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Don, Best Man Toast, 12/16/2006

Now before I begin, the groom’s mother has asked me to request that, for reasons
of health & safety, none of you get up on the chairs and tables during my standing
ovation.
Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you who don’t know me, my name is Adam and I
have the privilege of being Don’s best man. As such, I want to say that everyone
looks fantastic and you have all done an excellent job of making today a great
occasion.
It’s fair to say that being a best man can be a nerve racking experience. As you
would expect there is one person here this afternoon feeling really nervous,
apprehensive and queasy about what lies ahead. All I can say is don’t worry, it’s
probably because you’ve just married Don and I am sure it will pass!

Don is one of the most eccentric guys I know. He speaks in military slang and
pilot diction. When he called me to say that ‘Operation Marriage is a go’ all I
could think of was ‘MAN DOWN MAN DOWN!’

But it’s more than just talk for Don. He’s been living the mach-one-meets-cave-
explorer life since day one. Don – do you still have that eighteen inch Indiana
Jones machete? How about the drawer full of fire crackers, the Top Gun aviation
sun glasses, or the leather aviation jacket?

Of course, all of this can be explained. Don grew up with three sisters. It
turns out that trying to repress masculinity with estrogen is like throwing water
on a grease fire. It just makes things worse!

I spent many nights over at Don’s house when we were kids. We were adventurers
together, learning about the world. For example, what would happen if we tried to
pay an “adult” to buy R-rated movie tickets for us when we were too young? There
was only one way to find out – give it a try!

We also wanted to learn about girls. Don was ahead of me in that department; he
was the person I consulted on smooching before my first kiss. We used to spend
summer nights in his backyard pool talking about girls and other debauchery,
looking out for any adults that might be around.

Don and I have had a lot of fun. He’s a zealous guy. He engrosses himself in his
passions – whether that’s military lore, flying, camping, or just being a great
friend to everyone. He’s a dedicated dude.

So I’m excited about this marriage. Don is engrossed in his passions, and it
became clear to me this weekend that Emily is his passion now.

I got a chance to meet Emily this weekend, and I’m quite excited. Don’s greatest
achievement must be meeting Emily. Sorry, I take that back! His greatest
achievement must be getting Emily to agree to marry him!

Don, you have married a great lady. I’m truly excited.

So it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, to raise your


glasses, and to join me in a toast to the new Mr and Mrs Don Roney – to whom we
wish the very very best.