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Anime is the Tie that Binds Us

Anime is the Tie that Binds Us

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Published by Snapperiffic
FEB 2012 UPDATE - Kindle Version can be found on http://dl.dropbox.com/u/11478073/Anime_Is_The_Tie_That_Binds_Us1%20%28KINDLE%20EDITION%29.pdf .On November 2011, Something Awful goon Groghammer introduced in the PYF Terribleness On TVTropes thread a 30-chapter thing called Mills College Anime Club, written by TVTropes Troper SirPyschoSexy.
This document compiles the comments and review by Something Awful goon Namtab (and friends) of Mills College Anime Club, and includes highlights on the writings by other TVTropes tropers, including owner Fast Eddie.
FEB 2012 UPDATE - Kindle Version can be found on http://dl.dropbox.com/u/11478073/Anime_Is_The_Tie_That_Binds_Us1%20%28KINDLE%20EDITION%29.pdf .On November 2011, Something Awful goon Groghammer introduced in the PYF Terribleness On TVTropes thread a 30-chapter thing called Mills College Anime Club, written by TVTropes Troper SirPyschoSexy.
This document compiles the comments and review by Something Awful goon Namtab (and friends) of Mills College Anime Club, and includes highlights on the writings by other TVTropes tropers, including owner Fast Eddie.

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Published by: Snapperiffic on Jan 24, 2012
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03/01/2014

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For someone who hates Gracie’s homophobia Mike sure can be sexist sometimes.

And speaking of Gracie

Gracie was done with her midterm programming test; she was glad that she no longer had
to study, or to carry things out in C++ for a long time to come. Computers always went
over her head; it was just that she was majoring in computer science so that she could get
a decent job with her bachelor’s degree, get recruited to an important company, make more
than fifty grand a year…

…And spend what money was left after room, board, and other costs of living on lots and
lots of yaoi.

So she’s shit at computers yet thinks that she has enough computer skills to get a $50k a
year job.

All for the sake of Yaoi.

At this point I’m convinced that Gracie has Asperger’s and Yaoi is her fixation, I invite
anyone to prove me wrong.

She had been thinking to herself these past few weeks whether or not her hobby had gotten
out of hand. She had mistaken a transsexual woman for a bishounen, and was currently
dating a man she thought was gay from his mannerisms and excessive use of make-up, but
who had the biggest collection of straight hentai, perverted rape-fantasy doujinshi, and
plastic anime character figurines that were designed so that the hypothetical male viewer
had little choice but to ask how the hell he could strip off the skimpy, skin-tight plastic
clothing off of the mannequin and see her breasts and genitals.

Oh god, is this character development...

But on the other hand, yaoi was so much fun. Never before had she felt so
liberated as a person, as a woman, from the constraints of a society in which she
was thought of as a second-class citizen. Never before had she been able to
contribute to women being even more of second-class citizens by fantasizing
about herself as a submissive, cute boy that every guy in the neighborhood
wanted to fuck. Or, for that matter, never before did she contribute to the
perception of women as weak and worthless by others by bashing every single
female anime character that supposedly could “stand in the way” of her two
favorite guys getting their freak on.

What? WHAT?

Gracie is bringing down feminism from the inside I guess. I’m bolding this, I want
everyone’s eyes to be focused on this paragraph. I want this burned into your mind.
This is troperfiction.txt right here.

144

This made her feel good; it made her feel as if she were the queen bee, and everyone finally
paid attention to her for once. She could have all of the good-looking men in the world
surrounding her, even though she was pretending to be a boy, and thereby show everyone
who ever had rejected her because she was “too ugly” or “too clingy” or “too selfish” that
she, too, could find someone, that she, too could be royalty- even if it was in her own mind.

Lance was, to her, even though he was a bishounen, somehow less than all of the two-
dimensional characters she had ever loved. He was a pervert; she had caught him on
numerous occasions having cyber sex with other women, to which she responded by
beating him up; and he never did a damn thing she told him to do, which necessitated her
slapping him around on numerous occasions.

She thought that, since they shared the same major, it would work out, and she’d end up
marrying him and having kids with him and a perfect Victorian house in the country with a
picket fence around it.

So he cheats on her and she physically assaults him. But she still wants the good life
together with him.

This is the most broken relationship I’ve read, ever.

But now she knew that nothing could compare to the fantasy that was in yaoi.

Gracie was more than excited that Francis N. Dick, the North American voice actor for
Masaaki Morioka, her favorite uke of all time from the popular yaoi anime Stop It, My Butt
Hurts!, would be coming to the convention she had worked so hard to sell candy bars to get
to. Masaaki, or “Masa-uke” as he was known in fandom was short, weak, spineless, and had
four different guys from the same school fighting over him, because he was said to grant
whatever wish was in the heart of the guy who had sex with him. These four gentlemen
were Tetsuya Handa, the Student Council President who was a super-cool guy who rode a
motorcycle around campus and helped out random animals in need; Dustin Longchamp, an
American exchange student (you could tell he was American by his blond hair and blue
eyes) who was well-known as the school sadist who really got around and who wore
glasses; Haruka “Princess” Shirosaki, a tall but feminine-looking boy who had long purple
hair and whose hobbies included baking, needlepoint, and gardening, and who always
carried roses around with him; and Mitsunari Fujiwara, a short boy (but not as short as
Masaaki, of course) who had a perpetual scowl on his face and was said to have an
incredibly dark and painful past. They were all chasing him because they had no other
option to get their wishes fulfilled; if they were in a co-ed school, they could have found a
woman with a similar gift, but no women were allowed on the mystical island upon which
their school, Ruana Academy, was built.

Gracie herself ate this show for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and could not help but ship
Masaaki with Dustin. That one incredible scene where he drugged Masaaki, took him to his
dorm room, and raped him twelve times in one night was proof enough for her that their
love was meant to be. Masaaki said he didn’t remember it, but after that, they had sex
consensually for the first time, Masaaki’s body being beaten and bruised, and Dustin
gleefully licking up all the blood from his bite marks on his partner’s body.

Of course, the “wish-fulfillment” plot turned out to be just a rumor in the end, but all four
boys had fallen for Masaaki by that point, and the anime- rather the manga, since they

145

couldn’t get this past the radar- ended with the five of them having a huge gang
bang, making Masaaki’s rear end swell with their feelings of love.

Why did this of all things need three paragraphs. I’d rather be reading Gracie backstory or
some shit, not your shitty anime parody shit.

She had admired Mr. Dick’s work in the dub for quite some time; he managed to get
Masaaki’s tender emotions down pat, especially all the crying, whining, and moaning he had
to do. He was almost as good as the Japanese voice actress- almost.

She was going to surprise Mr. Dick by dressing as Masaaki Morioka for GenkiCon.

All she had to do was buy the short blue wig and the Ruana Academy school uniform in her
size online. She was still wearing her contacts in place of her thick glasses, so that would
not be a problem, since Masaaki did not wear glasses.

She opened her web browser right then and there, went to , ordered the $60 uniform and
the $25 wig, and was told they would arrive within a week.

She sure hoped they would.

Yeah man it’s totally surprising to a voice actor when nerds turn up dressed as their most
popular characters.

Nina and Liese were lounging around their apartment; Liese had control of the CD player
right now, as was playing Nagisa Iwai’s hit song “Grow Up~ Otona ni Naritai!”, much to
Nina’s dismay, who would rather be listening to one of her favorite Neue Deutsche Härte
band’s CD’s- Rammstein, Eisbrecher, Megaherz, Oomph!- real music in her opinion.

Not this watered-down J-pop crap Liese liked.

Of course, she would never tell Liese she hated her music; however, she could plainly
observe Liese putting her hands over her ears every time Nina put Megaherz’ “5. März” on
repeat. So she had to give her this much.

“So…” Nina started in German.

“Yeah?”

“What are we going to cosplay as for our first convention in America?”

So yeah, the author’s pulling German music stereotypes out of the wazoo for Nina at this
point.

146

“I was thinking…”

“Yes?”

“I’ve been watching Axis Powers Hetalia as of late, and I’d really…”

“WHAT?” Nina turned off the music. “You’re watching Hetalia? Seriously? A show that
glorifies the Nazis? What is wrong with you?”

“Have you seen it? It’s cute!”

“But everything I’ve heard about it is negative. I mean, people in Korea threw a shit fit over
it being so blatantly offensive!”

“My favorite character is Germany.”

“Is Germany a girl?”

“No, he’s a boy. But he’s cool anyway. Sometimes he got stereotypical German behavior on
the nose so hard, I peed my pants laughing! And I can’t believe his human name is
Ludwig…”

Nina scowled. “You were beaten up by a guy named Ludwig when we went to Gymnasium.
And now, here you are, being a hypocrite…”

Liese smiled. “It’s nice to see you still want to protect me. Even after I told you how I feel
and you rejected me.”

Nina’s anger calmed; she was so affected by Liese’s words that she stood motionless and
speechless for some time.

“Nina…”

“Oh, right. Sorry about that.” She laughed nervously.

“And they don’t discuss the Nazis much. It’s mostly played for humor. Watch.”

She played Nina the first few episodes of Hetalia.

Nina was surprised and pleased. “Okay, I understand why you like this show so much. It
makes fun of history.”

For a brief shining moment a character had a reasonable opinion. But once again
SirPhychoSexy shows us the folly of Complaining About Shows We Don’t Watch.

“Yeah, and you have to admit that you were reacting like a stereotypical German would,”
Liese joked. “There is this one totally awesome yuri ship I have. I was wondering if we could
cosplay as them.”

“I’ve only seen guys so far. Besides Hungary. And everyone knows she’s going to end up
with Austria.”

147

“Belarus and Ukraine as personified as women,” explained Liese. “Belarus is a knife nut who
goes after Russia and begs him creepily to marry her. Ukraine is a ditzy girl with big boobs
who’s also a maternal figure to the rest of the former Soviet Union. Even though the only
person Belarus seemed interested in is Russia, I ship her with Ukraine, because it would be
so adorable!”

Yup, nothing objectionable here

Nina stared at her blankly., “Let me guess…you want me to be Belarus?”

“Yep! And I’m Ukraine because I have the big boobs.”

“Don’t remind me,” Nina said under her breath.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Nina paused for a minute and asked, “Do you have any pictures for us to go on?”

“You mean normal pictures, or perverted fanart and doujinshi scans? I have both!”

“Erm…normal pictures.” Nina was blushing.

“Okay…” Liese went to her “My Documents” folder on her laptop, and found a picture of
Belarus. “See? Long blonde hair- you can get a wig for that- a bow in it, and a Gothic Loli
dress.”

“I think I can make that in the time we have.”

“Good! And this is Ukraine. I just have to get a shorter wig; I have the rest in my closet,
more or less.”

“So if I run out of time on my Belarus costume, you’ll help me out?”

Liese smiled sweetly. “Sure!”

They then went to the fabric store to get their supplies.

And then more filler shit

148

Diablocon

“She’s not really a lady.
She has a wiener.”

TV Tropes, producing
the world’s finest
writers.

I try not to skim it when Namtab posts it, in case I miss anything worth
brining up, but eventually your mind numbs and you can’t help but skip
15 paragraphs of absolutely nothing. It’s sort of like some kind of
textual diarrhoea.

Starmaker

My people I bring you a
message from the Lord!

He is the most sheltered man alive. All the characters are terrible and
inhuman and have terrible and inhuman relationships. I’m pretty sure
Gracie is the worst, though.

Yaoi is terrible (like I need to say that). Every plot is like this. It’s
essentially porn and all the plots are just contrivances to get the guys
to screw. Okay fine, all porn is like that, so that’s not too offensive. But
basically all sex is rape and all the guys are “what!? I’m having sex
with a man?? This is so nasty and wrong what would the neighbours
think?”

Also the victim always (always) falls in love with his rapist.

I don’t know how or why it has a following. Even more offensive is
when these people try to pass themselves off as supporters of gay
rights.

149

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