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For all your hashing news read Asia Pacific Harrier This Weeks Run…
Run No: 1300
(we went back in time)
Camel & Catch of the Day (?)
Place: Lok Ma Chau (Trailer Park Land)
Date: 4 Mar 2012
♫ “And there we were, all in one place
A generation listening to Lost in Space” ♫ American Pie – Don Mclean
Where to start, where to start? I wasn’t supposed to write this but providence brought me to where the shadow lies. Bleak, dark you might say? Is Shitler in another foul mood after an extended Circle? Did someone get his bunker in a twist? No dear friends, Shitler winces at the many memories that the former bamboo curtain brings to us who have lived in this tiny corner of a big, big world for too long. But more about my decline and fall (you mean Hash Crash – cheery Ed) latter. Firstly, the hash was bloody early. A mere 13.00hrs was the kick off. There was only enough time to kick the floozy (dancing next to Neptune’s Pussy from what I vaguely remember of last night’s travesty) out of bed, rush to the FCC for breakfast and then catch the Hash chariot north. It was a pretty full bus and even Motormouth had someone to sit next to. I had to make do with Bean Counter (I swear he is Dick Hughes in disguise) which means I got a third of a seat as he is a tad well proportioned! Shirts were available to those that wanted them and I will say it was a good, clean design. Well done On Sec! We got to the Lok Ma Chau Control Point and picked up the hare (Camel) and some beefcake (he had Easy Over panting – watch out CPH – the girl needs hair!). We then drove round the corner to Chau Tau Tuen. Bof was definitely in the twilight after his 8 hour ball buster on the Free China yesterday. The only good thing that came out of it is that he misplaced Dick the Shit who remains lost in action. Here the Rambo’s were chucked off and we met up with the Northern NTH3. The weather was good if a little dull (abit like Backdraft). A quick briefing and then On On into the local village and through a few paddies (the Irish get everywhere). The Checks were well up to standard which kept us all together and pissed the locals off no end as we were running through their gardens. One old dear gave Plod a right ear bashing (more impressive, he understood it – Ed). The local dogs loved it and took a particular interest in Tight Clit’s sausage (I mean Dachund). You got to give it to the local mutts, they are not frightened about slapping on the mud and chasing abit of foreign fluff (sounds like a Southside metaphor – Ed). The other good thing about these excellent Checks is that it kept Ivana Lunatic at the back! We eventually bust through the numerous Checks on to Lok Ma Chau Road and on up to the Police Station. For those that remember, this was a hot spot from the 50s to the 80s for IIs. I am sure Plod remembers days up here in a fruitless attempt to keep the poor huddled
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masses back. Even worse for the poor blighters who were caught and sent back to god knows what! Now you can’t stop the locusts coming in as they own the place! Emma Royde, Print or Die (formally Dr Doom) and I went for a quick spy from Lok Ma Chau Look Out. My god this place has changed from colonial days. You FRBs missed a piece of history but then you heroes miss all the important stuff as many of you did on last Wednesday’s joint LSW and FH3 (snigger, snigger). It was then on into the shiggy, hard On Left up around Tse Kao Hang. On Down into another valley where I confess I did short cut (I followed Emma Royde) and we had to sneak though a hole in the fence (an old trick from my POW days after the War). Another Check and up hill. We ran parallel to the old FCA (Frontier Closed Area). It was flinty old ground, burnt from a recent fire so I saw a few old fox holes that Bof and his boys dug when he was up here in the 1950’s on II duty. We salute you old timer – for our tomorrow, you gave your today. It was here that I did have my decline and fall as previously mentioned. I blame Bondi Barbie whose epileptic descent on the same slope distracted me. It was then On Down and On Home to a couple of sheds which was part farm and part sitting out area. Actually quite a pleasant hide away from the usual bash (i.e. The Queen Vic). There was a slight problem though. The Rambos was only 5km! The Wimps was 400m although TVM thought even this was too long! Now I am all for short runs (after all we are not a running club) but with good material like the NT, you’d think Camel could be a little less parsimonious with the flour. My main concern of course was that a short run could mean a longer Circle!!!!!!!!! OMG – I forgot to mention Freewheel. Yes he was there on the Rambos and no the earth did not move when he ran (he has lost weight). In fact the Freewheelin One was in good mood although he did ask me if his ass looked big in his new shorts! Do bears crap in woods, does Jailbreak have enough tattoos, does Little Sai Wanker talk crap, does Indy sound like a wood saw, is Bobble Dick tight (enough! - Ed)? Pre-Circle beers were served and I mentioned the quality of the run to Boney (NNTH3) who pointed out they were actually used to high quality hashing and this was nothing new! The civilised (except for Cunter S Thompson) Taipa-Macau hash was there as well although they didn’t realise we had to put up with Lost in Space in the Circle (apparently he is banned from their Circle)! Another shadow was cast over the throng in terms of a further $60 for the food although we already had forked out $100 to get here. Talk about getting the punters in! That said, the food was good and Tequila Fuckwit’s beau sure knows how to handle a chopper (lucky boy – Ed). I was (as usual) a tad apprehensive about the Circle but fortunately it was kept proportionate to the size of the Hash and each of the Hashes were given their chance or in Indy’s case, 10 chances (hrrrr, hrrr, hrrrr). For the record, I did run out of ink towards the end of the Circle! It was then a bus ride home, where on board entertainment was provided by ET and Bean Counter who proceeded to tell his famous wife jokes. He forgot to mention one of my favourites: As he lay on his deathbed, the Southsider confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our marriage. All those nights when I told you I was hashing, I was with other women! His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"
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TVM told me that one although I don’t think she was joking! I heard Hopeless sigh and say ‘A short hash but a long bus ride’! There speaks a man who really understands wife jokes! As the long day waned, I think my old mate Tolkien summed it up best: ‘One Hash to rule them all, One Hash to find them, One Hash to bring them all and in the darkness bind them’ Tremble and Obey! Shitler DOWN!DOWNS! (The Circle was completely bloody confusing with GMs, AGMs and S&Ms running in and out) The Hares – Nice one Camel Indie – Max/left behind?? Plod – Dismissing the lesser hashes like Sai Kung H3! Ivana Lunatic - ?? Walkie Talkie – logo? Captain Pubic Hair – shaggy? Shitler/Bof/Nick – sitting down on the job Caligula – first stash of the year - very environmentally friendly – less crap stash Indie – TGIF – Thank God I Farted? More like Thank God I Finished - Ed Nick – Perfect run (I agree – Ed) Tight Clit – Saving her dogs from horny Southsider Dogs Chinese Hashers – Localization policy Taipa-Macau H3 - visiting Vicky – fell asleep GM – Her first Rambo (I am sure she’s slept with others??) Cunter S Thompson – no reason needed Nick – Getting around Time to Grease the Amah! – F3M Neptune’s Pussy – KY Jelly lover Boney? - New shoes – very impressive I have to say. Golden Balls (NNTH3) was involved as well Bof, Ivana, Neptune’s Pussy, Pink Poofter - No Hash T-Shirts Haggis – 3km short cuter/GPS? Wet Patch – Hash crash Easy Over – Do we need a reason? Pink Poofter – Directions? Elsa – 10 runs F3M – watching the boys? Hopeless/Freewheel – T-shirts? TVM – Non Hash Crash? Hares – 4.2km Golden Balls/Camel/Shitlipstick/Plod/Caligula – Nash Hash Committee Dogbite – Stirring as usual TVM – Macau Hash appreciator Bof/Dribble/ET/Bobble Dick/Motor Mouth/Golden Ball - Oldest swingers in town TVM - $60 Rawhide - ?? Camel – free food Bean Counter – spiting out chips
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Kowloon Hash (Bean Counter) Ship Lipstick - ?? Ladies Hash (Tightclit) Hopeless – A ladies Hash regular NNTH3 (Victim) Adrian – big Boobs? Blood Run (??) Boney -? Taipa-Macau Hash (Cunter) Contractor & Legally Blond – holding hands on the hash (heinous crime) Lost in Space – apparently he is not funny on the Macao H3 (but he’s not funny here either??) Easy Over & James – Hair lovers F3M/Emma Royde/Dr Doom – Conniving Hashers Southside (Caligula) Cunter & Twiglet – returnees to WH3 Sai Kung Hash (Plod) Lost in Space & Boney – Flying Donald Tang about Boney – Luxury boats? Sek Kong (Boney) CPH - 32 hours on the McLehose trail Babes Hash (They give a dog a bone) Camel & Caligula – confusion between them - yes they do look the same – Not Captain Pubic – get your act together LSW (Indy) F3M/Macau Hash -? T8 (?) Motormouth – not missing the bus Visitors None Virgins Vicki – HK Louise – HK Some Essex guy ?
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