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EnErgy & BAlAncE

i find myself increasingly confronted with a luxury problem: too many choices! So many fun projects, beautiful countries to visit, interesting people to meet,filmstosee,bookstoread:itsimpossible to keep up. The more the 24-hour economy (with new media and the internet) goes full steam ahead, the more we have to choose what we do and dont want to watch, know, learn and do. In the past you could always have, see and do more as long as you were fast enough. Now we have to accept that we will never keep up-to-date with everything and we especially have to fast learnhowtofilter. My generation (1970) stems from something of a transition phase. While we were studying, the internet was just coming on the scene. We started far more slowly, but adapted along the way. The generation before us sometimes loses track completely.Andthenewgenerations?They dontknowanybetterandfeellikeafishinwater. Ifthescenesinagameorfilm,forexample, dont change every few seconds, they get bored. you used to order a cup of coffee. Go to Starbucks these days (or elsewhere) and you get a series of choices: espresso, cappuccino, latte?Tall,grandeorventi?Decaffeinated, organicorextrastrong?Withsoymilk,fat-free orregular?Sugar,demararaorsweetener? If everything in our lives is faster and there are more options, then whats the impact on relationships?Whileteleworking,interimjobs and one-man-banks are almost standard these days, we largely still stick to the old image of a relationship. That you seek out a suitable partner and/or soul mate and that you stay with them for the rest of your life. Or, as happens

EsThEr jAcoBs (19890074) givEs moTivATionAl spEEchEs And Workshops ABouT Thinking diffErEnTly. hEr posiTion is: if you do WhAT you AlWAys did, you Will gET WhAT you AlWAys goT, WiTh Which shE sTimulATEs crEATivE Thinking. shE WriTEs Books (WhAT is your ExcusE? And WhAT is your drEAm?) And coAchEs EnTrEprEnEurs And individuAls Who WAnT To AchiEvE ThEir

drEAms. EsThEr livEs A drEAm lifE hErsElf: shE only Works A fEW monThs A yEAr And dividEs hEr TimE BETWEEn curAcAo And AmsTErdAm.

security or adventure? Which do you choose?

naturally, I said thats not for me, I am not interested, but within no time he turned out to be good fun. Thats the irritating thing about making choices: I have learned to check out all the options. And wrong men have a lot of charm, give you their full attention and offer an exciting lifestyle. In all other aspects of my life I choose untrodden paths and adventure. I have never had a permanent job, have travelled through over100countriesandamofficiallyhomeless since I rented out my house. yet as far as love isconcerned,undertheinfluenceofthegood adviceofcaringfriends,Ialwaystendedtofirst choose security. Butwhatissecurity?Haveyoueverlooked married people looking for a lover! There are even alibi websites where you can buy a doctorsappointmentwithane-mailconfirmation ora5-dayseminarwithhotelreservation And the statistics on affairs dont lie: even the best-behaved accountants play away from home sometimes! Maybe a wrong man is not so wrong after all. you know the risks and if it should go haywire at least youve had a good time. How many people getstuckinrelationshipsthatarentfunanymore? I will keep you up to date regarding developments: I dont know myself how this story/book is going to end. I made an unconventional choice and am sticking my neck out by writing about it. Life is about making choices. My advice is not to get stuck on a dilemma but rather to take action. And then get stuck into what you have chosen: if you dont like it you can always change. And if you make a wrong choice, give yourself another chance. karin Bloemen wrote a beautiful song entitled Guts: Each day you have another choice: Do you keep running or do you rigorously turn your life upside down Get rid of the garbage, the chasing and fuss If you have the guts its never too late To realize this is no longer acceptable Dont reach for the stars, go and get them. We all know how we like our coffee but are often not as picky where it concerns the important things. Have you ever thought about why you do the things youdo?Yourwork,relationship,placeofresidence, friendships,obligations?Areyouawareyouhavea choice?Ifyouchooseforwhatyouarealreadydoing, thenenjoyitallthemore.Wantsomethingelse? Whether you choose security or adventure: take a step and get on with it. It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. Jk rowling
VCV magazine 248

if you make a wrong choice, give yourself another chance.

more often these days, that you make two or three attempts. There are (eternal) triangle relationships, swingers parties and polyamorists, but they are not discussed much.

Honesty and fidelity?

InmynextbookDoyouhaveawrongmanyet? I investigate what people think about relationships, honestyandfidelity.Itleadstosurprising(personal) insights. In the Major Wrong Men Survey ( about half opted for security while the other half went for adventure. The reason for the book, of course, is that I am involved with one of the wrong men. Not a criminal orconman,justan(ex?)playboy.Tostartwith,

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