P. 1


|Views: 2|Likes:
Published by Bilal Aslam

More info:

Published by: Bilal Aslam on Jan 20, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


Read on Scribd mobile: iPhone, iPad and Android.
download as PPT, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
See more
See less






in Interpersonal Relationships

Lecture by Dr. Alan D. DeSantis

My Favorite Romantic Drama

What is Love? 

Sternberg¶s Three Ingredients

1. Intimacy
-Sharing, communication, mutual support, trust Not just physical, also emotional Long-term focus


2. Passion


3. Commitment

Sternberg¶s Ingredients All ± ± ± Three are needed! Only intimacy. you have friendship Only passion. you have infatuation/lust Only commitment. you have empty love But how can we account for the different types of love people experience? .

Six Types of Love From Lee (1976) My Favorite Classic Romance .

We have all of these 6 ³love types´ in our relationships 2.The Theory of Love Types    1. you are insecure & passionate » (Because s/he was non-committal & sexual) In your next. Degrees can change with time ± In 10 years. #6 is largest / #4 is smallest 6 1 5 2 4 3 My Chart  4. Every relationship we have may differ: ± ± ± In your first relationship. What separates us is the degrees of each (each person is different) 3. you are calm & relaxed » (Because s/he was nurturing and warm) Key: Others make us who we are in relationships .

sexual. Sleeping Beauty & Cinderella ± Hollywood loves eros love! . & intense  Often Believe in: ± Love as Magical ± Love as fate ± Love at first sight  Very ³American´  Movie: Titanic / Romeo and Juliet / Ghosts / Sweet Home Alabama / Natural Born Killers / Princess Bride / Sleepless in Seattle / Snow White.1) Eros Love  Highly passionate.

2) Ludus Love  The ³Players´ love  Will often: ± Keep their passions in check ± Avoid trouble and intensity ± Feel uncomfortable about commitment ± Keep secrets ± Have affairs    Remember. we all have a little ludus in us When a relationship gets too intense (or is no longer fun). Elmo¶s Fire / Cruel Intentions / Dangerous Liaisons ± Hollywood¶s Formula: Ludus plays with Eros-Eros is crushed . they leave Movie: Great Expectations / St.

± Develops over time ± Endures long periods of inactivity or excitement » Lacks the heat of eros and the games of ludus  Movie: Harry Met Sally / The Wedding Singer / My Best Friends Wedding / Shrek / You¶ve Got Mail / Beauty and the Beast / 2 Weeks Notice / How To Lose A Guy / Tootsie . .3) Storge Love  Peaceful and slow ± Not passionate and intense  Friendship is key ± Difficult to separate from friendships  This love . .

Love is logical & More stable ± Not magical. $. but rational Movie: Pretty Woman / Bridges of MC / As Good As It Gets / Shakespeare in Love / Big Fat Greek Wedding / Grease / Maid in Manhattan / Notting Hill ± Hollywood Formula: Woman settles for pragma love--but is unhappy . race. nationality. etc.4) Pragma Love     Practical Looking for ³types´ ± Parents. family.

drinking. etc..5) Mania Love  Extreme highs and lows ± Jealousy ± Obsessive  Self-worth comes from the relationship ± Nothing else matters  Movie: Fatal Attraction / Something  About Mary / American Beauty / The Crush / Memento / Taxi Driver / Swim Fan Hollywood Formula: slashing tires. going into exile. stalking. .

.6) Agape (Alan) Love  This love is . . ± Compassionate ± Selfless ± Egoless  No concern for personal reward or gain ± Want the best for the other person  Movie: Forrest Gump / Man Love a Women / John Q / Casablanca / .

Test Time  Take out pen and paper  Number your paper from 1 to 24  Select one relationship to analyze ± Past or Present  Be honest---these will NOT be collected! Love It!! .

 1) My lover and I have the perfect physical chemistry between us  2) I feel that my lover and I were truly meant for each other (fate)  3) My lover and I really understand each other (soul mates)  4) My lover fits my ideal standards of physical beauty (my idea of a ³10´)  5) I try to keep my lover a little uncertain about my commitment to him/her  6) I believe that what my lover doesn¶t know about me won¶t hurt him/her (I keep secrets) Love?? .

mystical emotion  12) Our love is the most satisfying because it developed from. not a mysterious. a deep caring relationship Too Sappy . love must develop over time (not an over-night thing)  10) I expect to always be friends with my lover  11) Our love is really a deep friendship. I want them to back off  9) To be genuine. and is based on. 7) It is important that our relationship is fun and exciting  ) When my lover gets too dependent on me.

I believed it was best to love someone with a similar background 14) A main consideration in choosing my lover was whether my family would approve 15) An important factor in choosing a partner is whether or not he/she would be a good parent 16) One consideration in choosing my lover was what career he/she selected 17) When things aren¶t right with my lover and me.      13) In choosing my lover. my stomach gets upset 18) Sometimes I get so excited about being in love with my lover that I can¶t sleep I Don¶t Get It? .

I still love him/her fully and unconditionally  24) I would endure all things for the sake of my lover Gotta Love the 80s . etc. physically. I feel sick all over (emotionally. 19) When my lover doesn¶t pay attention to me.)  20) I cannot relax if I suspect that my lover is with someone else  21) I try to always help my lover through difficult times  22) I would rather suffer myself than let my lover suffer  23) When my lover gets angry with me.

Calculating the Results:  Statements » » » » » » 1-4 are Eros 5-8 are Ludus 9-12 are Storge 13-16 are Pragma 17-20 are Manic 21-24 are Agapic Not All Love Is Healthy Love  Highlight ± your high and low brackets 3 to 4 ³Trues or Falses´ are Markers .

Now What?  1) ± ± ± What do these findings tell you about yourself? Illuminate Mistakes? Illuminate Successes? Do you wish you could make different decisions about love?  2) Do it again with another ³love´ in mind ± See how they differ  3) Have your boy/girlfriend take the test with you I¶m Embarrassed .

Men: Eros and Luduc ± B. Pragma. couples grow into Stroge and Agape love YUK!! . National Findings on Love Test ± A.General Findings  I. and Stroge ± C. Age and Evolution » Eros and Mania are ³young´ loves » In time. Women: Manic.

8% M  Notice: Sex comes before love ± B. National Statistics on Love and Sex » » ± A.´ figures are misleading » Many still consider themselves ³virgins´ even after multiple oral partners . Gender and Virginity²Women Sooner » » ± Note: Since ³oral sex´ is not considered ³sex.6) Average age for 1st time sex: 16 W / 17 M % of virgins 18-24 years: 6.2% W / 10.1/ M: 17.6) First love (W: 17.General Research  II. Infatuations First infatuation (W: 13 / M: 13.


 III.) » And sooner ± C. but not so for women » Reason 1: Without their wives. After divorce. Married men are psychologically and physically healthier. Men are more likely to get re-married ± D. Romantic Love (cont. most men have no support system and no one to talk to about life¶s stresses  Men are 8 times more likely to commit suicide after divorce » Reason 2: Women do most of the work in most relationships (even when both are working outside the home) .

and Sex (1999 AARP Survey) ± 60% of couples 45-60 years old report having sex once a week (the average for all couples) ± 20% over 75 report having sex once a week ± After 50 years of age. women become more sexually assertive ± Majority of couples over 55 report finding their significant other more romantic and attractive Beautiful Film . Age. men become more romantic.General Findings  IV. Love.

You're Reading a Free Preview

/*********** DO NOT ALTER ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE ! ************/ var s_code=s.t();if(s_code)document.write(s_code)//-->