control over your schedule,are you absohave experimented A lutely surethat's the case? number of corporations hours for employeephone calls.They have found with designated in that the decrease interruptions throughout the day improvesproApproach your bossabout this. Ask if your office or group ductivity. phone hours or even designated could experiment with designated quiet time for work that requiresheavy concentration. Talk with coworkersto find out if noise and interruptionsbother them. distracChancesare, they probably alsohave trouble with excessive tions. Enlist their support.You may be able to make changesin your for workplacethat will make the environment more user-friendly everyare to you, but thesestrategies taught in timeone. It may be surprising under You may elicit supportfor thesechanges managementcourses. the guiseof wanting to manageyour time more effectively. If you try everything and still can't control the noise and intermptions, rhink seriouslyabout looking for a new job or even a different line of level from a highly distracting environment can be a work. The stress threat to your mental health. Are you failing or is your work failing you? Miscellaneous Strategies For easeof readingwe've tried to group the managementstrategies The onesthat follow don't really fit anywhereelse,so into categories. we've includedthem togetherin this section. Thke Your Medicine: This probablygoeswithout saying,but if you make sureyou take need to take medicine to manageyour symptoms, it during your work hours. Your ability to handle details and interruptions will improve. Moreover, the condition of your finger nails and the anxiety of your office mate will probablyalsoimprove! As an ADD adult, you may not be in perpetualmotion anymorebut may have the masrered art of foot tapping, finger drumming and knuckle cracking.


You MEaNI'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnazy?!

This constant fidgeting can be exrremelyannoying to other people. Thesebehaviorsare definitely not conducive to improving interpersonal work relationships. Manage Your Symptoms: Actively work on your problematicADD behaviorsto decrease them or makethem lessnotic""bl". Try substituting a behaviorthat is lessdistractingto other people.Can you move your handsor swing your leg under the deskso that no one sees doing it? you Thppingyour fingersagainst eachother is quieterthan kickrng your desk or drumming your fingerson the desktop.Can you gnaw on the top of your pencil so you look asif you aredeeplyengrossed your work? in How aboutusingyour "closeddoor time" to spin happily on your desk chair?What about carefullyspaced trips to the warer fountain, file cabinet or duplicating machine?Volunteer ro run needederrands.Find acceptable excuses ger up from your deskperiodically. to


INrERrRctNclN AcrtoN: GErrtNc AI-oNc ON THeJon

Control Your Foot in Mouth Disease: Have you ever filed a medical It insuranceclaim for FootinMouthDisease? may not be on the list of you have ADD, you probablyhave coveredmedical conditions but if an itl This condition causes ADDer to spendmost of her life with at she leastone foot in her mouth because doesn'tmonitor what she says she saysit! It's no wonder she stumblesalong in work relationbefore ships.Hopping on one foot while extricating the other from the mouth makesit difficult to managethe detailsof a job! Of coursewe're talking about that troubling impulsivity of our ADD in that keepsgetting us in hot water.It got us poor grades conducton gradeasa man' our schoolreport cardsand getsDiane an unsatisfactory remarkor a poorly wordedmemo can makeenemies ager.A thoughtless and even contribute to the lossof a job. Our adviceto you on this one is to Be a S.T.A.R. You have to work hard to srifleyourselfat work. Monitor everyword that comesout of your mouth and think twice beforesayinganything. Beforeyou speak, remind yourselfto stop and think, look, and act or approachsomeone, you take action, reflecton the resultsof your actions.If listen. \fhen glue necessary, a largeS.T.A.R. on your desktopasa memory teaser for Stopping,Thinking, Acting, and Reflecting.It will take a lot of effort to pull this off. You may need to rewardyourselfby finding a likeyou can let off steamat mindedindividual you can trust. Together, lunch or during breaks in we Review Chapter 8 Again: All the issues discussed group and interfacing apply to the work setting.Refer to the strategies relationin the previouschapterfor continued work on interpersonal shipsand communication. The remainderof this chapter is a departurefrom the format we've to been following. We'll usethis discussion explorethe questionwe posedearlier:"Are you failing in your job, or is your job failing you?"

What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up?
looking for Have you ever pouredover the want adsin the newspaper job that matchesyour qualifications? How many times have you a


You MreN I'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnnzvl!

closedthe newspaper without respondingto even one inquiry because you couldn't find a match?Let your ADD imagination roam io, u ,rro. ment and pretend you've just seenthe following ad:

Fast growing company looking for one special employee! The perfect candidate will be someone who h.r, difficulty with rulesand authority, ineffectivecommunicationskills, trouble switching betweenasks, an intoleranceto noise, an inability to handle interruprions, an irritable, moody,unpredictableand impatient personality, an intrusive, impulsive and hyperactivebehavior style. Now, there'sa job_designed ADDers! But let'sget back to reality. for The chancesare slim to none that you'll ever come across ad like an that, Don't just tossit aside,though, until you take a closerlook. To do this, you'Il need to refer to your inventory again.Use your creative thinking and growing awareness your ADD of to hypo"drr".rt"g.i thesizeabout waysro useboth sidesof the equation.

impaired communication skills trouble switching with gears intolerance to noise


Positive Qualities?

difficulty rules authority I develops with possibilities solves and problems and with complexity I only excessive focus+ability onejobdone to get well I super focus+ability onejobdone to get wellI super if it'squiet

inability handle to interruptions I super job focus+ability one done to get wellin small setting irritability, impatience intrusive impulsive and hyperactive up getting things done I shaking complacency; setting; energizing I notsobadin a small things done: stimulating I getting


INrpRrRcrNcIN AcrtoN: Gt-rrlNc At-oNc ON THr lon

Whether you're twenty, forty or sixty yearsold, it's not too late to reasand liability sheetmay help Your asset someof your life choices. sess the you evaluatethe questionabout job failure.Perhaps job you'rein is deadwrong for you. Vocational Planning: For our young ADD adult readerswho are pay consideringtheir future professions, carefulattention to our want ad and list of positive and negativequalities.You may decidebased on your interestand math aptitude,that accountingis an obvious choice for you. Beforeyou spendsubstantialtime and money on a collegeeducation,give plenty of thought to your balancesheet.You If may love math but do you love detailsand paperwork? not, the you to tears.If your painstakingdetail of accountingwork may bore you aspect mathematics, of real love is the creative,problem-solving might be happierin certain kinds of engineeringor computerwork. do To avoid costlymistakes, your homeworkfirst. Check with your in local supportgroup about vocational counselors your area.There for specifically isn'r to our knowledge,vocational testing designed ADDers. But you may be able to latch on to a competentprofessional The information gainedfrom vocawith experiencein ADD issues. your balancesheetand help you make tional testingcan supplement about additionaltraining or higher education. important decisions If you can get by without the eamingsof a summerjob, considerusing your free time to do volunteerwork in your field of interest.You'll it by learn a greatdeal more about a profession experiencing firsthand than readingabout it in a book. you'reconsidering. Ask them detailed Talk to peoplein the profession questionsabout what they do every day.Find out what they like and dislike about their work and think abouthow this fim with your new selfknowledge.Are you cut out for spendingmuch of your working day committeemeetgradingpapers and going to endless writing lectures, If ings? not, you may needto rethink your decisionaboutusingyour love Perhaps becominga freelance of literatureto becomea collegeprofessor. writer would be a more rewarding,though lesslucrative,choice. If you want to attend collegebut have only a vagueidea of your future careerinterests,try to attend a university that offersa variety of degree


You MpnNI'ruNor Lezy,SruproOn Cnezy?!

programs. Talk with a collegecounselor about the course work in various programs. Creditsoften applyacross programs. can usecredits degree You you'vealreadyeamedin a new programif you decideto switch your major.If you plan carefully, you can savewastedtime, effiortand money. You're Grown Up and Still Asking: "What Do I Want to Do When I Grow (Jp?" Even if you've investedtons of money and time in your careerand current job, you don't necessarily have to throw it all away.Beforeyou decideto jump ship, thoroughly examineyour currenrsituation.In many careers, there is latitude for changewithin the profession. Psychiatric and community health nursing,for example,requirecreative problem-solving and a gestaltapproach. Unlike hospitalnursing,they don't includeextensive detail work. In teaching,possibilities exist for a changeof gradelevel or subjectmatter.There are alsooptions for supervisoryor counseling positions. Find Your Niche: Perhaps job you need is the one you already the have,with a twist. You might be ableto find or negotiatea job description that fits your abilities and offersunique benefitsro your company. You may be thinking about beginninga degree programin counseling you feel that you'rewastingyour peopleskills.Beforeyou acr because on your decision,considerpossibilities within your cuffenr organization. Many businesses offer training and consultationservices their emto ployees. Can you becomethe in-housetrainer or consultant? With your individual talentsand someseminartraining, you can offer your services a fraction of the cost your companytypically incurs in hiring at outsideconsultants. Your companymay even be willing to pay for the additionaltraining you'Il need. Match Yourself With Your Job-Start Your own Business: Maybe you'renot a perfectcandidatefor someone's want ad and will need to designa job to fit your qualifications. the oversupply rulesand Is of regulations coupledwith the snail'spaceof changein a largeorganization, unbearable? you shouldexplorewaysof working by and Perhaps for yourself. The difficultiesyou experience someone in else's business may disappear when the business your own. is You may be able to usethe niche you developed within your organi. zation asa jumping-offplacefor other business opportunities. you As


INrrRracrNc IN AcrroN: GETTTNG Ar-oNc ON THr los

you continue to collect a paycheckand gain invaluableexperience, can begin networking outsideyour company.You may at somepoint decide to go off on your own and contract with your previousemployer and other relatedbusinesses offer your services. to As a consulhnt, you have the advantage being your own boss.It can of be easier ignorearbitraryrulesand rigid peopleif you aren't a permto anent employee. You don't have to get caughtup in the office politics and can move on when policiesand peoplestartgettingon your nerves. And it's usuallyeasier be on your bestbehaviorwhen you'rein a new to situationonly for a short time. You may alsobe ableto retain someof the benefitsof workingfor someone else-use of office equipment,secretarial supportand the established network of business contacts. If you chooseto join the ranksof many ADD adultswho start their own businesses, it carefully.Thke a hard look at your balancesheet do and your list of perceivedfinancial needs.Can you affordfinancially and emotionally to live with lesswhile you work at developingyour own business? If you decideto take the calculatedrisk of working for yourself, your use list of assets explorepossibilities to that offer the bestmatch. Keep in mind that working on your own ofrersflexibility but requires long hours your business. alsorequires in the initial stages establishing great of It self-discipline. you'll needto be very careful With no time clock and policy handbook, to establish firm schedule a and set of rulesto keepyourselfon track. After you'vecompletedyour self assessment, the assistance a seek of professional help you develop a business plan for the first three to to five yearsof your new endeavor. business plan will provide the strucA ture, schedules task list an ADDer needsto stayon track. and Temporary Work: Rather than establishingyour own business, you might try temporarywork asa satisfactory compromisebetweenselfemploymentand working for someone else.In temporarywork, you "rent" your skillsby the hour, day or longerbut usuallywork for an agencythat employsa number of temporaryworkers.


You MpnNI'u Nor Lxzy.SruproOn Cnnzy?!

Temporarywork offersseveraladvantages. The ADDer can satisfya restless nature by changingjob settings frequently.Another advantage is the ability to control the hours of work. Many of us find a standard forty-hour,five-daywork week incompatiblewith our unique capacities. Some of us find full time work too taxing. Others prefer working for long stretchesand then taking largeblocks of time off. Many ADDers are alsonight people,unableto function well until the aftemoon.In temporarywork, unusualworking pattemscan often be accommodated. If you'refairly adaptable and can get alongwith peoplefor short periods of time, temping may work well for you. Of courseit doesn't offer carte blanche to do anything you please.If you're irresponsible about completingtasksor developa reputationfor being difficult, you'll stop getting assignments. If you have had a history of employmentfailure,useyour new selfknowledgeto reassess reasons it. Your awareness your balance the for of sheetcan help you realisticallyanalyze your situation,sortingout the problemsthat result from your behavior and those that are related to the behaviorsof others.You may be in a better position to figure out whether you have failed on your jobs or your jobs have failed you. Your new insightsmay even help you becomemore acceptingof the quirks of your colleagues. Your main goalsshould be to improve your work relationshipsand limit the time you spendin interactionsthat are difficult for you. You may decidethat you can and shouldmake somebehavioralchanges. You may decidethat you shouldchangeyour job or career. You may decide that you've alreadymadethe correct choicesand are happy with them. If you decidethat somechanges in order,move slowly and thoughtare fully. Although you need to baseyour decisions your individual on strengthsand weaknesses, don't forget to include your family in the decisionmakingprocess. Maintaining friendships, surviving in groupencountersand interacting job aren't easytasks.But developingintimate relationshipscan on the be even more difficult. In the next chapter,we'll tum to Interacting, Acts IV and V. \7e'11 watch somescenes taking place in dating and


INrrRnRcrNc Acrrox: GrrrrNc Ar-oNcON THEloe IN

family relationships. Thesehigher risk relationships sharesomeelements of the oneswe've alreadyexamined.But they are unique in their depth and complexity and requirespecialcareand nurturing. We'll offer some specificideasyou can useto make them work successfully.


Act Mhe Dating Game Sharon and Brad Sharonretums from work to the four messages Brad left on her answering machine.He callsher at work several times a day and showsup at her door with flowersand gifts. Sharondoesn'tknow it.CuRpren 10 lnterfacing6ction: ln ln theDatin€ and Garne theFarnilv Tn" "rules" of dating and family relationships similar to thoseof are groupand one-to-onerelationships. \fhen they are togetherthey 194 .And the stakes much are higher if the relationships fail.isunwilling to accepther decision.Brad falls deeplyin love-again and again.Angela beginsto orchestrate someconflicts that preventher from seeingSimon.She told him lastweek that shedoesn'twant to seehim anymore but he. The level of complexityand emotional investmentis very different.however.They are truly in love and Simon is planning the perfecttime and placeto propose to her. Angela and Simon Angela and Simon spendeverywaking hour together. He'ssurethat she doesn'treally mean it. As weekstum into months. Brad is heartbroken because knows that Sharon is the only woman with whom he wants he to spendthe rest of his life. He drivesto her apartmentcomplexlate eachnight and leaves notes under her windshieldwipers. but she is Brad's third "only woman I'11 ever love" in the pastyear. He met Angela just a few weeksagobut winesand dinesher almosteveryday.

an ADDer. believing that he can be emotionallywhole only when he has a "better halfl' Men and women alike can have unrealisticexpectations aboutbeing savedby relationship.He can't enjoy way he doesthe factsand figureson his sales' positive relationships and doesn'tgive himself time to considerhis needs-he never evaluates reality of his feelingsof love.Angela and Simon feel compelledto behaveasthey do. Although Angela probablydoesn'tchart her partners. Adults may behavethis The specificsymptomsand differences way for a variety of reasons. this t95 . conquests. projectsat Brad may approach new relationshipashe approaches his work-with intensity and impulsivity.this behaviorisn't unique to ADDers.she asksSimon to stopby her house.He may be accustomed makto ing quick decisionsand getting things done in a hurry.As the initial. but Angela is beginningto feel a bit closedin. she may have becomebored. He tells Simon that Angela is busy and can't seehim now.Although shegenuinely enjoyed Simon'scompanyduring the first months of the relationship.'We can only speculate aboutwhy Brad.INrERrRcrNcIN AcrroN: IN THE DnrrNc Gavr ANn TUE Favnv have a wonder{ultime. intensestimulationof her romancehasdwindled.all the actorsin the precedingscenes have ADD. Clearly. One afternoon. so hasher interestin it. the anotherman answers door. of however. to " Angela'sbehavior may reflect her insatiability. the Brad'sproblemswith his relationships may alsoresultfrom his batteredsense self.can engender lessthan admirablebehavior. Notes: Act IV With the exceptionof Sharon. intense affairs.\7hen he arrives.including Simon.He may be one of the walking of wounded. may leavea trail of discarded she as a reminder of her frequent. Unfortunately he doesn'tunderstandthat he can't control the women in his life the plans. She has an ADDer's tendency to become quickly in relationships absorbed and to becomeboredby them just as quickly.But the powerfulmyth of Prince Charming seems be an illusion with greaterappealto women.

Dating relationships vulnerableto an ADDer's intensity and imare pairedcommunicationskills.You MraN I'u Nor Lezy. Angela seems desperately to fight to protect her individuality which she thinks is threatenedby the closeness. you've beenpayingarrention-sorry.Angela would rather loseher love than her identity. An ADDer's chance to form an intimate bond is under.this callousrreatment is alsoself-destructive. asking stop about them. are delicatevariation on the theme of communication and interfacing. In most relationshipsthere'sa subtle or nor so subtle tension betweenthe desireto be closeand a fear of that closeness. mined by the reputationthat precedes him. Angela'sinsatiabilityaside. he runs headlong towardsit. we couldn't help if it-you know how we feel about doom and gloom. He drivesthe relationshipwith his needfor closeness. While Angela nrns from a closerelationshipwith Simon.SruploOn Cnnzy?! Apart from the moral issueof hurting other people. Synopsis:Act IV pretty gloomy. The ADDer. Simon'simpulsivity may alsoplay into the demiseof his relationship with Angela. Over time even friendswho previouslyenjoyedhearingabout the escapades. Given time.His enthusiasm sparklecan be a srrong or magnetthat initially attractshis love interesr. it's possiblethat her love for Simon would win out over her fearsof closeness. They are danceschoreographed with intricate stepsand have greatpotential for disaster. The Don Jwn (or DomtaJwn!) lifestyle is initially exciting but getsold and lonely after a while. comfortablewith the t96 . Simon seems desperately to fight for closeness. Intimate relationships a sensitive. his level of intensity can suffocatehis lover.doesn'rit? Is it time to head our to a hermir's It sounds hut? \7e11. shemay be terrified that Simon will "swalIow" her individuality. It's fine for disaster movies on the big screenbut it's counterproductiveto your recovery. shenever getsthe chance But because Simon'sintenseneedfor closeness the precarious tips balance of their relationshipmuch too quickly.But over time. She'sleft gaspingfor breath and backing awayto get somespace.

he can suffera serious blow to his fragileself-worth.The risk can be greaterfor the ADDer who hasfailed so many timesand in so many differentways. Even with changingroles.he must teach himself to control his impulses and slow down. In a romantic or sexualrelationship.may not recognize lover'sneed for a gradualprogreshis sion to closeness. Unlesshe is good ar finding peoplewho sharehis intensity.\ L-i " \ \ {t\ intensepace.His generalized feelingsof inadequacy.INrpnrecrNc AcrroN: IN Tur Dnrnc Gavr ANn THEFnvny IN I /. can She may believe that the only escape route from her demandinglife is 197 . can explodewhen he bares soul and body to a partner.When he daresto revealhimself his to a lover who subsequently rejectshim. Someadultsexperience ongoingdifficultiesin intimate relationships because they regardthem assafeports from their feelingsof individual risksrevealinghimselfbig time! Everyoneshares this risk which is the inherent narureof intimacy.many familiesstill condition their daughters to believethat the rolesof wife and mother will prorecrthem. An ADD woman'slife of negativeexperiences reinforcethis myth.bome of differences he'snever understood.

..while my friend remarriedand divorced. Beforethe ink wasdry on her divorce degree.I wasvery patient. shewould call me to describe new love.\fhen he finally arrived." SomeADDers do just fine with intimate relationships-you may be involved in a positive. in For four years. you may be taking sometime to regroupafter a relationshipyou'vechosento end.fulfilling one right now.You MenNI'ruNor Ll'zy.She comesto view a partner as a lifeline or safetynet and may scaresuitorsawaywith the weight of her clinging dependency. did saveme but not in the way I had imagined. My sightswere set on reality haschangedconsiderably. I sat waiting for my knight in shining armor. I truly believedthat he was my lifeline-l knew with my whole being that I would drown without him. more self-reliantme into it. Eighteenyearsand two children later. SruproOn Cnnzy?! through a weddingring and then a diaperbag. No.I'm surethe only reasonmy dependency didn't totally overwhelmhim wasthat he was so incrediblyindependent. To saythis waspainful is putting it mildly. she invariably fell in love again. \7hen my lifeline tumed into a weightedanchor that dragged under me insteadof securely holding he. On 198 . Though we ADDers aren't known for our patience. I cut it loose. I alsocut everypicture of PrinceCharming out of my daughter's storybooks. Incrediblywe're still togetherand the we is still a big part of us. I ignoredhis repeated wamingsthat he wasin love with someone elseand really wasn'tinterested a long term relationshipanyway. I changedthe equationby addinga stronger. This wasthe one! I often enviedher ability her to find so many suitablematcheswhile I found myselfhung up on one from which I couldn't extricate myself. not because andme did ultimately becomeoue. I knew that my tortured selfesteem would be healedonly when I had his name. PR: "A closefriend of mine hasbeenmarriedand divorcedthree times.he came in the form of a newly divorcedman involved in a new. in spite he but of it! BecomingMrs.After her seconddate with a new man. I didn't divorcehim. Or. As she continued falling in and out of love. intenselong-distance relationship. I hung around waiting for my reluctant love to fit me into his busysocialcalendar.

INrtRnRcrNc IN AcrroN: IN Tut DRrrNc Gavr ANo THE Fnvny the other hand. you'll needto approachintimate relationships you do everythingelseas with carefulplanning and ongoing moniroring. Here are a few pointerson successfully playingthe dating game.back off 1. act and reflect. to Even if you immediatelyset your sights on your new love in1s1s51-as both did on our spouses-playhard we to get for a while. underBy standingthe dynamicsof your disorder. you may be able to figure going wrong."l love you" after just a few dates!\Uatch your partner'ssignalsfor cluesabout the pro. the hard ro ger approachis jusr a variation of learningto stop. Survival Tips: Act IV Play Hard to Gefi You should never utter the words. This keepsthe desireand fear of closeness proper in balanceuntil the other personhas time to catch up with your willingnessto make a commitment! This approach may soundsomewhat manipulativebut it doesn'thave an evil intent.To a certain extent.99 .think. can out what's you be preparedthe next time you meet someone special.Use the dynamicsof approachand withdrawal of behaviors your advantage. gress the relationship. \7hy should relationshipsbe of any different? After all. you may be strugglingwith repeated failuresin your attemptsto connect with a significantother. Keep your finger on the pulseof the relationship. Having clarifiedour message-an important part of positive communi. for We didn't useour storiesto illustrate what will go wrong in your relationshipsbut what might go wrong.If your partner seems'll need to analyzethe reasons your stop and think beforeyou act. If you are. If you'reawareof potential hazards. cation -we'll look at somewaysto avoid the pitfalls and improve the quality of your relationships. Let'sfaceit. an ADD adult has to carefullyplan many aspects his life to make them work.right? Monitor the Relationship: Spontaneityis a lovely thing but ADDers can get in trouble when freedomreigns. An ADD adult'sdifferences can contributeto problemsin maintaining intimate relationships.

Talk to a trustedfriend who seems be in control of his life.You MrnN I'v Nor Lazv. just Stop and Think: If you'refeelingrestless thinking about suchan unbearably slow paceof a relationship.Remind yourselfto listen to your partner. Work at your communicationskills.askquestionsto draw her out and pay attention to moodsand sexuallyffanscan causelife threateningtrouble! In this day of serious mitted diseases. You can chasea love require Relationships interestawaywith your apparentindifference. The challengefor an ADDer is to continual work and maintenance. Use this information to make a vow to wait x-amount of time before taking any of thesesteps. Dontt Lose the ttMett in '(!Vett' Be sureto maintain your usualinnew.How long doeshe think a personshouldwait before having sex. sponsor a helpsthe individual stick to his program. your rulesfor dating behavior. In many supportgroups.useyour imaginationand conwho of with siderthis. sustainattention to the relationshipover the long haul. You may need to make somerulesfor yourselfto prevent impulsive to decisions. you call on when you'rehaving Your friend could becomethe sponsor trouble sticking with your program.It's wiseto wait a while beforebeginningany sexualrelationship. This will alsohelp you maintain your own identity.SruproOn Cnezv?! and lighten up! \Uhen the intensity level is too high. more than emotionalwell-beingis at stake. Visualizea wholeLifetime restlessness a spouse you to death! Visualize giant vise systematically bores a tightening 200 .ie. Ask for his advice.saying"l love you" or living with a new romantic interest? Ask how long he thinks a personshouldknow a lover beforemarriage. Watch Your Impulsivity: Impulsivebehaviorcan createan assortment of problemsin an ADD adult'slife. Enlist your friend'shelp with your vow. be lessavailable for a while. Don't swing too far in the other direction either. In a sexualrelationship.This will help you keep a when you begin dating someone terests reasonable distancefrom the relationshipto prevent your total immersion in it.

unh"ppy situation. KK: "'When I wasin my '20's." Act V.Justmake surethat you make rhe decisionfor the right reasons-out of choice. Tiy to enjoy your evening of dinner and dancing without visualizing yourselfat the altar! !7atch out for your yeamingsfor Prince Charming! We know we're repeatingourselves the trap is so tempting that it can snareyou but beforeyou realizeit's happening.Don't do it because you feel you can't do anything elseor wanr a way out of your currenr.This comment isn'r a condemnation of the weakness women.particularly if of children are involved. You are worth too much to throw awayyour progress of by impulsivelyhooking up with someone who is wrong for you. easyto indulge it's in fantasies about marriageasan escape route.INrpRracrNc IN AcrroN: IN Tue DRlNc Gnur ANo THE Fnvty down and squeezing all your hard work at recoveryand rebuilding out your sense self.I enjoyedthe experience wrthout losingmy se[festeem.\7e'11 introduce 701 . I kept a part time job asa psychiatricnurse. Debunk the Prince Charming Myth: This one is for women who grew up believing the myth. Scene 1: Interfacing in the Family Now we'll examinethe most complexkind of relationship. It's a reality of a world that still teaches of women to dependon men for their salvation. I didn't suffer from doubtsabout being justa motherasmany of my peersdid.I didn't know about ADD then but did have a sense that my survival and self-esteem depended my having a sense competence.I madea rule that I wouldn't get married or have children until I had found a sarisfuing way ro supportmyself. I think this wasbecause had madea clearand conscious I choice from a posi. tion of strengthrather than weakness. Motherhood wasa joyful choice rather than a retreatfrom a world I couldn't handle. on of As an older mother. The consequences an impulsive marriagecan be heavy. Don'r look ar everydate as a srepping stone to marriage. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife or mother. knowing I could go back to full-time work at any time. \Uhen the going getstough in schoolor in careers.

The family includesJan. she's becomingincreasingly rebellious. She and her mom don't arguea lot but they have a tenuousrelationship. doesn'tmake He waves.Each of the five membersof the family has ADD although eachhasslightly different problemsassociated with it. A*y and her dad have an explosiverelationshipsincethey both regularly fly off the handle. He eamsa ongoing financial crises. to Amy The oldestdaughterA-y.r Nor Lnzy. chronic underachiever. Zacharyand Jennifer. Having few reserves energyto gain of control of her life.He's anxiousmost of the time ?. He flips back and forth from an enthusiastic. A-y.not even attempting to hide her low opinion of her mother. shemanages do little more that surviveeachday. Tom has a Jeckleand Hyde personalitythat changesat the drop of a hat. is an extremelybright. a successful estatebroker. refusing to take her Ritalin and hangingout with a groupof kids who take extremelyrestless.You MEaNI'r'.02 . withdrawn alwaysa bit afraidof him. fungrouch.She has trouble organizing householdand disciplining the the children.Tom and their three biologicalchildren. Tom hyperactive Tom.A*y treatsJan with contempt. Zachary Ten yearold Zacharyis quiet and rather passive.SruproOn Cnazy?! you to the Bakerfamily to help us explorethe unique issues family inter' of actions. She is so overwhelmedby the demands life that she of just lets them washover her. her of impulsivity and hyperactivity. space cadet. real good living but the family experiences and irritable.Everyonein the family spendsthe rnoney asquickly as he can earn it. She has alwaysbeen a maverick. She can't understandwhy Mom is so wishy-washy about everything.He struggles school and receives in only mediocregrades despite putting in long hoursdoing homework.At 13.She has problemsfollowing rulesand fitting in with other children. Jan She is more of a gentle Jan isn't particularlymoody or hyperactive.Amy shares dad'ssymptoms moodiness. She'scontinually in trouble at home and at school.Junand the children are loving man to an irritable.

He'sshy and has trouble making friends. She'sfairly of hyperactive doesn'tdisplaythe irritability and moodiness her but of fatheror sister. His psychologist recommended intensivetutoring but the family never has enoughextra money to hire anyone. cartwheelingor dancing around the housemuch of the time. Scene 1 Marriageand child rearingpresentall the challenges we've already discussed then some!The intricacy of the danceof family relationand shipsis dramaticallymore complexthan that of groups. Th"y figurethat at leastthey have one normal child even if she isn't anv smarterthan the rest of their kids.severeallergies and frequentstomachaches. entertainingher peersand keepingher teachers busylaughingthat they ignoreher difficulties so with schoolwork. would like you to consider we thesenew math facts.Are you ready? 1 + 1> 7 7 + l=4 Z + 7= ll plus 'We're not going to tell you quite yet what these equations mean. Her grades even worsethan her brother's. but 203 . friendships or romantic interactions. They work so hard at just surviving that they don't have time to worry about their youngest child. At 8 yearsold. Jennifer Jenniferis the baby of the family and her parenrsrreat her that way.Jan has taken on the job but can't do it with any regularitybecause she'sso over. Her teachers assume that shejust isn't very bright. no are but one getson her caseabout it.She channelssomeof her excess energyinto gymnastics. Notes: Act V. Zacharywasevaluated and diagnosed with multiple leaming disabilities and ADD. So Tacharystruggles alongwithout the educational help he needs. They place few demands her. whelmedby the detailsof her life. At schoolshehasbecomethe class clown. Her parentsare busyarguingwith each other and with A*y.INrpnrncrNc IN AcrroN: IN TUE DarrNc GaurEANo THp FRvrr-y and has a number of health problemsincluding asthma.In this regard. she'sa delightful child on with a sunny personalityand an engagingsense humor.

If we add a spouse with ADD to the picture. placid baby. There are often unrealisticexpectations that the spouse fulfill the rolesof Saviot Mother. Jan and Tom weredelightedto find eachother and had an exciting courtship. ruleschangeand the the complexity and intensity of the relationship increasewhether or not either hasADD. Even if Amy had been a calm. . This brings us back to the answers our equations.It depends the questions are on Therapist.BestFriend.04 . An innocent remark can sparkan argumentabout a pasthurt or unresolvedconflict that had an impact on the relationship. Further complicatingthe relationshipof a couple.Sort of.Communications are colored with memories.You MEnNI'u Nor Lnzv.SruprnOn Cnezv?! you're the answers correct.The transformationthey experiencedis certainly not unique to ADDers..Expert will Lover.Janloved the spontaneityof impulsivetrips to the beach and phone callsat 3:00 a.even thosewho carefullyplan their families. a ?. Father. etc.m. Tower of Strength. Tom loved havingJan help him rememwith his opinions.the relationship can changeunpredictably.\fe'll get back to this in a few paragraphs.They are correct in if we askthe following questions: plus Wlwt doesone spouse one spouse eqtal? does coupleplusonechildequalt one \Y'/hat V{hat doesonecoupleplustwo childreneqtal? that their problemsresultedfrom babyAmy's Jan and Tom assumed constantcrying. ber to put gasin the car and agree When A*y wasbom in the first yearof their marriage. As soonastwo individualsbecomealegalnr.both good and bad. Virtually all parents.particularlyastime goeson.sayit's impossible imagine to the magnitudeof the changesthat occur with the birth of a child. they seemed to becometotally different people. . A difficult infant can definitely add stress a relationto ship.our couplewould have experienced transformationin their relationship. . is the history they have shared.

wife and first child husband. first and secondchild wife. the relationships betweenand among family members becomeincreasingly complicated. The complicarions grow not arithmetically. The dyad of husbandand wife altersthe one:onerelationshipof pre-maffiage days 7.INrERrRcrNcIN AcrroN: IN TUE DRrrNc GnuE ANo Tup Favny With the addition of eachchild.wife and child The Couple+Two Children = husbandand wife husbandand first child husbandand secondchild wife and first child wife and secondchild first and secondchild husband. Let'slook at what happens the number of relationto shipswhen you add children to a family: The Couple = husbandand wife (plus their individual + s.but geomerrically. This may be why parenrs often saya secondchild addsmore than just double the work of an only child. first and secondchild husband. first and secondchild Synopsis: Act V Scene1 If computerprogrammers think it's difficult to inrerfacean IBM" and a Macintosh]' we wonderwhat they would think about interfacinga family unit. They would have to programindividual personalities interto facewith the multiple relationships amongfamily members. wife and secondchlld husband.05 . wife.llective "baggage") The Couple+One Child = husbandand wife husbandand child wife and child husband. The extra work doesn'rhave nearly asmuch to do with extra laundryor meal preparationasit doeswith an explodingnumber of relationships.

we hope the discussion help you clarifii will and better understandthis dimension of your life. but to help you think about someimportant issues.the potential for discordand communication breakdownis enormous. Doesthis mean that the equation of ADD adult(s) + children = disasterl Absolutely not! It only meansthat the stakesmay be higher and the pitfalls deeperand more treacherous. You may be a wonderful parent! ADDers are lively people. If you already have children. What if you alreadyhad children beforeyou knew anything about ADD? you never considered What if having a family is what you do because not having one?Well.You MpnNI'v Nor L. In a family like the Bakerswhere severalpeoplehave the disorder. The Job of Parenting: ADD adultshave strengthsand weaknesses when it comesto parenting.l Planning this areaof your life may be THE most important job you have.Many adoptiveparentscan attestto this.Many can respondto the challenges of child rearing with incredible enthusiasmand avoid the pitfalls by leapingenergetically over theml A decisionasimportant aswhether to bring a new human being into this world-into your world-must be made verycarefully.You must stop and think about your balancesheetof strengths and weaknesses.+zv. you'recertainlynot alone! Many peoplehave children because their religiousor family script teaches them dramaticallyaltersthe dimensionsof the family unit and exponentially ups the ante aschildren are bom. What if you would have loved to plan your family better but medicalscience failed and you ended up with an unplanned pregnancy? Our goal isn't to establishourselves critics of your religiousprinciples as or contraceptivepractices. You will need to examineyour ADD balance sheetand consider how it fits with parentingand the math of family relationships. RaisingADD children is a challengingjob that taxesthe resources of non-ADD parents. SruproOn Cnezv?! even beforechildren add to the complexity of interpersonal relationships.A typical balancesheetfor an ADD parent may look somethinglike this: 206 . Since ADD tendsto run in families.

On the other hand. your spouse.ontrol rocket a more treacherous 707 . qualifiesyou asa provider of may still require too much nurturing for yourself.You might effectively useyour compassion open-mindedness roll with the inevitable and to punchesof parenring. Parenting-has been compared a scary. you can m_ight becomea parent who yells a lot or is grouchy much of the time. unpredictable roller coasterride.Your child's personalityand the interrelated profiles of you. angry personcamefrom. you might take advantage the wonderful "imma.climb on the monkey barsand sing aloud in the grocerysrore without questionable looksfrom other people. parenting becomes joumey. and your offspringall have impacts. It's like guiding an out of . The addednoiseand stress having childr"n -"y'push butronsthat of weren't pushedbefore.You may be unable to provide the carefulguidance your ADD child needs.You might look at your reflection in a mirror and wonder where the mean..!7ith your children in tow. yo. Ann. Their highstrungtemperaments requirespecialhandling. to exciting. In somerespecrs will your own ADD uniquely. haven'r if yet achieveda workablebalancein your life. of turity" everyoneusedto criticize. \7e submit that when ADD is an issue. Your effectiveness a parentwill be testedby the genericprobability as that one or more of your children are likely ro hav. You have insight unavailableto your non-ADD peers.INrrRrncrNc AcrroN: IN THEDRrrNcGnur ANo TnEFRvrr-y lN SrnnNcrHS active creative open-minded compassionate senseof wonder curious enthusiastic passionate WnexNEssES impatient moody intolerant of noise and chaos careless with details shakycommunicationskills limited capacityfor work + srress easilybored impulsive disorganized good sense humor of How doesthis balancesheetplay out when you becomea parent?It's hard to saywith certainty. however.

208 . Your parents probablycomplainedso often about your poor planning and teachers that the very word makesyou uncomfortable. '!7e Can we leam any lessons from this surveyof the family dimension? think the most important one is the need for planning. Survival Tips: Act V.As much asyou may dislike planning.Rather.You MEnNI'v Nor Lnzv.The job of parentingis too important to leaveto chance.carefulspacingallowsyou to absorbthe impact If of eachchild on your capacityto handle the additionaldemands.Use the following considerations a frameas work for your "PlannedParenting".SruptoOn Cnazv?! ship at the speed light towardsan unknown destinationlIs this necesof and sarilyso bad? Justthink of all the teacherconferences emergency room visits our parentswould never have madeif it hadn't beenfor usl \7hat would they have done with all that extra timelJust think how boring the world would be without us. it's probably the singularlymost important thing you shoulddo for yourself. This has nothing to do with the psychologyof spacingas it affectsa child's adjustment. Scene 1 Spacing of Children: Carefully considerthe spacingof your children.

you won't have an option in this regard. you'll need to think about the addedexpenses may incur. Realistic Assessment of Effort and Money: Do your homework.They are illustrativeof the complexityof family relationships when ADD is addedto the mix. Spacingbuysyou rhe time you beyond need to make a wisedecision. tutoring.If you and your parrner plan carefullyrlour family relationshipscan be satisfyingonesthat add to the quality of your life. of you may be pushed your limits beforeyou know it. productiveadults. Your children can become enterprising. speech therapy. Act V. General Strategies: What resources availableto lighten rhe load? are Are there relativesliving nearbywho arewilling to help?Can you reduce your financial obligations Can you organize work load so eachpar? the ent can have periodicbreaks? lUhen you add children ro your life. You'll be able to pass to your children your valuable. Make sureyou are handling what's aireadyon your plate beforeyou dish up another serving.especially parentsof ADD children. He may needamongother services.hard-earned on knowledgeabout overcomingobstacles.But when ADD is part of the financial picture. pensive. 209 . go back over this lisr. Everyoneknows that children are ex. psychological medicine or counseling.INrERrRcrNcIN AcrroN: IN Tup DRrrNc GnuE ANo THr Favny you have several children in the space a few years. actions. Personal and Financial Resources: If you and your spouse wanr ro continue full-time employment.can you both emotionallyhandle the secondshift of parenting? not. Post This List and Reread it at Frequent Intenzals: Each time you consideradding a child to your family. you needto be even more ruthless aboutsimplifuingit to maintain balance. Ask other parents. can you survivefinancially if one parIf ent has only a part time job or staysat homeI Of courseif you're a singleparent. about the work and money it takesto raisechildren. Your child may need you extrahelp. Scene 2: Interfacing in the Family In the following scenes we'll offer a glimpseof the Baker family's inter.

A-y headsdown the hall for a showerand lets loosea string of epithetswhen Zacharywalks in to brushhis teeth. becomes he increasingly exasperated her seeming disinterest. shoves her off the bed and feelsonly mildly remorsefulwhen Jennifer scrapes her knee on the way down. Jan day.She is reprimanded for being so rough and slinks out of the room wondering why her mom and dad rejectedher affection.eachmemberhas to of have his fair shareof both. Notes: Act V Scene 2 The Bakerfamily includesfive peoplewhoseindividual deficitscollecAll tively combine to create Chaos theCul-de-Sac. the family is to live peacefully If together. who is a moming person. When she doesn't by respond. Tom walks in and startsto tell her someexciting news about work. When his raisedvoice finally elicitsJan'srequestto "wait a minute". Now fully awake. Families who live under the sameroof shareboth physicaland emotional spaces. Amy and Zachary room and pounceson the bed to give Jenniferrushesinto her sister's A*y a morning kiss. Each of the Bakershas a poor sense physicaland emotional boundaries and impulsivelyinvadeseachother's zrc . chats to him non-stop and reminds him that it's garbage Tom finally looks up from his paperand announcesthat the garbage needsto be taken out. Jan and Jennifer at table.SruprpOn Cnnzv?! Jan.You MpaNI'u Nor Lnzv. he leavesthe room in a huff. Tom and Zachary Jan is tutoring Zachary at the dining room table. Tom.A-y who is just beginning to wak€ rp. Jennifer. Jan testily repliesthat if he'd been listeninghe would know that she'sawareof that fact. families share on someof their problems-balancing the rights of individual members with the needsof the largerfamily unit. drinking his first cup of Tom sitsbleary-eyed the breakfast coffeeand trying to read the newspaper. Jennifer suddenlyappears out of nowhere to give her startledparentsbearhugs. The Bakerfamily has an extra layerof sharedADD disabilitiesthat makesthis balancingact particularly difflcult.

someone If the circle may becomehuge even for loved onesasyou sendout the ttStay Awaytl For an ADDer.Most of us understandits obvioussignificancebut what about the subtle rrorr-Verbal requests privacy?Many of us for I with ADD misreadthese"signs". the circle sometimesinexplimessage: cably widenswhen he can't stand to be touched or to allow anyone in his immediatevicinitv.What can an ADD family such asthe Baker'sdo to make its home more of a haven for the peoplewho live there?The first order of business to seea family therapist. Thesenon-verbalsignsare the invisible circlesthat peopledraw around their bodiesfor privacy and protection. is 7tr .The circlesdefine the perimeter "Don't come any closerthan of personalspaceand convey the message: the circle I have drawn around me.the Bakersimpulsively physicalspaces. of a desirefor privacy. each personhas a unique need for space. trounceon eachother'sfeelingsand invadepersonal Since the whole family has ADD. I Synopsis: Act V Scene 2 Awareness and respectfor theseinvisible circlesrequiresgood nonof verbalcommunicationskills. jostle and literally stepon eachother'stoesasthey repeatedly missboth obvious for and subtle requests space. circumstances and relationship to the other person.Privacyis ashard to come by in this family aspeaceand quiet are. Most ADD familiesexperience somedegree difficulty in their interof actions.Lacking theseskills. you'reangryor dbpressed. ttKeep Outtt is a fairly clearstatement A closeddoor or a sign that says.The experienceof living in this kind of family is feeling intruded upon and overwhelmed. The diameter of your own circle constantly changesaccordingto your mood. they bump." These circles aren't fixed in time and space.INrrnracrNcIN AcrroN: IN THEDarwc GnuEANo THr Fnvny territory.The circle narrowsto encourage a lover or a beloved child to get closeand widens to keep the sffangeror you a safedistance. Acting on autopilot most of the time. Each personalsohas an inability to prevent his needsfrom colliding with the needsof everybodyelse.

and vide the necessary structureand nurturing. know we're showing our agesmany peopleunder 35 have never even playedwith one! Anyway. As the inevitable happens. They need an objective outsiderto analyzeand balancethe needsof the family asa unit with the individual needsof family members.You MEnNI'v Nor Ltzy. Survival Tips: Act V. The following discussion includesspecificsuggestionsfor improving communication and managingboundary issues. that's wonderful. The room suddenlystartsto shrink in sizeaspeople and hula hoops begin to take up space.put it around you to demonstrate your personalcircle. 712 . if you have a hula hoop lying around. you increase we'renot suggesting '!fe'rethat the squarefootageof your houseor apartment! talking about carefullydesigningsufficientemotional living spaceso that family memberscan coexistwith relativeharmony.The next time he startsto intrude on someoneelse.Right now. Ask eachfamily memberto picture himself surroundedby his own personalhoop. Each family membershould put rhis imagein his memory bank for future reference. Scene2 Creating Living Space Large Enough for the People Who Share It When we talk about living space. Teach Respect for Boundary Needs: Suggest that your family vis'We ualizea boundaryas a hula hoop. '!7e can't emphasize enough that treating a troubled family is not a doit-yourselfenterprise!A Band-Aid approachmay remporarilyslow down the bleeding but it won't stop the hemorrhage!If your family is really in trouble. everyonestartsto move around in the space. the family is too stressed chaotic to pro.There'sa fair amount of confusionashula hoops start bumping into each other. The therapist'sjob is to help the family system becomehealthier so it can better meet the needsof each member. There are severaltechniquesyou can useto supportand build your family system. SruproOn Cnazyl! This family has been in trouble for a long time. get professional help ASAP! If your family is basicallyokay and needsonly minor adjustments.

Look.In a small apartment. tuavcff zt3 9aoFo .and Laugh! Design Rest and Relaxation Zones: In many families. Listen.the hall or zone. there are The den may "belong" to the unwritten rulesregardingprivate space. parents-the children understandthat this spaceis Mom and Dad's from i"tr""t. the children often usetheii bedroomsasescapes the demandsof the family.q. o occupationof a personal h. .this space half of a sharedbedroom. "Seeing" Dad in a hula hoop might just be enoughto makejunior Stop.urANo THr Fevllv he may be able to call up the hula hoop imagein his mind. ADD families need to establishwritten rulesregardingthe boundaries of privacy.Each memberof the family should have his own designated could be the balcony. and needsa private retreat-a placethat is off-limits to everyone to Lunch" or "TemporaryShutdown" signscan indicate current "Out zone.Each family memberhas a right to privacy else.INrrRrncrNc IN AsrroN: IN THr DRrtNc G. Similarly. .

Require Each Family Member. The samerules apply about being touched. A soundproof room for noisy equipment would be ideal but most homes don't have this luxury. nication betweenfamily members. he shouldn't be interrupted exceprfor an emergency. An untied shoestring can be an emergency an ADD child.Someof thesesuggestions may be helpful: rSet Aside Speciftc Time Periods for Quiet when the TV should be tumed off and the answeringmachine tumed on. an If zr4 . Includittg Parents. Designated QuietZones: You should also designate specificquiet zonesin your home asplacesfor reading.other family membersshouldn't talk to him or expect a response. bers. This areashould alsobe asfar awayaspossiblefrom the quiet zones.The television and stereoshould be in an areawith a door that can be closed.studyingor resting.Insist that everyone refer to the list beforeintemrpting a conversationin progress. \Uhen he makesthe request.You MrnN I'u Nor Lnzy. You may need to discuss for and make a list of real and perceivedemergency situations. Develop a family schedulewith designated times for studyingor other quiet pursuitsas well astimes to be togetherasa group. to Ask Per. olmpose a Stop-Look/listen-Speak 'lUhen Procedure for all commu. a conversationis in progress. If someoneis doing somethingthat requiresconcentration. oDetermine What Constitutes an Emergency. Rules for Communication and Respect for Boundaries: You can'r take anything for grantedin an ADD family! You need to designstructured rulesto protect the emotional and physicalcirclesof family mem. One option is to establisha rule that TV or stereousersmust useearphones. Each personhas a right to state his need for space. oObsenze a Period of Silence when the noise level is too high or emotions are getting out of control.If someonedoesn'twant to be touched.SruprnOn Cnazyl! This provision for down timeis essentialto forestall the negativebehaviors of frustration. the personenteringthe room must wait until he'sinvited to join in. mission beforeborrowing anything from someoneelse. . such asreading or paying bills.his wishesmusr be respected.

their teasingcan members into perceivedfull-scaleattacks. if family membershave to strain to hear. The intended recipient of this one-wayconversationhas to around listen to a programthat fadesin and out or follow the speaker contribute to are on his travels. Preferably. All requests stop teasingmustbe joke shouldn'tbe labeleda party pooperor The butt of the respected.On the run conversations rude and miscommunication.Be carefulnot to over.Prohibit All "On The Run" Conversations. isn't conducive to effective communication. First. interruption is necessary. The center the spaceshould have a counter or deskfor a writing surface. The best location is near a phone with an answeringmachine.a large calendarand an ample supplyof paper and pens.a method for filing mail and important should include papers. ADDer can have enoughtrouble without the addedburden of trying to messages sendingand receiving talk to someonein another room. ouse Intercoms. oSet Up a Message Center in a prominent it. The kitchen may be a good place for this as it's often the center of family activities. attention by gently tapping him on the shouldet wait Get the person's and then excuseyourselfbeforeyou begin to talk. You might want to invest in someintercomsto communicatewith people in other parts of the house.Prohibit All Long Distance Conversations except for announce. Thlking to someone while you rush to finish a task. ments that the houseis buming down! Yelling up the stairsor shouting from another room to find someoneis a no-no.INrERrRctNc IN AcnoN: IN THe Detnc Gnue ANo THe FRutlv everyoneshould abideby the following rules. A buzzingintercom everyfive minutes can be as annoying asa bellowingvoice! . oEnforce a Rule to Prqhibit Unwanted Teasing or Joking about ADDers often read the literal meaning of individual family members. for a response .Teasingcan feel like quickly escalate to torture and must not be's not funny. poor's rude! Yelling upstairsto ger someoneto come down is a lot like calling the dog-and it feels like it too. and messages missthe intended meaning. a bulletin board.Since impulsiveADD family often fail to notice the discomfortof others. If a joke hurts someone. Second. There are two reasons for this. zt5 . they will freAn quently misinterpretthe message.

It's similar to what happensto the numberof relationships when 2r6 . ever. of possible. but in your excitable.Otherwise.The rest of the board should be divided into secrionsfor individual family members. and oContinually Monitor Your Family's Emotional Tiemperature: Monitoring your personal stress level is important.Beforemaking any ADD child might forgetto menrion rhar Dad is stranded with a flat tire and Sisteris in the emergency room with a broken arm! A disorganized ADD family can truly benefit from a structured systemthat tracksfamily messages appointments. someone If addsa generalmessage the board. Eachfamily membercan have a personalized color that makesit easy to p_ost retrievemessages. telephonecallsshouldbe handledat or switchedro. the date and the time. Keep extra coloredpapertacked in eachsectionor usecolor posr-it p"ds. shouldremoveit from the board. the mes. As eachpersonin tum readsthe message.You MeaNI'u Nor Llzy.Phonecallsshouldbe addedto the board and the tape should be rewound.the effectof workloador srress snowballs. Messages is for anyrhing the whole family needsto area read. SruproOn Cnezy?! The bulletin board needsto be sufficiently largeto provide a specific section for each family member and one for the whole family. 'We're not suggesting that familiesdo all their communicatingby way of the message center! Putting things in writing can a big help.roller'coaster ADD family. personneedsto check his each mail slot and listen to the answering machine. Make a rule that everymessage must include the 'Whenever signature the personwho postedit. Besides looking for postedmessages. The last readerwill know that everyhe one elsehasseenthe note and that he shouldremoveit from the board. how. white boardmay be a goodbackdrop and A to the colorednotes. sage centerphone. shouldadd his initials. including sma[ children. The General.This will he reducevisual clutter and improve the odds that the family won't overlook postedmessages. can reachthe bulletin board.everyoneshouldcheck the message center's mastercalendar for important family dates. As soon as someone readsa message. to he shouldinitial it at the bottom. Encourage family members make a habit of checkingthe message to center several times a day and everytime they comehome.Be surethat everyone.

With family relationshipsasthe backdrop.Their supportor lack of supportcan be a powerful influence on your efforts '!7e can't examine this issuein depth ADD family.uncles. level of each personhas such a profound effect on the Because stress the family. Mom arrivesan hour later in a bad mood after a difficult day at work. family circle-the extendedfamily. \fe'd like to write another These chaptersjust scratchthe surface. Beforewe closethis chapter. If an individual family member is pushinghimself too hard and it feelsirritable asa consequence.One of the children comeshome after a bad day at school and is bouncing o{f the walls.Mom and the hyperactivechild are at each other'sthroats as the child's of noise and activity irritate a mother who has no reserves patience. 7r7 . isn't just an individual matter. the stress and down-time.. The fight that eruptsputs everyonein the family on edgeand before long the housefeelslike a war zone. it's important to monitor the demandson the family as a whole.we'll in the unique revisit the Baker family to examine somemanagementissues to the functioning of the family.Grandparents. to be a successful in the because subjectis too complicatedto address a few sentences. will all have an impact on the dynamicsof your family. etc.we want to at leastmention the wider in-laws.impossible. This is how it happens. on exclusively ADD family relationships.If the makesrelaxation family asa whole is trying to do too much. book that focuses we're going to address But there are someother important family issues next chapter. In a matter of minutes.aunts.INrERrnctNc IN AcrtoN: IN TUE DRrtNc GnvE ANo THE Faltlt-v you add new family members:7+1is greaterthan 3.

Our experiences we'resureyourscould too. Since we are neither sociologists family therapists.It includesindividual and group of and rules. zI8 . we'll encourage To begin unravellingthe family'scomplexproblems. however.This sharingwill have to happen over time and within of an atmosphere mutual support. asa measure our expertise. Our previousvisit with them provideda glimpseof a family living in your family in you recognize the sitcomChaoson theCul-de-Sac. each family member to communicateher own version of the Baker FamilySrory. \7e do.we don't presumeto be expertsin thesefields.If the description of the Bakers.\7e'll rejoin the Bakerfamily to help us do this. The ADD Families of expertsin two specificareas: considerourselves could fill volumesas Kelly/Pentz and Ramundo. Hundredsof sociologicalstudieshave exploredthe entity of the family nor and how it functions.CHaprEn 11 Mania Mealtime From Ordeals: toOutins Discord How-To'sDecreasing of Tn. responsibilities relationships that must be carefullymanaged. we useit humbly asa reflection of our We of not lifetime experiences. can't give we you all the answers aboutADD familiesbecause don't have them! and the collective experiences We can sharesomeof our observations of other ADDers and their families. \7hen we usethe word expert.It's a system multiple interpersonal rights. family is a microcosmof you have to resignyourselfto being part of the neighborhood? there anything you can realisticallydo to Is \Ue're going to take take on make your family life more manageable? the role of the Baker family's therapist to find someanswers.

I work harder in school than anybodyI know but I still get I'm mostly C's.I get so confused can't think straight.I feel like a dope. I never seemto but get anything accomplished. I know I'm a "smartass" that'sjust a cover-up. I'm alwayswaiting for somethingterrible to happen -for Dad or Amy to start a big screaming match. My dad getsimpatient with me because not good at to sportsand I won't stick up for myself. Work just takesit out of me.have terrible moodsand can't seemto get it togetherto do anything worthwhile.Hov-To's Op DpcnrnstNc DtscoRo TruEMa:.I get so mad sometimes just want to yell at them to shut up but I can't get the wordsout. I worry that I can't keep pretendingI'm in control. I can't stand it when peopleyell because noisehur$ me.r Orrrsc ORnpnLs: To Fnou MEnr- most of the time. I know I angryand worthless Tbm: "I feel helpless.-r.Mom seems like me better but 7t9 . I don't have to any energyleft for my family. people. probablywon't make it to collegeand I'm not fast enoughto I I Sometimes wish I were more like do somethinglike waitressing. It's hard enoughto talk when I'm feeling I calm.I'm mean. Sometimes wish I weredead.No matter what I do. Everyoneis alwaysfighting. fighting to swim to the surface never getting there. The place is alwaysa messand we never seemto have a moment of peace.but I just can't seemto losemy tempertoo much and it hurts help it. \fhen I get upset. I don't know how to protect the I myself. I feel cringing belonely too. What am I going to do when I finish high schooll With my grades. The angry words are out of my mouth beforeI know it. I'm scared that I'll never be able to make it asa grownhow I but up. thinks I'm just a rotten kid but they have no idea Amy: "Everybody really feel. Jan doesn'tseemto know I exist unlessshe's busywith something.I make fun of him for being a wimp but he's a nicer person I than I am. Zachary. I probablydeserve I'm pretty useless." Zachary: "l hate the fighting at my house. work hard to take care of the houseand I family but I never have anything to show for it." Jan: "I feel as if I'm under water all the time. I'm a failure.Tom and Amy are alwaysyelling and putting me down." it. I'm scaredall the time.She doesn'tlook causeI got mad. I'm supposed be strong-the man of I the family-but sometimes feel asthough I'm just barelyhanging on. She'salways me in the eye and never paysattention to me when I try to talk to her.Even when my family is laughingor joking. \Uhen I get home.

t gt"d.\7e can't discuss them all but we can examine two that aie illustrativeof several fairly common problemsin an ADD familyMeabimeMania and Outing Ordeals. I know I she so cause lot of trouble because hear mom and dad fighting all the rime a I about my doctor bills.t for my talking because soundso smart. Jennifer. . I wish it wasmore peacefular my house. I hate ro even askher because seems busyand tired most of the time. . My teichershake me be quiet and sit in my searunril I want to jump right out of my skin!" It's obviousthat nobody in this family is happywith the way things are going! There'sone common thread that weavesthrough everyone's storyin the Bakerfamily: the noiseand emotionallevelsaretoo intense. Their hot tempersescalate direct in response sensoryintrusions. jump up and beg for food throughout the meaf. I don't think my family even notices I'm there..I can'r stand to sit there all that time. Tom and Amy don't directly complain about the noisebut we can observetheir sensitivitiesto it. Familieswho deal with the dynamicsof ADD facenumerouschallenges every day.Amy and Tom who are both sensitiveto noiseand touch. I don'r like going to school either.They alsohave someawareness the to of impact of their yelling on orher family members and don'r feel verv good about it.You MEeNI'r.Jennifer.1Nor Lxzy. Everybody's alwaystelling me.I wish they would *"tih n I danceand do gymnastics but they're too busytalking. Jennifer addsto the generaldiscordand busyness the family meal by jumping of zz0 .I like it when my family tells jokesbur a lot of timespeopleyell and get in fights. There areseveral poorly trained dogswho bark. Be quiet. I hate the yelling. They do saythat ir's roo bad I don't g.Stopfalling off your chair. Jennifer. Mealtime Mania It's Mealtime Mania at the Bakerhouse. doing other "stuff or fighting. constantlyyell at the dogsand push them awaybut do little elseto train them. I'd rather be outsideplaying. Sit down. Most of the time.SruproOn Cnqzvl! never has enoughtime to help me with schoolwork.." at hate dinnertime because Jennifer: "lt's crazy my house!I especially it takestoo long. My mom and dad don't even seemto care when I bring home D's on my papers..

the instigatorsof much of the rowdiness. their angerquickly generalizes everyoneelsein the yell at Jan for burning part of the dinner.drag-outfight betweenTom and Amy is at a common occurrence somepoint in the meal.She spends napkins absent-mindedly. This lethal combinaremarksthat iion meansthaieach of them frequentlymakescareless touch off an explosion in the other. Sometimes chaosis fun with lots of joking and fooling around. The anticipatedknock-down. knowing that when things get out of hand.The mood of the gatheringcan changeabruptlyif either steppingon of them becomes annoyed with the noisiness by someone or their toes.Both have hair trigger temperscoupledwith foot in mouth disease.They're alwaysa little nervousthough. one-wayconversations on asAmy. Zachary quietly fadesinto the woodwork. Zacharyand Jan try to follow but the conversation quickly tune out asthey becomeoverwhelmed by the chaos.Jan silly jokesand instigatinganimal noisecontests and Zacharydon't participate very much but they laugh and enjoy the anticsof the othersduring theseh"ppy times. dinnertime wandering Jan rarelysitsdown at the table. the party will rapidly and disastrously change. Tom and Jennifer talk non-stop to no one in particular. to Easilyenraged. A-y.trying to eat his dinner without getting a stomachacheand hoping that a big fight doesn'tbreakout.They know that Tom atmosphere and Amy. go Three separate.telling and food fights. or food that took longer to cook than the rest of the meal. 72l . the \7hen Tom'sin a good mood.MrruTrus MaNn OurrNc To ORorRLs: How-To's DrcnensrNc Fnou Or DrscoRo up and down to danceor tum cartwheels. They frequently Jennifer for leaping around like a frog and at Zacharyfor sitting like a bump on a 1og. He knows that his mother won't be much help in avertingthe battle that will inevitably ensuebetweenhis father and sister. Invariably. at family. Both Tom and Amy tend to hear only half of what is saidand to misinterpretthe other half. She fetchesthe forgotten items of silverware.Anty stompsoff beforethe meal is over sinceshehasbeengroundedto her room "for the rest of her life". unpredictable are and irritable. he likes to becomea kid again.

Individually and collectively. puts greatdemands family financial and emoon tional resources.Unfortunately. calm. and disengages herselffrom the family. there isn't anyoneavailableto teach her how to do it. however. Tom getsmore stressed as out the burdenof disciplinefalls on him.You MrnN I'v Nor Lnzy.but it's too late for that option. structureddisciplinebut doesn'tget it. you can understandhow things get so out of hand for the Bakers.SruproOn Cnazy?! Zacharyfeelssick to his stomachand can't eat and Jennifer dances aroundat a manic pace.As family tensionescalates. If Mealtime Mania seems be a wav of life for to 7ZZ . he can do little but collapse. Tom getsburned out easily.supportand understanding-but there doesn'tseem to be enoughto go around. A-y and Tom seemto dominate the picture in the Baker family. but through no fault of his own.She must leam to take responsibility for her behavior.for the family to make someimportant changesto reducethe chaosand tum the volume down. Notes: Mealtime Mania With their difficult remperaments. After a day at work. He feelsincreasingly angryat Jan'sfailure to take chargeof the houseand children.Sometimes atmosphere dinner isn't as the at much chaotic as it is deadlysilent and chilling with everyonebrooding and poisoningthe environmentwith silent misery. With his short fusedtemper.he's ill-equippedto handle it. It isn't too late. becomes increasingly more disorganized J".thesebehaviors conrribureto the family chaosand stress level. A-y desperately needsfirm.Each of the family membershas shakycommunication skills and a limited capacityfor stress and stimulation. Zacharydoesn'racrivelybother anybody. Jennifercontributesto the noiseand chaoslevel with her clowning and hyperactivity. If you plug the individual behaviorsinto a chart of family interacrions.Having fewerchildren probablywould have helped. The Bakerfamily is a groupof related individualswho have compelling needsfor structure. It's not that Tom is a sexist pig-he and Jan had agreed the division of labor when shequit her on job to stayhome. But they're not singularlyresponsible for the impaired family interactions.

Preplanningeliminates nothing more chaotic than an ADD family trying to work together pitch in without the direcrion of a plan! \fhen other family members wanderto help. family might considerfinding a new home Establish a Family Signal: The signal cueseveryonethat the noise level is getting too high.ordercarefullydesigned What happenedto the idea of home asthe what is this. will disintegrate 773 . Survival Tips for Decreasing Discord Reduce or Eliminate LJnnecessaryDistractions3 During meals. The televisionor radio shouldbe tumed off and the newspapershouldbe put in anotherroom.Structure. there is a goodpossibilitythat letting one'shair down into a family free-for-a11. Make a family rule that a moment of silence for child. Plan a Weekly "Work Detail" Ahead of Time: This should include for a list of individual responsibilities meal preparationand settingand shouldrotate thesejobs from week clearingthe table.To further minimize the extra distractions.Family members much last minute confusion. Maintain Order by Establishing Struchrre: Meals should have a structurefor dinner conversation. think about theseideasand considertrying them. Make a "No Arguments at the Dinner Thble" Rule: Conflict isn't all bad but mealtimebattlesaren't very goodfor the digestive at Argumentsshouldbe shelvedand resumed a designated system! time and placefor discussion. for one of its dogs.including the youngest less noise. the cook is free to join the family insteadof aimlessly follow a rule that no ing around fetching things.How-To's Or DrcnrnstNcDtscoRo Fnov Mrru Trur MnNraTo Ourrxc ORoERLs: your family. The family should one sitsdown to eat until the meal is on the table. signals if will be observed anyone.the machineshouldbe turned on or the phone shouldbe taken answering off the hook. boot camp? place you can let your hair down and be yourselftLettingyour hair else's down is fine as longas Jou don't droPit in someone foodt In families with ADDers.There is to week. The family dogsshouldbe trained to stay awayfrom the dinner table or should be kept in another room the until the meal is over.

In an ADD family. \7hen the family hasgathered.Just to be sureto have an established procedure requests missfamily meals. the mixture can be combustible! zz4 .Tiy a "Show and Tel[" time for sharinganecdores telling or jokes. The ritual signals the beginningof special. The ritual can be anything. for to If All Else Fails. Eliminate Family Meals: They are a lovely convention and can help familiesconnecr.concenrrate put of on being with eachother and becomeawareof the comforrable haven of home. The idea is to imposestructureso family members take turns and learn to listen to eachother.however.recite a poem or sing s?y a song. Change the Rules: If someone having a difficult day or is particuis larly hyperactive. sheshouldhave permission leavethe table. It can help family members asidethe stresses the day.You MreN I'u Nor LAZy.Beginyour meal with word games.the disadvantages a family meal can ourweighthe advantages. sharedfamily time. SruproOn Cnazy?l Structureand order can take the form of a family ritual or tradition. grace. trivia or threadedstoriesthat eachpersonbuilds on in tum. of \7hen temperamental characteristics come togetherin a small space.

hyperactiveson is particularlysensitiveto smells and is an extraordinarilypicky eater.shefeelsperplexed more anxiouswith eachpassing that she'salwayslate for everything. He spent most of the as the lack of food in his parents'mountain village mealtimedescribing to in southemltaly. Family Fun: An Evening at the Movies The Bakerfamily is getting readyto go out for a movie and Jan feels moment. She doesn't to zz5 . Melowsky helped us reach reducedthe stress and brought peaceto our kitchen.The family harlooks of outmony hasbeenwell worth the skepticaland disapproving who don't understand dynamicsof ADD.we decidedthat our nightly ritual frequently destroyed otherwisereasonable and had to be eliminated.My husband perfrormed head coach of the opposingteam.But the key is that we didn't eliminate our rules. I suppose one could arguethat we gavein to our son by letting him skip the family meals. The compromisethat Dr. \7e simply changedthem to meet our family'sneeds.quoting scientificresearch support to eat. As usual.\7e invite you to join the scenealreadyin progress. \7hen he finally got hungry he of for would be responsible fixing his own sandwichand cleaningup after himself.The dinner rule was that he could decline to eat with us but had to refrain from character assassination his mother'scooking. He usedeverymeansat his disposal forceJeremy to my referee's cap. day an sportingevent with a Our family mealsresembled hotly contested My angryopponents." the siders 'We're going to leavethe family dinner and join the Bakerfamily in an Outing Ordeal. Beforethe children were bom.During our initial visit to our therapist. on shehad alwaysmanaged get to appointments time.Jeremyspentmost of our tortuous dinner hour falling off his chair and usinghis gifted verbal skills to comparethe smell of the meal to variousdecayinganimals.How-To's Or DgcngnsrNc DrscoRo Fnov MEnl TruEMnNrnTo OurrNc ORoraLs: PR: "Family mealsarenothing more than a memoryfor my family. \7e decidedthat we would invite Jeremyto dinner but he wouldn't have to join us. I donned my assertion that our son would not die of malnutrition-and I attempted to maintain order.

As shebeginsto put on her make-up.You MrnN I'v Nor Lazx. to \fhen she getsto the basement.Jan can't figureout why she's alwayslate but it really isn't hard to understand.With our time sense. again! Notes: Outing Ordeals Many of us with ADD aren't well known for our punctuality. startsworking on a stainedpair of jeansand she throwsAmy's blousein the washerinsteadof ironing it.Tom demands consultationon a his slacksand the color of his sweater.gemingdressed out and the door for an outing is a major production. you multiply If 726 . Jan realizes with a start that shehasgotten off track again! She arrivesback in her bedroomto Jennifer's bloodcurtlingscreams for protection againstA*y who hasthreatenedher with death if Jennifer doesn'tstop hiding her shoes.the only personwho took care of himsell attemptsto come to his mother'said asthe rest of the family accuses her of making the family late. lack thereof. Getting oneselforganized be somewhere a cerraintime is difficult. goesoff. rhe time ticks awayand the As stress mounts. ger we distractedand we routinely forget things. Somehor. Now immersedin distractions. to at but getting an entire family organized infinitely more complicated! is If your family is anything like either of ours. Amy's discoverythat her blouse is wrinkled sends Jan running to the laundryroom ro iron it. Zachary. momentarilyforgetsthe time deadlineand she decides pick up the dirty laundryon her way downstairs.we regularlyset new records travel time or for from point A to point B. The timer sheset asa waming for the family to finish their prepararions.SruproOn Cnazvl! stop long to ponder this because Jenniferinterrupts.askingwhereher purseis and A-y engages in combatover the outfit shewon't be her caughtdeadwearing. Finally all the members the Bakerfamily are ready16ls2ys-everyof one exceptJan. we manage climb in our cars to precisely the moment we'resupposed be arriving at our meeting at to on the other sideof town! \7e have trouble organizing.the yelling gerslouderaseveryoneblamessomebody elsefor the problemswith getringreadyon rime.

Prepare a Work Detail for the Family: To reducethe number of "l 727 .The following suggestions might be usefulfor your family'saction plan.Tom can agreeto give Jan the time sheneedsby running interferencewith the kids and savinghis own requests until she's ready. an ADD family'sOuting Ordealswill continue. the extra time required growsexponentiallyasfamily relationships when eachnew do memberarrives.\7ho will feed the dog and put her in the basement? !7ho will have the responsibilities for tuming on the porch lights and answeringmachine?The division of labor shouldbe explainedand assigned advanceto each in of the family there's and time to do neededlaundryor repairs. so Clothing should be assembled laid out well in advance. Jan give Tom her undivided attention to help him choosean can agreeto oudit after she'sready. This sceneis avoidableif the family designs action plan.Fnov MEal Trvr MaNrnTo OurrNc ORoEer-s: How-To's Or DrcnpasrNc DrscoRo the difficulty by the number of peoplein a family. The planning may even need to include things such as a bathroom scheduleto avoid the problem of everyonetrying to get in to one or two bathroomsat the sametime. they can strike a bargain. For instance. Establish Family Responsibilities: The family needsto think through the choresthat must be done beforeanyonecan leave. Survival Tips for Outing Ordeals Identify Individual Dynamics: The first step is for each family member to identifu her unique contributions to the family'sdisorganization. It would alsohelp if everyonegets dressed and readyin separate areas they don't distract one another. Without a an specificplan. Then the whole family can come togetherand figure out an action plan. If Tom and Jan discuss their needsin advance.A more productiveapproachwould be to help eachfamily memberdecidewhat sheneedsto do to be readyon time. It's easyto point the finger at someoneelse-each family member doescontribute to the generaldisorganization and chaos. Jan may requirean uninterruptedhalf hour to get herself togetherand Tom may needhelp choosinghis clothing sincehe'scolorblind.

Family members can read.give everyoneher own checkto list of responsibilities.the newspaper other readingmare. weigh it against the stress and conflict your family experiences when it operates the in usualfashion. The televisionshouldbe off-limits. This isn't the time for readingrhe newspaper watching TV or either.This giveseveryone plenty of time ro gerdressed readybeand fore the secondwaming rings.If someone operates more efficiently with background music. or rial set TV or play short games during the extra time.SruproOn Cnnzy?! forgot's"or "'What am I supposed do's". To allow for a margin of error.You MrnN I'u Nor Lnzy. the departuretime should should be set earlierthan is really necessary. for Set a timer: Jan'suseof a timer is a good idea but sheshould probably set it to sounda warning and then a final signalwhen it's time to leave.sheshouldwearheadphones reduce to the distractions other family members. HOW CAN YOU ESTABLISH RULES WHEN EVERYONE IN YOUR EAMILY HAIES RULES AND RESISTS FOLLOWING THEMI This dilemmawill be our focusin the following chapter. Reduce Distractionss It never fails that the phone rings in the middle of preparations.But implemenration can be tricky. \7e have exploredsometechniques creatingthe important balance for of rightsand responsibilities within the ADD family.and the stereotumed off. nice to have extra time to clean up It's the dirt from the flower pot Jennifer knocks over when she cartwheels into it! If it's important to get to an event on time.Tiv it both wavsbeforevou decide. If all this carefulplanning seems like roo much work. The "No Distractions"rule for mealtimesshouldapply aswell.\Ue'll offer a frameworkfor designinga system family government that fosterscoof operationand minimizesconflict. 778 . a pre-wamingsignalshould be set. Take it off the hook or rum the answeringmachine on.

n 12 - Principles Governmenf: of Familv Stvle S.The parentshave specificrights and responsibilities and so do the children. poised."rrful familiesoperateasdemocraticinstitutions.the interplay of yorz and me rslessclearlyunderstood. Collectively worksthrough the experience living in the of they leam how the process family unit.r.however. ADD family stands the for defensivemaneuvers attack. power struggles.the ultimate responsibility a successful for If govemmentis yours. the parent must assume role of the president. If you can make your family'ssystemof government more democratic.CHnprr..But everypresidentneedslegislativeand judicial bodiesthat provide a systemof checksand balancesand a method for ensuringcomplianceof rules.To help you accomto plish this. It's difficult to eliminate thesecounterproductive But it is possible reducetheir frequencyand may find that things will go more smoothly. Since variousfamily members or may resistfollowing rulesor have trouble with the give and take essential to successful relationships. you'rea parent. ready Similar to a country undersiege. In the mini-society of the family. Everypresidentneedsan advisorycouncil. The key to establishing a workablesystemin your family is sharing authonty.In ADD families. we'd like you to think about the model of family govemment that follows. continual conflict may becomea way of life. It is understood that eachmemberplaysa different role and contributesdifferently to the effectivefunctioning of the group. sharedfamily tfu A governmentmeansthat each personfunctions asa participant in the zz9 .

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{11crnbuBOtseal tB Jo rol^Bqaq .o{ o 'Surualsrl alrlf.tetu Suro8 t(uere s8urqr JI 'Je^o aIBr sreIIBt rsaSSrq Surrnogs B otul Surrre8 tnoqtr/n ssaursnqlf.o .{ue uo uBr.Z€. eql 'L11rue.s . lorl -uof. ISB ot etellseq t(uop Sananoq aqr Suruel ro tlf. s8urqr poo8 egt ezruSocef.ord B lnoqtl/t\ Suneeru Llpe.ipear aJ(no^ '11tJaJJoc ol Sututrotsulerq esf) o 'uerPllql Pue sruered tuerueer8e aqr rad uortnqFtsrp rreqt pue saroqf.rno. {rol[ o 'sanssr IBaJturodur4 o 'suonnlos elqrssodlgltuapr ot senbluqf. enDtsod esfl o 'uouedtclue4 .!pe13 o 'snsuasuof.nPuoc ol .s?unoqto mo u^to rno/.e pue ezlJetutuns'..7 'pue s.Ird lErauac 'lla^ Ieuorsse.f.-:rllllilinH UO IIAZVUC ArdruS'LZV1 JON hl.{ eqt uela tel ot .Ilure.{ eqr or erq'rr^eul arpuBq Ar111q1*ru urrnf.dn-u8ts.e#e ur eJEstueruaer8e11e 'Suuaeur eqt Jo esolf..BelB sartr^Ilf.epeJ pue uollBf. uec no.{rrpqe rnor{ uI eJnoasel.t elBnlB^a ol Peau III^\ no 'd1". dresseceutsfl o .icrlod B etntltsul r 'senssl Pe^IosaJun pue suolslf.. '.B eIBl pue azrSolode'lt aauSocar .Iuntuulof.o 'Jaqrueu euo.o 'Surleau lxeu Joj sulef.l. zt\elAef.B un} ueld r 'stuerueer8e uo 11e g8non{r mollo{ o 'Surteeur txeu aqt rer{r a8pelznoulog o lltun tf. B elPu€q o1 .{pear ar(no1'u/t\o str uo srqt elPuBq ot .{ }l .Surteerur{f.Jo..sedtr8. o eql uI Suruaddeq ere tBt{t tsnl 1ou s8ulaan ^Uuled roJ lrnPuoc Jo seFu Pue seldltu.irr|qe s.{ .{]JeqlBJ dnorS ar{l uo snf.o sa'ueqc r'gr ".l NVay\ nOI ..nod Jl leuolsse.eJro.ordro. Lllllqlsuodsar arBr{g o Jo 's8unearu aql Suuregt roJ .(llIlIBJ B sBlaeru uec no. a8pelnou{f.uof.B lsod o 'Suttaeru r{oee setnunu Surprof.btuntroddo lenbg. lsII ol auor{ue JoJepua8e .blpqtsuodsar erelg o 's8uuaaru jo uonernp pauueld pue erult reln8ar B elnpaqf. eqt tB tuelulllutuof.ipear eJ(no 'sruelqoJd lnoqe suonsaSSns aleru PUBJIas JI -rulg ssardxeplFlr tse8uno.epsnotnard elBnlena PUB((sseulsnq PIo.

eluf.\o rrer{tJo {f.uerplrql aqt Jo ryo^{ luo{ eluor{seurof.npord e ro.{ranE IBnuesse alnr srq1 :uoqudnlued alpnpoddo pnbg alnu eql erroJufl Jo 'sseusnq ^(uestcnpuoo dlyrue.11rueg 'luaAe ro Leld loor{ls Suturocdn tnoge sn\ou>I uB euo[rana tBr{l IEIf.fuena ssoqeqt sr euo ou-3f.41leplq aqf Eul.ep .{11ue.ue slql .tFe1n8ar 8ul sr -taetu .Llyrue. III^{ reql sernpef.slure1d aq osleuer Surteeur eql 'lroddnslBntnlupuB seJoqc .seqons uotlsaSSns qll/!\ Surureldurof. Jo eruosepnlcurrq8ru seurleplnB eqr paqsrlgelsg uoll ((i -BJtsn{rno[ ]uel tsnf ro ualqord eqr allos o] tuBA\nod oq. -uIoJ 'senlea'seopl UoISSnJSIp JoJunJoJe eprnoJd sr esodrnd eqt ot Jo eql 'srequeu .(11rue.rlsn 31AIS AllhlVJ :INEI^{NUA^OClO S3ldrlNiud .sJeqrueul.eJrpeJ paeu^eru uosredrteqler{I 'uoISSes adu8 e Surruoceq ruou Suuaerueqi sruerrard 'af. aql 'IJo^/\saldrcuudleraua8aseqr. terlt eutn B tB laatu ol aer8e fu1 ol 'rsBI III^\ Surtearu qree 3uo1Aior{ epBru osleplnoqsuolsrf.s1ooqruaururod -de leqr arepdn PuBselnpeqlsJrer{te8ueuearuBf.uelorn uollBf.rrrqr ot []uamt tseeltB aq plnoqss8urtaaru eql Jo uopeJnpeqJ '^ 'Suneerul.11ue.ord epnlcur aqr aq aqr plnoqs selnr aseql :Eurlae.{rs . .ieqla8ol IIIr!\ 'Surlaaru L11rue.s ot u. sa8ernof.uellsuec oqA.eoe1d alurl eq y puB ^ lnoqB Surraaru uo ear8epue teruroJeqr eulurretap B Lllure.IIE ^q pepuetlBpuB palnpar..nJts seplnotdeurrtSurpuapeqsrlqBtse .aq poo8e Llpraua8t. ul pe/y\ollo. sr lenbe uB sBr{auo. aleulprooc ot pasn eqt .rne selng qsilqefsg 'elnpeqls s.ef.\ B ser{auo. aql .Iunuluroceltlsod Jo salnJaqr 3ul^trolloC ro lecrsLqd 3ur11ec atueuou sI eJaqtse3uo1sBsuorurdoro s8urlae.i11ue.JnoquB lununxBu B qtr^{ uv Jo satnurur l.i1lule.Brr Surdael rol &11q1s -uodsare{Bt ot sreqrueru d11rue. puB selnpeqf.!\oq raprsuoJs(te-I s8u4ael4[ ^11ure{uftsa(I ol saldnrrud lereueg aqr E.z :3ur^'rro11o. iserdxeol tg8u 'sJeqtoaqt ef.enrtcnpord Burteeru sdaa>l eqr rBqr eJntf. Suruueldur eqr ereredo-of. pBCJo tuol^i sBuoos seSutleall[ 'PoxeleJ eq] ]soul sr [11rue.'.os os Iea/h Sulruoceqt roJ salnpeqlss. eql arojoqsaln]Jo lsII aql PBar Alqeqord plnoqsdreterces 's8ur ar{t -toeul ^\eJ lsrrJ aql SuunC ..suro{ eepl euoq eluof. B JnrlJnpord-uou ol tf.usrloorlf..BJ sserlsJo asnBf.

Illrr IBnPI^lPuluo Plony 't fuoleurruegulpue saSrssatu 'l. '9 'tlun Algrue.lts 'LZVI rON ].aqr Jo suollelf.vez 'rol^€qeq ud\o slq roj elqlsuodser lsnlu eq 'anbluqcar ro alqerdelre uB l(usl 'acol sPl.e1otou sI Sutruelq 'C 'Sutrntcal 's8utlaej pue Sutzlf.adxe PUBsleo8 ssncstq CI ESII..BltlB no . lO ..^{.Sr{.oC '{lBl ol selnulru 'Z to reqrunuX serloq^\ raleeds eqr Sulldnrretul PIo^V 'crdol eql or 'I {f. 'seqcns saserqd .\OUdI^IOO NV AIVIIOCEN'9 (('JaAAU trOr\.1 NVAy\ nOI UO IIAZ\ilUC Ald[LS ..Ioaulos uosrodqrBE InJdlaq 'rueqr 'Sutlle1 Suueqroqs(ler{d\ lnoqe {lel ro q 4nBuma? Sutrueelcs L11ueC repun ra8uerleql le8 ot Peeusreqruetu ot 8urfut eroJaq lortuof.

B eru enr8t(useopruoy\ e 'r{sIJIes ruol 'srrlecuocLru ot uortualte Surl. gtlrn Lep rlcea arult leroads.q sr SuueqsslqJ :Eu1rt1og lercrleueq 'ruel{ord pue Equr.ure8req t(useop ar{rJo ued srq ot l3rts t(uo/hpecl.pernlrn4s 'suondnrrelur tuanbar.!\oq tnoqe 3ur>11e1 e{Bl surnt sJaqrueru l. alqlsuodseJ rrerlf. suolssardxa l.I.lolsu. 1) alepdo.9ez uI 'asodrndsrqt roJ Suueerueqt aJntrnJtsol s.o selnulru.llnv{ :JNE]^{NUE^OC lO S3'IdlSNIUd .ruuor ro..rd are Jo arp Suunp Suro8ueag seq eJIll.S .re sLot sn{ Surltnd ](usr [nrqteT 'elu qtr/rr elurt lercedsSurpuedst(usr PBCI (' ' '1aa.lp ueld B epnlf.buerlupuedsot peer8e enerlrq8rrupBC 'Sunaeru snorrrerd rV B 'tuer.aqr JI Lelo eJBstureldruo3 '{ee^\ snorna.eql . 'rcafqoe]Brurueur Surpunod yeru eteq.ul rq8rur salnrrnol ro.1 dlaq rq8nu t1 'ra8ueSurtelecse Sunurod-ra8ur.llrue.troppaurlef. ro lnoqtr^\ s8utlea. seq auo.srseq erp roJ sr SurletorB uo aloJ drgsrepeel erer{s er{t plnoqs auol.lyueC 'uolsses snornardeqr jo setnunu eqt pBeJ ol Plnoqs ..uof. ro pBCL.{em tseSSns IBJeAes '8urn1os-uralqord uoltnlosertf.rddeul 's8urtp .rang3lorolor4 Eupaa4 eqf ueI.b dssoq sr ruoJn{ 'ureldxa ot af.{-rarre 8ur>1eru epuaSe Surlytuepl tepro ol B arns aqt pue Surtearu 3ur11ef.I 'sa8nssau -1 Sutsnualqord eqt tno llet ot .tl rBqt 'renemog'tsa88ns euoPt(useqeq esnef. lurod Surtrelseqt II.o acerdpeJe^rlepun 8ur uB ro ue -trJ^\'{colq er{t punoreSuruunr 'auo1e Suro8Lq umop Jetuturs go rq8ru uosredI'r8ue eqJ 'ra8ue8u1sn. puB sapl^ 'Jlesrlur -ord ll 'tueuodrur eroy.Jaq tdaoceplnoqs no1 ..seq aq uer{r6.o seldruexe B qlr^t tsrl ueltrJ/v\ ser{ auolrana.ueqf.{teql uJef. . pue esroutnogBurelduoc rq8rul dlpe.{relarces >lse eqt plnoqs eq 'Suuaerueqr Jo Suruur8eq rV 'IIBr or aqr ef.41 er. sserdxa op rq8rur no (('JeqleSot ot Suro8eJ(eA\ tBqA\esooqc eru tal t(useopeq-eurl leroads tcedseJ l.{pearsl er{ 'u.lddy ) alupdo.usr tuol 'qolse sr dreqceT 'ueeru q ('''no Pec fe.:spJo^\ eleudorddeerour esneqs uec no 'slueturuof.uer{f.o/A.Bd sl t.srq Surung sl ruolAl]Br{l [q ureldruocrq8nu uos JnoI 'noL ot Suruetsrl ueeq t(useqasnods rno. . eqt ur euofuenE'qrnu ool tun{ re 3ur11a^ s8urlaa.rpJg a^preJffl roJ uBaurs(eqteql ureldruoctg8rur aqs 'Surleeru tuerrnr eqr Jo tJetseqr rV :arq8nep rnol.{esol sdem eleudordde.

sIqI 'strlef. uattlJn\ Leu r1 Jo tsII B t{tl^{ Suttearu eqt ot eulof.o sdars eqt raplsuor s(tal '>po.9€.I'9 eqr ssnf. sr slql ef. ssecordeqJ IBtuJoJuI 'SuturotsuleJq q8norqr trresseceu '9 eql sEesrnoJ pue (s)uoltnlosaqr Jo plnoqs [re]ercas eql'Suneeur aql Surzrlodouotu tuou uosrad euo tuenard pue snooJurBturetu dl".uIS ecJoJuetsntu Jepeel agf eqt 's9o[]o tsII e atereua8 ol tndut s.( ur .slP retBl roJ arntf. snf.( JoJeJruf. ol euo.LZv-lrON r\.n[s eqt eunl-eulJ ot ecueptn8 [1e{l 11.E errnbar 1ym slqJ 'pueq .uof.o a8ersaqt ot uo elolu ot erult s.ulalqord.euo.srp (s)uoltnlospaar8e Jo uolletuerueldrur pue 'seepl IBUOIIIPPB re#o pue sleo8urel 3uo1puBrroqs sBsuoltnloselenle^g 't 'suousaSSns 1e q8norqr suoltnloseleJeuaC'€ pue SuruuolsuleJq pJo)eJ ' ueryo eJeseJoqc .(1pey qcee gtltt eq uef.latueg B sV aqJ leraua3 Lltrue.aQ. peeu teqr reqruoruer]ng tutod Sutuets e se sBaPIesaql esn 'renel\oq '.{rene ro} 1ryd1aqeq 'srrreouoc Suueqs Jeqrueru .'Z Jo ot ssncsrp urelqorde asooqC'I snp.{11ute1 '^(11n.aneesn uec /.11rue.1 NVll{ nOI izIZVUCUO AIdnrS .o leo8 :srualqoJd suortnlosjo uouerto8au enueredo-of.{pelnctUed stsrler)eds oq ot puat sreqruetu eroq/!\ 'uoltelto8eu pue Surnlos 'roqel Jo uorsrnlp a^rteeJf.q8norqt urelqordaql eul.pue] eql 's8utlaaru l.sI ssef.{ttunlroddo lenbg Jo elnr 'rclguoc.Jnose .{ uef.4a elBnlB^E 'cta'stgeueq'salcetsqo elqrssod UBI.2 'stsrleJeuaS uBqr rer{lBJ LltrueJ CCV rno. rno.oJd ot '8urn1os-rualqord.o uI lsII qof etll qrlrN 'uortedtcltred .nJ]saqt ouorsq III^\ rsll slt{I'Peuollualu sI leql Sutgr -ArenapJof.i. strlt '.{lluanbar.BJ slueuerers.ssaccns ot CCIV uB /o 11n4 [1cur e]tnb eq uef. lnoqe suotlsenb PUBsulacuoO Jo '8urrr1os-uralqord puB uolssnf.

ueq/N txeu eqt ot o3 or eturt s.sauit p"r" oP pue -re9II oseqtul :seroqC ^11wed sanssl .i.euo r{f.4. B qll. Jo -lp pue SurgrLra^e ot pelJedxaol ere uetuozrr uetu . III^A sLepSuueurerle qot rlncrglp e ereqsot ear8e uo eldo_ed rO '{ae/!\slqt ISBIsnorpo[pelncrrrede op or eer8e o^{} Plnor '8u1teotu .ioqerp pue Suruol er{l pip ur dn zner8 .lJlpoq III^Aereql esrnoc :uopeqo8aSl pue Eulup8leg esn Jo ']lJ poo8 B sr ereqt erar.p .wal{ord esn Jo EILJS IllWVl :JNAI^{NUE^OC CO S3tdrlNrud . tsour$ oq/r\pue got eqt stue^{og.uoq 'uerplrql rnod grlru uorlrpert aqt enurtuof. eq oylcadslnoqBsuoISIreC B .ep qoI anr]eradoof.op ol uollef.i11rue. enordrulIIF{ arer{dsorute qsrlqetsa uB Jo 'u/\4.ra-rrJ tseqeqt uo 1o 'snsuasuor qrear uBf.3B tsnru oq ^{oqJo sselpre8er uorlsa88ns fuang InJasn 'stuauu8rsse tnoqe suorsrf.{A\ s{set uo ef.(11rueg .noz( L11ute.eqt Jo SuruortounJ rl llera^o agt enordurr III/A.d1yue.nro11o.lporuplnor{ssraqrueru eqr .Be etenlB^e pue ders 'suortseSSns tno sunJd11ule. seluttstuos aql Jo rrBr{f.uplnoqssrqt tnq suorlse88ns anbrr agl "g -rrr ot Surldurats(tJ'seeplSuueqsro. Peseq Plnoqs_s_9o[ daql lllun suottseSSns eteunurlaro .z i4e! tl sl . fua.rq8nu 'e8eqre8 tno eqt no.Ba B etBnlB^e ol Jo suousanb 8ul. 2se8erue^pe$p 't ro slrJeuaq arBtEr{1)N 2sarr}llqB aqt s(euodrane lBnpl^lpul pue sSurleeJ uortBraplsuoc epnlcultr seocl. ur spr8er{r}l '1eepl ar{t srqt ruoUrBJII}rser(e^r s11od regr lse88ns esrnoJ xes tnoqtr/r\IJo^\ eqt epl^ JO_'seloJ IBuoI}tpBJt uortEJeprsuof.eru uosradau_o s({ee/r\ txeu tB ecroqclsJr}eql JoJa8uegcxa 'salorluelrodrurl'pelncyrred ul [e1duor]Eno8au pue Surure8req er5qm s] slql istuB^r LpoqLrena tBqt seuo[see puB sluB^\euo ou ]Eqt sgol aql Jo 'paururad r.LEZ -lul uB grlm euloseJB eJeqJ 'uorsrcap fueurqreleqaaruos IBaPol s'{em 'ruaredaqr sesef.{'tuered sV'sploru lguoqrpgq otur eqt IIr^t zfuen t(uop puB relulunrp tuere#lp B tBeqaql o1q3rBtxol pual tu Jo sreCCy irl oP l.Jo salnJar{l /\{olloj lsnur auorfueng ueltrJ^ir\ 'sl tl pue perdef. Eunlog.t\ eueAJelul eneqllln ot atuosur Jo .ueturoyadpue uortB^rtour senordul tl sedcualcrre.Surtaeur eql eql 'snsuesuor qsBerot elgEuneq B L11ue.Iunulluof.r1 8ul -uroyed olqedef.lo.1 . a{Btu ol dnor8eqt asnol sr leo8 orlJ 'ra$vry1w.eaplqf.{ 1oot s.lo alor ar{t uo Furler tou tnoqe aq rue113ln ot paau11. asn 'tr eperuoq^\ uosredaqr Buirclpul tnoqtr^\ er{t stlreurstr asrerdde plnoqsuouBnlB^e aql .

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o 'trun e se .11ure.rl}uoc aer8ep auos t18noql1y 'reqto qf. CCV eql ur luetsuof.(eul tf.rer -ur srardeqf.uara#lp '8uru.t11n.ilqeqordplnoc e41 's8ulues.nus troddns luelrodur .sserrns Lllerrn B aprnord uec sraqrueru l.o Leld:eturaqt eurluexaII. sgr'"::il""i"1il$1Til1"t:t ro. CIqV lentnru pue 1ro^{ preq qrlrN E]AIS Allhlv{ :IN3I^INUE^OC lO SsldlJNIUd rue aresuedruof. . luads e^(e/x\ acv Jo sf.ipegr Surssncslp PUB lBre^as 'Surtdecce ssel r{f.teqr ses8urqr ol Jno Surppe enurtuor . Ienpl^lpul 'tcedsar uoucunj ot urBel UBJ sarlnue. B aq .rea1 uI sef.nlu ueuo sr tBql plroA\ eqt }o tser aql luog lBertar aJBS eruos B -eq uer tuogetuor{ er{r '.{1yue.ea sratderpo^\t txau egt ul -searB aseql IIBre^oJo f.ssnssr Jeqlo aruos uo enourol erurtEtr rnq sureJg otur dod.Be roJ erntf. orasn no^ .oArauel B ur Surce.ruBu.rBqr sef.ueJaleJ fuoruau ot eperuel(a/v\ eqt tnoq8norql {ooq .uereJJlp anbruntsaJluBru pue CCV grlrn stlnpel.uBf.evz 'uouueue ot eq lllnt leo8 rng 'SuruJBal pue 'fuorueru'uortezrue8ro 'Suruoucun.ueyrl 'uortezrue8ro sef.uBf.rrlenbaqr asnuorduof.

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.rllo paretlnls v 'uelgord eql jo scgrcads aqr q8non{r lurq}'lvzett no[ Sutnlrp s] eclilo Parerlnlf.11 SOOHIEI^I CNV S3INVH31I{ :NOIIVZINVCUO NI CCV CO S]Ih{VNAO ..rrpue reded.os srualqord petelosr uo snf. Inlesn eq uEf.Itetuelqord lsoru eqt uo Lluo Sulsnoo.{ azdleue ol drt rq8nu no1 'sruell xrs ot rnoJ tsrrJ eqt tnq Surqt[rene eplse Suutas l. suoltotua 'looq raq ul teqt slseSSns /zuotsulf6 atueqdetg'paZrun8tgSuwag 'suortnlos tno {Jo/!\ /.illrue.ol uI paunt Lerg uI luale .o dor eqt ot rnor( ul jo peetsur flaqs erots Lrecor8 eqt uo IIIrs s(teqt {lllu eqt tnoqe 8ur>1unprsnf snoIXuBIeeJor ut8eq no.l\s ou pue 'aru sraqtoq 'lvzetceru seArJP:uorlB^er88e leuosrad Jo le^el eql uo PesBq Jo tJos eq uec Surluer JnoI 'senssrf. I dn enr8 t(uoq tsearv uralqord Jo sraqwnN aql uo stFrI-I fnd 'tI tnoqe >1utqrno^( sBruelqord qcea u/v\op Surlum Lq ssecord aqr enuluoC lruelqord € uo tlq en(no/.ri 'lsr1rno.i.1 :tsI'I pezlflrolrd rnotr qlyh ryo/K 'no.{ uA\op ered 'sruolqord per. lno 8utryom en(e4\ 'suounlos dolanap pue lsrl rno[ IrE]tB ol tnoqe pa{let /.i.1 'raded rnor{ uo rueqt pue Bereurelqord qc€e }o stueuodruoc rsrl .1 'rsr18ur Jeleu III/!\ tl 'euru u1!\opaptll -Alos-ualqord rnol g]lrn leep ot BJtxe ouros alnpeqls snorcerd e^Bq Leru nol q8noqrlv 'eurr] eluos patse^\ a^Bq ot tdecxa Surtpou qsrldruolle III^\ noL 'taulQec alIJ elqee8eueuun rno. stredxe uortezrue8roJegto pue uotsulr6 'no/. Surqt tsJI] aql rnol ur s8urq] aqt tnoqe {ulr{J jl 'peilue8rosrp 1ee.o tear{s reqt }Jo JBa} '.1l luBJ uo seter8 . uo e]rJ/r\nol.1 suollB 'pu1u rnort -nlrs snorJBA sesuodsar ol leuoltoue rnori. rnod.{lluelsuof.(.3urql[Jale.llerrrur Lq rsrl rno.{q tuana fr q8norqt unJ pue Lep lecrdLf B lnoqe {ulr{J 'srual -qord cglcads Surrelosrpue Surlgrtuepl roJ senlf.llecrreruels[suec nod. 'sr tsrl rno/.suof.lasrnod gtyrr teeru ot uorsrf.lruapl Jo sa8edgrlm dn pue nol. srqr ra8 nod. ssoruaql }l lnq ^\ou rq8u euop aq ot e^Bq t(useop tesolo a8erots eqt tno Surueelo sdeqra4 'tee.epsnolf.6VZ pessotsreded. JoJsl euo srqt tnq 'sanssr uouezrue8ro .rldurrsuo snco.oj ot paau no[ 'pee]sul iuIBBe. 'rotera8u.i11enpl^lpur ot er{t JeplsuoC 'sued alqea8euBtu erotu 're11eurs u^{op ruaqt Sutleerg Aq sanssr SurL.B aTBIAI 'uaddeq 'tl ot punoJB la8 ol tre/r\ Lldruts no.{ueru oot ereqt ary lLsseur{sep rno/.{ uI erer{^\ -euros rl ollJ pue rB.pear1e selun pa8ueueard te.{. sl 'sruetl-gnslueru gtlrn rualqord eceds B sr ef.noL e{Bru teqt e. pue Lq Aezn leraue8 e ur sualqord arp 3ur>1uer rsrl rno.

{I 'lsr1rnol.oJ erurlJo uorssnf.{11ear 'aJIIrno[ [ueur se tl Jo seererer.noI B } 'peredulr .ilqeqord II. rno[ s12SumrogJe^o a8egre8 suBJ rno[ ery iLlssalaref..(lol 11.{ III^\ rq pallerapslr{J peu8rsap aqt iqtuoru snornerd o] peurnr IIns repuelef.nrs eqr Surdunp roJ saf.irred Sulp -pelseqt roj erel lpearle Llqeqorder.lJnrs qr1{r!\ otur seloqIIBIq 'daapere. er{r. e{Btu ot e^BqII.Bld reer8ere Leql is]esolr a8erots a8relgtl.ueruoIII are no[. e^eq ol SuroBer.lNVEhInOI .(em1ecr3o1 'elll rnol ]o #nts eql V JaAoloJtuof.n osnoqB ur alrl noAoq :rlrolua^ul JJqS Jno apdulo3 'ue1duonce rnoL JoJ {JoA{ '(*toiuaaul -errlegB eABq a{ aqr $aftDJ"J aW saftueuDWK pue ..{ ueld In}eJBf.. aqt rBqt seaplpue uorssnf.o] terlt fuoluanurue ll"tS srql Sursn #nrs uo Lllecrycads e{Bur pue rnot esnoqB eIeI 'plJo^\rnoL ur raltnlf. seqtuorua8eueusselnl o/r\t '/v\ou'luauta?vuDll{ ssaru sruelqordaceds Jo uo snf.q lereuac 'ef.arn3un1rtuerodull tsotu JoJ .leue uB gtl. lenpl^lpur pue sruelqord -1rred rno[ ]noqe Iult{I 'Iro^\erueq e sBlsrl peznrJoud rno[ asn'rno11o.{leuorleaue8rouerlt peredrur SuruueldeJ(eA\ ol [es elBJnJf.{ 'sllnpeCCV l.nod rng 'tueuodurl aq Leru[r.uop pue sraqto ar{t arou81'noi{ or leadde]Bql seaplaqt ot rueqt qrtetu ot ful pue a1.o slsl.E aJotuLlqeqordErl isa^lesrno op rref.{dl".srp replsuoono.noL -uaftul [g sesnf.erN ts11 lsatrrJ aWarysaftueivlt/Krno. tuerue8eueur 'srualgord anBS eceds pue eurr Jo &auBAB sepnlrur. 'Sutrolspue lno{]o Suruueldpue tro#e erues sarrnber aqt ppom rnodJo#rus eqr Jo lcerr 8ul -dee..uo re Surqlfuena xlj t(uef.(sV 'ruo]sAs leuouezrue8ro Llleuosred rnoL grlm petrBlsra3 no.092 issot uellrqtsou Pue ssoqstu^8 teA\qlr^r JetBIsrnoq auoq anrrre[eu no 'ueq] pug ot [r.{1:eln8urs sr-asle 8urqr. punoJe UO IiAZVUC OrdruS'LZv'l rON r^r.{aqa iure8eueeseq or relau '138q/y\Brp eruoselqnon '{Felncrrrede e^Bqlnq sef.{ueuBqt aroru areq sn eqr }o lsotu Surqr aqr -8utuue1d leql eruegse sr .nruoo] ur pue .E1d reqro luou tno reelr no[.{ BJo rlf.1 sseIAI luaruaEuuu. uo ](ueJB rer{l s8utqr [q pelcenslp ta8 t.notr'rueq] lnd nor{eraqt\ reqruaru -eJol elqe aq lou [eru nof 'slooq Jeturl\ rnod lno la8 ol eur] s(truaq/X\ 'slle.srp pue rerdeqJsrqr ur JetBIro.n sr ueld snp Surdole^ep uets ot .

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.xeuo .ssaru B eJB sedolenue trrol 'ef.ur reqtoq e^\ plnol\ .1 'eceds rnoA Sutrannlf.O irsll rno ur srqr Surpnlf. sleualeru Jo [rlruenb aqr saf.{ aldoad ro.ilddns e Surdea1 reprsuor plnoqs nolt lng .{m :sa1de1g jtrnq t(usaop tI tnq 'repro Jo esuesB ot lertues -se t. sJeqto IBreAespue sseJppe urnter rnod gllrn aperu druets B e^Bq 'sarlddns Surperu eseqt gtlrn Buoly :dululg sseJppv uJnleg 's8uryeur lerceds rnod JoJpueq uo sdruetsjo .e1dor spl>[aqr enr8 am Burqteurosor pare8elerueeq seq raded uoqrec 'sretuac .lr prole o1 :sdurqs Jo luewuossv 'a8elsod tuorf.( ur JapJoeqr ot uonnglJtuoc Inlosn B sr .s1age1 Surperu reded ueqt enrs -uedxe erotu sr druets Jeqgnr e g8noqtly 'Llruanbar.beuen e dae>1 'e8etsod ssef.i.. eteldruoc uBc no/. {JolrJeded ertXo eqt eABq no[ 're]uec Ldoc egr or re8 uec no[ Illun 'etul] Brtxa pue dut lercadse elnber Latll lnq lear8 are seutqceru Surreorldnq 'ellr^\ no[ sra]tel tuetrodun 11e.se8etsode SurLnq SCOHIEI^{ CNV S]INVHCEIAI :NOIJVZINVCUO NI CCV IO S3I]^IVNAC .npal rr .eznly 'ece1dredord str ur tr qJEnBeJpue Papeol relders rno^. qcear rq8rru ryo^ureded it(uop-pro.{11ear tl tng 'qot stqr roJ aulj tsnf ryom dlqeqord sra8ug rno1 'loor lue]rodrur uB se lsrl ot ruetl l.(doc lcrnb Jo le^rrre ar{t W}/N :.eru ryonreded rnoL 'a1ecsB tno -r{ll45 '{sap rno[ go l.IJJo rno.rade4 uoqJeC 'eJuo Lluo ISEI E op ot aneq no[ os dael sl.{. grlrn puodseuoc no.usl ssautBeN 'elqBpBeruneq osle rqSru sprocar rno[ ro.t\ B ul nol 'rbdrue sr ralders rno[ uer{^\ req] 'q8noqr 'teq a4t iecueBrlletur rno[ ]lnsur ol 8urfur rou er(a/X\'teISEq [1ddns rnoz(ur seldetsaneq no[ esrno3. 'reded uoqrec SursnJo rrgerl egt ur la8 nod.rilnsur JoJ suJnteJeorllo tl lsod aqt uer{Ar etuu puof.osardoctuBtsur elBru ot pueq uo .t e8ed Surssrru eqr purj ot elgnort pue erurt enxe eqt a{Bt or eneq no[ ueqJ ipaddllcun Suturoreq Jo Lem snouatslru e seq reqla8or peddrlc 'peelsur drlc reded B ro.{euou Surtse.lerelpeurrur ryoznradeder]xa eqr ra8 puB IsBt rnod ereldruoc ot nod selqeue osle tl 'err3Jolsod arlt ot Surnup jo elqnort pue etult eqt seAES auoq te II€ru rnol 3urq8ral6 'alef.rauedg Jeile-I 'sleqBl Jo lno um nor{ ero}eq luro} reproer eql 'elpuBq ot peeu Ileru ol SuueqrueurerJo uelqord aqr setBunurlaoslB rI nol. peau noL sserPPB rrlnler ro elBP a8elsod aql 'e11d uI tel' atl t(uop pue .es B ISep rno.197.1ps reqrer e elll tuaes rq8nu slqJ :.{ uo dn pua l.iep durer B uo grlm l.

noL Suro8ro.^'r.897.(11eerd.{auoru dn seer. JI lnq dur r1s IEnuuB rnol.i allr{^\ sller Suruaans Jo} osle tnq tno aJ(noLelyqzlr sllef.y1rnol q]ld\ '[uedruoo IIer!\ {ro/K tq31u tBqt serntBeJSurnesalull l. B ur selrJur Perots eq o1 seq .no[os sllBf.uBurJegr utqtrl\ are sratnduroc tlareuntJoC 'srsrl oc oI Pazrl -uoud elldruoc pue qot uuet 3uo1B.Br.eru rnori..t lno rl re8 pue qot eqr Jo Jo 'XZVI rON r.ue/rlsuv 'ISaprno/{ puB pulu rno. teurqef.ue azn'eurqJeru Suualrsue uB ud\o l(uop noL.brluenb raaqs er{r Jo uouJnper eqr sr retndruof..1 :eurqre4 Eu. spe pelJISS€1f. uo e^e uB dae. Sururetureu JoJLluo tou InJesner. seurqf. ]B plos ueuo eqt eJBseuo Jeplo aqt 'pacnpoJtur eJBslaporu A\eu sV 'eJoleq Je^e ueqr eldoad eJourJo rlceer IBrf..ueru e^eq [.tlaurtnor no. noL 'ur saruof.t 'secud elqeuoseer [pre.o seJrlJes Suuemsue eteBltsalur ot tuBl!\ oslB rno[ rq8rru no1 'sauo tuetrodrur eqt ssrurt(uop no[ os Lllecrpoued s11eo Suue.lsuy {ceqc ot elnJ B e1eru lsnf'sranes-arun IBaJeq uBf.Blpsee eq UBJ {ooq1oeqJ rno.rsa.o pBatsur tBqf. B }o a8eruenpe euo 'llel\ se s8urqt reqto i{ueul op uer rl tnq elrrl\ ol &rlrqB rno[ anordun ot ra]nduroc e Sursn]o enlB^ eqt tnoqe pe{ler Lpearle e16 't1 tar8ar JaAOU 'ralndruoc e dnq ol ./.{ tdrual lBr{t suortdnuetur /.i.eq uBf.ruortrele leor8etu er{t eplsul pBatsur perots eq uBf.eseqt aruof.u 'sq1nqrqBII noA llr arou8r uBf. ot no.l UO NVEy\nOI iIAZVUC Ardnrs .{ueru eJBaJar{I 'eABq t(uop no.uo run] . tuetrodrur ue jI 'slllq rno.releJf. no[ 11es ot ur seruoc IIel E JI 'rl tdacralur uBf.1 '{Jo^\ no. teqt sruerSordSuruueld lcelord pue Jepunuer Inpapuol\ aJBeJeql 's>loogtueruturodde pue sJBpuelBJ ruarualddns osle uBf.ud pue .{ Lq pere.ralnduroC V 'a1/.ueu plone uec noL 'ryom ol u/lrop lrs no[ se eulqf.o slletap eqt aaue8ro 'srurele punos uBf.Laql 'ur seuloc IIBo B ueq^\ 1y\ouI 11.eJpue slceqr Sunum lo eJor{f.(lqfuoru eql :atnduroc eqt jo sf.o . tl 'auo Anq or noA a8ernof.( Surpouof. ernseert [eru no1 iperedrur [11euorr -ezrue?toeqr roJ plB elqenlB^ur uB sr slr{J sJelrr. Surruocur durets-eul] rBqt slepoul .IIBf. Jetnduoc y 'eJB^\Uos Surtunocf.{I auogdelet rno.b req/ll Jo qsnl/{ 'sellt Pue lro1r\reded .B qtrl\{ peqsrldruof.f. ree[ euo ]l 11.

noA os sf. pauosBessv 'proJJ€uec nod ter{t ecud B te tuetudrnba retndruoo pulJ l.697 'slea.4 eIId reded iurnq pue qsero B tsure8e pa -tcatord ar.uplcl islnu ad\eJelx\'oP e/)4.slpeteredaseeJqt ol uo selrj tuelrodrur rno/.{rrpqedec ^louT ezn l. ol luB/r\ e/r\ sJesnratndruof. Ldoc ro uetsAs adet dnlceq E esn 1VJVCI U3OI dn )CVg :ereq^\tuanesresn ratnduof.uuecun seq lreur teql eqt lou eJ(eA\ Jo .{ y1 icr8eur relndruoc Jo suorl 11. uo eurBurno'{ gtlm raDel ill E re^rlep ot rerrref.lle4\.i. nod eJnsa{BIAI 'lr anerJteJot ee} uee{ e se8reqc tradxe fuanocor ErBpB BtBp rnod asol lltun tseel tB Jo JeAeJoJ 'surnq pue seqseJcenrJp preq rno.TC . tr ^\oq s(teqltsBOI '.{ -Blnurl aql lnoqe nor( uounBf.Jo uoltseSSnseqt /nollo.eru noL pue SAOHIEhI CINV SCINVHSEhI :NOIIVZINVCUO NI CCV JO S3IY\VN.3ur1oo1 tB ueq^\ Surrildulnu .IIBIUeqt roJ Sur8uolrequeruar nod op '{pllql e sV

snu etelnrunf.{ 'Surdea1 's^ Surgserl reno eauoBe noL.Je osle notr'sldreoeJ pJBf.{eru tlperf.noL tBqt sJepuIUeJsnoeuellaf.1 'elld redord eqt ul Surqrfuana tnd Llleorsdqd pue xoq rnoA tno drunp ot relerd rq8rru no1 'serJo8etecesaqt Jo euo ur tsrl rel -sBurrno[ luou Surgrfuena ]nd puB JIBq ur raded Jo teeqs puof. pue s8ur8uolaq Jno uos uBJ el6 .r rroq] pug teqt sSoleleoe^rJro rno. sr a8etue^pesrp eqJ Jerler e eq ueo Suoue esooqf.i.o tBr{1K tno JePJooleeJc or un8eq lsnI an.o ef.{ s8urqr eqr u/t\op tol'senure -nf.i.uof.JnosB sr TJod\rededeqr qtr^\ op ot tBr{A\lno Suun8rg IIIZVUS UO Ardnrs 'XZVI JON r^'{.f. 10u Jo Jaqleql6 's.l1 :setro8etef. eq ot peeu noL fuo8etef....l NVAI{ nOI .rnosLluo er{] t(usr IIBy\ Jo 'Lep fuene esnoq rnol ot de. puB seJrolur aJots 'sdr1s B {uBq. Aluo eql 'sr uorlezrue8ro s(ler{t pue ueld € rltrl\{ 8ur>pom oJ(notr 'JapJosrp>potuaded.092 ot s8urql rno^ sr tnoqe pauref.o ef.esn ot [see [lanrreler 'e8re1o/!\l qtrl!\ ]no uets ol tued\ tq8tru nol 'mou JoC 'sued algee8eueru eJotu '11erus o]ur tsrl IBJa -ua8 rnoL epl^lp ot sr qof rxau rno prlqr B elld trets ot tuBA\ rq8nu no.ssecord B srqt jo pua eqt tV 'tsrl rno[ o] uretr qrea ppe pue a1ld rnoL q8norqr oB '1aem 'xoq erlt e ur raded. e3.e lnd 'os Jo 11e {aal\ B JoC Ileru eqr uaqnl Lep Lrang :uge8y {ooqelo51 Euruueld rnotr asfl 'ue1d B peau nolv' juaua&uunyl 'rerunoc rno[ uo u^\or8 aneg or sreded ure] alld ra4Dd qtlr!\ IBep oJ Jo -unotu e JoJot\t Jo Lep e B uBql eJolu aIBl t(useop 1l JIesJno.Brtslp aqr 8ur 'sserppe -lEuItuIIE 'doqs ot reCCV uB ro.uorsnjuoJ pue uoueABJSSe. ot suetr Jo sn\or pue sraddoqs rer{to Jo suortf.uef. eqr rnd ol ereld e Surpur. 'Sopteo repJo lleru euo ruog repro nor{ se uoos sV isexoqlleul rno ur Sutntue sdeal >pomaded eqr tng-sJededszneu pue seutze8eurlaf.o eapl elqBuoseeJ eABqplnoqs no.re1 qtln\ euoq elrrrB .rade4 rno azuo8ele3 'fuotuenu1 >[romraded rno/.as e aplnlcl '*aay ot s?uryT pue qsp.reqto ruog sSolelec grlrn pa8nlap Lllcrnb el.o secardpue stdrecarpetelnru Jo pue eqt tV 'enreceJno.{em leer8 B eq uec rapro IIBIAT PUB3lueu rnor{ Pasel{3rndaneq or{r!\ saruedruof. ueltrJl\ en.o e11d no[ 'spuBJJe ^(epe JoUV 'ryomraded.nor{'11azrleeJno/.(ro.

llecrraqeqdle sap.t11rue. aprsB prlqr rno[ ]noqtr/r\op Tomradedregr rnd Jo Lro8eleo t(uef. e e{ll qf.edLl Lq ro l.ryomrededer]xa eqt r{tr/r\ Precslp suoISIOep IBep seutlPeaP lo If.noL oseqtJo lf. }o esoqtpue e1l..nru1ool rou. plnoqsnod 'mouro{ 'sreploJ .elas Surpuas PUB dllecrreurorne.s8ulql eser{t uec Jo eluos ot e{Bruno[ sy. 11.azrs u/v\op ur paredan. eq III/\{seuo8etef. -olne 'Lsea ruetsds u8tsepot peeu JoJ.r€ peeu uroplasno.{ III^\ arer{l q8noqlly dael ot sI l.{eru e1rd III^.JB eseqtSurSeueru tnoqe JatBI f.(q eq Lpearle plnoqsqsert or s8urq1 .{s sesn B qnp {ooq eql }l irepro rq8nu noi( s>1ooq .orred sn{t qtr^\ trets II.a1 aq1 'sallgasnod5 salClvrrosrad'lnnuvmgpuD pue asnoH 'elpueq no.bltuenb eqt ecnper.nads ot Pull eql uo puedep IIIA\rl esnBcaq nol' otur algdeltCo1 rnoAur sreded tros t(uef.BJt deel or perederd aqt noL eJB'suortf.I9Z 'tsrlC 'seullepln8omt ra#o ruetsLs _ . rng ryomreded.o .rteur . plnoqg ApuelsrsuoC pue Al.ert daal oT '^\ou rqSu roJ ellJ oQ oI errlue rnod eplsB les '>pomraded.\rl rno[ q8noqlly '8urun]-aulJ ]o detstxau aql Buunptl esnt(uop pue A\ou 'sagLBw Jo.o asarltezrue8ro /v\oqA11ecr.rno[ dn tas rno.a/N 'sruetrSurpuadpue tuerrnf. sy 'fuo8alecallC eqr w eslaSurqrfuane rncl 'fuo8alecoC oI aqt ur 'slllq sBqf.{uepearot eturt e^Bq .usl 'ure8y.ns'uo tce o1peeuno.{. e 11.ssef.1 'uec aSeqreS rno.eq ro rueqt e8ueueor zrroq noL ller t(uef.tuetrodrur IIBr II.{ yo sauo8etef.noz( due eJaqtsl lsaraturAeur8ul|eru qnls Iooq aql 's.1uosnro. ot ryom -rededeqr-elld ellCo1rno.{ Sutl_U -rno..{ elll PUB sPeau rnoL pultu ur deel 'ssacord Surtrossrqt enunuof.]urod syqrly 'lJo/t\radedLlyeprno[ uer{] pa8eueur r{1ysea eJotus(tresnef.nol.e/v\ ruets^_s eqt tng .a/)A.e41 'sdnor8-qns aqt 11ar pue sreplolel$ etuoslno la8 .no[ aqr jo .( uo[ ]uarua8e -uBI^{ a114 raded eqr tnoqe snorxue ssellee}plnoqsnof .tl op ol Jo ssalpre8er demBuoJA\ tg8u B t. SAOHI3I{ CNV SCINVHCShJ:NOIJVZINVCUO NI CCV IO SCIhIVNAO . eseqtor SurprorceSurtros 'depeno eruoseq 'peorq pue eldurs sdnor8rno. fur lereue8Sursn rg8nu no/.nol.{reqr Surqilue lnd alll o1s3ury1 puB oc oJ s8urql :rool' aqt uo sa1ld od\t e1Bur sdnor8Jelletuso^rt ur ls1 rnol tJoS ro 'uoos 'ta[ rua]sLs SurI..Jog.tseuoqeq 1nq.rep8eg tuelsl(S EqUf rnol esfl :I# eFU IuuIPreC 'PreA\ropq8rerrs Lple.{e/1..(ltuecglu8ys no[ .og .daa.ssef.

taQn4 to an?v14 Jo uoueruou 'slqr op ot ueld cgyceds o{Eru .i.noL roC 'pezrue8ro oq ot pardurareq l(uoq oot alduqs l! daay 27# el]l-u FuIPreJ 'Suueeder stuBrrel!\ rnq 'sn1tples [pearle tl nor{ A\Ou)I '.uop no[ y1'srseq -ruroddeu€ ur lycuedpu€ elnpeqcsrno.797. xel euoq deal ot Beplpoo8 B s(tlef.i. lr 'iJo^/\ ot uesoqc an.n serldrrlntupue speerds rr-r1rcrn.Fe1n8ar esnlsnru no.3ur1aqe1 qsrurJ saurll PeFPeqts le {ro/$rade4 rnol qrlrh leel l :g# elnu IBUIPTBC 'reploJeuo ur rarlreSor rarpo deal rng 'eleredasesoqldeel ot lue/r\ rq8tur sprof.1 'cla 'scruoJtf.'asnoqrnol.eleredes deal ot tuBd\ rnor{ur sruetrpetEIeJ puB stueuenordtul euoq }o spJof.y taded.( uedo JeAaNl'aceds aJr#o rno.tlluetsrsuof.(.eznle rrqer{ B a>lBru }o 'eurtnor B pue Suruueld 1n.rzvuc uo ardrus'LZvaroN h{.{ ellJ Sururocur III^.INVat\ nol . sreplo.srurpue uo lreur Sunuocul e{Bt s.{ 'uSrsep tl il.i.ot\t Jo euo ur suall Jo sprooer ool petelareseqldnor8ot relleg aq Llqeqordplnot\ rI 'petecrldruof.ueurg/auog qree ro.{uaqa tnoqe uorsroep e{Btu Aleterpaurrur 'Surrros noL rer.urs 'sreplo.{e.f.rq8noqt uo spuedep uorlezrue8ro Inlssef.(em rnor{ uo sef.erpereleJ-aruor{ no.o ecardfuanaSulltJpuB sreplo. rno.erdlerenes uado Jo seArJJB uoq/\ nof 'roop aqr lno .i.'gSnogr'qcnru oot suorsl^lP 'Suuadre: 'tuerudrnba no.ele arecuaBI 'secuerldde -ruell dael plnol no 'ellj lerf.ns areld etuBs eqr uI {ro^rrade4 rno^ eIPueH saenly :?# elnu leulprec snonsesrp peads Surqsruotse pue isrlnser eqt gtl.eceld eql ot {ro/n IIeu rno. 11es ueqA\sesofund JoJstueuranordrur nol.IleqC 'ryoznreded lleru pue B rno. 'ure8B IoJtuoJ Jo tno 'euroq re8 noL ueq/v\elld. aA(oA\ e1tr pue l.{auu-eur} euosaq III/r\uets^s rno.\no.noL tnoK Suro8uouB uo 4t"ornt"aQn{ \i!n nauuo] lueru{ q8norqf drg noL }I 'unr" arry ro -raded snoeuellef.n1y IIBq tuory eqt ur 'retunoo ueqctrl eqt uo lleul rno.i.ur plnoqs no1 ryol\raded rnor{ Surlpueq sl.aqd 8urxe1fuad ecuauedxa aqr B 'eldruexa Llqeqord11.tssaur e Lq pareer8 eq IIIIr Iae' or ur8eq II.

B dllcrnb uec noAos {Jot\rededlueuodrul slqr lnd ol ereq^\tno ern8g ot aABr{ nod zno51 :sseJrv pue e8uJo1slnoqv uorsl'ao e e{eI^I isrequo puB lsrl rnoLJJoqol eqr ra8 ueo no[ os nol.noA teqt A{oN luerue8eueurstwelld redsd puB s(oo oI SAOHIEI{ CNV SCINVHCAhI :NOIIVZINVCUO NI CCV IO SCIhIVN^CI .o acardeurBs Surpgnqs .Jr Surp.o ear8apeqt asn 'radedyo ecardfuaneot JotJBJ acueuodurr ue u8rsse peau nol 'ryomrededsrq] Jo uorsnjuooeqt grlm ot leep oJ 'tuerue8euetlq sseln{ esoqtgtl.Suruossrgl op noL sy Jo 'r.eyrl oCI re8 Jo ot etun ot lercedsB t(uBf.(.. salult [ueu A\oqpue Buol . -lpnI'1q3rs Jo tno s(tlef.Bedruetsetepplnoc no[ 'eldurBxe .1 'suorsrceP eruos e{Bru or nod rdruord III^\ }l 'puoceg 'radedeqt }o tdrecarJo erep ar{r lueurnrop IIIA\t1 'lsJlg 'sasofund o^\t se^res sn{I 'tl alpuBgnoL elull . uo eq plnoqs qot egr reqtar{^\uorl 'e11d oJ rnoA tno puB paqslulJqot aqr -senb ol arun s.putru jo tno s. B uI tl rnd plnotls nol.i.s elun s.tueuodul :allJoCIoI rno[ ur 1ro^\Jaded eleJedas aql ol l.cue8rn.o sacerd tuetrodrurun . lueuetuJedrnor{Jo aJBJ ua1Bt en.{ 3urpea41'llB tB rsrl rnol.q o3 sdepeqt sBrstrorls l.lreql.raded roC aql ueaq en.{s ot 8ur>Feru pul{ eurosesn.o ecardqf.f.€.uo iulp Jo teeJrqSrerepun preLaqt ur tr 8ur/.a1 reded.tog.1 01 'lr e^elJteJ t.eq rededyo eoerd rno.uplnoqs nor{'uBJ qseJtrnodJo asnsnorf.!\oq >lJBJl ruals.rene reded.{ueruel€q t. Surpaen aqr op or pllql pooqroqg8reuE arrH 'l. ro. eepl os learSB sr srqt eJns tou oJ(e/x\ elrJeql ur JeploJ .asrsturlueuaSeuBtueurDJo suelgord araq^rsr $qI 'e11d oI lnsd-uorleaue8rosrp oC Jo ecrnosfueuud aql qtrll\ IEepol 'tueJsLs elult s.B Jsnru-lueuodrur lllou uo tcB tsntu..ue la8 er{r l(uo^\ spee/K tnq 'op plnoqs .ng ot urTBag uBO B ur . no^ .n Jo ePIIIo? ueuo puB tf. terlt dessuedxauouezrue8ro Aue14.nor( 'ruetJodrurun lluetrodul eq [eru lasuodser ]l e Surpuad-tueuodul luoos eruu etuosuo lf.uec nod pue tl uo 'sdtuels elBPur perededllern seuof.l1eqLe61iselull fueru ool palpuBq uaeq s.(eme ellJ SurqrauosSurDnd'reCIeV uB 'teurqBJ ssef.i.( eq ra^\ol' rno.t11eer Surqtotuos LeruuepreS no.92 -JetlBetuosgtlrn dn eruocot peeu Aeruno[ '1rop 01n aas paeu noL.

SurneH 'sdrtraBurl rno.Sury.o sqtdap eqt tn Surprser pBetsul'sauo8etel nualrc4w! rnol qf.B /. eqJ '>poznreded pue 'uoog/ruerrodrul luetrodurl aqdeyrl 'nrop.s }l 'runrululru e ot reunp ecrlJosdael pue U lrol!\reded Jo rol B sarots .eq Ja^eLeqt JI ruer{tur SuusenurJeprsuof.{1uo urersl.rJJns nod. dorlsap rno.alrj eqt ot selueu Irol!\ IIIIKsuollsaSSns IIIZVUC UO Ordnrs '.1 3qe{seg fno/ul eABr{ 'lduord IBnsIA B se tf. elrJ e.uplnoqsuortBruro}ur Jo pql snlr qSnoqlH eqt ut erun eruospeeu 11.uplnoqsLlqeqordl1 'ryorvueded 'erntn} oc oI rno..B pue ueesdllpeeraq UBJsa8esseur setouSurpuad rnoL 'dorlsap rno.{gll.{ 3uep1'pesserf.1 'reA\Brp dor eqt relo s8ueqtBql e.ureJorueq 11.nrx oot eq LerutaurqBf.uplp rr .noL rnoL tB eJB sep.n eq t. rnol.{ 'qrrno.i dlaq uer tl 'teeu {ool rou rq8nu lnernureld .-sse18 sa8etue^pe eesLlerru -lJePuBf.{ro} sl 'n4sngBuryua4 ro.nq t(uop noL.o esuedxe JeAoaJueprser 8ur>1et teurqeJey.LZV-I rON h{(l NVEI^I nOA . rno.{lruercr3ga 'lryesnsr teurqec ellJ € 'uorlsanbtnoqtrlN :elld dol4saq rl ' Jo rnoJul rl epl^lc 'prBoquuellng e SurSueq reprsuoc 3Preog upellng 'no[ ro.3/N\ ]ear8E eq plno^\ i3u[pfua ^e 4pl\ r. sl re{seq oqt teq^{ noL purruarot qr€a uo IeqBIe tnd 'IroA\ -radedasuodsag 3urrre16/euoq[peerly rno.i. esaqrJo euo sdeqra4'teurqef.tjJo ll e^oru uer no.o rsn8B lltun tsBOI le-Iro^\ rq8rurselyd petrossreded 'alqBIrB^E eruof.o eql rg8nu pue steulQec petuor.o '*oq ellJB ro.i.rnJes sreLgJo spJBJ sseursnq Jo roj salrJ rnoASursnaq lq8rur notr :sa8ed /rlolle Fuosred tueuer.]Bruot suortf.rr'dorlsep rno.Brl ur salrjSurdee>1 q8noqlly 'a1gdotlsep B sr Surgrtsaqtxeu eqt 'tuero -r.a Lpelncruedt(ueresa11d ecurs 'rre eqt q8norql Surreogrueqr spues ur Surdaa.e'le >pomreded ruooJeqt ssoJce ot tl eJoJeq {lBA4.b9Z 'rer{lreteurqer Sutlt} pulrn.1 'eceds rno.ured ielqnort qf.(uo ecedstuerf./tuerrodrul rnoL roJ sta1sag sEeerqt esn 'stelseqrnoJSursn uI .{uo ruoor e^Bq auo .nod salotsJo sef.B ot le^el eLate preoq urtellnq rno.o >lf.(1ndol peurlf.{ pue eqt dn ro .{ os elqBtJod Suraq iro/r\ BJtxeeplnord ot ISOP rI 'Iro/KradedSurpuedpue tuetrodurr rno[ .{ur perotseq t. e or 'setelnluncf.o e8elue^pepappBeqr sBr{ Jeueq dael no.rnoL.

{seeun o] urSeqpuB reDal tsrrJaqr uedo lee} no1 'urB8e 1:om lll/r\ tuets[s lear8 rnod ]eqt a8palnoul eqr ur arnf.{n1 t8f"i t1 -Ja.{s rno.rade.ratdeqc Ktoruau Jeqto 1B Jo senssr {ool II.{puarcrge e^Bqnol.t aqt ef.o sjpd'.d.{ rB lro^\ ol e^Bqno[ 'peaue8roJa]teqeq oI 'fuouraur puB uortuane Jo stuau -odruoc eql uo ruapuedap Lla8relsr rueue8eueyq a1l4radecl pue ssel\ .o aarSap Jo sselpJeSeg eqr 'luauaSvuntu .{ .i srql PIp eraqn lsnl PUV llee^\ ]sBIetor.san3 lueura8euel\I eIId .palnpeqcs jo rno[ uiaeq llruapr..ierne 'go SqltJ pue dn Suruarq8rBrts BuuealcuoourauBerrtueuB puadsnotr 8ur irerlrureJ {ool sauecs -^{ollo} eqt oc 'sllBtapeqt qtr^r op o1 teq^\ ol UESIAIEI/{11U aneq nod tanoerol4 'IsBr aqrjo sllerepar{r or puaue puB urers.lrssenl pue z{. -as '8urp.irl parrdua nod eunt ts€l aqt derr eqr IIIJaT ot peJegtuetueJ SununssB-euo ta8 puB Jezeeu ot o3 nol.LtarxueBursBeJour qrlrN lell.{uef.. esnecag JlasrnoLiopnord ernb IeeJpye eceds rnod punoreIool no1 .sno. uI 'uoltezlue8rosrp JB^\Jno ur ierlre8or eqt uo {ro^ uec }ueru -e8eueyrl a1l4rade4/sseyrl pue fuorualnJ ^\oq reprsuof.Ironreded.L!e e dn erou V .Iee^\ rsel pau8rsep noL siacordrrr".rl -resLq [llecrraqeqdleserr]uernof rsrl ot eepl poo8 B ag . u8tsopot uauo sr Btuurellp or esuodser eqt rng .ea 3u1aao11o. oCIoI aqt ro ur oBrl pKI i&nbur reqr.q uegl reqter ef. B e^Eq t(uop nol..q 'sratuafuBJ JoJ rulg pulj or JersBe B s(tl .oruaru JeDeq paeu e^\-tuelsr{srettaq E poau[11ear B ](uop ey]\ mau irualsds Jaqloue lal.r. leqr azrlear no[ teruslp rnoA o^t qrnl4J .a8n4 malla1luuosLad les ot ag lq8nu ruarsds-lryasn SCIOHIAI^{ ONV SCINVH3AI { :NOIIVZINVOUC} NI CCV cO SsIy\VNAo .3).no[ dlnbur eqt o] asuodsar grl/K op no[ plnoqs rBqrN '. .eqnc no.l . Surpuad alr.ure3e pue etult JlesrlSurreedar orrBuers Surxeldred srqr tBrlt pulj sreccv Lue14 ' ' 'ur8egot /!\oq enlf. pue Surrros seroqf.roura.srduroi.repun -eJol elqBeq lou derunol 'sdelsqcrod rnod pexlJor{rv\ retuedreceql 'uoterJsre^lv uqo[_1pco] paeu nod uaq/N .rrrlr[s aqr erntdecerot 8urfut selrJ rno.uoo no1 t"al\4aamauo 'afrF autDs oi aWC a\t 'ace1d redord stl ur Surqrdra""p?ltJ.o ddocrnoi j"A "o.. s(tal .auBu sly Jeqr.rue tuB/v\ uaqzn'uortezrueSrosrp nor{ rnod.eueu l.992 rno^ tnd ot tue/v\ngd^uaql6.uau lol .

{repun ll allJno.ualsds * esfl 'rr SuropeJe^\noL moq pue qsrldluof. eql aJeq/!\ eJB eor /v\ou>[ no1 tueqt ssef.eq ral 1l alu noL ptc 'elqBraunuurerBsef. q tl a1gnoL plc iellc auoH eql ur ro ellc 'a1lc esnodS rno.LZVaroN h{.(q Llleoueqeqdle lBuosrsd a8erots eql alqrssod asnBf. sreplojuear8ro sleqeluaar8asn IBIruBurJ aqt fuen rq8nu no1 'alpueq nol.osle1ooqelou SuruueldJno 'erurt rnoL gflrlr op ot s8urqfSurssard eJolu e^Bqdlqeqordnol.eJ nol 'aul] txeu ryo^\ or lceq ra8 qo[ J(use1r\ aql ]Bqt ueuo8ro.{'reneznoq'elll] rno.f.osauo8atef.(punoJepeards or Surgrtsaqtxeu eqt eq III^{ rql rnor{'rl op or tl eesot peeunoL.{ dl". erurt etsenr osle . lllrs sl qol relnclrredeq] Jo ssecord aql ellqlN 'Peqsrurjeq ol sPaeu al.i pKI :eluBu.1 'sJeplojrno. uaer8 -uorteruroJur puB Sutqueqro.f.r'{pueq ur seluof.\ uo 8ur>Fom PUB u^\op lol ol ]l esn 'ISBIBJo elppru aqt ur 3urryom tnoqe setoueruos dots ol e^Bqno[ ueq.lrane s]uetuor er{t u^\op Surllol (sellJ rno. uaqm 'osrunJaqlo ot qof tror{sB etrr^\ 'prl* rnoL ur JBelf.roloC Jo r.e raqto '{ueurur {ool rq8ru no. e^Br{.{eru 'A\oJJoruor eqt tJEtsaJ .{ rq8ru teqt rdruord reqtouv :Eu1po3. 1un1t e^\ 'znoqeuros em i{ro/\r plno^\ tBr{t esoddns 'reded frane ]o uoueool aqt ozrJoruoru trs ot arurt aqt eIBt JeqteJ puB AllecrsLqd salgrnoASurnerl p. asnoqrno[ JI 'sue]r [auoru ro.sep nol.. ryozmaded.o uorrdrJf.t ot sa8uer{f. ot Surprocce uBf.{s B Sutlg.o crued lsrl SuruunJ daal ot peeudeurnoz( eqt tualard o1 :ure8y lro t ol {ooqeloN Euluuuld rnol lnd iuoos tl peeu plnon\ nol.(asnetagelr.ruetsLs Jno 'Surpoc-Jolof. ryom no.992 'selu^\olle^ ur-uortBtueurncop esuedxo 'sraded a8e8uoru-sruetl pateleJesnoqIIB uoneloueJ pue seuueJJezn sr lnd ot luBA\rg8rur noL 'mo11a/.(Jo eurltno pe]Bp ro B o{BIAI'sellJ lueueruradpue tuerrnc rno[ q]oq ]o stuetuor aqr Jo 'stno{lelq ruels. log rnol.nozi.{'11 lsaceld 'petnlo^uor eroru roj razseu3qt ur Iool J(uo^\. oleru no^ auIlt Lue fsrl rno/.noLyl '^\arl ureld ur no. afepdnot aJnseg 'replo.Bld -tetu e8erotseruesaqt ruo{ tuaJalJlpLlallua uB sr altn JBr eqJ 'ece1d Llpaleaderno[ esneceq seqnf.(eurno1 'paqslulj 8ur/.v\oq. tBq^\ IIIISrBr{1\.tuo spueq rec '.1NVEIAI UO nOA IiAZVUC qrdnrs . nau>1 no. Alluercrga sr eJour pepoc-Jolof.(lqeqordnortqSnoqrlv llqereplsuoJeq LeruqoJeas rno.B ol no/.rt eJeA\ leqznSuncnrlsuof.

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'lflhenever you schedulesomethingthat involves preparation.I would regularlyreadthe current day'sentries and discoverthat TODAY is the big day. to If and time sheets. Since they aren't formatted.get out your planning notebookand make a list of everythingyou'll need.I party tomorrow. Although we suggest need to decidehow much structureyou can designtime framesthat match your needs.SruptoOn Cnazv?! of the year is a great ideabut it doesn'tsolvethe whole problem. you don't have access formatteddaily calendars your own.Your time sheetcan help for you compensate a faulty internal timeclock.When I'm out shopping.There is often a small sectionnext to eachrow of boxesto jot down notesfor the coming week. these. out an advancereminder.You MreN I'v Nor Lnzv.You can usethesepages frequently called phone numor bers.Unfortunately.birthday reminders anything elseyou want to keepwith your weekly organizer. Will you needto makeprovisions the family while you're And how about the emergency gone? What about calling a baby-sitter? If will need? you frequentlyhop in your car only numbersthe baby-sitter 772 . You can add your own datesand usethe subjectcolumn for divisions of time. Many computer softwareprogramsoffer pre. it's too late to senda card or gift! on A portableplanner worksbestfor me.There are often extra pagesin the back for recordingstudent for attendance. Th"y alsohave with sufficientspaceto write miscellaneous nores.With." can rememberto buy the cookiesfor the classroom Teacher Plan Books Are Useful Time Management Tools: The bestare large.8 ll} xl1-inch spiralbound booksthat open to display pages by segmenred subjectand daysof the week. I'm always the go and need somethingI can take alongon my can make you'll that you start with half-hour time segments. Strrcttrre Your Planning with Daily Time Sheets: Time sheetsare that managetime by the hour rather highly srructureddaily calendars than by the day and date.Don't leaveout anything! \Uill you need to weara particularoutfit?Add it for ro your list.

Compile "Everyday.make a list and post it at your door.srimare preparationtimes. tum on the answeringmachine. entering each item on your list in an esrimared block of time.If you tend to grossly .triple your estimate!\Urite the time of the evenr on your time sheetand work backwards.seehow closeyou were to your guess. \fhen you've finished rhis process. you'll know precisely when you need to begin gerringreadyfor your appointment. the baby-sitter's Put phone list emergency in the kitchen cabinetso it will be there everytime you need it. turn off the compurer. Get out the Door" Master Lists: How many times do you spendyour car trip across town trying to rememberwhether you turned off the iron and turned on the porch lightl Rather than relying on your memory. ir will ultimately saveyou time. Include the things you need to do wheneveryou go our: put the dog in the basement.estimarehow long each item will take and doubleyour estimate. An interestingexperimentto evaluateyour time sense to jot down is your "starting time" guess you go through this process.add a note ro your list to ger gas. Put your reminder list in a logical order.r. Keep a vacationchecklistin your file. you'll probablydiscover that you can accomplishthe planning stepsmore quickly as they become habits.rum on the porch light. Although this preplanningmay initially take extra rime. 273 . A lack of planning usuallycauses overwhelmingfeelingsof disorganization.DyNnvrcsOr ADD IN OnceNrZATroN: MEcuRNrcs ANo MprHons to discoverthat the gastank is empty.Over time. aggravation and the wrath of a bosswho impatiently sits in the conference room waiting for your late arrival. \Uhen you think things through and make"r. leave a note for your son. etc.the readiness steps becomemore automatic. before After you makeyour list and completeyour backwardtime entries. Our bet is that you'll discoveryou were pretty far off! Compile Master Lists of Reminders: Consider making a masterlist for recurringappointments. so you don't have ro srartfrom scratcheachtime.

A generic"pleaseexcuse for Zachary's absence" can be madewith spaces names.A quick fill-in-the-blank later.datesand reason. Make somemasterforms etc.You MreN I'v Nor Lezv. Prepare Duplicated "School" Master Lists: If you have school-age children. but ) ) .your note is finishedmore quickly than if you had to composea new note for every occasion. for asmany of theseactivities asyou can. absences. they will saveyou time. specialafter schoolbuschanges. A quick by look at your list asyou head out the door will shavepreciousminutes off your preparationtime.You won't have to wastetime racing back home to saveyour computerfrom getting zapped the thunder storm and lightning that hits. You won't have to rememberthesedetailsevery time you get readyto leave. you undoubtedlywrite many notes for field trip permissions.Your forms may not be personal.SruproOn Cnnzv?! Taking the time to think through your routine and write it down will savemuch time and aggravationin the long run.

index cards and his distractibilityro accomplish wonderfulthings.75 . He startsa new dated list every day. in ADDer we know r.ulV of us get side-tracked because ideaskeep popping inro our brains. You can accomplishthe samething with an alarm clock but your watch is portable.You can usean alarm waich asa reminder for appointmentsor ro keep yourselfon track.Jsestenographer Pads and Large Index cards: Aren't index cards the awful things we were instructedto usewhen we had to write a research paper? They were supposed help us organizeour ideasbut to often endedup being_used paperairplanes! rpit" of any negative as In experiences _may you have had using them. More than once. Set it to ring in a reasonable amount of time and then make a decision to work at leastuntil the alarm rings. of Even the bestsystem the world is put to the test by distractibility. If your watch is can set alarmsto ring every hour or at the sametime every day. You know what happens-you hop in for a quiCkfive minute showerand emerge shiveringthirry minutes later when your hot water tank is empty! I.t"ils of a particular call.rhe time and date of the call and any nores that apply.DvNnurcs ADD IN oncaNrZATroN: or MrcHaNrcs ANo MrrHons Buy a (waterproof) Watch with an Alarm: Alarm warchesare wonderful. \7i!h_t someingenuity. He alsouses stenopadsfor jotting down ideas. \Theneverhe makesor takesa call. he jots down the name an_d nhone number.Ai the the of ?.to pads. It's one less thing you have to keep track of and it can prevenrcold showers. index cardscan helf with organization thoughtsand daily details. His work is only briefly interruptedashe captures essence his ideason paper. Dependingon the style. He uses one exclusivelyfor the'phone callshe won't have to take it off.r*r tt".This srenobook is a permanenrrecord he can refer to wheneverite needsto rememberth" d. Plan a break at that point and resetthe alarm.He checksoff eachcall after he returnsit. he has been able to access phone number he a would otherwise have lost. He keepsa supply_of stenopadsat his work site and alsoby everytelephgne and chair wherehe may sit.

Since you don't have a secretary screen your calls.SruptoOn Cnezv?! he his end of a work session. And the index card systemcan enableyou to usediswithout interfering with the task tracting thoughts to your advantage at hand. You are in a meeting-a meetingwith yourself! Discover ttFound" Time: Take another look at your time diary. categorizing them ashe goes. Tell the caller that you'rein a meetingand will call him back. Stnrcture Procrastination to Your Advantage: Procrastination is the number one enemyof Time Management. The key in usingstenopads.He files his index cardsalphabetically when he addsnew ideasto existing cards until his next work session or creates new ones.a planning notebookor post-it notesis to usethem to keep yourselfon track and to regulateyour impulsivity. yourselfa note asa reminderand immediatelyget back to work. transfers random thoughts to index cards.Rather than readingoutdatedmagwhy don't you write your letter while you wait?It's something azines. '!7e That could aren't suggesting that you scheduleyour life to excess. In the middle of writing checks. Schedule Telephone Callback Times: Schedulespecifictimes to to make or return phone calls.Are there periodsof lost time?\7hat about the waiting room in the doctor's office?How about the commercialsduring the TV programyou were watching? Seehow much time you can find. you've been unable to find the time to do.Although ADDers tend 276 .You MEnNI'rnr Not Lnzv. Our photographerfriend'ssystemmay be helpful for will have to come up with your own screeningscript. with you to work on while you wait for the red light to tum green! But what about the time you spendin the waiting room?You'vebeen wanting to write a letter to your friend who moved out of town. You don't want to carry your pending file around be quite depressing.don't stop to make the hair appointment jot you just remembered.Don't worry about lying. It's been on your To Do list for weeks. The steno telephonerecord can act asa backup to your phone number directory and To Do list. Instead.

Then be prepared do nothing elsebut use to your pumpedup energyto finish the job. one is imno mune from the Perilof ProcrastinationJ What if we make this enemy our friend?What if we makeit an advantage rather than a disadvantage? \7e really do need to prefacethis suggesrion with a warning ro useir at your own risk! It's possible capitalize procrastination it into on but volvesVERY carefulplanning. must be able to attend in the first place. you can structureyour taskby purposely waiting until the last minute.In the you next chapter.Figureout the absoluteshortesttime you can reasonably expectto be able to accomplisha parricularjob.DyNavrcsOr ADD IN OncnNrZATroN: MrcHaNrcs ANo MErHoos to procrastinate more than our non-ADD counterparts. But StructuredProcrastination might be worth a know that organization dependenton memoryand attention. The unfortunatereality is that many peoplework bestwhen deadlines loom. As the deadlinegetscloser.k's usuallybetter to plan extra time rather than lesstime ro ger things done. They're is all interrelated-organizationstrategies dependon your remembering. 'We've usedmany "absolutes" this discussion structured in procrastiof nation because this is a risky sffaregy.You absolutely musrhave everythingelseclearedoff your daily time sheetfor the startingdeadline you'veestablished. energy goesinto overdriveand tasksarecrankedout at astonishing speed. And to remember.we'll continue our discussion examining the other two by partsof this interrelationship. Get out whatevertime organizer you're usingand write down the deadlinefor your job.The saferstrategies shouldbe your first line of attack. the adrenaline startsflowing. We would suggest that you rry this asa last ditch effort.So you probably ought to try usingstructured procrastination a job that won't yield for disastrous resuksif it doesn'rger finishedl This is how it works. Then add a seconddeadline-the absolutelatest time you can possiblystart working on your task. If you know your limits and arefairly good ar estimatingtime. 277 . If you recall from the diagramat the beginningof the chapter. This is contrary to conventional wisdom. \7e've considered time and space distinct organizational as processes.

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Lq s^\ouI Ir Surees Surqteuros 'cte'sqder8 'surer8etp 'serntctd:suouelueserdal lensrl grlm selou se{Bl s8utqrJequeueJot uonBzrlensrn sesn eqr punor8>1tBq ur 3ur>11er aldoadro esrou[q pareeusrp lpulncrrred sr a8en8uel [poq s,raleads qttetr dlesolcot speeu eqr puBuorssardxa IBIoBJ sernlctdolur lndur IBqJaA ((selEISuBJJ,, f,1^o1, tndur,i;otrpnesassecord serntf,el3urrro110; ^r1ncrilrpseq
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rnoA oresn noz( eruos pe'a;ard eurrurarep uec sanrc dl"tHfft$TJ

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senbruqrel L.rourayl dn Euluna
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r8e ur eorl -oerd cgrceds-eures eqt sr alf. reaj Asea eq rou rq8t* riqf 'dderaql Sutuut8ageJoJeg d11ue.srlnpe roj dlarer rnq sruaf. Surnes e aprnord or pazrue8roare sdnoro slll{S IErf.rqe^ eqt tnq (tuere#lp eq Leru sreeev ro.(pcelput sdnor8 q8noq..lil.(lyeorpolred lteqt ot paoutq8rurd11rue.S"":Iffi 1lli.'H[i:iff 3u1u1era sllHs IBrcoS eqt 1d11ue.sJer{to IBqJeA-uoupBoJ srorre lBrf.Bq^{orqr B sr srqr sdeqred -selope puB uerpllgc ueeg setl ddereql dnorS qqJ oov roJ elgBIrB^B 'Surltes dno. dnorg .Be lueserdeq ol raqlueu .tV'suortesreluor atertrur 11e .{ ur euoLrone ruo$ tuarutrruruof. tnoqtr^4.\dvuEHJ EUOIAIqNV IdVUEHI .eq 1lolq sJaqrueru roJ qf.oS oseBurrerrrrce."r. rBrf. ur rno^ auros3ur1se uBts plnoqs nod .lasreq arnportul pue tf.InJOS salnbar dnor8 slllls lercos e .o ecord Inlesn B ag 'asBr .eetuorternpeoqr^sd uorleJnpeoqeds4 er{l PeJuelJedxa ue jo sef.os'{slllls-esarltqsrlod ot seprunl 'roddo aplnord.(e1d-a1oJ dpoelp rueqr_r{f.LderaqtpeuersnoL uaq^\ lqoi isuortsenb . dranatcadxelllm rslderer{t eqJ 'srea[JoJuo oB].uo.ideragr aqr tnq rsrdel".'. e[e eleur o] Burureel se qf.i11rue.etuof.r1 uorsses tuosqeasnef. i.t"^ Irg^ t(useopLdereqr.f. e le8 ot luetJodruy 'sserSord s.osegr 3u1u3sgo ruou Surureel puB slllls p^rrB Jo sessaf.ns 'lsapour eltnb Lllensn aJBsseulll letueru erenesgtlm lBnpr^rpur uB ro.e9€ llJI)edS 'reProslPro sseulll raq tnoqe uosred B sar{f. {f."9.dnor'B uoddns B eIIIun 'euo ezrue8ro ot stlnpB CAV reqto gtpr trauuor or elqB aq rq8ru nod 'eere rnoA ur dnor8 elgBIrB^B eABqr(uop nod.{raqt^qtr/!\. sleo8 eql 'suelqord leuortotue ro letueru erelas reqto pue eiuarqd -ozlqf.zlrau artnboe ol rueql [Pttt Pue suoflenlls sJeqtuau dnorg IBrJos.Eet sdnor8 slllls lBrf.{11ue.ns Surcrreerdro.sgllrlt eldoad lBeJl ot pesn ueeg z(lleuorrrpeJt enetl sdnor8 eseqJ 'sJorleqeq eleudordde aJoru.. IIaA\ ue rnq .l.1 uB 'elzzndtuerutBeJt eqt.(ue u1 'ccv e^eq uec sdnorg sllllS l(uop stlnpB lBr{] srse lBrlos -qloddq egr or . rno.surnt eIEt ot ureol sJequeru pue senf. sleo8 eqJ .

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septeqt sdnor8 leuortef. 'trBtsor aceld aqt aq LlqeqordJo ar{l puBtsrepun no.oserres tsnl eq ](uplnoqsuortBf.rJJnf.rpeu B puo[aq pepeeulderaqr Lluo eqr eg rq8nu ]r 'eruos roC .99e saJeqs secllJes seteuopeqs(dnoJ8 setetrlrJeJ Jeq eqt B PUB leuorsseJoJd 'luatue^lo^ul e fuee1 JI rBqr luetuerrnbar uauo sr ereql lBuorsselord.11e pue -raue8sr snf.eqJ 'sunroJ rBIIurspetBtllr3BJ e^Bqpue sdnorS eseqr.eeol dleq elqBnlB^ur rarjo uBc sreqtuetu 'd1eq3les eleuortereqI dnor8 Fnpl^lpur ter{r sr sdnorg rroddngro Jo sdno.npa -ogol.lroul € ol asuodseJ sedn 8urudsued ul eABq 's8urtaeru SurrellllteJpue Surzr egr -ue8ro surnt eIP sJequaruagr 'pearsul 'Japeel tuaueruradou sr eJaql 'VV sBqrns sdnor8derg'an1el[ u1 'sdnor8esaqr peel puB ezrue8ro sef.1Saq.eq noL.rana lBuouBf.ie1d puB fureod.surllj .( plnoqs 1l llruo 'serderaqrogclsdJo 3uo1 eJo puo eqt tB sreadde t$l uorlrassrgrg8noqrlv '8uru:ee1 eluBqueot pesneq IIE plnor 8ur.spoqteu leuortBf.{puanbasuo3'tuetua^orudleq-Jlas paf. elerado ro e8regrJo ee5 e.Buo1 oor erojaqacelduI srqt elll urBrSord e^Br{II.npe 'seteconpe -^Aorl SuortseJB e/N itsrxalaz(1.npeoqcLsd eaueSroot eturt eqr pulj e oA\sEuoos sBesnor ueld eA\euo er{l sr pautllno e/v\ unlnf.urats.(s Aueru'rueruqsrlgBtse aqr qrleaq letueru leuorsseJord HrlrnfuSuy eA\.npeotlc.o ueuo ere sdnorS .o Surqceal euoreq oqr!\sreureelluaia!!ry IBuoItIpBnqtl^{ stlJeueq ot urees rq81ru l1 Jo PuBaleuorterer{t sdnor8esaql '?u1"wrqs Suuncuo 1.o a8etue^pe e{Bt 'sraqqy ro.o .ea 'Ir. B sdnor8 rroddng .l qrllN .i dleg leuorssa. ruerSord B etuof.uorssnosrp slor dnorg 'stuedrorrred Jo tsaretureqt ploq pue IBrretBU r{cBet eqr eql ol sanbruqoal &auen E esnplno^\ repeelpoo8 V .npeoqcLs4 e rdvuaHl suol^I aNV IdvuEHJ .tl.ulSuI sn ulol uec no[ 'BaJB rno[ ur dnor8B pul] l(uBO nor{...{ eJnlBu "toPulI eqt euruJatepot elqBuneq Leurno/.rg poddng ro d1ag.srp rrBJun 'dals tsrrJ3ql aq sdearrlB plnoqsuorlBrnpE'paauno.1 leuouef.npe..oJ eqJ 'raqto qf.ord 'sruelqord rno.isd }o aJBA\B 'seare Jleqt ut dnor8rBlltulse dolanapot ryo^{eruB{B sBtl esnuec sJepBaJ eruosedoq a41 'dnor8 leuorlBf.I^Jes qflBaq sesBJ lsoruul 'suollBuoP gflrlt lBlualuJo>1crnb ueuo eresraCCIV'serntJal..BJque oqr e^Bq .uonBf.1ag irtBuurf.l sdeqre4.

brlenb aqt ur .dereqt leuoulperr ur Surssrru fuenocer.orred ler8elurue sr slqJ 'sruelqord leqr sselu6l' are i1n.{rrpqeuenlear8 sI oreqt 'spunorSpeqtuerelJlpgrlm aldoedi(q unr pue pezrue8ro ere 'uortneo pron\B l.q pe1dnor8 y 'ramod JoJpeeu B-suosBar Suormeqt JoJseloJdrqsrapeol eunsseeldoadatuos 'Llqenar8ag'dlaqJles Jo qeo8 eqt ot tuetutnuruooB pue sllHs aldoed ureur orlJ poo3 ser{eqsleqt are repealdno.lyqrsuodser erunsse . l.o e8pelmoul peuJBe.agr esnef.elJe eq l(uo^r rallortuoc e l.pJerl 'dnorg er{t ereqsuBf.CCV seq ler]uerJedxa eql uauo sr pue tsrdereqroqc/. suorlecrJllenb 'sdnor8 lenpl^lpul Jo .99e 'e^rrf.ueuedxaeqt Jo Hj30\GtW UC)ArdruS'LZYI JON h{(l NVaIAI nOI IIAZVUC .{lenuceuec oq \ sJaqtuaru Suuamodule sdnor8esaqa ro.d1eq sdnof dleqlles IIB toN Jo ezn arB ppErsn1u 'sdnorSaseqrJo slueuodord3nsBrsnqlua am qSnoqllv 'reprosrp ql/tr a^rl t(useopoq^t lsrderaqt eqt B dq u/!\ouIun serurteruos sarBeleJts Surdor. are 'sJsqlueru dnor8 Jer{losEsluelqordaureseqt ruorySuuegns ef.r8 uoddns B ro.sreqruaru d1eq11eg }o ernlcnns eqt ulqtllN eqr '[deregr eqr ruog Surssnu ecerd sr tuetrodul eqt '. eql uec dnor8 uro.ruts {oBI B sr ualqord lerluerod reqtouv JIes BJo slrJeuaq Jo .dnor8 rnoqe suorsrf. doqs{ro^\ pualee/h B eq ueo SururertaqJ 'uorsserSSe legran gtlrn Burleapro.1 sl ccv 'PePeeu ernlsTurs sB aplnord ol uI dals ol paredardeq plnoqs rotBtl PaPPB -llceydnor8y '/.. sar8atBrls dnor8Jo srrsBq qsBel oslBplnoqs tI 'esngB puB sctrueudp eqt pllgr ol slrlupeoqrv\ euo Jo reqluelu dnorSIBplJIns qlr/t\ Fep 01^roq pue l.nssanbrurlcat ol speeueqs 'eualJeturot Jepeal asn 'uorssnoslp aleururopor surSeq eql JoJatun s.uonBzrue8ro ue pFp E e^Bq plnoqs dnor8 eqt ter{t uBetut(useopslqJ ..ul plnoqs Sururertaql 'Sururen atuose^Br{ Jo senssl plnoqs uieqr'sleuorssa.saunof.Jo salrupuB seulr Surpuepue Suruets lnoqB selnrqsrlgetse plnoqs dnorSaqr lBqt 'qSnoqr ueerusaop1l 'rol -elllllBj aql Lq tas BPuoBe grirn ateldruof.8ur1sesBqf.o Llllenb aqr anordurruec tuetlnsuof.o .ls 'urnt ur Jegrueru ol r{f.unoc cov erlJ'sraqtuetuslr .os V sJolluotuoqt\ JoteulpJooc dnor8rroddnsB serl'elduruxaro.slp ue pernl3nJtsun . B roJro srler8esruedxa sepr^ord Jeqleqt\ .Be Sur8ernof.lnoqlllN 'snroJB lnoqll/t\ sraPuB/t\ uolssnf.rts pue surnl eIBr sr ter{t os enrteJadulr eJnlcnr}s'dnor8 rroddnsCCV uB ul III^\ sraqrueur 'l. JI SurdocrnoqBuorssnf.IeuorssoJordJo seorlJes e eqI 'peel aqr 8ur1ereroJeq sdrqseorruardde elJesPUB LuBJSord lJo/t\ [.r .rdYuEHJEUO'\ ANV IdVUaHI .irlllqrsuodsar -ar dnorBeqJ 'satctlodro suer8ord s. 'yleuurf.uorledrcruedAlruntroddolenbe ernsue V ot selru eq lsnu erer{J 'rltoerlf.[ 'stuedrcruedse aul] Surpuads eqt Jetje alor dtqsJepeel aunssesJaqrueu'aldruexe eqt JoJ'dnor8 snoulLuouy 'suorsses 'JeAerr\oq eqt euoeuos 'atnQlJtuof.dnor8 JOq ags e.crdol B ot If.ep aqr eIetu l(useopaqs'aa. epnlf. ri11erot .ue sJeqruaru Jo tualls [uo{ tndut ro.urC releerc eql surBtu Jo llf.ear.{ aqJ 'erntf.slp JI Suyroqeuof.1pcr8o1ot1cLsd taqroue auo tBaDot ^\oq lnoqB selru unq oq rref.ord eql l(uere sdnor8uoddnsjo srepBOI q8noqlly 'Surzrlodouour are slenpl^lpul d\eJ teqr ro eraq^\ouSuro8aq e ol sureos e rBqt uorssncslp alelnturtsuauo senbruqretaseqJ 'srqSnogr Jaq eJer.L9€ 'sraPeal qllBeq dnor8 UoddnssurBrtpuB lBluelu B qll/tt re{ro^\ uB uI 'qo[ aql uo ecuauadxaure8 osleuBO srepee-I -lqru crpouad [q pazuollo. oot sr dnor8 eql }l tsol ere dnor8 dl. aag st euod-rane ot puB tseJelurureturerusJeqruetu aur.rr1e B -ltuaPlJuof.Ilot{of.sreqrueru rBelf.eldruBxe Joc Hrla.

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q pef. .brrrrtrsues eruBIBqgrlrn zblncr.o fualse]z\t IBuoIlBzIueBro pue ruaudole^ep aqt uo spuadap lnduy IBnsrA fuorlpnexeldurocol tcBer ol ulerq eqr Jo Lt111qe rBqr slruqns eqs 'lS Jo eereeqt ur qf.r.osues Jo uoueaue8ro eqr sl uoner8alul fuosuag tparfl 'looq srqr edocseqr puo.poqeqt puB sued [pog lBnpl^lpul 'parecrld ol eqr Jo uorlrsodpue lueurelorr eqr esues .b111qe Surnlonul 'asuas -rrrof.Brd pue pedolenap.osues anrtdepeue se{Bu puB Jeuueru terlr e^elleq ststdereqtIS 'esuodsar tuerf.nssassacord parecrld -ruof.{egsl uorteueldxepellelep B pue Jo xaldurocreqlBr sl IS puF{aqfuoar1r aql 'slsrderaqJlBuorrednccgl.{edor 8ur1pm daga 'sillIs ere uollef. eq plnoqs rl .oldueJreqt ol SurureJlJa#o setuedruor Lueyq'selllsJanrun sdnor8dtrunruuoo g8norqt elqEIrB^B pue are Laql '.i.rlf.r8elul d. rndur l.69€.tsea LFp.i.rlreuB ur erep fuosuessaaue8roureJqSuruoucun.Iunruruoo Jrar{tef.(poqpue errusodprem{^\BpuB uorlBurproof.glp ePnlf.blunruuor rnor{ur dnor8 B elef.unJsLp puB euo] B qrlm drqsuorrelar 19 'arnlsod 'stuatuanoru pezrue8ro-lle/n elf.tderaqrJo ruroJB sl (lS) uoner8elur fuosuag Llleraua8'aro.aLe-pueqpue 'gcnot ot .snu 'acueleq ade o} 1ecrs.dvuaHl euohl aNV rdvuEHJ .blnltcnpord sanordruluollef.-llel\ eqJ 'esn ro.pea 'tuaurdola^epIBtuJou qtl716 'eloq \ e se.s saqoear pllql B arull aql dq Jlteruolne seruof. -runruruor elrlre#e rBq] Suuroul 't1 ro.eJeqt'tndur fuosuas 'nreJII . eJoruleqlreruossr uorldacoudor4 'ecuBIBq JBlnqltsel eqr esues alltf. eroruroJ uonBpunoJeql seuof.eqsrqJ 'e8e1ooqf.(Feadrlcedec ur s(uletsuleJq Jo er{r .rosuag '.uequaot seel.{gd speelsesues eeJr{taseqtJo uortBJ8atur l.urasaqJ 'srualqord ecuetredxaIII/I\ egs 'sesuos f.rd Jnlnq pue rlf.reaser erp pue Sulrlrr\ elrsuetxe euop seq or.ol ot .rsegeseqlJalseur t(usaopIBnplAIp IBJeAes -ul ue Jr leqt sezrJoeqr '[rrzrer8 arnf. eroruJo uorlf.urys^p ot peel oslBsuelqord eseql sar[\y''rC or Surproccy 'tuaruo^oru.not seAIoAuI pue '4lifri eqr epnlcur uretsureJq ur paler8erursesues -usaft eql JrseqaqJ 'retel dolarrapteqr 'SutpeersBqf.Bt er{I 'sesues anpQacou4o.{/r\ }redxe uB sr serr{yueef 'V 'JCI 'O-I ro/pue CICV qrl^{ qen -pl^lput LueuruI uelqord aroc aql sr uouf.

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oa8esseyrl uleJg eqt ieuozrqft11rru lo rno rq8rertss.eLe .i.11 'asnods puelJ.tsa^\aqt uo relndod anbruqcelB sI .} ilueurqsllqersa IBf.4 Yrllt euo.dereqr 'req . 'alqeuoJtuof.(1urer -JeJll lnq tseof.uBlutenbce ldYuEHI EUOhI ANV IdVU:IHI .not ol uorsre^Baqt eznrsuesep ra11 sr Lllenper8ol peu8tsep .IlB qtl/t\ suolssas Surpen 'ra8pnqrnol.tuero.IPaueql rlq l(usBr{.asnaq rq8nu e8esseur 'qf..rlJI sespunosteqr Lderaqrer{t s.(1tuaunf. puo.{11enxas sluellr pesnqe esoq/t\ e^Bq $srnerr{cAsd ot rueqr perraJar Jo{ ue 'aldruExa sr grlrn Jo IBJeAAS 8urryom. sJno ef. Jo pue elrua8 are sanbruqceteqt Suturnsse uuoyad uBf.{eqere tsrderer{r JI 'sssue^rsuaJeP ellrf.ereH ulurg a8ussu. suoderletopreuBreH crtnaderaqtter{t tsaS8ns In.JnelerueuV 'elueruelle uB eq uuc sa8essBtu e uo e8esseru pesuef.

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sanbruqf.oj srq enordur puB u/t\op txlef.ts. Jeq Surdlaq 'CCV gtl. eqt eptn8 uec sadet uortexelar tauren ro tsrd -BJar{tB r{tl^\ sanbtuqcet asaqt Surureel grlart Buoly 'sa8erurtueseald $ Jo uortezrlBnsr^ pue SurqlBerq deap qSnorgr pecuBque .idereqr srqt ot palBIeJ stuarudole^ep ^teu ro.ur t(ue^Bq al(\ {uF{l e^\ esnBraq.brleal alBlnurs IBntce uBql JeA\olssI etult .et uoIIBXBIaJsuJeelluerlf.r.ueprne s]ues -ard sursnoC uBturoN 'urailoH ffiqo7g a\L.Jexe agr q8noJgr tuerlf.Jexa eqr seop eqs reqt tsog Etl q8noqrle 'pepeeu sBruaqt esn uec eqs . uado sJBepuB sar{a rno.(11enper8 uarlr pue Lrrleeg lenuln ul . sanbruqoal eseqJ 'ruels[s eunurull aqt ef.rssa.srp 'PIro^\ IBer eql ur lr oP plnor aq os paads eqt peseercur .btleag IBntJIn AdvueHJ suot\ aNV IdvuEHI .( dea.rEo.o 'baue^ B qlr/v\ eldoad dl".sLe 'ruetsl{saununur eqt Jo luauoduoJ tueuodul ue ' er{J 'uortBXBIeU elrsnlnl elrssarSor4 gtlrn surelgord.eru}l a133ntot Jlasurq ltl8ner . ll {qqr op e^\ tng CICV leuonrperl aouldar uBf.Lllenrln 'uree1 ot dsea ere sanbluqf.eq ol suedder{ Ienpl^lpq eqt ereqmdue elqBIrB^Bpue eery-lsof.barxue gllrn petBrJossB 'seslf.reasor eSnBJoq ureeJlsuleu eql olul{em slt Surleru un8eq sBq uortezrlensrn uonBzrIBnsrA 'snf.slllls roloru ureel ot elqe aq rq8rur tlnpe CCIV ue trrleeg lenurn q IoJluoJ Jototu ssor8Jo eurJ grl.nper ssensB sBInJesneq uBc rl .n srualqord JoJ esn petrurl auros eABq 'stuetulBart plnof.o sradola^ap aqr Jo euo 'Llaterntoe .{11ensn srql 'PoxBIer ere solf.snu deeq '^(peln8eJsesrf. ll srqr pepnlf.ns qlpls ro tV .eqereq rl pepnlf. aqJ 'uortexular etoulord reqt selueuretle aqt.{11enpl^lpu dg penerqf.Bsr uouBXBIarelf.bauen y PetBaJtaJBuorsuet Jo .ur e^(e/v\lnq luBeJlsulBlu eql olul [em s]t epBlu i(11eer seq Ldereql srr{J uonexelag elJsnIA[ ea.ueque uec uorlezrlensln leqt ef.rpueq Surpu eTq sBgf.r4 'uorteur8etur Jno ot sleedde tBr{r .et eqr sureel er{sreUV 'L11ep uaqr sallcerd ueqt pue Surrras dnor8 B ur Jo }les -Jer{Lq senbruqf.o [ueru or relllurs s(]l esnef.n rlnpe uB ro.{ uer tl saterrpul qf.ffiolouqcet srql.snu eqt IIB lltun [poq er{] ur sdnor8 elcsnru snorren er{l Surxelar pue Sursuer. 'e8els qcJBasaldpee uB ur lllls lo WaH Iooq slq ul 'sruelqord lecrperu.o .brleeu lenul^ }o uorssnf.ol A\eu enrsuadxe uB s. ref.ll '( i) nns n4 OO0'O0Z$ 'Surtu.Io requnu eqt esBersuruBf.

iq ro Jagunu u SurleaJlur ssaulnlesn uaeqt.tdereql uortezrlensln sseuelltf. dlanrsuelxe ut tlrueun3 pesnSuraqsr uorlBzllBnsrn 'LZv-IloN iiAZVuC uO rq81utuosradsnoIXuB 'sller ref. Joj uorsJalrpteer8 B aq plnol uonezrlensrl'aqe SurqlouJI 'urergeql ur s8urqrSuruos arp tno Suruealo'sp1eudutt sesJennusueJloJneu Surzrlensrn fut PUE 'srualqord taneznoq lq31u raCCV uV 'enp^ e^Br{rq8nu rl reqr srsaSSns Jeqto sU 'rloJeeser perueunf.usBqCICV Surreerlur . sr uorlBzrlensrn IensIA 'l.aueq puu tueuodruoclueuod -tul uB sI uoIlBxBIeU'SC1y JoJlueuleeJl rcunlpe ue sBpuB sruerSord sseulla^\ JeJuBf.S I^{. s(uBelluerlf.1 NVflIAI no1 .poq Jaq ezrlensrn tq8rur tuertBdreruec y 'seJrsep eqs srlnseJ Jo aJnlf.i.see Lpp. eql eql ol 'sJeureel Suonsro.rdleruaruB aleeJf.o tl.deraqrsrqt. uV Sullq8g srarplos Jo duue uB sBuatsAseununurs.D B iureJqalrtuenul pue rueel or rsrdereqrB r{lr^\ sTro^\tuerlc aql eql 'surqfuopua 'srallnusueJtoJneu Surruleceql lno Surpuas ureJq req arnlf. Alprcadse talseur ot .l.ur r{lercadsB sasn saurrletuos eqs 'eruoq lB esn leqr edel olpne peu8rsap Alpnlua^e III^\ aqssenbruqf.a#e aqJ Jo '1ryd1eq eqr punoJseq eqsdre8erur sepnlf.op .

If.eJ uec am sI sluIBIf.oJol tdrueue ou grlrn..\dYuaHI 3UOIAJ ANV IdVUEHI .Jexe aJB tl pue aqI 'luatuuoJrnue aqr luoJt uonElnrutlsssesxe llolq ot ueql esnplnos tno TaCICVue sdeqra4'Llllyqucrldde rapl^{ e^Brlrq8nu senbrutpel eseql etuos s/r\ouog puB sasrf."::i. -ul rl teqr rurEIOosle IAII Jo stueuodor4 alBl3BI puB arnssard poolq pesearf.ep e ef.reu pue uos -rad qcee ot enblun punos lerJes B sr BJtuBureqJ 'suonetlperu raq Eur -JnP esn ot tuedtcyrred qoee ro1D.. eqr ot dn palooq sr tuerlc V '&rrrrff.B eAB^\urBJq ernsBeluol sralndtuof. se^rarer luerlf. Jo esn eqr qrrn\ qcer q8tr{ auo8 .1 quIqHIqJ IBrrqeN 'lleA\ se 's.{ltueoar seq ]AIJ 'uorleJluaJuoc snf.brnueerf.'l#:ll (nf ) uopsqpelt 1uluepuersuu"ta .qd eqr dq sB PeJnsBeru uonBXBIer sef.nJtsul aqJ 'l.aseqr Surrroddns qf.BqpeeJolg cEE ul {rBqPeeJolg cflg 'uraqrfur ol unq t(uplno^\ Llureuac 'esnor eldrurs aJBS sesrf.LLf. lsotu aqJ senbpgra.rlu 'salnurur Aluaml awoq le PeJltf.Jexe Surgteerg Jo spur{ tueJe}Jlp sasnanbruqcet ezetue-Iu^\oul-llal\ eqJ 'qulqpllrlo Suunp dralxue pue ured Jo tueru -a8eueru eql ut 'esJnoo 'sl sanbruqrel esaqt Jo Jo esn uotutuof.wrmil lerceds B slJeles Jotf.aleldulocur -lpery IeruepueJsue{ pueuuof.em Jeqto ur dleg lq8rur ter{t anbruqcel uorlBXEIeJe sBuouel 'ssalaqreuoN ..(lalerurxordde.epJo $raJJa lecrSolorsl. eqr .orrcaro. pue setBtlperu eqs ellq/h relndurof.uof.npord IAIJ rBql petBrtsuoluap sBq rlsrBeseu 'uor]BXBIeJ Jo alels redaap e Sunlceer spJe/hol ssarSordreq s^\ollo.erd uarlr pue suorssas pue{ee^r otu . -uof.:i: rurod ese ##ff:sffillil".ilaar. pue .(8reua sesealf.. rr\ou or srq8noqr sltrurad Jotellpau er{J 'BJtuErureq sleedar Lpualrs eqs se sedaJeq sesolc luednrued eqr uorlBllpeu Suunq 'ArrleuosradJeq ol paqf. 'poolq eqt ur suortertuaf.o poued e ur rq8net Lllensn g enbrur{Jet uorlerlpeur er{J .i. uaxe ot srrreal ^llBnpurS aq3 'seneiv\ureJq eJnseeu lBql seurqJeu ruo{ {lBqpeeJ snonuuuof.bue1c lBtueru pue uorlBxelar ripog deep sacnpord tBgl enbruqcel lBluau aldrurs B sl IAIJ or rBf.JBesar tng.

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l NVE|I notr . no.8rauepue erult tuerf.\ZVUCuO aldruS'LZV-IION hl.deraqJ B euoreq l(uoq 'ecuo re dlaq apls Surldures |/.i.i rno.{PelJEls ueqlt plp uI 'peqslur.08t i{ooq slgr rnoq8norqr Sutpeaquaeq eas a^(e/heJeqd\ ol 91 rardeqc ol uJnl os 'rsBIroJ lseq eqr Pe^eseA(eA\ 'toe. ol eABq 11ar 'Sulrpr(ueur /.ueqt ^\ou eJorurol B zv\ou>l adoq eA. noL no.i. 'CCy rnor{ Sur8eueru en(e11t dueul peuIUBXe sar8etens pue uolletruolul Jo IBaP tear8B PeJeqs 'uorqseJ l(uoP e/X\ reqr ut eteradool puet sreCCV reqr no.ettnb Jou eJ(a/t\ 'Surpeer rng ro.rlrns SunsenultnoqtrznSutgtfuane Lgauq 'aruenapq /.

alo[ aqJ .ns-.esnef.eq ssacord Surlroxa 'Fy'ofB sI ]l 'teqt uBt{t ero]{ iserlrr.sartrlrqe -srpqtr^\ aldoaduBqt eJotuqJnu eJB rBqr uortf.asnoq eqopBue Surpllnqjo uortuetul eqr gll.nJol pa^otu rsnt j 'pear-llem dlqeqorder.sernotu ur .nl 01 aqKDuL .(11eur.o eldnoce Burznolp.&\ perrl e^(a/(\ ol 'selllllqlssod pue edoq tnoqe srretdeqr srqt asnef.t.uop puB) uBf.iepo1 .uPIP I PUB ItBq ellqA\B srqt etu pe{sBeuoetuos IIB sf.a8 ipanD&slp a\ ua\ffb.no1.srnoq repun ur srseqt salol eq] r{f. qtl^\ sellesrnoturenbreerpug rno sretndruo3 sJIteJ.e41.S]INPB ECBJ SaI]Inq#P eqr PSqIJJSoP SE E/T\ a^\ uena Iooq CICV SB $q] rnoqSnorqredoq puE tusnulrdo.lnq 1UU. puB spuar{ rnor{ezBruB nod puB enssr tou lsnl uuc ue sr 'ecuelsurroJ daalg ICICV ot slcedse poo8 are areqt asJnor JO.rnb ar. :prBog utrellng ralnduof.r8t (ssousnorrss ul l.o pBerql B aAB3..tcalord 8tg B s(rlrng.Krclo :auo "Laa$ auoauros wD iasno\ aqory uD?fnq oi a\w U saopsaftnraraflKy KuvrumoH -eq plno^{ .rl sl rlql '{tluniloddo alrelsgo 0l ruou 8I )rErdvHS . 'daa1s or roicop rno^ JEc ol lsnl urle]lu. B uo pereedde teqt Surtsodtuef.ue.tecor q8noue {f. eqr aru ene8enrre8eu fuan auoaruos .er snlt replsuoC isreqqv-uou relo se8el -uBApB enrSteql sattrlrqe sn olqenle^pue enbrune^Bq osluel(\ .eur]noJ I . lred ur sseoord Surlrcxaue sl qql 'looq rno Jo rerdegc IBUIJ Surrlrzn eqr^ roruesB etrr^\ (elqproq s(lrpuB plp I esnBf.r^uoJtuJr}B e/l\ ploq E/N .n Jno uBf.no1 9t 't.ssan8 .tq punoJuof.{oI ar. e.

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lsrrestsoru eqt jo euo 'spulru CCV rno otur [lssaprogadod srq8noq]Ianou puB snoe8euno 'se1o['sroqde]ayq 'seepl.{qrleam .{ftnllealf.ielll peq B r{f.l sBqcnu sB Jno 4el l.e^r teqt sr Suuuzntnoqe s8urgr8ur.ns -rseq op pp eq rer{zlt ot eruit peq eq ueqJ 'slletepLlpp eqr elpueq ol 'sluetunocf.teruLllensnt(usaop TIBIot peeuJnO -ldnuelurun 'palurlun.U+ns lduosnuerueq] uaq/v\'rete1 'rueql seq Josuef. suJnl alel ol lualuof.ssacord uB Surtum eql rell. e Surce. raltno uB saprnord ro.IBJntBu s(JaCICIV elBnnJBuBf.ord ur stesse agr qqy dueruteqt o^arleq lear8 ere seurlenb e16 '.o .tl 'esodJnd erueseqt senJas reproceredel B otur 3ur>11er teqt pug [eru nol '8ur]um a{ll t(uop noA.rA\ aql toN' ' 'seaplateraue8 .ueqce Surnequeqr rarddeqsn seleru Sunpou rnq sJapBeJ tnoqe /r\ou1t(uop el6 'eseelda.o e8eueqeqr seunt-oulJ ssaoord pue sedeqs Surrrpeaqt '{pelooc l1tuarf.06t -Breqt eq uBf.aqr 1ee.nsetuejSurteraue8 erun srq tuads eH .(puepuedepur turq eperupBq uoltuelur srq esneoeq ra8uol l. Jno ot are /.\oU srq8noqtJnO ot Jno uec 'sn Jo' ar{Jrupoo8 e sr SurtyJl\r leqt acuauadxeruo{ A{ouI e/N 'ssaf. pue uorsserdxajlas tsrrqt B ser{cuenb 3urru46 'rq8nelsuo ur8eq leqra^ eqt urou [e^neSur8pe suoruedurof. eJorueJBeA\'lalndruoJ eql otur ur srq8noqrrno Suunodrar.i.(1ql -peJf. sBJeAoazel? uets saLgispJo^\.rnxnl eqr eABq t(uop elr 'suorlenlrs tsotuul iuottdnuetur lnoqtr^{ IIBI ot ef.B 'sredee>lasnoq ot l. Leruoqr!\sJauetsrl stseJetur suedsuortuen€ eql pue Jo 'senlesrno sserdxe eurt pe ot qf.uloruospue L11ts ero^\uraqryo Lueryseapl f.openbsSuur. paeu aqt rnoqlrt\ sJetndruoc otur A.1'seapl {tBI B uer{t erotu Jo uorssardxe uaurrn\Jo rualqordB ueuo sl slqJ 'atrJ/v\ eter{[eru no1 ot .ue >pomot peeu ou peq eq 'tulq A\euTI eruu eqr rV 'xzvl roN r^{(l uO NVE1I nol iiAZVuC qrdnJs .eme eldoede^rrpum teqt sessef.3JBqs sJar{to uolteruJorulpue slq8rsurelqenle^ eql qtr^r ssecord Surtum eqt speaJ oslB tnq.y '/.euourq8noua sJeuepJBB srelznel eJrr{ pue '[laleunlroC 'a]ll L11ep sllHs r{ueru3ur>1ce1 E sE^\eH ro] uetrr PBqer{ 'ellq^rqlroar .xe leqre^ ro.{ruelndodseruequar(1uo uetsll ot [rrlqB oqJ 'ue]srlpuB tou suorlesJaluof.lpulj uBf..

JeeseJseqol 8ut]seratuluB Surpuel ur Lllenruana'/. er{J ilceq IIBr t(uo1!\ AIINnIuod.ueturoledlooqosraH raq aqs 'stueredpue sreqf. ol relndodpue IeoIIIJJ'Leuotu:lle rl aAEL{ stuees e 'ralrln B s€ssef.Eat peturoddesrp 'plJo/n rar{ uo PaPruluIor{A\euo[ue te raq '[11en]ue^E suotueduor .{sree'{ uet tsBeltB s{ool oq^\ etalqte '.eg sEruer{t peddorp[11ctnblnq s]seretulro .IJB pue spuelryesolf.eqs 'slseJetul Jo r{reuenqf.uasq€reqparnrrprlsraad'"ilLit::'.r6€ 'a8reqcq aq ot sleltueperc radord eqt e^Bqt.{11ue.o Lrols reprorer edet eqt esnereqctlnad eqt sr 3uuro11o.erlP eql lnoqe seeplu^\o req PBqaIrrBSlBtll aqt r{f.{rl sLeunle sB^\eqs 'pllqr [ddetlun puB ]lnf./.t' '$ eqsueqt ra8uno.eJ erueJag 1o 'sJelsBJBqf.cns eqs 'spuel5req dq palurpe pue pollue sI pue p1osreal'0g sl eIrrBC 'eJIIreq erueque ot Sutttur roJ UI8 B esnot peurBelsetloq^\ ueuloa CIAV Suruoolq-erele.iT:tfffiT.(ueurJaUV aTJJBC e paprole eqs 'asnlf. e^elleq-e{Blu Jeq aJa/ll 'rre88ergE se^\eqs esnef.o.r1nc sreerBc snorrB^tnoq€ sllsBlsnr{rue -$lp teer8e^Br{ot peueesaIrrBC'l1npeSunoLPuBluecseloPe sV uB 'saper8 rood pue luslrltlrf.srq8ru o] tuellr eqs 'jlesrer{ro.uppue sa8alloc lera^es 'slll{s papeeuer{t urBel or q8noue 3uo1snf. crta8raueuB s.ofueaqs]Bqt perenoJslp e JeH sllHs Surznarn:etur 'tuetsrsse qf.#p t 'aJIIreq ur tutod srql ol te8 eJB or peleneJteqs pBoJl.IO oJ SICVJS8O l\OuC .I.{ .uplp eqs tlereuntroj -un 'qf. tnq alnll uI patlnser 'pelqulnIpue Surrrurpuetll.o uollf.rBaser eql.ssaru reH '8ut]trm srq8noqlpezrue8rosrp reH 'ryol\aluoq ro slcaford semlcefqnse]IroAB] eqs PePIo^€ lnq Surpear sE/!\ arcorpau.(gaug se^\oqs JlesraqSutpur.eq 'uortoefar sree.3o1oqc[sd eer8ape ra8 ot looqf.1cor eqt Jo eJBA\Bun oIJJB3Lnue oql\ Lueyq -.ol to tno SurddorprerJv eqs alqBunro peroq oruef. sleo8eruose{etu ot peplrap eIrrBC'reqtoue or qol e8em runrulultuSuuoq euo ruou Surr.{1uo 'sraadraq pue pelreuseqs 'sarsetu€J s1ooqqrl^{ perdncroerdSutruof.eq uerPIIr{) Jeqro^q Peuunqs ot 8ur.reeser Jo sa^IIeqr se^tr slq] qtl^\ ruelqordLluo aql 'srcalqns qol eqg 'ryt8pelcadxaunuB ere^\ otur Surnleppal.{1uo peAIeJaJ rueBIIIatuI ur paurnl Alarerpue seper8 rnq ef.

eJrlnl ol rossejord roj petrB^\ sBr{tBerg eqr eqs req pleq puB slrBureq trg eqs 'tl asnot ^\or{peurBel e puBretnduroo Lnq ot pepllap eqs. eqt Jaq ene8tueredB sBsseJf.blnlrearf.B paplreppuB ereedyo arnseeur B punoJpeq aqs 'eerSep uB pef.(epeqt ef.{sseur eqs .ue^pe pelnbar rBqt IroA\ ur InJssesf.z6e sv 'sluelBtanbrunreq etBrJsrdde etuBJsrer{to 'ourqs[1pur. [q palagunf.srp rauv 'ruerSordatenper8rer.. B roj ueld or ueSegpuB peruelu deqr 'Lepqurg qtanrlqt req uO 'ryoA\rag g8nonlt teru peq eqslsr8o -loqcLsdB qlr/t\ af.suortdo Jeq ssasse Lllectfslleerot PUB uolteJtsn$Jeq/t\olle^\s pe8euetu of ar{S IIIZVUC UO Ardms'.uof.ofuorsrq3uo1re11.{ eqs re^eu eqs peqsrurJ :aded eqt otuo esBe gtlrn r!\og ot ue8aqspron\req 'Surtrr/\{pueq e tnoqe uJaf.{rrpqereq tnoqe stqnoppsleerf. uB sB/!r Alsnolnf.le^ou B pue serrots uoqs 'selcrtre etrJt\ ot eturt eABq sesJnoc paddorpegs .uerpllql o^\r puE eqsseur^rlf.oJd Suunq sPueIU Sutlcerlle ue8eqaIJJBC s1t1l Jo 'tsrl rellas lseg aqt uo sProf.ueun 'slq8noqt raq ezrue8ro raq rq8ner peq Surpear e^ol s(errreC .ursSurlrzn pepro^epeq rnq slset8ur1erre poo8 sB^r 'Joleepued\eu Jer{ ued tsalJeJs semsreded3urtu46 ^{eul oIJJBO eqt Jo 'l.perl eqseqclu aql ot rdacf.o s.ueturenbce pue lertuatodrag 'I.arnllBJ.8o1oqc'{sd ruerSordalenper8 ur B ur llorua o] e8ernoJpue eJuepr]uof.iotuaaqs 'uarpllqt petuB^rs[em1e pBq aqs esnef.ns eq or .l NVaIAI no^ . Iooqls aper8.erroosrpJles eTorq1oog raq uer{^{rodlcef eqr tlq eqs .ns pue Surrlsrtes Jeq re8uol ou semqof raH 'sseltser or ue8agerrreC'looqcspauBtsuerplrql eqr ueq/N ta8 'atuoq tB serlrlrqlsuodser ruo$ pepeeueqs rag atrdser peplnordqof eurr rred y 'suelqord Suuear-pllq] allos ol aqt . ul sreded par ur perenof.v.. puBuotleut8eur ollrreJreq pesnaqg 'paLofua uerplrr{raq] 'ssoqu^\o req Sureqpe{ll eqs .uBuroJ snorras pBr{erJJBc'{eJII ur turod srqr tv B req 'Puno.l. ol plnoc 'suolrdecrad1las entte8au ruog peerC' errrBc roj elull LddeqB sB/r\ slqJ Llpe.^ZyatoN hi.ueu ot jo 'Suuago lsJrj Jeq uJnteJ etll 'reded rr Jo tsJrJ .B Sursootlc Jo Jeqloru eql uoql Pue ell/r\E sBsJBed leranestxau agl pe.lualet Surlum ot Jar{ req pera^of.looqcs etenper8 uolteredard 'Tq ro.

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& M.A.J. mentaldisorders Diagnostic statisticalmanualof and Psychiatric Association.686. Academy Child andAdolescent of of where have come 50yearsl we in lournal theAmerican 26.& Segal. \Uashington. andGoldstein. King.tkin.rr.). The of onset.. 1008-1012.DevelopmentalVariation Leaming Educators Massachusetts: Cambridge. A. abnormalpsychological G. A. YourHyperactive NewYork:Doubleday. of 323 NewEngland Joumal Medicine.E.F.).1031-1039. 2 Goldstein. Washington. 5 American (4th (1987).Semple. and Childhood Societv. Cerebral Cohen.). Adult to Disorders: Infancy Early From of Behavior OriginandEvolution Life. Norton& Co.676.r. Guide Coping to Child:A Parents B.H.& Thomas.Diagnostic statistical manual mcntal of disorders and Psychiatric Association. NewYork: Random Shock. Joumalof 11Ch. Lykken.Nordahl.11. 16Co*ingr. Press. D. Managing S. (1990). \UhvYourChild isHyperactive.(1990).irr. Duarte.(1950). 6 Zu*. (198?). K. i.T.1168.h.J.J. NewYork:John in AttentionDisorders Children. Wilcox. Children GrownUp.T. Bouchard.. (19?5).Hvperactive Press. York:Random YourChild's 15Toffl.Rich.E. York:Random 14 Sri. Svndrome Human and Tourette 17Erikron. New Behavior Chemistrv. 8 Leuine. (1984).Personality S. NewYork:\il. Psychology. YourHyperactive Child. (30).54 and Personality Social apart together.. House.. Disorders and M. Lancet. Some 1082. (1986).1077in conditions children. 13F.n. T. G. Author. S' !il.ingold. (198i). (1988). and similarity twins in reared 6).Gross. 3 American (2nd (1968).. DC: 4 American (3rd (1980)..L. (19?0).NewYork:Brunner/Mazel. J.Reterences i Stills. T. DC: ed.. Psychiary..\7. House.136l-1366.DC: ed. Author.(1990).E. (1902). M. 10T.Rumsey. Hamburger. California:Hope Behavior.K.. 12Ingerroll..& Rapoport.tkin. S. & Hechtman. E. N.Diagnostic statistical manual mental of disorders and Psychiatric Association. (1975).A.D.g.Future House.J.1163.. Inc. WileyandSons. glucose with hyperactivity childhood in meabolism adults R. Washington.. ed. Publishing Service 9 Ingersoll. with AttentionDeficit Disorder.M. New B. NewYork:TheGuilford L. A. (i988). 4r4 . L. B. 7 Zm.Neurobiology attention with hyperactivity: disorder of deficit J. 18W. Author.

T. G. Head First.ib. (1981).16. G. of NewYork:Dutton.D. 58.u.(1990). L. V. G. 30 S.r. 22Gol. 36U/. 49 Cousins. Children GrownUp. B. B.J. D. Allergies theHyperactive and child. 25Longr. Pennsylvania: Herald Press. YourHyperactive B. B. L.A. L. PharmacologicalBasis of Nursing Practice.D' (1992. andTalpers.. J. 43 Ing. York:WamerBooks. and Califomia:Westem Psychological Services.Hill. S. 38W. Computer.r. S. & Erdman. Peter Svndrome. Hyperactive Children GrownUp.r.r. (1990).h.V.Louis:C.JanuaryiFebruary).J.di. Today. 44 !f.D. andTalpers.& Reimherr. (Znded.hoholi.Greist. Managing Attention Disorders Children: Guide Practitioners. Newsweek. in A for NewYork:Wiley.NewYork:McGraw.rsoll.l.66. (198?). 106. (1980). M. 21Leuine.Karb. (1986). 52. Maryland: AdlerandAdler.. 23Kil.NewYork:McGraw. York: The Pan New Avon. fordepression. e. G.D. Getting Organized. !7orldServices:New York. Company. (1983). Child. 34Cousins. S. and Ann Arbor.P.. Hyperactive Children GrownUp 39Goldrt. October 12. 42Clrrk.). AmericanJoumalPsvchiatrv. N. St..58.irr.. Scottdale. Unlockin&Potential.. J. \iil.irr. Jul1. M. 31 S*ith. & 415 .r.14).102. 13). LivingMorewith Less.Newage meets hippocrates. F. Leaming The Disabled Child at Homeandat School. P.irr. pp. 33 S.k. at 29s.).1020. 8 46Ayr. D.H.M. & Hechtman. D.T.Michigan: Edward Brothers. Hvperactive L.88. First.deficit of hyperactivity disorder in adults.(2). The Biology Hope.Hill. & Hechtman. L. G. 41Comings. Hyperactive Children GrownUp.h. (1991. 20W.A. 27Winrro. (1989). (1991).nd. September Mv childcouldn't attention.. G.i. & Hechtman.NewYork. 35 Gli. Computing.Mind game the90's. 3). 26Drrdig.sAnony*our. Tourette Syndrome Human and Behavior. Head N. Easy No Answers.T.(1990. Queener.ll-- RerpRrNces 19W.H. (1990.62.. 47Liul. Mosby Company.irr. p. 37W. Unlocking Potential. & Goldstein. Experiencing etemity..98. 24Al.(1981). of 147 45 S9l*i. p. S.E.C. Newyork: Bantam Books.r. a book J. Sensory Integration theChild. New 28Lrpp. (8).LosAngeles. (198?) Unlocking Potential. & Burke.T. pay p.L. P. Sign Here. 40 M.ib. Bupropion treatmenr attnention. 51Rroo.D. Don'tForget: Exercises a Better Easy for Memory Any Age. June). (45th Physicians Reference. The Biology Hope. A.irr.P.L. Desk Author.1018. Heward.T. contracting forchildren theirparents.M. B. & Hechtman.. that \Tounds never heal:howtrauma your changes brain. P.h. Longevity. and Disorders.W. (1990).L. 48\ilillirrnr. Sonell. & Hechtman. DevelopmentalVariation Leaming M.rlEconomics (1991). Klein. of 50Addu. andTalpers.Psychology pp. H.(19?9).administered therapy J. for USA !ileekend. (1984)The Misunderstood Child.H. S. womens Day.ib. 32 Silu. J. NewYork:Simon schuster. (1978). (1992. Hyperactive Children GrownUp. 102.rnrn.

1ob MoreCollege. Conference. Conative \ilho YouAre andHowYou The Connection: the Uncovering Link Between \fesley. Visualof skills thenineties.). York:Addison New 55Noel/Levitz (1989. (Znded. for New P. 53 D. YourChild's B. (1990). Megatrends TenNewDirections the 1990's. 56Nrirbitt. & Aburdene. presentation Thomas for at October). Megatrends TenNewDirections the 1990's. York:Wamer New J. P. 2000: J. 2000: 4t6 . Perform. for P. Behavior Chemistry. (1984).F..K. (1985)..r. and 54 Kolb. Books. Megatrends. 58Nrirbitt. & Aburdene. 57 Nrirbitt. (1990).j. & Innovation Entrepeneurship: and Practice Principles. : NewYork:Harper Row. York Monow.k.ingold.RereRpNcEs 52F.

CanadianJournalof Psychiatry. Bridgewarer. Diamond. New Jersey: Fournies& F. M.V.M. (1991). Bricklin. L"pp. Stg."The ritalin controversy: what'smadethis drug's opponents hyperactivel" Joumal of the American Medical Associat ton. D.C.J.. for Children Associates. M.440. Gauthier. and Califomia: Hope Press. Secrets Executive of Success. ManagingAttentionDisorders in Children.\7.B. and Heward.E. New York: Dell. D. M.-I AppsNorx A Susgested Reading List Bain.257. ( 1990). Cowart.(I99I). D. 259.7 . ( 1988).S. ( 1987).7523. (1981). S. Comings.(1988). Dardig. Don't Forget:Easy Exercises a BetterMemoryat for 41. ( 1990).I. Yow Hyperactiqre Chill. 435.New York: Doubleday. 439 (79). Emmaus. (1984). Ingersoll.: A Parent's Guide to Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder. A Parents Guide to AttentionDeficit Disorders.. Goldstein. and Goldstein. L. and the RodaleCenter for ExecutiveDevelopment. Golin.n Here: AConwacangBook anl"Their Paren*.New York: John Wiley and Sons.L. Pennsylvania: RodalePress. Towette Syndrome Human Behnuior. "Stimulant medicationsin adultswith attention deficit disorder".

MakingC ontnct. Scheiber.PA 15146.( PeopLe-A Stepby StepGuide.Transacnon disorder: 7566 Health CareSystems. on effects sympL. Hyperactiqte New York: Oxford University Press Up.D. (1974). New York:Bantum.L. Educators Massachusetts: Cambridge. Grown Children G.C.ed for Maryland:Adler and Adler.T.and Freytag.Berkeley.Inc. (1985)."Methylphenidate 41. andTheir Sufferers 418 . Zalenski. (1984). D.Inc. DorsetPress.o RsaDINc Ltsr Att) Agr. California:CelestialArts. Psychiatric New York: William Don't (Jnderstand. Haymakeq Book New York: LorayneH. and CoILege Potential: B. Thnnen. Attention-DeficitHyperactiuityDisorder A Clinica| Washington. Dallas. : Silver.2). 'Weiss. der V elopmental ariationand LearningDisor s. ( 1990). Keeping PublishingService. 'Weiss. Press.Succesrr. (1991) . L. and Boswell.YouJust Morrow and Company.A. Guideto Diagnosis Inc. AnentionDeficirDisorder Adu\ts:PracticalHelp for Taylor Publishing. in L. ( 1987) . ( 1986). ( 1990). Achivesof GeneralPsychiatry. and Lucas. Unlocking J.D. in Levine.. (1992). and Hechtman. M.105-106. Tlansact Monograph . B. Cambridge. (I97 6) . Monroeville. Satir. D eqt PublishingService. Turecki.V.TheMemory J. M.(1992).B.TheDfficultChild".Attention deficit of a Towardestablishing standard carefor adults.DC: American andTreatment. Educators Massachusetts: Liden.R.S. J. Levine. 198i ) . J. Senes(No.L. Other Choices LearningDisabl. AheaA School. and Thlpers.Texas: Spouses. tomsof ADD in adults". Marres. New York: McGraw-Hill.

1366.323 (20)."Adults and adolescents with ADD: clinical and behavioralresponses to psychostimulants". ( 1987).P. Woods.S. \Uender.& Reimherr. 419 . 62. 1018147 1020.M. (1987.A. E New York TimesMagazine. \Uinston.H.J. et al. (8). I33- t36.October 11).H. Adolescent. York:WarnerBooks. 7. "Bupropiontreatmentof attention-deficithyperactivitydisorderin adults".American Journal of Psychiatry."Cerebral glucose metabolism adults in with hyperactivityof childhood onset". pp. P.J.F.The New EnglandJournalof Medicine. 16. (1990). 82. 66. The Hyperactiue Chill".(1990).SuccgsrEn Rp."Out of a darkness". (1982).A. 70. Aduh: and AttentionDeficit DisorderThroughtheLifespan.M."The diagnosis treatmentof attentiondeficit and disorder. 1361. Hopwood. Journalof Clinical Psychophamacology. L.83.qDrNG Lrsr \fender.H.\7. Psychiatric Annals.. (1986). (1978) GettingOrganiTed. 73-28..New York: Oxford University Press. New Wolkenberg. and Greenberg. residualtype".D. Yellin. Zametkin. .

OH 43613 .GA 30068 1-800-537-3784(voicemail) The center is a non-profit clearinghouse information on Attention for Deficit Disorderwith a specialfocuson ADD in adults. The ADDVISOR..Ms. you are interestedin parIf ticipating in her research.Ph. There are alsoperiodic conferences. write to Mary Janeand request questiona naire. Marietta. Directot 1344JohnsonFerryRoad.Thenetwork publishesa quarterly newsletter(ADDult News). but M"ry Jane Johnsonhas done a superbjob of developinga nationwide network for ADD adults. Melear. that offersa wealth of practical information on coping with ADD as an adult. workshops.D. Books and cassette tapeson the topic of adult ADD are availablethrough the Center's resource services. 420 .Toledo. has a pen pal programand compilesinformational packetsfor ADD adults. She has also informed us that she is organizinga national ADD adult conferencescheduledsometime in 1993. Suite 14. Attention Deficit Resource Center LawrenceL. Johnsonis alsocollecting data on adult ADDers through a questionnaireshehas designed.AppeNorx B - Resource List ADDult Support Network M"ry JaneJohnson 2620lvy Place. This organizationis really a one-womanoperation.and home-studyprogramsfor ADD adults.Write for free information.It publishesa bimonthly newsletter.The conferencewill most likely be held in the Midwest and will probablybe just the first of many to follow.

which wasthe first national newsletteron Attention Deficit Disorder. has mately 800 state and local affiliateswhoseactivitiesinclude education.FL 33317 (305) -3700 s87 Both theseorganizations serveasnational clearinghouses inforfor mation.33. 6th Floor. PO. organization primaryfocusis its bimonthly foundedin 1986. Freeinformationalpacketsand numerouspublications. 42r . legislationand research. prices. Challenge.\7.CHADD has numeroussatellitesupportgroupsthroughout the country. Box 972. is a national. Newbury MA 01985(508) 462-0495.\il7ashington.nonprofit.Mentor. Inc.$25ly ear Professionals Membership-$4llyear (for professionals the field in who wish to be listed on Challenge's Professional ReferralList) DisabledUSA President's Committeeon Employment the Handicapped1111 of 20th Street N\7. and which features articleson children as well asadults.parent-based Challenge.OH 44061 1-800-48i-2282 Children with Attention Deftcit Disorders (CHADD) 499 Northwest 70th Avenue. Learning Disabilities Association (LDA) (formerly the Association for Children and Adults with Learning Disabilities) PA 4156LibraryRoad.2377. supportand advocacyfor ADD individuals. 20036 DC This publication includesreportsabout the continuing progress disfor abledindividualsand new opportunitiesfor rehabilitationemployment. adults with learningdisabilitiesand professionals approxi. The Nen^usbnefs newsletteris published six times a year and includesinformation about new developments in the field.Challenge. Inc. Inc. offersmembers many other benefits.1515 This international organizationof parentsof learning disabledchildren.The organization's newsletter. (800) 7.Suite 308 Plantation.Challenge. 15734(417) 341.Rrsounce Lrsr Attention-Deficit Disorders Association (ADDA) PO.Pittsburgh. such asprescription medicationat wholesale Individual Membership. Box 488.

Suite 935 Silver Spring.are also availablefrom including a list of post-secondary the LDA.\Tashington. 34-NARIC For a nominal fee.MD. Orton Dyslexia Society 8600 LaSalleRoad.DI23 Numerousstateand local chapten of the intemational Orton Societyprovide educationand promoteresearch dyslexia. AR 85257 Formedin 1980. 709L0-33L9 (301) (800) s88-e284. variety of materials. The Orton Societyalsoholdsnational and sate centers. National Netrvork of I-earning Disabled Adults (NNLDA) 808 \Uest82nd Street.National activitiesinclude a newsletter and annual workshop.synagogues.For additional information. adult education programsand mental health providers.DC 20707 This newsletter conmins ongoing reports about federal activities related to individuals with disabiliries.Rpsounce Lrsr programs.ChesterBldg. STEP Systematic Tiaining For Effective Parenting STEP AGS Publishers' Building.MD 2L704 (800) ABC.the NNLDA providesa supporrnetwork for leaming disabledadults.. National Rehabilitation lnformation Center (NARIC) 8455 ColesvilleRoad.churches.. F--2. Circle Pines. OSERS News in Print Office of SpecialEducation and Rehabilitative Services330 C Street.self-helpgroups.MN 55014 STEP groupsare offeredby variouscommunity organizations.a in A newsletterand information aboutpost secondary educationoptioru are available. local schools. contact the national STEP coordinator. 4ZZ . SW fOtS SwitzerBldg. It also advocatesfor accommodationsfor the learning disabledadult in institutions and the work place. Scottsdale.this organization search database information its for can regardingthe rehabilitationor employmentof individualswith disabilities.and national organizations.Suite 382 Baltimore.

NJ 08540 (800) ZZt-4492or (609) 457-0606in New Jersey 423 . (614) 486-3655 Ohio in The center offersa variety of materialson technical education. and on other specialneeds' planning and employment preparation. may be lessexpensive. disadvantaged. DC 20036 A free directory is availablethat includesa list of 630 accreditedprivate business in schoolsand colleges the United States. National Association of Vocational Education Special Needs Per. OH 43710(800) 848-4815. DC 20007 This association distributesa handbookwith lists of accreditedtrade and technical schoolsthroughout the United States.Arlington.D.Suite 102.VA 72201(703)572-6IZL in This national organizationof professionals vocational education.Princeton.Columbus. Ltsr Vocational and PostsecondarvSchool Organizations Association of Independent Collegesand Schools One Dupont Circle. focuses the educationalneedsof handicapped.souncr. N\7. this is an excellent Although other sources compilation of availablematerials.Warehouse 300 Northwest 70th Avenue.ade and Technical Schools 7Z5Z'S7isconsin Avenue.FLA 33317 (800) 233-e273 This catalogoffersa variety of books and tapesavailablefor purchase. \Tashington. National Association for Ti.Rr. sonnel (NAVESNP) Z0Z014th Street.D. Learning Materials A. Inc. (RFB) 20 Roszel Road. National Center for Research in Vocational Education 1960Kenny Road.Plantation. NW \Tashington. Recording for the Blind.

physicalh and perceptually Talking Books Handicapped National Library Servicefor the Blind and Physically (NLS) 1791Taylor Street. 424 . Approximately 60.All requests must be accompanied Gpes can be bonowed for one by an applicationform and detaileddiagnosticinformation regarding Eligibleindividualsinclude the individual'sneed for theserecordings. handicapped.REsouncnLrsr recordings availableby mail. tion is availablethrough local and regionallibraries.N\7 \Tashington. We highly The ADDVISOR Seethe Attention Deftcit Resource Center in the sectionon organizations. literature.magazines. eachwith its own particularspeTheseare excellentnewsletters.editor c/o CPS. thesetape recorderspermit changingplaybackspeed without lossof voice quality. thosewho are visually. OH 43613 Toledo. for Variable Speed Thp" Recorders Available at Radio Shack. Mary JaneJohnson.classical The collecof chargeto individualswith specificreadingdisabilities.Annandale. while rhe ADDuh the cialry. 76Z0IvyPlace. are availablefree Popularnovels.000free-of-charge are year.VA 22003 editor ADDult NEWS. largelyon the personal NE\fS focuses recommend both thesequarterlynewsletters. ADDendumhtghlights latestresearch of experiences ADD adults. The Library of Congress (202) 882-5500 DC 70542 etc. Pleasenote that the tapcsavailnblefrom eachof thesesources must be playedon specialtape players that are available loan. PaulJaffe.for information on this newsletterthat includesvaluable information for ADD adults. 5041-ABacklick Road.other electronics'retail storesand mail order catalogs. Newsletters for ADD Adults ADDendum.

LearningDisabilities. Correct Grammar@ \Triting Tools'Group Macintosh Organization Softrvare First Things First@ Visionary Software 42s . also Look for files labeledAttention Deficits. Electronic Bulletin Boards (Accessed Modemsand Personal via Computers) A variety of on-line supportgroupsare availablethrough several computerservices.ProdigyO and CompuServe@ have ADD bulletin boards. DC 20017 (202) 635-5822 This cenrerdistributes a detailedlist of commercialproductsfor useby individualswith a variety of handicaps. the Macintosh Editing Software and Letter Tbmplates ktterworks @ Round Lake Publishing American Handbook of BusinessLetters@ Nova DevelopmentCorporation Quickletter@ \Torking Software.Inc. example. NE \Tashington.REsouRcr Lrsr Computer Resourcesand Software ABLEDATA National Rehabilitation Information Center The Catholic Universityof America. For ties Forum that includesa folder relatedto ADD in adults. You can nerwork with other ADDers across counrry through thesefiles. etc.America On-Line@ has a Disabili. 4407Eighth Sreet.

the trust the intelligencewithin me" flash across top of your screenat periodicintervals. 426 . Mindset@ VisionarySoftware personal This is a wonderful positive self-talk product that displays here and now" and "l such as. IBM Letter Tbmplates K"y Cortespondence@ SoftKey IBM Organization Software About Time@ Inc.RpsouRcr. Jensen-James."l acceptmyself Phrases affirmations. This is for impulsive ADDers who fail to back up their work or use surgeprotectors! This softwaremaintains a copy of every keystroke and enablesyou to recreatethe document you lost when you forgot to saveyour work or when the power went out. Ltsr MiscellaneousMacintosh Software Last Resort@ rWorking SoftwareInc. SoftSystems Messages@ SoftwareGrove Commence@ Inc.

IZ8-29. 35-39 hyperactivityand. 44 alcohol. 4l medicationand.53. confusionin. 10 Anafranil (Clomipramine). 365.. 316.30-33 aggression. 356-57. 38. 378 regulationof. additives. alcoholism. 65-66 active working memory.47-45 in elementaryschool children. Il'. fourth step of as memory 74-75. in toddlers.72-73 ADD.71 action: cognitive tempo and. acquisition. 74 345 adolescence.I75. 1. 350. 133. seeAttention Deficit Disorder ADD Council of Greater 367 Cincinnati. L. 367 acceptance: of diagnosis. in adults. 345 thinking. 82-83 adoption studies. IZ8-79. L9-20 alertness. 41. 780-82 . 39 identity vs. 477 .22 adrenalin(epinephrine).as first step of memory. 62-64 reactiontime and. alteredcognitivetempo.lndex AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). 308 American Psychiatric Association(APA). 64-65 inaction balanceand. 138. 795 analogical Freudian.I7l-23 lI3-14 of imperfections. 75 will and. 39-47. 64*65 American Medical Association (AMA). 379 35. 9. 43 alcoholics. 138. 39-42 "l don't care" attitude in. 30-45 in adolescents. 308 risky behaviorin. allergies. 351. 39 33-35 in preschoolers.318 AlcoholicsAnonymous(AA). analysis. 66-67. 7. access. 360 357 Analytic Psychotherapy.18 age and ADD. 367 Alducci. of decrease hyperactivityin. lL.

10. 79-45 initial discoveryol 106 labelsgiven to. 294-95 asthma.269. 130-31 safetynets and. 288-89 APA (American Psychiatric Association). 46-79 fantasyof future and. 46-79 of.328. 246 advantage lack of. balance.302 associations. l3Z. 9. research 8-9 . (ADD): alcoholismcomparedwith. visualization combinedwith.339-40 tricyclic. 34-35 auditory leaming. 4IL-I3 impact of growing up with. 368-69 Associationfor Children with Learning Disabilities.6 of. 11-13 neurologicalcontrol center for. 286 auditory memory 283. definition of. questions evaluatingissues for of. 8-11 . 206 substance abuseand. 346-47 anxiety. 330.INoEx - anger. 138-39 simplicity/complex ity equarionand. LZ4-25 maintenanceof.5 prevalence 25-26 of. A. 9 audiologists. 73. memory and. 369.17-18 Ayres.124-46.8. 62 seealsomemory Attention Deficit Disorder as running in families. 106-23 problematicaspects I?. 8-9 learningdisabilitiesand. Jean 369-70 .310-1 1 270-7 r Assertiveness Training. 336-38 seealsoProzac antipsychotics. 316-17 symptoms 10-15.35 attention.L65 appointmentcalendars.258 antidepressants. 336_44 Bupropion (\Tellbutrin) . 734-35 answering machines. 327-78 one channel operational systemand. 140-42 428 . with and without hyperactivity. r66 axons. 8 diagnosis and treatmentof. 54. rg-25. 30r-z as maliciousbehavior. differencescausedby. 384-85 of manifestations problems of with. 10 apologizing. 28 9Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder(ADHD). I34 personalscheduleand. r3z-33 133 benefits 38I-404 of. on. auto-defense and attack mode.9. 16-17. 116. 3. 48-49 selective. Z9Z . 74-?. 145-46 "one rat study" and. 344 MAO inhibitors. 37I importanceof.

350. 169.349 appointment. early damageto. Cathy.344 Caramazepine carbon paper. 377 natural techniques children. I7Z. 9. 379 allergies hyperactivityand.. 339. blood pressure. 757-58 careers. 376 cancerwellness do can't/shouldn't list. ztt 337 bone marrow suppression. 5-7 developed Ritalin'seffecton.150 (Buspar). 346 L50-52. deep. 331-32. 307-8 SensoryIntegration and. 7. bartering. IZ3 377-79 biofeedback. filtering mechanism 51 frontal lobesof. 345 blood tests. 34L. 73 negativeself-perception by. 177 society's 429 . 270-71 Canada. 37I of. 369 .17 (CNS). l8Z bedwetting.4. 340. 9. 126. two primary components 377 seealsoinformation processing. cerebral childbirth: complicationstn.336 BehavioralTherapy. body language. breathing.29 370-71. and ages developmental theoryof. 127-28.108.I44.143 bulimia. L43-45 betweenstructureand freedom 125-26 . 337.7IZ-13 brain. blame: 85-86 mechanism.347 Buspirone caffeine. 344-45 CAT scans.345 programs.6 . as defense cycle of. 170. 18*19 imagingand.69. bargaining. 137-38 (Tegretol). 351.17. 16 of.2L-73. 27-28 lead poisoning and. 345 and. of. 165.103 bulletin boards.INp* slicing and dicing techniques for. 341 bulldozers. 98. 23 for.108 brainstem 377. centralnervoussystem 328. 353-55. 371 undervaluingof. 43. brain scans.264 Bupropion (Wellbutrin) .7. l4l boundaryneeds.George. 11.18 327 hemisphere. 73 messenger systemof' 17. 155. 168. see disapproval. boredom. 371 ADD as disorder 8. value of examining issues involving. 143 118 after diagnosis. 344 Bush. 46-47 rZ5. 288 budgets. 359 Better. calendars. neurotransmitters 373-74 Brain Massage. work see Catepres(Clonidine).

148-49 importanceof skills in. 388 CNS. 75 coping strategies. 737 chunking. 344-45 closure. scienceof. 289-90 chores. seecentral nervoussystem codependency. 332-33 tricyclic antidepressants and. 150-52 written. 352-53. 157. 375 cravings.54-55 creativity.Jill C.330. 182 control.200 430 . 302-3 Clinical Depression.308 (Thorazine). 345 Clonidine (Catepres).x children (cont. 54 Clomipramine (Anafran iI). 238 dating. 357 Comic personalitysketch. zz-23 336 Tourette Syndromeand. defense see mechanisms Corgard (Nadolol).407 art vs. 7I-7?.-54 socialhazards 152-56 in.43 Cylert (pemoline). chlorpromazine 346 choice. family. 191 continuing educationclasses. L49-52 computers and. 77-73 usefulness 758-59 of. I82 seealsorelationships. speech Community Times. technologyand. 85 coding. 148. memory and. family relatibnships "chip on the shoulder"attitude. 44. 194-Z0I descriptions relationships of in. seealsodevelopmentalages. as defense mechanism. 199-Z0I 296_97 Cognitive Psychotherapy. 164 verbal vs. 190. 179-80 telephones and. 154-56 unspokenrules in. manners and. 347 counterculturetherapy. consultants.. nonverbal. 359 cognitivetempo. r40-47 computers. 44-45. 309.\ spacingol 208-9 temperamentalstylesof.Norman. . 148-49 leaming stylesand. 181-82 random access memory of. 385-86 credit cards. 90-91 chiropractors. 123 complexity/simplicity equation.. 399-401 communication.406-7 Cognitive Psychotherapy and. 796 Cincinnati. 95-97 convergentretrieval. 194-99 survival tips for.INor. University of. memoryand. 309 Cousins. 64-65 collectiveunconscious. 335-36 Dardig. 157. 353 communicationand.

. 93-94. r44-45 43r . 81'-82 perfectionism. defense 1 3 03 5 1 . 339 Diet Therapy 379 . 60 disinhibition. thinking. 90-91 control. 334-35 106-10 diagnosis. 764 details: aversionto. denial: mechanism. 345.116-17 I41. 126 quiet zones. 87-97 and. 116-17 examplesof. 110 reactionsto. 53-54 and.30-33 dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine). 8-1 1 medicaltestsin. 9-10 diet: and food additivesand sugar' 90 withdrawal. Cognitive Psychotherapy 74 tyramine and. 107 self-education seealsotreatment Diagnosticand Statistical Manual (DSM).3. 104-5 as medicaldilemma. mechanisms.33-35 toddler years. 288 80-105. 108-10 personalunderstandingof. d. 17'6 ages'30-45 developmental 39-42 adolescence. 357 Freudiananalysis function of. 90 17-18 dendrites. 18-21 euphoriavs.330. 50 globalthinking vs. manipulation. 118 after. LI4-15 and.93-94 as defense in grief process. of. 118-21 depression importance of. 30 preschoolyears.2I4 designated (Norpramin).63 53 dissatisfaction. divergentretrieval. desktop frles.88-90 overuseof. ADD comparedwith. 86-88. 54-56.INogx - deep breathing. acceptance LZL-7'3 bargainingafter.75 352 1 after diagnosis.83-85 risky behavior. 336. desires. LZ6.. seeblame charactersketch descriptions of. 97-93 "who cares"attitude. directionality. 80-81 94-95 learnedhelplessness.. 97 -I03 "chip on the shoulder" attitude. 3. adulthoo 42-45 elementaryschool years. desipramine 337 needsand. blame. 95-97 denial. 35-39 infancy. 795 differential 165 digressions. 347 depression.82-83 "take me or leave me" arritude.

24 DynamicTherapy. 169-70 faith healing.230-41 bargainingand negotiation in. 734 expectations of perfection ZL4_T5 emotional incontinence.seework endorphins. 388 education.Eric. inferiority in. industryvs. 57 and. 283 Don't Forget dopamine. 62-63 failure: substance abuse and. 34-35 eating: patternsof .food. 7. 393-94 environmentaltoxins.seemedication.Get out the Door" lists. 279.3T4 Drucker. 393 drugs. 126 vs. 57 Edison. 320. 23 epinephrine(adrenalin). L)l-Z emotionalliving space. 340 DSM (Diagnosticand Statistical Manual).358 ear infections. 233.18 ergonomtcs. 189-90 learningdisorders and. 136-37 Doc in a Box.extremeswingsof.PeterF.18.318 dry mouth. 733-34. 302 5\ EEG Biofeedback.39-4I designof.73-74 facilitation. 236 establishing rulesfor.308-9 family chores.7.I82.depression . 337. 307-3 Montessori. 33 physiological slowdownafter. determination of. -79 377 elementaryschool years.r- INopx do adequately list. 233-4L diffusingof anger in. TLZ emotions.9-10 dyes. 237-38 contractsand.3Tl educational remediation.356. employment. 238-4r generalprinciplesand rulesof conduct{or. 30 euphoria.ThomasAlva. 239-39 equal opportunity participationin. 316 talking yourselfinto. 399 (L"pp).substance abuse dry drunks. 360 Educationfor All Handicapped Children Act ( 197 .Z4l-43 familychores and. 133-36 down time.. 213-14 Dreamachine.18 Entrepreneur personalitysketch. 35-39 emergencies. 234-35 effectivebrainstormingand problem-solving in. empathy 33. 327 do well list. 357-58 . "Everyday. ?. T56 Erikson. 237.38-41 family meetings. 237.237 432 . 301. 235-36.

3I. 716-17 equationsof. 362-63 fax machines. 235 family relationships. 356-57360 . of. 333-34 genericletters. 170 forgiveness.209 food. family. 379 filing systems. Henry. rz7 z0L-43 . 26I-62 finances. 346 handwriting.78 of "found" ttme.2L2. yourself. 94 govemment. 345 . 34-35 help. 433 . food dyesand additives. seefamily meetings grief process. 209 mealtimes and.44 Future Shock(Tof{ler).11 levelsand. tZ5. tyramine in. 205 eveningsout and. playing. 368-69 Family.5 principlesof governmentand. 74 genericdrugs. 44. 377-79 Feingold. ADD in.Benjamin. 779-30. ll4-I7 group (paired) association.structurevs. 126 Gone with the Wind. 182 Gestalt Therapy 309. 295 360-71 Group Psychotherapy. 708-9. 339 Food and Drug Administration (FDA) 3t6. 230-3r professional counselingand. friendships. 365-68 . 249. 350. 210. I43.INor.218-20 years. detailsvs. 220-?. L25-26 Freudianpsychoanalysis. Assertiveness Training. 345 .74 FeingoldDiet.. in elementary school 38 emotional temperature and.140.362-63 Psychoeducation. zrz-17 Family Therapy. 225-78 financesand. 717. 209-t7.24 Ford. 351. 23r-32 sharedauthority in. relationships see frontal lobes. 359 . askingfor. 80-82. 363 haloperidol(Haldol).. I99 Head Firsc. L44 229-43 privacyand. 363-65 Self-help 354.18-19 functional dysfunctionals. bio-. 94. Z3l. The Biolog1of Hope (Cousins\ 375 . ?. 64 hard to get. hearing loss. Z5Z global thinking. 776 freedom. ( G ettingOrganiTedWinston).x goalsand objectivesof. 206 descriptions 201-8. SensoryIntegration. 203. 369-7 I Social Skills Training. feedback 166-67 . 230 stress survival tips for.180 FDA (Food and Drug Administration) 3L6.

t 7 5 . 166. 264 input/outputproblems. ZB adolescence decrease and in.71 action/inactionbalanceand. 334 1 integrationlearningdisabilities. 15. 308 hypertension.-I3 triggering .. (working)memory. ADD and.L4 sedatives and. hyperactivity. 340 shopping and.. r3-t4. seeaction inattention. 67. 9-10. I43 speech and.. 30 inferiority.William L. 11. 62 intercom Zl5 s.387-88 of childhood accidentsand.176 high blood pressure.-64 medication and.x - heredity.200 definitionand description of.62-64. 308. 64-65 input/output problemsand. 56-58 as rangeof behaviors. 238 hidden agendas. 320-ZL.parentingvs. 340 IDP Dynamic. immediate 62_64 brain shut down and.24 information processing. 1. therapyand. 66-67 will and. 64-65 description 6l-62 of. 65-66 input/perceptual learning disabilities. 379 8. 3r-37 datingand. 61. 67*69 output learningdisabilities.INos. 28r immunesystem. . 69-7 | cognitive tempo and. 5-7. mental fatigueand. 333. 331-32. Z8l insurance. 52-53. L96-97 200 intention.71-77. 309. 386-87 in boysvs. 166. 393 in/out baskets. (Tofranil) 336 Imipramine . vs. 67-63 Innoqt ation and Entrepr eneurship ( Drucker) . 8. 376 impulsiveness. 53 of inaction. 60 inhibition. 27-ZB fluctuatinglevelsof. 3 cognitive tempo and. 44.39 as asset deficit. 300 instant recall. 56.345 hypotension. I47 434 . 77.275-76 infancy. girls. seeattention index cards.196. 20-7. 368 235. 375.3 2 7 benefits. 339. 44. zz Heward. 331-32. mistrustin. 370.sense . 53 I-messages.1. 89. 339. 126.I7Z. 43. 35-39 of information explosion. 11. 23. 300 reactiontime and. trust vs. selective. 6r-7 | learningdisabilities and.320-21. 399-401 97. interfacing. 3I?. 72. 194-95.325 Prozac and..187 300 intensity .345 humor.

325-77 of effectiveness . 377-79 genericvs. 313-49 medication. 118 bargaining levelsand. l4l. 73-74 340 low blood pressure. 345-46 325-26 drug trials and.. generic. dosage 784-87 auditory. 355-56. marriage.86-87 letter openers. 345 manic-depressive manipulation."138. 270*25 mealtimes. 377-73.Samuel. 328-29 authors'personalexperiences with. lead poisonin 23 learnedhelplessness. 53 (Marplan). and 752-53 imaging. 200 292-93 kinesthetic/tactilelearning. manners I5Z-54 . 339 Isocarboxazid job skills.Is intimacy. long term memory. 333-34 435 . 76. liver.44 Therapy 372-73 Massage .140 Longacre. 257 letters. 60 learningstyles. 723-25 110. 336 Living More With Less (Longacre). 406 Johnson. 167 Doris Janzen.340-41 Lamaze technique. 360 L"pp.339-40 Marplan (lsocarboxazid)339 . ?. 286. 785. tactile/kinesthet 786 visual. of. 300 educationand.299-303. learningdisabilities 278. 67. 302-3 incidence of. trade name forms of. 16 magneticresonance mail order catalogs. 320-?.283. definition and rypesof. 94-95 learning. 196 Inventor personalitysketch. 388 356.377 language and speechtherapy. 299-300 spatialdifficultiesand.260 disorders.83 g. fear of. descriptions ZZ0-73 survivaltips for. ((w e" ttme rtt and. as defense 88-90 mechanism. 279.140 locking in and blocking out.3 and. I87 Levine.Danielle .M. 388-90 irritability. 357 "Keep it simple. 787 kleptomania. 49-50 logic. 297-98 (LD) . 181-82.Z8l. tips {or. Lithium. magazines newspapers. MAO (monoamineoxidase) inhibitors. 286 ic. 246. 7. authors'disclaimerabout.278 JungianTherapy. 762 kinestheticmemory.

60-6I. . 287-97 transferand.Z7g-303 access 74-75. stimulants. 318-20. genericvs.s Megawends 2000 (Naisbitt and Aburdene). 150 of leamed helplessness and. 138. 409 Mellaril (thioridazine) 346 .339-40 Montessori education. 322 rote.). choice and. ) miscellaneous. Z9I-97.7. trade name forms of middle ear infections. 289-90 comprehensionand.-76. 7I-72 relaxation techniques and. 34-35 middle finger sign. 290-91 overall. 288 Ritalin and. 74. 76 246.185-86 your role in useof. 3r4-r5. 300 men: control and. 324 seealsoantidepressants. 288-89 associations . 294 memory leaming disabilities.. 77. 183. 291 context and. 344-49 reboundeffect and. paperpile management and. 95-97 language women vs. 71 anxietyand. 95. and.71. L07 two main categories 304 of. I47 motivation: job performance and. Z9Z . 96 mental fatigue. 130. 108 seealsopsychotherapy message centers. 294-95 and auditory 283. Z9l storage and. 284-87 mnemonic devicesand.83.215-L6 methylphenidate see Ritalin. z8z_84 kinesthetic.Universityof.295-97 monoamineoxidase(MAO) inhibitors. acquisition and. 293 observationand. 75 visual. 9. 79I function and process of.. 343 substance abuseand. 22 mnemonic devices. 280-82 techniquesfor. 3I3-I4 at workplace. 335 risk/benefitequationand. 69. 407-8. 280-8?. leaming and. 150 Minnesota. 315-17 taking of. 330*3 1.INngx -- medication (conr. specrf drugs c (Naisbitr. 295-97 multi-sensory. 67 -69 mental health professionals: referralsfor. 72. memory. typesof. 765-66 registration and. 407 Megatrend. 2i8-80 information input and. 283.371 moral inventory. 98 memory and. 283 436 .-74. 292-93 lapses 280 in.

memory and. 20-2I.naturevs. . 54-56.-53 Neu. and 325.INpex - motor coordination. ive 377 nature. Zrl 172. 250-54 generaloffice management. 347 Naisbitt. 22 needs.16 nurture.sqre 309 ek. 169. 84 noise. 33-34. 370 Oedipal stage. 262. functionof. 309 natural childbirth techniques. 340 movies.nurture vs. . 1. r39-43 "My Child Couldn't Pay Attention" (Alducci). 341 257. 290-9r obsessive-compuls disorders. 150-52. 16 754-56 paperpile management. 337.337 in. observation. Nardil (Phenelzine). 341 Norpramin (desipramine) 336. 18 drug response and. 215 organization. 3Zg. beginning tips for. 256-59 437 . L6-I7. 299 "on the run" conversations. 26I-67 filing systems and. 378 Nadolol (Corgard). 126. 182-83 Office for the Study of Unconventional Medical Practices. 37 5 4-7 mouth. 165.desires and. 337 nuclear magnetic resonance (NMR). 407 trips to. 108 neurology. 246-50 cardinalrulesfor.337. 350 neurotransmitters. New York Longitudinal Study. "No pain..350 office equipment." inabiliryto express. U.. " "no. 309 Office of Education.263-69 practical messmanagement tools. . 170. 725-78 multi-sensory memory.77.44-45 neurologists.S. 22 nicotine. 327. 293 musclerelaxation. 375 "must-do's"and "should-do's. 339 National Institutesof Health. dryness 320.169. John.. 339. 18.r55. 26I-62 generalmessmanagement. 409 ." 167 noradrenaline(norepinephrine). No gain.183-84 nonverbal communication. 259-61.288.369. 347-49 NMR (nuclearmagnetic resonance). 327-28 seealsospecific newrotTdnsmitters newspapers magazines. 20-ZL. 244-77 3. 345 OccupationalTherapists. 17-18 neuroses.

336 Penicillin. seealsofamily relationships Pamate (Tranylcypromine). 262 spatialdifficultiesand.63-69 bulletin boardsand.300 seealsoinput/output problems outsidehelp. Z0-ZI. heredity vs.330 planning notebooks. 103-4 for (Physicians PDR Desk Reference). 34-35 output leaming disabilities. definition of. 144 overall memory. 276 playing hard to get.264-65 pessimism.) organization questionnaireon. 300 perfectionism. 72 269_77 Orton DyslexiaSociety. 267. 339 Phenelzine phobia. hiring of. 764 filing systems for. 108. 330 peer pressure.. 29 family meetingsrole of . 283 overpersistence.40 blame theory and.97 -99 pets. (Parenthandling the Disorder). parents. ZI-23. 321 ). 279.262. 260. 764 cardinal rules for.100-101 passing normal. 335- 259-6r. 261-62 in/out basketsand. 76I-62 categorizationof.740 feelingsof inadequacy and.52. 776 schedulingand location of handling of . 370. 321 (Nardil). Parent handling the Disorder (Ph. 263-68 (PDR). 295 paperpile management. 766. 260. 267 simplicity and. 737. 265-66 desktop files and. 264 ongoing to do lists and. 266. 302 otitis media.INoEx - (cont. 327. 776 Post-ltNotes and.339 party animals. 266-67 cuesand promptsand. 154-55 physicians.D. 49-50. 53 Peter Pan Syndrome. 324 PhysiciansDesk Reference 264-65 planning notebooksand. 40 pemoline(Cylert). 59 paired (group) association.7. to do's of .3 Ph. 329 simplicity and. 343 perceptuauinput leaming disabilities. parenting. 330. 83-85 personalyellow pages.D. 33 individual strengthsand weaknesses 206-8 of. II0. 27. 260-61 color-codingand. 262 storageand access 763-64 of. L99 438 . 244-45 Ritalin and. 60-61 time management and. 267-68 personalyellow pages and.

35L. 358 rebound effecr. 69_70 powerlessness. 360 Gestalt. 359 Psychqdynamic Psychotherapy. lzl-7. 320. 356. Doris. 108. . 340-4I controversyover. 75 reading skills. LZ5 moral inventory and. 256_57 Post-lt Nores. 130 self-evaluarion and.360-7I 357 Jungian. llz depression and. 1. LZ9. 357 356. 341. 7 35 Transactional Analysis358-59 . 276_77 Professional Dilettanre personalitysketch. Zl}-Ll procrasrinarion. 130 pregnancy.initiative vs. -55 357 stigma attached 304-6 to. hitting rock bottom and. 350.INoex - Plumberpersonalitysketch. 33-35 primary sleepdisorder 20. 335 recovery: acceptanceand.309. I77 twelve-step programs and. lI4-15 Analytic. 363-65 psychologists.369 Prozac(fluoxetine hydrochloride) 324. 357 Behavioral.2T6 Post-Traumatic StressDisorder.357 Psychoeducation. 340_44 benefitsof. 34I side effectsof. 130 grief process ll4-I7 in. 51. 66-67. Prince Charming.complicationsin. 2gg. LL8-ZI goal of.Psychology. 402-4 progressive musclerelaxation. 342-43 dosage levels of.375 proprioceptivesense. 342-43 psychiatrists.359 group. Reality. 108 Psychodrama. 398-99 postage scales and stamps. 165 RealityTherapy.3 balanceand. IZ-13.379 reaction time. 350. 267. 109 psychotherapy. 359 Psychodynamic. 2I4 randomaccess (RAM). 353-55. quiet zones. 35I. 352-53. 358 Freudian.356-57. 23 preschoolyears. 358 Self. 1 Dynamic. 359 128-30 see also fteatment 439 . 133-38 "should-do's"and "mustdo's. 336 . memory 72-73 R"pp. guilt in. I98. Psychodrama. 330-3L. Sullivanian. 124-46 definition of. ZOI privacy. 359 Cognitive. 139-43 " social benefitsof.

164.lI3-14 of boosting . seizure attention and selective intention. 166-67 -67 in groups. 274 Scientistpersonalitysketch.177 Ritalin.4. 329-34. 147 43. L6Z-67.lz-17 t7 at workplace.257 retum address "revolutionarybad ejectot.273 reminder problems. sideeffects 370-21'. of.Barbara.58. in adulthood. 7. 209-12 feedback and. remedial lists. 74. relaxation restand -78 r77 unwritten. descriptions 157-62. 7l-72 rehearsal. 118.785 3-4 schizophrenia." 18 personalitysketch.64. 333-34 of." 142 risky behavior: in adolescence. rules: of.memory and. 7 4-7 5 stamps. self-esteem: of and acceptance imperfections. of memory. durationof effects 329-30 generic tradenameforms vs. 175-77. ascontrolled levels . religion. 381 of benefits . 194-Z0L of. 167 201-8. Salesperson -98 397 zr3*r4 19-20 postage. 307-8 315 substance. and. followingand questioning 7.329 of dosage of. 76-78 t67--73 orre-orr-orrer tipsfor. 71-72 memory and. 178-79 "runner'shigh. survival -87. relaxation 374 Relaxman.INopx - registration.337 343. 44 childhood accidentsand. 330-32 rotememorization. 374 disorders. 170-73. 199-201. 82-83 4I. 79I 77. L3Z-33 schedules. 375 techniques.88. . 3?. retrieval. 4-93 also communication. 257 scales.I45 l8Z writing classes. 67 190-91 self-employment. 5-7 . 58 benefitsof. see speech familyrelationships. 382 recovery 58 3l-3?. 329 childrenand.. 7. 1. 111 low. 35-39. Scheiber. 130. 395-97 308 sedatives. -ZI7 relationships.326. dating. mechanism. 93.94-99. 35 respiratory zones. 370-22. 4?.L57 impaired socialskillsand.82-83 as defense 440 . 327. -77. weekly. reticular activating system. "school" lists. ll7.

Sensory Integration 369-7 r SerenityPrayer. 365-68 354. 11 short term memory.INoex - self-evaluation. space cadets. 56. 101 4 sexualabuse. 316-17. 60 postage. 339. 133-36 self-help books. 257 S.244-45 self-help programs. r39_43 SI (Sensory Integration). 329-36 as preventative measure. 75 rhythm and. 60 space.327.84. 3-4.82. 76-78 in. 38. 257 standards." r02-3 seealsocommunication. relationships speechand language therapy. 73.44 sorting and filing. stamps. L66. socialactivities.741 Still. I42 . and Reflect). 42.275-76 STEP programs. 165 verbal incontinenceand.R. (Stop. 11 skin patches. r67 317-18 44r . 354 smoking 347 . 757 stamps. Smith. 355-56. -58 357 (SI). 43. 62-64. 34I sex. 373 shopping.7 "should-do's" and "must-do's. 133-38 can't/shouldn'tdo list. F. do well list. 319 stenopads. 369-7 r siestas. primary. 336 sleeping pattems 33.I4-I5 impulsivityand. 363 socioeconomic status.T. Lendon. r40-42 single-mindedness. Act. Social Skills Training. 337. t. G. 66-67. 238 simplicity/complexity equation. 34-35 digressions and. 165 hyperactive..318 Self-Psychology. 64 spatialdifficultiesand. lowering of. 187 reaction time and.retum address.345 sleepdisorder. The. 37.sense 60-61 of. 137-38 do adequately 136-37 list. 328. 145 staples.LZ9 serotonin. 24 -49. Think.5T Sign Here: A ContractingBook for Children and Their (Dardig and Parents Heward). 316.impulsivityand.143 socialskills. 150 timing of. 8 stimulants. self-medication. Short AttentionSpanThearcr.A. 20. 360 sports: action/inactionbalanceand. I87 . 44 impairment 37.99-100 speech: developmental lagsin. selectionof.

-23 . over. under-. 404-6 sugar. 34 Testy.INpr. 133 34 group communication in. your own case and being manager 3lI-17.35.287 369 tactile sense. 358-59 52 tactile defensiveness. 154. therapy. .184-85 television. 3lZ-13 impulsivity and speech.285 ia. 797-98 styles. language 286.x f-- stimulation. 33.315-17 success. assessment 230 disorderand. 72-74' storage. ADD recognitionand. 31. TA (TransactionalAnalYsis). Tardive dyskines 346-47 T-cells. 272 teachers 79. ZZ8 telephones. T .1 . 306-10. Harry Stack. 3 75 teacherplan books. 156 " "therapeuticwindow effect. L6r-62 referralsfrom.186 Training for Systematic EffectiveParenting(STEP) T4I programs. and Reflect ( s . learning.360 seealsomedication.24.139 of.8 7 .32.63. 5-6. Think. R . 55.vs. 773 survival tips for useof. theory of. 1.freedomvs. 276 communicationproblemson' r54-55 mannersand. 280-82 stress.of temperamental children 22. 1 2 6 . templates. 154-56. psychotherapy 92-93 442 . substance 8 7 . 355-56. ) . 175-26 Stuff Inventory. 106-7' Talpers. 44. 4 1 Stop. A .I8Z work. l9l-9/ temporary TerribleZ's. 40 .Jeanne.3 3 6 of medications. callbackschedulefor. tactile/kinesthetic 338 350-80 304-23. remediation. 37l-79 alternative.. 3 1 9 1 memoryand. I53 es mealtim and. "take me or leave me" attitude. 61 systems.250-5I abuse.357. 156 at workplace. 746-47 indicatorsof.183 structure.59 Tegretol (Caramazepine)344 . 379 Sullivan.134 work-related. 38-39 negativefeelingsinstilled bY. 43. educational 360 and. TelephoneTyrant Syndrome(TTTS). 1 0 1 . professional 10i symptommanagement. 357 supportgroups. Act.41. 34.

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in Her professional backgroundincludesexperience as a therapist. to for she founded the adult supportgroup of the Attention Deficit Disorder Council of GreaterCincinnati in February 1990. Responding the need to provide services ADD adults. Kelly is a master's clinical specialist psychiatricnursing. shebeganto focuson this emerging areaof mental health.'J Inzy . on Nursing.Although sheno of longerfacilitatesthis group. Kelly gathered from availableliteratureand the personal storiesof ADD adultsin Cincinnati and nationwide leadto her work in writin g I'm I.Ms.This article chronicledthe resultsof her work in developing a model for an inpatient groupthat helpedchronicallymentally ill patientslearn and shareeffectivecoping strategies. Stupid CraTyJ Currently she is ot or ? usingher personaland professional experiences knowledgeto give and presentations adult ADD for lay and professional on groups. Kelly'sprior publishing creditsinclude an article entitled Fostenng publishedin the Archives of Psychiatric SeIf-HeIp anlnpanentLJnit. Kelly'swork moved in a new direction.She becamea championfor individualswith severe mental illnesses.shecontinuesto consultwith the Council on adult ADD and supportgroup issues. The information Ms. Combining her personal and professional interests in adult ADD. Her graduate educationfocused chronic mental illnessand this on orientation eventuallyled her to an interestin the mental health selfhelp movement. Followingher diagnosis with ADHD in 1989. suchasschizophrenia. . as professor clinical coordinatorfor psychobiological assistant and research. She also works in private practiceleadingpsychoeducational therapygroups for ADD adults.About Authors the Kate Kelly prepared Ms. believingthat even thosewith severe impairmentscould leam to managetheir own illnesses. Ms.

as Ms.she foundedNIADD. Ramundo compietedpostand Montessori graduatework in leaming disabilities. Ramundohas served aspresidentof the boardsof the Clifton Child Study ParentGroup and 'West Montessori.As Executive Director. she spear-headed movement to createa new school.behavior disorders children most of with culturally disadvantaged education. Ramundobeganextensively After her son's as Drawing on her experience a dedicated researching disorder.shebecamean advocatefor the right of everychild to leam. she is helping collegestudentsand adolescents their leaming at the post. ManagingAu.ennon . in ADD diagnosis 1987. the teacherand parent.Currently.Peggy Ramundo as Recognized an outstandingteacher. Her other publishing credits include handbooksfor parentsand teachersentitled.\Torking her career. she co-foundedthe Attention Deficit Disorder Council of GreaterCincinnati and continuesto serveasa boardmember. Stupid CraTyJ? evolvedfrom Ms. beganto focuson ADD issues After Ms. Ramundo works professionally an educationalconsultant. The National Institute for Attention Deficit Disorder.\fhen the parent corporation closed Center Rooms a the \fest site. taught She designed summerenrichment readingprogramsand servedasa demonstration teacher. and implementeda non-gradedprimary curriculum. manage youngadultsaccess availableservices. she conductsworkshopsand throughout the country for parents. Ramundo's and adults. Tipt. Ms.Ms.Ms.In 1990. level. Toolsand and Teclmiques Mutaging AttennonDeficit Disorderand Understanding far Deficit Disorderin the Clnssroom. about courseselectionand careers. and the personaland professional experiences Ramundo'sresearch. Under her direction. adolescents and adultswith whom shehas worked. lecturesextensivelyon ADD. and make decisions secondary has or YouMeanl'm Not Laz).A committed and innovative parent. of experiences the countlessnumbersof ADD children. the new non-proflt Clifton MontessoriCenter wasformed to continue the tradition of providing tuition-free scholarshipsto many children from low-income families.educators in-servicetraining sessions and and mental health professionals. in she diagnosis.