E-BOOK SERIES

Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills

INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
101 TIPS

Maximising your relationship building effectiveness
‘Your best investment is yourself’

E-Book Series Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills

101
Interpersonal Communication Tips
We communicate with others in every aspect of our lives. How many of us have every been taught how to be highly effective in the communication process or how different people have different ways of hearing, seeing and feeling? Effective communicators are powerful vehicles for change in organisations, families and the wider community. We have compiled 101 simple and highly effective Interpersonal Communication Tips that you can put into practice immediately and experience the positive impact these Tips have on your communication and ultimately your relationships.

‘Your best investment is yourself’

Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

Welcome
I have created this guide for you for the purpose of enhancing your interpersonal communication skills toolkit for improved personal and business relationships with others. The tips in this guide are a result of substantial research, coaching clients and training groups of people over many years.

Mark Coburn
Workshop Program Director and Facilitator, Business/Executive Coach

I encourage you to put these interpersonal communication strategies into action and experience the amazing results you will get. I wish you all the success you desire!

Mark

Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

‘Your best investment is yourself’

1

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
Francis Bacon

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1. Build rapport by matching the person’s behaviour You can match some of the words they say, how they speak and their body language. People find it easier to get along with someone who is similar to them.

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Match behaviour without mimicking It is important to learn how to match someone’s behaviour without mimicking them. The art of matching is to engage similar behaviour without copying them. Otherwise they may think you are making fun of them.

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Show an interest in the person People like to tell others about themselves and what they do. It is also important for you to learn about them, so you can better understand their needs and how you can help them. Show appreciation and respect Everyone likes to be respected and appreciated. Expressing appreciation goes a long way to developing trust and rapport. Develop a solid platform of rapport and understanding of someone’s needs before suggesting an idea or solution.

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Develop your rapport building skills by focusing on one rapport building technique at a time When you have mastered one, you can start developing the next. Test for rapport by observing the other person’s behaviour For example, if you are in rapport with someone, they may cross their legs after you have just crossed yours.

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Communicate face to face with someone as much as practicable This is because up to 100% of effective communication is available to you in this situation. Effective communication comprises of the words we use (7%), how we use our voice (38%) and body language we reveal (55%). During written communication, be very precise in articulating exactly what you mean to say The reason this is important is because only 7% of highly effective communication is the words you use, so they must be good.
‘Your best investment is yourself’

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Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
"SuperSelf’s Advanced
Interpersonal Communication Workshop has expanded and

Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications specialist and workshop facilitator. If you would like him to present at your event, or you require more information, email us with your details.

focused my communication abilities as well as giving me a better understanding of myself. I am now better equipped to tailor my interaction with prospects and clients, making it more relevant to them."
Clint McKauge, Accuity

success@superself.com.au
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10. Ask a quality question to get a quality answer The more specific you can be with your question, the more likely you are to get an accurate answer. Start the conversation with easy to answer questions For example, “Hi Joe, how are you today? Do you have a moment?”

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Paraphrase to confirm your understanding In your own words, summarise what the other person has said.

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Use ‘I’ statements when speaking about your own thoughts or experience Take ownership of what you are saying. Avoid using ‘you’ statements in these situations.

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Let the other person finish their sentence or communication Avoid interrupting someone while they are still talking, unless you have very good reason to do so. _____________________________________________________________ Clarify any assumptions or uncertainty you are holding If you are uncertain about someone’s message, ask questions to eliminate any possible incorrect assumptions you may be making. _____________________________________________________________ Acknowledge the achievements of the other person People like to be acknowledged as it gives them a reality check and someone else’s point of view on how they are doing. _____________________________________________________________ Obtain specificity from generalisations If you feel the other person is being too general in what they are saying, ask them to be more specific. _____________________________________________________________ Emphasize key words when speaking You can become a more effective communicator by emphasising key words in the conversation. This makes it easier for the other person to get the essence of what you are saying.

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‘Your best investment is yourself’

Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

3

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
The most important key to achieving great success is to decide upon your goal and launch, get started, take action, move.
Brian Tracy

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19. Match the other person’s tone of voice If you are speaking to someone who has a higher pitched voice than you, raise the frequency of your voice (without mimicking) to get closer to their level. _____________________________________________________________ Match the other person’s speaking speed Some people naturally talk faster than others. For someone who speaks slow it can become frustrating if the other person is speaking fast. _____________________________________________________________ Match the loudness of the other person’s voice A soft-spoken person is most likely to be more receptive to someone else who is also soft speaking. _____________________________________________________________ Pause occasionally while speaking This gives the other person time to think about what you are saying. It also makes the delivery of your message more interesting. _____________________________________________________________ Match voice quality Does the person have a clear sounding or raspy voice? Matching quality of their voice can be a little more challenging. You may need to practice this. Be careful not to mimic. _____________________________________________________________ Be confident by maintaining upright body posture Get your posture right and you’ll start feeling better almost instantly. _____________________________________________________________ Maintain eye contact approximately 65% of the time This insures you are showing an interest without over intimidating the other person. _____________________________________________________________ Match handshake strength You should get an indication as soon as you meet someone as to how strong or soft your handshake should be. Trust your intuition here. _____________________________________________________________

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Mark Coburn is a business and executive coach. If you are a business owner, corporate manager or executive and would like to learn more about how he will coach you to success, email us with your details at

success@superself.com.au
Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

‘Your best investment is yourself’

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101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
"This workshop has given me confidence in determining the different learning modes and personality types. It has enabled me to provide better assistance to my work colleagues and clients in relation to negotiation and mentoring."
Belinda Giles, Boeing

_____________________________________________________________ 27. Smile with your whole face A real smile is revealed when your whole face changes. This includes the muscles around the eyes and the impression that your eyes are smiling as well as your mouth. _____________________________________________________________ Match arm postures that lead to positive situations For example, matching someone by placing your hand under your chin could show you are thinking about what the other person is saying. _____________________________________________________________ Match leg postures that lead to positive situations For example, matching someone by crossing your legs with your ankle resting on your knee encourages open communication. _____________________________________________________________ Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications specialist and workshop facilitator. If you would like him to present at your event, or you require more information, email us with your details at

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_____________________________________________________________ 30. Tilt your head to show interest An occasional head tilt shows the other person that you are interested in what they are saying. _____________________________________________________________ Express honesty with open hands When speaking to someone maintain an open hand posture that encourages open communication. _____________________________________________________________ Greet a visual person by saying ‘It’s nice to see you today’ The key word here is ‘see’. This will focus their thoughts towards seeing you and most likely replying by saying something remarkably similar. _____________________________________________________________ Show visual people what it is you are communicating Show them pictures or diagrams so they can see it on paper or describe it to them so they can see it with their minds eye. _____________________________________________________________ Gesture your message to visual people If you are talking to a visual person use gestures to give them a visual aid to support what you are saying.

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‘Your best investment is yourself’

Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

5

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
You are your greatest asset. Put your time, effort and money into training, grooming, and encouraging your greatest asset.
Tom Hopkins

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35. Don’t give too many verbal instructions to a visual person Visual people get challenged when it comes to remembering verbal instructions. Remember, paint the picture and allow them to see it. _____________________________________________________________ Be well dressed and groomed when you meet a visual person They like others who are neat, tidy and well organized. _____________________________________________________________ Maintain good eye to eye contact with a visual person A visual person will want to see you eye to eye. This helps them focus their communications with you. _____________________________________________________________ Take a visual person to nice places They get stimulated by fully engaging their visual senses amongst pleasant and colorful surroundings. _____________________________________________________________ Farewell a visual person by saying ‘I’ll see you later’ The visual word here that they will relate to is ‘see’. _____________________________________________________________ Greet an auditory person by saying ‘It’s nice to hear the sound of your voice’ The key word here is ‘hear’. This will allow them to tune into their auditory receptors. _____________________________________________________________

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For more information about the 4 different learning modes (visual, auditory, kinesthetic and auditory digital) and how to discern which is the preferred mode of another person, enquire about our Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills eCourse. Email us today with your details at

success@superself.com.au
_____________________________________________________________ 41. Explain what it is you are saying to an auditory person They are good listeners and need to hear what you have to say. Talk to them, clearly articulating the words of your desired communication. _____________________________________________________________ Modulate the tone of your voice when speaking to an auditory person It’s important that what you say sounds interesting as well as the actual information itself.
‘Your best investment is yourself’

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Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
"The Advanced Interpersonal
Communication Skills

_____________________________________________________________ 43. Let auditory people talk They like to be heard. We have two ears and only one mouth. Listen to them and hear what it is they are saying to you. _____________________________________________________________ Ask an auditory person what music they like They may even appreciate background music playing while you are with them. _____________________________________________________________ Praise auditory people verbally Thank them by telling them either in person or over the telephone. They like to hear your acknowledgement. _____________________________________________________________ Farewell an auditory person by saying ‘I’ll talk to you later’ The auditory word here that they will relate to is ‘talk’. _____________________________________________________________ Connect with a kinesthetic person by saying ‘How are you feeling today’ The key word here is ‘feeling’. This will support them to tap into their feelings. _____________________________________________________________ Speak relatively slowly to a kinesthetic person so they can feel what you are saying. _____________________________________________________________ Speak with feeling to a kinesthetic person They will respond well to you if they feel a heart to heart connection. _____________________________________________________________ Demonstrate your point to a kinesthetic person with a practical example They like to take a ‘hands on’ approach so it is easy for them to relate to a tactile experience. _____________________________________________________________ Be empathetic towards a kinesthetic person’s feelings by saying ‘I appreciate how you feel about the situation’. _____________________________________________________________ Physically reward a kinesthetic person This could be by means of a gift, a pat on the back or a handshake. _____________________________________________________________ Allow a kinesthetic person to stand in your personal space This is because they have a need to get a feel for you at an energetic level to help them connect and build rapport.

workshop has given me the benefit of being able to better deal with the different personality types. I would recommend this workshop because it really explains a solid foundation to the sales process."
Robert Bauman, Count Wealth Accountants

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‘Your best investment is yourself’

Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

7

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
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The future depends on what we do in the present.
Mahatma Gandhi

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Farewell a kinesthetic person by saying ‘ I’ll catch you later’ The kinesthetic word here that they will relate to is ‘catch’. _____________________________________________________________ Provide a detailed account of a situation to an auditory digital person These people like lots of information so they can formulate their understanding. _____________________________________________________________ Make sure you make sense of a situation when communicating with an auditory digital person They need to figure it all out so it needs to make sense. _____________________________________________________________ Take notes when you are communicating with an auditory digital person This gives them an indication you are keeping an accurate record of the situation. _____________________________________________________________ Communicate your message in a sequential or logical way to an auditory digital person These people process and memorise information in sequences. _____________________________________________________________ Give an auditory digital person something interesting to consider These people like mental stimulation and something to think about. _____________________________________________________________ Ask an auditory digital person ‘What are your thoughts?’ Create an opportunity for them to reflect on the situation and share their thoughts. _____________________________________________________________

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To learn how to discern which is the primary personality type of another person (dominant, inspiring, steady or conscientious), enquire about our Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills eCourse or our Personality Profiling service. Email us today with your details at

success@superself.com.au
Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

‘Your best investment is yourself’

8

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
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"I have gained some solid skills to apply to strengthening client relationships and building sound new ones. As a result of this workshop, I have an increased understanding on how to maximise client business through better understanding how they operate as individuals. The workshop was fun, practical and educational."
Tricia Quan, ImpactPR.

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Learn to understand and auditory digital person’s perspective on a situation Ask them questions, be thoughtful, be curious and be ‘the discoverer’. _____________________________________________________________

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Allow an auditory digital person to question the situation Questioning allows them to formulate a precise understanding. _____________________________________________________________ Farewell an auditory digital person by saying

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‘I am really appreciative of this experience’ The auditory Digital words here that they will relate to are ‘appreciative’ and ‘experience’. _____________________________________________________________
64. Be direct and straight to the point with dominant people The dominant personality type respects this type of approach. _____________________________________________________________ Be decisive with dominant people They don’t like wasting time or time wasters. _____________________________________________________________ Set a clear purpose at the beginning of the discussion with a dominant person This also shows your decisiveness and leadership which will earn you respect. _____________________________________________________________ 67. Show a dominant person how they can be successful The dominant personality type is highly motivated by results and success. _____________________________________________________________ Be clear, concise and time efficient when communicating with a dominant person. _____________________________________________________________ 69. Provide a dominant person with clear choices The dominant personality type has a need to be in charge. Providing clear and concise choices leads them towards making a decisive decision. _____________________________________________________________ Focus any disagreements you may have with a dominant person based on the facts. _____________________________________________________________

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Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

‘Your best investment is yourself’

9

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
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Every great leap forward in your life comes after you have made a clear decision of some kind.
Brian Tracy

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Motivate a dominant person by being energetic and illustrating the bottom line The dominant personality type will need to get the sense that you are energetic and driven towards showing them the end goal. _____________________________________________________________ Do what you say you are going to do with a dominant person You must demonstrate the ability to follow through on the task at hand, otherwise you may lose trust and respect with the dominant personality type. _____________________________________________________________ Greet an inspiring person by saying ‘I am thrilled to meet you.’ The key word here for the inspiring personality type is ‘thrilled’. _____________________________________________________________ Have fun when interacting with an inspiring person The inspiring personality type likes fun, entertainment and enjoyment. _____________________________________________________________ Acknowledge the accomplishments of an inspiring person This personality type thrives on recognition. _____________________________________________________________ Be animated when speaking to an inspiring person You need to keep up the level of interest with the inspiring personality type. They sometimes have a tendency to get bored during a conversation. _____________________________________________________________ Make an impression with an inspiring person. _____________________________________________________________ Focus on the goals of an inspiring person The facts and figures can be boring to the inspiring personality type, so keep them focused on the positive consequences of their future accomplishments. _____________________________________________________________ Interact frequently with an inspiring person This may be a chat on the phone or at a coffee shop. _____________________________________________________________ Motivate an inspiring person by helping them translate talk and ideas into specific actions. _____________________________________________________________ Listen to the ideas of an inspiring person The inspiring personality type likes to come up with new ideas. This stimulates and excites them. _____________________________________________________________
‘Your best investment is yourself’

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Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

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101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
"The Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills workshop has enabled me to deal more effectively with people of all personality types. I recommend this workshop because it was informative, well structured, fun and interactive. It was very professional in terms of the presentation, the venue and the handout material. I have learnt a lot of great information that I need to continue to absorb over time."
Marni Taylor, 2005

_____________________________________________________________ 82. Finish the intended discussion with an inspiring person This is important, even if it takes a little longer than planned. Avoid abruptly closing the discussion. _____________________________________________________________ Open the discussion with a steady person by asking how their family is, or a specific family member The steady personality type appreciates this as you are showing an interest in their personal situation and the people they care for. _____________________________________________________________ Ask a steady person ‘How can I support you?’ The steady personality type is very supportive of other and will appreciate the same in return. _____________________________________________________________ Be friendly and comforting with a steady person. _____________________________________________________________ Avoid imposing too much change too quickly with a steady person The steady personality type likes stability. Status quo suits them well. _____________________________________________________________ Take the initiative and provide leadership and direction with a steady person The steady personality type feels comfortable in following the leadership of others. _____________________________________________________________ Avoid rushing a steady person You’ll need to go at their pace, otherwise they may feel uncomfortable. _____________________________________________________________ During a time of change, help a steady person put their mind at ease by offering a safe and seamless transition _____________________________________________________________

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Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications expert and workshop facilitator. If you would like to experience his full day Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills workshop where you will learn how to put all of these tips into action, email us at success@superself.com.au with your details or go to www.superself.com.au to book into the next event.
Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

‘Your best investment is yourself’

11

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Anonymous

_____________________________________________________________ 90. Avoid conflict as much as possible with a steady person One of the biggest fears of the steady personality type is conflict. _____________________________________________________________ Provide reassurance about what you are offering a steady person It can also be useful to offer a personal guarantee to the steady personality type. _____________________________________________________________ Prove your credibility with a conscientious person to earn their respect Otherwise, the conscientious personality type will be cautious about making decisions that involve you. _____________________________________________________________ Be on time when meeting with a conscientious person They like precision and punctuality. _____________________________________________________________ Communicate in a logical way to the conscientious person It needs to make sense to them. _____________________________________________________________ Be objective with a conscientious person Clearly state your objectives upfront and make sure you achieve these objectives on time and as agreed. _____________________________________________________________ Be patient with a conscientious person They are not likely to make a quick decision, but when they do they are usually very committed. _____________________________________________________________ Ensure you provide a comprehensive answer for the conscientious person This personality type appreciates a detailed and well thought out response. _____________________________________________________________ Ask a conscientious person ‘Do you require further information?’ This also demonstrates your dedication towards being comprehensive and thorough. _____________________________________________________________ Be accurate and precise when communicating with a conscientious person This personality type responds well to quality, perfection and accuracy.

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‘Your best investment is yourself’

Network Matters Australia • SuperSelf ABN 44 086 516 010 © Copyright 2005

12

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
"Advanced Interpersonal
Communication Skills has

_____________________________________________________________ 100. Clearly present value for money to the conscientious person The conscientious personality type needs to understand the facts, figures and benefits of what you are suggesting. _____________________________________________________________ 101. Finally, to ALL people, be fully present and highly focused during a conversation Avoid allowing your thoughts to drift off somewhere else. Otherwise, you may miss something the other person is saying.
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given me the ability to understand who I am and my makeup. I now realise that people are not just their face. I will always look back into the workshop manual to confirm my understanding of certain people."
Paul McCandless, Prestigious Indoor Plants

Feel free to contact us if you would like to learn more about our products, services or workshops from one of our coaches.

‘Your best investment is yourself’

PO Box 627 Spring Hill Queensland 4004 Australia

Freecall 1800 005 013
(Australian residents)

International E-mail

Tel +617 3276 0108 Fax +617 3276 0622

success@superself.com.au

www.superself.com.au
E XECUTIVE & B USINESS C OACHING • I NTERPERSONAL C OMMUNICATION • FACILITATION 7 STEPS TO SUCCESS • ‘SMARTER’ GOALS • STRESS MANAGEMENT • PERSONALITY PROFILING TEAM EMPOWERMENT • PROFESSIONAL SPEAKING • SELF DEVELOPMENT WORKSHOP
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