Winter A tap at the window grabbed Iams attention. A bluebird perched at the window tapping its beak.

Superstitions tell of birds being lost souls, trying to give messages to the living when they tap at the window. Some people believe it is a sign of death for someone in the household it chooses. He figured today it was just cold, it had begun to snow that morning, and was increasing in intensity with each hour. The temperature was dropping, and the fog increasing on the inside of the windows. The snowflakes were big enough that they made a sound as they hit the ground. The trees around looked as though they were being attacked from the sky, by white ice missiles. Each flake falling to its quick death, to the ground was still too warm to house them. Each one making a sacrifice, to cool the Earth to handle the first snowfall of winter, in an hour so the ground would be covered in a white sea of them. Iam looked out the bedroom window he always analogized even the seasons with life and death. The weight of the first snow always robs the trees of their last leaves, a harsh reality of winter and the end of their life that year until spring. Iam had always thought the first snow was almost a sign of sadness in nature. Snow is beautiful, but a sign of the harshness between winter and spring. Winter is the grim reaper of nature, robbing life from the trees. School was cancelled. The news the night before had said that by the end of the day a foot of snow would fall. As use to winter as the town was, the county was poor and road crews to clear the snow were few. So a lot of businesses and schools were all closed. He had actually planned on sleeping in that morning. Emma had called early that morning and asked him to meet her at the park. A strange request, he offered to pick her up because of the weather. She declined, and was very short in the conversation when he inquired

further on why she wanted to meet. She had been distant all week, barely speaking to him at school. He was not good at reading human emotion, but he did understand avoidance. She was a different person than she was during the flood. She had closed herself off, even though he had tried to talk to her. He had approached her several times, and she was very short diverting any conversations. She looked tired some days, like she had not slept the night before. He wondered if it was because of her dads erratic behavior when he drank or if it was because Michael was on her mind. He never saw her before or after school, it was as if she planned to get there last minute and leave as soon as she could. Maybe too many years had passed too many bitter memories. People do not always forgive souls do not always get to move on. I am hated to think of Michaels soul stuck in between or wandering his past Earth life. Iam also knew he cared for Emma, an emotion he did not usually feel. Something had changed the night of the flood, maybe it was her vulnerability. He wanted to protect her. In fact he would do anything for her, including meet her in park in the middle of a snow storm. By the time he made it across town to the park, the ground was starting to become covered in snow. He felt his truck slide a little as he hit the brakes and pulled into the parking lot. It was snowing so hard that he could barely see only feet in front of him, he scanned the park for Emma. The picnic tables were covered in snow, and the play ground. He saw footprints in the snow, leading ahead. He followed them. The air stung as he breathed, it was a wet damp snow. The kind where as the flakes hit you, you instantly feel cold, and weighed down by each one in your hair. He followed the prints over a hill, and to a pavilion. He could not make out her features

yet, but he could tell by her form that it was Emma sitting on a table underneath it. He wondered how long she had been there. As he got closer he noticed her coat engulfed her, as if she had borrowed it from her father. He also noticed the way the cold made her skin look as though she was wearing the rosiest of blush. Her hair looked darker from the snowflakes that had melted onto her hair on her walk over. He stared at how beautiful she was against the snow that fell around them. She had no gloves, her hands were tucked into the long sleeves of the coat. Her jeans were too long, and the bottom hem was wet from walking in the snow. He hoped she would not catch a cold, from her own stubbornness in refusing a ride. Here take my gloves, he offered. I am fine, keep them, she said flatly. Arent you going to ask me why you are here? she asked. He tried to read her; she sat sternly with her arms wrapped around her. She never broke eye contact, as if she was waiting on an answer. Iam had none of Michaels memories. He felt panic; he had gotten good at reading peoples body language in order to exist. He could not understand why she had asked him there. I have been asking myself the same question, he replied. She was not sure why she brought him here. The past few weeks it had been eating at her all the times he had ignored her. When she had seen the snow that morning, it was more than she could stand. She wanted to bring him here and yell at him. She wanted to tell him how bad he had made her feel. It might make her feel better. She had not been sleeping. Since Michael had been making an effort to talk to her again at school it had been driving her nuts. She had been avoiding him. She was not going to do it anymore. She wanted him to know how much resentment she had towards him. She wanted him

to know what he had really done to her when he chose his new set of friends that year. The fall of our 6th grade year, that is when you moved. When we went back to school that year is when you stopped talking to me. I watched you every day talk to me less and less. She explained, her face reddening. She remembered coming home from school every day hoping he would show up at her house. She would watch the streets for hours until it got dark. Each day as fall turned into winter the days got shorter and shorted. Darkness came earlier her watching less. He would never come to her house again until the day of the flood. I am sorry Emma, I he did not get to finish. I followed you here, you didnt know it you were with your new friends, and it was the first snowfall. I followed you here in the cold and I waited. I know you saw me you never even said a word to me. Her voice was not angry it was full of hurt. She watched them play in the snow. She swore she saw him look over at her sitting on the picnic table still choosing to ignore her. She remembered how cold she was but still she waited hoping he would come over and talk to her. He never did they built their forts, had their snowball fights and she watched them leave. I dont remember, slipped from his lips. Emma pummeled his words. Of course you dont because you forgot me here a long time ago Michael. You forgot everything we did. I ceased to stop existing in your world. I dont know what conscience you are trying to cleanse by talking to me, now 6 years later, but I cant do this again. Her eyes glistened, she closed them for a moment and he saw a hint of moisture coat her lashes. He did not have to remember, he saw right then the young girl who was left in that park. He saw her pain as she watched Michael; he did not be there to understand. For the first time he felt an emotion of his own, he loved her. On this the coldest of days, he felt warm inside. Even though he was in a body that was

not his own he was drawn to her. He wanted to touch her face and tell her Michael was an idiot. He wanted to tell her who he really was, and that it was not really Michael that loved her. For the first time he regretted what he was, he longed to be in his own physical body. There was a process to the life cycle, his feelings were not supposed to be a part of it. He knew he could not change the process, he would transition again eventually with or without her forgiveness towards Michael. Even if he was damning his own soul he would still love her. Even in another life he would find her again. He could not say a word, he was speechless at his own thoughts. Enlightenment was supposed to come to all souls in time, he wondered if this is what it felt like. Was enlightenment love? He in that moment understood why humans are so attached to each other and why death was so hard. He could not imagine leaving her anywhere. There in that park, Iam understood Born In souls. He understood why they fear death and the regrets they have. I am not who you think I am, the words tumbled out of his mouth. I know exactly who you are Michael. You are an asshole she muttered. She jumped off the table and shoved her way passed him. He was stunned for a moment, she was running before he could speak. Wait, he managed. He began after her with a desperation that he could not even comprehend. No! she yelled as she turned around, her breathe filled the air so much it looked like she was surrounded in fog. She shook her head, and he could see moisture on her face. She was crying, her nose as red as her cheeks. She hurt as much today as she had that day. As much as he wanted to argue he let her go. The longer she was there the more hurt she would feel, he told himself. So he let her run on until he could no longer see her. He sat in the

same spot she had, and he waited. He hoped she would return, but she did not. The snowed seemed like it came down even harder than before. Minutes turned into an hour, and he began to watch a group of kids come into the park. He imagined them as the age Michael and Emma would have been when they knew each other. They began to fight with snowballs, and to roll the snow into what would become a snowman. He watched as the snowman took shape, as they added its eyes, arms, and nose from broken branches and rocks. So simple, he could hear their laughter the whole time. Such joy building this out of the snow brought them. The gray sky began to turn into dusk and still he sat, the children eventually cold dispersed to their homes. There the snowman stood looking at him, alone. He jumped off the table, he began to pack snow into a ball. He threw it onto the ground and began to roll in like the kids had. One, two, two three, before long he had finished his first snow man. He stood back looking at it proudly, it seemed more work than fun. Dusk turned to night, and the park lights came on. The snow still fell and he still built, until before him stood 6 snowmen. He built one for every year Emma and Michael were apart. Even though he was laboring to free someone elses soul, he built everyone with his new found emotion of love. With every ball of snow he rolled, he was turning back time. He was giving Emma back a piece of her childhood. Love and forgiveness usually go together anyway, and that night they stood in the form of snowmen in an abandoned park. Each one of them a frozen testament to a year that she had spent without Michael, a different expression on each of their round faces for something he might have missed. One was smiling maybe remembering something good they had shared, one was sad for a time when Emma needed him emotionally. The angry one, he imagined it on another day when she called Michael and asshole. The solemn one was maybe

just a day they hung out watching a drama on TV, maybe a rainy day spent together. The 5th one looked surprised for the birthday gifts he had never surprised her with. The 6th did not have a mouth it stood for all the things he had missed telling her over the last six years. It maybe was the most poignant because it stood for the time missed the most. As he turned to walk to his truck, he texted Emma, Go back to the park tomorrow I left you 6 apologies As he expected he never got a text back that night. The next morning Emma argued with herself why she even bothered reading his text. She could not sleep thinking about it, before the sun rose she headed to the park. She thought how stupid she was being. She trudged through the snow, towards the pavilion. Through the dim lights frozen with frost, she saw them. She stopped, and studied each of their faces. Her hand went to her mouth in disbelief at what he had done. She wondered how long he had been out there in the cold. They were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. He had given them each a different mouth. She walked up to one of them and she touched its face gently, as if she was checking to see if it was real. There is one for each year I was not there for you. A different emotion that was missed, he said. She turned around and she smiled. He felt a twinge inside, it was a feeling he knew all too well. As whatever the restless needed completed was fulfilled, he would always begin to feel a pull to prepare him for his next transition. He knew that a part of her started to forgive Michael, for him it was bittersweet. In her forgiveness, their time was shortened without her even knowing. Emma sometimes people never know what they have until its too late, You just cant quit people Michael, she explained.

Please give me a chance to make things right, he did not really want to say those words but he had to. She just looked at him almost desperate. He feared she was going to leave again. Why? Why now? What is different? she asked. She was confused, she was so tired of being alone. She really did not understand what was different to make him want to be friends again. She thought maybe graduation in a few months had freaked him out. Maybe he was scared for his life after high school. She had never cared what people thought of her even as kids. Michael had always been very self- conscious of the way other people saw him. She could see him being worried about what people thought when he was not a high school athletic all- star. Michael was good at football, but not good enough to play at the college level. After graduation he would just be another face in the sea of new freshman faces at the state university. She questioned whether he was still being selfish. If he was he had labored a long time in the cold for his own motives. She figured he must have worked on the snowmen half of the night. A little excessive for some type of life crisis that he might have been going through she told herself. I am different, he said flatly. He was different than Michael he thought to himself. I was devastated when you left me. I blamed my family, I blamed myself. It was me Emma. He walked closer to her. She stepped back a step. She was not sure if she was scared of him or herself. He stopped thinking and he took her face into his hands and kissed her. She raised her hands like she was going to push him away but instead fell into him. She had imagined this moment a hundred times in her head, she had wanted to kiss him for as long as she could remember. In that moment in that kiss she remembered every laugh they had had, she remembered

every lizard he had caught and chased her with. She remembered who he use to be, who she had always loved. She never stopped as angry as she always was at him. She had always loved him as long as she could remember. Ok, she said softly pulling back from him. Ok what? he was so wrapped up in the moment he forgot where he was or what the last comment had been. Ok I will give you another chance, she said still close to his face. He felt his vision blur slightly. He and Michaels soul were threaded by the transition, he could feel Michaels soul become a little calmer. He wondered if he could feel that he loved her too. He wanted to grab onto her tighter, even though nothing would prevent him from having to leave Michaels body. No matter what happens, I will always try and meet you back here on the first snowfall, he was not sure why he said it. He knew deep down that once his soul was gone, it was gone. He hoped for the possibility though. Born Ins could have hopes and desires he decided that Walk Ins could too. Are you already planning on leaving me again, she asked concerned. She was so confused again, she never understood what he meant half the time anymore. Maybe she had made a mistake in even thinking about giving him a second chance. She could not take having him in her life then losing him again. No did not mean it that way. I just meant if life separates us I will always try and find you no matter what. He meant that. He would try and find her again. Things will be different, I will show you every day how much I want to be with you, he added. She smiled warmly at him, and he kissed her forehead. It is really early and really cold, she said frankly. The sun still had not shown, she was

right it was really early. Come on I will take you home, he said. She followed, she was so tired from not sleeping. As much as she wanted to stay here with him all day she was exhausted. She leaned against him on what was a short ride home, and she fell asleep. He pulled up in front of her house and sat watching her sleep. She looked at peace, for the first time since he had met. He brushed her hair out of her face, it was oddly tangled. Your home, he said softly waking her. She stirred rubbing her face. She pushed herself off the seat and sat up. The truck was so warm, and she liked being near him. She did not want to go back to her life inside. I cant believe I fell asleep, she said groggily. He did not want her to go either, he hated to think about her in that dark house, with her parents. You looked so peaceful I did not want to wake you, he touched a piece of hair that fell back in front of her face. I need to go, dad is going to be awake soon. He is the worst in the mornings because he is sober. She laughed ironically. It was the truth, her dad did not like the reality of what was around him when he was sober. She had come to be at peace with it a long time ago. That was one thing that always comforted her about Michael was he always knew the truth about her family. She did not have to hide with him. That she told herself is why she loved him she could always be herself. When they were kids they use to laugh at how her dad would pass out in his underwear in the middle of the living room. She never had to worry about what he thought when he came over to her house. She was not sure where that person had went for six years but he seemed to be back. She opened the truck door and stepped out. She paused and waved.

I will call you later, he said. Yeah try not to wait another six years, she replied. She grinned slyly and turned to walk up the snow covered steps to her house.