FADE IN: TO A FULL MOON.

MUSIC UP: ON AN EVENING IN ROMA by Gwen Stefani

The song begins as we PULL BACK to reveal the most glorious fountain in all of Italy -- the FONTANA D’AMORE. Moonlight frames the statue of VENUS, the Goddess of Love, as she keeps a vigilant watch over the legendary pools beneath her feet. A QUARTER flips through the starry night and splashes into the water. We FOLLOW IT to the bottom of the fountain where we reveal that the opening CREDITS are minted onto the coin itself. BELOW THE SURFACE As more coins appear: euros, rupees, yen, pesos... visitors from all around the world all wishing for the same thing -Amore. The final coin (and credit) FILLS THE FRAME as we... MATCH DISSOLVE TO: A CIRCULAR SKYLIGHT. It’s the famous glass dome of New York’s Guggenheim Museum. A THUMPING BASS LINE reverberates down the spiral structure as we reveal a party in full swing. Dueling DJs spin records for the young crowd on the floor as we PUSH IN to reveal... BETH MARTIN Taking it all in. Pretty, young, and with not a hair out of place. She wears a crisp Ralph Lauren business suit that, not unlike her hair, is all so perfectly put together. Beth! STACY (O.S.) Hey!

Beth turns to see her assistant, STACY HARPER, snaking her way through the crowd. She carries six plastic cups of Chardonnay. BETH What are you, a camel? STACY (shrugs) I’m from Staten Island. And the line at the bar is insane. Here... Stacy hands her three cups of wine.

2.

BETH I should’ve hired another bar station. I knew it... STACY Would you stop already? The show’s a hit. You should be celebrating. BETH I know. But whenever I start to feel good about myself I picture Celeste giving me that look... STACY The Shit-a-Brick face? BETH That’s the one. STACY Forget her. This is your night. (raises her glass) To Beth Martin... the coolest curator to ever rock the Gugg. CELESTE (O.S.) ’Rock the Gugg?’ Stacy and Beth freeze before turning to see CELESTE GRIFFIN. 50’s, elegant, and with a perpetual look of sour disapproval on her pinched face. Beth practically shouts in surprise: Celeste! BETH

Beth realizes she’s triple-fisting it. Wine? Celeste just stares. BETH (CONT’D) I didn’t know you were coming... when did you get here? CELESTE About three bricks ago. Ouch. Stacy smiles wanly. STACY I’d better go... uh... check... BETH

3.

CELESTE Just go, Stacy. Stacy takes off like a rocket. The house music swells and the crowd CHEERS in response as Celeste grimaces. CELESTE Quite the turn out, Beth. You have a very promising career... as a club promoter. Beth sighs. She knew this was coming.

BETH The art can’t be appreciated if we can’t get bodies through the door. CELESTE This is the Guggenheim. Not Bat Day at Yankee Stadium. What’s next? A Mapplethorpe retrospective hosted by Hooters? With buffalo wings and Jell-o shots for hors d'oeuvres? BETH I’ve raised $50,000 in donations tonight. The food and drinks were underwritten by Hugo Boss-CELESTE I could raise $50,000 with a phone call and it would still uphold the integrity of the Guggenheim. BETH I don’t think you’re giving the young people here enough credit. There are a lot of potential patrons to the arts here tonight-WHOOOO! DRUNK KID

A fat DRUNK KID stumbles by with TWO BUDDIES. DRUNK KID Art after Dark, beeotches! Art... rhymes with fart! Heh! Heh! Heh! (lurching) Ulk! The Drunk kid vomits all over himself. Beth recoils as Celeste coolly glances to the mess on the floor.

4.

CELESTE Clearly not a fan of the post minimalist movement. The drunken Buddies high-five, howling with laughter. BUDDY #1 I told ya not to eat all them buffalo wings, dude! Celeste raises an eyebrow. Beth’s in a full-body cringe.

BETH I’ll get someone to clean that up. CELESTE That’s an excellent idea, Beth. Your best of the evening, I’m sure. Celeste walks off as Beth sighs, deflated. She turns to see the Drunk kid checking her out, vomit splattered on his shirt. DRUNK KID Do you work for UPS? ‘Cuz I just caught you checkin’ out my package. Beth just stares. The final humiliation to an execrable evening. She walks off as the Drunk Kid calls after her: Lesbian! DRUNK KID

EXT. BETH’S APARTMENT BUILDING - UPPER WEST SIDE - NIGHT A stylish brownstone only a block off the Park. Beth unlocks her door as we hear MUSIC coming from inside her apartment... INT. BETH’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Abstract art hangs on the walls beside tasteful black and white photography. It’s all so obsessively neat and ordered, it looks more like a museum exhibit than someone’s apartment. Beth steps around the corner to find... JOAN, early 20’s and very cute in her flight attendant uniform, dancing around the kitchen to some cheesy Italian pop song on the stereo. Hey! HEY! BETH

But Joan can’t hear her over the music. Beth steps over and shuts off the stereo as Joan spins around, grinning.

5.

BETH How’d you get in here? JOAN Spare key under the doormat. You’re so predictable. BETH I am not predictable... Joan lifts up a miserable-looking fern. JOAN You know these things do need to be watered occasionally... BETH Mom gave it to me. I think I may be killing it intentionally. When did you get into town? JOAN About an hour ago. They gave me the red eye to London tomorrow. (grins) Thought I’d surprise you. BETH You know I hate surprises. JOAN Then fasten your seat belt, sis, cuz I’ve got a doozy for you... BETH What is it? JOAN (shaking her head) Nuh uh. Drinks first. BETH I have to work in the morning. JOAN C’mon. One drink. You know you can never say ‘no’ to me. BETH And you can never say ‘no’ period. Tight ass. JOAN

6.

Slut.

BETH

Then seemingly out of nowhere: AAAHHHH! BETH & JOAN

They run into each other’s arms. INT. THE DEAD POET - NIGHT A cozy Upper West Side dive bar. A FRAMED POEM reads:

Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind, And therefore is wing'd cupid, painted blind. - William Shakespeare We PULL BACK to reveal hundreds of other poems hung across the brick walls. But all of its charm is lost on Beth, who we find sitting at the bar with Joan in mid-rant: BETH ...at first I thought she was going to fire me. But now I’m convinced she won’t because she gets so much pleasure out of making me miserable. She’s just like Aunt Sally who, by the way, called me today to say she thinks I may be a ‘commitophobe.’ Thank you very much, Oprah Winfrey. JOAN You shoulda hung up on her. BETH I did. Well... I practically did. Why do people assume that if you’re not married by 30 you must have some socio-psychological pathology? JOAN It’s ridiculous, I agree. But--

BETH My life is fine the way it is. Better than fine! I am the youngest Curator in the history of the Guggenheim. I don’t have time for a relationship right now.

I’m beginning to think great romance doesn’t even exist. . Jesus.7. JOAN Speaking of relationships-BETH I don’t want romance in my life.. BETH Sorry.. 4D. we’re kind of in the middle of something here. your turn. it’s depressing. Aunt Sally still talks about how in love they were and look at how that ended -. BUSINESSMAN From the plane. But love fades. In fact. JOAN Would you please shut the hell up and let me talk for one minute! Beth stops. Remember? BETH Hey.. I know you. right? He pulls out a boarding pass from his coat pocket.. why would you want to? Look at Mom and Dad. then starts laughing at herself. JOAN Oh. for Christ’s sake. Sure. 4D. Romance dies. What is it you wanted to tell me? Okay. BUSINESSMAN Heeeeey. JOAN In fact-- BETH You can’t have it all and what’s more. JOAN So two weeks ago -- But then some middle-aged BUSINESSMAN squeezes between them.with a judge asking us who we’d rather live with. Okay. BUSINESSMAN First Class. It exists.

JOAN I’m engaged. are you outta your mind? JOAN He’s the one. Beth. . BETH You. Joan pulls back her sleeve and lifts her hand up to reveal a DIAMOND the size of a small apricot. Whataya say we hook up? No. Still think it’ll be a hoot? Beth freezes as Joan screams..” No.8.. it’ll be a hoot. now! (to Joan) And you. get the hell outta here! (to the bartender) You. BUSINESSMAN (ignoring Beth) I’m in town for a couple days. JOAN BUSINESSMAN C’mon. two weeks? That’s not even enough time for a credit check. JOAN (CONT’D) It’s true! His name’s Umberto. I know it. Finally. In Rome! Joan screams again. more drinks. The Businessman turns to Beth: BUSINESSMAN “Spamalot?” Beth shoves the Businessman in the chest. JOAN BUSINESSMAN I got tickets to “Spamalot. BETH It’s just.. We met on a flight to Rome two weeks ago and now we’re getting married..

Now. Please.) She’s doomed. empty painter’s canvas.. you date him... Beth shoots her a look. Beth looks into her sister’s pleading eyes before: BETH Of course I’m happy for you. c’mon. GUGGENHEIM .NEXT MORNING The world famous Frank Lloyd Wright building spirals up from the corner of Fifth Avenue.SAME As Stacy follows Beth through the corporate office building: BETH I mean. STACY (CONT’D) I’m just saying.9. Not to me. GUGGENHEIM . working in a place where they sort men into classes. At 86th Street we notice that a construction project has put up temporary retaining walls and scaffolding. EXT. STACY She got swept away..O....OFFICES .. tell me everything. you don’t marry him! STACY She’s so lucky. They turn the corner.. you meet some Italian guy in First Class.. . BETH It happens. INT.. BETH (V. Just imagine. BETH My baby sister’s about to make the biggest mistake of her life and there’s nothing I can do about it.. squeezing past two massive moving men who carry a heavy sculpture up from the loading docks. like some massive. JOAN Be happy for me.

(turning) Carol? . STACY You must be ecstatic. It’s efficient. BETH It’s not stupid. Beth takes her place at the table and smiles at her fellow curators. STACY It’s an expiration date. Celeste opens her presentation folder. As you all know. I’m focusing on my work. BETH (CONT’D) I’ve never been happier. They’ll be expecting nothing less than the absolute best that the Guggenheim has to offer. STACY That’s because you won’t let it. So I give it a deadline.. People waste years of their lives on relationships that aren’t going anywhere. CELESTE (CONT’D) Soon we will be hosting the single most important event of the year -The Board of Trustees Annual Circle of Gold. dating cottage cheese. none of whom make an effort to acknowledge her. It’s like BETH It’s helped me to prioritize my life.. And on the rare occasion when you actually do meet somebody you doom it to failure by holding them to that stupid three-week-rule. Stacy opens the door to reveal Celeste glaring at them.10. And you know what? They stop at the conference room. the Guggenheim succeeds or fails based on the contributions of our chief benefactors. CELESTE Apparently we can begin now. Rather than waste my time chasing a fairy tale.

Celeste glances over to Beth and gives a scary smile. The Art of The Muse. I expect to have the last two by this Friday. CELESTE Excellent. Rene? The jaded Frenchman. It will invite our guests to interact with the film by choosing viewing positions from a menu of architectural options. I did not. As always. CELESTE Magnifique.11. She recites as if in a classroom: CAROL I am pleased to announce that I’ve been successful in my pursuit of the complete earthwork photographs of Robert Smithson. A bird-like woman who emulates Celeste right down to the matching Hermes scarf. CELESTE Intriguing. Roger? An art film snob of the worst kind: ROGER I have acquired Vita Acconci’s TeleFurni System. Beth? BETH It’s been said that Picasso changed his lovers as often as he changed his style. Carol. The Woman With Yellow Hair is a part of our permanent collection. Renee. CELESTE And what about you. This will be the first exhibit dedicated to Picasso’s inspiration. MOMA failed to get the Brancusi estate’s cooperation for such a show last year. CELESTE They’ve seen our Picasso. milks the accent for all its worth: RENEE I am securing the entire Maiastra Sculptures of Constantin Brancusi. . As you know.

And beautiful. What? CELESTE BETH I’m.. I mean.. I’m going to Rome. BETH I’ve already secured seven Vollard Suite etchings. I’ll be checking in constantly while I’m in Rome. looks up. I didn’t want anything to get delayed in customs. Rebecca tell you? CELESTE I thought she was making a bad joke. BETH Don’t worry. CELESTE So barring our delving even deeper into our already depleted funds.... CELESTE Then I suppose we’ll have to do the best we can with what you’ve done. CELESTE (CONT’D) What did I say when you told me Beth was going to Rome? . we’re stuck with this exhibit? Yes.12. REBECCA. I even said as much. Re-bec-ca? Celeste’s tortured-looking assistant... I want progress reports each day.. BETH I mean no. CELESTE Have you made arrangements to insure and travel the pieces? BETH Of course. Didn’t. on from the Picasso Museum in Together I think they will CELESTE Repetitive and familiar? of the loan Paris. be-- BETH Provocative.

. But it’s my sister’s wedding. BETH (CONT’D) Two days. Celeste gives the scary stare. it’s hard for me to tell sometimes-I laughed. BETH It’ll only be three days. STACY Would you just try and enjoy the fact that you’re going to an insanely romantic wedding in Rome? BETH Yeah. I won’t even have time to shake the jet lag.O. Tops.’ And then you made a kind of choking sound.) She has black eyes! EXT. I know. BETH Black like a shark. Rebecca flips through her pad before reading: REBECCA ‘You can’t be serious? Nobody goes on vacation the week before a show. It may have been a laugh. I mean.. JFK AIRPORT . for all of 48 hours. CELESTE How exceptionally inconvenient.. BETH It’s all last minute. She could have her own week on The Discovery Channel.DAY As Stacy helps Beth get her luggage out of the trunk. I have to be there.13. who needs to see Rome anyhow? Beth forces a smile as we hear: BETH (V. CELESTE Rebecca literally makes a note of it.

Mom grimaces as she cracks open a mini-vodka. She raises her glass of Smirnhoff. AIR ITALIA JET .. RUSTY You going to Italy? Sure am... (to the mother) Hello. yes I am. RUSTY. STACY It only takes a moment to get swept away. .. BETH RUSTY You going to Italy? BETH Uh. Rusty. 5-year-old boy. RUSTY What’s your name? BETH My name’s Beth. who has a handful of Xanax at the ready. it’s a wedding in Rome. STACY If ever there was a place to get swept away. INT.14. BETH Don’t be ridiculous.DAY Beth checks her seat number before sitting down beside a gaptoothed. RUSTY MY NAME IS RUSTY! BETH Nice to meet you. and his haggard-looking MOM. RUSTY YOU GOING TO ITALY? Beth glances over to the boy’s Mom. MOTHER See you on the other side.

RASPY COUGH. BETH Beth takes out her Blackberry and starts furiously tapping away as Rusty leans over to watch... Then he suddenly hacks up a horrible.. .DAY As the magnificent Air Italia jet lifts off the tarmac.? BETH RUSTY I SPY A LADY! I SPY A TOILET! I SPY A LADY COMIN’ OUTTA THE TOILET! Beth looks to Rusty’s Mom.) BETH But Mom’s out cold. spraying Beth in a fine mist of germs and bacteria. you should really cover your mouth when you cough... RUSTY I SPY A BLANKET! What. Great.. But it works as a plug. Beth wipes off her Blackberry screen as Rusty shouts: RUSTY Wanna play I-Spy? BETH Not really. sending a MISSILE OF MUCOUS exploding out of his snot-encrusted nostrils and onto her Blackberry.. MARCO! RUSTY (O.. Mom downs the pills with the vodka.. JFK .15. Rusty leans closer.. Beth inches away. BETH (grimacing) Better.. Rusty starts to cough again and clamps a hand over his mouth.. O-kay.S. BETH You know... EXT.

16. And then he starts to cry. BUSINESSMAN Would you shut that kid up? BETH What are you telling me for? Talk to Janis Joplin over there.. BETH You can’t play Marco Polo on a plane! You play it in a pool! Just like you don’t tell what you’re spying in I Spy! It’s a guessing game! That’s the point! Rusty blinks.LATER Beth has her teeth clenched and her iPod on full blast. INT. BETH I’m sorry. red-faced BUSINESSMAN with an inflatable neck pillow sits forward from across the aisle. Beth sighs. okay? (then) Marco? A blotchy. See how green his mucous is? A high-strung JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN from the row ahead: JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN Shouldn’t let son fly with ear infection! Pressure too great! BETH This isn’t my son.. barely holding it together as Rusty screams in her face: MARCO! RUSTY MARCO! MARCO! Beth finally rips out her ear buds. BUSINESSMAN Aren’t you the nanny? BETH Do I look like the nanny? An OLD WOMAN from across the aisle: OLD WOMAN He’s probably got an ear infection. I didn’t. AIR ITALIA . .

but not before the lead Flight Attendant points at her eyes and then to Beth in an “I got my eyes on you” warning. you need to keep your voice down.... BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! Beth bolts upright as the FASTEN SEAT BELT light blinks on. JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN Nanny should know better! BETH I’M NOT THE FUCKING NANNY! Everybody stops.. BETH That.17. Until.. One moment of pure bliss. Finally. A FLIGHT ATTENDANT with big. OLD WOMAN She’s the nanny. FLIGHT ATTENDANT #2 Do we have a ‘situation’ here? BETH What’s wrong with you people? This isn’t my fault! It’s his! Beth points at Rusty who is (of course) fast asleep by now. came out a lot louder than I planned. The Flight Attendants give each other a look before they turn to go. . We ask that you please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts. People are trying to sleep. BETH Beth puts on a sleeping mask and pulls a blanket around her.. PILOT (V. I know! BETH I’m one of those people! A jumpy SECOND FLIGHT ATTENDANT hurries over...O..) This is your captain speaking. Texas-style hair steps over: FLIGHT ATTENDANT Ma’am.. We’ll let you know when it’s safe to get up and move about the cabin. A BEAT. We’ve received word of some rather extreme turbulence up ahead.

.. Que fah? CABBIE That is no time.. Beth is already furiously tapping away. BETH And counting..) EXT.DAY Beth jostles her way through the crowd for the taxi line. Uh huh. Beth whips out her Blackberry and checks her e-mails. CAB . She approaches a line of TAXI DRIVERS. INT.18. who WHISTLE and LEER as only Italian men can. It’s obvious from her wild eyes and unkempt hair that the turbulence never let up. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! . CABBIE First time in Roma? Uh huh. BETH . eh? 48 hours.O. Beth is being tossed back and forth in the back seat as they rocket down the narrow alleyways.MOMENT LATER And a CLOSE-UP of the winning cabbie.. LEONARDO DA VINCI AIRPORT . smiling with a huge shiner under his eye. Taxi? BETH All six cabbies leap at her at once. BETH Welcome to my life.. CABBIE Then you must start now. BETH CABBIE How long you stay.or not. PILOT (V.

Just a little turbulence. Emergency landing. the Italians.. UMBERTO (30). . Really? PRISCILLA They let us right through. . Beth they drive by spectacular cathedrals.. as breath-taking piazzas. until Beth comes tearing through the piazza with her suitcases in tow. JOAN She looks fine. transfixed.. EXT. They kiss passionately. her mother. nothing much...19. they sip cappuccinos in Beth is speechless. and for once even CABBIE Welcome to Roma.DAY Beth steps inside to see the rehearsal already in progress.. a rather peculiar-looking Italian with a comical.DAY watches. Joan shoots her mother a look.is right outside her window. THE COLOSSEUM CABBIE And then she stops as she sees. Where two young lovers toss coins into the FONTANA D’AMORE. Beth! PRISCILLA There you are! JOAN (hugging her) Sis! I was getting worried! PRISCILLA You look awful.. dressed so elegantly as the corner cafes. lop-sided smile. PIAZZA . Strip search at customs. CATHEDRAL . a bunch of Umberto’s family... There’s Joan.. her handsome new fiance. INT. What happened? BETH Oh. and Beth’s father.. JACK (50s) talking to the PRIEST.. Signora? Beth looks up. wonderfully romantic. PRISCILLA MARTIN (50s).

Beth is fixing one of Joan’s curls when: BETH Who’s that? . PRISCILLA (calling after them) A little concealer under your eyes wouldn’t kill you either! EXT. Mom. all in formal dress. PRISCILLA We don’t have time for sarcasm. JACK And she’s not a slut.S. Did you see it? It’s so beautiful! PRISCILLA Your father’s slut of the month is at the hotel with your dress. princess! JOAN (dragging her away) C’mon! You have to meet Umberto’s family.EARLY EVENING The Wedding party. She’s a pro beach volleyball player! Hi Dad. JACK (O.) I heard that! Beth turns to see her father walking over. BETH Then I guess you win. We’re taking photos by the fountain at five o’clock. prepare for the first group picture.20. BETH JACK (kissing her) Hiya. They’re a scream! JACK His dad played golf with Ari Onassis. FONTANA D’AMORE . JOAN The Fontana d’Amore. dear.

Beth shoots her a look as Joan grins. UMBERTO Dove sei stato. They look to see a man hurrying down the steps. INT. por favore! Everyone smiles for the camera just as Nick notices Beth. mussed hair.LITTLE LATER The ornate cathedral is decked with the most beautiful flowers imaginable as a full boy’s choir sings in the wings. NICK Sorry I’m late. ROMAN CATHEDRAL . And stop trying to find defects before you even meet him! Umberto’s Mother tries to comb Nick’s hair as she pushes him into position for the photographs. NICK BEAMON. There is a collective GASP from the guests. but still kind of cute..21.. A wrinkled tuxedo. . sono in ritardo. JOAN That’s Umberto’s best man. All heads turn to the back of the church as the sanctuary doors open and Joan enters.. NICK (to the family) Mi scusi. BETH He’s a mess. Nick fumbles with his tie as he runs over to join Umberto and the other groomsmen. BETH Did he say he’s retarded? JOAN Late. JOAN I thought you’d like him. FLASH! The shot FREEZE FRAMES with Nick checking her out. breathtaking in a white lace and satin dress with a 20 foot train being held by two adorable little girls.. I rented a scooter and drove up in the hills and I hit a goat. ‘berto. They were roommates together at NYU. The PHOTOGRAPHER waves: PHOTOGRAPHER Mi seguano.

VOICE FESTEGIAMO! INT. To Joan.. Beth watches her little sister walk down the aisle. Her tough exterior melting away as a tear runs down her cheek. We PUSH THROUGH the crowd to find Beth and Jack at the bar. Dad. I love these small. PALAZZO. if you’re gonna be a bear. when Joan threw the bouquet.. BETH This is nice.. be a grizzly.NIGHT A champagne cork POPS and the guests CHEER as we reveal the reception is being held in a spectacularly ornate palazzo. JACK BETH They take a sip and look out to see Tina mingling in the crowd.. right? BETH I have no idea what that means. JACK Hey. So? JACK Whataya think? BETH She seems very. fit.22.. standing a good head taller than anyone around her. intimate weddings. To Joan. JACK At least she was out there.. Tina spiked it. Dad. Of Tina? JACK That’s all you can say? BETH Dad. BETH . GRAND HALL . Jack raises his champagne glass in a toast.

.. We’re quite a pair. JACK I wanna throw another wedding! BETH You will. NICK I’m Nick. She stops. They share a little smile before Joan steps over with Nick. BETH Hit a goat.23. JACK Forget it. NICK They look into each other’s eyes before: NICK (CONT’D) You’re not gonna be using any obscure idioms or regional aphorisms are you? . Beth! Speech time! What? BETH JOAN Oh. BETH I’m sorry. but it came out cruel.. I heard. eh? You won’t fall in love and I won’t stop. JOAN Come on.. and some of Umberto’s family can’t understand English so Nick is going to translate your speech. So. Hi. BETH Isn’t it a little late to be introducing ourselves? NICK That’s my fault. I was out sightseeing earlier and I. Meant it as a joke.. You’re due for another wife pretty soon..

I am one of them. Beth looks to Nick who shrugs as if to say. ready... Umberto...’ And I admit that even I did at first. Surprised looks from the Italians. He finally shrugs: . NICK (searching for the words) Some think this wedding is too hasty. though I haven’t known you very long. smart for loving Joan... Nick smiles and nods... Off Beth’s look we. SMASH CUT TO: INT. For you.. with subtitles) Umberto.NIGHT Beth stands awkwardly at the microphone with a glass of champagne in hand.. Nick looks a bit stuck on that one.” BETH But I’ve always admired the way you trust your instincts...24. PALAZZO .. “I’m doing the best I can. BETH Your choice of Joan speaks highly of you.. And I’ve never seen you more impatient than you were to be here with Umberto.. Nods of agreement from the Italians. Beth glances over to Nick who speaks into his own mic: NICK (in Italian. even though I’ve only known you for a short time... NICK You are... People begin clinking their forks against their glasses until: BETH (into microphone) Um.. impatience is a virtue. BETH Some would call this wedding ‘impetuous.

. BETH . NICK Um. Joan likes magic.... maybe if we all clap now she’ll quit talking and we can get on with the party! The Italians erupt into LAUGHTER and APPLAUSE. NICK .. pleased. He grins innocently. NICK It was worth a try....25. The Italians smile. NICK It seems the Maid of Honor is running out of patience so. something.... A shocked GASP from the Italians. One of Umberto’s groomsmen claps him on the back enthusiastically... BETH Well. BETH When I look at you. something .. NICK But hasty can be good.and I know that if you could.. BETH .... evidently. Beth raises her glass. CHEERS! BETH ....for you and Umberto have created your own magic here today. hey.... And I look at you today and I see a grown woman who believes that magic has actually come true.and I know that you’ll share him with me. you’d share that feeling with me.... our Best Man is running out of Italian so.. Beth glares at Nick. I remember a little girl who believed in magic. uh. Beth looks suspiciously over at Nick.

guests dancing. We find Beth. but thanks. the next time somebody translates for you. He taught me how to pick up girls in Italian and I taught him how to navigate the subway.S.26. So where did you learn to speak Italian so poorly? NICK Umberto. watching Joan and Umberto dancing cheek to cheek. BETH Umberto’s brother already hit on me and most of his family thinks I’m a pervert.’ (holds out the glass) Truce? Beth grins and takes the champagne. NICK Well. try to stay away from words like ‘impetuous. She turns to see Nic holding two glasses of champagne. ABONDANZA! ABONDANZA! INT.. BETH I wrinkled my nose? . getting swept away when. PALAZZO . milling about.) I liked your toast. Brooklyn? BETH NICK (nods) Red Hook.LATER NICK ITALIANS The reception is in full swing. And by the way you just wrinkled your nose at that I’m gonna go with Upper West Side. BETH Truce. NICK (O. eating dinner..

27. BETH Tell me he’s a good guy. (beat) I give it a year. NICK BETH The Priest stumbles drunkenly over to them. PRIEST Nich-o-las! NICK Having a good time.. Beth hides a smile as they turn to watch Joan and Umberto.. They break up laughing before lowering their voices: NICK I thought I was the only one who thinks this is crazy! BETH Are you kidding? They’ve known each for what? Two weeks? NICK Exactly! That’s not even enough time for a credit check! Beth freezes. What? Nothing. A saint. father? The Priest grins lasciviously at Beth. NICK Her? BETH NICK Good. A saint and an angel. An angel. BETH Six months tops. NICK It was cute. .

. BETH Think I’ll skip confession. .. Bah! PRIEST The Priest stumbles off into the crowd. Then he starts to lick it before Beth yanks her hand away. She shouts over the music: BETH So what do you do when you’re not out thinning the Italian goat population? NICK I’m a reporter.. trying their best to mimic the steps of the Italians. Padre. PRIEST Mmm.. Beth and Nick are caught in the middle of the group now. NICK Easy.28. And as they do they share a “Hey. bella.. so we should get our money’s worth. NICK You should have seen him at the bachelor party.. NICK Father Dino here cleaned me out at the poker table last night. He kept saying Jesus died for our sins. look at us. BETH I’m impressed. Nick! BETH But it’s futile.. could be better... PRIEST Oooh.. we’re dancing” smile. A train of dancers passes by as one of the Italian girls grabs Nick’s hand and pulls him into the line.. The Priest kisses Beth’s hand. Remember those vows.. Beth laughs -until Nick grabs her and drags her along with him.

.for USA Today... BETH NICK You snorted at my profession. The music changes to a slow dance. Upper West Side . NICK Ah. your turn. I just don’t need my news in color. NICK Awkward. BETH Curator of Modern Art for the Guggenheim Museum. NICK ... Let me guess. NICK That was my second guess.. Or with pie charts.. covers her mouth. Beth snorts. a New York Times snob. I guess I thought those stories kinda wrote themselves..29. So... BETH I’m not a snob. She laughs. (a beat) You’re a pole dancer at Scores. BETH I should check on-- . NICK Okay..... NICK What was that? Nothing. NICK (CONT’D) New York Times. BETH I’ve just never met anyone who wrote for USA Today before. He studies her face as they spin around each other. slightly superior attitude.

.. Beth reluctantly pulls back. well be talking about he and Beth. she doesn’t argue. Nick brushes a lock of hair away from her face... NICK (softly) You’re not so tough... BETH They effortlessly move into each other’s arms. Okay.. BETH I guess we should go. She rests her head on his shoulder as Nick smells the skin of her cheek.. Me too. touches the small of her back.. And as they slow dance the rest of the party seems to fade away. BETH You smell like goat. taken off guard. getting lost. Beeeeeth? PRISCILLA A perfect moment.. NICK You smell like lavender... BETH But he could just as Beth turns and walks over towards the wedding party. NICK I really do hope it works out.. Until: Beth looks up to see her mother coming across the floor.30. And for once. PRISCILLA It’s time to cut the cake... her knees practically buckling as she takes a deep breath: .. He’s talking about Joan and Umberto.. NICK Would you like to dance? Beth stops..

BETH Easy.. The piazza is illuminated under a full moon. crushed. She tosses her coat onto a bench before wrapping her arms around Nick’s neck and kissing him deeply. BETH What the hell. feeling foolish.. as Nick and the woman walk back off towards the party... empty except for a young ITALIAN PEASANT sitting with his beloved at the edge of the fountain. She takes a big swig of champagne from the bottle.. EXT. DISSOLVE TO: LATER. Nick. gazing up at the moon.NIGHT It’s a beautiful night. before running from this crazy woman. Maybe it’s the champagne. BETH What do I care? read USA Today! I don’t even The Italian Peasant tosses a coin into the fountain. Beth steps outside holding the bottle of champagne as she sees.. startled.. Beth sits alone at a table.. BETH You promised yourself you wouldn’t let it happen and then you did. maybe it’s Rome.. But just as Beth’s about to join him. BETH That’s right! Run away you cowards! Run from the truth! .31. She watches.. BETH (to herself) Idiot. a beautiful ITALIAN GIRL steps over to join him. Fools! BETH FOOLS! They look up. Beth shakes her head. She spots Nick walking out to the piazza alone. deep in thought... PIAZZA .. a half empty bottle of champagne in front of her.. Beth. but she finally gives in to it all.

Pazzi. Mysterious. Free. We wait all of our lives for the perfect man to come along and sweep us off our feet. BETH What are you looking at? (scoffs) Fountain of Love. Isn’t that what we want? Isn’t that what we were promised? She looks into the water to the bottom of the fountain. And then she drops the bottom of her dress and lets it soak into the water. Ahhh. Beth steps out of her high heels and swings her bare feet into the cool.. And guess what? He’s not coming! He’s busy making out with Sophia Loren’s bastard love child! Beth takes another slug from her champagne bottle. sparkling water..32. . ON BETH as she scowls at the statue of Venus in the fountain. What a crock. Nick takes one last look at Beth before his date drags him away. Faithful... covered with a thousand glittering coins. as if the Goddess of Love were calling to her. BETH Handsome. Letting herself go. the moonlight striking her in the most beautiful way. NICK’S DATE She picks up her jacket from the bench. Wealthy. Beth lifts the hem of her dress and climbs into the fountain. And a Bad Boy to keep us guessing. Intelligent.. NICK steps back outside with his date and stops when he sees. BETH And then. holding the bottom of her dress in one hand and her champagne bottle in the other. BETH wading through the water.. Romantic. It’s a magical image...

(she tosses it back and picks up a lire piece) But I will save you. BETH I’m saving you. And here I thought you were just a cab driver. thanks. (picks up a penny) And I’m saving you.. The cowardly thing is to do nothing.. NEW YORK CITY .... (picks up a nickel) You I don’t give a damn about.33... A red-faced CABBIE hops out and angrily tosses Beth’s bags onto the sidewalk. CABBIE You got serious control issues. BETH Each one of these coins is a desperate wish for love that will never come true.. Phil. Eh! POLIZIA #1 Signora! Smettila! BETH The Love Police... Ya know that. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. Dr...DAY As a taxi pulls up to Beth’s apartment. The Cabbie speeds off as she calls after him: .. lady? He snatches the money from her hand and gets into the cab...all I was saying is it would’ve been quicker to take the tunnel. BETH . She reaches down and plucks out a Silver dollar.. Uh oh.. Two POLIZIA on horseback appear at the end of the piazza. BETH Gee. Beth climbs out of the fountain and runs off across the piazza as we CLOSE ON the smiling FACE OF VENUS..

34.

BETH And I was right about the tunnel! INT. BETH’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Beth sets down her luggage and looks to her empty, perfectly arranged apartment. She hits her answering machine. BEEP. NICK (V.O.) Hi... it’s Nick. Beamon. From the wedding. Joan gave me your number. BETH Thanks, sis... NICK (V.O.) I left messages for you at the hotel, but I guess you didn’t get them... BETH Guess again, ass clown. NICK (V.O.) Anyhow, I was wondering if you would like to have dinner some-Beth deletes the message. BEEP.

CELESTE (V.O.) It’s Celeste. Beth makes a face at the machine. CELESTE (CONT’D) I have a Mr. Larsen coming in from Minnesota to discuss a sizable donation to the museum. And for some reason he wants to meet you. Be available from ten until noon. BEEP. Beth opens the refrigerator to find only condiments and a good bottle of chardonnay. She grabs some ketchup. LITTLE BOY (V.O.) Umm... hi... Beth looks curiously over to the machine. LITTLE BOY (V.O.) Did... did you know? That there’s enough iron in the human body? To make a three inch nail?

35.

BEEEEEEEEP. End. Of. ANSWERING MACHINE Messages. BETH

O-kay...?

Beth squirts ketchup into a bowl as the phone RINGS. BETH (picking up) Hello? INTER-CUT WITH NICK in his messy apartment. NICK Oh... hi... Yes? It’s Nick. Wedding. BETH NICK From the-He freezes.

BETH Yes, I know.

She runs some hot water from the sink. NICK I wasn’t expecting to get you... BETH You want me to hang up so you can talk to the machine instead? NICK No! No, this is good. I’m, uh, usually much cooler than this... Beth pours hot water into the bowl and stirs, making a very watery, very desperate version of tomato soup. NICK But I was wondering if you were free for dinner tonight... BETH I’m already having dinner. NICK How about a drink? Or coffee?

36.

Nope.

BETH

NICK Which part ‘nope?’ All of it.

Drink or coffee?

BETH It’s a ‘blanket nope.’

NICK (hesitates) Maybe I’m way off base here... but I thought we really hit it off... BETH Then I guess that makes me part of a very nonexclusive club. NICK What’s that supposed to mean? BETH I saw you with that girl in the piazza. And it looked to me like you two really ‘hit it off’ as well. NICK (realizing) Oh... BETH You’re not going to tell me that was your sister with her tongue in your ear, are you? NICK No, that was Umberto’s cousin. I was practically strong-armed into being her date for the night. BETH How awful for you. NICK Look, I can’t help that I was someone’s date. But after I met you... after I saw you standing in that fountain... BETH (stopping) You saw that?

Beth Martin. ON NICK As he slumps down into his chair. NICK (nods) And now I can’t stop thinking about you.. . Antonio stands before Beth with a glassy-eyed smile. psycho? ANTONIO Forever will I remember these first words from your lips.. And I have come here to America to make you. BETH’S APARTMENT ..37. EXT. Her New York City armor firmly back in place.NEXT MORNING Beth steps out wearing a sweat suit and her iPod strapped to her arm. NICK EXT. Sighs. ANTONIO. her sneakers slapping across the Bow Bridge in time to the music. (he takes off his hat) I am Antonio Giuseppe Donatella. BETH Keep trying. my bride. then digs in her heels..... He wears an Italian peasant’s hat and a rucksack slung over his shoulder. Smooth.. Beth hangs up. So what am I supposed to do? Beth wavers for a moment. BETH What are you looking at. Strong and in control once again. EXT.. CENTRAL PARK ..MORNING As Beth returns to her apartment we see a MAN sitting on the steps. She hits PLAY and starts off down the street.MORNING As Beth picks up the pace. BETH’S APARTMENT . She tries a spoonful of the watery tomato soup before cringing and pouring it down the sink. If he looks familiar it’s because he’s the same Italian who sat with his lover at the fountain before Beth scared them off in a drunken tirade.

. swimming in the clouds.. in the heavens above Nunzio. each one a different drawing of Beth. as I slept... right? Did my sister put you up to this? ANTONIO You have a sister? I only pray she not be too jealous of your beauty.... bracelets? ANTONIO And then through the clouds I saw it! A face! Your face. shoo shoo shoo. BETH Hey that’s pretty good. He stumbles to his feet and reaches out like a blind man. ANTONIO Please. Beth just stares. two days ago.. do you have one of those medical I. ANTONIO Your silence is captivating..38. eating... Beth is captivated. ANTONIO It was uncontrollable. BETH You’re putting me on. He flips it open to reveal an exquisite and inspired drawing of Beth’s face.... BA-BAM! Beth jumps as Antonio jerks his body and falls to the ground. a vision hit me like a lightning strike.. Beth looks down at her sweaty jogging suit and sneakers. jogging. let me try to explain.. . cara mia! Antonio reaches into his rucksack and pulls out a sketchbook. BETH Um. ANTONIO I was somewhere else.. Antonio turns the pages of the sketchbook...... sleeping.D. Like a fever.. BETH Okay. Antonio paddles through invisible clouds. now I know you’re crazy..

that I must.. (searching for words) I must. farm boy? ANTONIO I have no fear of the law. Antonio packs up his sketchbook and turns to go.. psycho. I’m late for work and I don’t have time to deal with any police paperwork. no? BETH Look. Okay. that I must find this Beth Martin. . BETH Is that my library card photo? ANTONIO I saw everything! He continues flipping the pages to show Beth taking a bath.. BETH Okay. I must comply.. Tutti.. ANTONIO I knew then that I must travel to New York. How’s that sit with you. for my quest is singular. ANTONIO ‘Psycho!’ A pet name for me. I get the picture.. ANTONIO Beth slams the sketchbook shut. So if you leave right now I won’t call the cops. I know this is probably some elaborate prank but I’m just not in the mood.39. BETH Off my steps. But if you ask it of me. BETH Borrow library books under her name? ANTONIO Make her love me like the desert flower loves the morning dew! Beth just stares.

I mean. GUGGENHEIM OFFICES . Beth watches him go as we hear: Details! STACY (V. principessa. BETH’S OFFICE .SAME As Beth steps in and slides behind her desk. he’s from Brooklyn.... ANTONIO We will meet again. the food was extraordinary. but the whole thing was a little frilly for my taste. Stacy sits down across from her with her arms folded.) I want details! INT.DAY As Stacy is following Beth down the hallway to her office. Spill it! STACY BETH First of all.. BETH There’s really not much to tell. And don’t lie to me because I’ll know.40. (shoots her a look) What do you know? Hah! STACY INT... BETH You don’t know anything. waiting. . BETH Nothing happened. STACY Something happened. STACY You got swept away. until: BETH (relenting) It was doomed from the start. The sculptures around the piazza were stunning.O.

. You know.41. STACY A local boy? BETH Second.. he’s a liar. STACY How is that funny? BETH I was hoping you’d tell me. STACY Okay. BETH And third. more like an Italian Peasant Gram.. for a joke. Stacy? Yeah? STACY BETH Do you know anything about someone sending me a singing telegram? A what? STACY BETH Not exactly a singing telegram. okay... he writes for USA Today.. And a pig. VOICE (O. We have a huge week ahead of us and you need to arrange the transport of the Vollard etchings. That’s three and four..) Beth Martin? ..... actually.. STACY But he’s single? BETH I don’t want to talk about Nick Beamon. STACY I love USA Today. Stacy starts for her desk when: BETH Hey.S.

. Beth signs as the Messenger hands her a gift-wrapped box.” What does that mean? STACY I dunno. okay. I had to buy a pack when we tailgated at the Jets game.. Suddenly.. Stacy hands her a little gift card as Beth reads: BETH “For Beth. BETH (unwrapping the present) Okay. But these aren’t cheap. But nothing’s gonna change my mind about Nick Beamon. BETH You want ‘em? They’re yours. Jeg elsker deg. I wonder what it is? BETH I don’t care what it is. The paper falls away revealing a package of: BETH (CONT’D) . They turn to see a BICYCLE MESSENGER in the doorway.. one of the other secretaries pops in: SECRETARY Sorry to barge in but -. BICYCLE MESSENGER Sign here. ya know.. Really? STACY BETH Knock yourself out. Stacy just looks at her until Beth gives in. please. STACY Ooh..42.bratwurst? STACY There’s a card.he’s baaack! .. Not flowers or chocolates or.

43.

BETH Who’s back? C’mon! STACY We’ll miss him!

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS As Beth and Stacy step over to join a crowd of secretaries at the window. As they look outside we reveal a construction team across the street. And among them is the GORGEOUS GUY. His shirt is off, revealing his rippling muscles glistening under a fine layer of sweat. The secretaries swoon. STACY He makes me glad to be a woman. Me too... MALE SECRETARY They all duck

Just then Gorgeous Guy looks up and smiles. down below the window, laughing, just as... CELESTE

steps into the hallway. Everyone quickly scurries back to their desks, leaving Beth standing there alone. We wait for Celeste to go off, but instead she forces a smile. Beth? Yeah...? CELESTE BETH

CELESTE I want you to meet Mr. Larsen. An OLD MAN steps out of Celeste’s office. SVEN LARSEN. looks at Beth, only Beth, as Celeste continues: CELESTE Mr. Larsen has just given a very generous donation to the Guggenheim. BETH That’s wonderful. CELESTE And now he’d like a tour of our modern art collection. In fact, he asked for you specifically. He

44.

Sven smiles beatifically. Yah. SVEN

INT. GUGGENHEIM MUSEUM - DAY Beth walks Sven through the modern art collection on the top level of the magnificent, winding spiral ramp... BETH This is our most famous painting. Picasso’s The Woman With Yellow Hair. SVEN (staring at Beth) Yah, lookit dat yellow hair der... BETH The undulating lines, rounded organic shapes, and saturated hues attest to the artist’s appreciation of contemporary developments in painting such as Surrealism. Picasso was influenced by their investigation into dreams as a portal to the subconscious... Beth looks back to see Sven smiling lovingly at her. BETH (CONT’D) ...and the playful colors he has chosen... for this portrait may represent that dream imagery... SVEN Yah, you betcha. BETH Mr. Larsen...? Sven. SVEN

BETH Sven, you’re not really interested in modern art, are you? SVEN No, not really, eh? Got grandkids back in Duluth that draw pretnear the same kinda doodles der.

45.

BETH So... why are you here? SVEN Ever see “Harold and Maude?” What? BETH

SVEN Look, I know it’s a May-December kinda romance, yah? But I can offer ya tings dat a young feller can’t. I ain’t sayin’ I’m Will Gates or nuthin’. But ya can’t be the Bratwurst King of the Midwest without putting away a few bucks. BETH That was you...? SVEN That’s our top of the line. They won the Sheboygan Brat Off three years runnin’. You can imagine how steamed them cheeseheads get losin’ to a Minnewegian from up Nort. BETH What’s Jag elsker dog? SVEN Jeg elsker deg. It means “I love you.”

BETH (turning to leave) Okay, that’s it. Tour’s over. SVEN Wait! Lemme explain... pretnear two days ago, I got an itch, yah? BETH I really don’t want to hear this... SVEN I mean a really terrible itch, ya know? Normally I have very moist skin, even in the summer. I went to put a little Noxzema on dat der and numbers flashed in my head. 4-23-3-5-0-2. I wrote dem in Noxzema on the bathroom mirror...

.46. BETH You knew what? SVEN Dat dis was my destiny. Beth keeps walking.. BETH Okay. Beth finally looks over. stop.. and the Gorgeous Guy who still stands shirtless on the corner.. GUGGENHEIM .. BETH My office phone number. GORGEOUS GUY She’s stuck here for another minute.. GORGEOUS GUY GORGEOUS GUY Check it out. I called and as soon as your secretary said your name.. To offer ya a life of luxury.. security. SVEN Yah. (beat) And all de bratwurst ya can eat. And I want you to tell whoever put you up to this that it’s not funny and I hate it! We stay on Sven as she turns and marches off. Just stop.. ya know? To make ya happy. SVEN EXT. I want you to leave.. Uff-da.EARLY EVENING Beth steps outside wearing her sneakers for the walk home.. Hey. S’up? The light turns red. I knew. What? BETH .. She walks past the construction site across the street.

BETH Look. shouldn’t you be getting back to work now? ‘Work?’ GORGEOUS GUY Huh huh. Good one. like.g. I mean. GORGEOUS GUY Most guys only got a six-pack. GORGEOUS GUY Saw you checking me out earlier. we can see Stacy and the other assistants at the office window. I’d check me out too if I were you. GORGEOUS GUY You know what I love about you? Beth shakes her head. . eating bratwursts and enjoying the show. two more. In the b. But I got. GORGEOUS GUY I don’t blame you. You and the other girls.. It’s another one.. Me-anderthal. The Gorgeous Guy whips his long mane of hair back and stretches his body to show off his ripped abdominals.47. BETH You’re not a construction worker? Nuh uh. Beth presses the WALK button repeatedly.. BETH Congratulations. GORGEOUS GUY The eight-pack. GORGEOUS GUY BETH So why are you here all day? GORGEOUS GUY Where else would I be. Beth? BETH (freezing) Holy crap..

still squeezing his butt.. like.. BETH Oh my God. GORGEOUS GUY There’s so much about me that you don’t know. Nick? NICK Same thing I wanted last night. then) I’m too busy to ignore you right now. BETH (picking up) Hello? INTERCUT .. He turns around to see that Beth’s vanished.. Daaaamn. He smiles.with Nick walking down the street.48.. zero pores. BETH What’s it going to take to convince you to leave me alone? . What do you want. Gorgeous Guy.MOMENT LATER Beth checks back to make sure she lost him as her cell rings. GORGEOUS GUY You’re not intimidated by my looks. He turns around and flexes his ass cheeks for her. maybe even a little hurt. GORGEOUS GUY Isn’t it awesome? The light changes and Beth runs across the intersection. I’ve got. I know.. until he notices his reflection in the window across the street. Or that my ass is smaller than yours. GORGEOUS GUY EXT. STREET . He looks confused. NICK Did I mention that Joan gave me your cell number too? BETH (stops... Check out my skin. doesn’t notice.

BETH Okay. I’m just running into you. BETH I’m not interested.. BETH That would entail my seeing you. BETH (CONT’D) (hanging up) You’re stalking me now? NICK No.. NICK I don’t believe you. Yes.. NICK Yes. Which I’m not about to do. So. NICK You are. Beth looks up to see Nick standing before her. in a premeditated manner.49.. BETH No.. are you ready? Because I’m only going to do this once. you are. I’m not.. NICK Lemme have it. A BEAT. NICK I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you’re not interested. BETH She stops as she realizes she’s still talking on her phone. you know that? Do you honestly not have enough bandwidth to process the fact that you’re not my type? . BETH You’re like an idiot savant but without the savant part.

You’re kind of cute. I don’t have any... BETH Interesting tactic. Third. but you’re not-NICK (objecting) I’m pretty funny.. which. when you add them up. In fact. . I try to keep my goals pretty low all around so I feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. Why not? NICK BETH Well. difference. I can’t see going out with somebody who writes the equivalent of fast food for a McPaper.. I’m not obsessed with online porn or online poker. I’ve never been convicted of a felony. let’s face it. BETH You’re annoying. NICK But what I do have is a complete lack of any terrible qualities which. NICK I don’t smoke or do drugs.50. I’ll give you that.. for one thing. I’m a journalist but not a writer. BETH You lost me. you think you’re funny. is the equivalent of one great quality. Second. There’s a NICK Look. so I’m not tortured over some awful novel that will never sell. frankly. stops being cute pretty damn quick.. but in a “Isn’t he cute how he burps the alphabet?” kind of cute. I don’t live with my parents. I don’t find you attractive. I’m not going to stand here and give you a laundry list of all of my great qualities because.

.. BETH (CONT’D) You don’t know anything about me! I’m fearless! And wildly impulsive! VROOOOOM! Beth looks over to the biker who motions for her to get on. NICK I think you’re afraid because you know there’s something between us. Me? The Biker nods. BETH Did you just call me a ‘porch dog?’ Suddenly. BETH’S APARTMENT .. We STAY ON Nick’s reaction as Beth roars off down the street. tatoos. a helmet and sunglasses..DAY As the Harley pulls up and the biker shuts off the engine. Wow.. BETH So. At least I’m not always barking like some little porch dog that’s afraid to go outside. SMASH CUT TO: Beth on the back of the motorcycle. thanks for the ride. Nick. a BIKER on a Harley-Davidson pulls up. . The Biker wears a leather vest. Then she gets onto the back of the motorcycle and grins.. Beth looks between Nick and the mystery Biker for a moment. But it’s honest.51. BETH Looks like you don’t know me as well as you thought you did. BETH ‘Afraid?’ I’m the least afraid person you’ll ever meet! VROOOM! The Biker rolls on the throttle. Who exactly is this that she’s hanging onto? EXT. Beth points to herself. her triumph quickly turning to trepidation. BETH When do we get to have sex? NICK It may not be the most exciting life.

BETH You’re not? JIMMY SUE I’m just Beth-Curious. very cute but very butch girl by the name of JIMMY SUE. but you should know that you’re wasting your time.... (then) How about a drink? BETH (backing up) Sorry.. JIMMY SUE I’ll be down at the Gloria Hole on Leroy street if you change your mind... I’m Beth.. The Biker takes the helmet off to reveal. gay...52. BETH A JIMMY SUE I know. right! ‘Can’t think straight.’ Good one! Yeah... I’m not.. Live to Ride Beth. JIMMY SUE I’m Jimmy Sue.. BETH What? Oh. And I can’t think straight. I’m.. BETH Look.. but it’s been a crazy day. it’s a girl. Jimmy Sue rolls up her sleeve as Beth reads the tatoo: BETH “Ride to Live. . JIMMY SUE That’s a good start. I just got your name inked this morning.” JIMMY SUE That’s how I roll. JIMMY SUE Me neither. I don’t know what’s going on today... I mean..

Beth watches her go. shaking her head. Beth checks her wrist.. JIMMY SUE (CONT’D) Jimmy Sue PEELS off down the street. BETH Oh God. Miss? LANCE LANCE. before turning and bumping into -A MAN staring back at her with dark. BETH It’s been such a weird day and.. Miss? He takes a step after her and touches her arm. Thanks a lot. I am so sorry... Lance holds up her watch.. letting loose: BETH What? What now? Why can’t you people just leave me alone! A BEAT.53. LANCE Excuse me. Beth takes the watch and puts it back on. LANCE I think you dropped this.. Jimmy Sue puts her helmet back on.. piercing eyes. LANCE Excuse me.. thanks. Later. She starts to walk past him when: Miss? LANCE She looks back to see Lance is holding up her watch again.. . Beth whirls around.. Beth wisely puts her head down and walks right past.

... LANCE My name is Lance Blackstone.. thanks for the show but. you should really go down to Washington Square. And the show is just beginning. that’s just creepy! You’re touching me and. aren’t you? Beth straps it (very firmly) back onto her wrist. . BETH How do you know my name? LANCE I know all about you..? BETH LANCE Time flies. BETH I get it. Lance holds up her watch again.. Beth. LANCE You have all the time you want. Beth grabs her empty wrist. BETH (CONT’D) Well.. and that’s not cool! She snatches back her watch and starts to put it on before thinking better of it and stuffing it into her purse. Just pick a card and I’ll show you my heart. You’re one of those street magicians. But Magic flies faster.. BETH Look.. They’ll eat you up there. How. But I don’t have time. Beth warily reaches out and takes the watch a second time.. LANCE Don’t you believe in Magic. Beth? Wait. freaking out: BETH Damnit! Okay.54..... And now you can get to know me... Lance fans out a deck of cards with a flourish. and I’m not aware.

are you. Come on! KID #1 Pick a card! BETH Mind your own business! Other kids stop by.. I said I’d show you my heart. BETH And I’d like to keep it that way. She does.the Queen of Hearts.. LANCE Now. Beth. Lance shuffles the cards. some recording on their cell phones. BETH Not my card! Sorry! LANCE The Joker is me.. Lady! KID #3 I’m puttin’ this on You Tube! BETH Okay okay OKAY! If I pick a card will you all leave me alone? YEAH! KIDS Beth reluctantly picks a card -. LANCE Now place it back in the deck.. KID #2 C’mon. Lance reaches into the deck and pulls out. Lance starts to convulse.55. is it fair to say that we don’t know each other? Yes. BETH Hey.? Blood begins to bleed through Lance’s shirt! ... And a fool for you.. A fool for love.. a JOKER. By now a few KIDS have stopped by to watch...

her face practically covered in flour..as the phone rings.. Listen. this joke you’re playing on me is really funny.The Queen of Hearts! LANCE Is THIS your card? The kids CHEER wildly as we. INT.. SMASH CUT TO: INT. so could you call it off? . wearing an apron -.only an apron -.DAY Joan is in the kitchen. JOAN (picking up) Hello? INTER-CUT WITH BETH Joan! BETH JOAN Beth! Guess what? I’m making gnocchi in the nude! Umberto enters. especially the magician.. also naked. I mean. you got me! I don’t believe in love and now I’m up to my ass in it! Hah! But it’s really starting to freak me out now. BETH That’s terrific. PULLS OUT HIS STILL BEATING HEART! Beth SHRIEKS and runs into her apartment as the kids SCREAM.NIGHT As Beth pours herself a stiff drink. and begins kissing Joan’s neck.. UMBERTO My baby is making naked gnocchi. ITALIAN VILLA . Holy crap! BETH Somebody call 911! And then Lance reaches right into his bloody chest and.56. She downs it before grabbing her address book and rifling through the pages. Lance digs into his bloody heart and pulls out -. BETH’S APARTMENT ..

.. this is going to sound crazy. UMBERTO You must make them lighter. Hello! Right. well. Joan makes a little MOANING noise as she responds to Umberto.. BETH Plural. Umberto tastes one of the gnocchi. JOAN Really? But I followed your mother’s recipe exactly. . BETH And a woman. JOAN What’s going on? BETH Okay. And one woman. BETH Me!? JOAN Sorry. So these men.. Like little pillows of love. like they’re in love with me.. dove.. JOAN You think it’s strange that a man would fall in love with you? Men. right? And they all seem. JOAN! BETH JOAN What? (pushing Umberto away) What are you talking about? BETH You really don’t know? No.. but there are these people. Beth paces the room as she rambles: BETH Okay..57.

. ..58. Yes. you got married to a guy you’ve only known for two weeks. I ate some shellfish .... JOAN Anything strange happen in Rome? BETH Yeah. BETH (pacing again) Let’s see... JOAN They’re in love with you? BETH Ever since Rome. Why not? JOAN Umberto squeezes next to Joan to talk into the phone. drank champagne. I kinda climbed into the fountain and took some coins.. If you take coins from the fountain the love will follow. JOAN (to Umberto) She took coins from the fountain.. What? UMBERTO JOAN UMBERTO No one should take coins from the Fontana d’Amore. and then. well... BETH I don’t believe in magic.. UMBERTO The Fontana d’Amore is a magical place. Think.. Beth. Uh oh. UMBERTO I heard that! JOAN C’mon. actually a lot of champagne..

She dumps it out onto the bed to find. Somebody’s playing a joke on me. sis.. Now. She slides one of the coins out of the pile.. And a blue Poker Chip.. then she steps over to the closet where she pulls out her purse from the wedding. She peeks out through the blinds of her window. BETH (CONT’D) At least I didn’t use to. BETH You do that. JOAN Married life is awesome by the way. BETH (shaking it off) This is ridiculous... Seven? BETH An old She stops as she remembers her words that night: BETH Handsome. Beth hangs up the phone. I’m gonna go have acrobatic sex with my husband and then make marinara sauce. A Dime. Love ya.. A Silver Dollar. Nickel. right? JOAN Right. so what am I supposed to do now? UMBERTO You must return the coins. A Penny. BETH . She thinks for a moment. A Quarter An Italian Lire piece.. Wealthy. BETH I have my show in two days! I can’t just jump on a plane to Rome to throw coins back in a fountain! JOAN Looks like you’re stuck in love.59..

60. and a Bad Boy to keep us guessing..... USA TODAY . Puck? PUCK Matthew McConaughey’s in town.NEXT MORNING We pass through a beehive of activity to find Nick at his desk. Faithful.... . BETH Mysterious. INT. Romantic.. JIMMY “PUCK” PUCKNER. stepping into Nick’s office with two cameras around his neck. I need a favor.. NICK What’s up. It’s filthier than a wicker toilet seat with mock-ups of today’s LIFE section pinned up on the walls around him. Nick turns to see a sleepy-eyed stoner.... Nicky. Or maybe it’s a Bad Girl. She looks up. PUCK That’s what dates are for. then a coin for each one. realizing the impossible has happened: BETH It’s a Bethapalooza. PUCK Yo.. Listen.. NICK Wow.NEW YORK OFFICES .. The silver dollar is next. Intelligent. I just wanna get to know her. I want you to follow a girl for me. NICK What’s so special about that? PUCK He’s got his shirt on.... PUCK Snapshots or snatch shots? NICK What? No! This isn’t like that. I got some rare shots of him jogging through Central Park.

.? ANTONIO Beth takes off running.MORNING MUSIC UP: IS SHE REALLY GOING OUT WITH HIM? By Joe Jackson Beth jogs down the street with her iPod on.has been painted across the construction wall! Thirty feet long with two little cherubs covering her private parts. some taking photos of Beth with their camera phones as Antonio begins to stir awake. Nicky. with Puck among them... She passes the construction site where we see a CROWD is forming... A NUDE MURAL OF BETH . Antonio lays sleeping beside the mural.. It’s a little creepy and probably illegal. Uh oh. firing off snapshots on the run. Bella! . She suddenly freezes before slowly turning around to see.. Bella.. BETH Oh my God. (grins) I’m in. PUCK Down but not out. but I like it. NICK Tried that.. ANTONIO I’m coming. covered in paint. A Bystander notices Beth. Some of the bystanders give chase.... It’s her! Look! BETH BYSTANDER The Naked Lady! Naked Lady! VOICES There she is! People crowd around her.61. eh? I like your style. STREET ... BYSTANDER Hey..... that’s you. But I got shot down. EXT.

CUT TO: Beth sprinting through Central Park. She looks back to see Antonio is catching up to her on a rickety red bicycle. He ain’t got two nickels to rub together. .S. ya know? BETH I don’t want your money! BELLA! ANTONIO (O. ANTONIO Out of my way. Antonio just blinks. ANTONIO You are so fast.) Beth turns to see Antonio has spotted her.. And I got an even lower opinion of ya.62. it really loses its effect when I gotta explain to ya... She takes off running as Sven glowers and blocks Antonio’s path.. principessa! She cuts through the trees as we hear him fading away: ANTONIO (CONT’D) I love these games we play! You hide and I will go seek! Beth slows down to catch her breath when: SVEN JEG ELSKER DEG! Sven suddenly POPS OUT from behind a tree! Ahh! BETH It’s Night of the Loving Dead! SVEN I don’t blame ya for runnin’ from dat meatball. old man! SVEN Can’t ya take the hint? Beth thinks yer a pain in de neck. SVEN (CONT’D) ‘Lower?’ As in pain in de ass? Ya know.

. sweating through his hemp t-shirt.2 Years? BETH You’re the three-inch-nail kid. Beth starts to walk past him when: OLIVER Did you know.. I’m thirty and a half. I’m eight.. And a half. EXT. Beth freezes. Oliver? OLIVER Well.63. JIMMY SUE She’s coming around. Hey. Jimmy Sue plants a DEEP KISS right on her lips before Beth can even react. .Jimmy Sue’s arms. OLIVER I’m Oliver. babe.. BETH’S STREET .DAY Beth is trying to catch her breath when she spies a LITTLE BOY sitting on the steps to her apartment. I was doing one of those hidden word puzzles? BETH I used to love those puzzles. And as she turns forward she runs smack into -.. BETH I’m Beth.. he wears the coat and tie of a fancy private school. OLIVER CONNORS. OLIVER (CONT’D) The average person blinks once every four seconds? And if you added up all your blinking over your life you’d see darkness for 1..g.. JIMMY SUE Beth breaks away and runs down the path as Jimmy Sue leans back against her motorcycle with a knowing smile. we see Puck firing off digital snapshots from behind a tree as we.. In the b. CUT TO: Beth checking over her shoulder... Sweet-faced with thick glasses. What are you doing here.

Beth stands there.. not sure what to do.64. OLIVER And then I started getting flashes of what you looked like? So I started a chewing gum sculpture. And. Come on. made entirely from chewing gum.. that I love you? Beth sighs. . BETH Holy crap. BETH I kinda figured. BETH (CONT’D) Don’t you have anywhere to go? OLIVER Not until 3:30. BETH Impossible. Oliver beams.. until: OLIVER (blushing) Did you know. OLIVER Me too! It was on dinosaurs? I was looking for “velociraptor” but I found your name instead? Then I found New York City? And after that I found this address. Beth’s name and address are hidden within the puzzle. See? He hands her the word scramble.. OLIVER Do you like it? She looks to his hopeful face before: BETH (CONT’D) I think it’s the best chewing gum sculpture anyone’s ever made of me. That’s my bus.. true enough. Oliver reaches into his backpack and pulls out a life-sized BUST of Beth’s face.. She opens her door as Oliver steps inside...

Busy...65. or acts like they love you. Please play it.MORNING Where we see Antonio talking into a pay phone. BETH Remember what I told you.MORNING Beth tentatively steps outside wearing dark sunglasses and a hat in a lame attempt to be incognito. please. INT. PUCK That’s one crazy chick..) Please.. CLICK. YOUTH HOSTEL . we run for it. OLIVER If anyone says they love you.O.O.. Good boy. Antonio dials again.. BETH How do you INT. it would mean so much to her.O. You know that? ANTONIO Si si si! I am Psycho! know my pet name? (click) Allo? EXT.) This is KQ92 Request Line. por favore.. ANTONIO Please play it. still winded from the pursuit. USA TODAY OFFICES . . man.) You’re psycho.DAY Puck steps into Nick’s office. Pronto! ANTONIO It is me again! REQUEST LINE (V. ANTONIO (V. He dials again. She looks back as Oliver steps out wearing an identical disguise. REQUEST LINE (V.. BETH’S APARTMENT .

She’s seeing everyone. I’m an open-minded guy.. He shows Nick a digital shot of Beth and Jimmy Sue kissing. NICK Is. NICK You found her? PUCK She’s pretty easy to find.. NICK I’m not following you.... NICK She was straight a few days ago.66. INT. as we hear: .. she’s a vagitarian.. PUCK The lens doesn’t lie. PUCK You not only turned her off...DAY A secretary’s radio plays low in the b. GUGGENHEIM OFFICES ... Nicky. okay so she’s adventurous.g. you turned her off to the whole species. PUCK Cuz there’s more. And playing for the other team to boot. PUCK She’s got a kid. you got the wrong girl. NICK (stopping) No. He advances his camera to reveal a shot of Beth and Oliver holding hands as they walk out of her apartment. is she seeing someone? PUCK No. right? Good.. PUCK Bro. NICK Okay.

SECRETARY Oh my God.. KISS Me and the boys are playin’.67....DAY Beth and Oliver slip past the crowd that surrounds the gigantic nude mural..O... what can I do? . glistening at his post. that’s Beth! The KISS song BETH starts playing on the radio: KISS Beth I hear you calling.. EXT.. GUGGENHEIM . This is going out to Beth Martin at the Guggenheim from Antonio. and I’ll be right home to you. SECRETARY Hey everybody! Turn on 92. but I can’t come home right now. USA TODAY OFFICES .. INT.J.. RADIO D. Beth covers Oliver’s eyes. KISS I think I hear them calling.) This is about the 50th request we got this morning for this blast from the past.before they duck the GORGEOUS GUY. KISS Beth. and we can’t quite find the souuuuund. Oh Beth what can I do? .7! We see secretary after secretary tuning in at their desk. NICK Who the hell is Antonio? KISS Just a few more hours. so I’m gonna play it just to clear the phone lines. (V...SAME As Nick stares at the radio on his desk..

singing the harmony... INT. STACY I think I hear them calling. KISS & SECRETARIES (O... She slowly turns to see Beth’s HUGE. Oh God.SAME Stacy meets Beth..) Beth I know you’re lonely. swaying together to the music....68. And I hope you’ll be all right. BACK TO: The final chorus with EVERYBODY crowding around Beth.. Beth what can I do. ‘Cause I’m always somewhere else.. KISS & SECRETARIES And I’ll be right home to you. BETH The effeminate MALE SECRETARY sings a high falsetto: MALE SECRETARY And you’re always there aloooone! EXT. that our house just ain’t a home. her face flushed with anger.HALLWAY . while the others hold lighters over their heads. serenading her to the radio: KISS & SECRETARIES You say you feel so empty.... GUGGENHEIM OFFICES .SAME Beth and Oliver step into the hall to find the assistants standing in the hallway. INT..... NAKED MURAL smiling back at her. . Oh.SAME Celeste walks to the office when she freezes.S. STACY Just a few more hours... GUGGENHEIM OFFICES .? CUT TO: Celeste marching down the hall. GUGGENHEIM ..

.. that’s kind of. BETH I can explain... inappropriate. all night.. INT... Oliver ducks behind Beth as the secretaries scurry. CELESTE ‘Inappropriate?’ He just donated two million dollars to the museum! For that kind of money he can swing naked through the atrium! Celeste stops and composes herself before: . Larsen yesterday after I asked you to give him a private tour? BETH He was.DAY Where Celeste sits glaring back at Beth. CELESTE There’s a nude mural of you on the corner of 86th Street. BETH That’s. BETH KISS & SECRETARIES Ah AAAAAHHHHHHH! CELESTE THAT’S ENOUGH! Everyone turns to see a red-faced Celeste standing behind them. can we start somewhere else? CELESTE Why don’t you explain why you left Mr.. CELESTE’S OFFICE .. well. CELESTE In my office.. Now. KISS & SECRETARIES Cause me and the boys will be playing.. Oh God..69. Start there.

BETH’S OFFICE .. CELESTE I’m handing your Picasso exhibit over to Renee. . Right. I promise you. erratic these past few days. But I can handle this. Please. You’re in hell and I just put your feet a little closer to the fire. CELESTE And Beth? (beat) Pull yourself together. Beth..70. CELESTE (finally) If this show goes anything less than perfect I’ll see to it that the only ‘artwork’ you’re ever allowed near are the velvet Elvis paintings for sale in Times Square. Thank you.... BETH Beth nods and turns for the door. Don’t take my show away. She sets down a bottle of aspirin and a cup of black coffee. I know I’ve been a little.DAY Stacy steps inside to find Beth with her head in her hands. BETH (stopping) What? You can’t do that! CELESTE You’ve been too unstable since you returned from Rome. INT.. BETH CELESTE Don’t thank me. And The Circle of Gold determines our future-BETH Look. A LONG BEAT as Celeste searches her face.

. Just make sure he gets on his bus at 3:30. BETH Very funny. STACY Did you know that your jawbone in the hardest bone in your body? That kid is really interesting. (then) Oh hiiii. (picking up) What? INTER-CUT WITH NICK Sitting at his desk and holding a photo of Beth’s mural. actually.71. okay? Beth pops some aspirin as the telephone RINGS.. BETH I really hate you sometimes. STACY (picking up) Beth Martin’s office. One minute. NICK I didn’t peg you for a Kiss fan.. Beth violently waves him off.. We’re running a story on this mural someone painted on 86th Street. STACY Sure she’s available.. Stacy puts him on hold and grins.. BETH Where is he? STACY Watching “Regis” in the break room. So who is he anyhow? Is it one of those Big Brother programs? BETH Long story. What do you want? NICK I’m calling on business. . Nick.

it’s extortion. BETH That’s blackmail.. NICK They’re calling her The Naked Lady of New York. BETH You’re a dick. I thought I’d get your expert opinion. really. NICK The Life section could really use a human interest story like this... in exchange for dinner tonight.. BETH (freezing) Oh. NICK Actually.. I swear. outside your office. you know that? NICK Yeah.? NICK You must have seen it. It’s right NICK I guess I could scrap the story. BETH I guess I missed it. I made reservations for eight at a place called Blackout on Bleeker.... She’s causing quite a sensation.. Maybe put your photo in the paper alongside it.. I’ve got the most important show of my life tomorrow night-NICK I can’t wait to hear about it.... but I’m a dick with a date.72. BETH Look. BETH I’ll lose my job. .. BETH (giving in) Please don’t write anything.

NICK It’s the latest thing. She hangs up. We can hear the quiet din of people. Beth gives him a puzzled look as a jovial WAITER steps out through the black curtains wearing NIGHT VISION GOGGLES. an exuberant. DISSOLVE TO: INT.. This is DEVON.73. NICK This is where we order. NICK You look beautiful. BETH This is the restaurant? No. DEVON Hiiiiee! My name is Devon and I’ll be your sensory guide this evening! What? BETH DEVON Tonight you will be enjoying a delicious gourmet meal without your primary sense of sight! In this way your other senses will become heightened to bring you an exciting new culinary experience! NICK It’s called “Dark Dining. dimly lit bar to find Nick waiting for her with a mischievous smile on his face... BETH I’m the Naked Lady of New York. BLACKOUT ON BLEEKER .” BETH You gotta be kidding me. out of work stage actor. A BEAT.NIGHT Beth steps into a small. but he’s the only one we see. DEVON Have you made your selection? ..

’ DEVON Here we are! NIGHT VISION POV . DEVON Excellent! Now. My Dinner With Andre meets The Blair Witch Project.. and your hand on hers.as they are guided to their seats. just raise your hand and one of our attendants will assist you. (to Beth) I always wanted to do that... BETH I’m allergic to shellfish. NICK I’ll have the prime rib. Remember. INT.. Soft music and hushed conversation. order for my date like in an old movie. She puts her hand on the waiter’s shoulder and Nick puts his hand on hers as they slip through the curtains. I’ll lead you to your table.74. If you need anything. DEVON I’ll be right back with your wine. BETH Maybe we should go get pizza? NICK Afraid of something new? That does it. But we can see you! Imagine . you can’t see us. BETH This is really. And the lady will have the lobster.NIGHT It’s completely dark. if you’ll put your hand on my shoulder. Great? NICK BETH I was gonna say ‘creepy. BLACKOUT ON BLEEKER . NICK Make that two prime ribs.

Sorry. DEVON You mean that you haven’t seen! BETH (jumping) Ahhh! Don’t do that! We hear him pouring the wine. this is different.. A BEAT. Nick. .75. Okay. BETH We could be eating in a condemned crackhouse and not even know it. THUD. BETH That was my forehead. NICK You mean that naked murals aren’t a part of your usual routine? NICK NICK To new adventures.. NICK Try the bread. Enjoy. CLINK. DEVON Your wine is in front of you at two o’clock. Here. BETH There’s bread? This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen... BETH I’m kind of up to my ass in different these days. A toast. NICK You gotta admit.. NICK I think he’s gone....

. NICK And to be honest I’m a little confused about the lesbian thing..? BETH NICK So what’s his name? Who? Your son? BETH NICK BETH What are you talking about? NICK That wasn’t your son you were holding hands with this morning? BETH So you’re spying on me now? No. NICK (beat) Someone was doing it for me. I mean.. I was desperate. BETH I’m not. BETH Yeah.. But all I got out of it was more questions. BETH I’ll bet you are.. Look. NICK But I’m cool with that. about that. You wouldn’t see me and I wanted answers... Okay. Like who’s the magician? And the Italian? And the old man? Suddenly: .. NICK And I love kids...76.

You’re in the wrong forest. NICK And then Nick looks to see... my watch is missing... GORGEOUS GUY.. ANTONIO I think it’s time you tell him about us.. Principessa. Beth is gone. EXT.hi. SVEN Who are you callin’ old? NICK Who was that? BETH Oh god. LANCE And speaking of time..NIGHT Where we see Beth desperately trying to hail a cab.ANTONIO... OLIVER and LANCE around their table! .77.. . NICK Okay. that’s it! Nick suddenly flicks his lighter to reveal -. BETH He does that. SVEN. NICK Who does that? VOICE Waiter! These people are ruining the sensory experience for us! GORGEOUS GUY Nobody can see me in here and I look really hot tonight.... they’re here. JIMMY SUE. NICK Hey. I know.. JIMMY SUE You’re not just barking up the wrong tree. STREET .

but this is more like an octagon.78. Take NICK It’s good to know not every man in New York is in love with you. You! BETH CABBIE BETH I promise I won’t say a word! any route uptown you want! The Cabbie drives off as Nick steps over.. I’ve heard of a love triangle.. BETH Very funny. Beth! NICK Wait! BETH I held up my end of the bargain! And now I’m going home! A cab pulls up.. and women. .. TAXI! BETH Nick runs out of the restaurant. but when the Cabbie looks over we see it’s the same Cabbie that drove Beth home from the airport... BETH I just have a way with men.. NICK Who were those people? BETH Just a few of my admirers. NICK Am I under your spell too? Beth allows a little smile.... And me.. and small children.. NICK It’s more like a cult. Oh crap.

RAY’S PIZZA . Nick grins.79. STREET . And it’s up to you to decide who it is. But that the one could be anybody..and so she just left. I guess. all of the possibilities. NICK Wasn’t meant to be I guess. to look into someone’s eyes and say “You’re the one.... NICK . To find herself.NIGHT As they walk together on a perfect New York night. BETH How do you know that? What if she was the one and now she’s gone? NICK I don’t believe that there’s only one right person for you. NICK So what do we do now? EXT..” Not because fate deems it so.. BETH That’s so sad. BETH Are you kidding me? What could be more romantic than that? EXT.. I still get postcards from time to time... BETH Maybe you are.. . With all of the people in the world. NICK The idea that “the one” isn’t out there waiting to be discovered. Well... but because you do.NIGHT We join Beth and Nick in mid-conversation as they tear into a couple of slices at this venerable New York institution. I just don’t think it’s very romantic.

They slow to a stop. GUGGENHEIM . SECURITY GUARD Evening. NICK . Beth swoons.. BETH Not tonight. NICK (CONT’D) I think that’s pretty romantic. Hi Henry. She starts to pull away. It’s late. And besides. Beth looks into his eyes. Me too. The Guard raises an eyebrow. before: Come on.80.. BETH And then: BETH NICK It’s not that late. BETH INT. it’s your turn in the confessional. like she always does. Miss Martin.NIGHT Beth steps inside as the Security Guard waves her through. Hi Henry. BETH SECURITY GUARD Working late again? And then Nick steps in behind her. when: NICK (CONT’D) I just want to know you. They’re very close. searching.

GUGGENHEIM . But Picasso documented his passion by hiding her initials in his paintings. She was 17 years old when Picasso fell in love with her. silver glow.. but I think it reminded him too much of the past. BETH Her name was Marie-Thérèse Walter. Until... They slip into the museum as the Guard smiles.... Yeah. INT... eventually. BETH I used to come here with my parents when I was little. Beth hits the switch as THE WOMAN WITH YELLOW HAIR is lit up. just the two of us. Wow. we just stopped going altogether.. See it here? She points to a hidden monogram in the paint. My father used to tell me that the roof was made out of glass so that God could see the paintings from up in heaven. so they kept their affair a secret. masked in shadows.. I thought this place was magic. Picasso was already married and 30 years her senior. My father took me back a few times... SECURITY GUARD I’ll be damned. ... NICK BETH NICK Tell me about her. illuminating them in an ethereal.MOMENT LATER Beth walks Nick up the spiral ramp as moonlight beams through the skylight. They pass the other exhibits. BETH (CONT’D) But then my parents went through a brutal divorce... And that was the end of our family trips to the Guggenheim.81.

.) Shaddup. right? To cry over somebody you’ve never even met? He touches her cheek as she closes her eyes. Long.. Olga. INT. And she hung herself after his death. lingering. NICK’S APARTMENT .. A tear falls. BETH I’m sorry. NICK Hey. yeah. And he seemed intent on turning them into one or the other. He left Marie for Dora Maar. EXT. NICK’S APARTMENT . romantic. doing a bizarre Lloyd Dobler impersonation as he cries out: ANTONIO PRINCIPESSA! SVEN (O..NIGHT Where we find Antonio holding a big BOOM BOX over his head.82.. And as their passion grows we hear something peculiar coming from outside in the street: the Peter Gabriel song IN YOUR EYES -. Nick gently brushes it away. for Marie.in Italian. Their lips meet as they finally kiss.S.. just like he left his wife. BETH (CONT’D) Picasso said there were two kinds of women: Goddesses and Doormats...NIGHT Where Beth and Nick are still kissing.. BETH It’s crazy. But Marie never stopped loving Picasso. NICK It’s okay. As Beth looks back to the painting we see tears in her eyes. BETH But what Marie didn’t realize is that Picasso’s art was dependent on his muse. Meatball! ..

GORGEOUS GUY Did you see how flabby his pecs are? Lance magically pushes a lit cigarette through his palm. Oliver. Jimmy Sue. But de time drastic measures. They look up as we PUSH IN to Nick’s bedroom window. SVEN De only way any of us is gonna get a shot now. Lance. die alone. SVEN Ya want her to think yer desperate? ANTONIO I am desperate! OLIVER She’s so much smarter than he is.as Antonio steps over to where Sven.83. is if we work together to get dat guy outta de picture. LANCE You mean team up? With you? ANTONIO Never! piss in yer ear if fire. and Gorgeous Guy all sit sulking on the steps. It’s big boy rules. yah? SVEN Look.. . WIDER . I wouldn’t yer brain was on has come to take Live together or JIMMY SUE Sven’s right. LANCE Where’s the mystery? ANTONIO Where’s the beauty? The magic? The romance? SVEN What about the finer things in life? JIMMY SUE What’s he got that I ain’t got? They all just look at her..

. Busted.. Wow. BETH We INTER-CUT with Stacy. at her desk. Hey. NICK Beth laughs. BETH I need to check my vitals.. ringing immediately. backlit in the morning sun in her bra and panties. She kisses him and takes her Blackberry into the other room. No alarm clock. NICK Your vitals are perfect. IN THE LIVING ROOM Beth turns on her Blackberry and it lights up like a pinball machine. Beth sighs and picks up: Hi Stacy. At first there’s a look of panic. She grins..MORNING Beth’s eyes blink open to see she’s laying in Nick’s arms. feeling as beautiful as she looks. SVEN Enjoy yourself der. no wake-up call-STACY Do you know what time it is? . He puts his hand over his heart. until Nick’s hand reaches over and stops her.. erotic night of unprotected sleep. but then she starts to smile... Romeo. Cuz after tonight the gloves are off! DISSOLVE TO: INT. NICK’S APARTMENT . breathless.. She reaches for her Blackberry on the bedside table. NICK She stops and looks to him. frantic.84. Beth! STACY Where have you been? BETH I had the most amazing.

She slips on her pants as she hops around the room on one foot. BETH Beth puts on her shoes as Nick studies her.. NICK Everything okay? Fine. . She freezes at what she finds. BETH You’re the one who’s always telling me to slow down and take it -(seeing the clock) Holy shit that can’t be right! STACY You need to get down here STAT! Beth hangs up and starts grabbing her clothes from around the room. BETH That’s okay. NICK You don’t look fine. NICK I’ll give you a ride.. NICK It’s no big deal-No. NICK (O. Hey.85. right down to the LOGO on the back.S. BETH I should go alone. She picks one up and turns it over. the remnants of last night’s passion.. A sad smile. Hang on.. It’s the exact same as the one she took from the fountain.) She sets the chip down as she turns around.. BETH I have to get ready for the show. BLUE POKER CHIPS In a pile beside a deck of cards.. then grabs a sock off of the table. BETH Of course.

... (quietly) Because it’s not real. BETH Did I do Tries to stay strong. NICK What’s wrong with that? BETH Everything... No. NICK’S APARTMENT . something wrong? She stops and looks back.86.. She grabs her purse and coat off of the table.. I need to focus on what’s real right now. NICK I don’t understand. Or why you can’t stop thinking about me. ‘Real?’ NICK BETH I gotta go.. BETH I know.... You’ll never understand why you’re so crazy about me. She walks out the door. Beth? NICK EXT... NICK What am I missing here. NICK What’s wrong? BETH I just need to work. And you never will. (then) I did.DAY As Nick follows her outside in his boxer shorts.

..SAME Beth looks out the window as she allows herself to cry. LANCE At the moment.. NICK Hey. you’re Beth’s friend. BETH Please don’t. .. NICK That’s my apartment key.. NICK’S APARTMENT .... Lance makes the key vanish into thin air.. BETH And only now does he see the tears in her eyes. NICK Why do you keep saying that? Look. TAXI ..87.... NICK Beth. I love-Don’t! He stops. INT. LANCE Magic is all about misdirection. But after tonight I will unlock the key to her heart. I know what I feel.. If you have any decent feelings for me at all. wondering how everything could have fallen apart so quickly.. I go the other. You look one way. Lance reveals he’s holding a key.. She gets into the cab and drives off as Nick looks on. It’s locked. NICK You gotta be kidding me! Nick turns to see Lance watching from the sidewalk. She flags a taxi cab.SAME As Nick tugs on the door to his apartment. EXT.

NICK What do you think you’re. Thanks.that Nick’s key is laying in his hands. Mind Freak. NICK But then he realizes that his wrists are handcuffed together. What.. grips Nick’s wrists and shakes them before taking the handkerchief away to reveal -. And I will make the key reappear.. Lance makes the key reappear and jump from hand to hand... Thank you. NICK (CONT’D) . NICK What are you doing? Take ‘em off! LANCE Sorry.. LANCE NICK (shaking it off) Gimme the key. LANCE Hold your hands together. Nick eyes him suspiciously before he holds out his hands.. Oliver has taken his place! NICK God. ‘We?’ NICK Lance holds up a SHEET to cover himself. that is so cool..88.? NICK LANCE Just be glad that you’re not underwater and locked inside of a safe.. palms up.. . Lance places a black handkerchief over them. Trust me. But tonight is my chance to prove my love for Beth.man that’s really good.. He wiggles it for a moment before it drops to reveal. It’s no fun. And for that we needed you out of the way.

. like. two CONSTRUCTION WORKERS stop their job and turn to investigate. what are you--? Oliver lets loose with a PIERCING whistle. I can’t just drop everything and fly back to Rome.. JOAN Beth! It’s me! Listen... Oliver raises a silver WHISTLE to his lips. Hey kid! CONSTRUCTION WORKER #1 You okay? OLIVER STRANGER DANGER! What? NICK OLIVER STRANGER DANGER! The Construction Workers growl and march towards Nick. She said if you return the coins to their owners you’ll return the love as well. INT.. NICK Hey. and she said the only way to break the spell is to return the coins-BETH I told you. walking down the Spanish Steps.DAY Beth hurries to the phone with a towel wrapped around her.. kid.. Neighbors come to their windows. Umberto talked to his Nana. pedestrians stop and stare. JOAN You don’t need to. Mr. We CLOSE ON Nick’s reaction as we hear a TELEPHONE RINGING. three hundred years old. BETH’S APARTMENT .89.. OLIVER Sorry about this.. Beamon. And they all see a little boy with a man in boxer shorts and handcuffs. who is. Nick? BETH INTER-CUT with Joan. ..

. middle-aged man. BETH’S APARTMENT . . BETH EXT.. I woke up one morning to find out she’d sold our minivan and bought a Harley.AFTERNOON Beth steps outside wearing a magnificent gown for the big Circle of Gold event. LARRY I’m Larry Muncey. Jimmy Sue? BETH LARRY There was no “Jimmy” until last week. BETH Beth picks out the blue poker chip.great. Except without the buzz cut and leathers.? BETH LARRY MUNCEY. .90. BETH Give them back their coins.. Isn’t that great? Yeah. She hurries down the steps when: VOICE Beth Martin? She turns to see a balding. (beat) Susan’s husband.. She left a note saying that she was coming to New York to find a Beth Martin.. middle-aged housewife. JOAN And you’ll be rid of them forever... BETH Who’s Susan? Larry pulls a photograph from his wallet and hands it to her to reveal -. Yeah.Jimmy Sue. Beth can’t get over how different she looks in the photo. She looks like a normal..

.. JIMMY SUE I knew you’d come around.. LARRY I don’t know what you’ve done to her. SUSAN What happened to my hair? . Careful. Susan. And you will. She grins when she sees Beth step through the bar. Jimmy Sue drops her cue and steadies herself against the pool table. BETH LARRY Can you help me? She looks to Larry’s pleading face before: BETH Let’s go get your wife... Suddenly..91..what’s going on? She touches her hair and freezes.. You wished that you and your husband would have a long and happy life together.EARLY EVENING Where Jimmy Sue is playing a game of billiards with a few other tough-looking chicks. INT. BETH I have something for you..? Please. But I want my wife back. I promise you. woefully out of place in her gown. And the kids miss their mother.. BETH JIMMY SUE/SUSAN (voice changing) What’s.. Kids.. Beth places the dime in her hand. Beth takes out a dime. GLORIA HOLE . BETH (CONT’D) You tossed this into a fountain in Rome two years ago.

A GUARD steps over. They all stare at Nick.. LARRY Let’s get you home. honey.DAY Where Nick. butch woman grinning back at her. SUSAN What? What’s going on? Where am I? I wanna go home! Where’s Larry? LARRY (O. BIKER CHICK Someone’s single.. JAIL CELL . as he sits in his boxers and handcuffs. Actually quite girlish now.. Larry steps around the corner. Larry. SUSAN Oh.. sobbing: SUSAN What happened to me? I’m hideous! LARRY You look beautiful. Larry takes his wife out of the bar as Beth smiles. sporting a black eye.92.. SUSAN What did I do? It’s all gone! When did I cut my hair off? BETH Right when you got the tatoo. . Then she looks over to see a huge. Susan starts to cry..S. Larry! SUSAN Susan runs into his arms. Beamon? GUARD You made bail.. C’mon.) I’m right here. sits with two drunks and a crazy person. afraid of him. Beth high-tails it out the door.. You always look beautiful to me. INT.

a blue-haired society lady who seems more interested in the liquor selection than the art. MR. WORTHINGTON. INT. We see Celeste trying her best to make sure that everyone is being catered to..MINUTES LATER Nick.. this is boring. PUCK This cost me my Britney Spears Bungalow Eight Beaver shot money. easy come easy go.. PUCK Ah... and his three bored children. EXT. So whataya gonna do now? NICK I’m gonna stop these guys from ruining Beth’s show. RUSSELL.. and ZOE.EARLY EVENING A small string orchestra plays as the most coveted patrons in the Guggenheim’s history begin to file into the atrium. MR. ZOE HUNT I’m missing Idol. BEAKS. GUGGENHEIM . all family money and draped in dazzling antique jewelry... PHILIPE. clothing magnate and his handsome partner. CESTER.93. But so far the reactions to the exhibits range from disinterested to downright hostile. rubbing his sore wrists and wearing an over-sized Knicks sweat suit. There’s MRS. ... MS. Hunts. a compact. Puck. RANDY. a gay.. RUSSELL HUNT How long do we have to say? RANDY HUNT (playing his Game Boy) Yeah. steps out of the station with Puck. I’m always just a celebritard away from a new Porsche. JAIL CELL . HUNT. MR. NICK I really appreciate this... FORD.. Trump-like real estate mogul. and MR. HUNT Zip it. Daddy donates an ass load of money to this place and he wants to see where it’s going.. a crude Texas oil billionaire..

MRS. CELESTE Mr. Stuff. And at a hundred grand fer one song they’d better be in tune! Sven hangs up as he looks up to see Celeste.. holding her high heels in one hand and her purse in the other. Celeste grabs Stacy as she passes.. Cester bitching to his boyfriend.94. Welcome to the Circle of Gold. CELESTE Where is she? EXT. Because it’s not here on the floor.SAME As we see Sven on his cell phone. WORTHINGTON Into the artist’s pocket. MR... FORD Not like the MOMA show.. SVEN I wouldn’t miss it for the world.. BEAKS That’s why MOMA’s in the black. Ms. GUGGENHEIM . Even this Bellini tastes like last year.. STREET . SVEN . Ford sips her (third) martini. I got de cashier’s check.yeah. Griffin. INT. getting tipsy: MS. MR. We see Mr.... evidently.. yeah. PHILIPE Stop being such a queen.. So glad you could come. Old. Ms. CUT TO: . CESTER Same.SAME As we see Beth running barefoot down Fifth Avenue. Larsen.

LANCE wearing a tuxedo t-shirt at the check-in desk. but I don’t see your name on the list. Mr. please? The Hostess looks down at her clipboard. HOSTESS I’m sorry but I don’t see anything listed under Lance or Black-She looks up to see Lance is gone. by de way.to reveal Sven stepping over. Blackstone.) Well well well. LANCE Could you check again. HOSTESS I’m sorry. WAITRESS Shrimp puff? . as we see Lance is already past her at the bar.. SVEN The Dis-illusionist.S. SVEN Nice tux. LANCE The Mummy returns. LANCE Mystery is the only currency I need. old man. searching. LANCE Your money is no match for what I’ve got up my sleeve.. The Hostess looks around. SVEN (O.95. WIDER . SVEN Ya know what de difference is between a mutual fund and a magician? A mutual fund matures and makes money over time. SVEN If it’s a fight ya want--! A waitress walks by with a plate full of hors d’oeuvres.. Real class. mystified..

SVEN I could eat. ANTONIO Sorry. CUT TO: ANTONIO .. Beth opens her purse and pulls out the coins... And just as he passes by Antonio sticks his foot out and trips him up.. OLIVER CUT TO: Beth as she runs into the Guggenheim entrance. baffled: LANCE . capiche? Oliver suddenly reaches into his backpack and whips out a PAINTBALL GUN as he opens fire! Antonio screams as he is peppered with paint balls until he DIVES behind a cubicle. coming down the hall with his backpack. Capiche.sneaking down the hallway of the Guggenheim offices with his sketchbook. But all’s fair in love and war. She hurries off as Stacy reacts. We hear FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING as he ducks behind a desk and peeks over to see.. STACY (running over) Beth! BETH How bad is it? STACY It’s like Shark Week up there.. BETH I figured they’d show up... BETH (CONT’D) But this time I’m ready. Me too. And your ‘guests’ aren’t helping. my miniature friend. Oliver tumbles to the carpet as Antonio hops to his feet. OLIVER. They dig in as we.96. winded.

And who are these bizarre friends of yours? She looks to see Lance and Antonio in a shoving match. Sees a difference in her... The Woman With Yellow Hair is illuminated under a pool of light. sending the coins sailing through the air in SLOW-MOTION! The seven coins go sprawling across the floor as Beth sees. guys.. BETH You know what? It was. STACY With a dollar in change? CUT TO: The TOP LEVEL of the Guggenheim where Beth’s exhibit is waiting.rolling down the ramp of the spiral walkway! . Beth steps over to Celeste who is staring daggers her way. BETH (CONT’D) How’s the show going? CELESTE Like rearranging patio furniture on the Titanic... I hope it was worth it. Seven more etchings are in shadow around it.97. NEW ANGLE As Beth marches over to them with coins in hand. CELESTE Where in the hell have you been? BETH I had to help out a friend. CELESTE Well. Celeste gives Beth a look.. BETH They were just leaving. BETH Okay. Time to-But then Lance shoves Antonio right into Beth. THE POKER CHIP .

You truly are a vision of loveliness. by now on her fifth martini. . I must paint you. picking up a quarter.. ANTONIO Buona serra. Meatball! (to Mrs.98. Beaks) Good evening. it is so pale. The veins of your arms as blue as the highlights in your hair. blinks.. and steps over to her. CELESTE Where are you going? BETH I’ll be right back! CELESTE For God’s sake! Let it go! But she can’t let it go. then snaps into place. Oh dear. SVEN Move it der.. BEAKS CUT TO: The most bizarre sight: Beth running after that rolling POKER CHIP as it circles past the fifth level. I must capture this. MRS. Beaks pick up the SILVER DOLLAR and the LIRE PIECE.. Antonio suddenly stops. No! BETH Beth takes off running after the poker chip. Antonio takes her hand and kisses it lovingly. Mrs. sees it bends backwards.. CUT TO: Ms.. Ford. ANTONIO Your skin. MRS. Beth disappears down the ramp as we see Mrs... bella. BEAKS I don’t speak Mexican. Beaks. She feels it. Sven suddenly bumps Antonio right out of the way.

. Chris? MR. He waves his hand and the quarter disappears. CUT TO: Beth kicking off her high heels as she runs down the fourth level. CESTER PHILIPE What are you staring at... shirtless. MR. Cester picking up a nickel from the ground as: GORGEOUS GUY (O. FORD I had my gallbladder removed once. Philipe. CUT TO: Mr. They turn to see the Gorgeous Guy. MS... GORGEOUS GUY I got an eight-pack.99. FORD LANCE I’m in the market for a lovely magician’s assistant. discreet. Lance puts his finger right over her lips.) Check it out..S. Oh my. But the poker chip has gained momentum too. Tell me. Erotic. CESTER Same thing you are. have you ever been sawed in half? MS... Oh my.. . FORD This quarter’s made of rubber... MS.. LANCE (suddenly appearing) Shhhh. LANCE (CONT’D) One has to be.. LANCE (CONT’D) A magician never tells his secrets.. shimmering.

. Hi.... catching the poker chip like a wide receiver pulling in a touchdown pass! She lands hard on the museum floor. OLIVER ZOE Oliver steps up and smiles. Muncey and Philipe. Gorgeous Guy is showing off his ass to Mr. Lance does magic for the Hunts as a drunken Ms. Mr.100... while Oliver displays his chewing gum sculpture to Zoe Hunt. He grins. NICK. Beaks is smothered in affection between Antonio and Sven. Mrs. CUT TO: Beth as she dives across the atrium. He stares down at her as she offers up a weak smile.. CUT TO: Beth on the second level now and gaining. Hello. Ford acts as his frisky magician’s assistant. Hi. WORTHINGTON What the hell is going on here? . to make room for your heart? Really? ZOE OLIVER Think I need to make more room. Zoe smiles. Hunt sees it too.. Worthington. He glares back at Celeste.. sliding right before. The only one not happy is the humorless (and coin-less) Mr. BETH SMASH CUT TO: The top level of the Guggenheim where we see nearly everyone is in the middle of a big LOVE-IN. MR. OLIVER Did you know that your left lung is smaller than your right lung.. CUT TO: Zoe Hunt picking up the penny.

But for Picasso.. Beth takes a deep breath before: BETH Welcome to The Art of the Muse. MS. WORTHINGTON Is this you. I. Worthington looks incredulously at the sketches of Beth taking a bath. Beth’s library card photo. CELESTE (flustered) I.. MR. Everyone turns to Beth... FORD It is like the mural outside... You can do this.. Beth jogging... BEAKS It looks like the mural outside. the muse was art itself.) I can explain. BETH (O... MR. in the exhibit. RUSSELL HUNT This one is her. Beth hits the lights to reveal the sketches that surround The Woman With Yellow Hair.. Oh no. STACY You’re the Naked Lady of New York? Russell Hunt points to Oliver’s sculpture. too! RANDY HUNT Is that chewing gum? CELESTE You put yourself. She looks to Nick who gives her a nod. ..S. But instead of the Vollard etchings she was expecting.. BETH Mr.? MRS.. we reveal Antonio’s sketchings of Beth.101. HUNT What kinda art is that? BETH The muse is the source of the artist’s inspiration....

Ford winks at Lance. The same way that some of you are feeling right now... we hear the string orchestra change their tune. But this isn’t on the radio. Yes I did. Mr. In the b. BETH The Guggenheim believes the audience shouldn’t be separated from the art. And then Beth takes down the sketches of herself to reveal... Frank Lloyd Wright’s dramatic design was created to make art inclusive. Ford) You don’t get this at MOMA. Mrs. People look over to see.102... and we can’t quite find the souuuund! MRS. Adored. KISS Me and the boys are playing. I hear you calling.... .. Cester and Philipe stare admiringly at Gorgeous Guy...S. Zoe takes Oliver’s hand... Ms. BEAKS (aside to Ms.. KISS Walking up the spiral ramp in full demon make-up! CELESTE I’ve died and gone to hell. the Picasso Vollard etchings underneath... Beth breathes a sigh of relief as the audience GASPS at their beauty. A LONG BEAT. WORTHINGTON Beth searches their faces before: BETH This week I was fortunate to feel something I’ve never felt before.) Beth...g. But why? BETH MR.. But I can’t come home right now.. And something about it is more than a little familiar: KISS (O.. Beaks cuddles between Sven and Antonio...

I hate that song! I’ve hated that song since grade school! (to Kiss) No offense. that’s enough..103. Kiss steps up to Beth. KISS I think I hear them calling. He starts to smile. Mrs.. Mr. KISS Just a few more hours.. KISS Beth what can I do? Stop it! BETH Kiss stops before the stunned art crowd. Oh Beth what I can I do? BETH Okay... We are all muses. BETH We are all a work of art in our own way. towering over her.. PAUL STANLEY Who’s got the cashier’s check? SVEN That’s me. BETH And it’s through the generous contributions of people like you that this experience is possible. And then Ms... GENE SIMMONS None taken.. Sven pays the band as Beth turns to her stunned audience. So do the Hunts. Ford begins to clap. . And I’ll be back home to you. Cester and Philipe. Until only Worthington is left.. Beaks joins in. SVEN I thought you loved that song? BETH No... A LONG BEAT. And then he begins to laugh as he joins in the applause.

I’m discreet! What.. WORTHINGTON Beth smiles and nods her thanks before whispering to Stacy: BETH Get the coins. BEAKS You were actually a part of the exhibition! It’s brilliant! MS... BEAKS Hold on to that girl. Stacy gives a puzzled look as we go to. GUGGENHEIM . But while they’re all beaming with the blush of romance.. MR.ATRIUM . She’s fearless! Beth looks to the suitors. Bravo! MR.LATER As our patrons are leaving. Lance..COINS As Beth slides them safely back into her pocket. you can count on us to help bring in the next year of the Guggenheim with style. INT.. overwhelmed at what they’ve done. BETH You saved my butt you know that? We did? SVEN . CLOSE ON . our suitors look very confused. MRS.. Celeste. WORTHINGTON Celeste. FORD You’ve got my number.? LANCE MR.. HUNT Best damn art show I’ve ever seen! RUSSELL HUNT Can we come again tomorrow? MRS. Remember.104.

. Beth holds out her hand.? BETH Nick looks back... She wants to say something.. before she turns to see... STACY Yeah. A gift! ANTONIO I can’t wait! SVEN ‘Til tomorrow my sweet! They all file out the door before Beth turns to Nick. What? STACY Then Stacy drops the coin in her hand.105. NICK Looks like you didn’t need my help after all. . get between the toes.. And I’ll have something for each of you. that’s it.. what can she say? Nick nods and walks out the door. STACY Getting a foot massage from the Gorgeous Guy. Que fah? ANTONIO OLIVER What just happened? BETH I’ll explain it all later.. heartbroken. Beth sighs. He turns to leave.. Nick. The Gorgeous Guy drops her feet with a heavy THUNK onto the floor. LANCE When can we see you again? BETH Tomorrow. right there... But in the end.

. Beth puts the quarter into his hand. BETH You have a real gift. I think it’s time that you found a new magician’s assistant. He turns back to Beth as we see his adoration for her literally draining away. BETH I’m guessing this is yours. LANCE It’s all because of my lovely magician’s assistant. BETH Well.106. then blows on it as it snaps back into place. WASHINGTON SQUARE .DAY As we see Lance remove his thumb from his hand..to reveal Beth is walking at his side. Lance makes a business card appear out of thin air. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. It’s all about misdirection. . The children scream and clap as he returns the thumb to his hand and bows. Beth holds up the TRICK QUARTER. LANCE See you next weekend. all alone. LANCE Your breasts are flat. Lance’s knees wobble as he steadies himself against a park bench. as we. kids! WIDER . She sits down on a bench. What? BETH LANCE A magician’s assistant needs to have large breasts. STACY Ouch! Hey! You didn’t do the other foot! Hey come back! Stacy chases him out the door as we leave Beth alone in the atrium... I’m sorry. Lance. Beth takes a bite out of the coin.

. I threw a coin just like that into a fountain and wished I could meet somebody as awesome as I am.107. EXT.. .. Daaaaaamn! EXT. I think I’m going to miss you least of all. CONSTRUCTION SITE .DAY Beth is holding out a coin for the Gorgeous Guy. STREET .DAY Where Oliver and Beth walk hand in hand towards his bus.. But you have to do your part... OLIVER So you won’t be angry if I iChat with Zoe Hunt? BETH You’d be foolish not to... The Gorgeous Guy blinks dumbly for a beat before spotting his reflection in a window. GORGEOUS GUY OLIVER I’ll miss being in love with you.. They reach the bus. GORGEOUS GUY What’s that? BETH It’s a going away present. BETH You know. She presses the coin into his hands.. LANCE Call me if you get a boob job. Lance hands her the card and walks off as Beth looks on. GORGEOUS GUY I remember when I was in Rome. Beth brushes hair out of his eyes. BETH (kisses his cheek) I’ll miss it too.

.108. EXT. you know that feeling you get when you’re in love? Like somebody is sitting on your chest? And like there’s cotton in your ears? But in a really good way? Yeah.. He smiles and starts to get on the bus when: OLIVER Hey... When I stood at that fountain in Rome. I didn’t wish for my wife back..SILVER DOLLAR As it turns in an old man’s fingers. They stop on the sidewalk. The bus doors close as Beth smiles sadly. OLIVER Because it’s awesome. We PULL BACK to reveal Beth and Sven holding hands. facing each other. Some of ‘em good. BETH OLIVER Does that ever go away? BETH Not really. I was married for fiftytwo years. Beth smiles. SVEN Ya know. Yeah. .. SVEN But even the bad times with her were better than the best times alone. BETH It is. I knew that could never happen. walking down the busy sidewalk..AFTERNOON CLOSE ON .. A SAXOPHONE PLAYER plays a sad melody on the corner. I wished for one more chance to feel the way I did when we were together. TIMES SQUARE . Good.

as if for the first time. bella. Beth takes out the Italian lire piece. Antonio smiles... ANTONIO Her name is Angelita. ANTONIO I will never forget you.. I will paint you another... but I was afraid to tell her how I felt. You were with a beautiful girl. Someone back home..DAY As Beth and Antonio stand before the giant NUDE MURAL OF BETH that Antonio created.. so I made a wish to find the right words. bella... BETH I saw you at the Fontana d’Amore the night I took this coin.. pleased. BETH There’s someone else you should be painting. I love her very much. . SVEN Thanks for making my wish come true. She places the lire piece in his hands.. EXT. Even bigger. (kissing her cheek) Ciao.. principessa. ANTONIO Do not be sad. She must have meant nothing to me. Antonio blinks as he looks at her. now being painted over by city workers... They embrace as we lose them amongst the crowd.. ANTONIO I do not remember. A BEAT. BETH I think she meant everything.109.. BETH The words you chose for me were the most beautiful I’ve ever heard. FIFTH AVENUE .

GUGGENHEIM . They’re like my children. Celeste gives a soft smile. BETH Good-bye. remembering.. take care of them. the competition grows. Psycho.. CELESTE (CONT’D) I used to come and visit her every night. CELESTE (CONT’D) And that’s why I’m resigning. when: CELESTE (O. but now I have to let go.110. Her sanctuary. too. Antonio walks off as we CLOSE ON Beth’s sad smile.. I bring them up.. BETH Me? But I feel like all I’ve ever done is disappoint you. and pretty soon all you think about is filling wall space. CELESTE (CONT’D) But then the budgets tighten. INT.) She’s my favorite. BETH (stopping) What? CELESTE I can’t go on forever. Someone like you.. And each time I could see something new in the painting. let someone else love them. Understands. the pressure builds. I never knew if it was her or me. Beth nods.S... . backlit by the light of the exhibit. Beth looks up to see Celeste sitting before The Woman With Yellow Hair. She looks up to the big glass dome above her and gives a sad little smile.LATE AFTERNOON As Beth steps into the art gallery and up the spiral ramp..

S. if you’ll excuse me. We CLOSE ON Beth’s reaction as she starts to smile. CELESTE Now. You had the passion.. And pick your jaw up off the floor... You just had to stop using your head and start using your heart.. CELESTE You remember Mr... And you have..111.. BETH Who’s the lucky guy? SVEN (O. He gives a little smile at that. Larsen? BETH How could I forget? Celeste takes his arm. BETH I had a little help lately. In a premeditated manner.. Sven winks at Beth as they stroll out. . I’m just running into you.) Ya ready to go der? Beth looks over to see Sven holding flowers. I have a dinner date. NICK’S APARTMENT .NIGHT Nick steps outside to find Beth waiting on his front steps. CELESTE Didn’t you ever wonder why I was so hard on you and not the others? I knew they would never be able to love this place the way that I did. I have been known to date from time to time. NICK So you’re stalking me now? BETH No. A LONG BEAT as they size each other up. EXT.. BETH I have a question for you.

He steps closer.. BETH (CONT’D) I’m afraid of magic and spells. NICK I don’t understand.. BETH I.. NICK BETH If two people are happy together... BETH Not like it is for me. I want you to love me the way I love you.. I did.... . NICK What are you so afraid of. right? What’s the harm in that? NICK What are you talking about? BETH I don’t know anymore... NICK You said you love me. of fountains and wishes. and dreams that come true.. She stops as they both realize... does it really matter? I mean....... didn’t I? Nick nods as he steps closer. NICK It is real.... Okay.. but that happiness is under false pretenses. BETH I just wish it was real.112.. Beth? BETH Everything? And at that Beth begins to cry. they’re happy..

’ NICK Do you believe me? She looks up. JOAN You look hot. And I will always be faithful to you. Gives a sad smile.MORNING Beth is sitting in front of a mirror. Nick.. FADE OUT. And I’m not gonna let it go. You think that doesn’t scare me? I wasn’t looking for this either.. NICK I love you. But it came just the same.. Yeah.. BETH NICK I said I love you. looking gorgeous as Joan does her hair up into beautiful little ringlets. And as they hold each other we see what Beth is carrying in her hand.. I’m not letting us go.. FADE IN: INT. MY SISTER IS HOT! Shh! BETH Stop it! . BETH I do. Always. what she’s been holding behind her back. They look into each other’s eyes. BETH’S HOTEL ROOM . Nick’s poker chip. BETH ‘Faithful. Beth. NICK And I love you too...113.

sis! You’re part of the club now! What club? BETH JOAN The fly by the seat of your pants. I always knew you had it in you. BETH He’s under a spell. I’m proud of you. JOAN C’mon. shout anything you want club! BETH No. Joan kisses her. you are! And I think it’s incredible. I’m not. Jack steps in. JACK There’s my girl! He kisses her cheek. BETH JACK So. what do you think of Kalee? BETH What happened to Tina? JACK Ah. she drove me crazy! All of that bumping and spiking! BETH Can I ask you something? He sits down beside her. JOAN The only spell he’s under is the love he feels for you. . Joan GROANS as she takes Beth’s face in her hands. Don’t be. life is a thrill ride. And as she steps out. JOAN Yes.114. Hi Dad.

..115.. Or maybe you’ll have the greatest love affair the world’s ever known. But you’ll never know unless you try. honey.. But was it worth it? You bet.. Jack looks to Beth. did you ever think you wouldn’t make it? Jack gives a little smile. JACK That’s my girl. You gotta go out there and make your own. JACK BETH When you married Mom. But over time things changed. JACK (CONT’D) You can’t learn from my mistakes.. BETH What if there was no risk? What if there was a guarantee that you’d never get hurt.. (looks off) Was it heartbreaking? Absolutely. He smiles warmly as tears come to her eyes. Maybe you’ll break your heart. JACK (CONT’D) It’s like I always say.. BETH . Understands. your mother and I. we once had a great love affair. Never get left? Jack takes her hand in his. and one day we woke up and realized we weren’t in love anymore. JACK Bethann.. if you’re gonna be a bear. JACK The passion is in the risk. He kisses her forehead..be a grizzly. Of course... .

padre.DAY As we reveal that we’re back in Rome where it all began. PRIEST Is a said that a man ees not complete until he ees a married.. the guilt swelling inside her.. No one else does. with his Italian lover.. PRIEST Alors. Could we move on please? . speakup now or forever hold onto your peaces.. But among them we also reveal.. a marreege ees alike all contracts ah..116.... EXT.. and Sven....... holding hands with Celeste and looking on like proud grandparents. PIAZZA . He’s won her back with Beth’s words of advice. The MUSIC ENDS as they turn to the Priest. They reach Nick before Jack kisses her cheek. being escorted down the aisle.. It’s the same.. leering Priest that married Joan and Umberto. PRIEST Any buddy? Por favore? Beth stares at the Priest. if ees anyone here who has raisins for Beth and Nick not to get married today. that two enter under the eyes of our Gud the father almighty. BETH breathtaking in her bridal gown. funnylooking. After that he ees a finished! The Priest laughs at his joke... Antonio. Beth looks at Nick. PRIEST Could be any buddy. NICK It seems that nobody is objecting. Beth bites her lip. thinking he must somehow know something. Any buddy? A LONG BEAT.. A service has been set up right here in the piazza where we see some familiar friends and family members. that he’s waiting for her to own up.. PRIEST Ah.. you don’t have to know them to speakup.. The WEDDING MARCH begins and everyone turns to see.

Beth? NICK PRIEST Donna rush her! BETH (tiny voice) No. PRIEST Do you.. Pedestrians stare as they see this woman in a wedding dress running through the square. for your awful wedded husband. her guilt consuming her. The Priest is really sweating now as he continues: PRIEST Alors. She hops on one foot as she removes a high heel. To love. Ees very big responsibility. A collective GASP. no? Beth looks into Nick’s eyes. NICK Si.117. take Beth to be your awful wedded wife? Yes. SMASH CUT TO: BETH Running through the piazza where a flock of pigeons scatter in her path. BETH (crying) I’m so sorry. Beth. bella.. I thought I could. Nich-o-las. BETH I can’t. Until death do your part? Think. . then the other. take Nich-o-las.. Nick. do you.the POKER CHIP.. I do. She opens her hand to reveal -. She places it in Nick’s hand and closes his fingers around it. But I can’t do this to you. To honor. She turns and runs out of the palazzo.

. right? But then I looked into your eyes and I knew I couldn’t do that to you anymore. (beat) So I gave you your chip back. The face of Venus gazes down upon us. BETH I’m sorry. Nick looks at her for a moment. He wades out to join her. Beth stops before the fountain and looks up at the Goddess. But none of it was real.. At least. BETH Did you have fun watching my life turn upside down because of love? (quietly) Because I did. EXT..118. BETH Think you’re pretty funny. It almost appears as if she’s smiling. And I thought that made it okay. And all because of that one night in Rome.S. don’t you? Did you enjoy making me crazy? Beth swings her legs over the edge and steps barefoot into the fountain.. Beth sobs as the tears flow. And I desperately wish that it was because it was so real for me. And then he steps into the fountain too. hurting. BETH And now you’re free and I’m the one who’s under a spell. Beth! NICK (O. FONTANA D’AMORE . not for you.. winded.DAY Back to where our story began. Nick opens his hand to look at the poker chip.) Nick reaches the fountain... BETH I gave you your will back. just as she did on that fateful night. We were both happy so what was the harm. Nick. taking her hands.

NICK I never threw a poker chip into the fountain. and tosses it into the water. NICK BETH Then. Beth? Yeah.. Because you showed yourself.. And then they meet in the most romantic kiss you’ve ever seen. Beth stops. Your wish. who did? NICK I have no idea. I fell in love with you right then. But it wasn’t me. And I’m still falling. shrugs.119.. (smiles) Even now.? NICK BETH NICK What the hell are you talking about? BETH The poker chip. Blinks. Beth slowly begins to smile through her tears. And the more I saw. She looks into his eyes as it slowly dawns on her. dancing with joy! . Nick glances at the chip. The real you. DIO MIO! VOICE They both turn to see -. the deeper I fell. BETH It was real? All of it? NICK I saw you standing in this fountain and that was it for me. BETH You didn’t? No..the Priest.

. do you still want to get married? Do you want to take a chance with me? Even with no guarantees? She slips her arms up around his neck...? She gives the most beautiful smile. I’m gonna be freaked out. FADE OUT. NICK Does that mean.... aren’t I? BETH You have no idea. PRIEST Whoo hoo! Grazie dio mio! Bravissimo! Free at last! NICK Later on.. BETH Didn’t you say that at Umberto’s bachelor party... I do... THE END .120... realizing.. kissing knee-deep in the Fountain of Love as we.. BETH The passion is the risk. NICK --the Padre cleaned me out at the poker table. Mama mia! PRIEST Free of temptation! Beth and Nick look back to each other. when I have time to absorb all this.. NICK But all I wanna know now is. BETH They kiss as we PULL BACK from our near newlyweds.

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