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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Always try to be modest and be proud of it! Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Chocolate: the OTHER major food group. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
for I may not follow. either. no keyboard. Just leave me alone. Despite the cost of living. have you noticed how popular it remains? Did anyone see my lost carrier? Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick. Ever stop to think. Do not walk beside me. why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? Death is hereditary. Error. Delete Windows! Duct tape is like the force. Double your drive space. but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Don't drink and drive. Daddy. Don't take life too seriously. you can't be promoted. Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery. for I may not lead. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. Press F1 to continue. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. and forget to start again? . Eagles may soar. Do not walk ahead of me. if you can't be replaced. Don't be irreplaceable. you won't get out alive. Do not walk behind me.Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass? Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy. it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. but enemies tend to accumulate. Genius does what it must. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Friends may come and go. never opened. Laziness pays off now. talent does what it can. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Visualize using your turn signal. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Generally speaking. you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. Get a new car for your spouse. Some don't have film. Real friends help you move bodies. and you had best do what you're told. small stain. Hard work has a future payoff. . Friends help you move. Teach him how to fish. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. Few men act theirs.Everyone has a photographic memory. it'll be a great trade! Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Few women admit their age. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. Forget world peace. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Honk if you want to see my finger. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. I used to be indecisive. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. . Now he's gone. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. I didn't say it was your fault. I don't suffer from insanity. but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I need someone really bad. I won't rise to the occasion. I tried sniffing Coke once. and then it broke. I enjoy every minute of it. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? How does Teflon stick to the pan? How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand. I said I was going to blame you. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. I couldn't repair your brakes. Now I'm not sure. I used to have a handle on life. Are you really bad? I poured Spot remover on my dog. so I made your horn louder. I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. but I'll slide over to it.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain. it was probably worth it. If Barbie is so popular. confuse them. skydiving is not for you. It IS as bad as you think. I can slam on my brakes and sue you! If you can't convince them. destroy all evidence that you tried. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper. If you choke a smurf. some parts are missing! I'm writing a book. If at first you don't succeed. If at first you don't succeed.I'm not a complete idiot. try missing a couple of car payments. why do you have to buy her friends? If ignorance is bliss. aren't you. It's always darkest before dawn. you must be orgasmic. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. that's the time to do it. well there you jolly well are. If you think nobody cares if you're alive. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. If you can read this. what color does it turn? If you get to it and you can't do it. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. and never see that person again. I've got the page numbers done. If you lend someone $20. and they ARE out to get you. .
It's lonely at the top. Join the Army. I'm stuffed! Multitasking means screwing up several things at once. Never miss a good chance to shut up. . Keep honking. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. Montana: At least our cows are sane! More hay. Trigger? No thanks. but you eat better. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. and kill them. but everyone else thinks you're an asshole. meet interesting people. rusty and illegal in 37 states. Never mess up an apology with an excuse. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Jesus loves you. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Roy. I'm reloading. My mind is like a steel trap. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
My brain just hit a bad sector. Oh Lord. Pentiums melt in your PC. Out of my mind. I must hurry. not in your hand. it's not important unless you aren't getting any. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone. somewhere may be happy. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Vanity is what others have. who put a stop payment on my reality check? On the other hand. give me patience. for there go my people and I am their leader. . Pride is what we have. tomorrow. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Collect the whole set Save your breath. Oops. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.Never test the depth of the water with both feet. You'll need it to blow up your date! Sex is like air. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. you have different fingers. Back in five minutes. Quickly. Save the whales. Remember half the people you know are below average. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. and GIVE IT TO ME NOW! Okay. Plan to be spontaneous.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire. but the second mouse gets the cheese. Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. It moved to Finland. the more of your body is required on it. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. some days you are the windshield. the longer God makes you live. The more you complain. Now Santa Claus is missing. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. Others just gargle. . it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.Smile. The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. Some days you are the bug. they're the only culture some people have. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! Support bacteria. The early bird may get the worm. The colder the x-ray table. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
wet and hungry. There's no future in time travel. Very funny Scotty. To succeed in politics. Neither one works. unfortunately it kills all of its students. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. The universe is a figment of its own imagination. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. now beam down my clothes. to steal from many is research. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Time is the best teacher. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. how about a fountain of smart? We were born naked. Then things got worse. it is often necessary to rise above your principles. There's too much blood in my caffeine system. Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.The shortest distance between two points is under construction. Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. We have enough youth. Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! What happens if you get scared half to death twice? What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? . Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. There are two theories to arguing with women.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! Your gene pool could use a little chlorine. but you're still an idiot. You have the right to remain silent. . Your kid may be an honors student. You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. When there's a will. I want to be in it. do it neatly. you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? Who stopped payment on my reality check? Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.What's the speed of dark? When everything's coming your way. When you don't know what you are doing.
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