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by pancho espinosa

naals microwave goldfish naals microwave goldfish kills itself every nite in a beautiful chicken stew

im sitting in the sun a literal feeling of coldness overwhelms me from the inside it comes from within my body flowing towards the outside, towards everything that isnt me and meets my hot skin making me shake like some kind of dog i had thought of a really good line for this poem but as soon as i began tapping i forgot

i am constructing a house for both of us to live in our beautiful silver kitchenware and some tupperware we bought from your mom i think we should definitely get a toaster honestly i feel like ohio sometimes

wow i wanna grab you and choke you to death in the most loving manner ill lay you down on a bed in a white room where theres only the bed and a chair on the opposite side of the room where i just sit and watch you and take care of you i honestly dont know what the fuck i think poetry to myself when im laying down in bed for hours, unable to sleep my poor sleeping playlist must be really tired of being played twice every single nite just wow

i think of not long ago every time im trying to sleep so maybe i can dream of you or me with you we never did so many things youre so graceful like a sea otter and i just want to swim im like a windows 98 screensaver at nite and you were beautiful at the same time

i want to be the very best and i am not ash ketchum i want to be the best at every thing i do i got a B for one of my classes and i was angry so angry i went like aaaagggghhhh, a fucking B!!?! i told my little brother, and he said a B is good and I said but its not perfect, i want to be perfect he said its a little perfect i want to be the very best at every thing that isnt subjective i want to be the best student i want to be the best athlete i want to be the best fucking soccer player i want to be the best lover i want to be the best person to be a little perfect

i took my last two finals today i am done with this semester i am happy that im done with school but not really i will miss the professors, and constant rewarding i like being in school it feels comforting to do what i am told to do by an authority i respect i like a professor who can clearly state what he or she wants from me the less choices the better i finally went to the gym again and it was good i had a really fun time with my friends on the internet we wrote literary puns for three hours and talked nonsense i laughed a lot alone in my room in front of the computer listening to puro instinct

a person i was playing beerpong with asked his girlfriend are you a bad bitch? and she said yeah and he slapped her butt i got depressed does that make me a feminist? i dont know i feel like hank hill i sang ass so fat i need a lapdance even though i didnt believe in it i dont know what im doing with my life i think i have to leave i spoke to a girl but she was stupid so i left am i gonna be alone forever? i am so fucked

is this what its like to be in love with a person youre not in love with?

everyday i feel more and more like my whole life is an inside joke with myself my sadness is funnie and i am waiting for a person that will get it but no one does it feels stupid that i shouldnt be troubled by everything i think i need to leave everything

it is thanksgiving and i feel an odd feeling of positivity i always feel sad, but i dont right now for some reason the new year feels motivating i am drunk right now i feel like i could do many things right now but probably the only thing i could actually do is get in bed and fall asleep i dont know man, i htink i feel good i want to get fucked every day of my life i want a fucking cheeseburger i know theres people lined up outside of best buy right now and odd future exists feels past the point of feeling surreal and kind of depressing i heard a song tonite that said ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass,ass i had to ask myself is this foreal? re: life its kind of fun(ny), but not really i dont know fuck me right now

im hopeful for finding someone whose sole existence makes me not want to die all the time.

as soon as i feel that i feel like im feeling something i reason myself out of it

i laugh at myself every day for every thought that i have as if i was watching myself from the outside in a third-person narrative this life is a joke, everything is i know if anything meant anything id be okay but i cant bring myself to that i function like a machine i am a robot programmed to habitually think and act rationally i cannot feel, foreal only a detached feeling of [everything] feeling incredibly fucked for no real clear reason or cause

i know nothing but me wow myself is all i know seems like in the past people were able to sympathize so easily i cant sympathize with anyone who isnt like me i dismiss people who arent self-aware, people who arent perpetually depressed all i can think is why? but really what i want to know is how

not being able to write something and being aware of it is like when i cant sleep and think i cant sleep and cant sleep

i know it takes exactly three steps to get to my bed after i turn off the light i drop (like im) dead ive been so comfortable and i think im scared of not being anymore i dont know what im gonna do and i dont like the uncertainty, it makes me uncomfortable a lot of the times i feel like in the game the sims when you tell a sim to do something then he does it and since he doesnt have another thing to do he just stands there thats how i feel right now

yes, i am mulder and this is scully you are a beautiful women and i want to spend rainy and sunny days together.

you are the beautiful flower in the deaf garden i am like a retarded seven-year-old when im with you

youre pretty much scared to embrace me come here and give me a hug bb feel me wrapped around you like some seaweed of some kind my level of complexity scared you, it scares me i am like four levels deep outside of my own life and i understand that you wouldnt want (to) but just hug me, for now on a sunday afternoon on our blanket at the beach

my real name is francisco and i have two younger brothers they both used to call me fran affectionately but now only the littler one does

me llamo francisco y tengo dos hermanos menores me decan fran de cario pero ahora solo el ms pequeo lo hace