Elephant Juice

Written by Jess Young, Zoe Chapple and Effie Robinson

1 1. EXT. HIGHTOWN LAKES, SUNRISE BECCA (Sigh) Relationships, which insecure and self-incapable tortured soul would have ever initiated one? Whose own life is so unfulfilling that they need someone else¶s to revolve theirs around. Which Saint out there has the patience and ability to cope with the endless, eye-gauging faults which inevitably are possessed by all of their kind (sigh)« MEN. (Angrily) It¶s just those constant little habits that tug on your last exhausted nerve. Take wearing socks in bed for example, acceptable on those cold winter nights, however, totally not justifiable when their pathetic excuse is pure laziness. That moment when you¶re busting for the toilet, walk in to the bathroom only to witness, (surprised) oh, wait, seat¶s down for once,(smug) ah, and there we go«PISS ON THE SEAT! You know what it¶s like in the morning, just woke up, haven¶t had your coffee« a bit disorientated, AND YOU WALK INTO A CUPBOARD! Much like, your need for a deserving pick-me-up after sobbing over Marley and Me, only to find (sarcastic) the contents have disintegrated in to think air. Can someone please reassure me that I am not the only one to have received a horrendously vile item of clothing, made from the most irritable type of cotton« knowing my skin is prone to eczema, and forcing yourself to be falsely appreciative. And if that hasn¶t convinced you enough, consider these: Channel flicking; eating with wings, as if they¶re about to take off; man flu- and missing the bin« everytime!; Fondling µdownstairs¶ and contaminating everything they touch« like your face; getting on better with your own Mum; the lads weekly night in, and apparently I¶m the maid; when you innocently peer over their shoulder, to find, them PRIVATE messaging, not just any girl, their bloody EXgirlfriend However, in their attempt to show their love, they end up making you think you¶re being mugged by unleashing µTHE PINCH¶. (uplifting) But, hey, what¶s Eve without Adam?