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MR. BAILEY Note to self; XXXXXXXXXXXXX. Mr. Bailey picks up a book and looks at it confused. It is upside down. giving up, he reaches for his mug, and picks it up. It is upside down as well, and when he lifts it up, coffee spills everywhere. (to OS person) Phylis! Coffee. PHYLIS (peeking her head in) Right away sir. Be right back sir Exit Phylis MR. BAILEY Step on Phylis, I'm dying here, I tell you I'm dying. Can work without the coffee. Can't LIVE without the coffee. Phylis! Enter Phylis with mug of coffee. PHYLIS Here, sir. Right here Mr. Bailey. MR. BAILEY Is this Deee caf? PHYLIS ummmm... no sir, would you like me to get-MR. BAILEY Hell no, Phylis! Look at me. Take a good look at me. Do I look like a decafinated man? PHYLIS ummm... no, sir. MR. BAILEY Look at this arm. Is it decafinated, Is this arm deeeee cafinated? PHYLIS
.) No. MR. no. That's what I said. BAILEY Hell yes Caffine! Now throw out this cup of crap and get me some coffee with good old American power. sir. BAILEY Hell no Phylis! Look at this pasty lump.. BAILEY What? PHYLIS This isn't decaf. Needs something to kickstart it. Get me some coffee with caffine!!!! PHYLIS This is. BAILEY Look at this stomach... sir. MR. Damn thing looks like a bloated cabbage. PHYLIS (softly to herself. don't. Does this stomach look energized? Does this stomach look strong to you? PHYLIS Ummm.. .. Bailey lifts up his shirt to show Phylis his stomach..Oh. Really look at it.. MR. Mr. umm that's what I said before. Bail-MR. something to bring this baby back to life! Tell me Phylis! Tell me what this stomach needs! PHYLIS Cafine? MR. BAILEY (CONT) Look at it. caffinated.. yes Mr. BAILEY Well why didn't you say so! PHYLIS I don't know. this coffee is MR. This is a sack of flesh that need something. sir..
.. Goodbye. Now go get me that coffee. BAILEY Oh and Phylis. BAILEY Allllright.. PHYLIS Well.. PHYLIS Alright. steve. how many times to I have to tell you.umm.Steve! Yes. sir. COMPSON Yeah I'll see you later. PHYLIS Yes sir. PHYLIS (doesn't understand) mmmm hmmm. BAILEY I've got coffee all over my pants. Phylis. MR. COMPSON Hey there Phylis.. MR.. PHYLIS Yes Sir-. Goodbye.. Never forget that.. MR.. you're a good kid. Compson. Phylis.Steve. PHYLIS Hello Mr.MR. COMPSON Phylis.. BAILEY Damn right. I am a good kid.. MR. Compson MR. Never forget that Phylis.... a damn good kid. Phylis. Enter Mr. MR. MR. Call me steve. you and I are old pals. BAILEY I mean that. sir. (beat) What are you Phylis? PHYLIS I am a... .
MR. COMPSON Phylis Mr.Phylis exits. BAILEY Yeah? Who is. into tape recorder) She's a good kid. COMPSON: (Mr compson doesn't understand that sentence. MR. eh? MR COMPSON yes. BAILEY Jakey's feeling sick. Bailey stops recording. Stop! Say that again. Look right at me. MR. out of my life again (laughs to self at his joke) ahhh. Steve. MR. Steve. wait. Say it again. BAILEY That's just great! So what can I do you for? MR. Say it one more time Mr bailey gets his tape recorder ready. sir. MR. COMPSON No Prob. she's a good kid. BAILEY Steve. MR. MR. B. COMPSON (CONT) And there she goes. this is Great. MR.) MR. MR. who's a good kid. . MR COMPSON Well Mr B. BAILEY Now. (clears throat. so he went home. I just wanted to let you know that jake is not feeling too well. Mr. COMPSON She's a good kid. BAILEY I mean what's on you mind. Look at me and say it again.
MR. MR BAILEY Well you tell Jacob to get in here.MR BAILEY A little. he's gone home. phylis! Listen to this. I got you some more coffee. presses play. MR BAILEY You guess right. B. COMPSON Well. Enter Phylis with a coffee machine. so I just brought the whole machine. COMPSON (ON RECORDING) Phylis ... COMPSON (ON RECORDING) No Prob Mr. PHYLIS Hello sir.under the weather? MR. who's a good kid? MR. me sir. COMPSON Yes sir.. and Steve. She's a good kid. MR BAILEY Hey Phylis do you know what? Mr. I didn't really understand what you wanted.. MR BAILEY (ON RECORDING) Yeah who is. BAILEY (pausing the recording) Do you know who that Mystery man is talking about? PHYLIS Umm. MR BAILEY Home where? home to his office? MR COMPSON To his home. I guess. Bailey plays the tape back to phylis MR. MR... steve.
Phylis? MR BAILEY Yay! Thank you Steve! MR COMPSON You're welcome... Did you know that? Did you know you're a good girl? Mr Bailey holds out his mug to her upside down.Phylis? MR BAILEY Noo!!! Thank you Steve! MR COMPSON You're welcome. MR BAILEY 'thank you' Me? Don't "thank you" me. Thank you sir. you get that coffee yet? PHYLIS I got the machine. You're a good kid... PHYLIS ..MR BAILEY (turning off recorder) Ha ha! PHYLIS Um....." MR COMPSON . Phylis? MR BAILEY Oh you guys! Phylis... MR BAILEY Agh! Don't. "you're welcome" me... PHYLIS Steve? MR BAILEY Thank you Phylis.... sir. Thank you.. MR BAILEY Atta girl. PHYLIS Thank you. "you're welcome. Phylis.
. Stevey Stevey Steeeeeve. A shot of coffee stained pants on the floor of his office. Bailey is seen trying to start a complicated handshake with another employee who is trying to usher him out of the building. All sound is drowned out by the fire alarm.(Flipping the mug correctly) Yeah I've been told. BAILEY (Inaudible so SUBTITLED) What the hell is that? Some kind of bird? PHYLIS (inaudible. A FIRE ALARM BELL RINGS OUT. Wasssssuuuuuup? MR COMPSON Not really anything sir-MR BAILEY Good. Mr Bailey isn't wearing any pants. mouthed) The Fire alarm. Mr. Shots of people walking down stairs. FADE OUT. MR. Good good. sir. MR BAILEY So Stevey. exiting the building.