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Gentlemen, when you’re out on the weekends, step up to the plate. Are you swinging and missing or are you so afraid of a miss that you won’t toe the line? While we can’t turn you into Albert Pujols, here are some tips, from a woman’s perspective, that will help you connect and remember that 0 for 0 is still a .000 average. Pay attention. As simple as it seems, focusing your attention on us says a lot. Maintaining eye contact and facing us are the easiest ways to show that you’re genuinely interested, and low-key touching on the shoulder or arm is good, as long as we’re O.K. with it. Throw in smiles and a genuine compliment and you’re golden. If ever you don’t know what to say, ask us about ourselves. I’m always one of my favorite topics. Leave us hanging…we’ll want more. Since we’ve just met, make your exit when you feel like the momentum in the conversation has plateaued, but offer to call us later. If you don’t have to get home to answer the door all those other ladies are beating down, fake it. Getting too into us too fast squelches intrigue and anticipation. We all want what we can’t have. Man up. Embrace your masculinity while still being a gentleman: Approach us, be direct, but don’t let your knuckles drag on the ground. Differentiate yourself, initiate conversation with something interesting, and be a nice guy without crossing into wussdom. Remember, confidence is often the sexiest thing you have going for you—and it’ll help you hit a home run.—Sophie Oliveri Sophie Oliveri is the Public Relations Director for It Takes 2, a locally owned, personalized introduction service that caters to professionals. For more information or to set up a no-cost consultation, call 977-9911 or visit ittakes2online.com.
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Sex and the city’s gay scene
The dating scene in Charlottesville can make this World Class City feel at times like little more than a World Class Way Station. It’s a town people return to when they’ve already paired off, leaving singletons searching in vain for that special someone. If you happen to be a single gay person in Charlottesville, your love life might feel, at its best, like a continual lesson in optimism, at its worst like a desperate spell at the roulette wheel. Charlottesville may be a beacon of liberality in an otherwise conservative state, but how progressive does it have to be for one’s gay love life to actually progress? In my circle of friends, most everyone is either coupled or suffering from acute Sleeping Beauty syndrome, waiting for Prince Charming to ride up on a white horse and say, “Put Grindr down, I’m the man of your dreams.” It’s easy to assume the annual influx of students might make things easier—proverbially greener pastures, brought right to your door! But the increase in undergrads isn’t exactly a boon to the man hoping to bypass bar-hopping to the beat of Katy Perry’s latest single. Even Darden attracts only so many MBA hopefuls, not one of whom is wearing a sign that reads, “Eligible Gay Bachelor.” Add to that the list of Ones That Got Away, potential boyfriends only here for the interim between somewhere smaller and New York City. Their departure necessitates a break, a break so much worse off for the terrible music you’re left with to demarcate the highs and lows of your defunct relationship: Britney, Gaga, Rihanna; a shortlist of present tense pop stars to foretell the brevity of your emotional commitment. If his favorite song’s chorus is just one repeated syllable, do you really think you can make long distance work? The moral of the story is that dating in Charlottesville is difficult for members of the gay community, but it’s not particularly easy for us anywhere. Romance isn’t a problem you can solve by adding more factors to the equation and it doesn’t get simpler when you attempt to start over. Granted, the dating pool will grow along with the size of the city to which you find yourself moving, but the chances of a successful relationship remain as high as you’ll let them be. Realizing that less, in this case, may indeed be more, is the kind of progress you’ll find in a city like Charlottesville.—Sean Santiago
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42% That’s how many people thought it would be awesome to have sex in an elevator (Steven Tyler lies!), followed closely by “In a hot air balloon” and “In a swanky restaurant bathroom.” Curiously, only 16 percent of you were interested in having sex against the Free Speech Wall. What? Too cold?
“The way to get people to answer your ad is to be approachable,” Fitzhugh said. “Show that you live in Charlottesville, that you know what’s going on, whether talking about the weather or a place to eat, or the first place you fucked in public.” And check the people who respond to your ad to see if they’re local, because if they’re not, they could be a scammer or a professional. Ask them to tell you where they like to eat in town. If they say, “Waffle House is a great place to go,” then they might not be from around here. “Or if you say, ‘Put your favorite color in the subject line,’ and they don’t do it, you know that they’re inattentive,” Fitzhugh said. “Or they’re stupid, and either way you don’t want to fuck inattentive, stupid people.” One thing to keep in mind: Looking for a good time on Craigslist is not something you should just blindly wander into. There are dangers involved just as there are in meeting someone at a bar. Except, online hook-ups are all about reading text and subtext instead of body language and vibes. You have to read between the lines and deconstruct what’s being said. Do some detective work. Are they listed in the directory of the school they said they go to? Do they recognize landmarks of the town they say they live in? Above all, follow your instincts. “When you feel your gut saying stop, you stop,” Fitzhugh said. Don’t second guess it or worry about being polite. “You have to be critical of what people are saying and why they’re saying it to you.” “There’s always men not getting laid,” she said, because women need men a lot less than they used to. So guys, if your Craigslist ad doesn’t offer something more than just dirty talk and a picture of your dick, if it doesn’t make you seem interesting, then you’re not going to get lucky. But here’s another reason why Craigslist hook-ups may be the new reality in our post-2008, sub-prime dating market. Old school dates are just too damn expensive.
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On Monday, February 13, Fitzhugh and friends will celebrate Radical Love Validation Day at Random Row Books, at 315 W. Main St., from noon-close. The loose agenda includes a potluck brunch, a “Write a Prisoner” writing workshop, a kissing seminar, and more.
“There was a point where I was on a fixed income,” Fitzhugh said. “I didn’t have any money, so I set up a Craigslist ad to basically have dinner every night. I was like, ‘Dinner and fun. You don’t have dinner, you don’t get fun.’ Not many people passed dinner, but you know, you do what you gotta do.”—J. Tobias Beard
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